Speaker 1: Hey, this is Stephen Ferdick.
Speaker 2: I'm the pastor of Elevation Church and this is our podcast.
Speaker 2: I wanted to thank you for joining us today.
Speaker 1: Hope this inspires you. Hope it builds your faith.
Speaker 2: Hope it gives your perspective to see God is moving
Speaker 2: in your life. Enjoy the message, and I feel so
Speaker 2: energized about this new teaching series called The Other Half.
Speaker 2: We're going to talk about your relationships. How many are
Speaker 2: excited to talk about your relationships?
Speaker 1: Take a moment if you wouldn't pity me? Would you
Speaker 1: pity me?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Because how would you like to speak about relationships
Speaker 2: to a room this diverse?
Speaker 1: Would you enjoy that? You want to trade places? Because
Speaker 1: I know, I know I've.
Speaker 2: Been doing this a while now. I know I look
Speaker 2: twenty three, but I've been doing this for a minute,
Speaker 2: and I know everybody has a different kind of reaction.
Speaker 2: We're going to talk about relationships four weeks and then
Speaker 2: some people say, well, i'll see you in five.
Speaker 1: Am I sending through that?
Speaker 2: You know? Because really, really they do. Some people have
Speaker 2: been through painful, terribly painful relationship situations, and you almost
Speaker 2: think you can predict what the preacher might have to
Speaker 2: say about relationships before he even says it. So single
Speaker 2: people are already judging me before I even start my sermon.
Speaker 1: Hear me gown okay, and then they tell me to wait,
Speaker 1: wait for the one.
Speaker 2: Then i'm you know, and if i'm if he hasn't
Speaker 2: come in my life yet, I'm not ready.
Speaker 1: And though my roommate was totally less ready than me.
Speaker 3: She I don't say anything about you know, tell me
Speaker 3: not to have sex and sex and when you get
Speaker 3: a disease and go to hell and I die.
Speaker 2: But what I'm gonna do, I'm going to go straight
Speaker 2: to the Bible, and then if you don't like what
Speaker 2: I have to say, you can take.
Speaker 1: It up with my boss, turning your Bible.
Speaker 2: To Matthew chapter six, verse thirty one. And we want
Speaker 2: to get into this series today called the Other Half.
Speaker 2: If I were to ask you the question are you
Speaker 2: in a relationship and your hand didn't go up, you
Speaker 2: misunderstand the very nature of what we intend to communicate.
Speaker 2: This series is for everyone. Would you touch your neighbor
Speaker 2: and say this is totally for you.
Speaker 1: When we do it, we'll talk a little bit about.
Speaker 2: If you're married, that's important, but there is half of
Speaker 2: the church that isn't married. Statistics say half of marriages
Speaker 2: and in divorce.
Speaker 1: And let's be honest.
Speaker 2: If we don't have our relationship with God right, our
Speaker 2: relationship with ourself right, we're never gonna have our relationship
Speaker 2: with others. Right. So I hope you'll just listen with
Speaker 2: an open mind today and let me pick up in
Speaker 2: Matthew chapter six, verse thirty one. I'm probably partial to
Speaker 2: this scripture. My dad loved the Sermon on the Mount
Speaker 2: and he would read it every morning. So he challenged
Speaker 2: me to memorize. And I memorize some of it, but
Speaker 2: he memorized the whole thing. I didn't memorize the whole thing.
Speaker 2: But I like this part in Matthew chapter six, verse
Speaker 2: thirty one. And I never really saw it as a
Speaker 2: relationship scripture.
Speaker 1: But now that I read it in this season of
Speaker 1: my life, I.
Speaker 2: See that it's nothing if not a relationship scripture. It
Speaker 2: is all about intimacy and provision. And you'll see what
Speaker 2: I mean. Jesus speaking says, so do not worry saying
Speaker 2: what shall we eat, or what shall we drink, or
Speaker 2: what shall we wear? For the pagans, people who don't
Speaker 2: even know God run after all these things, and your
Speaker 2: heavenly Father knows that you need them.
Speaker 1: Somebody, say God knows what I need.
Speaker 2: And tell your neighbor too, in case they've been staying
Speaker 2: up stressing about things that are outside of their control.
Speaker 2: Tell them God knows what you need. God knows what
Speaker 2: you need. And that's a good thing to say. Anytime
Speaker 2: in your life you feel like that you don't have enough,
Speaker 2: or you don't have what you want, or you don't
Speaker 2: have what others have, just remind yourself over and over
Speaker 2: again that God knows what I need.
Speaker 1: Now.
Speaker 2: Sometimes the reason that we can't receive his provision in
Speaker 2: some areas of our life is because we don't have
Speaker 2: our priorities aligned. And sometimes what we interpret as a
Speaker 2: lack of provision on God's part is a lack of
Speaker 2: prioritization on ours. Can I go further, so, he says,
Speaker 2: seek first thirty three his kingdom and his righteousness, and
Speaker 2: all these things will be given to you as well.
Speaker 2: God says, when you align your heart with my heart
Speaker 2: and your plans with my purposes, I will give you
Speaker 2: the things that the rest of the world has to
Speaker 2: grasp for. I will give you the peace that millionaires
Speaker 2: can't buy, I will give you. Come on, somebody, Every
Speaker 2: good and perfect gift comes from above. And because I'm
Speaker 2: in relationship with God, I have access to everything that
Speaker 2: I need to be who He's called me to be,
Speaker 2: to do what He's called me to do. And so
Speaker 2: knowing these things, I seek first his kingdom and his righteousness,
Speaker 2: and all these other factors will be taken care.
Speaker 1: Of by my father.
Speaker 2: I mean, sometimes when I'm preaching, I just get into
Speaker 2: it myself and I forget you there. Therefore, therefore, do
Speaker 2: not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.
Speaker 2: Each day has trouble of its own. Now, the people
Speaker 2: that wrote the scriptures didn't put a chapter marker here,
Speaker 2: so I'm going to keep going on in chapter seven
Speaker 2: because it says here that this is a new chapter.
