1
00:00:01,880 --> 00:00:04,960
Speaker 1: Hey everyone, It's Jay Shaddy and I'm thrilled to announce

2
00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:07,840
Speaker 1: my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can

3
00:00:07,880 --> 00:00:12,120
Speaker 1: experience on purpose in person. Join me in a city

4
00:00:12,200 --> 00:00:17,200
Speaker 1: near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It

5
00:00:17,239 --> 00:00:20,439
Speaker 1: could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO

6
00:00:20,720 --> 00:00:25,079
Speaker 1: or business leader. We'll dive into experiences designed to experience growth,

7
00:00:25,360 --> 00:00:29,159
Speaker 1: spark learning, and build real connections. I can't wait to

8
00:00:29,200 --> 00:00:32,400
Speaker 1: meet you. There are a limited number of VIP experiences

9
00:00:32,600 --> 00:00:36,000
Speaker 1: for a private Q and a intimate meditation and a

10
00:00:36,080 --> 00:00:39,360
Speaker 1: meet and greet with photos. Tickets are on sale now.

11
00:00:39,720 --> 00:00:43,520
Speaker 1: Head to Jsheddy, dop me Forward Slash Tour and get

12
00:00:43,560 --> 00:00:44,200
Speaker 1: yours today.

13
00:00:45,520 --> 00:00:48,960
Speaker 2: You take a deep breath and then continue speaking. The

14
00:00:49,000 --> 00:00:51,559
Speaker 2: reason people aren't comfortable with the pause is because they

15
00:00:51,560 --> 00:00:53,960
Speaker 2: don't know what the pause is for. Right The pause

16
00:00:54,200 --> 00:00:57,440
Speaker 2: allows people to process what you're saying. Think about it now, listeners.

17
00:00:57,440 --> 00:01:00,440
Speaker 2: As you're listening to that, the moment I paused, you

18
00:01:00,480 --> 00:01:02,360
Speaker 2: had a moment to process the things that I was saying.

19
00:01:04,040 --> 00:01:07,680
Speaker 2: Do you want to be more charismatic communication? There are

20
00:01:07,680 --> 00:01:11,960
Speaker 2: two fundamental areas. Didn't that just seem really important? I

21
00:01:12,120 --> 00:01:16,360
Speaker 2: was so bad at interactions with human beings. There was

22
00:01:16,360 --> 00:01:18,720
Speaker 2: just a period of my life where I didn't understand

23
00:01:18,720 --> 00:01:19,720
Speaker 2: what anybody was saying to me.

24
00:01:19,920 --> 00:01:22,680
Speaker 1: You're saying that everyone can go from being a shy,

25
00:01:23,160 --> 00:01:26,679
Speaker 1: unconfident speaker to being a prolific speaker.

26
00:01:26,280 --> 00:01:30,479
Speaker 2: Like yourself, being a confident communicator. That's just another series

27
00:01:30,480 --> 00:01:32,400
Speaker 2: of behaviors that you can practice. So when people say, oh,

28
00:01:32,440 --> 00:01:35,560
Speaker 2: I'm shy, I always say to them, that's because you've

29
00:01:35,560 --> 00:01:38,679
Speaker 2: been practicing the shy behaviors for the last fifteen, twenty

30
00:01:38,720 --> 00:01:39,640
Speaker 2: thirty forty years.

31
00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:44,080
Speaker 1: What are the top three things the practical problems that

32
00:01:44,160 --> 00:01:46,160
Speaker 1: people are coming to solve when they come to you.

33
00:01:49,560 --> 00:01:51,000
Speaker 2: The number one health and well.

34
00:01:51,000 --> 00:01:59,160
Speaker 1: In the podcast Jay Sheety Jay Shety then Jiang is

35
00:01:59,200 --> 00:02:04,240
Speaker 1: an award winning entrepreneur, keynote speaker, podcast host, and communication

36
00:02:04,360 --> 00:02:08,160
Speaker 1: coach who specializes in helping people master the art of

37
00:02:08,280 --> 00:02:12,919
Speaker 1: confidently speaking. With Vin's charisma and simple techniques, he transforms

38
00:02:12,919 --> 00:02:17,680
Speaker 1: communication training into an engaging and unforgettable experience. Over the

39
00:02:17,680 --> 00:02:21,760
Speaker 1: past decade, Vin has built a global audience, inspiring millions

40
00:02:21,800 --> 00:02:25,720
Speaker 1: through social media and live events. Vin teaches individuals the

41
00:02:25,760 --> 00:02:29,600
Speaker 1: tools to amplify their voice, command attension and break through

42
00:02:29,600 --> 00:02:34,840
Speaker 1: communication barriers. Welcome to the show, Vinjiang Vin. It's so

43
00:02:35,200 --> 00:02:37,600
Speaker 1: good to see you finally, Man. I can't believe it's

44
00:02:37,600 --> 00:02:39,880
Speaker 1: taken us this long to get together. Have been a

45
00:02:39,880 --> 00:02:42,040
Speaker 1: fan for a very very long time.

46
00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:45,480
Speaker 2: Thanks so much, Man, it's kind of sur real sitting

47
00:02:45,480 --> 00:02:46,000
Speaker 2: on your set.

48
00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:49,200
Speaker 1: Ah, thank you, Man. I love the way you do

49
00:02:49,280 --> 00:02:51,840
Speaker 1: what you do. I love the effortless nurse. I love

50
00:02:51,919 --> 00:02:56,079
Speaker 1: the confidence you're giving people, the empowering ability you have

51
00:02:56,160 --> 00:02:58,639
Speaker 1: to make people feel comfortable in their own skin, in

52
00:02:58,680 --> 00:03:01,000
Speaker 1: their own voice. And I want to start by just

53
00:03:01,040 --> 00:03:04,840
Speaker 1: asking you, like, what made you commit your life to

54
00:03:04,960 --> 00:03:07,440
Speaker 1: helping people find their voice and find their confidence.

55
00:03:07,840 --> 00:03:09,480
Speaker 2: I always feel like the thing we end up doing

56
00:03:09,560 --> 00:03:12,320
Speaker 2: in life tends to be something that had a massive

57
00:03:12,320 --> 00:03:14,639
Speaker 2: impact on us when we were younger. I don't know

58
00:03:14,680 --> 00:03:16,680
Speaker 2: if you find the same to be true, But for me,

59
00:03:17,160 --> 00:03:20,000
Speaker 2: man Jay, when I was young, I was such a

60
00:03:20,040 --> 00:03:25,240
Speaker 2: bad communicator. I was so bad at interactions with human beings.

61
00:03:25,400 --> 00:03:27,280
Speaker 2: And the reason for that is because English is my

62
00:03:27,360 --> 00:03:30,840
Speaker 2: third language. So I grew up first learning a Chinese dialect,

63
00:03:30,919 --> 00:03:34,320
Speaker 2: or did you, And then I learned Vietnamese and then

64
00:03:34,400 --> 00:03:36,360
Speaker 2: I learned English. So there was just a period of

65
00:03:36,400 --> 00:03:39,520
Speaker 2: my life where I didn't understand what anybody was saying

66
00:03:39,520 --> 00:03:43,440
Speaker 2: to me, and I couldn't communicate with other people. So

67
00:03:43,480 --> 00:03:44,640
Speaker 2: I just went through a pit of life where I

68
00:03:44,680 --> 00:03:48,119
Speaker 2: felt really isolated. I didn't realize that I was doing

69
00:03:48,120 --> 00:03:50,280
Speaker 2: it in my career, but as I learned how to

70
00:03:50,320 --> 00:03:52,840
Speaker 2: communicate more effectively, became a professional speaker, all of this,

71
00:03:52,920 --> 00:03:55,160
Speaker 2: I went, oh wow, now I have this skill that

72
00:03:55,200 --> 00:03:56,880
Speaker 2: I can teach other people. So the moment I just

73
00:03:56,960 --> 00:04:01,520
Speaker 2: tried teaching it, I felt fulfillment and I never really

74
00:04:01,680 --> 00:04:04,960
Speaker 2: felt that level of fulfillment before. That's when I decided,

75
00:04:05,000 --> 00:04:07,400
Speaker 2: oh wow, it's cool to do it yourself. It's even

76
00:04:07,480 --> 00:04:09,160
Speaker 2: cooler to help other people do it. And then that's

77
00:04:09,240 --> 00:04:11,840
Speaker 2: kind of when I went all in with it and

78
00:04:11,920 --> 00:04:15,240
Speaker 2: found so much fulfillment. And again, I'm sure you get

79
00:04:15,240 --> 00:04:17,120
Speaker 2: this all the time, but it's the comments that emails

80
00:04:17,120 --> 00:04:19,400
Speaker 2: you get and you're, oh, wow, I'm doing something that matters.

81
00:04:20,080 --> 00:04:22,600
Speaker 2: Was before I was a magician. So I did that

82
00:04:22,640 --> 00:04:24,880
Speaker 2: for years, and it feels weird to say it because

83
00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:26,839
Speaker 2: I don't want to talk down on what magicians do,

84
00:04:27,120 --> 00:04:27,480
Speaker 2: not at all.

85
00:04:27,480 --> 00:04:28,080
Speaker 1: It's just for me.

86
00:04:29,040 --> 00:04:31,919
Speaker 2: The applause at times when I was doing magic, it

87
00:04:31,920 --> 00:04:34,240
Speaker 2: felt really empty to me because I did it for

88
00:04:34,240 --> 00:04:36,000
Speaker 2: so long and it started to feel a little bit empty.

89
00:04:36,520 --> 00:04:39,839
Speaker 2: And then when I started teaching public speaking and communication skills,

90
00:04:40,480 --> 00:04:43,839
Speaker 2: it felt full, It felt better, it felt more fulfilling.

91
00:04:44,080 --> 00:04:45,680
Speaker 1: From the way you're talking about it, you're saying that

92
00:04:45,760 --> 00:04:51,360
Speaker 1: everyone can go from being a shy, insecure, unconfident speaker

93
00:04:51,880 --> 00:04:54,520
Speaker 1: to being a prolific speaker like yourself.

94
00:04:54,880 --> 00:04:57,719
Speaker 2: Yes, because it's all just a series of behaviors. Everything

95
00:04:57,800 --> 00:04:59,440
Speaker 2: you and I are doing right now, everything you see

96
00:04:59,440 --> 00:05:01,760
Speaker 2: a great community to do on stage, everything you see

97
00:05:01,760 --> 00:05:04,800
Speaker 2: a great creator do on video, it's just a series

98
00:05:04,839 --> 00:05:08,040
Speaker 2: of behaviors. The way you're moving your mouth, the way

99
00:05:08,080 --> 00:05:11,200
Speaker 2: you're manipulating airflow, the way you're moving your hands. It's

100
00:05:11,200 --> 00:05:14,039
Speaker 2: all just behaviors. So when people say, oh, I'm shy,

101
00:05:14,839 --> 00:05:17,280
Speaker 2: I always say to them, Oh, that's because you've been

102
00:05:17,360 --> 00:05:20,520
Speaker 2: practicing the shy behaviors for the last fifteen twenty thirty

103
00:05:20,560 --> 00:05:24,040
Speaker 2: forty years. Being a confident communicator. That's just another series

104
00:05:24,080 --> 00:05:26,239
Speaker 2: of behaviors that you can practice. And if you practice

105
00:05:26,279 --> 00:05:29,840
Speaker 2: that for ten twenty thirty, you'd be a confident communicator. Right.

106
00:05:30,320 --> 00:05:33,120
Speaker 2: So it's just behaviors that we get attached to because

107
00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:35,680
Speaker 2: it becomes a part of our identity. And then I

108
00:05:35,680 --> 00:05:38,240
Speaker 2: think when it becomes a part of our identity, all

109
00:05:38,279 --> 00:05:41,560
Speaker 2: of a sudden, now we feel like we're stuck, but

110
00:05:41,680 --> 00:05:44,560
Speaker 2: you're not. And then there's this really interesting concept. I

111
00:05:44,600 --> 00:05:46,200
Speaker 2: don't know if you've come across it before, where it's

112
00:05:46,480 --> 00:05:49,520
Speaker 2: where does your voice come from? Where do you get

113
00:05:49,520 --> 00:05:52,680
Speaker 2: your voice from? You learn how to communicate based on

114
00:05:52,720 --> 00:05:54,880
Speaker 2: the people you're inspired by when you were young, and

115
00:05:54,920 --> 00:05:56,800
Speaker 2: you just learn behaviors from them. Like I'm watching my

116
00:05:56,880 --> 00:05:59,279
Speaker 2: daughter now, my daughter Melody, she's one, and I can

117
00:05:59,360 --> 00:06:03,000
Speaker 2: see her watch us and then start to mimic the

118
00:06:03,040 --> 00:06:05,520
Speaker 2: things we do. Right, all right, My wife the other

119
00:06:05,560 --> 00:06:07,520
Speaker 2: day met her spaghetti. She wouldn't eat it. So my

120
00:06:07,560 --> 00:06:09,880
Speaker 2: wife was furious. Your so upset. She's like, ah, you're

121
00:06:09,880 --> 00:06:11,920
Speaker 2: not eating it. And then she goes, ah, she does

122
00:06:11,960 --> 00:06:14,080
Speaker 2: the exact same thing. Right. And then my son he

123
00:06:14,160 --> 00:06:16,080
Speaker 2: picks up the way I speak beause he's seven. Now

124
00:06:16,360 --> 00:06:19,280
Speaker 2: I notice he has certain nuances that I have. So again,

125
00:06:20,160 --> 00:06:22,599
Speaker 2: the voice you currently have, people think, oh, that's my

126
00:06:22,760 --> 00:06:25,400
Speaker 2: natural voice. No, no, it's not your natural voice. You

127
00:06:25,440 --> 00:06:28,200
Speaker 2: lost your natural voice when you were two three years old, right,

128
00:06:28,279 --> 00:06:30,840
Speaker 2: Whereas the voice you have now, that's your habitual voice.

129
00:06:31,120 --> 00:06:33,919
Speaker 2: It's just a series of habits. And the thing that

130
00:06:33,960 --> 00:06:36,880
Speaker 2: I find the first most fascinating is that when the

131
00:06:36,920 --> 00:06:39,360
Speaker 2: habits move from your conscious mind and it goes into

132
00:06:39,400 --> 00:06:42,919
Speaker 2: your subconscious mind, now you feel it's a part of you,

133
00:06:43,040 --> 00:06:45,719
Speaker 2: and now you're stuck with it. But in the beginning

134
00:06:45,720 --> 00:06:47,600
Speaker 2: of your life you have to consciously think, oh, oh,

135
00:06:47,680 --> 00:06:50,080
Speaker 2: Dad speaks really softly, so I'm going to speak really softly.

136
00:06:50,400 --> 00:06:52,159
Speaker 2: But the moment you do that for two three years,

137
00:06:52,240 --> 00:06:54,960
Speaker 2: now it moves into your subconscious mind and then you go, oh, no,

138
00:06:55,000 --> 00:06:58,840
Speaker 2: that's me. No, No, it's still just a series of behaviors.

139
00:06:59,080 --> 00:07:00,000
Speaker 2: That's all that it is.

140
00:07:00,279 --> 00:07:05,440
Speaker 1: Yeah, I've always loved that model of unconscious incompetence. Yea

141
00:07:05,720 --> 00:07:08,719
Speaker 1: to unconscious competence and for anyone who doesn't know it,

142
00:07:08,839 --> 00:07:13,560
Speaker 1: four stages, the four stages. The bottom stage is unconscious incompetence.

143
00:07:13,680 --> 00:07:17,120
Speaker 1: When you are unconscious of your incompetence, you have no

144
00:07:17,240 --> 00:07:20,520
Speaker 1: idea what you're doing wrong. You probably don't know that.

145
00:07:20,600 --> 00:07:24,280
Speaker 1: You our try and fill every pause, say like at

146
00:07:24,280 --> 00:07:26,880
Speaker 1: the end of every sentence, whatever it may be. And

147
00:07:26,960 --> 00:07:30,360
Speaker 1: we all have an unconscious incompetence, especially in the way

148
00:07:30,400 --> 00:07:33,320
Speaker 1: we speak, and that's when we have this mindset that

149
00:07:33,360 --> 00:07:36,320
Speaker 1: you're saying, where we think it's our voice, but actually

150
00:07:36,360 --> 00:07:39,160
Speaker 1: it's just practice behaviors. And then above from that, which

151
00:07:39,200 --> 00:07:41,120
Speaker 1: is what I love. This is what you do so

152
00:07:41,240 --> 00:07:46,120
Speaker 1: phenomenally well when you're with your audiences, is conscious incompetence.

153
00:07:46,400 --> 00:07:50,040
Speaker 1: You're helping people become aware of how our body language,

154
00:07:50,080 --> 00:07:54,360
Speaker 1: our voice, our tonality affects us. And then above that

155
00:07:54,400 --> 00:08:00,000
Speaker 1: for everyone who doesn't know the model is conscious competence correct,

156
00:08:00,360 --> 00:08:03,720
Speaker 1: where now you know why you move your hand that

157
00:08:03,800 --> 00:08:07,480
Speaker 1: way and why you choose to lower your voice or

158
00:08:07,560 --> 00:08:09,240
Speaker 1: lower your pitch or whatever it may be.

159
00:08:09,520 --> 00:08:11,440
Speaker 2: And that's kind of a frustrating part for people to

160
00:08:11,480 --> 00:08:14,080
Speaker 2: be at stage three, right because they go, I know it,

161
00:08:14,720 --> 00:08:16,200
Speaker 2: but I mean, I still have to think about it.

162
00:08:16,400 --> 00:08:17,840
Speaker 2: So when they do it, it's really interest because I

163
00:08:17,880 --> 00:08:19,160
Speaker 2: see my shoes do this all the time where they

164
00:08:19,200 --> 00:08:23,000
Speaker 2: go hello, everybody, it's great to be here, and then

165
00:08:23,000 --> 00:08:25,800
Speaker 2: they go, vinn this feels so fake, it feels so phony.

166
00:08:25,800 --> 00:08:29,000
Speaker 2: But I'm like, you have to go through that stage

167
00:08:29,080 --> 00:08:32,360
Speaker 2: to get to stage four, which is unconscious competence, which

168
00:08:32,360 --> 00:08:34,960
Speaker 2: is my story yes, and a lot of people aren't

169
00:08:34,960 --> 00:08:37,040
Speaker 2: willing to push through that because they go, no, it

170
00:08:37,080 --> 00:08:39,320
Speaker 2: doesn't feel natural, so that means it's not right.

171
00:08:39,440 --> 00:08:40,360
Speaker 1: Let's talk about that.

172
00:08:40,360 --> 00:08:41,640
Speaker 2: That's really yeah.

173
00:08:41,720 --> 00:08:43,959
Speaker 1: I think that's one of the biggest challenges because I

174
00:08:44,040 --> 00:08:48,120
Speaker 1: think we're both sitting here as people who've trained, worked

175
00:08:48,120 --> 00:08:51,760
Speaker 1: hard at our craft, worked hard at our art, and

176
00:08:51,760 --> 00:08:54,600
Speaker 1: now at this point it does feel like unconscious competence.

177
00:08:55,520 --> 00:08:58,120
Speaker 1: But a lot of people say, well, no, but if

178
00:08:58,160 --> 00:08:59,920
Speaker 1: you had to learn it, then it's fake. It's un

179
00:09:00,480 --> 00:09:03,880
Speaker 1: it's not really phony, it's phony. But what's the difference

180
00:09:04,160 --> 00:09:08,960
Speaker 1: between developing a skill versus faking it? Like, what's the difference.

181
00:09:09,160 --> 00:09:12,560
Speaker 2: I love your definition of home where you say home

182
00:09:12,880 --> 00:09:17,200
Speaker 2: is the familiar, right, and to me, the way you

183
00:09:17,240 --> 00:09:21,200
Speaker 2: currently communicate you have a home, and that is because

184
00:09:21,280 --> 00:09:23,280
Speaker 2: those behaviors you've been repeating for the last ten, twenty

185
00:09:23,320 --> 00:09:25,560
Speaker 2: thirty years, right, So that feels like home to you.

186
00:09:26,160 --> 00:09:28,400
Speaker 2: Whereas what people don't realize is and I don't need

187
00:09:28,440 --> 00:09:30,360
Speaker 2: to take a long explanation for them. I do think

188
00:09:30,400 --> 00:09:32,480
Speaker 2: I think it's important. When you used to ask me

189
00:09:32,520 --> 00:09:34,120
Speaker 2: what my home was when I was young, I would

190
00:09:34,120 --> 00:09:37,600
Speaker 2: say my suburb, So I'd say Salisbury Downs. Then as

191
00:09:37,600 --> 00:09:39,719
Speaker 2: I got older, I started to explore my city, I'll

192
00:09:39,760 --> 00:09:42,120
Speaker 2: say Adelaide is my home. South Australia, right, And then

193
00:09:42,160 --> 00:09:44,120
Speaker 2: as I explored more of us my state, then I

194
00:09:44,160 --> 00:09:45,719
Speaker 2: would say it South Australia is my home. Then I

195
00:09:45,720 --> 00:09:48,280
Speaker 2: split more of Australia. Australia is my home. Now I've

196
00:09:48,320 --> 00:09:51,800
Speaker 2: lived in LA and southern California, like, oh, I kind

197
00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:54,280
Speaker 2: of feel like America is my home too. And then

198
00:09:54,280 --> 00:09:55,800
Speaker 2: as I travel more of the world, I go, oh,

199
00:09:55,920 --> 00:09:58,520
Speaker 2: the world is my home. The same thing with your

200
00:09:58,559 --> 00:10:02,280
Speaker 2: communication skills. You have access to this incredible instrument, but

201
00:10:02,320 --> 00:10:04,280
Speaker 2: your home is such a small part of that instrument.

202
00:10:04,440 --> 00:10:06,839
Speaker 2: Say a piano has eighty eight keys right right now,

203
00:10:06,920 --> 00:10:10,080
Speaker 2: Home to you is five keys because you're only familiar

204
00:10:10,120 --> 00:10:12,440
Speaker 2: with those five keys. But as you start to realize

205
00:10:12,440 --> 00:10:14,400
Speaker 2: you have access to this incredible instrument, you start to

206
00:10:14,440 --> 00:10:18,439
Speaker 2: play the other keys. Home becomes the entire piano. Whereas

207
00:10:18,880 --> 00:10:20,679
Speaker 2: the struggle that people have is the moment they do

208
00:10:20,760 --> 00:10:25,720
Speaker 2: something that they're unfamiliar with. Instead of labeling it as unfamiliar,

209
00:10:25,760 --> 00:10:28,320
Speaker 2: they label it as fake and phony. And what happens

210
00:10:28,360 --> 00:10:31,960
Speaker 2: the moment you do that you stop exploring your instrument,

211
00:10:32,360 --> 00:10:34,600
Speaker 2: and now you are limited to the five keys you've

212
00:10:34,600 --> 00:10:37,520
Speaker 2: been playing with your entire life. And I think there's

213
00:10:37,520 --> 00:10:41,000
Speaker 2: an over attachment to the familiar which keeps us the same.

214
00:10:41,080 --> 00:10:43,679
Speaker 2: Because when you think about this, most people change the

215
00:10:43,679 --> 00:10:46,280
Speaker 2: way they dress, they change their glasses, they change their house,

216
00:10:46,280 --> 00:10:48,120
Speaker 2: they change their car, but they never change the way

217
00:10:48,120 --> 00:10:51,400
Speaker 2: they talk. They never change the way they communicate because

218
00:10:51,960 --> 00:10:54,320
Speaker 2: we are way too attached to the familiar. And I

219
00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:56,880
Speaker 2: say to my students this all the time. Don't be

220
00:10:56,920 --> 00:10:58,640
Speaker 2: so attached to who you are and the present. You

221
00:10:58,679 --> 00:11:01,160
Speaker 2: don't give the future version of your chance. There's a

222
00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:03,439
Speaker 2: future version of you where the world is home. There's

223
00:11:03,480 --> 00:11:05,439
Speaker 2: a future version of you where you can play all

224
00:11:05,440 --> 00:11:06,280
Speaker 2: ata keys.

225
00:11:06,480 --> 00:11:09,240
Speaker 1: I love that concept of we change our hair, we

226
00:11:09,320 --> 00:11:11,800
Speaker 1: change our glasses, change our clothes, but we don't change

227
00:11:11,800 --> 00:11:13,679
Speaker 1: the way we communicate. And I was going to ask you,

228
00:11:13,720 --> 00:11:16,240
Speaker 1: when you have so many people coming to see you speak,

229
00:11:16,520 --> 00:11:20,080
Speaker 1: what are the top three things the practical problems that

230
00:11:20,160 --> 00:11:22,160
Speaker 1: people are coming to solve when they come to you.

231
00:11:22,200 --> 00:11:25,040
Speaker 1: So when someone comes and says, vin, I need your help, Yeah,

232
00:11:25,120 --> 00:11:26,960
Speaker 1: what are they trying to solve in their life? The

233
00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:28,520
Speaker 1: top three things that you hear.

234
00:11:28,880 --> 00:11:31,640
Speaker 2: First thing would be they want to get from stage

235
00:11:31,640 --> 00:11:35,760
Speaker 2: one unconscious incompetence to like, you've made me aware of

236
00:11:35,760 --> 00:11:37,720
Speaker 2: one thing, how can I start to become aware of

237
00:11:37,760 --> 00:11:40,520
Speaker 2: more things? So again self awareness. So first thing they

238
00:11:40,559 --> 00:11:42,719
Speaker 2: go is, how can I become more self aware? I've

239
00:11:42,760 --> 00:11:46,240
Speaker 2: now been I'm awake now to the problem of my communication.

240
00:11:46,640 --> 00:11:49,720
Speaker 2: How can I begin that journey and become more aware?

241
00:11:50,320 --> 00:11:52,640
Speaker 2: And when they ask me that question, then I share

242
00:11:52,640 --> 00:11:54,520
Speaker 2: with them a very simple technique. And a very simple

243
00:11:54,520 --> 00:11:56,679
Speaker 2: technique that I share with them is record and review.

244
00:11:56,920 --> 00:11:59,640
Speaker 2: So the only way to become more aware is if

245
00:11:59,679 --> 00:12:03,120
Speaker 2: you see yourself. And most people hate watching themselves on video.

246
00:12:03,480 --> 00:12:06,400
Speaker 2: Most people hate listening to themselves on audio, So that

247
00:12:06,400 --> 00:12:08,199
Speaker 2: means they've been going through their entire life avoiding the

248
00:12:08,200 --> 00:12:10,360
Speaker 2: two most critical things you need to develop self awareness

249
00:12:10,360 --> 00:12:14,560
Speaker 2: with your communication, and they hate this process. So the

250
00:12:14,640 --> 00:12:17,880
Speaker 2: process is record a video of you speaking for five minutes, right,

251
00:12:18,200 --> 00:12:20,640
Speaker 2: and then when you review and reflect on that video,

252
00:12:21,160 --> 00:12:23,520
Speaker 2: leave it for a day so you're less critical of yourself.

253
00:12:23,960 --> 00:12:26,439
Speaker 2: And once you've left it for a day, the first

254
00:12:26,480 --> 00:12:28,480
Speaker 2: time you grab your phone to review the video, put

255
00:12:28,520 --> 00:12:32,080
Speaker 2: it on mute, and then just look at yourself. And

256
00:12:32,120 --> 00:12:34,400
Speaker 2: then as you're looking yourself, take notes. What am I

257
00:12:34,440 --> 00:12:36,520
Speaker 2: doing with my hands? How am I facial expressions? What

258
00:12:36,559 --> 00:12:38,680
Speaker 2: am I doing with my legs? How am I moving?

259
00:12:38,720 --> 00:12:41,000
Speaker 2: Am I? Do I have any visual ticks? So you

260
00:12:41,000 --> 00:12:42,960
Speaker 2: take a whole bunch of notes. That's the beginning process

261
00:12:42,960 --> 00:12:45,400
Speaker 2: of self awareness. Then after that, turn the volume up.

262
00:12:45,600 --> 00:12:47,800
Speaker 2: Just listen to yourself. Now turn the phone around, play,

263
00:12:48,040 --> 00:12:50,319
Speaker 2: just listen, and as you're listening, now listen to the

264
00:12:50,400 --> 00:12:53,320
Speaker 2: vocal qualities. What do you like about your voice? What

265
00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:55,760
Speaker 2: don't you like? What can you hear? How's your rate

266
00:12:55,800 --> 00:12:59,560
Speaker 2: of speech? How's your volume? What's your melody like? Do

267
00:12:59,640 --> 00:13:01,720
Speaker 2: you hear the passion? If you're passionate about something, you'll

268
00:13:01,760 --> 00:13:03,880
Speaker 2: take so many notes when you do this, What are

269
00:13:03,920 --> 00:13:06,040
Speaker 2: you feel of words? Non words? Right? You get all

270
00:13:06,080 --> 00:13:08,479
Speaker 2: of that down. Then the last step is get it transcribed.

271
00:13:08,600 --> 00:13:10,400
Speaker 2: So once you transcribe it, now you can see the

272
00:13:10,440 --> 00:13:13,679
Speaker 2: way you communicate in a completely different perspective. You might

273
00:13:13,760 --> 00:13:16,600
Speaker 2: notice you speak in circles. I repeated the same thing

274
00:13:16,679 --> 00:13:19,480
Speaker 2: four times? What am I doing? Right? And you'll see

275
00:13:19,520 --> 00:13:22,120
Speaker 2: different things. If you just go through that process once,

276
00:13:23,240 --> 00:13:25,839
Speaker 2: you'll get a list of five to ten things that's

277
00:13:25,880 --> 00:13:29,160
Speaker 2: how you begin your journey of self awareness. Yet people

278
00:13:29,200 --> 00:13:33,520
Speaker 2: will resist that because it's too uncomfortable. They will record it,

279
00:13:33,559 --> 00:13:36,440
Speaker 2: but they won't watch it. But the ones that do

280
00:13:36,679 --> 00:13:42,320
Speaker 2: jay I immediately get a DM after shock. I can't

281
00:13:42,600 --> 00:13:46,959
Speaker 2: believe I do X. And it's crazy because I think

282
00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:49,880
Speaker 2: of one of my students right now where he said,

283
00:13:50,120 --> 00:13:52,720
Speaker 2: for six years, I've been held back in my career

284
00:13:53,200 --> 00:13:56,000
Speaker 2: because my managers and my leaders say that I lack clarity,

285
00:13:56,640 --> 00:14:00,880
Speaker 2: I lack authority, and I lack confidence. And he goes

286
00:14:00,960 --> 00:14:03,240
Speaker 2: and they give me this feedback, yet they don't tell

287
00:14:03,280 --> 00:14:05,880
Speaker 2: me what I need to improve. And you know what

288
00:14:05,880 --> 00:14:07,880
Speaker 2: I realized been through doing this record a review process.

289
00:14:08,720 --> 00:14:10,880
Speaker 2: The one thing that has robbed me of six years

290
00:14:10,920 --> 00:14:14,480
Speaker 2: of progress is my uming and ring. I can't believe

291
00:14:14,600 --> 00:14:17,280
Speaker 2: Umming and Ring has held me back. And he was

292
00:14:17,320 --> 00:14:20,440
Speaker 2: so frustrated, and I remember I had to tell him, I, look,

293
00:14:20,480 --> 00:14:22,800
Speaker 2: that's I get your frustration, but at least didn't hold

294
00:14:22,840 --> 00:14:26,840
Speaker 2: you back for twenty years. And you realize it now.

