Speaker 1: Alright, right, all right, what's popping? This is your Girl,
Speaker 1: and you're listening to Exactly a Mada, a production of
Speaker 1: I Heart Radio. Today we're having a special guest. He's
Speaker 1: gonna be helping me talk about toxic relationships. I think
Speaker 1: we've all heard about it, we've all been through one,
Speaker 1: or maybe it's just me. I don't know. But we
Speaker 1: started up to come Go earlier in his podcast Life
Speaker 1: as a Green Girl, and now I'm inviting him to
Speaker 1: join Exactly a Mada and we will continue the conversation here.
Speaker 1: He is DJ Dramas. Hey, I'm excited. I feel like
Speaker 1: I had you in my home and now you've invited
Speaker 1: me into yours. Very exciting time. Welcome to to Exactly
Speaker 1: a Mata. Be exactly Drama, nice and scandal as yourself, outgoing, transparent, unique.
Speaker 1: You already know. But earlier we were talking about toxic relationships.
Speaker 1: I told you about you know, some of the things
Speaker 1: that I've been through in my past in my toxic relationships.
Speaker 1: Now I want to know about yours. Tell me a
Speaker 1: little bit about yours. Have you had any toxic relationships
Speaker 1: that you regret or you felt like, damn, I could
Speaker 1: have done things a little bit different. Yeah, I mean
Speaker 1: I think that I've had a lot of situation ships
Speaker 1: that I could have I could have done differently, and
Speaker 1: that led to toxic situations. I can think of, like
Speaker 1: you know, when I was definitely like djaying heavy in
Speaker 1: the clubs, like girls would just pull up on me
Speaker 1: and it wouldn't be pretty a lot of times, you know.
Speaker 1: Um So I probably put my my job at risk
Speaker 1: a little bit sometimes, but maybe drama of people showing
Speaker 1: up uh and things like that, or having like one
Speaker 1: situation ship there and then another one randomly shows up
Speaker 1: and now I have to deal with that whole explanation.
Speaker 1: Um So, yeah, my my toxic behavior definitely put me
Speaker 1: in some some sticky situation. Do you think it's more
Speaker 1: toxic women or men? M Who do I think the
Speaker 1: ladies I want to know, go to exactly a mad
Speaker 1: on also platforms and let me know who is more toxic?
Speaker 1: Women or men? Dok sequels if you see. I think
Speaker 1: it's it's different kinds of toxic though, because women are
Speaker 1: like can be incredibly spiteful, you know what I'm saying,
Speaker 1: And that is a whole another level of toxicity. Men
Speaker 1: could just be fucking dumb and just be like assholes
Speaker 1: at the end of the day, you know what I'm saying,
Speaker 1: that's just like another level right there. And I feel
Speaker 1: like with men, it's kind of like, you know, they're big.
Speaker 1: Our biggest thing is like lying to get women into bed, right,
Speaker 1: that's like the probably the biggest trait that somebody could
Speaker 1: Maybe you have to lie that much because women are
Speaker 1: so sexually freaking they're like, you know what, I just
Speaker 1: want to bust it that and stake it to me.
Speaker 1: That's that's that's a great point, and probably a lot
Speaker 1: of a lot of dudes could have had that conversation
Speaker 1: and being a far better position than they would have
Speaker 1: had they had not just gone off the honest Yeah,
Speaker 1: would you be able to deal with that though, like
Speaker 1: an open kind of polyamorous relate, Hell no, we ain't
Speaker 1: doing that, you know what. I'm not gonna like for
Speaker 1: the man that the men that have h done me
Speaker 1: like that that you know, let's say a lot of
Speaker 1: a lot of times to say it doesn't have to
Speaker 1: be a one day stand. It could just be like, Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna take you out on several dates. Because a
Speaker 1: lot of guys when they really wanted. Hey, they will wait,
Speaker 1: they will wait, they will lie. They're gonna take you
Speaker 1: on a couple of dates. I thought about now. But
Speaker 1: once they get it in, they get in sack. So
Speaker 1: they want to stick it in your nose, in your ear,
Speaker 1: and we're gonna want to know everything to you, like
Speaker 1: I'm trying to get my money back. But it's true.
