1
00:00:03,600 --> 00:00:08,440
Speaker 1: Hello, l Espero, Kistan Muibian, Welcome to another episode of

2
00:00:08,560 --> 00:00:11,760
Speaker 1: Cheeks and Chill. I'm your host cheek Ease, and today

3
00:00:12,400 --> 00:00:15,320
Speaker 1: we're going to be talking about a very heavy topic,

4
00:00:15,960 --> 00:00:19,160
Speaker 1: sexual abuse. We should note that if you find this

5
00:00:19,200 --> 00:00:22,239
Speaker 1: topic triggering, you'll want to skip this episode and check

6
00:00:22,280 --> 00:00:25,840
Speaker 1: out one of the other ones. Sexual abuse is something

7
00:00:25,880 --> 00:00:27,880
Speaker 1: I've talked about, but I want to dive into it

8
00:00:27,920 --> 00:00:31,159
Speaker 1: a little deeper here on my podcast. I'm going to

9
00:00:31,200 --> 00:00:34,559
Speaker 1: be sharing my experience with it, how it's affected me,

10
00:00:34,840 --> 00:00:38,159
Speaker 1: and how I've managed to move forward with my life. So,

11
00:00:38,280 --> 00:00:41,680
Speaker 1: without further ado, let's get into this week's episode of

12
00:00:41,880 --> 00:00:50,840
Speaker 1: cheek Ease and Chill. Okay, guys, this is a pretty

13
00:00:50,840 --> 00:00:53,480
Speaker 1: hard topic to talk about. UM. I have been open

14
00:00:53,520 --> 00:00:57,600
Speaker 1: about being sexually abused by by my father, my biological father.

15
00:00:58,320 --> 00:01:02,800
Speaker 1: I've never really talked about it in detail. I've written

16
00:01:02,840 --> 00:01:05,080
Speaker 1: about it in my book Better On, but again not

17
00:01:05,160 --> 00:01:09,120
Speaker 1: even I didn't go that deep into detail. I've said

18
00:01:09,160 --> 00:01:11,080
Speaker 1: it over and over again, guys. I want to share

19
00:01:11,120 --> 00:01:14,639
Speaker 1: my experiences to hopefully help others. That's why I share

20
00:01:14,640 --> 00:01:17,320
Speaker 1: so much. That's why I'm so open. I'm so transparent.

21
00:01:17,920 --> 00:01:21,040
Speaker 1: I write books because I feel like the only way

22
00:01:21,080 --> 00:01:25,919
Speaker 1: to help others is by being honest. I was actually

23
00:01:25,959 --> 00:01:32,240
Speaker 1: abused by my father the first time. I remember, I

24
00:01:32,319 --> 00:01:37,440
Speaker 1: was eight years old, and I'll never forget this day

25
00:01:37,480 --> 00:01:42,559
Speaker 1: because at that time, we were living with my dad,

26
00:01:42,840 --> 00:01:46,959
Speaker 1: my sister Jackie, Mikey, and I and what we were

27
00:01:47,000 --> 00:01:50,000
Speaker 1: going to do was live with dad six months out

28
00:01:50,000 --> 00:01:52,000
Speaker 1: of the year and see my mom on the weekends,

29
00:01:52,080 --> 00:01:53,560
Speaker 1: and then the other half of the year we were

30
00:01:53,560 --> 00:01:54,960
Speaker 1: going to live with my mom and then see my

31
00:01:55,040 --> 00:01:58,000
Speaker 1: dad on the weekends. So that was something that we

32
00:01:58,080 --> 00:02:03,160
Speaker 1: had or my parents had decided when they separated, and

33
00:02:03,240 --> 00:02:08,920
Speaker 1: my mom was really focused on on working and doing

34
00:02:08,960 --> 00:02:11,720
Speaker 1: real estate, so we had decided that we were going

35
00:02:11,760 --> 00:02:14,480
Speaker 1: to live with dad. First. I say we because my

36
00:02:14,520 --> 00:02:18,880
Speaker 1: mom did ask me and I said, okay, that's fine. Again,

37
00:02:18,960 --> 00:02:21,160
Speaker 1: during this time, there was never an issue, I mean

38
00:02:21,200 --> 00:02:25,160
Speaker 1: because we lived with my dad and my mom, and yes,

39
00:02:25,200 --> 00:02:29,400
Speaker 1: I grew up saying a lot going on in my household.

40
00:02:30,360 --> 00:02:35,720
Speaker 1: There was domestic violence um in our home. So I

41
00:02:35,720 --> 00:02:38,280
Speaker 1: I personally did feel it was sad when my dad left,

42
00:02:38,360 --> 00:02:40,399
Speaker 1: but I did feel that it was the best decision

43
00:02:41,240 --> 00:02:44,080
Speaker 1: because they were just unhappy and they were always arguing

44
00:02:45,080 --> 00:02:49,440
Speaker 1: and I didn't have a problem with my dad. If anything,

45
00:02:49,480 --> 00:02:52,480
Speaker 1: I had a really close relationship with both my parents.

46
00:02:53,560 --> 00:02:57,160
Speaker 1: So when we lived with my dad, we were living

47
00:02:57,240 --> 00:03:01,080
Speaker 1: in a two bedroom apartment with his sister, and I

48
00:03:01,120 --> 00:03:04,839
Speaker 1: remember my dad had this blue bumtom bed and it

49
00:03:04,880 --> 00:03:06,680
Speaker 1: was a twin bed on the top and then on

50
00:03:06,680 --> 00:03:10,640
Speaker 1: the bottom it was a queen and we all slept.

51
00:03:10,760 --> 00:03:12,960
Speaker 1: My brother Mikey slept on the top, and then my

52
00:03:13,080 --> 00:03:15,000
Speaker 1: dad and my sister Jackie and I slept on the

53
00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:18,920
Speaker 1: bottom butt And then things started happening, stuff that I

54
00:03:19,000 --> 00:03:21,920
Speaker 1: was I was not aware. We're wrong at the time,

55
00:03:21,960 --> 00:03:24,160
Speaker 1: to be honest, in my house, this is another thing

56
00:03:24,200 --> 00:03:26,560
Speaker 1: that I want to talk about. My mom didn't talk

57
00:03:26,560 --> 00:03:30,240
Speaker 1: about sex with us. With me, it was a taboo.

58
00:03:30,280 --> 00:03:31,760
Speaker 1: It was something you don't talk about, you know what

59
00:03:31,840 --> 00:03:34,480
Speaker 1: I mean. And I didn't know. I didn't know what

60
00:03:34,560 --> 00:03:38,520
Speaker 1: sex was. I just knew that I had in between

61
00:03:38,560 --> 00:03:41,720
Speaker 1: my legs and I had to wash it, and that's

62
00:03:41,720 --> 00:03:43,720
Speaker 1: all I knew. And again, guys, I'm going to be

63
00:03:44,560 --> 00:03:47,480
Speaker 1: try to be kind of vague, but I'm gonna I'm

64
00:03:47,480 --> 00:03:49,839
Speaker 1: gonna be straight up here, you know, So we're gonna

65
00:03:49,840 --> 00:03:54,880
Speaker 1: cut it. So that's all I really knew. When I

66
00:03:54,920 --> 00:03:58,640
Speaker 1: would wake up in the middle of the night and

67
00:04:00,720 --> 00:04:04,560
Speaker 1: my dad's hands where we're in my panties, I was

68
00:04:04,640 --> 00:04:09,119
Speaker 1: just like, I didn't know. I I honestly was just shocked.

69
00:04:09,760 --> 00:04:17,960
Speaker 1: I wasn't sure. I know it felt uncomfortable, but I

70
00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:21,080
Speaker 1: didn't know it was wrong. As weird as that sounds,

71
00:04:22,240 --> 00:04:25,920
Speaker 1: I felt it was a form of him showing me affection.

