Speaker 1: If you would like to have us answer your questions.
Speaker 2: If you have a terrible job, a terrible boyfriend, or
Speaker 2: a terrible threatfle guess what You've got Decisions? Hey, y'all,
Speaker 2: welcome back to another You've Got Decisions. I'm your girl, Wheezy.
Speaker 2: I'm in the studio today with our producer Denisha, and
Speaker 2: we're going to figure out what y'all got problems with
Speaker 2: this time. If you haven't already pre ordered, no holds barred.
Speaker 2: We have a masterclass that we actually have released Insane.
Speaker 2: Mandy and I sit down go through modules on things
Speaker 2: that are actually in the book, like hot Eat Pussy,
Speaker 2: how to date correctly with a matchmaker, how to safely
Speaker 2: practice BDSM, how to get over a breakup. There's so
Speaker 2: many cool things attached. If you've already pre ordered, go
Speaker 2: to the Decisions Decisions ig fill out the form, upload
Speaker 2: your receipt whom you're in the master class.
Speaker 1: Okay, let me lubricate this whole up problem. Well hmm,
Speaker 1: now Bebby.
Speaker 2: You know he should have left a voice message this
Speaker 2: how loneess is okay? Hiweezy and Mandy, But today's Nisha.
Speaker 2: Longtime listeners since twenty eighteen. Let me get to the point. Oh, then,
Speaker 2: how are the five more paragroes. I apologize in advance
Speaker 2: for this long message. My boyfriend and I have been
Speaker 2: together for seven years. I'm thirty, he's thirty one. He
Speaker 2: told me he discovered a kink that he enjoyed based
Speaker 2: on some things that.
Speaker 1: Happened early on in our relationship.
Speaker 2: For the first year of us dating and being together,
Speaker 2: I would occasionally talk to other guys, meaning talking text,
Speaker 2: no dating or anything. They were like friends to me
Speaker 2: because I'd known these guys years before I met my boyfriend.
Speaker 2: Even though I knew a few of them liked me.
Speaker 2: Of course, I saw no issue with talking to them.
Speaker 2: I kept everything appropriate. My boyfriend didn't like it, expressed
Speaker 2: how he felt disrespected. At the time, I was twenty
Speaker 2: two to twenty three, I was young.
Speaker 1: Oh they've been together ten y Wow.
Speaker 2: Just called him insecure or thought he was controlling, And
Speaker 2: after a real sit down and listening to his feelings,
Speaker 2: I understood where he was coming from. And I realized
Speaker 2: that none of the guys I was talking to serve purpose,
Speaker 2: so I pretty much cut off communication.
Speaker 1: Time goes on.
Speaker 2: He's obsessing with trying to catch me with these guys
Speaker 2: or excuse me of being with other guys, and I
Speaker 2: was getting overwhelmed but trying to prove to him that
Speaker 2: I wasn't doing anything. He eventually admitted to me three
Speaker 2: years ago that he got a rush from reading old
Speaker 2: dms and messages between me and the other guys.
Speaker 1: Did you know it was gonna go there? Because I
Speaker 1: knew he was gonna go there, it turned him on
Speaker 1: the thought of him seeing me with another man.
Speaker 2: He did his research and found out the kink behind
Speaker 2: it is being called a hot life slash stag. He
Speaker 2: informed me of everything and wanted to know how we
Speaker 2: could keep this kink fantasy going for him, so I
Speaker 2: agreed to try to figure it out, even though I
Speaker 2: had no desire to.
Speaker 1: Talk to another man. Girl, everybody listen is like okay.
Speaker 2: We first tried with me just being myself and telling
Speaker 2: him in detail with other experiences with men while we
Speaker 2: were having sex, which was only because I've only been
Speaker 2: with one other guy since him. Yes, I'm thirty and
Speaker 2: I've only been with two guys. Ever, thank you for
Speaker 2: listening to the show for so long. Or he would
Speaker 2: like me to make up stories of being with some
Speaker 2: of the guys that I was talking to in the beginning.
Speaker 2: Once the kink was kind of getting old, I assume
Speaker 2: you meant to say, we moved to fet life. He
Speaker 2: would make a post seeking men to sext me on
Speaker 2: Snapchat and he only wanted me to interact with guys
Speaker 2: that were bigger than him and dick size.
Speaker 1: What is up with this Kanye shit.