Speaker 1: But I will say this, but so a lot of guys,
Speaker 1: I really don't think that they understand how that behavior
Speaker 1: creates like a top six cycle with women, because then
Speaker 1: now it's like they originally had all these good intentions
Speaker 1: for you, or maybe they actually liked you, and by
Speaker 1: you doing that, now the next guy that comes after you,
Speaker 1: he's gonna get the business because of what you did,
Speaker 1: and then it just creates this weird cycle where we're
Speaker 1: just you know, being spiteful to each other. You know,
Speaker 1: it's weird. Well, what's like the I mean, like, what
Speaker 1: has a dude dunk? I'm trying to think of my
Speaker 1: own toxic behaviors, but like, what would is there one
Speaker 1: thing that sticks out in your head that like, damn,
Speaker 1: like this dude, he got me good with this really
Speaker 1: like just fucked up thing he did um, oh my god,
Speaker 1: if I tell you, I'm gonna feel terrible because I'm
Speaker 1: but I was I was really young, Okay, don't judge me, battle.
Speaker 1: I was really young or whatever. And I was dating
Speaker 1: this guy, much older, guy, like twenty years different. Um,
Speaker 1: so he like he knew how to play and play me.
Speaker 1: And he basically we had a trip to the Dominican Republic,
Speaker 1: and he basically brought his ex girlfriend with us to
Speaker 1: the trip. But he was with me, but he brought her, like,
Speaker 1: you know, we're just really cool friends, you know whatever.
Speaker 1: We were already involved. I'm with you. He let it
Speaker 1: be known that whatever. And I was like, wait, I
Speaker 1: guess it happens. You mean, it's a liberate me just
Speaker 1: trying to understanding, and yess, whole way at home, I
Speaker 1: went home and they staying in the trip because I
Speaker 1: just couldn't do it happen. Look, I couldn't do it.
Speaker 1: I saw them being too friendly. Sometimes I stayed sleeping
Speaker 1: in the room and they had already gone downstairs to
Speaker 1: have breakfast together, Like, oh, I didn't want to wake
Speaker 1: you up. It was just weird. I don't even know
Speaker 1: how I dealt with that. Yeah, yeah, I was gonna say,
Speaker 1: how does that even work? It's like y'all go scuba
Speaker 1: diving as a trio. I don't understand how this works
Speaker 1: on because he was like, oh, okay, she's gonna go
Speaker 1: see her family. I don't even know how I felt
Speaker 1: for it, but I felt that it was toxic because um,
Speaker 1: and made me feel insecure. It made me feel so
Speaker 1: conscious about myself and made me question even my sexuality,
Speaker 1: like sexually, was I not pleasing enough? Um? And made
Speaker 1: me it made me doubt myself in so many levels. UM.
Speaker 1: Then I felt come stopy that you know, for being
Speaker 1: like open and nice and like all right, baby, I
Speaker 1: trust you. See, here's where the once the trust is
Speaker 1: broken and messages up the cycle for every every other relationship,
Speaker 1: because then you're consistently questioning even if this person is
Speaker 1: not doing anything and you just said a new relationship,
Speaker 1: Now you're questioning, oh, obviously this guy is not gonna
Speaker 1: be like the other one, maybe you're gonna do this,
Speaker 1: or if this other person used to, like I don't know,
Speaker 1: cheat on you by testing another girl. Now you want
Speaker 1: to see in your new relationship, let me see your phone,
Speaker 1: And it just creates like a really bad cycle of
Speaker 1: unhealed people started trying to start a new relationships and
Speaker 1: it's just bad. Yeah. I think that that's a great point.
Speaker 1: And you brought up something I want to touch on
Speaker 1: because you said it made you feel insecure about yourself,
Speaker 1: Like was I not pleasing him sexually? And I can
Speaker 1: say from a dude's perspective that have the time when
Speaker 1: we look at another woman outside of our relationship, if
Speaker 1: we're not acting like, they don't have to actually be
Speaker 1: any more attractive than the current relationship that we're in.
Speaker 1: It's just the fact that it's something something right absolutely
Speaker 1: and temperates. And like even when I was just running
Speaker 1: around and getting into situation ships, like there were times
Speaker 1: I would just go sleep with another woman that wasn't
Speaker 1: even as attractive as the girl that was giving me
Speaker 1: regular play, just because it was something new. You know.
