WEBVTT - It’s Time We Talk (part 2) with Lauren Zima 0:00:00.440 --> 0:00:03.960 Hello everybody, and welcome back to the most dramatic podcast ever. 0:00:04.320 --> 0:00:10.320 I'm Chris Harrison. Welcome here to what we will affectionately 0:00:10.320 --> 0:00:15.800 call Studio A, the home office in Austin, Texas. Wherever 0:00:15.920 --> 0:00:18.840 you are, wherever you find yourself on your journey, you 0:00:18.880 --> 0:00:21.919 are welcome here. And I just want to say thank you. 0:00:21.920 --> 0:00:24.960 I want to start off by saying thank you for 0:00:25.120 --> 0:00:28.040 the response to the first episode, and I hope you 0:00:28.080 --> 0:00:30.640 have listened to episode one. If you have not, I 0:00:30.760 --> 0:00:35.160 recommend you hit the pause button, step back watch episode one, 0:00:35.280 --> 0:00:37.559 listen to it, take it in. UM. I think the 0:00:37.560 --> 0:00:41.320 connective tissue to these two episodes is very important and 0:00:41.440 --> 0:00:44.560 vital to get the feel and the vibe of everything 0:00:44.600 --> 0:00:48.120 I said in episode one leading into this one. UM. 0:00:48.200 --> 0:00:50.480 I also want to say thank you to the response. 0:00:50.479 --> 0:00:52.239 I should have said this in the first episode, but 0:00:53.560 --> 0:00:59.080 no joke. It was a very emotional moment to get 0:00:59.120 --> 0:01:01.400 all of that out, and so I missed a few things, 0:01:01.480 --> 0:01:04.080 and what I wanted to say was thank you the 0:01:04.200 --> 0:01:07.160 response to the trailer that we dropped. We announced this 0:01:07.800 --> 0:01:11.959 UM connection, this partnership with My Heart Radio about a 0:01:11.959 --> 0:01:17.479 month ago and mid early December, and this particular show 0:01:17.520 --> 0:01:21.160 the most dramatic podcast ever that I would be hosting. 0:01:21.920 --> 0:01:26.720 And the response from you was incredible, and I was 0:01:26.760 --> 0:01:29.200 blown away and I was so touched, and it's it's 0:01:29.280 --> 0:01:33.240 never lost on me how amazing all of you are 0:01:34.400 --> 0:01:38.759 and how loving and I'm sure curious intrigued by all 0:01:38.800 --> 0:01:43.120 of this, but to make the trailer of the show 0:01:43.400 --> 0:01:47.440 the number four podcast in all podcasts and number one 0:01:47.440 --> 0:01:50.840 in its category was overwhelming. And I just want to 0:01:50.840 --> 0:01:54.080 say thank you. I am so appreciative and I can't 0:01:54.080 --> 0:01:58.120 wait to see the response to these first two episodes 0:01:58.160 --> 0:01:59.720 that we are dropping together. And just to give you 0:01:59.760 --> 0:02:02.280 a little logistics, UM, Lauren and I flew out to 0:02:02.280 --> 0:02:05.240 San Francisco, that's where we actually recorded the first one, 0:02:05.280 --> 0:02:06.640 just so I could be with the team, the I 0:02:06.720 --> 0:02:10.160 Heart Radio team. And then now we are back home 0:02:10.200 --> 0:02:13.080 and our our beautiful home in Austin, Texas, where Lauren 0:02:13.080 --> 0:02:16.800 and I have set up shop and made our life. Um. 0:02:16.840 --> 0:02:19.840 And speaking of Lauren, Zema is going to be joining 0:02:19.880 --> 0:02:23.079 us just a little bit later. But beyond the response 0:02:23.360 --> 0:02:26.960 to the trailer, one thing I didn't touch on an 0:02:26.960 --> 0:02:31.160 episode one is the response from everybody after everything went down, 0:02:33.160 --> 0:02:35.560 And there were several camps that I will touch on. 0:02:35.960 --> 0:02:39.560 I was moved by the crew. Many of the crew 0:02:39.560 --> 0:02:42.160 members that I've worked with for the better part of 0:02:42.200 --> 0:02:45.120 two decades reached out. A lot of them. Um, I 0:02:45.160 --> 0:02:47.040 definitely won't name those names because I know a lot 0:02:47.120 --> 0:02:48.800 of them still work there and I don't want to 0:02:48.800 --> 0:02:52.799 create any weird tension for them, but I appreciate it. 0:02:53.200 --> 0:02:55.239 The other interesting thing about the