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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Angie and this is Keon, your favorite

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Speaker 1: Oka Storytime host, and we've got great stories coming right up.

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Speaker 2: But before that, we have a quick two minute break

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Speaker 2: from the sponsors that keep this show alive.

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Speaker 3: I interrupted my son's date and it did not end well.

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Speaker 4: Oh sorry, I'll just close the door.

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Speaker 3: I am a single father forty three male to two children,

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Speaker 3: Max seventeen male and Liza, eight female. I usually have

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Speaker 3: Liza in after school clubs so that I'm able to

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Speaker 3: pick her up after work. However, last evening I was

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Speaker 3: given some work that required me to stay late. I

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Speaker 3: tried my best to negotiate out of it, but my

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Speaker 3: manager told me the assignment had to be completed that night,

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Speaker 3: so I just did it. By the way, this comes

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Speaker 3: from user a Helpless Dad twenty seven eighty five. And

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Speaker 3: if you want to submit your own stories, go to

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Speaker 3: the r slash Okay Storytime subbured it.

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Speaker 1: I'm Dakota, I'm Sophia, I'm Keon, and we did give

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Speaker 1: you good advice goofly, but we don't have all the answers.

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Speaker 1: We only know what we'd do, So let us know

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Speaker 1: what you do in the comments. It was nearing six

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Speaker 1: pm and I knew I would know be able to

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Speaker 1: make it to Liza's school.

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Speaker 3: I called Max and asked him to pick her up.

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Speaker 3: He responded by saying he could not.

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Speaker 1: Because he was on a date with his girlfriend for

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Speaker 1: their sixth month anniversary.

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Speaker 3: I told him I understood, but emphasized that I really

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Speaker 3: needed him to get Liza and promised to make it

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Speaker 3: up to him for interrupting. He angrily turned off the phone,

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Speaker 3: and I thought that although he was mad, he had

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Speaker 3: decided to pick her up anyway. Thirty minutes later, I

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Speaker 3: received a call from Liza's school asking where I was

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Speaker 3: because the school was close to closing down and no

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Speaker 3: one was there. Luckily, one of Liza's friends mothers said

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Speaker 3: they would drop her off, which resolved the immediate problem. However,

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Speaker 3: I did not like Liza going with that particular friend,

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Speaker 3: not because of the friend, but because of the mother.

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Speaker 3: She has a habit of asking Liza math questions she

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Speaker 3: cannot answer and then criticizing her over it. It is

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Speaker 3: quite mean since.

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Speaker 4: His seven year old and she goes fifteen plus sixteen and.

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Speaker 3: Liza's like dumb prove this equation? Why equals MX plus

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Speaker 3: B explain? I called Max to ask where where he

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Speaker 3: was and told him he was in big trouble. When

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Speaker 3: he got home, you know where he was. He just

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Speaker 3: told me he was busy and to leave him the

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Speaker 3: heck alone. He came home around nine pm. I told

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Speaker 3: him he was grounded and would not be allowed to

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Speaker 3: use the car for three weeks. At that he became

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Speaker 3: mad and said it was not his fault that I

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Speaker 3: was failing as a parent and could not afford someone

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Speaker 3: to collect Liza. I am now looking for insight on

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Speaker 3: this situation and whether I was being too harsh for

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Speaker 3: interrupting his date.

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Speaker 1: Am I the a hole? Comments Number one says.

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Speaker 3: Okay, I'll take the bullet here, not the A hole.

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Speaker 3: You're not failing as a parent. You had to work

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Speaker 3: over time, You're not out drinking or screwing around. Your

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Speaker 3: son was in the wrong here for not helping, turning

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Speaker 3: off his phone and calling you.

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Speaker 1: Out for it.

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Speaker 3: But you two need to talk this out and discuss expectations.

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Speaker 3: If you expect him to be a part of the

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Speaker 3: contingency plan, then that.

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Speaker 1: Needs to be crystal clear.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and what happens to car privies when he doesn't reply?

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Speaker 3: I don't blame op for the situation, but it's so

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Speaker 3: funny to me that this sub is calling the.

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Speaker 1: Case an a whole.

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Speaker 3: Usually they love to regurgitate your kids your problem, and

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Speaker 3: lack of planning on your part doesn't constitute an emergency

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Speaker 3: on mine. I think these are super crappy worldviews, but

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Speaker 3: it's so weird that they suddenly don't apply to a

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Speaker 3: kid just trying to celebrate his anniversary. Reply to that, says,

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Speaker 3: a kid just trying to celebrate his anniversary. I take

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Speaker 3: your point, but this kid told his single dad that

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Speaker 3: he was failing as a parent and to leave him

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Speaker 3: the heck alone. I can't even imagine saying either of

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Speaker 3: those to my hard working single mom.

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Speaker 1: Sons an a whole and dad is doing his best

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Speaker 1: in my opinion.

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Speaker 4: The thing is that I know now.

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Speaker 1: The way the sun reacted, for sure was rude.

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Speaker 5: And I was gonna say, he's seventeen, seventeen years old,

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Speaker 5: and I know he's not a he's a teen and

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Speaker 5: he's almost an adult, but they don't know any better

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Speaker 5: until they get older, and they're gonna look back at

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Speaker 5: it and it's like, wow, that we learn, we will learn.

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Speaker 5: And I feel like everyone has said something like that, yeah,

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Speaker 5: in the line to someone they love absolutely.

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Speaker 3: Comment two, So here's the thing. I get Max's response.

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Speaker 3: Our kid is nineteen, I was sixteen once. I get it,

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Speaker 3: I really do. But Op made arrangements that were supposed

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Speaker 3: to work and then something dropped on his lap.

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Speaker 1: Whether we like it or not, this happens. When it happens.

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Speaker 3: Families ought to be a team, and in this case,

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Speaker 3: the team needed Max to go and get his sister again.

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Speaker 3: Max's seventeen. Our kid has gone eight hours without returning text.

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Speaker 3: But these were about simple things like you coming home

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Speaker 3: for dinner or what have you not, I'm stuck at work, help,

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Speaker 3: et cetera. Anyways, not the ahole caught in a bad

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Speaker 3: situation that could happen to any of us.

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Speaker 1: Comment three.

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Speaker 3: He interrupted a six month and aversary of two teenagers

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Speaker 3: that was taking place in the afternoon. It's not as

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Speaker 3: serious as some of y'all are making it out to be.

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Speaker 3: This is the third time I've asked Max to pick

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Speaker 3: up his sister in a year and a half. Some

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Speaker 3: people have asked why I do not have a nanny.

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Speaker 3: Money is tight, Liza and Max's mother is not present

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Speaker 3: in their life. I have not socialized with other parents

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Speaker 3: at Liza's school because I'm at work most times and

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Speaker 3: only attend yearly parent meetings and there is an update.

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Speaker 3: There were also comments I breezed over that were ridiculous

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Speaker 3: because the comments were like, what do you mean your

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Speaker 3: job is making you stay to do work?

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Speaker 1: Jobs?

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Speaker 6: Do that?

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Speaker 3: And then they were talking about like, well, I think

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Speaker 3: OP needs to create stronger boundaries with their work.

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Speaker 1: But it's like, dude, this.

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Speaker 3: Is welcome to the reality of you do the work

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Speaker 3: or you get fired.

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Speaker 1: Now you also have a job.

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Speaker 4: And now he's taking two kids with no job.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it's like I gotta keep my job. Is the

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Speaker 3: answer to all of those comments.

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Speaker 5: Again, like I said, this is a big life lesson

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Speaker 5: for everyone because what if your son wasn't eventage, what.

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Speaker 4: If he was like two hours away?

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Speaker 5: You know, yeah, and yes that does suck, But then

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Speaker 5: you need to pivot of whose plans C or D

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Speaker 5: or e f G, whatever Z just to have a backup, backup.

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Speaker 4: If you called up an adult like a tread and

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Speaker 4: you said, hey, I need you to do something and

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Speaker 4: they said I can't do it, you don't ground them.

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Speaker 4: If you really need them to do it, you explain this.

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Speaker 3: Is why he's no, but he's for sure getting grounded

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Speaker 3: just after no, no, no, I after we're having our

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Speaker 3: sit down.

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Speaker 4: That's not my point. I'm just saying with adult like

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Speaker 4: we're not like he isn't an adult yet because he

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Speaker 4: can still be grounded and he still doesn't understand consequences

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Speaker 4: to things. But if you want to lead him to

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Speaker 4: that point, which I think is the goal, I'm not

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Speaker 4: a parent, but I think that's the goal of all parents,

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Speaker 4: is to lead them to a point where they're independent.

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Speaker 6: Right.

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Speaker 4: I think you say you're still grounded because you're still

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Speaker 4: a kid, You're still under my care.

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Speaker 1: This guy to the point where the pit starts, and

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Speaker 1: then put him in the pit.

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Speaker 4: But but the transition period is also adding on that conversation.

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Speaker 4: I think that's I'm not a parent. Put I don't

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Speaker 4: know how I would do it.

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Speaker 7: That's a parent.

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Speaker 1: Put it in the pit, lower it down with a

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Speaker 1: rope into the pit, put him in the pit.

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Speaker 4: I think I would just want to communicate more while

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Speaker 4: also adding in constants.

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Speaker 1: You can shout down into the pit.

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Speaker 4: That's my thoughts.

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Speaker 1: Thank you for all the comments.

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Speaker 3: I spent a good hour reading them and It made

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Speaker 3: me realize I've been quite soft with Max's upbringing, which

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Speaker 3: likely made him feel comfortable speaking to me the way

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Speaker 3: he did that night.

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Speaker 4: Oh boy, Oh damn, let's go. I don't think we're

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Speaker 4: going towards communication. Yeah, I don't know if we're going

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Speaker 4: towards that answer pitt.

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Speaker 3: I also admit which rhymes with pitt, that I have

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Speaker 3: spoiled him, giving him everything he asks for. I did

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Speaker 3: this because I didn't want him to feel lacking compared

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Speaker 3: to his peers since he doesn't have his mother in

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Speaker 3: his life. Now I see this was not the best reasoning.

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Speaker 3: I had a discussion with Max a few days ago

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Speaker 3: while Liza was away. He tried to have his grounding

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Speaker 3: and car privileges removed, but I stayed firm.

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Speaker 1: This shocked him as he is used to getting his way,

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Speaker 1: but he understood he was in the wrong. Okay. Max

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Speaker 1: became emotional during the conversation and apologized for his behavior.

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Speaker 5: Hey.

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Speaker 6: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: He acknowledged he was too late to fix past mistakes,

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Speaker 3: but promised to not repeat them. He even offered to

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Speaker 3: pick Liza up on days when he doesn't have soccer

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Speaker 3: practice or plans. After reading advice to do so I

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Speaker 3: made an anonymous complaint to HR about my manager's.

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Speaker 1: TENNESSI fine, last minute tasks. Good, Hey, there we go, here,

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Speaker 1: we go learn.

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Speaker 5: This is a learning situation for everything.

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Speaker 1: That's how you do it.

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Speaker 4: You don't sit down lightly for this story.

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Speaker 1: You go to HR.

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Speaker 3: Other people in my department have experienced the same thing,

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Speaker 3: but we're afraid to speak up. HR has responded and

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Speaker 3: it is being dealt with. I was embarrassed to confront

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Speaker 3: Liza's friend's mother and only gave her some dirty looks

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Speaker 3: when she was not looking.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, why would you do anything? She literally watched her

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Speaker 1: kid for you. Don't you should confront her with a

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Speaker 1: thank you?

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Speaker 4: She probably asked some hard hitting questions about algebra.

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Speaker 3: Many people asked what I would do if this happened again,

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Speaker 3: and we have reached a mutual agreement with Max that

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Speaker 3: he understands he needs to help out.

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Speaker 4: In the families, which is what I wanted.

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Speaker 3: The situation is not ideal, but we're making it work.

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Speaker 3: I sincerely thank everyone for their comments and advice, and

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Speaker 3: there are some more comments here, but OHP doesn't reply

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Speaker 3: to any of them.

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Speaker 4: This is very It's what I wanted that story. This

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Speaker 4: is what I wanted. I'm not I feel like I'm

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Speaker 4: we might get flamed at parts, or I might get flamed.

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Speaker 4: I'm not a parent. I don't know what I'm doing.

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Speaker 5: We say at the very beginning, we only know what

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Speaker 5: we do.

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Speaker 4: We only know what we do. I have never a

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Speaker 4: parented a child. I've only baby sat children and not teenagers. Yeah,

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Speaker 4: I've been around teenagers.

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Speaker 5: I guarantee you. I was in high school and I

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Speaker 5: was friends with Max. Yeah, I'm like, dude, your dad sucks.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I'd be like, oh my god.

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Speaker 7: Your your dad's not annoying.

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Speaker 1: I prior your dad do that.

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Speaker 4: But like I do understand, like, does he not know

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Speaker 4: how serious a six month university?

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Speaker 1: Dude, your six your future, that's like half a year,

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Speaker 1: that's so long.

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Speaker 4: I just think your sister, I just I do think

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Speaker 4: that all the people in the comments saying like, seventeen

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Speaker 4: year old is old enough to know that this is wrong,

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Speaker 4: like maybe after the fact, but.

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Speaker 3: Also we have the context that he's a spoiled brat. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: he may have spoiled brat. He acted like one. Ah,

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Speaker 3: there you go, and that's the end of the story.

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Speaker 3: We're going to go on to the next one.

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Speaker 4: I refuse to sacrifice my trip so my parents could

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Speaker 4: have a loane time.

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Speaker 7: Do you want to simply or not.

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Speaker 4: I'm eighteen with two sisters, Missy fifteen female and Macy

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Speaker 4: nineteen female. Macy is high needs, having a four year

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Speaker 4: old's mindset needing help twenty four to seven. Growing up,

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Speaker 4: I often felt like I was an afterthought. But I

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Speaker 4: get my parents. We just dealing with the cards they

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Speaker 4: were given. By the way, this comes from Successful movie

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Speaker 4: thirty two to twenty five, and if you want to

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Speaker 4: spit your own stories, go to the r slash Okay

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Speaker 4: storytime subpured it.

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Speaker 7: I'm Sophia, I'm Carly, I'm Keon, and we're here to give.

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Speaker 4: Good advice Goofy. But we don't have all the answers.

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Speaker 4: We only know what we'd do, so let us know

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Speaker 4: what you would do in the comments. Missy is usually

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Speaker 4: super independent, but has started shutting everyone out, kind of

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Speaker 4: like I used to. She's like two different people out

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Speaker 4: going at school, quiet and to herself at home, so

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Speaker 4: I've been trying to take her out more break the

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Speaker 4: chain as best I can. Now, Missy and I plan

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Speaker 4: this weekend trip to celebrate me snagging my first car.

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Speaker 4: We both saved up and my parents were totally cool

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Speaker 4: with it, so I let them know, and my mom

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Speaker 4: asks if Macy could join. I shut that down real quick.

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Speaker 4: Macy's not a fan of trips, especially long ones, and

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Speaker 4: the whole point was for me and Missy to have

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Speaker 4: some quality time. My mom agreed reluctantly, but my dad

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Speaker 4: later pulls me aside, saying it's their chance for a

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Speaker 4: night alone and it's a way for me to show

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Speaker 4: appreciation that one night wouldn't ruin our lives. Now I'm stuck.

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Speaker 4: I feel super crappy for not wanting to take Macy.

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Speaker 4: But at the same time, how is it fair to

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Speaker 4: me and Missy? I just need some unbiased opinions. And

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Speaker 4: there are some comments, but do you have any thoughts.

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Speaker 7: I do think it's a little.

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Speaker 6: Weird for the parents to like say that and phrase

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Speaker 6: it in a way of like and you do, oh.

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Speaker 4: You do owe us.

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Speaker 6: It's like, yes, kinda not really like it's just you

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Speaker 6: can't just change I don't know the plan.

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Speaker 4: Can't change the plans. Common one says, not the able.

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Speaker 4: If your parents would like a night alone, then they

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Speaker 4: need to hire someone qualified to meet in Macy's needs

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Speaker 4: and then they have their time alone. This trip is

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Speaker 4: an opportunity for you and Missy to have time together

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Speaker 4: and get a break from being glass children. Info. Have

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Speaker 4: your parents made arrangements for Macy's care once they are

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Speaker 4: unable to care for I'm not sure, and if they have,

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Speaker 4: no one has told me. I plan to talk to

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Speaker 4: them tomorrow about everything. I'll make sure to add this

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Speaker 4: to everything and reply. As the sibling to a low

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Speaker 4: functioning adult, I guarantee that you and Missy are your parents'

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Speaker 4: plan for Macy's care when they can no longer do it.

