WEBVTT - My Sexual Abuse Story 0:00:03.600 --> 0:00:08.440 Hello, l Espero, Kistan Muibian, Welcome to another episode of 0:00:08.560 --> 0:00:11.760 Cheeks and Chill. I'm your host cheek Ease, and today 0:00:12.400 --> 0:00:15.320 we're going to be talking about a very heavy topic, 0:00:15.960 --> 0:00:19.160 sexual abuse. We should note that if you find this 0:00:19.200 --> 0:00:22.239 topic triggering, you'll want to skip this episode and check 0:00:22.280 --> 0:00:25.840 out one of the other ones. Sexual abuse is something 0:00:25.880 --> 0:00:27.880 I've talked about, but I want to dive into it 0:00:27.920 --> 0:00:31.159 a little deeper here on my podcast. I'm going to 0:00:31.200 --> 0:00:34.559 be sharing my experience with it, how it's affected me, 0:00:34.840 --> 0:00:38.159 and how I've managed to move forward with my life. So, 0:00:38.280 --> 0:00:41.680 without further ado, let's get into this week's episode of 0:00:41.880 --> 0:00:50.840 cheek Ease and Chill. Okay, guys, this is a pretty 0:00:50.840 --> 0:00:53.480 hard topic to talk about. UM. I have been open 0:00:53.520 --> 0:00:57.600 about being sexually abused by by my father, my biological father. 0:00:58.320 --> 0:01:02.800 I've never really talked about it in detail. I've written 0:01:02.840 --> 0:01:05.080 about it in my book Better On, but again not 0:01:05.160 --> 0:01:09.120 even I didn't go that deep into detail. I've said 0:01:09.160 --> 0:01:11.080 it over and over again, guys. I want to share 0:01:11.120 --> 0:01:14.639 my experiences to hopefully help others. That's why I share 0:01:14.640 --> 0:01:17.320 so much. That's why I'm so open. I'm so transparent. 0:01:17.920 --> 0:01:21.040 I write books because I feel like the only way 0:01:21.080 --> 0:01:25.919 to help others is by being honest. I was actually 0:01:25.959 --> 0:01:32.240 abused by my father the first time. I remember, I 0:01:32.319 --> 0:01:37.440 was eight years old, and I'll never forget this day 0:01:37.480 --> 0:01:42.559 because at that time, we were living with my dad, 0:01:42.840 --> 0:01:46.959 my sister Jackie, Mikey, and I and what we were 0:01:47.000 --> 0:01:50.000 going to do was live with dad six months out 0:01:50.000 --> 0:01:52.000 of the year and see my mom on the weekends, 0:01:52.080 --> 0:01:53.560 and then the other half of the year we were 0:01:53.560 --> 0:01:54.960 going to live with my mom and then see my 0:01:55.040 --> 0:01:58.000 dad on the weekends. So that was something that we 0:01:58.080 --> 0:02:03.160 had or my parents had decided when they separated, and 0:02:03.240 --> 0:02:08.920 my mom was really focused on on working and doing 0:02:08.960 --> 0:02:11.720 real estate, so we had decided that we were going 0:02:11.760 --> 0:02:14.480 to live with dad. First. I say we because my 0:02:14.520 --> 0:02:18.880 mom did ask me and I said, okay, that's fine. Again, 0:02:18.960 --> 0:02:21.160 during this time, there was never an issue, I mean 0:02:21.200 --> 0:02:25.160 because we lived with my dad and my mom, and yes, 0:02:25.200 --> 0:02:29.400 I grew up saying a lot going on in my household. 0:02:30.360 --> 0:02:35.720 There was domestic violence um in our home. So I 0:02:35.720 --> 0:02:38.280 I personally did feel it was sad when my dad left, 0:02:38.360 --> 0:02:40.399 but I did feel that it was the best decision 0:02:41.240 --> 0:02:44.080 because they were just unhappy and they were always arguing 0:02:45.080 --> 0:02:49.440 and I didn't have a problem with my dad. If anything, 0:02:49.480 --> 0:02:52.480 I had a really close relationship with both my parents. 0:02:53.560 --> 0:02:57.160 So when we lived with my dad, we were living 0:02:57.240 --> 0:03:01.080 in a two bedroom apartment with his sister, and I 0:03:01.120 --> 0:03:04.839 remember my dad had this blue bumtom bed and it 0:03:04.880 --> 0:03:06.680 was a twin bed on the top and then on 0:03:06.680 --> 0:03:10.640 the bottom it was a queen and we all slept. 