Speaker 1: My colleagues. We'll stop commenting on everything I get at
Speaker 1: people and meeting. Why does my coworker keep taking credit
Speaker 1: for all my ideas? Have any wisdom for me? Hi?
Speaker 1: I'm Alison Green. Welcome to the Asking Manager podcast. Right
Speaker 1: answer questions from listeners about life at work. Everything from
Speaker 1: what to say if you're allergic to your coworkers perfume
Speaker 1: to what to do if you drink too much at
Speaker 1: the company party. Let's get started. Welcome to the show.
Speaker 1: Today's episode is all about holidays at work. We've got
Speaker 1: questions from people about office parties and gift giving, and
Speaker 1: we've got some funny stories from people about ways that
Speaker 1: their office holiday celebrations went terribly wrong. Let's start with
Speaker 1: one of the questions that I get asked the most
Speaker 1: at this time of year, about getting a gift for
Speaker 1: your boss. Hi, Allison, I started a new job a
Speaker 1: few months ago and I reported to my manager, but
Speaker 1: I also work a lot with his manager. I want
Speaker 1: to get them both small holiday gifts, but I don't
Speaker 1: know either of them super well yet, so I'm not
Speaker 1: sure what to get them. Is it too impersonal to
Speaker 1: get them boxes of Goodiva chocolates? Also, I tried to
Speaker 1: answer this question myself by looking at articles online, and
Speaker 1: I found some that set is actually inappropriate to gift
Speaker 1: up so I was wondering if I should even be
Speaker 1: getting them holiday gifts at all. Thank you. So, in general,
Speaker 1: the etiquette rule about giving gifts at work is that
Speaker 1: gifts can flow downward, not upward, meaning that your boss
Speaker 1: can give you a gift, but you and your co
Speaker 1: workers shouldn't give presents to your boss, and that is
Speaker 1: because of the power dynamics and the paid discrepancies that
Speaker 1: are inherent in that boss employee relationship. The idea is
Speaker 1: that otherwise an employee might feel pressured to purchase gifts
Speaker 1: for a manager, and it's pretty unseemly for managers to
Speaker 1: benefit from power dynamics that way. Now that said, there
Speaker 1: are definitely offices that ignore that rule and where gifts
Speaker 1: to the boss are pretty common, but you'd want to
Speaker 1: find out what the culture is in your office. You
Speaker 1: definitely don't want to be the person who starts giving
Speaker 1: gifts to your manager if that's not a thing that's
Speaker 1: done there, because it's going to put pressure on other
Speaker 1: people to do it too, and once you start, it
Speaker 1: can feel awkward. Stopping in later years. But really, in
Speaker 1: most offices, there's zero obligation to give a gift to
Speaker 1: your boss. If you want to bring in baked goods
Speaker 1: for everyone to share, that's totally fine. If you want
Speaker 1: to do cards, that's fine. But if you can stay
Speaker 1: away from doing an individual gift to your manager, because
Speaker 1: even if you are totally fine with it, it's bad
Speaker 1: for your coworkers, and it's bad for your boss too,
Speaker 1: because it can put them in an awkward position. Your
Speaker 1: gift to your boss can just be doing a great
Speaker 1: job throughout the year and being easy to manage, and
Speaker 1: that really is enough. But okay, that's where your boss
Speaker 1: is concerned. What about gifts for coworkers who are not
Speaker 1: your boss? Hi, Alison, I worked in an officer about
Speaker 1: thirty people. I would say that I'm of various levels
Speaker 1: ofspense with different people, and with the holidays coming up,
Speaker 1: I would like to get my friends gifts. UM. Now,
Speaker 1: I know that obviously it's not a good idea to
Speaker 1: do public gift gifting if you don't have something to
Speaker 1: give everybody, um. But my greater concern is said of
Speaker 1: the people and friends, with some of them I can
Speaker 1: afford to get gifts who are closer to me and
Speaker 1: others who I would doesn't sider my friends myself friends
Speaker 1: with I can't. Um No, I'm happy to see my
Speaker 1: friends gifts on private time. However, I still feel that
Speaker 1: there might be some residual awkwardness by them saying, oh,
Speaker 1: Stacy got me this gift to somebody else who also
Speaker 1: thinks they have friends with me, and then thinking why
Speaker 1: didn't Stacy get me a gift? Did I just lay
Speaker 1: off the gift giving altogether? Yeah. In general, if you
Speaker 1: are going to give gifts to coworkers, you should either
Speaker 1: do it for everyone who's in a similar circle, meaning