295
00:14:27,040 --> 00:14:30,520
Speaker 2: But something simple as Umming and r Ring held him

296
00:14:30,560 --> 00:14:33,680
Speaker 2: back for that long and destroyed his perception of being

297
00:14:33,680 --> 00:14:35,640
Speaker 2: a great leader. It's kind of crazy.

298
00:14:35,760 --> 00:14:37,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's what I wanted to get to is that's

299
00:14:37,680 --> 00:14:39,960
Speaker 1: the problem I feel. Someone may see your work and

300
00:14:40,000 --> 00:14:41,760
Speaker 1: they'll say, well, I don't want to be a public speaker.

301
00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:44,600
Speaker 1: That's right, that's not the point. The point is there's

302
00:14:44,640 --> 00:14:48,200
Speaker 1: a promotion that you're not getting because you don't have authority,

303
00:14:48,600 --> 00:14:51,480
Speaker 1: or the challenge is you're not able to ask out

304
00:14:51,520 --> 00:14:53,000
Speaker 1: the person on a date that you really want to

305
00:14:53,040 --> 00:14:55,200
Speaker 1: take out on a date, like you don't feel that confidence,

306
00:14:55,720 --> 00:14:57,840
Speaker 1: Or there's the challenge of you're in a team meeting

307
00:14:58,320 --> 00:15:00,280
Speaker 1: and you feel like your voice is never heard. People

308
00:15:00,280 --> 00:15:02,920
Speaker 1: always overlook your opinion, they don't hear you. What are

309
00:15:02,960 --> 00:15:05,000
Speaker 1: some of those stories that you've heard of people that

310
00:15:05,080 --> 00:15:08,240
Speaker 1: have had those types of challenges that are coming to

311
00:15:08,240 --> 00:15:10,840
Speaker 1: you and saying exactly like the one you just told us.

312
00:15:11,200 --> 00:15:13,600
Speaker 1: They're like, oh, Vin, this is actually solving a daily

313
00:15:14,160 --> 00:15:14,800
Speaker 1: issue for me.

314
00:15:15,400 --> 00:15:19,440
Speaker 2: The big one people keep interrupting me. Not only do

315
00:15:19,520 --> 00:15:23,440
Speaker 2: they not listen to my ideas, they interrupt me and

316
00:15:23,480 --> 00:15:25,960
Speaker 2: then my turn is gone now And the idea that

317
00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:28,480
Speaker 2: I was going to share was one that was going

318
00:15:28,480 --> 00:15:30,960
Speaker 2: to be able to change the course of the meeting.

319
00:15:31,080 --> 00:15:34,760
Speaker 2: But because they interrupted me, now I'm invisible, and that

320
00:15:34,880 --> 00:15:37,440
Speaker 2: keeps happening to me. And then when they ask me,

321
00:15:37,480 --> 00:15:39,960
Speaker 2: they go, why do other people interrupt me? Why does

322
00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:43,280
Speaker 2: it happen? The reason is something that I don't think

323
00:15:43,360 --> 00:15:46,840
Speaker 2: you'd expect, because it comes down to vocal presence and

324
00:15:46,880 --> 00:15:49,360
Speaker 2: physical presence. And when I see them in the situations

325
00:15:49,360 --> 00:15:52,840
Speaker 2: where people interrupt them, the reason is because their vocal

326
00:15:52,880 --> 00:15:55,840
Speaker 2: presence is low and their physical presence is low. So,

327
00:15:56,400 --> 00:15:59,200
Speaker 2: for example, everyone's sitting around a meeting table, and again

328
00:15:59,240 --> 00:16:01,920
Speaker 2: I go, look, send me an example right where you're

329
00:16:01,920 --> 00:16:03,440
Speaker 2: doing a big zoom meeting and you're allowed to send

330
00:16:03,440 --> 00:16:05,080
Speaker 2: me this. Send it to me. Let me see what's happening.

331
00:16:05,240 --> 00:16:07,000
Speaker 2: And when you see it, everyone's sitting down. And then

332
00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:08,760
Speaker 2: the way she would bring up the question, It was

333
00:16:08,800 --> 00:16:11,160
Speaker 2: a woman who asked me this, and I remember the

334
00:16:11,200 --> 00:16:13,440
Speaker 2: way she'd ask it is very low volume. So look,

335
00:16:13,480 --> 00:16:15,200
Speaker 2: I've just got a quick idea i'd love to share

336
00:16:15,200 --> 00:16:18,080
Speaker 2: with you all very small body language. And if I

337
00:16:18,080 --> 00:16:20,080
Speaker 2: was talking to you like this right now, it is

338
00:16:20,120 --> 00:16:21,920
Speaker 2: so easy for you to interrupt this version of me,

339
00:16:22,440 --> 00:16:26,200
Speaker 2: So easy. Whereas imagine instead I said, take control of

340
00:16:26,240 --> 00:16:29,720
Speaker 2: this stand stand. Oh, I feel a little bit weird.

341
00:16:29,720 --> 00:16:31,280
Speaker 2: We'll just prime the reason, just go, look, I've been

342
00:16:31,280 --> 00:16:32,600
Speaker 2: sitting all day. Do you mind if I stand for

343
00:16:32,640 --> 00:16:34,360
Speaker 2: my part of the presentation? Oh great, all right, then

344
00:16:34,400 --> 00:16:36,960
Speaker 2: you just stand. If you stand, now, all of a sudden,

345
00:16:36,960 --> 00:16:39,000
Speaker 2: you're in a position of more authority, and if you

346
00:16:39,120 --> 00:16:41,800
Speaker 2: use larger body language, stronger volume, the version of me

347
00:16:41,920 --> 00:16:45,120
Speaker 2: right now, this version is infinitely more difficult for you

348
00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:48,520
Speaker 2: to interrupt. Absolutely, it's infinitely more difficult because you've got

349
00:16:48,520 --> 00:16:51,960
Speaker 2: more authority, you've got more credibility. But again because a

350
00:16:52,000 --> 00:16:55,160
Speaker 2: lot of people in those situations fall victim to a

351
00:16:55,200 --> 00:16:58,840
Speaker 2: lower default volume, a slower default rate of speech, smaller

352
00:16:58,920 --> 00:17:01,520
Speaker 2: body language, and all of a sudden people interrupt.

353
00:17:01,240 --> 00:17:04,760
Speaker 1: Them, absolutely, walk over them, yes, completely ignored.

354
00:17:05,080 --> 00:17:06,639
Speaker 2: So I say, I often said to my students, the

355
00:17:06,680 --> 00:17:09,440
Speaker 2: reason people interrupt you is because you're easy to interrupt.

356
00:17:10,320 --> 00:17:13,320
Speaker 2: Create a bit of that friction, right, create a little

357
00:17:13,359 --> 00:17:16,760
Speaker 2: bit of that authority. And then again they try it.

358
00:17:16,760 --> 00:17:18,840
Speaker 2: It feels a little bit again they say fake and phony,

359
00:17:18,880 --> 00:17:20,959
Speaker 2: but I'm like, reframe it, reframe it. It's just unfamiliar.

360
00:17:21,240 --> 00:17:22,479
Speaker 2: And then they started to do it, they go, oh,

361
00:17:22,480 --> 00:17:24,760
Speaker 2: it felt really unfamiliar. Then, but the moment they do it,

362
00:17:24,760 --> 00:17:28,360
Speaker 2: they go, wow, people like just from standing alone viving.

363
00:17:28,400 --> 00:17:29,520
Speaker 2: I feel like I stood. I just had a bit

364
00:17:29,560 --> 00:17:31,239
Speaker 2: of volume. I didn't even use my body language, but

365
00:17:31,440 --> 00:17:34,320
Speaker 2: already people are not interrupting me. So again, it just

366
00:17:34,359 --> 00:17:37,600
Speaker 2: goes to show that how you use your instrument and

367
00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:40,600
Speaker 2: your voice lets other people know how they can treat you.

368
00:17:40,840 --> 00:17:43,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's such a great point. It's so true, and

369
00:17:43,359 --> 00:17:45,879
Speaker 1: I hope everyone who's listening and watching right now, I

370
00:17:45,920 --> 00:17:50,320
Speaker 1: want you to rewind back right, go backwards the last

371
00:17:50,920 --> 00:17:53,280
Speaker 1: five minutes everything that then said, from the point of

372
00:17:53,320 --> 00:17:56,040
Speaker 1: self awareness through to just now, and practice it in

373
00:17:56,080 --> 00:17:58,720
Speaker 1: your next meeting. Right listen to yourself in a meeting,

374
00:17:58,720 --> 00:18:01,359
Speaker 1: even record yourself while you're in a meeting as you

375
00:18:01,400 --> 00:18:03,960
Speaker 1: are normally, as you are right now, and then go

376
00:18:04,040 --> 00:18:05,960
Speaker 1: listen back to that and then apply what Vinver's saying.

377
00:18:06,000 --> 00:18:10,639
Speaker 1: Because it's so interesting to me how daily our communication

378
00:18:10,720 --> 00:18:13,040
Speaker 1: is impacting our lives and we think we're not getting

379
00:18:13,040 --> 00:18:16,880
Speaker 1: promoted because we're not networking and we're not technically brilliant,

380
00:18:16,880 --> 00:18:19,040
Speaker 1: technically gray or whatever it may be. Or maybe you're

381
00:18:19,040 --> 00:18:21,120
Speaker 1: sitting there going chair, I'm actually one of the best

382
00:18:21,119 --> 00:18:24,760
Speaker 1: in the company when it comes to XYZ. But now

383
00:18:24,840 --> 00:18:28,560
Speaker 1: I realize that it's my ability to coach people guide

384
00:18:28,560 --> 00:18:31,720
Speaker 1: people because I have that influence. I wanted to ask you,

385
00:18:31,760 --> 00:18:34,960
Speaker 1: how does an introvert get the courage to do what

386
00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:36,920
Speaker 1: you just said, because I'm sure there's a lot of

387
00:18:36,960 --> 00:18:40,959
Speaker 1: people listening to right now they're introverted naturally. I mean,

388
00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:43,120
Speaker 1: do you even believe in introverts or is that also

389
00:18:43,160 --> 00:18:44,120
Speaker 1: a practice behavior?

390
00:18:44,359 --> 00:18:46,800
Speaker 2: Well, there definitely is a difference, obviously. I ask my

391
00:18:46,880 --> 00:18:49,439
Speaker 2: vocal teacher the same thing. I said, what's the difference

392
00:18:49,440 --> 00:18:52,160
Speaker 2: between an introvert extrovert? And she goes, the key thing

393
00:18:52,240 --> 00:18:54,879
Speaker 2: is just how they get energy? Are you introverted or

394
00:18:54,920 --> 00:18:57,399
Speaker 2: you extroverted? I mean, I know I'm very extroverted. I

395
00:18:57,400 --> 00:18:59,639
Speaker 2: get energy from being around people. But she goes, introverts

396
00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:02,120
Speaker 2: they lose energy once they're around people. So she goes, look,

397
00:19:02,119 --> 00:19:04,160
Speaker 2: that's the key difference. Now, let me ask you a question.

398
00:19:04,840 --> 00:19:08,760
Speaker 2: A pianist, if they're an extrovert, would they play differently

399
00:19:08,800 --> 00:19:10,680
Speaker 2: to an introvert. I'd had to think about the for

400
00:19:10,720 --> 00:19:12,440
Speaker 2: all because I thought, surely this is a trick question.

401
00:19:12,880 --> 00:19:15,400
Speaker 2: And I said yes, and she goes, no, you're an idiot,

402
00:19:15,720 --> 00:19:17,800
Speaker 2: there's no difference. You will not be able to tell

403
00:19:17,840 --> 00:19:19,320
Speaker 2: who it is an introvert and who is an extrovert.

404
00:19:19,320 --> 00:19:22,080
Speaker 2: If you listen to a pianist, great music is great music.

405
00:19:22,520 --> 00:19:25,320
Speaker 2: Your voice is an instrument. Great music is great music,

406
00:19:26,119 --> 00:19:29,159
Speaker 2: she goes. The only difference is introverts have to be

407
00:19:29,359 --> 00:19:33,119
Speaker 2: highly strategic with when they play their instrument. Extroverts can

408
00:19:33,119 --> 00:19:35,399
Speaker 2: play their instrument all day. It's more difficult for an

409
00:19:35,400 --> 00:19:37,679
Speaker 2: introvert because you have to be highly selective when you

410
00:19:37,720 --> 00:19:40,879
Speaker 2: play your instrument. It's an excuse that I think some

411
00:19:40,960 --> 00:19:43,159
Speaker 2: of my friends who are introverted used to give and

412
00:19:43,200 --> 00:19:45,639
Speaker 2: where they say, oh, because I'm introvert, I'm not going

413
00:19:45,720 --> 00:19:48,360
Speaker 2: to play my instrument well at all. And as I no, no, no,

414
00:19:49,280 --> 00:19:51,720
Speaker 2: you still have energy. You just have to use it

415
00:19:51,760 --> 00:19:54,040
Speaker 2: much more strategically, and you have to be highly aware

416
00:19:54,400 --> 00:19:57,000
Speaker 2: of how you can rejuvenate that energy. Yes, you have

417
00:19:57,000 --> 00:19:59,600
Speaker 2: to very conscious. It's harder for introverts. It is harder

418
00:19:59,640 --> 00:20:02,800
Speaker 2: for interrovit to acknowledge that. However, if you've got great

419
00:20:02,840 --> 00:20:05,360
Speaker 2: ways to about to rejuvenate your energy, and you have

420
00:20:05,480 --> 00:20:07,359
Speaker 2: good menu items like good things you can go and

421
00:20:07,359 --> 00:20:09,920
Speaker 2: stack on and recreate some of that energy and rejuvenate,

422
00:20:10,480 --> 00:20:12,919
Speaker 2: then you still have to learn how to play your

423
00:20:12,960 --> 00:20:16,159
Speaker 2: instrument well, otherwise you will become that person that And again,

424
00:20:16,200 --> 00:20:18,360
Speaker 2: the majority of my students are the person you described.

425
00:20:18,560 --> 00:20:22,600
Speaker 2: It's the I'm ways smarter than John, I'm way smarter

426
00:20:22,640 --> 00:20:25,040
Speaker 2: than Sarah. But why did they get the promotion? Why

427
00:20:25,080 --> 00:20:27,320
Speaker 2: didn't I get it? Well, it's because if you are

428
00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:30,639
Speaker 2: technically ten out of ten, but your communication skills are

429
00:20:30,680 --> 00:20:33,240
Speaker 2: a three out of ten. Do you think your organization

430
00:20:33,359 --> 00:20:34,639
Speaker 2: perceives you to be a ten out of ten or

431
00:20:34,680 --> 00:20:36,360
Speaker 2: a three out of ten? You are only as good

432
00:20:36,359 --> 00:20:39,520
Speaker 2: as you can communicate. So as you improve your communication skills,

433
00:20:39,560 --> 00:20:42,000
Speaker 2: you start to shine your light more brightly in the world.

434
00:20:42,840 --> 00:20:44,320
Speaker 2: Whereas a lot of my students tend to think, oh,

435
00:20:44,320 --> 00:20:46,960
Speaker 2: but it's my boss's responsibility to see the brilliance in me. No, no,

436
00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:53,080
Speaker 2: it's not. It's your responsibility to shine brightly, not their responsibility.

437
00:20:53,720 --> 00:20:56,400
Speaker 2: So when you take it upon yourself, things change.

438
00:20:56,840 --> 00:20:59,720
Speaker 1: Before we dive into the next moment, let's hear from

439
00:20:59,800 --> 00:21:03,359
Speaker 1: us sponsors. I couldn't be more excited to share something

440
00:21:03,400 --> 00:21:06,280
Speaker 1: truly special with all you tea lovers out there. And

441
00:21:06,359 --> 00:21:10,880
Speaker 1: even if you don't love tea, if you love refreshing, rejuvenating, refueling,

442
00:21:10,960 --> 00:21:14,439
Speaker 1: sodas that are good for you. Listen to this RADI

443
00:21:14,480 --> 00:21:18,440
Speaker 1: and I poured our hearts into creating June Sparkling Tea

444
00:21:18,720 --> 00:21:22,080
Speaker 1: with adaptogens for you because we believe in nurturing your

445
00:21:22,080 --> 00:21:25,720
Speaker 1: body and with every sip you'll experience calmness of mind,

446
00:21:26,000 --> 00:21:29,760
Speaker 1: a refreshing vitality, and a burst of brightness to your day.

447
00:21:30,440 --> 00:21:34,760
Speaker 1: Juni is infused with adaptogens that are amazing natural substances

448
00:21:35,119 --> 00:21:38,240
Speaker 1: that act like superheroes for your body to help you

449
00:21:38,280 --> 00:21:41,240
Speaker 1: adapt to stress and find balance in your busy life.

450
00:21:41,760 --> 00:21:46,520
Speaker 1: Our superfive blend of these powerful ingredients include green Tea, Ushwa, Ganda,

451
00:21:46,640 --> 00:21:50,600
Speaker 1: Acirolla cherry, and Lion's Made mushroom and these may help

452
00:21:50,640 --> 00:21:54,280
Speaker 1: boost your metabolism, give you a natural kick of caffeine,

453
00:21:54,480 --> 00:21:58,840
Speaker 1: combat stress, pack your body with antioxidants, and stimulate brain

454
00:21:58,880 --> 00:22:03,720
Speaker 1: function and better. Juni has zero sugar and only five

455
00:22:03,840 --> 00:22:07,600
Speaker 1: calories per can. We believe in nurturing and energizing your

456
00:22:07,640 --> 00:22:11,520
Speaker 1: body while enjoying a truly delicious and refreshing drink, So

457
00:22:11,640 --> 00:22:16,520
Speaker 1: visit Drinkjuni dot com today to elevate your wellness journey

458
00:22:16,760 --> 00:22:20,160
Speaker 1: and use code on Purpose to receive fifteen percent off

459
00:22:20,520 --> 00:22:25,600
Speaker 1: your first order that's drink Juni dot com and make

460
00:22:25,600 --> 00:22:29,560
Speaker 1: sure you use the code on purpose. And now let's

461
00:22:29,560 --> 00:22:32,280
Speaker 1: get back to the episode. There's such a need for

462
00:22:32,400 --> 00:22:36,480
Speaker 1: ownership and accountability for our lives because, like you said,

463
00:22:36,480 --> 00:22:39,000
Speaker 1: and I for a long time believed that someone was

464
00:22:39,040 --> 00:22:41,639
Speaker 1: going to come and spot my talent and see it

465
00:22:41,720 --> 00:22:44,760
Speaker 1: and nurture it and help me build up. And I

466
00:22:44,880 --> 00:22:47,760
Speaker 1: realized no one was coming and that no one could

467
00:22:47,760 --> 00:22:50,320
Speaker 1: see it because they were too busy in their own lives.

468
00:22:50,320 --> 00:22:52,959
Speaker 1: It's not that they were bad people, or they were bitter,

469
00:22:53,119 --> 00:22:56,280
Speaker 1: or they were wrong, or they were not able to

470
00:22:56,280 --> 00:23:00,119
Speaker 1: spot talent. Everyone was busy. People were just busy in

471
00:23:00,160 --> 00:23:02,600
Speaker 1: their day today. They don't have time to spot your

472
00:23:02,600 --> 00:23:05,680
Speaker 1: skill and your talent and nurture it. If someone's listening

473
00:23:05,720 --> 00:23:08,200
Speaker 1: to this right now and they're saying, Vin, I love

474
00:23:08,200 --> 00:23:10,600
Speaker 1: what you just said. I'm an introvert. I agree with you.

475
00:23:10,640 --> 00:23:12,600
Speaker 1: There are times when I can and can't perform or

476
00:23:12,920 --> 00:23:15,560
Speaker 1: can't bring it out. How do I hold energy? How

477
00:23:15,600 --> 00:23:18,840
Speaker 1: do I create energy? If I have a meeting coming

478
00:23:18,920 --> 00:23:20,320
Speaker 1: up today, if I'm going to be on a zoom

479
00:23:20,320 --> 00:23:22,639
Speaker 1: call today, what do I do in order to make

480
00:23:22,640 --> 00:23:24,560
Speaker 1: sure I'm not my best because right now I'm going

481
00:23:24,560 --> 00:23:26,760
Speaker 1: from meeting to meeting to meeting to meeting, zoom call

482
00:23:26,840 --> 00:23:28,320
Speaker 1: to zoom call. I'm just exhausted.

483
00:23:28,600 --> 00:23:30,240
Speaker 2: First thing is you have to learn how to protect

484
00:23:30,240 --> 00:23:34,000
Speaker 2: your energy. For example, yesterday I was doing a couple

485
00:23:34,040 --> 00:23:36,639
Speaker 2: of different podcasts while I'm here in La and I

486
00:23:36,680 --> 00:23:39,120
Speaker 2: didn't leave the hotel room. The podcast wasn't n til four.

487
00:23:39,600 --> 00:23:42,199
Speaker 2: I didn't leave the hotel room at all, to the

488
00:23:42,200 --> 00:23:44,560
Speaker 2: point where my videographer freaked out and just knocked on

489
00:23:44,600 --> 00:23:46,639
Speaker 2: my door and said, are you okay? Are you still

490
00:23:46,520 --> 00:23:49,360
Speaker 2: all right? Are right? I'm like, yeah, I'm conserving my energy.

491
00:23:49,760 --> 00:23:51,240
Speaker 2: I'm a fairly high energy person, so I have to

492
00:23:51,240 --> 00:23:53,120
Speaker 2: conserve my energy. So all morning is again I didn't

493
00:23:53,119 --> 00:23:54,480
Speaker 2: talk to anyone this morning. I had to waite to

494
00:23:54,520 --> 00:23:58,080
Speaker 2: talk to you. Because if you don't conserve your energy

495
00:23:58,119 --> 00:24:00,399
Speaker 2: and you just give it all the time everywhere, then

496
00:24:00,400 --> 00:24:03,480
Speaker 2: you won't have any So that's number one got to conced. Yeah, right,

497
00:24:03,680 --> 00:24:06,199
Speaker 2: And then the second thing is have go to I

498
00:24:06,280 --> 00:24:08,800
Speaker 2: call them menu items. Have some menu items that you

499
00:24:08,800 --> 00:24:11,560
Speaker 2: can quickly reach for. So one that I love is

500
00:24:11,560 --> 00:24:15,240
Speaker 2: whim off the breathing technique, right, the guided bubble breath.

501
00:24:15,880 --> 00:24:19,280
Speaker 2: Two cycles of that before a meeting. My brain is

502
00:24:19,320 --> 00:24:21,679
Speaker 2: auction ender. My body feels good, I feel like I

503
00:24:21,760 --> 00:24:24,160
Speaker 2: just I just feel revitalized.

504
00:24:24,320 --> 00:24:25,840
Speaker 1: Can you break the bat down for us.

505
00:24:25,760 --> 00:24:29,840
Speaker 2: Just so if people don't know YouTube, but it's it's

506
00:24:29,960 --> 00:24:34,560
Speaker 2: thirty deep breaths in and out, So thirty of that,

507
00:24:35,080 --> 00:24:37,000
Speaker 2: and then after that, at the end of the thirtieth

508
00:24:37,040 --> 00:24:40,119
Speaker 2: one you breathe out and then hold your breath. And

509
00:24:40,160 --> 00:24:42,159
Speaker 2: you'll be shocked how long you can hold your breath for.

510
00:24:42,359 --> 00:24:43,760
Speaker 2: You'll be shocked. The first time I did this, I

511
00:24:43,800 --> 00:24:45,280
Speaker 2: couldn't believe I could hold it for a minute and

512
00:24:45,280 --> 00:24:46,760
Speaker 2: a half two minutes. I thought I was going to die.

513
00:24:46,880 --> 00:24:48,919
Speaker 2: I thought I was dyeing. And then at the end

514
00:24:49,000 --> 00:24:50,520
Speaker 2: of you holding your breath for a minute or so

515
00:24:50,680 --> 00:24:52,960
Speaker 2: as long as you can. After that, just take a

516
00:24:52,960 --> 00:24:57,400
Speaker 2: deep breath in, hold for fifteen seconds and release. And

517
00:24:57,560 --> 00:25:04,879
Speaker 2: that breathing technique alone has energized me, even when I

518
00:25:04,920 --> 00:25:07,760
Speaker 2: am doing zoom calls at three am in the morning

519
00:25:07,760 --> 00:25:10,560
Speaker 2: because I work with some US clients, it just gets me.

520
00:25:10,720 --> 00:25:16,479
Speaker 2: Three cycles that are two cycles that incredible. I was not

521
00:25:16,520 --> 00:25:18,080
Speaker 2: a believer in that at all when I first I

522
00:25:18,119 --> 00:25:19,800
Speaker 2: was like, yeah, surely that's not gonna way what breathing.

523
00:25:19,840 --> 00:25:23,720
Speaker 2: I do that every day, change my life. My go

524
00:25:23,840 --> 00:25:27,480
Speaker 2: to technique to energize myself. The next one to me

525
00:25:27,680 --> 00:25:32,119
Speaker 2: is a snack, something healthy. I love blueberries, raspberries with

526
00:25:32,160 --> 00:25:35,080
Speaker 2: a little bit of cream. Oh man, a light meal,

527
00:25:35,200 --> 00:25:39,119
Speaker 2: I love it. Right, And then favorite beverage, my go

528
00:25:39,240 --> 00:25:41,399
Speaker 2: to his coffee. I don't know, that's what I feel like.

529
00:25:41,480 --> 00:25:43,119
Speaker 2: Some people are gonna tell me it's gonna kill me,

530
00:25:43,640 --> 00:25:46,760
Speaker 2: but I love it. So have your own go to yeah, right,

531
00:25:46,840 --> 00:25:50,080
Speaker 2: have your routine a routine. Yeah, I have a playlist

532
00:25:50,240 --> 00:25:53,719
Speaker 2: of videos that crack me out. I don't know if

533
00:25:53,720 --> 00:25:55,040
Speaker 2: you have you seen videos that made you last?

534
00:25:55,080 --> 00:25:56,040
Speaker 1: Yeah?

535
00:25:56,080 --> 00:25:59,840
Speaker 2: Save them? Yeah, save them because they're patching put in

536
00:25:59,880 --> 00:26:01,920
Speaker 2: a mood. I'll give you one. Last one for me

537
00:26:02,040 --> 00:26:03,359
Speaker 2: is again, I've just got so many things out of

538
00:26:03,400 --> 00:26:03,720
Speaker 2: my menu.

539
00:26:03,720 --> 00:26:04,480
Speaker 1: Are no. I love it.

540
00:26:04,600 --> 00:26:08,440
Speaker 2: I also love orchestral war music. Okay, so like Hans

541
00:26:08,520 --> 00:26:12,359
Speaker 2: Zimmer esque, Yes, I love. And if you're listening to

542
00:26:12,480 --> 00:26:16,760
Speaker 2: Interstellar Hans Zimmer while you're doing whim half as you

543
00:26:16,800 --> 00:26:21,680
Speaker 2: take a sip of coffee, oh man, I'm gonna try that.

544
00:26:21,040 --> 00:26:23,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm going to give that.

545
00:26:23,840 --> 00:26:25,440
Speaker 2: It's an intoxicating mix.

546
00:26:25,640 --> 00:26:28,040
Speaker 1: I love that. Yeah, my routine is a lot more simple,

547
00:26:28,080 --> 00:26:31,560
Speaker 1: but I love no. But you're right, everyone needs one.

548
00:26:31,720 --> 00:26:34,280
Speaker 1: I went on my world tour two years ago now.

549
00:26:34,440 --> 00:26:37,960
Speaker 1: We did forty cities across three to four months around

550
00:26:37,960 --> 00:26:40,240
Speaker 1: the world. Got to come to Australia, a place that

551
00:26:40,320 --> 00:26:42,679
Speaker 1: I absolutely loved. It was my first time there. I

552
00:26:42,680 --> 00:26:44,200
Speaker 1: didn't get to come to Adelaide. I hope I do

553
00:26:44,280 --> 00:26:47,800
Speaker 1: next time, by the way, Yeah, oh no, please don't be.

554
00:26:48,440 --> 00:26:53,160
Speaker 1: We did Brisbane, Sydney, Melbourne, and honestly, there was something

555
00:26:53,160 --> 00:26:55,480
Speaker 1: about the Australian people that stuck with me. I was

556
00:26:55,480 --> 00:26:58,400
Speaker 1: telling you this a bit earlier. There was this banter back,

557
00:26:58,400 --> 00:27:00,679
Speaker 1: which I loved. I would banter would be on stage.

558
00:27:00,680 --> 00:27:03,240
Speaker 1: I'd you know, little quips and things, and they'd come

559
00:27:03,280 --> 00:27:05,160
Speaker 1: back at it and I loved it. And the other

560
00:27:05,200 --> 00:27:08,360
Speaker 1: thing was everyone was so grateful. Everyone would just say

561
00:27:08,359 --> 00:27:10,040
Speaker 1: to me, they'd be like, thank you for coming all

562
00:27:10,080 --> 00:27:11,600
Speaker 1: this way. And I was like, wait a minute, you

563
00:27:11,640 --> 00:27:14,639
Speaker 1: came to see my show. I should be thanking you,

564
00:27:14,680 --> 00:27:16,840
Speaker 1: and I was. I was so grateful that people turned

565
00:27:16,920 --> 00:27:19,399
Speaker 1: up in you know, the thousands that came out, and

566
00:27:20,040 --> 00:27:21,840
Speaker 1: it was just amazing. Everyone was so grateful there was

567
00:27:21,880 --> 00:27:23,879
Speaker 1: such a great energy. But the reason I brought it

568
00:27:23,960 --> 00:27:27,880
Speaker 1: up is I realized that my tour schedule was extremely

569
00:27:27,920 --> 00:27:30,320
Speaker 1: different from a keynote, because a keynote is I've got

570
00:27:30,359 --> 00:27:32,679
Speaker 1: to do it once and then it's done. This was

571
00:27:32,880 --> 00:27:35,879
Speaker 1: every night, if not every other night, if not sometimes

572
00:27:35,920 --> 00:27:39,639
Speaker 1: in Australia, I did two shows back to back on

573
00:27:39,680 --> 00:27:41,719
Speaker 1: the same day because we were at the Syney Operas

574
00:27:41,760 --> 00:27:43,480
Speaker 1: for two days. But we did two shows in one day,

575
00:27:43,520 --> 00:27:47,040
Speaker 1: one show the next day, so three shows across two days,

576
00:27:47,280 --> 00:27:49,080
Speaker 1: and then went to I think it was Brisbane or

577
00:27:49,080 --> 00:27:52,600
Speaker 1: Melbourne that was lost, and so my tour schedule was different.

578
00:27:52,600 --> 00:27:54,640
Speaker 1: But I realized I had to stop eating at twelve.

579
00:27:55,440 --> 00:27:58,280
Speaker 1: My show was at eight pm. I had to stop

580
00:27:58,280 --> 00:28:02,359
Speaker 1: being at twelve. I'd have protein bar around five six

581
00:28:02,440 --> 00:28:05,119
Speaker 1: pm to give me that little bit of boost of energy.

582
00:28:05,600 --> 00:28:08,320
Speaker 1: I'd have a sparkling water because I preferred that, just

583
00:28:08,359 --> 00:28:10,520
Speaker 1: before I went on, and then I would have to eat.

