1 00:00:05,200 --> 00:00:07,880 Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha, and welcome to Steph. 2 00:00:07,920 --> 00:00:18,880 Speaker 1: I never told your production of I Heart Radio. So 3 00:00:19,040 --> 00:00:21,640 Speaker 1: for today's episode, we're going to do something a little different, 4 00:00:21,720 --> 00:00:25,480 Speaker 1: a little lass research or conversational, because we have some 5 00:00:26,000 --> 00:00:31,880 Speaker 1: vacationing happening here. Believe it or not, I know, right 6 00:00:32,520 --> 00:00:36,320 Speaker 1: February vacation time. I went to the beach with my mom. 7 00:00:36,320 --> 00:00:41,240 Speaker 1: I had a lovely time, but hilariously enough, she told 8 00:00:41,320 --> 00:00:45,479 Speaker 1: me she was trying to be very motherly and caring. 9 00:00:45,560 --> 00:00:47,280 Speaker 1: It was like, I think you need more vitamin D. 10 00:00:47,400 --> 00:00:49,960 Speaker 1: You don't go out enough during the pandemic. So I did, 11 00:00:50,000 --> 00:00:51,519 Speaker 1: and I stood at this place and she was like, 12 00:00:51,560 --> 00:00:53,520 Speaker 1: this is the best place, and I got suffered. So 13 00:00:54,320 --> 00:01:00,000 Speaker 1: if I look ridiculous, Samantha, that's why I don't mean 14 00:01:00,040 --> 00:01:03,080 Speaker 1: to insult you. Uh huh. You just look like got 15 00:01:03,080 --> 00:01:07,400 Speaker 1: freckled a little bit. I'm sorry, friend, that's that's fine. 16 00:01:07,680 --> 00:01:10,640 Speaker 1: You should have seen me when it first happened. Okay, 17 00:01:10,800 --> 00:01:13,000 Speaker 1: she laughed. My mom kept laughing every time I entered 18 00:01:13,000 --> 00:01:15,000 Speaker 1: the room, and then she felt bad for laughing at me. 19 00:01:15,040 --> 00:01:18,080 Speaker 1: But it was totally fair because it looked ridiculous. Not 20 00:01:18,200 --> 00:01:19,959 Speaker 1: that you would not want to be a lobster. But 21 00:01:20,000 --> 00:01:22,640 Speaker 1: I'm like, you still look pretty white to me. Okay, okay, 22 00:01:22,760 --> 00:01:24,720 Speaker 1: so except for like you got bing to freckles a 23 00:01:24,720 --> 00:01:26,000 Speaker 1: little bit. If you've got a little bit of hand 24 00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:28,039 Speaker 1: on the nose, I see it. I see it. Yeah. 25 00:01:28,120 --> 00:01:31,800 Speaker 1: My partner when he gets burned, I laugh all the time, 26 00:01:31,880 --> 00:01:36,399 Speaker 1: because usually he always gives burned when he thinks he's 27 00:01:36,480 --> 00:01:38,319 Speaker 1: fine and then he gets burned, and I'm like, I 28 00:01:38,319 --> 00:01:40,080 Speaker 1: told you so, so I have every right to laugh 29 00:01:40,120 --> 00:01:42,839 Speaker 1: at you because I told you so. This is typically. 30 00:01:42,880 --> 00:01:46,440 Speaker 1: I'm like, you earned this laughter in ridicule because you 31 00:01:46,480 --> 00:01:50,240 Speaker 1: did this to yourself type of situation. My vacation quote unquote, 32 00:01:50,240 --> 00:01:52,640 Speaker 1: which was for two days, was hopped up on some 33 00:01:52,760 --> 00:01:55,720 Speaker 1: diazepam and then some coding tyl and all because I 34 00:01:55,800 --> 00:01:59,360 Speaker 1: got my teeth extracted. You'll have bad teeth. I think 35 00:01:59,360 --> 00:02:00,960 Speaker 1: we've talked about this before, because we talked about the 36 00:02:01,040 --> 00:02:03,480 Speaker 1: entol appointments and caring for ourselves and then the pandemic, 37 00:02:03,520 --> 00:02:06,040 Speaker 1: and we're not gonna, definitely not going. I have started 38 00:02:06,080 --> 00:02:10,320 Speaker 1: my journey and fixing what is really bad teeth. Apparently, 39 00:02:11,160 --> 00:02:13,079 Speaker 1: the dentist who was actually a father of a very 40 00:02:13,080 --> 00:02:15,400 Speaker 1: good friend of mine so he was very kind of like, 41 00:02:15,400 --> 00:02:19,080 Speaker 1: please don't judge me. My teeth are bad. I was 42 00:02:19,120 --> 00:02:23,639 Speaker 1: malnourished until I was eight years old, bad calcium deficiencies, 43 00:02:23,800 --> 00:02:26,440 Speaker 1: so many things, lived in an orphanage. Try to tell 44 00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:28,480 Speaker 1: this whole story. And he's like a spine, it's fine. 45 00:02:28,520 --> 00:02:30,680 Speaker 1: Your teeth are great. Your teeth are great. Um. And 46 00:02:30,720 --> 00:02:32,280 Speaker 1: then he went and did X rays. He's like, Okay, 47 00:02:32,320 --> 00:02:35,720 Speaker 1: your teeth aren't great. We need to do these following things. 48 00:02:35,960 --> 00:02:38,320 Speaker 1: And I'm petrified of the dentist because I did have 49 00:02:38,360 --> 00:02:40,000 Speaker 1: to go to the dentist so often when I first 50 00:02:40,000 --> 00:02:41,720 Speaker 1: came into the US, I had to have a whole 51 00:02:41,760 --> 00:02:45,280 Speaker 1: specialist loss of teeth ticking out all those things. Um. 52 00:02:45,280 --> 00:02:48,240 Speaker 1: And I know it's pretty common for most people, I think, 53 00:02:48,240 --> 00:02:52,040 Speaker 1: to have somewhat of a fear of dentists. I'm sorry, dentists, 54 00:02:52,120 --> 00:02:53,560 Speaker 1: we love you, but ye, at the same time, we 55 00:02:53,600 --> 00:02:57,080 Speaker 1: fear you. But yeah, it's even still a little sword today. 56 00:02:57,120 --> 00:02:59,800 Speaker 1: But I've been very cautious and like doing all the 57 00:03:00,160 --> 00:03:03,040 Speaker 1: seeing and not too much when seeing and making sure 58 00:03:03,040 --> 00:03:06,320 Speaker 1: it's plotting all these things. But yeah, that was my 59 00:03:06,800 --> 00:03:14,919 Speaker 1: two day off. Yeah, right right, it's not quite the same. 60 00:03:17,080 --> 00:03:22,400 Speaker 1: I guess your sunburn in comparison to my teeth being extracted. Yeah, 61 00:03:22,680 --> 00:03:27,920 Speaker 1: but I've got you're going on this journey. I hope it. Yeah, 62 00:03:26,880 --> 00:03:30,120 Speaker 1: so far, so good. He really was like, you know, 63 00:03:30,240 --> 00:03:32,040 Speaker 1: for everything you've gone through and the fact that you've 64 00:03:32,200 --> 00:03:34,920 Speaker 1: not been to the dentist in years, you look pretty good. 65 00:03:35,520 --> 00:03:38,200 Speaker 1: The dental Hygena's there. She was wonderful, and she was like, 66 00:03:38,240 --> 00:03:41,720 Speaker 1: you need a water pick, and y'all life changing, not 67 00:03:41,800 --> 00:03:46,080 Speaker 1: a sponsor, life changing. I had one spot with my gums. 68 00:03:46,160 --> 00:03:50,040 Speaker 1: It's always swollen and always like really gross. My gums 69 00:03:50,040 --> 00:03:53,080 Speaker 1: are always bloody no matter what, after flossing, after brushing 70 00:03:53,080 --> 00:03:54,680 Speaker 1: my teeth, and I do this every day, so don't 71 00:03:54,760 --> 00:03:56,560 Speaker 1: judge me. It took me a long time to figure 72 00:03:56,600 --> 00:03:59,160 Speaker 1: it out, but you know, and I would just accept that. 73 00:03:59,280 --> 00:04:01,520 Speaker 1: Let my guns were grow. Of saying that I had 74 00:04:02,040 --> 00:04:03,840 Speaker 1: all kinds of problems with my teeth, you know, I 75 00:04:03,960 --> 00:04:07,040 Speaker 1: just accepted that. I would, you know, forever bleed. And 76 00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:09,480 Speaker 1: then the water pick. It took me a while to 77 00:04:09,480 --> 00:04:11,960 Speaker 1: figure out how to do it, and after like literally 78 00:04:12,000 --> 00:04:14,440 Speaker 1: three or four days, it just started clearing up. I 79 00:04:14,560 --> 00:04:17,159 Speaker 1: was like, oh my god, the stintal hidgena. She is 80 00:04:17,200 --> 00:04:19,480 Speaker 1: my hero. And I told her immediately because I went, 81 00:04:19,600 --> 00:04:21,800 Speaker 1: like I went for cleaning. The next week, I went 82 00:04:21,880 --> 00:04:23,960 Speaker 1: for the extraction, and she was like, how are how 83 00:04:23,960 --> 00:04:25,960 Speaker 1: are you doing? I was like, oh my god, and 84 00:04:26,000 --> 00:04:28,240 Speaker 1: I did and I was saying I love you. She no, 85 00:04:28,279 --> 00:04:30,720 Speaker 1: I love you. We had a whole exchange because I 86 00:04:30,760 --> 00:04:35,120 Speaker 1: felt like she told me this world opening secret with 87 00:04:35,240 --> 00:04:38,320 Speaker 1: this water pick. But just just so you know, that's awesome. 88 00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:46,440 Speaker 1: Oh the love forming everywhere, love forms everywhere. I'm into it? 89 00:04:46,560 --> 00:04:49,000 Speaker 1: Or does it? Or does it? Oh gosh, I'll get 90 00:04:49,040 --> 00:04:54,720 Speaker 1: into that in a second. Yeah. So this episode is 91 00:04:54,760 --> 00:04:59,640 Speaker 1: inspired actually by a separate trip I took recently with 92 00:04:59,720 --> 00:05:02,680 Speaker 1: a a good group of friends of mine where by 93 00:05:02,760 --> 00:05:04,960 Speaker 1: the way, there was a kincake, as it is our tradition, 94 00:05:05,560 --> 00:05:09,440 Speaker 1: and I they were teasing me about Star Wars related stuff, 95 00:05:09,520 --> 00:05:12,440 Speaker 1: of course, and I was like, I can find this 96 00:05:12,480 --> 00:05:16,039 Speaker 1: baby in this kincake. And I just ran my hand 97 00:05:16,120 --> 00:05:19,760 Speaker 1: over it, over the top and I stopped and I 98 00:05:19,800 --> 00:05:24,119 Speaker 1: was like, it's right here. That baby was right there. 