Speaker 1: Hello, l Espero, Kistan Muibian, Welcome to another episode of
Speaker 1: Cheeks and Chill. I'm your host cheek Ease, and today
Speaker 1: we're going to be talking about a very heavy topic,
Speaker 1: sexual abuse. We should note that if you find this
Speaker 1: topic triggering, you'll want to skip this episode and check
Speaker 1: out one of the other ones. Sexual abuse is something
Speaker 1: I've talked about, but I want to dive into it
Speaker 1: a little deeper here on my podcast. I'm going to
Speaker 1: be sharing my experience with it, how it's affected me,
Speaker 1: and how I've managed to move forward with my life. So,
Speaker 1: without further ado, let's get into this week's episode of
Speaker 1: cheek Ease and Chill. Okay, guys, this is a pretty
Speaker 1: hard topic to talk about. UM. I have been open
Speaker 1: about being sexually abused by by my father, my biological father.
Speaker 1: I've never really talked about it in detail. I've written
Speaker 1: about it in my book Better On, but again not
Speaker 1: even I didn't go that deep into detail. I've said
Speaker 1: it over and over again, guys. I want to share
Speaker 1: my experiences to hopefully help others. That's why I share
Speaker 1: so much. That's why I'm so open. I'm so transparent.
Speaker 1: I write books because I feel like the only way
Speaker 1: to help others is by being honest. I was actually
Speaker 1: abused by my father the first time. I remember, I
Speaker 1: was eight years old, and I'll never forget this day
Speaker 1: because at that time, we were living with my dad,
Speaker 1: my sister Jackie, Mikey, and I and what we were
Speaker 1: going to do was live with dad six months out
Speaker 1: of the year and see my mom on the weekends,
Speaker 1: and then the other half of the year we were
Speaker 1: going to live with my mom and then see my
Speaker 1: dad on the weekends. So that was something that we
Speaker 1: had or my parents had decided when they separated, and
Speaker 1: my mom was really focused on on working and doing
Speaker 1: real estate, so we had decided that we were going
Speaker 1: to live with dad. First. I say we because my
Speaker 1: mom did ask me and I said, okay, that's fine. Again,
Speaker 1: during this time, there was never an issue, I mean
Speaker 1: because we lived with my dad and my mom, and yes,
Speaker 1: I grew up saying a lot going on in my household.
Speaker 1: There was domestic violence um in our home. So I
Speaker 1: I personally did feel it was sad when my dad left,
Speaker 1: but I did feel that it was the best decision
Speaker 1: because they were just unhappy and they were always arguing
Speaker 1: and I didn't have a problem with my dad. If anything,
Speaker 1: I had a really close relationship with both my parents.
Speaker 1: So when we lived with my dad, we were living
Speaker 1: in a two bedroom apartment with his sister, and I
Speaker 1: remember my dad had this blue bumtom bed and it
Speaker 1: was a twin bed on the top and then on
Speaker 1: the bottom it was a queen and we all slept.
Speaker 1: My brother Mikey slept on the top, and then my
Speaker 1: dad and my sister Jackie and I slept on the
Speaker 1: bottom butt And then things started happening, stuff that I
Speaker 1: was I was not aware. We're wrong at the time,
Speaker 1: to be honest, in my house, this is another thing
Speaker 1: that I want to talk about. My mom didn't talk
Speaker 1: about sex with us. With me, it was a taboo.
Speaker 1: It was something you don't talk about, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean. And I didn't know. I didn't know what
Speaker 1: sex was. I just knew that I had in between
Speaker 1: my legs and I had to wash it, and that's
Speaker 1: all I knew. And again, guys, I'm going to be
Speaker 1: try to be kind of vague, but I'm gonna I'm
Speaker 1: gonna be straight up here, you know, So we're gonna
Speaker 1: cut it. So that's all I really knew. When I
Speaker 1: would wake up in the middle of the night and
Speaker 1: my dad's hands where we're in my panties, I was
Speaker 1: just like, I didn't know. I I honestly was just shocked.
Speaker 1: I wasn't sure. I know it felt uncomfortable, but I
Speaker 1: didn't know it was wrong. As weird as that sounds,
Speaker 1: I felt it was a form of him showing me affection.
