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Speaker 1: You're hurting somebody, and I don't think people understand how

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Speaker 1: bad is that pain when you hurt somebody that loves

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Speaker 1: you And it might not be your wife, It just

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Speaker 1: might be a girl that you probably was playing mind

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Speaker 1: games with and you made them feel like you love them,

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Speaker 1: and it's like you rip that love from them, and

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Speaker 1: it's like God would make you pay for that. So

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Speaker 1: don't bring that back karma into you.

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Speaker 2: Boy. Thanks for watching guys. Today's episode is brought to

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Speaker 2: you by Boost Mobile.

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Speaker 3: We can't play with our lives, like, I'm just gonna

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Speaker 3: get to it, like biological clock. The biological clock for

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Speaker 3: women is a real thing and for men too, But

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Speaker 3: I'm gonna speak for us, like we can't go backwards,

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Speaker 3: so don't. I'm not let somebody waste my time, like

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Speaker 3: that's a rule, Like and once I started understand the

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Speaker 3: value of like how the clock, you know, does not wiggle,

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Speaker 3: it's like wait a minute, like what we're doing, Like

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Speaker 3: I'm not letting someone waste my time on my dining.

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Speaker 3: I'm letting you waste my time, Like that's not an option.

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Speaker 3: But you have to get to a certain place to

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Speaker 3: feel that because you understand the significance of like when

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Speaker 3: I look back, I can't get it back, and you're

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Speaker 3: not gonna keep robbing me of my years. Don't be

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Speaker 3: love bombing me like that. I understand what that meant,

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Speaker 3: but it's like, that's not right.

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Speaker 4: Okay.

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Speaker 2: So we have a new segment. It is presented by

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Speaker 2: boost Mobiles called voice note. So this is where either

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Speaker 2: listener of a commenter or a friend of the show

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Speaker 2: sends in a voice note for you, wow, see the

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Speaker 2: love a story, usually a question, Sometimes people want advice.

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Speaker 2: These all kinds of different things. Somebody's send it as

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Speaker 2: a voice note. Yes, of course he's from Texas.

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Speaker 5: I love it. Yeah, Oh my boy, bom, I got

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Speaker 5: a question for you. Bro, let's go.

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Speaker 6: So I just got married and players anthem was actually

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Speaker 6: my way to walkout song. But I'll keep it g bro,

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Speaker 6: hain't gonna lie. I used to be a player. Now

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Speaker 6: I'm trying to walk the straight line.

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Speaker 5: And avoid the gun line.

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Speaker 6: What type of advice would you give me on being

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Speaker 6: a solid husband and and and then try.

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Speaker 5: To do right type shit? Like, what advice would you

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Speaker 5: give me?

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Speaker 7: No question, he asked the right question to the right guy, didn't.

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Speaker 2: He He didn't even know what our conversation was going

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Speaker 2: to be to.

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Speaker 4: Answered it the whole podcast, by the way, but I'm.

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Speaker 8: Will just rewind this whole.

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Speaker 4: No, I got specific advice for Will.

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Speaker 5: Okay, specific advice for Will.

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Speaker 9: Will.

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Speaker 10: I'm gonna need you in the next I'm gonna need

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Speaker 10: you by the beginning of the year to get yourself

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Speaker 10: to a place where you can leave.

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Speaker 5: Your phone with your wife for the weekend.

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Speaker 10: Hmm, I'm gonna need you to get to that place.

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Speaker 4: How do you get there? Explain that you break that down?

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Speaker 5: Well, you got it.

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Speaker 10: The first thing is you shouldn't have the numbers in

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Speaker 10: the phone anyway. If you married, you should have done

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Speaker 10: you should have done this before. But let's say you

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Speaker 10: don't want to be tim it anymore. That's not gonna happen.

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Speaker 10: You're gonna be tempted. You're gonna find women that are

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Speaker 10: prettier than your wife. You're gonna find women that are

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Speaker 10: built better than your wife. You're gonna find women that

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Speaker 10: are gonna do whatever you tell them to do. But

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Speaker 10: they're not gonna protect you. They're not gonna love you

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Speaker 10: in the way that your wife does. They're not gonna

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Speaker 10: care for you they're not gonna know what you need.

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Speaker 10: They're going to assume a lot of things. And basically,

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Speaker 10: what you're gonna have to do is try to teach

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Speaker 10: and train somebody to love you in the way that

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Speaker 10: somebody already does.

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Speaker 5: It's not worth it. It's not worth it. Bro.

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Speaker 10: If you loved enough to marry her and to give

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Speaker 10: her your last name in front of all those people

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Speaker 10: and God Almighty, at least you could do is keep

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Speaker 10: your phone in your life clean.

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Speaker 5: That's it.

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Speaker 10: The idea of marrying a woman is saying to the world,

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Speaker 10: I'm done, I found the one. I am complete. It

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Speaker 10: won't be perfect, but it'll be It'll be perfect for us.

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Speaker 5: That's it.

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Speaker 10: If you're not there, bro, don't get married, don't move

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Speaker 10: in like, don't even do none of that shit, because

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Speaker 10: it's already it's already toxic at that point, it's already

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Speaker 10: problematic at that point. Take some time. If you have

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Speaker 10: any women in your life, my brother, now's the time.

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Speaker 10: Get it done, get it done, get it, get erase

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Speaker 10: everything out of that you need to be done with.

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Speaker 10: And I hope your wife is watching. I hope your

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Speaker 10: wife is watching because she needs to do it too.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I was gonna say, I wonder she needs.

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Speaker 10: To do it too, because the idea is not just

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Speaker 10: leaving the phone at home. You should be in a

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Speaker 10: marriage where y'all can trade phones, right, and if somebody

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Speaker 10: calls her phone for her, you can tell them she

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Speaker 10: has your phone and vice versa.

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Speaker 5: That's the test. But you got to do your part first.

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Speaker 8: Will So what about love? Where are you with love?

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Speaker 11: Like?

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Speaker 8: What are your belief systems about love? Has it changed you?

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Speaker 8: Are you still like that?

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Speaker 2: I feel like you're a little mushie because you're talking

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Speaker 2: about your little morning calls and stuff like that.

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Speaker 8: But do you I don't know, do you have any

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Speaker 8: thoughts about it? Do you believe in it?

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Speaker 2: Do you need it still so much in your life?

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Speaker 2: Some women say like, you know, I'll be good either way.

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Speaker 2: Some are like, I need a partner.

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Speaker 8: I believe in it.

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Speaker 1: But I do understand why you got that, aren't that?

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Speaker 12: It is like.

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Speaker 1: You're like, you're like in your fifties and you're like.

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Speaker 13: And smart and dog and you're.

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Speaker 1: Pretty and you're you're sixty and you're good, Like why

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Speaker 1: don't you why don't you have a man? Why I've

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Speaker 1: never seen you with a man? And it's like now

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Speaker 1: I know why. Now I know why that would it

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Speaker 1: would drive you crazy the beginning stages, the mind game,

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Speaker 1: the checks because everybody got different checks you know what

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Speaker 1: I'm saying. Like some women be like, Okay, I need

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Speaker 1: a man to do this, I need a man to that,

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Speaker 1: I need a man to have a job, and I

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Speaker 1: need a man to be at home at a certain time,

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Speaker 1: and I need a man that calls me this amount

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Speaker 1: of time, Like everybody have different checklists, checklists, So I

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Speaker 1: really understand like that mind game, it's really a mind

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Speaker 1: game thing. That mind game is Like some women, I

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Speaker 1: can see why they were like I can't deal with

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Speaker 1: this mind game shit. I cannot deal with it. Or

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Speaker 1: some men will traumatize a woman so much that they'll

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Speaker 1: be like I just don't ever want to do it again.

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Speaker 1: And I'm fine with that. And and if if you

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Speaker 1: ever see a woman that she don't got a man,

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Speaker 1: don't ever don't be judging her, like it's like, oh,

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Speaker 1: why you don't have a man? Is it because you

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Speaker 1: can keep a man? Is it because isn't that? No,

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Speaker 1: some women just don't really want to deal with these niggas.

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Speaker 1: I don't understand she just want to protect her peace.

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Speaker 1: Like I love love, and I believe in love, and

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Speaker 1: I believe in marriage, and I believe in family, and

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Speaker 1: I believe in union. But I also do understand why

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Speaker 1: other women like it's just like I'm not doing this

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Speaker 1: shit again. I understand it. And that's why I will

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Speaker 1: not even judge them, Like, don't judge me neither, though,

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Speaker 1: but I won't judge you neither, because I really I

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Speaker 1: understand why when you want to do it, I feel

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Speaker 1: like some women just be like, you know what, I'd

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Speaker 1: rather be alone. I don't get a fuck about it.

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Speaker 1: I don't I could.

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Speaker 2: Because the knockdown for a lot of women is really hard. Yes,

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Speaker 2: when you're getting knocked down that ship, some people don't

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Speaker 2: want to get back up.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, they don't want to get back up again. And

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Speaker 1: it's like if you ever see your aunt and be like,

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Speaker 1: why my aunt don't have a nigga, or like this

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Speaker 1: my grandma, your grandmother too, Well, my grandma passed, but

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Speaker 1: I always be like, I want my grandma to have

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Speaker 1: a boyfriend. I used to do I used to brush

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Speaker 1: your hair, and I feel like, so you could have

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Speaker 1: a boyfriend. And it's like now I know, my grandma

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Speaker 1: never had a man.

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Speaker 6: Like.

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Speaker 1: They don't want to deal with that. Nobody want to

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Speaker 1: deal with that.

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Speaker 2: What will you teach your sons about that, about how

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Speaker 2: to treat a woman, or what will you teach your

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Speaker 2: sons about relationships becau it's one thing your daughter, you

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Speaker 2: tell your daughter to watch out for this, to watch out.

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Speaker 2: But raising boys different, like, what do you what will

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Speaker 2: you teach your boys about.

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Speaker 8: Being a good man in that way? Do you know

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Speaker 8: what you're having yet? By the way, you don't know?

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Speaker 11: You do?

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Speaker 9: No?

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Speaker 13: Okay, you know, I did know.

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Speaker 8: But exceaving that for another day.

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Speaker 1: Well, I don't I know the hard things that I

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Speaker 1: want to tell him that. One thing is like, let

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Speaker 1: me tell you some boy, if a bitch slightly say no,

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Speaker 1: it is no. You ain't gonna bring no problems in

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Speaker 1: my house. You're gonna bring no little bitch said, they're

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Speaker 1: no funny ship. Second, you don't own a bitch body.

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Speaker 1: So if if you get a bitch knocked up and

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Speaker 1: she said no, it's no. And it's like, don't think

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Speaker 1: that I'm gonna be helping you because I ain't. You

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Speaker 1: better get a job and you ain't bringing no you

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Speaker 1: you weren't bringing no bridge to live in my house?

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Speaker 2: What is your life or your or your what you

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Speaker 2: put in the world, Where do you hope it else

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Speaker 2: with people?

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Speaker 12: I think like.

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Speaker 8: I think I want.

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Speaker 14: My fans.

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Speaker 12: To feel like.

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Speaker 15: Then everything is doesn't have to be so streamlined and formulaic,

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Speaker 15: and that you can really do whatever you want and

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Speaker 15: you don't have to be you know, it's not up

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Speaker 15: to other people to to tell you how to express yourself.

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Speaker 12: It's up to you.

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Speaker 15: It feels kind of like cliche, but I know, like

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Speaker 15: in the past, I've made a lot of albums that

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Speaker 15: all the songs sounded so different on them. There was

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Speaker 15: really no kind of consistency whatsoever.

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Speaker 16: And I was like, oh, I don't like that.

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Speaker 15: But I was like, I like these songs individually, I

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Speaker 15: just don't feel like it's a consistent album.

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Speaker 17: I've always felt like that.

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Speaker 8: Really yeah wow.

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Speaker 15: But Scarlett started to get a little more coh said,

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Speaker 15: but not really even then, it was just like, what

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Speaker 15: the fuck is that? There's a lot of songs like

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Speaker 15: sore something they just.

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Speaker 17: Like sit out cohesive.

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Speaker 15: This was very cohesive for me, yes, in comparison, But

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Speaker 15: I think, like I mean, when it comes to music.

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Speaker 15: I hope that they take that away, that like music

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Speaker 15: is really just music. You can paint however you want

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Speaker 15: to paint, you can express however, you can design however

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Speaker 15: you want to design, and if it makes you happy,

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Speaker 15: that's kind of all that matters. And that's like literally,

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Speaker 15: that's that's the best I can and that.

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Speaker 8: But but that it does ring really true to me.

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Speaker 15: So hopefully they take that from it and also be weird,

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Speaker 15: like you're you're gonna be cringe whether you like it

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Speaker 15: or not.

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Speaker 4: Probably to someone.

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Speaker 15: The people who think that they're not cringe and that

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Speaker 15: they've got it all together, like there's a group of

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Speaker 15: people looking at them, going ew, but they probably look

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Speaker 15: back at that group of people and they're probably like.

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Speaker 12: So like it.

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Speaker 16: At the end of the day, Who cares.

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Speaker 15: It doesn't matter.

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Speaker 16: People are gonna think you're lame.

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Speaker 8: What can somebody? And that's okay.

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Speaker 4: Somebody's gonna think you're like people.

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Speaker 16: Multiple people are gonna be like, you suck and you

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Speaker 16: didn't even do anything wrong.

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Speaker 4: You can do anything. I kind of wish I could

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Speaker 4: do that more.

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Speaker 2: How does somebody lean into their weird bag, like let

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Speaker 2: your freak flag fly?

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Speaker 15: Well, it's a development. I think that not not my

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Speaker 15: weirdness isn't a development. It's something that uh well maybe

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Speaker 15: it was a development. Yeah, I think it's part of

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Speaker 15: my weirdness.

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Speaker 8: First of all, you're not weird. Yeah, well no, I'm definitely.

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Speaker 8: I'm fucking kooky.

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Speaker 15: I'm a little I'm so different, like I'm not different.

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Speaker 15: So but no, I think that like you don't have

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Speaker 15: to be weird either. You can be totally not weird.

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Speaker 15: You can just be whatever you want.

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Speaker 12: I think it's like.

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Speaker 15: Also subjective, like someone might be like, that's weird that

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Speaker 15: they're wearing head to toe Adidas, Like that doesn't like

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Speaker 15: that person's weird to me. And then the person wearing

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Speaker 15: the Adidas is looking at the person who's wearing Allo Nike,

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Speaker 15: Adidas Puma head to toe, and that person's like they're

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Speaker 15: they're like weird, They're like why would you mix all

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Speaker 15: of that? But like that's a cute outfit, and so

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Speaker 15: is that that's intentional?

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Speaker 16: So is that you know?

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Speaker 15: So it's kind of like that's just how it is.

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Speaker 15: I don't think to lean into your weirdness is to

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Speaker 15: be trusting of your surroundings or or maybe comfortable, uh

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Speaker 15: trusting of yourself.

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Speaker 8: Having fun, I would imagine.

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Speaker 18: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, so you're thinking about upgrading to the all new

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Speaker 2: iPhone seventeen Pro, designed to be the most powerful iPhone ever.

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Speaker 2: But are you also thinking about the traffic on your

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Speaker 2: way to the store or transferring all your data and

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Speaker 2: all the time that takes. Well. The good news is

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Speaker 8: Terms apply.

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Speaker 4: So you've you've been together the twenty five years something

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Speaker 4: like that.

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Speaker 8: Yep, y married seventeen years. Seventeen years. You got to

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Speaker 8: be doing something.

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Speaker 9: Right, yeah, I mean.

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Speaker 19: I believe that and a loyal husband. Yes, yes, you've

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Speaker 19: just never been no rooms about you've never heard No.

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Speaker 8: I'm not even like streets.

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Speaker 19: Yeah, I don't like to be in the streets, like

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Speaker 19: like I ain't gonna lie like it's it's crazy, Like

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Speaker 19: even some certain rappers like I hang out with. And

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Speaker 19: I do judge you if you're not loyal to your

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Speaker 19: to your cheer lady. And it's and it's not about

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Speaker 19: like me knowing her and you introducing me to her,

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Speaker 19: it's about you actually that because you're not actually cheating

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Speaker 19: on her, you're cheating on yourself.

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Speaker 9: Like you know what I'm saying.

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Speaker 8: I don't know trying to like preach to this lawyer

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Speaker 8: man like this.

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Speaker 9: I'm just saying, this is how I live.

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Speaker 19: Because if you if you can lay down and you

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Speaker 19: can disrespect a lady that you lay down with, who

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Speaker 19: fees your kids and you know what I mean, who

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Speaker 19: wakes you up in the morning, and then.

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Speaker 9: What you're gonna do this, You're gonna treat me like ship?

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Speaker 10: Yeah?

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Speaker 9: What the how the fucking I be be?

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Speaker 19: You know, you know worth something to you if the

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Speaker 19: person that's worth the closest to you you have no

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Speaker 19: respect for.

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Speaker 9: So I do judge people by that. You know what

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Speaker 9: I mean all the time is there's some people who

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Speaker 9: you know.

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Speaker 19: They work, there's good people, yeah yeah yeah, And also

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Speaker 19: you don't know.

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Speaker 2: Also you don't always know what goes on in other

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Speaker 2: people's relationships.

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Speaker 8: Sometimes she could be cheating on him.

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Speaker 2: Sometimes they could have an agreement that you don't even

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Speaker 2: know about.

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Speaker 8: I think everybody's relationship is different.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, but but you're right, it is not promoted enough

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Speaker 2: the idea of Charlomagne talked about it a lot. We

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Speaker 2: were talking about that in the last episode, I think

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Speaker 2: with Cardi, because Carty has been through a bunch of shit,

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Speaker 2: and Charlomagne was saying that once he be because he

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Speaker 2: wasn't loyal, Once he became like honest with his wife,

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Speaker 2: the blessings started like.

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Speaker 8: Coming crazy, going crazy. But you don't hear that a lot.

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Speaker 9: Yeah, I believe.

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Speaker 5: I believe that. I believe.

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Speaker 19: I just heard this one, but I believe, like it's

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Speaker 19: karma like and you do right by people and that

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Speaker 19: comes back and it's just like I've read something the

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Speaker 19: other day and it was like you could, you could.

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Speaker 19: You can buy a watch, you can buy whatever, but

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Speaker 19: you can't buy being in shape. Right, So it's the

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Speaker 19: same thing. It's like you can't buy being lawyer. Like

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Speaker 19: you know what I'm saying, you can't like a person

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Speaker 19: sees that. You know, I'm gonna wanna, I'm gonna say

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Speaker 19: I can see the world different like when I was younger,

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Speaker 19: I would see a woman and I'm like, oh, and

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Speaker 19: she's pretty and that's all I can see, right, and

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Speaker 19: you're like, oh man, she's pretty right boom.

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Speaker 9: But then when you're like, yo, I don't want that.

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Speaker 19: I don't want her, you take the power away so

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Speaker 19: much like when a woman, like a woman who's used to,

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Speaker 19: you know, manipulating her beauty, sees you and she can't

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Speaker 19: Like I find it. I find it like the most

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Speaker 19: enthusiastic thing, the most vigorating things for me to go

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Speaker 19: to a strip club and be.

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Speaker 9: Like, don't touch me, but I'm gonna pay. I'm gonna

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Speaker 9: make it rain, like like just stay right there, I'm

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Speaker 9: gonna look.

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Speaker 19: I don't want to be touched, and I don't want

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Speaker 19: no no, no lap dances, no sitting on me, nothing,

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Speaker 19: but I'm going to make it pay.

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Speaker 9: I'm going and i'm gonna look, you know what. That's it.

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Speaker 19: And I find it because it's like has nothing over me,

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Speaker 19: like you know what I'm saying, And it's not And

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Speaker 19: it's not the strippers.

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Speaker 9: It's not that.

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Speaker 19: It's just that I'm in control of my own life

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Speaker 19: and as opposed to me when I was a young boy,

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Speaker 19: I couldn't say no to nothing, you know what I'm saying, Like,

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Speaker 19: I guess you know I met my wife at the

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Speaker 19: white time because I got all that shit up out

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Speaker 19: of me.

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Speaker 9: But yeah, being a rappers hard, it's hard.

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Speaker 2: Was there a shift in your life that's something that

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00:17:22,680 --> 00:17:25,680
Speaker 2: something happened or did you decide that you wanted to

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00:17:25,720 --> 00:17:28,480
Speaker 2: be in a you wanted to have this relationship with

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Speaker 2: the relationship just happened, you know.

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Speaker 19: Me seeing this is this is a this is definitely

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Speaker 19: a mess of master. But me seeing other people in

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Speaker 19: relationship fell I was like, man, I think I can

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Speaker 19: make Let me make my shit work because I would

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Speaker 19: see how like I would see how terrible other people

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Speaker 19: relationship and this is my my girlfriends too, like my

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00:17:46,640 --> 00:17:49,200
Speaker 19: blatonic girlfriends as well. Like you know, I would see

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00:17:49,200 --> 00:17:52,399
Speaker 19: them wanting one hundred percent out of there, man, and

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Speaker 19: then they're they're going out and doing crazy shit and

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Speaker 19: then come home and be like arguing, and I'm just like,

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Speaker 19: if you're not giving them one hundred percent, and he's like,

390
00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:01,760
Speaker 19: give the one hundred percent, none of this will work.

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Speaker 19: And I just realized I had somebody that was giving

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Speaker 19: me one hundred percent. Like you know, my wife was

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Speaker 19: was helping me raise my kids, and I was just like,

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00:18:10,080 --> 00:18:13,200
Speaker 19: this is something I did and I made a partner,

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Speaker 19: Like you know, we went through COVID and we couldn't

396
00:18:17,200 --> 00:18:20,919
Speaker 19: order nothing, like we wanted to be healthy, and she

397
00:18:21,160 --> 00:18:23,960
Speaker 19: was like, yo, man, let's open up a juice baar

398
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Speaker 19: like cause we had to go all the way two

399
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Speaker 19: towns over to get a juice to get a set

400
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Speaker 19: of because.

401
00:18:28,640 --> 00:18:29,960
Speaker 9: You know, that's what they was telling you to do.

402
00:18:30,040 --> 00:18:32,199
Speaker 19: So my wife invested in that and now we have

403
00:18:32,240 --> 00:18:35,960
Speaker 19: two juice bars. We love that the original juice ball. Yeah,

404
00:18:36,320 --> 00:18:37,840
Speaker 19: and now we have one on the beach.

405
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Speaker 2: So you got love, right, What is the what is

406
00:18:42,480 --> 00:18:45,080
Speaker 2: the best part of that? What is the like, what

407
00:18:45,160 --> 00:18:47,560
Speaker 2: have you learned about yourself or what is something that

408
00:18:48,040 --> 00:18:52,160
Speaker 2: you just really appreciate about having a long term marriage.

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Speaker 19: It just happened somebody that got your back, you know

410
00:18:53,880 --> 00:18:58,040
Speaker 19: what I'm saying. Like, the one thing I wasn't doing

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Speaker 19: this year was saying no right. Every year I said,

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00:19:01,320 --> 00:19:02,719
Speaker 19: you know, next year, I'm gonna do this. Next year,

413
00:19:02,720 --> 00:19:04,399
Speaker 19: I'm gonna go to Portugual. Next year, I'm gonna go

414
00:19:04,480 --> 00:19:07,160
Speaker 19: to Spain. Next year, I'm going to meeking those and

415
00:19:07,200 --> 00:19:09,520
Speaker 19: then I swear to God, it was just like, whoever

416
00:19:09,880 --> 00:19:11,240
Speaker 19: invited me anywhere this year?

417
00:19:11,800 --> 00:19:15,200
Speaker 9: I was just like, yeah, so and so that's.

418
00:19:15,119 --> 00:19:17,879
Speaker 19: That's probably the best part is because you know our

419
00:19:17,920 --> 00:19:20,520
Speaker 19: kids have grown now. You know, they got girlfriends, and

420
00:19:20,520 --> 00:19:22,800
Speaker 19: they got beards, and they got their own barbers, you

421
00:19:22,840 --> 00:19:24,280
Speaker 19: know what I'm saying. So it's like, you know what,

422
00:19:24,359 --> 00:19:25,280
Speaker 19: we did a good job.

423
00:19:25,320 --> 00:19:26,600
Speaker 9: They all in school.

424
00:19:26,920 --> 00:19:29,479
Speaker 19: So now you're enjoying, yes, and now we're enjoying it.

425
00:19:29,480 --> 00:19:33,560
Speaker 19: And the one thing about her, I tell you this

426
00:19:33,560 --> 00:19:34,960
Speaker 19: is the best part. You asked me the best part.

427
00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:41,320
Speaker 19: The best part was I met her. I was miserable

428
00:19:41,359 --> 00:19:45,960
Speaker 19: winning sound was horrible, right, I was winning, But I

429
00:19:46,040 --> 00:19:55,760
Speaker 19: was miserable because I was used to traveling around the

430
00:19:55,800 --> 00:19:59,080
Speaker 19: world and I got I got like, I got like,

431
00:19:59,160 --> 00:20:01,280
Speaker 19: oh whatever, going back to Paris.

432
00:20:01,359 --> 00:20:03,520
Speaker 9: Who cares like going to Dubai.

433
00:20:03,640 --> 00:20:06,280
Speaker 19: And when I got with her, she was like, who

434
00:20:06,440 --> 00:20:10,720
Speaker 19: the fuck complains about going to Paris?

435
00:20:11,119 --> 00:20:11,880
Speaker 9: And I was like, I.

436
00:20:11,800 --> 00:20:14,320
Speaker 19: Didn't realize how I sound like because I've been there

437
00:20:14,440 --> 00:20:17,400
Speaker 19: like seventeen times prior to that. And then we're going

438
00:20:17,440 --> 00:20:20,080
Speaker 19: to London, We're going to Germany, and I'm traveling all

439
00:20:20,119 --> 00:20:20,639
Speaker 19: over world.

440
00:20:20,840 --> 00:20:22,600
Speaker 9: But she doesn't realize.

441
00:20:22,240 --> 00:20:24,600
Speaker 19: I have to be here, so I have to be

442
00:20:24,640 --> 00:20:27,280
Speaker 19: haf to pay them with if I don't take these tours.

443
00:20:27,359 --> 00:20:31,120
Speaker 19: They come a time in every artist's life where America

444
00:20:31,200 --> 00:20:32,800
Speaker 19: is just not messing with you. But if you go

445
00:20:32,840 --> 00:20:34,679
Speaker 19: to Europe you can still live like a king. So

446
00:20:34,720 --> 00:20:38,040
Speaker 19: I figured that out. And what I was doing, Andrews,

447
00:20:38,080 --> 00:20:40,639
Speaker 19: I was miserable. I was checking to the hotel. I

448
00:20:40,640 --> 00:20:45,160
Speaker 19: would watch Jerry Springer or Maury Povie or something like that,

449
00:20:45,440 --> 00:20:47,600
Speaker 19: and they'll be in their language, and I just figure

450
00:20:47,600 --> 00:20:50,080
Speaker 19: it out because I saw every episode anyway. And then

451
00:20:50,119 --> 00:20:52,919
Speaker 19: I'll sit there and then and she would be like

452
00:20:53,160 --> 00:20:55,520
Speaker 19: when I finally, like, you know, we got together.

453
00:20:55,720 --> 00:20:56,920
Speaker 9: She came to me to Paris.

454
00:20:57,359 --> 00:20:58,960
Speaker 19: She woke me up and was like, we're going to

455
00:20:59,000 --> 00:21:01,639
Speaker 19: the Eiffel Tower, all the shit that you think. You

456
00:21:01,640 --> 00:21:03,760
Speaker 19: think it's corny, like, you know, we don't go to

457
00:21:03,800 --> 00:21:05,800
Speaker 19: the fucking Statue of Liberty. I've never been to the

458
00:21:05,800 --> 00:21:06,920
Speaker 19: Statue of Liberty.

459
00:21:06,680 --> 00:21:08,600
Speaker 4: I know.

460
00:21:09,960 --> 00:21:10,120
Speaker 18: Yeah.

461
00:21:10,160 --> 00:21:10,360
Speaker 2: Yeah.

462
00:21:11,200 --> 00:21:12,000
Speaker 9: She made me do all that.

463
00:21:12,080 --> 00:21:14,120
Speaker 19: She made me go to the restaurant, she made me try,

464
00:21:14,760 --> 00:21:18,439
Speaker 19: she made me try duck, and then I just started

465
00:21:18,480 --> 00:21:20,440
Speaker 19: and then I started to love this shit.

466
00:21:20,680 --> 00:21:22,680
Speaker 2: We had never but I just wanted to give you

467
00:21:22,720 --> 00:21:23,480
Speaker 2: a big hug.

468
00:21:23,640 --> 00:21:24,560
Speaker 4: We all have.

469
00:21:24,640 --> 00:21:27,840
Speaker 18: The ability to shift the atmosphere in the whatever space

470
00:21:27,880 --> 00:21:30,000
Speaker 18: we occupy. Because I could have came in and been like, hey,

471
00:21:30,040 --> 00:21:31,520
Speaker 18: how y'all doing? Oh my God, and it would have

472
00:21:31,560 --> 00:21:33,479
Speaker 18: changed the whole atmosphere for sure. But I come in

473
00:21:33,520 --> 00:21:35,120
Speaker 18: with joy and love and I'm excited.

474
00:21:35,880 --> 00:21:38,880
Speaker 8: Where does that come from, Tabitha? Where is you know what?

475
00:21:39,080 --> 00:21:40,160
Speaker 8: I know where it comes from?

476
00:21:40,320 --> 00:21:40,520
Speaker 20: Right?

477
00:21:40,600 --> 00:21:42,159
Speaker 4: But I mean when did you learn that?

478
00:21:42,200 --> 00:21:43,200
Speaker 8: When did it hit you?

479
00:21:43,760 --> 00:21:46,480
Speaker 18: I think it's really been my whole life. Like my

480
00:21:46,520 --> 00:21:48,480
Speaker 18: family would tell you. My husband always like my wife

481
00:21:48,560 --> 00:21:52,080
Speaker 18: is just a joyful spirit, and I'd be happy.

482
00:21:52,560 --> 00:21:53,840
Speaker 8: That's real it is.

483
00:21:54,080 --> 00:21:56,960
Speaker 18: I've also been in very dark places and it's no fun, no,

484
00:21:57,119 --> 00:21:58,560
Speaker 18: And so I remember the last time I was in

485
00:21:58,560 --> 00:22:00,280
Speaker 18: a dark place, my prayer was, God, if you get

486
00:22:00,280 --> 00:22:02,000
Speaker 18: me out of this, I will always choose light.

487
00:22:02,440 --> 00:22:04,560
Speaker 16: And so that's what I do every day, is light.

488
00:22:05,119 --> 00:22:05,760
Speaker 8: So you choose.

489
00:22:05,800 --> 00:22:08,399
Speaker 2: It's choic it's a choice, absolutely, because I think probably

490
00:22:08,480 --> 00:22:11,560
Speaker 2: some people, I think obviously that's why people.

491
00:22:11,320 --> 00:22:13,520
Speaker 8: Resonate to you. You bring this joy, this light. It's

492
00:22:13,560 --> 00:22:15,639
Speaker 8: the light, right, It's like the light. People want to

493
00:22:15,640 --> 00:22:16,800
Speaker 8: feel it. People want to feel that.

494
00:22:16,880 --> 00:22:17,960
Speaker 16: Nobody likes it dark.

495
00:22:18,160 --> 00:22:20,320
Speaker 8: No, but I think sometimes people don't know how to

496
00:22:20,320 --> 00:22:20,920
Speaker 8: get out of it.

497
00:22:21,160 --> 00:22:22,600
Speaker 16: Yeah, sometimes we can get stuck.

498
00:22:22,960 --> 00:22:26,439
Speaker 18: But also sometimes the dark cast purpose, right, you have

499
00:22:26,480 --> 00:22:27,760
Speaker 18: to be there for a while so you know that

500
00:22:27,800 --> 00:22:28,520
Speaker 18: you don't like it.

501
00:22:29,520 --> 00:22:32,600
Speaker 8: Oh that's really why are you giving me a word?

502
00:22:32,640 --> 00:22:34,240
Speaker 8: And you just got here of thing.

503
00:22:34,320 --> 00:22:35,760
Speaker 4: You just sat in my chair.

504
00:22:35,960 --> 00:22:40,920
Speaker 8: That's the truth, bru in the chair. Yeah, you gotta.

505
00:22:41,000 --> 00:22:42,800
Speaker 18: Sometimes you got to go through it so you realize,

506
00:22:42,840 --> 00:22:44,040
Speaker 18: you know what, I don't want to go back there.

507
00:22:44,080 --> 00:22:48,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, because if you go through it too fast, Yeah,

508
00:22:48,160 --> 00:22:48,840
Speaker 2: you don't catch it.

509
00:22:48,840 --> 00:22:50,960
Speaker 16: That's why that's stuckness. Sometimes take a while.

510
00:22:51,200 --> 00:22:54,280
Speaker 8: Oh that is a good one for today.

511
00:22:56,320 --> 00:23:01,639
Speaker 18: I think, don't I think? For me, I'm in a

512
00:23:01,840 --> 00:23:07,440
Speaker 18: very interesting season of my life. Cayenne has officially left

513
00:23:07,480 --> 00:23:12,359
Speaker 18: for college, and I keep telling people that it's just

514
00:23:12,560 --> 00:23:17,160
Speaker 18: something that I don't think I heard enough people talk about,

515
00:23:17,400 --> 00:23:19,680
Speaker 18: or like maybe I just wasn't prepared for it.

516
00:23:19,760 --> 00:23:22,479
Speaker 14: Like you hear conversations about everything that people go through

517
00:23:22,520 --> 00:23:22,840
Speaker 14: in life.

518
00:23:22,840 --> 00:23:25,840
Speaker 18: For some reason, I wasn't privatey the conversations about when

519
00:23:25,880 --> 00:23:28,879
Speaker 18: your kid leaves for college. When your only child leaves

520
00:23:28,880 --> 00:23:35,159
Speaker 18: for college and like that void and you know, sorry,

521
00:23:35,320 --> 00:23:36,480
Speaker 18: but like the.

522
00:23:36,480 --> 00:23:38,520
Speaker 8: Void and the emptiness and just.

523
00:23:38,520 --> 00:23:41,639
Speaker 14: Like literally one day he's there and then one.

524
00:23:41,560 --> 00:23:46,040
Speaker 8: Day he's just not. And when he left also like

525
00:23:46,119 --> 00:23:47,040
Speaker 8: how long has he been gone?

526
00:23:47,200 --> 00:23:49,960
Speaker 18: So he's been gone now for about I would say,

527
00:23:50,000 --> 00:23:54,199
Speaker 18: like a month, and you know when he left is

528
00:23:54,240 --> 00:23:57,840
Speaker 18: like I just feel like the energy and the house

529
00:23:57,920 --> 00:24:00,439
Speaker 18: kind of just left, because my house has always been

530
00:24:00,480 --> 00:24:03,760
Speaker 18: the fun house, all his friends and music and just

531
00:24:04,000 --> 00:24:06,239
Speaker 18: fun all the time, and then he just left and

532
00:24:06,280 --> 00:24:08,320
Speaker 18: it just got quiet.

533
00:24:08,560 --> 00:24:10,399
Speaker 14: And that's been really really hard for me.

534
00:24:10,520 --> 00:24:13,880
Speaker 18: And I'm not like embarrassed to say it, or like

535
00:24:14,720 --> 00:24:17,400
Speaker 18: I'm leaning into it so I can understand what that

536
00:24:17,520 --> 00:24:19,959
Speaker 18: feeling is and try to like move past it and

537
00:24:20,000 --> 00:24:22,600
Speaker 18: get to whatever the other side is. But right now

538
00:24:22,640 --> 00:24:25,720
Speaker 18: I'm so deep in that feeling and it's been hard.

539
00:24:25,920 --> 00:24:28,440
Speaker 8: Yeah, did you not expect it? I don't. I don't

540
00:24:28,440 --> 00:24:29,400
Speaker 8: know what I expected.

541
00:24:29,480 --> 00:24:31,320
Speaker 18: Like I think that obviously, I always know he was

542
00:24:31,320 --> 00:24:33,359
Speaker 18: going to go to college, but it always seemed so

543
00:24:33,520 --> 00:24:36,120
Speaker 18: far away, and then as it even got closer, I'm like, well,

544
00:24:36,480 --> 00:24:39,000
Speaker 18: still another month. Still, Like I was just savoring all

545
00:24:39,040 --> 00:24:43,320
Speaker 18: that time and I guess I didn't just realize just

546
00:24:43,560 --> 00:24:46,480
Speaker 18: what avoided was an impact, like it was gonna happen.

547
00:24:46,520 --> 00:24:48,639
Speaker 18: Like I said, it's not something like I'm never in

548
00:24:48,680 --> 00:24:51,200
Speaker 18: conversations with people and that's what people are talking about.

549
00:24:51,240 --> 00:24:53,040
Speaker 8: I don't know if I'm not running with a.

550
00:24:53,000 --> 00:24:55,439
Speaker 18: Different crowd, but I don't talk to people that are like,

551
00:24:55,920 --> 00:24:58,600
Speaker 18: prepare yourself, this is how it is, or this is happening.

552
00:24:58,640 --> 00:25:01,280
Speaker 2: We should have talked more, Shou. I should have for

553
00:25:01,359 --> 00:25:04,840
Speaker 2: sure talked more, because I definitely had. I think before

554
00:25:04,920 --> 00:25:08,640
Speaker 2: Nico left, I had maybe like I was six months

555
00:25:08,640 --> 00:25:12,359
Speaker 2: in preparation for him leaving. I was like sad and

556
00:25:12,440 --> 00:25:15,160
Speaker 2: almost it was weird because it was almost like things.

557
00:25:15,440 --> 00:25:17,080
Speaker 8: I was just like irritable and said, like.

558
00:25:17,080 --> 00:25:19,840
Speaker 2: I had built up so much before he left, right

559
00:25:19,880 --> 00:25:22,119
Speaker 2: because I was anticipating it, which I think maybe you

560
00:25:22,160 --> 00:25:24,280
Speaker 2: weren't even I was eating right, So I had been

561
00:25:24,320 --> 00:25:27,879
Speaker 2: anticipating it, and then when he left, I was I

562
00:25:27,920 --> 00:25:30,840
Speaker 2: remember telling, you know, on my friends Shaka not Zulu,

563
00:25:30,920 --> 00:25:34,399
Speaker 2: Chaka Pilgrim, I was telling Chaca Pilgrim, I said, Nico's

564
00:25:34,400 --> 00:25:36,399
Speaker 2: I gotta take him school. I'm gonna I'm gonna lose it.

565
00:25:36,440 --> 00:25:38,280
Speaker 2: I'm gonna be a mess. And she was like, no,

566
00:25:38,320 --> 00:25:40,199
Speaker 2: you're not. And I was like, no, I am. She

567
00:25:40,280 --> 00:25:41,920
Speaker 2: was like, no, you're not. I was like, what do

568
00:25:42,000 --> 00:25:44,720
Speaker 2: you mean. She was like, imagine for him, this is

569
00:25:44,720 --> 00:25:47,040
Speaker 2: the first time he's not he's leaving home. He's not

570
00:25:47,080 --> 00:25:49,400
Speaker 2: going to be living in the house. He's walking into

571
00:25:49,440 --> 00:25:52,480
Speaker 2: a new place. And you don't want to add to that.