72
00:04:27,480 --> 00:04:30,200
Speaker 1: It was always I was always I would always wake

73
00:04:30,279 --> 00:04:33,240
Speaker 1: up to this. I mean it happened more often than not,

74
00:04:34,360 --> 00:04:39,960
Speaker 1: and that was always at night. Now, one time I

75
00:04:40,000 --> 00:04:42,400
Speaker 1: was eight years old and I was still living with him,

76
00:04:42,600 --> 00:04:45,320
Speaker 1: we went to the beach and it was a beach day,

77
00:04:45,520 --> 00:04:48,080
Speaker 1: and my cousins went and my aunt went, and it was,

78
00:04:48,480 --> 00:04:49,960
Speaker 1: you know, a beach day. It was on the weekend,

79
00:04:50,960 --> 00:04:53,800
Speaker 1: and my sister, Jackie and I. I'll never forget that

80
00:04:53,880 --> 00:04:57,240
Speaker 1: day because Jackie almost drowned that day. I remember my

81
00:04:57,320 --> 00:05:00,720
Speaker 1: dad was off flirting with some girl and I was

82
00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:02,720
Speaker 1: left with my sister, my baby sister, she was four

83
00:05:02,800 --> 00:05:05,200
Speaker 1: years old at the time. We were holding hands and

84
00:05:05,240 --> 00:05:07,560
Speaker 1: we were kind of just playing in the water, and

85
00:05:07,600 --> 00:05:10,599
Speaker 1: then a big wave came and took Jackie literally out

86
00:05:10,600 --> 00:05:13,560
Speaker 1: of my hand, and I just remember watching her and

87
00:05:13,640 --> 00:05:16,680
Speaker 1: she was like in this little churnado of water. I

88
00:05:16,680 --> 00:05:18,760
Speaker 1: don't know what to call it. And she was just

89
00:05:18,800 --> 00:05:20,719
Speaker 1: like going around in circles right before my eyes, and

90
00:05:20,720 --> 00:05:21,880
Speaker 1: I was yelling and I was like, oh my god,

91
00:05:21,920 --> 00:05:23,920
Speaker 1: what do I do. My dad was over there learning

92
00:05:23,960 --> 00:05:27,320
Speaker 1: with some girls, and my cousin, who was a little

93
00:05:27,360 --> 00:05:31,039
Speaker 1: older than me, went into the ocean and rescued my

94
00:05:31,120 --> 00:05:33,600
Speaker 1: sister from there. It was like beach day was over.

95
00:05:33,680 --> 00:05:37,720
Speaker 1: We went back home. Everyone was scared, and my dad

96
00:05:38,040 --> 00:05:41,040
Speaker 1: sent me to go shower. And it was during the day.

97
00:05:41,080 --> 00:05:42,839
Speaker 1: It was like I must have been like three pm,

98
00:05:42,880 --> 00:05:45,719
Speaker 1: four pm, something like that, and he said, you know,

99
00:05:45,760 --> 00:05:49,200
Speaker 1: go shower. And I remember saying okay, because Jackie and

100
00:05:49,200 --> 00:05:51,000
Speaker 1: I would shower together. And he said, no, no no, she

101
00:05:51,040 --> 00:05:54,240
Speaker 1: has she's going to eat. You. Go ahead and shower.

102
00:05:54,279 --> 00:05:56,040
Speaker 1: And I was like, okay. So I went to shower,

103
00:05:57,120 --> 00:06:01,400
Speaker 1: and a few minutes later, I was taking off my

104
00:06:01,440 --> 00:06:03,320
Speaker 1: clothes and you know, because we were all sandy, you know,

105
00:06:03,360 --> 00:06:08,400
Speaker 1: the sand everywhere. He walks into into the into the

106
00:06:08,440 --> 00:06:12,919
Speaker 1: bathroom and he starts kind of getting addressed and he's

107
00:06:12,960 --> 00:06:16,719
Speaker 1: like in his boxers and I'm about to get in

108
00:06:16,720 --> 00:06:18,080
Speaker 1: the shower and he's like, no, no no, hold on. He

109
00:06:18,120 --> 00:06:21,000
Speaker 1: sits on the on the toilet, closes the lid of

110
00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:22,839
Speaker 1: the toilet. Of course it's on the toilet, and then says,

111
00:06:22,880 --> 00:06:27,239
Speaker 1: sit on my lap. So I did, and that's when

112
00:06:27,880 --> 00:06:31,760
Speaker 1: I just started feeling pressure down there, and I remember

113
00:06:31,800 --> 00:06:36,200
Speaker 1: just screaming and saying no, and I was started crying

114
00:06:36,200 --> 00:06:38,120
Speaker 1: and I just he says okay. He was like, you know, yeah,

115
00:06:38,760 --> 00:06:40,360
Speaker 1: you get in the shower. So I got in the

116
00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:44,640
Speaker 1: shower and I was just crying and I just like

117
00:06:44,960 --> 00:06:47,039
Speaker 1: cornered myself and he came into the shower with me

118
00:06:47,080 --> 00:06:55,880
Speaker 1: and just said, you know, don't worry. And he even said,

119
00:06:55,920 --> 00:07:00,200
Speaker 1: you know the way at the end, it am on

120
00:07:00,240 --> 00:07:03,320
Speaker 1: that a Mexico. We mean a Mexico. And I was

121
00:07:03,360 --> 00:07:05,279
Speaker 1: like what so of course I'm eight years old, and

122
00:07:05,320 --> 00:07:07,040
Speaker 1: I'm like I don't want to I'm not and I

123
00:07:07,080 --> 00:07:10,240
Speaker 1: just did quiet. It stopped for a little bit after that.

124
00:07:11,200 --> 00:07:12,880
Speaker 1: I just knew that it hurt. I was like, something

125
00:07:12,880 --> 00:07:15,960
Speaker 1: doesn't feel right. It hurts, and I'm like, okay, something's weird.

126
00:07:16,440 --> 00:07:18,200
Speaker 1: So I just started telling my mom, Mom, I don't

127
00:07:18,240 --> 00:07:19,880
Speaker 1: want to live with dad anymore. It had been like

128
00:07:19,880 --> 00:07:22,559
Speaker 1: a couple of months and I was like, Mom, every weekend,

129
00:07:22,800 --> 00:07:24,240
Speaker 1: I don't want to go back to my dad's my

130
00:07:24,240 --> 00:07:25,880
Speaker 1: my aunt. I would say, she's mean to us, she's

131
00:07:25,920 --> 00:07:27,680
Speaker 1: mean to us. Can we just stay with you? And

132
00:07:27,720 --> 00:07:31,280
Speaker 1: I begged her so much that finally she's like, Okay, fine, fine,

133
00:07:31,320 --> 00:07:33,040
Speaker 1: you'll just live with me and you'll go see your

134
00:07:33,080 --> 00:07:34,880
Speaker 1: dad on the weekends. And I had to find any

135
00:07:34,920 --> 00:07:38,760
Speaker 1: excuse for a long time because I was scared, you know,

136
00:07:39,200 --> 00:07:40,760
Speaker 1: not to go to my dad's house. And I would

137
00:07:40,760 --> 00:07:42,800
Speaker 1: always sleep next to him when we would go because

138
00:07:42,800 --> 00:07:44,400
Speaker 1: I didn't want Jackie to sleep next him because I

139
00:07:44,440 --> 00:07:46,040
Speaker 1: was worried. I'm like, okay, what if he's doing that

140
00:07:46,120 --> 00:07:52,440
Speaker 1: to her? And I never said anything when I realized

141
00:07:52,600 --> 00:07:55,000
Speaker 1: that it was wrong. But something was weird was when

142
00:07:55,040 --> 00:07:58,480
Speaker 1: I was ten years old because kids at school, I

143
00:07:58,560 --> 00:08:01,360
Speaker 1: was like in fifth grade. Then they started talking about

144
00:08:01,360 --> 00:08:04,840
Speaker 1: sex and kissing and boys and all this stuff. Mind you,

145
00:08:04,920 --> 00:08:07,440
Speaker 1: I had been going to church, so I was very

146
00:08:07,520 --> 00:08:10,800
Speaker 1: like into religion, Christianity with my grandma and my mom.

