WEBVTT - Holiday Mayhem at Work 0:00:03.560 --> 0:00:07.160 My colleagues. We'll stop commenting on everything I get at 0:00:07.200 --> 0:00:09.639 people and meeting. Why does my coworker keep taking credit 0:00:09.680 --> 0:00:12.240 for all my ideas? Have any wisdom for me? Hi? 0:00:12.280 --> 0:00:15.760 I'm Alison Green. Welcome to the Asking Manager podcast. Right 0:00:15.840 --> 0:00:19.680 answer questions from listeners about life at work. Everything from 0:00:19.720 --> 0:00:22.080 what to say if you're allergic to your coworkers perfume 0:00:22.400 --> 0:00:23.919 to what to do if you drink too much at 0:00:23.920 --> 0:00:29.200 the company party. Let's get started. Welcome to the show. 0:00:29.760 --> 0:00:33.479 Today's episode is all about holidays at work. We've got 0:00:33.600 --> 0:00:36.800 questions from people about office parties and gift giving, and 0:00:36.960 --> 0:00:39.599 we've got some funny stories from people about ways that 0:00:39.640 --> 0:00:44.239 their office holiday celebrations went terribly wrong. Let's start with 0:00:44.240 --> 0:00:46.400 one of the questions that I get asked the most 0:00:46.479 --> 0:00:48.680 at this time of year, about getting a gift for 0:00:48.720 --> 0:00:53.000 your boss. Hi, Allison, I started a new job a 0:00:53.000 --> 0:00:55.360 few months ago and I reported to my manager, but 0:00:55.400 --> 0:00:57.880 I also work a lot with his manager. I want 0:00:57.880 --> 0:01:00.360 to get them both small holiday gifts, but I don't 0:01:00.360 --> 0:01:02.320 know either of them super well yet, so I'm not 0:01:02.360 --> 0:01:04.720 sure what to get them. Is it too impersonal to 0:01:04.720 --> 0:01:07.880 get them boxes of Goodiva chocolates? Also, I tried to 0:01:07.920 --> 0:01:10.720 answer this question myself by looking at articles online, and 0:01:10.760 --> 0:01:13.319 I found some that set is actually inappropriate to gift 0:01:13.440 --> 0:01:15.399 up so I was wondering if I should even be 0:01:15.400 --> 0:01:19.959 getting them holiday gifts at all. Thank you. So, in general, 0:01:20.080 --> 0:01:22.880 the etiquette rule about giving gifts at work is that 0:01:22.959 --> 0:01:27.759 gifts can flow downward, not upward, meaning that your boss 0:01:27.800 --> 0:01:29.640 can give you a gift, but you and your co 0:01:29.800 --> 0:01:33.080 workers shouldn't give presents to your boss, and that is 0:01:33.160 --> 0:01:36.360 because of the power dynamics and the paid discrepancies that 0:01:36.480 --> 0:01:40.640 are inherent in that boss employee relationship. The idea is 0:01:40.720 --> 0:01:43.920 that otherwise an employee might feel pressured to purchase gifts 0:01:43.959 --> 0:01:47.400 for a manager, and it's pretty unseemly for managers to 0:01:47.520 --> 0:01:51.800 benefit from power dynamics that way. Now that said, there 0:01:51.840 --> 0:01:55.400 are definitely offices that ignore that rule and where gifts 0:01:55.480 --> 0:01:57.880 to the boss are pretty common, but you'd want to 0:01:57.920 --> 0:02:00.200 find out what the culture is in your office. You 0:02:00.240 --> 0:02:03.080 definitely don't want to be the person who starts giving 0:02:03.160 --> 0:02:06.120 gifts to your manager if that's not a thing that's 0:02:06.120 --> 0:02:08.600 done there, because it's going to put pressure on other 0:02:08.680 --> 0:02:11.519 people to do it too, and once you start, it 0:02:11.600 --> 0:02:15.360 can feel awkward. Stopping in later years. But really, in 0:02:15.440 --> 0:02:18.640 most offices, there's zero obligation to give a gift to 0:02:18.639 --> 0:02:20.720 your boss. If you want to bring in baked goods 0:02:20.720 --> 0:02:23.040 for everyone to share, that's totally fine. If you want 0:02:23.040 --> 0:02:26.519 to do cards, that's fine. But if you can stay 0:02:26.560 --> 0:02:29.840 away from doing an individual gift to your manager, because 0:02:29.880 --> 0:02:32.680 even if you are totally fine with it, it's bad 0:02:32.720 --> 0:02:35.680 for your coworkers, and it's bad for your boss too, 0:02:35.720 --> 0:02:38.679 because it can put them in an awkward