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Speaker 4: It's time to start telling them that this won't happen

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Speaker 4: and it's not negotiable. Not the ale for wanting a

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Speaker 4: fun time away alone with Missy. You're not a trio

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Speaker 4: and you don't have to include anyone you don't want

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Speaker 4: with you. Comment two says, can you plan a night

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Speaker 4: where you spend the night and your parents can go

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Speaker 4: out for the evening and stay at a hotel for

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Speaker 4: a mini one night vacation. That way, your sister doesn't

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Speaker 4: have to leave the house, but your parents can have

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Speaker 4: a much needed couple break. No Pie says, I'll definitely

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Speaker 4: try this out and see how it goes. Thanks for

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Speaker 4: the idea. Comment three says, not the ale They need

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Speaker 4: to organize their own nights alone, not expect you to

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Speaker 4: change your plans so they can get one and the show.

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Speaker 4: Oh appreciation, jab oof, not cool, dad, Dad. This weekend

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Speaker 4: is about me and Missy and we've been planning it

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Speaker 4: for ages. We won't be changing it. If you'd like

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Speaker 4: me to watch Macy and Missy another time while you

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Speaker 4: take mom out for a date, let's chat dates and

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Speaker 4: options exactly. Yeah, why can't you guys do it another time?

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Speaker 6: Yeah? That's the thing, is like, this is their time

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Speaker 6: away from their other siblings, and now you're just like,

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Speaker 6: oh no, and take her too. It's like, no, the

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Speaker 6: whole point of the trip, only me and Missy are going.

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Speaker 4: And forres says not the Ale. I can empathize with

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Speaker 4: your parents, but in the end, their kids are their responsibility.

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Speaker 4: You had planned something and they want to take that

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Speaker 4: away to benefit themselves. It would be appropriate for them

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Speaker 4: to ask you to take your older sister another time

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Speaker 4: and probably pay you for your trouble so they can

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Speaker 4: get that alone time. But trying to force you to

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Speaker 4: change your plans to accommodate their wants is a bit selfish.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 6: And also she didn't even like she doesn't.

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Speaker 7: Like long trips.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, she wouldn't even want to go on.

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Speaker 7: This right now. You're making your kids have a terrible time.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, and there is an update. But I think it's

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Speaker 4: pretty unreasonable for your parents to ask this of you.

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Speaker 4: When I agreed, they could just say, hey, could you

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Speaker 4: watch her, you know, take care of her another weekend

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Speaker 4: so we can have weekend off.

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Speaker 1: Update.

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Speaker 4: A lot of you are asking the same questions, so

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Speaker 4: I'll go ahead and try to answer them all. Yes,

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Speaker 4: Macey does have a caregiver all week during the daytime

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Speaker 4: while everyone is at work in school. I also spend

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Speaker 4: time with Macy the same I do with Missy. We

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Speaker 4: watch movies, read books, color, et cetera. I definitely will

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Speaker 4: tell my parents that I am not bringing Macy on

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Speaker 4: our trip and that is non negotiable, and maybe I

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Speaker 4: could watch her for the weekend while they do whatever.

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Speaker 4: I guess when my dad said appreciation, he was referring

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Speaker 4: to going half of my car. I will also tell

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Speaker 4: them that I do not plan to take care of

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Speaker 4: Macy when they get older or pass away, and that

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Speaker 4: they need to start to look for somewhere for her

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Speaker 4: to go. I will definitely bring up the year's worth

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Speaker 4: of neglect and how sooner or later they will lose

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Speaker 4: both of their daughters. I really appreciate everyone's advice in

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Speaker 4: the car comments. It made me feel less alone. I'll

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00:15:02,600 --> 00:15:05,680
Speaker 4: also definitely be showing them the comments. I'll do an

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Speaker 4: update post either after the conversation or after our trip,

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Speaker 4: depending on how it goes. And there is an update

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Speaker 4: almost two years later. Well, it took a while for

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Speaker 4: that trip. Then what do you think happens?

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Speaker 6: Well, first, what I was gonna say before I take

360
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Speaker 6: my guess is that I think bringing the car into

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Speaker 6: it is ridiculous.

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Speaker 7: I know, appreciation because we paid for not the same

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Speaker 7: thing at all, No, totally different.

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Speaker 6: I think Macy did not go on the trip. Yeah,

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Speaker 6: I'm gonna be hopeful. I think that they had it out.

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Speaker 6: They hashed it out, and maybe it was an argument,

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Speaker 6: and then the parents were like, you know, we're really sorry,

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Speaker 6: we're just really tired. And then she was like, and

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Speaker 6: I'll watch her for a different weekend, and they were

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Speaker 6: like that would be lovely.

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Speaker 4: I think I'm gonna go on the other side just

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Speaker 4: to give a little bit. Okay, variety, I think that

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Speaker 4: OPI has now gone low to no contact with her family,

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Speaker 4: and I'm just to ad variety. Yeah, ad variety, kean.

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Speaker 7: Think of a third Yeah, you have to do ithn't

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Speaker 7: be either.

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Speaker 4: Of the things you said.

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Speaker 5: There's no such thing as trip. There was never such

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Speaker 5: a trip.

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00:16:06,760 --> 00:16:07,360
Speaker 7: It was a test.

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Speaker 4: Oh my go Almost two years later, Hey, so I

382
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Speaker 4: forgot I even made this post until I was going

383
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Speaker 4: through old screenshots. Life got busy, A lot happened, and

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Speaker 4: I never came back to update. But since the post

385
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Speaker 4: reached a lot of people and honestly helped me more

386
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Speaker 4: than I expected, I figured i'd share of things turned out. Yes,

387
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Speaker 4: Missy and I went on our.

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Speaker 6: Trip, Thank thank goodness. I wanted to be so yeah.

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Speaker 7: Thing is out, Yeah you're done.

390
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Speaker 4: It was amazing, just the two of us blasting music,

391
00:16:36,040 --> 00:16:40,000
Speaker 4: grabbing fast food, stand up late, talking and doing normal

392
00:16:40,040 --> 00:16:42,920
Speaker 4: sibling stuff without pressure. We both really needed it. I

393
00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:46,520
Speaker 4: told my parents Macy wasn't coming. They weren't thrilled, especially

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Speaker 4: my dad, but they didn't stop us. When I got home,

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Speaker 4: we had a real conversation. I told them everything, how

396
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Speaker 4: I felt invisible, growing up how Missy was starting to

397
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Speaker 4: feel the same way, and how our whole world revolved

398
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Speaker 4: around Macy. I said I wouldn't be her future caregiver.

399
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Speaker 4: That was when their tone changed. They said Macy would

400
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Speaker 4: always be their priority. That told me everything I needed

401
00:17:06,960 --> 00:17:09,239
Speaker 4: to know. A few days later, I moved out. It

402
00:17:09,280 --> 00:17:11,879
Speaker 4: wasn't dramatic. We all kind of quietly agreed it was

403
00:17:11,920 --> 00:17:15,840
Speaker 4: time I started college early and finally got some space. Update.

404
00:17:16,640 --> 00:17:20,160
Speaker 4: College has been life changing. I started therapy, which helped

405
00:17:20,200 --> 00:17:22,600
Speaker 4: me work through guilt and stress I didn't realize I had.

406
00:17:22,800 --> 00:17:25,640
Speaker 4: I've made new friends and started figuring out who I

407
00:17:25,680 --> 00:17:28,840
Speaker 4: am outside of my family. I still go home sometimes.

408
00:17:29,080 --> 00:17:31,320
Speaker 4: I still love Macy. That was never the issue. I

409
00:17:31,440 --> 00:17:35,360
Speaker 4: just needed to choose myself to Missy is doing better now.

410
00:17:35,440 --> 00:17:38,040
Speaker 4: She's more vocal and plans to leave for college soon.

411
00:17:38,119 --> 00:17:40,800
Speaker 4: My parents and I are civil, but it's different. They've

412
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Speaker 4: started looking into long term care options for Macy.

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Speaker 7: That's great good.

414
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Speaker 4: So it seems like your conversation actually got through to them,

415
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:49,800
Speaker 4: which is awesome, and they know I won't be stepping

416
00:17:49,800 --> 00:17:52,400
Speaker 4: into that role. Thanks to everyone who read or commented

417
00:17:52,440 --> 00:17:54,639
Speaker 4: on the original post, you've helped more than you know,

418
00:17:54,720 --> 00:17:57,480
Speaker 4: if you're going through something similar, just know you're not selfish.

419
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Speaker 7: Choosing yourself is okay. So NATSI, I feel I'm.

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Speaker 6: Not personally sure. She got through to her parents still.

421
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Speaker 6: I just realized, oh she's doing she just went low

422
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Speaker 6: contact and they were like, oh, no option. Yeah maybe,

423
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Speaker 6: And that's the end of this story. We're gonna go

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Speaker 6: to the next one. My father chose his fiance over

425
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Speaker 6: me even though I'm having a surgery.

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Speaker 4: Well that's tough.

427
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Speaker 6: I seventeen, female have had a rocky relationship with my dad.

428
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Speaker 6: My parents married after I was born, hoping to provide

429
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Speaker 6: a stable family for me, but they divorced when I

430
00:18:31,920 --> 00:18:34,560
Speaker 6: was eleven after my dad went to rehab and things

431
00:18:34,600 --> 00:18:35,800
Speaker 6: only worsened from there.

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Speaker 7: By the way, this comes.

433
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Speaker 6: From normal redditor, and if you want to submit your

434
00:18:39,520 --> 00:18:42,359
Speaker 6: own stories, go to the rslash Okay storytime subreddit.

435
00:18:42,440 --> 00:18:45,840
Speaker 7: I'm Carly, I'm Sophia. I'm and we're here to give

436
00:18:45,840 --> 00:18:46,359
Speaker 7: good advice.

437
00:18:46,440 --> 00:18:48,960
Speaker 6: Goofily, but we don't have all the answers really know

438
00:18:49,000 --> 00:18:50,359
Speaker 6: what we would do, so let us know what you

439
00:18:50,400 --> 00:18:53,040
Speaker 6: would do in the comments. During rehab, he met his

440
00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:56,440
Speaker 6: current fiance and they later had a kid. Six female.

441
00:18:56,480 --> 00:19:00,000
Speaker 6: Since then, my dad has been mostly absent from my life.

442
00:19:00,240 --> 00:19:03,160
Speaker 6: Whenever I have important events, he either has an excuse

443
00:19:03,359 --> 00:19:06,680
Speaker 6: or doesn't show. I'd estimate he's been present for less

444
00:19:06,720 --> 00:19:09,680
Speaker 6: than half of my events since their divorce. A few

445
00:19:09,760 --> 00:19:12,880
Speaker 6: years ago, I was diagnosed with scoliosis, and.

446
00:19:13,119 --> 00:19:15,680
Speaker 7: Initially surgery wasn't needed.

447
00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:19,080
Speaker 6: However, my condition got worse and I was finally scheduled

448
00:19:19,080 --> 00:19:21,880
Speaker 6: for surgery on November twentieth of this year.

449
00:19:22,040 --> 00:19:22,560
Speaker 7: I told my.

450
00:19:22,600 --> 00:19:25,760
Speaker 6: Dad about it months ago, expressing how much I needed

451
00:19:25,760 --> 00:19:28,640
Speaker 6: his support this time, and he promised he'd be there.

452
00:19:28,680 --> 00:19:31,320
Speaker 6: But later he texted to say he planned a vacation

453
00:19:31,400 --> 00:19:34,120
Speaker 6: that would keep him away until mid December, just as

454
00:19:34,160 --> 00:19:36,280
Speaker 6: my recovery period would be ending.

455
00:19:36,600 --> 00:19:39,080
Speaker 7: It broke my heart, but I accepted it.

456
00:19:39,160 --> 00:19:42,520
Speaker 6: Then two hurricanes hit his vacation spot, and he told

457
00:19:42,600 --> 00:19:43,800
Speaker 6: me he'd make my surgery.

458
00:19:44,080 --> 00:19:45,800
Speaker 7: I felt a glimmer of hope.

459
00:19:46,080 --> 00:19:50,240
Speaker 6: But then just a week before my surgery, he texted again,

460
00:19:50,440 --> 00:19:54,199
Speaker 6: saying his fiance's lunth ser surgery had been scheduled for

461
00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:57,800
Speaker 6: the same day, a few hours before mine, at a

462
00:19:57,840 --> 00:20:00,879
Speaker 6: hospital thirty minutes away. He said, but he might not

463
00:20:01,040 --> 00:20:03,679
Speaker 6: make it to my surgery, but with him. Might not

464
00:20:04,040 --> 00:20:05,240
Speaker 6: usually means won't.

465
00:20:05,400 --> 00:20:10,639
Speaker 7: Dang, that's terrible. Yeah, that's really tough situation.

466
00:20:10,800 --> 00:20:15,040
Speaker 4: Yeah, double surgery. Yeah no, absolutely, like you're going through

467
00:20:15,080 --> 00:20:16,520
Speaker 4: this really scary thing.

468
00:20:16,840 --> 00:20:17,240
Speaker 1: Yeah.

469
00:20:17,280 --> 00:20:20,240
Speaker 6: He added, this wasn't about who he loved more. It

470
00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:24,640
Speaker 6: is it is, and she's like, I wasn't even thinking that, dad.

471
00:20:24,840 --> 00:20:28,560
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's not about if I love your stepmother more

472
00:20:28,600 --> 00:20:28,960
Speaker 4: than you.

473
00:20:29,160 --> 00:20:31,600
Speaker 7: I just hate your scoliosis because I do.

474
00:20:31,520 --> 00:20:34,040
Speaker 4: And I don't like you, but I also didn't want

475
00:20:34,040 --> 00:20:34,680
Speaker 4: to come anyway.

476
00:20:34,960 --> 00:20:37,320
Speaker 7: It's the I don't care that you broke your elbow.

477
00:20:37,040 --> 00:20:37,960
Speaker 4: But I don't care.

478
00:20:38,040 --> 00:20:40,480
Speaker 7: That message shattered me.

479
00:20:40,840 --> 00:20:43,280
Speaker 6: I realized that, no matter how much I hoped, he

480
00:20:43,359 --> 00:20:45,840
Speaker 6: might never give me the attention and support I needed.

481
00:20:46,480 --> 00:20:49,080
Speaker 7: I broke down on my kitchen floor that day.

482
00:20:49,320 --> 00:20:51,640
Speaker 6: After sitting with my feelings, I texted him to tell

483
00:20:51,680 --> 00:20:54,359
Speaker 6: him how deeply his actions hurt me. I said it

484
00:20:54,440 --> 00:20:58,119
Speaker 6: wasn't only about love, but about showing care, and that

485
00:20:58,160 --> 00:21:00,520
Speaker 6: he'd given me hope, only to let me down again.

486
00:21:00,600 --> 00:21:04,000
Speaker 6: I questioned if his fiance surgery had really been scheduled

487
00:21:04,119 --> 00:21:07,439
Speaker 6: last minute, or if he had known earlier but hadn't

488
00:21:07,520 --> 00:21:09,720
Speaker 6: told me. I asked him to show he was my

489
00:21:09,880 --> 00:21:13,959
Speaker 6: dad through his actions, not just his words. He responded,

490
00:21:14,080 --> 00:21:17,800
Speaker 6: insisting the surgery was only scheduled the day he'd told me,

491
00:21:17,960 --> 00:21:20,439
Speaker 6: but because he's allied in the past, to save face,

492
00:21:20,520 --> 00:21:22,719
Speaker 6: I reached out to someone who might know the truth.

493
00:21:22,840 --> 00:21:26,480
Speaker 6: I then sent a follow up message clarifying that my

494
00:21:26,560 --> 00:21:30,840
Speaker 6: frustration wasn't with his fiance, it was with his ongoing

495
00:21:30,880 --> 00:21:32,680
Speaker 6: absence and lack of support.

496
00:21:32,880 --> 00:21:34,119
Speaker 7: I said that even.

497
00:21:34,040 --> 00:21:36,920
Speaker 6: If his reasons were genuine, he could have at least

498
00:21:37,000 --> 00:21:39,679
Speaker 6: shown some empathy. I told him I'd hoped he'd be

499
00:21:39,920 --> 00:21:42,400
Speaker 6: a better father for my half sister than he's been

500
00:21:42,480 --> 00:21:42,760
Speaker 6: for me.

501
00:21:43,080 --> 00:21:44,640
Speaker 7: In my final message, I.

502
00:21:44,640 --> 00:21:47,200
Speaker 6: Made it clear that I was done putting in all

503
00:21:47,240 --> 00:21:50,000
Speaker 6: the effort to maintain our relationship on my own. I

504
00:21:50,040 --> 00:21:52,040
Speaker 6: told him that if he wanted to be my dad,

505
00:21:52,200 --> 00:21:55,320
Speaker 6: I would gladly be his daughter, but if he had

506
00:21:55,320 --> 00:21:58,280
Speaker 6: to choose not to, I would be fine with that too.