Speaker 1: everyone on your team or everyone you work closely with,
Speaker 1: or all the assistants. It's the same advice that you
Speaker 1: often hear about who to invite to your wedding, that
Speaker 1: people will say treat people who are in the same
Speaker 1: circle the same meaning with your wedding. If you're inviting
Speaker 1: a couple of cousins, you should invite all the cousins
Speaker 1: so that people aren't offended or hurt. It's the same
Speaker 1: thing here. Don't pick and choose among people who are
Speaker 1: sort of similarly situated to you. That said, if you're
Speaker 1: just going to give one or two or maybe three
Speaker 1: gifts to people who you're especially close with. That's fine
Speaker 1: as long as it's not like three people in a
Speaker 1: four person department, so you're leaving one person out. In
Speaker 1: other words, just think about how it's likely to land
Speaker 1: with the people who are not getting gifts, and don't
Speaker 1: leave out just a couple of people. And if that
Speaker 1: is all feeling just too complicated, then I think that
Speaker 1: is a sign to skip the gifts, stick with cards,
Speaker 1: stick with baked goods for everyone, or something like that. Ultimately, though,
Speaker 1: these are work relationships rather than social relationships, and so
Speaker 1: you've got to consider the way it could impact other
Speaker 1: work relationships too. So even if you might like to
Speaker 1: give a gift to your coworker who you're pretty good
Speaker 1: friends with, that potentially could be trumped by the weirdness
Speaker 1: or the awkwardness or her feelings that it could create
Speaker 1: with other people. So just look at the whole landscape.
Speaker 1: Make sure you're not creating a situation where people are
Speaker 1: going to feel left out if you think they might
Speaker 1: alter your plans. Okay. In addition to holiday gift giving
Speaker 1: at work, there are a lot of office parties at
Speaker 1: this time of year, and they can be full of weirdness.
Speaker 1: Here is one color story about her office Christmas party. Hi, Allison,
Speaker 1: I wanted to share a funny and awkward company Christmas
Speaker 1: party story with you. My organization hosts an annual Christmas party. Work, staff, spouses, volunteers,
Speaker 1: and board members are all invited. We get an email
Speaker 1: sent out with tickets are available so that we know
Speaker 1: when to go ahead and get them. A few years ago,
Speaker 1: one of the board members accidentally hit reply all to
Speaker 1: the ticket announced an email and asked the organizer to
Speaker 1: ensure that he wasn't suated with our volunteer firefighters since
Speaker 1: he was stuck at their table the year before and
Speaker 1: none of them wanted to talk to him. Within a minute,
Speaker 1: someone else had hit reply all again, saying that you
Speaker 1: would be honored to be seated with those firefighters, as
Speaker 1: they're willing to restore their lives to keep our community safe.
Speaker 1: A few other emails went flying back and forth, congratulating
Speaker 1: the firefighters for their hard work, and the board members
Speaker 1: soon set out an apology email. To make things even
Speaker 1: more awkward, one of the people making a speech at
Speaker 1: the company Christmas party did take a few minutes to
Speaker 1: commend or volunteer firefighters. I'm sure the board member couldn't
Speaker 1: have looked any more comfortable as the rest of the
Speaker 1: room posted them. I'm looking forward to seeing what our
Speaker 1: party has is were for us this year, and thank
Speaker 1: you so much for compiling news. There's going to be
Speaker 1: fun to read anything and here thank you bye. Oh
Speaker 1: my goodness. Accidental use of reply all has caused so
Speaker 1: many problems, and yet I would never want to get
Speaker 1: rid of it because I cherish these stories. Well. Companies
Speaker 1: do a lot of weird things with their holiday parties,
Speaker 1: and one of those weird things is making employees pay
Speaker 1: to attend. Now. To be fair, there are some employers
Speaker 1: that have no choice in that regard. If you work
Speaker 1: for the government, you're generally not allowed to pay for
Speaker 1: parties with taxpayers money, for example, But private employers who
Speaker 1: don't have those same restrictions sometimes do it to you,
Speaker 1: and that is this color situation. I'm a care worker
Speaker 1: for adults learning disabilities from the UK. It is approaching
Speaker 1: Christmas and my manager has organized a Christmas meal at
Speaker 1: a restaurant which will be for both staff and the adults.