Speaker 1: But to me, it's the same thought.
Speaker 2: And this verse that comes next, this is the verse
Speaker 2: that everybody who smokes weed likes to quote. Do not judge,
Speaker 2: or you too will be judged, for in the same
Speaker 2: way you judge others, I just woke them up uptown.
Speaker 1: In the same way you judge others, you will be judged.
Speaker 2: And with the measure you use, it will be measured
Speaker 2: to you. Why you look at the speck of sawdust
Speaker 2: in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the
Speaker 2: plank in your own eye? How can you say to
Speaker 2: your brother, or your wife, or your husband, whoever, your boss,
Speaker 2: your kid, how can you say, let me take the
Speaker 2: speck out of your eye. Well, all the time there's
Speaker 2: a plank in your own eye. You hypocrite, First the
Speaker 2: plank out your own eye, then you will see clearly
Speaker 2: to remove the speck from your brother's eye.
Speaker 1: Do not give dogs what is sacred.
Speaker 2: I'm speaking to somebody right now who is selling yourself
Speaker 2: short and lowering and compromising. Your Jesus said, do not
Speaker 2: throw your pearls to pigs. Maybe you need to send
Speaker 2: a text to that guy before you leave church today
Speaker 2: and say, give me my pearls back. Don't even explain
Speaker 2: it or put a verse by it, but you'll know
Speaker 2: what it means. If you do, they may trample them
Speaker 2: under their feet and turn in tear you to pieces.
Speaker 2: I'll finish with verse seven, because we got to stop somewhere.
Speaker 2: Ask and it will be given to you. Seek and
Speaker 2: you will find. Knock and the door will be opened
Speaker 2: to you. I want to call this message fix your Focus,
Speaker 2: because I believe that the only thing you are ever
Speaker 2: always in control of is your focus. So many factors
Speaker 2: in your life are beyond your control, but one thing
Speaker 2: you can always control, if you learn how to do it,
Speaker 2: and if you're committed to it, is your focus. I
Speaker 2: think that many relationships fail not because of a loss
Speaker 2: of love, but because of a loss of focus. That
Speaker 2: would be one of the reasons that a church fails
Speaker 2: as well, while we're at it.
Speaker 1: Is that you lose your focus.
Speaker 2: When you stop caring about what God cares about, God
Speaker 2: will no longer back you in your endeavor. And so
Speaker 2: sometimes what we call failure is really just.
Speaker 1: Broken focus.
Speaker 2: It's the reason why the passion that exists in some
Speaker 2: parts of relationships when it's getting started, tends to leak,
Speaker 2: and you wonder where it went. It wasn't necessarily that
Speaker 2: you lost the love. You lost the focus. It's very
Speaker 2: difficult to keep that first love focus in any relationship.
Speaker 2: I think Jesus is calling us back to focus. If
Speaker 2: you'll notice the bread on the sandwich from the little
Speaker 2: passage that we just read, Both of them start with
Speaker 2: seeking seek first, his kingdom, ask and it will be
Speaker 2: given to you. Seek and you will find on both
Speaker 2: ends of this passage where Jesus is speaking on several
Speaker 2: different subjects. Is this idea of focus, especially in our culture.
Speaker 2: I think the focus when it comes to our relationship
Speaker 2: tends to be a little broken. When I say that
Speaker 2: it's broken, I mean that it's misplaced and misleading. Sometimes
Speaker 2: we're so focused.
Speaker 1: On falling in love.
Speaker 2: That we are very uneducated about the process of staying
Speaker 2: in love. Talk to me anytime you want to. And
Speaker 2: there's a romantic notion that is reinforce with every romantic
Speaker 2: comedy that the falling part is where the excitement is.
Speaker 2: I was looking at an article getting ready for this
Speaker 2: series where the author said there's a reason that fairy
Speaker 2: tales end in marriage because nobody wants to see what
Speaker 2: happens next. Nobody wants to talk about the other half.
Speaker 2: So today, as I open this series, and it really
Speaker 2: will get better every week, I hope that you'll bear
Speaker 2: with me today as I lay a sort of foundation.
Speaker 2: I want to talk about four decisions of focus that
Speaker 2: you are making every area in your life. And I
Speaker 2: know that some of you should be teaching the marriage
Speaker 2: seminar all of you patron saints of marriage, been doing
Speaker 2: it thirty and forty years and all of that. I'm
Speaker 2: not quite on your level yet. I just celebrated my
Speaker 2: fourteenth year. And while somebody's clapping for that, somebody else's.
Speaker 1: Life ain't nothing married longer than you've been alive.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna let some whip or snapper and some skinny
Speaker 2: motocross jeans talk to me.
Speaker 1: Type Jens up here trying to tell me how you
Speaker 1: married it.
Speaker 2: But regardless of the stage of the relationship, it requires
Speaker 2: a certain kind of focus. That's all I want to
Speaker 2: talk about today. So I want to lay out four areas.
Speaker 2: I want you to take notice. Everybody write something down.
Speaker 2: If you never written, write anything down because they don't
Speaker 2: love God and don't care about his word. Now watch this.
Speaker 2: The first area you got to decide. You got to
Speaker 2: decide your focus. Because you can always decide your focus.
Speaker 2: You can't always decide about all the factors. You can't
Speaker 2: always decide if somebody's gonna stay with you or leave.
Speaker 2: You can't always decide if somebody's gonna ask you out.
Speaker 2: You can always deide if they're gonna to tuch a back,
Speaker 2: but you can always decide your focus. So is your
Speaker 2: focus number one on finding or becoming?
Speaker 1: Finding or becoming?
Speaker 2: Jesus said, seek first the kingdom and the others we'll
Speaker 2: move into position. But if you seek first the other stuff,
Speaker 2: then you will have no center of gravity for the
Speaker 2: stuff to revolve around. So it's important that your focus
Speaker 2: is not I've been teaching this for years, man. I
Speaker 2: used to go around to youth camps and I would
Speaker 2: teach dating seminar and I would say, you know, it's
Speaker 2: not an original quote from me, but I'll say it
Speaker 2: all the time because I think it's true. Happiness isn't
Speaker 2: finding the right person. Happiness is being the right person.
