1 00:00:00,120 --> 00:00:37,640 Speaker 1: Welcome. You are now listening to the Professional Professional. Hey guys, 2 00:00:37,800 --> 00:00:40,919 Speaker 1: welcome to this week's episode of the PhD podcast. It's 3 00:00:40,960 --> 00:00:44,960 Speaker 1: Your Girl. Even in today's episode is a rewind of 4 00:00:45,080 --> 00:00:47,760 Speaker 1: episode two. I don't even my kidney to my boyfriend, 5 00:00:48,720 --> 00:00:51,559 Speaker 1: so I'm always about being transparent with my professional home 6 00:00:51,600 --> 00:00:54,280 Speaker 1: girls out there. The reason why I picked this episode 7 00:00:54,320 --> 00:00:56,200 Speaker 1: and the reason why I love this episode so much 8 00:00:56,240 --> 00:00:58,240 Speaker 1: because for the past couple of months, I have been 9 00:00:58,320 --> 00:01:02,160 Speaker 1: having my own challenges but keep putting myself first and 10 00:01:02,520 --> 00:01:06,200 Speaker 1: I used the podcast as a source of inspiration and 11 00:01:06,240 --> 00:01:09,040 Speaker 1: one of the stories that I've been listening to over 12 00:01:09,080 --> 00:01:12,480 Speaker 1: and over again is actually this story, episode two, and 13 00:01:13,800 --> 00:01:15,800 Speaker 1: you know, it really just looked my spirits up and 14 00:01:15,800 --> 00:01:19,720 Speaker 1: it really reminded me that no matter what, you always 15 00:01:19,720 --> 00:01:22,160 Speaker 1: have to remember that you that bitch at all times. 16 00:01:22,600 --> 00:01:25,200 Speaker 1: And I think that also my guest story and how 17 00:01:25,280 --> 00:01:28,440 Speaker 1: she realized that the greatest love she can give is 18 00:01:28,440 --> 00:01:31,080 Speaker 1: a love she gave herself. So do you have any 19 00:01:31,160 --> 00:01:33,679 Speaker 1: questions or comments, please email me at Hello at the 20 00:01:33,720 --> 00:01:37,240 Speaker 1: PhD podcast dot com. All the web site is coming soon. 21 00:01:38,640 --> 00:01:40,760 Speaker 1: Make sure you follow me on the Instagram at the 22 00:01:40,760 --> 00:01:44,160 Speaker 1: Professional home Girl, at the PC podcast and last, but 23 00:01:44,280 --> 00:01:47,200 Speaker 1: not least at Evan a beauty. Also, guys, I have 24 00:01:47,280 --> 00:01:50,080 Speaker 1: a Twitter, Please make sure to follow me or tweet 25 00:01:50,120 --> 00:01:55,240 Speaker 1: me on Twitter at the PhD Underscore and email me 26 00:01:55,280 --> 00:01:57,800 Speaker 1: if you'll have any questions concerns. Also, I'm gonna have 27 00:01:57,880 --> 00:02:00,280 Speaker 1: a hotline. It's gonna be really cute. But More tells 28 00:02:00,320 --> 00:02:03,120 Speaker 1: him that later. Um, so please, I hope this episode 29 00:02:03,120 --> 00:02:06,040 Speaker 1: inspire you, guys, and like I'm telling myself, I hope 30 00:02:06,040 --> 00:02:09,280 Speaker 1: this episode reminds you to always put yourself first because 31 00:02:09,280 --> 00:02:11,600 Speaker 1: ain't nobody's gonna hold you down like the way you 32 00:02:11,600 --> 00:02:17,840 Speaker 1: hold yourself down. All right, guys. Later, Hey, guys, welcome 33 00:02:17,840 --> 00:02:21,200 Speaker 1: to this week's episode of the PhD podcast. Um, it's 34 00:02:21,200 --> 00:02:24,160 Speaker 1: your girl, Evane, and I am so excited about this 35 00:02:24,200 --> 00:02:27,160 Speaker 1: week's guests. As you know, all of my guests are anonymous, 36 00:02:27,160 --> 00:02:29,840 Speaker 1: so I don't have the pleasure introducing my guests today. 37 00:02:30,240 --> 00:02:33,000 Speaker 1: So we're gonna jump right into it. So I think 38 00:02:33,040 --> 00:02:35,440 Speaker 1: this topic is something that we all can relate to. 39 00:02:35,639 --> 00:02:37,760 Speaker 1: I remember my first love and how he literally like 40 00:02:37,840 --> 00:02:41,000 Speaker 1: snatched my heart out like a vampire and like been 41 00:02:41,080 --> 00:02:43,960 Speaker 1: into it as I just slowly but surely die. Why 42 00:02:46,080 --> 00:02:49,800 Speaker 1: because the Nike and drove me crazy. And I feel 43 00:02:49,800 --> 00:02:52,280 Speaker 1: like this topic is something or what my guest is 44 00:02:52,280 --> 00:02:54,000 Speaker 1: gonna talk about. I feel like this is something that 45 00:02:54,360 --> 00:02:56,959 Speaker 1: you know a lot of people are going through, but 46 00:02:57,080 --> 00:03:00,320 Speaker 1: they're not talking about it because it's something that people 47 00:03:00,360 --> 00:03:02,200 Speaker 1: just don't talk about because it's like, we do really 48 00:03:02,240 --> 00:03:05,440 Speaker 1: do that for somebody who you love. So we're gonna 49 00:03:05,520 --> 00:03:08,520 Speaker 1: jump into the conversation. So, what made you decided to 50 00:03:08,560 --> 00:03:12,440 Speaker 1: give your boyfriend at the time your kidney. Well, that 51 00:03:12,520 --> 00:03:15,360 Speaker 1: was actually a very good analogy because he reached in 52 00:03:15,520 --> 00:03:20,000 Speaker 1: and snatched out my kidney jumped at It's just a joke. 53 00:03:20,520 --> 00:03:24,320 Speaker 1: We'll go in into it later about like accountability and 54 00:03:24,360 --> 00:03:29,200 Speaker 1: the responsibility that I have for myself and for my body, 55 00:03:29,520 --> 00:03:33,160 Speaker 1: my own self work. But we'll get into that. So 56 00:03:33,480 --> 00:03:39,440 Speaker 1: we were together dating for ten years throughout that time. 57 00:03:39,480 --> 00:03:43,600 Speaker 1: We met when I was about seventeen. Yeah, so it's 58 00:03:43,680 --> 00:03:48,800 Speaker 1: my first love, my first sexual experience, a lot of 59 00:03:48,920 --> 00:03:57,760 Speaker 1: first with him. Um, I was a young girl just 60 00:03:57,920 --> 00:04:00,720 Speaker 1: figuring out myself, figuring out what I want, what I 61 00:04:00,760 --> 00:04:03,800 Speaker 1: don't want, what I like when I don't like. I 62 00:04:03,840 --> 00:04:09,839 Speaker 1: thought he was the most handsome man I've ever seen. 63 00:04:09,840 --> 00:04:13,840 Speaker 1: He was everything to me. He was everything to me, 64 00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:17,719 Speaker 1: like he had everything. He dressed the way I wanted 65 00:04:17,760 --> 00:04:19,960 Speaker 1: to kind to dress. He looked away. I wanted gonna 66 00:04:20,000 --> 00:04:22,800 Speaker 1: look he was everything, And to be honest with you, 67 00:04:22,920 --> 00:04:26,960 Speaker 1: at looking back at it, I realized that I felt 68 00:04:28,920 --> 00:04:32,520 Speaker 1: fortunate to have him, and I didn't. I felt like 69 00:04:32,720 --> 00:04:37,240 Speaker 1: I wasn't uh to his level. So I guess that 70 00:04:37,839 --> 00:04:39,240 Speaker 1: why do you feel like he wasn't to his level? 71 00:04:39,600 --> 00:04:43,840 Speaker 1: You know in my child I grew up where no 72 00:04:43,880 --> 00:04:46,800 Speaker 1: one really told me I was beautiful. Norman he told me. 73 00:04:47,320 --> 00:04:51,839 Speaker 1: You know, my parents, uh them showing love was more 74 00:04:51,920 --> 00:04:55,600 Speaker 1: like I seed you. I called him, you know, which 75 00:04:55,680 --> 00:05:00,520 Speaker 1: was like something affectionate words exact, actually husing chanses and 76 00:05:00,560 --> 00:05:04,239 Speaker 1: stuff like that exactly. And you know, I'm a little 77 00:05:04,240 --> 00:05:06,360 Speaker 1: older than you. So I grew up in the era 78 00:05:06,520 --> 00:05:10,640 Speaker 1: of like listening to Mary J. Blige and Brutane Clan 79 00:05:10,720 --> 00:05:12,760 Speaker 1: and feel like I had to be this down ass 80 00:05:12,839 --> 00:05:14,520 Speaker 1: chick and you have to put up with all this 81 00:05:14,600 --> 00:05:20,680 Speaker 1: stuff nineties love. So you I definitely grew up in 82 00:05:20,680 --> 00:05:23,719 Speaker 1: an airway. It felt like you had to you had 83 00:05:23,760 --> 00:05:26,080 Speaker 1: to ride out, you know, you had to ride through 84 00:05:26,120 --> 00:05:29,080 Speaker 1: the storm. And at the end you'll get that prize 85 00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:31,719 Speaker 1: of him finally wanting, you know, to be with you 86 00:05:31,760 --> 00:05:34,320 Speaker 1: because it's like you've been You've been through the everything 87 00:05:34,360 --> 00:05:37,679 Speaker 1: with me. You know, it's all crazy because I feel 88 00:05:37,720 --> 00:05:40,880 Speaker 1: like I feel like people feel like that's how you 89 00:05:40,880 --> 00:05:42,839 Speaker 1: have to prove your love to people. Yes, but it's like, 90 00:05:42,880 --> 00:05:44,400 Speaker 1: why don't we have to get to that point. I 91 00:05:44,480 --> 