Speaker 1: Good afternoon, everybody, Good morning whenever you're listening to this podcast.
Speaker 2: Hi Hi, Hi Hi Chelsea. Ye So Chelsea, I know,
Speaker 2: I just got back from Mexico with two of my girlfriends,
Speaker 2: and I know, for me, there are certain people that
Speaker 2: like I don't even want to spend a whole day
Speaker 2: at Disneyland with, but I like them. They're my friends,
Speaker 2: these couple of girls I have a great time with.
Speaker 2: And I'm curious for you, because you travel with people
Speaker 2: all the time. What do you think sets apart somebody
Speaker 2: that you know you want to travel with or you
Speaker 2: know will be good to travel with, versus someone who
Speaker 2: won't be.
Speaker 3: Well, you can't be annoying first of all, you know
Speaker 3: what I mean.
Speaker 1: Like, first of all, you have to be self sufficient
Speaker 1: and be able to be on your own, Like when
Speaker 1: you're traveling, you can't be dependent on the other person
Speaker 1: the entire trip, Like there are moments that you need
Speaker 1: to stop and chill out, like go to the gym
Speaker 1: or read a book for an hour or whatever.
Speaker 3: So that's I think one criteria, Like the.
Speaker 1: Neediness, you know what I mean, You're already on vucation together,
Speaker 1: Like you don't need to do every fucking singles thing together.
Speaker 3: But it's different if you're on like an active vacation.
Speaker 1: Or if you're like at you know, like like when
Speaker 1: I'm at my house in my Orca and I bring
Speaker 1: people or invite people in, like we're usually together as
Speaker 1: a group doing stuff. For the most part, it's random
Speaker 1: that people are doing their own thing unless you bring
Speaker 1: two wrong groups together, which I've done.
Speaker 3: And then yeah, so I don't know. I think it's
Speaker 3: always nice to just mix big groups. I've only had,
Speaker 3: I honestly have a had.
Speaker 1: Maybe I could count on one hand the bad combo
Speaker 1: platters I've put together on trips. It's happened once recently
Speaker 1: and then one year. Yeah, my birthday trip was just
Speaker 1: a hot mess and I invited all the wrong people.
Speaker 1: Oh no, yeah, and I just was like fucking paying
Speaker 1: for it the whole time because everyone was not like
Speaker 1: into each.
Speaker 3: Other, not clashing.
Speaker 1: It was just like I just I just hadn't planned
Speaker 1: my birthday until the last minute, which is the way
Speaker 1: I do things. So I invited just I randomly, and
Speaker 1: it wasn't the right group.
Speaker 2: It's it's hard to find a group of people that
Speaker 2: are all going to gel together.
Speaker 3: But it's not.
Speaker 1: Actually like, if you're not an asshole, you can pretty
Speaker 1: much get along with anybody for a fucking week. That like,
Speaker 1: unless somebody is really riling you up and going off
Speaker 1: on you, like I'm sorry I've been on.
Speaker 3: I mean, I don't.
Speaker 1: Go on other people's vacations very often. I'm gonna be
Speaker 1: honest for that reason. So I get it that is
Speaker 1: a thing. But I also think when you are at
Speaker 1: someone's house, like you do behave yourself, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean, You're not gonna have arguments with other people
Speaker 1: or not get a wrong with other people.
Speaker 3: Like I wouldn't do that.
Speaker 1: I would figure it out and make it work for
Speaker 1: a week, to be a good house guest.
Speaker 3: I take a lot of pride in that, which is
Speaker 3: why I don't do.
Speaker 1: It very often, right, So I prefer to arrange the
Speaker 1: vacation and bring people along. And I mean, I guess
Speaker 1: your family's the only one that everyone can be Like
Speaker 1: our family, you can be a dick, and.
Speaker 2: It's fine to say can happen, but we don't.
Speaker 1: Fight, Like I only fight with my sister in law
Speaker 1: Olga about politics like everyone else in our families on
Speaker 1: the same page. So I just have to withdraw from her,
Speaker 1: But we don't fight as a family, And I guess
Speaker 1: we're pretty lucky that way, because you do hear about
Speaker 1: a lot of you know, discord within families. But there
Speaker 1: are some people that I've definitely left vacations early when
Speaker 1: I've been in a situation where I'm like, uh oh,
Speaker 1: this is not this is not what I was in envisioning. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And speaking of people to be on vacation with, I
Speaker 1: have vacation with our guest a couple of times. He
Speaker 1: and his wife and their baby came with me to
Speaker 1: Whistler one year for a ski trip, and then we
Speaker 1: went on a trip together overseas, and I think we've
Speaker 1: been on one other trip together anyway. Yeah, he's somebody
Speaker 1: that's good to travel with. I mean when they don't
Speaker 1: bring their kids, let's be honest, you know, I don't
Speaker 1: need I don't need that.
Speaker 2: I think parents need to go get away from the
Speaker 2: kids too.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I have a good gay couple that I could I
Speaker 1: used to go everywhere with, like my boyfriend and I
Speaker 1: met him. This is years ago, this couple, Kevin and Brian,
Speaker 1: and we went on like eight or nine vacations together.
Speaker 1: Work trips and vacations and that was a great.
Speaker 2: Combo, right Yeah, and then did they ruin it by
Speaker 2: having a kid?
Speaker 3: Yeah, they had twins, so I haven't been on vacation
Speaker 3: with them since. Shout out to Kevin and Brian.
Speaker 1: And today's guest is my very old, dear, hilarious friend
Speaker 1: who is married to another hot mess.
Speaker 2: Right, and that's Jenny Mullen who guessed back in June
Speaker 2: of twenty twenty two.
Speaker 3: Mister Jason Biggs.
Speaker 1: Hello, Hi, Hi, high Penis face, what's up cot? Welcome
Speaker 1: to the podcast, Jason Biggs. Jason Biggs is a very
Speaker 1: old friend of mine. We have had many, many, well
Speaker 1: humiliating experiences together, isn't that right?
Speaker 3: Jason?
Speaker 1: What is your fondest memory that we have experienced together.
Speaker 1: Let's not start with most humiliating, because well I know
Speaker 1: what mine is, but we're not going to talk about
Speaker 1: that on this podcast.
Speaker 3: But what's your fondest memory of us as a couple?
Speaker 4: Hold on, I need to know why did want we
Speaker 4: talk about yours? I'm curious if our is actually sync up? Also,
Speaker 4: my fondest could be the most humiliating. Those those also
Speaker 4: might sync.
Speaker 3: Up, right right?
Speaker 1: Well, I think our fondest If I was going to
Speaker 1: encapsulate the fondest memory, there have been so many. I mean,
Speaker 1: I'm sure I've forgotten half of the times that we've
Speaker 1: spent together, you know what I mean.
Speaker 3: I have a tendency for forgetfulness.
Speaker 1: Jason actually has a better memory than I do because
Speaker 1: he doesn't drink like I.
Speaker 4: Do so anymore any anymore? Right right, right, Like you said,
Speaker 4: old friendship, I mean, we go back to.
Speaker 1: The pre drinking days. Oh yeah, yeah, when things were
Speaker 1: really jumping off.
Speaker 4: Yes, exactly. In fact, I have to say I'm really
Speaker 4: impressed that we've maintained such a wonderful friendship even in
Speaker 4: my post partying days. I mean, there are people in
Speaker 4: my life obviously that knew me pre sobriety. But I
Speaker 4: just feel like nothing's changed with you and I, which
Speaker 4: I love. I feel like, if anything, our relationship has
Speaker 4: gotten stronger. I feel like I've seen a lot more
Speaker 4: of you. Weirdly, since I moved to New York in
Speaker 4: a certain in a certain way.
Speaker 3: Isn't that funny?
Speaker 1: Isn't that funny how that happens to You have friends
Speaker 1: that live in the same city and then you rarely
Speaker 1: see them and then they moved to New York, and
Speaker 1: then you see them every time you go to New York.
Speaker 4: One hundred percent. Well, it's great. Will you always give
Speaker 4: us a heads up when you're here, which I love.
Speaker 4: I think that's fantastic, and we love seeing you, and
Speaker 4: we love when you pay for dinner. It's great. But
Speaker 4: I think there's one memory that I'm constantly reminded of online,
Speaker 4: and it's usually from haters. It's never in a positive light,
Speaker 4: even though for me the memory is just wonderful. Was
Speaker 4: on that incredible boat trip that you very generously took
Speaker 4: Jenny and I and a bunch of your other friends on,
Speaker 4: and I may have urinated on you while you were
Speaker 4: swimming in the ocean.
Speaker 1: He yeah, he did urinate on me, and which I
Speaker 1: obviously do not care about, because any parent knows that
Speaker 1: urine is urine, and I consider myself a parent.
Speaker 3: Any parent worth their thoughts has been urinated on.
Speaker 1: But this was more directed at me, like it wasn't
Speaker 1: an accident and I wasn't changing his diaper.
Speaker 3: He actually I was.
