1 00:00:01,680 --> 00:00:04,359 Speaker 1: If you would like to have us answer your questions. 2 00:00:04,559 --> 00:00:07,880 Speaker 2: If you have a terrible job, a terrible boyfriend, or 3 00:00:07,920 --> 00:00:14,240 Speaker 2: a terrible threatfle guess what You've got Decisions? Hey, y'all, 4 00:00:14,320 --> 00:00:18,120 Speaker 2: welcome back to another You've Got Decisions. I'm your girl, Wheezy. 5 00:00:18,280 --> 00:00:21,599 Speaker 2: I'm in the studio today with our producer Denisha, and 6 00:00:21,880 --> 00:00:24,479 Speaker 2: we're going to figure out what y'all got problems with 7 00:00:24,640 --> 00:00:28,400 Speaker 2: this time. If you haven't already pre ordered, no holds barred. 8 00:00:28,760 --> 00:00:32,680 Speaker 2: We have a masterclass that we actually have released Insane. 9 00:00:32,760 --> 00:00:35,760 Speaker 2: Mandy and I sit down go through modules on things 10 00:00:35,800 --> 00:00:39,400 Speaker 2: that are actually in the book, like hot Eat Pussy, 11 00:00:40,240 --> 00:00:43,360 Speaker 2: how to date correctly with a matchmaker, how to safely 12 00:00:43,440 --> 00:00:46,080 Speaker 2: practice BDSM, how to get over a breakup. There's so 13 00:00:46,120 --> 00:00:49,479 Speaker 2: many cool things attached. If you've already pre ordered, go 14 00:00:49,560 --> 00:00:52,800 Speaker 2: to the Decisions Decisions ig fill out the form, upload 15 00:00:52,800 --> 00:00:55,080 Speaker 2: your receipt whom you're in the master class. 16 00:00:55,240 --> 00:01:01,920 Speaker 1: Okay, let me lubricate this whole up problem. Well hmm, 17 00:01:02,880 --> 00:01:03,320 Speaker 1: now Bebby. 18 00:01:03,360 --> 00:01:06,480 Speaker 2: You know he should have left a voice message this 19 00:01:06,520 --> 00:01:10,039 Speaker 2: how loneess is okay? Hiweezy and Mandy, But today's Nisha. 20 00:01:10,520 --> 00:01:14,520 Speaker 2: Longtime listeners since twenty eighteen. Let me get to the point. Oh, then, 21 00:01:14,560 --> 00:01:17,319 Speaker 2: how are the five more paragroes. I apologize in advance 22 00:01:17,360 --> 00:01:19,480 Speaker 2: for this long message. My boyfriend and I have been 23 00:01:19,520 --> 00:01:23,600 Speaker 2: together for seven years. I'm thirty, he's thirty one. He 24 00:01:23,720 --> 00:01:27,600 Speaker 2: told me he discovered a kink that he enjoyed based 25 00:01:27,640 --> 00:01:28,720 Speaker 2: on some things that. 26 00:01:28,840 --> 00:01:31,360 Speaker 1: Happened early on in our relationship. 27 00:01:32,120 --> 00:01:34,360 Speaker 2: For the first year of us dating and being together, 28 00:01:34,600 --> 00:01:37,080 Speaker 2: I would occasionally talk to other guys, meaning talking text, 29 00:01:37,560 --> 00:01:39,960 Speaker 2: no dating or anything. They were like friends to me 30 00:01:40,080 --> 00:01:43,200 Speaker 2: because I'd known these guys years before I met my boyfriend. 31 00:01:43,680 --> 00:01:46,480 Speaker 2: Even though I knew a few of them liked me. 32 00:01:47,360 --> 00:01:49,200 Speaker 2: Of course, I saw no issue with talking to them. 33 00:01:49,200 --> 00:01:52,920 Speaker 2: I kept everything appropriate. My boyfriend didn't like it, expressed 34 00:01:52,920 --> 00:01:56,960 Speaker 2: how he felt disrespected. At the time, I was twenty 35 00:01:56,960 --> 00:01:59,040 Speaker 2: two to twenty three, I was young. 36 00:01:59,120 --> 00:02:00,480 Speaker 1: Oh they've been together ten y Wow. 37 00:02:01,000 --> 00:02:03,360 Speaker 2: Just called him insecure or thought he was controlling, And 38 00:02:03,400 --> 00:02:05,680 Speaker 2: after a real sit down and listening to his feelings, 39 00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:07,960 Speaker 2: I understood where he was coming from. And I realized 40 00:02:07,960 --> 00:02:10,080 Speaker 2: that none of the guys I was talking to serve purpose, 41 00:02:10,639 --> 00:02:12,080 Speaker 2: so I pretty much cut off communication. 