1 00:00:15,476 --> 00:00:24,076 Speaker 1: Pushkin any Happiness Lab listeners. It's just about the start 2 00:00:24,076 --> 00:00:26,676 Speaker 1: of summer, which means we're finally coming to the end 3 00:00:26,716 --> 00:00:30,196 Speaker 1: of our special series on spring Cleaning Your Happiness. But 4 00:00:30,476 --> 00:00:33,396 Speaker 1: since swimsuit season is around the corner, I wanted to 5 00:00:33,476 --> 00:00:36,196 Speaker 1: end this series with one final thing that many of 6 00:00:36,236 --> 00:00:38,676 Speaker 1: us need to let go of to boost our happiness. 7 00:00:39,116 --> 00:00:42,356 Speaker 1: We need to clear out our body shame. With social 8 00:00:42,396 --> 00:00:45,876 Speaker 1: media feeds filled with bikini body workouts and look smaxing tips, 9 00:00:46,316 --> 00:00:48,476 Speaker 1: it can be very easy to not only beat yourself 10 00:00:48,556 --> 00:00:50,796 Speaker 1: up about what you look like, but also to turn 11 00:00:50,836 --> 00:00:53,916 Speaker 1: exercise into some form of body hatred. But what if 12 00:00:53,956 --> 00:00:57,316 Speaker 1: you swept away all that self loathing and embraced moving 13 00:00:57,396 --> 00:01:00,796 Speaker 1: the only body you'll ever have in a healthier, happier way. 14 00:01:01,396 --> 00:01:04,516 Speaker 1: What have you exercised without trying to transform what your 15 00:01:04,516 --> 00:01:07,476 Speaker 1: body looked like? That is what we'll be exploring in 16 00:01:07,476 --> 00:01:10,476 Speaker 1: today's throwback episode. It's a show we ran a few 17 00:01:10,516 --> 00:01:13,276 Speaker 1: years ago in January, another time of year when we 18 00:01:13,316 --> 00:01:16,276 Speaker 1: tend to fall into body hatred spirals, and it features 19 00:01:16,316 --> 00:01:19,556 Speaker 1: an inspirational yoga teacher and author who's changed the way 20 00:01:19,556 --> 00:01:23,556 Speaker 1: that I personally relate to exercise. Jessamine Stanley spent most 21 00:01:23,596 --> 00:01:26,316 Speaker 1: of her life identifying as what she called a quote 22 00:01:26,556 --> 00:01:30,956 Speaker 1: fat and awkward weirdo. Jessamine avoided exercise at all costs 23 00:01:31,436 --> 00:01:33,956 Speaker 1: until she realized that it was her own body shaming 24 00:01:33,996 --> 00:01:36,596 Speaker 1: mind that was holding her back. So in our final 25 00:01:36,676 --> 00:01:39,596 Speaker 1: spring cleaning episode of the Happiness Lab, get ready to 26 00:01:39,756 --> 00:01:42,196 Speaker 1: wash away your body shame and learn how you can 27 00:01:42,236 --> 00:01:46,116 Speaker 1: refresh your relationship to movement. That's all coming up right 28 00:01:46,156 --> 00:02:08,836 Speaker 1: after some quick words from the Happiness Lab sponsors. On 29 00:02:08,916 --> 00:02:11,236 Speaker 1: the face of it, moving your body should be a 30 00:02:11,276 --> 00:02:14,356 Speaker 1: really good New Year's happiness goal. Most research shows that 31 00:02:14,436 --> 00:02:18,316 Speaker 1: exercise makes us feel good. In fact, one study showed 32 00:02:18,356 --> 00:02:20,356 Speaker 1: that a half hour of cardio a day could be 33 00:02:20,396 --> 00:02:23,596 Speaker 1: as effective for reducing symptoms of depression as taking an 34 00:02:23,636 --> 00:02:27,756 Speaker 1: antidepressant medication. So I should applaud the fact about half 35 00:02:27,836 --> 00:02:29,916 Speaker 1: of us intend to exercise more in the new year. 36 00:02:30,596 --> 00:02:33,516 Speaker 1: The problem is, I worry we're kind of not doing 37 00:02:33,556 --> 00:02:35,876 Speaker 1: it right. For many of us, hitting the gym isn't 38 00:02:35,876 --> 00:02:39,476 Speaker 1: about enjoying ourselves or feeling better. It's about looking better. 39 00:02:39,956 --> 00:02:42,876 Speaker 1: It's about not really liking our bodies and trying to 40 00:02:42,876 --> 00:02:45,516 Speaker 1: get them to look like the ones we see on Instagram. 41 00:02:45,636 --> 00:02:48,476 Speaker 1: But could there be a more compassionate, more happiness inducing 42 00:02:48,476 --> 00:02:50,796 Speaker 1: way to get our bodies moving, and one that could 43 00:02:50,836 --> 00:02:53,716 Speaker 1: help us achieve a bigger well being boost than we think. 44 00:02:54,316 --> 00:02:56,796 Speaker 1: Of course there is, So if you're ready to learn 45 00:02:56,836 --> 00:02:59,596 Speaker 1: how to be happier through movement, then join me doctor 46 00:02:59,636 --> 00:03:03,636 Speaker 1: Laurie Santos for this final New Year episode of the Happiness. 47 00:03:03,236 --> 00:03:09,556 Speaker 2: Last You Know, I think that they're it was a 48 00:03:09,596 --> 00:03:12,316 Speaker 2: time that I did really enjoy movement. 49 00:03:12,796 --> 00:03:15,116 Speaker 1: This is one of my heroes, jessem and Stanley. 50 00:03:15,356 --> 00:03:17,756 Speaker 2: I used to love just like running around in the 51 00:03:17,836 --> 00:03:21,036 Speaker 2: yard and like run a lap and ask my mom 52 00:03:21,156 --> 00:03:23,356 Speaker 2: to time me just so that I can know how 53 00:03:23,436 --> 00:03:25,436 Speaker 2: fast I am, or like I would just try to 54 00:03:25,516 --> 00:03:27,276 Speaker 2: turn cart wheels just because I can. 55 00:03:27,876 --> 00:03:30,876 Speaker 1: Jessa Men's childlike love moving her body was pretty short 56 00:03:30,876 --> 00:03:34,316 Speaker 1: lived because, like me, Jessseman grew up as a chubby kid. 57 00:03:34,796 --> 00:03:36,916 Speaker 1: Or she puts it even more bluntly in her book 58 00:03:37,036 --> 00:03:43,076 Speaker 1: Everybody Yoga a fat, occasionally smelly, supremely awkward Weirdoesaman quickly 59 00:03:43,156 --> 00:03:46,836 Speaker 1: learned to fear all things fitness, like gym class and 60 00:03:46,836 --> 00:03:49,516 Speaker 1: that awful lineup where you get picked for dodgeball teams, 61 00:03:50,036 --> 00:03:52,756 Speaker 1: and that trauma inducing eight year old rite of passage 62 00:03:53,076 --> 00:03:56,996 Speaker 1: of sit ups, push ups, and sprints the Presidential Fitness Test. 63 00:03:57,276 --> 00:03:58,636 Speaker 2: I don't know if this is a thing for you, 64 00:03:58,716 --> 00:04:02,556 Speaker 2: if you did this test in grade school, but I 65 00:04:02,676 --> 00:04:06,396 Speaker 2: remember that a component of the Presidential Fitness Test was 66 00:04:06,636 --> 00:04:09,836 Speaker 2: running a mile and I was the very person in 67 00:04:09,876 --> 00:04:13,356 Speaker 2: my class to the point where, if memory serves like, 68 00:04:13,436 --> 00:04:16,196 Speaker 2: either one of the other kids in my class or 69 00:04:16,316 --> 00:04:19,396 Speaker 2: the teacher came back to join me, and I was 70 00:04:19,596 --> 00:04:26,276 Speaker 2: so mortified, and I felt so totally insufficient, and that 71 00:04:26,716 --> 00:04:31,116 Speaker 2: directly impacted me never wanting to do sports at all. 72 00:04:31,636 --> 00:04:34,636 Speaker 2: I used to on the way to field day in school, 73 00:04:34,756 --> 00:04:37,356 Speaker 2: like try to look for holes in the ground so 74 00:04:37,396 --> 00:04:39,396 Speaker 2: that I could turn my ankle in a hole so 75 00:04:39,436 --> 00:04:41,876 Speaker 2: that I could claim that, like, oh my ankle hurts, 76 00:04:41,876 --> 00:04:44,196 Speaker 2: and now I can't do field day. Like I went 77 00:04:44,236 --> 00:04:47,436 Speaker 2: out of my way to not do physical exercise as 78 00:04:47,556 --> 00:04:51,036 Speaker 2: much as possible because I was so worried about keeping 79 00:04:51,116 --> 00:04:54,276 Speaker 2: up with other people and really just at a bare 80 00:04:54,436 --> 00:04:56,436 Speaker 2: level being good enough. 