Speaker 1: Portions of This Is Americans Live, The improvised documentary podcast,
Speaker 1: are brought to you by listeners like yourself, are esteemed sponsors,
Speaker 1: and the all powerful, all knowing Random Sentence Generator, which
Speaker 1: inspires the stories you're about to hear. Yes, whenever you
Speaker 1: hear this sound, the next sentence you hear is a
Speaker 1: random sentence provided by our revered omnipotent random sentence Generator.
Speaker 1: For more of This Is Americans Live, listen to more
Speaker 1: episodes of This Is Americans Live. I guess and now
Speaker 1: your first random sentence. David subscribes to the stuff your
Speaker 1: tent into the bag strategy over nicely folding it. Hey,
Speaker 1: where can I say? You only live once? You know?
Speaker 1: And uh, that's why I prefer not to be particularly
Speaker 1: neat and free wheeling. Did you ever think about maybe
Speaker 1: just rolling it up or doing it the way the factory?
Speaker 1: I like to put the bag on the other side
Speaker 1: of the room, open it up as wide as I can,
Speaker 1: spin around and yell out lebron and try to land
Speaker 1: inside of the bag. So you you applay like a
Speaker 1: basketball kind of philosophy to I apply a basketball philosophy
Speaker 1: to everything I do in life. Who's Lebron Lebron James.
Speaker 1: He's a professional basketball player. This is my grandpap. Uh,
Speaker 1: he's not familiar with this. What does it have to
Speaker 1: do with He had been taking care of his grandfather
Speaker 1: for a long time. He was an avid camper, used
Speaker 1: to go out at his freedom, his life. And then
Speaker 1: his grandfather had a stroke, and then he came back home.
Speaker 1: But he never lost ability or the need to go camping.
Speaker 1: I remember sitting by the fire, staring into the flickering flame.
Speaker 1: That's great. Now open your mouth, and just the airplanes
Speaker 1: coming into the fight. Got it, caught it. Uh, you're fine.
Speaker 1: He also applied the same philosophy of using basketball strategies
Speaker 1: to send his grandfather medication. Much like how he would
Speaker 1: throw his tent into the bag, he was constantly tossing
Speaker 1: his medication into his grandfather's mouth. All right, let's find
Speaker 1: when stay hand, let's pop it open. No, father, father,
Speaker 1: let me. I'm gonna roll your father. I'm gonna roll
Speaker 1: your father. Don't roll me down the stairs. I'm not
Speaker 1: going to roll you down the stairs, Grandpa. The neighbors
Speaker 1: started to notice that the grandfather was constantly choking and coughing.
Speaker 1: They called the Special Victims Unit, or as they call
Speaker 1: as they call it, the Elderly Protection Unit. They came
Speaker 1: to the house to see what was going on. You, sir,
Speaker 1: we got a call here there appears to be a
Speaker 1: man in distress. No, nobody's in distress. I can still here.
Speaker 1: I'm here. He assumes that I'm trying to harm him
Speaker 1: or you know, I'm not all he does. His harmony's
Speaker 1: arrogant and has a swaggers slagryers down. See what you're
Speaker 1: gonna want to do is you're gonna want to ignore
Speaker 1: what he stay and we're going to take a closer look.
Speaker 1: Where's my short They had to go to do an
Speaker 1: interview at the so Security office. The case worker behind
Speaker 1: the ask had a lot of questions for him. So, um,
Speaker 1: can you like explain why he's got so many bedstores? Well,
Speaker 1: because I'm afraid to turn him because if I move
Speaker 1: towards him, he screams out and accuses me of trying
Speaker 1: to hurt him. So I just kind of let him
Speaker 1: lay down, like you are you a song or a
Speaker 1: brief girl? So I don't think you don't have to
Speaker 1: dance him. It's oddly charming and I just kind of
Speaker 1: I don't know. I feel like maybe I should um so,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry I wear pants. Oh dear god, I like
Speaker 1: to huff on a grower. Do you guys need me
Speaker 1: here for this? I don't know. I think would you
Speaker 1: like to go to the car Junior? I kind of what, Grandpa?
Speaker 1: What cars Junior? Or we can go to Arbys. They
Speaker 1: have a new quality I a menu that will blow
Speaker 1: your mind. Listen, this woman's got a stack full of
Speaker 1: people where she doesn't. I think I'll take it from here,
Speaker 1: you know, I I think I gotta do. I kind
Speaker 1: of want to go and yeah, we're gonna have at Well,
Speaker 1: can you guys, did you guys decide if you're going
Speaker 1: to go to the calls doing your hobbies? Because if
Speaker 1: you're going to abbas, can you grab me a big beef?
Speaker 1: And the caseworker and the grand pod actually hit it off.
Speaker 1: Next thing you knew his grandfather was getting married to
Speaker 1: the caseworker, and the home dynamic change a little bit.
Speaker 1: All right, Grandpa, let me just go ahead and put
Speaker 1: this boot in their on you. Since getting made a
Speaker 1: big day? Do I have another text? You know, I'm
Speaker 1: afraid this one is ruined. Now, well that's all that
Speaker 1: calls Jane May and all the all the big beef
Speaker 1: and big beef and what big beef? And chet I'll
Speaker 1: be big beef? And why you gotta do this? Grandpa?
Speaker 1: Is your special day? You have a sun realized that
Speaker 1: he also had a little bit of a mental problem himself.
Speaker 1: The stutter of a sudden developed into more of a
Speaker 1: mental handicap, and then the tables are turned all of
Speaker 1: a sudden. He was being taken care of by his grandfather.
Speaker 1: No shave this after me, Bob, No, Bob. Just relax, Bob.
