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Speaker 1: Scrubbing In with Becca Tilly and Tanya rat and I

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Speaker 1: Heart Radio podcast. Hello everybody, we are scrubbing in tis

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Speaker 1: indeed a scrub in and we're together. We've been together

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Speaker 1: the past two weeks. Yeah, I'm at I know, my gosh,

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Speaker 1: how do you do it? Did you tired? Yeah? Feel unsettled.

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Speaker 1: My house is in disarray. But I've just been like,

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Speaker 1: you know what, that feels like a problem for another month,

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Speaker 1: not another day, another month. Because I got back from

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Speaker 1: Cobo and I was sick like i've been. I'm just

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Speaker 1: like this weekend was the first time I started feeling

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Speaker 1: like normal again. I was so run down. I remember

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Speaker 1: that it was like a long time ago. It was.

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Speaker 1: It lasted for a while. Yeah, so there's that. I'm

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Speaker 1: going back to Mexico on Wednesday, so and then we're

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Speaker 1: from there and then, um, I don't know, but I

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Speaker 1: will be out of town the next weekend too because

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Speaker 1: it's Hayley's birthday. But I don't know where we're going out,

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Speaker 1: but it will be drivable. But and you'll be back

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Speaker 1: on Monday for the podcast obviously. Yes, great, but anyways,

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Speaker 1: all fun stuff. Um, how are you you know? I'm

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Speaker 1: good I'm just you know, doing the same same thing.

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Speaker 1: I have a new crystal that I've been putting against

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Speaker 1: my heart. Um. I supposed to give me my modern

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Speaker 1: woman mojo back and I think it's working. And did

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Speaker 1: you lose the modern woman mojo? Um? I think the

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Speaker 1: pandemic had a lot to do with it. Because now

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Speaker 1: that I'm like getting back into something of like work stuff,

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Speaker 1: I'm kind of just like, am I still good at this? Like?

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Speaker 1: Am I doing the right thing? You know? He hasn't

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Speaker 1: asked me back to do this award season, so that

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Speaker 1: kind of threw me for a loop. I was like,

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Speaker 1: do they hate me? Do I suck? Am I even

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Speaker 1: good anymore? So all those thoughts are running through my head.

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Speaker 1: It's really fun. Try taking a spin and this bad boy. Um,

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Speaker 1: but I have this crystal that it's not a crystal's

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Speaker 1: more like a stone, like a gem. Okay, what kind

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Speaker 1: of gym? It's actually my person cut jem I got

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Speaker 1: jam um No, but I have it downstairs. I'll show you.

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Speaker 1: I have it in my kitchen and you just place

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Speaker 1: it against your heart. Yeah. Like basically, just all the

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Speaker 1: imposter syndrome thoughts just like go just like I watched

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Speaker 1: them float out of my body. Do you think I've

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Speaker 1: been doing that in wordle oh? Wow? Yeah? Yeah yeah.

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Speaker 1: I can't think of anything that's more productive in getting

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Speaker 1: the modern woman mojo back than word Yeah. Yeah, I

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Speaker 1: haven't had my mojo. And remember when we stuck mojo

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Speaker 1: and then like I feel like I would say I

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Speaker 1: don't have my mojo, and then it would like, come back,

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Speaker 1: do you have it right now? Like I don't think

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Speaker 1: I do. I don't think you do either. Yeah. I

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Speaker 1: don't say that in like a mean way. I say

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Speaker 1: that just coming from a place of just like knowing me, yeah,

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Speaker 1: feeling your energy. But I don't know why I'm lacking

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Speaker 1: my mojo. That's the key. So you have to figure

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Speaker 1: out where where it's coming from, where the lack of

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Speaker 1: mojo coming. Have you tried going to Mexico a whole

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Speaker 1: bunch of times. I'm trying that, but I don't know

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Speaker 1: if it's working working to bring my mojo back. Have

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Speaker 1: you tried holding a gem or a precious stone towards

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Speaker 1: your haven't done that, But you know, I think there's

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Speaker 1: not doing much. It's being very productive, but it's like

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Speaker 1: I wish I could find the source of what it is.

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Speaker 1: I think there's just a lot of like, um, like

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Speaker 1: on social media and stuff, there's a lot of trying

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Speaker 1: to keep up all the time. And then there's that

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Speaker 1: balance of living your life without filming, like you have

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Speaker 1: to document everything, and I think sometimes I struggle between

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Speaker 1: that and I think that if I'm not getting you know,

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Speaker 1: there's certain things on Instagram where it's like you're losing

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Speaker 1: followers or your engagement, which is dumb. I'm in the

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Speaker 1: grand scheme of things, it's dumb, but it is part

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Speaker 1: of my job. So there's a lot of pressure there.

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Speaker 1: And I think like when you're not getting the attention

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Speaker 1: that you used to get, this is part of the

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Speaker 1: unhealthy part of social media. When you're not getting attention

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Speaker 1: or yeah, validation that you're used to or that you

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Speaker 1: have gotten, you start wondering, like, what's wrong with me?

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Speaker 1: Did I do something different? Is it just the Instagram algorithm?

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Speaker 1: Like what is it? Um? So, I don't know if

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Speaker 1: that has to do with the big part. I mean,

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Speaker 1: I'm sure that has to do with some of it.

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Speaker 1: For sure has to do with some of it. But

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Speaker 1: I don't want to like relate my mojo to social media.

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Speaker 1: I don't think you're doing it's not like you're intentionally

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Speaker 1: doing it, or definitely it's definitely something subconscious that's happening,

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Speaker 1: or there is something. You know. It's actually funny that

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Speaker 1: you say that, because I don't like it's not social

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Speaker 1: media is not my job. It's part of my job,

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Speaker 1: but it's not my job. So I do look at

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Speaker 1: the numbers. And a friend of mine was actually asking

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Speaker 1: me to send um she wanted to kind of look

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Speaker 1: at my analytics because she's into all that stuff. So

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Speaker 1: I just said them to her, and I noticed on

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Speaker 1: all my things it was like negative, negative, negative, and

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Speaker 1: I was like, oh my god, so you know, so

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Speaker 1: they don't want me back on the carpet. The people

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Speaker 1: on Instagram, it's negative, negative, negative. And I went to

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Speaker 1: like this dark hole and I was like, why do

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Speaker 1: I letting these numbers? I was like, and she hit

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Speaker 1: me back and she was like, this is what's happening

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Speaker 1: right now with again some some algorithm or whatever. I

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Speaker 1: don't really know, but I had to kind of shake

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Speaker 1: that part off because I was like, it's to me.

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Speaker 1: To me, Instagram is a fun place. It's more of

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Speaker 1: like a like a scrap bookie, facebookie community to think

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Speaker 1: for me, and I want to keep it that way.

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Speaker 1: So I had to talk myself off a ledge, but

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Speaker 1: I get that that was my job, and I was

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Speaker 1: seeing that I would spiral. But I go back and

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Speaker 1: forth because there's part of the majority of the time

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Speaker 1: I feel like I love um social media and the

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Speaker 1: community of it and the fun of it, but there

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Speaker 1: is that other side that's like so far on the

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Speaker 1: extreme that makes it not fun, you know, and UM,

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Speaker 1: so that's been I've been navigating that. But I'm always

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Speaker 1: navigating that like that. It's like consistently like swirling through

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Speaker 1: my head. So I don't know if I can attribute

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Speaker 1: that to the um no jo. I don't know. You

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Speaker 1: know what I think we need? What a sexy photo

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Speaker 1: shoot we've been talking about. I think a sexy photo

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Speaker 1: shoot might make me so dark. We prep for it,

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Speaker 1: so it's like, Okay, we put a date in the calendar.

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Speaker 1: Let's say the photo shoots May onest. Okay, so we're

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Speaker 1: gonna do this photo shoot May first, and we have

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Speaker 1: to prep ourselves mentally, physically, emotionally. We'll get cute launcherie,

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Speaker 1: we'll get a spray tan, we'll go on a lot

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Speaker 1: of runs. It'll be so cute prime mojo and we're

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Speaker 1: just taking our boobs. We're just taking them like to

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Speaker 1: look at ourselves to sure, maybe post them on the Facebook.

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Speaker 1: You share them with your partners, couldn't you on Facebook?

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Speaker 1: They'll be tasteful. I don't find that. I don't find

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Speaker 1: that my mojo is lacking in my personal life. Like

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Speaker 1: I feel like I'm very confident. Makes me feel very commident,

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Speaker 1: like that part of my life is very secure. Mojo

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Speaker 1: is all encompassing. It's not like secular. No, I don't

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Speaker 1: think that's I don't think that was it. When I'm

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Speaker 1: looking at mojo is all encompassing. It is not linear. Okay,

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Speaker 1: does that work? I think that worked better than secular.

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Speaker 1: So we'll take the we'll take the win there. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: this is such a sidebar. But the other day the

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Speaker 1: world was saute and I didn't know that that's how

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Speaker 1: you spelled saute. And I was like, I don't know

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Speaker 1: what word this is. I'm like what satan or like whatever.