Speaker 1: I had jumped off the boat and he was about
Speaker 1: to get in the boat, and he just started peeing
Speaker 1: on the ocean and then just peed on my head.
Speaker 1: And I was laughing so hard because it was so stupid,
Speaker 1: and someone recorded it. Jenny had recorded it.
Speaker 4: Yeah, Jenny was recording it, and then Jenny posted it
Speaker 4: of course, kind of laughing so hard. I'm pretty sure
Speaker 4: I ended up doing just like in the clown's mouth
Speaker 4: at the carnival game. I think I got you right
Speaker 4: right down the game. And then it was crazy a
Speaker 4: balloon up on top.
Speaker 1: Of your Yeah, yeah, I pulled my ripcord and so
Speaker 1: then then I floated off into space. It's like when
Speaker 1: you go Ellie skiing, you have a parachute on your back. Anyway,
Speaker 1: I'm not scared of urine like most people are, I guess.
Speaker 1: And so Jenny was like, can I post this? And
Speaker 1: I said, sure, who cares? And then now to this day,
Speaker 1: I get Republicans going, You're a dirty who allowed yourself
Speaker 1: to get urinated on instead of seeing, instead of seeing
Speaker 1: the wonder full humor in the situation.
Speaker 4: What's interesting is that Jenny asked you if she could post.
Speaker 4: She never asked me.
Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly. Well, I'm sure you're not getting that. Are
Speaker 1: you getting a lot of Did you ever get a
Speaker 1: lot of backlash for urinating on me or a lot
Speaker 1: of prey.
Speaker 4: Yeah, no, no, no backlash. I'm saying I still to
Speaker 4: this day, and You're right, it's hugely across a political
Speaker 4: line to a certain person that will write in and
Speaker 4: just remind me. I'd say, once every couple of weeks,
Speaker 4: I'll just see something in my mentions Instagram and or
Speaker 4: Twitter where it's like, yeah, never forget, you know, hashtag
Speaker 4: never forget you peed on Chelsea's face. I mean, it's
Speaker 4: just an every time I read a comment, I chuckle.
Speaker 3: I do too.
Speaker 1: Actually, I think to myself, what was I thinking allowing
Speaker 1: someone to post that?
Speaker 3: And then I think to myself, again, who gives a shit?
Speaker 4: Who gives a shit? There's so many memories though, Chelsea.
Speaker 4: I mean, you know, it's interesting. Jenny and you go
Speaker 4: even further back, obviously, and I met Jenny in two
Speaker 4: thousand and seven, and I think I met you pretty
Speaker 4: soon after meeting Jenny. I mean it was in those
Speaker 4: first couple of months. I mean, shit, we were married,
Speaker 4: like after knowing each other for a few months. But
Speaker 4: I think right away we started hanging and you had
Speaker 4: you just got the E Show. I think you were
Speaker 4: maybe like first season or it was early days. I mean,
Speaker 4: and you were like killing it, and you were doing
Speaker 4: all these wonderful trips and parties, and we were very
Speaker 4: lucky to be included. We had some great times. I mean,
Speaker 4: the boat trip was for sure one of the one
Speaker 4: of the all timers. But you know, I'll still run
Speaker 4: into people that were at your party in Cabo, like
Speaker 4: randomom people that I have, and they'll be like, you know, Chelsea,
Speaker 4: don't you know. I was like, yeah, I know, Chelsea
Speaker 4: were friends. She's you know, we've known each other a
Speaker 4: long time. Yeah, I think I met you in Cabo
Speaker 4: at her party. I said. There were so many people
Speaker 4: at that party and I was so fucked up that
Speaker 4: entire long weekend. I mean, yeah, so many people I
Speaker 4: saw naked by accident, slash on purpose. A lot of
Speaker 4: people I did drugs with and I didn't think even
Speaker 4: did drugs.
Speaker 1: Yeah, a lot of nudity all around the one of
Speaker 1: the great highlights of our scuba diving trip, which is
Speaker 1: the one we were referring to where the urination episode happened.
Speaker 1: Jenny and Jason are very bona fide scuba divers. They
Speaker 1: have spent a lot of time underwater. Are you guys
Speaker 1: master divers?
Speaker 4: Not master we are advanced open water we actually haven't
Speaker 4: done in a few years. But no, that's really are
Speaker 4: you a master diver?
Speaker 1: Did you get your you saw my performance diving? I'm
Speaker 1: not anything. And first of all, they have to take
Speaker 1: out the word master diver. I don't think that works
Speaker 1: anymore either. It's like master bedroom. If you have to
Speaker 1: be a primary diver.
Speaker 4: What about master bait. Do we have to change that
Speaker 4: to primary bating?
Speaker 1: No, because that's totally different and there's a U, so
Speaker 1: it's not the same thing. But I did masturbate this summer.
Speaker 1: I went when I was in my Orca. I went
Speaker 1: on three dives because Sophie, who you know, my good girlfriend,
Speaker 1: her sister Alex is a real diver. She dives all
Speaker 1: over the world as well, so she was coming to
Speaker 1: my Orca and I was like, she wanted to die,
Speaker 1: and I said, sure, let me get you know, warmed
Speaker 1: up again.
Speaker 3: So I went on three dives.
Speaker 1: But Jason was there when I went on my first
Speaker 1: like eight dives because the French Polynesia trip was like
Speaker 1: we would go on two dives a day, so everyone
Speaker 1: was diving and it was my first introduction into diving,
Speaker 1: and I had probably the closest thing to a panic
Speaker 1: attack that I've ever had, which was being underwater, seeing
Speaker 1: a very large shark underneath my feet, and then my
Speaker 1: cousin Mollie grabbing my ankle to show me the shark.
Speaker 1: So the two combo platters of someone grabbing my leg
Speaker 1: and then looking down and seeing the size of the
Speaker 1: shark that was underneath me, which was easily eight to
Speaker 1: ten feet, I immediately just couldn't understand what.
Speaker 3: I had to go up. Yeah, I had to go up.
Speaker 3: I thought the shark had me. Then I saw my cousin.
Speaker 1: I tried to kick her underwater, which anyone knows that
Speaker 1: doesn't work. And then this are one of our divers
Speaker 1: that we were, you know, with two guys were helping
Speaker 1: us right for the whole group, and there were ten
Speaker 1: of us, and one of the divers came right over
Speaker 1: to me because I couldn't clear my goggles.
Speaker 3: I was starting to kind of hyperventilate, and.
Speaker 1: He grabbed me by the shoulders and he just started
Speaker 1: gesticulating the breathing like to calm down, like breathe in,
Speaker 1: breathe out, and he was holding my hands and I
Speaker 1: was looking into his eyes and I was like, I'm
Speaker 1: I'm gonna fuck this guy, you know, like he just
Speaker 1: saved my life and he's calming me down, and this man,
Speaker 1: I'm going to have to show my love by penetration afterward.
Speaker 3: And afterward.
Speaker 1: He we did the rest of the dive, holding hands
Speaker 1: while Jason and Jenny were giving me the finger underwater,
Speaker 1: telling me I was such a.
Speaker 3: Baby and I had an underwater boyfriend.
Speaker 1: I was excited, like I was like, Okay, this is
Speaker 1: my underwater boyfriend. And then when we get up, when
Speaker 1: we got up from the sea of life to the
Speaker 1: natural world and we were above water, he took off
Speaker 1: all of his contraptions and I was like, oh, I'm
Speaker 1: not gonna fuck this guy. Like that was we if
Speaker 1: we were going to have sexy, which would have been.
Speaker 3: Underwater, the goggles did a lot of worse. Yeah, so
Speaker 3: that was a bullet dodged.
Speaker 1: But also, you know, one of my typical signatures ailes
Speaker 1: of behavior.
Speaker 3: Someone helps me and then I feel attracted to them.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, oh my god, that was that was kind
Speaker 4: of amazing. Meanwhile, speaking of sharks, I forget how this
Speaker 4: came up. Chelsea was talking to Jenny about this great
Speaker 4: white shark dive trip. Chelsea, I believe it, found out
Speaker 4: about it, had spoken to someone who was involved in
Speaker 4: this charity. You could basically pay in. It's all charitable.
Speaker 1: Like a scientific research trip. Yes, that you could kind
Speaker 1: of tagleong for.
Speaker 4: Yeah, And Chelsea was like, I'm doing this, do you
Speaker 4: guys want to go? This was after I think the
Speaker 4: Polynesian trip, so she was super into the diving.
Speaker 1: And we Gaudalajara, I believe, right somewhere in Guadalajara.
Speaker 3: You go on a science boat.
Speaker 4: Yeah, if you leave from San Diego and you go
Speaker 4: out to this Guadaloupe island.
Speaker 3: In Guadalupe, I knew it was guad.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it was a guad. It was a guad and
Speaker 4: one of the Yeah, it's this big great white.
Speaker 3: Short one of the gus, one of the gods.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it was a big great white shark breeding ground.
