1
00:00:05,840 --> 00:00:08,000
Speaker 1: Hi, this is Annie and you're listening to Steph Mom

2
00:00:08,080 --> 00:00:22,319
Speaker 1: never told you, and today I'm so excited to be

3
00:00:22,440 --> 00:00:25,400
Speaker 1: joined by Anna and shreen the host of the podcast

4
00:00:25,800 --> 00:00:28,320
Speaker 1: Ethnically Ambiguous, which if you haven't checked out you should.

5
00:00:28,840 --> 00:00:33,360
Speaker 1: Thank you so much to both of you for joining us. Hi,

6
00:00:34,479 --> 00:00:36,120
Speaker 1: I don't know if you should wait. Yeah, it's just

7
00:00:36,159 --> 00:00:40,400
Speaker 1: Sharne as Susannah and we are very happy to be here.

8
00:00:40,560 --> 00:00:44,919
Speaker 1: We love your podcast and this is so cool. Yeah. Oh,

9
00:00:45,040 --> 00:00:47,159
Speaker 1: I'm so happy to have you and I love your

10
00:00:47,200 --> 00:00:51,400
Speaker 1: podcast as well. I love your theme music. Can you

11
00:00:51,560 --> 00:00:54,600
Speaker 1: tell us? Oh? No, what is it? So? That was

12
00:00:54,600 --> 00:00:56,720
Speaker 1: just like a fun project we did together, like what

13
00:00:56,960 --> 00:00:59,760
Speaker 1: like almost a year and a half ago, now, right

14
00:00:59,800 --> 00:01:03,080
Speaker 1: we first started thing. Yeah, yeah, that was fun. That

15
00:01:03,160 --> 00:01:06,600
Speaker 1: was fun. I love it. Yeah. Could you tell us

16
00:01:06,760 --> 00:01:11,759
Speaker 1: a little bit about yourselves and your show? Yeah? So, um,

17
00:01:11,840 --> 00:01:14,280
Speaker 1: me and Anna met in college where we became closer

18
00:01:14,319 --> 00:01:16,640
Speaker 1: and we both found ourselves in l a like pursuing

19
00:01:16,920 --> 00:01:20,760
Speaker 1: production and entertainment stuff and film. Uh, and so we

20
00:01:20,840 --> 00:01:25,120
Speaker 1: became closer and we wanted to have a space in

21
00:01:25,200 --> 00:01:27,800
Speaker 1: the industry for people like us that our Middle Eastern

22
00:01:27,840 --> 00:01:30,440
Speaker 1: because we never saw ourselves in the media at all,

23
00:01:30,920 --> 00:01:33,720
Speaker 1: and we the more we talked to each other, the

24
00:01:33,720 --> 00:01:35,720
Speaker 1: more we realize our voices are really important. And so

25
00:01:35,760 --> 00:01:37,759
Speaker 1: we made a YouTube show that was kind of short

26
00:01:37,800 --> 00:01:40,080
Speaker 1: lived by the same name, but we ended up making

27
00:01:40,160 --> 00:01:44,559
Speaker 1: the podcast ethnically ambiguous to highlight UM Middle Eastern news

28
00:01:44,560 --> 00:01:47,840
Speaker 1: that doesn't really get talked about in Western media and

29
00:01:47,880 --> 00:01:51,600
Speaker 1: also UM bring attention to people of color and women

30
00:01:51,680 --> 00:01:55,080
Speaker 1: and um just people in the community that are doing

31
00:01:55,120 --> 00:01:59,040
Speaker 1: really cool things. And I'm Serrian American and my family

32
00:01:59,200 --> 00:02:03,480
Speaker 1: was immigrated from Syria. And then Anna, yeah, and I'm

33
00:02:03,520 --> 00:02:06,440
Speaker 1: Irani and American. My parents are both from Iran, and yeah,

34
00:02:06,480 --> 00:02:08,880
Speaker 1: we just we just needed a space to also like

35
00:02:09,000 --> 00:02:11,880
Speaker 1: talk about things that like most people wouldn't relate to

36
00:02:12,200 --> 00:02:15,600
Speaker 1: but we just wanted we're basically people around us wouldn't

37
00:02:15,600 --> 00:02:17,880
Speaker 1: relate to us. But then like in the greater sphere

38
00:02:17,880 --> 00:02:19,840
Speaker 1: of the world, there were all these different people that

39
00:02:19,919 --> 00:02:22,320
Speaker 1: we knew would understand what we were talking about. We

40
00:02:22,440 --> 00:02:24,560
Speaker 1: just needed to reach them somehow. Yeah, so like being

41
00:02:24,639 --> 00:02:29,320
Speaker 1: children of immigrants, being like the hairy like person in school,

42
00:02:29,440 --> 00:02:32,040
Speaker 1: or like having big eyebrows or whatever, and we talked

43
00:02:32,080 --> 00:02:34,800
Speaker 1: about all these things that made us feel really alienated

44
00:02:34,840 --> 00:02:38,120
Speaker 1: and we are growing up, but now it's bringing people

45
00:02:38,120 --> 00:02:41,880
Speaker 1: like us together with our podcast so it's really cool. Yeah.

46
00:02:42,080 --> 00:02:44,280
Speaker 1: I love that. Um, that's one of my favorite things

47
00:02:44,320 --> 00:02:48,200
Speaker 1: about podcasting is how hearing from people who have said

48
00:02:48,320 --> 00:02:51,080
Speaker 1: I grew up in a small town and I never

49
00:02:52,000 --> 00:02:57,160
Speaker 1: got to see myself or even hear myself reflected around me.

50
00:02:57,240 --> 00:03:01,360
Speaker 1: But having podcasts um made me feel less alone and

51
00:03:01,400 --> 00:03:03,480
Speaker 1: it showed me that there was a big world out

52
00:03:03,520 --> 00:03:07,639
Speaker 1: there and there were other people like me. Yeah, it's

53
00:03:07,639 --> 00:03:10,240
Speaker 1: really humbling when that happens, because we get letters or

54
00:03:10,280 --> 00:03:14,080
Speaker 1: like emails and messages from people, and UM, I genuinely

55
00:03:14,120 --> 00:03:17,000
Speaker 1: like forget that we have listeners. Sometimes I feel like

56
00:03:17,000 --> 00:03:19,320
Speaker 1: I'm just having a conversation with Anna and then like

57
00:03:19,360 --> 00:03:22,079
Speaker 1: I leave the room and it's fine. But then when

58
00:03:22,080 --> 00:03:24,320
Speaker 1: we get messages like that, it's like, oh, this is

59
00:03:24,360 --> 00:03:26,960
Speaker 1: why we're doing it, Like it's really important. Yeah. It

60
00:03:27,000 --> 00:03:28,480
Speaker 1: just means a lot to me that when when we

61
00:03:28,520 --> 00:03:32,720
Speaker 1: talk about personal things that maybe are hard for us

62
00:03:32,760 --> 00:03:34,639
Speaker 1: and then to get a good response. I think it's

63
00:03:34,639 --> 00:03:38,040
Speaker 1: really um an amazing platform. Yea, And I feel I

64
00:03:38,120 --> 00:03:40,560
Speaker 1: feel like if I had only had something like this

65
00:03:40,640 --> 00:03:42,600
Speaker 1: growing up, I would have been less of a weirdo,

66
00:03:43,120 --> 00:03:45,320
Speaker 1: like a recluse, because I just felt like I didn't

67
00:03:45,320 --> 00:03:47,720
Speaker 1: fit in anyway with anyone. And it's nice to hear

68
00:03:47,800 --> 00:03:50,320
Speaker 1: just someone be like, yeah, I went through that exact

69
00:03:50,360 --> 00:03:53,680
Speaker 1: same thing and nobody got it. Yeah, And it's really

70
00:03:53,680 --> 00:03:57,880
Speaker 1: cool being that person that someone's like, oh, I'm not alone. Like,

71
00:03:57,960 --> 00:04:00,360
Speaker 1: if we can be that person or those bol to

72
00:04:00,440 --> 00:04:03,600
Speaker 1: even like a handful of listeners, that would make everything

73
00:04:03,640 --> 00:04:05,400
Speaker 1: worth it. But the fact that we have more than

74
00:04:05,440 --> 00:04:08,000
Speaker 1: that and people appreciate it, and even if they aren't

75
00:04:08,040 --> 00:04:11,000
Speaker 1: minority or like marginalized people. Um, we got a lot

76
00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:13,960
Speaker 1: of people saying like, hey, I'm a white person from

77
00:04:14,000 --> 00:04:16,279
Speaker 1: the Midwest and i had no idea about your culture

78
00:04:16,279 --> 00:04:19,360
Speaker 1: and now I'm so curious and fascinated by it. Thank

79
00:04:19,400 --> 00:04:22,120
Speaker 1: you for like telling me. So it's a mixed bag

80
00:04:22,160 --> 00:04:26,120
Speaker 1: of people that are um also aliens like us and

81
00:04:26,360 --> 00:04:29,880
Speaker 1: um people that are learning for the first time what

82
00:04:29,920 --> 00:04:32,120
Speaker 1: it means to be a child of an immigrant, to

83
00:04:32,160 --> 00:04:36,279
Speaker 1: be Syrian or Iranian or um just growing up uh

84
00:04:36,480 --> 00:04:38,960
Speaker 1: not white, you know. Yeah. And then just to give

85
00:04:39,000 --> 00:04:42,920
Speaker 1: people the chance to have empathy towards people of colors,

86
00:04:42,960 --> 00:04:44,720
Speaker 1: big because I feel like we need that more than

87
00:04:44,760 --> 00:04:49,280
Speaker 1: ever right now, Yeah, I agree, Um. And and going

88
00:04:49,320 --> 00:04:52,920
Speaker 1: off of that, when you both came to me with

89
00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:58,200
Speaker 1: this pitch, Um, it was about growing up with immigrant

90
00:04:58,240 --> 00:05:01,920
Speaker 1: parents and and the rules that you had, um, and

91
00:05:01,960 --> 00:05:04,720
Speaker 1: how you were comparing your bodies to the white friends

92
00:05:04,720 --> 00:05:07,040
Speaker 1: that you were growing up with. So could you talk

93
00:05:07,080 --> 00:05:10,839
Speaker 1: a little bit about I'm wondering if you if it

94
00:05:10,880 --> 00:05:14,000
Speaker 1: would be useful to talk about your parents and how

95
00:05:14,440 --> 00:05:17,919
Speaker 1: they came to the United States for this conversation or

96
00:05:18,040 --> 00:05:22,400
Speaker 1: not at all, Like I really would love for you

97
00:05:22,480 --> 00:05:26,720
Speaker 1: to sort of guide what you think where this conversation

98
00:05:26,720 --> 00:05:29,720
Speaker 1: should go. Sure, I mean you wanted to talk a

99
00:05:29,720 --> 00:05:33,240
Speaker 1: little about why your parents came. Sure. So my parents

100
00:05:33,279 --> 00:05:36,279
Speaker 1: married in Syria and the government has always been really

101
00:05:36,279 --> 00:05:38,719
Speaker 1: corrupt over there, and my dad, he was a civil

102
00:05:38,760 --> 00:05:42,080
Speaker 1: engineer and my mom was an English translator and a

103
00:05:42,120 --> 00:05:45,080
Speaker 1: teacher for some time. But seeing how corrupt the government was,

104
00:05:45,120 --> 00:05:47,000
Speaker 1: my dad made a choice not to raise a family

105
00:05:47,040 --> 00:05:51,360
Speaker 1: there and so they immigrated to so Cal And Um,

106
00:05:51,440 --> 00:05:53,960
Speaker 1: he had to start from scratch. He was the graveyard

107
00:05:54,000 --> 00:05:58,040
Speaker 1: shift at a gas station. So really, the majority of

108
00:05:58,080 --> 00:06:02,120
Speaker 1: immigrants you see here in the States, it's um. They

109
00:06:02,120 --> 00:06:04,800
Speaker 1: had jobs and lives somewhere else and they really have

110
00:06:04,880 --> 00:06:07,920
Speaker 1: to start over. And that's why I really think immigrants

111
00:06:07,960 --> 00:06:11,160
Speaker 1: are just the most strong group of people we have.

112
00:06:11,720 --> 00:06:15,080
Speaker 1: But regardless, my parents were here, and um, I was

113
00:06:15,160 --> 00:06:18,240
Speaker 1: raised Muslim because both of my parents families are Muslim

114
00:06:18,279 --> 00:06:21,920
Speaker 1: and they're Muslim, and still they came from a pretty

115
00:06:21,960 --> 00:06:26,599
Speaker 1: conservative I mean, even though Syria is a secular country, Um,

116
00:06:26,640 --> 00:06:29,240
Speaker 1: it's still conservative when it comes to women as far

117
00:06:29,279 --> 00:06:32,200
Speaker 1: as like like if if a woman has her hair

118
00:06:32,320 --> 00:06:35,039
Speaker 1: uncovered or is wearing tight clothes, it's assumes she's a

119
00:06:35,040 --> 00:06:38,200
Speaker 1: Westerner in Syria, and so my dad's family in particular

120
00:06:38,240 --> 00:06:42,279
Speaker 1: were very strict. All the women in his family are covered. Um,

121
00:06:42,320 --> 00:06:45,359
Speaker 1: even though my mom's family is also Muslim, they're more liberal,

122
00:06:45,440 --> 00:06:48,159
Speaker 1: and um, we're in a straight as far as religion goes.

123
00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:50,880
Speaker 1: But when we moved here, my dad made sure to

124
00:06:50,960 --> 00:06:53,440
Speaker 1: raise this all Muslim and it's something that he really

125
00:06:53,480 --> 00:06:56,560
Speaker 1: wants to hold onto because he attributed being Muslim to

126
00:06:56,680 --> 00:06:59,960
Speaker 1: being like part of the culture. And I disagree with

127
00:07:00,080 --> 00:07:02,719
Speaker 1: that only because I think being graised would religion made

128
00:07:02,720 --> 00:07:05,640
Speaker 1: me kind of despise it, and not not that I

129
00:07:05,680 --> 00:07:09,159
Speaker 1: despise that religion in particular, just like all religion. Um,

130
00:07:09,240 --> 00:07:11,080
Speaker 1: and so I rebelled a lot. I didn't listen to

131
00:07:11,160 --> 00:07:13,400
Speaker 1: the rules. I wasn't allowed to wear like tank tops

132
00:07:13,520 --> 00:07:15,520
Speaker 1: or shorts. And now when I reached a certain age

133
00:07:15,560 --> 00:07:17,960
Speaker 1: and like learn how to drive, I would change clothes

134
00:07:18,000 --> 00:07:20,720
Speaker 1: in my car before going to school. And so, um,

135
00:07:20,920 --> 00:07:23,960
Speaker 1: little tiny rebellions here and there. But um, I think

136
00:07:23,960 --> 00:07:28,120
Speaker 1: my both of my parents, they interpreted being a good

137
00:07:28,200 --> 00:07:34,120
Speaker 1: Muslim or a modest woman with being a good representation

138
00:07:34,240 --> 00:07:35,880
Speaker 1: of what it is to be an Arab American. And

139
00:07:35,920 --> 00:07:37,800
Speaker 1: I think that's what they wanted me and my sisters

140
00:07:37,800 --> 00:07:40,440
Speaker 1: to be, to be like the best example of an

141
00:07:40,480 --> 00:07:43,880
Speaker 1: Arab American girl that is Muslim. And um, unfortunately I

142
00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:47,880
Speaker 1: don't feel like I am that, but um, but I

143
00:07:47,920 --> 00:07:50,840
Speaker 1: feel like I'm a good person, and I think that's enough,

144
00:07:51,120 --> 00:07:54,400
Speaker 1: you know. Yeah, And you know, my parents came from Iran.

