1 00:00:05,280 --> 00:00:07,480 Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha, and welcome to stuff 2 00:00:07,480 --> 00:00:09,360 Speaker 1: I never told your production by heart radio. 3 00:00:18,720 --> 00:00:22,079 Speaker 2: And welcome to what I'm thinking is going to be 4 00:00:22,120 --> 00:00:24,600 Speaker 2: a short happy hour, but maybe not. We are putting 5 00:00:24,600 --> 00:00:26,560 Speaker 2: a quick pause on the Sex and the City just 6 00:00:26,600 --> 00:00:31,240 Speaker 2: because chaos ensues during election times and holiday times and 7 00:00:31,280 --> 00:00:34,760 Speaker 2: all the times chaos. But I did want to kind 8 00:00:34,760 --> 00:00:36,560 Speaker 2: of talk about a personal experience. 9 00:00:37,320 --> 00:00:39,519 Speaker 3: I don't think No, I haven't talked. 10 00:00:39,360 --> 00:00:42,360 Speaker 2: About like my adoption stuff in a while or identity 11 00:00:42,360 --> 00:00:44,920 Speaker 2: stuff in a while, So I was gonna kind of 12 00:00:44,920 --> 00:00:47,120 Speaker 2: bring that up because I had an interesting weekend Annie. 13 00:00:48,080 --> 00:00:52,879 Speaker 2: So the election is upon us, and my family has 14 00:00:52,880 --> 00:00:57,480 Speaker 2: gone through some stuff physically with help wise, and. 15 00:00:57,680 --> 00:01:01,080 Speaker 3: Things have been kind of not in disarray. 16 00:01:01,120 --> 00:01:03,520 Speaker 2: I think we're coming off of that. We're coming into 17 00:01:03,600 --> 00:01:07,120 Speaker 2: like progress mode and all that. But all that to 18 00:01:07,120 --> 00:01:09,800 Speaker 2: say is I have spent a lot more time with 19 00:01:09,840 --> 00:01:13,319 Speaker 2: my family, specifically my parents and aunts who haven't seen 20 00:01:13,400 --> 00:01:17,039 Speaker 2: in years, which is my bad, Like I have to 21 00:01:17,120 --> 00:01:20,240 Speaker 2: process how I see family a lot of the times 22 00:01:20,319 --> 00:01:25,640 Speaker 2: because of my adoption stuff and especially during election times, 23 00:01:25,760 --> 00:01:29,160 Speaker 2: heated election times. As I've talked before, my family is 24 00:01:29,280 --> 00:01:32,240 Speaker 2: very conservative. Myself and my niece are the only ones 25 00:01:32,280 --> 00:01:38,319 Speaker 2: to come out leaning left. And my niece, her stuff 26 00:01:38,360 --> 00:01:43,119 Speaker 2: has been recent since her experience in college and being 27 00:01:43,160 --> 00:01:45,480 Speaker 2: in Atlanta and meeting the people she has, which I 28 00:01:45,520 --> 00:01:49,440 Speaker 2: love for her, and she's having to navigate her own 29 00:01:49,480 --> 00:01:51,520 Speaker 2: family in these times. 30 00:01:51,640 --> 00:01:53,720 Speaker 3: So a lot. It's a lot when it comes to 31 00:01:53,760 --> 00:01:54,360 Speaker 3: my family. 32 00:01:55,280 --> 00:01:59,560 Speaker 2: Being on a intersectional feminist podcast, leaning very far left 33 00:02:00,080 --> 00:02:03,800 Speaker 2: in my political views and all of that has kind 34 00:02:03,800 --> 00:02:06,680 Speaker 2: of put a wedge in my relationship with my family. 35 00:02:06,840 --> 00:02:08,760 Speaker 2: Y'all know that I went through a whole thing about 36 00:02:08,800 --> 00:02:12,519 Speaker 2: my book. My family still doesn't know that I've written 37 00:02:12,520 --> 00:02:15,239 Speaker 2: a book like the things that it would have been celebrated 38 00:02:15,560 --> 00:02:18,240 Speaker 2: in the other family most of the times, not so 39 00:02:18,320 --> 00:02:21,720 Speaker 2: much for my family. And it could be honestly my 40 00:02:21,800 --> 00:02:25,480 Speaker 2: cowardice in all of this aighty you and I've talked 41 00:02:25,480 --> 00:02:27,680 Speaker 2: about that a lot, like things that I don't want 42 00:02:27,720 --> 00:02:31,919 Speaker 2: to face, because the few times that I have talked 43 00:02:31,960 --> 00:02:37,720 Speaker 2: openly has not gone well to the point that we've 44 00:02:37,760 --> 00:02:40,840 Speaker 2: kind of all agreed we would never bring this stuff up. 45 00:02:40,880 --> 00:02:42,440 Speaker 2: My dad will bring it up every now and again, 46 00:02:42,520 --> 00:02:44,960 Speaker 2: just asking how my job went, was going and all 47 00:02:45,000 --> 00:02:45,280 Speaker 2: of that. 48 00:02:45,400 --> 00:02:50,360 Speaker 3: But so there's a lot to be left. 49 00:02:50,720 --> 00:02:54,360 Speaker 2: I guess and said all of that to say, the 50 00:02:54,360 --> 00:02:58,120 Speaker 2: elections are upon us. I had hope for a second 51 00:02:58,200 --> 00:03:02,680 Speaker 2: that my parents, especially my family in general, weren't die 52 00:03:02,720 --> 00:03:07,120 Speaker 2: hard supporters of uh Trump. And I still don't know 53 00:03:07,200 --> 00:03:09,400 Speaker 2: for sure because we haven't brought it up. We haven't 54 00:03:09,400 --> 00:03:12,520 Speaker 2: had that conversation. There are things that I found on 55 00:03:12,680 --> 00:03:15,200 Speaker 2: social media which I don't really follow my family. I 56 00:03:15,560 --> 00:03:19,280 Speaker 2: either like unfollow them, were still like connected but not 57 00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:21,239 Speaker 2: following each other, or I just don't like. My mother 58 00:03:21,320 --> 00:03:23,320 Speaker 2: now has Facebook, and I was like why. I actually 59 00:03:23,360 --> 00:03:26,720 