0:03:10.760 --> 0:03:12.960 My brother Mikey slept on the top, and then my 0:03:13.080 --> 0:03:15.000 dad and my sister Jackie and I slept on the 0:03:15.000 --> 0:03:18.920 bottom butt And then things started happening, stuff that I 0:03:19.000 --> 0:03:21.920 was I was not aware. We're wrong at the time, 0:03:21.960 --> 0:03:24.160 to be honest, in my house, this is another thing 0:03:24.200 --> 0:03:26.560 that I want to talk about. My mom didn't talk 0:03:26.560 --> 0:03:30.240 about sex with us. With me, it was a taboo. 0:03:30.280 --> 0:03:31.760 It was something you don't talk about, you know what 0:03:31.840 --> 0:03:34.480 I mean. And I didn't know. I didn't know what 0:03:34.560 --> 0:03:38.520 sex was. I just knew that I had in between 0:03:38.560 --> 0:03:41.720 my legs and I had to wash it, and that's 0:03:41.720 --> 0:03:43.720 all I knew. And again, guys, I'm going to be 0:03:44.560 --> 0:03:47.480 try to be kind of vague, but I'm gonna I'm 0:03:47.480 --> 0:03:49.839 gonna be straight up here, you know, So we're gonna 0:03:49.840 --> 0:03:54.880 cut it. So that's all I really knew. When I 0:03:54.920 --> 0:03:58.640 would wake up in the middle of the night and 0:04:00.720 --> 0:04:04.560 my dad's hands where we're in my panties, I was 0:04:04.640 --> 0:04:09.119 just like, I didn't know. I I honestly was just shocked. 0:04:09.760 --> 0:04:17.960 I wasn't sure. I know it felt uncomfortable, but I 0:04:18.000 --> 0:04:21.080 didn't know it was wrong. As weird as that sounds, 0:04:22.240 --> 0:04:25.920 I felt it was a form of him showing me affection. 0:04:27.480 --> 0:04:30.200 It was always I was always I would always wake 0:04:30.279 --> 0:04:33.240 up to this. I mean it happened more often than not, 0:04:34.360 --> 0:04:39.960 and that was always at night. Now, one time I 0:04:40.000 --> 0:04:42.400 was eight years old and I was still living with him, 0:04:42.600 --> 0:04:45.320 we went to the beach and it was a beach day, 0:04:45.520 --> 0:04:48.080 and my cousins went and my aunt went, and it was, 0:04:48.480 --> 0:04:49.960 you know, a beach day. It was on the weekend, 0:04:50.960 --> 0:04:53.800 and my sister, Jackie and I. I'll never forget that 0:04:53.880 --> 0:04:57.240 day because Jackie almost drowned that day. I remember my 0:04:57.320 --> 0:05:00.720 dad was off flirting with some girl and I was 0:05:00.800 --> 0:05:02.720 left with my sister, my baby sister, she was four 0:05:02.800 --> 0:05:05.200 years old at the time. We were holding hands and 0:05:05.240 --> 0:05:07.560 we were kind of just playing in the water, and 0:05:07.600 --> 0:05:10.599 then a big wave came and took Jackie literally out 0:05:10.600 --> 0:05:13.560 of my hand, and I just remember watching her and 0:05:13.640 --> 0:05:16.680 she was like in this little churnado of water. I 0:05:16.680 --> 0:05:18.760 don't know what to call it. And she was just 0:05:18.800 --> 0:05:20.719 like going around in circles right before my eyes, and 0:05:20.720 --> 0:05:21.880 I was yelling and I was like, oh my god, 0:05:21.920 --> 0:05:23.920 what do I do. My dad was over there learning 0:05:23.960 --> 0:05:27.320 with some girls, and my cousin, who was a little 0:05:27.360 --> 0:05:31.039 older than me, went into the ocean and rescued my 0:05:31.120 --> 0:05:33.600 sister from there. It was like beach day was over. 0:05:33.680 --> 0:05:37.720 We went back home. Everyone was scared, and my dad 0:05:38.040 --> 0:05:41.040 sent me to go shower. And it was during the day. 0:05:41.080 --> 0:05:42.839 It was like I must have been like three pm, 0:05:42.880 --> 0:05:45.719 four pm, something like that, and he said, you know, 0:05:45.760 --> 0:05:49.200 go shower. And I remember saying okay, because Jackie and 0:05:49.200 --> 0:05:51.000 I would shower together. And he said, no, no no, she 0:05:51.040 --> 0:05:54.240 has she's going to eat. You. Go ahead and shower. 