1 00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:10,320 Speaker 1: You confession I can't take back o arms mouth speak 2 00:00:11,400 --> 00:00:14,280 Speaker 1: Text to sevent eighty five nine two says accidentally crashed 3 00:00:14,280 --> 00:00:18,240 Speaker 1: my wife's car caused four thousand dollars worth of damage. 4 00:00:19,160 --> 00:00:22,240 Speaker 1: I told her I crashed because the sun blinded me 5 00:00:22,280 --> 00:00:25,400 Speaker 1: for a second. But what really caused it was a 6 00:00:25,440 --> 00:00:28,600 Speaker 1: really hot woman driving a roge over next to me. 7 00:00:28,840 --> 00:00:33,080 Speaker 1: Whow See. This is why hot people shouldn't be allowed 8 00:00:33,120 --> 00:00:41,360 Speaker 1: to drive, period, or that's what's called karma. Okay, hot 9 00:00:41,400 --> 00:00:44,440 Speaker 1: people are a danger to everyone. But we will allow 10 00:00:44,479 --> 00:00:46,120 Speaker 1: hot people to come on the show and tell us 11 00:00:46,120 --> 00:00:49,680 Speaker 1: their secrets anonymously, of course. And we have what I 12 00:00:49,680 --> 00:00:52,879 Speaker 1: can only assume is an absolutely gorgeous woman on the 13 00:00:52,880 --> 00:00:55,440 Speaker 1: phone right now, ready to come clean about her life. 14 00:00:55,520 --> 00:00:58,760 Speaker 1: She's chosen Lauren as her fake name. So Lauren, welcome 15 00:00:58,760 --> 00:00:59,960 Speaker 1: to the show. 16 00:01:00,040 --> 00:01:01,760 Speaker 2: Hi guys, how you doing? Wow? 17 00:01:02,440 --> 00:01:05,360 Speaker 3: The boys can barely contain themselves. They're stunned by your beauty. 18 00:01:05,680 --> 00:01:07,800 Speaker 1: She didn't deny her beauty when I brought it up. 19 00:01:08,400 --> 00:01:09,160 Speaker 1: It just fell down. 20 00:01:09,319 --> 00:01:11,760 Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm okaylous. 21 00:01:11,800 --> 00:01:13,480 Speaker 1: We have a ten out of ten on the phone. 22 00:01:13,520 --> 00:01:16,240 Speaker 1: The voice changer is on. You are the mass speaker, Lauren, 23 00:01:16,400 --> 00:01:18,160 Speaker 1: So whenever you're ready, let's hear your confession. 24 00:01:18,920 --> 00:01:22,720 Speaker 2: Oh my god, okay, thank you. So I have a 25 00:01:22,880 --> 00:01:26,640 Speaker 2: daughter in elementary school, and last year, when she was 26 00:01:26,640 --> 00:01:29,440 Speaker 2: in first grade, I volunteered to be a class parent. 27 00:01:29,720 --> 00:01:32,840 Speaker 3: Oh yeah, I've been a class for every year, all 28 00:01:32,880 --> 00:01:33,360 Speaker 3: the years. 29 00:01:33,520 --> 00:01:35,920 Speaker 1: You say that with so much joy in your voice. Broke, 30 00:01:36,600 --> 00:01:37,320 Speaker 1: it's actually. 31 00:01:37,080 --> 00:01:39,200 Speaker 3: Pretty fun because it's like a way to be involved 32 00:01:39,240 --> 00:01:41,120 Speaker 3: in your kids school without having to be part of 33 00:01:41,120 --> 00:01:43,000 Speaker 3: the PTA, which is. 34 00:01:43,200 --> 00:01:46,240 Speaker 2: Important, really important, but just really love meetings. 35 00:01:46,319 --> 00:01:46,880 Speaker 3: That's the problem. 36 00:01:46,920 --> 00:01:50,440 Speaker 1: Maybe we'll stop asking Brooke questions about the school getting 37 00:01:50,440 --> 00:01:51,200 Speaker 1: herself in trouble. 38 00:01:51,200 --> 00:01:52,920 Speaker 3: Okay, wait, there's no voice changer a on my voice. 39 00:01:52,920 --> 00:01:56,000 Speaker 1: No, that's cool. You volunteered to be a class parent 40 00:01:56,080 --> 00:01:58,280 Speaker 1: for one day, you said, Yeah, I've. 41 00:01:58,200 --> 00:02:00,880 Speaker 2: Been just helping out the teacher for really this one day, 42 00:02:01,240 --> 00:02:03,560 Speaker 2: just one day, Okay, but good I do it all year. 43 00:02:03,840 --> 00:02:07,000 Speaker 1: Okay, it's not a competition, bro it's fine. 44 00:02:07,400 --> 00:02:09,440 Speaker 3: I'm kidding. I'm kidding. That's great. So you went into 45 00:02:09,480 --> 00:02:10,040 Speaker 3: the classroom. 