572
00:25:53,080 --> 00:25:54,560
Speaker 2: And it had that had an't even I was so

573
00:25:54,760 --> 00:25:56,800
Speaker 2: I was so inviral how I was feeling about it.

574
00:25:56,840 --> 00:25:58,960
Speaker 2: I was like, oh shit, okay, you're right. I don't

575
00:25:58,960 --> 00:26:00,119
Speaker 2: want to do that to him. So I and I

576
00:26:00,200 --> 00:26:01,760
Speaker 2: dropped him off. I was fine. Of course I was

577
00:26:02,280 --> 00:26:06,720
Speaker 2: a little emo on the way home. But then I realized, like,

578
00:26:07,560 --> 00:26:10,800
Speaker 2: they don't go anywhere, you know what I'm saying, Like, okay,

579
00:26:11,160 --> 00:26:15,640
Speaker 2: like me that so I don't you know, we facetimed

580
00:26:15,640 --> 00:26:19,320
Speaker 2: a lot. We I felt like the conversations were more

581
00:26:19,359 --> 00:26:21,480
Speaker 2: meaningful on the phone and longer before it would be

582
00:26:21,520 --> 00:26:24,199
Speaker 2: like if he called me because he needed so hey Mom,

583
00:26:24,200 --> 00:26:26,680
Speaker 2: I'm trying out here. But now because he's away, when

584
00:26:26,680 --> 00:26:29,560
Speaker 2: we would be on the phone, the conversations just a

585
00:26:29,640 --> 00:26:32,800
Speaker 2: little stronger and more meaningful because and then they come

586
00:26:32,840 --> 00:26:35,560
Speaker 2: home for the holidays and you still miss them, but

587
00:26:35,600 --> 00:26:38,159
Speaker 2: they still come home and you're still their mother, and

588
00:26:38,160 --> 00:26:43,159
Speaker 2: you guys are so close. It's just it's just an adjustment.

589
00:26:43,359 --> 00:26:46,600
Speaker 2: There's no easy answer, but it is you you are okay,

590
00:26:46,600 --> 00:26:47,560
Speaker 2: and you realize like.

591
00:26:48,080 --> 00:26:50,520
Speaker 8: Your bond is not going in where. I don't know

592
00:26:50,520 --> 00:26:51,159
Speaker 8: if that helps that.

593
00:26:51,600 --> 00:26:54,239
Speaker 18: It's because I'm talking to somebody who's been through it,

594
00:26:54,280 --> 00:26:56,320
Speaker 18: So it's like I'm really listening to your words because

595
00:26:56,320 --> 00:26:56,919
Speaker 18: you've been through it.

596
00:26:57,000 --> 00:26:59,720
Speaker 2: Yeah, and then it started to just become more comfortable

597
00:27:00,040 --> 00:27:01,760
Speaker 2: and express like this the new norm.

598
00:27:01,840 --> 00:27:02,840
Speaker 4: It's like the new norm.

599
00:27:02,920 --> 00:27:05,160
Speaker 8: Yeah, in a weird way. I'm just praying that.

600
00:27:05,200 --> 00:27:07,280
Speaker 2: So you're like, I get there. You're like in the

601
00:27:07,320 --> 00:27:08,600
Speaker 2: early stages of it.

602
00:27:09,000 --> 00:27:10,480
Speaker 18: And like you said, I don't want to put that

603
00:27:10,560 --> 00:27:13,960
Speaker 18: pressure on him because it's not his responsibility to take

604
00:27:14,000 --> 00:27:15,560
Speaker 18: care of me or make sure I'm good.

605
00:27:15,600 --> 00:27:18,159
Speaker 14: So like I always try to like I'm okay.

606
00:27:18,400 --> 00:27:20,600
Speaker 18: I think one time it was one night, it was

607
00:27:20,640 --> 00:27:22,600
Speaker 18: like two o'clock in the morning, I couldn't sleep, and

608
00:27:22,760 --> 00:27:26,720
Speaker 18: I called him and I just started crying.

609
00:27:28,160 --> 00:27:30,480
Speaker 8: But he's like, Mom, are you okaying?

610
00:27:30,600 --> 00:27:34,680
Speaker 18: Like I He's like, I can't come home right now.

611
00:27:34,680 --> 00:27:36,119
Speaker 4: I have like basketball breaks.

612
00:27:36,160 --> 00:27:39,280
Speaker 18: I was like, but that it only happened once, so

613
00:27:39,480 --> 00:27:41,439
Speaker 18: then I like pulled it together.

614
00:27:42,440 --> 00:27:43,320
Speaker 8: But see I get sad.

615
00:27:43,440 --> 00:27:46,760
Speaker 2: Just oh but how great is that that you have

616
00:27:46,840 --> 00:27:49,280
Speaker 2: a love that strong that he knows that you love

617
00:27:49,320 --> 00:27:50,040
Speaker 2: him that bad?

618
00:27:50,359 --> 00:27:53,360
Speaker 8: You know what I'm saying, Like that you unraveled that way?

619
00:27:53,440 --> 00:27:56,920
Speaker 18: Yeah, tell you I'm not an emotional person's that's right,

620
00:27:57,520 --> 00:28:00,520
Speaker 18: you're not even more like lately than I ever seen

621
00:28:00,560 --> 00:28:00,920
Speaker 18: you cry.

622
00:28:01,040 --> 00:28:04,280
Speaker 14: Ever, Yeah, it'd be the kid that doesn't be a kid.

623
00:28:04,400 --> 00:28:07,760
Speaker 14: This has just been so so hard, But I know

624
00:28:07,880 --> 00:28:10,040
Speaker 14: that I'll get through it.

625
00:28:10,160 --> 00:28:10,880
Speaker 4: Of course you will.

626
00:28:11,160 --> 00:28:12,680
Speaker 8: Yeah, it's just of course you will.

627
00:28:12,680 --> 00:28:14,960
Speaker 2: And you're gonna be surprised too, because usually after that

628
00:28:14,960 --> 00:28:16,560
Speaker 2: first year, and I heard this from a lot of moms,

629
00:28:16,800 --> 00:28:20,440
Speaker 2: they come home and they're like a little different because

630
00:28:20,440 --> 00:28:23,320
Speaker 2: now they've had this like I don't know, independence, and

631
00:28:23,359 --> 00:28:27,679
Speaker 2: it's like fun to like see that evolution for them, right,

632
00:28:27,760 --> 00:28:30,720
Speaker 2: and you'll enjoy that process, but man, it is it

633
00:28:30,880 --> 00:28:35,360
Speaker 2: be your kid.

634
00:28:36,200 --> 00:28:39,480
Speaker 18: Just figure it out, like you know what this next

635
00:28:39,560 --> 00:28:42,480
Speaker 18: chapter looks like for them too? You know that part

636
00:28:42,680 --> 00:28:45,200
Speaker 18: that part had you thought about that before? Or no,

637
00:28:45,760 --> 00:28:48,000
Speaker 18: I feel like I mean I always think about like work,

638
00:28:48,040 --> 00:28:50,240
Speaker 18: and what I have coming up, but not in this

639
00:28:50,320 --> 00:28:53,479
Speaker 18: way to where like I come home and he's like

640
00:28:53,760 --> 00:28:54,280
Speaker 18: not there.

641
00:28:54,360 --> 00:28:56,160
Speaker 8: Like I would work and know that when I got home,

642
00:28:56,200 --> 00:28:56,600
Speaker 8: he's there.

643
00:28:56,800 --> 00:28:57,000
Speaker 21: You know.

644
00:28:57,080 --> 00:28:59,800
Speaker 14: We would plan our evenings or whatever we're.

645
00:28:59,720 --> 00:28:59,960
Speaker 8: Going to do.

646
00:29:00,200 --> 00:29:02,360
Speaker 18: And now it's like I could come off of you know,

647
00:29:02,440 --> 00:29:04,680
Speaker 18: a trip or doing some work somewhere and get off

648
00:29:04,680 --> 00:29:06,040
Speaker 18: the plane and come home and it's.

649
00:29:05,960 --> 00:29:07,360
Speaker 4: Just like quiet.

650
00:29:08,000 --> 00:29:11,680
Speaker 18: So it's just adjusting to that, but also finding things

651
00:29:11,680 --> 00:29:14,320
Speaker 18: that I enjoy doing or that I want to do

652
00:29:14,520 --> 00:29:16,840
Speaker 18: in my spare time because my life has always just

653
00:29:16,880 --> 00:29:19,640
Speaker 18: been working. Cayenne Yea, I never had like I never

654
00:29:19,720 --> 00:29:21,320
Speaker 18: made a life for myself in between that.

655
00:29:21,520 --> 00:29:24,920
Speaker 8: It was always work. And Kyanne, really that's so interesting

656
00:29:24,960 --> 00:29:28,280
Speaker 8: because you are known right as different.

657
00:29:28,040 --> 00:29:30,680
Speaker 2: Like, yeah, you have so many your so many friends,

658
00:29:31,360 --> 00:29:35,000
Speaker 2: you have like just a full life you would seen.

659
00:29:35,160 --> 00:29:38,960
Speaker 18: But life was always has always been about work, and

660
00:29:39,080 --> 00:29:41,959
Speaker 18: I'm able to be a great friend of people. It

661
00:29:41,960 --> 00:29:43,800
Speaker 18: doesn't change because I'm working all the time. But I've

662
00:29:43,840 --> 00:29:47,239
Speaker 18: never been a person taking trips all the time on

663
00:29:47,360 --> 00:29:50,080
Speaker 18: vacations or like like that person. I used to always

664
00:29:50,080 --> 00:29:51,560
Speaker 18: feel guilty about that, Like I used to be like

665
00:29:51,560 --> 00:29:53,120
Speaker 18: I gotta work like I don't have time to be

666
00:29:53,520 --> 00:29:55,440
Speaker 18: sitting on a beach somewhere. I'll be on Instagram like

667
00:29:55,760 --> 00:29:58,120
Speaker 18: how is everybody always on a fucking vacation?

668
00:29:58,400 --> 00:29:59,200
Speaker 4: Like this is crazy?

669
00:29:59,240 --> 00:30:01,920
Speaker 18: I'm always set more like everybody's just But I just

670
00:30:02,000 --> 00:30:05,360
Speaker 18: never did that and never allow myself time to really

671
00:30:06,280 --> 00:30:08,440
Speaker 18: find things that I really enjoy. You know how people

672
00:30:08,440 --> 00:30:10,640
Speaker 18: are like, well, what are you doing your free time

673
00:30:10,720 --> 00:30:12,480
Speaker 18: or what do you do to unwind? Like yeah, I

674
00:30:12,560 --> 00:30:14,920
Speaker 18: never really had the answer to that because it was

675
00:30:14,960 --> 00:30:16,640
Speaker 18: always like I mean with.

676
00:30:16,600 --> 00:30:19,160
Speaker 8: Cayenne or you know, like I'm working or I'm working.

677
00:30:19,240 --> 00:30:22,080
Speaker 18: So now it's like finding those things and I am

678
00:30:22,120 --> 00:30:24,800
Speaker 18: excited to find that because I do need to find

679
00:30:25,640 --> 00:30:28,920
Speaker 18: stuff to fill that time to avoid when I'm not working.

680
00:30:28,960 --> 00:30:32,040
Speaker 18: And also I've been working for so long.

681
00:30:32,520 --> 00:30:35,160
Speaker 2: Do you feel like you've neglected yourself in a way.

682
00:30:35,360 --> 00:30:37,800
Speaker 2: I definitely feel like I've neglected myself.

683
00:30:37,840 --> 00:30:42,400
Speaker 18: I feel like I've worked so hard to probably in

684
00:30:42,480 --> 00:30:45,479
Speaker 18: some ways avoid like dealing with life stuff like if

685
00:30:45,480 --> 00:30:47,920
Speaker 18: I'm always working, then I don't have to pay attention

686
00:30:48,040 --> 00:30:49,800
Speaker 18: to feel in this way or different things that I

687
00:30:49,880 --> 00:30:53,080
Speaker 18: went through, whether it was publicly or privately, or what happened,

688
00:30:53,120 --> 00:30:55,240
Speaker 18: you know, in my relationship or whatever. It's like, just

689
00:30:55,320 --> 00:30:57,760
Speaker 18: keep working, Just keep working. Then you could be distracted.

690
00:30:57,840 --> 00:31:00,080
Speaker 18: You can not have to deal with that. But at

691
00:31:00,080 --> 00:31:03,040
Speaker 18: some point it all comes back around and you have

692
00:31:03,160 --> 00:31:05,320
Speaker 18: to face it and deal with it. There's only so

693
00:31:05,440 --> 00:31:08,120
Speaker 18: many shows I could be on. Everybody's like, oh, we

694
00:31:08,240 --> 00:31:10,200
Speaker 18: think about a lot of lives. You gonna find a job,

695
00:31:10,320 --> 00:31:12,320
Speaker 18: you gonna find a check, you're gonna find this. There's

696
00:31:12,360 --> 00:31:15,120
Speaker 18: only so much of that before it's like, no, you

697
00:31:15,160 --> 00:31:16,840
Speaker 18: gotta deal with some of this stuff, and you gotta

698
00:31:16,880 --> 00:31:19,400
Speaker 18: be okay with being with yourself.

699
00:31:19,720 --> 00:31:21,400
Speaker 2: But what do you do when it's quiet? Like how

700
00:31:21,440 --> 00:31:24,000
Speaker 2: do you have a quiet thing that you do? Like

701
00:31:24,440 --> 00:31:26,720
Speaker 2: comfortable quiet, like if somebody just flopped you on a

702
00:31:26,760 --> 00:31:27,600
Speaker 2: beach by yourself.

703
00:31:27,640 --> 00:31:31,040
Speaker 14: I'm not comfortable quiet, really, and I'm not comfortable alone.

704
00:31:31,120 --> 00:31:34,600
Speaker 18: I always have been the person that's around so many people,

705
00:31:34,680 --> 00:31:37,680
Speaker 18: So I created that environment in my house to be

706
00:31:37,840 --> 00:31:40,720
Speaker 18: like that, which is why it's Kyne's friends.

707
00:31:40,760 --> 00:31:43,160
Speaker 8: You know, they open in the fridge cooking with it.

708
00:31:43,320 --> 00:31:44,560
Speaker 8: Like that's always been.

709
00:31:44,400 --> 00:31:47,479
Speaker 18: The environment at the house because I always just function

710
00:31:47,600 --> 00:31:50,080
Speaker 18: better when there's a lot of things happen in around me.

711
00:31:50,200 --> 00:31:53,040
Speaker 18: I could still be super focused, Like I'm focused even

712
00:31:53,160 --> 00:31:55,520
Speaker 18: in all this stuff happening around me, but when it's

713
00:31:55,600 --> 00:31:57,800
Speaker 18: just me, I'm not good at that. And I know

714
00:31:57,920 --> 00:32:00,200
Speaker 18: that that's the thing that I have to work on,

715
00:32:00,320 --> 00:32:02,880
Speaker 18: Like you have to be okay with being alone and

716
00:32:02,920 --> 00:32:04,560
Speaker 18: being by yourself and having those.

717
00:32:04,400 --> 00:32:06,960
Speaker 8: Alone moments, and I just haven't mastered that.

718
00:32:07,120 --> 00:32:10,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think it's amazing and super brave that because

719
00:32:10,120 --> 00:32:12,760
Speaker 2: we always share our story afterward at the victory passed

720
00:32:12,760 --> 00:32:14,320
Speaker 2: the victory of it, you know, we're like, yeah, I

721
00:32:14,360 --> 00:32:15,960
Speaker 2: went through that and I came out on the other side,

722
00:32:15,960 --> 00:32:17,920
Speaker 2: and this is how I did it right, and it's

723
00:32:18,200 --> 00:32:20,880
Speaker 2: you know, but it's another thing to talk about.

724
00:32:21,320 --> 00:32:23,080
Speaker 4: Man, I'm so sad right now.

725
00:32:23,120 --> 00:32:26,040
Speaker 14: But it's like I can only be honest with where

726
00:32:26,040 --> 00:32:26,760
Speaker 14: I'm at right now.

727
00:32:26,760 --> 00:32:27,320
Speaker 8: It's going on.

728
00:32:27,400 --> 00:32:30,480
Speaker 18: Of course, I still have my incredibly happy moments and

729
00:32:30,600 --> 00:32:33,920
Speaker 18: laugh and have fun and like success has been great

730
00:32:33,960 --> 00:32:35,880
Speaker 18: and life has been great, but this is just like

731
00:32:36,080 --> 00:32:40,120
Speaker 18: a moment of adjustment and like reframing things and that's

732
00:32:40,240 --> 00:32:41,800
Speaker 18: kind of like where I'm at.

733
00:32:42,040 --> 00:32:42,240
Speaker 22: Yeah.

734
00:32:42,320 --> 00:32:44,000
Speaker 4: No, I'm sure there's a lot of women that can

735
00:32:44,040 --> 00:32:45,480
Speaker 4: relate to this, to this moment.

736
00:32:45,520 --> 00:32:47,520
Speaker 18: Yeah, And I want to be the person I want

737
00:32:47,560 --> 00:32:49,560
Speaker 18: to use a platform like this to talk about it, because,

738
00:32:49,560 --> 00:32:51,560
Speaker 18: like I said, I never heard people talking about it.

739
00:32:51,960 --> 00:32:54,080
Speaker 18: I would hear every other issue, but I would never

740
00:32:54,120 --> 00:32:55,400
Speaker 18: hear about when your kids lead.

741
00:32:56,360 --> 00:32:57,120
Speaker 4: Don't you hate that?

742
00:32:57,360 --> 00:32:59,800
Speaker 16: Like it's the fucking podcast talking about.

743
00:32:59,520 --> 00:33:02,680
Speaker 8: When you're for college? So I couldn't listen to that.

744
00:33:03,000 --> 00:33:04,800
Speaker 2: I feel like I've talked about it a couple of times.

745
00:33:04,840 --> 00:33:07,240
Speaker 2: I was just sending you some clinic, but it wasn't.

746
00:33:07,400 --> 00:33:11,560
Speaker 2: But it's not because it's a very specific situation. I mean,

747
00:33:11,560 --> 00:33:14,000
Speaker 2: there's shit that we never what about parenting. I always

748
00:33:14,040 --> 00:33:16,440
Speaker 2: say there's things that nobody ever told me about parenting

749
00:33:16,560 --> 00:33:19,080
Speaker 2: that you don't find out too. We see people talking

750
00:33:19,120 --> 00:33:21,360
Speaker 2: about parenting, but there's things that you just don't know

751
00:33:21,440 --> 00:33:23,520
Speaker 2: until you're in it. It's funny because you have you have,

752
00:33:23,760 --> 00:33:27,360
Speaker 2: I was your sign right twenty two. But as a parent,

753
00:33:27,480 --> 00:33:30,640
Speaker 2: you think of a seventeen year old kid in the

754
00:33:30,720 --> 00:33:37,440
Speaker 2: projects in an apartment by himself, paying rent, taking care

755
00:33:37,480 --> 00:33:41,000
Speaker 2: of other people, it's not it's kind of crazy. Like

756
00:33:41,040 --> 00:33:43,920
Speaker 2: when you think about that age and what I don't

757
00:33:43,920 --> 00:33:45,360
Speaker 2: know as a parent, Like do you look at your

758
00:33:45,360 --> 00:33:48,160
Speaker 2: son sometimes and think it's about the seventeen year old

759
00:33:48,240 --> 00:33:48,720
Speaker 2: version of you.

760
00:33:48,760 --> 00:33:50,600
Speaker 23: One hundred percent, and also try to tell on the

761
00:33:50,600 --> 00:33:52,880
Speaker 23: flip side, is that what I didn't do what I

762
00:33:52,920 --> 00:33:54,680
Speaker 23: did for you for to spoil you. I do what

763
00:33:54,840 --> 00:33:56,120
Speaker 23: I did what I did for you to give you

764
00:33:56,160 --> 00:33:59,800
Speaker 23: a better opportunity than I had at achieving anything you want.

765
00:33:59,680 --> 00:34:00,600
Speaker 5: To do in life.

766
00:34:01,240 --> 00:34:04,280
Speaker 23: We didn't have the opportunity to achieve anything we wanted

767
00:34:04,320 --> 00:34:06,360
Speaker 23: to do in life. We had that back against the wall.

768
00:34:06,600 --> 00:34:08,760
Speaker 23: We had to learn how to survive, to get ourselves

769
00:34:08,800 --> 00:34:11,279
Speaker 23: out of certain situations. About a grace of God, some

770
00:34:11,360 --> 00:34:13,359
Speaker 23: kids were talent enough to end up to where we're

771
00:34:13,360 --> 00:34:15,920
Speaker 23: at right now, but nothing was promised. We didn't have anything.

772
00:34:15,960 --> 00:34:17,840
Speaker 23: We didn't have a platform to bounce off, and nobody

773
00:34:17,880 --> 00:34:20,360
Speaker 23: knew financial literacy. Nobody did none of that. Most of

774
00:34:20,400 --> 00:34:21,360
Speaker 23: us was on welfare.

775
00:34:21,480 --> 00:34:22,160
Speaker 5: Most of us are.

776
00:34:22,040 --> 00:34:24,359
Speaker 23: Getting fool stamps. Like I'm from the bottom of it,

777
00:34:24,400 --> 00:34:26,400
Speaker 23: like you did, Like my moms usually take me and

778
00:34:26,440 --> 00:34:28,160
Speaker 23: fight with the social worker, Like I know what the

779
00:34:28,200 --> 00:34:30,640
Speaker 23: ins and outs of the welfare system, Like I'm one

780
00:34:30,719 --> 00:34:32,759
Speaker 23: of them babies, you know what I mean? Like I

781
00:34:32,760 --> 00:34:34,360
Speaker 23: don't know if people get this picture of painting, like

782
00:34:34,400 --> 00:34:36,880
Speaker 23: I'm from the real, real bottom with nothing I've been

783
00:34:36,920 --> 00:34:38,680
Speaker 23: traveling on the train since up in eight and nine.

784
00:34:38,719 --> 00:34:40,799
Speaker 23: I've been telling people this for years, like I'm a

785
00:34:40,840 --> 00:34:42,239
Speaker 23: real anomaly.

786
00:34:41,840 --> 00:34:43,319
Speaker 5: Like I'm different in New York City.

787
00:34:43,360 --> 00:34:45,279
Speaker 23: I was a man long before I was supposed to

788
00:34:45,280 --> 00:34:48,279
Speaker 23: be a man, and I had that mindset because of

789
00:34:48,320 --> 00:34:50,319
Speaker 23: where we grew up at and what was in front

790
00:34:50,320 --> 00:34:52,000
Speaker 23: of me at a young age, and what I was seeing.

791
00:34:52,040 --> 00:34:53,880
Speaker 23: All I seen was hustlers in my life at a

792
00:34:53,880 --> 00:34:57,279
Speaker 23: young age, all from my moms to my uncles. I

793
00:34:57,360 --> 00:34:59,319
Speaker 23: seen what the drugs could do when you make money

794
00:34:59,360 --> 00:35:01,200
Speaker 23: off it. I seen the drugs could do when you

795
00:35:01,239 --> 00:35:03,200
Speaker 23: start to abuse it and tear your whole family apart.

796
00:35:03,239 --> 00:35:05,160
Speaker 23: I've been in the middle of it. If everything, I

797
00:35:05,200 --> 00:35:07,800
Speaker 23: know what drugs could do wholeheartedly. Those are one of

798
00:35:07,840 --> 00:35:10,440
Speaker 23: the reasons why I never did anything but weed in

799
00:35:10,480 --> 00:35:13,520
Speaker 23: my life. I never tried the ecstasy. I never tried

800
00:35:13,640 --> 00:35:16,120
Speaker 23: any of that shit, the perkoset, I got injured, and

801
00:35:16,160 --> 00:35:18,719
Speaker 23: shit like that painkiller. But I never did any of that,

802
00:35:19,480 --> 00:35:21,399
Speaker 23: any of that. And I pride myself and that because

803
00:35:21,400 --> 00:35:23,320
Speaker 23: I was scared straighted that from when I was younger

804
00:35:23,480 --> 00:35:26,960
Speaker 23: watching my family get torn apart by that same drug her.

805
00:35:27,000 --> 00:35:28,120
Speaker 5: But I have addicted behavior.

806
00:35:28,160 --> 00:35:30,239
Speaker 23: I got caught up in marijuana and have to say,

807
00:35:30,280 --> 00:35:32,319
Speaker 23: that's no better than anybody else's vices. And I learned

808
00:35:32,360 --> 00:35:34,520
Speaker 23: that as I got older, I'm no better than anybody

809
00:35:34,520 --> 00:35:36,200
Speaker 23: else because we all have some type of addictions that

810
00:35:36,239 --> 00:35:38,000
Speaker 23: are bad for us, you know what I mean, no

811
00:35:38,040 --> 00:35:39,759
Speaker 23: matter what it is. And I had to learn a

812
00:35:39,800 --> 00:35:42,239
Speaker 23: lot of things about how to handle that and my

813
00:35:42,320 --> 00:35:44,600
Speaker 23: family alone, and to accept certain things and shit like

814
00:35:44,600 --> 00:35:46,000
Speaker 23: that that I once was embarrassed by.

815
00:35:46,280 --> 00:35:48,240
Speaker 4: What is the history of addiction in your family?

816
00:35:49,040 --> 00:35:49,680
Speaker 5: Everybody?

817
00:35:49,880 --> 00:35:50,319
Speaker 13: What do you mean?

818
00:35:50,360 --> 00:35:51,560
Speaker 5: It's addicted in my family?

819
00:35:52,680 --> 00:35:55,600
Speaker 23: Everybody, everyone except for my grandmother.

820
00:35:57,000 --> 00:35:57,800
Speaker 8: How does she pass?

821
00:35:58,200 --> 00:36:01,839
Speaker 23: My grandmother passed a cancer that ninety five.

822
00:36:03,040 --> 00:36:04,000
Speaker 8: That must have been.

823
00:36:06,440 --> 00:36:10,080
Speaker 23: Broke every bit of soul I had, I mean, like

824
00:36:10,440 --> 00:36:12,560
Speaker 23: every bit of that was my mother. I lived.

825
00:36:12,600 --> 00:36:14,240
Speaker 5: My grandmother. She raised me from a baby.

826
00:36:14,360 --> 00:36:16,480
Speaker 23: Not to say my mother didn't raise me, but my

827
00:36:16,520 --> 00:36:19,120
Speaker 23: mother was a baby when she raised them when she

828
00:36:19,160 --> 00:36:21,120
Speaker 23: had me, so she was so young and she still

829
00:36:21,160 --> 00:36:23,759
Speaker 23: was outside running the streets. And my grandmother took the

830
00:36:23,800 --> 00:36:26,800
Speaker 23: responsibility of really raising me and my sister's from a

831
00:36:26,840 --> 00:36:30,879
Speaker 23: young age. And I go and she when I think

832
00:36:30,880 --> 00:36:32,960
Speaker 23: about how early she passed. She passed when she was

833
00:36:33,000 --> 00:36:34,879
Speaker 23: fifty five. I'm forty eight.

834
00:36:36,000 --> 00:36:38,839
Speaker 2: That was young, especially if everybody else in your family

835
00:36:38,880 --> 00:36:40,400
Speaker 2: is addicted to drugs.

836
00:36:40,719 --> 00:36:41,960
Speaker 4: Do you have this one person?

837
00:36:42,480 --> 00:36:46,840
Speaker 23: She was an angel or she was a god favorite lady.

838
00:36:47,320 --> 00:36:47,759
Speaker 5: She showed you.

839
00:36:47,840 --> 00:36:50,279
Speaker 23: I going to church. Her church habits led to my

840
00:36:50,400 --> 00:36:52,680
Speaker 23: church habits. And even though I was running the streets,

841
00:36:52,760 --> 00:36:56,000
Speaker 23: I used to take cam and everybody to church once

842
00:36:56,040 --> 00:36:57,919
Speaker 23: a year in New Year's That led to him taking

843
00:36:57,960 --> 00:37:01,960
Speaker 23: everybody else to church. Like these things that my grandmother

844
00:37:02,000 --> 00:37:04,000
Speaker 23: has still give me a really a lot of the

845
00:37:04,040 --> 00:37:07,400
Speaker 23: reasons why I'm able to still be here today, you

846
00:37:07,440 --> 00:37:09,799
Speaker 23: know what I mean. Like, I'm very realistic in who

847
00:37:09,880 --> 00:37:12,000
Speaker 23: I am and very realistic in life. I'm mostly a

848
00:37:12,080 --> 00:37:15,000
Speaker 23: Golfield man. I'm not perfect. I make mistakes, and when

849
00:37:15,000 --> 00:37:16,840
Speaker 23: I make mistakes, I want to to you know what

850
00:37:16,880 --> 00:37:19,320
Speaker 23: I mean, pardon me. I'm very emotionally everybody I wouldn't

851
00:37:19,360 --> 00:37:21,080
Speaker 23: haul on my sleeve. So here we go with tears

852
00:37:21,080 --> 00:37:21,399
Speaker 23: and share.

853
00:37:21,760 --> 00:37:22,319
Speaker 8: You want to teach you.

854
00:37:25,960 --> 00:37:29,200
Speaker 2: It's crazy because those are the things, right, those are

855
00:37:29,239 --> 00:37:31,359
Speaker 2: the things that shape you. Take a moment like that,

856
00:37:31,480 --> 00:37:35,000
Speaker 2: you're seventeen. Your grandmother the one person that's not addicted

857
00:37:35,000 --> 00:37:36,560
Speaker 2: the drugs that you could rely on that has been

858
00:37:36,600 --> 00:37:37,040
Speaker 2: raising you.

859
00:37:37,120 --> 00:37:38,080
Speaker 4: She's gone like.

860
00:37:39,760 --> 00:37:39,800
Speaker 3: That.

861
00:37:40,840 --> 00:37:43,520
Speaker 4: You could have went in a very different direction.

862
00:37:43,800 --> 00:37:45,080
Speaker 5: Gone in a different direction.

863
00:37:46,000 --> 00:37:46,480
Speaker 8: What do you mean?

864
00:37:47,160 --> 00:37:50,880
Speaker 5: I was gone? The music saved me from the streets.

865
00:37:52,239 --> 00:37:56,680
Speaker 23: Really, the opportunities that music presented to us really saved

866
00:37:56,680 --> 00:37:58,800
Speaker 23: me from the streets. And I mean I was stuck

867
00:37:58,800 --> 00:38:01,600
Speaker 23: in it for a very long time, way after we

868
00:38:01,640 --> 00:38:04,880
Speaker 23: signed the ideas, just because I didn't know no better.

869
00:38:05,520 --> 00:38:06,880
Speaker 23: I had to teach myself better.

870
00:38:07,840 --> 00:38:09,480
Speaker 4: What do you tell What do you tell that kid

871
00:38:09,560 --> 00:38:13,240
Speaker 4: right now that seventeen year olds in that same space

872
00:38:13,280 --> 00:38:13,879
Speaker 4: that you were in.

873
00:38:13,840 --> 00:38:14,399
Speaker 8: At that time.

874
00:38:15,000 --> 00:38:15,239
Speaker 5: Shit?

875
00:38:15,520 --> 00:38:19,560
Speaker 23: I mean it worked for me, so now shut I

876
00:38:19,560 --> 00:38:22,399
Speaker 23: tell him stick to your ground, stick to your heart,

877
00:38:23,000 --> 00:38:26,319
Speaker 23: and be careful, you know what I mean. If I

878
00:38:26,320 --> 00:38:28,520
Speaker 23: had somebody tell me about certain things that was going

879
00:38:28,560 --> 00:38:30,920
Speaker 23: to happen in life, shit, I would have been grateful

880
00:38:30,960 --> 00:38:32,920
Speaker 23: for that. But I had to go head on with

881
00:38:33,000 --> 00:38:36,160
Speaker 23: everything that I had to handle from a young age.

882
00:38:36,239 --> 00:38:38,719
Speaker 23: And just thinking about that now, with shit like that.

883
00:38:38,760 --> 00:38:43,719
Speaker 23: You know, I don't really talk about my grandmother, so

884
00:38:44,840 --> 00:38:50,120
Speaker 23: right now you mentioned this that I try to not

885
00:38:50,280 --> 00:38:54,120
Speaker 23: talk about. I know she hurts a lot. Yeah, she

886
00:38:54,160 --> 00:38:57,360
Speaker 23: got yeah because she didn't get to see how dopeer

887
00:38:57,400 --> 00:39:00,600
Speaker 23: for how dope for her grel.

888
00:39:00,640 --> 00:39:01,319
Speaker 5: So it came to be.

889
00:39:02,800 --> 00:39:05,440
Speaker 4: You don't believe that, and let's get you a tissue.

890
00:39:05,440 --> 00:39:05,640
Speaker 2: Baby.

891
00:39:05,640 --> 00:39:08,399
Speaker 23: I don't want you to even you know, people will

892
00:39:08,480 --> 00:39:12,600
Speaker 23: have been watching over. But physically you would have liked.

893
00:39:12,000 --> 00:39:13,839
Speaker 8: You probably would have liked to spend some money on her.

894
00:39:14,360 --> 00:39:15,279
Speaker 8: Let her feeling.

895
00:39:15,160 --> 00:39:19,000
Speaker 5: Money would give everything that got right there. I would

896
00:39:19,000 --> 00:39:21,839
Speaker 5: be comfortable living on the streets. I FCT that did

897
00:39:21,960 --> 00:39:22,960
Speaker 5: two seconds with her?

898
00:39:24,440 --> 00:39:24,839
Speaker 17: Mm hmm.

899
00:39:26,280 --> 00:39:27,800
Speaker 4: This is your mom's MoMA, your dad's.

900
00:39:27,560 --> 00:39:32,600
Speaker 23: Mom, My dad mom is still a lot.

901
00:39:32,719 --> 00:39:35,640
Speaker 5: She's a kangster. She's a gang ninety four. Right now?

902
00:39:36,520 --> 00:39:40,839
Speaker 4: Where is she? I'm sorry I got you emotional so

903
00:39:40,920 --> 00:39:43,280
Speaker 4: early in the conversation that it doesn't usually happen.

904
00:39:43,280 --> 00:39:45,279
Speaker 5: It's cool, little beach. Are things that humble me?

905
00:39:46,440 --> 00:39:46,920
Speaker 8: What do you mean?

906
00:39:48,320 --> 00:39:51,000
Speaker 23: Because I was moving so fast and sometimes I forget

907
00:39:51,040 --> 00:39:52,800
Speaker 23: about what's more important in life.

908
00:39:53,760 --> 00:39:55,439
Speaker 5: And it's easy to get caught up in this game.

909
00:39:58,120 --> 00:40:01,799
Speaker 23: You just bring me back to reality.

910
00:40:01,840 --> 00:40:02,439
Speaker 5: But it's cool.

911
00:40:02,520 --> 00:40:03,680
Speaker 8: What do you think it's important?

912
00:40:04,640 --> 00:40:04,879
Speaker 5: Well?

913
00:40:04,880 --> 00:40:06,920
Speaker 23: We life living into the polls.

914
00:40:07,960 --> 00:40:08,160
Speaker 5: You know.

915
00:40:08,280 --> 00:40:13,279
Speaker 23: I've learned that people are more important than come and

916
00:40:13,320 --> 00:40:20,880
Speaker 23: see to me in my life. You could always make

917
00:40:20,960 --> 00:40:25,000
Speaker 23: some money, you can't make a good person and you

918
00:40:25,040 --> 00:40:27,879
Speaker 23: can't get them back once they're going, So.

919
00:40:28,239 --> 00:40:29,319
Speaker 5: Cherish them what they're here.

920
00:40:31,400 --> 00:40:31,440
Speaker 22: Do.

921
00:40:32,280 --> 00:40:41,000
Speaker 2: If you love anybody, you've had Chrissie around for a

922
00:40:41,040 --> 00:40:41,560
Speaker 2: long time.

923
00:40:41,840 --> 00:40:43,960
Speaker 23: Yeah, that's my ride to die right there.

924
00:40:44,760 --> 00:40:45,600
Speaker 8: I bet you that's her.

925
00:40:46,200 --> 00:40:50,600
Speaker 5: Probably probably she'll be on it. And it is.

926
00:40:54,040 --> 00:41:01,359
Speaker 2: Chrissy just talking about you.

927
00:41:01,480 --> 00:41:05,560
Speaker 8: And I said, thank you, mama, I said, Christy, And

928
00:41:05,600 --> 00:41:08,120
Speaker 8: you called like he was like you were you knew

929
00:41:08,120 --> 00:41:12,839
Speaker 8: he was talking about you. Get that say you're going

930
00:41:12,920 --> 00:41:13,799
Speaker 8: to be talking.

931
00:41:13,600 --> 00:41:20,480
Speaker 2: Right you back bye, mama?

932
00:41:22,239 --> 00:41:26,359
Speaker 8: So cute. How do you feel about being an icon?

933
00:41:26,480 --> 00:41:27,399
Speaker 8: The word icon?

934
00:41:27,680 --> 00:41:30,400
Speaker 2: The moment of when people take a moment, because you know,

935
00:41:30,440 --> 00:41:32,319
Speaker 2: we all are living our lives and trying to be

936
00:41:32,320 --> 00:41:35,680
Speaker 2: on our purpose and hopefully doing things and contributing. But

937
00:41:35,800 --> 00:41:37,799
Speaker 2: every now and then we stopped for a second and

938
00:41:37,880 --> 00:41:40,880
Speaker 2: we say, hey, man, good job, or hey we appreciate

939
00:41:40,960 --> 00:41:43,200
Speaker 2: you every now and then in our careers, if we're

940
00:41:43,280 --> 00:41:46,279
Speaker 2: lucky enough, we're blessed enough, then people take a moment

941
00:41:46,320 --> 00:41:48,520
Speaker 2: to like, look at your history and honor you.

942
00:41:48,560 --> 00:41:49,920
Speaker 8: And what does that feel?

943
00:41:50,000 --> 00:41:54,640
Speaker 24: Like for you, it is very it's very out of body.

944
00:41:54,840 --> 00:41:59,880
Speaker 24: It is nuanced, you know, because you know it's a

945
00:42:00,040 --> 00:42:02,719
Speaker 24: come from a genre of music where you are wired

946
00:42:04,080 --> 00:42:09,560
Speaker 24: as a pup to have the mindset and the consciousness

947
00:42:09,560 --> 00:42:12,600
Speaker 24: of it ain't about you, you know what I mean, Like,

948
00:42:12,680 --> 00:42:14,520
Speaker 24: you know, like you're a vessel for God, and you

949
00:42:14,520 --> 00:42:17,320
Speaker 24: know you shouldn't be getting all caught up in in

950
00:42:17,440 --> 00:42:19,160
Speaker 24: the world and things like, you know, like I was

951
00:42:19,160 --> 00:42:22,880
Speaker 24: at home in the bed when I won my first Grammy.