Speaker 4: And Chelsea got us in We're like, oh fuck, yeah,
Speaker 4: we're definitely doing that. Chelsea's like, cannot wait, this is
Speaker 4: going to be so awesome. And I don't know in
Speaker 4: my memory it was. It was a couple like we
Speaker 4: had planned it for a little while and it was
Speaker 4: a couple weeks before the trip, we had booked our flights,
Speaker 4: everything was a go. We were flying out, we were
Speaker 4: gonna stay with Jenny's mom, who lives in San Diego.
Speaker 4: We had a bait. SID was really little. Chelsea talks
Speaker 4: to Jenny or me or both. It was like, yeah,
Speaker 4: I don't know what I'm thinking. This sounds awful. It's
Speaker 4: a twenty four hour boat ride out to this island. Again,
Speaker 4: information that we knew from the very beginning, but she
Speaker 4: just decided to not let it didn't absorb, and so
Speaker 4: she's like, for.
Speaker 3: The record, no, no, excuse me, for the record.
Speaker 1: I just want to say I don't look at details
Speaker 1: about things until they come closer. So whether that information
Speaker 1: was available or not, I don't I'm not contesting that,
Speaker 1: but I am going to say that I wouldn't have
Speaker 1: been privy to that information until it came closer. And
Speaker 1: then I start to look at details, and I start
Speaker 1: to look at pictures of where we're staying.
Speaker 2: Right on a science boat.
Speaker 4: Yeah, this is not an excuse, Chelsea. I mean this
Speaker 4: is again, all of this information was readily available months
Speaker 4: and months prior when we got When you got us
Speaker 4: excited and By the way, Chelsea and I live in
Speaker 4: different economic brackets for sure, but it wasn't a small
Speaker 4: lump of change. I mean, this was like a nice
Speaker 4: donation to go on this trip. And She's like, I'm out,
Speaker 4: I'm out. Did you guys see the boat? Like this
Speaker 4: is disgusting and it's a twenty four hour trip and
Speaker 4: the water's insane apparently, and where I'm out and what
Speaker 4: happened on our en? I'm like, wait, what really is
Speaker 4: this all going to fall apart? Jenny was like, Chelsea's right,
Speaker 4: I'm out too. This is horrible. I don't know what
Speaker 4: we're thinking. This is this boat looks terrible. So now
Speaker 4: she's gone, So now we're left. I'm like, what's gonna
Speaker 4: happen in the end? Your cousin stepped up? Molly stepped up,
Speaker 4: and well, Molly was always.
Speaker 1: Going, Molly was going always and and Dara, I said, Molly,
Speaker 1: you take a friend.
Speaker 3: So Dara who you know?
Speaker 4: Yeah, we are in.
Speaker 1: My Orca with her this summer. We wait, Dara who
Speaker 1: used to work with me on my Netflix show. She
Speaker 1: went with Mollie was and by the way, did you
Speaker 1: did you end up going?
Speaker 3: Yes?
Speaker 4: Yes, such good friends Chelsea. We've known each other so long,
Speaker 4: and really.
Speaker 1: I went there, so I mean, you expect me to
Speaker 1: remember moments I wasn't even there.
Speaker 4: Fucking out, Yes, I went, and I ended up getting
Speaker 4: a friend to go, Like days before, I was able
Speaker 4: to find somebody because because Jenny was also like I'm out.
Speaker 4: I'm out. Chelsea is right. This boat looks like shit,
Speaker 4: it's gonna sink, and I don't want to go when
Speaker 4: we have we have one kid. I should stay back
Speaker 4: with the kid in case you sink and die. So
Speaker 4: I found a friend and it ended up being fantastic.
Speaker 4: Ours the best Molly and I. We had the best time.
Speaker 4: My buddy was great, Like, we ended up having an
Speaker 4: incredible trip. It's a life highlight for sure. But yeah,
Speaker 4: it all sort of came together in a very Chelsea
Speaker 4: in way where it was like, this is the next
Speaker 4: big adventure. We are doing this, and we're all like yes,
Speaker 4: and then She's like, ah, have fun, guys out.
Speaker 1: But also Dara was seasick from the time they left.
Speaker 1: I don't get seasick, but I think on this kind
Speaker 1: of adventure you might get seasick.
Speaker 3: She was sick.
Speaker 1: She lay in her bed and it was a bunk bed,
Speaker 1: a cement bunk bed.
Speaker 3: So I was right not to go. I was right
Speaker 3: not to go because I.
Speaker 1: Would not have been okay with that, Like I need
Speaker 1: the right pillow tops.
Speaker 3: You brought Maxi pads.
Speaker 4: That's what we just lend a whole bunch of Mexicans.
Speaker 1: Jason always has Maxi pads on him always. Actually I
Speaker 1: prefer the term Maxi shield.
Speaker 3: Anyway. Yes, that's a good story. I'm glad you brought
Speaker 3: that up. Jason.
Speaker 1: I have a question for you because I know that
Speaker 1: you and Jenny just came back from one of your
Speaker 1: adventures and now that you're traveling with two small children.
Speaker 1: Well one of them isn't so small anymore, but they're
Speaker 1: technically smaller children.
Speaker 3: They're not legal.
Speaker 1: How is that going for you? Because it looks crazy.
Speaker 4: Yeah, at the end of every trip that we take
Speaker 4: with the boys, Jenny and I say with complete conviction
Speaker 4: to each other that we are never going to do
Speaker 4: it again. There is no way we can take them.
Speaker 4: It ends up being just not fun for us, and
Speaker 4: it's just a waste of money and time and energy,
Speaker 4: and we're never going to do it again. And then
Speaker 4: we're like monkeys touching the electric fence.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 4: A couple of weeks later, we're like, where should we
Speaker 4: go next. I will say this last trip that we took,
Speaker 4: we went to Dominica Republic on their spring break. It
Speaker 4: was the first time that it felt okay. We were hopeful,
Speaker 4: like there weren't too many major inconveniences because of their age,
Speaker 4: because of their fighting, because of the time and all that.
Speaker 4: It was the first trip where you go, oh, okay,
Speaker 4: I think we're maybe on the other side of it.
Speaker 4: But you know, fully, once I'm sure where it's going
Speaker 4: to the next trip we take is going to be
Speaker 4: a disaster. It's hard. I mean it's very hard. But we,
Speaker 4: like you, we love travel. For us just like you, Chelsea,
Speaker 4: I believe we have this in common, like travel is
Speaker 4: the number one thing in our lives. It is how
Speaker 4: we learned, We want to learn. We're curious people and
Speaker 4: we love doing it, and it's it is where we
Speaker 4: spend our money. It's our luxury and we like doing it.
Speaker 4: And like we always said, we were never going to
Speaker 4: let the kids get in the way that and there
Speaker 4: for the first couple of years though, you know, we
Speaker 4: would still we were still what we should have done.
Speaker 4: I think was sort of edited. The kinds of trips
Speaker 4: that we took been a little bit less ambitious. But
Speaker 4: out the gate we were like, no, we're not going
Speaker 4: to not go to Europe, Germanys. We have kids now,
Speaker 4: fuck that. But in the end we probably should have
Speaker 4: just went to Nantucket, you know, or the shore like
Speaker 4: we would have had fun. It wouldn't have been as
Speaker 4: big of a put out for us in every way.
Speaker 4: But I think we're finally on the other side of
Speaker 4: it because our boys are now both I think at
Speaker 4: an age where they're you're seeing their curiosity about the
Speaker 4: places we go to. They're better with jetlag obviously that
Speaker 4: that was always a huge part of it, and I
Speaker 4: think they're getting better. So I don't know. I'll keep
Speaker 4: you posted. We're going back to Europe over the summer,
Speaker 4: so we'll see.
Speaker 1: One other memory before we get started is for anyone listening,
Speaker 1: because I know the Ayahuasca episode is one of the
Speaker 1: most popular that I did for the Chelsea Does series.
Speaker 3: That was with Jason's wife, Jenny.
Speaker 1: So the woman in that episode, along with my other
Speaker 1: friend Dan, was Jenny, and Jenny had a real epiphany,
Speaker 1: but she also had a very like emotional reaction to
Speaker 1: the ayahuasca. On the first night, and I'll never forget us.
Speaker 1: We were in Peru, like on some tributary off the Amazon,
Speaker 1: and that night I'll never forget Johnny was just like
Speaker 1: all I could see she only had one baby at
Speaker 1: the time, Sid and She's like, all I could see
Speaker 1: is my baby and my husband and my baby, and
Speaker 1: how much I love my baby and how much I
Speaker 1: love my husband and how much I love my baby.
Speaker 1: And I was like, go call Jason and tell him,
Speaker 1: and she's like, she called him, and then she got
Speaker 1: off the phone and go, did you tell him how
Speaker 1: much you realized you loved him? She's like, no, I'm
Speaker 1: not telling him that far. And I just thought that
Speaker 1: was so fucking funny. But of course Jason learned about
Speaker 1: it all because he was saw the episode.