Speaker 2: I'll take it further, since your applause is so tepid.
Speaker 2: If you find the right person and you are not
Speaker 2: the right person, what do you think you're going to
Speaker 2: do to that poor right person? Now, I'm not suggesting, please,
Speaker 2: I'm not suggesting that if you're not married or something
Speaker 2: like that is because you're not ready yet. Because all
Speaker 2: we have to do to disprove that stupid theory is
Speaker 2: to look at some of the people who are married.
Speaker 1: So mary doesn't equal ready.
Speaker 2: Okay, I could offer you many examples of that, starting
Speaker 2: with myself. But what I am saying is that it
Speaker 2: is important to God. It as important to God that
Speaker 2: you have the right people in your life. But the
Speaker 2: only way you're going to have the right people in
Speaker 2: your life is if you will be the right person
Speaker 2: in your heart. That's the only way. That's the only
Speaker 2: way you're even going to attract them to begin with.
Speaker 1: And that's the only thing you can control.
Speaker 2: I can always can control whether this person comes into
Speaker 2: my life, but I can control the kind of person
Speaker 2: that I am. You know how you have little memories
Speaker 2: from your childhood that are so random that you wonder
Speaker 2: how they're still up there from all these years, and
Speaker 2: you kind of wish you could delete them, because honestly,
Speaker 2: you need that space for more important things like your
Speaker 2: children's names and stuff that you forget sometimes. But I
Speaker 2: have a memory. I don't know why. I remember in
Speaker 2: sixth grade they gave us the Berkeley County Writing Test.
Speaker 1: I remember the prompt of the.
Speaker 2: Berkeley County Writing Test when I was in the sixth grade,
Speaker 2: almost word for word. Pretend that you are on an adventure,
Speaker 2: or they called it a journey with your friend, and
Speaker 2: on this adventure, or journey.
Speaker 1: You come across a.
Speaker 2: Valuable, unusual object, describe the object. A couple weeks later,
Speaker 2: the teacher walked in with all of our writing tests
Speaker 2: and made an announcement.
Speaker 1: She said, I've never had this happen.
Speaker 2: Before in however many years of teaching, but every single
Speaker 2: one of you failed the Berkeley County writing test.
Speaker 1: We laughed. She said, it's not a joke.
Speaker 2: She said.
Speaker 1: You wrote beautiful essays. You went into.
Speaker 2: Great detail elaborating on the journey with your friends, but
Speaker 2: that was not the writing prompt. The writing prompt was
Speaker 2: not to describe the journey. The writing prompt was to
Speaker 2: describe the object. All of you wrote essays about walking
Speaker 2: through the woods with your friends. Some of you traveled
Speaker 2: across the seas with your friends. Some of you flew
Speaker 2: through space with your friends. It was highly entertaining, but
Speaker 2: none of you described the object.
Speaker 1: The object of relationship, the.
Speaker 2: Object of love, is not that somebody else would complete you.
Speaker 2: I'm sorry, Renee Zellwegger, but you got it wrong. Your
Speaker 2: line was touching. It just wasn't true. Jerry didn't complete
Speaker 2: you touch your neighbors. Say you can't complete me. Say
Speaker 2: we teach this stuff no wonder are single people cut
Speaker 2: their fists up ready to fight me when I want
Speaker 2: to preach about marriage, because the way we preach.
Speaker 1: It and teach it, we teach it like until you
Speaker 1: get married, your life hasn't started. I only got one
Speaker 1: question to ask you. If that's true, how can you
Speaker 1: worship Jesus.
Speaker 2: We worship a.
Speaker 1: Guy who stayed single till they killed him, saying you
Speaker 1: have to stay single and to be like Jesus. I'm
Speaker 1: like hypocritic to say that, but I'm saying. I'm saying
Speaker 1: if Paul would have.
Speaker 2: Waited to fulfill his purpose until he had somebody to
Speaker 2: complete him, we wouldn't.
Speaker 1: Have twenty three percent of a New Testament. And we
Speaker 1: teach it wrong. We teach it wrong. I've taught it wrong.
Speaker 1: We teach it wrong.
Speaker 2: In the Book of Genesis, God's describing marriage. You talking
Speaker 2: about Adam, and even he says that you know, the
Speaker 2: man shall leave his father and mother and go be
Speaker 2: with his wife, and it says that the two will
Speaker 2: become one.
Speaker 1: Let me tell you what it doesn't say.
Speaker 2: It doesn't say the halves will become whole. But yet
Speaker 2: we teach it and we treat it, and we expected
Speaker 2: like the halves are gonna become whole. But I found
Speaker 2: out if you go into a marriage half the two halves.
Speaker 1: Are gonna make hell, not whole.
Speaker 2: It's great preaching, Pastor seen it.
Speaker 1: That's very true, Pastor. So what is your focus?
Speaker 2: Eric, my best my best friend world is here. I mean,
Speaker 2: Holly is my best friend, but this is my best
Speaker 2: my best friend. This is a guy other than my
Speaker 2: son's one of my friends.
Speaker 1: Eric is here. He's uh.
Speaker 2: He's been my buddy since since high school, really since
Speaker 2: middle school. We got in trouble together and Eric still
Speaker 2: saved most days. And he he came over to my
Speaker 2: house the other day we were gonna work out, and
Speaker 2: he was all drumpy and sluggish and everything.
Speaker 1: I said, what's wrong with you? Man?
Speaker 2: He said, well, he said, these I've been.
Speaker 1: Up since four am. I said why.
Speaker 2: He said, these kids, these punk kids in my neighborhood
Speaker 2: and ringing my doorbell in the middle of the night.
Speaker 1: They've done it ten times. He said, I'm gonna catch them. Though,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna catch them.
