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Speaker 1: Find Out and podcast. So how would you like to

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Speaker 1: welcome people today, Mike, I'm nervous now. I don't know

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Speaker 1: what to say. I'm hey, every hey everyone, it's not Monday,

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Speaker 1: it's not It is for you, but it's not for us.

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Speaker 1: I don't even know what to do Tuesday. Does it

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Speaker 1: even matter? Michael just got back from his two week

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Speaker 1: bi weekly grocery store adventure. How is it? It was

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Speaker 1: fortunately quiet good So I went to Whole Foods and

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Speaker 1: Public because we get different things at different stores, and

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Speaker 1: it was remarkably quieter than it had been in the past.

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Speaker 1: Everyone people I saw had masks? Was that so weird?

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Speaker 1: To see everyone have masks? Because I have not been

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Speaker 1: out of the house. I'm losing my mind. I have

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Speaker 1: not been out of the house for a little over

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Speaker 1: a month, so I haven't seen like a store or

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Speaker 1: driven my car. I don't even know if I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: be able to drive my car. I'm gonna be like,

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Speaker 1: how do I stop this thing? But like, I can't imagine.

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Speaker 1: Like I was zooming with some of my girlfriends last

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Speaker 1: night and we were just talking about, like because they

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Speaker 1: have gone to the store, and I was like, man,

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Speaker 1: what a weird reality that now we see because I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna be real honest. Usually when I saw people with

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Speaker 1: masks on, like at the airport, I'm like, you know,

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Speaker 1: it's like all right, easy, I'm like, okay, calm down.

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Speaker 1: But now it's like I was like, Michael, do not

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Speaker 1: leave without a mask. I feel like we live in

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Speaker 1: Asia now, and I mean that's no, it's not that,

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Speaker 1: it's just the culture. You see that often in their culture,

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Speaker 1: because yeah, I think about it. They they're show overpopulated.

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Speaker 1: Is that why? I think so? I think it'smar than

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Speaker 1: I think it's a part of their culture. And I

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Speaker 1: also think it's because they're so densely compacted in population

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Speaker 1: where it's things probably spread easier there, possibly when you're

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Speaker 1: on top of each other as much as they are,

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Speaker 1: or maybe they're just a lot smarter and they're like

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Speaker 1: saw this coming before y'all did, right, But I'm saying

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Speaker 1: even before before, no, no, no, I mean like before yeah,

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Speaker 1: Like it's like they they're more aware of I don't know.

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Speaker 1: But now it's like I was, I was like, you

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Speaker 1: have to wear either a scarf or we don't have

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Speaker 1: a mask that you were bandana, but that must have

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Speaker 1: been like, like, what was it? Was? It just weird

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Speaker 1: to see everyone wearing masks, like where the checkout people

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Speaker 1: wearing them too? Oh my god, it's so weird. And

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Speaker 1: a lot of stores from home Depot the whole foods too.

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Speaker 1: I don't think public said you know that a lot

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Speaker 1: of them have like temporary glass shields up like between

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Speaker 1: the cashier and the customer. Really see, I feel I'm

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Speaker 1: kind of glad. I know that we said that I

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Speaker 1: was going to go grocery shopping because you have bad asthma.

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Speaker 1: But I think I'd have anxiety tack just seeing all that, Like,

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Speaker 1: I think it would feed my anxiety more, and then

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Speaker 1: I would totally freak out. And then I for sure

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Speaker 1: couldn't drive my car because I'd be like good, and

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Speaker 1: then you'd forget half the things I needed you to get. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I would just think, I just need to get out

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Speaker 1: of here. I can't breathe. I think this is the

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Speaker 1: lesser two evils that it gives us, uh, less anxiety

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Speaker 1: if I go and you stay, because if it's the

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Speaker 1: other way around, I'd have anxiety. If you're not getting

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Speaker 1: the right things, you'd have anxiety being there. Yeah, and

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Speaker 1: I would just leave real fast and forget everything. But

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Speaker 1: because I think just seeing that it's just like the

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Speaker 1: reality of just like oh man, that this is this

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Speaker 1: is not good. Yeah, it's it's just gonna be interesting.

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Speaker 1: What a lot of people have been talking about the

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Speaker 1: new norm, you know, like what's the new norm going

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Speaker 1: to be? How long is this going to be a thing.

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Speaker 1: How long are these dividers going to be up at

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Speaker 1: the grocery stores or home depot? How long are people

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Speaker 1: gonna be wearing masks? I mean, honestly, I feel like

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Speaker 1: we should take these precautions. I mean, not to the

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Speaker 1: economy shutdown, but you know, for flu season, like let's

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Speaker 1: not shake hands, even though that's hard for me to do,

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Speaker 1: but like, you know, just to be more cautious during

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Speaker 1: those times, like, hey, it's flu season, because a lot

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Speaker 1: of like sixteen thousand people a year died from the flu,

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Speaker 1: so it's like, hey, and obviously COVID's worse than that

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Speaker 1: and it's more death rate. But I feel like we

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Speaker 1: should just put more things in place too, not easily

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Speaker 1: spread things. But I have a headache from cleaning all

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Speaker 1: the groceries. I don't know if it works. I don't

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Speaker 1: know if it's I'm wasting my time. But all I

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Speaker 1: know is this time around, I washed everything with the

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Speaker 1: clorox with the clorox, and now I have a headache

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Speaker 1: so bad. But I do I will say, just because

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Speaker 1: I'm a mom. When we get any of the groceries

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Speaker 1: out the next few days, like we just need to

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Speaker 1: make sure we really wash our hands because I might not.

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Speaker 1: I might have missed a spot and it lives on

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Speaker 1: there for a minute, so like for a few days.

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Speaker 1: So it's just like the next few days, it's really

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Speaker 1: like be mindful, absolutely sorry. Just to let you guys

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Speaker 1: in on a little like, you know, husband wife chat.

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Speaker 1: We had a little passiveness while I was doing it.

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Speaker 1: I don't know why, but I'm really excited because we

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Speaker 1: have a really awesome guest on today, Laura Prepon. Um.

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Speaker 1: She's an actress, she's a mother, she's now an author.

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Speaker 1: She was on the Netflix series Orange is the New Black. Um,

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Speaker 1: and obviously she made her television debut on that seventy show. Um,

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Speaker 1: did you watch that seventy show? I never did. I

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Speaker 1: didn't either, but I heard it was funny. I've heard

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Speaker 1: great things. Yeah, I never personally did, but I'm excited

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Speaker 1: to meet her um through Skype, and I'm excited to

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Speaker 1: hear about her book and her journey as a mom.

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Speaker 1: So um super excited. You know, she's married to Ben Foster.

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Speaker 1: A little fun trivia fact. I think he's such a

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Speaker 1: great actor. He's fantastic. Oh my god, what was the

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Speaker 1: movie with him and Chris Pine that we are obsessed with? Oh? Um,

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Speaker 1: Color high Water. That's one of my favorite movies. That

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Speaker 1: is a top top movie, like probably top seven, it's

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Speaker 1: in the top ten for sure. It's like, if you

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Speaker 1: guys haven't seen that movie, it's incredible. Did you watch

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Speaker 1: Orange Is the New Black? I started it, I remember

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Speaker 1: years ago, like kind of shortly after it came out. Um,

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Speaker 1: but I think it's one of those times where you know,

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Speaker 1: I was trying to watch like four different shows at

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Speaker 1: one time and it just got lost in translation. I

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Speaker 1: watched the first few seasons. Yeah, do you like it? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: It was really good. I liked it a lot for

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Speaker 1: something about women in jail, you know me, I have

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Speaker 1: like a weird thing with Gana, like badass women I do.

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Speaker 1: I do like them a lot. So right before the

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Speaker 1: whole quarantine thing happened, Um, I got to meet Abby

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Speaker 1: wan Back and Glenn and Doyle, and it was like

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Speaker 1: dreams they do come true. She's like, fantasy, are you

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Speaker 1: all in one room. I was like, I couldn't even

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Speaker 1: talk to Abby. I was just like stuff founded, Yeah, smitten,

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Speaker 1: like a little kitten. She could have just put me

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Speaker 1: in her pocket, and I've been fine with it. I'll

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Speaker 1: be your little girl, toy. Oh. I know. I'm really

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Speaker 1: excited to talk to Laura though, because she seems like

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Speaker 1: a badass. Um, let's take a break and then let's

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Speaker 1: get her on. Y Hi, Laura, Laura, can you guys

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Speaker 1: hear me? Okay, yes, we can hear you. Amazing? You

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Speaker 1: look beautiful. I'm very jealous. You've got makeup on. You

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Speaker 1: look amazing, fantastic. Um, I love you. I just I

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Speaker 1: think you're funny. I think you're a badass. And you

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Speaker 1: know now, like how you just had a baby in February,

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Speaker 1: didn't you. Yeah, at the end of February. How are

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Speaker 1: you doing right now? And you York, I'm doing okay. Um.

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Speaker 1: You know, because we have a newborn, we had planned

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Speaker 1: to be isolating and um having this time be to

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Speaker 1: our family just so we can bond with our baby

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Speaker 1: and our toddler. Um. So we had planned to be

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Speaker 1: isolating now anyway before my book tour, which is now

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Speaker 1: a virtual book tour started, so but we were definitely

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Speaker 1: planning on isolating for very different reasons. But we're doing okay,

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Speaker 1: you know, We're we try to stay informed, of course,

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Speaker 1: and not let it be too scary, you know, because

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Speaker 1: we because kids pick up on that stuff, you know.