position. Your 0:02:38.720 --> 0:02:41.079 gift to your boss can just be doing a great 0:02:41.160 --> 0:02:43.760 job throughout the year and being easy to manage, and 0:02:43.840 --> 0:02:47.800 that really is enough. But okay, that's where your boss 0:02:47.840 --> 0:02:51.120 is concerned. What about gifts for coworkers who are not 0:02:51.240 --> 0:02:55.240 your boss? Hi, Alison, I worked in an officer about 0:02:55.280 --> 0:02:58.160 thirty people. I would say that I'm of various levels 0:02:58.200 --> 0:03:01.160 ofspense with different people, and with the holidays coming up, 0:03:01.200 --> 0:03:03.760 I would like to get my friends gifts. UM. Now, 0:03:03.919 --> 0:03:06.160 I know that obviously it's not a good idea to 0:03:06.200 --> 0:03:08.520 do public gift gifting if you don't have something to 0:03:08.560 --> 0:03:11.959 give everybody, um. But my greater concern is said of 0:03:12.040 --> 0:03:14.880 the people and friends, with some of them I can 0:03:14.919 --> 0:03:16.960 afford to get gifts who are closer to me and 0:03:17.000 --> 0:03:20.080 others who I would doesn't sider my friends myself friends 0:03:20.120 --> 0:03:24.440 with I can't. Um No, I'm happy to see my 0:03:24.520 --> 0:03:27.760 friends gifts on private time. However, I still feel that 0:03:27.800 --> 0:03:31.560 there might be some residual awkwardness by them saying, oh, 0:03:31.800 --> 0:03:34.720 Stacy got me this gift to somebody else who also 0:03:34.760 --> 0:03:37.240 thinks they have friends with me, and then thinking why 0:03:37.280 --> 0:03:39.880 didn't Stacy get me a gift? Did I just lay 0:03:39.880 --> 0:03:44.240 off the gift giving altogether? Yeah. In general, if you 0:03:44.280 --> 0:03:46.839 are going to give gifts to coworkers, you should either 0:03:46.960 --> 0:03:50.320 do it for everyone who's in a similar circle, meaning 0:03:50.680 --> 0:03:53.960 everyone on your team or everyone you work closely with, 0:03:54.720 --> 0:03:57.840 or all the assistants. It's the same advice that you 0:03:57.920 --> 0:04:00.480 often hear about who to invite to your wedding, that 0:04:00.600 --> 0:04:02.680 people will say treat people who are in the same 0:04:02.720 --> 0:04:05.800 circle the same meaning with your wedding. If you're inviting 0:04:05.800 --> 0:04:08.640 a couple of cousins, you should invite all the cousins 0:04:08.680 --> 0:04:11.200 so that people aren't offended or hurt. It's the same 0:04:11.240 --> 0:04:13.960 thing here. Don't pick and choose among people who are 0:04:14.000 --> 0:04:17.920 sort of similarly situated to you. That said, if you're 0:04:17.960 --> 0:04:20.560 just going to give one or two or maybe three 0:04:20.600 --> 0:04:23.680 gifts to people who you're especially close with. That's fine 0:04:24.040 --> 0:04:26.280 as long as it's not like three people in a 0:04:26.360 --> 0:04:29.680 four person department, so you're leaving one person out. In 0:04:29.720 --> 0:04:32.000 other words, just think about how it's likely to land 0:04:32.000 --> 0:04:34.320 with the people who are not getting gifts, and don't 0:04:34.400 --> 0:04:37.120 leave out just a couple of people. And if that 0:04:37.279 --> 0:04:39.920 is all feeling just too complicated, then I think that 0:04:40.040 --> 0:04:42.920 is a sign to skip the gifts, stick with cards, 0:04:43.040 --> 0:04:46.560 stick with baked goods for everyone, or something like that. Ultimately, though, 0:04:46.600 --> 0:04:50.040 these are work relationships rather than social relationships, and so 0:04:50.080 --> 0:04:52.400 you've got to consider the way it could impact other 0:04:52.600 --> 0:04:55.800 work relationships too. So even if you might like to 0:04:55.839 --> 0:04:57.920 give a gift to your coworker who you're pretty good 0:04:57.920 --> 0:05:02.120 friends with, that potentially could be trumped by the weirdness 0:05:02.160 --> 0:05:04.440 or the awkwardness or her feelings that it could create 0:05:04.480 --> 0:05:07.400 with other people. So just look at the whole landscape. 