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Speaker 1: This is John.

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Speaker 2: This is your og Okay Storytime podcast hosts, and.

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Speaker 3: We have some rocking stories for you coming up.

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Speaker 2: But before you rock out with your socks out, I

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Speaker 2: got a quick tun minute ad break from a sponsors,

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Speaker 2: keeping the show rocking and rolling.

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Speaker 1: My sister is dating my ex and she's mad that

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Speaker 1: I didn't react. The rage bait backfired. My sister recently

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Speaker 1: told me she has been getting coffee regularly with an

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Speaker 1: ex girlfriend who broke up with me way back in

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Speaker 1: two thousand and five. She hid it from me for

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Speaker 1: over two months, and then when she eventually told me

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Speaker 1: and asked if I was okay with it, I had

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Speaker 1: no visible reaction and asked her what she wanted from me.

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Speaker 1: By the way, this comes from Mobile Meal ten to

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Speaker 1: fifty nine, and if you want to spend your own stories,

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Speaker 1: go to the r slash Okay story Time. Supured it.

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Speaker 1: This X and I dated from nineteen ninety nine to

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Speaker 1: two thousand and five, from the ages of fourteen to twenty.

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Speaker 1: She was cheating on me over the last two years

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Speaker 1: and left me for that guy. It was twenty years

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Speaker 1: years ago. I'm forty now. I was heartbroken, but dealt

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Speaker 1: with it and moved on. I have a wife, I've

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Speaker 1: been married for twelve years to her. I'm a dad

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Speaker 1: to three kids. Why would I care about someone from

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Speaker 1: twenty years ago. My sister is frustrated because I have

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Speaker 1: no reaction. She wants to know if I'm okay with

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Speaker 1: it or not. They were good friends back then, but

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Speaker 1: stop talking when the breakup happened. But she says it's

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Speaker 1: like all that time hasn't passed. I guess she wants

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Speaker 1: my approval. Like I said, I literally don't care. If

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Speaker 1: she wants to talk to her, that's fine, but I

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Speaker 1: won't be interested. It's her life. She can talk to

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Speaker 1: who she wants. Edit to add, my sister also felt

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Speaker 1: as betrayed as I did about the cheating, hence why

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Speaker 1: they stopped talking. But again, the whole affair was twenty

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Speaker 1: years ago, and I dealt with the hurt and have

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Speaker 1: moved on from it. I genuinely don't feel weird if

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Speaker 1: my sister is talking to her again. And there are

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Speaker 1: some comments, but what do you think this is Op's

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Speaker 1: X from twenty years ago? Cheated on opee with the

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Speaker 1: sister or just in general in general with another guy? Okay, gotcha?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, and twenty years ago, but then the sister

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Speaker 4: is now interested or was interested back then or something.

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Speaker 1: It's unclear because right now it seems like they're just like,

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Speaker 1: I want to talk to your ax. Yeah. So maybe

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Speaker 1: the dating comes later and she's just testing the waters

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Speaker 1: and she's like, yeah, just trying to see if it's

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Speaker 1: okay if I hang out with your ex. I don't care. Okay,

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Speaker 1: I haven't seen her in twenty years.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, okay makes a little bit more sense. But I

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Speaker 4: don't know, go ahead, just do it.

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Speaker 1: Literally, I'd just be like, would you want okay?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I don't know what you'd be the A hole for.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, you just didn't do anything. Yeah, sure, I don't know. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I haven't thought about her in a minute. I'm in one,

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Speaker 1: not the a hole. It was twenty years ago, and

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Speaker 1: you've more than moved on. I actually think you're being

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Speaker 1: quite mature and having no reaction would be a normal

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Speaker 1: response to hearing about someone you haven't seen or heard

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Speaker 1: from in twenty years. Maybe your sister feels guilty for

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Speaker 1: talking to her again because of the cheating, Opie says.

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Speaker 1: I can see why she may feel guilty because she

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Speaker 1: was swiftly on my side and felt extremely hurt and

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Speaker 1: betrayed too, But again, it was a very long time ago,

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Speaker 1: and I literally don't care who she talks to you,

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Speaker 1: as it's not like it just happened. Reply how did

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Speaker 1: they start talking again if they haven't seen each other

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Speaker 1: in so long, Opie says. She said, apparently she was

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Speaker 1: out getting stuff for my nieces when she bumped into

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Speaker 1: my ex by chance. They talked for a bit, ended

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Speaker 1: up exchanging numbers, and have been talking most days, doing

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Speaker 1: a lot of catch up, and have been getting coffee

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Speaker 1: at least once a week now. And reply, so this

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Speaker 1: is really weird to me, you said, you have no reaction, like,

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Speaker 1: did you just stare at your sister deadpan for thirty

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Speaker 1: seconds then move on? Did you tell her okay, I

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Speaker 1: don't care, have fun, I'm happily married. I got no

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Speaker 1: interest in her life or who she talks to. Then

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Speaker 1: that is an answer, and your sister should accept it.

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Speaker 1: I'm friends with people who are friends with my ex wife.

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Speaker 1: I just go all right, cool, leave me out of

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Speaker 1: anything involving her. But I don't care if you're friends

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Speaker 1: with her. She did the thing to me, not you,

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Speaker 1: and I'm married. The woman so I know she has

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Speaker 1: the qualities to be a good friend. I'm just not

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Speaker 1: interested to hear from or about her, And everyone I

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Speaker 1: know has been absolutely fine with that answer. It makes

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Speaker 1: it sound like you didn't actually tell your sister or anything.

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Speaker 1: Tell her you're fine with their friendship, but you want

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Speaker 1: nothing to do with it. Comment two says, not the ale.

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Speaker 1: Just tell her that you're fine with it full stop.

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Speaker 1: Why exactly did she get mad at you for not

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Speaker 1: showing a reaction? Reply My guy says, she wants a

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Speaker 1: clear sign off. She may feel like she's betraying you

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Speaker 1: by being friends with her. My brother's ex wife cheated

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Speaker 1: on him a lot, and even though he didn't ask

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Speaker 1: for it, I hate her for him. She's probably asking

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Speaker 1: if it's okay to be friend friends if she is

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Speaker 1: the loyal type, and based on the way she took

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Speaker 1: your side, she isn't asking you if you don't care,

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Speaker 1: but wants you to bless the friendship. And there is

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Speaker 1: an update, folks, But any.

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Speaker 4: Other thoughts, Yeah, I mean, I guess that would make sense.

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Speaker 4: Maybe she like, yeah, maybe she is just loyal and

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Speaker 4: just like kind of feels.

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Speaker 1: Bad for wanting this.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, but she wants it, and so she just kind

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Speaker 4: of needs, like the okay to not feel guilty.

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Speaker 1: I mean, that's yeah, that.

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Speaker 4: Makes sense to me.

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Speaker 1: Sure, but I feel like it's not really Opee's job

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Speaker 1: to make her not feel guilty. Oh totally yeah. I

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Speaker 1: feel like Opee's well within his right to just be like, I.

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Speaker 4: Don't know, I gueah like whatever, No, yeah, I totally agree.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Update, I realized I had never given my sister

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Speaker 1: an exact answer, just that I had no visible reaction,

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Speaker 1: just that I had asked her what she wanted from me,

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Speaker 1: and she was frustrated over it. I ended up calling

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Speaker 1: her not that long ago and we talked about it.

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Speaker 1: I asked why she felt so strongly about wanting to

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Speaker 1: know my feelings about it, and a lot of you

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Speaker 1: suspected she wanted approval, and you were right. I explained

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Speaker 1: in my original post that my sister and expert quite

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Speaker 1: good friends, and that the friendship ended because I got

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Speaker 1: cheated on and my sister also felt betrayed. The two

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Speaker 1: haven't spoken in twenty years. When my sister and my

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Speaker 1: experre friends, they did a lot with me and together,

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Speaker 1: they did a lot together and were almost like best friends.

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Speaker 1: And my sister told me that of course she was

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Speaker 1: pissed and felt betrayed about the cheating, but also sad

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Speaker 1: because she lost her only genuine friend at the time.

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Speaker 1: I know she has really struggled to maintain good friendships,

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Speaker 1: so she said when she happened to bump into my

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Speaker 1: ex by chance, and that they picked up where they

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Speaker 1: left off, she left at the chance to start their

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Speaker 1: friendship up again. She said it's like a fog has

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Speaker 1: been lifted from her and that she feels like she

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Speaker 1: has her best friend back. She said she wanted to

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Speaker 1: tell me, but thought I'd be weird about it because

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Speaker 1: at the time I was so cut up about the breakup.

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Speaker 1: She feels really guilty for being happy about rekindling her

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Speaker 1: friendship with someone who caused me so much pain. After

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Speaker 1: hearing all that, I understand why she wants to maintain

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Speaker 1: the friendship and why she didn't want to tell me.

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Speaker 1: I explicitly told her that I have no reaction to it, because,

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Speaker 1: without sounding like a wiener, I really don't care who

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Speaker 1: she spends time with. I told her I feel enough

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Speaker 1: time has passed that I can accept my exes in

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Speaker 1: her life, especially since my sister told me she's still

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Speaker 1: with the man she left me for and they're married

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Speaker 1: and have a family, so they're obviously serious. I do

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Speaker 1: think we're gonna have to re record that title.

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Speaker 4: It's not accurate yeah, because it said like cheated or something.

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Speaker 1: Or no, it said my sister is dating my ex

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Speaker 1: and she's yeah. She also said her daughters by nieces

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Speaker 1: are the same age as my ex's kids, and that

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Speaker 1: it would be good for the kids to be friends too,

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Speaker 1: which I get as they don't have many. Like I said,

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Speaker 1: I have also moved on and have been married for

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Speaker 1: twelve years and I have three kids. I basically told

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Speaker 1: my sister if she's looking for my blessing, but that

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Speaker 1: I won't be involved or really interested in the friendship

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Speaker 1: because it doesn't mean anything to me anymore. I also

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Speaker 1: told her she shouldn't feel guilty, as it's happened, it's done,

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Speaker 1: and I moved on and recovered from it. Like if

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Speaker 1: I saw the ex, I would be civil, but I

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Speaker 1: wouldn't be weird or anything about it, because again I

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Speaker 1: don't really care. Plus, from the sounds of it, the

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Speaker 1: ex will really only be mingling with my sister, potentially

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Speaker 1: my brother in law and their kids, so I may

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Speaker 1: not see her at all. She left the call feeling

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Speaker 1: at least happier, and I'm just glad she has a

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Speaker 1: friend back. I suppose, not an exciting update or anything,

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Speaker 1: but I guess a good outcome. We were just mature

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Speaker 1: and civilized. Do you have any final thoughts? I feel

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Speaker 1: like this.

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Speaker 4: Makes this feels like no one's a whole cun Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Sorry, I feel like it wants to be friends with

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Speaker 1: your ex. Yeah it's been twenty years. Yeah, you don't

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Speaker 1: really care.

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Speaker 3: She's just thinking of your feelings.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, but you don't have any.

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Speaker 3: So cool.

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Speaker 1: Honestly, I feel like it's kind of it's cool of

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Speaker 1: her to be like, hey, are you good this?

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Speaker 3: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: I think that's actually really polite. For sure? For sure,

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Speaker 1: I don't know. Yeah, you know what a a plus?

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Speaker 1: Good job everyone, good job everyone what.

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Speaker 4: We like to see, except for you know, the one

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Speaker 4: that cheated.

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Speaker 1: Yeah that's job. But edit, my wife knows like me,

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Speaker 1: she doesn't care. She would have a problem if my

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Speaker 1: sister expected my ex to be involved in family stuff

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Speaker 1: if we were there. But it seems like from what

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Speaker 1: my sister says, my ex will only be involved in

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Speaker 1: her life and potentially her and my ex's kids can

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Speaker 1: be friends. I need to make it clear my ex

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Speaker 1: will not be involved in my life in any way

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Speaker 1: or be around my children. And no, this isn't some

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Speaker 1: plot of my sister who secretly wants me to get

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Speaker 1: back together. And no, I'm not cutting my sister off

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Speaker 1: because she's friends again with the woman who cheated on me.

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Speaker 1: It was twenty years ago. I'm over it. I don't

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Speaker 1: care anymore. She can be friends with whoever she wants

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Speaker 1: as long as she's happy.

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Speaker 4: My family's jealousy it ruined my my wedding. Now they

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Speaker 4: want to reconnect. No, am I the hole for blocking

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Speaker 4: my whole family on my mother's side after my wedding

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Speaker 4: and not talking to them even when they still try

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Speaker 4: to contact me. I twenty eight female, got married two

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Speaker 4: years ago and moved to a different country just two

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Speaker 4: weeks after. Since then, I've never spoken to any of

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Speaker 4: my aunt's uncles or cousins from my mom's side. By

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Speaker 4: the way, this comes from Tired but Witchy on the

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Speaker 4: Charlotte do Bray YouTube sepreddit, But if you want to

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Speaker 4: submit your own stories, go to the r slash Okay

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Speaker 4: storytime Separated it so. For background, my mom's entire family

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Speaker 4: lives in the same town as us. Growing up, we

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Speaker 4: were very close. I used to live in another city

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Speaker 4: for my studies, but whenever I came home, it was

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Speaker 4: always dinners, meet ups, staying over at each other's houses,

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Speaker 4: and going on trips. They felt like my people. I

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Speaker 4: was very close with all of them, especially my cousins.

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Speaker 4: The issues started one year before my wedding when I

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Speaker 4: got engaged to my longtime boyfriend, and our culture, love

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Speaker 4: marriages are not common. In fact, I am the first

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Speaker 4: one in my family to have a love marriage. Luckily,

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Speaker 4: my parents were supportive and open about it. Since my

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Speaker 4: boyfriend and his family lived in the same area, my

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Speaker 4: parents already knew him and they were happy with our relationship.

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Speaker 4: During my engagement party, one of my uncles, my mom's

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Speaker 4: sister's husband, made a horrible comment about me. First, they

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Speaker 4: came really late to the party and didn't talk to

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Speaker 4: any of us. Then he said, in front of other

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Speaker 4: family members, if my daughter was effing around with a

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Speaker 4: boy and then came asking you for a marriage, I

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Speaker 4: would be ashamed not celebrating they're engaged. We didn't even

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Speaker 4: know this happened. Because we were busy enjoying the party.

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Speaker 4: But the next day, my mom's older sister called her

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Speaker 4: to tell her everything he said. She also told my

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Speaker 4: mom that she should call him and apologize because he

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Speaker 4: felt disrespected that no one asked him for his permission

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Speaker 4: if I can marry my boyfriend or not since he's

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Speaker 4: an elder. He's the type of person who can't stand

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Speaker 4: to see anyone happy. At every celebration, birthday's, weddings, even

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Speaker 4: religious events, he somehow finds a way to make it

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Speaker 4: about himself and create drama. But we still never expected

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Speaker 4: this level of hatred, especially towards me. He used to

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Speaker 4: call me his own daughter and loved me growing up.

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Speaker 4: When my mom found out, she was furious at all

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Speaker 4: of these family members for not standing up for me.

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Speaker 4: Even worse, the rest of the family kept saying, that's

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Speaker 4: how he is. Don't take it to heart like they

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Speaker 4: always do. But this time my mom stood up for me.

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Speaker 4: She called her sister his wife and said clearly how

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Speaker 4: disgusting his behavior was and that if this was what

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Speaker 4: he thinks about me, then he should never come to

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Speaker 4: our house or talk to us again. After that, the

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Speaker 4: entire family started pressuring us to apologize to him. They said,

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Speaker 4: if he won't come to the wedding, we can't either.

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Speaker 4: Out of respect. They kept saying that we should be

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Speaker 4: the bigger person. But my parents were not ready to

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Speaker 4: give in. We thought it was one of those regular

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Speaker 4: dramas that he does every few months and maybe things

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Speaker 4: would calm down eventually. But no, that issue became the

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Speaker 4: reason that we were slowly cut off from the whole family.

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Speaker 1: Well you know, what if they're your family's gonna side

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Speaker 1: with this guy and what he wants. Yeah, I'm also

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Speaker 1: confused because like it's not even his family, right, you know,

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Speaker 1: like this isn't his blood Yes, he was married in

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Speaker 1: so obviously you know that is important, but sure he's

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Speaker 1: calling all of the shots. Yeah, and they're like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: we're gonna listen to him because she's respect, you know.

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Speaker 1: And it's like you're not even that's not even a

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Speaker 1: blood relative, right, not even like you're the father.

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Speaker 4: Like what just because he's an elder, he should have

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Speaker 4: like power to give permission.

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Speaker 1: Like so what you have to go to every single.

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Speaker 4: Person in your family that's older than you and get

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Speaker 4: permission for your marriage?

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Speaker 1: Like you No, you can't get a unanimous vote out

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Speaker 1: of that much. Yeah, that's crazy.

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Speaker 4: I'm talking about six aunts and uncles and seventeen cousins

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Speaker 4: that I was once really really close to. The pressure

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Speaker 4: from my family continued for two to three months. Then

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Speaker 4: ten months before the wedding, my mom's brother passed away.

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Speaker 4: He was a heavy drinker and had been very sick for.

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Speaker 1: A long time. He was really sad.

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Speaker 4: After passing, we all met again for the funeral and rituals.

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Speaker 4: It was the first time the whole family came together

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Speaker 4: after the fight. Everyone was acting nice and normal. We

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Speaker 4: thought maybe the grief had healed the differences and brought

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Speaker 4: us back together. Normally, we would have canceled the wedding

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Speaker 4: after or passing in the family, especially since it was

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Speaker 4: so close. But since I was moving abroad just two

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Speaker 4: weeks after the wedding, and in our culture we can't

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Speaker 4: live together before the marriage, it wasn't an option to postpone.

