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Speaker 1: Hey, y'all, welcome back to I Have Some Thoughts, a

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Speaker 1: weekly midi soil series here therapy for Black Girls. But

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Speaker 1: we are talking about all things pop culture, but of

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Speaker 1: course through a mental health alans. And I am back

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Speaker 1: with Bria this week. Abria, right, guys, So what do

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Speaker 1: we have on our list? Todabria, Let's start with Narsmith?

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Speaker 1: So are you familiar with Narsmith?

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Speaker 2: Be a cultzer?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, So for those of you who may not know,

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Speaker 3: she's an influencer. She is best known for her viral

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Speaker 3: cooking videos where she'll make very elaborate from scratch snacks like,

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Speaker 3: for example, my kid wanted some skittles, so I made

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Speaker 3: some from the garden or something like that. But she

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Speaker 3: recently revealed actually that her two year old daughter, Whimsy,

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Speaker 3: was diagnosed with cancer last year.

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Speaker 2: Now.

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Speaker 3: She released a statement via Instagram and a notch that

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Speaker 3: it was not an easy decision whether she wanted to

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Speaker 3: share the news publicly, but also sent thoughts to every

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Speaker 3: family and parent that's walking through a happy moment right now.

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Speaker 3: And I think there's like a broader conversation of like,

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Speaker 3: as a parent, I feel like you want to protect

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Speaker 3: your child from everything and some things you may not

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Speaker 3: have even imagined what happened to your child. But parents

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Speaker 3: often feel like they need to stay strong for their

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Speaker 3: children in these hard times where their child is going

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Speaker 3: through something. So how can caregivers really balance being emotionally

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Speaker 3: present for like a sick child or a child that's

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Speaker 3: dealing with a tough situation, while also tending to their

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Speaker 3: own mental health.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, this is such a tough situation, right, and a

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Speaker 1: tough line to walk, first of all sending their family

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Speaker 1: so much loved. I'm sure that this has not been

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Speaker 1: an easy process. And you know, we've had so many

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Speaker 1: conversations here around like the thing that people struggle.

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Speaker 4: With personally and privately.

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Speaker 1: But then they have a public platform and then there's

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Speaker 1: this pressure to maybe share, right. I'm sure that that

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Speaker 1: was difficult, as she shared. And I think that this

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Speaker 1: is really hard as a parent, the idea that you

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Speaker 1: want to kind of show your kids that you're human,

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Speaker 1: and then you also have fears and anxieties, but also

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Speaker 1: not wanting to adultify them and bring them into an

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Speaker 1: adult's experience.

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Speaker 4: So it is a really tough line.

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Speaker 1: So I think it is okay to have age appropriate

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Speaker 1: conversations with your kids about the things that you're afraid of,

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Speaker 1: and like.

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Speaker 4: Oh, mommy has things that make her worry too, to.

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Speaker 1: Outline or to underscore like the things that kids worry about. Also,

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Speaker 1: but it is also really important to have an adult

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Speaker 1: support system that you can talk to about these things, right,

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Speaker 1: So your partner, your friends, a therapist, a religious leader,

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Speaker 1: whoever is in.

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Speaker 4: Your circle of support.

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Speaker 1: I think is really important because it can't be that

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Speaker 1: you are sharing too much with your kids, right because

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Speaker 1: then that does maybe increase their anxiety. So I think

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Speaker 1: sharing some things is okay, but also making sure that

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Speaker 1: you have adults that you can process these things with

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Speaker 1: as well.

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Speaker 3: No, for sure, I really like the point about making

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Speaker 3: sure that you have that support system of people like

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Speaker 3: you kind of have the level what it is that

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Speaker 3: you're saying to each of the people that you're communicating

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Speaker 3: with within that process. But what are some of the

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Speaker 3: practices or mindsets that parents can use to stay ground

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Speaker 3: in as they're navigating these situations, especially when it's prolonged uncertainty.

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Speaker 3: Obviously we're praying for so much healing for Narsimist's baby,

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Speaker 3: but it's an uncertain period of we don't know how

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Speaker 3: long it will last, or that kind of thing too.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, And I think that this is the reality for

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Speaker 1: family struggling with a chronic illness situation like this, and

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Speaker 1: so I'm sure there are support groups that exist, both

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Speaker 1: in person and virtually that would be helpful.

