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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Keon and this is Dakota, your favorite

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Speaker 1: Okay Storytime hosts, and we've got some great stories coming up.

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Speaker 1: But before that, we have a two minute break from

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Speaker 1: the sponsors that keep the show going.

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Speaker 2: My boyfriend prohibited me from saying certain words and now

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Speaker 2: I'm at my wits end.

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Speaker 3: Don't let him tell you what to do.

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Speaker 2: Trigger warning for mentions of a harmful relationship. My boyfriend,

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Speaker 2: twenty seven male does not like it when I, twenty

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Speaker 2: seven female, use WTF while we are texting or chatting online.

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Speaker 2: WTF is something that I've been using since I was thirteen,

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Speaker 2: and honestly, it's a hard abbit to break. It's like

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Speaker 2: asking someone to stop typing lull or lmao. By the way,

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Speaker 2: this comes from Reddit girl one two five, and if

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Speaker 2: you want to submit your own stories, go to the

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Speaker 2: r slash Okay Storytime subpared it. I'm Sophia, I'm Carly,

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Speaker 2: and we're here to give good advice.

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Speaker 4: Goofy.

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Speaker 2: Well, we don't have all the answers. We only know

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Speaker 2: what we do, so let us know what you would

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Speaker 2: do in the comments. I know he doesn't like what

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Speaker 2: the F because it has the swear word in it.

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Speaker 2: And he has told me that it sounds very.

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Speaker 4: Rude to him.

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Speaker 2: Why I am not allowed to use what the F?

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Speaker 2: Because he says F a lot while we are together.

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Speaker 2: I told him that he uses the swear word too,

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Speaker 2: and his response was, so it's my fault. I can

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Speaker 2: sort of see how WTF can sound rude to people,

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Speaker 2: and I honestly have been trying my best to stop

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Speaker 2: using it, but today it just slipped because I was

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Speaker 2: shocked by something. Can someone help me understand his perspective?

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Speaker 2: Roland comments? Lynn says, is he controlling about other things too?

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Speaker 2: How long have you been together? Op says, not really

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Speaker 2: been together for two?

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Speaker 5: Much?

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Speaker 4: You mus break up?

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Speaker 2: Yeah? I imagine this is gonna get a lot worse.

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Speaker 3: I thought this was like, oh you're in No, I

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Speaker 3: think this is gonna be a lot worse.

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Speaker 4: Get out of there.

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Speaker 2: Lynn says, yeah, I thought it wasn't long. Listen, this

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Speaker 2: is just the beginning. There are all kinds of emotional

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Speaker 2: effory in your future. If you don't call him on

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Speaker 2: his BS when it happens, and probably even if you do,

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Speaker 2: I'm sorry what you want me to not say? F?

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Speaker 2: Why not?

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Speaker 4: You do?

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Speaker 2: But I can't. He'll give you some BS, and you'll

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Speaker 2: say something like, yeah, I'm not gonna not do something

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Speaker 2: that you do, and he can get mad, but you

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Speaker 2: can just say no and move on to some other

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Speaker 2: topic or activity. If he gets mad and treats you poorly,

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Speaker 2: calls you name, says other hurtful things, then you say

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Speaker 2: something like I won't be treated this way, and if

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Speaker 2: he doesn't stop, then you leave. But even if you

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Speaker 2: can't put your finger on why it's BS, you can

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Speaker 2: still just not agree and then make sure you don't

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Speaker 2: do it more often, because that would be childish and petty,

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Speaker 2: even if it would be satisfying when you're irritated with him,

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Speaker 2: But don't do it much less. An X of mine

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Speaker 2: said when we were about a month in that he

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Speaker 2: hated the way I spat when I brushed my teeth

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Speaker 2: newly out of a harmful relationship. I said a sorry,

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Speaker 2: in a sorry you feel that way kind of way,

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Speaker 2: and carefully because of the previous mistreatment, I had to

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Speaker 2: be careful not to fall into the same pattern of accommodation.

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Speaker 2: Did not change my behavior. We were together for a

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Speaker 2: year and it never came up again. I broke up

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Speaker 2: with him for unrelated reasons. It's entirely possible that this

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Speaker 2: isn't actually going to happen, But with the fact that

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Speaker 2: he got mad when you said, what theF I'd bet

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Speaker 2: a thousand dollars on emotional mistreatment within six months, and

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Speaker 2: with this going on so early, when it does happen,

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Speaker 2: it's going to be bad. Also, I'd bet more money

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Speaker 2: on him calling you a witch or otherwise getting jealous

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Speaker 2: and demonstrating that he has different standards for men and women,

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Speaker 2: particularly when it comes to spicy sleep. Oh Pie says,

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Speaker 2: I guess right now, I feel like my fault in

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Speaker 2: this is that I said I would stop, but I didn't.

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Speaker 2: I mean, I tried really hard, but I let it slip.

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Speaker 2: Do you think that he may be mad at the

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Speaker 2: fact I couldn't keep my promise more than the fact

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Speaker 2: that I used WTF. Even if it is that, I

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Speaker 2: still think he should be able to recognize that it

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Speaker 2: was a complete mistake, as it is a habitual behavior

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Speaker 2: for me, which is a hard thing to go cold

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Speaker 2: turkey on. Lead Dude shadow Man says. The issue isn't

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Speaker 2: if you said what the eff or not, or if

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Speaker 2: it's your fault, or if he should be mad or not.

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Speaker 2: The issue is you're dating a very controlling person who

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Speaker 2: got you to agree to never say the word WTF

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Speaker 2: and then gets mad at you when you use it,

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Speaker 2: even when you point out he uses the word too.

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Speaker 2: That's a huge and major issue and has nothing to

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Speaker 2: do with if you said WTF or not. You're only

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Speaker 2: two months in. Do you really want a data person

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Speaker 2: who makes rules like these for you? Why exactly did

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Speaker 2: you agree to these rules knowing that this rule is

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Speaker 2: not intended to apply to him at all, Op says,

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Speaker 2: I agreed because I thought that, even though I don't

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Speaker 2: see WTF as rude, if my partner takes it that way,

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Speaker 2: then I will try my best not to offend him. Also,

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Speaker 2: at the time, I thought that when he asked me

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Speaker 2: not to say WTF, he was implying that we both

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Speaker 2: should not swear, but I later realized that he continued

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Speaker 2: to swear. Oh, he continues. I am confused, though, because

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Speaker 2: I remember I've used the word f once or twice,

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Speaker 2: but he didn't care at all. But it is only

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Speaker 2: when I say the acronym WTF that he gets mad.

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Speaker 2: Me think that there's some history or specific meaning to

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Speaker 2: WTF that I am unaware of and there is an update. Wait, okay,

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Speaker 2: now I'm even more confused honestly, because yeah, she's allowed

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Speaker 2: to speak the word, but she can't type it. It's

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Speaker 2: imply type it.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, It's like he's perfectly fine with the actual word,

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Speaker 3: but then he's like, how dare you abbreviate?

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Speaker 2: He's like, you have to use it in its full

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Speaker 2: force otherwise it doesn't work. Update three days later. I

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Speaker 2: talked to my boyfriend after the incident, and this is

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Speaker 2: how it basically went down.

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Speaker 3: Me.

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Speaker 2: Are you still upset with me? Boyfriend? No, I don't

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Speaker 2: care anymore. You don't have to change yourself for me.

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Speaker 2: But just to let you know, I'm not attracted to

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Speaker 2: girls that say WTF often.

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Speaker 3: Me.

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Speaker 2: Is it just the acronym WTF or is it the

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Speaker 2: F word too? Boyfriend said both Me, okay, noted? Will

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Speaker 2: you stop swearing as well? Boyfriend? Okay, I really don't

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Speaker 2: like your attitude. Every time I bring up an issue,

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Speaker 2: you say, can you do it as well? Saying okay

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Speaker 2: noted was good enough. Let's not talk for a while.

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Speaker 3: I'll message me next week and I would consider that

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Speaker 3: a breakup.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I'd be like, Okay, we're actually I'm not gonna

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Speaker 2: message you next week. Yeah.

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Speaker 3: If I am not talking at least a check in daily,

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Speaker 3: I am considering that that's pretap unless there's like pre

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Speaker 3: conditions that you knew they wouldn't have service or something,

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Speaker 3: and this was prety plebsolutely, But if I'm not hearing

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Speaker 3: from you and it's because of something so stupid, we're

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Speaker 3: broken up.

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Speaker 4: Yeah me, okay.

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Speaker 2: I wanted to bring up issues such as why he

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Speaker 2: feels he can swear but I cannot. But as you

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Speaker 2: can see, I didn't even get to talk much as

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Speaker 2: he's refusing to talk to me until next week. Right now.

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Speaker 2: I do not mind, as I have a lot going

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Speaker 2: on on my plate right now and I don't want

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Speaker 2: to deal with anything until my stuff gets sorted out.

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Speaker 2: But I am appalled by his behavior. I do not

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Speaker 2: believe I displayed a bad attitude. I simply asked if

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Speaker 2: he's going to do the same because he swears as well.

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Speaker 2: Am I missing something here? Did I really display bad attitude?

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Speaker 2: And we've got some top comments. Sneakis says, this is

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Speaker 2: so sketchy on his part. He's basically complaining that you're

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Speaker 2: asking that he beheld to the same standard as you

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Speaker 2: are in your mind your equals. It's clear that in

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Speaker 2: his mind you're not. Honestly, I think you need to

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Speaker 2: take a good long look as to whether you should

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Speaker 2: continue a relationship with this guy. He sounds manipulative and controlling.

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Speaker 2: There is a second update.

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Speaker 3: I agree, he sounds manipulative and controlling. And a little

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Speaker 3: baby and a little baby, little baby, No, that's illegal.

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Speaker 2: You can't date a little baby.

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Speaker 3: Literally can't. You actually have to break up with him?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, update too one day after the last update. Hey guys, Wow,

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Speaker 2: I did not expect to get so many replies from

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Speaker 2: my update, but thank you all. Here is basically what happened.

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Speaker 2: Sorry if it ends up being a long post. It

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Speaker 2: didn't take me long to decide that I am done

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Speaker 2: with this guy woo. But I did leave my clothes

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Speaker 2: in his car, so I wanted them back. Unfortunately, he's

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Speaker 2: out of the country on a business trip for two

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Speaker 2: weeks or so, and he left his car at a

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Speaker 2: friend's house who happens to live in my neighborhood. Since

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Speaker 2: he explicitly told me not to contact him for a week,

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Speaker 2: I was going to take the advice of people here

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Speaker 2: and just never talk to him again, get my stuff quietly,

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Speaker 2: and tell him that it's over. I contacted his friend

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Speaker 2: and asked if I could come to his house to

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Speaker 2: pick it up so that it would be of no

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Speaker 2: inconvenience to him. His friend then offered to come to

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Speaker 2: my place and drop it off. An hour or so later,

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Speaker 2: I got a call from my now ex boyfriend, thank God,

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Speaker 2: who was flipping his crap, saying I was bothering his

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Speaker 2: friend and asking why I was so desperate to get

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Speaker 2: my stuff back. At this point, I think he's absolutely

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Speaker 2: crazy because his friend is the one who offered to

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Speaker 2: come to my place after I insisted twice that I

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Speaker 2: would pick it up whenever it was convenient for him.

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Speaker 2: He then rambles about how my clothes are probably only

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Speaker 2: worth twenty dollars and then offers me one hundred dollars

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Speaker 2: instead of giving me my stuff back. I tell him

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Speaker 2: I don't want his dirty money. I tell him he

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Speaker 2: is controlling and manipulative, and he tells me that he's

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Speaker 2: dropping me, not knowing I already did that a while ago.

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Speaker 2: He then blocked me. So, yeah, I'm not getting my

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Speaker 2: stuff back.

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Speaker 4: What do you mean?

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Speaker 3: Reach out to the friends stuff?

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Speaker 2: Reach out to the friends.

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Speaker 3: Kay, please bring my stuff, I'd be over there like hey,

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Speaker 3: alle we broke up to keear my stuff back.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. An hour later, he calls me again and says

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Speaker 2: that he does not want to burn bridges. He then

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Speaker 2: talks about how I will be successful in life, talks

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Speaker 2: about all the good traits I have, and then tells

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Speaker 2: me that he hopes I will not talk bad about

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Speaker 2: him to anyone he knows, because he cares a lot

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Speaker 2: about his image. He told me he is shocked that

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Speaker 2: I called him manipulative and controlling, as he's never heard

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Speaker 2: these words from anyone before and doesn't believe he is.

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Speaker 2: He then said, if I'm manipulative and controlling, why do

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Speaker 2: I have so many rich and successful friends. After that,

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Speaker 2: he tells me that I am immature and that he

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Speaker 2: is much more experienced in relationships because he has dated

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Speaker 2: more girls than I have dated guys. He keeps rambling

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Speaker 2: about how our city is small and that he's well known,

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Speaker 2: so he needs to keep keep up his reputation, and

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Speaker 2: he called me to make me feel better. He told

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Speaker 2: me that if I were to tell the whole world

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Speaker 2: about this situation, everyone would agree with him. I laughed

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Speaker 2: because I literally did ask the world, and practically no

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Speaker 2: one sided with him. I wanted to send in the link,

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Speaker 2: but he blocked me on everything. He did apologize for

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Speaker 2: being manipulative, controlling, and possessive, which really surprised me, but

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Speaker 2: he said it in an annoying tone that did not

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Speaker 2: sound sincere. But hey, at least I got some sort

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Speaker 2: of apology. He then tells me that he completely moved

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Speaker 2: on from the whole WTF incident a long time ago,

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Speaker 2: but he wanted to reinforce how bad it was so

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Speaker 2: that I never do it again. He said, if he

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Speaker 2: did not act mad, then I might think it's okay

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Speaker 2: and would do it again. This made me feel like

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Speaker 2: he was treating me like a doll that needs to

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Speaker 2: be trained and conditioned to do certain things. I can

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00:10:50,679 --> 00:10:54,000
Speaker 2: obviously see that this whole phone call was another manipulation

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00:10:54,080 --> 00:10:57,880
Speaker 2: attempt to keep my mouth shut. Yeah, antadad spread rumors

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Speaker 2: about him, which I was not gonna do anyway. So

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Speaker 2: I get mad and call him delusional and he calls

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Speaker 2: me crazy and hangs up. Maybe I could have dealt

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Speaker 2: with it more maturely and not let my anger get

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Speaker 2: to me, but I could only take so much and

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Speaker 2: I do not regret it. In good news, I feel

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Speaker 2: happy and free. I look forward to finding someone who

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Speaker 2: is the right man for me instead of being with

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Speaker 2: someone who is malicious. Thank you to everyone who responded

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Speaker 2: and took the time to read all the updates. And

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Speaker 2: that is the end of that story.

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Speaker 3: My fiance's affair still years of my life, and now

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Speaker 3: I want to start over.

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Speaker 2: Give me back those years.

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Speaker 3: I thirty one female, was with the same man forty

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Speaker 3: male for five years. He cheated three years in and

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Speaker 3: we reconcile. He did all the right things, therapy, listening,

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Speaker 3: understanding my triggers, communicating more. We were generally in a

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Speaker 3: much happier relationship. By the way, this comes from neither

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Speaker 3: assumption eight nine to five. And if you want to

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00:11:56,600 --> 00:11:59,000
Speaker 3: submit your own stories, go to the r slash okay

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Speaker 3: storytime subreddit. I'm Carly, I'm Sophia, and we're here to

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Speaker 3: give good advice. Goofily, but we don't have all the answers.

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Speaker 3: We only know what we would do, So let us

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00:12:07,200 --> 00:12:08,599
Speaker 3: know what you would do in the comments. Two and

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Speaker 3: a half years after I discovered the initial reconciliation, I

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Speaker 3: discovered a four to five month affair It rocked my

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Speaker 3: world because I had no idea. I later found out

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Speaker 3: he never stopped. He was messaging and seeking woman all

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Speaker 3: the time while working away, even though he called me

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Speaker 3: every night. Before bet, I had truly got to a

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Speaker 3: point of trusting him again. We even got engaged during

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Speaker 3: that time, and we're looking to buy a house. No.

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Speaker 3: I was surprised at myself because my initial reaction, despite

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Speaker 3: telling him I believe if he ever did anything like

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Speaker 3: that again, was to stay. I didn't want to give up.

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Speaker 3: He begged me not to, told me he didn't love

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Speaker 3: her and only loved me, that he didn't want to

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Speaker 3: lose me. He apologized and promised he would get help.

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Speaker 3: But a really wonderful doctor giving me results for the

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Speaker 3: STI test I had to get in secret to protect

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Speaker 3: myself change my mind. I had started crying when she

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Speaker 3: asked me why I was doing these tests. She got

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Speaker 3: me tissues and didn't push. I told her what happened.

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Speaker 3: She looked so sad. I kept apologizing, and she grabbed

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Speaker 3: my hand in hers and told me, this is huge.

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00:13:14,000 --> 00:13:16,360
Speaker 3: This is a really big thing. Because my ex partner

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Speaker 3: had been downplaying his infidelity the entire time. It really

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00:13:20,480 --> 00:13:22,480
Speaker 3: struck me to hear from a stranger that it was

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00:13:22,520 --> 00:13:24,959
Speaker 3: as big as it felt. She then asked me if

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Speaker 3: I had family and friends to support me, and said

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Speaker 3: there was a life before him, and there will be

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Speaker 3: life after him.

