WEBVTT - Do I look Scammable? 0:00:00.200 --> 0:00:03.520 Once upon a time there was a good old traditional housewife, 0:00:03.520 --> 0:00:06.360 and she couldn't. She cleaned and cared for her children 0:00:06.400 --> 0:00:08.320 and the man of the house, and of course she 0:00:08.480 --> 0:00:09.640 didn't talk back. 0:00:09.800 --> 0:00:12.240 She was both obedient and soft by nature. 0:00:12.360 --> 0:00:16.760 She was a good woman who always made good choices. 0:00:17.440 --> 0:00:18.759 We're good Mom's bad choices. 0:00:18.800 --> 0:00:21.520 Who's single mom who said fuck the patriarchy, shared all 0:00:21.520 --> 0:00:22.640 their bad choices. 0:00:22.320 --> 0:00:24.000 And found out they were so bad after all. 0:00:24.040 --> 0:00:26.600 We're experts, overshares and your new besties. 0:00:26.720 --> 0:00:33.080 Sit back and enjoy the ride. Welcome back to good 0:00:33.080 --> 0:00:35.920 Mom's bad Choices. I'm Erica and I'm Jamila. 0:00:36.200 --> 0:00:42.360 Happy Wednesday, bitches, and DJ. 0:00:42.280 --> 0:00:48.279 You love in the house, butes, Is that gonna your 0:00:48.320 --> 0:00:52.280 DJ drop? I have a confession. 0:00:52.320 --> 0:00:58.160 I think I know my next my next adventure, my 0:00:58.240 --> 0:01:03.840 next talent. I'm gonna be a meditation MC. So it's 0:01:03.880 --> 0:01:07.240 like I'm gonna just like talk over the yeah, but 0:01:07.240 --> 0:01:12.480 but like live at a festival. Live, Yeah, everybody, breathe, everybody, 0:01:12.480 --> 0:01:17.000 feel your pleasure, move your hips. I told DJ Niche 0:01:17.920 --> 0:01:20.240 drop some tracks. I'm just send them over. I'm a 0:01:20.319 --> 0:01:22.040 DJ Niche Niche Niche Niche Niche. 0:01:23.080 --> 0:01:24.600 I think I think I think they told me this, 0:01:24.720 --> 0:01:26.680 that you did this at the and on top of 0:01:26.720 --> 0:01:27.480 the mountain the other day. 0:01:27.520 --> 0:01:27.800 I didn't. 0:01:28.480 --> 0:01:29.920 I'm feeling it. 0:01:29.959 --> 0:01:32.119 I think I think I need to do some some 0:01:32.160 --> 0:01:32.960 empty meditation. 0:01:33.400 --> 0:01:35.240 Here goes, Actually do it? Do it? Pick up? 0:01:35.760 --> 0:01:38.080 Just hands me the microphone and then I tell Orlando. 0:01:38.160 --> 0:01:40.559 He's like, right now. I was like, you're a hater. 0:01:41.600 --> 0:01:44.480 Stop in my dreams. So I knew not to fuck 0:01:44.520 --> 0:01:47.080 with you. You're a hater. Meanwhile, as she's like do it, 0:01:47.160 --> 0:01:48.200 do it, she turns it on. 0:01:48.720 --> 0:01:51.000 Oh my god, you know we all need that friend. 0:01:52.000 --> 0:01:53.480 Speaking of friends, did you go out last night? 0:01:54.640 --> 0:01:58.800 I did, But apparently every Wednesday my new friend and 0:01:58.840 --> 0:02:01.360 I met on my hike touring and does his thing, 0:02:01.480 --> 0:02:02.440 except yesterday. 0:02:02.600 --> 0:02:05.120 So we went and we left. So it wasn't this. 0:02:05.200 --> 0:02:06.920 It wasn't the right day. It was the right day. 0:02:07.240 --> 0:02:09.480 He wasn't there that day of always, it wasn't. It 0:02:09.520 --> 0:02:12.040 wasn't like a vibe, No, oh, it was like, what 0:02:12.120 --> 0:02:14.760 was it like in there? It's Anderson Pack's Club or something. 0:02:14.919 --> 0:02:15.640 Yeah, Andy's. 0:02:16.600 --> 0:02:18.440 I don't want to tell everybody our spot, but Andy's 0:02:18.440 --> 0:02:19.720 on Wednesdays has live music. 0:02:19.720 --> 0:02:20.480 It's really bombed. 