99 00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:28,840 Speaker 1: You special, thank you, thank you, Samantha. They didn't seem 100 00:05:28,880 --> 00:05:32,200 Speaker 1: to see it that way, but that's thet you ad. 101 00:05:32,240 --> 00:05:34,159 Speaker 1: You told me about this at which point you were like, 102 00:05:34,240 --> 00:05:36,040 Speaker 1: you'll not that because I was like, you found the baby, 103 00:05:36,320 --> 00:05:41,000 Speaker 1: and You're like, well, yeah I did. I did. And 104 00:05:41,160 --> 00:05:44,240 Speaker 1: I can't believe they don't mean they don't believe that 105 00:05:44,279 --> 00:05:49,680 Speaker 1: means I'm for sensitive all right, whatever, I'm sorry, not 106 00:05:49,720 --> 00:05:55,720 Speaker 1: magic either, I'll accept. Okay, it's all good. But we 107 00:05:55,800 --> 00:06:01,040 Speaker 1: got to talking about bad dates that we had been on. 108 00:06:01,400 --> 00:06:03,720 Speaker 1: I texted you and I was like, we need to 109 00:06:03,760 --> 00:06:07,680 Speaker 1: talk about this because so many of them. I just 110 00:06:07,720 --> 00:06:13,760 Speaker 1: thought to myself, why why, why would anyone think this 111 00:06:13,839 --> 00:06:16,720 Speaker 1: is acceptable behavior. So we were just going to talk 112 00:06:16,760 --> 00:06:19,080 Speaker 1: about some of those things and some of our experiences. 113 00:06:19,080 --> 00:06:21,760 Speaker 1: But with that, we want to say, like we're focusing 114 00:06:21,760 --> 00:06:25,680 Speaker 1: on mostly funny things, funny bad dates, but we are 115 00:06:25,680 --> 00:06:28,000 Speaker 1: going to talk about some of the darker side of that, 116 00:06:28,480 --> 00:06:31,599 Speaker 1: because for a lot of women, a bad date is 117 00:06:31,640 --> 00:06:35,400 Speaker 1: not funny. It is scary and dangerous. And I heard 118 00:06:35,400 --> 00:06:38,240 Speaker 1: a lot of that when I was asking around around 119 00:06:38,240 --> 00:06:41,599 Speaker 1: my my female group of friends, of like, yeah, sure, 120 00:06:41,600 --> 00:06:45,120 Speaker 1: we've got these funny experiences, but a lot of them 121 00:06:45,160 --> 00:06:50,200 Speaker 1: are not funny at all, right at all? And in fact, 122 00:06:50,480 --> 00:06:55,000 Speaker 1: I became very outraged that this is sort of an accepted, 123 00:06:55,839 --> 00:06:57,839 Speaker 1: like I've always known that it's not like a surprise 124 00:06:57,920 --> 00:07:01,360 Speaker 1: to me, but I was just getting angry and angrier 125 00:07:01,440 --> 00:07:04,280 Speaker 1: that everybody, every woman I talked to you have this 126 00:07:05,680 --> 00:07:10,480 Speaker 1: truly horrendous like just I can't. It makes me very 127 00:07:10,560 --> 00:07:16,000 Speaker 1: mad that this is dating right, this is dat I 128 00:07:16,080 --> 00:07:18,160 Speaker 1: find it funny because you and I have talked about 129 00:07:18,200 --> 00:07:22,280 Speaker 1: this often, about the fact that it's to the point 130 00:07:22,320 --> 00:07:25,000 Speaker 1: that you and I are both like, Okay, we're good. 131 00:07:26,080 --> 00:07:29,280 Speaker 1: We're good and for me, I do have a partnership. 132 00:07:29,520 --> 00:07:32,600 Speaker 1: For me though, I think this is why our listeners 133 00:07:32,600 --> 00:07:34,360 Speaker 1: are like, I think you're a romantic and I get it, 134 00:07:35,200 --> 00:07:38,280 Speaker 1: but in the sense of like, as much as I 135 00:07:38,360 --> 00:07:42,040 Speaker 1: adore my partnership and we do work well, and the 136 00:07:42,120 --> 00:07:45,640 Speaker 1: circumstances that we have come to our good for us 137 00:07:45,800 --> 00:07:49,320 Speaker 1: and we are fine, there's definitely things that we need 138 00:07:49,360 --> 00:07:52,280 Speaker 1: to work on. There's a lot of miscommunication and we 139 00:07:52,360 --> 00:07:55,200 Speaker 1: are very I figured out where the same It's an 140 00:07:55,240 --> 00:07:57,880 Speaker 1: air sign and I feel like this could be telling 141 00:07:58,320 --> 00:08:01,880 Speaker 1: and we'll talk about that later in that if this 142 00:08:02,040 --> 00:08:05,679 Speaker 1: was not to work out, and in my mind, because 143 00:08:05,720 --> 00:08:08,480 Speaker 1: I've never been in this long of a relationship ever, 144 00:08:08,560 --> 00:08:12,160 Speaker 1: this is my first really long term relationship like and 145 00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:15,440 Speaker 1: again I say long term. Typically I would say beyond 146 00:08:15,560 --> 00:08:18,280 Speaker 1: eight months is a long term relationship for me, but 147 00:08:18,440 --> 00:08:20,840 Speaker 1: we have gone beyond that. We've gone into like four 148 00:08:20,920 --> 00:08:23,800 Speaker 1: to five. Maybe I don't really know because we don't 149 00:08:23,800 --> 00:08:25,840 Speaker 1: know a beginning date. This is how pay romantic I 150 00:08:25,880 --> 00:08:28,320 Speaker 1: probably am. We don't have dates, we don't celebrate things 151 00:08:28,320 --> 00:08:30,880 Speaker 1: like that. That's not a thing for me. So we've 152 00:08:30,880 --> 00:08:35,680 Speaker 1: been around for like four ish years together, maybe five years, 153 00:08:35,880 --> 00:08:38,920 Speaker 1: so we're going to really have about this. But even still, 154 00:08:38,960 --> 00:08:42,040 Speaker 1: we're not permanent. In my mind, nothing is permanent. Maybe 155 00:08:42,040 --> 00:08:45,440 Speaker 1: I'm just way too like Buddhist mindset in this, like 156 00:08:45,600 --> 00:08:48,640 Speaker 1: nothing is truly permanent. And even though I'm in a 157 00:08:48,679 --> 00:08:51,960 Speaker 1: partnership and I am very giving and I want to 158 00:08:51,960 --> 00:08:55,280 Speaker 1: include him and everything. So if I'm grocery shopping, I 159 00:08:55,320 --> 00:08:57,839 Speaker 1: always come back with a snack for him because I'm 160 00:08:57,840 --> 00:08:59,640 Speaker 1: always thinking about what can I get you, what can 161 00:08:59,720 --> 00:09:01,920 Speaker 1: I But I do that with you as well. If 162 00:09:01,920 --> 00:09:04,920 Speaker 1: you're coming over, I'm gonna go buy you something specific 163 00:09:05,280 --> 00:09:07,640 Speaker 1: for you. So I feel like if we live together, 164 00:09:07,679 --> 00:09:10,720 Speaker 1: I would still be doing this with you as well, 165 00:09:10,760 --> 00:09:12,480 Speaker 1: if that ever came to the point. But all of 166 00:09:12,520 --> 00:09:14,959 Speaker 1: that to say, it still doesn't mean it's gonna be permanent, 167 00:09:15,280 --> 00:09:17,960 Speaker 1: you know what I mean. So in my mindset, if 168 00:09:18,000 --> 00:09:19,840 Speaker 1: we were to break up, man, this is long winded. 169 00:09:20,520 --> 00:09:23,120 Speaker 1: In my mind, if we were to break up or 170 00:09:23,120 --> 00:09:27,120 Speaker 1: it does end, I don't want to try again. I 171 00:09:27,160 --> 00:09:30,680 Speaker 1: think it's like, Okay, I've had my run. I'm good single, single, 172 00:09:30,720 --> 00:09:39,080 Speaker 1: worse for me, singles cheaper true y I Oh my goodness, 173 00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:40,720 Speaker 1: You've touched on so many things I want to talk about. 174 00:09:40,760 --> 00:09:43,720 Speaker 1: Number one, the Jedi and attachment, which we are going 175 00:09:43,720 --> 00:09:45,720 Speaker 1: to talk about later, but you're kind of voicing the 176 00:09:45,760 --> 00:09:49,080 Speaker 1: whole thing. Number two. So when I was listening to 177 00:09:49,080 --> 00:09:52,079 Speaker 1: my friends talk about their experience dating, because I haven't 178 00:09:52,360 --> 00:09:57,600 Speaker 1: dated in a long time, Like I've gone on accidental dates, 179 00:09:58,000 --> 00:10:01,720 Speaker 1: but I have not purposefully dated in forever. So I 180 00:10:01,760 --> 00:10:05,559 Speaker 1: was hearing them tell their stories, and that was one 181 00:10:05,600 --> 00:10:08,520 Speaker 1: of my thoughts, is like, this is not worth it. No, 182 00:10:09,040 --> 00:10:12,439 Speaker 1: this is not worth it. And most of my friends 183 00:10:12,440 --> 00:10:15,120 Speaker 1: in this particular group, there's only one that's still trying. 184 00:10:15,800 --> 00:10:19,640 Speaker 1: But I have to too. In this set of data 185 00:10:19,679 --> 00:10:22,120 Speaker 1: points that I collected, which was, you know, pretty small, 186 00:10:22,200 --> 00:10:25,760 Speaker 1: but they're like, I'm done with it. I don't find 187 00:10:25,760 --> 00:10:28,280 Speaker 1: it fulfilling. I don't feel like I need it and 188 00:10:28,360 --> 00:10:30,920 Speaker 1: it's not worth it. And I want to say, like, 189 00:10:31,040 --> 00:10:35,480 Speaker 1: that is very personal case, and I know that having 190 00:10:35,520 --> 00:10:39,440 Speaker 1: fulfilling relationships is very important to everybody, even if that's 191 00:10:39,559 --> 00:10:43,080 Speaker 1: romantic or not romantic. But to hear that from people 192 00:10:44,240 --> 00:10:47,360 Speaker 1: who I've known for a long time, that tells me 193 00:10:47,400 --> 00:10:51,160 Speaker 1: the state of dating is not good, right, that's bad. 194 00:10:51,360 --> 00:10:56,440 Speaker 1: Like we're having women opt out of it by high margins. 