WEBVTT - #8 We All Suck At Dating 0:00:00.480 --> 0:00:04.280 Hell, I Suck at Dating with the Angler and I 0:00:04.400 --> 0:00:09.880 Heart Radio Podcast. Hello, I'm Dean Anglert. Thank you for 0:00:09.920 --> 0:00:12.959 tuning in to help I Suck at Dating. This week's 0:00:12.960 --> 0:00:14.680 episode is gonna be a little bit different. I have 0:00:15.000 --> 0:00:17.079 Mark and Eastern in the studio. We are going to 0:00:17.120 --> 0:00:20.200 be taking phone calls, reading emails, and just kind of 0:00:20.239 --> 0:00:25.200 having an open conversation about being sucky at dating. So Mark, 0:00:25.239 --> 0:00:27.479 you want to say hi, Hi everybody. I don't know 0:00:27.520 --> 0:00:28.920 what I could weigh in on that, but I'll do 0:00:28.960 --> 0:00:30.760 what I can. Well, just you know, get the get 0:00:30.800 --> 0:00:33.880 the the conversation rolling a little bit. We have Easton 0:00:33.960 --> 0:00:35.199 over here as well. I don't know if he's all 0:00:35.200 --> 0:00:36.880 set up over there, but this is the sound of 0:00:36.920 --> 0:00:39.120 my voice. Yes, I love It's okay great. So we 0:00:39.159 --> 0:00:40.479 have an article here that we wanted to get your 0:00:40.479 --> 0:00:43.120 thoughts on. Okay, it's called when a Guy Doesn't Text back. 0:00:43.159 --> 0:00:47.040 The real reason it drives women crazy because women, we've 0:00:47.200 --> 0:00:53.400 talked about this number one, they don't understand it. For example, 0:00:54.040 --> 0:00:56.720 they measure other people against the yard stick determined by 0:00:56.760 --> 0:00:59.320 their own personal codes of conduct, meaning I would send 0:00:59.360 --> 0:01:01.240 it right back to him. Why isn't he setting it 0:01:01.320 --> 0:01:05.960 right back to me. It makes sense. To number two, 0:01:06.959 --> 0:01:10.480 they think it means he doesn't care. It might could 0:01:10.480 --> 0:01:12.240 have said that they got to banter back and forth 0:01:12.280 --> 0:01:14.120 and suddenly he goes away. Well, why what happened? Well, 0:01:14.160 --> 0:01:16.600 they don't understand. Who knows what happened? But doesn't necessarily 0:01:16.640 --> 0:01:20.160 mean it doesn't care. Agreed or doesn't mean it doesn't care. 0:01:20.240 --> 0:01:21.920 It doesn't mean he doesn't care. I disagree with that. Okay, 0:01:22.720 --> 0:01:24.360 how many? How many bullet points are we going for here? 0:01:24.400 --> 0:01:29.320 This is the third bullet Fear, fear that he's not interested, 0:01:29.440 --> 0:01:31.440 fear that he's leading you on, fear that he's using 0:01:31.440 --> 0:01:35.080 you for something else. I just think that people sometimes 0:01:35.080 --> 0:01:37.399 suck at texting, And I don't know if that necessarily 0:01:37.400 --> 0:01:39.080 means that you suck at dating too. I mean I 0:01:40.560 --> 0:01:42.640 and I guess it really depends on the conversation to like, 0:01:42.959 --> 0:01:46.399 if you're having a long winded conversation with someone that 0:01:46.440 --> 0:01:49.040 you're dating, per se, and you take a long time 0:01:49.080 --> 0:01:51.840 to text back. Um, I've gotten in trouble for this 0:01:52.240 --> 0:01:55.800 before because I don't want to kind of half assid 0:01:56.280 --> 0:01:58.080 a responsor and answer right. So I want to be 0:01:58.080 --> 0:02:01.720 able to sit down kind of internalize it, and then uh, 0:02:01.840 --> 0:02:03.960 touch on every topic that we're talking about instead of 0:02:03.960 --> 0:02:06.000 just kind of brushing it over and um being a 0:02:06.000 --> 0:02:08.360 little bit more brief than then I should be. And 0:02:08.480 --> 0:02:10.240 that's gonna be in trouble before because it'll take me 0:02:10.560 --> 0:02:12.560 you know, maybe I don't have the time then. I 0:02:12.560 --> 0:02:13.880 think we actually even talked about this in one of 0:02:13.919 --> 0:02:16.440 the earlier episodes too. But that doesn't necessarily mean that 0:02:17.000 --> 0:02:19.400 I'm ignoring or don't