WEBVTT - If it Makes You Happy 0:00:00.880 --> 0:00:04.360 This is How Men Think with broths Like and Gavin 0:00:04.400 --> 0:00:08.000 de Grab and I Hear Radio podcast. Welcome to another 0:00:08.000 --> 0:00:09.840 episode of How Men Think. My name is brooks Like 0:00:10.039 --> 0:00:12.719 and on this episode we are going to dive into 0:00:12.800 --> 0:00:19.920 one of my favorite favorite words and topics, happiness, happiness. 0:00:20.040 --> 0:00:22.680 What is happiness? How do we achieve happiness? What is 0:00:22.720 --> 0:00:25.760 happiness to me? What is happiness to you? Can we 0:00:25.920 --> 0:00:30.720 find a state of happiness in the current conditions? So 0:00:31.120 --> 0:00:33.680 happiness is the term and the word and the topic 0:00:33.760 --> 0:00:37.480 of discussion today. And riding Shotgun as my co host. 0:00:37.600 --> 0:00:40.280 Today we have a very very special co host. He 0:00:40.400 --> 0:00:45.319 is an actor, a filmmaker, a humanitarian and entrepreneur. He's 0:00:45.320 --> 0:00:50.000 also a loving husband and father. Ruby Patel, Welcome to 0:00:50.040 --> 0:00:55.760 How Men Think. Wow, what an intro. Good night, buddy, 0:00:55.840 --> 0:00:59.120 Let's go. Yeah, let's go. But I like I I 0:00:59.120 --> 0:01:02.000 wish our viewers and see what or see what I'm 0:01:02.000 --> 0:01:03.920 seeing because we're doing this via zoom call, which I'd 0:01:04.000 --> 0:01:06.399 rather do it in studio, but obviously given the conditions. 0:01:06.400 --> 0:01:08.760 But you just have a glowing smile. You have a 0:01:08.760 --> 0:01:11.840 glowing smile. You have a glowing smile and happy eyes. 0:01:11.920 --> 0:01:14.959 Happy eyes are a big proponent opponent of happiness, and 0:01:15.040 --> 0:01:18.120 so I noticed that right when you jumped on the call. 0:01:18.160 --> 0:01:20.399 I'm getting it from you, man, I have I'm I'm 0:01:20.480 --> 0:01:24.000 very sensitive to two people who have good vibes. And 0:01:24.319 --> 0:01:28.040 I apologize to our listeners for saying the phrase good vibes, 0:01:28.080 --> 0:01:29.880 but that is what I got from you when I 0:01:29.920 --> 0:01:32.840 saw you, dude, I said good vibes. And text messages 0:01:32.880 --> 0:01:35.800 all the time. I said good vibes, and the the 0:01:35.840 --> 0:01:39.640 emoji of the guy with the sunglasses and that's that's 0:01:39.680 --> 0:01:45.920 too much, too much, feel it back. Um, So I 0:01:45.959 --> 0:01:49.760 want to dive into the discussion. One, because you're you're 0:01:49.840 --> 0:01:54.560 such an accomplished and talented person. There's there's professional happiness, 0:01:54.600 --> 0:01:56.240 but I love having you on because you're also a 0:01:56.280 --> 0:01:59.280 father and so and a husband and so there's personal happiness. 0:01:59.560 --> 0:02:02.200 And so I to dive into that. What the balance 0:02:02.200 --> 0:02:06.280 of professional happiness personal happiness? Uh? Do they correlate? Are 0:02:06.320 --> 0:02:09.600 they integrated? How does that show up in your life? 0:02:09.840 --> 0:02:12.600 And and and also that just what you did with the show, 0:02:13.080 --> 0:02:15.560 which we'll talk about on this as well as the 0:02:15.760 --> 0:02:19.080 Robbie Patel's Pursuit of Happiness, which is on HBO Max, 0:02:19.080 --> 0:02:22.000 where you travel around the world to find these different 0:02:22.040 --> 0:02:26.200 definitions of happiness and how it shows up in different countries. Um. 0:02:26.240 --> 0:02:28.400 But I want to start with one question to you, 0:02:28.480 --> 0:02:31.480 and it's very vague in general, but it's a really 0:02:31.520 --> 0:02:35.720 important question, and it's something I enjoy asking people because 0:02:35.760 --> 0:02:39.080 I enjoy seeing which way they take it. What is 0:02:39.200 --> 0:02:46.960 your definition of happiness? Mm hmm. I mean, I guess 0:02:47.080 --> 0:02:51.720 it's trying to find a way to make each day 0:02:51.840 --> 0:02:57.320 in the present as fun as possible, which