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Speaker 1: Hello, Catherine, Hi Chelsea, how are you?

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Speaker 2: I am coming to you live from Los Angeles, Los Angeles.

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Speaker 1: I can't believe it, you're actually here in your house.

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Speaker 3: I know I'm not from Los Angeles.

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Speaker 4: I'm so.

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Speaker 2: I did Nueva yure Si, but I'm Pedro Estoi and

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Speaker 2: Los Angeles.

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Speaker 3: I am.

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Speaker 2: I have a new assistant who only speaks Spanish to me,

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Speaker 2: and I'm hoping that he will cut it out because

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Speaker 2: we are not communicating well. I'm like, I only want

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Speaker 2: you to speak Spanish and now then like three sentences in,

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Speaker 2: I'm like, okay, a little bit of.

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Speaker 1: English, you know what, starting with Panglish is fine.

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Speaker 3: But I'm home. I'm a home in Los Angeles. I

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Speaker 3: haven't been here in forever.

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Speaker 2: My house is still not done, but I'm living in it,

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Speaker 2: and Doug is here. And Doug loves me, and that

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Speaker 2: is really the most important part of this story.

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Speaker 1: Are you two having a love reconnection.

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Speaker 2: He's so sweet, he loves me, He gets into bed,

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Speaker 2: we play together, he follows me everywhere.

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Speaker 3: I mean, this is exactly what I was hoping for.

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Speaker 2: And my bell, he does not give a shit about

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Speaker 2: my bell, and that is exactly what I was looking.

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Speaker 1: For he's bonded with you.

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Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah, we have a really ridiculous episode today.

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Speaker 2: And I want to preface this episode by telling our

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Speaker 2: listeners that I had my sisters back on the podcast

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Speaker 2: because everybody really seemed to enjoy it last time, and

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Speaker 2: everyone really enjoyed my niece episode, so.

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Speaker 3: I mistakenly booked them again.

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Speaker 2: And one of them is a hot fucking mess during

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Speaker 2: this entire podcast, and I can't wait for you guys

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Speaker 2: to figure out which person that is and understand why.

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Speaker 2: The other sister, who was also on this podcast episode,

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Speaker 2: has since told me they are no longer available to

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Speaker 2: do podcast.

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Speaker 4: When she said that is it.

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Speaker 3: We're done with your podcast and you were done with us.

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Speaker 1: I'm so sad. We love them, we love them on

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Speaker 1: the podcast.

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Speaker 2: I cannot believe this episode. I hope you guys enjoy it,

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Speaker 2: and please let us know your thoughts. Please welcome Shoshana

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Speaker 2: and Simone Handler.

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Speaker 4: Hello, what are we talking about?

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Speaker 3: You guys?

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Speaker 2: We're talking You guys are doing the same fucking thing

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Speaker 2: we did last time. We're giving counseling with Catherine. We're

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Speaker 2: taking live callers.

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Speaker 4: Before that, before the call, we're gonna well, I don't know.

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Speaker 3: What did you take today?

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Speaker 2: Anything special for your performance this afternoon? Are you on

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Speaker 2: anything that we need to know about, Shshana.

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Speaker 3: No, I'm not anything. That's a lie. I think you

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Speaker 3: took something.

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Speaker 4: No, I didn't.

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Speaker 2: What would you prescribe doctor Handler a beta blocker? I

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Speaker 2: would prescribe her a beta blocker. Actually, I've prescribed Simone

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Speaker 2: a beta blocker before and with what success. Actually, for

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Speaker 2: anyone who's listening, these are my two sisters, Simone and yes, Shashaana,

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Speaker 2: I know that you're on something. I can tell by

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Speaker 2: the smile on your face that you took something, and

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Speaker 2: that's okay. You're allowed to take something if it calms

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Speaker 2: your nerves to talk to people.

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Speaker 4: Okay, let's go, do you.

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Speaker 3: Anyway?

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Speaker 2: These are my sisters, Simone and Shoshana, and they are

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Speaker 2: back by popular demand.

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Speaker 3: For ciss Cissy Advice.

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Speaker 1: Truly popular, like your episode is one of our most

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Speaker 1: listened to last year.

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Speaker 2: Don't tell them they're gonna want to get into my

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Speaker 2: cash flow if they know that, so don't give them

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Speaker 2: too much background.

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Speaker 5: Okay, please, Catherine, keep it to yourself.

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Speaker 3: Girls, you know what we can talk about.

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Speaker 2: Actually, to open up our episode today, we're going to

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Speaker 2: talk about the fact that this was funny.

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Speaker 3: I have a friend, Sophie.

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Speaker 2: She came to visit us on vacation and she she

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Speaker 2: was telling us about an recent experience she had at

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Speaker 2: work getting an anonymous three sixty review. So the people

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Speaker 2: that report to you or her in her case, reviewed

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Speaker 2: her performance as a CEO and gave her feedback about herself.

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Speaker 2: But I don't know why it's called an anonymous three

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Speaker 2: sixty because it's not that.

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Speaker 3: It's pretty obvious telling, you know.

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Speaker 2: So anyway, she pitched the idea at our life summer

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Speaker 2: vacation on the Vineyard when we were all together that

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Speaker 2: we should do a performance anonymous three sixty review our

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Speaker 2: family members our family members to see who fucking has

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Speaker 2: earned the right to be on the trip and who hasn't,

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Speaker 2: you know, like who's contributing? What does this person bring

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Speaker 2: to the table. Does this person make drinks for everyone?

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Speaker 2: Does this person cook?

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Speaker 3: You know what?

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Speaker 5: And everybody's on board.

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Speaker 2: Everybody got it very very nervous, and especially Shshana and

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Speaker 2: Simone were like, we're not doing that. And I was like,

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Speaker 2: I think it's a great idea, and Sewn is like, well,

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Speaker 2: who's gonna review you.

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Speaker 3: I'm like, I have no secrets review me. I already

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Speaker 3: know what you all think of me.

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Speaker 4: And the only ones that really need to be nervous

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Speaker 4: are the in laws.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, that's right, and they know why.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, but I mean, you know you can't you come

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Speaker 6: to the family. You know, your personality should have been

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Speaker 6: checked before the marriage, not now twenty years later.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, if they're gonna get booted.

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Speaker 2: No, because of the exposure, the repetitive exposure that I'm

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Speaker 2: subjected to, has made me rethink my strategy.

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Speaker 3: Gee, I didn't know twenty years ago.

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Speaker 2: That I wasn't gonna want a vacation with everybody all

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Speaker 2: the time. Now I know because I've done it so

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Speaker 2: many times that I have Like I it would be

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Speaker 2: called a non anonymous three sixty. Actually we renamed it

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Speaker 2: a non monogamous three sixty, which I'm not sure what

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Speaker 2: that has anything to do with, but that's where we

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Speaker 2: went with it. So anyway, just thoughts that are spinning around.

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Speaker 2: That's the kind of vacations we have. I threaten my

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Speaker 2: family when we go away that this may be the

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Speaker 2: last trip ever.

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Speaker 3: And that's pretty much the pattern.

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Speaker 4: But let's face it, it's the in laws that are going

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Speaker 4: to be at the top of the list.

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Speaker 2: Okay, all right, well I guess you're trying to build

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Speaker 2: immunity for yourself.

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Speaker 5: But yeah, this is like survivor, it is.

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Speaker 2: But what I decided to do so another way for

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Speaker 2: me to avoid my in laws is I don't even

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Speaker 2: know why I have in laws.

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Speaker 3: I didn't get married, you know, why do I have

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Speaker 3: to deal with this?

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Speaker 2: So I decided to take all my nieces and nephews

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Speaker 2: to my Orca and I was like, this is a

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Speaker 2: good work around to avoid the other adult set, you know,

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Speaker 2: are kind of But now I have two interlopers, my

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Speaker 2: brother Glenn and Roy have invaded the trip. So we're

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Speaker 2: doing an all boys trip.

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Speaker 3: Apparently. I put them in.

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Speaker 2: A hotel together, in a hotel room with two beds

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Speaker 2: for two sixty year old men, and I think that

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Speaker 2: is going to be fucking out of this world an adventure.

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Speaker 4: And they're the two most opposite people you can put together, basically, like,

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Speaker 4: you know, one's neat and one's a big slum.

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Speaker 2: Well, Roy travels with a garbage bag as his suitcase.

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Speaker 4: Well no, no, he goes shopping wherever he ends up

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Speaker 4: and just buys some clothes there he travels.

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Speaker 2: Light shopping is in quotes because I wouldn't call what

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Speaker 2: he's doing shopping. It's like he picks up the basic necessities.

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Speaker 2: So he'll get boxer shorts and maybe a couple T

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Speaker 2: shirts and some gross, you know, sweatpant outfit thing.

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Speaker 6: And something is he buys the T shirt from the

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Speaker 6: place he's visiting, so all week long he's wearing the

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Speaker 6: T shirt from the place the tourist buy. So it's

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Speaker 6: like Martha's Vineyard all week or Edgartown and that's where

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Speaker 6: he is. It doesn't make any sense.

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Speaker 3: Roy is very much like our father.

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Speaker 2: Our father was a slob, but not when he was younger,

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Speaker 2: only when he was older.

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Speaker 4: Yes, he got older, everything went down.

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Speaker 2: It went downhill, right Like when I grew up. He

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Speaker 2: would show up to my softball games. It was the

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Speaker 2: sweaters covered in dog hair and just you know, embarrassing.

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Speaker 2: It's like, yeah, slip on sneakers, what are those things

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Speaker 2: that he wore?

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Speaker 5: Those where you little duck shoes, little l Yeah, but he.

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Speaker 2: Never put his foot fully in, so there's always half

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Speaker 2: of his foot hanging.

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Speaker 3: It was just so gross.

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Speaker 2: Anyway, Roy has picked up some Seanna you have picked

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Speaker 2: up some of the Dad's habits too.

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Speaker 4: By the way, Oh really, would you care to expand?

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Speaker 4: I'm not sure I want to hear this.

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Speaker 5: You're gonna have to give examples.

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Speaker 3: I don't know. I mean, Simone, I don't know. You're

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Speaker 3: not a slob.

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Speaker 5: I can give you one example that your driving skills

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Speaker 5: are very much like Dad. Like you. Stops are just

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Speaker 5: like a suggestion.

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Speaker 6: To you, but behind places like you're like weaving in

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Speaker 6: and out of traffic.

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Speaker 3: Vashume he's a lunatic driver. I'm also not.

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Speaker 2: I'm also a driver that's better on my own than

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Speaker 2: having any passengers because I don't want to hear about

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Speaker 2: it what I'm up to on the road.

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Speaker 4: Listen, in New Jersey, it's every man for himself. You

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Speaker 4: have to just survive, so you gotta do what you

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Speaker 4: gotta do. It's genetic, though, is it. Yeah? I mean

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Speaker 4: I learned to drive from him. We had to follow

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Speaker 4: him to pick up used cars. And in order to

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Speaker 4: follow him, you had to go through every red yellow

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Speaker 4: light that existed just to stay with him because there

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Speaker 4: was no you know, cell phone with directions like if

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Speaker 4: you lost him, you were on your own and you

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Speaker 4: would find a pay phone.

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Speaker 2: He would be like, Hey, I need you to come

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Speaker 2: with me to pick up a car, and you're like fuck.

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Speaker 2: And then you had to go follow him to Verona

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Speaker 2: or West Orange or something. And he never would stop

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Speaker 2: at stop signs. Yellow lights meant go, red lights meant

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Speaker 2: go slow through them while you look both ways.

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Speaker 3: It was.

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Speaker 2: And then if you didn't keep up with him, he'd

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Speaker 2: scream at you and be like, why weren't you following me?

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Speaker 3: It's like, because I'm he's not a fucking lunatic.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, that's why I drive that way.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: I have some special driving skills too. They're not they're

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Speaker 2: not great. I mean I I think they're great, but

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Speaker 2: most people don't. Most people don't drive it with me

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Speaker 2: because they they'll get sick. But Shashana when Charlie was

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Speaker 2: a little girl, remember she she got cars sick the

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Speaker 2: whole time. When you would take her to school every morning,

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Speaker 2: they thought she was she had motion sickness, which she does,

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Speaker 2: but it was because Shawna gave it to her drivers,

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Speaker 2: which she was.

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Speaker 3: Shana.

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Speaker 2: She would just and then in Africa this summer she

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Speaker 2: threw up on the plane.

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Speaker 5: No, she's had motion sickness. Every trip we've ever been on.

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Speaker 4: She really had motion sickness and it was more like

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Speaker 4: for long drive.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, but she got the motion sickness from your driving.

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Speaker 4: Well, you're entitled to your opinion, Simon.

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Speaker 3: What do you have to say for yourself?

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Speaker 5: Not much. I'm at work, girl, So this is you know,

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Speaker 5: this is a little low.

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Speaker 2: Well it's not that down low, Simon, because we have

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Speaker 2: a lot of people that listen to this podcast, so

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Speaker 2: they're gonna.

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Speaker 3: Find out, Oh, I'm at work.

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Speaker 2: Okay, So you're at work giving it life advice to people.

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Speaker 4: This is your lunch hour. It's fine.

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Speaker 5: Okay.

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Speaker 4: So you want to talk about menopause.

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Speaker 2: Sure, let's talk about that, because actually this is a subject.

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Speaker 4: Where are you with your menopause journey?

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Speaker 2: I don't know because I got an ablazion after Simone

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Speaker 2: got one and she told me about it, and then

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Speaker 2: I went and got one immediately, and I don't know

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Speaker 2: if I where I am because I don't get a

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Speaker 2: people the way, have.

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Speaker 5: You told your listeners about that procedure, because that.

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Speaker 6: Procedure is not very like well known and doctors don't

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Speaker 6: talk about it.

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Speaker 2: An ablazion we've talked about it, Yeah, we have we have. Yeah, yeah, no,

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Speaker 2: it's it's amazing. It's the best thing I've ever done.

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Speaker 2: I mean not ever, but it's one of the best

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Speaker 2: things I've ever done. It's amazing once you stop getting

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Speaker 2: your period, that you just forget about periods altogether. Like

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Speaker 2: it should be like more of a season of gratefulness

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Speaker 2: to celebrate no more periods before you just ease into

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Speaker 2: the rest of your life.

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Speaker 3: Because if someone.

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Speaker 2: I mean I would have gotten rid of it when

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Speaker 2: I was sixteen, if I had known about this Ablasian thing.

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Speaker 4: But for most people, they have to go through everything else.

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Speaker 4: I mean, most people are not getting an Ablasian to

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Speaker 4: start menopause.

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Speaker 5: But they should.

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Speaker 6: Like that's my point, Like if people like goo, they suffer,

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Speaker 6: they have heavy periods, they have accidents then, and the

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Speaker 6: doctor never brings up that this is an option. That's

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Speaker 6: my point is that it's like such a great option

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Speaker 6: if you're done having kids.

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Speaker 1: And you had a good experience with that, Oh my.

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Speaker 6: God, it took like fifteen minutes and then my life

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Speaker 6: was like back on track.

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Speaker 1: That's amazing.

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Speaker 6: It was literally anemic for like two years before that,

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Speaker 6: and it just solved that problem overnight.

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Speaker 3: SHAWNA. Do you still get your period?

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Speaker 4: No, So a lot of people don't know this. The

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Speaker 4: definition of menopause is the day. It's one day, twelve

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Speaker 4: months after you've stopped getting periods. It's literally one day.

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Speaker 3: So good to know.

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Speaker 4: You're either premenopausal, which happens like for years before you

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Speaker 4: actually go through menopause, or your postmenopausal, or you have

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Speaker 4: menopause for one day. So there's pretty much before or after.

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Speaker 4: So yes, I have I probably a year and a half,

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Speaker 4: so I am postmenopausal, but I'm suffering from hot flashes,

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Speaker 4: night sweats, mood swings, poor sleep, weight gain.

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Speaker 2: You wouldn't say that's menopause. You would say that's postmenopausal

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Speaker 2: because those are all menopausal symptoms.