507
00:21:58,520 --> 00:22:02,040
Speaker 6: He hasn't responded, and honestly, I'd prefer he sit with

508
00:22:02,080 --> 00:22:04,800
Speaker 6: what I've said for once. I hope he really thinks

509
00:22:04,840 --> 00:22:07,399
Speaker 6: about his actions and the impact they've had on me.

510
00:22:07,600 --> 00:22:09,000
Speaker 7: Am I the a hole at all?

511
00:22:09,359 --> 00:22:10,440
Speaker 4: No, not at all.

512
00:22:10,560 --> 00:22:12,760
Speaker 6: He's told you for a while now that he can

513
00:22:12,800 --> 00:22:13,840
Speaker 6: be there and he's just dipping.

514
00:22:14,040 --> 00:22:16,720
Speaker 4: He's just dipping every time, every time, Like, what has

515
00:22:16,760 --> 00:22:19,520
Speaker 4: he been there for at that point? Yeah? Oh, just

516
00:22:19,560 --> 00:22:23,480
Speaker 4: at that point you have to let him fix the relationship. Yeah,

517
00:22:23,480 --> 00:22:25,680
Speaker 4: I don't think. Yeah, I don't think anything's on you

518
00:22:25,840 --> 00:22:26,120
Speaker 4: to do.

519
00:22:26,600 --> 00:22:28,920
Speaker 6: I hope you can find someone else for your surgery,

520
00:22:28,960 --> 00:22:30,240
Speaker 6: though that worries me.

521
00:22:30,440 --> 00:22:32,000
Speaker 7: You have some comments comment.

522
00:22:31,760 --> 00:22:34,920
Speaker 6: Are one, girl, your father hasn't shown up for you your

523
00:22:34,920 --> 00:22:37,680
Speaker 6: entire life. What makes you think he's gonna do it now?

524
00:22:38,000 --> 00:22:40,760
Speaker 6: And furthermore, why do you allow him to have that

525
00:22:40,840 --> 00:22:43,520
Speaker 6: power over you. He is not your father. He is

526
00:22:43,640 --> 00:22:47,080
Speaker 6: the male who impregnated your mother. Stop elevating him to

527
00:22:47,160 --> 00:22:50,040
Speaker 6: father status. This man is going to support the person

528
00:22:50,119 --> 00:22:52,760
Speaker 6: who he is making his life with, not the child

529
00:22:52,800 --> 00:22:54,480
Speaker 6: he walked away from years ago.

530
00:22:55,119 --> 00:22:56,640
Speaker 7: He doesn't prioritize you, and.

531
00:22:56,560 --> 00:23:00,119
Speaker 6: He never will, no matter what words he uses or

532
00:23:00,320 --> 00:23:03,080
Speaker 6: promises that he makes good luck with your surgery and

533
00:23:03,160 --> 00:23:04,520
Speaker 6: focus on your recovery.

534
00:23:04,640 --> 00:23:08,240
Speaker 7: A little bit of tough That was rough, But I

535
00:23:08,400 --> 00:23:09,680
Speaker 7: don't I don't.

536
00:23:09,640 --> 00:23:12,160
Speaker 4: Agree a little bit of tough love perhaps, ye, well,

537
00:23:12,160 --> 00:23:13,400
Speaker 4: maybe too tough. Update.

538
00:23:13,640 --> 00:23:16,080
Speaker 6: I've been dragging my feet on an update but here

539
00:23:16,119 --> 00:23:17,240
Speaker 6: it is surgery.

540
00:23:17,320 --> 00:23:18,720
Speaker 7: Recovery has been great.

541
00:23:18,880 --> 00:23:19,320
Speaker 4: Yay.

542
00:23:19,600 --> 00:23:22,280
Speaker 6: I've been in therapy since twelve, so my therapist knows

543
00:23:22,400 --> 00:23:24,919
Speaker 6: everything about my dad. Can I just say it's weird

544
00:23:25,000 --> 00:23:27,840
Speaker 6: seeing my story post it on other apps with subway

545
00:23:27,920 --> 00:23:29,080
Speaker 6: surfers and woodwork.

546
00:23:29,119 --> 00:23:31,080
Speaker 1: You don't worry, No, we don't do that here.

547
00:23:31,240 --> 00:23:34,920
Speaker 6: Here love that people think my dad is a baby

548
00:23:35,000 --> 00:23:38,800
Speaker 6: juice donor and not a dad across all platforms. Senior

549
00:23:38,920 --> 00:23:41,879
Speaker 6: night is on Valentine's Day, which I've told him weeks

550
00:23:41,880 --> 00:23:44,800
Speaker 6: in advance, saying, Gabe start at seven usually, but I

551
00:23:44,840 --> 00:23:47,359
Speaker 6: would get to the school thirty minutes early since we

552
00:23:47,359 --> 00:23:50,080
Speaker 6: would probably do it before the game. I texted his mom,

553
00:23:50,280 --> 00:23:52,359
Speaker 6: Me Mo, to ask him if he was going, and

554
00:23:52,400 --> 00:23:55,119
Speaker 6: he texted her, oh, I never got a date. She

555
00:23:55,160 --> 00:23:59,720
Speaker 6: doesn't tell me anything, b us. I told her, I'll

556
00:23:59,760 --> 00:24:02,800
Speaker 6: go no contact if he doesn't go, and I will

557
00:24:02,800 --> 00:24:04,399
Speaker 6: go low contact.

558
00:24:03,840 --> 00:24:04,720
Speaker 7: If he does go.

559
00:24:05,480 --> 00:24:08,359
Speaker 6: If he wants to know, he can effing ask and

560
00:24:08,480 --> 00:24:10,480
Speaker 6: write it on his calendar. I told my mom to

561
00:24:10,520 --> 00:24:13,400
Speaker 6: stop saying neutral and tell me why he acts like this.

562
00:24:13,920 --> 00:24:17,160
Speaker 6: The relationship is almost ruined, so there is no point

563
00:24:17,200 --> 00:24:19,680
Speaker 6: in her trying to save it. He likes to play victim,

564
00:24:19,920 --> 00:24:22,080
Speaker 6: try to make it sound like my mom doesn't want

565
00:24:22,160 --> 00:24:25,080
Speaker 6: him around and uses it as an excuse to make

566
00:24:25,119 --> 00:24:28,040
Speaker 6: himself look like a good guy. I've seen text messages

567
00:24:28,080 --> 00:24:30,280
Speaker 6: from when I was younger of my mom trying to

568
00:24:30,320 --> 00:24:32,480
Speaker 6: get my dad to make an effort. I showed her

569
00:24:32,480 --> 00:24:34,680
Speaker 6: the first post, so I'll send her this one too.

570
00:24:34,960 --> 00:24:35,440
Speaker 4: Hi, Mom.

571
00:24:35,560 --> 00:24:38,600
Speaker 6: The kindlehead screenshots of some convos I love you. I

572
00:24:38,600 --> 00:24:40,320
Speaker 6: saw them in August when I found it, so I

573
00:24:40,359 --> 00:24:42,480
Speaker 6: knew for a while I see my mom in a

574
00:24:42,560 --> 00:24:45,119
Speaker 6: new light. Now she will be walking me down the

575
00:24:45,160 --> 00:24:49,119
Speaker 6: aisle and my first dance. She sacrificed so much of

576
00:24:49,160 --> 00:24:49,840
Speaker 6: herself for me.

577
00:24:50,240 --> 00:24:52,600
Speaker 7: She is not only my mom, but my dad.

578
00:24:53,119 --> 00:24:56,359
Speaker 6: For non Americans, Senior Night is usually involved seniors and

579
00:24:56,440 --> 00:24:59,200
Speaker 6: chosen people to walk them across the floor. My dad

580
00:24:59,240 --> 00:25:01,520
Speaker 6: walked me down for my fall Senior Night, but he

581
00:25:01,600 --> 00:25:03,760
Speaker 6: will not be one of my people this Friday. I

582
00:25:03,800 --> 00:25:06,679
Speaker 6: am desperate to keep contact with my sister. I know

583
00:25:06,800 --> 00:25:09,680
Speaker 6: Mema will help with that. There's just a little bit more.

584
00:25:09,920 --> 00:25:12,840
Speaker 4: I just think that it's it's good that you're realizing,

585
00:25:12,920 --> 00:25:14,440
Speaker 4: you know, your mom is the one who's been there

586
00:25:14,480 --> 00:25:16,760
Speaker 4: for you, and this person in your life has not

587
00:25:16,880 --> 00:25:19,520
Speaker 4: been yeah, which is a hard, hard realization. I think

588
00:25:19,520 --> 00:25:21,679
Speaker 4: it will benefit you in the long run that you

589
00:25:21,720 --> 00:25:22,359
Speaker 4: have realized it.

590
00:25:22,840 --> 00:25:25,440
Speaker 6: I would agree to the low or no contact will

591
00:25:25,480 --> 00:25:27,520
Speaker 6: be very helpful to you.

592
00:25:27,920 --> 00:25:29,440
Speaker 7: Friday came and passed.

593
00:25:29,760 --> 00:25:33,080
Speaker 6: My dad got mad when he realized I didn't want

594
00:25:33,160 --> 00:25:36,159
Speaker 6: him to walk me across the gym floor. He along

595
00:25:36,200 --> 00:25:39,680
Speaker 6: with Mema and my sister left during halftime. We did

596
00:25:39,680 --> 00:25:42,480
Speaker 6: the walk before the varsity game and the pep Rally

597
00:25:42,520 --> 00:25:46,280
Speaker 6: band can't leave the stands until third same as marching band.

598
00:25:46,600 --> 00:25:49,560
Speaker 6: Plus Mema has been to previous basketball games along with

599
00:25:49,640 --> 00:25:53,120
Speaker 6: football game. I left ad a long voicemail message Friday

600
00:25:53,119 --> 00:25:56,600
Speaker 6: for leaving, especially since my sister begged to see me

601
00:25:57,040 --> 00:26:00,000
Speaker 6: and he refused her. I told Mema I was disappoint

602
00:26:00,000 --> 00:26:03,880
Speaker 6: pointed that she left when she knew what happens at games. Monday,

603
00:26:04,000 --> 00:26:08,320
Speaker 6: I finally sent him boundaries and blocked him. I know

604
00:26:08,400 --> 00:26:10,480
Speaker 6: I'm going to cry later. This is going to be

605
00:26:10,560 --> 00:26:13,240
Speaker 6: hard for me. Thanks for your support. It means a

606
00:26:13,280 --> 00:26:15,399
Speaker 6: lot to me throughout this journey. And that is the

607
00:26:15,520 --> 00:26:16,280
Speaker 6: end of that story.

608
00:26:16,320 --> 00:26:20,399
Speaker 4: There you go, well will will will will good for you?

609
00:26:20,480 --> 00:26:24,440
Speaker 7: OPI you cry it out. Yeah, sometimes the little cries

610
00:26:24,560 --> 00:26:25,680
Speaker 7: needed be with your mom.

611
00:26:26,119 --> 00:26:28,440
Speaker 6: Yeah. And that's the end of this story. We're gonna

612
00:26:28,480 --> 00:26:29,440
Speaker 6: go to the next one.

613
00:26:30,240 --> 00:26:33,720
Speaker 4: I refuse to attend my sister's wedding because she's marrying

614
00:26:33,760 --> 00:26:34,280
Speaker 4: my ex.

615
00:26:34,520 --> 00:26:35,919
Speaker 7: That sounds really messy.

616
00:26:36,480 --> 00:26:40,000
Speaker 4: I mail twenty seven have a twin sister, female twenty seven.

617
00:26:40,040 --> 00:26:42,480
Speaker 4: For as long as I can remember, my sister and

618
00:26:42,520 --> 00:26:45,560
Speaker 4: I have always been close and had each other's backs.

619
00:26:45,760 --> 00:26:48,840
Speaker 4: When she came out as attracted to the same gender,

620
00:26:49,000 --> 00:26:52,160
Speaker 4: I was the first one she told. I supported her wholeheartedly.

621
00:26:52,280 --> 00:26:54,919
Speaker 4: By the way, this comes from Slow Hovercraft forty eight

622
00:26:55,000 --> 00:26:56,760
Speaker 4: sixty and if you want to submit your own stories,

623
00:26:56,760 --> 00:26:58,720
Speaker 4: go to the r slash Okay storytime, supured it.

624
00:26:58,880 --> 00:27:02,120
Speaker 7: I'm Sophia, I'm Carly, I'm ke On, and we're here

625
00:27:02,119 --> 00:27:02,760
Speaker 7: to give good advice.

626
00:27:02,840 --> 00:27:04,840
Speaker 4: Goofully. But we don't have all the answers. We only

627
00:27:04,840 --> 00:27:06,359
Speaker 4: know what we'd do, So let us know what you

628
00:27:06,359 --> 00:27:08,800
Speaker 4: would do in the comments. Three years ago, I was

629
00:27:08,880 --> 00:27:11,639
Speaker 4: engaged to my then girlfriend, Julie. We had met in

630
00:27:11,720 --> 00:27:15,320
Speaker 4: college and became fast friends, eventually becoming a couple. I

631
00:27:15,440 --> 00:27:18,720
Speaker 4: proposed to Julie and she said yes. Everything seemed fine

632
00:27:18,880 --> 00:27:21,199
Speaker 4: until I noticed that Julie had started to be a

633
00:27:21,240 --> 00:27:24,080
Speaker 4: little more distant with me, not giving me a cold

634
00:27:24,119 --> 00:27:27,040
Speaker 4: shoulder or anything, but off I asked her if she

635
00:27:27,119 --> 00:27:29,040
Speaker 4: was okay. She said she was fine, but would like

636
00:27:29,119 --> 00:27:31,119
Speaker 4: some space for a while. I was worried, but I

637
00:27:31,160 --> 00:27:34,000
Speaker 4: respected her wishes and gave her space. A few weeks later,

638
00:27:34,080 --> 00:27:38,800
Speaker 4: she broke up with me. I was devastated and didn't

639
00:27:38,840 --> 00:27:41,840
Speaker 4: know what happened. I reached out to my sister for support,

640
00:27:41,880 --> 00:27:43,880
Speaker 4: and she was there for me. She and Julie had

641
00:27:43,880 --> 00:27:46,439
Speaker 4: gotten along really well, so I asked her if she

642
00:27:46,480 --> 00:27:51,000
Speaker 4: knew what happened. She was hesitant but said yes. I

643
00:27:51,040 --> 00:27:53,080
Speaker 4: asked her to explain, and she said it wasn't her

644
00:27:53,080 --> 00:27:55,399
Speaker 4: place to tell me. I kept pushing, but my sister

645
00:27:55,440 --> 00:27:57,760
Speaker 4: stood her ground and said that she couldn't say why,

646
00:27:58,160 --> 00:27:59,760
Speaker 4: and Julie would tell me when.

647
00:27:59,680 --> 00:28:00,760
Speaker 7: And if she was ready.

648
00:28:00,920 --> 00:28:03,959
Speaker 4: Well she did. It turns out Julie was by but

649
00:28:03,960 --> 00:28:07,199
Speaker 4: thought it was just passing feelings. She'd never been with

650
00:28:07,240 --> 00:28:09,480
Speaker 4: a girl before. She spoke to my sister about it,

651
00:28:09,520 --> 00:28:13,600
Speaker 4: and my sister helped her realize her true identity and feelings.

652
00:28:13,640 --> 00:28:16,480
Speaker 4: Her words, Julie told me that it wouldn't be fair

653
00:28:16,520 --> 00:28:18,600
Speaker 4: to either of us if she didn't embrace her true

654
00:28:18,640 --> 00:28:20,560
Speaker 4: self and the fact that she no longer had the

655
00:28:20,560 --> 00:28:23,600
Speaker 4: same feelings for me she had before. I was stunned,

656
00:28:23,760 --> 00:28:27,119
Speaker 4: but eventually accepted it. We parted on good terms, even

657
00:28:27,160 --> 00:28:30,439
Speaker 4: if it was awkward. I was heartbroken, but eventually moved on.

658
00:28:30,840 --> 00:28:33,160
Speaker 4: I didn't start dating or want to for a while.

659
00:28:33,280 --> 00:28:37,320
Speaker 4: Then one day I found out Juliet started dating another girl.

660
00:28:37,280 --> 00:28:38,880
Speaker 7: Done my sister.

661
00:28:40,440 --> 00:28:44,040
Speaker 4: I was shocked and admittedly a bit angry at both

662
00:28:44,080 --> 00:28:46,240
Speaker 4: of them. I had an argument with my sister. She

663
00:28:46,360 --> 00:28:48,600
Speaker 4: swore they didn't do anything while she was with me,

664
00:28:48,760 --> 00:28:52,000
Speaker 4: but Juliet admitted she had a crush on my sister.