147
00:08:11,080 --> 00:08:14,920
Speaker 1: She would go to church every Sunday. So at school

148
00:08:14,960 --> 00:08:17,520
Speaker 1: is when you start hearing all these things from other kids.

149
00:08:17,760 --> 00:08:19,520
Speaker 1: And I had a best friend at the time. Her

150
00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:25,880
Speaker 1: name was Vanessa, and she was very very advanced, you know,

151
00:08:26,000 --> 00:08:27,680
Speaker 1: I was. I was a little bit more innocent, I

152
00:08:27,720 --> 00:08:30,280
Speaker 1: could say, because again I was in church, and we

153
00:08:30,280 --> 00:08:32,280
Speaker 1: didn't talk about those things in my in my household,

154
00:08:32,480 --> 00:08:34,559
Speaker 1: about sex and about all these things and about kissing,

155
00:08:34,600 --> 00:08:36,920
Speaker 1: about all this stuff. So I started learning about this

156
00:08:36,960 --> 00:08:39,520
Speaker 1: from my friend Vanessa in school and I was like,

157
00:08:40,000 --> 00:08:42,439
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, like that sex, like when we started

158
00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:45,920
Speaker 1: talking about it and you know, and kissing and touching

159
00:08:46,000 --> 00:08:47,840
Speaker 1: and all this stuff, you know, it was just it

160
00:08:47,880 --> 00:08:50,120
Speaker 1: was crazy. And I remember telling her. I was the

161
00:08:50,200 --> 00:08:53,520
Speaker 1: first person I ever told was my friend Vanessa, and

162
00:08:53,559 --> 00:08:57,520
Speaker 1: I told her, well, you know, I think something's going

163
00:08:57,559 --> 00:09:00,080
Speaker 1: on because my dad does this and he touched as

164
00:09:00,160 --> 00:09:02,000
Speaker 1: me and all this stuff. And she was like, oh

165
00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:05,320
Speaker 1: my gosh, you have to tell someone. And I'm like no, no, no,

166
00:09:05,320 --> 00:09:06,840
Speaker 1: no no. I was so scared. I was like, no ways,

167
00:09:06,840 --> 00:09:08,120
Speaker 1: it is gonna send me to Mexico and I'm never

168
00:09:08,120 --> 00:09:09,680
Speaker 1: gonna see you. I'm never gonna see my mom, my

169
00:09:09,720 --> 00:09:14,559
Speaker 1: brother and sister. I was so scared, and I never

170
00:09:14,600 --> 00:09:16,439
Speaker 1: said anything, and she promised me that she would never

171
00:09:16,440 --> 00:09:18,920
Speaker 1: say anything, and I didn't say anything. I think I

172
00:09:18,960 --> 00:09:21,199
Speaker 1: was ten years old when I told my aunt Rosie,

173
00:09:21,240 --> 00:09:23,800
Speaker 1: who was also sexually molested by my by my dad.

174
00:09:24,960 --> 00:09:27,719
Speaker 1: The reason I told Rosie was because Rosie had this

175
00:09:27,880 --> 00:09:31,800
Speaker 1: thing with me, like she was always kind of like

176
00:09:31,920 --> 00:09:33,760
Speaker 1: upset and I didn't understand. I was like, why is

177
00:09:33,760 --> 00:09:35,480
Speaker 1: she always mad? And it always felt like she was

178
00:09:35,520 --> 00:09:38,840
Speaker 1: mad at me? And I always just wanted to be

179
00:09:38,960 --> 00:09:41,160
Speaker 1: cool and hang out with her and her friends, you know.

180
00:09:41,200 --> 00:09:43,720
Speaker 1: And she was four years older than me. So one

181
00:09:43,760 --> 00:09:45,920
Speaker 1: day I just said, since I had already known, Okay,

182
00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:48,240
Speaker 1: what's happening with my dad is wrong and it's weird,

183
00:09:48,920 --> 00:09:50,679
Speaker 1: because I talked to Vanessa and Vanessa told me and

184
00:09:50,720 --> 00:09:53,880
Speaker 1: she confirmed it to me. My friend Vanessa, remember, I

185
00:09:54,000 --> 00:09:55,600
Speaker 1: just said it one day to her. We were in

186
00:09:55,640 --> 00:09:59,600
Speaker 1: my grandpa's office and I told her straight out. I said,

187
00:10:00,120 --> 00:10:01,600
Speaker 1: I know why you hate my dad so much. Because

188
00:10:01,600 --> 00:10:04,240
Speaker 1: she would talk really bad about my dad and she's like, oh,

189
00:10:04,280 --> 00:10:06,480
Speaker 1: your dad's here, your dad's here, and like she would

190
00:10:06,480 --> 00:10:08,440
Speaker 1: be like, you know, she would just make comments, just

191
00:10:08,480 --> 00:10:11,480
Speaker 1: negative comments. And finally I just told her, I said,

192
00:10:11,480 --> 00:10:14,080
Speaker 1: I know why you hate my dad so much? And

193
00:10:14,120 --> 00:10:15,960
Speaker 1: she said, oh, tell me, why do you Why do

194
00:10:16,040 --> 00:10:18,359
Speaker 1: I hate him. Let's see what do you have to say?

195
00:10:18,440 --> 00:10:20,560
Speaker 1: And I said, because he does to me what he

196
00:10:20,600 --> 00:10:24,080
Speaker 1: did to you. Where I got that from? I have

197
00:10:24,440 --> 00:10:27,520
Speaker 1: no idea where I got the balls to even tell

198
00:10:27,559 --> 00:10:30,400
Speaker 1: her that. And she just like because her feet were

199
00:10:30,440 --> 00:10:32,520
Speaker 1: up on my grandpa's desk and then they just dropped

200
00:10:32,520 --> 00:10:35,800
Speaker 1: and she looked at me. She came up and she's like,

201
00:10:35,920 --> 00:10:38,480
Speaker 1: how do you know that? And I'm like, I don't know.

202
00:10:38,559 --> 00:10:41,160
Speaker 1: I just know. I said, because that's why you hate

203
00:10:41,200 --> 00:10:45,000
Speaker 1: him so much. And she just started crying and she's like,

204
00:10:45,040 --> 00:10:47,440
Speaker 1: does it still happen? And I'm like no, And at

205
00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:50,680
Speaker 1: that time I wasn't lying because it stopped. It had stopped,

206
00:10:51,800 --> 00:10:56,160
Speaker 1: and she started dating like his his now wife, and

207
00:10:56,240 --> 00:10:58,960
Speaker 1: it kind of just subsided a little bit, and I said, no,

208
00:10:59,080 --> 00:11:01,559
Speaker 1: it's not anymore. She said, we gotta tell mom, we

209
00:11:01,559 --> 00:11:03,360
Speaker 1: gotta tell your mom. We gotta tell and I'm like, no,

210
00:11:03,640 --> 00:11:06,640
Speaker 1: I'm scared. I don't want to tell her. I'm scared,

211
00:11:06,679 --> 00:11:08,840
Speaker 1: Like I'm scared, like what if my mom. I always

212
00:11:08,840 --> 00:11:10,320
Speaker 1: thought my mom was going to kill him and then

213
00:11:10,720 --> 00:11:12,600
Speaker 1: he's going to be in jail and I was gonna

214
00:11:12,640 --> 00:11:14,000
Speaker 1: be in jail and he's gonna be dead, like where

215
00:11:14,000 --> 00:11:15,360
Speaker 1: am I going to be? Where am I going to live?

216
00:11:15,920 --> 00:11:17,840
Speaker 1: And they're a was just like, okay, fine, I won't

217
00:11:17,840 --> 00:11:20,560
Speaker 1: say anything, but if it ever happens again, you better

218
00:11:20,600 --> 00:11:23,960
Speaker 1: tell me, and we have to tell. And I said okay,

219
00:11:24,120 --> 00:11:27,480
Speaker 1: and I promised her and then started up again and

220
00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:35,040
Speaker 1: I never said anything because I was so scared. Now

221
00:11:35,320 --> 00:11:37,760
Speaker 1: my whole point was sharing this, you guys. It's because

222
00:11:37,840 --> 00:11:41,160
Speaker 1: for a long time. Of course, I was quiet about

223
00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:44,080
Speaker 1: it since I was eight years old till I was twelve.

