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Speaker 1: This is John, this is Sam your og okay Storytime

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Speaker 1: podcast hosts.

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Speaker 2: We have some spectacular stories coming up, but real quick,

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Speaker 2: we got a two minute break from our lovely sponsors

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Speaker 2: keeping this ship sailing.

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Speaker 3: I just found out my wife's pregnant. But now she's

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Speaker 3: telling me the baby's her affair partners.

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Speaker 1: At least she's honest about it.

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Speaker 3: It depends on how long it took her to say.

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Speaker 3: My wife confessed the affair about a week after telling

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Speaker 3: me she was pregnant, So, you know, a week I'd

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Speaker 3: spent excited about what I thought was going to be

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Speaker 3: my child. Oh turns out no, it was an emotionally

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Speaker 3: pretty traumatic time. I might have been able to work

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Speaker 3: through the infidelity, but made the ultimatum that she had

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Speaker 3: to end the pregnancy. She was philosophically opposed to terminating

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Speaker 3: the baby, and I knew this. She stuck to her

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Speaker 3: morals in that particular instance, and so I initiated a divorce.

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Speaker 3: She has since married her affair partner. Wow, Okay, that

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Speaker 3: blew up so quickly. By the way, this comes from

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Speaker 3: Burner explosions on the art Slade Okay Storytime subread.

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Speaker 1: At so a lot of twist and turns immediately. I

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Speaker 1: don't know what to think is the good guy in

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Speaker 1: the situation?

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Speaker 3: I know regarding custody of our sons, there was a

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Speaker 3: period of more conflict and resistance. I took the boys

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Speaker 3: in the initial period of Max's infancy, and in the

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Speaker 3: initial highly emotional, injured state I was in, I sought

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Speaker 3: full permanent custody, but I wasn't likely to be successful,

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Speaker 3: and I was eventually persuaded that, despite the breakdown of

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Speaker 3: my relationship with her, that it's in my son's best

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Speaker 3: interest to have their mother in their lives. Today, to

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Speaker 3: the amazement of everyone else in my life, my ex

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Speaker 3: and I remain co operating partners in the parenthood of

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Speaker 3: our children. For the last two years, we've shared week

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Speaker 3: to week custody of her two sons. This upcoming school year,

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Speaker 3: Max is going to be old enough to attend the

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Speaker 3: same school. About a month ago, I got sat down

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Speaker 3: by my ex or partner and all three boys, and

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Speaker 3: they all want Max to travel back and forth with

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Speaker 3: the boys each week and effectively live with me fifty

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Speaker 3: percent of the time. Seriously, Okay, so they're basically saying

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Speaker 3: the ex is saying the son that is not yours.

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Speaker 3: I want you to also watch him with the kids

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Speaker 3: that are ours.

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Speaker 1: I mean, that's I feel like that's kind of fair.

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Speaker 3: I kind of like he's saying it like it's like

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Speaker 3: this crazy thing, which I kind of get because he's like, oh,

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Speaker 3: it's not my son. But I also understand why the

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Speaker 3: boys would want to stick together.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's your your your children's half brother.

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Speaker 3: There are some arguments for it. Admittedly, the three boys

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Speaker 3: are friends and brothers. As much as I resent it out,

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Speaker 3: splitting them up regularly does seem like a weird sibling

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Speaker 3: dynamic that could have poor consequences. I'm angry with my

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Speaker 3: ex for broaching the topic with the boys before me.

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Speaker 3: That's crazy of her, But it's also entirely reasonable thing

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Speaker 3: for the boys to have an opinion on. I agreed.

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Speaker 3: What was I supposed to say?

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Speaker 2: No?

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Speaker 3: Why not? I can't say because I hate that Max exists.

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Speaker 3: So I said, okay, I do hate him.

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Speaker 1: Oh no, dude, no no no no no no no

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Speaker 1: no no, no, you can't do that.

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Speaker 3: I do think this man needs to go to therapy.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, man, that kid did not.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, she's just a kid.

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Speaker 2: I know.

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Speaker 3: He doesn't deserve to be hated. I know he's no

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Speaker 3: more responsible for the circumstances of his conception than any

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Speaker 3: of us, but knowing that doesn't seem to matter. He's

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Speaker 3: a walking, talking reminder of all the worst emotions that

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Speaker 3: I've ever felt. I'm coming to an end of a

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Speaker 3: second week staying with us and the boys. We have

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Speaker 3: moved him into my home and made space for him.

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Speaker 3: I hate the sound of his voice. If he needs

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Speaker 3: help in the kitchen, I am immediately annoyed with no

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Speaker 3: good reason. I'm constantly angered by his limitations, limitations that

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Speaker 3: are entirely in line with being a five year old.

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Speaker 3: Things I would never get angry with my sons over

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Speaker 3: I've short tempered and just energized with this useless, visceral anger.

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Speaker 3: There is a little bit more to this story, But pausing,

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Speaker 3: I think if he truly hates this kid, then he

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Speaker 3: should not be looking after him.

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Speaker 1: That's a fair point.

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Speaker 3: I honestly think it's more detrimental like to this five

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Speaker 3: year old to have a person who hates you uh

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Speaker 3: look after you than you know, not being able to

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Speaker 3: see his brothers.

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Speaker 1: But how do you tell that to the parents, Be like,

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Speaker 1: I can't look after your kid I hate. I hate,

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Speaker 1: a burning passion of a thousand sucks.

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Speaker 3: I think he just needs to say, like, I can't

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Speaker 3: look after your kid anymore, sorry, something like he doesn't

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Speaker 3: necessarily have to be so honest about him. Yeah, but

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Speaker 3: I don't think he should be looking after a child's.

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Speaker 1: Away though that this is like he's like, this is abnormal,

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Speaker 1: Like I should not be this upset with the kids,

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Speaker 1: But I spet a therapy for that exactly. That's like

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Speaker 1: a you would be better than beef for the five

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Speaker 1: year olds. Yeah, you need to untangle. Yeah, clearly, like

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Speaker 1: not not unjustified because you had a wife who cheated

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Speaker 1: on you as a kid with another person, Like that's

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Speaker 1: messed up.

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Speaker 3: I feel like the last years of my life have

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Speaker 3: been a carousel of familiations and degradations. The only way

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Speaker 3: I've been able to keep everything together is constantly repeating

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Speaker 3: to myself the pragmatic argument that no matter how authentic

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Speaker 3: my grievances are, and no matter how justified I am

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Speaker 3: in my anger, it doesn't help me or my sons

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Speaker 3: for me to devolve into an embittered rage hermit. What

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Speaker 3: a sentence.

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Speaker 1: He's so self aware that he's like I don't want

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Speaker 1: to be the embittered rage hermit, so that's not gonna

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Speaker 1: helpe any body.

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Speaker 3: Just hold my tongue, breathe deep, and force myself to

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Speaker 3: do the things that will actually help. So I remain

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Speaker 3: in regular contact with their mother, and I talk to

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Speaker 3: her politely on the topics that I have to. Since

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Speaker 3: recognizing that I don't have the legal power to exclude

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Speaker 3: him from my son's lives, I have been cordial with

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Speaker 3: Max's father. That I've been able to do these things

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Speaker 3: has been the only thing about myself worth feeling good about.

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Speaker 1: Oh oh, therapy, buddy therapy list. This man needs therapy

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Speaker 1: so bad, and there's nothing wrong with therapy. He is

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Speaker 1: a good thing.

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Speaker 3: But maybe it's not worth feeling good about. Maybe I

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Speaker 3: regret being civil because in Max's presence, that pragmatic argument

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Speaker 3: is not enough. It's like all the anger I've set

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Speaker 3: aside through sheer force of will returns at once and

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Speaker 3: possesses me while I have to talk it to it.

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Speaker 3: Oh my god, I thought I was doing the right thing.

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Speaker 3: But if I had remained combative and negative, I never

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Speaker 3: would have ended up in this position. What do I do?

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Speaker 3: I'm constantly thinking I want to back out to say no,

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Speaker 3: I can't do this. I'm sorry, but how could I

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Speaker 3: justify that? No one else in the situation will be

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Speaker 3: happy with that? The boys certainly don't understand why there

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Speaker 3: would be a reason for them to be treated differently

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Speaker 3: based on their parentage. My oldest has told me so explicitly,

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Speaker 3: in a moment that made me feel both proud of

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Speaker 3: him and ashamed of my own anger. Their mother and

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Speaker 3: her partner would be upset. Part of me doesn't care

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Speaker 3: and bitterly assumes they're just trying to get some free

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Speaker 3: time for themselves out of this. But I'm trying not

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Speaker 3: to dwell on that. My ex makes good arguments that

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Speaker 3: this isn't the best interest of all the children, but

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Speaker 3: part of me just remembers how long she lied to

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Speaker 3: me and how totally I trusted her in that time.

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Speaker 3: It seems like the only thing to do is the

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Speaker 3: same thing I've ever done, bock it up and get

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Speaker 3: over myself and my anger. No, no to therapy.

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Speaker 1: The thing to go israpy therapy. Oh and also, yeah,

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Speaker 1: if you really can't stay in this kid right now,

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Speaker 1: like say no, you should not be looking at through

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Speaker 1: him and you should make it clear that, like, I

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Speaker 1: have to work through my trauma before that trauma that

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Speaker 1: you kind of put on me.

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Speaker 3: But if I do that, then I have to actually

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Speaker 3: do that. Even if I'm being a responsible babysitter for

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Speaker 3: Max right now, he deserves to live in a home

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Speaker 3: where he has loved, not merely tolerated. Can I do that?

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Speaker 3: Maybe I can't do it. I'm scared of a path

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Speaker 3: forward where I can't work up the nerve to back

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Speaker 3: out of this arrangement and consign myself to getting over it.

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Speaker 3: And then I actually don't get over it, but rather

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Speaker 3: dwell ever angrier with how my life has turned out,

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Speaker 3: and take it out on the undeserving around me, And

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Speaker 3: there is.

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Speaker 1: An updates ever angry.

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Speaker 3: His writing style is very funny.

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Speaker 1: Very prosy. Yes, he's very eloquent.

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Speaker 3: I do think they owe him a certain amount of

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Speaker 3: money just for taking care of the kid who's not

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Speaker 3: it's just so like he can pay for activities for

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Speaker 3: the kid.

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Speaker 1: If it's not for like just a weekend. Yeah, yeah.

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Speaker 1: If it's going to be like a long term thing,

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Speaker 1: it's like there should be some kind of like, all right,

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Speaker 1: what's the child budget here? No?

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Speaker 3: I think there is a huge difference between asking op

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Speaker 3: to you know, once in a while have a sleepover

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Speaker 3: with the kids and stuff, because it's like, you know,

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Speaker 3: a friend coming over, but forever always having them, you know,

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Speaker 3: every like a couple times every week is a lot, but.

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Speaker 1: It is good for the brothers.

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Speaker 3: The brothers. No, I think one hope he needs to

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Speaker 3: go therapy because I feel like this is an issue

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Speaker 3: we've seen from the beginning of you know, when they

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Speaker 3: broke up, he was like, you have to terminate the baby,

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Speaker 3: even though like which felt like a very vindictive Obviously

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Speaker 3: he was in you know, a really hard, like bad

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Speaker 3: state of mind, but he said that he knew that

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Speaker 3: she wouldn't accept that.

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Speaker 1: So it's like, why didn't you just break up? Why

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Speaker 1: was that even Yeah, I don't think the relationship is

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Speaker 1: going to get better. Yeah, she terminated the pregnancy, and

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Speaker 1: then you still would have been.

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Speaker 3: You still wouldn't.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, very upset clearly.

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Speaker 3: So I honestly I think that he is in this

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Speaker 3: like really bad understandably but bad state of mind and

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Speaker 3: the fact that it has stayed that way for five years.

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Speaker 3: He definitely needs some outside help.

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Speaker 1: He's got a cut, is get to do cognitive reframing,

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Speaker 1: because the kid's not going away.

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Speaker 3: It's not gonna go away.

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Speaker 1: It just like move on because here forever. So you

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Speaker 1: got to reframe in your head how you think about it.

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Speaker 3: And there is an update, so let's get into it. Hey, everyone,

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Speaker 3: it's been a few weeks since you heard from me.

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Speaker 3: I guess I'm kind of in a spot to update now.

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Speaker 3: So my post got a lot of feedback and it

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Speaker 3: was pretty much unanimous. I heard from lots of people,

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Speaker 3: parents and sons and daughters in blended families, people have

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Speaker 3: been cheated on themselves, people who were MAX in their

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Speaker 3: own families, and you all told me what I should

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Speaker 3: have been able to admit myself that this was not normal,

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Speaker 3: that no one had ever heard of an arrangement like this.

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Speaker 3: I resolved to end their arrangement and met with my

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Speaker 3: ex wife and her partner to tell them a few

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Speaker 3: days after I posted, midway through their custody week. Many

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Speaker 3: people advised me to speak to my boys about it first,

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Speaker 3: like my ex did to me, but I wanted to

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Speaker 3: deliver the message before having to take MAX again. I

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Speaker 3: was thinking that it might be better to instead call

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Speaker 3: them out on the behavior and try to get them

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Speaker 3: to agree not to include the boys in that level

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Speaker 3: of discussion before me, and then we could all sit

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Speaker 3: down with the boys. Yeah, the meeting did not go well.

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Speaker 3: They were both pretty mad at me. I had tried

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Speaker 3: to prepare for it to be uncomfortable. I had told

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Speaker 3: myself just to be polite and firm that I didn't

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Speaker 3: know the many explanations beyond I'm sorry it's not working out,

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Speaker 3: which is what I said, excellent. True, I guess he

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Speaker 3: had made some career move based on this schedule that

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Speaker 3: I was effing up. In hindsight, I do feel sort

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Speaker 3: of responsible for that frustration, and that I regret agreeing

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Speaker 3: to this arrangement in the first place. But in the moment,

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Speaker 3: I really was not giving an f about this man's

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Speaker 3: work life balance. Okay, yeah, it's not your responsibility. He

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Speaker 3: should be able to care for his own son.

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Speaker 1: There's totally also other ways to make that work, besides

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Speaker 1: like only this one man, just take care.

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Speaker 3: Of our child literally, not your son.

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Speaker 1: And it's like the worst guy too, because he hated

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Speaker 1: your son.

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Speaker 3: Then he said something about how I wasn't being fair,

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Speaker 3: that they just wanted a fair custody agreement.

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Speaker 2: This is fair.

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Speaker 3: That made me very mad. Thinking about this all to

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Speaker 3: type it out has my heart hammering. I have some

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Speaker 3: different opinions on fairness. I said some pretty crappy, regrettable

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Speaker 3: things to both of them, and then we were all

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Speaker 3: screaming at each other for a while, and then I

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Speaker 3: stormed out and I didn't talk to the boys. I

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Speaker 3: didn't get to talk to my boys for several days

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Speaker 3: until the handoff. They immediately were asking about why Max

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Speaker 3: wasn't with them, and I prepared for it all the

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Speaker 3: more serious talk with them then I had up to

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Speaker 3: this point. I talked about how it's great that they

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Speaker 3: enjoy spending time with Max, but that i'm their father

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Speaker 3: and that Max has his own father to spend time with.