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Speaker 1: So I was like, what's out Google day? And I

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Speaker 1: was like, oh, okay, I saute. There's no accent over

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Speaker 1: the screwed me Anyways, back to our mojo, there's not

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Speaker 1: really much left to say. Well, the photo shoot, so okay,

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Speaker 1: so we set a day in the calendar for me

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Speaker 1: to basically get physicalist us, for us to get physically

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Speaker 1: confident for a sexy photo shoot. Yeah, would you take

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Speaker 1: each other's photos? Is that the idea? Or we could

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Speaker 1: hire somebody. I have friends that could do it, would

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Speaker 1: do it, or each other's whatever you're more comfortable. What

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Speaker 1: friends do you have that would do that? His name's Joel,

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Speaker 1: his Flashpoint photography if you want amazing. But something about

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Speaker 1: a stranger that I don't know, well, watching me in

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Speaker 1: lingerie or gyms on my boobs is not really tasteful.

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Speaker 1: They're not gonna be trashy. No, no, no, I totally

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Speaker 1: believe so that my mind went to Joel because he's

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Speaker 1: really good. He took the cutest photos of sunny um,

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Speaker 1: very similar subjects. But yes, or we could hire like

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Speaker 1: uh yeah Joel, okay, each other yea camera that's true

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Speaker 1: need to get and like us do we I mean

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Speaker 1: us taking them together would be weird, so like we

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Speaker 1: don't yea, yeah, yeah, yeah, we're just like yeah, okay,

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Speaker 1: can you patch it? Tony would be like trying to

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Speaker 1: hug me and stop having like Tanya, it's just not

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Speaker 1: the time I got. No, wait, do we like that idea?

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Speaker 1: You have to commit? We're if you commit to this,

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Speaker 1: like we're committing to it. So like, regardless of how

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Speaker 1: I feel on the day, whether I put in the

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Speaker 1: work or not in the work, I'm know, I'm saying

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Speaker 1: this is to hold me accountable. So like, no matter what,

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Speaker 1: I have to take the photos May one. I think

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Speaker 1: May first is good because it's like basically here, Okay,

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Speaker 1: it's forty days. That's good. Okay, that's forty days one,

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Speaker 1: And whether I put in the work or not, I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna be taking sexy photos. Okay, are you committing to it? Yes,

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Speaker 1: I'm committing it to my calendar. I just make sure first,

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Speaker 1: let's just make sure my first isn't my at Tuesday

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Speaker 1: or something. Do what else? Is like complicated? Sometimes I

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Speaker 1: don't know if you guys feel this. You know, I

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Speaker 1: don't know if men feel this as much as women.

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Speaker 1: You can chime in and I don't even know if

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Speaker 1: you feel this, But do you ever feel the like

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Speaker 1: pressure and thank you so much? Not you just just say, um,

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Speaker 1: the pressure of getting older and navigating that fine line

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Speaker 1: between like it's such a privilege to grow old and

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Speaker 1: get older and also the stress and pressures to stay

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Speaker 1: relevant and young. Um okay, So I don't feel that

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Speaker 1: the pressure to stay young. I don't care. I like

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Speaker 1: my agent. I'm happy to get older. Number of the

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Speaker 1: age I'm talking about, like just like the physical at

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Speaker 1: all the things that that we associate with being young. Yeah, no,

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Speaker 1: But what I do feel the pressure of is the

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Speaker 1: number and then like my eggs okay there fertility correct,

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Speaker 1: So that that's where that's like the stress of aging

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Speaker 1: for you. Yeah, mine's more like vanity, Like it's like,

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Speaker 1: but you still look like you did like when you

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Speaker 1: were twenty. I think, No, no, I don't feel that way,

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Speaker 1: which it doesn't bother me necessarily, but I think there's

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Speaker 1: like when you go on when you're constantly on social

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Speaker 1: media and scrolling, and like you're constantly feeling like you're

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Speaker 1: trying to keep up with these like youth, there's like this,

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Speaker 1: but then I don't want to be that person who's

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Speaker 1: trying too hard. You know. It's like such a weird balance.

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Speaker 1: And I saw this TikTok of this woman talking about it.

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Speaker 1: She was like doing your skincare routine and stuff, and

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Speaker 1: she's just talking to the camera and she's like, no

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Speaker 1: one talks about this because we always try to celebrate

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Speaker 1: getting older. And she's like, it is such a privilege

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Speaker 1: to go old, but it is so hard sometimes to

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Speaker 1: navigate accepting that, and also what societal pressures are with

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Speaker 1: women getting older, right, Like, if you're going to take

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Speaker 1: a photo and a bathing suit, like on a beach,

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Speaker 1: drinking like a pineapple out of a straw with like

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Speaker 1: your craw chout, would you feel weird about that? I

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Speaker 1: think at any age, I feel weird about that. But

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Speaker 1: I get what you're saying, Like, but also just like

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Speaker 1: the there's this constant feeling of like straddling that line

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Speaker 1: of being aging gracefully and also like not letting yourself

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Speaker 1: go whatever that means in your life or how you

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Speaker 1: interpret that, but also being gracious about it. I don't know,

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Speaker 1: it's it's like, it's how you feel, do you know

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Speaker 1: what I mean? Like you could be forty five and

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Speaker 1: feel twenty five and be like at the clubs and

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Speaker 1: like who cares, that's what you want to do? Well,

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Speaker 1: I do not feel twenty five. Well, then that's fine.

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Speaker 1: You don't have to let cloves of one time feel

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Speaker 1: twenty five. But I'm like all this traveling and like drinking,

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Speaker 1: which I haven't even drink that much, but like I

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Speaker 1: feel like it's you know, you're like trying to party

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Speaker 1: with the kids. The young kids can't keep up anymore,

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Speaker 1: you know, are you okay? Like do we need to

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Speaker 1: like have an intervention with Becca about aging? I like,

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Speaker 1: you're three, I'm so sorry, that's okay, But it's not

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Speaker 1: so much about the number of third Like I don't

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Speaker 1: really feel the pressure of like society expectations where it

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Speaker 1: comes like marriage and having kids. Like I don't really

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Speaker 1: feel what you're feeling. Yeah, I'm kind of like, you know,

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Speaker 1: if I got them, I got them the eggs, the eggs, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I mean that. Yeah, but just in general, like more

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Speaker 1: from a standpoint of men, do y'all deal with this

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Speaker 1: at all? Men? Men um not in the same way.

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Speaker 1: That's why I wasn't really weighing in, because I feel

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Speaker 1: like women have it harder and differently than men do. Also,

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Speaker 1: I've never been relevant, Even when I was twenty, I

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Speaker 1: was not particularly relevant but relevant and interesting word choice.

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Speaker 1: I've never been a party. I've never been a fashion person.

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Speaker 1: I've never been trendy in any way by by anyone

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Speaker 1: described that way. But I will say I love my

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Speaker 1: job for the reason that it keeps me filed into

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Speaker 1: what's going on in music and movies and television. And

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Speaker 1: I have my daughters and that keeps me kind of

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Speaker 1: cool with them a little bit. And they teach me stuff,

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Speaker 1: and I teach them stuff like, hey, this is happening,

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Speaker 1: like oh, this is big right now. And I showed

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Speaker 1: them mortal for the first time, and they teach me

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Speaker 1: phrases like busting and stuff like that. And then between

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Speaker 1: my job and my daughters, I stay dialed into all

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Speaker 1: that stuff, so I don't feel like I'm a hundred

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Speaker 1: years old, you know, and that and I like that.

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Speaker 1: I think that's great. I think that's a great balance

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Speaker 1: to have. YEA, Mark is the male ideal for me

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Speaker 1: in terms of, you know, Mark's not ancient by any means,

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Speaker 1: but like, you're quite a bit older than me, and uh,

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Speaker 1: I fantasize about being like Mark when I'm that age

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Speaker 1: because because he's not like riding by, like on a skateboard,

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Speaker 1: going like, hey, let's see, you know, but but he's

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Speaker 1: so dialed he's much more dialed in than I am.

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Speaker 1: And uh, he's very like but but not like in

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Speaker 1: a weird, like try hardy way. It's just it feels

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Speaker 1: very sincere and and normal and like, oh, you're just

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Speaker 1: a cool dude. Uh, don't with a with a out

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Speaker 1: of interest. And that's something that I aspired to. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: like the other day, and I can't remember. I wish

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Speaker 1: I could remember what the phrase was. But one of

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Speaker 1: my daughters said some young phrase to me, and I

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Speaker 1: said the appropriate thing back, and her friend said to her, Oh,

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Speaker 1: my god, my dad would have no idea what that means. Yes, yes, victory, victory. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: that's what I want. I think that's the line of

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Speaker 1: not trying too hard. But also there's this part of

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Speaker 1: me that's like celebrate aging, like the things that come naturally,

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Speaker 1: the aging. And then there's the parts that's like do

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Speaker 1: what you want, like what makes you feel good, And

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Speaker 1: it's this like battles. So I've been trying to convince

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Speaker 1: Red Star to wear bagg ear clothes, like I send

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Speaker 1: him pictures of Justin Bieber all the time, and I'm like,

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Speaker 1: baggy clothes are cool, like tight jeans for men, Like,

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Speaker 1: aren't it anymore? Right? So I've been like doing this

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Speaker 1: for a while. And we were at this store. We

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Speaker 1: were like it's like an at leisure store, and he

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Speaker 1: found this like sweatsuit that he really liked. It was

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Speaker 1: like just a baggy hoodie and like baggy sweats and

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Speaker 1: he was like he tried it on. He was just like,

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Speaker 1: this is the most comfortable thing I've ever put on.

