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Speaker 1: You're listening to a Live Again, a production of Psycopia

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Speaker 1: Pictures and iHeart Podcasts.

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Speaker 2: My name is Scott McCoy. I'm a musician and have

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Speaker 2: toured the world with artists like rim M Ward and

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Speaker 2: Robin Hitchcock. I've also started bands as a songwriter and singer,

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Speaker 2: like The Minus Five, The Baseball Project, and The Young

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Speaker 2: Fresh Fellows. On November fifteenth, twenty seventeen, while on tour,

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Speaker 2: I collapsed on a San Francisco sidewalk, paralyzed by a stroke.

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Speaker 2: What followed was one of the most surreal experiences of

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Speaker 2: my life, and the songs I wrote during my recovery

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Speaker 2: feel like messages from a version of myself that I

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Speaker 2: barely recognized.

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Speaker 1: Now welcome to Alive Again, a podcast that showcases miraculous

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Speaker 1: accounts of human fragility and resilience from people whose lives

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Speaker 1: were forever altered after having almost died. These are first

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Speaker 1: hand accounts of near death experiences and, more broadly, brushes

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Speaker 1: with death. Our mission is simple, find, explore, and share

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Speaker 1: these stories to remind us all of our shared human condition.

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Speaker 1: Please keep in mind these stories are true and maybe

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Speaker 1: triggering for some listener, and discretion is advised.

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Speaker 2: My name is Scott McCoy and I played guitar with

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Speaker 2: RAM for many years, and I was playing with them

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Speaker 2: when Bill Barry the drummer, had an aneurysm. When we

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Speaker 2: were on tour in nineteen ninety five in Lauson, Switzerland.

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Speaker 2: It was a regular night, you know, we were having

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Speaker 2: a great time, playing an awesome show. I didn't really

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Speaker 2: notice any indication that there was something wrong with Bill.

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Speaker 2: He was playing fine as far as I could tell.

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Speaker 2: When I first noticed was when he got down off

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Speaker 2: the drums to play bass on Half a World Away.

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Speaker 2: He played bass on a few songs in the set

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Speaker 2: and he just he couldn't play, and he kind of

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Speaker 2: like fell back and sat down back against the bassamp

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Speaker 2: as I recall, and everybody's like, what the hell is

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Speaker 2: going on? And then we just kind of lift him

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Speaker 2: up and walked him off stage and he was, you know, apologizing.

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Speaker 2: We went out and did some more songs, giving the

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Speaker 2: fans the rest of a show, and then afterwards we

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Speaker 2: just went and we saw Bill was being taken off

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Speaker 2: into a into an ambulance. Once they realized it was

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Speaker 2: an aneurysm, they had to operate immediately, and we were

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Speaker 2: all sent home. Arim was a hugely popular band at

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Speaker 2: that point. That was probably the peak of their popularity.

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Speaker 2: They made two records that sold like ten or fifteen

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Speaker 2: million each. Then they made this big kind of glam

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Speaker 2: rock record called Monster, and I was one of the

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Speaker 2: people they asked to come along and help augment the

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Speaker 2: sound on stage. My first show with Arim was Saturday

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Speaker 2: Night Live, so that was really harrowing, but it was

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Speaker 2: also really fun. Started the tour in Australia and we're

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Speaker 2: playing these arenas and huge shows. My experienced before Arim

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Speaker 2: was playing with the Young Fresh Fellows, which was a

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Speaker 2: band I formed in Seattle with a friend from high

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Speaker 2: school and his cousin. He played in clubs, you know,

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Speaker 2: in front of five people to maybe five hundred people,

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Speaker 2: or maybe a thousand if we were opening for the

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Speaker 2: Red Hot Chili Coppers. Suddenly, with Arim, I was playing

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Speaker 2: in front of fifteen twenty thousand people, maybe one hundred

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Speaker 2: ninety thousand at Rock and Rio in Brazil. But once

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Speaker 2: I started playing, it didn't feel that different. Even though

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Speaker 2: there were tens of thousands of people cheering us on,

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Speaker 2: it still felt like playing a rock show. It was

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Speaker 2: still fun. I was still like playing with buddies on stage,

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Speaker 2: and so it quickly became less daunting to me than

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Speaker 2: I thought it was going to be. So yeah, that

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Speaker 2: was how I got into being an RAM and it

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Speaker 2: was basically because Peter Buck, the guitar player, had moved

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Speaker 2: to Seattle and I was his friend there. He'd met

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Speaker 2: me over the years with the young fresh fellows coming

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Speaker 2: to shows and stuff like that. So we just started

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Speaker 2: playing together immediately, just strumming guitars together a lot and

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Speaker 2: kind of hit it off. Before the RAM tour, we

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Speaker 2: were recording a lot of songs together that I had

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Speaker 2: written that turned into the first Minus five record. I

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Speaker 2: grew up in Serto California, which is a small little

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Speaker 2: suburb of San Jose in Santa Clair Valley. I played

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Speaker 2: baseball and football, and then the Beatles happened. My dad

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Speaker 2: worked at Sears and they had a little record department there,

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Speaker 2: and he brought home a copy of I Want to

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Speaker 2: Hold Your Hand and the music was and is absolutely

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Speaker 2: fucking magical. I had an older sister, I had a

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Speaker 2: younger sister too, and all three of us were suddenly

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Speaker 2: standing in front of the giant console stereo in the

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Speaker 2: living room, playing tennis rackets, you know, and pretending we're

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Speaker 2: the Beatles. I mean, there's no other records that sound

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Speaker 2: like those records. Still to this day, my dad probably

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Speaker 2: regretted that he ever brought home that forty five. I

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Speaker 2: became totally obsessed with rock and roll when I was

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Speaker 2: in my teens. I get my parents to take my

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Speaker 2: friends and me to San Francisco to catch shows, like

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Speaker 2: almost every weekend. This was the Bay Area, so I

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Speaker 2: saw local bands like Jefferson Airplane, Grateful Dad, Quicksilver, Investaders Service,

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Speaker 2: and then bands like The Who, the Kinks, and Neil

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Speaker 2: Young whenever they came to town. The first time I

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Speaker 2: ever heard Suraway to Heaven was the fifth row at

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Speaker 2: Berkeley Community Theater watching led Zeppelin, because they played the

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Speaker 2: song before before the record even came out, you know,

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Speaker 2: And I was just there for when when it was

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Speaker 2: all new. I mean, you never knew what was going

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Speaker 2: to hit you, and it was just like so magical

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Speaker 2: and so insanely innovative, and there were people like that

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Speaker 2: who were just trying to blow your mind and succeeding.

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Speaker 2: Of course, then I wanted to start a band. All

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Speaker 2: my early bands were all just my group of friends,

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Speaker 2: and that's what we like to do, is make music

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Speaker 2: or listen to music together. We never even cared if

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Speaker 2: we were really good or not. We play a party

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Speaker 2: with six drunk people there, you know whatever. If I

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Speaker 2: ever could even play a song in front of anyone,

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Speaker 2: it was a huge thing. It still is now. It

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Speaker 2: still is. There really wasn't a music scene in Seattle.

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Speaker 2: I realized that the way to do things in music

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Speaker 2: is to just do what you want to do and

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Speaker 2: do it yourself. If you're planning and getting a deal

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Speaker 2: on a major label or something, it's just dumb, you know.

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Speaker 2: I mean it worked for some people, but I never

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Speaker 2: had any dream of that happening. You know. I never

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Speaker 2: had a dream that I could make an indie record

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Speaker 2: either by myself. But we discovered people were doing it,

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Speaker 2: and we just figured out how to do it. So

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Speaker 2: I was probably twenty seven when I first held a

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Speaker 2: piece of vinyl that that I'd worked on, and it

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Speaker 2: was just the culmination of all the fun that I'd

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Speaker 2: had with my friends growing up, just listening to music

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Speaker 2: and playing music together. The Young Frashpille's first record came

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Speaker 2: out in nineteen eighty four, A few years after that,

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Speaker 2: a record labo called Subpop started putting out great local

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Speaker 2: bands like Mud Honey, Nirvana, Sound Garden. Some of those

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Speaker 2: bands became really really huge. The Seattle sound back then

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Speaker 2: became known as the grunge thing. We didn't really fit

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Speaker 2: into that because Young Fishfellows were a pop band that

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Speaker 2: those sub pop bands were always really good about giving

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Speaker 2: us credit for being one of the first bands from

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Speaker 2: the Pacific Northwest that actually got national coverage and went

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Speaker 2: on national tours, and wherever we played, ten or fifty

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Speaker 2: people remembered us because we were really really good. It

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Speaker 2: was a celevision of Ricky's Mouth Disease. We were really

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Speaker 2: really fun to see, if it's a wedding or a

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Speaker 2: high school dance, well dance the power most act, you know.