224
00:11:45,240 --> 00:11:47,160
Speaker 1: It really did affect me in school. I could not

225
00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:52,840
Speaker 1: concentrate in school, my grades. I I was not held back,

226
00:11:52,880 --> 00:11:56,480
Speaker 1: but I was in s RP. I don't remember. It

227
00:11:56,480 --> 00:11:59,920
Speaker 1: was like a special program because I was delayed in reading,

228
00:12:00,080 --> 00:12:02,280
Speaker 1: ing in my math, and I had to like be

229
00:12:02,360 --> 00:12:05,000
Speaker 1: pulled out of class and it was like the special

230
00:12:05,000 --> 00:12:07,920
Speaker 1: program of like five children that would get like special

231
00:12:08,160 --> 00:12:11,880
Speaker 1: just education one on one with the teacher because I

232
00:12:11,920 --> 00:12:13,559
Speaker 1: was so delayed. And it was because of all this

233
00:12:13,640 --> 00:12:15,640
Speaker 1: thing that I was caring. I was caring this at

234
00:12:15,679 --> 00:12:18,280
Speaker 1: such a young age, not telling anybody about it, and

235
00:12:18,320 --> 00:12:20,880
Speaker 1: I felt the shame of like I felt dirty. I

236
00:12:20,920 --> 00:12:24,600
Speaker 1: felt like, oh my goodness, I'm I'm dirty. That's all

237
00:12:24,640 --> 00:12:26,600
Speaker 1: I can really explain it, you know. That's how That's

238
00:12:26,600 --> 00:12:28,320
Speaker 1: the only way I can explain it. Yeah, Rosie knew,

239
00:12:28,360 --> 00:12:30,400
Speaker 1: and yes, my friend Vanessa, who was no longer my

240
00:12:30,440 --> 00:12:32,520
Speaker 1: friend at that time, because when I moved from Long

241
00:12:32,559 --> 00:12:35,760
Speaker 1: Beach to Compton, I didn't see her anymore, you know,

242
00:12:35,840 --> 00:12:38,880
Speaker 1: so we lost touch and I just didn't speak. I

243
00:12:38,960 --> 00:12:41,240
Speaker 1: wasn't that close to Rosie like that to like tell

244
00:12:41,280 --> 00:12:43,680
Speaker 1: her it to happen again. So I just really kept

245
00:12:43,679 --> 00:12:48,360
Speaker 1: it inside for a long time. Anyways, finally when it

246
00:12:48,440 --> 00:12:50,440
Speaker 1: came up. It was always something I thought I was

247
00:12:50,480 --> 00:12:53,760
Speaker 1: never going to talk about. When it did come out,

248
00:12:54,520 --> 00:12:56,439
Speaker 1: I was twelve years old. And the reason it came

249
00:12:56,440 --> 00:13:01,800
Speaker 1: out was because we were at church and Rosie was

250
00:13:03,000 --> 00:13:06,960
Speaker 1: she was sixteen years old at this time, and there

251
00:13:07,040 --> 00:13:11,000
Speaker 1: was a prophet praying for her, and she was very

252
00:13:11,040 --> 00:13:13,680
Speaker 1: depressed and she was going through her own stuff. She

253
00:13:13,679 --> 00:13:17,200
Speaker 1: would always spend a lot of time in her room,

254
00:13:17,240 --> 00:13:19,439
Speaker 1: and of course I kind of knew, I'm like, okay, well,

255
00:13:19,440 --> 00:13:21,760
Speaker 1: my dad has a lot to do with it. She

256
00:13:21,880 --> 00:13:24,160
Speaker 1: was just very depressed and she my grandma had a

257
00:13:24,160 --> 00:13:26,560
Speaker 1: lot of issues with her. So when we went to

258
00:13:26,640 --> 00:13:30,480
Speaker 1: church and this prophet prayed for her. That came up.

259
00:13:30,880 --> 00:13:32,720
Speaker 1: It came up in like when he was praying, He's like, Okay,

260
00:13:32,800 --> 00:13:37,120
Speaker 1: the reason she has sadness over her because she has

261
00:13:37,160 --> 00:13:40,640
Speaker 1: been sexually abused. And I remember just watching I was

262
00:13:40,720 --> 00:13:44,120
Speaker 1: freaking twelve years old at church watching everything that was happening.

263
00:13:44,120 --> 00:13:47,280
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh my gosh, here it is. God is

264
00:13:47,280 --> 00:13:50,479
Speaker 1: bringing it out. That's really what I thought. And I

265
00:13:50,600 --> 00:13:53,160
Speaker 1: ran to the bathroom and I got on my knees

266
00:13:53,160 --> 00:13:54,760
Speaker 1: and I was like, God, please, please, please don't let

267
00:13:54,760 --> 00:13:56,480
Speaker 1: this come out. Please God, Like I don't know what

268
00:13:56,480 --> 00:13:58,280
Speaker 1: I'm gonna do. And I was just crying, crying and

269
00:13:58,320 --> 00:14:03,760
Speaker 1: crying and silence. For two weeks after that day, no

270
00:14:03,800 --> 00:14:05,920
Speaker 1: one talked about it. No one asked Rosie about it,

271
00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:08,280
Speaker 1: until one day I was at the librarian Long Beach.

272
00:14:08,679 --> 00:14:10,280
Speaker 1: I would always ask my mom to go to library,

273
00:14:10,320 --> 00:14:12,200
Speaker 1: and it was kind of like our babysitter. We would

274
00:14:12,200 --> 00:14:13,720
Speaker 1: just stay there and like hang out and do our

275
00:14:13,760 --> 00:14:16,480
Speaker 1: homework and everything with my my my sister and my

276
00:14:16,559 --> 00:14:18,280
Speaker 1: and my cousins and stuff. So one day we were

277
00:14:18,280 --> 00:14:20,760
Speaker 1: at the library was a normal day. I thought, Okay, well,

278
00:14:20,760 --> 00:14:22,360
Speaker 1: maybe they're not going to talk about it. Anymore, maybe

279
00:14:22,360 --> 00:14:26,360
Speaker 1: it's not gonna come out. And my the m when

280
00:14:26,440 --> 00:14:29,640
Speaker 1: my theast picked me up and said, hey, why are

281
00:14:29,640 --> 00:14:31,520
Speaker 1: you picking us up so early? Mom said you were

282
00:14:31,520 --> 00:14:34,160
Speaker 1: gonna come at five, they're gonna pick up. No, your

283
00:14:34,160 --> 00:14:36,600
Speaker 1: mom said that we need to get you now. We

284
00:14:36,600 --> 00:14:38,240
Speaker 1: need to pick you guys up. We gotta go. And

285
00:14:38,280 --> 00:14:40,040
Speaker 1: I saw it in her face. I swear. I sat

286
00:14:40,040 --> 00:14:42,080
Speaker 1: in the back seat and I said, oh my goodness,

287
00:14:42,160 --> 00:14:45,120
Speaker 1: I felt it. I've always been so intuitive since I

288
00:14:45,200 --> 00:14:49,040
Speaker 1: was little, and I remember just saying I said, oh

289
00:14:49,080 --> 00:14:51,000
Speaker 1: my goodness, today's the day I felt it. I saw

290
00:14:51,000 --> 00:14:54,800
Speaker 1: it in my aunt's face. I said, something is happening.

291
00:14:55,840 --> 00:15:02,360
Speaker 1: And so we get to my uncle's office and my

292
00:15:02,440 --> 00:15:07,760
Speaker 1: mom's pregnant from Jessica. This was my mom's pregnant from Jensica,

293
00:15:08,240 --> 00:15:11,400
Speaker 1: and her mascara is just smeared. I walked in and

294
00:15:11,440 --> 00:15:14,040
Speaker 1: I was like, I just started crying and I knew.