Speaker 1: Breathe in through your nose and out through your heart
Speaker 1: and just focus. You can do it, honey. First of all,
Speaker 1: you're not my real moms. Hey, don't shoot talk to
Speaker 1: her that or I will fling you, he said, mom
Speaker 1: without going with my mom. Well his card consonants or
Speaker 1: the ones that are causing him remorse socials. All right, Bob,
Speaker 1: I did I did? Hey mom, step mom? Can you
Speaker 1: make me some No, I don't want to call your mom.
Speaker 1: Yeah I would do. I do not want to call you, mom.
Speaker 1: Maybe you should go to your room. I like to
Speaker 1: be told what to do. You know what. I hate this.
Speaker 1: I hate this. Your lost car. Yeah, if you say,
Speaker 1: what what do you went on my radar? Were you said?
Speaker 1: I was going to say? I hate this family? Oh?
Speaker 1: I wish you would? That make you love me? Grandpa Pap.
Speaker 1: This is This is American's Life. I'm your host, Sorry,
Speaker 1: with producer Andy. A special guest contributor for this episode
Speaker 1: is Max Cook. This week's theme thrust. Do we trust
Speaker 1: our friends? Do we trust our partners? We trust our parents?
Speaker 1: Do we trust our neighbors? Do we trust the random
Speaker 1: professional who tells us that what we're seeing or what
Speaker 1: we're smelling is actually what we're seeing and smelling. To
Speaker 1: start off each story, we'll be using in our Trustee
Speaker 1: Sence Generator as a jumping off point. Im provides a
Speaker 1: show in three acts. This is This is America's Live
Speaker 1: Stay with Us. Act one. She was too short to
Speaker 1: see over the fence. The fence had never been the
Speaker 1: right size, but maybe this was a new day. What
Speaker 1: is going on over there? Do you hear that? I think? So? Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: what has happened? Can you be a dove and take
Speaker 1: a peek over that fence and tell me what's going
Speaker 1: on over there? Stand on my shoulders? Okay, just why
Speaker 1: do you have to wear these butter pants? Pants that
Speaker 1: have butter? I like them? Oh my god, he has
Speaker 1: a pool. I've just never my pool. I'm bailing in it.
Speaker 1: But I tell you what, this is my house. I
Speaker 1: don't go worth these shorts. I'm taking them. Let me
Speaker 1: back down, pick me back down, pick me back down, free,
Speaker 1: let me down there, free. I gotta slide down these
Speaker 1: butter Hey, who is that over there behind my fence?
Speaker 1: Taking pics of what I've got? What's going on over?
Speaker 1: Show your face? I can't, I can't, I really can't.
Speaker 1: I can't see over It's good. Oh you're just a
Speaker 1: short little thing. I am what you didn't see anything?
Speaker 1: Did you? Being SHORTI was constantly a curse that was
Speaker 1: repeated in her life in other circumstances. At one point,
Speaker 1: she was accused of a crime and was in the lineup.
Speaker 1: It was very difficult for the victim to identify her
Speaker 1: in the lineup. Harry, take a look, what do you see?
Speaker 1: Which one of these is the ones who stole your shoes?
Speaker 1: I have to hear the line. I have to hear
Speaker 1: them say what they said to me? When has told
Speaker 1: all right, you the little dinky one, say what do you?
Speaker 1: What do they what were the lining to you? Your
Speaker 1: faking shoes? And I want I want to see you
Speaker 1: take off your socks one good time. I have to
Speaker 1: walk around, so we don't need the entire monologue. Take
Speaker 1: I need you to say a little one. I need
Speaker 1: you to say, take off your fing shoes? And what
Speaker 1: else did they say? Take off your shoes and then
Speaker 1: take off your socks and then wake off your shoes.
Speaker 1: That's not what you said the first time you said,
Speaker 1: you said take off your shoes. I want to see
Speaker 1: you without your shoe? Are you guys questioning me? Or
Speaker 1: are you guys questioning these You got to get the
Speaker 1: line right. I just want some consistency and in what
Speaker 1: we ask. Both you cops are just I feel like
Speaker 1: one should be at least good and bad, but both
Speaker 1: of you guys are bad. I'm not good. I think
Speaker 1: you're a great guy. We're partners in crime. Well what
Speaker 1: I'm trying to partners in law fighting fighting, partners in
Speaker 1: eliminating crime. Mccownski and parton. We're both detectives that just
Speaker 1: constantly argued and really created situations that were very uncomfortable
Speaker 1: for victims. So the Captain called him in. Are you
Speaker 1: out of your fucking man right? Now? It down? Don't
Speaker 1: talk to me Barton. All right, I'm sitting boss, but
Speaker 1: I gotta tell you we had a real problem in
Speaker 1: there because communication is starting to break down. Each and
Speaker 1: every time I work with this, I don't give a
Speaker 1: I'm about to communicate my foot, your mother asked. Now,
Speaker 1: I don't think it is to be like this. Doesn't
Speaker 1: you go out there, you do your job, You take
Speaker 1: care of those victims. If I see you back in
Speaker 1: here one more time, I'm taking both y'all badges we
Speaker 1: come back in here. It's not gonna be my fault.
Speaker 1: It's gonna be his fault. You know what, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: start drinking at the job. What see you and I go.
Speaker 1: You gotta start, You gotta start to get out a job.
Speaker 1: You gotta start. Let's go down to the cap for
Speaker 1: the three of us and maybe we can work this
Speaker 1: out the cop bar. Let's do it. I love the
Speaker 1: cap Bar. I've been looking to get into a bar
Speaker 1: fight with you, and that will serve as the perfect
Speaker 1: venue for such a thing. Why don't you get the
Speaker 1: out of my of by alright, listen, I don't like
Speaker 1: you you don't like me. It wasn't like that all.