145
00:07:54,440 --> 00:07:57,880
Speaker 1: They came separately from um, different parts of Iran to

146
00:07:57,960 --> 00:08:01,200
Speaker 1: go to college in America, and their plan was originally

147
00:08:01,240 --> 00:08:03,480
Speaker 1: to go back to Iran after they graduated and got

148
00:08:03,480 --> 00:08:07,920
Speaker 1: through degrees. But um, the Iranian Revolution happened in nineteen nine,

149
00:08:07,920 --> 00:08:09,360
Speaker 1: and that just after that they're kind of like, well,

150
00:08:09,400 --> 00:08:11,320
Speaker 1: might as well just stay in America and try and

151
00:08:11,360 --> 00:08:13,840
Speaker 1: work and start a family. And that's kind of around

152
00:08:13,880 --> 00:08:17,160
Speaker 1: the time my parents met and got married and had

153
00:08:17,200 --> 00:08:20,440
Speaker 1: me and and and my mom is a very devout

154
00:08:20,560 --> 00:08:24,559
Speaker 1: Muslim woman, UM, and my father is secular, so I

155
00:08:24,600 --> 00:08:27,040
Speaker 1: wasn't really like I I would always when I would

156
00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:28,680
Speaker 1: hang out with my mom, that's when I would get

157
00:08:28,680 --> 00:08:31,160
Speaker 1: all my like religious vibes for her, and like I

158
00:08:31,160 --> 00:08:33,200
Speaker 1: would hear a lot about it. But with my dad,

159
00:08:33,240 --> 00:08:35,160
Speaker 1: it was never really a thing like he didn't really

160
00:08:35,200 --> 00:08:36,720
Speaker 1: care for and was just kind of like, hey, I

161
00:08:36,760 --> 00:08:39,880
Speaker 1: can't really handle these religious people pushing their stuff on me,

162
00:08:40,160 --> 00:08:42,319
Speaker 1: which was not what my mom was. Like, my mom

163
00:08:42,360 --> 00:08:46,200
Speaker 1: really always kept herself, but they both came from a

164
00:08:46,280 --> 00:08:50,520
Speaker 1: more conservative country in this sense, Like my mom always

165
00:08:50,559 --> 00:08:53,120
Speaker 1: like she always dressed very conservatively into this day she

166
00:08:53,280 --> 00:08:57,040
Speaker 1: still does and that UM and my father always kind

167
00:08:57,040 --> 00:09:00,120
Speaker 1: of believed in, you know, doing that and not being

168
00:09:00,480 --> 00:09:03,880
Speaker 1: to show e just being like classy and clean and

169
00:09:03,960 --> 00:09:06,360
Speaker 1: just don't show too much skin because you don't want

170
00:09:06,360 --> 00:09:08,480
Speaker 1: to pull attention to you, Like just do your work

171
00:09:08,640 --> 00:09:11,320
Speaker 1: and don't bother anyone and no one will bother you,

172
00:09:11,920 --> 00:09:15,000
Speaker 1: and just very straight and narrow path in life, like

173
00:09:15,160 --> 00:09:18,920
Speaker 1: that's what they wanted for me. And I think I

174
00:09:18,920 --> 00:09:20,600
Speaker 1: I became a little bit more vibrant than that I

175
00:09:20,600 --> 00:09:23,840
Speaker 1: would like. Shreen said, I I rebelled a lot, and I,

176
00:09:24,120 --> 00:09:27,160
Speaker 1: you know, I would wear clothes to just test them

177
00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:29,640
Speaker 1: and see how far I could get away with it.

178
00:09:29,679 --> 00:09:31,679
Speaker 1: Like I wasn't allowed to paint my nails, and I

179
00:09:31,679 --> 00:09:34,000
Speaker 1: would paint my nails until my dad would basically freak

180
00:09:34,040 --> 00:09:36,000
Speaker 1: out and tell me to go take it off, and

181
00:09:36,040 --> 00:09:37,640
Speaker 1: I would just I was just trying and push the

182
00:09:37,679 --> 00:09:41,000
Speaker 1: limits to see, you know, how far I could take

183
00:09:41,040 --> 00:09:43,520
Speaker 1: it in how strict they really were. And I learned

184
00:09:43,520 --> 00:09:48,280
Speaker 1: they were very strict. Yeah, I think I think being

185
00:09:48,600 --> 00:09:52,240
Speaker 1: a children of parents that are stricter in the US,

186
00:09:52,280 --> 00:09:54,959
Speaker 1: when you're raised by Americans or like not because we're

187
00:09:54,960 --> 00:09:58,240
Speaker 1: also American, though when you're raised by when you're raised

188
00:09:58,240 --> 00:10:03,800
Speaker 1: alongside more American culture with your immigrant culture, you feel

189
00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:09,199
Speaker 1: like such a just a strange being because you can't

190
00:10:09,240 --> 00:10:11,719
Speaker 1: relate to kids that can stay out it later, can

191
00:10:11,760 --> 00:10:15,040
Speaker 1: wear whatever they want to like it's it makes you

192
00:10:15,080 --> 00:10:19,120
Speaker 1: feel so I don't know, just like apart from everything else,

193
00:10:19,160 --> 00:10:21,959
Speaker 1: I always felt so apart from every like like the

194
00:10:22,320 --> 00:10:26,080
Speaker 1: general public and um, I don't think my parents intended that,

195
00:10:26,200 --> 00:10:28,480
Speaker 1: but I think they really wanted us to be proud

196
00:10:28,480 --> 00:10:30,959
Speaker 1: of our culture and be a good represent the model

197
00:10:31,000 --> 00:10:35,280
Speaker 1: minority in a way. But I think that backfires sometimes

198
00:10:35,360 --> 00:10:38,240
Speaker 1: because you are putting your children in a very Western

199
00:10:38,320 --> 00:10:41,320
Speaker 1: culture that is more liberated and as far as like

200
00:10:41,360 --> 00:10:43,720
Speaker 1: self expression goes, and I think both and and I

201
00:10:43,800 --> 00:10:47,960
Speaker 1: really value self expression, and um, I think my parents

202
00:10:48,080 --> 00:10:52,000
Speaker 1: had to adjust because it's just part of being It's

203
00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:53,960
Speaker 1: a funny thing because they bring they come to America

204
00:10:53,960 --> 00:10:56,000
Speaker 1: because they're like, you're going to have the American dream

205
00:10:56,080 --> 00:10:57,760
Speaker 1: in that sense, you're gonna be able to do what

206
00:10:57,840 --> 00:10:59,720
Speaker 1: you need to do. But then they get upset if

207
00:10:59,720 --> 00:11:01,520
Speaker 1: you'd be come to americanized and you're like, well, what

208
00:11:01,559 --> 00:11:06,040
Speaker 1: do you want? Yeah? And like I really appreciate being

209
00:11:06,120 --> 00:11:08,360
Speaker 1: raised Muslim because it really did teach me like amazing

210
00:11:08,440 --> 00:11:11,679
Speaker 1: values and it's a beautiful religion. I think religion has

211
00:11:11,679 --> 00:11:15,640
Speaker 1: its merits, but just me personally, I can't. I'm not

212
00:11:15,760 --> 00:11:18,520
Speaker 1: a religious person and I don't really believe in God,

213
00:11:18,640 --> 00:11:22,080
Speaker 1: and um, it's no one's fault like myself, and I

214
00:11:22,080 --> 00:11:24,160
Speaker 1: feel like my dad would really take it personally and

215
00:11:24,200 --> 00:11:26,800
Speaker 1: blame himself for not doing a better job raising us

216
00:11:26,840 --> 00:11:30,200
Speaker 1: to be good Muslims. But it's just not who I am.

217
00:11:30,320 --> 00:11:34,680
Speaker 1: And I think accepting that and UM still like being

218
00:11:34,679 --> 00:11:36,680
Speaker 1: the same person around my parents and they know that

219
00:11:36,720 --> 00:11:40,440
Speaker 1: I'm a good person. I think it's just yeah, I think,

220
00:11:41,600 --> 00:11:44,440
Speaker 1: um being when realized. I remember when I was twelve

221
00:11:44,480 --> 00:11:46,080
Speaker 1: years old, I told my mom I didn't believe in

222
00:11:46,080 --> 00:11:48,400
Speaker 1: God and she started crying, and so I really I

223
00:11:48,480 --> 00:11:50,520
Speaker 1: was like, oh, Okay, this is not a topic I

224
00:11:50,520 --> 00:11:54,240
Speaker 1: should breach anymore. Copy that. UM, So I just kept

225
00:11:54,280 --> 00:11:57,320
Speaker 1: it to myself. And I think, Um, until you're able

226
00:11:57,360 --> 00:12:01,360
Speaker 1: to leave the house, you don't really know a lot

227
00:12:01,400 --> 00:12:04,920
Speaker 1: about yourself still. And then I think that's a big

228
00:12:04,960 --> 00:12:06,679
Speaker 1: part of being raised with them in your parents is

229
00:12:06,760 --> 00:12:11,760
Speaker 1: you have to get out of their Unfortunately, in my experience,

230
00:12:11,760 --> 00:12:14,199
Speaker 1: you have to make your own life. And then you're like, oh,

231
00:12:14,240 --> 00:12:19,240
Speaker 1: this is who I am kind of thing. Yeah. Yeah.

232
00:12:19,240 --> 00:12:22,880
Speaker 1: When I was researching this, UM trying to I was

233
00:12:22,920 --> 00:12:26,120
Speaker 1: just reading a lot of accounts from people who were

234
00:12:26,200 --> 00:12:28,840
Speaker 1: raised by immigrant parents, and something I found a lot

235
00:12:28,960 --> 00:12:33,199
Speaker 1: was immigrant parent guilt. I don't know if that's something

236
00:12:33,240 --> 00:12:36,440
Speaker 1: that it sounds like it's something that you experienced, but

237
00:12:37,040 --> 00:12:42,679
Speaker 1: definitely yeah. But that's the thing, Like my parents are remarkable,

238
00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:44,800
Speaker 1: and so are and A's parents. I think they're the

239
00:12:44,840 --> 00:12:47,280
Speaker 1: most hard working, generous people and I love them more

240
00:12:47,320 --> 00:12:50,040
Speaker 1: than anything. And if the fact that they could feel

241
00:12:50,040 --> 00:12:52,760
Speaker 1: guilty about not doing a better job raising me in

242
00:12:52,760 --> 00:12:55,440
Speaker 1: a way that would maybe be like more ideal for

243
00:12:55,480 --> 00:12:59,400
Speaker 1: their families, that makes me really sad because I I

244
00:12:59,400 --> 00:13:01,640
Speaker 1: don't want them to be disappointed in me or get

245
00:13:01,920 --> 00:13:04,400
Speaker 1: like from their families, because that's what happens. It's like

246
00:13:05,120 --> 00:13:07,400
Speaker 1: when I wear when I posted a picture of myself

247
00:13:07,520 --> 00:13:09,880
Speaker 1: wearing shorts or a tank top, my dad might get

248
00:13:09,880 --> 00:13:13,400
Speaker 1: a call from his like million brothers and like brate

249
00:13:13,520 --> 00:13:16,600
Speaker 1: him about how he's raising us. And so it makes

250
00:13:16,600 --> 00:13:18,840
Speaker 1: me feel so self conscious online. It makes me feel

251
00:13:18,880 --> 00:13:23,600
Speaker 1: self conscious, Like it's as a person because being raised

252
00:13:23,600 --> 00:13:26,040
Speaker 1: to always cover your body, whether it is with baggy clothes,

253
00:13:26,040 --> 00:13:28,599
Speaker 1: whether it's not showing your skin. You do, but do

254
00:13:28,640 --> 00:13:31,120
Speaker 1: you develop a complex about your body and you it's

255
00:13:31,160 --> 00:13:35,080
Speaker 1: almost like this. It's not self hate, but it's pretty close.

256
00:13:35,760 --> 00:13:38,360
Speaker 1: It's just self consciousness. Its self hate. It's anxiety. You

257
00:13:38,520 --> 00:13:41,160
Speaker 1: learn to like reject your body, you don't relate to

258
00:13:41,240 --> 00:13:43,800
Speaker 1: you don't learn anything about your body. You're not told

259
00:13:43,840 --> 00:13:46,480
Speaker 1: to Like, no, seriously, you have a vagina and there's

260
00:13:46,559 --> 00:13:50,480
Speaker 1: you know, there's stuff go like tampons or like even

261
00:13:50,520 --> 00:13:53,720
Speaker 1: just like how to wear clothes that fit your figure.

262
00:13:53,800 --> 00:13:56,400
Speaker 1: You don't learn any of Yeah, Like I didn't even know.

263
00:13:57,240 --> 00:13:59,120
Speaker 1: My second year of college was the first time in

264
00:13:59,200 --> 00:14:02,400
Speaker 1: wore a tampon because my white roommate was like, there's

265
00:14:02,520 --> 00:14:04,240
Speaker 1: these are amazing and I wasn't allowed to wear them

266
00:14:04,240 --> 00:14:05,760
Speaker 1: growing up, And I was like, you know what, I'm

267
00:14:05,800 --> 00:14:08,680
Speaker 1: gonna try and I taught. I was like, I explained

268
00:14:08,679 --> 00:14:10,680
Speaker 1: it to my sisters. I told my mom about it.

269
00:14:10,720 --> 00:14:13,480
Speaker 1: I was like, why are we so outdated? Just like

270
00:14:13,600 --> 00:14:17,600
Speaker 1: used tampons. So it was just like, um, it's not

271
00:14:17,640 --> 00:14:21,520
Speaker 1: even it's not their fault. I just think they wanted

272
00:14:21,600 --> 00:14:25,520
Speaker 1: to preserve something that they associated with our culture. Um.

273
00:14:25,600 --> 00:14:28,480
Speaker 1: But the the downside of that is that I hated

274
00:14:28,520 --> 00:14:30,400
Speaker 1: my vadryor growing up. I didn't want to touch it.

275
00:14:30,400 --> 00:14:31,760
Speaker 1: I didn't want to look at it. I thought it

276
00:14:31,800 --> 00:14:34,040
Speaker 1: was gross. I did not lock my body. I hated

277
00:14:34,080 --> 00:14:35,880
Speaker 1: my breasts. I like would take I would wear like

278
00:14:35,880 --> 00:14:38,000
Speaker 1: two sports bras in high school because I hated people

279
00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:40,120
Speaker 1: looking at me with my because I had like bigger

280
00:14:40,120 --> 00:14:43,240
Speaker 1: boobs and I wanted to like glue them to my

281
00:14:43,400 --> 00:14:48,560
Speaker 1: body and like make them flat. Um. And so yeah,

282
00:14:48,880 --> 00:14:53,600
Speaker 1: I think a lot of immigrant daughters don't really find

283
00:14:53,760 --> 00:14:56,640
Speaker 1: their sexuality or like their true selves. And maybe I'm

284
00:14:56,640 --> 00:14:59,760
Speaker 1: not gonna speak for everyone every daughter that's a raised

285
00:14:59,760 --> 00:15:02,760
Speaker 1: but figrants, but I think it's a we're like late

286
00:15:02,800 --> 00:15:06,880
Speaker 1: bloomers almost because and if you do figure anything out,

287
00:15:06,920 --> 00:15:10,800
Speaker 1: you're doing it completely in secret, on your own time,

288
00:15:11,040 --> 00:15:15,080
Speaker 1: because your mom is not sitting you down. There's no talk,

289
00:15:15,160 --> 00:15:17,520
Speaker 1: there's never a tal and if there is, it's just

290
00:15:17,640 --> 00:15:21,160
Speaker 1: a strange one. Like, um, we grew up in a

291
00:15:21,200 --> 00:15:24,120
Speaker 1: pretty we moved around while growing up because of my

292
00:15:24,200 --> 00:15:27,240
Speaker 1: dad's job, and um, we were in a pretty bad

293
00:15:27,240 --> 00:15:29,760
Speaker 1: neighborhood at one point. And in school, I was I

294
00:15:29,800 --> 00:15:32,440
Speaker 1: was in first grade or second grade. In school, someone

295
00:15:32,480 --> 00:15:35,000
Speaker 1: had said the word sex or something. And my sister

296
00:15:35,080 --> 00:15:36,200
Speaker 1: is a year and a half older than me, and

297
00:15:36,200 --> 00:15:37,720
Speaker 1: I remember we came back from school and we asked

298
00:15:37,720 --> 00:15:40,360
Speaker 1: my mom about it, and I was like six or seven,

299
00:15:40,600 --> 00:15:43,280
Speaker 1: and um, I was remember my mom sat us down

300
00:15:43,760 --> 00:15:46,360
Speaker 1: and she said, every man has a sword and every

301
00:15:46,360 --> 00:15:48,360
Speaker 1: woman has a pedestal. And this is like a very

302
00:15:48,440 --> 00:15:50,960
Speaker 1: rough translation from Arabic, but she said that like, don't

303
00:15:51,040 --> 00:15:54,280
Speaker 1: let anyone put their sword in you. And first of

304
00:15:54,320 --> 00:15:56,640
Speaker 1: all the most the most air of analogy to use