952
00:42:23,040 --> 00:42:24,680
Speaker 17: You didn't go to the Grammars when I want my

953
00:42:24,680 --> 00:42:25,520
Speaker 17: first girls at home.

954
00:42:25,560 --> 00:42:29,720
Speaker 24: But because a lot of the older school gospel artists

955
00:42:29,760 --> 00:42:34,200
Speaker 24: around me were very much anti anything that looked like

956
00:42:35,600 --> 00:42:39,160
Speaker 24: anything self celebratory. They were very much you know, you know,

957
00:42:39,280 --> 00:42:41,279
Speaker 24: we're supposed we're supposed to be doing it for him

958
00:42:41,400 --> 00:42:43,120
Speaker 24: if God is not supposed to be brought us. And

959
00:42:43,200 --> 00:42:46,680
Speaker 24: so I wanted to kind of model myself based on

960
00:42:46,719 --> 00:42:49,080
Speaker 24: what I thought was Okay, well, if that's what they're doing,

961
00:42:49,120 --> 00:42:51,480
Speaker 24: I need to be that way too. And so it's

962
00:42:51,600 --> 00:42:55,520
Speaker 24: only been a few years, it's only been maybe a decade,

963
00:42:55,640 --> 00:42:58,600
Speaker 24: not close a decade, that I've become very comfortable something

964
00:42:58,640 --> 00:43:00,080
Speaker 24: after COVID switch.

965
00:43:00,640 --> 00:43:04,920
Speaker 17: What really COVID was the switch. It was leading up

966
00:43:04,920 --> 00:43:06,520
Speaker 17: to COVID switch.

967
00:43:06,560 --> 00:43:12,040
Speaker 24: It's I think that when churches were closed, and and

968
00:43:12,080 --> 00:43:16,759
Speaker 24: if I can be honest, when religion not not Christianity

969
00:43:16,840 --> 00:43:21,239
Speaker 24: not not not the teachings and the patterns of the

970
00:43:21,280 --> 00:43:24,160
Speaker 24: life of Jesus, because see, Jesus was ill, you know

971
00:43:24,200 --> 00:43:24,600
Speaker 24: what I'm saying.

972
00:43:24,640 --> 00:43:25,319
Speaker 4: Jesus was dope.

973
00:43:25,440 --> 00:43:26,200
Speaker 5: Jesus, you know.

974
00:43:26,280 --> 00:43:31,319
Speaker 24: But but but organized religion and Western Christianity can be problematic, right,

975
00:43:31,560 --> 00:43:35,319
Speaker 24: historically be problematic for black and brown people. But and

976
00:43:35,320 --> 00:43:38,080
Speaker 24: and and and so Western Christianity and Jesus, so they're

977
00:43:38,080 --> 00:43:39,080
Speaker 24: not synonymous.

978
00:43:39,280 --> 00:43:39,640
Speaker 5: They're not.

979
00:43:39,920 --> 00:43:41,759
Speaker 17: No, of course, not at all.

980
00:43:42,239 --> 00:43:42,600
Speaker 5: And so.

981
00:43:44,040 --> 00:43:46,760
Speaker 24: Seeing seeing church doors closed and people trying to find

982
00:43:46,800 --> 00:43:50,120
Speaker 24: their way, and you, you being left on your own

983
00:43:50,200 --> 00:43:53,319
Speaker 24: to kind of find your own journey, to find your path,

984
00:43:53,400 --> 00:43:55,720
Speaker 24: and it but kind of came like another awakening, like

985
00:43:55,719 --> 00:43:58,839
Speaker 24: like another enlightenment. I think that it freed people from

986
00:43:58,960 --> 00:44:03,200
Speaker 24: religion and from dogma. But I'm still not asking you

987
00:44:03,200 --> 00:44:06,040
Speaker 24: a question. Your question was about this award.

988
00:44:05,920 --> 00:44:08,000
Speaker 8: And the sweat for you to be like, okay, to

989
00:44:08,120 --> 00:44:09,480
Speaker 8: receiving an award and be honest.

990
00:44:10,160 --> 00:44:12,200
Speaker 24: Yeah, but see, I don't even know if I'm okay

991
00:44:12,239 --> 00:44:14,520
Speaker 24: with receiving award and not from the religious standpoint.

992
00:44:14,840 --> 00:44:15,720
Speaker 17: I just think that.

993
00:44:18,000 --> 00:44:20,520
Speaker 9: Man, and it is it is.

994
00:44:20,840 --> 00:44:22,919
Speaker 24: It is the weirdest thing because it is my first

995
00:44:22,960 --> 00:44:26,640
Speaker 24: interview that I've had about this like this, and then

996
00:44:26,640 --> 00:44:28,200
Speaker 24: I'm here with you, says like, I gotta do a

997
00:44:28,239 --> 00:44:29,520
Speaker 24: point because you're such a legend.

998
00:44:29,880 --> 00:44:34,600
Speaker 25: No you stop it, Oh no, you just you you

999
00:44:34,600 --> 00:44:37,600
Speaker 25: You always showed me love you on the street and stop.

1000
00:44:37,480 --> 00:44:41,560
Speaker 24: You one of one as I think that when you

1001
00:44:41,680 --> 00:44:44,719
Speaker 24: think when that's very Oh no, ma'am, No, it's it's

1002
00:44:44,840 --> 00:44:45,800
Speaker 24: it's it's earned.

1003
00:44:46,239 --> 00:44:49,160
Speaker 17: It's that you think of like you know, it just

1004
00:44:49,200 --> 00:44:52,880
Speaker 17: makes you wonder. But what do I do with that?

1005
00:44:53,880 --> 00:44:54,080
Speaker 5: You know?

1006
00:44:54,239 --> 00:44:55,799
Speaker 4: Like what do I like?

1007
00:44:56,080 --> 00:44:57,160
Speaker 17: I'm not built to go.

1008
00:44:58,560 --> 00:44:59,200
Speaker 9: I degree?

1009
00:44:59,560 --> 00:45:02,520
Speaker 8: Yeah, yeah, amazing.

1010
00:45:03,160 --> 00:45:04,120
Speaker 17: I don't know what to do.

1011
00:45:04,840 --> 00:45:06,520
Speaker 8: I can I share a story with you. I did.

1012
00:45:07,000 --> 00:45:09,200
Speaker 8: I got inducted into the Radio Hall of Fame. When

1013
00:45:09,320 --> 00:45:10,160
Speaker 8: was that? How many years ago?

1014
00:45:11,800 --> 00:45:15,120
Speaker 2: Around COVID, because yeah, I actually got the award was

1015
00:45:15,200 --> 00:45:15,760
Speaker 2: during COVID.

1016
00:45:16,040 --> 00:45:18,720
Speaker 8: But I you know, sometimes you have to like campaign

1017
00:45:18,760 --> 00:45:21,680
Speaker 8: for those things. I never cared about awards. I hate awards.

1018
00:45:21,760 --> 00:45:22,279
Speaker 8: I don't want to.

1019
00:45:22,800 --> 00:45:23,920
Speaker 4: I don't want I don't.

1020
00:45:24,000 --> 00:45:25,520
Speaker 2: It's not that I don't want it on my humble,

1021
00:45:25,560 --> 00:45:28,960
Speaker 2: It's just that I got stuff to do, and also

1022
00:45:29,080 --> 00:45:31,000
Speaker 2: like it just feels weird to me, kind of like.

1023
00:45:31,760 --> 00:45:35,000
Speaker 2: But then I went to speak out of college and

1024
00:45:35,040 --> 00:45:37,880
Speaker 2: it was kids, a bunch of kids doing broadcasting.

1025
00:45:37,320 --> 00:45:40,799
Speaker 8: And they had a wall of the the Radio Hall of.

1026
00:45:40,760 --> 00:45:44,440
Speaker 2: Fame and there was no hardly any people of color

1027
00:45:44,560 --> 00:45:47,080
Speaker 2: and hardly any women on the wall. But I walked

1028
00:45:47,120 --> 00:45:50,280
Speaker 2: in the class and there was mad people of colors,

1029
00:45:50,360 --> 00:45:51,120
Speaker 2: diverse room.

1030
00:45:51,640 --> 00:45:53,120
Speaker 8: And when I walked back out, I was like, Oh,

1031
00:45:53,160 --> 00:45:54,120
Speaker 8: I need to be on that wall.

1032
00:45:54,200 --> 00:45:54,680
Speaker 5: I get it.

1033
00:45:54,680 --> 00:45:56,799
Speaker 2: So it's not for me to be on that wall.

1034
00:45:56,960 --> 00:45:59,600
Speaker 2: It's actually as representation. It's important for me to be

1035
00:45:59,640 --> 00:46:02,200
Speaker 2: on that wall. So I now, if I have a

1036
00:46:02,239 --> 00:46:04,239
Speaker 2: reward or something like that, I kind of look at

1037
00:46:04,280 --> 00:46:06,200
Speaker 2: it that way, like, this is not just an award

1038
00:46:06,239 --> 00:46:07,839
Speaker 2: for me to go home and sit in my house

1039
00:46:07,840 --> 00:46:11,359
Speaker 2: and go great. It's an opportunity for people to look

1040
00:46:11,400 --> 00:46:13,520
Speaker 2: at you and be like, oh, I could do that too.

1041
00:46:14,200 --> 00:46:15,440
Speaker 2: Oh if I stay true.

1042
00:46:15,239 --> 00:46:17,440
Speaker 8: To myself and I fight.

1043
00:46:17,280 --> 00:46:20,680
Speaker 2: Through demons and I'm honest about it, maybe I could

1044
00:46:20,800 --> 00:46:25,399
Speaker 2: have a moment of celebration too. It's inspiring. So if

1045
00:46:25,400 --> 00:46:28,239
Speaker 2: you take that energy and put it outside. Not that

1046
00:46:28,239 --> 00:46:29,160
Speaker 2: I'm trying to preach.

1047
00:46:28,960 --> 00:46:33,080
Speaker 4: To you right now, it's crazy.

1048
00:46:33,239 --> 00:46:35,120
Speaker 2: It really is a different way to look at it,

1049
00:46:35,120 --> 00:46:37,400
Speaker 2: instead of putting all the weight on you like I

1050
00:46:37,440 --> 00:46:38,600
Speaker 2: feel about being honored.

1051
00:46:38,760 --> 00:46:41,640
Speaker 17: Yeah, yeah, well, thank you for understanding totally.

1052
00:46:42,200 --> 00:46:45,480
Speaker 26: Sometimes it's very scary, you know, Like Jeffrey had to

1053
00:46:45,880 --> 00:46:48,640
Speaker 26: even though he's on the spectrum, he had to register

1054
00:46:48,760 --> 00:46:51,719
Speaker 26: for the military. That was something that I didn't think

1055
00:46:51,719 --> 00:46:53,719
Speaker 26: about because at the time he had to be registered

1056
00:46:53,719 --> 00:46:56,960
Speaker 26: at eighteen. They said, I was trying to get him

1057
00:46:57,000 --> 00:46:58,160
Speaker 26: out of it, but there was like, you know, you

1058
00:46:58,200 --> 00:47:01,040
Speaker 26: a celebrity, so either he could go to jail or

1059
00:47:01,160 --> 00:47:03,920
Speaker 26: be fined a lot of money, you could be escapegoat.

1060
00:47:04,000 --> 00:47:06,200
Speaker 26: So I had to register my son. And they said,

1061
00:47:06,239 --> 00:47:10,200
Speaker 26: don't worry, we're not in an active war. An active war,

1062
00:47:10,400 --> 00:47:14,000
Speaker 26: so if any thing happened, we would, you know, do

1063
00:47:14,160 --> 00:47:17,160
Speaker 26: the mental test, the emotional tests, and we're gonna set

1064
00:47:17,200 --> 00:47:19,759
Speaker 26: them home. Well, now with this administration, I don't know

1065
00:47:19,760 --> 00:47:22,120
Speaker 26: what's about to happen. I wake up out of my

1066
00:47:22,160 --> 00:47:26,920
Speaker 26: sleep terrified. Well, my son is registered for the military.

1067
00:47:27,440 --> 00:47:30,279
Speaker 26: It's hard explaining to him what's going on now you

1068
00:47:30,320 --> 00:47:34,279
Speaker 26: know about the government, because he just looks at things

1069
00:47:34,280 --> 00:47:38,160
Speaker 26: in black and white, right and wrong. And I'm just like,

1070
00:47:38,160 --> 00:47:41,120
Speaker 26: I don't want anybody to take advantage of my son,

1071
00:47:41,360 --> 00:47:43,880
Speaker 26: because Jeffrey doesn't read bad energy.

1072
00:47:44,320 --> 00:47:47,319
Speaker 13: He's just like happy, go lucky. So you know, you

1073
00:47:47,360 --> 00:47:48,359
Speaker 13: don't want them to get hurt.

1074
00:47:48,360 --> 00:47:51,760
Speaker 26: But sometimes, you know, we are where we are because

1075
00:47:51,800 --> 00:47:53,640
Speaker 26: we got hurt, you know, because we had to go

1076
00:47:53,719 --> 00:47:54,480
Speaker 26: through some stuff.

1077
00:47:55,000 --> 00:47:56,560
Speaker 13: So what do I tell my son.

1078
00:47:57,120 --> 00:48:00,960
Speaker 26: I try to just teach him to be an amazing person.

1079
00:48:01,600 --> 00:48:05,560
Speaker 26: I really work on accepting his differences. I had to

1080
00:48:05,640 --> 00:48:09,320
Speaker 26: mourn why he wasn't like me. My son doesn't like attention.

1081
00:48:09,920 --> 00:48:12,640
Speaker 26: He stopped me from talking about him on stage. I

1082
00:48:12,680 --> 00:48:17,480
Speaker 26: am forbidden to say his name, to give any experiences.

1083
00:48:17,760 --> 00:48:20,200
Speaker 26: I said, you are my money. I don't have a

1084
00:48:20,239 --> 00:48:23,279
Speaker 26: man in my life. It's just you, like all I

1085
00:48:23,320 --> 00:48:25,880
Speaker 26: talk about it, and he said, no, I'm not a story.

1086
00:48:26,520 --> 00:48:29,719
Speaker 26: So I've had to respect that because so I just

1087
00:48:29,760 --> 00:48:33,960
Speaker 26: try to teach him, you know, Jeffrey just you know,

1088
00:48:34,440 --> 00:48:37,680
Speaker 26: be a good kind person. I told him the other day,

1089
00:48:37,760 --> 00:48:41,279
Speaker 26: I said, if the police stop you, you must tell

1090
00:48:41,320 --> 00:48:44,080
Speaker 26: them that you're autistic and that you need to call

1091
00:48:44,120 --> 00:48:46,880
Speaker 26: your mom. He said, I'm not autistic, I'm not a

1092
00:48:46,960 --> 00:48:49,840
Speaker 26: label mom. And I'm like, oh my gosh, Jeffrey. But

1093
00:48:50,200 --> 00:48:52,000
Speaker 26: if something like that happens and he goes and the

1094
00:48:52,000 --> 00:48:55,239
Speaker 26: police aren't going to stop me, So I don't want

1095
00:48:55,239 --> 00:48:56,879
Speaker 26: to put the fear of God into my son.

1096
00:48:57,000 --> 00:48:58,160
Speaker 4: Yeah, but you want to prepare him.

1097
00:48:58,160 --> 00:48:59,120
Speaker 13: But I want to prepare him.

1098
00:48:59,120 --> 00:49:02,560
Speaker 26: But he's so like and that's what he believes, so good,

1099
00:49:02,719 --> 00:49:05,120
Speaker 26: his heart is so pure. He's like, that's not gonna happen.

1100
00:49:05,680 --> 00:49:07,560
Speaker 2: I know that I have friends who have kids on

1101
00:49:07,600 --> 00:49:10,759
Speaker 2: the spectrum, and there's a I always think it's like

1102
00:49:10,920 --> 00:49:14,400
Speaker 2: a gift in a curson where he says challenges and blessings.

1103
00:49:14,440 --> 00:49:15,879
Speaker 4: But there's such a purity.

1104
00:49:16,120 --> 00:49:17,960
Speaker 13: It's such a purity about.

1105
00:49:17,719 --> 00:49:19,520
Speaker 2: The way they maneuver, at least the ones that I know.

1106
00:49:19,640 --> 00:49:22,320
Speaker 2: I'm sure everyone's different. The children I have been around,

1107
00:49:22,320 --> 00:49:24,440
Speaker 2: there's such a purity in how they move around the

1108
00:49:24,480 --> 00:49:25,000
Speaker 2: world and how.

1109
00:49:24,960 --> 00:49:25,959
Speaker 8: They move around in life.

1110
00:49:26,040 --> 00:49:28,920
Speaker 26: And I go, well, maybe Father, he knows something I

1111
00:49:28,960 --> 00:49:33,120
Speaker 26: don't know. He's manifesting something, you know that what might

1112
00:49:33,160 --> 00:49:35,600
Speaker 26: be true. And that's what my girlfriend said when I

1113
00:49:35,640 --> 00:49:38,480
Speaker 26: go through it with about Jeffrey. She said, God told

1114
00:49:38,480 --> 00:49:43,120
Speaker 26: me to tell you who knows best, who knows Jeffrey best,

1115
00:49:43,600 --> 00:49:46,640
Speaker 26: his mother or the one who created him? That had

1116
00:49:46,640 --> 00:49:49,400
Speaker 26: me laid out on the floor stuff. I literally have

1117
00:49:49,480 --> 00:49:51,759
Speaker 26: to say, Lord, I just entrust my son to you.

1118
00:49:52,120 --> 00:49:54,480
Speaker 26: Of the you know, I don't remember nothing, but I

1119
00:49:54,560 --> 00:49:55,400
Speaker 26: just trust this.

1120
00:49:55,480 --> 00:49:55,880
Speaker 23: Word to you.

1121
00:49:56,280 --> 00:50:00,839
Speaker 2: What about what has been the greatest about that part?

1122
00:50:00,840 --> 00:50:04,440
Speaker 2: Like what has been the biggest blessing of that of

1123
00:50:04,520 --> 00:50:06,600
Speaker 2: raising a child who's on the spectrum?

1124
00:50:06,640 --> 00:50:09,319
Speaker 4: And then the most challenging thing, the.

1125
00:50:09,320 --> 00:50:13,840
Speaker 26: Biggest blessing is Jeffreys taught me to be fearless. Jeffrey's

1126
00:50:13,840 --> 00:50:16,440
Speaker 26: taught me to advocate for myself because I have to

1127
00:50:16,480 --> 00:50:19,640
Speaker 26: advocate for him. And if I can't advocate for myself,

1128
00:50:20,160 --> 00:50:22,560
Speaker 26: I have to be able to you know, I can't

1129
00:50:22,600 --> 00:50:23,799
Speaker 26: advocate for him.

1130
00:50:24,000 --> 00:50:24,200
Speaker 13: You know.

1131
00:50:24,360 --> 00:50:26,960
Speaker 26: Like it's a real thing about black boys being in

1132
00:50:27,000 --> 00:50:28,680
Speaker 26: school and the way that you know, prison and the

1133
00:50:28,680 --> 00:50:31,680
Speaker 26: pipeline pipeline in prison and how they are treated, and

1134
00:50:31,719 --> 00:50:36,080
Speaker 26: they need we need more male teachers of color in there,

1135
00:50:36,440 --> 00:50:38,520
Speaker 26: and that black boys get in trouble more, you know,

1136
00:50:38,560 --> 00:50:40,600
Speaker 26: because you got people who don't understand them. And I

1137
00:50:40,640 --> 00:50:42,520
Speaker 26: remember there was incidents at school and they were like

1138
00:50:42,520 --> 00:50:44,080
Speaker 26: we got have to put in this file, and I

1139
00:50:44,120 --> 00:50:45,719
Speaker 26: had to step up and go, no, you not, because

1140
00:50:45,719 --> 00:50:48,279
Speaker 26: that's not Jeffrey's fault. That's not no no, that's not

1141
00:50:48,320 --> 00:50:51,799
Speaker 26: my son. We're gonna talk about this. I'm coming in,

1142
00:50:52,480 --> 00:50:54,759
Speaker 26: you know. That's always I never like any kind of

1143
00:50:54,840 --> 00:50:57,040
Speaker 26: come what do you call it confrontation.

1144
00:50:57,760 --> 00:50:59,920
Speaker 13: I was raising a religion where we didn't do conference.

1145
00:51:00,480 --> 00:51:03,520
Speaker 26: So having a step up to advocate from my son,

1146
00:51:04,160 --> 00:51:06,120
Speaker 26: you know, has been a big one. But it's been

1147
00:51:06,160 --> 00:51:11,080
Speaker 26: also wonderful. It's been a challenge. You know, a child

1148
00:51:11,120 --> 00:51:15,399
Speaker 26: on the spectrum, they repeat things thirty forty times, They

1149
00:51:15,440 --> 00:51:19,359
Speaker 26: have meltdowns, things that look that you might look at

1150
00:51:19,920 --> 00:51:20,879
Speaker 26: with my son going I.

1151
00:51:20,800 --> 00:51:22,160
Speaker 13: Can't believe you let him say that.

1152
00:51:22,560 --> 00:51:25,560
Speaker 26: Jeffrey doesn't know the difference between tone, so he might

1153
00:51:25,680 --> 00:51:28,480
Speaker 26: so I might go, Jeffrey doing he thinks that's just

1154
00:51:28,520 --> 00:51:32,000
Speaker 26: like a regular you don't understand disrespectful. So I have

1155
00:51:32,080 --> 00:51:34,520
Speaker 26: to teach him that, you know, And so somebody else

1156
00:51:34,600 --> 00:51:36,759
Speaker 26: might look at it and go, I can't believe he

1157
00:51:36,920 --> 00:51:39,080
Speaker 26: was doing that, but I know that that's his spectrum.

1158
00:51:39,280 --> 00:51:42,279
Speaker 26: It's called stacking. Like if Jeffrey sees something you if

1159
00:51:42,360 --> 00:51:44,560
Speaker 26: you see a dangerous situation. You'll go, wait a minute,

1160
00:51:44,640 --> 00:51:47,000
Speaker 26: they're doing this. Then you stack it with another thought,

1161
00:51:47,080 --> 00:51:49,319
Speaker 26: I need to do this because they were doing that.

1162
00:51:49,360 --> 00:51:52,680
Speaker 26: Then you stack it with another thought. So he doesn't

1163
00:51:52,680 --> 00:51:55,440
Speaker 26: do that. With his disorder, he sees it and he

1164
00:51:55,520 --> 00:51:58,160
Speaker 26: still goes and says, hey, bro, you know right, it's

1165
00:51:58,200 --> 00:52:02,959
Speaker 26: a dangerous situation. So I had to really accept this

1166
00:52:03,000 --> 00:52:06,560
Speaker 26: is my son. I had to accept his little quirky ways.

1167
00:52:07,160 --> 00:52:10,160
Speaker 26: I had to accept, Sherry, he will say the same

1168
00:52:10,239 --> 00:52:16,600
Speaker 26: thing to you thirty two times, and he will have meltdowns.

1169
00:52:17,360 --> 00:52:19,839
Speaker 26: And I said, Jeffrey, do I frustrate you? He went, yes,

1170
00:52:20,120 --> 00:52:22,000
Speaker 26: every day all day.

1171
00:52:22,000 --> 00:52:22,799
Speaker 4: You always want to come in.

1172
00:52:22,800 --> 00:52:25,120
Speaker 8: You keep going, Jeffrey, how you doing, Jeffrey? I love you, Jeffy.

1173
00:52:25,160 --> 00:52:26,920
Speaker 8: How was school? Jeffrey? Did you pull your plants on?

1174
00:52:27,040 --> 00:52:28,040
Speaker 8: Jeffrey didn't take a shot.

1175
00:52:28,080 --> 00:52:28,920
Speaker 9: Jeffy did, and I.

1176
00:52:28,920 --> 00:52:31,439
Speaker 26: Was like, okay, watch your tone. Then he goes what

1177
00:52:32,440 --> 00:52:34,839
Speaker 26: I've had to accept that is my son. I've had

1178
00:52:34,880 --> 00:52:38,399
Speaker 26: to accept that my son, who was born the same

1179
00:52:38,480 --> 00:52:42,560
Speaker 26: time as Garcel Bouvet's kids and the same time as

1180
00:52:43,320 --> 00:52:49,560
Speaker 26: Boris Kojo's son. They're all in college right now. It's

1181
00:52:49,600 --> 00:52:52,359
Speaker 26: a little click not click bad. But they've all grown

1182
00:52:52,440 --> 00:52:55,600
Speaker 26: up together, all the Hollywood kids. I've had to accept

1183
00:52:55,800 --> 00:52:58,560
Speaker 26: my son is a little different, so he probably doesn't

1184
00:52:58,600 --> 00:53:02,240
Speaker 26: fit in like they would. I'm not going to Howard

1185
00:53:02,800 --> 00:53:06,640
Speaker 26: unpacking Jeffrey's stuff, and sometimes I wonder what would have

1186
00:53:06,680 --> 00:53:09,839
Speaker 26: been like if he didn't have autism.

1187
00:53:09,880 --> 00:53:10,879
Speaker 13: And I've learned to go.

1188
00:53:11,160 --> 00:53:13,560
Speaker 26: But he's just like who he is, and he's a

1189
00:53:13,600 --> 00:53:17,239
Speaker 26: beautiful kid, and he's sober, and he loves me even

1190
00:53:17,280 --> 00:53:20,759
Speaker 26: though he wants to be away from me. So that's

1191
00:53:20,760 --> 00:53:23,719
Speaker 26: probably been the biggest challenge of going. You know, Jeffrey's

1192
00:53:23,960 --> 00:53:26,560
Speaker 26: father is a stand up comic. I'm a stand up comic,

1193
00:53:26,800 --> 00:53:28,839
Speaker 26: but that boy in more bad moods than anybody ever.

1194
00:53:28,880 --> 00:53:32,520
Speaker 26: He don't want nothing to do with comedy, with no jokes.

1195
00:53:32,680 --> 00:53:33,560
Speaker 13: He don't want nothing.

1196
00:53:33,719 --> 00:53:36,200
Speaker 26: But if you say to Jeffrey, what are people most

1197
00:53:36,239 --> 00:53:38,880
Speaker 26: people say about Jeffrey, He's so funny, He's got this

1198
00:53:39,000 --> 00:53:42,680
Speaker 26: dry sense of humor, but he wants nothing to do

1199
00:53:42,760 --> 00:53:45,680
Speaker 26: with what his mother and father do, And I go,

1200
00:53:46,280 --> 00:53:47,880
Speaker 26: what are you gonna do? He ain't gonna be no

1201
00:53:48,000 --> 00:53:54,080
Speaker 26: rocket scientist. So that's the challenge of acceptance and accepting

1202
00:53:54,120 --> 00:53:58,200
Speaker 26: that just he is who he is and accepting that,

1203
00:53:58,440 --> 00:54:01,239
Speaker 26: you know what he's going to be. Okay, I wake

1204
00:54:01,320 --> 00:54:05,280
Speaker 26: up a lot terrified, going is the world going to

1205
00:54:05,600 --> 00:54:08,359
Speaker 26: treat my son? And they're gonna see my son how

1206
00:54:08,480 --> 00:54:12,040
Speaker 26: innocent he is that even though his face Jeffrey will say,

1207
00:54:12,040 --> 00:54:14,920
Speaker 26: I'm crying inside, Mom, But will they see that that

1208
00:54:15,239 --> 00:54:18,080
Speaker 26: purity in this boy that is now twenty one?

1209
00:54:18,239 --> 00:54:18,960
Speaker 13: Because I can't.

1210
00:54:18,760 --> 00:54:20,919
Speaker 26: Speak for him no more, angie, people get on the phone.

1211
00:54:20,920 --> 00:54:22,640
Speaker 26: We were talking to Social Security. I'm gonna just tell

1212
00:54:22,640 --> 00:54:23,120
Speaker 26: you a story.

1213
00:54:23,400 --> 00:54:24,040
Speaker 13: We will move on.

1214
00:54:24,440 --> 00:54:25,799
Speaker 26: But like I can't. I think of my son as

1215
00:54:25,800 --> 00:54:27,680
Speaker 26: a thirteen year so I can't speak for him. So

1216
00:54:27,719 --> 00:54:29,880
Speaker 26: we have to talk to the Social Security office and

1217
00:54:29,920 --> 00:54:31,279
Speaker 26: they said, miss Shepard, we can't talk to you.

1218
00:54:31,560 --> 00:54:32,120
Speaker 13: He's twenty.

1219
00:54:32,360 --> 00:54:34,600
Speaker 26: We just talked to mister Tarpley and I said, he

1220
00:54:34,640 --> 00:54:36,960
Speaker 26: don't know his head from his ass, like I'm the one,

1221
00:54:37,080 --> 00:54:38,480
Speaker 26: like you gotta talk to me, And they said, no,

1222
00:54:38,560 --> 00:54:39,399
Speaker 26: we have to talk to him.

1223
00:54:39,520 --> 00:54:41,160
Speaker 13: So the first thing they said to him, they said,

1224
00:54:41,640 --> 00:54:42,400
Speaker 13: what is your sex?

1225
00:54:42,400 --> 00:54:44,920
Speaker 26: He goes, well, I'm not having it right now, but

1226
00:54:45,000 --> 00:54:46,960
Speaker 26: when I'm twenty four. My mom said, what I'm twenty four,

1227
00:54:47,160 --> 00:54:49,879
Speaker 26: I'm having a lot of sex. And I'm sitting there going,

1228
00:54:49,960 --> 00:54:51,400
Speaker 26: you see, this is why I want to talk. And

1229
00:54:51,440 --> 00:54:54,120
Speaker 26: they said, do you do drugs? He goes, not yet,

1230
00:54:54,600 --> 00:54:57,439
Speaker 26: but twenty four I'm getting hot. I'm going to see

1231
00:54:57,480 --> 00:54:59,880
Speaker 26: strippers and it's gonna be lit, mom, I'm gonna be

1232
00:54:59,880 --> 00:55:03,680
Speaker 26: I They're in the streets, like and so a call

1233
00:55:03,719 --> 00:55:08,720
Speaker 26: that would have taken twenty minutes two hours, yeah, two hours,

1234
00:55:08,800 --> 00:55:10,400
Speaker 26: and I was just sitting here, but I can't.

1235
00:55:10,160 --> 00:55:10,600
Speaker 4: Talk for me.

1236
00:55:10,920 --> 00:55:12,880
Speaker 27: We were at a good time in our lives because

1237
00:55:12,880 --> 00:55:15,880
Speaker 27: our kids don't have phones yet and they're not on

1238
00:55:15,920 --> 00:55:19,799
Speaker 27: social media yet, and so it's we we got it

1239
00:55:19,840 --> 00:55:22,759
Speaker 27: in time to like listen and like be like, yo,

1240
00:55:23,160 --> 00:55:25,360
Speaker 27: we're not letting them have a smartphone. Tell a certain

1241
00:55:25,400 --> 00:55:28,279
Speaker 27: age and what I think it's like we said ninth

1242
00:55:28,280 --> 00:55:29,439
Speaker 27: grade or something like that.

1243
00:55:30,000 --> 00:55:30,480
Speaker 9: I forget.

1244
00:55:30,480 --> 00:55:34,759
Speaker 8: But we made a pact with other parents at the.

1245
00:55:34,719 --> 00:55:40,359
Speaker 27: School and said, let's band together because if one of us,

1246
00:55:40,680 --> 00:55:43,520
Speaker 27: you know, lets our kid have a phone this early,

1247
00:55:43,560 --> 00:55:45,320
Speaker 27: then all the other kids will be like, well she

1248
00:55:45,400 --> 00:55:47,759
Speaker 27: got one or he got one, and so you have

1249
00:55:47,800 --> 00:55:50,720
Speaker 27: to It's called a collection a collective action issue.

1250
00:55:50,920 --> 00:55:53,680
Speaker 8: Wow, and so did you lead this? Did you start this?

1251
00:55:54,000 --> 00:55:56,320
Speaker 9: We did it as a group. Like my wife was involved.

1252
00:55:56,719 --> 00:55:59,279
Speaker 27: She's a Girl Scout mom and so it was her

1253
00:55:59,480 --> 00:56:01,759
Speaker 27: and like a O the girls got moms that started it,

1254
00:56:01,800 --> 00:56:04,320
Speaker 27: and then we did it with the whole third grade,

1255
00:56:04,400 --> 00:56:05,520
Speaker 27: which is our oldest grade.

1256
00:56:05,680 --> 00:56:08,000
Speaker 8: So no phones, yeah, till the ninth grade.

1257
00:56:08,120 --> 00:56:10,040
Speaker 27: Yeah, and then no social media. I think they say

1258
00:56:10,120 --> 00:56:13,760
Speaker 27: until you're like sixteen or something. Wow, no Instagram, no Snap,

1259
00:56:13,960 --> 00:56:16,600
Speaker 27: any of that. And they say you have to be

1260
00:56:16,719 --> 00:56:20,680
Speaker 27: really mindful of group chats because a lot of the

1261
00:56:20,719 --> 00:56:24,120
Speaker 27: group chats are where the bullying happens and like the

1262
00:56:24,960 --> 00:56:28,719
Speaker 27: you know, excluding and ostracizing people, and you just got

1263
00:56:28,760 --> 00:56:30,400
Speaker 27: to be really mindful of all of it. And I

1264
00:56:30,400 --> 00:56:33,200
Speaker 27: think they're learning so much about the effect that it

1265
00:56:33,239 --> 00:56:36,560
Speaker 27: has on kids that we can benefit from all the

1266
00:56:36,640 --> 00:56:40,000
Speaker 27: things that they're learning and the previous generation didn't know.

1267
00:56:40,520 --> 00:56:42,680
Speaker 8: And are your kids pushing back on any of that?

1268
00:56:43,200 --> 00:56:45,520
Speaker 27: No, they're good so far, But I feel like, yeah,

1269
00:56:45,719 --> 00:56:48,200
Speaker 27: wait til Luna is like eleven or twelve, and we'll.

1270
00:56:48,080 --> 00:56:52,240
Speaker 8: See are you prepared to stin Yes, we're gonna be tough.

1271
00:56:53,560 --> 00:56:55,440
Speaker 8: And what is the benefits What do they say to

1272
00:56:55,520 --> 00:56:56,399
Speaker 8: the benefits of that?

1273
00:56:56,480 --> 00:57:01,160
Speaker 27: Well, just like their attention span in class, just reading

1274
00:57:01,200 --> 00:57:04,200
Speaker 27: a book. You know, just think of how there's a

1275
00:57:04,200 --> 00:57:07,200
Speaker 27: whole generation of kids that like it's hard for them

1276
00:57:07,239 --> 00:57:11,120
Speaker 27: to focus on anything like a book a movie because

1277
00:57:11,120 --> 00:57:14,920
Speaker 27: they're so like and like, when your brain is trained

1278
00:57:14,920 --> 00:57:19,160
Speaker 27: to do that, especially at this age, when your brain

1279
00:57:19,200 --> 00:57:22,320
Speaker 27: is still being formed and your habits are being formed,

1280
00:57:22,320 --> 00:57:23,640
Speaker 27: it's it's not a good thing.

1281
00:57:23,800 --> 00:57:24,320
Speaker 20: It's scary.

1282
00:57:25,320 --> 00:57:27,800
Speaker 27: And then the AI thing, like that's a whole nother Yeah.

1283
00:57:27,640 --> 00:57:29,760
Speaker 8: Wear you with that because it's giving me a bit.

1284
00:57:29,880 --> 00:57:31,360
Speaker 8: I love it in so many ways.

1285
00:57:31,360 --> 00:57:34,680
Speaker 2: It's helped me to like projects ideas, helps me kind

1286
00:57:34,680 --> 00:57:36,480
Speaker 2: of like formulate ideas really quickly.

1287
00:57:37,040 --> 00:57:39,080
Speaker 8: I also have a little anxiety about it because it

1288
00:57:39,160 --> 00:57:40,320
Speaker 8: is so fast that.

1289
00:57:41,800 --> 00:57:44,360
Speaker 2: You start to feel that feeling of like I need

1290
00:57:44,400 --> 00:57:44,880
Speaker 2: to be faster.

1291
00:57:45,120 --> 00:57:47,720
Speaker 27: Yeah, And like do you feel like any of our

1292
00:57:47,800 --> 00:57:50,000
Speaker 27: kids going to like read the whole book or they're

1293
00:57:50,000 --> 00:57:52,440
Speaker 27: just going to get AI to tell them what it

1294
00:57:52,520 --> 00:57:54,440
Speaker 27: was about? And are they going to write any more

1295
00:57:54,480 --> 00:57:55,320
Speaker 27: papers themselves?

1296
00:57:55,840 --> 00:57:57,000
Speaker 8: Like but should they too?

1297
00:57:57,200 --> 00:58:00,320
Speaker 27: That's a good question, Like we don't know, we don't

1298
00:58:00,320 --> 00:58:02,000
Speaker 27: know what the like the side effects of all that

1299
00:58:02,040 --> 00:58:04,480
Speaker 27: are going to be on on like one of my

1300
00:58:04,560 --> 00:58:05,640
Speaker 27: kids development.

1301
00:58:05,320 --> 00:58:06,520
Speaker 2: One of my kids was working on some of the

1302
00:58:06,520 --> 00:58:09,200
Speaker 2: things they're not allowed to use AI, and I thought

1303
00:58:09,600 --> 00:58:10,680
Speaker 2: that I don't know.

1304
00:58:10,640 --> 00:58:12,919
Speaker 8: That that's not realistic either, right, but when it's.

1305
00:58:12,840 --> 00:58:15,440
Speaker 2: Not realistic, and I also don't think it's the smartest

1306
00:58:15,440 --> 00:58:19,400
Speaker 2: way to look at it. Because AI is here, it's happening. Yeah,

1307
00:58:19,440 --> 00:58:21,439
Speaker 2: so we can tell that. We could say, hey, don't

1308
00:58:21,520 --> 00:58:23,240
Speaker 2: use that, they're still going to use it. Or we

1309
00:58:23,280 --> 00:58:25,800
Speaker 2: can say, how can you use that smarter? Yes, how

1310
00:58:25,840 --> 00:58:27,840
Speaker 2: can you use that better than everyone else is using?

1311
00:58:28,240 --> 00:58:30,640
Speaker 2: How can you use you know? So, I don't know,

1312
00:58:30,640 --> 00:58:32,680
Speaker 2: it's tricky. I just wonder how you guys managed through that.

1313
00:58:33,120 --> 00:58:35,560
Speaker 27: Well, the kids aren't really on it yet, so but

1314
00:58:35,680 --> 00:58:38,800
Speaker 27: I think by the time they're high in high school, like,

1315
00:58:38,880 --> 00:58:42,600
Speaker 27: it'll be so it'll be so robust and it's be

1316
00:58:42,720 --> 00:58:45,160
Speaker 27: so there that I think that's what teachers are going

1317
00:58:45,200 --> 00:58:47,360
Speaker 27: to end up doing, is saying, well, how do you

1318
00:58:47,480 --> 00:58:51,560
Speaker 27: use this properly in a way that actually stimulates you

1319
00:58:51,640 --> 00:58:54,680
Speaker 27: learning and that you can put your own creative spin

1320
00:58:54,800 --> 00:58:58,320
Speaker 27: on anything and still be like a creative person, but

1321
00:58:58,880 --> 00:59:01,560
Speaker 27: get kind of the extra support from AI.