00:05:46,400 Speaker 1: mean showing you how much I care for you, but 92 00:05:46,560 --> 00:05:49,000 Speaker 1: doing things that I necessarily, like I said, I don't 93 00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:50,360 Speaker 1: want to do, but I'm not sure if I want 94 00:05:50,400 --> 00:05:53,440 Speaker 1: to do it, like I'm questioning it. Like it was 95 00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:57,400 Speaker 1: definitely and it was definitely maybe it's a generational thing, 96 00:05:57,520 --> 00:06:01,719 Speaker 1: but definitely the nineties, like that's the music was saying that, 97 00:06:01,720 --> 00:06:05,120 Speaker 1: that's the images you saw. Definitely felt like he had 98 00:06:05,200 --> 00:06:08,159 Speaker 1: to stick it, stick it out, you know, with someone, 99 00:06:08,400 --> 00:06:11,799 Speaker 1: and it was more like the whole course of our relationship, 100 00:06:11,839 --> 00:06:17,119 Speaker 1: I was trying to prove that I was. Yeah, So 101 00:06:17,440 --> 00:06:21,000 Speaker 1: what came what was like the the events that led 102 00:06:21,080 --> 00:06:24,840 Speaker 1: up to him me and a kidney So he was 103 00:06:24,880 --> 00:06:28,920 Speaker 1: diagnosed with I think it was type two diabetes when 104 00:06:28,960 --> 00:06:32,120 Speaker 1: he was about fourteen. He had gotten really really sick 105 00:06:32,160 --> 00:06:34,920 Speaker 1: and spent spent about almost a year in the hospital, 106 00:06:35,320 --> 00:06:38,400 Speaker 1: Like back and forth and everything like that. So by 107 00:06:38,440 --> 00:06:40,040 Speaker 1: the time I met him, he pretty much had it 108 00:06:40,120 --> 00:06:45,880 Speaker 1: under control. However, through over the years he started drinking 109 00:06:45,920 --> 00:06:49,040 Speaker 1: more and just you know, being a young man, like 110 00:06:49,240 --> 00:06:53,640 Speaker 1: just not taking care of himself exactly. So as he 111 00:06:53,720 --> 00:06:56,240 Speaker 1: got older, he just kept doing it, doing it. And 112 00:06:56,240 --> 00:07:00,200 Speaker 1: then one day his friend showed up at my house 113 00:07:01,120 --> 00:07:03,400 Speaker 1: and told me that he was in a hospital. And 114 00:07:03,480 --> 00:07:05,680 Speaker 1: when I went to visit him. The funny part is 115 00:07:06,600 --> 00:07:10,560 Speaker 1: when I went to visit him, there was another girl there. Child. Yes, 116 00:07:10,920 --> 00:07:15,800 Speaker 1: I'm telling can be on his death bed. So now 117 00:07:16,080 --> 00:07:19,160 Speaker 1: let me just make this clear and be completely transparent. 118 00:07:19,400 --> 00:07:22,320 Speaker 1: The ten years. It wasn't like he was faithful to 119 00:07:22,480 --> 00:07:24,960 Speaker 1: the ten years, so that should have been my clue, 120 00:07:25,480 --> 00:07:27,920 Speaker 1: you know. But I just always thought that, you know, 121 00:07:27,960 --> 00:07:30,520 Speaker 1: if I stick this through and I forgive over and 122 00:07:30,560 --> 00:07:34,960 Speaker 1: over again, that eventually, you know, I didn't work out. 123 00:07:34,960 --> 00:07:38,240 Speaker 1: And I always had this silly, silly vision in my 124 00:07:38,320 --> 00:07:40,680 Speaker 1: head that, you know, my first was gonna be like 125 00:07:40,760 --> 00:07:44,640 Speaker 1: you know, that everlasting love. I got the same thing 126 00:07:44,760 --> 00:07:47,600 Speaker 1: about my first. I thought my first is gonna be 127 00:07:48,920 --> 00:07:51,800 Speaker 1: thing Like I thought we was gonna move to New York, 128 00:07:51,840 --> 00:07:53,840 Speaker 1: which I did on my own. I thought that we 129 00:07:53,840 --> 00:07:55,800 Speaker 1: was gonna have a family, which he already started on 130 00:07:55,960 --> 00:07:57,640 Speaker 1: his own. Like I thought we were just going to 131 00:07:57,760 --> 00:08:00,000 Speaker 1: be like so perfect. It's so funny what you think 132 00:08:00,160 --> 00:08:02,840 Speaker 1: things are gonna be versus what the reality has became. 133 00:08:03,520 --> 00:08:07,720 Speaker 1: And it's all just for me. I didn't really grow 134 00:08:07,760 --> 00:08:11,320 Speaker 1: up with an example of what love looks like. I 135 00:08:11,360 --> 00:08:13,880 Speaker 1: didn't grow up with women being honest and saying, hey, 136 00:08:14,360 --> 00:08:18,640 Speaker 1: enjoy your twenties, no date, have a good time, build 137 00:08:18,680 --> 00:08:21,640 Speaker 1: that self worth within yourself, establish yourself as a woman 138 00:08:22,080 --> 00:08:26,320 Speaker 1: before you uh try to make those connections. Like I 139 00:08:26,400 --> 00:08:29,240 Speaker 1: really just didn't grow up with that. Everything that I 140 00:08:29,440 --> 00:08:33,599 Speaker 1: formulated was from TV music and that's what they was 141 00:08:33,640 --> 00:08:36,120 Speaker 1: putting out there for training that you had to do this, 142 00:08:36,200 --> 00:08:37,920 Speaker 1: you gotta do that to keep a man, all this 143 00:08:38,040 --> 00:08:40,240 Speaker 1: other stuff. So if that's all you see and know, 144 00:08:40,360 --> 00:08:42,040 Speaker 1: and nobody even really teaching me the things that you 145 00:08:42,080 --> 00:08:44,400 Speaker 1: should have been taught about, you know, like you said, 146 00:08:45,040 --> 00:08:49,600 Speaker 1: of course you're gonna go left state going right exactly exactly. 147 00:08:49,600 --> 00:08:51,400 Speaker 1: And you know, when I was growing out like the 148 00:08:51,440 --> 00:08:54,120 Speaker 1: worst thing, you know. Now I look at things and 149 00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:57,920 Speaker 1: women are, especially young women are, so I feel more 150 00:08:58,000 --> 00:09:01,160 Speaker 1: comfortable with their sexuality more. I'm proposed to say no, 151 00:09:01,360 --> 00:09:04,000 Speaker 1: I'm not accepting this type of behavior. I'm not accepting that. 152 00:09:04,600 --> 00:09:06,360 Speaker 1: And I just feel and I keep talking about it 153 00:09:06,400 --> 00:09:08,280 Speaker 1: back then like it was a hundred years ago. It 154 00:09:08,280 --> 00:09:11,520 Speaker 1: really wasn't that long ago. But there was definitely this pressure. 155 00:09:12,240 --> 00:09:14,120 Speaker 1: And I don't know if it was just in our 156 00:09:14,120 --> 00:09:17,560 Speaker 1: communities or just all over with it. This is pressure 157 00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:22,120 Speaker 1: to to be like, you know, this rough rider down 158 00:09:22,200 --> 00:09:26,239 Speaker 1: and it was just it was just that's what it was. Yeah. 159 00:09:26,360 --> 00:09:30,719 Speaker 1: So when he asked you, like, did you initially want 160 00:09:30,800 --> 00:09:34,559 Speaker 1: to say no to donate it? You know, he didn't, 161 00:09:34,600 --> 00:09:41,040 Speaker 1: he didn't even ask. Yeah, I volunteered, And again, hindsight 162 00:09:41,160 --> 00:09:45,920 Speaker 1: is looking back on it, it was just like I 163 00:09:46,080 --> 00:09:48,560 Speaker 1: realized that, yes, there was a part of me that 164 00:09:48,760 --> 00:09:51,600 Speaker 1: wanted to do it because I felt that it was 165 00:09:51,640 --> 00:09:54,400 Speaker 1: the right thing to do. I felt like I cared 166 00:09:54,400 --> 00:09:58,840 Speaker 1: for him and it was just beautiful, you know, yeah, 167 00:09:59,000 --> 00:10:02,720 Speaker 1: just beautiful experience we're going to share. But then looking 168 00:10:02,760 --> 00:10:06,400 Speaker 1: back now, there was a small part of me that 169 00:10:06,880 --> 00:10:11,240 Speaker 1: was trying to prove something to him, to everyone, and 170 00:10:11,320 --> 00:10:19,480 Speaker 1: you know, you know, because I know somebody was my 171 00:10:20,160 --> 00:10:25,520 Speaker 1: mom said no, did not want me to do it. Um, 172 00:10:25,720 --> 00:10:30,800 Speaker 1: we went, uh, my mom and I went to have 173 00:10:30,960 --> 00:10:35,480 Speaker 1: dinner with him and his dad, and my mom asked 174 00:10:35,480 --> 00:10:38,760 Speaker 1: the hard questions that I was too afraid to ask, 175 00:10:38,960 --> 00:10:40,800 Speaker 1: and at the time I was upset with her for 176 00:10:40,880 --> 00:10:45,040 Speaker 1: doing that. Yeah, she asked him flat out, what are 177 00:10:45,080 --> 00:10:48,080 Speaker 1: your intentions with my daughter? My daughter is doing this 178 00:10:48,160 --> 00:10:51,120 Speaker 1: for you? Where is this going? Where in this relationship going? 