1 00:00:02,840 --> 00:00:12,760 Speaker 1: This is teddy Te PODB Hi, guys, welcome back to 2 00:00:13,080 --> 00:00:16,840 Speaker 1: teddy Te Pod. I'm on today co hosting with Katie Morton. 3 00:00:17,120 --> 00:00:22,680 Speaker 1: She is a master and she sorry, I am here 4 00:00:22,880 --> 00:00:26,119 Speaker 1: co hosting with Katie Morton. She holds her master's in 5 00:00:26,160 --> 00:00:29,720 Speaker 1: clinical psychology from Pepperdine and as a licensed marriage and 6 00:00:29,720 --> 00:00:33,800 Speaker 1: family therapist. UM. She also has like an amazing YouTube, 7 00:00:33,960 --> 00:00:37,040 Speaker 1: so you need to follow her. You're so nice, Thanks 8 00:00:37,040 --> 00:00:39,040 Speaker 1: for having me. I'm excited to be here, of course, 9 00:00:39,080 --> 00:00:43,320 Speaker 1: and we're talking all things co parenting and also just 10 00:00:43,400 --> 00:00:46,960 Speaker 1: to kind of touch on what's been going on here. 11 00:00:47,880 --> 00:00:52,600 Speaker 1: If I sound a little somber today, Um, yesterday was 12 00:00:52,640 --> 00:00:55,480 Speaker 1: like such a shocking day as we're talking about parenting 13 00:00:55,600 --> 00:01:00,280 Speaker 1: and um, Kobe Bryant's passing and all of the family's 14 00:01:00,320 --> 00:01:05,360 Speaker 1: involved and hurt, and I I feel like I woke 15 00:01:05,440 --> 00:01:08,520 Speaker 1: up this morning with so much anxiety just thinking about 16 00:01:09,360 --> 00:01:13,320 Speaker 1: how each person that's there, you know, without a dad 17 00:01:13,400 --> 00:01:17,080 Speaker 1: or without parents are now now dealing and I just 18 00:01:17,360 --> 00:01:19,920 Speaker 1: I really wanted to, you know, take a moment to say, 19 00:01:19,959 --> 00:01:23,880 Speaker 1: like give your loved ones a hug, remember what you're 20 00:01:23,920 --> 00:01:28,240 Speaker 1: grateful for, and you know, it's just such a tough situation, 21 00:01:28,480 --> 00:01:31,280 Speaker 1: it is and to think that I'm sure in that 22 00:01:31,319 --> 00:01:33,800 Speaker 1: moment he was wondering how he could protect her, what 23 00:01:33,880 --> 00:01:38,160 Speaker 1: he could do. There's nothing, it's it's really it's devastating, 24 00:01:38,240 --> 00:01:40,600 Speaker 1: and I think, you know, we all feel it today 25 00:01:40,800 --> 00:01:44,600 Speaker 1: and UM, but yeah, so that's that. Just to be 26 00:01:44,680 --> 00:01:47,960 Speaker 1: completely transparent, that's kind of where I am today, and 27 00:01:48,080 --> 00:01:53,880 Speaker 1: you know, my love goes out to everybody involved. UM. 28 00:01:54,120 --> 00:01:59,000 Speaker 1: But in another topic, something that comes up often UM 29 00:01:59,200 --> 00:02:01,800 Speaker 1: questions when it comes to me is on co parenting 30 00:02:02,200 --> 00:02:05,040 Speaker 1: because when I met my husband, he had a baby. 31 00:02:05,280 --> 00:02:07,960 Speaker 1: I was recently divorced and he had recently had a baby, 32 00:02:08,000 --> 00:02:12,000 Speaker 1: and um, most people on the show that watched the 33 00:02:12,000 --> 00:02:14,200 Speaker 1: show don't actually know that about me, and so then 34 00:02:14,280 --> 00:02:16,320 Speaker 1: they'll go to my Instagram and they're like, what's going on. 35 00:02:16,480 --> 00:02:19,280 Speaker 1: I'm so good, what's happening? And now, I mean, now 36 00:02:19,320 --> 00:02:22,280 Speaker 1: she's eleven years old, and I think the biggest thing, 37 00:02:22,320 --> 00:02:23,760 Speaker 1: you know, and a lot of people ask me about 38 00:02:23,760 --> 00:02:26,440 Speaker 1: co parenting, and the biggest thing for me has really 39 00:02:26,520 --> 00:02:32,600 Speaker 1: been about respect for the other parent and also being organized. 40 00:02:32,680 --> 00:02:35,520 Speaker 1: I know it sounds crazy, but like having a set schedule, 41 00:02:36,400 --> 00:02:39,440 Speaker 1: putting things in email, not like last minute phone calls 42 00:02:39,440 --> 00:02:41,800 Speaker 1: where things can get heated. But if you really try to, 43 00:02:42,400 --> 00:02:46,240 Speaker 1: you know, put your love for the child first, organize things, 44 00:02:46,880 --> 00:02:50,000 Speaker 1: and like have respect for the other parent, things seem 45 00:02:50,040 --> 00:02:53,200 Speaker 1: to run as smooth as possible. Yes, and kids thrive 46 00:02:53,280 --> 00:02:57,280 Speaker 1: on consistency, so having consistent schedules is key to them 47 00:02:57,320 --> 00:03:00,320 Speaker 1: feeling good through potentially if it's like a rough divorce 48 00:03:00,440 --> 00:03:02,000 Speaker 1: or something something that where it feels like their whole 49 00:03:02,040 --> 00:03:05,440 Speaker 1: life is kind of you know, not even not I 50 00:03:05,440 --> 00:03:08,960 Speaker 1: don't know, not safe, that gives them a safety And 51 00:03:09,000 --> 00:03:13,440 Speaker 1: I think also it's if you do make a mistake 52 00:03:13,840 --> 00:03:16,000 Speaker 1: and you do say something that may rub somebody the 53 00:03:16,040 --> 00:03:19,320 Speaker 1: wrong way, or you do schedule something that's incorrect or 54 00:03:19,320 --> 00:03:22,560 Speaker 1: whatever it may be, it's okay to apologize. I think 55 00:03:22,560 --> 00:03:25,720 Speaker 1: so many of us double down when that happens and 56 00:03:25,800 --> 00:03:28,160 Speaker 1: like really try to own what we did wrong, and 57 00:03:28,200 --> 00:03:31,520 Speaker 1: then it's just causes so much more drama before we 58 00:03:31,560 --> 00:03:33,359 Speaker 1: get into the meat of things. I also want to say, 59 00:03:33,400 --> 00:03:35,640 Speaker 1: we're gonna have on Laala Kent. You guys know her 60 00:03:35,640 --> 00:03:39,920 Speaker 1: from vander pomp Rules, I'm sure, and her fiance Randall 61 00:03:40,520 --> 00:03:43,760 Speaker 1: who they are in the midst of co parenting themselves. 62 00:03:43,840 --> 00:03:46,000 Speaker 1: So we're going to ask them some questions. But before that, 63 00:03:46,080 --> 00:03:48,440 Speaker 1: I want to get through a lot of listener questions 64 00:03:48,720 --> 00:03:54,240 Speaker 1: with you because you're a professional. Um. The first question 65 00:03:54,280 --> 00:03:57,720 Speaker 1: that everybody's asking is what is a recommended book? Oh, 66 00:03:59,320 --> 00:04:01,440 Speaker 1: on co parenting? Like they just want to get right 67 00:04:01,440 --> 00:04:03,760 Speaker 1: into it. I'd have to think on that one for 68 00:04:03,800 --> 00:04:06,000 Speaker 1: a minute. All right, we'll give you some time. Give 69 00:04:06,000 --> 00:04:08,200 Speaker 1: you some time to mark with a book. Okay. And 70 00:04:08,240 --> 00:04:12,320 Speaker 1: then something that happened, Um, we did a podcast on narcissism. 71 00:04:12,320 --> 00:04:14,640 Speaker 1: If you guys haven't listened to it, it's a good one. 72 00:04:14,680 --> 00:04:17,440 Speaker 1: It's a real doozy. I already like it, caring about 73 00:04:17,920 --> 00:04:20,840 Speaker 1: But the therapist that I had on that day, I 74 00:04:20,880 --> 00:04:22,840 Speaker 1: had asked, like, what do you do if you have 75 00:04:22,880 --> 00:04:26,720 Speaker 1: to co parent with a narcissist? And she responded, good luck. 76 00:04:27,560 --> 00:04:30,240 Speaker 1: And a lot of my listeners are going, hey, no, 77 00:04:30,440 --> 00:04:33,400 Speaker 1: we we we were doing this right now, give us 78 00:04:33,400 --> 00:04:35,719 Speaker 1: some advice. What do we know? What do we do? So? 79 00:04:35,800 --> 00:04:38,080 Speaker 1: Do you have any advice on somebody that is co 80 00:04:38,200 --> 00:04:40,719 Speaker 1: parenting with a narcissist? Yes? And actually had a video 81 00:04:41,080 --> 00:04:43,480 Speaker 1: probably I don't know, time flies two years ago. I'm 82 00:04:43,520 --> 00:04:46,760 Speaker 1: not sure, Um, but about co parenting with a toxic 83 00:04:47,080 --> 00:04:51,279 Speaker 1: X and I think that goes childlike behavior, narcissism, anything 84 00:04:51,320 --> 00:04:53,520 Speaker 1: like that. The main thing is to keep it. Run 85 00:04:53,520 --> 00:04:56,760 Speaker 1: it like a business. It's not personal. It's business. So 86 00:04:56,960 --> 00:05:01,240 Speaker 1: you create a calendar that specific for the you know, 87 00:05:01,560 --> 00:05:04,120 Speaker 1: navigating the times that who's going to have the children 88 00:05:04,120 --> 00:05:08,039 Speaker 1: and when and what, and you only interact through calendars 89 00:05:08,040 --> 00:05:10,960 Speaker 1: and emails and that's how it works, and there's no 90 00:05:11,080 --> 00:05:13,680 Speaker 1: last minute changes, and that's just I mean, I know 91 00:05:13,720 --> 00:05:16,000 Speaker 1: that life isn't perfect and there will be things that 92 00:05:16,040 --> 00:05:18,080 Speaker 1: come up, but that's the best way. And you keep 93 00:05:18,160 --> 00:05:20,960 Speaker 1: all of your interactions and communications direct and to the point. 94 00:05:21,120 --> 00:05:23,839 Speaker 1: Only about the instance. They'll try to pull it back 95 00:05:23,880 --> 00:05:26,800 Speaker 1: to be like you're such a horrible parent. They said 96 00:05:26,839 --> 00:05:29,640 Speaker 1: you did did dada? Who knows what they're saying, um 97 00:05:29,680 --> 00:05:32,719 Speaker 1: all garbage, and you just say, you know what, like 98 00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:35,000 Speaker 1: I said, Sunday, I will bring them by it this 99 00:05:35,080 --> 00:05:37,240 Speaker 1: time and I'll see you. Then that's it. You don't 100 00:05:37,240 --> 00:05:40,039 Speaker 1: respond to any other like attempts to hook you into 101 00:05:40,120 --> 00:05:43,400 Speaker 1: a fight to the fment, don't play into the childish 102 00:05:43,480 --> 00:05:46,080 Speaker 1: tantrums are throwing you just keep it to the point. 