Speaker 1: It was always I was always I would always wake
Speaker 1: up to this. I mean it happened more often than not,
Speaker 1: and that was always at night. Now, one time I
Speaker 1: was eight years old and I was still living with him,
Speaker 1: we went to the beach and it was a beach day,
Speaker 1: and my cousins went and my aunt went, and it was,
Speaker 1: you know, a beach day. It was on the weekend,
Speaker 1: and my sister, Jackie and I. I'll never forget that
Speaker 1: day because Jackie almost drowned that day. I remember my
Speaker 1: dad was off flirting with some girl and I was
Speaker 1: left with my sister, my baby sister, she was four
Speaker 1: years old at the time. We were holding hands and
Speaker 1: we were kind of just playing in the water, and
Speaker 1: then a big wave came and took Jackie literally out
Speaker 1: of my hand, and I just remember watching her and
Speaker 1: she was like in this little churnado of water. I
Speaker 1: don't know what to call it. And she was just
Speaker 1: like going around in circles right before my eyes, and
Speaker 1: I was yelling and I was like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: what do I do. My dad was over there learning
Speaker 1: with some girls, and my cousin, who was a little
Speaker 1: older than me, went into the ocean and rescued my
Speaker 1: sister from there. It was like beach day was over.
Speaker 1: We went back home. Everyone was scared, and my dad
Speaker 1: sent me to go shower. And it was during the day.
Speaker 1: It was like I must have been like three pm,
Speaker 1: four pm, something like that, and he said, you know,
Speaker 1: go shower. And I remember saying okay, because Jackie and
Speaker 1: I would shower together. And he said, no, no no, she
Speaker 1: has she's going to eat. You. Go ahead and shower.
Speaker 1: And I was like, okay. So I went to shower,
Speaker 1: and a few minutes later, I was taking off my
Speaker 1: clothes and you know, because we were all sandy, you know,
Speaker 1: the sand everywhere. He walks into into the into the
Speaker 1: bathroom and he starts kind of getting addressed and he's
Speaker 1: like in his boxers and I'm about to get in
Speaker 1: the shower and he's like, no, no no, hold on. He
Speaker 1: sits on the on the toilet, closes the lid of
Speaker 1: the toilet. Of course it's on the toilet, and then says,
Speaker 1: sit on my lap. So I did, and that's when
Speaker 1: I just started feeling pressure down there, and I remember
Speaker 1: just screaming and saying no, and I was started crying
Speaker 1: and I just he says okay. He was like, you know, yeah,
Speaker 1: you get in the shower. So I got in the
Speaker 1: shower and I was just crying and I just like
Speaker 1: cornered myself and he came into the shower with me
Speaker 1: and just said, you know, don't worry. And he even said,
Speaker 1: you know the way at the end, it am on
Speaker 1: that a Mexico. We mean a Mexico. And I was
Speaker 1: like what so of course I'm eight years old, and
Speaker 1: I'm like I don't want to I'm not and I
Speaker 1: just did quiet. It stopped for a little bit after that.
Speaker 1: I just knew that it hurt. I was like, something
Speaker 1: doesn't feel right. It hurts, and I'm like, okay, something's weird.
Speaker 1: So I just started telling my mom, Mom, I don't
Speaker 1: want to live with dad anymore. It had been like
Speaker 1: a couple of months and I was like, Mom, every weekend,
Speaker 1: I don't want to go back to my dad's my
Speaker 1: my aunt. I would say, she's mean to us, she's
Speaker 1: mean to us. Can we just stay with you? And
Speaker 1: I begged her so much that finally she's like, Okay, fine, fine,
Speaker 1: you'll just live with me and you'll go see your
Speaker 1: dad on the weekends. And I had to find any
Speaker 1: excuse for a long time because I was scared, you know,
Speaker 1: not to go to my dad's house. And I would
Speaker 1: always sleep next to him when we would go because
Speaker 1: I didn't want Jackie to sleep next him because I
Speaker 1: was worried. I'm like, okay, what if he's doing that
Speaker 1: to her? And I never said anything when I realized
Speaker 1: that it was wrong. But something was weird was when
Speaker 1: I was ten years old because kids at school, I
Speaker 1: was like in fifth grade. Then they started talking about
Speaker 1: sex and kissing and boys and all this stuff. Mind you,
Speaker 1: I had been going to church, so I was very
Speaker 1: like into religion, Christianity with my grandma and my mom.