Speaker 1: That's what the guys do. That's what the guys do. Yeah, No,
Speaker 1: that's terrible. You'll be leaving your girl and that's the
Speaker 1: that's the Oh my women move ahead. But if I
Speaker 1: want to tell me that you understand where I'm coming from,
Speaker 1: comparing in my heart, I know you know what I'm
Speaker 1: talking about. When you know that your man is cheating
Speaker 1: on you with somebody who's raggedy. I'm like, if you're
Speaker 1: gonna cheat on me and make sure that that she
Speaker 1: looks better than me, that she's smarter than me, that
Speaker 1: she's better than me. But I think you're gonna go
Speaker 1: with somebody gainsai. Okay, Joe, why would that makes it
Speaker 1: even more subconscious? Like, oh hell no, but it is true.
Speaker 1: Sometimes it's not about us, because that's the thing that
Speaker 1: women were always they being ourselves. Maybe I didn't do
Speaker 1: this to him, Maybe I didn't cater, maybe it would
Speaker 1: maybe and reverse man is more like she didn't do that.
Speaker 1: It's because I hurt and they don't blame themselves for it.
Speaker 1: Another question here, I want to see like where you're
Speaker 1: toxic line is drawn here? Okay, So I mean we
Speaker 1: talked about it on my podcast. You know that you
Speaker 1: are a little protective over your men, right when it
Speaker 1: comes to being around other women. What about when it
Speaker 1: comes to like porn, Like is your man allowed to
Speaker 1: watch porn by himself and forth? I don't care if
Speaker 1: you watched porn by himself because I watched porn by myself. Shoot. Yeah,
Speaker 1: Sometimes it's like see that's like my new dick. You
Speaker 1: see how guys want you pussy? My new dick is
Speaker 1: like watching porn. It's like I'd rather watch a new video,
Speaker 1: a new or like anything new. I'd rather watch that
Speaker 1: than to actually go physically share my body with someone else.
Speaker 1: Because I'm not a good cheater. I don't think that
Speaker 1: I could cheat on you and then come home to
Speaker 1: you and act like everything's regular. Maybe if I flirted, Yes,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be honest. If I've heard it with another guy, Okay,
Speaker 1: that's it better. If I gave you, I could never
Speaker 1: come home to and be cool because I feel like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, he smells it. Oh my god, he
Speaker 1: can feel it, and I actual weird. No, stop, don't
Speaker 1: do that anymore. Oh my god, that's stress. I can't
Speaker 1: do it. I can't do it. Have you ever cheated
Speaker 1: on somebody? I have never never physically cheated on someone. However,
Speaker 1: if learning is considered cheating, which it is, I cheated me.
Speaker 1: But I'm only I did it. I've only because that's
Speaker 1: why I asked you earlier, like, um, do you still
Speaker 1: want to feel that that that? Uh? Do you still
Speaker 1: want to feel wanted by other women? Even if you're
Speaker 1: in a relationship, I'm like, I'm gonna really, this is
Speaker 1: my man. First of all, I'm gonna let you know
Speaker 1: I got some man. So no, but if you want
Speaker 1: to come in pretty and stuff or whatever, okay, go
Speaker 1: tell me, like tell me, oh my god, stop, don't see.
Speaker 1: I'll do it. But that's it. Don't call me not
Speaker 1: because I don't want so I will. I'm very flirting,
Speaker 1: and sometimes even when I'm not trying to be flirting,
Speaker 1: my personality makes you feel like I'm trying to holler
Speaker 1: at you. I'm not. I'm just being nice right that
Speaker 1: That is a problem where I think a lot of
Speaker 1: men will mistake women being nice as like yo, she
Speaker 1: wants I'm just being nice to you, and all of
Speaker 1: a sudden I've heard it like oh yeah, because you
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, you were trying to holler. I'm
Speaker 1: like me, he was like, oh yeah, because you know
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. You were talking to him. Yeah. I
Speaker 1: talked to everybody a really nice verson. But but I'll
Speaker 1: definitely say that though, like, um, sometimes that those mixed
Speaker 1: signals can get guys confused. Better. Yeah, I've cheated, you know,
Speaker 1: as far as flirting. I've done that. What about yourself?
Speaker 1: Be honest, I've never cheated in a relationship. No, you
Speaker 1: never stuck it to then came back home and then
Speaker 1: you stuck it again to your girl. Nope, never happened.