103 00:05:46,440 --> 00:05:49,279 Speaker 1: It's a business, it's not personal. Just keep telling yourself that, 104 00:05:49,360 --> 00:05:52,279 Speaker 1: and that's why calendars emails. That's the easiest way. What 105 00:05:52,320 --> 00:05:55,480 Speaker 1: if the other person and narcissist or not is constantly 106 00:05:55,560 --> 00:05:58,840 Speaker 1: also feeding your children with this information, how do you 107 00:05:59,400 --> 00:06:01,960 Speaker 1: try to one shield your children from it, but also 108 00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:04,680 Speaker 1: give them a safe place to talk about things. I 109 00:06:04,680 --> 00:06:06,479 Speaker 1: think it's the thing that people worry about is how 110 00:06:06,520 --> 00:06:08,320 Speaker 1: are they going to verbalize things to kids, like worry 111 00:06:08,360 --> 00:06:11,760 Speaker 1: that their kids are gonna I don't know, absorb it 112 00:06:11,839 --> 00:06:13,440 Speaker 1: or think that mom's a jerk or dad's a jerk 113 00:06:13,520 --> 00:06:15,520 Speaker 1: or whatever. The best way is just to be honest 114 00:06:16,080 --> 00:06:19,520 Speaker 1: and say, you know, let's say your spouse, your ex 115 00:06:19,520 --> 00:06:22,840 Speaker 1: spouses and narcissist, you can say, you know, um, dad 116 00:06:22,839 --> 00:06:25,520 Speaker 1: can sometimes have a tough time expressing how he feels 117 00:06:25,560 --> 00:06:27,400 Speaker 1: and it can be hard for me, you know, and 118 00:06:27,440 --> 00:06:29,400 Speaker 1: that's part of the reason why we broke up. And 119 00:06:29,440 --> 00:06:31,159 Speaker 1: so if you ever have trouble that you can talk 120 00:06:31,160 --> 00:06:33,880 Speaker 1: to me about it and you're not really painting them 121 00:06:33,920 --> 00:06:35,880 Speaker 1: in a bad picture like there's such a jerk. You know. 122 00:06:35,920 --> 00:06:37,480 Speaker 1: We don't want a name call. We don't want to 123 00:06:37,480 --> 00:06:40,040 Speaker 1: make children a messenger between um. We don't want to 124 00:06:40,040 --> 00:06:43,440 Speaker 1: trash talk the other spouse like in front of our children. Um, 125 00:06:43,480 --> 00:06:45,359 Speaker 1: but that's just kind of calling it blankly what it 126 00:06:45,440 --> 00:06:47,640 Speaker 1: is and then allowing for open dialogue so that your 127 00:06:47,680 --> 00:06:49,320 Speaker 1: child feels like they can come to you and can 128 00:06:49,400 --> 00:06:52,160 Speaker 1: be like, yeah, you know mom or dad yelled at 129 00:06:52,200 --> 00:06:53,800 Speaker 1: me and then they threw a fit and then I 130 00:06:53,800 --> 00:06:55,360 Speaker 1: was embarrassed. We were at a restaurant. You know, who 131 00:06:55,440 --> 00:06:57,480 Speaker 1: knows what's happening. Then you'll get the real deal. But 132 00:06:57,600 --> 00:07:00,160 Speaker 1: what about if the X is like kind of ripping 133 00:07:00,200 --> 00:07:03,560 Speaker 1: you apart to the kids, So then the kids like 134 00:07:03,640 --> 00:07:05,839 Speaker 1: feel like they almost are doing double duty and like 135 00:07:05,880 --> 00:07:08,520 Speaker 1: trying to protect each parent on each side. But then 136 00:07:08,600 --> 00:07:10,320 Speaker 1: you start to see them kind of act out in 137 00:07:10,360 --> 00:07:13,280 Speaker 1: different ways or try to overprotect one parent. What do 138 00:07:13,360 --> 00:07:16,040 Speaker 1: you do if you see that happening? Get them in therapy? 139 00:07:16,280 --> 00:07:18,400 Speaker 1: Get them in therapy. Yeah, because the truth is they 140 00:07:18,400 --> 00:07:20,960 Speaker 1: shouldn't be put in the middle. And you can tell 141 00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:23,360 Speaker 1: them like if you notice that stuff, or let's say 142 00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:25,160 Speaker 1: they say to you, like you know, mom or dad 143 00:07:25,240 --> 00:07:27,560 Speaker 1: said something bad about you, you can say, you know, 144 00:07:28,360 --> 00:07:30,560 Speaker 1: they must be going through a hard time and you 145 00:07:30,600 --> 00:07:32,280 Speaker 1: don't have to listen to that. That's not something that 146 00:07:32,320 --> 00:07:34,360 Speaker 1: you have. So every time it happens just just too 147 00:07:34,400 --> 00:07:37,720 Speaker 1: now it's okay, you know, And what if you know 148 00:07:37,800 --> 00:07:41,200 Speaker 1: when this happens and you have constant worry when the 149 00:07:41,400 --> 00:07:44,680 Speaker 1: your child is with the other parent, how do you 150 00:07:45,000 --> 00:07:48,560 Speaker 1: relieve those worries and also know that your child is 151 00:07:48,600 --> 00:07:50,440 Speaker 1: being well taken care of? Like how do you get 152 00:07:50,520 --> 00:07:55,040 Speaker 1: rid of that anxiety? Your own therapy? I wish it 153 00:07:55,120 --> 00:07:57,360 Speaker 1: was easier, but I mean, but it's so hard. I mean, 154 00:07:57,480 --> 00:08:00,800 Speaker 1: some people don't have that option. And if you don't, think, well, 155 00:08:00,800 --> 00:08:03,680 Speaker 1: there's lots of options now, so because of you know, 156 00:08:03,800 --> 00:08:07,720 Speaker 1: the Internet, magical internet. If you can't afford traditional therapy, 157 00:08:07,840 --> 00:08:09,640 Speaker 1: or like let's say you live in like rural Indiana 158 00:08:09,680 --> 00:08:11,280 Speaker 1: and you're like, wow, we have one and they're Christian 159 00:08:11,280 --> 00:08:13,880 Speaker 1: and I'm not Christian, Like what do I do? Um? 160 00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:17,320 Speaker 1: There's better help. There's talk space, there's lots of online resources, 161 00:08:17,600 --> 00:08:19,440 Speaker 1: or if you feel like you're in crisis, there's crisis 162 00:08:19,440 --> 00:08:22,160 Speaker 1: text line. You can text like help to seven four one, 163 00:08:22,200 --> 00:08:24,160 Speaker 1: seven four one. Someone's there to talk you through it. 164 00:08:24,200 --> 00:08:27,280 Speaker 1: They're trained. Um, they're not licensed professionals, but they're trained 165 00:08:27,320 --> 00:08:30,000 Speaker 1: crisis counselors. So there's lots of resources out there. There's 166 00:08:30,040 --> 00:08:32,880 Speaker 1: probably even groups on Facebook you can get into. I 167 00:08:32,920 --> 00:08:35,120 Speaker 1: know that's not like professional help do. Sometimes it's just 168 00:08:35,200 --> 00:08:38,120 Speaker 1: nice to have someone be like support system. And this 169 00:08:38,160 --> 00:08:40,400 Speaker 1: is what I did and this is it was okay. 170 00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:44,080 Speaker 1: And this is a funny question. Um, what do you 171 00:08:44,120 --> 00:08:46,240 Speaker 1: do if you're significant other doesn't have a pair of 172 00:08:46,280 --> 00:08:49,360 Speaker 1: balls to stand up to his ex wife or you 173 00:08:49,400 --> 00:08:52,240 Speaker 1: feel like he never has your back? And I mean 174 00:08:52,400 --> 00:08:55,520 Speaker 1: you hear this often because you all of a sudden 175 00:08:55,559 --> 00:08:59,080 Speaker 1: make it about you and you're like, why they don't 176 00:08:59,080 --> 00:09:00,840 Speaker 1: love me? Because they're not doing this for me. But 177 00:09:00,920 --> 00:09:03,440 Speaker 1: some people just don't want confrontation. A lot of people 178 00:09:03,480 --> 00:09:06,959 Speaker 1: don't want confrontation. It's uncomfortable. Who wants to fight? I mean, 179 00:09:07,200 --> 00:09:09,280 Speaker 1: I feel like you live in two spaces. Either enjoy 180 00:09:09,320 --> 00:09:12,440 Speaker 1: the fights or you hate the fight. I'm the hate 181 00:09:12,440 --> 00:09:15,880 Speaker 1: the fighting same avoid avoid well, Like I try to 182 00:09:15,920 --> 00:09:17,600 Speaker 1: put it all out there at the beginning, all of 183 00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:20,200 Speaker 1: the information, so like, no matter who I'm talking to, 184 00:09:20,400 --> 00:09:22,760 Speaker 1: regardless of what it's about. I'm like, if I put 185 00:09:22,840 --> 00:09:25,520 Speaker 1: all of my information at the beginning, then there's less 186 00:09:25,559 --> 00:09:29,559 Speaker 1: likely a need for confrontation exactly, not as many misunderstandings. 187 00:09:29,559 --> 00:09:31,200 Speaker 1: And that is how you deal with this. So if 188 00:09:31,200 --> 00:09:33,800 Speaker 1: you feel like your spouse isn't um, doesn't have your back, 189 00:09:33,800 --> 00:09:35,800 Speaker 1: doesn't have balls to stand up to their X, if 190 00:09:35,800 --> 00:09:38,920 Speaker 1: it's affecting your relationship, I would encourage you to communicate 191 00:09:38,960 --> 00:09:41,920 Speaker 1: it in that way. It's not like you're such a 192 00:09:42,360 --> 00:09:45,240 Speaker 1: pussy you didn't stand up to that or whatever. Then 193 00:09:45,280 --> 00:09:48,199 Speaker 1: instead you can say like when when you don't stand 194 00:09:48,280 --> 00:09:50,720 Speaker 1: up for me in conversations with your ex, I end 195 00:09:50,760 --> 00:09:52,760 Speaker 1: up feeling like I'm not as important and that hurts 196 00:09:52,760 --> 00:09:55,679 Speaker 1: my feelings and then I don't feel as connected to you. 197 00:09:56,160 --> 00:09:58,400 Speaker 1: But can I ask a question, I mean, just playing 198 00:09:58,440 --> 00:10:04,400 Speaker 1: Devil's advocate here, why is there almost a need for 199 00:10:04,440 --> 00:10:07,240 Speaker 1: that conversation to stand up to the X? Like at 200 00:10:07,320 --> 00:10:09,280 Speaker 1: what point do you have to also take a little 201 00:10:09,320 --> 00:10:11,679 Speaker 1: self accountability and be like, what does it really matter 202 00:10:11,760 --> 00:10:14,560 Speaker 1: what so and so's X thinks of me? As long 203 00:10:14,600 --> 00:10:17,520 Speaker 1: as they know that I'm taking good care of there, 204 00:10:17,559 --> 00:10:19,640 Speaker 1: you know, her son or daughter or whoever it may be. 205 00:10:19,840 --> 00:10:21,520 Speaker 1: I think it just depends on how it's affecting you 206 00:10:21,520 --> 00:10:24,400 Speaker 1: in your relationship, because it really part of it is 207 00:10:24,440 --> 00:10:27,400 Speaker 1: your work, Like you shouldn't we shouldn't care what they think. 208 00:10:27,480 --> 00:10:29,240 Speaker 1: But if it's affecting us directly. Like if we're in 209 00:10:29,280 --> 00:10:31,640 Speaker 1: conversations together at the same place and you feel like 210 00:10:31,640 --> 00:10:34,640 Speaker 1: they're putting you down or ignoring your you know, comments, 211 00:10:34,960 --> 00:10:36,960 Speaker 1: then it's worth saying something. But if it's just like 212 00:10:37,760 --> 00:10:40,520 Speaker 1: you know, she's talking to you to him and you're 213 00:10:40,520 --> 00:10:43,800 Speaker 1: like whatever, yeah, Like, then that's like your work to 214 00:10:43,800 --> 00:10:45,400 Speaker 1: be like I'm confident in who I am. That's like 215 00:10:45,440 --> 00:10:48,160 Speaker 1: your own positive self talk understanding, like, hey people, not 216 00:10:48,280 --> 00:10:50,839 Speaker 1: everyone's gonna like me, and that's okay. Yeah, And I 217 00:10:50,920 --> 00:10:53,640 Speaker 1: think it's a different thing if the X is talking 218 00:10:53,679 --> 00:10:57,480 Speaker 1: about you too their child and then setting up this 219 00:10:57,600 --> 00:11:02,960 Speaker 1: relationship that's not really are because of their own insecurity exactly. Yeah, 220 00:11:02,960 --> 00:11:05,520 Speaker 1: that's you know, there's there's lines, right, So some of 221 00:11:05,559 --> 00:11:07,839 Speaker 1: it's you, some of its relationships with your spouse, some 222 00:11:07,880 --> 00:11:10,320 Speaker 1: of its relationships with children, and you get to decide 223 00:11:10,320 --> 00:11:12,000 Speaker 1: where it's okay and where it's not okay. But a 224 00:11:12,000 --> 00:11:14,760 Speaker 1: lot of it's just you know, working on yourself. So 225 00:11:14,800 --> 00:11:18,400 Speaker 1: you're like whatever, So what do you think the pros 226 00:11:18,440 --> 00:11:22,160 Speaker 1: and cons of having a sit down with your significant 227 00:11:22,200 --> 00:11:25,840 Speaker 1: other's X or you know, having a group meeting, Like 228 00:11:25,920 --> 00:11:29,520 Speaker 1: do you think those are actually beneficial or It depends 229 00:11:29,520 --> 00:11:32,280 Speaker 1: on the people involved. If one of those is the narcissist, 230 00:11:32,360 --> 00:11:34,520 Speaker 1: it's not worth your time. Or if one is still 231 00:11:34,640 --> 00:11:37,200 Speaker 1: very petty, if you find them like, you know, always 232 00:11:37,640 --> 00:11:40,120 Speaker 1: putting you down. If you hear from your kids and 233 00:11:40,400 --> 00:11:43,480 Speaker 1: you hear in conversations ways that they're like undermining you 234 00:11:43,559 --> 00:11:46,280 Speaker 1: or saying nasty things, if they're very childlike, it's not 235 00:11:46,320 --> 00:11:49,080 Speaker 1: going to be beneficial. That's why emails, keeping it short 236 00:11:49,120 --> 00:11:52,040 Speaker 1: to the point, treating like a business calendars, that's where 237 00:11:52,080 --> 00:11:54,840 Speaker 1: it works. But if you all are just trying to 238 00:11:54,840 --> 00:11:56,520 Speaker 1: find the best way to work together. Let's say it's 239 00:11:56,520 --> 00:12:00,000 Speaker 1: a new thing and there hasn't been any real arguments 240 00:12:00,040 --> 00:12:03,160 Speaker 1: or disagreements yet, that's when I think it's like nipping 241 00:12:03,200 --> 00:12:05,920 Speaker 1: in the bud. So there's no preconceived notions. You don't 242 00:12:05,920 --> 00:12:08,280 Speaker 1: have any you know, experiences where ones like you did 243 00:12:08,280 --> 00:12:09,679 Speaker 1: this and I didn't like it, and you fed them 244 00:12:09,720 --> 00:12:11,959 Speaker 1: sugar late or let them stay up at you know, 245 00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:14,120 Speaker 1: and I have to be the bad parents. If none 246 00:12:14,120 --> 00:12:15,600 Speaker 1: of that has happened, then you can have a real 247 00:12:15,640 --> 00:12:18,320 Speaker 1: conversation about how you want to co parent as a group, 248 00:12:18,640 --> 00:12:22,760 Speaker 1: right um, and then what about family members? So like, 249 00:12:22,800 --> 00:12:25,480 Speaker 1: if you're what if you're watching you know, two people 250 00:12:25,520 --> 00:12:28,079 Speaker 1: struggle trying to co parent, and then family members want 251 00:12:28,080 --> 00:12:30,240 Speaker 1: to get involved, like the sister or the mom or 252 00:12:30,240 --> 00:12:32,240 Speaker 1: the blah blah blah, like what out tell him? Now, 253 00:12:32,480 --> 00:12:35,320 Speaker 1: tell him now, mind your own business. Exactly. It's only 254 00:12:35,320 --> 00:12:37,680 Speaker 1: going to make it more complicated. It's hard enough to 255 00:12:37,760 --> 00:12:40,080 Speaker 1: parent with two parents who love each other and are married, 256 00:12:40,559 --> 00:12:42,880 Speaker 1: let alone throwing in another person when you get divorced, 257 00:12:42,920 --> 00:12:45,559 Speaker 1: then you're married to someone else, and then just exponentially 258 00:12:45,559 --> 00:12:48,520 Speaker 1: more difficult as you had more people in because if 259 00:12:48,559 --> 00:12:51,800 Speaker 1: everybody has an opinion, and not everyone's opinion is like 260 00:12:51,880 --> 00:12:54,840 Speaker 1: actually worth taking into consideration at that time, only the 261 00:12:54,840 --> 00:12:57,439 Speaker 1: people parenting directly need to be involved. Yeah, I mean, 262 00:12:57,480 --> 00:12:59,160 Speaker 1: I think it goes back to what you what you 263 00:12:59,160 --> 00:13:02,240 Speaker 1: said from the beginning, insistency being organized and sticking to 264 00:13:02,320 --> 00:13:04,800 Speaker 1: the to the schedule, and then there's less things that 265 00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:06,320 Speaker 1: you need to find out. And I can say the 266 00:13:06,360 --> 00:13:08,720 Speaker 1: same like when it goes for holidays, I mean, we 267 00:13:08,840 --> 00:13:11,679 Speaker 1: do our schedules for like we already know our summer schedule. 268 00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:14,040 Speaker 1: You should. It makes it easier because like then we 269 00:13:14,080 --> 00:13:16,120 Speaker 1: can all just kind of plan ahead. There's no last 270 00:13:16,160 --> 00:13:18,920 Speaker 1: minute chaos. There's no like, oh, I was hoping for 271 00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:21,839 Speaker 1: this vacation that we could take an ounce your fault 272 00:13:21,880 --> 00:13:24,000 Speaker 1: that I can't take it with you know whatever. And 273 00:13:24,120 --> 00:13:27,679 Speaker 1: especially when you're adding more kids to the mix, because 274 00:13:27,679 --> 00:13:29,720 Speaker 1: we both have more kids, you know, like, it gets 275 00:13:29,760 --> 00:13:33,080 Speaker 1: more and more difficult. But that's why the structure is 276 00:13:33,120 --> 00:13:35,040 Speaker 1: really key, and I think it's key for the kids, 277 00:13:35,080 --> 00:13:38,200 Speaker 1: and I think it's also key for the parents. Agreed 278 00:13:38,400 --> 00:13:43,120 Speaker 1: for your own sanity, um, and then something please cover 279 00:13:43,360 --> 00:13:47,959 Speaker 1: parental alien nation. It's so painful to experience. Yeah, I mean, 280 00:13:48,040 --> 00:13:50,280 Speaker 1: i'd assume what they're talking about is like one parent 281 00:13:50,360 --> 00:13:51,959 Speaker 1: just letting the other parent take it because I don't 282 00:13:51,960 --> 00:13:54,240 Speaker 1: want to fight, so they're like, you can get full custody. 283 00:13:54,240 --> 00:13:56,400 Speaker 1: That happens a lot, especially to men um. I have 284 00:13:56,400 --> 00:13:58,840 Speaker 1: a couple of clients over the years who loved being 285 00:13:58,840 --> 00:14:01,640 Speaker 1: a parent, but the ex wife was so difficult that 286 00:14:01,679 --> 00:14:04,600 Speaker 1: they just gave up because it was so they figured 287 00:14:04,640 --> 00:14:06,600 Speaker 1: it was harder on the child to fight. I'm not 288 00:14:06,600 --> 00:14:08,320 Speaker 1: sure if that's exactly what they're talking about, but i'd 289 00:14:08,320 --> 00:14:10,679 Speaker 1: assume it's like one parent just bowing out, being like 290 00:14:10,920 --> 00:14:14,079 Speaker 1: I can't deal um. I think part of that is 291 00:14:14,120 --> 00:14:18,240 Speaker 1: just talking to that parent, making a point to be like, hey, 292 00:14:18,040 --> 00:14:20,840 Speaker 1: I would like you in my life. I would like 293 00:14:20,880 --> 00:14:23,880 Speaker 1: to have a relationship. Um And then therapy because a 294 00:14:23,920 --> 00:14:25,960 Speaker 1: lot of being an adult and this sounds so sad, 295 00:14:26,080 --> 00:14:27,840 Speaker 1: and I don't mean it just sounds that. It's actually 296 00:14:27,960 --> 00:14:30,680 Speaker 1: how we grow, how we process what's happened when we 297 00:14:30,680 --> 00:14:32,400 Speaker 1: were younger. But a lot of being an adult is 298 00:14:32,440 --> 00:14:36,680 Speaker 1: just grieving what we thought our parents could be, because 299 00:14:36,720 --> 00:14:38,880 Speaker 1: that's like a dream. And then it's like the reality 300 00:14:38,920 --> 00:14:42,920 Speaker 1: is we're all you know, we're not infallible, we're imperfect beings, 301 00:14:42,960 --> 00:14:46,160 Speaker 1: but we do the best we can. UM. And then 302 00:14:46,360 --> 00:14:50,080 Speaker 1: how with being very consistent, organized and all of those things, 303 00:14:51,320 --> 00:14:55,160 Speaker 1: how do you deal with completely different parenting styles between households? 304 00:14:56,480 --> 00:14:58,480 Speaker 1: You just do your best. I feel like you have 305 00:14:58,560 --> 00:15:00,000 Speaker 1: to let it, but you have to let them be there. 306 00:15:00,080 --> 00:15:02,400 Speaker 1: It's like a boundary. What happens in my house is 307 00:15:02,440 --> 00:15:05,280 Speaker 1: my on my like my rules, it's it's what I 308 00:15:05,320 --> 00:15:07,280 Speaker 1: get to say. But then what happens in their house. 309 00:15:07,560 --> 00:15:09,880 Speaker 1: You can't have control over other people. I swear to God, 310 00:15:10,040 --> 00:15:12,000 Speaker 1: the sooner we all realize we don't have control over 311 00:15:12,240 --> 00:15:15,720 Speaker 1: other people. I can't manipulate situations to get you to 312 00:15:15,760 --> 00:15:18,200 Speaker 1: do what I want you to do. I can't. You 313 00:15:18,240 --> 00:15:21,160 Speaker 1: could try, but that's exhausting. So it's easier if you're like, hey, 314 00:15:21,200 --> 00:15:22,720 Speaker 1: I can only control what I can do with my 315 00:15:22,800 --> 00:15:25,240 Speaker 1: kids and how I parent, and they get to parent 316 00:15:25,280 --> 00:15:28,000 Speaker 1: how they want to parent. I know it's hard. And 317 00:15:28,040 --> 00:15:31,880 Speaker 1: then what advice would you give to step parents in 318 00:15:31,920 --> 00:15:35,760 Speaker 1: regards to discipline and regards to making sure that they 319 00:15:35,760 --> 00:15:38,120 Speaker 1: are the best step parents possible. Get on the same 320 00:15:38,160 --> 00:15:42,080 Speaker 1: page with your spouse. So let's say your husband has 321 00:15:42,080 --> 00:15:45,000 Speaker 1: two children and that he brings into the marriage. Have 322 00:15:45,080 --> 00:15:47,280 Speaker 1: a conversation with him to pad how old the kids are, too. 323 00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:50,000 Speaker 1: You might want to include them in the conversation, like 324 00:15:50,040 --> 00:15:51,400 Speaker 1: I want to be the best parent I can be. 325 00:15:51,480 --> 00:15:53,280 Speaker 1: I understand I'm not your mom. I'm not trying to 326 00:15:53,320 --> 00:15:55,160 Speaker 1: replace your mom, but I want to be there for 327 00:15:55,200 --> 00:15:56,840 Speaker 1: you in the best way that I can. And so, 328 00:15:57,000 --> 00:15:58,640 Speaker 1: depending on their age, you could have a conversation with 329 00:15:58,680 --> 00:16:01,240 Speaker 1: them and your spouse or just your spouse. So it's 330 00:16:01,280 --> 00:16:05,240 Speaker 1: the same. It's consistent because even though you're a stepparent, 331 00:16:05,280 --> 00:16:08,400 Speaker 1: and that's a very important rule, they've had other parents first, 332 00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:11,360 Speaker 1: and so as long as you're in line with your spouse. 