Speaker 1: The Nicky Glaser Podcast. Glaser, here's Nicky. Hello, here I am.
Speaker 1: It's Sneaky Glazer Podcast. Welcome to the show. I'm here
Speaker 1: in Saint Louis with Taylor McGraw again. Hello. Hello, You're
Speaker 1: in a fetching laser fetching. It's the only one I
Speaker 1: had at my mom's house. It looks good a show
Speaker 1: at your mom's house watching a cat. Oh? Just I
Speaker 1: just put staring at it. I do. She's very sertable. Wait,
Speaker 1: so you watching a cat though? It is like low maintenance,
Speaker 1: it's nothing.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: She wants me to stay there though, because the cat
Speaker 3: was pissing on the rug. She stopped, and she thinks
Speaker 3: if someone doesn't spend the night there, the cat will
Speaker 3: begin pissing on the rug again.
Speaker 1: It doesn't make any sense. Oh, it makes note.
Speaker 3: That's not why in the first place. But she's she really.
Speaker 1: Wants to day there. Got it?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Are you getting paid?
Speaker 4: No?
Speaker 3: Well no, one time she gave me a little money.
Speaker 1: But you're just doing it out of the kindness. Got
Speaker 1: a blazer yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3: Well isn't your mom's this blazer? No, I'm going to
Speaker 3: wear it to work tomorrow.
Speaker 1: So I had it there got it, Okay. Brian is
Speaker 1: also here.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm blazer less.
Speaker 1: Yeah. What's that shirt? It says since I left you?
Speaker 1: What band is that?
Speaker 2: The Avalanches? Since You've been Australian. Yeah, they did since
Speaker 2: You've been gone. They did all the songs that start
Speaker 2: with since, which I think is only.
Speaker 1: Two since I've fell in love with you. Yeah.
Speaker 2: I don't know. That's just if I fell since. No,
Speaker 2: there's only two sinces. I think it's a It's something
Speaker 2: that the America has been talking about for decades that
Speaker 2: there's not enough.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and they played it on a sens of the Sizer.
Speaker 2: Yes, cool joke.
Speaker 1: Noah's here too. I'm feeling good, I'm feeling sore. I've
Speaker 1: started doing so I have. I'm taping something on December
Speaker 1: sixteenth that I want to look snatched for. And by
Speaker 1: the way, I've been using the word snatched. Way anyone
Speaker 1: wants to hear it? Like you got snatched up? No,
Speaker 1: like you look snatch snatch? Okay? Can I just say
Speaker 1: what I think it means? But I don't know that.
Speaker 1: It's like it's definitely a gen Z word that was
Speaker 1: retired eight to ten months ago. So it was like, no,
Speaker 1: it was like a cool way to say, like, oh,
Speaker 1: she looks snatched, Like it just means you look like
Speaker 1: I like the word it's it makes me feel like
Speaker 1: your skin is pulled back, like you're tight, like you're spy,
Speaker 1: snatching your skin from behind. Your ponytail is snatched from Yeah,
Speaker 1: so beautiful. So I just want to look snatched.
Speaker 2: It's a millennial word for vagina, like.
Speaker 1: Someone snatch your snatched? Okay, so what the gen z
Speaker 1: term definition I have?
Speaker 2: Go ahead, sorry, I'm not don't.
Speaker 1: Dueling, dueling, you get a briand who's going to snatch?
Speaker 2: The number one definition of Urban dictionary is vagina. The
Speaker 2: scent of her snatch.
Speaker 1: They don't the most disgusting visceral sentence possible. The smell
Speaker 1: of her sat elevated, saturated, and I like that. Anyone
Speaker 1: looking that up has to look up the word elevate too, elevator. Wait, whoa,
Speaker 1: you're connected? Okay, wait a second, So what if someone's
Speaker 1: saying like, you look snatched? It looks like someone would
Speaker 1: cannot be.
Speaker 2: Her snatch looked like.
Speaker 1: Now I have at you want it? Okay? Thank you?
Speaker 1: What is it? Okay?
Speaker 5: Used to take the place of on fleek perfect on
Speaker 5: point or fashionable?
Speaker 1: Okay, fashionable, yes, snatched, but what about ate up?
Speaker 3: Which is what one of my students said I was,
Speaker 3: And I said.
Speaker 1: That's not good. That's not good. It is now good.
Speaker 1: It's good you ate that. If they say, oh, she ate,
Speaker 1: like people always are saying that about to so just
Speaker 1: like she ate this. Look.
Speaker 3: Yeah, they said if they saw me on Instagram, they
Speaker 3: would put flame eight ball flame.
Speaker 1: That's how my outfit looked. Okay, what I see that
Speaker 1: eight up? Did drugs?
Speaker 2: Eight that bagel?
Speaker 1: Use it a sentence. It's going to be difficult. The
Speaker 1: pussy fumes coming off, they can discuss the snatch fumes
Speaker 1: coming off from blow her skirt through her moist panties
Speaker 1: made everyone say, wow, she ate. I'm just trying to
Speaker 1: make the most visceral.
Speaker 3: I thought it was like eight out of ten or
Speaker 3: when we were in school, eight up. Men, so many drugs,
Speaker 3: that's eight up.
Speaker 1: Remember well someone, if someone's way wet, it's kind of
Speaker 1: like the same thing.
Speaker 3: Yeah or no, because that's like you just look like
Speaker 3: crap ate up as you did so many drugs that
Speaker 3: you're like stupid. Really, yeah, your brain is ate up
Speaker 3: by acid usually.
Speaker 1: Okay, well that makes sense, like literally like it's eaten. Yes, yeah,
Speaker 1: but if someone says I look like I ate, it's
Speaker 1: usually looks like she's been overeating.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I don't like that. I hate it.
Speaker 3: I would rather be snatched. Although I thought like you
Speaker 3: were snatched when your wig was snatched off, Like I
Speaker 3: thought that was like a drag is another thing that.
Speaker 2: Well, wigging out. That's like millennials.
Speaker 1: Again, No, get back to the nineties.
Speaker 2: So what are they doing? What about doing? They're just
Speaker 2: repeating the words that we are.
Speaker 1: Wait, okay, look up wig for like drag culture. When
Speaker 1: something's wig, I swear to god, that's a term that
Speaker 1: they use.
Speaker 2: Wig is a political party from the seventies.
Speaker 1: Powdered hair. But I'm trying to changed for December sixteenth,
Speaker 1: and so I'm just I'm not. I refuse to eat
Speaker 1: any differently because it's the only thing that I get
Speaker 1: joy out of in my life right now is eating.
Speaker 1: And I refuse to really work out any harder except
Speaker 1: I'm just doing pilates four days a week, and then
Speaker 1: I'm going to work out that's hard days a week.
Speaker 1: As I can plates.
Speaker 3: It doesn't seem that hard.
Speaker 1: It sucks exercise. I really think it is because shout
Speaker 1: out to Kirsten who teaches pilates and does it perfectly.
Speaker 1: And I can't even believe anyone could in holla, oh yeah,
Speaker 1: halla's listening. I can't believe any two of my friends
Speaker 1: have chosen this as a life career. It is so difficult.
Speaker 1: I know that I've talked about it before and I
Speaker 1: was like, I like it because the routine switches up.
Speaker 1: I said to Chris last night, I'm like, I can't
Speaker 1: believe anyone would try this and go this is what
Speaker 1: I want to do forever, because at what point does
Speaker 1: your body remember to do eighteen things at the same time,
Speaker 1: Like when you're going to see a trainer, like a
Speaker 1: regular trainer and they're like do squats, Like there's a
Speaker 1: little bit, like you have to like have good back posture,
Speaker 1: Like there's there's some there's like three things you have
Speaker 1: to have in mind to have like a good form pilates.
Speaker 1: There's literally eighteen things at all at once. You have
Speaker 1: to be a fighter pilot in terms of switching things
Speaker 1: on and off, and everything feels awkward, nothing feels nothing
Speaker 1: makes me go, oh yeah, this is locked in this
Speaker 1: is how my body should feel every time my hips
Speaker 1: are aligned, and they're like, this is how your hip
Speaker 1: should be. I'm like, I feel like I'm playing twister
Speaker 1: right now, like I'm twisted and my hand is on
Speaker 1: yellow and my foot is on the other yellow, Like
Speaker 1: it feels so contorted, and then you have to hold that.
Speaker 1: And yesterday I almost started crying because I'm so frustrated
Speaker 1: in my own personal life, but also it was like
Speaker 1: it was all coming out. I went to therapy and
Speaker 1: I like kind of released the valve a little bit.
Speaker 1: I liked at two. Yeah, and I cried a little bit,
Speaker 1: and I grabbed this box of Kleenex, which, by the way,
Speaker 1: and I know my therapist bodies y, I snatched it.
Speaker 1: I know that therapists are supposed to be supportive when
Speaker 1: you start crying, please, And my therapist isn't watching. That's
Speaker 1: what I love about her. She literally did not know
Speaker 1: what a roast was like when I was like, I'm
Speaker 1: kind of known for the roast, Like I was trying
Speaker 1: to contextualize something about how people expect things of me
Speaker 1: and then I disappoint them. Yeah, And I was like,
Speaker 1: I'm known for the roast, and she's like, so a
Speaker 1: cooking shot like she had, and I go no, They're like,
Speaker 1: you know, there's like a bunch of comedians and like.
Speaker 2: A rancid vagina is.
Speaker 1: And people make jokes about that ramsom vagina.
Speaker 3: Sounds so bad you have to joke. Yeah, no, other requestion.
Speaker 1: She really didn't know what that was. And I was like,
Speaker 1: I like this because she's never going to like google me.
Speaker 1: There's literally, I'm not kidding you. I walk into her
Speaker 1: waiting room yesterday and there's Saint Louis magazine sitting on
Speaker 1: the table and it's me looking at me in the
Speaker 1: waiting Can you snatch it? Because I don't have one.
Speaker 1: I don't think I can, because if that would be
Speaker 1: really wrong, to get caught stealing at your therapist's office,
Speaker 1: that would be like.
Speaker 3: No, it would be something to talk about problem.
