Speaker 1: Hello, Catherine, Hi Chelsea, how are you?
Speaker 2: I am coming to you live from Los Angeles, Los Angeles.
Speaker 1: I can't believe it, you're actually here in your house.
Speaker 3: I know I'm not from Los Angeles.
Speaker 4: I'm so.
Speaker 2: I did Nueva yure Si, but I'm Pedro Estoi and
Speaker 2: Los Angeles.
Speaker 3: I am.
Speaker 2: I have a new assistant who only speaks Spanish to me,
Speaker 2: and I'm hoping that he will cut it out because
Speaker 2: we are not communicating well. I'm like, I only want
Speaker 2: you to speak Spanish and now then like three sentences in,
Speaker 2: I'm like, okay, a little bit of.
Speaker 1: English, you know what, starting with Panglish is fine.
Speaker 3: But I'm home. I'm a home in Los Angeles. I
Speaker 3: haven't been here in forever.
Speaker 2: My house is still not done, but I'm living in it,
Speaker 2: and Doug is here. And Doug loves me, and that
Speaker 2: is really the most important part of this story.
Speaker 1: Are you two having a love reconnection.
Speaker 2: He's so sweet, he loves me, He gets into bed,
Speaker 2: we play together, he follows me everywhere.
Speaker 3: I mean, this is exactly what I was hoping for.
Speaker 2: And my bell, he does not give a shit about
Speaker 2: my bell, and that is exactly what I was looking.
Speaker 1: For he's bonded with you.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah, we have a really ridiculous episode today.
Speaker 2: And I want to preface this episode by telling our
Speaker 2: listeners that I had my sisters back on the podcast
Speaker 2: because everybody really seemed to enjoy it last time, and
Speaker 2: everyone really enjoyed my niece episode, so.
Speaker 3: I mistakenly booked them again.
Speaker 2: And one of them is a hot fucking mess during
Speaker 2: this entire podcast, and I can't wait for you guys
Speaker 2: to figure out which person that is and understand why.
Speaker 2: The other sister, who was also on this podcast episode,
Speaker 2: has since told me they are no longer available to
Speaker 2: do podcast.
Speaker 4: When she said that is it.
Speaker 3: We're done with your podcast and you were done with us.
Speaker 1: I'm so sad. We love them, we love them on
Speaker 1: the podcast.
Speaker 2: I cannot believe this episode. I hope you guys enjoy it,
Speaker 2: and please let us know your thoughts. Please welcome Shoshana
Speaker 2: and Simone Handler.
Speaker 4: Hello, what are we talking about?
Speaker 3: You guys?
Speaker 2: We're talking You guys are doing the same fucking thing
Speaker 2: we did last time. We're giving counseling with Catherine. We're
Speaker 2: taking live callers.
Speaker 4: Before that, before the call, we're gonna well, I don't know.
Speaker 3: What did you take today?
Speaker 2: Anything special for your performance this afternoon? Are you on
Speaker 2: anything that we need to know about, Shshana.
Speaker 3: No, I'm not anything. That's a lie. I think you
Speaker 3: took something.
Speaker 4: No, I didn't.
Speaker 2: What would you prescribe doctor Handler a beta blocker? I
Speaker 2: would prescribe her a beta blocker. Actually, I've prescribed Simone
Speaker 2: a beta blocker before and with what success. Actually, for
Speaker 2: anyone who's listening, these are my two sisters, Simone and yes, Shashaana,
Speaker 2: I know that you're on something. I can tell by
Speaker 2: the smile on your face that you took something, and
Speaker 2: that's okay. You're allowed to take something if it calms
Speaker 2: your nerves to talk to people.
Speaker 4: Okay, let's go, do you.
Speaker 3: Anyway?
Speaker 2: These are my sisters, Simone and Shoshana, and they are
Speaker 2: back by popular demand.
Speaker 3: For ciss Cissy Advice.
Speaker 1: Truly popular, like your episode is one of our most
Speaker 1: listened to last year.
Speaker 2: Don't tell them they're gonna want to get into my
Speaker 2: cash flow if they know that, so don't give them
Speaker 2: too much background.
Speaker 5: Okay, please, Catherine, keep it to yourself.
Speaker 3: Girls, you know what we can talk about.
Speaker 2: Actually, to open up our episode today, we're going to
Speaker 2: talk about the fact that this was funny.
Speaker 3: I have a friend, Sophie.
Speaker 2: She came to visit us on vacation and she she
Speaker 2: was telling us about an recent experience she had at
Speaker 2: work getting an anonymous three sixty review. So the people
Speaker 2: that report to you or her in her case, reviewed
Speaker 2: her performance as a CEO and gave her feedback about herself.
Speaker 2: But I don't know why it's called an anonymous three
Speaker 2: sixty because it's not that.
Speaker 3: It's pretty obvious telling, you know.
Speaker 2: So anyway, she pitched the idea at our life summer
Speaker 2: vacation on the Vineyard when we were all together that
Speaker 2: we should do a performance anonymous three sixty review our
Speaker 2: family members our family members to see who fucking has
Speaker 2: earned the right to be on the trip and who hasn't,
Speaker 2: you know, like who's contributing? What does this person bring
Speaker 2: to the table. Does this person make drinks for everyone?
Speaker 2: Does this person cook?
Speaker 3: You know what?
Speaker 5: And everybody's on board.
Speaker 2: Everybody got it very very nervous, and especially Shshana and
Speaker 2: Simone were like, we're not doing that. And I was like,
Speaker 2: I think it's a great idea, and Sewn is like, well,
Speaker 2: who's gonna review you.
Speaker 3: I'm like, I have no secrets review me. I already
Speaker 3: know what you all think of me.
Speaker 4: And the only ones that really need to be nervous
Speaker 4: are the in laws.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's right, and they know why.
Speaker 6: Yeah, but I mean, you know you can't you come
Speaker 6: to the family. You know, your personality should have been
Speaker 6: checked before the marriage, not now twenty years later.
Speaker 4: Yeah, if they're gonna get booted.
Speaker 2: No, because of the exposure, the repetitive exposure that I'm
Speaker 2: subjected to, has made me rethink my strategy.
Speaker 3: Gee, I didn't know twenty years ago.
Speaker 2: That I wasn't gonna want a vacation with everybody all
Speaker 2: the time. Now I know because I've done it so
Speaker 2: many times that I have Like I it would be
Speaker 2: called a non anonymous three sixty. Actually we renamed it
Speaker 2: a non monogamous three sixty, which I'm not sure what
Speaker 2: that has anything to do with, but that's where we
Speaker 2: went with it. So anyway, just thoughts that are spinning around.
Speaker 2: That's the kind of vacations we have. I threaten my
Speaker 2: family when we go away that this may be the
Speaker 2: last trip ever.
Speaker 3: And that's pretty much the pattern.
Speaker 4: But let's face it, it's the in laws that are going
Speaker 4: to be at the top of the list.
Speaker 2: Okay, all right, well I guess you're trying to build
Speaker 2: immunity for yourself.
Speaker 5: But yeah, this is like survivor, it is.
Speaker 2: But what I decided to do so another way for
Speaker 2: me to avoid my in laws is I don't even
Speaker 2: know why I have in laws.
Speaker 3: I didn't get married, you know, why do I have
Speaker 3: to deal with this?
Speaker 2: So I decided to take all my nieces and nephews
Speaker 2: to my Orca and I was like, this is a
Speaker 2: good work around to avoid the other adult set, you know,
Speaker 2: are kind of But now I have two interlopers, my
Speaker 2: brother Glenn and Roy have invaded the trip. So we're
Speaker 2: doing an all boys trip.
Speaker 3: Apparently. I put them in.
Speaker 2: A hotel together, in a hotel room with two beds
Speaker 2: for two sixty year old men, and I think that
Speaker 2: is going to be fucking out of this world an adventure.
Speaker 4: And they're the two most opposite people you can put together, basically, like,
Speaker 4: you know, one's neat and one's a big slum.
Speaker 2: Well, Roy travels with a garbage bag as his suitcase.
Speaker 4: Well no, no, he goes shopping wherever he ends up
Speaker 4: and just buys some clothes there he travels.
Speaker 2: Light shopping is in quotes because I wouldn't call what
Speaker 2: he's doing shopping. It's like he picks up the basic necessities.
Speaker 2: So he'll get boxer shorts and maybe a couple T
Speaker 2: shirts and some gross, you know, sweatpant outfit thing.
Speaker 6: And something is he buys the T shirt from the
Speaker 6: place he's visiting, so all week long he's wearing the
Speaker 6: T shirt from the place the tourist buy. So it's
Speaker 6: like Martha's Vineyard all week or Edgartown and that's where
Speaker 6: he is. It doesn't make any sense.
Speaker 3: Roy is very much like our father.
Speaker 2: Our father was a slob, but not when he was younger,
Speaker 2: only when he was older.
Speaker 4: Yes, he got older, everything went down.
Speaker 2: It went downhill, right Like when I grew up. He
Speaker 2: would show up to my softball games. It was the
Speaker 2: sweaters covered in dog hair and just you know, embarrassing.
Speaker 2: It's like, yeah, slip on sneakers, what are those things
Speaker 2: that he wore?
Speaker 5: Those where you little duck shoes, little l Yeah, but he.
Speaker 2: Never put his foot fully in, so there's always half
Speaker 2: of his foot hanging.
Speaker 3: It was just so gross.
Speaker 2: Anyway, Roy has picked up some Seanna you have picked
Speaker 2: up some of the Dad's habits too.
Speaker 4: By the way, Oh really, would you care to expand?