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Speaker 4: Now, all these symptoms can happen before, during, and after.

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Speaker 2: Yes, okay, So so menopause is the day you said,

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Speaker 2: twelve months after you've had your last period. Yes, and

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Speaker 2: it's just that one day, Yeah, like Halloween.

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Speaker 4: Exactly one day. I've never heard that before.

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Speaker 6: I always thought it was a period of time that

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Speaker 6: you're having symptoms.

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Speaker 5: It's not the whole period of time.

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Speaker 4: No, people just confuse the term and it's just become like,

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Speaker 4: you know, vernacular. But really it's not, you know, it's

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Speaker 4: just the literally that one day that you're one year

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Speaker 4: without any period.

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Speaker 3: So okay, well that's that's good information to know.

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Speaker 4: You know, but that all these symptoms can last from

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Speaker 4: you know, a year to ten years even.

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Speaker 5: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't know if I have symptoms.

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Speaker 2: I mean I sometimes wake up sweaty and that that's something,

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Speaker 2: But I don't know about other symptoms.

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Speaker 3: I don't know what are the other symptoms, memory.

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Speaker 4: Memory loss or memory problems, trouble, sleeping, hot splashes, night sweats,

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Speaker 4: vaginal dryness.

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Speaker 2: Thank you, that sounds hot. Thank you for bringing that up.

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Speaker 2: So it's like, what time is it is? It's not

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Speaker 2: even noon. I want to talk about vaginal dryness. What

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Speaker 2: are people supposed to do about vaginal dryness?

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Speaker 3: Lube? Is that what you're supposed to do?

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Speaker 2: And are you supposed to lubricate your vagina when you're

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Speaker 2: having sex only or are you supposed to lubricate it

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Speaker 2: all the time?

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Speaker 3: How does that work?

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Speaker 5: That seems like a subject for another project.

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Speaker 2: No, guys, this is a health podcast shown us A

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Speaker 2: registered nurse, Simone works in the healthcare industry and I'm

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Speaker 2: a doctor.

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Speaker 3: So between the three of us we can figure out.

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Speaker 4: So you can't explore hormones, hormone replacement or bioidentical hormones.

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Speaker 4: And yes, you can supplement with loub.

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Speaker 3: Supplement with lube.

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Speaker 2: You're not supposed to lubricate your cayslopis every day, right.

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Speaker 5: I don't think we know the answer to that questioned Again.

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Speaker 2: I think the answer is no, no, no, pun intended

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Speaker 2: or pun intended.

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Speaker 1: I do have a question about have you both been

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Speaker 1: through menopause or like postmenopausal?

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Speaker 5: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, So aside from the physical manifestations of it, are

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Speaker 1: there any sort of like emotional positive emotional feelings that

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Speaker 1: you've gotten, Like, yeah, great. You know, some cultures believe

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Speaker 1: that postmenopausal women are like basically your like goddesses because

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Speaker 1: you have that sort of strength of character and not

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Speaker 1: giving a fuck that you do before you go through puberty.

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Speaker 1: Are you feeling any of that? Are you feeling extra confident, happy,

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Speaker 1: anything like that?

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Speaker 6: I feel like you get that with age, but I

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Speaker 6: don't know that it's directly related to hormones or menopause.

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Speaker 5: I feel like after you get to a certain age,

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Speaker 5: you start to give less and less of a fuck.

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Speaker 6: I mean about everything, and that you don't like people

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Speaker 6: have opinions. You're like whatever, you just don't care. But

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Speaker 6: I don't know that that's an effect of menopause. I

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Speaker 6: think that menopause does have some like emotional like valleys,

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Speaker 6: kind of like this same thing when you're having your

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Speaker 6: period or whatever, you're on this sort of you know,

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Speaker 6: emotional roller coaster your whole life. I think you go

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Speaker 6: through that during menopause too. Some people get really really

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Speaker 6: sad and emotional, and some people don't.

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Speaker 5: Like it's very very individual.

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Speaker 2: And it's just so annoying that there's not a barometer

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Speaker 2: to tell you when you're feeling those mood swings that

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Speaker 2: it's related to your hormones. Like it would be more

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Speaker 2: beneficial to say, you have a mood coming on for

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Speaker 2: the next two to four days and you're going to

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Speaker 2: be a bitch, Like I want to know that information,

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Speaker 2: Like there should be some sort of smart app that

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Speaker 2: can tell you, But.

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Speaker 3: Sure there is, actually there has to be.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, I'm sure it has to do with your temperature,

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Speaker 6: Like you could put something, you could put a monitor

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Speaker 6: on you that would be able to show your cycles,

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Speaker 6: but nobody you know, because women's health is such a

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Speaker 6: low priority in terms of what people are working on.

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Speaker 6: It's probably just not out there, but I guarantee that

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Speaker 6: that can be easily created.

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Speaker 2: And ablationions are recommended highly for people with endometriosis, right, yeah,

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Speaker 2: because of the Yeah, so if you have endometriosis, you're

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Speaker 2: definitely a candidate. Before we take callers, here's an upbeat question.

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Speaker 2: Where do your favorite memories from childhood? Lie, Shauna, you

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Speaker 2: go first?

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Speaker 4: I would have to say Martha's Vineyard for sure. It's,

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Speaker 4: you know, still to this day, my favorite place in

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Speaker 4: the world. And I just remember like there always being

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Speaker 4: somebody around to play with, to hang out with, to

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Speaker 4: do something with because we had six kids, and just

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Speaker 4: like an endless summer, you know, that just was seemed

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Speaker 4: like forever and it was like Cameloin just beautiful, just

384
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Speaker 4: beautiful memories of the beach and the water and warm

385
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Speaker 4: weather and good food and laughing and playing and ticks.

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Speaker 4: That would definitely be it.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, what about you, Simone?

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Speaker 6: Actually this came up recently because I was talking to

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Speaker 6: someone about mom and different memories that came up, and

390
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Speaker 6: this really really strong memory came up of a trip

391
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Speaker 6: I took with her when I was about ten years old.

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Speaker 6: For some reason, she just I don't know, you were

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Speaker 6: like an I think she chills. And I took a

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Speaker 6: trip with her to California. So it was my first

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Speaker 6: trip to Seattle and then LA and it was just

396
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Speaker 6: the two of us, or mom and me, and we

397
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Speaker 6: just did all of.

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Speaker 5: This cool stuff together.

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Speaker 6: And we rented a car together and I got a

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Speaker 6: map and we like went all around LA and all

401
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Speaker 6: around Seattle and it was just like this really really

402
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Speaker 6: I have no idea again why nobody else came, but

403
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Speaker 6: it was just such a really fond memory that I

404
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Speaker 6: have my first plane ride and my first like big city,

405
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Speaker 6: and I don't know, I just had have been thinking

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Speaker 6: about that for a while because it was just one

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Speaker 6: on one time.

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Speaker 2: I remember a time when I was eight or nine

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Speaker 2: and Mom took you to look at colleges.

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Speaker 3: I think, Simone, now I.

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Speaker 2: Must have been seven, because you would have been seventeen,

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Speaker 2: and she was taking you to look at colleges. And

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Speaker 2: I remember being so fucking pissed at her for leaving

414
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Speaker 2: me alone with Dad, and I was like unforgiving, like

415
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Speaker 2: I wrote her the nastiest letter.

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Speaker 5: You wrote her a letter in response.

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Speaker 2: I was like I cannot believe that you would leave

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Speaker 2: a seven year old daughter alone with your husband. Been like,

419
00:18:00,760 --> 00:18:05,040
Speaker 2: this is ridiculous and you've deserted me and I Yeah,

420
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Speaker 2: I was so pissed at her for taking that trip.

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Speaker 2: So that was another trip you got to take with

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Speaker 2: mom alone while I stayed at home with dad.

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Speaker 6: All about that, Seanna, where were you in that scenario?

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Speaker 6: It seems like you would have been like helping out?

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Speaker 4: Now, Yeah, I mean, how old would I have been five?

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Speaker 3: Twelve? If I was seven?

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Speaker 2: You were twelve once Simone went for the second trip,

428
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Speaker 2: is what I'm talking about. Oh, so you were twelve,

429
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Speaker 2: so you were probably torturing me as usual.

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Speaker 4: Probably probably, or vice versa.

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Speaker 2: Okay, Well, my favorite memories are for Martha's Vineyard, for sure.

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Speaker 2: I have only fond memories from Martha's Vineyard, even though

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Speaker 2: that is where we found out our brother died and

434
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Speaker 2: my brother's favorite place. I think of Martha's Vineyard as

435
00:18:45,160 --> 00:18:50,240
Speaker 2: like the most idyllic childhood scenes. Everything was so nice,

436
00:18:50,400 --> 00:18:54,560
Speaker 2: our bikes and riding into town and hitchhiking and walking

437
00:18:54,560 --> 00:18:56,879
Speaker 2: around in bare Feet and Main Street and Egertown and

438
00:18:56,920 --> 00:18:59,879
Speaker 2: going to South Beach and just the food and the

439
00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:02,920
Speaker 2: blueberries and all this. Yeah, it was really Those are

440
00:19:02,920 --> 00:19:04,000
Speaker 2: my favorite memories.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, I think it's part of it.

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Speaker 6: It's just the freedom we had up there, Like we

443
00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:09,600
Speaker 6: were so lucky that I think that was the single

444
00:19:09,600 --> 00:19:11,880
Speaker 6: best decision probably my father ever made, was to buy

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Speaker 6: a house up there. As opposed to all the kids

446
00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:16,040
Speaker 6: that we grew up with, they all went down to

447
00:19:16,080 --> 00:19:19,080
Speaker 6: the Jersey Shore every summer, and I was like jealous

448
00:19:19,119 --> 00:19:21,480
Speaker 6: of that until I realized that Snooky.

449
00:19:21,960 --> 00:19:23,919
Speaker 2: Then she met Snooky and was like, wait a second,

450
00:19:23,920 --> 00:19:26,120
Speaker 2: and we were in the right place at the right.

451
00:19:25,920 --> 00:19:28,360
Speaker 5: Time, in the right place. We got to escape.

452
00:19:28,440 --> 00:19:32,680
Speaker 6: Like I literally had a completely different friend set, different personality,

453
00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:34,679
Speaker 6: like a whole different life up there. It was like

454
00:19:34,720 --> 00:19:37,120
Speaker 6: having literally having a double life. Like living up there

455
00:19:37,440 --> 00:19:40,119
Speaker 6: in the summers was so awesome, and we had so

456
00:19:40,240 --> 00:19:42,800
Speaker 6: much freedom because our parents were always out to lunch.

457
00:19:43,200 --> 00:19:46,760
Speaker 3: Yeah, not out to lunch. Not No, they wouldn't even

458
00:19:46,840 --> 00:19:48,760
Speaker 3: go out to lunch. That would have been an improvement.

459
00:19:51,320 --> 00:19:52,679
Speaker 2: Okay, we're going to take a break and we're going

460
00:19:52,720 --> 00:19:54,480
Speaker 2: to be right back to take some calls.

461
00:19:58,160 --> 00:20:00,680
Speaker 1: This week. We'd love for you to write in questions

462
00:20:00,680 --> 00:20:04,119
Speaker 1: you have about your new relationship. If you're newly dating

463
00:20:04,160 --> 00:20:06,239
Speaker 1: someone and you're not sure how to proceed with a

464
00:20:06,240 --> 00:20:09,800
Speaker 1: certain element of your relationship. Right into Dear Chelsea podcast

465
00:20:09,840 --> 00:20:11,200
Speaker 1: at gmail dot com.

466
00:20:11,359 --> 00:20:12,240
Speaker 5: And we're back.

467
00:20:12,640 --> 00:20:14,520
Speaker 3: We're back with Shashana and Simonehmmler.

468
00:20:14,640 --> 00:20:18,600
Speaker 2: These are my sisters and they are back by popular

469
00:20:18,640 --> 00:20:19,560
Speaker 2: demand to give it.

470
00:20:19,840 --> 00:20:21,520
Speaker 3: We're giving family advice, right.

471
00:20:21,680 --> 00:20:25,119
Speaker 1: We're giving some sister advice. Yes, we've got some kids advice.

472
00:20:25,560 --> 00:20:25,720
Speaker 4: Well.

473
00:20:25,720 --> 00:20:28,879
Speaker 1: Our first question comes from Jeannette. She is in Illinois.

474
00:20:28,880 --> 00:20:31,520
Speaker 1: She's in her sixties. I'm from a small town in

475
00:20:31,560 --> 00:20:33,760
Speaker 1: northern Illinois, and my husband and I have been married

476
00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:36,760
Speaker 1: for twenty seven years. Our two sons have graduated college

477
00:20:36,760 --> 00:20:39,680
Speaker 1: and moved to Nashville. They love it. We travel to

478
00:20:39,720 --> 00:20:42,080
Speaker 1: see them once a month. We love the city too,

479
00:20:42,480 --> 00:20:45,480
Speaker 1: comedy clubs, live music, art. We'd like to buy a

480
00:20:45,520 --> 00:20:47,359
Speaker 1: second home in Nashville, but wonder if we should wait

481
00:20:47,440 --> 00:20:50,119
Speaker 1: until the market changes. There are so many opinions on

482
00:20:50,160 --> 00:20:53,000
Speaker 1: both sides whether to wait or not. Financially, we can

483
00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:55,359
Speaker 1: afford it, especially because we spend money on a hotel

484
00:20:55,400 --> 00:20:57,720
Speaker 1: once a month. We love our empty, nesting lives right

485
00:20:57,720 --> 00:20:59,359
Speaker 1: now and love that we can see our kids here

486
00:20:59,400 --> 00:21:02,320
Speaker 1: and there when we visit. What do you think, Jeanette.

487
00:21:02,119 --> 00:21:07,240
Speaker 2: About what getting a second home real estate market? I

488
00:21:07,280 --> 00:21:11,560
Speaker 2: can't get financial advice. I am not equipped for that really.

489
00:21:11,720 --> 00:21:13,959
Speaker 6: First of all, if they're buying a house in Nashville

490
00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:16,760
Speaker 6: because that's where their sons are living and going to college,

491
00:21:16,880 --> 00:21:19,119
Speaker 6: they may not be living there in three years or

492
00:21:19,160 --> 00:21:21,640
Speaker 6: five years, like they might, you know, go somewhere else.

493
00:21:21,640 --> 00:21:23,399
Speaker 4: It might go to West.

494
00:21:22,960 --> 00:21:25,120
Speaker 5: Don't pick Nashville because your sons are there.

495
00:21:25,359 --> 00:21:27,800
Speaker 6: If you want a second home, picket wherever you want

496
00:21:27,800 --> 00:21:29,040
Speaker 6: to live, but don't base.

497
00:21:28,840 --> 00:21:31,600
Speaker 2: It on the yes exactly, stay at the hotel that's better.

498
00:21:31,800 --> 00:21:34,600
Speaker 2: You think, yeah, it's more sexy or it's fun. A

499
00:21:34,680 --> 00:21:37,080
Speaker 2: house is a pantastic You don't buy a house because

500
00:21:37,200 --> 00:21:40,160
Speaker 2: you don't follow your children to college so.

501
00:21:40,280 --> 00:21:41,440
Speaker 1: They're all graduated.

502
00:21:41,600 --> 00:21:44,240
Speaker 5: People do follow their kids to college. People do I know?

503
00:21:44,920 --> 00:21:45,399
Speaker 3: I know, I know.

504
00:21:45,480 --> 00:21:47,280
Speaker 2: I just met a coproge did it. I was like what,

505
00:21:47,359 --> 00:21:48,920
Speaker 2: They're like, Oh, our kids are in London. I just

506
00:21:49,000 --> 00:21:50,600
Speaker 2: was in it with a couple and they're like, our

507
00:21:50,640 --> 00:21:52,360
Speaker 2: kids are in London, so we're going to London. I'm

508
00:21:52,400 --> 00:21:54,880
Speaker 2: like to what follow them around and they're like, yeah,

509
00:21:54,920 --> 00:21:56,400
Speaker 2: we just want to be close to them.