Speaker 2: I'm not a shading a man, by the way, but
Speaker 2: there is something with humiliation and dick size that is
Speaker 2: go to for men, and humiliation is a part of
Speaker 2: this kink too. Granted he isn't that small at all.
Speaker 2: He's a good seven and a half to eight. I
Speaker 2: did that for a while because I really started to
Speaker 2: get annoyed because I didn't even like any of the guys,
Speaker 2: which made it hard for me to have a fake
Speaker 2: interest in sexting. Then we went on other apps like
Speaker 2: black BLK and three fund.
Speaker 1: I told him that sexty and which I never heard
Speaker 1: three fund.
Speaker 2: I told him that sexting the strangers made me uncomfortable
Speaker 2: and I don't want to do it anymore, but he
Speaker 2: just won't get the point. He would try to bring
Speaker 2: that up and that doing this is helping him with jealousy,
Speaker 2: and he's creating an open space for me to desire
Speaker 2: other men.
Speaker 1: The problem is I don't desire anyone else.
Speaker 2: He would also say that I'm the reason that he
Speaker 2: discovered this, and if I wouldn't have done what I
Speaker 2: did in the vast we wouldn't be where we are now.
Speaker 2: I'll just think shit, and I feel like it's affecting
Speaker 2: our sex life because he always wants to talk to
Speaker 2: me about other scenarios and I'm over it, even when
Speaker 2: I make them up.
Speaker 1: I don't know what else to do.
Speaker 2: Every time I try to tell him I'm not interested
Speaker 2: in the kink, he tries to say that I'm judging
Speaker 2: him or kink shaming, and I'm not any advice on
Speaker 2: how I could get him to truly understand that I
Speaker 2: don't want to act on this. Well, no shade, Sis,
Speaker 2: I'm not going to shade your relationship or this cake.
Speaker 2: But you could have got that out in a paragraph, Denise. No, no, no,
Speaker 2: I'm actually joking. I kind of like it because the
Speaker 2: extra detail makes it more fun. But I don't even
Speaker 2: know what to say because I know everyone if you
Speaker 2: like a cook, cook and hot wife. I wanted to
Speaker 2: read that cutcolding is watching someone else have sex with
Speaker 2: your partner while you do nothing. The hot wife, at
Speaker 2: its core is a woman that has sexual relationships with
Speaker 2: other men with consent, full knowledge, and sometimes and most
Speaker 2: times with encouragement of the other partner. It's normally a
Speaker 2: married woman who gets to fuck as many people as
Speaker 2: you want, and the husband doesn't do it himself, because
Speaker 2: then in that case it would then be like lifestyle,
Speaker 2: open relationship whatever. A stag is the man itself. So
Speaker 2: here's what I would tell you, he's getting a little
Speaker 2: ridiculous with every time you have sex.
Speaker 1: He needs to talk about this.
Speaker 2: If every time I had sex I needed to get choked,
Speaker 2: I couldn't even do that. I don't know how to
Speaker 2: explicitly give you advice on how to tell someone no,
Speaker 2: because the no isn't.
Speaker 1: Seeming to work. The only thing that I would try
Speaker 1: to do.
Speaker 2: Is tell him that since because it seems like you
Speaker 2: did enjoy it in the beginning, or it could have
Speaker 2: been fun, but then it's like this became something obsessive. Okay,
Speaker 2: he's being very manipulative by telling you it's kink shaming.
Speaker 2: You're going to have to hold the mirror up and
Speaker 2: be like, yo, when is the last time you had
Speaker 2: sex with me and we didn't bring up other people.
Speaker 2: This isn't about me kink shaming. This is about me
Speaker 2: wanting to just have sex with you. I'm interested in you.
Speaker 2: You see to be interested in other things while fucking me.
Speaker 2: It makes me feel like XYZ. Sometimes just saying I
Speaker 2: don't want to I'm bored, da da da. It gives
Speaker 2: people this openness to thinking we just need persuasiveness or
Speaker 2: we're just not horny enough.
Speaker 1: You have to actually talk about how it makes you feel.
Speaker 2: You can say even things where it sounds ridiculous maybe
Speaker 2: to him, But sometimes I feel like you don't even
Speaker 2: enjoy this fantasy with me. This is about just having
Speaker 2: someone to do it with you. And I don't know
Speaker 2: if I could keep exploring something that doesn't feel like
Speaker 2: it's an US thing. I figured having sex with you
Speaker 2: would be something exciting for us. Feels very one sided.