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Speaker 2: Right with the Fellows we scraped by, you know, we

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Speaker 2: make our tours so that they would make enough money

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Speaker 2: or we wouldn't lose money or whatever. But suddenly with Rim,

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Speaker 2: I was actually getting paid and it was like, Wow,

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Speaker 2: this is this is amazing. So I guess that's how

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Speaker 2: it became a career. I don't think it ever would

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Speaker 2: have if it hadn't been for Rim. The Minus five

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Speaker 2: was just It wasn't supposed to be a band. It

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Speaker 2: was just supposed to be a recording project. Psychedelic folk

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Speaker 2: sort of thing was what Peter and I were calling it.

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Speaker 2: Then somehow it became a band, you know, and we

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Speaker 2: started playing rock and roll songs because because when you're

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Speaker 2: played live, it's more fun to play rock and roll

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Speaker 2: than to play down er slo songs. We also started

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Speaker 2: playing with Alejandra Escovedo. Alejandra was one of the bright

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Speaker 2: shining lights of Americana music. He does records in Spanish sometimes,

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Speaker 2: but deep down he's a rocker. We did a record

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Speaker 2: with him I made in twenty seventeen called Burned Something Beautiful,

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Speaker 2: which we're very proud of. We were having so much

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Speaker 2: fun on that tour. I mean, the Seattle show was

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Speaker 2: just completely off the hook, and Portland what show was too.

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Speaker 2: And then we came to the Phoenix Hotel in San Francisco,

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Speaker 2: which is a classic old dive in the heart of

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Speaker 2: the Tenderloin. It's become like a place for bands to stay.

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Speaker 2: We got there at three o'clock when we could check in.

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Speaker 2: I went in, threw my stuff in the room, and

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Speaker 2: I booked. I just turned around and headed for Cafe

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Speaker 2: Trist to get a coffee. Cafe Trist is an authentic

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Speaker 2: little Italian coffee shop in the heart of North Beach

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Speaker 2: in San Francisco. It's where Francis port Cuppola wrote the

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Speaker 2: screenplay for The Godfather, and you know, it was a

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Speaker 2: major hangout for writers like Jack Kerouac and the beat

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Speaker 2: Nick poets. I just really liked the vibe of that place.

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Speaker 2: Just a cappuccino that were so beautiful. The people there

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Speaker 2: were just artists, and I would always go there to

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Speaker 2: sit and write, you know, and just spend an afternoon there,

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Speaker 2: you know, whenever I had time. And it was a

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Speaker 2: beautiful day, I was heading to Cafe Trist, but I

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Speaker 2: didn't make it. I was walking down Kearnie and suddenly

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Speaker 2: I just felt like I was slowing down and I

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Speaker 2: couldn't control my movements. I couldn't put my foot in

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Speaker 2: front of in front of the other one. It didn't hurt,

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Speaker 2: it was no pain. So it's like, I don't I

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Speaker 2: was mystified. I don't know what's happening here. There was

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Speaker 2: some scaffolding on the street, and I grabbed onto the

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Speaker 2: scaffolding and I said, I'm just gonna hang on here

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Speaker 2: for a second. I'm sure i'll feel better in a minute.

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Speaker 2: Something could have passed, you know. And it was like

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Speaker 2: it was like thirty feet from the corner, and I thought,

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Speaker 2: I'll wait for a few minutes. Then if I can

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Speaker 2: walk to the corner, everything will be fine. But I

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Speaker 2: just gradually couldn't even hold myself up anymore, and I

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Speaker 2: just kind of slid down the scaffolding and just kind

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Speaker 2: of crumpled spread out, half on the curb and half

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Speaker 2: in the street. I wasn't really afraid. I don't know

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Speaker 2: why I should have been. I should have been terrified,

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Speaker 2: but I wasn't. I think I just remember going, well,

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Speaker 2: this is happening. I don't know what it is, but

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Speaker 2: I'm just gonna going to roll with it. You know.

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Speaker 2: I was conscious people were stepping over me and stuff,

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Speaker 2: because you know, there there's another drunk guy on the

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Speaker 2: street in San Francisco or whatever, you know, so they

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Speaker 2: were stepping over me. I couldn't really get angry at them,

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Speaker 2: but but I couldn't really signaled to anybody. I couldn't

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Speaker 2: move or anything. I couldn't talk. I discovered that pretty quickly. Eventually,

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Speaker 2: somebody stopped and looked at me, and they called nine

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Speaker 2: on one or whatever, and pretty soon some medics came

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Speaker 2: and took me away in an ambulance. I actually remember

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Speaker 2: being in the back of the ambulance and we were

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Speaker 2: driving up a really steep hill. I could look out

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Speaker 2: the back window and just saw a beautiful, beautiful San

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Speaker 2: Francisco panorama, and I was just living every thinking, God's

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Speaker 2: so so beautiful out you know, It's like it's true.

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Speaker 2: It was just like it was like so lovely. I

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Speaker 2: guess I was accepting what was happening somehow. Once I

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Speaker 2: got the hospital, everything went south, like I lost in

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Speaker 2: and out of consciousness and it was a total wreck

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Speaker 2: for the next twenty four hours. I definitely panicked a

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Speaker 2: lot of the time. I didn't know what was happening,

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Speaker 2: So there's only very brief moments of where I can

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Speaker 2: remember anything happening in that period. They couldn't figure out

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Speaker 2: how to get in touch with anybody. Eventually, they called

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Speaker 2: the last number that I dialed on my phone, and

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Speaker 2: that was Linda Pittman, who's the drummer in the Minus

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Speaker 2: five in Alejandro's band. She had this funny name that

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Speaker 2: I called her Miss georgiet Polycarp is how her name

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Speaker 2: appears in my phone, and uh so she thought it

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Speaker 2: was a prank call by me because somebody called it

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Speaker 2: is this miss Georgiett Polycarp And she was like, oh, yeah,

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Speaker 2: what's happening here. The ms McCoy's pulling a fast one.

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Speaker 2: But yeah, they got the word to her that I

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Speaker 2: was in the hospital, and so she got Peter Buck

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Speaker 2: and they came down and from then on, I like,

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Speaker 2: I really was out of touch. I didn't really know

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Speaker 2: what was happening. After I've been there for twenty four hours.

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Speaker 2: They finally got the doctor to give me a MRI

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Speaker 2: because he wouldn't give me one because he said it's

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Speaker 2: not a stroke. He said, he's a drunk. So you

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Speaker 2: need an MRI to determine if you had a stroke

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Speaker 2: and if so, where the blood clot is so it

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Speaker 2: could be treated. The quicker the better because if you've

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Speaker 2: had a stroke, each moment you delay creates the potential

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Speaker 2: for more damage and more bit of your brain dying. Finally,

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Speaker 2: Peter and my wife Mary, who had down from Portland

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Speaker 2: at that point, said you got to give this guy

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Speaker 2: m he's had a stroke. But this doctor just wouldn't

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Speaker 2: believe it. I think they assumed I was a burnout

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Speaker 2: drug addict because of it being San Francisco and being

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Speaker 2: of the area was even though I wasn't actually in

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Speaker 2: the tenderloin at that point. I just walked right through it,

250
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Speaker 2: and you know I was. I was very very close,

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Speaker 2: very very close, so I wouldn't have been shocked to

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Speaker 2: see somebody lying on the sidewalk in a puddle of

253
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Speaker 2: piss on Kearney Street.

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Speaker 3: You know.

255
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Speaker 2: I wasn't in a puddle of piss. By the way,

256
00:19:45,080 --> 00:19:47,119
Speaker 2: he must have had so many people come in that

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Speaker 2: he was just so blase and so burned out on

258
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Speaker 2: it or something like that. But I don't think that's

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Speaker 2: an excuse for him. I mean, I didn't look terrible.

260
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Speaker 2: I was wearing my rock and roll clothes. I was

261
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Speaker 2: wearing a talk It from the Crypt bowling shirt and

262
00:20:04,040 --> 00:20:07,119
Speaker 2: black jeans. I was carrying my little notebook with my

263
00:20:07,520 --> 00:20:12,560
Speaker 2: lyrics song lyrics I was writing in and that was it.

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Speaker 2: When Peter showed up, my wife told me that he said, look,

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Speaker 2: whatever this costs, I've got it. Don't worry. There wasn't

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Speaker 2: any reason for them to not do an MRI I

267
00:20:26,640 --> 00:20:30,200
Speaker 2: don't know why that mattered, or why he wouldn't have

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Speaker 2: just immediately regardless of who I was, or who my

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Speaker 2: friends were, or what kind of condition I was in.

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Speaker 2: I don't know why he wouldn't have said, this guy's

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Speaker 2: had a stroke and let's let's take care of him.

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Speaker 2: It was really important to have my wife Mary there,

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Speaker 2: and Peter and Linda, our drummer, were all They're really

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Speaker 2: staying close and making sure that things were going the

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Speaker 2: way they should go. It was probably hard for Peter

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Speaker 2: because you'd been through it before with Bill Barry having

277
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Speaker 2: an aneurysm, and it was the same thing with me.

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Speaker 2: And aneurism is where you get a blockage in your

279
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Speaker 2: blood vessel. The stroke comes from elsewhere, a clot is

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Speaker 2: formed somewhere in your body and it goes up to

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Speaker 2: your brain and it blocks the blood flow to your brain.