means, you know, 0:02:57.480 --> 0:03:00.880 laughing with the people you love the most. Uh, finding 0:03:00.880 --> 0:03:04.720 a way to put smiles on each other's faces. Um. 0:03:04.760 --> 0:03:07.040 But I think again, I think cord of that is 0:03:08.680 --> 0:03:12.320 making sure you're giving to the people who give you 0:03:12.360 --> 0:03:14.880 the most, the people you love the most, focusing on 0:03:14.919 --> 0:03:17.120 the relationships that matter, and just I mean, I'm a 0:03:17.240 --> 0:03:20.799 I'm a sucker for bonding. I love. I love my dudes, 0:03:21.120 --> 0:03:22.919 I love my wife, I love my kids, A love 0:03:22.960 --> 0:03:27.480 my dog. Um, and I love trying to love better. 0:03:27.600 --> 0:03:30.519 I mean it's cheesy, but I just think it's so fun. 0:03:31.720 --> 0:03:33.640 I love it, Dude. I want I want to like 0:03:33.960 --> 0:03:37.000 get that and loop that and just put that just 0:03:37.040 --> 0:03:39.800 for people to listen to. Because in what I love 0:03:39.800 --> 0:03:41.400 about that. I love a couple of things. One the 0:03:41.440 --> 0:03:44.560 words that you use first, you said fun, fun and 0:03:44.600 --> 0:03:48.360 love and the people closest to you. And in my 0:03:48.400 --> 0:03:51.360 own journey in two words, I had two words that 0:03:51.440 --> 0:03:54.200 I really want to focus on, or wanted to focus on, 0:03:54.720 --> 0:03:57.880 was laughter and love. And you said, how you can 0:03:57.920 --> 0:04:00.920 be how you can be present and the most fun 0:04:01.040 --> 0:04:04.280 with the people that you love today, not waiting for 0:04:04.360 --> 0:04:06.920 tomorrow or planning a trip three months from now, like 0:04:07.000 --> 0:04:10.760 today in this room. And so laughter and love were 0:04:10.840 --> 0:04:14.080 two of the things that I focused on the most 0:04:14.160 --> 0:04:18.120 in and having those top of mind has brought me, 0:04:19.720 --> 0:04:23.680 has brought me certainly closer with the people in my life. 0:04:24.440 --> 0:04:28.120 It's also connected me with the people at a deeper, 0:04:28.240 --> 0:04:33.200 more affectionate, more loving, more vulnerable way. UM covid has 0:04:33.279 --> 0:04:36.719 really revealed to me who's really important in my life 0:04:37.960 --> 0:04:40.760 in in ways of like seeking connection with them. So 0:04:41.160 --> 0:04:45.320 um for fun, for fun and love. What's on on 0:04:45.360 --> 0:04:47.520 a daily like something that you will do say with 0:04:47.560 --> 0:04:50.400 your wife or your you said, your homies, or your 0:04:50.600 --> 0:04:53.640 your daughter, Like, what's something that's really fun and really 0:04:54.480 --> 0:04:58.760 love fulfilling that you do on the daily. What what 0:04:58.839 --> 0:05:00.840 do you think that you've done, by the way, just 0:05:00.880 --> 0:05:02.440 really quick just to follow up on what you just said, 0:05:02.440 --> 0:05:04.920 because I think that's beautiful. What are the specific things 0:05:05.000 --> 0:05:08.440 you think you've done too bring all that laughter and 0:05:08.440 --> 0:05:13.080 love into your life. Tried to make moments, tried to, 0:05:13.640 --> 0:05:17.400 as you said early, be present. So, UM, I have 0:05:17.560 --> 0:05:20.760 made space in my life, created and made and preserved 0:05:20.800 --> 0:05:24.320 space in my life for connection. So after after five 0:05:24.360 --> 0:05:26.800 o'clock I started this about eight nine months ago. After 0:05:26.839 --> 0:05:28.760 five o'clock, I am not on my phone, I am 0:05:28.760 --> 0:05:31.760 not on an email, I'm not on my computer. I 0:05:31.800 --> 0:05:36.640 am fully fully immersed in connection. UM. I will do 0:05:36.720 --> 0:05:40.320 I will do almost anything to never eat supper without 0:05:40.400 --> 0:05:43.360 a crew of people around me. Again, awesome. I love 0:05:43.440 --> 0:05:46.599 having people over for supper. UM. Connecting in the evening 0:05:47.040 --> 0:05:49.320 instead of sitting down and watching a show in the evening, 0:05:49.360 --> 0:05:50.800 I'll go to my brother in laws, or I'll go 0:05:50.839 --> 0:05:52.440 to my buddy Corey's and we'll just sit in his 0:05:52.480 --> 0:05:55.720 gradge in his studio, We'll just just anything instead of 0:05:55.960 --> 0:05:59.960 falling into these other little norms and then creating space 0:06:00.040 --> 0:06:04.440 us and just realizing how how important that human connection 0:06:04.480 --> 0:06:06.800 with these people is, how important it is, and then 0:06:06.800 --> 0:06:10.520 trying to make, trying to make moments because moments are memories. 