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Speaker 3: I also talked about how this whole spectacle of our

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Speaker 3: lives is difficult for me, that I don't like having

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Speaker 3: to spend only every other week with them, that their

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Speaker 3: mother's decision to start another family with Max's father and

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Speaker 3: Max still makes me sad. This is pretty awful, difficult

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Speaker 3: stuff to talk about. I've been pretty strict with myself

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Speaker 3: about not venting to my sons about their mother up

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Speaker 3: until now, but effectively that's meant I haven't really talked

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Speaker 3: about her or our breakup at all. You can't say

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Speaker 3: anything nice as they say.

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Speaker 1: I like that the kids have some level of insight

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Speaker 1: and to tell their dad is feeling. But also I

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Speaker 1: think it's very telling that he's like that means I

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Speaker 1: haven't talked about it with anybody.

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Speaker 3: Yes, you need keeping it all inside a therapist. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: I honestly think I'm really hoping that he gets a

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Speaker 3: therapist before, you know, he talks more.

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Speaker 1: To his kids.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, because it's it's good that he took some time

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Speaker 3: to figure out what he wanted to say to them,

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Speaker 3: and it doesn't seem like he's, you know, bashing the

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Speaker 3: wife or anything.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it was. It was It sounded pretty delicate.

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Speaker 3: Trying to maintain that respect for their mother and also

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Speaker 3: talk frankly about my own feelings is a difficult tightrope balance.

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Speaker 3: I don't want to blame their mother, but I also

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Speaker 3: don't want to not blame their mother, If you know

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Speaker 3: what I mean. This would be one of the situations

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Speaker 3: I identify as unfair, where the responsible thing is to

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Speaker 3: never say anything disparaging or poisonous to my sons about

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Speaker 3: their mother my ex but that means I have to

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Speaker 3: describe the current state of affairs and what has happened

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Speaker 3: to get here in a way that isn't disparaging to

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Speaker 3: their mother, and act like this is normal she decided.

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Speaker 3: I think I actually did a good job navigating the conversation.

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Speaker 3: My son's absorbed it easier than I expected a few

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Speaker 3: weeks later, and things with them are basically normal. I've

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Speaker 3: had a few short conversations with my ex since our

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Speaker 3: big embarrassing blow up. I sort of feel like I

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Speaker 3: want her to apologize for this whole thing, but also

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Speaker 3: note that I'm not doing myself any favors waiting for

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Speaker 3: that to happen. I think she remains upset with me

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Speaker 3: more for the things I said than the rejection of

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Speaker 3: this arrangement with Max. Or maybe that's just projection because

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Speaker 3: that's what I was feeling guilty for. I also regret

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Speaker 3: that the last time I spoke to Max was dropping

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Speaker 3: him off before ending the arrangement. I don't know. I

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Speaker 3: guess his mom has explained to him that she missed

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Speaker 3: him too much to have him gone each week, but

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Speaker 3: I don't know how sturdy that story will be. Rereading

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Speaker 3: my last post has me feeling pretty shameful about how

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Speaker 3: I talked about Max. I know he doesn't deserve my

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Speaker 3: sustained ire and that he's not going anywhere, so I'll

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Speaker 3: have to be able to adjust to his presence. I'm

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Speaker 3: obviously holding on to a lot of that is really

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Speaker 3: about my ex wife, but she isn't obligated to give

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Speaker 3: a crap about that, and I am obligated to interact

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Speaker 3: with her politely. So I guess that anger just got

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Speaker 3: set aside and then vented onto Max just because he

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Speaker 3: was there in my face. But that was my own fault. Okay,

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Speaker 3: Oh really super self aware? Yeah, but I would like

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Speaker 3: you guys to be aware that you can join us

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Speaker 3: live every weekday at three PMPST just to a her profile.

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Speaker 3: So I sort of expect things will pretty much return

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Speaker 3: to normal from your contact with my ex's Kurt right now.

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Speaker 3: But that'll loosen up thanks to almost everyone who commented

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Speaker 3: or reached out to me, and that is the end

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Speaker 3: of this story.

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Speaker 1: My partner became a better husband after his mom died.

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Speaker 1: I don't know if this is okay to say, and

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Speaker 1: I feel a very bad person saying this, so please

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00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:50,480
Speaker 1: don't judge me, But I think my late mother in

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00:14:50,560 --> 00:14:53,480
Speaker 1: law's death actually made my life better. It was not

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00:14:53,640 --> 00:14:56,040
Speaker 1: something that she was in like a toxic in law.

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Speaker 1: In fact, we were on good terms before her demise.

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00:14:59,680 --> 00:15:04,239
Speaker 1: It's the events that followed after that. This is intriguing.

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Speaker 1: And this intriguing story comes from throw r A nine

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Speaker 1: oh nine eight nine to zero on the r slash

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Speaker 1: Okay storytime sub read it so for some context. When

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Speaker 1: I was in my junior year of college, I met

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Speaker 1: my husband A we're gonna call him Alan. At first,

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Speaker 1: I did not like Alan due to his laid back

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Speaker 1: attitude and casual demeanor regarding important matters, since it was

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Speaker 1: very contrary to my uptight nature, and thus I rejected

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Speaker 1: him when he confessed to me. To my surprise, he

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Speaker 1: took the rejection quite well and said we only live

350
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Speaker 1: once and it doesn't matter if I reject him that

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Speaker 1: he wanted to say it to me. To be honest,

352
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Speaker 1: I actually liked this whatever. But I guess this is

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Speaker 1: where I started getting attracted to his free spirit and

354
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Speaker 1: jovial nature of He was.

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Speaker 3: Like, yeah, he's talking to me, and I was like, okay,

356
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Speaker 3: He's like okay.

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Speaker 1: I guess yeah, he's like whatever. But then I was like, oh.

358
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Speaker 1: We soon became came friends, and he once again jokingly

359
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Speaker 1: asked me out. This time I said yes, since I

360
00:16:05,840 --> 00:16:08,600
Speaker 1: was quite attracted to him by his charm and nature.

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Speaker 3: Is it a joke? If if he asks you out and.

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Speaker 1: You say say yes? Is the relationship? This is the

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00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:16,240
Speaker 1: whole twist? Is gonna be the It was a joke.

364
00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:19,280
Speaker 1: Your mother in law dying was a joke. Where's this?

365
00:16:19,280 --> 00:16:21,720
Speaker 1: This is I'm excited to see where this goes. Things

366
00:16:21,720 --> 00:16:23,840
Speaker 1: took a hit when we graduated and he did not

367
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Speaker 1: get a job. We decided to move in together since

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Speaker 1: I made enough money from my job, and then he

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Speaker 1: could live with me and take the role of stay

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Speaker 1: at home husband until he got a job. We got

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Speaker 1: married boy soon enough, and there I saw his mother

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Speaker 1: for the first time. He did not have a great

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Speaker 1: relationship with his mother, and thus they do not speak

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Speaker 1: to each other. The wedding was the first time I

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Speaker 1: actually saw her. I had met his father previously, but

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Speaker 1: I'd never met her. She seemed pleasant enough, and she

377
00:16:52,840 --> 00:16:55,960
Speaker 1: actually told me that Alan really hit a jackpot by

378
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Speaker 1: marrying me. I saw that during the entire event, Alan

379
00:16:59,560 --> 00:17:03,000
Speaker 1: only made dry convos with mother in law and nothing

380
00:17:03,040 --> 00:17:06,719
Speaker 1: as compared to father in law. Later after the wedding,

381
00:17:07,080 --> 00:17:09,600
Speaker 1: I asked the reason for such treatment and he said

382
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Speaker 1: it was because their personalities always clashed and she did

383
00:17:12,720 --> 00:17:15,760
Speaker 1: not support his lifestyle. I seemed confused, but I let

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Speaker 1: it go.

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Speaker 3: I was like, you don't have you don't work, and

386
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Speaker 3: he's like, stop it, mom, I'm a stay at home boy.

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Speaker 1: I got cake, I got you don't know about that cake,

388
00:17:24,720 --> 00:17:30,240
Speaker 1: I got dragging around. I served all right, continuing on.

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Speaker 1: Soon after, I got a big promotion and my working

390
00:17:33,600 --> 00:17:37,399
Speaker 1: hours became much more hectic. Alan, as usual, was very

391
00:17:37,440 --> 00:17:40,840
Speaker 1: casual in housework and just played video games the whole

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00:17:40,880 --> 00:17:45,080
Speaker 1: day or spent time out. We had very serious discussions, fights,

393
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Speaker 1: and the result was the same, him saying he will

394
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Speaker 1: do better, but he never did.

395
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Speaker 3: He's not doing anything.

396
00:17:52,240 --> 00:17:57,959
Speaker 1: He's literally providing nothing but the booty. I soon became frustrated,

397
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Speaker 1: as I thought I was raised as a man child.

398
00:18:00,880 --> 00:18:04,240
Speaker 1: You thought, no, you are correct. During this time, I

399
00:18:04,320 --> 00:18:10,280
Speaker 1: developed feelings for coworker Jay WHOA We're gonna call him Jerome,

400
00:18:10,760 --> 00:18:15,200
Speaker 1: Jerome coworker Jerome. He was everything I felt my ideal

401
00:18:15,280 --> 00:18:19,160
Speaker 1: type was. Soon Jerome and I began spending much more

402
00:18:19,200 --> 00:18:22,960
Speaker 1: time together, and I started fantasizing about Jerome even when

403
00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:25,760
Speaker 1: I was with Alan. Soon enough, Jerome and I started

404
00:18:25,800 --> 00:18:26,879
Speaker 1: an emotional affair.

405
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Speaker 3: Just kick Alan out, say Alan, I you suck. I

406
00:18:30,560 --> 00:18:32,840
Speaker 3: don't want to be your girlfriend anymore. You can't be

407
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Speaker 3: my stay at home boyfriend.

408
00:18:33,960 --> 00:18:37,240
Speaker 1: You can't play with call of duty all day and

409
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Speaker 1: then not sweep the floor.

410
00:18:40,640 --> 00:18:43,959
Speaker 3: Alan, you've got a call to some household.

411
00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:47,719
Speaker 1: Get us get a job, Allan, literally, but you're both graduates.

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00:18:47,840 --> 00:18:50,320
Speaker 3: But you can't do that. You can't do that. You

413
00:18:51,040 --> 00:18:52,919
Speaker 3: have to end your relationship with Alan.

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00:18:53,320 --> 00:18:56,720
Speaker 1: During this time, Alan and I started becoming more distant.

415
00:18:56,880 --> 00:18:59,359
Speaker 1: Jerome asked to take this to the next level, but

416
00:18:59,480 --> 00:19:03,320
Speaker 1: I felt wrong cheating physically too, so I thought I

417
00:19:03,320 --> 00:19:07,720
Speaker 1: would divorce Allan first. I sat down Allan that day

418
00:19:07,800 --> 00:19:10,000
Speaker 1: and said I was not in love with him anymore

419
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Speaker 1: and there was somebody else, so I wanted a divorce.

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Speaker 3: Damn, Okay, okay.

421
00:19:16,160 --> 00:19:19,080
Speaker 1: To my surprise, he said, that's fine, man, that I

422
00:19:19,160 --> 00:19:21,960
Speaker 1: reminded him too much of a teacher and that we

423
00:19:21,960 --> 00:19:23,359
Speaker 1: were not compatible.

424
00:19:23,440 --> 00:19:25,240
Speaker 3: What is this relationship?

425
00:19:25,440 --> 00:19:27,720
Speaker 1: Alan could not care.

426
00:19:27,880 --> 00:19:29,840
Speaker 3: He's like, I actually asked you that as a joke.

427
00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:32,920
Speaker 1: He's like, that's fine. Remember this was all a joke.

428
00:19:33,080 --> 00:19:39,000
Speaker 1: So this shocked ope, right, even though I thought I

429
00:19:39,119 --> 00:19:42,320
Speaker 1: was emotionally checked out to see what a blunder I

430
00:19:42,320 --> 00:19:47,000
Speaker 1: had made by dating Allan. Just after a week, Alan's

431
00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:50,600
Speaker 1: mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer and was taken to

432
00:19:50,720 --> 00:19:54,560
Speaker 1: emergency care. Father in law informed Alan, and to be honest,

433
00:19:54,640 --> 00:19:57,560
Speaker 1: it was the first time I saw Alan actually worried

434
00:19:57,720 --> 00:19:59,960
Speaker 1: and scared about something. Well, yeah, if it's gonna be

435
00:20:00,080 --> 00:20:05,080
Speaker 1: anything that snaps you out of complacency, it's gonna be apparent. Yeah,

436
00:20:05,240 --> 00:20:08,600
Speaker 1: terminal cancer. It's horrible. Alan begged me to accompany him

437
00:20:08,640 --> 00:20:11,240
Speaker 1: to the hospital and we both went to see his mother.

438
00:20:11,520 --> 00:20:14,600
Speaker 1: Soon enough, after we saw her, we came back and

439
00:20:14,680 --> 00:20:18,360
Speaker 1: Alan asked for four months of time before the divorce

440
00:20:18,520 --> 00:20:20,240
Speaker 1: so he could have me close by for support in

441
00:20:20,280 --> 00:20:24,200
Speaker 1: this difficult time. He sincerely asked me to stay with

442
00:20:24,280 --> 00:20:26,439
Speaker 1: him for these four months and said he would not

443
00:20:26,520 --> 00:20:30,160
Speaker 1: interfere in my relationship, so I accepted. During those days,

444
00:20:30,160 --> 00:20:32,919
Speaker 1: I saw Alan frequently visiting his mother, and that was

445
00:20:32,960 --> 00:20:36,960
Speaker 1: completely out of character for him. After his mother passed away,

446
00:20:37,080 --> 00:20:40,719
Speaker 1: soon after, Alan and his father organized a funeral and

447
00:20:40,800 --> 00:20:44,080
Speaker 1: the same night it was. Alan came over to me

448
00:20:44,160 --> 00:20:46,760
Speaker 1: and asked for a hug. I felt pity and hugged him,

449
00:20:46,800 --> 00:20:49,919
Speaker 1: and he started crying very badly, saying, if he had

450
00:20:49,920 --> 00:20:51,800
Speaker 1: not been such an idiot, he could have spent more

451
00:20:51,800 --> 00:20:54,760
Speaker 1: time with his mother and such. In fact, he just

452
00:20:54,880 --> 00:20:56,040
Speaker 1: cried himself to sleep.

453
00:20:56,200 --> 00:21:00,000
Speaker 3: Props ape for you know, comforting her divorced husband.

454
00:21:00,440 --> 00:21:02,720
Speaker 1: The next day, when I woke up, I saw Alan

455
00:21:02,800 --> 00:21:05,639
Speaker 1: making breakfast. He was watching a YouTube video trying to

456
00:21:05,640 --> 00:21:08,720
Speaker 1: make me scrambled eggs. You have to watch a YouTube.

457
00:21:08,560 --> 00:21:11,240
Speaker 3: Video for school. I know how to do anything. Oh no, Alan,

458
00:21:11,320 --> 00:21:12,040
Speaker 3: oh Alan.