Speaker 2: I had I had a.
Speaker 1: Camera on my doorbell.
Speaker 2: There's I put a camera in my doorbell, and I'm
Speaker 2: gonna catch them.
Speaker 1: But these kids are smart man, smart punks.
Speaker 2: They came up. They covered the camera on the doorbell
Speaker 2: ring from the side.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna catch them, but I stopped in at ask
Speaker 1: them a question.
Speaker 2: I think it's a good question, I said, And what
Speaker 2: will you do when you catch them? And that good
Speaker 2: question if somebody's looking for a woman or looking for
Speaker 2: a man, what will you do.
Speaker 1: If you catch them?
Speaker 2: But we are so focused on the catching that we
Speaker 2: don't even pay attention to the commitment.
Speaker 1: That is required back when I.
Speaker 2: Note, so what is your focus? Is it what you
Speaker 2: can control, which is what God is doing in your life,
Speaker 2: or is it finding?
Speaker 1: You know you? I got to find a woman, then
Speaker 1: you got to find a ring.
Speaker 2: Then you got to find some money, and you got
Speaker 2: to find a date to get married and a place
Speaker 2: to get married. Everybody can come to that, all on
Speaker 2: the same date, working out continents, different continents, people coming
Speaker 2: together from all these different places in the world. And
Speaker 2: got to find the dresses for the bridesmade something that
Speaker 2: they'll all wear and won't complain about then look good against.
Speaker 1: Their skin tone.
Speaker 2: And you got to find a house and find a job,
Speaker 2: and finding finding finding finding, finding finding finding finding You
Speaker 2: see the pattern here. But God said, while all of
Speaker 2: that has its place, if you will focus on becoming.
Speaker 2: Remember he said, the two will become one.
Speaker 1: That's the focus. What are you becoming? It's a good
Speaker 1: question to ask.
Speaker 2: Another thing that Jesus mentions is our tendency to live
Speaker 2: in another time. So let me ask my second focus question.
Speaker 2: Are you focused on then or now?
Speaker 1: Then or now?
Speaker 2: He said, don't worry about tomorrow, not because you don't
Speaker 2: have the tendency to, or not because it isn't reasonable to,
Speaker 2: just because it doesn't work.
Speaker 1: You know the Corey ten Boom quote.
Speaker 2: You may not know that she said it, but she
Speaker 2: said that worried does not empty tomorrow of it sorrow.
Speaker 2: It only empties today of it strength. And I believe
Speaker 2: that while we've talked so much about the importance of
Speaker 2: not living in your past and the danger of living
Speaker 2: in yesterday, I certainly think that a lot of relationships
Speaker 2: are sabotaged by things that happened before they ever began,
Speaker 2: that weren't dealt with, And so we project onto other
Speaker 2: people trust issues that were developed because of another person's actions,
Speaker 2: and start saying things to somebody that we just met,
Speaker 2: like who's texting you, and it's not that you ever
Speaker 2: caught him doing anything. It's just that it's been done
Speaker 2: to you before. And so now your word, you're bringing
Speaker 2: the past into the present, and that's dangerous. You got
Speaker 2: to deal with that stuff. However, because my text led
Speaker 2: me here, I was a little bit more fascinated with
Speaker 2: this idea of how many of us live not in
Speaker 2: the past, but in the future. Jesus said, don't worry
Speaker 2: about tomorrow, and it is equally important that we don't
Speaker 2: wish away today waiting for tomorrow to come.
Speaker 1: Tomorrow is a sexy place to vacation in your mind.
Speaker 2: Because it's totally imaginary. Tomorrow is a wonderful place to
Speaker 2: visit in your mind. It brings hope into the present.
Speaker 2: I think it's cool to have a vision for the future,
Speaker 2: you know. I think it's cool to think I had
Speaker 2: plan ahead Iras and all of that.
Speaker 1: I'm a big fan.
Speaker 2: But I do think at the same time, you can't
Speaker 2: live there. But it's so nice to you know, it
Speaker 2: is so freeing from the constraints of my current struggle,
Speaker 2: which is so real. There's a shuttle myself to tomorrow.
Speaker 4: Tomorrow. I love you Tomorrow. See how good it sounds
Speaker 4: it is, I love you tomorrow.
Speaker 2: You never hear anybody saying today.
Speaker 1: See, it doesn't even sound.
Speaker 2: As good, does it. It doesn't even have the same cadence today.
Speaker 4: Today, I hate you.
Speaker 2: Today, I wish you would go away. But tomorrow, tomorrow,
Speaker 2: it's gonna be better tomorrow because my kids aren't gonna
Speaker 2: be in diapers tomorrow. My kids are gonna be out
Speaker 2: of high school tomorrow. I'm be an empty nester tomorrow
Speaker 2: about my identity around my kids tomorrow. You know, my
Speaker 2: spouse any aren't tomorrow.
Speaker 1: It's about focus. It's about focus, and the.
Speaker 2: Only way, the only way till tomorrow is through today.
Speaker 2: So you got to live there. You got to live there.
Speaker 2: You can't do it like well, you know, if I
Speaker 2: had a man, and I know that's easy for me
Speaker 2: to say, I know us whatever is easy for me
Speaker 2: to say, But it's kind of easy for you single
Speaker 2: people to tell us what marriage is like too, all right,
Speaker 2: So we could all have a decent conversation, all right,
Speaker 2: And by the way, I would just put it out
Speaker 2: there to any of us who are married or single.
Speaker 2: Let's talk within the realm of what we know, not
Speaker 2: in the realm of what we think somebody. Have you
Speaker 2: ever noticed how easy it is for you to give
Speaker 2: advice when you're looking at what's in somebody else's I
Speaker 2: Jesus shifts gears in this teaching, and he's going from
Speaker 2: comfort to challenge, and God is good at both. So
Speaker 2: he says, hey, I got you.
Speaker 1: I know what you need.