Speaker 1: Never happened. And that's also I have only been in
Speaker 1: a handful of official relationships before that. The rest situation ships. Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1: The rest was like, yeah, it's casually. Didn't know, it's
Speaker 1: nothing official. You know what I'm saying. So we could
Speaker 1: go girls, listen to the dev he's giving game. That's
Speaker 1: another thing. You know what in a relationship when okay,
Speaker 1: not in a relationship, when do you make it an
Speaker 1: official relationship? How do you know the difference in between
Speaker 1: the situation ship and a relationship, because a lot of
Speaker 1: girls sometimes be like, oh, this is my man, and
Speaker 1: he thinks this is just a situation ship. Sure right,
Speaker 1: I think you gotta have the conversation because I know,
Speaker 1: for me in the past, if we didn't have the conversation,
Speaker 1: I am still technically single and I can go do
Speaker 1: whatever the hell I want to do. So that's how
Speaker 1: my mind was, and I think a lot of my
Speaker 1: guy friends would have Okay, So then who starts the conversation.
Speaker 1: I mean, whoever watched too. I guess at that point,
Speaker 1: whoever wants to lock things down, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: Like I think I in my relationship, I asked my
Speaker 1: girl to to make it a fishal you know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying. So like I was definitely all in and okay, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: I want to hear you. Okay, tell me pretend that
Speaker 1: your girls here, So like, how did you do it?
Speaker 1: How did I do it? Okay, Well, we went out
Speaker 1: to dinner and we had like a whole nice little
Speaker 1: nights together. When she came back to my place, I
Speaker 1: had like this whole giant sign. I went, like, you know,
Speaker 1: as if we were little kids back in grade school,
Speaker 1: like will you be my girlfriend? And a giant sign
Speaker 1: with candles lit up and and all that kind of stuff.
Speaker 1: Mm hm. So you know, so listen, hey, there are
Speaker 1: good guys out there. Is what I want to make
Speaker 1: a point to say. But definitely I think that if
Speaker 1: it's not official, then you ain't in a relationship like
Speaker 1: you have, that that conversation has to happen. I don't
Speaker 1: care who in issue and talking about a Fisher relationship
Speaker 1: or not. And I know this is away from being
Speaker 1: toxic and all these things, but like, do you ever
Speaker 1: feel the difference in between having well you've never been married, right, Okay,
Speaker 1: But I've heard this many tends on social media where
Speaker 1: there's a lot of people saying, oh, well she's doing girlfriend,
Speaker 1: she's doing wife things at a girlfriend's status. Um, what
Speaker 1: truly is these days? What truly is a difference in
Speaker 1: between a girlfriend and you know, your wife, because these days,
Speaker 1: But I mean then then I don't even know the
Speaker 1: difference anymore. We lived together, we fuck, we share expenses,
Speaker 1: we do So what exactly is the difference we're in
Speaker 1: a difference between a situation ship and a relationship? Now, girlfriend,
Speaker 1: now that she's made it to the girlfriend, what's the
Speaker 1: difference between the girlfriend and the wife? I mean, I think,
Speaker 1: first of all, I haven't seen this conversation too, and
Speaker 1: I don't think it's for any of us to necessarily
Speaker 1: tell somebody who lived their life. But what I think
Speaker 1: is you do have to be careful when it comes
Speaker 1: to like investments, I think is where you sort of
Speaker 1: start like getting a little bit shaky, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean, Where like if I'm if we're doing investments together.
Speaker 1: Potentially if we break up, could really funk up my
Speaker 1: money in the future and like put us both in
Speaker 1: like a your place. To me, that's where I would
Speaker 1: start to draw the line, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: And I'm not opposed to doing that. It just depends
Speaker 1: I think on how long I've been with somebody and
Speaker 1: like what the circumstances are of that relationship and what
Speaker 1: I'm saying. I think if you live like a levels,
Speaker 1: if you live together and you're both like sharing in
Speaker 1: all the bills and all that kind of stuff, I
Speaker 1: think you graduated into a certain level. I don't think
Speaker 1: you necessarily have to be married to kind of do
Speaker 1: all of those different things. Um, I think marriage is
Speaker 1: just like kind of I don't know. I don't want
Speaker 1: to I don't want to say it's just a title.
Speaker 1: Do you want to get married? Yeah? I want to
Speaker 1: get married for sure, like legally with papers and everything.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah yeah, legally papers, uh, you know, with a
Speaker 1: priest and family involved and all that kind of stuff.