Speaker 1: It wasn't you mean back when I was a rook
Speaker 1: and you were Yeah, it's correct, Police office, it's correct,
Speaker 1: and you get a real care. I got your you're
Speaker 1: you get too big for your britches. But go on, look,
Speaker 1: I'm just trying to check what I'm trying to resolve this.
Speaker 1: So you're gonna get you a drink? Arguing, you know what,
Speaker 1: how about a couple of scotches for the both of us. Actually,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna have a whiskey. This guy can't order from
Speaker 1: Jesus Christ. He never remembers my drink. It's like we're
Speaker 1: an amereric couple. You don't like, they argued. Even in
Speaker 1: crime scenes. The last crime scene that they were at,
Speaker 1: they were investigating a murder and they couldn't settle on who.
Speaker 1: They thought the purp might be money. You're gonna want
Speaker 1: to have to come thinking the look at this, they
Speaker 1: say it again, it's for my partner who's hard of hearing.
Speaker 1: I just knowne him dead. And then they saw the
Speaker 1: blood and then they thought he can shut They could
Speaker 1: to the body man, have you seen the head because
Speaker 1: the head was clearly sliced stuff with a serreted knife.
Speaker 1: You don't want to write any of this down, or
Speaker 1: you can just remember it. You don't want to write
Speaker 1: it down. Listen, we got what sparrell over the place.
Speaker 1: We gotta missing head. I see it garps with a
Speaker 1: towel wrapped around its privates. Clearly he was coming out
Speaker 1: of the bath. It's pretty transparent she killed him. It's
Speaker 1: it's a lust crame. All that aside. You're really not
Speaker 1: going to write this down, Jesus Christ. I don't have
Speaker 1: a pair. Oh he doesn't have a Pay it again,
Speaker 1: y'all didn't write down any of the clues. Yes, he
Speaker 1: said you were going to order new pads. I can't
Speaker 1: spend any more money on extracurricular items. I need to
Speaker 1: go to the crime scenes with I need some place.
Speaker 1: Give me a reason why I don't suspend your asses
Speaker 1: and take your motherfucking badges right now? Because I don't
Speaker 1: want you to do that. Yeah, because they like this, Jem,
Speaker 1: you're so good at compliments. I don't know what that was. Well,
Speaker 1: he makes it a good job because he's such a
Speaker 1: good commander. I just wish he would give us some
Speaker 1: money for the f his depot now and a people
Speaker 1: confuse my tone with my attitude. I'm not mean, and
Speaker 1: I motherfucking compliments when you say that to me, I
Speaker 1: don't want to find your answers. You see, you gotta
Speaker 1: stick with me, bart oh jesus, Hey, chief, have you
Speaker 1: been uh gaining weight? Because I like this? No, because
Speaker 1: before he was saying that he wanted the gain weight
Speaker 1: because it was all about gains, wanted to be able to,
Speaker 1: wanted to be abe. You should. Hey, so when aren't
Speaker 1: we going to find out if that short girl committed
Speaker 1: the crime, the one who was picking over the fence.
Speaker 1: You're telling me you didn't finish that case. We just
Speaker 1: had a lot to do. We were it became priority
Speaker 1: number one to make sure you will pleased, A good point.
Speaker 1: And uh, priority number two was the crime, which the
Speaker 1: details a little foggy because somebody didn't write it down.
Speaker 1: What could you? Could you go back and take care
Speaker 1: of that case? Let's do that. You know what I
Speaker 1: need to do. I need to get one of those
Speaker 1: smart phones that we can do that dictatient thing where
Speaker 1: you hold down the button and you're talking to the
Speaker 1: damn thing in that way. It's in my nose. Just
Speaker 1: get the got my awful Okay, we avoided it again
Speaker 1: getting key, and we sure did. Let's get to know
Speaker 1: this week's special guest contributor, Max Cook. Hi, X, how's
Speaker 1: it going already today? I'm very well? Thanks? Hi Max? Hi?
Speaker 1: Hi Andy? How are you doing? I'm all right? Thank you? Brother.
Speaker 1: Have you been listening to the show for a long time? Yes?
Speaker 1: How long have you been listening? Um? One episode? Okay,
Speaker 1: so you're a fan. That's a long time. So tell
Speaker 1: us about yourself. Where are you from, what do you do?
Speaker 1: What are your favorite things to watch? Oh? I was
Speaker 1: born in Lansing, Michigan, and I'm a primarily a voice actor,
Speaker 1: and I'd love to watch the Sopranos. Oh nice? Um?
Speaker 1: Is you your favorite character? Herano? The fucking make Rrect?
Speaker 1: It's pretty good? Yeah? Is that a is that? Yeah?
Speaker 1: That's pretty good? Opportino pressure, thank you. And here is
Speaker 1: my Jack Nicholson. That's pretty good. How do you like
Speaker 1: it a little bit? More like here's my Robert de Niro? Yeah?
Speaker 1: How do you like it so far? Very on on
Speaker 1: on on the money, that's what they say, Yeah, they
Speaker 1: s that. So do you remember the first time that
Speaker 1: you did radio? Yeah? When was that? Oh gosh, maybe, Um,
Speaker 1: so you don't remember two thousand, it's been about eighteen years.
Speaker 1: And um, did you start radio here? Do you start radio? No?
Speaker 1: Uh not Michigan. I'm I was born in Michigan, but
Speaker 1: I lived in California. It's this house seven and radio
Speaker 1: has been a big deal. And uh I did work here.
Speaker 1: I still work here. I've worked here for about fifteen years,
Speaker 1: there being Los Angeles. But yes, did you always wanted
Speaker 1: to be in radio when you were a kid. Uh? No,
Speaker 1: I wanted to act. I didn't want anything to do
Speaker 1: with radio, but it just worked out that way. Okay, class,
Speaker 1: let's find out what we want to do when we
Speaker 1: grow up, when we when we become adults. What do
Speaker 1: you want to do? Chris, and I'm a big boy. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I want to be a police chief. Okay, police chief?