81 00:04:56,596 --> 00:04:58,516 Speaker 1: And hating your body. When it came to kind of 82 00:04:58,516 --> 00:05:01,676 Speaker 1: gym class and the Presidential Fitness Contest, that was part 83 00:05:01,716 --> 00:05:04,116 Speaker 1: and parcel of not liking aspects of your body and 84 00:05:04,156 --> 00:05:06,796 Speaker 1: your identity generally when you were growing up, right. 85 00:05:07,196 --> 00:05:11,956 Speaker 2: Exactly, I definitely felt as though I was insufficient that 86 00:05:12,076 --> 00:05:16,636 Speaker 2: as a fat black woman, I didn't see any representation 87 00:05:16,756 --> 00:05:18,956 Speaker 2: of my body at all where my body was not 88 00:05:19,036 --> 00:05:21,356 Speaker 2: the punchline. And this was in the era of like 89 00:05:21,516 --> 00:05:26,796 Speaker 2: Jennifer love Hewett and Christina Aguilera and the Olsen Twins, 90 00:05:26,956 --> 00:05:31,596 Speaker 2: and there was definitely this very pervasive idea that being 91 00:05:31,916 --> 00:05:38,236 Speaker 2: small bodied, small featured, having blonde hair or brunette hair. 92 00:05:38,316 --> 00:05:41,556 Speaker 2: Basically just having like really straight hair was very important, 93 00:05:41,756 --> 00:05:46,756 Speaker 2: but certainly not having dark skin, big lips, really kinky hair. 94 00:05:47,356 --> 00:05:49,836 Speaker 2: None of those qualities were represented, and so I just 95 00:05:49,916 --> 00:05:53,756 Speaker 2: felt there was something fundamentally wrong with me, And honestly, 96 00:05:54,196 --> 00:05:56,516 Speaker 2: I felt as though there would always. 97 00:05:56,116 --> 00:05:57,836 Speaker 3: Be something fundamentally wrong with me. 98 00:05:58,116 --> 00:06:01,476 Speaker 2: That really, even if I did lose weight, those changes 99 00:06:01,556 --> 00:06:04,276 Speaker 2: would never be enough because I just fundamentally was not 100 00:06:04,356 --> 00:06:04,876 Speaker 2: good enough. 101 00:06:05,436 --> 00:06:07,156 Speaker 1: Even if you weren't a fat kid, you may be 102 00:06:07,156 --> 00:06:09,756 Speaker 1: able to relate to this sort of low grade self hatred. 103 00:06:09,796 --> 00:06:13,156 Speaker 1: Jusmin's talking about that deep sense that there's something bad 104 00:06:13,156 --> 00:06:16,316 Speaker 1: about you that you need to fix. We feel deep 105 00:06:16,356 --> 00:06:18,716 Speaker 1: down that will only be happy once we've lifted enough 106 00:06:18,756 --> 00:06:22,076 Speaker 1: weights or run enough miles to get that new idealized body. 107 00:06:22,436 --> 00:06:24,116 Speaker 1: But all of that is a lie that your mind 108 00:06:24,116 --> 00:06:27,796 Speaker 1: tells you. And that's the important lesson that Jessamine Stanley learned, 109 00:06:28,036 --> 00:06:30,516 Speaker 1: one that she now teaches to millions of people around 110 00:06:30,556 --> 00:06:33,876 Speaker 1: the world. Her early forays into the world of fitness 111 00:06:34,156 --> 00:06:36,396 Speaker 1: involved all the body hating that many of us are 112 00:06:36,396 --> 00:06:38,836 Speaker 1: feeling when we make that got to exercise more New 113 00:06:38,916 --> 00:06:41,876 Speaker 1: Year's resolution. But she was able to break free from 114 00:06:41,956 --> 00:06:44,556 Speaker 1: all the body shaming in a way that transformed her 115 00:06:44,596 --> 00:06:47,996 Speaker 1: career and her overall well being. But as you'll hear, 116 00:06:48,356 --> 00:06:49,836 Speaker 1: her journey wasn't a quick one. 117 00:06:50,556 --> 00:06:53,916 Speaker 2: My very first yoga class was when I was in 118 00:06:53,996 --> 00:06:57,196 Speaker 2: high school. My aunt at the time was obsessed with 119 00:06:57,316 --> 00:07:00,876 Speaker 2: beehorn yoga, which is a style of hot yoga where 120 00:07:00,916 --> 00:07:04,356 Speaker 2: you practice twenty six of the same yoga pastures over 121 00:07:04,436 --> 00:07:05,876 Speaker 2: a ninety minute period. 122 00:07:06,356 --> 00:07:09,716 Speaker 1: Jessamin's aunt, Tracy, was the epitome of nineties glamor. She 123 00:07:09,876 --> 00:07:12,916 Speaker 1: was tall, and beautiful and everything teenage Jessman thought she 124 00:07:12,956 --> 00:07:16,436 Speaker 1: wanted to be, so, despite her reservations, Jessamine joined her 125 00:07:16,476 --> 00:07:18,916 Speaker 1: aunt for that first ever yoga class. 126 00:07:18,996 --> 00:07:21,116 Speaker 2: I remember it like it was yesterday. I went into 127 00:07:21,196 --> 00:07:25,036 Speaker 2: the studio and it is extremely hot. It's like somewhere 128 00:07:25,036 --> 00:07:27,796 Speaker 2: between one hundred to one hundred and four degrees, kind 129 00:07:27,796 --> 00:07:30,996 Speaker 2: of depending on how sadistic the teacher is. Immediately I 130 00:07:31,076 --> 00:07:33,796 Speaker 2: walk in and I'm just sweating in places that I 131 00:07:33,836 --> 00:07:36,996 Speaker 2: didn't even know human beings sweat, like I was sweating 132 00:07:36,996 --> 00:07:39,996 Speaker 2: from the tops of my fingers. And this is before 133 00:07:40,036 --> 00:07:43,316 Speaker 2: anything has ever happened like this is there's no postures 134 00:07:43,356 --> 00:07:45,236 Speaker 2: have been practiced. And I was like, I gotta be 135 00:07:45,276 --> 00:07:47,276 Speaker 2: in here for an hour and a half. And I 136 00:07:47,276 --> 00:07:50,596 Speaker 2: mean I made it, let's say, a third of the 137 00:07:50,596 --> 00:07:52,636 Speaker 2: way through the class. I think I'm being too generous 138 00:07:52,676 --> 00:07:54,436 Speaker 2: with that, but I made it about a third of 139 00:07:54,516 --> 00:07:56,676 Speaker 2: the way through the class before I was like, I'm done. 140 00:07:56,756 --> 00:07:58,276 Speaker 3: I don't need this anymore. I'm good. 141 00:07:58,396 --> 00:08:00,356 Speaker 2: And they tell you before you go to a beacrem 142 00:08:00,356 --> 00:08:02,636 Speaker 2: class not to walk out of the room. 143 00:08:02,956 --> 00:08:05,396 Speaker 3: But I was like, these people don't know me. I 144 00:08:05,436 --> 00:08:07,396 Speaker 3: cannot do this, so I'm going to die. 145 00:08:07,516 --> 00:08:09,356 Speaker 2: And so I walked out of the room and I 146 00:08:09,476 --> 00:08:12,276 Speaker 2: learned a very important life lesson about why you should 147 00:08:12,316 --> 00:08:15,356 Speaker 2: not walk out of a hot yoga because the transition 148 00:08:15,596 --> 00:08:18,996 Speaker 2: in your physical body is so intense going from hot 149 00:08:19,076 --> 00:08:22,476 Speaker 2: to cold that temperature change can bring on a lot of. 150 00:08:22,436 --> 00:08:24,396 Speaker 3: Different physical experiences, and. 151 00:08:24,316 --> 00:08:27,556 Speaker 2: For me it brought on a wave of nausea and 152 00:08:27,596 --> 00:08:29,836 Speaker 2: after when we left, I was like, I'm never doing 153 00:08:29,916 --> 00:08:31,876 Speaker 2: that again, and this is the worst. 154 00:08:32,556 --> 00:08:35,356 Speaker 1: It's bad experiences like this that discouraged so many of 155 00:08:35,436 --> 00:08:38,196 Speaker 1: us from making exercise a regular and fun part of 156 00:08:38,236 --> 00:08:41,556 Speaker 1: our daily routine. We can feel ashamed or humiliated by 157 00:08:41,556 --> 00:08:44,916 Speaker 1: our bodies and abilities, or just discouraged because the aesthetic 158 00:08:44,996 --> 00:08:49,396 Speaker 1: changes we so desire don't materialize right away. Fortunately, Jessaman 159 00:08:49,476 --> 00:08:51,636 Speaker 1: got a second chance to find joy in moving. 