Speaker 1: For sure. We're getting back to the topic. Hold on,
Speaker 1: what about you used to try to scape via this,
Speaker 1: this whole thing. I felt the shade coming from from across.
Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't think I want to get
Speaker 1: married anymore. I think that I want to get married,
Speaker 1: but just not legally what you did want to get
Speaker 1: married at one point and you're yeah, for sure, I don't.
Speaker 1: I don't think I want to do it anymore. Um,
Speaker 1: I don't think. I think that. I feel like it's
Speaker 1: jinxing and there's some there's like a weird spell in
Speaker 1: that damn document. Then once you sign it, everything goes bad.
Speaker 1: There's relationships that lasts for like the longest time while
Speaker 1: they're together as a couple. Once they get married, things
Speaker 1: change and I would love to have the wedding, my
Speaker 1: wedding dress, wedding cake, everything. I just don't want us
Speaker 1: to sign that document. And if you and I are
Speaker 1: together and we have the rings, we we go through
Speaker 1: the whole thing. Why why does that document solidify what
Speaker 1: we feel for each other? I don't know. That's just me,
Speaker 1: but knowing that you are in a you know, official
Speaker 1: relationship and you're happy and you're proud to that you
Speaker 1: have evolved into this great man, has she done an
Speaker 1: toxic to you? It's okay. Let me know she hasn't
Speaker 1: done anything. I would say, toxic toxic. We have had
Speaker 1: UM a couple maybe like jealous moments and it's and
Speaker 1: and like we kind of talked about UM, you know
Speaker 1: on my episode of this show. UM. A lot of
Speaker 1: it I have to take blame for because it was
Speaker 1: like I wasn't present to our relationship. And not that
Speaker 1: I was out there hanging around other women or anything
Speaker 1: like that, but I wasn't doing a good job of
Speaker 1: separating work from my personal life. I was allowing myself
Speaker 1: to be distant, to be caught up in in like
Speaker 1: bullshit that I was doing at work, and like you know,
Speaker 1: the stress of it all. And I wasn't showing up
Speaker 1: for my partner to make her feel like I was
Speaker 1: like truly invested in what we were doing, you know,
Speaker 1: so she didn't feel attached to me, and I kind
Speaker 1: of you know, created that environment where she wasn't really
Speaker 1: a part of my day to day activities. Just I
Speaker 1: was so caught up in everything. I know, how mature
Speaker 1: you are and how mature you talk, because it just
Speaker 1: shows a lot of growth. You know that that you're
Speaker 1: learning with the experience, you learned with time, and once
Speaker 1: you start realizing what really matters you just start to
Speaker 1: get in that space, but maybe not her. But have
Speaker 1: you had any girl do anything super toxic to you?
Speaker 1: Have I had a girl do anything? I mean, I
Speaker 1: definitely think I got cheated on for sure, like once
Speaker 1: or twice when I think about it, I haven't been
Speaker 1: able to prove it, but yeah, I definitely, like, you know,
Speaker 1: saw some weird Instagram comments that seemed a little bit
Speaker 1: too flirty. Um, you know, maybe some phone calls that
Speaker 1: weren't answered during certain times that they should have been. Um,
Speaker 1: you know, for for sure. From like I mean, this
Speaker 1: one girl, I would say she was probably the most
Speaker 1: toxic girl that I made my my girlfriend. I think
Speaker 1: at the end of the day, she saw the whole
Speaker 1: DJ aspect of everything and then thought that she had
Speaker 1: like a free ride to kind of you know, sit
Speaker 1: around and not do much, you know. And she even
Speaker 1: moved in with me and and was living with me
Speaker 1: for a little while, and and to her it was
Speaker 1: just like she was cool with just kind of laying
Speaker 1: around all day and like as long as she cleaned
Speaker 1: the house. She thought that that was like, you know, uh,
Speaker 1: showing up equally in our relationship back in the days,
Speaker 1: and some girls still have that mentality of like, you
Speaker 1: know whatever, this was a girl that just had that
Speaker 1: didn't want to do anything. She just want to be
Speaker 1: a trophy wife. So that was you know what I'm saying,
Speaker 1: Like there's a difference between I think, you know, the
Speaker 1: idea of like a woman wanting to take care of
Speaker 1: you and those things, and I appreciate all that and
Speaker 1: I love that, but at the same time, there are
Speaker 1: certain women who just want to be a trophy wife
Speaker 1: that gets to sit up there on the pedestal all
Speaker 1: day long and to talk to a man that either
Speaker 1: has one or really enjoys just having a trophy wife.