Speaker 1: She would go to church every Sunday. So at school
Speaker 1: is when you start hearing all these things from other kids.
Speaker 1: And I had a best friend at the time. Her
Speaker 1: name was Vanessa, and she was very very advanced, you know,
Speaker 1: I was. I was a little bit more innocent, I
Speaker 1: could say, because again I was in church, and we
Speaker 1: didn't talk about those things in my in my household,
Speaker 1: about sex and about all these things and about kissing,
Speaker 1: about all this stuff. So I started learning about this
Speaker 1: from my friend Vanessa in school and I was like,
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, like that sex, like when we started
Speaker 1: talking about it and you know, and kissing and touching
Speaker 1: and all this stuff, you know, it was just it
Speaker 1: was crazy. And I remember telling her. I was the
Speaker 1: first person I ever told was my friend Vanessa, and
Speaker 1: I told her, well, you know, I think something's going
Speaker 1: on because my dad does this and he touched as
Speaker 1: me and all this stuff. And she was like, oh
Speaker 1: my gosh, you have to tell someone. And I'm like no, no, no,
Speaker 1: no no. I was so scared. I was like, no ways,
Speaker 1: it is gonna send me to Mexico and I'm never
Speaker 1: gonna see you. I'm never gonna see my mom, my
Speaker 1: brother and sister. I was so scared, and I never
Speaker 1: said anything, and she promised me that she would never
Speaker 1: say anything, and I didn't say anything. I think I
Speaker 1: was ten years old when I told my aunt Rosie,
Speaker 1: who was also sexually molested by my by my dad.
Speaker 1: The reason I told Rosie was because Rosie had this
Speaker 1: thing with me, like she was always kind of like
Speaker 1: upset and I didn't understand. I was like, why is
Speaker 1: she always mad? And it always felt like she was
Speaker 1: mad at me? And I always just wanted to be
Speaker 1: cool and hang out with her and her friends, you know.
Speaker 1: And she was four years older than me. So one
Speaker 1: day I just said, since I had already known, Okay,
Speaker 1: what's happening with my dad is wrong and it's weird,
Speaker 1: because I talked to Vanessa and Vanessa told me and
Speaker 1: she confirmed it to me. My friend Vanessa, remember, I
Speaker 1: just said it one day to her. We were in
Speaker 1: my grandpa's office and I told her straight out. I said,
Speaker 1: I know why you hate my dad so much. Because
Speaker 1: she would talk really bad about my dad and she's like, oh,
Speaker 1: your dad's here, your dad's here, and like she would
Speaker 1: be like, you know, she would just make comments, just
Speaker 1: negative comments. And finally I just told her, I said,
Speaker 1: I know why you hate my dad so much? And
Speaker 1: she said, oh, tell me, why do you Why do
Speaker 1: I hate him. Let's see what do you have to say?
Speaker 1: And I said, because he does to me what he
Speaker 1: did to you. Where I got that from? I have
Speaker 1: no idea where I got the balls to even tell
Speaker 1: her that. And she just like because her feet were
Speaker 1: up on my grandpa's desk and then they just dropped
Speaker 1: and she looked at me. She came up and she's like,
Speaker 1: how do you know that? And I'm like, I don't know.
Speaker 1: I just know. I said, because that's why you hate
Speaker 1: him so much. And she just started crying and she's like,
Speaker 1: does it still happen? And I'm like no, And at
Speaker 1: that time I wasn't lying because it stopped. It had stopped,
Speaker 1: and she started dating like his his now wife, and
Speaker 1: it kind of just subsided a little bit, and I said, no,
Speaker 1: it's not anymore. She said, we gotta tell mom, we
Speaker 1: gotta tell your mom. We gotta tell and I'm like, no,
Speaker 1: I'm scared. I don't want to tell her. I'm scared,
Speaker 1: Like I'm scared, like what if my mom. I always
Speaker 1: thought my mom was going to kill him and then
Speaker 1: he's going to be in jail and I was gonna
Speaker 1: be in jail and he's gonna be dead, like where
Speaker 1: am I going to be? Where am I going to live?
Speaker 1: And they're a was just like, okay, fine, I won't
Speaker 1: say anything, but if it ever happens again, you better
Speaker 1: tell me, and we have to tell. And I said okay,
Speaker 1: and I promised her and then started up again and
Speaker 1: I never said anything because I was so scared. Now
Speaker 1: my whole point was sharing this, you guys. It's because
Speaker 1: for a long time. Of course, I was quiet about
Speaker 1: it since I was eight years old till I was twelve.