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Speaker 4: To honor the laws in the family, we decided to

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Speaker 4: cancel all celebrations. No music, no dancing, no functions, just

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Speaker 4: a simple temple ceremony with close family. My parents and

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Speaker 4: in laws agreed. We just wanted to make it a formality.

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Speaker 4: But when we informed the extended family, they lost it again.

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Speaker 4: This time, they weren't upset because of the grief. They

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Speaker 4: were demanding that we canceled the wedding entirely, at least

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Speaker 4: for two more years. They didn't want to understand our

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Speaker 4: situation at all. It didn't matter that I was leaving

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Speaker 4: the country, it didn't matter that we were still grieving.

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Speaker 4: They just wanted control. I had a breakdown. I told parents,

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Speaker 4: I don't even want a wedding anymore. Let's just get

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Speaker 4: married at the temple with just the people who love us.

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Speaker 4: I'm done trying to please anyone else. My parents didn't

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Speaker 4: like it, but they understood. We also planned to come

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Speaker 4: back a year later to celebrate properly when my sister

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Speaker 4: got married, so that gave us some hope. Before we

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Speaker 4: informed them about this, one of my aunts, who doesn't

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Speaker 4: usually get involved in drama, told us the real reason

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Speaker 4: behind all of this. It was not my wedding, or

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Speaker 4: my uncle's passing or any disrespect. The truth was jealousy.

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Speaker 1: Shock. Wow, everyone's surprised about that. Yeah, come on, they

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Speaker 1: didn't have a real reason for being against your marriage.

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Speaker 4: Yeah what, No way, no way. Two cousins brother and

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Speaker 4: sister from two different uncles, were still unmarried at the

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Speaker 4: ages of thirty six and thirty five. I loved my cousins,

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Speaker 4: but none of them really have stable jobs like their

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Speaker 4: parents do or are doing well in their careers. Both

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Speaker 4: had bad reputations in our small town doing due to

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Speaker 4: multiple affairs and toxic behavior. For years, their families had

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Speaker 4: tried to find arranged matches. Nothing worked because of their

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Speaker 4: past and how everyone knew about it. On the other hand,

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Speaker 4: I was getting married at twenty six to a good

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Speaker 4: man from a respectable family, and my sister was engaged too.

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Speaker 4: According to this aunt, those uncles were bitter that our

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Speaker 4: lives were moving forward while their children, who never studied,

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Speaker 4: never built careers, and created drama, were stuck.

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Speaker 1: Sucks to suck. Yeah, stop comparing your kids to other

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Speaker 1: kids exactly. Don't get your lane.

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Speaker 4: Can't bring down everyone else just as your kids suck.

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Speaker 4: They thought that it was unfair that our family always

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Speaker 4: got everything, that we had a house, education, stable jobs,

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Speaker 4: happy relationships while they had nothing, but that was their

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Speaker 4: own choice. My mom worked hard to study even when

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Speaker 4: her family had nothing. My dad supported her after marriage

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Speaker 4: to continue education and become a teacher. They sacrificed luxuries

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Speaker 4: to build a life for us. I study for years

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Speaker 4: to become a dentist. My sister also worked hard to

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Speaker 4: move forward. Meanwhile, our uncles spent money on trips, married women,

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Speaker 4: they never let study or work, and raised kids who

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Speaker 4: didn't take their futures seriously. But when things didn't go

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Speaker 4: their way, instead of taking responsibility, they blamed us. After

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Speaker 4: hearing the truth, I decided I wouldn't delay or change

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Speaker 4: my wedding anymore. We held the wedding as expected. The

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Speaker 4: entire maternal family cut contact with us. Wow, even after

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Speaker 4: realizing that it was all jealousy all along.

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Speaker 1: Well, I think it's It wasn't like they realized, yeah

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Speaker 1: it's jealousy. I think the aunt was like, you know's

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Speaker 1: like jealousy. Yeah yeah, And they're going to continue living

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Speaker 1: in their little jealous world instead of being happy for

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Speaker 1: other people.

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Speaker 4: Right, come on?

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Speaker 1: Boohoo, god boo.

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Speaker 4: Those ten months were the worst time of our lives,

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Speaker 4: especially for my mom. She had always supported her siblings

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Speaker 4: financially and emotionally.

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Speaker 3: When someone needed.

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Speaker 4: A fridge, car or medical help, she gave During the

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Speaker 4: VID when no one had income, she sent them money

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Speaker 4: every month, without even counting. She helps them with college fees.

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Speaker 4: She stood by them in hospitals, and when we needed them,

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Speaker 4: no one showed up. My mom started having panic attacks.

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Speaker 4: We pulled all nighters calming her where My dad's health

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Speaker 4: declined from stress. I had to arrange everything for the

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Speaker 4: wedding myself, food, clothes, logistics, and also prepared to move abroad.

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Speaker 4: I had no bridesmaids. None of my cousins who I

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Speaker 4: grew up with even messaged me, not even once. Most

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Speaker 4: of my friends were abroad. My hometown didn't feel like

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Speaker 4: home anymore. My husband and his family were supportive, but

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Speaker 4: they had their own preparations to do. I was physically

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Speaker 4: and emotionally exhausted. I fainted right after the wedding ceremony

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Speaker 4: while we were getting our pictures taken, and I was

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Speaker 4: hospitalized the next day. That's my wedding memory, Not joy,

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Speaker 4: not laughter, just exhaustion, sadness, and betrayal. Now it's been

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Speaker 4: two years we moved abroad. My parents are doing better.

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Speaker 4: We've healed in many ways. A few months ago, the

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Speaker 4: same aunt who told us the truth started talking to

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Speaker 4: my mom again. She told my mom that one of

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Speaker 4: my cousins, the son of the uncle who passed. I

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Speaker 4: wanted to reconnect. He told her it's time to move on.

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Speaker 1: And start over.

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Speaker 4: A few days later, I got a message from him

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Speaker 4: through his wife's Instagram account saying that I was being

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Speaker 4: selfish and that it's not easy to go against your family.

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Speaker 4: I blocked him immediately.

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Speaker 1: This was.

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Speaker 4: He wanted to move on and start over. And he's like,

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Speaker 4: you're selfish. You shouldn't have left your family, even though

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Speaker 4: they all cut her out.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, they left you, and so you left because of

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Speaker 1: you too, Yeah, because of the freaking uncle. Yeah's all

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Speaker 1: his fault. Literally, he's the one you left your family. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: come on, that's that's looking to me. Her, buddy, you

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Speaker 1: didn't do anything wrong. Yeah, Like you literally just got

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Speaker 1: married and have a good life and they're jealous. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: At this point, I think you just kind of distanced yourself,

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Speaker 1: which they've already done for you. You support your mom,

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Speaker 1: who's unfortunately had to lose a lot of her family. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and you know, you create your own kind of family

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Speaker 1: unit apart from these people.

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Speaker 4: Right, And I'm like so confused and like it's so

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Speaker 4: frustrating that the aunt that told the truth about the jealousy.

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Speaker 4: Didn't even talk to them all anymore.

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Speaker 1: She was part of She was like, yeah, they're doing jealousy. Well,

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Speaker 1: it's because the whole thing of her being like the

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Speaker 1: one who's not involved in drama. But it's like when

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Speaker 1: you're not involved in drama, but you still kind of

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Speaker 1: take the side of the people who are aside. Yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's not great.

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Speaker 4: No, that's crazy because I feel like, if you are

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Speaker 4: gonna take that route, you gotta be like the middleman.

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Speaker 4: But she just totally wasn't even talking to the mom

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Speaker 4: at all.

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Speaker 3: It's crazy.

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Speaker 1: There's a little bit more to the story.

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Speaker 3: Now.

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Speaker 4: My mom is gently asking me to consider giving the

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Speaker 4: cousins a chance. She says that they were just silent

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Speaker 4: because they couldn't go against their parents, and that I

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Speaker 4: shouldn't lose all my relationships over something that the elders did.

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Speaker 4: But here's how I see it. These cousins are not children.

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Speaker 4: They are adults between twenty three and thirty five, and

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Speaker 4: not one of them tried to speak up, not one message,

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Speaker 4: not one call. They chose their parents' side. Silence to me,

434
00:21:02,800 --> 00:21:05,320
Speaker 4: is the same as betrayal, especially when we needed them

435
00:21:05,359 --> 00:21:07,880
Speaker 4: the most. Now they want to reconnect, but I honestly

436
00:21:07,920 --> 00:21:10,520
Speaker 4: don't need them. I've lived through the worst without them.

437
00:21:10,880 --> 00:21:13,840
Speaker 4: My parents are stronger now, my husband's family treats me

438
00:21:13,920 --> 00:21:14,400
Speaker 4: like their own.

439
00:21:14,600 --> 00:21:16,000
Speaker 1: We've built a peaceful life.

440
00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:18,679
Speaker 4: But deep down, every time I remember what happened, my

441
00:21:18,720 --> 00:21:21,720
Speaker 4: heart starts pounding. I get anxious, and I hate that

442
00:21:21,760 --> 00:21:24,760
Speaker 4: I still carry that pain. So now I'm here asking

443
00:21:24,880 --> 00:21:27,560
Speaker 4: am I the a hole for refusing to forgive, refusing

444
00:21:27,640 --> 00:21:30,200
Speaker 4: to unblock them, and refusing to let them back into

445
00:21:30,200 --> 00:21:30,679
Speaker 4: my life?

446
00:21:30,840 --> 00:21:34,359
Speaker 1: Even now? I think my brother is faking being sick,

447
00:21:34,840 --> 00:21:39,240
Speaker 1: so I confronted him. I'm sick. I eighteen female have

448
00:21:39,280 --> 00:21:44,919
Speaker 1: an older brother, Mason, twenty one, and I'm very suspicious

449
00:21:44,960 --> 00:21:47,960
Speaker 1: about all the times he's gotten sick suddenly. By the way,

450
00:21:48,000 --> 00:21:50,679
Speaker 1: this comes from your mom Hot one oh one, and

451
00:21:50,720 --> 00:21:52,320
Speaker 1: if you want to submit your own stories, go to

452
00:21:52,359 --> 00:21:56,600
Speaker 1: the r slash Okay storytime separate it. So my birthday,

453
00:21:56,840 --> 00:21:59,119
Speaker 1: he magically got a bad headache on the day of

454
00:21:59,160 --> 00:22:01,320
Speaker 1: my birthday, so I had to move my birthday party

455
00:22:01,320 --> 00:22:04,240
Speaker 1: plans to a different place. But he also got another

456
00:22:04,280 --> 00:22:06,840
Speaker 1: bad headache coincidentally, on the day I was trying to

457
00:22:06,880 --> 00:22:08,720
Speaker 1: go out with my aunt and my mom for a

458
00:22:08,760 --> 00:22:12,639
Speaker 1: birthday activity. Both times my parents or others have stayed

459
00:22:12,680 --> 00:22:15,600
Speaker 1: back to dote on him, and I would completely understand

460
00:22:15,600 --> 00:22:18,600
Speaker 1: this if him getting sick wasn't only on every single

461
00:22:18,680 --> 00:22:22,159
Speaker 1: special occasion of mine. It's gone from migrains to what

462
00:22:22,240 --> 00:22:24,800
Speaker 1: I assume is fake puking in the bathroom when I'm

463
00:22:24,840 --> 00:22:27,760
Speaker 1: trying to have friends over, to complaining of a sore

464
00:22:27,800 --> 00:22:30,400
Speaker 1: throat and a fever. Keep in mind, he doesn't even

465
00:22:30,440 --> 00:22:33,000
Speaker 1: live with my parents and I right now. He lives

466
00:22:33,040 --> 00:22:36,639
Speaker 1: about forty five minutes away, and this happens when he visits. Otherwise,

467
00:22:36,640 --> 00:22:39,080
Speaker 1: he doesn't really seem to get sick so often. This

468
00:22:39,200 --> 00:22:42,679
Speaker 1: feels like it's my last straw. I'm graduating high school

469
00:22:42,680 --> 00:22:45,120
Speaker 1: and I was able to contact some relatives I don't

470
00:22:45,119 --> 00:22:48,000
Speaker 1: get to see often, and they expressed interest in coming

471
00:22:48,040 --> 00:22:50,720
Speaker 1: down to my graduation and staying for a few days

472
00:22:50,760 --> 00:22:53,840
Speaker 1: to have a nice dinner and all that. Magically, my

473
00:22:53,920 --> 00:22:58,119
Speaker 1: brother is sick again. He shuffled from the bathroom, made

474
00:22:58,119 --> 00:23:02,119
Speaker 1: some coughing noises, and announced that he had puked, the

475
00:23:02,160 --> 00:23:04,560
Speaker 1: bathroom didn't smell like it, and he then went off

476
00:23:04,600 --> 00:23:07,280
Speaker 1: to bed, where I saw he was online on steam

477
00:23:07,359 --> 00:23:09,800
Speaker 1: for six hours straight, while he claimed he was trying

478
00:23:09,840 --> 00:23:13,280
Speaker 1: to sleep off and incoming migraine. He's been coughing loudly,

479
00:23:13,400 --> 00:23:16,600
Speaker 1: having these voice cracks that are so comically forced. I

480
00:23:16,640 --> 00:23:20,320
Speaker 1: can see right through that stupid crap. I can't stand it.

481
00:23:20,840 --> 00:23:23,640
Speaker 1: I've known my brother so well I can tell when

482
00:23:23,640 --> 00:23:25,919
Speaker 1: he's lying, and at this point, all of this feels

483
00:23:25,960 --> 00:23:29,600
Speaker 1: too often to be just coincidental, given it's only when

484
00:23:29,600 --> 00:23:32,120
Speaker 1: I have a special event coming up. Now my mom

485
00:23:32,200 --> 00:23:34,399
Speaker 1: is saying we can't have anyone else over because my

486
00:23:34,400 --> 00:23:37,400
Speaker 1: brother will get them sick, and that I should cancel

487
00:23:37,440 --> 00:23:40,120
Speaker 1: a plan for a graduation party at our house I've

488
00:23:40,119 --> 00:23:43,440
Speaker 1: been planning for weeks with my friends. I'm tired of this,

489
00:23:43,720 --> 00:23:46,720
Speaker 1: seriously tired. At first, I was guilty for even thinking

490
00:23:46,760 --> 00:23:48,760
Speaker 1: that my brother could be faking it, because what kind

491
00:23:48,760 --> 00:23:52,200
Speaker 1: of horrible sibling doesn't feel sympathy for a sick brother

492
00:23:52,240 --> 00:23:55,439
Speaker 1: who's suffering. Either way, I have to know would I

493
00:23:55,520 --> 00:23:57,879
Speaker 1: be the ale if I confronted him. I need to

494
00:23:57,920 --> 00:24:00,320
Speaker 1: put a stop to this if he's faking it, but

495
00:24:00,359 --> 00:24:03,000
Speaker 1: if he isn't, I'll probably look like the biggest idiot.

496
00:24:03,280 --> 00:24:06,159
Speaker 1: Please any advice would be helpful and there is an update.

497
00:24:06,720 --> 00:24:09,280
Speaker 1: I honestly think you gotta confront him. Yeah, go ahead,

498
00:24:09,400 --> 00:24:13,560
Speaker 1: because even if he is sick, he's being really disrespectful

499
00:24:13,640 --> 00:24:18,479
Speaker 1: to you, Like he's coming home while sick. If anything,

500
00:24:18,520 --> 00:24:21,080
Speaker 1: he should be back at his place. He knows, right,

501
00:24:21,240 --> 00:24:22,760
Speaker 1: he doesn't live with you, and he knows that you're

502
00:24:22,800 --> 00:24:24,720
Speaker 1: having a party. Yeah, i'd be if I were that

503
00:24:24,840 --> 00:24:26,800
Speaker 1: sick and I knew you're having a party, I'd be like,

504
00:24:27,320 --> 00:24:29,960
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry. I'll go, you know, to back to

505
00:24:30,000 --> 00:24:31,920
Speaker 1: my place and be sick there, right.

506
00:24:32,000 --> 00:24:34,000
Speaker 4: I won't like be here so I could get everyone

507
00:24:34,000 --> 00:24:36,399
Speaker 4: else sick. Yeah, it's just rude.

508
00:24:36,840 --> 00:24:39,720
Speaker 1: It's so rude. Yeah, definitely. You guys are brother and sister.

509
00:24:40,560 --> 00:24:42,879
Speaker 4: I feel like, I mean, you know, obviously everyone's relationship

510
00:24:42,920 --> 00:24:46,040
Speaker 4: is different, but like if you guys have the relationship

511
00:24:46,040 --> 00:24:50,800
Speaker 4: where you can fight and maybe be okay afterwards, I

512
00:24:50,800 --> 00:24:52,840
Speaker 4: think also you call his bluff.