Speaker 4: I'm not sure I want to hear this.
Speaker 5: You're gonna have to give examples.
Speaker 3: I don't know. I mean, Simone, I don't know. You're
Speaker 3: not a slob.
Speaker 5: I can give you one example that your driving skills
Speaker 5: are very much like Dad. Like you. Stops are just
Speaker 5: like a suggestion.
Speaker 6: To you, but behind places like you're like weaving in
Speaker 6: and out of traffic.
Speaker 3: Vashume he's a lunatic driver. I'm also not.
Speaker 2: I'm also a driver that's better on my own than
Speaker 2: having any passengers because I don't want to hear about
Speaker 2: it what I'm up to on the road.
Speaker 4: Listen, in New Jersey, it's every man for himself. You
Speaker 4: have to just survive, so you gotta do what you
Speaker 4: gotta do. It's genetic, though, is it. Yeah? I mean
Speaker 4: I learned to drive from him. We had to follow
Speaker 4: him to pick up used cars. And in order to
Speaker 4: follow him, you had to go through every red yellow
Speaker 4: light that existed just to stay with him because there
Speaker 4: was no you know, cell phone with directions like if
Speaker 4: you lost him, you were on your own and you
Speaker 4: would find a pay phone.
Speaker 2: He would be like, Hey, I need you to come
Speaker 2: with me to pick up a car, and you're like fuck.
Speaker 2: And then you had to go follow him to Verona
Speaker 2: or West Orange or something. And he never would stop
Speaker 2: at stop signs. Yellow lights meant go, red lights meant
Speaker 2: go slow through them while you look both ways.
Speaker 3: It was.
Speaker 2: And then if you didn't keep up with him, he'd
Speaker 2: scream at you and be like, why weren't you following me?
Speaker 3: It's like, because I'm he's not a fucking lunatic.
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's why I drive that way.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I have some special driving skills too. They're not they're
Speaker 2: not great. I mean I I think they're great, but
Speaker 2: most people don't. Most people don't drive it with me
Speaker 2: because they they'll get sick. But Shashana when Charlie was
Speaker 2: a little girl, remember she she got cars sick the
Speaker 2: whole time. When you would take her to school every morning,
Speaker 2: they thought she was she had motion sickness, which she does,
Speaker 2: but it was because Shawna gave it to her drivers,
Speaker 2: which she was.
Speaker 3: Shana.
Speaker 2: She would just and then in Africa this summer she
Speaker 2: threw up on the plane.
Speaker 5: No, she's had motion sickness. Every trip we've ever been on.
Speaker 4: She really had motion sickness and it was more like
Speaker 4: for long drive.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but she got the motion sickness from your driving.
Speaker 4: Well, you're entitled to your opinion, Simon.
Speaker 3: What do you have to say for yourself?
Speaker 5: Not much. I'm at work, girl, So this is you know,
Speaker 5: this is a little low.
Speaker 2: Well it's not that down low, Simon, because we have
Speaker 2: a lot of people that listen to this podcast, so
Speaker 2: they're gonna.
Speaker 3: Find out, Oh, I'm at work.
Speaker 2: Okay, So you're at work giving it life advice to people.
Speaker 4: This is your lunch hour. It's fine.
Speaker 5: Okay.
Speaker 4: So you want to talk about menopause.
Speaker 2: Sure, let's talk about that, because actually this is a subject.
Speaker 4: Where are you with your menopause journey?
Speaker 2: I don't know because I got an ablazion after Simone
Speaker 2: got one and she told me about it, and then
Speaker 2: I went and got one immediately, and I don't know
Speaker 2: if I where I am because I don't get a
Speaker 2: people the way, have.
Speaker 5: You told your listeners about that procedure, because that.
Speaker 6: Procedure is not very like well known and doctors don't
Speaker 6: talk about it.
Speaker 2: An ablazion we've talked about it, Yeah, we have we have. Yeah, yeah, no,
Speaker 2: it's it's amazing. It's the best thing I've ever done.
Speaker 2: I mean not ever, but it's one of the best
Speaker 2: things I've ever done. It's amazing once you stop getting
Speaker 2: your period, that you just forget about periods altogether. Like
Speaker 2: it should be like more of a season of gratefulness
Speaker 2: to celebrate no more periods before you just ease into
Speaker 2: the rest of your life.
Speaker 3: Because if someone.
Speaker 2: I mean I would have gotten rid of it when
Speaker 2: I was sixteen, if I had known about this Ablasian thing.
Speaker 4: But for most people, they have to go through everything else.
Speaker 4: I mean, most people are not getting an Ablasian to
Speaker 4: start menopause.
Speaker 5: But they should.
Speaker 6: Like that's my point, Like if people like goo, they suffer,
Speaker 6: they have heavy periods, they have accidents then, and the
Speaker 6: doctor never brings up that this is an option. That's
Speaker 6: my point is that it's like such a great option
Speaker 6: if you're done having kids.
Speaker 1: And you had a good experience with that, Oh my.
Speaker 6: God, it took like fifteen minutes and then my life
Speaker 6: was like back on track.
Speaker 1: That's amazing.
Speaker 6: It was literally anemic for like two years before that,
Speaker 6: and it just solved that problem overnight.
Speaker 3: SHAWNA. Do you still get your period?
Speaker 4: No, So a lot of people don't know this. The
Speaker 4: definition of menopause is the day. It's one day, twelve
Speaker 4: months after you've stopped getting periods. It's literally one day.
Speaker 3: So good to know.
Speaker 4: You're either premenopausal, which happens like for years before you
Speaker 4: actually go through menopause, or your postmenopausal, or you have
Speaker 4: menopause for one day. So there's pretty much before or after.
Speaker 4: So yes, I have I probably a year and a half,
Speaker 4: so I am postmenopausal, but I'm suffering from hot flashes,
Speaker 4: night sweats, mood swings, poor sleep, weight gain.
Speaker 2: You wouldn't say that's menopause. You would say that's postmenopausal
Speaker 2: because those are all menopausal symptoms.
Speaker 4: Now, all these symptoms can happen before, during, and after.
Speaker 2: Yes, okay, So so menopause is the day you said,
Speaker 2: twelve months after you've had your last period. Yes, and
Speaker 2: it's just that one day, Yeah, like Halloween.
Speaker 4: Exactly one day. I've never heard that before.
Speaker 6: I always thought it was a period of time that
Speaker 6: you're having symptoms.
Speaker 5: It's not the whole period of time.
Speaker 4: No, people just confuse the term and it's just become like,
Speaker 4: you know, vernacular. But really it's not, you know, it's
Speaker 4: just the literally that one day that you're one year
Speaker 4: without any period.
Speaker 3: So okay, well that's that's good information to know.
Speaker 4: You know, but that all these symptoms can last from
Speaker 4: you know, a year to ten years even.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't know if I have symptoms.
Speaker 2: I mean I sometimes wake up sweaty and that that's something,
Speaker 2: But I don't know about other symptoms.
Speaker 3: I don't know what are the other symptoms, memory.
Speaker 4: Memory loss or memory problems, trouble, sleeping, hot splashes, night sweats,
Speaker 4: vaginal dryness.
Speaker 2: Thank you, that sounds hot. Thank you for bringing that up.
Speaker 2: So it's like, what time is it is? It's not
Speaker 2: even noon. I want to talk about vaginal dryness. What
Speaker 2: are people supposed to do about vaginal dryness?
Speaker 3: Lube? Is that what you're supposed to do?
Speaker 2: And are you supposed to lubricate your vagina when you're
Speaker 2: having sex only or are you supposed to lubricate it
Speaker 2: all the time?
Speaker 3: How does that work?
Speaker 5: That seems like a subject for another project.
Speaker 2: No, guys, this is a health podcast shown us A
Speaker 2: registered nurse, Simone works in the healthcare industry and I'm
Speaker 2: a doctor.
Speaker 3: So between the three of us we can figure out.
Speaker 4: So you can't explore hormones, hormone replacement or bioidentical hormones.
Speaker 4: And yes, you can supplement with loub.
Speaker 3: Supplement with lube.
Speaker 2: You're not supposed to lubricate your cayslopis every day, right.
Speaker 5: I don't think we know the answer to that questioned Again.
Speaker 2: I think the answer is no, no, no, pun intended
Speaker 2: or pun intended.
Speaker 1: I do have a question about have you both been
Speaker 1: through menopause or like postmenopausal?
Speaker 5: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Yeah, So aside from the physical manifestations of it, are
Speaker 1: there any sort of like emotional positive emotional feelings that
Speaker 1: you've gotten, Like, yeah, great. You know, some cultures believe
Speaker 1: that postmenopausal women are like basically your like goddesses because
Speaker 1: you have that sort of strength of character and not
Speaker 1: giving a fuck that you do before you go through puberty.
Speaker 1: Are you feeling any of that? Are you feeling extra confident, happy,
Speaker 1: anything like that?
Speaker 6: I feel like you get that with age, but I
Speaker 6: don't know that it's directly related to hormones or menopause.
Speaker 5: I feel like after you get to a certain age,
Speaker 5: you start to give less and less of a fuck.
Speaker 6: I mean about everything, and that you don't like people
Speaker 6: have opinions. You're like whatever, you just don't care. But
Speaker 6: I don't know that that's an effect of menopause. I
Speaker 6: think that menopause does have some like emotional like valleys,
Speaker 6: kind of like this same thing when you're having your
Speaker 6: period or whatever, you're on this sort of you know,
Speaker 6: emotional roller coaster your whole life. I think you go
Speaker 6: through that during menopause too. Some people get really really
Speaker 6: sad and emotional, and some people don't.