Speaker 1: That's right, Thank you, hear that one. Thank you. Your
Speaker 1: doctor's speaking a lot of lawyers, but for now, I'll
Speaker 1: have to wait because I'm this many Max. I want
Speaker 1: to be an actor. I'm gonna have a totin greatest max. Um.
Speaker 1: I'm not saying that you can't be an actor, but
Speaker 1: do you ever thought about like maybe something like, I
Speaker 1: don't know, you sound just like the guy on the radio.
Speaker 1: Might that might on the radio station my dad listens
Speaker 1: to on the way to school, becoming a like a
Speaker 1: radio Never ee thought about it. Haven't been on the radio.
Speaker 1: I haven't heard the radio. I don't even listen to
Speaker 1: the radio. So what do you think you should still
Speaker 1: take an active last? I don't know any actors who
Speaker 1: sound tricks Chris, Chris. Listen a few people I know
Speaker 1: who sound like Chris. What if you want to pursue
Speaker 1: your dream, you should do it. So Max, if that's
Speaker 1: what you want to be as an actor, then then
Speaker 1: so be it. You can make anything happen. We actually
Speaker 1: got a tape of one of Max's early auditions. Um, okay,
Speaker 1: so tell me your name and what you're reading for
Speaker 1: and how tall your My name is Max come five
Speaker 1: nine and I'm reading for the Glass. Okay. So in
Speaker 1: the scene, um, your family has died. I don't really
Speaker 1: know the glass. I'm just I'm just a casting associate. Okay.
Speaker 1: So in the scene, uh, your partners died and then
Speaker 1: you have to deal with that, you have to unpack that.
Speaker 1: So um, so just have fun with it. Okay, here
Speaker 1: we go. My partner has died and we are rolling
Speaker 1: one to three. Excuse me, Look, if we're gonna rent
Speaker 1: you this software space, do you have to be this
Speaker 1: loud down here? This We get a lot of actors,
Speaker 1: but this is the only one that's kind of yelling
Speaker 1: out really loud. People keep complaining that can hear you
Speaker 1: because you're being still louder. Support Um, true, and if
Speaker 1: you keep word up, we'll go rusiers over. Yeah, look
Speaker 1: gorut olver space ba. Sorry that was our landlord. What
Speaker 1: was the first radio job you ever had? I'm not
Speaker 1: in radio, really. I I do voice over, I do animation,
Speaker 1: I work. I worked hard time in radio and a
Speaker 1: half for years just doing morning bits for shows. Very nice. Um,
Speaker 1: do you ever do were you ever a big piani
Speaker 1: prank calls? Crank calls? Sure, crank calls are a lot
Speaker 1: of fun. Did you ever do them yourself? Or? Okay,
Speaker 1: have you ever been the recipient of a prank calls?
Speaker 1: Anybody ever prank called you? Uh? No? But um, I've
Speaker 1: been a recipient of a prank on a famous show
Speaker 1: and I saw right through the prank. And really tell
Speaker 1: us more about that. Well, I was going to my
Speaker 1: dry cleaners and some guy came out, not my usual
Speaker 1: dry cleaner, and he had I brought my clothes and
Speaker 1: I set my clothes in the counter and he comes
Speaker 1: out with chicken sauce all over his fingers, like wing
Speaker 1: sauce and starts touching all my clothes with wing sauce.
Speaker 1: And I said, uh, this is this is a This
Speaker 1: is a prank, isn't it? And and they had to
Speaker 1: stop production. It was for the Jimmy Kimmel Show. And
Speaker 1: I guess he has a cousin who would prank people.
Speaker 1: And you know, I'm a huge jackass fan. And like
Speaker 1: instantly sounds like what's the wrong? Mark? Uh, welcome to
Speaker 1: Grace and Cafe. Uh just for one table for one? Yeah?
Speaker 1: What what's so fun? Let me take you back to
Speaker 1: your table? Come on, let's go. What's going We're gonna
Speaker 1: bring you to the table. Not that's going on? Why
Speaker 1: would anything? We all got you? All right, Yeah, We're
Speaker 1: take you back to the table. Just here's the menus? Good?
Speaker 1: Why do you want to take a look at this venue?
Speaker 1: All right? I don't know what's going on here. Look
Speaker 1: at the venue and look at the mevenue. I'm looking
Speaker 1: at the menu. Yeah, noticed anything, noticed anything weird about it?
Speaker 1: Human body parts are on the menu? Yeah? Yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: yeah we have but a right there, that's pretty weird.
Speaker 1: You do you want to order? The calf? Was a
Speaker 1: little rare? Ye? Oh boy? Is this? This is this
Speaker 1: a joke? Damn it? Bit guys. I mean, it's really
Speaker 1: transparent that you have body part I go to this
Speaker 1: restaurant all the time. You don't know it's looks. And
Speaker 1: then the fact that you guys are snickering like maniacs
Speaker 1: when I just we were laughing. That's something else that
Speaker 1: we were thinking before we were laughing at this. We
Speaker 1: were all loving at the joke we're talking about. But
Speaker 1: I love pranks, and you guys have the potential. I mean,
Speaker 1: the ideas are good. It's just you. You're a little
Speaker 1: too obvious, that's all. You just need to be a
Speaker 1: little more subtle and some dude. So um, just the
Speaker 1: regular basic car wash? Yeah, just the basic by the way. Oh,
Speaker 1: let's see, like, oh, that's a lot a lot of
Speaker 1: money off. And then did you want the barbecue saucewax? Yeah,
Speaker 1: that that's our Let me talk to best selling Jim
Speaker 1: Jim Dead Jim's dead. Jim killed yea Jim Jim Jim died. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we killed him. Jim married my sister when we killed
Speaker 1: you sister too? Hey, what is the meaning of all
Speaker 1: this nonsound? You just got light too. We got we
Speaker 1: got it, we got it. There's no barbecues that you're on.