Speaker 2: You don't need somebody to complete You are already the
Speaker 2: total package. You don't need clothes or food, any of
Speaker 2: these things. I know what you need, and you're good
Speaker 2: in my sight. And your life doesn't begin when the
Speaker 2: next stage starts. It starts right now, So don't worry
Speaker 2: about it now. Don't judge just out of nowhere. What's
Speaker 2: your focus? Is your focus on what is not or
Speaker 2: what you've got. Everything I've preached to you has been
Speaker 2: leading up to this point. So it's about to get good.
Speaker 1: Touch your neighbor and tell them wake up.
Speaker 2: This is the part I want to show you, real quick,
Speaker 2: the two most important tools in any relationship. This is, incidentally,
Speaker 2: the only time you will ever see me carrying one
Speaker 2: of these.
Speaker 1: For illustrative purposes.
Speaker 2: One time Elijah saw me, he was about seven, and
Speaker 2: he saw me pull out my little toolbox. About that
Speaker 2: big And he said, Daddy, you have one of those
Speaker 2: to blow to my masculinity. But I would say, right now,
Speaker 2: when you think about your intimate relationships, and an intimate
Speaker 2: relationship can be with the parent, can be with whatever
Speaker 2: you do your own application. Okay, I can't do everything
Speaker 2: for you. I mean I can put the food on
Speaker 2: the plate, I can't chew it. So when you think
Speaker 2: about that, the first tool, if you reach in here,
Speaker 2: that you have in any relationship. Somebody say, focus, This
Speaker 2: is the first tool that you have in any relationship.
Speaker 2: It is the ability to magnify whatever you choose to magnify.
Speaker 1: Right, So Jesus said, when.
Speaker 2: You make that little speck that's in somebody else's eyes,
Speaker 2: huge thing. Now, now let's break this down, because if
Speaker 2: you're going to see a speck in somebody's eye, what
Speaker 2: do you have to be to see a speck in
Speaker 2: somebody else's eye? Right? That's not something you see from
Speaker 2: a distance. Right.
Speaker 1: You could have I boogers all up in your eye.
Speaker 2: I can't see it from the stage. But if I'm
Speaker 2: noticing a speck in your eye, that means we're close.
Speaker 2: And a lot of people fear intimacy because I don't
Speaker 2: want you to see into me.
Speaker 1: So I keep people at a distance.
Speaker 2: If I can stay up on the stage and only
Speaker 2: let you meet my representative but not see my reality,
Speaker 2: then maybe you'll stay in love with me. But I'm
Speaker 2: scared to let you get up close because I have
Speaker 2: this spec And people do the craziest thing, because when
Speaker 2: you're first in a relationship with somebody.
Speaker 1: Magnify all the amazing things about them. Wow, look how
Speaker 1: funny she is? Look out look, how look? How look
Speaker 1: how laid back he is.
Speaker 2: You don't know that laid back is really code for lazy,
Speaker 2: but you will if you marry him.
Speaker 5: Come on, Wow, it's amazing what you will magnify in
Speaker 5: the beginning of a relationship.
Speaker 2: That'll make you love somebody that you will take for granted.
Speaker 2: When you get into the relationship and get close and
Speaker 2: you choose, in any relationship or in any season of
Speaker 2: your life, you choose what you magnify. I hear single
Speaker 2: people talking about their lonely. I hear married people talking
Speaker 2: about their lonely. I heard a married couple the other
Speaker 2: day talk about having no friends, and it brought them
Speaker 2: to tears. Well, there was a time where they would
Speaker 2: have said to each other, all I need is you.
Speaker 1: But then you get with them and you.
Speaker 2: Realize, well, they're not a savior. And if I'm going
Speaker 2: to be happy in the season of my.
Speaker 5: Life, I got to choose what I magnify, what I
Speaker 5: make bigger.
Speaker 1: Write this down.
Speaker 2: What you magnify, you get more of what you magnify,
Speaker 2: you get more of focus. I'm deciding any given moment
Speaker 2: in a relationship what I'm focusing on.
Speaker 1: I was so mad at my dad.
Speaker 2: I was so mad at that man because he was impossible.
Speaker 2: In the last two years of his life, he was impossible.
Speaker 2: He wouldn't let us take care of him. So he
Speaker 2: moved away. He went to go live by himself. He
Speaker 2: was dying, but he wouldn't let my mom take care
Speaker 2: of him. He wouldn't let us take care of him.
Speaker 2: Anytime we try to put a plan together, he would
Speaker 2: just blow it up. I was so mad at him.
Speaker 2: I got to the point where my dad, anytime I
Speaker 2: would try to talk to him on the phone, we
Speaker 2: couldn't have a conversation. This went on for months. When
Speaker 2: we would get on the phone, he would go into
Speaker 2: a rage. Within two minutes. It would start here and
Speaker 2: it would quickly escalate, and I was so mad at him.
Speaker 2: I would send people that I would pay for to
Speaker 2: go and take care of him, and he would fire them.
Speaker 2: He fired four people that I sent to take care
Speaker 2: of him because he wouldn't stay here and let us
Speaker 2: take care of him. I couldn't see at the time
Speaker 2: that he wasn't responding out of his own will. He
Speaker 2: was responding out of his pain. Because when you're in
Speaker 2: something like that, you don't see the person's intentions or
Speaker 2: you don't see you don't see the place that is
Speaker 2: coming from. You only feel how it's affecting you. I
Speaker 2: was so mad at him, and I just decided, well,
Speaker 2: find if he has to die and we can't speak,
Speaker 2: I can't have somebody treat me like this.
Speaker 1: I was so mad about it, And in the middle
Speaker 1: of being.
Speaker 2: So mad about it, my father in law said something
Speaker 2: to me that made me so upset, because the last
Speaker 2: thing you want to hear when you're.
Speaker 1: Upset is something like this.
Speaker 2: He said, well, try to remember the good times. Try
Speaker 2: to remember the good times. He did a lot of things, right, Well,
Speaker 2: shut up, that's right. This is the one time you're
Speaker 2: not allowed to say amen while I'm preaching. And it
Speaker 2: was Father's Day of you know, twenty twelve, twenty thirteen.
