1 00:00:03,640 --> 00:00:09,039 Speaker 1: Ola espiro Kistin Muibian. Welcome to another episode of Cheeky's 2 00:00:09,080 --> 00:00:12,840 Speaker 1: and Chill. I'm your host Cheeky's and today we're going 3 00:00:12,880 --> 00:00:16,840 Speaker 1: to be talking about a very heavy topic, sexual abuse. 4 00:00:17,680 --> 00:00:20,080 Speaker 1: We should note that if you find this topic triggering, 5 00:00:20,480 --> 00:00:22,720 Speaker 1: you'll want to skip this episode and check out one 6 00:00:22,760 --> 00:00:26,600 Speaker 1: of the other ones. Sexual abuse is something I've talked about, 7 00:00:26,840 --> 00:00:28,680 Speaker 1: but I want to dive into it a little deeper 8 00:00:28,920 --> 00:00:31,920 Speaker 1: here on my podcast. I'm going to be sharing my 9 00:00:32,040 --> 00:00:35,640 Speaker 1: experience with it, how it's affected me, and how I've 10 00:00:35,640 --> 00:00:39,200 Speaker 1: managed to move forward with my life. So, without further ado, 11 00:00:39,560 --> 00:00:49,199 Speaker 1: let's get into this week's episode of Cheeky's and Chill. Okay, guys, 12 00:00:49,479 --> 00:00:52,920 Speaker 1: this is a pretty hard topic to talk about. I 13 00:00:52,960 --> 00:00:55,960 Speaker 1: have been open about being sexually abused by my father, 14 00:00:56,080 --> 00:01:01,560 Speaker 1: my biological father. I've never really talked about it in detail. 15 00:01:02,320 --> 00:01:05,000 Speaker 1: I've written about it in my book Berelon, but again 16 00:01:05,040 --> 00:01:08,959 Speaker 1: not even I didn't go that deep into detail. I've 17 00:01:08,959 --> 00:01:10,800 Speaker 1: said it over and over again, you guys. I want 18 00:01:10,840 --> 00:01:14,160 Speaker 1: to share my experiences to hopefully help others. That's why 19 00:01:14,200 --> 00:01:16,480 Speaker 1: I share so much. That's why I'm so open, I'm 20 00:01:16,520 --> 00:01:20,400 Speaker 1: so transparent. I write books because I feel like the 21 00:01:20,440 --> 00:01:25,480 Speaker 1: only way to help others is by being honest. I 22 00:01:25,560 --> 00:01:31,959 Speaker 1: was sexually abused by my father the first time. I remember. 23 00:01:32,120 --> 00:01:37,200 Speaker 1: I was eight years old, and I'll never forget this 24 00:01:37,280 --> 00:01:42,639 Speaker 1: day because at that time, we were living with my dad, 25 00:01:42,880 --> 00:01:47,039 Speaker 1: my sister Jackie, Mikey, and I and what we were 26 00:01:47,040 --> 00:01:50,000 Speaker 1: going to do was live with Dad six months out 27 00:01:50,040 --> 00:01:52,000 Speaker 1: of the year and see my mom on the weekends, 28 00:01:52,080 --> 00:01:53,600 Speaker 1: and then the other half of the year we were 29 00:01:53,600 --> 00:01:54,960 Speaker 1: going to live with my mom and then see my 30 00:01:55,040 --> 00:01:58,040 Speaker 1: dad on the weekends. So that was something that we 31 00:01:58,120 --> 00:02:03,120 Speaker 1: had or my parents had decided when they separated, and 32 00:02:03,280 --> 00:02:09,560 Speaker 1: my mom was really focused on working and doing real estate, 33 00:02:09,720 --> 00:02:12,079 Speaker 1: so we had decided that we were going to live 34 00:02:12,120 --> 00:02:15,679 Speaker 1: with dad first. I say wee because my mom did 35 00:02:15,720 --> 00:02:19,200 Speaker 1: ask me and I said, okay, that's fine. Again, during 36 00:02:19,240 --> 00:02:21,640 Speaker 1: this time, there was never an issue, I mean, because 37 00:02:22,480 --> 00:02:25,160 Speaker 1: we lived with my dad and my mom, and yes, 38 00:02:25,240 --> 00:02:29,400 Speaker 1: I grew up saying a lot going on in my household. 39 00:02:30,360 --> 00:02:36,520 Speaker 1: There was domestic violence in our home. So I personally 40 00:02:36,520 --> 00:02:38,480 Speaker 1: did feel I was sad when my dad left, but 41 00:02:38,600 --> 00:02:41,560 Speaker 1: I did feel that it was the best decision because 42 00:02:41,560 --> 00:02:45,200 Speaker 1: they were just unhappy and they were always arguing and 43 00:02:45,240 --> 00:02:49,480 Speaker 1: I didn't have a problem with my dad. If anything, 44 00:02:49,520 --> 00:02:52,520 Speaker 1: I had a really close relationship with both my parents. 45 00:02:53,600 --> 00:02:57,200 Speaker 1: So when we lived with my dad, we were living 46 00:02:57,280 --> 00:03:01,120 Speaker 1: in a two bedroom apartment with his sister, and I 47 00:03:01,160 --> 00:03:04,840 Speaker 1: remember my dad had this blue bottom bed and it 48 00:03:04,919 --> 00:03:06,679 Speaker 1: was a twin bed on the top and then on 49 00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:10,720 Speaker 1: the bottom it was a queen and we all slept. 50 00:03:10,760 --> 00:03:13,320 Speaker 1: My brother Mikey slept on the top, and then my dad, 51 00:03:13,440 --> 00:03:15,600 Speaker 1: my sister Jackie, and I slept on the bottom butt 52 00:03:16,760 --> 00:03:19,639 Speaker 1: And then things started happening, stuff that I was not 53 00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:23,000 Speaker 1: aware were wrong at the time. To be honest, in 54 00:03:23,040 --> 00:03:24,600 Speaker 1: my house, this is another thing that I want to 55 00:03:24,600 --> 00:03:27,480 Speaker 1: talk about. My mom didn't talk about sex with us. 56 00:03:27,840 --> 00:03:30,840 Speaker 1: With me, it was a taboo. It was something you 57 00:03:30,840 --> 00:03:33,040 Speaker 1: don't talk about, you know what I mean. And I 58 00:03:33,080 --> 00:03:35,960 Speaker 1: didn't know. I didn't know what sex was. I just 59 00:03:36,040 --> 00:03:39,080 Speaker 1: knew that I had a cosita in between my legs 60 00:03:39,240 --> 00:03:42,280 Speaker 1: and I had to wash it, and that's all I knew. 61 00:03:42,320 --> 00:03:45,160 Speaker 1: And again, guys, I'm going to be try to be 62 00:03:45,320 --> 00:03:48,720 Speaker 1: kind of vague, but I'm gonna be straight up here, 63 00:03:48,800 --> 00:03:51,200 Speaker 1: you know, So we're gonna cut out a cosita. So 64 00:03:51,240 --> 00:03:57,080 Speaker 1: that's all I really knew. When I would wake up 65 00:03:57,080 --> 00:04:01,680 Speaker 1: in the middle of the night and my dad's hands 66 00:04:01,880 --> 00:04:05,400 Speaker 1: were were in my panties. I was just like, I 67 00:04:05,480 --> 00:04:12,960 Speaker 1: didn't know. I honestly was just shocked. I wasn't sure. 68 00:04:13,800 --> 00:04:18,560 Speaker 1: I know, it felt uncomfortable, but I didn't know it 69 00:04:18,600 --> 00:04:22,800 Speaker 1: was wrong. As weird as that sounds, I felt it 70 00:04:22,839 --> 00:04:27,760 Speaker 1: was a form of him showing me affection. It was 71 00:04:27,800 --> 00:04:30,760 Speaker 1: always I was always I would always wake up to this. 72 00:04:31,800 --> 00:04:37,120 Speaker 1: I mean it happened more often than not, and that 73 00:04:37,240 --> 00:04:40,280 Speaker 1: was always at night. Now, one time I was eight 74 00:04:40,320 --> 00:04:42,719 Speaker 1: years old and I was still living with him. We 75 00:04:42,760 --> 00:04:45,120 Speaker 1: went to the