42 00:02:13,880 --> 00:02:15,600 Speaker 1: Time goes on. 43 00:02:16,200 --> 00:02:19,560 Speaker 2: He's obsessing with trying to catch me with these guys 44 00:02:19,760 --> 00:02:22,520 Speaker 2: or excuse me of being with other guys, and I 45 00:02:22,560 --> 00:02:25,160 Speaker 2: was getting overwhelmed but trying to prove to him that 46 00:02:25,240 --> 00:02:28,000 Speaker 2: I wasn't doing anything. He eventually admitted to me three 47 00:02:28,080 --> 00:02:31,280 Speaker 2: years ago that he got a rush from reading old 48 00:02:31,360 --> 00:02:33,840 Speaker 2: dms and messages between me and the other guys. 49 00:02:33,840 --> 00:02:34,919 Speaker 1: Did you know it was gonna go there? Because I 50 00:02:34,960 --> 00:02:37,760 Speaker 1: knew he was gonna go there, it turned him on 51 00:02:38,320 --> 00:02:40,639 Speaker 1: the thought of him seeing me with another man. 52 00:02:41,480 --> 00:02:44,320 Speaker 2: He did his research and found out the kink behind 53 00:02:44,360 --> 00:02:47,920 Speaker 2: it is being called a hot life slash stag. He 54 00:02:48,000 --> 00:02:51,280 Speaker 2: informed me of everything and wanted to know how we 55 00:02:51,320 --> 00:02:54,480 Speaker 2: could keep this kink fantasy going for him, so I 56 00:02:54,480 --> 00:02:56,480 Speaker 2: agreed to try to figure it out, even though I 57 00:02:56,480 --> 00:02:57,400 Speaker 2: had no desire to. 58 00:02:57,360 --> 00:03:04,360 Speaker 1: Talk to another man. Girl, everybody listen is like okay. 59 00:03:04,720 --> 00:03:08,080 Speaker 2: We first tried with me just being myself and telling 60 00:03:08,160 --> 00:03:11,600 Speaker 2: him in detail with other experiences with men while we 61 00:03:11,600 --> 00:03:15,240 Speaker 2: were having sex, which was only because I've only been 62 00:03:15,280 --> 00:03:18,000 Speaker 2: with one other guy since him. Yes, I'm thirty and 63 00:03:18,040 --> 00:03:20,000 Speaker 2: I've only been with two guys. Ever, thank you for 64 00:03:20,040 --> 00:03:23,320 Speaker 2: listening to the show for so long. Or he would 65 00:03:23,360 --> 00:03:26,640 Speaker 2: like me to make up stories of being with some 66 00:03:26,680 --> 00:03:28,880 Speaker 2: of the guys that I was talking to in the beginning. 67 00:03:29,520 --> 00:03:31,320 Speaker 2: Once the kink was kind of getting old, I assume 68 00:03:31,320 --> 00:03:33,960 Speaker 2: you meant to say, we moved to fet life. He 69 00:03:34,000 --> 00:03:37,280 Speaker 2: would make a post seeking men to sext me on 70 00:03:37,400 --> 00:03:40,520 Speaker 2: Snapchat and he only wanted me to interact with guys 71 00:03:40,560 --> 00:03:42,160 Speaker 2: that were bigger than him and dick size. 72 00:03:43,720 --> 00:03:45,040 Speaker 1: What is up with this Kanye shit. 73 00:03:46,160 --> 00:03:47,760 Speaker 2: I'm not a shading a man, by the way, but 74 00:03:47,840 --> 00:03:51,160 Speaker 2: there is something with humiliation and dick size that is 75 00:03:51,240 --> 00:03:53,480 Speaker 2: go to for men, and humiliation is a part of 76 00:03:53,480 --> 00:03:56,920 Speaker 2: this kink too. Granted he isn't that small at all. 77 00:03:57,000 --> 00:03:58,920 Speaker 2: He's a good seven and a half to eight. I 78 00:03:59,000 --> 00:04:00,640 Speaker 2: did that for a while because I really started to 79 00:04:00,640 --> 00:04:03,360 Speaker 2: get annoyed because I didn't even like any of the guys, 80 00:04:03,640 --> 00:04:05,520 Speaker 2: which made it hard for me to have a fake 81 00:04:05,600 --> 00:04:09,920 Speaker 2: interest in sexting. Then we went on other apps like 82 00:04:09,960 --> 00:04:12,240 Speaker 2: black BLK and three fund. 83 00:04:13,240 --> 00:04:15,280 Speaker 1: I told him that sexty and which I never heard 84 00:04:15,360 --> 00:04:15,840 Speaker 1: three fund. 85 00:04:16,680 --> 00:04:19,520 Speaker 2: I told him that sexting the strangers made me uncomfortable 86 00:04:19,520 --> 00:04:21,240 Speaker 2: and I don't want to do it anymore, but he 87 00:04:21,360 --> 00:04:24,000 Speaker 2: just won't get the point. He would try to bring 88 00:04:24,040 --> 00:04:27,520 Speaker 2: that up and that doing this is helping him with jealousy, 89 00:04:28,120 --> 00:04:31,320 Speaker 2: and he's creating an open space for me to desire 90 00:04:31,360 --> 00:04:31,800 Speaker 2: other men. 91 00:04:32,600 --> 00:04:34,880 Speaker 1: The problem is I don't desire anyone else. 92 00:04:36,640 --> 00:04:39,000 Speaker 2: He would also say that I'm the reason that he 93 00:04:39,080 --> 00:04:41,440 Speaker 2: discovered this, and if I wouldn't have done what I 94 00:04:41,480 --> 00:04:43,400 Speaker 2: did in the vast we wouldn't be where we are now. 95 00:04:43,440 --> 00:04:46,080 Speaker 2: I'll just think shit, and I feel like it's affecting 96 00:04:46,080 --> 