Speaker 2: got very mad at her and went off to the 60 00:03:26,760 --> 00:03:28,600 Speaker 2: point she says something to my sister, and I was like, 61 00:03:28,639 --> 00:03:31,799 Speaker 2: why would y'all let her do this? Because she has 62 00:03:31,840 --> 00:03:34,720 Speaker 2: admitted to me previously when we went through some really 63 00:03:34,760 --> 00:03:38,040 Speaker 2: rough patches in conversation, that she needs to stay away 64 00:03:38,040 --> 00:03:39,880 Speaker 2: from the news because she's being fed a lot of 65 00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:42,520 Speaker 2: information that she doesn't know if it's true, and she 66 00:03:42,600 --> 00:03:45,640 Speaker 2: knows that it has really really tainted her views on 67 00:03:45,760 --> 00:03:46,200 Speaker 2: a lot of. 68 00:03:46,160 --> 00:03:49,920 Speaker 3: Things, including name calling me. 69 00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:53,160 Speaker 2: So a lot of those things have happened, and so 70 00:03:53,200 --> 00:03:55,600 Speaker 2: I was very upset that she was on Facebook because 71 00:03:55,600 --> 00:03:57,360 Speaker 2: I was really worried what that would do for her 72 00:03:57,400 --> 00:04:00,280 Speaker 2: mindset which in misinformation she was going to get, and 73 00:04:00,320 --> 00:04:03,280 Speaker 2: how this is going to affect our relationship because again, 74 00:04:03,840 --> 00:04:04,440 Speaker 2: I love. 75 00:04:04,280 --> 00:04:05,520 Speaker 3: My family, y'all. 76 00:04:05,960 --> 00:04:08,720 Speaker 2: I ride hard for my family and that I will 77 00:04:09,080 --> 00:04:12,120 Speaker 2: protect them. I will make sure that no one you 78 00:04:12,160 --> 00:04:14,800 Speaker 2: can't kill my family. I can show my family you can't, 79 00:04:15,080 --> 00:04:16,280 Speaker 2: you know, type of conversation. 80 00:04:16,920 --> 00:04:18,480 Speaker 3: But I also absolutely know. 81 00:04:19,839 --> 00:04:24,200 Speaker 2: That they have really harmful views and takes on things, 82 00:04:24,760 --> 00:04:29,839 Speaker 2: thinking that they're doing this in good light. So with 83 00:04:29,960 --> 00:04:32,800 Speaker 2: all of that, I've discovered that my brother has a 84 00:04:32,839 --> 00:04:39,840 Speaker 2: picture of supposedly that assassination attempt of Trump doing one 85 00:04:39,880 --> 00:04:42,120 Speaker 2: of his rallies where you know, do the F pump, 86 00:04:42,320 --> 00:04:45,080 Speaker 2: and he. 87 00:04:43,800 --> 00:04:46,000 Speaker 3: He has that as a profile picture. So like, oh 88 00:04:46,080 --> 00:04:49,599 Speaker 3: my god, oh. 89 00:04:49,440 --> 00:04:52,400 Speaker 2: My god, are you idealizing this man because he got 90 00:04:52,480 --> 00:04:55,240 Speaker 2: shot at? And don't get me wrong, that's bad. I 91 00:04:55,279 --> 00:04:58,120 Speaker 2: will always hold to don't do this. This violence is awful. 92 00:04:58,600 --> 00:05:05,080 Speaker 2: But also idealizing them and putting them on a pedestal absurd, absurd. 93 00:05:05,279 --> 00:05:08,480 Speaker 2: But again, so I'm a little worried about what that 94 00:05:08,520 --> 00:05:10,839 Speaker 2: looks like. I have not brought this conversation up. I 95 00:05:10,839 --> 00:05:12,320 Speaker 2: will say for the most part of the brother who 96 00:05:12,760 --> 00:05:15,760 Speaker 2: did this has not said anything to me has not 97 00:05:15,800 --> 00:05:17,920 Speaker 2: provoked me. Used to was upon a time he would 98 00:05:17,960 --> 00:05:19,560 Speaker 2: and we would go back and forth and banter a 99 00:05:19,600 --> 00:05:23,720 Speaker 2: little bit. But since Trump that has not happened. I 100 00:05:23,720 --> 00:05:25,720 Speaker 2: don't think we can banter. I don't think it can 101 00:05:25,839 --> 00:05:28,400 Speaker 2: be a friendly thing. So with all of that, I 102 00:05:28,440 --> 00:05:31,320 Speaker 2: was going to see my family this weekend, and I 103 00:05:31,360 --> 00:05:32,640 Speaker 2: was going to see my mom and dad because I 104 00:05:32,640 --> 00:05:34,440 Speaker 2: haven't seen them a couple of weeks. I didn't I 105 00:05:34,440 --> 00:05:36,960 Speaker 2: wanted to talk with them, make sure everything was okay ever, 106 00:05:37,080 --> 00:05:39,560 Speaker 2: getting updates on everything that was happening with them and 107 00:05:39,760 --> 00:05:42,560 Speaker 2: the rest of the family. And I purposely did it 108 00:05:42,800 --> 00:05:45,920 Speaker 2: where I didn't have to see my siblings just because 109 00:05:45,920 --> 00:05:49,760 Speaker 2: I'm a little worried. At the same time, my mom 110 00:05:49,800 --> 00:05:52,080 Speaker 2: sends outa Hey, we're doing a fall get together this 111 00:05:52,400 --> 00:05:54,440 Speaker 2: at the same weekend and you should all come and 112 00:05:54,440 --> 00:05:56,560 Speaker 2: we're going to do these things, and I had a 113 00:05:56,600 --> 00:05:59,880 Speaker 2: full fledged anxiety attack where it kept me up at 114 00:06:00,279 --> 00:06:03,360 Speaker 2: going back and forth about what excuses I can make 115 00:06:03,440 --> 00:06:06,000 Speaker 2: for coming the day before and not the day that 116 00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:09,440 Speaker 2: she wants the festival, all these things because I did 117 00:06:09,480 --> 00:06:14,560 Speaker 2: not want to deal with with so close to election, 118 00:06:14,720 --> 00:06:20,159 Speaker 2: any conversation that could go near that topic again. I 119 00:06:20,240 --> 00:06:21,720 Speaker 2: go back and forth because I know a lot of 120 00:06:21,760 --> 00:06:26,040 Speaker 2: people activists in general, especially as loud as we are 121 00:06:26,240 --> 00:06:29,440 Speaker 2: on our own activism, go back and forth about well, 122 00:06:29,480 --> 00:06:31,640 Speaker 2: you should be educating your parents, you should be talking 123 00:06:31,680 --> 00:06:32,680 Speaker 2: to your parents. 