0:02:20.720 --> 0:02:22.480 It's really cute in there too. It's like a little bar. 0:02:22.560 --> 0:02:24.320 Apparently it was an upstairs. I didn't know there's upstairs, 0:02:24.360 --> 0:02:27.200 Nisha told me, because you know, Nisha's outside and there's 0:02:27.200 --> 0:02:29.839 a little patio. It's not like some crazy line. It's 0:02:29.880 --> 0:02:32.720 not very La like usual, like who who's the list 0:02:32.800 --> 0:02:33.240 day at? 0:02:33.320 --> 0:02:36.160 Who invited you? It's not like that yet. I don't know. 0:02:36.200 --> 0:02:37.800 I think, I think I don't know. I don't I 0:02:37.800 --> 0:02:39.000 don't know Anderson Pack at all. 0:02:39.200 --> 0:02:40.919 I would imagine his spot would be like I feel 0:02:40.919 --> 0:02:42.400 like he's there. I think he did it on purpose. 0:02:42.440 --> 0:02:44.720 So it's like just very chill like last night. I 0:02:44.720 --> 0:02:48.480 wanted to just let us in last week too, But yeah, 0:02:48.520 --> 0:02:50.680 I was on a hike last week and I was 0:02:50.720 --> 0:02:52.800 just sitting there and this guy we started talking and 0:02:52.840 --> 0:02:55.480 he's like, come to Andy said ten I'm performing. I'm 0:02:55.520 --> 0:02:58.440 like okay, And then I went and it was like amazing. 0:02:58.480 --> 0:03:00.359 I danced for like two hours straight. I don't know 0:03:00.400 --> 0:03:03.919 if anybody's familiar with going out in the LA area Holly, Hollywood, y'all, 0:03:03.960 --> 0:03:08.280 but nobody dances. Historically, nobody dances. It's just not fun. 0:03:08.320 --> 0:03:10.120 There's barely even a dance floor, so it's like, why 0:03:10.120 --> 0:03:11.880 the fuck are we here? So if you find a 0:03:11.880 --> 0:03:14.320 place that people are dancing and there's like good music 0:03:14.320 --> 0:03:17.520 and live music, and then you need to hold on 0:03:17.560 --> 0:03:20.960 to it like a treasure. So this is if I'm 0:03:21.000 --> 0:03:22.880 going to be outside, it's probably going to be on 0:03:22.880 --> 0:03:23.880 a Wednesday at Andy's. 0:03:24.680 --> 0:03:26.600 So, yeah, what happened to you last night? Were you 0:03:26.639 --> 0:03:27.720 going to what'd you guys do? 0:03:28.440 --> 0:03:28.520 Now? 0:03:28.600 --> 0:03:29.160 My homegirls? 0:03:29.200 --> 0:03:32.960 She just came over and we drank tequila and talked 0:03:33.280 --> 0:03:35.280 about girl stuff. 0:03:37.000 --> 0:03:39.800 I went to a stuff life stuff, former stuff. 0:03:40.360 --> 0:03:43.200 I went to an event this week with somebody we 0:03:43.280 --> 0:03:45.040 met at the mom Juice event, and. 0:03:45.440 --> 0:03:47.760 Within like twenty minutes, all. 0:03:47.680 --> 0:03:50.400 The women were gathered around talking about deep stuff. And 0:03:50.440 --> 0:03:51.520 I was like, is this a bitches do? 0:03:51.800 --> 0:03:54.240 Like strangers? Hi? What's your childhood drama? 0:03:54.320 --> 0:03:54.400 Me? 0:03:54.440 --> 0:03:57.400 So, what happened to you? Literally? I was like, is 0:03:57.440 --> 0:04:01.120 this like? Women are so has? Like are just so deep? 0:04:01.400 --> 0:04:03.600 I mean, at least the women I'm around, because within 0:04:03.960 --> 0:04:07.680 literally fifteen minutes, we're just talking about childhood trauma and 0:04:07.760 --> 0:04:13.240 pleasure and like religious trauma. And I'm like, I know 0:04:13.360 --> 0:04:16.800 for a fact men don't gather around in small crowds 0:04:16.839 --> 0:04:23.240 and talk about these things, which is probably the problem. True, Yeah, 0:04:23.279 --> 0:04:25.120 but also I'm like, are we too deep? Also, like 0:04:25.200 --> 0:04:29.240 I don't sometimes you know what it is. I think women, 0:04:30.000 --> 0:04:31.960 I think what's important that we have spaces like that, 0:04:32.040 --> 0:04:32.920 But I also think. 0:04:32.800 --> 0:04:35.320 That we confuse each other because we. 0:04:35.240 --> 0:04:39.320 Can't wait to insert our experience into someone else's experience. 