195 00:10:56,440 --> 00:10:57,920 Speaker 1: And I know there have been reports on it a 196 00:10:57,920 --> 00:11:00,920 Speaker 1: lot recently where they're like, nobody is dating, no one 197 00:11:01,000 --> 00:11:03,920 Speaker 1: wants kids? Why? And I'm like, I got a lot 198 00:11:03,960 --> 00:11:07,839 Speaker 1: of examples. Right, you just need to talk to people, right, 199 00:11:07,960 --> 00:11:11,480 Speaker 1: just just talk to people about their experiences. And you know, 200 00:11:11,520 --> 00:11:14,240 Speaker 1: we've definitely talked about it in reference to political leaning, 201 00:11:14,320 --> 00:11:17,040 Speaker 1: So we've talked about it in reference to pandemics and 202 00:11:17,120 --> 00:11:21,840 Speaker 1: the quarantine shoot, even talking about the actual belief of 203 00:11:22,200 --> 00:11:25,400 Speaker 1: the pandemic that has separated a lot of people. I 204 00:11:25,440 --> 00:11:29,080 Speaker 1: feel like, and again, I know it's everywhere because California 205 00:11:29,080 --> 00:11:30,880 Speaker 1: and New York have also had to deal with this. 206 00:11:31,280 --> 00:11:34,280 Speaker 1: Maybe it's because we see more controversial people trying to 207 00:11:34,320 --> 00:11:37,240 Speaker 1: make things happen. But in the South is even more 208 00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:43,160 Speaker 1: divisive in Georgia of how often I would look in 209 00:11:43,280 --> 00:11:46,079 Speaker 1: my when I was dating, and like the twenty six 210 00:11:46,360 --> 00:11:49,360 Speaker 1: election happened, I was dating at that point in time 211 00:11:49,720 --> 00:11:51,800 Speaker 1: and any time. I think we've talked told the story 212 00:11:52,240 --> 00:11:56,040 Speaker 1: in all of these dating sites that if you said moderate, 213 00:11:56,480 --> 00:11:59,080 Speaker 1: you're automatically off my list. And I would look at 214 00:11:59,160 --> 00:12:02,600 Speaker 1: every white guy that came up on my page, looked 215 00:12:02,600 --> 00:12:05,600 Speaker 1: at what do they believe? If they didn't have politics 216 00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:08,120 Speaker 1: on there, you're also automatically out because I feel like 217 00:12:08,160 --> 00:12:10,319 Speaker 1: you did that on purpose for a written and if 218 00:12:10,320 --> 00:12:14,439 Speaker 1: you're from outside of Atlanta. I was super super cautious 219 00:12:14,760 --> 00:12:18,320 Speaker 1: outside of Atlanta and Savannah, honestly, and I was like, hm, hmmm, 220 00:12:19,360 --> 00:12:21,719 Speaker 1: you need to show you need to be able to 221 00:12:21,760 --> 00:12:25,440 Speaker 1: say this out loud, and if you don't, then there's 222 00:12:25,480 --> 00:12:27,559 Speaker 1: a reason and I can't have it. And that was 223 00:12:27,600 --> 00:12:29,920 Speaker 1: a huge, huge point. And I know we've talked about that. 224 00:12:29,920 --> 00:12:32,319 Speaker 1: I know Kristen and Caroline talked about that before us. 225 00:12:33,200 --> 00:12:37,640 Speaker 1: There's a huge hard red line now between what we 226 00:12:37,960 --> 00:12:40,839 Speaker 1: think it's acceptable and what wasn't acceptable. And I think 227 00:12:40,840 --> 00:12:43,440 Speaker 1: it's the same way for the conservative dating pool. If 228 00:12:43,520 --> 00:12:46,240 Speaker 1: you have anything I know one of the biggest triggering 229 00:12:46,240 --> 00:12:49,680 Speaker 1: words as people who put their pronouns um and that's 230 00:12:49,679 --> 00:12:52,959 Speaker 1: a sign to them as I've seen, so I think 231 00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:56,480 Speaker 1: it's on both lines where we're like, hell, no, cannot 232 00:12:56,559 --> 00:12:59,440 Speaker 1: make exceptions. This is the end, and that are like, 233 00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:03,320 Speaker 1: I have my own money, woman, with my own money 234 00:13:03,360 --> 00:13:07,160 Speaker 1: and career, I'm good. I'll just get a dog, thank you. 235 00:13:22,280 --> 00:13:25,640 Speaker 1: I mean, this is gonna be a lighter episode in 236 00:13:25,760 --> 00:13:28,080 Speaker 1: terms of research and both content, because as we said, 237 00:13:28,080 --> 00:13:30,679 Speaker 1: it could get really dark. But I've been thinking about 238 00:13:30,720 --> 00:13:35,160 Speaker 1: that a lot lately, where that sense of entitlements that 239 00:13:35,240 --> 00:13:39,840 Speaker 1: a lot of men feel when they're dating and I 240 00:13:39,960 --> 00:13:44,600 Speaker 1: have okay, I've got a text bread ready to go listeners, Like, 241 00:13:45,000 --> 00:13:48,400 Speaker 1: I was shocked that it's one thing to know it 242 00:13:48,520 --> 00:13:52,040 Speaker 1: until like hear it from your friends and think, how 243 00:13:52,080 --> 00:13:56,720 Speaker 1: could this person? How I think that this is okay. 244 00:13:57,600 --> 00:14:01,920 Speaker 1: It's one of those things where I feel like a 245 00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:07,280 Speaker 1: lot of men think they're entitled two sex, specifically in dating, 246 00:14:08,040 --> 00:14:09,960 Speaker 1: and a lot of women are like, you're treating as 247 00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:15,400 Speaker 1: like I'm fine by myself, and then that makes these 248 00:14:15,440 --> 00:14:19,120 Speaker 1: men feel angrier. Right, So I feel like it's a 249 00:14:19,120 --> 00:14:22,920 Speaker 1: really vicious cycle where you know if you go all 250 00:14:22,920 --> 00:14:25,320 Speaker 1: the way up to the in cell level of women 251 00:14:25,360 --> 00:14:29,480 Speaker 1: are denying me this and then it goes to violence. 252 00:14:29,760 --> 00:14:32,360 Speaker 1: But women are like on the other side, like, you're 253 00:14:32,520 --> 00:14:37,040 Speaker 1: not right, You're terrible date, but I don't feel comfortable 254 00:14:37,080 --> 00:14:38,640 Speaker 1: with you, We're safe with you, we're happy with you. 255 00:14:38,680 --> 00:14:40,440 Speaker 1: So I'm just going to opt out because I don't 256 00:14:40,520 --> 00:14:43,680 Speaker 1: need it. So we're it's like we're creating something that's 257 00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:47,080 Speaker 1: very toxic in a lot of ways with these messages 258 00:14:47,560 --> 00:14:50,560 Speaker 1: and on that darker side because I am the negative 259 00:14:51,600 --> 00:14:54,040 Speaker 1: of the bunch. I think a part of this when 260 00:14:54,040 --> 00:14:57,160 Speaker 1: we talk about all of that really scared just just 261 00:14:57,200 --> 00:15:00,240 Speaker 1: scary dates. We don't even want to try anymore because 262 00:15:00,360 --> 00:15:03,080 Speaker 1: we've been scared. There's some things that's like I'm uncomfortable. 263 00:15:03,400 --> 00:15:06,280 Speaker 1: But we're also coming out loud and saying these men 264 00:15:06,840 --> 00:15:09,240 Speaker 1: that you were talking about are toxic. They may come 265 00:15:09,240 --> 00:15:11,760 Speaker 1: off as cool, but they're not. So I am finding 266 00:15:11,800 --> 00:15:16,160 Speaker 1: the joy slash the positivity and that women are acknowledging 267 00:15:16,160 --> 00:15:19,360 Speaker 1: and finally coming to the point of like, oh my god, yeah, 268 00:15:19,400 --> 00:15:22,400 Speaker 1: that was a really toxic way of dating. That was gaslighting. 269 00:15:22,520 --> 00:15:25,040 Speaker 1: Like knowing these terms and being able to acknowledge what 270 00:15:25,120 --> 00:15:28,880 Speaker 1: that was, what type of date that was talking about. Oh, 271 00:15:29,040 --> 00:15:31,000 Speaker 1: it's a red flag when a dude comes here and 272 00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:33,480 Speaker 1: talks about how his ex girlfriend was quote unquote crazy, 273 00:15:33,960 --> 00:15:36,440 Speaker 1: and that's a red flag. Thank you for letting me 274 00:15:36,480 --> 00:15:38,600 Speaker 1: know and being able to connect with each other's on 275 00:15:38,640 --> 00:15:42,560 Speaker 1: social media like I love the west elm dude, do 276 00:15:42,600 --> 00:15:47,920 Speaker 1: you know what I'm talking about? Yeah, And then they 277 00:15:47,960 --> 00:15:51,840 Speaker 1: were able to share don't date this dude, west down 278 00:15:51,960 --> 00:15:55,480 Speaker 1: Caleb is bad. Like it was hilarious to see it unfold, 279 00:15:55,960 --> 00:15:58,800 Speaker 1: but it truly is like this is kind of a positive. Yes, 280 00:15:58,840 --> 00:16:00,680 Speaker 1: we're joking about it, but at the same time, it's 281 00:16:00,720 --> 00:16:03,880 Speaker 1: true we try to let women know and that whole 282 00:16:04,280 --> 00:16:08,200 Speaker 1: narrative of women against women are slowly at least like darkening, 283 00:16:08,320 --> 00:16:09,840 Speaker 1: and we were able to see the light of it. 284 00:16:09,880 --> 00:16:12,520 Speaker 1: I'll be like, huh, that's not a good thing. And 285 00:16:12,560 --> 00:16:14,400 Speaker 1: then you should be supporting each other. So that is 286 00:16:14,400 --> 00:16:16,520 Speaker 1: a positive. But also why I think that we're a 287 00:16:16,560 --> 00:16:19,120 Speaker 1: little more cautious and dating because we are sharing with 288 00:16:19,160 --> 00:16:22,000 Speaker 1: each other. This is a red flag. This dude is 289 00:16:22,040 --> 00:16:25,880 Speaker 1: a red flag. Watch out for this, Yes, And I 290 00:16:25,880 --> 00:16:28,280 Speaker 1: think I think that's a positive sign as well. And 291 00:16:28,280 --> 00:16:30,720 Speaker 1: I think that even were that we're having this conversation 292 00:16:30,840 --> 00:16:36,000 Speaker 1: of you know, bad dates that we've had with presumably 293 00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:40,800 Speaker 1: mostly men in this particular conversation, but it does make 294 00:16:40,800 --> 00:16:45,520 Speaker 1: me sad because I had one friend who sent me 295 00:16:46,480 --> 00:16:49,320 Speaker 1: a list of her like bad dates and I was like, oh, 296 00:16:49,360 --> 00:16:51,160 Speaker 1: I'm thinking about do you know, maybe do an episode 297 00:16:51,160 --> 00:16:52,680 Speaker 1: on this, and she's like, well, you should probably know. 298 00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:57,600 Speaker 1: Ultimately they ended in these really horrific ways, like it 299 00:16:57,720 --> 00:17:02,640 Speaker 1: was funny but then right horrifically, and she said, she said, 300 00:17:03,160 --> 00:17:05,879 Speaker 1: but I've learned a lot. That just broke my heart, 301 00:17:05,960 --> 00:17:12,080 Speaker 1: Like you shouldn't. There should not be a situation where 302 00:17:12,080 --> 00:17:17,200 Speaker 1: we're talking about women and marginalized people. You have to learn, 303 00:17:17,440 --> 00:17:19,679 Speaker 1: like that's the lesson, that's just a part of it. 304 00:17:19,720 --> 00:17:22,439 Speaker 1: And I felt that too. I thought that, and I 305 00:17:22,480 --> 00:17:26,080 Speaker 1: have felt that, and I hate that. I think that's awful. 