160 00:08:51,996 --> 00:08:55,356 Speaker 2: I was in graduate school and I was going through 161 00:08:55,396 --> 00:08:57,836 Speaker 2: a really tough time in my life that I now 162 00:08:57,916 --> 00:09:01,876 Speaker 2: recognize is emblematic of being twenty three, Like I don't 163 00:09:01,876 --> 00:09:04,596 Speaker 2: know who I am, what is the purpose of my life? 164 00:09:04,716 --> 00:09:05,476 Speaker 3: What is going on? 165 00:09:05,996 --> 00:09:09,716 Speaker 2: And one of my close friends she had gotten into 166 00:09:09,756 --> 00:09:12,796 Speaker 2: bakromiyoga and she was like, oh my god, you should 167 00:09:12,796 --> 00:09:15,516 Speaker 2: come to yoga. You're gonna love it. And I was like, 168 00:09:15,716 --> 00:09:18,476 Speaker 2: I am not doing that. I've done it before, I 169 00:09:18,556 --> 00:09:21,076 Speaker 2: know it's not for me. And she got me caught 170 00:09:21,156 --> 00:09:23,076 Speaker 2: up on a group on though she was like what's 171 00:09:23,076 --> 00:09:25,116 Speaker 2: the worst that can happen? You go one time, you 172 00:09:25,196 --> 00:09:27,436 Speaker 2: pay thirty dollars for this pass, like, what's the worst 173 00:09:27,516 --> 00:09:29,836 Speaker 2: that could happen? And I went. And the interesting thing 174 00:09:29,876 --> 00:09:32,436 Speaker 2: about bea coom yoga specifically is that I think of 175 00:09:32,476 --> 00:09:35,836 Speaker 2: it as the McDonald's of yoga. It's literally like you 176 00:09:35,876 --> 00:09:38,836 Speaker 2: could go anywhere in the world and get this practice 177 00:09:38,916 --> 00:09:41,756 Speaker 2: exactly the same. So nothing had changed. It was still 178 00:09:41,796 --> 00:09:44,876 Speaker 2: hot as hell, hard as hell, everything about it was 179 00:09:44,876 --> 00:09:49,876 Speaker 2: the same. But I had changed, though I didn't realize that. 180 00:09:50,876 --> 00:09:54,636 Speaker 2: So much of what was making me unhappy and unsatisfied 181 00:09:54,636 --> 00:09:57,276 Speaker 2: in my life was that I'd created all of these 182 00:09:57,396 --> 00:10:00,636 Speaker 2: boundaries for myself, and I made all these decisions about 183 00:10:00,636 --> 00:10:02,756 Speaker 2: the type of person that I am and about what 184 00:10:02,836 --> 00:10:06,636 Speaker 2: I'm capable of handling, and I never allowed myself to 185 00:10:06,676 --> 00:10:10,756 Speaker 2: step outside of those boundaries. And yoga requires that you 186 00:10:11,156 --> 00:10:14,636 Speaker 2: step outside of your boundaries. And it put me in 187 00:10:14,676 --> 00:10:17,796 Speaker 2: these situations where I actually had to look at the 188 00:10:17,796 --> 00:10:20,196 Speaker 2: way that I talk to myself and look at the 189 00:10:20,236 --> 00:10:24,076 Speaker 2: way that I process information and be like, you know what, 190 00:10:24,676 --> 00:10:26,636 Speaker 2: I know. I decided that I'm not going to be 191 00:10:26,636 --> 00:10:28,836 Speaker 2: able to do this, but maybe I'm just going to 192 00:10:28,916 --> 00:10:32,796 Speaker 2: try the example that I think of often, especially that 193 00:10:32,916 --> 00:10:36,476 Speaker 2: first class back. I remember we were practicing a posture 194 00:10:36,556 --> 00:10:39,876 Speaker 2: called awkward pose. That is literally it's so aptly name 195 00:10:39,996 --> 00:10:43,956 Speaker 2: because it is extremely awkward. I was watching everybody around 196 00:10:43,956 --> 00:10:46,556 Speaker 2: me just like sit down into this posture, and it 197 00:10:46,596 --> 00:10:49,796 Speaker 2: looked like they had all practiced it together beforehand, and 198 00:10:49,836 --> 00:10:51,956 Speaker 2: be from yoga, you look at yourself in the mirror. 199 00:10:52,036 --> 00:10:53,476 Speaker 3: So I'm looking at myself in this. 200 00:10:53,436 --> 00:10:58,516 Speaker 2: Mirror, which is traumatizing on its own because I literally 201 00:10:58,596 --> 00:11:00,436 Speaker 2: would go out of my way at that stage in 202 00:11:00,476 --> 00:11:03,156 Speaker 2: my life to avoid mirrors. I went out of my 203 00:11:03,236 --> 00:11:05,396 Speaker 2: way to not look at myself, but I'm forced to 204 00:11:05,436 --> 00:11:08,076 Speaker 2: look at myself. I'm looking at myself and I'm just thinking, like, 205 00:11:08,156 --> 00:11:10,476 Speaker 2: why did you even think you could come to this class? 206 00:11:10,516 --> 00:11:13,476 Speaker 2: Like you obviously don't know what you're doing, and everybody 207 00:11:13,516 --> 00:11:16,356 Speaker 2: here knows it, and you can't even do this basic thing. 208 00:11:16,436 --> 00:11:18,996 Speaker 2: This is like maybe the third or fourth posture in 209 00:11:19,036 --> 00:11:21,556 Speaker 2: the class. I'm like, if you can't do this, then 210 00:11:21,556 --> 00:11:24,796 Speaker 2: why even show up? And I had this moment where 211 00:11:24,836 --> 00:11:29,396 Speaker 2: I was like, you know, you could just try. Maybe 212 00:11:29,436 --> 00:11:32,396 Speaker 2: you just tried, Like yes, maybe you're gonna fall down. 213 00:11:32,596 --> 00:11:34,916 Speaker 2: Maybe everyone in the room is going to know that 214 00:11:34,996 --> 00:11:37,196 Speaker 2: you don't know what you're doing. Maybe the teacher's going 215 00:11:37,276 --> 00:11:39,716 Speaker 2: to know that you don't know what you're doing, and 216 00:11:39,836 --> 00:11:42,796 Speaker 2: maybe that's just got to be okay, because did you 217 00:11:42,836 --> 00:11:45,396 Speaker 2: spend this money to come to this class to just 218 00:11:45,516 --> 00:11:47,996 Speaker 2: stand here and talk shit about yourself? Because you could 219 00:11:47,996 --> 00:11:51,876 Speaker 2: have done that at home. And that moment, that breaking 220 00:11:51,956 --> 00:11:55,636 Speaker 2: point to this day. Ultimately, that is why I continue 221 00:11:55,676 --> 00:11:58,916 Speaker 2: to practice yoga. It's a cracking open of the spirit. 222 00:11:59,116 --> 00:12:01,796 Speaker 2: It's being able to I think of a lot of 223 00:12:01,796 --> 00:12:05,276 Speaker 2: its like it's like you're looking at a foggy bathrobe mirror, 224 00:12:05,516 --> 00:12:08,436 Speaker 2: a mirror that you fogged up, and like just swiping 225 00:12:08,476 --> 00:12:12,156 Speaker 2: across it and seeing your actual reflection back at you. 226 00:12:12,716 --> 00:12:15,876 Speaker 2: And it was so profound for me in a way 227 00:12:15,916 --> 00:12:19,236 Speaker 2: that I certainly didn't walk into class thinking I was 228 00:12:19,236 --> 00:12:20,076 Speaker 2: going to experience. 229 00:12:20,916 --> 00:12:23,956 Speaker 1: Jessamond's insight of noticing how she was really talking to 230 00:12:23,996 --> 00:12:26,716 Speaker 1: herself kept her going back to that hot studio, but 231 00:12:26,756 --> 00:12:29,116 Speaker 1: eventually her group on ran out and she was out 232 00:12:29,156 --> 00:12:31,476 Speaker 1: of work and out of money. She couldn't afford the 233 00:12:31,556 --> 00:12:34,236 Speaker 1: yoga classes that were teaching her so much, and she 234 00:12:34,316 --> 00:12:38,156 Speaker 1: started backsliding to that bad emotional place but she decided 235 00:12:38,196 --> 00:12:39,596 Speaker 1: to fight back, and. 236 00:12:39,516 --> 00:12:42,756 Speaker 2: So literally one day, I just rolled at my mat 237 00:12:42,956 --> 00:12:45,516 Speaker 2: in my living room and I like pushed. I had 238 00:12:45,516 --> 00:12:47,196 Speaker 2: to push all the furniture out of the corner of 239 00:12:47,196 --> 00:12:51,156 Speaker 2: the room. And I really didn't feel confident practicing any 240 00:12:51,276 --> 00:12:55,116 Speaker 2: postures that were outside of the postures that I knew. 241 00:12:55,716 --> 00:12:59,116 Speaker 2: So I would practice the same, like eight to ten 242 00:12:59,316 --> 00:13:03,116 Speaker 2: yoga postures from the Beacon sequence, and that just became 243 00:13:03,156 --> 00:13:05,876 Speaker 2: my medicine. I'm gonna do this yoga, and I feel 244 00:13:05,876 --> 00:13:08,116 Speaker 2: comfortable doing this without a teacher watching me. 245 00:13:08,396 --> 00:13:08,996 Speaker 3: This is great. 