beach and it was a beach day, 76 00:04:45,560 --> 00:04:48,160 Speaker 1: and my cousins went and my aunt went, and it was, 77 00:04:48,520 --> 00:04:51,200 Speaker 1: you know, a beach day was on the weekend, and 78 00:04:51,320 --> 00:04:54,080 Speaker 1: my sister, Jackie and I. I'll never forget that day 79 00:04:54,120 --> 00:04:57,599 Speaker 1: because Jackie almost drowned that day. I remember my dad 80 00:04:57,720 --> 00:05:01,039 Speaker 1: was off flirting with some girl and I was left 81 00:05:01,040 --> 00:05:02,960 Speaker 1: with my sister, my baby's sister. She was four years 82 00:05:03,000 --> 00:05:05,400 Speaker 1: old at the time. We were holding hands and we 83 00:05:05,400 --> 00:05:07,760 Speaker 1: were kind of just playing in the water, and then 84 00:05:07,800 --> 00:05:10,719 Speaker 1: a big wave came and took Jackie literally out of 85 00:05:10,720 --> 00:05:13,760 Speaker 1: my hand, and I just remember watching her and she 86 00:05:13,920 --> 00:05:16,880 Speaker 1: was like in this little tornadle of water. I don't 87 00:05:16,920 --> 00:05:18,919 Speaker 1: know what to call it. And she was just like 88 00:05:18,960 --> 00:05:20,839 Speaker 1: going around in circles right before my eyes, and I 89 00:05:20,880 --> 00:05:22,040 Speaker 1: was yelling and I was like, oh my god, what 90 00:05:22,080 --> 00:05:24,080 Speaker 1: do I do. My dad was over there flirting with 91 00:05:24,080 --> 00:05:27,640 Speaker 1: some girls, and my cousin, who was a little older 92 00:05:27,640 --> 00:05:31,480 Speaker 1: than me, went into the ocean and rescued my sister 93 00:05:32,040 --> 00:05:33,800 Speaker 1: from there. It was like beach day was over. We 94 00:05:33,920 --> 00:05:38,279 Speaker 1: went back home. Everyone was scared, and my dad sent 95 00:05:38,320 --> 00:05:41,080 Speaker 1: me to go shower. And it was during the day. 96 00:05:41,080 --> 00:05:42,839 Speaker 1: It was like I must have been like three pm, 97 00:05:42,920 --> 00:05:45,760 Speaker 1: four pm, something like that, and he said, you know, 98 00:05:45,800 --> 00:05:49,240 Speaker 1: go shower. And I remember saying oka, because Jackie and 99 00:05:49,240 --> 00:05:51,800 Speaker 1: I would shower together. And he said, no, no, she's gonna eat. 100 00:05:53,040 --> 00:05:54,920 Speaker 1: You go ahead and shower, and I was like okay. 101 00:05:55,000 --> 00:05:59,320 Speaker 1: So I went to shower, and a few minutes later, 102 00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:02,360 Speaker 1: I was taking off my clothes, and you know, because 103 00:06:02,400 --> 00:06:05,760 Speaker 1: we were all sandy, you know, their stand everywhere. He 104 00:06:05,880 --> 00:06:11,360 Speaker 1: walks into into the into the bathroom and he starts 105 00:06:11,440 --> 00:06:14,160 Speaker 1: kind of getting undressed and he's like in his boxers 106 00:06:15,480 --> 00:06:17,480 Speaker 1: and I'm about to get in the shower and he's like, no, no, 107 00:06:17,600 --> 00:06:20,680 Speaker 1: hold on. He sits on the on the toilet, closes 108 00:06:20,720 --> 00:06:22,360 Speaker 1: the little the toilet, of course, sits on the toilet, 109 00:06:22,400 --> 00:06:25,440 Speaker 1: and then says, sit on my lap. So I did, 110 00:06:26,200 --> 00:06:30,040 Speaker 1: and that's when I just started feeling pressure down there. 111 00:06:31,040 --> 00:06:35,080 Speaker 1: And I remember just screaming and saying no, and I 112 00:06:35,480 --> 00:06:37,400 Speaker 1: was started crying and I just he says okay. He 113 00:06:37,520 --> 00:06:39,160 Speaker 1: was like, you know, yeah, relac, you know, to get 114 00:06:39,200 --> 00:06:41,720 Speaker 1: in the shower. So I got in the shower and 115 00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:45,680 Speaker 1: I was just crying and I just like cornered myself 116 00:06:45,680 --> 00:06:47,560 Speaker 1: and he came into the shower with me and just said, 117 00:06:47,640 --> 00:06:56,120 Speaker 1: you know, don't worry, and he even said, you know 118 00:06:59,360 --> 00:07:01,760 Speaker 1: the way then I'm on that a Mexico. I be 119 00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:04,400 Speaker 1: a Mexico. And I was like what so of course 120 00:07:04,440 --> 00:07:06,120 Speaker 1: I'm eight years old, and I'm like I don't want 121 00:07:06,160 --> 00:07:09,159 Speaker 1: to I'm not and I just stayed quiet. It stopped 122 00:07:09,200 --> 00:07:11,800 Speaker 1: for a little bit after that. I just knew that 123 00:07:11,840 --> 00:07:14,040 Speaker 1: it hurt. I was like, something doesn't feel right. It hurts, 124 00:07:14,080 --> 00:07:17,280 Speaker 1: and I'm like, okay, something's weird. So I just started 125 00:07:17,280 --> 00:07:18,600 Speaker 1: telling my mom, Mom, I don't want to live with 126 00:07:18,640 --> 00:07:20,600 Speaker 1: dad anymore. It had been like a couple months and 127 00:07:20,680 --> 00:07:23,240 Speaker 1: I was like, mom, every weekend. I don't want to 128 00:07:23,280 --> 00:07:25,080 Speaker 1: go back to my dad's. My aunt. I would say, 129 00:07:25,080 --> 00:07:26,640 Speaker 1: she's mean to us, she's mean to us. Can we 130 00:07:26,800 --> 00:07:28,760 Speaker 1: just stay with you? And I begged her so much 131 00:07:28,880 --> 00:07:32,080 Speaker 1: that finally she's like, Okay, fine, fine, you'll just live 132 00:07:32,120 --> 00:07:33,800 Speaker 1: with me and you'll go see your dad on the weekends. 133 00:07:34,040 --> 00:07:37,040 Speaker 1: And I'd find any excuse for a long time because 134 00:07:37,040 --> 00:07:39,880 Speaker 1: I was scared, you know, not to go to my 135 00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:41,880 Speaker 1: dad's house. And I would always sleep next to him 136 00:07:42,000 --> 00:07:43,640 Speaker 1: when we would go because I didn't want Jackie to 137 00:07:43,640 --> 00:07:45,240 Speaker 1: sleep next him because I was worried. I'm like, okay, 138 00:07:45,320 --> 00:07:49,200 Speaker 1: what if he's doing that to her? And I never 139 00:07:49,280 --> 00:07:53,640 Speaker 1: said anything. When I realized that it was wrong, that 140 00:07:53,800 --> 00:07:55,920 Speaker 1: something was weird was when I was ten years old, 141 00:07:57,000 --> 00:07:59,520 Speaker 1: because kids at school, I was like in fifth grade. 