306 00:17:26,520 --> 00:17:30,560 Speaker 1: I do too. Recently, I just saw, my god, my 307 00:17:30,640 --> 00:17:34,560 Speaker 1: references in TikTok is overwhelming. But that is my thing now. 308 00:17:35,119 --> 00:17:39,320 Speaker 1: A conversation in which this dude, very much, you're burly, 309 00:17:39,440 --> 00:17:42,440 Speaker 1: I live in the mountains, aren't I cool? Fifty something 310 00:17:42,520 --> 00:17:46,680 Speaker 1: year old man yelling at another dude who was doing 311 00:17:46,680 --> 00:17:48,520 Speaker 1: some of the work say like, these are the things 312 00:17:48,600 --> 00:17:50,520 Speaker 1: that women have to look out for, and these are 313 00:17:50,520 --> 00:17:52,119 Speaker 1: the things that we should change his men. So I 314 00:17:52,160 --> 00:17:54,720 Speaker 1: love that content, right, But the dude was like, hey, man, 315 00:17:54,880 --> 00:17:58,120 Speaker 1: you're making this worse. You're kind of the CRT argument, 316 00:17:58,119 --> 00:18:01,160 Speaker 1: which we should talk about later, not this episode. Uh 317 00:18:01,400 --> 00:18:03,960 Speaker 1: says you know, you're teaching women to be afraid of men. 318 00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:06,240 Speaker 1: You're telling people to be afraid. And then he was 319 00:18:06,320 --> 00:18:09,520 Speaker 1: like you know, the dude who was a good ally 320 00:18:09,560 --> 00:18:13,040 Speaker 1: and listener. I was like, no, no, dude, that's that's wrong. 321 00:18:13,200 --> 00:18:16,040 Speaker 1: This is why you're wrong, and trying to correct me, like, no, 322 00:18:16,320 --> 00:18:19,439 Speaker 1: women are not taught to be scared because we're telling 323 00:18:19,480 --> 00:18:22,200 Speaker 1: them something new is not something new. They've taught this 324 00:18:22,520 --> 00:18:24,960 Speaker 1: and learned us throughout the years and have to advise 325 00:18:25,000 --> 00:18:27,840 Speaker 1: each other to protect themselves. And if we were truly men, 326 00:18:28,000 --> 00:18:31,080 Speaker 1: like you're saying that we are men as quote unquote protectors, 327 00:18:31,640 --> 00:18:34,760 Speaker 1: we wouldn't have to have this conversation. Also, by the way, 328 00:18:34,920 --> 00:18:40,760 Speaker 1: what we're protecting women from our men? Right, So like 329 00:18:40,960 --> 00:18:43,520 Speaker 1: both of those conversations and I'm like, yeah, exactly, Like 330 00:18:43,600 --> 00:18:49,920 Speaker 1: this conversation is that we are afraid of men, especially 331 00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:52,840 Speaker 1: when we're talking about this in very heteronormative sis conversation, 332 00:18:55,200 --> 00:18:58,719 Speaker 1: and therefore have learned lessons on how to protect ourselves 333 00:18:59,280 --> 00:19:02,919 Speaker 1: from men. When we're not able to fully protect ourselves 334 00:19:02,960 --> 00:19:05,199 Speaker 1: and try to get justice, we are told it is 335 00:19:05,240 --> 00:19:08,960 Speaker 1: our fault because we have not learned lessons and protecting 336 00:19:09,160 --> 00:19:13,639 Speaker 1: ourselves from men. So I found this whole narrative and 337 00:19:13,760 --> 00:19:16,159 Speaker 1: very interesting, and I'm like, yeah, this is cyclical. We 338 00:19:16,200 --> 00:19:20,640 Speaker 1: need to come back to what the problem is men. 339 00:19:21,400 --> 00:19:23,840 Speaker 1: And I get it not all men. I don't give me, 340 00:19:24,080 --> 00:19:27,119 Speaker 1: I don't give. I don't give any kind of flying whatsoever. 341 00:19:27,320 --> 00:19:29,399 Speaker 1: Stick it up your ass, don't care. That's how I 342 00:19:29,400 --> 00:19:32,919 Speaker 1: feel about this when we had this conversation. What it 343 00:19:32,960 --> 00:19:36,119 Speaker 1: comes down to is women who date men are afraid 344 00:19:36,160 --> 00:19:38,119 Speaker 1: of men because of the situations that they have been 345 00:19:38,160 --> 00:19:41,480 Speaker 1: put by men. And therefore, when we try to protect 346 00:19:41,520 --> 00:19:43,960 Speaker 1: ourselves or at least get our justice, we are being 347 00:19:44,000 --> 00:19:46,760 Speaker 1: told that we're not being womanly enough in order to 348 00:19:46,840 --> 00:19:49,000 Speaker 1: let the men have what they want even if we 349 00:19:49,040 --> 00:19:50,920 Speaker 1: are in fear, and that they are the ones that 350 00:19:50,960 --> 00:19:52,600 Speaker 1: will protect us to let us know when we should 351 00:19:52,640 --> 00:20:01,840 Speaker 1: be fearful, as told by the patriarchy, which again is well, yes, yes, agreed, agreed, agreed, 352 00:20:01,960 --> 00:20:05,760 Speaker 1: and and it's so many of the things that I 353 00:20:05,880 --> 00:20:10,440 Speaker 1: heard from people was like very victim blaming to themselves, 354 00:20:10,520 --> 00:20:13,840 Speaker 1: like I shouldn't have done this, I should have known better. 355 00:20:14,600 --> 00:20:17,640 Speaker 1: But I'm like, this is still And I asked, who 356 00:20:17,640 --> 00:20:20,400 Speaker 1: thought he could do this to you? And that was okay, Right. 357 00:20:21,160 --> 00:20:24,040 Speaker 1: That's the part that hurts me the most in these 358 00:20:24,080 --> 00:20:30,000 Speaker 1: conversations is they always interject in telling their stories with 359 00:20:30,240 --> 00:20:31,879 Speaker 1: I shouldn't have done this. I know, I shouldn't have 360 00:20:31,920 --> 00:20:33,840 Speaker 1: warned this, I shouldn't have said this, I shouldn't have gone. 361 00:20:33,840 --> 00:20:37,600 Speaker 1: I shouldn't even done this, whether it's being alone with them, 362 00:20:37,600 --> 00:20:40,439 Speaker 1: whether it's assuming that you could walk down the street 363 00:20:40,480 --> 00:20:44,760 Speaker 1: alone with them, whether it's saying goodbye yeah and not 364 00:20:44,920 --> 00:20:48,080 Speaker 1: trying to be nice and being told if I'm not nice, 365 00:20:48,320 --> 00:20:51,000 Speaker 1: then I'm a bit and I don't want to be 366 00:20:51,040 --> 00:20:54,760 Speaker 1: seen as a bit or. And and you and I 367 00:20:54,800 --> 00:20:59,040 Speaker 1: have talked about this, engaging in a sexual activity that 368 00:20:59,080 --> 00:21:03,720 Speaker 1: you did not want to right, because they will not leave. Um, 369 00:21:03,760 --> 00:21:07,680 Speaker 1: are you're afraid of violence which is not consent? Right? 370 00:21:08,920 --> 00:21:15,760 Speaker 1: Are you just given? After saying no so many times? Yes, yes? Oh? 371 00:21:15,920 --> 00:21:17,960 Speaker 1: It makes me so mad, Like if this is what 372 00:21:18,080 --> 00:21:23,359 Speaker 1: dating is. We've got to much work to do, we 373 00:21:23,480 --> 00:21:26,520 Speaker 1: have so much to do, and we have gone down 374 00:21:26,560 --> 00:21:29,439 Speaker 1: that dark road. But once again, I do want to 375 00:21:29,480 --> 00:21:32,280 Speaker 1: come back into this positivity. And like, even though your 376 00:21:32,359 --> 00:21:36,639 Speaker 1: friend has gone through so many bad situations to things, 377 00:21:37,560 --> 00:21:41,199 Speaker 1: she has not given in and just settled And I 378 00:21:41,240 --> 00:21:44,840 Speaker 1: love that. And also she's still trying, which is to 379 00:21:45,160 --> 00:21:49,199 Speaker 1: me the biggest strength I can see because I have 380 00:21:49,240 --> 00:21:52,000 Speaker 1: a good friend of mine as well, um, and she's 381 00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:54,440 Speaker 1: a lesbian and she's been dating and dating and dating. 