246 00:13:09,476 --> 00:13:12,356 Speaker 2: But then over time, you know, I became more and 247 00:13:12,476 --> 00:13:16,036 Speaker 2: more obsessed with the practice and wanting to try out 248 00:13:16,276 --> 00:13:18,676 Speaker 2: postures that I saw on the internet. This was back 249 00:13:18,716 --> 00:13:22,276 Speaker 2: whenever Instagram like first came out, because I was practicing 250 00:13:22,276 --> 00:13:25,356 Speaker 2: at home. I wanted to be able to receive feedback 251 00:13:25,356 --> 00:13:28,516 Speaker 2: from other people. But I was also very scared to 252 00:13:28,556 --> 00:13:31,636 Speaker 2: take photos of myself because I was so afraid to 253 00:13:31,796 --> 00:13:34,356 Speaker 2: look at my body. And when I first started taking 254 00:13:34,436 --> 00:13:37,956 Speaker 2: the photos, I would take them at really random angles. 255 00:13:38,196 --> 00:13:40,116 Speaker 2: I'd be like, no, I think this angle is my 256 00:13:40,156 --> 00:13:42,316 Speaker 2: good side, so I can shoot it from here. But like, 257 00:13:42,716 --> 00:13:44,596 Speaker 2: after a while, I was like I can't even see 258 00:13:44,596 --> 00:13:47,076 Speaker 2: my body, like I have to do something. So I 259 00:13:47,116 --> 00:13:49,476 Speaker 2: had a timer set up on the camera. I have 260 00:13:49,596 --> 00:13:52,516 Speaker 2: like thirty seconds to hold the posture while it takes 261 00:13:52,556 --> 00:13:55,796 Speaker 2: four photos. And in that moment when I'm in the posture, 262 00:13:55,836 --> 00:13:59,236 Speaker 2: I'd be like, oh my god, yoga's amazing. I feel incredible. 263 00:13:59,916 --> 00:14:02,556 Speaker 2: I am lifted up to another place. And then I 264 00:14:02,556 --> 00:14:04,436 Speaker 2: would go and look at the photos and I would 265 00:14:04,476 --> 00:14:07,396 Speaker 2: just immediately start talking about myself. I'd be like, oh 266 00:14:07,436 --> 00:14:09,676 Speaker 2: my god, look at my belly, look at my arms, 267 00:14:09,716 --> 00:14:13,036 Speaker 2: looking at my chins, like every negative thing that, everything 268 00:14:13,036 --> 00:14:16,876 Speaker 2: that I thought was negative was getting picked at and scrutinized. 269 00:14:16,996 --> 00:14:19,596 Speaker 2: And it took a really long time, like I would 270 00:14:19,596 --> 00:14:22,796 Speaker 2: say months before I started to really question that. And 271 00:14:22,836 --> 00:14:26,276 Speaker 2: I would be like, no one else is here saying 272 00:14:26,316 --> 00:14:28,876 Speaker 2: these things about yourself like I. You know, we always 273 00:14:28,876 --> 00:14:31,636 Speaker 2: want to blame the media, and I want to blame 274 00:14:31,636 --> 00:14:34,036 Speaker 2: my family, and I want to blame my partner. That's 275 00:14:34,076 --> 00:14:37,916 Speaker 2: why I hate myself. No, I'm looking at these photos, 276 00:14:38,076 --> 00:14:40,076 Speaker 2: I am saying these awful things about myself. 277 00:14:40,116 --> 00:14:40,716 Speaker 3: This is me. 278 00:14:41,196 --> 00:14:43,236 Speaker 2: I have to own that. And if I'm the one 279 00:14:43,276 --> 00:14:45,996 Speaker 2: saying these things about myself, are these things that I 280 00:14:46,036 --> 00:14:49,036 Speaker 2: really believe about myself. Like it turned into this whole 281 00:14:49,116 --> 00:14:52,716 Speaker 2: space for therapy that again, I didn't go into it 282 00:14:52,796 --> 00:14:56,076 Speaker 2: thinking like, yes, I'd like to have any emotional or 283 00:14:56,236 --> 00:15:00,276 Speaker 2: emotionally complex relationship with my higher self. No, I was 284 00:15:00,396 --> 00:15:03,636 Speaker 2: just like this is dumb, Like I hated that aspect 285 00:15:03,676 --> 00:15:06,236 Speaker 2: of it. But it really opened up so much for 286 00:15:06,356 --> 00:15:09,276 Speaker 2: me in terms of just being able to understand and 287 00:15:09,636 --> 00:15:12,636 Speaker 2: where self hate resides and that it's something that I 288 00:15:12,716 --> 00:15:13,116 Speaker 2: have to. 289 00:15:13,036 --> 00:15:14,356 Speaker 3: Own as an individual. 290 00:15:14,916 --> 00:15:18,676 Speaker 2: It really helped me to understand that I am a 291 00:15:18,716 --> 00:15:22,196 Speaker 2: body shamer at my core, Like how an alcoholic is 292 00:15:22,196 --> 00:15:25,916 Speaker 2: an alcoholic forever. I am a body shamer forever, and 293 00:15:26,156 --> 00:15:28,436 Speaker 2: all I can do is just be aware of it. 294 00:15:28,756 --> 00:15:31,836 Speaker 2: I can just know it and see it, and I 295 00:15:31,916 --> 00:15:34,356 Speaker 2: have to accept it about myself. But I think that 296 00:15:34,556 --> 00:15:38,396 Speaker 2: had I not started that practice of photographing myself, then 297 00:15:38,556 --> 00:15:40,436 Speaker 2: I would never have started that conversation. 298 00:15:41,436 --> 00:15:43,436 Speaker 1: When we return from the break, we'll try to figure 299 00:15:43,436 --> 00:15:46,076 Speaker 1: out how being ashamed of our bodies and exercise got 300 00:15:46,116 --> 00:15:48,916 Speaker 1: so intertwined and how we can all begin to separate 301 00:15:48,956 --> 00:15:52,156 Speaker 1: them out again. The Happiness Lab will be right back 302 00:16:11,756 --> 00:16:14,956 Speaker 1: through photographing her own fat body and tough yoga postures, 303 00:16:15,156 --> 00:16:17,676 Speaker 1: Jessam and Stanley began to realize that fitness could be 304 00:16:17,716 --> 00:16:20,956 Speaker 1: about feeling good and loving yourself just the way you are. 305 00:16:21,716 --> 00:16:24,316 Speaker 1: In the years since, she's turned the simple insight into 306 00:16:24,356 --> 00:16:27,636 Speaker 1: a mission, she's now a world renowned yoga instructor, an 307 00:16:27,676 --> 00:16:30,796 Speaker 1: author of the book Everybody Yoga, Let Go of Fear, 308 00:16:31,036 --> 00:16:34,476 Speaker 1: Get on the Mat, Love your Body. As one article 309 00:16:34,516 --> 00:16:37,956 Speaker 1: put it, she's now become famous for everything. Yoga instructors 310 00:16:37,996 --> 00:16:42,476 Speaker 1: are not supposed to be black, queer, messy, unapologetically fat, 311 00:16:42,796 --> 00:16:45,756 Speaker 1: and she swears a lot. Jessam has used her yoga 312 00:16:45,796 --> 00:16:49,036 Speaker 1: practice not to achieve some perfect body, but to accept 313 00:16:49,036 --> 00:16:52,036 Speaker 1: and allow her imperfect reality to be there just as 314 00:16:52,036 --> 00:16:55,116 Speaker 1: it is, and in doing so, she's realized that a 315 00:16:55,156 --> 00:16:58,316 Speaker 1: more self compassionate approach to exercise can be an important 316 00:16:58,316 --> 00:17:00,676 Speaker 1: way to boost your health and your happiness. 317 00:17:01,756 --> 00:17:05,996 Speaker 2: When you look at people who are extreme athletes, people 318 00:17:06,036 --> 00:17:09,316 Speaker 2: who run ultra marathons, they're not doing that for their health, 319 00:17:09,596 --> 00:17:12,476 Speaker 2: Like they're not obsessed with that experience because it's like, 320 00:17:12,756 --> 00:17:15,316 Speaker 2: oh my god, my body is going to look this way. No, 321 00:17:15,556 --> 00:17:19,476 Speaker 2: they are working out deep psychological truth, so they are 322 00:17:19,476 --> 00:17:22,516 Speaker 2: having a spiritual experience and I think that the more 323 00:17:22,556 --> 00:17:26,156 Speaker 2: that we can approach fitness from that perspective of just 324 00:17:26,276 --> 00:17:29,676 Speaker 2: wanting to get inside yourself, just wanting to touch something 325 00:17:29,716 --> 00:17:33,996 Speaker 2: that is real, it's really ultimately coming back to that 326 00:17:34,116 --> 00:17:38,116 Speaker 2: experience of being a child, that experience of just running 327 00:17:38,116 --> 00:17:39,196 Speaker 2: around the block. 