00:04:48,400 Speaker 2: our sex life because he always wants to talk to 97 00:04:48,440 --> 00:04:51,200 Speaker 2: me about other scenarios and I'm over it, even when 98 00:04:51,200 --> 00:04:51,960 Speaker 2: I make them up. 99 00:04:52,640 --> 00:04:53,680 Speaker 1: I don't know what else to do. 100 00:04:54,320 --> 00:04:56,040 Speaker 2: Every time I try to tell him I'm not interested 101 00:04:56,040 --> 00:04:58,160 Speaker 2: in the kink, he tries to say that I'm judging 102 00:04:58,240 --> 00:05:00,839 Speaker 2: him or kink shaming, and I'm not any advice on 103 00:05:00,880 --> 00:05:02,920 Speaker 2: how I could get him to truly understand that I 104 00:05:02,920 --> 00:05:06,159 Speaker 2: don't want to act on this. Well, no shade, Sis, 105 00:05:06,279 --> 00:05:08,039 Speaker 2: I'm not going to shade your relationship or this cake. 106 00:05:08,080 --> 00:05:13,040 Speaker 2: But you could have got that out in a paragraph, Denise. No, no, no, 107 00:05:13,279 --> 00:05:17,159 Speaker 2: I'm actually joking. I kind of like it because the 108 00:05:17,200 --> 00:05:21,960 Speaker 2: extra detail makes it more fun. But I don't even 109 00:05:22,040 --> 00:05:25,000 Speaker 2: know what to say because I know everyone if you 110 00:05:25,160 --> 00:05:28,479 Speaker 2: like a cook, cook and hot wife. I wanted to 111 00:05:28,520 --> 00:05:33,919 Speaker 2: read that cutcolding is watching someone else have sex with 112 00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:38,680 Speaker 2: your partner while you do nothing. The hot wife, at 113 00:05:38,720 --> 00:05:42,520 Speaker 2: its core is a woman that has sexual relationships with 114 00:05:42,560 --> 00:05:46,960 Speaker 2: other men with consent, full knowledge, and sometimes and most 115 00:05:47,000 --> 00:05:50,440 Speaker 2: times with encouragement of the other partner. It's normally a 116 00:05:50,480 --> 00:05:53,800 Speaker 2: married woman who gets to fuck as many people as 117 00:05:53,800 --> 00:05:58,320 Speaker 2: you want, and the husband doesn't do it himself, because 118 00:05:58,360 --> 00:06:00,680 Speaker 2: then in that case it would then be like lifestyle, 119 00:06:00,760 --> 00:06:04,760 Speaker 2: open relationship whatever. A stag is the man itself. So 120 00:06:05,600 --> 00:06:09,760 Speaker 2: here's what I would tell you, he's getting a little 121 00:06:09,839 --> 00:06:11,400 Speaker 2: ridiculous with every time you have sex. 122 00:06:11,440 --> 00:06:12,320 Speaker 1: He needs to talk about this. 123 00:06:12,720 --> 00:06:14,599 Speaker 2: If every time I had sex I needed to get choked, 124 00:06:14,640 --> 00:06:18,320 Speaker 2: I couldn't even do that. I don't know how to 125 00:06:18,640 --> 00:06:22,200 Speaker 2: explicitly give you advice on how to tell someone no, 126 00:06:23,040 --> 00:06:24,440 Speaker 2: because the no isn't. 127 00:06:24,240 --> 00:06:28,240 Speaker 1: Seeming to work. The only thing that I would try 128 00:06:28,240 --> 00:06:28,600 Speaker 1: to do. 129 00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:34,120 Speaker 2: Is tell him that since because it seems like you 130 00:06:34,200 --> 00:06:35,960 Speaker 2: did enjoy it in the beginning, or it could have 131 00:06:35,960 --> 00:06:41,480 Speaker 2: been fun, but then it's like this became something obsessive. Okay, 132 00:06:41,600 --> 00:06:44,640 Speaker 2: he's being very manipulative by telling you it's kink shaming. 133 00:06:45,400 --> 00:06:47,280 Speaker 2: You're going to have to hold the mirror up and 134 00:06:47,320 --> 00:06:49,960 Speaker 2: be like, yo, when is the last time you had 135 00:06:50,000 --> 00:06:52,320 Speaker 2: sex with me and we didn't bring up other people. 136 00:06:53,240 --> 00:06:55,919 Speaker 2: This isn't about me kink shaming. This is about me 137 00:06:55,960 --> 00:06:59,560 Speaker 2: wanting to just have sex with you. I'm interested in you. 138 00:06:59,560 --> 00:07:02,640 Speaker 2: You see to be interested in other things while fucking me. 139 00:07:03,279 --> 00:07:08,120 Speaker 2: It makes me feel like XYZ. Sometimes just saying I 140 00:07:08,120 --> 00:07:10,800 Speaker 2: don't want to I'm bored, da da da. It gives 141 00:07:10,840 --> 00:07:13,920 Speaker 2: people this openness to thinking we just need persuasiveness or 142 00:07:13,920 --> 00:07:15,160 Speaker 2: we're just not horny enough. 