382 00:21:54,480 --> 00:21:57,440 Speaker 1: She doesn't have this same horrific but just not finding 383 00:21:57,680 --> 00:22:00,360 Speaker 1: someone who is compatible to her, and she has gone 384 00:22:00,400 --> 00:22:02,440 Speaker 1: on so many days and she's so hopeful and she's 385 00:22:02,440 --> 00:22:04,560 Speaker 1: so beautiful, and I'm like, how do you do this? 386 00:22:04,720 --> 00:22:07,000 Speaker 1: And she's just like, I think it's still I think 387 00:22:07,040 --> 00:22:09,359 Speaker 1: I'll find someone. I think it'll be okay. I really 388 00:22:09,440 --> 00:22:12,199 Speaker 1: hope that happens. I believe that for her because she 389 00:22:12,240 --> 00:22:16,520 Speaker 1: believes that and she deserves it, yeah, point blank, and 390 00:22:16,880 --> 00:22:20,800 Speaker 1: is an amazing person and deserves that happiness. But that's 391 00:22:20,800 --> 00:22:28,640 Speaker 1: exactly like I admire people's hopefulness in this darkness. Yeah, 392 00:22:28,720 --> 00:22:31,119 Speaker 1: And I say darkness very blankly because I again like 393 00:22:31,160 --> 00:22:34,640 Speaker 1: I said, if this were to win, my partnership is over. 394 00:22:34,800 --> 00:22:39,280 Speaker 1: I'm done. I'm done. I'm going to get two more dogs. Yeah, 395 00:22:39,320 --> 00:22:41,880 Speaker 1: And I think that's been another part of it that's 396 00:22:41,880 --> 00:22:44,840 Speaker 1: been kind of heartbreaking for me. And I know we're 397 00:22:44,840 --> 00:22:47,520 Speaker 1: going to revisit an upcoming happy hour that's going to 398 00:22:47,600 --> 00:22:49,840 Speaker 1: be mostly Star Wars based, of course, of course, and 399 00:22:49,920 --> 00:22:54,080 Speaker 1: fan fiction based, but actually, like a few Sex and 400 00:22:54,119 --> 00:22:56,720 Speaker 1: the City episodes I've seen, I often think of the 401 00:22:57,000 --> 00:22:58,920 Speaker 1: one of the ones I saw was I don't really 402 00:22:58,920 --> 00:23:02,520 Speaker 1: remember the context, but Charlotte was saying in an event 403 00:23:02,640 --> 00:23:05,600 Speaker 1: like I'm trying to find nick, I can't find someone. 404 00:23:05,600 --> 00:23:07,840 Speaker 1: I'm trying to find someone in the person at the 405 00:23:07,880 --> 00:23:10,080 Speaker 1: event said you need to put yourself out there, and 406 00:23:10,200 --> 00:23:13,240 Speaker 1: carry said, oh, she she's out there, like she has 407 00:23:13,280 --> 00:23:16,159 Speaker 1: put herself out there. Wait have we seen that episode yet? No? 408 00:23:16,520 --> 00:23:18,960 Speaker 1: This is when I've seen. This is when I've seen 409 00:23:19,119 --> 00:23:21,920 Speaker 1: like one of the three that I've seen, And I 410 00:23:22,000 --> 00:23:23,959 Speaker 1: think about that often, and I think about that with 411 00:23:24,000 --> 00:23:30,760 Speaker 1: my friend, where I'm like, to me, it's not very important. 412 00:23:31,320 --> 00:23:33,879 Speaker 1: So sometimes I feel like I can be like I 413 00:23:33,880 --> 00:23:35,919 Speaker 1: don't think cold is the right word, but kind of 414 00:23:35,960 --> 00:23:41,320 Speaker 1: just like um, but to her, this is so important, 415 00:23:41,400 --> 00:23:44,160 Speaker 1: like finding somebody, and she really wants that, and this 416 00:23:44,240 --> 00:23:48,320 Speaker 1: is the situation she has to deal with. Right, just 417 00:23:48,520 --> 00:23:52,280 Speaker 1: really upsets me. Right, I agreed. I think that that's 418 00:23:53,200 --> 00:23:55,400 Speaker 1: that's someone that the conversations you know that we've had 419 00:23:56,440 --> 00:24:01,520 Speaker 1: my friends who are seeking, Really, do you feel like 420 00:24:01,560 --> 00:24:05,600 Speaker 1: there's a part of the missing and whatever else. I 421 00:24:05,680 --> 00:24:09,480 Speaker 1: may think as a person, as a woman, as any 422 00:24:09,520 --> 00:24:12,960 Speaker 1: of these things, her feelings are valid, and if that's 423 00:24:12,960 --> 00:24:16,280 Speaker 1: what she feels, then okay, I will support her, m 424 00:24:16,480 --> 00:24:19,280 Speaker 1: h and hope for the best for her. And if 425 00:24:19,320 --> 00:24:21,320 Speaker 1: I find someone, I'm like, hey, I've got you someone, 426 00:24:21,359 --> 00:24:24,639 Speaker 1: I will be that person because that's what she wants. 427 00:24:24,680 --> 00:24:27,800 Speaker 1: And that's okay. Once again, any of these things. So 428 00:24:27,880 --> 00:24:34,440 Speaker 1: as as you and I are happy in our womanhood, selfness, individualness, 429 00:24:35,000 --> 00:24:36,960 Speaker 1: I would not. I can't say I'm single. I'm not single, 430 00:24:37,320 --> 00:24:41,040 Speaker 1: but in my selfness I am happy either way. I 431 00:24:41,040 --> 00:24:44,720 Speaker 1: would never say that everyone wants that. Um As In fact, 432 00:24:44,760 --> 00:24:48,040 Speaker 1: I had this conversation with my knees, my beautiful niece Gracie. 433 00:24:48,040 --> 00:24:51,199 Speaker 1: Hello again, I keep shouting around, don't I, But she 434 00:24:51,320 --> 00:24:54,080 Speaker 1: and I just recently had this whole conversation about dating, 435 00:24:54,359 --> 00:24:56,680 Speaker 1: and she was like, you know, I dated a lot 436 00:24:56,840 --> 00:24:59,199 Speaker 1: and she just graduated college. She's a young un I 437 00:24:59,240 --> 00:25:00,920 Speaker 1: love her to death. I love her, lover her lover. 438 00:25:01,480 --> 00:25:03,760 Speaker 1: And she was like, I think I'm done. I've dated 439 00:25:03,800 --> 00:25:06,920 Speaker 1: a lot through my college and through my high school years. 440 00:25:06,920 --> 00:25:08,359 Speaker 1: I feel like I've gotten that out of the way 441 00:25:08,480 --> 00:25:10,760 Speaker 1: and now I'm happy to be here. And I'm like, 442 00:25:10,800 --> 00:25:13,840 Speaker 1: you know what, I love that for you. I love 443 00:25:13,920 --> 00:25:16,800 Speaker 1: that for you. It took me till twenty three to 444 00:25:16,840 --> 00:25:19,600 Speaker 1: start dating, twenty two to start dating, and then I 445 00:25:19,600 --> 00:25:23,080 Speaker 1: almost quit twenty seven. M it's a little older than her, 446 00:25:23,119 --> 00:25:24,600 Speaker 1: so I think I went through my face because I 447 00:25:24,640 --> 00:25:26,240 Speaker 1: was like, oh, this is happy, fun, fun fun. I'm 448 00:25:26,240 --> 00:25:29,359 Speaker 1: over it. But yeah, she she is kind of getting 449 00:25:29,400 --> 00:25:32,240 Speaker 1: to that point as well, and watching her friends dating, 450 00:25:32,440 --> 00:25:36,000 Speaker 1: dating around and she's adorable by the way she's newly 451 00:25:36,080 --> 00:25:39,479 Speaker 1: single and like out there figuring out her life and 452 00:25:39,520 --> 00:25:42,520 Speaker 1: I love that for her and trying to find herself 453 00:25:42,640 --> 00:25:46,200 Speaker 1: and like she's now finding herself as independent. How long 454 00:25:46,200 --> 00:25:48,680 Speaker 1: that'll last, we don't know. And if she does change 455 00:25:48,720 --> 00:25:51,960 Speaker 1: her mind, that's beautiful too, and that's what we got 456 00:25:51,960 --> 00:25:58,280 Speaker 1: to look at. Yeah, yeah, it's it's funny. Because people 457 00:25:58,320 --> 00:26:01,120 Speaker 1: have asked me for advice on relations ships, and it's 458 00:26:01,119 --> 00:26:03,480 Speaker 1: funny to me because I'm kind of learning I don't 459 00:26:03,680 --> 00:26:07,840 Speaker 1: ask me for advice. I think it's smart. I don't 460 00:26:07,840 --> 00:26:12,040 Speaker 1: know about that. They don't, and it's okay. I would 461 00:26:12,080 --> 00:26:15,320 Speaker 1: say the same about me. But I think where I've 462 00:26:15,320 --> 00:26:21,280 Speaker 1: always landed is personally, I'm somebody who's not looking. But 463 00:26:21,400 --> 00:26:24,439 Speaker 1: if it happened to come my way, I'd be open, 464 00:26:24,600 --> 00:26:28,639 Speaker 1: you know, like, yeah, I don't. It's not something that 465 00:26:28,680 --> 00:26:30,760 Speaker 1: it like occupies my brain, as I know it does 466 00:26:30,800 --> 00:26:32,960 Speaker 1: for some of my friends, and I'm not judging that 467 00:26:33,040 --> 00:26:35,760 Speaker 1: at all, but also like i'd be open to it 468 00:26:35,840 --> 00:26:38,280 Speaker 1: if I happen to be I think this could work. 469 00:26:39,000 --> 00:26:41,760 Speaker 1: That's sort of where I am. Yeah, the natural beds, 470 00:26:41,800 --> 00:26:45,399 Speaker 1: and I know we talked a lot about individual hood 471 00:26:45,720 --> 00:26:47,920 Speaker 1: because again, like I said, I'm not single, so I 472 00:26:47,960 --> 00:26:51,359 Speaker 1: can't say singleness. We will also have a conversation about 473 00:26:51,440 --> 00:26:54,920 Speaker 1: happy marriages and happy, happy togetherness, so I don't think 474 00:26:54,920 --> 00:26:57,919 Speaker 1: we're one sided on this level. Like I said, I 475 00:26:57,960 --> 00:27:00,280 Speaker 1: am in a couple hood. I often tell any that 476 00:27:00,280 --> 00:27:02,760 Speaker 1: we're in a throuble. As my partner said, because you 477 00:27:02,880 --> 00:27:05,320 Speaker 1: came over for our Valentine's Days, Like it's like you 478 00:27:05,359 --> 00:27:09,240 Speaker 1: two are in a relationship. Just look at him, yep, 479 00:27:09,560 --> 00:27:14,399 Speaker 1: and just moved on. So I mean that's the thing 480 00:27:14,440 --> 00:27:17,280 Speaker 1: part of this conversation too, is relationships can look different ways. 481 00:27:17,880 --> 00:27:20,080 Speaker 1: It doesn't have to be this one way. But he 482 00:27:20,200 --> 00:27:21,920 Speaker 1: is as happy as I am in this and that 483 00:27:22,000 --> 00:27:25,680 Speaker 1: level of like commandre that we have as a group. 