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Speaker 4: So finding other parents who have struggled in similar ways,

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Speaker 4: and even asking your physician and your care team for

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Speaker 4: community resources to get connected to other people, because so

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Speaker 4: much of this is about the isolation and feeling like,

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Speaker 4: oh my gosh, I don't know what to do, and

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Speaker 4: so talking to other families that their parents and caregivers

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Speaker 4: who have walked a similar path can be really really helpful.

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Speaker 4: I already mentioned therapy.

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Speaker 1: I think that is something that is going to be

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Speaker 1: really really important for anybody who is in a situation

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Speaker 1: like this, because there are so many what if, so

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Speaker 1: many ideas and like fantasies about the life that you

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Speaker 1: thought that you would be living and now that is

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Speaker 1: not the case, right, and so how do you process

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Speaker 1: the grief, like we've talked about, with the reality not

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Speaker 1: matching up with the ideas of what you thought your

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Speaker 1: life would be. And so I think therapy is something

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Speaker 1: that can also be really helpful and be really grounding

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Speaker 1: for people and also as much as possible and not

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Speaker 1: in a frivolous way at all, but like making sure

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Speaker 1: that there are other things that you can lean on, right,

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Speaker 1: So still looking for moments of joy, still looking for

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Speaker 1: moments of livity even when there are situations that are

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Speaker 1: really difficult. Also really helps to keep you grounded in

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Speaker 1: a situation like this.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, no, I love that, And I think even with

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Speaker 3: her saying in her statement that it was like a

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Speaker 3: hard decision to even share it with the internet, like

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Speaker 3: taking a break from the internet's also fine too, Like

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Speaker 3: obviously it's a huge thing to be dealing with, So

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Speaker 3: sending all love and care to her way. Well.

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Speaker 2: So for our next topic, we have Kennedy Ryan.

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Speaker 3: This was actually a suggestion from patreon member aj So

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Speaker 3: if you want to suggest any pop culture topics that

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Speaker 3: we discussed on the shelf of free to come with

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Speaker 3: them in the Patreon as well. But for this story,

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Speaker 3: Kennedy Ryan recently went on a podcast and shared that

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Speaker 3: the name Kennedy Ryan is actually a pseudonym.

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Speaker 1: Now.

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Speaker 3: She said when she first got her book deal, the

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Speaker 3: h R department at her day job said that she

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Speaker 3: needed to use a pseudonym so that none.

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Speaker 2: Of her work was associated with them.

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Speaker 3: This is very common practice within the world of being

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Speaker 3: an author, especially when you're writing romance novels. Kennedy said

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Speaker 3: that she always wanted a daughter, but she never got one,

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Speaker 3: and she said that she knew that she would name

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Speaker 3: this daughter Kennedy Ryan, so she used that for her

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Speaker 3: pseudonym name. But since the interview, Kennedy has been getting

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Speaker 3: a lot of backlash on the internet for what is

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Speaker 3: a very normal practice in the industry. A lot of

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Speaker 3: the criticism is around a lot of people feel duped

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Speaker 3: that this is not her real name, and they felt

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Speaker 3: like they kind of knew this version of Kennedy Ryan

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Speaker 3: and it's not her, and they almost.

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Speaker 2: Feel this level of betrayal.

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Speaker 3: So in this age of social media, I it's just

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Speaker 3: to hear your thoughts. Why do audiences feel like they

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Speaker 3: need to know every detail about someone they admire and

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Speaker 3: why do they almost feel betrayed when they realize they

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Speaker 3: don't know everything.

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Speaker 1: I'm not always super familiar with the list of things

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Speaker 1: that we talk about here, and I had heard aglis

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Speaker 1: of this story, but I didn't First of all, I

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Speaker 1: didn't know Kennedy Ryan wasn't her actual name, so.

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Speaker 2: I didn't either. This was my first time we're hearing this, but.

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Speaker 1: It really makes me think about the podcast episode we

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Speaker 1: had recently with doctor Maya Hoskin around hero social relationships.