Speaker 1: I just want you to be home, clean the house,
Speaker 1: be pretty, go to the gym all day, and when
Speaker 1: I want to stick it to you, you're always available
Speaker 1: for me. Basically, don't say anything, don't have really much
Speaker 1: of an opinion, and I'm just gonna give you any
Speaker 1: You're gonna be hearing it. Yeah, Like you know, I
Speaker 1: don't know where are these men at and seeing theory
Speaker 1: it was nice Like the first couple of months, it
Speaker 1: was like cool, like I got I got this girl
Speaker 1: that like I'm you know, super attracted to that is
Speaker 1: just there waiting on my on me. Basically, she just wants,
Speaker 1: you know, she wants to hear about my day. I
Speaker 1: get you know, we we fun. We do that and
Speaker 1: we and you know, my meals are cooked and my
Speaker 1: laundry is done. That was great, but eventually, like a
Speaker 1: month two months in, it got boring because it was like, yo,
Speaker 1: like your life volves around me, Like you have nothing
Speaker 1: to add to the conversation that doesn't have to do
Speaker 1: with me, you know what I'm saying. So from like
Speaker 1: that would definitely, you know, with something younger that I learned, like, Okay,
Speaker 1: this is not the type of relationship that I want
Speaker 1: from me. The thing that sex is Margo j ah,
Speaker 1: you know, like that with someone that has toxic traits
Speaker 1: or with somebody that's go, babe, I don't care if
Speaker 1: you go out, you know, come whatever you want. You know,
Speaker 1: don't like somebody, don't argue, no holding, no, no, I
Speaker 1: don't know. Okay, I want to know how you feel personally.
Speaker 1: I like a little toxicity. Most of the toxic toxicity.
Speaker 1: I absolutely do like it. I like it a little
Speaker 1: bit with be a little bit just like, oh who's that?
Speaker 1: It makes you feel like, oh my god, maybe you
Speaker 1: care about me. Yes, I'm not going anywhere a little bit.
Speaker 1: Don't go crazy, you know. I like a little bit
Speaker 1: man that puts a little pressure on me, and it
Speaker 1: makes me feel like, oh my god, you want your
Speaker 1: protective you love me? Yes, what about you? Right? I
Speaker 1: mean I don't know if it's like toxic traits, but
Speaker 1: you definitely want I don't think you want somebody who's
Speaker 1: just kind of like whatever about everything, you know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying, who's just like, hey, you know, we're here,
Speaker 1: we get along, we're in a relationship, and that's that.
Speaker 1: You know, Okay, you want to sex, sure, Like you
Speaker 1: definitely want some type of energy where it's like like
Speaker 1: you know, your girl is like randomly'll send you like
Speaker 1: a naked picture and and just to remind you, like, yo,
Speaker 1: this is this is what you got, you know, saying
Speaker 1: keep your head on. You know. Stuff like that I
Speaker 1: think is definitely, you know, a turn on. And and
Speaker 1: for sure I would definitely for for that over somebody
Speaker 1: who's just kind of like there, yeah, it's just like whatever. Okay,
Speaker 1: So how about this, Let's go through some of the
Speaker 1: toxic toxic traits that men have or you know what,
Speaker 1: I just say, Ben, because I feel like this is
Speaker 1: men and women. But we're gonna put you up on
Speaker 1: game a little bit. And if you didn't know you're
Speaker 1: in a toxic relationship, you might just find out right now. Okay,
Speaker 1: So do me want to I'll give you one for example.
Speaker 1: I think that someone that is toxic is someone who
Speaker 1: never takes responsibilities for or anything that they do, and
Speaker 1: they ever disrespect you, if they ever make you feel bad,
Speaker 1: if they ever hurt your feelings, that they ever whatever,
Speaker 1: they just always act like it's your fault or like
Speaker 1: I'm sorry you feel that way. Sure, what about you?