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Speaker 1: So we're really trying to stay informed and find levity

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Speaker 1: and laugh when we can, because you just have to

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Speaker 1: find levity or it's just all too devastating. So we

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Speaker 1: try to just laugh when we can, spend a lot

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Speaker 1: of time with our kids, and yeah, we're just doing

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Speaker 1: what kim, just like everybody else. Is the newborn a boy, ye,

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Speaker 1: and then the older one is uh yeah two and

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Speaker 1: a half and she all and she's she's she was

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Speaker 1: born in a boy two thousands, seventy. I have milk

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Speaker 1: brain right now because I'm breastfeeding seventeen maybe, um, but yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's it's incredible. It's incredible having to it's a lot,

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Speaker 1: especially with the self isolation everything. But you know what

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Speaker 1: I'm saying. Two was a really rough transition for us

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Speaker 1: because we have a four year old girl and then

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Speaker 1: a sixteen month old little boy. So but like it's

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Speaker 1: when we hit two, it's like, I'm really glad we

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Speaker 1: had a lot of therapy because I don't know if

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Speaker 1: we would have liked it made it through because it's

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Speaker 1: hard because like you don't have time at all. It's

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Speaker 1: just like I got one, you got one, and it's

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Speaker 1: like then yeah, it's it's it's definitely a real tough transition.

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Speaker 1: Did you did you find it harder? Well, you know,

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Speaker 1: we're only like like seven weeks in, so it's not

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Speaker 1: it's um, it's it's been really a thank goodness. Here's

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Speaker 1: what I will say, Thank goodness. Our toddler is sleep

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Speaker 1: train because we really were We were really strict with

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Speaker 1: the sleep training at a certain point, at a certain

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Speaker 1: point where like we have got to yeah, we started

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Speaker 1: three months for every kid saying okay, so we started

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Speaker 1: with our daughter. We started too late. We started to

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Speaker 1: wait too late. But we got to a point where

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Speaker 1: we were just like we have to handle this is this,

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Speaker 1: you know, once they're sleep training. For me, For us,

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Speaker 1: it was a game change, game changer because then they

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Speaker 1: go down and then number one, I feel like it's

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Speaker 1: much better for her. And this is my own personal experience. Look,

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Speaker 1: I would never tell anybody how to parent ever, know,

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Speaker 1: but like what you were saying though, it is better

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Speaker 1: for them too, though, Like and I'm like such an

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Speaker 1: advocate even, Like I have girlfriends that their kids don't

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Speaker 1: go to bed until like nine ten o'clock, and I'm like,

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Speaker 1: that's great, it works for you, but for us, Like

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Speaker 1: I know my kid, like she's a she's a better

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Speaker 1: toddler the next day when she gets sleep, like when

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Speaker 1: she does the napp and she has the routine. So

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Speaker 1: I'm totally totally like on same page, like the sleep training,

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Speaker 1: and for us it's at her too because we know

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Speaker 1: she goes down in her bedtime and then you know,

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Speaker 1: my husband and I have time to you know, download

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Speaker 1: the day and like hang out together and have dinner together,

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Speaker 1: and like, you know, when it's not the state of

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Speaker 1: the world is happening. Now, if we put our kids

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Speaker 1: down and then we get a babysitter, we can maybe

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Speaker 1: go to dinner, you know what I mean. Like, it's

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Speaker 1: just everything is such a game changer when the kids

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Speaker 1: are sleep trained. But again, everyone has a different way

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Speaker 1: the parent awesome, but for us it was a game changer.

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Speaker 1: So but now with the newborn, of course that's all

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Speaker 1: out the window. But I gotta say the fact that

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Speaker 1: we know our daughter goes to sleep at a certain time, yeah, um,

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Speaker 1: helps so that we're just focused on the newborn, you

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Speaker 1: know what I mean, you see that light at the

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Speaker 1: end the end of the tunnel, knowing that you're newborn

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Speaker 1: eventually is gonna get to that point where she is too.

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Speaker 1: And then that's kind of where we're at where it's like, Okay,

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Speaker 1: we know at seven o'clock the kids are down, we're

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Speaker 1: high five and exactly popping wine or having a drink

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Speaker 1: and it's time you you guys started both at three months. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I was so strict, like I was just you know,

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Speaker 1: once the yeah, it was it was about yeah, I

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Speaker 1: would say it was eight. Yeah. Well there's that book too,

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Speaker 1: it's twelve twelve weeks. Yeah. I mean they they're kind

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Speaker 1: of similar. But we went by baby Wise and then

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Speaker 1: it was just eat feed, was it eat feed, play sleep? Um?

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Speaker 1: But I mean it worked like a dream, and it

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Speaker 1: worked for Jay's two. I will say though, on our

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Speaker 1: second Jace doesn't need as much sleep as Jolie did,

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Speaker 1: so we kind of had to. Unfortunately, we dropped a

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Speaker 1: nap sooner. Um. But I mean, having a little boy

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Speaker 1: is just like, isn't it the best? I'm so, I'm

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Speaker 1: so glad that our first was a girl. I really am,

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Speaker 1: because I always thought I wasn't one of those people

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Speaker 1: who like wed dream about the day I got married

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Speaker 1: or the day I had that. This was never me,

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Speaker 1: Like I started working at such a young age. I

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Speaker 1: was always so focused on my career and I knew

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Speaker 1: that I wanted to wait until I met my partner,

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Speaker 1: my you know, I wanted to wait until I was

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Speaker 1: with my husband, the one I was supposed to be with,

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Speaker 1: and my husband and I didn't get together, so I

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Speaker 1: was thirty six, so we you know, we both I mean,

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Speaker 1: I'm not going to speak for him, but I focused

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Speaker 1: on my career and then finally he came into my life.

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Speaker 1: Even though we've known each other since we were eighteen,

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Speaker 1: you know, we took this, you know, the bumpy road.

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Speaker 1: We always say that we're like we earned each other, um,

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Speaker 1: but it's you know the fact that I started late

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Speaker 1: just was it was a very different experience for me.

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Speaker 1: But the fact that we had a girl first. I

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Speaker 1: thought was very very cool, Like I never thought about

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Speaker 1: I never like planned my wedding or thought about you know,

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Speaker 1: jumps about the kids. And then finally when it was right,

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Speaker 1: it was just right. Um. But if I ever did

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Speaker 1: have the thought, I always thought I was gonna have

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Speaker 1: a boy first, which was weird. Well, and I kind

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Speaker 1: of wanted a boy first because I grew up with

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Speaker 1: an older brother and so so I kind of like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I want like the older brother. But I will tell

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Speaker 1: you what, you know, I'm so glad I had a

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Speaker 1: daughter first two because she's so good with the baby

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Speaker 1: and she's just she's really like I think she helped

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Speaker 1: ease my way into motherhood a little bit because obviously

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Speaker 1: we don't know what we're doing. Um, but there's something

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Speaker 1: about a little girl just having I don't know, it

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Speaker 1: just it really Yeah. But now I mean the little boy,

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Speaker 1: it's just it's such a different crazy Yeah, I totally got.

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Speaker 1: But in your book, so, um, it's you and I

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Speaker 1: as mothers, and it was I was. When I was

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Speaker 1: reading the Breakdown, you said, you're like you were blindsided

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Speaker 1: when you became a mother. What what blindsided you? What

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Speaker 1: was the thing that was just like that, you weren't

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Speaker 1: expecting any of it. I like any of it. I

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Speaker 1: you know, I've always been and I prided myself on this,

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Speaker 1: like I've always felt like the rock I've always been.

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Speaker 1: My friends called me like the Rock of Gibraltar, like

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Speaker 1: they would always come to me to get the is done.

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Speaker 1: I think that's why I tend to thrive in different

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Speaker 1: kinds of roles, like director, because as a director, I'm

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Speaker 1: really good with large amounts of responsibility and pressure and

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Speaker 1: stress like yeah, like I'm I'm very good at putting

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Speaker 1: like order into a situation like that, which is why

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Speaker 1: I feel like direct and so comfortable for me. Um.

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Speaker 1: But when I became a mother, it was like I

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Speaker 1: was a complete but I could not take care of

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Speaker 1: myself or my family everything. And it wasn't postparted to

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Speaker 1: anxiety or sorry, depression. It wasn't depression. It was an

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Speaker 1: anxiety that I've never experienced before. And the anxiety came

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Speaker 1: from protecting this baby that I I didn't understand what

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Speaker 1: was going on. Number one, I didn't understand the hormones.

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Speaker 1: The hormones just took over and I had no clue

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Speaker 1: what the hell to do UM. I could not take

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Speaker 1: care of myself, I couldn't take care of my family.

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Speaker 1: I wasn't nourishing any of us properly like I was

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Speaker 1: totally and then I was so stressed out and it

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Speaker 1: would affect my my milk. It was like a whole thing,

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Speaker 1: and I had really really bad post part of anxiety.

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Speaker 1: And that's probably one of the biggest things that threw me.

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Speaker 1: Being someone who's usually the rock that people come to,

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Speaker 1: I felt like I couldn't take care of myself and

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Speaker 1: my family and it's really really hard for me. And

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Speaker 1: then that's when I decided that I needed to write

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Speaker 1: this book because I feel like there's all these things

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Speaker 1: that as mothers we we don't talk about that are

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Speaker 1: still kind of like shrouded in darkness. And I don't

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Speaker 1: in secrecy and I'm not sure why, because it's okay

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Speaker 1: that we don't have everything figured out right now, you know,

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Speaker 1: I also as a working mom. Being a stay at

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Speaker 1: home mom is just as hard UM. But for me

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Speaker 1: as a working mom, I felt like I would wear

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Speaker 1: this like maternal badge of honor, like I had this

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Speaker 1: macho approach to much or any like I was going

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Speaker 1: to go back to work, and nobody would know that

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Speaker 1: I'm suffering. Nobody would know that I'm like I can

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Speaker 1: power through on no sleep and you know the fact

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Speaker 1: that I'm a complete basket case, and like, nobody's gonna know.