Speaker 1: You have a problem, and I would have to talk
Speaker 1: about your friend. Then I did this thing for you,
Speaker 1: even though you stole a lot of things from me
Speaker 1: back in the day. You gotta pay. Yeah. I would
Speaker 1: just go to your kailor I like this necklace and
Speaker 1: she'd go cool, and then I would put it back
Speaker 1: on the rack and then I would walk out into
Speaker 1: the mall and Taylor would just pull it out of
Speaker 1: her pocket and hand it to me. Yeah, and then
Speaker 1: I didn't have to do it quick drawmic gral. That
Speaker 1: magazine is sitting.
Speaker 2: Feel it generate material. You gotta go in there and
Speaker 2: do an hour every week.
Speaker 1: But I do material.
Speaker 2: I don't need someone material.
Speaker 1: No, no, there material perhaps, but I don't need this
Speaker 1: magazine in my life. So I saw it and I
Speaker 1: pointed to it. This is weeks ago when I first
Speaker 1: saw it, but yesterday I was it's still there. It's
Speaker 1: been there like two months, and I saw it two
Speaker 1: months ago. I guess is when I first saw it
Speaker 1: and I pointed out to her. I was like, that's
Speaker 1: me because she came out to get me, and she
Speaker 1: was just like, ah, like didn't care at all, which
Speaker 1: I kind of respect to not even be like, sorry,
Speaker 1: she did it all here. Let me give you say
Speaker 1: that to me, I'll do what she said.
Speaker 2: You should sign it for me right here?
Speaker 1: Oh really okay, like literally just like that's a move
Speaker 1: she's doing.
Speaker 3: She really Now, I don't.
Speaker 1: I would I have would have this woman's number if
Speaker 1: I thought like I'm down for a therapist. Being a
Speaker 1: little sneaky and like trying to put me down and
Speaker 1: like make me not feel so important. I've had that
Speaker 1: therapist before. This one is just doesn't care about.
Speaker 2: Popsicle, so what does she care about bugs?
Speaker 1: She cares about feeling your feelings in your body. But
Speaker 1: what was she doing crazy where the feelings are going?
Speaker 2: So she just goes home and sits out. She has kids,
Speaker 2: so you.
Speaker 1: But she let me go buck wild. Yesterday I was cussing,
Speaker 1: Like I can tell she's like a very like she's
Speaker 1: not prim and proper necessarily, but I don't think she's
Speaker 1: like dropping f bombs a lot. How old is she?
Speaker 1: She's probably forty nine eight seven six something in late
Speaker 1: forties and she so yesterday I was really accessing my anger,
Speaker 1: which apparently is a very good thing for me because
Speaker 1: it lights me up and I feel invincible, And I
Speaker 1: mean I can think most people feel that way when
Speaker 1: they're angry, don't you feel like very good for you.
Speaker 1: I love it when I'm like done and I'm like
Speaker 1: you know what and fuck this shit man, and I like, yeah,
Speaker 1: i feel like I'm no more. There's no more confident
Speaker 1: version of myself. Yeah, there's like that's why my best
Speaker 1: joke from my last special was about old souls, and
Speaker 1: I was like, yeat like because I got angry and
Speaker 1: I was actually angry for that bit. And so when
Speaker 1: I'm angry, it like it really does, like it charges
Speaker 1: me up. It makes me feel like it gives me
Speaker 1: self esteem to be angry, because I think it like
Speaker 1: overrides every other feeling you have because it's such an
Speaker 1: intense feeling and I don't let it in much. But
Speaker 1: so I was talking, Oh, this is what I want
Speaker 1: from her, and she's not listening. But if any therapists
Speaker 1: are listening, because I think we do have a lot
Speaker 1: of therapists listening. I don't know about you guys. Noah,
Speaker 1: you see a therapist regularly, Brian, I don't think you
Speaker 1: do anymore. Taylor, you are one, or you have been one.
Speaker 1: When your client starts crying and there's a tissue box
Speaker 1: across the room that they are aware is there, will
Speaker 1: you please not grab it for me? Will you just
Speaker 1: like my tears fall, because sometimes I think tissues I
Speaker 1: know they're really but just to wipe it up so
Speaker 1: you don't like have tears running down your face and
Speaker 1: like all over your clothes and it's like it's just
Speaker 1: cleaning up a mess. But I think it is trying
Speaker 1: to It's another way of being like what you're doing
Speaker 1: is embarrassing, and you need to clean up this mess.
Speaker 1: Like don't You're not allowed to sit in the tears.
Speaker 1: If I get to the point where I'm crying, I
Speaker 1: don't want to man if I like, for me, crying
Speaker 1: is coming and it's hard to do. Don't throw a
Speaker 1: talent at me to clean up my squirt as soon
Speaker 1: as I like, let me, don't go like, oh god
Speaker 1: and put on your fucking you know, medical goggles or whatever, like,
Speaker 1: don't shame me. It's she's not she's not mean to
Speaker 1: do it. She's being helpful, I would suggest to I
Speaker 1: don't think she's not.
Speaker 2: She's not.
Speaker 1: No, she's every therapist has ever done it. But it is.
Speaker 1: It's it's letting me know that something is wrong, Like
Speaker 1: she's uncomfortable, she wants it clean, embarrass She's not doing that,
Speaker 1: she really all she wants. Every time I even get
Speaker 1: close to crying, she goes, what is that? What's going on?
Speaker 1: And then I go, oh, and I like that because
Speaker 1: she like acknowledges that there's something I'm like, damning up
Speaker 1: and then I release the damns and then she wants
Speaker 1: me to blot it. Noah, do you like a helpful
Speaker 1: like here's some tissues or how do you feel? Like
Speaker 1: what's the response you like when you cry in therapy?
Speaker 5: Well, I've been seeing my therapist remote for a couple
Speaker 5: of years now, but.
Speaker 1: She, like Amazon's.
Speaker 4: Over.
Speaker 5: She's very empathetic when I start crying, She's you know,
Speaker 5: she she's not like a straight face like you know her.
Speaker 5: Her eyebrows kind of like go down a little bit,
Speaker 5: and she like feels for me.
Speaker 1: Right, that's so nice. That's what I should think, Like, huh,
Speaker 1: what would you say eyebrows go down?
Speaker 2: Eyebrows go down?
Speaker 1: How does she show an expression on her face of sadness?
Speaker 1: Express the outer parts of her eyebrows kind of like
Speaker 1: bend down where it's like, you know, look at your chart,
Speaker 1: look at the face chart that the doctor printed up
Speaker 1: for you, and I look at Kitty. I don't know, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I see what you're saying, Like she does house like, oh,
Speaker 1: like her eyebrows become a thatched roof where they like
Speaker 1: are but when I was like a bungalow.
Speaker 5: But when yeah, you were in her office, she would
Speaker 5: she would give me the tissue box, but she would
Speaker 5: just putting on like on the table and not you know,
Speaker 5: like not like like give it to me. Mine is
Speaker 5: like literally throwing them at me and they flutter down
Speaker 5: like she it's it's so immediate that I next time,
Speaker 5: I'm just gonna grab the thing when I get in
Speaker 5: there so that she doesn't have to. Like I don't
Speaker 5: like when people because I'm uncomfortable with crying because I
Speaker 5: feel like I'm just burdening people and then everyone goes,
Speaker 5: oh God, I'm not gonna be able to leave anytime soon.
Speaker 1: Like after this podcast Tailor, I was like, everything is
Speaker 1: like if you had an appointment, you'd have to like
Speaker 1: quietly text them like I'm gonna run late. You can't
Speaker 1: just leave me if I'm crying, Like that's a crazy
Speaker 1: thing to do for a friend. So I feel like
Speaker 1: when I when someone cries around me, I guess I'm
Speaker 1: projecting is that I feel, oh, no, this is gonna
Speaker 1: be a hole to do, like I can't So then
Speaker 1: I don't like to feel that way. I don't like
Speaker 1: to put anyone else in that position. I'm always like
Speaker 1: thinking like, oh, how is this going to make that
Speaker 1: person feel. But at the same time, she has a
Speaker 1: time limit like on her Yeah, like we have a.
Speaker 2: Time and she's getting paid, so you know that's true.
Speaker 1: But I the weird part is so I leave her
Speaker 1: office and I got I scored it out a little tears,
Speaker 1: like not full blown sobbing, and then I had pilates.
Speaker 1: So that was at two and then I had pilates
Speaker 1: at five thirty. I went for a run beforehand because
Speaker 1: I'm trying to like get cardio and and I hate
Speaker 1: anyone talking about trying to lose weight. I'm not trying
Speaker 1: to lose weight. I'm just trying to look shay it
Speaker 1: with me now, sash. And that just means like I
Speaker 1: want my I don't want my I don't want there
Speaker 1: to be a little like run over over my.
Speaker 3: Back like thing your tail and snatched your prone tail
Speaker 3: and I hung you upside down so you're tall.
Speaker 1: I just don't want to have to stand in a
Speaker 1: way that my arm fat won't come over. Even though
Speaker 1: arm fat is not it's not bad, and having backfat
Speaker 1: is fine. It doesn't make me less funny or whatever.
Speaker 1: But I just there's a dress I want to wear,
Speaker 1: and to wear it properly. I gotta look snatched. So
Speaker 1: I went to Pilate's at five point thirty and there
Speaker 1: was like a group exer set, Like I'm sure these
Speaker 1: girls are listening because I think maybe they recognize me.
Speaker 1: But there's like a group of girls, and I picture
Speaker 1: anyone who does pilates regularly and wears like a matching
Speaker 1: nude set that has like a cute bra and it's
Speaker 1: like a mauve color with a matching high waisted like tight,
Speaker 1: you know, scrunchy, scrunchy matching and like a fun ball
Speaker 1: cap and like perfectly white nude trainers, but like a
Speaker 1: matching nude set. We all know it from, like, you know,
Speaker 1: some company called Gypsy and Wine. They're like, you know,
Speaker 1: like it's some Instagram and brand and they're they're definitely
Speaker 1: gonna make an ad for it someday where they're like,
Speaker 1: I honestly, these are all Instagram ads. I'm honestly pissed
Speaker 1: off that this is exists because Gypsy and Wine. Before,
Speaker 1: before Gypsy and Wine, I had so many clothes and
Speaker 1: now this is all I wear. I'm literally angry with
Speaker 1: Gypsy and Wine, Like that's the new angle of these ads.