1322
00:59:01,920 --> 00:59:03,760
Speaker 28: I'm not listen, let me tell you because I know

1323
00:59:03,840 --> 00:59:05,360
Speaker 28: me and be like, oh you hate man. No, I

1324
00:59:05,400 --> 00:59:09,320
Speaker 28: don't hate men. I really love men. I do you

1325
00:59:09,400 --> 00:59:14,400
Speaker 28: motherfuckers are built beautifully. Your dick is beautiful sometimes when

1326
00:59:14,440 --> 00:59:16,440
Speaker 28: you take care of it. You know, when you take

1327
00:59:16,480 --> 00:59:19,720
Speaker 28: care of it. But you know I'm not gonna put

1328
00:59:19,760 --> 00:59:22,080
Speaker 28: up with your shit no more. You know I love

1329
00:59:22,120 --> 00:59:24,680
Speaker 28: ice cream, I can't eat it.

1330
00:59:24,680 --> 00:59:25,760
Speaker 4: It makes my stomach hurt.

1331
00:59:25,840 --> 00:59:30,280
Speaker 28: There's a lot of dairy. So I think you're beautiful,

1332
00:59:30,680 --> 00:59:33,400
Speaker 28: but you full of shit. And you're not gonna ruin

1333
00:59:33,400 --> 00:59:36,360
Speaker 28: my peace, or my time, or my house or my

1334
00:59:36,760 --> 00:59:41,840
Speaker 28: anything anymore. And it's not about me saying I don't

1335
00:59:41,840 --> 00:59:44,720
Speaker 28: need you, because I do. I need you, But what

1336
00:59:44,800 --> 00:59:50,840
Speaker 28: I need is what you need, peace and love and

1337
00:59:51,320 --> 00:59:53,400
Speaker 28: let's take a journey together. But you can't do that

1338
00:59:53,440 --> 00:59:58,880
Speaker 28: if you three steps behind me. And I'm talking about educationally, emotionally, financially,

1339
00:59:59,400 --> 01:00:02,360
Speaker 28: I'm not a sh aim to be rich anymore, which

1340
01:00:02,400 --> 01:00:05,360
Speaker 28: men used to make me feel bad about that. Oh,

1341
01:00:06,040 --> 01:00:09,480
Speaker 28: I can't get you this, but I can't well, then black,

1342
01:00:09,600 --> 01:00:11,920
Speaker 28: because it's not about what you can't give for me,

1343
01:00:12,040 --> 01:00:14,880
Speaker 28: is the fact that you need to tell me that, yeah,

1344
01:00:14,920 --> 01:00:17,400
Speaker 28: because that means that you haven't delved into what I

1345
01:00:17,440 --> 01:00:20,200
Speaker 28: really love. You're a photographer, why wouldn't you go take

1346
01:00:20,240 --> 01:00:22,880
Speaker 28: a picture for me and frame it and say baby,

1347
01:00:22,880 --> 01:00:25,440
Speaker 28: happy birthday, Oh my god.

1348
01:00:25,600 --> 01:00:32,040
Speaker 4: And I'd be like, baby, oh my god, Like do

1349
01:00:32,080 --> 01:00:33,760
Speaker 4: you get what I'm saying? Like men don't.

1350
01:00:34,560 --> 01:00:37,760
Speaker 28: And and then and this is because and men, this

1351
01:00:37,880 --> 01:00:40,960
Speaker 28: is because you come at a different space. You keep

1352
01:00:41,000 --> 01:00:50,080
Speaker 28: throwing that financial ship on us. You know there are

1353
01:00:50,160 --> 01:00:52,480
Speaker 28: chicks out there that's about that, and you know need

1354
01:00:52,520 --> 01:00:54,760
Speaker 28: the money or whatever. But look at women. Really, we

1355
01:00:54,920 --> 01:00:59,560
Speaker 28: surviving because we don't. We can't trust you to do it.

1356
01:01:00,640 --> 01:01:03,000
Speaker 28: So when you say independent women, yeah, I have to

1357
01:01:03,040 --> 01:01:05,680
Speaker 28: be or I'll starve hungry.

1358
01:01:06,040 --> 01:01:07,160
Speaker 4: I'll be hungry as fuck.

1359
01:01:07,880 --> 01:01:11,640
Speaker 28: So like, yeah, I'm independent, But you know it's just

1360
01:01:11,840 --> 01:01:13,120
Speaker 28: y'all got to get y'all shit together.

1361
01:01:13,200 --> 01:01:15,160
Speaker 4: Like we got our shit together when you told us

1362
01:01:15,160 --> 01:01:15,800
Speaker 4: we was crazy.

1363
01:01:15,800 --> 01:01:20,080
Speaker 28: We invented Oprah, you know what I'm saying. But you

1364
01:01:20,200 --> 01:01:23,040
Speaker 28: motherfuckers just stayed on the couch and played the PlayStation

1365
01:01:23,280 --> 01:01:24,520
Speaker 28: just every level that came.

1366
01:01:24,640 --> 01:01:27,000
Speaker 8: Has anybody ever surprised you men?

1367
01:01:27,160 --> 01:01:27,400
Speaker 4: Yes?

1368
01:01:29,280 --> 01:01:30,040
Speaker 8: No?

1369
01:01:31,560 --> 01:01:34,920
Speaker 4: Well I mean my friends. Yeah, you've seen it so

1370
01:01:35,040 --> 01:01:36,640
Speaker 4: I know it exists.

1371
01:01:36,720 --> 01:01:39,520
Speaker 28: Yes, But I'm gonna tell you this, ANGI I may

1372
01:01:39,560 --> 01:01:43,480
Speaker 28: have not been attracting it right because I hadn't got

1373
01:01:43,560 --> 01:01:46,160
Speaker 28: to the other side of myself. Yes, so that may

1374
01:01:46,200 --> 01:01:49,000
Speaker 28: have been. It might it might have been all I

1375
01:01:49,040 --> 01:01:51,040
Speaker 28: can because of my friend. My assistant says it to

1376
01:01:51,080 --> 01:01:52,480
Speaker 28: me all the time. She's like, oh, you know, I

1377
01:01:52,480 --> 01:01:54,280
Speaker 28: think you're about to find a man in New York.

1378
01:01:54,320 --> 01:01:55,640
Speaker 28: And I was like, girl, I lived in New York

1379
01:01:55,760 --> 01:01:58,080
Speaker 28: for so long and I never find She was like, yeah,

1380
01:01:58,120 --> 01:02:01,240
Speaker 28: you youse a different person then, and I was, I

1381
01:02:01,320 --> 01:02:07,280
Speaker 28: was unhealthy mentally, physically, and you have to make yourself

1382
01:02:07,280 --> 01:02:09,919
Speaker 28: the best package like and that said, I tell men too,

1383
01:02:10,000 --> 01:02:12,840
Speaker 28: like why come offering function and then ask me what

1384
01:02:12,880 --> 01:02:15,760
Speaker 28: I bring to the table? And what as a man

1385
01:02:16,400 --> 01:02:19,440
Speaker 28: can you not provide for yourself that I'm supposed to

1386
01:02:19,440 --> 01:02:22,680
Speaker 28: provide for you? Why you asking me what I bring

1387
01:02:22,760 --> 01:02:28,000
Speaker 28: to the table? I ain't asked you what you brought

1388
01:02:28,000 --> 01:02:31,320
Speaker 28: to the table. Do you get what I'm saying? I

1389
01:02:31,400 --> 01:02:34,200
Speaker 28: do cause my shit together? Like you want to fuck

1390
01:02:34,240 --> 01:02:35,480
Speaker 28: with me because my credit?

1391
01:02:35,520 --> 01:02:36,080
Speaker 4: Good son?

1392
01:02:36,520 --> 01:02:39,400
Speaker 2: Wait, you're if you're so different, now, what is that difference?

1393
01:02:39,400 --> 01:02:41,680
Speaker 2: How will you approach the difference? Is that I'm a

1394
01:02:41,720 --> 01:02:42,960
Speaker 2: little bit more.

1395
01:02:46,080 --> 01:02:47,680
Speaker 4: When I get into this age, I'm a little bit

1396
01:02:47,680 --> 01:02:52,439
Speaker 4: more settled with life and not so easy to go.

1397
01:02:53,480 --> 01:02:55,240
Speaker 28: Like I used to get really excited if a guy

1398
01:02:55,280 --> 01:02:57,080
Speaker 28: would even talk to me or give me the num.

1399
01:02:57,160 --> 01:02:59,680
Speaker 4: I'd be like, oh, this my new boyfriend. You know

1400
01:03:00,000 --> 01:03:01,520
Speaker 4: it's like one to one hundred.

1401
01:03:01,600 --> 01:03:03,919
Speaker 28: Yeah, you know you got And I've learned to now

1402
01:03:04,200 --> 01:03:07,000
Speaker 28: just be like, accept people for who they are. When

1403
01:03:07,040 --> 01:03:09,400
Speaker 28: someone tell you who they are, believe them. You know

1404
01:03:09,440 --> 01:03:13,440
Speaker 28: what I'm saying, And my peace is so wonderful. I

1405
01:03:13,520 --> 01:03:16,919
Speaker 28: protect that anyway. So when you protect your peace kind

1406
01:03:16,920 --> 01:03:19,160
Speaker 28: of like those guys stay away from that because you

1407
01:03:19,200 --> 01:03:22,320
Speaker 28: put up such a good guard about yourself, you know.

1408
01:03:22,480 --> 01:03:24,760
Speaker 28: And it can work to a fault too, because some

1409
01:03:24,800 --> 01:03:27,280
Speaker 28: of us be like be like, oh, I don't know

1410
01:03:27,280 --> 01:03:28,920
Speaker 28: if I could talk to her. Well, if you don't

1411
01:03:28,960 --> 01:03:30,560
Speaker 28: know you could talk to me, then you're right. You

1412
01:03:30,600 --> 01:03:32,880
Speaker 28: can't talk to me. Because that's why I won't With

1413
01:03:33,000 --> 01:03:34,800
Speaker 28: the guy that sees that and goes.

1414
01:03:34,840 --> 01:03:37,840
Speaker 4: Nah, I still want to try to talk to her,

1415
01:03:37,840 --> 01:03:38,600
Speaker 4: I don't give a fuck.

1416
01:03:38,840 --> 01:03:40,960
Speaker 28: I like, I'm willing to risk it all, Like I'm

1417
01:03:40,960 --> 01:03:44,000
Speaker 28: willing to risk rejection to fucking talk to this vist

1418
01:03:44,000 --> 01:03:46,760
Speaker 28: because she hot, she fucking got it going on, Like

1419
01:03:46,920 --> 01:03:49,760
Speaker 28: why would you not? And this is another thing. Insecure

1420
01:03:49,800 --> 01:03:52,640
Speaker 28: ass man, Why would you not want a badass bitch?

1421
01:03:52,680 --> 01:03:54,640
Speaker 28: Do you remember back in the day, I know you

1422
01:03:54,680 --> 01:03:57,720
Speaker 28: remember this, Angie. There was maybe a small period of

1423
01:03:57,760 --> 01:04:00,560
Speaker 28: time when men used to brag about their bitch having shit.

1424
01:04:01,240 --> 01:04:04,200
Speaker 28: Oh man, my girl got a motherfucking insurance. She got

1425
01:04:04,200 --> 01:04:10,160
Speaker 28: a four on one. Yeah, my baby got Accura. She

1426
01:04:10,160 --> 01:04:12,960
Speaker 28: she fucking going to work every day, she got fucking

1427
01:04:12,960 --> 01:04:16,360
Speaker 28: groceries and ship. Now that that shit is gone me

1428
01:04:16,440 --> 01:04:18,240
Speaker 28: and is completely fucking and secured.

1429
01:04:18,360 --> 01:04:19,560
Speaker 4: Why what is that?

1430
01:04:20,040 --> 01:04:23,840
Speaker 28: I think it's I think it's just again education, like

1431
01:04:24,480 --> 01:04:28,240
Speaker 28: educating themselves and because when you love yourself, you don't

1432
01:04:28,320 --> 01:04:28,840
Speaker 28: hurt people.

1433
01:04:29,920 --> 01:04:32,200
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, you really? I mean you know what I'm saying.

1434
01:04:32,280 --> 01:04:33,280
Speaker 5: Hurt people, hurt people.

1435
01:04:33,360 --> 01:04:36,920
Speaker 2: We had recently because this comes it's in real life, right,

1436
01:04:36,960 --> 01:04:38,560
Speaker 2: So we talked about real life. And there's been a

1437
01:04:38,560 --> 01:04:40,960
Speaker 2: couple of guests. You say, you have friends that you've

1438
01:04:41,000 --> 01:04:44,240
Speaker 2: seen better versions of it. We had Adrian and Israel

1439
01:04:44,320 --> 01:04:47,120
Speaker 2: on you know her, Adrian whole and she's from the reel.

1440
01:04:47,240 --> 01:04:49,960
Speaker 2: She was on the reel she married. Her husband is

1441
01:04:50,000 --> 01:04:53,080
Speaker 2: the gospel singer. I think I know who you some

1442
01:04:53,360 --> 01:04:55,040
Speaker 2: you know Adrian, she was on the real she was

1443
01:04:55,080 --> 01:04:56,400
Speaker 2: in the Cheetah Girls back in the day.

1444
01:04:56,600 --> 01:04:57,680
Speaker 4: Oh, I know who he's talking about.

1445
01:04:58,360 --> 01:04:58,520
Speaker 3: Yeah.

1446
01:04:58,600 --> 01:05:03,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, she's very happy her husband and she picked she

1447
01:05:03,360 --> 01:05:06,640
Speaker 2: picked somebody equally good for her.

1448
01:05:06,920 --> 01:05:09,680
Speaker 8: She's so fucking happy. So when I see people who

1449
01:05:09,760 --> 01:05:11,040
Speaker 8: got it right, I'm.

1450
01:05:10,840 --> 01:05:13,080
Speaker 4: Always like, what are you doing?

1451
01:05:13,760 --> 01:05:15,600
Speaker 8: How does this? How does this happen?

1452
01:05:15,600 --> 01:05:15,920
Speaker 4: You got it?

1453
01:05:16,000 --> 01:05:18,360
Speaker 28: You know, that's a work to Like my friend, my

1454
01:05:18,400 --> 01:05:22,760
Speaker 28: writer friend, Lenny, beautiful wife happy, he happy, always jokes

1455
01:05:22,800 --> 01:05:25,680
Speaker 28: about her, but he's happy. Oh, I know a lot

1456
01:05:25,720 --> 01:05:30,600
Speaker 28: of people, but they were they fucking work at it,

1457
01:05:30,640 --> 01:05:32,040
Speaker 28: because you really see.

1458
01:05:32,080 --> 01:05:33,200
Speaker 4: And that's the thing too.

1459
01:05:33,160 --> 01:05:35,280
Speaker 28: I think that you know, I'm pretty sure me and

1460
01:05:35,280 --> 01:05:37,040
Speaker 28: you are kind of the same. When we just when

1461
01:05:37,040 --> 01:05:38,919
Speaker 28: we fall in love, we just like fall in love.

1462
01:05:39,560 --> 01:05:42,959
Speaker 28: We don't fall in like mm hmm. We just fall

1463
01:05:43,000 --> 01:05:43,680
Speaker 28: in love.

1464
01:05:44,320 --> 01:05:44,520
Speaker 3: You know.

1465
01:05:44,600 --> 01:05:47,720
Speaker 28: And then when the love ship wears off, we have

1466
01:05:47,880 --> 01:05:50,160
Speaker 28: the like and we're trying to find it's like crack,

1467
01:05:51,000 --> 01:05:51,600
Speaker 28: you know what I'm saying.

1468
01:05:51,600 --> 01:05:53,440
Speaker 4: We spoke that crack and the crack made us so

1469
01:05:53,640 --> 01:05:54,400
Speaker 4: high that night.

1470
01:05:54,440 --> 01:05:57,960
Speaker 28: Girl, everything smoking and trying to get the same high.

1471
01:05:58,240 --> 01:06:02,000
Speaker 28: But you brought the wrong product to do that. This

1472
01:06:02,120 --> 01:06:05,080
Speaker 28: guy was never gonna sustain that high. You gotta get

1473
01:06:05,080 --> 01:06:07,120
Speaker 28: the right product. But that is a thing.

1474
01:06:07,200 --> 01:06:10,000
Speaker 2: So even in that situation, Adriana Israel, she had to

1475
01:06:10,040 --> 01:06:12,160
Speaker 2: have a bad breakup, he had to have a bad

1476
01:06:12,240 --> 01:06:14,320
Speaker 2: divorce that and he had cheated on his wife.

1477
01:06:14,360 --> 01:06:15,320
Speaker 8: He was like, I'm not.

1478
01:06:15,280 --> 01:06:17,200
Speaker 2: A cheater, but I cheated and now here I come

1479
01:06:17,240 --> 01:06:18,960
Speaker 2: and I knew I had to be a different person.

1480
01:06:19,200 --> 01:06:21,960
Speaker 2: So they had to go through their ship. Like how

1481
01:06:22,000 --> 01:06:26,320
Speaker 2: you're saying you no divorce? Now divorce man, dude.

1482
01:06:26,400 --> 01:06:28,400
Speaker 28: I mean those are kind of good ones today because

1483
01:06:28,440 --> 01:06:33,960
Speaker 28: they learned, they hopefully hopefully and they want to try

1484
01:06:33,960 --> 01:06:34,480
Speaker 28: to do better.

1485
01:06:34,640 --> 01:06:35,760
Speaker 8: Eve is happy.

1486
01:06:36,400 --> 01:06:38,040
Speaker 4: Eve Yes.

1487
01:06:38,080 --> 01:06:41,200
Speaker 8: I had her on recently and she was saying she stopped,

1488
01:06:41,360 --> 01:06:42,920
Speaker 8: She's in LA. She was like, I was in LA.

1489
01:06:43,000 --> 01:06:45,280
Speaker 2: I was dating a bunch of guys who were like,

1490
01:06:45,440 --> 01:06:47,840
Speaker 2: let's just see how this goes. She had a whole

1491
01:06:47,840 --> 01:06:50,880
Speaker 2: bunch of situationships that were going nowhere, and she just stopped.

1492
01:06:50,920 --> 01:06:53,480
Speaker 2: She just cut everybody off. She's like, I want something different.

1493
01:06:54,120 --> 01:06:56,480
Speaker 2: And she met her husband and he and he was

1494
01:06:56,640 --> 01:07:00,720
Speaker 2: very honest, very forthcoming, very like didn't play games. And

1495
01:07:00,720 --> 01:07:03,480
Speaker 2: she was like, yes, this this feels good.

1496
01:07:03,600 --> 01:07:04,200
Speaker 4: She made a.

1497
01:07:04,120 --> 01:07:07,640
Speaker 2: Conscious shift about what she was choosing to be in

1498
01:07:07,680 --> 01:07:09,200
Speaker 2: her life, and so she made it.

1499
01:07:09,760 --> 01:07:11,200
Speaker 4: That's the thing, right, it's the shift.

1500
01:07:11,240 --> 01:07:13,440
Speaker 2: It's like the shift knowing what you need, knowing what

1501
01:07:13,600 --> 01:07:15,240
Speaker 2: is going to give you piece of happiness, and then

1502
01:07:15,280 --> 01:07:16,720
Speaker 2: making a decision to go find that.

1503
01:07:16,800 --> 01:07:18,960
Speaker 4: And so I think that that there's something in that.

1504
01:07:19,320 --> 01:07:22,200
Speaker 28: Well, it's also to how we make our other decisions.

1505
01:07:22,280 --> 01:07:24,960
Speaker 28: You know, when you want a piece of state, go

1506
01:07:25,000 --> 01:07:26,600
Speaker 28: get a piece of state. You know what I'm saying,

1507
01:07:26,600 --> 01:07:28,400
Speaker 28: You put that in your conscious. It's the same thing

1508
01:07:28,440 --> 01:07:31,200
Speaker 28: as far as too with men, you know, you know

1509
01:07:31,360 --> 01:07:34,600
Speaker 28: what would like I always ask myself for a man

1510
01:07:34,640 --> 01:07:37,680
Speaker 28: that's like, like you said, equally yoked, one that's not

1511
01:07:37,680 --> 01:07:40,240
Speaker 28: going to get insecure for me. You know, they got

1512
01:07:40,280 --> 01:07:42,680
Speaker 28: his own shit going on, because that's always you know,

1513
01:07:43,040 --> 01:07:46,200
Speaker 28: someone who's self aware and mentally healthy.

1514
01:07:46,880 --> 01:07:48,720
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01:08:35,479 --> 01:08:38,680
Speaker 2: your legendary reward drops. Open up the app today and

1536
01:08:38,720 --> 01:08:41,000
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01:08:41,000 --> 01:08:42,880
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1538
01:08:42,960 --> 01:08:43,559
Speaker 2: nice surprise.

1539
01:08:43,680 --> 01:08:47,360
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1540
01:08:47,400 --> 01:08:50,040
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1541
01:08:49,960 --> 01:08:52,680
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1542
01:08:52,680 --> 01:08:55,719
Speaker 2: the Seminole Tribe of Florida and Florida, offered by Seminal

1543
01:08:55,800 --> 01:08:57,120
Speaker 2: hard Rock Digital LLC.

1544
01:08:57,200 --> 01:08:57,920
Speaker 8: In all other states.

1545
01:08:58,000 --> 01:09:03,400
Speaker 2: Must be twenty one or older and physically present in Arizona, Colorado, Florida, Illinois, Indiana,

1546
01:09:03,439 --> 01:09:05,840
Speaker 2: New Jersey, Ohio, Tennessee, or Virginia to play.

1547
01:09:06,040 --> 01:09:07,080
Speaker 8: Terms and conditions apply.

1548
01:09:07,200 --> 01:09:10,040
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1549
01:09:10,080 --> 01:09:12,599
Speaker 2: admitted in Indiana. If you are someone you know has

1550
01:09:12,600 --> 01:09:15,280
Speaker 2: a gambling problem and wants help, call one eight hundred

1551
01:09:15,280 --> 01:09:18,519
Speaker 2: and nine with it. Gambling problem called one eight hundred

1552
01:09:18,560 --> 01:09:22,839
Speaker 2: gambler in Arizona, Colorado, Illinois, New Jersey, Ohio, Tennessee, Virginia.

1553
01:09:23,280 --> 01:09:30,840
Speaker 7: I was talking to just a friend, friend, and I

1554
01:09:30,880 --> 01:09:34,520
Speaker 7: was trying to come up with a nickname for this friend. Yeah,

1555
01:09:34,560 --> 01:09:38,240
Speaker 7: and I was doing my best, like sending her fire nicknames.

1556
01:09:38,680 --> 01:09:39,439
Speaker 5: She was like no.

1557
01:09:39,680 --> 01:09:41,280
Speaker 29: They got to a point where she wasn't even replying.

1558
01:09:41,320 --> 01:09:43,800
Speaker 29: She was just thumbs down in us, like, first of all,

1559
01:09:43,840 --> 01:09:48,960
Speaker 29: you rude. Second of all, let me ask CHGPT. Hey,

1560
01:09:50,920 --> 01:09:53,040
Speaker 29: it's a friend of mine. I'm trying to come up

1561
01:09:53,040 --> 01:09:55,599
Speaker 29: with a nickname, and all the ideas I'm sending in

1562
01:09:55,680 --> 01:10:00,759
Speaker 29: I hit you mind sending me some horrible horrible.

1563
01:10:01,320 --> 01:10:04,160
Speaker 8: Yeah, but you're but you're you gave it a bad command.

1564
01:10:04,280 --> 01:10:06,800
Speaker 8: You need more, You need more specifics, like this friend

1565
01:10:06,800 --> 01:10:09,799
Speaker 8: of yours, why do they need a nickname? What?

1566
01:10:10,160 --> 01:10:10,640
Speaker 5: Oh me?

1567
01:10:11,280 --> 01:10:13,439
Speaker 8: Yeah? Like you you got to tell Chad, like what

1568
01:10:13,520 --> 01:10:13,800
Speaker 8: is the.

1569
01:10:13,760 --> 01:10:14,960
Speaker 4: Reason behind the nickname?

1570
01:10:15,080 --> 01:10:16,720
Speaker 2: You gotta tell it all that because then it could

1571
01:10:16,720 --> 01:10:19,439
Speaker 2: give you a better answer. What I just was just

1572
01:10:19,479 --> 01:10:22,040
Speaker 2: like this is something just to be charming, Like, hey,

1573
01:10:22,280 --> 01:10:26,000
Speaker 2: I want to be charming with my friend a nickname. Okay,

1574
01:10:26,000 --> 01:10:28,799
Speaker 2: then you have to say this person is like this,

1575
01:10:28,800 --> 01:10:31,000
Speaker 2: this and this and this, and then they'll give you

1576
01:10:31,040 --> 01:10:35,920
Speaker 2: the perfect name around you got.

1577
01:10:34,520 --> 01:10:35,080
Speaker 4: You gotta get.

1578
01:10:35,280 --> 01:10:36,719
Speaker 8: You gotta get your props together.

1579
01:10:37,000 --> 01:10:37,400
Speaker 5: Prompts.

1580
01:10:37,520 --> 01:10:38,599
Speaker 9: Yeah, I gave it a bad promp.

1581
01:10:38,680 --> 01:10:40,519
Speaker 29: You gotta get sometimes, like if it doesn't give me,

1582
01:10:40,720 --> 01:10:42,599
Speaker 29: like I feel like the normal person would just close

1583
01:10:42,640 --> 01:10:44,880
Speaker 29: it and be like, oh it didn't work. I told chat.

1584
01:10:44,920 --> 01:10:49,960
Speaker 29: I was like that I don't like these my bad

1585
01:10:50,040 --> 01:10:51,840
Speaker 29: Like I was just I didn't even ask for more.

1586
01:10:52,200 --> 01:10:54,400
Speaker 29: I was just like these aren't good. Be better, and

1587
01:10:54,439 --> 01:10:55,200
Speaker 29: I closed it out.

1588
01:10:55,560 --> 01:10:57,840
Speaker 4: You have to look inside. Then you have to give

1589
01:10:57,880 --> 01:10:58,599
Speaker 4: better prompts.

1590
01:10:58,960 --> 01:10:59,519
Speaker 9: I gotta get.

1591
01:10:59,640 --> 01:11:01,000
Speaker 8: I thought just gonna say, I just got to get

1592
01:11:01,000 --> 01:11:02,720
Speaker 8: better at nicknames. Give me the damn phone.

1593
01:11:02,800 --> 01:11:03,920
Speaker 4: Let's find one right now for this.

1594
01:11:05,080 --> 01:11:06,160
Speaker 8: But then I got to say that name.

1595
01:11:07,000 --> 01:11:09,760
Speaker 4: No, you don't give me my phone. My phone, you

1596
01:11:09,840 --> 01:11:10,120
Speaker 4: got it.

1597
01:11:10,160 --> 01:11:11,160
Speaker 5: I'm gonna make up a name.

1598
01:11:11,439 --> 01:11:14,960
Speaker 2: This is actually a great exercise, really, yes, because the

1599
01:11:15,000 --> 01:11:17,559
Speaker 2: thing with AI lately too, especially chat GBT, is like

1600
01:11:17,680 --> 01:11:20,800
Speaker 2: people are like halfway in, halfway out. Some people are

1601
01:11:20,800 --> 01:11:23,759
Speaker 2: not even in at all. I just had this conversation

1602
01:11:23,800 --> 01:11:25,920
Speaker 2: with my mother. I was just yelling at my mother, like, yo,

1603
01:11:26,439 --> 01:11:30,600
Speaker 2: don't be that, don't miss the the whole world is changing, like,

1604
01:11:30,760 --> 01:11:33,760
Speaker 2: don't not be with the rest of the world. So

1605
01:11:33,800 --> 01:11:36,360
Speaker 2: we had this conversation anyway, so this may be somebody

1606
01:11:36,360 --> 01:11:39,719
Speaker 2: who's not been using it will be inspired to. Okay,

1607
01:11:39,760 --> 01:11:40,799
Speaker 2: so you need a nickname.

1608
01:11:41,439 --> 01:11:43,040
Speaker 29: I could just make up a name, no, but there

1609
01:11:43,120 --> 01:11:44,760
Speaker 29: was I also wanted it to be a play on

1610
01:11:44,840 --> 01:11:45,519
Speaker 29: their name.

1611
01:11:45,520 --> 01:11:53,040
Speaker 2: Nick name for a friend, special friend, significant friend, a

1612
01:11:53,080 --> 01:11:53,880
Speaker 2: weekend friend.

1613
01:11:57,160 --> 01:12:00,880
Speaker 4: I gotta specify with that. This is a very sneaky

1614
01:12:00,920 --> 01:12:02,600
Speaker 4: way to get in somebody's business.

1615
01:12:03,520 --> 01:12:07,840
Speaker 2: You see what I just did say for a romantic friend,

1616
01:12:09,600 --> 01:12:19,599
Speaker 2: a romantic friend, give me some of that that is

1617
01:12:20,680 --> 01:12:27,560
Speaker 2: come on, is really what tell me her characteristics, her characteristics.

1618
01:12:27,560 --> 01:12:29,880
Speaker 8: Do you know it? I do, but I don't want to.

1619
01:12:30,360 --> 01:12:31,120
Speaker 8: It's just funny.

1620
01:12:31,200 --> 01:12:33,160
Speaker 4: Is she that she likes science, that she like?

1621
01:12:33,280 --> 01:12:38,920
Speaker 8: Hey, she is funny? Okay? Is she shaped like an hourglass?

1622
01:12:41,640 --> 01:12:44,080
Speaker 4: You don't want to you holding on to.

1623
01:12:45,240 --> 01:12:48,639
Speaker 2: This is why chat you don't funk with you because

1624
01:12:48,680 --> 01:12:50,000
Speaker 2: you don't give it no information.

1625
01:12:50,800 --> 01:12:52,400
Speaker 4: I didn't know it it.

1626
01:12:53,320 --> 01:12:56,120
Speaker 8: See these names are terrible, but they don't even know

1627
01:12:56,280 --> 01:12:56,760
Speaker 8: her name.

1628
01:12:57,320 --> 01:13:01,160
Speaker 2: First of all, these are bad because the things here's

1629
01:13:01,160 --> 01:13:04,880
Speaker 2: where I, Here's where I, Here's where I. He thinks

1630
01:13:04,880 --> 01:13:11,240
Speaker 2: it's for me, So it's also it thinks it's me

1631
01:13:11,439 --> 01:13:12,080
Speaker 2: because I have a.

1632
01:13:12,360 --> 01:13:12,680
Speaker 5: I have a.

1633
01:13:13,040 --> 01:13:16,880
Speaker 4: It knows my history, so it wants me to call somebody.

1634
01:13:16,640 --> 01:13:26,080
Speaker 2: Zaddy wants better call him Zaddy or Pooky or Daddy.

1635
01:13:29,240 --> 01:13:33,160
Speaker 4: Or the rest of the sweet thing, love bug.

1636
01:13:33,640 --> 01:13:34,400
Speaker 5: Fire, you know what?

1637
01:13:34,479 --> 01:13:35,120
Speaker 4: You sure a part?

1638
01:13:35,640 --> 01:13:38,840
Speaker 8: These are bad And it's like, let us sit with

1639
01:13:38,960 --> 01:13:41,200
Speaker 8: how bad you know about the fun that my relationship

1640
01:13:41,400 --> 01:13:41,880
Speaker 8: my chat.

1641
01:13:43,000 --> 01:13:48,400
Speaker 30: I also loved the idea of people just seeing men't

1642
01:13:48,479 --> 01:13:51,599
Speaker 30: I can't hide behind anything. Yeah, you have my eyes,

1643
01:13:51,640 --> 01:13:53,040
Speaker 30: you have my nose, you have my mouth. This is

1644
01:13:53,080 --> 01:13:57,040
Speaker 30: what I look like and and I think there's a

1645
01:13:57,080 --> 01:14:00,400
Speaker 30: vulnerability to being like, hey, this is this is.

1646
01:14:00,080 --> 01:14:02,120
Speaker 4: Does anybody in your life have a reaction to this?

1647
01:14:02,200 --> 01:14:03,519
Speaker 8: When you do it? Do you have it?

1648
01:14:04,080 --> 01:14:06,559
Speaker 30: I think my mum was worried a little bit for

1649
01:14:06,640 --> 01:14:09,360
Speaker 30: a small time. It's just like you like, what if

1650
01:14:09,400 --> 01:14:09,960
Speaker 30: you get cold?

1651
01:14:10,000 --> 01:14:11,320
Speaker 16: I was like, I'll wear a hat.

1652
01:14:11,520 --> 01:14:13,160
Speaker 8: Yeah, I get cold. I saw you on said with

1653
01:14:13,200 --> 01:14:14,439
Speaker 8: the little green head. It was good.

1654
01:14:14,680 --> 01:14:17,320
Speaker 30: It's like, this is what it is and I but

1655
01:14:17,400 --> 01:14:20,640
Speaker 30: everyone else is fine. I think they're also used to me,

1656
01:14:20,680 --> 01:14:23,800
Speaker 30: just sort of doing what is right. Yeah, yeah, it's fine.

1657
01:14:23,920 --> 01:14:24,439
Speaker 8: You're an artist.

1658
01:14:24,520 --> 01:14:25,519
Speaker 4: Yeah yeah, yeah, you get away.

1659
01:14:25,640 --> 01:14:27,479
Speaker 8: You can get away with stuff that not everybody could

1660
01:14:27,479 --> 01:14:27,960
Speaker 8: get away with.

1661
01:14:28,120 --> 01:14:28,320
Speaker 4: Well.

1662
01:14:28,360 --> 01:14:31,719
Speaker 30: The thing is, I think it's a rite of passage.

1663
01:14:31,800 --> 01:14:33,960
Speaker 30: I think everyone should shave their head at one point

1664
01:14:34,000 --> 01:14:36,559
Speaker 30: in their lives, just to feel what it's like to

1665
01:14:36,640 --> 01:14:39,559
Speaker 30: have nothing to hide behind, and to just be like,

1666
01:14:39,640 --> 01:14:44,040
Speaker 30: to accept all of you, your flaws, all of the things,

1667
01:14:44,080 --> 01:14:46,160
Speaker 30: whatever your scalp looks like, whatever your face looks like.

1668
01:14:46,320 --> 01:14:48,960
Speaker 30: You see it all, you know. Because hair frames the face,

1669
01:14:49,000 --> 01:14:51,759
Speaker 30: of course it does. We make it to frame the face, yes,

1670
01:14:52,080 --> 01:14:55,479
Speaker 30: and when you take it away, your face is the frame.

1671
01:14:56,800 --> 01:15:00,200
Speaker 30: And I think that that's a very vulnerable thing to

1672
01:15:00,280 --> 01:15:01,080
Speaker 30: be able to do.

1673
01:15:01,880 --> 01:15:02,760
Speaker 4: And I know it.

1674
01:15:03,000 --> 01:15:05,120
Speaker 30: Some like some people are like, why doesn't she have hair?

1675
01:15:05,120 --> 01:15:06,439
Speaker 30: She should have hair, she look with you will look

1676
01:15:06,479 --> 01:15:09,120
Speaker 30: better with hair. But it's also like I don't want it.

1677
01:15:10,160 --> 01:15:12,599
Speaker 8: I want it, Yes, I don't.

1678
01:15:12,760 --> 01:15:15,200
Speaker 30: I don't think I need it, and and I think

1679
01:15:15,240 --> 01:15:17,479
Speaker 30: I'm okay to think I don't need it. And even

1680
01:15:17,520 --> 01:15:19,879
Speaker 30: if you think I do need it, that's also okay.

1681
01:15:20,040 --> 01:15:20,599
Speaker 30: You have it.

1682
01:15:21,080 --> 01:15:21,280
Speaker 31: You know.

1683
01:15:21,600 --> 01:15:23,320
Speaker 30: I love that for you, but I don't want it

1684
01:15:23,320 --> 01:15:25,880
Speaker 30: for me. And I think there's there is a way

1685
01:15:25,880 --> 01:15:28,599
Speaker 30: that I moved through my life now because I don't

1686
01:15:28,640 --> 01:15:31,000
Speaker 30: have hair. That actually, strangely makes me feel so much

1687
01:15:31,000 --> 01:15:34,400
Speaker 30: more confident in who I am because there's nothing to

1688
01:15:34,479 --> 01:15:35,000
Speaker 30: hide behind.

1689
01:15:35,640 --> 01:15:37,240
Speaker 8: You just see me, you know.

1690
01:15:37,400 --> 01:15:38,000
Speaker 4: I love that.

1691
01:15:39,000 --> 01:15:43,320
Speaker 8: I don't. I'm not ready. But before I leave this earth,

1692
01:15:43,520 --> 01:15:45,719
Speaker 8: yeah I have to do that. Please?

1693
01:15:45,880 --> 01:15:46,519
Speaker 4: Do you have to have that?

1694
01:15:46,880 --> 01:15:47,800
Speaker 8: Be your eyebrows? No hair?

1695
01:15:47,880 --> 01:15:50,960
Speaker 4: I mean no hair? Yeah, no, no nothing. I have

1696
01:15:51,000 --> 01:15:51,720
Speaker 4: no eyebrows, you know.

1697
01:15:51,840 --> 01:15:54,839
Speaker 8: Notice, Yeah I don't. It looks like a light eyebrow.

1698
01:15:54,920 --> 01:15:57,880
Speaker 8: You have a light eyebrow. There's nothing there eyebrows.

1699
01:15:57,880 --> 01:15:59,080
Speaker 16: I have no So will you.

1700
01:15:59,040 --> 01:16:03,040
Speaker 8: Shave the eyebrows. I do wow in this morning. I

1701
01:16:03,080 --> 01:16:03,439
Speaker 8: don't know.

1702
01:16:03,400 --> 01:16:06,759
Speaker 2: Everybody's as beautiful with no hair, nor I'm gonna be honest.

1703
01:16:06,800 --> 01:16:08,840
Speaker 8: I have to be honest because I don't know if

1704
01:16:08,840 --> 01:16:10,880
Speaker 8: this works. I don't know if it if it works,

1705
01:16:11,040 --> 01:16:12,519
Speaker 8: I don't know if it works for me. But I

1706
01:16:12,600 --> 01:16:15,000
Speaker 8: want to have that experience at some point in my life.

1707
01:16:15,080 --> 01:16:15,360
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1708
01:16:15,400 --> 01:16:19,040
Speaker 8: Maybe when I'm a little bit older, like less, I

1709
01:16:19,040 --> 01:16:19,439
Speaker 8: don't know.

1710
01:16:19,600 --> 01:16:21,680
Speaker 30: Yeah, but to this day, when you're just like, I

1711
01:16:21,680 --> 01:16:23,360
Speaker 30: don't care, I'm pretty Less, I'm pretty.

1712
01:16:23,439 --> 01:16:25,720
Speaker 4: I'm denomally concerned about what people think.