0:06:11.360 --> 0:06:14.840 So we're doing little surprises, doing little surprises, doing little 0:06:14.839 --> 0:06:17.520 practical jokes and pranks, things that take a little time 0:06:17.560 --> 0:06:20.200 to plan. But then but then when you execute them, 0:06:20.520 --> 0:06:22.599 you get such a smile and a moment out of it. 0:06:22.640 --> 0:06:24.040 You get a moment out of it, and you get 0:06:24.040 --> 0:06:26.599 a memory out of it, versus just seeing people and 0:06:26.640 --> 0:06:29.440 not having any memories. Yeah, that's I think that's really 0:06:29.520 --> 0:06:31.360 profound because I mean, if you think about what life 0:06:31.400 --> 0:06:34.880 really is, it's just a series of memories, so you know, 0:06:35.240 --> 0:06:37.640 right ones that you want to talk about or that 0:06:37.680 --> 0:06:39.480 you want to remember. But I think you hit on 0:06:39.560 --> 0:06:42.479 a really big thing which could not be more important, 0:06:42.480 --> 0:06:46.599 in which is creating boundaries for yourself. Because right now, 0:06:46.720 --> 0:06:51.000 there's there's We've never been more distracted than we are today. 0:06:51.040 --> 0:06:55.680 We've never had so much choice, and it's overwhelming, and 0:06:55.720 --> 0:06:58.400 the net result is that we end up not feeling 0:06:58.880 --> 0:07:01.640 control in our data lives, and so we have to 0:07:01.680 --> 0:07:04.719 go out of our way more than ever to create 0:07:04.760 --> 0:07:07.320 boundaries so that we feel some sense of control, so 0:07:07.320 --> 0:07:09.880 that we feel planted in the day. It's something I 0:07:09.960 --> 0:07:12.520 struggled with all the time. But I think, you know, 0:07:12.600 --> 0:07:16.200 starting with just the brass tacks of technology creating boundaries 0:07:16.240 --> 0:07:17.840 around when you use your laptop and when you use 0:07:17.880 --> 0:07:21.720 your phone, that's a huge one. Um. I think that's 0:07:21.720 --> 0:07:23.320 a very big one, because that, to me is the 0:07:23.360 --> 0:07:26.040 beginning of trying to create that space, the same thing 0:07:26.080 --> 0:07:29.040 with like television, Like technology is supposed to be there 0:07:29.040 --> 0:07:32.360 to help us do better with our time, and instead 0:07:32.360 --> 0:07:36.800 we let it take away our time and dominate our time. Yeah. 0:07:36.840 --> 0:07:39.160 Another one that I've done is I don't accept any 0:07:39.200 --> 0:07:41.760 I don't have any calls or any work stuff prior 0:07:41.800 --> 0:07:44.600 to one o'clock in the day. So I was a 0:07:44.640 --> 0:07:49.080 professional athlete, you know. So I I've made enough money 0:07:49.080 --> 0:07:50.800 to not have to work the rest of my life, 0:07:50.800 --> 0:07:52.600 and and so I get to I get to choose 0:07:52.640 --> 0:07:54.960 projects that I wish to be a part of because 0:07:55.000 --> 0:07:57.000 of because they light me up, and because of the 0:07:57.040 --> 0:07:59.240 people in them, and because of the impact that they 0:07:59.280 --> 0:08:02.800 can make in the world. So I never set an alarm. 0:08:02.840 --> 0:08:05.080 I never set an alarm because why would I set 0:08:05.080 --> 0:08:06.400 an alarm? Why do I want to be up for 0:08:06.480 --> 0:08:08.760 anything that when I want to wake up when my 0:08:08.800 --> 0:08:11.560 body's rested. So I don't set an alarm, and then 0:08:11.600 --> 0:08:15.120 I don't schedule any sort of calls before one PM 0:08:15.160 --> 0:08:17.600 because I want that morning for fitness, I want to read, 0:08:17.680 --> 0:08:20.120 I want to be active. I just want to be peaceful. 