Speaker 5: Like it's very very individual.
Speaker 2: And it's just so annoying that there's not a barometer
Speaker 2: to tell you when you're feeling those mood swings that
Speaker 2: it's related to your hormones. Like it would be more
Speaker 2: beneficial to say, you have a mood coming on for
Speaker 2: the next two to four days and you're going to
Speaker 2: be a bitch, Like I want to know that information,
Speaker 2: Like there should be some sort of smart app that
Speaker 2: can tell you, But.
Speaker 3: Sure there is, actually there has to be.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I'm sure it has to do with your temperature,
Speaker 6: Like you could put something, you could put a monitor
Speaker 6: on you that would be able to show your cycles,
Speaker 6: but nobody you know, because women's health is such a
Speaker 6: low priority in terms of what people are working on.
Speaker 6: It's probably just not out there, but I guarantee that
Speaker 6: that can be easily created.
Speaker 2: And ablationions are recommended highly for people with endometriosis, right, yeah,
Speaker 2: because of the Yeah, so if you have endometriosis, you're
Speaker 2: definitely a candidate. Before we take callers, here's an upbeat question.
Speaker 2: Where do your favorite memories from childhood? Lie, Shauna, you
Speaker 2: go first?
Speaker 4: I would have to say Martha's Vineyard for sure. It's,
Speaker 4: you know, still to this day, my favorite place in
Speaker 4: the world. And I just remember like there always being
Speaker 4: somebody around to play with, to hang out with, to
Speaker 4: do something with because we had six kids, and just
Speaker 4: like an endless summer, you know, that just was seemed
Speaker 4: like forever and it was like Cameloin just beautiful, just
Speaker 4: beautiful memories of the beach and the water and warm
Speaker 4: weather and good food and laughing and playing and ticks.
Speaker 4: That would definitely be it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, what about you, Simone?
Speaker 6: Actually this came up recently because I was talking to
Speaker 6: someone about mom and different memories that came up, and
Speaker 6: this really really strong memory came up of a trip
Speaker 6: I took with her when I was about ten years old.
Speaker 6: For some reason, she just I don't know, you were
Speaker 6: like an I think she chills. And I took a
Speaker 6: trip with her to California. So it was my first
Speaker 6: trip to Seattle and then LA and it was just
Speaker 6: the two of us, or mom and me, and we
Speaker 6: just did all of.
Speaker 5: This cool stuff together.
Speaker 6: And we rented a car together and I got a
Speaker 6: map and we like went all around LA and all
Speaker 6: around Seattle and it was just like this really really
Speaker 6: I have no idea again why nobody else came, but
Speaker 6: it was just such a really fond memory that I
Speaker 6: have my first plane ride and my first like big city,
Speaker 6: and I don't know, I just had have been thinking
Speaker 6: about that for a while because it was just one
Speaker 6: on one time.
Speaker 2: I remember a time when I was eight or nine
Speaker 2: and Mom took you to look at colleges.
Speaker 3: I think, Simone, now I.
Speaker 2: Must have been seven, because you would have been seventeen,
Speaker 2: and she was taking you to look at colleges. And
Speaker 2: I remember being so fucking pissed at her for leaving
Speaker 2: me alone with Dad, and I was like unforgiving, like
Speaker 2: I wrote her the nastiest letter.
Speaker 5: You wrote her a letter in response.
Speaker 2: I was like I cannot believe that you would leave
Speaker 2: a seven year old daughter alone with your husband. Been like,
Speaker 2: this is ridiculous and you've deserted me and I Yeah,
Speaker 2: I was so pissed at her for taking that trip.
Speaker 2: So that was another trip you got to take with
Speaker 2: mom alone while I stayed at home with dad.
Speaker 6: All about that, Seanna, where were you in that scenario?
Speaker 6: It seems like you would have been like helping out?
Speaker 4: Now, Yeah, I mean, how old would I have been five?
Speaker 3: Twelve? If I was seven?
Speaker 2: You were twelve once Simone went for the second trip,
Speaker 2: is what I'm talking about. Oh, so you were twelve,
Speaker 2: so you were probably torturing me as usual.
Speaker 4: Probably probably, or vice versa.
Speaker 2: Okay, Well, my favorite memories are for Martha's Vineyard, for sure.
Speaker 2: I have only fond memories from Martha's Vineyard, even though
Speaker 2: that is where we found out our brother died and
Speaker 2: my brother's favorite place. I think of Martha's Vineyard as
Speaker 2: like the most idyllic childhood scenes. Everything was so nice,
Speaker 2: our bikes and riding into town and hitchhiking and walking
Speaker 2: around in bare Feet and Main Street and Egertown and
Speaker 2: going to South Beach and just the food and the
Speaker 2: blueberries and all this. Yeah, it was really Those are
Speaker 2: my favorite memories.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I think it's part of it.
Speaker 6: It's just the freedom we had up there, Like we
Speaker 6: were so lucky that I think that was the single
Speaker 6: best decision probably my father ever made, was to buy
Speaker 6: a house up there. As opposed to all the kids
Speaker 6: that we grew up with, they all went down to
Speaker 6: the Jersey Shore every summer, and I was like jealous
Speaker 6: of that until I realized that Snooky.
Speaker 2: Then she met Snooky and was like, wait a second,
Speaker 2: and we were in the right place at the right.
Speaker 5: Time, in the right place. We got to escape.
Speaker 6: Like I literally had a completely different friend set, different personality,
Speaker 6: like a whole different life up there. It was like
Speaker 6: having literally having a double life. Like living up there
Speaker 6: in the summers was so awesome, and we had so
Speaker 6: much freedom because our parents were always out to lunch.
Speaker 3: Yeah, not out to lunch. Not No, they wouldn't even
Speaker 3: go out to lunch. That would have been an improvement.
Speaker 2: Okay, we're going to take a break and we're going
Speaker 2: to be right back to take some calls.
Speaker 1: This week. We'd love for you to write in questions
Speaker 1: you have about your new relationship. If you're newly dating
Speaker 1: someone and you're not sure how to proceed with a
Speaker 1: certain element of your relationship. Right into Dear Chelsea podcast
Speaker 1: at gmail dot com.
Speaker 5: And we're back.
Speaker 3: We're back with Shashana and Simonehmmler.
Speaker 2: These are my sisters and they are back by popular
Speaker 2: demand to give it.
Speaker 3: We're giving family advice, right.
Speaker 1: We're giving some sister advice. Yes, we've got some kids advice.
Speaker 4: Well.
Speaker 1: Our first question comes from Jeannette. She is in Illinois.
Speaker 1: She's in her sixties. I'm from a small town in
Speaker 1: northern Illinois, and my husband and I have been married
Speaker 1: for twenty seven years. Our two sons have graduated college
Speaker 1: and moved to Nashville. They love it. We travel to
Speaker 1: see them once a month. We love the city too,
Speaker 1: comedy clubs, live music, art. We'd like to buy a
Speaker 1: second home in Nashville, but wonder if we should wait
Speaker 1: until the market changes. There are so many opinions on
Speaker 1: both sides whether to wait or not. Financially, we can
Speaker 1: afford it, especially because we spend money on a hotel
Speaker 1: once a month. We love our empty, nesting lives right
Speaker 1: now and love that we can see our kids here
Speaker 1: and there when we visit. What do you think, Jeanette.
Speaker 2: About what getting a second home real estate market? I
Speaker 2: can't get financial advice. I am not equipped for that really.
Speaker 6: First of all, if they're buying a house in Nashville
Speaker 6: because that's where their sons are living and going to college,
Speaker 6: they may not be living there in three years or
Speaker 6: five years, like they might, you know, go somewhere else.
Speaker 4: It might go to West.
Speaker 5: Don't pick Nashville because your sons are there.
Speaker 6: If you want a second home, picket wherever you want
Speaker 6: to live, but don't base.
Speaker 2: It on the yes exactly, stay at the hotel that's better.
Speaker 2: You think, yeah, it's more sexy or it's fun. A
Speaker 2: house is a pantastic You don't buy a house because
Speaker 2: you don't follow your children to college so.
Speaker 1: They're all graduated.
Speaker 5: People do follow their kids to college. People do I know?
Speaker 3: I know, I know.
Speaker 2: I just met a coproge did it. I was like what,
Speaker 2: They're like, Oh, our kids are in London. I just
Speaker 2: was in it with a couple and they're like, our
Speaker 2: kids are in London, so we're going to London. I'm
Speaker 2: like to what follow them around and they're like, yeah,
Speaker 2: we just want to be close to them.
Speaker 1: See, my mom said that she got advice recently that
Speaker 1: like people full her age and she's in her seventies.
Speaker 1: She was like, go move where your kids are. Don't
Speaker 1: expect them to move home, Like go be by them
Speaker 1: and you can like help out with childcare.
Speaker 4: And well maybe when they have kids and they're older
Speaker 4: and they've starting their own families, you're gonna want to
Speaker 4: see your grandkids and you want to help with them.
Speaker 4: But when they're in college, you know, just go get
Speaker 4: out Airbnb or hotel and you know, hang out a
Speaker 4: few days or whatever. But I mean to buy a house,
Speaker 4: that's a pretty big commitment.
Speaker 3: Shot out.
Speaker 2: You're a recent empty nester. What do you have to
Speaker 2: say for yourself?
Speaker 4: Listen, it's hard. It's hard. I only have one that left.
Speaker 4: I have one still in high school. My daughter just
Speaker 4: left for college this year, and it's been a major transition.
