Speaker 1: Welcome the Money in Wealth with John Hobryant, a production
Speaker 1: of the Black Effect Podcast Network and iHeartRadio. Hey, Hey
Speaker 1: is John Hope Bryant. And this is Money and Wealth
Speaker 1: And the theme of this week's episode is hot. Now
Speaker 1: that's not the theme I'm talking about. The topic is hot.
Speaker 1: You guys are going to be talking about this one
Speaker 1: for a long time and nobody wants to talk about it.
Speaker 1: It's money and dating and marriage. All right, let's get
Speaker 1: at this. The first thing I want to deal with
Speaker 1: is in the trending topic of the week, this brother,
Speaker 1: you know, really decent brother. It appears he it was
Speaker 1: all over social media. Still is Ashley Brother went with
Speaker 1: his wife for dinner for one of his wife's girlfriends.
Speaker 1: And he knew, like I know all of you know,
Speaker 1: I know most of Shafer's good friends. So if I'm
Speaker 1: going to, you know, go to a surprise party whatever,
Speaker 1: I might be the one if Chase was busy to
Speaker 1: invite the rest of her crew. Right, So in this example,
Speaker 1: Chase's my wife, by the way, Chase Bryant. So in
Speaker 1: this example, this brother, I don't know the backstory, but
Speaker 1: it appears his wife's girlfriend was having a birthday. He
Speaker 1: agreed to sponsor the birthday girl and his wife. Makes
Speaker 1: perfect sense to me, makes perfect sense to you, So
Speaker 1: far right? Okay, Somehow the brother ends up inviting the
Speaker 1: girlfriends of the birthday girl to a birthday dinner. So far,
Speaker 1: so good. Right, now you know what's coming next. This
Speaker 1: is us I'm talking about. Now, I'm not picking on us,
Speaker 1: but I'm talking about a high profile Flossie. You know
Speaker 1: where I'm going. And this is for anybody, Flossy, any race,
Speaker 1: but anybody who knows a sister or brother. You know
Speaker 1: where I'm about to go, young Flossie. And I guess
Speaker 1: a little entitled Dinner's nice, it's over, and the bill comes.
Speaker 1: It's seven hundred dollars. Looks like it's about seven people
Speaker 1: at the table. And my man says, can you bring
Speaker 1: me a check? From me and the birthday girl and
Speaker 1: my wife and then of course split the rest of
Speaker 1: the check out exceptarate checks. Makes perfect sense to me.
Speaker 1: The girls go cray cray on his brother. They go
Speaker 1: absolutely nuts, what are you talking about? And somebody's filming this,
Speaker 1: I guess, because they're just filming the birthday dinner and
Speaker 1: they get all this drama. On tape. But the short
Speaker 1: version is the girls go nuts on this brother and
Speaker 1: start lecturing him, including the birthday girl. By the way,
Speaker 1: she'd be off my Christmas list for the next time around.
Speaker 1: Me and my mate would have to have separate conversations
Speaker 1: about about homegirl. So the homegirl starts lecturing the man
Speaker 1: about how he has a responsibility. Oh, this is ghetto,
Speaker 1: she says, why are you not paying for everybody else?
Speaker 1: Now I might take a little bit of abuse from
Speaker 1: the birthday girl, given that it's her birthday and somebody
Speaker 1: I guess should be paying other than her. But when
Speaker 1: the guests start talking about you're the only man at
Speaker 1: the table, what does that mean? You know, some cases,
Speaker 1: I'm my own woman, And you know, a man is
Speaker 1: not a plan or whatever the thing is. You know
Speaker 1: in some cases is respect me and so on and
Speaker 1: so forth, and so on and so on. And by
Speaker 1: the way, I'm a brother that opens doors, and my
Speaker 1: mother raised me that way. And I just offer to
Speaker 1: pay for the bill if I'm in the presence of
Speaker 1: ladies chienerally speaking anyway, But that doesn't mean that somebody
Speaker 1: should not offer to cover their own expense. I'm not
Speaker 1: your daddy, I'm not your partner, I'm not your mate,
Speaker 1: I'm not your I'm not your financial sponsor. I'm not
Speaker 1: responsible for you. Right, You're responsible for you, and you're
Speaker 1: responsible for your eats, for your meals. And yes, I
Speaker 1: you know, maybe I invite you to come to a
Speaker 1: birthday dinner, but you have dominion an agency over your
Speaker 1: own life. And just like you paid for the valet
Speaker 1: and the gas when you came to that dinner, and
Speaker 1: all the phone calls on the way to that dinner,
Speaker 1: and the phone you're using at that dinner, I don't
Speaker 1: see why you should assume that you're not paying for
Speaker 1: the dinner itself unless I volunteer to sponsor it, which
Speaker 1: is graciousness out of my own heart. But how dare
Speaker 1: you assume presume? And you know that old phrase, when
Speaker 1: you assume, you make an ass out of you and
Speaker 1: me hello, But I don't know how you presume or
Speaker 1: assume anything in this situation yet alone. What responsibility is
Speaker 1: so called I have in this situation or in this case, Sorry,
Speaker 1: I'm gotting all hot now, because it's somebody who's got
Speaker 1: some means. I'm always finding that people expect I'm a
Speaker 1: pay for whatever it is, you know, going on. Maybe
Speaker 1: I'm getting a little PATSD here. But the brother here
Speaker 1: was just and he never lost as cool as you'll see,
Speaker 1: he's very, very smooth. He's very respectful even though he's
Speaker 1: being disrespected, and he holds his ground. The lady's like,
Speaker 1: you're the only man at the table. Now you need
Speaker 1: to pay for this. You're invited us. He invited you,
Speaker 1: but he didn't say I'm hosting, I'm sponsoring. It'd be
Speaker 1: a different thing to me. He says, I'm hosting you
Speaker 1: and then reneged on that. And that's not what happened.
Speaker 1: They just assumed and presumed. So that's there bad right now.
Speaker 1: I do want your opinion on this way in, But
Speaker 1: I'm telling you that's just being raised proper right. Nobody's
Speaker 1: responsible for your bills just because you're pretty and because
Speaker 1: you you're a woman, and I guess you think you're
Speaker 1: cute and all that kind of stuff, And that doesn't
Speaker 1: that doesn't mean that the guy is just responding. And
Speaker 1: this guy he said, look, he says, look, I'm taking
Speaker 1: care of my wife. That's my responsibility. And I'll even
Speaker 1: offering to take care of the birthday girl. You know,
Speaker 1: the rest of you. I thought I just told you
Speaker 1: what was going on, right, and the rest is you know,
Speaker 1: this is your bill's on you now. I guess he
Speaker 1: might have also said, if you had been nice to me,
Speaker 1: maybe I would have paid your bill. But I'm not paying.