142 00:07:59,640 --> 00:08:02,640 Speaker 1: Then they started talking about sex and kissing and boys 143 00:08:02,680 --> 00:08:05,520 Speaker 1: and all this stuff. Mind you, I had been going 144 00:08:05,560 --> 00:08:09,480 Speaker 1: to church, so I was very like into religion Christianity 145 00:08:09,560 --> 00:08:11,600 Speaker 1: with my grandma and my mom. She would go to 146 00:08:11,720 --> 00:08:15,600 Speaker 1: church every Sunday. So at school was when you start 147 00:08:15,760 --> 00:08:18,280 Speaker 1: hearing all these things from other kids. And I had 148 00:08:18,520 --> 00:08:20,240 Speaker 1: a best friend at the time. Her name was Vanessa, 149 00:08:21,080 --> 00:08:26,280 Speaker 1: and she was very very advanced, you know. I was 150 00:08:26,680 --> 00:08:29,440 Speaker 1: a little bit more innocent, I could say, because again 151 00:08:29,480 --> 00:08:31,080 Speaker 1: I was in church, and we didn't talk about those 152 00:08:31,120 --> 00:08:33,720 Speaker 1: things in my household, about sex and about all these 153 00:08:33,760 --> 00:08:35,880 Speaker 1: things and about kissing and about all this stuff. So 154 00:08:35,960 --> 00:08:38,400 Speaker 1: I started learning about this from my friend Vanessa in 155 00:08:38,520 --> 00:08:41,760 Speaker 1: school and I was like, oh my gosh, like that sex. 156 00:08:41,960 --> 00:08:44,199 Speaker 1: When we started talking about it, and you know, and 157 00:08:44,920 --> 00:08:47,400 Speaker 1: kissing and touching and all this stuff, you know, it 158 00:08:47,520 --> 00:08:49,800 Speaker 1: was just it was crazy. And I remember telling her. 159 00:08:49,840 --> 00:08:51,839 Speaker 1: I was the first person I ever told, was my 160 00:08:51,920 --> 00:08:56,520 Speaker 1: friend Vanessa, and I told her, well, you know, I 161 00:08:56,600 --> 00:08:59,480 Speaker 1: think something's going on because my dad does this and 162 00:08:59,559 --> 00:09:01,839 Speaker 1: he touched me and all this stuff. And she was like, 163 00:09:01,920 --> 00:09:04,400 Speaker 1: oh my gosh, you have to tell someone. And I'm 164 00:09:04,480 --> 00:09:06,400 Speaker 1: like no, no, no, no no. I was so scared. 165 00:09:06,400 --> 00:09:07,439 Speaker 1: I was like, no, Hea said he's gonna send me 166 00:09:07,440 --> 00:09:08,800 Speaker 1: to Mexico that I'm never going to see you. I'm 167 00:09:08,800 --> 00:09:10,439 Speaker 1: never going to see my mom, my brother and sister. 168 00:09:10,920 --> 00:09:15,160 Speaker 1: I was so scared, and I never said anything, and 169 00:09:15,240 --> 00:09:17,240 Speaker 1: she promised me that she would never say anything, and 170 00:09:17,400 --> 00:09:19,439 Speaker 1: I didn't say anything. I think I was ten years 171 00:09:19,440 --> 00:09:21,720 Speaker 1: old when I told my aunt Rosie, who was also 172 00:09:21,840 --> 00:09:26,080 Speaker 1: sexually molested by my dad. The reason I told Rosie 173 00:09:26,320 --> 00:09:30,719 Speaker 1: was because Rosie had this thing with me, like she 174 00:09:30,920 --> 00:09:33,200 Speaker 1: was always kind of like upset and I didn't understand. 175 00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:34,640 Speaker 1: I was like, why is she always mad? And I 176 00:09:34,640 --> 00:09:37,360 Speaker 1: always felt like she was mad at me? And I 177 00:09:37,520 --> 00:09:39,839 Speaker 1: always just wanted to be cool and hang out with 178 00:09:39,920 --> 00:09:41,760 Speaker 1: her and her friends, you know. And she was four 179 00:09:41,840 --> 00:09:44,560 Speaker 1: years older than me. So one day I just said, 180 00:09:44,760 --> 00:09:46,640 Speaker 1: since I had a ready known, Okay, what's happening with 181 00:09:46,760 --> 00:09:49,520 Speaker 1: my dad is wrong and it's weird because I talked 182 00:09:49,520 --> 00:09:51,280 Speaker 1: to VanNess and Vanessa told me and she confirmed it 183 00:09:51,320 --> 00:09:54,640 Speaker 1: to me. My friend Vanessa, Remember, I just said it 184 00:09:54,679 --> 00:09:56,520 Speaker 1: one day to her. We were in my grandpa's office 185 00:09:57,440 --> 00:10:00,280 Speaker 1: and I told her straight out. I said, I know 186 00:10:00,320 --> 00:10:01,920 Speaker 1: why you hate my dad so much, because she would 187 00:10:01,920 --> 00:10:04,240 Speaker 1: talk really bad about my dad and she's like, oh, 188 00:10:04,320 --> 00:10:06,480 Speaker 1: your dad's here, your dad's here, and like she would 189 00:10:06,480 --> 00:10:08,439 Speaker 1: be like, you know, she would just make comments, just 190 00:10:08,520 --> 00:10:11,480 Speaker 1: negative comments. And finally I just told her, I said, 191 00:10:11,480 --> 00:10:14,079 Speaker 1: I know why you hate my dad so much. And 192 00:10:14,160 --> 00:10:16,520 Speaker 1: she said, oh, tell me why do I hate him? 193 00:10:16,600 --> 00:10:18,880 Speaker 1: Let's see what do you have to say? And I said, 194 00:10:18,920 --> 00:10:20,959 Speaker 1: because he does to me what he did to you 195 00:10:22,600 --> 00:10:26,280 Speaker 1: where I got that from. I have no idea where 196 00:10:26,280 --> 00:10:29,000 Speaker 1: I got the balls to even tell her that. And 197 00:10:29,200 --> 00:10:30,719 Speaker 1: she just liked cause her feet were up on my 198 00:10:30,720 --> 00:10:33,000 Speaker 1: grandpa's desk and then they just dropped and she looked 199 00:10:33,040 --> 00:10:36,080 Speaker 1: at me. She like came up and she's like, how 200 00:10:36,120 --> 00:10:38,480 Speaker 1: do you know that? And I'm like, I don't know. 201 00:10:38,559 --> 00:10:41,160 Speaker 1: I just know, I said, because that's why you hate 202 00:10:41,200 --> 00:10:45,000 Speaker 1: him so much. And she just started crying and she's like, 203 00:10:45,080 --> 00:10:47,480 Speaker 1: does it still happen? And I'm like no, And at 204 00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:50,199 Speaker 1: that time I wasn't lying because it stopped, it had 205 00:10:50,240 --> 00:10:56,319 Speaker 1: stopped and started dating like his now wife, and it 206 00:10:56,440 --> 00:10:58,959 Speaker 1: kind of just subsided a little bit, and I said, no, 207 00:10:59,080 --> 00:11:01,480 Speaker 1: it's not anymore. She said, we got to tell mom. 208 00:11:01,520 --> 00:11:02,760 Speaker 1: We got to tell your mom. We got to tell 209 00:11:02,800 --> 00:11:04,800 Speaker 1: and I'm like, no, I'm scared. I don't want to 210 00:11:04,840 --> 00:11:07,880 Speaker 1: tell her. I'm scared, Like I'm scared, Like what if 211 00:11:08,480 --> 00:11:09,920 Speaker 1: I always thought my mom was going to kill him 212 00:11:09,960 --> 00:11:12,480 Speaker 1: and then he's going to be in jail, My mom's 213 00:11:12,480 --> 00:11:13,679 Speaker 1: going to be in jail, Then he's gonna be dead. 214 00:11:13,760 --> 00:11:14,880 Speaker 1: Like where am I going to be? Where am I 215 00:11:14,920 --> 00:11:17,360 Speaker 1: going to live? And then we're all was just like Okay, fine, 216 00:11:17,520 --> 00:11:19,640 Speaker 1: I won't say anything, but if it ever happens again, 217 00:11:20,160 --> 00:11:23,160 Speaker 1: you better tell me, and we have to tell. And 218 00:11:23,200 --> 00:11:27,000 Speaker 1: I said, okay, and I promised her and then started 219 00:11:27,080 --> 00:11:29,160 Speaker 1: up again, and I never said anything because I was 220 00:11:29,679 --> 00:11:37,000 Speaker 1: so scared. Now, my whole point with sharing this, you guys, 221 00:11:37,200 --> 00:11:40,439 Speaker 1: it's because for a long time. Of course, I was 222 00:11:40,559 --> 00:11:43,400 Speaker 1: quiet about it, since I was eight years old till 223 00:11:43,440 --> 00:11:46,720 Speaker 1: I was twelve. It really did affect me in school. 