Speaker 1: What's another toxic trade? I mean, yeah, definitely you have
Speaker 1: to take responsibility. That's like, I think that's a great one. Definitely,
Speaker 1: somebody who doesn't take responsibility for their funk ups is
Speaker 1: a huge red flag. Um. But also I think the
Speaker 1: like the machismo man who feels like they have to
Speaker 1: kind of control you. You You know what I'm saying. If
Speaker 1: if it's like, uh, you know, I don't want you
Speaker 1: wearing that outside the house. I don't want you hanging
Speaker 1: out with this friend. You know what I'm saying, Um,
Speaker 1: you know, I don't want you doing this or doing
Speaker 1: that like that should be automatic red flag. And I
Speaker 1: think a lot of times women will be, oh, he cares,
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying, and it's like no, no, no.
Speaker 1: There's a difference between me saying like I don't want
Speaker 1: you to go jog in the park at night when
Speaker 1: it's dark because it's just not safe for you by
Speaker 1: yourself out there. And there's between me saying like I
Speaker 1: don't want you leaving the house, you know, wearing that
Speaker 1: where maybe your boobs you have a little bit of cleave.
Speaker 1: I don't want you wearing that. Like this a huge difference.
Speaker 1: So how about this one too. This is another good one. Um,
Speaker 1: when they disrespect your boundaries. If you're in a relationship
Speaker 1: with someone and you're like, babe, listen, I don't like,
Speaker 1: I don't know, I don't like when you can oh
Speaker 1: I've heard this one or something I had an issue with,
Speaker 1: but whatever, let me not put my business out there.
Speaker 1: Never mind. But if I tell you, for example, I
Speaker 1: don't like you calling me I don't know, bitch, some
Speaker 1: guys will do that like that's my bitch, or and
Speaker 1: it may not come from a negative space or a
Speaker 1: fox with my bitch or whatever. It may not come
Speaker 1: from a negative space, or or I can say I
Speaker 1: don't like you're calling me pumpkin, don't call me sweetie,
Speaker 1: don't call me honey, whatever, baby, I don't, I don't.
Speaker 1: Don't wake me up at nighttime. Don't if I'm tired
Speaker 1: from sleeping. Don't wake me up because I have to
Speaker 1: work up, wake up early in the morning. If you
Speaker 1: want something, you have to give me what I'm up
Speaker 1: or whatever your boundaries are. If I've already established I
Speaker 1: don't like this, or please don't do this. Once they
Speaker 1: started disrespecting that you're starting to that's one's signed their toxic.
Speaker 1: They don't respect you, then respect the way that you feel.
Speaker 1: That's not a good sign you got. Like a relationship,
Speaker 1: a lot of it is having mutual respect for that person.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, Like I should have I
Speaker 1: should be looking at at my girl like, oh my goodness,
Speaker 1: she's amazing. You know what I'm saying. She does, she's
Speaker 1: incredible with this stuff. Like it shouldn't be me putting
Speaker 1: down the person that I'm with. I shouldn't be you know,
Speaker 1: doing anything that I think kind of you know, goes
Speaker 1: against their own beliefs. Or like you said, even when
Speaker 1: it comes to like calling somebody abition, like no, I
Speaker 1: should never be saying anything that kind of degregates the
Speaker 1: person that I'm in a relationship with. Here's another good one,
Speaker 1: this functional past. If you've been in a relationship with
Speaker 1: someone and then you find out that they were an
Speaker 1: abusive relationship, they were crazy. I just came out of
Speaker 1: jail because I beat this girl. Whatever it is that
Speaker 1: may have happened that signed this ain't gonna work out.
Speaker 1: Red flag, Be careful. I'll tell you another one. Your gut,
Speaker 1: your girl will always tell you when something is wrong,
Speaker 1: that that other intuition of yours that you have in
Speaker 1: your system that tells you something is not right. Definitely
Speaker 1: listen to that. And if it also makes you feel
Speaker 1: like you consistently have to investigate searching, Look, that's another
Speaker 1: sign that either you're toxic, because you could be toxic,
Speaker 1: or that this person is not someone that you should trust. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's that's a good one. And I think actually this
Speaker 1: one I wasn't aware of, but my my girl had
Speaker 1: brought up to me. Look at the way that the
Speaker 1: dude treats his mom, you know, like, look at his
Speaker 1: relationship with his mother and if he has like a
Speaker 1: healthy relationship where he treats her with respect and all
Speaker 1: those things, I think that's a good indicator of how
Speaker 1: he's probably going to exist when it comes to the
Speaker 1: person that he's decided to spend it right his mom,
Speaker 1: his children, uh, any women around him. That's a really
Speaker 1: good sign because sometimes you can tell just after wather
Speaker 1: they treat them the wather, they're probably going to treat
Speaker 1: you in a relationship. Um. And another thing when they're
Speaker 1: full of promises and you know they're like, oh, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna do this, I'm gonna do all this other extra
Speaker 1: ship you already know you're full of maloney. I don't know.