1713
01:16:25,800 --> 01:16:28,479
Speaker 2: Yeah, but I don't know that I'm all the way there, yeah,

1714
01:16:28,760 --> 01:16:30,240
Speaker 2: all because I don't have a lot of confidence.

1715
01:16:30,280 --> 01:16:31,479
Speaker 8: And what this is going to do for what it

1716
01:16:31,479 --> 01:16:31,800
Speaker 8: looks like.

1717
01:16:32,080 --> 01:16:34,200
Speaker 30: I think you're a beautiful bed, you know what I mean?

1718
01:16:34,240 --> 01:16:36,280
Speaker 30: So I don't it won't. All it will do is

1719
01:16:36,320 --> 01:16:38,000
Speaker 30: make me look at your features even more. You have

1720
01:16:38,000 --> 01:16:41,640
Speaker 30: the most beautiful face. Why wouldn't you know? All do

1721
01:16:41,760 --> 01:16:43,160
Speaker 30: is end up looking into your eyes.

1722
01:16:43,040 --> 01:16:45,360
Speaker 4: Very tempted, very tempting.

1723
01:16:45,880 --> 01:16:48,760
Speaker 30: When you're already okay, but you do think that everybody else.

1724
01:16:48,760 --> 01:16:51,200
Speaker 30: I think everybody once in their life, once in their life.

1725
01:16:51,360 --> 01:16:52,280
Speaker 12: I grew up in the church.

1726
01:16:52,960 --> 01:16:55,960
Speaker 32: My grandparents are pastors, so every summer they'd have like

1727
01:16:56,000 --> 01:16:59,120
Speaker 32: a profit come. So when I was thirteen, I wanted

1728
01:16:59,120 --> 01:17:02,120
Speaker 32: the prophets actually prophesied that I would have a music career.

1729
01:17:02,320 --> 01:17:03,360
Speaker 12: Wow, And I didn't.

1730
01:17:03,439 --> 01:17:05,840
Speaker 32: That's when I was writing poetry and I was like,

1731
01:17:07,000 --> 01:17:09,519
Speaker 32: I want to be a hair stylist. And I was like,

1732
01:17:09,520 --> 01:17:12,080
Speaker 32: what is she talking about? But literally, the things that

1733
01:17:12,160 --> 01:17:15,360
Speaker 32: she prophesies to me at that age has came true,

1734
01:17:15,479 --> 01:17:16,320
Speaker 32: has came to pass.

1735
01:17:16,520 --> 01:17:18,840
Speaker 2: Wow. So it was that you'd be an artist and

1736
01:17:19,920 --> 01:17:23,120
Speaker 2: some other things private things. Yeah, I wonder what that

1737
01:17:23,240 --> 01:17:24,880
Speaker 2: profit sold you. I want to see it.

1738
01:17:28,080 --> 01:17:28,200
Speaker 31: Was.

1739
01:17:28,240 --> 01:17:30,960
Speaker 32: It was very inspirational, but at the time none of

1740
01:17:31,000 --> 01:17:34,040
Speaker 32: us understood, like what is she talking about?

1741
01:17:34,360 --> 01:17:36,560
Speaker 12: But it came to past and I'm doing what she

1742
01:17:36,600 --> 01:17:37,439
Speaker 12: said I would be doing.

1743
01:17:37,760 --> 01:17:40,200
Speaker 8: Wow. Usc it's really hard to get something right.

1744
01:17:40,479 --> 01:17:40,839
Speaker 12: Yeah.

1745
01:17:41,000 --> 01:17:44,120
Speaker 2: And a full scholarship mm hm. So you was like

1746
01:17:44,160 --> 01:17:46,120
Speaker 2: a for real smarty pants like you was.

1747
01:17:46,320 --> 01:17:47,280
Speaker 8: The grades were good?

1748
01:17:48,000 --> 01:17:50,479
Speaker 2: What else were you prepping for that? To get into

1749
01:17:50,479 --> 01:17:52,200
Speaker 2: a school like that is not just good grades.

1750
01:17:52,320 --> 01:17:54,040
Speaker 32: You had to be a railround student. But I was

1751
01:17:54,080 --> 01:17:57,240
Speaker 32: a transfer So I had transferred from San Diego State

1752
01:17:57,800 --> 01:18:01,400
Speaker 32: and essentially what made me a very like well rounded

1753
01:18:02,479 --> 01:18:06,320
Speaker 32: student was the accolades that I had accomplished there, Like

1754
01:18:06,360 --> 01:18:10,000
Speaker 32: I was the first.

1755
01:18:10,600 --> 01:18:13,040
Speaker 12: This is the funniest thing. I'm like, DM, I tell

1756
01:18:13,040 --> 01:18:15,040
Speaker 12: you girl, like you really just be going for the stars.

1757
01:18:15,360 --> 01:18:17,479
Speaker 12: I remember, I was so bored. I was like, you

1758
01:18:17,520 --> 01:18:18,559
Speaker 12: know what, I want.

1759
01:18:18,360 --> 01:18:19,120
Speaker 13: To be the mascot.

1760
01:18:19,880 --> 01:18:20,759
Speaker 8: You were the mascot.

1761
01:18:20,880 --> 01:18:23,320
Speaker 32: So I tried out and I was the first woman

1762
01:18:23,360 --> 01:18:25,240
Speaker 32: that ever tried out to be the mascot. I made

1763
01:18:25,280 --> 01:18:28,040
Speaker 32: the front of the newspaper because I had made it

1764
01:18:28,080 --> 01:18:30,400
Speaker 32: down to like the final two, but they ended up

1765
01:18:30,439 --> 01:18:31,160
Speaker 32: going with a guy.

1766
01:18:31,360 --> 01:18:33,160
Speaker 8: Oh yeah, it's sick.

1767
01:18:33,479 --> 01:18:36,439
Speaker 32: That now crazy, But it was the first time a

1768
01:18:36,479 --> 01:18:37,879
Speaker 32: woman tried out to be the mascot.

1769
01:18:37,920 --> 01:18:39,240
Speaker 8: And why did you want to do that?

1770
01:18:39,320 --> 01:18:42,960
Speaker 12: Because I was bored, girl to do something with my time.

1771
01:18:44,880 --> 01:18:46,840
Speaker 32: And then also one of my friends, her name is

1772
01:18:46,880 --> 01:18:50,400
Speaker 32: Madeia totally she comes from the South, and what she

1773
01:18:50,520 --> 01:18:55,759
Speaker 32: did is she brought over the drill like HBCU dance

1774
01:18:55,840 --> 01:19:00,400
Speaker 32: team genre of dancing to a PCI and it was

1775
01:19:00,439 --> 01:19:03,400
Speaker 32: the first time a PCI had did it in California.

1776
01:19:03,800 --> 01:19:06,439
Speaker 32: So I was a part of the first team that

1777
01:19:07,400 --> 01:19:10,840
Speaker 32: started that type of dancing at a university in California,

1778
01:19:10,920 --> 01:19:14,320
Speaker 32: And when I tell you what was happening.

1779
01:19:14,280 --> 01:19:15,960
Speaker 12: Oh my gosh, I struggled so bad.

1780
01:19:16,120 --> 01:19:16,639
Speaker 33: What do you mean?

1781
01:19:17,960 --> 01:19:20,120
Speaker 12: Yes, I made a retrade off. I said, hey, can

1782
01:19:20,160 --> 01:19:21,960
Speaker 12: you give me private lessons and I'll cook for you.

1783
01:19:24,320 --> 01:19:25,680
Speaker 8: I told you I'm ambitious.

1784
01:19:25,960 --> 01:19:28,120
Speaker 32: I'm like, I'm gonna be a great dancer. I'm like,

1785
01:19:28,160 --> 01:19:31,439
Speaker 32: I don't have it right now, but you know, like

1786
01:19:31,479 --> 01:19:32,160
Speaker 32: I'm gonna be great.

1787
01:19:32,240 --> 01:19:33,200
Speaker 8: Did she go for it? Yeah?

1788
01:19:33,240 --> 01:19:36,040
Speaker 12: She did. I would cook her pestel pasta and she'd.

1789
01:19:35,880 --> 01:19:37,920
Speaker 8: Give you a dance lesson And did you get to

1790
01:19:37,960 --> 01:19:38,400
Speaker 8: be better?

1791
01:19:38,479 --> 01:19:39,120
Speaker 12: Absolutely?

1792
01:19:39,240 --> 01:19:39,519
Speaker 20: Wow?

1793
01:19:39,880 --> 01:19:41,920
Speaker 8: Is there video of this somewhere? Potter? Is there a

1794
01:19:41,960 --> 01:19:42,519
Speaker 8: video of this?

1795
01:19:42,560 --> 01:19:42,720
Speaker 22: Yea.

1796
01:19:43,120 --> 01:19:46,760
Speaker 32: I actually went back last year for homecoming and I

1797
01:19:46,880 --> 01:19:47,799
Speaker 32: danced with the girls.

1798
01:19:47,880 --> 01:19:49,200
Speaker 4: They must love to see you there.

1799
01:19:49,520 --> 01:19:50,280
Speaker 8: What's that like?

1800
01:19:50,840 --> 01:19:54,120
Speaker 32: It was a full circle experience because we all danced

1801
01:19:54,160 --> 01:19:57,320
Speaker 32: to my type. So it's just like here I am

1802
01:19:57,360 --> 01:20:01,120
Speaker 32: performing a song and reminded me of like all the

1803
01:20:01,160 --> 01:20:03,679
Speaker 32: times I was in my dorms writing raps, and it's.

1804
01:20:03,560 --> 01:20:05,160
Speaker 12: Just like wow, like I did what I said I

1805
01:20:05,200 --> 01:20:05,680
Speaker 12: was gonna do.

1806
01:20:05,920 --> 01:20:15,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, what is the thing that you you attribute to you?

1807
01:20:15,760 --> 01:20:18,320
Speaker 2: Both of you just getting to the other side of

1808
01:20:18,320 --> 01:20:20,639
Speaker 2: this and the way that you in the extraordinary way

1809
01:20:20,640 --> 01:20:23,679
Speaker 2: that both of you have, and also just in family,

1810
01:20:23,760 --> 01:20:26,439
Speaker 2: like you are in long term, very long term. You've

1811
01:20:26,439 --> 01:20:27,719
Speaker 2: been married how long now.

1812
01:20:27,840 --> 01:20:30,960
Speaker 34: It's going on twenty sheesh, and you got like, yeah,

1813
01:20:30,960 --> 01:20:32,400
Speaker 34: we got married in twenty eighteen.

1814
01:20:32,200 --> 01:20:33,280
Speaker 8: But you were together a long time.

1815
01:20:33,360 --> 01:20:36,040
Speaker 5: You were Kisha my rock. Yeah for sure.

1816
01:20:36,080 --> 01:20:38,200
Speaker 2: I'm just saying you seem to have figured out how

1817
01:20:38,200 --> 01:20:39,479
Speaker 2: to do healthy family.

1818
01:20:39,960 --> 01:20:42,000
Speaker 34: And both of them named Keisha Epps, which is yeah,

1819
01:20:42,240 --> 01:20:44,240
Speaker 34: that both my wife named Keisha.

1820
01:20:44,439 --> 01:20:45,800
Speaker 8: Come on now, is wild?

1821
01:20:47,920 --> 01:20:50,560
Speaker 4: That's amazing? Yeah, that's amazing.

1822
01:20:51,560 --> 01:20:53,559
Speaker 2: Yeah, So how do you know, like, so, how what

1823
01:20:53,640 --> 01:20:56,360
Speaker 2: do you attribute that to success in that way, especially

1824
01:20:56,520 --> 01:20:58,320
Speaker 2: not being you know, usually have to learn how to

1825
01:20:58,320 --> 01:21:02,960
Speaker 2: be a part, partner, a father, all those things.

1826
01:21:03,640 --> 01:21:07,439
Speaker 35: That's a that's a good question. I mean, I just

1827
01:21:07,479 --> 01:21:14,800
Speaker 35: think it's it's knowing who you are. You know, in

1828
01:21:14,800 --> 01:21:17,519
Speaker 35: our respective ways, we both had what they call grow

1829
01:21:17,600 --> 01:21:18,040
Speaker 35: up fast.

1830
01:21:18,600 --> 01:21:22,680
Speaker 34: I was thinking the same thing I was about to say,

1831
01:21:22,680 --> 01:21:25,320
Speaker 34: because we was popping. We was popping. I'm gonna come clean,

1832
01:21:25,400 --> 01:21:28,400
Speaker 34: I was popping. I was popping, so popping. You know,

1833
01:21:28,439 --> 01:21:33,200
Speaker 34: it's no secret. You know, my first threesome seventh grade.

1834
01:21:33,240 --> 01:21:38,080
Speaker 34: You know, it was not in the seventh grade.

1835
01:21:38,560 --> 01:21:41,120
Speaker 8: How how how old are.

1836
01:21:41,040 --> 01:21:43,320
Speaker 9: People twelve twelve?

1837
01:21:43,360 --> 01:21:46,680
Speaker 34: You know? And girds they invited me in. I don't

1838
01:21:46,720 --> 01:21:47,639
Speaker 34: want to say their name, but.

1839
01:21:47,560 --> 01:21:50,000
Speaker 9: They Yeah, I know.

1840
01:21:50,960 --> 01:21:52,519
Speaker 34: I'm just trying to tell you when you had these

1841
01:21:52,600 --> 01:21:55,160
Speaker 34: kind of experiences so early, you know what I'm saying,

1842
01:21:55,160 --> 01:21:55,720
Speaker 34: Not to say that.

1843
01:21:55,720 --> 01:21:59,120
Speaker 5: You just was you know, you know, the captain of

1844
01:21:59,120 --> 01:22:00,000
Speaker 5: the ship at this time.

1845
01:22:00,120 --> 01:22:03,920
Speaker 34: But I was forced to grow up really really really fast.

1846
01:22:04,000 --> 01:22:06,920
Speaker 34: So to find somebody that you can settle down with

1847
01:22:07,439 --> 01:22:10,320
Speaker 34: or slow down with, it starts to be a goal.

1848
01:22:11,080 --> 01:22:12,799
Speaker 8: You have to get it out of your system first.

1849
01:22:12,840 --> 01:22:16,200
Speaker 34: You think, I don't know, I'm just speaking, you know

1850
01:22:16,240 --> 01:22:21,559
Speaker 34: what I'm saying, And so, yeah, your circumstances, I don't

1851
01:22:21,560 --> 01:22:23,160
Speaker 34: even know if it was about getting out my systems.

1852
01:22:23,160 --> 01:22:27,000
Speaker 34: I met somebody that was super compatible, God fearing and

1853
01:22:27,080 --> 01:22:30,680
Speaker 34: that I would like to help raise my kids with.

1854
01:22:30,760 --> 01:22:31,320
Speaker 34: You know what I'm saying.

1855
01:22:31,400 --> 01:22:32,400
Speaker 9: I had to figure it out.

1856
01:22:33,120 --> 01:22:33,799
Speaker 5: Yeah, I didn't.

1857
01:22:33,880 --> 01:22:37,400
Speaker 35: I never for me, I was not trying to get married.

1858
01:22:37,400 --> 01:22:39,040
Speaker 35: I didn't think marriage was in the cart for me

1859
01:22:40,040 --> 01:22:41,600
Speaker 35: because you know what I'm saying.

1860
01:22:41,400 --> 01:22:43,680
Speaker 4: Because you was young, Omar in the streets.

1861
01:22:43,560 --> 01:22:44,599
Speaker 9: My sniper rifles.

1862
01:22:45,479 --> 01:22:49,160
Speaker 8: My god, don't have running you.

1863
01:22:50,720 --> 01:22:55,559
Speaker 35: Know, but but I just you know, of course I

1864
01:22:55,560 --> 01:22:58,080
Speaker 35: thought about having kids in them, but I didn't know what.

1865
01:22:58,360 --> 01:23:02,320
Speaker 35: You know, you come from sing parents household, like the idea.

1866
01:23:02,000 --> 01:23:04,479
Speaker 34: Of for example, what do you do? What do you use?

1867
01:23:04,680 --> 01:23:07,360
Speaker 34: That's when you think that used to be my excuse

1868
01:23:07,360 --> 01:23:08,599
Speaker 34: and tell like so who who?

1869
01:23:08,920 --> 01:23:09,040
Speaker 8: Who?

1870
01:23:09,479 --> 01:23:10,719
Speaker 9: The person?

1871
01:23:10,760 --> 01:23:11,680
Speaker 22: We? You know?

1872
01:23:12,680 --> 01:23:13,559
Speaker 8: Yeah, you know what I'm saying.

1873
01:23:13,600 --> 01:23:14,040
Speaker 9: But then.

1874
01:23:15,439 --> 01:23:17,680
Speaker 8: Marriage, yeah, like who you know?

1875
01:23:17,960 --> 01:23:20,240
Speaker 34: But it becomes a time where you have to stop

1876
01:23:20,320 --> 01:23:25,000
Speaker 34: using that excuse. And yeah, I mean, I don't know

1877
01:23:25,040 --> 01:23:26,840
Speaker 34: if it's an excuse, it's the truth. It's some truth

1878
01:23:26,880 --> 01:23:30,640
Speaker 34: in it to be like Obam.

1879
01:23:31,520 --> 01:23:34,479
Speaker 20: We didn't have that though you look like we didn't

1880
01:23:34,560 --> 01:23:35,479
Speaker 20: have Obam were like.

1881
01:23:37,760 --> 01:23:38,920
Speaker 9: The Cosbys ain't real.

1882
01:23:39,520 --> 01:23:43,000
Speaker 34: It's like right, ain't neither one of our parents together

1883
01:23:43,280 --> 01:23:47,160
Speaker 34: either one even talk to the parent that they had

1884
01:23:47,439 --> 01:23:49,800
Speaker 34: you you know, so it is like, man, you have

1885
01:23:49,920 --> 01:23:51,679
Speaker 34: to jump out on faith.

1886
01:23:51,960 --> 01:23:54,200
Speaker 35: I could say something to though, you know, it's a

1887
01:23:54,240 --> 01:23:56,840
Speaker 35: tribute to our women, like we got some dope women,

1888
01:23:57,400 --> 01:23:59,160
Speaker 35: you know what I mean. I think when you find

1889
01:23:59,160 --> 01:24:02,040
Speaker 35: a dope, but like she just and she fight through

1890
01:24:02,080 --> 01:24:07,040
Speaker 35: it to be with you, Like with you you when

1891
01:24:07,080 --> 01:24:10,200
Speaker 35: you outside, you can see that clear as they like,

1892
01:24:10,280 --> 01:24:13,840
Speaker 35: oh nah, that's that's special. And then I think the foundation,

1893
01:24:14,360 --> 01:24:19,040
Speaker 35: you know, is that friendship. You know, that's an overused,

1894
01:24:19,280 --> 01:24:21,880
Speaker 35: understated word right there.

1895
01:24:21,920 --> 01:24:22,679
Speaker 9: That's friendship.

1896
01:24:23,400 --> 01:24:26,320
Speaker 35: Yeah, like yo, yo, that's my homie. Like that's not

1897
01:24:26,479 --> 01:24:29,719
Speaker 35: just this title wife or whatever, like that's my girl.

1898
01:24:29,800 --> 01:24:31,839
Speaker 10: Like I like, I like hanging.

1899
01:24:31,640 --> 01:24:34,360
Speaker 35: Out with my you know what I mean, Like we laugh,

1900
01:24:34,560 --> 01:24:38,160
Speaker 35: we we do everything together like that. That and to

1901
01:24:38,280 --> 01:24:40,840
Speaker 35: have that as also obviously like your lover. But then

1902
01:24:41,280 --> 01:24:44,080
Speaker 35: will change itself like the matriarch, like once you start

1903
01:24:44,120 --> 01:24:45,320
Speaker 35: having children.

1904
01:24:45,520 --> 01:24:47,040
Speaker 5: And it's like I.

1905
01:24:47,000 --> 01:24:48,880
Speaker 35: Try to tell these young casts, like yo, when you

1906
01:24:48,920 --> 01:24:52,760
Speaker 35: make that decision, you should think, God forbid if something

1907
01:24:52,800 --> 01:24:54,800
Speaker 35: happened to you, is at the woman you want raising

1908
01:24:54,840 --> 01:24:59,120
Speaker 35: your kids. When you think like that, it's your whole perspective.

1909
01:24:59,400 --> 01:25:02,080
Speaker 35: You talk about wiring, you'd be like oh yeah, yeah, yeah,

1910
01:25:02,120 --> 01:25:06,360
Speaker 35: that list is real tiny, you know what, and you

1911
01:25:06,360 --> 01:25:09,880
Speaker 35: you know, I think we've been blessed, like you know,

1912
01:25:10,000 --> 01:25:10,800
Speaker 35: both of us, you know.

1913
01:25:10,760 --> 01:25:11,120
Speaker 20: What I mean?

1914
01:25:11,200 --> 01:25:11,880
Speaker 4: Yeah, for sure.

1915
01:25:12,080 --> 01:25:15,000
Speaker 1: To some guys, playing with a girl's heart is like

1916
01:25:15,400 --> 01:25:18,240
Speaker 1: so it's not a big deal, but it's the karma

1917
01:25:18,280 --> 01:25:20,040
Speaker 1: that comes to you. So if you're having a bad

1918
01:25:20,120 --> 01:25:22,920
Speaker 1: day at your job, if you're having a bad day,

1919
01:25:23,000 --> 01:25:25,080
Speaker 1: like it's like, damn, my luck has been bad, it's

1920
01:25:25,120 --> 01:25:29,160
Speaker 1: because you probably put a girl through some tears. So

1921
01:25:29,200 --> 01:25:33,680
Speaker 1: don't play mind games because karma. You some men that

1922
01:25:33,920 --> 01:25:36,320
Speaker 1: they don't think that, they don't think they get bad karma.

1923
01:25:36,320 --> 01:25:37,519
Speaker 13: When you hurt somebody's heart.

1924
01:25:38,360 --> 01:25:40,200
Speaker 8: Oh that's good. People should hear that.

1925
01:25:40,280 --> 01:25:44,040
Speaker 2: You may say it again, Yes, like you know, Charlottage

1926
01:25:44,080 --> 01:25:45,920
Speaker 2: says that he says because he treated on his wife

1927
01:25:46,080 --> 01:25:47,760
Speaker 2: and he was a cheater for a long time that

1928
01:25:47,840 --> 01:25:50,400
Speaker 2: he stopped. He knows the date that the last time,

1929
01:25:50,479 --> 01:25:52,240
Speaker 2: and he changed his life. And he said his life

1930
01:25:52,280 --> 01:25:55,240
Speaker 2: has changed so much more positive. He's has so many

1931
01:25:55,240 --> 01:25:57,600
Speaker 2: more blessings since he became a good husband. Yes, the

1932
01:25:58,080 --> 01:26:01,240
Speaker 2: second that you become a good person to your wife,

1933
01:26:01,720 --> 01:26:02,880
Speaker 2: your life flourishes.

1934
01:26:03,280 --> 01:26:06,680
Speaker 1: Yes, Because it's like you're hurting somebody, and I don't

1935
01:26:06,680 --> 01:26:11,160
Speaker 1: think people understand how bad is that pain when you

1936
01:26:11,280 --> 01:26:14,720
Speaker 1: hurt somebody that loves you, and it might not be

1937
01:26:14,800 --> 01:26:17,120
Speaker 1: your wife, It just might be a girl that you

1938
01:26:17,120 --> 01:26:20,120
Speaker 1: probably was playing mind games with and you made them

1939
01:26:20,120 --> 01:26:22,479
Speaker 1: feel like you love them, and it's like you rip

1940
01:26:22,600 --> 01:26:25,360
Speaker 1: that love from them, and it's like God would make

1941
01:26:25,400 --> 01:26:28,000
Speaker 1: you pay for that, So don't bring that bad karma

1942
01:26:28,000 --> 01:26:32,559
Speaker 1: into you boy. And I'm gonna mind my business. But

1943
01:26:32,880 --> 01:26:34,519
Speaker 1: if you bring a girl to my house and that's

1944
01:26:34,560 --> 01:26:36,960
Speaker 1: your girlfriend and you bring another bitch, I'm a grill

1945
01:26:37,040 --> 01:26:41,840
Speaker 1: heer and be like, I ain't gonna be messy because

1946
01:26:41,840 --> 01:26:44,280
Speaker 1: they ain't my place. But i'm a girlher like you

1947
01:26:44,360 --> 01:26:54,439
Speaker 1: ain't my son's girlfriend. I don't know what's gonna happen.

1948
01:26:56,800 --> 01:26:59,840
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I wasn't even raised with.

1949
01:27:00,720 --> 01:27:01,400
Speaker 13: It's kind of weird.

1950
01:27:01,479 --> 01:27:03,640
Speaker 2: And you're trying to figure it out and you're like,

1951
01:27:03,920 --> 01:27:05,680
Speaker 2: I mean, you're not really a single mom because you

1952
01:27:05,680 --> 01:27:06,400
Speaker 2: have a family and.

1953
01:27:06,479 --> 01:27:09,800
Speaker 8: Your help and yeah whatever, but like it's still your kids.

1954
01:27:10,040 --> 01:27:14,719
Speaker 1: It's your kids, your kids, even if the dad was around,

1955
01:27:14,760 --> 01:27:18,120
Speaker 1: it's like, it's still your kids. It's fine though.

1956
01:27:20,640 --> 01:27:21,840
Speaker 8: I think I think.

1957
01:27:21,720 --> 01:27:25,719
Speaker 2: Most mothers, whether they married, divorce, whatever, most mothers feel

1958
01:27:25,760 --> 01:27:27,759
Speaker 2: like those are actually my kids.

1959
01:27:27,840 --> 01:27:31,960
Speaker 1: Yes, kids, It's like, okay.

1960
01:27:31,360 --> 01:27:33,760
Speaker 4: I'm glad you're here, but these are my kids. Yeah

1961
01:27:33,800 --> 01:27:34,320
Speaker 4: for sure.

1962
01:27:35,520 --> 01:27:37,080
Speaker 2: After I did my book, I told her because mine

1963
01:27:37,120 --> 01:27:39,160
Speaker 2: was like eight years ago, but I told everybody should

1964
01:27:39,160 --> 01:27:41,240
Speaker 2: write their own, like book or memoir.

1965
01:27:40,960 --> 01:27:43,280
Speaker 36: Because it forces you to look at your whole life.

1966
01:27:43,080 --> 01:27:45,280
Speaker 2: And then you see even if you never put it out,

1967
01:27:45,280 --> 01:27:47,400
Speaker 2: even if you write it for yourself, like, look at

1968
01:27:47,400 --> 01:27:49,040
Speaker 2: your life, I agree with because you see.

1969
01:27:48,880 --> 01:27:49,679
Speaker 10: Things that you did.

1970
01:27:49,960 --> 01:27:51,920
Speaker 4: Oh, I did, That's the same thing.

1971
01:27:52,000 --> 01:27:55,080
Speaker 2: So many you just start seeing it from up above, right,

1972
01:27:55,400 --> 01:27:56,559
Speaker 2: and you learn something you do.

1973
01:27:56,680 --> 01:27:57,960
Speaker 37: You know, I tell a lot of stories, but I

1974
01:27:58,000 --> 01:28:01,479
Speaker 37: also take a lot of accountability as well, and that's

1975
01:28:01,479 --> 01:28:03,400
Speaker 37: really kind of what it's about. It's like your lessons

1976
01:28:03,400 --> 01:28:05,200
Speaker 37: and then what did you do and what did you

1977
01:28:05,280 --> 01:28:07,000
Speaker 37: learn about yourself at that time?

1978
01:28:07,200 --> 01:28:08,799
Speaker 8: What did you learned about yourself in general?

1979
01:28:09,120 --> 01:28:09,519
Speaker 9: Oh?

1980
01:28:09,600 --> 01:28:13,600
Speaker 37: I learned that it's okay to show up as me

1981
01:28:14,479 --> 01:28:17,280
Speaker 37: and whatever I have to give for that day, you know.

1982
01:28:17,439 --> 01:28:19,559
Speaker 37: I mean, I'm just saying, and I know that day

1983
01:28:19,680 --> 01:28:21,400
Speaker 37: it's okay to say no.

1984
01:28:22,120 --> 01:28:24,000
Speaker 8: And I don't know.

1985
01:28:24,080 --> 01:28:27,759
Speaker 37: I'm just very into showing up as my best self

1986
01:28:27,800 --> 01:28:29,080
Speaker 37: and protecting my mental.

1987
01:28:28,800 --> 01:28:31,400
Speaker 4: Health at all costs because I have.

1988
01:28:31,320 --> 01:28:33,960
Speaker 37: A twelve year old son and if I'm not present

1989
01:28:34,040 --> 01:28:36,120
Speaker 37: for him, then I've completely let him down.

1990
01:28:36,520 --> 01:28:39,320
Speaker 4: What is the number one way you do that. I'm

1991
01:28:39,360 --> 01:28:40,960
Speaker 4: in therapy a few times a week.

1992
01:28:41,000 --> 01:28:42,920
Speaker 8: Therapy is a good place to start. A few times

1993
01:28:42,960 --> 01:28:43,519
Speaker 8: a week.

1994
01:28:43,360 --> 01:28:44,920
Speaker 37: A few times a week, and I have the Holy

1995
01:28:44,920 --> 01:28:47,559
Speaker 37: Ghost and I have no I'm serious.

1996
01:28:47,600 --> 01:28:49,440
Speaker 36: I know think people think that's funny.

1997
01:28:49,240 --> 01:28:52,080
Speaker 37: But the truth is that is the perfect cocktail, because

1998
01:28:52,479 --> 01:28:54,720
Speaker 37: I have found one does not work without the other.

1999
01:28:57,080 --> 01:29:00,960
Speaker 8: It doesn't, it doesn't, but together it's a thing.

2000
01:29:01,040 --> 01:29:01,880
Speaker 9: It's a cocktail.

2001
01:29:03,800 --> 01:29:04,439
Speaker 8: In church.

2002
01:29:04,800 --> 01:29:08,040
Speaker 36: I don't know about church, just because I don't.

2003
01:29:08,479 --> 01:29:09,920
Speaker 8: I'm a person I don't go to church.

2004
01:29:10,360 --> 01:29:11,960
Speaker 4: You know, it's not either.

2005
01:29:12,080 --> 01:29:13,200
Speaker 8: It's not a relationship.

2006
01:29:13,200 --> 01:29:15,519
Speaker 37: It's about my relationship with him. And I didn't find

2007
01:29:15,560 --> 01:29:16,840
Speaker 37: that until a couple of years ago.

2008
01:29:18,280 --> 01:29:18,760
Speaker 8: How is that.

2009
01:29:18,720 --> 01:29:22,280
Speaker 2: Possible because you've always said you've always spoken about.

2010
01:29:22,200 --> 01:29:25,200
Speaker 37: Well, that's what I thought that he should be, or

2011
01:29:25,280 --> 01:29:29,120
Speaker 37: thought that it was through the teachings of my family

2012
01:29:29,520 --> 01:29:31,600
Speaker 37: and through church. But I didn't really get to know

2013
01:29:31,680 --> 01:29:33,479
Speaker 37: him from myself until a couple of years ago.

2014
01:29:33,479 --> 01:29:35,120
Speaker 2: Say you to that time though, when you were saying,

2015
01:29:35,160 --> 01:29:39,200
Speaker 2: like you learned how to like even in your relationship,

2016
01:29:39,240 --> 01:29:43,120
Speaker 2: how like you were shedding the hard girl Because listen

2017
01:29:43,160 --> 01:29:46,040
Speaker 2: to Hard Girl show. We know too many people know

2018
01:29:46,160 --> 01:29:48,320
Speaker 2: what we are talking about that we don't even have

2019
01:29:48,400 --> 01:29:51,160
Speaker 2: to get specific about what it is. They know what

2020
01:29:51,200 --> 01:29:56,439
Speaker 2: it is. So when you're taking that shell off, I

2021
01:29:56,479 --> 01:29:59,719
Speaker 2: don't know what is the scariest part of it, what

2022
01:29:59,720 --> 01:30:00,839
Speaker 2: what helps to land?

2023
01:30:01,320 --> 01:30:04,240
Speaker 38: Just honestly being I think we're all scared of really

2024
01:30:04,280 --> 01:30:09,720
Speaker 38: being seen vulnerably. It's the vulnerability say the word, we

2025
01:30:09,880 --> 01:30:10,639
Speaker 38: say the word.

2026
01:30:11,080 --> 01:30:11,559
Speaker 8: I don't know.

2027
01:30:11,960 --> 01:30:18,960
Speaker 38: I've never been really comfortable with her, you know, and

2028
01:30:19,040 --> 01:30:20,080
Speaker 38: that is scary.

2029
01:30:20,240 --> 01:30:21,959
Speaker 8: That is so scary.

2030
01:30:22,160 --> 01:30:25,040
Speaker 38: And just like you know, sometimes you want to be

2031
01:30:25,080 --> 01:30:27,400
Speaker 38: a mess, but you look like is it gonna land right?

2032
01:30:28,200 --> 01:30:28,400
Speaker 22: You know?

2033
01:30:28,600 --> 01:30:30,960
Speaker 16: And I do again. You know, I'm I'm.

2034
01:30:30,840 --> 01:30:34,280
Speaker 38: Lucky because I mean, my husband is very British, so

2035
01:30:34,320 --> 01:30:37,320
Speaker 38: he can definitely be dry and cold child. There's times

2036
01:30:37,360 --> 01:30:39,720
Speaker 38: where I'm like, you are so damn friend, But then

2037
01:30:39,800 --> 01:30:42,920
Speaker 38: there are times when I'm really he surprises me and

2038
01:30:43,160 --> 01:30:45,760
Speaker 38: I feel like that helps. And then again, the other

2039
01:30:45,800 --> 01:30:48,960
Speaker 38: thing that I discovered is really leaning back into my

2040
01:30:49,000 --> 01:30:52,600
Speaker 38: friendships because I lost a lot of that traveling and

2041
01:30:52,680 --> 01:30:55,439
Speaker 38: being on the road, Like you know, you don't really

2042
01:30:55,720 --> 01:30:58,080
Speaker 38: have those connections my family, Like this time on the

2043
01:30:58,120 --> 01:31:01,679
Speaker 38: road is you know, I'm on tour my baby, which

2044
01:31:01,760 --> 01:31:05,280
Speaker 38: is crazy but amazing. My brother is on tour with me,

2045
01:31:05,439 --> 01:31:08,000
Speaker 38: my mother's coming on tour with me like I would

2046
01:31:08,040 --> 01:31:10,519
Speaker 38: have never. I would have never back then I couldn't

2047
01:31:10,520 --> 01:31:13,320
Speaker 38: even think of that. But now I'm like I want

2048
01:31:13,360 --> 01:31:16,519
Speaker 38: them with me. I kind of crave it, you know.

2049
01:31:16,760 --> 01:31:21,000
Speaker 38: So that helps as well. I think you know, people

2050
01:31:21,040 --> 01:31:25,200
Speaker 38: who kind of hold up this strong wall or this

2051
01:31:25,320 --> 01:31:27,320
Speaker 38: strong like sense of self.

2052
01:31:28,560 --> 01:31:29,240
Speaker 16: You forget that.

2053
01:31:29,360 --> 01:31:32,439
Speaker 38: You hopefully have people you can kind of be like, yo,

2054
01:31:32,520 --> 01:31:33,960
Speaker 38: I kind of just I just want to talk.

2055
01:31:34,000 --> 01:31:36,040
Speaker 16: I just want to giggle. I just want to hang out,

2056
01:31:36,280 --> 01:31:36,840
Speaker 16: you know what I mean?

2057
01:31:37,280 --> 01:31:38,640
Speaker 8: What is the key to that? To like long Do

2058
01:31:38,680 --> 01:31:40,200
Speaker 8: you have a lot of long term friends like friends?

2059
01:31:40,280 --> 01:31:40,479
Speaker 8: I do?

2060
01:31:41,240 --> 01:31:41,479
Speaker 10: Yeah?

2061
01:31:41,640 --> 01:31:41,680
Speaker 2: Do.

2062
01:31:41,800 --> 01:31:43,880
Speaker 38: I actually saw last night one of my friends who

2063
01:31:43,920 --> 01:31:45,439
Speaker 38: I haven't seen in a long time, but I've known

2064
01:31:45,479 --> 01:31:47,840
Speaker 38: her since we were like eleven, Like she came and

2065
01:31:47,880 --> 01:31:48,640
Speaker 38: saw me last night.

2066
01:31:48,720 --> 01:31:52,320
Speaker 16: I was the best thing, like so nice. The last

2067
01:31:52,320 --> 01:31:53,559
Speaker 16: few shows I've been seeing people.

2068
01:31:54,520 --> 01:31:56,600
Speaker 38: I have some friends that now will just because you know,

2069
01:31:56,680 --> 01:31:58,960
Speaker 38: we got we're older, now we got baby. Some of

2070
01:31:59,000 --> 01:32:02,200
Speaker 38: us got baby. I have some new mom friends. That's

2071
01:32:02,200 --> 01:32:05,320
Speaker 38: a whole of the Yo. It's like a sitcom.

2072
01:32:06,000 --> 01:32:06,920
Speaker 8: It's like as they come.

2073
01:32:07,040 --> 01:32:09,720
Speaker 38: And because I'm in London as well, so I'm the

2074
01:32:09,760 --> 01:32:12,520
Speaker 38: only mom, like me, it's a nursery.

2075
01:32:13,320 --> 01:32:15,960
Speaker 16: There's not many rappers walking through the door.

2076
01:32:17,240 --> 01:32:19,560
Speaker 4: So yeah, that's a whole other thing, but that is

2077
01:32:20,120 --> 01:32:20,360
Speaker 4: the way.

2078
01:32:20,400 --> 01:32:23,719
Speaker 38: It's a listen, it's crazy, but at the same time

2079
01:32:24,120 --> 01:32:27,519
Speaker 38: it's almost like wow because being a mom, I also

2080
01:32:27,640 --> 01:32:30,840
Speaker 38: I have discovered it's the best thing. Especially in the

2081
01:32:30,880 --> 01:32:35,120
Speaker 38: early times. It's the it's the loneliest, busiest time of

2082
01:32:35,160 --> 01:32:39,280
Speaker 38: your life. What because I feel like you're so insulated

2083
01:32:39,320 --> 01:32:43,000
Speaker 38: with this little person and you're doing this thing you've

2084
01:32:43,040 --> 01:32:48,160
Speaker 38: never done before, and you the baby's NonStop. But really

2085
01:32:48,200 --> 01:32:50,760
Speaker 38: it's just you and that baby in the house or

2086
01:32:50,840 --> 01:32:52,320
Speaker 38: walking around the street, walking around the.

2087
01:32:52,320 --> 01:32:53,559
Speaker 16: Block, even if people coming in out.

2088
01:32:53,600 --> 01:32:55,240
Speaker 38: I mean, if you're lucky enough to like have a

2089
01:32:55,280 --> 01:32:57,800
Speaker 38: whole ton of family like me I was obviously in London,

2090
01:32:57,800 --> 01:33:01,280
Speaker 38: no family whatever. I just feel like it's really also

2091
01:33:01,360 --> 01:33:06,559
Speaker 38: you're vulnerable. You the most vulnerable, the most vulnerable. You

2092
01:33:06,640 --> 01:33:07,719
Speaker 38: don't know what you're doing.