328 00:17:39,116 --> 00:17:40,756 Speaker 3: Just because it feels good, not. 329 00:17:40,836 --> 00:17:46,756 Speaker 2: Because there's any kind of goal or any kind of expectation. 330 00:17:47,516 --> 00:17:49,956 Speaker 2: You run around the block, you try to turn a cartwheel, 331 00:17:50,036 --> 00:17:53,676 Speaker 2: you swim in the ocean, not because it's something is 332 00:17:53,716 --> 00:17:56,796 Speaker 2: going to change about you, but honestly to honor who 333 00:17:56,876 --> 00:17:59,636 Speaker 2: you are right now. And this is something that really 334 00:17:59,716 --> 00:18:02,516 Speaker 2: isn't talked about in the mainstream with yoga because in 335 00:18:02,556 --> 00:18:06,596 Speaker 2: the mainstream yoga is only about fitness. It is postures 336 00:18:06,636 --> 00:18:11,156 Speaker 2: that you practice for exercise. I think that what really 337 00:18:11,236 --> 00:18:14,996 Speaker 2: shifted things from me was understanding that yoga is really 338 00:18:14,996 --> 00:18:16,356 Speaker 2: a spiritual life path. 339 00:18:16,516 --> 00:18:18,356 Speaker 1: I love to dive into some of these benefits because 340 00:18:18,356 --> 00:18:20,596 Speaker 1: I think they're so powerful. So I mean, one of 341 00:18:20,636 --> 00:18:23,436 Speaker 1: these approaches about thinking of yoga not just as fitness 342 00:18:23,476 --> 00:18:26,396 Speaker 1: but as kind of life changing is to recognize that 343 00:18:26,476 --> 00:18:30,156 Speaker 1: yoga really is about mindfulness. It's about being present with 344 00:18:30,236 --> 00:18:32,636 Speaker 1: whatever is going on, and this is something we talk 345 00:18:32,676 --> 00:18:35,556 Speaker 1: about a lot on the Happiness Lab that being present 346 00:18:35,676 --> 00:18:38,156 Speaker 1: even for negative stuff is good. 347 00:18:38,276 --> 00:18:38,476 Speaker 2: Right. 348 00:18:38,596 --> 00:18:39,916 Speaker 1: This is the kind of thing we need to do 349 00:18:39,996 --> 00:18:41,956 Speaker 1: is to work on allowing and so, you know, talk 350 00:18:41,996 --> 00:18:44,796 Speaker 1: about how that works in yoga, either as a practitioner 351 00:18:44,876 --> 00:18:47,876 Speaker 1: as a teacher. When you're holding these postures that might 352 00:18:47,916 --> 00:18:50,476 Speaker 1: not feel great in the moment, but the act of 353 00:18:50,516 --> 00:18:52,676 Speaker 1: allowing that, like, how does that change you? 354 00:18:53,236 --> 00:18:58,756 Speaker 2: It really, I think allows you to see life as 355 00:18:58,836 --> 00:19:01,836 Speaker 2: being so much more than it seems on the surface. 356 00:19:02,596 --> 00:19:05,836 Speaker 2: Let's take a posture like cheer post for example. You 357 00:19:05,876 --> 00:19:08,036 Speaker 2: look at a posture like cheer post and it's like, 358 00:19:08,556 --> 00:19:08,916 Speaker 2: what do. 359 00:19:08,836 --> 00:19:09,516 Speaker 3: I need to do? 360 00:19:09,636 --> 00:19:13,476 Speaker 2: I need to turn my thighs toward one another. I 361 00:19:13,516 --> 00:19:17,316 Speaker 2: need to engage my core. I need to fall down 362 00:19:17,436 --> 00:19:22,916 Speaker 2: backwards while also sitting upright. I need to lengthen out 363 00:19:22,956 --> 00:19:26,196 Speaker 2: of the crowd of my head. When I'm feeling challenged, 364 00:19:26,516 --> 00:19:30,476 Speaker 2: when someone is pushing back against me at work, when 365 00:19:30,556 --> 00:19:36,116 Speaker 2: I feel like someone is being mean to me, those 366 00:19:36,116 --> 00:19:37,876 Speaker 2: are the same things that I need to do. I 367 00:19:37,916 --> 00:19:40,596 Speaker 2: need to pull into my core, I need to try 368 00:19:40,636 --> 00:19:43,916 Speaker 2: to fall down backwards but also stay upright. I need 369 00:19:43,956 --> 00:19:47,236 Speaker 2: to lengthen up to the sky I need to pull. 370 00:19:47,396 --> 00:19:50,596 Speaker 2: It's all of these ideas that seems theoretical and that 371 00:19:50,756 --> 00:19:55,356 Speaker 2: seem like philosophical but that are really actually very practical. 372 00:19:55,596 --> 00:19:58,636 Speaker 2: And I think it makes it easier to deal with 373 00:19:58,676 --> 00:20:02,436 Speaker 2: the parts of life that are really hard, really really 374 00:20:02,476 --> 00:20:05,156 Speaker 2: hard and complicated, and that are not meant to be 375 00:20:05,356 --> 00:20:09,236 Speaker 2: anything other than that. I think sometimes in life, if 376 00:20:09,756 --> 00:20:12,756 Speaker 2: bad shit happens and you think, this isn't how things 377 00:20:12,756 --> 00:20:14,916 Speaker 2: are supposed to be. Things are supposed to be good. 378 00:20:15,116 --> 00:20:18,116 Speaker 2: I'm supposed to be happy. This is wrong. And what 379 00:20:18,236 --> 00:20:21,836 Speaker 2: yoga reminds is that everything in life is not good. 380 00:20:22,276 --> 00:20:25,476 Speaker 2: Everything in life is not happy. You need for things 381 00:20:25,476 --> 00:20:29,156 Speaker 2: to be hard so that you can actually strengthen from 382 00:20:29,156 --> 00:20:32,916 Speaker 2: the inside. So practice the things that you do when 383 00:20:33,476 --> 00:20:36,516 Speaker 2: things get hard. Pull into your core, draw your butt, 384 00:20:36,596 --> 00:20:39,956 Speaker 2: cheeks together, whatever the things are. Practice that in the 385 00:20:40,076 --> 00:20:43,876 Speaker 2: moments that feel emotionally hard, and you will be strengthened 386 00:20:43,876 --> 00:20:46,676 Speaker 2: as a result. And yoga we talk about it as 387 00:20:47,156 --> 00:20:50,836 Speaker 2: top us and top us as many definitions, but I 388 00:20:50,876 --> 00:20:55,236 Speaker 2: would loosely define it here as fire, and that we 389 00:20:56,076 --> 00:20:59,916 Speaker 2: step into this fire that is burning away the pieces 390 00:20:59,916 --> 00:21:02,156 Speaker 2: of ourselves that don't need to be there. And you 391 00:21:02,276 --> 00:21:07,596 Speaker 2: think about how anything becomes strong, how anything becomes honed 392 00:21:08,356 --> 00:21:13,756 Speaker 2: and and deepened. And it is always through intensity. It's 393 00:21:13,836 --> 00:21:20,316 Speaker 2: always through things being complicated and messy and unpleasant. And 394 00:21:20,516 --> 00:21:23,916 Speaker 2: really it's just are you okay with that? Are you 395 00:21:23,996 --> 00:21:26,756 Speaker 2: willing to get okay with that? Are you willing to 396 00:21:27,876 --> 00:21:31,676 Speaker 2: take the tools that you have in your arsenal to 397 00:21:31,716 --> 00:21:34,076 Speaker 2: withstand that intensity. 