179 00:10:51,800 --> 00:10:55,880 Speaker 1: And he pretty much told her, well, like, we'll see 180 00:10:55,880 --> 00:10:59,520 Speaker 1: where it goes. And when we left that dinner, my 181 00:10:59,520 --> 00:11:02,120 Speaker 1: mother to be inside and said, he will never marry you, 182 00:11:02,480 --> 00:11:06,240 Speaker 1: he will never commit to you. Please don't do this. 183 00:11:07,280 --> 00:11:10,720 Speaker 1: And what did you do? What I mean, what didn't 184 00:11:10,720 --> 00:11:12,920 Speaker 1: make you feel? Because I can only imagine you being 185 00:11:12,920 --> 00:11:15,800 Speaker 1: in your what he was in your late almost twenty 186 00:11:15,880 --> 00:11:19,719 Speaker 1: early twenties. Yeah, I can only imagine being because I 187 00:11:19,720 --> 00:11:21,079 Speaker 1: mean I was in my men Trantes. I used to 188 00:11:21,080 --> 00:11:23,000 Speaker 1: be like, well, I know what's best for me that 189 00:11:23,520 --> 00:11:25,200 Speaker 1: And then you have something like your mother coming to 190 00:11:25,240 --> 00:11:27,080 Speaker 1: you and telling you these things, because of course she 191 00:11:27,160 --> 00:11:29,559 Speaker 1: knows what's to come, because she did not that role. 192 00:11:29,720 --> 00:11:32,640 Speaker 1: She knows life more than you do. But you just 193 00:11:32,720 --> 00:11:36,440 Speaker 1: be so like I'm not listening, Like even if my 194 00:11:36,480 --> 00:11:38,720 Speaker 1: life is depending on like I have to prove my point, 195 00:11:38,800 --> 00:11:40,920 Speaker 1: or at least try to. Yeah, that's exactly what I 196 00:11:40,960 --> 00:11:44,400 Speaker 1: was thinking. You don't know what you're talking about. And 197 00:11:44,920 --> 00:11:47,400 Speaker 1: you know, I was more upset with her that she 198 00:11:48,520 --> 00:11:51,640 Speaker 1: asked the question and put him on the spot to 199 00:11:51,720 --> 00:11:55,120 Speaker 1: be honest about it, then being upset about hearing the truth. 200 00:11:55,400 --> 00:11:57,520 Speaker 1: But even when he was saying what he said, then 201 00:11:57,520 --> 00:12:00,320 Speaker 1: it makes me feel away. I don't know, don't know 202 00:12:00,360 --> 00:12:03,240 Speaker 1: why he didn't register. It was just like he he 203 00:12:03,360 --> 00:12:07,679 Speaker 1: he don't know, he he don't know what I know. 204 00:12:09,559 --> 00:12:12,960 Speaker 1: Even his dad was like, you're wrong, like you need 205 00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:16,880 Speaker 1: to she's doing all of this for you, or his 206 00:12:17,040 --> 00:12:19,640 Speaker 1: dad was like, you should not accept it if you 207 00:12:19,800 --> 00:12:23,240 Speaker 1: know she's not the one, Like you're not going to 208 00:12:23,320 --> 00:12:26,920 Speaker 1: marry her, because for her to do something like that 209 00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:30,560 Speaker 1: for you shows like the ultimate love and you're not 210 00:12:30,720 --> 00:12:35,199 Speaker 1: ready to reciprocate that, so you shouldn't accept it. Yeah, 211 00:12:35,320 --> 00:12:39,160 Speaker 1: So even if dad was like, you shouldn't, you shouldn't 212 00:12:39,200 --> 00:12:44,280 Speaker 1: do this. So how long after that they with the 213 00:12:44,320 --> 00:12:49,480 Speaker 1: four y'all? When was the surgery? The surgery was maybe 214 00:12:49,880 --> 00:12:53,000 Speaker 1: about two months after that. So leading to the surgery, 215 00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:57,439 Speaker 1: how relationship in between him it was actually really good. 216 00:12:57,960 --> 00:13:03,400 Speaker 1: We spent a lot of time together. Uh, and probably 217 00:13:03,559 --> 00:13:07,040 Speaker 1: for the first time in our whole relationship. He was faithful, 218 00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:10,679 Speaker 1: I think, like the faith forever. But do you think 219 00:13:10,679 --> 00:13:18,360 Speaker 1: he was that girl? Sometimes men only is faith options, right, 220 00:13:18,679 --> 00:13:21,360 Speaker 1: I think because he couldn't be as mobile as he 221 00:13:22,559 --> 00:13:27,680 Speaker 1: because of the situation Nigga's it's crazy. So fast forward 222 00:13:27,679 --> 00:13:31,439 Speaker 1: to the day before the surgery. What were your thoughts, like, 223 00:13:31,440 --> 00:13:33,640 Speaker 1: how are you feeling? Like, would you really like y'all 224 00:13:33,640 --> 00:13:36,000 Speaker 1: about to really go through this? Like was there any signs? Like, 225 00:13:36,600 --> 00:13:40,800 Speaker 1: I mean, I know, ready, you know what, I'll tell 226 00:13:40,840 --> 00:13:42,640 Speaker 1: you this because you never know. I feel like this 227 00:13:42,720 --> 00:13:44,840 Speaker 1: story is going because you know what it is when 228 00:13:44,880 --> 00:13:47,640 Speaker 1: you go through ship and you beat like in your 229 00:13:47,640 --> 00:13:50,480 Speaker 1: backup is against the wall, and sometimes you'd be like damn, 230 00:13:50,559 --> 00:13:52,360 Speaker 1: I wonder if anybody who's going through she like, why 231 00:13:52,400 --> 00:13:54,960 Speaker 1: is this happening to me? So it's like, why am 232 00:13:54,960 --> 00:13:57,600 Speaker 1: I'm in this predicting it? Like why me? So it's 233 00:13:57,679 --> 00:13:59,199 Speaker 1: one of the reasons why I wanted to do this 234 00:13:59,240 --> 00:14:02,040 Speaker 1: podcast because I want to encourage other listeners like, Yo, 235 00:14:02,080 --> 00:14:03,880 Speaker 1: You're not the only person to go through ship like. 236 00:14:04,160 --> 00:14:06,640 Speaker 1: People go through your every day ship like and it 237 00:14:06,760 --> 00:14:10,560 Speaker 1: may not be as dramatic as donating, but it can 238 00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:15,199 Speaker 1: be as hurtful, you know, it could still be pain exactly, 239 00:14:15,360 --> 00:14:17,560 Speaker 1: and it doesn't have to be like the physical act 240 00:14:17,559 --> 00:14:19,720 Speaker 1: of donating. But you could be giving too much time 241 00:14:20,440 --> 00:14:23,840 Speaker 1: to someone, You could be giving too much energy to someone. 242 00:14:24,400 --> 00:14:27,120 Speaker 1: You can be giving too much money to be a 243 00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:29,880 Speaker 1: financial burden, you know, because some of these men are 244 00:14:29,960 --> 00:14:34,320 Speaker 1: financial burdens. So sometimes it's like it's gonna take the 245 00:14:34,560 --> 00:14:37,800 Speaker 1: hardship on your exactly. And for me it was this, 246 00:14:38,560 --> 00:14:42,360 Speaker 1: But to be honest with you, there was other, uh 247 00:14:43,560 --> 00:14:47,760 Speaker 1: other there were other hurts in that relationship that I 248 00:14:47,800 --> 00:14:50,560 Speaker 1: had ignored to get me to this point, because I 249 00:14:50,600 --> 00:14:54,840 Speaker 1: do believe that, uh if you, God keeps showing you 250 00:14:54,920 --> 00:14:58,360 Speaker 1: signs until you get it. And I had gotten so 251 00:14:58,400 --> 00:15:02,000 Speaker 1: many signs, and I ignored that my own youthfulness, my 252 00:15:02,040 --> 00:15:05,600 Speaker 1: own ignorance. Some some of them I chose to ignore, 253 00:15:05,960 --> 00:15:08,360 Speaker 1: and I just kept ignoring it. You're not like a 254 00:15:08,440 --> 00:15:14,440 Speaker 1: dumb person, like, yeah, that's the worst. It's like, I 255 00:15:14,520 --> 00:15:17,680 Speaker 1: have a relationship with our guests and she's not dumb, 256 00:15:17,760 --> 00:15:20,880 Speaker 1: so but at my time, you nobody's really dumb. In 257 00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:23,160 Speaker 1: certain situations, I feel like the good things happened to 258 00:15:23,160 --> 00:15:25,640 Speaker 1: the dumb people. I mean, to think about it, there's 259 00:15:25,680 --> 00:15:28,680 Speaker 1: some women that are in situations where they're being abused 260 00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:32,920 Speaker 1: and they're smart women, they're capable of women, and for 261 00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:35,560 Speaker 1: some reason they can't let go. And that was for me, 262 00:15:35,800 --> 00:15:38,160 Speaker 1: like I just could not let go and it took. 263 00:15:39,640 --> 00:15:43,480 Speaker 1: Now I'm actually thankful for it because that's what it 264 00:15:43,520 --> 00:15:45,720 Speaker 1: took to get me out of that toxic relationship. It 265 00:15:45,840 --> 00:15:50,960 Speaker 1: was a boat. It was not it was not where 266 00:15:51,000 --> 00:15:53,200 Speaker 1: I needed to be, and it was not for me. 267 00:15:53,960 --> 00:15:57,640 