show, and I've said 0:02:55.240 --> 0:03:00.880 this in interviews before, this family and friends that I 0:03:00.960 --> 0:03:03.360 made over the nineteen years, and I'm talking about people 0:03:03.400 --> 0:03:05.480 that came on the show. They were either maybe the 0:03:05.480 --> 0:03:09.280 backs or bachelorette or cast members, and then after the show, 0:03:10.400 --> 0:03:14.000 often we would end up at events together, charity events, 0:03:14.240 --> 0:03:17.839 helping each other, supporting each other. Um, they would often 0:03:17.880 --> 0:03:20.519 call me because you know, being the bachelor bachelrette is 0:03:20.520 --> 0:03:22.080 a little bit like being shot out of a cannon 0:03:22.120 --> 0:03:23.800 all of a sudden, You're just going a thousand miles 0:03:23.800 --> 0:03:26.880 an hour. Nothing has really prepared you from going from 0:03:27.040 --> 0:03:29.760 you know zero, your life and wherever you're living too, 0:03:30.800 --> 0:03:33.280 you know, red carpets and everything that's thrown at you. 0:03:33.440 --> 0:03:36.640 And so I tried to help and counsels as best 0:03:36.680 --> 0:03:39.200 I could when they would reach out and needed it, 0:03:39.720 --> 0:03:44.520 and that those relationships grew. And now these families have 0:03:44.640 --> 0:03:47.040 grown and we have children that have been born and 0:03:47.400 --> 0:03:50.440 there's a lot of pride in that. And early on 0:03:51.520 --> 0:03:56.760 a lot of those people reached out. Some spoke out, um, 0:03:56.800 --> 0:03:59.760 you know, like a Catherine and Sean who I love 0:03:59.800 --> 0:04:04.440 and a Door very much. Um, you know, Ari and Lauren, 0:04:04.640 --> 0:04:07.440 Brad Walmac. It's tough when you start naming names. It's like, 0:04:07.480 --> 0:04:10.400 there's this I could go for miles of Tristan Ryan 0:04:10.440 --> 0:04:15.200 and JP and Ashley and Jaden Tanner and Jojo and 0:04:15.280 --> 0:04:17.520 Jordan who Lauren and I love so much, and Bob 0:04:17.520 --> 0:04:20.000 Guinney and Andrew Firestone, Been and Ashley. I know they're 0:04:20.040 --> 0:04:22.000 not a couple, but you know they do the podcast 0:04:22.040 --> 0:04:26.200 together and they actually spoke very highly and glowingly of 0:04:26.200 --> 0:04:29.920 of this announcement UM last month. And I appreciate Been 0:04:30.000 --> 0:04:33.520 and Ashley very much. And Andy Dorfman, I'm so happy 0:04:33.600 --> 0:04:37.400 she's found love. And um, Sarah Herron who's going to 0:04:37.480 --> 0:04:39.560 be a mom, and Leslie Murphy who is a mom, 0:04:39.640 --> 0:04:42.240 and and Tinley who and so you know, and even 0:04:42.240 --> 0:04:46.080 a guy like Jake Pavelka. Jake Pavelka reached out. Um, 0:04:46.120 --> 0:04:48.680 the guy who helped me coin the phrase everything is 0:04:48.720 --> 0:04:52.680 about to change. Um. Raven and Adam up there, Chris Souls, 0:04:53.480 --> 0:04:56.159 the miracle man Eric Bieger. Gotta mention him one of 0:04:56.160 --> 0:04:59.400 my favorite human beings to come through the show that spirit. Uh. 0:04:59.680 --> 0:05:02.560 He and I've had some great conversations, UM, since all 0:05:02.600 --> 0:05:04.599 of this went down, and I appreciate it. And even 0:05:04.600 --> 0:05:10.600 those that we're critical early on, I'm glad I've gotten 0:05:10.640 --> 0:05:13.800 to run into a lot of them. Mike Johnson was 0:05:13.800 --> 0:05:17.080 was one who was very critical, outspoken as soon as 0:05:17.120 --> 0:05:21.080 this happened, and understandably so. UM. And we ran into 0:05:21.120 --> 0:05:25.159 each other ironically in Vegas at an iHeart event and 0:05:26.160 --> 0:05:28.520 gave each other a big hug, had nothing but love 0:05:28.600 --> 0:05:31.680 and and he I very much appreciate. He reached out 0:05:31.720 --> 0:05:33.480 to me while we were sitting there and spending time 0:05:33.520 --> 0:05:35.320 together and just thank me for being kind of that 0:05:35.360 --> 0:05:38.440 big brother and always being there for him. And UM 0:05:38.480 --> 0:05:41.720 