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Speaker 1: I had this weird thing that I had to prove something,

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Speaker 1: and I wasn't sure why. I'm like, why why do

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Speaker 1: I have this thing that I feel like I need

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Speaker 1: to prove, like UM. And I realized that I was

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Speaker 1: suffering from all these things like the stress, the loss

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Speaker 1: of control, mom guilt, like UM, self care. I felt

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Speaker 1: like I didn't deserve self care, like all these things.

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Speaker 1: I realized that mothers of all ages were all dealing

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Speaker 1: with UM. And that's why I interviewed my mom squad

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Speaker 1: in the book, which is Mothers of All Ages backgrounds

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Speaker 1: UM Children, and they have all children of different ages.

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Speaker 1: And I specifically wanted not only myself my own stories,

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Speaker 1: but my mom squad so that anybody can really read

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Speaker 1: this book and have something to relate to, because I

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Speaker 1: feel like we're all suffering from these common subjects, do

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean? So that's why I wanted

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Speaker 1: to write us. I couldn't find this book out there,

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Speaker 1: so I was like, I'm just gonna write it. You know,

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Speaker 1: I have a I have an incredible amount of empathy

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Speaker 1: for you moms because you don't hear of dad's shaming, right,

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Speaker 1: you hear of like mommy shaming, and it feels like

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Speaker 1: society and people have put all the pressure on you

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Speaker 1: all and when really it's equally the husband. You know,

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Speaker 1: the mom and the dad are responsibility to do and

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Speaker 1: to go through all of this. And I know this

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Speaker 1: second time around for jan and I, really communicating on

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Speaker 1: how we honestly feel in a moment really helped us.

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Speaker 1: Just being like and allowed her to not feel alone.

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Speaker 1: Because Jane is very much like you. She thrives in chaos.

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Speaker 1: If things aren't going crazy around her, she's uncomfortable. She

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Speaker 1: needs like things to like it's it's insane, she has

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Speaker 1: to have it. So for her to finally lean into

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Speaker 1: me and us to meet there and for me to

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Speaker 1: reassure her that she's not alone and what she's feeling

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Speaker 1: at times really helped us the second time around. And

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Speaker 1: my question to you is like, how is been your husband?

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Speaker 1: You know, how has he stepped up as as a

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Speaker 1: father and kind of you know, been there. I want

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Speaker 1: to focus on the positive of kind of the husband, wife,

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Speaker 1: mom dad connection like for the second one second one around. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: he look, I'm so fortunate because he is the best partner, husband,

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Speaker 1: everything I could have ever asked for. And before we

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Speaker 1: got together, I wrote a list. I'm not kidding, and

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Speaker 1: I say this to my single friends. I wrote a

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Speaker 1: list of exactly what I wanted. And I'm like, this

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Speaker 1: is what I want and I'm not talking about like

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Speaker 1: I did that. It's the dear God, let her please

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Speaker 1: send me this man exactly exactly. So I wrote my

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Speaker 1: version of that, okay, And it's not about it's like

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Speaker 1: real true connection stuff that I wrote down from like

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Speaker 1: connecting on levels that it's not just about looks and

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Speaker 1: this I mean obviously of course being attracted your writner

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Speaker 1: is a big deal, but it's like the really deep

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Speaker 1: things that I was for in my life partner. And

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Speaker 1: once I wrote that list, he he was there and

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Speaker 1: that was you know what I mean. So I and

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Speaker 1: I did a lot of my own work to be

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Speaker 1: ready to happen in my life. And that's a whole other,

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Speaker 1: you know, situation. But and that's why we say we

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00:20:15,000 --> 00:20:18,480
Speaker 1: like earn each other. But I'm really fortunate in that

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Speaker 1: he's the most incredible partner I could ever ask for. Um.

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Speaker 1: And when I was going through all this, um, when

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Speaker 1: I first started kind of putting it down and writing

381
00:20:29,440 --> 00:20:33,040
Speaker 1: about it, he was the one who really inspired me

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Speaker 1: to start writing it in the form of a book

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Speaker 1: where he's like, you can't be the only one dealing

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Speaker 1: with this, and he said, there's you know, there's so

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Speaker 1: many other women out there that have got to be

386
00:20:44,160 --> 00:20:47,439
Speaker 1: struggling with this too, And that was one of you know,

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00:20:47,480 --> 00:20:49,880
Speaker 1: besides the fact that how I helped work through things

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Speaker 1: is by writing about it and getting it out. And

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Speaker 1: you know, that's what we do with their communication, We

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Speaker 1: get it out. UM. But he was a big inspiration

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Speaker 1: on that regard to you know, open my eyes to

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Speaker 1: you know, you should think about writing about this so

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00:21:04,840 --> 00:21:08,160
Speaker 1: people can heal from it. It sounds really supportive. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I can't like amazing, you know what I mean. I'm

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Speaker 1: very fortunate. And you know the other thing too, is

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Speaker 1: I also write in my book, you know, I have

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Speaker 1: an entire chapter on partnership because you know, everybody can

398
00:21:20,720 --> 00:21:23,160
Speaker 1: relate to a chapter on partnership on how to keep

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Speaker 1: your partnership strong. After kids are in the mix. The

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00:21:27,119 --> 00:21:31,440
Speaker 1: other thing too is and again that's myself, my own stories,

401
00:21:31,560 --> 00:21:33,920
Speaker 1: my my mom squad, you know, a bunch of people

402
00:21:34,000 --> 00:21:37,479
Speaker 1: chiming in. But the other thing too is that I

403
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Speaker 1: can't tell you how many people have read the book

404
00:21:40,040 --> 00:21:44,320
Speaker 1: because it came out a week ago, who are not

405
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Speaker 1: mothers or might or may choose and not to be,

406
00:21:47,280 --> 00:21:49,359
Speaker 1: who are still getting so much out of the book,

407
00:21:49,880 --> 00:21:52,399
Speaker 1: as well as partners getting a better understanding of what

408
00:21:52,400 --> 00:21:55,040
Speaker 1: their partner went through, you know, as their mother. But

409
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Speaker 1: I can't tell you how many people have gotten so

410
00:21:57,280 --> 00:21:59,160
Speaker 1: much out of it because I speak to these things

411
00:21:59,160 --> 00:22:02,840
Speaker 1: of you know, stress control, anxiety. That's what I was

412
00:22:02,880 --> 00:22:06,000
Speaker 1: just going to ask in the book, because um, do

413
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Speaker 1: do you talk about ways like how you've been able

414
00:22:08,160 --> 00:22:11,040
Speaker 1: to cope with your anxiety and ways that are helpful

415
00:22:11,080 --> 00:22:14,200
Speaker 1: for for those suffering with anxiety, Because I'm like, I

416
00:22:14,280 --> 00:22:17,680
Speaker 1: have mad anxiety, like awful anxiety to the point where

417
00:22:18,160 --> 00:22:20,399
Speaker 1: you know, we we were going to film something and

418
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Speaker 1: I was just like, but if I'm not with the kids,

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Speaker 1: and you know, and then I just like, I feel

420
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Speaker 1: like a bad mom, but I'm trying to support my family,

421
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Speaker 1: and so it's just one of those struggles where it's

422
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Speaker 1: just like, and then I'm terrified to fly because oh

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Speaker 1: my god, what if something happens? And then I just

424
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Speaker 1: my full entire like just body is just taken over

425
00:22:35,760 --> 00:22:38,080
Speaker 1: with anxiety and fear. So I'm just curious if you

426
00:22:38,080 --> 00:22:41,480
Speaker 1: write about that too. I that's exactly what I write about,

427
00:22:41,560 --> 00:22:45,639
Speaker 1: like for real, that's exactly There's a whole section on

428
00:22:45,760 --> 00:22:48,919
Speaker 1: that because I was going through that as well. Here's

429
00:22:48,920 --> 00:22:50,479
Speaker 1: the thing that was so important for me with this

430
00:22:50,520 --> 00:22:54,520
Speaker 1: book was not only did I want to share these

431
00:22:54,560 --> 00:22:57,639
Speaker 1: because usually I've been Look, I've been fortunate enough to

432
00:22:57,640 --> 00:22:59,679
Speaker 1: be in my industry for over twenty years, and I

433
00:22:59,760 --> 00:23:03,520
Speaker 1: love what I do, and it's a constant negotiation on

434
00:23:03,640 --> 00:23:07,360
Speaker 1: because I'm a very private person. So and anything I

435
00:23:07,400 --> 00:23:09,280
Speaker 1: do that involves my family, my husband and I have

436
00:23:09,320 --> 00:23:11,920
Speaker 1: a conversation about it and we make sure that we're

437
00:23:11,920 --> 00:23:14,679
Speaker 1: on the same page with it because with what I do,

438
00:23:14,760 --> 00:23:17,360
Speaker 1: obviously there's being in the public eye, and we always

439
00:23:17,400 --> 00:23:21,920
Speaker 1: make sure that we are in agreement with that and so,

440
00:23:22,080 --> 00:23:24,080
Speaker 1: but some a lot of the stuff that I shared

441
00:23:24,119 --> 00:23:27,160
Speaker 1: in my book is really personal stuff. But I felt