143 00:07:15,720 --> 00:07:18,040 Speaker 1: You have to actually talk about how it makes you feel. 144 00:07:19,000 --> 00:07:21,840 Speaker 2: You can say even things where it sounds ridiculous maybe 145 00:07:21,880 --> 00:07:25,200 Speaker 2: to him, But sometimes I feel like you don't even 146 00:07:25,280 --> 00:07:28,920 Speaker 2: enjoy this fantasy with me. This is about just having 147 00:07:29,000 --> 00:07:31,200 Speaker 2: someone to do it with you. And I don't know 148 00:07:31,240 --> 00:07:33,400 Speaker 2: if I could keep exploring something that doesn't feel like 149 00:07:33,400 --> 00:07:36,200 Speaker 2: it's an US thing. I figured having sex with you 150 00:07:36,600 --> 00:07:40,440 Speaker 2: would be something exciting for us. Feels very one sided. 151 00:07:41,000 --> 00:07:42,880 Speaker 2: I feel like you don't want to please me at all. 152 00:07:43,280 --> 00:07:46,280 Speaker 2: Like those are ways to hold up the mirror, because 153 00:07:46,680 --> 00:07:48,320 Speaker 2: it is crazy that as women we have to. 154 00:07:48,280 --> 00:07:50,680 Speaker 1: Be like no, no, no no. 155 00:07:51,360 --> 00:07:53,120 Speaker 2: I also almost feel a little bad for joking, like 156 00:07:53,200 --> 00:07:56,040 Speaker 2: go fuck that other nigga, because when we hear this story, 157 00:07:56,080 --> 00:07:58,680 Speaker 2: we're like, duh, we want to try this thing, but 158 00:07:58,720 --> 00:08:01,280 Speaker 2: it's not like that for everybody, And so I think 159 00:08:01,360 --> 00:08:02,920 Speaker 2: I want to use this time to maybe talk about 160 00:08:02,960 --> 00:08:05,560 Speaker 2: something where we were like, I'm not into that. 161 00:08:05,920 --> 00:08:08,120 Speaker 1: Is it happening you yet? I feel like you ain't 162 00:08:08,160 --> 00:08:09,440 Speaker 1: fuck a lot ofth No. 163 00:08:09,680 --> 00:08:12,600 Speaker 3: I'm also like her thirty and of only mimity people, 164 00:08:12,720 --> 00:08:17,040 Speaker 3: so I can relate to a sist. But honestly, you 165 00:08:17,280 --> 00:08:20,960 Speaker 3: know nothing that I haven't been. No. 166 00:08:21,680 --> 00:08:25,480 Speaker 2: I've had just exploring on apps like sex apps and stuff. 167 00:08:26,080 --> 00:08:31,000 Speaker 2: A lot of people tell me that their partners couldn't 168 00:08:31,240 --> 00:08:33,679 Speaker 2: exercise this kink with them and that's why they were 169 00:08:33,679 --> 00:08:34,600 Speaker 2: on the apps. 170 00:08:35,120 --> 00:08:39,079 Speaker 1: I wonder if there's a world for that, Like are you. 171 00:08:39,040 --> 00:08:40,960 Speaker 2: Even comfortable with that? Can he just do this thing 172 00:08:40,960 --> 00:08:44,560 Speaker 2: and you're not included in this fantasy? That's also ridiculous 173 00:08:44,840 --> 00:08:46,880 Speaker 2: as a suggestion, because I know that's not what you 174 00:08:46,920 --> 00:08:49,680 Speaker 2: want to hear. But I guess I'm trying to find 175 00:08:49,720 --> 00:08:52,720 Speaker 2: the world where when I answer some of these questions, 176 00:08:52,760 --> 00:08:55,880 Speaker 2: and I'm talking outside of you right now, when I 177 00:08:55,920 --> 00:09:00,080 Speaker 2: answer some of these questions, am I giving you the 178 00:09:00,160 --> 00:09:01,560 Speaker 2: advice that I would want. 179 00:09:01,880 --> 00:09:02,920 Speaker 1: Here's my real advice. 180 00:09:04,360 --> 00:09:07,120 Speaker 2: I don't know how safe I would feel in a 181 00:09:07,120 --> 00:09:10,800 Speaker 2: relationship where I'm constantly being told I'm kink shamey, or 182 00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:13,120 Speaker 2: I did something wrong and now I have to sexually 183 00:09:13,160 --> 00:09:13,920 Speaker 2: act on something. 