513
00:24:53,240 --> 00:24:55,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, you stick right next to him. You're like, oh,

514
00:24:55,119 --> 00:24:57,680
Speaker 1: if you're sick, then you'll get me sick, right, And

515
00:24:57,720 --> 00:24:59,159
Speaker 1: he's like no, no want to and you're like no, I

516
00:24:59,200 --> 00:25:01,919
Speaker 1: don't care. And every time you don't get you're like,

517
00:25:01,920 --> 00:25:05,880
Speaker 1: that's so strange. I never get sick around right right, Yeah,

518
00:25:06,480 --> 00:25:11,119
Speaker 1: so crazy, weird yeah. Update all right, Well here's a

519
00:25:11,119 --> 00:25:13,399
Speaker 1: little update a bit later, because I'm angry and so

520
00:25:13,600 --> 00:25:17,399
Speaker 1: tired of this. He's a little crap. He missed my

521
00:25:17,480 --> 00:25:21,879
Speaker 1: graduation because he got another migrain. Surprise, surprise. I figured

522
00:25:21,920 --> 00:25:23,679
Speaker 1: I wouldn't be able to have a grad party at

523
00:25:23,720 --> 00:25:26,320
Speaker 1: my house, as I'd been planning for a while. I

524
00:25:26,359 --> 00:25:28,760
Speaker 1: didn't get to, but I narrowly managed to go on

525
00:25:28,800 --> 00:25:31,200
Speaker 1: a post graduation trip I had planned with my friends

526
00:25:31,760 --> 00:25:36,440
Speaker 1: four months. My wonderful brother kept saying he was pretty

527
00:25:36,480 --> 00:25:38,720
Speaker 1: sick and what if he got me infected and I

528
00:25:38,840 --> 00:25:41,000
Speaker 1: got all my friends sick on the trip. My mom

529
00:25:41,119 --> 00:25:43,920
Speaker 1: almost didn't let me go because of that. At this point,

530
00:25:44,000 --> 00:25:48,560
Speaker 1: I feel like every single instance pointed at me. I

531
00:25:48,600 --> 00:25:51,760
Speaker 1: don't understand why. It's like he's trying hard to ruin

532
00:25:51,840 --> 00:25:54,679
Speaker 1: whatever fun I could possibly try to have, or anything

533
00:25:54,720 --> 00:25:57,920
Speaker 1: at all I may be excited about. Back to my graduation,

534
00:25:58,400 --> 00:26:00,720
Speaker 1: I was pissed for a bit because despite all this,

535
00:26:00,920 --> 00:26:02,960
Speaker 1: he's my brother and I would have wanted him to

536
00:26:03,000 --> 00:26:05,280
Speaker 1: be there, and clearly he didn't want to show up

537
00:26:05,280 --> 00:26:09,000
Speaker 1: to support me. I've attended both of his graduations. I

538
00:26:09,000 --> 00:26:10,359
Speaker 1: don't know if there's going to be an end to

539
00:26:10,400 --> 00:26:13,080
Speaker 1: this or if anyone will see this update, but there's

540
00:26:13,160 --> 00:26:16,240
Speaker 1: plenty more going on. The third week of June, my

541
00:26:16,320 --> 00:26:18,640
Speaker 1: dad and mom surprised us with a week long trip

542
00:26:18,680 --> 00:26:21,439
Speaker 1: to Hawaii, which isn't something we get to do much

543
00:26:21,480 --> 00:26:24,480
Speaker 1: at all, and I was super excited for it. He

544
00:26:24,560 --> 00:26:26,880
Speaker 1: was a nice place on the Big Island, and I'm

545
00:26:26,920 --> 00:26:31,280
Speaker 1: being completely serious when I say this, but every single

546
00:26:31,400 --> 00:26:34,520
Speaker 1: day something was wrong with him. The first morning there,

547
00:26:34,600 --> 00:26:36,960
Speaker 1: he claimed to be so sick he couldn't come with

548
00:26:37,040 --> 00:26:39,320
Speaker 1: us to get groceries for the whole family for the week,

549
00:26:39,760 --> 00:26:42,359
Speaker 1: missing the whole first day of chores and getting settled in.

550
00:26:42,840 --> 00:26:45,400
Speaker 1: Yet he was upset we got breakfast out without him.

551
00:26:45,640 --> 00:26:47,840
Speaker 1: The second day, he was magically okay to go to

552
00:26:47,880 --> 00:26:49,920
Speaker 1: the beach resort with us and spend the day out

553
00:26:49,920 --> 00:26:54,439
Speaker 1: shopping and eating. The next day, have stomach issues and

554
00:26:54,520 --> 00:26:57,600
Speaker 1: he went into the bathroom to Vomit can tell when

555
00:26:57,600 --> 00:27:01,480
Speaker 1: someone vomits. That sounds weird, but I am intense sympathy vomitter.

556
00:27:01,960 --> 00:27:04,840
Speaker 1: Like the second I smell that rank stomach acid smell,

557
00:27:04,920 --> 00:27:06,680
Speaker 1: I will be making a puddle on the ground too.

558
00:27:06,880 --> 00:27:10,400
Speaker 1: Of coross you ran to the bathroom dramatically after breakfast

559
00:27:10,400 --> 00:27:14,000
Speaker 1: and made some wretching noises in the bathroom. No splashing

560
00:27:14,040 --> 00:27:17,080
Speaker 1: in the toilet, no smell of stomach acid. Trust me,

561
00:27:17,119 --> 00:27:20,000
Speaker 1: I would know from a mile away. No hoarseness or

562
00:27:20,119 --> 00:27:23,240
Speaker 1: raspiness afterwards when he hobbled out to tell my parents

563
00:27:23,240 --> 00:27:26,320
Speaker 1: he was sick again. Okay, I'm getting too much into

564
00:27:26,359 --> 00:27:29,120
Speaker 1: the vomit. What I mean is pretty much every day

565
00:27:29,119 --> 00:27:32,919
Speaker 1: there was something ranging from oh, my fours, I couldn't

566
00:27:32,960 --> 00:27:35,000
Speaker 1: possibly let you guys go on a hike when I

567
00:27:35,000 --> 00:27:37,720
Speaker 1: feel like this all the way to I have to

568
00:27:37,760 --> 00:27:40,800
Speaker 1: be in your bathroom at all times or also poop myself.

569
00:27:40,400 --> 00:27:42,920
Speaker 4: And poop yourself. That's what you deserve is poopy pants

570
00:27:43,040 --> 00:27:43,719
Speaker 4: in your pants.

571
00:27:43,800 --> 00:27:47,320
Speaker 1: I don't Honorstan. Why he's not being taken to a doctor.

572
00:27:48,119 --> 00:27:49,000
Speaker 1: Don't get it.

573
00:27:49,160 --> 00:27:51,240
Speaker 4: Don't get it, because that really is like how they

574
00:27:51,280 --> 00:27:54,040
Speaker 4: need to deal with this is like, oh, I'm so

575
00:27:54,119 --> 00:27:55,840
Speaker 4: sorry that you're just like, let me help you with

576
00:27:55,880 --> 00:27:58,840
Speaker 4: all this stuff. I'm gonna watch you drink this Nike

577
00:27:58,920 --> 00:28:01,760
Speaker 4: will and like I'm gonna I'm gonna have to take

578
00:28:01,800 --> 00:28:02,040
Speaker 4: all this.

579
00:28:02,160 --> 00:28:03,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, start giving him medicine.

580
00:28:03,760 --> 00:28:07,640
Speaker 4: Yeah, you have to, like drink this disgusting medicine. You

581
00:28:07,720 --> 00:28:10,439
Speaker 4: can't have those delicious foods you want, You can't have

582
00:28:10,480 --> 00:28:12,840
Speaker 4: any desserts. You can't come out with us.

583
00:28:12,600 --> 00:28:13,920
Speaker 1: Like you have to go to the resort.

584
00:28:14,040 --> 00:28:17,159
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, you have to like overly sympathize.

585
00:28:17,240 --> 00:28:19,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, so that he stops because.

586
00:28:18,920 --> 00:28:19,919
Speaker 3: He's getting away with it.

587
00:28:19,960 --> 00:28:21,560
Speaker 1: And I don't think that your parents are gonna believe

588
00:28:21,560 --> 00:28:23,359
Speaker 1: you if you say, oh, like, he's not sick, So

589
00:28:23,440 --> 00:28:27,000
Speaker 1: I think you just do that with your parents. You go, oh, oh,

590
00:28:27,040 --> 00:28:30,080
Speaker 1: he he needs time to rest. Oh, we should probably

591
00:28:30,080 --> 00:28:31,560
Speaker 1: get him on you know, we should take him to

592
00:28:31,600 --> 00:28:35,040
Speaker 1: a doctor. And like, yeah, so, as you said, overly sympathetic, Yeah,

593
00:28:35,240 --> 00:28:37,240
Speaker 1: just like being so really weird. You don't even have to,

594
00:28:37,960 --> 00:28:41,400
Speaker 1: you know, say that he's lying. You get him to

595
00:28:41,440 --> 00:28:46,040
Speaker 1: admit it because he's you know, yeah, yes, it's exaggerated

596
00:28:46,080 --> 00:28:49,640
Speaker 1: in those quotations, but legitimately his foot hurt, his head hurt,

597
00:28:49,760 --> 00:28:52,800
Speaker 1: his back hurt, his tummy hurt, ufing name it. Finally,

598
00:28:52,880 --> 00:28:55,440
Speaker 1: by this point my parents started to believe me. We

599
00:28:55,520 --> 00:28:59,080
Speaker 1: began to quietly mutter exasperated things to one another while

600
00:28:59,120 --> 00:29:02,480
Speaker 1: leaving the hotel without him, yet again, mostly with me

601
00:29:02,640 --> 00:29:05,320
Speaker 1: staring at them with pure annoyance and getting to say

602
00:29:06,080 --> 00:29:09,600
Speaker 1: that's what I've been She Dad's upset that he spent

603
00:29:09,760 --> 00:29:12,640
Speaker 1: so much money on a nice vacation for us, only

604
00:29:12,680 --> 00:29:14,600
Speaker 1: for us to get to do half the things we

605
00:29:14,680 --> 00:29:17,160
Speaker 1: wanted to and all the things we tried to do

606
00:29:17,200 --> 00:29:19,840
Speaker 1: without Mason. He got pissed at us for doing without

607
00:29:19,880 --> 00:29:22,720
Speaker 1: him while he was moping at the hotel. Now we

608
00:29:22,880 --> 00:29:27,440
Speaker 1: are seeing family across the world. Guess what. Mason's been

609
00:29:27,560 --> 00:29:29,920
Speaker 1: sick for two weeks straight. The second day of us

610
00:29:29,920 --> 00:29:32,640
Speaker 1: being here, he trudged into my shared room with my mom,

611
00:29:33,240 --> 00:29:35,680
Speaker 1: lay on her bed and explained he had a fever.

612
00:29:36,000 --> 00:29:40,160
Speaker 1: Checked with a thermometer nothing above ninety eight. He still

613
00:29:40,160 --> 00:29:42,680
Speaker 1: had my mom feel up his sweaty forehead were in

614
00:29:42,760 --> 00:29:45,400
Speaker 1: the tropics, and she relented, letting him stay in his

615
00:29:45,480 --> 00:29:48,480
Speaker 1: room for days on end. Then the loud coughing, not

616
00:29:48,600 --> 00:29:52,400
Speaker 1: hacking or wheezing, just coughing that sounds so gosh darn

617
00:29:52,560 --> 00:29:56,000
Speaker 1: loud it echoes through the walls. He went to a

618
00:29:56,040 --> 00:29:58,440
Speaker 1: doctor for it after a lot of prodding at mom

619
00:29:58,520 --> 00:30:01,520
Speaker 1: from me, who found not much wrong with him, but

620
00:30:01,640 --> 00:30:04,800
Speaker 1: after he complained about the coughing, she prescribed him some

621
00:30:04,880 --> 00:30:08,520
Speaker 1: cough suppressing pills two weeks straight. He refused to leave

622
00:30:08,560 --> 00:30:11,200
Speaker 1: the apartment because he's too self conscious to cough in

623
00:30:11,200 --> 00:30:14,760
Speaker 1: front of other people. I'm sorry, is this man eight

624
00:30:14,840 --> 00:30:17,200
Speaker 1: years old? Eight years old? He's eight years old.

625
00:30:17,480 --> 00:30:20,680
Speaker 4: I remember old, like leaving the cloths room in like

626
00:30:20,680 --> 00:30:22,800
Speaker 4: second grade because I was embarrassed to cough in front

627
00:30:22,840 --> 00:30:24,640
Speaker 4: of people because it was so silent in there. Yeah,

628
00:30:24,720 --> 00:30:28,200
Speaker 4: this man is twenty one. He's twenty one, Like.

629
00:30:28,880 --> 00:30:29,840
Speaker 1: I don't know, wear a mask.

630
00:30:30,000 --> 00:30:33,080
Speaker 4: This like pisses me off more than actual like violence,

631
00:30:33,240 --> 00:30:34,680
Speaker 4: Like this is like.

632
00:30:34,920 --> 00:30:38,920
Speaker 1: This is so annoying. He's so annoying because it's just

633
00:30:38,960 --> 00:30:42,600
Speaker 1: so stupid. Yeah, it's like why you're upset that you're

634
00:30:42,640 --> 00:30:46,920
Speaker 1: missing out all these things? Yeah, you're doing that to yourself, right,

635
00:30:47,280 --> 00:30:47,880
Speaker 1: I think you're.

636
00:30:47,800 --> 00:30:50,440
Speaker 4: Just maybe self conscious as a person and never got

637
00:30:50,480 --> 00:30:51,240
Speaker 4: out of high school.

638
00:30:51,320 --> 00:30:53,960
Speaker 1: Or I think yeah, I think either he's lying yeah,

639
00:30:54,080 --> 00:30:57,400
Speaker 1: or he's like, you know, a hypochondriac and he's like,

640
00:30:57,400 --> 00:30:58,880
Speaker 1: oh yeah, I have a little tickle on my throat.

641
00:30:58,880 --> 00:31:01,920
Speaker 1: Oh go right, you know yeah, And it's like both

642
00:31:01,920 --> 00:31:05,080
Speaker 1: are annoying. Yeah, well fu too. I'm fully eighteen, but

643
00:31:05,120 --> 00:31:07,320
Speaker 1: my mom doesn't want me exploring a city on my

644
00:31:07,360 --> 00:31:10,600
Speaker 1: own because she's terrified I'll get kidnapped. Love you, mom,

645
00:31:10,680 --> 00:31:13,720
Speaker 1: but come on, So Mason was supposed to be my chaperone.

646
00:31:14,000 --> 00:31:17,480
Speaker 1: Guess what. I also haven't been able to leave the

647
00:31:17,520 --> 00:31:20,240
Speaker 1: house for two weeks. I can't see my friends here,

648
00:31:20,320 --> 00:31:22,400
Speaker 1: I can't see the places I want to go. I

649
00:31:22,440 --> 00:31:25,080
Speaker 1: can't do anything but sit in this apartment on my phone.

650
00:31:25,160 --> 00:31:28,160
Speaker 1: I've tried presenting evidence to my parents, and before that,

651
00:31:28,280 --> 00:31:31,520
Speaker 1: I tried pushing them, playing up his migraines and pushing

652
00:31:31,520 --> 00:31:34,000
Speaker 1: them to get him tested for bad allergies or just

653
00:31:34,200 --> 00:31:38,000
Speaker 1: I don't know something, but they've been resistant. They believe

654
00:31:38,120 --> 00:31:40,920
Speaker 1: me kind of now, but they're not doing anything no

655
00:31:41,000 --> 00:31:44,680
Speaker 1: matter how frustrated I get. Do you have any final thoughts?

656
00:31:44,920 --> 00:31:47,040
Speaker 4: I think you definitely need to stop right up to

657
00:31:47,120 --> 00:31:50,080
Speaker 4: him and be like, yeah, you're stupid, there's no vomit

658
00:31:50,160 --> 00:31:53,680
Speaker 4: in that toilet or go and like hold his air bag, yeah,

659
00:31:53,760 --> 00:31:56,160
Speaker 4: even though he probably is, Oh, I'll help you, like

660
00:31:56,800 --> 00:31:59,520
Speaker 4: I'll be there for you. Yeah, don't worry, and then

661
00:31:59,600 --> 00:32:01,320
Speaker 4: be like, so, why is there no vomiting it?

662
00:32:01,440 --> 00:32:04,560
Speaker 1: There's the vomit. Yeah, you always are rushing like run

663
00:32:04,560 --> 00:32:05,320
Speaker 1: into the bathroom.

664
00:32:05,440 --> 00:32:09,000
Speaker 4: Yeah, exactly vomits, right, because he's like being so theatrical

665
00:32:09,000 --> 00:32:11,440
Speaker 4: and like rushing into the bathroom to vomit. When you

666
00:32:11,520 --> 00:32:15,080
Speaker 4: do that, it's not like you're gonna suddenly feel like, Oh,

667
00:32:15,200 --> 00:32:17,400
Speaker 4: I'm actually good, I don't have to vomit anymore. Yeah,

668
00:32:17,680 --> 00:32:21,040
Speaker 4: you would have vomited, be stupid. Yeah, you gotta come

669
00:32:21,120 --> 00:32:24,920
Speaker 4: up with some sort of scheme if confronting him doesn't work.

670
00:32:25,240 --> 00:32:28,240
Speaker 1: Yeah, because this is so insanely frustrating. The parents are

671
00:32:28,280 --> 00:32:30,840
Speaker 1: putting up with it. Yeah, but you're nineteen, means you're

672
00:32:30,840 --> 00:32:33,880
Speaker 1: probably off to college soon. Yeah, so you want to

673
00:32:33,920 --> 00:32:35,720
Speaker 1: have to put out with him for too much longer?

674
00:32:35,800 --> 00:32:36,320
Speaker 3: Hopefully.