0:08:20.320 --> 0:08:22.240 And then I'll do any sort of creative development or 0:08:22.280 --> 0:08:26.080 project or this podcast in the afternoon between one and 0:08:26.200 --> 0:08:28.920 five pm. That's the block of window that I have. 0:08:29.280 --> 0:08:30.960 Do you know what that's called in the rest of 0:08:31.000 --> 0:08:40.800 the world location privileged mother? No, it's it's It's awesome, bro. 0:08:41.160 --> 0:08:43.600 I think that's so smart. I mean, it's absolutely a 0:08:43.640 --> 0:08:45.760 privilege to even be able to do that. But I 0:08:45.760 --> 0:08:50.040 think it's so um thoughtful of you to make that 0:08:50.120 --> 0:08:54.200 decision to know, like, hey, I'm lucky. I get to 0:08:54.240 --> 0:08:57.160 make some choices with my time, and I'm going to 0:08:57.320 --> 0:09:01.000 choose to make my time mine. Most people don't. Don't. 0:09:01.559 --> 0:09:03.560 Most people are so passive. Most of us are just 0:09:04.200 --> 0:09:09.200 kind of riding the ride, and you wake up months 0:09:09.200 --> 0:09:12.280 to two years later and realize, wait, what just happened? 0:09:12.480 --> 0:09:15.560 Where was I? I think that's awesome, man. And you 0:09:15.559 --> 0:09:17.360 know a lot of that stuff you're doing and stuff 0:09:17.360 --> 0:09:18.719 that I'm trying to do in my own life, it's 0:09:18.760 --> 0:09:21.040 hard as hell. So I want to I want to 0:09:21.040 --> 0:09:24.120 ask you the same question so on the boundaries front, 0:09:24.160 --> 0:09:27.160 because I think you do so much more professionally than 0:09:27.240 --> 0:09:30.079 what I do. You know as an actor, as a filmmaker, 0:09:30.080 --> 0:09:34.680 as executive producer, humanitarian, plus you have the this saves 0:09:34.760 --> 0:09:38.880 lives Like you're an entrepreneur, um, how do you balance 0:09:39.480 --> 0:09:42.120 all of the What are some boundaries in your life 0:09:42.160 --> 0:09:46.520 that um that you set that will protect your happiness 0:09:46.520 --> 0:09:49.280 and not help you be overwhelmed? Because I think being 0:09:49.280 --> 0:09:52.760 overwhelmed is one thing that robs people of happiness totally, 0:09:52.920 --> 0:09:55.800 and I think everyone these days because like we said earlier, 0:09:55.840 --> 0:09:58.800 because we have so much choice, we have so much 0:09:58.840 --> 0:10:01.880 pressure to perform in work and to achieve, achieve, achieve, 0:10:02.200 --> 0:10:03.960 and then in a free time we kind of have 0:10:04.000 --> 0:10:06.240 similar pressures, Like we spend more money than ever on 0:10:06.320 --> 0:10:08.960 food and restaurants because there's so many choices with every 0:10:08.960 --> 0:10:10.920 minute of the day, and then even in a few 0:10:10.920 --> 0:10:12.520 minutes we don't have we're like, oh, I gotta go 0:10:12.520 --> 0:10:14.800 to yoga, I gotta meditate, and you actually pay for 0:10:14.840 --> 0:10:16.360 most of those things. Then you gotta make more money 0:10:16.400 --> 0:10:18.560 to pay for those things. The vicious circle where you 0:10:18.559 --> 0:10:20.200 never feel like you're doing enough and you've never had 0:10:20.320 --> 0:10:23.680 enough money to pay for it, and uh, certainly you 0:10:23.679 --> 0:10:25.800 know when it comes to achievement, all those things you listed, 0:10:25.840 --> 0:10:27.640 I mean, we didn't. We did an entire episode on 0:10:27.640 --> 0:10:30.840 this premise. The fourth episode of the series takes place 0:10:30.880 --> 0:10:32.480 in South Korea with one of my best friends. It's 0:10:32.480 --> 0:10:35.440 guy named Matt Polson who founded a company called oh Maze, 0:10:35.920 --> 0:10:38.000 and he and I both have this kind of work hard, 0:10:38.000 --> 0:10:41.480 play hard mentality in life and a lot of people 0:10:41.480 --> 0:10:45.720 who live in cities have this mentality. And um, you know, 0:10:45.920 --> 0:10:49.640 South Korea as a country is having a crisis of 0:10:49.679 --> 0:10:52.640 workoholism that's leading to high rates of depression and suicide. 