398 00:21:34,516 --> 00:21:36,836 Speaker 1: I love that you brought up chair pose in this capacity, 399 00:21:36,836 --> 00:21:39,396 Speaker 1: because that is one of the poses that anytime one 400 00:21:39,396 --> 00:21:41,876 Speaker 1: of my yoga instructors is like, let's go through chairs 401 00:21:41,876 --> 00:21:44,116 Speaker 1: secretly in my head and my first reaction is like, 402 00:21:44,516 --> 00:21:47,796 Speaker 1: I hate you, Why did you do that? Then I 403 00:21:47,876 --> 00:21:49,836 Speaker 1: have to turn on the sort of voice that I 404 00:21:49,876 --> 00:21:51,916 Speaker 1: talk about a lot on this podcast, my sort of 405 00:21:51,956 --> 00:21:54,916 Speaker 1: stoic voice that says, no, I invited this. You know, 406 00:21:54,996 --> 00:21:56,996 Speaker 1: this is a nice challenge, right. I didn't want to 407 00:21:56,996 --> 00:21:58,796 Speaker 1: just go through this yoga class and just you know, 408 00:21:59,036 --> 00:22:01,596 Speaker 1: flop over, right. You know, I invited this challenge so 409 00:22:01,636 --> 00:22:04,276 Speaker 1: I could work through it and allow it. And so 410 00:22:05,036 --> 00:22:06,996 Speaker 1: it's great to hear that that's such an important part 411 00:22:06,996 --> 00:22:09,116 Speaker 1: of it. But for me, another thing that yoga get 412 00:22:09,356 --> 00:22:13,436 Speaker 1: me is it allows me to experience my body, not 413 00:22:13,636 --> 00:22:15,236 Speaker 1: just in terms of the way it looks, but in 414 00:22:15,276 --> 00:22:17,516 Speaker 1: terms of what it can do, and that for me 415 00:22:17,636 --> 00:22:19,716 Speaker 1: has really been a game changer, and it's one of 416 00:22:19,716 --> 00:22:21,956 Speaker 1: the reasons I love, you know, following your practice and 417 00:22:21,996 --> 00:22:25,596 Speaker 1: practicing with you, right. You know, sometimes when we're engaging 418 00:22:25,596 --> 00:22:27,316 Speaker 1: with any kind of activity, we can get sort of 419 00:22:27,316 --> 00:22:29,996 Speaker 1: obsessed with how our body looks in that moment or 420 00:22:29,996 --> 00:22:32,156 Speaker 1: what our body's supposed to be doing. And I think 421 00:22:32,196 --> 00:22:34,916 Speaker 1: one thing about yoga is that it really allows you 422 00:22:34,956 --> 00:22:37,036 Speaker 1: to sort of see your body flexibly, to kind of 423 00:22:37,116 --> 00:22:39,516 Speaker 1: understand better what it's doing, to pay attention to it 424 00:22:39,516 --> 00:22:41,636 Speaker 1: in a way that I never had with any other 425 00:22:41,836 --> 00:22:44,316 Speaker 1: kind of movement practice. But I think one of the 426 00:22:44,316 --> 00:22:46,436 Speaker 1: things I loved about practicing with you, we had this 427 00:22:46,476 --> 00:22:50,116 Speaker 1: wonderful opportunity to practice together at a retreat in Montana, 428 00:22:50,796 --> 00:22:54,356 Speaker 1: was that you also, as a teacher, really encourage people to, 429 00:22:54,916 --> 00:22:57,196 Speaker 1: you know, listen to their bodies and allow their bodies 430 00:22:57,196 --> 00:22:59,916 Speaker 1: to be however their body has been. One of the 431 00:22:59,956 --> 00:23:03,476 Speaker 1: poses I've often struggled with is go mu kasana or cowface, 432 00:23:03,476 --> 00:23:06,836 Speaker 1: where you kind of like exactly squash your hips over 433 00:23:06,916 --> 00:23:08,956 Speaker 1: one another, you kind of like leg over leg, and 434 00:23:08,956 --> 00:23:11,076 Speaker 1: then you kind of bend over to stretch, and immediately 435 00:23:11,116 --> 00:23:13,716 Speaker 1: when my body gets into that position, my stomach is 436 00:23:13,756 --> 00:23:15,996 Speaker 1: in the way, and I take the bait. You know, 437 00:23:16,036 --> 00:23:17,796 Speaker 1: it's so hard for me to be in that posture 438 00:23:17,796 --> 00:23:19,836 Speaker 1: without saying like, oh my god, my stomach is so big, 439 00:23:19,876 --> 00:23:21,956 Speaker 1: why is my stomach here? I'm doing it wrong. And 440 00:23:21,996 --> 00:23:23,516 Speaker 1: the first time I did that posture with you in 441 00:23:23,556 --> 00:23:25,996 Speaker 1: your class, you said, and if your stomach isn't in 442 00:23:26,036 --> 00:23:28,276 Speaker 1: the way, move your stomach out of the way, like 443 00:23:28,676 --> 00:23:30,916 Speaker 1: make space for your stomach, because your stomach is going 444 00:23:30,996 --> 00:23:33,356 Speaker 1: to be there anyway. And this was like, you know, 445 00:23:33,436 --> 00:23:35,516 Speaker 1: a bomb when off in my head of like wait 446 00:23:35,556 --> 00:23:38,396 Speaker 1: a minute, Like I can still practice this posture with 447 00:23:38,516 --> 00:23:41,036 Speaker 1: my stomach in the way. It's okay, Like it's good 448 00:23:41,036 --> 00:23:43,236 Speaker 1: to take up space. And so you'll talk about the 449 00:23:43,316 --> 00:23:46,156 Speaker 1: kind of freedom that you give to your students by 450 00:23:46,356 --> 00:23:49,436 Speaker 1: kind of acknowledging that you know, yoga is for everybody. 451 00:23:49,796 --> 00:23:49,996 Speaker 1: You know. 452 00:23:50,076 --> 00:23:52,556 Speaker 2: I think that it is the great benefit of my 453 00:23:52,716 --> 00:23:56,276 Speaker 2: life that I have had to learn how to love 454 00:23:56,396 --> 00:23:59,476 Speaker 2: my body, learn how to love a body that society 455 00:23:59,556 --> 00:24:03,036 Speaker 2: has actively told me not to like, because it allows 456 00:24:03,036 --> 00:24:06,196 Speaker 2: me to have more empathy with the fact that everybody 457 00:24:06,236 --> 00:24:09,796 Speaker 2: is having that experience or feeling like not good enough 458 00:24:09,916 --> 00:24:12,316 Speaker 2: or that something is wrong with their body. Because when 459 00:24:12,316 --> 00:24:15,156 Speaker 2: you started talking about that with Goma Casana, I was 460 00:24:15,276 --> 00:24:17,876 Speaker 2: just like, literally, the reason that I know that and 461 00:24:17,916 --> 00:24:20,676 Speaker 2: feel that is because I feel the exact same way 462 00:24:20,756 --> 00:24:23,476 Speaker 2: about that posture, Like it is one of the most 463 00:24:23,596 --> 00:24:27,636 Speaker 2: challenging postures for me. It's something that I've been extremely 464 00:24:27,716 --> 00:24:32,036 Speaker 2: critical of myself about and very judgmental, and it always 465 00:24:32,076 --> 00:24:35,156 Speaker 2: comes down to just accepting it exactly as it is, 466 00:24:35,756 --> 00:24:38,476 Speaker 2: exactly as I am right now, so that like, maybe 467 00:24:38,516 --> 00:24:41,756 Speaker 2: my legs are not crossing over each other entirely, maybe 468 00:24:41,796 --> 00:24:43,996 Speaker 2: I'm using a block, may I'm resting my foot on 469 00:24:43,996 --> 00:24:48,316 Speaker 2: a block. Maybe my fingers are not pressing together. Maybe 470 00:24:48,396 --> 00:24:52,436 Speaker 2: I'm just trying to even get my arms somewhere near 471 00:24:52,516 --> 00:24:56,836 Speaker 2: one another, And that is okay. I am okay, exactly 472 00:24:56,876 --> 00:24:59,956 Speaker 2: as I am right now. And in addition to that, 473 00:25:00,476 --> 00:25:03,756 Speaker 2: I think that getting okay with exactly as you are 474 00:25:04,276 --> 00:25:06,716 Speaker 2: then opens the door for this idea that you were 475 00:25:06,716 --> 00:25:11,436 Speaker 2: saying taking up space. And but that idea of taking 476 00:25:11,556 --> 00:25:14,716 Speaker 2: up space has been a game changer for me because 477 00:25:14,796 --> 00:25:17,596 Speaker 2: I don't know about you, but I really try to 478 00:25:17,636 --> 00:25:22,076 Speaker 2: make myself small all the time, I'm like trying to 479 00:25:22,156 --> 00:25:25,316 Speaker 2: take up as little space as possible. And it's not 480 00:25:25,596 --> 00:25:29,876 Speaker 2: just physical space, it's emotional space, spiritual space. It's like 481 00:25:29,956 --> 00:25:34,356 Speaker 2: I don't want to encumber anybody else by existing, Like 482 00:25:34,476 --> 00:25:37,676 Speaker 2: I don't want to offend anybody else with my existence. 