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Speaker 1: He bought it right then and there in the store

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Speaker 1: and walked dot with it, like cut the tags off

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Speaker 1: at the front and like blocked out. But these pants

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Speaker 1: are like flood pants, like there and he's always there's

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Speaker 1: tight pants. Is so jarring for me to see, Like,

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Speaker 1: I want to ask me if I can post the

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Speaker 1: video that I took on the Facebook group because it's

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Speaker 1: so funny because it's just so not him. But he's

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Speaker 1: so happy because they're so comfortable. But he was just like,

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Speaker 1: I'm a forty three year old attorney, Like I can't

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Speaker 1: be walking around and like you know what I mean.

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Speaker 1: But I was like, yes, you can, because you're not.

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Speaker 1: You're like young and hip and cool. Yeah, well, there's

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Speaker 1: nothing wrong with embracing being a forty three year old

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Speaker 1: attorney right right, right, were tight pants? Always see his

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Speaker 1: bat crack when I'm always like Robbie, I see you're

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Speaker 1: I've seen too much of you. I've seen too much.

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Speaker 1: It's kind of like his signature. I like it though, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: of course he did. Is his signature? Yea, his hands

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Speaker 1: in his butt crack the signature. Yeah, um yeah. But anyways,

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Speaker 1: thanks for letting me go on that, right, that's really

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Speaker 1: all I have to say. Well, no, I think it's

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Speaker 1: important that you feel safe in this space to do that,

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Speaker 1: because where else can you do it? You know? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: where else can I vulnerably share my insecurities. But I

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Speaker 1: do hope that people relate to this because if not,

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Speaker 1: then what's the point of vulnerability, you know, connecting with people? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: but I think it also frees you a little bit.

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Speaker 1: They're safe, safe nons thoughts of public space the whole point,

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Speaker 1: because the whole point of being vulnerable and sharing things

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Speaker 1: is too relate to people who follow you. And when

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Speaker 1: I said relevant, I meant like, when I first came

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Speaker 1: off The Bachelor, I was more relevant because there was

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Speaker 1: that was the fresh season, you know. Now it's like

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Speaker 1: that's the way in my past and it's kind of like,

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Speaker 1: you know, that's what I meant my relevancy, just to

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Speaker 1: clear that up, thinking I've been relevant my whole But

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Speaker 1: then we had an award winning People's Choice Award winning

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Speaker 1: podcasts were not anymore. It's just like it's just hit

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Speaker 1: after hit after him. I get. But I'm in it too, girl,

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Speaker 1: it's in my head too. Let me tell you all

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Speaker 1: the stones on my body right now. Anyways, we're doing

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Speaker 1: great over here. That's really your favorite podcast worth driving

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Speaker 1: driving never been better. Are flying like the butterflies in

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Speaker 1: the air, you know, just really doing good. Wait, Tanya,

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Speaker 1: I have a stone that I that I rubbed for

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Speaker 1: for good vibes. Can I share that with the with

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Speaker 1: the group? It's it's um so you know, it's funny.

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Speaker 1: It's a black opal, which if you've seen Uncut Gems,

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Speaker 1: is the stone he hasn't. Allison got this for me.

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Speaker 1: It's a smaller one, but she got this black opal

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Speaker 1: for me for Valentine's Day. And if you hold it

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Speaker 1: outside you can see like right through it and it

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Speaker 1: like really shows you the colors of the universe. Uh.

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Speaker 1: And she gave it to me and she was like,

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Speaker 1: this was a pain in the asked to get and

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Speaker 1: and uh, you know, there's some legality issues there, but

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Speaker 1: I do hold onto this thing. It gives me good vibes.

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Speaker 1: And uh, you know, I get the stone thing now, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: the stone things. They're so beautiful too. I love our

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Speaker 1: stals and stones. But like so is a lot of things.

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Speaker 1: What so is a lot of things? What things are beautiful?

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Speaker 1: But this has power, you know what. Let's let's take

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Speaker 1: this back. Crystals are cut from ugly what appears to

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Speaker 1: be ugly rocks, just rocks. You would never look at

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Speaker 1: them and think they're beautiful, and then you cut into

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Speaker 1: them and you clean them, you cleanse them, you purify them,

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Speaker 1: and they are some of the most beautiful sites you

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Speaker 1: can see. And that's how we are as humans. Oh,

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Speaker 1: here we go, preach sister. Look at someone and you

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Speaker 1: don't see their beauty, You don't see their instant beauty.

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Speaker 1: Maybe they're getting older, maybe they're not feeling themselves. But

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Speaker 1: when you get to know them, and you could see

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Speaker 1: the most beautiful person you've ever seen in your entire life.

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Speaker 1: Preach sister, Wait do you want it's so funny? I

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Speaker 1: had this exact same, like weird epiphany today in the

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Speaker 1: parking garage and I was leaving the station the all

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Speaker 1: the actually took an Instagram video and in posts, I

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Speaker 1: was like, what the hell? Uh? All the lights were

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Speaker 1: out in the parking structure and so it was like

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Speaker 1: really scary walking to my car because it was like

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Speaker 1: all the lights were out, and I was like, Wow,

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Speaker 1: light is such an important thing in life. Like I'm

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Speaker 1: sitting here walking through the darkness of this parking garage

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Speaker 1: and I did I didn't know where I was going.

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Speaker 1: I had to like, I had to think. God, I

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Speaker 1: had my phone and I had the flashlight, which is

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Speaker 1: light and how important light is and how light beats

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Speaker 1: the dark. And I'm having this whole like epiphany in

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Speaker 1: the parking garage. I'm not talking to my phone, am I. Okay?

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Speaker 1: That's good. I mean light is It's vital and the

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Speaker 1: darkness is vital too, because we have to sleep to rest. No,

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Speaker 1: I don't consider sleep darkness. I considered sleep pretty light

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Speaker 1: too brings me joy. Okay, well, we switched gears to

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Speaker 1: literal and figurative, but um oh, this isn't I have

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Speaker 1: another conversation starter that I would like for all of

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Speaker 1: us to weigh in on. We're gonna take a break

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Speaker 1: and we'll be right back. Oh wait, I have something

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00:21:12,359 --> 00:21:15,000
Speaker 1: funny to tell you too. Okay, after the break, telling

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Speaker 1: me a thing. Okay, we're back, so mine. I don't

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Speaker 1: know if this will be a conversation. Sometimes I start

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Speaker 1: a conversation, you just stare at me, and then I

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00:21:38,240 --> 00:21:40,920
Speaker 1: feel like I'm doing a monologue for a minute. So

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Speaker 1: do you want to tell your story first or do

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00:21:43,320 --> 00:21:47,359
Speaker 1: I try to engage you in a conversation. Depends on

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Speaker 1: what it's about. So, but I'm happy to go either

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Speaker 1: before or after whatever. My story is short. Okay, do

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Speaker 1: you start your story? So I was watching Gray's Anatomy

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Speaker 1: with Red Star. Weird weird episode this week, super weird,

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Speaker 1: So don't worry. I don't even think we should get it.

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Speaker 1: I don't even know if we want to get into

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00:22:06,760 --> 00:22:09,360
Speaker 1: it because it was weird. But anyway, So the episode

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Speaker 1: ends and I leave the room to go take Sunny

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Speaker 1: to the bathroom and she she was just being a

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Speaker 1: hella baloo in the backyard because of the wind. She

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Speaker 1: didn't want to go to the bathroom. So I was

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Speaker 1: like down there with her for a while, right, like

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Speaker 1: not just like two minutes I was down there for

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Speaker 1: at least like ten fifteen minutes. So I come back

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Speaker 1: up and I get back in bed, and he looks

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Speaker 1: at me and he's like, what's the name of that

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00:22:28,040 --> 00:22:31,760
Speaker 1: show that's on after? That is on after Gray's Anatomy?

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Speaker 1: And I was like Station nineteen. He's like, yeah, should

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Speaker 1: we watch that? I was like, for six seasons, I've

421
00:22:41,880 --> 00:22:44,800
Speaker 1: been fighting this freaking show. And because he was like,

422
00:22:45,240 --> 00:22:47,080
Speaker 1: I like looked at him like he just said something

423
00:22:47,119 --> 00:22:49,360
Speaker 1: really wrong, and he was like, what what What's wrong

424
00:22:49,400 --> 00:22:50,920
Speaker 1: with this show? And I was like, they have been

425
00:22:51,000 --> 00:22:53,760
Speaker 1: trying to get me, as a Gray's Anatomy fan to

426
00:22:53,880 --> 00:22:57,920
Speaker 1: watch this stinkin show for six years. They do crossover episodes.