459
00:21:12,240 --> 00:21:15,560
Speaker 1: I was surprised and asked him what was he trying

460
00:21:15,600 --> 00:21:17,719
Speaker 1: to do. He explained to me that his mother and

461
00:21:17,800 --> 00:21:20,960
Speaker 1: him always clashed about his nonchalant behavior, and soon their

462
00:21:20,960 --> 00:21:23,560
Speaker 1: communication got so bad that they stopped talking altogether. And

463
00:21:23,680 --> 00:21:25,520
Speaker 1: in his heart, he always wanted to make up for

464
00:21:25,560 --> 00:21:27,840
Speaker 1: the lost time, but he was too arrogant. During these

465
00:21:27,920 --> 00:21:30,919
Speaker 1: last few weeks, he finally put aside his ego and

466
00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:33,040
Speaker 1: he had a mature talk with his mother. He finally,

467
00:21:33,160 --> 00:21:35,560
Speaker 1: he felt really relieved to talk to her again and

468
00:21:35,600 --> 00:21:38,760
Speaker 1: apologize for being an idiot. Even she apologized as she

469
00:21:38,840 --> 00:21:41,119
Speaker 1: did not act as a rational adult, and she passed

470
00:21:41,160 --> 00:21:43,720
Speaker 1: away in peace. He said to me that with all

471
00:21:43,760 --> 00:21:46,280
Speaker 1: of this, he does not want to repeat what he

472
00:21:46,359 --> 00:21:49,639
Speaker 1: did with his mother with me, and says that until

473
00:21:49,680 --> 00:21:52,760
Speaker 1: our due date I assume the due date of the divorce,

474
00:21:53,240 --> 00:21:56,280
Speaker 1: he is planning on enjoying each moment to the fullest

475
00:21:56,320 --> 00:21:59,000
Speaker 1: with me, and it was time to get his life

476
00:21:59,040 --> 00:22:02,840
Speaker 1: on track. I told him I don't have those feelings

477
00:22:02,840 --> 00:22:06,040
Speaker 1: towards him anymore, which is fair, and Alan just said,

478
00:22:06,119 --> 00:22:08,680
Speaker 1: no problem. We can still talk it away as ex

479
00:22:08,720 --> 00:22:11,280
Speaker 1: partners and then we can pardon peace. I think this

480
00:22:11,359 --> 00:22:13,560
Speaker 1: is where we're we're starting to get into. So my

481
00:22:13,640 --> 00:22:15,840
Speaker 1: mother in law died and everything in my life got better.

482
00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:20,520
Speaker 1: Your ex husband woke up from his you know, teenage stupor.

483
00:22:20,760 --> 00:22:23,720
Speaker 1: With all of this, Alan actually became much more attentive

484
00:22:23,760 --> 00:22:25,960
Speaker 1: towards me. He looked over me, cleaned the house, cooked

485
00:22:26,000 --> 00:22:28,000
Speaker 1: meals for me, gave me flowers, spent time with me.

486
00:22:28,480 --> 00:22:31,359
Speaker 1: At first, it took him a while since he was

487
00:22:31,400 --> 00:22:33,639
Speaker 1: new to all this, but seeing him try made me

488
00:22:33,680 --> 00:22:36,600
Speaker 1: help him more. During this time, my talks with Jerome

489
00:22:36,840 --> 00:22:40,960
Speaker 1: became much more infrequent. At the funeral, and soon Alan

490
00:22:41,040 --> 00:22:45,640
Speaker 1: and I slept together before one month of our divorce date.

491
00:22:46,119 --> 00:22:49,400
Speaker 1: It felt nice and to be honest. During this time,

492
00:22:49,480 --> 00:22:53,640
Speaker 1: I also saw Alan becoming more mature and confident about himself.

493
00:22:53,680 --> 00:22:55,560
Speaker 1: He even got a job in the same field, isn't he.

494
00:22:55,560 --> 00:22:58,840
Speaker 1: I gotta got a job soon. My affair with Jerome

495
00:22:58,960 --> 00:23:03,800
Speaker 1: ended and I reject did divorce with Alan and not

496
00:23:04,240 --> 00:23:08,040
Speaker 1: tuning in every weekday at three pm on YouTube.

497
00:23:08,440 --> 00:23:10,280
Speaker 2: Just tap our profile.

498
00:23:09,920 --> 00:23:13,320
Speaker 1: Let's join that live. Drum's gone out and Alan already

499
00:23:13,359 --> 00:23:15,439
Speaker 1: knew about drums, so I guess that's you know.

500
00:23:15,640 --> 00:23:17,639
Speaker 3: I mean, obviously she had an emotional affair, which is

501
00:23:17,680 --> 00:23:21,560
Speaker 3: never okay, but she immediately told Alan about it, and

502
00:23:21,640 --> 00:23:24,160
Speaker 3: Alan kind of knew when they when they were trying

503
00:23:24,200 --> 00:23:26,080
Speaker 3: to start to sing it together, and he still wanted

504
00:23:26,080 --> 00:23:26,360
Speaker 3: to do.

505
00:23:26,359 --> 00:23:27,880
Speaker 1: It nonchalant about it.

506
00:23:28,080 --> 00:23:36,040
Speaker 4: Now it's been sixteen years since we jumped, Okay, both

507
00:23:36,160 --> 00:23:39,360
Speaker 4: Alan and I have had some pretty great moments, and

508
00:23:39,440 --> 00:23:44,639
Speaker 4: we have two strong boys, third and eleven, and Alan

509
00:23:44,720 --> 00:23:47,520
Speaker 4: has been managing his job raising the boys and at

510
00:23:47,560 --> 00:23:50,920
Speaker 4: the same time keeping the spark between us alive, all

511
00:23:50,960 --> 00:23:54,439
Speaker 4: by himself pretty impressively, which would have been impossible for

512
00:23:54,560 --> 00:23:55,679
Speaker 4: his former self.

513
00:23:56,040 --> 00:23:58,520
Speaker 1: Till this date. I still sometimes think that my late

514
00:23:58,600 --> 00:24:02,640
Speaker 1: mother in law's death actually saved my marriage. Tragic terminal

515
00:24:02,680 --> 00:24:07,720
Speaker 1: illness definitely cool. I am awake, yes, oh my goodness.

516
00:24:07,359 --> 00:24:09,440
Speaker 3: And it's yeah, it seems like well. I think also

517
00:24:09,840 --> 00:24:13,080
Speaker 3: specifically because he had a conversation with his like his

518
00:24:13,160 --> 00:24:18,360
Speaker 3: mom was mad about him not you know, not stepping

519
00:24:18,440 --> 00:24:20,239
Speaker 3: up and not getting a job and stuff, and so

520
00:24:20,680 --> 00:24:21,840
Speaker 3: with her loss, I.

521
00:24:21,760 --> 00:24:23,520
Speaker 1: Think he was like, I need to do it forever

522
00:24:23,640 --> 00:24:29,280
Speaker 1: for her, yeah, and for me yeah, and for ope yeah,

523
00:24:28,440 --> 00:24:30,480
Speaker 1: And he did and he did.

524
00:24:31,240 --> 00:24:34,480
Speaker 3: I am banning my sister from my wedding because she's

525
00:24:34,520 --> 00:24:38,679
Speaker 3: the most selfish person I've ever met. Alrighty, So, a

526
00:24:38,800 --> 00:24:42,360
Speaker 3: year and a half ago, I thirty females started dating Leon,

527
00:24:42,720 --> 00:24:45,280
Speaker 3: twenty eight male. He has been on the outskirts of

528
00:24:45,320 --> 00:24:47,840
Speaker 3: all my friend groups for the past fifteen years. I've

529
00:24:47,840 --> 00:24:50,520
Speaker 3: always noticed him. A few years ago we went on

530
00:24:50,560 --> 00:24:53,240
Speaker 3: a few dates, but ultimately we went our separate ways

531
00:24:53,359 --> 00:24:55,960
Speaker 3: since we both felt like we weren't ready. We both

532
00:24:55,960 --> 00:24:58,600
Speaker 3: had just gone through some really bad breakups. Then a

533
00:24:58,640 --> 00:25:01,480
Speaker 3: year and a half ago, we met on bumble.

534
00:25:01,920 --> 00:25:03,080
Speaker 1: Oh by the.

535
00:25:03,080 --> 00:25:06,760
Speaker 3: Way, this comes from awkward TRTL on the Arslashok story

536
00:25:06,760 --> 00:25:08,960
Speaker 3: time suppared it I knew from our first hug that

537
00:25:09,080 --> 00:25:12,240
Speaker 3: he was the one from me. It felt like coming

538
00:25:12,240 --> 00:25:15,400
Speaker 3: home after being on a long trip. We're so similar

539
00:25:15,440 --> 00:25:18,360
Speaker 3: and became close quickly. We like to say, two bodies,

540
00:25:18,400 --> 00:25:21,520
Speaker 3: one brain cell. Oh boy, he always matches my silly,

541
00:25:21,560 --> 00:25:24,679
Speaker 3: goofy energy. There's nothing we haven't been able to talk about.

542
00:25:24,920 --> 00:25:28,200
Speaker 3: He's the most kind hearted and understanding person I've ever met.

543
00:25:28,280 --> 00:25:30,520
Speaker 3: A couple of weeks ago, we got a hotel room

544
00:25:30,560 --> 00:25:32,840
Speaker 3: at my favorite place for the weekend. It has a

545
00:25:32,880 --> 00:25:35,680
Speaker 3: restaurant with a few bars, a movie theater with couches,

546
00:25:35,760 --> 00:25:38,800
Speaker 3: a soaking pool, and a building with hidden rooms that

547
00:25:38,880 --> 00:25:40,439
Speaker 3: have art installations in them.

548
00:25:40,520 --> 00:25:43,159
Speaker 1: Chat, can you tell us where the hell this person

549
00:25:43,240 --> 00:25:46,200
Speaker 1: is from? Just to call it a soaking pool?

550
00:25:46,240 --> 00:25:46,879
Speaker 3: Soaking pool?

551
00:25:46,960 --> 00:25:47,600
Speaker 1: What the hell?

552
00:25:47,800 --> 00:25:51,480
Speaker 3: Leon got there early to decorate the room with real roses.

553
00:25:51,840 --> 00:25:55,200
Speaker 3: Good guy. There was a bottle of champagne chocolates, lavender

554
00:25:55,280 --> 00:25:59,880
Speaker 3: massage oil, and champagne flutes lowerks. No one has ever

555
00:26:00,119 --> 00:26:03,240
Speaker 3: done anything that romantic for me. He looked very nervous.

556
00:26:03,359 --> 00:26:06,920
Speaker 3: He kept telling me very sweet, loving things, then got

557
00:26:06,960 --> 00:26:10,800
Speaker 3: on one knee and proposed to me. Oh my god,

558
00:26:11,240 --> 00:26:15,000
Speaker 3: I of course said whatever, no, yes, yes, I of

559
00:26:15,040 --> 00:26:18,000
Speaker 3: course said where's the camera. This is a joke, right,

560
00:26:18,240 --> 00:26:21,200
Speaker 3: you're on pranked. We spent the weekend doting on each other.

561
00:26:21,359 --> 00:26:23,920
Speaker 3: We were pretty much screaming from the rooftop that we

562
00:26:23,920 --> 00:26:27,920
Speaker 3: were engaged. He treated me to anything and everything I wanted.

563
00:26:28,200 --> 00:26:29,880
Speaker 3: This is too good, this is going too well.

564
00:26:29,960 --> 00:26:32,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, where's the horrific towist?

565
00:26:32,720 --> 00:26:35,640
Speaker 3: We got room service for the restaurant for breakfast, lunch,

566
00:26:35,720 --> 00:26:38,080
Speaker 3: and dinner. We went and saw Beetlejuice two since I

567
00:26:38,119 --> 00:26:40,840
Speaker 3: really wanted to see it. Okay, so this just just happened.

568
00:26:40,920 --> 00:26:43,480
Speaker 3: We went and found all the hidden rooms and had

569
00:26:43,560 --> 00:26:45,880
Speaker 3: so much fun looking at all the art. We went

570
00:26:45,920 --> 00:26:48,320
Speaker 3: and soaked in the pool as well. We got a

571
00:26:48,320 --> 00:26:51,720
Speaker 3: bottle of the hotel's housemade whiskey. We began discussing where

572
00:26:51,760 --> 00:26:53,840
Speaker 3: we wanted to get married and when and who we

573
00:26:53,880 --> 00:26:56,520
Speaker 3: wanted there. We decided that we wanted to elope to

574
00:26:56,560 --> 00:26:59,760
Speaker 3: my hometown in spring twenty twenty six. We wanted to

575
00:26:59,800 --> 00:27:02,280
Speaker 3: have a small reception in my hometown and a reception

576
00:27:02,320 --> 00:27:05,959
Speaker 3: where we live now. After straining both our brains as

577
00:27:06,000 --> 00:27:07,800
Speaker 3: hard as we could, we came up with a list

578
00:27:07,840 --> 00:27:11,000
Speaker 3: of eighty people at both places, but there was one

579
00:27:11,119 --> 00:27:16,080
Speaker 3: person we immediately thought of that we do not want there.

580
00:27:16,400 --> 00:27:20,200
Speaker 3: My sister, Kate's Mkate thirty nine female is the most

581
00:27:20,240 --> 00:27:24,200
Speaker 3: disdainful person I have ever had the displeasure of having

582
00:27:24,240 --> 00:27:26,360
Speaker 3: to be around. We have never really had a good

583
00:27:26,359 --> 00:27:28,880
Speaker 3: relationship growing up. I chalked it up to just there

584
00:27:28,920 --> 00:27:31,840
Speaker 3: being such a huge age gap for a while, but

585
00:27:31,960 --> 00:27:34,439
Speaker 3: since becoming an adult and cautiously trying to have a

586
00:27:34,480 --> 00:27:38,480
Speaker 3: relationship with her, I have witnessed firsthand just how despicable

587
00:27:38,560 --> 00:27:41,399
Speaker 3: her actions can be. Kate is known for always having

588
00:27:41,440 --> 00:27:44,159
Speaker 3: some sort of drama going on and for talking behind

589
00:27:44,160 --> 00:27:46,880
Speaker 3: people's backs. So when I was nineteen, I went in

590
00:27:47,000 --> 00:27:49,480
Speaker 3: knowing this information and just really wanting to have a

591
00:27:49,520 --> 00:27:52,840
Speaker 3: sisterly relationship with her, but was hesitant. I was going

592
00:27:52,840 --> 00:27:55,240
Speaker 3: through a rough time. I was homeless and in a

593
00:27:55,280 --> 00:27:58,320
Speaker 3: really bad relationship. She seemed nice enough to my face,

594
00:27:58,440 --> 00:28:00,879
Speaker 3: but still wouldn't really help me when I asked for

595
00:28:00,920 --> 00:28:03,760
Speaker 3: her help. I was honestly in a very dangerous situation.

596
00:28:03,960 --> 00:28:06,119
Speaker 3: She even went as far to tell my family that

597
00:28:06,160 --> 00:28:09,720
Speaker 3: I must be on hard substances because I was very

598
00:28:09,880 --> 00:28:13,119
Speaker 3: sickly looking. Oh my god, I was very underweight and

599
00:28:13,160 --> 00:28:15,520
Speaker 3: now nourished. I was trying so hard to get off

600
00:28:15,560 --> 00:28:18,080
Speaker 3: the streets. I was working, but my work schedule was

601
00:28:18,119 --> 00:28:20,919
Speaker 3: in conflict with my free church meal times. Oh he

602
00:28:21,040 --> 00:28:25,000
Speaker 3: is homeless right now and her sister is and just

603
00:28:25,160 --> 00:28:28,200
Speaker 3: help bagging her. Yeah to the family, why is none

604
00:28:28,240 --> 00:28:28,760
Speaker 3: of the family.