Speaker 1: Is that they're like mad at the company they're promoting
Speaker 1: because they don't wear anything else and it's reversible and
Speaker 1: it looks so cute, and they're they're always size negative
Speaker 1: eighteen hundred and they're always like and I don't ever
Speaker 1: feel big and this it's like, why would you ever
Speaker 1: feel big? You're so tiny. So these girls were all
Speaker 1: doing their group workout, which is fine, it's like they
Speaker 1: were a class, but and I was doing my like
Speaker 1: individual session over across the room and another woman was
Speaker 1: doing her individual session. And this woman, I'm were like,
Speaker 1: she's she got there a minute later than me and
Speaker 1: we're on the same they're doing the same exercises for us,
Speaker 1: So like I see her like catching up and I'm like, no,
Speaker 1: i should be ahead of her because but I'm slow
Speaker 1: and they have more springs on the board than her,
Speaker 1: so she's like obviously more fit than me. And I'm
Speaker 1: feeling ultra competitive with her, but she's not even looking
Speaker 1: at me. And I loved it, Like she was not
Speaker 1: a I can tell when someone's competing with me. This
Speaker 1: girl did not give them uck and I liked it. Okay.
Speaker 1: She was total. She was like and she was like
Speaker 1: married I could tell she was maybe like a mom.
Speaker 1: Like I just like admired this woman who is my
Speaker 1: age and wasn't comparing herself to me at all. I
Speaker 1: was like, this is a strong bitch. And we're like
Speaker 1: literally on reformers next to each other with different trainers
Speaker 1: doing the same exercises thirty seconds differently, and then there's
Speaker 1: this class going on over there. They finish a half
Speaker 1: hour before are They started a half hour early, so
Speaker 1: they're done a half hour into ours, And then they
Speaker 1: just hang out at the front and they're like talking
Speaker 1: like you do after a class, and they're like friends.
Speaker 1: They're three girlfriends, and they're adorable, and I'm just, you know,
Speaker 1: I'm doing that voice because I'm like jealous of them,
Speaker 1: and anyone who i'm jealous of if I like do this,
Speaker 1: fu it. And so they're like hanging out afterwards and
Speaker 1: stepping water, and this one girl like just kind of
Speaker 1: was like she was just like staring at like I'm
Speaker 1: literally as close as I am to you right now
Speaker 1: three four feet and I'm on the reformer doing like
Speaker 1: a hard exercise where I'm like shaking, and she's like,
Speaker 1: now now you're inner thigh and I'm like, I don't
Speaker 1: feel anything on my inner thigh, like I'm having I'm
Speaker 1: not saying that, but I'm like, I don't feel anything,
Speaker 1: and I'm having to do this weird thing where you
Speaker 1: just like move your leg a little bit and then
Speaker 1: snap back. Curston's probably like I know exactly what that's called.
Speaker 1: And it's so hard, and she's looking at me and
Speaker 1: I you know, at the end of your day, when
Speaker 1: you're super tired, you have no defenses for being a
Speaker 1: complete cunt, yes, like don't die, none. I had none.
Speaker 1: I literally looked at this girl and this is not
Speaker 1: a joke of what I did. And we're this close,
Speaker 1: and I'm like this, so look look me up and
Speaker 1: down and then meet my meet my eyes. I went,
Speaker 1: if you can't stare, you just go you rate, You
Speaker 1: get your eyes really big and you go like what
Speaker 1: are you looking at? Kind of face like your head
Speaker 1: really fat, Yeah, wiggle your head. And I do it
Speaker 1: every day in the car. I fell bad because I
Speaker 1: told Chris about it later and he was like, she
Speaker 1: could have just been tired after her class, you know,
Speaker 1: when you're tired of just kind of like staring. Don't know,
Speaker 1: Like one time I was staring at Casey Mulchler's boobs
Speaker 1: after geometry class, and I think it was like they
Speaker 1: were impressive, but I was just kind of zoning out,
Speaker 1: and who was that? What was that guy's name? Fuck?
Speaker 1: I know you know his name. Fuck, I can't even remember.
Speaker 1: It's like it was he was on the water polo team.
Speaker 1: He was kind of like a little twerp. Anyway, he
Speaker 1: was like, Nikki wanted you take a picture, and like,
Speaker 1: all these boys got me staring at Casey Moschler's boobs,
Speaker 1: and I felt like I was gay and that they
Speaker 1: caught me being gay. So I felt like this girl
Speaker 1: might have done that, and so I owe her an apology.
Speaker 1: If you're listening, I'm sorry I got a rude face
Speaker 1: with you. It was at the end of the day,
Speaker 1: and I didn't feel like I felt like you were
Speaker 1: judging me, because I was probably judging you, and so
Speaker 1: I was just doing the same thing unto you. But
Speaker 1: there was a little part of me that was proud
Speaker 1: of like doing something confrontational because I rarely do that.
Speaker 1: I'm usually just confrontational through like your car and you
Speaker 1: can just zip away in a place when they're like
Speaker 1: within like I was like, what do you want? And crazy?
Speaker 1: It feels good to feel crazy.
Speaker 2: Sometimes, Yeah, why not?
Speaker 1: And it wasn't against an employee, which I've always like,
Speaker 1: really grossed out when people get like that, Like it
Speaker 1: was just another person that I know against an employee.
Speaker 1: I mean, I've done it too, where I and I
Speaker 1: always have to go, Yeah, I have the CEO's problem.
Speaker 1: They're not giving enough money, they're taking too many Christmas bonuses.
Speaker 1: Twelve times and this has happened every time. It's not
Speaker 1: your phone. But on the twelfth day of this Smith,
Speaker 1: I fucking match. All right, we'll be back with the
Speaker 1: more show after this. All right, we're back. So I
Speaker 1: said that I would get to this. Yesterday I was
Speaker 1: doing a meet and greet after the show in San Diego.
Speaker 1: I think this was yeah, and one of our besties
Speaker 1: is there. I don't remember his name. He was adorable
Speaker 1: and I think he was alone, which is cool. But
Speaker 1: he told me that he flew from DC to San Diego.
Speaker 1: I don't know if it was to see my show,
Speaker 1: but he was either visiting there, but he arrived that
Speaker 1: day and he said it was so it was almost
Speaker 1: kismet because he was on the plane and he heard
Speaker 1: someone going like and look at the truck, and look
Speaker 1: at the plane. That's a plane, and those are the wings,
Speaker 1: and that's a man with what are the what color
Speaker 1: of those things? He's waving orange and like and he
Speaker 1: it was behind him, and he was kind of like, Okay,
Speaker 1: I remember Nikki complaining about this, like, we get it.
Speaker 1: You're a good mom. Yeah, everyone on the plane has
Speaker 1: to know that you are just really zoned into your kid,
Speaker 1: and your kid is just getting the best education. Homeschool queen,
Speaker 1: plane school queen. And then he was getting off the
Speaker 1: plane and this woman was talking to her dog. He
Speaker 1: is a new level. That's not true. Yes, he was
Speaker 1: one hundred percent donated. I'm making up those things. He
Speaker 1: was saying that she was narrating the you know air field.
Speaker 3: Oh, I thought you were want to say to her
Speaker 3: like disabled sons.
Speaker 1: I mean that would be that would be sweet. I
Speaker 1: mean yeah, it would be I would feel bad. It's fine,
Speaker 1: But does that have to be so loud? Don't kids
Speaker 1: have amazing hearing? Can't we whisper?
Speaker 3: You can't know? They definitely want you to let.
Speaker 1: You know I'm a really involved parent.
Speaker 6: Oh, look at her shirt? Is that Taylor Swift look
Speaker 6: at the stars on her necklace match the stars on
Speaker 6: her share and I'm just like, I don't even know
Speaker 6: what to say.
Speaker 2: You don't have to talk like that either, Like you
Speaker 2: don't have to talk like you're.
Speaker 1: Yeah, make the child not be good? Yes, I started, Oh,
Speaker 1: I was this hap That actual conversation the stars on
Speaker 1: her shirt match the stars on her necklace happened on
Speaker 1: my Taylor Swift shirt on the morning on San Diego
Speaker 1: on Sunday when I was leaving the hotel and this
Speaker 1: little girl, she must have been like three or four,
Speaker 1: was just like, what's that? And she was talking about
Speaker 1: my guitar and she pointed at it and her mom goes,
Speaker 1: that's a guitar, and I said, that's a guitar and
Speaker 1: then and she was really cute. She had glasses, which
Speaker 1: always makes kids amplify, like their eyes are like fourteen
Speaker 1: times bigger with those big Why do kids glasses always
Speaker 1: make like they don't look like normal glasses. They always
Speaker 1: make their eyes look really.
Speaker 3: Big because they're because they're like far sighted, because colins
Speaker 3: make his eyes look small.
Speaker 1: But some people make your boyfriend Colin is your boyfriend.
Speaker 1: And but anyway, she had those big, you know, cute
Speaker 1: eyes because she had those big thick glasses on. She's like,
Speaker 1: what is that? And then her mom goes and I
Speaker 1: bet she's really good at it, and I go, I'm not,
Speaker 1: and I just like cut it like because I'm just
Speaker 1: like I don't want kid, and like, also I'm not
Speaker 1: and that's okay, and I go, I'm not and I go,
Speaker 1: but that's why I practice very hard, because if I
Speaker 1: practice a lot, then I get And then I had
Speaker 1: to like make it a lesson. But don't play your
Speaker 1: that you're very good at it on me. I know
Speaker 1: she's trying to be nice and she probably thought I
Speaker 1: was a professional, because everyone does when I'm traveling with
Speaker 1: a guitar, and I always just say I'm a hobbyist
Speaker 1: and that I suck and I just do it for fun.
Speaker 1: And oh and then I was getting on the plane,
Speaker 1: this guy goes, what model is your tailor? And I
Speaker 1: had to take out my fucking air but and I go,
Speaker 1: what what model is your tailor? I don't know what.
Speaker 1: Like we I am walking on the aisle. I understand
Speaker 1: if you say that at the gate and you're trying
Speaker 1: to spark up a conversation and flirt with a girl
Speaker 1: I'm walking by. There's like, no, and I know he
Speaker 1: was just an old man trying to connect seven point three.
Speaker 1: I just said, it's a baby tailor. I don't know,
Speaker 1: It's just the kind you can travel with. I I
Speaker 1: wouldn't know the model of my car if I had
Speaker 1: a car. I don't know the model of my car.