0:10:53.240 --> 0:10:56.480 And so so this thing that you're asking is actually 0:10:56.679 --> 0:11:00.320 central to uh, you know, it's it's one of my 0:11:00.360 --> 0:11:03.000 core conflicts in life. And I think it came out of, 0:11:04.320 --> 0:11:08.400 you know, being conditioned or conditioning myself to achieve to 0:11:08.720 --> 0:11:12.239 and being obsessed with achievement and in great part attaching 0:11:12.280 --> 0:11:16.320 my self worth to what I can achieve and like 0:11:16.360 --> 0:11:18.680 all those things you listed, Like I probably get a 0:11:18.679 --> 0:11:21.319 little bit of a dopamine hit when you say those things, 0:11:21.600 --> 0:11:23.360 and I'm like, yeah, I did that. That's great. I 0:11:23.360 --> 0:11:26.040 mean the same way you probably you know, in order 0:11:26.080 --> 0:11:29.160 to succeed at at what you've done as an athlete, 0:11:29.679 --> 0:11:33.040 you have to be obsessed like you have to. You 0:11:33.080 --> 0:11:35.439 have to, And there's more to it than just loving 0:11:35.440 --> 0:11:38.760 the game. There's there's there's a love of mastery there 0:11:39.080 --> 0:11:41.080 that that you that you and I probably share. There's 0:11:41.080 --> 0:11:43.199 a love of achievement that you and I probably share. 0:11:43.559 --> 0:11:47.400 There's this core thing in our egos that that dances 0:11:47.480 --> 0:11:51.200 with the thing we're doing as well. And I realized 0:11:51.240 --> 0:11:53.520 now as I'm older, I'll look, I'm really proud, and 0:11:53.559 --> 0:11:57.120 I get really excited about doing I'm very curious, and 0:11:57.160 --> 0:12:00.600 I love doing things with people. I love um creating 0:12:00.640 --> 0:12:03.280 experiences that make my life better or make the lives 0:12:03.280 --> 0:12:06.600 of those around me better. But now that I'm a 0:12:06.679 --> 0:12:09.240 father and I'm on the other side of forty, I'm 0:12:09.240 --> 0:12:11.559 starting to also realize none of that is any good 0:12:12.000 --> 0:12:14.280 if like I didn't remember what I did that day 0:12:14.280 --> 0:12:16.480 because I was so busy right in the roller coaster. 0:12:17.040 --> 0:12:19.040 And so now I'm trying to figure out a way 0:12:19.200 --> 0:12:21.000 to balance things out the way you said, and I 0:12:21.080 --> 0:12:22.920 think it has a lot to do with you know, 0:12:23.000 --> 0:12:25.480 especially because of what I do is so purpose driven. 0:12:25.920 --> 0:12:28.679 It's like almost a way of cheating the system where 0:12:29.000 --> 0:12:30.800 I'm like, well, everything I do it's like I'm doing 0:12:30.800 --> 0:12:33.160 it with my friends and family, or it's doing this 0:12:33.240 --> 0:12:35.160 good thing in the world. So it's almost like I 0:12:35.240 --> 0:12:37.839 have a justification to work all the time because my 0:12:37.920 --> 0:12:40.240 work is my life. And now I'm in this new 0:12:40.240 --> 0:12:44.199 phase where it's like, Okay, that's great, but I need 0:12:44.200 --> 0:12:46.400 to carve out more space for myself. The way you 0:12:46.440 --> 0:12:48.760 were just talking about space that has nothing to do 0:12:48.800 --> 0:12:52.800 with achievement. Space that's passive. Uh. Space that's for eating 0:12:52.840 --> 0:12:56.800 ice cream and flipping channels without without a cause, or 0:12:57.080 --> 0:12:59.559 you know, just going for a walk. You know. Um, 0:12:59.840 --> 0:13:01.760 the those are the things I'm starting to prioritize and 0:13:01.800 --> 0:13:06.040 it's it's actually making my work life in a way 0:13:06.400 --> 0:13:16.839 more inspired. There's two things in mind when I hear 0:13:16.840 --> 0:13:20.199 you talk. There's two things in mind. For it's a 0:13:20.240 --> 0:13:22.760 blessing and a curse to be a hyper driven person. 