282
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Speaker 2: So at some point they transferred me to a stroke

283
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Speaker 2: center at a better hospital across town. And weirdly, I

284
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Speaker 2: also remember looking out the window of that ambulance too,

285
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Speaker 2: and by then I was a total rack. I was

286
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Speaker 2: paralyzed on the right side totally, and yeah, and so

287
00:21:58,400 --> 00:22:02,920
Speaker 2: they put me in the I see you for ten

288
00:22:03,040 --> 00:22:07,520
Speaker 2: days or something, and they had to raise my blood

289
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Speaker 2: pressure to one ninety for a while to try to

290
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Speaker 2: flush the rest of the clots out in my brain.

291
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Speaker 2: I remember some really bad times in that hospital. I

292
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Speaker 2: didn't know what was happening, and I was trying to

293
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Speaker 2: move and stuff like that but not being able to.

294
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Speaker 2: And I couldn't understand what anybody was saying because their

295
00:22:28,640 --> 00:22:32,760
Speaker 2: words were garbled to me, and everything I said was

296
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Speaker 2: a real words didn't make any sense. So I was

297
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Speaker 2: living in this weird world where I just didn't know

298
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Speaker 2: what was happening. At one point, they started writing stuff out.

299
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Speaker 2: They said, this is what you just said, and I

300
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Speaker 2: was like, no, that's not what I said, because I

301
00:22:49,920 --> 00:22:54,680
Speaker 2: was I was speaking into another language or whatever, you know,

302
00:22:55,320 --> 00:22:58,040
Speaker 2: because the speech part of my brain was the part

303
00:22:58,119 --> 00:23:02,760
Speaker 2: that had gotten killed, you know, it had had died. Basically.

304
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Speaker 2: It probably was only a couple of days before I

305
00:23:09,160 --> 00:23:12,840
Speaker 2: started being able to understand what people were saying to

306
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Speaker 2: me a little bit and where I started being able

307
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Speaker 2: to say words that made a little bit of sense.

308
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Speaker 2: But but it was it was really scary at that point.

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Speaker 2: It wasn't fun. I didn't start realizing probably till you know,

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Speaker 2: after a week or two that that I had really

311
00:23:39,560 --> 00:23:48,840
Speaker 2: lost the ability two recall words. I didn't realize that

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00:23:49,080 --> 00:23:55,000
Speaker 2: was going to be a permanent thing, and you know,

313
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Speaker 2: to to a to a degree, it hasn't been. It

314
00:24:04,280 --> 00:24:09,680
Speaker 2: hasn't been permanent, but it kind of has. I mean,

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Speaker 2: obviously I can talk now and I couldn't at first,

316
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Speaker 2: but I can't really remember words to songs anymore or

317
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Speaker 2: anything like that. I mean that it's come back in

318
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Speaker 2: some ways, but it's still it's always a constant, a

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Speaker 2: constant battle. When i'd been in there, I see you

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Speaker 2: for a couple of days, and I was kind of

321
00:24:35,400 --> 00:24:40,160
Speaker 2: starting to be a little bit more functional. Peter handed

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Speaker 2: me a guitar because he wanted to see if I

323
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Speaker 2: would remember anything about how to play a guitar, and

324
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Speaker 2: I immediately put my fingers on the net in the

325
00:24:51,000 --> 00:24:54,520
Speaker 2: shape of an a minor chord, and we both realized,

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Speaker 2: I can remember that. I haven't lost that, I haven't

327
00:24:58,920 --> 00:25:06,080
Speaker 2: lost the to remember how to play guitar. I'm not

328
00:25:06,200 --> 00:25:11,159
Speaker 2: saying I could play it, but I remembered. It was

329
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Speaker 2: like the first real glimmer of hope for me, because

330
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Speaker 2: I was like, well, I'm not going to have to

331
00:25:18,359 --> 00:25:29,040
Speaker 2: completely learn guitar from scratch again. Really quickly. I started

332
00:25:29,040 --> 00:25:35,399
Speaker 2: writing in my notebook, writing songs or lyrics or whatever

333
00:25:35,560 --> 00:25:40,200
Speaker 2: was in my head, and those are those are really strange,

334
00:25:43,920 --> 00:25:46,119
Speaker 2: and those are the lyrics I ended up using when

335
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Speaker 2: I made the five album called Stroke Manner the Wall

336
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Speaker 2: Wap Sponsor Root Talk Back on Top, because I just

337
00:25:56,280 --> 00:26:01,480
Speaker 2: wanted to pay tribute to that moment, that weird state

338
00:26:01,560 --> 00:26:07,320
Speaker 2: of mind, because I was I was just really I

339
00:26:07,480 --> 00:26:10,720
Speaker 2: was proud that I was trying. I was trying to

340
00:26:11,520 --> 00:26:17,919
Speaker 2: to to do something, to write when I couldn't really.

341
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Speaker 4: Sansu Kicks one Sellman, fucking wild Chi.

342
00:26:26,920 --> 00:26:29,320
Speaker 2: Some of the words are aren't even real. Like the

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Speaker 2: one of the songs was called placent folk, and I

344
00:26:34,000 --> 00:26:36,359
Speaker 2: don't know where that word came from. I think maybe

345
00:26:36,400 --> 00:26:42,080
Speaker 2: it was like a weird blending of plangent and nascent.

346
00:26:43,840 --> 00:26:45,560
Speaker 5: To choose the time.

347
00:26:50,440 --> 00:26:54,320
Speaker 1: Can shoot in common.

348
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Speaker 6: Sentius.

349
00:27:04,440 --> 00:27:07,560
Speaker 2: So I really don't know what I was trying to say.

350
00:27:09,400 --> 00:27:24,840
Speaker 2: White it sparkles ingratuitous. The Wizard of Oz came on

351
00:27:24,960 --> 00:27:29,240
Speaker 2: the TV and it was like a really shitty little TV,

352
00:27:29,600 --> 00:27:34,240
Speaker 2: like you know, classic hospital, upperly high and far away

353
00:27:34,280 --> 00:27:37,159
Speaker 2: and had commercials and everything like that. But I remember

354
00:27:37,280 --> 00:27:40,399
Speaker 2: with Peter watching Wizard of Oz that I was just

355
00:27:40,600 --> 00:27:43,000
Speaker 2: kind of freaking out, like I'd never seen it before,

356
00:27:43,359 --> 00:27:45,959
Speaker 2: and it was like it was like a total acid

357
00:27:46,000 --> 00:27:52,280
Speaker 2: trip for sure. Peter just said I just kept saying,

358
00:27:52,440 --> 00:27:56,560
Speaker 2: it's so weird, it's so weird. And one of the

359
00:27:56,640 --> 00:28:00,960
Speaker 2: songs I obviously wrote about to watch it, it's called

360
00:28:01,359 --> 00:28:05,560
Speaker 2: scarcrow and and it's it's all images that I think

361
00:28:05,920 --> 00:28:08,840
Speaker 2: was me trying to to describe what was happening in

362
00:28:08,920 --> 00:28:09,320
Speaker 2: the movie.

363
00:28:09,520 --> 00:28:15,919
Speaker 7: The dog clown was real, and.

364
00:28:22,400 --> 00:28:26,240
Speaker 2: I was writing these songs in the ICU, writing in

365
00:28:26,359 --> 00:28:29,480
Speaker 2: my little notebook. I didn't really remember writing them.

366
00:28:32,480 --> 00:28:33,040
Speaker 4: Wasn't play.

367
00:28:35,359 --> 00:28:40,000
Speaker 2: At the first hospital when I came out of being unconscious,

368
00:28:40,480 --> 00:28:48,040
Speaker 2: I remember asking somebody about my notebook, and one of

369
00:28:48,040 --> 00:28:50,240
Speaker 2: the guys who came and picked me up and throw

370
00:28:50,320 --> 00:28:54,760
Speaker 2: me in the ambulance said, yeah, here's your notebook. I've

371
00:28:54,800 --> 00:29:03,320
Speaker 2: got it. And I remember him saying, I really liked

372
00:29:03,360 --> 00:29:08,360
Speaker 2: that song he wrote about Facebook, so he had not

373
00:29:08,520 --> 00:29:10,920
Speaker 2: only grabbed it, but he was he was reading it.

374
00:29:12,240 --> 00:29:14,200
Speaker 2: And there was a song I wrote about how much

375
00:29:14,280 --> 00:29:17,560
Speaker 2: I hate Facebook in this in there, and he really

376
00:29:17,720 --> 00:29:20,720
Speaker 2: liked that. So I never never really put that into

377
00:29:20,800 --> 00:29:25,240
Speaker 2: a into a song yet. But but I do remember

378
00:29:25,320 --> 00:29:31,520
Speaker 2: that I loved him. I loved him because he had

379
00:29:31,600 --> 00:29:33,320
Speaker 2: the book and I thought it was really cool that

380
00:29:33,400 --> 00:29:36,680
Speaker 2: he that he read a song and liked it in there.