Speaker 2: Forgive me for being imprecise on the date, but.
Speaker 1: My memory of it is.
Speaker 2: That I was driving home from vacation with the family
Speaker 2: on Father's Day, feeling bad that I couldn't do anything
Speaker 2: with my dad, and my father in law's voice in
Speaker 2: my head. He did a lot of things right. And
Speaker 2: I came to an idea, and I asked Holly if
Speaker 2: we could pull over and switch and she could drive,
Speaker 2: because we were going through the town where I grew up,
Speaker 2: where my dad was living by himself. And I had
Speaker 2: the idea right down, one memory for every year that
Speaker 2: he was your dad, and take it to the house
Speaker 2: and give it to him, one good memory from every
Speaker 2: year he was your dad. And man, I'm telling you,
Speaker 2: when I first started making that list, my pen was
Speaker 2: moving so slow. I mean, it was all I could
Speaker 2: do to get a letter on the page. I was
Speaker 2: so mad at him. I was so mad at him
Speaker 2: because all I could see is how he's treating me
Speaker 2: right now. But when I started writing, I started remembering,
Speaker 2: and so I remembered the first thing. I kind of
Speaker 2: remembered was when I played on the Pirates and he
Speaker 2: was my coach, and we sucked so bad that he
Speaker 2: wouldn't let any of us swing at the plate. He
Speaker 2: made us all bunt every time we were at back
Speaker 2: for the whole season. So I wrote that down, bunting.
Speaker 2: It was my first word. It got me started. Then
Speaker 2: I remembered about a fourteen that he couldn't find a
Speaker 2: way to connect with me because I was into music,
Speaker 2: he was into fishing. And he took me to a
Speaker 2: punk rock concert in Ladson, South Carolina. The worst music
Speaker 2: that you've ever heard in your life was played in
Speaker 2: that VW hall that day, But he he took me
Speaker 2: and sat with me, and I wrote down punk rock
Speaker 2: concert Ladson, And then I started remembering how after he
Speaker 2: gave his life to Christ.
Speaker 1: He wanted me to go to church with him.
Speaker 2: One of his customers in his barbershop had invited him
Speaker 2: to their church revival. Now this was not like a
Speaker 2: cod orange revival that's uplifting. This was like a hell
Speaker 2: fire and brimstone revival. And the preacher was preaching so
Speaker 2: hard that we went out to this little country church
Speaker 2: and me and my dad wondered what have we gotten
Speaker 2: ourselves into? And they seated us on the front row.
Speaker 2: Were there on the front row in this independent fundamentalist
Speaker 2: Baptist church, and all the women are in dresses and everything.
Speaker 2: We're in t sh and we're sitting there in the church,
Speaker 2: not knowing what we're getting ourselves into.
Speaker 1: And the preacher got so fired up.
Speaker 2: At one point this little boy stood up and he shouted.
Speaker 2: But he didn't say, Amen, praise the Lord, preach preacher.
Speaker 2: Here's what a little boy said.
Speaker 1: He said, lock the wild hog.
Speaker 6: I never heard that shout before, so I wrote down,
Speaker 6: let the wild hog ee.
Speaker 2: Mean. I knocked on the door and got the house
Speaker 2: and handed in the list.
Speaker 1: I said, here. I didn't even hug him.
Speaker 2: I was here. I made your list thirty two things.
Speaker 2: He said, how did you remember this stuff? Because you choose.
Speaker 1: What you magnify. And our story had a happy ending.
Speaker 2: You know, we reconciled, not right at that moment. At
Speaker 2: that moment, I handed him the list and walked out.
Speaker 2: We don't want to see him, but it started something.
Speaker 2: And I know reconciliation is not always possible on that life.
Speaker 2: And I'm not even saying that it's always preferable. What
Speaker 2: I am saying is that whatever you've lost, if you
Speaker 2: choose to magnify it, you're going to live in what
Speaker 2: you lost. Whatever they're doing to you right now. If
Speaker 2: you want to magnify that, you can forget the thousand
Speaker 2: nice things that they said because of the one text
Speaker 2: that they sent that said that one thing that they
Speaker 2: weren't even thinking about, and in your mind, you will
Speaker 2: begin to magnify.
Speaker 1: Man, we should use these more in.
Speaker 2: Dating because we don't look for anything any warning signs
Speaker 2: and dating we don't ask any questions about their bank account.
Speaker 2: Well they love God, yes, but do they have grocery money? Right? See,
Speaker 2: you need one of these in a dating relationship.
Speaker 1: You need to see as.
Speaker 2: Many as NX as you can see.
Speaker 1: But then you have to use it for a different purpose.
Speaker 2: In marriage. You got to use it in a close
Speaker 2: relationship where you're committed. Look, if you come to this
Speaker 2: church look for crap to get mad about. Let me
Speaker 2: save you a whole lot of time and searching out
Speaker 2: for you will find. What you look for, you will find,
Speaker 2: seek and you will find. Isn't that what Jesus said
Speaker 2: now that applies.
Speaker 1: To the good things and the bad things.
Speaker 2: And this is one thing that my wife is really
Speaker 2: good at, and I'm excited she's teaching the ladies of it.
Speaker 2: In a couple of a couple of weeks, I think
Speaker 2: they said Elevation Ladies Night dot Com. They said, I'll
Speaker 2: get to come to I'm uncom Let me see what
Speaker 2: y'all are talking about while we're not there. Any you know,
Speaker 2: in any time in a relationship that see what you magnify.
Speaker 2: And I don't know if we understand the power that
Speaker 2: we have to magnify things in other people that we
Speaker 2: can bring out of them the good stuff.
Speaker 1: I don't know if we understand the power that we have.
Speaker 2: I told you at the beginning of my sermon that
Speaker 2: I've been traveling a lot lately in preaching, and so
Speaker 2: when I do that, I always feel like I'm cheating home.