0:05:54.279 --> 0:05:56.040 And I was like, okay. So I went to shower, 0:05:57.120 --> 0:06:01.400 and a few minutes later, I was taking off my 0:06:01.440 --> 0:06:03.320 clothes and you know, because we were all sandy, you know, 0:06:03.360 --> 0:06:08.400 the sand everywhere. He walks into into the into the 0:06:08.440 --> 0:06:12.919 bathroom and he starts kind of getting addressed and he's 0:06:12.960 --> 0:06:16.719 like in his boxers and I'm about to get in 0:06:16.720 --> 0:06:18.080 the shower and he's like, no, no no, hold on. He 0:06:18.120 --> 0:06:21.000 sits on the on the toilet, closes the lid of 0:06:21.000 --> 0:06:22.839 the toilet. Of course it's on the toilet, and then says, 0:06:22.880 --> 0:06:27.239 sit on my lap. So I did, and that's when 0:06:27.880 --> 0:06:31.760 I just started feeling pressure down there, and I remember 0:06:31.800 --> 0:06:36.200 just screaming and saying no, and I was started crying 0:06:36.200 --> 0:06:38.120 and I just he says okay. He was like, you know, yeah, 0:06:38.760 --> 0:06:40.360 you get in the shower. So I got in the 0:06:40.400 --> 0:06:44.640 shower and I was just crying and I just like 0:06:44.960 --> 0:06:47.039 cornered myself and he came into the shower with me 0:06:47.080 --> 0:06:55.880 and just said, you know, don't worry. And he even said, 0:06:55.920 --> 0:07:00.200 you know the way at the end, it am on 0:07:00.240 --> 0:07:03.320 that a Mexico. We mean a Mexico. And I was 0:07:03.360 --> 0:07:05.279 like what so of course I'm eight years old, and 0:07:05.320 --> 0:07:07.040 I'm like I don't want to I'm not and I 0:07:07.080 --> 0:07:10.240 just did quiet. It stopped for a little bit after that. 0:07:11.200 --> 0:07:12.880 I just knew that it hurt. I was like, something 0:07:12.880 --> 0:07:15.960 doesn't feel right. It hurts, and I'm like, okay, something's weird. 0:07:16.440 --> 0:07:18.200 So I just started telling my mom, Mom, I don't 0:07:18.240 --> 0:07:19.880 want to live with dad anymore. It had been like 0:07:19.880 --> 0:07:22.559 a couple of months and I was like, Mom, every weekend, 0:07:22.800 --> 0:07:24.240 I don't want to go back to my dad's my 0:07:24.240 --> 0:07:25.880 my aunt. I would say, she's mean to us, she's 0:07:25.920 --> 0:07:27.680 mean to us. Can we just stay with you? And 0:07:27.720 --> 0:07:31.280 I begged her so much that finally she's like, Okay, fine, fine, 0:07:31.320 --> 0:07:33.040 you'll just live with me and you'll go see your 0:07:33.080 --> 0:07:34.880 dad on the weekends. And I had to find any 0:07:34.920 --> 0:07:38.760 excuse for a long time because I was scared, you know, 0:07:39.200 --> 0:07:40.760 not to go to my dad's house. And I would 0:07:40.760 --> 0:07:42.800 always sleep next to him when we would go because 0:07:42.800 --> 0:07:44.400 I didn't want Jackie to sleep next him because I 0:07:44.440 --> 0:07:46.040 was worried. I'm like, okay, what if he's doing that 0:07:46.120 --> 0:07:52.440 to her? And I never said anything when I realized 0:07:52.600 --> 0:07:55.000 that it was wrong. But something was weird was when 0:07:55.040 --> 0:07:58.480 I was ten years old because kids at school, I 0:07:58.560 --> 0:08:01.360 was like in fifth grade. Then they started talking about 0:08:01.360 --> 0:08:04.840 sex and kissing and boys and all this stuff. Mind you, 0:08:04.920 --> 0:08:07.440 I had been going to church, so I was very 0:08:07.520 --> 0:08:10.800 like into religion, Christianity with my grandma and my mom. 0:08:11.080 --> 0:08:14.920 She would go to church every Sunday. So at school 0:08:14.960 --> 0:08:17.520 is when you start hearing all these things from other kids. 0:08:17.760 --> 0:08:19.520 And I had a best friend at the time. Her 0:08:19.600 --> 0:08:25.880 name was Vanessa, and she was very very