665
00:28:52,360 --> 00:28:55,680
Speaker 4: My sister liked her back, but didn't do anything because

666
00:28:55,720 --> 00:28:58,400
Speaker 4: of me. She swore she didn't make Julie dump me

667
00:28:58,480 --> 00:29:00,960
Speaker 4: to be with her. The sad part, I could tell

668
00:29:01,040 --> 00:29:04,120
Speaker 4: she was telling the truth. After that, my relationship with

669
00:29:04,160 --> 00:29:06,160
Speaker 4: my sister wasn't as great as it used to be.

670
00:29:06,400 --> 00:29:09,640
Speaker 4: I stop talking to her as much or visiting. Fast

671
00:29:09,680 --> 00:29:12,200
Speaker 4: forward to a few weeks ago, my sister comes over

672
00:29:12,280 --> 00:29:15,680
Speaker 4: alone and tells me that she and Julie are engaged

673
00:29:16,160 --> 00:29:18,400
Speaker 4: and she was here to invite me to the wedding.

674
00:29:18,440 --> 00:29:20,720
Speaker 4: The rest of the conversation was a blur, but after

675
00:29:20,800 --> 00:29:23,840
Speaker 4: she left, I drank a lot. After thinking about it

676
00:29:23,880 --> 00:29:26,560
Speaker 4: for a few days, I told my sister I wouldn't

677
00:29:26,600 --> 00:29:29,600
Speaker 4: be attending her wedding. She was heartbroken and begged me

678
00:29:29,640 --> 00:29:32,560
Speaker 4: to come because she wanted me there. Even my mom

679
00:29:32,680 --> 00:29:36,080
Speaker 4: called me asking me to come. I told her no. Regardless,

680
00:29:36,160 --> 00:29:39,600
Speaker 4: I refuse to go. I just can't stand having to

681
00:29:39,640 --> 00:29:42,000
Speaker 4: be there in the crowd and see my sister Mary,

682
00:29:42,040 --> 00:29:44,560
Speaker 4: the woman I had planned to marry. I don't know,

683
00:29:44,680 --> 00:29:47,040
Speaker 4: maybe I'm just holding a grudge. Am I the ale?

684
00:29:47,120 --> 00:29:49,360
Speaker 4: And there is an edit and an update? But what

685
00:29:49,440 --> 00:29:49,960
Speaker 4: do you think?

686
00:29:50,120 --> 00:29:52,520
Speaker 6: I don't think you gotta go to this wedding.

687
00:29:52,680 --> 00:29:56,160
Speaker 7: I think that's really weird that they're all like, you really.

688
00:29:55,880 --> 00:30:00,160
Speaker 4: Have she's marrying my egg? Yeah, like this is a again,

689
00:30:00,240 --> 00:30:01,920
Speaker 4: you literally just said this is a person I thought

690
00:30:01,920 --> 00:30:04,720
Speaker 4: I was going to marry. Right, You're basically.

691
00:30:04,280 --> 00:30:07,080
Speaker 6: Going and watching what you thought your wedding would be.

692
00:30:07,160 --> 00:30:08,960
Speaker 4: You're not holding a grudge, You're healing.

693
00:30:09,120 --> 00:30:11,080
Speaker 6: This is a weird thing for your sister to do.

694
00:30:11,240 --> 00:30:11,680
Speaker 4: So weird.

695
00:30:12,040 --> 00:30:12,240
Speaker 6: Edit.

696
00:30:12,720 --> 00:30:15,600
Speaker 4: Thank you everyone for your responses, even if I didn't

697
00:30:15,640 --> 00:30:17,840
Speaker 4: respond to all of them. I have read all of them.

698
00:30:18,000 --> 00:30:20,840
Speaker 4: I've decided not to attend the wedding. Well, pardon me

699
00:30:20,960 --> 00:30:22,800
Speaker 4: is still hurt. The truth of the matter is that

700
00:30:22,840 --> 00:30:24,840
Speaker 4: my sister was more than just a twin. He was

701
00:30:24,920 --> 00:30:27,880
Speaker 4: my best friend since birth. Right now, I can't bring

702
00:30:27,920 --> 00:30:30,640
Speaker 4: myself to cut her off completely. For now, I'm going

703
00:30:30,640 --> 00:30:32,960
Speaker 4: low contact and I'll be looking at taking a trip

704
00:30:33,000 --> 00:30:35,360
Speaker 4: to Vancouver during the time of the wedding. And there

705
00:30:35,400 --> 00:30:39,720
Speaker 4: is an update two months later. Everyone. The wedding was

706
00:30:39,800 --> 00:30:42,120
Speaker 4: last weekend, and as I said in an edit, I

707
00:30:42,160 --> 00:30:45,320
Speaker 4: took a trip to Vancouver. I disconnected from everyone and

708
00:30:45,480 --> 00:30:48,600
Speaker 4: just enjoyed the beautiful Canadian city. Before going, I called

709
00:30:48,600 --> 00:30:50,760
Speaker 4: my sister and told her that I wasn't coming. I

710
00:30:50,800 --> 00:30:53,360
Speaker 4: figured I owed my twin that much. She was upset,

711
00:30:53,440 --> 00:30:56,480
Speaker 4: but surprisingly agreed with my decision. I told my parents

712
00:30:56,560 --> 00:30:59,120
Speaker 4: and they said they understood. I left last Friday and

713
00:30:59,240 --> 00:31:02,160
Speaker 4: came back Monday. From what I heard, many people asked

714
00:31:02,160 --> 00:31:04,400
Speaker 4: about me, but the wedding went off without a hitch.

715
00:31:04,560 --> 00:31:07,320
Speaker 4: While I was there, I decided that despite everything, I

716
00:31:07,360 --> 00:31:10,040
Speaker 4: loved my sister and still wanted a relationship with her.

717
00:31:10,160 --> 00:31:12,600
Speaker 4: When I came home on Monday, I drove straight to

718
00:31:12,680 --> 00:31:15,880
Speaker 4: her place. Luckily, my ex was asleep and they weren't

719
00:31:15,960 --> 00:31:18,920
Speaker 4: leaving further honeymoon until Tuesday. I took my sister to

720
00:31:18,960 --> 00:31:21,560
Speaker 4: a local cafe we loved as kids and talked. I

721
00:31:21,600 --> 00:31:24,240
Speaker 4: explained my feelings and even showed her the post I

722
00:31:24,280 --> 00:31:28,240
Speaker 4: made and all your comments. She started crying and apologizing

723
00:31:28,280 --> 00:31:30,920
Speaker 4: for hurting me and being an awful twin. She asked

724
00:31:30,920 --> 00:31:33,120
Speaker 4: me if I was planning to go no contact with her.

725
00:31:33,240 --> 00:31:35,320
Speaker 4: I told her no, and I didn't expect her to

726
00:31:35,400 --> 00:31:37,760
Speaker 4: leave her now wife for my sake, but I also

727
00:31:37,800 --> 00:31:40,239
Speaker 4: told her not to expect me around as much at

728
00:31:40,320 --> 00:31:40,880
Speaker 4: least for now.

729
00:31:41,080 --> 00:31:42,240
Speaker 7: Holidays are gonna be weird.

730
00:31:42,640 --> 00:31:44,360
Speaker 6: What is are going to be really weird a little bit,

731
00:31:44,760 --> 00:31:46,800
Speaker 6: And I do think after a while it's gonna get

732
00:31:46,840 --> 00:31:48,720
Speaker 6: easier and it's going to be more normal. But I

733
00:31:49,360 --> 00:31:53,640
Speaker 6: also think that it will forever be slightly off still

734
00:31:54,120 --> 00:31:56,200
Speaker 6: because that will always still be there and you're never

735
00:31:56,240 --> 00:31:56,520
Speaker 6: going to.

736
00:31:56,520 --> 00:31:58,280
Speaker 4: Be like fully, I feel like it's going to be

737
00:31:58,360 --> 00:32:01,880
Speaker 4: really hard to be fully comfortable around your ex. Yeah, oh,

738
00:32:01,960 --> 00:32:04,200
Speaker 4: the weird conversation for them to have at the wedding.

739
00:32:04,240 --> 00:32:08,080
Speaker 4: I'm sure, like, don't date your twins' exes. Yeah, it's

740
00:32:08,200 --> 00:32:10,480
Speaker 4: just a whole lot of stuff that happened, and I,

741
00:32:10,600 --> 00:32:12,880
Speaker 4: you know, props to Ope for being mature about it.

742
00:32:12,960 --> 00:32:16,960
Speaker 4: And then also, yeah, another level of maturity in that

743
00:32:17,160 --> 00:32:19,320
Speaker 4: he was willing to talk to his sister and explain

744
00:32:19,360 --> 00:32:19,800
Speaker 4: his feelings.

745
00:32:19,920 --> 00:32:20,040
Speaker 6: Yea.

746
00:32:20,000 --> 00:32:22,480
Speaker 7: And then she was, you know, apologetic, way more understanding.

747
00:32:22,520 --> 00:32:25,640
Speaker 4: Yeah, sure, absolutely, I'm going to start counseling, as many

748
00:32:25,680 --> 00:32:28,200
Speaker 4: of you suggested. I told her this, and she started

749
00:32:28,240 --> 00:32:31,600
Speaker 4: apologizing again, saying she never meant to push me this far,

750
00:32:31,640 --> 00:32:33,480
Speaker 4: and she would have left my ex a long time

751
00:32:33,520 --> 00:32:35,280
Speaker 4: ago if I told her how much it bothered me.

752
00:32:35,440 --> 00:32:37,800
Speaker 4: She assumed, since I didn't, that I was okay with it.

753
00:32:37,840 --> 00:32:40,040
Speaker 4: I told her straight up that love works in some

754
00:32:40,080 --> 00:32:42,520
Speaker 4: odd ways, and while I understand she fell in love,

755
00:32:42,880 --> 00:32:44,960
Speaker 4: I couldn't have the same relationship with her. I used

756
00:32:44,960 --> 00:32:47,200
Speaker 4: to that we'd have to work on it. We ended

757
00:32:47,240 --> 00:32:50,480
Speaker 4: the conversation on a tense but also optimistic note. When

758
00:32:50,480 --> 00:32:52,360
Speaker 4: I dropped her home, she wrapped me in a hug

759
00:32:52,440 --> 00:32:55,640
Speaker 4: and held me for a long time, and she broke apart,

760
00:32:56,040 --> 00:32:59,040
Speaker 4: gave me a sad smile, and went inside. She left

761
00:32:59,040 --> 00:33:01,160
Speaker 4: for her honey moon on too, and I started my

762
00:33:01,200 --> 00:33:04,480
Speaker 4: counseling on Thursday, which I felt went well, and that

763
00:33:04,800 --> 00:33:09,960
Speaker 4: is the end of the story. But yeah, that's really rough.

764
00:33:10,240 --> 00:33:13,480
Speaker 7: That is rough. This is why glad they had it

765
00:33:13,520 --> 00:33:13,880
Speaker 7: out there.

766
00:33:13,960 --> 00:33:15,840
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean too, but this is why Summer I

767
00:33:15,880 --> 00:33:17,520
Speaker 4: Turned Pretty is just a TV show.

768
00:33:17,680 --> 00:33:18,360
Speaker 1: We don't do it sure?

769
00:33:18,400 --> 00:33:20,400
Speaker 7: Or is it a reality Maybe this is what it

770
00:33:20,480 --> 00:33:21,000
Speaker 7: was based on.

771
00:33:21,240 --> 00:33:23,960
Speaker 4: Maybe it's it was this, they just made it straight.

772
00:33:24,400 --> 00:33:27,080
Speaker 4: My advice after reading this story is don't date your

773
00:33:27,120 --> 00:33:28,200
Speaker 4: siblings exes.

774
00:33:28,360 --> 00:33:30,120
Speaker 6: And that's the end of this story. We're gonna go

775
00:33:30,120 --> 00:33:30,840
Speaker 6: to the next one.

776
00:33:32,000 --> 00:33:35,720
Speaker 7: Hey, it's Angie, your favorite Riley's girlfriend is here.

777
00:33:35,800 --> 00:33:37,280
Speaker 4: We're going to get back to the stories.

778
00:33:37,280 --> 00:33:39,560
Speaker 7: But here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

779
00:33:40,560 --> 00:33:44,560
Speaker 3: My son discovered our open marriage arrangement and he's been

780
00:33:44,600 --> 00:33:45,680
Speaker 3: different ever since.

781
00:33:46,040 --> 00:33:47,560
Speaker 1: I would be two, So.

782
00:33:47,720 --> 00:33:51,200
Speaker 3: For context, we've been open for three years. My husband

783
00:33:51,200 --> 00:33:53,480
Speaker 3: and I are very happy, and we have been careful

784
00:33:53,520 --> 00:33:57,000
Speaker 3: not to fall into the traps of breaking rules or boundaries.

785
00:33:57,400 --> 00:33:59,800
Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from user parents who need advice.

786
00:34:00,160 --> 00:34:03,720
Speaker 3: End user throwaway two four three seven two eight three

787
00:34:03,880 --> 00:34:06,680
Speaker 3: two three seven And if you want to submit your

788
00:34:06,720 --> 00:34:09,719
Speaker 3: own stories, go to the r Slashway storytime, subur I'm Dakota.

789
00:34:09,480 --> 00:34:12,359
Speaker 1: And I'm Savanav and we are here to give you

790
00:34:12,600 --> 00:34:15,080
Speaker 1: good advice goofly, but we don't really, we don't know

791
00:34:15,120 --> 00:34:17,239
Speaker 1: all the answers, okay, so just let us know what

792
00:34:17,239 --> 00:34:18,680
Speaker 1: you would do in the comments. We're gonna let you

793
00:34:18,719 --> 00:34:19,760
Speaker 1: know what we would do right now.

794
00:34:20,040 --> 00:34:23,960
Speaker 3: And Op says, as a couple, we are doing fine.

795
00:34:24,520 --> 00:34:27,040
Speaker 3: He has met some wonderful people, and so have I

796
00:34:27,200 --> 00:34:30,640
Speaker 3: who have become close friends to us. We have been

797
00:34:30,840 --> 00:34:34,399
Speaker 3: very lucky since we have avoided any bad actors so far.

798
00:34:34,719 --> 00:34:37,720
Speaker 3: At least two months ago, my son told my husband

799
00:34:37,719 --> 00:34:40,560
Speaker 3: that he apparently believed I was cheating on him. I'm

800
00:34:40,600 --> 00:34:43,000
Speaker 3: guessing he must have found out about one of my partners.

801
00:34:43,480 --> 00:34:45,719
Speaker 3: My husband told me, and we decided to talk to

802
00:34:45,800 --> 00:34:47,879
Speaker 3: him and reassure him that we as a couple were

803
00:34:47,880 --> 00:34:50,960
Speaker 3: doing fine, that we loved him and nothing was going

804
00:34:51,000 --> 00:34:55,000
Speaker 3: to change. He seemed very anxious to have that conversation end,

805
00:34:55,440 --> 00:34:58,080
Speaker 3: and I don't blame him, since it was awkward even

806
00:34:58,160 --> 00:34:59,239
Speaker 3: for us to have.

807
00:34:59,200 --> 00:35:01,600
Speaker 1: To explain, yeah, of course the talk word.

808
00:35:01,760 --> 00:35:03,680
Speaker 4: Yeah, how do you even have that conversation?

809
00:35:04,040 --> 00:35:06,000
Speaker 2: And plus, are you like trying to keep it from

810
00:35:06,000 --> 00:35:07,680
Speaker 2: like your son. I feel like, you know, he doesn't

811
00:35:07,719 --> 00:35:10,359
Speaker 2: really need to know if you know, but obviously if

812
00:35:10,400 --> 00:35:11,680
Speaker 2: you're not careful about it.

813
00:35:11,920 --> 00:35:14,320
Speaker 3: I thought the conversation went as well as it could

814
00:35:14,360 --> 00:35:17,160
Speaker 3: with a teenage boy because he seemed calm, just said

815
00:35:17,239 --> 00:35:20,319
Speaker 3: okay and never brought it up again. Yeah, I'm sure

816
00:35:20,320 --> 00:35:22,799
Speaker 3: you put that in a box and buried it under

817
00:35:22,840 --> 00:35:27,080
Speaker 3: his bed and tried his hardest to forget it. Last week,

818
00:35:27,400 --> 00:35:29,840
Speaker 3: one of my partners stopped by because I needed to

819
00:35:29,920 --> 00:35:31,960
Speaker 3: borrow something, and he stopped by.

820
00:35:31,880 --> 00:35:33,920
Speaker 1: Again last Saturday to deliver it.