Speaker 1: Is what you copping not only an attitude, but a dude,
Speaker 1: all right, let me know what you think about this.
Speaker 1: It to me, this is just absolutely Craig Cray. This
Speaker 1: is just a this is just common sense, like and
Speaker 1: good manner. It's just good home training. That's what I'm
Speaker 1: talking about. It's good home training to say that I
Speaker 1: take care of myself. I cover my own bill. And
Speaker 1: if you covered, god, bless you and thank you. But
Speaker 1: don't come to me with a sense of entitlement. How
Speaker 1: a spirit of appreciation not a spirit of expectation. You
Speaker 1: have a period spirit of appreciation. I'm with you all day,
Speaker 1: all night. You're kind, You're gracious. I'll lean in and
Speaker 1: say you say, hey, I'm you know, I'm covering my
Speaker 1: piece or a Joe whatever, here's my credit card. I
Speaker 1: might then say, no, no, don't worry about that. Susanna
Speaker 1: or whatever your name is. I got you just because
Speaker 1: I you know you may have, you know, but the
Speaker 1: rest of y'all, I can't say what I'm thinking. The
Speaker 1: rest of y'all. That not offering your car, You're definitely
Speaker 1: paying for yours. All right, anyway, watch that, Listen to that.
Speaker 1: Let me know what you think. Okay, how stuff works?
Speaker 1: The money in marriage segment, this is this is going
Speaker 1: to be hot and popping. You thought that the trending
Speaker 1: topic section was hot, wait for this, right, and this
Speaker 1: is this should just be a radical movement of common sense.
Speaker 1: But whenever you involve money and emotions, it's going to
Speaker 1: be messy. And nothing is messier than a love relationship.
Speaker 1: But I think we've gotten marriage twisted. In fact, I
Speaker 1: know we have, and I'm going to unpack what marriage
Speaker 1: really is and I'm going to go through a lot
Speaker 1: of very detailed and difficult questions in this podcast. And
Speaker 1: then let's, as my friend Charlemagne, like God would say,
Speaker 1: let's discuss. And I'm honored to be on the Black
Speaker 1: Effect Network with Charlemagne, by the way, sir, on his board,
Speaker 1: and have this podcast where we can have these conversations
Speaker 1: every week. This is my ministry of finance, This is
Speaker 1: my pull pit, this is my weekly Opportunity on every Thursday.
Speaker 1: Tell your friends to subscribe to unpack the mysteries of
Speaker 1: money and wealth creation and all the stuff that you
Speaker 1: wanted to ask questions about you're curious about, and you
Speaker 1: were maybe too embarrassed, too ashamed for some reason to ask,
Speaker 1: and nobody havlunteered to tell you. You never got the memo
Speaker 1: on money. You're not dumb, and you're not stupid, you're brilliant.
Speaker 1: But it's what you don't know that you don't know.
Speaker 1: This killing you, but you think you know. And here's
Speaker 1: one example. Now I'm gonna deal with dating first and marriage.
Speaker 1: But you're dating your girlfriend, boyfriend, you're living together, your
Speaker 1: partners in a business together, your friends with intertwined finances together.
Speaker 1: Here's the rule number one that will apply to all
Speaker 1: three of these examples. I'm giving you this is the
Speaker 1: only time that maths do not make sense. Two plus
Speaker 1: two has to equal more than four. If two plus
Speaker 1: two does not equal six, eight, or ten, what are
Speaker 1: you doing? If you're not better together? What are you doing? Right?
Speaker 1: So that's the first rule is that if you're in
Speaker 1: a relationship, you have to be better together. That person
Speaker 1: has to make you better, or, to quote my friend
Speaker 1: Quincy Jones, the worst thing that being alone is wishing
Speaker 1: that you were. The four rules of financial literacy in
Speaker 1: a relationship. Now, this is when you are finances are intertwined,
Speaker 1: you're living together, and or you're married. Four rules, four components,
Speaker 1: Four places on the playing field. Place number one you
Speaker 1: can make the money and spend it. Place number two
Speaker 1: you can make the money and manage it. Place number three.
Speaker 1: This is the respective of who's where there's male or
Speaker 1: female making the money. By the way, place number three
Speaker 1: you can manage the money and spend it in accordance
Speaker 1: with the budget that you both agree on and priorities
Speaker 1: and all that stuff, and cadence meaning the process by
Speaker 1: which you spend money. But you can't just spend it.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna say that one more time. Please don't veer
Speaker 1: off the road. If you're listening to this, don't go
Speaker 1: don't flip your car. You may have to pull over
Speaker 1: and listen to this again. Hit the reverse fifteen second
Speaker 1: mark and go back because this is really basic, but
Speaker 1: almost everybody misses this. And by the way, the number
Speaker 1: one calls her divorce is money. The number one calls
Speaker 1: for domestic abuse is money. The number one calls for
Speaker 1: police injury on domestic abuse calls. It's tied to domestic
Speaker 1: abuse calls about money. The number one calls for heart
Speaker 1: attacks is stress. The number one calls for stress is money.
Speaker 1: Ninety percent of employees on the job today say their
Speaker 1: number one stressor is money. And just real talk. If
Speaker 1: you see a long, drawn out, contentious divorce proceeding, people
Speaker 1: say it's over this, and it's over that, and he
Speaker 1: did this, and she did that, and so on and
Speaker 1: so forth. But if you see a divorce is extending weeks,
Speaker 1: no months, no years, right, Unfortunately, something extended years, you
Speaker 1: can just add zeros because if it's extending weeks or months,
Speaker 1: then they're probably middle class to wealthy. If it's extending years,
Speaker 1: they're uber wealthy. But if you did broke, that thing's
Speaker 1: over in a day. If it's two broke people getting
Speaker 1: a divorce, it's like, Okay, I'm done, I'm done, tired
Speaker 1: to you, I'm tired of you. Okay, where's the paper,
Speaker 1: let me sign it. I'm out of here. If there's
Speaker 1: a long contentious divorce, I hate to tell it. I
Speaker 1: was so excited about this. I just connected two words.
Speaker 1: I hate to tell you I said, I hate to
Speaker 1: say it. I hate to say it. But that's over money.
Speaker 1: Well you say no, no, no, no, John, that's over the children. Really,
Speaker 1: there's no child support tied to the claim around the children.
