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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha. I'm welcome to Stefan

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Speaker 1: Never told you Protection of iHeartRadio, and welcome to a

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Speaker 1: classic about taking vacation, because we are trying to take

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Speaker 1: some vacation, which we have talked about before several times.

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Speaker 1: Is not always the easiest when you publish six episodes

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Speaker 1: a week, but we're trying to do it. Are you excited?

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Speaker 1: How are you feeling?

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Speaker 2: I don't know.

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Speaker 3: I'm trying to get through this week, I think, so

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Speaker 3: I haven't even thought about it, and then the whole

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Speaker 3: adventure of like packing and getting ready and then taking

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Speaker 3: the dog. And then I'm excited because I do love

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Speaker 3: spending time with my partner's family, but that's also hectic

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Speaker 3: in itself. So I'm excited to get away, but I'm

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Speaker 3: so caught up in everything else that I'm not excited,

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Speaker 3: if that makes.

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Speaker 1: Sense, right, right right? Maybe it'll hit later.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, So I think when I'm sitting in like a

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Speaker 3: different place with a good view, I'll be like, oh,

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Speaker 3: look that's nice.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, I'm excited. But as they talked about recently,

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Speaker 1: I got all this family drama drama associated with my

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Speaker 1: trip now, But then I was also thinking about because

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Speaker 1: I am I'm sure to the surprise of no one

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Speaker 1: when they announced not a sponsor, they're gonna have a

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Speaker 1: Last of Us Haunted house at Universal. I'm in the

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Speaker 1: midst of planning that because you have to you have

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Speaker 1: to be ahead of the game. So but when I

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Speaker 1: was thinking about that, because then Dragon Con, it's just

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Speaker 1: like every month has a thing now that I wasn't anticipating,

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Speaker 1: which is great, like, you know, I'm very happy for that,

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Speaker 1: but I kind of it's like, oh no, we're going

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Speaker 1: to have to figure all of this out. It'll work

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Speaker 1: out and this so we're bringing back this happy hour.

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Speaker 1: This happy hour is a little dated because it was

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Speaker 1: during kind of early pandemic days. So we talked a

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Speaker 1: lot about about that, which I still think because this

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Speaker 1: if if we my friends and I go, we haven't

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Speaker 1: gone to like a restaurant at that area at my

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Speaker 1: grandparents beach house and since the pandemic. So I don't know,

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Speaker 1: I don't know what we're gonna do this year. These

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Speaker 1: are still questions that are happening for sure, But yeah,

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Speaker 1: I wish us luks.

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Speaker 3: Totally be careful because there's a malaria in Sarasota Florida,

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Speaker 3: and I know you're not going into Florida, but you're

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Speaker 3: definitely on that line.

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Speaker 1: Another thing to worry about. Thank you, No, I appreciate

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Speaker 1: it. It's good to know. But all right, please enjoy this

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Speaker 1: classic episode. Hey, this is Annie and Samantha and welcome

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Speaker 1: to Stef I've never told you production of iHeartRadio. It

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Speaker 1: is time for another happy hour, So cheers everyone, kid,

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Speaker 1: drink responsibly if you choose to do so. And today

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Speaker 1: we're going to be talking about some friendship traditions and

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Speaker 1: women and vacation because a peak behind the curtain, listeners,

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Speaker 1: Samantha and I are trying to take one of these

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Speaker 1: elusive vacations, which means that we are still drinking a

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Speaker 1: drink that we had in a previous happy hour, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: the one we did on Antiel Tequila. So I am

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Speaker 1: still drinking the tequila sour, which is lovely and a

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Speaker 1: delight and very, like I said in that episode, makes

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Speaker 1: me feel like I'm at the beach. So that's where

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Speaker 1: I'm trying to go. I feel ready, You're ready, yes.

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Speaker 3: And I am drinking my Paloma, which is almost like

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Speaker 3: candy liquid candy, so it can be very dangerous.

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Speaker 4: But also seems very beach like.