333 00:16:11,400 --> 00:16:14,040 Speaker 1: It'll cause less disagreements between you and your spouse and 334 00:16:14,080 --> 00:16:16,160 Speaker 1: the kids because they're already used to that, you know 335 00:16:16,200 --> 00:16:18,000 Speaker 1: what I mean. If dad always acts this way and 336 00:16:18,200 --> 00:16:21,480 Speaker 1: stepmom max the same, it's consistent. Yeah. I mean for us, 337 00:16:21,640 --> 00:16:24,960 Speaker 1: it's kind of all our you know, our family unit 338 00:16:25,000 --> 00:16:29,080 Speaker 1: has ever known, and so it's been, you know, such 339 00:16:29,080 --> 00:16:32,160 Speaker 1: an organic conversation for us. You know, like you're all 340 00:16:32,200 --> 00:16:34,120 Speaker 1: brothers and sisters and this is how it is. And 341 00:16:34,440 --> 00:16:36,240 Speaker 1: you know they don't ask. But where I notice we 342 00:16:36,280 --> 00:16:37,760 Speaker 1: get a lot of questions is like when we have 343 00:16:37,800 --> 00:16:43,520 Speaker 1: play dates, like hold on, uh, explain this to me? 344 00:16:43,680 --> 00:16:45,680 Speaker 1: What what does this mean? You know? Like, so how 345 00:16:45,720 --> 00:16:52,480 Speaker 1: do you explain siblings being half siblings to other people's kids? 346 00:16:53,560 --> 00:16:56,360 Speaker 1: I guess just keeping it shortened to the point, be like, 347 00:16:56,840 --> 00:17:00,400 Speaker 1: you know, I was married before and had another kid, 348 00:17:01,040 --> 00:17:03,200 Speaker 1: and that's where they came from. But then I got 349 00:17:03,200 --> 00:17:06,600 Speaker 1: married to this dad and that's where they came from. 350 00:17:06,640 --> 00:17:08,880 Speaker 1: I mean simple. Kids are just nosy and they answer 351 00:17:09,119 --> 00:17:12,080 Speaker 1: and then they keep they're like, but hold up, I 352 00:17:12,119 --> 00:17:14,040 Speaker 1: mean more, and then you hear you can hear the 353 00:17:14,119 --> 00:17:16,919 Speaker 1: kids like trying to explain it too. But then your 354 00:17:17,000 --> 00:17:19,320 Speaker 1: your kids are so young they don't even really understand it. 355 00:17:19,359 --> 00:17:22,960 Speaker 1: So like even a couple of weeks ago, I let 356 00:17:23,160 --> 00:17:25,560 Speaker 1: Slay watch this TV show that's like, I don't know, 357 00:17:25,600 --> 00:17:27,640 Speaker 1: I'm Nickelodeon or whatever. I guess it's like a little 358 00:17:27,640 --> 00:17:29,879 Speaker 1: bit more advanced. But it's like, come up to me 359 00:17:29,920 --> 00:17:32,960 Speaker 1: and she's like, Mom, I have a question for you. 360 00:17:33,480 --> 00:17:36,679 Speaker 1: Did you have a boyfriend ever before dad? And I 361 00:17:36,760 --> 00:17:40,720 Speaker 1: was like, uh, yes, I did. A matter of fact, 362 00:17:40,760 --> 00:17:45,680 Speaker 1: I was actually married before your dad. And she was like, what, Like, 363 00:17:46,880 --> 00:17:49,600 Speaker 1: what do you mean you could get married more than 364 00:17:49,680 --> 00:17:52,359 Speaker 1: one time? You know, like all these things. And I realized, 365 00:17:52,400 --> 00:17:54,840 Speaker 1: like I don't really have all the answers to these questions, 366 00:17:54,840 --> 00:17:58,200 Speaker 1: but I didn't want to tell her something that wasn't true. 367 00:17:58,920 --> 00:18:01,439 Speaker 1: But it was like, you walked into something I walked. 368 00:18:01,480 --> 00:18:04,560 Speaker 1: And so now almost like every day she's like, who 369 00:18:04,640 --> 00:18:08,960 Speaker 1: are you married to? Have we met him? You know, 370 00:18:09,040 --> 00:18:11,560 Speaker 1: like a little And I'm like, you know somebody that 371 00:18:11,600 --> 00:18:13,680 Speaker 1: mommy loved very much, But we were very young and 372 00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:16,720 Speaker 1: we got married and it didn't end up being something 373 00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:19,240 Speaker 1: that for the rest of my life. So the only 374 00:18:19,280 --> 00:18:21,359 Speaker 1: advice that I can give to you is yes, follow 375 00:18:21,400 --> 00:18:25,679 Speaker 1: your heart. But wait until you're really sure. Um. But 376 00:18:25,760 --> 00:18:29,880 Speaker 1: then she's like, but I'm the first baby you ever had. Right, 377 00:18:31,080 --> 00:18:34,760 Speaker 1: It's like, quit trying to uncover this like scandal, but 378 00:18:34,880 --> 00:18:37,480 Speaker 1: it is funny. It's like they're trying to because children 379 00:18:37,520 --> 00:18:39,560 Speaker 1: act out of In the therapy world, we call it 380 00:18:39,640 --> 00:18:41,760 Speaker 1: kind of like a foundation, like a story that they 381 00:18:41,760 --> 00:18:43,880 Speaker 1: tell themselves about their family that makes them feel safe 382 00:18:43,880 --> 00:18:47,000 Speaker 1: to go out and have other relationships. Right. So her 383 00:18:47,400 --> 00:18:50,840 Speaker 1: the foundation was that you and daddy were like soulmates 384 00:18:50,880 --> 00:18:53,479 Speaker 1: and you've never been with anybody else, and you were 385 00:18:53,480 --> 00:18:54,919 Speaker 1: meant to be and you've been married and she's the 386 00:18:54,960 --> 00:18:57,240 Speaker 1: only you know what I mean. I remember I found 387 00:18:57,240 --> 00:18:58,840 Speaker 1: out my dad had been married before my mom when 388 00:18:58,840 --> 00:19:00,719 Speaker 1: I was probably like ten year years old, and I 389 00:19:00,760 --> 00:19:03,719 Speaker 1: was like, what, did you have a whole another family? 390 00:19:03,720 --> 00:19:05,520 Speaker 1: He didn't. They were married for like six months. Yeah, 391 00:19:05,520 --> 00:19:09,560 Speaker 1: I mean, but it does. It does throw children. Oh yeah. 392 00:19:09,600 --> 00:19:11,520 Speaker 1: Like but and then my son, on the other hand, 393 00:19:11,560 --> 00:19:13,800 Speaker 1: he could He's like, yeah, of course she did. And 394 00:19:13,880 --> 00:19:17,159 Speaker 1: he's like, whatever, Yeah, she's she had boyfriends. Well, girls 395 00:19:17,160 --> 00:19:20,000 Speaker 1: are different than boys. Like he just totally brushed it off, 396 00:19:21,200 --> 00:19:26,000 Speaker 1: speaking of boyfriends and whatnot. Some somebody's asking in regards 397 00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:28,760 Speaker 1: to cheating husbands, how do I let my kids be 398 00:19:28,840 --> 00:19:32,800 Speaker 1: around new girlfriends after I'm so scorned after being cheated on. 399 00:19:33,880 --> 00:19:36,120 Speaker 1: That's really hard and I totally get wanting to burn 400 00:19:36,160 --> 00:19:38,080 Speaker 1: down the house. I would feel that way, but I 401 00:19:38,119 --> 00:19:43,040 Speaker 1: think it's best to UM talk if you can. This 402 00:19:43,119 --> 00:19:45,080 Speaker 1: is hard, but if you can talk with your cheating 403 00:19:45,480 --> 00:19:49,480 Speaker 1: son of a you know, ex husband, UM have certain 404 00:19:49,560 --> 00:19:51,960 Speaker 1: rules around when they're able to meet, like you know, 405 00:19:52,000 --> 00:19:54,160 Speaker 1: if you're just dating someone, because it's hard for kids 406 00:19:54,200 --> 00:19:55,680 Speaker 1: that people in and out of their lives, because they'll 407 00:19:55,680 --> 00:19:58,239 Speaker 1: ask like where'd Susie go? Where did Jenny go? I Like, 408 00:19:58,440 --> 00:20:00,320 Speaker 1: you know they're going to wonder where these peop it went. 409 00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:04,040 Speaker 1: And so just I would talk to the um, your 410 00:20:04,200 --> 00:20:07,320 Speaker 1: spouse or ex spouse about like the fact that you 411 00:20:07,359 --> 00:20:09,680 Speaker 1: want it consistent for the kids. Try to keep your 412 00:20:09,680 --> 00:20:12,399 Speaker 1: emotion out of it. Be like, I'm happy if you 413 00:20:12,400 --> 00:20:14,680 Speaker 1: want to be with someone else, that's totally fine, even 414 00:20:14,720 --> 00:20:16,480 Speaker 1: if we're not. It doesn't matter. To lie through teeth 415 00:20:16,840 --> 00:20:19,280 Speaker 1: the straight face and then just say, you know, I 416 00:20:19,320 --> 00:20:20,840 Speaker 1: just don't want people in and out of the children's 417 00:20:20,840 --> 00:20:22,600 Speaker 1: lives and then wondering who these people are and where 418 00:20:22,640 --> 00:20:24,720 Speaker 1: they went and if they did something to make them leave, 419 00:20:24,720 --> 00:20:26,840 Speaker 1: because kids will worry that like I did something to 420 00:20:26,920 --> 00:20:29,880 Speaker 1: ruin that. So just say, you know, until you feel 421 00:20:29,920 --> 00:20:33,440 Speaker 1: like it's serious, maybe nine months a year into a relationship, 422 00:20:33,520 --> 00:20:36,159 Speaker 1: Like don't have them around the kids a lot, you know, 423 00:20:36,200 --> 00:20:37,440 Speaker 1: like if you go out to lunch, you're like, oh, 424 00:20:37,440 --> 00:20:39,680 Speaker 1: this is my friend and they pop up, that's fine. 425 00:20:39,680 --> 00:20:43,800 Speaker 1: But if they're consistently for me, I think that then 426 00:20:43,840 --> 00:20:46,080 Speaker 1: it's like almost like you're fibbing to the kids. And 427 00:20:46,160 --> 00:20:49,160 Speaker 1: kids are smart, yeah, I mean it depends on how 428 00:20:49,160 --> 00:20:52,480 Speaker 1: old your kids are, but even if your kids are like, 429 00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:56,480 Speaker 1: I don't know, I just think. I mean I remember 430 00:20:56,600 --> 00:20:59,879 Speaker 1: meeting people that like my parents dated after they got 431 00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:02,480 Speaker 1: a divorce and being like this is my friend blah 432 00:21:02,560 --> 00:21:05,359 Speaker 1: blah blah, and I was like, yeah, whatever, how you 433 00:21:05,840 --> 00:21:12,280 Speaker 1: probably like seven, okay, and that's that's different. What's so yeah, 434 00:21:12,359 --> 00:21:14,360 Speaker 1: And that's old enough to be able to so I think, 435 00:21:14,920 --> 00:21:17,719 Speaker 1: I mean, seven's it's on the cusp. I'd say like 436 00:21:17,760 --> 00:21:21,159 Speaker 1: eight and older. The girls are different too, but I 437 00:21:21,200 --> 00:21:24,160 Speaker 1: think once they're eight ten, you can have a conversation 438 00:21:24,160 --> 00:21:26,200 Speaker 1: where you're like, you know, mommy and daddy aren't together. Anymore. 439 00:21:26,200 --> 00:21:27,680 Speaker 1: And this is the person that I'm going on a 440 00:21:27,760 --> 00:21:30,000 Speaker 1: date with. And do you know what dating means you 441 00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:31,919 Speaker 1: can have a conversation, is getting to know one another. 