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Speaker 1: The Laundronots is a production of I Heart Radio. This

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Speaker 1: is what we remember. Remember is what it sounded like.

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Speaker 1: What we couldn't hear, we made up. The rest of

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Speaker 1: it is true. What about they say, And the scritor says, well,

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Speaker 1: I can clearly see your nuts because the hell is weak.

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Speaker 1: Good tithings and tithings to you and more. They're superior, ma'am.

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Speaker 1: Children keep making them as with you, don't, he was,

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Speaker 1: how do wefer children? I found something, sir? Where in

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Speaker 1: his dream? Something? He found a thing? An object? Did

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Speaker 1: you retrieve it? Of course? Wait, it was a dream.

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Speaker 1: You can't retrieve an object from a dream. Maybe you

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Speaker 1: listen to nothing I've been telling you, child, I did

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Speaker 1: find something, sir. Well, you've got anybody who knows, here's

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Speaker 1: only me dang ring. I found a book, sir, A book,

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Speaker 1: a gideatic book, er than me, order than you, as

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Speaker 1: big as a building, sir. At first I thought it

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Speaker 1: was just a building along the road, and I almost

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Speaker 1: walked by it in my dream. But then I noticed,

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Speaker 1: like you said, sir, I noticed a namorration. I trained

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Speaker 1: him all week. Well done, since hey, I noticed the

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Speaker 1: building didn't have any windows. It had pages. I shouted,

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Speaker 1: buildings don't have pages. Everything got brighter and sharper, and

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Speaker 1: I was looking at a Jane book rested flat on

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Speaker 1: its side. So I started climbing so many pages I

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Speaker 1: thought I would never answer. Luckily, there are many bookmarks

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Speaker 1: and sticky notes and dog gears for hand and footholds.

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Speaker 1: Then I was standing on the cover. It was like

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Speaker 1: being on one of those beautiful maces you see on

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Speaker 1: the front of a Zane Gray Western paperback. Sir, under

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Speaker 1: my feet were these huge letters stretching out right and left.

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Speaker 1: I had to walk back and forth across the summit

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Speaker 1: three times be where I could figure out what they

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Speaker 1: finally spelled her, and they spelled Anti disastonishment. Terry isnyasmia

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Speaker 1: nightly like you likeular list. Excuse me Anti his astonishment?

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Speaker 1: Terryan isasmia night and like you likecular list? Could you

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Speaker 1: repeat that just one more time? Anti? This astonishment here

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Speaker 1: isn't ask me a nice letts consider your London or

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Speaker 1: challenge some mounted young man poray. But what does it mean?

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Speaker 1: Is it culture? Far from it, Captain. The word is

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Speaker 1: neither derived nor concocted. It means exactly what it says

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Speaker 1: that says exactly what it means. I'm confused. Did you

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Speaker 1: perchance get the author's name, my intrepid interloper, I did, sir,

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Speaker 1: Or at least it's how initials near the spine B

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Speaker 1: F K. Benjamin Franklin, Kingman, Rhino himself, the house all

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Speaker 1: in its own time and proper order. Children, For it

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Speaker 1: is here as promised, or at least foreshadowed, that we

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Speaker 1: pivot and depress the pause button, children, returning us to

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Speaker 1: the London article of Johnica's Heronicle of Fleet a k A.

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Speaker 1: The Tumor proper come in a quixotically quotidian cross stitch

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Speaker 1: beyond the pale of past of future comparis, you might

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Speaker 1: recall Charlie and Hoodwink had managed to overcome the many

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Speaker 1: challenges of Charlie's own vacuous psyche when their way through

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Speaker 1: his dream world and make contact with Jonka in absentia Charlie,

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Speaker 1: But in doing so they had left Jonica fully exposed

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Speaker 1: to the scrutiny of j G in the sucklings in

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Speaker 1: the attic like thrown room of the city of What

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Speaker 1: the are you talking to, Jonica? Nobody? Liar, liar, pants

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Speaker 1: on fire, Jonica thought about lying again, about smoothing it

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Speaker 1: all over, about receding to the background like mother Lafita

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Speaker 1: taught her, Sorry, I'm talking to Charlie. Instead, she told

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Speaker 1: the truth. My great granny Manny had told her he's here. No,

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Speaker 1: where is he? I don't know. Can't he hear me? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: I can hear. Yes, he can't hear you. Good? And

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Speaker 1: hear this, Charlie, I'm saving you for last good? What

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Speaker 1: did he say? Jonica hesitated, tone again between naughty and nice.