Speaker 1: It really did affect me in school. I could not
Speaker 1: concentrate in school, my grades. I I was not held back,
Speaker 1: but I was in s RP. I don't remember. It
Speaker 1: was like a special program because I was delayed in reading,
Speaker 1: ing in my math, and I had to like be
Speaker 1: pulled out of class and it was like the special
Speaker 1: program of like five children that would get like special
Speaker 1: just education one on one with the teacher because I
Speaker 1: was so delayed. And it was because of all this
Speaker 1: thing that I was caring. I was caring this at
Speaker 1: such a young age, not telling anybody about it, and
Speaker 1: I felt the shame of like I felt dirty. I
Speaker 1: felt like, oh my goodness, I'm I'm dirty. That's all
Speaker 1: I can really explain it, you know. That's how That's
Speaker 1: the only way I can explain it. Yeah, Rosie knew,
Speaker 1: and yes, my friend Vanessa, who was no longer my
Speaker 1: friend at that time, because when I moved from Long
Speaker 1: Beach to Compton, I didn't see her anymore, you know,
Speaker 1: so we lost touch and I just didn't speak. I
Speaker 1: wasn't that close to Rosie like that to like tell
Speaker 1: her it to happen again. So I just really kept
Speaker 1: it inside for a long time. Anyways, finally when it
Speaker 1: came up. It was always something I thought I was
Speaker 1: never going to talk about. When it did come out,
Speaker 1: I was twelve years old. And the reason it came
Speaker 1: out was because we were at church and Rosie was
Speaker 1: she was sixteen years old at this time, and there
Speaker 1: was a prophet praying for her, and she was very
Speaker 1: depressed and she was going through her own stuff. She
Speaker 1: would always spend a lot of time in her room,
Speaker 1: and of course I kind of knew, I'm like, okay, well,
Speaker 1: my dad has a lot to do with it. She
Speaker 1: was just very depressed and she my grandma had a
Speaker 1: lot of issues with her. So when we went to
Speaker 1: church and this prophet prayed for her. That came up.
Speaker 1: It came up in like when he was praying, He's like, Okay,
Speaker 1: the reason she has sadness over her because she has
Speaker 1: been sexually abused. And I remember just watching I was
Speaker 1: freaking twelve years old at church watching everything that was happening.
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh my gosh, here it is. God is
Speaker 1: bringing it out. That's really what I thought. And I
Speaker 1: ran to the bathroom and I got on my knees
Speaker 1: and I was like, God, please, please, please don't let
Speaker 1: this come out. Please God, Like I don't know what
Speaker 1: I'm gonna do. And I was just crying, crying and
Speaker 1: crying and silence. For two weeks after that day, no
Speaker 1: one talked about it. No one asked Rosie about it,
Speaker 1: until one day I was at the librarian Long Beach.
Speaker 1: I would always ask my mom to go to library,
Speaker 1: and it was kind of like our babysitter. We would
Speaker 1: just stay there and like hang out and do our
Speaker 1: homework and everything with my my my sister and my
Speaker 1: and my cousins and stuff. So one day we were
Speaker 1: at the library was a normal day. I thought, Okay, well,
Speaker 1: maybe they're not going to talk about it. Anymore, maybe
Speaker 1: it's not gonna come out. And my the m when
Speaker 1: my theast picked me up and said, hey, why are
Speaker 1: you picking us up so early? Mom said you were
Speaker 1: gonna come at five, they're gonna pick up. No, your
Speaker 1: mom said that we need to get you now. We
Speaker 1: need to pick you guys up. We gotta go. And
Speaker 1: I saw it in her face. I swear. I sat
Speaker 1: in the back seat and I said, oh my goodness,
Speaker 1: I felt it. I've always been so intuitive since I
Speaker 1: was little, and I remember just saying I said, oh
Speaker 1: my goodness, today's the day I felt it. I saw
Speaker 1: it in my aunt's face. I said, something is happening.
Speaker 1: And so we get to my uncle's office and my
Speaker 1: mom's pregnant from Jessica. This was my mom's pregnant from Jensica,
Speaker 1: and her mascara is just smeared. I walked in and
Speaker 1: I was like, I just started crying and I knew.