442 00:21:32,359 --> 00:21:33,920 Speaker 1: I don't know if i'll like them. I don't know 443 00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:37,000 Speaker 1: if they'll like me. That's okay to talk to have 444 00:21:37,040 --> 00:21:39,960 Speaker 1: those kind of conversation when they're little, like you know, 445 00:21:40,040 --> 00:21:43,760 Speaker 1: three four whatever, you can't really explain that to them. Yeah, 446 00:21:43,920 --> 00:21:46,199 Speaker 1: they're like just putting their lightness together. What do you 447 00:21:46,240 --> 00:21:50,120 Speaker 1: think a healthy amount of time is before introducing somebody too, 448 00:21:50,920 --> 00:21:53,520 Speaker 1: I'd say six months. I think that's a fair because 449 00:21:53,640 --> 00:21:55,920 Speaker 1: you know, de on how quickly things move. But dating, 450 00:21:55,960 --> 00:21:58,520 Speaker 1: if you're going out every other weekend or I mean, 451 00:21:58,560 --> 00:22:00,959 Speaker 1: you know, time flies by, I think And it's if 452 00:22:01,000 --> 00:22:03,360 Speaker 1: you're co parenting and you don't have the kids all 453 00:22:03,400 --> 00:22:05,439 Speaker 1: the time, you have time to date when you're not 454 00:22:05,480 --> 00:22:07,840 Speaker 1: with your kids. So it's easier take those weekends that 455 00:22:07,880 --> 00:22:10,600 Speaker 1: you have off from the children and then date. Just 456 00:22:10,640 --> 00:22:15,520 Speaker 1: to make it less complicated, yeah, unless less room for drama. Um, 457 00:22:16,720 --> 00:22:19,000 Speaker 1: now we're gonna get on. We gotta take a little break, 458 00:22:19,119 --> 00:22:20,919 Speaker 1: but then I think we're gonna bring on La La 459 00:22:21,280 --> 00:22:23,439 Speaker 1: and Randall and kind of talk about some of their 460 00:22:23,480 --> 00:22:36,320 Speaker 1: experiences with co parenting. So be right back. Hi guys, 461 00:22:36,800 --> 00:22:40,560 Speaker 1: you are on with myself and Katie and we're so 462 00:22:40,640 --> 00:22:42,000 Speaker 1: happy to have you on. And we wanted to say 463 00:22:42,040 --> 00:22:47,840 Speaker 1: congratulations on Give Them La La with Randall podcast. You 464 00:22:47,920 --> 00:22:53,240 Speaker 1: guys are so cute. Thank you. No, you're listened to 465 00:22:53,280 --> 00:22:56,640 Speaker 1: your first one with Stacy. It was so good, So congratulations, 466 00:22:56,640 --> 00:22:59,520 Speaker 1: we love it, Thank you, thank you. We have the 467 00:22:59,560 --> 00:23:01,600 Speaker 1: best and with her, she was like the most epic 468 00:23:01,680 --> 00:23:04,400 Speaker 1: first guy. Yeah, well she's so fun and so are 469 00:23:04,400 --> 00:23:07,000 Speaker 1: you guys. So we are happy that you are joining 470 00:23:07,080 --> 00:23:12,320 Speaker 1: us on the teapod. Yes, we're excited. So we are 471 00:23:12,440 --> 00:23:15,520 Speaker 1: going to dig right into it, the world of co parenting. 472 00:23:17,359 --> 00:23:20,960 Speaker 1: Ye to do it. I'm not really a beat around 473 00:23:21,040 --> 00:23:23,239 Speaker 1: the bush kind of gal. Let's be honest. I just 474 00:23:23,280 --> 00:23:25,199 Speaker 1: see that I could say. I mean, I didn't even 475 00:23:25,280 --> 00:23:27,440 Speaker 1: I didn't even get an appetizer like a warm up. 476 00:23:27,960 --> 00:23:29,800 Speaker 1: We're not going to get an appetizer with me on 477 00:23:29,840 --> 00:23:32,000 Speaker 1: this time schedule. We're going to have to book something 478 00:23:32,040 --> 00:23:34,640 Speaker 1: at a later date for that kind of snack. Okay, okay, 479 00:23:34,680 --> 00:23:38,199 Speaker 1: that'll be at dinner. That'll be a dinner. Um um, 480 00:23:38,560 --> 00:23:41,879 Speaker 1: I'll just I'll answer, at least in a quick cliff 481 00:23:41,920 --> 00:23:45,680 Speaker 1: belt version. You know, co parenting obviously is the most 482 00:23:45,720 --> 00:23:49,120 Speaker 1: important thing when you when you have children and uh 483 00:23:49,200 --> 00:23:52,359 Speaker 1: and in their product of divorce. Um. But I will 484 00:23:52,359 --> 00:23:54,600 Speaker 1: tell you this that the best thing that could ever 485 00:23:54,680 --> 00:23:58,760 Speaker 1: happen to children of a divorce home uh is that 486 00:23:58,800 --> 00:24:02,840 Speaker 1: everybody works together. And Laala can God bless her soul, 487 00:24:03,280 --> 00:24:06,919 Speaker 1: has taken on that role of stepmother, uh, you know, 488 00:24:07,119 --> 00:24:10,080 Speaker 1: with with a vigor and with passion and with love. 489 00:24:10,600 --> 00:24:14,600 Speaker 1: And just yesterday, just to give you a little snapshot, um, 490 00:24:14,680 --> 00:24:17,240 Speaker 1: you know, we were saying goodbye to my kids yesterday 491 00:24:17,240 --> 00:24:19,520 Speaker 1: and Sundance as they were heading back to l A 492 00:24:19,520 --> 00:24:22,040 Speaker 1: and we had a head off to work, and La 493 00:24:22,200 --> 00:24:26,399 Speaker 1: La and my my nine year old were falling in 494 00:24:26,520 --> 00:24:29,440 Speaker 1: tears of of you know, just leaving each other because 495 00:24:29,480 --> 00:24:32,399 Speaker 1: Lalla was leaving for a few weeks, etcetera. So of 496 00:24:32,440 --> 00:24:35,560 Speaker 1: course I started crying like a little baby. But that's 497 00:24:35,600 --> 00:24:38,320 Speaker 1: that's the love that that La La has for for 498 00:24:38,320 --> 00:24:41,760 Speaker 1: for my kids and and uh and and she works 499 00:24:41,800 --> 00:24:46,160 Speaker 1: hard to uh be a great uh stepmother to them 500 00:24:46,200 --> 00:24:51,040 Speaker 1: and work alongside their mother Amber. So that's been you know, 501 00:24:51,119 --> 00:24:55,959 Speaker 1: they they've worked hard to put differences aside, and and 502 00:24:55,960 --> 00:24:59,280 Speaker 1: and put the kids first and and uh, and that's it. 503 00:24:59,359 --> 00:25:01,400 Speaker 1: I mean, I think that's wha you want to say 504 00:25:01,440 --> 00:25:04,680 Speaker 1: anything to that, to add on to that. I mean, 505 00:25:04,760 --> 00:25:08,959 Speaker 1: I we we did not have a very smooth start, 506 00:25:09,280 --> 00:25:12,120 Speaker 1: and you know, we did everything we could to make 507 00:25:12,119 --> 00:25:14,800 Speaker 1: sure that the babies did not know that. And now 508 00:25:15,200 --> 00:25:19,320 Speaker 1: we are all in such a great place, myself, their 509 00:25:19,440 --> 00:25:23,919 Speaker 1: mom where it's just it's the happiest time in the 510 00:25:24,040 --> 00:25:27,200 Speaker 1: entire world. It was like a Christmas miracles and we're 511 00:25:27,280 --> 00:25:31,280 Speaker 1: it's just it truly was, and it's just a breathe. 512 00:25:31,359 --> 00:25:34,320 Speaker 1: Now the kids are happy, and that's all you want. 513 00:25:35,000 --> 00:25:37,120 Speaker 1: And I think, as you say that, you know, it's 514 00:25:37,119 --> 00:25:39,080 Speaker 1: a breeze now. But I think what a lot of 515 00:25:39,080 --> 00:25:41,040 Speaker 1: people forget is how much work it is at the 516 00:25:41,080 --> 00:25:45,480 Speaker 1: beginning to it is and to figure out what works 517 00:25:45,480 --> 00:25:47,440 Speaker 1: for everybody and set boundaries. I know, when I first 518 00:25:47,480 --> 00:25:51,919 Speaker 1: met my husband, um, he had a daughter from a 519 00:25:51,960 --> 00:25:54,240 Speaker 1: previous relationship. And when he told me and when we 520 00:25:54,280 --> 00:25:56,560 Speaker 1: got serious and I met her, I was, you know, 521 00:25:57,119 --> 00:26:01,600 Speaker 1: twenty seven years old. I had never really been around kids. 522 00:26:01,640 --> 00:26:03,760 Speaker 1: I really didn't know how I was going to feel. 523 00:26:04,440 --> 00:26:07,720 Speaker 1: And the moment I met her, I immediately fell in 524 00:26:07,720 --> 00:26:09,920 Speaker 1: love with her. I fell in love with him ten 525 00:26:10,040 --> 00:26:15,160 Speaker 1: times more, and like everything in my life shifted because 526 00:26:15,240 --> 00:26:19,160 Speaker 1: I met her. And I remember the adjustment period being 527 00:26:19,240 --> 00:26:22,800 Speaker 1: something that like, wow, this is never what I had 528 00:26:22,840 --> 00:26:26,480 Speaker 1: expected from my life. This is so much more because 529 00:26:26,520 --> 00:26:29,879 Speaker 1: I'm able to give love to this person. And but 530 00:26:29,920 --> 00:26:32,160 Speaker 1: it's also it's a trial and error of seeing what 531 00:26:32,280 --> 00:26:36,560 Speaker 1: works best for all parties involved so that everybody can stay, 532 00:26:36,880 --> 00:26:39,640 Speaker 1: you know, as happy as possible and so the kids 533 00:26:39,680 --> 00:26:43,480 Speaker 1: feel good. You're absolutely right, and then you know, coming 534 00:26:43,520 --> 00:26:46,639 Speaker 1: in as a step mom, you also don't want to 535 00:26:46,720 --> 00:26:50,480 Speaker 1: step on the biological mama's toes. You know, how does 536 00:26:50,520 --> 00:26:54,959 Speaker 1: she like things done? How? You know, how can I 537 00:26:55,040 --> 00:26:57,600 Speaker 1: discipline to where it's like, I know my role is 538 00:26:57,640 --> 00:27:01,320 Speaker 1: not the real mama, but you know, and that was 539 00:27:01,359 --> 00:27:05,200 Speaker 1: a balance that I had to fight very hard to find. 540 00:27:04,520 --> 00:27:08,119 Speaker 1: And Katie, I'm curious how you found that balance, Like 541 00:27:08,200 --> 00:27:10,200 Speaker 1: were there tough conversations at the beginning. I know we 542 00:27:10,480 --> 00:27:12,439 Speaker 1: had a lot of listener questions about like how to 543 00:27:12,600 --> 00:27:16,560 Speaker 1: navigate that at the beginning, you know, it was basically 544 00:27:16,600 --> 00:27:19,800 Speaker 1: just trial and error. I would at first, I was like, 545 00:27:20,040 --> 00:27:23,160 Speaker 1: I'm not their mom, I'm just going to be their friend. 546 00:27:23,200 --> 00:27:25,119 Speaker 1: And then I was like, oh my gosh, I'm like 547 00:27:25,240 --> 00:27:32,720 Speaker 1: being bullied by children. That it was like exactly, they 548 00:27:32,720 --> 00:27:36,879 Speaker 1: sensed weakness. I was their most favorite person. I was 549 00:27:36,920 --> 00:27:40,399 Speaker 1: the weakest link. And so then you know, Randall told me, 550 00:27:40,440 --> 00:27:44,160 Speaker 1: you're allowed to put them in check. So now they 551 00:27:44,240 --> 00:27:47,640 Speaker 1: know that I do have authority, and now that I'm 552 00:27:47,840 --> 00:27:50,359 Speaker 1: you know, great with their mom. We talk on a 553 00:27:50,400 --> 00:27:54,400 Speaker 1: regular basis. If if one of the kids meeting special 554 00:27:54,440 --> 00:27:57,560 Speaker 1: care or she acted out at her mom's house. You know, 555 00:27:57,640 --> 00:27:59,879 Speaker 1: Amber will call me and say, I told London she 556 00:28:00,000 --> 00:28:02,440 Speaker 1: can't have her phone for two hours, and I'm like, okay, 557 00:28:02,640 --> 00:28:05,600 Speaker 1: we can do that. I'm going in. I know she 558 00:28:05,640 --> 00:28:08,280 Speaker 1: didn't have her phone for two hours. So well, it 559 00:28:08,880 --> 00:28:11,439 Speaker 1: was just like a learning process. And let me let 560 00:28:11,440 --> 00:28:13,280 Speaker 1: me just say one thing that's really neat is that 561 00:28:13,720 --> 00:28:16,480 Speaker 1: even from the beginning, even when there were some rough 562 00:28:16,520 --> 00:28:20,240 Speaker 1: waters with Lall and Amber, you know, we never let 563 00:28:20,240 --> 00:28:22,520 Speaker 1: the children see that. Amber and I never let the children. 