675
00:32:36,480 --> 00:32:39,320
Speaker 1: Man, there's just so much going on and I don't

676
00:32:39,320 --> 00:32:40,880
Speaker 1: want to have to put up with this crap on

677
00:32:40,920 --> 00:32:43,320
Speaker 1: top of everything else. This was long. And if it

678
00:32:43,400 --> 00:32:47,080
Speaker 1: sounds like I'm mad, I apologize, but I am. I'm

679
00:32:47,160 --> 00:32:50,360
Speaker 1: sick and tired of his antics ruining literally everything. He

680
00:32:50,400 --> 00:32:52,520
Speaker 1: gets very very pissed if I have the nerve to

681
00:32:52,560 --> 00:32:54,680
Speaker 1: ask him if he's really feeling sick all the time,

682
00:32:55,080 --> 00:32:57,720
Speaker 1: because yes, I've tried to confront him so many times

683
00:32:57,760 --> 00:33:00,720
Speaker 1: it's not even funny. Mom and Dad are both kind

684
00:33:00,720 --> 00:33:02,760
Speaker 1: of starting to believe me, but not enough to do

685
00:33:02,800 --> 00:33:05,120
Speaker 1: anything about it, or to not let him be a fragile,

686
00:33:05,120 --> 00:33:09,760
Speaker 1: little Victorian child and lay around coughing dramatically with four

687
00:33:09,800 --> 00:33:12,200
Speaker 1: gaming devices in his room that I can hear him

688
00:33:12,200 --> 00:33:14,760
Speaker 1: playing on for hours and hours that he made me

689
00:33:15,080 --> 00:33:21,160
Speaker 1: carry on up fifteen hour flight. That's it. That's the update. Truthfully,

690
00:33:21,240 --> 00:33:22,920
Speaker 1: I don't know if I'm doing this right or what

691
00:33:22,960 --> 00:33:25,320
Speaker 1: the rules are on this kind of subreddit. I've never

692
00:33:25,360 --> 00:33:28,080
Speaker 1: had to update any post before, but I'm just so

693
00:33:28,160 --> 00:33:30,240
Speaker 1: done with his crap. I don't even know what to

694
00:33:30,280 --> 00:33:30,880
Speaker 1: do anymore.

695
00:33:31,200 --> 00:33:31,960
Speaker 4: Hey, it's Sam.

696
00:33:32,080 --> 00:33:34,080
Speaker 2: We'll get back to the stories, but here's three minutes

697
00:33:34,080 --> 00:33:35,360
Speaker 2: of ads from our sponsors.

698
00:33:35,640 --> 00:33:38,800
Speaker 1: My husband won't help with the baby at night. Is

699
00:33:38,840 --> 00:33:41,960
Speaker 1: he a baby at night? I, twenty three female, am

700
00:33:41,960 --> 00:33:44,719
Speaker 1: the primary caregiver for our son. I watch him all

701
00:33:44,800 --> 00:33:47,240
Speaker 1: day until his dad, twenty five mail, gets off work

702
00:33:47,240 --> 00:33:50,200
Speaker 1: around six pm. I go into work from seven pm

703
00:33:50,240 --> 00:33:52,640
Speaker 1: to twelve and during that time he has to just

704
00:33:52,680 --> 00:33:55,720
Speaker 1: make sure the baby stays alive during his sleep, as

705
00:33:55,720 --> 00:33:58,240
Speaker 1: the baby's bedtime is at seven. By the way, this

706
00:33:58,320 --> 00:34:00,920
Speaker 1: comes from unconventional mom And if you want to submit

707
00:34:00,920 --> 00:34:02,840
Speaker 1: your own stories, go to the r slash okay, story

708
00:34:02,840 --> 00:34:06,600
Speaker 1: time separate it. So I had burnout a few weeks

709
00:34:06,600 --> 00:34:09,520
Speaker 1: ago and knew I couldn't keep this up. Watching him

710
00:34:09,560 --> 00:34:11,759
Speaker 1: all day going to work, then watching him all night

711
00:34:11,960 --> 00:34:14,960
Speaker 1: was unliving me. So I had to tell husband he

712
00:34:15,000 --> 00:34:16,960
Speaker 1: needs to wake up at least once a night to

713
00:34:17,000 --> 00:34:23,120
Speaker 1: feed the baby. He does sometimes. I'm sorry, why is

714
00:34:23,160 --> 00:34:26,759
Speaker 1: op the primary I thought she was like a stay

715
00:34:26,760 --> 00:34:27,319
Speaker 1: at home mom.

716
00:34:27,480 --> 00:34:30,640
Speaker 3: Yeah, she's a primary caregiver and she works.

717
00:34:30,800 --> 00:34:33,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's kind of also insane to have like a

718
00:34:33,040 --> 00:34:36,640
Speaker 1: whole partner and be like, yeah, I've heart primary caregiver.

719
00:34:36,920 --> 00:34:40,680
Speaker 1: That's crazy for some reasons. If the baby wakes up,

720
00:34:41,480 --> 00:34:44,080
Speaker 1: he will hand him to me while he warms a bottle.

721
00:34:44,600 --> 00:34:46,520
Speaker 1: I don't do this. If he wakes up, I leave

722
00:34:46,560 --> 00:34:48,239
Speaker 1: him in the crib and warm one. I don't see

723
00:34:48,239 --> 00:34:50,640
Speaker 1: the point of us both being awake. But he will

724
00:34:50,680 --> 00:34:54,000
Speaker 1: wake me up out of sleep and give our son

725
00:34:54,239 --> 00:34:56,319
Speaker 1: to me, then take him back to feed him. The

726
00:34:56,320 --> 00:34:59,160
Speaker 1: bottle takes four minutes to warm. During those few minutes,

727
00:34:59,160 --> 00:35:01,360
Speaker 1: he will lay back in bed and somehow fall asleep

728
00:35:01,440 --> 00:35:04,160
Speaker 1: so the baby doesn't get bet. He did this again

729
00:35:04,280 --> 00:35:07,239
Speaker 1: last night, for like the twentieth time. I have told

730
00:35:07,320 --> 00:35:09,120
Speaker 1: him that if he cannot put the baby to sleep

731
00:35:09,360 --> 00:35:12,080
Speaker 1: ninety eight percent, he can't to hand him to me.

732
00:35:12,560 --> 00:35:14,560
Speaker 1: Baby is now at the age where he prefers me

733
00:35:14,600 --> 00:35:17,319
Speaker 1: over dad and sometimes will fight sleep for hours until

734
00:35:17,320 --> 00:35:21,080
Speaker 1: he sees me, probably because you are the only one caring.

735
00:35:20,880 --> 00:35:23,480
Speaker 3: For him that does even ninety eight percent fail rate.

736
00:35:23,680 --> 00:35:26,279
Speaker 1: That's crazy. You can't have a ninety eight percent fail

737
00:35:26,360 --> 00:35:30,680
Speaker 1: rate with a baby. No, that's just not okay. And also, yeah,

738
00:35:30,719 --> 00:35:32,600
Speaker 1: your baby. It is not because your baby's at the

739
00:35:32,640 --> 00:35:35,640
Speaker 1: age where it's like, oh mama, No, it's probably because

740
00:35:35,680 --> 00:35:36,680
Speaker 1: he's never seen.

741
00:35:36,480 --> 00:35:39,480
Speaker 3: His dad, right or yeah, oh my god.

742
00:35:39,760 --> 00:35:42,160
Speaker 1: I assume that's what he was doing. He had fed

743
00:35:42,200 --> 00:35:44,080
Speaker 1: the baby and couldn't put him down, so he gave

744
00:35:44,120 --> 00:35:47,600
Speaker 1: him to me, but he had not The baby will

745
00:35:47,600 --> 00:35:50,120
Speaker 1: fall back asleep on me, whether he has eaten or not,

746
00:35:50,239 --> 00:35:53,200
Speaker 1: but he'll toss and turn and eventually wake up from hunger.

747
00:35:53,760 --> 00:35:56,840
Speaker 1: That is so dangerous. Gods are you're.

748
00:35:56,719 --> 00:35:59,399
Speaker 3: Not feeding your baby? You're not even trying at that point.

749
00:35:59,400 --> 00:36:02,160
Speaker 3: If you're, I'm that bad of a time doing it.

750
00:36:02,400 --> 00:36:06,279
Speaker 1: Truthfully, Come on, I sleep terribly when the baby's on

751
00:36:06,320 --> 00:36:08,840
Speaker 1: me because I'm not a back sleeper. And my brain

752
00:36:08,920 --> 00:36:11,720
Speaker 1: knows the baby is beside me, so it's on panic mode,

753
00:36:11,920 --> 00:36:13,919
Speaker 1: so I don't roll on top of him. I hate

754
00:36:13,960 --> 00:36:16,080
Speaker 1: co sleeping, especially with all of us in the bed.

755
00:36:16,560 --> 00:36:18,160
Speaker 1: The whole point in him waking up to feed the

756
00:36:18,160 --> 00:36:20,400
Speaker 1: baby is to let me get a few more hours

757
00:36:20,400 --> 00:36:23,160
Speaker 1: of sleep. I'm not getting that. And now our baby

758
00:36:23,160 --> 00:36:26,719
Speaker 1: won't settle for sleep again because he's starving and relentless,

759
00:36:26,880 --> 00:36:29,319
Speaker 1: So me and the kid have been up since fot.

760
00:36:29,880 --> 00:36:31,920
Speaker 1: This isn't the first time he's done this. He'll make

761
00:36:32,000 --> 00:36:34,279
Speaker 1: bottles and just fall back asleep, and I end up

762
00:36:34,280 --> 00:36:37,000
Speaker 1: having to be the one doing everything. I just don't

763
00:36:37,040 --> 00:36:39,400
Speaker 1: understand how he can sleep knowing his son is hungry,

764
00:36:39,520 --> 00:36:42,799
Speaker 1: tired or not. Like I'm not tired too. I watch

765
00:36:42,840 --> 00:36:45,640
Speaker 1: his son all day, I clean every day, I cook

766
00:36:45,640 --> 00:36:47,319
Speaker 1: every day, and then I go to work and have

767
00:36:47,360 --> 00:36:50,239
Speaker 1: to come back and watch the baby all night. I

768
00:36:50,320 --> 00:36:53,200
Speaker 1: know parenthood is by definitional lack of sleep, but it's

769
00:36:53,200 --> 00:36:56,600
Speaker 1: not supposed to be solely on one parent. I'm seriously

770
00:36:56,640 --> 00:37:01,720
Speaker 1: contemplating this relationship because I have boy my opinion multiple

771
00:37:01,760 --> 00:37:05,160
Speaker 1: times on this issue. You said this is your twentieth

772
00:37:05,280 --> 00:37:10,319
Speaker 1: time twentieth time, aye ya Yai, come on, it's ridiculous.

773
00:37:10,440 --> 00:37:12,840
Speaker 1: I mean, what truly, what's the point of being in

774
00:37:12,840 --> 00:37:15,400
Speaker 1: a relationship with this person, co parenting with this person?

775
00:37:15,400 --> 00:37:16,960
Speaker 1: If he's not even parenting.

776
00:37:16,640 --> 00:37:17,840
Speaker 3: He's not doing anything.

777
00:37:17,960 --> 00:37:23,200
Speaker 1: Now help you, yeah, Releman comments. Commoner one says, uh,

778
00:37:23,239 --> 00:37:25,560
Speaker 1: what does the father say when you confront him about this?

779
00:37:26,160 --> 00:37:27,920
Speaker 1: Opie says he was the one who was pushing for

780
00:37:28,000 --> 00:37:30,440
Speaker 1: himself to wake and help. Actually, so I figured that

781
00:37:30,560 --> 00:37:33,160
Speaker 1: was his compromise for it all. But he does apologize

782
00:37:33,200 --> 00:37:36,359
Speaker 1: and says he doesn't remember falling asleep. I don't care,

783
00:37:37,040 --> 00:37:41,719
Speaker 1: don't know. Arm Yeah, you're warming a bottle. Common Or

784
00:37:41,719 --> 00:37:43,600
Speaker 1: two says, now that he knows he can't stay awake

785
00:37:43,600 --> 00:37:45,600
Speaker 1: if you hop back in bed, there is no reason

786
00:37:45,640 --> 00:37:49,040
Speaker 1: he should be doing anything during those four minutes, but

787
00:37:49,200 --> 00:37:51,839
Speaker 1: standing there waiting for the bottle to finish warming up.

788
00:37:52,080 --> 00:37:54,560
Speaker 1: He's being selfish and hoping you'll just do it yourself.

789
00:37:54,880 --> 00:37:57,600
Speaker 1: Opie says, I tell him this. I don't understand why

790
00:37:57,640 --> 00:38:01,160
Speaker 1: he can't just stand for four minutes. Comina three says,

791
00:38:01,160 --> 00:38:03,080
Speaker 1: wake him up. Every time you get up at night

792
00:38:03,120 --> 00:38:05,560
Speaker 1: to feed the baby, make sure he stays awake while

793
00:38:05,600 --> 00:38:08,000
Speaker 1: you're feeding. If that means turning on the light in

794
00:38:08,000 --> 00:38:09,799
Speaker 1: the bedroom or feeding the baby in the dark, but

795
00:38:09,880 --> 00:38:12,640
Speaker 1: in bed next to your husband. When the pain he's

796
00:38:12,680 --> 00:38:15,600
Speaker 1: in is greater than the pain of change, he will change.

797
00:38:15,680 --> 00:38:17,480
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'd be making so much noise at the.

798
00:38:17,600 --> 00:38:21,360
Speaker 1: Oh, I'd like you're waking up every time, like, oh sorry,

799
00:38:21,360 --> 00:38:23,000
Speaker 1: did I wake you up? Oh?

800
00:38:23,239 --> 00:38:24,440
Speaker 3: Sorry, I have to feed the baby.

801
00:38:24,560 --> 00:38:26,759
Speaker 1: I to feed the baby. I did it. Though I

802
00:38:26,840 --> 00:38:29,120
Speaker 1: fed the baby, I didn't go back to sleep. At

803
00:38:29,120 --> 00:38:31,480
Speaker 1: the very least, he will understand how tired you are,

804
00:38:31,680 --> 00:38:34,279
Speaker 1: Obie says, I will. The crazy thing is just this

805
00:38:34,320 --> 00:38:37,160
Speaker 1: week he started only waking up twice. Used to wake

806
00:38:37,239 --> 00:38:39,200
Speaker 1: up four to five times before, but he wakes up

807
00:38:39,200 --> 00:38:43,040
Speaker 1: at six am, meaning I sleep like four hours. If

808
00:38:43,040 --> 00:38:46,440
Speaker 1: his dad could literally just do one feeding, Oh oh,

809
00:38:46,480 --> 00:38:49,400
Speaker 1: the baby's sorry, he's waking up. The baby's only waking

810
00:38:49,480 --> 00:38:53,480
Speaker 1: up two times a night, and oh wow. Yeah, if

811
00:38:53,480 --> 00:38:56,480
Speaker 1: his dad could literally just do one feeding, that's already

812
00:38:56,560 --> 00:38:59,640
Speaker 1: half the work done. As Opie's husband been tested for

813
00:38:59,640 --> 00:39:03,160
Speaker 1: any possible medical conditions that affect his sleep, Opie says,

814
00:39:03,920 --> 00:39:06,000
Speaker 1: I don't think so, but I'm no doctor, so I

815
00:39:06,000 --> 00:39:08,319
Speaker 1: wouldn't know for sure. I'll bring it up. But you're

816
00:39:08,360 --> 00:39:10,640
Speaker 1: right on the dot with men not liking doctors. When

817
00:39:10,680 --> 00:39:13,160
Speaker 1: he's sick, in pain, anything of the sort, he will

818
00:39:13,200 --> 00:39:16,279
Speaker 1: refuse to see one. He does snore, and he will

819
00:39:16,360 --> 00:39:19,319
Speaker 1: like choke and wake himself up. Sometimes it's scary to hear.

820
00:39:19,520 --> 00:39:21,840
Speaker 1: I always think he's going to pass away or something.

821
00:39:21,880 --> 00:39:24,239
Speaker 1: I definitely think it's a possibility. He wakes up at

822
00:39:24,239 --> 00:39:26,239
Speaker 1: six am to get ready to leave for work. He

823
00:39:26,320 --> 00:39:29,839
Speaker 1: gets home around six pm, and I leave for work

824
00:39:29,840 --> 00:39:32,680
Speaker 1: at six and come home around eleven to twelve. So

825
00:39:32,960 --> 00:39:35,640
Speaker 1: he really only gets a max of six hours of

826
00:39:35,680 --> 00:39:37,840
Speaker 1: sleep because it takes him about two to three hours

827
00:39:37,840 --> 00:39:42,040
Speaker 1: to put the baby to bed. That's dode close to normal.

828
00:39:42,160 --> 00:39:44,399
Speaker 1: That's pretty close to normal. A lot of people only

829
00:39:44,400 --> 00:39:48,040
Speaker 1: get six hours who aren't parents of a newborn.

830
00:39:47,760 --> 00:39:49,839
Speaker 3: Child, and she's getting maybe four.

831
00:39:50,160 --> 00:39:54,959
Speaker 1: Yeah. Does Opie's husband take any sleep related medications? Opie says,

832
00:39:55,000 --> 00:39:57,319
Speaker 1: nobody is a log. He's been like that since I've

833
00:39:57,360 --> 00:39:59,640
Speaker 1: known him. He didn't budge with our mirror crash down

834
00:39:59,680 --> 00:40:01,720
Speaker 1: and s added a few years ago. And he sleeps

835
00:40:01,719 --> 00:40:03,840
Speaker 1: through all of his alarms, even when the phone is

836
00:40:03,920 --> 00:40:08,000
Speaker 1: beside his head. Dude, is what is this is? Sleep?