295
00:15:14,200 --> 00:15:16,640
Speaker 1: I said she knows, and she said, come your baby

296
00:15:16,760 --> 00:15:18,800
Speaker 1: to grab my hand, and she said, is there something

297
00:15:18,840 --> 00:15:23,240
Speaker 1: you have to tell me? And I was like, I

298
00:15:23,320 --> 00:15:26,360
Speaker 1: just cried. I said yes, And she asked me, is

299
00:15:26,360 --> 00:15:28,800
Speaker 1: it true? Does your dad? Has your dad done this

300
00:15:28,880 --> 00:15:33,640
Speaker 1: to you? And I said yes, and she cried and

301
00:15:33,680 --> 00:15:37,240
Speaker 1: she held me and it was just it was horrible.

302
00:15:38,400 --> 00:15:41,080
Speaker 1: The cops came, Rosie was there, and Rosie just said,

303
00:15:41,120 --> 00:15:43,280
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I had to tell them.

304
00:15:43,280 --> 00:15:44,680
Speaker 1: I just remember her looking at me and she was like,

305
00:15:44,720 --> 00:15:46,640
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry. I just I had to, Like they

306
00:15:46,680 --> 00:15:50,359
Speaker 1: asked me and I said, it's okay. But from that day,

307
00:15:50,800 --> 00:15:53,320
Speaker 1: I swear to you, I felt, yes, I was sad

308
00:15:53,360 --> 00:15:56,920
Speaker 1: and I was like, oh my goodness, like everyone knows

309
00:15:57,000 --> 00:15:58,720
Speaker 1: and what are they going to think of me? And

310
00:15:58,760 --> 00:16:01,160
Speaker 1: like I just felt really party. But I felt like

311
00:16:04,680 --> 00:16:08,960
Speaker 1: I just felt like I could breathe, and I didn't

312
00:16:08,960 --> 00:16:10,280
Speaker 1: know what was going to happen. I was like, what's

313
00:16:10,280 --> 00:16:12,760
Speaker 1: gonna happen with my dad? And I was Weirdly enough,

314
00:16:13,120 --> 00:16:15,520
Speaker 1: I was scared for him. Because this is what a

315
00:16:15,560 --> 00:16:17,960
Speaker 1: lot of people want to understand. I have seen comments

316
00:16:17,960 --> 00:16:20,080
Speaker 1: on social media like Jeki's how could you forgive your

317
00:16:20,160 --> 00:16:22,880
Speaker 1: dad after what he did to you? The crazy thing

318
00:16:22,960 --> 00:16:25,960
Speaker 1: is my dad was a good dad. I know that

319
00:16:26,000 --> 00:16:28,880
Speaker 1: sounds crazy, but he was. He was a type of

320
00:16:28,960 --> 00:16:30,800
Speaker 1: dad that would sit me down and talk to me.

321
00:16:30,880 --> 00:16:33,000
Speaker 1: He taught me how to wash clothes, He taught me

322
00:16:33,040 --> 00:16:35,480
Speaker 1: how to fold it like he was like, if I

323
00:16:35,520 --> 00:16:38,080
Speaker 1: got in trouble, he'd be one to just talk to

324
00:16:38,120 --> 00:16:40,920
Speaker 1: me and make me understand things. And he cooked for us,

325
00:16:40,960 --> 00:16:42,680
Speaker 1: and he was It was just a different vibe at

326
00:16:42,680 --> 00:16:44,960
Speaker 1: my dad's house. During the day. He was a great dad.

327
00:16:45,440 --> 00:16:48,320
Speaker 1: It was at night that things got weird. But I

328
00:16:48,400 --> 00:16:50,840
Speaker 1: have pretty nice memories with my dad. He's the one

329
00:16:50,880 --> 00:16:55,200
Speaker 1: that taught me about Manna, about Anna Gabriel, about Shakira,

330
00:16:55,760 --> 00:16:58,280
Speaker 1: like a lot of music that I love now is

331
00:16:58,320 --> 00:17:01,760
Speaker 1: because of him. And it was a weird situation because

332
00:17:02,000 --> 00:17:03,880
Speaker 1: when it came out, I said, Wow, this means I'm

333
00:17:03,920 --> 00:17:06,719
Speaker 1: never going to see my dad ever again. And I

334
00:17:06,760 --> 00:17:09,800
Speaker 1: felt bad for my siblings, you know, especially for Jackie

335
00:17:09,840 --> 00:17:12,239
Speaker 1: and Mikey, because they were so close to him. And

336
00:17:12,280 --> 00:17:14,920
Speaker 1: it was this thing that I was always scared to

337
00:17:14,960 --> 00:17:16,960
Speaker 1: go see him on the weekends, but we always did

338
00:17:17,000 --> 00:17:19,119
Speaker 1: something fun, you know. I just wasn't sure if that

339
00:17:19,200 --> 00:17:22,600
Speaker 1: weekend at night something was going to happen, you know.

340
00:17:22,720 --> 00:17:27,320
Speaker 1: But it was such a weird thing. And the weird

341
00:17:27,359 --> 00:17:32,119
Speaker 1: thing is that this happened on September when the truth

342
00:17:32,160 --> 00:17:38,120
Speaker 1: came out and we were supposed to stay quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet.

343
00:17:38,119 --> 00:17:40,320
Speaker 1: Weren't supposed to say anything or alarm my dad because

344
00:17:40,320 --> 00:17:41,679
Speaker 1: we were afraid that he was going to go on

345
00:17:41,720 --> 00:17:45,320
Speaker 1: the run. So when we got the cops and they

346
00:17:45,320 --> 00:17:48,040
Speaker 1: took my report, they took rosies report. We went to

347
00:17:48,119 --> 00:17:52,160
Speaker 1: so many doctors appointments, they checked us to confirm everything,

348
00:17:52,800 --> 00:17:55,000
Speaker 1: and it was it was crazy. They sent me to

349
00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:58,560
Speaker 1: therapy and we did family therapy. Oh while my dad

350
00:17:58,600 --> 00:18:00,600
Speaker 1: was just like, Hey, I need to pick of my kids,

351
00:18:00,640 --> 00:18:02,960
Speaker 1: and my mom would just make excuses, Oh, we gotta go,

352
00:18:03,040 --> 00:18:05,040
Speaker 1: we we gotta go out of town because the detectives

353
00:18:05,040 --> 00:18:08,240
Speaker 1: had said, don't say anything. So we kept it quiet

354
00:18:08,240 --> 00:18:11,480
Speaker 1: all the way until October thirty one on Halloween, because

355
00:18:11,480 --> 00:18:13,640
Speaker 1: he was like, I'm supposed to have the kids this Halloween.

356
00:18:14,440 --> 00:18:16,320
Speaker 1: Now you're playing dumb and this whole thing. And my

357
00:18:16,320 --> 00:18:19,040
Speaker 1: mom was pregnant and she couldn't sleep. I remember waking up,

358
00:18:19,080 --> 00:18:23,240
Speaker 1: you guys, and my mom was dude huge from Jessica.

359
00:18:23,760 --> 00:18:25,520
Speaker 1: I'd wake up to get a glass of water. I'd

360
00:18:25,520 --> 00:18:27,879
Speaker 1: hear her crying and she'd have a big knife in

361
00:18:27,880 --> 00:18:30,440
Speaker 1: her hand like ready, like sitting like from front of

362
00:18:30,480 --> 00:18:32,359
Speaker 1: the door on this on this green couch that we

363
00:18:32,400 --> 00:18:34,720
Speaker 1: had and This was our house in Compton, so it

364
00:18:34,760 --> 00:18:37,040
Speaker 1: was a smaller home. And I would wake up and

365
00:18:37,080 --> 00:18:38,639
Speaker 1: I'd hear her crying, and she'd just have a big

366
00:18:38,720 --> 00:18:40,919
Speaker 1: knife in her hand, like he's coming, he's coming for us,

367
00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:42,560
Speaker 1: and I'm ready, I'm going to kill him, and like

368
00:18:42,960 --> 00:18:46,320
Speaker 1: she was, she was kind of going crazy. And this

369
00:18:46,520 --> 00:18:48,840
Speaker 1: that was part of my fear of telling her. I

370
00:18:48,880 --> 00:18:54,040
Speaker 1: know my mom. I was like my mom honestly, because

371
00:18:54,400 --> 00:18:57,080
Speaker 1: if she hadn't been pregnant from Jessica, I don't know

372
00:18:57,160 --> 00:18:59,680
Speaker 1: what my mom would have done. I have no idea

373
00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:03,159
Speaker 1: what she would have done. And it was so it

374
00:19:03,240 --> 00:19:06,639
Speaker 1: was such a difficult time. So finally, when October game,

375
00:19:06,680 --> 00:19:09,600
Speaker 1: which is Halloween of that same year, my mom knows

376
00:19:09,600 --> 00:19:13,400
Speaker 1: how You're not going to see my kids anymore. You're

377
00:19:13,440 --> 00:19:15,119
Speaker 1: never going to see my kids anymore because I know

378
00:19:15,160 --> 00:19:17,920
Speaker 1: what you did to my sister and to my daughter.