Speaker 2: I feel like you don't want to please me at all.
Speaker 2: Like those are ways to hold up the mirror, because
Speaker 2: it is crazy that as women we have to.
Speaker 1: Be like no, no, no no.
Speaker 2: I also almost feel a little bad for joking, like
Speaker 2: go fuck that other nigga, because when we hear this story,
Speaker 2: we're like, duh, we want to try this thing, but
Speaker 2: it's not like that for everybody, And so I think
Speaker 2: I want to use this time to maybe talk about
Speaker 2: something where we were like, I'm not into that.
Speaker 1: Is it happening you yet? I feel like you ain't
Speaker 1: fuck a lot ofth No.
Speaker 3: I'm also like her thirty and of only mimity people,
Speaker 3: so I can relate to a sist. But honestly, you
Speaker 3: know nothing that I haven't been. No.
Speaker 2: I've had just exploring on apps like sex apps and stuff.
Speaker 2: A lot of people tell me that their partners couldn't
Speaker 2: exercise this kink with them and that's why they were
Speaker 2: on the apps.
Speaker 1: I wonder if there's a world for that, Like are you.
Speaker 2: Even comfortable with that? Can he just do this thing
Speaker 2: and you're not included in this fantasy? That's also ridiculous
Speaker 2: as a suggestion, because I know that's not what you
Speaker 2: want to hear. But I guess I'm trying to find
Speaker 2: the world where when I answer some of these questions,
Speaker 2: and I'm talking outside of you right now, when I
Speaker 2: answer some of these questions, am I giving you the
Speaker 2: advice that I would want.
Speaker 1: Here's my real advice.
Speaker 2: I don't know how safe I would feel in a
Speaker 2: relationship where I'm constantly being told I'm kink shamey, or
Speaker 2: I did something wrong and now I have to sexually
Speaker 2: act on something.
Speaker 3: Now.
Speaker 2: I don't want to make it too dark. But did
Speaker 2: he Cassie Coercion. Sure he's not that bad or rich
Speaker 2: and famous, but this is all like umbrella of manipulative
Speaker 2: sex and that shit don't feel good. In the book,
Speaker 2: I even talk about my ex saying to me, there
Speaker 2: were these girls I wanted to fuck us. It would
Speaker 2: have been our first like foursome, and these girls wanted
Speaker 2: to hit He literally looks at me like, come on, baby,
Speaker 2: we can't have fun tonight. And now I'm like, oh
Speaker 2: my god, I'm the girl that's boring, Like this is
Speaker 2: all manipulative shit, and they know that they can get
Speaker 2: away with these things because we love them. We want
Speaker 2: to be down and the same thing should be going
Speaker 2: for men. How many women have been wanting DP or
Speaker 2: three some of two guys and it's a hard But
Speaker 2: I don't know what it is about us that makes
Speaker 2: them say, my girl will be okay, she'll do it.
Speaker 1: She'll figure it out. So how do you do it?
Speaker 3: Because you and your partner are in an open okay,
Speaker 3: So like when you, let's say, one night, he wants
Speaker 3: to do something but you don't like, how do you
Speaker 3: tell him?
Speaker 2: Well, I'm lucky that he's understanding, because recently we were
Speaker 2: at Labain. They have a really fun Wednesday night in
Speaker 2: New York. It's like Afrobe's and I'm a piano and
Speaker 2: we love that shit. So we get girl's numbers. Sometimes
Speaker 2: there was a girl it was. She was gorgeous, but
Speaker 2: I just wasn't in a mood that day, and he
Speaker 2: wasn't even asking me to have sex with her. He said, oh,
Speaker 2: what do you think? Like she's been flirting with us,
Speaker 2: like can we go get her number? And I said okay,
Speaker 2: just very reluctant.
Speaker 1: He then said, now he picked up.
Speaker 2: I don't want we And maybe he didn't say it
Speaker 2: as eloquently as like I love doing Hell, yes, it's
Speaker 2: with you consent. He literally said, we aint about to
Speaker 2: fight tomorrow over this bitch if you ain't Hell, yes,
Speaker 2: I ain't in it.
Speaker 1: Fuck that help and we go and we dancey a
Speaker 1: good time.
Speaker 2: And I brought this up when we did keV on
Speaker 2: stage because I was like, Yo, people need to read
Speaker 2: each other, and good partnership looks like reading and loving.
Speaker 2: And I've had good boyfriends that I've broken up with.