305
00:15:56,680 --> 00:15:59,840
Speaker 1: a sword, um, but second of all just terrifying. And

306
00:15:59,840 --> 00:16:03,200
Speaker 1: so you grow up with this fear and um, you're

307
00:16:03,240 --> 00:16:06,840
Speaker 1: not taught to embrace yourself. And I think that's something

308
00:16:06,960 --> 00:16:10,080
Speaker 1: that needs to be addressed. It really does. Yeah. I

309
00:16:10,080 --> 00:16:11,960
Speaker 1: mean I only think I ever heard from my mom

310
00:16:12,040 --> 00:16:14,800
Speaker 1: was just don't get pregnant. Yeah, it's like, well, how

311
00:16:14,840 --> 00:16:19,920
Speaker 1: do I not get pregnant? Like nothing? Yeah, yeah, please explain,

312
00:16:21,040 --> 00:16:25,120
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah yeah, So but it's not there. I really

313
00:16:25,320 --> 00:16:27,440
Speaker 1: don't fault my parents or anything, like. They did their

314
00:16:27,440 --> 00:16:30,320
Speaker 1: best and they are the best, and I love them

315
00:16:30,320 --> 00:16:33,040
Speaker 1: for it. I just think it requires you to really

316
00:16:33,080 --> 00:16:35,920
Speaker 1: be more independent and more self seeking when it comes

317
00:16:35,920 --> 00:16:40,720
Speaker 1: to your own self and um, like I just think

318
00:16:41,440 --> 00:16:43,480
Speaker 1: for me personally, I developed a lot of like body

319
00:16:43,520 --> 00:16:48,280
Speaker 1: dysmorphia and um part like like difficulties with like food

320
00:16:48,320 --> 00:16:51,200
Speaker 1: and stuff and so um it's still something I have

321
00:16:51,240 --> 00:16:54,680
Speaker 1: to like battle and stuff like that. But uh, I

322
00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:56,480
Speaker 1: don't blame them for that. I think it was just

323
00:16:56,520 --> 00:17:00,480
Speaker 1: the way I reacted to it, and um, but yeah,

324
00:17:00,640 --> 00:17:03,560
Speaker 1: even now, like I I feel like I think about

325
00:17:03,560 --> 00:17:05,520
Speaker 1: the clothes I wear really consciously. I think about the

326
00:17:05,520 --> 00:17:08,359
Speaker 1: pictures I post really consciously because I'm just like, what

327
00:17:08,440 --> 00:17:11,680
Speaker 1: if my uncle sees this? What if? I Like, It's

328
00:17:11,720 --> 00:17:13,320
Speaker 1: just I hate that I have to think that way,

329
00:17:13,359 --> 00:17:16,400
Speaker 1: and I'm trying to not anymore. And like, if there

330
00:17:16,400 --> 00:17:19,000
Speaker 1: are failing members that would like wrap me out for

331
00:17:19,040 --> 00:17:21,960
Speaker 1: something that I'm doing completely normally, then I'll just block

332
00:17:22,080 --> 00:17:24,720
Speaker 1: them or something. Yeah, which I went the other way.

333
00:17:24,760 --> 00:17:27,119
Speaker 1: I'm like out of control, and if anyone comments on me,

334
00:17:27,200 --> 00:17:30,040
Speaker 1: I say, hey, following me on Instagram is a privilege,

335
00:17:30,080 --> 00:17:32,960
Speaker 1: not a right, and then I start whole like drama

336
00:17:33,320 --> 00:17:35,879
Speaker 1: I I have in my past in Iran when I

337
00:17:35,960 --> 00:17:38,520
Speaker 1: visit my family have started so much drama over my

338
00:17:38,600 --> 00:17:41,240
Speaker 1: Instagram because I posted a photo of one uncle with

339
00:17:41,280 --> 00:17:43,160
Speaker 1: a woman that he shouldn't have been posted in a photo.

340
00:17:43,200 --> 00:17:44,720
Speaker 1: And I'm like, well, I'm not deleting it, and you

341
00:17:44,760 --> 00:17:49,520
Speaker 1: guys can figure it out yourselves. It's fun. It is.

342
00:17:49,560 --> 00:17:51,800
Speaker 1: It's also interesting because so much of our family is

343
00:17:51,840 --> 00:17:55,480
Speaker 1: not physically here in America, and so social media is

344
00:17:55,480 --> 00:17:57,960
Speaker 1: a big part of interacting, like whether it's on WhatsApp

345
00:17:58,200 --> 00:18:00,920
Speaker 1: or like Instagram or face book, like it's a big

346
00:18:00,920 --> 00:18:04,800
Speaker 1: part of keeping in touch. And um, like I'm already

347
00:18:05,080 --> 00:18:07,280
Speaker 1: the worst influence of my entire family because I was

348
00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:10,280
Speaker 1: the first one to ever get a tattoo, and both

349
00:18:10,320 --> 00:18:12,480
Speaker 1: of my parents, even though my sisters were both adults

350
00:18:12,560 --> 00:18:14,840
Speaker 1: when they got a tattoo, they kind of blamed me

351
00:18:15,040 --> 00:18:16,880
Speaker 1: for that because I was the first one and made

352
00:18:16,880 --> 00:18:19,600
Speaker 1: it seem okay, even though my sister, one of my sisters,

353
00:18:19,640 --> 00:18:23,320
Speaker 1: was older than me. But um, I just I've accepted

354
00:18:23,359 --> 00:18:26,480
Speaker 1: that role. I'm like the black sheet middle child that

355
00:18:26,560 --> 00:18:31,280
Speaker 1: like starched and it's rebellious and its troublemaker in their minds,

356
00:18:31,640 --> 00:18:34,480
Speaker 1: even though I've like never actually done anything that bad

357
00:18:34,520 --> 00:18:37,280
Speaker 1: in my opinion, But um but they do see me

358
00:18:37,359 --> 00:18:41,440
Speaker 1: as like the like not bad influence, but kind of yeah,

359
00:18:41,560 --> 00:18:46,080
Speaker 1: because getting a tattoo in Muslim culture or Arab culture,

360
00:18:46,560 --> 00:18:48,360
Speaker 1: and even I think perject culture is the same way.

361
00:18:48,400 --> 00:18:50,760
Speaker 1: It's like kind of like, I don't know, like a

362
00:18:50,960 --> 00:18:56,760
Speaker 1: scummy thing to do. Yeah, So yeah, that's another way.

363
00:18:56,800 --> 00:18:58,680
Speaker 1: I was like testing my limits, like it was something

364
00:18:58,760 --> 00:19:01,800
Speaker 1: I wanted and I just did it, And um, I

365
00:19:01,800 --> 00:19:06,800
Speaker 1: don't regret it. But my parents, I think just accepted

366
00:19:06,840 --> 00:19:11,080
Speaker 1: me eventually, and now they're okay, you know, they realize

367
00:19:11,119 --> 00:19:15,080
Speaker 1: that I'm my own person. H and and I think

368
00:19:15,119 --> 00:19:17,320
Speaker 1: they love each and every one of us, and I think,

369
00:19:18,080 --> 00:19:20,200
Speaker 1: knowing that they raised us to be good people, should

370
00:19:20,320 --> 00:19:24,520
Speaker 1: negate anything else. We have some more of our conversation,

371
00:19:24,600 --> 00:19:26,320
Speaker 1: but first we're gonna pause for a quick break for

372
00:19:26,359 --> 00:19:38,360
Speaker 1: word from our sponsor, and we're back. Thank you sponsor,

373
00:19:39,080 --> 00:19:43,640
Speaker 1: and back to the conversation. Do you is that a curiosity? Um?

374
00:19:43,680 --> 00:19:49,080
Speaker 1: What do they think about this whole podcasting thing? My well,

375
00:19:49,440 --> 00:19:51,679
Speaker 1: my mom does not care at all. She's in She

376
00:19:51,800 --> 00:19:53,680
Speaker 1: just says like, do whatever you do. I don't care,

377
00:19:53,760 --> 00:19:55,359
Speaker 1: Like she'll never listen to it because she has no

378
00:19:55,440 --> 00:19:59,719
Speaker 1: interest like that. My dad listens to it occasionally, and

379
00:20:00,119 --> 00:20:02,120
Speaker 1: he's into it. You know. It's the first time he's

380
00:20:02,119 --> 00:20:04,520
Speaker 1: ever really truly expressed that he's like proud of something

381
00:20:04,560 --> 00:20:07,320
Speaker 1: that I'm doing, and I do. I do think if

382
00:20:07,359 --> 00:20:09,520
Speaker 1: it was just any other podcast, he'd be like, oh,

383
00:20:09,560 --> 00:20:11,879
Speaker 1: you're just messing around. But I think because I do

384
00:20:11,920 --> 00:20:14,480
Speaker 1: it on the Middle East and our culture, he's more

385
00:20:14,640 --> 00:20:18,399
Speaker 1: interested and enjoys that I'm bringing like over that we

386
00:20:18,440 --> 00:20:20,840
Speaker 1: are bringing this kind of light to our world and

387
00:20:20,880 --> 00:20:23,480
Speaker 1: our culture and the countries that, for the most part

388
00:20:23,560 --> 00:20:26,200
Speaker 1: of mainstream media don't really get any attention. I mean

389
00:20:26,400 --> 00:20:28,960
Speaker 1: other than Saudi Arabia. Now thanks to Mohammed been Salmon,

390
00:20:29,040 --> 00:20:31,560
Speaker 1: he's really you know, his behavior has really brought Saudi

391
00:20:31,560 --> 00:20:35,080
Speaker 1: Arabia's really really great for the brand. Yeah, that's you

392
00:20:35,119 --> 00:20:39,760
Speaker 1: have to kill a journalist to get any attention these days. No,

393
00:20:39,920 --> 00:20:42,160
Speaker 1: but um yeah, my mom does not listen to anything

394
00:20:42,240 --> 00:20:45,560
Speaker 1: unless she's on it. Um. We we've had both our

395
00:20:45,560 --> 00:20:48,159
Speaker 1: parents on a couple of times, like we called him

396
00:20:48,160 --> 00:20:50,959
Speaker 1: on the phone, and people love those episodes a lot.

397
00:20:51,040 --> 00:20:53,840
Speaker 1: I love those episodes maybe the most. Um, my dad

398
00:20:54,000 --> 00:20:59,400
Speaker 1: listens pretty often, and I found myself being nervous about

399
00:20:59,400 --> 00:21:01,960
Speaker 1: what I say some times and censoring myself on my podcast.

400
00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:03,920
Speaker 1: And I'm far more open when I'm a guest on

401
00:21:03,920 --> 00:21:06,920
Speaker 1: other people's podcasts because of that reason. But I'm trying

402
00:21:06,960 --> 00:21:09,680
Speaker 1: to not do that because I want my listeners, our

403
00:21:09,720 --> 00:21:13,120
Speaker 1: listeners to know the intimate side is me of as well,

404
00:21:13,200 --> 00:21:15,160
Speaker 1: and not be walking on eggshell just because my dad

405
00:21:15,240 --> 00:21:18,359
Speaker 1: might listen. But my dad is really supportive. He really

406
00:21:18,640 --> 00:21:22,600
Speaker 1: just like with Anna's dad loves that we're proud about

407
00:21:22,640 --> 00:21:25,840
Speaker 1: our culture and talking about it openly and educating people

408
00:21:25,880 --> 00:21:29,040
Speaker 1: about us. And I think he's so he's proud that

409
00:21:29,119 --> 00:21:31,880
Speaker 1: we're proud. Um. He is kind of funny though, because

410
00:21:31,880 --> 00:21:33,480
Speaker 1: the last time he was on the podcast, he kind

411
00:21:33,480 --> 00:21:36,880
Speaker 1: of like gave us notes like he was like he does.

412
00:21:36,960 --> 00:21:39,320
Speaker 1: He holds like a press like he he won't really

413
00:21:39,359 --> 00:21:42,560
Speaker 1: compliment me until he makes sure, like I should do

414
00:21:42,600 --> 00:21:45,760
Speaker 1: something better, which is like just like a dad thing

415
00:21:45,800 --> 00:21:48,520
Speaker 1: to do. I think he's really but he's so supportive

416
00:21:48,560 --> 00:21:51,280
Speaker 1: and he's really proud of me. And yeah, I think

417
00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:54,520
Speaker 1: I was weirded out that he was listening all the

418
00:21:54,560 --> 00:21:56,440
Speaker 1: time at first, but it's really just a cute thing

419
00:21:56,440 --> 00:21:58,679
Speaker 1: that he could do on his commute. And I love that.

420
00:21:58,760 --> 00:22:02,240
Speaker 1: I love that I'm like, um, a part of his day,

421
00:22:02,600 --> 00:22:05,720
Speaker 1: you know. And uh, I just have to maybe sit

422
00:22:05,760 --> 00:22:07,840
Speaker 1: down with him and tell him, like, sometimes I'll get

423
00:22:07,880 --> 00:22:11,679
Speaker 1: intimate and maybe you should listen to those ones, um,

424
00:22:11,720 --> 00:22:15,240
Speaker 1: because I think those conversations are maybe just as important

425
00:22:15,280 --> 00:22:20,240
Speaker 1: as other ones, whether it's about discovering your sexuality or um,

426
00:22:20,280 --> 00:22:24,760
Speaker 1: being comfortable in your own skin, or our experiences with

427
00:22:25,160 --> 00:22:28,560
Speaker 1: relationships or drugs or whatever. I think those taboo and

428
00:22:28,680 --> 00:22:32,520
Speaker 1: quotes topics are so important for other people like us

429
00:22:32,560 --> 00:22:38,119
Speaker 1: to listen to so they don't feel so shameful. Yeah, yeah,

430
00:22:38,160 --> 00:22:43,600
Speaker 1: I totally agree. And one thing that you both sort

431
00:22:43,600 --> 00:22:45,600
Speaker 1: of mentioned at the top and then I've heard in

432
00:22:46,000 --> 00:22:52,119
Speaker 1: several of your episodes is um kind of insecurity around

433
00:22:52,200 --> 00:22:58,119
Speaker 1: your body and and you you were mentioning like that

434
00:22:58,160 --> 00:23:02,480
Speaker 1: your hairiness and eyebrow as was there a point when

435
00:23:02,560 --> 00:23:06,040
Speaker 1: you realize that you had this different set of rules

436
00:23:06,080 --> 00:23:08,919
Speaker 1: as compared to your friends when it comes to like

437
00:23:09,960 --> 00:23:14,680
Speaker 1: clothing and um, and just this the beauty standard, which

438
00:23:14,720 --> 00:23:18,600
Speaker 1: is awful, but I think you can all create its awful.

439
00:23:19,400 --> 00:23:26,359
Speaker 1: Um yeah, I mean comparing yourself to your white friends. Um,

440
00:23:27,119 --> 00:23:29,320
Speaker 1: do you remember when that started to set in and

441
00:23:29,359 --> 00:23:32,399
Speaker 1: what that was like? Yeah? I feel like for me,

442
00:23:32,440 --> 00:23:36,080
Speaker 1: it's started like elementary school when I'd be like, oh, well,

443
00:23:36,160 --> 00:23:37,800
Speaker 1: no one looked like me because there was no other

444
00:23:37,840 --> 00:23:41,480
Speaker 1: Iranians around. And I never, like my hair was so

445
00:23:41,600 --> 00:23:44,320
Speaker 1: poofy and curly. I just like didn't know what to

446
00:23:44,400 --> 00:23:46,359
Speaker 1: do with it. So I always just had a ponytail,

447
00:23:46,359 --> 00:23:48,199
Speaker 1: Like I never did anything with my hair because I

448
00:23:48,200 --> 00:23:49,439
Speaker 1: just didn't know what to do. It's not like my

449
00:23:49,440 --> 00:23:51,920
Speaker 1: mom was telling me what to do. So I always

450
00:23:51,960 --> 00:23:53,760
Speaker 1: had this ponytail, and I just wish I could have

451
00:23:53,880 --> 00:23:56,520
Speaker 1: straight hair so I could do other stuff with it.

452
00:23:56,880 --> 00:23:58,520
Speaker 1: You know, it's never really an option. It's just like

453
00:23:58,560 --> 00:24:01,000
Speaker 1: if I leave my hair out, it looks very poofy.