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Speaker 3: So thank you to the Fergusons and Intil Tequila for

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Speaker 3: sending us your coconut lime tequila because it is delicious.

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Speaker 1: Yes, not a sponsor. We are currently not sponsored by anyone,

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Speaker 1: and we talked about but they did send us product,

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Speaker 1: so that is very lovely and it is it tastes

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Speaker 1: very lovely. But yeah, we're trying to go on vacation,

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Speaker 1: which I know. I try to get some numbers on

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Speaker 1: this because I just feel like, especially in the United States,

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Speaker 1: where work and productivity, as we've talked about before, is

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Speaker 1: often tied to morality and your worth and workaholic is

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Speaker 1: painted as a good thing, that it's taking a vacation

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Speaker 1: becomes a point of stress and also is extremely difficult,

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Speaker 1: and a lot of people don't do it here in

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Speaker 1: the US, right And that's why even though we are

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Speaker 1: taking this vacation and we have planned it in a

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Speaker 1: way where we're not doing too much on top of

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Speaker 1: like our regular duties, but it's still a thing where

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Speaker 1: you have to like work to go on vacation. So

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Speaker 1: I was trying to find some numbers about women and

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Speaker 1: vacation and whether or not there's any kind of gender

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Speaker 1: difference between men and women taking vacation, And I feel

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Speaker 1: like I've heard those stories before where women are less

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Speaker 1: likely to take vacation, more likely to take days where

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Speaker 1: they take care of other folks. But I couldn't. I

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Speaker 1: couldn't find any of this, So maybe I'll continue to

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Speaker 1: look into it. But I do feel like women have

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Speaker 1: this pressure to overperform, to not put anyone out, to

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Speaker 1: make sure that no one is going to have to

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Speaker 1: do more for them if they do go on vacation,

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Speaker 1: and if you I have other responsibilities like kids on

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Speaker 1: top of that, Like there's just all of this stuff

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Speaker 1: that turns what should be like a time to relact

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Speaker 1: into just this thing that becomes another stressor and job

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Speaker 1: that you have to get to to work through.

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Speaker 2: Right, I have a belief.

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Speaker 3: So my family did not do vacations often. It used

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Speaker 3: to be every four years. It would be my mom,

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Speaker 3: my dad, my brother, and I and sometimes my older

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Speaker 3: siblings when they were around. But they moved at the

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Speaker 3: home pretty quickly when I was young, pretty early on.

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Speaker 3: But we would go to Tennessee to Dollywood and that

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Speaker 3: would be and we would only take like four days.

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Speaker 4: It was not a week.

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Speaker 3: That was not a thing, and I just remember, as

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Speaker 3: fun as it was, it was mainly just us all

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Speaker 3: arguing and my mom losing it and screaming at us

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Speaker 3: and telling us.

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Speaker 4: Not to talk anymore.

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Speaker 3: Oh wow, and then my dad giving us that face

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Speaker 3: that he's going to find a way to smack us,

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Speaker 3: and I'm wanna say smack us. I'm like, you know,

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Speaker 3: like the whole backseat swipe. I'm trying to get us

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Speaker 3: to stop arguing.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, that's I think that's actually a great point, Samantha,

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Speaker 1: because I when I was growing up, when I was

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Speaker 1: like four or five, of course, had been exposed to

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Speaker 1: the commercials for Disney World, and I like went and

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Speaker 1: you know, went through with the commercial where the kid

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Speaker 1: would go into the parents' bedroom at night and be like, oh,

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Speaker 1: can we go to Disney World? And they would look

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Speaker 1: at each other and then say yes. That was not

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Speaker 1: my experience. My parents said never will we take you

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Speaker 1: to Disney World. That's why I joined marching band, because

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Speaker 1: it's my only way to get there. But I've thought

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Speaker 1: about that a lot, especially in families where money is tight.

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Speaker 1: Disney World's expensive, and it's a lot of pressure to

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Speaker 1: make this thing a fun thing, and that in turn

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Speaker 1: makes it again a stressful thing. And I think especially

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Speaker 1: for in a lot of cases women, where we have

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Speaker 1: been socialized to put that pressure on us of making

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Speaker 1: everyone else happy, right, But it's just so much.