0:13:23.559 --> 0:13:26.560 So for somebody to achieve the things that you have achieved, 0:13:26.640 --> 0:13:31.000 you are a hyper driven person. There is something extraordinary 0:13:31.120 --> 0:13:33.640 about you. You don't get to elevate to your level 0:13:33.679 --> 0:13:37.360 without that. So that being said, that's an amazing blessing 0:13:37.440 --> 0:13:39.840 in your life. It has served you so greatly in 0:13:39.920 --> 0:13:42.400 your life. The flip side of that is if that 0:13:42.440 --> 0:13:45.160 can't be controlled, it's going to consume you and it's 0:13:45.160 --> 0:13:47.520 gonna eat you alive, and that you can never turn 0:13:47.559 --> 0:13:50.280 it off. The other part that I see about you 0:13:50.360 --> 0:13:53.960 is you're so multi talented. You're so multi talented. You 0:13:53.960 --> 0:13:56.120 can act, you can produce, you can direct, you have 0:13:56.240 --> 0:14:00.280 humanitarian you're an entrepreneur, Like there's you can do anything 0:14:00.280 --> 0:14:03.480 because you're so multi talented. So then everything is an option, 0:14:04.000 --> 0:14:06.000 you know, like, oh, say acting is not going on 0:14:06.120 --> 0:14:07.880 right now, Okay, well then it can be an entrepreneur, 0:14:08.080 --> 0:14:10.200 I can I have this other thing. So there's always 0:14:10.240 --> 0:14:13.600 gonna be worked for you. Plus, you're a hyper driven person. 0:14:14.080 --> 0:14:17.120 How do you get the balance back and say no, no, no, 0:14:17.160 --> 0:14:19.240 I'm gonna I'm gonna step back from this because I 0:14:19.280 --> 0:14:22.840 want to eat more ice cream with my daughter. I 0:14:22.840 --> 0:14:24.840 want to Because so many people struggle with that, how 0:14:24.880 --> 0:14:27.320 do you do it well? I think the I think 0:14:27.400 --> 0:14:31.160 the hyper drive comes from is probably rooted. Look, I 0:14:31.200 --> 0:14:33.520 do think there's a lot of reasons that are positive 0:14:33.560 --> 0:14:35.680 as to why I am hyperdriven, Like in terms of 0:14:35.760 --> 0:14:39.560 just a genuine curiosity, a love of of connecting, blah 0:14:39.600 --> 0:14:42.440 blah blah. But so there's also a strong part of 0:14:42.440 --> 0:14:46.200 it that's rooted in insecurity and wanting to get people, 0:14:46.440 --> 0:14:48.880 wanting to gain. Whether it's a chip on my shoulder 0:14:48.920 --> 0:14:50.640 and I'm trying to prove to myself or to someone 0:14:50.640 --> 0:14:54.080 around me, I don't know. I haven't done augh therapy 0:14:54.120 --> 0:14:56.560 to figure that out, but there's definitely some chip on 0:14:56.640 --> 0:14:58.320 my shoulder that I think is driving me to do 0:14:58.800 --> 0:15:01.040 all that. Like even when you said all those things 0:15:01.040 --> 0:15:03.760 about me, it's like, oh, like, that's probably the thing 0:15:03.800 --> 0:15:05.600 that I've always wanted people to say about me, that 0:15:05.640 --> 0:15:08.520 I can do all these things. That's probably because because 0:15:08.560 --> 0:15:10.560 if I'm being honest, I'm actually not great at any 0:15:10.560 --> 0:15:12.280 one thing, but I am good at a lot of 0:15:12.320 --> 0:15:15.040 different things. And that's probably the muscle that I'm trying 0:15:15.040 --> 0:15:18.840 to flex at all times and and to show that, 0:15:19.240 --> 0:15:21.200 like part of the conceit that I'm part of the 0:15:21.240 --> 0:15:23.160 thing that I'm probably trying to prove to people is 0:15:23.200 --> 0:15:26.920 that I have the stamina of an athlete where I 0:15:26.920 --> 0:15:30.400 can do all these things at the same time, because that, 0:15:30.520 --> 0:15:33.320 to me, is a sport in and of itself. Um, 0:15:33.920 --> 0:15:38.280 and look, it's great, it's really cool. But again, um, 0:15:39.840 --> 0:15:43.920 you know, I'm trying to I'm trying to change a 0:15:44.000 --> 0:15:46.880 lot of that circuitry so that it's a little healthier 0:15:46.920 --> 0:15:49.600 for me. Right now, it's hard, man. Can you can 0:15:49.600 --> 0:15:52.280 you walk