0:04:39.600 --> 0:04:42.120 Like oh, like if I say, oh, I'm going through 0:04:42.120 --> 0:04:43.880 a hard time with my boyfriend, oh girl, I did that. 0:04:43.960 --> 0:04:45.720 I had the same problem, and let me tell you 0:04:45.760 --> 0:04:46.560 how that ended up. 0:04:46.600 --> 0:04:48.280 And then now this bitch on the other side is like, 0:04:48.279 --> 0:04:49.560 oh my god, is that's gonna end up? 0:04:49.680 --> 0:04:50.960 It's like I sometimes I feel like we. 0:04:50.960 --> 0:04:54.880 Plant unnecessary seeds by oversharing, you know, Like I. 0:04:54.880 --> 0:04:56.680 Think it's it just depends who you're asking, who you're 0:04:56.680 --> 0:04:57.600 talking to, and just. 0:04:57.560 --> 0:04:59.039 Well, if you're at a fucking party with a bunch 0:04:59.040 --> 0:04:59.680 of bitches. 0:04:59.400 --> 0:05:03.120 No, I'm basically having discernment of like what information and 0:05:03.120 --> 0:05:06.120 what advice you're you're taking in. And it also depends 0:05:06.160 --> 0:05:07.880 like if it's a yeah, I guess if it's a 0:05:07.920 --> 0:05:12.839 relationship that's early on and not a lot of people 0:05:12.880 --> 0:05:14.680 know that person, or like you know what I mean, 0:05:14.760 --> 0:05:17.560 Like it's it is you have to have the discernment 0:05:17.560 --> 0:05:19.960 because you're the bitch that knows him. If you're getting 0:05:19.960 --> 0:05:22.720 the dick and you're doing the pillow talking, hopefully you 0:05:22.760 --> 0:05:25.560 have a better understanding of this person than like Susie 0:05:25.640 --> 0:05:28.599 Q on the street. I think, I don't know, it's 0:05:28.640 --> 0:05:31.240 a it's a balance because I do feel like you're friends. 0:05:31.360 --> 0:05:32.960 I'm not saying strangers on the street, but like your 0:05:32.960 --> 0:05:35.440 close friends have your best interest in mine and kind 0:05:35.440 --> 0:05:38.200 of know you, and so I feel like their usually 0:05:38.279 --> 0:05:41.040 friend advice is sound. But then there's always you hear 0:05:41.080 --> 0:05:44.480 in like rap videos and songs that like you're getting 0:05:44.520 --> 0:05:46.240 advice from the bitch doesn't have a boyfriend and shit 0:05:46.320 --> 0:05:46.520 like that. 0:05:46.600 --> 0:05:47.960 You know, you know it's been in like E R 0:05:48.000 --> 0:05:52.120 and B song. I'm just gonna say, most bitches don't 0:05:52.120 --> 0:05:52.720 have discernment. 0:05:54.320 --> 0:05:56.800 Did you get bad advice and you're no, I just 0:05:56.880 --> 0:05:58.839 I just no, No, I didn't get bad advice. But 0:05:58.880 --> 0:06:01.960 I you know, I just I think I listen to 0:06:02.000 --> 0:06:04.960 people talk so much, and I listen to women share 0:06:05.000 --> 0:06:07.240 a lot, and I listen to myself too, and I 0:06:07.279 --> 0:06:10.719 have to like sometimes check myself on when someone is 0:06:10.760 --> 0:06:15.120 sharing and not just waiting to insert my experience that 0:06:15.120 --> 0:06:16.719 they've had. You know, I think a lot of times 0:06:16.800 --> 0:06:18.720 we do that because yes, we want to be in 0:06:18.760 --> 0:06:21.479 conversation with someone, like we want to relate to someone, 0:06:22.040 --> 0:06:24.880 and sometimes like you just need to shut the fuck 0:06:24.920 --> 0:06:25.479 up and listen. 0:06:26.160 --> 0:06:28.880 Yeah, I mean some people just want to a listening ear. 0:06:29.200 --> 0:06:32.360 I also feel like, just in general, as humans, it 0:06:32.440 --> 0:06:35.760 is it is human nature. You share something with me, 0:06:36.080 --> 0:06:37.880 no matter what you're talking about, no matter what I'm 0:06:37.920 --> 0:06:40.440 talking about, even if we're not giving each other advice, 0:06:40.839 --> 0:06:44.839 I'm always because it's the human it's the human nature. 