483 00:25:38,476 --> 00:25:42,236 Speaker 2: And that idea talk about a pervasive idea. It seeks 484 00:25:42,236 --> 00:25:45,916 Speaker 2: into everything. You can't do anything because you don't want 485 00:25:45,956 --> 00:25:49,636 Speaker 2: to take up space. And so just allowing yourself practicing 486 00:25:49,956 --> 00:25:54,316 Speaker 2: taking up space in the yoga practice the effects in 487 00:25:54,356 --> 00:25:57,116 Speaker 2: the rest of your life. It resonates in a way 488 00:25:57,156 --> 00:26:01,916 Speaker 2: that words can't express. It becomes about something that it's 489 00:26:01,956 --> 00:26:04,396 Speaker 2: not just about a yoga posture at all. Like if 490 00:26:04,436 --> 00:26:07,156 Speaker 2: you can practice taking up space in a physical posture, 491 00:26:07,596 --> 00:26:11,316 Speaker 2: you can take up space and the rest of your life. 492 00:26:28,556 --> 00:26:30,716 Speaker 1: I think that kind of coming to terms with your 493 00:26:30,756 --> 00:26:33,076 Speaker 1: own body and you're through your yoga practice can be 494 00:26:33,116 --> 00:26:36,036 Speaker 1: really profound in terms of increasing your happiness. Is a 495 00:26:36,036 --> 00:26:37,916 Speaker 1: way that it kind of connects you with the rest 496 00:26:37,916 --> 00:26:40,076 Speaker 1: of the people out there, right, I mean, I think, 497 00:26:40,156 --> 00:26:43,076 Speaker 1: you know, like allowing my body to be just as 498 00:26:43,076 --> 00:26:45,516 Speaker 1: it is on the yoga mat allows me to see 499 00:26:45,516 --> 00:26:48,036 Speaker 1: that everyone you know has these critiques of their body. 500 00:26:48,036 --> 00:26:50,876 Speaker 1: You've talked about being you know, permanent body shamer and 501 00:26:50,916 --> 00:26:53,836 Speaker 1: body shaming recovery. But I think you know, secretly most 502 00:26:53,916 --> 00:26:56,436 Speaker 1: of us are right. You know, if I don't like 503 00:26:56,476 --> 00:26:58,396 Speaker 1: how I'm doing a pose, it means I just kind 504 00:26:58,396 --> 00:27:01,516 Speaker 1: of share common humanity with like basically everyone that's ever 505 00:27:01,556 --> 00:27:03,836 Speaker 1: tried yoga or done any fitness thing in their life, 506 00:27:03,916 --> 00:27:05,716 Speaker 1: or if if you know, maybe you're perfect in the 507 00:27:05,756 --> 00:27:07,716 Speaker 1: fitness realm, but in a different realm you're kind of 508 00:27:07,716 --> 00:27:10,716 Speaker 1: feeling shamed, and so want to talk about what that 509 00:27:10,796 --> 00:27:13,516 Speaker 1: sort of connection has done for you and your happiness. 510 00:27:13,596 --> 00:27:17,036 Speaker 1: As you've practiced more and taught this practice to others. 511 00:27:16,876 --> 00:27:19,636 Speaker 2: God, it has been crazy. I mean I had so 512 00:27:19,796 --> 00:27:25,356 Speaker 2: many assumptions about how other people experience life. I felt 513 00:27:25,396 --> 00:27:31,036 Speaker 2: like it's only people who look different than the mainstream 514 00:27:31,276 --> 00:27:36,036 Speaker 2: that feel uncomfortable with themselves. But the turning point for me, 515 00:27:36,796 --> 00:27:39,476 Speaker 2: I hope I never forget, but knowing me, I probably 516 00:27:39,476 --> 00:27:40,116 Speaker 2: will eventually. 517 00:27:40,116 --> 00:27:41,876 Speaker 3: So let me say it now while I still remember. 518 00:27:42,356 --> 00:27:45,756 Speaker 2: I was teaching in London and it's this huge class 519 00:27:45,796 --> 00:27:48,516 Speaker 2: like hot as all hell in there, and it was 520 00:27:48,596 --> 00:27:50,476 Speaker 2: like we were really getting into it. 521 00:27:50,516 --> 00:27:51,916 Speaker 3: So it's like it's. 522 00:27:51,716 --> 00:27:55,036 Speaker 2: Sweaty, there are tears, lots of energy in the space, 523 00:27:55,276 --> 00:27:59,636 Speaker 2: and we get to the final posture, a resting posture. 524 00:28:00,076 --> 00:28:03,516 Speaker 2: I'm feeling a lot as the teacher, As a practitioner, 525 00:28:03,556 --> 00:28:06,636 Speaker 2: I'm feeling a lot. And the class is over and 526 00:28:06,836 --> 00:28:10,036 Speaker 2: people are coming up to say thank you and say goodbye, 527 00:28:10,236 --> 00:28:12,716 Speaker 2: and this guy came up to me. He just looks 528 00:28:12,756 --> 00:28:15,156 Speaker 2: like a like a model, you know, just like a 529 00:28:15,356 --> 00:28:20,716 Speaker 2: very traditionally attractive sis head white guy. And he comes 530 00:28:20,756 --> 00:28:22,476 Speaker 2: up and he's just like, oh my god, I want 531 00:28:22,476 --> 00:28:24,356 Speaker 2: to thank you for this class. It really means a 532 00:28:24,396 --> 00:28:26,276 Speaker 2: lot to me. I've been feeling so down on my 533 00:28:26,356 --> 00:28:30,316 Speaker 2: body and he just launches into this whole emotional tale 534 00:28:30,356 --> 00:28:32,276 Speaker 2: of what's going on with him and his body. And 535 00:28:32,396 --> 00:28:35,956 Speaker 2: I really hope that I processed anything that he was saying, 536 00:28:35,996 --> 00:28:37,876 Speaker 2: because what I thought in the back of my mind 537 00:28:37,996 --> 00:28:41,956 Speaker 2: was like, you have body issues too, this is every Wow. 538 00:28:42,196 --> 00:28:46,156 Speaker 2: Like I was really like, damn, this isn't everybody problem 539 00:28:46,196 --> 00:28:49,036 Speaker 2: You're like we think about probably because of the way 540 00:28:49,076 --> 00:28:52,476 Speaker 2: that body positivity as a concept has been co opted 541 00:28:52,476 --> 00:28:56,396 Speaker 2: as something that is only for fat sis head women. 542 00:28:56,956 --> 00:29:02,396 Speaker 2: But I think that because of that misunderstanding of like 543 00:29:02,516 --> 00:29:06,796 Speaker 2: who needs to feel better about themselves. We miss that, 544 00:29:06,956 --> 00:29:11,316 Speaker 2: like everybody has this and this is a universal issue. 545 00:29:11,356 --> 00:29:15,076 Speaker 2: In fact, I would argue that people who see themselves 546 00:29:15,076 --> 00:29:18,756 Speaker 2: reflected in the mainstream are more likely to feel uncomfortable 547 00:29:18,756 --> 00:29:21,596 Speaker 2: with themselves because they feel like they have to reach 548 00:29:21,716 --> 00:29:24,316 Speaker 2: that standard in a way that if you don't see 549 00:29:24,356 --> 00:29:27,836 Speaker 2: yourself represented, you can just be like, well, the options are, 550 00:29:27,876 --> 00:29:30,436 Speaker 2: I can either get used to this or die. So 551 00:29:30,516 --> 00:29:32,356 Speaker 2: I guess I'll just get used to it, And so 552 00:29:32,556 --> 00:29:35,276 Speaker 2: I think that there's like a low key freedom there 553 00:29:35,356 --> 00:29:38,836 Speaker 2: that can get forgotten. But for me, it has been 554 00:29:38,876 --> 00:29:42,796 Speaker 2: really transformational to understand that every problem that I have 555 00:29:42,956 --> 00:29:47,116 Speaker 2: with myself is a universal problem, and that everyone is 556 00:29:47,156 --> 00:29:49,756 Speaker 2: struggling with themselves. And it might not be struggling with 557 00:29:49,996 --> 00:29:52,636 Speaker 2: your physical body. It might be struggling with something in 558 00:29:52,676 --> 00:29:56,436 Speaker 2: your emotional life or somebody who's in your life. There's 559 00:29:56,556 --> 00:30:02,996 Speaker 2: always something that is holding someone hostage from themselves. And 560 00:30:03,316 --> 00:30:08,676 Speaker 2: really being able to understand that has been I say transformational, 561 00:30:08,676 --> 00:30:10,836 Speaker 2: but that just feels so small to me because it 562 00:30:10,876 --> 00:30:14,636 Speaker 2: has been. It's really changed my worldview because it makes 563 00:30:14,676 --> 00:30:18,636 Speaker 2: me understand that if I am able to accept myself, 564 00:30:19,396 --> 00:30:24,196 Speaker 2: then I can reflect and from their reverberate energy that 565 00:30:24,316 --> 00:30:25,316 Speaker 2: allows for other. 