454
00:24:01,040 --> 00:24:03,400
Speaker 1: And at the time, I remember it was like Princess

455
00:24:03,480 --> 00:24:07,080
Speaker 1: Bride or not Princess Bride, Princess Diaries, and I was like,

456
00:24:07,160 --> 00:24:09,600
Speaker 1: I need a Princess Diaries like makeover. Well, all of

457
00:24:09,600 --> 00:24:11,960
Speaker 1: a sudden, her hair got all poofy too, straight out

458
00:24:11,960 --> 00:24:14,359
Speaker 1: of nowhere, and I was like, well, that's the dream.

459
00:24:16,600 --> 00:24:18,680
Speaker 1: I was never we've never talked about that, but ever,

460
00:24:18,760 --> 00:24:22,199
Speaker 1: like my sisters were like, damn, I need to go

461
00:24:22,280 --> 00:24:25,720
Speaker 1: from poof to princess, and that like you know, of

462
00:24:25,760 --> 00:24:27,680
Speaker 1: course never happened because my mom was like, I'm not

463
00:24:27,720 --> 00:24:29,680
Speaker 1: buying you a hair straightener, and I was like, my

464
00:24:29,760 --> 00:24:33,719
Speaker 1: life is the worst, you know, uh. And also like

465
00:24:33,840 --> 00:24:37,400
Speaker 1: I never had cool clothes growing up, Like my mom

466
00:24:37,400 --> 00:24:39,800
Speaker 1: would buy me jeans and like kind of like larger

467
00:24:39,880 --> 00:24:42,240
Speaker 1: shirts to wear to kind of like hide my body.

468
00:24:42,760 --> 00:24:46,080
Speaker 1: So I never truly understood how to dress myself in

469
00:24:46,119 --> 00:24:48,440
Speaker 1: any way, like I had no sense of fashion because

470
00:24:48,440 --> 00:24:50,720
Speaker 1: like my mom, she has her look, but her look

471
00:24:50,800 --> 00:24:52,840
Speaker 1: is a very classic. She wears like pant suits all

472
00:24:52,840 --> 00:24:54,960
Speaker 1: the time because she's a working woman. So she's like,

473
00:24:54,960 --> 00:24:57,840
Speaker 1: I wear pant suits. They're conservative, they're nice, but you

474
00:24:57,880 --> 00:25:00,760
Speaker 1: know they're not over the top and it doesn't any attention.

475
00:25:00,800 --> 00:25:03,159
Speaker 1: And that's how my mom dressed me basically very bland,

476
00:25:03,200 --> 00:25:05,000
Speaker 1: don't pull any attention. Like I was basically in like

477
00:25:05,080 --> 00:25:07,920
Speaker 1: little pant suits for most of my life, Like I

478
00:25:07,960 --> 00:25:10,639
Speaker 1: wasn't really allowed to stray too far from that. And

479
00:25:10,680 --> 00:25:12,639
Speaker 1: as I got older and started kind of like picking

480
00:25:12,640 --> 00:25:14,720
Speaker 1: out my own clothes, like that's when I was like, oh,

481
00:25:14,760 --> 00:25:17,480
Speaker 1: I can wear bright colors. I can like fit in

482
00:25:17,480 --> 00:25:19,280
Speaker 1: with the other girls who wearing like flowers. And like

483
00:25:20,200 --> 00:25:22,679
Speaker 1: how earrings, Like I didn't have my ear piers for

484
00:25:22,960 --> 00:25:25,080
Speaker 1: most of my youth, Like I got my ear piers

485
00:25:25,080 --> 00:25:26,560
Speaker 1: in high school when I was like one day like,

486
00:25:26,760 --> 00:25:29,960
Speaker 1: well I'm going to go do and they can't really

487
00:25:30,000 --> 00:25:32,520
Speaker 1: stop me because it's not like it's that like just

488
00:25:32,640 --> 00:25:36,439
Speaker 1: regular ear piercings and your lobes, like that's not scandalous,

489
00:25:36,480 --> 00:25:40,639
Speaker 1: Like that's okay, And so like I I I had to,

490
00:25:41,480 --> 00:25:44,399
Speaker 1: you know, fight for a lot, and I was rejected

491
00:25:44,440 --> 00:25:46,119
Speaker 1: for most of it to try and like fit in

492
00:25:46,160 --> 00:25:48,120
Speaker 1: with the other girls, like to be able to paint

493
00:25:48,160 --> 00:25:50,600
Speaker 1: my nails even just pink, or go to like in

494
00:25:50,680 --> 00:25:52,840
Speaker 1: sync concerts, which I really wanted to do. But my

495
00:25:52,880 --> 00:25:54,919
Speaker 1: parents were like, what is that. We don't understand what

496
00:25:55,480 --> 00:25:57,959
Speaker 1: what your interests are or why you would have an

497
00:25:58,000 --> 00:26:01,240
Speaker 1: interest in a boy band because I'm dying to feel

498
00:26:03,440 --> 00:26:07,280
Speaker 1: because I'm Yeah, so it was. It started pretty young

499
00:26:07,320 --> 00:26:09,080
Speaker 1: when I started to realize how different I was and

500
00:26:09,080 --> 00:26:11,639
Speaker 1: how I just really didn't have a chance of blending

501
00:26:11,720 --> 00:26:14,919
Speaker 1: in with the other girls. And it was hard. It

502
00:26:14,960 --> 00:26:18,040
Speaker 1: took a lot to get over that. Yeah, I relate

503
00:26:18,119 --> 00:26:20,840
Speaker 1: to that a lot. I I my mom also she

504
00:26:21,000 --> 00:26:24,760
Speaker 1: my mom was very fashionable, but um, it didn't really

505
00:26:24,800 --> 00:26:26,960
Speaker 1: translate here. Like we she always dress us up in

506
00:26:27,080 --> 00:26:30,679
Speaker 1: very interesting outfits. Um, and I love my clothes, but

507
00:26:30,840 --> 00:26:33,320
Speaker 1: like people would always look at me weird and like

508
00:26:33,440 --> 00:26:36,240
Speaker 1: I also wore a lot of baggy T shirts or um,

509
00:26:36,720 --> 00:26:38,560
Speaker 1: me and my sister would kind of match all the time,

510
00:26:38,680 --> 00:26:40,280
Speaker 1: or she we would have like little pomp pumps in

511
00:26:40,320 --> 00:26:42,000
Speaker 1: her hair and me and my older sister we had

512
00:26:42,040 --> 00:26:44,440
Speaker 1: accents growing up, So I immediately knew always different because

513
00:26:44,440 --> 00:26:47,159
Speaker 1: I always got me fun of for my accent. Um,

514
00:26:47,200 --> 00:26:49,080
Speaker 1: because my mom taught us English with like hooked on

515
00:26:49,160 --> 00:26:51,760
Speaker 1: phonics and like she has an accent as well, So

516
00:26:51,800 --> 00:26:53,639
Speaker 1: it was kind of like I'm gonna learn it the

517
00:26:53,680 --> 00:26:57,159
Speaker 1: way my mom says it kind of thing. But I

518
00:26:57,520 --> 00:26:59,600
Speaker 1: had really bad I sight growing up, and so my

519
00:26:59,640 --> 00:27:02,840
Speaker 1: mom od us those like chains that old people wear

520
00:27:02,880 --> 00:27:05,360
Speaker 1: with their glasses, like where it attaches to the backs

521
00:27:05,720 --> 00:27:07,680
Speaker 1: and so it's like a necklace. And so we were

522
00:27:07,720 --> 00:27:11,960
Speaker 1: always like the weird nerdy kids that got like bullied constantly.

523
00:27:12,000 --> 00:27:16,199
Speaker 1: I got bullied, like just relentlessly throughout every school I

524
00:27:16,240 --> 00:27:20,680
Speaker 1: went to. And um, uh, so I knew it was different.

525
00:27:21,440 --> 00:27:24,920
Speaker 1: Um my hair wasn't as curly as it became when

526
00:27:24,920 --> 00:27:27,720
Speaker 1: I was in elementary school. I remember a very distinct moment.

527
00:27:27,760 --> 00:27:29,600
Speaker 1: I was playing with a friend in my house. She

528
00:27:29,680 --> 00:27:32,280
Speaker 1: was my next door neighbor, and she was white, and

529
00:27:32,359 --> 00:27:34,919
Speaker 1: we were like dragging. I was like forever reason, like

530
00:27:35,000 --> 00:27:36,800
Speaker 1: dragging her by her arms, like we were like playing

531
00:27:36,960 --> 00:27:38,520
Speaker 1: or whatever, and she looked at my feet and she

532
00:27:38,640 --> 00:27:43,600
Speaker 1: was like, your toes are hairy, and I was mortified.

533
00:27:43,920 --> 00:27:46,240
Speaker 1: I was like seven or eight years old. I think

534
00:27:46,240 --> 00:27:47,800
Speaker 1: it was eight years old, and I was like, oh,

535
00:27:48,000 --> 00:27:51,399
Speaker 1: I'm a monster. Like she I was like, she doesn't

536
00:27:51,400 --> 00:27:55,280
Speaker 1: have hairy toes, Like what the hell? And so I

537
00:27:55,280 --> 00:27:57,879
Speaker 1: remember that so clearly, even though it was like twenty

538
00:27:57,960 --> 00:28:01,240
Speaker 1: years ago, and um so yeah, that was a big

539
00:28:01,280 --> 00:28:03,840
Speaker 1: part of my realizing like, oh not everyone has hair

540
00:28:03,840 --> 00:28:06,160
Speaker 1: on their toes and oh not everyone has really hairy

541
00:28:06,280 --> 00:28:09,720
Speaker 1: arms or whatever. And I remember I shaved my eyebrows

542
00:28:09,760 --> 00:28:12,160
Speaker 1: in seventh grade. I shaved them. I shaved the middle

543
00:28:12,160 --> 00:28:13,800
Speaker 1: of them because I didn't want to get a unibrow.

544
00:28:14,040 --> 00:28:16,320
Speaker 1: And I went to sleep and the next morning my

545
00:28:16,359 --> 00:28:17,680
Speaker 1: mom looked at me when she woke me up, and

546
00:28:17,760 --> 00:28:20,439
Speaker 1: she was like, what did you do? And I was

547
00:28:20,480 --> 00:28:27,240
Speaker 1: like what, And so, um yeah, I always felt really bizarre.

548
00:28:27,440 --> 00:28:30,320
Speaker 1: And I went to middle school in high school in

549
00:28:30,320 --> 00:28:32,000
Speaker 1: a neighborhood that had a lot of Filipinos and a

550
00:28:32,040 --> 00:28:35,400
Speaker 1: lot of Asians, and so growing up with them, who

551
00:28:35,480 --> 00:28:38,480
Speaker 1: for the most part have very minimal body hair, that

552
00:28:38,640 --> 00:28:41,400
Speaker 1: was insane because I'd be at pe and my friend

553
00:28:41,400 --> 00:28:43,320
Speaker 1: would be like, I have a shaved in five days,

554
00:28:43,440 --> 00:28:45,200
Speaker 1: and I like, I shaved this morning and I already

555
00:28:45,200 --> 00:28:47,400
Speaker 1: you could feel my hair back, like I couldn't already

556
00:28:47,400 --> 00:28:50,000
Speaker 1: feel my hair coming back. And even that, even wearing

557
00:28:50,040 --> 00:28:54,360
Speaker 1: shorts to pe was a huge deal because my parents

558
00:28:54,520 --> 00:28:56,360
Speaker 1: run me wear pants, and for the most part I

559
00:28:56,400 --> 00:28:59,040
Speaker 1: did were sweatpants. But when I was at school, I

560
00:28:59,080 --> 00:29:03,400
Speaker 1: could wear shorts. And I remember, um, my older sister

561
00:29:03,440 --> 00:29:05,640
Speaker 1: wasn't allowed to shave, and I was like, you know what,

562
00:29:05,720 --> 00:29:07,240
Speaker 1: fuck it, I'm gonna shave. So I was like in

563
00:29:07,320 --> 00:29:09,960
Speaker 1: seventh or sixth grade and I remember going to my

564
00:29:10,000 --> 00:29:12,320
Speaker 1: mom's shower and like grabbing your razors starting to shave.

565
00:29:12,360 --> 00:29:14,160
Speaker 1: But she was like she found me and she was like,

566
00:29:14,200 --> 00:29:16,080
Speaker 1: what are you doing? And I was like everyone else

567
00:29:16,120 --> 00:29:18,080
Speaker 1: does it. I don't like my hair like I want to,

568
00:29:18,080 --> 00:29:22,680
Speaker 1: like I want to be like normal. And after I

569
00:29:22,720 --> 00:29:27,480
Speaker 1: started shaving, my older sister started shaving. Um, and uh,

570
00:29:27,680 --> 00:29:30,480
Speaker 1: I mean it's like it kind of made gave me

571
00:29:30,520 --> 00:29:32,360
Speaker 1: a complex about my body hair and like I ended

572
00:29:32,440 --> 00:29:34,480
Speaker 1: up getting leather hair removal and like a large part

573
00:29:34,560 --> 00:29:37,200
Speaker 1: of my body when I was older, and um, now

574
00:29:37,200 --> 00:29:40,360
Speaker 1: there's like a whole feminist movement about accepting your body

575
00:29:40,400 --> 00:29:43,680
Speaker 1: here and I'm like, well you wait for that, like

576
00:29:44,160 --> 00:29:47,120
Speaker 1: I mean, like, I mean, I personally, I believe that like,

577
00:29:47,160 --> 00:29:49,200
Speaker 1: you're just as feminist if you choose to remove it,

578
00:29:49,240 --> 00:29:50,760
Speaker 1: if you or if you choose to keep it. It's

579
00:29:50,800 --> 00:29:53,800
Speaker 1: all about your choice. But I do think being Arab

580
00:29:53,800 --> 00:29:58,360
Speaker 1: American gave gives girls a complex about their hair, especially

581
00:29:58,480 --> 00:30:02,320
Speaker 1: if you're raised with pretty harald with people, and especially

582
00:30:02,320 --> 00:30:05,800
Speaker 1: your eyebrows. I think my dad has very bushy eyebrows,

583
00:30:05,920 --> 00:30:07,960
Speaker 1: and me and my sisters, I'll got his eyebrows for

584
00:30:07,960 --> 00:30:10,440
Speaker 1: whatever reason mine. Actually no, I think about my mom's

585
00:30:10,440 --> 00:30:13,120
Speaker 1: eyebrows because they're kind of finer, and I don't. And

586
00:30:13,160 --> 00:30:15,640
Speaker 1: I think, honestly, I think after shaving them, my eyebrows

587
00:30:15,640 --> 00:30:19,400
Speaker 1: were like as as punishment, we're not going to grow back. Um.

588
00:30:19,480 --> 00:30:24,840
Speaker 1: But but yeah, I think you know you're weird pretty early.

589
00:30:25,280 --> 00:30:28,120
Speaker 1: And I I lived with a unibrow for most of

590
00:30:28,160 --> 00:30:30,520
Speaker 1: my youth until one day I also took a razor

591
00:30:30,600 --> 00:30:33,560
Speaker 1: and shaved it off. And now I'm obsessive compulsive about

592
00:30:33,560 --> 00:30:36,840
Speaker 1: my eyebrows. Eyebrows, Yeah, because I you know what, my

593
00:30:36,880 --> 00:30:40,040
Speaker 1: whole life, I've been you know, called like one eyebrow girl,

594
00:30:40,080 --> 00:30:43,880
Speaker 1: like worm girl, for having like an eyebrow, one eyebrow

595
00:30:43,960 --> 00:30:46,840
Speaker 1: going all the way across and I was like, never again.

596
00:30:47,520 --> 00:30:50,600
Speaker 1: And now I keep my eyebrows meticulous. No, and his

597
00:30:50,680 --> 00:30:54,479
Speaker 1: eyebrows are so ideal. I got my eyebrows micro bladed

598
00:30:54,520 --> 00:30:57,480
Speaker 1: and I filled them in every morning and it's the

599
00:30:57,560 --> 00:30:59,920
Speaker 1: vein of my existence, just like I got I'm Harry

600
00:31:00,040 --> 00:31:03,280
Speaker 1: everywhere else but my freaking eyebrows. And it's just like

601
00:31:03,400 --> 00:31:06,640
Speaker 1: really like I can have hair on my elbow but

602
00:31:06,720 --> 00:31:09,800
Speaker 1: not on my eyebrows, like just well, if I don't

603
00:31:09,880 --> 00:31:12,640
Speaker 1: take care of them, they get crazy. Look great though.