821
00:35:34,360 --> 00:35:36,480
Speaker 3: My son was at home and my partner greeted him

822
00:35:36,480 --> 00:35:39,040
Speaker 3: as he always does. They both enjoy music and if

823
00:35:39,040 --> 00:35:41,960
Speaker 3: pretty much the same taste. My partner asked him about

824
00:35:41,960 --> 00:35:46,000
Speaker 3: a band that was supposed to be playing. My son responded, yeah.

825
00:35:45,960 --> 00:35:47,920
Speaker 1: I don't care. I know why you're really here, so

826
00:35:48,080 --> 00:35:51,440
Speaker 1: don't talk to me, and then walked out. That's fire,

827
00:35:52,200 --> 00:35:55,360
Speaker 1: that's honestly baller. Yeah, I don't know, I don't care, go,

828
00:35:55,440 --> 00:35:57,600
Speaker 1: I don't know. You're just here. Crack my mom, it's okay.

829
00:35:57,800 --> 00:35:59,960
Speaker 3: I had told my partner that we had in four

830
00:36:00,200 --> 00:36:03,240
Speaker 3: our son about our lifestyle, but not with whom of course,

831
00:36:03,320 --> 00:36:05,680
Speaker 3: and I had no idea he knew who I was seeing.

832
00:36:06,200 --> 00:36:08,160
Speaker 3: He's the only one of my partners that he knows,

833
00:36:08,200 --> 00:36:10,200
Speaker 3: and we have never done anything in our house.

834
00:36:10,680 --> 00:36:12,960
Speaker 1: We have no idea how my son came to find out.

835
00:36:13,400 --> 00:36:15,920
Speaker 3: He blocks my partner on Facebook and hardly speaks that

836
00:36:16,000 --> 00:36:19,240
Speaker 3: much to me or my husband anymore. He now views

837
00:36:19,320 --> 00:36:22,480
Speaker 3: everyone with suspicion, including my husband's best friend, who has

838
00:36:22,520 --> 00:36:25,600
Speaker 3: no idea we are non monogamous. He is, of course

839
00:36:25,640 --> 00:36:28,000
Speaker 3: a teenager, but he has never acted in this way

840
00:36:28,040 --> 00:36:30,120
Speaker 3: before and refuses to talk to anybody.

841
00:36:30,600 --> 00:36:32,440
Speaker 1: We have put our lifestyle on hold and.

842
00:36:32,400 --> 00:36:35,279
Speaker 3: Have not seen anyone since that outburst, nor do we

843
00:36:35,360 --> 00:36:38,120
Speaker 3: plan to until we find some way to resolve this.

844
00:36:38,800 --> 00:36:40,880
Speaker 3: I honestly want to ask for advice on how to

845
00:36:40,920 --> 00:36:43,520
Speaker 3: handle this and if anyone else has had to have

846
00:36:43,560 --> 00:36:46,200
Speaker 3: this difficult conversation with their sons or daughters.

847
00:36:47,120 --> 00:36:49,040
Speaker 1: And there are some relevant comments.

848
00:36:49,760 --> 00:36:52,000
Speaker 3: To like center this in and not like try to

849
00:36:52,000 --> 00:36:54,200
Speaker 3: make a joke right now, Like you are in a

850
00:36:54,440 --> 00:36:58,640
Speaker 3: very hard position, and I think you have to first

851
00:36:58,719 --> 00:37:01,800
Speaker 3: get clear of your son about Hey. I can tell

852
00:37:02,680 --> 00:37:04,640
Speaker 3: you have a lot of thoughts and feelings about this,

853
00:37:05,440 --> 00:37:08,799
Speaker 3: which is very fair and not wrong, So I want

854
00:37:08,800 --> 00:37:11,040
Speaker 3: to get clear on what they are, and then we

855
00:37:11,080 --> 00:37:13,640
Speaker 3: can try to get to a place where everyone can

856
00:37:13,680 --> 00:37:17,200
Speaker 3: be comfortable in our home again, because the end of

857
00:37:17,239 --> 00:37:19,760
Speaker 3: the day, you and your partner are two consenting adults

858
00:37:20,280 --> 00:37:23,000
Speaker 3: who are married and have made this arrangement and it

859
00:37:23,040 --> 00:37:23,520
Speaker 3: works for you.

860
00:37:24,239 --> 00:37:27,320
Speaker 1: Okay. We asked how old the son is. He is fifteen.

861
00:37:27,400 --> 00:37:30,239
Speaker 3: He'll be sixteen in a few weeks actually, which he

862
00:37:30,320 --> 00:37:32,160
Speaker 3: reminded me of when he said he didn't want to

863
00:37:32,200 --> 00:37:35,319
Speaker 3: celebrate his birthday. He just seems anxious, and he now

864
00:37:35,520 --> 00:37:38,880
Speaker 3: only eats when we're done so he can eat by himself.

865
00:37:39,160 --> 00:37:41,440
Speaker 3: And we tried something stupid, and that was to say

866
00:37:41,480 --> 00:37:43,440
Speaker 3: to him that he should sit down and eat with

867
00:37:43,560 --> 00:37:46,080
Speaker 3: us and that his behavior was not acceptable. But then

868
00:37:46,080 --> 00:37:48,680
Speaker 3: he refused to eat altogether and only ate at school

869
00:37:48,719 --> 00:37:51,239
Speaker 3: and even brought food from school in his backpack and

870
00:37:51,440 --> 00:37:54,640
Speaker 3: ate in his room. Torah Ryder says, that's a pretty

871
00:37:54,640 --> 00:37:56,040
Speaker 3: extreme response, to be honest.

872
00:37:56,120 --> 00:37:56,640
Speaker 1: When I was.

873
00:37:56,640 --> 00:37:58,759
Speaker 3: About his age, I had a massive reveal in my

874
00:37:58,840 --> 00:37:59,680
Speaker 3: family as well.

875
00:38:00,080 --> 00:38:01,760
Speaker 1: It made me distrust a lot of people.

876
00:38:01,840 --> 00:38:05,000
Speaker 3: But after a bit, my grandmother basically got to the

877
00:38:05,000 --> 00:38:07,960
Speaker 3: point that she couldn't talk to me so I needed

878
00:38:07,960 --> 00:38:11,120
Speaker 3: to see someone. I resented being put in therapy for

879
00:38:11,160 --> 00:38:13,520
Speaker 3: about a month. My grandma made it clear that she

880
00:38:13,640 --> 00:38:15,719
Speaker 3: loved me and was there for me, but whatever was

881
00:38:15,760 --> 00:38:18,840
Speaker 3: happening was something she could see. I didn't want to

882
00:38:18,880 --> 00:38:21,960
Speaker 3: discuss with her, but holding in the pain and anger

883
00:38:22,000 --> 00:38:25,279
Speaker 3: and betrayal is unhealthy. My therapist eventually got me to

884
00:38:25,320 --> 00:38:27,240
Speaker 3: a point where I could have a discussion with those

885
00:38:27,800 --> 00:38:31,200
Speaker 3: who were involved in the big issue. It was hard

886
00:38:31,200 --> 00:38:34,000
Speaker 3: and awkward, but it worked. I was about thirteen at

887
00:38:34,040 --> 00:38:36,600
Speaker 3: the time, so a bit younger. Is there a parent

888
00:38:36,640 --> 00:38:39,200
Speaker 3: he's closer to? Could one of you offer to sit

889
00:38:39,239 --> 00:38:43,400
Speaker 3: with him? Just you all and present your concerns. Son,

890
00:38:43,840 --> 00:38:46,040
Speaker 3: you're parent and I are worried about you.

891
00:38:46,360 --> 00:38:48,600
Speaker 1: We know the reveal is hard and we don't expect

892
00:38:48,600 --> 00:38:51,040
Speaker 1: you to accept and love this situation, but we've been

893
00:38:51,120 --> 00:38:52,160
Speaker 1: this way for a while.

894
00:38:52,640 --> 00:38:54,359
Speaker 3: If you won't talk with us about it, is there

895
00:38:54,400 --> 00:38:56,319
Speaker 3: someone you can We are worried about you.

896
00:38:56,920 --> 00:38:57,719
Speaker 1: Something like that.

897
00:38:58,239 --> 00:39:01,200
Speaker 3: Also, it may just be a situation waited out, depending

898
00:39:01,239 --> 00:39:03,919
Speaker 3: on how long this is going to go on, hope,

899
00:39:03,920 --> 00:39:07,360
Speaker 3: he replies, He just seems dead set on keeping quiet

900
00:39:07,400 --> 00:39:10,000
Speaker 3: and refuses to engage with us, and it seems he

901
00:39:10,040 --> 00:39:13,440
Speaker 3: has decided to keep his head down. There is one adult,

902
00:39:13,520 --> 00:39:15,640
Speaker 3: but me and my husband are hoping to god he

903
00:39:15,680 --> 00:39:17,880
Speaker 3: does not share this with him, and that is my

904
00:39:17,960 --> 00:39:21,319
Speaker 3: husband's brother, who is the polar opposite of my husband.

905
00:39:21,600 --> 00:39:24,440
Speaker 3: My husband's brother is like all men in my husband's family,

906
00:39:24,840 --> 00:39:26,480
Speaker 3: military or former military.

907
00:39:26,800 --> 00:39:27,880
Speaker 1: It's a military family.

908
00:39:27,920 --> 00:39:30,520
Speaker 3: And my father in law gave my husband a lot

909
00:39:30,520 --> 00:39:32,680
Speaker 3: of grief when he was my son's age because he

910
00:39:32,800 --> 00:39:36,840
Speaker 3: broke tradition and became an academic. However, my son, my

911
00:39:36,920 --> 00:39:39,359
Speaker 3: father in law, treats like a son almost. I just

912
00:39:39,360 --> 00:39:42,520
Speaker 3: pray he doesn't mention this to them. And also we

913
00:39:42,600 --> 00:39:45,239
Speaker 3: have not told him not to tell them. He is

914
00:39:45,280 --> 00:39:48,200
Speaker 3: free to tell whomever he wants. We can't really control

915
00:39:48,200 --> 00:39:50,640
Speaker 3: it at this point. We're just waiting for my brother

916
00:39:50,680 --> 00:39:53,080
Speaker 3: in law to find out, which I suspect is just

917
00:39:53,120 --> 00:39:56,279
Speaker 3: a matter of time. How did the son find out?

918
00:39:56,480 --> 00:39:58,600
Speaker 3: Hope he says, Oh, I don't blame him for finding out,

919
00:39:58,600 --> 00:40:01,000
Speaker 3: because I think I know how. I remember he borrows

920
00:40:01,000 --> 00:40:03,480
Speaker 3: my iPad from down to time, and if I had

921
00:40:03,520 --> 00:40:06,359
Speaker 3: stupidly forgot to log out of my other account, which

922
00:40:06,400 --> 00:40:08,720
Speaker 3: I never forget, but I might have once.

923
00:40:09,640 --> 00:40:12,440
Speaker 1: I don't even want to think about what he saw.

924
00:40:13,520 --> 00:40:18,000
Speaker 1: The horror yugs the horror I saw.

925
00:40:17,840 --> 00:40:21,480
Speaker 3: My mom op On having partners in the house, we

926
00:40:21,560 --> 00:40:23,839
Speaker 3: never have people running in and out of the house

927
00:40:23,880 --> 00:40:26,479
Speaker 3: at all. The one partner I mentioned is the only

928
00:40:26,520 --> 00:40:29,120
Speaker 3: one since my son has known him for many years

929
00:40:29,200 --> 00:40:31,879
Speaker 3: as we have done. He is the same age as

930
00:40:31,880 --> 00:40:34,120
Speaker 3: my husband, and my husband trusts him and so do I.

931
00:40:34,760 --> 00:40:37,320
Speaker 3: He's been a family friend that happens to be my partner.

932
00:40:37,880 --> 00:40:39,760
Speaker 3: He is in an open relationship as well.

933
00:40:40,200 --> 00:40:40,759
Speaker 1: His wife is.

934
00:40:40,760 --> 00:40:44,000
Speaker 3: Aware of me, and there have been no dramas between us.

935
00:40:44,640 --> 00:40:46,839
Speaker 3: He's the only one who stops spot which he does

936
00:40:46,880 --> 00:40:49,240
Speaker 3: once in a while, but never for the spote to sleep,

937
00:40:49,560 --> 00:40:52,319
Speaker 3: and certainly not on a Saturday afternoon with my son home.

938
00:40:52,760 --> 00:40:54,960
Speaker 3: We usually find a place to be together outside of

939
00:40:55,000 --> 00:40:57,480
Speaker 3: our home to precisely avoid this, and my husband does

940
00:40:57,520 --> 00:41:00,720
Speaker 3: the same with his partners. On how the sun is acting, Yeah,

941
00:41:00,800 --> 00:41:04,320
Speaker 3: he is not really rude either. That one comment towards

942
00:41:04,320 --> 00:41:07,080
Speaker 3: my partner is really the only real comment that he

943
00:41:07,120 --> 00:41:10,120
Speaker 3: has made. He's not rude. He just doesn't want to

944
00:41:10,160 --> 00:41:13,279
Speaker 3: talk to us about anything anymore. I tried carefully to

945
00:41:13,320 --> 00:41:15,800
Speaker 3: ask him how his day was, and he just said, fine,

946
00:41:15,920 --> 00:41:18,640
Speaker 3: and those are the answers I've been getting either yes

947
00:41:18,760 --> 00:41:21,920
Speaker 3: or no answers, and fine. He used to talk to

948
00:41:22,000 --> 00:41:24,000
Speaker 3: me about difficult things, and now he just seemed to

949
00:41:24,000 --> 00:41:26,560
Speaker 3: have lost all trust in me and his father. My

950
00:41:26,640 --> 00:41:28,279
Speaker 3: husband has tried to talk to him as well, but

951
00:41:28,320 --> 00:41:30,439
Speaker 3: he does not want to share anything with him either.

952
00:41:31,360 --> 00:41:34,880
Speaker 3: I caught fire, says, kind of a nightmare situation for

953
00:41:34,960 --> 00:41:37,160
Speaker 3: me as our son is getting older. The wife and

954
00:41:37,200 --> 00:41:39,680
Speaker 3: I have very different views on open marriage, and I

955
00:41:39,719 --> 00:41:43,160
Speaker 3: see this conversation exploding. Hope the best for you, as

956
00:41:43,200 --> 00:41:45,080
Speaker 3: I have to see this in our future.

957
00:41:45,400 --> 00:41:46,959
Speaker 1: Ope. He says, yeah, it's been hard.

958
00:41:47,040 --> 00:41:49,000
Speaker 3: He's going to be eighteen in two years, and he

959
00:41:49,040 --> 00:41:51,760
Speaker 3: seems to want to do one thing just despite.

960
00:41:51,320 --> 00:41:53,320
Speaker 1: Me, and that is join the army.

961
00:41:53,600 --> 00:41:55,600
Speaker 3: He knows I'm a pacifist and don't want him in

962
00:41:55,600 --> 00:41:58,600
Speaker 3: the army. My husband's brother is in the service and

963
00:41:58,640 --> 00:42:01,160
Speaker 3: he was always very similar to him in many ways.

964
00:42:01,680 --> 00:42:03,520
Speaker 3: I hope we can resolve this and hopefully that he

965
00:42:03,680 --> 00:42:07,319
Speaker 3: understands in two years, because I have a feeling he

966
00:42:07,360 --> 00:42:09,520
Speaker 3: has just decided to keep his head down, which is

967
00:42:09,560 --> 00:42:12,520
Speaker 3: how he's been acting, avoiding me and my husband as

968
00:42:12,600 --> 00:42:15,680
Speaker 3: much as possible while focusing on himself, and then just

969
00:42:15,719 --> 00:42:17,680
Speaker 3: stay quiet until he turns eighteen so he can run

970
00:42:17,680 --> 00:42:20,759
Speaker 3: off to the army. I'm terrified, and mean no disrespect

971
00:42:20,760 --> 00:42:23,400
Speaker 3: to those that serve. I'm just terrified of him joining

972
00:42:23,440 --> 00:42:25,920
Speaker 3: for the wrong reasons, especially if it's to spite me

973
00:42:26,000 --> 00:42:27,759
Speaker 3: and his father. And there is an update and I

974
00:42:27,800 --> 00:42:30,920
Speaker 3: agree that would be the dumbest reason anyone could possibly

975
00:42:30,960 --> 00:42:35,400
Speaker 3: join the military. Yeah, to bother your parents, I'm gonna

976
00:42:35,400 --> 00:42:38,160
Speaker 3: show them. I'm going to show them for signing up

977
00:42:38,360 --> 00:42:41,000
Speaker 3: for the worst job on the face of the planet

978
00:42:41,480 --> 00:42:45,720
Speaker 3: war And again, not disrespecting any service members.

979
00:42:45,719 --> 00:42:48,040
Speaker 1: It's just you need to know that that's what you're signing

980
00:42:48,160 --> 00:42:48,480
Speaker 1: up for.