442
00:23:27,200 --> 00:23:30,520
Speaker 1: like it was so important for the first time because

443
00:23:30,600 --> 00:23:32,680
Speaker 1: I felt like there was this conversation that wasn't being

444
00:23:32,720 --> 00:23:36,040
Speaker 1: had that I really wanted to drop my defenses and

445
00:23:36,080 --> 00:23:38,720
Speaker 1: share these truths. And I share a lot of stuff

446
00:23:38,720 --> 00:23:42,560
Speaker 1: in this book that I is really vulnerable for me,

447
00:23:42,960 --> 00:23:44,880
Speaker 1: but I felt it was so important so we could

448
00:23:44,880 --> 00:23:49,720
Speaker 1: really have this conversation. And you know, one of the

449
00:23:49,760 --> 00:23:54,280
Speaker 1: things too, is besides sharing stories and the stories from

450
00:23:54,280 --> 00:23:59,399
Speaker 1: my mom squad, giving tools was a huge thing that

451
00:23:59,440 --> 00:24:01,560
Speaker 1: I wanted in this book. I wanted to give the

452
00:24:01,600 --> 00:24:04,720
Speaker 1: reader tools so that after they read the book, after

453
00:24:04,760 --> 00:24:08,080
Speaker 1: they take the time to read the book, because you know,

454
00:24:08,400 --> 00:24:10,280
Speaker 1: sitting down and reading a book, it's like I want

455
00:24:10,320 --> 00:24:12,520
Speaker 1: to make sure that I can give give something back.

456
00:24:12,600 --> 00:24:15,159
Speaker 1: Walking away with something you're learning, it's like going to

457
00:24:15,240 --> 00:24:16,800
Speaker 1: therapy and then being like, but then how do we

458
00:24:16,840 --> 00:24:20,480
Speaker 1: what do we do to stuff? Exactly? Yeah, exactly. So

459
00:24:20,520 --> 00:24:22,480
Speaker 1: that so I wanted to give that to the reader,

460
00:24:22,560 --> 00:24:25,360
Speaker 1: so that I give a lot of tools in the

461
00:24:25,359 --> 00:24:29,840
Speaker 1: book that you can leave with and put into action

462
00:24:29,960 --> 00:24:32,800
Speaker 1: in your life. Because that is so badly what I wanted,

463
00:24:33,240 --> 00:24:35,560
Speaker 1: and that is what I wanted to give the reader

464
00:24:35,600 --> 00:24:38,480
Speaker 1: because I needed tools on how to navigate through this

465
00:24:39,119 --> 00:24:42,680
Speaker 1: and and again when I was dealing with a particular anxiety,

466
00:24:42,720 --> 00:24:45,399
Speaker 1: like something you were just talking about. You know, my

467
00:24:45,520 --> 00:24:47,399
Speaker 1: friend who was an eighteen year old kids, she was

468
00:24:47,440 --> 00:24:50,440
Speaker 1: dealing with anxiety, but because of a completely different subject

469
00:24:50,720 --> 00:24:53,639
Speaker 1: because our kid is older, but we were both dealing

470
00:24:53,680 --> 00:24:58,760
Speaker 1: with anxiety. So it's really relatable to women of all ages.

471
00:24:59,480 --> 00:25:02,119
Speaker 1: And the his tools were really important to me to

472
00:25:02,240 --> 00:25:05,960
Speaker 1: give in the book. In every chapter there's that, and

473
00:25:06,000 --> 00:25:08,600
Speaker 1: then at the end of the chapter, I also asked

474
00:25:08,600 --> 00:25:11,120
Speaker 1: the reader to reflect on their own situations. So it's

475
00:25:11,520 --> 00:25:14,120
Speaker 1: I really tried to make the book like a conversation,

476
00:25:14,240 --> 00:25:16,760
Speaker 1: like a dialogue back and forth love that I want,

477
00:25:16,840 --> 00:25:22,120
Speaker 1: Like I'm gonna can I Can I order it on Amazon? Yes? Yes, perfect, yes,

478
00:25:23,160 --> 00:25:27,639
Speaker 1: right now, you and I. It's out everywhere everywhere, books

479
00:25:27,680 --> 00:25:31,160
Speaker 1: are out. It's out, and it's you know, you can

480
00:25:31,280 --> 00:25:33,240
Speaker 1: order a physical copy, you can get an e book.

481
00:25:33,480 --> 00:25:37,280
Speaker 1: It's it's out. Do you dad have anxieties? By the way,

482
00:25:37,760 --> 00:25:40,320
Speaker 1: I mean there are dads I do, but you know me,

483
00:25:40,400 --> 00:25:46,199
Speaker 1: I'm I'm like you never get I am um. But

484
00:25:46,240 --> 00:25:49,960
Speaker 1: that's why we balanced each other out. Because I'm in

485
00:25:49,960 --> 00:25:52,760
Speaker 1: a plane and it's like terrible turbulence and like, oh

486
00:25:52,800 --> 00:25:55,080
Speaker 1: my god, I could have been a great mother and like,

487
00:25:55,119 --> 00:25:56,879
Speaker 1: my kids are never gonna know me and he's just

488
00:25:56,920 --> 00:26:04,000
Speaker 1: like sitting there watching his iPad like nothing's happening. Yeah,

489
00:26:04,119 --> 00:26:06,840
Speaker 1: we have to. Well, I'm sure you pretty much answered

490
00:26:06,840 --> 00:26:08,960
Speaker 1: my question about what can people you know leave with

491
00:26:09,080 --> 00:26:11,919
Speaker 1: it out of you know, this book. And but I

492
00:26:11,920 --> 00:26:14,760
Speaker 1: will say I again, I appreciate and respect the fact

493
00:26:14,800 --> 00:26:17,680
Speaker 1: that you're being so open because I understand being in

494
00:26:17,720 --> 00:26:21,120
Speaker 1: the public eye and being a celebrity status. It's it's

495
00:26:21,160 --> 00:26:25,879
Speaker 1: scary to lean into that honest, true emotion and experience

496
00:26:25,880 --> 00:26:28,800
Speaker 1: that you may be going through. Um, But with a

497
00:26:28,840 --> 00:26:31,440
Speaker 1: book like it sounds like yours is, you can't bullshit

498
00:26:31,560 --> 00:26:34,680
Speaker 1: that stuff like people readers will will read right past

499
00:26:34,680 --> 00:26:36,760
Speaker 1: that be like this isn't this isn't me, this is

500
00:26:36,760 --> 00:26:40,359
Speaker 1: all fluff. And so I'm inspired to to read it

501
00:26:40,359 --> 00:26:42,960
Speaker 1: with Janna, and especially that you talk about partnerships and

502
00:26:42,960 --> 00:26:45,240
Speaker 1: that people that aren't aren't aren't aren't even married and

503
00:26:45,280 --> 00:26:47,600
Speaker 1: don't have kids can get something out of it. Um,

504
00:26:47,800 --> 00:26:49,439
Speaker 1: Janna and I are all about that life and that

505
00:26:49,520 --> 00:26:52,760
Speaker 1: therapeutic life and learning more about each other and everything.

506
00:26:52,840 --> 00:26:55,000
Speaker 1: So uh, we'll definitely check it out, and we hope

507
00:26:55,040 --> 00:26:57,600
Speaker 1: all the readers married or not, our kids are not

508
00:26:57,720 --> 00:27:00,359
Speaker 1: check it out to yep you and I as mother Laura,

509
00:27:00,400 --> 00:27:02,320
Speaker 1: thank you so much. I know you're on this crazy

510
00:27:02,400 --> 00:27:05,800
Speaker 1: book tour right now, so I just love you. Thank

511
00:27:05,840 --> 00:27:07,720
Speaker 1: you guys so much for having me, and thank you

512
00:27:07,720 --> 00:27:11,000
Speaker 1: guys for what you're doing. And um, I'm just yeah,

513
00:27:11,040 --> 00:27:13,920
Speaker 1: thanks for having me on you guys. So excited to

514
00:27:13,960 --> 00:27:19,199
Speaker 1: read your book. Thank you bye, guys. She's so sweet,

515
00:27:20,119 --> 00:27:24,560
Speaker 1: so sweet. I loved her. She was awesome. I just

516
00:27:24,760 --> 00:27:28,280
Speaker 1: really appreciate what she said that she tried to find

517
00:27:28,320 --> 00:27:30,200
Speaker 1: the book and she couldn't find it, so she wrote it.