584
00:28:10,840 --> 00:28:12,560
Speaker 1: I'd get off stage at ten to a meet and

585
00:28:12,600 --> 00:28:14,520
Speaker 1: greet for two hours, and then i'd eat at midnight

586
00:28:14,560 --> 00:28:17,560
Speaker 1: every day. Now that's not my normal schedule at all,

587
00:28:17,640 --> 00:28:20,880
Speaker 1: Like that's completely against my normal schedule. But I had

588
00:28:20,880 --> 00:28:23,159
Speaker 1: to find that, And I think that's what's so interesting

589
00:28:23,200 --> 00:28:26,560
Speaker 1: about this is that I sleep at nine nine thirty

590
00:28:26,600 --> 00:28:28,919
Speaker 1: every night. That's what I'm in bed, So for me

591
00:28:29,040 --> 00:28:33,080
Speaker 1: to be having to eat dinner at midnight is so abnormal.

592
00:28:33,119 --> 00:28:35,159
Speaker 1: But I found that there was a different routine. I

593
00:28:35,160 --> 00:28:38,480
Speaker 1: also didn't go out to any noisy places before or

594
00:28:38,520 --> 00:28:41,000
Speaker 1: after the show because I had to be on vocal rest.

595
00:28:41,200 --> 00:28:42,760
Speaker 1: I knew i'd lose my voice if I went to

596
00:28:42,800 --> 00:28:45,200
Speaker 1: a restaurant or whatever. So for three four months I

597
00:28:45,200 --> 00:28:47,080
Speaker 1: didn't go to a restaurant. While I was out in

598
00:28:47,080 --> 00:28:48,720
Speaker 1: all these cool cities. I was like, Oh, did you

599
00:28:48,760 --> 00:28:49,320
Speaker 1: go to this place?

600
00:28:49,360 --> 00:28:49,560
Speaker 2: Did it?

601
00:28:49,600 --> 00:28:51,000
Speaker 1: I was like, no, I didn't go to any of

602
00:28:51,040 --> 00:28:53,680
Speaker 1: those places because I would have lost my voice and

603
00:28:53,680 --> 00:28:55,400
Speaker 1: then I wouldn't be able to perform. And I think

604
00:28:55,440 --> 00:28:58,800
Speaker 1: that's the important part of the craft, that there's a

605
00:28:58,920 --> 00:29:03,480
Speaker 1: dedication and a surrender to this is what matters, and

606
00:29:03,480 --> 00:29:05,280
Speaker 1: therefore some of this other stuff is going to have

607
00:29:05,320 --> 00:29:06,800
Speaker 1: to fall by the wayside.

608
00:29:07,120 --> 00:29:10,120
Speaker 2: And what you just said made me think the importance

609
00:29:10,160 --> 00:29:13,360
Speaker 2: of finding what works for you. Yes, I feel like

610
00:29:13,440 --> 00:29:16,200
Speaker 2: people have this misunderstanding that I should just have this

611
00:29:16,320 --> 00:29:18,640
Speaker 2: energy naturally. Back to your original question, right, I should

612
00:29:18,640 --> 00:29:20,280
Speaker 2: just have it naturally, and if I don't have it naturally,

613
00:29:20,320 --> 00:29:22,320
Speaker 2: there's something wrong with me. It's like, no, you have

614
00:29:22,440 --> 00:29:25,600
Speaker 2: to not eat for eight hours to get yourself into

615
00:29:25,640 --> 00:29:28,400
Speaker 2: the right state. And I think that fastest state helps

616
00:29:28,440 --> 00:29:30,719
Speaker 2: us think more sharp and helps us be more on

617
00:29:30,760 --> 00:29:36,800
Speaker 2: point right, And it takes work to show up with energy, intension,

618
00:29:36,920 --> 00:29:39,520
Speaker 2: and purpose, Whereas I think people have this illusion in

619
00:29:39,560 --> 00:29:41,120
Speaker 2: their minds that oh, it should be easy yeah, and

620
00:29:41,720 --> 00:29:44,920
Speaker 2: a week yeah, or there's something wrong is no, no, no, no,

621
00:29:44,920 --> 00:29:46,880
Speaker 2: no no. There's a craft to it. Like even preparing

622
00:29:46,920 --> 00:29:48,160
Speaker 2: for a zoom call, some people go, oh, is that

623
00:29:48,200 --> 00:29:51,240
Speaker 2: a bit much, But that's how you show up three

624
00:29:51,320 --> 00:29:55,200
Speaker 2: zoom calls, back to back, structure it with fifteen minutes

625
00:29:55,200 --> 00:29:58,840
Speaker 2: in between. You have to reset. Even for me, it's

626
00:29:59,000 --> 00:30:03,520
Speaker 2: doing these podcasts, traveling overseas. I'm exhausted. But then again,

627
00:30:03,560 --> 00:30:05,480
Speaker 2: if I choose to give this energy, I need to

628
00:30:05,520 --> 00:30:08,280
Speaker 2: conserve it. I need to have ways to rejuvenate it,

629
00:30:08,560 --> 00:30:10,160
Speaker 2: and I have to go through the process and you

630
00:30:10,160 --> 00:30:11,520
Speaker 2: have to commit to the craft. You have to commit

631
00:30:11,600 --> 00:30:15,280
Speaker 2: to that discipline. Whereas if you one night did eat

632
00:30:15,360 --> 00:30:17,720
Speaker 2: at six pm, well then that show wouldn't be as great,

633
00:30:17,760 --> 00:30:20,720
Speaker 2: but you were dedicated. And I think that that is

634
00:30:20,760 --> 00:30:24,040
Speaker 2: what people have to really understand is there are ways

635
00:30:24,040 --> 00:30:26,680
Speaker 2: to do it, but you've got to take yourself through

636
00:30:26,680 --> 00:30:27,160
Speaker 2: the process.

637
00:30:27,280 --> 00:30:30,320
Speaker 1: Yeah. Absolutely. For someone who's listening to their voice, now

638
00:30:30,360 --> 00:30:32,520
Speaker 1: they're listening to us, they're like, vin, I'm going to

639
00:30:32,600 --> 00:30:34,640
Speaker 1: listen to this. They start listening back to their voice

640
00:30:35,280 --> 00:30:38,760
Speaker 1: and they cringe at their voice because we all have

641
00:30:38,920 --> 00:30:41,680
Speaker 1: this strange and by the way, we all have it.

642
00:30:41,720 --> 00:30:43,280
Speaker 1: I have and I want to say that here, I

643
00:30:43,400 --> 00:30:47,240
Speaker 1: have that too. No one likes listening to the sound

644
00:30:47,280 --> 00:30:50,760
Speaker 1: of their own voice. There's something uncomfortable about it. First

645
00:30:50,760 --> 00:30:53,120
Speaker 1: of all, do you know where that comes from? And

646
00:30:53,160 --> 00:30:55,600
Speaker 1: then what do we do about that? When you're listening

647
00:30:55,640 --> 00:30:59,000
Speaker 1: back and you just you know, your body, your face,

648
00:30:59,080 --> 00:31:00,440
Speaker 1: everything's just listening.

649
00:31:00,480 --> 00:31:02,200
Speaker 2: Is when you look at yourself on video two. And

650
00:31:02,240 --> 00:31:04,360
Speaker 2: there's a reason for that. The reason we hate the

651
00:31:04,360 --> 00:31:06,120
Speaker 2: sound of our voice is because when we hear ourselves

652
00:31:06,160 --> 00:31:09,000
Speaker 2: on the recording, that's not where how we sound to ourselves.

653
00:31:09,600 --> 00:31:12,200
Speaker 2: The way you sound to yourself. You have a deep, rich,

654
00:31:12,320 --> 00:31:14,640
Speaker 2: barry wide voice, right, And the reason you have a

655
00:31:14,640 --> 00:31:17,880
Speaker 2: different sounding voice to yourself is when you're speaking the

656
00:31:18,000 --> 00:31:21,160
Speaker 2: vibrations go through your bones and your muscles, and then

657
00:31:21,200 --> 00:31:23,720
Speaker 2: it hits your ears. The vibrations of the sound is

658
00:31:23,760 --> 00:31:26,200
Speaker 2: going through a more dense medium, which creates a lower

659
00:31:26,240 --> 00:31:30,400
Speaker 2: pitch sound. So when you hear yourself via an audio replay,

660
00:31:30,840 --> 00:31:33,880
Speaker 2: that's going through the air waves, so your voice sounds

661
00:31:34,280 --> 00:31:38,720
Speaker 2: thinner and higher pitch. So you immediately go, no, no, no h,

662
00:31:39,120 --> 00:31:41,200
Speaker 2: I don't sound like that. I sound like this. I

663
00:31:41,240 --> 00:31:44,160
Speaker 2: don't sound like this, and they freak out. So that

664
00:31:44,440 --> 00:31:47,040
Speaker 2: difference in the medium in which you're receiving the sound

665
00:31:47,520 --> 00:31:51,959
Speaker 2: causes people immediately to reject because it actually does sound different.

666
00:31:52,360 --> 00:31:53,880
Speaker 2: The reason why people are like looking at those ons

667
00:31:53,880 --> 00:31:55,640
Speaker 2: of video is because it's fipped the other way, and

668
00:31:55,640 --> 00:31:57,480
Speaker 2: they go, I had to look like that because you

669
00:31:57,480 --> 00:31:59,240
Speaker 2: look at yourself in the mirror every day, whereas on

670
00:31:59,280 --> 00:32:01,320
Speaker 2: camera it shows the way other people see you. Whereas

671
00:32:01,360 --> 00:32:02,880
Speaker 2: when you look at yourself in the mirror, it's flipped.

672
00:32:03,240 --> 00:32:06,640
Speaker 2: So your entire life, you've seen yourself a certain way. Right,

673
00:32:06,800 --> 00:32:09,680
Speaker 2: unless your face is perfectly symmetrical, right, then you go, oh, no,

674
00:32:09,720 --> 00:32:11,800
Speaker 2: I don't look like that. So immediately people go, I

675
00:32:11,800 --> 00:32:15,240
Speaker 2: look weird. I sound weird. So the thing you need

676
00:32:15,280 --> 00:32:19,240
Speaker 2: to do. There is desensitize it. Mate. Just listen to

677
00:32:19,240 --> 00:32:21,880
Speaker 2: yourself over note, like, do you listen to a podcast now,

678
00:32:21,920 --> 00:32:23,360
Speaker 2: and do you still freak out about your voice?

679
00:32:23,400 --> 00:32:23,880
Speaker 1: Not anymore?

680
00:32:23,920 --> 00:32:26,840
Speaker 2: Not more anymore, because you're desensitized. So what happens is

681
00:32:26,840 --> 00:32:29,040
Speaker 2: a calibration happens what you hear in your head and

682
00:32:29,080 --> 00:32:31,560
Speaker 2: what you hear on an audio replay. The calibration starts

683
00:32:31,600 --> 00:32:33,600
Speaker 2: to just do this, and then gradually you can't hear

684
00:32:33,600 --> 00:32:35,960
Speaker 2: the difference anymore. And then when you look at yourself

685
00:32:35,920 --> 00:32:37,840
Speaker 2: and I'm on camera and also in the mirror, the

686
00:32:37,840 --> 00:32:40,320
Speaker 2: calibration starts to happen. You go, oh, that's me, Oh,

687
00:32:40,360 --> 00:32:43,239
Speaker 2: that's just me. Yeah, it's painful, but if you go

688
00:32:43,360 --> 00:32:45,320
Speaker 2: through that, you get over it.

689
00:32:45,560 --> 00:32:47,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's all that discomfort in the beginning. Yeah, it

690
00:32:47,960 --> 00:32:49,200
Speaker 1: is that we all need to go through. I was

691
00:32:49,320 --> 00:32:51,440
Speaker 1: we were doing about this earlier. So I was really

692
00:32:51,480 --> 00:32:55,360
Speaker 1: fortunate because when I was eleven years old, my parents

693
00:32:55,360 --> 00:32:57,320
Speaker 1: were so scared that I was so shy and so

694
00:32:57,920 --> 00:33:00,720
Speaker 1: insecure that they forced me to go to public speaking school.

695
00:33:01,040 --> 00:33:04,680
Speaker 1: And so my school had an extracurricular activity with the

696
00:33:04,800 --> 00:33:07,920
Speaker 1: London Academy of Music, Drama and Arts for seven years.

697
00:33:08,200 --> 00:33:10,600
Speaker 1: I had about three sessions a week of two to

698
00:33:10,680 --> 00:33:13,400
Speaker 1: three hours each. It was fairly rigorous, and you'd have

699
00:33:13,440 --> 00:33:16,280
Speaker 1: to take exams, and the exams were pretty rigorous too.

700
00:33:16,280 --> 00:33:19,280
Speaker 1: So every year you'd go to this exam and you

701
00:33:19,440 --> 00:33:21,720
Speaker 1: turn up and the examiner would be in a room,

702
00:33:21,800 --> 00:33:24,560
Speaker 1: and before you'd meet the examiner, you'd get you could

703
00:33:24,600 --> 00:33:27,360
Speaker 1: take a book. It could be any book you wanted,

704
00:33:27,880 --> 00:33:30,480
Speaker 1: but they were going to pick any page and ask

705
00:33:30,560 --> 00:33:35,200
Speaker 1: you to read it in a emotive, dramatic and powerful way.

706
00:33:35,680 --> 00:33:37,680
Speaker 1: And so they could pick any page out of a book.

707
00:33:38,200 --> 00:33:40,840
Speaker 1: The next part of the test was they would give

708
00:33:40,840 --> 00:33:45,000
Speaker 1: you a topic fifteen minutes before you'd be in a library.

709
00:33:45,040 --> 00:33:48,400
Speaker 1: This is when we didn't have you know, yeah, they

710
00:33:48,480 --> 00:33:51,160
Speaker 1: probably was the Internet, but there wasn't this. They'd wanted

711
00:33:51,160 --> 00:33:52,440
Speaker 1: to keep you away from all of that. You'd be

712
00:33:52,480 --> 00:33:55,400
Speaker 1: in a library and you'd have fifteen minutes to preper

713
00:33:55,440 --> 00:33:59,200
Speaker 1: talk about the dangers of smoking or whatever. It was

714
00:33:59,240 --> 00:34:02,200
Speaker 1: a topic that picked and you had to structure a

715
00:34:02,240 --> 00:34:04,280
Speaker 1: talk out and the talk had to be five minutes long,

716
00:34:04,680 --> 00:34:06,720
Speaker 1: and so you had to do that. The third part

717
00:34:06,760 --> 00:34:10,080
Speaker 1: of it was you had a prepared presentation with visual aids.

718
00:34:10,320 --> 00:34:14,960
Speaker 1: This is when we still use projector screens and ye, yeah, yeah,

719
00:34:15,080 --> 00:34:17,320
Speaker 1: And then you were tested on that, including the visual

720
00:34:17,320 --> 00:34:19,000
Speaker 1: aids that you used, and I'm sure there were a

721
00:34:19,040 --> 00:34:21,040
Speaker 1: couple of other things as well, and then you'd get

722
00:34:21,040 --> 00:34:24,719
Speaker 1: graded and it was uncomfortable. We'd be sitting in a

723
00:34:24,719 --> 00:34:27,719
Speaker 1: class and remember we're all like young teenagers at this point,

724
00:34:28,120 --> 00:34:31,359
Speaker 1: so everyone's even more judgmentor and more you know. And

725
00:34:31,600 --> 00:34:33,200
Speaker 1: you get into the class and you're all making these

726
00:34:33,239 --> 00:34:36,120
Speaker 1: weird faces to try and warm yourselves up, and they're

727
00:34:36,120 --> 00:34:39,960
Speaker 1: telling you to enunciate and pronounce all of the letters differently,

728
00:34:40,000 --> 00:34:41,600
Speaker 1: and you're doing all these silly things. Your friends are

729
00:34:41,640 --> 00:34:45,080
Speaker 1: laughing at you, and it's exactly what you're saying. The

730
00:34:45,080 --> 00:34:48,080
Speaker 1: reason I brought it up is that it was years

731
00:34:48,080 --> 00:34:53,080
Speaker 1: of discomfort. It was just years of looking silly, looking stupid,

732
00:34:53,239 --> 00:34:56,839
Speaker 1: sounding bad, giving a bad talk, giving a bad presentation,

733
00:34:57,680 --> 00:35:00,480
Speaker 1: walking into a room. Then all of us sudden that

734
00:35:00,520 --> 00:35:04,720
Speaker 1: discomfort change to confidence. And I find that for most

735
00:35:04,719 --> 00:35:08,200
Speaker 1: of us, especially as you get older, going through that

736
00:35:08,280 --> 00:35:11,200
Speaker 1: discomfort becomes harder. For example of me and you. I

737
00:35:11,239 --> 00:35:13,279
Speaker 1: don't know how old you are, but I tried to

738
00:35:13,280 --> 00:35:15,080
Speaker 1: pick up a sport A couple of years ago in

739
00:35:15,120 --> 00:35:18,839
Speaker 1: the pandemic. It was much harder for me to learn

740
00:35:18,840 --> 00:35:20,600
Speaker 1: a sport at this age than if I played it

741
00:35:20,600 --> 00:35:24,840
Speaker 1: in my teens. So when you're meeting people in their twenties, thirties,

742
00:35:24,840 --> 00:35:28,440
Speaker 1: maybe forties, fifties, and they're trying to change their instrument,

743
00:35:28,600 --> 00:35:32,319
Speaker 1: they're trying to change their voice, that discomfort is so

744
00:35:32,440 --> 00:35:34,960
Speaker 1: much harder than when I started at eleven or whatever

745
00:35:35,000 --> 00:35:36,200
Speaker 1: age you started at.

746
00:35:36,320 --> 00:35:36,799
Speaker 2: How do you.

747
00:35:36,800 --> 00:35:40,239
Speaker 1: Encourage people to sit with that discomfort, to go through that,

748
00:35:40,360 --> 00:35:41,720
Speaker 1: because it is harder.

749
00:35:41,960 --> 00:35:44,440
Speaker 2: Such a beautiful insight that you shared there. The reason

750
00:35:44,480 --> 00:35:47,279
Speaker 2: it was easier for you at eleven is because you

751
00:35:47,360 --> 00:35:49,920
Speaker 2: were new to a lot of these behaviors completely. The

752
00:35:50,040 --> 00:35:52,520
Speaker 2: behaviors haven't been ingrained in you yet, whereas when you're

753
00:35:52,600 --> 00:35:54,480
Speaker 2: forty now, I'm thirty.

754
00:35:54,239 --> 00:35:56,080
Speaker 1: Eight, so I'm thirty seven. So yeah.

755
00:35:56,760 --> 00:35:59,560
Speaker 2: So once you're forty and you realize this, you've done

756
00:35:59,640 --> 00:36:02,839
Speaker 2: forty years of repeating one behavior, two behaviors, a series

757
00:36:02,880 --> 00:36:04,600
Speaker 2: of behaviors over and over and over and over again.

758
00:36:04,760 --> 00:36:07,279
Speaker 2: That's why it becomes harder, right, And all of a

759
00:36:07,320 --> 00:36:09,759
Speaker 2: sudden it becomes way more difficult because now you have

760
00:36:09,800 --> 00:36:12,799
Speaker 2: to unlearn something that you've been repeating for that long,

761
00:36:13,280 --> 00:36:15,839
Speaker 2: so I think there's really difficult there. One other point

762
00:36:15,880 --> 00:36:17,319
Speaker 2: I wanted to mention what you said there too, is

763
00:36:17,320 --> 00:36:22,239
Speaker 2: that you said you went through years of discomfort. A

764
00:36:22,239 --> 00:36:26,120
Speaker 2: lot of people have this idea that again, it should

765
00:36:26,200 --> 00:36:29,960
Speaker 2: just be a quick process, and if I'm struggling for

766
00:36:30,120 --> 00:36:33,080
Speaker 2: a period, then something's not right. It's like no, no, no, no,

767
00:36:33,120 --> 00:36:36,920
Speaker 2: struggle that's good. It means you're in the process of change, right,

768
00:36:36,960 --> 00:36:40,359
Speaker 2: You're going through the process of change, and you have

769
00:36:40,440 --> 00:36:43,080
Speaker 2: to be willing to put in that effort, go through

770
00:36:43,080 --> 00:36:44,880
Speaker 2: the struggle. And I think the thing that people are

771
00:36:44,880 --> 00:36:47,640
Speaker 2: resistant to is failing because I believe, and I want

772
00:36:47,680 --> 00:36:50,480
Speaker 2: to ask you this question, did you learn more from

773
00:36:50,480 --> 00:36:53,760
Speaker 2: your successes in those situations, in those public speaking exams,

774
00:36:53,840 --> 00:36:55,360
Speaker 2: or did you learn more from your failures?

775
00:36:55,480 --> 00:36:56,000
Speaker 1: Failures?

776
00:36:56,400 --> 00:36:58,320
Speaker 2: People don't want to fail now. I don't want to

777
00:36:58,320 --> 00:37:00,160
Speaker 2: make a video put it out on Instagram where made

778
00:37:00,160 --> 00:37:03,160
Speaker 2: a full lot of myself. But that's how we learn, right.

779
00:37:03,200 --> 00:37:05,440
Speaker 2: I don't want to do a speech where I forget

780
00:37:05,440 --> 00:37:07,240
Speaker 2: what I'm going to say, but that's how you learn.

781
00:37:07,760 --> 00:37:10,400
Speaker 2: You have it happen, then you go back and you go, Okay,

782
00:37:10,440 --> 00:37:12,960
Speaker 2: why did I forget. Oh it wasn't well rehearsed, right,

783
00:37:13,000 --> 00:37:14,239
Speaker 2: Why do I forget? I didn't know how to do

784
00:37:14,320 --> 00:37:17,080
Speaker 2: with my nerves. Now you need to learn how to rehearse.

785
00:37:17,120 --> 00:37:18,560
Speaker 2: Now you need to learn how to manage your nerves.

786
00:37:18,640 --> 00:37:20,440
Speaker 2: So all of a sudden, if you don't fail, you

787
00:37:20,480 --> 00:37:23,719
Speaker 2: don't know where your weakness is, and then you don't

788
00:37:23,719 --> 00:37:25,879
Speaker 2: know what to work on. So you've got to pay

789
00:37:25,880 --> 00:37:28,320
Speaker 2: the price. You've got to pay the price. Back to

790
00:37:28,360 --> 00:37:29,919
Speaker 2: your original question, that's great.

791
00:37:30,000 --> 00:37:31,279
Speaker 1: I am so glad you brought that up.

792
00:37:31,480 --> 00:37:33,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, it is so important because I think people just

793
00:37:33,600 --> 00:37:37,279
Speaker 2: now are resistant to failing. Yet we learn far more

794
00:37:37,320 --> 00:37:39,760
Speaker 2: from our failures than we do from our successes. Sure,

795
00:37:40,080 --> 00:37:43,399
Speaker 2: so for the person who's forty, Oh my god, then

796
00:37:43,400 --> 00:37:45,200
Speaker 2: how do I now? How do? What do I do?

797
00:37:45,280 --> 00:37:45,840
Speaker 2: Am I doomed?

798
00:37:45,960 --> 00:37:46,080
Speaker 1: No?

799
00:37:46,080 --> 00:37:48,759
Speaker 2: No, you're not. It's just when Jay was eleven, he

800
00:37:48,880 --> 00:37:51,080
Speaker 2: was able to work on three or four different behaviors

801
00:37:51,080 --> 00:37:54,480
Speaker 2: at the same time, because you're so elastic, right, There's

802
00:37:54,520 --> 00:37:56,040
Speaker 2: so many things that could change about you when you're

803
00:37:56,040 --> 00:37:58,000
Speaker 2: at that age. But when you're less elastic in your

804
00:37:58,200 --> 00:38:01,000
Speaker 2: older years, you just now have to focus on one

805
00:38:01,040 --> 00:38:04,040
Speaker 2: thing at a time. So I've coached a few CEOs

806
00:38:04,200 --> 00:38:05,759
Speaker 2: of some pretty big companies here in the US. And

807
00:38:05,800 --> 00:38:08,360
Speaker 2: it's so funny because when I map out there I

808
00:38:08,400 --> 00:38:09,839
Speaker 2: used to do I don't do it anymore. But when

809
00:38:09,880 --> 00:38:13,000
Speaker 2: I did it, and I mapped out their coaching program

810
00:38:13,520 --> 00:38:17,160
Speaker 2: and I showed it to them, they got upset because

811
00:38:17,160 --> 00:38:20,880
Speaker 2: they're like, wait, you're making me work on my volume

812
00:38:21,640 --> 00:38:26,280
Speaker 2: for four weeks and that's all we're doing. This feels stupid.

813
00:38:26,400 --> 00:38:28,480
Speaker 2: And in those moments, I just have the courage to go, well, look,

814
00:38:28,640 --> 00:38:30,400
Speaker 2: then pick somebody else. It's okay, get a refund, pick

815
00:38:30,400 --> 00:38:33,200
Speaker 2: somebody up, because I kind of said to them, you're

816
00:38:33,320 --> 00:38:37,080
Speaker 2: fifty and you've been speaking with a very default quiet

817
00:38:37,160 --> 00:38:41,040
Speaker 2: volume for fifty years. Do you expect abow to change

818
00:38:41,080 --> 00:38:43,839
Speaker 2: that in forty eight hours? Because every because I get

819
00:38:43,840 --> 00:38:46,440
Speaker 2: them to send me a video every day, right, and

820
00:38:46,480 --> 00:38:47,759
Speaker 2: when they every time they send me a video, I

821
00:38:47,840 --> 00:38:50,279
Speaker 2: go watch what you're doing For the first seven days,

822
00:38:50,680 --> 00:38:53,160
Speaker 2: even though you know we're working on volume, your default

823
00:38:53,280 --> 00:38:55,399
Speaker 2: volume is like a four out of ten, and that's

824
00:38:55,400 --> 00:38:59,279
Speaker 2: when they go, oh far out. I keep defaulting back

825
00:38:59,320 --> 00:39:02,040
Speaker 2: to it. So the older you are, you've got to

826
00:39:02,080 --> 00:39:05,160
Speaker 2: realize one thing at a time, one thing at a time,

827
00:39:05,760 --> 00:39:07,680
Speaker 2: but it drives people crazy. I want to do seven

828
00:39:07,680 --> 00:39:09,399
Speaker 2: things and I want to do hand gestures. I want

829
00:39:09,400 --> 00:39:11,520
Speaker 2: to learn how to storytell, I want to use volume,

830
00:39:11,520 --> 00:39:12,800
Speaker 2: I want to add pitching melody. I want to do

831
00:39:12,880 --> 00:39:15,800
Speaker 2: all of it. But that's also what leads to no change.

832
00:39:16,239 --> 00:39:18,040
Speaker 2: That's why most people never change the way they sound,

833
00:39:18,040 --> 00:39:20,160
Speaker 2: because they're not willing to sit and be patient and

834
00:39:20,200 --> 00:39:21,160
Speaker 2: do one thing at a time.

835
00:39:21,280 --> 00:39:23,560
Speaker 1: Yeah. A good example is thinking about it, like driving,

836
00:39:24,239 --> 00:39:27,279
Speaker 1: how many bad driving habits have we picked up in

837
00:39:27,320 --> 00:39:31,040
Speaker 1: the last twenty years because we haven't been tested, we

838
00:39:31,120 --> 00:39:35,000
Speaker 1: haven't reviewed it right. And I recently had to redo

839
00:39:35,080 --> 00:39:38,279
Speaker 1: my driving test because of moving here and you know,

840
00:39:38,320 --> 00:39:40,520
Speaker 1: getting a state idea and all that kind of stuff,

841
00:39:40,840 --> 00:39:44,520
Speaker 1: And I realized just how many bad habits you pick up. Now.

842
00:39:44,560 --> 00:39:46,600
Speaker 1: I believed myself to be a safe driver and a

843
00:39:46,640 --> 00:39:50,399
Speaker 1: good driver and a responsible driver. But still the fact

844
00:39:50,480 --> 00:39:54,400
Speaker 1: that for twenty years no one's watched me and checked

845
00:39:54,400 --> 00:39:57,400
Speaker 1: on me driving, you lose that. And so that's twenty

846
00:39:57,480 --> 00:39:59,399
Speaker 1: years of driving, which is something we do every day,

847
00:40:00,000 --> 00:40:01,799
Speaker 1: which is similar to speaking. You're doing it every day,

848
00:40:01,840 --> 00:40:04,239
Speaker 1: but no one's doing what you're You're not fatal point, right,

849
00:40:04,280 --> 00:40:06,880
Speaker 1: you're not recording yourself driving and sending it to someone.

850
00:40:07,200 --> 00:40:08,759
Speaker 2: You just made me think of something for it when

851
00:40:08,800 --> 00:40:10,359
Speaker 2: you said driving as well. I mean when you think

852
00:40:10,400 --> 00:40:12,320
Speaker 2: back to the four stages of learning we talked about before,

853
00:40:12,719 --> 00:40:17,200
Speaker 2: and you talk about unconscious competence to keep people a

854
00:40:17,239 --> 00:40:20,400
Speaker 2: sense of what's possible once you really go down the

855
00:40:20,440 --> 00:40:23,759
Speaker 2: path of mastery of communication skills, think of an area

856
00:40:23,880 --> 00:40:27,480
Speaker 2: in your life where you have achieved unconscious competence. It's driving,

857
00:40:28,120 --> 00:40:29,600
Speaker 2: whether we're good or not, that's another thing, right, But

858
00:40:29,920 --> 00:40:33,359
Speaker 2: most people, I would dare say sometimes too, you're kind

859
00:40:33,360 --> 00:40:35,799
Speaker 2: of unconscious when you're driving because you're so good at it.

860
00:40:35,840 --> 00:40:38,080
Speaker 2: You've done it every single day of your adult life,

861
00:40:38,560 --> 00:40:42,000
Speaker 2: so you've gotten to a point where you are unconsciously competent. Right,

862
00:40:42,400 --> 00:40:43,840
Speaker 2: And then people always ask me now they get of

863
00:40:43,840 --> 00:40:45,960
Speaker 2: in when you communicate? Now, are you thinking about gesturing?

864
00:40:46,040 --> 00:40:48,480
Speaker 2: Are you thinking about storytelling? Are you thinking about I go? No,

865
00:40:48,719 --> 00:40:52,319
Speaker 2: I don't because like with the car, when you think

866
00:40:52,400 --> 00:40:54,200
Speaker 2: you want to go to the grocery store, do you

867
00:40:54,239 --> 00:40:56,160
Speaker 2: have any thought now into Oh I need to open

868
00:40:56,160 --> 00:40:57,919
Speaker 2: the door, Oh I need to check my blind spot,

869
00:40:58,000 --> 00:40:59,800
Speaker 2: or I need to ad Just know it's all automatic.

870
00:41:00,320 --> 00:41:02,920
Speaker 2: So the reason why I try to inspire my students

871
00:41:02,960 --> 00:41:05,160
Speaker 2: to improve the communication skills because I say to them

872
00:41:05,320 --> 00:41:07,120
Speaker 2: that means in the very next conversation you have with

873
00:41:07,160 --> 00:41:09,600
Speaker 2: a client, a customer, a family member, you can just

874
00:41:09,920 --> 00:41:13,040
Speaker 2: think I want this outcome. I want to be a

875
00:41:13,120 --> 00:41:16,200
Speaker 2: help them in this way. Your skills and abilities will

876
00:41:16,239 --> 00:41:18,839
Speaker 2: just take you there. And that's why you come across

877
00:41:18,880 --> 00:41:21,160
Speaker 2: in these podcasts and the professional people who do this.