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Speaker 4: Pressure, right.

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Speaker 3: And I think there's this whole argument, and it was

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Speaker 3: like a few years ago where with viral the argument

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Speaker 3: of whether or not to allow adults to come without children,

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Speaker 3: if you remember that whole debacle, Yeah, And the argument

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Speaker 3: was made that it's so miserable, especially with really young

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Speaker 3: kids when they don't even understand what's going on, who

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Speaker 3: get tired within an hour, especially in Florida heat, so

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Speaker 3: if you're going to Florida Disney World, and that it

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Speaker 3: was such a different experience for them to come as

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Speaker 3: an adult, to do exactly what they want without worrying

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Speaker 3: about what their kids are doing or how to make

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Speaker 3: sure they're okay.

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Speaker 4: And honestly, for.

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Speaker 3: Me as a social worker, when I would go as

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Speaker 3: a nanny, I was on the lookout for any pedophiles

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Speaker 3: trying to kidnap the kids like that was another part

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Speaker 3: of all of that, which is very ridiculous. I'm a

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Speaker 3: little paranoid, but the differences that happened, and especially for

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Speaker 3: moms who are the ones that are packing for the

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Speaker 3: day trip, who are trying to figure out where to

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Speaker 3: eat dinner, when to eat dinner, what's next those kids' knees,

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Speaker 3: how much they can afford to pay, because dude, we

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Speaker 3: were all about the sandwich bags because we could not

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Speaker 3: afford going to the restaurant within a theme park because

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Speaker 3: it was so expensive. About I remember thinking all the

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Speaker 3: kids who were going to Disney World, they were super rich,

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Speaker 3: and I didn't understand it, as well as the fact if.

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Speaker 4: You came back with souvenirs.

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Speaker 3: What.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, And I am the dreaded adults that has gone

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Speaker 1: to Disney World without children, and I have made a

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Speaker 1: kind of mean spirited tally. Or I'll count how many

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Speaker 1: arguments over here at Disney World, Magic Kingdom's the worst,

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Speaker 1: the worst?

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Speaker 4: How many kids will have a breakdown?

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Speaker 3: Yes, And to the parents who are dealing with this,

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Speaker 3: you are superheroes, just so you know this is.

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Speaker 4: Not mocking you in any way. Oh wow, Wow.

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Speaker 3: That is a full time like ontaking of things that

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Speaker 3: I could not imagine.

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Speaker 1: Right, And that's again, that's like as you were saying, Samantha,

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Speaker 1: the planning of the meals and what is this child

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Speaker 1: gonna need? And you're putting all this pressure for them

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Speaker 1: to have this magical experience. We're not really coming out

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Speaker 1: against Disney. It's just a really easy target in this

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Speaker 1: instance of like you'd feel because you see it commercials,

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Speaker 1: the child's gonna go and it's gonna be perfect, and

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Speaker 1: you want to make it perfect. But yes, they're children

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Speaker 1: and it's hot, and it's a long day and it's tiring,

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Speaker 1: and I just think, yeah, that is is another thing

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Speaker 1: where we're women are trying to plan because there's so much.

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Speaker 1: Samantha's heard me like, there's so much to plan when

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Speaker 1: you go to Disney, and you have to do it

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Speaker 1: in advance if you really want it to go smoothly.

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Speaker 1: And I think some people you know, are much better

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Speaker 1: at being spontaneous than I am, but I'm like, one

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Speaker 1: hundred and eighty days before, here's what we gotta.

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Speaker 4: Do to be fair.

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Speaker 3: I enjoyed that I didn't have to plan a damn thing,

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Speaker 3: and you had everything lined up, and I told you

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Speaker 3: exactly what I wouldn't do and what I would do.

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Speaker 4: And you did your thing. And if I didn't want

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Speaker 4: to do it.

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Speaker 3: I would just said, Hey, I love that, Yes too, Tired,

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Speaker 3: I'm like, I'm going back to the hotel.

