Speaker 1: Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of iHeartRadio. Good Morning,
Speaker 1: This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast. Today's
Speaker 1: tip is to not wait to apologize. If you may
Speaker 1: have caused someone inconvenience or hurt them in some way,
Speaker 1: apologizing right away can make the experience less painful for everyone.
Speaker 1: So I recently said something to someone that one minute
Speaker 1: later I realized could be badly misinterpreted. My first thought
Speaker 1: was that maybe I should just pretend it didn't happen.
Speaker 1: Maybe the other person didn't hear me, or you always
Speaker 1: hope that if there's a nice way to interpret something
Speaker 1: and a bad way to interpret something, people will give
Speaker 1: you the benefit of the doubt. However, I decided we
Speaker 1: were both going to feel very awkward if the bad
Speaker 1: interpretation prevailed. So I apologized and noted that I meant
Speaker 1: the other thing, and the person laughed and everything felt
Speaker 1: a lot more clear. Upon reflection, I realized that my
Speaker 1: first instinct had been wrong, and apologizing was the right approach.
Speaker 1: Sometimes when we fear we might have hurt or irritated someone,
Speaker 1: we figure we should wait and see whether they're really
Speaker 1: upset before acknowledging what we've done. And how they might feel.
Speaker 1: And I guess this does make sense in a way.
Speaker 1: Why rock the boat if what we did or said
Speaker 1: didn't bother them, We don't want to make it worse
Speaker 1: by bringing it up. But I doubt many of us
Speaker 1: have ever been upset by someone apologizing for something that
Speaker 1: you didn't think was a big deal. If someone apologizes
Speaker 1: and it wasn't an issue for you, you just say
Speaker 1: something like no worries and you both move on, so
Speaker 1: there's little downside. And if you did hurt someone, people
Speaker 1: tend to be less hurt and more gracious when an
Speaker 1: apology comes immediately, as in, wow, that came out all wrong,
Speaker 1: or I realized that sounded ungracious and that was not
Speaker 1: my intention, because I'm very thankful that you did X, Y,
Speaker 1: and Z or whatever makes sense in your situation. Something
Speaker 1: that could have become a real source of irritation often
Speaker 1: ends up feeling minor you and they forget about it.
Speaker 1: So you aren't gaining anything by not apologizing right away.
Speaker 1: By taking responsibility, you open up the possibility of the
Speaker 1: relationship continuing or maybe even coming out stronger than before.
Speaker 1: So unless you actually intended to hurt the person apologizing
Speaker 1: quickly leaves everyone much better off now. Of course, there
Speaker 1: is a caveat to this. Some people, and I will
Speaker 1: say most of them, women have a tendency to apologize
Speaker 1: even when there is no possibility that they did anything wrong.
Speaker 1: Someone bumps into them, they apologize for being there. The
Speaker 1: waiter brings them someone else's food, they apologize for bringing
Speaker 1: it up. You cancel on them last minute because you
Speaker 1: realize you double booked yourself. They apologize for I don't know,
Speaker 1: not confirming that you weren't a disorganized mess. In all
Speaker 1: these cases, an apology isn't really appropriate. When you haven't
Speaker 1: harmed anyone, you don't have to say you're sorry. I
Speaker 1: think what's going on here is that sorry is an
Speaker 1: easy way to express empathy about things that are going
Speaker 1: on in the world. There are other ways to express
Speaker 1: caring without assuming a blame you don't deserve. So you
Speaker 1: could just say that stinks, or that seems so hard,
Speaker 1: or even I'm sorry you had that experience. Express sympathy
Speaker 1: with a plight, but without implying that you have anything
Speaker 1: to do with the cause, but setting inappropriate apologies aside.
Speaker 1: If you may have harmed or hurt someone, apologize right away.
Speaker 1: When you make amends, you can both move on. In
Speaker 1: the meantime, this is Laura. Thanks for listening, and here's
Speaker 1: to making the most of our time. Hey, everybody, I'd
Speaker 1: love to hear from you. You can send me your tips,
Speaker 1: your questions, or anything else. Just connect with me on Twitter,
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Speaker 1: the number four, then breakfast p o D. You can
Speaker 1: also shoot me an email at Before Breakfast podcast at
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Speaker 1: all the letters. Thanks so much. Should I look forward
Speaker 1: to staying in touch. Before Breakfast is a production of iHeartRadio.
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