981
00:42:49,360 --> 00:42:51,920
Speaker 3: You're signing up for the thing that everyone says. It's

982
00:42:51,960 --> 00:42:55,839
Speaker 3: just the worst thing ever. Hey, and you know, thank

983
00:42:55,880 --> 00:43:00,640
Speaker 3: you for serving, but this kid's not thinking right about that.

984
00:43:01,000 --> 00:43:03,279
Speaker 3: Six months later, I just wanted to say that the

985
00:43:03,320 --> 00:43:08,440
Speaker 3: last few months have been difficult. You don't say he's

986
00:43:08,480 --> 00:43:10,719
Speaker 3: been giving us the silent treatment except when we ask

987
00:43:10,840 --> 00:43:13,200
Speaker 3: him to do anything like chores or homework. I can't

988
00:43:13,200 --> 00:43:15,360
Speaker 3: complain too much since he cleans his room, does the

989
00:43:15,360 --> 00:43:17,480
Speaker 3: dishes when it's his turn, and for a teenage boy

990
00:43:17,560 --> 00:43:20,200
Speaker 3: is very responsible, but he seems to be keeping his

991
00:43:20,200 --> 00:43:22,719
Speaker 3: head down and refuses to engage with us. He has

992
00:43:22,719 --> 00:43:24,760
Speaker 3: at least decided he can sit at the same table

993
00:43:24,800 --> 00:43:27,000
Speaker 3: with us and eat dinner again, which took three months

994
00:43:27,040 --> 00:43:30,640
Speaker 3: to happen. We tried, after two months since writing the post,

995
00:43:30,760 --> 00:43:33,600
Speaker 3: to slowly ease him into the conversation and explain things,

996
00:43:33,960 --> 00:43:36,200
Speaker 3: but he was not very receptive and did not respond

997
00:43:36,200 --> 00:43:39,120
Speaker 3: to anything we were saying. We also apologized if he

998
00:43:39,120 --> 00:43:41,160
Speaker 3: felt lied to and told him sorry that he was

999
00:43:41,239 --> 00:43:43,759
Speaker 3: led to believe I'd been cheating on his father, and

1000
00:43:43,880 --> 00:43:45,920
Speaker 3: assured him that I love his father and we are

1001
00:43:45,960 --> 00:43:48,239
Speaker 3: not splitting up. He had known about my partner for

1002
00:43:48,320 --> 00:43:51,000
Speaker 3: quite a while, longer than I realized. He had known

1003
00:43:51,040 --> 00:43:54,040
Speaker 3: for almost four months and had been agonizing over how

1004
00:43:54,040 --> 00:43:56,400
Speaker 3: to tell his father. In that time, a lot of

1005
00:43:56,440 --> 00:43:59,160
Speaker 3: anger and resentment towards me had been festering. He at

1006
00:43:59,239 --> 00:44:02,000
Speaker 3: least answers his father now in full sentences, but with me,

1007
00:44:02,120 --> 00:44:04,480
Speaker 3: he's keeping me at arm's length. I think the way

1008
00:44:04,520 --> 00:44:06,880
Speaker 3: he found out and believed for so long that I cheated,

1009
00:44:06,920 --> 00:44:09,120
Speaker 3: coupled with not knowing what to do and being scared

1010
00:44:09,120 --> 00:44:11,719
Speaker 3: to tell his father caused a lot of damage, not

1011
00:44:11,840 --> 00:44:12,600
Speaker 3: to mention the.

1012
00:44:12,680 --> 00:44:13,759
Speaker 2: Kid is sixteen.

1013
00:44:14,360 --> 00:44:16,360
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's a lot to process at sixte.

1014
00:44:16,360 --> 00:44:17,560
Speaker 1: Put him in therapy.

1015
00:44:18,239 --> 00:44:20,120
Speaker 3: Be like, we're gonna put you into therapy and you

1016
00:44:20,160 --> 00:44:24,279
Speaker 3: can tell them exactly how much you'd dislike me. We're

1017
00:44:24,320 --> 00:44:26,200
Speaker 3: sending you to therapy so you could say all of

1018
00:44:26,200 --> 00:44:28,480
Speaker 3: the negative things that you need to get off your

1019
00:44:28,560 --> 00:44:31,920
Speaker 3: chest about me. When his father said I know, and

1020
00:44:31,960 --> 00:44:35,160
Speaker 3: it's okay, she's not cheating, it was probably a lot

1021
00:44:35,200 --> 00:44:38,279
Speaker 3: to handle. Instead of being relieved, he felt lied to

1022
00:44:38,400 --> 00:44:41,680
Speaker 3: and humiliated by all the pain he endured believing I

1023
00:44:41,800 --> 00:44:45,040
Speaker 3: had cheated. I understand that now, but it has been

1024
00:44:45,200 --> 00:44:47,520
Speaker 3: very hard since I have not been able to even

1025
00:44:47,640 --> 00:44:48,719
Speaker 3: give him a hug.

1026
00:44:48,520 --> 00:44:51,520
Speaker 1: In a long time. I touched his shoulder to remind

1027
00:44:51,600 --> 00:44:54,719
Speaker 1: him of something and he froze and looked really uncomfortable.

1028
00:44:55,600 --> 00:44:58,840
Speaker 1: So that's the update. Not really happy, sorry to say,

1029
00:44:59,160 --> 00:44:59,959
Speaker 1: and it's been hard.

1030
00:45:00,400 --> 00:45:03,479
Speaker 3: We've stopped all dates since, obviously, but I'm not sure

1031
00:45:03,520 --> 00:45:06,200
Speaker 3: what more I can do except give him space and

1032
00:45:06,239 --> 00:45:08,360
Speaker 3: hope he finally decides to speak to me again.

1033
00:45:08,719 --> 00:45:11,680
Speaker 1: Oh there's another one more update three months later.

1034
00:45:12,680 --> 00:45:15,839
Speaker 3: I gotta say, it does seem like his reaction is

1035
00:45:16,120 --> 00:45:16,760
Speaker 3: very extreme.

1036
00:45:17,440 --> 00:45:20,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, I will, I'll agree with that, I think it,

1037
00:45:20,280 --> 00:45:24,160
Speaker 2: but also everyone, like you know, processes things in different ways.

1038
00:45:24,160 --> 00:45:28,360
Speaker 2: But I do think that he's taking this to another

1039
00:45:28,440 --> 00:45:31,240
Speaker 2: level of like I don't understand and I need someone

1040
00:45:31,280 --> 00:45:35,440
Speaker 2: to blame. And my mom is the bad person in this,

1041
00:45:35,800 --> 00:45:38,560
Speaker 2: you know, because she because she's cheating or she's seeing

1042
00:45:38,600 --> 00:45:41,960
Speaker 2: someone else, she's being you know, the bad person in

1043
00:45:42,000 --> 00:45:45,640
Speaker 2: this situation. Like he's not giving anyone a chance to

1044
00:45:45,719 --> 00:45:48,840
Speaker 2: kind of explain the situation, but also as a teenager,

1045
00:45:48,960 --> 00:45:51,480
Speaker 2: like you're not gonna understand it anyway. So I think

1046
00:45:51,480 --> 00:45:54,080
Speaker 2: he's just like, nah, I just I've made up my mind.

1047
00:45:54,080 --> 00:45:56,200
Speaker 2: I don't like you anymore, and like that is such

1048
00:45:56,200 --> 00:45:57,160
Speaker 2: a teenage thing to do.

1049
00:45:57,840 --> 00:45:58,360
Speaker 1: Very true.

1050
00:45:59,280 --> 00:46:03,760
Speaker 3: Three months later, hi ope here Well, a year later,

1051
00:46:04,120 --> 00:46:06,719
Speaker 3: he at least talks normally to his father, but he

1052
00:46:06,840 --> 00:46:07,799
Speaker 3: is still keeping me.

1053
00:46:07,880 --> 00:46:08,720
Speaker 1: At arm's length.

1054
00:46:09,200 --> 00:46:10,960
Speaker 3: I literally have not been able to give him a

1055
00:46:11,000 --> 00:46:14,000
Speaker 3: hug since before this happened. He finally opened up to

1056
00:46:14,000 --> 00:46:16,800
Speaker 3: my husband about what exactly he discovered, and it was

1057
00:46:16,840 --> 00:46:19,480
Speaker 3: a picture of me and one of my partners taken

1058
00:46:19,520 --> 00:46:23,239
Speaker 3: at a resort. My husband tried to explain and I

1059
00:46:23,280 --> 00:46:25,759
Speaker 3: apologize to him for what he saw, because I was

1060
00:46:25,840 --> 00:46:27,360
Speaker 3: the one who said it was okay to use the

1061
00:46:27,400 --> 00:46:30,520
Speaker 3: iPad and I did not close the tabs or log

1062
00:46:30,560 --> 00:46:33,040
Speaker 3: out of my account. He has not acted out, but

1063
00:46:33,080 --> 00:46:35,600
Speaker 3: he seems to have closed off from me completely and

1064
00:46:35,680 --> 00:46:38,680
Speaker 3: only me. He talks to everyone normally now except me.

1065
00:46:39,160 --> 00:46:42,880
Speaker 3: So that's the update, and that is the end of

1066
00:46:42,880 --> 00:46:45,680
Speaker 3: that story. I think your son needs therapy to figure

1067
00:46:45,719 --> 00:46:46,560
Speaker 3: out how to deal with that.

1068
00:46:46,719 --> 00:46:46,879
Speaker 5: Yeah.

1069
00:46:46,920 --> 00:46:50,359
Speaker 2: I think he just doesn't know how to express how

1070
00:46:50,400 --> 00:46:51,640
Speaker 2: he feels towards you.

1071
00:46:51,920 --> 00:46:53,759
Speaker 1: And that's the end of this story. We're gonna go

1072
00:46:53,800 --> 00:46:57,279
Speaker 1: on to the next one. Hey, it's Keon, your favorite Filipino.

1073
00:46:57,320 --> 00:46:57,520
Speaker 3: Here.

1074
00:46:57,600 --> 00:46:59,560
Speaker 1: We're going to get back to the stories. But here's

1075
00:46:59,560 --> 00:47:01,439
Speaker 1: three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

1076
00:47:02,320 --> 00:47:06,200
Speaker 2: My wife's new friends convinced her I'm a loser, so

1077
00:47:06,280 --> 00:47:08,120
Speaker 2: I revealed my net worth.

1078
00:47:08,160 --> 00:47:10,440
Speaker 1: And it's five hundred dollars.

1079
00:47:11,239 --> 00:47:14,200
Speaker 2: I thirty five male, and my wife, thirty three female,

1080
00:47:14,440 --> 00:47:17,560
Speaker 2: have been together for about five years, married for just

1081
00:47:17,640 --> 00:47:20,840
Speaker 2: about one I met her while I was an entrepreneur

1082
00:47:20,920 --> 00:47:23,680
Speaker 2: running my company and she was scaling the corporate ladder.

1083
00:47:24,160 --> 00:47:25,759
Speaker 2: Just around the time we met, I was in the

1084
00:47:25,760 --> 00:47:29,439
Speaker 2: process of selling a company that I founded. By the way,

1085
00:47:30,000 --> 00:47:33,239
Speaker 2: this comes from throwaway account nine nine eighty six And

1086
00:47:33,280 --> 00:47:35,719
Speaker 2: if you want to submit your own stories, go to

1087
00:47:35,760 --> 00:47:39,440
Speaker 2: the r slash okay story time subreddit. I am Savannah,

1088
00:47:39,480 --> 00:47:41,800
Speaker 2: I am Dakota, and we're here.

1089
00:47:41,680 --> 00:47:44,000
Speaker 4: To give you some good advice. Goofully. But obviously we

1090
00:47:44,040 --> 00:47:45,239
Speaker 4: don't have all the answers.

1091
00:47:45,800 --> 00:47:47,200
Speaker 2: We're only gonna tell you what we would do in

1092
00:47:47,280 --> 00:47:49,239
Speaker 2: this situation. We would love to know what you would

1093
00:47:49,239 --> 00:47:54,200
Speaker 2: do in the comments. As Op says, my parents' solid

1094
00:47:54,239 --> 00:47:57,720
Speaker 2: financial situation allowed me to borrow money on favorable terms

1095
00:47:57,760 --> 00:48:01,880
Speaker 2: and retain a majority equity stock that paid out very well.

1096
00:48:02,480 --> 00:48:05,920
Speaker 2: My parents immigrated to America in debt from the plane ticket,

1097
00:48:06,040 --> 00:48:09,319
Speaker 2: but worked hard and made their way. One of those

1098
00:48:09,360 --> 00:48:12,680
Speaker 2: things they taught me was to spend wisely. Being showy

1099
00:48:12,719 --> 00:48:16,000
Speaker 2: with your money was something I just grew up not liking.

1100
00:48:16,400 --> 00:48:19,440
Speaker 2: I bargain hunt for clothes, I drive a Subaru, live

1101
00:48:19,480 --> 00:48:22,160
Speaker 2: in a pretty modest house. Now I spend my time

1102
00:48:22,239 --> 00:48:25,600
Speaker 2: running charitable organizations and making a very modest income, which

1103
00:48:25,640 --> 00:48:28,680
Speaker 2: of most I either donate back or save. When my

1104
00:48:28,760 --> 00:48:31,279
Speaker 2: wife and I first started dating, I told her I

1105
00:48:31,400 --> 00:48:35,040
Speaker 2: was transitioning jobs to try and give back more, and

1106
00:48:35,080 --> 00:48:38,160
Speaker 2: she was very supportive and proud of me doing that. However,

1107
00:48:38,280 --> 00:48:40,240
Speaker 2: over the past one to one and a half years,

1108
00:48:40,239 --> 00:48:44,319
Speaker 2: she has seen her career surge, with her already very

1109
00:48:44,320 --> 00:48:48,479
Speaker 2: good salary increasing by multiples, and I could not be

1110
00:48:48,560 --> 00:48:51,640
Speaker 2: more proud of her. Throughout the time we dated, we

1111
00:48:51,640 --> 00:48:55,560
Speaker 2: were engaged, and got married, I never really revealed the

1112
00:48:55,640 --> 00:48:59,960
Speaker 2: extent to which I had money, however, so onto the argument.

1113
00:49:00,680 --> 00:49:03,640
Speaker 2: As my wife's career took off, she became surrounded by

1114
00:49:03,680 --> 00:49:06,560
Speaker 2: more successful people. Most of these people are pretty nice,

1115
00:49:06,640 --> 00:49:09,040
Speaker 2: but there are some people who I don't like, particularly

1116
00:49:09,080 --> 00:49:11,719
Speaker 2: in this group of girls who my wife became friends with.

1117
00:49:11,960 --> 00:49:14,080
Speaker 2: Over the past year, they've invited my wife out for

1118
00:49:14,200 --> 00:49:18,320
Speaker 2: drinks after work, and she eventually acquiesced to their invitations.

1119
00:49:18,520 --> 00:49:21,800
Speaker 2: This coincides with the change in her behavior from the humble,

1120
00:49:21,840 --> 00:49:26,000
Speaker 2: hard working girl I knew to someone more concerned about status.

1121
00:49:26,280 --> 00:49:29,840
Speaker 2: She traded in her Nissan for BMW, her normal clothes

1122
00:49:29,840 --> 00:49:32,840
Speaker 2: for designer. But what really bothered me was the change

1123
00:49:32,840 --> 00:49:36,399
Speaker 2: in her behavior. She started gossiping more, viewing herself as

1124
00:49:36,480 --> 00:49:39,360
Speaker 2: better for making more money, and had an arrogance about

1125
00:49:39,360 --> 00:49:42,800
Speaker 2: her that I found very unattractive. People weren't just people,

1126
00:49:42,960 --> 00:49:45,279
Speaker 2: but they were poor or rich, and her respect for

1127
00:49:45,360 --> 00:49:48,760
Speaker 2: you dependent on what you did. She became more curt

1128
00:49:48,880 --> 00:49:50,239
Speaker 2: with waiters and waitresses.

1129
00:49:50,280 --> 00:49:54,080
Speaker 4: Oh oh no, yeah, I hate.

1130
00:49:53,880 --> 00:49:56,000
Speaker 1: That, the ultimate red flag.

1131
00:49:56,239 --> 00:49:59,440
Speaker 3: Yeah, I will never be with a partner who is

1132
00:49:59,560 --> 00:50:02,640
Speaker 3: like obtuse to waitresses.

1133
00:50:03,200 --> 00:50:06,640
Speaker 2: She would come back tipsy or wasted some nights, and

1134
00:50:06,719 --> 00:50:09,720
Speaker 2: our love life definitely took a down swing. I walked

1135
00:50:09,760 --> 00:50:12,160
Speaker 2: into the house last night after spending a few hours

1136
00:50:12,200 --> 00:50:14,319
Speaker 2: with my friends and heard her talking in our room.