605
00:28:29,040 --> 00:28:31,240
Speaker 1: I don't think it's from the homelessness. I think it's

606
00:28:31,280 --> 00:28:33,560
Speaker 1: because she's addicted to narcotics.

607
00:28:33,720 --> 00:28:35,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, and to not how many.

608
00:28:36,040 --> 00:28:38,400
Speaker 1: It just helped me? Maybe please literally just help her.

609
00:28:38,640 --> 00:28:40,520
Speaker 3: So I didn't get to eat very often other than

610
00:28:40,560 --> 00:28:42,680
Speaker 3: when I begged my mom to feed me. I didn't

611
00:28:42,720 --> 00:28:45,000
Speaker 3: have the means to cook anything either. My boyfriend at

612
00:28:45,000 --> 00:28:47,480
Speaker 3: the time also at all the control of everything I did.

613
00:28:47,600 --> 00:28:49,880
Speaker 3: My mom ultimately did step in and help me out

614
00:28:49,880 --> 00:28:52,280
Speaker 3: of my predicament. Together, we managed to get rid of

615
00:28:52,280 --> 00:28:54,480
Speaker 3: my ex and move me into my own home. But

616
00:28:54,640 --> 00:28:56,840
Speaker 3: after how Kate treated me at that time, I was

617
00:28:56,880 --> 00:28:59,520
Speaker 3: not amused. Needless to say, I went low contact with

618
00:28:59,600 --> 00:29:03,320
Speaker 3: Kate that I yeah, make that no fair. Not only

619
00:29:03,360 --> 00:29:05,120
Speaker 3: did she not help me, but she was trying to

620
00:29:05,160 --> 00:29:08,600
Speaker 3: turn our own family against me when I desperately needed help.

621
00:29:08,640 --> 00:29:11,640
Speaker 3: I would only see Kate at of family dinners and holidays.

622
00:29:11,680 --> 00:29:13,480
Speaker 3: And there is more to the story, but really quick.

623
00:29:13,880 --> 00:29:17,120
Speaker 3: I'm wondering if the reason it kind of took so

624
00:29:17,240 --> 00:29:19,880
Speaker 3: long for Opie's mom to step in and help her

625
00:29:20,000 --> 00:29:22,120
Speaker 3: was because of what her sister was saying about her.

626
00:29:22,320 --> 00:29:22,520
Speaker 2: Yeah.

627
00:29:22,560 --> 00:29:24,560
Speaker 1: I mean maybe they were. Because there's a lot of

628
00:29:24,640 --> 00:29:28,360
Speaker 1: like people can get really crazy about people that they

629
00:29:28,400 --> 00:29:30,840
Speaker 1: should really just be caring about, Yeah, and trying to

630
00:29:30,920 --> 00:29:34,680
Speaker 1: help when certain things get in substance abuse and all

631
00:29:34,720 --> 00:29:36,520
Speaker 1: this kind of stuff. And it also sounds like, yeah,

632
00:29:36,560 --> 00:29:37,520
Speaker 1: your older sister was.

633
00:29:37,680 --> 00:29:40,560
Speaker 3: Just actively lying about the eyes into.

634
00:29:40,440 --> 00:29:42,560
Speaker 1: The family to try to make you look bad.

635
00:29:42,720 --> 00:29:45,200
Speaker 3: Yeah, not good at all. Four years down the line

636
00:29:45,240 --> 00:29:48,400
Speaker 3: after this, Kate started getting into the festival culture. She

637
00:29:48,520 --> 00:29:51,320
Speaker 3: remembered I was at some point into going to festivals.

638
00:29:51,600 --> 00:29:53,960
Speaker 3: I hadn't really been interested in them since I was

639
00:29:53,960 --> 00:29:56,520
Speaker 3: a teenager. She kept trying to relate to me, using

640
00:29:56,560 --> 00:29:58,600
Speaker 3: this as a bridge. I made it clear that I

641
00:29:58,640 --> 00:30:01,320
Speaker 3: wasn't really interested in festival anymore, but I thought it

642
00:30:01,360 --> 00:30:03,880
Speaker 3: was cool that she was. She kind of dug herself

643
00:30:03,920 --> 00:30:07,160
Speaker 3: a hole with it. She was trying really hard to

644
00:30:07,320 --> 00:30:10,160
Speaker 3: connect with me, telling me all about festivals and asking

645
00:30:10,200 --> 00:30:12,280
Speaker 3: me if I was going to this or that festival.

646
00:30:12,440 --> 00:30:14,719
Speaker 3: She would not take a hint. When I would blatantly

647
00:30:14,800 --> 00:30:17,040
Speaker 3: tell her I really don't like that stuff anymore, then

648
00:30:17,040 --> 00:30:19,400
Speaker 3: I would change the topic to something I actually do like,

649
00:30:19,600 --> 00:30:23,720
Speaker 3: she would steamroll me and continue on and on about festivals.

650
00:30:23,840 --> 00:30:26,080
Speaker 3: It felt like when an absent parent comes back after

651
00:30:26,120 --> 00:30:28,120
Speaker 3: not being there and gives a teenager with an easy

652
00:30:28,160 --> 00:30:31,920
Speaker 3: bake oven. I loved easy bake as a kid. Probably

653
00:30:32,000 --> 00:30:35,920
Speaker 3: was like raw food, but I began to ignore this.

654
00:30:36,160 --> 00:30:39,320
Speaker 3: She still does this till this day. Here is a

655
00:30:39,400 --> 00:30:41,880
Speaker 3: quick list of other things she has done, because honestly,

656
00:30:42,200 --> 00:30:45,720
Speaker 3: I am already just exasperated. She asked me to buy

657
00:30:45,880 --> 00:30:47,800
Speaker 3: HBO Max for her so she could watch it on

658
00:30:47,840 --> 00:30:50,280
Speaker 3: my birthday, after ghosting our plans we had made for

659
00:30:50,360 --> 00:30:50,960
Speaker 3: my birthday.

660
00:30:51,120 --> 00:30:53,000
Speaker 1: What that's crazy?

661
00:30:53,040 --> 00:30:57,200
Speaker 3: What waiting for her? And she's like, Hey, I can't

662
00:30:57,200 --> 00:31:01,000
Speaker 3: come to your your thing because I need to watch

663
00:31:01,040 --> 00:31:03,160
Speaker 3: a show, But also can you give me access to

664
00:31:03,600 --> 00:31:05,640
Speaker 3: two HBO or she will find a way to make

665
00:31:05,680 --> 00:31:09,120
Speaker 3: everything about her only really talks to me if she

666
00:31:09,160 --> 00:31:11,600
Speaker 3: needs something from me. She's always expecting me to be

667
00:31:11,640 --> 00:31:13,600
Speaker 3: there for her when she isn't there for me. She's

668
00:31:13,640 --> 00:31:16,560
Speaker 3: expect She expected my brothers and I to have separate

669
00:31:16,640 --> 00:31:18,720
Speaker 3: family dinners after she had a falling out with my

670
00:31:18,760 --> 00:31:21,320
Speaker 3: mom seventy six, She came over to my house after

671
00:31:21,360 --> 00:31:24,320
Speaker 3: I got surgery to be supportive and talking about herself

672
00:31:24,320 --> 00:31:27,760
Speaker 3: for hours, Like, seriously, this was the conversation, Kate, Oh

673
00:31:27,800 --> 00:31:30,080
Speaker 3: my gosh, how are you feeling me? You know, I'm

674
00:31:30,120 --> 00:31:32,800
Speaker 3: actually feeling a lot better than I did before. But Kate,

675
00:31:33,000 --> 00:31:34,840
Speaker 3: that's so great. Anyways, I just got one of my

676
00:31:35,000 --> 00:31:38,840
Speaker 3: dream jobs. Me literally doesn't get to say another word

677
00:31:38,880 --> 00:31:41,800
Speaker 3: for hours until she's leaving and saying goodbye.

678
00:31:42,000 --> 00:31:43,880
Speaker 1: The most annoying conversations.

679
00:31:44,120 --> 00:31:45,920
Speaker 3: I don't want to hear about you for hours. But

680
00:31:46,120 --> 00:31:49,520
Speaker 3: what really broke the camel's back was a year ago

681
00:31:49,640 --> 00:31:51,960
Speaker 3: when my mom had a stroke. My siblings and I

682
00:31:52,000 --> 00:31:54,760
Speaker 3: were so concerned because we honestly couldn't get much information

683
00:31:55,320 --> 00:31:57,959
Speaker 3: because she was out of state visiting other family members.

684
00:31:58,120 --> 00:32:00,880
Speaker 3: We finally figured out which hospital she was at and

685
00:32:00,920 --> 00:32:03,120
Speaker 3: that she was going to recover. The nurse said she

686
00:32:03,160 --> 00:32:05,760
Speaker 3: will have her call us when she recovered from surgery.

687
00:32:06,080 --> 00:32:08,760
Speaker 3: All of us anxiously sat on the couch my mom's

688
00:32:08,800 --> 00:32:12,160
Speaker 3: house waiting for the call. Finally, at almost nine at night,

689
00:32:12,240 --> 00:32:14,360
Speaker 3: we get a call from her. My brothers and I

690
00:32:14,400 --> 00:32:17,280
Speaker 3: are immediately asking if she's doing all right and telling

691
00:32:17,320 --> 00:32:19,160
Speaker 3: her we love her and hope she's going to be

692
00:32:19,240 --> 00:32:22,080
Speaker 3: all right. Tell me why. The first thing out of

693
00:32:22,160 --> 00:32:25,520
Speaker 3: Kate's mouth was, and I quote, how's the will.

694
00:32:25,920 --> 00:32:27,760
Speaker 1: I'll tell you why. I'll tell you why. I'll tell

695
00:32:27,760 --> 00:32:30,560
Speaker 1: you why right now. She sucks.

696
00:32:30,600 --> 00:32:33,280
Speaker 3: Sucks, she sucks. She's not in that will. You're not

697
00:32:33,360 --> 00:32:35,240
Speaker 3: in that will. I hope to god you're not in

698
00:32:35,240 --> 00:32:35,600
Speaker 3: that will.

699
00:32:35,640 --> 00:32:38,160
Speaker 1: She'd better not be. The will should say you suck.

700
00:32:38,440 --> 00:32:42,080
Speaker 3: All of us were floored. My jaw hit the floor,

701
00:32:42,320 --> 00:32:45,120
Speaker 3: but she then proceeded to keep asking about her will.

702
00:32:45,480 --> 00:32:47,600
Speaker 3: Once the shock wore off, my brothers and I cut

703
00:32:47,640 --> 00:32:49,520
Speaker 3: her off and continue to ask her how she was

704
00:32:49,560 --> 00:32:52,680
Speaker 3: holding up, letting my mom know how worried we were,

705
00:32:52,880 --> 00:32:55,600
Speaker 3: but that we had everything under control on the home front.

706
00:32:55,960 --> 00:32:58,560
Speaker 3: To be honest, my brothers and I knew exactly how

707
00:32:58,600 --> 00:33:00,920
Speaker 3: the will was. My Mom's a lot of time with

708
00:33:01,000 --> 00:33:03,200
Speaker 3: all of us explaining what would happen in a situation

709
00:33:03,320 --> 00:33:06,160
Speaker 3: like this or when she dies. She had all of

710
00:33:06,200 --> 00:33:09,480
Speaker 3: a sign the appropriate documents needed. The only one who

711
00:33:09,640 --> 00:33:14,160
Speaker 3: wasn't in on it was Kates. She wasn't included because

712
00:33:14,160 --> 00:33:15,840
Speaker 3: she refused to talk with my mom when she was

713
00:33:15,880 --> 00:33:19,320
Speaker 3: getting everything put together, and that's your fault. The preceding

714
00:33:19,320 --> 00:33:22,000
Speaker 3: months after this were really hard. My brothers and I

715
00:33:22,040 --> 00:33:23,800
Speaker 3: spent a lot of time trying to help my mom

716
00:33:24,200 --> 00:33:27,680
Speaker 3: rehabilitate and get back on her feet, helping her wherever

717
00:33:27,760 --> 00:33:30,200
Speaker 3: we could. Unfortunately, it seems like my mom isn't going

718
00:33:30,240 --> 00:33:32,680
Speaker 3: to make a full recovery. He still needs to be

719
00:33:32,760 --> 00:33:35,880
Speaker 3: watched twenty four seven and can't really do much besides

720
00:33:35,920 --> 00:33:39,280
Speaker 3: sit around. Kate figured out pretty quickly that she wasn't

721
00:33:39,280 --> 00:33:42,760
Speaker 3: in the will and cut any further contact with my mom. Well,

722
00:33:42,760 --> 00:33:45,760
Speaker 3: she only went back into contact to get the money.

723
00:33:45,520 --> 00:33:47,560
Speaker 1: So and that's why you're not in the will because

724
00:33:47,600 --> 00:33:48,840
Speaker 1: you suck stating.

725
00:33:48,920 --> 00:33:51,200
Speaker 3: She will not talk to or help my mom until

726
00:33:51,280 --> 00:33:54,160
Speaker 3: she is put in the will. Oh no, what are

727
00:33:54,160 --> 00:33:57,040
Speaker 3: we going to do without your winning conversations. She still

728
00:33:57,080 --> 00:33:59,640
Speaker 3: hasn't spoken to or seen my mom at all during

729
00:33:59,680 --> 00:34:02,600
Speaker 3: this whole situation. My brothers and I don't even consider

730
00:34:02,640 --> 00:34:05,320
Speaker 3: her part of the family anymore. Now I'm getting married,

731
00:34:05,440 --> 00:34:08,200
Speaker 3: she doesn't know yet, as Leon and I have only

732
00:34:08,239 --> 00:34:11,240
Speaker 3: told immediate family and close friends. We plan on making

733
00:34:11,239 --> 00:34:14,000
Speaker 3: our big announcement after we get our engagement photos done,

734
00:34:14,200 --> 00:34:17,160
Speaker 3: and we plan on having you join us live every

735
00:34:17,160 --> 00:34:19,760
Speaker 3: weekday on YouTube at three PMPs T. Just tap her profile.

736
00:34:19,880 --> 00:34:21,640
Speaker 3: That is the plan. I don't know how to go

737
00:34:21,680 --> 00:34:23,400
Speaker 3: about telling her that I don't want her at my

738
00:34:23,400 --> 00:34:26,239
Speaker 3: wedding receptions, since I know she'll cause problems with my

739
00:34:26,320 --> 00:34:28,960
Speaker 3: mom and my brothers, she'll be rude to Leon's family,

740
00:34:29,200 --> 00:34:31,640
Speaker 3: and ultimately I really just don't want her there after

741
00:34:31,760 --> 00:34:34,919
Speaker 3: everything she's done. I fully accept that my sister will

742
00:34:34,960 --> 00:34:37,440
Speaker 3: probably never want to talk to me again after this.

743
00:34:37,719 --> 00:34:40,640
Speaker 3: Thank you for everyone who read this massive message, and

744
00:34:40,760 --> 00:34:43,680
Speaker 3: any advice is greatly appreciated. Don't invite her.