2093
01:33:07,760 --> 01:33:11,400
Speaker 16: They let you leave with this human child at the

2094
01:33:11,479 --> 01:33:14,639
Speaker 16: three days in the hospital and you're like, ain't nobody

2095
01:33:14,720 --> 01:33:15,519
Speaker 16: coming with us?

2096
01:33:15,560 --> 01:33:19,800
Speaker 8: Like this is literally the day we know that. Well,

2097
01:33:19,840 --> 01:33:20,320
Speaker 8: I said, they're just.

2098
01:33:20,320 --> 01:33:20,960
Speaker 12: Gonna let us leave.

2099
01:33:20,960 --> 01:33:23,519
Speaker 38: My husband's like, it's our child like, yes, like we

2100
01:33:24,240 --> 01:33:25,320
Speaker 38: have to take our child home.

2101
01:33:25,560 --> 01:33:27,120
Speaker 4: And I was like, oh my god.

2102
01:33:27,479 --> 01:33:28,280
Speaker 16: Like it's a good grace.

2103
01:33:28,800 --> 01:33:31,240
Speaker 8: I'm gonna mess this up, mess this up.

2104
01:33:31,840 --> 01:33:32,519
Speaker 20: That's so funny.

2105
01:33:32,520 --> 01:33:35,439
Speaker 8: But he has had kids before. Yes, it's different, it's

2106
01:33:35,479 --> 01:33:37,160
Speaker 8: a bit of no, but it ain't.

2107
01:33:37,280 --> 01:33:39,000
Speaker 16: I was like, how did you have four kids before?

2108
01:33:39,000 --> 01:33:42,640
Speaker 38: It's because his it's been years since he's done the

2109
01:33:42,800 --> 01:33:47,120
Speaker 38: infant thing, like all my bonus kids are all down twenties,

2110
01:33:47,200 --> 01:33:50,200
Speaker 38: teenage and then then they were teenage and whatever. So

2111
01:33:50,240 --> 01:33:53,800
Speaker 38: he was just like, wow, this is a lie. I

2112
01:33:53,840 --> 01:33:55,360
Speaker 38: was like, don't you know how to do this? I

2113
01:33:55,400 --> 01:34:01,480
Speaker 38: was counting on you, Like but yeah, it's a crazy time. Yeah,

2114
01:34:01,600 --> 01:34:04,719
Speaker 38: but you're probably a great mom, and you are.

2115
01:34:04,880 --> 01:34:07,800
Speaker 16: I am a mother mother, I am a helicopter mother.

2116
01:34:08,000 --> 01:34:08,720
Speaker 8: I am one of them.

2117
01:34:09,080 --> 01:34:11,280
Speaker 16: Kid this boy, I'm trying not to make him a

2118
01:34:11,320 --> 01:34:12,120
Speaker 16: spoil brat.

2119
01:34:12,120 --> 01:34:16,599
Speaker 8: But is it happening? How you doing with that?

2120
01:34:16,680 --> 01:34:17,400
Speaker 4: I'm doing?

2121
01:34:17,520 --> 01:34:18,960
Speaker 8: It's not good.

2122
01:34:18,240 --> 01:34:20,520
Speaker 4: It's I'm not succeeding.

2123
01:34:21,560 --> 01:34:21,920
Speaker 18: He is.

2124
01:34:22,160 --> 01:34:26,760
Speaker 38: But he's the best thing, Like he truly truly is

2125
01:34:26,800 --> 01:34:29,240
Speaker 38: my homeboy, like my best the bestie, bestie.

2126
01:34:29,520 --> 01:34:31,800
Speaker 16: And he makes me laugh like that's great.

2127
01:34:32,160 --> 01:34:34,719
Speaker 8: What is what is motherhood taught. What was the biggest

2128
01:34:34,760 --> 01:34:37,559
Speaker 8: best lesson you've learned so far about motherhood. Oh, that's

2129
01:34:37,600 --> 01:34:38,240
Speaker 8: a good question.

2130
01:34:38,600 --> 01:34:44,120
Speaker 38: Best lesson I've learned so far about motherhood?

2131
01:34:44,280 --> 01:34:45,960
Speaker 16: No, you know what, I think.

2132
01:34:46,800 --> 01:34:49,479
Speaker 13: It's a it's it's a teacher. It teaches you.

2133
01:34:50,400 --> 01:34:52,680
Speaker 38: I think I feel like he's my little Tea's like

2134
01:34:52,720 --> 01:34:57,559
Speaker 38: my teacher in a way, because again, like I don't

2135
01:34:57,600 --> 01:35:00,479
Speaker 38: want to carry things into the way I raise him

2136
01:35:00,520 --> 01:35:03,599
Speaker 38: the way I was raised. But when certain things happen,

2137
01:35:03,760 --> 01:35:06,040
Speaker 38: like if there's a tantrum or something, I find myself

2138
01:35:06,080 --> 01:35:07,240
Speaker 38: going back to what I know.

2139
01:35:07,320 --> 01:35:09,360
Speaker 16: If I'm I grew up in a screamy.

2140
01:35:08,920 --> 01:35:11,840
Speaker 38: Household like you know, and I grew up in a

2141
01:35:11,840 --> 01:35:13,840
Speaker 38: adult because I said so kind of thing, you know,

2142
01:35:15,400 --> 01:35:16,760
Speaker 38: which I feel like you do need a little bit

2143
01:35:16,800 --> 01:35:18,599
Speaker 38: of that because they need to respect you. But I

2144
01:35:18,680 --> 01:35:21,479
Speaker 38: also want you know, I'm never gonna be a gentle parent.

2145
01:35:21,640 --> 01:35:23,120
Speaker 38: I don't think that's for me and I don't think

2146
01:35:23,120 --> 01:35:25,280
Speaker 38: that's for him. But I want to find a common

2147
01:35:25,840 --> 01:35:27,720
Speaker 38: ground because I want my kids to be able to

2148
01:35:27,760 --> 01:35:28,719
Speaker 38: come to me with stuff.

2149
01:35:29,400 --> 01:35:31,120
Speaker 16: So I think he's just he's my little teacher.

2150
01:35:31,479 --> 01:35:34,559
Speaker 4: Oh I love that, man. What about marriage?

2151
01:35:34,600 --> 01:35:35,439
Speaker 8: What have you learned about that?

2152
01:35:35,439 --> 01:35:39,400
Speaker 16: You said eleven eleven years, right, you've been eleven years married. Yeah,

2153
01:35:39,560 --> 01:35:40,800
Speaker 16: that is child.

2154
01:35:41,200 --> 01:35:46,920
Speaker 8: I'd be like, we stay together. No, marriage is hard.

2155
01:35:47,479 --> 01:35:50,800
Speaker 8: Marriage is hard. Marriage say that, but what does that mean.

2156
01:35:50,960 --> 01:35:54,880
Speaker 38: It's because you are living with another whole ass human

2157
01:35:54,960 --> 01:35:58,599
Speaker 38: that got their own ship and that you sometimes are like,

2158
01:35:58,720 --> 01:36:00,920
Speaker 38: I don't want to deal with you, know, jit, but

2159
01:36:01,000 --> 01:36:02,400
Speaker 38: I choose to every day.

2160
01:36:02,520 --> 01:36:03,200
Speaker 16: It's a choice.

2161
01:36:03,240 --> 01:36:05,519
Speaker 38: I feel like marriage is a choice if you're doing

2162
01:36:05,520 --> 01:36:08,080
Speaker 38: it with the right person you made, you know, if

2163
01:36:08,120 --> 01:36:11,519
Speaker 38: you guys can communicate when we're really good at that,

2164
01:36:11,600 --> 01:36:14,440
Speaker 38: when we are not all the time.

2165
01:36:15,760 --> 01:36:16,840
Speaker 16: You know, and when you're changing.

2166
01:36:17,000 --> 01:36:21,120
Speaker 38: I think motherhood changes you as a woman, and men

2167
01:36:21,160 --> 01:36:22,599
Speaker 38: don't have to change that much.

2168
01:36:22,960 --> 01:36:24,160
Speaker 8: There's not much that they.

2169
01:36:24,000 --> 01:36:27,880
Speaker 38: Have to do, I think, and that's hard for them.

2170
01:36:29,040 --> 01:36:31,120
Speaker 38: And then that becomes a whole different thing because now

2171
01:36:31,120 --> 01:36:33,439
Speaker 38: this person, as you're learning who you are as a mom,

2172
01:36:33,520 --> 01:36:36,320
Speaker 38: they're learning who you. There's a whole nother woman that

2173
01:36:36,360 --> 01:36:40,560
Speaker 38: has emerged for them. It's hard, you know, you really.

2174
01:36:40,280 --> 01:36:40,640
Speaker 8: Have to.

2175
01:36:42,439 --> 01:36:46,360
Speaker 16: You really have to communicate. It sounds cliche, but it's true.

2176
01:36:46,520 --> 01:36:48,280
Speaker 8: Is there a trick to making I mean, you've made

2177
01:36:48,400 --> 01:36:49,479
Speaker 8: this marriage work and do.

2178
01:36:49,600 --> 01:36:53,960
Speaker 39: Well Maine marriage work because of my sheer determination and dedication.

2179
01:36:54,840 --> 01:36:57,880
Speaker 39: First of all, my husband be like love dearly, So

2180
01:36:57,920 --> 01:36:59,800
Speaker 39: that makes it a lot easier when you really start

2181
01:36:59,800 --> 01:37:03,640
Speaker 39: out really loving somebody. Well, yeah, it serves you for

2182
01:37:03,680 --> 01:37:06,760
Speaker 39: a long time. But what I think, what I think

2183
01:37:06,800 --> 01:37:09,559
Speaker 39: I have done very well with my relationship is tolerance

2184
01:37:10,320 --> 01:37:13,200
Speaker 39: and also a reality check, like what your bill is

2185
01:37:13,200 --> 01:37:15,479
Speaker 39: is what you get. And I spent the first three

2186
01:37:15,560 --> 01:37:17,679
Speaker 39: or four years trying to change him until I realized

2187
01:37:17,760 --> 01:37:20,160
Speaker 39: you can't change a guy. You just can't change him.

2188
01:37:20,160 --> 01:37:22,960
Speaker 39: You got to either accept him or move on. And

2189
01:37:23,040 --> 01:37:25,840
Speaker 39: so I practice my acceptance, and the things that drive

2190
01:37:25,880 --> 01:37:28,120
Speaker 39: me nuts still drive me nuts. But I go, mm hmmm,

2191
01:37:29,320 --> 01:37:30,040
Speaker 39: that's all I say.

2192
01:37:30,280 --> 01:37:33,000
Speaker 8: It's easier to acceptance.

2193
01:37:33,080 --> 01:37:36,080
Speaker 2: Is easier when you actually like or when you love

2194
01:37:36,520 --> 01:37:39,519
Speaker 2: you really love someone, Yeah, and I think that's that's easier.

2195
01:37:39,560 --> 01:37:41,160
Speaker 2: We talked about that here a lot, about the difference

2196
01:37:41,200 --> 01:37:44,920
Speaker 2: between who the person is that you choose.

2197
01:37:44,640 --> 01:37:47,040
Speaker 8: And what you believe the potential of the.

2198
01:37:47,000 --> 01:37:49,519
Speaker 39: Person is, and very often that doesn't work out. And

2199
01:37:49,600 --> 01:37:52,000
Speaker 39: as a marriage gets old, I really believe you have

2200
01:37:52,080 --> 01:37:55,799
Speaker 39: to change your attitude to the marriage totally because circumstance changes.

2201
01:37:56,120 --> 01:37:58,320
Speaker 39: I used to think of Bill as the best lover

2202
01:37:58,400 --> 01:38:00,680
Speaker 39: in the whole world, and he wasn't one point, I

2203
01:38:00,680 --> 01:38:06,360
Speaker 39: guess while Bill Higgins so excited lately, and now I

2204
01:38:06,400 --> 01:38:10,519
Speaker 39: know everything he's going to do next, Yeah, I know everything.

2205
01:38:10,600 --> 01:38:12,759
Speaker 39: But now I think of him as my roommate, my partner,

2206
01:38:12,840 --> 01:38:15,120
Speaker 39: my roommate. I don't think him as my lover. And

2207
01:38:15,160 --> 01:38:17,400
Speaker 39: it was hard to let that go, you know, that

2208
01:38:17,560 --> 01:38:20,240
Speaker 39: old image of like Otherwise, if I didn't let it go,

2209
01:38:20,320 --> 01:38:23,080
Speaker 39: I'd be measuring against it. But I used to be

2210
01:38:23,400 --> 01:38:26,160
Speaker 39: hot and bothered by this guy. I was so crazy. Wise,

2211
01:38:26,320 --> 01:38:29,000
Speaker 39: why don't I feel it anymore? But now I just

2212
01:38:29,000 --> 01:38:31,679
Speaker 39: think he's a great partner, and he's a great roommate,

2213
01:38:31,760 --> 01:38:33,680
Speaker 39: he's a lovely man, he's a great dad. So I

2214
01:38:33,800 --> 01:38:36,920
Speaker 39: was just my expectations. So I'm not measuring up against

2215
01:38:36,960 --> 01:38:38,360
Speaker 39: what it was, and that helps me.

2216
01:38:39,880 --> 01:38:46,120
Speaker 8: You let go of the romantic side of marriage, yes, really, well,

2217
01:38:46,160 --> 01:38:46,839
Speaker 8: not totally.

2218
01:38:47,000 --> 01:38:49,760
Speaker 39: I mean what I did, which was very important when

2219
01:38:50,000 --> 01:38:53,439
Speaker 39: I moved two times ago, like fifteen years ago or so,

2220
01:38:53,960 --> 01:38:56,000
Speaker 39: I decided I was going to have my own bedroom.

2221
01:38:56,080 --> 01:38:56,439
Speaker 23: Period.

2222
01:38:56,520 --> 01:38:58,960
Speaker 39: There was no Efenzo butts about it. When I had

2223
01:38:58,960 --> 01:39:01,320
Speaker 39: my own room. It was wonderful because I could invite

2224
01:39:01,320 --> 01:39:03,600
Speaker 39: Bill in and if he wasn't wanted, I told him no,

2225
01:39:03,760 --> 01:39:07,320
Speaker 39: thank you, just closed the door quietly on his face.

2226
01:39:07,760 --> 01:39:11,040
Speaker 39: But having your own room, you can control the romance

2227
01:39:11,040 --> 01:39:13,000
Speaker 39: how much you want of it, and as I get older,

2228
01:39:13,040 --> 01:39:14,040
Speaker 39: I want a lot less.

2229
01:39:14,439 --> 01:39:14,759
Speaker 8: Really.

2230
01:39:14,840 --> 01:39:15,559
Speaker 17: Yeah, for sure.

2231
01:39:16,040 --> 01:39:17,599
Speaker 8: Was it weird that you have to adjust to that?

2232
01:39:17,600 --> 01:39:20,439
Speaker 2: Because even sometimes you make a decision that feels right

2233
01:39:20,479 --> 01:39:24,920
Speaker 2: for you, but because society or what it looks like

2234
01:39:25,000 --> 01:39:28,000
Speaker 2: to other people, sometimes we will second guess a decision

2235
01:39:28,120 --> 01:39:29,919
Speaker 2: like that, even though it feels comfortable.

2236
01:39:30,160 --> 01:39:33,639
Speaker 39: Of course, even my children, I had to explain why

2237
01:39:33,720 --> 01:39:36,000
Speaker 39: mommy and Daddy had a separate room when my friends

2238
01:39:36,040 --> 01:39:37,920
Speaker 39: come in, Oh, you have your own room. I think

2239
01:39:37,920 --> 01:39:41,120
Speaker 39: it's half envy, but yeah, society will judge you a

2240
01:39:41,160 --> 01:39:43,400
Speaker 39: certain way, like, oh, I bet they're never having sex,

2241
01:39:43,439 --> 01:39:46,160
Speaker 39: which isn't true. But we're just having it by invitation,

2242
01:39:46,360 --> 01:39:48,479
Speaker 39: which is more occasional than it.

2243
01:39:48,479 --> 01:39:48,880
Speaker 5: Used to be.

2244
01:39:49,040 --> 01:39:52,639
Speaker 39: Yeah, so yes, you do feel that pressure from society,

2245
01:39:52,640 --> 01:39:54,519
Speaker 39: but I don't really care so much. I really want

2246
01:39:54,560 --> 01:39:56,000
Speaker 39: to have my own space, in my own room.

2247
01:39:56,080 --> 01:39:58,000
Speaker 2: I think we should all aspire to live a life

2248
01:39:58,080 --> 01:40:01,559
Speaker 2: that is true to what serves us, yes, and not

2249
01:40:01,680 --> 01:40:05,200
Speaker 2: what is expected or yeah. And I think that's like

2250
01:40:05,200 --> 01:40:07,040
Speaker 2: you said, that's where people go wrong trying to fit

2251
01:40:07,080 --> 01:40:07,639
Speaker 2: into a box.

2252
01:40:07,720 --> 01:40:08,640
Speaker 8: It doesn't work for you.

2253
01:40:08,880 --> 01:40:11,120
Speaker 39: Absolutely everywhere shoes are too tight.

2254
01:40:11,720 --> 01:40:12,360
Speaker 13: It's terrible.

2255
01:40:13,160 --> 01:40:15,439
Speaker 4: That's the same kind of thing. Yeah, I get that.

2256
01:40:21,760 --> 01:40:26,680
Speaker 33: I feel nothing but gratitude because it really is a

2257
01:40:26,720 --> 01:40:28,840
Speaker 33: reflection of God's love and.

2258
01:40:28,840 --> 01:40:31,799
Speaker 8: Grace and promise in my life.

2259
01:40:31,880 --> 01:40:35,000
Speaker 33: Like I always go back to that time I was

2260
01:40:35,040 --> 01:40:39,519
Speaker 33: sleeping in my car at Venice Beach. You know, I

2261
01:40:39,600 --> 01:40:45,000
Speaker 33: was probably at the time about maybe like twenty twenty

2262
01:40:45,080 --> 01:40:45,599
Speaker 33: years old.

2263
01:40:45,880 --> 01:40:49,799
Speaker 8: In your car. It was a little gray Ford escort.

2264
01:40:49,960 --> 01:40:54,679
Speaker 33: It reminds me though, Ange's like seriously at that time, right,

2265
01:40:54,720 --> 01:40:57,080
Speaker 33: and I was ready to go back to Camden, but

2266
01:40:57,240 --> 01:41:01,479
Speaker 33: I said, I'm gonna stay here just to see if

2267
01:41:01,520 --> 01:41:04,759
Speaker 33: the dream that I have is going to come true.

2268
01:41:04,800 --> 01:41:07,479
Speaker 33: What was the exact dream the dream? Girl was being

2269
01:41:07,520 --> 01:41:10,920
Speaker 33: an actress. It wasn't even being a director. It was

2270
01:41:10,960 --> 01:41:14,200
Speaker 33: being an actress. It was being a stand up comic

2271
01:41:14,360 --> 01:41:17,040
Speaker 33: because at the time it was right at the beginning

2272
01:41:17,080 --> 01:41:21,559
Speaker 33: of my comedy career. But acting comedy was my dream.

2273
01:41:21,680 --> 01:41:24,639
Speaker 33: It was like my dream. But I didn't have education.

2274
01:41:25,200 --> 01:41:27,639
Speaker 33: I had never gone to school. You know, I dropped

2275
01:41:27,640 --> 01:41:29,960
Speaker 33: out of school in the ninth grade, So I was

2276
01:41:30,000 --> 01:41:32,799
Speaker 33: I had insecurities and fears and all that stuff.

2277
01:41:32,840 --> 01:41:35,200
Speaker 8: I have so many questions about all of that out

2278
01:41:35,200 --> 01:41:35,879
Speaker 8: of the gates.

2279
01:41:36,000 --> 01:41:38,400
Speaker 2: And I know you've told some of this story at

2280
01:41:38,400 --> 01:41:41,360
Speaker 2: different times in your life, but like when you really

2281
01:41:41,400 --> 01:41:44,120
Speaker 2: think about what that means, Like drop out of school

2282
01:41:44,120 --> 01:41:46,800
Speaker 2: in the ninth grade, You're in Camden, New Jersey. Yes,

2283
01:41:47,880 --> 01:41:49,680
Speaker 2: what is the moment you say I'm going to go

2284
01:41:49,760 --> 01:41:52,120
Speaker 2: to Los Angeles? And why do you even think that

2285
01:41:52,160 --> 01:41:54,360
Speaker 2: you could? Like who put it in you? Who's like

2286
01:41:54,400 --> 01:41:57,000
Speaker 2: the first somebody believe in you? Did you believe in yourself?

2287
01:41:57,120 --> 01:42:00,400
Speaker 2: Like what was the thing? That's a wonderful question that

2288
01:42:00,600 --> 01:42:03,200
Speaker 2: sent you. That's a wonderful question. Well, at the time,

2289
01:42:03,360 --> 01:42:05,120
Speaker 2: like I was, you.

2290
01:42:05,040 --> 01:42:09,040
Speaker 33: Know, trying to audition and I was doing local I

2291
01:42:09,160 --> 01:42:14,000
Speaker 33: was like probably fourteen fifteen, Like fourteen, I dropped out

2292
01:42:14,000 --> 01:42:16,200
Speaker 33: of high school. But I always had the dream to

2293
01:42:16,200 --> 01:42:19,519
Speaker 33: be an actress. Like sixteen, I was hanging out at

2294
01:42:19,520 --> 01:42:22,439
Speaker 33: this bar. There was this woman in Camden that owned

2295
01:42:22,439 --> 01:42:25,680
Speaker 33: the Speagheasy called Celeste Celestis.

2296
01:42:25,760 --> 01:42:27,960
Speaker 8: I just actually talked to her not too long ago.

2297
01:42:28,280 --> 01:42:29,439
Speaker 4: I was like, do you remember me?

2298
01:42:29,640 --> 01:42:31,320
Speaker 16: I would be Celes, she remembers.

2299
01:42:31,680 --> 01:42:33,760
Speaker 33: She remembers, but I would be in there getting high

2300
01:42:33,880 --> 01:42:36,800
Speaker 33: with the dope boys, pimp somebody. I'm gonna be an

2301
01:42:36,800 --> 01:42:41,519
Speaker 33: actress one day, okay, sniping cocaine. No at fourteen, I

2302
01:42:41,560 --> 01:42:43,799
Speaker 33: was like fifteen. I mean I started at about fourteen.

2303
01:42:44,160 --> 01:42:46,800
Speaker 33: But when I was hanging out as Celestis, I was

2304
01:42:46,840 --> 01:42:50,000
Speaker 33: around sixteen years old and I was up in there.

2305
01:42:50,080 --> 01:42:54,120
Speaker 33: But it was Tisha Campbell, honestly that I met in

2306
01:42:54,160 --> 01:42:57,760
Speaker 33: Camden because she was dating Alan Payne and she came

2307
01:42:57,880 --> 01:43:01,240
Speaker 33: to visit and I stayed in touch with she and

2308
01:43:01,320 --> 01:43:04,479
Speaker 33: her mom, and it was almost like she was like

2309
01:43:04,800 --> 01:43:08,200
Speaker 33: the person where my dream was. My grandfather was an

2310
01:43:08,200 --> 01:43:10,400
Speaker 33: actor as well, but he did a lot of background work.

2311
01:43:10,680 --> 01:43:12,800
Speaker 8: He was a concierge for the Temptations.

2312
01:43:13,240 --> 01:43:17,439
Speaker 33: But Tisha was like almost like I could see the

2313
01:43:17,560 --> 01:43:21,040
Speaker 33: dream a lot closely because of my relationship with her,

2314
01:43:21,360 --> 01:43:23,479
Speaker 33: and so that really gave me the courage.

2315
01:43:23,560 --> 01:43:25,280
Speaker 13: And then I had some dope boys give me some

2316
01:43:25,280 --> 01:43:26,400
Speaker 13: money and a plane ticket.

2317
01:43:27,160 --> 01:43:30,240
Speaker 4: Did you really do it? Is that how we told

2318
01:43:30,320 --> 01:43:34,400
Speaker 4: to La? Yes? Yes, yes, what yes? Serious?

2319
01:43:34,720 --> 01:43:35,519
Speaker 8: I never knew that.

2320
01:43:35,720 --> 01:43:35,960
Speaker 22: Yeah.

2321
01:43:36,120 --> 01:43:36,360
Speaker 8: Yeah.

2322
01:43:36,439 --> 01:43:38,439
Speaker 2: The thing about that said so dope about that is

2323
01:43:38,479 --> 01:43:41,519
Speaker 2: you hear things like people inspire me or you Really

2324
01:43:41,600 --> 01:43:45,040
Speaker 2: it could really take one person to make you believe. Yeah,

2325
01:43:45,479 --> 01:43:48,400
Speaker 2: somebody else's testimony. It's not like she did something for

2326
01:43:48,439 --> 01:43:50,519
Speaker 2: you in that moment. It's just even the vision of

2327
01:43:50,560 --> 01:43:52,280
Speaker 2: her right like yeah, and she.

2328
01:43:52,400 --> 01:43:55,360
Speaker 33: Did say I believe you could do this, like she

2329
01:43:55,439 --> 01:43:57,880
Speaker 33: and her mom was a big support system. But it

2330
01:43:58,000 --> 01:44:00,320
Speaker 33: was still the dream that I had in my heart.

2331
01:44:00,760 --> 01:44:03,800
Speaker 33: And that's why I always tell people, if you want

2332
01:44:03,880 --> 01:44:07,360
Speaker 33: to know where you're supposed to be, close your eyes

2333
01:44:07,560 --> 01:44:12,240
Speaker 33: and dream, like, just allow yourself to dream. Because I believe,

2334
01:44:12,360 --> 01:44:16,639
Speaker 33: I really believe that God puts the dreams in our hearts.

2335
01:44:16,720 --> 01:44:20,439
Speaker 33: It's not just this thing, this fantasy that just came up.

2336
01:44:20,760 --> 01:44:23,960
Speaker 33: It's really connected to our purpose and our destiny.

2337
01:44:24,360 --> 01:44:27,599
Speaker 40: You know that women have a harder time sleeping than men,

2338
01:44:28,760 --> 01:44:30,280
Speaker 40: because we've just.

2339
01:44:30,280 --> 01:44:33,439
Speaker 2: Had this conversation in the room before you got here. Yes,

2340
01:44:33,720 --> 01:44:36,960
Speaker 2: actually it's actually I didn't know that. I just said

2341
01:44:36,960 --> 01:44:39,759
Speaker 2: it as like I find that men's sleep better.

2342
01:44:39,880 --> 01:44:43,559
Speaker 8: Yeah, it's factual. It's actually like the clinic, yes, because

2343
01:44:44,640 --> 01:44:47,040
Speaker 8: just the way we're wired where.

2344
01:44:49,520 --> 01:44:50,400
Speaker 17: What the kids have to do.

2345
01:44:50,479 --> 01:44:52,240
Speaker 40: This has to do oh my job. You know, we

2346
01:44:52,960 --> 01:44:58,800
Speaker 40: can't where men are better. They're wired in a way

2347
01:44:58,840 --> 01:45:03,360
Speaker 40: that they know that that ship's still going to be there.

2348
01:45:04,200 --> 01:45:06,400
Speaker 40: So I'm going to sleep, you know.

2349
01:45:06,640 --> 01:45:08,760
Speaker 8: So you just we're it is.

2350
01:45:08,880 --> 01:45:11,160
Speaker 40: Sometimes I'm like looking at my man and I'm.

2351
01:45:10,960 --> 01:45:15,040
Speaker 8: Like, I do the same thing. I will punch you

2352
01:45:15,080 --> 01:45:21,400
Speaker 8: in better enough snore. He'd be like, I'm tired, We're

2353
01:45:21,400 --> 01:45:22,680
Speaker 8: gonna take it out. And then he's like and he

2354
01:45:22,800 --> 01:45:24,000
Speaker 8: just like like, you didn't know.

2355
01:45:24,080 --> 01:45:26,200
Speaker 4: It's like I have to read some people.

2356
01:45:26,200 --> 01:45:26,720
Speaker 8: We don't do that.

2357
01:45:27,080 --> 01:45:29,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, we don't do that. Now why I know it's

2358
01:45:29,920 --> 01:45:32,400
Speaker 2: not fair. There's many things that are not fair. I

2359
01:45:32,439 --> 01:45:35,800
Speaker 2: do love your commitment to supporting women and to I

2360
01:45:35,880 --> 01:45:37,840
Speaker 2: know that you have said publicly too that you've made

2361
01:45:37,880 --> 01:45:40,519
Speaker 2: a commitment to like work with fifty percent more women.

2362
01:45:40,680 --> 01:45:41,080
Speaker 8: Yeah.

2363
01:45:41,160 --> 01:45:44,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, I absolutely love that I had experienced yesterday and

2364
01:45:44,880 --> 01:45:46,280
Speaker 2: the day before that I would like to.

2365
01:45:46,240 --> 01:45:48,120
Speaker 8: Share with you. I want you.

2366
01:45:48,200 --> 01:45:50,080
Speaker 2: I showed you a little bit of yesterday, but I

2367
01:45:50,160 --> 01:45:55,120
Speaker 2: had Tasha Smith on, who's amazing and funny and support.

2368
01:45:56,320 --> 01:45:58,479
Speaker 4: All the thing is, and I shared with.

2369
01:45:58,479 --> 01:46:00,280
Speaker 2: Her that I was doing something out of I come

2370
01:46:00,320 --> 01:46:02,240
Speaker 2: for a zone and I was gonna direct this short

2371
01:46:02,240 --> 01:46:04,120
Speaker 2: film or the script that I wrote whatever.

2372
01:46:04,160 --> 01:46:05,640
Speaker 4: She was just mad supportive about it.

2373
01:46:05,680 --> 01:46:07,360
Speaker 16: Oh my god, Sis, you could do it.

2374
01:46:07,439 --> 01:46:10,719
Speaker 2: And so the next day I wrote, I was finishing,

2375
01:46:10,800 --> 01:46:12,800
Speaker 2: I was, I was tightening up the script a little,

2376
01:46:12,800 --> 01:46:14,400
Speaker 2: and I had this new scene that now had a

2377
01:46:14,439 --> 01:46:14,920
Speaker 2: mom in it.

2378
01:46:15,520 --> 01:46:16,479
Speaker 8: And the next day.

2379
01:46:17,840 --> 01:46:21,839
Speaker 2: I called Tasha and I said, if this is crazy,

2380
01:46:21,880 --> 01:46:23,760
Speaker 2: I promised I would never feel no way.

2381
01:46:23,800 --> 01:46:24,680
Speaker 8: You could totally.

2382
01:46:24,479 --> 01:46:26,320
Speaker 2: Say no, but I have this little role if you

2383
01:46:26,760 --> 01:46:29,680
Speaker 2: if it struck your if it's and you wanted to

2384
01:46:29,680 --> 01:46:32,479
Speaker 2: do it, it would be a dream. And She's like, well, Sis,

2385
01:46:32,560 --> 01:46:33,720
Speaker 2: I got to do this thing, and I gotta do

2386
01:46:33,760 --> 01:46:35,400
Speaker 2: this thing, but I think I could move that in

2387
01:46:35,439 --> 01:46:37,040
Speaker 2: this and yeah, yes, I'll be there.

2388
01:46:37,600 --> 01:46:38,040
Speaker 8: Oh.

2389
01:46:38,280 --> 01:46:43,360
Speaker 2: Sasha Smith came down to my little low budget directorial

2390
01:46:43,439 --> 01:46:48,439
Speaker 2: debut and played the role of Gloria my mom's name Gloria. No,

2391
01:46:48,520 --> 01:46:52,559
Speaker 2: I love that and showed up and was lovely to because,

2392
01:46:52,600 --> 01:46:54,280
Speaker 2: you know, because we don't have no permits.

2393
01:46:54,680 --> 01:46:58,720
Speaker 8: Yeah, yeah, yeah, looks a student. It's like a student film. Like, yeah,

2394
01:46:58,760 --> 01:46:59,200
Speaker 8: it's like a.

2395
01:46:59,120 --> 01:47:03,400
Speaker 2: Student when somebody actually says, I don't need to do that,

2396
01:47:03,520 --> 01:47:06,840
Speaker 2: but let me let me show up and show up

2397
01:47:06,840 --> 01:47:08,760
Speaker 2: with this thing for And by the way, she could

2398
01:47:08,760 --> 01:47:10,280
Speaker 2: have said no and I still would have felt I

2399
01:47:10,320 --> 01:47:10,559
Speaker 2: love her.

2400
01:47:10,640 --> 01:47:11,679
Speaker 4: It down, it doesn't matter.

2401
01:47:11,760 --> 01:47:14,160
Speaker 40: And she if she had said no, it was only

2402
01:47:14,200 --> 01:47:17,520
Speaker 40: because she actually couldn't you know what I mean.

2403
01:47:18,160 --> 01:47:20,360
Speaker 4: And she's entitled to not want you through That's totally fine,

2404
01:47:20,400 --> 01:47:21,040
Speaker 4: you know what I'm saying.

2405
01:47:21,040 --> 01:47:23,280
Speaker 2: But when people show up for you in that way,

2406
01:47:23,360 --> 01:47:25,200
Speaker 2: it's just I don't know. I just think there is

2407
01:47:25,240 --> 01:47:27,960
Speaker 2: something to be said and so shout out to touch it.

2408
01:47:28,000 --> 01:47:28,240
Speaker 5: For that.

2409
01:47:28,520 --> 01:47:34,120
Speaker 41: I need someone that is a giver. And I say

2410
01:47:34,120 --> 01:47:37,360
Speaker 41: this because I am a giver to a detriment. So

2411
01:47:37,439 --> 01:47:40,840
Speaker 41: my biggest green and red flag mixed into one is

2412
01:47:40,880 --> 01:47:42,400
Speaker 41: that I'm a giver. So I just told you, like

2413
01:47:42,439 --> 01:47:44,320
Speaker 41: I love opening car doors, I will do that. If

2414
01:47:44,320 --> 01:47:46,960
Speaker 41: I'm exhausted, I will do that. If I am unwell,

2415
01:47:47,439 --> 01:47:49,679
Speaker 41: I will do it all the time. And I will

2416
01:47:49,880 --> 01:47:53,320
Speaker 41: never be the person to say I'm really tired and

2417
01:47:53,400 --> 01:47:55,320
Speaker 41: I'm not doing well and I need you to show

2418
01:47:55,400 --> 01:47:55,640
Speaker 41: up for me.

2419
01:47:55,680 --> 01:47:56,719
Speaker 16: I will never be that person.

2420
01:47:56,760 --> 01:47:59,559
Speaker 41: I need a partner who will say, I'm gonna stop

2421
01:47:59,640 --> 01:48:01,679
Speaker 41: you right there because I know what's happening.

2422
01:48:01,800 --> 01:48:03,559
Speaker 16: You need to sit down, and I'm gonna take care

2423
01:48:03,600 --> 01:48:04,280
Speaker 16: of you for a second.

2424
01:48:06,120 --> 01:48:09,640
Speaker 2: If they say that they need to pro actively, pro actively,

2425
01:48:09,720 --> 01:48:12,160
Speaker 2: be like, no, let me stop, because that's also a

2426
01:48:12,160 --> 01:48:13,160
Speaker 2: trauma response of mine.

2427
01:48:13,240 --> 01:48:14,960
Speaker 41: I got trauma responses. Let me show you what I

2428
01:48:14,960 --> 01:48:16,200
Speaker 41: can do for you. Let me give the BBB and

2429
01:48:16,240 --> 01:48:18,040
Speaker 41: I need someone to be like, no, you need to

2430
01:48:18,040 --> 01:48:20,640
Speaker 41: sit down. I'm opening the store. I'm cooking for you.

2431
01:48:20,760 --> 01:48:23,000
Speaker 41: I'm doing this thoughts for reliability and give her those

2432
01:48:23,000 --> 01:48:23,960
Speaker 41: are my Oh I.

2433
01:48:23,920 --> 01:48:26,280
Speaker 8: Love this for you. You're gonna find this? Do you

2434
01:48:26,320 --> 01:48:26,960
Speaker 8: want to find it?

2435
01:48:26,960 --> 01:48:27,200
Speaker 2: Are you?

2436
01:48:27,280 --> 01:48:27,400
Speaker 8: Like?

2437
01:48:27,439 --> 01:48:27,639
Speaker 4: Look?

2438
01:48:28,000 --> 01:48:28,320
Speaker 2: Are you?

2439
01:48:28,680 --> 01:48:29,640
Speaker 4: Is love important?

2440
01:48:30,360 --> 01:48:31,799
Speaker 16: Is important?

2441
01:48:32,439 --> 01:48:33,880
Speaker 8: But that varies for different people.

2442
01:48:33,920 --> 01:48:35,760
Speaker 4: Like love is important, Sure, I love, I love.

2443
01:48:36,080 --> 01:48:39,960
Speaker 2: Some people are like I really having a partner or

2444
01:48:40,000 --> 01:48:43,439
Speaker 2: somebody is like really important for my happiness in life.

2445
01:48:43,520 --> 01:48:44,720
Speaker 41: So if you asked me this when I was in

2446
01:48:44,720 --> 01:48:46,400
Speaker 41: my twenties, whe I'm like, absolutely not important.

2447
01:48:46,400 --> 01:48:48,120
Speaker 16: I'm focused on my career. I do not need someone

2448
01:48:48,160 --> 01:48:49,680
Speaker 16: to distract me. I would have absolutely said that.

2449
01:48:50,600 --> 01:48:54,360
Speaker 41: Now I think because of just maybe it's my age,

2450
01:48:54,400 --> 01:48:56,800
Speaker 41: maybe it's I've seen my friends and relationships. Maybe I've

2451
01:48:56,840 --> 01:48:58,960
Speaker 41: dabbled in dating here and there. I am a big

2452
01:48:59,000 --> 01:49:02,960
Speaker 41: believer now that if you have a good, healthy partnership,

2453
01:49:03,439 --> 01:49:05,840
Speaker 41: that health and joy can seep into all other parts

2454
01:49:05,880 --> 01:49:08,120
Speaker 41: of your life and make you better throughout. Another way

2455
01:49:08,120 --> 01:49:10,000
Speaker 41: of saying that is, I'm in my era of believing

2456
01:49:10,000 --> 01:49:13,120
Speaker 41: that one plus one is three. You know, two people

2457
01:49:13,120 --> 01:49:15,120
Speaker 41: that are really good together bring out the best in

2458
01:49:15,200 --> 01:49:17,040
Speaker 41: each other, will make me better in everything.

2459
01:49:17,040 --> 01:49:19,280
Speaker 16: I do believe that because I've even see my friendships.