124 00:06:32,440 --> 00:06:33,280 Speaker 3: And all these things. 125 00:06:33,839 --> 00:06:38,400 Speaker 2: And I can't like when I say that it the 126 00:06:38,480 --> 00:06:41,040 Speaker 2: anxiety was so high and seeing my family because of this. 127 00:06:41,240 --> 00:06:46,680 Speaker 2: Anxiety is already high in general, because we're waiting with 128 00:06:46,839 --> 00:06:51,200 Speaker 2: baited breath about what's going to happen with our future, right, yeah, 129 00:06:51,960 --> 00:06:55,400 Speaker 2: but the anxiety of having to confront my family in 130 00:06:55,480 --> 00:06:59,320 Speaker 2: this moment, knowing that it's only going to ruin our relationship, 131 00:06:59,600 --> 00:07:02,760 Speaker 2: which it feels like it's on thin ice as it is, 132 00:07:04,320 --> 00:07:09,200 Speaker 2: makes it even harder. It's like, in general, to have 133 00:07:09,320 --> 00:07:11,760 Speaker 2: this conversation, and because of the few conversations that didn't 134 00:07:11,760 --> 00:07:16,440 Speaker 2: even really have to do with the election, put us 135 00:07:16,480 --> 00:07:19,480 Speaker 2: in such a state that it felt like I was 136 00:07:19,520 --> 00:07:22,600 Speaker 2: going to lose my entire family, like it that's what 137 00:07:22,640 --> 00:07:25,080 Speaker 2: it feels like. And so I go back and forth 138 00:07:25,200 --> 00:07:29,840 Speaker 2: with that because I feel like I am betraying my 139 00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:34,360 Speaker 2: morals at the same time trying to keep the peace 140 00:07:34,360 --> 00:07:36,480 Speaker 2: with my family so that I can keep my family. 141 00:07:36,840 --> 00:07:37,679 Speaker 3: Does that make sense? 142 00:07:38,160 --> 00:07:51,760 Speaker 1: Yes, I do not think you're alone, and I think 143 00:07:51,840 --> 00:07:57,640 Speaker 1: that some of us have learned the hard way. There's 144 00:07:57,680 --> 00:08:00,360 Speaker 1: just people you're not going to convince. I mean, you 145 00:08:00,400 --> 00:08:06,840 Speaker 1: can't say nothing, right, but I that pressure to be 146 00:08:06,960 --> 00:08:10,160 Speaker 1: like the one who turns them around, right, I just 147 00:08:11,160 --> 00:08:15,720 Speaker 1: I don't think for some if you like know the 148 00:08:15,760 --> 00:08:19,040 Speaker 1: person you're talking to and you know they're entrenched, I 149 00:08:19,160 --> 00:08:22,400 Speaker 1: just I, yeah, I would say, like pick your battles, 150 00:08:22,480 --> 00:08:25,440 Speaker 1: pick them wisely, right, Yeah. 151 00:08:25,560 --> 00:08:27,800 Speaker 2: Yeah, And I think that that's that thing is like 152 00:08:28,560 --> 00:08:29,480 Speaker 2: they know what I do. 153 00:08:30,200 --> 00:08:32,240 Speaker 3: My dad has asked me how I is going. 154 00:08:32,559 --> 00:08:36,920 Speaker 2: My mom kind of listens, dot doesn't ask more questions. 155 00:08:37,280 --> 00:08:40,520 Speaker 3: He did ask me, funnily enough, that's. 156 00:08:40,360 --> 00:08:43,079 Speaker 2: Not a word, how we don't how we keep from 157 00:08:43,120 --> 00:08:47,560 Speaker 2: talking about politics on our podcast, And I was like, well, 158 00:08:47,640 --> 00:08:51,199 Speaker 2: we talk about women's issues, so you know, it's not 159 00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:56,400 Speaker 2: always about the election. And that's what I said, like 160 00:08:56,440 --> 00:08:59,040 Speaker 2: I kept it neutral as possible without saying no, we 161 00:08:59,080 --> 00:09:01,200 Speaker 2: talk about it, but also we talk about it in 162 00:09:01,200 --> 00:09:04,040 Speaker 2: the sense of like I'm very far left and don't 163 00:09:04,040 --> 00:09:08,560 Speaker 2: agree with either politicians to a certain degree, like I won't. 164 00:09:08,960 --> 00:09:12,600 Speaker 2: I think democracy is safeer under one specific candidate than 165 00:09:12,640 --> 00:09:16,200 Speaker 2: the other. We've talked about that, and that's where like 166 00:09:16,480 --> 00:09:19,280 Speaker 2: picking that battle, I'm willing to vote for the person 167 00:09:19,320 --> 00:09:22,280 Speaker 2: who's at least allowing us to disagree with the issues 168 00:09:22,360 --> 00:09:24,920 Speaker 2: at hand, instead of the one who's saying they're going 169 00:09:24,960 --> 00:09:28,160 Speaker 2: to take the army and shut down anybody who disagrees. 170 00:09:27,760 --> 00:09:29,840 Speaker 3: With them, you know, like absolutely. 