484 00:27:26,359 --> 00:27:29,359 Speaker 1: Because that sounded very like one sided, it's not, and 485 00:27:29,400 --> 00:27:32,000 Speaker 1: there's nothing necessarily romantic or sexual about it. But it's 486 00:27:32,080 --> 00:27:35,479 Speaker 1: beautiful and it's a relationship and I love this. Yeah, 487 00:27:36,359 --> 00:27:39,760 Speaker 1: I say, I'm happy with that me too. And I 488 00:27:39,800 --> 00:27:43,000 Speaker 1: think that's a key point that I'm hearing, Like when 489 00:27:43,000 --> 00:27:45,840 Speaker 1: we joke about the compound commune that I know some 490 00:27:45,920 --> 00:27:48,879 Speaker 1: of you have written in about it, it's touching on 491 00:27:48,920 --> 00:27:52,240 Speaker 1: what we're talking about though, wherein we have these relationships 492 00:27:52,240 --> 00:27:55,680 Speaker 1: where we feel safe and comfortable and known with other 493 00:27:55,920 --> 00:28:01,240 Speaker 1: women are just friends, and that's I see more and 494 00:28:01,280 --> 00:28:05,399 Speaker 1: more women turning that way, and it's unfortunate in this 495 00:28:05,520 --> 00:28:11,280 Speaker 1: sense that yes, this is a toxic dating soup, heteronormative 496 00:28:11,880 --> 00:28:17,119 Speaker 1: dating soup, and I don't want because I want people 497 00:28:17,160 --> 00:28:20,840 Speaker 1: to be happy and find you know, whoever it is, 498 00:28:21,960 --> 00:28:23,399 Speaker 1: but I have so many friends who are like you 499 00:28:23,400 --> 00:28:28,800 Speaker 1: know what, I got my good lady friends, so that's fine. 500 00:28:28,920 --> 00:28:32,400 Speaker 1: We can just be together absolutely, like my whole thing 501 00:28:32,480 --> 00:28:36,320 Speaker 1: has been. Again, we've talked about this before, I'll reiterate 502 00:28:36,720 --> 00:28:39,880 Speaker 1: because our age group, and I'm putting you with my 503 00:28:39,920 --> 00:28:41,760 Speaker 1: age group, even though we're not of the same generation. 504 00:28:41,760 --> 00:28:46,040 Speaker 1: It's okay that we have come to the point where 505 00:28:46,680 --> 00:28:51,400 Speaker 1: family slash children slash couplehood is not always what is 506 00:28:51,480 --> 00:28:54,800 Speaker 1: perfect or the main relationship for us and our goals, 507 00:28:55,080 --> 00:28:59,280 Speaker 1: and that has changed vastly. My mom, whom I love, 508 00:28:59,360 --> 00:29:02,880 Speaker 1: got married at a very very very young age, and 509 00:29:02,960 --> 00:29:06,760 Speaker 1: her only friend literally were her children and her husband 510 00:29:06,800 --> 00:29:10,000 Speaker 1: for a little while, and then she finally reconnected after 511 00:29:10,160 --> 00:29:12,440 Speaker 1: some of her children left. Several of our children left 512 00:29:12,640 --> 00:29:15,360 Speaker 1: to her own sister, which they were always close, but 513 00:29:15,400 --> 00:29:18,160 Speaker 1: they just just didn't have a time obviously, as she 514 00:29:18,200 --> 00:29:20,160 Speaker 1: had so many children and was young trying to care 515 00:29:20,200 --> 00:29:22,280 Speaker 1: for her family. And then it came to the point 516 00:29:22,320 --> 00:29:24,880 Speaker 1: that she ended up having another close relationship with her 517 00:29:25,240 --> 00:29:28,440 Speaker 1: and is now a part of this giant lady's Bible study. 518 00:29:28,880 --> 00:29:31,640 Speaker 1: That's a whole different conversation, but she has a group 519 00:29:31,760 --> 00:29:33,840 Speaker 1: she has a group of friends that she sees outside 520 00:29:33,840 --> 00:29:35,760 Speaker 1: of her husband, and because her children are alone no 521 00:29:35,800 --> 00:29:39,800 Speaker 1: longer there and she's no longer the caregivers to raising children, 522 00:29:40,360 --> 00:29:43,040 Speaker 1: her relationship has changed. But it took a long time 523 00:29:43,520 --> 00:29:45,680 Speaker 1: to be able to get to that point because her 524 00:29:45,720 --> 00:29:48,920 Speaker 1: focus was her family and that's what she wanted because 525 00:29:48,920 --> 00:29:51,280 Speaker 1: her family life was difficult growing up, and then she 526 00:29:51,360 --> 00:29:53,560 Speaker 1: kind of created one that she wanted of her own 527 00:29:54,120 --> 00:29:56,520 Speaker 1: and it did. It wasn't wonderful, but it was pretty 528 00:29:56,520 --> 00:29:59,600 Speaker 1: close to what she had envisioned. Her my sister are 529 00:29:59,760 --> 00:30:02,560 Speaker 1: very very close. She would talk about how they are 530 00:30:02,600 --> 00:30:05,080 Speaker 1: best friends, and they really were, and then I came 531 00:30:05,120 --> 00:30:08,000 Speaker 1: in with all of my issues and could not connect 532 00:30:08,000 --> 00:30:11,080 Speaker 1: to her, and she couldn't figure out why because she 533 00:30:11,120 --> 00:30:15,120 Speaker 1: desperately had a fantasy of our relationship. It wasn't happening. 534 00:30:15,680 --> 00:30:18,480 Speaker 1: But all that kind of broke away for her when 535 00:30:18,520 --> 00:30:21,000 Speaker 1: my sister got married and left and started her own family, 536 00:30:21,080 --> 00:30:24,479 Speaker 1: so she started to reevaluate that friendship group that she 537 00:30:24,560 --> 00:30:28,120 Speaker 1: didn't have. And I really think that's the difference is 538 00:30:28,160 --> 00:30:29,960 Speaker 1: that I have come to the point that I was like, 539 00:30:30,000 --> 00:30:32,200 Speaker 1: I have not been married. Marriage is not my goal 540 00:30:32,240 --> 00:30:35,479 Speaker 1: in life, as in fact, even at forty something, marriage 541 00:30:35,480 --> 00:30:37,360 Speaker 1: is frightening to me. I'm like, why, what's the purpose, 542 00:30:37,360 --> 00:30:40,360 Speaker 1: what's the point. I'm very happy and established where I am. 543 00:30:40,600 --> 00:30:42,760 Speaker 1: If I have someone to share my life, that's wonderful, 544 00:30:43,080 --> 00:30:45,080 Speaker 1: but it doesn't need to be on paper or a name, 545 00:30:45,240 --> 00:30:50,160 Speaker 1: or in monetary sharing or any of that. Because I 546 00:30:50,280 --> 00:30:53,200 Speaker 1: also am very happy in my friend group. Again, this 547 00:30:53,240 --> 00:30:55,280 Speaker 1: may have something to do in the reactive attachment disorder. 548 00:30:55,320 --> 00:30:58,120 Speaker 1: That's a whole different conversation, which I don't trust parental figures, 549 00:30:58,200 --> 00:31:03,120 Speaker 1: a couple of figures, male species in general, Like I'm 550 00:31:03,120 --> 00:31:05,360 Speaker 1: gonna put that out there because I was very traumatized 551 00:31:05,400 --> 00:31:09,760 Speaker 1: by men in general. So therefore I trust women, and 552 00:31:09,800 --> 00:31:13,600 Speaker 1: I trust women in my friend group explicitly for the 553 00:31:13,680 --> 00:31:16,360 Speaker 1: longest time, and I valued that as my family. And 554 00:31:16,400 --> 00:31:19,920 Speaker 1: I'm sure so many of y'all understand that agree with that, 555 00:31:20,280 --> 00:31:24,800 Speaker 1: because there's something to that familiarity of growing together. Of course, 556 00:31:24,880 --> 00:31:28,640 Speaker 1: there's some things that are the stereotypical things that have 557 00:31:28,760 --> 00:31:31,040 Speaker 1: happened in relationships and we've had to grow out of 558 00:31:31,240 --> 00:31:34,160 Speaker 1: because we realized, hey, this is the patriarch, try to 559 00:31:34,200 --> 00:31:36,720 Speaker 1: keep us down. Let's not play into this anymore. And 560 00:31:36,760 --> 00:31:40,640 Speaker 1: once we discovered that I found this established group which 561 00:31:40,720 --> 00:31:43,600 Speaker 1: are and our focus was different. Our focus was different 562 00:31:43,640 --> 00:31:47,040 Speaker 1: from our mothers, from our parents, from our grandparents, and 563 00:31:47,280 --> 00:31:51,680 Speaker 1: and learning that I don't necessarily want children and that's okay, 564 00:31:51,800 --> 00:31:55,480 Speaker 1: I don't necessarily want your nuclear family, which, by the way, 565 00:31:55,480 --> 00:31:59,680 Speaker 1: I just saw an article about how that has become unpopular. Now, 566 00:32:00,360 --> 00:32:05,360 Speaker 1: oh really, Yeah, so that's a whole different conversation. And 567 00:32:05,400 --> 00:32:09,800 Speaker 1: the fact that we have chosen to establish ourselves as 568 00:32:10,120 --> 00:32:13,680 Speaker 1: people as individuals, and when I say we, I mean 569 00:32:13,800 --> 00:32:18,240 Speaker 1: women and folks who identify as women. That's what we 570 00:32:18,320 --> 00:32:23,080 Speaker 1: are looking at today is to actually be okay and 571 00:32:23,200 --> 00:32:40,080 Speaker 1: being happy in ourselves for ourselves. One of the things 572 00:32:40,160 --> 00:32:42,800 Speaker 1: that we're kind of skirting around. We're talking about it, 573 00:32:42,840 --> 00:32:45,160 Speaker 1: but we can't go in depth on it in this 574 00:32:45,240 --> 00:32:50,840 Speaker 1: particular episode. But is this kind of what we talked 575 00:32:50,840 --> 00:32:53,960 Speaker 1: about in deb cod Like there's their ranged marriage trope, 576 00:32:53,960 --> 00:32:56,880 Speaker 1: Like we realized there is a gender and balance at play, 577 00:32:57,880 --> 00:33:04,600 Speaker 1: and so a lots of women are opting out again 578 00:33:05,120 --> 00:33:11,120 Speaker 1: because it is and has been historically skewed towards benefiting 579 00:33:11,160 --> 00:33:14,520 Speaker 1: men more and not like financially, but also just like 580 00:33:14,600 --> 00:33:18,040 Speaker 1: who's doing that the childcare and like all those things. 581 00:33:18,560 --> 00:33:22,400 Speaker 1: And so it's been interesting with my mom because her 582 00:33:22,480 --> 00:33:26,040 Speaker 1: husband died and hearing her talk about like I've just 583 00:33:26,960 --> 00:33:28,560 Speaker 1: I don't want to date anymore. I don't want to 584 00:33:28,600 --> 00:33:31,400 Speaker 1: date anybody ever again because it's nice to just think 585 00:33:31,440 --> 00:33:34,840 Speaker 1: about me, which sounds selfish, but she took her her 586 00:33:34,840 --> 00:33:42,360 Speaker 1: whole life was about exactly. But I think she feels 587 00:33:42,360 --> 00:33:45,960 Speaker 1: guilty about it, like, no, you're you spent your whole 588 00:33:46,040 --> 00:33:51,920 Speaker 1: life thinking about other people. Take your do your puzzle. 