0:06:44.880 --> 0:06:47.360 I'm always going to be looking at looking at said 0:06:47.480 --> 0:06:52.360 thing through a filter of my experience. This is what 0:06:52.400 --> 0:06:56.000 we do. We have a conversation. We are listening aka 0:06:56.040 --> 0:07:00.200 evaluating aka judging aka comparing it to something that you're 0:07:00.240 --> 0:07:02.400 familiar with and feel comfortable with so that we can 0:07:02.480 --> 0:07:06.680 rationalize whatever said thing is. And so automatically there's a 0:07:06.680 --> 0:07:09.440 scope of judgment because even if even as listening, we're 0:07:09.560 --> 0:07:13.520 generally evaluating to respond in a way that's only going 0:07:13.560 --> 0:07:17.200 to have the opinion of something that you've experienced, because 0:07:17.240 --> 0:07:19.040 you're going to make it as close to something you've 0:07:19.080 --> 0:07:21.480 experienced as possible, even if it's not that exact thing, 0:07:21.800 --> 0:07:23.080 because I feel like that's just like the way the 0:07:23.160 --> 0:07:30.280 human brain works realistening. So I always I battle with 0:07:30.320 --> 0:07:32.520 that because like that's kind of like how we how 0:07:32.560 --> 0:07:33.720 we engage in conversation. 0:07:34.440 --> 0:07:36.160 No, I know, I think I think it's I'm not 0:07:36.200 --> 0:07:38.200 saying don't do it, but I think I think the 0:07:38.280 --> 0:07:41.880 person who is the listener also has to have discernment on. 0:07:41.840 --> 0:07:43.160 Who they're sharing this with. 0:07:43.360 --> 0:07:45.800 So like if they know that someone is really impressionable 0:07:46.120 --> 0:07:49.600 and highly influenced, then like, if you really want this 0:07:49.640 --> 0:07:51.680 person to make their own choices and own decisions not 0:07:51.760 --> 0:07:55.200 based on your said experience, that is maybe similar, but 0:07:55.400 --> 0:07:59.320 also everyone's circumstances are different than having the discernment, because 0:07:59.360 --> 0:08:01.600 I know, like there's been times where I've shared things 0:08:01.600 --> 0:08:05.280 with people that I that I feel like my sharing 0:08:05.280 --> 0:08:09.480 discernment was not on point or like irresponsible, and that 0:08:09.520 --> 0:08:12.600 person made a choice that because I said, this is 0:08:12.600 --> 0:08:14.000 what happened to me and this is what I would 0:08:14.040 --> 0:08:14.760 have done. 0:08:14.720 --> 0:08:17.360 Was that the right choice for them? Maybe maybe not? 0:08:17.760 --> 0:08:20.600 You know, like, I think we're also in a society 0:08:20.640 --> 0:08:24.840 that like is because we're so and this is just 0:08:24.840 --> 0:08:29.200 in relationships, because we're so we have so many options 0:08:29.240 --> 0:08:34.679 and we're overstimulated. We're quick to just say fuck it, 0:08:34.960 --> 0:08:37.240 you know, like this isn't serving me. I've definitely been 0:08:37.240 --> 0:08:39.679 in that relation. I've definitely been in that space a lot, 0:08:40.080 --> 0:08:42.880 especially early on in the podcast where when I was 0:08:42.880 --> 0:08:44.400 first dating, where it's like it's not work, it's not 0:08:44.440 --> 0:08:46.040 serving me, it's not serving me, it's not serving me. 0:08:46.200 --> 0:08:49.640 And I've been in relationships where I'm like, okay, and 0:08:50.040 --> 0:08:52.400 maybe you can speak to this even more because you're engaged, 0:08:52.400 --> 0:08:54.040 you've been in a long term relationship, and you're gonna 0:08:54.040 --> 0:08:57.000 get married. There's there has definitely been instances, I'm sure 0:08:57.000 --> 0:08:59.439 in your relationship that maybe you didn't feel like we're 0:08:59.480 --> 0:09:01.600 serving you at the time. But are you gonna leave 0:09:01.640 --> 0:09:04.000 your relationship because it's not serving you in that moment 0:09:04.360 --> 0:09:07.480 or are there other things in the relationship foundationally that 0:09:07.520 --> 0:09:11.199 are sustaining you there where this thing that is not 0:09:11.240 --> 0:09:13.680 serving at the moment is not going to break up 0:09:13.720 --> 0:09:14.559 your relationship. 