Speaker 1: We support. All of the people we support will be attending,
Speaker 1: along with their support workers who are on shift that day.
Speaker 1: There is also the expectation that those who are not
Speaker 1: on shift will be attending as well. This is not
Speaker 1: a well paying job, and our management team will not
Speaker 1: be subsidizing this meal. Those on shift who attend are
Speaker 1: expected to eat the restaurant with the people we support,
Speaker 1: to be social, and we'll pay it their own expense.
Speaker 1: Practically speaking, all those attending, whether on the clock or not,
Speaker 1: will unavoidably end up taking care of the people we support,
Speaker 1: so all the stuff will effectively be doing work, only
Speaker 1: some won't be getting paid for their time. I don't
Speaker 1: have a huge income and normally meals out and not
Speaker 1: within my budget. Am I right in thinking that this
Speaker 1: is an unfair expectation. Yeah, it's one thing to say, hey,
Speaker 1: our Christmas party is really more for our clients than
Speaker 1: it is for staff. That's totally fine. But in that case,
Speaker 1: it's a work expense and the company should be covering it.
Speaker 1: Asking people to pay for their meal when they're expected
Speaker 1: to do work that is contributing to the company's mission
Speaker 1: really isn't okay. The company should be covering those costs.
Speaker 1: Let's go to a break and then we'll come back
Speaker 1: with some office holiday party stories. All right, My hubbins
Speaker 1: is as a medium un people send people remote um
Speaker 1: size tech company and they are having a Thanksgiving pot luck.
Speaker 1: I volunteered to help out. And on the sign up sheets,
Speaker 1: you know, many people had sign up for stuffing potatoes,
Speaker 1: cranberry sauce, et cetera, and the three spots for a
Speaker 1: whole cooked turkey or blank. I love cooking turkey, so
Speaker 1: I signed up immediately. But personally, I think asking the
Speaker 1: employees to bring in whole cooked turkeys is a bit much.
Speaker 1: Should I point out to him that whole cook turkeys
Speaker 1: are a thing that it is possible for the company
Speaker 1: to purchase from a restaurant or whatever, and that the
Speaker 1: company should just provide these while employees provide the other items. Uh,
Speaker 1: he got a decent amount of sway in the company,
Speaker 1: so he would be an appropriate person to raise this issue.
Speaker 1: Or should I just say, okay, well, this is possibly
Speaker 1: an employee planting employees suggested they bring their own turkeys.
Speaker 1: This is fine. I don't know what should I do.
Speaker 1: Who should provide the whole cook turkeys for the company potluck?
Speaker 1: Is the question. Yeah, it's one thing to ask people
Speaker 1: to contribute to a potluck with the usual kind of
Speaker 1: thing that you mentioned, cranberry, sauce, soda, napkins, etcetera. But
Speaker 1: asking employees to cook an entire turkey is a pretty
Speaker 1: big deal. And ideally, if there is a particularly expensive
Speaker 1: component of the meal like that, the company would provide it.
Speaker 1: That said, because it's your husband's company and not yours,
Speaker 1: I mean you might point out to him this is
Speaker 1: kind of weird. It's it's surprising that your employer isn't
Speaker 1: providing this, but I don't think you really need to
Speaker 1: push it. It's kind of his thing to handle. I
Speaker 1: actually got an update from this collar the next day,
Speaker 1: and here is how her situation turned out. I have
Speaker 1: got an update for the should co workers bring turkey
Speaker 1: to a potluck question? The next day after I asked
Speaker 1: the question, hr stime an email saying they would be
Speaker 1: providing they Um, the company did provide a bunch of
Speaker 1: food for the potluck. It was an only potluck, which
Speaker 1: is great because it's a big company and I am
Speaker 1: an example of you shouldn't have employees bring turkeys because
Speaker 1: I was funny. I'm still making one bread in the oven.