184 00:09:14,280 --> 00:09:14,360 Speaker 3: Now. 185 00:09:14,360 --> 00:09:17,040 Speaker 2: I don't want to make it too dark. But did 186 00:09:17,040 --> 00:09:22,079 Speaker 2: he Cassie Coercion. Sure he's not that bad or rich 187 00:09:22,120 --> 00:09:25,920 Speaker 2: and famous, but this is all like umbrella of manipulative 188 00:09:25,960 --> 00:09:28,880 Speaker 2: sex and that shit don't feel good. In the book, 189 00:09:28,920 --> 00:09:32,040 Speaker 2: I even talk about my ex saying to me, there 190 00:09:32,040 --> 00:09:33,680 Speaker 2: were these girls I wanted to fuck us. It would 191 00:09:33,679 --> 00:09:37,319 Speaker 2: have been our first like foursome, and these girls wanted 192 00:09:37,320 --> 00:09:39,440 Speaker 2: to hit He literally looks at me like, come on, baby, 193 00:09:39,480 --> 00:09:42,000 Speaker 2: we can't have fun tonight. And now I'm like, oh 194 00:09:42,040 --> 00:09:44,360 Speaker 2: my god, I'm the girl that's boring, Like this is 195 00:09:44,400 --> 00:09:47,160 Speaker 2: all manipulative shit, and they know that they can get 196 00:09:47,200 --> 00:09:50,320 Speaker 2: away with these things because we love them. We want 197 00:09:50,360 --> 00:09:55,120 Speaker 2: to be down and the same thing should be going 198 00:09:55,160 --> 00:09:59,679 Speaker 2: for men. How many women have been wanting DP or 199 00:09:59,760 --> 00:10:02,400 Speaker 2: three some of two guys and it's a hard But 200 00:10:03,080 --> 00:10:04,480 Speaker 2: I don't know what it is about us that makes 201 00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:06,800 Speaker 2: them say, my girl will be okay, she'll do it. 202 00:10:06,800 --> 00:10:15,040 Speaker 1: She'll figure it out. So how do you do it? 203 00:10:15,080 --> 00:10:19,600 Speaker 3: Because you and your partner are in an open okay, 204 00:10:19,679 --> 00:10:22,120 Speaker 3: So like when you, let's say, one night, he wants 205 00:10:22,160 --> 00:10:23,800 Speaker 3: to do something but you don't like, how do you 206 00:10:23,840 --> 00:10:26,480 Speaker 3: tell him? 207 00:10:26,800 --> 00:10:31,400 Speaker 2: Well, I'm lucky that he's understanding, because recently we were 208 00:10:31,400 --> 00:10:33,240 Speaker 2: at Labain. They have a really fun Wednesday night in 209 00:10:33,280 --> 00:10:36,000 Speaker 2: New York. It's like Afrobe's and I'm a piano and 210 00:10:36,000 --> 00:10:38,920 Speaker 2: we love that shit. So we get girl's numbers. Sometimes 211 00:10:39,240 --> 00:10:42,440 Speaker 2: there was a girl it was. She was gorgeous, but 212 00:10:42,559 --> 00:10:45,080 Speaker 2: I just wasn't in a mood that day, and he 213 00:10:45,120 --> 00:10:48,040 Speaker 2: wasn't even asking me to have sex with her. He said, oh, 214 00:10:48,040 --> 00:10:49,520 Speaker 2: what do you think? Like she's been flirting with us, 215 00:10:49,600 --> 00:10:53,559 Speaker 2: like can we go get her number? And I said okay, 216 00:10:54,520 --> 00:10:55,880 Speaker 2: just very reluctant. 217 00:10:56,280 --> 00:10:59,319 Speaker 1: He then said, now he picked up. 218 00:11:00,280 --> 00:11:03,199 Speaker 2: I don't want we And maybe he didn't say it 219 00:11:03,200 --> 00:11:06,640 Speaker 2: as eloquently as like I love doing Hell, yes, it's 220 00:11:06,640 --> 00:11:09,960 Speaker 2: with you consent. He literally said, we aint about to 221 00:11:09,960 --> 00:11:12,600 Speaker 2: fight tomorrow over this bitch if you ain't Hell, yes, 222 00:11:12,640 --> 00:11:13,240 Speaker 2: I ain't in it. 223 00:11:13,280 --> 00:11:15,400 Speaker 1: Fuck that help and we go and we dancey a 224 00:11:15,400 --> 00:11:15,840 Speaker 1: good time. 225 00:11:16,400 --> 00:11:18,160 Speaker 2: And I brought this up when we did keV on 226 00:11:18,200 --> 00:11:21,040 Speaker 2: stage because I was like, Yo, people need to read 227 00:11:21,080 --> 00:11:24,440 Speaker 2: each other, and good partnership looks like reading and loving. 228 00:11:25,000 --> 00:11:27,280 Speaker 2: And I've had good boyfriends that I've broken up with. 229 00:11:27,280 --> 00:11:29,880 Speaker 2: I've had bad boyfriends I've broken up with. But a 230 00:11:29,920 --> 00:11:31,680 Speaker 2: lot of this all tied into how well do you 231 00:11:31,720 --> 00:11:35,280 Speaker 2: know somebody? Your partner not realizing that he's starting to 232 00:11:35,280 --> 00:11:37,120 Speaker 2: push you like that is a problem. And I do 233 00:11:37,160 --> 00:11:39,360 Speaker 2: think these things to be fixed. I think you got 234 00:11:39,400 --> 00:11:43,400 Speaker 2: to reconnect, like just the two of you, and he's 235 00:11:43,440 --> 00:11:47,840 Speaker 2: got to know that because ten years is long, and 236 00:11:47,920 --> 00:11:50,599 Speaker 2: so if this is his new thing, we got to 237 00:11:50,600 --> 00:11:53,000 Speaker 2: figure out where I exist in this thing. 238 00:11:53,520 --> 00:11:58,320 Speaker 1: If I don't want it. Let's just say this is extreme, 239 00:11:58,840 --> 00:12:02,880 Speaker 1: but I'm thinking about it. Ask my partner dated. 