Speaker 1: Are we just arguing over who's going to keep the child? Okay,
Speaker 1: don't trust me, Go look at the proceedings yourself. Ninety
Speaker 1: nine percent of the time it's who's responsible for the child,
Speaker 1: and by the way, the other person has to pay
Speaker 1: for the child's up keep. I'm not saying it's right
Speaker 1: or wrong. I'm not saying it's good or bad. I'm
Speaker 1: telling you the way it ti is. That's about money, Okay,
Speaker 1: alimony that's a fancy word for saying living expenses. And
Speaker 1: family court is interesting. It's the only place where it's
Speaker 1: not strictly the rule of law. Right, it's basically who
Speaker 1: does the judge in the process like favor whatever or
Speaker 1: dislike the least, and who's got the money. Now, you
Speaker 1: know it can be slightly more complicated than that, but
Speaker 1: you know, it sort of boils down to likability and
Speaker 1: you know, drawing this process out because the whole the
Speaker 1: longest draws out the machine, the you know, the lawyers,
Speaker 1: the clerks. All you're in doing is in enriching the
Speaker 1: lawyers and all the processes those folks have to get paid.
Speaker 1: And the longer this thing goes back and forth with
Speaker 1: proceedings and testimony and whatever, the more the process is
Speaker 1: eating up your net worth whatever you have between you
Speaker 1: and your spouse or farmer spouse. So this is about money.
Speaker 1: Nine times out of ten is being drawn out because
Speaker 1: it's an argument over money. Again, I'm not saying that
Speaker 1: that that's right or wrong. I'm telling you that's the
Speaker 1: way a TI is. And that's not even the topic
Speaker 1: of this. That's not even the central point of this podcasts.
Speaker 1: As it said, this is how contentious and crazy this
Speaker 1: thing is because no one talks about this. Maybe I'm
Speaker 1: the first person to break this down in this way,
Speaker 1: not emotionally, but that's the least dramatic thing probably that
Speaker 1: I'm going to say. Let me go back to the
Speaker 1: four rules again. I want to make sure you write
Speaker 1: these down. There's four rules for a successful financial literacy
Speaker 1: amongst two people working together sharing resources. Number One, the
Speaker 1: person makes the money, they have the right to make
Speaker 1: it and theoretically to spend it. It's their money, and
Speaker 1: you don't get to tell them to spend that not
Speaker 1: they can't spend their money. It's just because you're connected
Speaker 1: to them. Unless there's a pre agreement in that regard.
Speaker 1: Number two, that person can make the money and decide
Speaker 1: to manage it and not spend it. Make it invested,
Speaker 1: make it, put it on it, you know, do whatever
Speaker 1: they want with it, give it away if they want to.
Speaker 1: So as long as they're made in their family obligations
Speaker 1: making it, you can make it and spend it and launs'
Speaker 1: meeting your family obligations. And by the way you spend
Speaker 1: it irresponsibly, you may not be married very long. So
Speaker 1: this is this story. I have a friend of mine
Speaker 1: who was at that point president of a very prestigious publication.
Speaker 1: I can't say too much or you might be made
Speaker 1: a backtrack and find his name. And I was staying
Speaker 1: with him as a guest in New York because New
Speaker 1: York's very expensive and this is the early years of
Speaker 1: Operation Hope, and I needed to say money wherever I could,
Speaker 1: and so I was staying at this place. He was
Speaker 1: gracious enough to allow me to stay there, and he
Speaker 1: comes back from a meeting with a bunch of black folks.
Speaker 1: He's white, very fair minded guy, but he's not black.
Speaker 1: And he's meeting with all these black people in his
Speaker 1: offices and they're just going They're talking on and on
Speaker 1: and on and on and on about something that he
Speaker 1: didn't necessarily relate to, yet alone agree with. And so
Speaker 1: he came home to his house where I was staying,
Speaker 1: very upset and frustrated. Man, I'm listening to these people
Speaker 1: all day. I guess he forgot it was black and
Speaker 1: are just so comfortable with me. And I said, look,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna say Joe because if I say again, I'm
Speaker 1: not gonna say it's real name, because you might. You're
Speaker 1: so smart the audience, you may put two and two
Speaker 1: together there. I'm gonna call him Joe. His name is
Speaker 1: not Joe. Hey, Joe, do you like being married? He's like,
Speaker 1: what does that have to do with the price of
Speaker 1: tea in China? Yes, of course I like the I
Speaker 1: like being married. But I'm telling you about this thing
Speaker 1: that happened in my office day. And they talked forever,
Speaker 1: and I, you know, I got really tired. I said, look,
Speaker 1: do you like being married? Yes? I said, Look, your
Speaker 1: wife may say something that you may think doesn't make
Speaker 1: much sense. And you sometimes may say some stuff, I'm
Speaker 1: sure do that she because you're saying something now doesn't
Speaker 1: make any sense. That doesn't make any sense to her.
Speaker 1: But in this example, she's saying something and you don't
Speaker 1: think it makes much sense. Now you may tell her
Speaker 1: that in that moment you think that she sounds crazy
Speaker 1: or she is crazy, but sounds crazy is offensive enough.
Speaker 1: I mean, maybe she said, you know, I don't know.
Speaker 1: She just saw a horse gallivanting on the moon, she
Speaker 1: saw with her own eyes, and now she wants to
Speaker 1: go ride the horse. I'm just saying something completely ridiculous.
Speaker 1: And now that technically might mean that she was on
Speaker 1: mushrooms at that moment, or had done too much marijuana,
Speaker 1: had to should rink, or maybe she is momentarily crazy.
Speaker 1: But if you say you sound crazy, you might be
Speaker 1: technically correct, but you won't be married. You got to
Speaker 1: decide whether you want to be married or you want
Speaker 1: to be right. Those two things are different. So if
Speaker 1: you decide to make the money and spend it, that's
Speaker 1: you're right, but you may not be married very long.
Speaker 1: Make the money and manage it, Okay, that's more responsible
Speaker 1: and managing it means you're going to also take care
Speaker 1: of your shared responsibilities. And by the way, you can
Speaker 1: also if you're not the one making the money, you
Speaker 1: can manage it and under agreement with the person making it,
Speaker 1: spend it. So now you're both on the same page
Speaker 1: and you're not when your outfloks het, you're inflowed and
Speaker 1: your overhead will be your downfall. So you're not creating
Speaker 1: a stressful situation where the person comes home and they're like,
Speaker 1: what is this? I mean, why don't there's no Why
Speaker 1: isn't there no money in the account? Why is a
Speaker 1: credit card built exploding? And that's just an argument waiting
Speaker 1: to happen because they're like, I can time, I can't
Speaker 1: make it fast enough. You're always spending it, and stop it,
Speaker 1: knock it off, right, So that's going to end badly.
Speaker 1: Right again, the majority of divorces and majority of drama
Speaker 1: is money related, even though it may seem like it's
Speaker 1: another situation, and what you absolutely cannot do is just
Speaker 1: spend it. The inference there is that you're not making
Speaker 1: it and you're not managing it, and you're not communicating.
Speaker 1: You're just on fire with that credit card or checks
Speaker 1: or whatever atm withdrawals and you're just spending it. That
Speaker 1: I guarantee you is a relationship that will not last.