care anything like that. It's just 0:02:19.440 --> 0:02:22.240 a matter of I need to sit, like hunker down 0:02:22.240 --> 0:02:23.720 and really think about what I need to say in 0:02:23.760 --> 0:02:26.959 this one. You know, that's interesting. I think most people, 0:02:27.080 --> 0:02:30.440 especially your age, especially guys, aren't putting that level of 0:02:30.440 --> 0:02:32.280 effort into texting. Well, I don't want to say that 0:02:32.280 --> 0:02:34.080 I'm putting any more effort in than anyone else at 0:02:34.080 --> 0:02:36.560 the end of the day. I just I think that 0:02:37.320 --> 0:02:40.680 especially there are certain types of people, um, of both 0:02:40.720 --> 0:02:44.240 sexes that require, you know, much more explanation of of things, 0:02:44.360 --> 0:02:46.720 especially like viattacks. Right, so you're arguing with someone and 0:02:46.760 --> 0:02:48.200 you have friends that you can just give like five 0:02:48.240 --> 0:02:50.040 word responses to what there are certain types of people 0:02:50.120 --> 0:02:51.760 that you need to be sure that you're touching on 0:02:51.800 --> 0:02:55.639 every point that they're you know, asking about or talking about. Um. 0:02:55.720 --> 0:02:57.800 And so for those people, I definitely make sure to 0:02:57.840 --> 0:03:00.280 do my best and make sure that their knee are 0:03:00.280 --> 0:03:03.360 being fulfilled through my texting. But at the same time, 0:03:03.680 --> 0:03:06.040 I will constantly get like, you know, two texts in 0:03:06.080 --> 0:03:09.160 a row and then I don't respond for two hours, 0:03:09.240 --> 0:03:12.280 and then like I'll get a follow up text saying okay, 0:03:12.320 --> 0:03:14.640 never mind, or like some sort of like passive aggressive 0:03:14.720 --> 0:03:19.000 text that's that's totally meant to like make me to 0:03:19.080 --> 0:03:20.320 light the fire under my butt to get me to 0:03:20.360 --> 0:03:23.280 text back faster. Um. And I don't I don't really 0:03:23.320 --> 0:03:26.200 like that very much understood. What was your reason for delaying? 0:03:26.200 --> 0:03:28.240 You were just thinking about what they had said? You're 0:03:28.280 --> 0:03:30.359 just pondering it for hours at a time. Yeah, Well, 0:03:30.360 --> 0:03:32.240 and sometimes too it's like, Okay, I don't really want 0:03:32.240 --> 0:03:33.880 to be talking about this right now, so I'm going 0:03:33.960 --> 0:03:35.760 to like shelf it for later and come back to 0:03:35.800 --> 0:03:37.840 it at a later moment. I guess. So they're they're 0:03:37.840 --> 0:03:40.120 obviously multiple reasons, but I think, like, what were the 0:03:40.120 --> 0:03:42.280 three points that were made to fear? Fear was one 0:03:44.880 --> 0:03:47.119 you think it means he doesn't care doesn't care and 0:03:47.160 --> 0:03:49.160 you just don't get it because you would never behave 0:03:49.240 --> 0:03:51.400 that way, right. So it's kind of like a hypocritical stance, 0:03:51.440 --> 0:03:53.440 I guess because you text back faster, so you don't 0:03:53.440 --> 0:03:55.080 want the person that you're texting to not text you 0:03:55.120 --> 0:03:58.880 back so quickly. Um. I don't think any of those 0:03:59.000 --> 0:04:00.840 really apply to every situation. A shan, I don't know, 0:04:00.920 --> 0:04:04.920 what do you guys think. I'm just curious about the 0:04:04.920 --> 0:04:07.760 time you're putting into thinking about these and I you 0:04:07.840 --> 0:04:10.240 respect them and you want to give them a good response. 