advanced, you know, 0:08:26.000 --> 0:08:27.680 I was. I was a little bit more innocent, I 0:08:27.720 --> 0:08:30.280 could say, because again I was in church, and we 0:08:30.280 --> 0:08:32.280 didn't talk about those things in my in my household, 0:08:32.480 --> 0:08:34.559 about sex and about all these things and about kissing, 0:08:34.600 --> 0:08:36.920 about all this stuff. So I started learning about this 0:08:36.960 --> 0:08:39.520 from my friend Vanessa in school and I was like, 0:08:40.000 --> 0:08:42.439 oh my gosh, like that sex, like when we started 0:08:42.480 --> 0:08:45.920 talking about it and you know, and kissing and touching 0:08:46.000 --> 0:08:47.840 and all this stuff, you know, it was just it 0:08:47.880 --> 0:08:50.120 was crazy. And I remember telling her. I was the 0:08:50.200 --> 0:08:53.520 first person I ever told was my friend Vanessa, and 0:08:53.559 --> 0:08:57.520 I told her, well, you know, I think something's going 0:08:57.559 --> 0:09:00.080 on because my dad does this and he touched as 0:09:00.160 --> 0:09:02.000 me and all this stuff. And she was like, oh 0:09:02.000 --> 0:09:05.320 my gosh, you have to tell someone. And I'm like no, no, no, 0:09:05.320 --> 0:09:06.840 no no. I was so scared. I was like, no ways, 0:09:06.840 --> 0:09:08.120 it is gonna send me to Mexico and I'm never 0:09:08.120 --> 0:09:09.680 gonna see you. I'm never gonna see my mom, my 0:09:09.720 --> 0:09:14.559 brother and sister. I was so scared, and I never 0:09:14.600 --> 0:09:16.439 said anything, and she promised me that she would never 0:09:16.440 --> 0:09:18.920 say anything, and I didn't say anything. I think I 0:09:18.960 --> 0:09:21.199 was ten years old when I told my aunt Rosie, 0:09:21.240 --> 0:09:23.800 who was also sexually molested by my by my dad. 0:09:24.960 --> 0:09:27.719 The reason I told Rosie was because Rosie had this 0:09:27.880 --> 0:09:31.800 thing with me, like she was always kind of like 0:09:31.920 --> 0:09:33.760 upset and I didn't understand. I was like, why is 0:09:33.760 --> 0:09:35.480 she always mad? And it always felt like she was 0:09:35.520 --> 0:09:38.840 mad at me? And I always just wanted to be 0:09:38.960 --> 0:09:41.160 cool and hang out with her and her friends, you know. 0:09:41.200 --> 0:09:43.720 And she was four years older than me. So one 0:09:43.760 --> 0:09:45.920 day I just said, since I had already known, Okay, 0:09:45.960 --> 0:09:48.240 what's happening with my dad is wrong and it's weird, 0:09:48.920 --> 0:09:50.679 because I talked to Vanessa and Vanessa told me and 0:09:50.720 --> 0:09:53.880 she confirmed it to me. My friend Vanessa, remember, I 0:09:54.000 --> 0:09:55.600 just said it one day to her. We were in 0:09:55.640 --> 0:09:59.600 my grandpa's office and I told her straight out. I said, 0:10:00.120 --> 0:10:01.600 I know why you hate my dad so much. Because 0:10:01.600 --> 0:10:04.240 she would talk really bad about my dad and she's like, oh, 0:10:04.280 --> 0:10:06.480 your dad's here, your dad's here, and like she would 0:10:06.480 --> 0:10:08.440 be like, you know, she would just make comments, just 0:10:08.480 --> 0:10:11.480 negative comments. And finally I just told her, I said, 0:10:11.480 --> 0:10:14.080 I know why you hate my dad so much? And 0:10:14.120 --> 0:10:15.960 she said, oh, tell me, why do you Why do 0:10:16.040 --> 0:10:18.359 I hate him. Let's see what do you have to say? 0:10:18.440 --> 0:10:20.560 And I said, because he does to me what he 0:10:20.600 --> 0:10:24.080 did to you. Where I got that from? I have 0:10:24.440 --> 0:10:27.520 no idea where I got the balls to even tell 0:10:27.559 --> 0:10:30.400 her that. And she just like because her feet were 0:10:30.440 --> 0:10:32.520 up on my grandpa's desk and then they just dropped 0:10:32.520 --> 0:10:35.800 and she looked at me. She came up and she's like, 0:10:35.920 --> 0:10:38.480 how do you know that? And I'm like, I don't know. 0:10:38.559 --> 0:10:41.160 I just know. I said, because that's why you hate 0:10:41.200 --> 0:10:45.000 him so much. And she just started crying and she's like, 0:10:45.040 --> 0:10:47.440 does it still happen? And I'm like no, And at 0:10:47.480 --> 0:10:50.680 that time I wasn't lying because it stopped. It had stopped, 0:10:51.800 --> 0:10:56.160 and she started dating like his his now wife, and 0:10:56.240 --> 0:10:58.960 it kind of just subsided a little bit, and I said, no, 0:10:59.080 --> 0:11:01.559 it's not anymore. She said, we gotta tell mom, we 0:11:01.559 --> 0:11:03.360 gotta tell your mom. We gotta tell and I'm like, no, 0:11:03.640 --> 0:11:06.640 I'm scared. I don't want to tell her. I'm scared, 0:11:06.679 --> 0:11:08.840 Like I'm scared, like what if my mom. I always 0:11:08.840 --> 0:11:10.320 thought my mom was going to kill him and then 0:11:10.720 --> 0:11:12.600 he's going to be in jail and I was gonna 0:11:12.640 --> 0:11:14.000 be in jail and he's gonna be dead, like where 0:11:14.000 --> 0:11:15.360 am I going to be? Where am I going to live? 0:11:15.920 --> 0:11:17.840 And they're a was just like, okay, fine, I won't 0:11:17.840 --> 0:11:20.560 say anything, but if it ever happens again, you better 0:11:20.600 --> 0:11:23.960 tell me, and we have to tell. And I said okay, 0:11:24.120 --> 0:11:27.480 and I promised her and then started up again and 0:11:27.520 --> 0:11:35.040 I never said anything because I was so scared. Now 0:11:35.320 --> 0:11:37.760 my whole point was sharing this, you guys. It's because 0:11:37.840 --> 0:11:41.160 for a long time. Of course, I was quiet about 0:11:41.200 --> 0:11:44.080 it since I was eight years old till I was twelve. 0:11:45.240 --> 0:11:47.160 It really did affect me in school. I could not 0:11:47.240 --> 0:11:52.840 concentrate in school, my grades. I I was not held back, 0:11:52.880 --> 0:11:56.480 but I was in s RP. I don't remember. It 0:11:56.480 --> 0:11:59.920 was like a special program because I was delayed in reading, 0:12:00.080 --> 0:12:02.280 ing in my math, and I had to like be 0:12:02.360 --> 0:12:05.000 pulled out of class and it was like the special 0:12:05.000 --> 0:12:07.920 program of like five children that would get like special 0:12:08.160 --> 0:12:11.880 just education one on one with the teacher because I 0:12:11.920 --> 0:12:13.559 was so delayed. And it was because of all this 0:12:13.640 --> 0:12:15.640 thing that I was caring. I was caring this at 0:12:15.679 --> 0:12:18.280 such a young age, not telling anybody about it, and 0:12:18.320 --> 0:12:20.880 I felt the shame of like I felt dirty. I 0:12:20.920 --> 0:12:24.600 felt like, oh my goodness, I'm I'm dirty. That's all 0:12:24.640 --> 0:12:26.600 I can really explain it, you know. That's how That's 0:12:26.600 --> 0:12:28.320 the only way I can explain it. Yeah, Rosie knew, 0:12:28.360 --> 0:12:30.400 and yes, my friend Vanessa, who was no longer my 0:12:30.440 --> 0:12:32.520 friend at that time, because when I moved from Long 0:12:32.559 --> 0:12:35.760 Beach to Compton, I didn't see her anymore, you know, 0:12:35.840 --> 0:12:38.880 so we lost touch and I just didn't speak. I 0:12:38.960 --> 0:12:41.240 wasn't that close to Rosie like that to like tell 0:12:41.280 --> 0:12:43.680 her it to happen again. So I just really kept 0:12:43.679 --> 0:12:48.360 it inside for a long time. Anyways, finally when it 0:12:48.440 --> 0:12:50.440 came up. It was always something I thought I was 0:12:50.480 --> 0:12:53.760 never going to talk about. When it did come out, 0:12:54.520 --> 0:12:56.439 I was twelve years old. And the reason it came 0:12:56.440 --> 0:13:01.800 out was because we were at church and Rosie was 0:13:03.000 --> 0:13:06.960 she was sixteen years old at this time, and there 0:13:07.040 --> 0:13:11.000 