0:05:07.520 --> 0:05:09.680 Make sure you're not creating a situation where people are 0:05:09.680 --> 0:05:11.840 going to feel left out if you think they might 0:05:12.279 --> 0:05:17.560 alter your plans. Okay. In addition to holiday gift giving 0:05:17.600 --> 0:05:20.600 at work, there are a lot of office parties at 0:05:20.640 --> 0:05:24.400 this time of year, and they can be full of weirdness. 0:05:24.920 --> 0:05:30.280 Here is one color story about her office Christmas party. Hi, Allison, 0:05:30.400 --> 0:05:32.839 I wanted to share a funny and awkward company Christmas 0:05:32.880 --> 0:05:38.520 party story with you. My organization hosts an annual Christmas party. Work, staff, spouses, volunteers, 0:05:38.520 --> 0:05:41.039 and board members are all invited. We get an email 0:05:41.040 --> 0:05:42.800 sent out with tickets are available so that we know 0:05:42.839 --> 0:05:45.320 when to go ahead and get them. A few years ago, 0:05:45.360 --> 0:05:47.560 one of the board members accidentally hit reply all to 0:05:47.640 --> 0:05:50.200 the ticket announced an email and asked the organizer to 0:05:50.279 --> 0:05:53.000 ensure that he wasn't suated with our volunteer firefighters since 0:05:53.040 --> 0:05:55.159 he was stuck at their table the year before and 0:05:55.200 --> 0:05:57.679 none of them wanted to talk to him. Within a minute, 0:05:57.720 --> 0:06:00.040 someone else had hit reply all again, saying that you 0:06:00.080 --> 0:06:02.720 would be honored to be seated with those firefighters, as 0:06:02.720 --> 0:06:05.640 they're willing to restore their lives to keep our community safe. 0:06:06.120 --> 0:06:08.720 A few other emails went flying back and forth, congratulating 0:06:08.720 --> 0:06:11.200 the firefighters for their hard work, and the board members 0:06:11.200 --> 0:06:14.080 soon set out an apology email. To make things even 0:06:14.120 --> 0:06:16.120 more awkward, one of the people making a speech at 0:06:16.120 --> 0:06:18.359 the company Christmas party did take a few minutes to 0:06:18.360 --> 0:06:21.279 commend or volunteer firefighters. I'm sure the board member couldn't 0:06:21.320 --> 0:06:23.160 have looked any more comfortable as the rest of the 0:06:23.240 --> 0:06:25.960 room posted them. I'm looking forward to seeing what our 0:06:25.960 --> 0:06:27.960 party has is were for us this year, and thank 0:06:28.000 --> 0:06:29.960 you so much for compiling news. There's going to be 0:06:29.960 --> 0:06:34.680 fun to read anything and here thank you bye. Oh 0:06:34.680 --> 0:06:38.840 my goodness. Accidental use of reply all has caused so 0:06:38.880 --> 0:06:41.080 many problems, and yet I would never want to get 0:06:41.160 --> 0:06:45.320 rid of it because I cherish these stories. Well. Companies 0:06:45.360 --> 0:06:48.120 do a lot of weird things with their holiday parties, 0:06:48.200 --> 0:06:51.599 and one of those weird things is making employees pay 0:06:51.960 --> 0:06:56.039 to attend. Now. To be fair, there are some employers 0:06:56.040 --> 0:06:58.039 that have no choice in that regard. If you work 0:06:58.080 --> 0:07:00.279 for the government, you're generally not allowed to pay for 0:07:00.320 --> 0:07:04.560 parties with taxpayers money, for example, But private employers who 0:07:04.560 --> 0:07:07.480 don't have those same restrictions sometimes do it to you, 0:07:07.920 --> 0:07:11.920 and that is this color situation. I'm a care worker 0:07:11.920 --> 0:07:15.920 for adults learning disabilities from the UK. It is approaching 0:07:16.000 --> 0:07:18.800 Christmas and my manager has organized a Christmas meal at 0:07:18.800 --> 0:07:21.840 a restaurant which will be for both staff and the adults. 0:07:21.880 --> 0:07:25.360 We support. All of the people we support will be attending, 0:07:25.640 --> 0:07:28.600 along with their support workers who are on shift that day. 0:07:29.080 --> 0:07:31.320 There is also the expectation that those who are not 0:07:31.440 --> 0:07:34.240 on shift will be attending as well. This is not 0:07:34.360 --> 0:07:37.040 a well paying job, and our management team will not 0:07:37.120 --> 0:07:40.640 be subsidizing this meal. Those on shift who attend are 0:07:40.680 --> 0:07:43.360 expected to eat the restaurant with the people we support, 0:07:43.440 --> 0:07:45.640 to be social, and we'll pay it their own expense. 