Speaker 4: You know, when you when they're little and you start
Speaker 4: a family, you never really think about that day that's
Speaker 4: going to come and they're going to go off to
Speaker 4: college somewhere far away, And it is really a slap
Speaker 4: in the face. To be honest, what is happening? Like
Speaker 4: how did I get here?
Speaker 1: But I mean a.
Speaker 5: Slap in the face. That's exactly what you want them
Speaker 5: to do.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean I know, but you know it's really
Speaker 4: like I just was not ready emotionally like ouch, Like
Speaker 4: that sucked.
Speaker 3: What was the tell us about it?
Speaker 2: Because I'm sure a lot of women are listening that
Speaker 2: are experiencing at so talk about it.
Speaker 4: I mean, there's lots of excitement, of course for your
Speaker 4: child to start this new adventure, and you want them
Speaker 4: to have a great experience and leading up to it,
Speaker 4: you know, you are trying to be positive and encouraging,
Speaker 4: you know, but in the back of your mind there's
Speaker 4: just this little bit of dread or sadness, like when
Speaker 4: that day actually happens, Like what am I going to do?
Speaker 4: Am I going to like completely break down in front
Speaker 4: of my child? Am I going to pull it together?
Speaker 4: Am I gonna what's going to happen?
Speaker 3: And what did happen? Shauna?
Speaker 4: So Mike and I my husband Mike, Charlie's dad, we
Speaker 4: took her to college. We spent a few days and
Speaker 4: got her all set, decorated a room, and her roommate
Speaker 4: went out to dinner and we did really well, and
Speaker 4: then it was time to go and we kept it
Speaker 4: together until we shut the door. When we said goodbye,
Speaker 4: literally in the hallway of her dorm, about ten feet
Speaker 4: from closing the door and saying final device, we both
Speaker 4: started crying. And unfortunately for my son Russell, who's fourteen,
Speaker 4: and he was like, what the fuck are you guys doing?
Speaker 4: It was like I'm so embarrassed, but we were both crying.
Speaker 6: It was it's not just bad, like that moment is
Speaker 6: really bittersweet, and you know, because you're like happy for them,
Speaker 6: but you're sad and all that stuff, but it's it's
Speaker 6: like the change in the dynamic of the family that changes.
Speaker 5: So now Russell, like.
Speaker 6: The two of you are focusing your attention on him
Speaker 6: because she's away and doing whatever she wants and studying,
Speaker 6: and he's kind of like the center of your activity now,
Speaker 6: and the whole dynamic changes. And I think that's what
Speaker 6: you can't predict how that changes.
Speaker 4: Right right definitely after is you know, it's a whole
Speaker 4: different environment. My Charlie is much more outgoing and loud.
Speaker 4: My son Russell is more quiet, and he plays video
Speaker 4: games and keeps to himself, and now we do focus
Speaker 4: a lot more attention on him and you know, he
Speaker 4: guys didn't really like it, but so well, but we're
Speaker 4: or we're all just figuring it out and you know,
Speaker 4: it's fine. It's just different and it gets better as
Speaker 4: it goes, like each month gets a little easier. And
Speaker 4: also knowing that your child is doing well makes it
Speaker 4: a lot easier. You know, my daughter's happy, she's thriving,
Speaker 4: she has lots of new friends, and that definitely like
Speaker 4: makes you feel better about the whole situation. And thank
Speaker 4: god for FaceTime and you know, texting all the time.
Speaker 3: But it's the worst one is the first one? Right?
Speaker 5: No, I don't know. I think it depends how you
Speaker 5: know your dynamic.
Speaker 6: Like for me, I think the first one was hard,
Speaker 6: but I still had two kids at home, so it
Speaker 6: was like I went home to a busy household. It
Speaker 6: wasn't like every day I was thinking about Jake being
Speaker 6: away and you know, how is he doing? And I
Speaker 6: think by the time Seneca was ready to go to college,
Speaker 6: I was like totally ready, like here go, you go
Speaker 6: do your thing. And so you know, while I still
Speaker 6: miss her, it's not the same thing. It's like I'm
Speaker 6: ready to be an adult in the of her and
Speaker 6: independent of kids, and she's ready to go off to college.
Speaker 6: So but it kind of got easier with each one,
Speaker 6: not harder.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I remember telling mom and Dad that I was going
Speaker 2: to California, that I was going to drive across country
Speaker 2: and move in with Gaby and Terry, our aunt and uncle.
Speaker 2: And they were like, please go, you know, like, don't
Speaker 2: wait another second. And Dad went and got me four
Speaker 2: new tires for the car that I was driving across country.
Speaker 2: He had never ever sprung for four new tires for
Speaker 2: any car I drove, and he'd got me four new tires.
Speaker 2: And they were like, don't let the door hit you
Speaker 2: on the way out, like we are so fucking sick
Speaker 2: of you. And it was the best decision I ever made,
Speaker 2: because then I then I started to like my family again,
Speaker 2: once I got enough distance.
Speaker 5: Yeah, three thousand miles. It's the perfect amount of distance.
Speaker 2: Absolutely, a drive across country will set anybody straight, that's true.
Speaker 3: I do remember though, when Simone went to college.
Speaker 2: That was a big gut punch for me because she
Speaker 2: was my ally in my house against my father. She
Speaker 2: would be our mediator and I did not get along
Speaker 2: with my father for those years. And she went to
Speaker 2: college to Emory, which I visited her frequently.
Speaker 3: And Shauna, you did too right.
Speaker 4: Only with the family, not by myself. Okay, I think
Speaker 4: went by yourself.
Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, you went rogue and came over when you
Speaker 6: were eleven years old. I think mom and dad like
Speaker 6: sent you on a plane to visit me. I don't
Speaker 6: really understand how this went down, but you were eleven,
Speaker 6: and so that means I was twenty one and I
Speaker 6: took you everywhere I went, and I took you, which she.
Speaker 2: Took me to my first bar called Pj's in Atlanta,
Speaker 2: and I went in and she got carted and I
Speaker 2: did it.
Speaker 3: So I was eleven, so that gives eleven.
Speaker 6: They didn't really think you were there to drink, but well, sorry,
Speaker 6: I left you.
Speaker 5: But I had to do it. You had to grow
Speaker 5: up somehow.
Speaker 4: I know.
Speaker 2: I know that was traumatizing, actually very traumatizing, being alone
Speaker 2: with my fucking parents.
Speaker 3: Okay, anyway, I'm glad I got that off my chest.
Speaker 1: Let's call the Amos almost so, Lene is our next caller.
Speaker 2: Shauna, stopped moving your fucking camera around. You're making me nauseous.
Speaker 4: It's saying that I have low bandwidth.
Speaker 2: You do because you're going in and out. You're kind
Speaker 2: of crackling up.
Speaker 4: All right, I'm moving relocated.
Speaker 1: Awesome, We're gonna hurt you in the basement.
Speaker 3: That was Shauna to a tea.
Speaker 2: Every time she calls, it's like hello, Hello, all right,
Speaker 2: yeah I think so Shanna, Yeah.
Speaker 3: Okay, all right.
Speaker 1: Well our next color is Lane.
Speaker 3: Lane Bryant.
Speaker 1: Mm hmmm hm, Lane, says dear Chelsea. About two years ago,
Speaker 1: I got out of a ten year relationship. Then a
Speaker 1: month ago, I got out of a one year long
Speaker 1: distance friends with benefits scenario that started as something sexy
Speaker 1: and fun, but feelings were caught and it turned into
Speaker 1: an exclusive, confusing situationship with a bit of an emotional ending.
Speaker 1: So she originally had emailed to talk about how she
Speaker 1: can find a friends with benefit situation, but she updated
Speaker 1: with since I wrote in I've had a change of heart.
Speaker 1: I recently read an awesome book How to Be Single,
Speaker 1: and it got me excited and wanting to embrace the
Speaker 1: solo time. I want to prioritize being present and intentional
Speaker 1: in my decisions, and I need a break from getting
Speaker 1: caught up in relation and situationships. All of this was
Speaker 1: further sparked by your episode with Jane Fonda and the
Speaker 1: caller discussing her divorce. That was me a year and
Speaker 1: a half ago, and I'm at a place now where
Speaker 1: I can tell people like that caller, you'll make it
Speaker 1: through to the other side and it can actually feel great.
Speaker 1: So my question is what strategies do you have for
Speaker 1: staying present and intentional, staying strong in moments of loneliness,
Speaker 1: and overcoming societal pressures. In terms of relationships, Lane.
Speaker 3: Hi lay these are my sisters, Shashana and Simoe.
Speaker 7: Oh I want to fother me too.
Speaker 3: Ah, So where do you want to begin? Where?
Speaker 2: Okay, so you want to know how to stay present
Speaker 2: and focus or tips to stay present and focus. First
Speaker 2: of all, I want to say something about loneliness. I
Speaker 2: really don't. I think a lot of us are confused
Speaker 2: about what loneliness is because we're so scared of it.
Speaker 2: And like, being alone doesn't necessarily mean you have to
Speaker 2: be feeling lonely, right, being alone can be very fulfilling
Speaker 2: when you use your time and spend it in ways
Speaker 2: that make you happy, like reading a really good book
Speaker 2: or exercising or just watching TV in bed or whatever
Speaker 2: you're stuff is, whatever you like to do. Any opportunity
Speaker 2: I get to be by myself, I jump at it.
Speaker 2: I spent a long time not being able to be alone,
Speaker 2: but I appreciate my alone time. And I think as
Speaker 2: you get older, you become much more comfortable with yourself
Speaker 2: and your alone time. So don't obfuscate loneliness with being alone.