604
00:31:12,720 --> 00:31:16,560
Speaker 1: Yeah the thickness, yeah, but that's that that is an upside.

605
00:31:16,560 --> 00:31:20,640
Speaker 1: Our hair is pretty thick usually, Um, we can handle

606
00:31:20,680 --> 00:31:25,400
Speaker 1: the sun. I don't know, um, but yeah, you I

607
00:31:25,400 --> 00:31:29,560
Speaker 1: think you know you're weird by really early. I think

608
00:31:29,880 --> 00:31:32,880
Speaker 1: when I was a toddler, we were in ballet and

609
00:31:32,960 --> 00:31:34,960
Speaker 1: my we were allowed to be in ballet until like

610
00:31:35,040 --> 00:31:38,760
Speaker 1: my dad deemed it inappropriate. But I remember really enjoying

611
00:31:38,800 --> 00:31:41,400
Speaker 1: it and feeling normal back then, and I have I

612
00:31:41,560 --> 00:31:43,920
Speaker 1: have a pretty good memory for someone that was like

613
00:31:44,640 --> 00:31:47,680
Speaker 1: young at that time, but I do have very distinct memories.

614
00:31:47,680 --> 00:31:49,720
Speaker 1: And I was like two or three in ballet class

615
00:31:50,320 --> 00:31:53,600
Speaker 1: and um, not feeling different. And I was also like

616
00:31:53,600 --> 00:31:56,400
Speaker 1: a toddler shirt. But I think when you get older

617
00:31:56,440 --> 00:31:58,040
Speaker 1: and then your parents are like, oh, you can't be

618
00:31:58,080 --> 00:32:01,040
Speaker 1: in ballet anymore because you don't. I don't want you

619
00:32:01,040 --> 00:32:02,640
Speaker 1: to wear tights. I don't want you to wear this.

620
00:32:03,240 --> 00:32:06,760
Speaker 1: And I remember I wanted to learn I was obsessed

621
00:32:06,760 --> 00:32:08,800
Speaker 1: with the cello. I'm still obsessed with the cello and

622
00:32:08,840 --> 00:32:12,280
Speaker 1: I wanted to learn it more than anything. And when

623
00:32:12,320 --> 00:32:14,440
Speaker 1: you're in fourth grade, I think you pick, like what

624
00:32:14,480 --> 00:32:17,440
Speaker 1: instrument you want to play in band. I wanted to

625
00:32:17,520 --> 00:32:20,200
Speaker 1: join the orchestra, and I wanted to be like play

626
00:32:20,240 --> 00:32:22,800
Speaker 1: the violin and then go to cello. And my mom

627
00:32:22,880 --> 00:32:24,960
Speaker 1: at the time was listening to this like kind of

628
00:32:25,000 --> 00:32:28,800
Speaker 1: fanatical religious woman and she has admitted that she was

629
00:32:28,840 --> 00:32:31,120
Speaker 1: like in the wrong. But my mom had been told

630
00:32:31,160 --> 00:32:34,280
Speaker 1: that string instruments were the instruments of the devil, and

631
00:32:34,320 --> 00:32:37,480
Speaker 1: so I wasn't allowed to learn string instruments and I

632
00:32:37,600 --> 00:32:41,160
Speaker 1: like resorted to learning clarinet because I was like, well,

633
00:32:42,120 --> 00:32:44,280
Speaker 1: and then I ended up playing bass clarinet when I

634
00:32:44,320 --> 00:32:45,680
Speaker 1: was in middle school because I was like, this is

635
00:32:45,720 --> 00:32:49,440
Speaker 1: the closest I'll get to the show. Um, but yeah,

636
00:32:49,560 --> 00:32:52,320
Speaker 1: it's just like having these and like not being allowed

637
00:32:52,360 --> 00:32:56,040
Speaker 1: to sleep over anywhere, not being allowed to to go

638
00:32:56,120 --> 00:32:58,960
Speaker 1: on like sleepover trips for school or anything like that,

639
00:32:59,600 --> 00:33:03,200
Speaker 1: you're feel like the outsider and that everyone knows you're

640
00:33:03,200 --> 00:33:06,480
Speaker 1: the outsider because we don't allowed to do everything we have. Oh,

641
00:33:06,560 --> 00:33:09,320
Speaker 1: the biggest thing I like to this is having weird lunches.

642
00:33:09,920 --> 00:33:12,040
Speaker 1: Like we would come to school and my mom like

643
00:33:12,120 --> 00:33:14,400
Speaker 1: for the most part, had like we we like like

644
00:33:14,520 --> 00:33:16,600
Speaker 1: peanut butter and jelly or whatever. My mom would be

645
00:33:16,640 --> 00:33:19,440
Speaker 1: really cute and like like sometimes she would put like

646
00:33:19,520 --> 00:33:21,760
Speaker 1: I don't know, like make them into weird shapes or

647
00:33:21,880 --> 00:33:24,160
Speaker 1: like or like write my name and Arabic on the

648
00:33:24,200 --> 00:33:27,240
Speaker 1: bag and so little things like that, or like we

649
00:33:27,280 --> 00:33:29,160
Speaker 1: would something my mom would always do. She would use

650
00:33:29,160 --> 00:33:32,360
Speaker 1: Peter bread for for our sandwiches, and so that was

651
00:33:32,400 --> 00:33:34,120
Speaker 1: already like a burrito. They're like, why do you have

652
00:33:34,120 --> 00:33:36,200
Speaker 1: a burrito? And like what kind of bread is that?

653
00:33:36,360 --> 00:33:38,760
Speaker 1: Just like I don't know, little things like that pile

654
00:33:39,160 --> 00:33:42,160
Speaker 1: smelly food does not sit well with the other young

655
00:33:42,320 --> 00:33:48,040
Speaker 1: kids in the cafeteria. Yeah, yeah, that's funny, because I

656
00:33:48,080 --> 00:33:52,120
Speaker 1: mean it's not, but it's funny because I read a

657
00:33:52,200 --> 00:33:55,080
Speaker 1: lot of people when I was researching this said that

658
00:33:55,520 --> 00:33:58,880
Speaker 1: the thing about the lunches, making them feel like they

659
00:33:58,880 --> 00:34:01,520
Speaker 1: were sticking out or kids were ticking on them based

660
00:34:01,560 --> 00:34:05,400
Speaker 1: on what they were eating for lunch. Yeah, I mean

661
00:34:05,440 --> 00:34:07,760
Speaker 1: I love the food. I know it's delicious. Now where

662
00:34:07,760 --> 00:34:09,080
Speaker 1: I'm like, why was I so ashamed that I should

663
00:34:09,080 --> 00:34:12,839
Speaker 1: have been like, you're jealous? My food is amazing. Yeah,

664
00:34:12,840 --> 00:34:14,880
Speaker 1: I would say, I don't remember being like ashamed. I

665
00:34:14,960 --> 00:34:18,200
Speaker 1: just remember like knowing like, oh, I'm definitely not like you,

666
00:34:19,120 --> 00:34:22,000
Speaker 1: Like my friends would be like, I remember my mom

667
00:34:22,040 --> 00:34:25,000
Speaker 1: would use this like ntella, um, like like an Arabic

668
00:34:25,120 --> 00:34:28,480
Speaker 1: version of antella called like rotella or something, and um.

669
00:34:28,600 --> 00:34:30,440
Speaker 1: She would use it on pea bread and I remember,

670
00:34:30,840 --> 00:34:33,839
Speaker 1: and I would like let my classmates have a taste,

671
00:34:33,960 --> 00:34:36,080
Speaker 1: or like, oh, it's really yummy. Or she would boil almonds,

672
00:34:36,080 --> 00:34:37,440
Speaker 1: which is something that a lot of Arabs, So you

673
00:34:37,440 --> 00:34:40,040
Speaker 1: boil almonds so you can take the skin off. And

674
00:34:40,080 --> 00:34:41,880
Speaker 1: I remember I got my friends like addicted to the

675
00:34:41,880 --> 00:34:44,600
Speaker 1: almonds that were like, can you can bring more almonds tomorrow?

676
00:34:44,640 --> 00:34:46,760
Speaker 1: And so little things like that were like kind of cute.

677
00:34:47,080 --> 00:34:51,000
Speaker 1: And yeah, my parents raised us really, in my opinion,

678
00:34:51,040 --> 00:34:55,000
Speaker 1: really well, and I didn't feel I mean, the issues

679
00:34:55,040 --> 00:34:58,680
Speaker 1: I had with myself. I think we're just a combination

680
00:34:58,719 --> 00:35:01,080
Speaker 1: of things. But I don't, like, I don't want to

681
00:35:01,120 --> 00:35:03,680
Speaker 1: blame them for anything, because they are just the best

682
00:35:03,960 --> 00:35:06,960
Speaker 1: and they did their best. They just like just decided

683
00:35:07,000 --> 00:35:13,759
Speaker 1: to leave some stuff out. Sure, I mean, and that's

684
00:35:13,760 --> 00:35:18,359
Speaker 1: why we're on stuff. Mom never told you that's right,

685
00:35:18,400 --> 00:35:23,239
Speaker 1: that's right. I'm just kind of curious if when your

686
00:35:23,320 --> 00:35:27,400
Speaker 1: parents started saying I don't want you to wear X

687
00:35:27,520 --> 00:35:32,319
Speaker 1: y Z, was there ever in an explanation, and if so,

688
00:35:32,440 --> 00:35:34,440
Speaker 1: what was that or wasn't just I don't want you

689
00:35:34,520 --> 00:35:39,279
Speaker 1: to wear this. I don't think I have they're ever

690
00:35:39,280 --> 00:35:42,000
Speaker 1: really Mine was just just like my dad was like

691
00:35:42,080 --> 00:35:44,360
Speaker 1: because I said so, and there was no explanation, and

692
00:35:44,400 --> 00:35:46,640
Speaker 1: my mom would be like, it's because you know, like

693
00:35:46,960 --> 00:35:49,080
Speaker 1: young girls aren't supposed to dress this way. They need

694
00:35:49,120 --> 00:35:51,200
Speaker 1: to be conservative, and that was just like about that

695
00:35:51,280 --> 00:35:53,239
Speaker 1: was it, like it's just like you just need to

696
00:35:53,320 --> 00:35:55,879
Speaker 1: be a classy woman and not some like I don't

697
00:35:55,880 --> 00:35:58,920
Speaker 1: know just I mean, they would assume if you start, okay,

698
00:35:58,920 --> 00:36:00,960
Speaker 1: so this is the thing, if you start dressing like

699
00:36:01,000 --> 00:36:04,000
Speaker 1: showing too my skin, basically you will meet a man

700
00:36:04,080 --> 00:36:06,560
Speaker 1: who will get you addicted to drugs. And then you

701
00:36:06,600 --> 00:36:09,040
Speaker 1: will dine a crackhouse like that is. That is literally

702
00:36:09,360 --> 00:36:11,800
Speaker 1: like you wear one mini skirt and all of a sudden,

703
00:36:11,800 --> 00:36:15,800
Speaker 1: that is a gateway drug to heroin. Heroin but powerful.

704
00:36:17,120 --> 00:36:19,520
Speaker 1: But that is literally how they think. Like immigrant parents

705
00:36:19,520 --> 00:36:21,760
Speaker 1: are so scared, like they're like, oh no, I can't

706
00:36:21,880 --> 00:36:23,520
Speaker 1: who knows what's going to happen, you know, like you

707
00:36:23,520 --> 00:36:25,680
Speaker 1: can just get caught up in anything, and you're like, no,

708
00:36:25,960 --> 00:36:32,080
Speaker 1: I just will you know? Feel good? Um? Yeah, I

709
00:36:32,080 --> 00:36:34,239
Speaker 1: I think I don't know. I must have been an

710
00:36:34,239 --> 00:36:38,160
Speaker 1: element maybe like going into middle school. I remember we

711
00:36:38,160 --> 00:36:40,520
Speaker 1: were always not allowed to wear certain things, so I

712
00:36:40,560 --> 00:36:42,520
Speaker 1: think or like I was in like my fifth grade

713
00:36:42,560 --> 00:36:45,680
Speaker 1: talent show dancing like a Battery Boy song, and I

714
00:36:45,719 --> 00:36:48,839
Speaker 1: remember our outfit were shorts and my mom and dad

715
00:36:48,880 --> 00:36:51,080
Speaker 1: refused to let me wear them, and like in My

716
00:36:51,200 --> 00:36:54,480
Speaker 1: Defiant Self, I went on stage with short shorts soil

717
00:36:54,560 --> 00:36:57,560
Speaker 1: without them knowing, and my legs were hairy. It was

718
00:36:57,600 --> 00:37:00,120
Speaker 1: like whatever, and I was like I don't care. And

719
00:37:00,160 --> 00:37:02,160
Speaker 1: I danced and everyone looked at me and I was

720
00:37:02,200 --> 00:37:05,960
Speaker 1: like you and then um here I am. But yeah,

721
00:37:06,040 --> 00:37:08,520
Speaker 1: I think I got used to wearing a lot of

722
00:37:08,600 --> 00:37:11,239
Speaker 1: three quarter link shirts. I got used to wearing a

723
00:37:11,320 --> 00:37:13,719
Speaker 1: lot of like baggy like khaki pants or like like

724
00:37:13,760 --> 00:37:16,200
Speaker 1: those like the khakie material or whatever. And my dad

725
00:37:16,200 --> 00:37:19,000
Speaker 1: owned a retail store, but eventually and so we would

726
00:37:19,000 --> 00:37:20,680
Speaker 1: get a lot of my clothes from him. A lot

727
00:37:20,680 --> 00:37:23,520
Speaker 1: of Dicky's work where a lot of a lot of

728
00:37:23,600 --> 00:37:26,120
Speaker 1: like Vans and Converse shoes, and so I felt pretty

729
00:37:26,160 --> 00:37:27,719
Speaker 1: cool that I had access to that, but it was

730
00:37:27,800 --> 00:37:33,799
Speaker 1: also like a limited, a limited option arrange. And I

731
00:37:33,840 --> 00:37:35,920
Speaker 1: went to college and I realized, like, oh, I love

732
00:37:36,000 --> 00:37:39,400
Speaker 1: wearing shorts. I like the sun being on my legs,

733
00:37:39,440 --> 00:37:41,800
Speaker 1: and I um, in high school, I would like change

734
00:37:41,840 --> 00:37:44,280
Speaker 1: clothes in my car, but it was still so taboo,

735
00:37:44,320 --> 00:37:46,120
Speaker 1: and I was trying to get used to seeing my

736
00:37:46,160 --> 00:37:49,000
Speaker 1: body that way because I got in trouble a lot

737
00:37:49,000 --> 00:37:51,000
Speaker 1: when my parents would see photos of me in high

738
00:37:51,000 --> 00:37:53,799
Speaker 1: school wearing shorts, They're like, where do you even get these?

739
00:37:53,880 --> 00:37:55,680
Speaker 1: Because I would go to their shopping all the time.

740
00:37:55,719 --> 00:37:57,600
Speaker 1: I would um, Like when I learned to drive, I

741
00:37:57,640 --> 00:38:03,440
Speaker 1: would like drive around just anywhere, and um, yeah, I

742
00:38:03,480 --> 00:38:06,960
Speaker 1: think I really despise being told what not to do.

743
00:38:07,440 --> 00:38:13,240
Speaker 1: And I think, uh, it really influenced me and my character. Yeah, yeah,

744
00:38:13,760 --> 00:38:19,720
Speaker 1: I will answer your question. I think yes it did. Yes. Um,

745
00:38:19,719 --> 00:38:22,000
Speaker 1: this seems like a good place to pause for a second,

746
00:38:22,080 --> 00:38:24,080
Speaker 1: for one more quick break for word from our sponsor.

747
00:38:28,760 --> 00:38:36,400
Speaker 1: M hm, and we're back, Thank you sponsor. So let's

748
00:38:36,520 --> 00:38:39,560
Speaker 1: let's get back into it. Did you ever feel this

749
00:38:39,800 --> 00:38:46,640
Speaker 1: pressure to represent to be a good representation of being Muslim? Um, Like,

750
00:38:46,760 --> 00:38:52,320
Speaker 1: did you feel that? Definitely? Yeah, being a good Muslim,

751
00:38:52,360 --> 00:38:54,719
Speaker 1: being a good Arab American, being a good representation of

752
00:38:54,760 --> 00:38:58,480
Speaker 1: the Middle East, especially after nine eleven. My dad was like,

753
00:38:59,520 --> 00:39:01,960
Speaker 1: I mean, my it was just I think that eleven

754
00:39:02,080 --> 00:39:05,719
Speaker 1: was a huge changing like a turning point for a

755
00:39:05,719 --> 00:39:11,520
Speaker 1: lot of immigrants that were ostracized, and um, we had

756
00:39:11,520 --> 00:39:15,719
Speaker 1: to be the model versions of ourselves or else, I

757
00:39:15,760 --> 00:39:17,640
Speaker 1: don't know, Like we didn't want to prove them right.