745
00:34:43,640 --> 00:34:46,960
Speaker 1: Don't invite her. That was I love how the story was, like,

746
00:34:47,120 --> 00:34:50,160
Speaker 1: we're coming up with the guest list, and we immediately

747
00:34:50,520 --> 00:34:52,280
Speaker 1: both knew to invite.

748
00:34:52,440 --> 00:34:53,239
Speaker 3: Don't invite this.

749
00:34:53,840 --> 00:34:54,520
Speaker 2: Hey, it's Jean here.

750
00:34:54,520 --> 00:34:56,239
Speaker 1: We're gonna get back to this episode, but a quick

751
00:34:56,280 --> 00:34:58,480
Speaker 1: three minute break with aswermre sponsors.

752
00:34:58,800 --> 00:35:02,839
Speaker 3: My husband blame me for our struggles getting pregnant, so

753
00:35:02,960 --> 00:35:06,440
Speaker 3: I secretly tested him and found out the truth.

754
00:35:06,640 --> 00:35:07,480
Speaker 2: What's the truth?

755
00:35:07,719 --> 00:35:10,879
Speaker 3: My me, female thirty three and my husband thirty one male.

756
00:35:10,920 --> 00:35:13,839
Speaker 3: I've been together for four years, married for one year.

757
00:35:14,040 --> 00:35:16,920
Speaker 3: Last summer, when we got married, we decided to try

758
00:35:16,960 --> 00:35:19,399
Speaker 3: for a baby, and I stopped my birth control. By

759
00:35:19,400 --> 00:35:21,960
Speaker 3: the way, this comes from Puzzleheaded Cut eight twelve on

760
00:35:22,000 --> 00:35:24,600
Speaker 3: the r slash Okay story time Separate it. I already

761
00:35:24,680 --> 00:35:28,680
Speaker 3: had a daughter of almost seven years from my previous relationship.

762
00:35:28,840 --> 00:35:32,879
Speaker 3: This relationship lasted nine years and unfortunately ended six months

763
00:35:32,880 --> 00:35:35,080
Speaker 3: after she was born because I caught my ex in

764
00:35:35,120 --> 00:35:38,840
Speaker 3: an affair from almost a year. It wasn't hard to

765
00:35:38,840 --> 00:35:41,480
Speaker 3: get pregnant. I got pregnant within a month after quitting

766
00:35:41,480 --> 00:35:44,880
Speaker 3: birth control. Caring at the pregnancy to full term was

767
00:35:45,440 --> 00:35:48,200
Speaker 3: I've had six miscarriages before my daughter.

768
00:35:48,320 --> 00:35:48,719
Speaker 2: It's off.

769
00:35:48,880 --> 00:35:52,080
Speaker 3: Oh, probably was hard. One evening when my now husband

770
00:35:52,120 --> 00:35:54,879
Speaker 3: then boyfriend, daughter and me were at my mom's place

771
00:35:54,880 --> 00:35:57,120
Speaker 3: for dinner and the topic of kids came up. She

772
00:35:57,400 --> 00:36:00,279
Speaker 3: my mother jokingly said to be ready because I get

773
00:36:00,280 --> 00:36:03,200
Speaker 3: pregnant fast after stopping the pill. I don't know how,

774
00:36:03,440 --> 00:36:06,080
Speaker 3: but the talk came to how it actually happens that

775
00:36:06,120 --> 00:36:08,680
Speaker 3: women get pregnant while they take their pill. He said,

776
00:36:08,680 --> 00:36:10,640
Speaker 3: to not believe it would happen if you didn't forget

777
00:36:10,640 --> 00:36:13,239
Speaker 3: it Somewhere. He had two long relationships before that and

778
00:36:13,280 --> 00:36:16,160
Speaker 3: it never happened that they were late or whatever. Yes,

779
00:36:16,200 --> 00:36:18,959
Speaker 3: this seems ridiculous to remember, but wait, so fast forward

780
00:36:18,960 --> 00:36:21,840
Speaker 3: to last summer. I stopped birth control at the beginning

781
00:36:21,840 --> 00:36:24,200
Speaker 3: of June. I'm not mid twenties anymore, so I didn't

782
00:36:24,239 --> 00:36:27,080
Speaker 3: think anything of it. When October came and I still

783
00:36:27,280 --> 00:36:31,240
Speaker 3: wasn't pregnant. Maybe my body needed longer to adapt or something. Still,

784
00:36:31,400 --> 00:36:33,920
Speaker 3: at the end of October, I went to the hospital

785
00:36:33,960 --> 00:36:37,919
Speaker 3: and got everything checked. I'm fine, fertile, and absolutely able

786
00:36:37,960 --> 00:36:40,120
Speaker 3: to get pregnant normally. I wanted to bring this up

787
00:36:40,160 --> 00:36:42,719
Speaker 3: to my husband to get him checked out too. Then

788
00:36:42,920 --> 00:36:46,280
Speaker 3: our world crash. My daughter was involved in a horrible

789
00:36:46,360 --> 00:36:50,920
Speaker 3: accident and passed away one week later, my god seven

790
00:36:51,040 --> 00:36:51,880
Speaker 3: year old daughter.

791
00:36:52,320 --> 00:36:56,040
Speaker 2: Oh wow, Oh, that's so sad.

792
00:36:56,480 --> 00:36:58,719
Speaker 3: We did our best to support each other, which didn't

793
00:36:58,719 --> 00:37:01,560
Speaker 3: always work out how we wanted to. We fought a lot,

794
00:37:01,800 --> 00:37:06,000
Speaker 3: cried even more, ignored each other, loved again. I'm sure

795
00:37:06,000 --> 00:37:08,520
Speaker 3: that some might know the rollercoaster. We both still go

796
00:37:08,600 --> 00:37:12,000
Speaker 3: to therapy, and finally, almost a year later, we don't

797
00:37:12,040 --> 00:37:16,120
Speaker 3: break down in tears anymore. While remember remembering something about her.

798
00:37:16,239 --> 00:37:18,080
Speaker 3: I even managed to give away one of her toys

799
00:37:18,120 --> 00:37:20,439
Speaker 3: last week to the neighbor's kid. That's a huge thing.

800
00:37:20,680 --> 00:37:22,279
Speaker 3: Keep in mind that our room is still the same

801
00:37:22,280 --> 00:37:25,240
Speaker 3: as when she left to school that morning. All this time,

802
00:37:25,320 --> 00:37:27,799
Speaker 3: our mind wasn't set on getting pregnant, but I also

803
00:37:27,840 --> 00:37:30,760
Speaker 3: didn't start birth control again. We did have spicy sleep

804
00:37:30,800 --> 00:37:33,399
Speaker 3: on regular basis. Don't judge us here. We were really

805
00:37:33,400 --> 00:37:36,080
Speaker 3: trying to keep at least that connection. While it felt

806
00:37:36,080 --> 00:37:38,440
Speaker 3: like we were losing each other in grief, it helped

807
00:37:38,520 --> 00:37:41,080
Speaker 3: us become closer again and reminded us that we loved

808
00:37:41,120 --> 00:37:43,360
Speaker 3: each other. The more I thought about it, the weirder

809
00:37:43,440 --> 00:37:46,160
Speaker 3: it seemed that I still wasn't pregnant yet. I bought

810
00:37:46,160 --> 00:37:49,520
Speaker 3: a home test for male fertility. I pretended to spill

811
00:37:49,560 --> 00:37:52,200
Speaker 3: his sperm on me by accident and went to the

812
00:37:52,200 --> 00:37:55,080
Speaker 3: bathroom to clean myself up. I collected it in the

813
00:37:55,160 --> 00:37:58,400
Speaker 3: jar and did all the steps for testing. It didn't

814
00:37:58,440 --> 00:38:01,279
Speaker 3: give an exact result. It just gives positive for when

815
00:38:01,280 --> 00:38:03,960
Speaker 3: there are enough cells to be considered fertile fertile, or

816
00:38:04,000 --> 00:38:08,239
Speaker 3: negative when they're not. The test came out negative. I

817
00:38:08,280 --> 00:38:11,800
Speaker 3: did the same thing again two weeks later, again negative.

818
00:38:12,080 --> 00:38:15,120
Speaker 3: Pausing Yeah totally unokay.

819
00:38:14,960 --> 00:38:20,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, why not? Talk to your partner that it's a worry.

820
00:38:20,040 --> 00:38:24,400
Speaker 3: Super huge breach of trust. Yea to manipulate them and

821
00:38:24,480 --> 00:38:27,200
Speaker 3: to so that you can get like a test when

822
00:38:27,239 --> 00:38:28,239
Speaker 3: you could just ask them.

823
00:38:28,600 --> 00:38:31,359
Speaker 2: So confused, I'm so confused, Like why would that even

824
00:38:31,360 --> 00:38:35,279
Speaker 2: incurred to her? Yeah? Why why can't you just ask

825
00:38:35,320 --> 00:38:37,959
Speaker 2: your partner if you could test on both ends? Yeah?

826
00:38:38,040 --> 00:38:41,759
Speaker 3: No, really crazy, Why wouldn't. I just don't understand why

827
00:38:41,760 --> 00:38:44,840
Speaker 3: you wouldn't communicate that with your partner if the weird

828
00:38:45,200 --> 00:38:47,880
Speaker 3: really weird that op felt there need to be so

829
00:38:48,000 --> 00:38:49,160
Speaker 3: secretive confused.

830
00:38:49,680 --> 00:38:52,200
Speaker 2: I hope there's some like explanation of that decision.

831
00:38:52,239 --> 00:38:54,719
Speaker 3: But I brought it up several times to get him

832
00:38:54,760 --> 00:38:57,960
Speaker 3: tested at the hospital, which every time resulted into we're

833
00:38:58,000 --> 00:38:59,799
Speaker 3: just stressed. Of course it won't happen.

834
00:39:00,000 --> 00:39:00,960
Speaker 2: Oh okay.

835
00:39:01,000 --> 00:39:06,240
Speaker 3: Still still I think it's saying you could say, I'm

836
00:39:06,440 --> 00:39:09,040
Speaker 3: I went and got my you know, levels checked, I'm fertile.

837
00:39:09,239 --> 00:39:11,400
Speaker 2: Yeah, this is like this is very other tend to me.

838
00:39:11,560 --> 00:39:12,600
Speaker 2: Can you please do this?

839
00:39:13,000 --> 00:39:14,400
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's really icky.

840
00:39:14,520 --> 00:39:16,799
Speaker 2: There seems to be many things that could be done

841
00:39:17,120 --> 00:39:19,359
Speaker 2: before you would even ever think about it, and still

842
00:39:19,360 --> 00:39:20,320
Speaker 2: it's never acceptable.

843
00:39:20,480 --> 00:39:22,839
Speaker 3: Now we got into an argument two days ago. We

844
00:39:22,840 --> 00:39:25,000
Speaker 3: were both bad in bad moods from work, so the

845
00:39:25,080 --> 00:39:27,120
Speaker 3: vibe wasn't great to begin with. He talked about a

846
00:39:27,120 --> 00:39:29,319
Speaker 3: baby room he saw online that looked pretty, and I

847
00:39:29,360 --> 00:39:31,480
Speaker 3: said again that he should get himself an appointment at

848
00:39:31,480 --> 00:39:33,759
Speaker 3: the hospital, that we might need help to get our

849
00:39:33,800 --> 00:39:36,400
Speaker 3: wish fulfilled. He said that there was nothing wrong with him,

850
00:39:36,440 --> 00:39:38,640
Speaker 3: and he blamed it on stress. At that point I

851
00:39:38,719 --> 00:39:40,800
Speaker 3: rolled my eyes and was even more annoyed than I

852
00:39:40,840 --> 00:39:44,080
Speaker 3: already was when I came home. I stood up and

853
00:39:44,239 --> 00:39:46,960
Speaker 3: ended the conversation with I need to go to the

854
00:39:47,000 --> 00:39:49,960
Speaker 3: store tomorrow to buy tampons because I'll need them this weekend.

855
00:39:50,360 --> 00:39:53,760
Speaker 3: He commented, you're always so negative. No wonder it won't happen.

856
00:39:53,920 --> 00:39:56,640
Speaker 2: Whoa putting the blame.

857
00:39:56,880 --> 00:40:01,840
Speaker 3: Very very uh? You know King Henry the eighth what

858
00:40:02,200 --> 00:40:04,960
Speaker 3: like he blamed all his wives, Oh, you know for

859
00:40:05,719 --> 00:40:07,080
Speaker 3: the not giving him a son.

860
00:40:07,239 --> 00:40:08,840
Speaker 2: Oh, but it was his fault. I didn't know that.

861
00:40:08,880 --> 00:40:11,480
Speaker 2: But you had to put the blame on solely on

862
00:40:11,520 --> 00:40:12,200
Speaker 2: your partner.

863
00:40:12,360 --> 00:40:15,239
Speaker 3: Absolutely, like to be clear, she definitely that's an a

864
00:40:15,320 --> 00:40:17,720
Speaker 3: hole move on her part, huge breach of to trust,

865
00:40:18,160 --> 00:40:22,040
Speaker 3: just a ras Radish says, wild invasion of privacy. He

866
00:40:22,200 --> 00:40:24,680
Speaker 3: is not in the right either. His attitude here is

867
00:40:24,800 --> 00:40:29,399
Speaker 3: just really disrespectful and blaming her. I don't like either

868
00:40:29,480 --> 00:40:32,400
Speaker 3: of them in this situation, he commented, You're always a negative.

869
00:40:32,600 --> 00:40:35,279
Speaker 3: No wonder, it won't happen. I just replied with I

870
00:40:35,400 --> 00:40:39,920
Speaker 3: home tested you twice. You can't. It won't happen. But sure,

871
00:40:40,120 --> 00:40:43,319
Speaker 3: no one needs doctors. It's just stress. He looked as

872
00:40:43,360 --> 00:40:45,320
Speaker 3: if he was hit by a truck. Oh, he started

873
00:40:45,440 --> 00:40:49,000
Speaker 3: yelling later on, crying, I get that. I shouldn't have

874
00:40:49,000 --> 00:40:51,160
Speaker 3: brought it up that way. Now he's calling me the

875
00:40:51,200 --> 00:40:53,839
Speaker 3: a hole for even having the audacity to home test

876
00:40:53,840 --> 00:40:58,399
Speaker 3: his sperm without telling me. Am I the a hole. Yes, yes,

877
00:40:58,440 --> 00:40:59,400
Speaker 3: you are the ale.

878
00:40:59,239 --> 00:41:01,920
Speaker 2: But so is he in no way as well, Princess

879
00:41:02,080 --> 00:41:05,839
Speaker 2: X says Henry literally for not giving him a son.

880
00:41:06,040 --> 00:41:08,600
Speaker 2: Wow did your name Henry? Oh?

881
00:41:08,680 --> 00:41:14,839
Speaker 3: Oh oh they're talking about Yes. Yeah, that's like divorce beheaded, survived,

882
00:41:15,480 --> 00:41:16,680
Speaker 3: divorce beheaded died?

883
00:41:16,880 --> 00:41:17,160
Speaker 2: Wow?