Speaker 1: And instead of I was trying to make him into 268 00:15:57,720 --> 00:16:00,680 Speaker 1: something that would for me, and he isn't. He never was. 269 00:16:01,520 --> 00:16:04,560 Speaker 1: So I'm okay with it now. So I wish I 270 00:16:04,560 --> 00:16:07,200 Speaker 1: didn't have to lose my kidney to learn that. If 271 00:16:07,320 --> 00:16:08,920 Speaker 1: A were you talking about the lessons you learned, I'm 272 00:16:08,920 --> 00:16:11,320 Speaker 1: pretty sure there's so many lessons you learned about yourself, 273 00:16:11,680 --> 00:16:15,360 Speaker 1: about what you wanted, the man um so the day 274 00:16:15,400 --> 00:16:20,120 Speaker 1: of surgery, what happened. So the data surgery, I go 275 00:16:20,200 --> 00:16:22,760 Speaker 1: in and before that, for months, they're testing you to 276 00:16:22,800 --> 00:16:26,600 Speaker 1: tief you're compatible. You're giving you like a full I 277 00:16:26,840 --> 00:16:30,000 Speaker 1: felt a full physical to make sure you're healthy enough 278 00:16:30,040 --> 00:16:33,720 Speaker 1: for it. Wait, nobody in his family wasn't at girl. Okay, 279 00:16:33,720 --> 00:16:39,239 Speaker 1: he had them too simply and either one of them 280 00:16:39,560 --> 00:16:46,200 Speaker 1: offer because they exactly that should have been like hell, yeah, 281 00:16:47,240 --> 00:16:48,960 Speaker 1: so if you want, if you want to, Navi gave 282 00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:51,400 Speaker 1: him the kidney. I don't know if one of them 283 00:16:51,400 --> 00:16:54,400 Speaker 1: would would have stepped up after, you know, if there 284 00:16:54,440 --> 00:16:57,640 Speaker 1: was no one else. I'm not sure. Okay, so day 285 00:16:57,920 --> 00:17:00,280 Speaker 1: we could test everything was still going good that she 286 00:17:00,440 --> 00:17:03,400 Speaker 1: was like peach because Nigga want to kidney. Yes, I'll 287 00:17:03,440 --> 00:17:06,879 Speaker 1: never forget. So they separate us right, and I have 288 00:17:06,960 --> 00:17:09,119 Speaker 1: to say the hospital, they do a great job of 289 00:17:09,200 --> 00:17:12,280 Speaker 1: giving you opportunities to back out of it. So all 290 00:17:12,359 --> 00:17:14,520 Speaker 1: through the process they keep saying, are you sure you 291 00:17:14,520 --> 00:17:17,640 Speaker 1: want to do this? We could tell him anything. If 292 00:17:17,640 --> 00:17:19,520 Speaker 1: you don't want to do this and you don't want 293 00:17:19,520 --> 00:17:22,080 Speaker 1: to ruin you know, the relationship, We'll just tell him 294 00:17:22,080 --> 00:17:24,200 Speaker 1: you're not compatible. We'll just tell them, you know that, 295 00:17:24,320 --> 00:17:27,399 Speaker 1: They'll they'll give you an out. They like you do 296 00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:29,240 Speaker 1: that with God with like girl, I'm giving you one 297 00:17:29,280 --> 00:17:34,639 Speaker 1: more last. Yeah. So I remember I was being prepped 298 00:17:34,640 --> 00:17:38,920 Speaker 1: for the surgery. Yeah I was. I was really really nervous, 299 00:17:38,960 --> 00:17:40,320 Speaker 1: but I kind of want to just get it over 300 00:17:40,359 --> 00:17:46,919 Speaker 1: with my mom. She was pissed the whole time. She 301 00:17:47,040 --> 00:17:57,760 Speaker 1: was just like she was just looking like, first of all, 302 00:17:57,760 --> 00:18:00,359 Speaker 1: you're about to go into you about to have a dream, 303 00:18:00,359 --> 00:18:02,480 Speaker 1: and you're scared, but your mom is see your left, 304 00:18:02,520 --> 00:18:05,199 Speaker 1: like I don't know why, why are you doing this? 305 00:18:06,160 --> 00:18:07,840 Speaker 1: It's like she was hoping for the best, but she 306 00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:14,560 Speaker 1: knew he was She knew he was there anyway. She 307 00:18:14,680 --> 00:18:18,280 Speaker 1: was like, well she gotta learn, so what a hard 308 00:18:18,320 --> 00:18:21,600 Speaker 1: way to so I never forget out their perfect ustra 309 00:18:21,680 --> 00:18:26,200 Speaker 1: surgery and they separated us and this, uh, this nurse, 310 00:18:26,359 --> 00:18:30,520 Speaker 1: this black nurse was preparing me. I know she had 311 00:18:30,520 --> 00:18:33,959 Speaker 1: to hold the day her last. While she was preparing me, 312 00:18:34,480 --> 00:18:37,280 Speaker 1: she was asking questions like, so, who are you dotting to? 313 00:18:37,520 --> 00:18:39,399 Speaker 1: Like I guess she thought it was like a family member, 314 00:18:39,440 --> 00:18:45,040 Speaker 1: And I explained her and she goes, boyfriend, Hey, girl, 315 00:18:45,240 --> 00:18:50,479 Speaker 1: I wouldn't She said that black women are crazy, and 316 00:18:50,720 --> 00:18:53,679 Speaker 1: I really felt like that was a signful God like, girl, 317 00:18:54,040 --> 00:18:56,840 Speaker 1: you know what that's like. You gotta appreciate a black 318 00:18:56,920 --> 00:18:59,760 Speaker 1: woman man because you know that isn't she right? And 319 00:18:59,800 --> 00:19:01,920 Speaker 1: he didn't put a ring on your finger? Girl, wouldn't 320 00:19:01,920 --> 00:19:06,439 Speaker 1: be me? Like she was just going off, you know, 321 00:19:06,480 --> 00:19:08,240 Speaker 1: what's funny in my own ignorance. I don't know if 322 00:19:08,840 --> 00:19:11,760 Speaker 1: she's so mean, she just don't know. I'm telling the 323 00:19:11,800 --> 00:19:18,520 Speaker 1: most of ages when this is done. I really think 324 00:19:18,600 --> 00:19:21,719 Speaker 1: she was put there to give me that final And 325 00:19:21,800 --> 00:19:25,280 Speaker 1: then God, I was having like girl and I was walking, 326 00:19:25,560 --> 00:19:30,119 Speaker 1: so they called me in and I'm walking to Yeah. 327 00:19:30,440 --> 00:19:33,399 Speaker 1: I can't believe she said that too. She's very blunt 328 00:19:33,440 --> 00:19:37,159 Speaker 1: and said like you're out of your mind. So she 329 00:19:37,400 --> 00:19:39,480 Speaker 1: lost her job. Yeah, she was just like, I guess 330 00:19:39,480 --> 00:19:47,560 Speaker 1: it's nice. I mean, I guess it's not for these 331 00:19:47,600 --> 00:19:54,800 Speaker 1: things girls. Hey guys. The PHG podcast is sponsored by 332 00:19:55,200 --> 00:19:57,679 Speaker 1: A Beauty and A Beauty as a beauty company that 333 00:19:57,760 --> 00:20:00,439 Speaker 1: I found it and our very first product is all 334 00:20:00,480 --> 00:20:02,399 Speaker 1: right Beautiful and make lashes that you can wear up 335 00:20:02,440 --> 00:20:05,119 Speaker 1: to twenty five times, yes, twenty five times with the 336 00:20:05,160 --> 00:20:09,080 Speaker 1: proper care um. For more information, visit E b O 337 00:20:09,359 --> 00:20:12,480 Speaker 1: and e beauty dot com. Use cold PhD tend to 338 00:20:12,520 --> 00:20:15,240 Speaker 1: receive some coins off at checkout, and trust me, all 339 00:20:15,280 --> 00:20:18,240 Speaker 1: these lashes are really beautiful, like I have been receiving 340 00:20:18,320 --> 00:20:20,800 Speaker 1: nothing but really good reviews on them. So make sure 341 00:20:20,800 --> 00:20:23,119 Speaker 1: you go to the website and A Beauty used the 342 00:20:23,160 --> 00:20:26,560 Speaker 1: code and let's get back to this week's episode. So 343 00:20:26,760 --> 00:20:28,800 Speaker 1: after she said, the nurse says, to you, so, what 344 00:20:28,960 --> 00:20:30,800 Speaker 1: was your like when you walk in and you got 345 00:20:30,800 --> 00:20:33,399 Speaker 1: to prepare to go on the surgery? Like? What was 346 00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:36,960 Speaker 1: it like? The last couple of thoughts, so the lass like, 347 00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:40,040 Speaker 1: do I really want to do this? What if I die? 348 00:20:40,880 --> 00:20:45,960 Speaker 1: What if I end up like somehow the effects of it? 349 00:20:46,160 --> 00:20:48,399 Speaker 1: Like it is sexy be in the long run? Yeah, 350 00:20:48,680 --> 00:20:55,720 Speaker 1: what do they make a mistake? I remember walking down 351 00:20:55,760 --> 00:20:59,520 Speaker 1: the hallway there was one of the hospital employees was 352 00:20:59,600 --> 00:21:02,640 Speaker 1: walking to there, and when we get to the room, 353 00:21:02,760 --> 00:21:06,199 Speaker 1: he turns around and says, what's your name? I tell 354 00:21:06,280 --> 00:21:08,240 Speaker 1: him my name? He go, do you know why you're here? 355 00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:12,080 Speaker 1: That's say, it's all to check if you're a sound mind. Yeah, 356 00:21:12,320 --> 00:21:15,080 Speaker 1: because some people are be losing it exactly get lost in. 357 00:21:15,880 --> 00:21:19,960 Speaker 1: He goes, this is your final chance. You can back out. Now. 358 00:21:20,480 --> 00:21:25,520 Speaker 1: He will never know, the recipient will never know why. 359 00:21:25,920 --> 00:21:29,119 Speaker 1: You know, we'll just tell them that something happened. But 360 00:21:29,160 --> 00:21:32,119 Speaker 1: you had to prove that point. I was determined. I 361 00:21:32,119 --> 00:21:35,520 Speaker 1: wish I disdetermined about other things, but I wanted determined 362 00:21:35,600 --> 00:21:39,800 Speaker 1: to do this. So I went in there. I laid 363 00:21:39,840 --> 00:21:44,800 Speaker 1: down and they started, Uh, they started with the NCT 364 00:21:44,920 --> 00:21:49,600 Speaker 1: geologists and he said, count back from ten, and I 365 00:21:49,600 --> 00:21:52,760 Speaker 1: don't even think I made it to eight. It was 366 00:21:52,800 --> 00:21:57,040 Speaker 1: just so when you woke up, the first thing that 367 00:21:57,240 --> 00:21:59,760 Speaker 1: you saw, first thing, I mean, before you even went 368 00:21:59,800 --> 00:22:02,080 Speaker 1: to the day, you see him or he was already 369 00:22:02,280 --> 00:22:04,600 Speaker 1: he was already somewhere else being prepped. So we got 370 00:22:04,600 --> 00:22:07,440 Speaker 1: to hospital together, and then he was already somewhere else 371 00:22:07,480 --> 00:22:10,240 Speaker 1: being prepper. So after the surgeon you woke up, what happened? 372 00:22:10,800 --> 00:22:14,960 Speaker 1: I woke up and I remember just being out of it, 373 00:22:15,760 --> 00:22:17,439 Speaker 1: and I remember thinking I had my period, but I 374 00:22:17,440 --> 00:22:19,760 Speaker 1: didn't able a cafitter. I was just all over the place, 375 00:22:20,520 --> 00:22:25,160 Speaker 1: and I kept asking for my mother. When she came 376 00:22:25,200 --> 00:22:28,119 Speaker 1: close to me, I kept telling her be careful because 377 00:22:28,160 --> 00:22:31,000 Speaker 1: these people are stealing. I was really really out of it. 378 00:22:32,760 --> 00:22:36,840 Speaker 1: And wow, I remember when it was time for them 379 00:22:36,840 --> 00:22:41,159 Speaker 1: to take me to my um the hotel room, the 380 00:22:41,200 --> 00:22:44,239 Speaker 1: hospital room, I saw him because he was in the 381 00:22:44,240 --> 00:22:46,800 Speaker 1: same do they call it triang wouldn't come out of 382 00:22:47,400 --> 00:22:53,560 Speaker 1: if you're a nurse or a DOOCT listening is So 383 00:22:53,640 --> 00:22:57,359 Speaker 1: when I was leaving, he was already there. So so 384 00:22:57,400 --> 00:23:00,120 Speaker 1: he already got the kid name by this point. Yeah, 385 00:23:01,960 --> 00:23:04,600 Speaker 1: And we made eye contact and I lift my hand 386 00:23:04,600 --> 00:23:08,399 Speaker 1: out to like say hi to him and smile, and 387 00:23:08,480 --> 00:23:13,400 Speaker 1: he didn't. He didn't respond, what are you? He didn't respond? 388 00:23:15,880 --> 00:23:20,160 Speaker 1: Right then I realized I made him with Say, damn, 389 00:23:20,440 --> 00:23:24,200 Speaker 1: isn't that crazy? Yo? Niggas? Ain't ship yo, but holes 390 00:23:24,200 --> 00:23:28,119 Speaker 1: and tricks, mocking tricks. You didn't even tell me. I 391 00:23:28,160 --> 00:23:32,400 Speaker 1: gave you my mother fucking you couldn't wait? You can wait? 392 00:23:33,400 --> 00:23:41,719 Speaker 1: That was too much, yo, niggas. I got upstairs. That's why, 393 00:23:41,960 --> 00:23:47,119 Speaker 1: just snap? Could you imagine? So I got upstairs and 394 00:23:47,280 --> 00:23:50,200 Speaker 1: my family came to visit me. That mustn't really like hurt. 395 00:23:50,280 --> 00:23:52,720 Speaker 1: It didn't hurt, but I kind of just put it 396 00:23:52,760 --> 00:23:56,639 Speaker 1: to the side, like it was like ding, like the 397 00:23:56,720 --> 00:24:02,199 Speaker 1: signal went off in my head. God upstairs. Uh, everything 398 00:24:02,240 --> 00:24:04,800 Speaker 1: was fine. My dad came to visit me, and my 399 00:24:04,880 --> 00:24:08,320 Speaker 1: dad refused to talk to him. So everybody saw it. 400 00:24:08,440 --> 00:24:12,840 Speaker 1: With you, why do you think he had? You think 401 00:24:12,880 --> 00:24:15,440 Speaker 1: he had some type of you know, maybe he's saying 402 00:24:15,440 --> 00:24:18,040 Speaker 1: that he'd be like a hole on you or spell 403 00:24:18,160 --> 00:24:20,760 Speaker 1: on you, Like what do you think he had on you? Like? 404 00:24:23,000 --> 00:24:25,879 Speaker 1: I don't know, I really don't know. It's not like 405 00:24:25,920 --> 00:24:28,600 Speaker 1: he was a great person or did any life to 406 00:24:28,680 --> 00:24:33,520 Speaker 1: deserve that. I tend to look at it like it 407 00:24:33,680 --> 00:24:36,840 Speaker 1: was what I put on him as far as my expectations, 408 00:24:37,359 --> 00:24:40,480 Speaker 1: my boy, Funny I am. It's like I almost imagine 409 00:24:40,480 --> 00:24:43,000 Speaker 1: how I wanted him to be or how I wanted 410 00:24:43,040 --> 00:24:46,480 Speaker 1: him to treat me, and was like hoping and wishing 411 00:24:46,520 --> 00:24:48,560 Speaker 1: he would live up to that. And I know that 412 00:24:48,640 --> 00:24:52,359 Speaker 1: sounds so desperate, but because I think that one of 413 00:24:52,480 --> 00:24:55,280 Speaker 1: the first love and I also think that, like because 414 00:24:55,280 --> 00:24:57,679 Speaker 1: I didn't come from besides my grandmother, I didn't come 415 00:24:57,680 --> 00:25:01,199 Speaker 1: from a father and a mother house. So it's just 416 00:25:01,240 --> 00:25:04,080 Speaker 1: like when you yearning for something and you go outside 417 00:25:04,080 --> 00:25:05,760 Speaker 1: and look for it, and then you find somebody to 418 00:25:05,800 --> 00:25:08,360 Speaker 1: give you attention and you think that that's what love 419 00:25:08,520 --> 00:25:11,240 Speaker 1: is because they've paint you some mind, when it's completely 420 00:25:11,240 --> 00:25:14,480 Speaker 1: the complete opposite. It's kind of similar to what you 421 00:25:14,520 --> 00:25:18,040 Speaker 1: went through at home, but just at a different capacity. Yeah, 422 00:25:18,040 --> 00:25:22,760 Speaker 1: because he was definitely like a high frequency, like really 423 00:25:22,840 --> 00:25:28,560 Speaker 1: really like they gave you just enough to keep me going, 424 00:25:28,800 --> 00:25:32,840 Speaker 1: but just enough to try harder. Like man he was. 425 00:25:34,560 --> 00:25:38,960 Speaker 1: He was. He really played my games and I was, 426 00:25:39,680 --> 00:25:43,200 Speaker 1: you know, play a number one. So after the surgery, 427 00:25:44,040 --> 00:25:49,000 Speaker 1: y'all both get well, Yeah, what happened? So I started 428 00:25:49,000 --> 00:25:51,200 Speaker 1: to notice it was maybe like a month after the surgery, 429 00:25:51,680 --> 00:25:54,480 Speaker 1: we would spend maybe at least three or four days 430 00:25:54,480 --> 00:25:57,480 Speaker 1: a week together. You know. I started to notice he 431 00:25:57,520 --> 00:26:00,960 Speaker 1: wasn't coming over as often. I started to noticed he 432 00:26:01,080 --> 00:26:05,240 Speaker 1: wasn't as easy to reach on his phone. He that 433 00:26:05,440 --> 00:26:09,320 Speaker 1: must have I cadn't even imagine, like I wouldn't been 434 00:26:09,400 --> 00:26:12,800 Speaker 1: going crazy, nigger? You free right now? Your dad asked? 435 00:26:13,160 --> 00:26:16,080 Speaker 1: He started going back to work, and I knew, like, okay, 436 00:26:16,160 --> 00:26:18,119 Speaker 1: you wouldn't have as much time with me, But it 437 00:26:18,320 --> 00:26:21,960 Speaker 1: was like like that was the ultimate way to prove 438 00:26:22,080 --> 00:26:25,159 Speaker 1: my love and loyalty to you. It's it almost went 439 00:26:25,240 --> 00:26:27,440 Speaker 1: to like a week or two and go by them 440 00:26:27,480 --> 00:26:33,680 Speaker 1: like nothing nothing. So uh, we had some more of that, 441 00:26:34,680 --> 00:26:37,760 Speaker 1: and I just started to, you know, you start to think, 442 00:26:37,880 --> 00:26:42,440 Speaker 1: did he really play me? Yes? It starts to really 443 00:26:42,600 --> 00:26:46,119 Speaker 1: get in and I'm like, I can't believe I did. 444 00:26:47,640 --> 00:26:50,760 Speaker 1: What is going on? So there was one night your 445 00:26:50,840 --> 00:26:53,840 Speaker 1: love really do be blind man? One night I called 446 00:26:53,920 --> 00:26:56,760 Speaker 1: him and we're talking the phone that he was being 447 00:26:56,880 --> 00:27:01,560 Speaker 1: so distant with me and I I really think it 448 00:27:01,720 --> 00:27:06,360 Speaker 1: was divine intervention I don't know what it was. Something 449 00:27:06,520 --> 00:27:08,720 Speaker 1: just popped in my head and it just and I 450 00:27:08,880 --> 00:27:11,280 Speaker 1: just spit it out and I said, it's someone pregnant. 