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Speaker 1: He said he's sorry. I did not apology, not accepted.

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Speaker 1: Just tell him I'm gonna make it straw. Everybody stop yelling.

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Speaker 1: He didn't apologize. I lied, and I won't be doing

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Speaker 1: it again. Charlie said he'd be waiting for you, g D.

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Speaker 1: He's looking forward to it. Understand good so much, Charlie,

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Speaker 1: When did you get so angry? G D's always been

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Speaker 1: this angry. I just couldn't back it up until now.

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Speaker 1: Unlike you, though, whom you never seem to get too flustered.

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Speaker 1: I get flustered plenty. You're more of a healer, aren't you, Johonnica,

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Speaker 1: a benign deity. Maybe you see where this hood wink

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Speaker 1: sent you after me. Now, Johnica, he didn't send me

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Speaker 1: after you. It was an accident. He wants you to

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Speaker 1: usurp me. I don't know what that moves. What have

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Speaker 1: you discovered your heart was the source of the sickness,

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Speaker 1: That it was you who was rotten to the core,

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Speaker 1: not them all together now a happy homemaker. How do

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Speaker 1: you know about that? I can hear you, Johnica in

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Speaker 1: my dreams. You can hear all of you get through

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Speaker 1: the heart of obsessial Jonica, getting to take you to

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Speaker 1: the heart. We'll meet you there, Jonnica, stood, take me

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Speaker 1: to the heart of absentia. And then what you said,

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Speaker 1: the heart of absentia sick? You said, I'm a healer

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Speaker 1: an Maybe that's fine here, so let's go healing. What

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Speaker 1: good will that do? Afterwards? I will return your shades

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Speaker 1: and new ones. It will be our bond of trust.

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Speaker 1: Once you've seen that I'm not here to usurp you,

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Speaker 1: that I'm here to help, then maybe you'll come back

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Speaker 1: with me. Mctree and splut Russell danger j d R.

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Speaker 1: Then what about these two? They will be joining us

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Speaker 1: as my protectors, along with someone I here choosing. If

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Speaker 1: you wish, just so you don't feel outnumbered. I don't

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Speaker 1: have someone else, true, M make you an honorary launch

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Speaker 1: or not. But membership comes with a price, and what

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Speaker 1: might that be? Trust? Jonica offered her hand. Don't we

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Speaker 1: need an oath? Jonica thought hard for a moment, then

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Speaker 1: pulled her hand back. Yes, I suppose we do, well,

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Speaker 1: I have one. Really, you just happen to have a

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Speaker 1: spare oath, handy. I made it up when I was little,

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Speaker 1: well little learn it's kind of silly. Let's here a

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Speaker 1: begotten all crap, so forgotten the bet and cotton has

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Speaker 1: gotten rotten. J d had mentioned the silly, but he

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Speaker 1: hadn't fully prepared Jannica for the during jocularity that was

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Speaker 1: now just like her job. It's not that funny. It's

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Speaker 1: a silly rhyme. I want to not quite so silly, though,

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Speaker 1: it's magical. How do you let me show you? He

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Speaker 1: reached for her knapsack. Jonica pulled back the suckling rusco.

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Speaker 1: Then you do it, he folded his arms. Jonica glanced

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Speaker 1: at the Suckling's no harm in trying. I guess they're

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Speaker 1: just words, right, words never hurt anybody? How does it

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Speaker 1: go again? A begotten allt so forgotten the bet and

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Speaker 1: cotton has gotten rotten. It's not that bunny. Sorry, you'll

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Speaker 1: need the shades of new ones. Jonica slipped the shades

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Speaker 1: out of her sec j D glared at her, had

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Speaker 1: them the whole time. Jonica placed the shades on her

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Speaker 1: nose and took a long, deep breath. Forgotten of grotten,

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Speaker 1: so forgotten that bisotten cotton has gotten rotten. That was

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Speaker 1: excellent elocution, couma. Jonica felt a tingle run from her

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Speaker 1: corsairs to her nose hairs. The throne room of the

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Speaker 1: city of what the dissolved like what takes dust in?

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Speaker 1: The colors bled away and behind it was a vast

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Speaker 1: expense of absolute nothingness. What happened? Where are we? Jonica

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Speaker 1: searched for point of reference, solid ground, anything, There was none.