Speaker 1: I do have a car, my mom's car, and I
Speaker 1: even know you had a car. I know the make
Speaker 1: of it. The make is a Lexus, right, That's what
Speaker 1: the make is, and then the model. It's a bunch
Speaker 1: of letters and numbers that I would be wasting my
Speaker 1: time memorizing.
Speaker 3: Chris every I made up.
Speaker 1: I think Christ knows every model of every car. And
Speaker 1: because he cares, I don't understand remembering. And because I
Speaker 1: was like, I saw this Mercedes I really liked. It
Speaker 1: was like boxy, but in the front it was kind
Speaker 1: of round. He's like, oh, yeah, the CS twenty for
Speaker 1: hl oh, and I think that's the DS version. I'm like,
Speaker 1: how would you remember all this random? There's no rhyme
Speaker 1: or reason any of it. Although I do think I
Speaker 1: want to get a Mercedes Glah. I can put ser
Speaker 1: because I think that's cool. I would literally get a
Speaker 1: car just for that reason or like a good looking
Speaker 1: Yeah they are, I do miss having. I was driving
Speaker 1: Mercedes during yeah, oh custom plates. I think I would
Speaker 1: do it though, even though it's banging for attention. It's
Speaker 1: a vanity plate. That's what they're called. Oh yeah, and
Speaker 1: you're right, yes, and vanity should be the name of
Speaker 1: it because you you went the extra ount you paid
Speaker 1: and you and you like you tried a few different
Speaker 1: combinations sing.
Speaker 2: I don't think I've ever.
Speaker 1: Instead of an A and you put in I saw
Speaker 1: the best one ever? What was it? It said demon?
Speaker 3: Not demon one? And I can't believe I'm saying this.
Speaker 3: There's not a lot of Missouri listeners, but it wasn't
Speaker 3: a Missouri plates. I'm gonna try to get it, okay, demon,
Speaker 3: Oh you're.
Speaker 1: Going do you think people are going to beat you
Speaker 1: to demon? You're gonna try to ask you want demon baby?
Speaker 1: Because I want you know what, do you ever send
Speaker 1: an email and or it was back in the day
Speaker 1: and it would go to the wrong person. You would
Speaker 1: write that mailer, little lad a little scamp, being like
Speaker 1: that's not the right email. I'm gonna send you a
Speaker 1: notice Mailer Demon, he returns it to your mailbox. Demon scam,
Speaker 1: little scamp. I like mailer Demon always made me laugh
Speaker 1: so hard. I would get a vanity plate, but actually
Speaker 1: I wouldn't because it's too much effort. But I don't
Speaker 1: think they're not fun when people have them. I'm not like.
Speaker 1: I actually think they are cool. I just don't know
Speaker 1: that I would do it. I think bumpers aren't cut either.
Speaker 1: I like them. I think you are risking getting your
Speaker 1: car keyed. You're risking being like everyone thinking you're lame.
Speaker 1: I think actually having bumper stickers is cool because you're
Speaker 1: risking doing a thing wherever almost everyone thinks it's lame
Speaker 1: when you have bumper stickers, unless you have a really
Speaker 1: good one like BNS. Remember when Huffey in high school
Speaker 1: had BNL. Remember those ones that are just like three letters.
Speaker 1: It'll be like adirondacks, a R, yes, or like DM
Speaker 1: and it was like a cool, like white hat thing
Speaker 1: to do. Speaking of yesterday's white hat, thanks, but Huffy
Speaker 1: had BNL for band Naked Ladies. Who are you are
Speaker 1: a great band? I heard Chris's show talking shit about
Speaker 1: well Chris was talking about.
Speaker 3: It, and I was like, gonna be trouble, and he
Speaker 3: gets on.
Speaker 1: You can't tell me that Brian Wilson is a bad song,
Speaker 1: and you can't tell me that my Old Apartment is
Speaker 1: a bad song. And you can't tell me that You're
Speaker 1: a good boy is a bird song because you're a
Speaker 1: bad boy if you think so. But okay, so what
Speaker 1: I will say about Oh, there was a vanity plate
Speaker 1: once in l A and I'm not joking you. It
Speaker 1: said it said something like to the effect it's maybe
Speaker 1: not the exact thing. I tried to get a picture
Speaker 1: of it, but it was he was driving too fast
Speaker 1: because he was cool. He was really cool, but you
Speaker 1: would at first I thought kah because his license plates
Speaker 1: said I don't care, Like it was just like yeah,
Speaker 1: it was like it was something like id O N
Speaker 1: C R ear like it was that would be I
Speaker 1: don't see her, I don't but it was I don't care.
Speaker 1: It was very clearly that however he wrote it, and
Speaker 1: at first I did think, kid, don car, id your
Speaker 1: don car. I think it could have something like that,
Speaker 1: but it was truly his. His vibe was I don't care,
Speaker 1: and his car wasn't that cool, like it was just
Speaker 1: like a It was probably like a super Yeah.
Speaker 2: But if you're doing a vanity plate that says I
Speaker 2: don't care, that means you do care. If you really
Speaker 2: didn't care automatically, that says that.
Speaker 1: But I'm not joking you. This guy, because he had
Speaker 1: announced that, everyone kind of got out of his way
Speaker 1: and everyone wanted to be him and was trying to
Speaker 1: follow him. He ruled the road on the on the
Speaker 1: one oh one. I drove behind him for twenty miles
Speaker 1: trying to like and he was he was out of
Speaker 1: sight because I was like, oh, at first, everyone hates
Speaker 1: this guy, but then they truly are like, no, I
Speaker 1: want him to like me, Like we were all trying
Speaker 1: to keep up with him. He really set the tone
Speaker 1: because I think that's the thing everyone wants to be is,
Speaker 1: is if someone doesn't seem to care, everyone wants their attention. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's true, And it made me realize that announcing you
Speaker 1: don't care is a kid so not caring.
Speaker 3: It's a way to tell yourself if you're not going
Speaker 3: to care. I just thought a really good one I
Speaker 3: saw and on the one on one also and it
Speaker 3: said I'm ninety and what I've tried really hard to
Speaker 3: catch up and look, and they were indeed ninety in there.
Speaker 1: Isn't that good?
Speaker 3: Like, don't be mad at me if I drive, so maybe.
Speaker 1: But also don't get me old to be driving. Well,
Speaker 1: they weren't. They were doing a good job. Isn't that
Speaker 1: too old?
Speaker 2: It depends.
Speaker 1: There's a waste teacher my voice teachers in his sixties,
Speaker 1: and he just told me that getting his pilot's license
Speaker 1: because he let it lapse. If he got it again,
Speaker 1: it would be very difficult because of his age. Because
Speaker 1: they don't want people up there having heart attacks, like
Speaker 1: just passing out because they stayed up late to watch
Speaker 1: sixty Minutes the night before, so they that it would
Speaker 1: be hard to get a night. It doesn't makes sense.
Speaker 1: That would be a sad day. That isn't getting old
Speaker 1: fucking blows dude, when you like lose, That's why I
Speaker 1: always say that I hatem losing fertility, because it's the
Speaker 1: first thing you lose. It's the first signal of yeah,
Speaker 1: I know, well, it's the first signal that like sorry,
Speaker 1: like you're gonna die before you ever get this again.
Speaker 1: Like there's nothing else in life that you lose until
Speaker 1: fertility College things start to go lose collagen collagen, but
Speaker 1: you still have a little bit and you can still
Speaker 1: get You can do things to get I guess you
Speaker 1: could adopt and stuff like that. There's still things that
Speaker 1: give you the aura of like I have, I have fertility.
Speaker 1: But fertility, I think, is the first thing taken from you.
Speaker 1: And men don't have it taken from them obviously, so
Speaker 1: I'm trying. I think the first thing that's taken from
Speaker 1: men is hair. Yeah, that's a good point. But you
Speaker 1: can get a nice function, but you can get it back.
Speaker 1: Boner ability, bonerabilities.
Speaker 2: It's like the slow degradation that is that is bothersome
Speaker 2: to me, is just like all of a sudden, this
Speaker 2: thing hurts.
Speaker 3: When us degrading.
Speaker 2: Yeah, like the penis just keeps like little parts of
Speaker 2: it hurts.
Speaker 7: Hurts.
Speaker 1: Yeah, the jina does degree it does. Yeah, it dries out,
Speaker 1: snatch it, it gets moisture, it gets.
Speaker 2: Everything starts sagging everything.
Speaker 3: No, I think it becomes tight because it gets dry.
Speaker 1: Oh you would think, I don't think so mine is.
Speaker 1: I think like most skin on your face around your
Speaker 1: it gets jowy, is what Anya said. And I'm musing
Speaker 1: them in my set but mine is definitely. I'm like
Speaker 1: all worried about getting a brow lift, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: I gotta double do it. I'm gonna have something done
Speaker 1: down there because I see what's happening like in most
Speaker 1: days a brow lift. Yeah, I'm gonna get a brow
Speaker 1: lift down there. I'm gonna have them lift my brow
Speaker 1: so much that it pulls up my vagina. It gets lifted,
Speaker 1: it's gonna they're gonna have to really snatch it back though.
Speaker 1: But yeah, I think your vagina. I remember hearing Joan
Speaker 1: Rivers do a joke about how her vagina fell and
Speaker 1: now she looked down with her She looked at one
Speaker 1: day and said, I didn't know I was wearing bunny
Speaker 1: slippers and like it's like on her feet. And I
Speaker 1: never understood that joke. Like I was always just like okay,
Speaker 1: but now I really get it. I'm like, oh, gravity
Speaker 1: affects every area. And if you have like your lips,
Speaker 1: not really because those lips are so light. I'm talking
Speaker 1: about the outer, outer, outer where it's like the skin area,
Speaker 1: that's the part that starts to droop.
Speaker 3: I think it looks like a bunny. In fact, it
Speaker 3: does look like bunny's ears.
Speaker 1: In fact, yes, but you can just get him I think, yeah,
Speaker 1: it would that would be easy ish surgical procedure, but
Speaker 1: still a fucking pain in the ass.
Speaker 3: It's still annoying pain in the vadge.