171 00:09:30,520 --> 00:09:34,000 Speaker 2: But in leaving trying to leave that at the thinly 172 00:09:34,200 --> 00:09:37,439 Speaker 2: veiled like, hey, let's not talk about this because I 173 00:09:37,480 --> 00:09:39,360 Speaker 2: don't think you understood what feminism is if you think 174 00:09:39,400 --> 00:09:44,800 Speaker 2: that we don't talk about politics, right, But that kind 175 00:09:44,840 --> 00:09:49,280 Speaker 2: of ended that, and then interestingly it jumped into I 176 00:09:49,320 --> 00:09:53,720 Speaker 2: had told my mother a while ago, who I've talked 177 00:09:53,720 --> 00:09:56,040 Speaker 2: about my story, my adoption story a little bit with 178 00:09:56,080 --> 00:09:58,440 Speaker 2: my parents, and my mother really feeling like she was 179 00:09:58,440 --> 00:10:02,199 Speaker 2: called by God to a adopted child, not necessarily because 180 00:10:02,240 --> 00:10:04,440 Speaker 2: she was trying to save someone, but like she really 181 00:10:04,440 --> 00:10:06,360 Speaker 2: felt like this is something that she's supposed to do, 182 00:10:06,440 --> 00:10:08,840 Speaker 2: Like this is one of the things that she's supposed 183 00:10:08,840 --> 00:10:11,800 Speaker 2: to do. And then like how she loved this one 184 00:10:11,920 --> 00:10:14,599 Speaker 2: organization that she used, the woman who created it, and 185 00:10:14,640 --> 00:10:16,960 Speaker 2: all these things, like she idealized them and to a 186 00:10:16,960 --> 00:10:21,240 Speaker 2: certain extent, and I came back with hey, I was 187 00:10:21,280 --> 00:10:23,560 Speaker 2: trying to find my records, trying to look at some 188 00:10:23,640 --> 00:10:26,840 Speaker 2: adoption stuff, asking more questions, looking through my identity, and 189 00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:30,760 Speaker 2: she made mention of something, and she brought up this 190 00:10:30,960 --> 00:10:34,280 Speaker 2: old time till, which a lot of Christian people do 191 00:10:35,080 --> 00:10:37,640 Speaker 2: with good intent, you know, you know, they gave you 192 00:10:37,720 --> 00:10:41,280 Speaker 2: up for a better life. They all these things also 193 00:10:41,320 --> 00:10:43,640 Speaker 2: the same, like anti abortion stuff, give them a chance, 194 00:10:43,720 --> 00:10:46,439 Speaker 2: all these things whatever, but this type of rhetoric. And 195 00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:50,720 Speaker 2: I was like, okay, just an FYI, here's the truth, 196 00:10:51,080 --> 00:10:53,679 Speaker 2: did you know? And I had to This is one 197 00:10:53,679 --> 00:10:55,200 Speaker 2: of those moments I'm like, okay, this is something I 198 00:10:55,200 --> 00:10:58,560 Speaker 2: think she can handle. Maybe that you're the organizations that 199 00:10:58,600 --> 00:11:02,480 Speaker 2: I was adopted from. This in a lawsuit because adoptees 200 00:11:02,520 --> 00:11:05,880 Speaker 2: have found out that they actually didn't get permission from 201 00:11:05,920 --> 00:11:08,720 Speaker 2: a lot of the parents or guardians in their adoption 202 00:11:08,800 --> 00:11:12,280 Speaker 2: and essentially STI old kids as a way of profit 203 00:11:12,559 --> 00:11:16,840 Speaker 2: for South Korea and that the South Korean government is 204 00:11:16,880 --> 00:11:19,679 Speaker 2: having to answer to that now. So she was kind 205 00:11:19,679 --> 00:11:22,080 Speaker 2: of like, no, that's not what happened with you. That's 206 00:11:22,080 --> 00:11:26,720 Speaker 2: not what happened. And I was like, you know, grandmother, 207 00:11:26,960 --> 00:11:29,800 Speaker 2: which I was given to the orphanage by my grandmother, 208 00:11:29,880 --> 00:11:33,600 Speaker 2: my biological grandmother. I don't know if she had permission 209 00:11:33,679 --> 00:11:37,000 Speaker 2: or not. That's that part. I don't know to the 210 00:11:37,080 --> 00:11:42,080 Speaker 2: orphanage to be adopted out and relinquished custody. She technically 211 00:11:42,080 --> 00:11:44,480 Speaker 2: does not have that right. As I looked at the records, 212 00:11:44,559 --> 00:11:47,640 Speaker 2: there's no signature, there's no names or nothing. There's nothing 213 00:11:47,679 --> 00:11:50,160 Speaker 2: other than my birth certificate I got after I came 214 00:11:50,200 --> 00:11:54,600 Speaker 2: to the US. There's nothing outside of what orphanage or 215 00:11:54,679 --> 00:11:56,200 Speaker 2: children's own. But at the time it was called then 216 00:11:56,280 --> 00:12:01,520 Speaker 2: orphanage I was located in I. This has been months ago, 217 00:12:01,960 --> 00:12:04,080 Speaker 2: so I left that alone. My mom was kind of 218 00:12:04,120 --> 00:12:07,040 Speaker 2: confused and she's like, but not you, but not this organization. 219 00:12:07,160 --> 00:12:08,200 Speaker 1: Was like, eh, yeah. 220 00:12:09,400 --> 00:12:12,800 Speaker 2: So she found something popped up on her search, like 221 00:12:12,960 --> 00:12:14,920 Speaker 2: on her you know, for you page type of thing 222 00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:18,160 Speaker 2: for you know, Google, when they show you different trends. 