518
00:27:30,240 --> 00:27:33,800
Speaker 1: Like I appreciate people that are willing to share their

519
00:27:33,840 --> 00:27:38,600
Speaker 1: stories because they couldn't find it for themselves, so now

520
00:27:38,600 --> 00:27:40,840
Speaker 1: they're wanting to give it back to somebody else. I

521
00:27:40,920 --> 00:27:44,159
Speaker 1: just like, I really love that a lot. No, I

522
00:27:44,200 --> 00:27:47,280
Speaker 1: think it's great and it's very powerful thing for someone

523
00:27:47,320 --> 00:27:50,800
Speaker 1: to do. I just think it's funny that like the

524
00:27:50,840 --> 00:27:53,679
Speaker 1: difference in a mom and dad when it comes to

525
00:27:53,760 --> 00:27:58,240
Speaker 1: just the reality. I mean so much so that I

526
00:27:58,400 --> 00:28:03,960
Speaker 1: freak out because you know, for some reason, Jason's room

527
00:28:04,080 --> 00:28:07,480
Speaker 1: just does not get heat to it, and he's you know,

528
00:28:07,560 --> 00:28:10,040
Speaker 1: Michael has been quarantine up in the room, up in

529
00:28:10,320 --> 00:28:13,040
Speaker 1: his media room, like playing video games like at night,

530
00:28:13,119 --> 00:28:17,840
Speaker 1: and he like will keep turning the like the cooler on,

531
00:28:17,960 --> 00:28:20,800
Speaker 1: and I just like, in my mind, there's been so

532
00:28:20,800 --> 00:28:22,840
Speaker 1: many times when I've gone up there and I'm like, Michael,

533
00:28:22,880 --> 00:28:25,000
Speaker 1: you have to keep the heat on because it's going

534
00:28:25,080 --> 00:28:27,760
Speaker 1: to freeze in that little boy's room. And I just

535
00:28:27,840 --> 00:28:30,400
Speaker 1: like I stay up and it's just like, maybe that's

536
00:28:30,400 --> 00:28:32,920
Speaker 1: why I'm waking up in such a panic every night,

537
00:28:33,040 --> 00:28:35,840
Speaker 1: because even last night I went, I made sure to

538
00:28:35,880 --> 00:28:37,960
Speaker 1: go upstairs. I put the heat on, and then you know,

539
00:28:38,000 --> 00:28:39,760
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, honey, it's really cold in his room.

540
00:28:39,760 --> 00:28:41,640
Speaker 1: Stipe put the heat on, like please don't change it.

541
00:28:42,080 --> 00:28:44,480
Speaker 1: And I swear to God this morning when I woke

542
00:28:44,560 --> 00:28:46,560
Speaker 1: up and got that little boy, he was like an

543
00:28:46,680 --> 00:28:49,040
Speaker 1: icicle in his room. You put the damn cooler on.

544
00:28:49,280 --> 00:28:57,440
Speaker 1: What are you thinking. I was like, Mike, don't forget that.

545
00:28:57,440 --> 00:29:00,480
Speaker 1: I was worried about little man being cold. He's literally

546
00:29:00,640 --> 00:29:05,000
Speaker 1: was like walked into his room. I was like, mother,

547
00:29:06,920 --> 00:29:10,560
Speaker 1: So that started our morning off great. But it's just like,

548
00:29:11,120 --> 00:29:12,680
Speaker 1: you know again, like I wake up in the middle

549
00:29:12,720 --> 00:29:14,320
Speaker 1: of the night thinking of those things and you're just

550
00:29:14,360 --> 00:29:16,720
Speaker 1: like you wake up and you're like, I want some

551
00:29:16,800 --> 00:29:21,080
Speaker 1: chicken nuggets with French fries. But it's every you know,

552
00:29:22,280 --> 00:29:25,920
Speaker 1: cartoon or you know, when there's the funnies in the

553
00:29:25,960 --> 00:29:28,840
Speaker 1: in the papers, the funny papers, like the comic cartoons

554
00:29:28,840 --> 00:29:31,720
Speaker 1: and the papers and stuff, it's like you see all those,

555
00:29:32,760 --> 00:29:38,080
Speaker 1: you know, representations of women thinking in depth thought and

556
00:29:38,120 --> 00:29:41,520
Speaker 1: then it's like, you know, thinking about what, you know,

557
00:29:41,600 --> 00:29:44,600
Speaker 1: what color their poop was that morning or something. So

558
00:29:44,640 --> 00:29:47,000
Speaker 1: it's I mean, guys in general, I think are a

559
00:29:47,040 --> 00:29:49,640
Speaker 1: little bit more laxed, but in our relationship, you know

560
00:29:49,720 --> 00:29:51,680
Speaker 1: I am, And again we bounced each other out. And

561
00:29:52,440 --> 00:29:54,720
Speaker 1: do you ever worry? Like what are your fears about

562
00:29:56,120 --> 00:29:59,200
Speaker 1: parenthood in the in the kids? Like I do you?

563
00:29:59,400 --> 00:30:05,920
Speaker 1: Do you genuine only have any fears or anxiety? Or

564
00:30:05,920 --> 00:30:09,440
Speaker 1: do I just carry them all for you? Do I do?

565
00:30:09,480 --> 00:30:12,000
Speaker 1: I worry enough for you. But my whole thing is

566
00:30:12,040 --> 00:30:15,560
Speaker 1: about being prepared. So we have an arsenal because you

567
00:30:15,560 --> 00:30:19,080
Speaker 1: think zombies are coming, Hey, we didn't. We didn't know

568
00:30:19,160 --> 00:30:22,480
Speaker 1: COVID was coming. You can't shoot it. And Janna gave

569
00:30:22,520 --> 00:30:24,560
Speaker 1: me ship about all these latex gloves that I bought

570
00:30:24,640 --> 00:30:27,160
Speaker 1: for the garage. To clean stuff and we use them

571
00:30:27,160 --> 00:30:29,600
Speaker 1: all the time. Now I did that came in and

572
00:30:30,240 --> 00:30:33,440
Speaker 1: so did the fifty thousand sanitizer bottles that I bought

573
00:30:33,480 --> 00:30:37,440
Speaker 1: like a year ago. It's for me. I think it's

574
00:30:37,440 --> 00:30:39,600
Speaker 1: just preparation. And I always tease that, you know, I

575
00:30:39,600 --> 00:30:42,360
Speaker 1: have like a part of my personalities like a doomsday

576
00:30:42,360 --> 00:30:45,200
Speaker 1: prepper and I want like a fallout shelter one day

577
00:30:45,360 --> 00:30:51,960
Speaker 1: or something. But that's what relieves my anxiety is if

578
00:30:52,280 --> 00:30:57,520
Speaker 1: ship goes down, we have what we need. And you know,

579
00:30:57,600 --> 00:30:59,760
Speaker 1: that goes back to when I was a kid. You

580
00:30:59,800 --> 00:31:01,960
Speaker 1: know the thing I've said about my dad, it's like

581
00:31:02,600 --> 00:31:09,400
Speaker 1: in any situation, regardless of week, of how things are going,

582
00:31:10,400 --> 00:31:15,440
Speaker 1: I never was truly worried because I knew my dad

583
00:31:15,480 --> 00:31:19,400
Speaker 1: could handle something, Like it didn't matter what it was.

584
00:31:19,520 --> 00:31:22,120
Speaker 1: I just knew my dad would handle it. And it

585
00:31:22,200 --> 00:31:26,040
Speaker 1: was such a reassured feeling as a kid, Like at

586
00:31:26,040 --> 00:31:28,719
Speaker 1: the end of the day, I like, my Dad's got us,

587
00:31:30,000 --> 00:31:33,480
Speaker 1: you know so, And that's I want that so badly

588
00:31:33,800 --> 00:31:36,239
Speaker 1: for y'all, like I want our kids. I want you

589
00:31:36,280 --> 00:31:38,640
Speaker 1: to be able to be like, no matter what's going

590
00:31:38,680 --> 00:31:42,080
Speaker 1: on in the world, we're together and Dad's got us.

591
00:31:42,560 --> 00:31:44,360
Speaker 1: He might freeze you out of the house, but he's

592
00:31:44,400 --> 00:31:46,320
Speaker 1: got you. You might have the a C on in

593
00:31:46,360 --> 00:31:50,200
Speaker 1: the wintertime, but he's got you. It is. It's just

594
00:31:50,200 --> 00:31:52,720
Speaker 1: one of those things like that. So that's for me.

595
00:31:53,280 --> 00:31:56,000
Speaker 1: I'm trying, I think, just it's naturally instilled to me

596
00:31:56,040 --> 00:31:57,840
Speaker 1: to be calm, cool and collected in a lot of

597
00:31:57,880 --> 00:32:00,360
Speaker 1: ways because that's how my dad was. And I want

598
00:32:00,360 --> 00:32:04,720
Speaker 1: to be that rock in that sense for y'all, um,

599
00:32:04,760 --> 00:32:07,280
Speaker 1: which I think every man wants to be for their family.

600
00:32:07,360 --> 00:32:10,760
Speaker 1: But it's just knowing that my dad absolutely was that

601
00:32:12,240 --> 00:32:18,880
Speaker 1: I don't really register a lot of fears and situations. Yeah, Like,

602
00:32:19,000 --> 00:32:23,160
Speaker 1: I mean, I can definitely, I can understand that for sure.

603
00:32:23,320 --> 00:32:27,800
Speaker 1: And I'll say, you're becoming my rock because you are

604
00:32:27,840 --> 00:32:32,200
Speaker 1: better with my anxieties and stuff instead of making me

605
00:32:32,200 --> 00:32:35,040
Speaker 1: feel stupid. Yeah, it's like you've done an incredible job

606
00:32:35,080 --> 00:32:39,760
Speaker 1: with that. So I mean, I'm starting to trust in

607
00:32:39,800 --> 00:32:46,760
Speaker 1: the rock that I got you. Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah.

608
00:32:47,400 --> 00:32:49,440
Speaker 1: And and the theme of the previous episodes, she still

609
00:32:49,480 --> 00:32:52,520
Speaker 1: has questions, but how big of a rock are you?

610
00:32:52,760 --> 00:32:55,520
Speaker 1: Are you a gray rock? What kind of rock are you? Yeah?

611
00:32:55,600 --> 00:33:01,760
Speaker 1: I know I've stopped asking as many, but here's the deal. Um,

612
00:33:01,800 --> 00:33:06,760
Speaker 1: sometimes we're just a nagging wife. Yes, and it's I

613
00:33:06,840 --> 00:33:10,120
Speaker 1: love that that's what we argue about now, because I'd

614
00:33:10,200 --> 00:33:13,800
Speaker 1: rather argue about a nagging wife than a that's true.