427
00:22:58,280 --> 00:23:01,199
Speaker 1: The finale episode is across so Ober episode, and I

428
00:23:01,280 --> 00:23:04,159
Speaker 1: refuse out of principle, I'm not watching your show that

429
00:23:04,200 --> 00:23:06,280
Speaker 1: you're forcing me to watch because you think I'm gonna

430
00:23:06,320 --> 00:23:09,560
Speaker 1: like it because I like raising out of me. He's like, well,

431
00:23:09,560 --> 00:23:11,439
Speaker 1: it looks good that people are like, you know, it

432
00:23:11,440 --> 00:23:14,280
Speaker 1: looks good, and I was like, I get your point,

433
00:23:14,359 --> 00:23:18,000
Speaker 1: inter frustration, but I don't really understand why both of

434
00:23:18,080 --> 00:23:21,440
Speaker 1: y'all are so against its principal Station nineteam because it's

435
00:23:21,480 --> 00:23:23,880
Speaker 1: like it is. We got that on the Facebook group

436
00:23:23,880 --> 00:23:25,320
Speaker 1: a lot, like, you guys should really give that show

437
00:23:25,320 --> 00:23:27,320
Speaker 1: a chance. It's really good. I'm sure it is. By

438
00:23:27,320 --> 00:23:29,439
Speaker 1: the way, I'm sure that's a fine show. Let me

439
00:23:29,480 --> 00:23:31,840
Speaker 1: discover that on my own, you know, like, let me

440
00:23:31,840 --> 00:23:33,359
Speaker 1: do it to my own. Do not force feed it

441
00:23:33,400 --> 00:23:35,440
Speaker 1: down my throat, because you know what happens when somebody

442
00:23:35,440 --> 00:23:37,479
Speaker 1: forced me to do something you don't want to do it.

443
00:23:37,600 --> 00:23:41,320
Speaker 1: No modern women, I make my own choices, you know,

444
00:23:42,359 --> 00:23:46,240
Speaker 1: and this is how we are. Okay. So anyways, I

445
00:23:46,320 --> 00:23:47,680
Speaker 1: thought it was really funny because I was like, after

446
00:23:47,760 --> 00:23:50,159
Speaker 1: sixty years of fighting it, I might have to watch it,

447
00:23:50,200 --> 00:23:53,120
Speaker 1: but I really hope that happens for you and him.

448
00:23:53,160 --> 00:23:55,399
Speaker 1: I'm not even a posed. I mean once I have

449
00:23:55,520 --> 00:23:57,960
Speaker 1: like some downtime where I'm sitting at home, like it

450
00:23:58,000 --> 00:24:01,000
Speaker 1: definitely happens where I'm like, what do I do today?

451
00:24:01,880 --> 00:24:04,240
Speaker 1: Starting station night teing feels like it could be productive.

452
00:24:04,280 --> 00:24:06,520
Speaker 1: We just finished Love Violence season three and I went

453
00:24:06,560 --> 00:24:08,480
Speaker 1: on Instagram to see if all the couples in the

454
00:24:08,480 --> 00:24:10,680
Speaker 1: final four still together, and not one of them is

455
00:24:10,680 --> 00:24:15,160
Speaker 1: still together, and I'm he doesn't believe in love anymore.

456
00:24:15,200 --> 00:24:20,560
Speaker 1: You guys, didn't hurt me, So okay, Well my conversation

457
00:24:20,960 --> 00:24:25,480
Speaker 1: is not related to this at all. But I'm curious,

458
00:24:25,520 --> 00:24:33,200
Speaker 1: how do you differentiate your gut feelings intuition versus paranoia.

459
00:24:33,560 --> 00:24:36,639
Speaker 1: Give me an example, Like, that's a good question because

460
00:24:36,920 --> 00:24:40,000
Speaker 1: I find that my gut feel like I'm telling you

461
00:24:41,000 --> 00:24:46,080
Speaker 1: paranoia where you're like making up things in your head,

462
00:24:46,119 --> 00:24:49,000
Speaker 1: I guess, and convincing yourself that it's real. But it's

463
00:24:49,680 --> 00:24:52,280
Speaker 1: it's not. You know, you don't have any like basis

464
00:24:52,320 --> 00:24:55,359
Speaker 1: on it. You're just like paranoid that is happening. And

465
00:24:55,400 --> 00:25:00,520
Speaker 1: then your intuitions similar in a way. Um. So for example,

466
00:25:00,600 --> 00:25:03,159
Speaker 1: like if I'm watching this is a dumb example, but

467
00:25:03,320 --> 00:25:06,600
Speaker 1: when I watched The Bachelor, any reality TV show, I

468
00:25:06,640 --> 00:25:11,000
Speaker 1: can immediately spot who, like I have an intuition about

469
00:25:11,000 --> 00:25:14,960
Speaker 1: who is like gonna be good or like the villain

470
00:25:15,040 --> 00:25:18,200
Speaker 1: or whatever. So with people have a really good intuition.

471
00:25:19,160 --> 00:25:26,120
Speaker 1: So then paranoia is like me having this man mental

472
00:25:27,080 --> 00:25:34,000
Speaker 1: breakdown that was like cheating on me. It just happened.

473
00:25:34,520 --> 00:25:37,960
Speaker 1: This is real ninety not even cheating on me, like

474
00:25:38,000 --> 00:25:40,160
Speaker 1: talking to someone else like behind my bag. I guess

475
00:25:40,200 --> 00:25:43,560
Speaker 1: it's a form of cheating and then playing Um, dirty

476
00:25:43,600 --> 00:25:47,479
Speaker 1: Little Secret when I gave the ox cord over and

477
00:25:47,520 --> 00:25:50,359
Speaker 1: then that was the first song played, and I was like,

478
00:25:52,440 --> 00:26:01,119
Speaker 1: I'm wrong, and like, are you mentally okay? And I

479
00:26:01,240 --> 00:26:05,840
Speaker 1: was like, I have a really good intuition. And and

480
00:26:05,840 --> 00:26:10,960
Speaker 1: in the conversation when South after that, did you have

481
00:26:11,000 --> 00:26:14,440
Speaker 1: any nothing? Nothing, just just a feeling. I've just been

482
00:26:14,520 --> 00:26:19,119
Speaker 1: feeling a little insecure. But this goes ties in with

483
00:26:19,160 --> 00:26:22,400
Speaker 1: your mojo, your lack of Yes, this actually ties back

484
00:26:22,400 --> 00:26:26,600
Speaker 1: to the sea exactly. Yeah, but I gotta tell you something.

485
00:26:27,880 --> 00:26:32,200
Speaker 1: If you you're like, that's like, okay, that's like me

486
00:26:32,240 --> 00:26:35,399
Speaker 1: saying I think I'm gonna get married tomorrow. Okay, this

487
00:26:35,480 --> 00:26:37,639
Speaker 1: is weird. Let me know. I'm trying to think of

488
00:26:37,640 --> 00:26:43,600
Speaker 1: a comparison. Let me just let me just get there. Okay,

489
00:26:44,040 --> 00:26:48,639
Speaker 1: let's let her get there. Getting there is half the fun.

490
00:26:51,000 --> 00:26:53,920
Speaker 1: Give me. That's like me, Okay, that's like me going

491
00:26:54,000 --> 00:26:58,440
Speaker 1: for a job. Right, Yes, I'm interviewing for this job.

492
00:26:58,600 --> 00:27:00,960
Speaker 1: I'm like, really, just like they want this job. I've

493
00:27:00,960 --> 00:27:02,880
Speaker 1: been praying for this job. It falls into my lap.

494
00:27:03,000 --> 00:27:05,920
Speaker 1: And then I'm thinking about this job and I get

495
00:27:05,920 --> 00:27:09,080
Speaker 1: in my car and I hear, you got it, you

496
00:27:09,160 --> 00:27:15,280
Speaker 1: got it, you got it bad, that's your song or whatever. Okay, Okay,

497
00:27:15,400 --> 00:27:17,080
Speaker 1: you got it. You got it so off key, but

498
00:27:17,119 --> 00:27:20,480
Speaker 1: I got you. I would all I would think. I

499
00:27:20,480 --> 00:27:22,480
Speaker 1: would take that as a sign I got the job,

500
00:27:22,520 --> 00:27:24,280
Speaker 1: like you got it, you got it if I was

501
00:27:24,480 --> 00:27:27,280
Speaker 1: really thinking about it. So I feel like there's something

502
00:27:27,359 --> 00:27:31,600
Speaker 1: where you're having these thoughts about conversations happening behind your back,

503
00:27:32,000 --> 00:27:34,160
Speaker 1: and then the song comes on, His Dirty Little Secret

504
00:27:34,720 --> 00:27:38,520
Speaker 1: that to me feels like a sign not to be

505
00:27:38,600 --> 00:27:42,760
Speaker 1: more paranoid. To you, Oh, so you're confirming my paranoia.