758
00:39:17,800 --> 00:39:19,440
Speaker 1: And that's why every time we went to the airport,

759
00:39:19,480 --> 00:39:24,239
Speaker 1: we would get questioned constantly with these like quote random screenings,

760
00:39:24,719 --> 00:39:27,040
Speaker 1: and my parents were always so calm, and I was

761
00:39:27,120 --> 00:39:29,600
Speaker 1: so livid every time. And because my parents did not

762
00:39:29,640 --> 00:39:31,840
Speaker 1: want to cause any trouble, like they were they accepted

763
00:39:32,239 --> 00:39:35,440
Speaker 1: this the this state they were in or whatever. And

764
00:39:35,840 --> 00:39:39,880
Speaker 1: our bags would come back to us completely like ripped,

765
00:39:40,080 --> 00:39:42,960
Speaker 1: and and just like mutilated because they thought that we

766
00:39:42,960 --> 00:39:45,120
Speaker 1: were hiding something and I have no idea, and so

767
00:39:45,160 --> 00:39:47,200
Speaker 1: I would be so mad all the time. My parents

768
00:39:47,239 --> 00:39:51,080
Speaker 1: just had to brush it off because they liked, they

769
00:39:51,120 --> 00:39:53,440
Speaker 1: love being here, and they're proud to be American more

770
00:39:53,440 --> 00:39:57,439
Speaker 1: than I've ever seen anyone else be proud. Yeah. Yeah,

771
00:39:57,480 --> 00:39:59,520
Speaker 1: I feel like our parents are prouder than anyone because

772
00:39:59,600 --> 00:40:02,000
Speaker 1: they came here, worked so hard to go to school

773
00:40:02,000 --> 00:40:04,480
Speaker 1: and learn English and like make a career and like

774
00:40:04,880 --> 00:40:07,600
Speaker 1: make money and get health insurance, which is so important

775
00:40:07,600 --> 00:40:09,640
Speaker 1: to them, and then like have kids who like go

776
00:40:09,719 --> 00:40:11,760
Speaker 1: to college and they can afford to pay for college,

777
00:40:11,760 --> 00:40:14,600
Speaker 1: and it's like that's so much work to come from

778
00:40:14,640 --> 00:40:16,960
Speaker 1: a country where you don't even like speak the language

779
00:40:17,000 --> 00:40:20,920
Speaker 1: and build your whole life up like there. They wouldn't

780
00:40:20,960 --> 00:40:23,919
Speaker 1: do anything to jeopardize that because they have it all.

781
00:40:24,800 --> 00:40:29,000
Speaker 1: Like they're they're so strong, and like this goes for

782
00:40:29,080 --> 00:40:33,560
Speaker 1: like immigrant parents in general. They're so strong, they're so fearless,

783
00:40:33,560 --> 00:40:36,200
Speaker 1: and they're like because like it's terrifying to speak a

784
00:40:36,280 --> 00:40:38,799
Speaker 1: language that doesn't come naturally to you, like it's not

785
00:40:38,840 --> 00:40:41,240
Speaker 1: your first language, maybe it's not even your second language,

786
00:40:41,440 --> 00:40:43,759
Speaker 1: and you're and they're still putting themselves in this situation.

787
00:40:43,800 --> 00:40:47,960
Speaker 1: And that's why I think my my parents are just

788
00:40:49,400 --> 00:40:52,160
Speaker 1: truly the most remarkable people in my life. Like I

789
00:40:52,160 --> 00:40:53,879
Speaker 1: don't know how they did it. It's crazy. Like my

790
00:40:54,000 --> 00:40:56,360
Speaker 1: dad has come so far. He's literally out here commenting

791
00:40:56,400 --> 00:40:59,040
Speaker 1: on all my Instagram hosts. The comments are the best,

792
00:40:59,080 --> 00:41:01,120
Speaker 1: they're all like broken English. But he's still out here

793
00:41:01,320 --> 00:41:03,880
Speaker 1: saying that he likes our style. My parents love you

794
00:41:03,920 --> 00:41:07,480
Speaker 1: think emojis. Like it's crazy, Like I've come a long way,

795
00:41:08,000 --> 00:41:12,040
Speaker 1: it's crazy, and and I I appreciate them for raising

796
00:41:12,080 --> 00:41:13,719
Speaker 1: me the way they did. I think I wouldn't have

797
00:41:13,719 --> 00:41:16,120
Speaker 1: had it any other way. Like even though I had struggle,

798
00:41:16,160 --> 00:41:17,919
Speaker 1: I had a lot of struggles, and I'm sure Anna

799
00:41:18,000 --> 00:41:20,520
Speaker 1: did too. I think it made us stronger, you know.

800
00:41:21,080 --> 00:41:22,960
Speaker 1: I think it made us more independent and more rely

801
00:41:23,160 --> 00:41:26,960
Speaker 1: on ourselves. And um, I'm very open with my mom now.

802
00:41:27,000 --> 00:41:29,200
Speaker 1: I have a very amazing relationship and I wouldn't take

803
00:41:29,280 --> 00:41:33,439
Speaker 1: that back for anything. And uh yeah, I think where

804
00:41:33,440 --> 00:41:35,160
Speaker 1: I needed to be a little bit older for her

805
00:41:35,200 --> 00:41:37,480
Speaker 1: to be more open with me, which is okay. Like

806
00:41:37,560 --> 00:41:40,799
Speaker 1: I think she likes having it, Like she she's a

807
00:41:40,800 --> 00:41:43,040
Speaker 1: really amazing mother and she loves having kids, but I

808
00:41:43,040 --> 00:41:48,640
Speaker 1: think she also likes having a buddy. Yeah, you know, yeah,

809
00:41:48,800 --> 00:41:51,800
Speaker 1: were there any rules that around. I'm going to assume

810
00:41:51,800 --> 00:41:56,120
Speaker 1: the answers she has. Dating there was no such thing.

811
00:41:56,200 --> 00:41:59,839
Speaker 1: There was no such thing as dating. There's nothing like

812
00:42:00,000 --> 00:42:03,160
Speaker 1: that today. I was told at eighteen I could have

813
00:42:03,200 --> 00:42:06,560
Speaker 1: a boyfriend. Maybe I was, I can have a boyfriend

814
00:42:07,120 --> 00:42:09,560
Speaker 1: unless unless he's proposing to me the next day. I

815
00:42:09,600 --> 00:42:14,200
Speaker 1: can't date. It's not common for your You would have

816
00:42:14,239 --> 00:42:17,160
Speaker 1: to have a very very liberal Middle Easter parent for

817
00:42:17,160 --> 00:42:18,920
Speaker 1: them to be like, sure, more, I have a boyfriend,

818
00:42:19,000 --> 00:42:25,040
Speaker 1: but his name Josh Gray Mark Ryan. Yeah. Like I

819
00:42:25,120 --> 00:42:27,239
Speaker 1: have a boyfriend now and my parents love them and

820
00:42:27,320 --> 00:42:29,880
Speaker 1: it's fine. But like you know, I never brought like

821
00:42:29,920 --> 00:42:31,759
Speaker 1: if I was like talking to guys, I would never

822
00:42:33,080 --> 00:42:35,479
Speaker 1: I wouldn't even bring up anything about them. I would

823
00:42:35,520 --> 00:42:37,279
Speaker 1: never would I would make them girls when I was

824
00:42:37,320 --> 00:42:40,640
Speaker 1: talking to my parents and also with me, I I

825
00:42:40,640 --> 00:42:42,320
Speaker 1: am queer, and I would trying to I'm attracted to

826
00:42:42,320 --> 00:42:45,720
Speaker 1: both men and women, and I um, that was something

827
00:42:45,760 --> 00:42:49,160
Speaker 1: that completely just kept to myself. Even now, I I

828
00:42:49,200 --> 00:42:51,640
Speaker 1: feel like you get used to living a double life.

829
00:42:52,120 --> 00:42:54,160
Speaker 1: You have yourself the way you are, and you have

830
00:42:54,200 --> 00:42:57,600
Speaker 1: yourself and friend of your family, and dating was not

831
00:42:57,640 --> 00:43:02,120
Speaker 1: an option. Uh. And in my my reaction to that

832
00:43:02,200 --> 00:43:08,040
Speaker 1: was to despise uh marriage, despise monogamy, and despise like, uh,

833
00:43:08,120 --> 00:43:13,160
Speaker 1: this institutionalized need to get married. So so I still

834
00:43:13,160 --> 00:43:14,680
Speaker 1: feel that way. I don't want to have a family.

835
00:43:14,680 --> 00:43:17,680
Speaker 1: I don't want to have a husband, and that's not

836
00:43:17,719 --> 00:43:21,560
Speaker 1: their fault. I just have rebelled in that way as well.

837
00:43:21,600 --> 00:43:24,040
Speaker 1: And that's something my parents I think have to accept eventually.

838
00:43:24,560 --> 00:43:27,200
Speaker 1: But um, yeah, no dating was allowed, not even like

839
00:43:27,520 --> 00:43:30,200
Speaker 1: like we we had like like six pm like who

840
00:43:30,200 --> 00:43:31,640
Speaker 1: we have to be home over night for dinner, Like

841
00:43:31,680 --> 00:43:36,560
Speaker 1: we got dark out exactly Like there was no like

842
00:43:36,600 --> 00:43:39,920
Speaker 1: a late curfew like like it was just and there

843
00:43:39,960 --> 00:43:42,400
Speaker 1: was no grounding either. We were just like not we

844
00:43:42,400 --> 00:43:48,480
Speaker 1: were already grounded. Um. But yeah, like I had a

845
00:43:48,480 --> 00:43:51,960
Speaker 1: lot of guy friends growing up. But I think my parents,

846
00:43:53,719 --> 00:43:58,120
Speaker 1: I think they just assumed I we were at arms length.

847
00:43:58,440 --> 00:44:01,839
Speaker 1: And I truly was ntil college, Like I was very

848
00:44:01,880 --> 00:44:05,040
Speaker 1: like anti touch until college and I started to like

849
00:44:05,440 --> 00:44:08,439
Speaker 1: explore more because I was like touching that so bad.

850
00:44:09,320 --> 00:44:14,960
Speaker 1: And then um, but yeah, dating was not allowed even now. Um,

851
00:44:15,480 --> 00:44:20,399
Speaker 1: it's just not I think my my parents would love

852
00:44:20,480 --> 00:44:24,360
Speaker 1: if we all married great Muslim men. And like my

853
00:44:24,400 --> 00:44:27,560
Speaker 1: older sister got engaged recently, he converted for her just

854
00:44:27,680 --> 00:44:29,920
Speaker 1: on paper. I think it's very just like for my

855
00:44:30,000 --> 00:44:33,280
Speaker 1: dad's peace of mind and um, and now he's so happy,

856
00:44:33,560 --> 00:44:35,799
Speaker 1: he's the happiest I've ever seen him. Like, not only

857
00:44:35,880 --> 00:44:38,680
Speaker 1: she doctor, she's engaged one. So I cannot top that.

858
00:44:39,360 --> 00:44:47,760
Speaker 1: So I'm not going to try. Yeah, yeah, that's probably wise. Um.

859
00:44:47,800 --> 00:44:51,200
Speaker 1: So something that probably will come as a surprise too.

860
00:44:52,120 --> 00:44:53,920
Speaker 1: It probably won't come as a surprise to you, and

861
00:44:53,920 --> 00:44:56,360
Speaker 1: it probably won't come to a surprise to anyone. But

862
00:44:56,400 --> 00:45:00,400
Speaker 1: representation of Middle Eastern women, rum our, Middle easterners general

863
00:45:00,440 --> 00:45:05,640
Speaker 1: and the media is pretty terrible. Um yeah, yeah, yeah.

864
00:45:06,680 --> 00:45:12,719
Speaker 1: Is that something that um as a child, did you

865
00:45:14,520 --> 00:45:18,160
Speaker 1: notice that or internalize that or I mean I know

866
00:45:18,280 --> 00:45:22,880
Speaker 1: now looking back that it's you must be able to say, like,

867
00:45:22,880 --> 00:45:27,320
Speaker 1: oh my god, I only saw this and this, But um,

868
00:45:27,440 --> 00:45:31,200
Speaker 1: as a child not seeing yourself or only seeing negative

869
00:45:31,320 --> 00:45:34,840
Speaker 1: portrayals almost exclusively, was that was that the case for

870
00:45:34,920 --> 00:45:38,560
Speaker 1: both of you? Yeah? I mean only person I knew

871
00:45:38,600 --> 00:45:41,759
Speaker 1: of growing up was Christian I'm on poor she was

872
00:45:41,800 --> 00:45:44,440
Speaker 1: the only woman. She was a journalist I looked up to.

873
00:45:44,600 --> 00:45:46,680
Speaker 1: I always made my dad put the news on when

874
00:45:46,719 --> 00:45:48,719
Speaker 1: she was on, and that was all I had. I

875
00:45:48,760 --> 00:45:52,000
Speaker 1: was like, she's a journalist. Wow, Like maybe one day

876
00:45:52,000 --> 00:45:54,560
Speaker 1: I'll do that. It's just something. Look at her, She's

877
00:45:54,600 --> 00:45:56,840
Speaker 1: on TV. She's doing it, and that was it. Like

878
00:45:56,880 --> 00:45:59,000
Speaker 1: I had no sense of anyone else. Like to me,

879
00:45:59,080 --> 00:46:02,120
Speaker 1: I was like, and you know, when we can only

880
00:46:02,160 --> 00:46:04,759
Speaker 1: be doctors, lawyers, engineers, because that's what your parents tell

881
00:46:04,800 --> 00:46:07,400
Speaker 1: you literally from the womb, is like point at the

882
00:46:07,400 --> 00:46:09,600
Speaker 1: doctor who delivered you and be like that's your future

883
00:46:09,680 --> 00:46:13,360
Speaker 1: and that's that. And you're like okay, But like I

884
00:46:13,440 --> 00:46:17,320
Speaker 1: seeing her have this kind of you know, well, I mean, Christian,

885
00:46:17,360 --> 00:46:19,480
Speaker 1: I'm on poor Is. She's not nobody. She actually is

886
00:46:19,480 --> 00:46:23,160
Speaker 1: a very respected journalist. But like to get to that

887
00:46:23,200 --> 00:46:25,360
Speaker 1: point where I could be, like I could be a

888
00:46:25,440 --> 00:46:28,480
Speaker 1: writer or you know, I mean podcasting. At the time,

889
00:46:28,520 --> 00:46:30,160
Speaker 1: I had no sense of it, but like it didn't exist.

890
00:46:30,200 --> 00:46:34,120
Speaker 1: But to be someone who could report on things in

891
00:46:34,160 --> 00:46:37,520
Speaker 1: the news, and and that was really crazy to me.