0:09:14.920 --> 0:09:17.760 Yeah, that's why I said the thing about discernment. But honestly, 0:09:17.880 --> 0:09:20.520 this is another thing I feel okay in this relationship. 0:09:21.080 --> 0:09:23.520 Of course, things are there's gonna be things that bother 0:09:23.640 --> 0:09:25.600 me and things and I'm like, fuck this, nigga, fuck 0:09:25.600 --> 0:09:26.040 all this shit. 0:09:26.040 --> 0:09:26.839 I'm blowing it up. 0:09:27.640 --> 0:09:31.680 But at my coreus core, I'm never leaving Orlando, and 0:09:31.720 --> 0:09:34.079 I know that there's nothing anyone could tell me, even 0:09:34.160 --> 0:09:35.520 I think I told one of our friends you just 0:09:35.559 --> 0:09:37.360 got off the phone with and they's like, are you 0:09:37.480 --> 0:09:38.080 going to break up? 0:09:38.080 --> 0:09:40.440 And I was like, no, nigga, I'm just telling you 0:09:40.480 --> 0:09:40.960 a story. 0:09:41.480 --> 0:09:45.440 So I think I've never I've never been in a 0:09:45.480 --> 0:09:47.719 relationship where I've said that or you said it's not 0:09:47.760 --> 0:09:49.760 serving me. No, I've never been in a relationship where 0:09:49.800 --> 0:09:53.439 I've said no, I'm not gonna leave you. And I've 0:09:53.480 --> 0:09:58.520 never been so clear about a relationship that doesn't matter 0:09:58.600 --> 0:10:01.640 what happens that I know I'm not going anywhere and 0:10:01.679 --> 0:10:04.120 he's not going anywhere like that. It's never in my 0:10:04.200 --> 0:10:07.440 friend obviously, in my like my fantasy mind, I'm leaving. 0:10:07.240 --> 0:10:09.720 Him, But I well, I don't want to assume. 0:10:10.480 --> 0:10:13.640 Would you say that part of that is not just 0:10:13.720 --> 0:10:15.920 because you came to that, or part of that is 0:10:15.960 --> 0:10:18.559 because Orlando won't let you leave. 0:10:18.400 --> 0:10:20.040 Not like you're not leave, but there's been times where 0:10:20.040 --> 0:10:21.920 you wanted to run away and he was like a bitch, 0:10:22.000 --> 0:10:22.440 come back. 0:10:22.840 --> 0:10:24.520 You know what I mean, Like it requires sometimes I 0:10:24.520 --> 0:10:27.360 think especially for women who we can be runners and 0:10:27.440 --> 0:10:29.400 like we like I said, there is like a very 0:10:30.000 --> 0:10:33.120 I think it's an important piece for women too, because 0:10:33.200 --> 0:10:37.080 historically women haven't left relationships that haven't served them right, 0:10:37.160 --> 0:10:40.280 Like we've overstayed and so now there's like swinging to 0:10:40.320 --> 0:10:42.079 the other side of the pendulum where bitches are like, 0:10:42.280 --> 0:10:43.880 it's also me, I'm out of out of'm mount. 0:10:43.960 --> 0:10:46.959 Marriage is ending because I'm out of out of mount. 0:10:47.080 --> 0:10:52.200 But there also is a I think a need for 0:10:52.480 --> 0:10:56.640 the other person to sustain, to say you're not leaving me. 0:10:57.040 --> 0:10:58.040 We're going to figure this out. 0:10:58.040 --> 0:10:59.800 If Orlando would have been like, all right, well fuck it, 0:10:59.800 --> 0:11:01.760 then you might have been like, all right, well fuck it. 0:11:01.760 --> 0:11:03.080 Then you know, I try to bring up with this, 0:11:03.080 --> 0:11:03.800 That's what I'm saying. 