Speaker 1: I was planning these ended up not working. I de
Speaker 1: saw the wrong turkey, so it was too big and
Speaker 1: didn't defall in time. And yeah, Thanksgiving potluck could have
Speaker 1: been ruined if co workers were in charge of all
Speaker 1: this and the company wasn't just providing things. So my
Speaker 1: vote is the company should have the turkey as they did,
Speaker 1: and it worked out and it was delicious. Speaking of
Speaker 1: enormous meat dishes at the company party, Here is a
Speaker 1: color who has a thing or two to say about that. Hi, Alison,
Speaker 1: So I worked for a small company that prided itself
Speaker 1: on their holiday parties. I mean these things were big
Speaker 1: for an under company renting out an entire high end
Speaker 1: restaurant in d C and open bar and limited food
Speaker 1: nearly black tie. Honestly, the company was very concerned with
Speaker 1: this imagery and wanted to present a super slick, downtown
Speaker 1: savvy sort of vibe. This was evident in everything that
Speaker 1: they did. After I'd been there for a little while,
Speaker 1: the owners decided to sell it to a new company
Speaker 1: that was more laid back in casual, less concerned with
Speaker 1: the image, and hadn't really done the whole holiday party
Speaker 1: thing before, especially because the acquiring company was spread out
Speaker 1: in different offices around the country. Anyway, I corresponded with
Speaker 1: the social to confirm that they would have food for vegetarians.
Speaker 1: It had never been a problem before. They always had
Speaker 1: one or two items, and the restaurants were always willing. Actually,
Speaker 1: at one party, a restaurant custom made me something to
Speaker 1: eat because I was the only vegetarian at the time.
Speaker 1: So the new company through their holiday party. There's you
Speaker 1: had to rs up to come and uh there were
Speaker 1: drink tickets that you had to pick up. You got
Speaker 1: two free drinks, and then everything else you had to
Speaker 1: paper out of bucket. And there was food. They did
Speaker 1: run out a bar. It was a very very small bar.
Speaker 1: It had two floors and a capacity of probably I
Speaker 1: would say maybe come to believe fifty people. Over a
Speaker 1: hundred and twenty people were crammed into this place. And
Speaker 1: not only that, but there was all meat. Everything that
Speaker 1: they had to eat was meat. And when you walked
Speaker 1: up the stairs to get to where the meat was,
Speaker 1: there was just a whole pig sitting on a table
Speaker 1: and a cooked pig. But it was a little nauseating.
Speaker 1: I'm sure that you know some people are really into that,
Speaker 1: but um, if you're not expecting it, it's really off footing.
Speaker 1: But there was literally nothing for vegetarians to eat, or
Speaker 1: anyone you know who might be hallal or kosher, or
Speaker 1: you know, had any sort of dietary restrictions. My partner
Speaker 1: and I went and we had a horrible time. We
Speaker 1: could not move around, we could not have anything to eat,
Speaker 1: and we ended up leaving after about twenty minutes or so.
Speaker 1: It was probably the worst and most isolating then I'd
Speaker 1: ever been to. Companies really have to think about this.
Speaker 1: You know, you probably have vegetarians on your staff, you
Speaker 1: might have people who aren't eating meat for religious or
Speaker 1: ethical or dietary reasons, and you've got to provide a
Speaker 1: range of options. A meat only meal is not cool,
Speaker 1: and in this day and age, it's just silly. Had
Speaker 1: to take that into account. The same thing goes actually
Speaker 1: for companies that still do that traditional thing. If giving
Speaker 1: employees a turkey or a ham for a Christmas gift,
Speaker 1: that is not going to be an inclusive gift for
Speaker 1: a lot of your employees and really give people what
Speaker 1: they want, which is money or more time off. Here's
Speaker 1: another color with another question about a company holiday party. Hi, Alison, um,
Speaker 1: So my question is this. For several decades, my employer
Speaker 1: held a holiday party in the office on the December
Speaker 1: Friday evening and employees were allowed to bring anyone they liked, friends, families,
Speaker 1: smitticant others. It was sort of a casual, open house
Speaker 1: type of event for all ages. They were drinks, lots
Speaker 1: of food, caroling, some holiday themed activities with the kids.