224 00:11:46,800 --> 00:11:50,800 Speaker 1: I could not concentrate in school, my grades. I was 225 00:11:52,120 --> 00:11:56,400 Speaker 1: not held back, but I was in SRP. I don't remember. 226 00:11:56,440 --> 00:11:59,400 Speaker 1: It was like a special program because I was delayed 227 00:11:59,480 --> 00:12:02,280 Speaker 1: in reading, in my math, and I had to be 228 00:12:02,360 --> 00:12:04,960 Speaker 1: pulled out of class and it was like the special 229 00:12:05,040 --> 00:12:07,920 Speaker 1: program of like five children that would get like special 230 00:12:08,280 --> 00:12:11,839 Speaker 1: just education one on one with the teacher because I 231 00:12:11,960 --> 00:12:13,559 Speaker 1: was so delayed. And it was because of all this 232 00:12:13,640 --> 00:12:15,640 Speaker 1: thing that I was caring. I was carrying this at 233 00:12:15,720 --> 00:12:18,240 Speaker 1: such a young age, not telling anybody about it, and 234 00:12:18,360 --> 00:12:20,839 Speaker 1: I felt this shame of like I felt dirty. I 235 00:12:20,920 --> 00:12:24,679 Speaker 1: felt like, oh my goodness, I'm dirty. That's all I 236 00:12:24,760 --> 00:12:26,640 Speaker 1: can really explain it, you know, That's all. That's the 237 00:12:26,640 --> 00:12:28,920 Speaker 1: only way I can explain it. Yeah, Rosie knew, and yes, 238 00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:30,760 Speaker 1: my friend Vanessa, who was no longer my friend at 239 00:12:30,800 --> 00:12:34,080 Speaker 1: that time, because when I moved from Long Beach to Compton, 240 00:12:34,360 --> 00:12:36,440 Speaker 1: I didn't see her anymore, you know, so we lost 241 00:12:36,520 --> 00:12:39,680 Speaker 1: touch and I just didn't speak. I wasn't that close 242 00:12:39,760 --> 00:12:42,280 Speaker 1: to Rosie like that to like tell her it happened again. 243 00:12:42,320 --> 00:12:46,520 Speaker 1: So I just really kept it inside for a long time. Anyways, 244 00:12:46,640 --> 00:12:50,040 Speaker 1: finally when it came up. It was always something I 245 00:12:50,080 --> 00:12:53,079 Speaker 1: thought I was never going to talk about. When it 246 00:12:53,200 --> 00:12:55,839 Speaker 1: did come out, I was twelve years old. And the 247 00:12:55,880 --> 00:12:57,960 Speaker 1: reason it came out was because we were at church 248 00:12:59,280 --> 00:13:05,440 Speaker 1: and Rosie was she was sixteen years old at this time, 249 00:13:05,559 --> 00:13:09,959 Speaker 1: and there was a prophet praying for her, and she 250 00:13:10,320 --> 00:13:13,600 Speaker 1: was very depressed and she was going through her own stuff. 251 00:13:13,640 --> 00:13:16,640 Speaker 1: She would always spend a lot of time in her room, 252 00:13:17,240 --> 00:13:19,439 Speaker 1: and of course I kind of knew. I'm like, okay, well, 253 00:13:19,480 --> 00:13:21,760 Speaker 1: my dad has a lot to do with it. She 254 00:13:21,920 --> 00:13:24,120 Speaker 1: was just very depressed and she my grandma had a 255 00:13:24,160 --> 00:13:26,520 Speaker 1: lot of issues with her. So when we went to 256 00:13:26,640 --> 00:13:30,480 Speaker 1: church and this prophet prayed for her, that came up. 257 00:13:30,920 --> 00:13:32,760 Speaker 1: It came up in like when he was praying, He's like, okay, 258 00:13:32,800 --> 00:13:37,120 Speaker 1: the reason she has sadness over her because she has 259 00:13:37,160 --> 00:13:40,640 Speaker 1: been sexually abused. And I remember just watching I was 260 00:13:40,800 --> 00:13:44,120 Speaker 1: freaking twelve years old at church watching everything that was happening. 261 00:13:44,160 --> 00:13:47,280 Speaker 1: I'm like, Oh my gosh, here it is. God is 262 00:13:47,320 --> 00:13:49,839 Speaker 1: bringing it out. That's really what I thought. And I 263 00:13:50,640 --> 00:13:53,160 Speaker 1: ran to the bathroom and I got on my knees 264 00:13:53,200 --> 00:13:54,720 Speaker 1: and I was like, God, please, please, please don't let 265 00:13:54,760 --> 00:13:56,480 Speaker 1: this come out. Please God, Like I don't know what 266 00:13:56,520 --> 00:13:58,160 Speaker 1: I'm going to do. And I was just crying, crying 267 00:13:58,200 --> 00:14:03,000 Speaker 1: and crying and and silence. For two weeks after that day, 268 00:14:03,640 --> 00:14:05,840 Speaker 1: no one talked about it, No one asked Rosie about 269 00:14:05,880 --> 00:14:07,800 Speaker 1: it until one day I was at the library in 270 00:14:07,840 --> 00:14:09,800 Speaker 1: Long Beach. I would always ask my mom to go 271 00:14:09,840 --> 00:14:11,880 Speaker 1: to library, and it was kind of like our babysitter. 272 00:14:11,920 --> 00:14:13,439 Speaker 1: We would just stay there and like hang out and 273 00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:16,599 Speaker 1: do our homework and everything with my sister, my and 274 00:14:16,679 --> 00:14:18,400 Speaker 1: my cousins and stuff. So one day we were at 275 00:14:18,400 --> 00:14:20,640 Speaker 1: the library, it was a normal day. I thought, Okay, 276 00:14:20,680 --> 00:14:22,160 Speaker 1: well maybe they're not going to talk about it anymore, 277 00:14:22,200 --> 00:14:25,760 Speaker 1: maybe it's not going to come out. And my thea 278 00:14:26,240 --> 00:14:28,760 Speaker 1: when of my theas picked me up and said, hey, 279 00:14:29,400 --> 00:14:31,280 Speaker 1: why are you picking us up so early. Mom said 280 00:14:31,320 --> 00:14:32,960 Speaker 1: you were going to come at five, They're going to 281 00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:35,400 Speaker 1: pick us. SO said no. Your mom said that we 282 00:14:35,480 --> 00:14:37,080 Speaker 1: need to get you now. We need to pick you 283 00:14:37,120 --> 00:14:38,680 Speaker 1: guys up. We got to go, and I saw it 284 00:14:38,760 --> 00:14:40,640 Speaker 1: in her face. I swear. I sat in the backseat 285 00:14:40,640 --> 00:14:42,960 Speaker 1: and I said, oh my goodness. I felt it. I've 286 00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:47,880 Speaker 1: always been so intuitive since I was little, and I 287 00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:49,920 Speaker 1: remember just saying, I said, oh my goodness, to day's 288 00:14:49,920 --> 00:14:51,280 Speaker 1: a day. I felt it. I saw it in my 289 00:14:51,360 --> 00:14:56,400 Speaker 1: aunt's face. I said, something is happening. And so we 290 00:14:56,520 --> 00:15:04,000 Speaker 1: get to my uncle's office and my mom's pregnant from Jenica. 291 00:15:04,760 --> 00:15:07,360 Speaker 1: This was in nineteen ninety seven. My mom's pregnant from 292 00:15:07,400 --> 00:15:11,240 Speaker 1: Jenica and her mascara is just smeared. I walked in 293 00:15:11,360 --> 00:15:14,040 Speaker 1: and I was like, I just started crying and I knew. 294 00:15:14,200 --> 00:15:16,640 Speaker 1: I said she knows, and she said, come here, baby, 295 00:15:16,760 --> 00:15:18,840 Speaker 1: to grab my hand, and she said, is there something 296 00:15:18,840 --> 00:15:23,240 Speaker 1: you have to tell me? And I was like, I 297 00:15:23,360 --> 00:15:26,360 Speaker 1: just cried. I said yes, And she asked me, is 298 00:15:26,400 --> 00:15:28,760 Speaker 1: it true? Does your dad? Has your dad done this 299 00:15:28,920 --> 00:15:33,600 Speaker 1: to you? And I said yes, and she cried and 300 00:15:33,720 --> 00:15:37,240 Speaker 1: she held me and it was just it was horrible. 