0:04:10.680 --> 0:04:13.320 What if you did something like I gotta think about 0:04:13.320 --> 0:04:14.920 that for a second and then you can come back 0:04:14.960 --> 0:04:16.760 to it when you want to, because they're waiting for 0:04:16.800 --> 0:04:19.840 those three dots. They're staring at it. No, And I 0:04:19.920 --> 0:04:22.200 think too, if you were to just outwardly say hey, 0:04:22.279 --> 0:04:23.760 give me some time to think about this and get 0:04:23.800 --> 0:04:26.839 back to you, I think that that would be okay. Um, 0:04:26.880 --> 0:04:29.279 I'm a big fan of doing that. I've said that, yeah, 0:04:29.480 --> 0:04:31.800 like hang on, I need a beat on this, or 0:04:32.600 --> 0:04:34.920 I'll just say stand by okay. So, so we have 0:04:35.000 --> 0:04:38.040 Tanya in studio with us now, and she was audibly 0:04:38.040 --> 0:04:41.520 signed during that conversation from a girl's perspective. What do 0:04:41.520 --> 0:04:43.560 you think of all that. I'm not a big fan 0:04:43.839 --> 0:04:47.400 of when guys make me wait um text message because 0:04:47.440 --> 0:04:50.479 I feel like the time you have your phone in 0:04:50.480 --> 0:04:53.599 your hand or on your body, So a quick response, 0:04:53.760 --> 0:04:55.799 not even I don't need it immediately within five minutes, 0:04:55.800 --> 0:04:57.760 but like within the hour, I think is very appropriate. 0:04:57.800 --> 0:04:59.640 So if you're making me wait over an hour, it 0:04:59.640 --> 0:05:03.599 would really irked me. But unless you were uninterested, which 0:05:03.600 --> 0:05:06.360 is what I think is the B category. I think 0:05:06.360 --> 0:05:09.240 if you're not responding and you're taking over however many hours, 0:05:09.240 --> 0:05:11.000 you're not interested, because I have done that with a 0:05:11.040 --> 0:05:15.400 guy that I'm trying to wean off. Okay, that's good, Okay, 0:05:15.400 --> 0:05:18.039 so it's your point. Though. Most people do always have 0:05:18.080 --> 0:05:19.800 their phones in their hand, right I'm one of those people. 0:05:19.880 --> 0:05:22.880 I basically I'm always on my phone. But whether it's friends, 0:05:22.880 --> 0:05:26.160 whether it's people i'm dating, whoever it is, I constantly 0:05:26.200 --> 0:05:29.279 here that I'm horrible at texting back. So if a 0:05:29.320 --> 0:05:32.320 girl you were interested in texted you right now, even 0:05:32.400 --> 0:05:34.760 during this podcast, you would respond right away. No, I 0:05:34.760 --> 0:05:36.360 put my phone in it disturb when I come into 0:05:36.400 --> 0:05:39.720 the studio. Really, yes, this takes priority over everything while 0:05:39.720 --> 0:05:44.440 I'm in here. Well, that's very nice personally, but isn't 0:05:44.480 --> 0:05:47.160 there something to that Your interest level in the person 0:05:47.400 --> 0:05:49.599 is related to how quickly you would respond. So you're 0:05:49.600 --> 0:05:52.120 saying that if you are really interested in someone, you 0:05:52.120 --> 0:05:54.520 should drop everything at any given moment to respond it 0:05:54.600 --> 0:05:56.960 quickly enough to make sure that they feel comfortable with 0:05:58.160 --> 0:06:00.800 It's about how you feel. I had a woman tell 0:06:00.839 --> 0:06:03.080 me once I was visiting my parents an hour away 0:06:03.080 --> 0:06:05.040 from where she lived. We had plans on a Sunday night, 0:06:05.040 --> 0:06:06.800 and I decided to stay with my parents next today, 0:06:06.839 --> 0:06:08.240 and I called on that said I'm so sorry, I'm 0:06:08.240 --> 0:06:09.919 gonna stay here for another day so I can't go 0:06:09.960 --> 0:06:12.640 out tomorrow night. And she goes, you know, if you 0:06:12.680 --> 0:06:15.880 wanted to be here with me, you would be And 0:06:15.960 --> 0:06:19.480 she was a hundred percent right now. And if I 0:06:19.520 --> 0:06:22.520 was really interested, I would have been running those sixty miles. 