878
00:41:21,360 --> 00:41:23,799
Speaker 2: It's so natural and when people are sitting there going

879
00:41:23,840 --> 00:41:26,160
Speaker 2: I want to be that natural. But it requires a

880
00:41:26,160 --> 00:41:27,200
Speaker 2: dedication to mastery.

881
00:41:27,360 --> 00:41:30,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, and that's the point that I really want people

882
00:41:30,160 --> 00:41:31,840
Speaker 1: to get. I remember sitting and watching one of my

883
00:41:31,840 --> 00:41:35,840
Speaker 1: favorite comedians who became a friend, and he was just brilliant,

884
00:41:36,120 --> 00:41:40,920
Speaker 1: like he would have the audience laughing and enraptures like

885
00:41:41,000 --> 00:41:46,000
Speaker 1: in the palm of his hand right, but everything looked

886
00:41:46,040 --> 00:41:49,600
Speaker 1: and felt completely off the cuff. So he'd literally just

887
00:41:49,640 --> 00:41:51,759
Speaker 1: turn up on stage. It wasn't like he wasn't in

888
00:41:51,800 --> 00:41:53,839
Speaker 1: the flow. Sometimes you want a comedian and you can

889
00:41:53,880 --> 00:41:55,880
Speaker 1: tell there's an arc, and you can tell there's a story,

890
00:41:56,040 --> 00:41:58,480
Speaker 1: and you can tell it's planned. Yeah, this guy would

891
00:41:58,520 --> 00:42:00,920
Speaker 1: literally come up. People are aid anyone has anyone read

892
00:42:00,960 --> 00:42:03,160
Speaker 1: any books lately, and like someone who name of a

893
00:42:03,160 --> 00:42:04,600
Speaker 1: book came be like, oh yeah, I read that page,

894
00:42:04,640 --> 00:42:06,080
Speaker 1: and you make a joke out of it. And then

895
00:42:06,239 --> 00:42:07,800
Speaker 1: someone else and he'd be like, Oh, what's your favorite

896
00:42:07,840 --> 00:42:10,319
Speaker 1: song right now? And it's all a conversation brings out

897
00:42:10,320 --> 00:42:12,160
Speaker 1: a song. Oh yeah, I can't believe he said that

898
00:42:12,200 --> 00:42:14,400
Speaker 1: lyric makes a joke about the lyric and it was

899
00:42:14,480 --> 00:42:17,759
Speaker 1: unbelievable to watch. And I spoke to him afterwards and

900
00:42:17,760 --> 00:42:20,040
Speaker 1: I said to him, I said, who did you learn

901
00:42:20,080 --> 00:42:22,480
Speaker 1: that from? Like, where did that come from? He said,

902
00:42:22,480 --> 00:42:25,920
Speaker 1: I've practiced it so much that it looks spontaneous, but

903
00:42:26,000 --> 00:42:29,800
Speaker 1: it's completely trained. And I think that's what everyone wants.

904
00:42:29,840 --> 00:42:32,719
Speaker 1: Everyone wants for it to look spontaneous, but that took

905
00:42:32,800 --> 00:42:37,600
Speaker 1: years of discomfort, courage, failure, training, Masteret. When I'm telling

906
00:42:37,600 --> 00:42:40,080
Speaker 1: a story or hosting a podcast, I'm not trying to

907
00:42:40,239 --> 00:42:43,480
Speaker 1: sound like anything because your voice has for so many

908
00:42:43,560 --> 00:42:46,759
Speaker 1: years become that way. And I'm at a point in

909
00:42:46,760 --> 00:42:48,920
Speaker 1: my career for sure I was asked to give I

910
00:42:49,000 --> 00:42:52,280
Speaker 1: just gave three keynotes in the Middle East in January

911
00:42:53,280 --> 00:42:56,920
Speaker 1: and in Dubai, and I said to myself, I'm going

912
00:42:57,000 --> 00:43:00,840
Speaker 1: to walk into these and just channel, like I just

913
00:43:00,880 --> 00:43:04,000
Speaker 1: want to go in there and just be. I'm not

914
00:43:04,560 --> 00:43:06,120
Speaker 1: gonna I'm gonna have some notes. I know what I

915
00:43:06,160 --> 00:43:08,200
Speaker 1: need to talk about, I know the title of the talk,

916
00:43:08,640 --> 00:43:10,760
Speaker 1: but I'm just gonna be. And I had so much fun.

917
00:43:11,480 --> 00:43:14,920
Speaker 1: I had so much fun. And it seemed like the

918
00:43:14,920 --> 00:43:16,880
Speaker 1: feedback was great for the audience whatever, but it was

919
00:43:16,960 --> 00:43:19,520
Speaker 1: just so much fun for me because I was like,

920
00:43:19,640 --> 00:43:21,239
Speaker 1: I just want to feed off the energy in the

921
00:43:21,320 --> 00:43:23,320
Speaker 1: room and they were all and my friend, one of

922
00:43:23,360 --> 00:43:25,759
Speaker 1: my best friends, he came with me and he was like, Jay,

923
00:43:25,800 --> 00:43:28,400
Speaker 1: every talk was different. He goes at the one billion summit,

924
00:43:28,400 --> 00:43:30,640
Speaker 1: you were hilarious, like I was like watching a comedian.

925
00:43:30,719 --> 00:43:32,919
Speaker 1: And then he goes at Mind Valley it was really

926
00:43:33,000 --> 00:43:36,160
Speaker 1: deep and like, you know, philosophical. And then at the

927
00:43:36,200 --> 00:43:38,400
Speaker 1: other place, the corporate event, it was very professional. He

928
00:43:38,480 --> 00:43:40,400
Speaker 1: was like, there were three talks in three days and

929
00:43:40,400 --> 00:43:42,440
Speaker 1: they were all completely different. I was like, because I

930
00:43:42,480 --> 00:43:45,000
Speaker 1: was just feeling the energy of the room and I

931
00:43:45,040 --> 00:43:49,560
Speaker 1: love that walk me through. How many hours, how much time,

932
00:43:49,600 --> 00:43:52,560
Speaker 1: how many years have you seen people take to get

933
00:43:52,600 --> 00:43:56,560
Speaker 1: to a point where they feel that sense of unconscious competence,

934
00:43:56,640 --> 00:43:59,600
Speaker 1: not of not of mastery, because that can take many years,

935
00:43:59,640 --> 00:44:02,960
Speaker 1: but a sense of comfortability where it's flowing and they

936
00:44:02,960 --> 00:44:05,760
Speaker 1: don't feel phony and contrived anymore. Where what have you seen?

937
00:44:06,400 --> 00:44:09,200
Speaker 2: It depends on your longer what have you seen. I've

938
00:44:09,239 --> 00:44:15,040
Speaker 2: seen unbelievable change within six months. And this is someone

939
00:44:15,320 --> 00:44:18,399
Speaker 2: who has become problem aware that this thing has been

940
00:44:18,760 --> 00:44:23,520
Speaker 2: destroying my relationships, destroying my career growth. And when that

941
00:44:23,719 --> 00:44:26,279
Speaker 2: pain becomes that great and you become problem aware, I

942
00:44:26,280 --> 00:44:28,160
Speaker 2: can't believe how quickly some of my students have been

943
00:44:28,160 --> 00:44:29,920
Speaker 2: able to change. And then I've seen it take as

944
00:44:29,920 --> 00:44:33,759
Speaker 2: long as three or four years and where I'm still great, yeah, yeah,

945
00:44:33,840 --> 00:44:35,759
Speaker 2: exactly where I'll get an email three to four years

946
00:44:35,800 --> 00:44:38,239
Speaker 2: later and they go, I can't believe it's taking me

947
00:44:38,239 --> 00:44:40,719
Speaker 2: this long to email you. I almost feel a little

948
00:44:40,719 --> 00:44:43,520
Speaker 2: bit of shame. I'm like, no, because it took me ten.

949
00:44:43,800 --> 00:44:47,960
Speaker 2: So that's amazing. That's incredible, right, because it ranges so

950
00:44:48,120 --> 00:44:51,000
Speaker 2: much depending on the intensity of the pain they feel

951
00:44:51,040 --> 00:44:54,320
Speaker 2: and the realizations they have. I have to bring it

952
00:44:54,360 --> 00:44:56,200
Speaker 2: back to what you said before, because what you said

953
00:44:56,239 --> 00:45:00,560
Speaker 2: before about you going to three events and just going

954
00:45:00,640 --> 00:45:03,040
Speaker 2: with the flow. I know the people listening to this

955
00:45:03,120 --> 00:45:04,880
Speaker 2: right now while you were saying that, they were clenching

956
00:45:04,880 --> 00:45:07,799
Speaker 2: their butt checks because they were like, Ah, that's so

957
00:45:08,200 --> 00:45:10,880
Speaker 2: that's so freaky. And I wanted to speak to that

958
00:45:10,920 --> 00:45:14,360
Speaker 2: because what you just described to me is one of

959
00:45:14,400 --> 00:45:20,320
Speaker 2: the ultimate benefits of mastery in this arena, and it's freedom.

960
00:45:21,120 --> 00:45:25,560
Speaker 2: You were free in each one of those speeches. You

961
00:45:25,640 --> 00:45:28,520
Speaker 2: were free to go where the audience wanted to go.

962
00:45:29,320 --> 00:45:31,840
Speaker 2: That's one of the things I rarely ever get to

963
00:45:31,880 --> 00:45:33,440
Speaker 2: even talk about because I don't get to speak to

964
00:45:33,480 --> 00:45:36,719
Speaker 2: others usually who are so proficient at this skill set.

965
00:45:36,840 --> 00:45:41,200
Speaker 2: That's ultimate freedom, Jay. When you feel something, you think something,

966
00:45:41,280 --> 00:45:43,719
Speaker 2: and you're immediately in the moment able to articulate it

967
00:45:43,760 --> 00:45:46,080
Speaker 2: with clarity and make people laugh at the same time.

968
00:45:46,920 --> 00:45:48,600
Speaker 2: That is so powerful.

969
00:45:48,640 --> 00:45:50,520
Speaker 1: Man, I'm dan shiit is just what you're saying.

970
00:45:50,520 --> 00:45:53,759
Speaker 2: It's like goosebumps, and to know you're going into that

971
00:45:54,040 --> 00:45:57,319
Speaker 2: being able to do that, like again, it's achievable for

972
00:45:57,560 --> 00:45:58,520
Speaker 2: you listening to this too.

973
00:45:58,719 --> 00:46:00,360
Speaker 1: What I love about it is that there was so

974
00:46:00,440 --> 00:46:04,640
Speaker 1: much discovery for me on that stage, and that's what

975
00:46:04,680 --> 00:46:07,399
Speaker 1: I do it for. I don't do it to show

976
00:46:07,440 --> 00:46:09,759
Speaker 1: off or be like, oh, look, I don't need to

977
00:46:09,800 --> 00:46:13,799
Speaker 1: prepare or be lazy or not respect my client. I

978
00:46:13,920 --> 00:46:16,160
Speaker 1: do it for discovery. And what I mean by that

979
00:46:16,360 --> 00:46:20,200
Speaker 1: is when I don't plan to that one hundred percent,

980
00:46:20,920 --> 00:46:24,160
Speaker 1: I now have the opportunity to find and discover in

981
00:46:24,200 --> 00:46:26,560
Speaker 1: the moment. So there were so many things that I

982
00:46:26,640 --> 00:46:29,400
Speaker 1: said in those three keynotes that have never said in

983
00:46:29,400 --> 00:46:32,240
Speaker 1: my life. And that's where I get your Yeah, you create.

984
00:46:32,719 --> 00:46:34,680
Speaker 1: And I said that first because I wanted to take

985
00:46:34,719 --> 00:46:38,040
Speaker 1: it back and say, my first experience of public speaking,

986
00:46:38,040 --> 00:46:40,280
Speaker 1: I want to ask you about yours. I was around

987
00:46:40,520 --> 00:46:45,120
Speaker 1: seven years old and my mum always wanted me to

988
00:46:45,160 --> 00:46:47,600
Speaker 1: be on stage and do things like that, and I didn't.

989
00:46:48,480 --> 00:46:52,319
Speaker 1: And so it was a religious assembly and I was

990
00:46:52,440 --> 00:46:55,960
Speaker 1: dressed as people from my culture and I was asked

991
00:46:55,960 --> 00:47:00,520
Speaker 1: to go and sing and speak on this prayer in

992
00:47:00,520 --> 00:47:02,720
Speaker 1: front of my class. Now, I grew up in London.

993
00:47:03,080 --> 00:47:05,120
Speaker 1: I grew up in an area where there weren't loads

994
00:47:05,160 --> 00:47:08,720
Speaker 1: of Indian people like me. I'm now on stage dressed

995
00:47:08,719 --> 00:47:11,560
Speaker 1: in traditional garb. But it was basically me wrapped in

996
00:47:11,600 --> 00:47:14,200
Speaker 1: a sari if you've ever seen that. And my mum

997
00:47:14,239 --> 00:47:16,440
Speaker 1: had even put some makeup on me, probably to try

998
00:47:16,480 --> 00:47:18,360
Speaker 1: and make me look more of the part and it

999
00:47:18,760 --> 00:47:21,880
Speaker 1: didn't help. And then I'm on stage in front of

1000
00:47:21,920 --> 00:47:24,600
Speaker 1: all my friends. I'm seven, eight years old something like that,

1001
00:47:25,400 --> 00:47:27,399
Speaker 1: and I stand up there with this prayer that I'm

1002
00:47:27,440 --> 00:47:30,880
Speaker 1: not that well versed in or practiced, and I start

1003
00:47:30,920 --> 00:47:33,040
Speaker 1: singing it. I have a terrible singing voice, and that's

1004
00:47:33,080 --> 00:47:35,719
Speaker 1: not humble. There's a difference between a speaking voice and

1005
00:47:35,719 --> 00:47:38,320
Speaker 1: a singing voice. I can't sing to say my life.

1006
00:47:38,640 --> 00:47:42,680
Speaker 1: And I start singing, and the whole audience starts laughing immediately,

1007
00:47:42,800 --> 00:47:45,040
Speaker 1: like just like literally all my friends are rolling on

1008
00:47:45,080 --> 00:47:49,200
Speaker 1: the floor laughing. And now I'm starting to cry because

1009
00:47:49,200 --> 00:47:52,000
Speaker 1: I felt really embarrassed, and I look down because I

1010
00:47:52,000 --> 00:47:55,600
Speaker 1: forgot the words, and now I can't see the words

1011
00:47:55,600 --> 00:47:58,200
Speaker 1: because my tears are blurred the words in my papers.

1012
00:47:58,239 --> 00:48:01,759
Speaker 1: I've lost the notes, so don't know the words. And then,

1013
00:48:02,080 --> 00:48:05,040
Speaker 1: to make it even worse than that, my teacher walks

1014
00:48:05,080 --> 00:48:07,680
Speaker 1: on stage. She puts her armor around me and walks

1015
00:48:07,719 --> 00:48:10,440
Speaker 1: me off, which is the most embarrassing thing in the world.

1016
00:48:10,840 --> 00:48:13,520
Speaker 1: And so I go from that at eight years old.

1017
00:48:14,360 --> 00:48:16,080
Speaker 1: And this is why I love what you're doing for

1018
00:48:16,120 --> 00:48:20,960
Speaker 1: the world, because you're showing and proving you can build

1019
00:48:20,960 --> 00:48:23,319
Speaker 1: this skill. It is a muscle, and that was my

1020
00:48:23,360 --> 00:48:26,439
Speaker 1: first experience of public speaking. A few years after that,

1021
00:48:26,880 --> 00:48:29,919
Speaker 1: after all the training as well, I was probably speaking

1022
00:48:29,960 --> 00:48:33,600
Speaker 1: of rooms of zero to five people and pouring my

1023
00:48:33,760 --> 00:48:37,879
Speaker 1: heart out into just five people. And even now when

1024
00:48:37,880 --> 00:48:40,359
Speaker 1: I look back, I loved it because I just got

1025
00:48:40,400 --> 00:48:43,960
Speaker 1: to be so proficient and practiced. And so when someone's saying, oh,

1026
00:48:43,960 --> 00:48:46,600
Speaker 1: do I have to do this for four weeks or wait,

1027
00:48:46,640 --> 00:48:49,440
Speaker 1: only five people are showing up or whatever those things are,

1028
00:48:50,160 --> 00:48:52,080
Speaker 1: those are actually really really beautiful moments. I want to

1029
00:48:52,080 --> 00:48:54,640
Speaker 1: ask you, what was your first time public speaking? What

1030
00:48:54,760 --> 00:48:56,520
Speaker 1: was the first ever experience on step?

1031
00:48:56,640 --> 00:48:58,200
Speaker 2: Have you recovered from that experience?

1032
00:48:59,280 --> 00:49:02,120
Speaker 1: I have now. I have now. But even though I

1033
00:49:02,120 --> 00:49:04,120
Speaker 1: started getting trained when I was eleven, I probably didn't

1034
00:49:04,160 --> 00:49:07,760
Speaker 1: get half decent until I was like seventeen or eighteen.

1035
00:49:07,880 --> 00:49:09,759
Speaker 1: Like that's why when you said you can get people

1036
00:49:09,800 --> 00:49:11,480
Speaker 1: then three to four years, I'm like, that's pretty good,

1037
00:49:11,480 --> 00:49:14,640
Speaker 1: because if I started eleven, I probably got half decent

1038
00:49:14,760 --> 00:49:17,880
Speaker 1: at sixteen to eighteen. I wasn't good when I was

1039
00:49:17,880 --> 00:49:20,399
Speaker 1: like twelve, thirteen, fourteen, All those years we're just you know.

1040
00:49:20,520 --> 00:49:23,520
Speaker 2: It's such a common story among many of the students

1041
00:49:23,520 --> 00:49:26,000
Speaker 2: that I coach. There usually is some kind of event

1042
00:49:26,040 --> 00:49:29,120
Speaker 2: when they were younger that has led them to believe

1043
00:49:29,160 --> 00:49:31,920
Speaker 2: that I'm terrible at this thing because there wasn't the

1044
00:49:32,000 --> 00:49:35,080
Speaker 2: right support that you were thrown into that you did

1045
00:49:35,120 --> 00:49:38,680
Speaker 2: even practice, you didn't even learn the words right. So

1046
00:49:38,800 --> 00:49:41,080
Speaker 2: so again like you were set up to almost fail

1047
00:49:41,120 --> 00:49:44,160
Speaker 2: when a lot of the old presentations that would do

1048
00:49:44,160 --> 00:49:46,279
Speaker 2: when we're young, that's what they called, right, are you

1049
00:49:46,280 --> 00:49:48,960
Speaker 2: going to do a presentation? We're set up to fail.

1050
00:49:49,840 --> 00:49:51,800
Speaker 2: When you're eleven and you have to do this presentation

1051
00:49:51,840 --> 00:49:53,319
Speaker 2: in front of your cast, do they teach you how

1052
00:49:53,360 --> 00:49:55,120
Speaker 2: to use your hands? Do they teach you where to

1053
00:49:55,160 --> 00:49:57,080
Speaker 2: put your notes? Do they teach you how to summarize

1054
00:49:57,080 --> 00:49:59,239
Speaker 2: notes and not write the whole damn thing on Q cards? No,

1055
00:49:59,280 --> 00:50:01,759
Speaker 2: they're sending you up to So this is such a

1056
00:50:01,800 --> 00:50:06,719
Speaker 2: common story because our school system, the entire year has

1057
00:50:06,920 --> 00:50:09,919
Speaker 2: one day well we have to go on in front

1058
00:50:09,920 --> 00:50:11,359
Speaker 2: of the class to do it, and guess what. Guess

1059
00:50:11,360 --> 00:50:13,640
Speaker 2: what happens to day I'm sick, mom, I can't go

1060
00:50:13,680 --> 00:50:15,640
Speaker 2: to school, and then you stay and then you missed

1061
00:50:15,680 --> 00:50:17,160
Speaker 2: the one day you have training, and then if you

1062
00:50:17,200 --> 00:50:19,560
Speaker 2: do the training, you all set up to fail. You're

1063
00:50:19,560 --> 00:50:22,120
Speaker 2: all set up to so every person has a version

1064
00:50:22,160 --> 00:50:24,080
Speaker 2: of this. My version of this is a little more

1065
00:50:24,160 --> 00:50:27,640
Speaker 2: dramatic because I was older. I was in university and

1066
00:50:27,680 --> 00:50:32,040
Speaker 2: we had to do a presentation for accounting, and I

1067
00:50:32,160 --> 00:50:36,000
Speaker 2: was so nervous. I remember going to the toilet ten

1068
00:50:36,239 --> 00:50:39,560
Speaker 2: twelve times, so nervous. And then I got up on

1069
00:50:39,600 --> 00:50:41,920
Speaker 2: stage and I had a sniffle, so I kept I

1070
00:50:42,000 --> 00:50:44,000
Speaker 2: kept touching my note. I had to sniffle. And then

1071
00:50:44,000 --> 00:50:46,200
Speaker 2: I got a blood nose then, and I didn't realize

1072
00:50:46,200 --> 00:50:47,360
Speaker 2: I had a blood nose because I thought it was

1073
00:50:47,400 --> 00:50:48,560
Speaker 2: I thought it was I was just I thought I

1074
00:50:48,560 --> 00:50:50,879
Speaker 2: was just booger, so I didn't know. I just wiped it.

1075
00:50:51,360 --> 00:50:53,360
Speaker 2: Blood comes across my face. I don't know I have

1076
00:50:53,360 --> 00:50:55,720
Speaker 2: blood on my face. Why are you speaking while I'm speaking.

1077
00:50:55,800 --> 00:50:57,840
Speaker 2: I didn't know it was blood, right, And then I

1078
00:50:57,920 --> 00:51:00,279
Speaker 2: obviously a blood vessel went. I was so nervous, was going.

1079
00:51:00,520 --> 00:51:02,560
Speaker 2: And then I didn't realize it was blood and I

1080
00:51:02,600 --> 00:51:06,279
Speaker 2: was still talking, and then people started laughing. And then

1081
00:51:06,320 --> 00:51:09,160
Speaker 2: I tasted blood. And at the moment I tasted blood,

1082
00:51:09,360 --> 00:51:11,400
Speaker 2: I looked at my hands. There was blood everywhere. I

1083
00:51:11,480 --> 00:51:13,080
Speaker 2: start freaking out. I didn't know what to do. The

1084
00:51:13,080 --> 00:51:14,360
Speaker 2: teachers didn't even know what to do either. Do you

1085
00:51:14,400 --> 00:51:16,040
Speaker 2: know what I had to do? I finished the talk

1086
00:51:16,400 --> 00:51:18,239
Speaker 2: and it was finished, took It was only a five

1087
00:51:18,239 --> 00:51:21,000
Speaker 2: bitt of presentation, but I finished it because I didn't

1088
00:51:21,000 --> 00:51:22,560
Speaker 2: know what to do, and I panicked, and it was

1089
00:51:22,600 --> 00:51:27,239
Speaker 2: just the worst presentation I'd ever given. From that point,

1090
00:51:27,280 --> 00:51:28,759
Speaker 2: I just thought, yeah, you know what, I'm going to

1091
00:51:28,800 --> 00:51:31,000
Speaker 2: avoid this at all costs. I'm never going to do

1092
00:51:31,040 --> 00:51:34,359
Speaker 2: it ever again. This is the worst experience of my life. Yeah, yeah,

1093
00:51:34,440 --> 00:51:37,279
Speaker 2: just and then I walked off. I just yeah, I'm

1094
00:51:37,280 --> 00:51:42,560
Speaker 2: glad that back then and no photos. That's so traumatic.

1095
00:51:42,800 --> 00:51:45,160
Speaker 1: Well, that is traumatic, man, to actually bleed, to be

1096
00:51:45,200 --> 00:51:46,720
Speaker 1: that nervous, to be that stress.

1097
00:51:47,080 --> 00:51:48,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's how stress I was.

1098
00:51:48,200 --> 00:51:51,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, to experience that, that's I love that.

1099
00:51:51,520 --> 00:51:53,560
Speaker 1: That's where you started. And now if someone watched, like

1100
00:51:53,560 --> 00:51:56,280
Speaker 1: when I watch your vidism, this guy's a genius. Let's

1101
00:51:56,280 --> 00:52:00,640
Speaker 1: take a short break to hear from our sponsors. All right,

1102
00:52:00,760 --> 00:52:03,480
Speaker 1: thank you to our sponsors. Now let's dive back in.

1103
00:52:04,000 --> 00:52:05,680
Speaker 1: One of the things I was thinking about as we're

1104
00:52:05,719 --> 00:52:08,719
Speaker 1: doing this, and I'm really trying to put myself in

1105
00:52:09,719 --> 00:52:12,760
Speaker 1: your audience issues, my audience issues, the community that struggles

1106
00:52:12,800 --> 00:52:16,080
Speaker 1: with this. One thing that I've definitely seen as I've

1107
00:52:16,080 --> 00:52:20,040
Speaker 1: traveled and we both have international audiences, is this fear

1108
00:52:20,120 --> 00:52:24,960
Speaker 1: that people have around their accents, and that can often

1109
00:52:25,000 --> 00:52:28,600
Speaker 1: make people quite unconfident. And it's really interesting because obviously,

1110
00:52:28,840 --> 00:52:31,919
Speaker 1: when I moved to the States, people really enjoy listening

1111
00:52:31,960 --> 00:52:34,480
Speaker 1: to a British accent in the States. But where I

1112
00:52:34,520 --> 00:52:37,360
Speaker 1: was growing up in London, to me, the smartest people

1113
00:52:37,400 --> 00:52:42,279
Speaker 1: sounded American accents. Professors Harvard, Princeton, Stamford. When you heard

1114
00:52:42,280 --> 00:52:45,040
Speaker 1: these professors do ted talks or whatever it was, it

1115
00:52:45,080 --> 00:52:47,319
Speaker 1: was always in an American accent. And it's almost like

1116
00:52:47,480 --> 00:52:50,520
Speaker 1: in England we grew up on American rap music. You

1117
00:52:50,560 --> 00:52:53,359
Speaker 1: grow up to such a culture that our feelings are

1118
00:52:53,360 --> 00:52:56,160
Speaker 1: skewed towards certain accents. And so if you're from a

1119
00:52:56,200 --> 00:52:59,120
Speaker 1: country where you feel or a state, or anyway even

1120
00:52:59,280 --> 00:53:03,240
Speaker 1: in the United States, you may feel like your accent

1121
00:53:03,480 --> 00:53:06,239
Speaker 1: isn't well received. How does how does someone deal with

1122
00:53:06,280 --> 00:53:07,080
Speaker 1: that kind of pressure.

1123
00:53:07,640 --> 00:53:10,480
Speaker 2: I just believe accents are rarely a problem. It's it's

1124
00:53:10,520 --> 00:53:13,279
Speaker 2: really the articulation and the pronunciation that lets people down.

1125
00:53:14,400 --> 00:53:18,759
Speaker 2: Because I just feel that accents are beautiful I've got

1126
00:53:18,760 --> 00:53:21,319
Speaker 2: students from all over the world, Jay, and I I

1127
00:53:21,360 --> 00:53:23,600
Speaker 2: love listening to the accent because it tells a story.

1128
00:53:24,040 --> 00:53:27,120
Speaker 2: It tells me who you are, where it lets you down.

1129
00:53:27,760 --> 00:53:29,440
Speaker 2: Is like when I first came to the US, I

1130
00:53:29,440 --> 00:53:33,400
Speaker 2: didn't realize I had so much Australian slang and Australian's

1131
00:53:33,480 --> 00:53:36,520
Speaker 2: user like we shorten all of our words. Is like, yeah, man,

1132
00:53:36,560 --> 00:53:38,399
Speaker 2: I want to Yeah, maybe I won't, you know, Yeah,

1133
00:53:38,440 --> 00:53:40,680
Speaker 2: all right, Like it's just I didn't realize I was

1134
00:53:40,719 --> 00:53:42,960
Speaker 2: doing so much of that, and people go, oh, Australian

1135
00:53:43,000 --> 00:53:45,560
Speaker 2: accent is awesome. Yeah. If I if I talk for

1136
00:53:45,600 --> 00:53:47,600
Speaker 2: a secon, you won't even understand what I'm saying if

1137
00:53:47,640 --> 00:53:50,560
Speaker 2: I don't articulate and pronounce my words correctly.

1138
00:53:50,680 --> 00:53:50,839
Speaker 1: Yea.

1139
00:53:51,360 --> 00:53:54,160
Speaker 2: So I really believe that. And I have this happen

1140
00:53:54,239 --> 00:53:56,600
Speaker 2: all the time in my in person classes where someone

1141
00:53:56,640 --> 00:53:58,120
Speaker 2: will come and ask that very question and they will

1142
00:53:58,160 --> 00:54:01,000
Speaker 2: have a Polish accent or or maybe they will have

1143
00:54:01,000 --> 00:54:03,239
Speaker 2: an Indian accent, and then the moment I just get

1144
00:54:03,280 --> 00:54:07,160
Speaker 2: them to over articulate and practice, all of a sudden

1145
00:54:07,560 --> 00:54:11,279
Speaker 2: it completely changes how they sound. And here's where it happens. Jay,

1146
00:54:11,320 --> 00:54:13,840
Speaker 2: It's because for me, for example, Right, I learned the

1147
00:54:13,880 --> 00:54:17,360
Speaker 2: Vietnamese language, so I learned a set of Vietnamese mouth movements.

1148
00:54:17,920 --> 00:54:20,640
Speaker 2: My big mistake was when I learned English, I used

1149
00:54:20,640 --> 00:54:23,120
Speaker 2: the same set of mouth movements in the Vietnamese language

1150
00:54:23,280 --> 00:54:25,839
Speaker 2: to go speak the English language. Fascinating, right, So then

1151
00:54:25,840 --> 00:54:27,799
Speaker 2: all of a sudden, now when I speak English, my

1152
00:54:27,880 --> 00:54:31,880
Speaker 2: accent wasn't the problem. The problem was I wasn't articulating correctly,

1153
00:54:32,600 --> 00:54:35,400
Speaker 2: so people didn't understand me. I used to not pronounce

1154
00:54:35,400 --> 00:54:38,279
Speaker 2: my teas British be wor good with this, but Australians

1155
00:54:38,480 --> 00:54:41,120
Speaker 2: and even Asians I didn't do it. So I'd say

1156
00:54:41,160 --> 00:54:45,239
Speaker 2: things like I can't. I wouldn't pronounce I can't. I

1157
00:54:45,239 --> 00:54:49,520
Speaker 2: wouldn't pronounce that, And then my tea's I would say free, Oh,

1158
00:54:49,560 --> 00:54:52,200
Speaker 2: I can I have three of those instead of three

1159
00:54:52,280 --> 00:54:55,960
Speaker 2: of those yeah. And then what people were associating with

1160
00:54:56,000 --> 00:54:59,520
Speaker 2: low levels of intelligence was not so much my accent.

1161
00:55:00,000 --> 00:55:02,040
Speaker 2: It was just because I didn't articulate my words well.

1162
00:55:03,480 --> 00:55:06,560
Speaker 2: And this can happen in any culture. This can happen

1163
00:55:06,719 --> 00:55:12,960
Speaker 2: with any accent. I've heard people with Chinese accents, Indian accents,

1164
00:55:13,000 --> 00:55:16,680
Speaker 2: Polish accents, Russian accents. But when they articulate their words beautifully.