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Speaker 2: Damn. Shout out to that doctor.

295
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Speaker 3: Wow, it really didn't feel like there would be at

296
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Speaker 3: the time. I'll never forget that kindness shown to me

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00:13:39,280 --> 00:13:41,840
Speaker 3: by a doctor I never met before. It made me

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00:13:41,920 --> 00:13:45,080
Speaker 3: realize I had to go, that if I stayed, this

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00:13:45,280 --> 00:13:49,360
Speaker 3: would happen again and again. This was further proved when

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Speaker 3: I told my ex fiance I was leaving, and he

301
00:13:52,000 --> 00:13:54,959
Speaker 3: was shocked, genuinely shocked that I was choosing to go.

302
00:13:55,160 --> 00:13:57,320
Speaker 3: It was like it hadn't even crossed his mind that

303
00:13:57,320 --> 00:13:59,800
Speaker 3: this would be an outcome that I'd be strong enough

304
00:13:59,840 --> 00:14:03,080
Speaker 3: to I wish I could say I thrived, but I didn't.

305
00:14:03,360 --> 00:14:07,040
Speaker 3: I went no contact immediately. I moved out and luckily

306
00:14:07,160 --> 00:14:09,920
Speaker 3: had a lot of pride, only staying in contact with

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00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:12,720
Speaker 3: him to arrange our separation for about a month. I

308
00:14:12,840 --> 00:14:16,439
Speaker 3: never answered any of his contact again. He immediately moved

309
00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:19,680
Speaker 3: on with his affair partner. They were engaged and pregnant

310
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Speaker 3: within the next year. It absolutely wrecked me.

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Speaker 2: Oh my goodness. I mean, I understand, like understandably so,

312
00:14:27,480 --> 00:14:30,720
Speaker 2: but you know, just I hope you know now that

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00:14:30,880 --> 00:14:33,600
Speaker 2: this guy is not worth your time and you are

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00:14:33,920 --> 00:14:35,360
Speaker 2: much better off without him.

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Speaker 3: Two years out from this whole thing, I accidentally saw

316
00:14:38,360 --> 00:14:41,320
Speaker 3: a blurry photo of their wedding and had a panic attack.

317
00:14:41,480 --> 00:14:44,000
Speaker 3: I had blocked both of them on social media straight away.

318
00:14:44,480 --> 00:14:46,720
Speaker 3: I never had any issues with checking in on them

319
00:14:46,760 --> 00:14:49,400
Speaker 3: because it hurt too much to even think about, and

320
00:14:49,480 --> 00:14:51,720
Speaker 3: I didn't want to know. I'm sure that helped me,

321
00:14:51,960 --> 00:14:55,120
Speaker 3: So please leave well enough alone and don't check up

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00:14:55,160 --> 00:14:57,880
Speaker 3: on your ex. I've luckily not seen him or her

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00:14:57,960 --> 00:15:02,000
Speaker 3: in three years. Anything I've ever heard about them was secondhand.

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00:15:02,360 --> 00:15:05,280
Speaker 3: It still hurts, just nowhere near as much. It's more

325
00:15:05,320 --> 00:15:08,440
Speaker 3: that they got to be together after everything that I'm

326
00:15:08,480 --> 00:15:11,360
Speaker 3: still single and still healing and they aren't. They made

327
00:15:11,440 --> 00:15:14,760
Speaker 3: fun of me behind my back, lied to me, laughed

328
00:15:14,760 --> 00:15:17,560
Speaker 3: about it, and they still got the better outcome. While

329
00:15:17,600 --> 00:15:20,480
Speaker 3: I was single and moving into a small apartment starting

330
00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:23,160
Speaker 3: over again at zero, I went from planning a wedding,

331
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Speaker 3: talking about kids, and looking at houses to just nothing.

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Speaker 3: That's what hurt. I get better every day. I didn't

333
00:15:29,560 --> 00:15:31,920
Speaker 3: think it would take nearly this long to be okay again.

334
00:15:32,160 --> 00:15:34,960
Speaker 3: It was probably two years on that I really started

335
00:15:34,960 --> 00:15:38,480
Speaker 3: to feel actually okay. Some kind of normal good things

336
00:15:38,520 --> 00:15:41,160
Speaker 3: have happened in the last three years. I met my

337
00:15:41,320 --> 00:15:44,600
Speaker 3: best friend I've ever had, got the best paying job

338
00:15:44,640 --> 00:15:48,280
Speaker 3: I've ever had, went overseas, and made so many fun memories.

339
00:15:48,360 --> 00:15:50,520
Speaker 3: But it hung over me even when I didn't want

340
00:15:50,520 --> 00:15:52,800
Speaker 3: it to. I realized that it was because I was

341
00:15:52,840 --> 00:15:56,200
Speaker 3: hanging on for justice. I wanted their a fair turned

342
00:15:56,240 --> 00:15:59,760
Speaker 3: relationship to implode. I wanted the feeling of hearing they

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00:15:59,760 --> 00:16:02,840
Speaker 3: broke and that I got the last laugh. I really

344
00:16:02,840 --> 00:16:05,760
Speaker 3: thought I would. So many people said this would likely happen,

345
00:16:05,880 --> 00:16:08,360
Speaker 3: but it didn't happen for me. It's been the last

346
00:16:08,400 --> 00:16:10,800
Speaker 3: few months that I've grown to accept that this is

347
00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:13,840
Speaker 3: likely not going to happen, and that I need to

348
00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:15,640
Speaker 3: be okay with it. I need to just let it

349
00:16:15,680 --> 00:16:19,120
Speaker 3: go because I've been getting dragged down. I keep reminding

350
00:16:19,120 --> 00:16:21,520
Speaker 3: myself that I'm better than the two people who made

351
00:16:21,520 --> 00:16:24,120
Speaker 3: fun of me behind my back while they secretly met,

352
00:16:24,480 --> 00:16:27,280
Speaker 3: who turned my life into their little fun game of

353
00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:30,760
Speaker 3: secret lovers, and didn't give a dang about me in

354
00:16:30,800 --> 00:16:34,720
Speaker 3: the process. My ex fiance was actually not a good man.

355
00:16:34,920 --> 00:16:38,040
Speaker 3: He was charming and funny, but he was also extremely

356
00:16:38,120 --> 00:16:40,720
Speaker 3: angry and selfish. Now she has to do with him

357
00:16:40,800 --> 00:16:44,680
Speaker 3: throwing things and yelling and lying all the time, not me.

358
00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:47,800
Speaker 3: He locked her in so quick with a baby and

359
00:16:47,920 --> 00:16:50,760
Speaker 3: marriage before she could see the real hymn. He did

360
00:16:50,800 --> 00:16:52,840
Speaker 3: the same with me. He wanted to get married and

361
00:16:52,960 --> 00:16:56,080
Speaker 3: have children really quickly, and I pushed back, saying we

362
00:16:56,120 --> 00:16:59,600
Speaker 3: should wait. I'm so happy I did this. It took

363
00:16:59,680 --> 00:17:01,840
Speaker 3: a moo moving in and living together for a few

364
00:17:01,880 --> 00:17:03,800
Speaker 3: months to see the real hymn. But I was so

365
00:17:03,960 --> 00:17:06,760
Speaker 3: in love by that time. I didn't leave. My family

366
00:17:06,760 --> 00:17:09,159
Speaker 3: and friends were so happy I left him. I was

367
00:17:09,200 --> 00:17:11,480
Speaker 3: confused at the time because I truly thought he was

368
00:17:11,520 --> 00:17:13,600
Speaker 3: the love of my life. But they could see what

369
00:17:13,680 --> 00:17:16,760
Speaker 3: kind of man he was because they weren't blinded. I'm

370
00:17:16,840 --> 00:17:20,640
Speaker 3: lucky I got out, maybe humiliated in the process, but

371
00:17:20,800 --> 00:17:23,600
Speaker 3: I got out. I have goals this year I want

372
00:17:23,640 --> 00:17:26,000
Speaker 3: to accomplish. I gained a lot of weight during that

373
00:17:26,080 --> 00:17:29,000
Speaker 3: whole or deal because of comfort eating. I haven't been

374
00:17:29,040 --> 00:17:31,639
Speaker 3: able to lose it over the last three years. I

375
00:17:31,680 --> 00:17:34,080
Speaker 3: don't think I was in the right headspace, but I

376
00:17:34,119 --> 00:17:36,639
Speaker 3: know getting back to feeling comfortable in my own skin

377
00:17:36,760 --> 00:17:39,440
Speaker 3: will help a lot. I want to try dating, even

378
00:17:39,480 --> 00:17:41,880
Speaker 3: though it scares the heck out of me. All up,

379
00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:44,919
Speaker 3: that man has stolen eight years from me, and I

380
00:17:44,960 --> 00:17:46,879
Speaker 3: know I let him hang over the last three I

381
00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:50,159
Speaker 3: had that I let him steal more time when he

382
00:17:50,240 --> 00:17:52,280
Speaker 3: wasn't even here. But I don't want him to steal

383
00:17:52,359 --> 00:17:54,560
Speaker 3: the rest of my life from me. I hope I

384
00:17:54,640 --> 00:17:56,719
Speaker 3: never have to deal with this kind of thing again.

385
00:17:56,840 --> 00:17:59,600
Speaker 3: But for anyone who's going through this, it does get

386
00:17:59,640 --> 00:18:02,760
Speaker 3: better eventually. Some people get better sooner than others, and

387
00:18:02,880 --> 00:18:04,080
Speaker 3: some take a little time.

388
00:18:04,160 --> 00:18:04,399
Speaker 2: Like me.

389
00:18:04,600 --> 00:18:06,840
Speaker 3: There was a time where I thought I'd think about

390
00:18:06,880 --> 00:18:10,439
Speaker 3: it about him every single day for the rest of

391
00:18:10,480 --> 00:18:13,240
Speaker 3: my life. But I don't think about him every day anymore.

392
00:18:13,400 --> 00:18:15,720
Speaker 3: So that's me. I just thought i'd get this out

393
00:18:15,800 --> 00:18:18,159
Speaker 3: and maybe it would help someone. We have an update.

394
00:18:18,240 --> 00:18:20,879
Speaker 2: Seems like you were doing very well.

395
00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:23,440
Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't think you're giving yourself enough credit here. Yeah,

396
00:18:23,480 --> 00:18:24,200
Speaker 3: you're doing great.

397
00:18:24,359 --> 00:18:27,800
Speaker 2: Like you realize that you got out of that situation,

398
00:18:27,920 --> 00:18:28,760
Speaker 2: and that's good.

399
00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:31,440
Speaker 3: You immediately were able to go no contact. Yeah, a

400
00:18:31,480 --> 00:18:32,320
Speaker 3: lot of people can't.

401
00:18:32,440 --> 00:18:34,560
Speaker 2: You have the support of your family. You don't have

402
00:18:34,600 --> 00:18:36,439
Speaker 2: any attachments your own place.

403
00:18:36,560 --> 00:18:39,560
Speaker 3: Now update, I'm just leaving this year in the hopes

404
00:18:39,560 --> 00:18:42,560
Speaker 3: that someone will walk away, rather than try to reconcile

405
00:18:42,680 --> 00:18:44,520
Speaker 3: like I did. If I had known that these are

406
00:18:44,600 --> 00:18:48,840
Speaker 3: common ways cheaters act, I wouldn't have even tried. I

407
00:18:48,840 --> 00:18:51,119
Speaker 3: would have realized exactly the kind of person I was

408
00:18:51,160 --> 00:18:53,720
Speaker 3: dealing with, that the one I thought was the love

409
00:18:53,760 --> 00:18:56,520
Speaker 3: of my life was actually just a crappy person. So

410
00:18:56,640 --> 00:18:59,280
Speaker 3: here are some personal things I heard and went through

411
00:18:59,440 --> 00:19:02,640
Speaker 3: in my experience. They would rather pull their teeth than

412
00:19:02,760 --> 00:19:05,240
Speaker 3: actually tell the whole truth once you're caught, they only

413
00:19:05,280 --> 00:19:07,359
Speaker 3: tell you what they think you know. Here are some

414
00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:09,960
Speaker 3: examples of what cheaters say to keep the extent of

415
00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:13,480
Speaker 3: their lies covered up. We're just friends, You're crazy. I'm

416
00:19:13,520 --> 00:19:18,080
Speaker 3: allowed to have friends. Nothing has ever happened. We only text. Sometimes.

417
00:19:18,200 --> 00:19:21,080
Speaker 3: You can even check my phone. They will never offer

418
00:19:21,119 --> 00:19:24,400
Speaker 3: their phone unless they've deleted everything or think it's well

419
00:19:24,560 --> 00:19:27,720
Speaker 3: hidden enough that you won't find it, like on hidden apps.

420
00:19:27,920 --> 00:19:30,520
Speaker 3: My ex used to have his affair under a man's

421
00:19:30,600 --> 00:19:33,240
Speaker 3: name in his phone and would delete messages and calls.

422
00:19:33,320 --> 00:19:36,240
Speaker 3: He would DM women but never add them on social media.

423
00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:38,840
Speaker 3: If you ask for their phone and they know something's

424
00:19:38,880 --> 00:19:40,800
Speaker 3: on there, they will do one of two things when

425
00:19:40,840 --> 00:19:43,280
Speaker 3: backed into a corner, call your bluff and hope you

426
00:19:43,320 --> 00:19:45,960
Speaker 3: don't find what they know is there, or they will

427
00:19:46,000 --> 00:19:49,320
Speaker 3: lose their mind and do anything so you can't get proof.

428
00:19:49,520 --> 00:19:52,480
Speaker 3: My ex happily handed over his phone when I asked,

429
00:19:52,840 --> 00:19:55,480
Speaker 3: and the way he openly did it made me feel better.

430
00:19:55,480 --> 00:19:58,280
Speaker 3: At first, I ended up finding messages and photos sent

431
00:19:58,359 --> 00:20:01,440
Speaker 3: from a different girl not suspected a fair partner that

432
00:20:01,720 --> 00:20:04,159
Speaker 3: he forgot about. He ripped the phone out of my

433
00:20:04,240 --> 00:20:06,840
Speaker 3: hand and said, let me look, I don't remember that.

434
00:20:06,920 --> 00:20:09,199
Speaker 3: He then told me he did remember that, and she

435
00:20:09,359 --> 00:20:12,720
Speaker 3: was apparently sending him photos but he didn't ask for them,

436
00:20:12,800 --> 00:20:14,200
Speaker 3: and they came out of nowhere.

437
00:20:14,359 --> 00:20:17,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, he's in the He's in the text conversation being

438
00:20:17,040 --> 00:20:20,720
Speaker 2: like these are beautiful bibs. Send me more, and he's like, well,

439
00:20:20,760 --> 00:20:24,520
Speaker 2: I didn't ask her to send me those. I'm simply

440
00:20:24,560 --> 00:20:25,760
Speaker 2: appreciating the art.

441
00:20:25,920 --> 00:20:28,320
Speaker 3: He deleted the whole message thread before I could read

442
00:20:28,359 --> 00:20:32,280
Speaker 3: anymore and said it wasn't important and he apparently didn't

443
00:20:32,320 --> 00:20:35,200
Speaker 3: want it on his phone. Do I wish I left

444
00:20:35,280 --> 00:20:39,360
Speaker 3: right then? And there? Absolutely did? I? No, he convinced

445
00:20:39,400 --> 00:20:41,720
Speaker 3: me it was nothing, and he deleted it because he

446
00:20:41,800 --> 00:20:45,480
Speaker 3: already thought he had and he never engaged with her. Naturally,

447
00:20:45,560 --> 00:20:49,080
Speaker 3: I couldn't prove otherwise, and because cheeters are so charming

448
00:20:49,119 --> 00:20:52,440
Speaker 3: and manipulative, he convinced me it was true. You will

449
00:20:52,440 --> 00:20:55,159
Speaker 3: look back on the lies you believed and genuinely think

450
00:20:55,240 --> 00:20:58,520
Speaker 3: to yourself, what on earth was I thinking believing something

451
00:20:58,600 --> 00:21:02,120
Speaker 3: so stupid. My advice, as much as you want to confront,

452
00:21:02,359 --> 00:21:06,560
Speaker 3: try and gather evidence first. If you confront before finding proof,

453
00:21:06,840 --> 00:21:09,159
Speaker 3: you are never going to know the extent of it.

454
00:21:09,600 --> 00:21:12,520
Speaker 3: That's easier said than done, because they are very good

455
00:21:12,560 --> 00:21:14,639
Speaker 3: at hiding things, and it's hard not to have an

456
00:21:14,640 --> 00:21:17,680
Speaker 3: emotional reaction when you think your partner's cheating. If you're

457
00:21:17,720 --> 00:21:20,399
Speaker 3: gonna act like this, I'll just delete everything and then

458
00:21:20,480 --> 00:21:23,639
Speaker 3: not talk to anyone. Then I won't have any social

459
00:21:23,760 --> 00:21:27,359
Speaker 3: media or fine, I'll delete them. It's not a big deal.