46 00:02:10,639 --> 00:02:13,040 Speaker 2: Yeah, and then while the kids went out to recess, 47 00:02:13,200 --> 00:02:16,760 Speaker 2: it was my job to tidy up the classroom. I'm 48 00:02:16,760 --> 00:02:19,119 Speaker 2: putting like the art supplies away, and just like reorganizing 49 00:02:19,120 --> 00:02:19,639 Speaker 2: the cubbies. 50 00:02:19,960 --> 00:02:20,919 Speaker 3: That's nice, man. 51 00:02:20,960 --> 00:02:23,040 Speaker 1: We used to hit the cleanup song. I love that 52 00:02:23,120 --> 00:02:26,079 Speaker 1: clean clean everybody. 53 00:02:30,560 --> 00:02:32,040 Speaker 3: Sure you did as good of a job as you 54 00:02:32,040 --> 00:02:34,000 Speaker 3: think you did it. 55 00:02:34,080 --> 00:02:39,400 Speaker 1: I just sing the song hands yeah, okay. 56 00:02:39,040 --> 00:02:40,960 Speaker 2: No, I was just singing that song to myself. And 57 00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:44,399 Speaker 2: then I thought i'd be extra helpful by cleaning out 58 00:02:44,440 --> 00:02:46,160 Speaker 2: the cage of the classroom pet. 59 00:02:46,960 --> 00:02:50,040 Speaker 1: Wow, okay, that's gross, extra helpful. What kind of pet? 60 00:02:50,400 --> 00:02:52,960 Speaker 2: It was a guinea pig named Peanut. 61 00:02:54,760 --> 00:02:56,400 Speaker 3: It always sucks. So when your kid gets in those 62 00:02:56,400 --> 00:02:58,280 Speaker 3: classes because then there's an email like who's going to 63 00:02:58,320 --> 00:02:59,880 Speaker 3: take the guinea pig home for the summer? 64 00:03:01,880 --> 00:03:04,960 Speaker 1: Okay, so you're cleaning peanuts cage. 65 00:03:05,200 --> 00:03:08,320 Speaker 2: So I opened up the cage and I just put 66 00:03:08,400 --> 00:03:09,880 Speaker 2: Peanut down on one of the desks. 67 00:03:10,000 --> 00:03:14,959 Speaker 3: No, what, what do you know anything about guinea pigs? 68 00:03:15,040 --> 00:03:17,919 Speaker 2: They're not going to stay. I really didn't. I really 69 00:03:17,919 --> 00:03:19,160 Speaker 2: didn't know anything about the. 70 00:03:21,240 --> 00:03:22,680 Speaker 1: Pig family. They're not lazy. 71 00:03:22,520 --> 00:03:23,799 Speaker 2: They sit there. 72 00:03:24,240 --> 00:03:26,359 Speaker 3: How long before Peanut ran away? 73 00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:33,240 Speaker 2: It was it was fast, so really quick. He just 74 00:03:33,320 --> 00:03:35,320 Speaker 2: dashes off the desk. He sturries across the room and 75 00:03:35,320 --> 00:03:37,160 Speaker 2: he's flistened to this gap behind a bookshelf. 76 00:03:37,280 --> 00:03:39,960 Speaker 1: Oh yeah, And. 77 00:03:39,960 --> 00:03:43,240 Speaker 2: So I look behind the bookshelf and there's an air vent. 78 00:03:43,760 --> 00:03:52,080 Speaker 3: Oh you no later peanuts? Yeah, oh man, he's in 79 00:03:52,160 --> 00:03:52,840 Speaker 3: the vents. 80 00:03:52,640 --> 00:03:54,560 Speaker 1: Now, he's got a little zipline. He's just like. 81 00:03:56,800 --> 00:03:57,280 Speaker 2: Done. 82 00:03:57,640 --> 00:03:58,480 Speaker 1: So what did you do? 83 00:03:58,920 --> 00:03:59,080 Speaker 3: Well? 84 00:03:59,560 --> 00:04:02,800 Speaker 2: I'm king, and I'm wondering, how do you learn a 85 00:04:02,840 --> 00:04:05,360 Speaker 2: guinea pike out of an air vent? So I'm on 86 00:04:05,400 --> 00:04:09,880 Speaker 2: all fours, I'm shaking its street bag. Okay, and I 87 00:04:09,960 --> 00:04:11,720 Speaker 2: tried squeaking like a guinea pig. 88 00:04:14,960 --> 00:04:16,839 Speaker 3: Your next door in the box? What am I hearing? 89 00:04:17,640 --> 00:04:23,720 Speaker 1: Does does Google translate to guinea pig language? 90 00:04:24,200 --> 00:04:26,400 Speaker 2: It's like racking my brain for some sort of like 91 00:04:26,560 --> 00:04:27,880 Speaker 2: guinea pig maden call? 92 00:04:28,560 --> 00:04:31,640 Speaker 1: Yeah, oh my god, So what did you do? 93 00:04:33,480 --> 00:04:36,200 Speaker 2: Suddenly the bell rings and the kids just start coming 94 00:04:36,240 --> 00:04:37,320 Speaker 2: back into the classroom. 