Speaker 4: But yeah, she doesn't want to give me too much
Speaker 4: and that would be that would shift the power balance
Speaker 4: and our relationship in her mind. Yeah, but it's so
Speaker 4: interesting that ayahuasca. Man, it really, it was just so
Speaker 4: profound for her. She came back, she was very clearly
Speaker 4: a changed person because you know she Yeah, motherhood for
Speaker 4: hers is a very you know she's got the weird mom,
Speaker 4: and she she was always afraid to be a mom
Speaker 4: and afraid that she couldn't do it and all this stuff.
Speaker 4: And so that that specific episode, I mean, was hugely
Speaker 4: important and it was incredible. She came back. All the
Speaker 4: things that you're that, the positives you hear about ayahuasca,
Speaker 4: it all happened to her. I knew your experience was
Speaker 4: a little different, but for her, she came back and
Speaker 4: she was like a changed person, changed mom, changed wife,
Speaker 4: the whole thing.
Speaker 3: Oh my god.
Speaker 4: And I was like, this is amazing. It lasted about
Speaker 4: six months, I would say, and then it started to
Speaker 4: just peter out and then it was sort of back
Speaker 4: to square once. So I've been trying to push for
Speaker 4: her to go back to Peru some more ayahuasca.
Speaker 3: Well have you you've never done ayahuasca? Have you no?
Speaker 4: And I you know, I was already sober when you
Speaker 4: guys did that, And honestly, I didn't really know much
Speaker 4: about ayahuasca before that, So when it got on my radar,
Speaker 4: I was already sober. And I'm kind of conflicted about it.
Speaker 4: The truth is, like I mean, I saw it with Jenny,
Speaker 4: and I believe the science behind it that it does
Speaker 4: have incredible therapeutic potential, particularly with addiction and substance issues. Actually,
Speaker 4: and so interestingly ironically, I think it would be wonderful
Speaker 4: for me. But at the same time, because it is
Speaker 4: a mind altering substance, I'm on this sort of it's
Speaker 4: a sort of a gray area for me as a
Speaker 4: sober person to mess with that. You know, I think
Speaker 4: everyone sober people I think that you would talk about
Speaker 4: it would all have a different answer about it. I
Speaker 4: think my sponsor, for example, would probably say, no, don't
Speaker 4: do it. But I'm weirdly open to the idea. But
Speaker 4: the fact that I haven't yet in how everybody was
Speaker 4: that seven years ago. The fact that I haven't yet
Speaker 4: speaks volumes. But you know, now it's sort of the psilocybin, right,
Speaker 4: that's the new sort of version of ayahuasca. And I'm
Speaker 4: in the same boat with that. I'm like, I believe
Speaker 4: it's therapy to polic I know that I would benefit
Speaker 4: from it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, right, I believe you would too.
Speaker 1: I'm not as your you know, obviously, I'm not your sponsor,
Speaker 1: but I think you have the personality that's always like,
Speaker 1: you know, I think it's a growth edge drug ayahuasca.
Speaker 1: Not to speak to the psilocybin, because I feel like
Speaker 1: that could become a habit psilocybin whereas ayahuasca's kind of
Speaker 1: a one off.
Speaker 4: Well, I never did ayahuasca recreationally. That wasn't in my
Speaker 4: repectation of drugs, whereas psilocybin was something that I would
Speaker 4: do to get fucked up a lot, exactly.
Speaker 3: And ayahuasca is more of a therapeutic.
Speaker 1: Even though psilocybin is in the way it's distributed, it
Speaker 1: can become more of a habit, whereas ayahuasca is just
Speaker 1: kind of like an experience. There are people who do
Speaker 1: it multiple times, but I feel like my experience lasted forever.
Speaker 1: Knock on wood, I still have the same feelings I
Speaker 1: had after I knew that it changed my mindset period
Speaker 1: for good with regard to my relationship with my sister.
Speaker 1: But anyway, okay, Well that was very entertaining Jason as usual.
Speaker 3: I just love talking to you.
Speaker 1: Oh and the other thing I love about Jason, which
Speaker 1: is why he's on the show today, is because he's
Speaker 1: very into therapy and he's very into talking about his emotions,
Speaker 1: and for a straight guy, I appreciate that. I think
Speaker 1: he's Jewish because he goes to therapy, but I'm always
Speaker 1: reminded that he's actually not Jewish because Jewish men are
Speaker 1: so good at therapy. But Jason is very well attuned
Speaker 1: to his own emotions and talking through them, and so
Speaker 1: I thought it would be very nice to have a
Speaker 1: straight guye on to answer our callers questions, and we
Speaker 1: curated them towards you so that you will wait.
Speaker 3: Okay, I love that.
Speaker 2: Well, we'll take a quick break and we'll come right
Speaker 2: back with some callers, and we're back. We're back. Well,
Speaker 2: we'll start with a caller today. Aisha is calling in
Speaker 2: about a sensitive subject and we have to get her
Speaker 2: back to work. So she says, Dear Chelsea, I'm a
Speaker 2: thirty six year old woman married with two boys. My
Speaker 2: husband and I have been married for about a decade.
Speaker 2: He is the epitome of a good man. He never lies,
Speaker 2: he's actually incapable of lying. He has never yelled at me.
Speaker 2: He respects my friends and family, goes out of his
Speaker 2: way to help anyone, and is genuinely one of the
Speaker 2: best people I know. Before him and I got married,
Speaker 2: we had each been in one other serious relationship. My
Speaker 2: first boyfriend, when I was nineteen, was the first man
Speaker 2: I'd ever had sex with, and he was much more
Speaker 2: experienced than me. The sex with him was amazing, but
Speaker 2: he was the epitome of a bad boy and didn't
Speaker 2: treat me the greatest. My husband also has had only
Speaker 2: one other sexual partner prior, and that relationship he had
Speaker 2: was only a few months long. Needless to say, he
Speaker 2: was very inexperienced when we got together. The sex between
Speaker 2: us has never been great. In the very beginning, things
Speaker 2: seemed promising, like it might get really good, but as
Speaker 2: time went on it was the same old, lackluster routine.
Speaker 2: I know they say you have to teach your partner
Speaker 2: what you like, but I don't want to have to
Speaker 2: train a man. There's nothing sexier than a man who
Speaker 2: knows what he's doing in the bedroom and just takes
Speaker 2: full control. I've never had an orgasm with him, and
Speaker 2: as the years went on, we've just had less and
Speaker 2: less sex. We'd attempt it occasionally after having kids, but
Speaker 2: i'd have to stop because nothing was working and I
Speaker 2: would just completely shut down. We're to the point now
Speaker 2: where we just don't have sex at all. I have
Speaker 2: zero romantic interest in him, and I can't even will
Speaker 2: myself to want to kiss him. I long for the
Speaker 2: days of my twenties when I was having incredible sex
Speaker 2: and the feelings of just not being able to get
Speaker 2: enough of my partner. I'm now in my mid thirties
Speaker 2: and I crave to have that relationship with a man again.
Speaker 2: I find that the only pleasure I get comes from
Speaker 2: masturbating thinking about the sex I had with my ex.
Speaker 2: How do I get the romantic feelings back from my
Speaker 2: husband and how do I get a great sex life again?
Speaker 2: Please help? Sincerely, Aisha, Hi, Aisha Hi, Chelsey, Hi, Aisha Hi.
Speaker 3: We have Jason Biggs as our special guest today. Say hi, hi, Hiisho.
Speaker 1: I'll jump in first because I just want to say,
Speaker 1: you owe it to your partner to express these things
Speaker 1: and to try, and it is your responsibility in a sense,
Speaker 1: to teach your partner what makes you feel good. It
Speaker 1: is because you're in a committed relationship and there's no
Speaker 1: way that he's going to figure that out without you
Speaker 1: verbalizing it. And as unattractive as that may sound, you're married,
Speaker 1: you've been in this relationship for sometime. You owe it
Speaker 1: to him to give him a chance to understand what
Speaker 1: you're expecting or what you need. Obviously having a no
Speaker 1: orgasm and not having great sex is a turnoff, right,
Speaker 1: But how can you expect him to know anything unless
Speaker 1: you are communicative about it, and you know a sex
Speaker 1: therapist will be able to give you the language to
Speaker 1: use if you don't feel like you know how.
Speaker 3: To say these things to him.
Speaker 1: Okay, Like, you can't give up on your relationship unless
Speaker 1: you give somebody the tools to improve and then they
Speaker 1: can't do it, then then there's a you know, you
Speaker 1: have to kind of overturn all of these things before
Speaker 1: you can give up on someone. I would say, I mean,
Speaker 1: if you were dating him for a couple of months,
Speaker 1: sure fucking say good bye.
Speaker 3: But I think don't you owe him a little bit
Speaker 3: more than that?
Speaker 5: No, I agree, as if.
Speaker 6: I just find the communication part very hard because he's
Speaker 6: not a good communicator. So whenever we do try to communicate,
Speaker 6: it's always like I put myself out there and he
Speaker 6: doesn't really know how to respond or how to fully community.