510
00:21:57,040 --> 00:21:59,600
Speaker 1: See, my mom said that she got advice recently that

511
00:21:59,640 --> 00:22:01,720
Speaker 1: like people full her age and she's in her seventies.

512
00:22:02,119 --> 00:22:04,080
Speaker 1: She was like, go move where your kids are. Don't

513
00:22:04,119 --> 00:22:06,080
Speaker 1: expect them to move home, Like go be by them

514
00:22:06,080 --> 00:22:07,640
Speaker 1: and you can like help out with childcare.

515
00:22:07,720 --> 00:22:10,440
Speaker 4: And well maybe when they have kids and they're older

516
00:22:10,520 --> 00:22:12,320
Speaker 4: and they've starting their own families, you're gonna want to

517
00:22:12,320 --> 00:22:14,280
Speaker 4: see your grandkids and you want to help with them.

518
00:22:14,720 --> 00:22:17,480
Speaker 4: But when they're in college, you know, just go get

519
00:22:17,480 --> 00:22:20,760
Speaker 4: out Airbnb or hotel and you know, hang out a

520
00:22:20,800 --> 00:22:23,240
Speaker 4: few days or whatever. But I mean to buy a house,

521
00:22:23,280 --> 00:22:24,800
Speaker 4: that's a pretty big commitment.

522
00:22:25,040 --> 00:22:25,480
Speaker 3: Shot out.

523
00:22:25,520 --> 00:22:27,480
Speaker 2: You're a recent empty nester. What do you have to

524
00:22:27,480 --> 00:22:28,280
Speaker 2: say for yourself?

525
00:22:28,920 --> 00:22:31,600
Speaker 4: Listen, it's hard. It's hard. I only have one that left.

526
00:22:31,600 --> 00:22:33,840
Speaker 4: I have one still in high school. My daughter just

527
00:22:33,920 --> 00:22:36,560
Speaker 4: left for college this year, and it's been a major transition.

528
00:22:37,359 --> 00:22:39,119
Speaker 4: You know, when you when they're little and you start

529
00:22:39,119 --> 00:22:41,680
Speaker 4: a family, you never really think about that day that's

530
00:22:41,720 --> 00:22:43,560
Speaker 4: going to come and they're going to go off to

531
00:22:43,600 --> 00:22:46,240
Speaker 4: college somewhere far away, And it is really a slap

532
00:22:46,280 --> 00:22:52,240
Speaker 4: in the face. To be honest, what is happening? Like

533
00:22:52,359 --> 00:22:53,480
Speaker 4: how did I get here?

534
00:22:53,960 --> 00:22:54,439
Speaker 1: But I mean a.

535
00:22:54,480 --> 00:22:56,800
Speaker 5: Slap in the face. That's exactly what you want them

536
00:22:56,840 --> 00:22:57,160
Speaker 5: to do.

537
00:22:58,000 --> 00:23:01,159
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean I know, but you know it's really

538
00:23:01,240 --> 00:23:06,080
Speaker 4: like I just was not ready emotionally like ouch, Like

539
00:23:06,240 --> 00:23:07,359
Speaker 4: that sucked.

540
00:23:07,560 --> 00:23:09,439
Speaker 3: What was the tell us about it?

541
00:23:09,480 --> 00:23:11,840
Speaker 2: Because I'm sure a lot of women are listening that

542
00:23:12,040 --> 00:23:14,360
Speaker 2: are experiencing at so talk about it.

543
00:23:14,440 --> 00:23:16,320
Speaker 4: I mean, there's lots of excitement, of course for your

544
00:23:16,359 --> 00:23:19,120
Speaker 4: child to start this new adventure, and you want them

545
00:23:19,160 --> 00:23:21,840
Speaker 4: to have a great experience and leading up to it,

546
00:23:21,960 --> 00:23:25,159
Speaker 4: you know, you are trying to be positive and encouraging,

547
00:23:25,400 --> 00:23:26,800
Speaker 4: you know, but in the back of your mind there's

548
00:23:26,880 --> 00:23:29,800
Speaker 4: just this little bit of dread or sadness, like when

549
00:23:29,800 --> 00:23:32,000
Speaker 4: that day actually happens, Like what am I going to do?

550
00:23:32,040 --> 00:23:34,640
Speaker 4: Am I going to like completely break down in front

551
00:23:34,640 --> 00:23:36,760
Speaker 4: of my child? Am I going to pull it together?

552
00:23:36,840 --> 00:23:38,080
Speaker 4: Am I gonna what's going to happen?

553
00:23:38,400 --> 00:23:40,520
Speaker 3: And what did happen? Shauna?

554
00:23:40,680 --> 00:23:44,240
Speaker 4: So Mike and I my husband Mike, Charlie's dad, we

555
00:23:44,640 --> 00:23:47,399
Speaker 4: took her to college. We spent a few days and

556
00:23:47,640 --> 00:23:50,240
Speaker 4: got her all set, decorated a room, and her roommate

557
00:23:50,280 --> 00:23:53,520
Speaker 4: went out to dinner and we did really well, and

558
00:23:53,600 --> 00:23:56,879
Speaker 4: then it was time to go and we kept it

559
00:23:56,920 --> 00:23:59,760
Speaker 4: together until we shut the door. When we said goodbye,

560
00:24:00,200 --> 00:24:02,920
Speaker 4: literally in the hallway of her dorm, about ten feet

561
00:24:03,000 --> 00:24:06,160
Speaker 4: from closing the door and saying final device, we both

562
00:24:06,200 --> 00:24:09,240
Speaker 4: started crying. And unfortunately for my son Russell, who's fourteen,

563
00:24:09,880 --> 00:24:13,320
Speaker 4: and he was like, what the fuck are you guys doing?

564
00:24:14,240 --> 00:24:17,399
Speaker 4: It was like I'm so embarrassed, but we were both crying.

565
00:24:17,840 --> 00:24:20,639
Speaker 6: It was it's not just bad, like that moment is

566
00:24:20,680 --> 00:24:23,040
Speaker 6: really bittersweet, and you know, because you're like happy for them,

567
00:24:23,040 --> 00:24:25,400
Speaker 6: but you're sad and all that stuff, but it's it's

568
00:24:25,680 --> 00:24:29,119
Speaker 6: like the change in the dynamic of the family that changes.

569
00:24:29,600 --> 00:24:30,680
Speaker 5: So now Russell, like.

570
00:24:30,720 --> 00:24:33,080
Speaker 6: The two of you are focusing your attention on him

571
00:24:33,080 --> 00:24:36,240
Speaker 6: because she's away and doing whatever she wants and studying,

572
00:24:36,280 --> 00:24:39,640
Speaker 6: and he's kind of like the center of your activity now,

573
00:24:39,680 --> 00:24:42,040
Speaker 6: and the whole dynamic changes. And I think that's what

574
00:24:42,080 --> 00:24:44,520
Speaker 6: you can't predict how that changes.

575
00:24:44,720 --> 00:24:48,080
Speaker 4: Right right definitely after is you know, it's a whole

576
00:24:48,080 --> 00:24:50,960
Speaker 4: different environment. My Charlie is much more outgoing and loud.

577
00:24:51,640 --> 00:24:54,440
Speaker 4: My son Russell is more quiet, and he plays video

578
00:24:54,560 --> 00:24:58,399
Speaker 4: games and keeps to himself, and now we do focus

579
00:24:58,440 --> 00:25:00,480
Speaker 4: a lot more attention on him and you know, he

580
00:25:00,520 --> 00:25:04,520
Speaker 4: guys didn't really like it, but so well, but we're

581
00:25:04,640 --> 00:25:07,280
Speaker 4: or we're all just figuring it out and you know,

582
00:25:07,680 --> 00:25:11,480
Speaker 4: it's fine. It's just different and it gets better as

583
00:25:11,480 --> 00:25:13,480
Speaker 4: it goes, like each month gets a little easier. And

584
00:25:13,520 --> 00:25:15,840
Speaker 4: also knowing that your child is doing well makes it

585
00:25:15,840 --> 00:25:19,240
Speaker 4: a lot easier. You know, my daughter's happy, she's thriving,

586
00:25:19,359 --> 00:25:22,560
Speaker 4: she has lots of new friends, and that definitely like

587
00:25:22,720 --> 00:25:26,320
Speaker 4: makes you feel better about the whole situation. And thank

588
00:25:26,320 --> 00:25:29,040
Speaker 4: god for FaceTime and you know, texting all the time.

589
00:25:29,400 --> 00:25:31,520
Speaker 3: But it's the worst one is the first one? Right?

590
00:25:32,840 --> 00:25:35,119
Speaker 5: No, I don't know. I think it depends how you

591
00:25:35,160 --> 00:25:35,960
Speaker 5: know your dynamic.

592
00:25:36,080 --> 00:25:38,000
Speaker 6: Like for me, I think the first one was hard,

593
00:25:38,119 --> 00:25:39,919
Speaker 6: but I still had two kids at home, so it

594
00:25:39,960 --> 00:25:41,639
Speaker 6: was like I went home to a busy household. It

595
00:25:42,040 --> 00:25:44,600
Speaker 6: wasn't like every day I was thinking about Jake being

596
00:25:44,600 --> 00:25:46,920
Speaker 6: away and you know, how is he doing? And I

597
00:25:47,000 --> 00:25:49,080
Speaker 6: think by the time Seneca was ready to go to college,

598
00:25:49,160 --> 00:25:52,680
Speaker 6: I was like totally ready, like here go, you go

599
00:25:52,880 --> 00:25:55,680
Speaker 6: do your thing. And so you know, while I still

600
00:25:55,680 --> 00:25:58,520
Speaker 6: miss her, it's not the same thing. It's like I'm

601
00:25:58,560 --> 00:26:01,040
Speaker 6: ready to be an adult in the of her and

602
00:26:01,200 --> 00:26:03,800
Speaker 6: independent of kids, and she's ready to go off to college.

603
00:26:03,840 --> 00:26:05,600
Speaker 6: So but it kind of got easier with each one,

604
00:26:05,640 --> 00:26:06,159
Speaker 6: not harder.

605
00:26:06,720 --> 00:26:07,040
Speaker 3: Yeah.

606
00:26:07,119 --> 00:26:09,480
Speaker 2: I remember telling mom and Dad that I was going

607
00:26:09,520 --> 00:26:12,000
Speaker 2: to California, that I was going to drive across country

608
00:26:12,040 --> 00:26:14,280
Speaker 2: and move in with Gaby and Terry, our aunt and uncle.

609
00:26:15,000 --> 00:26:19,560
Speaker 2: And they were like, please go, you know, like, don't

610
00:26:19,600 --> 00:26:21,840
Speaker 2: wait another second. And Dad went and got me four

611
00:26:21,880 --> 00:26:24,000
Speaker 2: new tires for the car that I was driving across country.

612
00:26:24,040 --> 00:26:26,480
Speaker 2: He had never ever sprung for four new tires for

613
00:26:26,520 --> 00:26:29,320
Speaker 2: any car I drove, and he'd got me four new tires.

614
00:26:29,320 --> 00:26:30,840
Speaker 2: And they were like, don't let the door hit you

615
00:26:30,880 --> 00:26:32,880
Speaker 2: on the way out, like we are so fucking sick

616
00:26:32,920 --> 00:26:35,720
Speaker 2: of you. And it was the best decision I ever made,

617
00:26:35,760 --> 00:26:38,480
Speaker 2: because then I then I started to like my family again,

618
00:26:38,520 --> 00:26:39,760
Speaker 2: once I got enough distance.

619
00:26:40,160 --> 00:26:42,359
Speaker 5: Yeah, three thousand miles. It's the perfect amount of distance.

620
00:26:42,480 --> 00:26:46,120
Speaker 2: Absolutely, a drive across country will set anybody straight, that's true.

621
00:26:46,200 --> 00:26:48,520
Speaker 3: I do remember though, when Simone went to college.

622
00:26:48,600 --> 00:26:51,199
Speaker 2: That was a big gut punch for me because she

623
00:26:51,359 --> 00:26:54,080
Speaker 2: was my ally in my house against my father. She

624
00:26:54,119 --> 00:26:57,040
Speaker 2: would be our mediator and I did not get along

625
00:26:57,040 --> 00:26:59,159
Speaker 2: with my father for those years. And she went to

626
00:26:59,200 --> 00:27:01,320
Speaker 2: college to Emory, which I visited her frequently.

627
00:27:01,400 --> 00:27:02,720
Speaker 3: And Shauna, you did too right.

628
00:27:02,960 --> 00:27:05,680
Speaker 4: Only with the family, not by myself. Okay, I think

629
00:27:05,720 --> 00:27:06,480
Speaker 4: went by yourself.

630
00:27:06,720 --> 00:27:08,679
Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, you went rogue and came over when you

631
00:27:08,720 --> 00:27:10,800
Speaker 6: were eleven years old. I think mom and dad like

632
00:27:10,880 --> 00:27:13,200
Speaker 6: sent you on a plane to visit me. I don't

633
00:27:13,200 --> 00:27:16,160
Speaker 6: really understand how this went down, but you were eleven,

634
00:27:16,640 --> 00:27:18,199
Speaker 6: and so that means I was twenty one and I

635
00:27:18,200 --> 00:27:21,000
Speaker 6: took you everywhere I went, and I took you, which she.

636
00:27:20,920 --> 00:27:23,040
Speaker 2: Took me to my first bar called Pj's in Atlanta,

637
00:27:23,160 --> 00:27:25,040
Speaker 2: and I went in and she got carted and I

638
00:27:25,080 --> 00:27:25,280
Speaker 2: did it.

639
00:27:25,520 --> 00:27:27,919
Speaker 3: So I was eleven, so that gives eleven.

640
00:27:27,960 --> 00:27:31,160
Speaker 6: They didn't really think you were there to drink, but well, sorry,

641
00:27:31,160 --> 00:27:31,600
Speaker 6: I left you.

642
00:27:31,600 --> 00:27:32,880
Speaker 5: But I had to do it. You had to grow

643
00:27:32,960 --> 00:27:33,359
Speaker 5: up somehow.

644
00:27:33,600 --> 00:27:33,800
Speaker 4: I know.

645
00:27:33,920 --> 00:27:37,399
Speaker 2: I know that was traumatizing, actually very traumatizing, being alone

646
00:27:37,440 --> 00:27:38,399
Speaker 2: with my fucking parents.

647
00:27:38,840 --> 00:27:40,920
Speaker 3: Okay, anyway, I'm glad I got that off my chest.

648
00:27:43,880 --> 00:27:48,520
Speaker 1: Let's call the Amos almost so, Lene is our next caller.

649
00:27:48,640 --> 00:27:51,639
Speaker 2: Shauna, stopped moving your fucking camera around. You're making me nauseous.

650
00:27:53,280 --> 00:27:55,280
Speaker 4: It's saying that I have low bandwidth.

651
00:27:55,400 --> 00:27:57,360
Speaker 2: You do because you're going in and out. You're kind

652
00:27:57,359 --> 00:27:58,200
Speaker 2: of crackling up.

653
00:27:58,400 --> 00:27:59,919
Speaker 4: All right, I'm moving relocated.

654
00:28:00,560 --> 00:28:04,760
Speaker 1: Awesome, We're gonna hurt you in the basement.

655
00:28:06,880 --> 00:28:08,639
Speaker 3: That was Shauna to a tea.

656
00:28:08,720 --> 00:28:13,080
Speaker 2: Every time she calls, it's like hello, Hello, all right,

657
00:28:14,280 --> 00:28:16,280
Speaker 2: yeah I think so Shanna, Yeah.

658
00:28:15,920 --> 00:28:16,840
Speaker 3: Okay, all right.

659
00:28:16,880 --> 00:28:18,920
Speaker 1: Well our next color is Lane.

660
00:28:19,200 --> 00:28:19,920
Speaker 3: Lane Bryant.