381
00:29:40,040 --> 00:29:43,440
Speaker 2: So after the stroke, I started looking at the lyrics

382
00:29:43,480 --> 00:29:46,480
Speaker 2: I'd written in the notebook there, and I started de

383
00:29:46,560 --> 00:29:50,040
Speaker 2: signing to try to make songs out of them. Then

384
00:29:50,080 --> 00:29:53,080
Speaker 2: I started trying to record them to see if I

385
00:29:53,120 --> 00:29:56,760
Speaker 2: could do it. And I discovered really quickly that I

386
00:29:56,800 --> 00:29:59,960
Speaker 2: could still play. And I was coming up with weird

387
00:30:00,200 --> 00:30:02,560
Speaker 2: things that I might not have beforehand, and I was

388
00:30:02,800 --> 00:30:06,440
Speaker 2: singing in weird voices that I didn't do before, and

389
00:30:06,640 --> 00:30:20,640
Speaker 2: that became the album Stroke Manner. When I got out

390
00:30:20,640 --> 00:30:23,600
Speaker 2: of the hospital a month later, I had to drive

391
00:30:24,480 --> 00:30:28,520
Speaker 2: back to Portland because I couldn't fly. Pressure would be

392
00:30:29,280 --> 00:30:31,280
Speaker 2: weird to my brain or something like that. It would

393
00:30:31,320 --> 00:30:33,720
Speaker 2: be dangerous, so I had to drive back. So the

394
00:30:33,760 --> 00:30:36,520
Speaker 2: first thing when we left the hospital after a month there,

395
00:30:36,920 --> 00:30:40,520
Speaker 2: we drove straight to Cafe trist and I got a

396
00:30:40,840 --> 00:30:46,920
Speaker 2: cappuccino there. The first thing, Mary, I said, you're going

397
00:30:46,920 --> 00:30:49,240
Speaker 2: to Cafe Triss. You're gonna make it. It just took

398
00:30:49,240 --> 00:30:55,520
Speaker 2: a month one of the first things I said when

399
00:30:55,560 --> 00:30:58,440
Speaker 2: I could actually communicate in the hospital is I said

400
00:30:58,720 --> 00:31:02,280
Speaker 2: to Mary, don't don't don't do any benefit concerts or

401
00:31:02,440 --> 00:31:05,240
Speaker 2: GoFundMe or anything like that, because I just I don't

402
00:31:05,320 --> 00:31:09,120
Speaker 2: like that kind of attention. But you know, she said,

403
00:31:09,240 --> 00:31:14,240
Speaker 2: it's already too late. They ended up having these two

404
00:31:14,680 --> 00:31:19,400
Speaker 2: big concerts in Portland in early January. It was like

405
00:31:20,360 --> 00:31:24,880
Speaker 2: only six weeks after the stroke or something, and you know,

406
00:31:24,960 --> 00:31:27,160
Speaker 2: they raised a lot of money, which was really really

407
00:31:27,400 --> 00:31:33,400
Speaker 2: nice and just above and beyond everybody came and just

408
00:31:34,280 --> 00:31:51,040
Speaker 2: we're just giving, you know. I did actually play a

409
00:31:51,120 --> 00:31:52,920
Speaker 2: couple of songs. I played bass on a couple of

410
00:31:52,960 --> 00:31:57,480
Speaker 2: songs with filthy friends, just to see if I could

411
00:31:57,560 --> 00:32:01,240
Speaker 2: do it. But it was really hard because everything seemed

412
00:32:01,280 --> 00:32:05,080
Speaker 2: really loud to me, and and I was I wasn't

413
00:32:05,120 --> 00:32:14,920
Speaker 2: in really good shape. But but it was it was amazing.

414
00:32:15,040 --> 00:32:17,040
Speaker 2: Some of the music that was played was just so

415
00:32:17,520 --> 00:32:22,320
Speaker 2: incredible and and it was It really meant a lot

416
00:32:22,440 --> 00:32:25,480
Speaker 2: to me. I mean, like I said, I didn't want

417
00:32:25,520 --> 00:32:28,960
Speaker 2: it to happen, but but when it did, I was

418
00:32:29,160 --> 00:32:30,000
Speaker 2: very very thankful.

419
00:32:38,320 --> 00:32:39,560
Speaker 1: The future.

420
00:32:58,400 --> 00:33:02,120
Speaker 2: And that's my whole life is is just based on music.

421
00:33:02,320 --> 00:33:06,680
Speaker 2: And other people who I love, who love music. But

422
00:33:06,800 --> 00:33:10,160
Speaker 2: you know, the whole thing is the benefits shouldn't have

423
00:33:10,160 --> 00:33:14,400
Speaker 2: had to happen because it should be taken care of.

424
00:33:15,560 --> 00:33:19,520
Speaker 2: Your health care should be taken care of. And with

425
00:33:19,720 --> 00:33:24,400
Speaker 2: my situation, and this is an important point I should make,

426
00:33:25,080 --> 00:33:29,360
Speaker 2: it could have been prevented because I knew there was

427
00:33:29,400 --> 00:33:33,600
Speaker 2: something going on with me. I mean, I'd gone to

428
00:33:33,680 --> 00:33:36,680
Speaker 2: see a doctor like a year before to have him

429
00:33:36,720 --> 00:33:38,880
Speaker 2: look at my heart, and a said, well, we're not

430
00:33:38,960 --> 00:33:41,720
Speaker 2: finding anything now, but I should have you wear a

431
00:33:41,880 --> 00:33:45,320
Speaker 2: monitor for a month and we'll see how your heart's doing.

432
00:33:47,400 --> 00:33:50,760
Speaker 2: I realized I was getting out of breath really easily.

433
00:33:52,440 --> 00:33:56,040
Speaker 2: It wasn't pausing me die or worry. But I never

434
00:33:56,080 --> 00:34:01,280
Speaker 2: went back. And what I found out later is that's

435
00:34:01,320 --> 00:34:05,360
Speaker 2: why I had a stroke, because my heart runs really irregular,

436
00:34:06,240 --> 00:34:14,600
Speaker 2: and so that's why I got clots. I'm niloquist now. Yeah,

437
00:34:14,680 --> 00:34:17,520
Speaker 2: it's a blood dinner. It seems to be help. I'll

438
00:34:17,560 --> 00:34:19,880
Speaker 2: be on it for the rest of my life. Probably,

439
00:34:20,920 --> 00:34:23,520
Speaker 2: I would just say I had a stroke, and all

440
00:34:23,560 --> 00:34:26,399
Speaker 2: the things that are bad for you, they'll they raise

441
00:34:26,440 --> 00:34:29,640
Speaker 2: your they raise your your chance of having a stroke.

442
00:34:30,400 --> 00:34:34,279
Speaker 2: And the other thing is I say, once you have

443
00:34:34,400 --> 00:34:36,600
Speaker 2: a stroke, you're probably gonna have another one, you know.

444
00:34:36,960 --> 00:34:40,120
Speaker 2: So so that's not that's not a comforting thought. But

445
00:34:41,200 --> 00:34:44,440
Speaker 2: I feel so lucky that I function as well as

446
00:34:44,520 --> 00:34:51,200
Speaker 2: I can right now. I think what it has done

447
00:34:51,280 --> 00:34:56,239
Speaker 2: for me is it's made me just more desperate to

448
00:34:56,920 --> 00:35:01,319
Speaker 2: to keep creating art and keep putting things out there.

449
00:35:06,000 --> 00:35:09,799
Speaker 2: When you're creating art or making a record, you are

450
00:35:10,160 --> 00:35:15,640
Speaker 2: committing something to eternity. I don't know who we're committing

451
00:35:15,680 --> 00:35:19,880
Speaker 2: it for or how long it's actually gonna last, but

452
00:35:20,840 --> 00:35:22,960
Speaker 2: it's important to me to get those things out and

453
00:35:23,120 --> 00:35:32,400
Speaker 2: get them into the existence. For some reason. I know

454
00:35:32,520 --> 00:35:36,080
Speaker 2: I only write songs for myself, really, but there's a

455
00:35:36,160 --> 00:35:38,480
Speaker 2: reason that I must feel like I have to record

456
00:35:38,560 --> 00:35:41,880
Speaker 2: them and release them. You know, I'm seventy years old now,

457
00:35:41,920 --> 00:35:44,400
Speaker 2: and that's just shocking to me. It's shocking to me,

458
00:35:45,000 --> 00:35:47,560
Speaker 2: and I feel like I don't have that much time left.

459
00:35:48,960 --> 00:35:51,120
Speaker 2: What's important for me now is my little family, my

460
00:35:51,239 --> 00:35:54,440
Speaker 2: wife and my dog Gladys, spending time with them and

461
00:35:54,800 --> 00:35:57,480
Speaker 2: with all my friends that I make music with. But

462
00:35:57,760 --> 00:36:01,120
Speaker 2: the biggest driving force in me is to keep making music.

463
00:36:06,520 --> 00:36:11,000
Speaker 2: There's a whole new manusfib record out called War on Penelope.

464
00:36:12,160 --> 00:36:14,200
Speaker 2: I don't even know what makes it different from the

465
00:36:14,280 --> 00:36:15,880
Speaker 2: rest of the records I've done, but to me it

466
00:36:16,040 --> 00:36:18,960
Speaker 2: feels like a really positive record. You know, some of

467
00:36:19,000 --> 00:36:24,200
Speaker 2: my records are real downers, and this just feels really positive.