0:07:46.440 --> 0:07:50.120 Practically speaking, all those attending, whether on the clock or not, 0:07:50.680 --> 0:07:53.920 will unavoidably end up taking care of the people we support, 0:07:54.440 --> 0:07:57.680 so all the stuff will effectively be doing work, only 0:07:57.880 --> 0:08:00.880 some won't be getting paid for their time. I don't 0:08:00.880 --> 0:08:03.720 have a huge income and normally meals out and not 0:08:03.760 --> 0:08:06.440 within my budget. Am I right in thinking that this 0:08:06.520 --> 0:08:11.320 is an unfair expectation. Yeah, it's one thing to say, hey, 0:08:11.320 --> 0:08:13.720 our Christmas party is really more for our clients than 0:08:13.760 --> 0:08:17.680 it is for staff. That's totally fine. But in that case, 0:08:17.840 --> 0:08:20.560 it's a work expense and the company should be covering it. 0:08:21.360 --> 0:08:24.640 Asking people to pay for their meal when they're expected 0:08:24.680 --> 0:08:28.280 to do work that is contributing to the company's mission 0:08:28.960 --> 0:08:31.840 really isn't okay. The company should be covering those costs. 0:08:32.679 --> 0:08:34.480 Let's go to a break and then we'll come back 0:08:34.559 --> 0:08:47.959 with some office holiday party stories. All right, My hubbins 0:08:48.320 --> 0:08:54.280 is as a medium un people send people remote um 0:08:54.360 --> 0:08:58.800 size tech company and they are having a Thanksgiving pot luck. 0:08:59.280 --> 0:09:03.240 I volunteered to help out. And on the sign up sheets, 0:09:03.360 --> 0:09:05.920 you know, many people had sign up for stuffing potatoes, 0:09:05.960 --> 0:09:09.199 cranberry sauce, et cetera, and the three spots for a 0:09:09.240 --> 0:09:12.760 whole cooked turkey or blank. I love cooking turkey, so 0:09:12.800 --> 0:09:16.400 I signed up immediately. But personally, I think asking the 0:09:16.440 --> 0:09:19.680 employees to bring in whole cooked turkeys is a bit much. 0:09:20.280 --> 0:09:23.760 Should I point out to him that whole cook turkeys 0:09:23.840 --> 0:09:26.040 are a thing that it is possible for the company 0:09:26.679 --> 0:09:31.160 to purchase from a restaurant or whatever, and that the 0:09:31.240 --> 0:09:36.440 company should just provide these while employees provide the other items. Uh, 0:09:36.480 --> 0:09:39.000 he got a decent amount of sway in the company, 0:09:39.280 --> 0:09:43.400 so he would be an appropriate person to raise this issue. 0:09:43.880 --> 0:09:47.360 Or should I just say, okay, well, this is possibly 0:09:47.360 --> 0:09:51.079 an employee planting employees suggested they bring their own turkeys. 0:09:51.160 --> 0:09:53.480 This is fine. I don't know what should I do. 0:09:53.600 --> 0:09:57.960 Who should provide the whole cook turkeys for the company potluck? 0:09:58.320 --> 0:10:01.839 Is the question. Yeah, it's one thing to ask people 0:10:01.880 --> 0:10:04.120 to contribute to a potluck with the usual kind of 0:10:04.160 --> 0:10:08.240 thing that you mentioned, cranberry, sauce, soda, napkins, etcetera. But 0:10:08.360 --> 0:10:11.640 asking employees to cook an entire turkey is a pretty 0:10:11.640 --> 0:10:14.760 big deal. And ideally, if there is a particularly expensive 0:10:14.800 --> 0:10:17.760 component of the meal like that, the company would provide it. 0:10:18.320 --> 0:10:21.160 That said, because it's your husband's company and not yours, 0:10:21.240 --> 0:10:23.160 I mean you might point out to him this is 0:10:23.240 --> 0:10:25.560 kind of weird. It's it's surprising that your employer isn't 0:10:25.559 --> 0:10:27.719 providing this, but I don't think you really need to 0:10:27.720 --> 0:10:30.960 push it. It's kind of his thing to handle. I 0:10:31.000 --> 0:10:33.880 actually got an update from this collar the next day, 0:10:34.120 --> 0:10:37.520 and here is how her situation turned out. I have 0:10:37.679 --> 0:10:42.679 got an update for the should co workers bring turkey 0:10:42.760 --> 0:10:45.760 to a potluck question? The next day after I asked 0:10:45.760 --> 0:10:48.720 the question, hr stime an email saying they would be 0:10:48.760 --> 0:10:52.560 providing they Um, the company did provide a bunch of 0:10:52.559 --> 0:10:54.800 food for the potluck. It was an only potluck, which 0:10:54.800 --> 0:10:58.120 is great because it's a big company and I am 0:10:58.160 --> 0:11:03.120 an example of you shouldn't have employees bring turkeys because 0:11:03.120 --> 0:11:05.760 I was funny. I'm still making one bread in the oven. 0:11:05.800 --> 0:11:08.880 I was planning these ended up not working. I de 0:11:09.000 --> 0:11:11.520 saw the wrong turkey, so it was too big and 0:11:11.760 --> 0:11:17.520 didn't defall in time. And yeah, Thanksgiving potluck could have 0:11:17.559 --> 0:11:20.760 been ruined if co workers were in charge of all 0:11:20.760 --> 0:11:24.360 this and the company wasn't just providing things. So my 0:11:24.480 --> 0:11:29.200 vote is the company should have the turkey as they did, 0:11:29.400 --> 0:11:33.360 and it worked out and it was delicious. Speaking of 0:11:33.679 --> 0:11:37.040 enormous meat dishes at the company party, Here is a 0:11:37.080 --> 0:11:41.160 color who has a thing or two to say about that. Hi, Alison, 0:11:41.800 --> 0:11:44.439 So I worked for a small company that prided itself 0:11:44.480 --> 0:11:47.520 on their holiday parties. I mean these things were big 0:11:47.600 --> 0:11:50.920 for an under company renting out an entire high end 0:11:50.920 --> 0:11:54.360 restaurant in d C and open bar and limited food 0:11:54.640 --> 0:11:58.520 nearly black tie. Honestly, the company was very concerned with 0:11:58.559 --> 0:12:01.880 this imagery and wanted to present a super slick, downtown 0:12:02.000 --> 0:12:05.200 savvy sort of vibe. This was evident in everything that 0:12:05.280 --> 0:12:07.480 they did. After I'd been there for a little while, 0:12:07.520 --> 0:12:09.640 the owners decided to sell it to a new company 0:12:09.679 --> 0:12:12.040 that was more laid back in casual, less concerned with 0:12:12.080 --> 0:12:14.160 the image, and hadn't really done the whole holiday party 0:12:14.160 --> 0:12:17.440 thing before, especially because the acquiring company was spread out 0:12:17.480 --> 0:12:21.040 in different offices around the country. Anyway, I corresponded with 0:12:21.040 --> 0:12:24.239 the social to confirm that they would have food for vegetarians. 0:12:24.880 --> 0:12:27.040 It had never been a problem before. They always had 0:12:27.040 --> 0:12:30.880 one or two items, and the restaurants were always willing. Actually, 0:12:30.880 --> 0:12:33.120 at one party, a restaurant custom made me something to 0:12:33.160 --> 0:12:35.080 eat because I was the only vegetarian at the time. 0:12:35.720 --> 0:12:40.240 So the new company through their holiday party. There's you 0:12:40.280 --> 0:12:43.000 had to rs up to come and uh there were 0:12:43.320 --> 0:12:45.280 drink tickets that you had to pick up. You got 0:12:45.280 --> 0:12:47.000 two free drinks, and then everything else you had to 0:12:47.000 --> 0:12:50.080 paper out of bucket. And there was food. They did 0:12:50.160 --> 0:12:52.800 run out a bar. It was a very very small bar. 0:12:53.280 --> 0:12:59.079 It had two floors and a capacity of probably I 0:12:59.120 --> 0:13:02.400 would say maybe come to believe fifty people. Over a 0:13:02.520 --> 0:13:05.480 hundred and twenty people were crammed into this place. And 0:13:05.520 --> 0:13:10.920 not only that, but there was all meat. Everything that 0:13:11.000 --> 0:13:14.840 they had to eat was meat. And when you walked 0:13:14.960 --> 0:13:17.040 up the stairs to get to where the meat was, 0:13:17.160 --> 0:13:19.320 there was just a whole pig sitting on a table 0:13:19.400 --> 0:13:22.880 and a cooked pig. But it was a little nauseating. 0:13:23.280 --> 0:13:25.760 I'm sure that you know some people are really into that, 0:13:25.840 --> 0:13:29.080 but um, if you're not expecting it, it's really off footing. 