Speaker 1: You're a light too. Yeah, so you guys, but really,
Speaker 1: I don't tell anybody we killed your sister. No wait, wait,
Speaker 1: why are you laughing? Why would we kill your sister
Speaker 1: for production? Now? You said you said to you said,
Speaker 1: why would you do that? Be sorry? If we have
Speaker 1: a private meeting, this is a real car watching and
Speaker 1: go ahead, but your sister is dead? Yeah? Sorry what
Speaker 1: you looked at me and you see said Now I
Speaker 1: gotta deal with his crying and then we gonna deal
Speaker 1: with the legal implications. Killed somebody for production. I'm in,
Speaker 1: I'm involved now. I took care of her. I raised
Speaker 1: her practically on my own because my mom, our mom
Speaker 1: worked two jobs and my dad died before I was born.
Speaker 1: This was his idea. How could you whose idea? This
Speaker 1: is your idea? You snicker? Like how you did? How
Speaker 1: could you laugh? My sorrow? And how could you broadly
Speaker 1: murder for a prime. I was laughing at something that
Speaker 1: we talked about earlier, but he said he looked me
Speaker 1: in the one right now. I don't want I got
Speaker 1: these two idiots over here at the car one I
Speaker 1: pulled up just like down okay, slowed down? Oh god,
Speaker 1: so m Jim's not here slower at the car was okay, slower,
Speaker 1: slow down? He's too good? Slow down. I'm sorry. I'm
Speaker 1: also on the line. What are the two good? Slow down?
Speaker 1: Jasper and Joseph for something I don't even know. We're
Speaker 1: sending units out right now? Can I speak to um?
Speaker 1: Mr Jasper? Please? Please? Mr Jasper was my father's name. Um,
Speaker 1: you can call me Jasper. So we got a report
Speaker 1: that you murdered someone's sister. Uh yeah, but it was
Speaker 1: Frank show. He do you do? You do you realize
Speaker 1: that you have to go to jail for the rest
Speaker 1: of your life? Now? Do you realize you really I
Speaker 1: didn't really kill it? You just wait? You like to me,
Speaker 1: yeah you were you know, we pray don't you bring me?
Speaker 1: Thank you pretty tie pranks and you've been lied to,
Speaker 1: so you have a really good way of seeing through pranks.
Speaker 1: That's great. Um, we had I had a conversation earlier.
Speaker 1: You had said mentioned that you're a big wine guy. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I love wine. What's your what's your favorite varietal? I
Speaker 1: think my favorite varietal is a for white, I love
Speaker 1: a Savignon blanc, and for red, I love a peanut oar.
Speaker 1: I find a peanut peanut oars that. Really there's not
Speaker 1: a body might wrong. No, you're absolutely right. I know
Speaker 1: you're a cabman, so that's that's good. Body is good.
Speaker 1: But pino red uh, red affects my libido. So if
Speaker 1: it's too oh excellent, But if I have too much red,
Speaker 1: I become very very uh saucy. And so I think
Speaker 1: if I do a hard cab, I'm definitely gonna go
Speaker 1: the disc or try to get something going. Um, I
Speaker 1: think we just want to see the wine list. Here
Speaker 1: you are. What can I get you guys to drink?
Speaker 1: No cab thrip no no for me please, no cabbly.
Speaker 1: What would you like a drink? Sir? God? Do you
Speaker 1: have any Just sorry, my apologies, let me get the
Speaker 1: ladies order first, my apologies. What would you like a
Speaker 1: drinking um? I would like a salmon lank um, but
Speaker 1: just make sure you don't bring him a cab. Seriously,
Speaker 1: what vintage do you want? She keeps looking at me
Speaker 1: because she's trying to learn about wine. Understand, Yeah, what
Speaker 1: will you help? Just yes from nineteen seventies. She doesn't
Speaker 1: like it. She likes it, sweet sweet seven. Just to
Speaker 1: be honest with you, I really don't care what I
Speaker 1: have as long as he does not have cows got.
Speaker 1: I have took care of myself twice this morning. I
Speaker 1: think I'll be all right. I know I've heard a
Speaker 1: lot about the cab. The cab seems just um. This
Speaker 1: sounds like there's a lot of insight info here that
Speaker 1: I'm not privy to. You don't want them to have
Speaker 1: a cab? I get that. There's no need to say
Speaker 1: it again, cann you want? You want some cam Savenembro Yes, okay, great?
Speaker 1: And then what would you like, sir? Not a cab? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Maybe just a Randy Port? Okay, ran Randy, be right
Speaker 1: back with your drinks. God, why do you always got
Speaker 1: to be like this every time you go into a
Speaker 1: tasting room. Stop bringing up my problems with Cabernet caused
Speaker 1: me to want you more like your entired. He's coming,
Speaker 1: He's coming. Okay, here is your I shouted out, after
Speaker 1: you had a cab okay, and then here is your
Speaker 1: randy port. Did you want to taste them first before
Speaker 1: we actually pour the bottle? Give chocolate chocolates. I'd like
Speaker 1: a little chocolate to put on my tongue, just doing
Speaker 1: a big there's no cabin that right, Oh my god,
Speaker 1: cabernet chocolate. Why did you do that? Why did you
Speaker 1: give me? Honestly, man, I'm here, you said cabernet so
Speaker 1: many times. If you would have just said at once,
Speaker 1: continuously repeating, get off me, get off me, get off me,
Speaker 1: get off, get all right? What about you, buddy? Come here? Yeah? Yeah,
Speaker 1: give him his medicine. Another trump. Thanks to our special guests,
Speaker 1: contributor Max Cook. Thanks coming up back to the first
Speaker 1: the word from our esteemed sponsors, stay with us, back
Speaker 1: to the light in his life was actually a fire
Speaker 1: burning all around him. He had a hard time differentiating
Speaker 1: was this a spiritual thing or was his house on fire?