Speaker 1: I was talking to Whitney Commings about getting a brow
Speaker 1: lift and she was like, dude, do it, because maybe
Speaker 1: that's what you need to take a break, you know,
Speaker 1: like the last time I have surgery, I like took
Speaker 1: a break from work. And she's like, maybe that's the
Speaker 1: only way that you'll vacation. And I was like, that's
Speaker 1: actually really smart because I don't do it otherwise. But
Speaker 1: if because I was talking to him, like, when does
Speaker 1: anyone have to time to get the ship done? That's what? Yeah,
Speaker 1: she she I don't think she's done surgery, but like
Speaker 1: she she gave me the number of some guy that's
Speaker 1: going to be amazing. So I'm going to get that
Speaker 1: done at some point. But I can't. I almost can't
Speaker 1: do it before I'm taping this thing December sixteenth, and
Speaker 1: it will probably come out in like March, so I
Speaker 1: probably have to do it in like July. What does
Speaker 1: it do what? It'll just make me look like like
Speaker 1: my old self. Like, just pull back things. I thought
Speaker 1: they were going up. Okay, No, it's not going to
Speaker 1: be like I'm constantly shocked, like you're constantly telling me
Speaker 1: you're pregnant. No, it's like I just want to.
Speaker 2: To look like, do you lose your ability to going and.
Speaker 1: Under anesthesia where you might die?
Speaker 2: Do you lose the ability to make certain expressions you
Speaker 2: might not?
Speaker 1: I think they have No. No, No, that doesn't happen.
Speaker 1: Ye for that, but doesn't happen anymore.
Speaker 2: That's old.
Speaker 1: We all think about surgery and it's like people either
Speaker 1: going to shitty doctors. I'm going to go to somewhere
Speaker 1: who has done celebrities and I know, oh not everyone
Speaker 1: has that privilege. So I'm sorry if you have to
Speaker 1: go to a shitty doctor, but you don't have to.
Speaker 1: There's a if you go. If you're spending fifty thousand
Speaker 1: dollars on your face already, you're in a like find
Speaker 1: a good person. If you're spending that much money on something,
Speaker 1: find someone who's done examples of work that you're like,
Speaker 1: I like that, and that make people look like a
Speaker 1: younger version of themselves that don't look like a totally
Speaker 1: different person. If I end up looking like a different person.
Speaker 1: I'll go with it. I'll run with it, like who
Speaker 1: cares someone is everyone going to be like, we don't
Speaker 1: love you anymore?
Speaker 3: What about Jennifer Gray? Nobody loved herning.
Speaker 1: That's an example, I give him my stand up. No
Speaker 1: that the only reason people didn't love her is because
Speaker 1: they knew. It wasn't that she she looked better, to
Speaker 1: be honest, like she looked aesthetically not better, like it's
Speaker 1: the eye of the beholder. But most people would argue
Speaker 1: her class like classically, beautiful, symmetrical, all those things. She
Speaker 1: looked better post nos jup. But the reason she stopped
Speaker 1: working was because everyone knew she got one. And it's
Speaker 1: shameful and it's embarrassing and it's like ew, like that's
Speaker 1: really sad and it was such a sh aimeful thing
Speaker 1: that we created in the media of like we know
Speaker 1: you got a nose job. That's why celebrities get those
Speaker 1: jobs whittled down slowly through the years so that you
Speaker 1: don't notice because she lost all of her work, and
Speaker 1: it wasn't because her talent was in her septum, Like
Speaker 1: it's like she was still talented. Why didn't she work anymore.
Speaker 1: It really was because people were like, you're sad. And
Speaker 1: this is why people like Jennifer Lopez lie about getting
Speaker 1: plastic surgery because they know that people will go, oh,
Speaker 1: you cheat it. That's sad, even though they all fucking
Speaker 1: do it, but they don't say they do it, because
Speaker 1: if you say you do it, you get shamed. That's
Speaker 1: why you know, people don't respect people make fun of
Speaker 1: Kathy Griffin for having work because she's honest about people
Speaker 1: make fun of John Rivers having work because it looks
Speaker 1: like make.
Speaker 2: Fun of Kathy Griffin. That people just don't like Kathy Griffin.
Speaker 1: God, they really don't.
Speaker 2: Man, But did you see that Jennifer Gray's nose went
Speaker 2: on to have a career on Broadway? I want to
Speaker 2: it was nominated for a Tony didn't win those.
Speaker 1: I mean, another theory of why she lost work after
Speaker 1: she got her nose done, I would love to hear it, like,
Speaker 1: did she get less talented? Did she look so different
Speaker 1: that she wasn't a leading lady anymore? Like she arguably
Speaker 1: did look better.
Speaker 3: I thought like the care character was gone out of
Speaker 3: her face and she just looked like everyone else, when
Speaker 3: before she had like a striking. Since when is that
Speaker 3: a problem? Not it? I think then it might have
Speaker 3: been now not at all. Now they want everyone to look.
Speaker 1: Okay, that's that's actually a theory I will I will accept.
Speaker 1: But I still think that it was mainly because people
Speaker 1: were like, you got a nose job and that is
Speaker 1: so sad. You're sadates, I've got it. Yeah, that's like,
Speaker 1: I don't. Pilates is so hard. Wait have you guys
Speaker 1: done it ever? Any of those?
Speaker 2: Yeah? I do it all the time. It's the hardest exercise.
Speaker 1: Wait, how do you I said to this woman, if
Speaker 1: I couldn't, if you weren't here, there's not a chance
Speaker 1: I would be doing this at all correctly. I couldn't
Speaker 1: get this in a So do you have a coach, Brian?
Speaker 1: Because no one, no one is doing pilates on their
Speaker 1: own the correct way. I don't believe unless you are
Speaker 1: a pilate's instructor, you're doing the wrong form. Because I
Speaker 1: can work all day to get in the right form
Speaker 1: and like remember it in my body, like you were
Speaker 1: saying about your pasture. Kirston taught you, Like, yeah, that's right.
Speaker 1: People do they You can't remember pilates because it doesn't
Speaker 1: feel right. It doesn't even feel like you're doing.
Speaker 3: The muscles go around to support the correct business.
Speaker 1: Telling me to suck in my ribs to my spine.
Speaker 1: I don't know what that means to me. That means
Speaker 1: just sucking it and then I have no breath. It
Speaker 1: doesn't make sense. I don't like pilates. It angers me.
Speaker 1: I don't know when this is all just going to
Speaker 1: click and I'm just gonna feel strong everywhere. But I'm
Speaker 1: gonna keep doing it. I'm doing pilates four times a
Speaker 1: week for the next five weeks. That's got to give
Speaker 1: me something. If I don't see results, people tell me
Speaker 1: Pilate's changed my body, change my life. Wait, what did
Speaker 1: you say.
Speaker 5: You're doing You're gonna be doing it so much you're
Speaker 5: going to turn into a coach.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're might. I mean that's what happened. Let's yeah,
Speaker 1: that's true, it did happen all. I just don't understand
Speaker 1: ever doing this unless you are getting ready for taping something.
Speaker 1: I mean, I don't or like your wedding. I guess
Speaker 1: is people's version of what I'm doing.
Speaker 3: I think once you get into the shape, you get
Speaker 3: into the position, then your muscles form around it. Then
Speaker 3: you know the position, and then once you feel so good,
Speaker 3: you want other people to feel that good, okay thing,
Speaker 3: you've achieved it, and then you can do the things effortlessly,
Speaker 3: do the like.
Speaker 1: And then it's just fun. And then it's like you
Speaker 1: just get an easy workout. Right, It's like, stand up.
Speaker 2: I feel like your whole day you're putting yourself in
Speaker 2: the wrong position and your muscles are doing the wrong thing,
Speaker 2: and pilates is just slowly trying to correct that but
Speaker 2: failing over the course of time, Like you'll never be
Speaker 2: able to catch up to your shitty day of muscular positioning.
Speaker 1: That's what I'm saying. Like, unless I do pilates fifteen
Speaker 1: hours a day for six months, I don't think my
Speaker 1: body is going to start learning it. But I'm going
Speaker 1: to trust. I'm gonna trust the reformer. I'm gonna trust
Speaker 1: all the weird little equipment that makes me feel like
Speaker 1: I'm disabled and needing to get into a pool, Like
Speaker 1: it all looks like equipment, like you know, physical therapy equipment.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna trust it.
Speaker 3: And it's very scientologist, isn't it like the reformer. It
Speaker 3: sounds like something you have to, like.
Speaker 1: My instructor, think, God doesn't make me do a weird
Speaker 1: thing like you get you have to get on the
Speaker 1: reformer and you have to like put your hands like
Speaker 1: a genie in front of you, and then you have
Speaker 1: to stand with your pilate stance and then lower. She
Speaker 1: just lets me get on it, and I'm like, thank
Speaker 1: you for like not making me honor this machine anyway.
Speaker 1: But I do have to clean it up every single
Speaker 1: time because I leave behind spray tand sweat that's like
Speaker 1: orange sweat, and people are confused. All right, we gotta
Speaker 1: go to break. We'll talk about more stuff when we
Speaker 1: get back after sweat. Alrighty, let's get to read it, dumb,
Speaker 1: this is your redit, dumb. Ugh, God, my voice really
Speaker 1: read yeah, because it's before my vocal court surgery, and
Speaker 1: I would not have noticed. I like actually used to
Speaker 1: enjoy that before I got vocal cord surgery and start
Speaker 1: doing voice lessons. That is someone's voice who is in
Speaker 1: distress and trauma. That is a traumatic. It's weird we
Speaker 1: do I'll redo it because that was not It's just.
Speaker 5: Do you still have that mic karaoke microphone?
Speaker 8: Oh?
Speaker 1: I have three of those microphones, now karaoke microphone. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I love karaoke so much. And when you go to
Speaker 1: a karaoke room, they only have one or two mics,
Speaker 1: and one of them is usually shiite like breath. Yes,
Speaker 1: so I have three of these that are boom as
Speaker 1: loud as a karaoke system, so multiple people can sing karaoke, because,
Speaker 1: if you know me, I like doing karaoke, but I
Speaker 1: like multiple people to sing with me, so I don't
Speaker 1: feel like I'm like getting too much attention and stealing
Speaker 1: the spotlight. Okay, let's do uh, let's do one of
Speaker 1: the videos I sent you. Okay, Noah, can I do
Speaker 1: the one with the hat?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: I don't remember this one. It's been so long.