301 00:15:38,440 --> 00:15:41,120 Speaker 1: The cops came, Rosie was there, and Rosie just said, 302 00:15:41,120 --> 00:15:43,280 Speaker 1: I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I had to tell them. 303 00:15:43,280 --> 00:15:44,920 Speaker 1: I just remember her looking at me, She's like, I'm 304 00:15:44,960 --> 00:15:46,960 Speaker 1: so sorry. I just I had to, Like they asked 305 00:15:47,040 --> 00:15:50,040 Speaker 1: me and I said, it's okay. But from that day, 306 00:15:50,800 --> 00:15:53,320 Speaker 1: I swear to you, I felt, yes, I was sad 307 00:15:53,400 --> 00:15:56,920 Speaker 1: and I was like, oh my goodness, like everyone knows 308 00:15:57,040 --> 00:15:58,640 Speaker 1: and what are they going to think of me? And 309 00:15:58,800 --> 00:16:04,760 Speaker 1: like I just felt really but I felt like I 310 00:16:04,840 --> 00:16:09,040 Speaker 1: just felt like I could breathe, and I didn't know 311 00:16:09,120 --> 00:16:10,520 Speaker 1: what was going to happen. I was like, what's gonna 312 00:16:10,520 --> 00:16:13,200 Speaker 1: happen with my dad? And I was Weirdly enough, I 313 00:16:13,360 --> 00:16:15,680 Speaker 1: was scared for him. Because this is what a lot 314 00:16:15,680 --> 00:16:18,040 Speaker 1: of people want to understand. I have seen comments on 315 00:16:18,080 --> 00:16:20,320 Speaker 1: social media like Chiki's how could you forgive your dad 316 00:16:20,360 --> 00:16:23,040 Speaker 1: after what he did to you? The crazy thing is 317 00:16:23,360 --> 00:16:26,760 Speaker 1: my dad was a good dad. I know that sounds crazy, 318 00:16:27,360 --> 00:16:29,240 Speaker 1: but he was. He was a type of dad that 319 00:16:29,320 --> 00:16:31,320 Speaker 1: would sit me down and talk to me. He taught 320 00:16:31,320 --> 00:16:33,240 Speaker 1: me how to wash clothes, he taught me how to 321 00:16:33,360 --> 00:16:36,160 Speaker 1: fold it. Like he was like, if I got in trouble, 322 00:16:36,800 --> 00:16:38,560 Speaker 1: he'd be one to just talk to me and make 323 00:16:38,640 --> 00:16:41,160 Speaker 1: me understand things, and he cooked for us, and he 324 00:16:41,320 --> 00:16:43,280 Speaker 1: was it was just a different vibe at my dad's house. 325 00:16:43,360 --> 00:16:45,680 Speaker 1: During the day. He was a great dad. It was 326 00:16:45,760 --> 00:16:49,240 Speaker 1: at night that things got weird. But I have pretty 327 00:16:49,320 --> 00:16:51,240 Speaker 1: nice memories with my dad. He's the one that taught 328 00:16:51,280 --> 00:16:55,960 Speaker 1: me about Mana, about Anna Gabriel, about Shakira, like a 329 00:16:56,040 --> 00:16:59,080 Speaker 1: lot of music that I love now is because of him. 330 00:16:59,320 --> 00:17:02,280 Speaker 1: And it was just a weird situation because when it 331 00:17:02,360 --> 00:17:04,280 Speaker 1: came out, I said, Wow, this means I'm never going 332 00:17:04,320 --> 00:17:07,160 Speaker 1: to see my dad ever again. And I felt bad 333 00:17:07,240 --> 00:17:10,200 Speaker 1: for my siblings, you know, especially for Jackie and Mikey, 334 00:17:10,240 --> 00:17:12,520 Speaker 1: because they were so close to him. And it was 335 00:17:12,600 --> 00:17:15,360 Speaker 1: this thing that I was always scared to go see 336 00:17:15,440 --> 00:17:17,560 Speaker 1: him on the weekends, but we always did something fun, 337 00:17:17,840 --> 00:17:20,760 Speaker 1: you know. I just wasn't sure if that weekend at 338 00:17:20,880 --> 00:17:23,720 Speaker 1: night something was going to happen, you know. But it 339 00:17:23,840 --> 00:17:27,639 Speaker 1: was such a weird thing. And the weird thing is 340 00:17:27,720 --> 00:17:31,440 Speaker 1: that this happened on September twenty third, nineteen ninety seven, 341 00:17:31,520 --> 00:17:36,520 Speaker 1: when the truth came out, and we were supposed to 342 00:17:36,520 --> 00:17:39,200 Speaker 1: stay quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet, weren't supposed to say anything 343 00:17:39,280 --> 00:17:41,000 Speaker 1: or alarm my dad. Because we were afraid that he 344 00:17:41,119 --> 00:17:43,200 Speaker 1: was going to go on the run. So when we 345 00:17:43,280 --> 00:17:46,320 Speaker 1: got the cops and they took my report, they took 346 00:17:46,440 --> 00:17:49,800 Speaker 1: rosies report. We went to so many doctors' appointments they 347 00:17:49,920 --> 00:17:53,800 Speaker 1: checked us to confirm everything, and it was it was crazy. 348 00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:56,960 Speaker 1: They sent me to therapy and we did family therapy 349 00:17:57,600 --> 00:17:59,719 Speaker 1: all while my dad was just like, hey, I need 350 00:17:59,760 --> 00:18:02,200 Speaker 1: to pay my kids, and my mom would just make excuses, 351 00:18:02,240 --> 00:18:03,879 Speaker 1: Oh well, we gotta go. We got to go out 352 00:18:03,880 --> 00:18:06,679 Speaker 1: of town because the detectives had said, don't say anything. 353 00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:09,360 Speaker 1: So we kept it quiet all the way until October 354 00:18:09,480 --> 00:18:12,400 Speaker 1: thirty first on Halloween, because he was like, I'm supposed 355 00:18:12,400 --> 00:18:15,440 Speaker 1: to have the kids this Halloween. Now you're playing dumb 356 00:18:15,520 --> 00:18:17,119 Speaker 1: and this whole thing. And my mom was pregnant and 357 00:18:17,280 --> 00:18:20,359 Speaker 1: she couldn't sleep. I remember waking up, you guys, and 358 00:18:20,520 --> 00:18:24,359 Speaker 1: my mom was dude huge from Jenica. I'd wake up 359 00:18:24,400 --> 00:18:26,240 Speaker 1: to get a glass of water. I'd hear her crying 360 00:18:26,640 --> 00:18:28,920 Speaker 1: and she'd have a big knife in her hand, like ready, 361 00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:31,000 Speaker 1: like sitting like from front of the door on this 362 00:18:31,200 --> 00:18:33,560 Speaker 1: on this green couch that we had, And this was 363 00:18:33,600 --> 00:18:35,560 Speaker 1: our house in Incompton, so it was a smaller home 364 00:18:36,200 --> 00:18:37,800 Speaker 1: and I would wake up and I'd hear her crying, 365 00:18:37,840 --> 00:18:39,400 Speaker 1: and she'd just have a big knife in her hand, 366 00:18:39,480 --> 00:18:41,720 Speaker 1: like he's coming, he's coming for us. I'm ready, I'm 367 00:18:41,720 --> 00:18:44,080 Speaker 1: going to kill him, and like she was, she was 368 00:18:44,160 --> 00:18:47,399 Speaker 1: kind of going crazy, and that was part of my 369 00:18:47,520 --> 00:18:49,680 Speaker 1: fear of telling her. I know my mom. I was 370 00:18:49,720 --> 00:18:54,600 Speaker 1: like my mom, honestly, Rio's a s Lascozas because if 371 00:18:54,640 --> 00:18:57,240 Speaker 1: she hadn't been pregnant from Jenica, I don't know what 372 00:18:57,400 --> 00:18:59,720 Speaker 1: my mom would have done. I have no idea what 373 00:18:59,800 --> 00:19:03,320 Speaker 1: she would have done. And it was so it was 374 00:19:03,359 --> 00:19:06,639 Speaker 1: such a difficult time. So finally, when October thirty first came, 375 00:19:06,680 --> 00:19:09,600 Speaker 1: which is Halloween of that same year, my mom knows 376 00:19:09,640 --> 00:19:12,600 Speaker 1: how Wan too. You're not going to see my kids anymore. 