884
00:41:17,560 --> 00:41:21,000
Speaker 3: Yes seven one yeah, back to the story. Back to

885
00:41:21,040 --> 00:41:23,960
Speaker 3: the story. There is an update. Okay, First of all,

886
00:41:24,120 --> 00:41:26,720
Speaker 3: thank you to the people who had some genuine advice

887
00:41:26,920 --> 00:41:29,399
Speaker 3: to answer some of the questions. It's not a money thing.

888
00:41:29,600 --> 00:41:32,800
Speaker 3: My husband makes seven figures a year, I obviously don't,

889
00:41:32,800 --> 00:41:34,960
Speaker 3: but I still earn a nice pay. I was and

890
00:41:35,080 --> 00:41:37,800
Speaker 3: still am certain that he did not have a va sectomy.

891
00:41:37,880 --> 00:41:40,120
Speaker 3: To those who demanded n PM that I sent the

892
00:41:40,160 --> 00:41:43,560
Speaker 3: documents to prove that my daughter died, I will not send.

893
00:41:43,440 --> 00:41:47,520
Speaker 2: Them with people.

894
00:41:47,680 --> 00:41:50,560
Speaker 3: Sometimes I think people on Reddit are so insistent on

895
00:41:50,640 --> 00:41:54,120
Speaker 3: like making sure that a story is real, that it's

896
00:41:54,160 --> 00:41:57,200
Speaker 3: like who cares care?

897
00:41:57,880 --> 00:41:58,080
Speaker 4: Yeah?

898
00:41:58,200 --> 00:42:02,320
Speaker 2: Ask a mother with a yeah with the lost child

899
00:42:02,400 --> 00:42:04,360
Speaker 2: to prove that ridiculous.

900
00:42:04,440 --> 00:42:06,799
Speaker 3: To those who judge me for grieving wrong because I'm

901
00:42:06,800 --> 00:42:10,000
Speaker 3: sometimes stressed from work. My job saved me from drowning.

902
00:42:10,160 --> 00:42:12,160
Speaker 3: It gave me a purpose, a reason to get up

903
00:42:12,200 --> 00:42:14,760
Speaker 3: in the morning and kick myself into breathing again. Don't

904
00:42:14,800 --> 00:42:16,920
Speaker 3: come at me how I should be ashamed of myself

905
00:42:16,960 --> 00:42:18,920
Speaker 3: for not grieving the right way when you have no

906
00:42:19,040 --> 00:42:21,920
Speaker 3: idea how it feels to be dying on the inside daily,

907
00:42:22,040 --> 00:42:24,360
Speaker 3: over and over again. I hope he gets all and

908
00:42:24,480 --> 00:42:27,480
Speaker 3: divorce people. I'm sorry to disappoint you. Unless someone cheated

909
00:42:27,560 --> 00:42:30,719
Speaker 3: we have a prenup, I would walk out well provided

910
00:42:30,800 --> 00:42:34,400
Speaker 3: because in contrary of some exceptions, I am a good wife. No,

911
00:42:34,600 --> 00:42:36,839
Speaker 3: the cheating clause isn't there because one of us did

912
00:42:36,880 --> 00:42:39,640
Speaker 3: already we have it because his mother cheated on his

913
00:42:39,719 --> 00:42:42,560
Speaker 3: father and walked away with millions for being unfaithful. We

914
00:42:42,600 --> 00:42:47,120
Speaker 3: went to therapy again and obviously brought this situation up. Yes,

915
00:42:47,200 --> 00:42:48,879
Speaker 3: I am the a hole for bringing it up during

916
00:42:48,880 --> 00:42:51,359
Speaker 3: a fight. However, he even admitted he might have done

917
00:42:51,400 --> 00:42:57,520
Speaker 3: the same thing if it was reversed. Oh, I'm also unhealthy.

918
00:42:57,920 --> 00:43:00,680
Speaker 3: Apparently he also noticed that I still was pregnant and

919
00:43:00,760 --> 00:43:03,760
Speaker 3: was honestly just scared that it would really be his fault,

920
00:43:04,120 --> 00:43:06,920
Speaker 3: as he always wanted a family and kids, and it

921
00:43:06,960 --> 00:43:09,399
Speaker 3: became more and more clear to him that something wasn't right,

922
00:43:09,800 --> 00:43:12,160
Speaker 3: but he was too afraid to get tested and that

923
00:43:12,239 --> 00:43:14,680
Speaker 3: I would leave if he was indeed sterile. I will

924
00:43:14,680 --> 00:43:17,480
Speaker 3: not good in bad times. We promised each other that,

925
00:43:17,719 --> 00:43:20,200
Speaker 3: and for some that actually as meaning. We did the

926
00:43:20,200 --> 00:43:24,200
Speaker 3: home test again together with the right collecting methods. Unfortunately,

927
00:43:24,239 --> 00:43:26,400
Speaker 3: it came back negative. He has made an appointment at

928
00:43:26,440 --> 00:43:28,120
Speaker 3: the clinic and can go there in two weeks to

929
00:43:28,160 --> 00:43:30,839
Speaker 3: get a sperm checked properly. We will see from there

930
00:43:30,960 --> 00:43:33,319
Speaker 3: how it goes, and I hope that we'll see you

931
00:43:33,360 --> 00:43:36,720
Speaker 3: guys every weekday at three PMPC just tap her profile.

932
00:43:37,040 --> 00:43:39,600
Speaker 3: Sorry that isn't the most exciting update, but it is

933
00:43:39,600 --> 00:43:42,239
Speaker 3: what it is. We will still continue our therapy and

934
00:43:42,280 --> 00:43:45,000
Speaker 3: work on healing together. Thank you for those with real advice.

935
00:43:45,160 --> 00:43:47,200
Speaker 3: I wish you all the best in your life. One

936
00:43:47,239 --> 00:43:49,759
Speaker 3: more thing, I'm not trying to get a replacement kid.

937
00:43:49,920 --> 00:43:52,200
Speaker 3: Who are these commenters who are commenting about this?

938
00:43:53,120 --> 00:43:58,520
Speaker 2: You like, stop it stopping awful. I'm glad that they're

939
00:43:58,800 --> 00:44:02,719
Speaker 2: heaving therapy. I'm glad that they're seeing each other's perspectives,

940
00:44:02,840 --> 00:44:05,799
Speaker 2: insides and coming together as a team.

941
00:44:05,920 --> 00:44:07,880
Speaker 3: Glad that they both realized that they made they were

942
00:44:07,920 --> 00:44:09,000
Speaker 3: a holes in this situation.

943
00:44:09,280 --> 00:44:11,640
Speaker 2: I hope that it's not that is not true. I

944
00:44:11,640 --> 00:44:12,680
Speaker 2: hope that he is fertile.

945
00:44:12,800 --> 00:44:15,239
Speaker 3: Yeah, well I think, you know, even if he's not,

946
00:44:15,480 --> 00:44:17,480
Speaker 3: then I think they need to, you know, they'll get

947
00:44:17,520 --> 00:44:19,920
Speaker 3: to figure it out together. Maybe it's adoption, maybe it's

948
00:44:20,239 --> 00:44:23,400
Speaker 3: you know, there's a lot of different ways to go forward.

949
00:44:23,640 --> 00:44:26,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, but at least now they're operating as a collaborative

950
00:44:27,320 --> 00:44:30,120
Speaker 2: team and can you know, talk about how to move

951
00:44:30,160 --> 00:44:30,920
Speaker 2: forward exactly.

952
00:44:31,040 --> 00:44:32,960
Speaker 3: But that is the end of that story.

953
00:44:33,320 --> 00:44:35,080
Speaker 2: Hey, it's Sam. We're going to get back to these stories.

954
00:44:35,120 --> 00:44:37,880
Speaker 2: But here's three bites of ads from our sponsors. My

955
00:44:38,080 --> 00:44:43,560
Speaker 2: husband hates my sister because she's divorced. My husband hates

956
00:44:43,600 --> 00:44:46,919
Speaker 2: my sister because she is a divorced mother of three

957
00:44:47,000 --> 00:44:50,040
Speaker 2: kids and has never been independent and lives with my mom.

958
00:44:50,480 --> 00:44:53,280
Speaker 2: He feels like she mooches off of everyone and feels

959
00:44:53,320 --> 00:44:55,960
Speaker 2: like my mom enables her. She also tends to believe

960
00:44:56,000 --> 00:44:59,319
Speaker 2: in some conspiracy theories COVID, vaccine, et cetera. He says

961
00:44:59,360 --> 00:45:01,880
Speaker 2: that she always has drama going on, and he hates

962
00:45:01,920 --> 00:45:04,399
Speaker 2: people who can't stand on their own two feet. By

963
00:45:04,440 --> 00:45:06,799
Speaker 2: the way, this comes from y dash Where is the

964
00:45:06,920 --> 00:45:10,319
Speaker 2: line on the r slash okay storytime subreddit. So my

965
00:45:10,440 --> 00:45:13,640
Speaker 2: sister is my best friend. She's the person I lean

966
00:45:13,719 --> 00:45:15,440
Speaker 2: on and she leans on me. She has a lot

967
00:45:15,480 --> 00:45:17,719
Speaker 2: of things going on, but I do not feel burdened

968
00:45:17,800 --> 00:45:20,120
Speaker 2: when we talk. In fact, I feel like I'm helpful

969
00:45:20,239 --> 00:45:22,760
Speaker 2: to her. She's made a lot of mistakes in the past.

970
00:45:22,800 --> 00:45:25,880
Speaker 2: I agree, she has never been mean to my husband.

971
00:45:26,000 --> 00:45:28,480
Speaker 2: They get along okay until he found out that she

972
00:45:28,520 --> 00:45:31,600
Speaker 2: aligns with some Republican values. He is very liberal. We

973
00:45:31,680 --> 00:45:36,080
Speaker 2: have a child that adores her. Three kids. The cousins

974
00:45:36,120 --> 00:45:39,360
Speaker 2: see each other often. They go to same school. He

975
00:45:39,400 --> 00:45:41,799
Speaker 2: gets angry when they hang out and says her kids

976
00:45:41,840 --> 00:45:44,600
Speaker 2: will have a bad influence on ours. He really does

977
00:45:44,640 --> 00:45:47,840
Speaker 2: not like this, Sae. Those people, Yeah, a lot of resentment.

978
00:45:47,920 --> 00:45:50,640
Speaker 2: These kids are eight, four and six. I can't possibly

979
00:45:50,680 --> 00:45:53,320
Speaker 2: understand what kind of influence at a young age. The

980
00:45:53,440 --> 00:45:56,440
Speaker 2: kids live in a great neighborhood, part of a loving household,

981
00:45:56,600 --> 00:45:59,600
Speaker 2: love my son are amazing, he says. Since they don't

982
00:45:59,640 --> 00:46:03,360
Speaker 2: have a fun, they are likely going to fail in life.

983
00:46:03,440 --> 00:46:06,920
Speaker 3: Oh that's like not very liberally mindset.

984
00:46:07,719 --> 00:46:11,600
Speaker 2: You interesting, He says, she will have a bad influence

985
00:46:11,600 --> 00:46:13,880
Speaker 2: on her son. That she is an excellent aunt and

986
00:46:13,920 --> 00:46:16,799
Speaker 2: she loves my son very much. My sister works full

987
00:46:16,840 --> 00:46:19,279
Speaker 2: time and is an excellent mother. She told her own

988
00:46:19,320 --> 00:46:21,120
Speaker 2: son at one point that he didn't have to go

989
00:46:21,160 --> 00:46:23,239
Speaker 2: to college if he didn't want to, and this made

990
00:46:23,239 --> 00:46:27,040
Speaker 2: my husband livid. She had some alcohol issues in the

991
00:46:27,080 --> 00:46:29,160
Speaker 2: past when she was married, but once she got away

992
00:46:29,160 --> 00:46:31,440
Speaker 2: from her bad ex husband, she no longer drinks at all.

993
00:46:32,000 --> 00:46:34,040
Speaker 2: Oh No, he calls her all sorts of names, and

994
00:46:34,080 --> 00:46:37,080
Speaker 2: it hurts my feelings. For example, he called her a

995
00:46:37,200 --> 00:46:41,040
Speaker 2: crappy person. God justified that I shouldn't be mad because

996
00:46:41,080 --> 00:46:43,560
Speaker 2: it's true, so he refuses the back down when he

997
00:46:43,640 --> 00:46:47,160
Speaker 2: insults her and stands his ground despite how he hurts me.

998
00:46:47,560 --> 00:46:50,720
Speaker 2: Of course, I refuse to sacrifice my relationship with my sister,

999
00:46:50,840 --> 00:46:53,120
Speaker 2: my best friend, for him. I refuse to keep my

1000
00:46:53,200 --> 00:46:56,440
Speaker 2: kid away from his cousins and family just because he

1001
00:46:56,520 --> 00:46:59,640
Speaker 2: hates her. There wasn't even an altercation between them. One day,

1002
00:46:59,680 --> 00:47:01,840
Speaker 2: he just decided he hated her. We have done a

1003
00:47:01,840 --> 00:47:04,480
Speaker 2: holiday separately for over four years. I'm happy when he

1004
00:47:04,560 --> 00:47:06,680
Speaker 2: is not there with my side of the family. I

1005
00:47:06,719 --> 00:47:09,200
Speaker 2: love his family, but because of him, we can't join

1006
00:47:09,280 --> 00:47:12,640
Speaker 2: them together. We travel separately, which is so great with me.

1007
00:47:12,880 --> 00:47:15,399
Speaker 2: I don't want to hear the constant barrage of how

1008
00:47:15,440 --> 00:47:18,320
Speaker 2: much he hates her. I was happy with this arrangement,

1009
00:47:18,360 --> 00:47:20,120
Speaker 2: but now the kids go to the same school and

1010
00:47:20,160 --> 00:47:22,200
Speaker 2: there are a lot of kid activities he wants to

1011
00:47:22,200 --> 00:47:24,759
Speaker 2: go to, but my sister and I go together with

1012
00:47:24,800 --> 00:47:27,560
Speaker 2: the kids. He hates my sister so much he gets

1013
00:47:27,640 --> 00:47:31,040
Speaker 2: angry that she has to be there. It's school activities,

1014
00:47:31,120 --> 00:47:32,680
Speaker 2: So I don't know how to avoid her.

1015
00:47:32,960 --> 00:47:35,440
Speaker 3: He just sounds like such like a petulant child, like

1016
00:47:35,520 --> 00:47:37,480
Speaker 3: he can't I don't care if he doesn't like her.

1017
00:47:37,600 --> 00:47:39,399
Speaker 3: He can't even be around her.

1018
00:47:39,880 --> 00:47:42,400
Speaker 2: It seems like his kids hatred.

1019
00:47:42,640 --> 00:47:44,360
Speaker 3: Yeah, what why?

1020
00:47:44,600 --> 00:47:46,880
Speaker 2: But I'm so confused, Like I want to talk to

1021
00:47:47,120 --> 00:47:49,120
Speaker 2: this man and be like, why do you hate started

1022
00:47:49,120 --> 00:47:49,640
Speaker 2: this person?

1023
00:47:49,760 --> 00:47:50,320
Speaker 3: Yeah?

1024
00:47:50,360 --> 00:47:52,879
Speaker 2: Because she said they got along fine and then one

1025
00:47:52,960 --> 00:47:53,960
Speaker 2: day it's just switch.