661
00:28:20,000 --> 00:28:24,400
Speaker 1: Mm hmmm hm, Lane, says dear Chelsea. About two years ago,

662
00:28:24,440 --> 00:28:26,639
Speaker 1: I got out of a ten year relationship. Then a

663
00:28:26,640 --> 00:28:28,640
Speaker 1: month ago, I got out of a one year long

664
00:28:28,640 --> 00:28:32,000
Speaker 1: distance friends with benefits scenario that started as something sexy

665
00:28:32,040 --> 00:28:34,360
Speaker 1: and fun, but feelings were caught and it turned into

666
00:28:34,400 --> 00:28:38,200
Speaker 1: an exclusive, confusing situationship with a bit of an emotional ending.

667
00:28:38,560 --> 00:28:41,280
Speaker 1: So she originally had emailed to talk about how she

668
00:28:41,320 --> 00:28:44,640
Speaker 1: can find a friends with benefit situation, but she updated

669
00:28:44,680 --> 00:28:47,360
Speaker 1: with since I wrote in I've had a change of heart.

670
00:28:47,680 --> 00:28:49,840
Speaker 1: I recently read an awesome book How to Be Single,

671
00:28:49,920 --> 00:28:51,960
Speaker 1: and it got me excited and wanting to embrace the

672
00:28:52,040 --> 00:28:55,600
Speaker 1: solo time. I want to prioritize being present and intentional

673
00:28:55,680 --> 00:28:57,840
Speaker 1: in my decisions, and I need a break from getting

674
00:28:57,840 --> 00:29:01,120
Speaker 1: caught up in relation and situationships. All of this was

675
00:29:01,160 --> 00:29:03,400
Speaker 1: further sparked by your episode with Jane Fonda and the

676
00:29:03,400 --> 00:29:05,880
Speaker 1: caller discussing her divorce. That was me a year and

677
00:29:05,920 --> 00:29:07,960
Speaker 1: a half ago, and I'm at a place now where

678
00:29:08,000 --> 00:29:10,040
Speaker 1: I can tell people like that caller, you'll make it

679
00:29:10,040 --> 00:29:12,160
Speaker 1: through to the other side and it can actually feel great.

680
00:29:12,560 --> 00:29:14,760
Speaker 1: So my question is what strategies do you have for

681
00:29:14,840 --> 00:29:18,600
Speaker 1: staying present and intentional, staying strong in moments of loneliness,

682
00:29:18,840 --> 00:29:23,120
Speaker 1: and overcoming societal pressures. In terms of relationships, Lane.

683
00:29:23,360 --> 00:29:25,680
Speaker 3: Hi lay these are my sisters, Shashana and Simoe.

684
00:29:26,280 --> 00:29:27,520
Speaker 7: Oh I want to fother me too.

685
00:29:27,720 --> 00:29:30,080
Speaker 3: Ah, So where do you want to begin? Where?

686
00:29:30,160 --> 00:29:31,920
Speaker 2: Okay, so you want to know how to stay present

687
00:29:32,000 --> 00:29:35,160
Speaker 2: and focus or tips to stay present and focus. First

688
00:29:35,160 --> 00:29:37,800
Speaker 2: of all, I want to say something about loneliness. I

689
00:29:37,880 --> 00:29:40,440
Speaker 2: really don't. I think a lot of us are confused

690
00:29:40,440 --> 00:29:42,800
Speaker 2: about what loneliness is because we're so scared of it.

691
00:29:43,360 --> 00:29:46,920
Speaker 2: And like, being alone doesn't necessarily mean you have to

692
00:29:46,920 --> 00:29:51,560
Speaker 2: be feeling lonely, right, being alone can be very fulfilling

693
00:29:51,560 --> 00:29:53,960
Speaker 2: when you use your time and spend it in ways

694
00:29:53,960 --> 00:29:56,160
Speaker 2: that make you happy, like reading a really good book

695
00:29:56,280 --> 00:29:59,680
Speaker 2: or exercising or just watching TV in bed or whatever

696
00:29:59,720 --> 00:30:03,240
Speaker 2: you're stuff is, whatever you like to do. Any opportunity

697
00:30:03,280 --> 00:30:05,120
Speaker 2: I get to be by myself, I jump at it.

698
00:30:05,400 --> 00:30:07,520
Speaker 2: I spent a long time not being able to be alone,

699
00:30:07,880 --> 00:30:10,320
Speaker 2: but I appreciate my alone time. And I think as

700
00:30:10,320 --> 00:30:13,200
Speaker 2: you get older, you become much more comfortable with yourself

701
00:30:13,240 --> 00:30:17,840
Speaker 2: and your alone time. So don't obfuscate loneliness with being alone.

702
00:30:17,520 --> 00:30:20,160
Speaker 7: Definitely, And I think, like that's something I'm just currently

703
00:30:20,200 --> 00:30:23,239
Speaker 7: going through the process of learning and really embracing. I

704
00:30:23,240 --> 00:30:26,640
Speaker 7: think I spent, you know, many years in a long

705
00:30:26,720 --> 00:30:29,920
Speaker 7: term relationship, and you know, towards the end of that,

706
00:30:30,120 --> 00:30:33,080
Speaker 7: things just weren't feeling right anymore. And then after I

707
00:30:33,160 --> 00:30:35,520
Speaker 7: left it, I kind of fell into this old pattern

708
00:30:35,680 --> 00:30:39,080
Speaker 7: of maybe that little feeling of loneliness creeps in and

709
00:30:39,080 --> 00:30:41,120
Speaker 7: then you start reaching out to things that you don't

710
00:30:41,240 --> 00:30:44,480
Speaker 7: actually want or maybe that you're not ready for. And

711
00:30:44,520 --> 00:30:47,400
Speaker 7: so I'm just right now trying to find ways to

712
00:30:47,480 --> 00:30:51,160
Speaker 7: like quiet that loneliness feeling, I guess, and really just

713
00:30:51,320 --> 00:30:54,120
Speaker 7: embrace and be excited about being on my own, because

714
00:30:54,160 --> 00:30:56,880
Speaker 7: I don't necessarily think being alone is a scary thing.

715
00:30:56,920 --> 00:30:59,120
Speaker 7: It's something really exciting that I really just want to

716
00:30:59,160 --> 00:30:59,960
Speaker 7: embrace right now.

717
00:31:00,440 --> 00:31:02,479
Speaker 2: You should write down when you're feeling that way, like

718
00:31:02,640 --> 00:31:05,840
Speaker 2: feeling really lonely, and write the situation around it, like

719
00:31:05,840 --> 00:31:08,440
Speaker 2: what happened to your day, what happened during your day?

720
00:31:08,440 --> 00:31:10,680
Speaker 2: Who did you talk to? Why are you feeling lonely?

721
00:31:10,880 --> 00:31:12,880
Speaker 2: The more you examine things, the more they kind of

722
00:31:12,960 --> 00:31:15,400
Speaker 2: go away. I feel like you kind of face it

723
00:31:15,440 --> 00:31:17,840
Speaker 2: head on, where you're like, oh, this is interesting, I'm

724
00:31:17,840 --> 00:31:19,800
Speaker 2: feeling this right now. Why am I feeling this? What

725
00:31:19,880 --> 00:31:21,520
Speaker 2: happens today to make me feel this way? Is this

726
00:31:21,560 --> 00:31:23,840
Speaker 2: a result of something else that happened last week? You

727
00:31:23,840 --> 00:31:25,880
Speaker 2: know that kind of stuff. It's almost just like a

728
00:31:25,880 --> 00:31:28,040
Speaker 2: practice of getting to know yourself so that you get

729
00:31:28,040 --> 00:31:31,160
Speaker 2: into a more comfortable ease with yourself in your alone time.

730
00:31:31,360 --> 00:31:34,000
Speaker 2: I mean all three of us, as Simo and Shashana

731
00:31:34,040 --> 00:31:36,360
Speaker 2: and myself spend an ordered amount of time alone. I

732
00:31:36,360 --> 00:31:39,280
Speaker 2: would say, but okay, what was your other topic that

733
00:31:39,320 --> 00:31:40,280
Speaker 2: you wanted to discuss?

734
00:31:40,640 --> 00:31:43,200
Speaker 6: You're asking me about being present, trying to be more present.

735
00:31:43,520 --> 00:31:47,200
Speaker 7: Yeah, I think president just really intentional, Like I think

736
00:31:47,240 --> 00:31:49,400
Speaker 7: I met this like new area in my life for

737
00:31:49,400 --> 00:31:51,280
Speaker 7: a new chapter where I just have time to really

738
00:31:51,320 --> 00:31:54,760
Speaker 7: get to know myself, and I just don't I think

739
00:31:54,800 --> 00:31:57,280
Speaker 7: like sometimes it's like easy where especially kind of like

740
00:31:57,320 --> 00:31:59,000
Speaker 7: I guess one of the things I talked about was

741
00:31:59,040 --> 00:32:01,120
Speaker 7: like societal pressure. Your friends are like, oh, I could

742
00:32:01,120 --> 00:32:02,960
Speaker 7: set you up with someone, or you have someone that

743
00:32:03,040 --> 00:32:04,480
Speaker 7: asks you out, and you're like, oh, I couldn't be

744
00:32:04,520 --> 00:32:07,000
Speaker 7: interested in pursuing that. But I just like don't want

745
00:32:07,120 --> 00:32:09,720
Speaker 7: any noise of that right now. I just want to

746
00:32:09,800 --> 00:32:12,680
Speaker 7: kind of embrace being president intentional, and when I am

747
00:32:12,760 --> 00:32:15,560
Speaker 7: ready to like kind of move into dating or anything

748
00:32:15,640 --> 00:32:17,239
Speaker 7: kind of casual, I just want to be able to

749
00:32:17,240 --> 00:32:19,480
Speaker 7: like be very clear and my decision making and my

750
00:32:19,640 --> 00:32:22,640
Speaker 7: choices and just be really confident in all of that.

751
00:32:22,840 --> 00:32:25,960
Speaker 1: And not get roped into a relationship right exactly.

752
00:32:26,000 --> 00:32:27,840
Speaker 7: Like I think it's so easy where like if you

753
00:32:28,320 --> 00:32:30,480
Speaker 7: kind of like meet someone and then all of a sudden,

754
00:32:30,600 --> 00:32:33,000
Speaker 7: like you kind of get that attachment to them and

755
00:32:33,000 --> 00:32:35,640
Speaker 7: they kind of feeled, you know, that void of comfort

756
00:32:36,200 --> 00:32:39,040
Speaker 7: or validation, and I just don't want to I don't

757
00:32:39,200 --> 00:32:41,360
Speaker 7: want someone else to provide that for me. I want

758
00:32:41,400 --> 00:32:43,160
Speaker 7: to be able to provide that for myself right now

759
00:32:43,200 --> 00:32:45,080
Speaker 7: and really kind of lead into that.

760
00:32:45,720 --> 00:32:47,320
Speaker 5: It sounds like you know what you want.

761
00:32:47,720 --> 00:32:51,040
Speaker 3: Actually, you sound like you're being pretty intentional.

762
00:32:51,640 --> 00:32:54,000
Speaker 5: Yeah, Like I think what you're saying about.

763
00:32:54,120 --> 00:32:56,680
Speaker 6: You know, having you finally have some time alone, you

764
00:32:56,720 --> 00:32:59,280
Speaker 6: want to get to know yourself better, Like act on that,

765
00:32:59,400 --> 00:33:01,080
Speaker 6: like write down the things that you want to do

766
00:33:01,160 --> 00:33:01,760
Speaker 6: for yourself.

767
00:33:01,880 --> 00:33:03,440
Speaker 5: I mean, you're going to meet people along the way.

768
00:33:03,480 --> 00:33:05,239
Speaker 6: There will always be people trying to set you up

769
00:33:05,280 --> 00:33:07,120
Speaker 6: or whatever, but you don't have to jump into that.

770
00:33:07,640 --> 00:33:09,760
Speaker 6: You can just be very intentional about saying that's nice,

771
00:33:09,760 --> 00:33:12,000
Speaker 6: but that's not where I am right now. You know,

772
00:33:12,040 --> 00:33:13,880
Speaker 6: you can still be social, you can still go out,

773
00:33:13,880 --> 00:33:16,960
Speaker 6: but focus on the things that bring you joy or

774
00:33:17,000 --> 00:33:19,080
Speaker 6: things that you've wanted to try that you've never tried.

775
00:33:19,440 --> 00:33:20,800
Speaker 5: I mean, this is a like.

776
00:33:21,040 --> 00:33:23,800
Speaker 6: There's a lot of freedom that comes with being alone too,

777
00:33:24,000 --> 00:33:26,560
Speaker 6: Like there's a lot of obligations when you're committed to someone,

778
00:33:26,680 --> 00:33:29,320
Speaker 6: not necessarily in a bad way. But now that you

779
00:33:29,440 --> 00:33:32,000
Speaker 6: have this time in this space, Like why don't you

780
00:33:32,000 --> 00:33:34,080
Speaker 6: explore that a little bit, Like go a little bit

781
00:33:34,080 --> 00:33:36,560
Speaker 6: deeper and try to spend some time on what you

782
00:33:36,840 --> 00:33:39,720
Speaker 6: really want to do and that those things that you

783
00:33:39,840 --> 00:33:42,920
Speaker 6: like they shouldn't go away if you start a relationship either.

784
00:33:43,040 --> 00:33:44,960
Speaker 5: That's something to keep in mind. Like I think a

785
00:33:44,960 --> 00:33:46,240
Speaker 5: lot of people like do.

786
00:33:46,280 --> 00:33:48,120
Speaker 6: Things when they're alone, and then there are things when

787
00:33:48,120 --> 00:33:51,040
Speaker 6: they have their partner, and those things don't always overlap,

788
00:33:51,080 --> 00:33:53,680
Speaker 6: which I think can be really problematic.

789
00:33:53,440 --> 00:33:55,640
Speaker 7: Definitely, And I think kind of along with what you're

790
00:33:55,680 --> 00:33:57,920
Speaker 7: saying is within the last couple of months, I've just

791
00:33:57,960 --> 00:34:00,880
Speaker 7: found this new ground energy, a way to show up

792
00:34:00,880 --> 00:34:03,080
Speaker 7: for friends and family in a way that I maybe

793
00:34:03,520 --> 00:34:06,040
Speaker 7: wasn't fully able to when you are in relationship.

794
00:34:06,240 --> 00:34:08,719
Speaker 3: Totally totally, but I do.

795
00:34:08,680 --> 00:34:10,800
Speaker 7: Find too, like, especially when you're like friends or family

796
00:34:10,800 --> 00:34:12,680
Speaker 7: members that are like, are you happy you're alone? And

797
00:34:12,680 --> 00:34:15,040
Speaker 7: I just want to be like, well, I just don't

798
00:34:15,120 --> 00:34:18,359
Speaker 7: feel like alone is a bad word, and how do I? Yeah,

799
00:34:18,719 --> 00:34:20,319
Speaker 7: But every now and then, you know, you have that

800
00:34:20,440 --> 00:34:22,920
Speaker 7: like kind of dark, lonely voice that does come in,

801
00:34:22,920 --> 00:34:24,840
Speaker 7: and I just want to remind myself of the times

802
00:34:24,880 --> 00:34:27,000
Speaker 7: like right now where I'm feeling very much more like

803
00:34:27,120 --> 00:34:29,839
Speaker 7: strong about it and happier in content with it.

804
00:34:30,320 --> 00:34:32,319
Speaker 2: And you should write that down too, Like when you're

805
00:34:32,320 --> 00:34:35,200
Speaker 2: feeling great and positive, you should write down that and

806
00:34:35,239 --> 00:34:37,520
Speaker 2: the events around it that led you there, you know,

807
00:34:37,560 --> 00:34:39,680
Speaker 2: the kind of day you're having. Because I do think

808
00:34:39,680 --> 00:34:41,800
Speaker 2: you're on the right track. Everything you're saying, it sounds

809
00:34:41,920 --> 00:34:43,680
Speaker 2: very intentional those.