95 00:04:37,640 --> 00:04:40,840 Speaker 3: Oh yeah, put a drape over the cage. 96 00:04:40,920 --> 00:04:41,479 Speaker 2: Guinea pig. 97 00:04:41,760 --> 00:04:42,760 Speaker 3: Peanut needs to sleep. 98 00:04:47,760 --> 00:04:49,600 Speaker 2: I wish I was that smart. No, I just didn't. 99 00:04:49,600 --> 00:04:51,640 Speaker 2: I didn't tell the teacher what happened, especially not in 100 00:04:51,680 --> 00:04:53,440 Speaker 2: front of the kids. I didn't want to traumatize them, 101 00:04:53,720 --> 00:04:55,720 Speaker 2: and I don't want to be known as the irresponsible 102 00:04:56,080 --> 00:04:59,920 Speaker 2: parent who let the class tet escape anything. I close 103 00:05:00,080 --> 00:05:02,640 Speaker 2: a cage. I kind of block it from sight with 104 00:05:02,680 --> 00:05:05,400 Speaker 2: some books, and I hope that no one notices. 105 00:05:07,839 --> 00:05:14,040 Speaker 3: You just left. Yeah, woring, Wait, what was the report 106 00:05:14,040 --> 00:05:16,479 Speaker 3: from your kid? When did everyone realize the guinea pig 107 00:05:16,560 --> 00:05:16,960 Speaker 3: was gone? 108 00:05:18,440 --> 00:05:22,040 Speaker 2: So it was the next day. Actually, my kid came 109 00:05:22,080 --> 00:05:24,560 Speaker 2: back from school and she was just crying, and she 110 00:05:24,680 --> 00:05:27,039 Speaker 2: was like, Peanut escaped her cage in the middle of 111 00:05:27,080 --> 00:05:33,440 Speaker 2: the night. Night and I had to pretend like I 112 00:05:33,560 --> 00:05:37,360 Speaker 2: was completely shocked. Happen. 113 00:05:37,480 --> 00:05:40,360 Speaker 3: That's impossible. Meanwhile, if you would have just told the teacher, 114 00:05:40,440 --> 00:05:42,040 Speaker 3: the teacher would have been like, I've gone through three 115 00:05:42,120 --> 00:05:42,960 Speaker 3: guinea pigs since the. 116 00:05:45,880 --> 00:05:47,279 Speaker 1: Yeah. 117 00:05:46,640 --> 00:05:50,359 Speaker 2: No, I felt so guilty. And the teacher put up 118 00:05:50,360 --> 00:05:53,000 Speaker 2: a lost pet sign on the bulletin. 119 00:05:52,560 --> 00:05:56,800 Speaker 3: Board, and well it's a life lesson and that's what 120 00:05:56,839 --> 00:05:57,479 Speaker 3: school's for. 121 00:05:58,360 --> 00:06:01,040 Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, and then yeah, for the rest of the 122 00:06:01,040 --> 00:06:03,000 Speaker 2: school year, I just I have to walk by this 123 00:06:03,040 --> 00:06:06,320 Speaker 2: poster and whenever I'm coming in to help out, because 124 00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:10,320 Speaker 2: I know, I know the reason Peanut was that he. 125 00:06:12,160 --> 00:06:14,480 Speaker 1: They never figured out that it was you. 126 00:06:14,480 --> 00:06:16,800 Speaker 2: No, to this day, no one knows what happened. Okay. 127 00:06:17,279 --> 00:06:19,040 Speaker 3: I like how that you're putting a lot more volunteer 128 00:06:19,080 --> 00:06:22,720 Speaker 3: hours under your belt out of guilty. That's good for it. 129 00:06:23,279 --> 00:06:24,919 Speaker 2: That's basically it. That's how they got me. 130 00:06:25,160 --> 00:06:29,599 Speaker 3: Yep, she's the president of the PTO. 131 00:06:31,760 --> 00:06:34,920 Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I'm just hoping. I'm hoping Peanut's still alive somewhere. 132 00:06:35,200 --> 00:06:38,960 Speaker 3: I doubt it. 133 00:06:39,920 --> 00:06:42,159 Speaker 1: There is a chance Peanuts listening right now. That's like, 134 00:06:42,240 --> 00:06:46,479 Speaker 1: thank you, lady, you sent me free best day of 135 00:06:46,520 --> 00:06:49,280 Speaker 1: Peanuts life and text in the seven, eight, five nine too. 136 00:06:49,279 --> 00:06:50,880 Speaker 1: If you have a confession you've been holding on to, 137 00:06:51,200 --> 00:06:53,359 Speaker 1: we'll hide your identity, mask your voice, and make you 138 00:06:53,400 --> 00:06:55,400 Speaker 1: our next mass speaker. Your phone TAP's 139 00:06:55,400 --> 00:06:58,440 Speaker 3: Coming up, freaking Jeffrey in the morning.