Speaker 7: Definitely, And I think, like that's something I'm just currently
Speaker 7: going through the process of learning and really embracing. I
Speaker 7: think I spent, you know, many years in a long
Speaker 7: term relationship, and you know, towards the end of that,
Speaker 7: things just weren't feeling right anymore. And then after I
Speaker 7: left it, I kind of fell into this old pattern
Speaker 7: of maybe that little feeling of loneliness creeps in and
Speaker 7: then you start reaching out to things that you don't
Speaker 7: actually want or maybe that you're not ready for. And
Speaker 7: so I'm just right now trying to find ways to
Speaker 7: like quiet that loneliness feeling, I guess, and really just
Speaker 7: embrace and be excited about being on my own, because
Speaker 7: I don't necessarily think being alone is a scary thing.
Speaker 7: It's something really exciting that I really just want to
Speaker 7: embrace right now.
Speaker 2: You should write down when you're feeling that way, like
Speaker 2: feeling really lonely, and write the situation around it, like
Speaker 2: what happened to your day, what happened during your day?
Speaker 2: Who did you talk to? Why are you feeling lonely?
Speaker 2: The more you examine things, the more they kind of
Speaker 2: go away. I feel like you kind of face it
Speaker 2: head on, where you're like, oh, this is interesting, I'm
Speaker 2: feeling this right now. Why am I feeling this? What
Speaker 2: happens today to make me feel this way? Is this
Speaker 2: a result of something else that happened last week? You
Speaker 2: know that kind of stuff. It's almost just like a
Speaker 2: practice of getting to know yourself so that you get
Speaker 2: into a more comfortable ease with yourself in your alone time.
Speaker 2: I mean all three of us, as Simo and Shashana
Speaker 2: and myself spend an ordered amount of time alone. I
Speaker 2: would say, but okay, what was your other topic that
Speaker 2: you wanted to discuss?
Speaker 6: You're asking me about being present, trying to be more present.
Speaker 7: Yeah, I think president just really intentional, Like I think
Speaker 7: I met this like new area in my life for
Speaker 7: a new chapter where I just have time to really
Speaker 7: get to know myself, and I just don't I think
Speaker 7: like sometimes it's like easy where especially kind of like
Speaker 7: I guess one of the things I talked about was
Speaker 7: like societal pressure. Your friends are like, oh, I could
Speaker 7: set you up with someone, or you have someone that
Speaker 7: asks you out, and you're like, oh, I couldn't be
Speaker 7: interested in pursuing that. But I just like don't want
Speaker 7: any noise of that right now. I just want to
Speaker 7: kind of embrace being president intentional, and when I am
Speaker 7: ready to like kind of move into dating or anything
Speaker 7: kind of casual, I just want to be able to
Speaker 7: like be very clear and my decision making and my
Speaker 7: choices and just be really confident in all of that.
Speaker 1: And not get roped into a relationship right exactly.
Speaker 7: Like I think it's so easy where like if you
Speaker 7: kind of like meet someone and then all of a sudden,
Speaker 7: like you kind of get that attachment to them and
Speaker 7: they kind of feeled, you know, that void of comfort
Speaker 7: or validation, and I just don't want to I don't
Speaker 7: want someone else to provide that for me. I want
Speaker 7: to be able to provide that for myself right now
Speaker 7: and really kind of lead into that.
Speaker 5: It sounds like you know what you want.
Speaker 3: Actually, you sound like you're being pretty intentional.
Speaker 5: Yeah, Like I think what you're saying about.
Speaker 6: You know, having you finally have some time alone, you
Speaker 6: want to get to know yourself better, Like act on that,
Speaker 6: like write down the things that you want to do
Speaker 6: for yourself.
Speaker 5: I mean, you're going to meet people along the way.
Speaker 6: There will always be people trying to set you up
Speaker 6: or whatever, but you don't have to jump into that.
Speaker 6: You can just be very intentional about saying that's nice,
Speaker 6: but that's not where I am right now. You know,
Speaker 6: you can still be social, you can still go out,
Speaker 6: but focus on the things that bring you joy or
Speaker 6: things that you've wanted to try that you've never tried.
Speaker 5: I mean, this is a like.
Speaker 6: There's a lot of freedom that comes with being alone too,
Speaker 6: Like there's a lot of obligations when you're committed to someone,
Speaker 6: not necessarily in a bad way. But now that you
Speaker 6: have this time in this space, Like why don't you
Speaker 6: explore that a little bit, Like go a little bit
Speaker 6: deeper and try to spend some time on what you
Speaker 6: really want to do and that those things that you
Speaker 6: like they shouldn't go away if you start a relationship either.
Speaker 5: That's something to keep in mind. Like I think a
Speaker 5: lot of people like do.
Speaker 6: Things when they're alone, and then there are things when
Speaker 6: they have their partner, and those things don't always overlap,
Speaker 6: which I think can be really problematic.
Speaker 7: Definitely, And I think kind of along with what you're
Speaker 7: saying is within the last couple of months, I've just
Speaker 7: found this new ground energy, a way to show up
Speaker 7: for friends and family in a way that I maybe
Speaker 7: wasn't fully able to when you are in relationship.
Speaker 3: Totally totally, but I do.
Speaker 7: Find too, like, especially when you're like friends or family
Speaker 7: members that are like, are you happy you're alone? And
Speaker 7: I just want to be like, well, I just don't
Speaker 7: feel like alone is a bad word, and how do I? Yeah,
Speaker 7: But every now and then, you know, you have that
Speaker 7: like kind of dark, lonely voice that does come in,
Speaker 7: and I just want to remind myself of the times
Speaker 7: like right now where I'm feeling very much more like
Speaker 7: strong about it and happier in content with it.
Speaker 2: And you should write that down too, Like when you're
Speaker 2: feeling great and positive, you should write down that and
Speaker 2: the events around it that led you there, you know,
Speaker 2: the kind of day you're having. Because I do think
Speaker 2: you're on the right track. Everything you're saying, it sounds
Speaker 2: very intentional those.
Speaker 6: Comments from other people. Again, they're coming from all different places,
Speaker 6: from society, from norms whatever, Like you have to kind
Speaker 6: of you know, you don't have to be rude about it,
Speaker 6: but like that's just their stuff. Like you don't have
Speaker 6: to put that on you. If you're enjoying this time
Speaker 6: and you're exploring and you're writing these things down where
Speaker 6: you're enjoying your time alone, like not of that matters.
Speaker 6: That's just preconceived notions that they have that they're trying
Speaker 6: to put on you.
Speaker 2: They're not about you, or they just have nothing to say,
Speaker 2: so they say that because that's what people say. I've
Speaker 2: said it to people before, Like it's just a pointless comment.
Speaker 2: It's not helpful anyway. And also I always play this
Speaker 2: game with myself when I am dating someone casually, like
Speaker 2: to keep it casual. I always say to myself, like, okay,
Speaker 2: say we have plans on a Friday night. I'm like, okay,
Speaker 2: we have plans. I have plants with this fun guy
Speaker 2: on Friday night. That'll be fun. And then I always
Speaker 2: say to myself, if that doesn't work out for some reason,
Speaker 2: I still have a million other options or I'm going
Speaker 2: to do this or I'm I'm gonna be happy doing this.
Speaker 2: I always kind of keep myself in check that way
Speaker 2: when I'm starting out with some casual fling with somebody,
Speaker 2: so that I make sure I know, like, this is
Speaker 2: a fun thing.
Speaker 3: To have, but this is not the source of my happiness.
Speaker 2: It's good to remind yourself that you are going to
Speaker 2: have a good time, and whether you're with someone or
Speaker 2: whether you're without them, it's just going to be a
Speaker 2: different time if you're with them. But to remind yourself
Speaker 2: of your own source. You're the one who's bringing the
Speaker 2: vibes to your life, not necessarily someone else. They can
Speaker 2: always help, but no one is the source of another
Speaker 2: person's happiness.
Speaker 6: And what were you doing for yourself right now is
Speaker 6: going to actually read benefits if you the next time
Speaker 6: you are in a relationship, you know, getting to know yourself,
Speaker 6: spending time with yourself so that you know sort of
Speaker 6: what you want out of life and out of a
Speaker 6: relationship in the future. So teriship because you don't know
Speaker 6: how long it's going to last, and you know it's
Speaker 6: going to benefit you in the long run too.
Speaker 1: And someone I know you mentioned like of course Leane's
Speaker 1: going to like go through her life and be meeting people.
Speaker 1: Is there a way do you threethink to differentiate between like,
Speaker 1: oh I met someone and I actually am really into
Speaker 1: them versus like they just happen to be there, and
Speaker 1: so I'm falling into this.
Speaker 4: Sometimes when you're in a new relationship, you lose yourself.
Speaker 4: You kind of want to be what you think they
Speaker 4: need or what they want. I've done that in the past,
Speaker 4: and it's like you kind of just forget who you
Speaker 4: are a little bit, and then you kind of get
Speaker 4: off course. And you know, it's great just to stay grounded,
Speaker 4: remember who you are and take it slow and don't
Speaker 4: lose yourself. Remember what you like, what you want, what
Speaker 4: you are. If that person's really worth it, or you
Speaker 4: know it was the one you might end up with,
Speaker 4: they're going to love you the way that you are.
Speaker 4: You know, you don't need to change or or get
Speaker 4: ahead of yourself or make changes about yourself to fit them.