377 00:19:13,240 --> 00:19:14,960 Speaker 1: You're never going to see my kids anymore because I 378 00:19:15,080 --> 00:19:17,920 Speaker 1: know what you did to my sister and to my daughter. 379 00:19:19,080 --> 00:19:21,440 Speaker 1: That's all she said. And on the other end, I 380 00:19:21,600 --> 00:19:23,119 Speaker 1: was standing right in front of her when she was 381 00:19:23,160 --> 00:19:28,879 Speaker 1: having this conversation. He said, mississitasso and then my mom 382 00:19:28,920 --> 00:19:32,160 Speaker 1: said elastego and he hung up. She calls the detective. 383 00:19:32,200 --> 00:19:35,000 Speaker 1: This was like at seven pm at night. She calls 384 00:19:35,040 --> 00:19:37,160 Speaker 1: the detective and says Hey, I'm sorry, but I told 385 00:19:37,240 --> 00:19:39,199 Speaker 1: him I couldn't anymore. You guys have to go find him. 386 00:19:39,400 --> 00:19:42,400 Speaker 1: They said, okay, we'll handle it in the morning. There's 387 00:19:42,440 --> 00:19:44,560 Speaker 1: too much going on. There's a lot of cops and everything. 388 00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:47,639 Speaker 1: They needed them out because it was Halloween. So they 389 00:19:47,760 --> 00:19:49,960 Speaker 1: go at nine o'clock in the morning the next day, 390 00:19:50,280 --> 00:19:53,200 Speaker 1: on November first, and he was gone. Gone. My dad 391 00:19:53,359 --> 00:19:55,720 Speaker 1: was gone. He disappeared. Everything was gone from the house 392 00:19:55,840 --> 00:19:57,840 Speaker 1: he disappeared for. He was on the run for ten years. 393 00:19:57,880 --> 00:20:04,520 Speaker 1: You guys, there's so much more to this story, and 394 00:20:04,600 --> 00:20:06,600 Speaker 1: I feel like, one day I want to really just 395 00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:10,680 Speaker 1: dive deep into what happened. It was a lot because 396 00:20:10,720 --> 00:20:13,080 Speaker 1: even going through the trial ten years later when he 397 00:20:13,359 --> 00:20:16,720 Speaker 1: was caught and having to relive everything for an entire year. 398 00:20:17,320 --> 00:20:21,199 Speaker 1: I was on the stand talking about details, and they 399 00:20:21,280 --> 00:20:23,160 Speaker 1: try to trick you when they do the cross examination 400 00:20:23,280 --> 00:20:25,119 Speaker 1: and they're like, okay, well you said on your report this, 401 00:20:25,280 --> 00:20:26,920 Speaker 1: and I was like, no, I didn't say that. I 402 00:20:27,000 --> 00:20:30,840 Speaker 1: said this. So it was crazy because here I am engaged. 403 00:20:31,240 --> 00:20:34,680 Speaker 1: My uncle's, my grandpa, my mom, my stepdad, everyone's in 404 00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:37,600 Speaker 1: this courtroom and I'm talking about my experience. I was 405 00:20:37,800 --> 00:20:40,719 Speaker 1: so embarrassed of having to say the details of everything 406 00:20:41,840 --> 00:20:43,760 Speaker 1: that I was like, even I had never really talked 407 00:20:43,800 --> 00:20:46,159 Speaker 1: about it with my fiance at that time, and he 408 00:20:46,280 --> 00:20:48,440 Speaker 1: was there listening to everything. So it was very hard. 409 00:20:49,119 --> 00:20:51,840 Speaker 1: But the reason I wanted to talk about this topic 410 00:20:51,880 --> 00:20:53,760 Speaker 1: and I wanted to share my story with you guys, 411 00:20:53,920 --> 00:20:57,880 Speaker 1: is because this happens a lot, especially especially in our community, 412 00:20:57,920 --> 00:21:00,359 Speaker 1: in our Lant community, and it is a tap and 413 00:21:00,480 --> 00:21:04,439 Speaker 1: it is something that it's kind of like, Okay, they 414 00:21:04,520 --> 00:21:06,879 Speaker 1: try to just brush it under the rug. And I 415 00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:10,359 Speaker 1: am so grateful for my mom that she believed me. 416 00:21:10,400 --> 00:21:12,240 Speaker 1: She didn't question me. As soon as I told her, 417 00:21:12,400 --> 00:21:14,280 Speaker 1: she was like, Okay, this is what we're going to do. 418 00:21:14,680 --> 00:21:16,720 Speaker 1: And she did everything that she could to try to 419 00:21:16,800 --> 00:21:21,200 Speaker 1: catch him, to put him in jail. And that's what 420 00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:24,040 Speaker 1: I want the listeners, people that have gone through it, 421 00:21:24,240 --> 00:21:26,240 Speaker 1: that haven't talked about it, people that are going through it. 422 00:21:26,800 --> 00:21:29,240 Speaker 1: You have to tell someone, you have to get help, 423 00:21:29,280 --> 00:21:31,120 Speaker 1: you have to go to therapy, you have to talk 424 00:21:31,200 --> 00:21:34,840 Speaker 1: about it, because if you carry this in your heart 425 00:21:34,920 --> 00:21:38,080 Speaker 1: in your mind for X amount of years, it's going 426 00:21:38,160 --> 00:21:40,160 Speaker 1: to make you sick. It's going to make you bitter. 427 00:21:41,000 --> 00:21:44,000 Speaker 1: And when I mean sick, literally when we hold these things, 428 00:21:44,040 --> 00:21:48,160 Speaker 1: these secrets in our bodies, they become illnesses, they become diseases, 429 00:21:48,800 --> 00:21:51,760 Speaker 1: and it can even become cancer. I mean literally, I 430 00:21:51,920 --> 00:21:54,480 Speaker 1: truly believe that, and I know that the moment I 431 00:21:54,640 --> 00:21:56,159 Speaker 1: let it out. When I was twelve years old, I 432 00:21:56,200 --> 00:21:59,280 Speaker 1: started doing better in school, I was able to focus. 433 00:22:00,080 --> 00:22:02,080 Speaker 1: Things just started changing for me, and I felt like, 434 00:22:02,240 --> 00:22:04,920 Speaker 1: oh I could breathe, I could live my life a 435 00:22:04,960 --> 00:22:07,680 Speaker 1: little bit, you know, And for a long time. Yeah, 436 00:22:07,760 --> 00:22:09,520 Speaker 1: well you know, from eight to twelve. It's not alone, 437 00:22:09,520 --> 00:22:12,680 Speaker 1: but it was really affecting me. So mother is out 438 00:22:12,720 --> 00:22:15,640 Speaker 1: there that if your child comes to you and tells 439 00:22:15,680 --> 00:22:18,320 Speaker 1: you this is happening, please please take them to the doctor. 440 00:22:18,359 --> 00:22:21,480 Speaker 1: Please go check. Please don't just brush it under the rug. 441 00:22:25,600 --> 00:22:28,160 Speaker 1: You have to listen to your child that is telling 442 00:22:28,200 --> 00:22:31,400 Speaker 1: you something. And if you're going through it, and let's 443 00:22:31,400 --> 00:22:35,159 Speaker 1: say your parents or don't believe you, speak to somebody. 