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Speaker 4: You all have fun.

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Speaker 1: Well that is funny you say that, though, because I'm

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Speaker 1: really good at planning things, and especially like as I've

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Speaker 1: talked about recently in our Boyfriend's pass epipsode, I can

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Speaker 1: be quite selfish. So I like know the things I

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Speaker 1: want to do, and I know I will go out

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Speaker 1: of my way to plan them, and I kind of

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Speaker 1: get a feel for what other people want. But it

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Speaker 1: is funny to me how many people, especially during the pandemic,

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Speaker 1: were like, can you plan this for me? And then

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Speaker 1: I kind of ended up feeling like how I imagine a

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Speaker 1: mom feels, where it's just expected that you are going

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Speaker 1: to plan the whole thing.

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Speaker 4: Now true, and that.

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Speaker 1: Could lead to some issues. Let me say yes. But

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Speaker 1: so the trip I'm going on is not a Disney World.

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Speaker 1: It is a trip I take with my friends to

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Speaker 1: the beach every year. And they're friends I've had since

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Speaker 1: in some cases elementary school but in all cases middle school,

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Speaker 1: and we've managed to stay really close through all of this.

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Speaker 1: We always do themes every year, and we take what

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Speaker 1: we call a family photo, which is really cool to

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Speaker 1: see kind of the progression and it's it's lovely. It's

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Speaker 1: one of those friendships where even if we haven't seen

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Speaker 1: each other for a year, it's easy to just catch

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Speaker 1: up and talk with each other and we kind of

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Speaker 1: know each other's like I can tell you like who

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Speaker 1: won't eat this and who won't eat this, and the

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Speaker 1: planning of that. And it is such a rejuvenating experience

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Speaker 1: to have these friends that I just know, like I

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Speaker 1: can count on every year we're going to do this

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Speaker 1: and it's going to be a recharging and rejuvenating experience

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Speaker 1: for me. That said, I do find I have a

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Speaker 1: lot of trouble unplugging from work. It takes me a

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Speaker 1: couple days often and even then I never completely am

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Speaker 1: able to do it. I don't know what your experience

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Speaker 1: has been with this, John Samantha.

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Speaker 4: No, well not even with this job, so I don't know.

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Speaker 3: I think when I was with DJJ, the Department Juvenile Justice,

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Speaker 3: I was a residential placement specialist in which I try

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Speaker 3: to get treatment for kids instead of locking them up.

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Speaker 3: So that was my goal because I had no one

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Speaker 3: to really cover me and to answer my emails because

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Speaker 3: they don't have enough positions.

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Speaker 4: I rarely took a full week off. I would specifically

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Speaker 4: take Thursday.

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Speaker 3: Friday, Monday, and I would never actually turn off my email,

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Speaker 3: and to the point that I would still have my

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Speaker 3: out of office email, but I would check it and

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Speaker 3: it will that wasn't responded to, like the person who

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Speaker 3: supposed to cover me, which I had a partner, y'all

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Speaker 3: have if you have listened, have heard Courtney on the show,

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Speaker 3: and she's been my rock in that position, one of

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Speaker 3: my closest friends, like I love her to death. She

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Speaker 3: would take it on, but knowing that she also had

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Speaker 3: literally forty something counties on her books while I had

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Speaker 3: the metro areas that had the dense populations, and so

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Speaker 3: if she didn't respond within a certain time, especially if

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Speaker 3: it was emergencies, I would respond to it.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, So I never really took a vacation with that.

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Speaker 3: In this job, I still don't quite grasp what we're doing.