240 00:12:02,640 --> 00:12:07,880 Speaker 2: A girl that liked to be super choked out, hit, dominated, crazy, 241 00:12:08,000 --> 00:12:11,199 Speaker 2: spit on all of it. I could like some of 242 00:12:11,240 --> 00:12:16,560 Speaker 2: these things in moderation, and after that girl, I feel 243 00:12:16,559 --> 00:12:18,600 Speaker 2: like he's maybe had a little bit of a thirst 244 00:12:18,600 --> 00:12:19,120 Speaker 2: for it too. 245 00:12:20,080 --> 00:12:21,319 Speaker 1: I know I can't handle it. 246 00:12:21,800 --> 00:12:24,319 Speaker 2: So we got to talk about how I exist If 247 00:12:24,320 --> 00:12:26,720 Speaker 2: you got this thing, where does Weezy come in? 248 00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:28,840 Speaker 1: If you're going to have this thing now? 249 00:12:29,280 --> 00:12:31,880 Speaker 2: According to him, he's like, I don't need it whatever, 250 00:12:31,920 --> 00:12:35,559 Speaker 2: I'm not dripping, it's not something I crave. I think 251 00:12:35,600 --> 00:12:38,200 Speaker 2: in five years this might come on now you really 252 00:12:38,240 --> 00:12:40,439 Speaker 2: want to be on your domb shit, And I think 253 00:12:40,480 --> 00:12:42,760 Speaker 2: we got to talk about where that comes to the plate. 254 00:12:42,800 --> 00:12:45,400 Speaker 2: Will I change my mind? Will you only do this? 255 00:12:45,679 --> 00:12:47,000 Speaker 2: Will you do it in front of me? Will I 256 00:12:47,040 --> 00:12:47,600 Speaker 2: act it out? 257 00:12:47,679 --> 00:12:51,239 Speaker 1: Like shit? Maybe your man turns into. 258 00:12:51,000 --> 00:12:52,760 Speaker 2: One of the guys that are fucking a hot wife, 259 00:12:52,800 --> 00:12:54,880 Speaker 2: Like where can we all exist? And maybe you like 260 00:12:54,960 --> 00:12:57,920 Speaker 2: watching it, but there has to be a place where 261 00:12:57,960 --> 00:13:00,560 Speaker 2: you can exist in someone's sexuality, even if you're not there. 262 00:13:00,960 --> 00:13:03,480 Speaker 2: And I think that's what's really needing to be talked 263 00:13:03,480 --> 00:13:06,960 Speaker 2: about with y'all. I hope that's a helpful answer, because 264 00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:09,959 Speaker 2: it's so hard to answer questions like this in the 265 00:13:10,000 --> 00:13:14,720 Speaker 2: middle of all this Diddy cash Cassie shit, Because fuck, 266 00:13:15,559 --> 00:13:17,920 Speaker 2: waking up every day and seeing it is just like, 267 00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:24,400 Speaker 2: what's the worst thing you think you thought you read 268 00:13:24,400 --> 00:13:25,440 Speaker 2: from the Diddy Cassie shit? 269 00:13:28,080 --> 00:13:35,600 Speaker 3: Umm, the worst thing that I saw or heard from it? Honestly, 270 00:13:35,600 --> 00:13:38,440 Speaker 3: anything that has to do with like drugs or being druggs. 271 00:13:38,720 --> 00:13:42,480 Speaker 3: I feel like that's like just so against your will, Like. 272 00:13:43,400 --> 00:13:48,200 Speaker 2: You know, I didn't hear anything yet about I know 273 00:13:48,280 --> 00:13:50,680 Speaker 2: she was doing drugs. I didn't know she was like 274 00:13:51,120 --> 00:13:53,000 Speaker 2: being drugged. In my head, when I think of being drugged, 275 00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:54,280 Speaker 2: I think, oh my god, you woke up and something 276 00:13:54,360 --> 00:13:54,720 Speaker 2: was different. 277 00:13:55,360 --> 00:13:56,360 Speaker 1: My worst thing so far. 278 00:13:56,400 --> 00:13:59,880 Speaker 2: I'm listening to this podcast BBC Diddy All Trial, y'all 279 00:13:59,880 --> 00:14:00,320 Speaker 2: go listen. 280 00:14:00,320 --> 00:14:03,400 Speaker 1: It's every day. It's tea. And I don't mean that and. 281 00:14:03,440 --> 00:14:04,839 Speaker 2: Know like, oh my god, I love this happening way. 282 00:14:04,960 --> 00:14:06,600 Speaker 2: I'm just saying, it's a great way to listen and 283 00:14:06,679 --> 00:14:07,719 Speaker 2: to ray from the shade room. 284 00:14:07,800 --> 00:14:12,120 Speaker 1: Dad Nigga be my lawyer. Okay. 285 00:14:12,559 --> 00:14:14,440 Speaker 2: There was an episode on The Diddy Trial and DBC 286 00:14:14,559 --> 00:14:18,040 Speaker 2: where the girl said that the male escort was like 287 00:14:18,960 --> 00:14:21,080 Speaker 2: I didn't even know what to do when Cassie was 288 00:14:21,080 --> 00:14:23,760 Speaker 2: getting beat because Diddy is so powerful. 