it was good too, not necessarily make amends because we 0:05:41.800 --> 0:05:46.240 never got sideways, but just to reconnect. And you know, 0:05:46.320 --> 0:05:51.880 Nick Vau was another one who Nick wasn't really uh 0:05:51.920 --> 0:05:54.839 strongly against me or said anything, but you know, I 0:05:54.839 --> 0:05:58.640 think Nick was one of those among many who probably 0:05:58.680 --> 0:06:01.480 saw the blood in the water and saw the opportunity 0:06:01.480 --> 0:06:03.919 of a job that would be really phenomenal, and no 0:06:04.000 --> 0:06:07.120 doubt he wanted that job. And but we saw each 0:06:07.120 --> 0:06:10.120 other at Wells and Sarah's wedding and gave each other 0:06:10.200 --> 0:06:12.080 big hugs. Saw Chris Souls there too. It was good 0:06:12.120 --> 0:06:17.680 to see Chris. And speaking of uh Wells and Sarah's wedding, 0:06:17.720 --> 0:06:21.000 which was phenomenal, a few bachelor people, a lot of 0:06:21.040 --> 0:06:28.680 modern family people. Um Wells has always been a very 0:06:28.839 --> 0:06:30.400 he First of all, he's a good man. He's a 0:06:30.520 --> 0:06:35.200 very good man and a good friend of mine. Um 0:06:35.240 --> 0:06:37.760 he'll never beat me on the golf course, but that's 0:06:37.800 --> 0:06:42.120 beside the point. He um Wells was in a very 0:06:42.120 --> 0:06:45.040 difficult situation because obviously he was still kind of connected 0:06:45.040 --> 0:06:47.120 to the show and he was doing stuff on Paradise. 0:06:47.160 --> 0:06:49.080 But he was one of the first to reach out 0:06:49.080 --> 0:06:53.479 to me and just said, hey, look, I'm I'm staying 0:06:53.520 --> 0:06:56.400 out of this. You know, I love you, respect you, 0:06:57.240 --> 0:07:00.640 and I appreciated that. I appreciated him because if anybody 0:07:01.600 --> 0:07:06.680 had sites on the job, it could easily was Wells, 0:07:06.720 --> 0:07:11.520 and deservedly so, by the way I I thought to 0:07:11.600 --> 0:07:15.200 be completely candid that Wells was going to get the job. 0:07:15.960 --> 0:07:19.000 I thought that was kind of the easiest call since 0:07:19.520 --> 0:07:22.320 Ken Jennings got the Jeopardy job. He's and the family, 0:07:22.480 --> 0:07:25.840 everybody loves him. It just seemed like a layup. But 0:07:26.200 --> 0:07:27.760 that's not how it went down. I even told him, 0:07:27.760 --> 0:07:31.400 I said, hey, man, I won't speak out publicly because 0:07:31.440 --> 0:07:33.640 I don't think that will help you at all. In fact, 0:07:33.680 --> 0:07:35.920 it would do a lot more harm than good. But 0:07:36.040 --> 0:07:39.040 I really hope you get the job. I think you'd 0:07:39.040 --> 0:07:42.440 be great at it. Just appreciate him and so many 0:07:42.600 --> 0:07:47.080 others that have reached out to me. UM, since that's happened, 0:07:47.080 --> 0:07:50.120 since I announced I was doing this podcast, it really 0:07:50.160 --> 0:07:54.880 has been heartwarming and it's been a wonderful connection for 0:07:54.880 --> 0:07:57.720 all of us to get back together. UM. There were 0:07:57.760 --> 0:08:00.120 there were a lot of others that reached out too 0:08:00.200 --> 0:08:05.400 that I found interesting. UM, whether it's celebrities, athletes, UM, 0:08:05.440 --> 0:08:08.920 a late night host. I really appreciated it, and it 0:08:09.000 --> 0:08:13.480 was just private text messages or phone calls, and it 0:08:13.640 --> 0:08:17.720 helped as Laura and I were navigating this and speaking 0:08:17.760 --> 0:08:20.800 of I think it's time for our first guest, the 0:08:20.840 --> 0:08:23.720 first guest ever in the history of the most dramatic 0:08:23.760 --> 0:08:26.640 podcast ever, and it has to be the one and 0:08:26.680 --> 0:08:33.079 only Lauren's Ema. This podcast is all about relationships. This 0:08:33.160 --> 0:08:36.480 is the most important relationship in my life and she 0:08:36.600 --> 0:08:40.800 was the only person with me every step of the 0:08:40.840 --> 0:08:45.400 way during this So when we return, Lauren and I 