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Speaker 1: Jendy grinned. Still want to make me a laundron? Not

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Speaker 1: this is the heart of absentia. Yes, j D offered

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Speaker 1: his hands. Jonica shook his hand. She turned slowly, trying

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Speaker 1: to figure out whether she was floating or being held

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Speaker 1: tightly by the absence. How did you find out this

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Speaker 1: was the heart? Because after Charlie Evans shoved me into

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Speaker 1: that machine. After you and your laundron not stood by,

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Speaker 1: and your laundronot still for now, after you and our

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Speaker 1: laundronots stood by and did nothing to help, I ended

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Speaker 1: up here. It was like this then nothing no one.

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Speaker 1: I was alone, nobody to talk to, nowhere to go.

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Speaker 1: For years, decades, I started to feel stretched, pulled apart,

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Speaker 1: like taffy and boiling water. I thought I was going crazy.

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Speaker 1: I began reciting a rhyme I made up as a

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Speaker 1: little boy, something that gave me solace in my worst times.

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Speaker 1: And when I spoke, Absentia responded with harmony. The notes

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Speaker 1: were like seeds on the wind. They took root and grew.

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Speaker 1: I watched Assentia become animate, watched this world I imagined

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Speaker 1: become four from music, my music born from soul. Soul

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Speaker 1: who was no crowd, no sky, no soul, no I,

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Speaker 1: no no no way, no f no no heights, no free,

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Speaker 1: no light, no empathy, just me, a see of a typathy.

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Speaker 1: He ain't cry youry, no big binkle. That's my story.

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Speaker 1: No care, no father, no there, no mother, no birth,

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Speaker 1: no duty, no birth, no beauty, no fuss, no no lust,

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Speaker 1: no we just me in a sea of a typathy

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Speaker 1: with the socks and the just and the heat, and

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Speaker 1: the bunckets and the boys, and the pens and the

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Speaker 1: butters and the pens and the things, and think anything, anything.

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Speaker 1: It was whirling all around me. Just spend it, heat,

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Speaker 1: animals shine upbended by an invitation from the seat of

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Speaker 1: a t me. Now'll be gotten all Crotton so for gotten. No,

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Speaker 1: he's uncut and the sea of agility, and spoke to

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Speaker 1: me in LG what the matter of must rooms? You're

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Speaker 1: the god on garlic. I was born to buging, So

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Speaker 1: let's get started original. He ain't riory. That's a story.

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Speaker 1: He ain't riory. Lovely bang, that's a story. J D

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Speaker 1: turned back to Jessica. With what eyes? He wiped it clean?

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Speaker 1: That's how I found out. Jonica removed the shades of

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Speaker 1: new I wiped her own with eyes. That was the

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Speaker 1: voice from earlier. How did you? Who did he let

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Speaker 1: me show you? He reached for the shades. Jonica pulled

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Speaker 1: back a treaty and spread by her side. Instantly, I

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Speaker 1: fulfilled my end of the bargain. We still have to

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Speaker 1: heal the heart. J D folded his arms defiantly. Fine,

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Speaker 1: haven't puma? Jonica looked around. What do you mean sing sing?

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Speaker 1: You're no happy homemaker, Johnnica. You're a stone called domestic

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Speaker 1: goddess in disguise, waiting to take us all by complete surprise.

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Speaker 1: Isn't that right? Maybe then? See? Jonica glanced at the suckling.

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Speaker 1: What about them? They'll be fine. They were here before us,

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Speaker 1: they'll be hereafter. Really, they weren't always like this? What

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Speaker 1: were they like? Nothing? I made them something, then they

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Speaker 1: became something else. J D shook his head ruefully. I'm sorry,

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Speaker 1: the tweeting. The suckling turned away. What did he do?

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Speaker 1: Jonica touched his shoulder gently. He shrugged her off violently.

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Speaker 1: It doesn't matter, now, does it, Jonica. What's done, it's done,

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Speaker 1: and once it's done, it can't be undone. That's not true.

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Speaker 1: I'm here here anywhere. It's done something you know, oh

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Speaker 1: so well, Jaunty colver on a color wait, clean of

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Speaker 1: the sidelines, guardian of the unengaged, mistress of the miss

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Speaker 1: maturity now seeing or send me back to my prison.