460
00:21:27,840 --> 00:21:30,240
Speaker 3: By the way, they will tell that person, oh, my

461
00:21:30,400 --> 00:21:33,680
Speaker 3: partner is making me delete you on here, and they'll

462
00:21:33,720 --> 00:21:36,480
Speaker 3: find an alternate way to contact each other. You become

463
00:21:36,480 --> 00:21:39,160
Speaker 3: more of a villain in their little love story. They

464
00:21:39,160 --> 00:21:41,560
Speaker 3: will make everything you do seem like you're the worst

465
00:21:41,640 --> 00:21:43,840
Speaker 3: person in the world to they're a fair partner, and

466
00:21:44,000 --> 00:21:46,560
Speaker 3: be a fair partner, will agree with them. I once

467
00:21:46,600 --> 00:21:48,959
Speaker 3: asked my ex, who was upset I was making him

468
00:21:49,040 --> 00:21:52,400
Speaker 3: delete an apparently good friend just because I was jealous,

469
00:21:52,800 --> 00:21:55,200
Speaker 3: that if she was such a good friend, why haven't

470
00:21:55,240 --> 00:21:58,000
Speaker 3: I met her. We've been dating for years. I've met

471
00:21:58,000 --> 00:22:01,119
Speaker 3: all your other friends good, So why not good what

472
00:22:02,200 --> 00:22:05,160
Speaker 3: he responded by telling me I could meet her. He'd

473
00:22:05,240 --> 00:22:07,560
Speaker 3: arrange it so I could see. I was just upset

474
00:22:07,600 --> 00:22:11,440
Speaker 3: for nothing. Naturally, this never happened. Oh so you found

475
00:22:11,480 --> 00:22:14,240
Speaker 3: out we met up a few times? Well, yeah we did,

476
00:22:14,320 --> 00:22:16,119
Speaker 3: but I didn't tell you that because I know how

477
00:22:16,160 --> 00:22:19,040
Speaker 3: you get. And nothing happened. We're just friends. What do

478
00:22:19,119 --> 00:22:21,840
Speaker 3: you mean you found inappropriate messages in my phone? Why

479
00:22:21,840 --> 00:22:25,359
Speaker 3: are you invading my privacy? Okay, so we exchanged photos.

480
00:22:25,480 --> 00:22:27,400
Speaker 3: I know I shouldn't have let that happen, but they're

481
00:22:27,440 --> 00:22:32,320
Speaker 3: just photos, nothing more than that. Okay, Okay, we did kiss,

482
00:22:32,920 --> 00:22:36,240
Speaker 3: but I immediately regretted it, and that's that's all that happened.

483
00:22:36,720 --> 00:22:39,040
Speaker 3: I never meant to hurt you. I didn't tell you

484
00:22:39,080 --> 00:22:42,040
Speaker 3: because I knew it to upset you, and it meant nothing.

485
00:22:42,520 --> 00:22:46,120
Speaker 3: Oh you found out we went to a hotel together. Yeah, yeah,

486
00:22:46,200 --> 00:22:49,200
Speaker 3: yeah we did, but we just talked. I swear we

487
00:22:49,760 --> 00:22:53,320
Speaker 3: didn't have spicy sleep because I wouldn't do that to you.

488
00:22:53,840 --> 00:22:55,280
Speaker 2: I told you we never.

489
00:22:55,080 --> 00:22:58,399
Speaker 3: Had spicy sleep. I wouldn't do that to you. Oh

490
00:22:58,720 --> 00:23:00,920
Speaker 3: so you found the messages were we were talking about

491
00:23:00,960 --> 00:23:04,199
Speaker 3: having spicy sleep. Okay, we did have spicy sleep, but

492
00:23:04,840 --> 00:23:07,560
Speaker 3: I didn't tell you because it meant nothing. I didn't

493
00:23:07,600 --> 00:23:10,639
Speaker 3: want to hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you.

494
00:23:10,640 --> 00:23:13,199
Speaker 3: You only know about one time, so it only happened

495
00:23:13,200 --> 00:23:16,359
Speaker 3: one time. They swear, But wait, you found out about

496
00:23:16,359 --> 00:23:19,600
Speaker 3: another two times, so suddenly it's okay, But it was

497
00:23:19,720 --> 00:23:20,520
Speaker 3: three times.

498
00:23:20,600 --> 00:23:21,119
Speaker 2: That's it.

499
00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:24,160
Speaker 3: I'm being honest. I never loved them. I only ever

500
00:23:24,200 --> 00:23:27,160
Speaker 3: loved you. Oh so you found messages where I'm telling

501
00:23:27,240 --> 00:23:28,400
Speaker 3: them how much I loved them.

502
00:23:28,600 --> 00:23:31,000
Speaker 2: Okay, I was lying to them, not you.

503
00:23:31,119 --> 00:23:33,159
Speaker 3: It's only been going on for a month. Oh you

504
00:23:33,240 --> 00:23:36,439
Speaker 3: found messages from four months back. Well, we were just

505
00:23:36,560 --> 00:23:39,280
Speaker 3: friends then. It wasn't like that, it was just texting.

506
00:23:39,320 --> 00:23:42,600
Speaker 3: Nothing was even going on. My personal favorite when confronted

507
00:23:42,600 --> 00:23:46,080
Speaker 3: with evidence proving they were lying, was I forgot that

508
00:23:46,600 --> 00:23:48,960
Speaker 3: or I didn't remember that until now.

509
00:23:49,200 --> 00:23:51,480
Speaker 2: I don't remember having spicy to sleep, but they're.

510
00:23:51,440 --> 00:23:54,280
Speaker 3: See how quickly the story changes. It's who they are.

511
00:23:54,560 --> 00:23:56,919
Speaker 3: They are well aware of what they're doing, and they

512
00:23:56,960 --> 00:23:59,199
Speaker 3: will do anything to get you to stay because you

513
00:23:59,280 --> 00:24:02,520
Speaker 3: are there the main source of validation. If people found

514
00:24:02,560 --> 00:24:05,080
Speaker 3: out what kind of person they are, because God forbid

515
00:24:05,119 --> 00:24:08,679
Speaker 3: you tell people what they did, they would explode. People

516
00:24:08,760 --> 00:24:12,720
Speaker 3: capable of this level of lying will always continue to lie.

517
00:24:12,880 --> 00:24:15,240
Speaker 3: They think they're smarter than you. Don't let them be.

518
00:24:15,440 --> 00:24:17,600
Speaker 3: They will try to downplay the whole thing, and it

519
00:24:17,640 --> 00:24:20,320
Speaker 3: makes you doubt how serious it is. If you want

520
00:24:20,359 --> 00:24:23,560
Speaker 3: to reconcile, I'd never tell you not to. It's your life.

521
00:24:24,080 --> 00:24:26,359
Speaker 3: I did it, and I'd say ninety percent of people

522
00:24:26,400 --> 00:24:29,359
Speaker 3: on this sub tried to reconcile, but I really wish

523
00:24:29,400 --> 00:24:33,040
Speaker 3: I didn't. My biggest regret is not respecting myself enough

524
00:24:33,160 --> 00:24:35,960
Speaker 3: and letting someone treat me like that. I'd also advise

525
00:24:36,000 --> 00:24:39,560
Speaker 3: that there's more than you know. This isn't likely the

526
00:24:39,600 --> 00:24:43,000
Speaker 3: first instance of cheating, just the first you know about.

527
00:24:43,080 --> 00:24:45,520
Speaker 3: Coming on this sub during the second D day really

528
00:24:45,560 --> 00:24:48,640
Speaker 3: opened my eyes to how common this was and how

529
00:24:48,680 --> 00:24:52,000
Speaker 3: many stories matched my own so closely, how they all

530
00:24:52,040 --> 00:24:54,840
Speaker 3: act so similar, like they've read a handbook on how

531
00:24:54,880 --> 00:24:57,560
Speaker 3: to cheat. I realize so many other people felt like me,

532
00:24:57,920 --> 00:25:00,680
Speaker 3: that they felt like they were the exception and their

533
00:25:00,760 --> 00:25:03,840
Speaker 3: partner was not like the other cheaters because of all

534
00:25:03,880 --> 00:25:06,679
Speaker 3: the excuses I had for them, But they were. And

535
00:25:06,720 --> 00:25:09,359
Speaker 3: I'm so happy I got out of there. I never

536
00:25:09,440 --> 00:25:13,200
Speaker 3: regretted leaving, but I sure as heck regret staying as

537
00:25:13,400 --> 00:25:17,840
Speaker 3: long as I did. Good for you, Op, Yeah, honestly

538
00:25:17,880 --> 00:25:19,960
Speaker 3: a good, very great way too, of just wording like

539
00:25:20,119 --> 00:25:22,159
Speaker 3: everything flot out, this is how they do it, and

540
00:25:22,200 --> 00:25:23,080
Speaker 3: that is how they do it.

541
00:25:23,520 --> 00:25:26,080
Speaker 2: You know, hopefully this will help other people that are

542
00:25:26,160 --> 00:25:28,359
Speaker 2: going through this or you know, have gone through this.

543
00:25:28,520 --> 00:25:29,600
Speaker 2: A good job, BOPI.

544
00:25:29,480 --> 00:25:30,439
Speaker 3: That's the end of that story.

545
00:25:31,160 --> 00:25:34,359
Speaker 2: I gave my fiance a chance to reconcile, and it's

546
00:25:34,400 --> 00:25:36,280
Speaker 2: the worst decision I did.

547
00:25:36,600 --> 00:25:38,040
Speaker 4: I made a mistake.

548
00:25:38,400 --> 00:25:41,800
Speaker 2: Together for two years, had just moved in together. Male

549
00:25:41,920 --> 00:25:44,760
Speaker 2: thirty six, male twenty nine, Male twenty nine cheated with

550
00:25:44,920 --> 00:25:49,800
Speaker 2: about ten to fifteen others on twenty plus occasions, while

551
00:25:49,880 --> 00:25:52,640
Speaker 2: telling me he couldn't because he was hurt. Because I'm

552
00:25:52,680 --> 00:25:55,400
Speaker 2: a caring person, I never pushed the issue. By the way,

553
00:25:55,440 --> 00:25:58,600
Speaker 2: this comes from a lefisent cod. Twelve twenty eight. And

554
00:25:58,680 --> 00:26:00,119
Speaker 2: if you want to smit your own stories, good the

555
00:26:00,160 --> 00:26:03,720
Speaker 2: garslash Okay, storytime subured it. I'm Sophia, I'm Angie. We're

556
00:26:03,720 --> 00:26:05,280
Speaker 2: here to give good advice, Goofley, but we don't have

557
00:26:05,320 --> 00:26:05,920
Speaker 2: all the answers.

558
00:26:06,119 --> 00:26:07,000
Speaker 4: We only know what we'd do.

559
00:26:07,200 --> 00:26:08,880
Speaker 2: So let's know what you would do in the comments

560
00:26:09,040 --> 00:26:14,000
Speaker 2: trying reconciliation, I'm insane. Yes, next week is six months.

561
00:26:14,200 --> 00:26:17,840
Speaker 2: I will be ending things officially tomorrow. To my knowledge,

562
00:26:17,880 --> 00:26:20,960
Speaker 2: I have not been cheated on again. But here is

563
00:26:21,040 --> 00:26:23,719
Speaker 2: the most important part that everyone that just had their

564
00:26:23,760 --> 00:26:26,600
Speaker 2: whirl rocks should realize. From someone who really did give

565
00:26:26,640 --> 00:26:28,680
Speaker 2: someone a chance who had no reason to get one.

566
00:26:28,760 --> 00:26:30,960
Speaker 2: Even if they never cheat on you ever again, you'll

567
00:26:31,000 --> 00:26:33,960
Speaker 2: always be wondering if they are, and it will rob

568
00:26:34,040 --> 00:26:37,600
Speaker 2: your life of all joy forever. These people are masters

569
00:26:37,640 --> 00:26:40,760
Speaker 2: at deception. They know what detail to drop at just

570
00:26:40,840 --> 00:26:43,159
Speaker 2: the right time to throw you off the trail of

571
00:26:43,200 --> 00:26:46,600
Speaker 2: something not happening for weeks or months down the road.

572
00:26:46,680 --> 00:26:50,840
Speaker 2: Their memories are conveniently selective. They're hot and cold. They're

573
00:26:50,880 --> 00:26:53,480
Speaker 2: not like the rest of us. What changed for me

574
00:26:53,720 --> 00:26:57,240
Speaker 2: the anger anytime I felt like I was being disrespected.

575
00:26:57,359 --> 00:27:01,879
Speaker 2: Even unintentionally, it would trigger an in rage. The level

576
00:27:01,920 --> 00:27:04,359
Speaker 2: of disrespect it takes to look someone in the eye

577
00:27:04,400 --> 00:27:07,240
Speaker 2: and say I love you, only to have someone sleep

578
00:27:07,280 --> 00:27:10,280
Speaker 2: in your bed while you're gone is the working of monsters.

579
00:27:10,520 --> 00:27:13,520
Speaker 2: Now I spend my days more angry than happy. When

580
00:27:13,520 --> 00:27:15,800
Speaker 2: I look at him, I see an empty human who

581
00:27:15,840 --> 00:27:18,280
Speaker 2: isn't capable of loving the way I do. And it's

582
00:27:18,320 --> 00:27:21,480
Speaker 2: pathetic how a human lacks the basic ability to not

583
00:27:21,600 --> 00:27:25,040
Speaker 2: love someone else but to be loved. Ultimately, my body

584
00:27:25,080 --> 00:27:27,760
Speaker 2: forced the choice to end things when mentally I could not.

585
00:27:28,359 --> 00:27:30,639
Speaker 2: You can either get ahead of it by being stronger

586
00:27:30,680 --> 00:27:33,480
Speaker 2: than I was, or you're just gonna feel the emotions

587
00:27:34,000 --> 00:27:37,000
Speaker 2: until ultimately the perception you have of your partner change

588
00:27:37,040 --> 00:27:41,159
Speaker 2: is entirely get out. Reconciliation in the best case scenario

589
00:27:41,280 --> 00:27:43,639
Speaker 2: means you're paranoid the rest of your life. You are

590
00:27:43,680 --> 00:27:46,000
Speaker 2: better than that. That was all just like a Ope,

591
00:27:46,000 --> 00:27:49,000
Speaker 2: he's partner cheated and he is coming to the realization

592
00:27:49,119 --> 00:27:50,080
Speaker 2: that he needs to leave.

593
00:27:50,240 --> 00:27:54,760
Speaker 4: Yeah, there's not really like anything else for us to say. Again, Yeah,

594
00:27:55,040 --> 00:27:56,640
Speaker 4: just get it out, Bud, get it get it out.

595
00:27:56,680 --> 00:27:59,840
Speaker 2: We're here. Yeah, it's been seven months since D Day,

596
00:28:00,080 --> 00:28:03,119
Speaker 2: the anger and confusion finally just consumed me. I was

597
00:28:03,200 --> 00:28:06,680
Speaker 2: never violent, but the lack of accountability and continuous lies

598
00:28:06,760 --> 00:28:09,639
Speaker 2: and uncertainty were causing me to lose who I was

599
00:28:09,760 --> 00:28:12,040
Speaker 2: as a person. And I knew that I was cheated

600
00:28:12,080 --> 00:28:15,440
Speaker 2: on serially twenty plus times. They filmed and saved the

601
00:28:15,520 --> 00:28:19,320
Speaker 2: videos of each encounter. Oh God, pray to them with

602
00:28:19,359 --> 00:28:21,840
Speaker 2: friends I didn't know, all while claiming they had a

603
00:28:21,880 --> 00:28:25,560
Speaker 2: spicy related injury so I wouldn't suspect anything. Genuinely, this

604
00:28:25,680 --> 00:28:28,040
Speaker 2: is the only relationship I've had where I can say

605
00:28:28,080 --> 00:28:30,240
Speaker 2: I did everything right and it wasn't enough. I was

606
00:28:30,280 --> 00:28:33,040
Speaker 2: having a panic attack and crisis today and he went

607
00:28:33,080 --> 00:28:35,160
Speaker 2: to work. They said we would talk. When he got home,

608
00:28:35,440 --> 00:28:37,720
Speaker 2: told his coworker and she got on the phone and

609
00:28:37,800 --> 00:28:39,600
Speaker 2: I asked, did he tell you what he did to me?

610
00:28:39,720 --> 00:28:41,840
Speaker 2: She said, I don't care. I'm packing now, and this

611
00:28:41,960 --> 00:28:44,440
Speaker 2: is truly the end. I don't know what to do.

612
00:28:44,440 --> 00:28:47,200
Speaker 2: Do not trust these people. They're not normal people and

613
00:28:47,280 --> 00:28:50,600
Speaker 2: will use and discard you at the first sign of inconvenience.