444 00:22:35,240 --> 00:22:39,480 Speaker 1: It's okay. Sometimes people are so stuck in their ways 445 00:22:39,600 --> 00:22:43,399 Speaker 1: that they don't want to believe something because it's too painful, 446 00:22:43,480 --> 00:22:48,280 Speaker 1: because it's too much to confront. But go find someone, 447 00:22:48,359 --> 00:22:50,840 Speaker 1: a friend that's going to listen to you, Find a therapist, 448 00:22:50,920 --> 00:22:53,280 Speaker 1: a counsel, or life coach for you to just let 449 00:22:53,359 --> 00:22:56,680 Speaker 1: this out in the open, and it's going to help 450 00:22:56,720 --> 00:23:01,920 Speaker 1: you so much. And forget. That's another thing forgiving the 451 00:23:02,000 --> 00:23:07,240 Speaker 1: person the abuser, forgive them even if they don't ask 452 00:23:07,280 --> 00:23:11,560 Speaker 1: for forgiveness. My father has never admitted to it. For 453 00:23:11,640 --> 00:23:15,320 Speaker 1: a long time. He called me a liar, and that hurt. 454 00:23:16,240 --> 00:23:18,440 Speaker 1: Even before the truth came out, he would tell my 455 00:23:18,520 --> 00:23:20,600 Speaker 1: mom I kis Sheiki says that then Mantirosa's been min 456 00:23:20,640 --> 00:23:24,280 Speaker 1: Thirosa and just to kind of plant that seed in 457 00:23:24,359 --> 00:23:26,280 Speaker 1: her head so if it ever came out, she wouldn't 458 00:23:26,280 --> 00:23:28,440 Speaker 1: believe me. But then God, my mom believed me, never 459 00:23:28,600 --> 00:23:31,000 Speaker 1: questioned me, and she never allowed me to feel like 460 00:23:31,040 --> 00:23:32,879 Speaker 1: a victim and said no, we're going to get your 461 00:23:32,920 --> 00:23:35,600 Speaker 1: help and you're not. You are not what happened to you. 462 00:23:36,240 --> 00:23:38,760 Speaker 1: And I've had that so like present in my mind 463 00:23:38,840 --> 00:23:41,320 Speaker 1: and I'm so grateful for my mother for that. I 464 00:23:41,359 --> 00:23:43,440 Speaker 1: don't know what I would have done if she didn't 465 00:23:43,440 --> 00:23:46,520 Speaker 1: believe me, if she wouldn't have helped me, But she 466 00:23:46,640 --> 00:23:51,399 Speaker 1: also taught me to forgive. And I know she blamed 467 00:23:51,400 --> 00:23:53,560 Speaker 1: herself a lot, Like what could I have done differently 468 00:23:53,760 --> 00:23:55,600 Speaker 1: as a mother for this? Not to happen, and I 469 00:23:55,680 --> 00:23:58,480 Speaker 1: wish that I could tell her it's not your fault. 470 00:23:59,720 --> 00:24:02,000 Speaker 1: There's are just things that happen, you know. Those are 471 00:24:02,080 --> 00:24:05,160 Speaker 1: just things that that happened. And now I say, I'm like, okay, 472 00:24:05,240 --> 00:24:08,320 Speaker 1: why did this happen to me? And I'm like, you know, 473 00:24:08,480 --> 00:24:10,959 Speaker 1: now I'm like, okay, what happened? Because now I can 474 00:24:11,160 --> 00:24:14,600 Speaker 1: use the platform God has given me, this microphone, this 475 00:24:14,760 --> 00:24:17,880 Speaker 1: podcast to help other people and say, Okay, I'm gonna heal. 476 00:24:17,880 --> 00:24:20,240 Speaker 1: I'm going to be an example to help inspire and 477 00:24:20,280 --> 00:24:22,560 Speaker 1: empower other people and help them heal if they've gone 478 00:24:22,560 --> 00:24:25,520 Speaker 1: through this, because it is something that happens, and it 479 00:24:25,600 --> 00:24:28,800 Speaker 1: happens way too often. And I forgive my dad. I 480 00:24:28,880 --> 00:24:32,159 Speaker 1: forgive him because forgiveness. And I'm going to read you 481 00:24:32,200 --> 00:24:34,520 Speaker 1: guys a quote later in regards to like today, My 482 00:24:34,960 --> 00:24:39,240 Speaker 1: motivational quote is in regards to forgiveness and how forgiveness 483 00:24:39,320 --> 00:24:42,119 Speaker 1: is for you and not for the other person, because 484 00:24:42,160 --> 00:24:44,920 Speaker 1: again that's another thing. Yes, you can bring it out 485 00:24:44,920 --> 00:24:48,359 Speaker 1: and then hold resentment towards your abuser, but that's not 486 00:24:48,440 --> 00:24:49,960 Speaker 1: going to do you any good. It's good to just 487 00:24:50,119 --> 00:24:53,359 Speaker 1: release that person and leave them in God's hands and 488 00:24:53,560 --> 00:25:02,440 Speaker 1: also justoco you know, in regard to therapy, when I 489 00:25:02,520 --> 00:25:06,920 Speaker 1: did start therapy because of the situation, and I've gone 490 00:25:06,960 --> 00:25:11,200 Speaker 1: to therapy on and off my entire life. It's helped 491 00:25:11,200 --> 00:25:14,120 Speaker 1: me a lot because as you get older and as 492 00:25:14,200 --> 00:25:17,000 Speaker 1: you evolve, you start realizing. For a long time, I thought, Okay, 493 00:25:17,280 --> 00:25:20,120 Speaker 1: I'm over that, I'm over the sexual abuse. Okay, cool, 494 00:25:20,280 --> 00:25:25,240 Speaker 1: like let's move on. But then I started realizing that 495 00:25:25,960 --> 00:25:29,760 Speaker 1: I have what you call daddy issues where I was 496 00:25:29,880 --> 00:25:33,240 Speaker 1: looking for a father figure or that love from my father, 497 00:25:33,359 --> 00:25:37,720 Speaker 1: that I was missing in the wrong men, being in 498 00:25:37,800 --> 00:25:40,320 Speaker 1: the wrong relationships for way too long because of that. 499 00:25:40,920 --> 00:25:43,440 Speaker 1: So those are things that even like me thinking oh, okay, 500 00:25:43,440 --> 00:25:46,520 Speaker 1: I'm over it, no, no, no, like, they start resurfacing 501 00:25:46,840 --> 00:25:50,520 Speaker 1: these things. And that's why it's important to speak to someone. 502 00:25:50,640 --> 00:25:52,760 Speaker 1: And that's why I'm a firm believer and an advocate 503 00:25:52,840 --> 00:25:56,000 Speaker 1: of therapy and counseling and really getting your feelings out there, 504 00:25:57,520 --> 00:26:01,120 Speaker 1: because it makes a big difference. Even if it's even 505 00:26:01,160 --> 00:26:02,800 Speaker 1: if yeah, you don't want to tell your family members, 506 00:26:02,800 --> 00:26:05,680 Speaker 1: you don't want to tell anyone, go to therapy, guys, 507 00:26:05,880 --> 00:26:09,120 Speaker 1: go to therapy, talk to them, let this out, find 508 00:26:09,200 --> 00:26:12,880 Speaker 1: the help. Don't be afraid. I know it's scary, it's 509 00:26:12,880 --> 00:26:17,280 Speaker 1: easier said than done. Yes, it might ruffle some feathers, Yes, 510 00:26:17,400 --> 00:26:22,040 Speaker 1: it might cause some tension. But these people need to 511 00:26:22,880 --> 00:26:26,520 Speaker 1: learn their lesson and they need to be brought to 512 00:26:26,640 --> 00:26:29,600 Speaker 1: the light because if not, they're going to continue to 513 00:26:29,680 --> 00:26:32,840 Speaker 1: do it. And that was my thing. I didn't want 514 00:26:32,880 --> 00:26:34,920 Speaker 