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Speaker 1: Jonica felt the waves of unease crashed again. She could

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Speaker 1: hear Mother Lafitte calling her back Granny Manny's cackle calling

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Speaker 1: her onward. She glanced at the sucklings. They nodded excitedly.

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Speaker 1: She looked at the shade. You won't need those not here.

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Speaker 1: She tucked them in her knapsack. Charlie, are you still there? Yes,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna try something. What? No, do not try something?

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Speaker 1: The post and get to the key or send the signal.

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Speaker 1: They'll pull you through a be ready. Why do you say,

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Speaker 1: go to the heart told me to. I think he's

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Speaker 1: there with you. Yes, more saved by stroke counsel Johnny,

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Speaker 1: Why didn't you tell me, Charlie, No, wind, don't believe

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Speaker 1: a word he says Johonnica closed her eyes, took a

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Speaker 1: deep breath, bowed to the now, and sang homegrown, mon shone,

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Speaker 1: blown zones, don't telephone, bones a toombs and fair amon

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Speaker 1: so long, Oh God, the spine, Say you got the spine?

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Speaker 1: Say God, the spine? You got the spine? What's a

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Speaker 1: little girl facing? What's your face? And the hats? Whence

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Speaker 1: sugar and spicy loves all that says for niceness, logos,

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Speaker 1: the nices, I'm silman, that's the sinnamon. Can I begin again?

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Speaker 1: Can I begin again? What's a little girl facing? What's

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Speaker 1: your place in the When? Should bessy with my snips?

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Speaker 1: Long as the vices? I mean this sin? Can I

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Speaker 1: begin again? Can I begin again? Color cascaded out of Jessica,

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Speaker 1: filling the nothingness. Gold Dust sprinkle out of air. That's

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Speaker 1: about you. The mountain fountains erupted from my mouth, filling

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Speaker 1: the land with crystal clear lakes and rivers. A streak

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Speaker 1: of cobalt blue exploded from the water into the empty sky,

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Speaker 1: spreading like dark clouds popped out of the blue and

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Speaker 1: speckled the heavens with white. Jonica smiled, and a smile

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Speaker 1: exploded from her face, like a supernova, embedding itself in

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Speaker 1: the sky, becoming a new blazing sun. In that moment,

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Speaker 1: the warmth of Absentia increased a hundredfold, now lit from

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Speaker 1: above and below. Castlest the mother of the water, sister side,

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Speaker 1: the shaker of the salt. You're the baker of the

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Speaker 1: coser man, you are mister plan, You're sen am. There

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Speaker 1: is no saying alone always begin again. You can't always

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Speaker 1: begin again. Cares those stay in your doing even when

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Speaker 1: you whinny, you're speaking again. Set to fight, you say

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Speaker 1: waking back sid you're can I begin again? Wait? Wait,

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Speaker 1: I can do a better one. Let me just catch

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Speaker 1: my well hued Jonica spun. Gone was the wheezing, chocolate,

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Speaker 1: foul smelling, the launge of wet blankets and tangled whiskers,

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Speaker 1: and instead was an iron spined man in a golden robe,

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Speaker 1: a cavernous cowl pulled down low over his face. Do

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Speaker 1: you like anyone so inspired by you? Of course? Why

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Speaker 1: are you doing here? He bowed at your invitation? Why hoodwink?

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Speaker 1: I presume Hoodwink turned and bowed to j D. At

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Speaker 1: your service, my master. The sucklings rose menacingly. J D

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Speaker 1: stood and pulled out his watch. What did they do?

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Speaker 1: Exactly what I wanted you to do? Charlie? Are you there, Charlie?

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Speaker 1: Charlie has served his purpose dutifully to hear you are

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Speaker 1: now alone? Who are you? We're spilt? What do you

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Speaker 1: want from me, Charlie? Please? Please? So many questions, so

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Speaker 1: little desire to answer. The suckling surroundered him like a contempt.

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Speaker 1: J D moved in closer, spinning the watch. Hoodwink remains still,

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Speaker 1: thank you, my DearS. This new sun is making things

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Speaker 1: a little close look at you, cool, coming into your

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Speaker 1: own I see as I'm this is what you wanted.

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Speaker 1: I enjoy seeing people revel in their true potention. Give

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Speaker 1: me my shades, Jennica, No, you're going to need my help.