Speaker 5: Okay, so this is you sent it to me. Actually
Speaker 5: it's on Instagram. It's uh Hannah Dickinson.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, this was so funny.
Speaker 4: I saw something very upsetting. I saw a girl holding
Speaker 4: onto a guy whose hat.
Speaker 1: Was like this, It's like resting on top of her
Speaker 1: head like a ball gap, like literally just sat.
Speaker 4: If a man cannot commit to a hat that's literally
Speaker 4: on top of his head, probably is unable to commit
Speaker 4: to you.
Speaker 1: This is genius. I mean, this is ridiculous. It's so
Speaker 1: daintily touching.
Speaker 4: It's just so unnecessary. It's not even like it was
Speaker 4: daylight and he needed a melanima shield. I just like
Speaker 4: taking it off, taking a break. It was like he
Speaker 4: just fully went out like this for an evening. It's
Speaker 4: so because I don't understand how they think the ladies
Speaker 4: like you deserve to be more than just another accessory
Speaker 4: that a man is unsure about.
Speaker 1: Yeah doing Hans Dicky is her h A n S
Speaker 1: Dicky d ic k I E on Instagram. She's so funny,
Speaker 1: But that that killed me. It reminded me of you know,
Speaker 1: because she kind of like talks like you. And because
Speaker 1: she said melanoma. I like that because you have a
Speaker 1: malasma hat. Christ and I have our malasma hats because
Speaker 1: malasma's like when your skin gets tinted, Yeah, from the sun.
Speaker 5: You just get these like dark spots and it takes
Speaker 5: forever to like buff them out of the skin. So
Speaker 5: we just have to wear these like gigantic brim melanoma hats.
Speaker 1: Oh so you can buff them out though, like they
Speaker 1: eventually like shed with your epidermis. Uh, if you're lucky,
Speaker 1: they like for it.
Speaker 5: Yeah, like through a lot of what is it like
Speaker 5: hydro something like just a bunch of chemicals and lasers.
Speaker 1: And stuff like that. What about when you do have
Speaker 1: you done a spray tand do they light up on
Speaker 1: the spray TND? Because I have certain spots in my
Speaker 1: body that like capture a spray TND and hold it
Speaker 1: tight and the rest of my skin will not never
Speaker 1: tried to. I think it's the same thing maybe, but yeah,
Speaker 1: that hat placement is so funny and so ridiculous. And
Speaker 1: the fact that a girl was like holding on to
Speaker 1: that guy is also a very funny image.
Speaker 3: Yeah, like please any wind that thing would be worn.
Speaker 5: Wonder like, what what is that trend? It's like basically
Speaker 5: backwards hat and the hat is not it's just on
Speaker 5: the head like what a top with the hair?
Speaker 1: But then why.
Speaker 3: It's because they don't care. It's because they're so chill.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, no, no, nobody's not like that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's the driver of the I don't care.
Speaker 2: Yeah, guys, what the hat cares more than any care?
Speaker 2: Oh ridiculous. Stop. I mean, these people care more than
Speaker 2: anybody in the world.
Speaker 1: They're trying to convention they don't.
Speaker 2: But I don't care. Persons also doing.
Speaker 1: That, But I'm just telling you it works.
Speaker 2: In order to keep that hat on his head like
Speaker 2: that in that perfect position is more difficult to hat normal,
Speaker 2: so he's got to spend all day making sure it
Speaker 2: stays on there like that. If it could get blown off,
Speaker 2: it could go down a little bit. For God's sake.
Speaker 1: I feel the same way. And that don't sit. This
Speaker 1: is not a racial thing. I'm because white guys do
Speaker 1: it too. But wearing your pants super baggy where it
Speaker 1: looks uncomfortable and you could not run in sprints.
Speaker 3: I've ever seen someone try to start running and then
Speaker 3: they kind of have to they kind of have to.
Speaker 1: Bowl leggy, uncomfortable and what they would probably say the
Speaker 1: same about us in high heels And like what high
Speaker 1: heels make you look good?
Speaker 2: Like?
Speaker 1: What does that?
Speaker 4: What?
Speaker 1: You know, like, high heels create an illusion that your
Speaker 1: calves are then locked. It like your whole leg looks
Speaker 1: more muscular, You look taller, which gives you a more
Speaker 1: statuesque look, which will attract men, which will try money,
Speaker 1: which you will attract safety and protection. It's like an evolutionary
Speaker 1: thing to make your legs look longer and more like
Speaker 1: fertile or whatever. But why does a man's baggy pants
Speaker 1: make him look more attractive? Something it's doing so.
Speaker 3: He doesn't look fertile, so you don't think he's going
Speaker 3: to accu up, but he is.
Speaker 1: Oh, you think men are trying to undersell their virility.
Speaker 1: Maybe whoa dude.
Speaker 3: They're like, no, it's okay to just sleep with me
Speaker 3: randomly because.
Speaker 1: But women's subconscious doesn't want to not get pregnant constantly,
Speaker 1: to get pregnant no matter what.
Speaker 3: And it's the opposite of tight of like tight underwear,
Speaker 3: so you have more sperm. They're very loose, so you
Speaker 3: would think his sperm are fine because they're not being
Speaker 3: suffocated like our.
Speaker 1: Caveman brain is like that underwear is cutting off his
Speaker 1: semen sack or whatever. That is what it does. Oh,
Speaker 1: maybe it does. It's so very interesting because the.
Speaker 2: Pants are halfway off already.
Speaker 1: Yeah for the pooda fish have to take. Okay, I
Speaker 1: have to read this one because wait, Taylor, I know
Speaker 1: would love this. Okay, this is from Too Afraid to Ask. Okay,
Speaker 1: this is someone on your Too Afraid I probably wrote this.
Speaker 1: I think you probably did. Okay. The title is this
Speaker 1: literally sounds like you trolling? Oh my god, this isn't
Speaker 1: from too afraid to ask? Okay, how can I stop
Speaker 1: seeing Jigsaw puppet in my crushes? I did? I have
Speaker 1: a crush on this. She's cute as a button, pretty face,
Speaker 1: bright smile, saying, dance, act, and does brilliant accent invitations.
Speaker 1: What the fuck? Why would you add that to that's
Speaker 1: weird to say it sounds like cursten. Honestly, she can dance,
Speaker 1: she does imitation, she has a bright smile, she's a
Speaker 1: pretty face, she does bloodies. She's a class act. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: she has a what is it? A brilliant dairy air?
Speaker 1: What a gorgeous, perfect dairy air. What did that old
Speaker 1: man say to curs about her butt? And we were like, oh,
Speaker 1: that actually is a nice way to compliment a butt,
Speaker 1: a beer bottle with her butt cheeks. Yeah, she's a
Speaker 1: class act and a crowd pull her what the fuw?
Speaker 1: And I always wanted to get to know her better,
Speaker 1: but lately I noticed that her face resembles the Jigsaw
Speaker 1: we got to see a picture or the Canadian horror
Speaker 1: series saw. Okay, why I didn't know that until he
Speaker 1: put that in? And why is anyone going which Saw
Speaker 1: the horror movie Saw which one. Yes, that's the name
Speaker 1: of the guy that's like I have a challenge. I've
Speaker 1: never seen Saw, but I read about it. The resemblance
Speaker 1: is so uncanny that her face is exactly shaped like it,
Speaker 1: nice rosy cheeks and a long chin with round eyes.
Speaker 1: I now inadvertently crack up when I see her, and
Speaker 1: she's noticed it multiple times, especially when she's singing. She
Speaker 1: tends to be very passionate and fixates her eyes on
Speaker 1: the roof level while using her beautiful expressions to elevate
Speaker 1: her performance. But she ends up looking like the puppet,
Speaker 1: and I can't control my laughter. Should I tell her
Speaker 1: she looks like the puppet, just to get it out
Speaker 1: of my system, she might end up laughing and becoming
Speaker 1: self aware. How do I unlearn the resemblance?
Speaker 2: Okay? Oh?
Speaker 1: He says English is not his first language, so this
Speaker 1: is very clear through that. Okay, and American is not
Speaker 1: his first culture. Some one said, christ no, please do
Speaker 1: not tell a woman she looks like the Jigsaw.
Speaker 3: One time you were referencing him and you said you
Speaker 3: you called him the guy from Saw that does the challenges.
Speaker 1: I hate that his name is Jigsaw, because I say
Speaker 1: in my act, I say that when I get too
Speaker 1: much filler, I look like Jigsaw from Saw. But if
Speaker 1: you're a comedian, you know that you don't say the
Speaker 1: word before the war like having too much of the word.
Speaker 1: So if his name was Jig, it would be funny.
Speaker 1: But his name is Jigsaw from from Saw, so it's
Speaker 1: funnier to say the guy in the Saw movies who
Speaker 1: gives the challenges. But okay, have you ever like but
Speaker 1: this has happened to me before where someone like looks
Speaker 1: like something and it makes me lack every day? Really
Speaker 1: dog detective? Yeah, what's that?
Speaker 2: From?
Speaker 1: What was that? I thought?
Speaker 3: I thought people have looked like a detective that was
Speaker 3: also a dog before and I couldn't un see it.
Speaker 1: Wait, have you ever gotten the ick from like a uh,
Speaker 1: like a partner though that you were like someone you
Speaker 1: were interested in all of a sudden someone was like
Speaker 1: they actually look like blah blah blah, and you're like, oh,
Speaker 1: I cannot see.
Speaker 2: It about that where Jerry's dating someone that looks like Jerry. Oh, no,
Speaker 2: George is dating someone looks like Jerry.
Speaker 1: Oh, that's right, I remember that one. Yeah that actually
Speaker 1: I just saved a thing last night an article let
Speaker 1: me pull in a I didn't save it in here
Speaker 1: it says, well stop, okay. It says people tend to
Speaker 1: be more attracted to opposite sex individuals who bear a
Speaker 1: resemblance to themselves, according to new research. I watched Passion
Speaker 1: Backs last night, and it's true. That's a great show.
Speaker 1: By the way. About Spice and David Beckham, it's not
Speaker 1: and it's so good. Yes, it's great. He is an
Speaker 1: incredible athlete. I love sports documentaries, which is that, but
Speaker 1: is also a love story, a codependency story.
Speaker 3: He has OCD show that big time. Yes, I want
Speaker 3: to watch it.
Speaker 1: Yes he does. It's really good. Okay, so pretty much
Speaker 1: they tell him like not to tell this woman.