1026
00:47:54,080 --> 00:47:55,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, No, it was just which is why I'm like

1027
00:47:56,080 --> 00:47:58,320
Speaker 3: it was there something that caused the switch? Did she

1028
00:47:58,480 --> 00:47:59,120
Speaker 3: say anything?

1029
00:47:59,360 --> 00:48:03,240
Speaker 2: It's possible, Well, yeah, something happened. Yeah, he's always invited

1030
00:48:03,280 --> 00:48:05,400
Speaker 2: to go, but he would ignore her kids and would

1031
00:48:05,440 --> 00:48:08,640
Speaker 2: make it miserable. My six year old kid asked me

1032
00:48:08,840 --> 00:48:12,120
Speaker 2: why he hates his cousins and his aunts. I was

1033
00:48:12,160 --> 00:48:14,480
Speaker 2: shocked to learn he picked up on those. Kids are

1034
00:48:14,560 --> 00:48:17,479
Speaker 2: very presentive, I mean, and especially if.

1035
00:48:17,520 --> 00:48:18,279
Speaker 3: He's never there.

1036
00:48:19,080 --> 00:48:22,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, and especially if he's so obvious about it and

1037
00:48:22,120 --> 00:48:24,279
Speaker 2: feels so strongly. Kids can pick up on that. So

1038
00:48:24,360 --> 00:48:27,160
Speaker 2: I used to take my sister's problems as my own

1039
00:48:27,239 --> 00:48:30,759
Speaker 2: several years ago, and he says we always fight about her,

1040
00:48:31,120 --> 00:48:33,839
Speaker 2: so I stopped completely talking about her about him. Now

1041
00:48:33,840 --> 00:48:35,960
Speaker 2: he gets mad because he hears me talking to her

1042
00:48:36,040 --> 00:48:38,759
Speaker 2: sometimes and I'm always giving her advice. I'm not even

1043
00:48:38,800 --> 00:48:41,120
Speaker 2: talking to him. He hates that I'm talking to her

1044
00:48:41,200 --> 00:48:44,040
Speaker 2: at all, says she has a bad character and hates

1045
00:48:44,440 --> 00:48:47,279
Speaker 2: the fact that I can't see it. I told my

1046
00:48:47,440 --> 00:48:50,759
Speaker 2: husband what I'm tired of this guy. I'm upset with

1047
00:48:50,760 --> 00:48:53,000
Speaker 2: this as well. I told my husband that his anger

1048
00:48:53,080 --> 00:48:55,200
Speaker 2: is his problem and I'm personally sick of this. My

1049
00:48:55,280 --> 00:48:57,319
Speaker 2: sister isn't going anywhere, so I don't know what to

1050
00:48:57,360 --> 00:48:59,839
Speaker 2: tell him. Also, he can't dictate whether a kid gets

1051
00:49:00,040 --> 00:49:02,000
Speaker 2: hang out with his cousins. He's the right to be

1052
00:49:02,040 --> 00:49:05,440
Speaker 2: around his family too, Am I wrong? Additional people say

1053
00:49:05,480 --> 00:49:07,560
Speaker 2: I'm leaving things out and it's not the whole story,

1054
00:49:07,600 --> 00:49:12,000
Speaker 2: so add more contact. Okay, yeah, yes, there's some things

1055
00:49:12,000 --> 00:49:15,120
Speaker 2: I left out. She shoplifted at age twenty and I

1056
00:49:15,160 --> 00:49:19,920
Speaker 2: helped her out again, like many years ago. He hates

1057
00:49:19,920 --> 00:49:22,640
Speaker 2: that my mom had to help take care of her,

1058
00:49:22,719 --> 00:49:25,920
Speaker 2: and it stresses my mom out. Two years ago, she

1059
00:49:26,320 --> 00:49:28,440
Speaker 2: up and moved the kids away from her husband without

1060
00:49:28,440 --> 00:49:30,560
Speaker 2: telling him and came to my mom's house with the

1061
00:49:30,640 --> 00:49:33,680
Speaker 2: three kids. The court sided with her as her husband

1062
00:49:33,680 --> 00:49:36,359
Speaker 2: is a deadbeat. My mom told her to come as

1063
00:49:36,360 --> 00:49:40,080
Speaker 2: she was worried about my sister's abuse situation when we

1064
00:49:40,080 --> 00:49:42,399
Speaker 2: were younger. She was somewhat jealous of my success when

1065
00:49:42,400 --> 00:49:44,799
Speaker 2: she was struggling. She never treated me bad about it.

1066
00:49:44,920 --> 00:49:47,000
Speaker 2: She can be entitled at times. All of these are

1067
00:49:47,000 --> 00:49:49,719
Speaker 2: perfect our character flaws, but no one is perfect. So

1068
00:49:50,120 --> 00:49:52,799
Speaker 2: I'm perplexed. And I'm also perplexed. Why you would not

1069
00:49:52,920 --> 00:49:55,080
Speaker 2: join us live on YouTube every weekday at three tm

1070
00:49:55,120 --> 00:49:58,919
Speaker 2: pstachers to have a profile. Perplexed why wouldn't he have something? Okay,

1071
00:49:58,920 --> 00:50:00,719
Speaker 2: We're almost done here the end of the day. She's

1072
00:50:00,719 --> 00:50:03,200
Speaker 2: an excellent sister. I'm seven years older than her, so

1073
00:50:03,239 --> 00:50:05,439
Speaker 2: I've helped her out throughout the years and don't mind

1074
00:50:05,440 --> 00:50:08,439
Speaker 2: giving her advice and helping her. She needs a lot

1075
00:50:08,440 --> 00:50:10,960
Speaker 2: of advice, and he hates that. He used to say

1076
00:50:10,960 --> 00:50:13,319
Speaker 2: that she stressed me out, But when I realized that

1077
00:50:13,360 --> 00:50:16,040
Speaker 2: maybe she does, although it didn't actually feel that way,

1078
00:50:16,200 --> 00:50:20,440
Speaker 2: but any self retrospectrum is welcomed. I stopped telling him

1079
00:50:20,480 --> 00:50:22,759
Speaker 2: anything and learned to not be his passionate about things

1080
00:50:22,760 --> 00:50:25,360
Speaker 2: that were going on. Not much difference in his behavior

1081
00:50:25,400 --> 00:50:28,000
Speaker 2: at all. I'm genuinely perplexed. It's not like I gave

1082
00:50:28,080 --> 00:50:30,160
Speaker 2: her our money. None of this involved him. He just

1083
00:50:30,239 --> 00:50:33,879
Speaker 2: hates her character. I honestly can't think of anything else

1084
00:50:33,960 --> 00:50:35,520
Speaker 2: to put in this vote.

1085
00:50:35,800 --> 00:50:40,400
Speaker 3: Yeah, I it's really not voting well for the relationship

1086
00:50:40,440 --> 00:50:43,600
Speaker 3: that he is this up in arms about her friendship

1087
00:50:43,640 --> 00:50:45,680
Speaker 3: and sisterly bond.

1088
00:50:45,880 --> 00:50:50,040
Speaker 2: And also like the context of like why possibly he

1089
00:50:50,080 --> 00:50:53,120
Speaker 2: would be upset with her about like all these past

1090
00:50:53,120 --> 00:50:56,480
Speaker 2: things like shoplifting and you know, past things with like

1091
00:50:56,560 --> 00:51:01,440
Speaker 2: moving and the past partners. It still feels irrelevant to

1092
00:51:01,480 --> 00:51:03,839
Speaker 2: what the issue is. The issue is not that you're

1093
00:51:04,000 --> 00:51:07,439
Speaker 2: upset and that you judge your partner's sister. That is okay,

1094
00:51:07,520 --> 00:51:09,600
Speaker 2: you're a human. You're allowed to be upset at people,

1095
00:51:09,760 --> 00:51:13,160
Speaker 2: especially people close to your partner. But to make it

1096
00:51:13,800 --> 00:51:17,520
Speaker 2: like to project all of these feelings onto your partners,

1097
00:51:18,280 --> 00:51:20,640
Speaker 2: you have to feel the same way. And yeah, and

1098
00:51:20,719 --> 00:51:23,840
Speaker 2: to be quite insultive about it. It's like, of course

1099
00:51:23,840 --> 00:51:25,760
Speaker 2: that's going to hurt your relationship with your partner.

1100
00:51:25,960 --> 00:51:30,359
Speaker 3: Agreed. Yeah, No, I worry for them if he's going

1101
00:51:30,360 --> 00:51:33,399
Speaker 3: to continue this way. Yeah, because she might realize like, hey,

1102
00:51:33,480 --> 00:51:35,560
Speaker 3: you know what, my sister's better than you.

1103
00:51:36,360 --> 00:51:39,600
Speaker 2: Well, it just seems like it's a deal breaker for her.

1104
00:51:40,160 --> 00:51:43,640
Speaker 2: I don't imagine this relationship continuing on and being healthy

1105
00:51:43,960 --> 00:51:47,000
Speaker 2: if he's going to continue, if he's continue insulting her

1106
00:51:47,160 --> 00:51:50,399
Speaker 2: her sibling. I agree, her siblings close to her and

1107
00:51:50,920 --> 00:51:52,760
Speaker 2: it seems to be like one of her most important

1108
00:51:52,800 --> 00:51:53,920
Speaker 2: relationship agreed.

1109
00:51:54,120 --> 00:51:57,399
Speaker 3: Macy Baker says, conspiracy theory the husband suddenly changed towards

1110
00:51:57,400 --> 00:52:00,600
Speaker 3: the sister because he's trying to isolate Ope and could

1111
00:52:00,640 --> 00:52:04,520
Speaker 3: turn abusive. That is yeah, that's a possibility. Rara King says,

1112
00:52:04,520 --> 00:52:06,799
Speaker 3: he's so judgmental, and I'm not a fan of extra

1113
00:52:06,880 --> 00:52:07,960
Speaker 3: judgmental people like that.

1114
00:52:08,440 --> 00:52:08,719
Speaker 2: It is.

1115
00:52:09,239 --> 00:52:12,719
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think there's sometimes you meet people who are

1116
00:52:13,080 --> 00:52:17,839
Speaker 3: so like holier than thou and they become so judgmental

1117
00:52:17,880 --> 00:52:20,520
Speaker 3: because they think they know everything and they know like

1118
00:52:20,560 --> 00:52:23,719
Speaker 3: the right way to do everything, and it's like exhausting.

1119
00:52:24,120 --> 00:52:26,160
Speaker 2: I think I think about judgment a lot, and I

1120
00:52:26,200 --> 00:52:29,040
Speaker 2: think there's a perspective on judgment that I think in

1121
00:52:29,040 --> 00:52:32,560
Speaker 2: some cases can be very true, and that we judge

1122
00:52:32,920 --> 00:52:35,400
Speaker 2: our shadow in this idea that we have parts of

1123
00:52:35,440 --> 00:52:39,680
Speaker 2: our psyche that we're unable to accept, love and integrate,

1124
00:52:39,880 --> 00:52:44,560
Speaker 2: and so in order for our psyche to manage this discrepancy, Yeah,

1125
00:52:44,560 --> 00:52:46,359
Speaker 2: that there's parts of us that we can accept. We

1126
00:52:47,120 --> 00:52:51,520
Speaker 2: there's this tendency to project that onto people that remind

1127
00:52:51,560 --> 00:52:53,640
Speaker 2: you of the parts of yourself that you can accept,

1128
00:52:54,000 --> 00:52:57,759
Speaker 2: and then to push all of those internalized feelings and

1129
00:52:57,800 --> 00:53:00,960
Speaker 2: externalize them on someone else. Again, I'm not psychoanalyzing him.

1130
00:53:01,040 --> 00:53:03,279
Speaker 2: I don't know if that's true or not, but it's

1131
00:53:03,360 --> 00:53:06,160
Speaker 2: a possibility, and I'm curious WHATSIB like if there's no

1132
00:53:06,200 --> 00:53:08,400
Speaker 2: other reason her triggers him so much.

1133
00:53:08,640 --> 00:53:11,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's interesting. I wish we had more information about that,

1134
00:53:12,160 --> 00:53:16,880
Speaker 3: but alas we don't. My wife trash talked me to

1135
00:53:16,920 --> 00:53:20,040
Speaker 3: her friend and now she wants to divorce me. A

1136
00:53:20,040 --> 00:53:23,239
Speaker 3: little backstory. I'm twenty two and my wife is twenty six.

1137
00:53:23,520 --> 00:53:26,759
Speaker 3: We've been together three years wow, but married for two.

1138
00:53:26,960 --> 00:53:29,840
Speaker 3: The place we live currently I had before we got married,

1139
00:53:29,880 --> 00:53:31,759
Speaker 3: but she was later added to the least once it

1140
00:53:31,800 --> 00:53:34,680
Speaker 3: was renewed. When she first started coming over, she offered

1141
00:53:34,680 --> 00:53:36,920
Speaker 3: to pay rent, but I didn't let her because she

1142
00:53:37,040 --> 00:53:40,360
Speaker 3: wasn't on the lease and I felt it wasn't her responsibility.

1143
00:53:40,640 --> 00:53:43,280
Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from few independents ninety seventy

1144
00:53:43,440 --> 00:53:46,719
Speaker 3: two on the r slash Okay, storytime subburdt it. So

1145
00:53:47,080 --> 00:53:49,319
Speaker 3: once she moved in, she helped with rent every once

1146
00:53:49,320 --> 00:53:51,960
Speaker 3: in a while. I've always had trouble asking for help,

1147
00:53:52,040 --> 00:53:54,719
Speaker 3: because then that makes me reliant on other people, and

1148
00:53:54,760 --> 00:53:57,959
Speaker 3: that's a power I struggled to gep Regardless, she still

1149
00:53:58,000 --> 00:54:02,040
Speaker 3: continued to offer pay every chance. Eventually she renewed the

1150
00:54:02,080 --> 00:54:04,320
Speaker 3: lease and she is now on it. And I decided

1151
00:54:04,360 --> 00:54:07,120
Speaker 3: before we added her to talk to ask her if

1152
00:54:07,120 --> 00:54:08,879
Speaker 3: she would pitch in and go half on the rent.

1153
00:54:09,480 --> 00:54:11,480
Speaker 3: This was a very big step for me, and it

1154
00:54:11,520 --> 00:54:13,680
Speaker 3: took me a week to even muster up the courage

1155
00:54:13,680 --> 00:54:16,279
Speaker 3: to ask. The plan was for her to go half

1156
00:54:16,320 --> 00:54:19,279
Speaker 3: so I could start saving more. She agreed, and when

1157
00:54:19,320 --> 00:54:21,920
Speaker 3: the first couple months came, she paid, and I was

1158
00:54:22,000 --> 00:54:23,879
Speaker 3: so relieved that a little bit of the weight would

1159
00:54:23,880 --> 00:54:28,200
Speaker 3: be lifted off my shoulders. Unluckily enough, she would soon

1160
00:54:28,280 --> 00:54:30,160
Speaker 3: be sent off to work in another state. And we've

1161
00:54:30,200 --> 00:54:32,160
Speaker 3: spent the last four years apart.

1162
00:54:32,280 --> 00:54:34,520
Speaker 2: Wait did you say four four years? We spent the

1163
00:54:34,560 --> 00:54:35,000
Speaker 2: last year?

1164
00:54:35,080 --> 00:54:39,560
Speaker 3: Oh my god? Sorry, good, we've sent the last year apart.