589 00:33:52,000 --> 00:33:56,160 Speaker 1: She loves puzzles. Okay, I still say your mom and 590 00:33:56,200 --> 00:33:57,600 Speaker 1: I need to hang out because we would just blew 591 00:33:57,640 --> 00:34:01,120 Speaker 1: puzzles and she's awesome. But yeah, and that's this is 592 00:34:01,120 --> 00:34:02,680 Speaker 1: the thing I will say. I think this is the 593 00:34:02,720 --> 00:34:05,760 Speaker 1: other part to that is the reason we're talking about 594 00:34:05,800 --> 00:34:08,040 Speaker 1: all of this. We are talking about bad days and 595 00:34:08,040 --> 00:34:10,360 Speaker 1: bad experiences, and yes, we promised we are going to 596 00:34:10,440 --> 00:34:14,080 Speaker 1: share some and I hope y'all will respond and share 597 00:34:14,120 --> 00:34:16,600 Speaker 1: some about your stories with us, because we do want 598 00:34:16,640 --> 00:34:19,399 Speaker 1: to hear I try to do this on Twitter, y'all 599 00:34:19,440 --> 00:34:21,319 Speaker 1: let me know, do you'll if you're on Twitter, do 600 00:34:21,360 --> 00:34:23,239 Speaker 1: you see our stuff? Because I have a feeling we've 601 00:34:23,320 --> 00:34:26,000 Speaker 1: been banned because we're not very good at Twitter. Let 602 00:34:26,040 --> 00:34:28,040 Speaker 1: us know if you ever see our stuff. We don't 603 00:34:28,040 --> 00:34:31,200 Speaker 1: post a lot. But I just wondered anyway, but did 604 00:34:31,239 --> 00:34:34,359 Speaker 1: I ever tell you this? So in my dating thing 605 00:34:34,520 --> 00:34:36,759 Speaker 1: and in my unit, I've talked about that, we had 606 00:34:36,800 --> 00:34:42,360 Speaker 1: both thought we would have babies at that point. We 607 00:34:42,360 --> 00:34:45,040 Speaker 1: would be in our nuclear family, We would be supporting 608 00:34:45,040 --> 00:34:47,880 Speaker 1: our husband's y'all. This is for real and be a 609 00:34:47,960 --> 00:34:50,880 Speaker 1: part of that family life that we are now I 610 00:34:50,920 --> 00:34:54,439 Speaker 1: am now so petrified of because I'm like, why is that? Nope, 611 00:34:54,480 --> 00:34:56,200 Speaker 1: I'm good. But people who do it are beautiful, by 612 00:34:56,200 --> 00:34:59,520 Speaker 1: the way. This is no shame a shade on them, 613 00:34:59,560 --> 00:35:02,360 Speaker 1: because I do love babies. I do love babies, and 614 00:35:02,400 --> 00:35:03,759 Speaker 1: then I give them back on what you're gonna have 615 00:35:03,760 --> 00:35:07,319 Speaker 1: it back. But the people who are a part of 616 00:35:07,320 --> 00:35:09,759 Speaker 1: that family, I love them and they are so beautiful. 617 00:35:10,440 --> 00:35:13,840 Speaker 1: We love y'all, moms. We do, We really do. But 618 00:35:14,040 --> 00:35:16,399 Speaker 1: all of that to say, when I was in this 619 00:35:16,440 --> 00:35:19,600 Speaker 1: world of I need to start dating, I actually kept 620 00:35:19,640 --> 00:35:22,520 Speaker 1: a log of my days. I tell you this, like 621 00:35:22,560 --> 00:35:27,600 Speaker 1: I started like a short story level uh, describing my dates. 622 00:35:28,120 --> 00:35:32,200 Speaker 1: Oh did I ever tell you that? No? Oh, dear though, 623 00:35:32,920 --> 00:35:36,600 Speaker 1: oh girl, And I will say Lanna has their own 624 00:35:37,200 --> 00:35:41,879 Speaker 1: uh west elm Caleb. I believe because my dating group 625 00:35:41,880 --> 00:35:44,200 Speaker 1: we all kind of talked about one dude, which is 626 00:35:44,320 --> 00:35:48,520 Speaker 1: quite funny. Um, I'm wonder, I mean, there has to 627 00:35:48,560 --> 00:35:50,680 Speaker 1: be so many of those, right, I actually have a 628 00:35:50,760 --> 00:35:54,200 Speaker 1: question about this. I yes, as I said, I've never 629 00:35:54,320 --> 00:35:57,600 Speaker 1: dated online. Is there I'm assuming there's a function where 630 00:35:57,600 --> 00:36:00,000 Speaker 1: you can be like, this person is terrible, get them 631 00:36:00,040 --> 00:36:04,120 Speaker 1: off of here? So the only function that you can 632 00:36:04,200 --> 00:36:08,399 Speaker 1: truly report no, Okay, see, I'm so I'm so out 633 00:36:08,480 --> 00:36:10,960 Speaker 1: because I have not been on a dating site for again, 634 00:36:11,080 --> 00:36:16,560 Speaker 1: twe seventeen was probably my last. I kind of want 635 00:36:16,560 --> 00:36:19,200 Speaker 1: to log in now. I just want to know my 636 00:36:19,320 --> 00:36:22,279 Speaker 1: last dates and at that point in time, and we've 637 00:36:22,280 --> 00:36:24,880 Speaker 1: talked about it before, because we've talked about Bumble, Bumble 638 00:36:25,000 --> 00:36:28,359 Speaker 1: was the only one that would actually ban people from 639 00:36:28,400 --> 00:36:32,759 Speaker 1: their site for harassment or dick pis. I don't know 640 00:36:32,760 --> 00:36:35,440 Speaker 1: if if policies have changed. We also know that Bumble 641 00:36:35,560 --> 00:36:40,400 Speaker 1: came after tenders creators split and the dude from Tinder 642 00:36:40,600 --> 00:36:44,000 Speaker 1: really went after the woman who helped create Bumble and 643 00:36:44,120 --> 00:36:49,080 Speaker 1: tender um gaslighting her, threatening her, harassing her, and then 644 00:36:49,120 --> 00:36:52,160 Speaker 1: she finally left filed a suit from them and created 645 00:36:52,200 --> 00:36:55,919 Speaker 1: Bumble on her own, which is a multimillion dollar side 646 00:36:55,960 --> 00:36:59,480 Speaker 1: as well, and it is based on women taking charge, 647 00:36:59,719 --> 00:37:02,040 Speaker 1: which still have a hard time with because I am 648 00:37:02,040 --> 00:37:07,000 Speaker 1: still really insecure. Um, I was very insecure on that. 649 00:37:07,480 --> 00:37:10,799 Speaker 1: So I think that was at that point in time. 650 00:37:11,280 --> 00:37:18,560 Speaker 1: Different sites had different UH stipulations, so and I don't 651 00:37:18,640 --> 00:37:22,240 Speaker 1: know how many exists today because I'm sure there's so many, 652 00:37:22,320 --> 00:37:25,319 Speaker 1: and I've told before. I remember Plenty of Fish was 653 00:37:25,440 --> 00:37:29,440 Speaker 1: so overwhelming, and it maybe because yes on Asian and 654 00:37:29,480 --> 00:37:34,640 Speaker 1: the amount of Asian fetishism within it was overwhelming. But 655 00:37:34,680 --> 00:37:37,919 Speaker 1: I remember I started one day because someone had told 656 00:37:37,920 --> 00:37:40,920 Speaker 1: me they had success. I opened up my own profile. 657 00:37:41,920 --> 00:37:45,120 Speaker 1: Within that day, I had, I want to say, like 658 00:37:45,239 --> 00:37:48,200 Speaker 1: over three hundred messages and I had never been so 659 00:37:48,360 --> 00:37:51,000 Speaker 1: overwhelmed in my life that I shut that down so 660 00:37:51,080 --> 00:37:55,160 Speaker 1: quickly and never got back on again. Obviously, he's they're 661 00:37:55,160 --> 00:37:58,600 Speaker 1: not a sponsor because they weren't as a sponsor Chinge 662 00:37:59,080 --> 00:38:02,839 Speaker 1: at one point. I'm who was a sponsor right at 663 00:38:02,880 --> 00:38:08,680 Speaker 1: that point, not sponsoring this show was overly complicated, and 664 00:38:08,719 --> 00:38:10,880 Speaker 1: I think I think they have changed since then, But 665 00:38:11,120 --> 00:38:14,439 Speaker 1: essentially was it hinged on whether or not you had 666 00:38:14,560 --> 00:38:18,280 Speaker 1: mutual friends, which I actually really did appreciate, but then 667 00:38:18,960 --> 00:38:21,359 Speaker 1: you started to understand a little more like, oh no, 668 00:38:21,560 --> 00:38:23,439 Speaker 1: I don't want to ask them normal on this dating 669 00:38:23,480 --> 00:38:26,759 Speaker 1: site because there was still that weird like, I don't 670 00:38:26,800 --> 00:38:29,520 Speaker 1: judge me for being on a dating site type of thing. 671 00:38:30,560 --> 00:38:33,360 Speaker 1: So Hinge was a little more like and so therefore 672 00:38:33,920 --> 00:38:35,680 Speaker 1: if you said not to too many, you just kind 673 00:38:35,680 --> 00:38:39,000 Speaker 1: of right out of people. I ran out of people. 