810
00:34:43,520 --> 00:34:47,880
Speaker 6: Comments from other people. Again, they're coming from all different places,

811
00:34:47,880 --> 00:34:51,439
Speaker 6: from society, from norms whatever, Like you have to kind

812
00:34:51,480 --> 00:34:53,520
Speaker 6: of you know, you don't have to be rude about it,

813
00:34:53,560 --> 00:34:56,120
Speaker 6: but like that's just their stuff. Like you don't have

814
00:34:56,160 --> 00:34:59,000
Speaker 6: to put that on you. If you're enjoying this time

815
00:34:59,080 --> 00:35:01,839
Speaker 6: and you're exploring and you're writing these things down where

816
00:35:01,880 --> 00:35:04,480
Speaker 6: you're enjoying your time alone, like not of that matters.

817
00:35:04,520 --> 00:35:07,479
Speaker 6: That's just preconceived notions that they have that they're trying

818
00:35:07,480 --> 00:35:08,080
Speaker 6: to put on you.

819
00:35:08,360 --> 00:35:10,600
Speaker 2: They're not about you, or they just have nothing to say,

820
00:35:10,640 --> 00:35:12,719
Speaker 2: so they say that because that's what people say. I've

821
00:35:12,719 --> 00:35:15,360
Speaker 2: said it to people before, Like it's just a pointless comment.

822
00:35:15,480 --> 00:35:19,360
Speaker 2: It's not helpful anyway. And also I always play this

823
00:35:19,440 --> 00:35:22,200
Speaker 2: game with myself when I am dating someone casually, like

824
00:35:22,280 --> 00:35:26,080
Speaker 2: to keep it casual. I always say to myself, like, okay,

825
00:35:26,400 --> 00:35:28,279
Speaker 2: say we have plans on a Friday night. I'm like, okay,

826
00:35:28,320 --> 00:35:29,759
Speaker 2: we have plans. I have plants with this fun guy

827
00:35:29,760 --> 00:35:32,120
Speaker 2: on Friday night. That'll be fun. And then I always

828
00:35:32,120 --> 00:35:34,360
Speaker 2: say to myself, if that doesn't work out for some reason,

829
00:35:35,080 --> 00:35:37,480
Speaker 2: I still have a million other options or I'm going

830
00:35:37,560 --> 00:35:39,680
Speaker 2: to do this or I'm I'm gonna be happy doing this.

831
00:35:40,040 --> 00:35:42,239
Speaker 2: I always kind of keep myself in check that way

832
00:35:42,280 --> 00:35:45,120
Speaker 2: when I'm starting out with some casual fling with somebody,

833
00:35:45,239 --> 00:35:47,279
Speaker 2: so that I make sure I know, like, this is

834
00:35:47,320 --> 00:35:48,120
Speaker 2: a fun thing.

835
00:35:47,960 --> 00:35:50,480
Speaker 3: To have, but this is not the source of my happiness.

836
00:35:51,160 --> 00:35:53,520
Speaker 2: It's good to remind yourself that you are going to

837
00:35:53,600 --> 00:35:56,719
Speaker 2: have a good time, and whether you're with someone or

838
00:35:56,719 --> 00:35:58,319
Speaker 2: whether you're without them, it's just going to be a

839
00:35:58,320 --> 00:36:01,080
Speaker 2: different time if you're with them. But to remind yourself

840
00:36:01,120 --> 00:36:03,360
Speaker 2: of your own source. You're the one who's bringing the

841
00:36:03,440 --> 00:36:06,279
Speaker 2: vibes to your life, not necessarily someone else. They can

842
00:36:06,360 --> 00:36:09,120
Speaker 2: always help, but no one is the source of another

843
00:36:09,160 --> 00:36:10,040
Speaker 2: person's happiness.

844
00:36:10,200 --> 00:36:13,120
Speaker 6: And what were you doing for yourself right now is

845
00:36:13,160 --> 00:36:15,319
Speaker 6: going to actually read benefits if you the next time

846
00:36:15,360 --> 00:36:17,920
Speaker 6: you are in a relationship, you know, getting to know yourself,

847
00:36:17,960 --> 00:36:20,319
Speaker 6: spending time with yourself so that you know sort of

848
00:36:20,320 --> 00:36:22,040
Speaker 6: what you want out of life and out of a

849
00:36:22,080 --> 00:36:24,840
Speaker 6: relationship in the future. So teriship because you don't know

850
00:36:24,840 --> 00:36:27,040
Speaker 6: how long it's going to last, and you know it's

851
00:36:27,040 --> 00:36:28,520
Speaker 6: going to benefit you in the long run too.

852
00:36:29,160 --> 00:36:31,320
Speaker 1: And someone I know you mentioned like of course Leane's

853
00:36:31,320 --> 00:36:33,320
Speaker 1: going to like go through her life and be meeting people.

854
00:36:33,520 --> 00:36:36,960
Speaker 1: Is there a way do you threethink to differentiate between like,

855
00:36:37,160 --> 00:36:39,279
Speaker 1: oh I met someone and I actually am really into

856
00:36:39,320 --> 00:36:41,600
Speaker 1: them versus like they just happen to be there, and

857
00:36:41,640 --> 00:36:42,600
Speaker 1: so I'm falling into this.

858
00:36:43,280 --> 00:36:47,839
Speaker 4: Sometimes when you're in a new relationship, you lose yourself.

859
00:36:47,880 --> 00:36:50,520
Speaker 4: You kind of want to be what you think they

860
00:36:50,560 --> 00:36:53,440
Speaker 4: need or what they want. I've done that in the past,

861
00:36:53,480 --> 00:36:56,359
Speaker 4: and it's like you kind of just forget who you

862
00:36:56,440 --> 00:36:58,239
Speaker 4: are a little bit, and then you kind of get

863
00:36:58,239 --> 00:37:02,400
Speaker 4: off course. And you know, it's great just to stay grounded,

864
00:37:02,520 --> 00:37:07,120
Speaker 4: remember who you are and take it slow and don't

865
00:37:07,120 --> 00:37:09,920
Speaker 4: lose yourself. Remember what you like, what you want, what

866
00:37:09,960 --> 00:37:13,239
Speaker 4: you are. If that person's really worth it, or you

867
00:37:13,280 --> 00:37:14,959
Speaker 4: know it was the one you might end up with,

868
00:37:15,400 --> 00:37:17,439
Speaker 4: they're going to love you the way that you are.

869
00:37:17,520 --> 00:37:20,040
Speaker 4: You know, you don't need to change or or get

870
00:37:20,080 --> 00:37:23,400
Speaker 4: ahead of yourself or make changes about yourself to fit them.

871
00:37:23,840 --> 00:37:26,040
Speaker 4: You've got to be you know, secure and who you are.

872
00:37:26,280 --> 00:37:28,319
Speaker 2: Yeah, and you sound like you are secure and who

873
00:37:28,320 --> 00:37:30,120
Speaker 2: you are and you're only getting to know yourself better,

874
00:37:30,200 --> 00:37:32,440
Speaker 2: which is just going to be like you're putting money

875
00:37:32,440 --> 00:37:35,160
Speaker 2: in the bank of your happiness, so I don't think

876
00:37:35,160 --> 00:37:37,239
Speaker 2: you're going to have any problems. And also listen, as

877
00:37:37,239 --> 00:37:40,000
Speaker 2: we get older and more mature, we stop taking every

878
00:37:40,000 --> 00:37:43,160
Speaker 2: little interaction so seriously with men, even when it is

879
00:37:43,160 --> 00:37:46,000
Speaker 2: a fling, like we start to understand the difference and

880
00:37:46,040 --> 00:37:49,040
Speaker 2: we don't get that attachment that happens sometimes when we're

881
00:37:49,040 --> 00:37:50,280
Speaker 2: in our twenties and thirties.

882
00:37:50,400 --> 00:37:51,200
Speaker 3: Once you hit your.

883
00:37:51,080 --> 00:37:54,000
Speaker 2: Forties, you're like, oh no, no, no, Like that's a

884
00:37:54,040 --> 00:37:54,880
Speaker 2: temporary gig.

885
00:37:54,960 --> 00:37:56,480
Speaker 3: You're not a person in my life.

886
00:37:56,520 --> 00:37:58,880
Speaker 2: Like you know, you just grow into it and you

887
00:37:59,000 --> 00:38:01,719
Speaker 2: understand that certain people are just visitors and then other

888
00:38:01,760 --> 00:38:02,840
Speaker 2: people are going to stay.

889
00:38:03,280 --> 00:38:05,080
Speaker 6: And I would just add one little point as just

890
00:38:05,080 --> 00:38:08,040
Speaker 6: setting being be really clear. You know, if you are

891
00:38:08,160 --> 00:38:10,880
Speaker 6: dating someone, like, be really clear about your intention. Okay,

892
00:38:11,120 --> 00:38:13,440
Speaker 6: I am not looking for something. If they're looking for

893
00:38:13,480 --> 00:38:15,560
Speaker 6: long term relationship and you're not, then that's probably not

894
00:38:15,640 --> 00:38:16,680
Speaker 6: a place to start dating.

895
00:38:16,920 --> 00:38:18,520
Speaker 5: You have to be really clear about like this is

896
00:38:18,520 --> 00:38:19,439
Speaker 5: where I am in my life.

897
00:38:19,480 --> 00:38:22,000
Speaker 6: I have no interest in that, and just be clear

898
00:38:22,520 --> 00:38:25,160
Speaker 6: about communicating that to them so that you're not you

899
00:38:25,200 --> 00:38:26,840
Speaker 6: don't end up with the wrong person.

900
00:38:27,440 --> 00:38:28,799
Speaker 4: And I guess along that way.

901
00:38:28,960 --> 00:38:31,520
Speaker 7: Length is like, what is it good approach for when

902
00:38:31,560 --> 00:38:33,759
Speaker 7: you're kind of entering into the dating world again, Like,

903
00:38:33,760 --> 00:38:35,920
Speaker 7: how do you communicate that to someone Like I'm just

904
00:38:35,960 --> 00:38:38,839
Speaker 7: like not looking for anything super serious at this point

905
00:38:38,880 --> 00:38:41,040
Speaker 7: in time. When's a good tak to say that?

906
00:38:41,640 --> 00:38:44,560
Speaker 6: Really early on? I think, I mean anything to jump

907
00:38:44,600 --> 00:38:46,560
Speaker 6: in here, but I think really early.

908
00:38:46,360 --> 00:38:49,320
Speaker 3: On, I don't know. That's kind of like a smoan.

909
00:38:49,440 --> 00:38:49,880
Speaker 3: Think about it.

910
00:38:49,880 --> 00:38:51,839
Speaker 2: When you're on your dating sites. Do you like hearing

911
00:38:51,920 --> 00:38:54,400
Speaker 2: that right out of the gate? I mean, I guess

912
00:38:54,440 --> 00:38:55,560
Speaker 2: maybe it would be helpful.

913
00:38:55,840 --> 00:38:58,000
Speaker 6: Well, I mean all those those apps actually are set

914
00:38:58,040 --> 00:38:59,600
Speaker 6: up that way, so they say like I want a

915
00:38:59,640 --> 00:39:02,080
Speaker 6: short I want short term fun, I just want a

916
00:39:02,120 --> 00:39:04,279
Speaker 6: one night stand, I want a long term relationship, I'm

917
00:39:04,320 --> 00:39:06,560
Speaker 6: looking to get married. All those options are on there.

918
00:39:07,080 --> 00:39:09,520
Speaker 2: Yes to all of that, But I also don't think

919
00:39:09,880 --> 00:39:12,680
Speaker 2: that you need to say that right off the bat,

920
00:39:12,760 --> 00:39:14,680
Speaker 2: because what if you end up dating a guy that

921
00:39:14,719 --> 00:39:17,359
Speaker 2: you're like, well, wow, this is actually a really good match.

922
00:39:17,480 --> 00:39:18,839
Speaker 3: This is a healthy relationship.

923
00:39:19,080 --> 00:39:20,840
Speaker 2: We have like it's a great give and take, we

924
00:39:20,880 --> 00:39:23,359
Speaker 2: compliment each other, and then you're like, oh, okay, maybe

925
00:39:23,400 --> 00:39:25,120
Speaker 2: I can have a relationship. I don't think you have

926
00:39:25,200 --> 00:39:27,040
Speaker 2: to be like black and white about things at the

927
00:39:27,080 --> 00:39:30,120
Speaker 2: outset as you're dating them. And if you're like, oh,

928
00:39:30,239 --> 00:39:32,279
Speaker 2: this guy needs to know like he's falling in love

929
00:39:32,320 --> 00:39:35,359
Speaker 2: with me, he needs to know this is casual. Then yes,

930
00:39:35,840 --> 00:39:38,719
Speaker 2: don't string somebody along that you're not interested in. Right,

931
00:39:38,920 --> 00:39:40,920
Speaker 2: But I don't know that it has to be like

932
00:39:40,960 --> 00:39:43,200
Speaker 2: the first thing you say, yea.

933
00:39:43,160 --> 00:39:45,520
Speaker 3: And listen, you're smart, Lane, you don't even fucking need us.

934
00:39:45,600 --> 00:39:49,640
Speaker 2: Okay, you're fine, you're beautiful, you're smart, you're intelligent. You're

935
00:39:49,640 --> 00:39:51,920
Speaker 2: taking time to be alone. Every woman should be doing this.

936
00:39:52,480 --> 00:39:54,520
Speaker 2: And good luck with everything because I know you're going

937
00:39:54,560 --> 00:39:55,200
Speaker 2: to have a good life.

938
00:39:55,320 --> 00:39:58,360
Speaker 7: Thank you, Okay, wonderful to me too. All have a

939
00:39:58,360 --> 00:39:58,839
Speaker 7: great day.

940
00:39:58,960 --> 00:40:00,000
Speaker 3: Okay you too?

941
00:40:00,080 --> 00:40:02,440
Speaker 5: Yeah, take care bye.

942
00:40:02,719 --> 00:40:03,200
Speaker 3: Shshana.

943
00:40:03,280 --> 00:40:05,040
Speaker 2: You are making me nauseous. Are you in a place

944
00:40:05,080 --> 00:40:07,120
Speaker 2: where you're getting a signal? You have been walking around

945
00:40:07,160 --> 00:40:08,360
Speaker 2: this entire episode.

946
00:40:08,840 --> 00:40:10,880
Speaker 4: Everywhere I go it says low bandwidth?

947
00:40:10,880 --> 00:40:13,480
Speaker 3: But how can you have low bandwidth in your house? How?

948
00:40:15,160 --> 00:40:15,399
Speaker 1: How?

949
00:40:16,360 --> 00:40:17,880
Speaker 4: I guess it's time to call Verizon?

950
00:40:18,239 --> 00:40:25,839
Speaker 2: Okay, anyway, okay, we have one last caller, guys, so

951
00:40:26,040 --> 00:40:27,200
Speaker 2: just fucking focus.

952
00:40:28,040 --> 00:40:31,359
Speaker 1: So I've got Hannah on the line here Hannah is

953
00:40:31,520 --> 00:40:33,960
Speaker 1: having some baby daddy issues. She says, I'm a single

954
00:40:34,040 --> 00:40:36,200
Speaker 1: parent living in a beach town in the South with

955
00:40:36,239 --> 00:40:38,680
Speaker 1: my five year old daughter. I have a wonderful new

956
00:40:38,680 --> 00:40:41,000
Speaker 1: partner coming up on a year and we are so happy.