837
00:40:08,040 --> 00:40:10,920
Speaker 1: Does concern me sometimes because one second he's up, then

838
00:40:10,960 --> 00:40:13,600
Speaker 1: the next he's out. Common or four says, First off,

839
00:40:13,640 --> 00:40:17,680
Speaker 1: do not close sleep with the baby. Super dangerous. It happens, sure,

840
00:40:17,719 --> 00:40:19,600
Speaker 1: but it only takes one second for the baby to

841
00:40:19,600 --> 00:40:22,760
Speaker 1: be blue and gone. Don't do that ever again. Next step,

842
00:40:22,840 --> 00:40:24,600
Speaker 1: tell him he is not allowed back in your bed

843
00:40:24,680 --> 00:40:27,440
Speaker 1: until the baby is fed. End of story. I have

844
00:40:27,520 --> 00:40:30,120
Speaker 1: triplets and I did night feeding, and I never once

845
00:40:30,239 --> 00:40:33,240
Speaker 1: just handed my kids back. That being said, some dads

846
00:40:33,280 --> 00:40:35,480
Speaker 1: have a hard time adjusting to the new regimen because

847
00:40:35,480 --> 00:40:39,080
Speaker 1: they didn't carry that baby, and it just takes time

848
00:40:39,239 --> 00:40:43,480
Speaker 1: to stop caring about oneself over another. Don't get resentful.

849
00:40:43,840 --> 00:40:46,120
Speaker 1: He can do better, and you need to tell him

850
00:40:46,200 --> 00:40:49,239
Speaker 1: as much. Good luck, mama, Ope, he says, Yes, we

851
00:40:49,320 --> 00:40:51,080
Speaker 1: don't co sleep if he's in the bed one of

852
00:40:51,120 --> 00:40:53,480
Speaker 1: us is awake, or I wait until he's knocked out

853
00:40:53,520 --> 00:40:56,040
Speaker 1: to transfer him because I can't sleep with him in

854
00:40:56,080 --> 00:40:58,840
Speaker 1: the bed beside me. I definitely think it's a slow process.

855
00:40:59,440 --> 00:41:02,040
Speaker 1: I just add him like two weeks ago to start helping,

856
00:41:02,080 --> 00:41:04,320
Speaker 1: and he just got this new job, so it's definitely

857
00:41:04,360 --> 00:41:07,520
Speaker 1: a balancing thing in my opinion. Opie on her son's

858
00:41:07,560 --> 00:41:09,960
Speaker 1: age and why it's necessary for him to have his feedings.

859
00:41:10,400 --> 00:41:11,080
Speaker 1: He's a baby.

860
00:41:11,480 --> 00:41:13,120
Speaker 3: Yeah, but wait read the next one.

861
00:41:13,239 --> 00:41:16,080
Speaker 1: Opie says ten months, but he has an ostomy bag

862
00:41:16,400 --> 00:41:18,839
Speaker 1: and needs sodium supplements, so he needs at least one

863
00:41:18,880 --> 00:41:21,879
Speaker 1: feeding at night. He won't drink salt water or else

864
00:41:21,920 --> 00:41:24,319
Speaker 1: his electrolytes will drop too low. Oh my goodness, he's

865
00:41:24,400 --> 00:41:28,000
Speaker 1: ten months old though he's almost a year old. Wow, wow,

866
00:41:28,280 --> 00:41:31,400
Speaker 1: And this has been going on that whole time. And

867
00:41:31,719 --> 00:41:33,880
Speaker 1: also like medical condition clearly.

868
00:41:33,800 --> 00:41:36,640
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I think in the bag is like outside

869
00:41:36,640 --> 00:41:37,320
Speaker 3: of your stomach.

870
00:41:37,440 --> 00:41:41,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, but like you're not eating your child, like

871
00:41:41,520 --> 00:41:44,600
Speaker 1: the dad's not feeding his kid who has a medical condition. Right,

872
00:41:44,719 --> 00:41:47,080
Speaker 1: He wasn't allowed to start solids for a bit because

873
00:41:47,080 --> 00:41:48,759
Speaker 1: he was in the nick you for so long, plus

874
00:41:48,800 --> 00:41:51,440
Speaker 1: his surgeries afterwards. So he is just now starting to

875
00:41:51,480 --> 00:41:54,359
Speaker 1: accept solids. It's a work in progress. And we clean

876
00:41:54,400 --> 00:41:57,040
Speaker 1: his mouth after he eats, like dentist advises. And there

877
00:41:57,160 --> 00:42:00,479
Speaker 1: is an update, folks. But dang, So.

878
00:42:00,400 --> 00:42:04,080
Speaker 3: She's also going to work, coming home, cleaning the house,

879
00:42:04,480 --> 00:42:08,279
Speaker 3: doing cooking dinner. Yeah, is the one that's staying up

880
00:42:08,560 --> 00:42:12,320
Speaker 3: taking care of a baby that has a medical condition. Yeah,

881
00:42:12,360 --> 00:42:13,719
Speaker 3: on four hours of sleep.

882
00:42:13,480 --> 00:42:14,920
Speaker 1: On four hours of sleep.

883
00:42:15,480 --> 00:42:16,560
Speaker 3: That's so much.

884
00:42:16,880 --> 00:42:19,560
Speaker 1: I'm tired just thinking of this baby. Yeah, I mean

885
00:42:19,719 --> 00:42:24,440
Speaker 1: of this situation, not this baby. Oh my wow.

886
00:42:24,840 --> 00:42:25,200
Speaker 3: Yeah.

887
00:42:25,280 --> 00:42:28,080
Speaker 1: I mean like at that point, she'd probably get more

888
00:42:28,160 --> 00:42:30,200
Speaker 1: sleep if she were the only parent.

889
00:42:30,320 --> 00:42:33,800
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, like what, she'd get up four minutes

890
00:42:33,800 --> 00:42:34,879
Speaker 3: and be done and go back to bed.

891
00:42:35,040 --> 00:42:37,800
Speaker 1: Yeah. And I probably wouldn't have to worry about baby,

892
00:42:37,840 --> 00:42:40,440
Speaker 1: you know, waking up later because it's hungry or something.

893
00:42:40,880 --> 00:42:45,160
Speaker 1: Oh yea wait, three days later. Just want to start

894
00:42:45,160 --> 00:42:47,640
Speaker 1: off by saying thank you to everyone who gave thoughts, opinions,

895
00:42:47,640 --> 00:42:51,439
Speaker 1: and advice. I realized pretty quickly I wouldn't be able

896
00:42:51,440 --> 00:42:53,720
Speaker 1: to answer everyone, and a lot of the same questions

897
00:42:53,760 --> 00:42:56,520
Speaker 1: were being asked as well. For starters, my husband missing

898
00:42:56,520 --> 00:42:59,239
Speaker 1: a feeding doesn't hurt his medical condition because I make

899
00:42:59,280 --> 00:43:02,799
Speaker 1: sure I double the amount before bed allowed, and I'm

900
00:43:02,840 --> 00:43:05,080
Speaker 1: always up around four to five am to give him

901
00:43:05,080 --> 00:43:08,160
Speaker 1: a feed regardless, so he's always getting his sodium supplements.

902
00:43:08,400 --> 00:43:11,560
Speaker 1: Look up perch Sprung's disease if you're interested to learn

903
00:43:11,680 --> 00:43:14,799
Speaker 1: about our baby's condition. Also, I think some people get

904
00:43:14,880 --> 00:43:18,319
Speaker 1: confused and thought him missing a feed was every night,

905
00:43:18,760 --> 00:43:22,160
Speaker 1: but it only happens about twice a month. Still frustrating

906
00:43:22,160 --> 00:43:26,239
Speaker 1: when it happens though. Anyways, updates start here. I asked

907
00:43:26,280 --> 00:43:27,880
Speaker 1: him why he hands the baby to me, and he

908
00:43:27,920 --> 00:43:30,480
Speaker 1: says he does it because he can't hold himself while

909
00:43:30,520 --> 00:43:34,080
Speaker 1: getting milk, mixing supplements in and keeping him in the

910
00:43:34,080 --> 00:43:35,959
Speaker 1: crib to cry will wake me up more.

911
00:43:36,440 --> 00:43:40,399
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's really hard to hold a bottle and shake it,

912
00:43:40,880 --> 00:43:44,560
Speaker 3: okay in your hand.

913
00:43:44,120 --> 00:43:49,400
Speaker 1: I'm gonna, I'm gonna, Okay, this is my baby, my baby,

914
00:43:50,120 --> 00:43:55,040
Speaker 1: my shaker. That's really hard. It's really hard. I make

915
00:43:55,080 --> 00:43:59,279
Speaker 1: it look easy. It's so hard. Yeah, it's hard to

916
00:43:59,280 --> 00:44:03,279
Speaker 1: bounce on this actual but I'm balancing it anyway, s

917
00:44:04,560 --> 00:44:08,160
Speaker 1: crazy Mike wave ready, whoa how did they do that?

918
00:44:08,400 --> 00:44:10,960
Speaker 1: And also second thing? But it put the baby back

919
00:44:11,000 --> 00:44:14,160
Speaker 1: here you go. Yeah, what do you mean waking up

920
00:44:14,160 --> 00:44:18,400
Speaker 1: your wife will wake her up less than her hearing

921
00:44:18,400 --> 00:44:21,520
Speaker 1: a baby crying? He's he said, he said, waking you

922
00:44:21,680 --> 00:44:24,000
Speaker 1: up will be will wake you up less.

923
00:44:24,239 --> 00:44:25,760
Speaker 3: Yeah, you're waking up the same amount.

924
00:44:26,000 --> 00:44:28,839
Speaker 1: You're still waking up, except in one hand you're having

925
00:44:28,880 --> 00:44:30,600
Speaker 1: to hold a baby. In the other hand, you're like, oh,

926
00:44:30,680 --> 00:44:32,400
Speaker 1: baby's crying, you're plugs.

927
00:44:32,440 --> 00:44:35,239
Speaker 3: I do think it is a thing though, when uh

928
00:44:36,000 --> 00:44:38,800
Speaker 3: new moms hear baby cry, they are like very awake,

929
00:44:38,880 --> 00:44:40,239
Speaker 3: really quickly, Like I think that's like.

930
00:44:40,280 --> 00:44:42,200
Speaker 1: I mean, but the baby, she's probably waking up right

931
00:44:42,239 --> 00:44:45,040
Speaker 1: the way, hold the baby and make the bottle and

932
00:44:45,080 --> 00:44:48,480
Speaker 1: it won't live crying that this is ridiculous. You normally

933
00:44:48,520 --> 00:44:51,000
Speaker 1: will take the baby back ninety eight percent of the time,

934
00:44:51,400 --> 00:44:53,279
Speaker 1: he said, He'll stop and bring the baby into the

935
00:44:53,320 --> 00:44:55,080
Speaker 1: living room and let him cry there while he gets

936
00:44:55,120 --> 00:44:57,160
Speaker 1: everything done. Just figure out how to hold the baby.

937
00:44:57,640 --> 00:44:59,920
Speaker 1: I asked why he falls asleep, and he told me

938
00:45:00,040 --> 00:45:01,960
Speaker 1: that he genuinely does not. You know what you can

939
00:45:01,960 --> 00:45:04,280
Speaker 1: get like a little papoose and then and then you can.

940
00:45:04,160 --> 00:45:06,040
Speaker 3: Do everything he's had, like a holder for the baby.

941
00:45:06,120 --> 00:45:09,839
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah. A lot of people went straight to calling

942
00:45:09,880 --> 00:45:11,959
Speaker 1: him an awful and a crap dad. But I see

943
00:45:11,960 --> 00:45:14,400
Speaker 1: this man every day and can promise he is anything

944
00:45:14,440 --> 00:45:18,239
Speaker 1: but that he's just lazy, or so I thought. I

945
00:45:18,280 --> 00:45:20,760
Speaker 1: brought up sleep apnea because there were tons of people

946
00:45:20,800 --> 00:45:23,120
Speaker 1: saying to look into it. I asked him to tell

947
00:45:23,280 --> 00:45:25,399
Speaker 1: me what sleep was like for him, and I'll give

948
00:45:25,400 --> 00:45:28,279
Speaker 1: you the short version. He wakes up constantly because he

949
00:45:28,280 --> 00:45:30,920
Speaker 1: feels like he loses his breath, heart stops, but he

950
00:45:30,960 --> 00:45:33,120
Speaker 1: does fall right back asleep, so he doesn't mind it

951
00:45:33,160 --> 00:45:35,720
Speaker 1: too much. He sweats so much he ends up cold

952
00:45:35,760 --> 00:45:38,879
Speaker 1: from being drenched. It's bad. His mouth is always dry

953
00:45:39,040 --> 00:45:42,080
Speaker 1: and horse from his onoxious snoring. It's gone awful. Oh

954
00:45:42,120 --> 00:45:44,720
Speaker 1: my god. So this poor woman, even when she's sleeping,

955
00:45:44,800 --> 00:45:47,200
Speaker 1: she can't get sleep because he's probably storing. And also

956
00:45:47,200 --> 00:45:50,000
Speaker 1: I don't even feel that bad for him, because he

957
00:45:50,120 --> 00:45:52,120
Speaker 1: could have caught him the doctor doctor, and he refused

958
00:45:52,120 --> 00:45:54,040
Speaker 1: to go to the doctor. So I'm sorry if you're like,

959
00:45:54,120 --> 00:45:56,400
Speaker 1: oh well, it's my sleep is pretty awful and I

960
00:45:56,440 --> 00:45:58,640
Speaker 1: can't breathe, but I didn't go to the doctor.

961
00:45:58,760 --> 00:46:01,640
Speaker 3: And also this is the twe at least now, because

962
00:46:01,640 --> 00:46:03,919
Speaker 3: we've been longer twentieth time of this happening, and every

963
00:46:03,920 --> 00:46:05,600
Speaker 3: time she was like, I need you to stay up,

964
00:46:05,640 --> 00:46:06,960
Speaker 3: he never once said this.

965
00:46:07,400 --> 00:46:09,560
Speaker 1: During the day, he has micro naps, so his head

966
00:46:09,600 --> 00:46:11,880
Speaker 1: is constantly bobbing. At work, he has to roll the

967
00:46:11,920 --> 00:46:14,520
Speaker 1: windows down with the AIC at full blast and music

968
00:46:14,560 --> 00:46:17,200
Speaker 1: at max, so he stays up while driving sometimes. Another

969
00:46:17,239 --> 00:46:19,440
Speaker 1: thing that I myself have diagnosed him with, so I

970
00:46:19,480 --> 00:46:24,239
Speaker 1: could be wrong, is somnia. Somnia. Look it up. What

971
00:46:25,040 --> 00:46:27,640
Speaker 1: I did this years ago because when we first started dating,

972
00:46:27,680 --> 00:46:30,440
Speaker 1: I noticed at night, when we were passed away asleep,

973
00:46:30,920 --> 00:46:34,800
Speaker 1: he would initiate spicy sleep every night. I went along

974
00:46:34,840 --> 00:46:37,160
Speaker 1: with it, but when we would wake the next morning,

975
00:46:37,200 --> 00:46:38,879
Speaker 1: he would always joke about how I was a wild

976
00:46:38,960 --> 00:46:41,239
Speaker 1: card at night and couldn't keep my hands off of him.

977
00:46:41,640 --> 00:46:43,920
Speaker 3: We does he have it or she has it? That

978
00:46:44,000 --> 00:46:46,040
Speaker 3: sounded like he was the one asleep for that.

979
00:46:47,080 --> 00:46:50,120
Speaker 1: Well, it seems like he like initiated asleep and then

980
00:46:50,160 --> 00:46:50,680
Speaker 1: wakes up.

981
00:46:51,120 --> 00:46:53,839
Speaker 3: Oh, she said, she hello, continuing the deed.

982
00:46:54,360 --> 00:46:57,040
Speaker 1: Okay. I was baffled and told him I was just

983
00:46:57,080 --> 00:46:59,719
Speaker 1: following his lead, and he too was baffled. He had

984
00:46:59,760 --> 00:47:01,719
Speaker 1: no memory of anything he did at night to me

985
00:47:01,960 --> 00:47:07,279
Speaker 1: or himself. Huh, he still doesn't know when he does it. Well,

986
00:47:07,320 --> 00:47:10,640
Speaker 1: guess what one of the causes for six spicy somnia

987
00:47:11,320 --> 00:47:14,359
Speaker 1: sleep apna. He has done all of these things since

988
00:47:14,400 --> 00:47:16,840
Speaker 1: I've known him. Also, he sticks his arms straight in

989
00:47:16,840 --> 00:47:19,240
Speaker 1: the air and strokes it while he sleeps, very creepy.

990
00:47:19,280 --> 00:47:20,719
Speaker 1: And just want to let you know what I deal with.

991
00:47:21,120 --> 00:47:24,280
Speaker 1: Oh my goodness. We came to an agreement me because

992
00:47:24,280 --> 00:47:26,520
Speaker 1: he fought me on seeing a doctor that he would

993
00:47:26,520 --> 00:47:29,600
Speaker 1: have telemed virtual appointment with the doctor and if they

994
00:47:29,640 --> 00:47:32,200
Speaker 1: advised us to come in, we would. Yesterday, before he

995
00:47:32,280 --> 00:47:34,759
Speaker 1: went to work, I set up the earliest appointment we

996
00:47:34,800 --> 00:47:38,960
Speaker 1: could get. No surprise. She heavily advised he come in

997
00:47:39,000 --> 00:47:41,120
Speaker 1: and start a sleep test with the clinic with all

998
00:47:41,200 --> 00:47:44,759
Speaker 1: his symptoms, including my awkward nighttime stories. Really weird telling

999
00:47:44,800 --> 00:47:47,759
Speaker 1: a doct your husband is a spicy sleep sleeper. The

1000
00:47:47,880 --> 00:47:51,000
Speaker 1: arm thing is apparently a self soothing thing too, by

1001
00:47:51,000 --> 00:47:53,520
Speaker 1: the way, he was on the fans. But she also

1002
00:47:53,560 --> 00:47:56,200
Speaker 1: said they offer a sleep test at home kit and

1003
00:47:56,239 --> 00:47:58,640
Speaker 1: we could do it ourselves. However, I don't know if

1004
00:47:58,640 --> 00:48:00,680
Speaker 1: I trust it, and she said, but it's not as

1005
00:48:00,680 --> 00:48:03,120
Speaker 1: reliable and there could be issues that we wouldn't know about.