Speaker 4: You've got to be you know, secure and who you are.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and you sound like you are secure and who
Speaker 2: you are and you're only getting to know yourself better,
Speaker 2: which is just going to be like you're putting money
Speaker 2: in the bank of your happiness, so I don't think
Speaker 2: you're going to have any problems. And also listen, as
Speaker 2: we get older and more mature, we stop taking every
Speaker 2: little interaction so seriously with men, even when it is
Speaker 2: a fling, like we start to understand the difference and
Speaker 2: we don't get that attachment that happens sometimes when we're
Speaker 2: in our twenties and thirties.
Speaker 3: Once you hit your.
Speaker 2: Forties, you're like, oh no, no, no, Like that's a
Speaker 2: temporary gig.
Speaker 3: You're not a person in my life.
Speaker 2: Like you know, you just grow into it and you
Speaker 2: understand that certain people are just visitors and then other
Speaker 2: people are going to stay.
Speaker 6: And I would just add one little point as just
Speaker 6: setting being be really clear. You know, if you are
Speaker 6: dating someone, like, be really clear about your intention. Okay,
Speaker 6: I am not looking for something. If they're looking for
Speaker 6: long term relationship and you're not, then that's probably not
Speaker 6: a place to start dating.
Speaker 5: You have to be really clear about like this is
Speaker 5: where I am in my life.
Speaker 6: I have no interest in that, and just be clear
Speaker 6: about communicating that to them so that you're not you
Speaker 6: don't end up with the wrong person.
Speaker 4: And I guess along that way.
Speaker 7: Length is like, what is it good approach for when
Speaker 7: you're kind of entering into the dating world again, Like,
Speaker 7: how do you communicate that to someone Like I'm just
Speaker 7: like not looking for anything super serious at this point
Speaker 7: in time. When's a good tak to say that?
Speaker 6: Really early on? I think, I mean anything to jump
Speaker 6: in here, but I think really early.
Speaker 3: On, I don't know. That's kind of like a smoan.
Speaker 3: Think about it.
Speaker 2: When you're on your dating sites. Do you like hearing
Speaker 2: that right out of the gate? I mean, I guess
Speaker 2: maybe it would be helpful.
Speaker 6: Well, I mean all those those apps actually are set
Speaker 6: up that way, so they say like I want a
Speaker 6: short I want short term fun, I just want a
Speaker 6: one night stand, I want a long term relationship, I'm
Speaker 6: looking to get married. All those options are on there.
Speaker 2: Yes to all of that, But I also don't think
Speaker 2: that you need to say that right off the bat,
Speaker 2: because what if you end up dating a guy that
Speaker 2: you're like, well, wow, this is actually a really good match.
Speaker 3: This is a healthy relationship.
Speaker 2: We have like it's a great give and take, we
Speaker 2: compliment each other, and then you're like, oh, okay, maybe
Speaker 2: I can have a relationship. I don't think you have
Speaker 2: to be like black and white about things at the
Speaker 2: outset as you're dating them. And if you're like, oh,
Speaker 2: this guy needs to know like he's falling in love
Speaker 2: with me, he needs to know this is casual. Then yes,
Speaker 2: don't string somebody along that you're not interested in. Right,
Speaker 2: But I don't know that it has to be like
Speaker 2: the first thing you say, yea.
Speaker 3: And listen, you're smart, Lane, you don't even fucking need us.
Speaker 2: Okay, you're fine, you're beautiful, you're smart, you're intelligent. You're
Speaker 2: taking time to be alone. Every woman should be doing this.
Speaker 2: And good luck with everything because I know you're going
Speaker 2: to have a good life.
Speaker 7: Thank you, Okay, wonderful to me too. All have a
Speaker 7: great day.
Speaker 3: Okay you too?
Speaker 5: Yeah, take care bye.
Speaker 3: Shshana.
Speaker 2: You are making me nauseous. Are you in a place
Speaker 2: where you're getting a signal? You have been walking around
Speaker 2: this entire episode.
Speaker 4: Everywhere I go it says low bandwidth?
Speaker 3: But how can you have low bandwidth in your house? How?
Speaker 1: How?
Speaker 4: I guess it's time to call Verizon?
Speaker 2: Okay, anyway, okay, we have one last caller, guys, so
Speaker 2: just fucking focus.
Speaker 1: So I've got Hannah on the line here Hannah is
Speaker 1: having some baby daddy issues. She says, I'm a single
Speaker 1: parent living in a beach town in the South with
Speaker 1: my five year old daughter. I have a wonderful new
Speaker 1: partner coming up on a year and we are so happy.
Speaker 1: He's also a single dad. Baby daddy had a lot
Speaker 1: of issues, alcohol, drugs, pathological liar, the list goes on,
Speaker 1: and he split when my little one was two. He
Speaker 1: lives in New York now supposedly never paid a cent
Speaker 1: in child support, held in contempt by the courts. Took
Speaker 1: years to track him down so I could obtain full
Speaker 1: legal custody, and I had to trick him in signing
Speaker 1: the papers by telling him he could be a part
Speaker 1: of my daughter's life. He finally signed, and of course
Speaker 1: I'm desperate to close this chapter for good. Now he's
Speaker 1: angry and suddenly wants to be a part of her life.
Speaker 1: I'm so against this, as he's very inconsistent and unreliable,
Speaker 1: and who can know for sure if he's changed. I
Speaker 1: want to protect my daughter, of course, but I feel
Speaker 1: a little guilty. At the same time. I do not
Speaker 1: feel safe having him re enter her life. But am
Speaker 1: I being too harsh? How can I set boundaries with
Speaker 1: someone who has no concept of them.
Speaker 2: Hannah, Hi, Hannah, Hi, Hannah, Hi Hannah, Hi, Hi.
Speaker 3: These are my sisters.
Speaker 4: Hi. You said you signed some papers. What were the
Speaker 4: specifics on that? Because I didn't. It wasn't clear like
Speaker 4: what he signed.
Speaker 8: Away or so I would prefer of something was signed away.
Speaker 8: But the final point, like case clothes, that we got
Speaker 8: to was soul cost city parent. It was just like
Speaker 8: when we first started, so so long ago. I was like,
Speaker 8: let's go parent, let's try this. Like I'm a very positive,
Speaker 8: open minded person. I was like, yeah, let's do it.
Speaker 8: So the original agreement was shared custody, and I just
Speaker 8: finally got soul custody because I'm the only parent here.
Speaker 5: So he's on the other coast, he's far.
Speaker 8: Away, he's allegedly in New York.
Speaker 6: When he says he wants to be part of her life,
Speaker 6: what does he mean by that if he doesn't live
Speaker 6: anywhere nearby.
Speaker 8: I'm not sure, Like it's very unclear. So those messages,
Speaker 8: those begging kind of I've changed, I've changed, I've changed.
Speaker 8: How can you keep her from me? I want to
Speaker 8: be in her life? They come every like four to
Speaker 8: six weeks. Sometimes every few months, and for me, it's
Speaker 8: really challenging to engage every single time and go back
Speaker 8: into that loophole and go back into that cycle because
Speaker 8: I have a heart, I have feelings that I was
Speaker 8: super invested in this in like the boundary I've put
Speaker 8: up is I either ignore it, which doesn't feel great,
Speaker 8: But it's really hard to engage with him because there's
Speaker 8: no like linear result and he doesn't come back into
Speaker 8: her life. And I don't think it's fair for a
Speaker 8: young child to have that inconsistency and to have.
Speaker 9: I'm here, I'm here, I'm here, I'm ready, let's have
Speaker 9: a FaceTime.
Speaker 5: Let's have a phone call.
Speaker 8: I don't know who you are anymore, but I'm gonna
Speaker 8: try and then gone.
Speaker 5: When when was the last time that they saw each other?
Speaker 9: Like about two years ago?
Speaker 5: So does she have any memory of him at this point?
Speaker 4: Not really.
Speaker 8: I'm currently have a new partner and that's been a
Speaker 8: really positive influence and we're moving in together soon. And
Speaker 8: I've even gotten a lot of great feedback from her
Speaker 8: teacher saying how she draws pictures and talks about him
Speaker 8: and is very excited, you know, like he's like included
Speaker 8: in the narrative now and she's like reflected on that
Speaker 8: that has been a positive thing, whereas in the past,
Speaker 8: like she's like even mentioned her friends, like yeah, I
Speaker 8: don't I don't have a dad. You know, it's very
Speaker 8: clear from a young age, like the different families options
Speaker 8: that they are, and you know, we have family events
Speaker 8: and she doesn't have a person there.
Speaker 6: I feel like he is showing you who he is
Speaker 6: by only reaching out every six weeks. It sounds like
Speaker 6: either guilt or family members of his that are like saying, hey,
Speaker 6: what about your daughter and you should really push that
Speaker 6: or whatever wherever it's coming from. You have to, like,
Speaker 6: he has to show up in a much better way
Speaker 6: for you to even consider him having a part in
Speaker 6: her life like he has. I think you have to
Speaker 6: tell him, look, I can't deal with this on again
Speaker 6: off again stuff. If you want to be part of
Speaker 6: her life, you have to do ABC and D and
Speaker 6: those things would be like, you know, you have to
Speaker 6: show me that you're gonna support her. You're going to
Speaker 6: show me that you're going to show up on a
Speaker 6: regular basis.
Speaker 5: You have to do all these things that like demonstrate
Speaker 5: that he really means it.
Speaker 6: Otherwise you shouldn't have to deal with him at all
Speaker 6: because it's very unhealthy for her, and that's the most
Speaker 6: important thing.
Speaker 9: Thanks.