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Speaker 1: And I really feel like the Internet has brought us

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Speaker 1: some amazing things, but it has also really rotted our brains,

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Speaker 1: I think in lots of ways that people don't even realize.

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Speaker 1: And I think especially for people who didn't necessarily have

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Speaker 1: the pre Internet life and after Internet life, like people

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Speaker 1: who have really grown up with like the Internet being

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Speaker 1: their primary means of communication, really don't have a balance of, oh,

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Speaker 1: this is how things were done when we weren't all

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Speaker 1: connected to millions of people across the world. I think

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Speaker 1: the Internet just really flattens our humanity, right, Like we

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Speaker 1: exist almost in these little boxes where we are almost

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Speaker 1: avatars to one another as opposed to actual, living, breathing humans,

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Speaker 1: And so I think it really important to take a

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Speaker 1: step back and think about would I say this thing

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Speaker 1: or do this thing that I'm doing online if this

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Speaker 1: person were actually in front of my face. And I

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Speaker 1: think for a lot of people who act out online

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Speaker 1: in this way, they would not necessarily act this way

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Speaker 1: in person, and so I think we really need to

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Speaker 1: take a step back and realize that these are actual

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Speaker 1: humans that we are dealing with.

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Speaker 4: And to the point of feeling betrayed.

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Speaker 1: By this not being her name, I'm really curious as

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Speaker 1: to what has changed since like the name change, right,

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Speaker 1: Like you still enjoyed the stories, you know, you still

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Speaker 1: loved her work, Like why is her name being different

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Speaker 1: something that is like such a heel to die on.

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Speaker 1: It is a very odd thing to me. And I

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Speaker 1: think whenever you see a reaction that feels outside to

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Speaker 1: what the actual event is, it is usually something deeper.

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Speaker 1: And so I did encourage people to like dig deeper

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Speaker 1: into why are you reacting so strongly to someone? Like

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Speaker 1: you said a completely normal practice when people write romance,

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Speaker 1: Like why are you reacting so.

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Speaker 4: Strongly to this? And what is it really about?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I was.

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Speaker 3: Thinking more on this last night because I was really

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Speaker 3: just so confused just to like what all the hoopla

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Speaker 3: was about. And I think it's so interesting because it's

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Speaker 3: like there's certain fandoms that you could tell them anything

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Speaker 3: about a person, it doesn't matter if it's like good

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Speaker 3: or bad, and they're still standing like ten toes for

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Speaker 3: this person and the celebrity like this author, whoever it is,

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Speaker 3: and then there's just like this other layer of it

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Speaker 3: where it's one little thing and everyone's turned on them.

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Speaker 3: It's really like such an interesting dichotomy, honestly.

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Speaker 1: But you know, I also want to ambrya I think

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Speaker 1: we cannot exclude or look over the fact that Kennedy

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Speaker 1: is a black woman, right, and so I do think

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Speaker 1: that there is a sense of entitlement, of course, to

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Speaker 1: black women's privacy, and like, if you exist online, then

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Speaker 1: I have to know everything about you, And because I'm

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Speaker 1: a supporter, I am entitled to these things, and so

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Speaker 1: I am sure that.

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Speaker 4: That heightened the situation with Kennedy as well.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and this is something that I feel like a

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Speaker 3: lot of whether it's authors, celebrities, musicians, go through. But

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Speaker 3: even everyday people, like people having so much access to

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Speaker 3: each other's lives via social media Instagram stories, you really

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Speaker 3: just press a button in any moment of your life

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Speaker 3: is on the internet. So how can everyday people set

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Speaker 3: have healthier boundaries around what they share online without feeling

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Speaker 3: like they're being authentic?

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Speaker 1: I would also encourage us to like investigate this idea

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Speaker 1: of authenticity on the.

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Speaker 4: Internet, because food does that really serve?