Speaker 6: Like we've already gone to like marriage counsel and I
Speaker 6: got couple's therapy, and even like the therapists. We started
Speaker 6: out together and then they recommended that we do individual
Speaker 6: sessions as well. Like, even the therapist had trouble getting
Speaker 6: him to communicate and open up. So it's just very
Speaker 6: vulnerable for me to put myself out there and then
Speaker 6: not get anything back.
Speaker 4: Did he remain in his individual therapy.
Speaker 5: Not very long.
Speaker 6: Even the therapist was like, we're not really getting anywhere
Speaker 6: because like he really doesn't know how to communicate.
Speaker 1: This is a very common issue among men, FYI, So
Speaker 1: you know that, you know, I know a lot of
Speaker 1: my friends who deal with the same thing.
Speaker 4: I mean, obviously, sex is hugely important in a relationship,
Speaker 4: especially in a marriage, but I do believe you need
Speaker 4: to sort of exhaust every option obviously before you sort
Speaker 4: of raise the white flag here. It's a bummer to
Speaker 4: hear that he's not a great communicator. It's interesting because
Speaker 4: you talked about how could a guy he is, But
Speaker 4: I really wish there was a world in which you
Speaker 4: could both commit to Does he understand just how important
Speaker 4: an issue this is to you, Like, how much has
Speaker 4: been conveyed to him in terms of how you specifically
Speaker 4: the sex issue, how important it is to you, and
Speaker 4: how much it is an issue. Is he aware? He
Speaker 4: is aware of it, right?
Speaker 6: I mean I would like to think so, but I
Speaker 6: guess we haven't really had that full conversation. But I
Speaker 6: mean at this point, I mean, I couldn't even tell
Speaker 6: you the last time that we had sex.
Speaker 5: It's probably been years.
Speaker 3: We'll start with that.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think you need to start with that. I
Speaker 4: mean it's and not in a threatening way, obviously, but
Speaker 4: I think he should know that you're in a really
Speaker 4: bad spot. This is something that's incredibly important to you,
Speaker 4: and you're not You don't want this relationship to end.
Speaker 4: He's the father of your children, and you guys obviously
Speaker 4: he's a great guy and you guys have something clearly.
Speaker 4: But I think you need to let him know just
Speaker 4: how really difficult this particular position is for you. And
Speaker 4: if there isn't movement, then you don't don't know what
Speaker 4: sort of to do from there. He needs to know
Speaker 4: how sort of dire it is, because it is important.
Speaker 4: Jenny and I fight. I mean, we've gotten into some
Speaker 4: real fight. We'll go we joke about it, but the
Speaker 4: truth is we'll go stretches without having sex, and sometimes
Speaker 4: the sex is just whatever, And but we know that
Speaker 4: the potential is there. We just have to find the
Speaker 4: way to talk to each other and let each other
Speaker 4: know what the issues are. I really think you should
Speaker 4: try to make him go back to therapy, and if
Speaker 4: he doesn't want to do individual again, like then the
Speaker 4: two of you go back to the Chelsea mentioned a
Speaker 4: sex therapy. There's marriage counselors, but then there's ones that
Speaker 4: are more specific to sex. I think would be really
Speaker 4: good for you to look into. I can really tell
Speaker 4: from your letter. But assuming that you want this to work,
Speaker 4: I mean, are you kind of at the end where
Speaker 4: you're just going I want to be done with this
Speaker 4: and I don't know what to do next, or do
Speaker 4: you want this to work out?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 5: I want it to work. I mean we have two kids.
Speaker 6: I mean it's not something that I'm just going to
Speaker 6: walk away from, and I mean I definitely want to
Speaker 6: put in the effort, you know, to make it work.
Speaker 4: Yeah, well then I think you need to put in
Speaker 4: a little more effort. Yeah.
Speaker 1: A good person to listen to just on your own
Speaker 1: first and foremost is Esther Peril. She's like the great
Speaker 1: sex therapist and she has a podcast and she talks
Speaker 1: about this exact thing with couples and when their sex
Speaker 1: dries up and they don't have any spark left, and
Speaker 1: that sounds kind of like where you are. But I
Speaker 1: don't know if writing an email to your husband or
Speaker 1: sitting down and talking to him, which whatever you think,
Speaker 1: would have a greater impact, but really laying it out,
Speaker 1: because the only way he's going to learn to communicate, obviously,
Speaker 1: is with your communication. I know many men that are
Speaker 1: like this, and you have to say, this is exactly
Speaker 1: what Jason saying. This is getting dire. I'm starting to
Speaker 1: think about maybe we might not make it unless we
Speaker 1: start to cultivate some more sexual honesty between us, and
Speaker 1: for me, that involves having pleasurable.
Speaker 3: Sex with you.
Speaker 1: If you're interested in that, we have to work to
Speaker 1: revitalize our relationship.
Speaker 3: We have two kids.
Speaker 1: I want to stay married you, but I don't want
Speaker 1: to live like this forever.
Speaker 3: So it's not a threat.
Speaker 1: It's just an honest assessment of where you are and
Speaker 1: maybe therapy and time. But really focus on the sexual therapist.
Speaker 1: Like getting a sexual therapist. These people are skilled and
Speaker 1: well versed in how do you get the ball rolling
Speaker 1: again and communicating Because even if your husband's a shitty
Speaker 1: communicator in real life, he could be a great communicator.
Speaker 3: In your sex life.
Speaker 1: There are different compartmentalizations that people have, and once they
Speaker 1: learn the language and get the vocabulary, they're excited to
Speaker 1: be able to use that vocabulary.
Speaker 3: So you could still have that.
Speaker 1: You know what I mean, Like, you could still have
Speaker 1: a good sex life if you put some effort in.
Speaker 3: There's a possibility of that.
Speaker 1: You know, there's no guarantee, but it's worth exploring more
Speaker 1: and focusing on that aspect of things rather than maybe.
Speaker 3: Going to couple's counseling.
Speaker 1: Since you guys already try that route and it didn't
Speaker 1: work out, I would say you didn't have the right counselor,
Speaker 1: and it's worth trying again. But first and foremost, I
Speaker 1: think you should address this issue because you know, having
Speaker 1: sex with people.
Speaker 3: It is always going to bring you closer to that person.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and Esther also talks a lot about how when
Speaker 2: you're more comfortable with your partner, like you talked about
Speaker 2: at the top of your email, the more comfortable you
Speaker 2: are and the more safe you feel. Sometimes like the
Speaker 2: sex get it fizzles and it gets less hot and
Speaker 2: less hot. The more comfortable you are with them. So
Speaker 2: she has books and she's got a podcast, so I
Speaker 2: would check that out as well. I think one other
Speaker 2: thing to point out is this conversation that you're gonna
Speaker 2: have with him about like this is something that's really
Speaker 2: important for the continuation of our marriage. Is something that
Speaker 2: while it doesn't seem like there's a huge risk of
Speaker 2: that because you guys aren't really having sex anymore, it
Speaker 2: should not come at a point where you've like tried
Speaker 2: to have sex and it's fizzled. It should be like, hey,
Speaker 2: family meeting time, just you and me, let's talk about
Speaker 2: how we can jump start our sex life because this
Speaker 2: isn't working for me.
Speaker 4: So that family meeting with the boys as well would
Speaker 4: be very interesting.
Speaker 2: Exactly exactly.
Speaker 5: We just had that conversation with my five year old
Speaker 5: the other day. Actually, yeah, about your.
Speaker 4: Sex life with your husband?
Speaker 5: Well no, no, no, no, no.
Speaker 6: We were in the and he just randomly said, so,
Speaker 6: how do babies actually get.
Speaker 5: Into the mom's bellies? I need all the information.
Speaker 2: Maybe your husband just needs all the information.
Speaker 3: It does.
Speaker 2: Here's exactly what I want.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 4: I could have said, well I used to know, but
Speaker 4: it's been so long I couldn't tell you, and.
Speaker 1: I wouldn't say like I've never had an orgasm with you.
Speaker 1: I would say, like, it's been a while since I've
Speaker 1: had an orgasm with you, Like this is what it
Speaker 1: takes for me to have an orgasm, you know, Like
Speaker 1: do you feel comfortable with having this conversation with him?
Speaker 6: Not particularly, but I'm going to force myself to do that.
Speaker 6: The only thing I'm really struggling with is once we
Speaker 6: get through this is like in my head, I always
Speaker 6: have this expectation that sex is just gonna be shitty,
Speaker 6: so I can never like initiate it. How do I
Speaker 6: get over that hurdle of once we get there and
Speaker 6: we're starting up again, like getting out of that mindset?
Speaker 1: Well, you should tell him a that you want him
Speaker 1: to initiate sex, right, and you're projecting like your past
Speaker 1: experience onto the future, which does doesn't ever work for anybody.