506
00:27:42,840 --> 00:27:45,879
Speaker 1: I believe in signs. Okay, So that's where my whole

507
00:27:46,080 --> 00:27:49,480
Speaker 1: my whole question is where where's the line between paranoia

508
00:27:49,600 --> 00:27:55,080
Speaker 1: and to be honest, I thought you were going in

509
00:27:55,119 --> 00:27:59,119
Speaker 1: a different direction, so now I will be spiraling for

510
00:27:59,280 --> 00:28:02,080
Speaker 1: the foreseeable future. But you already did it. So here's

511
00:28:02,080 --> 00:28:04,520
Speaker 1: the thing. You already shared your paranoia and it was

512
00:28:04,560 --> 00:28:07,720
Speaker 1: shot down by nine, So now you have to take

513
00:28:08,119 --> 00:28:13,040
Speaker 1: their word for after after expressing my paranoia and response,

514
00:28:13,119 --> 00:28:16,479
Speaker 1: I really this is those thoughts are gone, but it

515
00:28:16,520 --> 00:28:20,000
Speaker 1: did breathe the question of where is the fine line

516
00:28:20,000 --> 00:28:22,320
Speaker 1: between if you really feel like you have a good

517
00:28:22,359 --> 00:28:26,040
Speaker 1: intuition and gut feeling you really trust your guy, Then

518
00:28:26,200 --> 00:28:28,480
Speaker 1: where do you draw the line of what paranoia feels like?

519
00:28:28,600 --> 00:28:33,640
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. I'm not to discount signs

520
00:28:34,119 --> 00:28:36,639
Speaker 1: from that may manifest in different places, but I do

521
00:28:36,720 --> 00:28:39,280
Speaker 1: think watch out watch would you say, man, I'm sorry.

522
00:28:39,400 --> 00:28:41,400
Speaker 1: I mean I like that kind of thing too, but

523
00:28:41,400 --> 00:28:44,240
Speaker 1: but I think that paranoia starts to rear it's ugly

524
00:28:44,320 --> 00:28:48,200
Speaker 1: head once you're doing there's a confirmation bias name for this.

525
00:28:48,280 --> 00:28:51,000
Speaker 1: But like when you're looking for things and kind of

526
00:28:51,080 --> 00:28:55,480
Speaker 1: cherry picking details to confirm what you're suspecting versus intuition

527
00:28:55,560 --> 00:29:00,000
Speaker 1: is just an inexplicable feeling that may not have any evidence.

528
00:29:00,000 --> 00:29:02,000
Speaker 1: It's like, I don't think it's like, oh, a bird

529
00:29:02,040 --> 00:29:04,800
Speaker 1: flew over me, therefore my mother is going to be

530
00:29:04,800 --> 00:29:06,760
Speaker 1: in a car accident. Like It's nothing like that. It's

531
00:29:06,760 --> 00:29:08,720
Speaker 1: just like I have a feeling something bad is happening.

532
00:29:09,920 --> 00:29:12,680
Speaker 1: Allison has a really strong intuition and she's always right,

533
00:29:12,720 --> 00:29:14,920
Speaker 1: so I am I always whenever she's like, I think

534
00:29:14,960 --> 00:29:17,920
Speaker 1: something speciy about this, I always trust her because she's

535
00:29:17,960 --> 00:29:20,160
Speaker 1: good that way, and it's just been proven to me

536
00:29:20,200 --> 00:29:23,320
Speaker 1: too many times. Um, But she's not like, you know,

537
00:29:23,360 --> 00:29:28,160
Speaker 1: what the there's this this restaurant checkerboard table clause. I think,

538
00:29:28,280 --> 00:29:30,040
Speaker 1: um something, you know, a car is about to run

539
00:29:30,040 --> 00:29:32,400
Speaker 1: through the door, Like, there's nothing like that. I think

540
00:29:32,440 --> 00:29:36,440
Speaker 1: that stretched, wouldn't you say? I mean, someone could say

541
00:29:36,440 --> 00:29:38,600
Speaker 1: that about I'm sure saying you got it bad and

542
00:29:38,680 --> 00:29:43,240
Speaker 1: I got it. I think I was trying to think

543
00:29:43,240 --> 00:29:45,080
Speaker 1: of about her song, so forgive me, but it was like,

544
00:29:45,520 --> 00:29:50,080
Speaker 1: it's not the song and that song is not the issue, okay,

545
00:29:49,560 --> 00:29:54,719
Speaker 1: away saying that's what I think. Intuition is a feeling,

546
00:29:54,760 --> 00:29:57,160
Speaker 1: and then paranoia is where you're like looking for specific

547
00:29:57,200 --> 00:30:00,719
Speaker 1: details to confirm that's whatever you need to know. The

548
00:30:00,720 --> 00:30:03,080
Speaker 1: difference between your gut and paranoia, because I do think

549
00:30:03,080 --> 00:30:08,520
Speaker 1: they are separate things. Me too, but we're coming about them.

550
00:30:08,680 --> 00:30:12,600
Speaker 1: You're they feel the same essentially. They can do something

551
00:30:12,680 --> 00:30:14,760
Speaker 1: like that like you're being cheated on. They can definitely

552
00:30:14,760 --> 00:30:16,800
Speaker 1: feel like the same thing. Yeah, I do like the

553
00:30:16,920 --> 00:30:19,440
Speaker 1: I do like the part about like when you're searching

554
00:30:19,520 --> 00:30:23,120
Speaker 1: for things to prove the paranoia that's when it doesn't

555
00:30:23,160 --> 00:30:26,280
Speaker 1: feel is like a peaceful intuition. It's a little more

556
00:30:26,320 --> 00:30:31,400
Speaker 1: like I'm forcing this. Okay, did that help you? You didn't,

557
00:30:31,480 --> 00:30:34,560
Speaker 1: But Eastern and Martin did I think East can have

558
00:30:34,720 --> 00:30:37,560
Speaker 1: this one? Tanya did zero help And now I feel

559
00:30:37,560 --> 00:30:43,600
Speaker 1: like I just emailed into the podcasting on advice but anyways,

560
00:30:43,600 --> 00:30:46,200
Speaker 1: my phone want to stop shop. Ladies and gentlemen, don't

561
00:30:46,240 --> 00:30:50,360
Speaker 1: you worry. I got you covered. But jokes aside, even

562
00:30:50,440 --> 00:30:54,000
Speaker 1: Tanya's analogy, I still I don't feel that way. I

563
00:30:54,080 --> 00:30:57,160
Speaker 1: just it did make me think, like it made me

564
00:30:57,280 --> 00:31:01,440
Speaker 1: question my intuition because it was like, WHOA, how do

565
00:31:01,480 --> 00:31:04,560
Speaker 1: you know the difference between paranoia and intuition. It's got

566
00:31:04,560 --> 00:31:08,479
Speaker 1: a conversation starter. Maybe people can start talking about it

567
00:31:08,520 --> 00:31:10,800
Speaker 1: on the Facebook group or something, or message me about it,

568
00:31:10,840 --> 00:31:13,160
Speaker 1: because no one ever messages no, I'm just kidding. People

569
00:31:13,160 --> 00:31:16,040
Speaker 1: do message me, And you know, I had some really

570
00:31:16,040 --> 00:31:19,880
Speaker 1: thoughtful conversations this past week, um about our podcast last

571
00:31:19,920 --> 00:31:22,440
Speaker 1: week with Colton, I had like really good dialogue. And

572
00:31:22,480 --> 00:31:26,560
Speaker 1: I find that those conversations, even though like if people

573
00:31:26,600 --> 00:31:28,600
Speaker 1: write me and they're like disappointed or want to talk

574
00:31:28,640 --> 00:31:31,920
Speaker 1: about something or have questions about a choice that we

575
00:31:32,040 --> 00:31:34,200
Speaker 1: made our guests that we had on the podcast, I

576
00:31:34,240 --> 00:31:38,600
Speaker 1: feel so much more, Um. I feel the conversations are

577
00:31:38,640 --> 00:31:41,160
Speaker 1: so much more productive and respectful. When they're one on

578
00:31:41,160 --> 00:31:45,479
Speaker 1: one like that versus um, you know, like a mass

579
00:31:46,640 --> 00:31:50,560
Speaker 1: conversation starter on Instagram or Facebook or whatever it is.

580
00:31:50,600 --> 00:31:52,400
Speaker 1: And so I really to those who wrote me and

581
00:31:52,440 --> 00:31:56,040
Speaker 1: had like respectable conversations. I do appreciate that because I

582
00:31:56,040 --> 00:31:59,600
Speaker 1: think that's very important to recognize that. UM, A lot

583
00:31:59,600 --> 00:32:02,320
Speaker 1: of times social media, we're taking in a lot of information.

584
00:32:03,040 --> 00:32:06,360
Speaker 1: One person's opinion feels a bigger reaction, and then a

585
00:32:06,360 --> 00:32:08,720
Speaker 1: bigger reaction, and then it gets to where you can't

586
00:32:08,720 --> 00:32:13,040
Speaker 1: even converse with people. So I love those dialogues between people,

587
00:32:13,080 --> 00:32:14,840
Speaker 1: even if we don't agree, Like even if it kind

588
00:32:14,880 --> 00:32:17,840
Speaker 1: of ends and it's like, you know, we didn't get

589
00:32:17,840 --> 00:32:23,160
Speaker 1: to like an agreement. I do appreciate like dialogue helps

590
00:32:23,200 --> 00:32:27,480
Speaker 1: me grow, helps you grow. Love that. I love that

591
00:32:27,520 --> 00:32:33,880
Speaker 1: about you. Thank you. There's a lot of therapy, don't

592
00:32:34,000 --> 00:32:40,920
Speaker 1: I know it? Um. I think we should be getting

593
00:32:40,960 --> 00:32:43,800
Speaker 1: to email soon, is that right? I think we do

594
00:32:43,800 --> 00:32:49,480
Speaker 1: a little diddy? What's that an email? Oh diddy? Okay,

595
00:32:49,520 --> 00:32:51,360
Speaker 1: we're gonna take a break and we'll be back with emails.