Speaker 1: And breathing through the nose and what's that smell? Probably
Speaker 1: nothing and breathe Are you sure? Those please don't be
Speaker 1: alarmed smell those are the incense that we have to hope. Okay,
Speaker 1: to the place that you already get too. Okay, you're
Speaker 1: smoking in through the No, yeah, it's smells. Sorry it
Speaker 1: doesn't okay, yeah, all right, it smells. Are you sure
Speaker 1: that's incense? Those are incense that we used to help
Speaker 1: you get to a meditative space. Well, what's this center called?
Speaker 1: What's this thing called? Me? Because it's called house? Okay,
Speaker 1: where can I buy that? It's very real? Do they
Speaker 1: have it at the second? I think you can make
Speaker 1: it yourself? Great? Are we supposed okay? In the great?
Speaker 1: What's that is that? The rate? That's not? That's not in? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Can I have my socks back? I'm using his puppets.
Speaker 1: Those are the nose. You're using my stinky sock as
Speaker 1: a Can I have my money back? There's no refunds
Speaker 1: of the money that you give us. We donate back
Speaker 1: into the foundation. I'm a little worried about that. That's
Speaker 1: some time. Here's that. I don't think that's a mean thing.
Speaker 1: It sounds like a one. It's it's track number four.
Speaker 1: I'm sure that the it's a sting is not it's
Speaker 1: a CD. Okay, and through these fire department, Okay, that
Speaker 1: that has to be you know that's tracks. Track number
Speaker 1: six is just a guy yowing fire department. Yes, I
Speaker 1: don't know. And it is pretty warm in here. All right,
Speaker 1: this is your first time here, it is. We're gonna
Speaker 1: break down the door if you guys don't open it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: this sounds very TRACKI is very long. Okay, please continue.
Speaker 1: The students at the meditation center ended up getting their
Speaker 1: degree burns all over their bodies, but in a very
Speaker 1: specific place because they were sitting in meditation style seating
Speaker 1: the whole time. Can you put some Can you put
Speaker 1: some cooling on my tape with pleasure? Ah? Right here, yeah,
Speaker 1: right there? All right, I'm Dr Nixon. I'm the tame specialist.
Speaker 1: Can I see you? Let me look here, Dr Nixon. Please,
Speaker 1: it's Bernie. It hurts so bad, it's very tender. Nurse
Speaker 1: can help me, please pleasure just lit my scrot and
Speaker 1: just please apply that the cooling cream. All right. So
Speaker 1: what we're gonna have to do is get some skin graphs.
Speaker 1: Skin graphs. It's that bad. Oh my god, where are
Speaker 1: my side? Can we do with your tainting? All right?
Speaker 1: So we're gonna take some skin graphs from your inner
Speaker 1: thighs and then what we're gonna do is We're gonna
Speaker 1: graph them onto the burnt skin that's on your taint?
Speaker 1: Why were you How are you sitting for this? Because
Speaker 1: you're to be honest, the only part of your body
Speaker 1: that's been third degree burned is your taint. According to
Speaker 1: his chart, doctor Um, he was sitting in the way
Speaker 1: that people sit when they're in a meditating jeezus, another one.
Speaker 1: How many? How many patients have we had with burnt
Speaker 1: taints that came from that meditative center that they tell
Speaker 1: us that squat I don't really understand this medical jargon.
Speaker 1: Is that bad? Is that a bad way to sit?
Speaker 1: In the way that they sit when they're in meditative center.
Speaker 1: I just think it's very odd, don't you think, nurse,
Speaker 1: that we've had so many patients have come in the
Speaker 1: same from the same meditative center that had the same
Speaker 1: burnt taint. Well, the flame shut up to the floorboards
Speaker 1: as I was squatting, That's all I know. He's claiming
Speaker 1: that there was a fire, but according to the guy
Speaker 1: that runs the place, that there was no fire. Just
Speaker 1: a little confused. I'm sorry, sir, Hang tight. We're going
Speaker 1: to deal with your future medical um issues. I need
Speaker 1: to talk to my current current medical Okay, what are
Speaker 1: you arguing with me? I'm not. I'm just doing trying
Speaker 1: to inform you. But usually I'm informing you, right, because
Speaker 1: you're the nurse and I'm the doctor. Don't you think, Well,
Speaker 1: you asked me a question, so I was informing you
Speaker 1: by answer. I was asking him questions. I wasn't asking you. Listen,
Speaker 1: if we're getting into these arguments, the hospitalist is going
Speaker 1: to fire us if we have to, if we show
Speaker 1: up in the hospitalist of us again, he said, I'll
Speaker 1: get the in here you too, Yes, yes, sir, they're arguing.
Speaker 1: He's a doctor and you have a motherfucking nurse. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it wasn't really arguing. I was just telling him. It
Speaker 1: was arguing. I keep telling you what my prognansis a
Speaker 1: question and I answered him, So that's not really arguing.
Speaker 1: But then I guess, I guess technically this is also arguing.
Speaker 1: Well it is, and you keep debating in front of
Speaker 1: the in front of the patient, and it just makes
Speaker 1: you look professional, makes a hospital looking professional. Okay, well
Speaker 1: you better say some motherfucker's I am sorry, I don't listen.
Speaker 1: We've got a hole, you know. How long I've been
Speaker 1: a hospitalist and this motherfucker place years. Yes, I know,
Speaker 1: you tell us that's every time. Everybody in my family
Speaker 1: has a place of authority. My cousin is a police
Speaker 1: chief at the police station down the street. I really
Speaker 1: hate to interrupt all three of us, but we better go.