0:06:22.520 --> 0:06:24.719 And if you're really interested, you would immediately respond to 0:06:24.720 --> 0:06:30.080 that text, don't you think? Yeah? Yes, see, No, it's 0:06:30.120 --> 0:06:32.680 so true. I think it's so black and white. I do. 0:06:32.720 --> 0:06:34.400 I don't think there's any of this like weird. I 0:06:34.400 --> 0:06:36.480 think if you're really interested in somebody and they text 0:06:36.560 --> 0:06:39.640 you you're going to respond, but maybe not within five minutes, 0:06:39.680 --> 0:06:42.080 but you will respond very quickly. Don't you think that 0:06:42.400 --> 0:06:44.400 like interest levels can kind of be up and down, 0:06:45.240 --> 0:06:46.560 there's kind of like an ebb and flow to it 0:06:46.640 --> 0:06:50.320 right where, Um, there are obviously certain times of the 0:06:50.360 --> 0:06:51.920 day where you have to give your utmost attention to 0:06:51.960 --> 0:06:53.479 the person you're talking to. But then they're also like 0:06:53.560 --> 0:06:56.200 lulls where um, okay, you're both doing your own thing. 0:06:56.279 --> 0:06:58.320 You I don't know, you're out doing work or she's 0:06:58.320 --> 0:07:00.880 out doing whatever it is. So there are certainly times 0:07:00.920 --> 0:07:03.599 where you're not necessarily responsible for responding that quickly, and 0:07:03.600 --> 0:07:06.160 you're allowed to. I don't want to say be less interested, 0:07:06.480 --> 0:07:08.360 but you're allowed to, I guess, have more of a 0:07:08.360 --> 0:07:12.480 buffer's own in terms of responding. Yes, I do agree 0:07:12.520 --> 0:07:15.440 there are times of the day, but I think that 0:07:15.960 --> 0:07:18.480 I still I stand by this. If you are interested 0:07:18.520 --> 0:07:20.239 in somebody, you are going to make it a priority 0:07:20.280 --> 0:07:22.240 to respond to that. So you're saying, if you're with 0:07:22.320 --> 0:07:26.280 the guys, you're at a movie, you're you're busy, You're 0:07:26.280 --> 0:07:27.640 going to get back to them when you get back 0:07:27.640 --> 0:07:29.920 to them. But what I don't you ever get a 0:07:29.920 --> 0:07:31.720 text from a girl and you get that little tickle 0:07:31.760 --> 0:07:37.840 in your stomach like, oh my gosh, it's her. You've 0:07:38.160 --> 0:07:40.520 had that. I'm sure I've had it. I'm sure I 0:07:40.520 --> 0:07:42.520 still have it. I sure. I'm probably just scared to 0:07:42.520 --> 0:07:46.280 admit that I get it. I don't know. Um yeah, okay. 0:07:46.280 --> 0:07:47.560 So when you do get that little tickle, then you 0:07:47.560 --> 0:07:50.120 want to make sure that you respond fully and appropriately, 0:07:50.520 --> 0:07:52.480 and you make sure that you are answering what they 0:07:52.520 --> 0:07:55.280 need to have. Do you ever consult your guy friends 0:07:55.320 --> 0:07:58.920 about what to say in return? Um? Not often, I 0:07:58.960 --> 0:08:00.600 would say maybe one per end of the time. You 0:08:00.720 --> 0:08:03.080 never like, like, I need to be really funny here, 0:08:03.160 --> 0:08:05.320 let me like go to my really fun I'm the 0:08:05.320 --> 0:08:08.840 funniest one of all my friends. Did they go to 0:08:08.880 --> 0:08:12.120 you for texting advice? No, definitely not. I'm definitely not 0:08:12.160 --> 0:08:15.840 that funny. But um no, I think that. Yeah. I 0:08:15.880 --> 0:08:17.480 think my friends and I confide in each other a lot, 0:08:17.600 --> 0:08:19.280 especially with relationships. I don't know if it's for the 0:08:19.320 --> 0:08:21.600 better for the worst. I noticed that a lot of 0:08:21.640 --> 0:08:23.920 the friends that I have, as much as I love them, 0:08:23.960 --> 0:08:26.560 they're just as bad, if not worse, at dating than 0:08:26.600 --> 0:08:29.000 I am. So it's it's hard to confide in someone 0:08:29.760 --> 0:08:32.959 who you kind of I don't know, see a lot 0:08:32.960 --> 0:08:36.160 of flaws within in terms of the dating sphere, but 0:08:36.760 --> 0:08:38.720 we do our best to help each other, I guess 0:08:38.880 --> 0:08:41.520 for the for the most part. See with guys, it's 0:08:41.559 --> 0:08:43.880 different than with girls. I know, because so for girls, 0:08:43.920 --> 0:08:46.200 we will like screenshot and be like, what do I say? 0:08:46.240 --> 0:08:47.840 Send it to our friends say help me, what do 0:08:47.880 --> 0:08:49.480 we send back to this? But if guys go to 0:08:49.480 --> 0:08:51.800 their friends and say, hey, what do I say back 0:08:51.840 --> 