1006
00:48:03,520 --> 00:48:05,480
Speaker 1: We have an appointment next week to see a doctor

1007
00:48:05,520 --> 00:48:08,279
Speaker 1: in person about this and we will decide then. But

1008
00:48:08,880 --> 00:48:11,160
Speaker 1: I will leave it to him as it's his sleep

1009
00:48:11,200 --> 00:48:14,680
Speaker 1: and comfort. No, it isn't. The thing you do is

1010
00:48:14,760 --> 00:48:18,759
Speaker 1: not comfort. Your sleep and comfort are being disrupted. Your

1011
00:48:18,880 --> 00:48:22,120
Speaker 1: baby's sleep and safety are being disrupted. It's not really

1012
00:48:22,120 --> 00:48:25,120
Speaker 1: about him anymore. Your baby's not eating, Okay, I honestly

1013
00:48:25,160 --> 00:48:29,520
Speaker 1: don't really give a one care in the world. About

1014
00:48:29,920 --> 00:48:33,000
Speaker 1: his fear of doctors. I don't care.

1015
00:48:33,040 --> 00:48:33,879
Speaker 3: I don't care at all.

1016
00:48:33,920 --> 00:48:36,359
Speaker 1: I'd be like, no, you're going to the doctor because

1017
00:48:36,360 --> 00:48:40,120
Speaker 1: this is our unless, like, like, our child's safety is

1018
00:48:40,160 --> 00:48:42,719
Speaker 1: a risk. The kit is covered by our insurance, but

1019
00:48:42,760 --> 00:48:45,160
Speaker 1: it comes with the risk of being less accurate. We

1020
00:48:45,200 --> 00:48:47,400
Speaker 1: are making a sleep schedule, but knowing he might have

1021
00:48:47,400 --> 00:48:49,239
Speaker 1: a sleep disorder. I don't want him waking with the

1022
00:48:49,239 --> 00:48:51,920
Speaker 1: baby as of now. We agreed I should cut my

1023
00:48:51,920 --> 00:48:54,280
Speaker 1: hours down at work. That way, I'm not so tired.

1024
00:48:54,640 --> 00:48:57,120
Speaker 1: I can handle less sleep with less hours work. I

1025
00:48:57,160 --> 00:48:59,400
Speaker 1: am upset with him because I only knew about his

1026
00:48:59,440 --> 00:49:02,720
Speaker 1: snoring and wedding. I had no idea he had trouble

1027
00:49:02,719 --> 00:49:05,920
Speaker 1: staying up or and working or driving. And that's frustrating

1028
00:49:06,000 --> 00:49:07,800
Speaker 1: because what if he had to watch the baby alone

1029
00:49:07,840 --> 00:49:10,520
Speaker 1: one day, or if he hurts someone or himself on

1030
00:49:10,560 --> 00:49:13,680
Speaker 1: the road. We're definitely going to have another conversation about

1031
00:49:13,719 --> 00:49:17,920
Speaker 1: honesty and communication because these issues could have been solved

1032
00:49:18,200 --> 00:49:18,799
Speaker 1: months ago.

1033
00:49:19,360 --> 00:49:24,120
Speaker 3: Yeah, baby's ten months old. NA can get that test, Like,

1034
00:49:24,200 --> 00:49:26,200
Speaker 3: I don't care if he's scared of the doctor.

1035
00:49:26,280 --> 00:49:27,680
Speaker 1: No, I'd be like, we're not going to do the

1036
00:49:27,880 --> 00:49:30,480
Speaker 1: at home test because it's accurate, and I want to

1037
00:49:30,560 --> 00:49:31,160
Speaker 1: solve this.

1038
00:49:31,920 --> 00:49:34,360
Speaker 3: Also, I'm pretty sure a sleep test is literally you

1039
00:49:34,520 --> 00:49:37,000
Speaker 3: just go to the dock, they put some thingies on

1040
00:49:37,040 --> 00:49:38,560
Speaker 3: your head, and you go to sleep.

1041
00:49:38,560 --> 00:49:39,000
Speaker 1: That's it.

1042
00:49:39,239 --> 00:49:41,920
Speaker 3: They're not out here doing like a bunch of different tests.

1043
00:49:42,440 --> 00:49:43,560
Speaker 1: Literally just sleep.

1044
00:49:43,800 --> 00:49:45,319
Speaker 3: I don't know if I could do one of those, though,

1045
00:49:45,600 --> 00:49:47,440
Speaker 3: because you'd have trouble going to sleep. Yeah, I think

1046
00:49:47,440 --> 00:49:50,120
Speaker 3: I would also have trouble going to sleep, but I

1047
00:49:50,120 --> 00:49:52,000
Speaker 3: think that helps the test. Maybe.

1048
00:49:52,200 --> 00:49:54,759
Speaker 1: Yeah, they're like, oh, you haven't solved it. Oh look

1049
00:49:54,800 --> 00:49:55,080
Speaker 1: at that.

1050
00:49:55,480 --> 00:49:57,640
Speaker 3: You're here because you can't sleep, and you can't sleep.

1051
00:49:57,680 --> 00:50:01,960
Speaker 1: You can't sleep. What relevant? Cominer one says, make sure

1052
00:50:02,040 --> 00:50:05,040
Speaker 1: he knows that he can pass away from untreated sleep

1053
00:50:05,080 --> 00:50:09,120
Speaker 1: ATNA art attack and stroke can occur while he's sleep suffocating,

1054
00:50:09,520 --> 00:50:12,919
Speaker 1: Opie says. The doctor and I both heavily emphasizes him.

1055
00:50:13,360 --> 00:50:15,360
Speaker 1: He's worried, but not as worried as I think he

1056
00:50:15,440 --> 00:50:17,680
Speaker 1: should be. But according to him, he's lived the past

1057
00:50:17,680 --> 00:50:20,080
Speaker 1: ten years like this, So another week or two won't hurt.

1058
00:50:20,080 --> 00:50:22,359
Speaker 3: Yeah, it won't hurt him, it'll hurt you.

1059
00:50:23,200 --> 00:50:26,799
Speaker 1: Hopefully his luck stays up with that mindset. Cominer two says,

1060
00:50:26,880 --> 00:50:30,280
Speaker 1: I hope your husband takes this seriously. He is literally

1061
00:50:30,320 --> 00:50:33,880
Speaker 1: fighting for his life every single night, and it's taking

1062
00:50:33,880 --> 00:50:36,640
Speaker 1: a massive toll on his health. It's also creating a

1063
00:50:36,680 --> 00:50:39,160
Speaker 1: safety risk for your baby, and he's gambling with his

1064
00:50:39,200 --> 00:50:43,319
Speaker 1: life and future by delaying diagnosis and treatment. So tell

1065
00:50:43,400 --> 00:50:45,840
Speaker 1: him to drop the stubbornness and do exactly what the

1066
00:50:45,880 --> 00:50:49,920
Speaker 1: doctor recommends as quickly as possible. Op. He says he

1067
00:50:49,960 --> 00:50:52,399
Speaker 1: hasn't been to the doctor once since I've known him,

1068
00:50:52,440 --> 00:50:56,080
Speaker 1: and according to him, his mother was the last one

1069
00:50:56,080 --> 00:50:57,360
Speaker 1: who took him at fifteen.

1070
00:50:57,719 --> 00:51:00,280
Speaker 3: He hasn't been to the doctor since he was fifteen.

1071
00:51:00,560 --> 00:51:04,240
Speaker 1: What that's such a red flag to me, honestly, Like, okay,

1072
00:51:04,400 --> 00:51:06,920
Speaker 1: I will amend that statement because obviously they're a financially

1073
00:51:07,239 --> 00:51:09,640
Speaker 1: you know, financial reasons why a person can't go to

1074
00:51:09,640 --> 00:51:12,359
Speaker 1: the doctor. But the fact that he seems like scared.

1075
00:51:12,040 --> 00:51:13,840
Speaker 3: Of the doctor and his mom at fifteen was like,

1076
00:51:13,920 --> 00:51:15,520
Speaker 3: well you don't have to go anymore.

1077
00:51:15,640 --> 00:51:18,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm sorry. What like, if it is not a

1078
00:51:18,160 --> 00:51:19,520
Speaker 1: financial reason.

1079
00:51:19,840 --> 00:51:21,719
Speaker 3: Go to the dock at the doc. I think that's

1080
00:51:21,719 --> 00:51:24,280
Speaker 3: a real thing that men. Yeah, like ten to fifteen,

1081
00:51:24,360 --> 00:51:26,919
Speaker 3: you're passed away ten thirteen years ago because they don't

1082
00:51:26,920 --> 00:51:30,080
Speaker 3: go to the doctor. It's a totally fixable probability, and

1083
00:51:30,120 --> 00:51:31,080
Speaker 3: you just don't go to the doctor.

1084
00:51:31,080 --> 00:51:34,120
Speaker 1: And they're like, I'll figure it out. Yeah, it's probably fine,

1085
00:51:34,480 --> 00:51:35,200
Speaker 1: go to the doctor.

1086
00:51:35,280 --> 00:51:37,200
Speaker 3: We're too scared to make the appointment.

1087
00:51:37,680 --> 00:51:41,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, you're like to I have to call myself, mommy,

1088
00:51:41,960 --> 00:51:44,080
Speaker 1: can you make the appointment for me? Yeah? I tell

1089
00:51:44,120 --> 00:51:46,239
Speaker 1: him every other day to see a doctor, as he's

1090
00:51:46,280 --> 00:51:50,080
Speaker 1: always had some random or concerning pain. Comin three says,

1091
00:51:50,160 --> 00:51:52,440
Speaker 1: this needs to be a hill you pass away on.

1092
00:51:53,080 --> 00:51:55,040
Speaker 1: Let him know and know on certain terms that if

1093
00:51:55,040 --> 00:51:57,760
Speaker 1: he doesn't go in to do a proper sleep study,

1094
00:51:58,239 --> 00:52:01,120
Speaker 1: you can pack his crap and move. I know it

1095
00:52:01,120 --> 00:52:03,600
Speaker 1: seems extreme, but he's putting his life on the line.

1096
00:52:03,719 --> 00:52:05,960
Speaker 1: He's putting your life on the line every time he

1097
00:52:06,040 --> 00:52:09,200
Speaker 1: drives you, and he's putting your child's life on the line.

1098
00:52:09,520 --> 00:52:13,040
Speaker 1: This cannot be negotiable. Keep in mind, sleep deprivation is

1099
00:52:13,080 --> 00:52:16,120
Speaker 1: a form of torture. He has literally been torturing himself

1100
00:52:16,160 --> 00:52:19,359
Speaker 1: for ten plus years. Opie says, Yes, once I heard

1101
00:52:19,400 --> 00:52:21,800
Speaker 1: the driving part, I knew this wasn't a game anymore.

1102
00:52:22,239 --> 00:52:25,359
Speaker 1: I've already set him his appointment and I'm driving him

1103
00:52:25,360 --> 00:52:28,560
Speaker 1: to make sure it's done. Mommy said, sit your appointment.

1104
00:52:29,160 --> 00:52:32,239
Speaker 1: Mommy sets your appointment for you. Also, luckily for us,

1105
00:52:32,239 --> 00:52:34,720
Speaker 1: his best friend works at the same job and lives

1106
00:52:34,719 --> 00:52:37,200
Speaker 1: in the same apartment complex as us, so he's offered

1107
00:52:37,200 --> 00:52:39,640
Speaker 1: to drive him to work until his appointment with all

1108
00:52:39,719 --> 00:52:41,879
Speaker 1: the help and support he's getting right now, if he

1109
00:52:41,960 --> 00:52:44,880
Speaker 1: doesn't keep up his end of the deal, I'll have

1110
00:52:44,920 --> 00:52:47,560
Speaker 1: to fight him and drag him there myself. Does op

1111
00:52:47,719 --> 00:52:50,040
Speaker 1: and her husband have family close by that can help

1112
00:52:50,080 --> 00:52:53,000
Speaker 1: out or be the support system? Opie says, my parents

1113
00:52:53,040 --> 00:52:55,440
Speaker 1: aren't too far, but not close enough to help at night.

1114
00:52:55,840 --> 00:52:57,560
Speaker 1: They're out of the country at the moment as well.

1115
00:52:57,760 --> 00:52:59,560
Speaker 1: I do not get along with his mother, as she

1116
00:52:59,600 --> 00:53:03,080
Speaker 1: is issue with obeying our babies sleep slash feeding schedules,

1117
00:53:03,560 --> 00:53:06,080
Speaker 1: so we are low contact with them and only see

1118
00:53:06,080 --> 00:53:09,720
Speaker 1: them once every two weeks. I don't trust help premarn

1119
00:53:09,880 --> 00:53:11,640
Speaker 1: or do I want it. It will cause me more

1120
00:53:11,680 --> 00:53:14,160
Speaker 1: stress than I already have. It's just us three at

1121
00:53:14,160 --> 00:53:16,240
Speaker 1: the moment, but I do believe cutting my work hours

1122
00:53:16,239 --> 00:53:18,800
Speaker 1: will help a lot with my stress and sleep. Common

1123
00:53:18,880 --> 00:53:21,319
Speaker 1: or four says, I can't believe you agreed to let

1124
00:53:21,360 --> 00:53:24,200
Speaker 1: him shirk his responsibility and you cut your hours at

1125
00:53:24,200 --> 00:53:26,720
Speaker 1: work to make up for it, so now your career

1126
00:53:26,760 --> 00:53:29,920
Speaker 1: will suffer. Holy heck o pie. He's acting like a

1127
00:53:30,000 --> 00:53:32,319
Speaker 1: child and like he doesn't have any agency at all,

1128
00:53:32,360 --> 00:53:36,319
Speaker 1: and you're falling for this weaponizing and competence scrap. He

1129
00:53:36,440 --> 00:53:39,120
Speaker 1: let his medical issues affect his family to this degree

1130
00:53:39,160 --> 00:53:42,360
Speaker 1: and still won't see a doctor until you force him to.

1131
00:53:42,840 --> 00:53:46,280
Speaker 1: The story is infuriating to read. Not a happy update.

1132
00:53:46,680 --> 00:53:50,000
Speaker 1: He has medical issues, okay, he did nothing to address

1133
00:53:50,040 --> 00:53:53,240
Speaker 1: them for years, even when you begged, and still doesn't

1134
00:53:53,280 --> 00:53:56,799
Speaker 1: take responsibility sleep test at home for what reason when

1135
00:53:56,840 --> 00:53:58,440
Speaker 1: you can get a better test to the doctor and

1136
00:53:58,480 --> 00:54:02,799
Speaker 1: they offered it. It's pure laziness and selfishness. If he

1137
00:54:02,840 --> 00:54:05,520
Speaker 1: cared about his family, he would do everything he can

1138
00:54:05,680 --> 00:54:09,000
Speaker 1: to make sure he is healthy and present for them.

1139
00:54:09,120 --> 00:54:12,040
Speaker 1: Now your career takes a hit while he can continue

1140
00:54:12,080 --> 00:54:14,600
Speaker 1: to let you do every single thing for him, including

1141
00:54:14,680 --> 00:54:18,120
Speaker 1: managing his health like he's the baby, which is what

1142
00:54:18,160 --> 00:54:24,000
Speaker 1: you said, which I called op says the plan was

1143
00:54:24,120 --> 00:54:25,879
Speaker 1: for me to quit my job and become a stay

1144
00:54:25,920 --> 00:54:28,040
Speaker 1: at home mom. From the beginning. I hate my job.

1145
00:54:28,120 --> 00:54:31,520
Speaker 1: It's physical labor, and I certainly don't love working, especially

1146
00:54:31,600 --> 00:54:34,000
Speaker 1: when it means I can't see my son. He is

1147
00:54:34,080 --> 00:54:36,400
Speaker 1: going to the doctor. He was iffy about whether to

1148
00:54:36,400 --> 00:54:38,600
Speaker 1: do the test at home or at the clinic because

1149
00:54:38,640 --> 00:54:39,120
Speaker 1: of work.

1150
00:54:39,640 --> 00:54:41,200
Speaker 3: No, not a reason.

1151
00:54:41,960 --> 00:54:44,200
Speaker 1: Not a reason. It's a new job and he doesn't

1152
00:54:44,200 --> 00:54:46,719
Speaker 1: have the same leeway as his other He's been iffy

1153
00:54:46,760 --> 00:54:52,120
Speaker 1: for ten years. Test sleep test night, Well, not necessarily, I.

1154
00:54:52,120 --> 00:54:55,080
Speaker 3: Think usually they're really night I think even.

1155
00:54:54,920 --> 00:54:58,440
Speaker 1: Regardless of that, I'm just ten years. Yeah, so this

1156
00:54:58,520 --> 00:55:00,200
Speaker 1: is he's just always like, oh well now I have

1157
00:55:00,200 --> 00:55:03,320
Speaker 1: a new excuse. Yeah, but he is going to the doctor.

1158
00:55:03,840 --> 00:55:06,360
Speaker 1: He's going to decide which test is best when he

1159
00:55:06,400 --> 00:55:08,960
Speaker 1: gets there and go with whatever the doctor decides. He

1160
00:55:09,000 --> 00:55:12,320
Speaker 1: didn't know he had an actual issue and just blames stress.

1161
00:55:12,719 --> 00:55:14,719
Speaker 1: I didn't know either, and I never asked him to

1162
00:55:14,760 --> 00:55:17,839
Speaker 1: test for apnea. He gets bad migraines and his side

1163
00:55:17,920 --> 00:55:20,560
Speaker 1: hurt sometimes. Those are the issues I was referring to.