Speaker 1: The entire fourth floor is filled with patients that have
Speaker 1: the same mysterious burns from sitting in a way that
Speaker 1: you sit when you are in a And that's what
Speaker 1: I was trying to say in front of the patient.
Speaker 1: But then you kept arguing with me. But but, but
Speaker 1: but I'm sorry, but you better get that started. Fix.
Speaker 1: I thought I did. Listen, hold on for one second.
Speaker 1: I have a I have a very I have a
Speaker 1: strong inclination. Is that what the problem is between y'all two.
Speaker 1: First of all, you keep debating with him, and second,
Speaker 1: you gotta you had a real startup problem. You know
Speaker 1: there's a specialist that we have that we can send
Speaker 1: you to. I just said I did, motherfucker did a not.
Speaker 1: So he went to the specialist to help him with
Speaker 1: his stutter, and to his surprise, it was an old
Speaker 1: man and his newly h married young wife who was
Speaker 1: also a nurse or I don't remember. Thank you for coming.
Speaker 1: I want you to know that this is a late
Speaker 1: life business I've started because it was so successful. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so what I need you to do? And I'm a
Speaker 1: case worker I used to be. She's really wonderful and
Speaker 1: she loves to eat. She loves to eat. Yeah, maybe
Speaker 1: we'll see how it goes. After treatment, we can go
Speaker 1: up to a fast food place, the three of us. Yeah.
Speaker 1: And well, first we like to work on yours. You
Speaker 1: have a stutter. It's called we called we call a
Speaker 1: stutter mutter. And then we want stutter mutter. We like
Speaker 1: to have colorful ways of calling it here because stutters
Speaker 1: they're very sound, they sound very negative. So we want
Speaker 1: you to work on your little stutter mutter. And then
Speaker 1: what your stutter mutter? She developed it. She's a genius.
Speaker 1: Everything she does is brilliant. Why don't you show him
Speaker 1: out the stutter mutter work. So basically, um, we give
Speaker 1: you a series of words and we put them in
Speaker 1: a sentence, and we ask you to repeat that sentence
Speaker 1: to us. And then when you start stuttering, we say no, no, mutter,
Speaker 1: don't mutter, say it better, and then we can go
Speaker 1: get dinner, and you want to make sure you're talking
Speaker 1: slow and focused on your voice and bread. We take
Speaker 1: the stutter to a mutter, then we take you out
Speaker 1: to dinner. And that's the way it works. The dinner
Speaker 1: is the reward. Okay, I really should be writing this down.
Speaker 1: It's in the book. Book, that book, the book you're
Speaker 1: paying for. Well, can I see it? The book? By
Speaker 1: the way, you said that sentence without a stutter. That's
Speaker 1: pretty great. I did you did really well. Now say
Speaker 1: Ben got trapped in the ball. He's I don't know
Speaker 1: if he's ready for that, but let's try it. Ben
Speaker 1: ben mutter, Ben got not a mutter. Ben got trapped
Speaker 1: in the don't forget to breathe and focus. Ben got
Speaker 1: trapped in the Nope, boy, it's words with literation a problem.
Speaker 1: Can you stop telling me what to do? So just
Speaker 1: stay the word. Stop telling me what to do, Stop
Speaker 1: telling me what far from home? Stop Stop. You can't
Speaker 1: tell me what to do. You're not my stutter mother. Perfect.
Speaker 1: Coming up at three, the first the word from our sponsors,
Speaker 1: who make this high quality program possible. Stay with us.
Speaker 1: At three. The memory we used to share is no
Speaker 1: longer coherent? Is what he would tell his ailing wife, Wow,
Speaker 1: we've been married for oh god, seven par SIPs, which
Speaker 1: in your human years is roughly seven years. Par SIPs
Speaker 1: and years are the same scale. Wise decided interrupt because
Speaker 1: he found a better sentence. Can you wanted to use?
Speaker 1: All right? It is was a second click. The first
Speaker 1: one just seemed like we were going back to old people.
Speaker 1: So here it is. Here it is. When she didn't
Speaker 1: like the guy who was trying to pick her up,
Speaker 1: she would use sign language to end him off. This
Speaker 1: is a hand and that means no. Okay, what am
Speaker 1: I doing to show me your hand? Right? And it
Speaker 1: means no because you're gratty. We don't do gratty here,
Speaker 1: you know what. Hey, look, I've been out of the
Speaker 1: game for a long time. I'm sorry. I'm sorry too,
Speaker 1: but you've barely told me anything about yourself. Okay, well
Speaker 1: let's see. Oh, I was divorced for seven years. You
Speaker 1: were divorced. I'm sorry. I was married for seven years
Speaker 1: and then I divorced. I am a professional, so you're
Speaker 1: getting close again. Okay, this is the stop sign. When
Speaker 1: my hands shape this by the hand, your hand, you're
Speaker 1: making a t. It's like a t well that's well,
Speaker 1: that would probably mean time. I ou't okay, we could
Speaker 1: do that, okay, but you get the idea. Yes, so
Speaker 1: you want me to stop, so you want me to
Speaker 1: hear you want to hear some more about me, or
Speaker 1: you want to I could stop. If you like this
Speaker 1: guy's bothering, you can know. I'm fine. I like you.
Speaker 1: I like your gun hand. Thanks. Yeah, I usually use
Speaker 1: that when I instead of saying pointing, I use a gun. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it looks just like a gun. It's very effective. And
Speaker 1: then if I extend the pinky, then you see what
Speaker 1: that looks like. I don't want to get your love birds.
Speaker 1: But he appears to be moving in an even more
Speaker 1: aggressive way than I was. So why do you like him?