451 00:27:12,000 --> 00:27:14,440 Speaker 1: I don't know where that came from. There was no 452 00:27:14,640 --> 00:27:18,639 Speaker 1: evidence of it nothing. I said, it's someone pregnant, and 453 00:27:18,760 --> 00:27:27,640 Speaker 1: he goes, yes. It's like I spoke my worst fear, 454 00:27:27,720 --> 00:27:30,160 Speaker 1: Like I don't I don't know how. Again, I don't 455 00:27:30,200 --> 00:27:33,040 Speaker 1: know where it came from. I could only call a 456 00:27:33,160 --> 00:27:38,159 Speaker 1: divine intervention at this time, and I I just felt it. 457 00:27:38,760 --> 00:27:41,760 Speaker 1: And he said, you got down to get somebody pregnant, 458 00:27:41,760 --> 00:27:46,920 Speaker 1: my nigga, we just had a kidney He said yes, 459 00:27:47,800 --> 00:27:53,399 Speaker 1: And I just said what, Like to this day, I 460 00:27:53,600 --> 00:27:57,240 Speaker 1: really don't know how that conversation ended. You blacked out. 461 00:27:57,720 --> 00:28:02,080 Speaker 1: I just went into the God, well, then you have 462 00:28:02,240 --> 00:28:06,080 Speaker 1: a nice life. Like it was just like, I don't 463 00:28:06,119 --> 00:28:10,520 Speaker 1: know what happened. I just I just completely drew a blank. 464 00:28:11,560 --> 00:28:14,760 Speaker 1: I do remember leaving my apartment. It must have been 465 00:28:14,960 --> 00:28:18,520 Speaker 1: like ten o'clock at night. I walked, Oh my god, 466 00:28:21,840 --> 00:28:24,320 Speaker 1: I walked to the Brooklyn Bridge. I walked across it, 467 00:28:25,760 --> 00:28:30,680 Speaker 1: I walked back across it. I mean, I went through 468 00:28:31,000 --> 00:28:35,639 Speaker 1: such a depression for months. I can imagine like you go, 469 00:28:35,840 --> 00:28:39,600 Speaker 1: you give somebody an organ of yours like, and that's 470 00:28:39,640 --> 00:28:41,520 Speaker 1: how they like. That's just I don't know if that 471 00:28:41,560 --> 00:28:43,760 Speaker 1: people can treat people like that, like I mean, it's 472 00:28:43,800 --> 00:28:46,120 Speaker 1: one thing to you know somebody or like calling out 473 00:28:46,160 --> 00:28:49,760 Speaker 1: their name, but like you, I was playing, I gave 474 00:28:49,840 --> 00:28:52,280 Speaker 1: you something my health like and you guys know to 475 00:28:52,320 --> 00:28:59,920 Speaker 1: get a bit pregnant. And for me, I was shot 476 00:29:00,160 --> 00:29:01,800 Speaker 1: by what he did, even though I shouldn't have been. 477 00:29:03,040 --> 00:29:06,640 Speaker 1: I was more upset with myself and I was so 478 00:29:07,560 --> 00:29:14,640 Speaker 1: embarrassed and that embarrassment is worse than anything, and all 479 00:29:14,720 --> 00:29:19,480 Speaker 1: the people that told me the disappointment and all the 480 00:29:19,560 --> 00:29:22,000 Speaker 1: people told me don't do it. I just felt like 481 00:29:23,280 --> 00:29:25,640 Speaker 1: everything was coming to a head and it was way 482 00:29:25,680 --> 00:29:29,800 Speaker 1: too much for me to bear. And every night from work, 483 00:29:29,960 --> 00:29:33,400 Speaker 1: I was just walking home because I just needed I 484 00:29:33,520 --> 00:29:36,520 Speaker 1: just needed it was like therapist me, like just walk 485 00:29:36,640 --> 00:29:40,160 Speaker 1: and think and I think. Then I started thinking, what 486 00:29:40,320 --> 00:29:43,760 Speaker 1: if he was dating her the whole time and he 487 00:29:44,000 --> 00:29:46,960 Speaker 1: really just you know, it was around me just to 488 00:29:47,040 --> 00:29:50,160 Speaker 1: get this done, when this was their plan. My mind 489 00:29:50,320 --> 00:29:52,800 Speaker 1: was just all over the place. That was the case, 490 00:29:52,840 --> 00:29:56,120 Speaker 1: though it could have been it could have been down 491 00:29:56,520 --> 00:29:59,080 Speaker 1: it doesn't matter to me anymore. But at the time 492 00:29:59,200 --> 00:30:02,000 Speaker 1: it was definitely weighing on my head. And you know, 493 00:30:02,120 --> 00:30:04,280 Speaker 1: it's your thoughts begetting the best of you, man, I 494 00:30:05,480 --> 00:30:09,040 Speaker 1: to be completely completely transparent, like I definitely at that 495 00:30:09,200 --> 00:30:14,080 Speaker 1: time during my walks, I would definitely think about like, yeah, 496 00:30:14,120 --> 00:30:19,880 Speaker 1: I think I don't know even gonna go jump out 497 00:30:19,920 --> 00:30:24,760 Speaker 1: the road. I thought about it a lot. The only 498 00:30:24,840 --> 00:30:26,760 Speaker 1: thing that stopped me is that I didn't want to 499 00:30:26,800 --> 00:30:30,520 Speaker 1: hurt my family. You know it is and I but 500 00:30:30,680 --> 00:30:34,680 Speaker 1: even and then I knew that there's another side to this. 501 00:30:34,920 --> 00:30:37,200 Speaker 1: I knew that I would get past this and there 502 00:30:37,200 --> 00:30:38,880 Speaker 1: will be another life for me. Like I knew it. 503 00:30:39,400 --> 00:30:41,760 Speaker 1: I just knew I had to get through this hard 504 00:30:41,840 --> 00:30:45,360 Speaker 1: part first, and once I got through this, I'll be 505 00:30:45,440 --> 00:30:47,920 Speaker 1: able to get to the other side. I knew that. 506 00:30:48,360 --> 00:30:50,280 Speaker 1: So what made you like, because I'm pretty sure like 507 00:30:50,360 --> 00:30:52,080 Speaker 1: we talked about you going to the depression, I mean, 508 00:30:52,160 --> 00:30:56,400 Speaker 1: I would only imagine like suicide probably and it's not 509 00:30:56,440 --> 00:30:58,680 Speaker 1: even trying to be funny as a joke, but suicide 510 00:30:58,720 --> 00:31:00,440 Speaker 1: define probably be on my topless It's like when you 511 00:31:00,520 --> 00:31:02,560 Speaker 1: go through some ship that's just so hard, you just 512 00:31:02,680 --> 00:31:06,640 Speaker 1: be like, I can't do this like it's too much. 513 00:31:06,800 --> 00:31:08,920 Speaker 1: Like especially when you're not you can't really talk to 514 00:31:08,960 --> 00:31:11,200 Speaker 1: anybody about it because when you don't want toybody telling 515 00:31:11,200 --> 00:31:13,960 Speaker 1: you I told you so. And then for two, I 516 00:31:13,960 --> 00:31:15,360 Speaker 1: don't want to talk something like if you've never been 517 00:31:15,400 --> 00:31:17,080 Speaker 1: through it, because how can you really tell me how 518 00:31:17,120 --> 00:31:19,480 Speaker 1: you how I feel? So like, what is something that? 519 00:31:19,600 --> 00:31:24,040 Speaker 1: How did you like get over this this period? You know, 520 00:31:24,280 --> 00:31:28,400 Speaker 1: I definitely I spent many years. Well that year I 521 00:31:28,520 --> 00:31:31,719 Speaker 1: was pretty much alone, like I just I just closed 522 00:31:31,720 --> 00:31:35,760 Speaker 1: everyone off, everything off and just it's a time. Then 523 00:31:36,240 --> 00:31:38,400 Speaker 1: that same year, I was laid off for my job, 524 00:31:39,560 --> 00:31:45,120 Speaker 1: and it it's like I got to zero and I 525 00:31:45,320 --> 00:31:48,760 Speaker 1: knew that I was a fighter and I knew I 526 00:31:48,880 --> 00:31:52,960 Speaker 1: wasn't gonna let this beat me because I just didn't 527 00:31:53,000 --> 00:31:57,560 Speaker 1: want this sounds prideful, but I didn't want to like 528 00:31:58,280 --> 00:32:00,959 Speaker 1: let this destroy me to the point where just like yo, 529 00:32:01,320 --> 00:32:04,040 Speaker 1: did you see what he did? Like Yo, she's crazy, 530 00:32:04,120 --> 00:32:08,240 Speaker 1: she's walking you know, walking out because don't even do 531 00:32:08,400 --> 00:32:10,520 Speaker 1: me getting to a point of an over time because 532 00:32:10,520 --> 00:32:14,760 Speaker 1: of a broken heart. Like absolutely, people we never nobody 533 00:32:14,840 --> 00:32:17,320 Speaker 1: knows what their trigger point could be. The point could 534 00:32:17,320 --> 00:32:20,120 Speaker 1: be losing a parent, the trigger point you know, getting 535 00:32:20,120 --> 00:32:22,280 Speaker 1: in the card so that everybody has their trigger points. 