596
00:33:06,080 --> 00:33:07,960
Speaker 1: All right, you guys, we're back and we are actually

597
00:33:07,960 --> 00:33:10,760
Speaker 1: going to do two emails today. It's your lucky day

598
00:33:10,800 --> 00:33:13,520
Speaker 1: because obviously we are in the mood to give advice

599
00:33:13,640 --> 00:33:18,720
Speaker 1: and good sound advice might be rocky today, but it's

600
00:33:18,760 --> 00:33:22,760
Speaker 1: fine brand and we get to prescribe a Taylor Swift song. Yeah, okay, alright, Mark,

601
00:33:25,520 --> 00:33:27,440
Speaker 1: whatever you want. I don't think you name it, you

602
00:33:27,440 --> 00:33:30,080
Speaker 1: tell me. I think maybe like once every other month,

603
00:33:31,000 --> 00:33:33,520
Speaker 1: because you hann schedule it, Hana, can you just decide

604
00:33:33,560 --> 00:33:35,400
Speaker 1: with Yeah. I don't want to overkill. I don't want

605
00:33:35,400 --> 00:33:37,280
Speaker 1: it to be like you know too much. But it

606
00:33:37,320 --> 00:33:40,320
Speaker 1: was fun. It was one. Some listeners were turned off

607
00:33:40,320 --> 00:33:43,920
Speaker 1: by how competitive you two got. Really are we competitive?

608
00:33:44,000 --> 00:33:46,560
Speaker 1: That day? They didn't like that side of you, especially Tanya.

609
00:33:47,040 --> 00:33:51,080
Speaker 1: Really Yeah, I saw some feedback on Wait what are they?

610
00:33:51,080 --> 00:33:54,560
Speaker 1: Where is the feedback? I think it's the Facebook group

611
00:33:55,640 --> 00:33:57,200
Speaker 1: because they talked about family food and they tag me

612
00:33:57,320 --> 00:34:00,480
Speaker 1: and then they'd say, like Tanya was really you know,

613
00:34:00,520 --> 00:34:05,800
Speaker 1: the Facebook group can either bring you way up. That's

614
00:34:06,880 --> 00:34:10,400
Speaker 1: the real truth about the Facebook group. And we love it.

615
00:34:10,520 --> 00:34:14,879
Speaker 1: We love opinions, we love conversations about my God. If

616
00:34:14,920 --> 00:34:17,880
Speaker 1: I'm going through it, I do not get on Facebook. Yeah,

617
00:34:17,920 --> 00:34:20,360
Speaker 1: it's true. It's funny because I always say I'm not competitive,

618
00:34:20,400 --> 00:34:22,080
Speaker 1: and then like last week, I got into a huge

619
00:34:22,080 --> 00:34:24,479
Speaker 1: fight with Red Star over like the better apple. Yeah,

620
00:34:24,520 --> 00:34:28,399
Speaker 1: you're like weirdly competitive, You're you're competitive and things that

621
00:34:28,480 --> 00:34:32,680
Speaker 1: aren't so silly standard Yeah, the better apple. Yeah, I

622
00:34:32,719 --> 00:34:35,680
Speaker 1: like I like fujie apples and he likes honey crisp

623
00:34:36,160 --> 00:34:40,520
Speaker 1: and all the time. You should break up now. There's

624
00:34:40,560 --> 00:34:42,880
Speaker 1: no future, I know, but it's really funny because he

625
00:34:42,960 --> 00:34:44,880
Speaker 1: was like Easton actually hit me up and said that

626
00:34:44,920 --> 00:34:47,360
Speaker 1: the Fuji on the East fruit of the year in

627
00:34:48,320 --> 00:34:50,480
Speaker 1: and I was like, I think you guys presented that

628
00:34:49,840 --> 00:34:53,399
Speaker 1: a one. I was like, has honey crispal one and easty. Yeah,

629
00:34:53,400 --> 00:34:58,279
Speaker 1: I rest my case. I'm a Granny Smith guy. Oh man,

630
00:34:58,320 --> 00:35:01,040
Speaker 1: that's a good apple to damn fine. I got one

631
00:35:01,080 --> 00:35:10,799
Speaker 1: of my my from McDonald's. All right. This is from anonymous,

632
00:35:10,800 --> 00:35:13,759
Speaker 1: and she says, I'm twenty five. My boyfriend's twenty six.

633
00:35:13,760 --> 00:35:16,520
Speaker 1: We've been together a year, and honestly, it's going so well.

634
00:35:16,600 --> 00:35:18,919
Speaker 1: I can definitely see a future with him and want

635
00:35:18,920 --> 00:35:21,440
Speaker 1: a future with him. The only issue we have had

636
00:35:21,520 --> 00:35:24,920
Speaker 1: lately is that we have completely different sexual histories. I know,

637
00:35:25,040 --> 00:35:27,640
Speaker 1: I really didn't need to share my prior experiences with

638
00:35:27,680 --> 00:35:30,040
Speaker 1: my boyfriend, but I'm an open book and didn't feel

639
00:35:30,040 --> 00:35:32,279
Speaker 1: the need to hide anything. My boyfriend's only been with

640
00:35:32,280 --> 00:35:35,359
Speaker 1: a few partners, losing his virginity at twenty one. I've

641
00:35:35,360 --> 00:35:39,840
Speaker 1: been with many sexual partners and lost my virginity at sixteen.

642
00:35:40,400 --> 00:35:42,160
Speaker 1: Last night he told me he thinks my past is

643
00:35:42,200 --> 00:35:44,279
Speaker 1: gross and that he doesn't know how we can get

644
00:35:44,320 --> 00:35:47,279
Speaker 1: over it. My question is, how do I how how

645
00:35:47,400 --> 00:35:49,840
Speaker 1: does my how do my boyfriend and I move forward?

646
00:35:49,880 --> 00:35:51,440
Speaker 1: And how do I get him to stop dwelling on

647
00:35:51,480 --> 00:35:58,120
Speaker 1: the past. First of all, I'm upset that he said

648
00:35:58,160 --> 00:36:02,120
Speaker 1: your past is gross. That is so good dialogue now

649
00:36:02,760 --> 00:36:08,879
Speaker 1: horrible dialogue, horrible intro or ultra to a conversation with

650
00:36:08,920 --> 00:36:14,239
Speaker 1: your partner. Um, So, first of all, don't don't hear that.

651
00:36:14,440 --> 00:36:18,160
Speaker 1: Don't accept that, because your past is what led you

652
00:36:18,400 --> 00:36:21,360
Speaker 1: to where you are now, and that is the person.

653
00:36:21,520 --> 00:36:23,960
Speaker 1: Everything that's happened to you, whether it was related to

654
00:36:24,000 --> 00:36:26,600
Speaker 1: sex or any experiences that have happened, have made you

655
00:36:26,640 --> 00:36:28,840
Speaker 1: who you are, which is a person that he is

656
00:36:28,920 --> 00:36:32,040
Speaker 1: dating and in a relationship with. So if he's not

657
00:36:32,080 --> 00:36:34,920
Speaker 1: able to get past that, that is not your responsibility

658
00:36:35,160 --> 00:36:37,319
Speaker 1: because that sounds like something he's gonna have to work with.