1164
00:55:21,080 --> 00:55:23,560
Speaker 1: But while he's there, he has to get a general

1165
00:55:23,600 --> 00:55:25,640
Speaker 1: work up anyways, so we'll see if he has any

1166
00:55:25,640 --> 00:55:29,080
Speaker 1: other underlying conditions, and he'll bring anything else up because

1167
00:55:29,120 --> 00:55:31,040
Speaker 1: he would rather do it all there than make a

1168
00:55:31,040 --> 00:55:35,800
Speaker 1: second appointment. Opie on having babysitting sources for son. Opie

1169
00:55:35,800 --> 00:55:38,719
Speaker 1: says most babysitters aren't comfortable with handling a baby with

1170
00:55:38,800 --> 00:55:41,360
Speaker 1: special care like an ostemy bag. If it were to

1171
00:55:41,400 --> 00:55:44,480
Speaker 1: fall off, they would be responsible for reapplying his dressings,

1172
00:55:44,520 --> 00:55:47,280
Speaker 1: and that's a lot to ask for anyone. I enjoy

1173
00:55:47,360 --> 00:55:50,880
Speaker 1: watching my son and already work part time as it is.

1174
00:55:51,200 --> 00:55:53,480
Speaker 1: We have already discussed how we aren't comfortable with our

1175
00:55:53,480 --> 00:55:56,839
Speaker 1: son being in daycare or having a babysitter. They aren't

1176
00:55:56,880 --> 00:55:58,839
Speaker 1: cheap and it would be more money than it's worth.

1177
00:55:59,160 --> 00:56:01,200
Speaker 1: I don't mind while watching my son day and night

1178
00:56:01,280 --> 00:56:03,600
Speaker 1: if I'm not working, because I can sleep when he does.

1179
00:56:04,000 --> 00:56:06,960
Speaker 1: As of now, my job drains me physically and emotionally.

1180
00:56:07,160 --> 00:56:09,440
Speaker 1: I can barely keep my eyes open after work, but

1181
00:56:09,560 --> 00:56:11,920
Speaker 1: all my days off, I have no problems. If I

1182
00:56:11,920 --> 00:56:13,680
Speaker 1: had a job I loved, it would be one hundred

1183
00:56:13,719 --> 00:56:16,400
Speaker 1: percent different. And that is the end of that story.

1184
00:56:16,440 --> 00:56:19,520
Speaker 1: But uh op, good luck. I hope your husband goes

1185
00:56:19,640 --> 00:56:20,440
Speaker 1: and gets tested.

1186
00:56:21,400 --> 00:56:25,399
Speaker 3: I hope it's something they can actually like treat. Yeah, yeah,

1187
00:56:25,400 --> 00:56:27,120
Speaker 3: she gets any more sleep, I know.

1188
00:56:27,480 --> 00:56:29,560
Speaker 1: And it's like, you know, a lot of these things

1189
00:56:29,680 --> 00:56:32,319
Speaker 1: get worse the longer that you go without treatment, So

1190
00:56:32,640 --> 00:56:34,200
Speaker 1: it's special lasting damage.

1191
00:56:34,320 --> 00:56:36,839
Speaker 3: Yeah, a lot of times too. I think with sleepepnia,

1192
00:56:37,040 --> 00:56:39,239
Speaker 3: one of the first things that they do is your tonsils.

1193
00:56:39,360 --> 00:56:43,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, and that hurts the older you are. Yeah. So

1194
00:56:44,040 --> 00:56:46,920
Speaker 1: good luck dude, and also good luck Ope, and I

1195
00:56:46,920 --> 00:56:48,960
Speaker 1: hope that you get the help and support from your

1196
00:56:49,000 --> 00:56:49,960
Speaker 1: partner that you deserve.

1197
00:56:50,280 --> 00:56:53,080
Speaker 2: Aed John here og host. We're going to get back

1198
00:56:53,080 --> 00:56:55,280
Speaker 2: to these stories, but a quick three minute break from hous.

1199
00:56:55,120 --> 00:56:56,120
Speaker 1: From our sponsors.

1200
00:56:56,400 --> 00:56:59,440
Speaker 3: I think my wife wants to open our marriage, but

1201
00:56:59,560 --> 00:57:00,520
Speaker 3: I don't want to.

1202
00:57:00,960 --> 00:57:02,480
Speaker 1: Then you just have to say no.

1203
00:57:03,200 --> 00:57:06,000
Speaker 3: I met the woman I would marry in twenty sixteen

1204
00:57:06,120 --> 00:57:09,520
Speaker 3: through mutual Friends online. We had hit it off well,

1205
00:57:09,560 --> 00:57:12,399
Speaker 3: but lost contact as we were both young and had

1206
00:57:12,440 --> 00:57:15,480
Speaker 3: different lives on the entire other side of the country.

1207
00:57:15,920 --> 00:57:19,120
Speaker 3: In twenty twenty we reconnected as with the lockdown, we

1208
00:57:19,120 --> 00:57:21,920
Speaker 3: were able to get online more and began to talk again.

1209
00:57:22,240 --> 00:57:24,360
Speaker 3: By the end of the year, we started dating and

1210
00:57:24,440 --> 00:57:27,000
Speaker 3: had plans to visit each other, which would happen in

1211
00:57:27,080 --> 00:57:30,320
Speaker 3: twenty twenty one. During this time, I was exposed to

1212
00:57:30,440 --> 00:57:34,280
Speaker 3: the drama, neglect, and mental strain her family would give her.

1213
00:57:34,680 --> 00:57:38,880
Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from the unknown ask and

1214
00:57:38,920 --> 00:57:40,560
Speaker 3: if you want to submit your own stories, go to

1215
00:57:40,600 --> 00:57:44,640
Speaker 3: the r slash Okay storytime subreddit. So in twenty twenty two,

1216
00:57:44,920 --> 00:57:47,680
Speaker 3: I convinced her to move here, but her family was

1217
00:57:47,880 --> 00:57:50,720
Speaker 3: very insistent on her not moving till she was married.

1218
00:57:51,120 --> 00:57:55,080
Speaker 3: We regrettably compromised, and while she was allowed to move unmarried,

1219
00:57:55,520 --> 00:57:58,479
Speaker 3: we had to plan and have our wedding the same year.

1220
00:57:59,040 --> 00:58:02,320
Speaker 3: While we don't regret marrying, we do regret the circumstance

1221
00:58:02,400 --> 00:58:05,440
Speaker 3: that brought us to doing that so quickly and without

1222
00:58:05,480 --> 00:58:09,360
Speaker 3: the financial situation to really have an amazing wedding. We

1223
00:58:09,400 --> 00:58:11,480
Speaker 3: did our best to enjoy it, and to be fair,

1224
00:58:11,640 --> 00:58:14,800
Speaker 3: it wasn't a bad wedding by any means, aside from

1225
00:58:14,840 --> 00:58:18,200
Speaker 3: me dropping her during the dance, but we laughed that off.

1226
00:58:18,280 --> 00:58:21,600
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, if you play it off in a certain way,

1227
00:58:21,600 --> 00:58:24,720
Speaker 1: it could be okay, it's it's not hurt, yeah, asuas

1228
00:58:24,720 --> 00:58:26,120
Speaker 1: she's not injured, and be like, oh my god.

1229
00:58:26,840 --> 00:58:30,600
Speaker 3: We've been happily married, but have had to jump apartments

1230
00:58:30,720 --> 00:58:34,920
Speaker 3: twice since then due to financial situation and terrible owners

1231
00:58:35,240 --> 00:58:38,439
Speaker 3: We additionally had avoided trying for kids, as we both

1232
00:58:38,440 --> 00:58:40,920
Speaker 3: grew up in struggling households and didn't want to put

1233
00:58:40,920 --> 00:58:44,120
Speaker 3: our kids through that. But with things settling and an

1234
00:58:44,160 --> 00:58:46,720
Speaker 3: apartment that we can really start saving money in, we

1235
00:58:46,800 --> 00:58:50,240
Speaker 3: decided to try in the past year to no success

1236
00:58:50,280 --> 00:58:52,880
Speaker 3: so far, which I can tell is just one of

1237
00:58:52,960 --> 00:58:55,440
Speaker 3: the many things that have been bothering her so far.

1238
00:58:56,080 --> 00:58:59,240
Speaker 3: A little over a year ago, middle of Juneish, me

1239
00:58:59,400 --> 00:59:02,520
Speaker 3: and my wife were in a very difficult time. There

1240
00:59:02,600 --> 00:59:06,160
Speaker 3: was a lot of tension. I was unemployed, our finances

1241
00:59:06,160 --> 00:59:09,160
Speaker 3: were in the tank, problems with her family grew, and

1242
00:59:09,200 --> 00:59:12,880
Speaker 3: a decent amount of arguments occurred between us. During one day,

1243
00:59:12,960 --> 00:59:15,880
Speaker 3: after I had just become employed again, she approached me.

1244
00:59:16,440 --> 00:59:19,760
Speaker 3: She stated that she was considering a divorce and she

1245
00:59:19,920 --> 00:59:23,440
Speaker 3: was very unhappy in our relationship. I tried to understand

1246
00:59:23,480 --> 00:59:25,440
Speaker 3: what I could do to help make things right, and

1247
00:59:25,520 --> 00:59:29,120
Speaker 3: she mentioned how she had started to potentially develop feelings

1248
00:59:29,240 --> 00:59:30,160
Speaker 3: for another guy.

1249
00:59:30,400 --> 00:59:33,920
Speaker 1: Oh, She's like this isn't working, And you're like, how, Like,

1250
00:59:34,040 --> 00:59:37,480
Speaker 1: let's work on this, and she's like, actually not, I'm

1251
00:59:37,480 --> 00:59:38,439
Speaker 1: wanna go on someone else.

1252
00:59:38,960 --> 00:59:42,440
Speaker 3: Rough yea. Over the next week we talked more and

1253
00:59:42,480 --> 00:59:46,240
Speaker 3: she basically asked permission to explore this relationship further.

1254
00:59:46,400 --> 00:59:48,920
Speaker 1: And this is they've been married for how long.

1255
00:59:49,240 --> 00:59:51,600
Speaker 3: Since they rushed it in twenty twenty two, But they've

1256
00:59:51,640 --> 00:59:53,640
Speaker 3: known each other since twenty sixteen, with like a couple

1257
00:59:53,640 --> 00:59:54,160
Speaker 3: of years of.

1258
00:59:54,280 --> 00:59:56,360
Speaker 1: Not okay, so since twenty twenty two?

1259
00:59:56,600 --> 01:00:01,360
Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, but like back together talking against twenty gotcha,

1260
01:00:01,360 --> 01:00:04,320
Speaker 3: but married since twenty two Okay. Since I was unsure

1261
01:00:04,480 --> 01:00:07,280
Speaker 3: if our relationship would survive and I still held her

1262
01:00:07,320 --> 01:00:10,800
Speaker 3: in the highest respect, I allowed her to go ahead

1263
01:00:11,080 --> 01:00:14,840
Speaker 3: with seeing how compatible they really were. Oh, we had

1264
01:00:15,760 --> 01:00:19,480
Speaker 3: We had also discussed opening our relationship to possibly allow

1265
01:00:19,560 --> 01:00:22,439
Speaker 3: us to see other people while still committed to us.

1266
01:00:22,440 --> 01:00:25,280
Speaker 1: But we already know you guys aren't committed to each other, right,

1267
01:00:25,720 --> 01:00:30,160
Speaker 1: I like this, You can't open the relationship when you're

1268
01:00:30,160 --> 01:00:33,439
Speaker 1: already having problems. It doesn't it doesn't like ninety percent

1269
01:00:33,440 --> 01:00:34,800
Speaker 1: of the time, it's not gonna help fix it.

1270
01:00:35,040 --> 01:00:37,520
Speaker 3: And she came to you like, there's already someone else.

1271
01:00:38,000 --> 01:00:41,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I mean, like that's at that point the

1272
01:00:41,080 --> 01:00:43,320
Speaker 1: relationship is over if you say, yeah, you can go

1273
01:00:43,440 --> 01:00:44,640
Speaker 1: check out this other person.

1274
01:00:45,080 --> 01:00:48,040
Speaker 3: Within a month, she decided it wasn't going to work

1275
01:00:48,040 --> 01:00:50,080
Speaker 3: out with the other guy, and the thought of an

1276
01:00:50,120 --> 01:00:54,720
Speaker 3: open relationship wasn't something she wanted, and she dedicated herself

1277
01:00:54,760 --> 01:00:57,439
Speaker 3: to fixing what was going on in ours. A few

1278
01:00:57,480 --> 01:01:00,840
Speaker 3: weeks later and of August, I saw to thinking back

1279
01:01:00,840 --> 01:01:03,880
Speaker 3: on the open relationship idea. I could see my wife

1280
01:01:04,000 --> 01:01:06,560
Speaker 3: was still struggling with a lot, and brought back up

1281
01:01:06,640 --> 01:01:09,240
Speaker 3: the topic as if it was something she had wanted

1282
01:01:09,280 --> 01:01:11,080
Speaker 3: to do. I felt like I owed her.

1283
01:01:11,880 --> 01:01:12,880
Speaker 1: You guys are bad at this.

1284
01:01:13,880 --> 01:01:16,840
Speaker 3: She wasn't interested in the idea and felt a bit

1285
01:01:16,960 --> 01:01:19,880
Speaker 3: insecure over it. I would leave the offer there as

1286
01:01:19,880 --> 01:01:24,160
Speaker 3: a possibility until a few weeks later mid October, where

1287
01:01:24,200 --> 01:01:27,000
Speaker 3: I was sure she wasn't interested anymore and we went

1288
01:01:27,080 --> 01:01:30,840
Speaker 3: back to focusing on our own relationship. Over a month later,

1289
01:01:31,080 --> 01:01:34,280
Speaker 3: which is now the end of November, the conversation was

1290
01:01:34,320 --> 01:01:37,280
Speaker 3: brought back up as she had stated she was approached

1291
01:01:37,320 --> 01:01:40,840
Speaker 3: by someone she knew who mistook her friendly personality as

1292
01:01:40,880 --> 01:01:44,680
Speaker 3: flirting and in his mind he was getting very far

1293
01:01:44,760 --> 01:01:47,840
Speaker 3: with her. So, y'all are in an open relationship whenever

1294
01:01:47,880 --> 01:01:49,600
Speaker 3: your wife finds someone else hot.

1295
01:01:49,840 --> 01:01:53,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, he's like, well, I noticed that you're interested

1296
01:01:53,880 --> 01:01:55,840
Speaker 1: in that guy, so we can open it up again.

1297
01:01:56,120 --> 01:01:58,840
Speaker 1: I'm sure it'll help fix the relationship problems, right, And

1298
01:01:58,880 --> 01:02:00,680
Speaker 1: then he like her relationship?

1299
01:02:00,800 --> 01:02:02,880
Speaker 3: Yeah, they dumped her, and he's like, well, we can

1300
01:02:03,040 --> 01:02:04,120
Speaker 3: close it off again.

1301
01:02:04,360 --> 01:02:05,080
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1302
01:02:05,240 --> 01:02:07,640
Speaker 3: I had thought that we had moved past having an

1303
01:02:07,640 --> 01:02:11,320
Speaker 3: open relationship, so I was surprised and unsure how to respond.

1304
01:02:11,760 --> 01:02:15,040
Speaker 3: She had seemed so adamant that she wasn't interested in

1305
01:02:15,080 --> 01:02:17,640
Speaker 3: it that I had completely closed the door on it,

1306
01:02:17,960 --> 01:02:20,440
Speaker 3: and this time I put up a lot more resistance

1307
01:02:20,480 --> 01:02:23,520
Speaker 3: to it. Over the next week we'd talk again and

1308
01:02:23,600 --> 01:02:26,560
Speaker 3: she had brought up how throughout her teenage years she

1309
01:02:26,600 --> 01:02:29,520
Speaker 3: had thought she would never actually settle down and marry someone,

1310
01:02:30,200 --> 01:02:34,080
Speaker 3: and thought she'd bounce around different relationships as nobody really

1311
01:02:34,120 --> 01:02:37,400
Speaker 3: wanted her. Coming from a Christian household, she had no

1312
01:02:37,560 --> 01:02:41,160
Speaker 3: prior experiences than me, and that this second guy she

1313
01:02:41,240 --> 01:02:44,800
Speaker 3: really only viewed as an experience and nothing more. I

1314
01:02:44,920 --> 01:02:47,760
Speaker 3: resisted the idea, as I, who grew up in a

1315
01:02:47,880 --> 01:02:50,840
Speaker 3: non religious household but still grew up in the belief

1316
01:02:50,880 --> 01:02:54,520
Speaker 3: of marriage exclusivity, didn't think this was the way to go.

1317
01:02:55,280 --> 01:02:57,760
Speaker 3: This ended before the end of the year, as the

1318
01:02:57,800 --> 01:03:01,000
Speaker 3: guy wasn't the best kind of person and she recommitted

1319
01:03:01,080 --> 01:03:02,960
Speaker 3: to it just being us.

1320
01:03:03,480 --> 01:03:07,600
Speaker 1: This relationship is in a relationship, No, you can't just

1321
01:03:08,040 --> 01:03:11,560
Speaker 1: like you're You're not really married. No, you're on and

1322
01:03:11,600 --> 01:03:12,200
Speaker 1: off married.

1323
01:03:12,440 --> 01:03:13,520
Speaker 3: You're on and off married.

1324
01:03:13,640 --> 01:03:15,600
Speaker 1: That's how it works. It's top.