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Speaker 1: No so much agitation. This man is dangerous. The suckling

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Speaker 1: sitened around Hoodwink j D's Wunna watch faster and faster,

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Speaker 1: rings of mustard yellow mist gathering. Jessica whipped out the

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Speaker 1: carrots like six shooters. Everyone shut it. Amazingly, everyone did.

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Speaker 1: The suckling's folded into protecting pillars on either side of Hoodwink.

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Speaker 1: J D returned the watch to his pocket and slowly

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Speaker 1: sank into a sitting position. Hoodwink was the last to comply,

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Speaker 1: melting completely into his cloak, leaving only his cowl standing

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Speaker 1: like a small, shadowy cave. I didn't mean to interrupt,

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Speaker 1: especially since you've been discussing my favorites object me. You

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Speaker 1: are kind of creepy. I prefer eccentric. Why are you

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Speaker 1: trying to thwart me towart you. I'm trying to help you, master.

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Speaker 1: Why do you keep calling me master? I don't know you?

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Speaker 1: Do I you tell me? J D stared intensely at

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Speaker 1: the cowl. No, no, well, I expect you won't forget

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Speaker 1: me this time, my master. What happened to Charlotte? I'm

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Speaker 1: sure he's still sleeping soundly in his little colt were

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Speaker 1: slurred safe. The sucklings rustled. I'm here to make everyone whole.

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Speaker 1: And why all the theatrics? They were necessary? Master, I

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Speaker 1: was stuck. Charlie was simply a necessary can't do it?

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Speaker 1: It was imperative. The puma go next. Why only she

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Speaker 1: could open a new door. Only she could do this,

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Speaker 1: He gestured to the glittering new world of absentio surrounding them.

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Speaker 1: This is temporary. J D pull out his watch again.

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Speaker 1: The sucklings rustled. Hoodwink grinned derisively. You hope, my master.

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Speaker 1: J D clicked over the watch. A plume of yellow

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Speaker 1: mist rose off the glass idle. J D blew the mist,

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Speaker 1: and it rushed at Hoodwink like a swarm of bees.

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Speaker 1: Hoodwink simply sneezed, and the mist was instantly dispersed. The conundrum.

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Speaker 1: I see you have your watch, but without the full ensemble,

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Speaker 1: you are not quite so dominating, are you, my master?

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Speaker 1: What are you guys talking about? What is it. You

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Speaker 1: think you know many things that you don't. I know

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Speaker 1: that Benny could never do what needs to be done. Master.

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Speaker 1: His powers are of a more rudimentary nature, which is

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Speaker 1: why I took it upon myself to invite the puma

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Speaker 1: to the party. She is your savior. She is my savior,

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Speaker 1: only she cannot tell you from the clutches of absentia.

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Speaker 1: I simply ask everyone to trust me. Never not gonna happen.

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Speaker 1: Then I shall have to resort to more assertive measures.

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Speaker 1: Your majesty, heard Wing turned to MC tweety. Just on

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Speaker 1: the puma or you will never see your beloved splurt again.

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Speaker 1: Tweety turned furiously to Johaica. Jonathan brandished the carrots. Hey,

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Speaker 1: hold on a second, I helped you spot your friends

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Speaker 1: with treaty. Unschooled by the less of coiling around Jonathan

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Speaker 1: pinning her arms against her body, the pens instantly dropped

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Speaker 1: to the ground. Thank you for heeding my advice, Jonica,

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Speaker 1: the yummy carrots. The pens were sucked into his cow scratch.

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Speaker 1: The suckling coil defied careful splot Sprang snatched the shades

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Speaker 1: from Jonica's knapsack. It bounded off MC Tweedie's head ricocheted

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Speaker 1: off Hoodwing's cowl and landed in front of j D.

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Speaker 1: Glasses at the ready thank you. J D placed the

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Speaker 1: shades on his face and it blinked. Jonica's world was

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Speaker 1: gone in an instant. In its place with sledges, absentia,

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Speaker 1: suck Mountain, the ominous forest, the rainbow striped plane, j

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Speaker 1: D breeding and transformed the Baptist. He turned menacingly to

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Speaker 1: hoodwin Now, let's see who you really are. Sludger's giant

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Speaker 1: foot slammed down on the hoodwinks, cow and cloak, but

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Speaker 1: the garment was empty. Hoodwink had vanished. Sludge sniffed interesting.