223 00:12:18,960 --> 00:12:20,880 Speaker 2: They popped up for her and it was about the 224 00:12:20,880 --> 00:12:26,160 Speaker 2: South Korean lawsuit adopted lawsuit. She started reading it and 225 00:12:26,200 --> 00:12:28,880 Speaker 2: her and my dad have been talking about it and 226 00:12:28,920 --> 00:12:30,840 Speaker 2: they asked me. That's one of the first things they 227 00:12:30,960 --> 00:12:33,160 Speaker 2: asked me when I saw them over the weekend, which, 228 00:12:33,200 --> 00:12:34,680 Speaker 2: by the way, I went to just see them. I 229 00:12:34,760 --> 00:12:36,320 Speaker 2: was able to get out of not seeing the family 230 00:12:36,600 --> 00:12:39,840 Speaker 2: just FYI, and she brought that up and she was like, 231 00:12:39,880 --> 00:12:42,079 Speaker 2: tell us about it, and I kind of had to 232 00:12:42,160 --> 00:12:46,200 Speaker 2: essentially let them know my personal story but also trying 233 00:12:46,200 --> 00:12:49,320 Speaker 2: to ease it for them as to not feel guilty 234 00:12:49,320 --> 00:12:52,080 Speaker 2: because she's like, mom, my mom literally had literally said 235 00:12:52,160 --> 00:12:54,800 Speaker 2: my heart sank when I read this, especially when I 236 00:12:54,800 --> 00:12:57,040 Speaker 2: think about your parents. I'm like, that's not it. I 237 00:12:57,120 --> 00:12:59,400 Speaker 2: don't know what I'm saying to you is I don't 238 00:12:59,520 --> 00:13:02,640 Speaker 2: know what this is happening. And it was the first 239 00:13:02,679 --> 00:13:05,319 Speaker 2: time I ever said the worst parents my father, my 240 00:13:05,960 --> 00:13:10,080 Speaker 2: mother when I was referencing biological parents versus my adoptive parents, 241 00:13:10,200 --> 00:13:12,160 Speaker 2: but I was saying this to my adoptive parents. It 242 00:13:12,200 --> 00:13:17,080 Speaker 2: was such an odd moment of me having to backtrack 243 00:13:18,080 --> 00:13:21,640 Speaker 2: and re restate my biological parents so that my mother 244 00:13:21,720 --> 00:13:25,040 Speaker 2: and my father, my adoptive parents did not feel like 245 00:13:25,240 --> 00:13:27,439 Speaker 2: I was cutting them out like that, you know what 246 00:13:27,480 --> 00:13:30,880 Speaker 2: I mean, Like that wass misidentifying them in my life 247 00:13:30,960 --> 00:13:33,040 Speaker 2: because they are my parents, Like I go back to 248 00:13:33,200 --> 00:13:36,240 Speaker 2: this old thing. And they were very understanding, they were 249 00:13:36,320 --> 00:13:38,439 Speaker 2: very open, they wanted to hear more. They were very 250 00:13:38,480 --> 00:13:40,520 Speaker 2: open to the fact that I called it human trafficking, 251 00:13:41,040 --> 00:13:44,240 Speaker 2: and they're like, you're right, that's what it is. So 252 00:13:44,640 --> 00:13:47,280 Speaker 2: we had a moment. This was one of those moments 253 00:13:47,280 --> 00:13:51,000 Speaker 2: where like, maybe I can talk to them about these issues. 254 00:13:51,160 --> 00:13:53,040 Speaker 2: So this is I promise this is all coming together. 255 00:13:53,840 --> 00:13:56,280 Speaker 2: Maybe I can talk about this issue. Because even though 256 00:13:56,280 --> 00:14:00,520 Speaker 2: it took a long time for my mom to except 257 00:14:00,520 --> 00:14:03,200 Speaker 2: what I was saying to her, as in saying, adoption 258 00:14:03,360 --> 00:14:06,560 Speaker 2: was not necessarily a saving grace, it may have been 259 00:14:06,880 --> 00:14:12,480 Speaker 2: a criminal act. Not that I'm not grateful, and I 260 00:14:12,480 --> 00:14:14,719 Speaker 2: am so thankful to be here again. I know there 261 00:14:14,720 --> 00:14:16,560 Speaker 2: are those who are going to attack. I don't think 262 00:14:16,600 --> 00:14:18,640 Speaker 2: the listeners, I don't think y'all would, but there are 263 00:14:18,679 --> 00:14:21,160 Speaker 2: those in the outside that I've seen attack adoptees for 264 00:14:21,280 --> 00:14:23,960 Speaker 2: having this type of conversation saying that I'm being grateful 265 00:14:24,040 --> 00:14:27,720 Speaker 2: or accusing people like me of being ungrateful. But that 266 00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:30,680 Speaker 2: conversation is a really deep conversation, and you have to 267 00:14:30,960 --> 00:14:37,120 Speaker 2: unlearn a conservative Christian ideological idea ideological thought process that 268 00:14:37,160 --> 00:14:40,280 Speaker 2: you are saving someone because God called you to do something, 269 00:14:40,480 --> 00:14:43,040 Speaker 2: when in actuality, you don't know what the flip side 270 00:14:43,160 --> 00:14:45,240 Speaker 2: of it was. And a lot of the times people 271 00:14:45,240 --> 00:14:49,760 Speaker 2: take advantage of good people, people take advantage of those 272 00:14:49,840 --> 00:14:56,080 Speaker 2: in the hardships in marginalized communities. That's a bigger point 273 00:14:56,080 --> 00:14:59,600 Speaker 2: of this conversation. So with that, the fact that my 274 00:14:59,640 --> 00:15:02,800 Speaker 2: mom ca came back and had this conversation with me, 275 00:15:04,560 --> 00:15:06,920 Speaker 2: had sat down with my father and explained that to 276 00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:10,760 Speaker 2: him to a certain extent, did give me a moment 277 00:15:10,760 --> 00:15:13,560 Speaker 2: of pause of like, maybe I can, maybe I can 278 00:15:13,720 --> 00:15:17,800 Speaker 2: talk about these things. But at the same time remembering 279 00:15:18,280 --> 00:15:22,560 Speaker 2: having a traumatic moment where we sat in a public 280 00:15:22,600 --> 00:15:27,640 Speaker 2: restaurant with her face changing in a way that made 281 00:15:27,680 --> 00:15:35,480 Speaker 2: me feel not ostracized, not necessarily hated, but it was 282 00:15:35,720 --> 00:15:38,320 Speaker 2: like she knew it too, Like when I say her 283 00:15:38,360 --> 00:15:40,720 Speaker 2: face changed in such a way that my face was 284 00:15:40,800 --> 