Speaker 1: We have a warm and collegial company culture, so former
Speaker 1: employees often returned for the party as well. It was
Speaker 1: a nice time for everyone to catch up with each other.
Speaker 1: As a childless and usually single person, I would often
Speaker 1: invite my my sister or a friend to join me,
Speaker 1: so I was an alone at the party. Two years ago,
Speaker 1: some minor property damage occurred in the waning hours of
Speaker 1: the party. One of the glass doors in the office
Speaker 1: was cracked and had to be replaced. I don't know
Speaker 1: the exact details of what went down, but the damage
Speaker 1: was done by a former employee. He had returned to
Speaker 1: the party after we'd gotten to an argument with someone.
Speaker 1: In response to this, the party was moved off site
Speaker 1: the following year and employees were restricted to only bringing
Speaker 1: significant others and children. I understand that they want to
Speaker 1: maintain more control over the guest list in light of
Speaker 1: what happened, but as a single person, I feel that
Speaker 1: this is not an inclusive policy. I'd like the opportunity
Speaker 1: to bring a guest and not have it assumed that
Speaker 1: that guest is my romantic partner. Do I have a
Speaker 1: leg to stand on here? And if so, how do
Speaker 1: I address this with my employer? Well, I it's definitely
Speaker 1: not unusual for companies to restrict plus ones to significant
Speaker 1: others and sometimes to kids. The idea behind it is
Speaker 1: that etiquette has long treated married couples and and now
Speaker 1: other significant others as well as a social unit. So
Speaker 1: they're invited to social events as a unit. The idea
Speaker 1: isn't bring any plus one you want. The idea is
Speaker 1: supposed to be, we're not going to ask you to
Speaker 1: leave out a spouse or a spouse equivalent during this
Speaker 1: non work hours social event, and in your company's case,
Speaker 1: they're expanding that to include kids as well. So I
Speaker 1: don't think it's terribly offensive. There's a logic to what
Speaker 1: they're doing, and it is grounded in traditional etiquette, but
Speaker 1: that doesn't mean that you can't suggest that they rethink it.
Speaker 1: You could point out that it would be nice for
Speaker 1: people without partners and kids to be able to bring
Speaker 1: a guest as well and ask if they would be
Speaker 1: open to reconsidering. They might budge, they might not, but
Speaker 1: it's a reasonable thing to ask about, and if you
Speaker 1: get some of your co workers to make the request
Speaker 1: along with you, that might put a little more pressure
Speaker 1: on them to say yes. I will say though, that
Speaker 1: company parties are generally not a ton of fun for
Speaker 1: the plus ones who don't work there, and ultimately they
Speaker 1: are intended to be events that build your social bonds
Speaker 1: with your coworkers. So if your company doesn't budge, I
Speaker 1: don't think they're being monsters, but I do think it's
Speaker 1: definitely a reasonable thing that you could ask about. Here
Speaker 1: is a color with a story about some memorable bad
Speaker 1: behavior at a company holiday party. I was my excess
Speaker 1: date SS Christmas party a lifetime ago. One of the
Speaker 1: middle aged talk shot sales team members showed up at
Speaker 1: the party with a scantily clad young woman who was
Speaker 1: obviously not his wife, and this couple made a spectacle
Speaker 1: of themselves by drinking to excess, being obnoxiously loud, and
Speaker 1: displaying horrifying graphic levels of p d A. Someone did
Speaker 1: say something to the sales guy and he managed to
Speaker 1: bring things down a few notches and we moved on
Speaker 1: with our evening. Sales guy in his day were obviously
Speaker 1: pouting after being told off, and they eventually brought their
Speaker 1: any two levels back up as the night went on.