Speaker 1: No matter how much I try.
Speaker 2: I probably not doing as bad of a job as
Speaker 2: I think I am, but I tend to be really
Speaker 2: hard on myself. So wherever I'm giving, I'm feeling guilty
Speaker 2: about where I'm not giving or you like that. So
Speaker 2: it's like ezever enough, And so I'm sitting there feeling bad.
Speaker 2: And one Saturday morning, I had all my notes for
Speaker 2: the sermon that weekend spread out on the table, and
Speaker 2: I've been gone somewhere else preaching all week, so I'm
Speaker 2: feeling kind of behind and a little just a little
Speaker 2: bit distracted. The kids are all around me. They're trying
Speaker 2: to get my attention. I'm paying them no attention, and
Speaker 2: they're screaming my name, and I'm not listening and all
Speaker 2: of that. And I know I'm not listening, and I
Speaker 2: kind of don't care because I got to get this
Speaker 2: sermon ready, but I kind of feel awful about it.
Speaker 2: I'm just feeling that thing, like I'm stretched apart. And
Speaker 2: if you don't have a lot of little kids around,
Speaker 2: maybe this wouldn't apply to you. But I think everybody's
Speaker 2: felt this way at some point, just like, well, I
Speaker 2: can't give enough to anybody anywhere.
Speaker 7: And feeling really like a failure was a very mild level,
Speaker 7: but I felt it. I'm feeling up tight and all
Speaker 7: that stuff, and I need to be a good dad,
Speaker 7: but I also need to be a good pastor, and
Speaker 7: I don't know how to be both at the same time.
Speaker 7: In their feeling mother and the kids are yelling, and
Speaker 7: I'm kind of mad at them and annoyed with them.
Speaker 1: But it's not their fault.
Speaker 2: I mean, I'm the one that's been gone and they.
Speaker 1: Really just want anyway.
Speaker 2: Holly speaks up and she goes, kids, your dad is
Speaker 2: a great man. I hope when you grow up that
Speaker 2: you grow up to be a hard worker like your dad.
Speaker 2: He's been gone all week, preaching, doing what God called
Speaker 2: him to do, and providing for our family.
Speaker 1: And now look at him.
Speaker 2: He's got these notes spread all over this kitchen table.
Speaker 1: Let me tell you something. She made me feel in
Speaker 1: just one little speech, one little.
Speaker 2: Speech, she made me feel. She made me bigger. I'm
Speaker 2: telling you, ladies, you can make amend.
Speaker 1: It's bigger. You can't. You can make him stronger.
Speaker 2: You can make him bring in more groceries from the car.
Speaker 1: Just tell him how strong years I'm telling you Holly.
Speaker 2: I don't know where she learned this, but when we
Speaker 2: first got married, I was carrying in the groceries from
Speaker 2: the car one day. I don't do that anymore, That's
Speaker 2: what I kissed for. But I was carrying in.
Speaker 1: The groceries one day, and I had a.
Speaker 2: Couple of bags, you know, a couple bags bagged around
Speaker 2: my arm.
Speaker 1: Bags everywhere.
Speaker 2: I had bags coming in the house and I said,
Speaker 2: I'm coming in the house and Holly.
Speaker 1: Said, Holly said, how do you do that? I said, well,
Speaker 1: it's easy. You know, it's easy for me.
Speaker 2: So I started curling the grocery bags. I grabbed a couple.
Speaker 2: I put a grocery bag in my teeth. I put
Speaker 2: one around my neck. Why because she magnified something so small,
Speaker 2: and you magnified the little.
Speaker 1: Thing and it gets bigger.
Speaker 2: You magnify what you don't have, and it gets bigger
Speaker 2: in your mind until all you can see is what
Speaker 2: you don't have. You magnify what they're not, or do
Speaker 2: you magnify what they've got? See? I think this makes
Speaker 2: all the difference. Are you coming back next week to me?
Speaker 1: This is good?
Speaker 2: Are you going to bring somebody with you next week
Speaker 2: who needs to hear this? That was less enthusiastic. I
Speaker 2: know they will at rock Hill campus. They bring a
Speaker 2: lot of people at rock Hill. So what is your focus?
Speaker 2: Jesus said, You can look at the spec you can.
Speaker 1: Look at the plank.
Speaker 2: It's interesting to me because, knowing very little about carpentry,
Speaker 2: I do realize that the sawdust comes from the same
Speaker 2: material that the plank is made of. Usually, when I
Speaker 2: see something in someone else that makes me angry offended,
Speaker 2: it's because it represents something that's in me. So I
Speaker 2: told you there were two tools in there are when
Speaker 2: it comes to the relationships that matter the most, and
Speaker 2: when it comes to the things that offend us and
Speaker 2: other people. Because everybody has issues and most of us
Speaker 2: have a subscription. You know what a great dating conversation
Speaker 2: would be what kind of crazy are you?
Speaker 1: Because I can't tell.
Speaker 2: From this distance, but if I get close to you,
Speaker 2: but you know all these issues, you got to decide.
Speaker 2: Am I going to focus on theirs or mine? Because
Speaker 2: I think the key to this thing of loving the Lord,
Speaker 2: our God with all our heart, with all our soul,
Speaker 2: with all our mind, and with all our strength, and
Speaker 2: loving our neighbor as ourselves.
Speaker 1: Sometimes you got to put down this and pick up this.
Speaker 2: And just ask God, So, Lord, what is it that
Speaker 2: you're trying to teach me, or what is it that
Speaker 2: I can change?
Speaker 1: Because I tried.
Speaker 2: Changing Charlie and Charlie won't change. So here I am Lord,
Speaker 2: And in the words of the King of pop if
Speaker 2: you want to make the world a better place where
Speaker 2: you're going to start.
Speaker 1: Sometimes you've got to start with your own self.
Speaker 2: And God says, you can't even help the people that
Speaker 2: you love when you're infected with the very issue that
Speaker 2: you're trying to solve.
Speaker 1: So it's loved the Lord your.