was a prophet praying for her, and she was very 0:13:11.040 --> 0:13:13.680 depressed and she was going through her own stuff. She 0:13:13.679 --> 0:13:17.200 would always spend a lot of time in her room, 0:13:17.240 --> 0:13:19.439 and of course I kind of knew, I'm like, okay, well, 0:13:19.440 --> 0:13:21.760 my dad has a lot to do with it. She 0:13:21.880 --> 0:13:24.160 was just very depressed and she my grandma had a 0:13:24.160 --> 0:13:26.560 lot of issues with her. So when we went to 0:13:26.640 --> 0:13:30.480 church and this prophet prayed for her. That came up. 0:13:30.880 --> 0:13:32.720 It came up in like when he was praying, He's like, Okay, 0:13:32.800 --> 0:13:37.120 the reason she has sadness over her because she has 0:13:37.160 --> 0:13:40.640 been sexually abused. And I remember just watching I was 0:13:40.720 --> 0:13:44.120 freaking twelve years old at church watching everything that was happening. 0:13:44.120 --> 0:13:47.280 I'm like, oh my gosh, here it is. God is 0:13:47.280 --> 0:13:50.479 bringing it out. That's really what I thought. And I 0:13:50.600 --> 0:13:53.160 ran to the bathroom and I got on my knees 0:13:53.160 --> 0:13:54.760 and I was like, God, please, please, please don't let 0:13:54.760 --> 0:13:56.480 this come out. Please God, Like I don't know what 0:13:56.480 --> 0:13:58.280 I'm gonna do. And I was just crying, crying and 0:13:58.320 --> 0:14:03.760 crying and silence. For two weeks after that day, no 0:14:03.800 --> 0:14:05.920 one talked about it. No one asked Rosie about it, 0:14:06.000 --> 0:14:08.280 until one day I was at the librarian Long Beach. 0:14:08.679 --> 0:14:10.280 I would always ask my mom to go to library, 0:14:10.320 --> 0:14:12.200 and it was kind of like our babysitter. We would 0:14:12.200 --> 0:14:13.720 just stay there and like hang out and do our 0:14:13.760 --> 0:14:16.480 homework and everything with my my my sister and my 0:14:16.559 --> 0:14:18.280 and my cousins and stuff. So one day we were 0:14:18.280 --> 0:14:20.760 at the library was a normal day. I thought, Okay, well, 0:14:20.760 --> 0:14:22.360 maybe they're not going to talk about it. Anymore, maybe 0:14:22.360 --> 0:14:26.360 it's not gonna come out. And my the m when 0:14:26.440 --> 0:14:29.640 my theast picked me up and said, hey, why are 0:14:29.640 --> 0:14:31.520 you picking us up so early? Mom said you were 0:14:31.520 --> 0:14:34.160 gonna come at five, they're gonna pick up. No, your 0:14:34.160 --> 0:14:36.600 mom said that we need to get you now. We 0:14:36.600 --> 0:14:38.240 need to pick you guys up. We gotta go. And 0:14:38.280 --> 0:14:40.040 I saw it in her face. I swear. I sat 0:14:40.040 --> 0:14:42.080 in the back seat and I said, oh my goodness, 0:14:42.160 --> 0:14:45.120 I felt it. I've always been so intuitive since I 0:14:45.200 --> 0:14:49.040 was little, and I remember just saying I said, oh 0:14:49.080 --> 0:14:51.000 my goodness, today's the day I felt it. I saw 0:14:51.000 --> 0:14:54.800 it in my aunt's face. I said, something is happening. 0:14:55.840 --> 0:15:02.360 And so we get to my uncle's office and my 0:15:02.440 --> 0:15:07.760 mom's pregnant from Jessica. This was my mom's pregnant from Jensica, 0:15:08.240 --> 0:15:11.400 and her mascara is just smeared. I walked in and 0:15:11.440 --> 0:15:14.040 I was like, I just started crying and I knew. 0:15:14.200 --> 0:15:16.640 I said she knows, and she said, come your baby 0:15:16.760 --> 0:15:18.800 to grab my hand, and she said, is there something 0:15:18.840 --> 0:15:23.240 you have to tell me? And I was like, I 0:15:23.320 --> 0:15:26.360 just cried. I said yes, And she asked me, is 0:15:26.360 --> 0:15:28.800 it true? Does your dad? Has your dad done this 0:15:28.880 --> 0:15:33.640 to you? And I said yes, and she cried and 0:15:33.680 --> 0:15:37.240 she held me and it was just it was horrible. 