Speaker 1: The lights turned on as the night was winding down,
Speaker 1: and people were milling about waiting for their various methods
Speaker 1: of transportation, and sales guy said something to his date
Speaker 1: that upset her greatly. She then cornered the sales guy
Speaker 1: and loudly began issuing threats and almost ending each statement
Speaker 1: with gems like I think your boss would like to
Speaker 1: know this, wouldn't he? Mr? Nose Candy? And they sure
Speaker 1: would like to find out how you got dirty knees
Speaker 1: and a dusty lit, wouldn't they Mr? And insert homosexual
Speaker 1: slur here. There wasn't a single head that wasn't turned
Speaker 1: in their direction, and almost everybody was standing there an
Speaker 1: open math stiff belief. We left before the end of
Speaker 1: this garade, and I was told sales guy was fired
Speaker 1: the following week when he finally showed up for work,
Speaker 1: shocking Wow. Yes, it is weird how often people forget
Speaker 1: that work parties are still work events and you need
Speaker 1: to exercise some judgment about what you do there, and
Speaker 1: that extends to your date too. It is generally not
Speaker 1: a good idea to bring a date who you don't
Speaker 1: trust to not have him meltdown and cause a scene.
Speaker 1: I would love to hear sometime from someone who was
Speaker 1: the date to someone else's company holiday party and caused
Speaker 1: a scene. Why do I never get those calls? Okay,
Speaker 1: after the short break, I'm going to be right back
Speaker 1: with more stories from callers. Hi, ask a manager. I'm
Speaker 1: calling about a scene from an amazing Christmas polock. A
Speaker 1: few years ago, I was working at an academic department
Speaker 1: where there was just really low morale. One thing that
Speaker 1: had really got my goat is that my boss often
Speaker 1: brought in her middle school aged son and I was
Speaker 1: expected to help him with his homework, even though I
Speaker 1: was in not that line of work. He was a
Speaker 1: good kid, but he was around a lot, and it
Speaker 1: seems odd to um have him so involved, or have
Speaker 1: us so involved in his homework. So at Christmas time, uh,
Speaker 1: this boss had organized a holiday lunch pot luck and
Speaker 1: we were all sort of filling about wishing we could
Speaker 1: go back to our desk when she brought up the
Speaker 1: karaoke and uh, this wasn't the kind of office where
Speaker 1: people who were going to sing along except for her son,
Speaker 1: who was there. And so we all got to stand
Speaker 1: around and watch this kid saying a little drummer boy
Speaker 1: and Rudolf the red nosed reindeer and here comes Santa
Speaker 1: clause for about an hour. Um. I have to say, Uh,
Speaker 1: it wasn't the worst holiday party I've ever been to.
Speaker 1: Like this added element of the child singing added a
Speaker 1: sort of surreal quality that ended up sort of looping
Speaker 1: the whole thing back to being kind of fun. Anyway.
Speaker 1: I ended up meeting my husband at that job. We
Speaker 1: started dating a few months after this holiday party, and
Speaker 1: so it's nice to have someone who remembers this experience
Speaker 1: experience and uh can reflect on it with great nostalgia
Speaker 1: with me. That sounds amazing. I don't know about other people,
Speaker 1: but I think this kind of weirdness at a party
Speaker 1: makes it all the better. I really wanted a couple
Speaker 1: of things to go a little bit wrong at my wedding,
Speaker 1: actually being which no one ever says but I feel
Speaker 1: like that's where the best stories come from, and that's
Speaker 1: what people remember. But not all office holiday stories are funny.
Speaker 1: And here is a caller who had a pretty infuriating
Speaker 1: and ridiculous experience with holidays at work. Hi, so this
Speaker 1: happened to me a couple of jobs ago, maybe about
Speaker 1: ten years ago. Um, I was working with a guy
Speaker 1: who was very decidedly Christian, and very obviously Christian. He
Speaker 1: wore this big giant gold cross around his neck, which
Speaker 1: he constantly was adjusting to make sure everyone could see it.
Speaker 1: I'm not Christian, I'm Jewish, but I mean I didn't
Speaker 1: let it bother me because it didn't affect how I
Speaker 1: did my job. Um, I could just ignore it when
Speaker 1: I interacted with him. So whatever, he could wear whatever
Speaker 1: he wants. Right. Well, then the holidays ran around, and
Speaker 1: of course the first thing he does is going over
Speaker 1: the top decorating his cuble bill. I mean a full
Speaker 1: size crash, a giant Santa, a medium sized Christmas tree
Speaker 1: with all the trimmings. And again, you know, this doesn't
Speaker 1: bother me. It's his qub. I don't have to look
Speaker 1: at it whatever. But I decided I kind of wanted
Speaker 1: to get into the spirit too. So I brought into
Speaker 1: work two little magnets. One of them was a dradal
Speaker 1: was about two inches big, and one of them was
Speaker 1: Hanakia the candelabra for Hanaka that was about one inch.