379
00:19:19,080 --> 00:19:21,479
Speaker 1: That's all she said. And on the other end, I

380
00:19:21,560 --> 00:19:23,119
Speaker 1: was standing right in front of her when she was

381
00:19:23,160 --> 00:19:29,120
Speaker 1: having this conversation, he said, and then my mom said

382
00:19:29,160 --> 00:19:32,160
Speaker 1: elas dango and he hung up. She calls a detective.

383
00:19:32,160 --> 00:19:35,000
Speaker 1: This was like at seven pm at night. She calls

384
00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:37,160
Speaker 1: the detective and says, hey, I'm sorry, but I told

385
00:19:37,240 --> 00:19:39,200
Speaker 1: him I couldn't anymore. You guys have to go find him.

386
00:19:39,400 --> 00:19:42,400
Speaker 1: They said, okay, we'll handle it in the morning. There's

387
00:19:42,440 --> 00:19:44,560
Speaker 1: too much going on. There's a lot of cops and everything.

388
00:19:44,560 --> 00:19:47,680
Speaker 1: They needed them out because it was Halloween. So they

389
00:19:47,680 --> 00:19:50,000
Speaker 1: go at nine o'clock in the morning the next day

390
00:19:50,240 --> 00:19:53,200
Speaker 1: on November one, and he was gone. Gone. My dad

391
00:19:53,280 --> 00:19:55,720
Speaker 1: was gone. He disappeared. Everything was gone from the house

392
00:19:55,800 --> 00:19:57,880
Speaker 1: he disappeared for. He was on the run for ten years.

393
00:19:57,880 --> 00:20:04,520
Speaker 1: You guys, there's so much more to this story, and

394
00:20:04,560 --> 00:20:06,640
Speaker 1: I feel like, one day I want to really just

395
00:20:07,000 --> 00:20:10,680
Speaker 1: dive deep into what happened. It was a lot because

396
00:20:10,680 --> 00:20:13,159
Speaker 1: even going through the trial ten years later when he

397
00:20:13,280 --> 00:20:16,760
Speaker 1: was caught and having to relive everything for an entire year.

398
00:20:17,280 --> 00:20:21,199
Speaker 1: I was on the stand talking about details, and they

399
00:20:21,200 --> 00:20:23,240
Speaker 1: try to trick you when they do the cross examination

400
00:20:23,280 --> 00:20:25,159
Speaker 1: and they're like, okay, well you set on your report this,

401
00:20:25,240 --> 00:20:26,960
Speaker 1: and I was like, no, I didn't say that. I

402
00:20:26,960 --> 00:20:30,840
Speaker 1: said this. So it was crazy because here I am engaged,

403
00:20:31,240 --> 00:20:34,719
Speaker 1: my uncle's, my grandpa, my mom, my stepdad, everyone's in

404
00:20:34,760 --> 00:20:37,639
Speaker 1: this courtroom and I'm talking about my experience. I was

405
00:20:37,720 --> 00:20:40,720
Speaker 1: so embarrassed of having to say the details of everything

406
00:20:41,840 --> 00:20:43,760
Speaker 1: that I was like, even I had never really talked

407
00:20:43,760 --> 00:20:46,199
Speaker 1: about it with my fiance at that time, and he

408
00:20:46,240 --> 00:20:48,440
Speaker 1: was there listening to everything. So it was very hard.

409
00:20:49,119 --> 00:20:51,840
Speaker 1: But the reason I wanted to talk about this topic

410
00:20:51,880 --> 00:20:53,800
Speaker 1: and I wanted to share my story with you guys,

411
00:20:53,920 --> 00:20:57,880
Speaker 1: is because this happens a lot, especially especially in our community,

412
00:20:57,920 --> 00:21:00,200
Speaker 1: in our land community, and it is a tab boo

413
00:21:00,320 --> 00:21:03,040
Speaker 1: and it is something that it's kind of like, Okay,

414
00:21:04,320 --> 00:21:06,800
Speaker 1: they try to just brush it under the rug. And

415
00:21:06,840 --> 00:21:10,359
Speaker 1: I am so grateful for my mom that she believed me.

416
00:21:10,400 --> 00:21:12,320
Speaker 1: She didn't question me. As soon as I told her,

417
00:21:12,359 --> 00:21:14,400
Speaker 1: she was like, Okay, this is what we're gonna do.

418
00:21:14,680 --> 00:21:16,720
Speaker 1: And she did everything that she could to try to

419
00:21:16,760 --> 00:21:21,120
Speaker 1: catch him, to put him in jail. And and that's

420
00:21:21,119 --> 00:21:24,119
Speaker 1: what I want the listeners, people that have gone through it,

421
00:21:24,240 --> 00:21:26,280
Speaker 1: that haven't talked about it, people that are going through it.

422
00:21:26,760 --> 00:21:29,240
Speaker 1: You have to tell someone, you have to get help,

423
00:21:29,280 --> 00:21:31,120
Speaker 1: you have to go to therapy, you have to talk

424
00:21:31,160 --> 00:21:34,840
Speaker 1: about it, because if you carry this in your heart,

425
00:21:34,880 --> 00:21:38,040
Speaker 1: in your mind for X amount of years, it's going

426
00:21:38,080 --> 00:21:40,160
Speaker 1: to make you sick. It's going to make you bitter.

427
00:21:40,960 --> 00:21:44,000
Speaker 1: And when I mean sick. Literally, when we hold these things,

428
00:21:44,040 --> 00:21:48,200
Speaker 1: these secrets, in our bodies, they become illnesses, they become diseases,

429
00:21:48,800 --> 00:21:51,840
Speaker 1: and it can even become cancer. I mean literally, I

430
00:21:51,880 --> 00:21:54,520
Speaker 1: truly believe that, and I know that the moment I

431
00:21:54,600 --> 00:21:56,159
Speaker 1: let it out. When I was twelve years old, I

432
00:21:56,160 --> 00:21:59,280
Speaker 1: started doing better in school, I was able to focus.

433
00:22:00,080 --> 00:22:02,360
Speaker 1: Things just started changing for me and I felt like, oh,

434
00:22:02,400 --> 00:22:05,400
Speaker 1: I could breathe, I could live my life a little bit,

435
00:22:05,440 --> 00:22:08,159
Speaker 1: you know, And for a long time. Yeah, well you know,

436
00:22:08,200 --> 00:22:09,960
Speaker 1: from eight to twelve. It's not alone, but it was

437
00:22:10,040 --> 00:22:14,320
Speaker 1: really affecting me. So mothers out there that if your

438
00:22:14,359 --> 00:22:16,560
Speaker 1: child comes to you and tells you this is happening,

439
00:22:16,600 --> 00:22:19,040
Speaker 1: please please take them to the doctor. Please go check.

440
00:22:19,119 --> 00:22:25,800
Speaker 1: Please don't just brush it under the rug. You have

441
00:22:25,880 --> 00:22:28,719
Speaker 1: to listen to your child that is telling you something.