2460
01:49:19,520 --> 01:49:21,840
Speaker 41: I'm right now have the best friendships I've ever had,

2461
01:49:22,040 --> 01:49:25,160
Speaker 41: and I've noticed I'm better in auditions, I'm better in interviews,

2462
01:49:25,439 --> 01:49:28,599
Speaker 41: my health is better. So I do believe that having

2463
01:49:28,640 --> 01:49:30,920
Speaker 41: a really good partner can seep into every part of

2464
01:49:30,920 --> 01:49:32,080
Speaker 41: your life really positively.

2465
01:49:32,200 --> 01:49:32,720
Speaker 8: I love that.

2466
01:49:32,760 --> 01:49:34,320
Speaker 4: What is the key to good friendships?

2467
01:49:34,360 --> 01:49:34,479
Speaker 5: Like?

2468
01:49:34,479 --> 01:49:34,840
Speaker 34: What are you?

2469
01:49:34,960 --> 01:49:36,720
Speaker 8: How did you? How did you do that? Yeah?

2470
01:49:36,760 --> 01:49:41,560
Speaker 16: One have them with women, No offense.

2471
01:49:41,200 --> 01:49:43,000
Speaker 8: To any of the men we love an ally, but

2472
01:49:43,160 --> 01:49:45,640
Speaker 8: female friends. Who knows this? Guys, you two could have

2473
01:49:45,720 --> 01:49:47,479
Speaker 8: friends who are women. Believe it or not.

2474
01:49:47,560 --> 01:49:49,920
Speaker 16: You two can befriend a woman, believe it or not.

2475
01:49:50,760 --> 01:49:52,719
Speaker 41: The good the key to friendships, well, if femal friendship

2476
01:49:52,720 --> 01:49:54,600
Speaker 41: are really important me, But I think for all friendships,

2477
01:49:55,840 --> 01:49:58,519
Speaker 41: I think we kind of covered giving grace. I think

2478
01:49:58,560 --> 01:50:00,320
Speaker 41: I struggled for a long time in my life life

2479
01:50:00,360 --> 01:50:03,400
Speaker 41: because I had such high standards for myself and others

2480
01:50:03,479 --> 01:50:05,880
Speaker 41: had such rigidness. Oh my friends showed up late. They

2481
01:50:05,880 --> 01:50:07,479
Speaker 41: don't care about me. Oh they didn't show up to

2482
01:50:07,479 --> 01:50:09,839
Speaker 41: this thing. They don't care about me. And I've really

2483
01:50:09,960 --> 01:50:11,960
Speaker 41: That's why I say it in my prayers in the morning, like,

2484
01:50:12,400 --> 01:50:14,760
Speaker 41: guide me to have grace for myself so I can

2485
01:50:14,800 --> 01:50:17,639
Speaker 41: give grace to other giving people grace in the greater

2486
01:50:17,760 --> 01:50:19,640
Speaker 41: scheme of things. Does this person show up to you

2487
01:50:19,680 --> 01:50:22,320
Speaker 41: when it really matters they do, then give them grace

2488
01:50:22,360 --> 01:50:23,880
Speaker 41: all the time they didn't text you back, of the

2489
01:50:23,880 --> 01:50:25,439
Speaker 41: time they flopped on you, with the time they didn't

2490
01:50:25,439 --> 01:50:26,040
Speaker 41: say the right thing.

2491
01:50:26,080 --> 01:50:27,839
Speaker 16: Like, I think grace is really important.

2492
01:50:27,880 --> 01:50:30,639
Speaker 41: I think friends that you can feel safe with, which

2493
01:50:30,680 --> 01:50:32,800
Speaker 41: we also touched on, Like we just had a whole

2494
01:50:32,800 --> 01:50:35,799
Speaker 41: conversation about sex. I told you I felt really awkward

2495
01:50:35,800 --> 01:50:37,840
Speaker 41: about Can I tell the number of my girlfriends in

2496
01:50:37,840 --> 01:50:40,160
Speaker 41: my backyard by my firepit, which is like a little smoke,

2497
01:50:40,200 --> 01:50:42,240
Speaker 41: a little drink. And we're like, I'm gonna teach you

2498
01:50:42,280 --> 01:50:44,160
Speaker 41: some things about sex, girl, I'm like, give it to me,

2499
01:50:44,320 --> 01:50:47,920
Speaker 41: Teach me, mama, teach me, like, safe conversations where I

2500
01:50:47,920 --> 01:50:51,320
Speaker 41: can be myself are really important as well. And this

2501
01:50:51,400 --> 01:50:53,519
Speaker 41: is a big one because women are not encouraged to

2502
01:50:53,520 --> 01:50:56,400
Speaker 41: do this. You got to be each other's cheerleader, you know,

2503
01:50:56,479 --> 01:50:59,679
Speaker 41: especially in this industry. I have some actress friends. Nothing

2504
01:50:59,720 --> 01:51:02,920
Speaker 41: makes me happier than them booking a role, and sometimes

2505
01:51:02,960 --> 01:51:05,200
Speaker 41: we audition for the same thing, and we have had

2506
01:51:05,200 --> 01:51:07,040
Speaker 41: to train ourselves to be like, we are not in

2507
01:51:07,080 --> 01:51:09,719
Speaker 41: competition with each other. It is not about better or worse,

2508
01:51:09,800 --> 01:51:11,160
Speaker 41: or right or wrong, and it's just we had to

2509
01:51:11,240 --> 01:51:14,360
Speaker 41: cheer each other on that. That is really important in friendship,

2510
01:51:14,520 --> 01:51:16,960
Speaker 41: you know, just really your happiness. And the last thing

2511
01:51:16,960 --> 01:51:18,880
Speaker 41: we'll say about this because I'm talking too much, No,

2512
01:51:19,000 --> 01:51:19,320
Speaker 41: you's not.

2513
01:51:19,720 --> 01:51:20,599
Speaker 4: What are you talking about?

2514
01:51:20,720 --> 01:51:22,680
Speaker 16: I two weeks ago had a friend I'll even name

2515
01:51:22,760 --> 01:51:24,479
Speaker 16: drop her because she's so sweet. Perkins is my friend.

2516
01:51:24,920 --> 01:51:25,800
Speaker 16: I was telling her.

2517
01:51:25,880 --> 01:51:28,160
Speaker 41: All I said was I was giving her example about

2518
01:51:28,200 --> 01:51:30,720
Speaker 41: someone that treated me really well. I had someone in

2519
01:51:30,720 --> 01:51:32,040
Speaker 41: a day that I was having a really rough day

2520
01:51:32,040 --> 01:51:33,680
Speaker 41: and someone just did something really kind for me and

2521
01:51:33,680 --> 01:51:34,599
Speaker 41: treated me really well.

2522
01:51:34,760 --> 01:51:36,920
Speaker 16: And Perkins knows how much I struggle with receiving.

2523
01:51:37,880 --> 01:51:44,559
Speaker 41: She cried physical, real tears, physical real tears springs down

2524
01:51:44,720 --> 01:51:46,680
Speaker 41: her face and I was like, white crash. She's like,

2525
01:51:47,160 --> 01:51:49,759
Speaker 41: it just made me so emotional to hear that someone

2526
01:51:49,840 --> 01:51:52,760
Speaker 41: treated you well, because I know you deserve that, and

2527
01:51:52,840 --> 01:51:55,200
Speaker 41: she cried.

2528
01:51:56,160 --> 01:51:57,479
Speaker 8: I was so taken aback.

2529
01:51:57,880 --> 01:51:59,439
Speaker 16: I was so taken her back. That had nothing to

2530
01:51:59,479 --> 01:52:01,479
Speaker 16: do with her. She just I was treated well and

2531
01:52:01,520 --> 01:52:02,439
Speaker 16: it overjoyed her.

2532
01:52:03,400 --> 01:52:04,720
Speaker 8: So that is love.

2533
01:52:05,280 --> 01:52:07,160
Speaker 4: What was the first thing you did coming out of

2534
01:52:07,200 --> 01:52:08,040
Speaker 4: the depression.

2535
01:52:08,120 --> 01:52:10,920
Speaker 13: I I me.

2536
01:52:10,880 --> 01:52:13,200
Speaker 11: Coming out of depression was probably only like ten years ago.

2537
01:52:13,520 --> 01:52:16,080
Speaker 11: Oh wow, yeah it was that long.

2538
01:52:16,200 --> 01:52:19,040
Speaker 8: Yeah, it was long. Yeah, it was like what does

2539
01:52:19,080 --> 01:52:19,439
Speaker 8: that mean?

2540
01:52:19,479 --> 01:52:22,280
Speaker 4: What is your because everybody's definition of depression it's different.

2541
01:52:23,400 --> 01:52:24,479
Speaker 4: It was several years.

2542
01:52:25,680 --> 01:52:25,960
Speaker 41: For me.

2543
01:52:26,280 --> 01:52:27,439
Speaker 8: It was dark cloud.

2544
01:52:27,520 --> 01:52:30,040
Speaker 11: It was just nothing could make me truly happy. It

2545
01:52:30,080 --> 01:52:34,439
Speaker 11: was hiding. I isolated really badly. I could sleep for days,

2546
01:52:34,800 --> 01:52:42,200
Speaker 11: like not literally, but you know, yeah, like I would

2547
01:52:42,360 --> 01:52:42,920
Speaker 11: get up and.

2548
01:52:42,880 --> 01:52:44,599
Speaker 13: Shower and go right back to the bed.

2549
01:52:44,960 --> 01:52:47,000
Speaker 4: Just just this is for years.

2550
01:52:47,040 --> 01:52:49,960
Speaker 8: This is yeah, a couple of at least a few years.

2551
01:52:50,120 --> 01:52:50,479
Speaker 13: Wow.

2552
01:52:50,560 --> 01:52:50,760
Speaker 10: Yeah.

2553
01:52:51,400 --> 01:52:51,559
Speaker 12: Yeah.

2554
01:52:51,600 --> 01:52:53,639
Speaker 4: When people were were your family and friends like worried

2555
01:52:53,640 --> 01:52:54,360
Speaker 4: about you, and they.

2556
01:52:54,240 --> 01:52:57,040
Speaker 11: Didn't I didn't tell anybody what I was going through.

2557
01:52:57,120 --> 01:52:58,560
Speaker 8: I think people.

2558
01:53:01,600 --> 01:53:02,640
Speaker 4: I don't know.

2559
01:53:02,800 --> 01:53:07,760
Speaker 11: I think people maybe had a clue that I wasn't myself.

2560
01:53:07,920 --> 01:53:08,840
Speaker 12: Maybe I wasn't.

2561
01:53:09,240 --> 01:53:10,720
Speaker 4: I'm usually very I'm like.

2562
01:53:10,720 --> 01:53:16,680
Speaker 11: A relentless optimistic optimist.

2563
01:53:17,240 --> 01:53:19,960
Speaker 4: So you were you were good at like faking it.

2564
01:53:20,160 --> 01:53:25,640
Speaker 11: Yeah, yeah, I definitely had. I think my assistant I

2565
01:53:25,680 --> 01:53:28,840
Speaker 11: had to have known. My road manager had to have

2566
01:53:28,880 --> 01:53:31,960
Speaker 11: known who's now my manager now. He had to you know,

2567
01:53:32,400 --> 01:53:37,160
Speaker 11: certain figures. I think saw family. Mom says she didn't know. Really, Yeah,

2568
01:53:37,320 --> 01:53:39,240
Speaker 11: she just told me that recently. She was like, I

2569
01:53:39,240 --> 01:53:43,000
Speaker 11: didn't even know what are you talking about? Wow, It's like, okay,

2570
01:53:43,080 --> 01:53:44,360
Speaker 11: you just did a good job, right.

2571
01:53:44,400 --> 01:53:46,280
Speaker 2: People come over the holliads, they come for dinner, we

2572
01:53:46,320 --> 01:53:49,840
Speaker 2: meet up for lunch, you go to the thing, Yes, Carrie.

2573
01:53:50,080 --> 01:53:53,080
Speaker 8: They have no idea, no clue. It's interesting how you

2574
01:53:53,080 --> 01:53:53,839
Speaker 8: explained depression.

2575
01:53:53,880 --> 01:53:54,160
Speaker 4: I had.

2576
01:53:54,200 --> 01:53:56,320
Speaker 2: I heard Joe Fat Joe one time was talking about

2577
01:53:56,320 --> 01:53:58,719
Speaker 2: the time when he lost his sister, he lost pun

2578
01:53:58,800 --> 01:54:00,960
Speaker 2: and it was really he talked about depression one time.

2579
01:54:00,960 --> 01:54:03,599
Speaker 2: I don't know something about the description it always stuck

2580
01:54:03,640 --> 01:54:07,360
Speaker 2: with me. And and the way you said it was almost.

2581
01:54:07,040 --> 01:54:07,639
Speaker 4: The same thing.

2582
01:54:07,680 --> 01:54:10,679
Speaker 2: It's like he said, it's like it could be sunny,

2583
01:54:10,720 --> 01:54:14,120
Speaker 2: but you feel like it's gloomy. Nothing makes you happy.

2584
01:54:14,720 --> 01:54:18,439
Speaker 2: Every it's everything feels dark. Everything feels gloomy. Yes, you

2585
01:54:18,560 --> 01:54:19,680
Speaker 2: just you don't want to get out of the bed.

2586
01:54:19,800 --> 01:54:20,800
Speaker 2: Just dim the world.

2587
01:54:20,880 --> 01:54:24,080
Speaker 11: If it was once bright and pretty and colorful, it's

2588
01:54:24,160 --> 01:54:28,240
Speaker 11: just everything's dim. Everything. Every advice someone's giving you is

2589
01:54:28,280 --> 01:54:32,440
Speaker 11: just like you're just it's just mundane and melancholy and just.

2590
01:54:33,720 --> 01:54:37,000
Speaker 2: And then when do you say, when does something change?

2591
01:54:37,080 --> 01:54:39,400
Speaker 2: That's what's what's the When does the light come back in?

2592
01:54:39,600 --> 01:54:40,720
Speaker 8: Or how do you get it back?

2593
01:54:43,160 --> 01:54:45,200
Speaker 4: I want to say this responsibly mm hmm.

2594
01:54:45,720 --> 01:54:47,680
Speaker 13: But there's one I mean I did.

2595
01:54:47,840 --> 01:54:50,280
Speaker 11: Let me let me preface this by saying I had

2596
01:54:50,320 --> 01:54:53,160
Speaker 11: done like spiritual things. I had kind of really come

2597
01:54:53,200 --> 01:54:58,200
Speaker 11: into a closer relationship with.

2598
01:54:58,160 --> 01:55:01,200
Speaker 8: God, and.

2599
01:55:02,960 --> 01:55:07,960
Speaker 16: There, you know, just I went on retreats and I built.

2600
01:55:07,680 --> 01:55:11,720
Speaker 11: A community of those who were kind of like minded

2601
01:55:11,760 --> 01:55:14,800
Speaker 11: in that sense, you know, spirituality, and.

2602
01:55:17,360 --> 01:55:20,000
Speaker 13: My tribe really appeared during that time.

2603
01:55:21,480 --> 01:55:22,560
Speaker 8: My tribe.

2604
01:55:23,800 --> 01:55:26,160
Speaker 11: Really stood up and some I knew already somewhere new

2605
01:55:26,360 --> 01:55:30,720
Speaker 11: and it was just like, Okay, the team is not

2606
01:55:30,880 --> 01:55:39,040
Speaker 11: professional team, but carries carry the humans. Tribe was starting

2607
01:55:39,040 --> 01:55:44,360
Speaker 11: to appear angels really and then I met a doctor

2608
01:55:44,920 --> 01:55:53,400
Speaker 11: who assisted me with shrooms, medicinal grade trooms, psychedelics. I

2609
01:55:53,440 --> 01:55:57,360
Speaker 11: can say without a doubt that I did like two

2610
01:55:57,520 --> 01:56:01,280
Speaker 11: macro doses. And I'm say that's responsible because again it's

2611
01:56:01,360 --> 01:56:02,600
Speaker 11: doctor assisted, right.

2612
01:56:02,640 --> 01:56:04,840
Speaker 2: And also, this is your experience. This is not what

2613
01:56:05,000 --> 01:56:07,120
Speaker 2: we were not promoting this.

2614
01:56:08,320 --> 01:56:10,760
Speaker 16: Yes, yeah, but I can say that.

2615
01:56:10,800 --> 01:56:12,400
Speaker 12: And I was already coming out.

2616
01:56:12,400 --> 01:56:14,640
Speaker 11: I was already pretty much out, but I still would

2617
01:56:14,680 --> 01:56:20,520
Speaker 11: struggle with here and there, and that doctor suggested that

2618
01:56:20,600 --> 01:56:22,920
Speaker 11: I just research, which I did because I was very

2619
01:56:22,920 --> 01:56:25,280
Speaker 11: scared of like drugs.

2620
01:56:25,240 --> 01:56:27,160
Speaker 4: Were smoke, weed or anything like that.

2621
01:56:27,480 --> 01:56:27,720
Speaker 10: Nah.

2622
01:56:27,760 --> 01:56:31,800
Speaker 11: I would do edibles occasionally, yeah, low dose, yeah, probably,

2623
01:56:32,120 --> 01:56:35,480
Speaker 11: I mean, and I would take if it if they

2624
01:56:35,600 --> 01:56:39,680
Speaker 11: recommend a half, I'm really taking an eighth of the half, right,

2625
01:56:41,280 --> 01:56:45,320
Speaker 11: I'm easily affected by everything caffeine, like I can't. I don't,

2626
01:56:45,440 --> 01:56:49,200
Speaker 11: you know, so I know my my personnel, which is me,

2627
01:56:49,560 --> 01:56:52,040
Speaker 11: and so I was very very nervous.

2628
01:56:52,080 --> 01:56:53,080
Speaker 4: But then I learned that there are.

2629
01:56:53,000 --> 01:56:59,160
Speaker 11: Retreats all around the world for shrooms being used medicinally

2630
01:56:59,680 --> 01:57:04,480
Speaker 11: as hey, and I, like, I say, is it worked

2631
01:57:04,480 --> 01:57:04,680
Speaker 11: for me?

2632
01:57:05,360 --> 01:57:07,160
Speaker 25: I think that's really when we fell in love. Well,

2633
01:57:07,200 --> 01:57:10,840
Speaker 25: we started harmonizing on the porch. She's like, Okay, that's

2634
01:57:10,880 --> 01:57:11,280
Speaker 25: my guy.

2635
01:57:11,360 --> 01:57:13,480
Speaker 16: But I know that that sounds really funny.

2636
01:57:13,720 --> 01:57:19,560
Speaker 42: But imagine someone connecting with something that is so pore

2637
01:57:20,440 --> 01:57:23,560
Speaker 42: who you are as a person that was your whole upbringing,

2638
01:57:23,600 --> 01:57:25,640
Speaker 42: your whole childhood, and this person goes, I see you.

2639
01:57:26,400 --> 01:57:28,280
Speaker 42: And that's how I felt in that moment, Like I

2640
01:57:28,360 --> 01:57:33,600
Speaker 42: was like, wait, you know that, like culturally you know this, and.

2641
01:57:32,840 --> 01:57:34,200
Speaker 16: That was just like amazing to me.

2642
01:57:34,320 --> 01:57:36,800
Speaker 8: What is the song? No ideal?

2643
01:57:39,680 --> 01:57:40,000
Speaker 10: Normal?

2644
01:57:41,520 --> 01:57:43,280
Speaker 8: Normal? I?

2645
01:57:43,320 --> 01:57:47,320
Speaker 2: And oh would you not fall in love?

2646
01:57:47,640 --> 01:57:48,360
Speaker 8: Would you not.

2647
01:57:50,760 --> 01:57:50,920
Speaker 31: Of you?

2648
01:57:51,160 --> 01:57:53,840
Speaker 8: Okay? I was literally just like, wait, but you know

2649
01:57:53,920 --> 01:57:54,440
Speaker 8: this part of me.

2650
01:57:54,600 --> 01:57:58,600
Speaker 42: Also, if you really know me, you know I'm super

2651
01:57:58,680 --> 01:58:00,880
Speaker 42: faith based, Like I love O God. God plays a

2652
01:58:00,960 --> 01:58:04,680
Speaker 42: huge part in everything I've ever done. And I felt

2653
01:58:04,720 --> 01:58:06,600
Speaker 42: like for the first time I was in a relationship

2654
01:58:06,600 --> 01:58:08,320
Speaker 42: where I could be like, can you pray with me?

2655
01:58:09,120 --> 01:58:11,040
Speaker 42: And it wasn't weird, you know, and I needed that.

2656
01:58:11,840 --> 01:58:14,600
Speaker 25: Yeah, I'm gonna tell you the craziest story since since

2657
01:58:14,600 --> 01:58:18,040
Speaker 25: you loaded that up. I didn't pray for her the

2658
01:58:18,040 --> 01:58:20,960
Speaker 25: first time, the first time we ever prayed together, she

2659
01:58:21,080 --> 01:58:24,720
Speaker 25: prayed for me. Oh my gosh, that's crazy. I told her,

2660
01:58:24,760 --> 01:58:26,640
Speaker 25: this is what's going on in my life. It's bad

2661
01:58:26,800 --> 01:58:29,560
Speaker 25: if once the world finds out I'm just my life

2662
01:58:29,600 --> 01:58:30,480
Speaker 25: is over and my careers.

2663
01:58:30,680 --> 01:58:33,680
Speaker 8: It's where I was at beauseinistry, yes, and.

2664
01:58:34,200 --> 01:58:38,000
Speaker 25: My livelihood was attached to whether people thought I was

2665
01:58:38,040 --> 01:58:41,720
Speaker 25: a Christian or not, you know, or a superhuman Christian

2666
01:58:41,720 --> 01:58:45,120
Speaker 25: by the way, like a super Christian. And I expected

2667
01:58:45,160 --> 01:58:47,680
Speaker 25: her and what I shared with her was like embarrassing

2668
01:58:47,720 --> 01:58:51,720
Speaker 25: and painful and all that. And I expected her to go, see, oh, y'all,

2669
01:58:52,240 --> 01:58:55,600
Speaker 25: you know, I expected her to just go, oh, my

2670
01:58:55,760 --> 01:58:56,680
Speaker 25: guys are the same.

2671
01:58:56,600 --> 01:58:57,080
Speaker 13: To do that.

2672
01:58:58,320 --> 01:59:02,080
Speaker 25: And she leaned across the table and she grabbed my

2673
01:59:02,160 --> 01:59:04,200
Speaker 25: hand and she just started praying for me. This is

2674
01:59:04,200 --> 01:59:08,840
Speaker 25: when we're still friends. And I mean I sobbed at

2675
01:59:08,880 --> 01:59:13,520
Speaker 25: that little table and she just basically said, God, please

2676
01:59:13,560 --> 01:59:15,800
Speaker 25: help this man know that he's not what he's done.

2677
01:59:16,920 --> 01:59:20,120
Speaker 25: And I think even that, like anybody listening right now

2678
01:59:20,200 --> 01:59:22,840
Speaker 25: or watching right now, we need to understand, like again,

2679
01:59:22,880 --> 01:59:25,240
Speaker 25: if I change anything, it would change everything. We are

2680
01:59:25,240 --> 01:59:28,480
Speaker 25: not what we've done. We are the sum total of

2681
01:59:29,440 --> 01:59:32,720
Speaker 25: what we inherited out of the womb, what we've dealt

2682
01:59:32,720 --> 01:59:35,280
Speaker 25: with in the community we grew up in, or the

2683
01:59:35,360 --> 01:59:38,520
Speaker 25: church trauma that some people have had to actually deal

2684
01:59:38,560 --> 01:59:41,880
Speaker 25: with that's a real thing. And yet here we are,

2685
01:59:41,960 --> 01:59:44,560
Speaker 25: both years into our life on the other side of

2686
01:59:44,560 --> 01:59:48,200
Speaker 25: that going all of that wasn't working against us. All

2687
01:59:48,240 --> 01:59:51,920
Speaker 25: of that was serving to make us who we are now.

2688
01:59:52,320 --> 01:59:55,200
Speaker 25: And the evolution that I've seen in her life. And

2689
01:59:55,520 --> 01:59:57,840
Speaker 25: here's what's wild when she talks about church. For her,

2690
01:59:57,960 --> 02:00:03,640
Speaker 25: it's this beautiful like foundational pillar has always been that

2691
02:00:03,720 --> 02:00:07,920
Speaker 25: f and for me it has as well. And there

2692
02:00:07,960 --> 02:00:09,920
Speaker 25: was a lot of trauma, but that's because I was

2693
02:00:09,960 --> 02:00:11,720
Speaker 25: sort of in the family business.

2694
02:00:11,320 --> 02:00:14,400
Speaker 42: Of my dad pastor, and I think that it's a

2695
02:00:14,400 --> 02:00:15,760
Speaker 42: different dynamic for sure.

2696
02:00:16,400 --> 02:00:17,240
Speaker 16: But that's so weird.

2697
02:00:17,280 --> 02:00:20,120
Speaker 42: I never would have That's how I know moments like

2698
02:00:20,160 --> 02:00:23,080
Speaker 42: that are God, because that's not my natural instinct. My

2699
02:00:23,160 --> 02:00:24,960
Speaker 42: natural instinct is not to be like, let me pray

2700
02:00:25,000 --> 02:00:27,080
Speaker 42: for you. My natural instinct would have been to be like,

2701
02:00:27,240 --> 02:00:29,040
Speaker 42: oh no, this is exactly.

2702
02:00:29,200 --> 02:00:31,800
Speaker 2: I know this about you. Ycause your biggest fear used

2703
02:00:31,840 --> 02:00:34,800
Speaker 2: to be when you're dating. Yeah, do you know what

2704
02:00:34,840 --> 02:00:35,920
Speaker 2: you used to always.

2705
02:00:35,600 --> 02:00:38,000
Speaker 8: Be afraid of you were dating, that somebody would cheat

2706
02:00:38,080 --> 02:00:40,600
Speaker 8: on you.

2707
02:00:38,680 --> 02:00:38,800
Speaker 10: Oh?

2708
02:00:41,400 --> 02:00:43,600
Speaker 42: Not just my biggest fear, but again that's attached to

2709
02:00:43,640 --> 02:00:46,240
Speaker 42: my embarrassment and what that would do to my ego

2710
02:00:46,360 --> 02:00:49,240
Speaker 42: and that's just so like, like that's heartbreaking. But also

2711
02:00:49,280 --> 02:00:54,560
Speaker 42: because I had gone through that before, my biggest fear

2712
02:00:54,960 --> 02:00:57,280
Speaker 42: was someone cheating, because that, to me was saying that

2713
02:00:57,360 --> 02:01:00,800
Speaker 42: I wasn't good enough that you know, we all want

2714
02:01:00,840 --> 02:01:04,600
Speaker 42: to believe that, like I'm the one for you, and

2715
02:01:04,640 --> 02:01:06,760
Speaker 42: that would be proof that I'm not the one for

2716
02:01:06,800 --> 02:01:08,760
Speaker 42: I mean, there's so much I've delved into it because

2717
02:01:09,160 --> 02:01:10,960
Speaker 42: to be honest, it still is a very real thing

2718
02:01:10,960 --> 02:01:12,120
Speaker 42: for me, Like that to.

2719
02:01:12,160 --> 02:01:14,440
Speaker 16: Me would be the end.

2720
02:01:14,640 --> 02:01:18,160
Speaker 42: Like that that to me is like game over.

2721
02:01:18,400 --> 02:01:18,640
Speaker 16: Yeah.

2722
02:01:19,080 --> 02:01:21,440
Speaker 42: So to really believe that and know that and I've

2723
02:01:21,480 --> 02:01:23,400
Speaker 42: preached that on the real and to be that person

2724
02:01:23,440 --> 02:01:26,840
Speaker 42: and then marry someone who has been that didn't make

2725
02:01:26,920 --> 02:01:30,200
Speaker 42: sense to me at all in my logical mind.

2726
02:01:30,640 --> 02:01:33,160
Speaker 16: But in that moment, I don't know.

2727
02:01:33,360 --> 02:01:34,920
Speaker 42: That's how I know it was God because in that

2728
02:01:34,960 --> 02:01:37,480
Speaker 42: moment I literally reached over and was like praying for

2729
02:01:37,560 --> 02:01:39,200
Speaker 42: him and I held him and I was just like,

2730
02:01:39,480 --> 02:01:42,160
Speaker 42: I love you, Like you don't have to be that

2731
02:01:42,320 --> 02:01:45,120
Speaker 42: like that's not it's just so wild.

2732
02:01:45,160 --> 02:01:47,360
Speaker 16: Like I just was like, I love you, I love

2733
02:01:47,400 --> 02:01:48,000
Speaker 16: you flawed.

2734
02:01:48,040 --> 02:01:50,240
Speaker 42: I get that you're so honest and transparent with me

2735
02:01:50,320 --> 02:01:53,200
Speaker 42: right now in this moment, and I get that, but

2736
02:01:53,320 --> 02:01:58,520
Speaker 42: I still love you. And if we can't be the

2737
02:01:58,560 --> 02:02:01,960
Speaker 42: grace of God that we what I want from God

2738
02:02:02,040 --> 02:02:05,000
Speaker 42: is grace. I ask for grace every morning. I want

2739
02:02:05,040 --> 02:02:06,720
Speaker 42: that mercy and that grace. I pray that I can

2740
02:02:06,760 --> 02:02:09,520
Speaker 42: be that for if anything, the person I married.

2741
02:02:15,880 --> 02:02:20,800
Speaker 8: So you're eighteen, you're designing rapping, right, you like you

2742
02:02:20,920 --> 02:02:21,920
Speaker 8: just want to make well.

2743
02:02:21,960 --> 02:02:23,879
Speaker 20: I was always a rapper. I was a rapper.

2744
02:02:24,560 --> 02:02:26,520
Speaker 43: I was kind of doing both at the same time

2745
02:02:27,160 --> 02:02:31,520
Speaker 43: because I was battle rapper since I was fourteen. So

2746
02:02:31,600 --> 02:02:33,920
Speaker 43: I'm just going to be in the streets and I

2747
02:02:33,920 --> 02:02:37,960
Speaker 43: had a crew called hteen and uh, you know it

2748
02:02:38,000 --> 02:02:41,480
Speaker 43: didn't turned into Harlem Envy, and I would just go

2749
02:02:41,520 --> 02:02:44,280
Speaker 43: to different people blocks and just battle rap people, watch

2750
02:02:44,400 --> 02:02:49,360
Speaker 43: Mad Ciphers, loving all of the Philly rappers, Vodka Kaboom,

2751
02:02:50,040 --> 02:02:56,200
Speaker 43: Meek Mills, h Read Dollars, and then also like Harlem rappers,

2752
02:02:56,280 --> 02:03:01,400
Speaker 43: J Mills, Charlie Clips, you know, Vot, you know all

2753
02:03:01,400 --> 02:03:02,280
Speaker 43: of the guys and.

2754
02:03:04,080 --> 02:03:06,200
Speaker 20: Yeah, just really diving into that world.

2755
02:03:06,520 --> 02:03:10,280
Speaker 8: I'm hearing the Harlem cookouts with when you risk your life, Oh.

2756
02:03:10,200 --> 02:03:12,840
Speaker 43: Yeah, yeah, we was at them Harlem cookouts like we

2757
02:03:12,880 --> 02:03:16,240
Speaker 43: was going to uh. They used to have an image

2758
02:03:16,320 --> 02:03:18,880
Speaker 43: cookout Most Hated cookout where it used to be like

2759
02:03:19,760 --> 02:03:24,520
Speaker 43: thousands of people outside, all of the fly chicks was outside.

2760
02:03:25,040 --> 02:03:27,120
Speaker 20: Cam Is pulling up with the Pink Range.

2761
02:03:27,560 --> 02:03:29,560
Speaker 43: He got the Air Force ones with all of the

2762
02:03:29,600 --> 02:03:31,800
Speaker 43: dip set members faces on him, and I'm like.

2763
02:03:31,880 --> 02:03:34,000
Speaker 8: You know, do they know who you are at this point?

2764
02:03:34,080 --> 02:03:35,840
Speaker 20: No, they knew my dad.

2765
02:03:36,160 --> 02:03:38,760
Speaker 43: They didn't know that my pops had a son running

2766
02:03:38,800 --> 02:03:42,400
Speaker 43: around like looking at what they was doing, aspiring.

2767
02:03:43,080 --> 02:03:45,440
Speaker 2: But this was like the inspiration around in the neighborhood,

2768
02:03:45,480 --> 02:03:48,840
Speaker 2: right yeah, yeah, And you're making clothes.

2769
02:03:48,960 --> 02:03:52,560
Speaker 43: I'm making clothes for all of the crews coming up.

2770
02:03:52,680 --> 02:03:58,400
Speaker 43: Rich Girls, Team Nerves Superfly like Rich Girls. Uhia was

2771
02:03:58,440 --> 02:04:00,760
Speaker 43: a part of that crew. Was a bunch of cruise

2772
02:04:00,800 --> 02:04:05,720
Speaker 43: in Harlem. It was Trump Deavs, Rich Girls, top Models

2773
02:04:06,280 --> 02:04:10,600
Speaker 43: and Dougie Fresh and them sons. They was called Square

2774
02:04:10,640 --> 02:04:15,000
Speaker 43: Off our crewise called Harlem Envy, Rocky crew was called

2775
02:04:15,080 --> 02:04:19,200
Speaker 43: Million Dollar Babies. It was Mad Cruise in Harlem. So

2776
02:04:19,240 --> 02:04:23,800
Speaker 43: we was like famous. Her crew is called Rich. She

2777
02:04:23,880 --> 02:04:25,840
Speaker 43: was a part of a crew called Rich Girls, but

2778
02:04:25,880 --> 02:04:29,960
Speaker 43: then she made Team Nerd. After the crew started dying out,

2779
02:04:30,160 --> 02:04:34,080
Speaker 43: she made Team Nerd and she had yams L's like

2780
02:04:34,120 --> 02:04:35,920
Speaker 43: a few of the Mob members before the mob.

2781
02:04:36,520 --> 02:04:37,080
Speaker 5: And then.

2782
02:04:38,400 --> 02:04:41,040
Speaker 43: Yeah, the cruise faded out and then it was like asap,

2783
02:04:41,160 --> 02:04:44,520
Speaker 43: and like that was it.

2784
02:04:43,120 --> 02:04:45,200
Speaker 4: That was what a moment.

2785
02:04:45,240 --> 02:04:47,320
Speaker 2: Though, when you think back about that time, it's funny

2786
02:04:47,320 --> 02:04:49,480
Speaker 2: because when we came in, you asked me about some

2787
02:04:49,560 --> 02:04:51,040
Speaker 2: of my moments and times.

2788
02:04:51,040 --> 02:04:53,080
Speaker 8: But for you, like that time, when.

2789
02:04:52,920 --> 02:04:56,680
Speaker 2: You think about all that talent running around Harlem, really

2790
02:04:56,800 --> 02:04:59,680
Speaker 2: just trying to find yourself and trying to create, trying

2791
02:04:59,680 --> 02:05:01,960
Speaker 2: to make some shit matter, and trying.

2792
02:05:01,680 --> 02:05:05,080
Speaker 8: To like what was the goal? Like what were you chasing?

2793
02:05:05,160 --> 02:05:08,000
Speaker 8: What was the was it fame? Was it money? Was

2794
02:05:08,040 --> 02:05:11,080
Speaker 8: it to be flies? To beat the fly? Is like

2795
02:05:11,120 --> 02:05:14,000
Speaker 8: what are you chasing? At that age, I.

2796
02:05:13,960 --> 02:05:17,120
Speaker 43: Felt fly already because my dad and my family was fly. Like,

2797
02:05:17,360 --> 02:05:19,880
Speaker 43: you know, my pop's driving around silver Benzes with the

2798
02:05:19,960 --> 02:05:22,480
Speaker 43: mink the match. You know, we're going to Fat Joe

2799
02:05:22,600 --> 02:05:25,160
Speaker 43: Stow in the Bronx. He putting his clothes in there

2800
02:05:25,200 --> 02:05:28,120
Speaker 43: on consignment. He teaching me how to hustle. I'm silk

2801
02:05:28,120 --> 02:05:31,640
Speaker 43: screened shirts, taking garbage bags and shirts to my high school.

2802
02:05:32,000 --> 02:05:34,320
Speaker 43: I got my mom's air rings and so the buggers

2803
02:05:34,360 --> 02:05:37,520
Speaker 43: is looking crazy Like I was already super fly.

2804
02:05:38,400 --> 02:05:42,240
Speaker 20: I was chasing aura. Like me and my my bro

2805
02:05:42,400 --> 02:05:42,920
Speaker 20: j West.

2806
02:05:42,960 --> 02:05:47,200
Speaker 43: We'll be on the phone for hours talking about the smile,

2807
02:05:47,440 --> 02:05:49,600
Speaker 43: talking about you see how you popped out that red

2808
02:05:49,600 --> 02:05:53,160
Speaker 43: which is extra. We talking about the aura that's the

2809
02:05:53,320 --> 02:05:57,200
Speaker 43: skin glowing because we just noticed like there was a

2810
02:05:57,200 --> 02:05:59,840
Speaker 43: certain type of person that brought a certain type of

2811
02:06:00,120 --> 02:06:03,560
Speaker 43: energy and it was aura, and there was certain characters

2812
02:06:03,640 --> 02:06:05,960
Speaker 43: in Harlem that had the aura, and we just always

2813
02:06:06,040 --> 02:06:08,160
Speaker 43: wanted to be the aura for people.

2814
02:06:08,880 --> 02:06:12,080
Speaker 2: There's a shitload of aura that you just explained all

2815
02:06:12,160 --> 02:06:15,400
Speaker 2: the people that were involved with that. I love that definition.

2816
02:06:15,880 --> 02:06:19,440
Speaker 43: Yeah, like even early on, like Tiana having a sweet

2817
02:06:19,480 --> 02:06:23,160
Speaker 43: sixteen getting signed for around like and then you got

2818
02:06:23,240 --> 02:06:25,920
Speaker 43: like and still running around hallm still running around Harlem,

2819
02:06:26,080 --> 02:06:27,000
Speaker 43: like talking about Yo.

2820
02:06:27,120 --> 02:06:28,360
Speaker 20: I just came back from one of them.

2821
02:06:28,360 --> 02:06:31,839
Speaker 43: See some park I did the tone woping and Harlem

2822
02:06:31,840 --> 02:06:34,960
Speaker 43: shake for Beyonce and that's space.

2823
02:06:35,080 --> 02:06:36,640
Speaker 2: You know, it's funny you hear old stories are like,

2824
02:06:37,480 --> 02:06:39,560
Speaker 2: you know, we was all young, struggling trying to get

2825
02:06:39,560 --> 02:06:42,880
Speaker 2: out this and the story you guys tell of this

2826
02:06:42,960 --> 02:06:47,480
Speaker 2: time in this generation is not that we wasn't young, struggling,

2827
02:06:47,480 --> 02:06:49,680
Speaker 2: trying to get out of hard time, trying to feed

2828
02:06:49,720 --> 02:06:51,800
Speaker 2: our face. Of course, everybody's always trying to make money,

2829
02:06:51,840 --> 02:06:53,640
Speaker 2: take care of your family. But I mean the story

2830
02:06:53,720 --> 02:06:56,640
Speaker 2: is not that. The story is like we were young,

2831
02:06:57,200 --> 02:07:01,440
Speaker 2: we will fly. We wanted to be more then just fly.