289 00:14:25,840 --> 00:14:26,600 Speaker 1: Oh yeah. 290 00:14:26,640 --> 00:14:28,720 Speaker 2: So basically, as the story goes, there was a male 291 00:14:28,880 --> 00:14:32,760 Speaker 2: escort that was brought in to have sex with Ditty 292 00:14:32,760 --> 00:14:35,880 Speaker 2: and Cassie. He said the first time Diddy was covered 293 00:14:36,040 --> 00:14:38,680 Speaker 2: hat bandana, he said he even knew because of the 294 00:14:38,760 --> 00:14:41,440 Speaker 2: voice and just the presence a loan. And then he 295 00:14:41,520 --> 00:14:44,040 Speaker 2: came back a few times and he said one of 296 00:14:44,080 --> 00:14:45,760 Speaker 2: the times he would just stay, smoke, chill. They would 297 00:14:46,120 --> 00:14:48,640 Speaker 2: do it for hours, right. Ain't that the crazy part 298 00:14:48,640 --> 00:14:50,600 Speaker 2: of this whole Diddy trial too? Everything is four to 299 00:14:50,600 --> 00:14:52,240 Speaker 2: eight hours, Like the bitch is a cloth. I'm like, 300 00:14:53,280 --> 00:14:54,520 Speaker 2: I would oh my god. 301 00:14:54,640 --> 00:14:57,360 Speaker 1: I mean Krisha said, don't go to sleep. She did 302 00:14:57,480 --> 00:14:58,880 Speaker 1: sayday this nigga all sleep. 303 00:14:59,440 --> 00:15:03,040 Speaker 2: So but that's also drug shit if you're a cocaine 304 00:15:03,600 --> 00:15:05,800 Speaker 2: at meta infetamine. Like what I'm gonna do with this 305 00:15:05,840 --> 00:15:07,440 Speaker 2: Hollywood life of like uh uh up? 306 00:15:08,160 --> 00:15:09,560 Speaker 1: So long story. 307 00:15:09,560 --> 00:15:14,960 Speaker 2: Short mail escort says Cassie was on her computer. Diddy said, 308 00:15:15,000 --> 00:15:17,560 Speaker 2: came here. She said, hold on, hold on, hold on. 309 00:15:18,200 --> 00:15:21,120 Speaker 2: She wanted to tie things up, I guess. So he 310 00:15:21,160 --> 00:15:21,800 Speaker 2: came in the room. 311 00:15:21,800 --> 00:15:23,960 Speaker 1: He can hear this. You come when I. 312 00:15:23,920 --> 00:15:27,200 Speaker 2: Say come, and she was like, I'm sorry, It's just 313 00:15:27,240 --> 00:15:29,000 Speaker 2: I have personal stuff on here. I wanted to wrap 314 00:15:29,040 --> 00:15:33,080 Speaker 2: it up. And then he started to hear her getting abused. 315 00:15:34,440 --> 00:15:37,480 Speaker 2: Now the prosecution is like or the defense it's like, 316 00:15:37,720 --> 00:15:40,760 Speaker 2: well if you heard it while you ain't help his answer. 317 00:15:41,920 --> 00:15:46,880 Speaker 2: I believe he's like, yo, Diddy is powerful. What was 318 00:15:46,880 --> 00:15:49,240 Speaker 2: I supposed to do? Go in there and save her? 319 00:15:49,240 --> 00:15:52,240 Speaker 2: And then something happened to me. He said, Cassie ran 320 00:15:52,400 --> 00:15:54,200 Speaker 2: jumped on his lap. He's like, are you good, She's like, 321 00:15:54,280 --> 00:15:57,800 Speaker 2: ca'm ca'm cam okay, And basically she had to perform 322 00:15:57,840 --> 00:16:02,160 Speaker 2: after that. So here's the thing that I've been fucking with. 323 00:16:02,240 --> 00:16:03,040 Speaker 1: As if you were of this. 324 00:16:04,120 --> 00:16:06,600 Speaker 2: There's a text message where Diddy says, I love our 325 00:16:06,640 --> 00:16:12,880 Speaker 2: freak offs when it's done right. Cassie can enjoy kinky things, 326 00:16:12,920 --> 00:16:15,840 Speaker 2: but also need to be consenting and wanting and not 327 00:16:15,920 --> 00:16:20,280 Speaker 2: be abused during And so that's where this juxtaposition of 328 00:16:20,760 --> 00:16:22,680 Speaker 2: is there right and wrong? And I actually really do 329 00:16:22,760 --> 00:16:26,880 Speaker 2: believe it is wrong. The escort was sitting there talking 330 00:16:26,880 --> 00:16:27,480 Speaker 2: about what. 331 00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:28,040 Speaker 1: Do I do? 332 00:16:28,440 --> 00:16:32,040 Speaker 2: A grown ass man couldn't help you, and we just 333 00:16:32,080 --> 00:16:35,080 Speaker 2: say things like Cassie could have walked away, y'all. Niggas 334 00:16:35,120 --> 00:16:39,600 Speaker 2: can't leave a job you don't like. 335 00:16:37,960 --> 00:16:42,320 Speaker 1: Like what? So that's the shit. For me, that felt 336 00:16:42,320 --> 00:16:42,920 Speaker 1: like the worst. 