0:08:54.120 to this? It's not so she'll like me. It's so 0:08:54.160 --> 0:08:56.600 I can close the deal. But what if the deal 0:08:56.640 --> 0:08:59.959 is already closed, then I think you're probably taking your 0:09:00.000 --> 0:09:02.839 I'm getting back to her? Is that what it is? 0:09:03.120 --> 0:09:06.199 I'm look, I'm married, So I don't know, but that's 0:09:06.240 --> 0:09:08.680 kind of my feeling. No, I think. I mean, especially 0:09:08.720 --> 0:09:11.720 in today's day and age, it kind of makes sense. Um, 0:09:11.760 --> 0:09:14.920 that has to do with interest level. Yeah, if if 0:09:14.960 --> 0:09:20.240 a girl sleeps with you too soon, do you lose interest? Honestly? Yeah, yeah, 0:09:21.800 --> 0:09:24.360 I think so. I agree with that. It's funny because 0:09:24.360 --> 0:09:26.320 guys always are interested in that, but then once it 0:09:26.360 --> 0:09:28.160 happens that they lose interest. What about on the flip 0:09:28.200 --> 0:09:29.439 side of that, if a guy sleeps with the girl 0:09:29.480 --> 0:09:33.160 too soon? Does the girl who's interest? Does that ever happen? No, 0:09:33.240 --> 0:09:36.800 I don't think so, only if it's botched somehow, right, Yeah, 0:09:36.880 --> 0:09:39.640 unless it's bad? Yeah? Wait in what do you mean? 0:09:39.679 --> 0:09:42.320 Like if unless this sex is bad? All right? This 0:09:42.400 --> 0:09:46.640 podcast is going straight to our real best. Why don't 0:09:46.640 --> 0:09:48.760 we take a call. Let's take a call? All right? 0:09:48.800 --> 0:09:55.640 How about we talked to Megan? She is in Semi Valley, California. Hey, Megan, 0:09:55.720 --> 0:09:58.000 this is Dean and you're on help. I suck at dating. 0:09:58.040 --> 0:10:00.880 How are you good? How are you? I'm good? So 0:10:00.960 --> 0:10:06.439 what's your question? Um? My question is I guess? Um, 0:10:06.480 --> 0:10:08.120 I don't. I don't even know. I don't really have 0:10:08.160 --> 0:10:10.800 a question. It's more like, I mean, I guess. It 0:10:10.840 --> 0:10:16.640 could be like how to find a mature person? I 0:10:16.720 --> 0:10:19.600 live like kind of near l A. But I've tried 0:10:19.600 --> 0:10:23.320 talking to people around my age, older than me, um, 0:10:23.360 --> 0:10:27.360 even younger than me. Just absolutely everyone is so immature. 0:10:28.000 --> 0:10:30.320 So how do you find a mature person to date? 0:10:30.400 --> 0:10:33.520 I think that I think in the past I've said 0:10:33.520 --> 0:10:35.040 find someone older, but I think that at the end 0:10:35.080 --> 0:10:37.080 of the day, it really is a case by case basis, right, 0:10:37.120 --> 0:10:39.360 I'm twenty six, I act like I'm sixteen. I think 0:10:39.360 --> 0:10:40.840 you could find a twenty year old that acts like 0:10:40.880 --> 0:10:42.959 he's thirty four. It really just depends on the type 0:10:43.000 --> 0:10:45.480 of person that you're meeting. Yeah, where do you Where 0:10:45.480 --> 0:10:49.920 do you meet most of these people? Um? I don't. 0:10:50.120 --> 0:10:53.000 I mean the last person I talked to I downloaded 0:10:53.080 --> 0:10:55.360 you know that at Bumble. Oh we know Bumble very 0:10:55.360 --> 0:10:58.040 well over here. I downloaded it for one day and 0:10:58.080 --> 0:11:01.000 then I met this guy and he is in his 0:11:01.120 --> 0:11:03.080 last year of med school. So I was like, that's 0:11:03.080 --> 0:11:06.360 pretty nice. Um. But then we were skyping and he 0:11:06.840 --> 0:11:09.440 just made the most immature comments and I was just 0:11:09.480 --> 0:11:12.120 like no, no, no no, no no, and it just did 0:11:12.120 --> 0:11:13.880 not work. So I deleted the app just because it 0:11:14.000 --> 0:11:17.240 not really my thing. Um. Way making your twenty years 0:11:17.280 --> 0:11:20.560 old you said, yes, So what what type of immature 0:11:20.600 --> 0:11:22.720 comments were was he making? Like what would you be 0:11:22.760 --> 0:11:28.319 looking for in terms of like maturity, Um, I guess 0:11:28.320 --> 0:11:32.120 just someone going somewhere in life just has a lot 0:11:32.120 --> 0:11:37.880 of respect. Um. So they were like childish remarks like yeah, 0:11:38.120 --> 0:11:40.920 like I'm the least judgmental person and he randomly tells 0:11:40.920 --> 0:11:44.000 me he's like, oh I hate fat people like Okay, 0:11:44.080 --> 0:11:46.280 like what am I supposed to do with that information? 