2832
02:07:02,720 --> 02:07:05,720
Speaker 43: It was having fun and it was then internet too,

2833
02:07:05,800 --> 02:07:10,440
Speaker 43: so it was like it was a lot of entrepreneurial energy.

2834
02:07:10,600 --> 02:07:14,840
Speaker 2: Then you had another relationship, yeah, very public relationship that

2835
02:07:14,960 --> 02:07:17,520
Speaker 2: people it was weird because you guys shared a lot,

2836
02:07:17,600 --> 02:07:19,960
Speaker 2: but you didn't share a lot like we saw photos

2837
02:07:20,000 --> 02:07:23,840
Speaker 2: and we saw we saw it happened, and people were

2838
02:07:23,880 --> 02:07:26,120
Speaker 2: invested because he kind of manifested.

2839
02:07:25,600 --> 02:07:26,520
Speaker 8: It in a way.

2840
02:07:26,640 --> 02:07:28,720
Speaker 22: Yeah, I think, you know, when it comes to me

2841
02:07:29,680 --> 02:07:31,880
Speaker 22: in relationships, there's a lot of times people don't even

2842
02:07:31,920 --> 02:07:35,040
Speaker 22: see who I date, right, and with that one, it

2843
02:07:35,160 --> 02:07:37,200
Speaker 22: just felt special enough to share, you know what I mean.

2844
02:07:37,240 --> 02:07:39,800
Speaker 22: I think we both on the same page. And then

2845
02:07:39,840 --> 02:07:43,240
Speaker 22: it's like I don't believe you have to give it

2846
02:07:43,320 --> 02:07:46,920
Speaker 22: all to show that you're together, but you know, it

2847
02:07:47,120 --> 02:07:48,120
Speaker 22: just felt right, you.

2848
02:07:48,080 --> 02:07:50,080
Speaker 8: Know, having fun until it seemed like you having fun

2849
02:07:50,120 --> 02:07:50,440
Speaker 8: with her.

2850
02:07:50,840 --> 02:07:53,480
Speaker 22: Sure, I think you know it felt right, like the right.

2851
02:07:53,800 --> 02:07:57,880
Speaker 22: It didn't like we both have our own thing going on.

2852
02:07:57,960 --> 02:07:59,560
Speaker 22: It's like cool, like both these worlds came.

2853
02:07:59,480 --> 02:08:02,839
Speaker 8: Together, like you can share it. And you've been quiet lately.

2854
02:08:03,280 --> 02:08:05,600
Speaker 8: Are you guys together still or no?

2855
02:08:05,600 --> 02:08:06,160
Speaker 9: No?

2856
02:08:06,160 --> 02:08:12,360
Speaker 22: No, yeah, not my choice, but you know I respect him.

2857
02:08:12,520 --> 02:08:13,200
Speaker 13: It's all loved.

2858
02:08:13,400 --> 02:08:14,840
Speaker 8: It's not your choice.

2859
02:08:15,360 --> 02:08:18,600
Speaker 22: I wouldn't have chose it, but it was what was best.

2860
02:08:18,680 --> 02:08:19,720
Speaker 22: But I wouldn't have chosen it.

2861
02:08:19,760 --> 02:08:23,240
Speaker 8: No, what are you saying to me right now, Angela Simmons.

2862
02:08:23,240 --> 02:08:25,160
Speaker 22: I'm saying that I'm a lover. I love love, I

2863
02:08:25,160 --> 02:08:27,440
Speaker 22: love relationships. I you know, I stay.

2864
02:08:28,760 --> 02:08:33,160
Speaker 2: This man proclaimed that he wanted to get with Angela Simmons.

2865
02:08:33,200 --> 02:08:35,000
Speaker 8: This man like pursued you.

2866
02:08:35,080 --> 02:08:38,200
Speaker 2: He proclaimed it in front of everybody that he wants

2867
02:08:38,200 --> 02:08:39,200
Speaker 2: Angela Simmons.

2868
02:08:39,280 --> 02:08:42,800
Speaker 44: So you're not telling me that he that he did

2869
02:08:42,880 --> 02:08:47,000
Speaker 44: he in the relationship. It was my choice, you know.

2870
02:08:47,320 --> 02:08:50,080
Speaker 44: I just I had to make a decision. But I

2871
02:08:50,120 --> 02:08:54,360
Speaker 44: think there's a certain level of like what I will

2872
02:08:54,400 --> 02:08:55,240
Speaker 44: always what I.

2873
02:08:55,240 --> 02:08:58,120
Speaker 8: Can share and would share publicly, you know what I mean.

2874
02:08:58,200 --> 02:09:00,880
Speaker 22: And I can probably say that I'm not him anymore anymore,

2875
02:09:01,120 --> 02:09:04,120
Speaker 22: But as far as like details, I would just never

2876
02:09:04,320 --> 02:09:07,200
Speaker 22: It's nice though, Nah, Like I'm just not that girl,

2877
02:09:07,280 --> 02:09:09,640
Speaker 22: Like I'm just not that girl ever to share that

2878
02:09:09,760 --> 02:09:12,040
Speaker 22: much more like other than like, yeah we're not together.

2879
02:09:12,240 --> 02:09:15,200
Speaker 8: Yeah, and he's not really that type either, So yeah,

2880
02:09:15,280 --> 02:09:17,080
Speaker 8: I just that's yeah, that's my vibe though.

2881
02:09:17,120 --> 02:09:18,600
Speaker 22: Like I said, like I could have probably been in

2882
02:09:18,640 --> 02:09:20,440
Speaker 22: and out of like four or five other relationships. People

2883
02:09:20,440 --> 02:09:22,800
Speaker 22: would have never known and gotten my feelings hurt or

2884
02:09:22,960 --> 02:09:25,400
Speaker 22: not or whatever, and I just wouldn't speak on it

2885
02:09:25,600 --> 02:09:29,520
Speaker 22: because some stuff is just better left unsaid. I feel like,

2886
02:09:29,960 --> 02:09:31,480
Speaker 22: so I just leave things alone.

2887
02:09:31,600 --> 02:09:33,800
Speaker 8: It's just that it was so public. I know. That's

2888
02:09:33,840 --> 02:09:36,000
Speaker 8: the hard part. Do you regret that in a way

2889
02:09:36,080 --> 02:09:36,200
Speaker 8: or not?

2890
02:09:36,360 --> 02:09:36,400
Speaker 2: No?

2891
02:09:36,720 --> 02:09:41,120
Speaker 8: No, no, because you know now this curiosity. I want

2892
02:09:41,160 --> 02:09:44,080
Speaker 8: to know what happened. I know, I know, but but

2893
02:09:44,120 --> 02:09:44,880
Speaker 8: I understand that.

2894
02:09:45,200 --> 02:09:47,760
Speaker 22: Look I just again like much love and respect to

2895
02:09:47,840 --> 02:09:52,040
Speaker 22: him and just like I he's doing his Thing'm happy

2896
02:09:52,080 --> 02:09:52,520
Speaker 22: for him.

2897
02:09:53,080 --> 02:09:58,080
Speaker 2: Ran its course, whether that season is past, I guess, yeah, yeah.

2898
02:09:58,560 --> 02:10:02,400
Speaker 8: Was there heartbreak involved? You know my films were involved?

2899
02:10:02,840 --> 02:10:07,280
Speaker 22: Feel Yeah, yeah, you know, I it is hard I

2900
02:10:07,320 --> 02:10:09,480
Speaker 22: feel like for me in relationships because I get really

2901
02:10:09,520 --> 02:10:13,240
Speaker 22: invested and I'm like in like in when I'm in

2902
02:10:13,240 --> 02:10:15,640
Speaker 22: love I'm in love, like, which means like I will

2903
02:10:15,680 --> 02:10:19,920
Speaker 22: stay with you, but yeah, my phone's you know, it

2904
02:10:19,920 --> 02:10:22,560
Speaker 22: didn't feel good to not do, to not view with them.

2905
02:10:22,720 --> 02:10:25,040
Speaker 8: What is that that coming to an end unto you?

2906
02:10:25,200 --> 02:10:26,400
Speaker 8: Or what have you learned about love?

2907
02:10:26,560 --> 02:10:30,560
Speaker 22: Or I mean you just never know, you know. I'm again,

2908
02:10:30,640 --> 02:10:31,200
Speaker 22: I'm a lover.

2909
02:10:31,400 --> 02:10:33,760
Speaker 8: I love love, and I've.

2910
02:10:33,560 --> 02:10:35,800
Speaker 22: Been in relationships where I think is it re married?

2911
02:10:35,840 --> 02:10:38,840
Speaker 22: And then it's I'm not married, So there I am.

2912
02:10:38,920 --> 02:10:41,880
Speaker 22: And then this life can be just really unpredictable, I

2913
02:10:41,920 --> 02:10:45,840
Speaker 22: think often, and it's really hard for me. I would

2914
02:10:45,840 --> 02:10:49,960
Speaker 22: say to date too, because I feel like the woman

2915
02:10:50,080 --> 02:10:54,200
Speaker 22: that people watch they fantasize who that is and they

2916
02:10:54,200 --> 02:10:58,320
Speaker 22: don't know me. So then maybe and I'm not speaking

2917
02:10:58,320 --> 02:11:01,120
Speaker 22: specifically on him, I'm saying John, like, then you get

2918
02:11:01,120 --> 02:11:03,280
Speaker 22: in a relationship with me and you're like, oh, I

2919
02:11:03,280 --> 02:11:04,880
Speaker 22: thought you were like this. I'm like, bro, like it

2920
02:11:05,000 --> 02:11:07,160
Speaker 22: was like five seconds in my life, like this is

2921
02:11:07,160 --> 02:11:07,640
Speaker 22: who I am?

2922
02:11:07,880 --> 02:11:08,400
Speaker 8: You know what I mean.

2923
02:11:08,400 --> 02:11:10,840
Speaker 22: And not that that's a bad thing, but you can

2924
02:11:10,920 --> 02:11:13,600
Speaker 22: have a fantasy of what a girl is like and

2925
02:11:13,640 --> 02:11:15,000
Speaker 22: then like you get them in, they're.

2926
02:11:14,840 --> 02:11:15,560
Speaker 8: A bit different.

2927
02:11:17,120 --> 02:11:18,960
Speaker 22: I don't know, I might need to get a guy

2928
02:11:18,960 --> 02:11:19,880
Speaker 22: in here an interview.

2929
02:11:19,680 --> 02:11:22,160
Speaker 8: And because I've had a lot of guys that said.

2930
02:11:21,920 --> 02:11:24,960
Speaker 22: Like they you know, like oh I have a crushed

2931
02:11:25,040 --> 02:11:26,320
Speaker 22: or I like you, and I'm just like, well what

2932
02:11:26,360 --> 02:11:27,040
Speaker 22: does that mean?

2933
02:11:27,520 --> 02:11:28,320
Speaker 8: Like you know what I mean?

2934
02:11:28,400 --> 02:11:30,320
Speaker 2: Like what you like me?

2935
02:11:30,880 --> 02:11:30,960
Speaker 18: Do?

2936
02:11:31,040 --> 02:11:32,200
Speaker 8: You know? You know what I mean?

2937
02:11:32,200 --> 02:11:35,200
Speaker 22: But I think that that that's a hard part for

2938
02:11:35,280 --> 02:11:39,040
Speaker 22: me is like growing up on TV from now from

2939
02:11:39,080 --> 02:11:42,520
Speaker 22: seventeen and now it's like you think that's who I am,

2940
02:11:42,560 --> 02:11:45,320
Speaker 22: and who I really am is like this way versus

2941
02:11:45,320 --> 02:11:50,640
Speaker 22: that way or whatever. It's an interesting it's interesting, No, totally,

2942
02:11:51,040 --> 02:11:52,920
Speaker 22: it's different. I've never had none of my friends deal

2943
02:11:52,960 --> 02:11:56,000
Speaker 22: with this type of mess like like you are, cause

2944
02:11:56,000 --> 02:11:58,040
Speaker 22: you get to meet some on and that's who they

2945
02:11:58,040 --> 02:12:00,000
Speaker 22: are and they don't you have no prejudgment to it,

2946
02:12:00,080 --> 02:12:01,560
Speaker 22: you know what I mean. Like I'm kind of like

2947
02:12:01,640 --> 02:12:05,680
Speaker 22: automatically your run's daughter, you see this that like it's

2948
02:12:05,720 --> 02:12:08,360
Speaker 22: just mad things that you think automatically coming in and

2949
02:12:08,400 --> 02:12:09,800
Speaker 22: to be like, nah.

2950
02:12:09,680 --> 02:12:11,920
Speaker 2: It's not my life. Yeah, you know, it's interesting. And

2951
02:12:11,960 --> 02:12:17,560
Speaker 2: you were talking about how people had a fantasy of you. Yeah, right,

2952
02:12:18,960 --> 02:12:21,280
Speaker 2: there was also like a level of fantasy put on

2953
02:12:21,320 --> 02:12:22,200
Speaker 2: this relationship.

2954
02:12:22,360 --> 02:12:23,840
Speaker 13: I agree, you know what I'm.

2955
02:12:23,680 --> 02:12:26,000
Speaker 2: Saying, and it was number one the way he came

2956
02:12:26,080 --> 02:12:28,160
Speaker 2: at you, and then it actually happened, and then it

2957
02:12:28,200 --> 02:12:30,360
Speaker 2: became a whole thing. You're in the beautiful mansions with

2958
02:12:30,440 --> 02:12:34,440
Speaker 2: the dress something and it's almost like there's expectations of

2959
02:12:34,520 --> 02:12:37,320
Speaker 2: the I just wonder from the airside, did you feel

2960
02:12:37,320 --> 02:12:40,680
Speaker 2: like that too or was that not how we perceived it?

2961
02:12:41,280 --> 02:12:42,560
Speaker 8: Did you perceive it that way?

2962
02:12:42,680 --> 02:12:48,200
Speaker 22: I think everything has like, uh, what people see versus

2963
02:12:48,240 --> 02:12:51,760
Speaker 22: what it is. And we had we are you know,

2964
02:12:51,800 --> 02:12:54,600
Speaker 22: we had a lot of great beautiful like memories with

2965
02:12:54,920 --> 02:12:55,920
Speaker 22: like being together.

2966
02:12:56,000 --> 02:12:57,040
Speaker 8: I feel like, you know, so.

2967
02:12:58,640 --> 02:13:01,120
Speaker 22: What they seen was really happening in real time, you

2968
02:13:01,120 --> 02:13:02,880
Speaker 22: know what I mean? Or like I'm you know, any

2969
02:13:02,920 --> 02:13:05,600
Speaker 22: of the picture like that's what was happening. And most

2970
02:13:05,640 --> 02:13:09,240
Speaker 22: definitely like we've had beautiful times so.

2971
02:13:09,360 --> 02:13:11,280
Speaker 4: But we only saw that we didn't see.

2972
02:13:12,000 --> 02:13:14,160
Speaker 8: That's the thing about social media. Social media show you.

2973
02:13:14,320 --> 02:13:16,720
Speaker 22: I feel like that's like anyone's relationship. Like I feel

2974
02:13:16,760 --> 02:13:19,080
Speaker 22: like you go to a girl's page right now and

2975
02:13:19,160 --> 02:13:22,080
Speaker 22: she'll have like tons of flowers up and all these

2976
02:13:22,280 --> 02:13:25,080
Speaker 22: bursts and different stuff, and you'll be like I want that.

2977
02:13:25,160 --> 02:13:26,960
Speaker 22: I've learned never to say that I don't want nothing

2978
02:13:27,000 --> 02:13:28,440
Speaker 22: nobody got, but you.

2979
02:13:28,360 --> 02:13:29,200
Speaker 8: Know I want that.

2980
02:13:29,240 --> 02:13:32,320
Speaker 22: And behind the scenes, it's like they are going through it.

2981
02:13:32,320 --> 02:13:34,120
Speaker 22: They don't want to be together, you know, like you

2982
02:13:34,200 --> 02:13:34,920
Speaker 22: just don't know.

2983
02:13:35,160 --> 02:13:37,320
Speaker 8: Yeah, you know what I mean. So oh, social media

2984
02:13:37,400 --> 02:13:39,680
Speaker 8: is a devil. It's terrible. It's a fake book.

2985
02:13:39,680 --> 02:13:40,440
Speaker 16: I don't want to read it.

2986
02:13:40,800 --> 02:13:43,160
Speaker 8: I want the truth. But you participate in the book.

2987
02:13:43,240 --> 02:13:45,120
Speaker 22: Yeah, But I participate in the book of just showing

2988
02:13:45,160 --> 02:13:47,640
Speaker 22: things that I like. I like pictures and beautiful things.

2989
02:13:47,920 --> 02:13:51,320
Speaker 22: Poor Instagram got big. I literally had probably three five

2990
02:13:51,360 --> 02:13:54,320
Speaker 22: fouls whatever. It was, Like, I like, I like pictures,

2991
02:13:54,400 --> 02:13:56,640
Speaker 22: like art. I'm a creative, so like for me, like

2992
02:13:57,160 --> 02:13:59,280
Speaker 22: I just like that stuff. But I participate just in

2993
02:13:59,320 --> 02:14:00,080
Speaker 22: what I like to look at it.

2994
02:14:00,200 --> 02:14:00,600
Speaker 8: It's all.

2995
02:14:00,920 --> 02:14:03,600
Speaker 22: But I'm saying, like you would never know what someone's

2996
02:14:03,640 --> 02:14:05,760
Speaker 22: going through by social media.

2997
02:14:05,880 --> 02:14:08,960
Speaker 8: I just don't know. You gotta be there to know

2998
02:14:09,640 --> 02:14:10,040
Speaker 8: for sure.

2999
02:14:10,240 --> 02:14:11,400
Speaker 36: I'll try to figure it all out.

3000
02:14:11,400 --> 02:14:13,600
Speaker 31: And I worked at fail for Marriott, I worked at

3001
02:14:13,600 --> 02:14:15,440
Speaker 31: Dollar Trees. I worked at all the trees. Look at

3002
02:14:15,440 --> 02:14:18,800
Speaker 31: a dollar char tree, don't work all over the place.

3003
02:14:18,960 --> 02:14:21,200
Speaker 31: And then after that, I was I kept hearing music

3004
02:14:21,240 --> 02:14:22,800
Speaker 31: in this building and I was where I was working

3005
02:14:22,840 --> 02:14:24,960
Speaker 31: at and I was like, who's playing this music? And

3006
02:14:25,120 --> 02:14:26,880
Speaker 31: come to find out with South Coast Music Group, and

3007
02:14:26,920 --> 02:14:28,480
Speaker 31: then they had Baby Jesus and then.

3008
02:14:28,440 --> 02:14:31,520
Speaker 36: I was his admin. Now he's called the Baby, you know.

3009
02:14:31,600 --> 02:14:33,600
Speaker 31: So I was assisting the baby at the time, back

3010
02:14:33,640 --> 02:14:34,520
Speaker 31: in twenty seventeen.

3011
02:14:35,040 --> 02:14:38,360
Speaker 2: The baby, yeah had you as an assistant and you

3012
02:14:38,360 --> 02:14:40,800
Speaker 2: were fresh out of college, right, fresh fresh yet like, yeah,

3013
02:14:40,840 --> 02:14:42,040
Speaker 2: twenty seventeen.

3014
02:14:41,680 --> 02:14:43,880
Speaker 8: Were you a good assistant? I got fired?

3015
02:14:45,880 --> 02:14:46,040
Speaker 20: Right?

3016
02:14:46,080 --> 02:14:47,520
Speaker 8: What did you do that got you fired?

3017
02:14:47,800 --> 02:14:50,839
Speaker 36: I wasn't focused on that job, Like I don't.

3018
02:14:50,680 --> 02:14:53,200
Speaker 8: Give me assistant vibes. Yeah, Like I wasn't focused.

3019
02:14:53,240 --> 02:14:55,680
Speaker 2: I mean with the glasses maybe a little bit right really,

3020
02:14:55,920 --> 02:14:56,160
Speaker 2: you know.

3021
02:14:56,400 --> 02:14:59,040
Speaker 31: But I wasn't focused, and I think they knew that,

3022
02:14:59,200 --> 02:15:01,400
Speaker 31: you know, when I came. Men like this girl wants

3023
02:15:01,440 --> 02:15:03,640
Speaker 31: to be a comedian. She wants to be in the

3024
02:15:03,760 --> 02:15:07,120
Speaker 31: entertainment industry herself. But we're happy that she's here to

3025
02:15:07,200 --> 02:15:09,520
Speaker 31: help us because I graduated already, so I had like

3026
02:15:09,560 --> 02:15:13,800
Speaker 31: little college connections and the baby, Baby Jesus back then

3027
02:15:13,960 --> 02:15:15,960
Speaker 31: was trying to get into the college room of things,

3028
02:15:16,000 --> 02:15:19,000
Speaker 31: and I was helping him, you know, and still doing

3029
02:15:19,760 --> 02:15:22,880
Speaker 31: little radio plays for you know, Arnold Taylor, and you know,

3030
02:15:22,960 --> 02:15:25,600
Speaker 31: he was just like, you're gonna have to slide off,

3031
02:15:25,720 --> 02:15:26,720
Speaker 31: you know the same where you.

3032
02:15:26,760 --> 02:15:29,360
Speaker 8: Have you seen the baby says yes all the time.

3033
02:15:29,400 --> 02:15:30,240
Speaker 36: We talk all the time.

3034
02:15:30,280 --> 02:15:31,440
Speaker 4: So it didn't end badly.

3035
02:15:31,640 --> 02:15:33,600
Speaker 36: No, they were just like, you can't do this anymore.

3036
02:15:33,840 --> 02:15:36,200
Speaker 31: He didn't fire me, okay, Arnold did, and I was

3037
02:15:36,240 --> 02:15:38,680
Speaker 31: just like we go ahead and focus on their comedies.

3038
02:15:38,960 --> 02:15:40,720
Speaker 36: And then me and Arnold was like this, oh.

3039
02:15:40,640 --> 02:15:42,880
Speaker 31: Still yeah, so we never yeah, we didn't have any

3040
02:15:42,920 --> 02:15:43,960
Speaker 31: bad ending.

3041
02:15:44,040 --> 02:15:46,720
Speaker 36: It was just like he pushed me to my greatness.

3042
02:15:46,800 --> 02:15:47,000
Speaker 2: You know.

3043
02:15:47,120 --> 02:15:49,040
Speaker 31: He was the one that says you gotta go. And

3044
02:15:49,080 --> 02:15:51,960
Speaker 31: from there that's when the viral moments happened.

3045
02:15:52,000 --> 02:15:54,320
Speaker 8: So you have this moment you get pregnant.

3046
02:15:55,720 --> 02:15:58,520
Speaker 2: This is happy right away, right, You're like thrilled right away,

3047
02:15:58,920 --> 02:16:02,400
Speaker 2: right away. You tell your mom, Yeah, how's your mom

3048
02:16:02,440 --> 02:16:03,000
Speaker 2: about this?

3049
02:16:03,160 --> 02:16:04,200
Speaker 45: Oh my gosh.

3050
02:16:04,400 --> 02:16:04,800
Speaker 36: It was.

3051
02:16:04,960 --> 02:16:08,240
Speaker 45: It was so crazy because thank god for technology, because

3052
02:16:08,240 --> 02:16:13,760
Speaker 45: it was absolutely a FaceTime. We were in Saint Louis

3053
02:16:14,720 --> 02:16:18,400
Speaker 45: and it was it was such a beautiful feeling, you know,

3054
02:16:18,600 --> 02:16:21,720
Speaker 45: because my mom and dad were like so emotional and

3055
02:16:21,840 --> 02:16:22,440
Speaker 45: so happy.

3056
02:16:23,360 --> 02:16:25,160
Speaker 8: I know, we never talked about your dad were always

3057
02:16:25,160 --> 02:16:29,400
Speaker 8: like your mom, right, we know exactly, but your dad

3058
02:16:29,480 --> 02:16:30,240
Speaker 8: is a parent too.

3059
02:16:30,520 --> 02:16:31,400
Speaker 16: Absolutely.

3060
02:16:32,240 --> 02:16:35,400
Speaker 45: Dad was so happy because you know, he's had girls

3061
02:16:35,440 --> 02:16:39,280
Speaker 45: obviously and this is like the first well not the

3062
02:16:39,360 --> 02:16:42,320
Speaker 45: first boy, but obviously just my first boy. So it

3063
02:16:42,440 --> 02:16:45,879
Speaker 45: was just so dope to see their reaction. And my

3064
02:16:46,000 --> 02:16:48,120
Speaker 45: son his middle name is named after my dad.

3065
02:16:48,480 --> 02:16:50,440
Speaker 36: He was elated. I mean, obviously we didn't know it

3066
02:16:50,480 --> 02:16:51,439
Speaker 36: was a boy at first.

3067
02:16:51,560 --> 02:16:54,160
Speaker 45: But just the first time telling them, they were so

3068
02:16:54,240 --> 02:16:55,840
Speaker 45: emotional and so excited.

3069
02:16:56,160 --> 02:16:57,359
Speaker 12: Same with his parents.

3070
02:16:59,040 --> 02:17:00,440
Speaker 36: Yeah, it was, it was.

3071
02:17:00,560 --> 02:17:01,240
Speaker 12: It was a time.

3072
02:17:01,440 --> 02:17:05,920
Speaker 8: That's beautiful, baby so excited. Being a mom is like changes.

3073
02:17:05,560 --> 02:17:07,720
Speaker 13: The game, It changes everything.

3074
02:17:08,000 --> 02:17:11,400
Speaker 2: Yes, tell me, how, tell me what's Tell me? What's

3075
02:17:11,440 --> 02:17:13,680
Speaker 2: the thing that nobody told you? Was there anything that

3076
02:17:13,720 --> 02:17:16,320
Speaker 2: happened that you're like, why did anybody say this to me?

3077
02:17:17,280 --> 02:17:19,520
Speaker 8: Hmm? Is there anything that has surprised you?

3078
02:17:19,879 --> 02:17:26,640
Speaker 45: I can't say surprised in that way only because my

3079
02:17:26,720 --> 02:17:28,680
Speaker 45: mom and I are so close, so she has told

3080
02:17:28,720 --> 02:17:32,560
Speaker 45: me so many things. I think what kind of surprised

3081
02:17:32,600 --> 02:17:35,640
Speaker 45: me is are those feelings You don't know that until

3082
02:17:35,640 --> 02:17:36,840
Speaker 45: you feel it, you know what I mean?

3083
02:17:36,959 --> 02:17:38,440
Speaker 8: So the the.

3084
02:17:39,840 --> 02:17:43,200
Speaker 45: Feeling when your baby is crying and you know we're

3085
02:17:43,200 --> 02:17:45,760
Speaker 45: in the hospital that I don't want nobody to touch them.

3086
02:17:45,600 --> 02:17:46,199
Speaker 8: The doctors.

3087
02:17:46,560 --> 02:17:47,280
Speaker 13: I was in pain.

3088
02:17:47,360 --> 02:17:49,240
Speaker 45: I was standing up with the wires and shit.

3089
02:17:49,160 --> 02:17:49,880
Speaker 8: Nah, I don't touch it.

3090
02:17:49,879 --> 02:17:50,960
Speaker 36: That's too hard. Don't do that.

3091
02:17:52,320 --> 02:17:53,200
Speaker 16: Wait, it's so cold.

3092
02:17:53,240 --> 02:17:54,480
Speaker 12: No, you need a blanket, you know.

3093
02:17:54,680 --> 02:17:59,920
Speaker 2: Like I'm you're in protective moment, immediately, selfless immediately.

3094
02:18:00,040 --> 02:18:03,640
Speaker 45: I remember like going to doctor appointments, and like there

3095
02:18:03,640 --> 02:18:04,960
Speaker 45: was one time I had to go to the hospital.

3096
02:18:05,000 --> 02:18:08,760
Speaker 45: I got sick and I would take no antibiotics, no medicine,

3097
02:18:08,840 --> 02:18:10,800
Speaker 45: and it got really bad, Like I got really sick,

3098
02:18:10,840 --> 02:18:12,400
Speaker 45: I got the flu and all of that, and I

3099
02:18:12,480 --> 02:18:13,680
Speaker 45: was just like, oh, I don't care about me. I

3100
02:18:13,720 --> 02:18:14,520
Speaker 45: don't care about my lungs.

3101
02:18:14,600 --> 02:18:17,720
Speaker 8: Is my baby okay, you know? And the doctor's like, well,

3102
02:18:17,760 --> 02:18:18,959
Speaker 8: we care about you.

3103
02:18:18,959 --> 02:18:21,400
Speaker 36: You have to be okay for your baby to be okay,

3104
02:18:21,720 --> 02:18:21,959
Speaker 36: you know.

3105
02:18:22,080 --> 02:18:24,119
Speaker 13: So I don't think you can become.

3106
02:18:23,840 --> 02:18:26,680
Speaker 15: Prepared for that until you feel it, really feel it.

3107
02:18:26,800 --> 02:18:28,560
Speaker 36: You don't know it until you really feel it.

3108
02:18:28,680 --> 02:18:31,039
Speaker 2: I grew up with a lot of women, not a

3109
02:18:31,040 --> 02:18:31,400
Speaker 2: lot of men.

3110
02:18:31,480 --> 02:18:31,680
Speaker 8: I had.

3111
02:18:33,000 --> 02:18:35,520
Speaker 2: My great grandfather was alive, he lived one hundred and five,

3112
02:18:36,080 --> 02:18:38,520
Speaker 2: but my great grand my grandfather and my grandfather great

3113
02:18:38,520 --> 02:18:41,320
Speaker 2: grandfather only two men that I had in my life,

3114
02:18:41,640 --> 02:18:44,880
Speaker 2: much older. And I always had like a sympathy for men.

3115
02:18:46,040 --> 02:18:48,000
Speaker 2: And maybe sympathy is like I don't know if you

3116
02:18:48,040 --> 02:18:51,240
Speaker 2: find that like a condescending, but I had always a

3117
02:18:51,280 --> 02:18:54,200
Speaker 2: sympathy for men because I would see them my grand

3118
02:18:54,240 --> 02:18:56,920
Speaker 2: you know, both of them were in wars. My great

3119
02:18:56,920 --> 02:18:58,280
Speaker 2: grandfather came here from Cuba and.

3120
02:18:58,280 --> 02:19:00,320
Speaker 8: A damn little boat, you know.

3121
02:19:00,440 --> 02:19:02,840
Speaker 2: Like I always had a sympathy for how much you

3122
02:19:02,879 --> 02:19:05,480
Speaker 2: have to hold or what's expected of you to hold.

3123
02:19:05,680 --> 02:19:10,240
Speaker 2: And I don't know, I just always especially older men,

3124
02:19:10,480 --> 02:19:12,879
Speaker 2: if you think about the generations even before us, because

3125
02:19:12,879 --> 02:19:15,879
Speaker 2: you even can say you comfortably sitting here and saying

3126
02:19:16,080 --> 02:19:19,760
Speaker 2: I cried. Would your father or your grandfather maybe have

3127
02:19:19,840 --> 02:19:22,280
Speaker 2: that freedom or that comfort to be able to say that.

3128
02:19:22,400 --> 02:19:22,920
Speaker 36: I don't know.

3129
02:19:23,040 --> 02:19:25,199
Speaker 21: But my two dads, and I say, my two dads

3130
02:19:25,200 --> 02:19:28,160
Speaker 21: have a bion a nine bio. Dad were both huggers

3131
02:19:28,200 --> 02:19:29,320
Speaker 21: and kissers and lovers.

3132
02:19:29,400 --> 02:19:31,119
Speaker 2: Oh, so you had a different experience than what I'm

3133
02:19:31,120 --> 02:19:31,600
Speaker 2: talking about.

3134
02:19:31,720 --> 02:19:32,360
Speaker 5: Yeah, but.

3135
02:19:34,040 --> 02:19:36,600
Speaker 21: They are gonna hug and kiss you, but you get

3136
02:19:36,640 --> 02:19:39,160
Speaker 21: fim advice on the front or back end. So it

3137
02:19:39,240 --> 02:19:40,760
Speaker 21: was still you're a man, you know, what I mean,

3138
02:19:40,959 --> 02:19:44,280
Speaker 21: you're a man. You're expected. Now I love you, but

3139
02:19:44,320 --> 02:19:46,920
Speaker 21: you are expected to get that grass cut or you're

3140
02:19:46,920 --> 02:19:48,560
Speaker 21: gonna become grass in the dark if you don't do

3141
02:19:48,600 --> 02:19:49,400
Speaker 21: it in the daylight when.

3142
02:19:49,640 --> 02:19:50,360
Speaker 9: I love you.

3143
02:19:50,760 --> 02:19:54,680
Speaker 21: But if you if you make a child, then I'm

3144
02:19:54,720 --> 02:19:57,160
Speaker 21: not going to beat the adult and grandfather that takes up

3145
02:19:57,160 --> 02:19:59,879
Speaker 21: your slap. You're going to work and take care of these.

3146
02:19:59,760 --> 02:20:00,720
Speaker 5: Chills, you know.

3147
02:20:00,760 --> 02:20:03,520
Speaker 21: So there was a there was a kindness and the

3148
02:20:03,600 --> 02:20:05,440
Speaker 21: tenderness to all the men. I had a lot of

3149
02:20:05,440 --> 02:20:06,840
Speaker 21: men in my family, had uncles.

3150
02:20:08,040 --> 02:20:11,080
Speaker 2: But was there an emotional like, uh, that was were

3151
02:20:11,120 --> 02:20:12,960
Speaker 2: y'all allowed to be emotionally?

3152
02:20:13,080 --> 02:20:15,039
Speaker 21: You weren't gonna out of emotion to women. That was

3153
02:20:15,080 --> 02:20:17,280
Speaker 21: frying fun, that was frond and pointed by the women.

3154
02:20:17,680 --> 02:20:17,959
Speaker 5: But you.

3155
02:20:19,440 --> 02:20:21,879
Speaker 21: Yeah, but that's part of the Yeah, you could get

3156
02:20:21,879 --> 02:20:22,279
Speaker 21: it out.

3157
02:20:22,200 --> 02:20:23,440
Speaker 8: Part of a position we put you in.

3158
02:20:23,560 --> 02:20:25,040
Speaker 5: Yeah, my family, my family get you.

3159
02:20:25,160 --> 02:20:26,920
Speaker 21: You get one good, get it out, go ahead and

3160
02:20:26,959 --> 02:20:29,200
Speaker 21: get the crowd, and then you have to take care

3161
02:20:29,240 --> 02:20:32,039
Speaker 21: of these women and children. So you know, whatever you

3162
02:20:32,080 --> 02:20:33,640
Speaker 21: need to get out, just get out. And that's what

3163
02:20:33,959 --> 02:20:36,800
Speaker 21: my song Shed Tears is about going in the bathroom

3164
02:20:37,000 --> 02:20:39,800
Speaker 21: as men sometime and sometimes you just got to go

3165
02:20:39,800 --> 02:20:41,000
Speaker 21: in the bathroom, look at the mirror a man, and

3166
02:20:41,040 --> 02:20:42,880
Speaker 21: get the crowd, because on the other side of the

3167
02:20:42,959 --> 02:20:45,080
Speaker 21: door is your responsibility to the people you're accountable for,

3168
02:20:45,160 --> 02:20:46,200
Speaker 21: the people you're accountable too.

3169
02:20:46,400 --> 02:20:48,160
Speaker 8: Is that enough to be healthy that?

3170
02:20:48,360 --> 02:20:49,400
Speaker 21: I don't know.

3171
02:20:49,480 --> 02:20:51,760
Speaker 2: Honey bag y'all talked about that on our episode too,

3172
02:20:51,760 --> 02:20:53,960
Speaker 2: because he had a lot of loss recently, you know,

3173
02:20:54,000 --> 02:20:56,600
Speaker 2: and he talks about being being in the meeting and

3174
02:20:56,640 --> 02:20:58,760
Speaker 2: walking and being like bred back, going to the bathroom,

3175
02:20:58,800 --> 02:21:01,200
Speaker 2: getting the cry yeah yeah, and then coming back. So

3176
02:21:01,280 --> 02:21:03,600
Speaker 2: I'm assuming that that is way more common than we know,

3177
02:21:03,720 --> 02:21:05,080
Speaker 2: especially of our generation.

3178
02:21:05,840 --> 02:21:07,440
Speaker 21: No, I think me and peerterre, I think it goes

3179
02:21:07,480 --> 02:21:09,720
Speaker 21: back further. I think men. I think this has been

3180
02:21:09,720 --> 02:21:14,000
Speaker 21: a coping mechanism longer. But you you are a man. Fuck,

3181
02:21:14,000 --> 02:21:15,720
Speaker 21: I'm gonna do sit here, have a crime context with

3182
02:21:15,760 --> 02:21:17,920
Speaker 21: my woman all day. It's somebody got to get up,

3183
02:21:18,400 --> 02:21:19,640
Speaker 21: you know. She got to get up in ten of

3184
02:21:19,640 --> 02:21:22,240
Speaker 21: these children. She got to still make sure that dealer's gonnahit.

3185
02:21:22,320 --> 02:21:23,680
Speaker 21: But she still got to make sure the finance and

3186
02:21:23,680 --> 02:21:25,960
Speaker 21: everything managing out. I can't manage to get my ass

3187
02:21:26,000 --> 02:21:27,880
Speaker 21: up and get to work. I got to get to work.

3188
02:21:28,360 --> 02:21:30,080
Speaker 21: You know, my cousin gone. What they said about the

3189
02:21:30,520 --> 02:21:31,879
Speaker 21: dead bear of the dead, you know what I mean,

3190
02:21:31,920 --> 02:21:34,360
Speaker 21: that's it. She's goneless. Nothing I can do about it,

3191
02:21:34,400 --> 02:21:37,160
Speaker 21: but she lives on through me, through her nieces or nephews.

3192
02:21:37,360 --> 02:21:39,280
Speaker 21: I'm gonna go to the fielding. I'm gonna share some

3193
02:21:39,320 --> 02:21:42,280
Speaker 21: tears remembering my cousin. But I'm still gotta be there

3194
02:21:42,320 --> 02:21:45,119
Speaker 21: for her mother. I still gotta be there for my auntie.

3195
02:21:45,200 --> 02:21:46,920
Speaker 21: I still gotta be there for my sister. So I

3196
02:21:46,920 --> 02:21:51,280
Speaker 21: don't don't waste your time crying. You know, cry, get

3197
02:21:51,320 --> 02:21:54,160
Speaker 21: it out, let it be effective, breathe, meditate on it, pray,

3198
02:21:54,360 --> 02:21:56,320
Speaker 21: but you got to get back to living.

3199
02:22:01,600 --> 02:22:02,720
Speaker 4: Hey, guys, thanks for watching.

3200
02:22:02,760 --> 02:22:06,120
Speaker 2: Make sure you subscribe, like comments, and check out all

3201
02:22:06,200 --> 02:22:07,840
Speaker 2: of the other episodes we have on Edge.

3202
02:22:07,879 --> 02:22:08,640
Speaker 8: Martinez I R.

3203
02:22:08,800 --> 02:22:09,279
Speaker 16: Podcast