614
00:28:50,760 --> 00:28:53,600
Speaker 2: There is another update. My D Day was six to

615
00:28:53,640 --> 00:28:56,360
Speaker 2: seven months ago. Don't care enough now to calculate I

616
00:28:56,440 --> 00:28:59,800
Speaker 2: was cheated on serially through the entire two year relationship

617
00:29:00,040 --> 00:29:02,760
Speaker 2: with someone who faked a spicy related injury, so we

618
00:29:02,800 --> 00:29:06,080
Speaker 2: wouldn't have spicy sleep. I never would press the issue

619
00:29:06,120 --> 00:29:09,120
Speaker 2: your hurts. I never even got an official count. I

620
00:29:09,200 --> 00:29:11,520
Speaker 2: say twenty plus, but it could be twenty or one

621
00:29:11,600 --> 00:29:14,959
Speaker 2: twenty anyway, Like many of you, I stay to try

622
00:29:15,040 --> 00:29:18,400
Speaker 2: and reconcile. Yesterday I ended it and let me try

623
00:29:18,440 --> 00:29:21,040
Speaker 2: to briefly give my thoughts. I wanted to come back

624
00:29:21,080 --> 00:29:24,400
Speaker 2: here because I fear that most posts here are incomplete. Honestly,

625
00:29:24,440 --> 00:29:26,440
Speaker 2: I don't think any of this has given us a

626
00:29:26,480 --> 00:29:29,520
Speaker 2: complete picture what's going on, But I understand you have

627
00:29:29,560 --> 00:29:31,600
Speaker 2: a lot of reach. When I was desperate to come

628
00:29:31,640 --> 00:29:33,600
Speaker 2: here and get an idea of the whole picture of

629
00:29:33,600 --> 00:29:37,200
Speaker 2: what the reconciliation process would be like, I only found

630
00:29:37,200 --> 00:29:41,760
Speaker 2: snapshots and no ultimate resolution. My experience is this what

631
00:29:41,800 --> 00:29:45,440
Speaker 2: you're waiting for doesn't exist. I stay thinking I would

632
00:29:45,480 --> 00:29:47,600
Speaker 2: be able to sweep this under the rug and stay

633
00:29:47,600 --> 00:29:50,760
Speaker 2: strong because I and you are strong. To be able

634
00:29:50,760 --> 00:29:53,400
Speaker 2: to look him in the eyes and give another chance

635
00:29:53,480 --> 00:29:55,840
Speaker 2: is not at all normal for humans. We are a

636
00:29:55,880 --> 00:29:59,400
Speaker 2: wired for finding safety at all costs. This is the error,

637
00:30:00,080 --> 00:30:04,200
Speaker 2: will never be safety again. Oh be you desperately need therapy.

638
00:30:04,880 --> 00:30:06,400
Speaker 2: You desperately need therapy.

639
00:30:06,800 --> 00:30:09,480
Speaker 4: Oh man, Yeah, like I mean, I guess I don't

640
00:30:09,840 --> 00:30:12,640
Speaker 4: disagree with that, you know, I mean, if you are,

641
00:30:13,080 --> 00:30:15,120
Speaker 4: that's just an in depth way to say that you

642
00:30:15,200 --> 00:30:18,480
Speaker 4: just can't trust someone again. Essentially, Yeah, but it's just like.

643
00:30:18,800 --> 00:30:21,120
Speaker 2: That, but that's not true. You know you will be

644
00:30:21,200 --> 00:30:22,680
Speaker 2: able to trust again.

645
00:30:22,880 --> 00:30:25,440
Speaker 4: Well yeah, I took it as just like that person, like,

646
00:30:25,480 --> 00:30:27,760
Speaker 4: you can't trust that person again, but hopefully you can.

647
00:30:28,000 --> 00:30:29,480
Speaker 4: You could definitely trust people.

648
00:30:29,640 --> 00:30:31,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, I guess that's my point. If your point was

649
00:30:31,840 --> 00:30:33,480
Speaker 2: that you could never trust that person again, I would

650
00:30:33,480 --> 00:30:36,360
Speaker 2: agree with that. Yeah. My ex fiance is an incredibly

651
00:30:36,480 --> 00:30:39,719
Speaker 2: good human. Genuinely, I don't hate him. He effed up

652
00:30:39,720 --> 00:30:43,000
Speaker 2: that he disrespected me in the worst way imaginable, and

653
00:30:43,040 --> 00:30:45,560
Speaker 2: he ruined our relationship, but he's not evil. So what

654
00:30:45,720 --> 00:30:47,920
Speaker 2: happened in six to seven months that forced me to

655
00:30:48,080 --> 00:30:50,080
Speaker 2: arrive to the conclusion that I had to walk away.

656
00:30:50,320 --> 00:30:52,760
Speaker 2: I was waiting for justice when there won't be any.

657
00:30:52,960 --> 00:30:56,400
Speaker 2: I wanted a grand gesture so large it would balance

658
00:30:56,480 --> 00:30:59,840
Speaker 2: the scales. That's not possible. I wanted certainty in a

659
00:31:00,440 --> 00:31:02,440
Speaker 2: that I will now never be able to get. Your

660
00:31:02,480 --> 00:31:06,560
Speaker 2: brain is trying to reconcile two different realities, your life

661
00:31:06,600 --> 00:31:10,480
Speaker 2: before and your life now, and it's simply cannot. You

662
00:31:10,560 --> 00:31:16,320
Speaker 2: exist in a perpetual state of terror, reassurance, brief, calm, terror, repeat.

663
00:31:16,480 --> 00:31:19,120
Speaker 2: The good part. You have no clue how loved you

664
00:31:19,160 --> 00:31:21,520
Speaker 2: are and how bad this is to the outside world.

665
00:31:21,600 --> 00:31:23,600
Speaker 2: If I had to guess, you aren't talking much to

666
00:31:23,640 --> 00:31:26,680
Speaker 2: people you respect and care about. You may be talking

667
00:31:26,680 --> 00:31:29,040
Speaker 2: to a mental health professional or that one friend you

668
00:31:29,080 --> 00:31:31,160
Speaker 2: really aren't too sure about when it comes to respecting

669
00:31:31,200 --> 00:31:33,640
Speaker 2: their opinions, but you know they don't goss up. You're

670
00:31:33,680 --> 00:31:37,440
Speaker 2: protecting your person still from the permanent reputational damage. And

671
00:31:37,520 --> 00:31:40,240
Speaker 2: make no mistake, they are thrilled you're choosing this path.

672
00:31:40,280 --> 00:31:43,440
Speaker 2: Why wouldn't they. They burned thouse down on purpose, and

673
00:31:43,760 --> 00:31:44,600
Speaker 2: you're saying.

674
00:31:44,760 --> 00:31:46,160
Speaker 4: I wanted a new house anyway.

675
00:31:46,240 --> 00:31:49,080
Speaker 2: For me, the anger and resentment was a snowball effect.

676
00:31:49,400 --> 00:31:51,880
Speaker 2: Every day I didn't get the grand gesture to balance

677
00:31:51,920 --> 00:31:55,239
Speaker 2: the injustice, I would get angrier and angrier that I

678
00:31:55,360 --> 00:31:58,160
Speaker 2: was in that situation. I essentially add a total and

679
00:31:58,240 --> 00:32:01,840
Speaker 2: complete mental health crisis. You'll get her to friends. We

680
00:32:01,960 --> 00:32:04,360
Speaker 2: both knew it at the end, and we did it.

681
00:32:04,520 --> 00:32:04,960
Speaker 4: In the end.

682
00:32:05,040 --> 00:32:07,680
Speaker 2: It was mutually agreed on in a very mature way.

683
00:32:07,800 --> 00:32:10,480
Speaker 2: The last twenty four hours have been nothing less than profound.

684
00:32:10,720 --> 00:32:13,280
Speaker 2: Like most of you, probably my socials were inundated with

685
00:32:13,360 --> 00:32:16,800
Speaker 2: photos of my partner and ize life, happy, in love,

686
00:32:17,040 --> 00:32:19,800
Speaker 2: the dream. In my case, my fear of leaving was

687
00:32:19,840 --> 00:32:23,240
Speaker 2: the humiliation of facing the people I lied to, both

688
00:32:23,280 --> 00:32:26,320
Speaker 2: in person and online. Since D Day. I was parading

689
00:32:26,360 --> 00:32:29,200
Speaker 2: this man around like he was the one. How could

690
00:32:29,200 --> 00:32:32,080
Speaker 2: I remove all these photos and just pretend nothing happened.

691
00:32:32,200 --> 00:32:34,440
Speaker 2: So I just post a deprivate story for all my

692
00:32:34,520 --> 00:32:37,480
Speaker 2: close friends where I casually joked giving my permission to

693
00:32:37,520 --> 00:32:40,040
Speaker 2: be messy for one post, then done. Hey, please don't

694
00:32:40,080 --> 00:32:42,479
Speaker 2: propose to someone who cheats on you twenty plus times

695
00:32:42,600 --> 00:32:46,720
Speaker 2: and the response was overwhelmingly positive. I guess word travels

696
00:32:46,760 --> 00:32:49,000
Speaker 2: fast because I was getting text from people I met

697
00:32:49,040 --> 00:32:51,400
Speaker 2: once fifteen years ago. Now I know I'm going to

698
00:32:51,480 --> 00:32:54,160
Speaker 2: be okay. I'd even venture to say I have already

699
00:32:54,200 --> 00:32:58,720
Speaker 2: grieved most of this, Yes, grieved, relationship passed away the

700
00:32:58,800 --> 00:33:01,520
Speaker 2: moment you found out you're the one keeping it on

701
00:33:01,680 --> 00:33:04,480
Speaker 2: life support. I firmly believe that in our pain and

702
00:33:04,640 --> 00:33:07,480
Speaker 2: attempt to be a good person, despite the evidence in

703
00:33:07,480 --> 00:33:11,920
Speaker 2: front of us, we subconsciously normalize all the complexities and

704
00:33:12,000 --> 00:33:15,800
Speaker 2: nuances of how the sympacts is psychologically. In my case,

705
00:33:15,840 --> 00:33:19,480
Speaker 2: twenty plus unique separate occasions of cheating, I somehow boiled

706
00:33:19,560 --> 00:33:22,840
Speaker 2: down to the number doesn't matter, the act does, so

707
00:33:23,200 --> 00:33:26,360
Speaker 2: that's just cheating. Everyone who reached out to me had

708
00:33:26,360 --> 00:33:30,000
Speaker 2: their jaws on the metaphorical floor, and I was shocked

709
00:33:30,040 --> 00:33:32,600
Speaker 2: to see their shock. The doubt I had that this

710
00:33:32,760 --> 00:33:35,800
Speaker 2: was a mistake to end evaporated like a cloud in

711
00:33:35,880 --> 00:33:39,240
Speaker 2: a nuclear blast radius. I lost myself trying to prove

712
00:33:39,280 --> 00:33:41,440
Speaker 2: to someone who decided a long time ago that I

713
00:33:41,560 --> 00:33:45,400
Speaker 2: wasn't stop doing that you are worth more. It's not

714
00:33:45,640 --> 00:33:48,040
Speaker 2: too late, and no matter where you are on this journey,

715
00:33:48,120 --> 00:33:51,080
Speaker 2: give yourself some effing credits. Leaving is one hundred percent

716
00:33:51,160 --> 00:33:53,560
Speaker 2: the only way. I received a text from my nineteen

717
00:33:53,640 --> 00:33:55,720
Speaker 2: year old nephew after he saw it, asking if I

718
00:33:55,800 --> 00:33:59,000
Speaker 2: was okay, and he was proud of me. Nineteen years old.

719
00:33:59,400 --> 00:34:01,400
Speaker 2: Your kids need you to do this to prove to

720
00:34:01,440 --> 00:34:05,000
Speaker 2: them that sometimes the world is just and fair, sometimes that.

721
00:34:04,960 --> 00:34:07,560
Speaker 4: You are able to move past this well enough, and

722
00:34:07,600 --> 00:34:11,800
Speaker 4: that you will get the messiness out that you need to. Yeah,

723
00:34:12,080 --> 00:34:14,319
Speaker 4: give the support that you need to for people coming

724
00:34:14,360 --> 00:34:16,759
Speaker 4: and texting you out of the blue, well not out

725
00:34:16,800 --> 00:34:19,040
Speaker 4: of the blue, but like that you don't usually talk to.

726
00:34:19,200 --> 00:34:22,880
Speaker 2: And hopefully that helps and hopefully we move on from that. Yeah,

727
00:34:22,920 --> 00:34:26,319
Speaker 2: this isn't a post a crap on reconciliation. I tried it,

728
00:34:26,719 --> 00:34:28,799
Speaker 2: You're probably going to try it. But I wanted to

729
00:34:28,800 --> 00:34:31,759
Speaker 2: give a realistic and objective viewpoint of someone who just

730
00:34:31,920 --> 00:34:35,040
Speaker 2: exited things. The fear and anxiety you're having is because

731
00:34:35,040 --> 00:34:37,160
Speaker 2: you know what's right and you know what you have

732
00:34:37,200 --> 00:34:39,279
Speaker 2: to do, but you don't want to. Please, don't end

733
00:34:39,360 --> 00:34:40,680
Speaker 2: up like me and suffer more.

734
00:34:40,560 --> 00:34:41,120
Speaker 4: Than you have to.

735
00:34:41,280 --> 00:34:43,600
Speaker 2: The people around you are waiting and they are going

736
00:34:43,640 --> 00:34:46,040
Speaker 2: to catch you. They're also going to restore your faith

737
00:34:46,080 --> 00:34:48,160
Speaker 2: in the world, which has been gone since the day

738
00:34:48,239 --> 00:34:49,640
Speaker 2: your heart fell out of your chest.

739
00:34:49,760 --> 00:34:52,400
Speaker 4: Wow, dude, poor guy, poor guy.

740
00:34:52,480 --> 00:34:54,480
Speaker 2: But there is another story coming right up.

741
00:34:55,120 --> 00:34:58,680
Speaker 1: Hey, it's Dakota, your favorite goofball host here, and we're

742
00:34:58,680 --> 00:35:00,279
Speaker 1: going to get back to the stories. But so here's

743
00:35:00,280 --> 00:35:02,120
Speaker 1: three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

744
00:35:02,800 --> 00:35:05,920
Speaker 4: My high school sweetheart cheated on me and said she

745
00:35:06,320 --> 00:35:07,480
Speaker 4: needed validation.

746
00:35:07,920 --> 00:35:09,239
Speaker 2: Well, it's not common for me.

747
00:35:09,440 --> 00:35:12,439
Speaker 4: I'll keep this short. Me and my ex twenty two

748
00:35:12,480 --> 00:35:15,840
Speaker 4: female dated from sixteen to twenty two. She cheated on me,

749
00:35:16,320 --> 00:35:18,480
Speaker 4: broke my heart. I haven't spoken to her in a

750
00:35:18,480 --> 00:35:20,920
Speaker 4: couple of days. I have only known for three weeks.

751
00:35:21,160 --> 00:35:24,040
Speaker 4: I know the relationship is over. I am so scared

752
00:35:24,080 --> 00:35:25,759
Speaker 4: to be alone, but I know I can't be with

753
00:35:25,840 --> 00:35:27,879
Speaker 4: the person that hurt me. By the way, this comes

754
00:35:27,880 --> 00:35:30,359
Speaker 4: from a PS four for life, and if you want

755
00:35:30,360 --> 00:35:32,240
Speaker 4: to submit your own stories, go to the r slash

756
00:35:32,239 --> 00:35:35,279
Speaker 4: Okay storytime, Separate it and I'm Angie, I'm Sophia, and

757
00:35:35,320 --> 00:35:37,360
Speaker 4: we're here to give good advice goofa lee. But we

758
00:35:37,360 --> 00:35:39,239
Speaker 4: don't have all the answers. We just know what we

759
00:35:39,239 --> 00:35:41,080
Speaker 4: would do in these situations. So let us know what

760
00:35:41,160 --> 00:35:43,160
Speaker 4: you do in the comment. I want to call her

761
00:35:43,200 --> 00:35:44,959
Speaker 4: and just hurt her, but I know that that will

762
00:35:45,000 --> 00:35:47,080
Speaker 4: reopen the wounds. I kind of need you guys to

763
00:35:47,080 --> 00:35:49,239
Speaker 4: help walk me through this, if you don't mind. I

764
00:35:49,280 --> 00:35:51,400
Speaker 4: know everyone's going to say that I'm young and this

765
00:35:51,440 --> 00:35:54,000
Speaker 4: is a lesson, but man, does it suck. I was

766
00:35:54,040 --> 00:35:57,080
Speaker 4: so involved in her family's life she said that she

767
00:35:57,239 --> 00:36:00,080
Speaker 4: was feeling insecure or looking for validation instead of there

768
00:36:00,440 --> 00:36:02,759
Speaker 4: the usual I don't terrible excuse. Thanks for the help

769
00:36:02,800 --> 00:36:05,120
Speaker 4: that you guys can provide. And there are some comments.

770
00:36:05,120 --> 00:36:07,279
Speaker 4: Come at number one, Oh pie, I married my first

771
00:36:07,320 --> 00:36:09,800
Speaker 4: wife when I was younger than you. Came home early

772
00:36:09,800 --> 00:36:12,960
Speaker 4: one day and found her with another man in bed.

773
00:36:13,440 --> 00:36:16,399
Speaker 4: Can only imagine how I felt when I saw them.