00:15:44,520 Speaker 2: so shocked, that she knew. She told me later when 285 00:15:44,560 --> 00:15:46,520 Speaker 2: we tried to talk a little bit about that moment 286 00:15:46,640 --> 00:15:48,720 Speaker 2: of when you lost it on me for being a 287 00:15:48,720 --> 00:15:54,400 Speaker 2: part of this podcast, that she messed up, like she 288 00:15:54,520 --> 00:16:00,880 Speaker 2: allowed her hatred, her ideology that was formed by Fox News, 289 00:16:00,880 --> 00:16:04,640 Speaker 2: that she told me in newsmas and projected it onto me, 290 00:16:05,520 --> 00:16:09,640 Speaker 2: someone who she you know, loves and cares for, That 291 00:16:09,720 --> 00:16:15,400 Speaker 2: she messed up. But having that moment so like printed 292 00:16:15,480 --> 00:16:20,960 Speaker 2: in my brain pushes away from me to having another talk, like, 293 00:16:21,200 --> 00:16:24,520 Speaker 2: you know, trying to gauge what I can talk to 294 00:16:24,560 --> 00:16:29,480 Speaker 2: my family about without losing them these times, Like it's 295 00:16:29,520 --> 00:16:31,720 Speaker 2: always been kind of odd as I was walking away 296 00:16:31,760 --> 00:16:37,560 Speaker 2: from my Christianity, walking away from my religious beliefs, to 297 00:16:37,880 --> 00:16:43,000 Speaker 2: finding what I think is a better path for me. 298 00:16:44,920 --> 00:16:46,440 Speaker 3: To this to these. 299 00:16:46,240 --> 00:16:50,560 Speaker 2: Extremes of having to have conversations where it makes them 300 00:16:50,680 --> 00:16:55,520 Speaker 2: uncomfortable and having to ask them to unlearn or asking 301 00:16:55,560 --> 00:17:02,960 Speaker 2: them just to recognize that these things are not implicitly 302 00:17:03,200 --> 00:17:05,000 Speaker 2: true and holy and pure. 303 00:17:06,160 --> 00:17:13,800 Speaker 1: Yeah, and it's I mean, it's a lot to manage. 304 00:17:13,960 --> 00:17:17,000 Speaker 1: And I feel that so many of us, so many 305 00:17:17,080 --> 00:17:21,240 Speaker 1: listening can relate to what you're saying, but you have 306 00:17:21,280 --> 00:17:27,600 Speaker 1: the added layers, but that idea of managing other people's 307 00:17:29,040 --> 00:17:33,960 Speaker 1: emotions and how they're going to react, which should be 308 00:17:34,119 --> 00:17:37,560 Speaker 1: we should be able to have those conversations and disagree. 309 00:17:37,600 --> 00:17:42,680 Speaker 1: But it feels like it's reached such a pitch. You 310 00:17:42,720 --> 00:17:48,440 Speaker 1: can't you can't have these conversations about something so important 311 00:17:48,480 --> 00:17:54,440 Speaker 1: to you. You can't have these moments with someone You're 312 00:17:54,480 --> 00:17:59,560 Speaker 1: avoiding being with people like because we it's gotten so polarized. 313 00:17:59,600 --> 00:18:01,560 Speaker 1: In a lot of it, I do think is I 314 00:18:01,560 --> 00:18:03,399 Speaker 1: think you were right to be like don't get her 315 00:18:03,440 --> 00:18:06,960 Speaker 1: on Facebook. I think a lot of it is the 316 00:18:07,080 --> 00:18:14,920 Speaker 1: stuff people are consuming and they're not realizing that the 317 00:18:15,600 --> 00:18:19,520 Speaker 1: opinion or the silence that they might be inflicting. 318 00:18:19,800 --> 00:18:22,280 Speaker 2: Right, you know, I have to come back with they 319 00:18:22,320 --> 00:18:24,720 Speaker 2: also think I'm going to I'm being I'm lost. 320 00:18:24,840 --> 00:18:25,600 Speaker 3: They think I'm lost. 321 00:18:25,680 --> 00:18:27,439 Speaker 2: I think that's the best perspective to put it, and 322 00:18:27,480 --> 00:18:29,400 Speaker 2: so they feel like they've lost me in some way. 323 00:18:30,040 --> 00:18:32,479 Speaker 2: In that segment, they're trying to protect their relationship too 324 00:18:33,280 --> 00:18:38,080 Speaker 2: with me. There's a lot happening, and as this comes 325 00:18:38,080 --> 00:18:42,760 Speaker 2: out on Thursday, it'll be after the twenty twenty four 326 00:18:43,800 --> 00:18:49,800 Speaker 2: technically technically after voting day, and nothing may change, and 327 00:18:49,840 --> 00:18:50,800 Speaker 2: we may be enough people. 328 00:18:50,840 --> 00:18:53,399 Speaker 3: We have no idea. We're prepping. We're preving. 329 00:18:53,640 --> 00:19:06,399 Speaker 1: Like shrew Dinger's cat right now could go either way. 330 00:19:09,080 --> 00:19:09,600 Speaker 3: Trying to. 331 00:19:11,680 --> 00:19:17,720 Speaker 2: Gauge the future, but at the same time trying to 332 00:19:17,920 --> 00:19:23,399 Speaker 2: protect not only my mental health and my emotional health, 333 00:19:23,760 --> 00:19:26,600 Speaker 2: but a relationship that I you know, that that I 334 00:19:28,119 --> 00:19:30,919 Speaker 2: love like that is precious to me. My family is 335 00:19:31,000 --> 00:19:33,879 Speaker 2: precious to me, and they are my family and as 336 00:19:33,960 --> 00:19:37,400 Speaker 2: many things as we disagree on, I know they would 337 00:19:37,400 --> 00:19:38,040 Speaker 2: be there for me. 338 00:19:39,480 --> 00:19:40,280 Speaker 3: If things are bad. 339 00:19:40,960 --> 00:19:41,400 Speaker 1: They know. 340 00:19:43,119 --> 00:19:46,240 Speaker 2: When things are bad, I'm there for them. The minute 341 00:19:46,240 --> 00:19:48,639 Speaker 2: they're in the hospital, I'm with them. Like maybe again, 342 00:19:48,720 --> 00:19:50,440 Speaker 2: my brother and