0:08:45.400 --> 0:08:48.079 we're going to talk about our experience and how this 0:08:48.160 --> 0:08:57.959 affected our relationship. That's next. Welcome back to the Most 0:08:58.040 --> 0:09:02.560 Dramatic podcast ever with Chris Harrison and I am here 0:09:02.600 --> 0:09:06.360 to welcome my very first guest, and it had to 0:09:06.440 --> 0:09:12.679 be this woman, three time Emmy winner. Don't laugh at that. 0:09:15.200 --> 0:09:17.960 I haven't done a podcast in a while, Well might 0:09:18.000 --> 0:09:20.800 as well do this one, Okay. On a scale of 0:09:21.040 --> 0:09:24.520 one to ten, one being the best. That is a 0:09:24.600 --> 0:09:28.040 day of organizing at the house, just watching Housewives, that's 0:09:28.120 --> 0:09:30.600 number one. Ten would be having to go to ten 0:09:30.760 --> 0:09:34.600 football games, So that's the scale Housewives to football. Ten 0:09:34.720 --> 0:09:38.679 is bad. Scale of one to How excited are you 0:09:38.720 --> 0:09:41.920 to sit down and have this conversation. I'm very excited 0:09:42.000 --> 0:09:44.480 to sit down and have the conversation, but I'm also 0:09:44.720 --> 0:09:48.880 very I would say that my nerves are at probably 0:09:48.920 --> 0:09:55.040 a tend. My hands are so sweaty, right, now because this, 0:09:55.240 --> 0:09:57.400 you know, you and I have so rarely done something 0:09:57.440 --> 0:10:00.640 like this where we're when whenever we're in a situation 0:10:00.679 --> 0:10:03.240 like this has happened a few times, it's always who's 0:10:03.280 --> 0:10:05.560 the interviewer and who's the interviewee, And we lose that 0:10:05.559 --> 0:10:07.440 a little bit because we both do it for a living. 0:10:07.480 --> 0:10:09.440 So sometimes we have a bit of a hard time 0:10:09.559 --> 0:10:12.440 finding our rhythm in these moments because we don't know. 0:10:12.520 --> 0:10:15.839 It's like dancing when you don't know who's leading. I 0:10:15.840 --> 0:10:19.440 I would agree with that. I will say if I'm 0:10:19.440 --> 0:10:21.960 guessing you as a listeners have never had the opportunity 0:10:22.000 --> 0:10:26.520 to interview an interviewee. Um, I'm probably a little more 0:10:28.160 --> 0:10:33.000 adept at it because I had that interviewing, no being interviewed, 0:10:33.040 --> 0:10:36.240 like giving turning the table. Yes, I'm usually in control 0:10:36.320 --> 0:10:39.040 of the moment when I'm hosting and whatever, but I've 0:10:39.040 --> 0:10:41.560 had the moment turned on me many of time, and 0:10:41.600 --> 0:10:44.080 in interviews. And that's how we actually met, was you 0:10:44.160 --> 0:10:46.400 interviewing me. And that's one of the things I fell 0:10:46.440 --> 0:10:48.320 in love with immediately, was how brilliant you were and 0:10:48.360 --> 0:10:51.400 what an amazing journalist and how good you were. Um, 0:10:51.440 --> 0:10:55.840 and then there was the rest but I I know 0:10:55.960 --> 0:10:58.320 you have a tough time being interviewed. I do. I don't. 0:10:58.400 --> 0:11:02.000 I'm so used to I had been. I mean I 0:11:02.040 --> 0:11:05.120 was at entertainment tonight for oh I think almost eight years, 0:11:05.120 --> 0:11:08.080 and before that, I was just another So I don't 0:11:08.080 --> 0:11:11.079 have been a journalist for well over a decade, and 0:11:11.280 --> 0:11:16.280 I've probably been interviewed myself less than five times. So, um, yeah, 0:11:16.360 --> 0:11:19.640 I'm used to asking all the questions. When I was dating, 0:11:19.679 --> 0:11:22.000 I would always joke that, like, I would go on 0:11:22.000 --> 0:11:24.760 a really bad date in my mind, but the person 0:11:24.840 --> 0:11:26.280 would think it went really well. But that was just 0:11:26.320 --> 0:11:28.360 because I asked them a million questions because I'm in 0:11:28.400 --> 0:11:32.400 interview mode. Um. And then my friends really joke with 0:11:32.440 --> 0:11:35.120 me that, when you know, they asked me how are you, 0:11:35.240 --> 0:11:37.200 I always say I'm fine, I'm good, how are