774
00:36:16,719 --> 00:36:20,000
Speaker 4: I went totally no contact, and that was the best

775
00:36:20,000 --> 00:36:23,200
Speaker 4: decision I've ever made. Fifty years later, I've been married

776
00:36:23,239 --> 00:36:26,279
Speaker 4: now for over forty five years. Do not ever sell

777
00:36:26,360 --> 00:36:29,040
Speaker 4: yourself short. If you are faithful, you will always be

778
00:36:29,120 --> 00:36:32,120
Speaker 4: the prize. If you are loyal, stay strong, and continue

779
00:36:32,160 --> 00:36:34,319
Speaker 4: on course, you will look back one day and say

780
00:36:34,360 --> 00:36:37,000
Speaker 4: to yourself that old man knew what he was talking about,

781
00:36:37,440 --> 00:36:40,440
Speaker 4: and hope he replied, hah, thank you. I keep saying

782
00:36:40,440 --> 00:36:43,080
Speaker 4: to myself, this is free. Divorce is not. I am

783
00:36:43,200 --> 00:36:45,279
Speaker 4: lucky in the sense that I didn't see it, but

784
00:36:45,360 --> 00:36:47,560
Speaker 4: the thoughts and visions I have made me throw up

785
00:36:47,600 --> 00:36:49,960
Speaker 4: the first couple of times. She taught me how to

786
00:36:50,200 --> 00:36:52,479
Speaker 4: kind of open up and be vulnerable, and the same

787
00:36:52,520 --> 00:36:55,479
Speaker 4: person that taught me that hurt me the most. Coming

788
00:36:55,560 --> 00:36:58,239
Speaker 4: Number two says, it doesn't matter the excuses that she gave,

789
00:36:58,320 --> 00:37:01,960
Speaker 4: they're just that excuses reasons. No contact means just that.

790
00:37:02,200 --> 00:37:04,040
Speaker 4: So take it to the level it's intended to be

791
00:37:04,200 --> 00:37:08,239
Speaker 4: and delete all information of hers, including blocking her everywhere.

792
00:37:08,640 --> 00:37:11,719
Speaker 4: And then, yes, you're young and you will get past this,

793
00:37:12,080 --> 00:37:14,520
Speaker 4: but in the meantime, focus on your goals that you

794
00:37:14,560 --> 00:37:17,239
Speaker 4: set for yourself in the future. Happened to me years ago,

795
00:37:17,400 --> 00:37:19,799
Speaker 4: and that's what I did. In the process, I met

796
00:37:19,840 --> 00:37:22,399
Speaker 4: my wife for the next thirty five years. Yeah, you're

797
00:37:22,400 --> 00:37:23,200
Speaker 4: going to be fine.

798
00:37:23,280 --> 00:37:26,440
Speaker 2: I mean, like sometimes you get out of these relationships

799
00:37:26,520 --> 00:37:31,360
Speaker 2: and then like you allow yourself to, you know, be

800
00:37:31,440 --> 00:37:35,799
Speaker 2: open for much better experiences, whether romantic or just you know,

801
00:37:35,920 --> 00:37:39,600
Speaker 2: experiences that you didn't think that you could do before,

802
00:37:39,760 --> 00:37:40,360
Speaker 2: like traveling.

803
00:37:40,400 --> 00:37:43,319
Speaker 4: Ohp he applied to this comment. I blocked every way

804
00:37:43,400 --> 00:37:45,479
Speaker 4: she could reach me, and I deleted my social media

805
00:37:45,520 --> 00:37:47,680
Speaker 4: apps and my sister has a lock on my phone

806
00:37:47,719 --> 00:37:49,839
Speaker 4: so I can't re download them. I want to take

807
00:37:49,880 --> 00:37:52,479
Speaker 4: the time to really heal, and I know i'd give

808
00:37:52,480 --> 00:37:55,440
Speaker 4: in and check her accounts, et cetera. Comment number three says,

809
00:37:55,520 --> 00:37:58,200
Speaker 4: it's a shame you being loving and faithful to her

810
00:37:58,280 --> 00:38:01,719
Speaker 4: for six years wasn't enough, validy OPI replied, you have

811
00:38:01,840 --> 00:38:05,360
Speaker 4: no idea. I geared my whole life towards our future.

812
00:38:05,680 --> 00:38:07,840
Speaker 4: Took a stable major in college so she could be

813
00:38:07,880 --> 00:38:11,000
Speaker 4: more creative and go to art school. Governormber four says, Hey,

814
00:38:11,160 --> 00:38:14,600
Speaker 4: I say this as comforting as possible, but unfortunately youngsters

815
00:38:14,640 --> 00:38:17,440
Speaker 4: tend to mess around and are easily swayed by hormones

816
00:38:17,480 --> 00:38:21,239
Speaker 4: and whatnot. That and the sick influence of over Schmexi

817
00:38:21,520 --> 00:38:28,640
Speaker 4: music and overly spicy films and or regular scorn, regular use.

818
00:38:29,160 --> 00:38:33,000
Speaker 4: But all that aside, know that it's not a you issue.

819
00:38:33,040 --> 00:38:38,160
Speaker 2: Hey, let me tell you about youngish They watching corn

820
00:38:38,440 --> 00:38:42,840
Speaker 2: and they're listening to uest dirty music.

821
00:38:43,640 --> 00:38:45,640
Speaker 4: I'm glad you know you can't stay with someone who

822
00:38:45,680 --> 00:38:48,719
Speaker 4: hurt you. No, don't ever do that. You're smart enough

823
00:38:48,719 --> 00:38:51,120
Speaker 4: to know better. You still have so so much life

824
00:38:51,120 --> 00:38:53,400
Speaker 4: ahead of you and better people to meet. I'm sorry

825
00:38:53,400 --> 00:38:56,320
Speaker 4: you're going through this, OPI replied, it really is a shame.

826
00:38:56,520 --> 00:38:58,480
Speaker 4: And like I said, I want to talk to her

827
00:38:58,520 --> 00:39:00,680
Speaker 4: because I was with her for over a quarter of

828
00:39:00,719 --> 00:39:03,719
Speaker 4: my life, but I just can't. I'm working on myself though,

829
00:39:03,840 --> 00:39:06,160
Speaker 4: finding who I am as a single man. In his

830
00:39:06,200 --> 00:39:09,800
Speaker 4: early twenties. Now, so thanks coming. Number five says, everything

831
00:39:09,920 --> 00:39:13,399
Speaker 4: feels so insurmountable right now, But you're still so young.

832
00:39:13,560 --> 00:39:16,240
Speaker 4: You spent most of this relationship as kids. You've clearly

833
00:39:16,280 --> 00:39:19,360
Speaker 4: outgrown her. Do the work. Read a lot of infidelity books.

834
00:39:19,400 --> 00:39:22,400
Speaker 4: The body keeps the score. Cheating in a nutshell and

835
00:39:22,600 --> 00:39:25,000
Speaker 4: leave a cheater, Gain a life and put in the work.

836
00:39:25,080 --> 00:39:28,480
Speaker 4: Find some healthy coping habits like journaling, working out, yoga,

837
00:39:28,600 --> 00:39:31,160
Speaker 4: or some other hobby to channel the intrusive thoughts. Grieve

838
00:39:31,320 --> 00:39:33,799
Speaker 4: until there are no more tears to grieve, and then

839
00:39:33,920 --> 00:39:35,920
Speaker 4: go out and live your life, of which you have

840
00:39:36,080 --> 00:39:38,759
Speaker 4: so much left to do. Help, he replied. Her mom

841
00:39:38,840 --> 00:39:41,120
Speaker 4: spoke to me and so that there has always been

842
00:39:41,160 --> 00:39:44,719
Speaker 4: an imbalance of maturity between us, me over her. Her

843
00:39:44,719 --> 00:39:47,759
Speaker 4: mother was devastated when I spoke to her. Maybe this

844
00:39:47,840 --> 00:39:50,160
Speaker 4: is her moment to realize that she's an adult now.

845
00:39:50,239 --> 00:39:52,680
Speaker 4: It just sucks that I'm the one paying the cost

846
00:39:52,760 --> 00:39:56,319
Speaker 4: for the lesson and there is an update here, But yeah, dude,

847
00:39:56,400 --> 00:39:56,759
Speaker 4: that does.

848
00:39:56,760 --> 00:40:01,040
Speaker 2: It always sucks. It always sucks because cheaters aren't immature. Yeah,

849
00:40:01,080 --> 00:40:02,360
Speaker 2: teachers are just immature.

850
00:40:02,440 --> 00:40:05,520
Speaker 4: My girlfriend of six years high school sweetheart, had spicy

851
00:40:05,560 --> 00:40:08,280
Speaker 4: sleep with another man while we were together. She also

852
00:40:08,480 --> 00:40:11,960
Speaker 4: borderline cheated with another man, line dancing, flirting, et cetera.

853
00:40:12,120 --> 00:40:14,640
Speaker 4: She's doing all that without telling me. I am sure

854
00:40:14,680 --> 00:40:16,959
Speaker 4: there is more than I don't know. We dated from

855
00:40:17,120 --> 00:40:19,160
Speaker 4: the ages of sixteen to twenty two. I thought our

856
00:40:19,200 --> 00:40:21,880
Speaker 4: relationship was so mature for our age. We did and

857
00:40:22,040 --> 00:40:25,239
Speaker 4: had plans that I felt like were concrete, but clearly not.

858
00:40:25,440 --> 00:40:27,759
Speaker 4: I have always been a more stable, conservative person, and

859
00:40:27,800 --> 00:40:30,840
Speaker 4: she has always been more free spirited, creative, et cetera.

860
00:40:31,280 --> 00:40:34,080
Speaker 4: Think don draper mine is all the bad paired with

861
00:40:34,280 --> 00:40:37,920
Speaker 4: the bubbly new office hire. Our personalities honestly seemed to

862
00:40:37,960 --> 00:40:41,160
Speaker 4: work well together. She said it was because of our distance,

863
00:40:41,440 --> 00:40:44,520
Speaker 4: a lack of self confidence, and looking for a cheap validation.

864
00:40:44,719 --> 00:40:47,440
Speaker 4: We are a long distance as we both finish up school.

865
00:40:47,880 --> 00:40:50,360
Speaker 4: I wish she had broken up with me. I literally

866
00:40:50,400 --> 00:40:52,839
Speaker 4: feel like a part of me has passed away. Despite this,

867
00:40:53,000 --> 00:40:55,440
Speaker 4: I'm trying to keep a brave face, at least to her.

868
00:40:55,640 --> 00:40:57,719
Speaker 4: I don't want her or her friends to see how

869
00:40:57,760 --> 00:41:01,400
Speaker 4: bad I'm hurting, but it's unlive. Therapy has been helpful,

870
00:41:01,480 --> 00:41:04,200
Speaker 4: but one hour a week barely feels like anything. I

871
00:41:04,239 --> 00:41:06,760
Speaker 4: only have known for a month, so it's still fresh.

872
00:41:06,880 --> 00:41:09,000
Speaker 4: I was so ready to start adult life with her.

873
00:41:09,320 --> 00:41:11,160
Speaker 4: I had sent her apartments for us to look at

874
00:41:11,160 --> 00:41:13,759
Speaker 4: when she was home. I had given her everything a

875
00:41:13,760 --> 00:41:17,040
Speaker 4: college boy could do. I feel so lost and helpless.

876
00:41:17,160 --> 00:41:18,880
Speaker 4: Thank you for listening. We do you have a second

877
00:41:18,920 --> 00:41:19,480
Speaker 4: update here?

878
00:41:19,600 --> 00:41:21,759
Speaker 2: I think you're gonna be all right. You seem like

879
00:41:21,800 --> 00:41:23,520
Speaker 2: you've got a good head on your shoulders.

880
00:41:23,719 --> 00:41:26,719
Speaker 4: Yeah, keep working on you, focus on yourself, and then

881
00:41:26,800 --> 00:41:28,160
Speaker 4: over time it'll.

882
00:41:27,880 --> 00:41:29,200
Speaker 2: Just pass it pass.

883
00:41:29,400 --> 00:41:31,480
Speaker 4: I hate that I have become a frequent flyer here,

884
00:41:31,520 --> 00:41:34,439
Speaker 4: but here I am. I'm a twenty two male xtra

885
00:41:34,480 --> 00:41:36,520
Speaker 4: and two female. It honestly destroyed me, and I spent

886
00:41:36,600 --> 00:41:39,359
Speaker 4: the first month numb. I have been recently making sure

887
00:41:39,360 --> 00:41:42,080
Speaker 4: that I'm eating, taking care of my hygiene, working out,

888
00:41:42,360 --> 00:41:44,880
Speaker 4: staying on top of my schoolwork. I let it destroy

889
00:41:44,960 --> 00:41:47,480
Speaker 4: me and hit my rock bottom, but I refuse to

890
00:41:47,600 --> 00:41:50,080
Speaker 4: dwell on it any longer. I don't bottle my emotions,

891
00:41:50,120 --> 00:41:52,959
Speaker 4: but I accept them as they come and then try

892
00:41:53,040 --> 00:41:56,080
Speaker 4: to continue. A quote I heard was, in order to

893
00:41:56,160 --> 00:41:58,720
Speaker 4: keep the bicycle upright, you have to keep moving forward.

894
00:41:59,120 --> 00:42:01,200
Speaker 4: I was planning on me carrying this girl, but God

895
00:42:01,320 --> 00:42:03,480
Speaker 4: You guys have made me so happy that I wasn't

896
00:42:03,520 --> 00:42:07,560
Speaker 4: seriously financially attached. This was free minus all the money

897
00:42:07,600 --> 00:42:10,560
Speaker 4: I spent throughout the relationship. No children, no apartment. It

898
00:42:10,640 --> 00:42:14,040
Speaker 4: hurts still a lot, honestly, but I keep moving forward.

899
00:42:14,200 --> 00:42:17,359
Speaker 4: There's a third update. We have been no contacts last

900
00:42:17,400 --> 00:42:19,600
Speaker 4: broken up for about a month. I'm still in pain,

901
00:42:19,640 --> 00:42:22,200
Speaker 4: but moving forward. Out of the blue, I ran into

902
00:42:22,239 --> 00:42:24,120
Speaker 4: a girl in my local town and we got to

903
00:42:24,200 --> 00:42:27,040
Speaker 4: chatting a bit. She is in an open relationship looking

904
00:42:27,080 --> 00:42:29,800
Speaker 4: for friends with benefits, and me and her casually talked

905
00:42:29,800 --> 00:42:32,200
Speaker 4: for a bit. I'm conflicted. On one hand, I'm still

906
00:42:32,280 --> 00:42:34,560
Speaker 4: so upset over being cheated on. On the other hand,

907
00:42:34,719 --> 00:42:38,080
Speaker 4: I feel like I myself am cheating even though I

908
00:42:38,120 --> 00:42:39,960
Speaker 4: broke up with my cheating ex. I know that I

909
00:42:40,040 --> 00:42:42,480
Speaker 4: might be looking for an unhealthy outlet, but is a

910
00:42:42,560 --> 00:42:45,640
Speaker 4: casual friends with benefits really not unhealthy? Edits? The night

911
00:42:45,680 --> 00:42:51,160
Speaker 4: wentn't great. I spoke to her friend and confirmed is cool. Okay,

912
00:42:51,440 --> 00:42:54,040
Speaker 4: she was a great time. She knows my situation and

913
00:42:54,040 --> 00:42:57,440
Speaker 4: it's totally cool with it all right. Well, okay, Colora's

914
00:42:57,520 --> 00:43:01,440
Speaker 4: wrong color is wrong? Okay. Well, that's probably the best way.

915
00:43:01,320 --> 00:43:01,719
Speaker 5: To go back.

916
00:43:01,880 --> 00:43:04,800
Speaker 2: I guess you jubble checked, and that's what I really wanted.

917
00:43:04,920 --> 00:43:09,920
Speaker 2: So okay, so proceed with caution, my dear boy.

918
00:43:10,600 --> 00:43:13,480
Speaker 4: Update number four. It broke my heart. I spent the

919
00:43:13,520 --> 00:43:18,240
Speaker 4: first two weeks in what we all seem to know, disbelieved, depression, confusion, anger.

920
00:43:18,440 --> 00:43:20,680
Speaker 4: Not a day goes by that I don't think about it.

921
00:43:20,719 --> 00:43:23,640
Speaker 4: But it was improving. I was noticing myself thinking of

922
00:43:23,680 --> 00:43:25,960
Speaker 4: her less and less. But with school and work starting,

923
00:43:26,040 --> 00:43:28,600
Speaker 4: my social life has decreased a bit, and it's allowing

924
00:43:28,640 --> 00:43:30,839
Speaker 4: me to think about her again. I realize a lot

925
00:43:30,880 --> 00:43:32,960
Speaker 4: of you guys are older and that this sub is

926
00:43:33,000 --> 00:43:35,600
Speaker 4: more for marriages, but after six years, I basically was

927
00:43:35,719 --> 00:43:37,600
Speaker 4: dating her for more than twenty five percent of my

928
00:43:37,719 --> 00:43:40,560
Speaker 4: entire life. I grew up with her and now it's gone.

929
00:43:40,680 --> 00:43:43,520
Speaker 4: I miss being someone's boyfriend and partner, and I can't

930
00:43:43,520 --> 00:43:46,320
Speaker 4: think about her without being sick to my stomach anymore.

931
00:43:46,360 --> 00:43:47,319
Speaker 4: That's the end of that story.

932
00:43:47,400 --> 00:43:49,360
Speaker 3: Wow, Zoe, Oh, that's so sad.

933
00:43:49,800 --> 00:43:50,840
Speaker 2: Ope, it'll get better.

934
00:43:51,080 --> 00:43:51,879
Speaker 4: It'll get better.

935
00:43:51,920 --> 00:43:53,399
Speaker 2: It'll take a while, it'll get better.

936
00:43:53,440 --> 00:43:55,879
Speaker 4: I think it'll be It'll be good, especially she's kind

937
00:43:55,880 --> 00:43:57,600
Speaker 4: of said it, But like, this is a good age

938
00:43:57,640 --> 00:44:01,200
Speaker 4: to be going through this, if anything. Obviously still, but

939
00:44:01,280 --> 00:44:03,919
Speaker 4: like what a good time your early twenties.