0:13:29.400 --> 0:13:32.960 But there was literally nothing for vegetarians to eat, or 0:13:33.000 --> 0:13:37.840 anyone you know who might be hallal or kosher, or 0:13:38.240 --> 0:13:42.480 you know, had any sort of dietary restrictions. My partner 0:13:42.520 --> 0:13:46.000 and I went and we had a horrible time. We 0:13:46.080 --> 0:13:48.800 could not move around, we could not have anything to eat, 0:13:49.360 --> 0:13:52.840 and we ended up leaving after about twenty minutes or so. 0:13:53.000 --> 0:13:57.199 It was probably the worst and most isolating then I'd 0:13:57.200 --> 0:14:01.200 ever been to. Companies really have to think about this. 0:14:01.520 --> 0:14:05.000 You know, you probably have vegetarians on your staff, you 0:14:05.080 --> 0:14:07.800 might have people who aren't eating meat for religious or 0:14:07.800 --> 0:14:10.480 ethical or dietary reasons, and you've got to provide a 0:14:10.559 --> 0:14:14.000 range of options. A meat only meal is not cool, 0:14:14.480 --> 0:14:16.320 and in this day and age, it's just silly. Had 0:14:16.320 --> 0:14:19.200 to take that into account. The same thing goes actually 0:14:19.240 --> 0:14:22.000 for companies that still do that traditional thing. If giving 0:14:22.040 --> 0:14:25.080 employees a turkey or a ham for a Christmas gift, 0:14:25.400 --> 0:14:27.560 that is not going to be an inclusive gift for 0:14:27.600 --> 0:14:30.200 a lot of your employees and really give people what 0:14:30.240 --> 0:14:34.240 they want, which is money or more time off. Here's 0:14:34.240 --> 0:14:40.000 another color with another question about a company holiday party. Hi, Alison, um, 0:14:40.040 --> 0:14:43.640 So my question is this. For several decades, my employer 0:14:43.720 --> 0:14:46.040 held a holiday party in the office on the December 0:14:46.080 --> 0:14:50.280 Friday evening and employees were allowed to bring anyone they liked, friends, families, 0:14:50.280 --> 0:14:53.120 smitticant others. It was sort of a casual, open house 0:14:53.120 --> 0:14:55.840 type of event for all ages. They were drinks, lots 0:14:55.840 --> 0:14:59.040 of food, caroling, some holiday themed activities with the kids. 0:14:59.600 --> 0:15:02.840 We have a warm and collegial company culture, so former 0:15:02.840 --> 0:15:05.960 employees often returned for the party as well. It was 0:15:05.960 --> 0:15:07.960 a nice time for everyone to catch up with each other. 0:15:08.400 --> 0:15:11.760 As a childless and usually single person, I would often 0:15:11.800 --> 0:15:14.360 invite my my sister or a friend to join me, 0:15:14.440 --> 0:15:17.440 so I was an alone at the party. Two years ago, 0:15:17.600 --> 0:15:20.200 some minor property damage occurred in the waning hours of 0:15:20.240 --> 0:15:22.760 the party. One of the glass doors in the office 0:15:22.760 --> 0:15:25.200 was cracked and had to be replaced. I don't know 0:15:25.240 --> 0:15:27.440 the exact details of what went down, but the damage 0:15:27.480 --> 0:15:29.480 was done by a former employee. He had returned to 0:15:29.560 --> 0:15:31.680 the party after we'd gotten to an argument with someone. 0:15:32.720 --> 0:15:35.000 In response to this, the party was moved off site 0:15:35.040 --> 0:15:38.280 the following year and employees were restricted to only bringing 0:15:38.320 --> 0:15:41.880 significant others and children. I understand that they want to 0:15:41.960 --> 0:15:44.160 maintain more control over the guest list in light of 0:15:44.200 --> 0:15:46.880 what happened, but as a single person, I feel that 0:15:46.920 --> 0:15:50.080 this is not an inclusive policy. I'd like the opportunity 0:15:50.120 --> 0:15:51.720 to bring a guest and not have it assumed that 0:15:51.760 --> 0:15:54.440 that guest is my romantic partner. Do I have a 0:15:54.520 --> 0:15:56.840 leg to stand on here? And if so, how do 0:15:56.880 --> 0:16:00.720 I address this with my employer? Well, I it's definitely 0:16:00.720 --> 0:16:04.840 not unusual for companies to restrict plus ones to significant 0:16:04.840 --> 0:16:08.080 others and sometimes to kids. The idea behind it is 0:16:08.080 --> 0:16:11.480 that etiquette