659
00:36:37,400 --> 00:36:39,600
Speaker 1: He has the information, he can do what he wants

660
00:36:39,600 --> 00:36:42,320
Speaker 1: with it, but you don't need to carry the guilt

661
00:36:42,440 --> 00:36:46,480
Speaker 1: or the weight of his opinion of your past. And

662
00:36:46,840 --> 00:36:49,919
Speaker 1: I am sorry that he's made you feel like you

663
00:36:50,000 --> 00:36:54,759
Speaker 1: are gross for the choices you've made. And um, I

664
00:36:55,200 --> 00:36:58,200
Speaker 1: don't like him personally. I don't well, I don't like

665
00:36:58,280 --> 00:37:00,560
Speaker 1: that he said that. I don't like that he made

666
00:37:00,560 --> 00:37:02,719
Speaker 1: that comment. And I get he was probably her and

667
00:37:02,840 --> 00:37:07,120
Speaker 1: upset and feeling insecure and he projected. But I hope

668
00:37:07,120 --> 00:37:10,600
Speaker 1: that he knows how learns how to communicate better. Yeah,

669
00:37:10,680 --> 00:37:12,200
Speaker 1: I think that's that you hit the nail on the head,

670
00:37:12,239 --> 00:37:14,280
Speaker 1: because I think I've been in that position. I remember

671
00:37:14,320 --> 00:37:18,160
Speaker 1: when I was like newly sexing or having sex and

672
00:37:18,200 --> 00:37:20,200
Speaker 1: one of the guys that I diated had had like

673
00:37:20,239 --> 00:37:22,759
Speaker 1: hundreds of girls, and I remember judging him to being

674
00:37:22,800 --> 00:37:25,400
Speaker 1: like you, and I didn't say, like you, that's so gross,

675
00:37:25,440 --> 00:37:28,960
Speaker 1: But for me it was like I had wanted somebody

676
00:37:29,000 --> 00:37:31,520
Speaker 1: that I had only been with the same amount. It's

677
00:37:31,520 --> 00:37:33,520
Speaker 1: like people fear what they don't know, do you know

678
00:37:33,560 --> 00:37:35,040
Speaker 1: what I mean? So for me, in my mind, I

679
00:37:35,080 --> 00:37:37,360
Speaker 1: was just like, that seems so foreign to me to

680
00:37:37,440 --> 00:37:42,839
Speaker 1: have sex with hundreds of people. It's just like, yeah,

681
00:37:42,880 --> 00:37:45,600
Speaker 1: you you're just I don't know. I can't I've been

682
00:37:45,640 --> 00:37:47,080
Speaker 1: in this guy's shoes, you know what I mean? Because

683
00:37:47,080 --> 00:37:49,560
Speaker 1: I feel like I have been with guys where I'm like, oh,

684
00:37:49,640 --> 00:37:52,520
Speaker 1: I don't like that, but I've never verbalized it like that,

685
00:37:52,760 --> 00:37:55,759
Speaker 1: and I just like more internalize it. Um. But I

686
00:37:55,760 --> 00:37:59,160
Speaker 1: think it's just based on people. It's an insecurity thing,

687
00:37:59,160 --> 00:38:00,759
Speaker 1: you know, like you fear what you don't what you

688
00:38:00,760 --> 00:38:02,560
Speaker 1: don't know. I think you just need to explain to him,

689
00:38:02,600 --> 00:38:09,839
Speaker 1: like why you made those choices. I don't think she no, No,

690
00:38:10,360 --> 00:38:12,799
Speaker 1: I think he's insecure. I think his ego is hurt

691
00:38:12,800 --> 00:38:15,600
Speaker 1: and he feels like inadequate, and I think the way

692
00:38:15,600 --> 00:38:17,279
Speaker 1: that he could express it is that kind of makes

693
00:38:17,280 --> 00:38:19,600
Speaker 1: me feel insecure. Can we talk about like, I don't

694
00:38:19,640 --> 00:38:21,799
Speaker 1: like the thought of you with other guys? Yeah, I

695
00:38:21,800 --> 00:38:24,120
Speaker 1: don't like I don't like thinking about that. But that's

696
00:38:24,160 --> 00:38:28,600
Speaker 1: not her responsibility for her to feel like she needs

697
00:38:28,600 --> 00:38:32,000
Speaker 1: to apologize for it or you know, coddle him. It's

698
00:38:32,239 --> 00:38:35,360
Speaker 1: one thing to be sensitive to his insecurities and his

699
00:38:35,440 --> 00:38:38,360
Speaker 1: feelings about it, but also know that it's not fair

700
00:38:38,440 --> 00:38:40,680
Speaker 1: for you to take on this like shame and guilt

701
00:38:40,719 --> 00:38:45,279
Speaker 1: about it either. No, I yeah, I agree, but it's

702
00:38:45,280 --> 00:38:48,359
Speaker 1: probably comes from place of like, yeah, I think like

703
00:38:48,440 --> 00:38:52,920
Speaker 1: anyone's ego personally, I especially when I was a virgin,

704
00:38:53,000 --> 00:38:55,600
Speaker 1: like dating someone who had been with multiple people. I

705
00:38:55,600 --> 00:38:58,040
Speaker 1: mean anyone that was with had been with more people

706
00:38:58,040 --> 00:39:00,960
Speaker 1: than I had been with. So it was that reality.

707
00:39:01,080 --> 00:39:04,000
Speaker 1: And I think as long as that person was able

708
00:39:04,040 --> 00:39:06,680
Speaker 1: to be sensitive to my insecurities about it and we

709
00:39:06,680 --> 00:39:10,120
Speaker 1: were able to have like respectful conversations about it, and

710
00:39:10,160 --> 00:39:14,920
Speaker 1: also like know that me not having that experience added

711
00:39:14,960 --> 00:39:17,160
Speaker 1: to the insecurity And wait, I just think there's a

712
00:39:17,200 --> 00:39:22,080
Speaker 1: way of navigating it that is careful, like makes both

713
00:39:22,120 --> 00:39:28,040
Speaker 1: people feel safe. I agree, and this isn't her responsibility

714
00:39:28,080 --> 00:39:30,799
Speaker 1: to do. But like I was in a similar situation

715
00:39:31,000 --> 00:39:34,480
Speaker 1: years ago. I was dating a young lady and I

716
00:39:34,640 --> 00:39:37,600
Speaker 1: learned that she had been in a threesome with with

717
00:39:37,640 --> 00:39:40,520
Speaker 1: two guys. And that made me feel very intimidated because

718
00:39:40,520 --> 00:39:42,800
Speaker 1: I was extremely inexperience and I didn't think it was

719
00:39:42,840 --> 00:39:44,400
Speaker 1: gross or anything, but I was like, oh, man, like,

720
00:39:45,360 --> 00:39:47,960
Speaker 1: you know, she's not gonna how how could I possibly

721
00:39:48,000 --> 00:39:50,799
Speaker 1: please this person? You know? And uh? I watched a

722
00:39:50,800 --> 00:39:53,000
Speaker 1: little movie called Chasing Amy, where the same thing happens

723
00:39:53,040 --> 00:39:56,680
Speaker 1: to Ben Affleck. And the message I took away from

724
00:39:56,680 --> 00:40:00,120
Speaker 1: that was that this person wants to be with me,

725
00:40:00,560 --> 00:40:03,719
Speaker 1: and she likes me, and I like the person she is,

726
00:40:03,840 --> 00:40:06,200
Speaker 1: and so therefore I like everything that has led her

727
00:40:06,280 --> 00:40:09,400
Speaker 1: to be this person, Like everything she's gone through has

728
00:40:09,440 --> 00:40:10,759
Speaker 1: made her the person she is right now, and I

729
00:40:10,800 --> 00:40:13,879
Speaker 1: like that person quite a bit. And uh so that

730
00:40:13,920 --> 00:40:18,120
Speaker 1: gave me more confidence. And uh I learned to really

731
00:40:19,600 --> 00:40:23,719
Speaker 1: admire the past that people had before me. And uh

732
00:40:23,760 --> 00:40:26,320
Speaker 1: it didn't I don't know, like because she never said like,

733
00:40:26,360 --> 00:40:28,719
Speaker 1: oh I don't I don't like being with you or

734
00:40:28,719 --> 00:40:30,960
Speaker 1: anything because of these other things I did she did

735
00:40:31,000 --> 00:40:33,879
Speaker 1: that didn't happen at all. Um. So once I thought

736
00:40:33,880 --> 00:40:37,439
Speaker 1: of it that way, I did not feel insecure, and um,

737
00:40:37,920 --> 00:40:40,120
Speaker 1: I don't know. And now it's like after that, I

738
00:40:40,160 --> 00:40:41,760
Speaker 1: was like, oh, the more people have been with the better.

739
00:40:41,800 --> 00:40:46,040
Speaker 1: And because I don't know what I'm doing, Um, you know,

740
00:40:46,440 --> 00:40:48,800
Speaker 1: maybe I can pick up a thing or two. Uh,

741
00:40:49,280 --> 00:40:52,040
Speaker 1: I don't know it just like it really flipped like that. Um,

742
00:40:52,080 --> 00:40:54,719
Speaker 1: but I understand how how that can make especially a

743
00:40:54,760 --> 00:40:58,840
Speaker 1: man feel very insecure, and and that the way that

744
00:40:58,840 --> 00:41:03,600
Speaker 1: he reacted was so so immature and so poor. But

745
00:41:03,880 --> 00:41:06,279
Speaker 1: this is not her. I don't know what to say

746
00:41:06,280 --> 00:41:08,440
Speaker 1: to him to make him like have this realization. But

747
00:41:08,480 --> 00:41:11,240
Speaker 1: it's like definitely not her responsibility. Women need to stop

748
00:41:11,239 --> 00:41:15,560
Speaker 1: fixing then, damn it. That's what I say. Yeah, men

749
00:41:15,600 --> 00:41:17,440
Speaker 1: do need to be better. You know. It's just like,

750
00:41:17,880 --> 00:41:21,200
Speaker 1: but I do think if he's typically like very respectful

751
00:41:21,280 --> 00:41:24,080
Speaker 1: and mature, and you can have a conversation and say like,

752
00:41:24,440 --> 00:41:30,600
Speaker 1: I'm really sorry this uh like this makes you feel insecure,

753
00:41:30,640 --> 00:41:33,520
Speaker 1: you know, intimidated. But if you need to talk about

754
00:41:33,560 --> 00:41:36,080
Speaker 1: it more, we can. But I'm with you and I

755
00:41:36,120 --> 00:41:38,760
Speaker 1: love you, and that's all that matters to me. Okay,

756
00:41:38,800 --> 00:41:41,640
Speaker 1: So here's the more important question. What Taylor Swift song

757
00:41:41,840 --> 00:41:46,720
Speaker 1: we prescribe her? Oh I have a good one. Okay.