Speaker 2: That the thing in the world to do is to
Speaker 2: tell her she looks like a jigsup up, especially if
Speaker 2: she if he likes her. He's thinking that this is
Speaker 2: like I think a subtle nig Like he thinks, like, oh,
Speaker 2: now that I think this about her, she's less intimidating
Speaker 2: to me. Or maybe if like undercut her a little bit,
Speaker 2: then maybe on the chance with her. But really he
Speaker 2: just he's grasping here, and this is stupid. He shouldn't
Speaker 2: pursue this avenue.
Speaker 1: No, I will say, when ment send me people who
Speaker 1: I look like on Instagram, I will never You will
Speaker 1: never have a chance with me, no matter how single
Speaker 1: and desperate and horny I ever get. If you've DMed
Speaker 1: me a picture of a girl, it's not worth it.
Speaker 1: There's no one you can send me that will actually
Speaker 1: make me feel like. It's either I think you're lying
Speaker 1: if she's hot, or I think you're really really mean
Speaker 1: if she's not. And so I always there's so many
Speaker 1: people that have just been like, man, this guy is
Speaker 1: trying his best to fuck me by saying like this
Speaker 1: girul like they're just trying to like connect with you
Speaker 1: and they found a way, like this person looks like
Speaker 1: you never gonna work.
Speaker 2: It always is offensive, And by going on Reddit and
Speaker 2: posting this, he's asking the Reddit community for permission. First
Speaker 2: of all, he's like excited about a girl he likes,
Speaker 2: so he wants to go on there and be like
Speaker 2: I like a.
Speaker 1: Girl talking about I like a girl.
Speaker 2: She's so hot, she's so hot, and maybe I'll get
Speaker 2: to talk to her and she's my friend. But it
Speaker 2: also sing and dance. He wants permission to He wants
Speaker 2: permission to nag her. He's like, can the Reddit community
Speaker 2: give me permission to call her a puppet?
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's so true, Like, you're right, because then he
Speaker 1: has an excuse for a fit backfires. Yeah, they told
Speaker 1: me I should. I asked, like, I don't know if
Speaker 1: he would say that to her if she got all upset,
Speaker 1: Like I asked a community. Some guy just wrote to
Speaker 1: me on Instagram saying that he was bringing a friend
Speaker 1: to one of my shows coming up and he said
Speaker 1: something to her that upset her, and now she won't
Speaker 1: go to the show anymore. And she's like, don't talk
Speaker 1: to me again. It's pretty much what I got from it.
Speaker 1: And he's like, can you give me a meet and
Speaker 1: greet because maybe that'll persuade her to go. And I did,
Speaker 1: because I give anyone a meet and greet. Who asked
Speaker 1: pretty much? But I'm getting to the point, to be
Speaker 1: honest with you guys, that I can't keep giving them
Speaker 1: out because I am so exhausted after shows and I'm
Speaker 1: reaching a threshold. But that being said, if you hear
Speaker 1: this episode and you want to meet and greet, just
Speaker 1: go into the merch booth and ask on and she'll
Speaker 1: probably give you one. But I did give him one.
Speaker 1: But I think this is the same scenario. I'm like,
Speaker 1: I bet this guy's friends with this girl. He got
Speaker 1: tickets to my show to be like, he likes her
Speaker 1: romantically and he wants more with her, She's probably not interested.
Speaker 1: And he nagged her and she was like, nope, no,
Speaker 1: thank you for that comment. I'm not talking to you
Speaker 1: anymore because I've done that to guys before, where one
Speaker 1: guy called me white trash. He was like, oh, I
Speaker 1: could see how you have white trash in your family.
Speaker 1: And then one time we were at Subway and this
Speaker 1: was literally sixteen years ago, maybe more, and we were
Speaker 1: at Subway in line, so I keep burping under my breath.
Speaker 1: That's disgusting. I keep real like trying to get away
Speaker 1: with it. And I didn't, but I would thought one best,
Speaker 1: he's gonna hear this. It's going to nauseate them. But
Speaker 1: it was we were at Subway and he saw this
Speaker 1: this hot girl walked in. He was like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: look at you. If you tried, he liked me so much, yeah,
Speaker 1: And I started crying at Subway and Jesus it wouldn't
Speaker 1: be the last time. And then and then another time
Speaker 1: I got off stage and he was like, you have
Speaker 1: a really big forehead, like it's really long from like
Speaker 1: your eyes.
Speaker 3: That's the only excuse for that. Okay, what.
Speaker 1: Sometime. But it was also he would punch me on
Speaker 1: the arm jokingly, and it started to get really hard
Speaker 1: more than I would like getting out aggression and angerty totally.
Speaker 1: It would like bruise my arm. It was like really abusive. Okay,
Speaker 1: next up is also too afraid to.
Speaker 2: And then he hits you, And that's what his plan
Speaker 2: wanted so bad because.
Speaker 1: He just didn't you know, like boys don't know what
Speaker 1: their emotions are. It's like they just like they have
Speaker 1: a bully. Yeah, they just they do. They don't have
Speaker 1: anything where they stop and go. Is this maybe re
Speaker 1: routed anger for the fact that I can't fuck her?
Speaker 1: Or is it am I actually angry at her? They
Speaker 1: don't examine and not all men, but like I think
Speaker 1: it's a very common thing. I've that's why there's road
Speaker 1: reactions with men. Yeah, their anger, like goes is much
Speaker 1: more propelled than ours and much more unchecked because they're
Speaker 1: not examining their motivations. For like why they do things?
Speaker 1: Final thought, Brian, when did you start going like I
Speaker 1: wonder why I do these things? Like is it a
Speaker 1: weird man thing where you just like I think I've
Speaker 1: always been examining, like why am I the way I am?
Speaker 1: I think some men are just like I'm just gonna
Speaker 1: act because that's what I'm feeling like doing and they
Speaker 1: don't ever go let me stop and like think about
Speaker 1: where this could this could maybe be about something else
Speaker 1: than this thing.
Speaker 3: Or like that was embarrassing? Why did I do that?
Speaker 1: Yes, I maybe need to apologize. Is that was like
Speaker 1: I can take accountability? Like when does that click in?
Speaker 1: And do you do you? Was it always in you
Speaker 1: to be that way because you're that way?
Speaker 2: I think it was always in me. But after college
Speaker 2: and when I had my ball pain for six years,
Speaker 2: I started to go to therapy and you know, talk
Speaker 2: I you know, figure that stuff out.
Speaker 1: And then the ball pain was funny.
Speaker 2: The ballpain was psychosomatic pretty much. But yeah, I think
Speaker 2: after that, you know that'll force you to be introspective.
Speaker 2: But I think I've always been like that. I think
Speaker 2: it's because my parents got divorced and I was always
Speaker 2: trying to figure out like what is it that's going
Speaker 2: on here for real underneath it all. So I think
Speaker 2: that helps develop that. I think, you know, some people
Speaker 2: maybe will never you know, there are definitely like people
Speaker 2: in the boomer generation who have never figured out any
Speaker 2: emotions at all for their entire life and then it
Speaker 2: just die angry crazy. But I think it's also nowadays,
Speaker 2: like newer generations are way more aware of that. It
Speaker 2: feels like people are more emotionally aware. It's more accepted
Speaker 2: than it was back then.
Speaker 1: I saw a video the other night, like talk about
Speaker 1: new generations of like little boys being raised to feel
Speaker 1: things and have boundaries and like stick up for themselves
Speaker 1: and like not be scared, to be like I'm scared
Speaker 1: or whatever. There was this little boy and his dad
Speaker 1: was holding a pumpkin and kind of going like I'm
Speaker 1: gonna get you. And at first he was like really
Speaker 1: curious about the pumpkin, and then he just goes, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: that's too scary for me, and the dad immediately stopped.
Speaker 1: But the kid like had a threshold and like let
Speaker 1: them know, and like, I feel like so many people
Speaker 1: would keep doing the scary thing, and like this kid
Speaker 1: just like knew this is above my pay grade. I
Speaker 1: am not going to keep seeing this Jack lanyard getting
Speaker 1: closer to my face. I'm getting scared. And he was
Speaker 1: like aware of it. It was like, oh, I can't
Speaker 1: wait for this kid to be president, Like just I
Speaker 1: like that and someone would be like that kids so.
Speaker 3: Oft I can only handle like ten seconds of the
Speaker 3: pumpkin me off.
Speaker 1: It's too bid. David Beckham speaking of like So in
Speaker 1: the documentary, he pretty much loses England. He he is
Speaker 1: what England thinks is responsible for losing their chance at
Speaker 1: the World Cup, which is the biggest thing that ever
Speaker 1: could happen in England. And so they're at the World
Speaker 1: Cup and he does this thing and you'll see in
Speaker 1: the documentary but he does this thing that he didn't
Speaker 1: need to do and he gets a red card that
Speaker 1: means he gets kicked out of the game. And because
Speaker 1: he gets kicked out of the game and he's their
Speaker 1: star player, they lose the match and they all think
Speaker 1: like it's his fault and honestly, but he's the one
Speaker 1: that's going to hand of all, they wanted him to die.
Speaker 1: They hung this, they were doing burning effigies, they were
Speaker 1: hanging effigies of him like they wanted his head. They
Speaker 1: spit on them in the street that he then went
Speaker 1: on to play, went back to his team, Manchester United
Speaker 1: to play, and he went on for months. Every time
Speaker 1: he walked onto the field, they would boo. Anytime he
Speaker 1: get like kicked or like hurt, they would cheer like
Speaker 1: his own team fans. It was one real and he
Speaker 1: never once lashed out. Everywhere he went, paparazzi were screaming things.
Speaker 1: People would spit it him in the street, like locals
Speaker 1: would get in his face. But what the fuck is
Speaker 1: wrong with you? Because it's like it's all these people
Speaker 1: holy honestly, Because Chris, when I was watching it, he
Speaker 1: was like, one of my biggest fears is that England
Speaker 1: wins the World Cup ever in my lifetime. Like I
Speaker 1: don't want them to win it. They're like they colonize,
Speaker 1: they think they're better than everyone else. Like he was,
Speaker 1: I go, what if we moved to London? Will you
Speaker 1: root for them? He's like I don't even think I could.