536 00:32:22,720 --> 00:32:27,600 Speaker 1: And I really didn't want this to be it. I 537 00:32:27,920 --> 00:32:33,520 Speaker 1: thought it. I fought that depression hard, and what I 538 00:32:33,680 --> 00:32:38,600 Speaker 1: did was I was so embarrassed by the friends that 539 00:32:38,680 --> 00:32:40,440 Speaker 1: told me don't do it, that people told me don't 540 00:32:40,440 --> 00:32:44,080 Speaker 1: do it, that I just went to my closest friends 541 00:32:44,120 --> 00:32:47,240 Speaker 1: and just admitted that I funked up, admitted that I 542 00:32:47,320 --> 00:32:51,320 Speaker 1: didn't hold myself in a higher regard, and I didn't. 543 00:32:52,160 --> 00:32:55,360 Speaker 1: I didn't even want to put any responsibility on him anymore. 544 00:32:55,680 --> 00:32:59,360 Speaker 1: I wanted to do it was necessary to get to 545 00:32:59,440 --> 00:33:03,560 Speaker 1: a better s within me. So I took responsibility for 546 00:33:04,040 --> 00:33:06,840 Speaker 1: the part I played in that I made myself too 547 00:33:06,920 --> 00:33:10,880 Speaker 1: accessible and I put myself in a situation where I wasn't. 548 00:33:12,080 --> 00:33:15,720 Speaker 1: I didn't hold my body, my mind, my spirit, and 549 00:33:17,080 --> 00:33:21,680 Speaker 1: I put him before me, and most importantly, I feel 550 00:33:21,720 --> 00:33:24,480 Speaker 1: that in that aspect, sometimes I put him before God. 551 00:33:24,880 --> 00:33:29,000 Speaker 1: And that's where you will up. You know. It's so funny. 552 00:33:29,480 --> 00:33:33,080 Speaker 1: I was talking to somebody about something and some I 553 00:33:33,240 --> 00:33:35,680 Speaker 1: was like, yo, I was in a situation and it's 554 00:33:35,680 --> 00:33:39,080 Speaker 1: completely different than our guest story. But I was saying, like, yo, 555 00:33:39,680 --> 00:33:41,520 Speaker 1: I was really going through like a really tough period 556 00:33:41,640 --> 00:33:44,280 Speaker 1: this year, and I was like, YO, got away awaking 557 00:33:44,360 --> 00:33:46,320 Speaker 1: your ass up to get your attention, and he dot 558 00:33:46,480 --> 00:33:48,600 Speaker 1: just exactly how to get your attention. And he got 559 00:33:48,640 --> 00:33:51,240 Speaker 1: my attention with money, and I was just like, oh 560 00:33:51,400 --> 00:33:54,720 Speaker 1: my goodness, Like I literally had to like start back over, 561 00:33:54,800 --> 00:33:57,240 Speaker 1: and I was so fucking angry. But then again, I 562 00:33:57,400 --> 00:33:59,800 Speaker 1: was like, I should have never put things before him, 563 00:34:00,480 --> 00:34:01,840 Speaker 1: and that's how he gets your attention to do with 564 00:34:02,000 --> 00:34:05,320 Speaker 1: certain things. That's so crazy, because he was if you 565 00:34:05,360 --> 00:34:06,800 Speaker 1: want to get your attention, he knows how to get 566 00:34:06,840 --> 00:34:10,360 Speaker 1: your attention. Like and I mean that like in the 567 00:34:10,520 --> 00:34:13,440 Speaker 1: sense that I didn't deliberately say, like God, I'm putting 568 00:34:13,480 --> 00:34:17,040 Speaker 1: this man before you, not that. But if God bless 569 00:34:17,160 --> 00:34:20,360 Speaker 1: her up to these bodies, the souls, these minds, and 570 00:34:20,560 --> 00:34:26,040 Speaker 1: you put any person that has not made a commitment 571 00:34:26,080 --> 00:34:29,759 Speaker 1: to you of that level above you what what God 572 00:34:29,800 --> 00:34:33,640 Speaker 1: has gifted you with, then that's disrespectful to God. You 573 00:34:33,800 --> 00:34:38,040 Speaker 1: disrespect you, You're disrespecting God. So that's that's the mindset 574 00:34:38,080 --> 00:34:40,279 Speaker 1: that I was in, and I know I needed to 575 00:34:40,360 --> 00:34:42,880 Speaker 1: take the time to build myself back up, so I 576 00:34:42,960 --> 00:34:45,399 Speaker 1: started hanging out with my friends more. I started leaning 577 00:34:45,440 --> 00:34:48,759 Speaker 1: on them more. I started building more relationships with other 578 00:34:48,840 --> 00:34:51,920 Speaker 1: women and friends, and you know, I got to the 579 00:34:52,000 --> 00:34:56,239 Speaker 1: point to the girl that let me tell you, let 580 00:34:56,280 --> 00:35:00,279 Speaker 1: me know you have some good sound here there ship 581 00:35:02,719 --> 00:35:05,560 Speaker 1: just hearing them like you ain't gonna believe this, this 582 00:35:05,719 --> 00:35:11,320 Speaker 1: me what like like sometimes it was. It just helped 583 00:35:11,440 --> 00:35:14,360 Speaker 1: me to sit back and not have to deal with 584 00:35:14,560 --> 00:35:18,080 Speaker 1: my stuff and listen to their stuff. It helped me 585 00:35:18,200 --> 00:35:20,040 Speaker 1: so much. Like we would go while, we would have 586 00:35:20,160 --> 00:35:22,640 Speaker 1: dinner and we would have great talk to go on 587 00:35:22,760 --> 00:35:27,960 Speaker 1: girl vacations, and I started to realize that there's more 588 00:35:28,040 --> 00:35:34,360 Speaker 1: to life than just a sexual relationship or a romantic relationship. 589 00:35:34,480 --> 00:35:39,399 Speaker 1: There's other love relationship. You can be your girlfriend, love, family, love, self, 590 00:35:39,800 --> 00:35:42,719 Speaker 1: self love. And I took the time to focus on 591 00:35:42,840 --> 00:35:47,399 Speaker 1: those things and build myself up. And that's how that's 592 00:35:47,400 --> 00:35:51,840 Speaker 1: how I paid. It took years, it took a long time, 593 00:35:52,480 --> 00:35:57,640 Speaker 1: but it's definitely what was needed. So what would you 594 00:35:57,680 --> 00:36:00,920 Speaker 1: say was the biggest lesson you took from this? The 595 00:36:01,000 --> 00:36:05,960 Speaker 1: biggest lessons I've learned is that you have to value you, 596 00:36:06,680 --> 00:36:10,160 Speaker 1: and you have to value what you stand for, what 597 00:36:10,320 --> 00:36:13,640 Speaker 1: you believe, and what you expect from a relationship and 598 00:36:13,719 --> 00:36:15,640 Speaker 1: what you want from relationship and you have to be 599 00:36:15,800 --> 00:36:19,160 Speaker 1: the champion for you because nobody's gonna hold you down 600 00:36:19,200 --> 00:36:24,480 Speaker 1: like how you hold yourself down. And you can't prove 601 00:36:24,640 --> 00:36:30,120 Speaker 1: anything to these niggas. You can't and if if he 602 00:36:30,280 --> 00:36:35,680 Speaker 1: can't accept you flat out who you are and what 603 00:36:35,880 --> 00:36:38,520 Speaker 1: you're putting on the table, that he's not worth it. 604 00:36:39,440 --> 00:36:45,399 Speaker 1: And this is why every girl that's in my life, 605 00:36:45,480 --> 00:36:49,600 Speaker 1: being my niece, cousins, whoever, I greet them with your 606 00:36:49,680 --> 00:36:53,520 Speaker 1: beautiful I greet them with you know, you don't ever 607 00:36:53,640 --> 00:36:56,000 Speaker 1: have to ask for something. You come to me, you know. 608 00:36:56,760 --> 00:36:59,640 Speaker 1: I tell them the same way like I feel like 609 00:36:59,719 --> 00:37:02,600 Speaker 1: when I mean like I do for another woman, like 610 00:37:02,680 --> 00:37:04,200 Speaker 1: I want you to come to me when to go 611 00:37:04,320 --> 00:37:09,279 Speaker 1: to because it's like you can't trust man. It's so 612 00:37:09,440 --> 00:37:10,879 Speaker 1: sad it has to be like that, but you really 613 00:37:10,960 --> 00:37:13,960 Speaker 1: cannot trust a man like And I even tell my 614 00:37:14,080 --> 00:37:15,600 Speaker 1: Hume girl because she was telling me how she's going 615 00:37:15,640 --> 00:37:17,800 Speaker 1: to ship and I was just like, girl, like I 616 00:37:17,880 --> 00:37:19,480 Speaker 1: ain't got a lot, but if I can help, come 617 00:37:19,520 --> 00:37:21,400 Speaker 1: to me, girl, I'm like, because they're gonna understand you, 618 00:37:21,440 --> 00:37:23,239 Speaker 1: like I want to understand because I get what you're 619 00:37:23,239 --> 00:37:25,000 Speaker 1: going through. I understand why you feel like you have 620 00:37:25,080 --> 00:37:27,799 Speaker 1: to do this, like it's just that's crazy, but it's 621 00:37:27,840 --> 00:37:31,480 Speaker 1: so true. And even now, like you know, I'm married, 622 00:37:31,560 --> 00:37:33,640 Speaker 1: I meant a great guy. We've been married for quite 623 00:37:33,680 --> 00:37:38,480 Speaker 1: a few years. Um, there's still something to sister her 624 00:37:39,200 --> 00:37:42,160 Speaker 1: and it's still something to having those conversations. Like you know, 625 00:37:42,320 --> 00:37:44,320 Speaker 1: before we started, we were so giddy, and you know, 626 00:37:44,760 --> 00:37:49,319 Speaker 1: you can't experience that whatever this podcast, y'all, you can't 627 00:37:49,360 --> 00:37:52,040 Speaker 1: experience that with him, man, and I would. I would 628 00:37:52,120 --> 00:37:54,200 