758
00:41:46,840 --> 00:41:52,360
Speaker 1: The man It's like if I were a man like you,

759
00:41:52,360 --> 00:41:55,840
Speaker 1: wouldn't be breaking saying this stuff. Mm hmm that's true.

760
00:41:56,560 --> 00:42:04,960
Speaker 1: Listen to that. What's the one? Um? Look what you

761
00:42:05,000 --> 00:42:11,120
Speaker 1: made mean? Do? Oh? Yeah, get your just get your

762
00:42:11,120 --> 00:42:13,000
Speaker 1: power back if you want to listen to reputation. If

763
00:42:13,040 --> 00:42:16,120
Speaker 1: you want your power back, listen reputation. There you go,

764
00:42:16,880 --> 00:42:19,600
Speaker 1: all right, Anonymous says my boyfriend is almost thirty. I

765
00:42:19,680 --> 00:42:22,840
Speaker 1: just turned twenty seven. We lived together and have two dogs.

766
00:42:23,600 --> 00:42:25,440
Speaker 1: The first year was rough, as I found out he

767
00:42:25,520 --> 00:42:27,719
Speaker 1: cheated on me, but didn't find out until a while

768
00:42:27,800 --> 00:42:30,279
Speaker 1: after it happened, so I stayed because the connection was

769
00:42:30,320 --> 00:42:33,480
Speaker 1: too strong. I don't think he cheated physically since then.

770
00:42:33,680 --> 00:42:36,040
Speaker 1: Fast forward to now, It'll be three and a half years.

771
00:42:36,080 --> 00:42:38,799
Speaker 1: Next month in April, he hasn't proposed, and as far

772
00:42:38,840 --> 00:42:41,239
Speaker 1: as I'm concerned, has no plan to. He tells me

773
00:42:41,280 --> 00:42:43,080
Speaker 1: he wants to marry me and wants a family, but

774
00:42:43,160 --> 00:42:44,680
Speaker 1: just hasn't done it, and I don't know how much

775
00:42:44,680 --> 00:42:47,200
Speaker 1: longer I should wait. I finally let it go and

776
00:42:47,200 --> 00:42:49,759
Speaker 1: stop bringing it up because it was causing too much

777
00:42:49,760 --> 00:42:54,040
Speaker 1: of a fight. I recently find out that he subscribed

778
00:42:54,320 --> 00:42:57,920
Speaker 1: twenty dollars a month to a girl's only fans page

779
00:42:58,160 --> 00:43:01,520
Speaker 1: that he went to high school with, and we constantly

780
00:43:01,520 --> 00:43:04,120
Speaker 1: have issues with his porn watching and lying about it.

781
00:43:05,120 --> 00:43:07,680
Speaker 1: I've said he can watch it, but he continued to

782
00:43:07,719 --> 00:43:10,520
Speaker 1: take it too far. Like the only fans, he won't

783
00:43:10,520 --> 00:43:13,000
Speaker 1: follow the boundaries have put in place. Has our time

784
00:43:13,280 --> 00:43:19,239
Speaker 1: come to an end? Based on this email? In this

785
00:43:19,640 --> 00:43:24,200
Speaker 1: little bit of information that we have about your relationship.

786
00:43:24,360 --> 00:43:28,640
Speaker 1: I think you deserve so much better out of a

787
00:43:28,719 --> 00:43:33,160
Speaker 1: partner because he has cheated on you, which I'm assuming

788
00:43:33,160 --> 00:43:37,560
Speaker 1: as physically he has disrespected your boundaries of you or

789
00:43:37,600 --> 00:43:40,440
Speaker 1: even like it's fine if you watch porn, but he

790
00:43:40,520 --> 00:43:45,120
Speaker 1: has crossed those lines and he has He is paying

791
00:43:45,200 --> 00:43:50,400
Speaker 1: money to see a woman that he knows in a

792
00:43:50,600 --> 00:43:56,960
Speaker 1: very um, what's the word provocative? Provocative state, and I

793
00:43:57,000 --> 00:44:00,960
Speaker 1: think that you know your word and that's why you're

794
00:44:00,960 --> 00:44:04,280
Speaker 1: writing in about this. Let me tell you something. Let's

795
00:44:04,320 --> 00:44:07,040
Speaker 1: go ton your brad. I am going to prescribe to

796
00:44:07,120 --> 00:44:10,719
Speaker 1: you to listen to Taylor Swift's Clean, because you need

797
00:44:10,760 --> 00:44:14,439
Speaker 1: to be clean of this energy. I feel as though

798
00:44:14,640 --> 00:44:16,600
Speaker 1: I'm not one of those people that says once a cheat,

799
00:44:16,600 --> 00:44:19,320
Speaker 1: are always a cheater, But I do think that cheating

800
00:44:19,680 --> 00:44:23,400
Speaker 1: is has a character flaw in it. There's something in

801
00:44:23,719 --> 00:44:26,759
Speaker 1: this man's character that I don't trust. And then the

802
00:44:26,800 --> 00:44:29,240
Speaker 1: fact that three years later he's going down this path

803
00:44:29,440 --> 00:44:33,680
Speaker 1: of porn and watching some girls doing that when you

804
00:44:33,680 --> 00:44:40,560
Speaker 1: say it makes you uncomfortable again, from the limited information

805
00:44:40,560 --> 00:44:42,759
Speaker 1: that you have given us, there's not one part of

806
00:44:42,800 --> 00:44:45,600
Speaker 1: that email that was like, this is my man, this

807
00:44:45,680 --> 00:44:47,279
Speaker 1: is my guy. I want to work through this. I

808
00:44:47,320 --> 00:44:49,440
Speaker 1: feel like this is a no and go listen to

809
00:44:49,520 --> 00:44:53,920
Speaker 1: Clean and get your mojo back. He doesn't respect you.

810
00:44:54,200 --> 00:44:55,719
Speaker 1: If you give him an in, she'll take a mile.

811
00:44:55,800 --> 00:44:57,440
Speaker 1: You tell him it's okay to do porn. And he's

812
00:44:57,440 --> 00:44:59,799
Speaker 1: not only fantasy with the high school with that's a much.

813
00:45:00,120 --> 00:45:03,360
Speaker 1: That's a violation. But but you look mosh poored like

814
00:45:03,440 --> 00:45:06,920
Speaker 1: he's just he's not being respectful and that's going to continue.

815
00:45:06,960 --> 00:45:09,880
Speaker 1: It seems to me he's already cheated. Now you're saying,

816
00:45:09,920 --> 00:45:12,920
Speaker 1: don't cheat on me. He's gonna find gray area there

817
00:45:12,920 --> 00:45:15,720
Speaker 1: that's not physically cheating, but it's all kinds of other stuff.

818
00:45:15,960 --> 00:45:19,320
Speaker 1: I agree. I think we got to move on. I'm sorry, Anonymous,

819
00:45:19,320 --> 00:45:22,280
Speaker 1: it's time. Before you listen to Clean, you should listen

820
00:45:22,280 --> 00:45:26,880
Speaker 1: to This is why we can't have nice things you tried?

821
00:45:27,320 --> 00:45:29,040
Speaker 1: Or wait, what Mark, what is the last thing you

822
00:45:29,160 --> 00:45:36,920
Speaker 1: just said? We got we gotta move on? You just

823
00:45:37,040 --> 00:45:42,000
Speaker 1: did that lyric to another and the right to come down?

824
00:45:42,520 --> 00:45:52,800
Speaker 1: Yeah you need to move on? Yeah? Well wow, um

825
00:45:52,960 --> 00:45:58,120
Speaker 1: all right, well and that'll do it And just like

826
00:45:58,160 --> 00:46:02,279
Speaker 1: that and just like that, this episode is over. We

827
00:46:02,360 --> 00:46:04,640
Speaker 1: have a great podcast on Thursday, we're gonna get a

828
00:46:04,680 --> 00:46:09,640
Speaker 1: little more into our fields with our guests. We are

829
00:46:09,800 --> 00:46:13,000
Speaker 1: going to get into our fields. Gaby Bernstein is here

830
00:46:13,000 --> 00:46:15,160
Speaker 1: on Thursday. That's going to be a good one. Yeah.

831
00:46:15,200 --> 00:46:18,600
Speaker 1: She um really got me thinking about some things. That

832
00:46:18,680 --> 00:46:21,080
Speaker 1: got me thinking about some things. And then we'll be

833
00:46:21,120 --> 00:46:26,640
Speaker 1: back next Monday with a great other pod, a recap

834
00:46:26,680 --> 00:46:32,480
Speaker 1: of Mexico. If you're there, yeah, tv D all right,

835
00:46:32,520 --> 00:46:35,440
Speaker 1: we love you, love you bye.