615
00:33:14,920 --> 00:33:18,440
Speaker 1: You know what? Yeah, then lies and I wasn't going

616
00:33:18,480 --> 00:33:23,200
Speaker 1: to say it ain't no secret. All right, let's take

617
00:33:23,240 --> 00:33:36,360
Speaker 1: a break. USA Today articles suggests that you should text

618
00:33:36,480 --> 00:33:39,520
Speaker 1: all your exes just in case you have one more

619
00:33:39,680 --> 00:33:45,400
Speaker 1: thing you wanted to get off your chest. Why that

620
00:33:45,640 --> 00:33:49,920
Speaker 1: was USA Today? USA Today suggested that you should text

621
00:33:49,960 --> 00:33:51,840
Speaker 1: all your exes just in case you have one more

622
00:33:51,840 --> 00:33:53,400
Speaker 1: thing you wanted to get off your chest. If you

623
00:33:53,440 --> 00:33:56,640
Speaker 1: had one X to text, oh, I like it. It

624
00:33:56,680 --> 00:33:59,520
Speaker 1: should be I should start the hashtag one X text.

625
00:34:03,600 --> 00:34:05,600
Speaker 1: You just want to stir the pot right now while

626
00:34:05,600 --> 00:34:09,120
Speaker 1: everyone's quarantine. But hey, it's not me. It's USA Today

627
00:34:09,560 --> 00:34:13,000
Speaker 1: one X two text challenge. Who would you text? And why?

628
00:34:13,120 --> 00:34:18,120
Speaker 1: Here's the thing. What what I make up is you

629
00:34:18,200 --> 00:34:21,040
Speaker 1: have two ways to go with this. You're either going

630
00:34:21,080 --> 00:34:23,400
Speaker 1: to text them like I'm sorry, my bad, or you're

631
00:34:23,400 --> 00:34:27,319
Speaker 1: gonna text them I miss you. Why would you say

632
00:34:27,320 --> 00:34:30,720
Speaker 1: that you missed an X? Not me? But I'm saying

633
00:34:30,800 --> 00:34:33,040
Speaker 1: people like, what else would you have Hey, I had

634
00:34:33,040 --> 00:34:36,279
Speaker 1: broccoli for breakfast? Like, what are you going to text them?

635
00:34:36,280 --> 00:34:39,400
Speaker 1: And say? Um? I would text the next and say,

636
00:34:39,880 --> 00:34:42,440
Speaker 1: I'll tell you right now. I know exactly the X

637
00:34:42,520 --> 00:34:47,080
Speaker 1: that I would text. I would text the X. Is

638
00:34:47,120 --> 00:34:50,759
Speaker 1: there a baby cry? No? I think it is me

639
00:34:50,880 --> 00:34:55,359
Speaker 1: breathing in a gap. You're gonna get like a little

640
00:34:55,360 --> 00:35:00,360
Speaker 1: whistle in your nerves. Yeah, okay, So my hash tag

641
00:35:00,800 --> 00:35:06,719
Speaker 1: one x two text challenge is I would say I'm

642
00:35:06,760 --> 00:35:12,839
Speaker 1: really sorry for the person that I was and the

643
00:35:12,880 --> 00:35:16,839
Speaker 1: way that I wasn't healthy enough to be in that relationship.

644
00:35:17,680 --> 00:35:30,080
Speaker 1: Who did you say that to Brentley? It's out? Shut it? No,

645
00:35:30,520 --> 00:35:33,000
Speaker 1: I'm just saying, like, you know, I was just I

646
00:35:33,040 --> 00:35:38,360
Speaker 1: wasn't you know? No, my god, No, I'm just saying

647
00:35:38,800 --> 00:35:41,480
Speaker 1: I wasn't the best version of myself and that relationship

648
00:35:41,480 --> 00:35:45,120
Speaker 1: I just wasn't, and and I I will. I always

649
00:35:45,120 --> 00:35:47,480
Speaker 1: have a little bit of regret that I didn't handle

650
00:35:47,560 --> 00:35:51,920
Speaker 1: things better, for sure, And that's adult. I'm mature of you.

651
00:35:52,120 --> 00:35:58,520
Speaker 1: I mean I would practically say the same thing to yours. Yeah, well,

652
00:35:58,560 --> 00:35:59,920
Speaker 1: we're not going to reach out to them because that

653
00:36:00,000 --> 00:36:05,040
Speaker 1: wouldn't be healthy. Do you know who mine would be yes,

654
00:36:05,120 --> 00:36:18,480
Speaker 1: I know. Yeah. Yeah. Anyways, anyways, so if y'all can email, no,

655
00:36:18,800 --> 00:36:23,080
Speaker 1: we are not. That's done, okay, Um, Janna just want

656
00:36:23,120 --> 00:36:25,400
Speaker 1: to take this opportunity to well actually know you. I

657
00:36:25,480 --> 00:36:29,960
Speaker 1: should d m S on our wind Down podcast um Instagram. Yeah,

658
00:36:30,040 --> 00:36:33,239
Speaker 1: so it's wind Down Podcast d m S and let

659
00:36:33,320 --> 00:36:36,120
Speaker 1: us know your one x that you want us and

660
00:36:36,160 --> 00:36:40,400
Speaker 1: why and we will next um next episode. We will

661
00:36:40,560 --> 00:36:43,319
Speaker 1: share some share. You can be anonymous, but just share

662
00:36:43,360 --> 00:36:45,880
Speaker 1: the person's first name. Yeah, so we can be like

663
00:36:46,120 --> 00:36:50,200
Speaker 1: for Stacey out there, I'm sorry for Yeah, we'll just

664
00:36:50,280 --> 00:36:55,399
Speaker 1: we'll be your apology. I love that sweet or you're

665
00:36:55,600 --> 00:36:58,120
Speaker 1: not just your apology or your or your f you

666
00:36:58,120 --> 00:37:04,360
Speaker 1: you mother, b B, I miss you. It's gonna be fine.

667
00:37:05,520 --> 00:37:10,799
Speaker 1: Do we have any emails? We do? Let's uh, we're

668
00:37:10,800 --> 00:37:12,719
Speaker 1: gonna I'm gonna check my d m S two on

669
00:37:12,800 --> 00:37:14,960
Speaker 1: the Wine Down podcast and see if we've got a name.

670
00:37:15,040 --> 00:37:18,440
Speaker 1: But read me an email first, all right. This email

671
00:37:18,520 --> 00:37:22,000
Speaker 1: is from a tourist in my own world. It's titled

672
00:37:22,000 --> 00:37:24,799
Speaker 1: issues in the Bedroom. My boyfriend and I have been

673
00:37:24,800 --> 00:37:28,279
Speaker 1: together for six months. We are my boyfriend and I are.

674
00:37:30,760 --> 00:37:36,920
Speaker 1: This email is from tourist at my own Oh my god. Okay,

675
00:37:37,120 --> 00:37:40,480
Speaker 1: start over Eastern Please call this. It's on Tori to

676
00:37:40,520 --> 00:37:46,759
Speaker 1: do it. She might not alright. This emails from a

677
00:37:46,800 --> 00:37:49,760
Speaker 1: tourist in my own world and the title is issues

678
00:37:49,760 --> 00:37:52,240
Speaker 1: in the Bedroom. My boyfriend and I have been together

679
00:37:52,280 --> 00:37:55,120
Speaker 1: for six months. We are having problems in the bedroom.

680
00:37:55,160 --> 00:37:57,120
Speaker 1: He has had problems in the past where a girl

681
00:37:57,160 --> 00:37:59,799
Speaker 1: has told him not to climax. So when we were

682
00:37:59,800 --> 00:38:02,120
Speaker 1: in the moment, I said, it's okay if you can't.

683
00:38:02,840 --> 00:38:05,200
Speaker 1: I didn't know that bothered him until three weeks later

684
00:38:05,280 --> 00:38:07,600
Speaker 1: when he told me that's why he's been acting distant.

685
00:38:08,000 --> 00:38:10,040
Speaker 1: He said he knows I said it coming from the

686
00:38:10,080 --> 00:38:12,399
Speaker 1: best place, but he mentally didn't respond well. But now

687
00:38:12,440 --> 00:38:14,200
Speaker 1: he says he doesn't want to have sex right now.