1165
00:55:17,480 --> 00:55:20,440
Speaker 2: Oh man, it's like you get to listen to a

1166
00:55:20,440 --> 00:55:23,640
Speaker 2: different genre of music. Otherwise, imagine everyone sounded like us.

1167
00:55:24,880 --> 00:55:27,680
Speaker 1: There's no flavor, there's no personality.

1168
00:55:27,840 --> 00:55:31,200
Speaker 2: Personality. Again, I do not believe accents or a problem.

1169
00:55:31,320 --> 00:55:33,920
Speaker 2: I believe the problem lies in your ability to articulate

1170
00:55:34,040 --> 00:55:38,000
Speaker 2: and your pronunciation. And here's the quick activity that you

1171
00:55:38,000 --> 00:55:40,080
Speaker 2: can do to help you. One of the greatest things

1172
00:55:40,080 --> 00:55:42,520
Speaker 2: I learned that my speech pathologists made me do was,

1173
00:55:42,880 --> 00:55:45,080
Speaker 2: first of all, grab a book. And every single day,

1174
00:55:45,080 --> 00:55:46,880
Speaker 2: you grab a book for five minutes, four times a day,

1175
00:55:46,880 --> 00:55:48,839
Speaker 2: if you want to take it real seriously, every time

1176
00:55:48,840 --> 00:55:52,600
Speaker 2: for five minutes, read the book and overdo your lip movements,

1177
00:55:52,640 --> 00:55:54,640
Speaker 2: overdo the tongue movements. And then, if you want to

1178
00:55:54,640 --> 00:55:55,920
Speaker 2: take it to the next level, put a pen in

1179
00:55:55,920 --> 00:55:58,200
Speaker 2: your mouth, because if you put a pen in your mouth,

1180
00:55:58,200 --> 00:56:01,560
Speaker 2: you're forced to over articulate and do it out loud.

1181
00:56:02,000 --> 00:56:04,360
Speaker 2: And by doing this you'll start to learn and record

1182
00:56:04,360 --> 00:56:05,960
Speaker 2: yourself while you're doing it too. You'll start to learn,

1183
00:56:06,000 --> 00:56:09,680
Speaker 2: oh wow, I struggle with this sound, this consonant, this vow.

1184
00:56:10,200 --> 00:56:11,560
Speaker 2: And as you start to bring a little bit of

1185
00:56:11,600 --> 00:56:13,560
Speaker 2: awareness to it, you go ah, right, I need to

1186
00:56:13,600 --> 00:56:15,600
Speaker 2: change the way I'm shaping my lips. I need to

1187
00:56:15,680 --> 00:56:18,279
Speaker 2: change the way and just going through that process alone.

1188
00:56:18,320 --> 00:56:21,200
Speaker 2: I remember doing that for three months. And I had

1189
00:56:21,200 --> 00:56:22,560
Speaker 2: to do that when I came here to the US

1190
00:56:23,320 --> 00:56:26,000
Speaker 2: because I slurred my words a lot. And in Australia

1191
00:56:26,280 --> 00:56:29,120
Speaker 2: you fully understand before I might, right, yeah, there's no

1192
00:56:29,200 --> 00:56:31,560
Speaker 2: dramas with that. But over here, all of a sudden,

1193
00:56:31,680 --> 00:56:33,520
Speaker 2: I was speaking in Texas and I still remember speaking

1194
00:56:33,520 --> 00:56:35,080
Speaker 2: in Texas for the first time. It was so sweet.

1195
00:56:35,239 --> 00:56:37,799
Speaker 2: They're like, I love the gap. I ain't got no

1196
00:56:37,840 --> 00:56:38,880
Speaker 2: idea what he's saying.

1197
00:56:39,200 --> 00:56:41,360
Speaker 1: Right, And it was like this weird thing where.

1198
00:56:41,520 --> 00:56:43,320
Speaker 2: And then I literally had to go see a speech

1199
00:56:43,360 --> 00:56:46,400
Speaker 2: pathologist even later in my life because in Australia it

1200
00:56:46,440 --> 00:56:49,520
Speaker 2: wasn't a problem and I didn't realize it too, but

1201
00:56:49,560 --> 00:56:52,360
Speaker 2: when I slurred my words that much, it made people

1202
00:56:52,400 --> 00:56:55,239
Speaker 2: think I wasn't smart, right, And this is why people

1203
00:56:55,320 --> 00:56:57,680
Speaker 2: in the world think the British are so smart. Is

1204
00:56:57,719 --> 00:57:00,319
Speaker 2: it just the accent or is it because as they

1205
00:57:00,400 --> 00:57:04,080
Speaker 2: articulate extremely well, right, right, So you can sound smart

1206
00:57:04,080 --> 00:57:07,760
Speaker 2: in any culture, in any with any accent.

1207
00:57:07,880 --> 00:57:11,360
Speaker 1: Should we get a couple of pens?

1208
00:57:11,440 --> 00:57:14,640
Speaker 3: Can you pass as a couple of just that people

1209
00:57:14,760 --> 00:57:17,200
Speaker 3: realize what it is, yeah, and that we also need

1210
00:57:17,240 --> 00:57:20,200
Speaker 3: to do these like I'm I'm probably going to contact

1211
00:57:20,240 --> 00:57:23,320
Speaker 3: you straight after this and go, Vin, I'm not kidding you.

1212
00:57:23,360 --> 00:57:25,120
Speaker 1: I mean this, Thank you so much. What type of

1213
00:57:25,160 --> 00:57:27,040
Speaker 1: pen doesn't matter, It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter. It

1214
00:57:27,040 --> 00:57:27,560
Speaker 1: could be a sharp.

1215
00:57:28,240 --> 00:57:29,720
Speaker 2: I think it depends the more challenging it is.

1216
00:57:29,760 --> 00:57:32,520
Speaker 1: That one I think I've already let's not give you

1217
00:57:32,960 --> 00:57:36,640
Speaker 1: I've already this one does not have back marks, no, no, no,

1218
00:57:36,840 --> 00:57:38,040
Speaker 1: look you can see what I've done with this.

1219
00:57:38,760 --> 00:57:39,880
Speaker 2: We do this for a segment.

1220
00:57:40,040 --> 00:57:42,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, But what I was saying was, as soon as

1221
00:57:42,680 --> 00:57:45,560
Speaker 1: we finish this podcast, I'm probably going to message you

1222
00:57:45,600 --> 00:57:49,480
Speaker 1: in say, Vin, can you please critique all of my

1223
00:57:49,920 --> 00:57:53,320
Speaker 1: I'm going to send you a speech and ask you

1224
00:57:53,360 --> 00:57:55,960
Speaker 1: to help me get better, because I think the mistake

1225
00:57:56,080 --> 00:57:58,000
Speaker 1: is also that you get there and then you don't

1226
00:57:58,040 --> 00:58:00,680
Speaker 1: need these techniques, or that you don't need to improve,

1227
00:58:00,680 --> 00:58:01,800
Speaker 1: and that you don't need to work.

1228
00:58:01,640 --> 00:58:02,560
Speaker 2: On it practice anymore.

1229
00:58:02,600 --> 00:58:03,640
Speaker 1: I think about it all the time.

1230
00:58:03,680 --> 00:58:07,680
Speaker 4: So anyway, let's let's Yeah, can you see how difficult?

1231
00:58:07,720 --> 00:58:11,200
Speaker 4: This is very difficult, right, And I want people to

1232
00:58:11,200 --> 00:58:15,000
Speaker 4: think about this. Who can you understand better right now?

1233
00:58:15,480 --> 00:58:17,840
Speaker 1: I'm not sure you've.

1234
00:58:17,680 --> 00:58:19,360
Speaker 2: Got to give me more than that, Jake.

1235
00:58:19,480 --> 00:58:23,120
Speaker 1: Okay, So Rinn, how are you today?

1236
00:58:23,800 --> 00:58:24,960
Speaker 2: Feeling a little.

1237
00:58:24,640 --> 00:58:26,160
Speaker 1: Bit jet lagged? Okay?

1238
00:58:26,400 --> 00:58:28,320
Speaker 2: I came all the way from Australia.

1239
00:58:28,480 --> 00:58:33,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, I just got back from Mexico yesterday and I

1240
00:58:33,720 --> 00:58:36,800
Speaker 1: went to a friend's wedding and we had a really

1241
00:58:36,840 --> 00:58:37,320
Speaker 1: good time.

1242
00:58:37,520 --> 00:58:38,720
Speaker 2: Oh that's beautiful.

1243
00:58:38,840 --> 00:58:40,040
Speaker 1: I'm really happy for him.

1244
00:58:40,120 --> 00:58:44,720
Speaker 2: Oh, so happy for you. It's in doing these things

1245
00:58:44,760 --> 00:58:46,560
Speaker 2: that you start all of a sudden. Now that I

1246
00:58:46,720 --> 00:58:48,720
Speaker 2: now when I speak, I feel like, oh I'm so

1247
00:58:48,920 --> 00:58:49,960
Speaker 2: sharp totally.

1248
00:58:50,320 --> 00:58:53,160
Speaker 1: I can do even just from a few moments.

1249
00:58:52,760 --> 00:58:56,240
Speaker 2: Because you're forced to stretch your mouth so much bigger

1250
00:58:56,400 --> 00:58:58,960
Speaker 2: to make the shapes, to be able to create the sounds.

1251
00:58:59,120 --> 00:59:01,040
Speaker 2: Whereas the biggest problem, and again this happens in the

1252
00:59:01,040 --> 00:59:04,560
Speaker 2: English language. When you think about the European languages, the

1253
00:59:04,600 --> 00:59:06,880
Speaker 2: Asian languages, we actually don't have to drop our jaw

1254
00:59:06,920 --> 00:59:09,360
Speaker 2: a lot to speak those languages. Interesting because when I

1255
00:59:09,360 --> 00:59:11,160
Speaker 2: speak Vietnamese, you know, I can do a lot of

1256
00:59:11,200 --> 00:59:13,800
Speaker 2: Vietnamese with my mouth closed. Can you even learned Nignam

1257
00:59:13,880 --> 00:59:17,320
Speaker 2: three eleven son? I barely have to move my jaw.

1258
00:59:17,760 --> 00:59:20,840
Speaker 2: English is one of the very few languages where, when

1259
00:59:20,880 --> 00:59:23,040
Speaker 2: you think about consciously how you're speaking, you have to

1260
00:59:23,120 --> 00:59:26,960
Speaker 2: drop your jaw so much to speak the English language. Well,

1261
00:59:27,560 --> 00:59:31,480
Speaker 2: whereas again, the Asian cultures European languages, you don't have to.

1262
00:59:31,760 --> 00:59:32,120
Speaker 1: Yes.

1263
00:59:32,480 --> 00:59:35,080
Speaker 2: Again, each language has a different set of mouth movements.

1264
00:59:35,320 --> 00:59:38,040
Speaker 2: So by doing that simply alone, you felt it straight away, Yes,

1265
00:59:38,160 --> 00:59:40,600
Speaker 2: because you had to move your jaw so much, totally.

1266
00:59:40,680 --> 00:59:42,880
Speaker 1: I can actually feel like we've worked out Yeah, like

1267
00:59:42,920 --> 00:59:43,840
Speaker 1: that's what it feels like.

1268
00:59:44,000 --> 00:59:45,320
Speaker 2: And that we did it for thirty seconds.

1269
00:59:45,360 --> 00:59:47,520
Speaker 1: Absolutely, and you can keep that pen Oh, thank you.

1270
00:59:48,480 --> 00:59:49,560
Speaker 2: I do think you want it back.

1271
00:59:51,120 --> 00:59:53,880
Speaker 1: I genuinely feel the difference from such a short period

1272
00:59:53,920 --> 00:59:55,800
Speaker 1: of time, and I could tell if I did it

1273
00:59:55,800 --> 00:59:57,720
Speaker 1: for longer, it would make an even bigger difference.

1274
00:59:57,880 --> 00:59:59,520
Speaker 2: Well, imagine you did it for five minutes. Yeah, and

1275
00:59:59,600 --> 01:00:01,920
Speaker 2: you started dedicating yourself to me, Yes, yes, my goodness.

1276
01:00:01,920 --> 01:00:05,360
Speaker 2: Within a week, you'll notice your mouth moving differently, and

1277
01:00:05,400 --> 01:00:09,840
Speaker 2: you'll notice yourself sounding more clear. Accents are not a problem.

1278
01:00:09,840 --> 01:00:12,080
Speaker 2: You've got to stop thinking that. People always go, oh,

1279
01:00:12,080 --> 01:00:15,760
Speaker 2: I hate my accent. That tells a story. It's your culture,

1280
01:00:15,800 --> 01:00:18,280
Speaker 2: it's your history, it's what makes you unique? And I

1281
01:00:18,320 --> 01:00:21,240
Speaker 2: always love to think of it as it's different genres

1282
01:00:21,280 --> 01:00:21,720
Speaker 2: of music.

1283
01:00:22,200 --> 01:00:24,560
Speaker 1: Yes, and that's what we're seeing in music in the

1284
01:00:24,560 --> 01:00:29,120
Speaker 1: world right now. Anyway. You're seeing languages pour in through

1285
01:00:29,120 --> 01:00:31,480
Speaker 1: different artists and people, and it's such a need for that.

1286
01:00:31,680 --> 01:00:33,400
Speaker 1: I wanted to ask you something because this was a

1287
01:00:33,400 --> 01:00:36,240
Speaker 1: big evolution point for me. So from eleven to eighteen

1288
01:00:36,320 --> 01:00:40,680
Speaker 1: I went to public speaking school. I got the tools,

1289
01:00:40,840 --> 01:00:42,840
Speaker 1: is how I like to see it. But it was

1290
01:00:42,880 --> 01:00:45,760
Speaker 1: only when I met the monks and I started to

1291
01:00:45,840 --> 01:00:49,960
Speaker 1: learn about Eastern wisdom and philosophy that I felt I

1292
01:00:50,000 --> 01:00:52,959
Speaker 1: had something to talk about, and I wanted to ask

1293
01:00:53,040 --> 01:00:57,960
Speaker 1: you how much you weight the balance between what you

1294
01:00:58,040 --> 01:01:00,960
Speaker 1: have to say and how you say it.

1295
01:01:00,480 --> 01:01:04,080
Speaker 2: Both equally important. I see some books where I read

1296
01:01:04,080 --> 01:01:06,000
Speaker 2: where they go, no, what you say is more important,

1297
01:01:06,200 --> 01:01:07,840
Speaker 2: and then some books say, no, how you say it

1298
01:01:07,920 --> 01:01:09,560
Speaker 2: is a more important And I think they kind of

1299
01:01:09,560 --> 01:01:11,560
Speaker 2: have to do this sometimes because they are an expert

1300
01:01:11,560 --> 01:01:15,440
Speaker 2: in one particular arena. But again, I believe the answer

1301
01:01:15,520 --> 01:01:18,280
Speaker 2: is not which one, it's both both just as critical.

1302
01:01:19,000 --> 01:01:22,480
Speaker 2: Same with me. I think until I found the purpose

1303
01:01:22,520 --> 01:01:25,959
Speaker 2: and the fulfillment from teaching public speaking, I didn't really

1304
01:01:26,000 --> 01:01:29,680
Speaker 2: have much to talk about. I didn't and until I

1305
01:01:29,800 --> 01:01:33,280
Speaker 2: found that, then all of a sudden, I started creating content.

1306
01:01:33,320 --> 01:01:34,920
Speaker 2: Then the content started to take off, And I think

1307
01:01:34,920 --> 01:01:38,480
Speaker 2: it's because I love how you've positioned what you do here.

1308
01:01:38,520 --> 01:01:41,120
Speaker 2: It's on purpose. When I found that purpose and I

1309
01:01:41,200 --> 01:01:43,240
Speaker 2: had the tools and I was able to use my instrument,

1310
01:01:43,520 --> 01:01:45,640
Speaker 2: then all of a sudden, the world resonated with that. Yes,

1311
01:01:46,000 --> 01:01:48,120
Speaker 2: whereas before I did make YouTube videos back in two

1312
01:01:48,120 --> 01:01:49,920
Speaker 2: thousand and eight two thousand and nine, just for fun,

1313
01:01:50,600 --> 01:01:52,880
Speaker 2: but they didn't really go anywhere because even though I

1314
01:01:52,920 --> 01:01:54,880
Speaker 2: had decent access to my instrument, it just didn't go

1315
01:01:54,920 --> 01:01:59,080
Speaker 2: anywhere because I wasn't aligned. You could hear it. It

1316
01:01:59,160 --> 01:02:00,720
Speaker 2: wasn't on purpose.

1317
01:02:00,800 --> 01:02:02,840
Speaker 1: Yeah. No, I'm glad I brought that up because I

1318
01:02:02,840 --> 01:02:07,120
Speaker 1: think a lot of people are struggling with either or

1319
01:02:07,160 --> 01:02:08,880
Speaker 1: Like someone may come to you, they may learn all

1320
01:02:08,920 --> 01:02:10,919
Speaker 1: the tools, yeah, but then they're gonna have to find

1321
01:02:10,960 --> 01:02:12,960
Speaker 1: what they use it for. And like you said, there

1322
01:02:12,960 --> 01:02:15,320
Speaker 1: may be someone else who actually has lots of knowledge,

1323
01:02:15,440 --> 01:02:16,920
Speaker 1: but then they don't have the tools to share the

1324
01:02:16,960 --> 01:02:18,000
Speaker 1: wisdom or the insight.

1325
01:02:18,200 --> 01:02:21,040
Speaker 2: And that's generally the student that somehow discovers me right.

1326
01:02:21,280 --> 01:02:23,560
Speaker 2: It's the one that is I have something to share

1327
01:02:23,640 --> 01:02:26,480
Speaker 2: with the world, but some reason, every time I share it,

1328
01:02:26,480 --> 01:02:29,280
Speaker 2: people misunderstand me. Every time I share it, it doesn't get

1329
01:02:29,280 --> 01:02:31,840
Speaker 2: the impact that I desire. And it's the truth because

1330
01:02:31,840 --> 01:02:33,640
Speaker 2: you have You could have the greatest piece of music

1331
01:02:33,680 --> 01:02:36,840
Speaker 2: written by Beethoven, but if you play it poorly, it

1332
01:02:37,080 --> 01:02:39,400
Speaker 2: is that the greatest music. And again, it's so interesting

1333
01:02:39,440 --> 01:02:41,600
Speaker 2: because I understand my students so intimately now where I

1334
01:02:41,640 --> 01:02:43,000
Speaker 2: know what they'll say that they say things in their

1335
01:02:43,000 --> 01:02:44,920
Speaker 2: life like they go, I'm just gonna let my work

1336
01:02:44,960 --> 01:02:48,960
Speaker 2: speak for myself. Why not speak for your work too? Right? Well,

1337
01:02:49,000 --> 01:02:51,000
Speaker 2: why can't we do both? Why why are we so linear?

1338
01:02:51,040 --> 01:02:53,840
Speaker 2: Why can't we do both so good? Right? And when

1339
01:02:53,880 --> 01:02:56,720
Speaker 2: they realize that, they go, oh, okay, right, it opens

1340
01:02:56,760 --> 01:02:59,120
Speaker 2: their mind to the whole idea of I kind of

1341
01:02:59,120 --> 01:03:01,240
Speaker 2: have the tech responsibility to shine my light. I can't

1342
01:03:01,280 --> 01:03:03,240
Speaker 2: wait for someone again. And I remember we have a

1343
01:03:03,280 --> 01:03:05,640
Speaker 2: mutual friend, Mel Robins, right. Yes, Mel helped him with

1344
01:03:05,640 --> 01:03:07,880
Speaker 2: my speaking career. At the start of my speaking criage,

1345
01:03:08,240 --> 01:03:11,240
Speaker 2: Mel used to flick me the gigs that couldn't afford her.

1346
01:03:12,440 --> 01:03:15,640
Speaker 2: I became the cheap Mel Robins for a period, so

1347
01:03:15,680 --> 01:03:18,800
Speaker 2: I was the cheap mel Robins. She was amazing and

1348
01:03:18,840 --> 01:03:21,240
Speaker 2: so gracious where well because she couldn't do those gigs,

1349
01:03:21,240 --> 01:03:23,400
Speaker 2: but maybe she was busy as well, and she flicked

1350
01:03:23,440 --> 01:03:25,600
Speaker 2: them to me. That's how she started my career here

1351
01:03:25,600 --> 01:03:26,040
Speaker 2: in the US.

1352
01:03:26,840 --> 01:03:27,120
Speaker 1: Know that.

1353
01:03:27,280 --> 01:03:29,120
Speaker 2: And she was one of the people that I saw

1354
01:03:29,160 --> 01:03:30,880
Speaker 2: from her content as well early on where she said

1355
01:03:30,880 --> 01:03:33,200
Speaker 2: no one's coming to healthier, no one's coming to save

1356
01:03:33,240 --> 01:03:35,480
Speaker 2: your That's when it really hit home for me to

1357
01:03:35,520 --> 01:03:39,720
Speaker 2: I went, Okay, I'm gonna have to go do this myself, right,

1358
01:03:39,960 --> 01:03:43,000
Speaker 2: And you take ownership for that. And yeah, because when

1359
01:03:43,000 --> 01:03:44,880
Speaker 2: you take ownership, you step into your power. When you

1360
01:03:44,880 --> 01:03:46,320
Speaker 2: blame others, you kind of lose all of it.

1361
01:03:46,560 --> 01:03:48,560
Speaker 1: Yeah. What about someone who comes to you and says,

1362
01:03:49,000 --> 01:03:51,680
Speaker 1: I talk too fast? How do you teach people to

1363
01:03:51,760 --> 01:03:55,880
Speaker 1: slow down? Because I think that we're all scared of pauses, right,

1364
01:03:55,920 --> 01:03:58,040
Speaker 1: Everyone's always trying to fill the gaps, even if you're

1365
01:03:58,480 --> 01:04:03,000
Speaker 1: in a conversation with someone. We don't like pauses. I've

1366
01:04:03,280 --> 01:04:06,880
Speaker 1: for years had to practice the ability to say it's okay,

1367
01:04:06,920 --> 01:04:08,720
Speaker 1: if I need to look away, if I need to think,

1368
01:04:08,760 --> 01:04:11,520
Speaker 1: if I need to reflect, if I actually just need

1369
01:04:11,560 --> 01:04:14,480
Speaker 1: to take something in whether I'm on a podcast, on stage,

1370
01:04:14,600 --> 01:04:17,440
Speaker 1: or in a private meeting, how do we get comfortable

1371
01:04:17,440 --> 01:04:20,640
Speaker 1: with's slowing down and pausing rather than trying to fill

1372
01:04:20,640 --> 01:04:23,280
Speaker 1: all the space, because that's such a natural thing to do.

1373
01:04:23,760 --> 01:04:25,880
Speaker 2: The first thing I'd say, if you speak really fast,

1374
01:04:25,880 --> 01:04:28,320
Speaker 2: well done for being aware that you do. Most people

1375
01:04:28,400 --> 01:04:31,160
Speaker 2: are not aware of it is a lot of it

1376
01:04:31,200 --> 01:04:34,720
Speaker 2: is to do with your mindset and the state of

1377
01:04:34,760 --> 01:04:37,480
Speaker 2: mind that you're in. When do you think people speak

1378
01:04:37,560 --> 01:04:38,880
Speaker 2: really fast when they're feeling what.

1379
01:04:39,120 --> 01:04:41,520
Speaker 1: They're nervous, cacious, anxious, etc.

1380
01:04:41,880 --> 01:04:43,960
Speaker 2: Right, So you've got to you kind of kind of

1381
01:04:44,000 --> 01:04:46,640
Speaker 2: have to address it at the core there. So what

1382
01:04:46,680 --> 01:04:48,680
Speaker 2: you need to do is you have to identify when

1383
01:04:48,880 --> 01:04:53,200
Speaker 2: are you speaking fast? In which situations are you speaking fast?

1384
01:04:53,240 --> 01:04:55,360
Speaker 2: Oh it's when I'm in a job interview. Oh It's

1385
01:04:55,400 --> 01:04:57,880
Speaker 2: when I'm going in for my quarterly review. Well great,

1386
01:04:58,240 --> 01:05:01,120
Speaker 2: Now you know in these isolights situation the triggers are

1387
01:05:01,200 --> 01:05:04,760
Speaker 2: high pressure situations. Okay, cool. That means before you go

1388
01:05:04,880 --> 01:05:07,920
Speaker 2: into those situations, you need to still your mind and

1389
01:05:07,960 --> 01:05:11,120
Speaker 2: your body. Again, it comes back to breathing. All right.

1390
01:05:11,640 --> 01:05:13,400
Speaker 2: I couldn't believe it, but there were workshops that I

1391
01:05:13,440 --> 01:05:14,960
Speaker 2: was invited to and I did some of them. I

1392
01:05:14,960 --> 01:05:16,920
Speaker 2: couldn't beieve we could spend three to four days on breathing.

1393
01:05:17,240 --> 01:05:18,600
Speaker 2: And then I found out there was a seven day

1394
01:05:18,600 --> 01:05:21,920
Speaker 2: workshop on breathing. I went seven days. There's so much

1395
01:05:21,960 --> 01:05:26,240
Speaker 2: profound wisdom in the breath, and I did not understand

1396
01:05:26,240 --> 01:05:27,880
Speaker 2: it until I started learning more about it. So again,

1397
01:05:27,960 --> 01:05:32,720
Speaker 2: breathing before you go in, go with the wim Hoff breathing,

1398
01:05:33,360 --> 01:05:36,320
Speaker 2: and that will slow down your mind and slow down

1399
01:05:36,400 --> 01:05:38,720
Speaker 2: your body, and then all of a sudden it slows

1400
01:05:38,760 --> 01:05:43,440
Speaker 2: down your speech. The next thing is adrenaline also causes

1401
01:05:43,520 --> 01:05:46,920
Speaker 2: you to speed and speak really quickly. So before you

1402
01:05:47,000 --> 01:05:50,600
Speaker 2: go into a presentation or something that's making universe, get

1403
01:05:50,680 --> 01:05:53,120
Speaker 2: rid of the adrenaline. Some brisk walking, do a couple

1404
01:05:53,160 --> 01:05:54,760
Speaker 2: of push ups. Do some star jumps. I know you

1405
01:05:54,800 --> 01:05:57,840
Speaker 2: call them jumping Jackson. Yeah, mate, it's not called a

1406
01:05:57,920 --> 01:05:59,640
Speaker 2: jumping jack it's a star jup. Mate.

1407
01:06:00,040 --> 01:06:01,560
Speaker 1: So do a kind of star jumps in English?

1408
01:06:01,600 --> 01:06:04,520
Speaker 2: Are you doing? Yeah? Americas have it wrong? Yes, who

1409
01:06:04,520 --> 01:06:06,160
Speaker 2: the hell is jack? So all of a sudden, I

1410
01:06:06,240 --> 01:06:08,440
Speaker 2: do twenty star jumps, right, And when you do that,

1411
01:06:08,520 --> 01:06:11,040
Speaker 2: you get rid of all the adrenaline. The Adrenaline is

1412
01:06:11,080 --> 01:06:13,040
Speaker 2: what makes you shake and also what makes you speak

1413
01:06:13,040 --> 01:06:15,440
Speaker 2: really quickly, because when you start to shake, it's sending

1414
01:06:15,480 --> 01:06:17,120
Speaker 2: signals to your brain that you're nervous. Now you start

1415
01:06:17,160 --> 01:06:18,440
Speaker 2: to think you're nervous, and when when you think you're never

1416
01:06:18,520 --> 01:06:20,919
Speaker 2: know you're speaking really quickly. Right, So again, these things

1417
01:06:20,960 --> 01:06:23,960
Speaker 2: help slow you down. Now, those are things you can

1418
01:06:24,000 --> 01:06:26,280
Speaker 2: do before you're going. One last thing you can do

1419
01:06:26,320 --> 01:06:30,400
Speaker 2: before you're going, Actually, is what makes us really nervous

1420
01:06:30,720 --> 01:06:33,800
Speaker 2: is being self conscious. But you can only be self

1421
01:06:33,800 --> 01:06:36,919
Speaker 2: conscious if you're thinking about yourself. So then stop thinking

1422
01:06:36,920 --> 01:06:39,480
Speaker 2: about yourself and realize it was not about you. If

1423
01:06:39,480 --> 01:06:41,640
Speaker 2: you're going on stage, it's not about you. It's about

1424
01:06:41,640 --> 01:06:44,120
Speaker 2: every single person you're going to serve. And I'll be

1425
01:06:44,200 --> 01:06:46,280
Speaker 2: honest with you too. Coming here, I felt a bit nervous, right,

1426
01:06:46,280 --> 01:06:47,800
Speaker 2: but then I thought to myself, it's not about me.

1427
01:06:48,080 --> 01:06:49,680
Speaker 2: It's about me trying to add as much value as

1428
01:06:49,680 --> 01:06:51,400
Speaker 2: I can to Jay's audience, and it's about Jay. I

1429
01:06:51,440 --> 01:06:53,680
Speaker 2: want to connect with Jay. And the moment I made

1430
01:06:53,720 --> 01:06:55,600
Speaker 2: it about you and I made it about the audience

1431
01:06:55,600 --> 01:06:58,400
Speaker 2: that we're about to serve, I had no cognitive capacity

1432
01:06:58,480 --> 01:07:02,000
Speaker 2: left to be nervous because I'm thinking about myself. So

1433
01:07:02,080 --> 01:07:04,320
Speaker 2: to me, these three small tools you got the breathing,

1434
01:07:04,360 --> 01:07:07,240
Speaker 2: get rid of the adrenaline, and mindset shift. It helps

1435
01:07:07,280 --> 01:07:11,200
Speaker 2: calm you down. And now when you go in, if

1436
01:07:11,200 --> 01:07:15,040
Speaker 2: you find yourself racing in it, then pause and take

1437
01:07:15,080 --> 01:07:18,160
Speaker 2: a deep breath. And that's how you can remedy it.

1438
01:07:18,160 --> 01:07:19,880
Speaker 2: Because if you go in you're like, oh, I'm here,

1439
01:07:19,880 --> 01:07:25,160
Speaker 2: I'm really exacted. You take a deep breath and then

1440
01:07:25,240 --> 01:07:30,240
Speaker 2: continue speaking, and right after the deep breath, it's going

1441
01:07:30,320 --> 01:07:34,640
Speaker 2: to slow your speech right down. Even when I did it,

1442
01:07:34,680 --> 01:07:38,080
Speaker 2: there all of a sudden, feel more relaxed. Now. Yeah,

1443
01:07:38,200 --> 01:07:41,240
Speaker 2: the reason people aren't comfortable with the pause is because

1444
01:07:41,280 --> 01:07:43,600
Speaker 2: they don't know what the pause is for, right And

1445
01:07:43,640 --> 01:07:46,040
Speaker 2: when you think the pause is useless, that's why you

1446
01:07:46,120 --> 01:07:51,439
Speaker 2: develop the behavior of filling the pause, always talking non

1447
01:07:51,720 --> 01:07:53,520
Speaker 2: filler words as well, and so liked you know what

1448
01:07:53,560 --> 01:07:55,560
Speaker 2: I mean. We do that because we don't understand the

1449
01:07:55,600 --> 01:07:58,800
Speaker 2: power of the pause. Whereas the pause allows people to

1450
01:07:58,840 --> 01:08:02,000
Speaker 2: process what you're saying. Think about it now, listeners, as

1451
01:08:02,000 --> 01:08:04,640
Speaker 2: you're listening to that, the moment I paused, you just

1452
01:08:04,680 --> 01:08:06,440
Speaker 2: did it again. You had a moment to process the

1453
01:08:06,480 --> 01:08:08,560
Speaker 2: things that I was saying. If I just talk really

1454
01:08:08,640 --> 01:08:10,120
Speaker 2: quickly and I don't pause at all when I'm talking,

1455
01:08:10,120 --> 01:08:12,160
Speaker 2: all of a sudden, now everything that I say has

1456
01:08:12,200 --> 01:08:13,920
Speaker 2: no clear points because you don't have any time to

1457
01:08:13,920 --> 01:08:15,680
Speaker 2: process anything that I'm saying. All of a sudden, everything

1458
01:08:15,680 --> 01:08:19,639
Speaker 2: after all becomes mumba jumpo, right, it just becomes nothing.