892
00:46:37,960 --> 00:46:39,400
Speaker 1: And I was like, well, that's kind of what I

893
00:46:39,440 --> 00:46:40,799
Speaker 1: want to do. I know, I want to get into

894
00:46:40,920 --> 00:46:43,080
Speaker 1: some sort of like news. At the time, I didn't

895
00:46:43,080 --> 00:46:45,719
Speaker 1: know what I knew I wanted to write. I had

896
00:46:45,760 --> 00:46:47,960
Speaker 1: this idea like I would be a journalist or something

897
00:46:48,000 --> 00:46:50,520
Speaker 1: like that. And I never said that out loud to

898
00:46:50,560 --> 00:46:52,799
Speaker 1: my parents because it would kill them and they would

899
00:46:52,800 --> 00:46:56,160
Speaker 1: be mean about it. But that's what I had and

900
00:46:56,200 --> 00:46:59,120
Speaker 1: there was no I think that was it. Like I

901
00:46:59,200 --> 00:47:01,600
Speaker 1: had no sense of anyone else. Yeah, that was the

902
00:47:01,640 --> 00:47:03,760
Speaker 1: only profession I thought I could go to. That wasn't

903
00:47:03,800 --> 00:47:08,239
Speaker 1: one of the ones my parents wanted. Yeah, I I

904
00:47:08,280 --> 00:47:12,480
Speaker 1: never saw myself at all, and that really made me

905
00:47:12,520 --> 00:47:15,600
Speaker 1: feel like nothing was possible. Like I very early on,

906
00:47:15,680 --> 00:47:18,000
Speaker 1: I knew I loved making people laugh, and I think

907
00:47:18,040 --> 00:47:20,120
Speaker 1: deep down I wanted to be a comedian. I never

908
00:47:20,160 --> 00:47:22,680
Speaker 1: told a soul. I never told anyone that I wanted

909
00:47:22,680 --> 00:47:25,840
Speaker 1: to be a comedian. Um. And then I studied a

910
00:47:25,880 --> 00:47:27,600
Speaker 1: lot of photography and I took a lot of like

911
00:47:27,600 --> 00:47:32,719
Speaker 1: photo and art history class in high school, and I realized, like,

912
00:47:33,200 --> 00:47:35,120
Speaker 1: maybe I can make a living out of this, and

913
00:47:35,160 --> 00:47:38,640
Speaker 1: so then I wanted to study art. But my parents,

914
00:47:38,680 --> 00:47:40,640
Speaker 1: I mean they were very supportive at the time. They

915
00:47:40,760 --> 00:47:42,520
Speaker 1: very supportive now, but at the time we had our

916
00:47:42,560 --> 00:47:47,320
Speaker 1: troubles and um uh, yeah, I just never saw anyone

917
00:47:47,360 --> 00:47:49,680
Speaker 1: that looked like me doing anything that I wanted to do.

918
00:47:49,760 --> 00:47:51,360
Speaker 1: I never saw any comedians that looked like me, and

919
00:47:51,400 --> 00:47:54,280
Speaker 1: never saw any artists that looked like me, any filmmakers,

920
00:47:54,280 --> 00:47:57,719
Speaker 1: any directors, any writers. Like I'm a filmmaker now and

921
00:47:57,760 --> 00:48:00,279
Speaker 1: I write and direct my own stuff. But if I

922
00:48:00,320 --> 00:48:02,080
Speaker 1: had seen someone doing that when I was younger, I

923
00:48:02,080 --> 00:48:04,160
Speaker 1: would have done it a lot earlier. I would have

924
00:48:04,239 --> 00:48:06,440
Speaker 1: known it was possible a lot earlier and known that

925
00:48:06,520 --> 00:48:08,560
Speaker 1: like that was an option for me. I think that's

926
00:48:08,600 --> 00:48:11,400
Speaker 1: why I'm sometimes envious of those that are raised in

927
00:48:11,480 --> 00:48:14,520
Speaker 1: the entertainment industry, because they're raised already knowing it's a

928
00:48:14,560 --> 00:48:20,960
Speaker 1: possible career choice. Um, and yeah, I always wrote a

929
00:48:21,000 --> 00:48:23,279
Speaker 1: lot of poetry. I was a big writer, a big

930
00:48:23,320 --> 00:48:25,320
Speaker 1: reader growing up, and so I knew I loved the

931
00:48:25,800 --> 00:48:29,120
Speaker 1: arts and I loved writing. I love creating things. But

932
00:48:29,680 --> 00:48:31,879
Speaker 1: I never saw anyone doing it, and I didn't stop

933
00:48:31,920 --> 00:48:33,759
Speaker 1: me from doing it on my own, but I did

934
00:48:33,800 --> 00:48:35,640
Speaker 1: stop me from thinking it was something I could live

935
00:48:35,680 --> 00:48:39,000
Speaker 1: off of. And that's kind of unfortunate because for like

936
00:48:39,080 --> 00:48:40,680
Speaker 1: most of high school, even though I was an art

937
00:48:40,680 --> 00:48:42,800
Speaker 1: and everything, I could convinced myself that I wanted to

938
00:48:42,800 --> 00:48:45,360
Speaker 1: be a psychiatrist. I had convinced myself wanting to be

939
00:48:45,400 --> 00:48:47,719
Speaker 1: like a neurologist or something because I love my like

940
00:48:47,800 --> 00:48:49,880
Speaker 1: the idea of the brain. I was very like depressed,

941
00:48:49,880 --> 00:48:52,200
Speaker 1: and so the idea of mental illness was something that

942
00:48:52,239 --> 00:48:54,799
Speaker 1: was very fascinating to me. And I convinced myself that

943
00:48:54,840 --> 00:48:57,000
Speaker 1: that like, I can do my own stockle on the side,

944
00:48:57,080 --> 00:48:59,480
Speaker 1: but for money, I have to do this. Um that

945
00:48:59,600 --> 00:49:01,719
Speaker 1: I fail ape chemistry, and so I was like maybe

946
00:49:01,760 --> 00:49:07,040
Speaker 1: not um so UM, yeah, I think that's a huge

947
00:49:07,080 --> 00:49:08,960
Speaker 1: reason why we started the podcast is to be more

948
00:49:09,080 --> 00:49:11,799
Speaker 1: visible to the younger versions of ourselves. Like all my

949
00:49:11,880 --> 00:49:14,960
Speaker 1: work really revolves around the younger version of me, like

950
00:49:15,000 --> 00:49:18,560
Speaker 1: making sure she would be looking at me being like, yeah,

951
00:49:18,719 --> 00:49:21,759
Speaker 1: I can't do this, whether it's poetry or filmmaking or

952
00:49:21,760 --> 00:49:26,440
Speaker 1: photography or podcasting or anything. I think allowing ourselves this

953
00:49:26,480 --> 00:49:30,000
Speaker 1: platform has really been empowering for the both of us

954
00:49:30,520 --> 00:49:34,160
Speaker 1: and um because our voices are important, even if they

955
00:49:34,200 --> 00:49:38,360
Speaker 1: weren't that accessible back then. And I remember Sarah Silverman

956
00:49:38,360 --> 00:49:40,279
Speaker 1: being the only person I thought kind of looked like

957
00:49:40,320 --> 00:49:42,160
Speaker 1: me because she had like dark hair and talked about

958
00:49:42,160 --> 00:49:44,880
Speaker 1: depression a lot, and I appreciate her for that. She

959
00:49:44,960 --> 00:49:48,200
Speaker 1: like talked about not wanting kids and um talked about

960
00:49:48,200 --> 00:49:50,440
Speaker 1: like just I don't know like things that related to

961
00:49:50,640 --> 00:49:54,399
Speaker 1: but she was a white Jewish woman, like I had

962
00:49:54,480 --> 00:49:58,720
Speaker 1: to draw from very small images of myself that weren't

963
00:49:58,719 --> 00:50:02,000
Speaker 1: even me. But yeah, uh I think, um that was

964
00:50:02,239 --> 00:50:04,040
Speaker 1: That's a huge reason why I want to stay in

965
00:50:04,040 --> 00:50:06,080
Speaker 1: the industry and keep working in the industry is because

966
00:50:06,120 --> 00:50:10,279
Speaker 1: I need to represent myself because no one else will. Yeah,

967
00:50:10,360 --> 00:50:13,240
Speaker 1: we've talked about on this show before so many times.

968
00:50:13,440 --> 00:50:19,440
Speaker 1: The importance of seeing yourself represented and what you're describing

969
00:50:19,560 --> 00:50:23,280
Speaker 1: sounds kind of cyclical, right, because if you never see yourself,

970
00:50:23,520 --> 00:50:26,080
Speaker 1: then maybe you think that isn't an option available for you.

971
00:50:26,600 --> 00:50:29,960
Speaker 1: And so then with it continues like we're only hearing

972
00:50:30,440 --> 00:50:33,200
Speaker 1: from the same types of people on the same types

973
00:50:33,239 --> 00:50:38,520
Speaker 1: of stories. Um, so I am glad that's changing. Have

974
00:50:38,680 --> 00:50:42,359
Speaker 1: you do you feel like, are there things that you've

975
00:50:42,400 --> 00:50:47,480
Speaker 1: seen that are positive of signs of change other than

976
00:50:47,520 --> 00:50:52,439
Speaker 1: both of you out there making consents? Of course? Oh yeah,

977
00:50:52,440 --> 00:50:54,759
Speaker 1: I think social media helps a lot. I think it

978
00:50:54,840 --> 00:50:59,080
Speaker 1: helps open the door for people like like on Twitter, Um,

979
00:50:59,120 --> 00:51:02,279
Speaker 1: like different magazines are out here, like Muslim Girl mag

980
00:51:02,400 --> 00:51:05,040
Speaker 1: like there's all these different groups that you can like

981
00:51:05,120 --> 00:51:07,279
Speaker 1: turn to and you can see what their feeds and

982
00:51:07,320 --> 00:51:11,520
Speaker 1: they're putting out positive, you know, um information about like

983
00:51:11,600 --> 00:51:14,600
Speaker 1: who you are and what, like how to deal with things,

984
00:51:14,640 --> 00:51:17,560
Speaker 1: and I I, you know, like you I mean, I

985
00:51:17,600 --> 00:51:19,600
Speaker 1: hate to say Facebook because Facebook is the worst, but

986
00:51:19,680 --> 00:51:21,799
Speaker 1: like groups on you know, those kind of social media

987
00:51:21,960 --> 00:51:24,440
Speaker 1: or even like Instagram, you can like follow hashtags of

988
00:51:24,560 --> 00:51:27,040
Speaker 1: you know, like women who like like I do, with eyebrows,

989
00:51:27,080 --> 00:51:29,960
Speaker 1: and it's all these like beautiful like women of color

990
00:51:30,040 --> 00:51:32,040
Speaker 1: with their eyebrows, and I'm like, wow, what a world.

991
00:51:32,120 --> 00:51:35,600
Speaker 1: You know, I'm obsessed with eyebrows. But you know, and

992
00:51:35,600 --> 00:51:38,920
Speaker 1: and that I think really helps broaden our horizon, especially

993
00:51:38,920 --> 00:51:41,000
Speaker 1: now that we all have phones and you know, of

994
00:51:41,040 --> 00:51:42,799
Speaker 1: course there's a dark side to all of it, but

995
00:51:43,760 --> 00:51:46,799
Speaker 1: I think having the access to explore, especially even like

996
00:51:46,840 --> 00:51:49,919
Speaker 1: getting podcasts and like hearing our show, it's just it's

997
00:51:49,960 --> 00:51:53,160
Speaker 1: important for the representation because now it's just so much

998
00:51:53,160 --> 00:51:57,600
Speaker 1: more widespread and you can access it anywhere, especially because

999
00:51:57,600 --> 00:52:01,000
Speaker 1: of the majority of podcasts and podcasts sinners are white men,

1000
00:52:01,280 --> 00:52:03,040
Speaker 1: Like they're hosted by white men or their listeners are

1001
00:52:03,040 --> 00:52:07,040
Speaker 1: white men. So we're already like trying to break that

1002
00:52:07,040 --> 00:52:10,360
Speaker 1: that barrier. I think as much as I appreciate, and

1003
00:52:10,440 --> 00:52:13,000
Speaker 1: I really do appreciate, all those magazines that are catered

1004
00:52:13,080 --> 00:52:17,080
Speaker 1: towards those niches, whether it's clear identity, whether it's a

1005
00:52:17,160 --> 00:52:22,360
Speaker 1: religion or being, um, a marginalized person, I think unless

1006
00:52:22,400 --> 00:52:25,080
Speaker 1: you seek out those things, you won't know they're there.

1007
00:52:25,360 --> 00:52:27,280
Speaker 1: And I think it's going to take a long time

1008
00:52:27,360 --> 00:52:30,120
Speaker 1: for them to be mainstream, to beat to to have

1009
00:52:30,239 --> 00:52:33,520
Speaker 1: a person of color on the cover of a magazine

1010
00:52:33,520 --> 00:52:35,640
Speaker 1: without it being a big deal, or you know what

1011
00:52:35,680 --> 00:52:39,080
Speaker 1: I mean, it shouldn't. I want those magazines that are

1012
00:52:39,800 --> 00:52:42,600
Speaker 1: specific to those people and in two different people to

1013
00:52:42,760 --> 00:52:45,120
Speaker 1: be mainstream too, you know what I mean. Like that's

1014
00:52:45,160 --> 00:52:47,920
Speaker 1: the that's what bothers me. It's just like like me

1015
00:52:47,960 --> 00:52:52,040
Speaker 1: and Anna were on a podcast panel in Philadelphia this

1016
00:52:52,080 --> 00:52:56,839
Speaker 1: past summer and it was a huge podcasting event, and um,

1017
00:52:56,840 --> 00:52:59,879
Speaker 1: they're multiple panelists, multiple panels going on. Me and Anna,

1018
00:53:00,000 --> 00:53:03,520
Speaker 1: We're on two panels that were like about being like

1019
00:53:03,640 --> 00:53:07,000
Speaker 1: bringing diversity into the podcast landscape and like not being white.

1020
00:53:07,600 --> 00:53:09,759
Speaker 1: But then we found out there was a woman in

1021
00:53:09,800 --> 00:53:14,120
Speaker 1: podcasting panel with all white women and so as much

1022
00:53:14,120 --> 00:53:16,160
Speaker 1: as that is helpful for us to be there and

1023
00:53:16,200 --> 00:53:18,520
Speaker 1: talk about those issues. We can also talk about other

1024
00:53:18,600 --> 00:53:20,759
Speaker 1: things we don't have to, you know what I mean,

1025
00:53:20,840 --> 00:53:26,560
Speaker 1: Like our expertise are not just being diverse, Yeah, exactly. So, Um,

1026
00:53:26,600 --> 00:53:29,600
Speaker 1: I think it's it's just baby steps and change takes

1027
00:53:29,640 --> 00:53:33,120
Speaker 1: so long and as much as good, as much good

1028
00:53:33,160 --> 00:53:36,080
Speaker 1: as there has been in the recent history, I think

1029
00:53:36,160 --> 00:53:39,440
Speaker 1: we have a long way to go. But yeah, just like,

1030
00:53:39,520 --> 00:53:42,080
Speaker 1: for example, I'm really mad about the Aladdin movie coming

1031
00:53:42,160 --> 00:53:45,920
Speaker 1: up because I thought, like the role of Jasmine was

1032
00:53:45,960 --> 00:53:49,080
Speaker 1: like the first sure thing, like that's an arib rowle,

1033
00:53:49,120 --> 00:53:52,200
Speaker 1: like an arable woman could finally be on screen doing

1034
00:53:52,239 --> 00:53:55,239
Speaker 1: what she's like, like the person the only person that

1035
00:53:55,280 --> 00:53:57,960
Speaker 1: she could like grab hold of us growing up like

1036
00:53:58,200 --> 00:54:00,279
Speaker 1: who she was. And then they gave a to a

1037
00:54:00,280 --> 00:54:03,759
Speaker 1: half Indian, half white person and that's totally fine. Like

1038
00:54:03,800 --> 00:54:07,680
Speaker 1: I'm sure maybe the more like the average American or

1039
00:54:07,800 --> 00:54:09,879
Speaker 1: Western or can't tell a difference between what they look

1040
00:54:09,920 --> 00:54:13,120
Speaker 1: like between like me and this half white, half Indian

1041
00:54:13,160 --> 00:54:15,319
Speaker 1: maybe will look similar to them, But to me it

1042
00:54:15,360 --> 00:54:21,040
Speaker 1: was important, like to me that representation was given away

1043
00:54:21,040 --> 00:54:25,360
Speaker 1: when it should have been ours. And so I think

1044
00:54:26,239 --> 00:54:28,880
Speaker 1: I think people don't realize the importance of that, and

1045
00:54:30,280 --> 00:54:32,560
Speaker 1: especially big studio heads that are just like in it

1046
00:54:32,600 --> 00:54:34,919
Speaker 1: for the money. Like whether it's this Lena Dunna movie

1047
00:54:34,920 --> 00:54:36,960
Speaker 1: that's coming out that's directed by Lena Dunna. I'm a

1048
00:54:37,120 --> 00:54:40,480
Speaker 1: very privileged white woman. She's directing and adapting a Syrian

1049
00:54:40,520 --> 00:54:44,800
Speaker 1: a Syrian refugee story. Like really, like that's the person

1050
00:54:44,920 --> 00:54:52,240
Speaker 1: you selected. Like it's just as long as white maybe

1051
00:54:52,280 --> 00:54:55,560
Speaker 1: like slightly ignorant people are in power, they're going to

1052
00:54:55,640 --> 00:54:58,440
Speaker 1: keep hiring themselves and not think that like maybe the

1053
00:54:58,480 --> 00:55:01,400
Speaker 1: story can be better told from an actual person, like

1054
00:55:01,400 --> 00:55:05,200
Speaker 1: a Syrian director or Syrian filmmaker's point of view. So

1055
00:55:05,239 --> 00:55:07,200
Speaker 1: I think there's a long way to go. I feel

1056
00:55:07,200 --> 00:55:08,880
Speaker 1: like I've gone on trouble on our show for like

1057
00:55:08,960 --> 00:55:10,839
Speaker 1: making it seem like I hate white people, and that's

1058
00:55:10,880 --> 00:55:13,120
Speaker 1: not the point. I just I think I'm just very

1059
00:55:13,160 --> 00:55:17,959
Speaker 1: honest about the power structure of the society and if

1060
00:55:18,200 --> 00:55:21,600
Speaker 1: if if people are uncomfortable with me, like I call

1061
00:55:21,680 --> 00:55:24,160
Speaker 1: I can I say whitey all the time just like

1062
00:55:24,200 --> 00:55:26,560
Speaker 1: as a way, like to be playful, But um, I've

1063
00:55:26,600 --> 00:55:29,400
Speaker 1: gotten in trouble for it. But it's not about hating

1064
00:55:30,719 --> 00:55:33,600
Speaker 1: the white man. It's about criticizing them and knowing they

1065
00:55:33,600 --> 00:55:37,719
Speaker 1: have to make an effort to change. Like Spielberg and Abrahams,

1066
00:55:37,719 --> 00:55:39,640
Speaker 1: the people that higher Liman done him for that project

1067
00:55:39,719 --> 00:55:42,840
Speaker 1: there just as at fault as she is for accepting

1068
00:55:42,880 --> 00:55:45,120
Speaker 1: that project. Like they were the ones that chose her,

1069
00:55:45,520 --> 00:55:47,640
Speaker 1: they were the ones that deemed her appropriate for the role.