957
00:40:41,120 --> 00:40:44,160
Speaker 1: He's also a single dad. Baby daddy had a lot

958
00:40:44,200 --> 00:40:47,920
Speaker 1: of issues, alcohol, drugs, pathological liar, the list goes on,

959
00:40:48,239 --> 00:40:50,480
Speaker 1: and he split when my little one was two. He

960
00:40:50,520 --> 00:40:52,960
Speaker 1: lives in New York now supposedly never paid a cent

961
00:40:53,000 --> 00:40:55,799
Speaker 1: in child support, held in contempt by the courts. Took

962
00:40:55,920 --> 00:40:58,200
Speaker 1: years to track him down so I could obtain full

963
00:40:58,280 --> 00:41:00,400
Speaker 1: legal custody, and I had to trick him in signing

964
00:41:00,480 --> 00:41:02,319
Speaker 1: the papers by telling him he could be a part

965
00:41:02,320 --> 00:41:05,000
Speaker 1: of my daughter's life. He finally signed, and of course

966
00:41:05,040 --> 00:41:07,600
Speaker 1: I'm desperate to close this chapter for good. Now he's

967
00:41:07,640 --> 00:41:10,080
Speaker 1: angry and suddenly wants to be a part of her life.

968
00:41:10,560 --> 00:41:13,719
Speaker 1: I'm so against this, as he's very inconsistent and unreliable,

969
00:41:13,760 --> 00:41:16,279
Speaker 1: and who can know for sure if he's changed. I

970
00:41:16,320 --> 00:41:18,120
Speaker 1: want to protect my daughter, of course, but I feel

971
00:41:18,120 --> 00:41:20,319
Speaker 1: a little guilty. At the same time. I do not

972
00:41:20,360 --> 00:41:22,719
Speaker 1: feel safe having him re enter her life. But am

973
00:41:22,760 --> 00:41:25,200
Speaker 1: I being too harsh? How can I set boundaries with

974
00:41:25,280 --> 00:41:27,040
Speaker 1: someone who has no concept of them.

975
00:41:27,200 --> 00:41:32,080
Speaker 2: Hannah, Hi, Hannah, Hi, Hannah, Hi Hannah, Hi, Hi.

976
00:41:32,200 --> 00:41:33,480
Speaker 3: These are my sisters.

977
00:41:33,840 --> 00:41:37,759
Speaker 4: Hi. You said you signed some papers. What were the

978
00:41:37,840 --> 00:41:40,799
Speaker 4: specifics on that? Because I didn't. It wasn't clear like

979
00:41:41,280 --> 00:41:42,200
Speaker 4: what he signed.

980
00:41:41,960 --> 00:41:45,640
Speaker 8: Away or so I would prefer of something was signed away.

981
00:41:45,760 --> 00:41:48,879
Speaker 8: But the final point, like case clothes, that we got

982
00:41:48,960 --> 00:41:52,640
Speaker 8: to was soul cost city parent. It was just like

983
00:41:53,239 --> 00:41:55,440
Speaker 8: when we first started, so so long ago. I was like,

984
00:41:55,560 --> 00:41:58,440
Speaker 8: let's go parent, let's try this. Like I'm a very positive,

985
00:41:58,440 --> 00:42:00,000
Speaker 8: open minded person. I was like, yeah, let's do it.

986
00:42:00,320 --> 00:42:03,360
Speaker 8: So the original agreement was shared custody, and I just

987
00:42:03,400 --> 00:42:06,840
Speaker 8: finally got soul custody because I'm the only parent here.

988
00:42:07,080 --> 00:42:09,880
Speaker 5: So he's on the other coast, he's far.

989
00:42:09,719 --> 00:42:12,359
Speaker 8: Away, he's allegedly in New York.

990
00:42:12,920 --> 00:42:14,960
Speaker 6: When he says he wants to be part of her life,

991
00:42:14,960 --> 00:42:16,520
Speaker 6: what does he mean by that if he doesn't live

992
00:42:16,520 --> 00:42:17,720
Speaker 6: anywhere nearby.

993
00:42:17,680 --> 00:42:21,440
Speaker 8: I'm not sure, Like it's very unclear. So those messages,

994
00:42:21,719 --> 00:42:24,880
Speaker 8: those begging kind of I've changed, I've changed, I've changed.

995
00:42:25,400 --> 00:42:27,520
Speaker 8: How can you keep her from me? I want to

996
00:42:27,560 --> 00:42:30,440
Speaker 8: be in her life? They come every like four to

997
00:42:30,520 --> 00:42:35,960
Speaker 8: six weeks. Sometimes every few months, and for me, it's

998
00:42:36,000 --> 00:42:38,680
Speaker 8: really challenging to engage every single time and go back

999
00:42:38,680 --> 00:42:41,720
Speaker 8: into that loophole and go back into that cycle because

1000
00:42:41,800 --> 00:42:44,279
Speaker 8: I have a heart, I have feelings that I was

1001
00:42:44,480 --> 00:42:47,560
Speaker 8: super invested in this in like the boundary I've put

1002
00:42:47,640 --> 00:42:50,800
Speaker 8: up is I either ignore it, which doesn't feel great,

1003
00:42:50,920 --> 00:42:53,399
Speaker 8: But it's really hard to engage with him because there's

1004
00:42:53,400 --> 00:42:58,000
Speaker 8: no like linear result and he doesn't come back into

1005
00:42:58,040 --> 00:42:59,800
Speaker 8: her life. And I don't think it's fair for a

1006
00:42:59,880 --> 00:43:02,879
Speaker 8: young child to have that inconsistency and to have.

1007
00:43:03,280 --> 00:43:04,960
Speaker 9: I'm here, I'm here, I'm here, I'm ready, let's have

1008
00:43:05,000 --> 00:43:05,440
Speaker 9: a FaceTime.

1009
00:43:05,520 --> 00:43:06,399
Speaker 5: Let's have a phone call.

1010
00:43:06,680 --> 00:43:08,200
Speaker 8: I don't know who you are anymore, but I'm gonna

1011
00:43:08,200 --> 00:43:09,160
Speaker 8: try and then gone.

1012
00:43:09,640 --> 00:43:11,600
Speaker 5: When when was the last time that they saw each other?

1013
00:43:11,880 --> 00:43:13,200
Speaker 9: Like about two years ago?

1014
00:43:13,600 --> 00:43:15,840
Speaker 5: So does she have any memory of him at this point?

1015
00:43:16,160 --> 00:43:16,840
Speaker 4: Not really.

1016
00:43:17,200 --> 00:43:20,400
Speaker 8: I'm currently have a new partner and that's been a

1017
00:43:20,480 --> 00:43:24,160
Speaker 8: really positive influence and we're moving in together soon. And

1018
00:43:24,239 --> 00:43:26,359
Speaker 8: I've even gotten a lot of great feedback from her

1019
00:43:26,440 --> 00:43:30,279
Speaker 8: teacher saying how she draws pictures and talks about him

1020
00:43:30,320 --> 00:43:32,240
Speaker 8: and is very excited, you know, like he's like included

1021
00:43:32,239 --> 00:43:35,920
Speaker 8: in the narrative now and she's like reflected on that

1022
00:43:35,920 --> 00:43:39,040
Speaker 8: that has been a positive thing, whereas in the past,

1023
00:43:39,160 --> 00:43:41,520
Speaker 8: like she's like even mentioned her friends, like yeah, I

1024
00:43:41,560 --> 00:43:44,080
Speaker 8: don't I don't have a dad. You know, it's very

1025
00:43:44,120 --> 00:43:47,680
Speaker 8: clear from a young age, like the different families options

1026
00:43:47,680 --> 00:43:49,400
Speaker 8: that they are, and you know, we have family events

1027
00:43:49,400 --> 00:43:51,520
Speaker 8: and she doesn't have a person there.

1028
00:43:51,719 --> 00:43:54,600
Speaker 6: I feel like he is showing you who he is

1029
00:43:54,640 --> 00:43:57,080
Speaker 6: by only reaching out every six weeks. It sounds like

1030
00:43:57,120 --> 00:44:01,040
Speaker 6: either guilt or family members of his that are like saying, hey,

1031
00:44:01,080 --> 00:44:03,080
Speaker 6: what about your daughter and you should really push that

1032
00:44:03,239 --> 00:44:06,120
Speaker 6: or whatever wherever it's coming from. You have to, like,

1033
00:44:06,160 --> 00:44:08,719
Speaker 6: he has to show up in a much better way

1034
00:44:08,719 --> 00:44:11,560
Speaker 6: for you to even consider him having a part in

1035
00:44:11,600 --> 00:44:13,600
Speaker 6: her life like he has. I think you have to

1036
00:44:13,640 --> 00:44:16,640
Speaker 6: tell him, look, I can't deal with this on again

1037
00:44:16,719 --> 00:44:18,680
Speaker 6: off again stuff. If you want to be part of

1038
00:44:18,680 --> 00:44:21,200
Speaker 6: her life, you have to do ABC and D and

1039
00:44:21,239 --> 00:44:23,520
Speaker 6: those things would be like, you know, you have to

1040
00:44:23,600 --> 00:44:25,880
Speaker 6: show me that you're gonna support her. You're going to

1041
00:44:26,040 --> 00:44:27,360
Speaker 6: show me that you're going to show up on a

1042
00:44:27,400 --> 00:44:28,120
Speaker 6: regular basis.

1043
00:44:28,120 --> 00:44:31,000
Speaker 5: You have to do all these things that like demonstrate

1044
00:44:31,040 --> 00:44:32,200
Speaker 5: that he really means it.

1045
00:44:32,480 --> 00:44:34,640
Speaker 6: Otherwise you shouldn't have to deal with him at all

1046
00:44:34,719 --> 00:44:38,240
Speaker 6: because it's very unhealthy for her, and that's the most

1047
00:44:38,239 --> 00:44:38,879
Speaker 6: important thing.

1048
00:44:39,440 --> 00:44:39,760
Speaker 9: Thanks.

1049
00:44:40,080 --> 00:44:42,759
Speaker 2: And I also think it's about your health mental health too,

1050
00:44:42,880 --> 00:44:45,520
Speaker 2: like he's gonna put such a strain, he's already putting

1051
00:44:45,520 --> 00:44:47,760
Speaker 2: a strain on your mental health and he's not even around,

1052
00:44:48,440 --> 00:44:50,560
Speaker 2: and he hasn't been around, and you have a positive

1053
00:44:50,560 --> 00:44:52,919
Speaker 2: influence for her now, It's like, yeah, if he wants

1054
00:44:52,960 --> 00:44:55,960
Speaker 2: to show up and come and visit, that's one thing,

1055
00:44:56,000 --> 00:44:58,240
Speaker 2: But talking about it doesn't really get you anywhere.

1056
00:44:58,719 --> 00:45:00,479
Speaker 5: Yes, he has to put his money with his mouth.

1057
00:45:00,520 --> 00:45:03,080
Speaker 4: Is he talking about coming to live there?

1058
00:45:03,640 --> 00:45:06,879
Speaker 8: So that's another interesting aspect. The state where I live,

1059
00:45:07,160 --> 00:45:09,640
Speaker 8: he has like a I think it's called a bench

1060
00:45:09,719 --> 00:45:13,000
Speaker 8: of arrest warrant because if you don't pay child support,

1061
00:45:13,080 --> 00:45:16,000
Speaker 8: that's illegal, right, And so he after a certain amount

1062
00:45:16,000 --> 00:45:18,600
Speaker 8: of time, it gets written into the courts like he's

1063
00:45:18,640 --> 00:45:21,680
Speaker 8: paid zero dollars, So then there's like a warrant out

1064
00:45:21,719 --> 00:45:24,439
Speaker 8: for his arrest in this state if he comes back,

1065
00:45:24,440 --> 00:45:27,200
Speaker 8: because you can't leave the state and not pay Apparently

1066
00:45:27,239 --> 00:45:29,280
Speaker 8: you can't leave the state and not pay child support

1067
00:45:29,520 --> 00:45:30,760
Speaker 8: because it's a federal crime.

1068
00:45:31,080 --> 00:45:31,239
Speaker 1: Right.

1069
00:45:31,360 --> 00:45:33,680
Speaker 2: I would just love to have the rules about what

1070
00:45:33,719 --> 00:45:36,399
Speaker 2: would happen if a fucking woman did that and then

1071
00:45:36,480 --> 00:45:37,000
Speaker 2: came back.

1072
00:45:37,200 --> 00:45:39,600
Speaker 3: Yeah. I mean it's just we would be arrested if

1073
00:45:39,640 --> 00:45:41,200
Speaker 3: we tried to fucking pullshit like that.

1074
00:45:41,640 --> 00:45:43,719
Speaker 8: So like part of me feels like I could go

1075
00:45:43,760 --> 00:45:45,960
Speaker 8: down the petty road and the mean road and put

1076
00:45:46,000 --> 00:45:48,520
Speaker 8: all my energy into being negative and getting him in

1077
00:45:48,520 --> 00:45:49,680
Speaker 8: trouble and getting back.

1078
00:45:49,560 --> 00:45:50,200
Speaker 9: At him and did it.

1079
00:45:50,480 --> 00:45:51,799
Speaker 3: No, no, no, no, that's no good.

1080
00:45:52,120 --> 00:45:53,880
Speaker 9: I want to like be free of it.

1081
00:45:53,960 --> 00:45:54,200
Speaker 4: You know.

1082
00:45:54,520 --> 00:45:56,960
Speaker 1: I don't think you have an obligation to even accept

1083
00:45:57,320 --> 00:45:59,920
Speaker 1: calls and texts from him. I think it's time to block.

1084
00:46:00,320 --> 00:46:03,600
Speaker 1: If he has a meaningful change of heart or change

1085
00:46:03,600 --> 00:46:07,040
Speaker 1: of like being and can pay his child support, come

1086
00:46:07,080 --> 00:46:10,680
Speaker 1: back into the state actually, like send you paperwork. I

1087
00:46:10,680 --> 00:46:13,800
Speaker 1: want to see my child again. Then that's a different issue.

1088
00:46:13,800 --> 00:46:16,080
Speaker 1: But I don't think you need to be subject to

1089
00:46:16,280 --> 00:46:18,400
Speaker 1: getting these texts in your inbox.

1090
00:46:18,760 --> 00:46:22,319
Speaker 2: I wouldn't say block him because that is her daughter's father, Like,

1091
00:46:22,920 --> 00:46:25,319
Speaker 2: what if something happens and they need to know, and

1092
00:46:25,360 --> 00:46:28,080
Speaker 2: you can handle that situation, but getting a text every

1093
00:46:28,080 --> 00:46:30,279
Speaker 2: four to six weeks, you don't have to respond to that.

1094
00:46:30,640 --> 00:46:33,280
Speaker 2: You could just let it go because I have. Clearly

1095
00:46:33,320 --> 00:46:36,440
Speaker 2: he's not that determined, otherwise he would be texting you

1096
00:46:36,480 --> 00:46:39,640
Speaker 2: more frequently. But I think you've got the right idea.

1097
00:46:39,880 --> 00:46:42,080
Speaker 2: Just I think just try not to like limit your

1098
00:46:42,120 --> 00:46:44,319
Speaker 2: engagement with him. You don't have to respond to him.

1099
00:46:44,640 --> 00:46:47,239
Speaker 2: He has a bench warrant in the state you're living

1100
00:46:47,320 --> 00:46:50,000
Speaker 2: in for not paying child support. That's all he needs

1101
00:46:50,040 --> 00:46:52,680
Speaker 2: to know. And if he wants to change, I mean,

1102
00:46:52,719 --> 00:46:54,919
Speaker 2: that's it. That's all the information that he needs.

1103
00:46:54,960 --> 00:46:57,920
Speaker 4: He's not paying support. There's no reason for you to

1104
00:46:58,360 --> 00:47:00,600
Speaker 4: have them interact in any way. I mean, he's not

1105
00:47:00,680 --> 00:47:04,879
Speaker 4: even like doing the minimum of what is expected of him,

1106
00:47:04,960 --> 00:47:07,319
Speaker 4: so he has to show you that he's going to

1107
00:47:07,320 --> 00:47:10,200
Speaker 4: totally turn things around. I mean, he's not paying support,

1108
00:47:10,360 --> 00:47:11,560
Speaker 4: he's no right to see his daughter.

1109
00:47:11,640 --> 00:47:12,120
Speaker 3: That's true.