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Speaker 1: He turned and glared at the sucklings, his eyes fizzling

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Speaker 1: and smoldering like downed power lines and the rays. The

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Speaker 1: socks folded into pajamas under his deathly gaze. Your insurrection

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Speaker 1: will not be forgotten, worms, Your punishment will color at time,

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Speaker 1: and voice of my choosing, don't ever forget that. He

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Speaker 1: raised his arms dramatically, and the dark forms of the

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Speaker 1: grubby ramblers slithered out of every whole cave and crevice

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Speaker 1: in the area. They fused us one and rose high

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Speaker 1: above Jonaka and the two sucklings take the flower despond up.

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Speaker 1: The gromblers turned quizzically. What I decided to call my

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Speaker 1: house the slower fog. Now take her to the slow

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Speaker 1: rumblers nodded and quickly closed around Jonica like a glove

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Speaker 1: z kline. I just helped you, bunny. How our allies

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Speaker 1: become enemies with our enemies become allies, And the name

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Speaker 1: is sludge. Sludge sneezed and vanished, leaving a whole of

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Speaker 1: absence in his wake. The whole quickly refilled with color.

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Speaker 1: But Tweedy lifted Jonica and blended her on his shoulder,

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Speaker 1: and they were off splots, galloping the side. The rumblers

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Speaker 1: close behind like a wake of ducks. N the luck

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Speaker 1: is the earl of hills. We scoot. Oh, come on

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Speaker 1: an evening, ladies. Your garments appear deemed and rejuvenated. What

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Speaker 1: you wished? I cannot say the same for myself. Cap

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Speaker 1: We'll continue in our children until then you have yours.

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Speaker 1: Auntie's going to be moving you with us, sir, What

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Speaker 1: why on earth would you do such a thing if

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Speaker 1: my daddy doesn't come back? Oh nonsense, my dear don't fit.

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Speaker 1: He'll be back before you. How do you know that?

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Speaker 1: I don't Well, I do know is that your next

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Speaker 1: london not task is thus, bring joy to the joyless.

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Speaker 1: Doesn't matter whom, doesn't matter. How you must provoke joy

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Speaker 1: in the joyless, and yours be able to prove it.

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Speaker 1: That's impossible, sir. How do you prove joy? That is

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Speaker 1: for you to ascitate? London Notts learned to think for

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Speaker 1: themselves children. Yes, we were stronger as a whole, but

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Speaker 1: we provided ourselves well, knowing how to improvise when individual

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Speaker 1: challenges are round. If you wish to be a launde

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Speaker 1: or not, you will find a way a very little one.

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Speaker 1: Oh he's no. I would never ask anything of you.

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Speaker 1: I would not ask of myself. So keep the joy clothed, stittlings,

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Speaker 1: God that protected, feed it and spread it like wildfire.

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Speaker 1: I think angry on this funny hair likes you jealous?

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Speaker 1: M hmmm. The Laundron of Us a potentially untrue tale

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Speaker 1: based on actual events, conceived, written and directed by Colin

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Speaker 1: Mackenzie Mitchell. Original music, sound design and editing by Dave McKeever.

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Speaker 1: Produced by Monica Michluss and Dave McKeever. Script supervision and

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Speaker 1: editorial assistance by Christina Bryant, Casting by Mary Claire Sweeters.

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Speaker 1: Executive producers John Cameron, Mitchell, ed Asner and Collin McKenzie Mitchell.

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Speaker 1: Starring in order of appearance, Isaac Robinson Smith as the Man,

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Speaker 1: Alison Fraser as the Woman, Madam Russia and Great Granny

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Speaker 1: Manny ed Asner as the Narrator, Max Mitchell as the Brother,

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Speaker 1: Evan Toak as the Sister, Kate Prendigast as Mother Lafleete,

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Speaker 1: Corey Krueger as j d and Sludge Blue Girl, Sarasino

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Speaker 1: as Jonica, Noah Bentley as Charlie On, Cameron Mitchell as

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Speaker 1: of Centia, Stephen Kieran as Hood Drink. The Laundronauts is

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Speaker 1: a collaboration between I Heart Media and Little Brother Sam Productions.

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Speaker 1: Oh For more podcasts from I heart Radio, visit the

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Speaker 1: i heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get

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Speaker 1: your podcasts. The Laundronauts is a production of I Heart

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Speaker 1: Radio