I who are not my oldest brother 343 00:19:50,440 --> 00:19:53,200 Speaker 2: and I are who are not the closest even from childhood, 344 00:19:53,240 --> 00:19:54,840 Speaker 2: who are not close. There's a pretty big age gap 345 00:19:54,840 --> 00:19:59,080 Speaker 2: between us. Anyway, he knows that if he were ever 346 00:19:59,160 --> 00:20:02,080 Speaker 2: in trouble, I will be there, And I know the 347 00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:04,360 Speaker 2: same thing. As much as we disagree with each other, 348 00:20:04,359 --> 00:20:06,960 Speaker 2: which I think is the part that Another part to 349 00:20:07,000 --> 00:20:10,320 Speaker 2: this that really baffles me is that as loving as 350 00:20:10,359 --> 00:20:13,600 Speaker 2: they are and as accepting as they are on a 351 00:20:13,640 --> 00:20:18,840 Speaker 2: personal level, like my niece has tested their boundaries a 352 00:20:18,840 --> 00:20:21,760 Speaker 2: lot by bringing a lot of LGBTQ queer people to 353 00:20:22,119 --> 00:20:25,679 Speaker 2: with them, like openly trans openly like non binary, and 354 00:20:25,720 --> 00:20:28,960 Speaker 2: I love that for her, and they loved them. My 355 00:20:29,040 --> 00:20:33,680 Speaker 2: parents love on them. The things are odd, they will 356 00:20:33,720 --> 00:20:37,000 Speaker 2: say like they will make the whole boomer comment. 357 00:20:36,840 --> 00:20:39,840 Speaker 3: About them essentially, but they accept them. 358 00:20:39,920 --> 00:20:42,680 Speaker 2: They hug them before they leave, they make sure they're fed, 359 00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:44,760 Speaker 2: they make sure they had a good time, they make 360 00:20:44,800 --> 00:20:47,600 Speaker 2: sure that they can come with her anytime they want, 361 00:20:48,880 --> 00:20:54,040 Speaker 2: but on like a bigger voting level, they don't think 362 00:20:54,640 --> 00:20:56,120 Speaker 2: the rights are important for them. 363 00:20:56,560 --> 00:21:03,040 Speaker 3: Like that's the other part that I'm like, I don't Yeah, 364 00:21:03,119 --> 00:21:04,280 Speaker 3: I don't understand. 365 00:21:04,400 --> 00:21:06,560 Speaker 2: I think my family was ready for me to come 366 00:21:06,600 --> 00:21:08,480 Speaker 2: out anxious about it. 367 00:21:09,320 --> 00:21:13,040 Speaker 3: But they were waiting then they would have been they 368 00:21:13,040 --> 00:21:13,480 Speaker 3: were ready. 369 00:21:13,520 --> 00:21:17,959 Speaker 2: They're prepping themselves, yeah, and making sure that I knew 370 00:21:18,040 --> 00:21:20,639 Speaker 2: that I was still welcome, Like even with all of that, 371 00:21:21,000 --> 00:21:27,000 Speaker 2: but they still on a bigger issue, key issue platform. 372 00:21:27,400 --> 00:21:31,360 Speaker 2: Think that that is wrong is just such a divide 373 00:21:31,440 --> 00:21:36,000 Speaker 2: to me that it throws me off because, like I said, 374 00:21:36,040 --> 00:21:40,199 Speaker 2: like as much as I hate, as much as the 375 00:21:40,240 --> 00:21:46,080 Speaker 2: policies they seem to like agree with, they don't on 376 00:21:46,119 --> 00:21:49,560 Speaker 2: a personal level, And it's odd to me. 377 00:21:51,240 --> 00:21:54,320 Speaker 1: That is odd. But I think a lot Again, that's 378 00:21:54,400 --> 00:21:57,879 Speaker 1: like we've talked about that before. When you're like, I 379 00:21:57,880 --> 00:21:59,919 Speaker 1: don't like gay people accept this one that I know 380 00:22:00,200 --> 00:22:06,760 Speaker 1: they're cool. I think people are pretty capable of doing that, 381 00:22:06,800 --> 00:22:09,199 Speaker 1: but it's strange to see it in action because you're like, 382 00:22:09,240 --> 00:22:12,840 Speaker 1: I don't know how you can't translate. I have a 383 00:22:12,880 --> 00:22:20,119 Speaker 1: friend who she constantly she riles her family up, but 384 00:22:20,320 --> 00:22:22,960 Speaker 1: she was asking them like, what is it? What is it? 385 00:22:23,800 --> 00:22:26,639 Speaker 1: Why would you vote for him when I'm telling you 386 00:22:26,680 --> 00:22:29,119 Speaker 1: all of this stuff that impacts me and hurts me 387 00:22:29,200 --> 00:22:31,400 Speaker 1: and my friends and all of this. And they were 388 00:22:31,440 --> 00:22:33,720 Speaker 1: like the economy and she was like, well, it doesn't. 389 00:22:34,160 --> 00:22:37,080 Speaker 1: But the economy doesn't. He doesn't help, but they just 390 00:22:37,119 --> 00:22:39,720 Speaker 1: have this belief in the economy. 391 00:22:40,640 --> 00:22:41,520 Speaker 3: Oh, I love. 392 00:22:41,520 --> 00:22:43,800 Speaker 2: They talk about immigration, and then I to try to 393 00:22:44,119 --> 00:22:45,960 Speaker 2: That was a part of that conversation too with my family, 394 00:22:46,000 --> 00:22:48,119 Speaker 2: because I know immigration is a big sticking point for 395 00:22:49,600 --> 00:22:52,399 Speaker 2: even those who are immigrants anyway, and I was like, 396 00:22:52,440 --> 00:22:54,800 Speaker 2: you know, it was almost sported, and then having to 397 00:22:54,840 --> 00:22:57,160 Speaker 2: explain like a lot of adoptees are deported because though 398 00:22:57,320 --> 00:23:00,520 Speaker 2: the adoptive family doesn't do it correctly and realize that 399 00:23:00,520 --> 00:23:04,120 Speaker 2: they're doing things incorrectly, and they're like, what, but we did, 400 00:23:04,200 --> 00:23:05,960 Speaker 2: And they went through a whole like mind game and 401 00:23:05,960 --> 00:23:08,520 Speaker 2: trying to remember what I'm talking about. But I'm like, 402 00:23:08,600 --> 00:23:12,359 Speaker 2: but these are the laws that actually help enforce kicking 403 00:23:12,480 --> 00:23:14,800 Speaker 2: adoptees out, but you don't think about this. 404 00:23:16,080 --> 00:23:19,879 Speaker 1: Yeah. That's what scares me a lot about conversations that 405 00:23:20,000 --> 00:23:21,719 Speaker 1: get into with people about politics. 