Speaker 1: So those are ground rules. Write those down. It'll work
Speaker 1: if you apply that to your business partnerships, entangled friendships,
Speaker 1: you're dating relationships, your girlfriend boyfriend, relationships where you're sharing finances,
Speaker 1: you're certainly you're living together, anything where you're living together
Speaker 1: or you're conjoined together, and certainly marriage. Okay, I guarantee
Speaker 1: you that will make life a lot easier for you.
Speaker 1: And if you have someone who is not yet completely
Speaker 1: captured the concept of budgeting, then just give them an
Speaker 1: allocation of whatever you're going to afford and cap it
Speaker 1: like so, you're not in an argument, right, It's not
Speaker 1: bad or good, by the way, this is just you know,
Speaker 1: making things work because you know, everybody has a different
Speaker 1: role in the relationship. Traditionally, it would be said, although
Speaker 1: these roles often switch, the man turn creates a house,
Speaker 1: the woman turns it into a home. It could also
Speaker 1: be the other way around. The woman is a breadwinner,
Speaker 1: she creates a house, and the man should be trying
Speaker 1: to turn that into a home, taking the pressure off
Speaker 1: his wife. Okay, how does marriage work? Well, I sort
Speaker 1: of already just just just said a lot of that,
Speaker 1: and I'm not a marriage counselor, and that's not what
Speaker 1: this is about. This is about the money and wealth
Speaker 1: and backstory parts of this. Even though you may pick
Speaker 1: up some tricks of the trade and some cheat sheet notes,
Speaker 1: some quick notes about how you can create a less
Speaker 1: tension in your relationship. So, how does marriage work? Who
Speaker 1: should you marry? What should be part of the courting process,
Speaker 1: Thoughts on pre nupts, our marriage back contracts. These are
Speaker 1: some questions that my folks wanted to and I guess
Speaker 1: people asking questions wanted me to answer. Before I can
Speaker 1: answer or address any of that, I've got to dismiss
Speaker 1: a very very bad presumption about marriage, and this goes
Speaker 1: to mostly who should you marry? The question. We think
Speaker 1: that in Western society that marriage is romantic. It might be,
Speaker 1: but that wasn't the reason why marriage was created. The
Speaker 1: institution of marriage wasn't created nearly three thousand years before
Speaker 1: the birth of Christ, meaning before religion was introduced into
Speaker 1: the whole situation. Marriage did not originate in a romantic situation.
Speaker 1: Just very dramatic example now, but unfortunately inaccurate one. When
Speaker 1: you go to the club tonight, ladies and you see
Speaker 1: a handsome dude. Guys, you go to the club tonight
Speaker 1: and you see a beautiful woman. Oh, man, she's fine.
Speaker 1: Oh girl, he's so he's so cute. Oh he's fine. Brother,
Speaker 1: Oh she's so sexy. What's your name? Cool? Good? So
Speaker 1: far after that, after pleasantries, what's your credit score? And
Speaker 1: you think I'm kidding, I don't let it, like literally mean,
Speaker 1: what's your credit score? But I mean you got to
Speaker 1: get behind the things that are temporary, which are these
Speaker 1: looks you're observing. And here's a worse example. Brothers will
Speaker 1: go to a strip club and fall in love with
Speaker 1: a stripper, and there's nothing wrong with the stripper. She
Speaker 1: may be the most she may be the smartest person
Speaker 1: in the whole room. Because a lot of these ladies
Speaker 1: who went to college, can't afford to college, don't have
Speaker 1: wealthy parents, whatever, and go and do this thing, which
Speaker 1: I'm not judging, you know, to make extra money. Do
Speaker 1: you really think, by the way, a beautiful woman is
Speaker 1: in a strip club at two three in the morning
Speaker 1: and have some two hundred and fifty pound dudes throwing
Speaker 1: her dollar bills at three in the morning because she
Speaker 1: likes it. She's there because of the money. Real talk.
Speaker 1: So this guy, whoever the guy is, goes to a
Speaker 1: strip club, falls in lust with some woman who may have,
Speaker 1: by the way, manufactured physique and all that kind of
Speaker 1: stuff because she's trying to entice somebody. By the way,
Speaker 1: this is the whole point of this. And what better
Speaker 1: deal than to just work for tips for the night,
Speaker 1: get married, and you have a lot of brothers, very
Speaker 1: successful NBA players, NFL players, rappers, whatever, who will just
Speaker 1: fall in love with a stripper or whoever and marry
Speaker 1: them because of how they're looking. I was out with
Speaker 1: a high profile couple who was taking a high profile
Speaker 1: guy out for the night. I'm really trying to name
Speaker 1: names here, and I couldn't stick around for where they
Speaker 1: went next. Versus going to din they were going to
Speaker 1: a strip club. I couldn't go, but I wish them well.
Speaker 1: And I heard later that this person who you would
Speaker 1: know literally was so enticed by this lady he met
Speaker 1: at three in the morning, he put her on a
Speaker 1: plane the next day senator to Los Angeles, put her
Speaker 1: up for you know, he was trying to have a
Speaker 1: relationship with her. I hope it works out. Probability is
Speaker 1: that they won't. But this is the power of attraction. Now,
Speaker 1: all good, knock yourself out, you know, live the experience
Speaker 1: you want to live. But that's not the point of marriage.
Speaker 1: And yes, should you'd be attracted to each other, yes,
Speaker 1: better that than not right. But let me tell you
Speaker 1: where marriage came from. Marriage came from different places, at
Speaker 1: different spaces, with different races, at different times, for different reasons,
Speaker 1: but most of those led back to wealth and economics
Speaker 1: and power. In the Middle Ages in Europe, you had
Speaker 1: cousins and relatives who married each other. They're trying to
Speaker 1: strengthen the family bond. I think it's a very bad
Speaker 1: idea for family members to marry each other have matter
Speaker 1: relations yuck. From my perspective, you can get all kinds
Speaker 1: of medical problems and passing down to your children. But
Speaker 1: I'm just telling you that many it was a very
Speaker 1: commonplace for relatives to marry each other because they were
Speaker 1: trying to create bonds between the houses, the royal houses
Speaker 1: in Europe. That's why the bloodlines are so consistent amongst
Speaker 1: European houses. A royalty because they're all related. Now they
Speaker 1: also in some cases, in fact, in many cases, slept
Speaker 1: in different rooms. Hello, there's a presumption that you're going
Speaker 1: to sleep together today because this is a romantic situation.
Speaker 1: It wasn't a romantic situation. It was a business situation.
Speaker 1: It was about power, money, wealth, positioning in the world.
Speaker 1: Like a lot of things. Are they married relatives and
Speaker 1: they slept in separate rooms, or they didn't marry relatives,
Speaker 1: they weren't related, but they slept in different separate rooms.