1459
01:08:20,840 --> 01:08:23,400
Speaker 2: Whereas pausing gives people time to process, pausing gives you

1460
01:08:23,439 --> 01:08:25,680
Speaker 2: time to breathe so that you can relax, so that

1461
01:08:25,720 --> 01:08:28,960
Speaker 2: you don't speak too quickly. There are so many benefits

1462
01:08:28,960 --> 01:08:30,400
Speaker 2: to it. I mean, think of music again. I love

1463
01:08:30,479 --> 01:08:35,000
Speaker 2: using music analogies because the most important note in an

1464
01:08:35,120 --> 01:08:41,800
Speaker 2: orchestra happens after a crescendo, which is what silence. They'll

1465
01:08:41,800 --> 01:08:43,759
Speaker 2: build the peak and then all of a sudden, musicians

1466
01:08:43,800 --> 01:08:45,400
Speaker 2: will play and play and or get to this peak

1467
01:08:45,479 --> 01:08:51,639
Speaker 2: moment and then just nothing, and the audience is in

1468
01:08:51,760 --> 01:08:54,320
Speaker 2: awe of what they just experienced.

1469
01:08:54,960 --> 01:08:58,080
Speaker 1: You speak about it so powerfully and it's so convincing.

1470
01:08:58,160 --> 01:09:02,519
Speaker 1: I'm like, this is this has to hear because I

1471
01:09:02,840 --> 01:09:07,040
Speaker 1: applied that even and that came come back to zoom calls, meetings, everything.

1472
01:09:07,080 --> 01:09:11,439
Speaker 1: I think it's so important to not feel that the

1473
01:09:11,479 --> 01:09:14,559
Speaker 1: person who talks. The fastest is the one who will

1474
01:09:14,600 --> 01:09:16,680
Speaker 1: get their point in. And I think that's sometimes the

1475
01:09:17,240 --> 01:09:18,920
Speaker 1: thing of like, hey, guys, I just really want to

1476
01:09:18,920 --> 01:09:20,360
Speaker 1: say this with you, because if we just if we

1477
01:09:20,439 --> 01:09:22,080
Speaker 1: just did this, this would solve everything, Like this is

1478
01:09:22,080 --> 01:09:24,400
Speaker 1: the thing. And it's almost like you've actually lost all

1479
01:09:24,960 --> 01:09:27,040
Speaker 1: importance because of that pace.

1480
01:09:27,640 --> 01:09:31,000
Speaker 2: Also because there's no clarity. Yes, if people don't process

1481
01:09:31,040 --> 01:09:35,360
Speaker 2: anything that you say, there's no clarity. Yes, you have

1482
01:09:35,360 --> 01:09:37,920
Speaker 2: to think about communication is not what I just send.

1483
01:09:38,479 --> 01:09:41,920
Speaker 2: It's how it's being received. Right, It's not oh, I've

1484
01:09:41,920 --> 01:09:44,200
Speaker 2: sent it, it's done, it's out there. What do you

1485
01:09:44,200 --> 01:09:48,400
Speaker 2: think I don't even remember what you said? Yeah, And

1486
01:09:48,439 --> 01:09:50,000
Speaker 2: I think I think that's a that's a big mistake.

1487
01:09:50,040 --> 01:09:52,480
Speaker 2: And and often people do that again because they don't understand

1488
01:09:52,560 --> 01:09:56,760
Speaker 2: that the way you deliver has an impact on how

1489
01:09:56,800 --> 01:09:57,519
Speaker 2: others receive.

1490
01:09:57,960 --> 01:10:01,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, I really appreciate your which to the audience consciousness

1491
01:10:01,640 --> 01:10:06,800
Speaker 1: versus the US consciousness, because it seems really small, it

1492
01:10:06,840 --> 01:10:10,040
Speaker 1: seems really obvious, it seems kind of of course that

1493
01:10:10,120 --> 01:10:15,280
Speaker 1: makes sense, but it really is everything. Yeah, Because all

1494
01:10:15,280 --> 01:10:20,439
Speaker 1: of a sudden, if you're thinking about being impressive, that's

1495
01:10:20,479 --> 01:10:23,360
Speaker 1: a really hard place to live. From because now you're

1496
01:10:23,520 --> 01:10:27,200
Speaker 1: judging every word that comes out of your mouth and

1497
01:10:27,280 --> 01:10:31,280
Speaker 1: judging whether it's impressive, whether it's powerful, whether it's profound,

1498
01:10:31,320 --> 01:10:34,439
Speaker 1: whether it's whatever it is. And now you actually have

1499
01:10:34,520 --> 01:10:37,960
Speaker 1: no thinking space. Yes to actually be profound, impressive and

1500
01:10:38,000 --> 01:10:39,920
Speaker 1: all those things you want it to be, it's just

1501
01:10:39,960 --> 01:10:43,400
Speaker 1: not possible. Whereas if you are thinking, Hey, what's that

1502
01:10:43,479 --> 01:10:46,400
Speaker 1: person in the audience struggling with? What are they really

1503
01:10:46,439 --> 01:10:49,479
Speaker 1: struggling with? What's their challenge? What's the thing that And

1504
01:10:49,520 --> 01:10:51,599
Speaker 1: that's why, that's how we started this conversation. I was like,

1505
01:10:51,880 --> 01:10:54,960
Speaker 1: what's everyone worried about when they come to you? Because

1506
01:10:55,000 --> 01:10:56,960
Speaker 1: to me, that's the most important thing. And if I

1507
01:10:57,120 --> 01:11:00,120
Speaker 1: know that what they're worried about is their acts and

1508
01:11:00,240 --> 01:11:03,479
Speaker 1: their voice, their whatever it may be, now all of

1509
01:11:03,479 --> 01:11:06,240
Speaker 1: a sudden I can address that and I can speak

1510
01:11:06,280 --> 01:11:09,479
Speaker 1: to that, and actually I can make them aware that

1511
01:11:09,520 --> 01:11:12,439
Speaker 1: I'm aware of that. And that's the same in a meeting.

1512
01:11:12,479 --> 01:11:16,599
Speaker 1: I think sometimes if someone said to me in a meeting, Jay,

1513
01:11:16,800 --> 01:11:20,080
Speaker 1: I know that you really want the podcast to be

1514
01:11:20,160 --> 01:11:25,400
Speaker 1: a special place for people to really learn, grow and heal.

1515
01:11:26,000 --> 01:11:28,400
Speaker 1: I know that it's a big priority in your life,

1516
01:11:28,960 --> 01:11:32,320
Speaker 1: and I know that it's something that you put your

1517
01:11:32,320 --> 01:11:35,160
Speaker 1: heart into for six years. This is how to make

1518
01:11:35,200 --> 01:11:38,040
Speaker 1: it better. All of a sudden, I'm like, I'm all

1519
01:11:38,240 --> 01:11:40,760
Speaker 1: is because I feel like you actually get where I'm

1520
01:11:40,760 --> 01:11:43,160
Speaker 1: at and where I'm coming from. Whereas everyone said, Hey,

1521
01:11:43,160 --> 01:11:44,600
Speaker 1: you know, I've just got this really great idea i

1522
01:11:44,600 --> 01:11:46,200
Speaker 1: want to share with you all of us, Like, well,

1523
01:11:46,240 --> 01:11:47,800
Speaker 1: I don't know if it's a great idea or not,

1524
01:11:47,800 --> 01:11:49,760
Speaker 1: because I don't even know if we're on the same page.

1525
01:11:50,120 --> 01:11:53,559
Speaker 1: And so walk me through some of the ways people

1526
01:11:53,560 --> 01:11:57,040
Speaker 1: can establish by what they're saying and how they want.

1527
01:11:57,120 --> 01:12:00,479
Speaker 1: You did this beautiful video well there's you're one. But

1528
01:12:00,920 --> 01:12:03,160
Speaker 1: I loved it. I absolutely loved it, and I realized

1529
01:12:03,200 --> 01:12:06,160
Speaker 1: I do it unconsciously, and when I saw you explain it,

1530
01:12:06,200 --> 01:12:07,679
Speaker 1: I was like, there you go. That's why. That's why

1531
01:12:07,680 --> 01:12:09,599
Speaker 1: you're such a great coach and such a great teacher.

1532
01:12:10,160 --> 01:12:12,320
Speaker 1: It was that idea of meeting people where they're at,

1533
01:12:12,360 --> 01:12:13,680
Speaker 1: and you were saying that when people come to you

1534
01:12:13,720 --> 01:12:16,160
Speaker 1: and they're like, oh, then you're amazing on stage and

1535
01:12:16,160 --> 01:12:18,519
Speaker 1: you were great and they speak really quietly, and you said,

1536
01:12:18,520 --> 01:12:20,200
Speaker 1: if you come back to that and go, yeah, what

1537
01:12:20,240 --> 01:12:21,479
Speaker 1: did you like about it?

1538
01:12:21,640 --> 01:12:24,599
Speaker 2: Or even worse like, oh, thank you so much, ah,

1539
01:12:24,760 --> 01:12:27,639
Speaker 2: because you bring sometimes you bring that stage persona straight

1540
01:12:27,760 --> 01:12:31,680
Speaker 2: down yeah. Oh yeah, And how did I learn that?

1541
01:12:31,840 --> 01:12:34,599
Speaker 2: Because that's what I started with. Yeah, and you see

1542
01:12:34,640 --> 01:12:37,040
Speaker 2: them and then they freak out. But that's why I

1543
01:12:37,080 --> 01:12:38,479
Speaker 2: want to ask you, So, how do we do that

1544
01:12:38,520 --> 01:12:39,880
Speaker 2: in a meeting? How do we do that in our

1545
01:12:39,960 --> 01:12:41,040
Speaker 2: daily life? Yeah?

1546
01:12:41,360 --> 01:12:44,360
Speaker 1: Where sometimes what we're saying, but also how we're saying it,

1547
01:12:44,800 --> 01:12:47,080
Speaker 1: we're not even giving it the importance it deserves. How

1548
01:12:47,120 --> 01:12:49,920
Speaker 1: do we establish more authority and influence when we are

1549
01:12:50,000 --> 01:12:52,559
Speaker 1: sharing an idea, when we are proposing a method.

1550
01:12:52,760 --> 01:12:55,080
Speaker 2: You've heard a lot of body language experts say you

1551
01:12:55,160 --> 01:12:57,880
Speaker 2: mentioned mirror people, Yes, right, to build rapport, to make

1552
01:12:57,880 --> 01:13:00,479
Speaker 2: it about them, to build a connection you met, mirror

1553
01:13:00,479 --> 01:13:02,639
Speaker 2: their body language. But what a lot of people don't

1554
01:13:02,680 --> 01:13:05,960
Speaker 2: realize is you can also match and mirror their vocal foundations.

1555
01:13:06,720 --> 01:13:08,240
Speaker 2: So when you think about the voice and you divide

1556
01:13:08,240 --> 01:13:10,320
Speaker 2: it into five different categories, and you think it from

1557
01:13:10,360 --> 01:13:14,120
Speaker 2: the perspective of rate of speech, volume, pitch, and melody,

1558
01:13:14,160 --> 01:13:17,640
Speaker 2: tonality and the pause, now all of a sudden, you

1559
01:13:17,720 --> 01:13:19,960
Speaker 2: have these five factors that you can start to think

1560
01:13:19,960 --> 01:13:22,280
Speaker 2: about when you're talking to people. So if someone comes

1561
01:13:22,360 --> 01:13:24,680
Speaker 2: up to you and they're naturally speaking a little bit

1562
01:13:24,760 --> 01:13:27,679
Speaker 2: quickly because they're nervous, right like that, and they're speaking

1563
01:13:27,680 --> 01:13:29,640
Speaker 2: a little bit lower volume, and their melody is not

1564
01:13:29,680 --> 01:13:31,599
Speaker 2: as great of a range, and you notice these things,

1565
01:13:31,920 --> 01:13:33,479
Speaker 2: then you match in your mirror where they are with

1566
01:13:33,520 --> 01:13:36,240
Speaker 2: their voice too, And then people immediately feel like, oh,

1567
01:13:36,520 --> 01:13:38,960
Speaker 2: you're approachable. Yes, And it's not that we stay there

1568
01:13:39,000 --> 01:13:41,200
Speaker 2: because some people go, oh, but that's in authority, that's

1569
01:13:41,200 --> 01:13:42,960
Speaker 2: not right. No, No, that that's you being a great and

1570
01:13:43,040 --> 01:13:45,599
Speaker 2: dynamic communicator. That's you going, hey, I'm going to meet

1571
01:13:45,600 --> 01:13:47,000
Speaker 2: you where you are to make you feel comfortable, to

1572
01:13:47,040 --> 01:13:50,120
Speaker 2: build connection, to make it about you meet them where

1573
01:13:50,160 --> 01:13:52,160
Speaker 2: they are, and then slowly you take them back out.

1574
01:13:52,160 --> 01:13:53,800
Speaker 2: So if you're meeting them without you go oh, hey,

1575
01:13:53,800 --> 01:13:55,760
Speaker 2: thank you for coming up and saying hello. But hey,

1576
01:13:55,880 --> 01:13:59,040
Speaker 2: can I just ask you quickly too, what did you

1577
01:13:59,280 --> 01:14:01,439
Speaker 2: really take away? What was the key thing you took away?

1578
01:14:01,880 --> 01:14:03,760
Speaker 2: Oh you took that away. Oh that's awesome. Hey, I'm

1579
01:14:03,800 --> 01:14:05,720
Speaker 2: so happy that you came up and had a chat

1580
01:14:05,760 --> 01:14:07,599
Speaker 2: with me all of a sudden. Now, once you're in raport,

1581
01:14:07,600 --> 01:14:08,800
Speaker 2: you can take them to where you want to go.

1582
01:14:09,439 --> 01:14:11,760
Speaker 2: And that's something you can take onto a zoom call.

1583
01:14:11,800 --> 01:14:14,120
Speaker 2: You meet them where they are, right. If someone's really

1584
01:14:14,160 --> 01:14:16,160
Speaker 2: excited about an idea they want to bring to you,

1585
01:14:16,160 --> 01:14:18,439
Speaker 2: you can meet them there with that excitement to show

1586
01:14:18,439 --> 01:14:21,080
Speaker 2: them respect, right, as opposed to a lot of the

1587
01:14:21,080 --> 01:14:22,840
Speaker 2: times previously in my life, someone will come to be

1588
01:14:22,880 --> 01:14:27,360
Speaker 2: really excited and I have one gear, Jay, and I'm

1589
01:14:27,400 --> 01:14:29,920
Speaker 2: just one gear. I'm like, oh, that sounds really cool. Yeah,

1590
01:14:29,920 --> 01:14:33,479
Speaker 2: that's great, awesome man, And I didn't realize that then

1591
01:14:33,479 --> 01:14:35,360
Speaker 2: all of a sudden, I made them feel less important,

1592
01:14:36,000 --> 01:14:39,080
Speaker 2: whereas now, all of a sudden, I've learned that, Ah,

1593
01:14:39,160 --> 01:14:41,479
Speaker 2: when someone comes to me with a peak emotion, even

1594
01:14:41,479 --> 01:14:44,160
Speaker 2: if it's frustration, I will mirror that for them to

1595
01:14:44,200 --> 01:14:46,439
Speaker 2: show them the hey, I feel you. It's like, oh man,

1596
01:14:46,479 --> 01:14:47,360
Speaker 2: that sucks.

1597
01:14:47,920 --> 01:14:48,120
Speaker 1: Right.

1598
01:14:48,160 --> 01:14:50,000
Speaker 2: So it's not just in the words that I use.

1599
01:14:50,439 --> 01:14:52,120
Speaker 2: I deliver it in a way so that they can

1600
01:14:52,160 --> 01:14:54,160
Speaker 2: hear that I'm with you and I'm on the same page. Yes,

1601
01:14:54,680 --> 01:14:56,759
Speaker 2: it's one of the fastest ways to build raport with people.

1602
01:14:56,920 --> 01:15:00,080
Speaker 1: Yeah. I think that's so important because you could a

1603
01:15:00,360 --> 01:15:02,880
Speaker 1: zoom call and someone turns up and they're in a

1604
01:15:02,920 --> 01:15:05,240
Speaker 1: really sad, low mood. Yeah, and in your head you think,

1605
01:15:05,360 --> 01:15:09,120
Speaker 1: come on, like, come on, bring more energy, right, yeah,

1606
01:15:09,160 --> 01:15:11,679
Speaker 1: and then you get frustrated. Yeah, and now you feel

1607
01:15:11,720 --> 01:15:13,519
Speaker 1: you're dragging them up a hill. Whereas if you were like, hey,

1608
01:15:13,520 --> 01:15:15,559
Speaker 1: I just want to check in with you, like you're right, yeah,

1609
01:15:15,600 --> 01:15:16,160
Speaker 1: how's it going?

1610
01:15:16,200 --> 01:15:18,120
Speaker 2: You lower your volume two? Yeah, you meet them where

1611
01:15:18,160 --> 01:15:20,519
Speaker 2: they are. Hey. You know notice it on the other

1612
01:15:20,520 --> 01:15:22,920
Speaker 2: call you weren't. Are you okay? And all of a sudden,

1613
01:15:23,000 --> 01:15:25,160
Speaker 2: people are way more likely to open up if you

1614
01:15:25,320 --> 01:15:27,800
Speaker 2: used your instrument of that way as opposed to, oh mate,

1615
01:15:27,800 --> 01:15:29,559
Speaker 2: what's going on? Yeah, what's going on?

1616
01:15:29,640 --> 01:15:29,840
Speaker 4: Man?

1617
01:15:30,000 --> 01:15:32,920
Speaker 2: Come on, look at the weather outside. It's amazing today.

1618
01:15:32,920 --> 01:15:35,920
Speaker 2: What's going on? They're definitely not opening up to that person.

1619
01:15:36,479 --> 01:15:39,360
Speaker 2: But I didn't have that sensitivity growing up, No sensitivity.

1620
01:15:39,400 --> 01:15:41,120
Speaker 2: I didn't know why so many of my relationships when

1621
01:15:41,160 --> 01:15:43,680
Speaker 2: I was young would fail. Like I remember one of

1622
01:15:43,680 --> 01:15:46,240
Speaker 2: my partners when I was really young, where I would

1623
01:15:46,240 --> 01:15:47,680
Speaker 2: ask her. I'd say to her on a Friday night,

1624
01:15:47,680 --> 01:15:49,120
Speaker 2: I'm like, hey, I know we've got dinner plans tonight,

1625
01:15:49,360 --> 01:15:51,040
Speaker 2: but the guys are doing a land party and we're

1626
01:15:51,040 --> 01:15:53,800
Speaker 2: going to go play CS go Can I go? And

1627
01:15:53,880 --> 01:15:56,400
Speaker 2: you'll go yeah, Fine, just go then, and I just

1628
01:15:56,400 --> 01:16:01,840
Speaker 2: went you are the most amazing girlfriend in I thought

1629
01:16:01,880 --> 01:16:03,680
Speaker 2: you would have said no. And then a way next

1630
01:16:03,720 --> 01:16:05,160
Speaker 2: day you broke up with me, and I was like

1631
01:16:05,479 --> 01:16:08,360
Speaker 2: why And I'd listen to backstrop boys and I'd be like,

1632
01:16:08,360 --> 01:16:10,639
Speaker 2: why did you break up? Is she? But she said yes?

1633
01:16:11,040 --> 01:16:12,679
Speaker 2: And that's when I went through that eraror. I was like, woman,

1634
01:16:12,720 --> 01:16:14,680
Speaker 2: are so confusing, it doesn't make sense. She said I

1635
01:16:14,720 --> 01:16:17,720
Speaker 2: could go. And it was because I wasn't listening to

1636
01:16:17,800 --> 01:16:20,840
Speaker 2: the emotion in the voice. I didn't even have that gear. Man,

1637
01:16:21,200 --> 01:16:22,760
Speaker 2: I just thought what people said, Oh, that's it. I

1638
01:16:22,880 --> 01:16:24,599
Speaker 2: take you for what you said, so it's fine.

1639
01:16:24,760 --> 01:16:26,439
Speaker 1: So it's fine and we justify it.

1640
01:16:26,520 --> 01:16:27,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, what do you think?

1641
01:16:27,200 --> 01:16:28,479
Speaker 1: No, but you did say but you said yes.

1642
01:16:28,920 --> 01:16:31,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, I know I did, but but that's not the point.

1643
01:16:31,360 --> 01:16:34,600
Speaker 2: And then yeah, but again all of a sudden having sensitivity.

1644
01:16:34,640 --> 01:16:36,840
Speaker 2: Now I've got so many different gears now, Jay, And

1645
01:16:36,840 --> 01:16:38,720
Speaker 2: that's the analogy I love to use too, is that

1646
01:16:39,080 --> 01:16:41,000
Speaker 2: because sometimes a lot of people feel that, oh, there's

1647
01:16:41,000 --> 01:16:43,360
Speaker 2: only one version of me, and Jay, this is the

1648
01:16:43,360 --> 01:16:45,160
Speaker 2: only version of me, and I'm this version of me

1649
01:16:45,200 --> 01:16:48,439
Speaker 2: in every situation. That's like having a car with one gear.

1650
01:16:49,120 --> 01:16:51,000
Speaker 2: We are so much more dynamic that than as a

1651
01:16:51,040 --> 01:16:52,920
Speaker 2: human being. And I get my shoes to think of

1652
01:16:53,040 --> 01:16:55,760
Speaker 2: this all the time. Think about when you're angry. You

1653
01:16:55,880 --> 01:16:58,559
Speaker 2: use your voice differently, you use your body language differently

1654
01:16:58,640 --> 01:17:01,519
Speaker 2: when you've done something wrong. And when I've done something

1655
01:17:01,640 --> 01:17:03,760
Speaker 2: like I've maybe stayed out with the guys too late

1656
01:17:03,760 --> 01:17:05,840
Speaker 2: one night, I come home, I talk different to my wife.

1657
01:17:05,880 --> 01:17:09,360
Speaker 2: I'm like, I know, yep, I'm sorry, and I'm very sheepish.

1658
01:17:09,520 --> 01:17:11,920
Speaker 2: You you're different when you've done something wrong. We use

1659
01:17:11,920 --> 01:17:14,400
Speaker 2: our instrument differently in every single one of those situations,

1660
01:17:14,920 --> 01:17:16,800
Speaker 2: but when we don't consciously think about it, sometimes we

1661
01:17:16,840 --> 01:17:19,920
Speaker 2: can default to just one gear. I shopped at the

1662
01:17:19,960 --> 01:17:22,479
Speaker 2: interview the exact same way I shopped, and we shopped

1663
01:17:22,760 --> 01:17:25,360
Speaker 2: in just one rigid gear, and we go, why am

1664
01:17:25,360 --> 01:17:28,360
Speaker 2: I not standing out? Why don't I get more attention?

1665
01:17:28,479 --> 01:17:32,360
Speaker 2: Why don't I get that promotion that I deserve? Yeah,

1666
01:17:32,479 --> 01:17:33,759
Speaker 2: you've got to learn to be more dynamic.

1667
01:17:34,200 --> 01:17:36,160
Speaker 1: I'm really glad you made that point, because I was

1668
01:17:36,200 --> 01:17:38,320
Speaker 1: saying that to you earlier. When I'm on the podcast,

1669
01:17:38,680 --> 01:17:41,000
Speaker 1: I'm a certain way because it's a conversation, yes, But

1670
01:17:41,040 --> 01:17:42,840
Speaker 1: when I'm on stage I get the license to be

1671
01:17:42,880 --> 01:17:45,800
Speaker 1: funny and yes, banter with people and bring people in

1672
01:17:45,840 --> 01:17:49,719
Speaker 1: the audience into that conversation because I can yeah version

1673
01:17:49,720 --> 01:17:51,880
Speaker 1: of you totally. I always say that when I'm on stage,

1674
01:17:51,880 --> 01:17:54,439
Speaker 1: I'm the three to sixty version of myself because I

1675
01:17:54,479 --> 01:17:57,280
Speaker 1: get to be all things yes to everyone that I

1676
01:17:57,320 --> 01:17:59,720
Speaker 1: want to be. Whereas here I'm having a one to

1677
01:17:59,800 --> 01:18:02,479
Speaker 1: one conversation. This is kind of what I'm like when

1678
01:18:02,479 --> 01:18:04,400
Speaker 1: I'm having a one to one conversation with a friend,

1679
01:18:04,479 --> 01:18:07,200
Speaker 1: a family member, whatever it may be, because that's my

1680
01:18:07,280 --> 01:18:09,880
Speaker 1: natural way of being. And then if I'm making a

1681
01:18:09,960 --> 01:18:13,720
Speaker 1: video where there's no people, I find it that's like

1682
01:18:13,800 --> 01:18:17,800
Speaker 1: the most minimal version of me. Yeah, because it's to me,

1683
01:18:17,840 --> 01:18:20,000
Speaker 1: it's all about energy exchange. Yes, So if I'm in

1684
01:18:20,040 --> 01:18:22,679
Speaker 1: a room full of ten twenty thirty people, maybe ten

1685
01:18:22,720 --> 01:18:25,880
Speaker 1: thousand people, there's so much energy to play with. It

1686
01:18:25,920 --> 01:18:27,280
Speaker 1: can be fun, it can be this. It could be

1687
01:18:27,320 --> 01:18:29,719
Speaker 1: that when I'm with you, we're matching each other's energy.

1688
01:18:29,720 --> 01:18:31,519
Speaker 1: And then if I'm on my own and it's just

1689
01:18:31,520 --> 01:18:34,080
Speaker 1: a camera, then i can think about who's going to

1690
01:18:34,120 --> 01:18:37,400
Speaker 1: watch it. But really, I'm only letting one percent of

1691
01:18:37,439 --> 01:18:40,280
Speaker 1: me be me for me, for me, I'm saying. I'm

1692
01:18:40,280 --> 01:18:41,800
Speaker 1: not saying that's the way for everyone. Yeah.

1693
01:18:41,880 --> 01:18:43,960
Speaker 2: No, but it brings up a really important insight that

1694
01:18:43,960 --> 01:18:45,680
Speaker 2: I learned along the way, and it's that be as

1695
01:18:45,720 --> 01:18:46,479
Speaker 2: big as the room.

1696
01:18:46,640 --> 01:18:46,920
Speaker 1: Yes.

1697
01:18:47,560 --> 01:18:50,640
Speaker 2: And you notice how sometimes people do this incorrectly. And

1698
01:18:50,680 --> 01:18:52,280
Speaker 2: I used to be one of those people. Tell me

1699
01:18:52,320 --> 01:18:54,240
Speaker 2: how you do that incorrect well, because I when I

1700
01:18:54,280 --> 01:18:55,920
Speaker 2: first learned about all this, I went, oh, wow, this

1701
01:18:56,000 --> 01:18:59,519
Speaker 2: is amazing. I'm going to bring this and then and

1702
01:18:59,560 --> 01:19:02,280
Speaker 2: I'll bring this, and then people are like, ah, it's

1703
01:19:02,280 --> 01:19:04,479
Speaker 2: a little bit of a winker. That's a bit much,

1704
01:19:04,479 --> 01:19:06,679
Speaker 2: don't you think. And I used to do that because

1705
01:19:06,840 --> 01:19:08,680
Speaker 2: I had no sensitivity. I just thought, oh no, this

1706
01:19:08,720 --> 01:19:10,479
Speaker 2: is really good. I should be like this all the time.

1707
01:19:10,880 --> 01:19:12,640
Speaker 2: And then I realized, oh wow, no, no, no, just

1708
01:19:12,720 --> 01:19:15,160
Speaker 2: that simple rule of be as big as the room. Again,

1709
01:19:15,200 --> 01:19:17,160
Speaker 2: the version of you I'm assuming if you're in front

1710
01:19:17,160 --> 01:19:19,559
Speaker 2: of ten thousand people. Imagine we're in front of ten

1711
01:19:19,560 --> 01:19:21,880
Speaker 2: thousand people and we went out like, OHI everyone, it's

1712
01:19:21,920 --> 01:19:25,439
Speaker 2: great to be here, and I'm excited to It won't work,

1713
01:19:26,040 --> 01:19:28,599
Speaker 2: it won't work right unless your ear totally then it's

1714
01:19:28,600 --> 01:19:31,840
Speaker 2: totally fine. That's on brand, right, whereas all of a sudden,

1715
01:19:31,880 --> 01:19:33,439
Speaker 2: you need to bring a much bigger version of you.

1716
01:19:33,920 --> 01:19:36,479
Speaker 2: But you have to develop that sensitivity. Whereas I see

1717
01:19:36,520 --> 01:19:39,360
Speaker 2: sometimes when my students were new to communications, they missed

1718
01:19:39,400 --> 01:19:43,120
Speaker 2: the mark and usually they're too small. Yes, more often

1719
01:19:43,160 --> 01:19:45,320
Speaker 2: than not they have this fear I'm going to be

1720
01:19:45,320 --> 01:19:45,680
Speaker 2: too much.

1721
01:19:45,760 --> 01:19:46,040
Speaker 1: No, no, no.

1722
01:19:46,600 --> 01:19:48,400
Speaker 2: The danger is not your too much. The danger is

1723
01:19:48,400 --> 01:19:50,680
Speaker 2: that you've been living way too small. For me. It's

1724
01:19:50,680 --> 01:19:53,240
Speaker 2: always about pushing them up. But the fear they have is, oh,

1725
01:19:53,280 --> 01:19:55,360
Speaker 2: but it's too much. I'm like, no, no, no, no, it's too little.

1726
01:19:55,720 --> 01:19:58,720
Speaker 2: You're playing too small. Right. So again, that sensitivity is

1727
01:19:58,720 --> 01:20:01,160
Speaker 2: important to develop. You're with thirty people. It's a different

1728
01:20:01,240 --> 01:20:03,680
Speaker 2: version of you, and it's okay because you you have

1729
01:20:03,720 --> 01:20:05,400
Speaker 2: to be a bigger version of you to be effective

1730
01:20:05,680 --> 01:20:09,439
Speaker 2: in that medium. Yes, otherwise will seem like you don't care.

1731
01:20:09,479 --> 01:20:11,639
Speaker 2: Otherwise sometimes it can come across like you don't care.

1732
01:20:11,920 --> 01:20:14,640
Speaker 1: It's such an art and what we're talking about is

1733
01:20:14,640 --> 01:20:17,720
Speaker 1: obviously the spectrum of yes, you know, the kind of

1734
01:20:17,760 --> 01:20:20,160
Speaker 1: like the expertise, the mastery, all the way through to

1735
01:20:20,240 --> 01:20:23,960
Speaker 1: the challenge. And it does blow my mind that public

1736
01:20:24,000 --> 01:20:28,439
Speaker 1: speaking comes out as the number one fear in the world,

1737
01:20:29,000 --> 01:20:33,160
Speaker 1: and seventy five percent of the world's population is scared

1738
01:20:33,200 --> 01:20:35,720
Speaker 1: of public speaking, and it's something we have to do

1739
01:20:35,840 --> 01:20:37,280
Speaker 1: every single day.