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Speaker 1: Right? Like I think you know, of course, in like

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Speaker 1: the marketing and sales world, people talk about like people

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Speaker 1: buy from people they know like and trust, right, and

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Speaker 1: so some of it I think comes from that. But

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Speaker 1: if you aren't actually like selling anything, and you're just

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Speaker 1: a person existing on the internet, what are you really

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Speaker 1: leaning into when you lean into this idea of authenticity, right,

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Speaker 1: Because really it does open you up in some ways

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Speaker 1: to this Not again that any of this behavior is okay,

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Speaker 1: but why are you wanting to be so authentic online

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Speaker 1: with a bunch of strangers as opposed to cultivating smaller

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Speaker 1: groups of people that you know, whether it's virtually or

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Speaker 1: in person, places where you actually trust these people and

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Speaker 1: kind of get to know them, as opposed to just

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Speaker 1: sharing random thoughts online. Because authenticity, while it is good

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Speaker 1: for virality, is often really bad for your mental health.

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Speaker 4: When we're talking about online spaces.

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Speaker 1: And so really thinking about why do I want to

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Speaker 1: even be so authentic and what am I getting out

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Speaker 1: of this situation?

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Speaker 3: I totally a great yeah, and I feel like it.

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Speaker 3: Not all the roads lead back to COVID, but I

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Speaker 3: feel like it really does feel like a lot of

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Speaker 3: it changed with the twenty twenty pandemic, but how people

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Speaker 3: are like engaging on social media, I feel like it

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Speaker 3: just went up a few notches after that too.

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Speaker 4: I agree. I agree, we can love that more. From

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Speaker 4: our conversation after the break.

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Speaker 3: And for our last story, we have R and B

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Speaker 3: singer India I Ree. She took to threads to share

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Speaker 3: her opinion on Young Miami's song spinnet Now have you

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Speaker 3: heard this song?

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Speaker 2: I okay cool?

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: A lot of people are calling it song this summer.

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Speaker 3: It reached number twenty five on the Billboard Hot one

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Speaker 3: hundred list this past week. A user on threads a

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Speaker 3: couple of days ago called for a boycott of the song,

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Speaker 3: saying it's degrading to the culture. If you haven't heard

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Speaker 3: the song, it references scamming, boosting, stealing things, reselling them,

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Speaker 3: that kind of thing.

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Speaker 2: This user on.

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Speaker 3: Threads called for a boycott of the song, saying that

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Speaker 3: it's degrading to the culture, and India Iri responded to

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Speaker 3: that threat, saying basically that she agreed and that everything

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Speaker 3: that you listen to or will influence you, and.

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Speaker 2: That quote not everyone.

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Speaker 3: Wants to be free now This has led to a

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Speaker 3: lot of discussion online because many just feel like it's

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Speaker 3: a fun summer song like to enjoy. It's something that's

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Speaker 3: catchy that people are just really liking. But many are

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Speaker 3: considering if songs like this are actually able to influence

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Speaker 3: our thoughts.

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Speaker 2: Beliefs, and behaviors.

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Speaker 3: So what does psychology tell us about how repeated.

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Speaker 2: Messages and music and media how can.

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Speaker 3: Those shape our attitudes or relationships and the way we

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Speaker 3: express ourselves too?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, so, I mean I don't think any of this

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Speaker 1: is necessarily a bad idea, right, Like, we do know

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Speaker 1: that the messages we get through media, TV, online spaces

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Speaker 1: that does influence us to a certain extent, right, And

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Speaker 1: so if we're using the analogy of everything that you

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Speaker 1: eat also impacts your health and those kinds of things.

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Speaker 4: We know that all things in moderation are okay.

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Speaker 1: Right now, do you want to have a diet that

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Speaker 1: consists completely of doritos?

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Speaker 4: Probably not, but it is okay to have.

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Speaker 1: Some doritos if and now and then right, and so

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Speaker 1: the same with our media diet, right, I think it

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Speaker 1: is okay for some songs to just be frivolous, fun

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Speaker 1: beats to grove to and like have fun too, and

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Speaker 1: then other things that actually, like we hold up as

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Speaker 1: like a symbol of representation for us and those kinds

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Speaker 1: of things.

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Speaker 4: But it is okay to kind of have a variety

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Speaker 4: of things.