1325
01:03:16,200 --> 01:03:19,520
Speaker 3: Another month later, I still trapped in my head now

1326
01:03:19,560 --> 01:03:23,960
Speaker 3: and just desperately trying to make her happy again, resurfaced

1327
01:03:23,960 --> 01:03:27,080
Speaker 3: the idea, and it controlled let's see what would happen

1328
01:03:27,280 --> 01:03:28,160
Speaker 3: if this was a thing.

1329
01:03:28,440 --> 01:03:28,680
Speaker 1: Op.

1330
01:03:28,840 --> 01:03:31,840
Speaker 3: You sound like you want the open relationship, but she's

1331
01:03:31,880 --> 01:03:33,640
Speaker 3: the only one ever having.

1332
01:03:33,360 --> 01:03:36,240
Speaker 1: On like you're always bringing it up. You're like, well,

1333
01:03:36,280 --> 01:03:39,040
Speaker 1: I guess we can look into open relationship, but it's

1334
01:03:39,080 --> 01:03:42,520
Speaker 1: just her right going and like cheating with someone. And

1335
01:03:42,520 --> 01:03:46,200
Speaker 1: you're like, well, I didn't like it, but fine.

1336
01:03:46,240 --> 01:03:49,120
Speaker 3: And then he brings it up again. I brought up

1337
01:03:49,160 --> 01:03:52,120
Speaker 3: testing out certain things and seeing how we handle the

1338
01:03:52,160 --> 01:03:55,479
Speaker 3: whole thing in multiple forms. I brought it up more

1339
01:03:55,680 --> 01:03:58,440
Speaker 3: over the next several months, and we even engaged in

1340
01:03:58,480 --> 01:04:02,440
Speaker 3: conversation with a potential guy who would we test everything

1341
01:04:02,480 --> 01:04:07,600
Speaker 3: out with and exchanged photos only after she asked for permission,

1342
01:04:07,800 --> 01:04:11,640
Speaker 3: which I granted. This only lasted a few days as

1343
01:04:11,640 --> 01:04:15,640
Speaker 3: he started getting weird and had a very awkward schedule. Yeah,

1344
01:04:15,680 --> 01:04:18,800
Speaker 3: i'd be weirded out too if my girlfriend's husband was

1345
01:04:18,840 --> 01:04:20,000
Speaker 3: planning our dates.

1346
01:04:20,240 --> 01:04:22,440
Speaker 1: So strange she's like, oh, yeah, I'd love to take

1347
01:04:22,480 --> 01:04:26,680
Speaker 1: you out, and she's like, well.

1348
01:04:26,080 --> 01:04:27,320
Speaker 3: I'm sorry, what does that mean?

1349
01:04:27,600 --> 01:04:28,240
Speaker 1: I don't know.

1350
01:04:29,080 --> 01:04:31,160
Speaker 3: It's just him saying he's busy every time he hit

1351
01:04:31,240 --> 01:04:34,720
Speaker 3: him up. Additionally, she shot it down as she wasn't

1352
01:04:34,760 --> 01:04:38,200
Speaker 3: confident in her body and having grown up following God,

1353
01:04:38,440 --> 01:04:41,320
Speaker 3: didn't want to engage in something with someone who wasn't

1354
01:04:41,360 --> 01:04:42,000
Speaker 3: her husband.

1355
01:04:42,480 --> 01:04:43,840
Speaker 1: Huh, that's new.

1356
01:04:44,400 --> 01:04:47,960
Speaker 3: After another few months, we're now in April may I

1357
01:04:48,200 --> 01:04:50,920
Speaker 3: backed off as she just couldn't get comfortable in it.

1358
01:04:51,320 --> 01:04:53,919
Speaker 3: Why do you want your wife to date someone else?

1359
01:04:54,000 --> 01:04:58,040
Speaker 1: So bad? He's like trying to fix the problems in

1360
01:04:58,080 --> 01:05:01,480
Speaker 1: their relationship, and the only way he seems to know

1361
01:05:01,520 --> 01:05:05,920
Speaker 1: how is open relationship. Right, but it's clearly not working.

1362
01:05:06,200 --> 01:05:09,760
Speaker 1: You guys clearly are not meant to be together. It

1363
01:05:09,760 --> 01:05:11,040
Speaker 1: shouldn't be this. I don't know what.

1364
01:05:11,040 --> 01:05:11,680
Speaker 3: We'll fix this.

1365
01:05:11,800 --> 01:05:13,800
Speaker 1: I'll get you a boyfriend. I'll get you a boyfriend,

1366
01:05:13,880 --> 01:05:15,360
Speaker 1: and then our marriage will be fine.

1367
01:05:15,440 --> 01:05:18,919
Speaker 3: Yeah. In the last two weeks, the subject was brought

1368
01:05:19,000 --> 01:05:21,680
Speaker 3: up again as she was branching out trying to make

1369
01:05:21,800 --> 01:05:25,440
Speaker 3: new friends, and initially was concerned that if she started

1370
01:05:25,440 --> 01:05:27,960
Speaker 3: to get to know more people, she'd end up getting

1371
01:05:27,960 --> 01:05:32,000
Speaker 3: close and too close to someone, and it would start again.

1372
01:05:32,680 --> 01:05:35,000
Speaker 3: I told her I was happy she was making friends,

1373
01:05:35,200 --> 01:05:39,960
Speaker 3: but reiterated my hesitation of another possible relationship conflict. A

1374
01:05:40,000 --> 01:05:42,400
Speaker 3: few days later, she told me that she was developing

1375
01:05:42,480 --> 01:05:45,280
Speaker 3: feelings for one of the guys and wanted this time

1376
01:05:45,320 --> 01:05:48,960
Speaker 3: around for us to establish some ground rules for us

1377
01:05:49,000 --> 01:05:52,520
Speaker 3: to follow and hold each other accountable for the for following.

1378
01:05:52,960 --> 01:05:54,880
Speaker 3: I told her that I wasn't sure what to say.

1379
01:05:55,240 --> 01:05:58,000
Speaker 3: On the one hand, I didn't want an open relationship

1380
01:05:58,160 --> 01:06:00,720
Speaker 3: and I was just uncomfortable with the whole thing. But

1381
01:06:00,840 --> 01:06:03,200
Speaker 3: on the other I couldn't be the one to deny

1382
01:06:03,280 --> 01:06:06,200
Speaker 3: her something, as I felt like I owed her and

1383
01:06:06,840 --> 01:06:09,720
Speaker 3: just wanted her happy. In the end, I told her

1384
01:06:09,840 --> 01:06:12,280
Speaker 3: both of those things and stated that I'd have to

1385
01:06:12,320 --> 01:06:14,520
Speaker 3: think about it, but I did want her to keep

1386
01:06:14,520 --> 01:06:18,120
Speaker 3: me informed about things as they were happening. Two days ago,

1387
01:06:18,200 --> 01:06:20,960
Speaker 3: we were talking about what restrictions we intended to have.

1388
01:06:21,560 --> 01:06:24,160
Speaker 3: I'll get to that in a second, and she said

1389
01:06:24,240 --> 01:06:27,320
Speaker 3: she had forgot to tell me, but that she and

1390
01:06:27,440 --> 01:06:30,160
Speaker 3: him had sent pictures to each other as things had

1391
01:06:30,200 --> 01:06:33,400
Speaker 3: gotten out of hand. One night, while I understand I

1392
01:06:33,520 --> 01:06:36,840
Speaker 3: was asleep when it happened, so she obviously couldn't tell me.

1393
01:06:36,920 --> 01:06:39,720
Speaker 3: Then I was a bit hurt she forgot to tell

1394
01:06:39,720 --> 01:06:41,120
Speaker 3: me till I brought it up.

1395
01:06:41,160 --> 01:06:43,960
Speaker 1: She didn't forget to tell you. She did not unless

1396
01:06:43,960 --> 01:06:47,160
Speaker 1: she forgot about your existence, which is possible. She didn't

1397
01:06:47,200 --> 01:06:49,400
Speaker 1: forget to tell you, she just didn't tell you.

1398
01:06:50,000 --> 01:06:53,360
Speaker 3: I'm just confused by this whole thing. I laid out

1399
01:06:53,400 --> 01:06:56,640
Speaker 3: my list of things I wanted to see more activities

1400
01:06:56,800 --> 01:07:01,960
Speaker 3: where were both included open, honest and clear communication, the

1401
01:07:02,040 --> 01:07:05,720
Speaker 3: request for us to avoid traveling long distances unless both

1402
01:07:05,720 --> 01:07:09,240
Speaker 3: of us went, and the ability to meet whomever she's

1403
01:07:09,280 --> 01:07:12,640
Speaker 3: thinking about talking to or is. Things I didn't want

1404
01:07:12,680 --> 01:07:18,440
Speaker 3: to see relationships that aren't ours, disrespect from any potential partner,

1405
01:07:19,040 --> 01:07:22,120
Speaker 3: us to be separated for long periods of time, and

1406
01:07:22,280 --> 01:07:25,400
Speaker 3: to avoid language with someone that would seem possessive but

1407
01:07:25,600 --> 01:07:30,280
Speaker 3: understand accidents happen. I again reiterated how I was uncomfortable

1408
01:07:30,320 --> 01:07:32,760
Speaker 3: by the whole thing, but was trying to push past

1409
01:07:32,840 --> 01:07:36,000
Speaker 3: that for her. And while almost every time I have

1410
01:07:36,040 --> 01:07:39,320
Speaker 3: brought something up, she had agreed or made little tweaks

1411
01:07:39,320 --> 01:07:42,960
Speaker 3: to it, which I still found agreeable. After a little while,

1412
01:07:43,120 --> 01:07:46,240
Speaker 3: she starts to partially or completely disagree with some of

1413
01:07:46,280 --> 01:07:48,560
Speaker 3: them and were back to square one.

1414
01:07:49,280 --> 01:07:52,800
Speaker 1: My god, yeah, I need you guys to back out

1415
01:07:52,840 --> 01:07:57,280
Speaker 1: of this relationship. I need you guys to break up divorce. Yeah,

1416
01:07:57,320 --> 01:08:00,600
Speaker 1: because it's terrible. It's been terrible to say whole time.

1417
01:08:00,840 --> 01:08:02,400
Speaker 1: She doesn't want to be in a relationship with you.

1418
01:08:02,560 --> 01:08:04,480
Speaker 1: She wants to date like all of these other guys.

1419
01:08:04,840 --> 01:08:07,280
Speaker 3: But in the same hand, he's the one that keeps.

1420
01:08:07,080 --> 01:08:10,480
Speaker 1: Breaking it up exactly exactly. She's like, I don't know,

1421
01:08:10,560 --> 01:08:12,080
Speaker 1: I don't know if I want to do that. He's like, no, no, no,

1422
01:08:12,200 --> 01:08:14,080
Speaker 1: you should do it. And then she's like, I think

1423
01:08:14,120 --> 01:08:15,880
Speaker 1: I want to open the relationship and he's like, I

1424
01:08:16,000 --> 01:08:17,720
Speaker 1: was very resistant to it.

1425
01:08:17,720 --> 01:08:21,880
Speaker 3: It's but I decided that now I'm done, and now

1426
01:08:21,960 --> 01:08:25,040
Speaker 3: I don't want it. When we had married, I told her,

1427
01:08:25,200 --> 01:08:28,479
Speaker 3: at her request, that I would develop my faith and

1428
01:08:28,520 --> 01:08:30,919
Speaker 3: that we'd try to raise our kids in a Christian

1429
01:08:31,000 --> 01:08:34,559
Speaker 3: household like she had been. Now a little more recently,

1430
01:08:34,840 --> 01:08:38,240
Speaker 3: she stated she felt trapped under that belief and wants

1431
01:08:38,280 --> 01:08:42,360
Speaker 3: to have a more unrestrictive upbringing for our children like

1432
01:08:42,479 --> 01:08:45,320
Speaker 3: I had, and she always felt like the rebel of

1433
01:08:45,360 --> 01:08:48,840
Speaker 3: her family. She has continued to state that these would

1434
01:08:49,080 --> 01:08:53,360
Speaker 3: not be separate relationships, more like friends with benefits, and

1435
01:08:53,400 --> 01:08:55,960
Speaker 3: we'd still only be in a relationship with each other.

1436
01:08:56,520 --> 01:08:57,439
Speaker 1: We're not wanting.

1437
01:08:57,320 --> 01:09:01,120
Speaker 3: Children or anything else with anyone else aside from each other.

1438
01:09:01,640 --> 01:09:04,320
Speaker 3: In the end, it's something she really wants and something

1439
01:09:04,400 --> 01:09:07,160
Speaker 3: I just don't think I can support. During it all,

1440
01:09:07,280 --> 01:09:10,120
Speaker 3: I never asked about me searching other women or wanting

1441
01:09:10,160 --> 01:09:13,679
Speaker 3: to explore things myself. Neither of us want a divorce,

1442
01:09:13,800 --> 01:09:16,160
Speaker 3: and we're still very interested in each other. Didn't know

1443
01:09:16,200 --> 01:09:18,240
Speaker 3: if this start with her asking for a divorce.

1444
01:09:18,400 --> 01:09:21,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, it did. She said, I don't think this is working.

1445
01:09:21,080 --> 01:09:23,000
Speaker 1: We need a divorce, and he said, well, we could

1446
01:09:23,040 --> 01:09:25,160
Speaker 1: open we could try this new t we could try

1447
01:09:25,160 --> 01:09:27,439
Speaker 1: this new thing that you know I've heard about opening

1448
01:09:27,439 --> 01:09:28,120
Speaker 1: the relationship.

1449
01:09:28,200 --> 01:09:31,120
Speaker 3: You'll just date everyone you want, and I'll be sad

1450
01:09:31,120 --> 01:09:31,479
Speaker 3: about it.

1451
01:09:31,640 --> 01:09:33,800
Speaker 1: I'll be sad and I'll be upset about it every

1452
01:09:33,840 --> 01:09:37,000
Speaker 1: time you do it, but I'll bring it up. Don't worry.

1453
01:09:37,400 --> 01:09:41,920
Speaker 1: It's gonna work so well. You won't want a divorce anymore. Yeah.

1454
01:09:41,960 --> 01:09:44,760
Speaker 3: Also, I do not want anyone to bad mouth her

1455
01:09:44,800 --> 01:09:48,679
Speaker 3: in the comments. While there's tension, she still is my wife,

1456
01:09:48,720 --> 01:09:51,439
Speaker 3: and I'll protect her every step of the way. We

1457
01:09:51,479 --> 01:09:52,519
Speaker 3: have another update.

1458
01:09:53,040 --> 01:09:57,519
Speaker 1: Ah, stop updating us, just divorce. If this update isn't

1459
01:09:57,560 --> 01:09:59,519
Speaker 1: we got divorced. I don't want to hear about it.

1460
01:10:00,080 --> 01:10:02,800
Speaker 3: Oh. Almost as soon as I posted it, she woke

1461
01:10:02,920 --> 01:10:07,040
Speaker 3: up and we began to talk. We have agreed couple's

1462
01:10:07,080 --> 01:10:10,519
Speaker 3: therapy would definitely be the best course of action. As

1463
01:10:10,560 --> 01:10:13,440
Speaker 3: some of you put in here, we have some comments

1464
01:10:13,680 --> 01:10:17,120
Speaker 3: comment or one seems like she is asking for permission

1465
01:10:17,120 --> 01:10:20,160
Speaker 3: to cheat. All the back and forth. Seems like she's

1466
01:10:20,280 --> 01:10:23,800
Speaker 3: only interested in opening things up when someone's pursuing her,

1467
01:10:24,320 --> 01:10:27,839
Speaker 3: and it closes immediately, So you can't allow the idea

1468
01:10:27,920 --> 01:10:31,600
Speaker 3: of being able to pursue someone else into your head. Personally,

1469
01:10:31,680 --> 01:10:34,600
Speaker 3: I feel like she's either incredibly insecure and loves the

1470
01:10:34,640 --> 01:10:37,479
Speaker 3: attention from other guys but doesn't want to lose you

1471
01:10:37,520 --> 01:10:41,760
Speaker 3: in the process, or she's incredibly manipulative and has made

1472
01:10:41,840 --> 01:10:45,000
Speaker 3: you think it's your idea for letting her bang someone else.

1473
01:10:45,439 --> 01:10:47,559
Speaker 3: I'd say you need to see couple's therapy with a

1474
01:10:47,640 --> 01:10:51,400
Speaker 3: spicy sleep positive therapist so she can be comfortable with

1475
01:10:51,520 --> 01:10:54,160
Speaker 3: telling you exactly what she needs in the bedroom to

1476
01:10:54,240 --> 01:10:56,960
Speaker 3: get this out of her system. But the going back

1477
01:10:57,000 --> 01:10:59,760
Speaker 3: and forth was getting old just reading it, so I

1478
01:10:59,800 --> 01:11:01,599
Speaker 3: can only imagine how you feel.

1479
01:11:02,160 --> 01:11:04,519
Speaker 1: Uh, that's the end, and there we have it.

1480
01:11:05,160 --> 01:11:06,160
Speaker 3: There we have it.

1481
01:11:06,320 --> 01:11:07,120
Speaker 1: There we have it.

1482
01:11:08,360 --> 01:11:11,200
Speaker 3: I mean, sure, tricouples therapy. I don't know that that's

1483
01:11:11,280 --> 01:11:12,360
Speaker 3: what y'all need anymore.

1484
01:11:12,439 --> 01:11:15,360
Speaker 1: But yeah, it's a solution. I don't know if it's

1485
01:11:15,360 --> 01:11:16,000
Speaker 1: the best solution.

1486
01:11:16,479 --> 01:11:18,960
Speaker 3: I think it may just lead you guys to divorce.

1487
01:11:19,120 --> 01:11:22,240
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like, oh, wait, we have a terrible relationship

1488
01:11:22,280 --> 01:11:26,920
Speaker 1: we don't like isn't working at all. I get it now,