1740
01:20:38,200 --> 01:20:40,439
Speaker 2: And people think, but I'm not on stage. Yeah, but

1741
01:20:40,479 --> 01:20:43,639
Speaker 2: anytime you open your mouth in public, that's public speaking, right,

1742
01:20:43,800 --> 01:20:46,880
Speaker 2: it is public speaking. Yeah, you're publicly speaking every single day.

1743
01:20:47,360 --> 01:20:51,519
Speaker 2: And that also shows an opportunity. Jay, if seventy five

1744
01:20:51,600 --> 01:20:54,519
Speaker 2: percent of people fear it, that means only one in

1745
01:20:54,600 --> 01:20:57,080
Speaker 2: four people kind of do it. So if you can

1746
01:20:57,120 --> 01:21:00,000
Speaker 2: get good at this skill, you now have a competitive end.

1747
01:21:00,840 --> 01:21:02,559
Speaker 2: And one of the greatest things that I've noticed is

1748
01:21:02,560 --> 01:21:07,760
Speaker 2: that why do creators become such great communicators they do?

1749
01:21:08,320 --> 01:21:11,680
Speaker 2: I mean watch creators. Why do they become such great communicators?

1750
01:21:12,160 --> 01:21:17,240
Speaker 2: It's because they film themselves every single day and they

1751
01:21:17,320 --> 01:21:20,200
Speaker 2: watch it back and they notice behaviors that serve them,

1752
01:21:20,600 --> 01:21:23,599
Speaker 2: and they notice behaviors that don't serve them, and then

1753
01:21:23,640 --> 01:21:26,439
Speaker 2: they remove the behaviors that don't serve them. Because one

1754
01:21:26,439 --> 01:21:27,840
Speaker 2: of these things that I ask a lot of creators,

1755
01:21:27,880 --> 01:21:30,120
Speaker 2: I always ask them like, so, what formal communication trainings

1756
01:21:30,160 --> 01:21:32,720
Speaker 2: you do? And they're like, what what are you talking

1757
01:21:32,760 --> 01:21:35,599
Speaker 2: about it. I'm like, I had to learn so many

1758
01:21:35,720 --> 01:21:39,160
Speaker 2: years to and from that simple that's why I want

1759
01:21:39,200 --> 01:21:40,880
Speaker 2: to bring it back again for the listeners. Right, that

1760
01:21:41,080 --> 01:21:43,320
Speaker 2: simple process. If you just committed to the process of

1761
01:21:43,320 --> 01:21:46,040
Speaker 2: recording yourself once a week, you will now have one

1762
01:21:46,080 --> 01:21:50,000
Speaker 2: of the competitive edges that all creators have. They're impeccable communicators.

1763
01:21:50,439 --> 01:21:52,639
Speaker 2: And why do you keep going back to the creators

1764
01:21:52,680 --> 01:21:54,960
Speaker 2: that you love every single week you keep watching every video.

1765
01:21:55,080 --> 01:21:56,920
Speaker 2: It's because they're able to form a connection with you.

1766
01:21:57,160 --> 01:21:59,439
Speaker 2: What skill are they using to form that connection with you?

1767
01:22:00,040 --> 01:22:04,000
Speaker 2: The ability to communicate and articulate ideas with clarity. So

1768
01:22:04,040 --> 01:22:06,080
Speaker 2: all of a sudden, now you kind of see that

1769
01:22:06,160 --> 01:22:10,040
Speaker 2: hidden secret there where it's about they just keep putting

1770
01:22:10,040 --> 01:22:10,679
Speaker 2: in the reps.

1771
01:22:11,560 --> 01:22:13,920
Speaker 1: It's I never even put two into together. It's such

1772
01:22:13,960 --> 01:22:17,960
Speaker 1: a great point that they're actually practicing that exact method.

1773
01:22:18,360 --> 01:22:21,479
Speaker 1: But first, here's a quick word from the brands that

1774
01:22:21,560 --> 01:22:25,240
Speaker 1: support the show. All right, thank you to our sponsors.

1775
01:22:25,520 --> 01:22:28,839
Speaker 1: Now let's dive back in. When I left the monastery

1776
01:22:28,840 --> 01:22:31,120
Speaker 1: and I got a job at Centure, we had someone

1777
01:22:31,160 --> 01:22:33,439
Speaker 1: come and do public speaking training while we're at the company.

1778
01:22:33,479 --> 01:22:35,880
Speaker 1: I wish it was you, it wasn't.

1779
01:22:34,640 --> 01:22:38,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, I would have been terrible at it at the time.

1780
01:22:39,400 --> 01:22:41,559
Speaker 1: But they had us film ourselves and it was really

1781
01:22:41,600 --> 01:22:44,559
Speaker 1: interesting to me. I believed at that point that I

1782
01:22:44,640 --> 01:22:47,439
Speaker 1: was I was. I wouldn't say I was a seasoned speaker,

1783
01:22:47,439 --> 01:22:49,320
Speaker 1: but I was a very experienced speaker, because even as

1784
01:22:49,320 --> 01:22:53,639
Speaker 1: a monk, I gave, you know, three hour lectures every day,

1785
01:22:54,240 --> 01:22:56,400
Speaker 1: and so there was a lot of speaking involved in

1786
01:22:56,439 --> 01:23:01,880
Speaker 1: teaching from scripture and wisdom and that we had. But

1787
01:23:02,160 --> 01:23:04,400
Speaker 1: it was really interesting. As a monk, I would sit

1788
01:23:04,479 --> 01:23:08,599
Speaker 1: and speak like you'd sit on a low It's called

1789
01:23:08,600 --> 01:23:11,920
Speaker 1: a vassa san in the Indian language, and what it

1790
01:23:11,920 --> 01:23:13,679
Speaker 1: would be described as, I guess it's a very low

1791
01:23:13,720 --> 01:23:16,080
Speaker 1: bench like you may have seen it in movies or

1792
01:23:16,080 --> 01:23:18,040
Speaker 1: whatever it may be. It's just very very low, and

1793
01:23:17,760 --> 01:23:20,240
Speaker 1: it's it's a small seat, and so you're sitting cross legged.

1794
01:23:20,280 --> 01:23:22,439
Speaker 1: Low it's position, and your hands are usually in there

1795
01:23:22,479 --> 01:23:25,360
Speaker 1: and you may use some hand gestures, but generally they're

1796
01:23:25,360 --> 01:23:28,640
Speaker 1: rested and it's a smaller group. I would stand and

1797
01:23:28,680 --> 01:23:30,559
Speaker 1: talk if I was giving a talk to university students,

1798
01:23:30,600 --> 01:23:31,960
Speaker 1: which I did while I was a monk as well,

1799
01:23:32,000 --> 01:23:34,360
Speaker 1: and maybe there'd be a circle of people. But then

1800
01:23:34,400 --> 01:23:36,840
Speaker 1: we videoed ourselves and it was really interesting. I found

1801
01:23:36,840 --> 01:23:38,840
Speaker 1: myself in that video, just doing this the whole time.

1802
01:23:39,960 --> 01:23:42,400
Speaker 1: And then I watched that video back and I found

1803
01:23:42,400 --> 01:23:44,360
Speaker 1: that that's all I did with my hands at that time,

1804
01:23:44,360 --> 01:23:47,559
Speaker 1: and it was so powerful to be able to see

1805
01:23:47,600 --> 01:23:49,640
Speaker 1: how you and it looked so cringe, right, it just

1806
01:23:49,840 --> 01:23:51,080
Speaker 1: but it's like every time I made a point, I

1807
01:23:51,200 --> 01:23:53,360
Speaker 1: do this, and then I'd come back to here, and

1808
01:23:53,400 --> 01:23:55,640
Speaker 1: that's a very like you know, as a monk, our

1809
01:23:55,680 --> 01:23:58,040
Speaker 1: palms would actually we rested in meditation whatever. And it

1810
01:23:58,120 --> 01:24:01,639
Speaker 1: was so interesting how I'd taken that habit right into

1811
01:24:01,680 --> 01:24:04,320
Speaker 1: my work life. Oh right, right, And I was giving

1812
01:24:04,320 --> 01:24:06,439
Speaker 1: a corporate talk at the time. But what I'm saying

1813
01:24:06,479 --> 01:24:09,200
Speaker 1: is I'm reiterating the point of needing to film yourself

1814
01:24:09,240 --> 01:24:11,960
Speaker 1: speaking like I stand by it fully and I think

1815
01:24:12,000 --> 01:24:13,639
Speaker 1: you're spot on. Make you people to do it.

1816
01:24:13,640 --> 01:24:15,639
Speaker 2: It's so cooled to geek out on this. Yes, you've

1817
01:24:15,640 --> 01:24:18,559
Speaker 2: had so much training in this arena. Right now, even

1818
01:24:18,640 --> 01:24:21,439
Speaker 2: as you listen to this to the listener, you already

1819
01:24:21,640 --> 01:24:26,760
Speaker 2: know what great communication looks like because you've been to

1820
01:24:26,800 --> 01:24:30,160
Speaker 2: a conference and a speaker walks out on stage. Within

1821
01:24:30,280 --> 01:24:33,080
Speaker 2: ten seconds, you now make a decision whether you're listening

1822
01:24:33,160 --> 01:24:35,639
Speaker 2: or your life and you'd make a big decision whether

1823
01:24:35,680 --> 01:24:37,599
Speaker 2: you're you're going to go to your now social media

1824
01:24:37,640 --> 01:24:41,120
Speaker 2: feed or not. Right, So, there are certain cues that

1825
01:24:41,200 --> 01:24:44,360
Speaker 2: you recognize as being cues that are engaging. Oh the

1826
01:24:44,400 --> 01:24:46,160
Speaker 2: way they're using their voice, I'm in the way they're

1827
01:24:46,240 --> 01:24:48,600
Speaker 2: using their body language. Oh, I'm in right. So you

1828
01:24:48,640 --> 01:24:51,280
Speaker 2: already have all of that information in your mind. But

1829
01:24:51,360 --> 01:24:54,880
Speaker 2: here's where it gets interesting. You've never applied any of

1830
01:24:54,920 --> 01:24:59,519
Speaker 2: those ideas in your head to yourself. So you'll be

1831
01:24:59,520 --> 01:25:01,599
Speaker 2: shocked because again, when you all of a sudden watch yourself,

1832
01:25:01,640 --> 01:25:06,960
Speaker 2: you go, oh, no, I come across like Barry. Ah, no,

1833
01:25:07,120 --> 01:25:09,360
Speaker 2: sorry to the Barry's out there, just pick the random name.

1834
01:25:09,400 --> 01:25:11,040
Speaker 2: But again they go, no, I come across like Barry.

1835
01:25:12,120 --> 01:25:15,040
Speaker 2: But that's because again you've been avoiding this your entire life. Yes,

1836
01:25:15,160 --> 01:25:16,599
Speaker 2: and then the reason why I wanted to bring it up again.

1837
01:25:16,640 --> 01:25:18,240
Speaker 2: I'm so glad you brought up again is because if

1838
01:25:18,240 --> 01:25:20,320
Speaker 2: there's one thing you do if you listen to this

1839
01:25:20,360 --> 01:25:23,960
Speaker 2: episode is record a video of yourself, and you'll think

1840
01:25:24,040 --> 01:25:26,479
Speaker 2: Jay and I later because you'll see things that you

1841
01:25:26,520 --> 01:25:29,599
Speaker 2: didn't realize. You know, you have so much beautiful knowledge

1842
01:25:29,600 --> 01:25:31,880
Speaker 2: already in your mind about what makes a great communicator,

1843
01:25:32,280 --> 01:25:34,679
Speaker 2: because why are you drawn to a certain YouTube video

1844
01:25:34,680 --> 01:25:37,479
Speaker 2: and a certain creator. You've already had these internal references

1845
01:25:37,479 --> 01:25:40,479
Speaker 2: in your mind of what great communication is for you. Yes,

1846
01:25:40,800 --> 01:25:42,519
Speaker 2: And all of a sudden, now you get to apply

1847
01:25:42,720 --> 01:25:44,920
Speaker 2: the same list of things to yourself. Do you know

1848
01:25:44,960 --> 01:25:48,639
Speaker 2: how cool that is? That is so cool? And which

1849
01:25:48,680 --> 01:25:50,400
Speaker 2: brings me to my next point where my students ask me.

1850
01:25:50,439 --> 01:25:53,760
Speaker 2: They go, well, well, then how do I become myself? Though?

1851
01:25:54,360 --> 01:25:56,720
Speaker 2: How do I find my Because I always talk about

1852
01:25:56,760 --> 01:25:58,799
Speaker 2: this present version of you and your way too attached

1853
01:25:58,840 --> 01:26:00,839
Speaker 2: to it. Let go of the present version of you,

1854
01:26:00,880 --> 01:26:02,880
Speaker 2: give the future version of you a chance. And they go, well,

1855
01:26:02,880 --> 01:26:04,760
Speaker 2: how do we make that transition? Well, I say, look,

1856
01:26:04,920 --> 01:26:07,120
Speaker 2: first of all, just record yourself. But then after that,

1857
01:26:07,160 --> 01:26:10,400
Speaker 2: as you begin this journey. I view the journey of

1858
01:26:10,400 --> 01:26:12,600
Speaker 2: being a great communicator like the journey of becoming a

1859
01:26:12,600 --> 01:26:14,760
Speaker 2: great chef. So how would you become a great chef?

1860
01:26:14,840 --> 01:26:16,640
Speaker 2: You would go out and you would look for a

1861
01:26:16,640 --> 01:26:18,599
Speaker 2: great chef, and you would look for one of the recipes.

1862
01:26:18,640 --> 01:26:20,280
Speaker 2: You buy the recipe book, and then you'd copy the

1863
01:26:20,320 --> 01:26:23,000
Speaker 2: recipe right and then at the beginning you copy the

1864
01:26:23,040 --> 01:26:25,120
Speaker 2: recipe almost exactly, and then you start cooking it, and

1865
01:26:25,160 --> 01:26:27,080
Speaker 2: you eat it and you go, I didn't think that's

1866
01:26:27,080 --> 01:26:28,760
Speaker 2: what the chef was intending. So you copy a little

1867
01:26:28,760 --> 01:26:30,800
Speaker 2: closer and you go, oh, I did the method wrong.

1868
01:26:30,960 --> 01:26:32,759
Speaker 2: And then as you copy closer, you go, oh, wow,

1869
01:26:33,280 --> 01:26:35,560
Speaker 2: that day's amazing. And then as you cook it a

1870
01:26:35,560 --> 01:26:37,080
Speaker 2: few more times, you gain the confidence now to go,

1871
01:26:37,160 --> 01:26:38,679
Speaker 2: you know what, I'm going to add a little more chili.

1872
01:26:39,280 --> 01:26:41,160
Speaker 2: I got to say that the chef didn't put enough chili.

1873
01:26:41,160 --> 01:26:42,720
Speaker 2: You put a bit more chili, you put a little lemon,

1874
01:26:42,760 --> 01:26:45,200
Speaker 2: you put a little bit of more garlic, onion, everything,

1875
01:26:45,400 --> 01:26:47,760
Speaker 2: and now you make it your own. Same thing with

1876
01:26:47,800 --> 01:26:50,320
Speaker 2: communication skills, Yes, if you want to get some inspiration,

1877
01:26:50,640 --> 01:26:53,360
Speaker 2: go look up your top five communicators.

1878
01:26:53,520 --> 01:26:55,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, and then.

1879
01:26:55,000 --> 01:26:56,720
Speaker 2: Sit down watch if you break it down, what are

1880
01:26:56,760 --> 01:27:00,559
Speaker 2: they doing that you love so much? Try those on.

1881
01:27:01,760 --> 01:27:05,640
Speaker 2: Now you have an ocean of different behaviors to play with,

1882
01:27:06,320 --> 01:27:07,240
Speaker 2: and you'll try some of them on.

1883
01:27:07,320 --> 01:27:08,040
Speaker 1: You go, that's not me.

1884
01:27:08,760 --> 01:27:12,639
Speaker 2: Like, same with me. When I first started speaking on stage,

1885
01:27:12,960 --> 01:27:15,559
Speaker 2: I admired Anthony Robins so much. I was like, wow,

1886
01:27:15,600 --> 01:27:17,320
Speaker 2: because I've read his books that changed my life, and

1887
01:27:17,360 --> 01:27:19,080
Speaker 2: I was like, I'm going to try to be like

1888
01:27:19,080 --> 01:27:21,160
Speaker 2: Anthony Robbins and I jumped up and I did it,

1889
01:27:21,600 --> 01:27:24,240
Speaker 2: and it felt so wrong because I was like, this

1890
01:27:24,280 --> 01:27:26,680
Speaker 2: is not me, but that was okay. I had to

1891
01:27:26,720 --> 01:27:29,240
Speaker 2: have done that to know it wasn't for me. I

1892
01:27:29,280 --> 01:27:31,519
Speaker 2: had to have eaten that dish to know I didn't

1893
01:27:31,640 --> 01:27:33,880
Speaker 2: like the flavor. But too many of us judge it

1894
01:27:33,880 --> 01:27:36,000
Speaker 2: before we try it. Absolutely, I'm not even gonna try

1895
01:27:36,000 --> 01:27:38,880
Speaker 2: that dish. No, try it, because that's how I discovered

1896
01:27:38,920 --> 01:27:40,800
Speaker 2: some of my favorite dishes in my life. Was I

1897
01:27:41,400 --> 01:27:43,960
Speaker 2: resisted it, tried it, loved it, loved it after that.

1898
01:27:44,560 --> 01:27:47,960
Speaker 2: So again, start looking up a list of five communicators

1899
01:27:47,960 --> 01:27:49,920
Speaker 2: that you love and then just pick a few different

1900
01:27:49,960 --> 01:27:52,519
Speaker 2: things from them and try it on. Yeah, it's all right.

1901
01:27:52,880 --> 01:27:55,360
Speaker 1: We share one of our favorite communicators, which is a

1902
01:27:55,400 --> 01:27:58,120
Speaker 1: bit more obscure that most people may not be aware

1903
01:27:58,160 --> 01:28:00,240
Speaker 1: of it, may not see him as a communicator's Darren.

1904
01:28:00,720 --> 01:28:04,280
Speaker 1: I think Darren is absolutely Darren is my favorite person

1905
01:28:04,320 --> 01:28:04,839
Speaker 1: on stage.

1906
01:28:05,240 --> 01:28:08,720
Speaker 2: To what showmanship? Yeah, showmanship is a magician's fancy word

1907
01:28:08,720 --> 01:28:12,560
Speaker 2: for communication skills. Yeah right, unbelievab showmanship.

1908
01:28:12,880 --> 01:28:16,320
Speaker 1: Everything from the humor to the pacing, to the body language,

1909
01:28:16,320 --> 01:28:17,960
Speaker 1: to when to sit, when to stand.

1910
01:28:19,280 --> 01:28:22,240
Speaker 2: Mastery, yeah, yeah, it makes you want to give up

1911
01:28:22,320 --> 01:28:24,200
Speaker 2: magic when you see someone like that.

1912
01:28:24,400 --> 01:28:27,160
Speaker 1: He's too good, too good for sure.

1913
01:28:27,280 --> 01:28:30,240
Speaker 2: And I remember doing a trip to the UK my wife.

1914
01:28:30,960 --> 01:28:33,679
Speaker 2: My wife likes Dane Brown, not she just doesn't love Darren.

1915
01:28:35,160 --> 01:28:36,080
Speaker 1: Same sentences.

1916
01:28:36,640 --> 01:28:41,000
Speaker 2: We followed him to three cities to watch the same show.

1917
01:28:41,320 --> 01:28:43,519
Speaker 2: So that's why my wife couldn't stand it by the

1918
01:28:43,600 --> 01:28:45,519
Speaker 2: end of it. But I watched the same show three times.

1919
01:28:45,880 --> 01:28:49,360
Speaker 2: I loved it even more the third time. What you

1920
01:28:49,360 --> 01:28:52,559
Speaker 2: talked about before, his ability to execute what they call

1921
01:28:52,920 --> 01:28:58,160
Speaker 2: planned spontaneity is unbelievable. That is such a skill, like

1922
01:28:58,200 --> 01:29:01,160
Speaker 2: your comedian friend. Yes, even though it happens nearly every night,

1923
01:29:01,560 --> 01:29:04,280
Speaker 2: people think it's random. Yes, but it happens every night

1924
01:29:04,840 --> 01:29:07,800
Speaker 2: plant spontanety. He made it look spontaneous every single time,

1925
01:29:07,840 --> 01:29:10,280
Speaker 2: and I appreciate it every moment of that. I was like,

1926
01:29:10,320 --> 01:29:12,360
Speaker 2: how did you make that looks even more fresh than

1927
01:29:12,400 --> 01:29:15,439
Speaker 2: the first two times? It's incredible, But that's what it is.

1928
01:29:16,160 --> 01:29:17,920
Speaker 1: I love hearing that story that you went there three

1929
01:29:17,960 --> 01:29:20,160
Speaker 1: times even though you knew what trick he was going

1930
01:29:20,240 --> 01:29:23,160
Speaker 1: to do. It's because that's what you're doing. You're studying

1931
01:29:23,720 --> 01:29:25,799
Speaker 1: the art of what worked and then the other speech

1932
01:29:25,880 --> 01:29:28,720
Speaker 1: that I love, probably my favorite favorite favorite speech of

1933
01:29:28,720 --> 01:29:30,799
Speaker 1: all time that I've listened to the most at least,

1934
01:29:31,120 --> 01:29:34,439
Speaker 1: is Steve Jobs's Standford commencement speech. And it's a really

1935
01:29:34,520 --> 01:29:38,519
Speaker 1: interesting speech because there's nobody gestures, there's no use of hands,

1936
01:29:38,880 --> 01:29:43,839
Speaker 1: there's nothing. It's potentially even monotonous. I think he speaks

1937
01:29:43,880 --> 01:29:47,200
Speaker 1: at the same volume pretty much the whole time, but

1938
01:29:47,240 --> 01:29:50,840
Speaker 1: there's something just so profound. His voice is phenomenal. It

1939
01:29:50,880 --> 01:29:52,760
Speaker 1: talked to me through why that works. Why are so

1940
01:29:52,800 --> 01:29:55,639
Speaker 1: many people love that speech apart from it being Steve Jobs,

1941
01:29:56,160 --> 01:29:58,360
Speaker 1: Because I don't like to be like, oh, it was

1942
01:29:58,360 --> 01:30:00,759
Speaker 1: a good speech because it was Steve everyone loved it. No, no, no,

1943
01:30:00,920 --> 01:30:03,200
Speaker 1: there was still something. I mean, the content's insane.

1944
01:30:03,280 --> 01:30:06,080
Speaker 2: But think of from the perspective of music, Yeah, right,

1945
01:30:06,800 --> 01:30:10,640
Speaker 2: there are times that lyrics can be so powerful. Yeah,

1946
01:30:10,960 --> 01:30:15,559
Speaker 2: that the way you play that song is irrelevant because

1947
01:30:15,600 --> 01:30:18,760
Speaker 2: the lyrics of it speak to your heart. Yes, it's

1948
01:30:18,760 --> 01:30:21,840
Speaker 2: so strong that it doesn't matter how you play, it

1949
01:30:21,920 --> 01:30:24,639
Speaker 2: hits you. And that's where you can lean into the content.

1950
01:30:25,280 --> 01:30:27,840
Speaker 2: There is some content that is just so powerful that

1951
01:30:28,040 --> 01:30:32,280
Speaker 2: regardless of delivery, it hits because of the profound nature

1952
01:30:32,320 --> 01:30:36,480
Speaker 2: that exists within the lyrics. And then I've seen pianists

1953
01:30:36,600 --> 01:30:41,519
Speaker 2: play Twinkle Twinkle, Little Star, and I was flabbergust. One

1954
01:30:41,560 --> 01:30:44,960
Speaker 2: of the most basic songs you've ever heard, and the

1955
01:30:45,000 --> 01:30:48,160
Speaker 2: way they added chords to it and the rhythm and

1956
01:30:48,200 --> 01:30:50,680
Speaker 2: the way they really I've never heard to go to

1957
01:30:50,680 --> 01:30:52,800
Speaker 2: a little star of that. So you can take something

1958
01:30:52,880 --> 01:30:56,000
Speaker 2: basic and use delivery to make it amazing, or you

1959
01:30:56,040 --> 01:30:59,080
Speaker 2: could take something truly profound and have no delivery and

1960
01:30:59,240 --> 01:31:01,880
Speaker 2: is just as an amazing And that's the beauty of music,

1961
01:31:01,880 --> 01:31:05,320
Speaker 2: that's the beauty of poles and art, and it's the

1962
01:31:05,320 --> 01:31:07,799
Speaker 2: beauty of that right. And you just have to determine

1963
01:31:07,840 --> 01:31:10,479
Speaker 2: for you with what you're currently doing, does it have

1964
01:31:10,680 --> 01:31:14,200
Speaker 2: that level of profoundness and can you keep that level

1965
01:31:14,200 --> 01:31:17,080
Speaker 2: of profoundness that consistently throughout this life where you can

1966
01:31:17,120 --> 01:31:19,679
Speaker 2: just forget about delivery. And if you can, damn good

1967
01:31:19,680 --> 01:31:23,040
Speaker 2: for you. That's amazing. Yeah, yeah, thing, job, that's incredible,

1968
01:31:23,080 --> 01:31:25,280
Speaker 2: and everything you say is that potent. Then you don't

1969
01:31:25,320 --> 01:31:27,600
Speaker 2: have to worry about your communication skills because one of

1970
01:31:27,680 --> 01:31:30,000
Speaker 2: the I'm sure you get this, you get trolls, but

1971
01:31:30,000 --> 01:31:32,760
Speaker 2: I always have trolls of my content where They're like, oh, yeah,

1972
01:31:32,960 --> 01:31:35,479
Speaker 2: but then what about Elon Musk. He doesn't have to work,

1973
01:31:35,520 --> 01:31:38,120
Speaker 2: what about his communication skills? And I always say I

1974
01:31:38,120 --> 01:31:39,880
Speaker 2: shouldn't ever respond to these, but sometimes it get a

1975
01:31:39,880 --> 01:31:41,960
Speaker 2: bit cheeky and I do, and I go listen, mate,

1976
01:31:42,280 --> 01:31:45,679
Speaker 2: if you're as smart and intelligent as Elon Musk, forget

1977
01:31:45,680 --> 01:31:47,840
Speaker 2: about communication skills. Just get us to mask, make us

1978
01:31:47,840 --> 01:31:51,120
Speaker 2: a multiplanetary species, right, I forget about it. Please please

1979
01:31:51,160 --> 01:31:53,639
Speaker 2: save the human race. But if you're a mere mortal

1980
01:31:53,760 --> 01:31:56,280
Speaker 2: like me, then you probably should work on this skill.

1981
01:31:56,880 --> 01:31:59,960
Speaker 2: But do you know what I mean? So again, and sometimes,

1982
01:31:59,800 --> 01:32:02,479
Speaker 2: and sometimes you're right. Sometimes when you have something that profound,

1983
01:32:03,400 --> 01:32:05,040
Speaker 2: you also want to let go of some of the

1984
01:32:05,040 --> 01:32:07,080
Speaker 2: bills and whistles. I agree, you want to let go

1985
01:32:07,160 --> 01:32:09,400
Speaker 2: of some of that. Yes, it's a delivery choice and

1986
01:32:09,400 --> 01:32:10,280
Speaker 2: a delivery style.

1987
01:32:10,560 --> 01:32:12,599
Speaker 1: Yeah. A good balance. One that I've seen is Matthew

1988
01:32:12,640 --> 01:32:16,080
Speaker 1: McConaughey's Oscar speech and he accepted for Dallas Buyers Club.

1989
01:32:16,479 --> 01:32:20,080
Speaker 1: It's like that perfect balance between he's I mean, he's

1990
01:32:20,080 --> 01:32:23,599
Speaker 1: got an amazing voice, phenomenal orator and communicator, and at

1991
01:32:23,640 --> 01:32:26,760
Speaker 1: the same time the content so profound, and so you

1992
01:32:26,800 --> 01:32:30,160
Speaker 1: see a great marriage of the two in that one

1993
01:32:30,280 --> 01:32:34,720
Speaker 1: where there's showmanship, there's performance, and there's potency. Yeah, and

1994
01:32:35,200 --> 01:32:37,439
Speaker 1: you're right, I agree with you. I only brought up

1995
01:32:37,439 --> 01:32:39,680
Speaker 1: the Steve Jobs one because and I love the way

1996
01:32:39,720 --> 01:32:42,000
Speaker 1: you explained. I'm so glad I asked it because that

1997
01:32:42,080 --> 01:32:45,720
Speaker 1: idea of the lyrics just being so profound, really just

1998
01:32:45,760 --> 01:32:47,639
Speaker 1: read it realized. He literally read it off a piece

1999
01:32:47,680 --> 01:32:51,040
Speaker 1: of paper, and you listen to every single word. I mean,

2000
01:32:51,160 --> 01:32:53,559
Speaker 1: you know, it's so powerful. I was going to ask you,

2001
01:32:54,000 --> 01:32:57,519
Speaker 1: people can sense when something feels inauthentic. What are we sensing?

2002
01:32:58,120 --> 01:33:03,000
Speaker 2: Misalignment? However, want comes to communication alone. It's usually people

2003
01:33:03,080 --> 01:33:06,720
Speaker 2: trying something out that they haven't really ironed out yet.

2004
01:33:07,680 --> 01:33:09,720
Speaker 2: And I hope this is not nauseating and people and

2005
01:33:09,800 --> 01:33:11,280
Speaker 2: starting to vomit in the back of their throats at

2006
01:33:11,280 --> 01:33:14,400
Speaker 2: this point. But when somebody first plays the saxophone, how

2007
01:33:14,439 --> 01:33:17,000
Speaker 2: does it sound? Yeah? Yeah, no, Greg, Yeah, I have

2008
01:33:17,080 --> 01:33:19,559
Speaker 2: one of those neighbors. Yeah, it's fine, it's fine. I

2009
01:33:19,560 --> 01:33:21,120
Speaker 2: find it very sweet as a young kid learning how

2010
01:33:21,160 --> 01:33:24,120
Speaker 2: to play right and do you ever sit for a

2011
01:33:24,160 --> 01:33:26,760
Speaker 2: moment and going that is the most inauthentic saxophone player

2012
01:33:26,800 --> 01:33:29,240
Speaker 2: I've ever heard in my life. No, what a fake

2013
01:33:29,320 --> 01:33:32,840
Speaker 2: saxophone player? No, you get that person's learning and I'm

2014
01:33:32,840 --> 01:33:34,800
Speaker 2: just making a communication related Yeah, I love it. So

2015
01:33:34,840 --> 01:33:36,600
Speaker 2: when I have my students try out things for the

2016
01:33:36,600 --> 01:33:38,320
Speaker 2: first time, and they're doing things like this, right, So

2017
01:33:38,360 --> 01:33:40,000
Speaker 2: they first learned volume, they like, oh, I've been speaking

2018
01:33:40,000 --> 01:33:42,240
Speaker 2: with a low volume my whole life. So then they go, Okay,

2019
01:33:42,280 --> 01:33:44,640
Speaker 2: I'm going to try to talk like this. Okay, and

2020
01:33:44,680 --> 01:33:46,880
Speaker 2: I've just learned hand gesture, so I'm I'm gonna try

2021
01:33:46,880 --> 01:33:49,920
Speaker 2: to People immediately look at that and go inauthentic. Yes,

2022
01:33:50,000 --> 01:33:51,920
Speaker 2: you're doing something that's not authentic to you. No, no, no,

2023
01:33:52,080 --> 01:33:54,920
Speaker 2: I'm like stop. That is someone just starting to learn

2024
01:33:54,920 --> 01:33:57,040
Speaker 2: how to play the saxophone. And the moment you call

2025
01:33:57,080 --> 01:33:58,920
Speaker 2: them in authentic and fake, do you know what happens

2026
01:33:58,920 --> 01:34:01,160
Speaker 2: to them? They're now rev to the same behaviors that've

2027
01:34:01,160 --> 01:34:03,040
Speaker 2: been repeating for the last thirty years of their life.