0:11:48.000 --> 0:11:50.360 And I first told him because we met on that 0:11:50.480 --> 0:11:53.120 dating app and I've never done a dating app before, 0:11:53.160 --> 0:11:55.360 so I told him I'm not the kind of girl 0:11:55.480 --> 0:11:57.640 to just like hook up with someone that's not me. 0:11:58.120 --> 0:12:00.480 And then like a week later he ran only tells 0:12:00.480 --> 0:12:04.840 me he has a high LIVEDO And I'm like, I 0:12:04.880 --> 0:12:07.000 think that you can't let this one guy kind of 0:12:07.280 --> 0:12:09.000 make the rule for for dating apps for you. I 0:12:09.000 --> 0:12:10.880 think that there are definitely success stories coming out of 0:12:10.920 --> 0:12:13.560 dating apps, and I'm not, um, I don't know. I 0:12:13.600 --> 0:12:17.920 think that one out of every you know, five or 0:12:17.920 --> 0:12:19.559 so guys is going to be super immature like that, 0:12:19.600 --> 0:12:21.520 and that's that's I agree. I think that if you 0:12:21.559 --> 0:12:23.920 meet someone and you're uncomfortable with the things that they're saying, 0:12:23.920 --> 0:12:26.920 I think that you should definitely stay away. Yeah, you know, 0:12:26.960 --> 0:12:29.640 guys are immature. It's about finding a guy who can 0:12:29.679 --> 0:12:32.160 kind of cover up the immaturity, that knows enough not 0:12:32.200 --> 0:12:34.480 to say something like that on a dating app. Really, 0:12:34.640 --> 0:12:38.520 we're all I'm forty six, I love playing video games, Like, 0:12:38.600 --> 0:12:42.160 I'm very immature, but you figure out how to hide 0:12:42.360 --> 0:12:45.480 the really kind of dorky, ugly parts of yourselves. I 0:12:45.480 --> 0:12:47.400 think everybody does that. I think there's a difference too, 0:12:47.440 --> 0:12:51.360 between being immature and just kind of being UM. I mean, 0:12:51.559 --> 0:12:54.400 I guess is the word is that the sive sensitive 0:12:54.440 --> 0:12:56.559 and sensitive is what I was looking for. So yeah, 0:12:56.600 --> 0:12:58.839 I don't know, Megan. I'd say, I say keep. I 0:12:59.080 --> 0:13:01.280 think that you can't really place an age on it. 0:13:01.320 --> 0:13:04.160 Of course, I think as you skew older, you'll genuinely 0:13:04.200 --> 0:13:06.280 see more mature guys. But I don't think you should 0:13:06.280 --> 0:13:08.800 discount younger guys just because of their age. They can 0:13:08.840 --> 0:13:10.880 certainly be more mature than that year old was. What 0:13:10.920 --> 0:13:15.760 do you do, Megan? What do I do? Um? I'm 0:13:15.800 --> 0:13:19.640 a junior in college right now. None of the guys 0:13:19.960 --> 0:13:25.920 what college, cow State, channel islands and nobody there is interesting. 0:13:27.040 --> 0:13:32.040 No the guy to girl ratios one or there's girls 0:13:32.080 --> 0:13:38.280 to everyone. Guy, I should have got married. I mean, 0:13:38.320 --> 0:13:40.079 I will say that when when I was a junior 0:13:40.080 --> 0:13:43.520 in college, I was incredibly immature, but I was a 0:13:43.559 --> 0:13:45.040 little bit more. I want I would say that I 0:13:45.080 --> 0:13:47.280 was a little bit more self aware than this twenty 0:13:47.440 --> 0:13:50.079 year old guy that you were talking to. UM, I 0:13:50.080 --> 0:13:52.480 would just say, like, you're you're at an age right 0:13:52.480 --> 0:13:54.920 now where you're supposed to be, you know, kind of 0:13:54.920 --> 0:13:56.839 like enjoying yourself. Obviously, you're a junior in college. You 0:13:56.880 --> 0:14:00.880 should be having fun everyone. I mean, I don't want 0:14:00.880 --> 0:14:03.360 to say like jump into a relationship or anything like that, 0:14:03.400 --> 0:14:05.760 but um, you know you're twenty years old, you're about 0:14:05.760 --> 0:14:07.120 to be twenty one. I'm sure you should be having 0:14:07.120 --> 0:14:09.400 fun and maybe not necessarily trying to get into a 0:14:09.400 --> 0:14:11.440 relationship with an incredibly mature guy. Of course, I don't 0:14:11.440 --> 0:14:13.679 know you, um, and I think that you should take 0:14:13.679 --> 0:14:15.839 that with a grain of salt. But it's it's it's 0:14:15.840 --> 0:14:16.800 a fun time in your life, and I think you 0:14:16.800 --> 0:14:19.280 should be enjoying it. Well, thank you. Yeah. And I 0:14:19.320 --> 0:14:23.120 think when I turned one that will expand a lot, 0:14:23.160 --> 0:14:24.960 because then I can go to a lot more places 0:14:25.000 --> 0:14:27.920 and meet more people. You have so much time ahead 0:14:27.920 --> 0:14:29.560 of you. I don't think you need to rush anything. 0:14:30.280 --> 0:14:32.240 All right, Well, thank you so much. Yeah, thank you 0:14:32.280 --> 0:14:34.520 for calling in all. It is nice talking to you. 0:14:36.480 --> 0:14:39.240 Let's go to Ali in Wisconsin, which is my home state. 0:14:40.160 --> 0:14:43.760 Hello Ali from Wisconsin. This is Dean. How are you good? 0:14:43.800 --> 0:14:45.680 How are you? I'm good? So you're on with me? 0:14:45.760 --> 0:14:49.240 Mark easton Antonia. Even Antonia can't hear you. But what's 0:14:49.240 --> 0:14:53.560 your question for us? Um? Okay, so I've never had 0:14:53.600 --> 0:14:59.800 a boyfriend. Okay, I like a guy, but he has 0:14:59.840 --> 0:15:03.040 a girlfriend, and I don't want to be like rude 0:15:03.120 --> 0:15:08.680 and like talk to him. But how old are you? 0:15:10.640 --> 0:15:15.920 Your nineteen? Okay? So how old is he and his girlfriend? Um, 0:15:16.080 --> 0:15:19.360 he just turned twenty one and they think his girlfriend 0:15:19.440 --> 0:15:21.720 is the same age. And how long have they been dating? 0:15:21.760 --> 0:15:26.680 For um, at least a couple of months. What do 0:15:26.720 --> 0:15:31.280 you like about this guy? Ali? Um, while we were 0:15:31.600 --> 0:15:34.280 put together because I'm in college and we were like 0:15:34.320 --> 0:15:38.360 put together to work on a group project, and like 0:15:38.560 --> 0:15:41.760 he like every day he was like he always asked 0:15:41.800 --> 0:15:44.080 me how I was and I don't know. He was 0:15:44.120 --> 0:15:47.080 just a really nice guy. Sounds like a nice guy. Okay, 0:15:47.320 --> 0:15:49.720 I will say that. So my I have a similar 0:15:49.880 --> 0:15:52.480 experience with this. When I was in college, there was 0:15:52.480 --> 0:15:54.480 this girl that I really really liked. We were both 0:15:54.520 --> 0:15:56.880 in business school together. We both, um you know, had 0:15:56.920 --> 0:15:58.600 a lot of the same classes. Every once in a while, 0:15:58.640 --> 0:16:00.400 we were paired up to work on a group project together. 0:16:00.680 --> 0:16:02.720 She had a boyfriend and they had been dating I 0:16:02.720 --> 0:16:04.480 think since their freshman year all the way up through 0:16:04.520 --> 0:16:06.640 senior years, so quite a long time. Um, and I 0:16:06.720 --> 0:16:08.280 think the best thing that you can do is just 0:16:08.320 --> 0:16:10.600 be respectful of the relationship and obviously not try to 0:16:10.680 --> 0:16:13.720 pressure anything, but maintain like a solid friendship with this guy, 0:16:13.760 --> 0:16:15.720 because what I did was maintained a strong friendship with 0:16:15.720 --> 0:16:18.080 her as well. Um, you know, always be sure to 0:16:18.080 --> 0:16:20.480 to support her and even you know, their relationship in 0:16:20.520 --> 0:16:24.160 every way possible. And then if it's meant to be 0:16:24.240 --> 0:16:26.480 In this case, they broke up after graduation, in her 0:16:26.480 --> 0:16:28.800 and I were able to start dating