0:11:03.880 --> 0:11:06.400 So like, because you have a partner that has like 0:11:06.720 --> 0:11:10.000 pulled you back, now perhaps you have now exercised a 0:11:10.080 --> 0:11:13.640 muscle of okay, I'm not gonna leave. Like that isn't 0:11:13.679 --> 0:11:16.280 like your instinct to say. 0:11:16.280 --> 0:11:17.560 All right, well's not working. Oh you don't think it's 0:11:17.559 --> 0:11:18.440 working either, okay, cool? 0:11:18.480 --> 0:11:23.000 Peace is like that's not the stronger muscle anymore, Like 0:11:23.040 --> 0:11:25.719 the stronger muscle is I'm gonna sit here and work 0:11:25.720 --> 0:11:27.080 it out with you, because I know I have someone 0:11:27.080 --> 0:11:28.520 else that is gonna sit here and work it out 0:11:28.520 --> 0:11:30.280 with me too. I think, I think it has a 0:11:30.320 --> 0:11:33.320 lot to do, like we said, like discernment and intuition, 0:11:33.520 --> 0:11:36.599 because I see both sides, and I think generally women know, 0:11:37.200 --> 0:11:39.400 I think generally, in your heart of hearts and your 0:11:39.440 --> 0:11:42.280 gut and your intuition, you know if you should be 0:11:42.360 --> 0:11:42.920 somewhere or not. 0:11:43.040 --> 0:11:44.600 Yeah, And nine times out. 0:11:44.440 --> 0:11:48.119 Of ten it obviously your friends or your the influence 0:11:48.200 --> 0:11:51.920 or the opinions of others can like contribute to how 0:11:51.960 --> 0:11:55.520 you're feeling. But overall, I feel like bitches know when 0:11:55.520 --> 0:11:58.080 they need to get out of something, and generally that 0:11:58.280 --> 0:12:00.600 is the talent, like the thing that make some leave 0:12:00.679 --> 0:12:03.080 when our land those times in the beginning, like early on, 0:12:03.120 --> 0:12:04.520 where I was like, I'm bringing up with a landown. 0:12:04.559 --> 0:12:07.360 He was like, I'll call you back those times, Yes, 0:12:07.440 --> 0:12:09.600 those were important that he say, bitch, have a seat 0:12:10.200 --> 0:12:12.200 and moving through that and I hadn't, I hadn't had 0:12:12.200 --> 0:12:16.480 someone that I in those situations I had. I had 0:12:16.480 --> 0:12:19.400 to ask myself do I still love this person? And 0:12:19.480 --> 0:12:22.440 I did, and I couldn't. I couldn't deny the fact 0:12:22.480 --> 0:12:24.600 that I even though this shit really pissed me off, 0:12:24.679 --> 0:12:26.640 or there's things about you that I don't think I 0:12:26.640 --> 0:12:30.240 can see long term. The reassurance and then having the 0:12:30.760 --> 0:12:33.920 self awareness to ask myself, do I still love this 0:12:34.000 --> 0:12:36.280 person enough to be with them? Was what got me 0:12:36.480 --> 0:12:39.360 through those like those things. But there were times in 0:12:39.400 --> 0:12:41.600 like other relationships, where I was like, I do still 0:12:41.640 --> 0:12:43.920 love this person, and I don't want to be with them. 0:12:44.160 --> 0:12:46.559 I know that I cannot see my life with this 0:12:46.640 --> 0:12:50.920 person in this way, and I think sometimes like women, 0:12:51.040 --> 0:12:53.720 I don't know, Like for instance, like I have I 0:12:53.760 --> 0:12:56.280 have someone close to me who's been in a relationship 0:12:56.360 --> 0:13:00.920 for literally like eight years, and I sometimes feel guilty 0:13:00.960 --> 0:13:03.080 because we went on a trip together and she met 0:13:03.080 --> 0:13:06.560 this crazy ass nigga and moved him in with her 0:13:06.840 --> 0:13:09.720 and he's been there the whole time, and like I 0:13:09.760 --> 0:13:12.280 saw her kid grow eight like this is my cousin 0:13:12.679 --> 0:13:15.040 grow eight years, Like I've just seen her be in 0:13:15.040 --> 0:13:17.600 this cycle, and like I will I'm hi, it's me, 0:13:17.720 --> 0:13:20.040 I'll do it. I'm the friend. I'm like, hey, bitch, 0:13:20.160 --> 0:13:22.800 what's up? Because every time I see you, you're complaining 0:13:22.840 --> 0:13:27.199 and I know this person is literally clinically crazy not medicating. 