564 00:28:22,600 --> 00:28:24,879 Speaker 1: Lawla never let the children see any of that stuff. 565 00:28:25,080 --> 00:28:28,719 Speaker 1: But today, because Lalla and Amber are so in sync, 566 00:28:29,280 --> 00:28:32,359 Speaker 1: they really do talk a lot, and they do. Amber 567 00:28:32,359 --> 00:28:34,560 Speaker 1: will call Lawla and say hey, blah blah blah, and 568 00:28:34,600 --> 00:28:37,240 Speaker 1: La La will call Amber and it's like, now, London 569 00:28:37,600 --> 00:28:39,960 Speaker 1: is kind of my My oldest is kind of screwed 570 00:28:40,280 --> 00:28:44,680 Speaker 1: because she can't manipulate, conquer and divide, so so she's yeah, 571 00:28:44,800 --> 00:28:48,120 Speaker 1: for for London, for London. Amber and I getting along 572 00:28:48,240 --> 00:28:52,720 Speaker 1: was like the worst thing to and how old is 573 00:28:52,760 --> 00:28:56,280 Speaker 1: she turning? Pen? Turning ten this week? But the funny 574 00:28:56,280 --> 00:28:59,600 Speaker 1: thing is my oldest one now, you know, comes to 575 00:28:59,720 --> 00:29:02,760 Speaker 1: me always is like that, you know, daddy, they're all 576 00:29:02,760 --> 00:29:05,840 Speaker 1: doing this, and I'm like, I'm the softest in the group, 577 00:29:05,920 --> 00:29:10,280 Speaker 1: so I'm like, what they did that? Oh my, that's horrible. 578 00:29:10,360 --> 00:29:16,240 Speaker 1: Now you're on the weakest wend. And Teddy, Teddy, I 579 00:29:16,280 --> 00:29:18,800 Speaker 1: wasn't aware that you were also a stepmom, And I 580 00:29:18,880 --> 00:29:23,080 Speaker 1: really don't feel that step mom get the credit they 581 00:29:23,120 --> 00:29:27,560 Speaker 1: deserve because you're taking on two children that are not yours, 582 00:29:27,640 --> 00:29:29,600 Speaker 1: and you know, you're already at the bottom of the 583 00:29:29,640 --> 00:29:32,520 Speaker 1: totem pole because they're like, well, you know, you're not 584 00:29:32,560 --> 00:29:36,440 Speaker 1: their real mom, remember your place, and it's really hard. 585 00:29:37,880 --> 00:29:41,360 Speaker 1: I think the biggest thing for for me has been 586 00:29:43,000 --> 00:29:46,720 Speaker 1: that as the time goes on and as we've like developed, 587 00:29:46,720 --> 00:29:49,360 Speaker 1: you know, because now I'm eleven years into this, so 588 00:29:49,880 --> 00:29:54,800 Speaker 1: like I can't imagine our family unit without because now 589 00:29:54,840 --> 00:29:57,840 Speaker 1: I have two kids in my own, I'm pregnant, and 590 00:29:58,000 --> 00:29:59,920 Speaker 1: we just keep you know, and her and Bella's other 591 00:30:00,000 --> 00:30:02,400 Speaker 1: family they're growing as well as you know as well, 592 00:30:02,400 --> 00:30:04,400 Speaker 1: so we just have to all kind of be on 593 00:30:04,440 --> 00:30:06,680 Speaker 1: the same page. But it's like gotten to the point 594 00:30:06,680 --> 00:30:11,600 Speaker 1: where like it is so much fun because you know, 595 00:30:11,720 --> 00:30:13,719 Speaker 1: and you'll see as well. All I heard you speaking 596 00:30:13,760 --> 00:30:16,120 Speaker 1: about like you're ready to start a family to kind 597 00:30:16,120 --> 00:30:19,520 Speaker 1: of soon, and I feel like as that starts to happen, 598 00:30:19,680 --> 00:30:21,960 Speaker 1: you realize, like you really are going to start to 599 00:30:22,000 --> 00:30:24,760 Speaker 1: get even more on the same page with Randall about 600 00:30:24,800 --> 00:30:27,600 Speaker 1: parenting and you kind of really fall into your roles 601 00:30:27,640 --> 00:30:31,320 Speaker 1: and you'll become an even better stepmother because you'll start 602 00:30:31,360 --> 00:30:34,880 Speaker 1: to like everything starts to kind of grow. And I mean, 603 00:30:34,920 --> 00:30:38,000 Speaker 1: but Randall, you're gonna continue being the week my husband 604 00:30:38,000 --> 00:30:40,080 Speaker 1: will say something to me and he'll be like, you know, 605 00:30:40,120 --> 00:30:42,320 Speaker 1: I really don't think the kids should do whatever, And 606 00:30:42,360 --> 00:30:44,800 Speaker 1: then I'll be the one to kind of be like, okay, guys, 607 00:30:44,880 --> 00:30:48,560 Speaker 1: and then I swear Edwin will go the kids will 608 00:30:48,560 --> 00:30:51,080 Speaker 1: come back and be like dad mom said blah blah blah, 609 00:30:51,080 --> 00:31:02,280 Speaker 1: and edone will go no TOUGHI why does she do that? No? Not? Yeah? 610 00:31:02,400 --> 00:31:06,200 Speaker 1: Oh yeah that's that's Amber and La La are are 611 00:31:06,320 --> 00:31:09,240 Speaker 1: are the force to be reckoned with and and like 612 00:31:09,360 --> 00:31:11,720 Speaker 1: especially now going back to l A and I have 613 00:31:11,800 --> 00:31:15,080 Speaker 1: the kids for you know, is going to be at 614 00:31:15,120 --> 00:31:18,480 Speaker 1: work for a couple of weeks and it's like destroy 615 00:31:18,560 --> 00:31:21,920 Speaker 1: the house, don't clean anything up, eat tons of cookies 616 00:31:21,960 --> 00:31:24,959 Speaker 1: and popcorn. It's just we're gonna go. We're gonna go crazy. 617 00:31:25,200 --> 00:31:32,000 Speaker 1: Number parties to brush your hair. Yeah, um what So 618 00:31:32,520 --> 00:31:34,640 Speaker 1: to be a little cheeky, what's the rule now on 619 00:31:34,680 --> 00:31:37,640 Speaker 1: the social media because a lot of our listeners are like, 620 00:31:37,880 --> 00:31:40,040 Speaker 1: what do you guys think the rule is on? And 621 00:31:40,080 --> 00:31:43,680 Speaker 1: I'm like, for us, social media wasn't when when we 622 00:31:43,720 --> 00:31:46,560 Speaker 1: first started co parenting and we first started you know, 623 00:31:46,760 --> 00:31:49,720 Speaker 1: there wasn't as much. There wasn't like Instagram. There was 624 00:31:49,760 --> 00:31:53,160 Speaker 1: like um, you know Facebook that you maybe posted on 625 00:31:53,160 --> 00:31:57,200 Speaker 1: once a week. So it's definitely shifted. Yes, uh well 626 00:31:57,240 --> 00:32:00,880 Speaker 1: today I mean today they I mean, I mean La 627 00:32:01,000 --> 00:32:05,040 Speaker 1: La you know, supports Amber's jewelry company and post her. 628 00:32:05,160 --> 00:32:09,440 Speaker 1: I mean there's and without getting into too much detail, 629 00:32:09,680 --> 00:32:12,959 Speaker 1: Amber and I were not in a great place. And 630 00:32:13,000 --> 00:32:16,320 Speaker 1: when we had the meeting before Christmas, there were tears 631 00:32:16,360 --> 00:32:19,480 Speaker 1: that were shed, there were apologies. I let her know, 632 00:32:19,840 --> 00:32:21,960 Speaker 1: you know, and I'm gonna say this without getting chokes 633 00:32:22,000 --> 00:32:24,080 Speaker 1: to have, but I'm an emotional break right now. I 634 00:32:24,080 --> 00:32:28,080 Speaker 1: don't know why. Um, you know those I just basically 635 00:32:28,120 --> 00:32:31,400 Speaker 1: thanked her because those girls that she brought into the world, 636 00:32:31,360 --> 00:32:35,640 Speaker 1: they're like, my life is forever changed, forever better for them. 637 00:32:35,960 --> 00:32:38,640 Speaker 1: And now she doesn't have a problem, Like if she 638 00:32:38,760 --> 00:32:41,320 Speaker 1: sees the girls on Instagram, if I post them, she'll 639 00:32:41,400 --> 00:32:43,400 Speaker 1: send me a message just like, oh my gosh, that's 640 00:32:43,400 --> 00:32:45,800 Speaker 1: so funny, that's so cute. So I think when you 641 00:32:45,880 --> 00:32:49,880 Speaker 1: put the personal issues aside and remember the one goal 642 00:32:50,080 --> 00:32:53,040 Speaker 1: is to make these kids incredible human beings, they can 643 00:32:53,040 --> 00:32:56,560 Speaker 1: go out into the world and take it on. That's 644 00:32:56,560 --> 00:32:58,640 Speaker 1: all that matters. Yeah. I think we get to that 645 00:32:58,720 --> 00:33:02,840 Speaker 1: place you thrive. Yeah, And you showed her empathy, and 646 00:33:02,880 --> 00:33:05,600 Speaker 1: I think that's such a big thing. When you can 647 00:33:05,640 --> 00:33:09,520 Speaker 1: connect on that level and really understand, you know, there's 648 00:33:09,520 --> 00:33:12,880 Speaker 1: a respect and there's also empathy, then everybody can kind 649 00:33:12,880 --> 00:33:15,040 Speaker 1: of go for it and go I was just going 650 00:33:15,080 --> 00:33:17,720 Speaker 1: to say a big sire having to deal with at tension, 651 00:33:17,760 --> 00:33:20,400 Speaker 1: because I think that's the thing we get to. I 652 00:33:20,400 --> 00:33:22,000 Speaker 1: don't know if anybody agrees with this. I think we 653 00:33:22,040 --> 00:33:25,920 Speaker 1: get too upset about our own issues and our own relationships. 654 00:33:25,920 --> 00:33:29,360 Speaker 1: We we can't forget the kids. It's really about them, absolutely. 655 00:33:29,560 --> 00:33:32,400 Speaker 1: Kids are always, always, always got to be put in 656 00:33:32,520 --> 00:33:35,480 Speaker 1: front and always, you know. And I think I think 657 00:33:35,520 --> 00:33:37,560 Speaker 1: when I think, you know, we went to this dinner 658 00:33:37,560 --> 00:33:40,680 Speaker 1: and Amber and uh, like I said, you know, just 659 00:33:40,720 --> 00:33:43,480 Speaker 1: to skin the service. But when we went to this dinner, 660 00:33:43,520 --> 00:33:45,600 Speaker 1: I mean the two of them, I mean, it was 661 00:33:45,680 --> 00:33:49,960 Speaker 1: just the connection and empathy, lawless show and the and 662 00:33:50,000 --> 00:33:52,880 Speaker 1: the apologies and just all that was just gone in 663 00:33:52,960 --> 00:33:55,720 Speaker 1: like half hour, and it was just the biggest wait, 664 00:33:56,600 --> 00:33:59,360 Speaker 1: you know, lifted off everybody. And I just thought about 665 00:33:59,400 --> 00:34:01,840 Speaker 1: the day. That dinner was like one of the best 666 00:34:01,920 --> 00:34:04,200 Speaker 1: moments that I've ever had in my whole life, because 667 00:34:04,240 --> 00:34:07,560 Speaker 1: I spelled that my life was really great, but there 668 00:34:07,640 --> 00:34:10,040 Speaker 1: was one dark cloud that was hanging over my head 669 00:34:10,080 --> 00:34:13,520 Speaker 1: and it was always that relationship that I did not 670 00:34:13,719 --> 00:34:18,279 Speaker 1: have with the girl's mom. And I can honestly say, 671 00:34:18,280 --> 00:34:21,200 Speaker 1: like she's one of my favorite human beings. Now they're 672 00:34:21,239 --> 00:34:25,399 Speaker 1: actually breaking a rock star. She honestly has a better 