Speaker 2: And I also think it's about your health mental health too,
Speaker 2: like he's gonna put such a strain, he's already putting
Speaker 2: a strain on your mental health and he's not even around,
Speaker 2: and he hasn't been around, and you have a positive
Speaker 2: influence for her now, It's like, yeah, if he wants
Speaker 2: to show up and come and visit, that's one thing,
Speaker 2: But talking about it doesn't really get you anywhere.
Speaker 5: Yes, he has to put his money with his mouth.
Speaker 4: Is he talking about coming to live there?
Speaker 8: So that's another interesting aspect. The state where I live,
Speaker 8: he has like a I think it's called a bench
Speaker 8: of arrest warrant because if you don't pay child support,
Speaker 8: that's illegal, right, And so he after a certain amount
Speaker 8: of time, it gets written into the courts like he's
Speaker 8: paid zero dollars, So then there's like a warrant out
Speaker 8: for his arrest in this state if he comes back,
Speaker 8: because you can't leave the state and not pay Apparently
Speaker 8: you can't leave the state and not pay child support
Speaker 8: because it's a federal crime.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 2: I would just love to have the rules about what
Speaker 2: would happen if a fucking woman did that and then
Speaker 2: came back.
Speaker 3: Yeah. I mean it's just we would be arrested if
Speaker 3: we tried to fucking pullshit like that.
Speaker 8: So like part of me feels like I could go
Speaker 8: down the petty road and the mean road and put
Speaker 8: all my energy into being negative and getting him in
Speaker 8: trouble and getting back.
Speaker 9: At him and did it.
Speaker 3: No, no, no, no, that's no good.
Speaker 9: I want to like be free of it.
Speaker 4: You know.
Speaker 1: I don't think you have an obligation to even accept
Speaker 1: calls and texts from him. I think it's time to block.
Speaker 1: If he has a meaningful change of heart or change
Speaker 1: of like being and can pay his child support, come
Speaker 1: back into the state actually, like send you paperwork. I
Speaker 1: want to see my child again. Then that's a different issue.
Speaker 1: But I don't think you need to be subject to
Speaker 1: getting these texts in your inbox.
Speaker 2: I wouldn't say block him because that is her daughter's father, Like,
Speaker 2: what if something happens and they need to know, and
Speaker 2: you can handle that situation, but getting a text every
Speaker 2: four to six weeks, you don't have to respond to that.
Speaker 2: You could just let it go because I have. Clearly
Speaker 2: he's not that determined, otherwise he would be texting you
Speaker 2: more frequently. But I think you've got the right idea.
Speaker 2: Just I think just try not to like limit your
Speaker 2: engagement with him. You don't have to respond to him.
Speaker 2: He has a bench warrant in the state you're living
Speaker 2: in for not paying child support. That's all he needs
Speaker 2: to know. And if he wants to change, I mean,
Speaker 2: that's it. That's all the information that he needs.
Speaker 4: He's not paying support. There's no reason for you to
Speaker 4: have them interact in any way. I mean, he's not
Speaker 4: even like doing the minimum of what is expected of him,
Speaker 4: so he has to show you that he's going to
Speaker 4: totally turn things around. I mean, he's not paying support,
Speaker 4: he's no right to see his daughter.
Speaker 3: That's true.
Speaker 1: Yeah, So maybe it's as simple as that, like, sure,
Speaker 1: once you can pay child support, you can be in
Speaker 1: her life. And if that winds up happening, then that's
Speaker 1: a different conversation.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 8: I would. I would say, like, Okay, you need to
Speaker 8: do a B and C, make it very clear for
Speaker 8: six months, and then after six months we can talk
Speaker 8: about blah blah blah.
Speaker 2: But we'll see, right, Yeah, focus on your good life
Speaker 2: that you've got going with your new man.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and your kid.
Speaker 1: I don't think you owe him anything.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't think so either. Yeah.
Speaker 9: Okay, that was the truth that I wanted.
Speaker 3: Perfect.
Speaker 2: Thanks Hannah, Bye, Hannah, thank you.
Speaker 1: All Right, Well we'll take a little quick break and
Speaker 1: we'll be right back with Madison and we'll wrap up.
Speaker 3: And we're back.
Speaker 1: Well, Madison writes in and she says, Dear Chelsea, my
Speaker 1: sister is three year years older than me, and we're
Speaker 1: super close. She's the person that knows me better than
Speaker 1: I know myself and that I'm most connected to in
Speaker 1: this world. However, I would label her as a quote
Speaker 1: highly sensitive person. Ever since we were little, she's always
Speaker 1: had a very big, strong, and times explosive emotions. This
Speaker 1: presents as nearly constant outward irritability to where most people
Speaker 1: in my life thinks she's a bitch, coupled with a
Speaker 1: fairly depressive outlook on herself and her life. I have
Speaker 1: learned to let things go and attribute a lot of
Speaker 1: her negative energy to her difficulty with dealing with her
Speaker 1: own emotions. However, I've also worked a lot to understand
Speaker 1: myself more, be more assertive with my wants and needs
Speaker 1: and set boundaries with others. My question is this, how
Speaker 1: can I start to be honest with my sister and
Speaker 1: about how her irritability and mood impact me when I'm
Speaker 1: so worried about hurting her feelings or sending her into
Speaker 1: a highly sensitive feelings spiral.
Speaker 3: Madison, Hi, Madison, I'm Madison.
Speaker 4: Guys.
Speaker 3: Hi, these are my sisters. There are special guests today.
Speaker 4: Oh what perfect guess for.
Speaker 2: I Ah, perfect guess for your situation? Well, I would say, Simon,
Speaker 2: do you want to start? I mean I would be
Speaker 2: the most irritable. I'm not the most sensitive, but I'm
Speaker 2: the most irritated.
Speaker 6: And I mean it is a tough situation because this
Speaker 6: is your sister. You said you're close, right.
Speaker 5: Yeah, And I can relate to that.
Speaker 6: I'm a little overly sensitive too, so to criticism, but
Speaker 6: I don't like spiral out of control.
Speaker 2: Usually you're not sensitive to criticism about your children. You're
Speaker 2: not sensitive to criticism about yourself. I mean, who's criticizing
Speaker 2: you for what? When do you get criticism?
Speaker 5: It's happened once or twice.
Speaker 6: Anyway, it's a sensitive area because I think you know
Speaker 6: you care about her, right. I mean, you're very close,
Speaker 6: you care about her, but I think at some point
Speaker 6: you kind of have to. It sounds like she needs
Speaker 6: to talk to someone else, like she needs some assistance
Speaker 6: in accessing her own emotions and understanding why she's so
Speaker 6: sensitive and why she spirals out of control like this,
Speaker 6: like this, this is.
Speaker 5: Bigger than you.
Speaker 6: I think she really actually would benefit from seeing a therapist.
Speaker 6: And I'm raising that is probably sensitive too, But if
Speaker 6: you're really thinking about her well being, I think you
Speaker 6: know you can broach it in more gentle ways and
Speaker 6: saying like, oh, you know, I don't know, something comes
Speaker 6: up and you Sometimes it's by analogy, Oh my friend
Speaker 6: is seeing a therapist and this is how it's working,
Speaker 6: or my friend has this issue. Sometimes, like you have
Speaker 6: to go about it a little sideways as opposed to directly,
Speaker 6: because it sounds like she is super sensitive when you
Speaker 6: if you are talking about her. But I really think
Speaker 6: the two of you can't manage this alone, like she
Speaker 6: needs some assistance.
Speaker 4: It might be fun to go together to therapy a
Speaker 4: few times, like with her and join her and you
Speaker 4: can bring up things and with that third party sometimes
Speaker 4: you know, that makes it easier because they can kind
Speaker 4: of navigate what you both are trying to say, and
Speaker 4: you know, help break it up where it's just not
Speaker 4: the two of you alone, but somebody to kind of
Speaker 4: help you navigate through what the other person is seeing
Speaker 4: and saying.
Speaker 3: Is that something that you could do? Do you think
Speaker 3: there's a possibility to go to therapy? Would you be
Speaker 3: open to that like together?
Speaker 9: I don't know if she'd be open to it together.
Speaker 10: I did try that once with her and my mom actually,
Speaker 10: because they have a kind of contentious relationship and I
Speaker 10: am like the peacemaker.
Speaker 9: I'm the middle man that can like interpret for both of.
Speaker 10: Them, and so I kind of was like, I'm over
Speaker 10: your guys as shit, and I'm not going to be
Speaker 10: around you unless we like go to therapy together because
Speaker 10: I can't do this. But that only went for one session,
Speaker 10: and my sister got really defensive, kind of like the
Speaker 10: therapist just talking to her about maybe some possible depression
Speaker 10: and that can explain some of the irritability and the sensitivity,
Speaker 10: and she just felt like the dynamic was getting pinned
Speaker 10: on her since we were both there. So I think
Speaker 10: maybe Astilla like suggesting a solo adventure for her might
Speaker 10: do better than me going with her.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's good, that's good.
Speaker 2: And then I think then what you have to do
Speaker 2: is have a sit down and like a face to face,
Speaker 2: hard to heart with her and just be like, listen,
Speaker 2: I feel like I'm walking on eggshells a lot because
Speaker 2: I'm worried about how you're going to receive information. And
Speaker 2: I don't think you want me to feel that way,
Speaker 2: and I don't want to feel that way about you,
Speaker 2: Like you're the person I love the most. Like everything
Speaker 2: you said about her was very moving and touching. But
Speaker 2: you know, as a sister, I mean, if you're not
Speaker 2: going to tell her who the fuck is?
Speaker 5: Yeah?