0:13:27.880 --> 0:13:30.559 So I'm like, I will sometimes I feel like. 0:13:30.520 --> 0:13:34.240 I will be the voice of hey, bitch, you're wasting 0:13:34.280 --> 0:13:36.600 your life. This is you're not getting any younger. Do 0:13:36.600 --> 0:13:38.280 you want to have another kid? Because this is not it? Like, 0:13:38.360 --> 0:13:41.480 I sometimes think it's important to have a friend that's 0:13:41.520 --> 0:13:43.840 going to reiterate the shit that you said that you 0:13:43.920 --> 0:13:47.400 wanted because if it doesn't line up, and you know, 0:13:47.440 --> 0:13:49.560 and I'm sure you can attest to this too. And 0:13:49.600 --> 0:13:52.920 I think I have a sensitivity to this because I 0:13:52.960 --> 0:13:55.360 saw my mom be in a relationship for one hundred 0:13:55.440 --> 0:13:57.640 years too long and literally is just now getting a 0:13:57.720 --> 0:14:01.480 divorce at fifty, you know, eight years old, and I 0:14:01.559 --> 0:14:05.200 see how stunted her growth was. And so when I 0:14:05.280 --> 0:14:08.959 see cycles in my friends or my family, and I'm like. 0:14:09.720 --> 0:14:11.319 Hey, girl, this is crazy. 0:14:11.600 --> 0:14:15.640 What about when you hear about long term marriages that 0:14:15.920 --> 0:14:21.200 went through years of disconnection and then healing, Because like, 0:14:21.240 --> 0:14:23.520 that's what I'm saying, like where they've gone to the 0:14:23.600 --> 0:14:26.200 other side and they're happier than ever, et cetera. There 0:14:26.240 --> 0:14:29.080 probably were people in there that were like, what are 0:14:29.120 --> 0:14:31.120 you doing? You know what I'm saying and that's where, like, 0:14:31.320 --> 0:14:34.040 I think your intuition has to come into place. So 0:14:34.120 --> 0:14:35.640 the people that have stayed in those long term marriages 0:14:35.680 --> 0:14:36.360 something kept them there. 0:14:36.400 --> 0:14:39.080 Right. Well, Well, I'm also like, was it always like this? 0:14:39.720 --> 0:14:43.840 So I think I think women get into relationships and 0:14:43.880 --> 0:14:46.920 then they the same way. The same things that bothered 0:14:46.960 --> 0:14:49.000 them ten years in are the things that existed at 0:14:49.040 --> 0:14:52.200 year one, and they it was early on so it 0:14:52.240 --> 0:14:54.840 didn't bother them as much. But I feel like if 0:14:54.880 --> 0:14:57.720 when you started out, there was something suit that pulled 0:14:57.760 --> 0:15:01.080 you was super like super pulling, there was something that 0:15:01.840 --> 0:15:04.080 like grounded you into this relationship and you know who 0:15:04.080 --> 0:15:07.600 this person is, and then you fall upon disconnected time, 0:15:07.760 --> 0:15:10.160 which is inevitable. If you live with someone, you're changing, 0:15:10.200 --> 0:15:13.160 you're growing, you're working. That's inevitable. But I always come 0:15:13.200 --> 0:15:16.240 back to, well, was there ever passion? Was there ever? 0:15:16.520 --> 0:15:17.160 Intimacy? 0:15:17.560 --> 0:15:21.040 Was there ever reassurance? Like you have to ask yourself realistically, 0:15:21.040 --> 0:15:23.760 because I think women we have been so programmed to 0:15:23.760 --> 0:15:25.560 be like, oh, well this will change or this is 0:15:25.600 --> 0:15:28.400 a nice guy, when in the end, the usually the 0:15:28.400 --> 0:15:30.560 things that break you up are things that already existed 0:15:30.600 --> 0:15:31.280 that you ignored. 