0:15:38.400 --> 0:15:41.080 The cops came, Rosie was there, and Rosie just said, 0:15:41.120 --> 0:15:43.280 I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I had to tell them. 0:15:43.280 --> 0:15:44.680 I just remember her looking at me and she was like, 0:15:44.720 --> 0:15:46.640 I'm so sorry. I just I had to, Like they 0:15:46.680 --> 0:15:50.359 asked me and I said, it's okay. But from that day, 0:15:50.800 --> 0:15:53.320 I swear to you, I felt, yes, I was sad 0:15:53.360 --> 0:15:56.920 and I was like, oh my goodness, like everyone knows 0:15:57.000 --> 0:15:58.720 and what are they going to think of me? And 0:15:58.760 --> 0:16:01.160 like I just felt really party. But I felt like 0:16:04.680 --> 0:16:08.960 I just felt like I could breathe, and I didn't 0:16:08.960 --> 0:16:10.280 know what was going to happen. I was like, what's 0:16:10.280 --> 0:16:12.760 gonna happen with my dad? And I was Weirdly enough, 0:16:13.120 --> 0:16:15.520 I was scared for him. Because this is what a 0:16:15.560 --> 0:16:17.960 lot of people want to understand. I have seen comments 0:16:17.960 --> 0:16:20.080 on social media like Jeki's how could you forgive your 0:16:20.160 --> 0:16:22.880 dad after what he did to you? The crazy thing 0:16:22.960 --> 0:16:25.960 is my dad was a good dad. I know that 0:16:26.000 --> 0:16:28.880 sounds crazy, but he was. He was a type of 0:16:28.960 --> 0:16:30.800 dad that would sit me down and talk to me. 0:16:30.880 --> 0:16:33.000 He taught me how to wash clothes, He taught me 0:16:33.040 --> 0:16:35.480 how to fold it like he was like, if I 0:16:35.520 --> 0:16:38.080 got in trouble, he'd be one to just talk to 0:16:38.120 --> 0:16:40.920 me and make me understand things. And he cooked for us, 0:16:40.960 --> 0:16:42.680 and he was It was just a different vibe at 0:16:42.680 --> 0:16:44.960 my dad's house. During the day. He was a great dad. 0:16:45.440 --> 0:16:48.320 It was at night that things got weird. But I 0:16:48.400 --> 0:16:50.840 have pretty nice memories with my dad. He's the one 0:16:50.880 --> 0:16:55.200 that taught me about Manna, about Anna Gabriel, about Shakira, 0:16:55.760 --> 0:16:58.280 like a lot of music that I love now is 0:16:58.320 --> 0:17:01.760 because of him. And it was a weird situation because 0:17:02.000 --> 0:17:03.880 when it came out, I said, Wow, this means I'm 0:17:03.920 --> 0:17:06.719 never going to see my dad ever again. And I 0:17:06.760 --> 0:17:09.800 felt bad for my siblings, you know, especially for Jackie 0:17:09.840 --> 0:17:12.239 and Mikey, because they were so close to him. And 0:17:12.280 --> 0:17:14.920 it was this thing that I was always scared to 0:17:14.960 --> 0:17:16.960 go see him on the weekends, but we always did 0:17:17.000 --> 0:17:19.119 something fun, you know. I just wasn't sure if that 0:17:19.200 --> 0:17:22.600 weekend at night something was going to happen, you know. 0:17:22.720 --> 0:17:27.320 But it was such a weird thing. And the weird 0:17:27.359 --> 0:17:32.119 thing is that this happened on September when the truth 0:17:32.160 --> 0:17:38.120 came out and we were supposed to stay quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet. 0:17:38.119 --> 0:17:40.320 Weren't supposed to say anything or alarm my dad because 0:17:40.320 --> 0:17:41.679 we were afraid that he was going to go on 0:17:41.720 --> 0:17:45.320 the run. So when we got the cops and they 0:17:45.320 --> 0:17:48.040 took my report, they took rosies report. We went to 0:17:48.119 --> 0:17:52.160 so many doctors appointments, they checked us to confirm everything, 0:17:52.800 --> 0:17:55.000 and it was it was crazy. They sent me to 0:17:55.200 --> 0:17:58.560 therapy and we did family therapy. Oh while my dad 0:17:58.600 --> 0:18:00.600 was just like, Hey, I need to pick of my kids, 0:18:00.640 --> 0:18:02.960 and my mom would just make excuses, Oh, we gotta go, 0:18:03.040 --> 0:18:05.040 we we gotta go out of town because the detectives 0:18:05.040 --> 0:18:08.240 had said, don't say anything. So we kept it quiet 0:18:08.240 --> 0:18:11.480 all the way until October thirty one on Halloween, because 0:18:11.480 --> 0:18:13.640 he was like, I'm supposed to have the kids this Halloween. 