940
00:44:03,680 --> 00:44:10,160
Speaker 2: To be single, like to have that space to discover yourself.

941
00:44:09,840 --> 00:44:09,960
Speaker 3: You know.

942
00:44:10,040 --> 00:44:12,040
Speaker 4: Yeah, and like learn how to be alone, because it's

943
00:44:12,200 --> 00:44:13,640
Speaker 4: a huge thing that you need to do.

944
00:44:14,040 --> 00:44:16,320
Speaker 2: It's a skill that not a lot of people have totally.

945
00:44:16,360 --> 00:44:18,080
Speaker 4: I mean, it's hard to do in high school because

946
00:44:18,080 --> 00:44:20,880
Speaker 4: you're surrounded constantly. But then once you're out of it,

947
00:44:21,080 --> 00:44:22,920
Speaker 4: like you you got to learn that.

948
00:44:23,880 --> 00:44:25,880
Speaker 2: Like you said, you want all you wanted to, you know,

949
00:44:25,960 --> 00:44:28,440
Speaker 2: learn how to start adult life with her, But like

950
00:44:29,160 --> 00:44:31,040
Speaker 2: this might be a blessing in disguise to learn how

951
00:44:31,080 --> 00:44:33,320
Speaker 2: to start adult life as an individual.

952
00:44:33,719 --> 00:44:33,880
Speaker 5: You know.

953
00:44:34,640 --> 00:44:36,640
Speaker 4: Yeah, So good luck keep going. And like you said,

954
00:44:36,640 --> 00:44:39,160
Speaker 4: I mean you've already noticed some of it, like thinking

955
00:44:39,200 --> 00:44:41,960
Speaker 4: about her less and less, So that's that's great. It'll

956
00:44:42,000 --> 00:44:42,839
Speaker 4: just keep going from there.

957
00:44:43,239 --> 00:44:44,160
Speaker 2: It keeps getting better.

958
00:44:44,280 --> 00:44:45,840
Speaker 4: Yeah, but that's the end of that story.

959
00:44:46,080 --> 00:44:46,879
Speaker 2: We've got one more.

960
00:44:46,960 --> 00:44:47,879
Speaker 4: We've got another one.

961
00:44:48,520 --> 00:44:51,680
Speaker 2: My ex married is a fair partner. Then she caught

962
00:44:51,719 --> 00:44:52,680
Speaker 2: him cheating with AI.

963
00:44:52,920 --> 00:44:55,560
Speaker 4: Oh oh that was not what I thought it was

964
00:44:55,600 --> 00:44:56,240
Speaker 4: gonna say.

965
00:44:56,480 --> 00:44:59,160
Speaker 2: You know, the friends that claim to still really care

966
00:44:59,200 --> 00:45:02,359
Speaker 2: about you, but are okay going on vacations with your

967
00:45:02,440 --> 00:45:05,160
Speaker 2: awful ex and is a fair partner right after separation.

968
00:45:05,360 --> 00:45:07,480
Speaker 2: The ones who don't want to hear about your hurt

969
00:45:07,600 --> 00:45:10,759
Speaker 2: and make excuses for his action. The ones who gaslight

970
00:45:10,840 --> 00:45:13,920
Speaker 2: you into doubting your own lived experience, as if they

971
00:45:13,920 --> 00:45:16,399
Speaker 2: were there and you weren't. By the way, this comes

972
00:45:16,400 --> 00:45:18,880
Speaker 2: from yogurt Closet twenty five to eleven. And if you

973
00:45:18,880 --> 00:45:20,279
Speaker 2: want to spit your own stories, go to the r

974
00:45:20,360 --> 00:45:23,839
Speaker 2: slash Okay storytime Separated. I'm Sophia, I'm Angie, and we're

975
00:45:23,880 --> 00:45:25,400
Speaker 2: here to give good advice goofy, but we don't have

976
00:45:25,400 --> 00:45:27,160
Speaker 2: all the answers. We only know what we'd do, so

977
00:45:27,280 --> 00:45:29,040
Speaker 2: let us know what you would do in the comments.

978
00:45:29,120 --> 00:45:32,600
Speaker 2: The ones who include you as a pity invite to events,

979
00:45:32,760 --> 00:45:36,759
Speaker 2: knowing you probably won't go because your ex and a

980
00:45:36,800 --> 00:45:41,000
Speaker 2: fair partner are all so invited. The ones who, if

981
00:45:41,040 --> 00:45:43,560
Speaker 2: you actually do show up, give you an obligatory hug,

982
00:45:43,800 --> 00:45:45,880
Speaker 2: then walk back over to your ex a fair partner,

983
00:45:45,880 --> 00:45:48,399
Speaker 2: and ignore you the rest of the time. The ones

984
00:45:48,400 --> 00:45:50,879
Speaker 2: who resoundingly chose your ex but don't want to look

985
00:45:50,920 --> 00:45:54,040
Speaker 2: like total ale, so they throw your bone once in

986
00:45:54,080 --> 00:45:57,880
Speaker 2: a while, the ones who will continue taking from you

987
00:45:58,040 --> 00:46:00,960
Speaker 2: while they give you, not that this keeps going. The

988
00:46:01,000 --> 00:46:04,040
Speaker 2: ones who fell for your ex's year long smear campaign

989
00:46:04,040 --> 00:46:06,960
Speaker 2: delivered under the guise of concern for your mental health.

990
00:46:07,160 --> 00:46:09,800
Speaker 2: My ex married is a fair partner. Over the weekend,

991
00:46:10,280 --> 00:46:12,759
Speaker 2: I have a zero desire to go back to that

992
00:46:12,880 --> 00:46:16,640
Speaker 2: man that said it was the push I needed to

993
00:46:16,840 --> 00:46:20,080
Speaker 2: find the courage to stop torturing myself. Part of me

994
00:46:20,200 --> 00:46:23,080
Speaker 2: was still waiting for old friends to finally acknowledge the

995
00:46:23,120 --> 00:46:26,560
Speaker 2: heck I endured, which while my entire world fell apart,

996
00:46:26,719 --> 00:46:29,600
Speaker 2: which I might add besides my now husband, my family,

997
00:46:29,640 --> 00:46:32,720
Speaker 2: and my childhood bestie who lives fifteen hundred miles away,

998
00:46:32,920 --> 00:46:34,279
Speaker 2: I survived largely.

999
00:46:33,960 --> 00:46:34,480
Speaker 4: On my own.

1000
00:46:34,600 --> 00:46:37,319
Speaker 2: I honestly would have just ghosted everyone, but I'm also

1001
00:46:37,400 --> 00:46:40,879
Speaker 2: a hairstylist, so to add insult injury. The only time

1002
00:46:40,920 --> 00:46:43,000
Speaker 2: I see most of these people is when they need

1003
00:46:43,040 --> 00:46:45,680
Speaker 2: their hair done, so I'm not worth compassion in my

1004
00:46:45,840 --> 00:46:48,799
Speaker 2: time of desperate need. But though book with me so

1005
00:46:48,920 --> 00:46:52,200
Speaker 2: they look good for friendsgiving with my ex or whatever.

1006
00:46:52,360 --> 00:46:55,359
Speaker 2: It was so stressful a nicky. All this dynamic did

1007
00:46:55,520 --> 00:46:58,880
Speaker 2: was drain energy I don't have all for the benefit

1008
00:46:58,880 --> 00:47:01,760
Speaker 2: of people who don't respect. It was a really difficult

1009
00:47:01,760 --> 00:47:04,200
Speaker 2: thing to do and felt like a small part of

1010
00:47:04,239 --> 00:47:07,840
Speaker 2: me passed away sending the messages, but that part was neurotic.

1011
00:47:07,960 --> 00:47:10,560
Speaker 2: After the initial wave of sadness, I felt the lightness

1012
00:47:10,560 --> 00:47:13,440
Speaker 2: I haven't enjoyed in years. I more or less did

1013
00:47:13,480 --> 00:47:15,799
Speaker 2: a form letter and change some details to make it

1014
00:47:15,840 --> 00:47:18,600
Speaker 2: more personal. I'm sure they'll get together and gossip and

1015
00:47:18,640 --> 00:47:21,040
Speaker 2: discover this. Maybe I have a laugh, but I don't

1016
00:47:21,080 --> 00:47:24,000
Speaker 2: care anymore. I can't lose what's already gone. I already

1017
00:47:24,000 --> 00:47:26,719
Speaker 2: put more care and thought into the form letter than

1018
00:47:26,760 --> 00:47:29,400
Speaker 2: any of them deserved. Anopie says, hey got a bit

1019
00:47:29,400 --> 00:47:31,600
Speaker 2: of a jump scare on the old Instagram this morning

1020
00:47:31,719 --> 00:47:35,480
Speaker 2: wedding photos, and it solidified a decision I've agonized over

1021
00:47:35,560 --> 00:47:38,880
Speaker 2: for a long time. I can't continue to maintain personal

1022
00:47:39,080 --> 00:47:42,560
Speaker 2: or professional relationships with people who actively stayed connected to

1023
00:47:42,800 --> 00:47:45,480
Speaker 2: X and a fair partner beyondgoing. Reminder that I wasn't

1024
00:47:45,480 --> 00:47:48,719
Speaker 2: worth holding space for during an incredibly difficult time is

1025
00:47:48,760 --> 00:47:51,799
Speaker 2: something I can't carry anymore. I've shown up consistently for

1026
00:47:51,880 --> 00:47:55,520
Speaker 2: people before, during, and after my separation, many of whom

1027
00:47:55,560 --> 00:47:58,440
Speaker 2: didn't reach out once when things fell apart. I had

1028
00:47:58,480 --> 00:48:01,440
Speaker 2: to beg to be seen or heard. The silence should

1029
00:48:01,440 --> 00:48:03,560
Speaker 2: have told me everything I needed to know years ago,

1030
00:48:03,880 --> 00:48:06,800
Speaker 2: but here I am having to remind myself once again

1031
00:48:06,880 --> 00:48:10,120
Speaker 2: that healing isn't linear. The past several years have been

1032
00:48:10,160 --> 00:48:12,719
Speaker 2: full of grief. I lost the version of X. I

1033
00:48:12,760 --> 00:48:16,160
Speaker 2: thought I knew the family, I built, my home, my mother,

1034
00:48:16,400 --> 00:48:19,319
Speaker 2: and now clearly some of the friendships I once counted on.

1035
00:48:19,480 --> 00:48:22,600
Speaker 2: I can't pretend seeing you doesn't reopen wounds. I was

1036
00:48:22,600 --> 00:48:25,000
Speaker 2: holding back tears the last time I cut your hair,

1037
00:48:25,200 --> 00:48:27,680
Speaker 2: and if I'm being honest, it felt for a while

1038
00:48:28,000 --> 00:48:30,080
Speaker 2: like some people have stayed in my orbit more for

1039
00:48:30,160 --> 00:48:32,120
Speaker 2: the service than the friendship.

1040
00:48:32,200 --> 00:48:32,399
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1041
00:48:32,440 --> 00:48:35,399
Speaker 2: It was messy, still am sometimes, but that's what years

1042
00:48:35,440 --> 00:48:38,120
Speaker 2: of trauma does to a person. And I think I

1043
00:48:38,200 --> 00:48:41,400
Speaker 2: deserve more than a conditional friendship after knowing some people

1044
00:48:41,440 --> 00:48:44,440
Speaker 2: over twenty years. I don't wish anyone harm. I'm just

1045
00:48:44,600 --> 00:48:47,400
Speaker 2: tired of milking a stone. And there are some comments,

1046
00:48:47,440 --> 00:48:49,239
Speaker 2: but do you have any thoughts? I mean, and this

1047
00:48:49,360 --> 00:48:51,839
Speaker 2: was something that was actually sent to people. Yeah, oh wow.

1048
00:48:52,000 --> 00:48:54,480
Speaker 4: Usually something like that is like something that you like

1049
00:48:54,560 --> 00:48:57,440
Speaker 4: type out or write out and then you keep to yourself. Yeah,

1050
00:48:57,440 --> 00:48:58,760
Speaker 4: but whatever, works for you.

1051
00:48:58,800 --> 00:49:03,080
Speaker 2: Whenever works, comment one good for you. That takes so

1052
00:49:03,239 --> 00:49:05,520
Speaker 2: much strength, and I feel like it's a form of

1053
00:49:05,560 --> 00:49:07,720
Speaker 2: self love. I had to cut off a few people

1054
00:49:07,760 --> 00:49:10,600
Speaker 2: who wanted to remain friends with the affair partner too,

1055
00:49:10,760 --> 00:49:13,160
Speaker 2: because we were all in the same friend group. It

1056
00:49:13,239 --> 00:49:15,799
Speaker 2: hurts so much at the time. At times there are

1057
00:49:15,880 --> 00:49:19,080
Speaker 2: still pain things, but it's better without them in my life, because,

1058
00:49:19,160 --> 00:49:21,920
Speaker 2: like you stated, it drags you down and keeps you

1059
00:49:22,080 --> 00:49:25,560
Speaker 2: further in the grief. It just amazes me people are

1060
00:49:25,600 --> 00:49:28,880
Speaker 2: okay with what she did. People don't want to be inconvenienced.

1061
00:49:29,000 --> 00:49:31,040
Speaker 2: I love what you said about it being a grief.

1062
00:49:31,239 --> 00:49:32,040
Speaker 3: It truly is.

1063
00:49:32,440 --> 00:49:35,520
Speaker 2: It's very weird to mourn someone who is still here physically,

1064
00:49:36,120 --> 00:49:38,719
Speaker 2: and you mourn so much from the life you thought

1065
00:49:38,760 --> 00:49:40,600
Speaker 2: you would have. I wish they would have given you

1066
00:49:40,640 --> 00:49:43,520
Speaker 2: the grace you deserved. I'm so glad you found it

1067
00:49:43,600 --> 00:49:46,719
Speaker 2: for yourself. And OP says, isn't it wild that some

1068
00:49:46,760 --> 00:49:49,720
Speaker 2: people can act like it's the same play. Only difference

1069
00:49:49,800 --> 00:49:52,320
Speaker 2: is your role was recast. What took it to another

1070
00:49:52,400 --> 00:49:55,240
Speaker 2: level in my case is this woman was my friend,

1071
00:49:55,560 --> 00:49:58,239
Speaker 2: moved into my neighborhood during the VID and I was

1072
00:49:58,280 --> 00:50:01,160
Speaker 2: the one who introduced her to my friends. The other

1073
00:50:01,200 --> 00:50:04,520
Speaker 2: women in our group didn't even like her at first,

1074
00:50:04,920 --> 00:50:06,920
Speaker 2: and I asked them to give her more of a chance.

1075
00:50:07,239 --> 00:50:10,040
Speaker 2: One of those women is the vacation buddy. Anyway, I

1076
00:50:10,120 --> 00:50:13,200
Speaker 2: noticed in retrospect she had been mimicking me. Her clothing

1077
00:50:13,280 --> 00:50:16,399
Speaker 2: started to resemble mine. She was always texting me from

1078
00:50:16,480 --> 00:50:19,560
Speaker 2: dressing rooms asking my opinion, and after crap hit the

1079
00:50:19,600 --> 00:50:23,200
Speaker 2: fan I saw she tweeted about her formative album from

1080
00:50:23,320 --> 00:50:26,160
Speaker 2: childhood or something, and it was an artist I recently

1081
00:50:26,200 --> 00:50:28,800
Speaker 2: told her about. She even shared her all time favorite

1082
00:50:28,840 --> 00:50:31,319
Speaker 2: recipe for years, and again it was one I sent her.

1083
00:50:31,400 --> 00:50:34,399
Speaker 2: There was some serious single white female crab going on there.

1084
00:50:34,960 --> 00:50:37,520
Speaker 2: I think she really gets off feeling like she replaced

1085
00:50:37,560 --> 00:50:41,320
Speaker 2: me tangent aside, sorry, by creating a boundary with these people,

1086
00:50:41,360 --> 00:50:44,000
Speaker 2: I proclaim some of the power a fair partners still

1087
00:50:44,120 --> 00:50:47,160
Speaker 2: held over me our Dave Chowdenfreud when the victim isn't

1088
00:50:47,160 --> 00:50:49,879
Speaker 2: doing the pick me dance anymore. I love this fur though.

1089
00:50:50,200 --> 00:50:53,080
Speaker 2: Now she can fully lean into her miserable future, stuck

1090
00:50:53,080 --> 00:50:55,600
Speaker 2: in a power struggle with a harmful man child and

1091
00:50:55,800 --> 00:50:59,200
Speaker 2: crappy friends who will dismiss her just as quickly as

1092
00:50:59,239 --> 00:51:01,600
Speaker 2: they did me. At this point, it's more about taking

1093
00:51:01,640 --> 00:51:04,839
Speaker 2: bets on which one gets caught cheating first. You're absolutely

1094
00:51:04,920 --> 00:51:08,880
Speaker 2: right they don't want the inconvenience. That's the conditional friendship

1095
00:51:08,920 --> 00:51:11,800
Speaker 2: I mentioned the offending party, and parties have to commit

1096
00:51:11,840 --> 00:51:14,760
Speaker 2: one hundred percent to their choices or the cracks will show.