0:15:31.680 --> 0:15:33.160 So I think those are important things too. 0:15:33.160 --> 0:15:36.840 But again, like I think everyone should have discerned enough, 0:15:37.000 --> 0:15:39.840 like this is your relationship and your life. And I 0:15:39.880 --> 0:15:43.720 think women don't take enough responsibility for their lives and 0:15:43.720 --> 0:15:47.160 they don't realize like, bitch, this shit is short. Life 0:15:47.160 --> 0:15:48.680 could be over in a blink of an eye. So 0:15:48.880 --> 0:15:50.800 how much are you investing? I think there's such a 0:15:50.840 --> 0:15:54.000 thin line in relationships and how much because women are nurturers. 0:15:54.000 --> 0:15:58.920 We poor, we become, we grow, we water and like, 0:15:59.200 --> 0:16:03.040 so when you were when you know your power, you 0:16:03.240 --> 0:16:05.520 have to be really careful where you're pouring because you 0:16:05.560 --> 0:16:08.280 can if it's not being reciprocated, you will die in 0:16:08.320 --> 0:16:12.000 the process of growing another plant, you know. So I'm like, 0:16:12.040 --> 0:16:14.400 I'm always like, okay, let's go to the beginning. Were 0:16:14.400 --> 0:16:16.600 you getting fucked in the beginning where you're happy? You know, 0:16:16.720 --> 0:16:20.280 were you like, were these issues existing but they weren't 0:16:20.280 --> 0:16:22.280 that bad because it wasn't ten years in. So I 0:16:22.320 --> 0:16:24.680 just think there's a level of like honesty, like brutal 0:16:24.680 --> 0:16:27.520 honesty you have to have with yourself that sometimes women, 0:16:27.680 --> 0:16:30.000 for some reason, we're just people pleasing or whatever. 0:16:30.120 --> 0:16:31.600 We're giving people the benefit of the doubt. 0:16:31.880 --> 0:16:34.320 We just tend not to have, But I don't believe 0:16:34.320 --> 0:16:37.760 in running, but I do believe in Like, I know 0:16:37.840 --> 0:16:40.520 a lot of bitches right now in my friend's circle. 0:16:40.840 --> 0:16:42.320 I wish I could say their names and call those 0:16:42.320 --> 0:16:45.960 hoes out, but that have are just in ridiculous cycles, 0:16:46.080 --> 0:16:47.600 and I'm like, what are you doing? 0:16:48.240 --> 0:16:49.240 What the fuck are you doing? 0:16:49.280 --> 0:16:51.240 Like and I and I and I have balance because 0:16:51.400 --> 0:16:53.480 I have a best friend calls me every other week 0:16:53.520 --> 0:16:57.280 with the same shit, and I'm like, mm hmm, you 0:16:57.320 --> 0:16:58.680 said this. You know you said this last week. You 0:16:58.720 --> 0:17:00.000 know you said you gon to leave them aon line. 0:17:00.160 --> 0:17:02.520 Oh he's back over, Okay, Well, well what do you 0:17:02.560 --> 0:17:02.880 say this? 0:17:02.960 --> 0:17:03.120 Then? 0:17:03.480 --> 0:17:05.560 I'm patient, but I'm always going to be like, you 0:17:05.600 --> 0:17:07.720 know you said this last week and the week before that. 0:17:07.840 --> 0:17:10.439 Are you tired yet? I'm always gonna I try to 0:17:10.440 --> 0:17:12.000 put the court the ball in their court? 0:17:12.040 --> 0:17:12.440 Are you telling? 0:17:12.480 --> 0:17:13.959 Are you tired of this yet? Because this is what 0:17:14.000 --> 0:17:15.920 you you. I'm going to repeat back to me what 0:17:16.080 --> 0:17:19.240 you told me, just for clarity in March, and then 0:17:19.280 --> 0:17:22.440 in April, and then again in June a long more 0:17:22.480 --> 0:17:24.879 time in August you said, you know, and I think 0:17:24.920 --> 0:17:28.840 it's important to like not insert yourself, but to reiterate 0:17:28.920 --> 0:17:29.920 what people are telling you. 0:17:30.080 --> 0:17:31.800 Yeah, no, I think that's what friend I think that's 0:17:31.800 --> 0:17:33.200 what friendships are for. 0:17:33.720 --> 0:17:35.760 But also, do you feel like you talk like. 0:17:37.240 --> 0:17:38.960 I feel like women have a problem of telling the 0:17:39.000 --> 0:17:43.800 bad things but not the good things, Like if you're 0:17:43.840 --> 0:17:45.920 like like like they're always talking about the bad step 0:17:45.960 --> 0:17:47.960