Speaker 1: view him as like one of my He's like a 629 00:37:54,280 --> 00:37:57,160 Speaker 1: best friend to me. But there's definitely times when he 630 00:37:57,239 --> 00:37:58,880 Speaker 1: looks at me and says, you need you need some 631 00:37:58,960 --> 00:38:03,319 Speaker 1: girl talk, you know, like and he needs some boy time. 632 00:38:03,600 --> 00:38:11,640 Speaker 1: You know. So if somebody was in the similar situation 633 00:38:12,480 --> 00:38:15,840 Speaker 1: like you, her boyfriend wanted to ask her to donate 634 00:38:16,480 --> 00:38:18,960 Speaker 1: oregan or whatever the type it could be, would be 635 00:38:19,040 --> 00:38:23,400 Speaker 1: advice to her. My advice would definitely be examined what 636 00:38:23,480 --> 00:38:28,000 Speaker 1: type of relationship you have, because not all relationships, all right, 637 00:38:29,480 --> 00:38:34,800 Speaker 1: not all relationships deserve that level of commitment and bond. 638 00:38:35,640 --> 00:38:39,560 Speaker 1: You know, you're in a good marriage, everything's going well. Um, 639 00:38:41,080 --> 00:38:44,239 Speaker 1: you want to be there and support him absolutely, but 640 00:38:44,360 --> 00:38:48,960 Speaker 1: you know something that I find very interesting. Ah, my husband, 641 00:38:49,080 --> 00:38:52,319 Speaker 1: someone who I am in a relationship with that would 642 00:38:52,480 --> 00:38:55,640 Speaker 1: and a man that would deserve something like that. We 643 00:38:55,719 --> 00:38:58,080 Speaker 1: had we had a conversation and I said, you know, 644 00:38:58,200 --> 00:39:00,560 Speaker 1: if you ever got he said he would. He said, 645 00:39:00,600 --> 00:39:03,000 Speaker 1: he loves me too much to even take it. Wow. 646 00:39:04,239 --> 00:39:06,360 Speaker 1: So that's what I mean, like, and that's why you 647 00:39:06,440 --> 00:39:11,680 Speaker 1: got your winner. So I don't I really don't want 648 00:39:11,719 --> 00:39:14,320 Speaker 1: to speak badly about donating because it definitely is a 649 00:39:14,360 --> 00:39:16,880 Speaker 1: beautiful thing to do, but it's also one of those 650 00:39:16,920 --> 00:39:20,520 Speaker 1: things that it belongs within a certain the confines of 651 00:39:20,600 --> 00:39:23,879 Speaker 1: certain kinds of relationships, and you have to go into 652 00:39:23,960 --> 00:39:27,160 Speaker 1: it with no expectations. You know, if you're going into 653 00:39:27,239 --> 00:39:30,600 Speaker 1: it thinking that this is gonna motivate someone with you 654 00:39:30,800 --> 00:39:33,279 Speaker 1: or change someone, that's the wrong motivation to go in 655 00:39:33,360 --> 00:39:35,759 Speaker 1: there with it, you know, with and and just don't 656 00:39:35,800 --> 00:39:38,080 Speaker 1: do it. If you're going in there with it because 657 00:39:38,120 --> 00:39:40,840 Speaker 1: your relationship is already strong, whether it's a marriage or 658 00:39:40,840 --> 00:39:43,200 Speaker 1: a girlfriend and boyfriend, whatever it is, If you feels 659 00:39:43,200 --> 00:39:46,719 Speaker 1: already strong, then I would say yes, but you have 660 00:39:46,840 --> 00:39:50,480 Speaker 1: to examine yourself and what what your expectation is from this, 661 00:39:50,560 --> 00:39:53,160 Speaker 1: because everyone has expectations. I don't want to say, I 662 00:39:53,280 --> 00:39:56,080 Speaker 1: go into it blindly, just you know, like if you're 663 00:39:56,120 --> 00:40:01,600 Speaker 1: real with something, act me, if you're real with yourself, 664 00:40:01,800 --> 00:40:04,800 Speaker 1: there's something else behind it. Even if it's a family member, 665 00:40:05,239 --> 00:40:09,960 Speaker 1: you're doing it because you love them, you know what 666 00:40:10,239 --> 00:40:13,680 Speaker 1: is because that's just so like I don't know, man, 667 00:40:14,000 --> 00:40:17,680 Speaker 1: you know, because it's just like you you're giving somebody something. 668 00:40:17,800 --> 00:40:20,080 Speaker 1: I mean, you don't need two kidneys, but it's like 669 00:40:20,120 --> 00:40:23,040 Speaker 1: you're giving somebody something and it's just like you just 670 00:40:23,200 --> 00:40:26,480 Speaker 1: never know how it can't affect you downline. You don't 671 00:40:26,520 --> 00:40:28,080 Speaker 1: know what your situation can be with the person you 672 00:40:28,280 --> 00:40:29,680 Speaker 1: gave it to. You don't know what they don't go. 673 00:40:30,000 --> 00:40:31,960 Speaker 1: I mean, if I was a donate, let's say along 674 00:40:32,120 --> 00:40:34,480 Speaker 1: to somebody and you know, I say, you're smoke it. 675 00:40:34,560 --> 00:40:39,919 Speaker 1: I must, I must snack the sh out. Yeah, someone 676 00:40:40,000 --> 00:40:42,560 Speaker 1: would would do something like that. But that's that's another 677 00:40:42,600 --> 00:40:45,359 Speaker 1: reason why to like examine who this person is, whether 678 00:40:45,440 --> 00:40:49,680 Speaker 1: it's are you okay with knowing that there's a possibility 679 00:40:49,719 --> 00:40:51,480 Speaker 1: to give it to them and they could completely in 680 00:40:51,520 --> 00:40:54,719 Speaker 1: the face, absolutely, especially if I wasn't to make it 681 00:40:55,360 --> 00:41:02,040 Speaker 1: like to hunt your ass is definitely something to think about. Um, 682 00:41:03,280 --> 00:41:07,080 Speaker 1: you know, a parent to child situation is a no brainer. 683 00:41:07,680 --> 00:41:10,440 Speaker 1: You know, even if they messed up afterwards, the baby 684 00:41:10,640 --> 00:41:13,400 Speaker 1: is still going to do it. But outside of the 685 00:41:13,600 --> 00:41:19,239 Speaker 1: spouse to spouse. Outside of that, you know, if even 686 00:41:19,320 --> 00:41:21,839 Speaker 1: if since you're sibling, you have to back in exam 687 00:41:21,960 --> 00:41:23,800 Speaker 1: if you have a rough relationship with your sibility, do 688 00:41:23,880 --> 00:41:26,319 Speaker 1: you really want to do that? You know, and people 689 00:41:26,320 --> 00:41:28,120 Speaker 1: think that's all selfish, but it's just like you gotta 690 00:41:28,120 --> 00:41:31,879 Speaker 1: look that for this. I would definitely say that if 691 00:41:32,000 --> 00:41:35,440 Speaker 1: someone chooses not to, they should not feel guilty about it. 692 00:41:37,360 --> 00:41:40,759 Speaker 1: It definitely act like since I've donated, it's definitely I 693 00:41:40,880 --> 00:41:44,239 Speaker 1: definitely have to watch my weight. I never had high 694 00:41:44,280 --> 00:41:47,520 Speaker 1: blood pressure until after. So is these are all things 695 00:41:47,560 --> 00:41:50,000 Speaker 1: you have to take. Yeah, that's the point. What of 696 00:41:50,080 --> 00:41:53,120 Speaker 1: some ceration you have taken into after you donate? Yeah, 697 00:41:53,160 --> 00:41:56,480 Speaker 1: it does. There is a spike in your blood pressure, 698 00:41:56,760 --> 00:42:00,920 Speaker 1: but that's also because like I wasn't like the training before. 699 00:42:01,640 --> 00:42:05,600 Speaker 1: So there's a certain uh hormale I believe it's called 700 00:42:05,640 --> 00:42:09,840 Speaker 1: a hormal that is released from your kidneys that helps 701 00:42:09,960 --> 00:42:13,400 Speaker 1: regulate your blood pressure. So just having one it definitely, 702 00:42:13,800 --> 00:42:16,640 Speaker 1: you know, affects that I've never I was never a drinker. 703 00:42:16,960 --> 00:42:19,440 Speaker 1: But if you are a person that likes to drink, 704 00:42:19,760 --> 00:42:24,880 Speaker 1: you should really reconsider because your whole life pretty much 705 00:42:24,960 --> 00:42:27,640 Speaker 1: changes after you donnate. Yeah, especially if you have certain 706 00:42:27,680 --> 00:42:29,920 Speaker 1: habits before, Like if you're a smoker, you're definitely out 707 00:42:29,920 --> 00:42:32,719 Speaker 1: of the pool. They won't even they won't even consider you. 708 00:42:33,280 --> 00:42:38,840 Speaker 1: But yeah, that the blood pressure thing is definitely something 709 00:42:38,920 --> 00:42:43,960 Speaker 1: that I have to be mindful of. Yeah. Well, I 710 00:42:44,040 --> 00:42:46,719 Speaker 1: think this is an amazing episode. I know I learned 711 00:42:46,760 --> 00:42:50,759 Speaker 1: a lot. Um. If you have any questions for my guests, um, 712 00:42:50,800 --> 00:42:53,880 Speaker 1: please make sure you put in the subject line donate. 713 00:42:54,640 --> 00:42:57,040 Speaker 1: I make sure that she gets the questions and we 714 00:42:57,080 --> 00:43:02,040 Speaker 1: would definitely answer it. And until next time y'all later 715 00:43:03,320 --> 00:43:03,880 Speaker 1: mm hmmm.