468
00:36:27,080 --> 00:36:29,480
Speaker 2: Like the lyrics to Words and Birds, which is the

469
00:36:29,800 --> 00:36:34,560
Speaker 2: first single, Let me see if I can remember them.

470
00:36:35,880 --> 00:36:39,160
Speaker 2: Sometimes words can be a challenge after after a stroke.

471
00:36:41,800 --> 00:36:44,680
Speaker 2: Look at that. Try what's the first part? Time Time

472
00:36:44,840 --> 00:36:50,080
Speaker 2: is time hangs, time hangs hard on our hands. A

473
00:36:50,160 --> 00:36:55,680
Speaker 2: bird makes no demands, try to survive. Only the word

474
00:36:55,719 --> 00:37:03,279
Speaker 2: gets out alive. That's all right. I did it.

475
00:37:04,440 --> 00:37:04,800
Speaker 1: I did it.

476
00:37:08,320 --> 00:37:11,799
Speaker 2: You'd think that would be ingrained in my mind after

477
00:37:11,880 --> 00:37:15,520
Speaker 2: writing it, singing it a hundred times, listening to it

478
00:37:15,560 --> 00:37:19,560
Speaker 2: a million times, working on the song, but it's just it.

479
00:37:20,200 --> 00:37:23,640
Speaker 2: Stuff just goes away in my brain so quickly. The

480
00:37:23,760 --> 00:37:26,080
Speaker 2: weirdest thing is the songs I can remember the best

481
00:37:26,760 --> 00:37:29,840
Speaker 2: are songs that were like the first Young Fresh Fellows album.

482
00:37:30,040 --> 00:37:32,640
Speaker 4: I went and told him I was new downtown and

483
00:37:32,800 --> 00:37:35,880
Speaker 4: I did not know the propers pass it, hang around.

484
00:37:36,600 --> 00:37:39,920
Speaker 2: Songs are harder for me to remember, the newer they are,

485
00:37:40,840 --> 00:37:44,200
Speaker 2: so I keep a music stand nearby with the lyrics

486
00:37:44,280 --> 00:37:51,800
Speaker 2: on them. When I'm playing shows nowadays, it's a fine

487
00:37:51,880 --> 00:37:54,600
Speaker 2: line between to be in the moment and singing the

488
00:37:54,719 --> 00:37:57,759
Speaker 2: song without still having to worry about looking at the

489
00:37:57,800 --> 00:38:00,360
Speaker 2: words printed in front of me to remember the So

490
00:38:00,680 --> 00:38:05,040
Speaker 2: it's it's not. It's not my favorite thing. I look

491
00:38:05,120 --> 00:38:07,160
Speaker 2: back at the old days and think how I could

492
00:38:07,239 --> 00:38:11,640
Speaker 2: just spellt off three hundred songs without even thinking about him.

493
00:38:12,920 --> 00:38:15,680
Speaker 2: But now it's like every song, no matter how many

494
00:38:15,719 --> 00:38:18,200
Speaker 2: times I've sang it, I still worry that it's gonna

495
00:38:18,239 --> 00:38:35,799
Speaker 2: go blank. It's gonna go away. They can't fly.

496
00:38:36,080 --> 00:38:42,280
Speaker 4: It's true, that's not all they couldn't do. We tried

497
00:38:42,360 --> 00:38:51,120
Speaker 4: to under the fat, quantify the sky um tup buck kicks,

498
00:38:51,239 --> 00:38:57,959
Speaker 4: but the high one suck. It's all too beautiful, man,

499
00:38:58,480 --> 00:38:59,760
Speaker 4: too beautiful to them.

500
00:39:03,120 --> 00:39:04,240
Speaker 2: So names.

501
00:39:07,520 --> 00:39:10,520
Speaker 4: Now try.

502
00:39:12,200 --> 00:39:13,960
Speaker 2: Gets out a lot, try to.

503
00:39:33,120 --> 00:39:35,440
Speaker 1: Welcome back. This is a Live Again joining me for

504
00:39:35,520 --> 00:39:38,680
Speaker 1: a conversation about today's story or my other alive again story.

505
00:39:38,760 --> 00:39:43,239
Speaker 1: Producers Lauren Vogelbaum, Nicholas Dakowski, and Brent Die And I'm

506
00:39:43,239 --> 00:39:46,680
Speaker 1: your host, Dan Bush. Brent, how did you find this story?

507
00:39:47,080 --> 00:39:49,520
Speaker 7: A good friend of mine had a stroke in January

508
00:39:50,239 --> 00:39:54,399
Speaker 7: and a young guy soccer player, and it just kind

509
00:39:54,440 --> 00:39:56,600
Speaker 7: of came up on him. So I was doing research

510
00:39:56,719 --> 00:39:58,719
Speaker 7: to try to figure out how to help my friend

511
00:39:58,760 --> 00:40:01,800
Speaker 7: who had just had a stroke. We all were, and

512
00:40:02,160 --> 00:40:04,000
Speaker 7: I came across this story, and I thought there was

513
00:40:04,040 --> 00:40:07,000
Speaker 7: a lot to it, you know, in terms of the

514
00:40:07,080 --> 00:40:10,439
Speaker 7: failings of our healthcare system, in terms of how does

515
00:40:11,719 --> 00:40:15,839
Speaker 7: a stroke effect somebody whose career is related so much

516
00:40:16,840 --> 00:40:21,000
Speaker 7: in words and language, which are affect everybody who has

517
00:40:21,040 --> 00:40:22,960
Speaker 7: a stroke. Usually that's one of the first things that

518
00:40:23,040 --> 00:40:25,040
Speaker 7: it really hits them. And yeah, I mean, and I

519
00:40:25,120 --> 00:40:27,760
Speaker 7: loved his music. I was familiar with The Baseball Project

520
00:40:28,200 --> 00:40:31,480
Speaker 7: minus five ram, so I just was like, Wow, this

521
00:40:31,640 --> 00:40:34,000
Speaker 7: is just a really interesting Can I just say that.

522
00:40:34,080 --> 00:40:37,360
Speaker 1: The moment when he's in the hospital room watching The

523
00:40:37,400 --> 00:40:39,719
Speaker 1: Wizard of Oz but the scarcrow is that what he

524
00:40:39,760 --> 00:40:43,800
Speaker 1: called it, scarcrow. But here's a man who's lost his

525
00:40:43,880 --> 00:40:48,120
Speaker 1: grip on reality. He's watching one of the most archetypal

526
00:40:48,239 --> 00:40:53,560
Speaker 1: stories about alternate reality ever made on a fuzzy hospital TV.

527
00:40:53,960 --> 00:40:56,359
Speaker 1: And he kept saying, you know, it's so weird, it's

528
00:40:56,400 --> 00:41:00,480
Speaker 1: so weird. And here he is, having had a trying

529
00:41:00,520 --> 00:41:03,000
Speaker 1: to make sense of what he's looking at. I mean,

530
00:41:04,200 --> 00:41:07,200
Speaker 1: for me, that moment was like just chef's kiss of

531
00:41:07,400 --> 00:41:10,800
Speaker 1: like what how absurd life can be?

532
00:41:11,840 --> 00:41:14,320
Speaker 7: Particularly when this is something that we've all seen a

533
00:41:14,400 --> 00:41:16,640
Speaker 7: million times, right, seeing it with new.

534
00:41:16,560 --> 00:41:19,319
Speaker 3: Eyes, Yeah, because if you hadn't grown up with that movie, right,

535
00:41:19,440 --> 00:41:21,319
Speaker 3: I was thinking, like, if I had not grown up

536
00:41:21,360 --> 00:41:25,040
Speaker 3: seeing that movie you know, once a week, Yeah, what

537
00:41:25,200 --> 00:41:28,160
Speaker 3: would you think of that? As an adult? Just dropped

538
00:41:28,239 --> 00:41:29,600
Speaker 3: into our.

539
00:41:30,880 --> 00:41:33,400
Speaker 7: All sorts of brain saving medication.

540
00:41:33,640 --> 00:41:36,520
Speaker 1: But it's it's like, I found that really poetic that

541
00:41:37,200 --> 00:41:39,839
Speaker 1: this this broken brain is trying to rebuild itself while

542
00:41:39,920 --> 00:41:44,279
Speaker 1: watching Dorothy try to Go Home. Isn't that just like

543
00:41:44,719 --> 00:41:45,960
Speaker 1: the most poetic thing in the world.

544
00:41:46,040 --> 00:41:48,200
Speaker 7: And he writes a song about a character who said,

545
00:41:48,239 --> 00:41:49,279
Speaker 7: if I only had a brain.