has long treated married couples and and now 0:16:11.520 --> 0:16:15.160 other significant others as well as a social unit. So 0:16:15.240 --> 0:16:18.600 they're invited to social events as a unit. The idea 0:16:18.720 --> 0:16:22.360 isn't bring any plus one you want. The idea is 0:16:22.360 --> 0:16:24.280 supposed to be, we're not going to ask you to 0:16:24.440 --> 0:16:28.120 leave out a spouse or a spouse equivalent during this 0:16:28.280 --> 0:16:31.920 non work hours social event, and in your company's case, 0:16:31.920 --> 0:16:34.960 they're expanding that to include kids as well. So I 0:16:35.000 --> 0:16:37.920 don't think it's terribly offensive. There's a logic to what 0:16:37.960 --> 0:16:41.120 they're doing, and it is grounded in traditional etiquette, but 0:16:41.160 --> 0:16:43.440 that doesn't mean that you can't suggest that they rethink it. 0:16:43.640 --> 0:16:45.560 You could point out that it would be nice for 0:16:45.600 --> 0:16:47.800 people without partners and kids to be able to bring 0:16:47.840 --> 0:16:50.160 a guest as well and ask if they would be 0:16:50.200 --> 0:16:53.720 open to reconsidering. They might budge, they might not, but 0:16:53.880 --> 0:16:56.440 it's a reasonable thing to ask about, and if you 0:16:56.480 --> 0:16:58.280 get some of your co workers to make the request 0:16:58.280 --> 0:17:00.600 along with you, that might put a little more pressure 0:17:00.640 --> 0:17:03.360 on them to say yes. I will say though, that 0:17:03.440 --> 0:17:06.480 company parties are generally not a ton of fun for 0:17:06.520 --> 0:17:09.520 the plus ones who don't work there, and ultimately they 0:17:09.560 --> 0:17:11.960 are intended to be events that build your social bonds 0:17:12.000 --> 0:17:14.960 with your coworkers. So if your company doesn't budge, I 0:17:14.960 --> 0:17:17.320 don't think they're being monsters, but I do think it's 0:17:17.359 --> 0:17:21.400 definitely a reasonable thing that you could ask about. Here 0:17:21.560 --> 0:17:24.720 is a color with a story about some memorable bad 0:17:24.800 --> 0:17:29.320 behavior at a company holiday party. I was my excess 0:17:29.400 --> 0:17:32.639 date SS Christmas party a lifetime ago. One of the 0:17:32.680 --> 0:17:35.199 middle aged talk shot sales team members showed up at 0:17:35.200 --> 0:17:37.680 the party with a scantily clad young woman who was 0:17:37.720 --> 0:17:41.280 obviously not his wife, and this couple made a spectacle 0:17:41.280 --> 0:17:44.520 of themselves by drinking to excess, being obnoxiously loud, and 0:17:44.560 --> 0:17:49.320 displaying horrifying graphic levels of p d A. Someone did 0:17:49.400 --> 0:17:51.960 say something to the sales guy and he managed to 0:17:51.960 --> 0:17:54.119 bring things down a few notches and we moved on 0:17:54.240 --> 0:17:57.440 with our evening. Sales guy in his day were obviously 0:17:57.480 --> 0:18:01.000 pouting after being told off, and they eventually brought their 0:18:01.040 --> 0:18:03.000 any two levels back up as the night went on. 0:18:03.840 --> 0:18:05.960 The lights turned on as the night was winding down, 0:18:06.040 --> 0:18:08.679 and people were milling about waiting for their various methods 0:18:08.680 --> 0:18:11.720 of transportation, and sales guy said something to his date 0:18:11.960 --> 0:18:15.440 that upset her greatly. She then cornered the sales guy 0:18:15.560 --> 0:18:19.560 and loudly began issuing threats and almost ending each statement 0:18:19.600 --> 0:18:22.320 with gems like I think your boss would like to 0:18:22.359 --> 0:18:25.960 know this, wouldn't he? Mr? Nose Candy? And they sure 0:18:25.960 --> 0:18:28.040 would like to find out how you got dirty knees 0:18:28.040 --> 0:18:31.880 and a dusty lit, wouldn't they Mr? And insert homosexual 0:18:31.920 --> 0:18:35.160 slur here. There wasn't a single head that wasn't turned 0:18:35.160 --> 0:18:37.760 in their direction, and almost everybody was standing there an 0:18:37.800 --> 0:18:41.199 open math stiff belief. We left before the end of 0:18:41.200 --> 0:18:43.919 this garade, and I was told sales guy was fired 0:18:43.960 --> 0:18:46.280 the following week when he finally showed up for work, 0:18:46.960 --> 0:18:53.480 shocking Wow. Yes, it is weird how often people forget 0:18:53.520 --> 0:18:56.560 that work parties are still work events and you need 0:18:56.600 --> 0:18:59.359 to exercise some judgment about what you do there, and 0:18:59.400 --> 0:19:02.159 that extends to your date too. It is generally not 0:19:02.240 --> 0:19:04.000 a good idea to bring a date who you don't 0:19:04.000 --> 0:19:07.280 trust to not have him meltdown and cause a scene. 