me through that process specifically if you can, 0:15:52.360 --> 0:15:54.600 because I'm going through the same thing. I'm experimenting with 0:15:54.680 --> 0:15:59.040 a lot of just a lot of lifestyle optimization experiments 0:15:59.080 --> 0:16:01.040 going on. How long has it been since you've been 0:16:01.040 --> 0:16:04.760 out of hockey. It'll be three years in November, three 0:16:04.840 --> 0:16:08.040 years and I've only recently and probably the last nine 0:16:08.080 --> 0:16:12.800 months to a year, Rubbie found, like found my balance 0:16:12.880 --> 0:16:16.760 of my pursuit, my personal pursuit of happiness. So as 0:16:16.800 --> 0:16:19.720 an athlete, it used to be pursued the Stanley Cup. 0:16:19.960 --> 0:16:22.360 I want to be a champion, the best in the world. 0:16:22.800 --> 0:16:25.560 That's not chasing happiness. That's chasing the result in the 0:16:25.640 --> 0:16:28.000 sport that I was in, And so a lot of 0:16:28.040 --> 0:16:30.600 your happiness takes a back seat. You missed some birthdays, 0:16:30.640 --> 0:16:35.000 you missed some weddings, your training Saturday morning, Sunday morning, 0:16:35.040 --> 0:16:37.240 when your friends were getting together the night before, you're 0:16:37.240 --> 0:16:39.600 not there. You miss out on a lot of happiness 0:16:39.680 --> 0:16:42.320 in pursuit of this goal. Since I've been out of hockey, 0:16:42.320 --> 0:16:46.680 I've discovered, Wow, my pursuit now is happiness. The ultimate 0:16:46.680 --> 0:16:49.560 pursuit in my life is a balance of doing things 0:16:49.640 --> 0:16:52.160 I love with people I love with, also things that 0:16:52.240 --> 0:16:55.840 fulfill me, impacting and serving the world, and balancing all 0:16:55.880 --> 0:16:59.920 of that is the pursuit of happiness. You mean, inner 0:17:00.040 --> 0:17:03.160 growth basically is what you're what you're what you're seeking now, 0:17:03.480 --> 0:17:05.320 and you probably haven't been able to give that any 0:17:05.359 --> 0:17:07.399 attention when you're an athlete. I mean a lot of 0:17:07.400 --> 0:17:10.000 athletes do enjoy their time in sports, but I also 0:17:10.080 --> 0:17:13.520 feel like the way sports have evolved the last fifteen years, 0:17:14.119 --> 0:17:16.399 it's not like like it's not like the way the 0:17:16.440 --> 0:17:19.600 bulls were in the Last Dance, Like it's sports have 0:17:19.680 --> 0:17:24.000 just become so intense and so competitive and so uh 0:17:24.119 --> 0:17:29.879 scientific that that it seems like in order to reach 0:17:29.920 --> 0:17:32.439 the top of that mountain, you need to be always, 0:17:32.480 --> 0:17:35.320 always busting your ass, and I imagine that comes at 0:17:35.320 --> 0:17:38.800 an expense of enjoying the climb. You're always looking towards 0:17:38.800 --> 0:17:42.680 the future and a lot of personal sacrifices. I mean, yeah, 0:17:42.720 --> 0:17:44.520 that's gotta be tricky man. I mean that's and I 0:17:44.520 --> 0:17:48.720 also think that's why so many athletes struggle with the 0:17:48.760 --> 0:17:53.439 transition out of sports. Yeah, and it's a it's a 0:17:53.480 --> 0:17:55.840 real thing. And I did too, because, like you said, 0:17:56.040 --> 0:17:59.080 loss of purpose. So you are multi talented. You can 0:17:59.119 --> 0:18:02.720 do many different things. I did one thing. I did 0:18:02.800 --> 0:18:06.480 one thing. I was a mile deep on one thing, 0:18:07.000 --> 0:18:10.160 and then when that thing's gone, now what do you do? 0:18:10.440 --> 0:18:13.920 But I always argue, I would argue that you think 0:18:13.960 --> 0:18:16.919 you're only great at one thing, But the result of 0:18:16.960 --> 0:18:20.280 you being great at that one thing, it came out 0:18:20.320 --> 0:18:23.440 of a skill set that is the hardest to cultivate, 0:18:23.840 --> 0:18:27.159 which is learning to work your ass off to achieve 0:18:27.200 --> 0:18:30.080 something that idea, that mastery. Like, that's something that I 0:18:30.119 --> 0:18:31.879 want to teach