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Speaker 3: I think I said this already a couple of times,

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Speaker 3: to the point that I feel like when we're watching

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Speaker 3: a movie, when we're going away, I'm always still working

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Speaker 3: being aware of, Oh this is something we need to

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Speaker 3: talk about, Oh this is something we need to cover

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Speaker 3: as in fact, yes we're going on vacation, but my

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Speaker 3: intent is to take my laptop to do some research

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Speaker 3: for future episodes because, as we said earlier, you know this,

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Speaker 3: we're recording this a little earth, so we're doing back

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Speaker 3: to back. As much as we're going to try to

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Speaker 3: cram in publishing five and a half episodes, I count

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Speaker 3: the classics as episodes a week. It's stressful and so

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Speaker 3: it never really stops. And even though we are cramming in,

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Speaker 3: we're probably doing what we've done what twenty episodes and

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Speaker 3: is going to be in a two week stretch, twenty

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Speaker 3: to twenty five episodes in a two week stretch. When

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Speaker 3: we come back, we don't have to come right back

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Speaker 3: on it, and whatever we're kind of stored up is gone.

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Speaker 3: So to me, it doesn't stop, right.

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Speaker 1: And that's that stressed too, is you know what's waiting

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Speaker 1: for you. And I think I think two that when

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Speaker 1: you have a job that you care about, or you're

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Speaker 1: a generally empathetic person, that it is hard too. You

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Speaker 1: can't just turn that off right, So, and it frustrates

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Speaker 1: me because the cap system that we operate in.

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Speaker 3: Right, we don't be rewarded for being right extra sensitive

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Speaker 3: to other people, but other people get punished exactly we

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Speaker 3: don't do it right.

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Speaker 1: And also they're like, I care about this job and

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Speaker 1: I want to do it well, and that is a

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Speaker 1: good thing. I'm happy about it, but it is it

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Speaker 1: can't be exploited, and it has been exploited because.

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Speaker 3: It has been Yeah, right, the expectations that's onto us.

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Speaker 3: We don't have substitute hosts right right.

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Speaker 1: And I don't want this to sound like to any

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Speaker 1: listeners like we're some kind of intervention or something, because

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Speaker 1: I do think this is something a lot of women experience,

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Speaker 1: Like I don't think this is unique to us, And

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Speaker 1: I just wanted to talk about that for a second,

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Speaker 1: because I do think vacation is incredibly important, but for

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Speaker 1: a lot of us it's difficult to achieve for one

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Speaker 1: reason or the other.

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Speaker 3: Well, the fact that the US is also a very

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Speaker 3: performance based but when we say performance based, they're not

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Speaker 3: grading on whether or not you're doing well. They're grading

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Speaker 3: whether or not you're doing not well. So they're always

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Speaker 3: looking to find a way to punish you within the system,

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Speaker 3: but not to reward you. So overworking is not something

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Speaker 3: that people take technically taking notice of outside of yourself

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Speaker 3: and your family, who you're having to sacrifice time with.

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Speaker 3: And I think that's a whole other conversation as well

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Speaker 3: as the fact when we have hourly wages, which you

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Speaker 3: know not all of us do they goodness, But when

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Speaker 3: that comes to light or commission based, there is this

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Speaker 3: again penalty for not going over and beyond, and this

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Speaker 3: whole mentality that to be accomplished you have to be

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Speaker 3: an overachiever willing to sacrifice. Everything is so toxic in itself,

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Speaker 3: but we still can't let go of it.

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Speaker 4: I can't let go.

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Speaker 3: But again, mine had everything to do with no literally,

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Speaker 3: people will die. I can't do this of heart right,

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Speaker 3: this job not so much, but in my head I

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Speaker 3: can't let goveb. Mentality has been I've been working since

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Speaker 3: I was thirteen.

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Speaker 4: I can't let that go in my head.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and I think that's an unfortunate consequence of I mean,

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Speaker 1: there are many unfortunate consequences of this, but of women

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Speaker 1: and marginal lines, people feeling we had to prove ourselves

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Speaker 1: above and beyond, and so our standard feels much higher.