673 00:34:25,440 --> 00:34:27,759 Speaker 1: relationship with Amber. I have to go through Lalla, now 674 00:34:29,440 --> 00:34:33,920 Speaker 1: that's what you kind of go through it, but I 675 00:34:33,960 --> 00:34:36,360 Speaker 1: think you know a lot it goes back. We actually 676 00:34:36,360 --> 00:34:39,560 Speaker 1: answered this question earlier because the listener was saying, you know, 677 00:34:39,640 --> 00:34:42,320 Speaker 1: do you think a meeting is worth it? And Katie 678 00:34:42,320 --> 00:34:44,400 Speaker 1: had said, you know, a meeting is worth it if 679 00:34:44,400 --> 00:34:47,840 Speaker 1: both parties are ready, and you know what, Teddy and Katie, 680 00:34:47,840 --> 00:34:51,480 Speaker 1: that's totally true because there were many occasions where we 681 00:34:51,560 --> 00:34:53,880 Speaker 1: would try to set up these meetings and one party 682 00:34:53,920 --> 00:34:56,680 Speaker 1: would not be down for it, and so you know 683 00:34:56,800 --> 00:34:59,759 Speaker 1: that will happen where it's just like you're not in 684 00:34:59,840 --> 00:35:02,680 Speaker 1: the place yet, but once you get to it, it's 685 00:35:02,719 --> 00:35:05,800 Speaker 1: like you forget all of those moments that you guys 686 00:35:06,280 --> 00:35:09,399 Speaker 1: like I can't even imagine Amber and I going TOES now, 687 00:35:09,480 --> 00:35:11,640 Speaker 1: like I would never do it. Never. Wait, can I 688 00:35:11,680 --> 00:35:13,879 Speaker 1: say one other thing. I have a friend, a very 689 00:35:13,920 --> 00:35:18,720 Speaker 1: close friend who um became a step mother as well 690 00:35:18,840 --> 00:35:22,040 Speaker 1: and went to war for ten years. She told us, 691 00:35:22,200 --> 00:35:24,160 Speaker 1: she told law on it on the day we met. 692 00:35:24,200 --> 00:35:28,120 Speaker 1: A decade of war. Now she is best friends, best 693 00:35:28,120 --> 00:35:31,800 Speaker 1: friends with you know some the mom best friends, and 694 00:35:31,920 --> 00:35:35,680 Speaker 1: she says, I really wish I had done this ten 695 00:35:35,760 --> 00:35:38,239 Speaker 1: years ago, like this is so stupid. But again, when 696 00:35:38,239 --> 00:35:41,279 Speaker 1: people aren't ready, like you're not gonna have that same outcome. Well, 697 00:35:41,320 --> 00:35:43,200 Speaker 1: I always I always tell myself do I want to 698 00:35:43,239 --> 00:35:45,480 Speaker 1: be right? Or do I want to be happy? True? 699 00:35:46,160 --> 00:35:49,680 Speaker 1: Happy happy? And when you really think about it, you're like, 700 00:35:49,719 --> 00:35:51,320 Speaker 1: I just want to be happy. I just want to 701 00:35:51,360 --> 00:35:54,680 Speaker 1: have peace. I just want to be Like it goes 702 00:35:54,719 --> 00:35:57,239 Speaker 1: into you know, like discussions even with your husband that 703 00:35:57,320 --> 00:35:59,120 Speaker 1: don't have to do with your kids or your friends 704 00:35:59,200 --> 00:36:01,799 Speaker 1: or whatever it may like, at some point you gotta 705 00:36:01,840 --> 00:36:05,160 Speaker 1: be like, okay, this this isn't worth it to go 706 00:36:05,200 --> 00:36:10,160 Speaker 1: around turn around, Like even though I think I'm right, right, 707 00:36:11,400 --> 00:36:14,040 Speaker 1: but I am right. I mean, I'm a know it all. 708 00:36:14,120 --> 00:36:15,879 Speaker 1: So I mean, I I know I'm right, but I'm 709 00:36:16,000 --> 00:36:23,480 Speaker 1: like common it works for us. Yeah, that's great. And 710 00:36:23,680 --> 00:36:26,600 Speaker 1: I what I realized, what I realized if I fought 711 00:36:26,640 --> 00:36:29,439 Speaker 1: it for about the first three years, now, I don't 712 00:36:29,480 --> 00:36:38,200 Speaker 1: give it. I'll be wrong every days. Answer. My husband 713 00:36:38,239 --> 00:36:40,200 Speaker 1: kind of does this switch off. He'll be like when 714 00:36:40,200 --> 00:36:42,640 Speaker 1: it comes to like I'll have like a gut instinct 715 00:36:42,640 --> 00:36:45,439 Speaker 1: about somebody, and then that's when he wants to use 716 00:36:45,480 --> 00:36:47,440 Speaker 1: my like no at all thing. He'll be like, okay, 717 00:36:47,480 --> 00:36:48,759 Speaker 1: so what do you think of this person I just 718 00:36:48,800 --> 00:36:52,799 Speaker 1: interviewed him, Like nope, and he's like, then he likes it, 719 00:36:52,840 --> 00:36:55,160 Speaker 1: but if it's involving him, he's like, I don't want 720 00:36:55,200 --> 00:36:59,759 Speaker 1: to hear about it, no at all. Petty. By the way, 721 00:37:00,040 --> 00:37:02,600 Speaker 1: Law is the same, very similar. She always gives me 722 00:37:02,640 --> 00:37:06,120 Speaker 1: her opinion on people, and it truly is accurate. I 723 00:37:06,160 --> 00:37:08,760 Speaker 1: don't want to hear some like say that's a good person. 724 00:37:08,800 --> 00:37:11,680 Speaker 1: She's like, oh, yeah, okay, you're an idiot. Three months 725 00:37:11,719 --> 00:37:14,960 Speaker 1: from now, wait and see three months from now. It's 726 00:37:15,000 --> 00:37:18,000 Speaker 1: like the worst person I've ever met. It's always right 727 00:37:18,120 --> 00:37:24,600 Speaker 1: to pick the towel up off the floor. I want 728 00:37:24,600 --> 00:37:27,839 Speaker 1: to I want to take a renade launch day. That's 729 00:37:27,880 --> 00:37:30,759 Speaker 1: what happens. You use as for our skills, but then 730 00:37:31,160 --> 00:37:34,319 Speaker 1: you know, when you're pointing out the obvious, it's just 731 00:37:34,360 --> 00:37:37,200 Speaker 1: so irritating to you. Uh. Speaking of m how's the 732 00:37:37,239 --> 00:37:42,440 Speaker 1: wedding planning going? Oh my gosh, we're we're being worth 733 00:37:42,960 --> 00:37:46,400 Speaker 1: at this. We had to bring our mom's in to 734 00:37:48,120 --> 00:37:51,440 Speaker 1: we're horrible, which is amazing because like Randall's mom is 735 00:37:51,480 --> 00:37:54,160 Speaker 1: like the typical Jewish mother. She gets the job done, 736 00:37:54,200 --> 00:37:58,560 Speaker 1: I'm gonna with her. And then like she's like, not 737 00:37:59,200 --> 00:38:03,120 Speaker 1: uh to crowd, to play the bad guy, just his 738 00:38:03,239 --> 00:38:06,399 Speaker 1: mom and my mom, you you need to start an 739 00:38:06,440 --> 00:38:11,120 Speaker 1: event company, or because I from the world, my mom, 740 00:38:11,280 --> 00:38:14,360 Speaker 1: my mom, my mom said this is this? Is it? 741 00:38:14,520 --> 00:38:17,000 Speaker 1: Like this? Because remember my mom's in her seventies. I mean, 742 00:38:17,000 --> 00:38:19,560 Speaker 1: obviously just gonna kill me for saying this. My mom's 743 00:38:19,560 --> 00:38:22,120 Speaker 1: in her seventies and she's flying back and forth and 744 00:38:22,200 --> 00:38:25,160 Speaker 1: running around and meeting flower people with her mom and 745 00:38:25,200 --> 00:38:26,960 Speaker 1: blah blah. But I will tell you if they did 746 00:38:27,040 --> 00:38:29,160 Speaker 1: not step in and he do, is how bad we are. 747 00:38:29,440 --> 00:38:32,200 Speaker 1: And and just put it in perspective. We're less than 748 00:38:32,280 --> 00:38:34,960 Speaker 1: ninety days away from the wedding. We have not sent 749 00:38:35,000 --> 00:38:41,359 Speaker 1: out our wedding invites yet. Okay, so you're the opposite 750 00:38:41,400 --> 00:38:47,279 Speaker 1: of bride zillah. Yeah, like absent bride or just like 751 00:38:47,480 --> 00:38:51,800 Speaker 1: I'll just show up on the day bride. Um, well 752 00:38:51,840 --> 00:38:54,799 Speaker 1: you know what I have to to make you feel better. 753 00:38:54,920 --> 00:38:57,279 Speaker 1: I am the world's worse with thank you notes. They 754 00:38:57,360 --> 00:39:02,480 Speaker 1: honestly give me raging anxiety. God, I'm like if there's 755 00:39:02,480 --> 00:39:05,240 Speaker 1: a party and like there's gonna be gifts. I'm like, please, 756 00:39:05,239 --> 00:39:06,880 Speaker 1: just don't bring gifts because I don't want to have 757 00:39:06,920 --> 00:39:11,200 Speaker 1: to write sixty thank you cards over Like Teddy, I'm 758 00:39:11,280 --> 00:39:13,759 Speaker 1: the same way. In fact, I didn't even realize that 759 00:39:13,800 --> 00:39:15,960 Speaker 1: after this wedding there's still the thank you notes that 760 00:39:15,960 --> 00:39:18,040 Speaker 1: I have to go. Yeah, that's what I'm warning you about. 761 00:39:18,160 --> 00:39:22,359 Speaker 1: Get ready, girl, it is a disaster. Like you need 762 00:39:22,400 --> 00:39:25,680 Speaker 1: to get somebody that has your same exact writing and 763 00:39:25,880 --> 00:39:28,759 Speaker 1: have her get to work because it is torture. This 764 00:39:28,840 --> 00:39:31,319 Speaker 1: is this is Randall's fault though, you guys, because I 765 00:39:31,400 --> 00:39:34,759 Speaker 1: told him, let's somewhere really small, let's like make it 766 00:39:34,880 --> 00:39:37,240 Speaker 1: cute and quaint, and he was like, I want it grand, 767 00:39:37,360 --> 00:39:43,480 Speaker 1: I want it huge. I'm like, what we get, I've had. 768 00:39:43,480 --> 00:39:46,600 Speaker 1: But I was married twice, so like I ed one's 769 00:39:46,680 --> 00:39:49,200 Speaker 1: my second husband. My first reason I had a huge wedding, 770 00:39:49,920 --> 00:39:52,840 Speaker 1: you know, more like of my parents friends than my own, 771 00:39:53,120 --> 00:39:55,240 Speaker 1: like had to spend the time like walking from table 772 00:39:55,280 --> 00:39:57,800 Speaker 1: to table like hi, how are you? Thanks for coming? 