after the fact. Um. 0:16:28.920 --> 0:16:31.440 But I think like once you're able to like, uh, 0:16:31.680 --> 0:16:35.280 build a friendship and allow you know, kind of you 0:16:35.360 --> 0:16:37.400 to get to understand him better, him to understand you better, 0:16:37.400 --> 0:16:39.640 and used to be able to continuously supporting him, that 0:16:39.680 --> 0:16:41.720 kind of shows a good side of you. And um, 0:16:41.760 --> 0:16:43.800 I think that's probably the best advice that I could give. You. 0:16:43.960 --> 0:16:46.040 Be the guy, Be the person that's there for him 0:16:46.160 --> 0:16:47.920 when he needs somebody, right like that? Where do you 0:16:47.960 --> 0:16:55.080 live in Wisconsin? Alley, Oh Claire home with the Blue GOLs? Um, 0:16:55.200 --> 0:16:58.360 here's my thought on miss and I I feel like 0:16:58.440 --> 0:17:00.000 and I don't want to offend you in any way, 0:17:00.000 --> 0:17:01.840 and I think I was in this position, I really do. 0:17:02.120 --> 0:17:03.800 I remember when I was in high school and I've 0:17:03.840 --> 0:17:06.440 never had a girlfriend before, and an upperclassman girl smiled 0:17:06.480 --> 0:17:08.959 at me one day, and I'm sure she thought nothing 0:17:09.119 --> 0:17:10.919 of it, and I was in love with her for 0:17:10.960 --> 0:17:13.680 four years after that. He was really nice to you, 0:17:14.119 --> 0:17:16.560 and I think you might be have inflated feelings for 0:17:16.640 --> 0:17:20.040 him because of the kindness that he showed you. Uh So, 0:17:20.080 --> 0:17:21.879 I don't know if he's the guy for you necessarily, 0:17:21.880 --> 0:17:23.440 but you'll find out if you take Dean's advice and 0:17:23.480 --> 0:17:25.200 get to know him and be his friend, you'll kind 0:17:25.200 --> 0:17:26.520 of find out if he's the guy for you and 0:17:26.560 --> 0:17:27.960 know the real thing, because I think he might be 0:17:28.000 --> 0:17:30.200 inflated a little bit in your mind right now, which 0:17:30.200 --> 0:17:32.359 is also another reason why you should realize it's not 0:17:32.359 --> 0:17:35.120 gonna happen overnight. It's it's it's throughout a long enough 0:17:35.160 --> 0:17:39.679 time maybe that that inflation of romanticism will either fade 0:17:39.760 --> 0:17:42.040 or continue to grow. It will give you a better 0:17:42.080 --> 0:17:44.080 chance to kind of assess it that way and understand 0:17:44.119 --> 0:17:45.600 him as a person. And it is a little bit 0:17:45.600 --> 0:17:47.359 more challenging because I guess you said you've never had 0:17:47.359 --> 0:17:48.800 a boyfriend, right, And I guess I had had a 0:17:48.840 --> 0:17:50.280 couple of girlfriends up to that point, so maybe I 0:17:50.320 --> 0:17:53.159 was a little more familiar with it. But um, I 0:17:53.200 --> 0:17:54.600 think that, yeah, I think that as long as you're 0:17:54.680 --> 0:17:57.280 kind of there and you, I just don't think that 0:17:57.280 --> 0:17:58.840 you should move too quickly with it. You should kind 0:17:58.840 --> 0:18:00.800 of let it play out. And you you don't want 0:18:00.840 --> 0:18:02.600 to get on her radar if somebody who's trying to 0:18:02.640 --> 0:18:06.879 take him away. All right, that's a good point. I see. 0:18:07.119 --> 0:18:09.560 All right, I have one last question, all right, late 0:18:09.640 --> 0:18:14.399 honest allly, Okay, So I was I didn't watch the 0:18:14.520 --> 0:18:18.200 season as a Bachelor, but I watched the bachelom Paradise, 0:18:18.200 --> 0:18:22.240 and I really want to know, is there any chance 0:18:22.280 --> 0:18:28.080 that you and Christina, whatever happen is again? Um? I mean, 0:18:28.280 --> 0:18:34.520 I think I think anything is possible. Um Um. I 0:18:34.560 --> 0:18:37.760 don't know. I think that there are there's a lot 0:18:37.760 --> 0:18:39.399 of things working against us, but there's also a lot 0:18:39.440 --> 0:18:42.960 of things working for us. Um. But it's it's really 0:18:43.000 --> 0:18:44.919