Speaker 1: I said she knows, and she said, come your baby
Speaker 1: to grab my hand, and she said, is there something
Speaker 1: you have to tell me? And I was like, I
Speaker 1: just cried. I said yes, And she asked me, is
Speaker 1: it true? Does your dad? Has your dad done this
Speaker 1: to you? And I said yes, and she cried and
Speaker 1: she held me and it was just it was horrible.
Speaker 1: The cops came, Rosie was there, and Rosie just said,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I had to tell them.
Speaker 1: I just remember her looking at me and she was like,
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry. I just I had to, Like they
Speaker 1: asked me and I said, it's okay. But from that day,
Speaker 1: I swear to you, I felt, yes, I was sad
Speaker 1: and I was like, oh my goodness, like everyone knows
Speaker 1: and what are they going to think of me? And
Speaker 1: like I just felt really party. But I felt like
Speaker 1: I just felt like I could breathe, and I didn't
Speaker 1: know what was going to happen. I was like, what's
Speaker 1: gonna happen with my dad? And I was Weirdly enough,
Speaker 1: I was scared for him. Because this is what a
Speaker 1: lot of people want to understand. I have seen comments
Speaker 1: on social media like Jeki's how could you forgive your
Speaker 1: dad after what he did to you? The crazy thing
Speaker 1: is my dad was a good dad. I know that
Speaker 1: sounds crazy, but he was. He was a type of
Speaker 1: dad that would sit me down and talk to me.
Speaker 1: He taught me how to wash clothes, He taught me
Speaker 1: how to fold it like he was like, if I
Speaker 1: got in trouble, he'd be one to just talk to
Speaker 1: me and make me understand things. And he cooked for us,
Speaker 1: and he was It was just a different vibe at
Speaker 1: my dad's house. During the day. He was a great dad.
Speaker 1: It was at night that things got weird. But I
Speaker 1: have pretty nice memories with my dad. He's the one
Speaker 1: that taught me about Manna, about Anna Gabriel, about Shakira,
Speaker 1: like a lot of music that I love now is
Speaker 1: because of him. And it was a weird situation because
Speaker 1: when it came out, I said, Wow, this means I'm
Speaker 1: never going to see my dad ever again. And I
Speaker 1: felt bad for my siblings, you know, especially for Jackie
Speaker 1: and Mikey, because they were so close to him. And
Speaker 1: it was this thing that I was always scared to
Speaker 1: go see him on the weekends, but we always did
Speaker 1: something fun, you know. I just wasn't sure if that
Speaker 1: weekend at night something was going to happen, you know.
Speaker 1: But it was such a weird thing. And the weird
Speaker 1: thing is that this happened on September when the truth
Speaker 1: came out and we were supposed to stay quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet.
Speaker 1: Weren't supposed to say anything or alarm my dad because
Speaker 1: we were afraid that he was going to go on
Speaker 1: the run. So when we got the cops and they
Speaker 1: took my report, they took rosies report. We went to
Speaker 1: so many doctors appointments, they checked us to confirm everything,
Speaker 1: and it was it was crazy. They sent me to
Speaker 1: therapy and we did family therapy. Oh while my dad
Speaker 1: was just like, Hey, I need to pick of my kids,
Speaker 1: and my mom would just make excuses, Oh, we gotta go,
Speaker 1: we we gotta go out of town because the detectives
Speaker 1: had said, don't say anything. So we kept it quiet
Speaker 1: all the way until October thirty one on Halloween, because
Speaker 1: he was like, I'm supposed to have the kids this Halloween.
Speaker 1: Now you're playing dumb and this whole thing. And my
Speaker 1: mom was pregnant and she couldn't sleep. I remember waking up,
Speaker 1: you guys, and my mom was dude huge from Jessica.