546
00:41:50,360 --> 00:41:52,400
Speaker 1: I mean, he wasn't horrified. He was sort of oddly

547
00:41:53,239 --> 00:41:55,800
Speaker 1: passive during this experience. He wasn't freaking out inside of

548
00:41:55,840 --> 00:41:58,120
Speaker 1: his own brain. And you know, if you're paralyzed, you

549
00:41:58,160 --> 00:42:01,239
Speaker 1: can't talk, you can't really control your muscles, and all

550
00:42:01,280 --> 00:42:03,120
Speaker 1: you can all he could do was sort of slide

551
00:42:03,160 --> 00:42:06,719
Speaker 1: down the scaffolding and collapse onto the sidewalk there in

552
00:42:06,760 --> 00:42:10,359
Speaker 1: San Francisco. That one that's hard to imagine being sort

553
00:42:10,400 --> 00:42:12,080
Speaker 1: of in prison in your own body. But secondly, he

554
00:42:12,160 --> 00:42:13,920
Speaker 1: wasn't scared. He just sort of like, oh, okay, this

555
00:42:14,040 --> 00:42:17,440
Speaker 1: is happening. Yeah, and then people are stepping over him, thinking, oh,

556
00:42:17,520 --> 00:42:20,080
Speaker 1: he's probably just a burnout, just a drunk, right.

557
00:42:20,080 --> 00:42:22,879
Speaker 3: That callousness, that learned callousness of living in a city.

558
00:42:22,960 --> 00:42:24,600
Speaker 7: Yeah, I wish you would have spent more time on that,

559
00:42:24,680 --> 00:42:27,600
Speaker 7: because just the idea of being trapped in your body

560
00:42:27,680 --> 00:42:32,080
Speaker 7: has always kind of been a fascinating thing to me. Yeah,

561
00:42:32,400 --> 00:42:33,879
Speaker 7: he's lying on the street and you can't even get

562
00:42:33,880 --> 00:42:35,640
Speaker 7: angry at these people that are stepping over him. And

563
00:42:35,719 --> 00:42:38,160
Speaker 7: I just, I guess because I'm claustrophobic, I think I

564
00:42:38,200 --> 00:42:42,400
Speaker 7: would be losing my mind for an artist who's entire

565
00:42:43,080 --> 00:42:47,640
Speaker 7: existence is about self expression, and suddenly your tongue is

566
00:42:47,719 --> 00:42:51,200
Speaker 7: clapped and you can't speak, and you can't you can

567
00:42:51,280 --> 00:42:53,360
Speaker 7: make sense of what people are saying to you, But

568
00:42:53,440 --> 00:43:00,279
Speaker 7: when you try to express yourself, back, jarbled garbage comes out. Yeah,

569
00:43:00,400 --> 00:43:03,080
Speaker 7: things that you're very familiar with the Wizard of Oz Beatles' songs.

570
00:43:03,200 --> 00:43:05,080
Speaker 7: When you tried to express what you've just experienced, it

571
00:43:05,200 --> 00:43:09,360
Speaker 7: comes out as gibberish would be frightening.

572
00:43:09,560 --> 00:43:11,920
Speaker 3: I think that in the moment of having the stroke,

573
00:43:12,000 --> 00:43:17,200
Speaker 3: Scott was very calm, but he described the developing terror

574
00:43:17,840 --> 00:43:21,200
Speaker 3: of realizing that this was real, that this was ongoing,

575
00:43:21,360 --> 00:43:23,320
Speaker 3: that it was not a thing that was about to stop,

576
00:43:23,680 --> 00:43:28,320
Speaker 3: and that furthermore, he wasn't being believed by the healthcare

577
00:43:28,360 --> 00:43:33,640
Speaker 3: workers who were ostensibly supposed to be there to save

578
00:43:33,680 --> 00:43:34,080
Speaker 3: his life.

579
00:43:34,400 --> 00:43:37,239
Speaker 1: Yeah, everything that he was having to go through was

580
00:43:37,320 --> 00:43:40,520
Speaker 1: sort of deepened by this weird neglect and this doctor

581
00:43:40,520 --> 00:43:43,160
Speaker 1: who refuses to give him an MRI because he assumes

582
00:43:43,239 --> 00:43:46,920
Speaker 1: that Scott's a drunk and a burnout. He doesn't. So

583
00:43:47,040 --> 00:43:49,720
Speaker 1: the doctor didn't see a human being. He saw a type,

584
00:43:50,360 --> 00:43:54,560
Speaker 1: you know. And it's this question of like who decides

585
00:43:54,640 --> 00:43:56,040
Speaker 1: who's worthy of medical attention?

586
00:43:56,400 --> 00:43:58,680
Speaker 7: Right, And like when my friend had his stroke, they

587
00:43:58,719 --> 00:44:01,600
Speaker 7: said that the thing that doctor told him was like

588
00:44:01,800 --> 00:44:04,440
Speaker 7: every second we do not get an MRI on you,

589
00:44:04,600 --> 00:44:06,560
Speaker 7: and we don't figure out what is happening to you.

590
00:44:07,239 --> 00:44:10,359
Speaker 7: Your brain is getting killed. Parts of your brain are

591
00:44:10,440 --> 00:44:15,160
Speaker 7: drying and not to come back necessarily. So to be

592
00:44:15,280 --> 00:44:18,160
Speaker 7: in this dier of a situation and be denied care

593
00:44:18,400 --> 00:44:20,399
Speaker 7: just because they assume he's a drunk and like Scott said,

594
00:44:20,440 --> 00:44:23,360
Speaker 7: you know, maybe they have drunk homeless people come in

595
00:44:23,400 --> 00:44:24,799
Speaker 7: in all the time and they give them in our

596
00:44:24,840 --> 00:44:27,560
Speaker 7: eyes and they're just drunk. Maybe maybe that's the case,

597
00:44:27,719 --> 00:44:30,120
Speaker 7: but certainly we can do better.

598
00:44:32,200 --> 00:44:33,640
Speaker 6: That's the understatement.

599
00:44:33,840 --> 00:44:37,080
Speaker 7: Yeah, I mean, why isn't it just part of our system?

600
00:44:37,440 --> 00:44:40,600
Speaker 7: You know, when somebody's bought into an emergency room, if

601
00:44:40,680 --> 00:44:42,080
Speaker 7: I breathalyzer, give them what they need.

602
00:44:42,320 --> 00:44:44,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, because that's what I thought.

603
00:44:44,320 --> 00:44:48,120
Speaker 7: The juxtaposition of here's a guy that ofsentstantly nobody knows,

604
00:44:48,160 --> 00:44:49,840
Speaker 7: they think he's a drunk lane on the street, and

605
00:44:49,920 --> 00:44:52,120
Speaker 7: then Peter Buck walks in a lot of people know

606
00:44:52,200 --> 00:44:54,839
Speaker 7: who that is, and it's like, what difference does it make?

607
00:44:55,239 --> 00:44:57,759
Speaker 3: It shouldn't take a literal rock star walking into your

608
00:44:58,239 --> 00:44:59,919
Speaker 3: room to get something done.

609
00:45:00,200 --> 00:45:05,760
Speaker 6: That's very rare, very expensive insurance. I've got a Buck policy.

610
00:45:07,560 --> 00:45:11,120
Speaker 7: But yeah, I think it highlights the whole whole gap

611
00:45:11,360 --> 00:45:14,680
Speaker 7: in our health system. You know, if you're a recognized figure,

612
00:45:14,880 --> 00:45:19,440
Speaker 7: here's the door, come on in. But if you're just average.

613
00:45:19,080 --> 00:45:22,560
Speaker 6: Joe, I feel like a running theme in this show

614
00:45:23,080 --> 00:45:27,800
Speaker 6: is that the healthcare system is fucked beyond belief and

615
00:45:28,200 --> 00:45:29,080
Speaker 6: just getting.

616
00:45:28,840 --> 00:45:30,680
Speaker 1: Worse driven by profit.

617
00:45:31,040 --> 00:45:31,239
Speaker 2: Yeah.

618
00:45:31,600 --> 00:45:34,920
Speaker 3: Yeah, and it's not even that one doctor's fault. I mean,

619
00:45:35,880 --> 00:45:36,600
Speaker 3: it is his fault.

620
00:45:37,719 --> 00:45:40,440
Speaker 6: Screwed that guy, and it is both the faults of

621
00:45:40,480 --> 00:45:41,640
Speaker 6: the system and the top.

622
00:45:41,760 --> 00:45:43,880
Speaker 3: But we're right, and at the same time, you know,

623
00:45:44,080 --> 00:45:45,799
Speaker 3: like you have to, you have to empathize a little

624
00:45:45,800 --> 00:45:48,200
Speaker 3: bit with this, with this dude who you know, it's

625
00:45:48,239 --> 00:45:50,839
Speaker 3: probably working twelves, you know, he's probably working twelve hours

626
00:45:50,880 --> 00:45:53,960
Speaker 3: a day. He's seeing humanity when they are not at

627
00:45:54,040 --> 00:45:57,480
Speaker 3: their best. People walk into an er, are not having

628
00:45:57,520 --> 00:46:00,400
Speaker 3: a good day, they're not treating you well. It's difficult

629
00:46:00,520 --> 00:46:03,560
Speaker 3: to remain to remain empathetic for humanity when that is

630
00:46:03,840 --> 00:46:05,359
Speaker 3: what you are seeing day in and day out.