Speaker 2: I've had bad boyfriends I've broken up with. But a
Speaker 2: lot of this all tied into how well do you
Speaker 2: know somebody? Your partner not realizing that he's starting to
Speaker 2: push you like that is a problem. And I do
Speaker 2: think these things to be fixed. I think you got
Speaker 2: to reconnect, like just the two of you, and he's
Speaker 2: got to know that because ten years is long, and
Speaker 2: so if this is his new thing, we got to
Speaker 2: figure out where I exist in this thing.
Speaker 1: If I don't want it. Let's just say this is extreme,
Speaker 1: but I'm thinking about it. Ask my partner dated.
Speaker 2: A girl that liked to be super choked out, hit, dominated, crazy,
Speaker 2: spit on all of it. I could like some of
Speaker 2: these things in moderation, and after that girl, I feel
Speaker 2: like he's maybe had a little bit of a thirst
Speaker 2: for it too.
Speaker 1: I know I can't handle it.
Speaker 2: So we got to talk about how I exist If
Speaker 2: you got this thing, where does Weezy come in?
Speaker 1: If you're going to have this thing now?
Speaker 2: According to him, he's like, I don't need it whatever,
Speaker 2: I'm not dripping, it's not something I crave. I think
Speaker 2: in five years this might come on now you really
Speaker 2: want to be on your domb shit, And I think
Speaker 2: we got to talk about where that comes to the plate.
Speaker 2: Will I change my mind? Will you only do this?
Speaker 2: Will you do it in front of me? Will I
Speaker 2: act it out?
Speaker 1: Like shit? Maybe your man turns into.
Speaker 2: One of the guys that are fucking a hot wife,
Speaker 2: Like where can we all exist? And maybe you like
Speaker 2: watching it, but there has to be a place where
Speaker 2: you can exist in someone's sexuality, even if you're not there.
Speaker 2: And I think that's what's really needing to be talked
Speaker 2: about with y'all. I hope that's a helpful answer, because
Speaker 2: it's so hard to answer questions like this in the
Speaker 2: middle of all this Diddy cash Cassie shit, Because fuck,
Speaker 2: waking up every day and seeing it is just like,
Speaker 2: what's the worst thing you think you thought you read
Speaker 2: from the Diddy Cassie shit?
Speaker 3: Umm, the worst thing that I saw or heard from it? Honestly,
Speaker 3: anything that has to do with like drugs or being druggs.
Speaker 3: I feel like that's like just so against your will, Like.
Speaker 2: You know, I didn't hear anything yet about I know
Speaker 2: she was doing drugs. I didn't know she was like
Speaker 2: being drugged. In my head, when I think of being drugged,
Speaker 2: I think, oh my god, you woke up and something
Speaker 2: was different.
Speaker 1: My worst thing so far.
Speaker 2: I'm listening to this podcast BBC Diddy All Trial, y'all
Speaker 2: go listen.
Speaker 1: It's every day. It's tea. And I don't mean that and.
Speaker 2: Know like, oh my god, I love this happening way.
Speaker 2: I'm just saying, it's a great way to listen and
Speaker 2: to ray from the shade room.
Speaker 1: Dad Nigga be my lawyer. Okay.
Speaker 2: There was an episode on The Diddy Trial and DBC
Speaker 2: where the girl said that the male escort was like
Speaker 2: I didn't even know what to do when Cassie was
Speaker 2: getting beat because Diddy is so powerful.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah.
Speaker 2: So basically, as the story goes, there was a male
Speaker 2: escort that was brought in to have sex with Ditty
Speaker 2: and Cassie. He said the first time Diddy was covered
Speaker 2: hat bandana, he said he even knew because of the
Speaker 2: voice and just the presence a loan. And then he
Speaker 2: came back a few times and he said one of
Speaker 2: the times he would just stay, smoke, chill. They would
Speaker 2: do it for hours, right. Ain't that the crazy part
Speaker 2: of this whole Diddy trial too? Everything is four to
Speaker 2: eight hours, Like the bitch is a cloth. I'm like,
Speaker 2: I would oh my god.
Speaker 1: I mean Krisha said, don't go to sleep. She did
Speaker 1: sayday this nigga all sleep.
Speaker 2: So but that's also drug shit if you're a cocaine
Speaker 2: at meta infetamine. Like what I'm gonna do with this
Speaker 2: Hollywood life of like uh uh up?
Speaker 1: So long story.