Speaker 1: You still have some situations like this in places like
Speaker 1: India where it's a arranged marriage. In Asia where it's
Speaker 1: arranged marriage, you don't even know who you marry until
Speaker 1: your parents put you together. That's not about romance either.
Speaker 1: They hope you like each other, but that's not the point.
Speaker 1: It's a class structure. Let me now go to if
Speaker 1: you want to really blow your mind, check out what
Speaker 1: traditional eskimos do with guests for dinner. I'm not gonna
Speaker 1: get into all that because I can't explain in the
Speaker 1: way that it's culturally sensitive. But you just do your
Speaker 1: own research. But it's not something that you would immediately
Speaker 1: recognize as something as a traditional marital habit. You can't
Speaker 1: judge this stuff. Go to the Middle East. It gets
Speaker 1: even stranger to a Western mind. You go to the
Speaker 1: Middle East, and if people want to judge men marrying
Speaker 1: multiple women. Now, I've been to the Middle East several times.
Speaker 1: It's been over one hundred countries. I've been in an
Speaker 1: elevator with a man who was ruling over his multiple
Speaker 1: wives and one wife, and I thought that was wrong.
Speaker 1: I still think it was wrong. I still know what's wrong.
Speaker 1: That's not what I'm talking about. What I'm talking about
Speaker 1: is that no different than check cashing comes from an
Speaker 1: honorable place and it's been perverted. And payday lending came
Speaker 1: from an honorable place. You don't have enough money, you
Speaker 1: have too much month at the end of your money,
Speaker 1: and so you need a advance on your paycheck to
Speaker 1: get you over troubled water. Or check cashing came from
Speaker 1: grocery stores that would write, would cast your convenience check
Speaker 1: for you, and the grocery stores figured out that it
Speaker 1: was more valuable to cast the checks that earn a
Speaker 1: two percent profit off of no expense of cashing a
Speaker 1: check for government employee for the government office that they
Speaker 1: know the check was good than the two percent or
Speaker 1: three percent of profit they're making on groceries on the
Speaker 1: shelf and having the fun one that inventory in the
Speaker 1: grocery store. So they went from a grocery store to
Speaker 1: a check casher, and then they just started expanding fees.
Speaker 1: So that went from an honorable thing to an unhonorable thing.
Speaker 1: Here's another example where something went from honorable to interesting.
Speaker 1: Where in the Middle Ages, in those periods where there's
Speaker 1: a lot of warfare in the Middle East, ten men
Speaker 1: would leave the village and two men would return, and
Speaker 1: these villages there was a lot of relationships, a lot
Speaker 1: of family in those villages, and when the two men
Speaker 1: came back, eight men were murdered or killed in battle.
Speaker 1: The two men who were left saw these women. There
Speaker 1: was no police departments, there was no military, there was
Speaker 1: no streets at night that these women were vulnerable to predators,
Speaker 1: and so in respect and dignity they gave them. Want
Speaker 1: to give the women dignity and cover by marrying them
Speaker 1: into their family and giving all of them cover, protection, security,
Speaker 1: safety in their family. That's where that originally. Is it
Speaker 1: shocking to you, by the way, shocking to me when
Speaker 1: I first found it out when I was in the
Speaker 1: Middle East and I actually asked the question versus making
Speaker 1: a presumption or assumption or worse, an accusation. And this
Speaker 1: is back. This stuff is actually multiple marriages are actually
Speaker 1: covered as I understand it, in the Qur'an. Somebody can
Speaker 1: correct me in the comments, but as I understand it,
Speaker 1: even this is covered in sections of the Quran. But
Speaker 1: it's irrelevant to this point because it actually happened initially
Speaker 1: because of warfare and not enough men to cover the women.
Speaker 1: So men married multiple women. Now, of course, some people
Speaker 1: men viewed as in a chauvinistic way, a way to
Speaker 1: rule over women, have power over them, to show how
Speaker 1: they're such big guys really are showing their small people.
Speaker 1: I'm trying to get you to understand that in many
Speaker 1: of these cases, marriage is about business in quotation marks
Speaker 1: not a business, but it's better together two plus tuotion
Speaker 1: equals six, eight or ten. Look, there are two women
Speaker 1: who funded that. I'm aware that I can think of
Speaker 1: who funded John O'Brien. Two women. I know, I know
Speaker 1: hundreds of thousands of people, But why am I married
Speaker 1: to Shae tra Bryant. I think I've ever told this
Speaker 1: story before there's two women. My mother has given me
Speaker 1: a check in money in Shadraun, I'd come back from Africa.
Speaker 1: I've known her for twenty five plush years now, Shatra
Speaker 1: I'd come back from Africa. I had bought some shon
Speaker 1: sculptures from Zimbabwe, Africa. Picasso was inspired by I call
Speaker 1: them African Picassos. And if you look at Picasso's work
Speaker 1: and you look at stone sculpture work from Zimbabwe, Africa,
Speaker 1: you will see the influence there. He found these sculptors,
Speaker 1: it was inspired by them. It took some of their
Speaker 1: designs and the rest is history. I bought some of
Speaker 1: his art, brought it home, and I think I had bought,
Speaker 1: you know, hundreds of pieces, and I didn't calculate the
Speaker 1: shipping costs, and the shipping costs coused more than the
Speaker 1: art pieces themselves. These were heavy pieces. When I got
Speaker 1: here to I lived in Los Angeles at the time.
Speaker 1: It broke me to pay the shipping bill. And back then,
Speaker 1: the highest technology you had in the early nineties I
Speaker 1: believe this was late eighties, early nineties, and I think
Speaker 1: it was a website, and so I had a website,
Speaker 1: but I had no way to market these shon of
Speaker 1: stone sculptures could do nothing. They did set around My
Speaker 1: thought I was a capitalist even then. I would sell
Speaker 1: twenty five percent to third of the inventory, pay off
Speaker 1: the rest of the inventory and all my expenses, and
Speaker 1: I'd become an art collector by having the rest of
Speaker 1: the art free and clear. Can I get an amen
Speaker 1: on that. I was very young when I was doing this.
Speaker 1: It was a great strategy, but I just hadn't thought
Speaker 1: it all the way through. So I was talking to
Speaker 1: Shaper on the phone one day and she said, ow,
Speaker 1: what's going on with you? And we were friends, and
Speaker 1: I told her I got myself into a bit of
Speaker 1: a pickle, got this great art is beautiful, and she's like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, this is great. So showed her some pictures.
Speaker 1: I think I think I had a website back then.
Speaker 1: Showed her the website It's Brian Group Africa back then,
Speaker 1: and told her my vision and she said, oh, I
Speaker 1: can help you. Huh, what do you mean you can
Speaker 1: help me? Well, you know, there's an event going on
Speaker 1: with wealthy black people mostly coming to it in Hershey, Pennsylvania.