Speaker 1: I'd wake up to get a glass of water. I'd
Speaker 1: hear her crying and she'd have a big knife in
Speaker 1: her hand like ready, like sitting like from front of
Speaker 1: the door on this on this green couch that we
Speaker 1: had and This was our house in Compton, so it
Speaker 1: was a smaller home. And I would wake up and
Speaker 1: I'd hear her crying, and she'd just have a big
Speaker 1: knife in her hand, like he's coming, he's coming for us,
Speaker 1: and I'm ready, I'm going to kill him, and like
Speaker 1: she was, she was kind of going crazy. And this
Speaker 1: that was part of my fear of telling her. I
Speaker 1: know my mom. I was like my mom honestly, because
Speaker 1: if she hadn't been pregnant from Jessica, I don't know
Speaker 1: what my mom would have done. I have no idea
Speaker 1: what she would have done. And it was so it
Speaker 1: was such a difficult time. So finally, when October game,
Speaker 1: which is Halloween of that same year, my mom knows
Speaker 1: how You're not going to see my kids anymore. You're
Speaker 1: never going to see my kids anymore because I know
Speaker 1: what you did to my sister and to my daughter.
Speaker 1: That's all she said. And on the other end, I
Speaker 1: was standing right in front of her when she was
Speaker 1: having this conversation, he said, and then my mom said
Speaker 1: elas dango and he hung up. She calls a detective.
Speaker 1: This was like at seven pm at night. She calls
Speaker 1: the detective and says, hey, I'm sorry, but I told
Speaker 1: him I couldn't anymore. You guys have to go find him.
Speaker 1: They said, okay, we'll handle it in the morning. There's
Speaker 1: too much going on. There's a lot of cops and everything.
Speaker 1: They needed them out because it was Halloween. So they
Speaker 1: go at nine o'clock in the morning the next day
Speaker 1: on November one, and he was gone. Gone. My dad
Speaker 1: was gone. He disappeared. Everything was gone from the house
Speaker 1: he disappeared for. He was on the run for ten years.
Speaker 1: You guys, there's so much more to this story, and
Speaker 1: I feel like, one day I want to really just
Speaker 1: dive deep into what happened. It was a lot because
Speaker 1: even going through the trial ten years later when he
Speaker 1: was caught and having to relive everything for an entire year.
Speaker 1: I was on the stand talking about details, and they
Speaker 1: try to trick you when they do the cross examination
Speaker 1: and they're like, okay, well you set on your report this,
Speaker 1: and I was like, no, I didn't say that. I
Speaker 1: said this. So it was crazy because here I am engaged,
Speaker 1: my uncle's, my grandpa, my mom, my stepdad, everyone's in
Speaker 1: this courtroom and I'm talking about my experience. I was
Speaker 1: so embarrassed of having to say the details of everything
Speaker 1: that I was like, even I had never really talked
Speaker 1: about it with my fiance at that time, and he
Speaker 1: was there listening to everything. So it was very hard.
Speaker 1: But the reason I wanted to talk about this topic
Speaker 1: and I wanted to share my story with you guys,
Speaker 1: is because this happens a lot, especially especially in our community,
Speaker 1: in our land community, and it is a tab boo
Speaker 1: and it is something that it's kind of like, Okay,
Speaker 1: they try to just brush it under the rug. And
Speaker 1: I am so grateful for my mom that she believed me.
Speaker 1: She didn't question me. As soon as I told her,
Speaker 1: she was like, Okay, this is what we're gonna do.
Speaker 1: And she did everything that she could to try to
Speaker 1: catch him, to put him in jail. And and that's
Speaker 1: what I want the listeners, people that have gone through it,
Speaker 1: that haven't talked about it, people that are going through it.
Speaker 1: You have to tell someone, you have to get help,
Speaker 1: you have to go to therapy, you have to talk
Speaker 1: about it, because if you carry this in your heart,
Speaker 1: in your mind for X amount of years, it's going
Speaker 1: to make you sick. It's going to make you bitter.
Speaker 1: And when I mean sick. Literally, when we hold these things,
Speaker 1: these secrets, in our bodies, they become illnesses, they become diseases,
Speaker 1: and it can even become cancer. I mean literally, I
Speaker 1: truly believe that, and I know that the moment I
Speaker 1: let it out. When I was twelve years old, I
Speaker 1: started doing better in school, I was able to focus.
Speaker 1: Things just started changing for me and I felt like, oh,
Speaker 1: I could breathe, I could live my life a little bit,
Speaker 1: you know, And for a long time. Yeah, well you know,
Speaker 1: from eight to twelve. It's not alone, but it was
Speaker 1: really affecting me. So mothers out there that if your
Speaker 1: child comes to you and tells you this is happening,
Speaker 1: please please take them to the doctor. Please go check.