2028
01:34:03,880 --> 01:34:08,040
Speaker 2: It's such an intricate moment for someone when they're choosing

2029
01:34:08,080 --> 01:34:11,559
Speaker 2: to play their instrument in a different way that you've

2030
01:34:11,560 --> 01:34:14,519
Speaker 2: got to help them move towards the future version of them.

2031
01:34:14,600 --> 01:34:18,320
Speaker 2: Jay right, And that's what we sense, that inauthentic part

2032
01:34:18,360 --> 01:34:19,880
Speaker 2: where we go Oh, this person, I feel like they've

2033
01:34:19,880 --> 01:34:23,280
Speaker 2: been in authentic. Yeah, you don't know the backstory. Maybe

2034
01:34:23,280 --> 01:34:25,599
Speaker 2: this person is trying to be heard because their entire

2035
01:34:25,640 --> 01:34:29,320
Speaker 2: life they've been invisible. And the way that they're trying

2036
01:34:29,320 --> 01:34:31,920
Speaker 2: on this new way of speaking is because they're just

2037
01:34:31,960 --> 01:34:33,600
Speaker 2: testing out the instrument in a different way. And you

2038
01:34:33,640 --> 01:34:35,400
Speaker 2: just caught them on a bad day. You just caught

2039
01:34:35,439 --> 01:34:38,000
Speaker 2: them when they were playing poorly. And I think we

2040
01:34:38,040 --> 01:34:40,439
Speaker 2: need a little more of that compassion. Yeah, we need

2041
01:34:40,479 --> 01:34:43,040
Speaker 2: a little more of that empathy because I've approached that

2042
01:34:43,080 --> 01:34:46,040
Speaker 2: and I've made those judgments before myself too. But I've

2043
01:34:46,080 --> 01:34:49,000
Speaker 2: also been through that messy middle where when I spoke again,

2044
01:34:49,160 --> 01:34:51,800
Speaker 2: I was like a robot, and again I knew that

2045
01:34:51,840 --> 01:34:53,800
Speaker 2: people were judging me. But if I didn't have the

2046
01:34:53,840 --> 01:34:55,519
Speaker 2: courage in that moment to push through, then I would

2047
01:34:55,520 --> 01:34:57,479
Speaker 2: still be the same version of me from fifteen years ago.

2048
01:34:58,120 --> 01:35:00,160
Speaker 2: So I feel that from a communication context, when you're

2049
01:35:00,160 --> 01:35:03,240
Speaker 2: trying to improve, when people sense that in you, it's

2050
01:35:03,320 --> 01:35:06,320
Speaker 2: just you learning how to play the saxophone. Yeah, it's okay.

2051
01:35:06,360 --> 01:35:08,000
Speaker 2: So all you've got to do is this. All you're

2052
01:35:08,000 --> 01:35:10,200
Speaker 2: going to do is this before you start to play

2053
01:35:10,240 --> 01:35:12,280
Speaker 2: with your voice. And your body differently, and you start

2054
01:35:12,280 --> 01:35:15,720
Speaker 2: to improve the way you communicate prime your conversations. Say

2055
01:35:15,760 --> 01:35:17,960
Speaker 2: say to your partner, say to your neighbor. Before you

2056
01:35:18,040 --> 01:35:21,400
Speaker 2: learn the saxophone, say hey, listen, I've been inspired by

2057
01:35:21,400 --> 01:35:23,680
Speaker 2: listening to Vin and Jay on the podcast, and I

2058
01:35:23,760 --> 01:35:25,120
Speaker 2: want to I want to change the way I use

2059
01:35:25,160 --> 01:35:27,800
Speaker 2: my voice. Okay, I've been quite my entire life. I

2060
01:35:27,840 --> 01:35:30,160
Speaker 2: want to give you and the kids more energy. If

2061
01:35:30,200 --> 01:35:33,760
Speaker 2: you see me speaking with more volume, can you encourage me?

2062
01:35:34,280 --> 01:35:37,040
Speaker 2: Because I want to be more. I want to give more. Yeah.

2063
01:35:37,120 --> 01:35:38,760
Speaker 2: All of a sudden, if you give that context now

2064
01:35:38,800 --> 01:35:40,880
Speaker 2: the next time you're like, hey, honey, I'm home, and

2065
01:35:40,920 --> 01:35:42,680
Speaker 2: she was like, oh hey, it's so good to see you.

2066
01:35:42,720 --> 01:35:45,920
Speaker 2: Try now with that context, they support you. Without the context.

2067
01:35:45,960 --> 01:35:49,040
Speaker 2: If you just immediately come home, they go eh. I

2068
01:35:49,120 --> 01:35:50,400
Speaker 2: know what they'll say. They got why are you doing

2069
01:35:50,439 --> 01:35:52,160
Speaker 2: that with your voice? Why are you doing that with

2070
01:35:52,240 --> 01:35:52,880
Speaker 2: Why are you doing that?

2071
01:35:53,160 --> 01:35:53,880
Speaker 1: Yeah?

2072
01:35:54,040 --> 01:35:56,080
Speaker 2: And it's because something my vocal coat used to stay too.

2073
01:35:56,160 --> 01:35:58,800
Speaker 2: She used to say this, she goes, your voice is

2074
01:35:58,840 --> 01:36:01,720
Speaker 2: your personality. And I used to I'm like what as

2075
01:36:01,720 --> 01:36:04,120
Speaker 2: she goes, no, no, no, your voice is your personality. Then

2076
01:36:04,360 --> 01:36:07,400
Speaker 2: when people compliment you on your personality. The literal thing

2077
01:36:07,479 --> 01:36:11,080
Speaker 2: they're complimenting is how you're playing your instrument. Interesting because

2078
01:36:11,080 --> 01:36:14,720
Speaker 2: that's how we perceive personality. We perceive personality through the

2079
01:36:14,840 --> 01:36:18,280
Speaker 2: use of the instrument. Personality comes through music. That's why

2080
01:36:18,280 --> 01:36:20,920
Speaker 2: you can listen to a soundtrack. I do this experiment

2081
01:36:20,920 --> 01:36:23,120
Speaker 2: with my kids, not only my kids, but my students too.

2082
01:36:23,160 --> 01:36:25,320
Speaker 2: I love doing this experiment where I just play a

2083
01:36:25,360 --> 01:36:26,800
Speaker 2: piano track and I get them to listen to it,

2084
01:36:26,800 --> 01:36:30,240
Speaker 2: and I go, what words come to mind? And it's crazy.

2085
01:36:30,280 --> 01:36:32,360
Speaker 2: They will say things like my students will say things like,

2086
01:36:32,880 --> 01:36:37,120
Speaker 2: oh I hear complexity, I hear drama, I hear oh

2087
01:36:37,160 --> 01:36:41,240
Speaker 2: I hear pain, I hear misery, I hear nostalgia, And

2088
01:36:41,880 --> 01:36:44,160
Speaker 2: always wake them up to it and I go, do

2089
01:36:44,200 --> 01:36:47,839
Speaker 2: you know there were no words in that, none, none, whatsoever.

2090
01:36:48,320 --> 01:36:51,000
Speaker 2: Yet you've got a world of meaning from that. People

2091
01:36:51,040 --> 01:36:53,280
Speaker 2: get a world of meaning just from the sound of

2092
01:36:53,320 --> 01:36:56,160
Speaker 2: your voice and how you use your voice. So if

2093
01:36:56,160 --> 01:36:59,120
Speaker 2: you pay no attention to that, that means you're putting

2094
01:36:59,120 --> 01:37:01,639
Speaker 2: no intention into how you're coming across.

2095
01:37:01,760 --> 01:37:03,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I love that point, man, I love your

2096
01:37:03,320 --> 01:37:05,680
Speaker 1: heart for saying that too. That so much of the

2097
01:37:05,720 --> 01:37:09,040
Speaker 1: time when we think someone's inauthentic, it's really just inexperience.

2098
01:37:09,040 --> 01:37:09,960
Speaker 2: They're trying something new.

2099
01:37:10,040 --> 01:37:12,599
Speaker 1: Yeah, they're trying something new and boring, and we always

2100
01:37:12,640 --> 01:37:14,040
Speaker 1: look at it and we judge them and we think, oh,

2101
01:37:14,080 --> 01:37:16,280
Speaker 1: they're fake that, you know, and half the time it's

2102
01:37:16,280 --> 01:37:17,679
Speaker 1: just someone trying to figure something out.

2103
01:37:18,200 --> 01:37:20,320
Speaker 2: And then what we don't realize we're doing is then

2104
01:37:20,439 --> 01:37:23,400
Speaker 2: we give them negative feedback that immediately puts them into

2105
01:37:23,400 --> 01:37:25,880
Speaker 2: the same patterns of behavior that has been causing them

2106
01:37:25,920 --> 01:37:29,479
Speaker 2: pain because we're not as compassionate. We see what they do,

2107
01:37:29,960 --> 01:37:33,240
Speaker 2: we don't see why they do what they do, right,

2108
01:37:33,240 --> 01:37:34,559
Speaker 2: Whereas I think if we took a moment to get

2109
01:37:34,560 --> 01:37:36,519
Speaker 2: why would that person do that? Maybe they're exploring their

2110
01:37:36,560 --> 01:37:39,280
Speaker 2: instrument right. And I think it was Carl Jung that

2111
01:37:39,320 --> 01:37:41,720
Speaker 2: said that, again, we see what people do, we don't

2112
01:37:41,760 --> 01:37:44,639
Speaker 2: see why they do what they do.

2113
01:37:45,160 --> 01:37:47,920
Speaker 1: Then it's been such a joy talking to you man.

2114
01:37:48,000 --> 01:37:51,320
Speaker 1: You are You're brilliant. You're not just a brilliant communicator.

2115
01:37:51,320 --> 01:37:53,719
Speaker 1: You've got a great heart to and it comes across

2116
01:37:53,720 --> 01:37:55,880
Speaker 1: in the way you want to help people and see

2117
01:37:55,920 --> 01:38:00,920
Speaker 1: them grow, and the amount that you've thought through the challenges,

2118
01:38:01,080 --> 01:38:04,280
Speaker 1: the trip ups, the all the blocks that we run into. Man,

2119
01:38:04,360 --> 01:38:06,080
Speaker 1: it's it's really beautiful and I really thank you and

2120
01:38:06,080 --> 01:38:09,479
Speaker 1: commend you for your amazing work and it's it's very special.

2121
01:38:09,520 --> 01:38:12,479
Speaker 2: So thank you man, Jay, thank you for giving me

2122
01:38:12,520 --> 01:38:16,439
Speaker 2: the opportunity. I'm from Adelaide, South Australia. I never thought

2123
01:38:16,439 --> 01:38:18,240
Speaker 2: that I'd ever be able to connect with you in

2124
01:38:18,280 --> 01:38:19,439
Speaker 2: person and hang out with you. Joe.

2125
01:38:19,439 --> 01:38:22,880
Speaker 1: This is thank you. No, I'm a fan, so it's easy.

2126
01:38:23,920 --> 01:38:26,240
Speaker 1: We end every episode of On Purpose with a final five.

2127
01:38:26,600 --> 01:38:31,000
Speaker 1: These have to be answered in one word to one sentence, Maxiz, Yeah,

2128
01:38:31,040 --> 01:38:31,639
Speaker 1: so you can't.

2129
01:38:31,880 --> 01:38:32,639
Speaker 2: This is my krypton.

2130
01:38:33,960 --> 01:38:36,000
Speaker 1: You can't. Yeah, okay, I'll probably break it for you

2131
01:38:36,040 --> 01:38:38,960
Speaker 1: because you're such a good explain. I'll let you do it.

2132
01:38:39,000 --> 01:38:40,519
Speaker 2: No, no, no, no, I won't. I'm going to try to

2133
01:38:40,520 --> 01:38:42,160
Speaker 2: stick to pay rules are rules? Okay?

2134
01:38:42,240 --> 01:38:45,720
Speaker 1: All right? The first question, what's the best piece of

2135
01:38:45,760 --> 01:38:48,439
Speaker 1: communication advice you've ever heard or received?

2136
01:38:49,000 --> 01:38:52,639
Speaker 2: Your voice is an instrument. Play all of the songs

2137
01:38:53,160 --> 01:38:55,720
Speaker 2: that are trapped within. You don't die with all your

2138
01:38:55,760 --> 01:38:56,719
Speaker 2: music trapped inside.

2139
01:38:57,040 --> 01:38:57,599
Speaker 1: That was great.

2140
01:38:57,640 --> 01:38:58,880
Speaker 2: Sentences, long sentence.

2141
01:38:58,640 --> 01:39:02,000
Speaker 1: It's a great. Long sentences are fine. Second question, what's

2142
01:39:02,040 --> 01:39:05,920
Speaker 1: the worst communication advice? You've ever had received or given.

2143
01:39:06,320 --> 01:39:10,280
Speaker 2: If you're nervous, just look over their heads. I was

2144
01:39:10,320 --> 01:39:11,679
Speaker 2: literally given that advice.

2145
01:39:12,160 --> 01:39:14,040
Speaker 1: What are you meant you can expland what are you

2146
01:39:14,120 --> 01:39:14,519
Speaker 1: meant to do?

2147
01:39:14,880 --> 01:39:17,000
Speaker 2: Well? Well, again, you want to look at people, look

2148
01:39:17,000 --> 01:39:19,080
Speaker 2: at them in the eyes, because the advice was look

2149
01:39:19,080 --> 01:39:20,880
Speaker 2: over their heads. They won't be able to tell. And

2150
01:39:20,920 --> 01:39:22,559
Speaker 2: this was my first piece of advice I was given

2151
01:39:22,560 --> 01:39:24,559
Speaker 2: when I was going on stage and I started looking

2152
01:39:24,600 --> 01:39:26,639
Speaker 2: over people's heads and it just looked like I was arrogant,

2153
01:39:26,760 --> 01:39:28,040
Speaker 2: right because I was like, oh hey, ye, good to

2154
01:39:28,040 --> 01:39:30,200
Speaker 2: see yo, and I wasn't looking them in the eyes.

2155
01:39:30,560 --> 01:39:33,759
Speaker 1: And also, you get no feedback, you have no energetic exchange.

2156
01:39:33,880 --> 01:39:37,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, the worst thing is it's that and then

2157
01:39:37,200 --> 01:39:38,719
Speaker 2: you look like an arrogant argain.

2158
01:39:38,880 --> 01:39:41,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's interesting. I never thought about that, all right.

2159
01:39:42,040 --> 01:39:45,320
Speaker 1: Question number three on that point, why does our body

2160
01:39:45,360 --> 01:39:47,280
Speaker 1: and our handshake when we're nervous.

2161
01:39:47,640 --> 01:39:50,080
Speaker 2: It's the excess adrenaline and you have the remedy to

2162
01:39:50,120 --> 01:39:52,719
Speaker 2: that in this episode already star jobs.

2163
01:39:54,160 --> 01:39:59,840
Speaker 1: I love it. Question number four, what's something that you

2164
01:39:59,840 --> 01:40:03,000
Speaker 1: you I used to believe was true about communication, but

2165
01:40:03,040 --> 01:40:04,000
Speaker 1: not anymore.

2166
01:40:04,040 --> 01:40:07,120
Speaker 2: That I was stuck with the sound of my voice.

2167
01:40:07,640 --> 01:40:11,560
Speaker 2: It's just a series of behaviors. If you change the behaviors,

2168
01:40:11,640 --> 01:40:15,240
Speaker 2: you change the sound. Example, when I told my dad

2169
01:40:15,280 --> 01:40:18,840
Speaker 2: I wanted to leave accounting to become a magician, I

2170
01:40:18,840 --> 01:40:20,920
Speaker 2: remember what he said. He said, what the hell you

2171
01:40:20,960 --> 01:40:23,439
Speaker 2: want to be? To Harry Potter, literally what he said

2172
01:40:23,439 --> 01:40:26,000
Speaker 2: to me. I just changed the way I moved my mouth.

2173
01:40:26,120 --> 01:40:28,000
Speaker 2: I just changed the serious of behaviors. I changed the

2174
01:40:28,040 --> 01:40:30,520
Speaker 2: sound I was able to create. It's just behaviors.

2175
01:40:30,920 --> 01:40:32,560
Speaker 1: Walk me through that conversation.

2176
01:40:35,760 --> 01:40:38,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, So my mum and dad are refugees on Vietnam

2177
01:40:38,439 --> 01:40:42,920
Speaker 2: and they cling to safety insecurity because of fear. And

2178
01:40:42,920 --> 01:40:45,120
Speaker 2: they've known fear all of their lives. So I remember

2179
01:40:45,160 --> 01:40:47,000
Speaker 2: coming home saying a woman and dad, I said, Mom, dad,

2180
01:40:47,000 --> 01:40:51,320
Speaker 2: I really want to quit university. And obviously they wanted

2181
01:40:51,360 --> 01:40:54,479
Speaker 2: me to fulfill the Asian prophecy. Obviously same with your parents. Yes,

2182
01:40:54,560 --> 01:40:57,160
Speaker 2: I'm sure I had this really heart to heart conversation

2183
01:40:57,200 --> 01:41:00,360
Speaker 2: with him where I said, Mom, Dad, why did you

2184
01:41:00,439 --> 01:41:01,000
Speaker 2: escape the wall?

2185
01:41:01,200 --> 01:41:01,479
Speaker 1: Why?

2186
01:41:01,880 --> 01:41:04,840
Speaker 2: And they said, we escaped because we want to find

2187
01:41:04,840 --> 01:41:06,120
Speaker 2: a better home for you. But I'm like, yeah, but

2188
01:41:06,120 --> 01:41:08,120
Speaker 2: why why was Vietnam at the time not a good home?

2189
01:41:08,120 --> 01:41:10,799
Speaker 2: Why is Australia about a home and they said freedom

2190
01:41:11,800 --> 01:41:14,920
Speaker 2: And I said, oh great, so you you made the

2191
01:41:14,920 --> 01:41:18,599
Speaker 2: decision to flee to Australia for freedom, then do you

2192
01:41:18,680 --> 01:41:20,680
Speaker 2: want to force me into a career that's going to

2193
01:41:20,720 --> 01:41:24,640
Speaker 2: create misery for me? Is that what you want? And

2194
01:41:24,680 --> 01:41:26,920
Speaker 2: I know why you're doing this because of love, Mum

2195
01:41:27,040 --> 01:41:30,840
Speaker 2: and dad, because you're you're so afraid. But we're not

2196
01:41:30,880 --> 01:41:34,600
Speaker 2: in Vietnam anymore. We're in Australia. We're free. And I

2197
01:41:34,640 --> 01:41:36,280
Speaker 2: know that the reason you came here is to give

2198
01:41:36,280 --> 01:41:38,800
Speaker 2: me the freedom to do what I love. And I

2199
01:41:38,840 --> 01:41:43,519
Speaker 2: was able to wake them up from fear and remember

2200
01:41:43,520 --> 01:41:45,479
Speaker 2: the main reason why they came here in the first place,

2201
01:41:45,760 --> 01:41:48,439
Speaker 2: because their lives were driven by fear of not enough

2202
01:41:48,560 --> 01:41:50,760
Speaker 2: of we're in danger, and they still carried all of

2203
01:41:50,760 --> 01:41:53,960
Speaker 2: that fear. They didn't realize it. And when I woke

2204
01:41:53,960 --> 01:41:55,919
Speaker 2: them up to that, it was such a beautiful conversation

2205
01:41:56,040 --> 01:41:58,519
Speaker 2: because it was always like, my parents will reminded, no, no,

2206
01:41:59,080 --> 01:42:01,760
Speaker 2: thank you for reminding us. We've been so driven by

2207
01:42:01,800 --> 01:42:03,800
Speaker 2: fear our entire lives. Because I said to them, I

2208
01:42:03,800 --> 01:42:06,760
Speaker 2: did work experience at an accounting firm, and Dad, do

2209
01:42:06,800 --> 01:42:08,439
Speaker 2: you know what they all do on a Friday night,

2210
01:42:08,920 --> 01:42:13,559
Speaker 2: they go drinking because they're drowning their sorrows in something

2211
01:42:13,560 --> 01:42:15,960
Speaker 2: they don't like. And I'm sure people love accounting, it's

2212
01:42:16,040 --> 01:42:18,479
Speaker 2: just where I did work experience, they didn't love it.

2213
01:42:19,040 --> 01:42:23,240
Speaker 2: They dreaded every day, right, And I said, that's me.

2214
01:42:24,160 --> 01:42:26,040
Speaker 2: That's going to be me. That that's the path I'm walking.

2215
01:42:26,040 --> 01:42:28,000
Speaker 2: So I already know that's not the path, you know.

2216
01:42:28,040 --> 01:42:30,120
Speaker 2: And then the most beautiful thing my dad said to me,

2217
01:42:30,400 --> 01:42:33,360
Speaker 2: after realizing all of this is he goes, you still

2218
01:42:33,360 --> 01:42:36,439
Speaker 2: owe me one thing, though, Boy, in this life, you

2219
01:42:36,479 --> 01:42:38,559
Speaker 2: have to jump as high as you can. And as

2220
01:42:38,600 --> 01:42:42,360
Speaker 2: long as I'm alive, I'll forever be your net. And

2221
01:42:42,439 --> 01:42:44,479
Speaker 2: I needed that net a lot of times. Oh yeah,

2222
01:42:44,520 --> 01:42:47,400
Speaker 2: I tested that net many times. And I share this

2223
01:42:47,439 --> 01:42:51,120
Speaker 2: now in a long answer because Jay, I'm sitting here

2224
01:42:51,560 --> 01:42:53,720
Speaker 2: having achieved things I've achieved because of my mom and

2225
01:42:53,720 --> 01:42:56,639
Speaker 2: my dad. Without that net, without their support, without their love,

2226
01:42:56,680 --> 01:43:00,400
Speaker 2: without their guidance, I wouldn't be here, been able to

2227
01:43:00,400 --> 01:43:01,720
Speaker 2: do this. And I think this is true for those

2228
01:43:01,760 --> 01:43:03,519
Speaker 2: listening to you. Would not be where you are if

2229
01:43:03,520 --> 01:43:06,160
Speaker 2: it wasn't for whether it's the families we choose or

2230
01:43:06,160 --> 01:43:09,080
Speaker 2: the family who were born into. If it wasn't for them,

2231
01:43:09,120 --> 01:43:10,720
Speaker 2: we would not be who we are, we would not

2232
01:43:10,760 --> 01:43:13,920
Speaker 2: be where we are. They must be really proud now, yeah,

2233
01:43:13,920 --> 01:43:17,559
Speaker 2: they still and then you quit magic. The first time

2234
01:43:17,600 --> 01:43:20,080
Speaker 2: my dad came and saw me speak at the end

2235
01:43:20,160 --> 01:43:21,880
Speaker 2: of it, the funniest thing. He comes up to me

2236
01:43:21,880 --> 01:43:28,120
Speaker 2: and he goes, they pay you for this. He was

2237
01:43:28,200 --> 01:43:31,559
Speaker 2: so mind blowing because he goes, because I wouldn't. He

2238
01:43:31,600 --> 01:43:33,320
Speaker 2: was just he was so shocked. He couldn't believe that,

2239
01:43:33,520 --> 01:43:35,160
Speaker 2: he couldn't believe it was a thing. He couldn't believe

2240
01:43:35,160 --> 01:43:36,400
Speaker 2: that professional speaking was a career.

2241
01:43:36,400 --> 01:43:36,599
Speaker 4: Part.

2242
01:43:36,720 --> 01:43:39,040
Speaker 1: Yes, but it's so beautiful to see their mind open up.

2243
01:43:39,080 --> 01:43:40,800
Speaker 2: And then the most beautiful thing my dad said to

2244
01:43:40,840 --> 01:43:43,559
Speaker 2: me recently, this was maybe in the last five years,

2245
01:43:43,600 --> 01:43:45,439
Speaker 2: where he came up to me and he said, thanks

2246
01:43:45,439 --> 01:43:49,200
Speaker 2: for not giving up on me. Because there was a

2247
01:43:49,240 --> 01:43:51,400
Speaker 2: lot of conversations at the time in many different Vietnamese

2248
01:43:51,400 --> 01:43:53,080
Speaker 2: famili where the kids would give up on their parents,

2249
01:43:53,400 --> 01:43:54,960
Speaker 2: where it'd be like, you know, if you're not supporting

2250
01:43:54,960 --> 01:43:58,559
Speaker 2: me stuff you yeah, now, whereas I really didn't give

2251
01:43:58,640 --> 01:44:01,280
Speaker 2: up on my parents. I remember my first magic kig

2252
01:44:01,280 --> 01:44:03,400
Speaker 2: I did and I made like fifteen hundred bucks for

2253
01:44:03,439 --> 01:44:05,600
Speaker 2: performing for an hour. This was like outrageous, this is

2254
01:44:05,600 --> 01:44:07,720
Speaker 2: a week's worth of work, right, And I bought home

2255
01:44:07,760 --> 01:44:10,439
Speaker 2: the cash and I was like, Dad, look I got

2256
01:44:10,439 --> 01:44:13,040
Speaker 2: this in an hour. And I celebrated that moment with him.

2257
01:44:13,200 --> 01:44:14,840
Speaker 2: I made him a part of that because I knew

2258
01:44:14,840 --> 01:44:18,280
Speaker 2: that I had to slowly show him what's possible. I

2259
01:44:18,320 --> 01:44:20,920
Speaker 2: couldn't all of a sudden go dad, refugee in through

2260
01:44:20,920 --> 01:44:23,519
Speaker 2: the war, and it immediately said magician to him. It's like,

2261
01:44:23,560 --> 01:44:25,840
Speaker 2: what the frick is that? That doesn't make sense. But as

2262
01:44:25,880 --> 01:44:28,120
Speaker 2: I slowly shared my wins with him on my journey,

2263
01:44:28,240 --> 01:44:29,840
Speaker 2: I was able to open my dad's mind. So my

2264
01:44:29,920 --> 01:44:31,439
Speaker 2: dad got to be a part of the journey with

2265
01:44:31,479 --> 01:44:33,800
Speaker 2: me and my mum. And when he thanked me for that,

2266
01:44:33,840 --> 01:44:36,639
Speaker 2: it was one of the sweetest moments because you could

2267
01:44:36,640 --> 01:44:38,880
Speaker 2: have very easily gave up on me, and now we

2268
01:44:38,920 --> 01:44:41,120
Speaker 2: have this beautiful relationship and it's one of my most

2269
01:44:41,120 --> 01:44:42,080
Speaker 2: important relationships.

2270
01:44:42,160 --> 01:44:44,479
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's beautiful, man, Thank you for sharing that.

2271
01:44:44,479 --> 01:44:45,360
Speaker 2: That counts as one word.

2272
01:44:45,400 --> 01:44:49,680
Speaker 1: No, no, no, I wanted to hear it. Fifth and

2273
01:44:49,760 --> 01:44:51,960
Speaker 1: final question We asked this every guest who's ever been

2274
01:44:51,960 --> 01:44:54,720
Speaker 1: on the show, if you could create one law that

2275
01:44:54,800 --> 01:44:56,960
Speaker 1: everyone in the world had to follow. What would it be?

2276
01:44:57,880 --> 01:45:01,680
Speaker 2: Use your instrument to spread more love, kindness and compassion.

2277
01:45:02,439 --> 01:45:05,960
Speaker 1: Vinjiang, thank you so much, such an honor having you here.

2278
01:45:06,040 --> 01:45:08,000
Speaker 1: I hope I get to do this many many more

2279
01:45:08,000 --> 01:45:08,599
Speaker 1: times together.

2280
01:45:08,800 --> 01:45:09,320
Speaker 2: Thank you Jack.

2281
01:45:09,600 --> 01:45:11,120
Speaker 1: If all of you are listening and watching, if you

2282
01:45:11,120 --> 01:45:14,040
Speaker 1: don't already follow Vin on social media, we will put

2283
01:45:14,080 --> 01:45:15,840
Speaker 1: all the links in the comments, go and follow him

2284
01:45:15,840 --> 01:45:20,720
Speaker 1: across TikTok, Instagram, all platforms. I really hope that this

2285
01:45:20,800 --> 01:45:24,959
Speaker 1: episode makes you a better communicator to your partner, your parents,

2286
01:45:25,560 --> 01:45:28,040
Speaker 1: in your profession, in all areas of your life. It's

2287
01:45:28,040 --> 01:45:30,559
Speaker 1: such a key skill that's needed. And I would love

2288
01:45:30,560 --> 01:45:33,000
Speaker 1: to see on Instagram and TikTok the clips, the moments,

2289
01:45:33,040 --> 01:45:36,160
Speaker 1: the parts that really stood out to you, tag us

2290
01:45:36,160 --> 01:45:38,400
Speaker 1: both so week and see what you're practicing. If you

2291
01:45:38,439 --> 01:45:41,360
Speaker 1: do a video of yourself every day and start posting

2292
01:45:41,400 --> 01:45:43,280
Speaker 1: our practicing tag us in it, I want to see it.

2293
01:45:43,400 --> 01:45:45,400
Speaker 1: I really really want to see it. I really really

2294
01:45:45,439 --> 01:45:47,120
Speaker 1: want to see it would be so awesome. I'd love

2295
01:45:47,120 --> 01:45:49,080
Speaker 1: to be able to interact with you all and see

2296
01:45:49,080 --> 01:45:51,439
Speaker 1: how much you've grown from it. And again, Vin, you'll

2297
01:45:51,479 --> 01:45:53,240
Speaker 1: welcome back to on purpose anytime you want.

2298
01:45:53,280 --> 01:45:53,920
Speaker 2: So thank you.

2299
01:45:53,920 --> 01:45:56,040
Speaker 1: I hope you'll come back and we'll see you again.

2300
01:45:56,880 --> 01:46:00,680
Speaker 1: Thank you. If you love this episode, you'll love my

2301
01:46:00,840 --> 01:46:05,559
Speaker 1: interview with doctor Gabo Matte on understanding your trauma and

2302
01:46:05,640 --> 01:46:09,120
Speaker 1: how to heal emotional wounds to start moving on from

2303
01:46:09,160 --> 01:46:12,040
Speaker 1: the past. Everything in nature grows only where it's vulnerable.

2304
01:46:12,120 --> 01:46:14,719
Speaker 1: So a tree doesn't grow where it's hard and thick,

2305
01:46:14,800 --> 01:46:17,480
Speaker 1: does it. It goes where it's soft and green and vulnerable.