Speaker 1: He was like, I want a team that's like a
Speaker 1: South American team to win, like an underdog England. And
Speaker 1: then we go on to watch it and he goes,
Speaker 1: do understand why I don't want England to ever win
Speaker 1: the World Cup? And I'm like, one hundred percent. What
Speaker 1: they did to David Beckham is so disgusting. The British
Speaker 1: press with the royal family, the British press is disgusting
Speaker 1: and uh and the English people just seem to believe
Speaker 1: whatever they're they're fed by these people. And this is
Speaker 1: back in the nineties, so it maybe is a lot
Speaker 1: different now. I don't think it is because of what
Speaker 1: happened to Michael Markle, but anyway, so but he said
Speaker 1: like he never once lashed out at them, and any
Speaker 1: every one of his teammates was like, I don't know
Speaker 1: how this guy survived it. Like he went for months
Speaker 1: of being just spat at, and his own matches where
Speaker 1: he would win and score goals, they would boo constantly,
Speaker 1: you fucking wagger, fuck you Becka, fuck you constantly when
Speaker 1: he's on the sidelines when he's playing and they want
Speaker 1: him to win. And it's like, Brian, I don't know
Speaker 1: if you know any of the history of this, because
Speaker 1: Chris didn't seem to be that well versed in this
Speaker 1: whole controversy, but this was wild I've never seen anything
Speaker 1: like it, and they said the only reason because the
Speaker 1: documentary guy who's actually the one of the characters, one
Speaker 1: of the actors from Succession. What's his name, he plays
Speaker 1: the publicist. I forget his name, but anyway, he is
Speaker 1: the director of this film. And he asked Beckham's another
Speaker 1: burp that like, how do you think he survived it?
Speaker 1: And he said, my dad. How tough my dad was
Speaker 1: on me, So maybe he also wouldn't have Yeah, he
Speaker 1: also wouldn't have gotten to that point where people were
Speaker 1: like wanting to hang him if his dad wasn't hard
Speaker 1: to him, because his mom was like, I just want
Speaker 1: him to have a childhood and like be be a
Speaker 1: fun kid. And I was looking at Chris because Chris
Speaker 1: and I were like, man, he is an amazing athlete,
Speaker 1: Like we're just like kind of marveling at all he's
Speaker 1: able to accomplish at such a young age. And then
Speaker 1: it gets in later in the documentary it gets into
Speaker 1: what how his dad made him practice, And it's true,
Speaker 1: if you want to be great, don't have a childhood.
Speaker 1: You just have to be if you want your kid
Speaker 1: to be the best at what they do. And we're
Speaker 1: not talking about like average levels of success, because you
Speaker 1: can have that. But in entertainment and sports, if you
Speaker 1: want to be the best, there's no anomalies. It truly is.
Speaker 1: Whoever doesn't have a childhood and just dances or shoots
Speaker 1: hoops or does free kicks over and over and over
Speaker 1: for eight hours a day, rain or shine, no vacations
Speaker 1: and no good jobs. That was great today. You did
Speaker 1: the best of everyone on the team. It's constantly you
Speaker 1: could have done better. You did all right, we're gonna
Speaker 1: work harder next time. Never praise them. Always make them
Speaker 1: feel horrible about what they're doing, like they're never enough,
Speaker 1: and you can create someone with yeah, crippling what seems
Speaker 1: to be pretty bad OCD.
Speaker 2: We have to keep in the practice zone. You have
Speaker 2: to keep them. If you push them too far out,
Speaker 2: they'll get so frustrated that they'll break right.
Speaker 1: So they have to be like earning things enough.
Speaker 2: It's the reach you got. They always got to be
Speaker 2: reaching and they can never grab it. But they can't.
Speaker 2: It can't be so far away that it's like this
Speaker 2: is impossible to grab.
Speaker 1: And you can never say they're amazing. No, I would
Speaker 1: say if I would raise a child and want to
Speaker 1: make her a pop star. I would absolutely say she's amazing,
Speaker 1: because I know that's what Taylor Swiss parents did. But
Speaker 1: you have to, like you just have to, you have
Speaker 1: to sacrifice everything.
Speaker 2: Did you ever watch The Queen Dambit?
Speaker 1: Yes?
Speaker 2: I just I just watched that for the first time.
Speaker 2: I didn't see it.
Speaker 1: Back You gotta play chest on the Wall?
Speaker 2: Yeah, well yeah, I mean so she had that type
Speaker 2: of mentor that that the custodian who was just like,
Speaker 2: you're fine, You're fine, You're gonna have to do this now,
Speaker 2: now this is going to happen. And also she had
Speaker 2: like the upbringing and this. I watched that whole show
Speaker 2: this past week and I was so excited about it,
Speaker 2: and I was like, this is so amazing, and I
Speaker 2: was like, I'm not going to look anything up about
Speaker 2: Elizabeth Harmon because I don't want to know like what
Speaker 2: age she died and like what actually happened. I don't
Speaker 2: want to spoil it. And then I look it up
Speaker 2: and it's like, she's not real.
Speaker 1: When you were saying that, I was like, I don't
Speaker 1: think this is based so true.
Speaker 2: I was so disappointed because I was like, half the
Speaker 2: reason this was exciting to.
Speaker 1: Me, trained by a janitor.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and then wins and then beats the Russians.
Speaker 1: I hope you never look up Lord of the Ring.
Speaker 2: I was so disappointed. I was like, so she's not
Speaker 2: dead because she was never alive.
Speaker 1: I wonder where you went wrong to think that was
Speaker 1: a true story. And I like the fact that you
Speaker 1: didn't look it up because you wanted to wait. Yes, all,
Speaker 1: but it made you even more believe that it was
Speaker 1: a story.
Speaker 2: What a triumph?
Speaker 1: Yeah, that movie's really good or that serious.
Speaker 2: Basically it's basically pretty.
Speaker 1: Much it's Yes, it's when people want to make a
Speaker 1: really fucking long movie, they just break it up into episodes.
Speaker 1: Morning show losing. It's goddamn mind, y'all only getting worse. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's only getting worse. That's all I'll say. I mean,
Speaker 1: there is a single long part in this next one
Speaker 1: or in the latest one that is just crazy. And
Speaker 1: but Jennifer Anson and John Hamm are hooking up now
Speaker 1: it's I really feel uncomfortable with it because I know
Speaker 1: they're friends, and I would feel really weird, like making
Speaker 1: out with my friend and like having to roll around
Speaker 1: in bed if you were like and my like, he's married.
Speaker 1: I don't know. I would just I'm usually not a
Speaker 1: prude about that stuff, but I was just like, I don't,
Speaker 1: I can't see. Yeah, I just want her with Ross
Speaker 1: and no one else They woun't want to break.
Speaker 2: Ross isn't really Ross is a guy as a character
Speaker 2: played by an actor Ross.
Speaker 1: Can I say Israel? Because I did an audition with
Speaker 1: Ross David Swimmer and we had to act against each other.
Speaker 1: He was already cast in this role and I was like,
Speaker 1: it was the closest I've ever gotten on a roll
Speaker 1: that was. It was for a pilot, but I just
Speaker 1: I had to do a scene where we were a
Speaker 1: couple that was fighting in all this, and he was
Speaker 1: so Ross off camera he was so nice. I'll always
Speaker 1: love him. He is Ross juice, even in that OJ
Speaker 1: documentary thing, which is one of the best things I've
Speaker 1: ever watched. I need new stuff to watch, though, any
Speaker 1: suggestions me to murder please. Golden Bachelor is amazing, love it.
Speaker 1: He's getting rid of all the hot women. Oh wow,
Speaker 1: he just wants a woman with no face work. Yeah,
Speaker 1: he's old as shit, dude. He's seventy three, seventy three,
Speaker 1: and he looks good. And they had a pickleball tournament
Speaker 1: on the last episode.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and Chrit.
Speaker 1: It's so funny watching it with Chris because pickleball comes
Speaker 1: on DV and he loves pickleball, and so he got
Speaker 1: very excited and and.
Speaker 7: And Gary is like, you know, like I love pickleball.
Speaker 7: Who have Like pickleball is a big part of my life. Like,
Speaker 7: whoever you know wins this one is gonna be with
Speaker 7: me playing.
Speaker 8: I'm trying to find his voice. But it's kind of
Speaker 8: like I need to find someone to play pickleball with forever.
Speaker 8: Chris really does a really good impression of Gary. This
Speaker 8: is more like it if I find a woman to
Speaker 8: play pickleball with me. I mean I play it every day.
Speaker 8: I really, this is a big day.
Speaker 1: And so Chris and I are realizing, like whoever wins this,
Speaker 1: whoever's good a pick a ball is like gonna win
Speaker 1: because this guy, he's retired. All he wants to do
Speaker 1: is play pickaball.
Speaker 2: You want to win pickleball too. He wants a partner
Speaker 2: that will win him the trophy.
Speaker 1: Girl who is great at it. So anyway, whoever won
Speaker 1: this competition gets to be gets to be on the
Speaker 1: cut or like I have a spread in in Pickleball Magazine.
Speaker 1: And by the way, I didn't say in twice in
Speaker 1: Pickleball Magazine is the name of the title of the magazine,
Speaker 1: so you can just tell every time they were renouncing
Speaker 1: the prize and whoever wins gets to do a spread
Speaker 1: in in Pickleball Magazine. Like you can tell the first
Speaker 1: time they were like, and gets to do a spread
Speaker 1: in Pickleball Magazine, and they were like, it's sorry again, Jesse.
Speaker 1: It is in in Pickleball, so the magazine is called
Speaker 1: in pick so they have to in in Pickleball, in
Speaker 1: in Pickleball. So the next issue of in Pickleball Magazine
Speaker 1: will have the Bachelor's on it. And guess who will
Speaker 1: be getting that Chris Conby. I got a magazine yesterday.
Speaker 1: I can't wait for it to arrive, so don't tell him. Okay, guys,
Speaker 1: thank you for listening to the show. I will be
Speaker 1: on tour this weekend in Milwaukee, in Iowa, in Lawrence, Kansas,
Speaker 1: and then next week I am going to be in Boston, Baltimore,
Speaker 1: somewhere else. Two shows in Boston, so many shows coming up.
Speaker 1: Can't wait for you to be there. I'll see you
Speaker 1: out there and don't be kid and just just In
Speaker 1: and pick aball