Speaker 1: It was one of the social clubs that her and
Speaker 1: her family were members of, the Dalton family. Doctor David Dalton,
Speaker 1: who to day runs the twentieth lartest black owned business
Speaker 1: in America, and his wife, missus Amy Dalton, and doctor
Speaker 1: Dalton were going this event with Schatra back then Shape
Speaker 1: Dalton and she said, look, you get me this art.
Speaker 1: I will sell enough at that event they should be paying.
Speaker 1: But this they can afford that. They are all doing well.
Speaker 1: They're judges and doctors and lawyers, and they could be
Speaker 1: paying this stuff and giving back to Africa, and then,
Speaker 1: you know, solve your problem. And I said that sounds great.
Speaker 1: When's the event next week? I said, I can't do that.
Speaker 1: I don't have the money to walk around the corner
Speaker 1: yet alone get this art to Pennsylvania from the LA.
Speaker 1: She said, I didn't ask you about any money. Here's
Speaker 1: a credit card. Just get it shipped here and we'll
Speaker 1: take care of the rest. I took her credit card.
Speaker 1: Did never take turn it yes and turn it into
Speaker 1: a no. Take yes for an answer, say yes to
Speaker 1: somebody being gracious, don't take it undue advantage of them.
Speaker 1: I planned on paying her back, but I took that
Speaker 1: credit card and I put that art on U Haul
Speaker 1: and had it shipped across the country, and then I
Speaker 1: bought a two hundred dollars plane ticket up a few bucks.
Speaker 1: I wasn't dead broke, right, just didn't have the money
Speaker 1: to market the art. And I flew across the country
Speaker 1: for a couple hundred bucks on a middle seat you know,
Speaker 1: sitting on the wing, basically on CheapTickets dot com right,
Speaker 1: and got there just in time for the event. And
Speaker 1: as I walked up here as a U haul and
Speaker 1: it's like six o'clock at night, so it's just getting dark.
Speaker 1: The events reception starting, just beginning to start this black
Speaker 1: tie event. I see these workers, and I see this
Speaker 1: beautiful site. Two him in ball gowns and a man
Speaker 1: in a tuxedo. I had never met mister and missus
Speaker 1: Dalton before in my life. This is where you know
Speaker 1: somebody's got good parents. It comes from good genes. And
Speaker 1: the parents and chaterer are unloading this art with the workers.
Speaker 1: No one asked them, they just volunteered to do it.
Speaker 1: And Chaterer's parents didn't know me from a hole in
Speaker 1: the ground. They just knew I was her friend. What
Speaker 1: humility This rule I'm about to give you is not universal.
Speaker 1: And again I'm not a marriage counselor. But I think
Speaker 1: it generally works. You want to find a good man,
Speaker 1: find a man who has a good relationship with his mother,
Speaker 1: a good woman to find a woman who has a
Speaker 1: good relationship with her dad. You can still find somebody
Speaker 1: where that doesn't apply. But this is a cheat another
Speaker 1: cheat sheet and Shakehe once told me that the first
Speaker 1: guy she fell in love with that she thought was
Speaker 1: just amazing was her father. Well, I could see where
Speaker 1: this came from, and I walked up and of course
Speaker 1: started to help them. They set the art up. They
Speaker 1: sold enough for me to pay off enough of that
Speaker 1: inventory that I was free. Shater got up so upset
Speaker 1: because she wanted to sell all the inventory that had
Speaker 1: been shipped there. She said, these folks should have bought
Speaker 1: all of this stuff they could afford it. And I said,
Speaker 1: that's very nice of you, very gracious. Got back, thank
Speaker 1: you so much. How much do I owe you? What
Speaker 1: do you mean? What do you mean? What do I mean?
Speaker 1: How much do I owe you? You don't owe me anything?
Speaker 1: What are you talking about? No, No, I owe you use
Speaker 1: X for the shipping and the workers and of course
Speaker 1: profit participation, profit sharing. You know what percentage of the
Speaker 1: profits that you want from this, I assume it at
Speaker 1: least be fifty percent. She says, no, no, no, I did this.
Speaker 1: I'm a friend. That's it. There's no other reason, boom bingo.
Speaker 1: I knew she was a different person, cut from a
Speaker 1: different cloth. Then she just did it because it's the
Speaker 1: right thing to do. Here's a good cheat sheet for
Speaker 1: a relationship. A giver and a giver exotic, A giver
Speaker 1: her to taker neurotic, A taker and a taker psychotic.
Speaker 1: I'll say that in reverse, A taker and a taker psychotic,
Speaker 1: A giver and a taker neurotic, A giver and a
Speaker 1: giver exotic. Which one do you have? Are we looking
Speaker 1: over your mate while they sleep cock eyed and blaming
Speaker 1: it on me? I'm just making it plain. So marriages
Speaker 1: came from a business situation. We want to make it
Speaker 1: all romantic. Look, most things in life in balance are
Speaker 1: pretty healthy. Alcohol taken in moderation will lower your blood pressure.
Speaker 1: Wine drugs and moderation are prescribed right. The sleeping moderation
Speaker 1: will revitalize you over sleep. That's called depression, and it
Speaker 1: will make you more tired if you're sleeping all day
Speaker 1: and all night every day. So most things in moderation
Speaker 1: are healthy and good for you. So you can have
Speaker 1: this case of making sure your partner can raise children,
Speaker 1: can mentor those kids, can run a household, can manage finances,
Speaker 1: manage your budget, help you make decisions, make make you
Speaker 1: a better person. Two plus two six eight ten two
Speaker 1: plus two egos four two plus two equals three. Meaning
Speaker 1: you're dragging this person all the way through their life
Speaker 1: and day babysitting an adult. And my opinion is going
Speaker 1: to cost you a lot. So now what by actually
Speaker 1: not answering these questions, I've actually answered a lot of
Speaker 1: these questions. How does marriage work? Who should you marry?
Speaker 1: What should be a part of the courting process? Thoughts
Speaker 1: on pre nupts. Look, I knew a friend who married
Speaker 1: a sister and he had a prenup and that person
Speaker 1: was asked to write the prenup and they wrote a
Speaker 1: bad prenup. And now this is on the front end
Speaker 1: of this relationship. They're madly in love. Whatever, So the
Speaker 1: man asked the woman to write the prenup just to
Speaker 1: show him. She was trying to show her how much
Speaker 1: he trusted. And you know how this wasn't a big deal.
Speaker 1: Was just he was trying to protect his assets and
Speaker 1: you know, formality, so on and so forth in case
Speaker 1: something happened to her or whatever or whatever, who will knows,
Speaker 1: in case things got messy. But he wanted to make
Speaker 1: sure she was taken care of. And so he wasn't
Speaker 1: trying to take advantage of her, just saying, hey, I
Speaker 1: made this money, this wealth before I met you, right,
Speaker 1: and I'm just you know, let what let's build something.