1137
00:50:14,600 --> 00:50:16,640
Speaker 2: She was oblivious to the fact I was in the

1138
00:50:16,680 --> 00:50:18,839
Speaker 2: house and the phone was on speaker. I heard her

1139
00:50:18,880 --> 00:50:22,200
Speaker 2: friend complaining about me my simple life and asking her

1140
00:50:22,239 --> 00:50:25,440
Speaker 2: why she was with me. After all, as far as

1141
00:50:25,480 --> 00:50:28,640
Speaker 2: they know, I don't make that much money and just volunteer.

1142
00:50:29,160 --> 00:50:31,239
Speaker 2: I'm not a high class man.

1143
00:50:31,400 --> 00:50:32,200
Speaker 4: I expected my.

1144
00:50:32,160 --> 00:50:34,080
Speaker 2: Wife to tell her to stop, or at least try

1145
00:50:34,120 --> 00:50:36,400
Speaker 2: and defend me, but instead I heard her dismiss my

1146
00:50:36,440 --> 00:50:39,919
Speaker 2: work and complain about my life choices. When she walked out,

1147
00:50:40,360 --> 00:50:42,560
Speaker 2: she looked surprised to see me and asked me how

1148
00:50:42,600 --> 00:50:45,880
Speaker 2: long I had been home, to which I snarkily replied,

1149
00:50:45,960 --> 00:50:49,520
Speaker 2: long enough to hear your conversation. I honestly just expected

1150
00:50:49,520 --> 00:50:52,680
Speaker 2: an apology. What my wife did next surprise me. She

1151
00:50:52,800 --> 00:50:55,160
Speaker 2: told me that her friend made some valid points.

1152
00:50:55,400 --> 00:50:57,880
Speaker 1: Nah, she's just backed up in the corner.

1153
00:50:57,920 --> 00:51:00,120
Speaker 3: She feels like she's gonna defend herself. Oh no, Oh,

1154
00:51:00,600 --> 00:51:02,480
Speaker 3: she wants to fight. She feels like she has to

1155
00:51:02,520 --> 00:51:03,080
Speaker 3: win now.

1156
00:51:03,760 --> 00:51:07,759
Speaker 2: I tried staying calm. She followed up by letting me

1157
00:51:07,880 --> 00:51:10,520
Speaker 2: know that our lifestyle is only going to become more

1158
00:51:10,560 --> 00:51:13,400
Speaker 2: expensive over the next twenty years. We're trying for kids,

1159
00:51:13,719 --> 00:51:16,680
Speaker 2: and eventually whatever money I was contributing was going to

1160
00:51:16,760 --> 00:51:19,000
Speaker 2: run out and it would just be her income, and

1161
00:51:19,040 --> 00:51:21,040
Speaker 2: that the least I could do if I wasn't going

1162
00:51:21,080 --> 00:51:25,040
Speaker 2: to contribute was to do what she wanted. I asked

1163
00:51:25,080 --> 00:51:27,800
Speaker 2: what exactly she wanted from me, because I thought paying

1164
00:51:27,840 --> 00:51:30,040
Speaker 2: half of all the bills, buying her gifts, taking her

1165
00:51:30,040 --> 00:51:32,680
Speaker 2: on dates, planning vacations was what I was supposed to do.

1166
00:51:33,360 --> 00:51:36,560
Speaker 2: I said some things next that I regret. I called

1167
00:51:36,560 --> 00:51:40,480
Speaker 2: her conceited, said her friends at work are leeches, and

1168
00:51:40,600 --> 00:51:45,239
Speaker 2: told her that her behavior was repulsive. She fired back

1169
00:51:45,280 --> 00:51:48,080
Speaker 2: and called me lazy and selfish for not prioritizing our

1170
00:51:48,120 --> 00:51:51,440
Speaker 2: financial well being, not caring about her career and image,

1171
00:51:51,440 --> 00:51:54,880
Speaker 2: and being stubborn. At some point, the argument became a

1172
00:51:55,000 --> 00:51:59,319
Speaker 2: who does what contest, and she started talking about how

1173
00:51:59,400 --> 00:52:02,160
Speaker 2: much money she makes versus how much I make. She

1174
00:52:02,360 --> 00:52:06,440
Speaker 2: then had the outrageousness to suggest that I should be

1175
00:52:06,520 --> 00:52:08,919
Speaker 2: thankful to her because on the nights she goes out,

1176
00:52:09,239 --> 00:52:12,800
Speaker 2: guys hit on her and she says no. Her friends

1177
00:52:12,840 --> 00:52:15,960
Speaker 2: told her she should go for it, since she wore

1178
00:52:16,040 --> 00:52:17,360
Speaker 2: the pants in our house.

1179
00:52:17,440 --> 00:52:20,759
Speaker 3: Right, Her friends are worse than leeches. They're like the

1180
00:52:20,880 --> 00:52:23,400
Speaker 3: parasites inside the leeches.

1181
00:52:23,080 --> 00:52:24,680
Speaker 4: Not wearing the pants in the house.

1182
00:52:25,280 --> 00:52:25,680
Speaker 6: I am.

1183
00:52:26,680 --> 00:52:29,080
Speaker 2: I don't usually get angry, but in that moment, my

1184
00:52:29,160 --> 00:52:31,880
Speaker 2: temper flared. This is the part where I think I

1185
00:52:31,960 --> 00:52:35,160
Speaker 2: earnestly might have messed up. Although I'm really proud of

1186
00:52:35,160 --> 00:52:38,440
Speaker 2: what my wife has done, I demeaned her accomplishments. I

1187
00:52:38,520 --> 00:52:42,240
Speaker 2: dropped the figure behind, the obscenely high payout I received

1188
00:52:42,239 --> 00:52:45,240
Speaker 2: when I sold my company, the smart investments I made after,

1189
00:52:45,360 --> 00:52:47,880
Speaker 2: and just how much money I'm worth. To add insult

1190
00:52:47,920 --> 00:52:50,880
Speaker 2: to injury, I ended by calling what she makes pennies

1191
00:52:50,920 --> 00:52:55,000
Speaker 2: I wouldn't even piss on. I then told her to

1192
00:52:55,040 --> 00:52:58,360
Speaker 2: go and have relations with whomever she pleases. She stared

1193
00:52:58,360 --> 00:53:01,719
Speaker 2: at me in disbelief, called me up knucklehead for not

1194
00:53:01,840 --> 00:53:04,680
Speaker 2: telling her the truth, and stormed out. I walked into

1195
00:53:04,760 --> 00:53:06,799
Speaker 2: my bedroom when I noticed a half empty bottle of

1196
00:53:06,800 --> 00:53:09,239
Speaker 2: wine and realized she was probably a little wasted. I

1197
00:53:09,280 --> 00:53:12,640
Speaker 2: got nervous and scared. I spammed her phone, begging her

1198
00:53:12,640 --> 00:53:14,719
Speaker 2: to come back and not cheat. She told me she

1199
00:53:14,800 --> 00:53:17,400
Speaker 2: was at her friend's house and sent a picture. She

1200
00:53:17,520 --> 00:53:20,239
Speaker 2: went to work this morning, and I've texted her and

1201
00:53:20,280 --> 00:53:22,600
Speaker 2: tried to call her all day, but she barely responds.

1202
00:53:22,960 --> 00:53:25,160
Speaker 2: I've made her dinner and want to set things right.

1203
00:53:26,120 --> 00:53:26,359
Speaker 3: Uh.

1204
00:53:26,440 --> 00:53:27,880
Speaker 4: Now on to some comments.

1205
00:53:28,800 --> 00:53:33,360
Speaker 2: Comment one, stop chasing her, you're validating her entire behavior.

1206
00:53:33,760 --> 00:53:35,680
Speaker 2: Tell her she can stay gone if she continues to

1207
00:53:35,719 --> 00:53:38,279
Speaker 2: act the way she does. Opie says, she's about to

1208
00:53:38,320 --> 00:53:39,920
Speaker 2: get back from work and we're going to have a

1209
00:53:40,040 --> 00:53:43,000
Speaker 2: very serious talk that the future of our relationship probably

1210
00:53:43,040 --> 00:53:45,400
Speaker 2: depends on. I think I'm going to have to figure

1211
00:53:45,440 --> 00:53:48,759
Speaker 2: out exactly why she's acting the way she is, and

1212
00:53:48,880 --> 00:53:52,640
Speaker 2: maybe get her a therapist or marriage counseling or something.

1213
00:53:52,719 --> 00:53:55,080
Speaker 2: If I can't work it through with her. I won't

1214
00:53:55,080 --> 00:53:57,160
Speaker 2: say I didn't consider just letting her go, but she

1215
00:53:57,280 --> 00:54:00,040
Speaker 2: truly is Slash was a great person who can be

1216
00:54:00,080 --> 00:54:02,520
Speaker 2: incredibly thoughtful, and I'm not ready to give up on

1217
00:54:02,560 --> 00:54:06,399
Speaker 2: that just yet. Either way, the wife is just about here,

1218
00:54:06,480 --> 00:54:09,239
Speaker 2: and I'm going to have the maybe the toughest conversation

1219
00:54:09,360 --> 00:54:11,960
Speaker 2: of my life. Someone replied, saying, why are you blaming

1220
00:54:12,000 --> 00:54:15,240
Speaker 2: everything on your wife? You kept your net worth hidden

1221
00:54:15,440 --> 00:54:18,680
Speaker 2: from your wife. You are married, not dating. You made

1222
00:54:18,719 --> 00:54:21,440
Speaker 2: a commitment to each other, you kept your net worth secret.

1223
00:54:21,680 --> 00:54:25,560
Speaker 2: Why you both need marriage counseling, not just your wife

1224
00:54:25,560 --> 00:54:28,120
Speaker 2: but you because you obviously have trust issues. A lie

1225
00:54:28,160 --> 00:54:30,040
Speaker 2: by a mission is still a lie.

1226
00:54:30,719 --> 00:54:33,640
Speaker 1: I disagree with that. I guess the amount of money

1227
00:54:33,680 --> 00:54:35,600
Speaker 1: I'm playing with in my head is like a lot

1228
00:54:35,600 --> 00:54:38,399
Speaker 1: of money. Yeah, and like that.

1229
00:54:38,400 --> 00:54:41,839
Speaker 2: That just it changes people, it does comment number two.

1230
00:54:42,520 --> 00:54:45,080
Speaker 2: You lied to her for your entire relationship, and you

1231
00:54:45,160 --> 00:54:48,600
Speaker 2: pissed all over her accomplishments, which she achieved with her

1232
00:54:48,640 --> 00:54:51,160
Speaker 2: own work. How is she supposed to know that you

1233
00:54:51,360 --> 00:54:54,600
Speaker 2: have fu money and can contribute to a child's life

1234
00:54:54,600 --> 00:54:57,560
Speaker 2: when you've lied all along and you got that money

1235
00:54:57,560 --> 00:55:01,479
Speaker 2: by being just as driven and ambitious image conscious as

1236
00:55:01,520 --> 00:55:04,440
Speaker 2: she is now. But since you cashed out, you're suddenly

1237
00:55:04,480 --> 00:55:07,239
Speaker 2: above that. I cannot tell you how betrayed. I would

1238
00:55:07,239 --> 00:55:09,759
Speaker 2: feel if I learned that my husband had not been

1239
00:55:09,800 --> 00:55:12,520
Speaker 2: honest about his financial status for the entire time I

1240
00:55:12,600 --> 00:55:15,399
Speaker 2: knew him. That kind of deception would be a deal

1241
00:55:15,440 --> 00:55:18,600
Speaker 2: breaker for me. You think she's vapid and shallow, but

1242
00:55:18,719 --> 00:55:21,720
Speaker 2: she didn't lie to you. You lied to her. Comment

1243
00:55:21,800 --> 00:55:24,680
Speaker 2: number three. I can't wait until all her snarky friends

1244
00:55:24,719 --> 00:55:26,480
Speaker 2: find out your ultra wealthy.

1245
00:55:27,280 --> 00:55:31,320
Speaker 3: Yeah, watch all her leech friends try to then play

1246
00:55:31,360 --> 00:55:32,400
Speaker 3: steal your man with you?

1247
00:55:32,719 --> 00:55:35,080
Speaker 2: Yes, what they'll do, right, and then be like, oh,

1248
00:55:35,080 --> 00:55:38,200
Speaker 2: well he wasn't really that bad to how many zeros?

1249
00:55:38,560 --> 00:55:39,560
Speaker 4: Yeah? Right? Oh?

1250
00:55:40,239 --> 00:55:44,840
Speaker 2: Comment number four. Your newlyweds and she's out clubbing. Don't cry,

1251
00:55:44,880 --> 00:55:48,040
Speaker 2: beg or validate her behavior. Only calm, civil, strong, and

1252
00:55:48,080 --> 00:55:51,680
Speaker 2: confident behavior will receive her respect. You both said ugly things,

1253
00:55:51,719 --> 00:55:55,560
Speaker 2: but her behavior and friends triggered this. Unfortunately, you can't

1254
00:55:55,600 --> 00:55:59,040
Speaker 2: fix this. Her friend group is toxic in general and

1255
00:55:59,160 --> 00:56:02,879
Speaker 2: also to your marriage, as well as her bad attitude.

1256
00:56:03,080 --> 00:56:07,120
Speaker 2: Since they encourage adultery, you should insist on zero contact.

1257
00:56:07,280 --> 00:56:10,160
Speaker 2: She is no longer the woman you married, nor is

1258
00:56:10,200 --> 00:56:12,520
Speaker 2: she the role model you envision for your future kids.

1259
00:56:12,560 --> 00:56:14,880
Speaker 3: Now that you we're going very far there but I

1260
00:56:14,920 --> 00:56:16,920
Speaker 3: do agree with the things about the friends.

1261
00:56:17,280 --> 00:56:19,440
Speaker 1: Her friends were literally encouraging her to cheat on you.

1262
00:56:20,160 --> 00:56:24,480
Speaker 2: Frankly, I don't see her currently as a good candidate

1263
00:56:24,520 --> 00:56:27,799
Speaker 2: to reconcile. I think you need to motivate her. Let

1264
00:56:27,840 --> 00:56:32,359
Speaker 2: her see you taking the initial steps to terminate the relationship,

1265
00:56:32,719 --> 00:56:35,160
Speaker 2: see an attorney. In order to save your marriage. She

1266
00:56:35,239 --> 00:56:39,600
Speaker 2: must believe bluff if necessary, you are willing to walk away. Finally,

1267
00:56:39,680 --> 00:56:42,040
Speaker 2: her comments about you not carrying your own weight actually

1268
00:56:42,080 --> 00:56:45,080
Speaker 2: burned a bridge. She's angry because you got to see

1269
00:56:45,080 --> 00:56:50,080
Speaker 2: the real person materialistic, shallow, selfish, entitled, and zero empathy

1270
00:56:50,120 --> 00:56:52,480
Speaker 2: for you. Don't allow her to turn this around on

1271
00:56:52,520 --> 00:56:55,160
Speaker 2: you with honing your personal wealth is not on the

1272
00:56:55,160 --> 00:56:57,200
Speaker 2: same level as her showing her true face.

1273
00:56:57,440 --> 00:56:58,000
Speaker 1: There is an.

1274
00:56:57,920 --> 00:57:00,879
Speaker 3: Update, and again it might not even be her true face,

1275
00:57:00,880 --> 00:57:03,560
Speaker 3: but it's her money face. It's her I have more

1276
00:57:03,600 --> 00:57:07,000
Speaker 3: money than you now face. That's her face. All that

1277
00:57:07,040 --> 00:57:10,560
Speaker 3: stuff about her like that's just overblown. It's not black

1278
00:57:10,600 --> 00:57:14,120
Speaker 3: and white, it's gray, you know. I think that she

1279
00:57:14,239 --> 00:57:16,280
Speaker 3: can come back. There is definitely a chance for her

1280
00:57:16,320 --> 00:57:17,240
Speaker 3: to come back down to earth.

1281
00:57:17,240 --> 00:57:21,520
Speaker 2: Here update, she came home to dinner last night teary eyed,

1282
00:57:21,560 --> 00:57:23,720
Speaker 2: and handed me a piece of paper. I got teary

1283
00:57:23,760 --> 00:57:26,240
Speaker 2: eyed and said, please don't divorce me. She laughed and

1284
00:57:26,240 --> 00:57:27,280
Speaker 2: said read it.

1285
00:57:27,280 --> 00:57:27,880
Speaker 4: It was a.