688
00:38:14,480 --> 00:38:16,560
Speaker 1: He's distant. I'm so worried he's unhappy with me. My

689
00:38:16,600 --> 00:38:19,120
Speaker 1: anxiety and depression are through the roof, even with all

690
00:38:19,160 --> 00:38:21,279
Speaker 1: the individual therapy I do. Mike, how can I more

691
00:38:21,360 --> 00:38:23,800
Speaker 1: understand why he doesn't want to have sex with me? Ganna,

692
00:38:23,880 --> 00:38:25,919
Speaker 1: how do you know when to let go and when

693
00:38:25,920 --> 00:38:33,600
Speaker 1: to keep pulling on? That's a bummer because I just

694
00:38:33,640 --> 00:38:39,760
Speaker 1: wish i'all could maybe communicate about it. Um and I think,

695
00:38:39,960 --> 00:38:42,520
Speaker 1: if you know, I would just try to sit him

696
00:38:42,560 --> 00:38:45,960
Speaker 1: down and have a conversation with them and just talk

697
00:38:46,000 --> 00:38:49,359
Speaker 1: about like how it made a feel and because there's

698
00:38:49,400 --> 00:38:52,480
Speaker 1: nothing worse than having conversations about sex and not performing

699
00:38:52,480 --> 00:38:54,640
Speaker 1: in the bedroom. I mean, that's what took Mike and

700
00:38:54,680 --> 00:39:00,880
Speaker 1: I like a few months off of our pattern. I

701
00:39:00,880 --> 00:39:03,640
Speaker 1: guess you can say, because when you have anxiety, it's

702
00:39:03,719 --> 00:39:06,600
Speaker 1: and then you talk about it and there's performance issues

703
00:39:06,600 --> 00:39:10,000
Speaker 1: in the bedroom, is just gonna get worse. Um, So

704
00:39:10,040 --> 00:39:12,640
Speaker 1: I think maybe just have one final last conversation then

705
00:39:12,680 --> 00:39:16,840
Speaker 1: don't bring it up again and see if it gets better, um,

706
00:39:16,960 --> 00:39:19,120
Speaker 1: and just kind of go from there. But I would

707
00:39:19,440 --> 00:39:27,960
Speaker 1: I would not beat the horse un intended twelve year

708
00:39:27,960 --> 00:39:33,640
Speaker 1: old Janna. Um, how Mike, how can I understand more

709
00:39:33,680 --> 00:39:36,919
Speaker 1: of it? So? Yeah, to Jane's point, this is hard

710
00:39:37,000 --> 00:39:44,280
Speaker 1: because for men it becomes like a mental thing. And

711
00:39:46,280 --> 00:39:47,880
Speaker 1: you know, when Janna and I have had issues in

712
00:39:47,920 --> 00:39:53,720
Speaker 1: the past, it does become this just mental handicap where

713
00:39:53,880 --> 00:39:57,160
Speaker 1: you start like I would have anxiety when it got

714
00:39:57,160 --> 00:40:03,640
Speaker 1: closer to bedtime because of just my fears of being

715
00:40:03,680 --> 00:40:09,319
Speaker 1: intimate or performance issues or not being another whatever it was.

716
00:40:09,960 --> 00:40:13,000
Speaker 1: M it's been a long time since I've dealt with that,

717
00:40:13,040 --> 00:40:15,880
Speaker 1: but it just takes time of just comfort and for you.

718
00:40:16,480 --> 00:40:19,840
Speaker 1: It was finally until Janna realized that the more she

719
00:40:20,040 --> 00:40:22,680
Speaker 1: harped on me about it, the more she you know,

720
00:40:22,880 --> 00:40:26,360
Speaker 1: pressured me about it, didn't help. That just pushed me

721
00:40:26,400 --> 00:40:31,040
Speaker 1: farther away. So once Janna was just like, didn't have

722
00:40:31,120 --> 00:40:35,120
Speaker 1: these expectations, and and just I was like, okay, like

723
00:40:35,160 --> 00:40:36,880
Speaker 1: you know, let's just lay in bed, like we we

724
00:40:36,880 --> 00:40:40,239
Speaker 1: don't even have to like bring up sex, you know,

725
00:40:40,320 --> 00:40:44,000
Speaker 1: y'aker takes sex off the table for a period of time,

726
00:40:44,040 --> 00:40:46,120
Speaker 1: a couple of weeks, a couple of days, a month, whatever,

727
00:40:47,480 --> 00:40:51,120
Speaker 1: and then allow him to get more comfortable, you know,

728
00:40:51,200 --> 00:40:53,960
Speaker 1: going through the day with you, so leading up to

729
00:40:54,000 --> 00:40:59,880
Speaker 1: bedtime there's no pressure. Um, So it's tough, you know,

730
00:41:00,120 --> 00:41:03,840
Speaker 1: it's a sensitive thing for guys. Have a d M

731
00:41:03,920 --> 00:41:06,960
Speaker 1: from the wind Down Podcast Instagram question for the podcast.

732
00:41:07,040 --> 00:41:10,160
Speaker 1: Would love some outside advice. My husband's parents are verbally

733
00:41:10,239 --> 00:41:13,800
Speaker 1: mentally abusive, and his dad threatened me last spring because

734
00:41:13,800 --> 00:41:16,520
Speaker 1: they feel I'm taking their son away from them. Since

735
00:41:16,640 --> 00:41:19,080
Speaker 1: him and I have started standing up to them, my

736
00:41:19,160 --> 00:41:22,560
Speaker 1: husband decided he wanted to cut them off out of

737
00:41:22,600 --> 00:41:25,720
Speaker 1: their life after he threatened me, so we haven't talked

738
00:41:25,760 --> 00:41:27,759
Speaker 1: to them in months. The issue now is that I'm

739
00:41:27,800 --> 00:41:30,360
Speaker 1: eight weeks pregnant and my husband is really struggling with

740
00:41:30,400 --> 00:41:32,520
Speaker 1: knowing his parents won't be involved in his kid's life,

741
00:41:32,520 --> 00:41:35,040
Speaker 1: and it's making him very sad and I don't know

742
00:41:35,080 --> 00:41:37,640
Speaker 1: how to support him. I told him previously if he

743
00:41:37,719 --> 00:41:39,960
Speaker 1: ever felt he wanted to change his mind about cutting

744
00:41:39,960 --> 00:41:42,319
Speaker 1: them out, as long as we are safe, I would

745
00:41:42,320 --> 00:41:45,160
Speaker 1: support him and whatever he decided. That being said, I

746
00:41:45,239 --> 00:41:47,920
Speaker 1: now have to think about a kid and their safety,

747
00:41:47,960 --> 00:41:50,080
Speaker 1: and I do not trust his parents to be a

748
00:41:50,120 --> 00:41:54,320
Speaker 1: part of their life. How would you handle this? Wow?

749
00:41:54,480 --> 00:41:59,520
Speaker 1: How and why? I just think he says, because she

750
00:41:59,560 --> 00:42:02,880
Speaker 1: said be has um they had threatened and they felt

751
00:42:02,920 --> 00:42:05,680
Speaker 1: like you know, he was she was taking him away

752
00:42:05,760 --> 00:42:09,799
Speaker 1: from the family because they started staying because the Sun

753
00:42:09,920 --> 00:42:11,480
Speaker 1: was being like, you can't talk to my wife like

754
00:42:11,520 --> 00:42:17,919
Speaker 1: that psycho family. Well look, yes, but I also think

755
00:42:19,200 --> 00:42:22,879
Speaker 1: some families are just very especially in the sun, like,

756
00:42:23,080 --> 00:42:25,440
Speaker 1: Lord knows what I'll be with my son. I mean, granted,

757
00:42:26,440 --> 00:42:30,239
Speaker 1: not to threaten someone like that's so severe, Like that's

758
00:42:30,280 --> 00:42:35,839
Speaker 1: not okay at all, um at all, And honestly, you

759
00:42:35,840 --> 00:42:37,840
Speaker 1: know as I'm reading. As I was reading it, I

760
00:42:37,880 --> 00:42:39,840
Speaker 1: was just starting to think, like I got really protective

761
00:42:39,880 --> 00:42:41,880
Speaker 1: as a mama bear, and I'm like, no way the

762
00:42:41,960 --> 00:42:45,000
Speaker 1: kid is going to be around the grandparents. But at

763
00:42:45,000 --> 00:42:48,919
Speaker 1: the same time, if that's like your parents, it's that's

764
00:42:48,960 --> 00:42:51,680
Speaker 1: such a hard situation. I would probably say, like if

765
00:42:51,760 --> 00:42:57,439
Speaker 1: they start to show any sign of remorse or empathy

766
00:42:57,560 --> 00:43:00,640
Speaker 1: or say they're sorry, then maybe I would let them

767
00:43:00,680 --> 00:43:04,080
Speaker 1: have like a visitation, not alone with the baby, but

768
00:43:04,160 --> 00:43:07,799
Speaker 1: like with your husband and the baby and you there too.

769
00:43:08,160 --> 00:43:09,359
Speaker 1: And if you don't want to be there to make

770
00:43:09,400 --> 00:43:12,960
Speaker 1: sure your husband like is you know, absolutely by the baby,

771
00:43:13,040 --> 00:43:15,319
Speaker 1: because I totally get them, you wanting them to have

772
00:43:15,360 --> 00:43:17,960
Speaker 1: a relationship too, But if they're threatening you, like you

773
00:43:17,960 --> 00:43:19,520
Speaker 1: don't want any part of that, and that's not going

774
00:43:19,600 --> 00:43:23,000
Speaker 1: to be healthy for any situation. And you also don't

775
00:43:23,000 --> 00:43:28,279
Speaker 1: want that's just like not good. No, And I mean

776
00:43:28,360 --> 00:43:33,800
Speaker 1: unless she is you know, bat ship and like really

777
00:43:33,840 --> 00:43:36,600
Speaker 1: just a bad influence on him or something that we

778
00:43:36,640 --> 00:43:40,240
Speaker 1: don't know about. Why would something like someone's parents threaten

779
00:43:42,080 --> 00:43:45,719
Speaker 1: them and like the fact that they're together and having

780
00:43:45,760 --> 00:43:51,560
Speaker 1: a kid. For me, even if it was my parents,

781
00:43:52,800 --> 00:43:55,680
Speaker 1: if they acted that way, I'll be like, f you,

782
00:43:57,120 --> 00:43:58,880
Speaker 1: And the only way you're going to see your grandkids

783
00:43:58,960 --> 00:44:00,719
Speaker 1: is if they do what you're saying. We're over a

784
00:44:00,719 --> 00:44:05,280
Speaker 1: period of time, they show remorse, they show empathy and

785
00:44:05,480 --> 00:44:08,080
Speaker 1: sincerity with them being sorry and the way they were,

786
00:44:08,640 --> 00:44:10,319
Speaker 1: and maybe they can warm up to having some time.