Speaker 1: It was really small, and I just put them up
Speaker 1: on the inside of my wall and you'd have to
Speaker 1: actually come into my cube to see it. But anyway,
Speaker 1: he decided that he didn't like this, and he complained
Speaker 1: to h R that I was making him feel uncomfortable.
Speaker 1: And so I then received a call directly from HR
Speaker 1: demanding that I immediately take my magnets down or face
Speaker 1: disciplinary action. Now, of course I asked, and they said no,
Speaker 1: he can keep all the decorations he wants, even if
Speaker 1: it made me feel uncomfortable. And when I asked why,
Speaker 1: they didn't give me an explanation. They just said, this
Speaker 1: is our decree. Basically, it was annoying and discriminatory, but
Speaker 1: again it didn't matter as much to me. So I
Speaker 1: just took my magnets down and went along my merry way.
Speaker 1: And then the day before Christmas rolled around and I
Speaker 1: put on my desk two bowls. I put a bowl
Speaker 1: full of dreadles and a bowl full of guilt, which
Speaker 1: is those little chocolate coins, and anyone who wanted to
Speaker 1: have one could just help themselves either or both or whatever.
Speaker 1: And of course this resulted in another call from HR
Speaker 1: to go in and talk with them, and he had
Speaker 1: told them that I had religious items on my desk
Speaker 1: that I was forcing him to interact with, which made
Speaker 1: him extremely uncomfortable, which obviously wasn't true. They were discreetly placed.
Speaker 1: They nobody had to touch them. I didn't give them
Speaker 1: to anybody. You could come and get them, but of
Speaker 1: course that's what he told they are, so I was
Speaker 1: immediately written up. They didn't even give me a chance
Speaker 1: to give my side of the story or say, hey,
Speaker 1: what is the company policy or anything. They just said,
Speaker 1: you're getting written up. Uh, you have to remove them immediately,
Speaker 1: And I got a lecture about not being a team player,
Speaker 1: and uh yeah. By the time I got back to
Speaker 1: my desk, he had given his Christmas presents to everyone
Speaker 1: on a team in mind was on my desk, which
Speaker 1: just happened to be this giant mug with Christian symbols
Speaker 1: all over it, So that I really didn't hang around
Speaker 1: for very long, and the business was a secular business,
Speaker 1: no ties to any type of religious organization like say Catholics,
Speaker 1: social Services would or something, so it I don't know.
Speaker 1: It to me felt very inappropriate, and yeah, I didn't
Speaker 1: I didn't stay there very long. I'm now I realized
Speaker 1: that it was religious discrimination and it was probably a
Speaker 1: really bad move on HRS part. And I know what
Speaker 1: I would do, but back then I really didn't do
Speaker 1: and do as much as I think I should have.
Speaker 1: And to this day, I mean it's been ten years,
Speaker 1: but to this day, every time the holidays will roll around,
Speaker 1: I get really tense at work because I am concerned
Speaker 1: about this happening. Again. Thanks, I'm so sorry you have
Speaker 1: that experience that is not okay at all and not
Speaker 1: legal either. Something year here in the US. It's weird
Speaker 1: that HR didn't talk to you about your side of
Speaker 1: the story and wasn't concerned about what this guy was
Speaker 1: doing himself. Just to be clear for people listening, employers
Speaker 1: don't have to let people decorate their workspaces, but if
Speaker 1: they do allow it, they can't pick and choose and
Speaker 1: say it's okay for this religious holiday but not for
Speaker 1: this other religion, because that is religious discrimination and it's illegal.