Speaker 1: What we build together is ours, right, And she went
Speaker 1: and wrote this prenup that was no good and she
Speaker 1: knew that from Jump Street. So when they broke up,
Speaker 1: it was, you know, a series of uncomfortable conversations. And
Speaker 1: imagine how that guy felt. Right, and this could happen
Speaker 1: the other way around. By the way the households, Black
Speaker 1: households are run by women. In many cases, the woman
Speaker 1: is the one bringing in the big bucks, and it
Speaker 1: might be her that her net worth and income. I've
Speaker 1: know of a situation I can think of right now
Speaker 1: where oh, I'm thinking about a specific situation. And this
Speaker 1: was a very wealthy couple. You used to stay at
Speaker 1: their house all the time in California when I traveled
Speaker 1: there in northern California. He romanced her white couple and
Speaker 1: married her, made her feel safe, said he was this
Speaker 1: big baller. She was actually already doing very well. She
Speaker 1: bought the houses and all that stuff, and he went
Speaker 1: off and did his thing anyway. They did his thing, me,
Speaker 1: not their thing, did his thing for himself. They get
Speaker 1: a divorce and she and he takes her to the cleaners,
Speaker 1: and because ultimately it finds out he has nothing and
Speaker 1: she's the one making the money, she has to pay
Speaker 1: him alimony, even though he's the jerk in the whole situation,
Speaker 1: which clearly was a manipulation and a setup from jump.
Speaker 1: In both these situations, a person knew from day one
Speaker 1: they were manipulating the other and had intended to get
Speaker 1: in that marriage for financial gain, not because they love
Speaker 1: the other person. And this person, this lady I know,
Speaker 1: is still just retreated from social life in some ways
Speaker 1: because she's so hurt. And I get that right. So
Speaker 1: it's not about the prenup, it's about the people writing it.
Speaker 1: So you can have a situation where there is no
Speaker 1: prenup but the person's character is strong so that you
Speaker 1: don't need one, or you have a prenup because people
Speaker 1: are like, well, of course I don't want and it's
Speaker 1: not mine, and sure, so this is cool. Think about
Speaker 1: the situation with Kevin Costner recently where they had children
Speaker 1: and seemingly a great relationship and then they didn't and
Speaker 1: she went off, and it appears when I mean, I'm
Speaker 1: not saying Kevin Costner was a saint. I'm sure he
Speaker 1: was an interesting person, maybe hard to deal with, but
Speaker 1: it seems like both of them were full of drama.
Speaker 1: She went off and did her thing you fill in
Speaker 1: the blanks, and she started asking for a mint like
Speaker 1: day one, and the judge denied her, and he had
Speaker 1: and there was a prenup and the judge upheld it.
Speaker 1: I believe she still got a nice check, but it
Speaker 1: was a fraction of what she wanted every month and
Speaker 1: what she wanted in the end, and God don't like ugly,
Speaker 1: and it didn't turn out so nice for the people
Speaker 1: trying to manipulate him in that situation. But both of
Speaker 1: them are miserable now they're not. There's no winners in
Speaker 1: a divorce. It's a death right, so you can have
Speaker 1: all the money in the world, and instead doesn't guarantee
Speaker 1: you of being happy. So our marriage is bad contracts. No,
Speaker 1: they're wonderful. It's about bad people. So marriages, like money,
Speaker 1: like success, just amplifies who you really are already. If
Speaker 1: you're a good person, money success marriage just makes you
Speaker 1: a better person. If you're a bad person, you're a jerk.
Speaker 1: It just makes you a bigger jerk. Right, So as
Speaker 1: you need to do is understand the origin story. I
Speaker 1: try to lay some of that out. I don't use
Speaker 1: notes when I do this stuff, so I'm just telling you,
Speaker 1: giving you a sense of where my head is. You know,
Speaker 1: on these topics. There's probably a dozen more examples of
Speaker 1: the origins of marriage. I gave you a European example.
Speaker 1: I gave you an Indian example. I gave you an
Speaker 1: Middle Eastern example. I gave you, you know, the Western example.
Speaker 1: You're living it. And I've told you about the millennial
Speaker 1: sort of approach to this, or the young people's approach
Speaker 1: to this, which is, I don't know blinging approach to this,
Speaker 1: which is you know this almost in the moment only situation,
Speaker 1: which you don't want to make a decision in an
Speaker 1: instant that creators your life forever, and you know, you
Speaker 1: get hooked up with the wrong person with ill intent,
Speaker 1: and it will follow you forever. I mean, there are
Speaker 1: people who will target you to hook up with you,
Speaker 1: to connect you with them for life through a child,
Speaker 1: and they don't love you, they love the situation. There
Speaker 1: was another podcaster I'd lot to give him credit. I
Speaker 1: can't remember his name. At the moment, he was like,
Speaker 1: most relationships are conditional, is conditioned upon you know, do
Speaker 1: you fund me, do you sponsor me? Do you take something?
Speaker 1: And if you don't do that, then the contract's over.
Speaker 1: You know, you don't believe me. Look at what happens
Speaker 1: five years after an NFL player leaves the NFL. The
Speaker 1: contract's over. Look, don't trust me. The vast majority of marriages,
Speaker 1: the vast majority, end in divorce within five years of
Speaker 1: a professional NFL player or NBA player losing their job. Hello,
Speaker 1: So we could go on with this forever. I hope
Speaker 1: you found this valuable. I am a fan of relationships.
Speaker 1: I'm a fan of love. But love is work. Non
Speaker 1: love is laziness. Anti love is evil. Evil exists, but
Speaker 1: it's very rare. Most people are just lazy, financially lazy,
Speaker 1: spiritually lazy, intellectually lazy, emotionally lazy. They don't want to
Speaker 1: do the work, They want somebody to do it for them.
Speaker 1: And only in the dictionary does the success come before
Speaker 1: the word work because it's alphabetical. So love is work
Speaker 1: and I believe God is love. Get that love is
Speaker 1: work and I believe God is love. So why wouldn't
Speaker 1: if God separate man and woman as a spirit so
Speaker 1: that we might come together as a union to learn
Speaker 1: from each other. Because you don't grow except through constructive friction,
Speaker 1: then why wouldn't you want to be in a relationship,
Speaker 1: to have a union, to have a bond. But you
Speaker 1: need to make sure that when you connect with somebody,
Speaker 1: that person is a long term player. They're playing for
Speaker 1: the marathon, not the one hundred yard dash. They're playing
Speaker 1: for the long, long haul and not for the short sell.