my daughter. I want to teach my 0:18:31.960 --> 0:18:35.280 daughter how to be kind and I want to learn 0:18:35.359 --> 0:18:41.040 her I want to teach her mastery the idea of um, 0:18:41.200 --> 0:18:45.200 how hard work can achieve great things and and how 0:18:45.880 --> 0:18:50.160 uh hitting your hitting your face on the pavement can 0:18:50.200 --> 0:18:53.399 be an awesome part of the process to your you know, 0:18:53.480 --> 0:18:55.320 like I want to teach your grit, I want to 0:18:55.320 --> 0:18:58.120 teach your stamina. I want to teach her the courage 0:18:58.160 --> 0:19:01.919 it takes to reach a very high height, and I 0:19:01.960 --> 0:19:06.720 think undeniably you have done that. I think professional athletes, 0:19:06.760 --> 0:19:10.119 actors feel this way as well. People who achieve great 0:19:10.119 --> 0:19:15.320 success and have given career often wrongly feel if I 0:19:15.359 --> 0:19:17.800 didn't do this, what else would I do? The fact 0:19:17.840 --> 0:19:21.119 the matter is you could. You could probably be successful. 0:19:21.160 --> 0:19:23.160 First of all, I would change the definition of success 0:19:23.720 --> 0:19:26.280 to not be the Stanley Cup or anything that's in 0:19:26.280 --> 0:19:29.760 the future. Will change it to did you have a 0:19:29.800 --> 0:19:33.000 good day and are you enjoying the process? Whatever that 0:19:33.080 --> 0:19:35.800 thing you're heading towards. Make sure that that aligns with 0:19:35.880 --> 0:19:40.359 your core values as as a person. Make sure the 0:19:40.400 --> 0:19:43.280 way you're pursuing it day to day is also aligned 0:19:43.280 --> 0:19:47.200 with your core values. UM, so that you're enjoying yourself along. Liy, 0:19:47.400 --> 0:19:49.920 That's exactly it. And I've found that being out of hockey, 0:19:49.920 --> 0:19:52.560 a lot of the characteristics that I developed and were 0:19:52.560 --> 0:19:55.560 present in me to perform in that arena are now 0:19:56.640 --> 0:19:59.359 are now helping me excel in other areas of my life. 0:19:59.800 --> 0:20:01.720 I then, what you just said about the day to 0:20:01.800 --> 0:20:03.920 day thing, this is my golden question and I want 0:20:03.920 --> 0:20:06.440 to I want to pose it to you. Um, this 0:20:06.480 --> 0:20:09.199 is what I asked myself every single day, this is 0:20:09.240 --> 0:20:12.560 the number one question that governs my life and my 0:20:12.720 --> 0:20:17.480 and and thus my happiness. Are my daily actions congruent 0:20:17.680 --> 0:20:21.960 with my life goals? Are my daily actions can grue 0:20:21.960 --> 0:20:23.960 it with my life goals? And when I think about that, first, 0:20:23.960 --> 0:20:25.600 I have to start with my life goal. What's my 0:20:25.640 --> 0:20:28.720 life goal? I want to live in laughter and in love. 0:20:28.800 --> 0:20:32.080 I want to live the happiest life in the imaginable 0:20:32.119 --> 0:20:36.000 to me. So then are my daily actions congruent with 0:20:36.200 --> 0:20:40.320 that life goal? And that's really helped me reshape my 0:20:40.400 --> 0:20:45.080 days um and and build in more connection with loved ones, 0:20:45.560 --> 0:20:51.000 stronger prioritization of relationship. Um. I have zero tolerance for 0:20:51.119 --> 0:20:55.680 doing I don't want to do. I do not. Yeah, 0:20:56.240 --> 0:21:01.320 anyone who's purpose driven success is alert to do right. 0:21:01.400 --> 0:21:04.560 They don't understand Yeah. So but I want I want 0:21:04.560 --> 0:21:06.200 to shape it. I want to pull it back to you. So, 0:21:06.240 --> 0:21:10.320 how how are you currently like looking at your life, 0:21:10.320 --> 0:21:15.520 assessing your life and and prioritizing more happiness and defining 0:21:15.560 --> 0:21:18.840 more happiness in your life? Can I assume that this 0:21:18.920 --> 0:21:21.400 is what the conversations were like in the hockey locker room, 0:21:21.480 --> 0:21:27.760 just just exactly real, deep real deep conversations the hockey 0:21:27.760 --> 0:21:33.439