406 00:23:21,720 --> 00:23:25,919 Speaker 2: And I'm like, but and also unfortunately, I even just 407 00:23:26,080 --> 00:23:30,280 Speaker 2: but I disagree with like VP Harris's stands on immigration. 408 00:23:31,600 --> 00:23:34,560 Speaker 1: That's the rough. But see, we can at least, like 409 00:23:34,640 --> 00:23:38,480 Speaker 1: you said, push that administration and not. 410 00:23:38,560 --> 00:23:40,320 Speaker 2: Or at least we can argue with them and then 411 00:23:40,400 --> 00:23:42,679 Speaker 2: at least have them talk about it. But the fact is, 412 00:23:42,680 --> 00:23:46,879 Speaker 2: I'm like, honestly, she's probably just as like staunch on 413 00:23:46,920 --> 00:23:48,959 Speaker 2: some of the immigration policies as you want her. You 414 00:23:49,000 --> 00:23:52,480 Speaker 2: want Trump to be I don't. He's just making up 415 00:23:52,560 --> 00:23:54,720 Speaker 2: excuses and acting like he's going to shoot them at 416 00:23:54,760 --> 00:23:55,080 Speaker 2: the wall. 417 00:23:55,240 --> 00:23:57,760 Speaker 3: That's what you like. The hearing of violence. Maybe I 418 00:23:57,800 --> 00:24:00,960 Speaker 3: don't know. I don't know, mm hmmm. 419 00:24:01,320 --> 00:24:04,879 Speaker 1: It's yeah, we're recording this today before, so. 420 00:24:06,880 --> 00:24:09,840 Speaker 4: Any to hear the if you hear the fear and 421 00:24:09,920 --> 00:24:16,200 Speaker 4: the doom and our voices, I mean, honestly, as a 422 00:24:16,240 --> 00:24:20,640 Speaker 4: podcast that has marginalized people, queer people, you know, people 423 00:24:20,680 --> 00:24:22,120 Speaker 4: of color, were frightened. 424 00:24:23,160 --> 00:24:26,080 Speaker 3: Yeah, and this does affect our relationships. 425 00:24:26,119 --> 00:24:29,720 Speaker 1: It does infect. In fact, it does infect and impact 426 00:24:30,119 --> 00:24:36,320 Speaker 1: our relationships. And I've had at least three people text 427 00:24:36,359 --> 00:24:39,679 Speaker 1: me to day before we start recording that we're saying 428 00:24:39,840 --> 00:24:43,000 Speaker 1: like I'm scared. I don't think I can see my 429 00:24:43,119 --> 00:24:48,040 Speaker 1: family anymore. Trump is like that, like people are scared. 430 00:24:51,359 --> 00:24:57,440 Speaker 1: So it's it's a real it's a rough time right now. 431 00:24:59,080 --> 00:25:05,639 Speaker 3: So fam we understand. Yeah, we understand, and we're here 432 00:25:06,359 --> 00:25:09,600 Speaker 3: the other episodes that come, we'll be together. 433 00:25:10,240 --> 00:25:13,920 Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah. And it's one of the strange things about 434 00:25:13,960 --> 00:25:20,200 Speaker 1: podcasting is we're recording this after the election. I mean 435 00:25:20,320 --> 00:25:22,320 Speaker 1: recording this before the election, so you'll listen to it 436 00:25:22,359 --> 00:25:26,879 Speaker 1: after who knows, but I'm sure that the emotions and 437 00:25:27,040 --> 00:25:30,000 Speaker 1: feelings will not be gone and probably we won't know 438 00:25:30,040 --> 00:25:30,719 Speaker 1: the answer by then. 439 00:25:30,760 --> 00:25:31,760 Speaker 3: Anyway, we won't know that. 440 00:25:33,000 --> 00:25:39,280 Speaker 1: But isn't that fun? Well again, we too appreciate you. 441 00:25:40,160 --> 00:25:43,760 Speaker 1: I know it is so rough for so many people 442 00:25:43,840 --> 00:25:46,800 Speaker 1: right now, and so many of you are experiencing same 443 00:25:46,880 --> 00:25:52,960 Speaker 1: things Samantha is talking about. So we are here. We 444 00:25:53,080 --> 00:25:58,080 Speaker 1: love you, love yes, and you can contact us. You 445 00:25:58,160 --> 00:26:02,080 Speaker 1: can email us that stuffid mom Stuff at iHeartMedia dot com. 446 00:26:02,080 --> 00:26:04,159 Speaker 1: You can find us on Twitter a mom Stuff podcast, 447 00:26:04,280 --> 00:26:06,400 Speaker 1: or on Instagram and TikTok at stuff one ever told 448 00:26:06,440 --> 00:26:08,520 Speaker 1: you were also on YouTube. We have a deep public 449 00:26:08,520 --> 00:26:10,440 Speaker 1: store and we have a book you can get wherever 450 00:26:10,480 --> 00:26:13,520 Speaker 1: you get your books. Thanks as always to our super producer, 451 00:26:13,600 --> 00:26:17,640 Speaker 1: Christina who has a birthday coming up. Yeah, our executive 452 00:26:17,680 --> 00:26:20,920 Speaker 1: producer Maya and your contributor Joey, thank you and thanks 453 00:26:20,920 --> 00:26:22,840 Speaker 1: to you for listening. Stuff I Ever Told You is 454 00:26:22,840 --> 00:26:25,000 Speaker 1: production by Heart Radio. For more podcasts from my heart Radio, 455 00:26:25,000 --> 00:26:26,800 Speaker 1: you can check out the heart Radio app Apple Podcasts 456 00:26:26,840 --> 00:26:28,680 Speaker 1: wherever you listen to favorite shows.