1110
00:47:12,200 --> 00:47:14,319
Speaker 1: Yeah, So maybe it's as simple as that, like, sure,

1111
00:47:14,360 --> 00:47:16,239
Speaker 1: once you can pay child support, you can be in

1112
00:47:16,280 --> 00:47:18,759
Speaker 1: her life. And if that winds up happening, then that's

1113
00:47:18,760 --> 00:47:19,640
Speaker 1: a different conversation.

1114
00:47:20,040 --> 00:47:20,239
Speaker 5: Yeah.

1115
00:47:20,239 --> 00:47:22,200
Speaker 8: I would. I would say, like, Okay, you need to

1116
00:47:22,200 --> 00:47:23,719
Speaker 8: do a B and C, make it very clear for

1117
00:47:23,840 --> 00:47:25,839
Speaker 8: six months, and then after six months we can talk

1118
00:47:25,840 --> 00:47:26,840
Speaker 8: about blah blah blah.

1119
00:47:26,840 --> 00:47:30,919
Speaker 2: But we'll see, right, Yeah, focus on your good life

1120
00:47:30,920 --> 00:47:32,279
Speaker 2: that you've got going with your new man.

1121
00:47:32,400 --> 00:47:33,279
Speaker 3: Yeah, and your kid.

1122
00:47:33,320 --> 00:47:34,520
Speaker 1: I don't think you owe him anything.

1123
00:47:34,600 --> 00:47:36,359
Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't think so either. Yeah.

1124
00:47:36,400 --> 00:47:39,200
Speaker 9: Okay, that was the truth that I wanted.

1125
00:47:40,840 --> 00:47:41,240
Speaker 3: Perfect.

1126
00:47:41,680 --> 00:47:44,640
Speaker 2: Thanks Hannah, Bye, Hannah, thank you.

1127
00:47:45,400 --> 00:47:46,960
Speaker 1: All Right, Well we'll take a little quick break and

1128
00:47:47,000 --> 00:47:50,200
Speaker 1: we'll be right back with Madison and we'll wrap up.

1129
00:47:54,280 --> 00:47:55,160
Speaker 3: And we're back.

1130
00:47:55,680 --> 00:47:59,080
Speaker 1: Well, Madison writes in and she says, Dear Chelsea, my

1131
00:47:59,120 --> 00:48:01,000
Speaker 1: sister is three year years older than me, and we're

1132
00:48:01,040 --> 00:48:03,279
Speaker 1: super close. She's the person that knows me better than

1133
00:48:03,320 --> 00:48:05,520
Speaker 1: I know myself and that I'm most connected to in

1134
00:48:05,600 --> 00:48:08,520
Speaker 1: this world. However, I would label her as a quote

1135
00:48:08,600 --> 00:48:11,720
Speaker 1: highly sensitive person. Ever since we were little, she's always

1136
00:48:11,719 --> 00:48:15,440
Speaker 1: had a very big, strong, and times explosive emotions. This

1137
00:48:15,480 --> 00:48:19,200
Speaker 1: presents as nearly constant outward irritability to where most people

1138
00:48:19,239 --> 00:48:21,239
Speaker 1: in my life thinks she's a bitch, coupled with a

1139
00:48:21,280 --> 00:48:24,160
Speaker 1: fairly depressive outlook on herself and her life. I have

1140
00:48:24,280 --> 00:48:26,239
Speaker 1: learned to let things go and attribute a lot of

1141
00:48:26,239 --> 00:48:28,680
Speaker 1: her negative energy to her difficulty with dealing with her

1142
00:48:28,680 --> 00:48:31,760
Speaker 1: own emotions. However, I've also worked a lot to understand

1143
00:48:31,760 --> 00:48:34,440
Speaker 1: myself more, be more assertive with my wants and needs

1144
00:48:34,440 --> 00:48:37,359
Speaker 1: and set boundaries with others. My question is this, how

1145
00:48:37,360 --> 00:48:39,279
Speaker 1: can I start to be honest with my sister and

1146
00:48:39,320 --> 00:48:42,239
Speaker 1: about how her irritability and mood impact me when I'm

1147
00:48:42,280 --> 00:48:44,759
Speaker 1: so worried about hurting her feelings or sending her into

1148
00:48:44,760 --> 00:48:47,000
Speaker 1: a highly sensitive feelings spiral.

1149
00:48:47,440 --> 00:48:50,280
Speaker 3: Madison, Hi, Madison, I'm Madison.

1150
00:48:50,400 --> 00:48:51,040
Speaker 4: Guys.

1151
00:48:51,160 --> 00:48:53,600
Speaker 3: Hi, these are my sisters. There are special guests today.

1152
00:48:54,160 --> 00:48:56,120
Speaker 4: Oh what perfect guess for.

1153
00:48:56,239 --> 00:49:01,480
Speaker 2: I Ah, perfect guess for your situation? Well, I would say, Simon,

1154
00:49:01,600 --> 00:49:03,160
Speaker 2: do you want to start? I mean I would be

1155
00:49:03,160 --> 00:49:05,600
Speaker 2: the most irritable. I'm not the most sensitive, but I'm

1156
00:49:05,640 --> 00:49:07,200
Speaker 2: the most irritated.

1157
00:49:07,520 --> 00:49:10,279
Speaker 6: And I mean it is a tough situation because this

1158
00:49:10,360 --> 00:49:13,320
Speaker 6: is your sister. You said you're close, right.

1159
00:49:13,640 --> 00:49:15,680
Speaker 5: Yeah, And I can relate to that.

1160
00:49:15,719 --> 00:49:18,799
Speaker 6: I'm a little overly sensitive too, so to criticism, but

1161
00:49:18,880 --> 00:49:20,920
Speaker 6: I don't like spiral out of control.

1162
00:49:21,040 --> 00:49:23,960
Speaker 2: Usually you're not sensitive to criticism about your children. You're

1163
00:49:23,960 --> 00:49:27,880
Speaker 2: not sensitive to criticism about yourself. I mean, who's criticizing

1164
00:49:27,920 --> 00:49:29,960
Speaker 2: you for what? When do you get criticism?

1165
00:49:30,080 --> 00:49:31,520
Speaker 5: It's happened once or twice.

1166
00:49:31,760 --> 00:49:35,080
Speaker 6: Anyway, it's a sensitive area because I think you know

1167
00:49:35,360 --> 00:49:37,640
Speaker 6: you care about her, right. I mean, you're very close,

1168
00:49:37,719 --> 00:49:40,040
Speaker 6: you care about her, but I think at some point

1169
00:49:40,080 --> 00:49:42,359
Speaker 6: you kind of have to. It sounds like she needs

1170
00:49:42,440 --> 00:49:46,160
Speaker 6: to talk to someone else, like she needs some assistance

1171
00:49:46,360 --> 00:49:50,560
Speaker 6: in accessing her own emotions and understanding why she's so

1172
00:49:50,600 --> 00:49:53,120
Speaker 6: sensitive and why she spirals out of control like this,

1173
00:49:53,280 --> 00:49:54,279
Speaker 6: like this, this is.

1174
00:49:54,239 --> 00:49:54,840
Speaker 5: Bigger than you.

1175
00:49:54,920 --> 00:49:58,320
Speaker 6: I think she really actually would benefit from seeing a therapist.

1176
00:49:58,360 --> 00:50:02,239
Speaker 6: And I'm raising that is probably sensitive too, But if

1177
00:50:02,280 --> 00:50:05,160
Speaker 6: you're really thinking about her well being, I think you

1178
00:50:05,200 --> 00:50:07,799
Speaker 6: know you can broach it in more gentle ways and

1179
00:50:07,840 --> 00:50:10,439
Speaker 6: saying like, oh, you know, I don't know, something comes

1180
00:50:10,520 --> 00:50:13,680
Speaker 6: up and you Sometimes it's by analogy, Oh my friend

1181
00:50:13,719 --> 00:50:16,360
Speaker 6: is seeing a therapist and this is how it's working,

1182
00:50:16,520 --> 00:50:18,840
Speaker 6: or my friend has this issue. Sometimes, like you have

1183
00:50:18,880 --> 00:50:21,560
Speaker 6: to go about it a little sideways as opposed to directly,

1184
00:50:21,760 --> 00:50:24,600
Speaker 6: because it sounds like she is super sensitive when you

1185
00:50:24,880 --> 00:50:27,640
Speaker 6: if you are talking about her. But I really think

1186
00:50:27,680 --> 00:50:29,960
Speaker 6: the two of you can't manage this alone, like she

1187
00:50:30,080 --> 00:50:31,480
Speaker 6: needs some assistance.

1188
00:50:31,800 --> 00:50:33,920
Speaker 4: It might be fun to go together to therapy a

1189
00:50:33,960 --> 00:50:36,440
Speaker 4: few times, like with her and join her and you

1190
00:50:36,440 --> 00:50:39,840
Speaker 4: can bring up things and with that third party sometimes

1191
00:50:39,880 --> 00:50:42,560
Speaker 4: you know, that makes it easier because they can kind

1192
00:50:42,560 --> 00:50:45,640
Speaker 4: of navigate what you both are trying to say, and

1193
00:50:46,080 --> 00:50:48,120
Speaker 4: you know, help break it up where it's just not

1194
00:50:48,200 --> 00:50:50,400
Speaker 4: the two of you alone, but somebody to kind of

1195
00:50:50,440 --> 00:50:53,560
Speaker 4: help you navigate through what the other person is seeing

1196
00:50:53,600 --> 00:50:54,120
Speaker 4: and saying.

1197
00:50:54,520 --> 00:50:56,439
Speaker 3: Is that something that you could do? Do you think

1198
00:50:56,560 --> 00:50:58,719
Speaker 3: there's a possibility to go to therapy? Would you be

1199
00:50:58,719 --> 00:50:59,800
Speaker 3: open to that like together?

1200
00:51:00,440 --> 00:51:02,840
Speaker 9: I don't know if she'd be open to it together.

1201
00:51:03,120 --> 00:51:07,280
Speaker 10: I did try that once with her and my mom actually,

1202
00:51:07,320 --> 00:51:10,040
Speaker 10: because they have a kind of contentious relationship and I

1203
00:51:10,080 --> 00:51:11,359
Speaker 10: am like the peacemaker.

1204
00:51:11,400 --> 00:51:13,759
Speaker 9: I'm the middle man that can like interpret for both of.

1205
00:51:13,760 --> 00:51:16,319
Speaker 10: Them, and so I kind of was like, I'm over

1206
00:51:16,360 --> 00:51:17,719
Speaker 10: your guys as shit, and I'm not going to be

1207
00:51:17,760 --> 00:51:20,400
Speaker 10: around you unless we like go to therapy together because

1208
00:51:20,400 --> 00:51:24,320
Speaker 10: I can't do this. But that only went for one session,

1209
00:51:24,560 --> 00:51:29,960
Speaker 10: and my sister got really defensive, kind of like the

1210
00:51:29,960 --> 00:51:33,320
Speaker 10: therapist just talking to her about maybe some possible depression

1211
00:51:33,520 --> 00:51:36,799
Speaker 10: and that can explain some of the irritability and the sensitivity,

1212
00:51:37,640 --> 00:51:41,840
Speaker 10: and she just felt like the dynamic was getting pinned

1213
00:51:41,840 --> 00:51:45,000
Speaker 10: on her since we were both there. So I think

1214
00:51:45,080 --> 00:51:49,399
Speaker 10: maybe Astilla like suggesting a solo adventure for her might

1215
00:51:49,560 --> 00:51:51,040
Speaker 10: do better than me going with her.

1216
00:51:51,680 --> 00:51:53,279
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's good, that's good.

1217
00:51:53,400 --> 00:51:55,040
Speaker 2: And then I think then what you have to do

1218
00:51:55,120 --> 00:51:57,240
Speaker 2: is have a sit down and like a face to face,

1219
00:51:57,280 --> 00:51:59,560
Speaker 2: hard to heart with her and just be like, listen,

1220
00:52:00,120 --> 00:52:02,520
Speaker 2: I feel like I'm walking on eggshells a lot because

1221
00:52:02,560 --> 00:52:05,319
Speaker 2: I'm worried about how you're going to receive information. And

1222
00:52:05,600 --> 00:52:07,319
Speaker 2: I don't think you want me to feel that way,

1223
00:52:07,360 --> 00:52:09,120
Speaker 2: and I don't want to feel that way about you,

1224
00:52:09,160 --> 00:52:11,320
Speaker 2: Like you're the person I love the most. Like everything

1225
00:52:11,320 --> 00:52:14,359
Speaker 2: you said about her was very moving and touching. But

1226
00:52:14,520 --> 00:52:16,200
Speaker 2: you know, as a sister, I mean, if you're not

1227
00:52:16,239 --> 00:52:18,040
Speaker 2: going to tell her who the fuck is?

1228
00:52:18,800 --> 00:52:19,520
Speaker 5: Yeah?

1229
00:52:19,719 --> 00:52:23,320
Speaker 6: Yeah, And then like Chelsea has an always on her podcast,

1230
00:52:23,360 --> 00:52:24,680
Speaker 6: you know you have to come from a place of

1231
00:52:24,719 --> 00:52:27,520
Speaker 6: love and tell her this is because you care about her,

1232
00:52:27,600 --> 00:52:29,040
Speaker 6: this is because you love her, this is because she's

1233
00:52:29,080 --> 00:52:30,680
Speaker 6: a big part of your life, and that you want

1234
00:52:30,680 --> 00:52:32,680
Speaker 6: to see her happy and you want to see her

1235
00:52:32,680 --> 00:52:33,640
Speaker 6: evolve over time.

1236
00:52:33,680 --> 00:52:35,080
Speaker 5: And what you're.

1237
00:52:34,880 --> 00:52:37,920
Speaker 6: Seeing, she doesn't appear to be happy and content and

1238
00:52:38,280 --> 00:52:39,960
Speaker 6: be able to deal with some of these issues.

1239
00:52:40,280 --> 00:52:42,800
Speaker 5: And so if you're coming from that place, that's really valuable.

1240
00:52:43,040 --> 00:52:47,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, and she's in a highly irritable state that's not

1241
00:52:47,160 --> 00:52:49,640
Speaker 2: pleasant for her, so she really has to take a

1242
00:52:49,680 --> 00:52:50,200
Speaker 2: look at that.

1243
00:52:50,480 --> 00:52:51,040
Speaker 3: I've been there.

1244
00:52:51,120 --> 00:52:53,440
Speaker 2: I understand that you're not a happy person. When you're

1245
00:52:53,440 --> 00:52:56,439
Speaker 2: that highly irritated and everyone annoys you so much, there's

1246
00:52:56,440 --> 00:52:59,040
Speaker 2: something going on with you. It's a deeper issue and

1247
00:52:59,080 --> 00:53:01,600
Speaker 2: it doesn't have to be that Like people who are

1248
00:53:01,640 --> 00:53:04,560
Speaker 2: depressed or upset, they don't realize there's another way to live,

1249
00:53:04,800 --> 00:53:07,680
Speaker 2: Like you can actually choose to do the work and

1250
00:53:07,760 --> 00:53:10,720
Speaker 2: get to the other side and be a happier, more positive,

1251
00:53:10,719 --> 00:53:14,000
Speaker 2: optimistic person. But you know it's going to take time

1252
00:53:14,280 --> 00:53:16,120
Speaker 2: and you and you just have to commit to being

1253
00:53:16,120 --> 00:53:17,160
Speaker 2: there for her during it.

1254
00:53:17,600 --> 00:53:19,640
Speaker 10: How do you guys think you would phrase? Because I

1255
00:53:19,680 --> 00:53:23,520
Speaker 10: feel like I'm good at the taking care of her

1256
00:53:23,520 --> 00:53:27,080
Speaker 10: feelings part, but like so my boyfriend would be like,

1257
00:53:27,160 --> 00:53:29,279
Speaker 10: oh my gosh, like this is so crazy. You're like

1258
00:53:29,840 --> 00:53:32,200
Speaker 10: getting into her dynamic. You need to have like a

1259
00:53:32,239 --> 00:53:34,680
Speaker 10: life intervention with her and just tell her like no,

1260
00:53:35,120 --> 00:53:37,480
Speaker 10: like you need to go somewhere and get help, and

1261
00:53:37,520 --> 00:53:39,960
Speaker 10: like this is not sustainable. But I don't know how

1262
00:53:39,960 --> 00:53:43,759
Speaker 10: to like word the direct part to be like you

1263
00:53:43,840 --> 00:53:46,799
Speaker 10: need to. I mean, maybe it's just that plane you

1264
00:53:46,840 --> 00:53:48,560
Speaker 10: need to go get help or I don't know.