Speaker 2: Short mail escort says Cassie was on her computer. Diddy said,
Speaker 2: came here. She said, hold on, hold on, hold on.
Speaker 2: She wanted to tie things up, I guess. So he
Speaker 2: came in the room.
Speaker 1: He can hear this. You come when I.
Speaker 2: Say come, and she was like, I'm sorry, It's just
Speaker 2: I have personal stuff on here. I wanted to wrap
Speaker 2: it up. And then he started to hear her getting abused.
Speaker 2: Now the prosecution is like or the defense it's like,
Speaker 2: well if you heard it while you ain't help his answer.
Speaker 2: I believe he's like, yo, Diddy is powerful. What was
Speaker 2: I supposed to do? Go in there and save her?
Speaker 2: And then something happened to me. He said, Cassie ran
Speaker 2: jumped on his lap. He's like, are you good, She's like,
Speaker 2: ca'm ca'm cam okay, And basically she had to perform
Speaker 2: after that. So here's the thing that I've been fucking with.
Speaker 1: As if you were of this.
Speaker 2: There's a text message where Diddy says, I love our
Speaker 2: freak offs when it's done right. Cassie can enjoy kinky things,
Speaker 2: but also need to be consenting and wanting and not
Speaker 2: be abused during And so that's where this juxtaposition of
Speaker 2: is there right and wrong? And I actually really do
Speaker 2: believe it is wrong. The escort was sitting there talking
Speaker 2: about what.
Speaker 1: Do I do?
Speaker 2: A grown ass man couldn't help you, and we just
Speaker 2: say things like Cassie could have walked away, y'all. Niggas
Speaker 2: can't leave a job you don't like.
Speaker 1: Like what? So that's the shit. For me, that felt
Speaker 1: like the worst.
Speaker 2: And so when I was reading this, I was like,
Speaker 2: oh my, this is all so tied together, like everything
Speaker 2: we read you could have only had sex with two people.
Speaker 1: Dunisia.
Speaker 2: The stories you've heard, not even unhorrible other people shows
Speaker 2: like there's always some manipulative thing that's happening to women.
Speaker 1: None of y'all niggas are fuck vidy, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean? And then what you let that? Bobby ask nigga,
Speaker 1: what would you? And he work at Tarja? What about Diddy?
Speaker 1: Like what are you gonna do?
Speaker 2: So that's the shit that makes me feel bad, and
Speaker 2: I think I have a lot of empathy because I
Speaker 2: I don't know if I could have left And what
Speaker 2: if you consent the first time? For those who have
Speaker 2: pre ordered, no hols pard, you'll get it in a
Speaker 2: few weeks.
Speaker 1: There is a very.
Speaker 2: Violent our word chapter for me, and one of the
Speaker 2: things I say in the chapter is well, I had
Speaker 2: sex with him before because I wanted to. So why
Speaker 2: if I told this story to people, they would have
Speaker 2: been like, oh, welly aren't you fucking already? So yeah,
Speaker 2: Like I completely understand how we're all confused on Cassie's
Speaker 2: consent versus non consent, even when she said he raped
Speaker 2: her after a closure talk that they had while she
Speaker 2: was dating her now husband, and then the defense said, well,
Speaker 2: did you have sex with him again? She goes, yeah,
Speaker 2: I did, but I loved him like I didn't know.
Speaker 2: We all assume when something bad happens to somebody done.
Speaker 2: But the Stockholm syndrome's real, and we all stick around.
Speaker 2: Not we all excuse me, but we are sticking around
Speaker 2: thinking it'll all change.
Speaker 1: It's a constant mind frame. It's the same with bad jobs.
Speaker 2: Oh fuck it, like I'll get promoted sooner, this will happen,
Speaker 2: like like something different will happen, and it doesn't. So
Speaker 2: now I know your man is in ditty girl to
Speaker 2: tie us all up. I think there's room to change.
Speaker 2: I think you have to hold the mirror up and
Speaker 2: talk about exactly how his actions are making you feel,
Speaker 2: and low key when you describe them, make him feel corny,
Speaker 2: be like you be doing all this, not in a
Speaker 2: shaming way of his sexuality, but like you doing this
Speaker 2: shit like I'm not even in the room, like really
Speaker 2: showing him how you feel.
Speaker 1: So hope that helps. Every Wednesday, You've got decisions.
Speaker 2: If you want to see the video for this and
Speaker 2: you're just listening, go to patreon dot com backslash Decision