Speaker 1: Please don't just brush it under the rug. You have
Speaker 1: to listen to your child that is telling you something.
Speaker 1: And if you're going through it, and let's say your
Speaker 1: parents are, don't believe you, speak to somebody. It's okay.
Speaker 1: Sometimes people are so stuck in their ways that they
Speaker 1: don't want to believe something because it's too painful, because
Speaker 1: it's too much too to confront. But go find someone,
Speaker 1: a friend that's going to listen to you. Find a therapist,
Speaker 1: a counselor a life coach for you to just let
Speaker 1: this out in the open, and it's going to help
Speaker 1: you so much. And forget nous. That's another thing forgiving
Speaker 1: the person the abuser, forgive them even if they don't
Speaker 1: ask for forgiveness. My father has never admitted to it.
Speaker 1: For a long time, he called me a liar, and
Speaker 1: that hurt. Even before the truth came out, he would
Speaker 1: tell my mom and just to kind of plant that
Speaker 1: scene in her head so if it ever came out,
Speaker 1: she wouldn't believe me. But thank god, my mom believed me,
Speaker 1: never questioned me, and she never allowed me to feel
Speaker 1: like a victim and said, no, we're going to get
Speaker 1: you help and you're not. You are not what happened
Speaker 1: to you. And I've had that so like present in
Speaker 1: my mind, and I'm so grateful for my mother for that.
Speaker 1: I don't know what I would have done if she
Speaker 1: didn't believe me, if she wouldn't have helped me, But
Speaker 1: she also taught me to forgive. And I know she
Speaker 1: blamed herself a lot, like what could I have done
Speaker 1: differently as a mother for this not to happen? And
Speaker 1: I wish that I could tell her it's not your fault.
Speaker 1: There's are just things that happen, you know, those are
Speaker 1: just things that that happened. And now I see I'm like, okay,
Speaker 1: why why did this happen to me? And I'm like,
Speaker 1: you know, now I'm like, okay, what happened? Because now
Speaker 1: I can use the platform God has given me, this microphone,
Speaker 1: this podcast to help other people and say, Okay, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna heal. I'm gonna be an example to help inspire
Speaker 1: and empower other people and help them heal if they've
Speaker 1: gone through this, because it is something that happens, and
Speaker 1: it happens way too often. And I forgive my dad.
Speaker 1: I forgive him because forgiveness. And I'm going to read
Speaker 1: you guys a quote later in regards to like today,
Speaker 1: My my motivational quote is is in regards to forgiveness
Speaker 1: and how forgiveness is for for you and not for
Speaker 1: the other person, because again that's another thing. Yes, you
Speaker 1: can bring it out and then held resentment towards your abuser,
Speaker 1: but that's not going to do you any good. It's
Speaker 1: good to just release that person and leave them in
Speaker 1: God's hands. And also just that boco, you know, in
Speaker 1: regard to to therapy. When I did start therapy because
Speaker 1: of the situation, and I've gone to therapy on and
Speaker 1: off my entire life. It's helped me a lot because
Speaker 1: as you get older and as you evolve, you start realizing.
Speaker 1: For a long time, I thought, Okay, I'm I'm over that,
Speaker 1: I'm over the sexual abuse. Okay, cool, like, let's move on.
Speaker 1: But then I started realizing that I have what you
Speaker 1: call daddy issues where I was looking for a father
Speaker 1: figure or that love from from my father, that I
Speaker 1: was missing in the wrong men, being in the wrong
Speaker 1: relationships for way too long because of that. So those
Speaker 1: are things that even like me thinking okay, I'm over it, no,
Speaker 1: no, no no, like, they start resurfacing these things. And that's
Speaker 1: why it's important to speak to someone. And that's why
Speaker 1: I'm a firm believer and an advocate of therapy and
Speaker 1: counseling and really getting your feelings out there, because it
Speaker 1: makes a big difference, even if it's even if yeah,
Speaker 1: you don't want to tell your family members, you don't
Speaker 1: want to tell anyone, go to therapy, guys, go to therapy,
Speaker 1: talk to them, let this out, find the help. Don't
Speaker 1: be afraid. I know, it's scary, it's easier said than done. Yes,
Speaker 1: it might ruffle some feathers, Yes, it might cause some tension.