1097
00:51:14,920 --> 00:51:17,000
Speaker 2: I'm sure it's the last thing they want to talk about,

1098
00:51:17,160 --> 00:51:20,479
Speaker 2: unless it's an opportunity to feign more concern. They must

1099
00:51:20,520 --> 00:51:23,920
Speaker 2: know on some level they're the betties. Common Two says,

1100
00:51:24,080 --> 00:51:27,000
Speaker 2: that was very beautifully written. I'm going through something similar

1101
00:51:27,040 --> 00:51:29,480
Speaker 2: and this part scares me, but I know it's important.

1102
00:51:29,920 --> 00:51:32,279
Speaker 2: Hope you get the healing you deserved. Opie says, the

1103
00:51:32,320 --> 00:51:34,759
Speaker 2: wedding forced me to be honest with myself about why

1104
00:51:34,840 --> 00:51:36,879
Speaker 2: I was leaving the door open a crack for them.

1105
00:51:37,080 --> 00:51:40,359
Speaker 2: I asked myself, what I was so afraid of? Burns out.

1106
00:51:40,440 --> 00:51:43,279
Speaker 2: I was afraid of something that had already happened. I

1107
00:51:43,440 --> 00:51:46,200
Speaker 2: just wasn't willing to accept it yet. I'd written so

1108
00:51:46,239 --> 00:51:50,120
Speaker 2: many similar messages but always chickened out. The absolute hardest

1109
00:51:50,160 --> 00:51:53,480
Speaker 2: part was pressing send. Once I did, I immediately blocked

1110
00:51:53,520 --> 00:51:56,080
Speaker 2: them on everything and eleade of their numbers because I

1111
00:51:56,080 --> 00:51:58,640
Speaker 2: didn't want to give them a chance to presize history

1112
00:51:58,880 --> 00:52:02,160
Speaker 2: or tempt my own word instincts to engage further. I

1113
00:52:02,160 --> 00:52:04,440
Speaker 2: think that part was key to preventing it from turning

1114
00:52:04,440 --> 00:52:07,880
Speaker 2: into unnecessary drama. We've already been through the Ringer. I

1115
00:52:07,960 --> 00:52:10,520
Speaker 2: really encourage you to take your power back. You'll be

1116
00:52:10,560 --> 00:52:13,680
Speaker 2: surprised how much energy it's been draining from you. It

1117
00:52:13,719 --> 00:52:16,280
Speaker 2: won't fix everything, but at least you can stop singing

1118
00:52:16,320 --> 00:52:18,680
Speaker 2: and dancing for people who don't respect you. And there

1119
00:52:18,760 --> 00:52:20,719
Speaker 2: is an update, and I think we're finally getting to

1120
00:52:20,760 --> 00:52:24,400
Speaker 2: the title. WHOA Finally, I'm just gonna go right into it.

1121
00:52:24,440 --> 00:52:27,200
Speaker 4: So even forgot about the title update.

1122
00:52:27,280 --> 00:52:29,400
Speaker 2: That is much funnier than it should be. One of

1123
00:52:29,440 --> 00:52:32,200
Speaker 2: our mutual friends I'm keeping in my life came in

1124
00:52:32,280 --> 00:52:35,359
Speaker 2: for her hair last night and bully, did I get

1125
00:52:35,400 --> 00:52:38,480
Speaker 2: some tea. So this dear friend was my neighbor when

1126
00:52:38,520 --> 00:52:41,120
Speaker 2: I was with X, and our kids are close. She

1127
00:52:41,280 --> 00:52:43,680
Speaker 2: still has dang out with X and a fair partner

1128
00:52:43,719 --> 00:52:46,800
Speaker 2: on occasion because her husband is close to X. Anyway,

1129
00:52:46,880 --> 00:52:49,360
Speaker 2: I asked her how the wedding was, and she prefaced

1130
00:52:49,400 --> 00:52:51,600
Speaker 2: by saying, well, it was a lot less of a

1131
00:52:51,640 --> 00:52:53,959
Speaker 2: crap show than I thought it'd be, so already off

1132
00:52:53,960 --> 00:52:57,600
Speaker 2: to a great start. Apparently XC got so sloppy wasted

1133
00:52:57,719 --> 00:52:59,960
Speaker 2: that his brother, who was originally in charge of the

1134
00:53:00,120 --> 00:53:03,920
Speaker 2: smaller kids that night, had to babysit X instead. X

1135
00:53:04,040 --> 00:53:06,520
Speaker 2: is fifty one. For the record, Bro was not thrilled.

1136
00:53:06,719 --> 00:53:10,239
Speaker 2: Never in almost fifteen years together had I seen X

1137
00:53:10,280 --> 00:53:13,560
Speaker 2: get so wasted he needed minding. I was told this

1138
00:53:13,600 --> 00:53:17,680
Speaker 2: is now a regular occurrence. Next day, X was so

1139
00:53:18,000 --> 00:53:20,919
Speaker 2: hungover he dropped a fair partner's ring and the whole

1140
00:53:20,920 --> 00:53:23,040
Speaker 2: wedding party had to get on hands and knees to

1141
00:53:23,200 --> 00:53:26,040
Speaker 2: find it. This was during the ceremony. By the way,

1142
00:53:26,560 --> 00:53:29,560
Speaker 2: he also insisted his bro, who was also the efficient,

1143
00:53:29,680 --> 00:53:33,279
Speaker 2: dress up like Jeremiah Johnson for reason. Anyway, from the

1144
00:53:33,280 --> 00:53:35,920
Speaker 2: grainy pics I've seen so far, he looks like a

1145
00:53:35,960 --> 00:53:39,480
Speaker 2: confused Scandinavian elf smiling out of fear. Never in a

1146
00:53:39,520 --> 00:53:43,320
Speaker 2: million years what I've guessed right now my favorite part

1147
00:53:43,840 --> 00:53:46,479
Speaker 2: this might have made my year. A fair partner made

1148
00:53:46,800 --> 00:53:50,480
Speaker 2: X change his chat GBT voice to a dude because

1149
00:53:50,760 --> 00:53:53,799
Speaker 2: X has been obsessively talking to it every night while

1150
00:53:53,840 --> 00:53:56,520
Speaker 2: hold up in their garage with a bottle of whiskey.

1151
00:53:56,640 --> 00:53:58,680
Speaker 2: I guess a fair partner was so upset that my

1152
00:53:58,760 --> 00:54:00,960
Speaker 2: friend was shocked. I had heard about it yet I

1153
00:54:01,080 --> 00:54:04,000
Speaker 2: was wheezing, y'all. She went from being the other woman

1154
00:54:04,080 --> 00:54:06,879
Speaker 2: to being cheated on with AI. These people are such

1155
00:54:06,880 --> 00:54:07,720
Speaker 2: in front of losers.

1156
00:54:07,920 --> 00:54:08,960
Speaker 4: This is crazy.

1157
00:54:09,560 --> 00:54:10,520
Speaker 2: That what a turn?

1158
00:54:10,640 --> 00:54:11,520
Speaker 3: What a turn there?

1159
00:54:11,880 --> 00:54:13,080
Speaker 4: Oh my gosh.

1160
00:54:13,200 --> 00:54:16,200
Speaker 2: I mean, you know, you get them at you lose them.

1161
00:54:16,239 --> 00:54:19,120
Speaker 4: Like when you were saying the title originally, yeah, it's like,

1162
00:54:19,120 --> 00:54:21,480
Speaker 4: oh yeah, cheating on someone else, like that's what you get,

1163
00:54:21,520 --> 00:54:24,080
Speaker 4: that's what always happened, and it's yeah, you're in the AI.

1164
00:54:24,239 --> 00:54:25,880
Speaker 4: Pardon there, crazy.

1165
00:54:25,719 --> 00:54:28,920
Speaker 2: Crazy, But uh, that's the end of that story.

1166
00:54:29,560 --> 00:54:31,920
Speaker 1: Hey, keyon here, we're going to get back to the stories.

1167
00:54:31,920 --> 00:54:33,760
Speaker 1: But here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

1168
00:54:34,520 --> 00:54:37,480
Speaker 3: I refuse to dog sit for my father and it

1169
00:54:37,560 --> 00:54:38,640
Speaker 3: made him disown me.

1170
00:54:39,320 --> 00:54:40,400
Speaker 4: Oh no.

1171
00:54:41,239 --> 00:54:43,759
Speaker 3: I twenty nine mail live in a unit with my

1172
00:54:43,840 --> 00:54:45,920
Speaker 3: housemate and we have been together for two and a

1173
00:54:45,960 --> 00:54:48,880
Speaker 3: half years. We have rented other places together before I

1174
00:54:48,960 --> 00:54:51,479
Speaker 3: bought my own home recently. By the way, this comes

1175
00:54:51,480 --> 00:54:54,440
Speaker 3: from Adventurous Star four nine eight And if you want

1176
00:54:54,520 --> 00:54:56,200
Speaker 3: us to make your own stories, go to the r

1177
00:54:56,280 --> 00:54:59,719
Speaker 3: slash Okay, storytime, sub bredd it. I'm Carly and I'm Savannah,

1178
00:54:59,800 --> 00:55:01,920
Speaker 3: and when we're here to give good advice, goofy. But

1179
00:55:02,000 --> 00:55:04,440
Speaker 3: we don't have all the answers. We only know what

1180
00:55:04,480 --> 00:55:06,040
Speaker 3: we would do. Let us know what you would do

1181
00:55:06,120 --> 00:55:09,200
Speaker 3: in the comments. As opisas. The home I bought is

1182
00:55:09,239 --> 00:55:12,320
Speaker 3: a two bedroom unit with an outside area that's small

1183
00:55:12,400 --> 00:55:15,919
Speaker 3: and has stone and concrete. I also got my first cat,

1184
00:55:16,000 --> 00:55:18,480
Speaker 3: as I've wanted one for a long time. I mentioned

1185
00:55:18,480 --> 00:55:20,640
Speaker 3: to my housemate before I bought the house that I

1186
00:55:20,640 --> 00:55:22,440
Speaker 3: would get a cat so that at the end of

1187
00:55:22,480 --> 00:55:25,000
Speaker 3: the least from the previous home, she could decide whether

1188
00:55:25,040 --> 00:55:27,360
Speaker 3: to move in with me or stay at our old place.

1189
00:55:27,640 --> 00:55:30,240
Speaker 3: In our old home, we had a backyard with grass

1190
00:55:30,280 --> 00:55:33,319
Speaker 3: and an average sized yard. We looked after my dad's dog,

1191
00:55:33,520 --> 00:55:36,400
Speaker 3: a red healer, last year for two months. As my

1192
00:55:36,440 --> 00:55:39,160
Speaker 3: housemaid and I both agreed to it together, my dad

1193
00:55:39,200 --> 00:55:42,479
Speaker 3: and his partner went traveling for two months. My dad

1194
00:55:42,520 --> 00:55:44,560
Speaker 3: lives two and a half hours away from me, and

1195
00:55:44,680 --> 00:55:48,040
Speaker 3: his partner lives close by, as does her family. From

1196
00:55:48,080 --> 00:55:50,600
Speaker 3: where my dad lives, my brother lives a little over

1197
00:55:50,640 --> 00:55:53,560
Speaker 3: an hour away from both my dad and me. Fast

1198
00:55:53,600 --> 00:55:56,560
Speaker 3: forward to a couple of months ago, and two weeks

1199
00:55:56,560 --> 00:55:58,920
Speaker 3: before my dad and his partner were to leave, my

1200
00:55:59,040 --> 00:56:01,320
Speaker 3: dad asked if I could look after his dog again.

1201
00:56:01,560 --> 00:56:03,520
Speaker 3: I told him I would not make a decision right

1202
00:56:03,560 --> 00:56:05,359
Speaker 3: then and there, and then I would get back to him.

1203
00:56:05,480 --> 00:56:07,640
Speaker 3: My dad did not mention how long he would be

1204
00:56:07,640 --> 00:56:10,080
Speaker 3: away for, but I later found out it would be

1205
00:56:10,120 --> 00:56:13,000
Speaker 3: for two months. I spoke with my housemate, who said

1206
00:56:13,000 --> 00:56:15,319
Speaker 3: she did not wish to look after my dad's dog.

1207
00:56:15,480 --> 00:56:17,520
Speaker 3: I said that was fine. If the dog were here

1208
00:56:17,600 --> 00:56:20,399
Speaker 3: I would feel guilty leaving it outside all day while

1209
00:56:20,440 --> 00:56:23,319
Speaker 3: we both work full time and have other activities during

1210
00:56:23,320 --> 00:56:25,600
Speaker 3: the week. There's no grass, and I feel like it's

1211
00:56:25,640 --> 00:56:28,600
Speaker 3: not suitable for a dog, as dogs need grass. My

1212
00:56:28,680 --> 00:56:31,239
Speaker 3: housemate felt the same way. I messaged my dad to

1213
00:56:31,280 --> 00:56:33,480
Speaker 3: say that I could not look after his dog and

1214
00:56:33,640 --> 00:56:37,239
Speaker 3: gave him some alternative options, such as boarding homes or

1215
00:56:37,360 --> 00:56:40,759
Speaker 3: kennels in his area. Money is not an issue for

1216
00:56:40,840 --> 00:56:43,719
Speaker 3: my dad. My dad then messaged me back, stating that

1217
00:56:43,840 --> 00:56:47,480
Speaker 3: I was being unhelpful that I should look after his dog.

1218
00:56:47,719 --> 00:56:51,040
Speaker 3: He also said that because of my decision, our relationship

1219
00:56:51,080 --> 00:56:54,640
Speaker 3: would change moving forward. I feel it's unhealthy to base

1220
00:56:54,640 --> 00:56:58,640
Speaker 3: a relationship on conditions. My dad stated that he helped

1221
00:56:58,680 --> 00:57:01,480
Speaker 3: me by my first home despite living far away two

1222
00:57:01,520 --> 00:57:04,160
Speaker 3: and a half hours, and that family helps out in

1223
00:57:04,239 --> 00:57:06,839
Speaker 3: times of need. This is important to note because when

1224
00:57:06,880 --> 00:57:09,600
Speaker 3: I needed him more urgently, such is when I needed

1225
00:57:09,640 --> 00:57:11,920
Speaker 3: to stay at his home because my mom was in

1226
00:57:11,920 --> 00:57:14,960
Speaker 3: an awful family relationship. She's now in a much happier

1227
00:57:15,000 --> 00:57:18,360
Speaker 3: relationship and I'm very happy for her. I asked my dad,

1228
00:57:18,440 --> 00:57:20,640
Speaker 3: who had a spare bed, if I could stay with him,

1229
00:57:20,800 --> 00:57:23,920
Speaker 3: and he said no. My dad was living with his partner,

1230
00:57:24,120 --> 00:57:26,840
Speaker 3: not the current one his ex at the time, and

1231
00:57:27,000 --> 00:57:30,240
Speaker 3: later on, when his ex's partner's son had a falling

1232
00:57:30,280 --> 00:57:32,880
Speaker 3: out with his father, he got to live in the home.

1233
00:57:33,040 --> 00:57:35,240
Speaker 3: For me. I felt like I was not a priority,

1234
00:57:35,360 --> 00:57:38,680
Speaker 3: yet I still loved my dad without conditions. I feel

1235
00:57:38,720 --> 00:57:41,760
Speaker 3: it's my dad's responsibility to find his dog a place

1236
00:57:41,800 --> 00:57:44,320
Speaker 3: to stay while he goes overseas, and that he just

1237
00:57:44,440 --> 00:57:47,760
Speaker 3: expected me to say yes two weeks before his holiday

1238
00:57:47,960 --> 00:57:50,760
Speaker 3: because he sees me as someone who always says yes.

1239
00:57:51,200 --> 00:57:53,520
Speaker 3: I feel it's my house and my dad needs to

1240
00:57:53,600 --> 00:57:56,640
Speaker 3: respect my decision and not guilt trip me. I also

1241
00:57:56,760 --> 00:57:59,680
Speaker 3: need to consider my housemate's views and wishes and not

1242
00:57:59,760 --> 00:58:02,600
Speaker 3: just overrule her for the sake of my dad. Am

1243
00:58:02,680 --> 00:58:05,160
Speaker 3: I the a hole? They have some comments, but what

1244
00:58:05,280 --> 00:58:06,040
Speaker 3: do you say?

1245
00:58:06,360 --> 00:58:08,400
Speaker 2: I don't think that you're the a hole, O Pie,

1246
00:58:08,720 --> 00:58:09,400
Speaker 2: not at all.

1247
00:58:10,000 --> 00:58:10,200
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1248
00:58:10,240 --> 00:58:13,000
Speaker 5: I think that you discussed it with your housemate. It

1249
00:58:13,040 --> 00:58:15,080
Speaker 5: would be worse if you like just said yes and

1250
00:58:15,120 --> 00:58:17,040
Speaker 5: then didn't discuss, and then now you have to like

1251
00:58:17,120 --> 00:58:19,200
Speaker 5: deal with all of that plus taking care of the

1252
00:58:19,240 --> 00:58:21,080
Speaker 5: dog and all the stress of that, you know, and

1253
00:58:21,120 --> 00:58:23,760
Speaker 5: plus like you live what like two and a half

1254
00:58:23,840 --> 00:58:27,400
Speaker 5: hours away, and also you know, you said you don't

1255
00:58:27,400 --> 00:58:29,640
Speaker 5: really have like a yard with like grass and stuff,

1256
00:58:29,680 --> 00:58:33,960
Speaker 5: and like that's also very responsible when it comes to dogs,

1257
00:58:33,960 --> 00:58:35,800
Speaker 5: because they do need a place to like run around,

1258
00:58:35,840 --> 00:58:37,400
Speaker 5: get their energy out and whatnot.