Speaker 1: Because I started out I started out with with hand signs. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but yeah, but it's a gun and that's what I
Speaker 1: like guns. How could you possibly be okay with that
Speaker 1: but not okay with me? Well, because you're kind of
Speaker 1: smug and just kind of drippy and greasy, and you're
Speaker 1: kind of like moving too clothes. He's way far away
Speaker 1: and very effective with his gun hand, and I'm way
Speaker 1: better in general. Yes, my name is Sam and dress
Speaker 1: my name is Mike cool? Here are my digits? You
Speaker 1: want to give them to me in your hand? Numbers?
Speaker 1: That's one, two, four, five six, Hold on wait wait,
Speaker 1: I need to get paper. Been do it again? Oh
Speaker 1: you don't have paper? Been three four five six eight.
Speaker 1: That's code. Oh sick. Well, the joke's on you because
Speaker 1: I could see those numbers too, so I also know
Speaker 1: your number is eight. When E went to do exactly,
Speaker 1: I got to change my number. Now, good luck. Welcome
Speaker 1: to mobile. Um, what can I do for you? Ma'am?
Speaker 1: Welcome to cellular store? Because I don't even know if
Speaker 1: I could say T mobile on your Did you need something, ma'am? Jesus,
Speaker 1: you see how many people here trying to get the
Speaker 1: barber one get one. I have a bow go offer
Speaker 1: and I got fifty people. I need a new phone cover.
Speaker 1: My phone cover I don't like and it cracks. And
Speaker 1: you don't need to change your number. I thought you
Speaker 1: just that's what you need. That was the last lady, Greg,
Speaker 1: The last lady needed to change. Sorry, sorry, she's in
Speaker 1: the waiting room. So what did you need? You need
Speaker 1: a new phone? I need a new phone cover? Who
Speaker 1: it's not that hard. Just give me a new phone
Speaker 1: cover where the ones that I want. She needs better coverage?
Speaker 1: Is that what we're trying to say, Yes, I need
Speaker 1: better phone cover company she needs to cover like an
Speaker 1: utter box. No, she needs coverage because she's with the
Speaker 1: phone company who's doesn't have enough dots on the map. Dude,
Speaker 1: Hey wait, let me see if that's on the map.
Speaker 1: Let me see if I understand this. You need a
Speaker 1: phone cover, and now I want coverage since he brought
Speaker 1: it up. You also need like some hearing age because
Speaker 1: you're yelling, lady am I you're pretty loud. I'm just sorry.
Speaker 1: Let me whisp she to say to get her husband
Speaker 1: into the story, because the two representatives weren't really helping
Speaker 1: her out. It's going on here nothing, So you're just
Speaker 1: trying to do she came here for fang at the
Speaker 1: phone thing. Yeah, we're trying to figure out what exactly
Speaker 1: that is. All right, motherfucker, you better do it. Fan. Okay,
Speaker 1: listen to my man. He knows let's talking about he's
Speaker 1: a law enforcement Yes, just run that by me one
Speaker 1: more time. What it is exactly that you want to coverage? Yes,
Speaker 1: you tell the baby coverage. I want coverage. I want
Speaker 1: nine bar okay, nine bars. All right, so this this
Speaker 1: particular brand of ma'am song sell the phone ma'am song.
Speaker 1: Because I heard of that, I pick another brand, another brand,
Speaker 1: guy phone, guy phone, the guy phone. I just don't
Speaker 1: know if I can. I just don't know. I legally
Speaker 1: I can read all of these names of phones. Tell
Speaker 1: me more about it. Uh. At the guy phone five,
Speaker 1: it has is the guy from five and has to
Speaker 1: coverage up to seven years. The guy phone was taking
Speaker 1: over the cell phone industry, but everybody was anticipating with
Speaker 1: the guy Phone six was gonna look like all right,
Speaker 1: if you look at these fourth quarter projections, they're going down.
Speaker 1: But we are going to focus group this new guy phone,
Speaker 1: and we're going to find out if the people want
Speaker 1: the things that we have to offer on the the
Speaker 1: guy phone, these features. Okay, let's cut to the group.
Speaker 1: Could we have maybe like one phone that you know,
Speaker 1: like if girls not want to give your phone number,
Speaker 1: but if she was going to give phone number two,
Speaker 1: other guy, maybe you can like listen with the phone
Speaker 1: and then it will like you know, uh, and then
Speaker 1: it will listen to number and then capture number like
Speaker 1: a dictation. Well, we don't have this, but we don't
Speaker 1: have solid gold guy phone that is actually able to
Speaker 1: communicate with space really on it also is hot plate. Okay,
Speaker 1: and make a he burgers. Lets me stop you there.
Speaker 1: I really think this dictation device is going to have
Speaker 1: a lot of people for maybe like future. I can't
Speaker 1: think of a single person, but it would ever possibly
Speaker 1: help happy luck Yeah, to get the office. Yes, now,
Speaker 1: what did we doing do nothing? You said you had
Speaker 1: a new way of taking notes on the scene of
Speaker 1: a crime. Is that true or not? Mother? I did,
Speaker 1: I did the research and I got a new guy phone.
Speaker 1: I talked into this thing, and well, I'm still trying
Speaker 1: to figure it out, this damn thing. You know what
Speaker 1: would be even easier is if you just took pen
Speaker 1: to paper and wrote things down that. I'm really sorry
Speaker 1: about this. I've been telling him. I've been telling him,
Speaker 1: finish your goddamn sense. Oh, I'm sorry. I've been telling
Speaker 1: him to write things down. He decides to go from
Speaker 1: city to city find a type of Why did I
Speaker 1: keep going because you told me to? I'm saying why?
Speaker 1: They filled with many stutter mothers, so many study mothers.
Speaker 1: Thanks to her, especially as contributor Max Cook, re producer
Speaker 1: Andy I'm all right, and this was this is American's life.
Speaker 1: During his next time