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Speaker 1: So we're holding ourselves to this overachiever status, like you say, Samantha,

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Speaker 1: which shouldn't be the norm, Like we've pushed it up

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Speaker 1: and now we can't go back to like a basic

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Speaker 1: baseline that some people get to experience, but a lot

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Speaker 1: of us don't. And I remember telling my mom that

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Speaker 1: in college. She said, every time you come home, it

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Speaker 1: feels like you are so stressed, and I said, I

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Speaker 1: just like, there's always always something to do. There's never

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Speaker 1: there's never a time where I can just relax. And

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Speaker 1: here we are trying to go vac So, Samantha, what

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Speaker 1: are you what are you looking forward to? We've painted

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Speaker 1: a lot of negatives here, but there's some positives.

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Speaker 3: So my vacation is more of a getaway to my

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Speaker 3: partner's family's home, who has set himself up really nicely

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Speaker 3: in his retirement. He lives on the beach in Florida

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Speaker 3: and has an amazing pool. But what I'm really excited

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Speaker 3: about is taking my dog, who loves to swim and

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Speaker 3: loves that pool so much that she goes ham when

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Speaker 3: she gets all up in that pool. So I'm really

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Speaker 3: excited to take all the videos of her swimming around

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Speaker 3: because it's quite delightful.

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Speaker 1: What about you, perfect, perfect and all?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, people, whatever. People.

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Speaker 1: Samantha, and I recently decided that I am much more

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Speaker 1: like Peaches than previously Realiz.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, maybe the competition, Like you are the same person,

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Speaker 3: and there's a level of competition between the two of you.

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Speaker 1: Beaches.

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Speaker 3: Oh no, my affections just for who you are.

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Speaker 1: Also, Oh no, Yeah, I'm really like, of course to

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Speaker 1: seeing my friends, and I feel like because we are.

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Speaker 1: I mean, the US is really fortunate a lot of ways,

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Speaker 1: unfortune a lot of ways. When it comes to the vaccine,

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Speaker 1: I'm still really hesitant. So I think we're going to

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Speaker 1: stay in most of the whole time, whereas we used

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Speaker 1: to go out much more when we would do this trip.

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Speaker 1: But I'm kind of looking forward to that. I'm kind

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Speaker 1: of looking forward to days where we just hang around

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Speaker 1: and play games and talk and eat and drink and

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Speaker 1: just hopefully relaxed days which I don't normally afford myself

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Speaker 1: too much or you know, pre pandemic. Pandemic has changed.

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Speaker 3: But you also an overtiever that gets things done within

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Speaker 3: like the first two hours of an assignment, so therefore

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Speaker 3: you have a little more discipline in this.

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Speaker 4: But yeah, I really hope you do get to do

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Speaker 4: that now.

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Speaker 3: I have a feeling your friends are gonna gonna put

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Speaker 3: you on track.

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Speaker 1: They're very they're very supportive of they there. I feel

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Speaker 1: bad that they have to do this, but they're really

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Speaker 1: good about like it's time for you to go to

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Speaker 1: sleep because I'm terrible at sleeping, or it's time for

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Speaker 1: you to eat because I'm terrible at eating. They're really good.

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Speaker 1: What do you want to do? You want to watch

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Speaker 1: Star Wars again? Let's put it in.

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Speaker 4: So many Star Wars.

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Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, I am. I am on a current

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Speaker 1: path of educating another friend in Star Wars and it's

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Speaker 1: been very rewarding and she's been very receptive to my ideas.

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Speaker 2: I love it.

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Speaker 1: Yes, I do too. Well. Cheers, Cheers, y'all, cheers. We

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Speaker 1: hope that you listeners get to go on a vacation

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Speaker 1: or get to relax somehow and you could tell us

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Speaker 1: all about your trips to your adventures. We would love

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Speaker 1: to hear about it. You can email us at Stephaniamostuff

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Speaker 1: at iHeartMedia dot com. You can find us on Twitter

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Speaker 1: at mosta Podcasts, or on Instagram at stuff I Never

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Speaker 1: told You. Thanks as always to our super producer, Christina go.

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Speaker 4: On vacation Christina Guess and.

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Speaker 1: Thanks to you for listening. Steffan Never Told You is

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Speaker 1: the production of iHeartRadio. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit

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Speaker 1: the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to

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Speaker 1: favorite shows.