442
00:22:29,200 --> 00:22:31,760
Speaker 1: And if you're going through it, and let's say your

443
00:22:31,800 --> 00:22:36,080
Speaker 1: parents are, don't believe you, speak to somebody. It's okay.

444
00:22:36,240 --> 00:22:39,840
Speaker 1: Sometimes people are so stuck in their ways that they

445
00:22:39,880 --> 00:22:43,760
Speaker 1: don't want to believe something because it's too painful, because

446
00:22:43,760 --> 00:22:48,280
Speaker 1: it's too much too to confront. But go find someone,

447
00:22:48,320 --> 00:22:50,880
Speaker 1: a friend that's going to listen to you. Find a therapist,

448
00:22:50,880 --> 00:22:53,280
Speaker 1: a counselor a life coach for you to just let

449
00:22:53,320 --> 00:22:56,680
Speaker 1: this out in the open, and it's going to help

450
00:22:56,720 --> 00:23:01,840
Speaker 1: you so much. And forget nous. That's another thing forgiving

451
00:23:01,840 --> 00:23:06,560
Speaker 1: the person the abuser, forgive them even if they don't

452
00:23:07,000 --> 00:23:10,760
Speaker 1: ask for forgiveness. My father has never admitted to it.

453
00:23:11,520 --> 00:23:14,520
Speaker 1: For a long time, he called me a liar, and

454
00:23:14,760 --> 00:23:18,200
Speaker 1: that hurt. Even before the truth came out, he would

455
00:23:18,200 --> 00:23:23,919
Speaker 1: tell my mom and just to kind of plant that

456
00:23:23,960 --> 00:23:25,719
Speaker 1: scene in her head so if it ever came out,

457
00:23:25,800 --> 00:23:28,119
Speaker 1: she wouldn't believe me. But thank god, my mom believed me,

458
00:23:28,240 --> 00:23:30,920
Speaker 1: never questioned me, and she never allowed me to feel

459
00:23:30,960 --> 00:23:32,720
Speaker 1: like a victim and said, no, we're going to get

460
00:23:32,720 --> 00:23:35,439
Speaker 1: you help and you're not. You are not what happened

461
00:23:35,440 --> 00:23:38,320
Speaker 1: to you. And I've had that so like present in

462
00:23:38,359 --> 00:23:40,520
Speaker 1: my mind, and I'm so grateful for my mother for that.

463
00:23:41,280 --> 00:23:43,119
Speaker 1: I don't know what I would have done if she

464
00:23:43,160 --> 00:23:46,359
Speaker 1: didn't believe me, if she wouldn't have helped me, But

465
00:23:46,440 --> 00:23:51,000
Speaker 1: she also taught me to forgive. And I know she

466
00:23:51,080 --> 00:23:53,080
Speaker 1: blamed herself a lot, like what could I have done

467
00:23:53,119 --> 00:23:55,479
Speaker 1: differently as a mother for this not to happen? And

468
00:23:55,520 --> 00:23:58,520
Speaker 1: I wish that I could tell her it's not your fault.

469
00:23:59,760 --> 00:24:02,040
Speaker 1: There's are just things that happen, you know, those are

470
00:24:02,080 --> 00:24:05,240
Speaker 1: just things that that happened. And now I see I'm like, okay,

471
00:24:05,240 --> 00:24:08,080
Speaker 1: why why did this happen to me? And I'm like,

472
00:24:08,160 --> 00:24:10,680
Speaker 1: you know, now I'm like, okay, what happened? Because now

473
00:24:10,680 --> 00:24:14,360
Speaker 1: I can use the platform God has given me, this microphone,

474
00:24:14,560 --> 00:24:17,399
Speaker 1: this podcast to help other people and say, Okay, I'm

475
00:24:17,440 --> 00:24:20,160
Speaker 1: gonna heal. I'm gonna be an example to help inspire

476
00:24:20,200 --> 00:24:22,320
Speaker 1: and empower other people and help them heal if they've

477
00:24:22,359 --> 00:24:25,399
Speaker 1: gone through this, because it is something that happens, and

478
00:24:25,440 --> 00:24:28,680
Speaker 1: it happens way too often. And I forgive my dad.

479
00:24:28,720 --> 00:24:32,080
Speaker 1: I forgive him because forgiveness. And I'm going to read

480
00:24:32,080 --> 00:24:34,440
Speaker 1: you guys a quote later in regards to like today,

481
00:24:34,440 --> 00:24:38,199
Speaker 1: My my motivational quote is is in regards to forgiveness

482
00:24:38,359 --> 00:24:40,520
Speaker 1: and how forgiveness is for for you and not for

483
00:24:40,560 --> 00:24:44,199
Speaker 1: the other person, because again that's another thing. Yes, you

484
00:24:44,200 --> 00:24:47,320
Speaker 1: can bring it out and then held resentment towards your abuser,

485
00:24:47,440 --> 00:24:49,480
Speaker 1: but that's not going to do you any good. It's

486
00:24:49,520 --> 00:24:52,199
Speaker 1: good to just release that person and leave them in

487
00:24:52,240 --> 00:24:59,439
Speaker 1: God's hands. And also just that boco, you know, in

488
00:24:59,480 --> 00:25:04,600
Speaker 1: regard to to therapy. When I did start therapy because

489
00:25:04,600 --> 00:25:07,760
Speaker 1: of the situation, and I've gone to therapy on and

490
00:25:07,800 --> 00:25:12,360
Speaker 1: off my entire life. It's helped me a lot because

491
00:25:12,920 --> 00:25:15,879
Speaker 1: as you get older and as you evolve, you start realizing.

492
00:25:16,000 --> 00:25:17,760
Speaker 1: For a long time, I thought, Okay, I'm I'm over that,

493
00:25:17,880 --> 00:25:21,480
Speaker 1: I'm over the sexual abuse. Okay, cool, like, let's move on.

494
00:25:22,359 --> 00:25:26,560
Speaker 1: But then I started realizing that I have what you

495
00:25:26,680 --> 00:25:30,800
Speaker 1: call daddy issues where I was looking for a father

496
00:25:30,920 --> 00:25:33,560
Speaker 1: figure or that love from from my father, that I

497
00:25:33,600 --> 00:25:38,080
Speaker 1: was missing in the wrong men, being in the wrong

498
00:25:38,119 --> 00:25:41,280
Speaker 1: relationships for way too long because of that. So those

499
00:25:41,280 --> 00:25:44,120
Speaker 1: are things that even like me thinking okay, I'm over it, no,

500
00:25:44,119 --> 00:25:47,760
Speaker 1: no, no no, like, they start resurfacing these things. And that's

501
00:25:47,760 --> 00:25:51,040
Speaker 1: why it's important to speak to someone. And that's why

502
00:25:51,040 --> 00:25:53,480
Speaker 1: I'm a firm believer and an advocate of therapy and

503
00:25:53,520 --> 00:25:58,400
Speaker 1: counseling and really getting your feelings out there, because it

504
00:25:58,440 --> 00:26:01,480
Speaker 1: makes a big difference, even if it's even if yeah,

505
00:26:01,480 --> 00:26:03,040
Speaker 1: you don't want to tell your family members, you don't

506
00:26:03,040 --> 00:26:06,520
Speaker 1: want to tell anyone, go to therapy, guys, go to therapy,

507
00:26:06,600 --> 00:26:10,760
Speaker 1: talk to them, let this out, find the help. Don't

508
00:26:10,800 --> 00:26:15,080
Speaker 1: be afraid. I know, it's scary, it's easier said than done. Yes,

509
00:26:15,200 --> 00:26:19,600
Speaker 1: it might ruffle some feathers, Yes, it might cause some tension.