631
00:46:06,320 --> 00:46:08,560
Speaker 7: He's probably dealing with a certain amount of resource management

632
00:46:08,600 --> 00:46:08,920
Speaker 7: as well.

633
00:46:08,960 --> 00:46:11,640
Speaker 1: Oh of course, yeah, that's that's all true. But there

634
00:46:11,760 --> 00:46:16,439
Speaker 1: is still this underlying arrogance that goes with the white

635
00:46:16,520 --> 00:46:20,520
Speaker 1: coat that is just overwhelming at times. I mean, it's

636
00:46:20,560 --> 00:46:22,960
Speaker 1: it's sort of built into In other words, that's sure,

637
00:46:23,000 --> 00:46:25,480
Speaker 1: he had all these obstacles, but he wasn't able to

638
00:46:25,600 --> 00:46:28,320
Speaker 1: see correctly because he was stuck in his own arrogance,

639
00:46:28,360 --> 00:46:30,320
Speaker 1: which was something that I think was probably it's a

640
00:46:30,400 --> 00:46:31,120
Speaker 1: learned behavior.

641
00:46:31,160 --> 00:46:35,080
Speaker 6: Honestly, I also frequently think that that also depends on

642
00:46:35,520 --> 00:46:38,680
Speaker 6: the doctor's background, like jeep background, like where did they

643
00:46:38,760 --> 00:46:39,160
Speaker 6: come from?

644
00:46:39,320 --> 00:46:41,600
Speaker 2: I think, I think true.

645
00:46:41,640 --> 00:46:44,640
Speaker 1: But I think that arrogance is also systemic in medical school.

646
00:46:44,719 --> 00:46:46,920
Speaker 1: I think you're taught to have that sort of and

647
00:46:47,000 --> 00:46:48,800
Speaker 1: it maybe has to do with the policebo effect, like

648
00:46:48,960 --> 00:46:50,880
Speaker 1: you put somebody puts on a white coat and it's like, oh,

649
00:46:50,960 --> 00:46:53,719
Speaker 1: we believe him. We we we lose our autonomy as

650
00:46:53,960 --> 00:46:55,960
Speaker 1: over our own bodies because we trust this guy who

651
00:46:56,040 --> 00:46:58,960
Speaker 1: just walked in the door. And I think there's something

652
00:46:59,040 --> 00:47:01,680
Speaker 1: about that that is trained. I think that arrogance has

653
00:47:01,719 --> 00:47:03,480
Speaker 1: trained mostly I think an arrogance.

654
00:47:03,719 --> 00:47:03,919
Speaker 2: Yeah.

655
00:47:03,960 --> 00:47:07,920
Speaker 7: I will say it's remarkable what he's done since the stroke.

656
00:47:08,040 --> 00:47:11,319
Speaker 7: I mean, like he's put out I don't know if

657
00:47:11,320 --> 00:47:13,480
Speaker 7: the Baseball Project has put out another album, but he

658
00:47:13,640 --> 00:47:15,759
Speaker 7: just put out an album with Minus five and they're

659
00:47:15,800 --> 00:47:18,520
Speaker 7: on two. He's on a crazy tour this summer. It's

660
00:47:18,520 --> 00:47:20,040
Speaker 7: a great album. But to be able to do it,

661
00:47:20,160 --> 00:47:22,000
Speaker 7: you know, to be able to get out there and

662
00:47:22,120 --> 00:47:25,239
Speaker 7: keep doing it. And one thing about these stories, so

663
00:47:25,360 --> 00:47:28,000
Speaker 7: many of them are about redirecting. You have this near

664
00:47:28,080 --> 00:47:31,160
Speaker 7: death experience and it redirects your life. A light bulb

665
00:47:31,280 --> 00:47:33,120
Speaker 7: goes on on you. You see the path you should

666
00:47:33,120 --> 00:47:36,000
Speaker 7: have been on. And I think what's remarkable about Scott's

667
00:47:36,040 --> 00:47:39,399
Speaker 7: story is he was on that path already, like from

668
00:47:39,480 --> 00:47:42,960
Speaker 7: a young age. He discovered his love of music and

669
00:47:43,040 --> 00:47:46,080
Speaker 7: the community that that has built for him. And all

670
00:47:46,160 --> 00:47:48,200
Speaker 7: he got out of this experience was I don't have

671
00:47:48,320 --> 00:47:50,520
Speaker 7: much more time left to do this thing that I

672
00:47:50,640 --> 00:47:53,000
Speaker 7: love to do, and to create this thing I'm compelled

673
00:47:53,040 --> 00:47:55,440
Speaker 7: to create and to throw it out there in the universe.

674
00:47:55,520 --> 00:47:57,759
Speaker 7: God knows why. I'm being told almost that I have

675
00:47:57,960 --> 00:48:00,800
Speaker 7: to create. So many of us feel that impulse, and

676
00:48:00,880 --> 00:48:02,520
Speaker 7: he's lucky enough to be in a position where he

677
00:48:02,560 --> 00:48:04,360
Speaker 7: can act on it. Yeah, and he's not going to

678
00:48:04,400 --> 00:48:06,719
Speaker 7: give it up, you know. I think that's that's a

679
00:48:06,760 --> 00:48:07,880
Speaker 7: really cool part of his story.

680
00:48:08,080 --> 00:48:08,520
Speaker 1: I love to.

681
00:48:08,600 --> 00:48:12,680
Speaker 7: When he's dying in the ambulance and he just looks

682
00:48:12,719 --> 00:48:15,719
Speaker 7: out and sees the beautiful panorama.

683
00:48:15,160 --> 00:48:16,040
Speaker 2: Of San Francisco.

684
00:48:16,600 --> 00:48:18,000
Speaker 3: It's like, oh, what a nice day.

685
00:48:18,520 --> 00:48:18,759
Speaker 2: Yeah.

686
00:48:19,120 --> 00:48:19,319
Speaker 1: Yeah.

687
00:48:19,760 --> 00:48:21,520
Speaker 7: It's funny how many of these stories people are like, oh,

688
00:48:21,560 --> 00:48:22,879
Speaker 7: this would this would be a good moment.

689
00:48:23,040 --> 00:48:23,239
Speaker 5: Yeah.

690
00:48:23,920 --> 00:48:24,080
Speaker 2: Yeah.

691
00:48:24,719 --> 00:48:29,440
Speaker 3: I think I cried a little bit when the nurse

692
00:48:29,760 --> 00:48:32,160
Speaker 3: or hospital attendant or whoever it was, gave him back

693
00:48:32,200 --> 00:48:35,600
Speaker 3: the notebook because yeah, I've lost notebooks before, and it's

694
00:48:36,200 --> 00:48:40,880
Speaker 3: I mean, you know, stroke bigger issue losing a notebook crushing,

695
00:48:41,239 --> 00:48:42,280
Speaker 3: completely crushing.

696
00:48:43,080 --> 00:48:46,240
Speaker 6: Losing a notebook is it makes me very upset.

697
00:48:46,600 --> 00:48:48,279
Speaker 1: I like that he didn't just give the notebook back.

698
00:48:48,320 --> 00:48:49,680
Speaker 1: He had some commentation, right.

699
00:48:49,680 --> 00:48:51,880
Speaker 3: Yeah, he was like, well, I've added some notes. No,

700
00:48:54,080 --> 00:48:57,680
Speaker 3: it's like spell tracked but so sweet and I and

701
00:48:57,760 --> 00:48:59,840
Speaker 3: I also do want to put in here that his

702
00:49:00,080 --> 00:49:03,400
Speaker 3: philosophy of like, don't if you're an artist, do it

703
00:49:03,480 --> 00:49:05,719
Speaker 3: to art. Don't do it because you want to get

704
00:49:05,760 --> 00:49:07,680
Speaker 3: signed on a big label. Don't do it because you

705
00:49:07,760 --> 00:49:10,520
Speaker 3: want to go big, because that's not why you art.

706
00:49:10,920 --> 00:49:12,640
Speaker 3: And it's I know it's easy to say that from

707
00:49:12,680 --> 00:49:16,279
Speaker 3: a position of being a world touring artist, but at

708
00:49:16,280 --> 00:49:20,920
Speaker 3: the same time, yeah, like you can't believe me. I

709
00:49:21,080 --> 00:49:24,359
Speaker 3: say this as a human who works for her day

710
00:49:24,480 --> 00:49:28,960
Speaker 3: job in podcasting. You cannot make something go viral, that's

711
00:49:29,000 --> 00:49:33,960
Speaker 3: not what happens. But you can make beautiful, weird art yea.

712
00:49:34,640 --> 00:49:36,880
Speaker 1: And chances of it going viral have nothing to do

713
00:49:37,080 --> 00:49:39,360
Speaker 1: with you wanting that result have everything to do with

714
00:49:39,400 --> 00:49:40,400
Speaker 1: you actually being authentic.

715
00:49:40,800 --> 00:49:44,279
Speaker 3: Yeah, well, or well placed marketing and advertising.