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Speaker 1: And I think these kinds of conversations often come back

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Speaker 1: to the lack of visibility that black artists have, right, Like,

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Speaker 1: would there be so much concern about spend that if

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Speaker 1: we had a lot of other representation, But because it

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Speaker 1: only feels like the industry will kind of hold up

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Speaker 1: one black girl at a time, then there is outsized

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Speaker 1: attention on songs like this, right, And so I think

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Speaker 1: it's totally fine to have fun songs, but also make

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Speaker 1: sure that you are getting your ideas about who you

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Speaker 1: are are and what black people are in the world

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Speaker 1: from more places than just music videos.

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Speaker 3: No, definitely, And so how can people just remind themselves

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Speaker 3: to be intentional about the media that they're consuming without

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Speaker 3: particularly believing that it's going to influence or determine who

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Speaker 3: they become in the long run.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I do think it could influence you in some ways, right,

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Speaker 1: And again, get goes back to my point of like,

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Speaker 1: if you're only listening to messaging like this, then it

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Speaker 1: may not be the best for you, But if you

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Speaker 1: have a well rounded, so to speak, media diet of

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Speaker 1: things that are a little more silly and kind of

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Speaker 1: just fun to dance to versus Okay, this is the

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Speaker 1: kind of music I listened to when I'm wanting to

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Speaker 1: feel grounded or when I'm wanting.

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Speaker 4: To feel powerful.

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Speaker 1: Right, Like, we know that we listen to different things

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Speaker 1: for different kinds of reasons, and so I think it

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Speaker 1: really is about being intentional about cultivating your playlist and

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Speaker 1: like going to different songs for different reasons, and also

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Speaker 1: again making sure that you are grounded in community in

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Speaker 1: real life. Right So, if your only representation and your

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Speaker 1: only connection to black women is through music, then I

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Speaker 1: think that there is also something going on, right like

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Speaker 1: that you need to dig deeper into what does it

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Speaker 1: look like to kind of have mentors and role models

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Speaker 1: of people in your community, teachers in your school, faith leaders,

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Speaker 1: Right Like, it needs to move beyond just the music

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Speaker 1: and also into what's happening in your actual real life.

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Speaker 2: I totally agree.

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Speaker 3: One last question for you, This is kind of a kurveball,

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Speaker 3: but do you have a vote for Song of the Summer?

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Speaker 4: Ooh, I don't.

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Speaker 1: Feel like I'm hearing any other songs besides Spend that now.

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Speaker 1: I also don't listen to a bunch of music, right,

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Speaker 1: It's so much more like a podcast kind of person,

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Speaker 1: So I'm not listening to a lot of music.

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Speaker 4: So that is like the song that I probably hear

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Speaker 4: the most.

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Speaker 1: But what are even out there, like in the same

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Speaker 1: range in your mind?

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Speaker 3: I feel like the only other song and I'm kind

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Speaker 3: of like you, I'll only listen to like once I

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Speaker 3: hear a song on TikTok, I'll like listen to it,

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Speaker 3: but it's either Don Tolliver.

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Speaker 2: Eighty five or Octane. I can't remember which one it is.

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Speaker 4: What that is?

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Speaker 2: It's another song that's just everywhere on.

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Speaker 3: TikTok too, and I feel like it's my bote would

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Speaker 3: be one of those, but I feel like spend thats

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Speaker 3: everywhere right now.

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Speaker 1: Yes, see, for sure, I don't think it's so funny that,

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Speaker 1: like so much about music is impacted by what we

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Speaker 1: hear on TikTok now, which of course is like a thing, right, So.

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Speaker 4: I think that that could be an interesting conversation for

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Speaker 4: another day.

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Speaker 2: No, for sure. Well, that wraps up our topics for

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Speaker 2: the week Perfect.

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Speaker 1: Thank you for those topics where you're always fun to

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Speaker 1: chat with you and, as Ya mentioned, if there are

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Speaker 1: things that you would like to share with us, you

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Speaker 1: can always send us suggestions at Therapy for Black Girls

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Speaker 1: dot com slash mail box, and you can also join

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Speaker 1: our patreons submit your topics as well.

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Speaker 4: Until next time, taking care of yourself.