Speaker 1: They are a win win, not win lose. They are
Speaker 1: a giver and a giver, not a taker and a
Speaker 1: giver meaning you, because that will end badly. You want
Speaker 1: exotic A giver and a giver is exotic. You want
Speaker 1: to thus go through the process of marriage counseling. If
Speaker 1: you have to talk to a pastor, if you have
Speaker 1: to talk to a marriage counselor, if you have to
Speaker 1: upset that twice because I want to emphasize it. Talk
Speaker 1: to yourself. Whatever decision you make emotionally is a bad decision. Hello,
Speaker 1: Whatever decision you make purely emotionally is a bad decision.
Speaker 1: Just be thoughtful about it. And if somebody really loves you,
Speaker 1: they're not going to run away because you're not making
Speaker 1: a decision in this instant, or making a decision irrationally,
Speaker 1: or because you want to just simply protect what you've
Speaker 1: built your whole life and not put it at risk.
Speaker 1: Because you have fallen in love with somebody, you think
Speaker 1: you have a un reasonable about it right, and you
Speaker 1: would never want to hurt somebody you love. So if
Speaker 1: a relationship doesn't work out, you should want them to
Speaker 1: be good when you are done, particularly if they're raising
Speaker 1: your children. Why would you want to penalize somebody raising
Speaker 1: your children. You're penalizing your child. And please never use
Speaker 1: your children as pongs and negotiating points between relationships. And
Speaker 1: stop all this baby daddy and baby I'm not getting
Speaker 1: off way off script now, but stop all this baby
Speaker 1: daddy and baby mama stuff. Nobody, no kid wants to
Speaker 1: think that they are baby daddy situation of mommy daddy.
Speaker 1: I can't get this out of my mouth straight. I'm
Speaker 1: so frustrated about it. You want a mother and a father,
Speaker 1: you want parents? Hello? Can I get an amen? No,
Speaker 1: baby daddy, no, baby mama. I don't know what that
Speaker 1: is you want. This is my mother and this is
Speaker 1: my father. These are my parents, and they love me
Speaker 1: whole and complete. My mother told me she loved me
Speaker 1: when Nita Smith, God bless her, God rest her soul,
Speaker 1: and God bless her. So she told me every day,
Speaker 1: I love you. She told me, I love you every
Speaker 1: day of my life. There's nothing more powerful than a
Speaker 1: child being told they're loved by their parent. Nothing. So
Speaker 1: there's a difference between being broken being poor. Being broken
Speaker 1: is economic. Being poor is a disabling frame of mind,
Speaker 1: a depressed condition of your spirit. EMA's vow never ever
Speaker 1: ever to be poor again. That is the ethos of
Speaker 1: Operation Hope to this very day, by the way, come
Speaker 1: to Operation Hope for counseling, for financial counseling as part
Speaker 1: of that marriage counseling at marriage AD marriage planning process.
Speaker 1: Because you want to buy a home, you want to
Speaker 1: make investments, you want to build together. You want to
Speaker 1: build together that's what you want to be, that's what
Speaker 1: you want to do. You want to build together. You're
Speaker 1: not building together, then what are you doing? You can
Speaker 1: be single and just date each other, like if you're
Speaker 1: not building something, what are you doing? You don't have
Speaker 1: to be marriages because you're a madically attracted to somebody
Speaker 1: and that cannot be the only criteria. Can me get
Speaker 1: off my horse here? Start riding another one? An award
Speaker 1: this one out fan question. Samantha Soupei s A M
Speaker 1: T h E. Underscore s Upe from Instagram says, just
Speaker 1: move from Detroit to Chicago. Rental rates are crazy? How
Speaker 1: should I prep my budget carefully? Is the answer? Yeah,
Speaker 1: Detroit is going to have a lower cost of living
Speaker 1: than Chicago by by far. The further you get away
Speaker 1: from the from the Senate of Chicago, the further get
Speaker 1: away from the center of enterprise business activity, the cheaper
Speaker 1: the rental rates are going to be. Also, you want
Speaker 1: to think about maybe you had an your own apartment
Speaker 1: or your own house that you rented in Detroit, but
Speaker 1: when you get to Chicago, you may want to think
Speaker 1: about an apartment or an efficiency suite. You may want
Speaker 1: to have roommates, you may get a house and then
Speaker 1: and then get creative and do an airbnb situation on
Speaker 1: some of the rooms of the home, having somebody else
Speaker 1: to pay the bills for you. Similar it's like the
Speaker 1: reverse of a roommate. Well, it's actually the business version
Speaker 1: of a roommate. Go to operation hope they will help
Speaker 1: you create a budget. You don't want to spend more
Speaker 1: if you can than a thirty eree income on your housing.
Speaker 1: My father spent a half of our income on housing.
Speaker 1: So poor and struggling families sometimes because they have less
Speaker 1: complicated life. Sometimes it can work if you really are
Speaker 1: thoughtful about your bills, to spend half of your income
Speaker 1: on housing. But you know, my family has a lot
Speaker 1: of other expenses, so housing cannot be the overwhelming expense.
Speaker 1: But a but when I was coming up, we were
Speaker 1: a lower income and housing was the most expensive thing
Speaker 1: we had in our house. And we didn't have multiple
Speaker 1: cars and all that stuff. We had a house and
Speaker 1: we had a car. So my father made that a work,
Speaker 1: but it was handed hand combat every month. So don't
Speaker 1: feel bad if you're just struggling here, but you need
Speaker 1: to trip pull every trick of the trade out of
Speaker 1: the toolbox. Earn income tax credit. If you're making less
Speaker 1: than sixty thousand dollars a year, you got a check
Speaker 1: coming to you from the federal government. If you're living
Speaker 1: in Detroit and you're a teacher and you moved to
Speaker 1: Chicago and you make thirty eight thousand dollars a year,
Speaker 1: you're going to need to have be creative about housing.
Speaker 1: And if you have three children when you'd made that move,
Speaker 1: you're going to also be able to get a check
Speaker 1: back from the federal government of about sixty five hundred dollars.
Speaker 1: And if you never filed EITC, it's retroactive for three years,
Speaker 1: so there's now almost twenty thousand dollars as a starting
Speaker 1: point for your new life in Chicago. Go to Operation
Speaker 1: to Hope to explain how to do all of that
Speaker 1: for you, and good luck. This is John O'Brien. This
Speaker 1: is Money and Wealth. This was a firecracker of an episode.
Speaker 1: I'm sure you're many things at the moment, but you're
Speaker 1: on board. I'm out. Money and Wealth with John O'Brien
Speaker 1: is a production of the Black Effect Podcast Network. For
Speaker 1: more podcasts from the Black Effect Podcast Network, visit the
Speaker 1: iHeartRadio app Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to your
Speaker 1: favorite shows. The dep