1070
00:55:48,200 --> 00:55:53,120
Speaker 1: So there's it's just a huge toxic uh society. And

1071
00:55:53,160 --> 00:55:55,560
Speaker 1: maybe I'm just more attuned to the filmmaking side of

1072
00:55:55,560 --> 00:55:57,719
Speaker 1: it and more sensitive to that because I'm a filmmaker.

1073
00:55:58,080 --> 00:56:00,160
Speaker 1: But um, but yeah, I think we have a long

1074
00:56:00,160 --> 00:56:02,239
Speaker 1: way to go. Sorry for this long tangent. I'm just

1075
00:56:02,320 --> 00:56:05,440
Speaker 1: very heated about this topic. I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm

1076
00:56:05,440 --> 00:56:08,600
Speaker 1: gonna stuff. No, it's great, you're just calling it like

1077
00:56:08,640 --> 00:56:15,520
Speaker 1: you see it. Um. So, for the younger version of

1078
00:56:15,520 --> 00:56:18,800
Speaker 1: of you that maybe is listening to this and it

1079
00:56:18,880 --> 00:56:23,680
Speaker 1: is self conscious about her, her eyebrows or whatever it

1080
00:56:23,760 --> 00:56:26,520
Speaker 1: might be, do you have any advice that you would

1081
00:56:26,640 --> 00:56:28,480
Speaker 1: that you wish you had gotten, or that you would give.

1082
00:56:29,800 --> 00:56:32,000
Speaker 1: Probably that it gets better that you're not gonna get

1083
00:56:32,080 --> 00:56:35,239
Speaker 1: stuck in this like phase you're in, that you will

1084
00:56:35,280 --> 00:56:38,719
Speaker 1: be constantly evolving as a person, Your parents will be evolving.

1085
00:56:39,000 --> 00:56:41,840
Speaker 1: Your life is going to change, like things are gonna happen.

1086
00:56:41,880 --> 00:56:44,520
Speaker 1: You're gonna learn to love your eyebrows. Bushy eyebrows are

1087
00:56:44,520 --> 00:56:47,160
Speaker 1: gonna be trendy again, you know, like these things. The

1088
00:56:47,200 --> 00:56:51,480
Speaker 1: world is constantly changing and there's room, there's space for everybody,

1089
00:56:51,719 --> 00:56:53,879
Speaker 1: and you will find your space. Even if you start

1090
00:56:53,920 --> 00:56:56,920
Speaker 1: to realize your weirdness is actually more unique than you thought,

1091
00:56:57,239 --> 00:56:59,919
Speaker 1: standing out is actually pretty cool. Like you you're gonna

1092
00:57:00,120 --> 00:57:05,239
Speaker 1: learn and see that it wasn't all Like You're not

1093
00:57:05,239 --> 00:57:07,439
Speaker 1: going to be stuck in that moment forever where you're

1094
00:57:07,440 --> 00:57:11,080
Speaker 1: like dreading your life and your experiences because your parents

1095
00:57:11,120 --> 00:57:13,399
Speaker 1: are too strict, or because you look a different way,

1096
00:57:13,520 --> 00:57:16,640
Speaker 1: or because you just are weird in general, like just different.

1097
00:57:17,200 --> 00:57:21,040
Speaker 1: Everything changes and everything you know, you're you're You'll learn

1098
00:57:21,120 --> 00:57:23,760
Speaker 1: to love yourself eventually, and if not, there's always therapy.

1099
00:57:23,800 --> 00:57:26,240
Speaker 1: I feel like mental illness is not discussed at all

1100
00:57:26,280 --> 00:57:28,320
Speaker 1: in like Middle Eastern communities, and I think it's so

1101
00:57:28,360 --> 00:57:30,680
Speaker 1: important to be like, if you need to talk to someone,

1102
00:57:31,080 --> 00:57:34,080
Speaker 1: don't think because your parents don't understand why that you

1103
00:57:34,120 --> 00:57:38,200
Speaker 1: shouldn't go and explore that option and said I think,

1104
00:57:38,960 --> 00:57:41,200
Speaker 1: I mean if I had known that bushy eyebrows would

1105
00:57:41,200 --> 00:57:45,920
Speaker 1: come back. That was just if I had a time machine. Um,

1106
00:57:45,960 --> 00:57:49,400
Speaker 1: but yeah, just knowing that the things that make you

1107
00:57:49,520 --> 00:57:53,560
Speaker 1: feel weird and the things that make you feel so

1108
00:57:53,680 --> 00:57:55,760
Speaker 1: different and strange are the things that will make you

1109
00:57:55,840 --> 00:58:00,320
Speaker 1: so unique and beautiful and strong, and um, mental illness

1110
00:58:00,360 --> 00:58:01,880
Speaker 1: the same thing. Like I struggled a lot when I

1111
00:58:01,920 --> 00:58:03,959
Speaker 1: was younger, and it was not something to talk about,

1112
00:58:04,000 --> 00:58:07,720
Speaker 1: it was not something to address. And so encouraging myself

1113
00:58:07,760 --> 00:58:10,240
Speaker 1: to be more to to take care of my mental

1114
00:58:10,240 --> 00:58:13,840
Speaker 1: health and to know that I'm not broken, I'm not damaged.

1115
00:58:14,080 --> 00:58:16,480
Speaker 1: I wrote a lot of poetry about going through mental

1116
00:58:16,600 --> 00:58:21,240
Speaker 1: illnesses and like depression and anxiety and suicidal thoughts and um,

1117
00:58:21,280 --> 00:58:23,720
Speaker 1: I used that as a catharsis in a therapy for myself,

1118
00:58:23,800 --> 00:58:28,960
Speaker 1: but it wasn't enough. And so taking your health into

1119
00:58:29,040 --> 00:58:30,919
Speaker 1: your own hands, even if your parents are a little

1120
00:58:30,920 --> 00:58:34,520
Speaker 1: bit stubborn about it or a little bit maybe they've

1121
00:58:34,560 --> 00:58:36,960
Speaker 1: never experienced it before, maybe they don't know that you're

1122
00:58:37,440 --> 00:58:40,600
Speaker 1: going through something. And especially immigrant communities, they're not very

1123
00:58:40,600 --> 00:58:44,600
Speaker 1: open about mental health. And so I think knowing that

1124
00:58:44,640 --> 00:58:48,200
Speaker 1: like it will you will be okay. Like just if

1125
00:58:48,200 --> 00:58:53,160
Speaker 1: you stick around long enough, you'll you'll realize like weird

1126
00:58:53,280 --> 00:58:55,400
Speaker 1: is a good thing. I love being weird now I

1127
00:58:55,480 --> 00:58:57,600
Speaker 1: love being a weirdo. I love being a nerd. I

1128
00:58:57,680 --> 00:58:59,640
Speaker 1: loving a weirdo. I love those things that made me

1129
00:58:59,680 --> 00:59:03,280
Speaker 1: feel awful When I was younger, it made me feel

1130
00:59:03,320 --> 00:59:05,800
Speaker 1: like an alien, and now I love being that and

1131
00:59:05,840 --> 00:59:10,480
Speaker 1: so UM, I think the hardest thing for me is

1132
00:59:11,920 --> 00:59:14,680
Speaker 1: because I was very suicidal growing up, and so it

1133
00:59:14,720 --> 00:59:17,040
Speaker 1: breaks my heart to think of like another person out

1134
00:59:17,040 --> 00:59:19,640
Speaker 1: there that feels the same way I did. And so

1135
00:59:20,120 --> 00:59:23,840
Speaker 1: just knowing that it gets mean, Like I hate that,

1136
00:59:23,880 --> 00:59:25,600
Speaker 1: it's kind of it sounds cliche, but it does get

1137
00:59:25,640 --> 00:59:30,360
Speaker 1: easier if you just let yourself grow and learn and

1138
00:59:30,440 --> 00:59:32,520
Speaker 1: slowly learn to love yourself. And I'm still learning to

1139
00:59:32,560 --> 00:59:36,479
Speaker 1: love myself. It's just definitely a process. Just find things

1140
00:59:36,480 --> 00:59:38,160
Speaker 1: that make you happy, even if it's like for only

1141
00:59:38,200 --> 00:59:41,280
Speaker 1: little moments, whether it's poetry, whether it's photography, whether it's

1142
00:59:41,840 --> 00:59:45,080
Speaker 1: um writing or anything. I think knowing that you're important

1143
00:59:45,120 --> 00:59:48,640
Speaker 1: just the way you are and all train yourself as

1144
00:59:48,720 --> 00:59:51,320
Speaker 1: not going to make you any happier. It's just going

1145
00:59:51,360 --> 00:59:54,800
Speaker 1: to make you more confused about your identity. Uh. And

1146
00:59:54,920 --> 00:59:56,320
Speaker 1: I don't know if I'm answering this question, I just

1147
00:59:56,400 --> 01:00:00,520
Speaker 1: keep talking how you are. That's wonderful, it vice And

1148
01:00:00,600 --> 01:00:04,720
Speaker 1: I think for someone when you're younger and you hear

1149
01:00:04,760 --> 01:00:07,440
Speaker 1: that over and over again, it's hard. It can be

1150
01:00:07,480 --> 01:00:10,400
Speaker 1: hard to accept. That's what That's what I didn't want

1151
01:00:10,440 --> 01:00:11,800
Speaker 1: to I mean, like, because if I was hearing this

1152
01:00:11,840 --> 01:00:13,640
Speaker 1: when I was younger, if I was like, it'll get easier,

1153
01:00:13,680 --> 01:00:16,520
Speaker 1: I'd be like you, like, no, it doesn't have no

1154
01:00:16,560 --> 01:00:18,080
Speaker 1: idea what's in my head. You have no idea what's

1155
01:00:18,240 --> 01:00:22,120
Speaker 1: what I'm going through? But um, you do feel very alone,

1156
01:00:22,640 --> 01:00:27,240
Speaker 1: and I think being being okay with yourself when you're

1157
01:00:27,240 --> 01:00:31,320
Speaker 1: alone needs to happen in the process of loving yourself.

1158
01:00:31,440 --> 01:00:35,080
Speaker 1: And so just knowing that, like it will take time

1159
01:00:35,280 --> 01:00:41,760
Speaker 1: to do that. Yeah, I don't know. I think that

1160
01:00:41,760 --> 01:00:44,720
Speaker 1: that is a wonderful place to end it. Unless you

1161
01:00:45,120 --> 01:00:47,439
Speaker 1: either of you have anything that you would like to add.

1162
01:00:49,000 --> 01:00:52,400
Speaker 1: I mean, that's it. Thank you so much for having us,

1163
01:00:52,600 --> 01:00:54,320
Speaker 1: I know, thank you so much for having us and

1164
01:00:54,560 --> 01:00:58,080
Speaker 1: means a lot to us. Yeah, thank you so much

1165
01:00:58,120 --> 01:01:01,240
Speaker 1: for coming on. This was such a love a conversation

1166
01:01:01,720 --> 01:01:05,360
Speaker 1: and I had a wonderful time. Come back. You're always

1167
01:01:05,400 --> 01:01:09,840
Speaker 1: welcome of course, Oh thank you. Yeah, we'll definitely come back. Um,

1168
01:01:09,840 --> 01:01:14,720
Speaker 1: where can the good listeners find you? Well? Ethnic Ambiguous

1169
01:01:14,800 --> 01:01:16,680
Speaker 1: is our podcast is on the How Stuff Works I

1170
01:01:16,760 --> 01:01:20,480
Speaker 1: Heart Radio Network. UM we you know we're on iTunes.

1171
01:01:20,560 --> 01:01:23,840
Speaker 1: You can find a Spotify, stitcher, anywhere you find podcasts.

1172
01:01:23,840 --> 01:01:25,520
Speaker 1: You can find us on I Heart Radio app. You

1173
01:01:25,520 --> 01:01:28,640
Speaker 1: know we're out here. Um, you can follow us on Twitter.

1174
01:01:29,000 --> 01:01:31,920
Speaker 1: You can follow us on Instagram. We're constantly posting about

1175
01:01:32,200 --> 01:01:35,080
Speaker 1: UM news and things that come up on our show.

1176
01:01:35,160 --> 01:01:38,720
Speaker 1: Instagram and Twitter, Um we are. Twitter is very active.

1177
01:01:38,760 --> 01:01:42,560
Speaker 1: We respond to everyone. We talked to everyone. UM yeah,

1178
01:01:42,640 --> 01:01:45,000
Speaker 1: and you can follow me at Anna host ne a

1179
01:01:45,000 --> 01:01:47,320
Speaker 1: A N N A h O S s n I

1180
01:01:47,440 --> 01:01:50,760
Speaker 1: E H on Twitter and then ethnically ambiguous is Twitter

1181
01:01:50,880 --> 01:01:53,800
Speaker 1: is ethnically am A m B. And then Instagram is

1182
01:01:53,840 --> 01:01:56,480
Speaker 1: ethnically and big A M B I G. And you

1183
01:01:56,520 --> 01:02:00,440
Speaker 1: can follow me on Instagram at Shiro hero a h

1184
01:02:00,600 --> 01:02:02,600
Speaker 1: e E r O H E r oh and then

1185
01:02:02,600 --> 01:02:06,000
Speaker 1: on Twitter it's your hero six and so keep up

1186
01:02:06,040 --> 01:02:09,640
Speaker 1: with us. And um, we love interacting with our listeners

1187
01:02:09,640 --> 01:02:11,440
Speaker 1: and I think it's one of the main things that like,

1188
01:02:12,080 --> 01:02:15,400
Speaker 1: I don't know, we tried to emphasize is that we're

1189
01:02:15,440 --> 01:02:20,560
Speaker 1: people just like you. I can't wait to read the comments,

1190
01:02:20,800 --> 01:02:24,720
Speaker 1: um dad's comments. Yeah, they're great and his dad has

1191
01:02:24,760 --> 01:02:29,360
Speaker 1: the best comments. Um. And you can always email uh

1192
01:02:29,520 --> 01:02:32,840
Speaker 1: this show this podcast at mom stuff at a staff

1193
01:02:32,840 --> 01:02:34,800
Speaker 1: works dot com, and you can find us on Twitter

1194
01:02:34,880 --> 01:02:38,120
Speaker 1: at mom Stuff Podcast and on Instagram at stuff Bob

1195
01:02:38,200 --> 01:02:41,439
Speaker 1: Never Told You. Thanks as always to our producer Trevor Young,

1196
01:02:41,520 --> 01:02:43,120
Speaker 1: and thanks to you for listening.