337 00:16:43,320 --> 00:16:44,760 Speaker 2: And so when I was reading this, I was like, 338 00:16:44,760 --> 00:16:48,120 Speaker 2: oh my, this is all so tied together, like everything 339 00:16:48,160 --> 00:16:50,520 Speaker 2: we read you could have only had sex with two people. 340 00:16:50,600 --> 00:16:50,960 Speaker 1: Dunisia. 341 00:16:51,560 --> 00:16:54,360 Speaker 2: The stories you've heard, not even unhorrible other people shows 342 00:16:54,400 --> 00:16:58,240 Speaker 2: like there's always some manipulative thing that's happening to women. 343 00:16:58,920 --> 00:17:01,920 Speaker 1: None of y'all niggas are fuck vidy, you know what 344 00:17:01,960 --> 00:17:04,760 Speaker 1: I mean? And then what you let that? Bobby ask nigga, 345 00:17:05,040 --> 00:17:08,760 Speaker 1: what would you? And he work at Tarja? What about Diddy? 346 00:17:09,080 --> 00:17:09,960 Speaker 1: Like what are you gonna do? 347 00:17:10,440 --> 00:17:12,760 Speaker 2: So that's the shit that makes me feel bad, and 348 00:17:13,359 --> 00:17:16,520 Speaker 2: I think I have a lot of empathy because I 349 00:17:16,520 --> 00:17:18,560 Speaker 2: I don't know if I could have left And what 350 00:17:18,640 --> 00:17:21,760 Speaker 2: if you consent the first time? For those who have 351 00:17:22,400 --> 00:17:24,919 Speaker 2: pre ordered, no hols pard, you'll get it in a 352 00:17:24,960 --> 00:17:25,560 Speaker 2: few weeks. 353 00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:27,280 Speaker 1: There is a very. 354 00:17:27,119 --> 00:17:31,840 Speaker 2: Violent our word chapter for me, and one of the 355 00:17:31,840 --> 00:17:36,160 Speaker 2: things I say in the chapter is well, I had 356 00:17:36,200 --> 00:17:40,960 Speaker 2: sex with him before because I wanted to. So why 357 00:17:41,320 --> 00:17:43,119 Speaker 2: if I told this story to people, they would have 358 00:17:43,119 --> 00:17:46,879 Speaker 2: been like, oh, welly aren't you fucking already? So yeah, 359 00:17:46,920 --> 00:17:51,720 Speaker 2: Like I completely understand how we're all confused on Cassie's 360 00:17:51,720 --> 00:17:55,960 Speaker 2: consent versus non consent, even when she said he raped 361 00:17:56,000 --> 00:18:00,080 Speaker 2: her after a closure talk that they had while she 362 00:18:00,119 --> 00:18:03,520 Speaker 2: was dating her now husband, and then the defense said, well, 363 00:18:03,560 --> 00:18:05,359 Speaker 2: did you have sex with him again? She goes, yeah, 364 00:18:05,359 --> 00:18:07,959 Speaker 2: I did, but I loved him like I didn't know. 365 00:18:08,680 --> 00:18:14,240 Speaker 2: We all assume when something bad happens to somebody done. 366 00:18:14,680 --> 00:18:18,040 Speaker 2: But the Stockholm syndrome's real, and we all stick around. 367 00:18:18,080 --> 00:18:20,720 Speaker 2: Not we all excuse me, but we are sticking around 368 00:18:20,720 --> 00:18:21,920 Speaker 2: thinking it'll all change. 369 00:18:22,040 --> 00:18:24,800 Speaker 1: It's a constant mind frame. It's the same with bad jobs. 370 00:18:25,280 --> 00:18:27,600 Speaker 2: Oh fuck it, like I'll get promoted sooner, this will happen, 371 00:18:27,640 --> 00:18:30,600 Speaker 2: like like something different will happen, and it doesn't. So 372 00:18:30,680 --> 00:18:32,399 Speaker 2: now I know your man is in ditty girl to 373 00:18:32,440 --> 00:18:35,359 Speaker 2: tie us all up. I think there's room to change. 374 00:18:35,400 --> 00:18:37,199 Speaker 2: I think you have to hold the mirror up and 375 00:18:37,240 --> 00:18:40,200 Speaker 2: talk about exactly how his actions are making you feel, 376 00:18:40,400 --> 00:18:43,920 Speaker 2: and low key when you describe them, make him feel corny, 377 00:18:44,119 --> 00:18:46,159 Speaker 2: be like you be doing all this, not in a 378 00:18:46,160 --> 00:18:48,679 Speaker 2: shaming way of his sexuality, but like you doing this 379 00:18:48,720 --> 00:18:52,520 Speaker 2: shit like I'm not even in the room, like really 380 00:18:52,640 --> 00:18:53,680 Speaker 2: showing him how you feel. 381 00:18:53,720 --> 00:18:56,560 Speaker 1: So hope that helps. Every Wednesday, You've got decisions. 382 00:18:56,560 --> 00:18:58,119 Speaker 2: If you want to see the video for this and 383 00:18:58,200 --> 00:19:01,639 Speaker 2: you're just listening, go to patreon dot com backslash Decision