0:18:14.440 --> 0:18:16.320 Now you're playing dumb and this whole thing. And my 0:18:16.320 --> 0:18:19.040 mom was pregnant and she couldn't sleep. I remember waking up, 0:18:19.080 --> 0:18:23.240 you guys, and my mom was dude huge from Jessica. 0:18:23.760 --> 0:18:25.520 I'd wake up to get a glass of water. I'd 0:18:25.520 --> 0:18:27.879 hear her crying and she'd have a big knife in 0:18:27.880 --> 0:18:30.440 her hand like ready, like sitting like from front of 0:18:30.480 --> 0:18:32.359 the door on this on this green couch that we 0:18:32.400 --> 0:18:34.720 had and This was our house in Compton, so it 0:18:34.760 --> 0:18:37.040 was a smaller home. And I would wake up and 0:18:37.080 --> 0:18:38.639 I'd hear her crying, and she'd just have a big 0:18:38.720 --> 0:18:40.919 knife in her hand, like he's coming, he's coming for us, 0:18:41.000 --> 0:18:42.560 and I'm ready, I'm going to kill him, and like 0:18:42.960 --> 0:18:46.320 she was, she was kind of going crazy. And this 0:18:46.520 --> 0:18:48.840 that was part of my fear of telling her. I 0:18:48.880 --> 0:18:54.040 know my mom. I was like my mom honestly, because 0:18:54.400 --> 0:18:57.080 if she hadn't been pregnant from Jessica, I don't know 0:18:57.160 --> 0:18:59.680 what my mom would have done. I have no idea 0:18:59.680 --> 0:19:03.159 what she would have done. And it was so it 0:19:03.240 --> 0:19:06.639 was such a difficult time. So finally, when October game, 0:19:06.680 --> 0:19:09.600 which is Halloween of that same year, my mom knows 0:19:09.600 --> 0:19:13.400 how You're not going to see my kids anymore. You're 0:19:13.440 --> 0:19:15.119 never going to see my kids anymore because I know 0:19:15.160 --> 0:19:17.920 what you did to my sister and to my daughter. 0:19:19.080 --> 0:19:21.479 That's all she said. And on the other end, I 0:19:21.560 --> 0:19:23.119 was standing right in front of her when she was 0:19:23.160 --> 0:19:29.120 having this conversation, he said, and then my mom said 0:19:29.160 --> 0:19:32.160 elas dango and he hung up. She calls a detective. 0:19:32.160 --> 0:19:35.000 This was like at seven pm at night. She calls 0:19:35.000 --> 0:19:37.160 the detective and says, hey, I'm sorry, but I told 0:19:37.240 --> 0:19:39.200 him I couldn't anymore. You guys have to go find him. 0:19:39.400 --> 0:19:42.400 They said, okay, we'll handle it in the morning. There's 0:19:42.440 --> 0:19:44.560 too much going on. There's a lot of cops and everything. 0:19:44.560 --> 0:19:47.680 They needed them out because it was Halloween. So they 0:19:47.680 --> 0:19:50.000 go at nine o'clock in the morning the next day 0:19:50.240 --> 0:19:53.200 on November one, and he was gone. Gone. My dad 0:19:53.280 --> 0:19:55.720 was gone. He disappeared. Everything was gone from the house 0:19:55.800 --> 0:19:57.880 he disappeared for. He was on the run for ten years. 0:19:57.880 --> 0:20:04.520 You guys, there's so much more to this story, and 0:20:04.560 --> 0:20:06.640 I feel like, one day I want to really just 0:20:07.000 --> 0:20:10.680 dive deep into what happened. It was a lot because 0:20:10.680 --> 0:20:13.159 even going through the trial ten years later when he 0:20:13.280 --> 0:20:16.760 was caught and having to relive everything for an entire year. 0:20:17.280 --> 0:20:21.199 I was on the stand talking about details, and they 0:20:21.200 --> 0:20:23.240 try to trick you when they do the cross examination 0:20:23.280 --> 0:20:25.159 and they're like, okay, well you set on your report this, 0:20:25.240 --> 0:20:26.960