0:19:08.080 --> 0:19:10.560 I would love to hear sometime from someone who was 0:19:10.680 --> 0:19:13.399 the date to someone else's company holiday party and caused 0:19:13.440 --> 0:19:16.960 a scene. Why do I never get those calls? Okay, 0:19:17.000 --> 0:19:18.720 after the short break, I'm going to be right back 0:19:18.760 --> 0:19:31.680 with more stories from callers. Hi, ask a manager. I'm 0:19:31.680 --> 0:19:34.800 calling about a scene from an amazing Christmas polock. A 0:19:34.840 --> 0:19:38.280 few years ago, I was working at an academic department 0:19:38.440 --> 0:19:41.240 where there was just really low morale. One thing that 0:19:41.320 --> 0:19:44.040 had really got my goat is that my boss often 0:19:44.080 --> 0:19:46.080 brought in her middle school aged son and I was 0:19:46.119 --> 0:19:48.520 expected to help him with his homework, even though I 0:19:48.560 --> 0:19:51.040 was in not that line of work. He was a 0:19:51.040 --> 0:19:53.119 good kid, but he was around a lot, and it 0:19:53.119 --> 0:19:55.960 seems odd to um have him so involved, or have 0:19:56.119 --> 0:20:00.240 us so involved in his homework. So at Christmas time, uh, 0:20:00.280 --> 0:20:04.360 this boss had organized a holiday lunch pot luck and 0:20:04.440 --> 0:20:06.600 we were all sort of filling about wishing we could 0:20:06.640 --> 0:20:09.119 go back to our desk when she brought up the 0:20:09.200 --> 0:20:13.160 karaoke and uh, this wasn't the kind of office where 0:20:13.160 --> 0:20:15.680 people who were going to sing along except for her son, 0:20:15.840 --> 0:20:18.240 who was there. And so we all got to stand 0:20:18.240 --> 0:20:21.200 around and watch this kid saying a little drummer boy 0:20:21.280 --> 0:20:23.720 and Rudolf the red nosed reindeer and here comes Santa 0:20:23.760 --> 0:20:28.200 clause for about an hour. Um. I have to say, Uh, 0:20:28.560 --> 0:20:31.080 it wasn't the worst holiday party I've ever been to. 0:20:31.359 --> 0:20:34.720 Like this added element of the child singing added a 0:20:34.880 --> 0:20:37.840 sort of surreal quality that ended up sort of looping 0:20:37.880 --> 0:20:41.360 the whole thing back to being kind of fun. Anyway. 0:20:41.760 --> 0:20:44.919 I ended up meeting my husband at that job. We 0:20:44.920 --> 0:20:47.280 started dating a few months after this holiday party, and 0:20:47.320 --> 0:20:49.800 so it's nice to have someone who remembers this experience 0:20:50.000 --> 0:20:54.120 experience and uh can reflect on it with great nostalgia 0:20:54.200 --> 0:20:59.320 with me. That sounds amazing. I don't know about other people, 0:20:59.359 --> 0:21:01.719 but I think this kind of weirdness at a party 0:21:02.240 --> 0:21:04.919 makes it all the better. I really wanted a couple 0:21:04.960 --> 0:21:06.919 of things to go a little bit wrong at my wedding, 0:21:06.960 --> 0:21:09.960 actually being which no one ever says but I feel 0:21:09.960 --> 0:21:11.840 like that's where the best stories come from, and that's 0:21:11.880 --> 0:21:16.240 what people remember. But not all office holiday stories are funny. 0:21:16.480 --> 0:21:19.920 And here is a caller who had a pretty infuriating 0:21:20.080 --> 0:21:25.639 and ridiculous experience with holidays at work. Hi, so this 0:21:25.680 --> 0:21:28.120 happened to me a couple of jobs ago, maybe about 0:21:28.119 --> 0:21:30.400 ten years ago. Um, I was working with a guy 0:21:30.400 --> 0:21:34.679 who was very decidedly Christian, and very obviously Christian. He 0:21:34.720 --> 0:21:38.280