Speaker 2: God, that's one half, But it's also loved your neighbor
Speaker 2: as yourself.
Speaker 1: That's the other half.
Speaker 2: You can't have this half right and not have this
Speaker 2: half right. You can't treat people like garbage and worship
Speaker 2: God at the same time. You can't get this right though.
Speaker 2: Until you get this right, you can't treat people well
Speaker 2: if you don't know God loves you, and you can't
Speaker 2: love God until you have received his love freely. And
Speaker 2: that's what makes it across. That's what makes it across.
Speaker 2: That's what makes it complete, is that it's this and
Speaker 2: it's this. One thing I never noticed, though, is that
Speaker 2: Jesus said you'd love the Lord your God with all
Speaker 2: your heart, soul, mind, strength. We go around trying to
Speaker 2: love people and we're not even whole within ourselves. But
Speaker 2: the other thing is that he said love your neighbor
Speaker 2: as yourself. Now, I've always known that that was a command,
Speaker 2: but it's also just an observation that the way you
Speaker 2: love your neighbor is the way you love yourself. If
Speaker 2: you haven't received God's acceptance of you, you won't be
Speaker 2: able to accept anybody else as they are because you
Speaker 2: don't even love yourself. And so a lot of times
Speaker 2: it starts there.
Speaker 1: It starts with saying.
Speaker 2: God, I can't go into these relationships anymore half.
Speaker 1: Empty and needing people. Sometimes I'm so needy.
Speaker 2: I was asking God the other day to help me
Speaker 2: not be so hard on others, and God said, well, first,
Speaker 2: you're going to have to not be so hard on you,
Speaker 2: because what starts here, flows here, flows here, flows here,
Speaker 2: flows here. And I just wanted to begin this series
Speaker 2: today asking you where is your focus? Because if another
Speaker 2: person is at the center of your focus and they're
Speaker 2: responsible for the fulfillment of your joy, you're.
Speaker 1: Going to always be miserable.
Speaker 2: If you're trying to do God's job in fixing somebody
Speaker 2: else and you have a focus on what they need
Speaker 2: to become. Let me tell you something, there is no
Speaker 2: worse strategy for your own personal satisfaction in life to
Speaker 2: place that responsibility in someone else's hands. So for all
Speaker 2: of us who have been saying, you know, I need
Speaker 2: someone to complete me, or I need you to complete me,
Speaker 2: or I need this. The message I think God has
Speaker 2: for us today.
Speaker 1: Is give me my job back.
Speaker 2: I'm a good God, I'm a good father.
Speaker 1: I know what you need.
Speaker 2: And here's the difference between God and everybody else in
Speaker 2: your life.
Speaker 1: Not only does he know what.
Speaker 2: You need, he has what you need and he's the
Speaker 2: only one who has what you need.
Speaker 1: I want you to stand up on.
Speaker 2: Your feet at every location I want to pray for you.
Speaker 2: We're gonna get into this over the next several weeks.
Speaker 2: We're gonna get into this. We're gonna get into it
Speaker 2: so deep that there's gonna be healing that's gonna happen
Speaker 2: in your heart. God is gonna open he said, if
Speaker 2: you would knock, the door would be open. If you
Speaker 2: would seek, you would find where is your focus. Let's
Speaker 2: take a moment before we rush out of here and
Speaker 2: hank it people in the parking lot.
Speaker 1: After we worship God, let's close our eyes.
Speaker 2: And just lift our hands to Heaven.
Speaker 1: Would you do that?
Speaker 2: Some of you never done that before. Just go ahead
Speaker 2: and do it right now. Just lift your hands to
Speaker 2: your Father. And I want you to just begin to
Speaker 2: magnify the Lord and all of the good things that
Speaker 2: He's placed in your life. Some of you are lonely today,
Speaker 2: and I understand, and God understands.
Speaker 1: And it's okay to be lonely. It's okay.
Speaker 2: It's a part of the human experience. Jesus went through
Speaker 2: a loneliness so severe that he prayed that the cup would.
Speaker 1: Be passed from him.
Speaker 2: The ones who should have been there for him abandoned
Speaker 2: him in his hour of need.
Speaker 1: He knew what it was like to be lonely. He
Speaker 1: knows what it's like to be lonely, and.
Speaker 2: He wants to stand up on the inside of you
Speaker 2: right now and remind you that He is your completion,
Speaker 2: your satisfaction, and your fulfillment. Father, I thank you today
Speaker 2: for every person that you brought to church. I thank
Speaker 2: you for the work you're doing in our lives. I
Speaker 2: thank you that we are full and complete in Jesus Christ.
Speaker 2: That we have all that we need in Him, That
Speaker 2: all that we need is in Him. That all that
Speaker 2: we need to be good husbands, to be good wives,
Speaker 2: all that we need to fulfill your purpose in a
Speaker 2: season of singleness, all that we need to be good parents.
Speaker 2: All that we need to forgive people that we need
Speaker 2: to forgive, all that we need is in you. And
Speaker 2: so our focus now is not on what we're not,
Speaker 2: but who you are.
Speaker 1: We thank you God. Let's look at and clap.
Speaker 2: Our hands for the awesome God that you are, for
Speaker 2: the amazing God that you are, for the strong God
Speaker 2: that you are, or the capable God that you are.
Speaker 1: Come on and praise him.
Speaker 2: When you praise him, when you magnify him, he releases
Speaker 2: bless us and you. Thank you. Thank you for joining us.
Speaker 2: Special thanks to those of you who give generously to
Speaker 2: this ministry. Is because of you that this ministry is possible.
Speaker 2: You can click the link in the description to give
Speaker 2: now or visit Elevation Church dot org slash podcast for
Speaker 2: more information and if you enjoyed the podcast, you can subscribe.
Speaker 1: You can share it with your friends.
Speaker 2: You can click the share button, take a screenshot and
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Speaker 2: Elevation Church.
Speaker 1: Thanks again for listening.
Speaker 2: God, bless you