674 00:38:40,000 --> 00:38:44,040 Speaker 1: Oh no, yea Hinge Tender scared me a lot because 675 00:38:44,160 --> 00:38:48,120 Speaker 1: it was known for the hookup site. I did date 676 00:38:48,239 --> 00:38:50,239 Speaker 1: one person. I think I went on one day with 677 00:38:50,320 --> 00:38:52,239 Speaker 1: him and it was a good date. Nothing came out 678 00:38:52,239 --> 00:38:55,520 Speaker 1: of it, so that was that bumble. I did made 679 00:38:55,520 --> 00:38:57,279 Speaker 1: a couple of people, but because I do not have 680 00:38:57,320 --> 00:38:59,799 Speaker 1: the self confidence to actually strike up a conversation and 681 00:38:59,840 --> 00:39:04,279 Speaker 1: be with the sure wasn't very successful. Although bumble and 682 00:39:04,280 --> 00:39:08,120 Speaker 1: I'm I'm assuming other sites had to had the option 683 00:39:08,200 --> 00:39:11,759 Speaker 1: to make friends and networking, so I did like that. Yeah, 684 00:39:11,760 --> 00:39:18,000 Speaker 1: I didn't really appreciate that. Again, women creators, but I 685 00:39:18,040 --> 00:39:22,400 Speaker 1: will say, okay, Cupid, which also was a sponsor, was 686 00:39:22,480 --> 00:39:24,480 Speaker 1: my favorite. And I did say this, this is not 687 00:39:24,520 --> 00:39:27,480 Speaker 1: a sponsored episode, even though they were a sponsor once 688 00:39:27,560 --> 00:39:31,279 Speaker 1: upon a time because the questions if I went to 689 00:39:31,400 --> 00:39:34,000 Speaker 1: and look at four specific questions that were very like 690 00:39:34,040 --> 00:39:37,000 Speaker 1: obviously racial, like one of the questions where would you 691 00:39:37,080 --> 00:39:40,239 Speaker 1: date outside of your race? That wasn't automatic? And and 692 00:39:40,239 --> 00:39:42,600 Speaker 1: if people who said yes to me like they picked 693 00:39:42,600 --> 00:39:44,800 Speaker 1: me as it said someone they liked, which it shows, 694 00:39:45,800 --> 00:39:49,840 Speaker 1: but said that said no on that what that meant 695 00:39:50,239 --> 00:39:54,600 Speaker 1: immediate block like things like they were asking heavy duty questions, 696 00:39:55,000 --> 00:39:58,520 Speaker 1: very specific questions. And I really appreciated those questionnaires because 697 00:39:58,600 --> 00:40:01,080 Speaker 1: I went looked it up and based on whether or 698 00:40:01,080 --> 00:40:04,440 Speaker 1: not we would match on those so so that all 699 00:40:04,440 --> 00:40:09,480 Speaker 1: of those sites are very very different. Yeah, it seems 700 00:40:09,520 --> 00:40:14,920 Speaker 1: exhausting to me, but again I understand some people have 701 00:40:14,920 --> 00:40:18,279 Speaker 1: told me it's like fun like a gametrition Did you 702 00:40:18,280 --> 00:40:22,480 Speaker 1: ever have you? Did you enjoy dating? Okay, so there 703 00:40:22,600 --> 00:40:24,759 Speaker 1: was a moment that I really did enjoy. There were 704 00:40:24,800 --> 00:40:28,880 Speaker 1: times that I really were was excited after the initial 705 00:40:28,960 --> 00:40:32,120 Speaker 1: day and I was connected with someone, It felt nice, 706 00:40:32,160 --> 00:40:36,360 Speaker 1: It felt good to be able to come together. You 707 00:40:36,480 --> 00:40:38,920 Speaker 1: kind of already knew our interests, so we already had 708 00:40:38,920 --> 00:40:42,319 Speaker 1: a common ground. And because I've only honestly, I've only 709 00:40:42,480 --> 00:40:44,960 Speaker 1: really dated off of dating sites. I went on one 710 00:40:45,000 --> 00:40:50,120 Speaker 1: blind date, never again. The partner I date I am 711 00:40:50,160 --> 00:40:53,160 Speaker 1: with today. We met because we're neighbors, so that was 712 00:40:53,280 --> 00:40:56,080 Speaker 1: also off of online. He's also the younger than me, 713 00:40:56,200 --> 00:40:59,040 Speaker 1: so would not have been in my pick because you 714 00:40:59,120 --> 00:41:02,160 Speaker 1: have to do an I'm very yeah, so we would 715 00:41:02,160 --> 00:41:06,920 Speaker 1: have never met on dating sites. That's interesting, But all 716 00:41:06,960 --> 00:41:10,160 Speaker 1: of that to say, I did enjoy those moments of 717 00:41:10,200 --> 00:41:12,920 Speaker 1: being able to have a conversation get to know people, like, 718 00:41:12,960 --> 00:41:15,040 Speaker 1: if it was fun, it was really fun. If it 719 00:41:15,080 --> 00:41:16,920 Speaker 1: wasn't fun, it was really bad, Like it was just 720 00:41:17,400 --> 00:41:21,279 Speaker 1: those There was really no middle ground I did go on. 721 00:41:22,920 --> 00:41:24,920 Speaker 1: I guess there was a middle ground, and that I 722 00:41:24,960 --> 00:41:26,719 Speaker 1: always tried to go on a second date with someone 723 00:41:26,760 --> 00:41:32,040 Speaker 1: that did immediately offend me, right because I didn't want 724 00:41:32,040 --> 00:41:41,840 Speaker 1: to be overly picky, but typically right, Okay, I feel 725 00:41:42,239 --> 00:41:46,080 Speaker 1: like for me, I've never enjoyed dating, but I did, 726 00:41:46,200 --> 00:41:49,400 Speaker 1: and this is a whole different conversation. I did enjoy 727 00:41:50,320 --> 00:41:55,040 Speaker 1: feeling like someone was attracted to me. I did enjoy 728 00:41:55,120 --> 00:41:59,800 Speaker 1: the thought that like people were interested men specifically, although 729 00:42:00,440 --> 00:42:05,640 Speaker 1: some women up in there um that I liked, But 730 00:42:05,760 --> 00:42:09,000 Speaker 1: I really didn't want to do the actual dating part. 731 00:42:09,040 --> 00:42:12,040 Speaker 1: Other than I like having fun with people. Fun dab 732 00:42:12,239 --> 00:42:14,800 Speaker 1: like for me is like literally, let's play a board 733 00:42:14,800 --> 00:42:18,680 Speaker 1: game or like fun. But you've had crushes, like legitimate 734 00:42:18,680 --> 00:42:23,480 Speaker 1: crushes on people to face? Yeah, yes, I crush hard actually, 735 00:42:24,040 --> 00:42:26,680 Speaker 1: but it's usually pretty like a bright flare and it 736 00:42:26,719 --> 00:42:30,759 Speaker 1: goes away pretty quickly. And I've had some that were 737 00:42:30,880 --> 00:42:33,680 Speaker 1: lasted longer. And I tried to envisualize, like what would 738 00:42:33,680 --> 00:42:37,160 Speaker 1: our relationship look like and would there be a physical 739 00:42:37,280 --> 00:42:40,200 Speaker 1: part to it? And it was very difficult for me 740 00:42:40,280 --> 00:42:42,719 Speaker 1: to envision, but I did like thinking about it. It 741 00:42:42,800 --> 00:42:47,839 Speaker 1: was kind of a fun day dream of what if, 742 00:42:47,960 --> 00:42:51,080 Speaker 1: what if it would work? Do you have a rush 743 00:42:51,120 --> 00:42:55,560 Speaker 1: today on anyone that we know, a real person? Yes, 744 00:42:56,880 --> 00:43:01,160 Speaker 1: a real person. I do not, but I will tell 745 00:43:01,239 --> 00:43:06,960 Speaker 1: you I've had them. I get him on. I just 746 00:43:07,160 --> 00:43:11,120 Speaker 1: like people. It's weird, like I I generally have had 747 00:43:11,160 --> 00:43:18,400 Speaker 1: a crush on almost everyone I don't know passes. Yes, 748 00:43:19,000 --> 00:43:20,960 Speaker 1: I just get I get like a huge crush. I'm like, 749 00:43:20,960 --> 00:43:22,600 Speaker 1: oh my my god, dude, I can't believe they're giving 750 00:43:22,600 --> 00:43:24,399 Speaker 1: me the time of jay. I love them so much. 751 00:43:24,400 --> 00:43:28,160 Speaker 1: I think they're the best, Like I get them and 752 00:43:28,160 --> 00:43:31,160 Speaker 1: and then they generally passed. But I do. I experience 753 00:43:31,200 --> 00:43:35,919 Speaker 1: crushes a lot. Actually, well, I love and admire you 754 00:43:36,080 --> 00:43:41,759 Speaker 1: in general. Yeah, time you too, My goodness. All right, So, 755 00:43:41,960 --> 00:43:45,280 Speaker 1: the original idea for this episode was to be a very, 756 00:43:45,320 --> 00:43:49,359 Speaker 1: as we said at the top, lightly research, fun conversational thing. 757 00:43:49,400 --> 00:43:51,680 Speaker 1: It turns out Samantha and I have a lot to 758 00:43:51,800 --> 00:43:54,640 Speaker 1: say about that. We've been through some things and we've 759 00:43:54,680 --> 00:43:59,439 Speaker 1: seen something apparently, have a lot of all of you, 760 00:43:59,520 --> 00:44:01,880 Speaker 1: I'm sure, and a lot of the people who contacted 761 00:44:01,960 --> 00:44:05,279 Speaker 1: us and told us their stories, and we just wanted 762 00:44:05,320 --> 00:44:07,960 Speaker 1: to give this the proper context because we understand that 763 00:44:09,120 --> 00:44:12,600 Speaker 1: bad date can mean a lot and what we meant 764 00:44:12,640 --> 00:44:15,000 Speaker 1: to go for with something very funny, but we can't 765 00:44:15,040 --> 00:44:21,040 Speaker 1: ignore that it's often not that for women. So with 766 00:44:21,120 --> 00:44:23,400 Speaker 1: that being said, originally we were just going to have 767 00:44:23,520 --> 00:44:26,600 Speaker 1: kind of like a brief thing about dating and then 768 00:44:26,640 --> 00:44:29,360 Speaker 1: a conversation about bad dates. We haven't gotten to that 769 00:44:29,360 --> 00:44:31,960 Speaker 1: part yet, and it's already quite long, so we're going 770 00:44:32,040 --> 00:44:36,120 Speaker 1: to split this into a two parter, uh and tune 771 00:44:36,160 --> 00:44:38,560 Speaker 1: in for the second part to hear more about our 772 00:44:38,600 --> 00:44:41,439 Speaker 1: thoughts on dating and some of our very our very 773 00:44:41,480 --> 00:44:46,319 Speaker 1: own specific bad dating stories, which we have quite a few. 774 00:44:46,320 --> 00:44:51,440 Speaker 1: To choose from Yes, so tune in for part two. 775 00:44:51,840 --> 00:44:54,440 Speaker 1: Thank you so much for joining us for this episode, 776 00:44:54,480 --> 00:44:56,160 Speaker 1: and as always, we would love to hear from you. 777 00:44:56,200 --> 00:44:58,600 Speaker 1: If you've got thoughts, bad dating stories you want to share, 778 00:44:59,120 --> 00:45:02,200 Speaker 1: please send them our away. Our email is Stuffitie and 779 00:45:02,239 --> 00:45:04,080 Speaker 1: mom Stuff at iHeart me dot com. You can find 780 00:45:04,120 --> 00:45:05,880 Speaker 1: us on Instagram at stuff I Never Told You or 781 00:45:05,920 --> 00:45:08,360 Speaker 1: on Twitter at mom Stuff Podcast. Thanks It's always to 782 00:45:08,440 --> 00:45:11,520 Speaker 1: our super producer Christina. Oh yeah, we need all of 783 00:45:11,520 --> 00:45:17,279 Speaker 1: the stories. Maybe we can begin a part three, right Christina. Yes, yes, Christina, 784 00:45:17,719 --> 00:45:19,960 Speaker 1: and thanks to you for listening. Stuff I've Never Told 785 00:45:19,960 --> 00:45:21,680 Speaker 1: You s production of I Heart Radio. For more podcast 786 00:45:21,719 --> 00:45:24,080 Speaker 1: on my heart radio, visit the heart Radio app, Apple podcast, 787 00:45:24,200 --> 00:45:25,760 Speaker 1: or where you listen to your favorite shows