Speaker 1: Because you can have a new beginning with him. You
Speaker 1: have to be present about what you're doing. Now you
Speaker 1: have a new approach. You're going to talk to him
Speaker 1: in an honest way that you probably have an exercise
Speaker 1: for a while. So the result of that has the
Speaker 1: potential to be really great, and you should focus on
Speaker 1: that instead of what has happened in the past.
Speaker 3: Okay, and just keep telling yourself. If you want different results,
Speaker 3: you have to act in a different way.
Speaker 1: Your behavior now is going to be different because you're
Speaker 1: addressing it head on, and that's going to lead to
Speaker 1: different results. And that's what you have to keep telling yourself. Okay,
Speaker 1: all right, we'll keep us posted and let us know
Speaker 1: what happened.
Speaker 3: Okay, we're back, all right.
Speaker 5: I will thank you.
Speaker 1: So send us some pictures of you guys having wild
Speaker 1: sex and I'll post thanks for you.
Speaker 3: Actually, I'll have Jason post them for you.
Speaker 1: Okay, okay, shaw bye bye, all right, well, good, we
Speaker 1: put a smile on her face. That's the most important thing.
Speaker 6: MS.
Speaker 3: Dude, all my Orange just escape to me. That's my
Speaker 3: therapy Orange. I know.
Speaker 2: Hopefully this is the point where like she can get
Speaker 2: to the point where they're having great sex, like she
Speaker 2: talked about, like I was envision.
Speaker 3: At this point because it sounded sex just any sex
Speaker 3: and men.
Speaker 1: You know, Jason, your present company excluded because I doubt
Speaker 1: you're like this, But I mean, there are so many
Speaker 1: men that are not able to communicate anything, and that
Speaker 1: the idea of communication is so scary that they would
Speaker 1: rather opt out of the relationship than have to deal
Speaker 1: with it, you know what I mean. But there's also
Speaker 1: a group of men who, when put to the test
Speaker 1: and know that it's the end of the rope, will
Speaker 1: do whatever they can to salvage the relationship.
Speaker 2: I think that was such a good point that you
Speaker 2: guys both made. Was so often when it's like, we
Speaker 2: haven't had sex in three years, I'm out, Like it's
Speaker 2: the person gets blindsided and they didn't even see it coming,
Speaker 2: when like she's obviously been feeling this way for years,
Speaker 2: maybe for their entire relationship. So having that conversation where
Speaker 2: she's like, I'm getting to the point where I want
Speaker 2: to raise the white flag is so important.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Well, our next caller is Gabriel, and Gabriel says, dear Chelsea.
Speaker 2: I'm thirty years old and disabled. I've been in a
Speaker 2: very lovely relationship with my girlfriend for the past six years,
Speaker 2: and for four of those we've been living together. I'm
Speaker 2: one hundred percent sure she's the one that's been settled.
Speaker 2: May issue is this all our family and friends ask
Speaker 2: when we're getting married and having children. Getting married will
Speaker 2: eventually happen because that's something we both want. We just
Speaker 2: aren't worried much about it since we're in a great
Speaker 2: place in life right now. I take issue with the
Speaker 2: question about when we're having kids. My girlfriend and I
Speaker 2: are sure that we don't want kids for more reason
Speaker 2: than one. Some are personal, some come down to the
Speaker 2: fact that we just don't want them. Comments at least
Speaker 2: toward me, are always made about how I'm very good
Speaker 2: with kids and I must be wanting to become a dad,
Speaker 2: when in reality, I don't really like kids. I'm good
Speaker 2: with them because they're just that they're kids, but it
Speaker 2: doesn't mean I want them for myself. I find myself
Speaker 2: not knowing how to answer this question anymore without sounding
Speaker 2: like an asshole or what others claim is selfish. When
Speaker 2: asked why I don't want kids, no means no. Even
Speaker 2: with a seemingly harmless question like this, it does get
Speaker 2: very annoying, and I'm running out of things to say
Speaker 2: because to some folks, I don't want kids isn't enough.
Speaker 2: Thank you all for listening. I hope you can tell
Speaker 2: me what to do, because I'm starting to think just
Speaker 2: walking away from the question is the way to go.
Speaker 2: HI Gabrielle.
Speaker 3: Hi Gabrielle, Hi, gabriel Hello, how are you guys, Eri
Speaker 3: Gabriel That's Jason our special guest today.
Speaker 1: Jason Biggs is here, so you have a straight mail
Speaker 1: to lean on as well as the two of us.
Speaker 4: Straight ish Finally, Nice to meet you man, Nice to
Speaker 4: meet you, Jason.
Speaker 3: What would you like to say out of the gate
Speaker 3: on this one?
Speaker 4: Oh boy, Yeah, I actually really want to hear what
Speaker 4: Chelsea has to say on this. I think it's more.
Speaker 4: I think it applies more to her. I mean, my
Speaker 4: situation is this, I always wanted kids. I married someone
Speaker 4: who was not as gung ho as I was, you know,
Speaker 4: and so there was always a bit of a disparity
Speaker 4: in whenever we would answer this particular question for starters,
Speaker 4: but also when just our general approach to it. As
Speaker 4: time started going by, and we've been married for multiple years,
Speaker 4: we didn't have to sit until we were married almost
Speaker 4: you know, eight or nine years, anythink, But eventually Jenny
Speaker 4: sort of Jenny's big thing was fear. The reason she
Speaker 4: didn't want to do is because she was afraid she
Speaker 4: would be a terrible moment. Because she didn't have a
Speaker 4: particularly great moment right. I think that's sort of my
Speaker 4: psychology one on one on the whole thing. But there
Speaker 4: was a part of her that sort of knew why
Speaker 4: and knew that maybe she should over try to at
Speaker 4: least overcome that fear. So I saw an opening, So
Speaker 4: I definitely was trying to kind of push it a
Speaker 4: little bit more. Ultimately we did it, We got to
Speaker 4: that place, and she became a different person as a mom.
Speaker 4: I mean, we talked earlier in this episode about Jenny's
Speaker 4: yahuasca experience. She for the first few years and even
Speaker 4: to this day, sometimes she's like, I don't what am
Speaker 4: I doing? Was this the right thing? But I shouldn't
Speaker 4: say was this the right thing? She knows it was
Speaker 4: the right thing, but she still questions, you know, we
Speaker 4: all anyway. My point is she's on the other side
Speaker 4: of it now, and it's an incredible thing that we
Speaker 4: have the kids. So it's a little different, I suppose,
Speaker 4: than where you guys are in that you're both on
Speaker 4: the same page about this. That's the great thing about
Speaker 4: your situation, I think, is that there's no disagreement, there's
Speaker 4: no difference in the way you guys feel about the issue.
Speaker 4: So that's wonderful, Chelsea. I really want to defer to
Speaker 4: you on this, like what are your.
Speaker 1: Thoughts on I think that you should come together with
Speaker 1: your fiance and develop a united front answer for each person.
Speaker 1: People just don't have any original ideas to talk about.
Speaker 1: So when they know that you're in love, they want
Speaker 1: to know when you're getting married, and then they want
Speaker 1: to know about kids because that's just the way that
Speaker 1: society has been built. So the best way to just
Speaker 1: confront that, or you don't have to confront I guess
Speaker 1: it's more of like, you know, you feel like you're
Speaker 1: on the defense when people ask you that question. I mean,
Speaker 1: I know that I've been asked that question, even as
Speaker 1: public as I've been about, you know, not wanting children.
Speaker 3: Not that I don't like children, I don't.
Speaker 1: It's exactly what you just said in your letter. I'm
Speaker 1: nice to them because they're children, but I.
Speaker 3: Don't want them. I don't want one of them.
Speaker 1: And it's a newer idea culturally, but it's not a
Speaker 1: new idea. There are plenty of people that have had
Speaker 1: children that shouldn't have had them, that didn't want them,
Speaker 1: that thought that they had to have them. So a
Speaker 1: simple answer is we don't want to be one of
Speaker 1: those people who regret having children because.
Speaker 3: We both just don't feel the urge that's good.
Speaker 1: And having people try to convince us otherwise feels really
Speaker 1: unfair to an on board child, you.
Speaker 7: Know, That's really all it is. Like I'm I'm someone
Speaker 7: that's really happy with my life. My girlfriend Santa, she's great.
Speaker 7: She We're both really in great stable areas in our lives.
Speaker 7: We love what we do, and like it's just for
Speaker 7: one like she has for reasons. I have my reasons.
Speaker 4: For me.
Speaker 7: I know as a disabled person that I cannot have kids,
Speaker 7: Like I know that, and that's such a thing that's
Speaker 7: like not very common with guys, and that's like spoken about,
Speaker 7: like infertility, it's not very talked about. And I think
Speaker 7: that's kind of really frustrating in my case because I'm like,
Speaker 7: I can't have kids, and then I get the.
Speaker 8: Oh, you should adopt kids.