Speaker 1: But these people need to learn their lesson and they
Speaker 1: need to be brought to the light because if not,
Speaker 1: they're going to continue to do it. And that was
Speaker 1: my thing. I didn't want to testify. And the reason
Speaker 1: my dad is in jealous because of my testimony because
Speaker 1: some stuff had happened with my aunt. She was older
Speaker 1: when he got caught and stuff like that. So my
Speaker 1: testimony was the one that was that really put him
Speaker 1: in there, and that was hard and still it's it's
Speaker 1: hard for me to think, like, Wow, my dad is
Speaker 1: in jail because I testified against him, But I feel
Speaker 1: like I did the right thing because it's not my
Speaker 1: fault that he decided to do that, and I don't
Speaker 1: want him to do it to anyone else. And if
Speaker 1: you were to ask me for forgiveness, I've already forgiven him.
Speaker 1: But if you were to come and tell me, or
Speaker 1: if I go visit him one day in jail and
Speaker 1: he says I'm sorry and admits to it, I am like,
Speaker 1: I forgive you, I do believe and change you guys.
Speaker 1: I believe that with the right help, people can change.
Speaker 1: I choose to believe that, and I want to think
Speaker 1: that he's changed. I want to think that one day
Speaker 1: he's going to say, you know what, I'm sorry and
Speaker 1: admitted to his family, because his family, I don't think
Speaker 1: a lot of them till this day don't believe me.
Speaker 1: They thought it's something that my mom put in my
Speaker 1: head for many years, and it's not. I remember clearly
Speaker 1: everything that happened, and it does weigh and it did weigh,
Speaker 1: not not really now, but it did weigh heavy on
Speaker 1: me that I'm like, my dad is in jail for
Speaker 1: thirty one years, no chance of parole because I testified.
Speaker 1: But then I said, you know what, those are the
Speaker 1: consequences of his actions. And all I did was the
Speaker 1: correct thing, and I spoke, and I spoke my truth.
Speaker 1: And I'm hoping that I can help many people. And
Speaker 1: I believe that God has put me in this position
Speaker 1: and has given me this platform to help other people.
Speaker 1: And believe me, I know what happens a lot more
Speaker 1: often then we know that a lot of people like
Speaker 1: to admit and we have to speak about it so
Speaker 1: that it can lessen you guys, so that these things
Speaker 1: can happen less and less and less the more we
Speaker 1: come out and we speak the truth, because you know
Speaker 1: so most and we don't want that. So, guys, if
Speaker 1: someone comes and tells you this is happening to me,
Speaker 1: please believe them. Please do your best to hug them.
Speaker 1: Just give them a hug. If there's no words, hug them,
Speaker 1: let them cry in your arms, let them release. The
Speaker 1: worst thing you could tell a person when they're telling you, hey,
Speaker 1: this is happening, I'm being molested on being sexually abused,
Speaker 1: is no, that's not true. It's the worst thing that
Speaker 1: you could tell a person. Just hug them, even if
Speaker 1: there's no words. Believe them. Please and do your part.
Speaker 1: Obviously there's there's a whole process that needs to be done.
Speaker 1: That's my best advice that I can give you, guys,
Speaker 1: because my mom having the mother that I had and
Speaker 1: I didn't even question me made the biggest difference ever ever.
Speaker 1: So thank you guys so much for listening. Like I said,
Speaker 1: I hope my story helps at least one person out there.
Speaker 1: Just know you're not alone, and more than anything, know
Speaker 1: that it's not your fault. We're going to link some
Speaker 1: resources in the show notes. Okay, so make sure you
Speaker 1: look at them. And here's today's motivational quote. When I
Speaker 1: told you, guys about earlier, forgiveness isn't about the other person.
Speaker 1: It's about you. It's about your heart and your soul
Speaker 1: being at peace. It's about you healing and moving on.
Speaker 1: It's about you not letting the past hold you hostage anymore. Guys,
Speaker 1: Forgiveness is a powerful thing. I'm telling you it is.
Speaker 1: I know sometimes it's easier said than done, but trust me,
Speaker 1: forgiveness gives you the wings to fly and chase your
Speaker 1: dreams once you're not carrying that heavy load. Again. Thank you, guys,
Speaker 1: less I love you, guys. This is a production of
Speaker 1: My Heart Radio and mikel podcast Network. Follow us on
Speaker 1: Instagram at miel Podcasts and follow me chick ease that
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