773 00:39:58,239 --> 00:40:02,440 Speaker 1: And then my second one like just our family, you 774 00:40:02,480 --> 00:40:06,120 Speaker 1: know it, So both were you know both. I was 775 00:40:06,160 --> 00:40:08,719 Speaker 1: a little bit bridezilla about because I'm the most type 776 00:40:08,760 --> 00:40:13,440 Speaker 1: a human being of life. But um, it's definitely you're 777 00:40:13,440 --> 00:40:15,200 Speaker 1: gonna have some thank you cards. You need to get 778 00:40:15,200 --> 00:40:17,960 Speaker 1: the invites out or you can't get butt hurt if 779 00:40:18,000 --> 00:40:22,560 Speaker 1: people don't show up. Totally not going to be but hurt. 780 00:40:23,000 --> 00:40:28,279 Speaker 1: That's what I text people, like the hotel code and 781 00:40:28,320 --> 00:40:30,640 Speaker 1: I'm like, don't forget my wedding day. People are like, 782 00:40:30,680 --> 00:40:34,880 Speaker 1: are you serious? You're texting me and invite you know, 783 00:40:36,080 --> 00:40:38,720 Speaker 1: I feel like you and Edwin have a lot in common, 784 00:40:38,880 --> 00:40:41,319 Speaker 1: Like Edwin will do the same. It'll be like his 785 00:40:41,400 --> 00:40:44,080 Speaker 1: work holiday party with a thousand people and he'll be like, hey, 786 00:40:44,120 --> 00:40:47,200 Speaker 1: it's Saturday night. I'm like, you're just telling me and 787 00:40:47,239 --> 00:40:49,520 Speaker 1: he's like, oh yeah, and it's a white theme. I'm like, 788 00:40:49,560 --> 00:40:55,520 Speaker 1: I'm eight months pregnants a white themed holiday party. You're dead. 789 00:40:55,680 --> 00:40:58,680 Speaker 1: You're the cutest, you know, You're like the cutest pregnant 790 00:40:58,719 --> 00:41:02,319 Speaker 1: person alive. Like you couldn't throw on anything, and you're 791 00:41:02,360 --> 00:41:04,560 Speaker 1: gonna look cheap as they come. I can assure you 792 00:41:04,640 --> 00:41:06,560 Speaker 1: if you saw me in person right now, you would 793 00:41:06,560 --> 00:41:08,640 Speaker 1: not feel that way. I'm like sweating through this chair, 794 00:41:09,320 --> 00:41:12,640 Speaker 1: like I'm like, sorry, Katie, it's rough going around Jane. Um, 795 00:41:13,360 --> 00:41:16,480 Speaker 1: when do you guys think that you're gonna start, yeah, 796 00:41:17,400 --> 00:41:23,160 Speaker 1: babies right away, babies later. I started yesterday. But Randall 797 00:41:23,239 --> 00:41:25,280 Speaker 1: is like, we have to be married for at least 798 00:41:25,400 --> 00:41:27,880 Speaker 1: one year before we get it popping. And I'm like, okay, 799 00:41:27,880 --> 00:41:30,480 Speaker 1: well that's nine months to make a baby, so we 800 00:41:30,520 --> 00:41:32,839 Speaker 1: can just get it popping and then you know, an here, 801 00:41:32,920 --> 00:41:36,879 Speaker 1: the baby will be here. It's all anxiety. I mean 802 00:41:37,000 --> 00:41:39,480 Speaker 1: what a lot of the common thing is like, well, 803 00:41:39,480 --> 00:41:42,319 Speaker 1: i've got a ja being off birth control, and then 804 00:41:42,360 --> 00:41:44,560 Speaker 1: we see what happens. But then what ends up happening 805 00:41:44,640 --> 00:41:47,880 Speaker 1: is most people get pregnant your body ad just pretty quickly. 806 00:41:48,920 --> 00:41:53,400 Speaker 1: Don't write let this let me do this with with 807 00:41:53,480 --> 00:41:57,680 Speaker 1: La La. Honestly, we've done it so perfectly. Like we 808 00:41:57,680 --> 00:42:00,400 Speaker 1: we dated for like what three years eight that we 809 00:42:00,400 --> 00:42:01,920 Speaker 1: get that we've got a gauge for a little over 810 00:42:01,960 --> 00:42:04,800 Speaker 1: a year, and I just want to enjoy being married 811 00:42:04,840 --> 00:42:07,040 Speaker 1: for a year and then she can have as many 812 00:42:07,080 --> 00:42:10,040 Speaker 1: babies as you want you want. It's so funny because 813 00:42:10,040 --> 00:42:12,160 Speaker 1: he'll be like, but Law, like, you're so young, and 814 00:42:12,160 --> 00:42:17,080 Speaker 1: I'm like, I know, but you're not. You're like, you 815 00:42:17,200 --> 00:42:20,360 Speaker 1: know what you're going to have to be? Well, she 816 00:42:20,520 --> 00:42:23,239 Speaker 1: do you mean think about the you know, high school graduation. 817 00:42:27,120 --> 00:42:29,280 Speaker 1: But I do agree with Randall. You want to enjoy there, 818 00:42:30,560 --> 00:42:33,200 Speaker 1: I know, but it's like a time. It's like a 819 00:42:33,280 --> 00:42:36,360 Speaker 1: timer that's that's going to expire eventually. So I understand. 820 00:42:36,400 --> 00:42:39,600 Speaker 1: I agree that we will have a baby quickly. I 821 00:42:39,680 --> 00:42:43,080 Speaker 1: just want to have like eleven or months, baby ten nine, eight, 822 00:42:43,480 --> 00:42:45,879 Speaker 1: something where we can run around and play husband one. 823 00:42:47,080 --> 00:42:49,600 Speaker 1: You know, I heard the eight months. I heard the 824 00:42:49,640 --> 00:42:53,799 Speaker 1: eight months. Don't worry Teddy. I definitely am taking enough. 825 00:42:53,960 --> 00:42:57,080 Speaker 1: But I have a pregnancy pact with Brittany, Stacy and Katie, 826 00:42:57,440 --> 00:42:59,560 Speaker 1: so like we all know we're when we're gonna like 827 00:43:00,000 --> 00:43:02,880 Speaker 1: are getting it moving. So you know, Randall, apparently you 828 00:43:02,920 --> 00:43:06,240 Speaker 1: don't have any saying that, So just get ready. No, 829 00:43:06,400 --> 00:43:08,480 Speaker 1: he thinks he does, but he doesn't. He's going to 830 00:43:08,600 --> 00:43:11,600 Speaker 1: learn this quickly, Like he's learning slower than I thought. 831 00:43:12,320 --> 00:43:14,840 Speaker 1: Like I run the show, but it will happen. Most 832 00:43:14,880 --> 00:43:17,040 Speaker 1: men do that takes them a little while to come 833 00:43:17,080 --> 00:43:20,320 Speaker 1: around to go all right, I'm just here for the ride, 834 00:43:22,360 --> 00:43:26,279 Speaker 1: right exactly. Oh my gosh, Well, I can't thank you 835 00:43:26,320 --> 00:43:29,080 Speaker 1: guys enough for coming on. You guys are so easy 836 00:43:29,120 --> 00:43:32,200 Speaker 1: to talk to and so fun. I am so happy 837 00:43:32,239 --> 00:43:35,880 Speaker 1: that you guys are co parenting with ease and everything 838 00:43:36,000 --> 00:43:38,160 Speaker 1: is going great and I wish you the very very best. 839 00:43:39,320 --> 00:43:41,880 Speaker 1: Thank you so much, Teddy and Katie, you guys are 840 00:43:41,880 --> 00:43:45,840 Speaker 1: the best. Thanks. I like, I didn't know what was 841 00:43:45,880 --> 00:43:48,640 Speaker 1: coming on that they are so awesome, great, and I 842 00:43:48,680 --> 00:43:52,200 Speaker 1: just love the conversation. They are co parenting so easily. 843 00:43:52,239 --> 00:43:54,080 Speaker 1: I mean, I know it hasn't been the beginning, but 844 00:43:54,239 --> 00:43:57,080 Speaker 1: they made it work and they're fun and they you 845 00:43:57,120 --> 00:43:59,520 Speaker 1: can tell they really like one another. I know they're 846 00:43:59,600 --> 00:44:02,759 Speaker 1: laughing each other's jokes. It's I mean, I really I 847 00:44:02,800 --> 00:44:06,360 Speaker 1: felt good about that. I did too, and Randall hilarious. 848 00:44:08,360 --> 00:44:09,839 Speaker 1: So we got to take a little break and then 849 00:44:09,880 --> 00:44:21,239 Speaker 1: we'll close out, all right, So we are back from 850 00:44:21,239 --> 00:44:25,560 Speaker 1: the break and Katie, and now we're back from the 851 00:44:25,600 --> 00:44:27,839 Speaker 1: break and all right, Katie, you ready to give us 852 00:44:27,840 --> 00:44:30,160 Speaker 1: the book right now? I'm ready. And this one's been 853 00:44:30,160 --> 00:44:32,319 Speaker 1: talked about a lot over the years. It's mom's house, 854 00:44:32,440 --> 00:44:34,839 Speaker 1: dad's house, and that's kind of a way to deal 855 00:44:34,920 --> 00:44:37,479 Speaker 1: with divorce and co parenting and kind of all that stuff. 856 00:44:37,480 --> 00:44:39,320 Speaker 1: And there are a lot of like the co Parenting Handbook, 857 00:44:39,320 --> 00:44:40,920 Speaker 1: there's other things that people have used two, But that's 858 00:44:40,960 --> 00:44:43,600 Speaker 1: the one that I know that people use the most. 859 00:44:43,920 --> 00:44:46,360 Speaker 1: And then what about support groups, whether it be for 860 00:44:46,920 --> 00:44:50,120 Speaker 1: the mom, the dad, the step mom. What's your recommendations there? 861 00:44:50,320 --> 00:44:52,440 Speaker 1: I mean support groups. Facebook is a great way to 862 00:44:52,680 --> 00:44:55,600 Speaker 1: join groups of people who have similar issues and at 863 00:44:55,600 --> 00:44:57,120 Speaker 1: the very least you get someone in there that is 864 00:44:57,160 --> 00:44:58,759 Speaker 1: going through something similar and they can be like, it 865 00:44:58,800 --> 00:45:01,719 Speaker 1: gets better. But do think that sometimes people can rev 866 00:45:01,760 --> 00:45:04,239 Speaker 1: each other up even more because so and so is 867 00:45:04,320 --> 00:45:06,839 Speaker 1: angry and then they're like, yes, I'm justifying what I'm 868 00:45:06,880 --> 00:45:09,600 Speaker 1: angry about. Now here we are. So pay attention to 869 00:45:09,600 --> 00:45:11,600 Speaker 1: how you feel before you get into the groups and 870 00:45:11,680 --> 00:45:15,839 Speaker 1: after and leave and enter accordingly. Right, so you make 871 00:45:15,880 --> 00:45:17,920 Speaker 1: sure it's helpful because you want to leave feeling like 872 00:45:19,120 --> 00:45:21,600 Speaker 1: I'm not alone and it's okay to be mad, and 873 00:45:21,600 --> 00:45:23,480 Speaker 1: it's okay to be frustrated, but you should feel like 874 00:45:23,719 --> 00:45:27,360 Speaker 1: I'll try that tip that Susiette told me or whatever. 875 00:45:27,719 --> 00:45:32,080 Speaker 1: So if you could give everybody one takeaway from co 876 00:45:32,280 --> 00:45:36,960 Speaker 1: parenting other than the being organized, setting the tone, setting 877 00:45:37,000 --> 00:45:39,600 Speaker 1: the schedules, kind of laying it out and then showing 878 00:45:39,640 --> 00:45:43,879 Speaker 1: the children love, what would you say, Just remember it's 879 00:45:44,000 --> 00:45:47,120 Speaker 1: about the kids. It's not about you. So every time 880 00:45:47,160 --> 00:45:49,480 Speaker 1: you try to get you feel frustrated, you're angry, take 881 00:45:49,520 --> 00:45:52,040 Speaker 1: your ego out of it. It's really about the kids. 882 00:45:53,080 --> 00:45:55,719 Speaker 1: You know. You can't really beat that. Advice guys. And 883 00:45:55,760 --> 00:45:57,880 Speaker 1: for those of you guys who are wanting more information 884 00:45:57,920 --> 00:46:00,440 Speaker 1: on Katie, Katie take it away. Yeah. I have a 885 00:46:00,480 --> 00:46:02,759 Speaker 1: YouTube channel. My name is Katie Morton. You can find me. 886 00:46:02,880 --> 00:46:04,239 Speaker 1: And then I had a book that came out called 887 00:46:04,280 --> 00:46:06,319 Speaker 1: Are You Okay? A Guide Caring for your Mental Health. 888 00:46:06,320 --> 00:46:08,280 Speaker 1: It's kind of like where to start, what to ask? 889 00:46:09,040 --> 00:46:12,400 Speaker 1: Just see a therapist, what's it like? Toxic relationships, communications, 890 00:46:12,480 --> 00:46:15,000 Speaker 1: skills to talk about all that stuff? And I mean, guys, 891 00:46:15,000 --> 00:46:16,759 Speaker 1: I have to brag for her a little bit. Her 892 00:46:16,840 --> 00:46:22,200 Speaker 1: YouTube channel has like over fifty million downloads. What amazing? Well, 893 00:46:22,239 --> 00:46:25,240 Speaker 1: thank you, yeah, thank you, and you guys keep writing 894 00:46:25,239 --> 00:46:29,600 Speaker 1: in questions because I love to continue on down these topics. 895 00:46:29,640 --> 00:46:31,840 Speaker 1: I want to know what you guys want to know about. 896 00:46:32,239 --> 00:46:34,719 Speaker 1: I love this, I love learning from people. I love 897 00:46:34,760 --> 00:46:37,759 Speaker 1: hearing people's stories. So thank you guys for listening, and 898 00:46:37,800 --> 00:46:42,280 Speaker 1: please keep these questions coming. Thanks for listening. Subscribe Ton 899 00:46:42,600 --> 00:46:45,919 Speaker 1: Pot on Radio or wherever you listen to podcasts