787
00:44:10,360 --> 00:44:14,960
Speaker 1: But I would have no issue cutting out my parents

788
00:44:14,960 --> 00:44:18,400
Speaker 1: if I had to, if they were acting that way. None.

789
00:44:19,120 --> 00:44:22,360
Speaker 1: But that's just me. No, I mean same anything to

790
00:44:22,400 --> 00:44:25,759
Speaker 1: protect because the the day it's I can handle any

791
00:44:26,000 --> 00:44:29,160
Speaker 1: threat whatever, it sucks and it hurts. But when it

792
00:44:29,200 --> 00:44:31,719
Speaker 1: comes to my kids, like I'm in a mama bear

793
00:44:31,760 --> 00:44:33,960
Speaker 1: the crap out of them and they know nobody coming

794
00:44:34,000 --> 00:44:36,719
Speaker 1: near me, near me or my kids that are going

795
00:44:36,719 --> 00:44:40,000
Speaker 1: to be like that. Um, try to read one moreder

796
00:44:40,080 --> 00:44:42,279
Speaker 1: already think we're done. We're gonna go. I like this

797
00:44:42,320 --> 00:44:45,080
Speaker 1: handing me an email unless you found a good DM.

798
00:44:45,120 --> 00:44:46,640
Speaker 1: I mean, there's a bunch of good dms like how

799
00:44:46,640 --> 00:44:52,879
Speaker 1: you're handing, like managing anxiety and right now drink works

800
00:44:52,880 --> 00:44:56,680
Speaker 1: in wine and a lot of deep breaths and quiet time.

801
00:44:57,600 --> 00:45:00,920
Speaker 1: Read the Handyman one buddy, Okay, they one's from Jamie,

802
00:45:01,320 --> 00:45:03,919
Speaker 1: my handyman. I wanted to follow up with you about

803
00:45:03,920 --> 00:45:06,520
Speaker 1: asking questions when my husband does a project. My husband

804
00:45:06,600 --> 00:45:09,960
Speaker 1: is not as handy as Mike I think, so I

805
00:45:10,000 --> 00:45:12,600
Speaker 1: do ask a lot of questions and I'm totally judging

806
00:45:12,760 --> 00:45:15,560
Speaker 1: l well. Also, when he does a project, I criticize

807
00:45:15,600 --> 00:45:18,120
Speaker 1: how he does things because it's not how I would

808
00:45:18,160 --> 00:45:20,279
Speaker 1: do it, or it's not how I envision it. How

809
00:45:20,320 --> 00:45:22,800
Speaker 1: do I go about this? First of all, Jamie, I

810
00:45:22,800 --> 00:45:31,640
Speaker 1: appreciate your honesty. Second, um, so what I tell Janna,

811
00:45:33,320 --> 00:45:36,439
Speaker 1: You know, if you say going into a project, he's like, oh,

812
00:45:36,480 --> 00:45:40,040
Speaker 1: I want to do this, and you start to have

813
00:45:40,120 --> 00:45:45,080
Speaker 1: these feelings around it or expectations, sit down and talk

814
00:45:45,200 --> 00:45:47,560
Speaker 1: ahead of time and be like, hey, do you want

815
00:45:47,600 --> 00:45:49,600
Speaker 1: to talk out like what your plan is with it?

816
00:45:49,719 --> 00:45:52,360
Speaker 1: And I'm not trying to control the situation. I just

817
00:45:52,400 --> 00:45:54,319
Speaker 1: don't want to be unfair to you where you do

818
00:45:54,400 --> 00:45:56,880
Speaker 1: it and I ask questions and then I'm critical of

819
00:45:56,880 --> 00:45:59,520
Speaker 1: how you do it. I'm just I just want to understand.

820
00:46:00,640 --> 00:46:02,759
Speaker 1: So like with the patio thing or the show, you

821
00:46:02,800 --> 00:46:05,040
Speaker 1: know the board and all this or the board I forgot,

822
00:46:05,040 --> 00:46:08,000
Speaker 1: But with the patio thing that I built, if Janna

823
00:46:08,239 --> 00:46:10,160
Speaker 1: like going into it, she's like, oh, so what do

824
00:46:10,160 --> 00:46:12,080
Speaker 1: you think you're gonna do? For this? I would have

825
00:46:12,120 --> 00:46:13,839
Speaker 1: talked her through it. I'm like, Okay, I'm a border

826
00:46:13,920 --> 00:46:15,680
Speaker 1: or two by four s and I'm gonna, you know,

827
00:46:15,719 --> 00:46:17,920
Speaker 1: you soil and flatten the ground. I'm gonna put rocks.

828
00:46:18,239 --> 00:46:22,239
Speaker 1: And then she could have any questions then and it

829
00:46:22,280 --> 00:46:27,840
Speaker 1: wouldn't be as it wouldn't come across as critical after

830
00:46:28,160 --> 00:46:30,879
Speaker 1: because it was before I did the project. If it's

831
00:46:30,920 --> 00:46:34,120
Speaker 1: after I did something, the only way that I can

832
00:46:34,160 --> 00:46:40,360
Speaker 1: receive that is that is is as criticism, because in

833
00:46:40,440 --> 00:46:43,719
Speaker 1: my mind, the only reason you're asking a question is

834
00:46:43,760 --> 00:46:46,279
Speaker 1: because you're critical, or you're questioning it or you don't

835
00:46:46,280 --> 00:46:48,560
Speaker 1: like it. If you ask the questions ahead of time,

836
00:46:48,600 --> 00:46:52,279
Speaker 1: and then y'all both on the same plane for the

837
00:46:52,320 --> 00:46:54,480
Speaker 1: expectations of what it's gonna be, what it's gonna look like,

838
00:46:54,480 --> 00:46:58,200
Speaker 1: and how it's gonna function, then there doesn't have to

839
00:46:58,239 --> 00:47:02,360
Speaker 1: be all these questions and passiveness and criticism. And because

840
00:47:02,400 --> 00:47:06,000
Speaker 1: honestly it's it's frustrating and it's emasculating, and it sucks

841
00:47:06,600 --> 00:47:09,719
Speaker 1: and so and if it's something Jamie that the handiwork

842
00:47:09,800 --> 00:47:11,840
Speaker 1: isn't in your realm like we talked about, you know,

843
00:47:11,920 --> 00:47:17,520
Speaker 1: last episode. You know, it sucks to get criticized on

844
00:47:17,600 --> 00:47:19,800
Speaker 1: something or fuel criticized on something that the other person

845
00:47:19,880 --> 00:47:24,279
Speaker 1: doesn't even do. So honey, yeah, no, I agree with

846
00:47:24,320 --> 00:47:27,200
Speaker 1: that for sure. I definitely agree with up. Um. I

847
00:47:27,200 --> 00:47:30,040
Speaker 1: think we should end on a quarantine p s A.

848
00:47:30,960 --> 00:47:32,759
Speaker 1: I get one and you get one. I love all

849
00:47:32,760 --> 00:47:36,319
Speaker 1: these little weird challenges today. Quarantine p s A. This

850
00:47:36,480 --> 00:47:40,440
Speaker 1: comes to all the husbands out there, UM that are

851
00:47:40,600 --> 00:47:43,399
Speaker 1: listening and just tuning in for the last one minute

852
00:47:43,440 --> 00:47:47,200
Speaker 1: because your wife is going to replay this. UM. I

853
00:47:47,239 --> 00:47:49,160
Speaker 1: was on a zoom call last night with some of

854
00:47:49,200 --> 00:47:55,960
Speaker 1: my girlfriends. Here is your quarantine p s A. Husband's men, boyfriends,

855
00:47:56,640 --> 00:48:00,160
Speaker 1: We are not your maids. Put away your shoes, and

856
00:48:00,880 --> 00:48:03,239
Speaker 1: if you're up in the playroom, please clean as you

857
00:48:03,239 --> 00:48:06,320
Speaker 1: go so that we don't feel like the asshole moms

858
00:48:06,360 --> 00:48:09,600
Speaker 1: that have to come and clean and make them clean up.

859
00:48:09,680 --> 00:48:14,879
Speaker 1: So thank you. Have a great day. Go for it, dude. Yes,

860
00:48:17,440 --> 00:48:21,520
Speaker 1: So this is my quarantine face to all you wives

861
00:48:21,560 --> 00:48:29,279
Speaker 1: out there, girlfriends or significant others, to your men or partners, UM,

862
00:48:29,560 --> 00:48:37,880
Speaker 1: just remember, shut up, shut up, leave me alone. No

863
00:48:38,120 --> 00:48:43,120
Speaker 1: mine would be Remember that no one person's way is

864
00:48:43,480 --> 00:48:47,160
Speaker 1: the right way. Everyone does things differently and that's okay.

865
00:48:48,640 --> 00:48:54,759
Speaker 1: Oh snooze, snooze. No, just because we don't think do

866
00:48:54,920 --> 00:48:58,360
Speaker 1: things on your timeline or in the fashion of what

867
00:48:58,440 --> 00:49:03,640
Speaker 1: you do them doesn't mean it's incorrect. So have a

868
00:49:03,640 --> 00:49:07,480
Speaker 1: little have a little grace, cut us some slack, and

869
00:49:07,640 --> 00:49:10,919
Speaker 1: that is your p s A quarantine from Jana and Mike.

870
00:49:11,040 --> 00:49:14,280
Speaker 1: Have a good one. See you next week.