Speaker 7: I'm like, you're not listening to know. I don't want
Speaker 7: exactly the whole experience, the kind of like how Jason
Speaker 7: said with the fear at the same time. At first,
Speaker 7: I think it was the fear, but I think in
Speaker 7: my case, my fear is kind of in a selfish way,
Speaker 7: because I have an amazing mom, but as the years passed,
Speaker 7: and like with diabeties, I know her life is kind
Speaker 7: of ending. And as selfish as it is, like this
Speaker 7: is something like I hold to my heart. I don't
Speaker 7: want to bring kids into this world and them not
Speaker 7: get to meet my mom and enjoy her, because my
Speaker 7: grandmother was a huge part of my life and I
Speaker 7: only got to enjoy her for eight years and that
Speaker 7: like crushed me. And I'm thirty now and every day
Speaker 7: I remember her. I try to keep her present in
Speaker 7: my life. But at the same time, I'm like my
Speaker 7: girlfriend always says that she just doesn't have the desire,
Speaker 7: and like, I know that I also don't have the
Speaker 7: desire because I've never, like, like I said, I'm good kids.
Speaker 7: I've babysat a lot of kids. I've actually even delivered
Speaker 7: a kid. Eleven year old should not be delivering kids.
Speaker 7: I was an eleven year old delivering a kid. Weird experience.
Speaker 7: I know, I was like, WHOA not for me? So
Speaker 7: that's another reason it's cool. My friends have kids. A
Speaker 7: lot of them kind of bug me about it and
Speaker 7: like just even know is like they just won't take
Speaker 7: that they bring up an excuse, but maybe Siena does.
Speaker 7: And I'm like, I know, I know Sienna doesn't want them.
Speaker 1: But also you don't owe anyone even an explanation, you know,
Speaker 1: And I'm a good way to shut it down is say, listen,
Speaker 1: I've experienced enough difficulty in my life being handicapped. Like
Speaker 1: my experience is enough to take up a lot of
Speaker 1: space in our room. We don't have room for a child.
Speaker 1: That should shut people the fuck up right away.
Speaker 7: I'm only four to four great, Yeah, I'm really short,
Speaker 7: so I'm only going to hold my kid for two
Speaker 7: months and then I'm gonna be like, all right, well.
Speaker 4: You're my size. But I also, Gabriel, I think you
Speaker 4: should run with. Dude, I think you should run with.
Speaker 4: Next time someone asks you, be like, have you ever
Speaker 4: delivered a kid? And when they say no, you'll be like,
Speaker 4: I have, I don't want to do again. I'm done,
Speaker 4: peace out. Just drop the like I literally get delivered
Speaker 4: a kid on them. I feel that's your trump card.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and then you can transition to that funny story,
Speaker 2: you know, like it traumatize me enough, like I can't
Speaker 2: handle it.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it was too much for me.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1: I mean, we just gave you three options to shove
Speaker 1: people the fuck up, So I mean just write all
Speaker 1: three of those down and that way you can fire
Speaker 1: that off anytime somebody asks you the question.
Speaker 2: And I will say, as someone who's been married for
Speaker 2: a long time, you know, assuming you guys go the
Speaker 2: long haul, there is a point at which it stops
Speaker 2: being cute, like people think it's cute to ask you
Speaker 2: in you're having kids, to where it's awkward for them
Speaker 2: to ask you if you're having kids, like after the
Speaker 2: ten year mark, they're like, well, if they wanted them,
Speaker 2: they'd be having them already, or there might be some
Speaker 2: trouble going on there that they, you know, can't get
Speaker 2: pregnant or whatever. People make their own assumptions just like
Speaker 2: they do assuming that you might want kids. So it
Speaker 2: does get a little bit better.
Speaker 7: Yeah, that's that's really what I'm I'm I'm hoping for.
Speaker 7: Like it's just very I think I'm in like a
Speaker 7: generation where it's in the middle of a transition area
Speaker 7: where younger folks want to not have kids and women
Speaker 7: and guys are just kind of living a more free
Speaker 7: life with like older folks. So you got to get married,
Speaker 7: you got to have the kids. And so I'm kind
Speaker 7: of like, I enjoy my life. I like to smoke
Speaker 7: my weed. I like to enjoy my Dodger games. I
Speaker 7: work with homeless veterans. I help house them, so that's
Speaker 7: like a job that I absolutely love in a door.
Speaker 7: I have a dog, I have my precious partner. Like,
Speaker 7: I don't need anything else. I'm fine, I'm happy, We're happy.
Speaker 7: Can it just kind of stop there. It's just a
Speaker 7: little frustrating and overwhelming, the constant, constant, constant. It's like, damn, y'all,
Speaker 7: pull the funk out.
Speaker 3: Yeah, totally.
Speaker 4: I say this, though, for what it's worth, I would
Speaker 4: assume that it's better that it's coming externally as opposed
Speaker 4: to within the relationship. The fact that you yeah and
Speaker 4: she or on the exact same page about this is
Speaker 4: such a beautiful thing, and that's what's ultimately going to
Speaker 4: get you through. You know. It sounds like you've got
Speaker 4: a lot, a lot of things to be happy for
Speaker 4: right now. So yeah, it's a bummer that this kind
Speaker 4: of weazy down a bit. But I hope there's a
Speaker 4: like Catherine said, I think it'll subside.
Speaker 7: I sure hope so I'm looking forward to that, like
Speaker 7: I know, marriage and all that stuff. Eventually, it's something
Speaker 7: we want. We've talked that out a million times. The
Speaker 7: kids stuff as well. We're just we kind of as
Speaker 7: bizarre as it is. I think that was kind of
Speaker 7: a turn on which she was like, Oh, I don't
Speaker 7: want kids.
Speaker 1: That's not bizarre if you feel that way and you
Speaker 1: find someone that's like minded, and a good idea is
Speaker 1: when you do get married, a great announcement to make
Speaker 1: your wedding is that we don't want to be asked
Speaker 1: about children because we're not having any.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 3: I love that.
Speaker 2: Well, Gabriel, thank you so much for calling in. Let
Speaker 2: us know how it goes next time you tell a
Speaker 2: gory story about delivering a child at eleven years old.
Speaker 7: All right, thank you guys so much. I appreciate your words.
Speaker 7: Thank you.
Speaker 3: Take care, Gabriel. I have a good one.
Speaker 1: Delivering a baby, and I was going to ask him that,
Speaker 1: but I was like, shit, I didn't know how much
Speaker 1: time we had.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I have more questions than answers after that, You're right,
Speaker 4: I'm not gonna lie.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Well, Grace says dear Chelsea, my husband of a couple
Speaker 2: months now, who I truly adore, follows, likes and views
Speaker 2: what I call first trap influencers on Instagram, Twitter and TikTok.
Speaker 2: I'll admit they're super hot, but you know the kind.
Speaker 2: It's almost like watching porn or being on only fans
Speaker 2: all day now. As a single guy in the past,
Speaker 2: I'm sure he did this prior to our involvement or marriage.
Speaker 2: Totally fine, and in fact, I promote healthy porn watch
Speaker 2: in and out of a serious relationship. I myself partake
Speaker 2: in such pastimes. For some reason, this feels different. When
Speaker 2: does it become too much or not acceptable. I'm not
Speaker 2: a twenty eight year old with great tits and a
Speaker 2: smoking ass, but I do know he finds me attractive,
Speaker 2: and I also feel pretty damn sexy myself. I mean, hell,
Speaker 2: I do me. He doesn't have many followers on his accounts.
Speaker 2: He seems to just use these platforms to follow sports,
Speaker 2: politics and these naughty girls. We aren't friends online ourselves,
Speaker 2: and I don't sneak looks at his dms. We have
Speaker 2: a great sex life and I feel loved, seen and appreciated.
Speaker 2: Why do you think I feel sad when he quickly
Speaker 2: scrolls past and tries to hide these bang and ask girls,
Speaker 2: just wondering what your thoughts on this are and maybe
Speaker 2: how to express this to him without seeming incredibly insecure
Speaker 2: and tell him it makes me uncomfortable? Should I worry?
Speaker 2: Or is it not a big deal? I'm on the
Speaker 2: fence all my love, Grace?
Speaker 3: What do you think of that? Jason?
Speaker 4: She said something at the end there about how do
Speaker 4: I say this without seeming insecure? What's wrong with seeming insecure? Cure?
Speaker 4: I have two thoughts on it that kind of fight
Speaker 4: each other. The one is I don't think it's that
Speaker 4: big a deal. Hi, baby, big career? We're talking?
Speaker 3: Baby? Is that you?
Speaker 4: I'm getting text?
Speaker 8: Could you be a little bit quieter? By too long
Speaker 8: to hear me?
Speaker 3: Jenny? We need your advice on this.
Speaker 4: Okay.
Speaker 1: So we had someone Collin who said that her husband,
Speaker 1: who she loves very much, follows a bunch of thirst
Speaker 1: trap type people on Instagram. He follows politics, sports, and
Speaker 1: thirst traps, and she's getting insecure about him looking at
Speaker 1: these photos of women and she doesn't want to come
Speaker 1: off as insecure, but she doesn't know what to do
Speaker 1: because it makes her feel uncomfortable.