510
00:26:20,520 --> 00:26:25,200
Speaker 1: But these people need to learn their lesson and they

511
00:26:25,280 --> 00:26:28,200
Speaker 1: need to be brought to the light because if not,

512
00:26:28,600 --> 00:26:30,840
Speaker 1: they're going to continue to do it. And that was

513
00:26:30,880 --> 00:26:34,119
Speaker 1: my thing. I didn't want to testify. And the reason

514
00:26:34,200 --> 00:26:38,160
Speaker 1: my dad is in jealous because of my testimony because

515
00:26:39,200 --> 00:26:42,080
Speaker 1: some stuff had happened with my aunt. She was older

516
00:26:42,240 --> 00:26:44,879
Speaker 1: when he got caught and stuff like that. So my

517
00:26:45,000 --> 00:26:48,040
Speaker 1: testimony was the one that was that really put him

518
00:26:48,080 --> 00:26:50,040
Speaker 1: in there, and that was hard and still it's it's

519
00:26:50,040 --> 00:26:53,159
Speaker 1: hard for me to think, like, Wow, my dad is

520
00:26:53,200 --> 00:26:57,920
Speaker 1: in jail because I testified against him, But I feel

521
00:26:57,960 --> 00:27:01,520
Speaker 1: like I did the right thing because it's not my

522
00:27:01,680 --> 00:27:06,720
Speaker 1: fault that he decided to do that, and I don't

523
00:27:06,720 --> 00:27:10,679
Speaker 1: want him to do it to anyone else. And if

524
00:27:10,680 --> 00:27:13,440
Speaker 1: you were to ask me for forgiveness, I've already forgiven him.

525
00:27:13,480 --> 00:27:15,919
Speaker 1: But if you were to come and tell me, or

526
00:27:15,960 --> 00:27:17,760
Speaker 1: if I go visit him one day in jail and

527
00:27:17,840 --> 00:27:20,680
Speaker 1: he says I'm sorry and admits to it, I am like,

528
00:27:21,359 --> 00:27:24,200
Speaker 1: I forgive you, I do believe and change you guys.

529
00:27:24,240 --> 00:27:26,880
Speaker 1: I believe that with the right help, people can change.

530
00:27:27,560 --> 00:27:30,160
Speaker 1: I choose to believe that, and I want to think

531
00:27:30,200 --> 00:27:31,959
Speaker 1: that he's changed. I want to think that one day

532
00:27:32,040 --> 00:27:34,800
Speaker 1: he's going to say, you know what, I'm sorry and

533
00:27:34,880 --> 00:27:37,399
Speaker 1: admitted to his family, because his family, I don't think

534
00:27:37,440 --> 00:27:39,320
Speaker 1: a lot of them till this day don't believe me.

535
00:27:39,800 --> 00:27:41,399
Speaker 1: They thought it's something that my mom put in my

536
00:27:41,440 --> 00:27:45,600
Speaker 1: head for many years, and it's not. I remember clearly

537
00:27:45,720 --> 00:27:50,600
Speaker 1: everything that happened, and it does weigh and it did weigh,

538
00:27:50,600 --> 00:27:52,760
Speaker 1: not not really now, but it did weigh heavy on

539
00:27:52,840 --> 00:27:55,159
Speaker 1: me that I'm like, my dad is in jail for

540
00:27:55,200 --> 00:27:59,879
Speaker 1: thirty one years, no chance of parole because I testified.

541
00:28:00,560 --> 00:28:03,639
Speaker 1: But then I said, you know what, those are the

542
00:28:03,680 --> 00:28:07,600
Speaker 1: consequences of his actions. And all I did was the

543
00:28:07,680 --> 00:28:10,159
Speaker 1: correct thing, and I spoke, and I spoke my truth.

544
00:28:11,119 --> 00:28:15,399
Speaker 1: And I'm hoping that I can help many people. And

545
00:28:15,880 --> 00:28:18,400
Speaker 1: I believe that God has put me in this position

546
00:28:18,520 --> 00:28:21,439
Speaker 1: and has given me this platform to help other people.

547
00:28:21,520 --> 00:28:24,880
Speaker 1: And believe me, I know what happens a lot more

548
00:28:24,920 --> 00:28:27,679
Speaker 1: often then we know that a lot of people like

549
00:28:27,760 --> 00:28:31,080
Speaker 1: to admit and we have to speak about it so

550
00:28:31,119 --> 00:28:35,960
Speaker 1: that it can lessen you guys, so that these things

551
00:28:36,520 --> 00:28:39,080
Speaker 1: can happen less and less and less the more we

552
00:28:39,200 --> 00:28:43,240
Speaker 1: come out and we speak the truth, because you know

553
00:28:44,880 --> 00:28:53,680
Speaker 1: so most and we don't want that. So, guys, if

554
00:28:53,720 --> 00:28:55,959
Speaker 1: someone comes and tells you this is happening to me,

555
00:28:56,040 --> 00:29:00,200
Speaker 1: please believe them. Please do your best to hug them.

556
00:29:00,280 --> 00:29:03,040
Speaker 1: Just give them a hug. If there's no words, hug them,

557
00:29:04,040 --> 00:29:07,680
Speaker 1: let them cry in your arms, let them release. The

558
00:29:07,720 --> 00:29:10,040
Speaker 1: worst thing you could tell a person when they're telling you, hey,

559
00:29:10,080 --> 00:29:12,600
Speaker 1: this is happening, I'm being molested on being sexually abused,

560
00:29:12,760 --> 00:29:15,960
Speaker 1: is no, that's not true. It's the worst thing that

561
00:29:16,000 --> 00:29:17,920
Speaker 1: you could tell a person. Just hug them, even if

562
00:29:17,960 --> 00:29:22,600
Speaker 1: there's no words. Believe them. Please and do your part.

563
00:29:22,640 --> 00:29:25,840
Speaker 1: Obviously there's there's a whole process that needs to be done.

564
00:29:27,040 --> 00:29:28,720
Speaker 1: That's my best advice that I can give you, guys,

565
00:29:28,760 --> 00:29:31,720
Speaker 1: because my mom having the mother that I had and

566
00:29:32,400 --> 00:29:37,520
Speaker 1: I didn't even question me made the biggest difference ever ever.

567
00:29:38,800 --> 00:29:41,400
Speaker 1: So thank you guys so much for listening. Like I said,

568
00:29:41,480 --> 00:29:44,120
Speaker 1: I hope my story helps at least one person out there.

569
00:29:45,160 --> 00:29:47,680
Speaker 1: Just know you're not alone, and more than anything, know

570
00:29:47,840 --> 00:29:51,360
Speaker 1: that it's not your fault. We're going to link some

571
00:29:51,440 --> 00:29:54,080
Speaker 1: resources in the show notes. Okay, so make sure you

572
00:29:54,080 --> 00:29:58,360
Speaker 1: look at them. And here's today's motivational quote. When I

573
00:29:58,400 --> 00:30:03,680
Speaker 1: told you, guys about earlier, forgiveness isn't about the other person.

574
00:30:03,960 --> 00:30:06,880
Speaker 1: It's about you. It's about your heart and your soul

575
00:30:06,920 --> 00:30:10,400
Speaker 1: being at peace. It's about you healing and moving on.

576
00:30:11,160 --> 00:30:18,160
Speaker 1: It's about you not letting the past hold you hostage anymore. Guys,

577
00:30:18,320 --> 00:30:22,320
Speaker 1: Forgiveness is a powerful thing. I'm telling you it is.

578
00:30:23,120 --> 00:30:27,000
Speaker 1: I know sometimes it's easier said than done, but trust me,

579
00:30:27,080 --> 00:30:30,760
Speaker 1: forgiveness gives you the wings to fly and chase your

580
00:30:30,800 --> 00:30:44,360
Speaker 1: dreams once you're not carrying that heavy load. Again. Thank you, guys,

581
00:30:35,720 --> 00:30:51,680
Speaker 1: less I love you, guys. This is a production of

582
00:30:51,720 --> 00:30:55,560
Speaker 1: My Heart Radio and mikel podcast Network. Follow us on

583
00:30:55,600 --> 00:30:59,840
Speaker 1: Instagram at miel Podcasts and follow me chick ease that

584
00:31:00,120 --> 00:31:03,680
Speaker 1: c h I q U I s. For more podcasts

585
00:31:03,880 --> 00:31:08,000
Speaker 1: from My Heart, visit the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcast,

586
00:31:08,120 --> 00:31:13,400
Speaker 1: or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. H