Speaker 6: Yeah, And then like Chelsea has an always on her podcast,
Speaker 6: you know you have to come from a place of
Speaker 6: love and tell her this is because you care about her,
Speaker 6: this is because you love her, this is because she's
Speaker 6: a big part of your life, and that you want
Speaker 6: to see her happy and you want to see her
Speaker 6: evolve over time.
Speaker 5: And what you're.
Speaker 6: Seeing, she doesn't appear to be happy and content and
Speaker 6: be able to deal with some of these issues.
Speaker 5: And so if you're coming from that place, that's really valuable.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and she's in a highly irritable state that's not
Speaker 2: pleasant for her, so she really has to take a
Speaker 2: look at that.
Speaker 3: I've been there.
Speaker 2: I understand that you're not a happy person. When you're
Speaker 2: that highly irritated and everyone annoys you so much, there's
Speaker 2: something going on with you. It's a deeper issue and
Speaker 2: it doesn't have to be that Like people who are
Speaker 2: depressed or upset, they don't realize there's another way to live,
Speaker 2: Like you can actually choose to do the work and
Speaker 2: get to the other side and be a happier, more positive,
Speaker 2: optimistic person. But you know it's going to take time
Speaker 2: and you and you just have to commit to being
Speaker 2: there for her during it.
Speaker 10: How do you guys think you would phrase? Because I
Speaker 10: feel like I'm good at the taking care of her
Speaker 10: feelings part, but like so my boyfriend would be like,
Speaker 10: oh my gosh, like this is so crazy. You're like
Speaker 10: getting into her dynamic. You need to have like a
Speaker 10: life intervention with her and just tell her like no,
Speaker 10: like you need to go somewhere and get help, and
Speaker 10: like this is not sustainable. But I don't know how
Speaker 10: to like word the direct part to be like you
Speaker 10: need to. I mean, maybe it's just that plane you
Speaker 10: need to go get help or I don't know.
Speaker 2: I think you would say, listen, I love you more
Speaker 2: than anything, and I really feel like you could benefit
Speaker 2: from talking to someone as your sister. I know you
Speaker 2: better than anyone, and I know that you're not as
Speaker 2: happy as you can be, Like it's possible to be
Speaker 2: happier and through the like counseling. I can listen to
Speaker 2: you all you want, but I'm not like a professional,
Speaker 2: Like you need someone who can help you deal with
Speaker 2: all of these feelings.
Speaker 3: That you have.
Speaker 2: And then you can use some examples of like what
Speaker 2: you've seen about her that it isn't happy, that it
Speaker 2: is irritability, that it isn't you know that she is
Speaker 2: in a constant kind of state of agitation.
Speaker 6: Yeah, And I think it's important to say that you're
Speaker 6: always there for her. You're listening for her, but your
Speaker 6: skills only go so far. Like you can't solve her problems.
Speaker 6: You can be there for support and love and all that,
Speaker 6: but like it's not what she needs. She needs much
Speaker 6: more than that. She needs someone independent to to really
Speaker 6: help her work through these things. And so you're not
Speaker 6: taking away your support, you're not pulling away your lover support,
Speaker 6: but you're just saying like I've I've got my own limits,
Speaker 6: like I can only do so much for you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and the defensiveness is just the example of why
Speaker 2: she needs to go to therapy. When you are that
Speaker 2: defensive about anything, Like when you can I can't hear
Speaker 2: any critique about yourself and think, oh, maybe that's something
Speaker 2: I could improve on, that's the definition of needing to
Speaker 2: go to therapy.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, in addition to all of this putting the onus
Speaker 1: like not you need to go to therapy because you're
Speaker 1: a bitch, but it is like the onus can be
Speaker 1: slightly outside of her, like it'll help you reduce this
Speaker 1: tension so that you can be happy. It'll help reduce
Speaker 1: your stress so you're not flying off the handle all
Speaker 1: the time. So you can kind of put the onus
Speaker 1: next door, and so it's not like you're just terrible
Speaker 1: to be around. It's like, no, you have these other stressors,
Speaker 1: you have these other things, like it can help you
Speaker 1: dissipate that stuff.
Speaker 10: So, yeah, that is a really good way to look
Speaker 10: at it, because, yeah, her life would only grow because
Speaker 10: the connection other people, Like I'm so used to her
Speaker 10: attitude and like what she's sensitive about so I can
Speaker 10: kind of not step on those landlines, or I can
Speaker 10: like very intuitively kind of feel her energy and know
Speaker 10: like how much is too much?
Speaker 5: You want to back off?
Speaker 10: But I think it does really get in the way
Speaker 10: of her and also being a bigger part of my
Speaker 10: life because other people in my life.
Speaker 9: Are having such a hard time with it.
Speaker 5: Yeah, oh, really impacting your friendships and.
Speaker 10: Like it doesn't impact their relationship with me, but like
Speaker 10: my partner, for example, he has a really hard time
Speaker 10: being in the.
Speaker 9: Same space as both of us because he's like.
Speaker 10: You don't want to like say anything, but he wants
Speaker 10: to like call her out every single time there's like
Speaker 10: something set under her.
Speaker 9: Breath or like an eye roller.
Speaker 2: Definitely, don't bring him into the conversation. Yeah, don't mention him,
Speaker 2: don't say anything about that, because that will only create
Speaker 2: more tension between the two of them.
Speaker 10: I agree, Yeah, but framing it is something yeah a
Speaker 10: little next year.
Speaker 2: So yeah, her circumstance is everything she's dealing with. It's like,
Speaker 2: it's not your fault. This is a lot to deal
Speaker 2: with whatever on her plate. We can help you with this,
Speaker 2: and I think you do need help with this. Kind
Speaker 2: of just like spoon feeding that idea to her a
Speaker 2: little bit more. But have confidence in your relationship with
Speaker 2: your sister, Like, you're not going to break up with
Speaker 2: your sister, So have confidence that you you have the
Speaker 2: ability to help her and that even if she's upset
Speaker 2: in the beginning, she's coming back, you know what I mean.
Speaker 10: Yeah, I think that is the hard thing to trust. Yeah,
Speaker 10: if you're avoidant conflicts like it just stresses me out.
Speaker 9: But you're right, there is.
Speaker 10: Not a world in which we're going to be separated
Speaker 10: for a long period of time, so really leaning into
Speaker 10: that feels.
Speaker 2: Right, and being avoidant doesn't solve anyone's problems. Ever, no
Speaker 2: one has ever solved a problem by avoiding it, so
Speaker 2: it's not a good strategy.
Speaker 9: Right. Well, thank you guys so much.
Speaker 2: You're welcome. You're welcome, cutie. Good luck with everything. I'm
Speaker 2: sure everything will work out fine. It might be a
Speaker 2: little bumpy, but it will work out.
Speaker 9: Thank you guys. Have a good one.
Speaker 3: Bye bye.
Speaker 2: You have to look at that as a long term plan, right,
Speaker 2: not a short term solution.
Speaker 1: She's got to be able to be around her sister's
Speaker 1: partner in that.
Speaker 3: It's so tension.
Speaker 2: But it's so it's so unfair when you're with someone
Speaker 2: and then they don't get along with your sister, Like,
Speaker 2: that's so unfair for everyone.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 5: I mean, she's a good sister.
Speaker 6: She's being loyal and she's doing the right thing. But
Speaker 6: you can't let people go on like that in life
Speaker 6: because it's just you're not doing them any favors.
Speaker 5: Everybody's walking on eggshells. That's awful.
Speaker 2: Okay, bitches, Well, thanks for all of your advice today.
Speaker 2: Our episode has wrapped up.
Speaker 3: Shoshana. I am physically nauseous from all the movement.
Speaker 2: From watching me out walk through your house fifteen times
Speaker 2: with a computer in the head.
Speaker 4: I am on the move to try to stay connected.
Speaker 4: I apologize.
Speaker 2: Okay, Well, we might want to get you a booster
Speaker 2: for your house, so we'll.
Speaker 3: Get on that right away. Love you girls, miss you, see.
Speaker 5: You, love you.
Speaker 3: Bye bye, peace out, bye bye. Okay.
Speaker 2: So upcoming shows that I have you guys, I'm coming
Speaker 2: to Niagara Falls on July twenty seventh. I'm coming to Hollywood,
Speaker 2: Florida for my only show in Florida on July twenty eighth.
Speaker 2: I'll be in Auburn, Washington, on August first, and then
Speaker 2: Santa Rosa, California for my second show August second. August
Speaker 2: seventeenth is the Santa Barbara Bull. You do not want
Speaker 2: to miss that. And then I will be all over Maine, Charlotte,
Speaker 2: North Carolina, Charleston, South Carolina.
Speaker 3: I'm coming to Texas. I'm coming to Saint Louis in Kansas.
Speaker 2: City, and then I will be in Las Vegas performing
Speaker 2: at the Chelsea Theater inside the Cosmopolitan Hotel. My first
Speaker 2: three dates in Vegas are September first, Labor Day weekend,
Speaker 2: and then November two and November thirtieth. I'm coming to Brooklyn,
Speaker 2: New York, at the King's Theater on November eighth, and
Speaker 2: I have tickets on sale throughout the end of the
Speaker 2: year in December, so if you're in a city like
Speaker 2: Philadelphia or Bethlehem or San Diego or New Orleans or Omaha,
Speaker 2: check Chelsea handler dot com for tickets.
Speaker 1: Okay, if you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an
Speaker 1: email at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and
Speaker 1: be sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is
Speaker 1: edited and engineered by Brad Dickert Executive producer Catherine Law,
Speaker 1: and be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler
Speaker 1: dot com