566 00:30:25,156 --> 00:30:27,436 Speaker 3: People to accept themselves, so that. 567 00:30:27,476 --> 00:30:30,396 Speaker 2: The more that I can accept myself, the more that 568 00:30:30,436 --> 00:30:33,076 Speaker 2: I can lean into my truth, the more that it 569 00:30:33,156 --> 00:30:38,276 Speaker 2: can resonate in ways that I will probably never understand, 570 00:30:38,356 --> 00:30:42,676 Speaker 2: Like I will never understand the impact fully of making 571 00:30:42,796 --> 00:30:46,356 Speaker 2: space for even one person to be comfortable with themselves, 572 00:30:46,916 --> 00:30:49,716 Speaker 2: because that person is going to influence another person and 573 00:30:49,756 --> 00:30:51,516 Speaker 2: then so on and so on. 574 00:30:51,916 --> 00:30:53,836 Speaker 1: And this is one of the most powerful concepts that 575 00:30:53,836 --> 00:30:57,596 Speaker 1: we're talking about, is this idea of self compassion, right, like, 576 00:30:57,996 --> 00:31:01,316 Speaker 1: kind of giving yourself some grace can feel selfish, but 577 00:31:01,476 --> 00:31:03,636 Speaker 1: ultimately it's one of the biggest gifts we can give 578 00:31:03,676 --> 00:31:06,556 Speaker 1: to the people around us, because if we allow ourselves 579 00:31:06,556 --> 00:31:09,276 Speaker 1: some grace, that means that we're naturally extending grace to 580 00:31:09,356 --> 00:31:11,876 Speaker 1: other people who need to give it to themselves too. 581 00:31:12,276 --> 00:31:14,156 Speaker 1: I think that's one of the reasons, at least when 582 00:31:14,196 --> 00:31:17,076 Speaker 1: we practice together in Montana, you ended your class with 583 00:31:17,116 --> 00:31:19,036 Speaker 1: a wonderful phrase, and I thought it'd be a nice 584 00:31:19,156 --> 00:31:23,116 Speaker 1: ending for this mini season on self compassion about the 585 00:31:23,236 --> 00:31:25,556 Speaker 1: light in me sees the light in you, but the 586 00:31:25,676 --> 00:31:27,836 Speaker 1: darkness in me also sees the darkness in you. 587 00:31:28,356 --> 00:31:31,236 Speaker 2: Yes's the thing, man, because it's like, it's not about 588 00:31:31,316 --> 00:31:33,516 Speaker 2: changing anything. I was just saying to my partner the 589 00:31:33,596 --> 00:31:36,516 Speaker 2: other day, I would spend so much time trying not 590 00:31:36,556 --> 00:31:39,116 Speaker 2: to accept something about myself and like just trying to 591 00:31:39,196 --> 00:31:40,916 Speaker 2: change it. I'll be like, I don't need to look 592 00:31:40,916 --> 00:31:42,996 Speaker 2: at that because I'm going to change it. Whatever the 593 00:31:43,076 --> 00:31:45,356 Speaker 2: thing is. It'll be like, yeah, I don't need to 594 00:31:45,396 --> 00:31:47,076 Speaker 2: look at all of that. I'm just going to change it. 595 00:31:47,196 --> 00:31:49,596 Speaker 2: But how can you change it if you don't look 596 00:31:49,636 --> 00:31:51,356 Speaker 2: at all of it? All you're doing is just making 597 00:31:51,356 --> 00:31:55,836 Speaker 2: a bigger mess. And so really being able to see that, like, no, 598 00:31:55,996 --> 00:31:59,676 Speaker 2: there is darkness inside of me. There is pure darkness, 599 00:31:59,996 --> 00:32:03,636 Speaker 2: and I can see that darkness, and if I make 600 00:32:03,716 --> 00:32:07,076 Speaker 2: space for it, I can accept that darkness. And the 601 00:32:07,116 --> 00:32:10,396 Speaker 2: beautiful thing is that when I accept that darkness in myself, 602 00:32:10,836 --> 00:32:14,516 Speaker 2: I can accept that darkness in somebody else, in everybody else, 603 00:32:14,716 --> 00:32:18,556 Speaker 2: because it is in everybody else, and there's no there's 604 00:32:18,716 --> 00:32:22,636 Speaker 2: none among us that get away from that darkness, and 605 00:32:22,676 --> 00:32:25,036 Speaker 2: that the darkness has to be there or else how 606 00:32:25,076 --> 00:32:30,236 Speaker 2: could the light be there. There's this assumption that comes 607 00:32:30,396 --> 00:32:36,476 Speaker 2: with being a person who's on a journey of self acceptance, 608 00:32:36,916 --> 00:32:40,436 Speaker 2: that there's an assumption that like, oh, well, that girl, 609 00:32:40,516 --> 00:32:42,596 Speaker 2: she's got it figured out, like you figured out how 610 00:32:42,636 --> 00:32:45,076 Speaker 2: to love yourself and how to be okay with everything 611 00:32:45,116 --> 00:32:47,676 Speaker 2: and so, and I just do not find that to 612 00:32:47,716 --> 00:32:49,476 Speaker 2: be the case. I think that I am on a 613 00:32:49,556 --> 00:32:52,476 Speaker 2: journey for the rest of my life to accept what 614 00:32:52,596 --> 00:32:54,956 Speaker 2: the universe has brought me. And I think that the 615 00:32:54,956 --> 00:32:57,116 Speaker 2: more that I can just accept that it is an 616 00:32:57,156 --> 00:33:01,396 Speaker 2: ongoing journey and that there will always be new ways 617 00:33:01,476 --> 00:33:04,316 Speaker 2: that that journey looks, the more that I can accept 618 00:33:04,356 --> 00:33:08,236 Speaker 2: that the better, because it's never going to end. 619 00:33:09,116 --> 00:33:12,156 Speaker 1: It's so grateful that I've discovered Jessamin's yoga practice. She's 620 00:33:12,196 --> 00:33:14,636 Speaker 1: really helping me break that link in my mind between 621 00:33:14,636 --> 00:33:18,756 Speaker 1: exercising and some dark urge to change my body. Nowadays, 622 00:33:18,796 --> 00:33:20,876 Speaker 1: when I roll out my yoga mat, I'm trying to 623 00:33:20,916 --> 00:33:23,356 Speaker 1: be more okay with how I look and to concentrate 624 00:33:23,396 --> 00:33:26,316 Speaker 1: instead on how the poses make me feel. But that's 625 00:33:26,356 --> 00:33:28,516 Speaker 1: because yoga is my thing. For you, it could be 626 00:33:28,516 --> 00:33:32,876 Speaker 1: something different, running, hiking, cycling, it doesn't matter. What really 627 00:33:32,916 --> 00:33:35,276 Speaker 1: matters is that the goal of exercise should be that 628 00:33:35,316 --> 00:33:38,116 Speaker 1: it brings you some sort of enjoyment and happiness. It 629 00:33:38,196 --> 00:33:42,636 Speaker 1: shouldn't be some panting, sweaty ordeal of self loathing. With 630 00:33:42,756 --> 00:33:45,356 Speaker 1: January coming to a close, this is the final episode 631 00:33:45,396 --> 00:33:47,876 Speaker 1: of our New Year's season. I want to thank all 632 00:33:47,876 --> 00:33:50,276 Speaker 1: of the experts who came on the show. I hope 633 00:33:50,276 --> 00:33:52,876 Speaker 1: we've convinced you that self compassion can be a much 634 00:33:52,916 --> 00:33:55,636 Speaker 1: more powerful weapon in our happiness arsenal than most of 635 00:33:55,676 --> 00:33:59,116 Speaker 1: us usually think. I'll ask you to do just one thing, 636 00:33:59,596 --> 00:34:02,836 Speaker 1: which is be kind to other people, but never forget 637 00:34:02,876 --> 00:34:06,236 Speaker 1: the power of being kind, caring and compassionate to yourself. 638 00:34:09,156 --> 00:34:15,396 Speaker 3: M d. 639 00:34:15,396 --> 00:34:17,996 Speaker 1: Happiness Lab was co written and produced by Ryan Dilly. 640 00:34:18,436 --> 00:34:20,796 Speaker 1: The show was mixed and mastered by Evan Viola, and 641 00:34:20,876 --> 00:34:24,556 Speaker 1: our original music was by Zachary Silver. Special thanks to 642 00:34:24,596 --> 00:34:28,236 Speaker 1: the entire Pushkin team, including Nei La Belle, Maggie Taylor, 643 00:34:28,516 --> 00:34:34,156 Speaker 1: Carl Migliori, Heather Fane, Sophie Crane, McKinnon, Eric Sandler, Jacob Weisbert, 644 00:34:34,356 --> 00:34:37,836 Speaker 1: and my agent, Ben Davis. D. Happiness Lab is brought 645 00:34:37,836 --> 00:34:40,596 Speaker 1: to you by Pushkin Industries and by me, Doctor Laurie 646 00:34:40,596 --> 00:34:53,556 Speaker 1: Sanchos