1: to testify. And the reason my dad is in jail 515 00:26:35,040 --> 00:26:40,119 Speaker 1: is because of my testimony, because some stuff had happened 516 00:26:40,119 --> 00:26:43,040 Speaker 1: with my aunt. She was older when he got caught 517 00:26:43,080 --> 00:26:46,000 Speaker 1: and stuff like that. So my testimony was the one 518 00:26:46,040 --> 00:26:48,760 Speaker 1: that was that really put him in there, and that 519 00:26:48,960 --> 00:26:51,400 Speaker 1: was hard. And still it's hard for me to think, like, Wow, 520 00:26:51,600 --> 00:26:56,520 Speaker 1: my dad is in jail because I testified against him, 521 00:26:57,440 --> 00:26:59,680 Speaker 1: But I feel like I did the right thing because 522 00:27:00,840 --> 00:27:04,879 Speaker 1: it's not my fault that he decided to do that, 523 00:27:05,960 --> 00:27:09,240 Speaker 1: and I don't want him to do it to anyone else. 524 00:27:10,480 --> 00:27:12,400 Speaker 1: And if you were to ask me for forgiveness, I've 525 00:27:12,440 --> 00:27:14,440 Speaker 1: already forgiven him. But if he were to come and 526 00:27:15,280 --> 00:27:17,119 Speaker 1: tell me, or if I go visit him one day 527 00:27:17,119 --> 00:27:19,960 Speaker 1: in jail and he says I'm sorry and admits to it, 528 00:27:20,240 --> 00:27:23,800 Speaker 1: I'm like, I forgive you. I do believe in change 529 00:27:23,840 --> 00:27:26,080 Speaker 1: you guys. I believe that with the right help, people 530 00:27:26,160 --> 00:27:29,880 Speaker 1: can change. I choose to believe that, and I want 531 00:27:29,920 --> 00:27:31,560 Speaker 1: to think that he's changed. I want to think that 532 00:27:31,640 --> 00:27:33,240 Speaker 1: one day he's going to say, you know what, I'm 533 00:27:33,359 --> 00:27:36,720 Speaker 1: sorry and admit it to his family, because his family, 534 00:27:36,800 --> 00:27:38,520 Speaker 1: I don't think a lot of them till this day 535 00:27:38,560 --> 00:27:40,959 Speaker 1: don't believe me. They thought it's something that my mom 536 00:27:41,040 --> 00:27:43,920 Speaker 1: put in my head for many years, and it's not. 537 00:27:44,400 --> 00:27:49,800 Speaker 1: I remember clearly everything that happened, and it does weigh, 538 00:27:49,880 --> 00:27:51,760 Speaker 1: and it did weigh, not really now, but it did 539 00:27:51,840 --> 00:27:54,680 Speaker 1: weigh heavy on me that I'm like, my dad is 540 00:27:54,720 --> 00:27:57,359 Speaker 1: in jail for thirty one years, no chance of parole 541 00:27:58,560 --> 00:28:01,560 Speaker 1: because I testified. But then I said, you know what, 542 00:28:02,520 --> 00:28:06,760 Speaker 1: those are the consequences of his actions. And all I 543 00:28:06,880 --> 00:28:09,240 Speaker 1: did was the correct thing, and I spoke, and I 544 00:28:09,320 --> 00:28:14,640 Speaker 1: spoke my truth. And I'm hoping that I can help 545 00:28:14,720 --> 00:28:17,280 Speaker 1: many people. And I believe that God has put me 546 00:28:17,480 --> 00:28:20,520 Speaker 1: in this position and has given me this platform to 547 00:28:20,640 --> 00:28:24,199 Speaker 1: help other people. And believe me, I know it happens 548 00:28:24,320 --> 00:28:27,239 Speaker 1: a lot more often then we know than a lot 549 00:28:27,280 --> 00:28:30,520 Speaker 1: of people like to admit, and we have to speak 550 00:28:30,560 --> 00:28:33,520 Speaker 1: about it so that it can lessen you guys, so 551 00:28:33,640 --> 00:28:38,520 Speaker 1: that these things can happen less and less and less 552 00:28:38,560 --> 00:28:40,560 Speaker 1: the more we come out and we speak the truth 553 00:28:40,640 --> 00:28:51,200 Speaker 1: because you know somos maas and we don't want that. So, guys, 554 00:28:52,400 --> 00:28:55,920 Speaker 1: if someone comes and tells you this is happening to me, 555 00:28:56,080 --> 00:29:00,200 Speaker 1: please believe them. Please do your best to hug them. 556 00:29:00,360 --> 00:29:03,000 Speaker 1: Just give them a hug. If there's no words, hug them, 557 00:29:04,040 --> 00:29:07,640 Speaker 1: let them cry in your arms, let them release. The 558 00:29:07,760 --> 00:29:09,960 Speaker 1: worst thing you could tell a person when they're telling you, hey, 559 00:29:10,080 --> 00:29:12,600 Speaker 1: this is happening, I'm being molested, I'm being sexually abused, 560 00:29:12,760 --> 00:29:15,960 Speaker 1: is no, that's not true. It's the worst thing that 561 00:29:16,000 --> 00:29:17,959 Speaker 1: you could tell a person. Just hug them, even if 562 00:29:17,960 --> 00:29:22,600 Speaker 1: there's no words. Believe them. Please and do your part. 563 00:29:22,680 --> 00:29:25,800 Speaker 1: Obviously there's a whole process that needs to be done. 564 00:29:27,080 --> 00:29:28,760 Speaker 1: That's my best advice that I can give you, guys, 565 00:29:28,760 --> 00:29:31,520 Speaker 1: because my mom having the mother that I had and 566 00:29:32,520 --> 00:29:37,520 Speaker 1: didn't even question me made the biggest difference ever ever. 567 00:29:38,840 --> 00:29:41,360 Speaker 1: So thank you guys so much for listening. Like I said, 568 00:29:41,480 --> 00:29:44,080 Speaker 1: I hope my story helps at least one person out there. 569 00:29:45,240 --> 00:29:47,720 Speaker 1: Just know you're not alone, and more than anything, know 570 00:29:47,880 --> 00:29:51,320 Speaker 1: that it's not your fault. We're going to link some 571 00:29:51,440 --> 00:29:54,080 Speaker 1: resources in the show notes. Okay, so make sure you 572 00:29:54,120 --> 00:29:58,200 Speaker 1: look at them. And here is today's motivational quote. What 573 00:29:58,320 --> 00:30:02,960 Speaker 1: I told you, guys about earlier. Forgiveness isn't about the 574 00:30:03,080 --> 00:30:06,280 Speaker 1: other person. It's about you. It's about your heart and 575 00:30:06,400 --> 00:30:09,680 Speaker 1: your soul being at peace. It's about you healing and 576 00:30:09,840 --> 00:30:13,760 Speaker 1: moving on. It's about you not letting the past hold 577 00:30:13,800 --> 00:30:20,000 Speaker 1: you hostage anymore. Guys, Forgiveness is a powerful thing. I'm 578 00:30:20,040 --> 00:30:24,960 Speaker 1: telling you it is. I know sometimes it's easier said 579 00:30:25,040 --> 00:30:28,480 Speaker 1: than done, but trust me, forgiveness gives you the wings 580 00:30:29,680 --> 00:30:32,000 Speaker 1: to fly and chase your dreams once you're not carrying 581 00:30:32,040 --> 00:30:41,040 Speaker 1: that heavy load. Again. Thank you, guys, and this is moment. 582 00:30:45,120 --> 00:30:52,640 Speaker 1: I love you, guys. This is a production of iHeartRadio 583 00:30:52,760 --> 00:30:56,760 Speaker 1: and Mike podcast Network. Follow us on Instagram at Mike 584 00:30:56,880 --> 00:31:00,920 Speaker 1: Utura Podcasts and follow me Cheeky's that c h I 585 00:31:01,280 --> 00:31:05,320 Speaker 1: q U y s. For more podcasts from iHeart, visit 586 00:31:05,440 --> 00:31:09,120 Speaker 1: the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to 587 00:31:09,200 --> 00:31:10,040 Speaker 1: your favorite shows.