Speaker 1: I think that we have to before we decided to
Speaker 1: get in off for relationships with people, and while we're
Speaker 1: in the process of dating people, when we see the
Speaker 1: red flags when people tell you who they are, believe them.
Speaker 1: You know a lot of times we don't want to
Speaker 1: believe it. We want to sugarcoat it, we want to
Speaker 1: pretend it's not there, or they're going to change trade
Speaker 1: that women have a lot and number one of those
Speaker 1: were fixers. We want to fix you. I can fix him.
Speaker 1: I can make him better. No, you have to understand
Speaker 1: that you have to take people as they are, and
Speaker 1: they are who they are. If they're toxic, if they're
Speaker 1: crazy at their psychook, just expect for their root and
Speaker 1: there whatever, that's who they are. Can they change maybe
Speaker 1: in their own time with time mature. They have to
Speaker 1: want to change. They have to want to change for sure.
Speaker 1: Any advice I mean when it comes to yeah, I
Speaker 1: always say this. I think men show you exactly who
Speaker 1: they are, especially more so than women. Like you can
Speaker 1: see who a man is, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: I just think that that we're a lot more obvious
Speaker 1: about what we're trying to do, you know what I'm saying,
Speaker 1: where women could be a little bit more trickier to
Speaker 1: catch some of the signs. I think you need a
Speaker 1: little bit more time. But like, just look how a
Speaker 1: man lives, Like what is his lifestyle? Like, you know
Speaker 1: what I'm saying, Like who are his friends, what are
Speaker 1: his hobbies? What is he doing on a regular basis?
Speaker 1: You know, because I think you know, going out like
Speaker 1: on a night on the town with your girls is
Speaker 1: a little bit different than like a dude who goes
Speaker 1: out on a night in the town with his boys.
Speaker 1: Like I said, you know before, for me, when I
Speaker 1: used to go out with my boys, it was always
Speaker 1: about trying to find a girl. Wasn't about us like
Speaker 1: sitting down having heart tarts and having a guide time
Speaker 1: or something like that, Like you know, we were all
Speaker 1: on a mission. So I think men are a lot
Speaker 1: more like forward facing, front facing when it comes to
Speaker 1: what their intentions are and who they are. And you
Speaker 1: know a lot of women unfortunately don't pay attention to
Speaker 1: that for sure. For sure. Well, I'll tell you this much.
Speaker 1: I am such a fan of life as a green goal.
Speaker 1: You know you're out here putting in down work DJ
Speaker 1: that I almost thank you so much for joining me today.
Speaker 1: And by the way, you know, I'm trying to get
Speaker 1: these streams up. I'm trying to get these subscribers up
Speaker 1: because this show keeps getting only but better to remember
Speaker 1: remember to rate us, Share this podcast with your friends, friends,
Speaker 1: tell a friend, friend, yo. You can't miss exactly amount
Speaker 1: of every Thursday is lit. This has been a production
Speaker 1: of I Hearts Radio Michael Podcast Network. I always say
Speaker 1: I'm so grateful because they allowed us to have this
Speaker 1: platform where we could be exactly who we are I've
Speaker 1: Latin Spanish, who we are as a community, as a home.
Speaker 1: And by the way, for more podcast from my Heart,
Speaker 1: visit the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcast or wherever
Speaker 1: you listen to your favorite shows. Okay, I am so grateful.
Speaker 1: By the way, dramas um share with me your social
Speaker 1: media wheking people follow you work and they go check
Speaker 1: out your podcast. Yes, that's a at DJ Dramas d
Speaker 1: r a m os on all social media platforms. And
Speaker 1: then if you just search for life as a Gringo
Speaker 1: on any platform you find podcasts, you'll check it out there.
Speaker 1: So it's all about that in between kind of gray
Speaker 1: area that a lot of us Latinos born in America
Speaker 1: kind of existence. So that's what a lot of conversations
Speaker 1: we have on there are. All right, guys, Well, thank
Speaker 1: you so much for joining exactly a mata. I'll see
Speaker 1: you next thirday Today