716
00:49:44,440 --> 00:49:47,239
Speaker 7: But well, I think kind of back to what you

717
00:49:47,320 --> 00:49:49,960
Speaker 7: were saying. You know, his authenticity is what created that

718
00:49:50,040 --> 00:49:53,960
Speaker 7: opportunity to play with Ram. You know, like the Young

719
00:49:54,000 --> 00:49:55,960
Speaker 7: First Fellows. I knew them from when I was in

720
00:49:56,080 --> 00:49:58,239
Speaker 7: high school. They would play them on the progressive station

721
00:49:58,400 --> 00:50:00,680
Speaker 7: and I love their music and they we're coming up

722
00:50:00,680 --> 00:50:02,919
Speaker 7: at the same time as like the Replacements and Who's

723
00:50:02,920 --> 00:50:08,600
Speaker 7: Screwed two and Ram And what the indie music scene

724
00:50:08,800 --> 00:50:11,759
Speaker 7: represented to me at the time was people doing what

725
00:50:11,840 --> 00:50:13,960
Speaker 7: you're talking about, just make an art, to make art,

726
00:50:14,160 --> 00:50:18,960
Speaker 7: not trying to follow a trend. And the community that

727
00:50:19,080 --> 00:50:22,360
Speaker 7: he built through that. I mean, Scott not only is

728
00:50:23,160 --> 00:50:25,600
Speaker 7: in Minus five, he's in the Baseball Project, he plays

729
00:50:25,640 --> 00:50:28,279
Speaker 7: for Alejandro Escovito, he plays for m Ward, he plays

730
00:50:28,320 --> 00:50:31,200
Speaker 7: for all these different artists because he's going to support them.

731
00:50:31,280 --> 00:50:34,080
Speaker 7: He's going to become part of the team and play

732
00:50:34,320 --> 00:50:36,640
Speaker 7: at his ideas and play the music that he wants

733
00:50:36,680 --> 00:50:41,000
Speaker 7: to play. And out of that came this whole benefit concert.

734
00:50:41,320 --> 00:50:43,080
Speaker 7: As he said, you shouldn't have to depend on a

735
00:50:43,160 --> 00:50:47,960
Speaker 7: go fundme or a benefit concert to have your healthcare addressed.

736
00:50:48,280 --> 00:50:51,160
Speaker 7: In this country, healthcare should be all right. If you've

737
00:50:51,200 --> 00:50:53,640
Speaker 7: had a stroke and you're lying in the street and

738
00:50:53,719 --> 00:50:56,840
Speaker 7: people are stepping over your body, then you need to

739
00:50:56,880 --> 00:51:00,600
Speaker 7: be taken into a hospital and taken care of immediately. Well,

740
00:51:00,680 --> 00:51:03,279
Speaker 7: doing the story it's been I mean, I was not

741
00:51:03,520 --> 00:51:06,400
Speaker 7: extremely familiar with The Baseball Project. I kind of just

742
00:51:06,440 --> 00:51:08,759
Speaker 7: got to give them a plug because it's this band.

743
00:51:08,840 --> 00:51:11,800
Speaker 7: I'm not a baseball fan, but it's this band that

744
00:51:11,920 --> 00:51:14,759
Speaker 7: tells all these stories. All the songs are stories that

745
00:51:14,880 --> 00:51:18,200
Speaker 7: have really happened in baseball, and it's been such a

746
00:51:18,280 --> 00:51:21,359
Speaker 7: bleak period in this period of that we're living through

747
00:51:21,400 --> 00:51:22,600
Speaker 7: right now in baseball history.

748
00:51:23,160 --> 00:51:25,680
Speaker 1: In baseball, I have a doll.

749
00:51:26,200 --> 00:51:29,440
Speaker 7: I haven't followed baseball since the strikes of the early nineties,

750
00:51:30,360 --> 00:51:35,080
Speaker 7: but it has been such a dark time, like world

751
00:51:35,400 --> 00:51:38,319
Speaker 7: history wise. And then researching the story, going to the gym,

752
00:51:38,480 --> 00:51:42,800
Speaker 7: listening to his music to just kind of get a

753
00:51:42,840 --> 00:51:45,320
Speaker 7: background on it. It's been a delight to listen to

754
00:51:45,400 --> 00:51:48,040
Speaker 7: these records by The Baseball Project. So if you're in

755
00:51:48,120 --> 00:51:50,640
Speaker 7: a dark space and you want some good music, may

756
00:51:50,719 --> 00:51:54,040
Speaker 7: I recommend the album's three in Grand Salami Time by

757
00:51:54,080 --> 00:51:55,439
Speaker 7: The Baseball Project. They are a lot of fun.

758
00:52:06,760 --> 00:52:09,000
Speaker 1: Next week, on a Live Again, we meet Matthew Fortune,

759
00:52:09,120 --> 00:52:11,360
Speaker 1: who lived twenty five years on the street before a

760
00:52:11,440 --> 00:52:14,919
Speaker 1: fentanyl overdose stopped his heart. Your feet had been wet

761
00:52:15,400 --> 00:52:16,160
Speaker 1: for three days.

762
00:52:16,680 --> 00:52:19,800
Speaker 5: You're in wet clothes when it's freezing cold, and you

763
00:52:19,880 --> 00:52:20,720
Speaker 5: don't have a blanket.

764
00:52:20,800 --> 00:52:21,680
Speaker 2: You're in a T shirt.

765
00:52:22,200 --> 00:52:24,120
Speaker 5: If somebody hanging you a pipe and you can hit

766
00:52:24,160 --> 00:52:27,520
Speaker 5: it once and feel better, if you're gonna hit it

767
00:52:27,560 --> 00:52:31,640
Speaker 5: once and feel better, My heart started beating and then stopped,

768
00:52:31,719 --> 00:52:33,880
Speaker 5: and then started, and so they kept going, and so

769
00:52:34,000 --> 00:52:35,920
Speaker 5: they did it for about forty five minutes. It's a

770
00:52:36,000 --> 00:52:38,000
Speaker 5: miracle I was brought back because if you know anything

771
00:52:38,000 --> 00:52:40,800
Speaker 5: about CPR, they do not typically.

772
00:52:40,520 --> 00:52:43,200
Speaker 1: Go that long. He shares a brutal and honest account

773
00:52:43,200 --> 00:52:46,239
Speaker 1: of addiction, homelessness, and what it takes to rebuild a

774
00:52:46,320 --> 00:53:04,879
Speaker 1: life when there's nowhere left to fall. A heartfelt thank

775
00:53:04,880 --> 00:53:07,719
Speaker 1: you to Scott McCoy for generously sharing his story and

776
00:53:07,880 --> 00:53:11,120
Speaker 1: his music. This episode features songs from Scott's incredible body

777
00:53:11,160 --> 00:53:13,960
Speaker 1: of work, including tracks from The Young Fresh Fellows, The

778
00:53:14,040 --> 00:53:18,239
Speaker 1: Baseball Project, The Minus Five, and Alejandro Escaveto. For a

779
00:53:18,320 --> 00:53:21,160
Speaker 1: full list of songs featured in this episode, please visit

780
00:53:21,239 --> 00:53:23,520
Speaker 1: our show notes, where you can check out our website

781
00:53:23,960 --> 00:53:29,480
Speaker 1: Alive Again Project dot com. Our story producers are Dan Bush,

782
00:53:29,840 --> 00:53:35,040
Speaker 1: Kate Sweeney, Brent Die, Nicholas Dakowski, and Lauren Vogelbaum. Music

783
00:53:35,080 --> 00:53:39,080
Speaker 1: by Ben Lovet, additional music by Alexander Rodriguez. Our executive

784
00:53:39,120 --> 00:53:42,320
Speaker 1: producers are Matthew Frederick and Trevor Young. Special thanks to

785
00:53:42,360 --> 00:53:46,600
Speaker 1: Alexander Williams for additional production support. Our studio engineers are

786
00:53:46,680 --> 00:53:51,960
Speaker 1: Rima el Kali and Noames Griffin. Our editors are Dan Bush, Gerhartslovitch, Got,

787
00:53:52,160 --> 00:53:55,560
Speaker 1: Brent Die and Alexander Rodriguez. Mixing by Ben Lovett and

788
00:53:55,600 --> 00:54:00,320
Speaker 1: Alexander Rodriguez. I'm your host of Dan bushli n is

789
00:54:00,360 --> 00:54:03,560
Speaker 1: a production of I Art Radio and Psychopia Pictures. If

790
00:54:03,600 --> 00:54:06,840
Speaker 1: you have a transformative near death experience to share, we'd.

791
00:54:06,640 --> 00:54:07,520
Speaker 2: Love to hear your story.

792
00:54:08,000 --> 00:54:12,080
Speaker 1: Please email us at a Live Again Project at gmail

793
00:54:12,120 --> 00:54:15,640
Speaker 1: dot com. That's a l I v E A g

794
00:54:15,840 --> 00:54:19,040
Speaker 1: A I N P R O j E c T

795
00:54:19,600 --> 00:54:20,799
Speaker 1: at gmail dot com.

796
00:54:27,840 --> 00:54:36,359
Speaker 2: Lee one