1265
00:53:49,120 --> 00:53:51,839
Speaker 2: I think you would say, listen, I love you more

1266
00:53:51,840 --> 00:53:54,920
Speaker 2: than anything, and I really feel like you could benefit

1267
00:53:54,960 --> 00:53:57,640
Speaker 2: from talking to someone as your sister. I know you

1268
00:53:57,719 --> 00:54:00,359
Speaker 2: better than anyone, and I know that you're not as

1269
00:54:00,400 --> 00:54:02,920
Speaker 2: happy as you can be, Like it's possible to be

1270
00:54:03,000 --> 00:54:06,880
Speaker 2: happier and through the like counseling. I can listen to

1271
00:54:06,880 --> 00:54:08,960
Speaker 2: you all you want, but I'm not like a professional,

1272
00:54:09,000 --> 00:54:12,080
Speaker 2: Like you need someone who can help you deal with

1273
00:54:12,120 --> 00:54:13,319
Speaker 2: all of these feelings.

1274
00:54:13,000 --> 00:54:13,360
Speaker 3: That you have.

1275
00:54:13,440 --> 00:54:15,680
Speaker 2: And then you can use some examples of like what

1276
00:54:15,719 --> 00:54:19,200
Speaker 2: you've seen about her that it isn't happy, that it

1277
00:54:19,320 --> 00:54:22,080
Speaker 2: is irritability, that it isn't you know that she is

1278
00:54:22,880 --> 00:54:24,799
Speaker 2: in a constant kind of state of agitation.

1279
00:54:25,320 --> 00:54:27,239
Speaker 6: Yeah, And I think it's important to say that you're

1280
00:54:27,280 --> 00:54:29,879
Speaker 6: always there for her. You're listening for her, but your

1281
00:54:29,920 --> 00:54:32,840
Speaker 6: skills only go so far. Like you can't solve her problems.

1282
00:54:32,880 --> 00:54:35,440
Speaker 6: You can be there for support and love and all that,

1283
00:54:35,480 --> 00:54:38,200
Speaker 6: but like it's not what she needs. She needs much

1284
00:54:38,280 --> 00:54:41,080
Speaker 6: more than that. She needs someone independent to to really

1285
00:54:41,080 --> 00:54:43,640
Speaker 6: help her work through these things. And so you're not

1286
00:54:43,680 --> 00:54:46,840
Speaker 6: taking away your support, you're not pulling away your lover support,

1287
00:54:47,320 --> 00:54:49,800
Speaker 6: but you're just saying like I've I've got my own limits,

1288
00:54:49,880 --> 00:54:51,759
Speaker 6: like I can only do so much for you.

1289
00:54:52,239 --> 00:54:55,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, and the defensiveness is just the example of why

1290
00:54:55,800 --> 00:54:57,520
Speaker 2: she needs to go to therapy. When you are that

1291
00:54:57,640 --> 00:55:00,680
Speaker 2: defensive about anything, Like when you can I can't hear

1292
00:55:00,880 --> 00:55:04,479
Speaker 2: any critique about yourself and think, oh, maybe that's something

1293
00:55:04,520 --> 00:55:07,520
Speaker 2: I could improve on, that's the definition of needing to

1294
00:55:07,560 --> 00:55:08,200
Speaker 2: go to therapy.

1295
00:55:08,520 --> 00:55:08,840
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1296
00:55:08,920 --> 00:55:12,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, in addition to all of this putting the onus

1297
00:55:12,200 --> 00:55:14,319
Speaker 1: like not you need to go to therapy because you're

1298
00:55:14,320 --> 00:55:16,360
Speaker 1: a bitch, but it is like the onus can be

1299
00:55:16,400 --> 00:55:18,880
Speaker 1: slightly outside of her, like it'll help you reduce this

1300
00:55:19,040 --> 00:55:21,840
Speaker 1: tension so that you can be happy. It'll help reduce

1301
00:55:21,880 --> 00:55:24,200
Speaker 1: your stress so you're not flying off the handle all

1302
00:55:24,239 --> 00:55:26,160
Speaker 1: the time. So you can kind of put the onus

1303
00:55:26,320 --> 00:55:28,960
Speaker 1: next door, and so it's not like you're just terrible

1304
00:55:28,960 --> 00:55:31,440
Speaker 1: to be around. It's like, no, you have these other stressors,

1305
00:55:31,640 --> 00:55:33,400
Speaker 1: you have these other things, like it can help you

1306
00:55:33,480 --> 00:55:34,440
Speaker 1: dissipate that stuff.

1307
00:55:34,560 --> 00:55:37,080
Speaker 10: So, yeah, that is a really good way to look

1308
00:55:37,120 --> 00:55:41,240
Speaker 10: at it, because, yeah, her life would only grow because

1309
00:55:41,719 --> 00:55:45,000
Speaker 10: the connection other people, Like I'm so used to her

1310
00:55:45,320 --> 00:55:49,279
Speaker 10: attitude and like what she's sensitive about so I can

1311
00:55:49,400 --> 00:55:52,399
Speaker 10: kind of not step on those landlines, or I can

1312
00:55:52,520 --> 00:55:55,040
Speaker 10: like very intuitively kind of feel her energy and know

1313
00:55:55,120 --> 00:55:56,160
Speaker 10: like how much is too much?

1314
00:55:56,160 --> 00:55:57,000
Speaker 5: You want to back off?

1315
00:55:57,600 --> 00:55:59,520
Speaker 10: But I think it does really get in the way

1316
00:55:59,520 --> 00:56:02,440
Speaker 10: of her and also being a bigger part of my

1317
00:56:02,520 --> 00:56:04,240
Speaker 10: life because other people in my life.

1318
00:56:04,080 --> 00:56:05,440
Speaker 9: Are having such a hard time with it.

1319
00:56:06,160 --> 00:56:09,319
Speaker 5: Yeah, oh, really impacting your friendships and.

1320
00:56:09,760 --> 00:56:12,319
Speaker 10: Like it doesn't impact their relationship with me, but like

1321
00:56:12,440 --> 00:56:15,680
Speaker 10: my partner, for example, he has a really hard time

1322
00:56:15,719 --> 00:56:16,279
Speaker 10: being in the.

1323
00:56:16,239 --> 00:56:18,120
Speaker 9: Same space as both of us because he's like.

1324
00:56:18,560 --> 00:56:20,719
Speaker 10: You don't want to like say anything, but he wants

1325
00:56:20,760 --> 00:56:22,560
Speaker 10: to like call her out every single time there's like

1326
00:56:22,600 --> 00:56:23,560
Speaker 10: something set under her.

1327
00:56:23,480 --> 00:56:24,840
Speaker 9: Breath or like an eye roller.

1328
00:56:25,040 --> 00:56:29,319
Speaker 2: Definitely, don't bring him into the conversation. Yeah, don't mention him,

1329
00:56:29,480 --> 00:56:31,839
Speaker 2: don't say anything about that, because that will only create

1330
00:56:31,960 --> 00:56:33,319
Speaker 2: more tension between the two of them.

1331
00:56:33,560 --> 00:56:36,719
Speaker 10: I agree, Yeah, but framing it is something yeah a

1332
00:56:36,719 --> 00:56:37,359
Speaker 10: little next year.

1333
00:56:37,480 --> 00:56:40,160
Speaker 2: So yeah, her circumstance is everything she's dealing with. It's like,

1334
00:56:40,200 --> 00:56:42,359
Speaker 2: it's not your fault. This is a lot to deal

1335
00:56:42,400 --> 00:56:45,319
Speaker 2: with whatever on her plate. We can help you with this,

1336
00:56:45,480 --> 00:56:47,160
Speaker 2: and I think you do need help with this. Kind

1337
00:56:47,200 --> 00:56:49,680
Speaker 2: of just like spoon feeding that idea to her a

1338
00:56:49,760 --> 00:56:52,920
Speaker 2: little bit more. But have confidence in your relationship with

1339
00:56:52,960 --> 00:56:55,040
Speaker 2: your sister, Like, you're not going to break up with

1340
00:56:55,080 --> 00:56:58,719
Speaker 2: your sister, So have confidence that you you have the

1341
00:56:58,760 --> 00:57:01,280
Speaker 2: ability to help her and that even if she's upset

1342
00:57:01,320 --> 00:57:03,839
Speaker 2: in the beginning, she's coming back, you know what I mean.

1343
00:57:04,600 --> 00:57:08,480
Speaker 10: Yeah, I think that is the hard thing to trust. Yeah,

1344
00:57:08,560 --> 00:57:12,000
Speaker 10: if you're avoidant conflicts like it just stresses me out.

1345
00:57:12,000 --> 00:57:13,319
Speaker 9: But you're right, there is.

1346
00:57:13,280 --> 00:57:15,719
Speaker 10: Not a world in which we're going to be separated

1347
00:57:15,880 --> 00:57:18,720
Speaker 10: for a long period of time, so really leaning into

1348
00:57:18,760 --> 00:57:19,560
Speaker 10: that feels.

1349
00:57:19,320 --> 00:57:22,760
Speaker 2: Right, and being avoidant doesn't solve anyone's problems. Ever, no

1350
00:57:22,800 --> 00:57:25,320
Speaker 2: one has ever solved a problem by avoiding it, so

1351
00:57:26,560 --> 00:57:27,880
Speaker 2: it's not a good strategy.

1352
00:57:28,480 --> 00:57:31,440
Speaker 9: Right. Well, thank you guys so much.

1353
00:57:31,600 --> 00:57:34,680
Speaker 2: You're welcome. You're welcome, cutie. Good luck with everything. I'm

1354
00:57:34,680 --> 00:57:36,600
Speaker 2: sure everything will work out fine. It might be a

1355
00:57:36,640 --> 00:57:38,040
Speaker 2: little bumpy, but it will work out.

1356
00:57:38,320 --> 00:57:39,960
Speaker 9: Thank you guys. Have a good one.

1357
00:57:40,200 --> 00:57:41,480
Speaker 3: Bye bye.

1358
00:57:41,840 --> 00:57:44,280
Speaker 2: You have to look at that as a long term plan, right,

1359
00:57:44,480 --> 00:57:45,720
Speaker 2: not a short term solution.

1360
00:57:46,400 --> 00:57:48,280
Speaker 1: She's got to be able to be around her sister's

1361
00:57:48,320 --> 00:57:48,880
Speaker 1: partner in that.

1362
00:57:49,000 --> 00:57:49,720
Speaker 3: It's so tension.

1363
00:57:49,800 --> 00:57:51,920
Speaker 2: But it's so it's so unfair when you're with someone

1364
00:57:52,040 --> 00:57:53,800
Speaker 2: and then they don't get along with your sister, Like,

1365
00:57:53,840 --> 00:57:55,320
Speaker 2: that's so unfair for everyone.

1366
00:57:55,520 --> 00:57:55,880
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1367
00:57:55,920 --> 00:57:56,960
Speaker 5: I mean, she's a good sister.

1368
00:57:57,080 --> 00:57:59,080
Speaker 6: She's being loyal and she's doing the right thing. But

1369
00:57:59,360 --> 00:58:01,600
Speaker 6: you can't let people go on like that in life

1370
00:58:01,640 --> 00:58:04,080
Speaker 6: because it's just you're not doing them any favors.

1371
00:58:04,120 --> 00:58:06,080
Speaker 5: Everybody's walking on eggshells. That's awful.

1372
00:58:06,400 --> 00:58:09,200
Speaker 2: Okay, bitches, Well, thanks for all of your advice today.

1373
00:58:09,280 --> 00:58:11,200
Speaker 2: Our episode has wrapped up.

1374
00:58:11,640 --> 00:58:15,720
Speaker 3: Shoshana. I am physically nauseous from all the movement.

1375
00:58:16,200 --> 00:58:19,800
Speaker 2: From watching me out walk through your house fifteen times

1376
00:58:19,840 --> 00:58:20,880
Speaker 2: with a computer in the head.

1377
00:58:21,800 --> 00:58:23,760
Speaker 4: I am on the move to try to stay connected.

1378
00:58:23,800 --> 00:58:24,760
Speaker 4: I apologize.

1379
00:58:24,920 --> 00:58:26,920
Speaker 2: Okay, Well, we might want to get you a booster

1380
00:58:27,080 --> 00:58:28,960
Speaker 2: for your house, so we'll.

1381
00:58:28,760 --> 00:58:34,280
Speaker 3: Get on that right away. Love you girls, miss you, see.

1382
00:58:34,040 --> 00:58:35,280
Speaker 5: You, love you.

1383
00:58:35,520 --> 00:58:42,240
Speaker 3: Bye bye, peace out, bye bye. Okay.

1384
00:58:42,280 --> 00:58:45,200
Speaker 2: So upcoming shows that I have you guys, I'm coming

1385
00:58:45,240 --> 00:58:48,480
Speaker 2: to Niagara Falls on July twenty seventh. I'm coming to Hollywood,

1386
00:58:48,480 --> 00:58:52,040
Speaker 2: Florida for my only show in Florida on July twenty eighth.

1387
00:58:52,120 --> 00:58:54,680
Speaker 2: I'll be in Auburn, Washington, on August first, and then

1388
00:58:54,760 --> 00:58:58,680
Speaker 2: Santa Rosa, California for my second show August second. August

1389
00:58:58,760 --> 00:59:01,280
Speaker 2: seventeenth is the Santa Barbara Bull. You do not want

1390
00:59:01,280 --> 00:59:05,600
Speaker 2: to miss that. And then I will be all over Maine, Charlotte,

1391
00:59:05,600 --> 00:59:08,680
Speaker 2: North Carolina, Charleston, South Carolina.

1392
00:59:08,800 --> 00:59:11,560
Speaker 3: I'm coming to Texas. I'm coming to Saint Louis in Kansas.

1393
00:59:11,280 --> 00:59:14,520
Speaker 2: City, and then I will be in Las Vegas performing

1394
00:59:14,720 --> 00:59:18,080
Speaker 2: at the Chelsea Theater inside the Cosmopolitan Hotel. My first

1395
00:59:18,080 --> 00:59:21,360
Speaker 2: three dates in Vegas are September first, Labor Day weekend,

1396
00:59:21,440 --> 00:59:25,560
Speaker 2: and then November two and November thirtieth. I'm coming to Brooklyn,

1397
00:59:25,600 --> 00:59:29,840
Speaker 2: New York, at the King's Theater on November eighth, and

1398
00:59:29,960 --> 00:59:32,880
Speaker 2: I have tickets on sale throughout the end of the

1399
00:59:33,000 --> 00:59:36,480
Speaker 2: year in December, so if you're in a city like

1400
00:59:36,600 --> 00:59:41,320
Speaker 2: Philadelphia or Bethlehem or San Diego or New Orleans or Omaha,

1401
00:59:41,880 --> 00:59:43,600
Speaker 2: check Chelsea handler dot com for tickets.

1402
00:59:43,800 --> 00:59:46,600
Speaker 1: Okay, if you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an

1403
00:59:46,600 --> 00:59:49,720
Speaker 1: email at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and

1404
00:59:49,720 --> 00:59:52,480
Speaker 1: be sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is

1405
00:59:52,600 --> 00:59:56,200
Speaker 1: edited and engineered by Brad Dickert Executive producer Catherine Law,

1406
00:59:56,480 --> 00:59:58,800
Speaker 1: and be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler

1407
00:59:58,840 --> 01:00:01,640
Speaker 1: dot com