1165
00:54:39,920 --> 00:54:42,719
Speaker 3: I was at my previous job for four years, and

1166
00:54:42,800 --> 00:54:45,520
Speaker 3: for the last two years I wanted badly to get

1167
00:54:45,560 --> 00:54:48,399
Speaker 3: out of it, but I was terrified to leave. When

1168
00:54:48,400 --> 00:54:50,720
Speaker 3: she first left, I was still working, but the job

1169
00:54:50,840 --> 00:54:54,200
Speaker 3: was taking such an awful toll on me. I was

1170
00:54:54,239 --> 00:54:56,839
Speaker 3: turning into such a mean and negative person, and with

1171
00:54:56,920 --> 00:54:59,839
Speaker 3: us being separated and me being treated like crap at work,

1172
00:55:00,440 --> 00:55:03,080
Speaker 3: I started talking to my wife more and more about

1173
00:55:03,080 --> 00:55:06,200
Speaker 3: the idea of me quitting and finding a new job.

1174
00:55:06,880 --> 00:55:09,360
Speaker 3: She was one hundred percent on board with the idea,

1175
00:55:09,760 --> 00:55:12,440
Speaker 3: and I waited a few months to save before finally

1176
00:55:12,480 --> 00:55:15,120
Speaker 3: I couldn't take it and pulled the trigger. So it

1177
00:55:15,120 --> 00:55:18,640
Speaker 3: seems like they were having problems with their relationship. They

1178
00:55:18,640 --> 00:55:21,520
Speaker 3: took a break, and then Op was having problems at

1179
00:55:21,520 --> 00:55:23,359
Speaker 3: the job and left that job.

1180
00:55:23,560 --> 00:55:24,799
Speaker 1: Okay, I think that's where we are.

1181
00:55:24,880 --> 00:55:26,080
Speaker 2: I was not following, thank you.

1182
00:55:26,320 --> 00:55:30,000
Speaker 3: Look, little did I know that was the beginning of

1183
00:55:30,200 --> 00:55:30,560
Speaker 3: the end.

1184
00:55:30,880 --> 00:55:31,320
Speaker 2: Oh.

1185
00:55:31,360 --> 00:55:33,600
Speaker 3: I didn't have another job lined up, which I know

1186
00:55:33,920 --> 00:55:36,640
Speaker 3: I should have. I was just in such a depressive

1187
00:55:36,680 --> 00:55:39,240
Speaker 3: state and was heading on to a really dark path

1188
00:55:39,400 --> 00:55:42,680
Speaker 3: that I couldn't let myself go back too. I had

1189
00:55:42,719 --> 00:55:44,640
Speaker 3: saved enough to last me a year and a half

1190
00:55:44,680 --> 00:55:47,279
Speaker 3: without working. I hadn't planned to be without a job

1191
00:55:47,360 --> 00:55:49,920
Speaker 3: that long. I just wanted the extra wiggle room. But

1192
00:55:50,520 --> 00:55:52,880
Speaker 3: I had this planned with the idea that me and

1193
00:55:52,920 --> 00:55:56,600
Speaker 3: my wife would still be splitting rent. In all actuality,

1194
00:55:56,719 --> 00:55:58,640
Speaker 3: I had a little of her nine months of rent,

1195
00:55:58,719 --> 00:56:02,080
Speaker 3: not including other bills in utibe, because she never helped

1196
00:56:02,080 --> 00:56:05,880
Speaker 3: with rent once she left, So I think in that

1197
00:56:06,000 --> 00:56:08,640
Speaker 3: year that they were separated. I think they technically were

1198
00:56:08,680 --> 00:56:11,759
Speaker 3: both still on the lease, but she wasn't helping.

1199
00:56:11,520 --> 00:56:14,320
Speaker 2: With the rent and he was living there and she wasn't.

1200
00:56:14,200 --> 00:56:17,440
Speaker 3: I believe, so okay. Before I quit, she had reassured

1201
00:56:17,480 --> 00:56:19,440
Speaker 3: me that it would be okay and that she was

1202
00:56:19,480 --> 00:56:21,279
Speaker 3: going to help with some of the bills, but it

1203
00:56:21,360 --> 00:56:24,759
Speaker 3: never happened, which caused a lot of issues for us

1204
00:56:24,880 --> 00:56:27,440
Speaker 3: later down the line, because I found myself holding a

1205
00:56:27,480 --> 00:56:30,799
Speaker 3: grudge towards her. Friends and family would make comments like

1206
00:56:30,880 --> 00:56:33,480
Speaker 3: are you guys splitting? Is she helping you? And I'd

1207
00:56:33,520 --> 00:56:36,200
Speaker 3: always say yes because I didn't want anyone to worry

1208
00:56:36,280 --> 00:56:39,719
Speaker 3: or think badly of her. Slowly it started eating away

1209
00:56:39,760 --> 00:56:43,560
Speaker 3: at me and I became resentful. We got into a

1210
00:56:43,560 --> 00:56:46,080
Speaker 3: big argument once she got home from her time away

1211
00:56:46,239 --> 00:56:49,719
Speaker 3: about something totally different. I never even got the chance

1212
00:56:49,719 --> 00:56:51,759
Speaker 3: to bring up the fact that she promised to help

1213
00:56:51,800 --> 00:56:55,720
Speaker 3: me and she didn't, because somehow the argument got flipped

1214
00:56:55,719 --> 00:56:58,720
Speaker 3: back on me and turned into something else. Oh no,

1215
00:56:59,400 --> 00:57:02,600
Speaker 3: so oh, I went through her phone one night.

1216
00:57:02,840 --> 00:57:05,799
Speaker 2: Stop everyone's going through people's phones in these stories.

1217
00:57:05,960 --> 00:57:08,880
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, and searched my name. And she was basically

1218
00:57:08,920 --> 00:57:11,839
Speaker 3: just trash talking me with her best friend the entire

1219
00:57:11,920 --> 00:57:14,920
Speaker 3: night that we were arguing, talking about how I'm broke

1220
00:57:15,000 --> 00:57:17,320
Speaker 3: and jobless and how tired she was a being with me,

1221
00:57:17,840 --> 00:57:20,080
Speaker 3: but she basically feels like she has to take care

1222
00:57:20,080 --> 00:57:23,000
Speaker 3: of me because we're married and she's older, saying that

1223
00:57:23,040 --> 00:57:24,720
Speaker 3: she's trying to find a way out of it but

1224
00:57:24,800 --> 00:57:25,200
Speaker 3: she can't.

1225
00:57:25,440 --> 00:57:25,800
Speaker 2: Wow.

1226
00:57:26,040 --> 00:57:28,360
Speaker 3: It was some of the most hurtful things I've ever read,

1227
00:57:28,960 --> 00:57:31,280
Speaker 3: and it basically showed me that I shouldn't have let

1228
00:57:31,280 --> 00:57:33,640
Speaker 3: myself rely on her. I know I should be able

1229
00:57:33,640 --> 00:57:35,360
Speaker 3: to rely on my spouse, but I was trying to

1230
00:57:35,440 --> 00:57:38,080
Speaker 3: let that wall down, and in return, it was thrown

1231
00:57:38,200 --> 00:57:41,720
Speaker 3: back in my face, just like I knew it would be.

1232
00:57:41,760 --> 00:57:44,360
Speaker 3: And Ellie Graces, they were just in a long distance relationship,

1233
00:57:44,400 --> 00:57:45,400
Speaker 3: not on a break which I did.

1234
00:57:45,480 --> 00:57:48,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's what I, Okay, I would because when I

1235
00:57:48,040 --> 00:57:51,120
Speaker 2: originally I was like, did they she just moved away?

1236
00:57:50,800 --> 00:57:55,200
Speaker 3: And they were she was she was like somewhere else

1237
00:57:55,240 --> 00:57:57,439
Speaker 3: for that time being, but the relationship was still going

1238
00:57:57,440 --> 00:58:01,080
Speaker 3: on and she wasn't paying for or the rent at all.

1239
00:58:01,680 --> 00:58:03,840
Speaker 3: I NOP was kind of fronting all of that money

1240
00:58:03,920 --> 00:58:06,720
Speaker 3: even though they lost they didn't have a job. Are

1241
00:58:06,760 --> 00:58:09,520
Speaker 3: they quit their job. I've been actively looking and applying

1242
00:58:09,520 --> 00:58:12,040
Speaker 3: to jobs. I've had eight different interviews in the last

1243
00:58:12,080 --> 00:58:14,720
Speaker 3: four months. I've even considered going back to the job

1244
00:58:14,760 --> 00:58:17,320
Speaker 3: I was previously in, just to avoid proving her right.

1245
00:58:17,960 --> 00:58:21,360
Speaker 3: It's the worst feeling watching my bank account drop and

1246
00:58:21,520 --> 00:58:24,080
Speaker 3: not being able to do anything about it. I've even

1247
00:58:24,120 --> 00:58:28,840
Speaker 3: applied for jobs that pay little to nothing, but no luck.

1248
00:58:29,480 --> 00:58:31,800
Speaker 3: I didn't realize the hiring market was as bad as

1249
00:58:31,800 --> 00:58:34,000
Speaker 3: it is, or I never would have left before securing

1250
00:58:34,040 --> 00:58:37,160
Speaker 3: another job. I either interview and it falls through, or

1251
00:58:37,160 --> 00:58:41,720
Speaker 3: I don't hear back. All this while juggling school. Hindsight

1252
00:58:41,920 --> 00:58:46,200
Speaker 3: is definitely twenty twenty. Anyways, fast forward to now. My

1253
00:58:46,280 --> 00:58:48,880
Speaker 3: money is running low and I have to tell her,

1254
00:58:48,920 --> 00:58:52,280
Speaker 3: but I'm terrified. I have such bad anxiety and I

1255
00:58:52,320 --> 00:58:55,240
Speaker 3: don't do well with confrontation. Another reason It's taken so

1256
00:58:55,360 --> 00:58:57,520
Speaker 3: long to talk to her about it. But I know

1257
00:58:57,800 --> 00:59:00,280
Speaker 3: I have to. How do I tell her that I'm

1258
00:59:00,280 --> 00:59:03,600
Speaker 3: basically broke and need her help, but you can help

1259
00:59:03,680 --> 00:59:06,040
Speaker 3: us by joining us live every weekday at three PMPSD.

1260
00:59:06,240 --> 00:59:08,680
Speaker 2: Just tap her profile, just tap okay.

1261
00:59:08,360 --> 00:59:10,960
Speaker 3: And there is just a tiny bit more to this story,

1262
00:59:11,080 --> 00:59:12,960
Speaker 3: so I'll just read it, okay. Something that may be

1263
00:59:13,040 --> 00:59:15,080
Speaker 3: important to add is she bought a new motorcycle and

1264
00:59:15,120 --> 00:59:16,920
Speaker 3: a sports car with the money she saved while she

1265
00:59:17,000 --> 00:59:19,400
Speaker 3: was away, and those put a dent in her savings.

1266
00:59:19,440 --> 00:59:21,800
Speaker 3: I'm sure a part of me is so pissed that

1267
00:59:21,840 --> 00:59:23,640
Speaker 3: she can spend without a care in the world right

1268
00:59:23,680 --> 00:59:27,200
Speaker 3: now while I'm scrambling, but I also know it's no

1269
00:59:27,200 --> 00:59:29,840
Speaker 3: one's fault but not mine. Sorry, this is all over

1270
00:59:29,880 --> 00:59:32,400
Speaker 3: the place. I'm spiraling and need any advice possible.

1271
00:59:32,600 --> 00:59:38,960
Speaker 2: Okay, I'm I was confused why he just like passed

1272
00:59:39,000 --> 00:59:42,520
Speaker 2: over what should have been like the main focus for

1273
00:59:42,600 --> 00:59:45,240
Speaker 2: the rest yeah, of the story, that you found out

1274
00:59:45,480 --> 00:59:49,640
Speaker 2: that your partner thinks very low of you, is insulting

1275
00:59:49,680 --> 00:59:51,240
Speaker 2: you and wants to leave you.

1276
00:59:51,480 --> 00:59:54,000
Speaker 3: And then he was like, well I still need the money.

1277
00:59:54,120 --> 00:59:56,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, And it's like, which is a hard situation, Like

1278
00:59:56,880 --> 00:59:58,960
Speaker 2: she she judges me, So I don't know how to

1279
00:59:59,120 --> 01:00:01,320
Speaker 2: bring up these things. It's it's just like, let's stop

1280
01:00:01,360 --> 01:00:03,400
Speaker 2: at that of like she doesn't you found out your

1281
01:00:03,440 --> 01:00:07,240
Speaker 2: partner doesn't want to be with you, Why would anyone

1282
01:00:07,280 --> 01:00:10,120
Speaker 2: want to be Like if I found that out, I

1283
01:00:10,160 --> 01:00:12,280
Speaker 2: wouldn't want to be with anyone that doesn't want to

1284
01:00:12,320 --> 01:00:14,960
Speaker 2: be with me exactly. I would want to break out there.

1285
01:00:15,800 --> 01:00:18,840
Speaker 3: I think it's I think maybe that is Op's thought,

1286
01:00:19,040 --> 01:00:23,400
Speaker 3: but it's it's like, I literally can't afford to live

1287
01:00:23,440 --> 01:00:25,760
Speaker 3: without her, but she's not even paying for you, So

1288
01:00:25,840 --> 01:00:28,800
Speaker 3: it's like, are you what are you getting out of this?

1289
01:00:29,040 --> 01:00:31,640
Speaker 2: I think that it's not fulfilling her bargain to find out.

1290
01:00:31,680 --> 01:00:35,040
Speaker 2: The financial stuff is just irrelevant. What is just relevant

1291
01:00:35,120 --> 01:00:36,920
Speaker 2: is your partner doesn't respect you and doesn't want to

1292
01:00:36,920 --> 01:00:37,280
Speaker 2: be with you.

1293
01:00:37,600 --> 01:00:40,760
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think I do kind of disagree. I think

1294
01:00:40,760 --> 01:00:43,520
Speaker 3: it would only be relevant if she was actually helping

1295
01:00:43,600 --> 01:00:46,800
Speaker 3: him financially, but because we know she's not, Yeah, and

1296
01:00:46,840 --> 01:00:49,880
Speaker 3: she also hates him, it's like, there's nothing keeping you

1297
01:00:49,960 --> 01:00:50,400
Speaker 3: here right now.

1298
01:00:50,720 --> 01:00:53,200
Speaker 2: If if he was like, yeah, I found this out,

1299
01:00:53,240 --> 01:00:56,200
Speaker 2: but you know, I'm not to support myself right now,

1300
01:00:56,280 --> 01:00:59,160
Speaker 2: and like, while it's like this is part of my

1301
01:00:59,240 --> 01:01:01,160
Speaker 2: support network, yeah, that would be That would be a

1302
01:01:01,160 --> 01:01:02,440
Speaker 2: different story, but it's not the stories.

1303
01:01:02,480 --> 01:01:02,560
Speaker 1: No.

1304
01:01:03,000 --> 01:01:05,320
Speaker 3: Dutchess Cassanta says as soon as she finds out he's broken,

1305
01:01:05,400 --> 01:01:07,320
Speaker 3: can't fit the bill so she can save her own money.

1306
01:01:07,440 --> 01:01:10,240
Speaker 3: She's gonna dump him, yeah, probably