Speaker 1: Under federal law, and so it's crazy that they handled
Speaker 1: it this way. If anyone is ever in a situation
Speaker 1: like that, point out to your employer that they are
Speaker 1: running a foul of federal laws like enster legious discrimination
Speaker 1: at work. It should be obvious to people who work
Speaker 1: in HR, you would think, but it isn't. Always speaking
Speaker 1: of things that are inappropriate for work, here is our
Speaker 1: next collar. Hi, Alison, Um, it's coming up on the
Speaker 1: holiday season and I wanted to get your advice on
Speaker 1: something that happened last week. I was in a colleagues's
Speaker 1: office and we were chatting about picking at the Christmas
Speaker 1: tree and other holiday decorations that we normally put up
Speaker 1: around the office. She and another coworker brought up kissing balls.
Speaker 1: They said that the place that they normally go to
Speaker 1: get the office Christmas tree those gorgeous kissing balls made
Speaker 1: out of missiletel and they wanted to get one for
Speaker 1: the office. I stayed silent on the subject, but I
Speaker 1: feel like kissing balls in missiletoe in general are inappropriate
Speaker 1: in the workplace. Should I have have pointed out, and I
Speaker 1: just being apprud I tend to be more chip re
Speaker 1: laced than my coworkers, and they are both members of
Speaker 1: the executive team, and I'm not how should I have
Speaker 1: handled this? You are not being a prude. Things like
Speaker 1: missiletoe or kissing ball calls, where the whole point is
Speaker 1: that now you're supposed to kiss are totally inappropriate for work,
Speaker 1: And I would think that at this particular time in
Speaker 1: our history, companies would be especially attuned to that, but
Speaker 1: apparently not so. Yeah, Ideally when your coworker brought it up,
Speaker 1: you could have said something like, you know, I think
Speaker 1: that would be fine for a social party outside of work,
Speaker 1: but for a work party, it's going to look inappropriate
Speaker 1: to have missiletoe. Now, that assumes that they were hanging
Speaker 1: it the way that you hang missiletoe, and it's intended
Speaker 1: to be like a kissing station. God, even just saying
Speaker 1: that really highlights how weird that tradition is, doesn't it.
Speaker 1: But if they were just using it as a non
Speaker 1: kissing or related part of the decor, like as part
Speaker 1: of a larger garland or something, I wouldn't worry about that.
Speaker 1: But if they're using it as like kissing happens here,
Speaker 1: then yeah, speak up. Here's one more color, this one
Speaker 1: sharing the best thing they've ever seen their company do
Speaker 1: for the holidays, and the worst. I am calling with
Speaker 1: my best worst for Christmas parties. My worst is for
Speaker 1: our Christmas party. This year. Our boss gave us tickets
Speaker 1: to a local production of a Christmas play with a
Speaker 1: small cocktail party beforehand. Come to find out he's in
Speaker 1: the play, not the tickets for free, and the cocktail
Speaker 1: hour is hosted by the theater. Most of the stars declined,
Speaker 1: My best is not actually a party for the company
Speaker 1: I worked for for almost a decade, David, Christmas bonus
Speaker 1: equivalent to one patron, whether you were salary or hourly.
Speaker 1: I've never worked for a company before or sent that
Speaker 1: was that generous. That is the way to celebrate holidays
Speaker 1: at work. Everyone likes money and it tends to give
Speaker 1: people a lot of holiday cheer. Well, that is our
Speaker 1: show for today. Happy holidays, whatever you celebrate. Thanks for
Speaker 1: listening to the Ask a Manager podcast. If you'd like
Speaker 1: to come on the show to talk through your own question,
Speaker 1: email it to you podcast at Asking manager dot org,
Speaker 1: or you can leave a recording of your question by
Speaker 1: calling eight five five six work. That's eight five five
Speaker 1: six nine seven five. You can get more ask a
Speaker 1: Manager at ask a manager dot org or in my
Speaker 1: book Ask a Manager How to navigate clueless colleagues, lunch
Speaker 1: stealing bosses, and the rest of your life at work.
Speaker 1: The Ask a Manager Show is a partnership with How
Speaker 1: Stuff Works and is produced by Paul Deckett. If you
Speaker 1: liked what you heard, please take a minute to subscribe, rate,
Speaker 1: and review the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or Google Play.
Speaker 1: I'm Alison Green and I'll be back next week with
Speaker 1: another one of your questions.