1259
00:58:37,600 --> 00:58:38,560
Speaker 4: So that's good as well.

1260
00:58:38,600 --> 00:58:40,640
Speaker 5: I think that you made the right decision, And I

1261
00:58:40,640 --> 00:58:43,440
Speaker 5: don't understand why your dad is like being very you know,

1262
00:58:43,880 --> 00:58:46,240
Speaker 5: nasty about it, because they also said that, like the

1263
00:58:46,280 --> 00:58:49,360
Speaker 5: partner's family lives like right there, so why couldn't they

1264
00:58:49,400 --> 00:58:52,240
Speaker 5: just ask them to just like the brothers also only

1265
00:58:52,240 --> 00:58:54,840
Speaker 5: an hour so it's like, why are you the only

1266
00:58:54,920 --> 00:58:56,680
Speaker 5: one required to watch this dog?

1267
00:58:56,880 --> 00:59:00,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's why I'm I don't I don't know why.

1268
00:59:00,200 --> 00:59:02,080
Speaker 5: Maybe like because you have done it in the past

1269
00:59:02,120 --> 00:59:04,000
Speaker 5: and he just knows that you would do a good job,

1270
00:59:04,080 --> 00:59:07,720
Speaker 5: I guess. But also when you can't, you can't, you know. Yeah,

1271
00:59:07,760 --> 00:59:10,480
Speaker 5: comments comment are one, not the a whole. Your dad

1272
00:59:10,600 --> 00:59:13,360
Speaker 5: is one, though, Hold tough. Why can't your brother or

1273
00:59:13,400 --> 00:59:16,160
Speaker 5: someone related to his partner watch the dog or at

1274
00:59:16,240 --> 00:59:18,400
Speaker 5: least check on it if they hire a house sitter,

1275
00:59:18,560 --> 00:59:21,280
Speaker 5: Opie says. My brother and his partner were overseas for

1276
00:59:21,320 --> 00:59:23,960
Speaker 5: a couple of weeks on holidays and they just returned.

1277
00:59:24,480 --> 00:59:27,280
Speaker 5: My dad complained to my brother about what happened. My

1278
00:59:27,360 --> 00:59:29,600
Speaker 5: brother and his partner have two dogs of their own

1279
00:59:29,800 --> 00:59:32,560
Speaker 5: with their own backyard. My brother and his partner are

1280
00:59:32,600 --> 00:59:33,560
Speaker 5: looking after the dog.

1281
00:59:33,840 --> 00:59:36,160
Speaker 3: My dad stated he will use kennels and my brother

1282
00:59:36,280 --> 00:59:38,240
Speaker 3: to be able to look after the dog. I feel

1283
00:59:38,240 --> 00:59:40,120
Speaker 3: that my dad could have planned this a lot better.

1284
00:59:40,240 --> 00:59:42,560
Speaker 3: I feel my dad just assumed I would say yes

1285
00:59:42,800 --> 00:59:45,520
Speaker 3: two weeks before he left, and then when I said no,

1286
00:59:45,760 --> 00:59:48,520
Speaker 3: his plan went down the drain and is gaslighting me

1287
00:59:48,640 --> 00:59:51,080
Speaker 3: to make it look like I'm wrong because my dad

1288
00:59:51,120 --> 00:59:53,520
Speaker 3: does not like to be wrong. We have an update

1289
00:59:53,640 --> 00:59:54,680
Speaker 3: three months later.

1290
00:59:54,960 --> 00:59:56,959
Speaker 2: Ooh yeah, like.

1291
00:59:57,000 --> 01:00:00,000
Speaker 3: There could have totally been way more like full disclosed

1292
01:00:00,200 --> 01:00:01,680
Speaker 3: about like it's going to be a two month trip

1293
01:00:01,760 --> 01:00:04,440
Speaker 3: like this and this, and maybe if he hadn't just

1294
01:00:04,480 --> 01:00:06,720
Speaker 3: sprung it on you, well, I know your roommate wasn't

1295
01:00:06,720 --> 01:00:08,440
Speaker 3: really into it, but like there could have been compromise

1296
01:00:08,480 --> 01:00:10,920
Speaker 3: of like can you watch the dog for the weekend

1297
01:00:11,000 --> 01:00:13,640
Speaker 3: until your brother gets back, or like can you pick

1298
01:00:13,680 --> 01:00:15,000
Speaker 3: him up from the kettle and bring him to your

1299
01:00:15,000 --> 01:00:16,880
Speaker 3: brothers or something like I'm sure that you were willing

1300
01:00:17,360 --> 01:00:20,760
Speaker 3: to help out. You just couldn't do this two month

1301
01:00:20,840 --> 01:00:22,840
Speaker 3: thing that he tells you about two weeks before.

1302
01:00:23,440 --> 01:00:26,600
Speaker 5: Two months is a long time to have, like to

1303
01:00:26,640 --> 01:00:28,400
Speaker 5: be watching a dog time I have out a social

1304
01:00:28,480 --> 01:00:30,640
Speaker 5: life like that to go home and check a dog

1305
01:00:30,720 --> 01:00:31,240
Speaker 5: and stuff.

1306
01:00:31,440 --> 01:00:31,760
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1307
01:00:31,880 --> 01:00:34,280
Speaker 2: I actually did dog sit for like two.

1308
01:00:34,120 --> 01:00:36,360
Speaker 5: Almost three months, and it was it was a lot,

1309
01:00:36,400 --> 01:00:38,920
Speaker 5: but it was I loved that dog though. Yeah, but

1310
01:00:39,520 --> 01:00:41,640
Speaker 5: you know, it is a lot of responsibility because then

1311
01:00:41,640 --> 01:00:43,720
Speaker 5: it's like, Okay, I can't be out too late because

1312
01:00:43,760 --> 01:00:46,000
Speaker 5: I have to take the dog out. Yeah, okay, you

1313
01:00:46,000 --> 01:00:48,000
Speaker 5: know I need to plan my break around this, Like

1314
01:00:48,040 --> 01:00:50,360
Speaker 5: you know, you do have to like plan to have

1315
01:00:50,800 --> 01:00:51,400
Speaker 5: an animal.

1316
01:00:51,600 --> 01:00:54,240
Speaker 4: So now it could cause a lot of stress.

1317
01:00:54,520 --> 01:00:57,800
Speaker 3: Yeah, update three months later. Hey everyone, I thought I

1318
01:00:57,800 --> 01:00:59,920
Speaker 3: would give an update to my previous post about my

1319
01:01:00,120 --> 01:01:02,080
Speaker 3: dad wanting me to look after his dog while he

1320
01:01:02,160 --> 01:01:04,720
Speaker 3: went on a six week holiday. We lived two and

1321
01:01:04,720 --> 01:01:07,240
Speaker 3: a half hours from each other. Around mid August, my

1322
01:01:07,320 --> 01:01:10,360
Speaker 3: dad got back and we briefly spoke over the phone.

1323
01:01:10,440 --> 01:01:12,400
Speaker 3: I explained to him that I didn't look after his

1324
01:01:12,480 --> 01:01:16,120
Speaker 3: dog because the backyard wasn't suitable, and my housemate said no.

1325
01:01:16,480 --> 01:01:17,640
Speaker 4: I told my dad I.

1326
01:01:17,680 --> 01:01:20,280
Speaker 3: Needed to consider her views as she lives with me,

1327
01:01:20,440 --> 01:01:24,120
Speaker 3: pays rent, and that overruling her would create a negative

1328
01:01:24,120 --> 01:01:26,680
Speaker 3: home environment for me. Dad said I saw it as

1329
01:01:26,680 --> 01:01:28,000
Speaker 3: an inconvenience to look.

1330
01:01:27,840 --> 01:01:28,600
Speaker 2: After his dog.

1331
01:01:28,880 --> 01:01:31,640
Speaker 3: He also brought up that twelve months earlier he helped

1332
01:01:31,640 --> 01:01:33,960
Speaker 3: me find a house and fix a few small things.

1333
01:01:34,200 --> 01:01:37,080
Speaker 3: Traveling back and forth, I explained that he was retired

1334
01:01:37,360 --> 01:01:39,520
Speaker 3: chose to help, and then I thanked him by buying

1335
01:01:39,600 --> 01:01:42,120
Speaker 3: him dinner and giving him a hug. I also offered

1336
01:01:42,120 --> 01:01:44,840
Speaker 3: a chip in for petrol, but he declined. Dad said

1337
01:01:44,960 --> 01:01:47,480
Speaker 3: family helps each other out. I reminded him that he

1338
01:01:47,520 --> 01:01:49,480
Speaker 3: didn't help me when I needed him in a time

1339
01:01:49,520 --> 01:01:52,720
Speaker 3: of crisis see my previous post. I told him I

1340
01:01:52,800 --> 01:01:56,440
Speaker 3: still loved him unconditionally. Despite that, Dad asked if I

1341
01:01:56,480 --> 01:01:59,560
Speaker 3: had any unresolved issues from that situation it happened to

1342
01:01:59,600 --> 01:02:01,720
Speaker 3: eight years yars ago, and I said no, it was

1343
01:02:01,920 --> 01:02:04,760
Speaker 3: just an example. I told him that his message after

1344
01:02:04,800 --> 01:02:07,560
Speaker 3: I said no, where he wrote that our relationship would change,

1345
01:02:07,680 --> 01:02:09,560
Speaker 3: really hurt me to the point that I had to

1346
01:02:09,640 --> 01:02:12,960
Speaker 3: take time off work. Dad apologized, but justified it by

1347
01:02:12,960 --> 01:02:14,920
Speaker 3: saying that was how he felt at the time and

1348
01:02:14,960 --> 01:02:17,240
Speaker 3: that I needed to hear him. I told him that

1349
01:02:17,280 --> 01:02:19,720
Speaker 3: he chose to respond that way and could have handled

1350
01:02:19,760 --> 01:02:22,720
Speaker 3: it differently. Dad then said his dog had to live

1351
01:02:22,800 --> 01:02:25,840
Speaker 3: with a stranger for a couple of weeks, and then afterward,

1352
01:02:25,880 --> 01:02:27,880
Speaker 3: when he and his partner got back from their trip,

1353
01:02:28,200 --> 01:02:30,560
Speaker 3: he asked my brother to look after it. My brother

1354
01:02:30,640 --> 01:02:33,720
Speaker 3: and his partner said yes. My mom, who's been supporting

1355
01:02:33,720 --> 01:02:36,320
Speaker 3: me through this, told me it was a reluctant yes

1356
01:02:36,400 --> 01:02:39,120
Speaker 3: because they already have two dogs. I told my dad

1357
01:02:39,160 --> 01:02:41,400
Speaker 3: that was his choice, and I reminded him that I

1358
01:02:41,440 --> 01:02:44,400
Speaker 3: had already given him kennel options before he left. I

1359
01:02:44,440 --> 01:02:46,400
Speaker 3: told my dad that I said no, and that was

1360
01:02:46,480 --> 01:02:49,600
Speaker 3: my decision. We gave each other space after that, and

1361
01:02:49,640 --> 01:02:51,720
Speaker 3: I didn't reach out to him because I wanted to

1362
01:02:51,760 --> 01:02:54,240
Speaker 3: focus on myself. A month and a half went by

1363
01:02:54,400 --> 01:02:57,040
Speaker 3: and my dad messaged me saying he wanted to catch up.

1364
01:02:57,120 --> 01:02:59,040
Speaker 3: We talked on the phone and then met in person.

1365
01:02:59,240 --> 01:03:01,880
Speaker 3: In the meantime, I spoke with my brother and explained

1366
01:03:01,960 --> 01:03:04,200
Speaker 3: why I said no. My brother said I could do

1367
01:03:04,240 --> 01:03:06,360
Speaker 3: what I wanted with my house since I own it,

1368
01:03:06,440 --> 01:03:09,040
Speaker 3: but claimed my housemate shouldn't have the power to say no.

1369
01:03:09,440 --> 01:03:12,600
Speaker 3: He called me selfish. I told him he chose to

1370
01:03:12,600 --> 01:03:15,560
Speaker 3: look after the dog and it wasn't my responsibility. I

1371
01:03:15,640 --> 01:03:18,160
Speaker 3: explained that we have different perspectives and that I can

1372
01:03:18,160 --> 01:03:21,400
Speaker 3: make my own choices. I reminded him that Dad hasn't

1373
01:03:21,400 --> 01:03:23,600
Speaker 3: always been there for me when I needed him, while

1374
01:03:23,600 --> 01:03:26,120
Speaker 3: he said that family helps each other out. I pointed

1375
01:03:26,120 --> 01:03:29,400
Speaker 3: out the difference between me fleeing from my stepdad when

1376
01:03:29,440 --> 01:03:32,440
Speaker 3: Dad refused to let me stay, and Dad now wanting

1377
01:03:32,440 --> 01:03:35,200
Speaker 3: me to take his dog. My brother admitted Dad hasn't

1378
01:03:35,240 --> 01:03:37,680
Speaker 3: always been there for us, but still said we should

1379
01:03:37,680 --> 01:03:39,880
Speaker 3: help out. Few weeks later, I saw my dad in

1380
01:03:39,920 --> 01:03:42,960
Speaker 3: public and he said this lack of communication isn't what

1381
01:03:43,120 --> 01:03:46,680
Speaker 3: he considers family to be based on his values. I

1382
01:03:46,840 --> 01:03:49,120
Speaker 3: just listened because we were in public, and it wasn't

1383
01:03:49,120 --> 01:03:52,400
Speaker 3: the right time to argue to me, my dad hasn't changed,

1384
01:03:52,520 --> 01:03:55,280
Speaker 3: and I don't think he will, given he's in his sixties.

1385
01:03:55,560 --> 01:03:58,320
Speaker 3: Moving forward, my dad said he's fine with me not

1386
01:03:58,360 --> 01:04:01,680
Speaker 3: looking after his dog. Feel our relationship is different now,

1387
01:04:01,920 --> 01:04:04,960
Speaker 3: and I'm proud of myself for not caving to his request.

1388
01:04:05,360 --> 01:04:08,720
Speaker 5: I don't think that it's fair of the brother to say, well,

1389
01:04:09,040 --> 01:04:11,520
Speaker 5: your housemate doesn't have the power to say no.

1390
01:04:11,680 --> 01:04:12,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's insane.

1391
01:04:13,560 --> 01:04:14,120
Speaker 4: Yeah they do.

1392
01:04:14,600 --> 01:04:16,280
Speaker 3: Yeah, she lives there.

1393
01:04:16,600 --> 01:04:17,000
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1394
01:04:17,040 --> 01:04:20,400
Speaker 5: Also they live there, they pay rent, They do the

1395
01:04:20,440 --> 01:04:23,320
Speaker 5: same exact thing as your sister, So why would they

1396
01:04:23,520 --> 01:04:25,280
Speaker 5: not have the same rights.

1397
01:04:25,040 --> 01:04:27,120
Speaker 3: Like she would be dealing with helping with the dog

1398
01:04:27,240 --> 01:04:28,240
Speaker 3: the same amount.

1399
01:04:28,600 --> 01:04:31,280
Speaker 4: Yeah, exactly. And maybe she doesn't want a dog in

1400
01:04:31,280 --> 01:04:31,800
Speaker 4: her space.

1401
01:04:32,080 --> 01:04:34,320
Speaker 3: You know, like what if she was like super allergic

1402
01:04:34,320 --> 01:04:36,400
Speaker 3: to the dog or something, You're just like gonna be like.

1403
01:04:36,360 --> 01:04:39,320
Speaker 4: Hey, deal with no space to say it, doesn't have

1404
01:04:39,320 --> 01:04:39,680
Speaker 4: the power to.

1405
01:04:39,720 --> 01:04:42,760
Speaker 3: Say no, crazy FARMI river. Yeah. At the end of

1406
01:04:42,800 --> 01:04:44,800
Speaker 3: the day. He asked me two weeks before if I

1407
01:04:44,800 --> 01:04:47,320
Speaker 3: could look after his dog. I looked after it last

1408
01:04:47,360 --> 01:04:49,800
Speaker 3: year with my housemate in another house, but I didn't

1409
01:04:49,840 --> 01:04:53,240
Speaker 3: have the capacity. This time, I can't please everyone, and

1410
01:04:53,280 --> 01:04:55,280
Speaker 3: I need to do what's best for me. I feel

1411
01:04:55,280 --> 01:04:57,880
Speaker 3: my dad just didn't accept my decision and shifted the

1412
01:04:57,920 --> 01:05:00,960
Speaker 3: blame onto me when it was his problem, not mine.

1413
01:05:01,120 --> 01:05:03,520
Speaker 3: I think he was upset because his plan fell apart

1414
01:05:03,680 --> 01:05:06,160
Speaker 3: and it looked bad on him since his partner hosted

1415
01:05:06,160 --> 01:05:09,200
Speaker 3: a family event I wasn't invited to I found out later.

1416
01:05:09,440 --> 01:05:12,240
Speaker 3: I imagine people asked where I was, and that probably

1417
01:05:12,280 --> 01:05:14,520
Speaker 3: made him feel embarrassed. And that is the end of

1418
01:05:14,520 --> 01:05:15,080
Speaker 3: that story.