1286
00:57:27,960 --> 00:57:31,120
Speaker 2: Shodily written up agreement where she basically said I won't

1287
00:57:31,120 --> 00:57:33,560
Speaker 2: take your money if anything does happen. I ripped up

1288
00:57:33,600 --> 00:57:36,240
Speaker 2: the paper and just hugged her. She's spent the night

1289
00:57:36,480 --> 00:57:39,280
Speaker 2: at a friend's house that I actually know, not one

1290
00:57:39,320 --> 00:57:43,320
Speaker 2: from work. My wife's friend's husband was away on a trip,

1291
00:57:43,400 --> 00:57:46,320
Speaker 2: so it seems they had a long talk. She first

1292
00:57:46,320 --> 00:57:49,080
Speaker 2: thanked me for making dinner and started off by apologizing.

1293
00:57:49,160 --> 00:57:51,200
Speaker 2: I guess her friend told her she had become more

1294
00:57:51,200 --> 00:57:54,080
Speaker 2: distant and different than the person she knew and wasn't

1295
00:57:54,080 --> 00:57:57,040
Speaker 2: surprised we had an argument. She apologized for not defending

1296
00:57:57,080 --> 00:58:00,360
Speaker 2: me and wanting me to be someone different. She also

1297
00:58:00,440 --> 00:58:03,760
Speaker 2: specifically apologized for her comment about not cheating on me,

1298
00:58:03,920 --> 00:58:08,800
Speaker 2: in hopes I know she would never ever consider infidelity.

1299
00:58:09,800 --> 00:58:12,800
Speaker 2: She then explained that while talking to her friend, she

1300
00:58:12,920 --> 00:58:17,080
Speaker 2: realized her career motivation stem from feeling less than others.

1301
00:58:17,400 --> 00:58:19,480
Speaker 2: She's a very bright person, but did not get the

1302
00:58:19,520 --> 00:58:22,480
Speaker 2: recognition she felt she deserved earlier in life and didn't

1303
00:58:22,480 --> 00:58:24,680
Speaker 2: want that to be taken away for not fitting in.

1304
00:58:24,920 --> 00:58:27,280
Speaker 2: She didn't want the others to think I was a

1305
00:58:27,320 --> 00:58:30,800
Speaker 2: loser or worse than their husbands. She also said that

1306
00:58:30,920 --> 00:58:33,160
Speaker 2: it wasn't an excuse to demand me to change who

1307
00:58:33,200 --> 00:58:35,200
Speaker 2: I am, and that she's proud of the work I do.

1308
00:58:35,560 --> 00:58:37,520
Speaker 2: Part of the reason she married me was because I

1309
00:58:37,600 --> 00:58:40,200
Speaker 2: had a sense of purpose. She just didn't realize I

1310
00:58:40,240 --> 00:58:43,440
Speaker 2: had won my monetary race and was now focusing on

1311
00:58:43,480 --> 00:58:47,240
Speaker 2: the philanthropic race. She also said that she was sorry

1312
00:58:47,240 --> 00:58:50,080
Speaker 2: for making our relationship about money. I also owed her

1313
00:58:50,120 --> 00:58:52,600
Speaker 2: an apology for not being fully transparent with the money

1314
00:58:52,600 --> 00:58:55,240
Speaker 2: I earned. She knew I sold a company. I told

1315
00:58:55,280 --> 00:58:58,040
Speaker 2: her my financial future would be secure and had alluded

1316
00:58:58,040 --> 00:59:00,080
Speaker 2: to figures in the past, but not giving her or

1317
00:59:00,120 --> 00:59:02,440
Speaker 2: an exact amount was probably a crappy thing to do.

1318
00:59:02,960 --> 00:59:06,720
Speaker 2: I never wanted anyone to be with me for money. Yeah,

1319
00:59:06,880 --> 00:59:09,160
Speaker 2: then I understand why you wouldn't say something like that.

1320
00:59:09,280 --> 00:59:10,760
Speaker 1: You know it's not you were like.

1321
00:59:10,840 --> 00:59:13,880
Speaker 7: Oh, I'm a penniness man and I have no money.

1322
00:59:14,640 --> 00:59:17,240
Speaker 3: Oh, you were like, I have enough money, our financial

1323
00:59:17,280 --> 00:59:21,400
Speaker 3: futures secured. I'd be like, all right, that sounds great,

1324
00:59:21,840 --> 00:59:23,440
Speaker 3: go ahead and be a philanthropist.

1325
00:59:23,760 --> 00:59:27,080
Speaker 2: She felt blindsided by the disclosure and walked out, in

1326
00:59:27,160 --> 00:59:30,160
Speaker 2: part because she felt ashamed for talking about her wealth

1327
00:59:30,200 --> 00:59:33,640
Speaker 2: when I made more upset that in comparison, her accomplishment

1328
00:59:33,680 --> 00:59:36,920
Speaker 2: seemed meager, and in part because she felt I didn't

1329
00:59:36,920 --> 00:59:39,640
Speaker 2: trust her. If I were in her shoes, I would

1330
00:59:39,680 --> 00:59:42,960
Speaker 2: probably also feel a little betrayed. I also apologize for

1331
00:59:43,040 --> 00:59:46,000
Speaker 2: telling her that she earns pennies I wouldn't even piss on.

1332
00:59:46,320 --> 00:59:46,919
Speaker 4: It was a.

1333
00:59:46,840 --> 00:59:51,360
Speaker 2: Demeaning statement and invalidated her hard earned accomplishments. She really

1334
00:59:51,400 --> 00:59:54,000
Speaker 2: is an incredibly smart and driven woman, and I love

1335
00:59:54,000 --> 00:59:56,520
Speaker 2: her for that. For me, being rich and not spending

1336
00:59:56,520 --> 01:00:00,680
Speaker 2: it on frivolous things was what I thought of as

1337
01:00:00,840 --> 01:00:04,600
Speaker 2: impressive in terms of our monetary situation. We agreed that

1338
01:00:04,640 --> 01:00:06,920
Speaker 2: we should probably wait a little for kids so that

1339
01:00:06,960 --> 01:00:09,680
Speaker 2: we can work our situation out first. We have more

1340
01:00:09,720 --> 01:00:12,040
Speaker 2: to discuss about our financial future. But I made it

1341
01:00:12,080 --> 01:00:16,840
Speaker 2: clear I wasn't invested in living an extravagant life. She

1342
01:00:16,960 --> 01:00:19,720
Speaker 2: seemed fine with that, but said she enjoys buying some

1343
01:00:19,800 --> 01:00:21,480
Speaker 2: nice clothes, jewelry and things like that.

1344
01:00:21,640 --> 01:00:24,120
Speaker 4: I also like that. I would love, like if I.

1345
01:00:24,080 --> 01:00:26,800
Speaker 2: Could of like afford you know, like designer stuff that

1346
01:00:26,880 --> 01:00:30,120
Speaker 2: I actually liked. Yeah, people like nice things, you know.

1347
01:00:30,680 --> 01:00:32,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, I just like it when things look nice.

1348
01:00:32,880 --> 01:00:35,680
Speaker 3: But I also am like, there is a level of

1349
01:00:35,840 --> 01:00:37,720
Speaker 3: price to where I'm like, I don't care how I

1350
01:00:37,720 --> 01:00:38,600
Speaker 3: will never pay that.

1351
01:00:39,040 --> 01:00:39,920
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, same.

1352
01:00:40,200 --> 01:00:43,320
Speaker 1: It's like the thirteen hundred dollars T shirt.

1353
01:00:43,400 --> 01:00:47,760
Speaker 3: It's like, yeah, no, I'll actually I'll hunt you if

1354
01:00:47,760 --> 01:00:49,520
Speaker 3: I find out that you bought that.

1355
01:00:50,000 --> 01:00:52,000
Speaker 2: I think I'd only have an issue with it if

1356
01:00:52,040 --> 01:00:54,760
Speaker 2: she starts spending more than she can afford to and

1357
01:00:54,880 --> 01:00:58,000
Speaker 2: uses the money I earned pre marriage as a safety net.

1358
01:00:58,320 --> 01:01:01,760
Speaker 2: Most importantly, with regards to her work friends, she told

1359
01:01:01,800 --> 01:01:04,640
Speaker 2: me it was made clear that they weren't a good influence.

1360
01:01:04,760 --> 01:01:08,000
Speaker 2: The group of girls at work are scandalous, and infidelity

1361
01:01:08,160 --> 01:01:11,360
Speaker 2: has happened. I think her friend told her the marriage

1362
01:01:11,440 --> 01:01:13,640
Speaker 2: very well could end, and that served as a wake

1363
01:01:13,720 --> 01:01:16,400
Speaker 2: up call. She showed me a text she sent those

1364
01:01:16,440 --> 01:01:19,480
Speaker 2: girls basically saying she doesn't appreciate them talking poorly about me,

1365
01:01:19,560 --> 01:01:21,840
Speaker 2: and that if they can't respect our marriage, she can't

1366
01:01:21,840 --> 01:01:24,720
Speaker 2: be friends with them. We agreed that we should probably

1367
01:01:24,760 --> 01:01:28,440
Speaker 2: see a marriage counselor. At some point, the conversation shifted

1368
01:01:28,680 --> 01:01:30,840
Speaker 2: from our dining room to the sofas, and it was

1369
01:01:30,920 --> 01:01:34,160
Speaker 2: definitely very emotional. But for the first time in about

1370
01:01:34,160 --> 01:01:37,080
Speaker 2: a year, I saw real honesty and vulnerability from the

1371
01:01:37,120 --> 01:01:39,760
Speaker 2: woman I fell in love with. She fell asleep on

1372
01:01:39,800 --> 01:01:42,160
Speaker 2: the couch and I lifted her up, brought her into

1373
01:01:42,200 --> 01:01:43,400
Speaker 2: the bedroom and tucked her in.

1374
01:01:44,720 --> 01:01:47,440
Speaker 4: I'm gonna cry. That's so cute.

1375
01:01:48,080 --> 01:01:50,160
Speaker 2: Like he he just loves her and he just didn't

1376
01:01:50,200 --> 01:01:52,400
Speaker 2: want someone to like be in it for the money.

1377
01:01:52,520 --> 01:01:56,000
Speaker 2: I respect that, and he's not flaunting it. He's not

1378
01:01:56,080 --> 01:01:57,920
Speaker 2: being like, oh, yeah, I'm better than you, you know,

1379
01:01:58,080 --> 01:02:00,240
Speaker 2: except for that one moment. But that's because, as she

1380
01:02:00,320 --> 01:02:02,439
Speaker 2: kind of said it first, there's a lot of work

1381
01:02:02,600 --> 01:02:05,000
Speaker 2: still to be done. But if we're both as sincere

1382
01:02:05,040 --> 01:02:07,240
Speaker 2: as we were tonight, I believe we can get through it.

1383
01:02:07,280 --> 01:02:08,280
Speaker 4: Oh there's a second update.

1384
01:02:08,400 --> 01:02:08,840
Speaker 1: Let's go.

1385
01:02:10,000 --> 01:02:12,960
Speaker 2: After almost two months of couples counseling and therapy, I

1386
01:02:13,200 --> 01:02:16,480
Speaker 2: feel ready to share my own judgments. My wife's promotion

1387
01:02:16,600 --> 01:02:18,800
Speaker 2: does not give her the right to act dismissive and

1388
01:02:19,000 --> 01:02:22,800
Speaker 2: disrespectful to others. Her new colleagues were terrible influences, and

1389
01:02:22,840 --> 01:02:25,920
Speaker 2: she became a bad person during that stretch. She truly

1390
01:02:25,960 --> 01:02:29,160
Speaker 2: thought she was better than others. And professional success entitled

1391
01:02:29,160 --> 01:02:34,080
Speaker 2: her to act without responsibility. Our relationship did deteriorate during

1392
01:02:34,120 --> 01:02:37,920
Speaker 2: that time, as she neglected us for her in our

1393
01:02:38,040 --> 01:02:41,440
Speaker 2: argument for her to view me as less than because

1394
01:02:41,480 --> 01:02:44,560
Speaker 2: she thought I didn't earn as much. Truly hurt, I

1395
01:02:44,600 --> 01:02:47,120
Speaker 2: would never judge her for anything other than her character

1396
01:02:47,240 --> 01:02:51,800
Speaker 2: to be judged on money, and that too, incorrectly fundamentally

1397
01:02:51,920 --> 01:02:55,520
Speaker 2: broke my trust in her character. Of course, I also

1398
01:02:55,560 --> 01:02:58,240
Speaker 2: broke her trust by not being transparent about my financial

1399
01:02:58,280 --> 01:03:01,480
Speaker 2: situation from therapy. Yeah, I found out. I had a

1400
01:03:01,480 --> 01:03:04,800
Speaker 2: few reasons. I still wanted her to pursue her career

1401
01:03:04,840 --> 01:03:07,240
Speaker 2: and contribute to the house. I didn't want others to know.

1402
01:03:07,720 --> 01:03:10,160
Speaker 2: I also understand that she is ambitious and wanted to

1403
01:03:10,160 --> 01:03:13,520
Speaker 2: improve our life, and there can understandably be pressure from

1404
01:03:13,520 --> 01:03:16,880
Speaker 2: more successful colleagues to live a certain way. However, her

1405
01:03:16,960 --> 01:03:20,320
Speaker 2: behavior going out laid hanging around questionable characters, saying she

1406
01:03:20,360 --> 01:03:22,320
Speaker 2: could cheat on me and I should thank her that

1407
01:03:22,400 --> 01:03:26,320
Speaker 2: she didn't was still unwarranted. The fact that she changed

1408
01:03:26,360 --> 01:03:29,880
Speaker 2: still digs at me. If I didn't want all that money,

1409
01:03:29,920 --> 01:03:31,400
Speaker 2: would we be divorced right now?

1410
01:03:32,280 --> 01:03:34,640
Speaker 3: I think you in your update you have said some

1411
01:03:34,720 --> 01:03:37,640
Speaker 3: poignant remarks. I think you've you've gained perspective in the

1412
01:03:37,680 --> 01:03:38,840
Speaker 3: last couple months, for sure.

1413
01:03:39,240 --> 01:03:41,280
Speaker 2: I think in a very healthy way too, that you

1414
01:03:41,320 --> 01:03:43,960
Speaker 2: are both getting the help that you need and deserve.

1415
01:03:44,280 --> 01:03:46,280
Speaker 1: I have just continues to trend up and we end

1416
01:03:46,320 --> 01:03:47,080
Speaker 1: it on a good note.

1417
01:03:47,200 --> 01:03:47,920
Speaker 4: Yes please.

1418
01:03:48,640 --> 01:03:52,000
Speaker 2: Therapy taught me two things. One I'm not wrong for

1419
01:03:52,080 --> 01:03:55,160
Speaker 2: feeling my wife has the far bigger problem, and two,

1420
01:03:55,440 --> 01:03:58,560
Speaker 2: just because people on Reddit said I was wrong doesn't

1421
01:03:58,600 --> 01:04:01,560
Speaker 2: mean I'm not also partly right.

1422
01:04:01,960 --> 01:04:03,200
Speaker 4: But enough negativity.

1423
01:04:03,320 --> 01:04:06,000
Speaker 2: We both have done individual and couple's therapy and have

1424
01:04:06,120 --> 01:04:09,200
Speaker 2: made tremendous progress. I have shared these thoughts with my

1425
01:04:09,280 --> 01:04:12,440
Speaker 2: wife and she has reciprocated. We still have work to

1426
01:04:12,480 --> 01:04:15,080
Speaker 2: do on the emotional aspects of our fallout, but the

1427
01:04:15,120 --> 01:04:18,360
Speaker 2: situation is genuinely better. I have wanted to forgive her

1428
01:04:18,360 --> 01:04:20,320
Speaker 2: from the moment she left, and she is earning that

1429
01:04:20,440 --> 01:04:22,919
Speaker 2: from me. I hope to do the same and earn

1430
01:04:23,000 --> 01:04:26,440
Speaker 2: her trust back to either way we're expecting. So I

1431
01:04:26,480 --> 01:04:29,640
Speaker 2: think we're both extra committed to making this work, and

1432
01:04:29,800 --> 01:04:30,240
Speaker 2: that's the.

1433
01:04:30,840 --> 01:04:31,960
Speaker 1: It's baby time.

1434
01:04:33,240 --> 01:04:34,840
Speaker 2: So they got the help that they needed. They had

1435
01:04:34,840 --> 01:04:37,600
Speaker 2: a big blowout, which, like you know, that happens but

1436
01:04:37,640 --> 01:04:39,960
Speaker 2: then they reconciled, got the help that they needed, and

1437
01:04:40,000 --> 01:04:42,959
Speaker 2: now they're both working towards something that they both want

1438
01:04:43,080 --> 01:04:44,800
Speaker 2: and making a baby.

1439
01:04:44,960 --> 01:04:46,400
Speaker 1: They got a little baby.

1440
01:04:46,800 --> 01:04:50,840
Speaker 3: I love healthy relationships, and that's the end of this story.