Speaker 8: Well, I just go on, Jason's going to delete anybody.
Speaker 8: I don't want him following.
Speaker 1: You're right, right, okay, so that's one option, that's and
Speaker 1: Jason never notices.
Speaker 4: That really interesting block them. I still feel like I
Speaker 4: follow a couple now, well not for law.
Speaker 8: For him though, are like pictures of like Hooney on
Speaker 8: a bit of ripes.
Speaker 4: That's true for real, it's true. No, but hold on,
Speaker 4: I do think Look, it's the porn issue, right like,
Speaker 4: even when the sex is incredible, but more discrete about well,
Speaker 4: that's my thing. He needs to either chill the funk out,
Speaker 4: be more discreet. It sounds to me like she's trying
Speaker 4: to find it a little bit. No I find baby,
Speaker 4: do you see who I find?
Speaker 1: Like?
Speaker 8: Don't you see nothing that Sarah Foster always does when
Speaker 8: she sees that, like Tommy like likes a photo of
Speaker 8: like some like, well you don't like it, well, first
Speaker 8: of all, don't be an idiot.
Speaker 4: Don't like the photos you can follow it, don't post
Speaker 4: all right, don't.
Speaker 8: Come all over the.
Speaker 3: I love you, love you.
Speaker 4: But my other thought is there's nothing wrong with being
Speaker 4: honest and also showing your vulnerability and your insecurity. But like,
Speaker 4: come on, say it like Hey, dude, I if I
Speaker 4: was the guy and Jenny came up to me and
Speaker 4: it was like, you would not castrate me, and I
Speaker 4: do do it.
Speaker 8: I do follow.
Speaker 1: Booth in everybody, this is what's happening at their house.
Speaker 4: I do. There are a few people I follow. Shut
Speaker 4: my door.
Speaker 3: So I can follow some more. Okay, I feel like
Speaker 3: you need to.
Speaker 1: She needs to tell him that it makes her feel icky,
Speaker 1: and I think that's fine.
Speaker 4: Yeah, she should be honest with them. She should be
Speaker 4: honest with them, but with the understanding that it's like
Speaker 4: he's not doing something wrong. In my opinion, it's if
Speaker 4: you make him feel like he's being accused of doing
Speaker 4: something wrong. It's how you phrase it. If you make
Speaker 4: it about yourself. This is This goes for anything in
Speaker 4: the relationship, right you make it not you?
Speaker 1: Not you are making me feel insecure. It makes me
Speaker 1: feel insecure. I'm insecure and this doesn't help my insecurity.
Speaker 3: Not you make me insecure, which is such fucking bullshit.
Speaker 3: When someone says that to you.
Speaker 4: Thank you, that's it. It's a It's a subtle but
Speaker 4: incredibly huge difference. And that would be my approach.
Speaker 2: Maybe the ask is, can you follow those gals on
Speaker 2: another count, so like you can look at that in
Speaker 2: your private time, so I don't have about.
Speaker 1: That now when you have private stuff and it's like
Speaker 1: it's not private, It's not like he's having an affair.
Speaker 3: He's just looking at these accounts.
Speaker 1: Listen, when I start dating a guy and I see
Speaker 1: that they follow a ton of celebs accounts and they're
Speaker 1: not a celebrity, I'm grossed out.
Speaker 3: I'm like, what is he doing? You know what I mean?
Speaker 3: Like gives you that? Not in an insecure way.
Speaker 1: I'm just like, wait, why is this guy caring about
Speaker 1: so much about celebrities if you're not a celebrity?
Speaker 3: Like, the whole point of dating somebody that's not a
Speaker 3: celebrity is that you don't want to deal with that
Speaker 3: whole world. Do you want to have a life independent
Speaker 3: of that?
Speaker 1: So I can relate to it in a certain certain degree,
Speaker 1: Not as in a jealous way.
Speaker 3: I'm more of a turned off way, like what are
Speaker 3: you doing?
Speaker 1: But I think when you have insecurities, it's okay to
Speaker 1: express them as long as you're not accusing the other
Speaker 1: person of making you feel And then see how he
Speaker 1: responds to that.
Speaker 4: That's it. See how he responds might go, oh god,
Speaker 4: and look joking aside, I follow some pages on there
Speaker 4: that I'm not particularly that that are a little voyeuristic
Speaker 4: and weird that sometimes then we'll post like sexy photos
Speaker 4: of people. Well I don't follow the sexy accounts, but
Speaker 4: they'll sometimes be reposted on other accounts that I follow. Sure,
Speaker 4: but here's the thing, like he doesn't have to follow them,
Speaker 4: Like if you treat it like porn, dude, you want
Speaker 4: to go to those pages, go check them out at
Speaker 4: another time when you're alone. You don't have to be
Speaker 4: sitting there scrolling and have to so that she's just
Speaker 4: unfollow and the next time you want to see someone's boots,
Speaker 4: whether it's on a porn site or an Instagram follow,
Speaker 4: go and do it in privacy. To me, it's an
Speaker 4: easy fix. But I do believe if she approaches it
Speaker 4: with vulnerability, I think there's no reason he shouldn't react.
Speaker 1: And also he may get defensive in the beginning. But
Speaker 1: if that happens, see what he does, how he responds
Speaker 1: instead of reacts, you know what I mean, Give it
Speaker 1: a little space to see how he responds to your
Speaker 1: feelings being heart or you being insecure, about something, because
Speaker 1: in a loving relationship, the other person should worry about
Speaker 1: the other person's feelings and you know, making sure that
Speaker 1: they're okay.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and you're not asking them to like get what
Speaker 4: is this to give up? I mean, at the end
Speaker 4: of the day, day, it is like compromise, right, is
Speaker 4: the key to relationships at the end, it's like compromise
Speaker 4: and communications. So at the end of the day, if
Speaker 4: it really came down to he needs to not follow
Speaker 4: a couple sexily clad models on Instagram, then like, who cares, dude?
Speaker 2: Yeah. I also like, I don't know that it's a
Speaker 2: big I mean, I feel like a.
Speaker 3: Girl, it's not a big deal. It's not a deal
Speaker 3: breaker as all it is. It's not a deal breaker.
Speaker 4: Yeah, But ultimately you have to decide. See, that's the thing.
Speaker 4: I don't think it's a big deal. You have to
Speaker 4: kind of see, like whose needs need to be met more?
Speaker 4: You want to meet both person's needs. But at the
Speaker 4: end of the day, someone may have to bend a
Speaker 4: little more, right, right, Yeah, And we don't know who
Speaker 4: that person is in this situation, but I can see
Speaker 4: either one of them needing to bend and it's not
Speaker 4: the fucking end of the world. If you need to
Speaker 4: unfollow a couple of people to keep your marriage.
Speaker 3: Intact, Yeah, follow them and need to tell.
Speaker 4: Him to look at them in another room and you're
Speaker 4: not aware of them, then fucking deal with it like
Speaker 4: it's something it has to be at some point.
Speaker 3: Okay, Jason, just calm the fuck down. I need to.
Speaker 3: I have to, Okay, obviously, I just we're gonna be
Speaker 3: right back. We're going to take a quick break. We're
Speaker 3: gonna take a quick break and we'll be back. Okay, bye,
Speaker 3: and we're back.
Speaker 2: We're back to wrap up with Jason.
Speaker 1: To wrap up with Jason Biggs. Everybody, what a delight, Jason,
Speaker 1: what a.
Speaker 4: Just primary baited during the break.
Speaker 3: It's called white humor. It's called white privileged humor. You guys. Okay, Jason,
Speaker 3: thank you so much for being here. I love you
Speaker 3: so much, Love you so much.
Speaker 4: Chelse, thank you for having me. Catherine, so great to
Speaker 4: meet you. Likewise, You're the best, Chelse, Love you guys.
Speaker 3: Okay, take care, have a great day Banks. Bye.
Speaker 1: Okay, guys. We have added more shows to my Little
Speaker 1: Big Bitch tour. I added another second show in Toronto,
Speaker 1: so I have two shows in Toronto now to December seventh,
Speaker 1: December eighth, December ninth, I'm in Ottawa and two new shows.
Speaker 1: At December fifteenth, On a Friday, We're doing a seven
Speaker 1: thirty and ten pm show with Kevin Hart and Friends
Speaker 1: that's in Thackerville, Oklahoma.
Speaker 3: And all my other.
Speaker 1: Shows you can buy tickets for at Chelseahandler dot com.
Speaker 1: I'm starting my tour backup on September twenty ninth in
Speaker 1: New York City at The Beacon, which is sold out,
Speaker 1: but the next night there are tickets available September thirtieth
Speaker 1: at the Beacon. So for all fall dates you can
Speaker 1: go to Chelsea handler dot com for tickets and you'll
Speaker 1: see me.
Speaker 2: If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email
Speaker 2: at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and be
Speaker 2: sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited
Speaker 2: and engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine Law and
Speaker 2: be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot
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