you? 0:11:37.600 --> 0:11:39.200 And I turn it back around on them. So I 0:11:39.240 --> 0:11:41.400 do sort of have a hard time talking about myself 0:11:41.800 --> 0:11:46.040 and being interviewed, and that's why my bombs are dripping. Also, 0:11:46.120 --> 0:11:48.320 I sound so horrible. I'm so sorry everybody. I'm kind 0:11:48.320 --> 0:11:50.400 of sick. I've been sick for a week. I've tested 0:11:50.520 --> 0:11:52.840 negative for COVID four times. But I just have a 0:11:52.920 --> 0:11:56.720 very bad um, you know, side dis infections, so blessings 0:11:56.760 --> 0:12:00.080 on this holiday season of illness and viral moments to 0:12:00.120 --> 0:12:02.640 look beautiful? Can you sound amazing? We haven't kissed in 0:12:02.640 --> 0:12:07.720 a week, and I appreciate I appreciate that. Um no, 0:12:07.840 --> 0:12:10.160 I appreciate you sitting down. And this is something I 0:12:10.240 --> 0:12:14.360 know that we have talked obviously a lot about everything, 0:12:15.600 --> 0:12:20.120 but one thing we really don't ever get into is 0:12:20.160 --> 0:12:26.680 how each other felt separately going through all this, and 0:12:27.880 --> 0:12:29.640 that one of the most painful things I said in 0:12:29.720 --> 0:12:33.920 episode one was affecting you and how this affected you, 0:12:35.280 --> 0:12:38.720 And that was easily one of the toughest things for 0:12:38.760 --> 0:12:43.680 me to watch, what was the effect on you? Initially, 0:12:46.160 --> 0:12:50.160 I think the hardest part was understanding it because I 0:12:50.200 --> 0:12:53.320 didn't feel like I was watching you. I know that 0:12:53.480 --> 0:12:58.160 wasn't you in that interview. I know that it wasn't 0:12:58.160 --> 0:13:03.199 the way you. You know, I felt the what what 0:13:03.280 --> 0:13:05.600 was being perceived was not how you felt in your heart, 0:13:05.640 --> 0:13:07.360 and I knew that, and so I was also just 0:13:07.520 --> 0:13:09.720 mad because I thought, how could you do this? How 0:13:09.760 --> 0:13:13.320 could you be so messy? How could you not see 0:13:13.360 --> 0:13:21.360 how you were sounding? But what I quickly realized is 0:13:21.400 --> 0:13:27.000 that everybody makes mistakes and to me the most including 0:13:27.000 --> 0:13:31.720 myself many times obviously, UM, And to me, the most 0:13:31.760 --> 0:13:37.760 important thing about a human is how is what their 0:13:37.760 --> 0:13:40.840 intention is and how they react after they make a mistake. 0:13:41.000 --> 0:13:45.080 And I knew that your intention in that interview was 0:13:45.720 --> 0:13:48.480 in no way malicious. I knew that your intention was 0:13:49.040 --> 0:13:54.360 to protect Matt at the time the Bachelor, Um, And 0:13:55.000 --> 0:13:59.200 after it happened, you were immediately so apologetic and so 0:13:59.679 --> 0:14:02.800 hard broken and you wanted to make everything right. So 0:14:04.840 --> 0:14:13.400 the hardest part is watching somebody who you love being 0:14:13.480 --> 0:14:18.480 so much pain and UM, knowing that you can't fix it, 0:14:19.360 --> 0:14:22.720 that there's nothing you can do. And we tried so 0:14:22.840 --> 0:14:27.800 many in so many ways to fix everything. Um, But 0:14:27.920 --> 0:14:29.960 that was the hardest part about it all for me. 0:14:32.080 --> 0:14:38.080 That was a very long answer, but a good one, 0:14:39.600 --> 0:14:42.760 was it? Yeah, Because I you know, I think one 0:14:42.800 --> 0:14:45.960 thing that is good to see and explain in a 0:14:46.040 --> 0:14:49.880 relationship when I think when people could see us or 0:14:49.960 --> 0:14:52.160 think about us, it's just this. You know, you never 0:14:52.200 --> 0:14:56.200 know what's going on inside someone's house. And this was 0:14:56.280 --> 0:14:58.000 not an easy thing to go through. We had, you know, 0:14:58.640 --> 0:15:00.560 we had just gone through the pandemic like everybody, and 0:15:00.600 --> 0:15:03.160 we became one of those pandemic couples of like, well, 0:15:05.480 --> 0:15:07.080 be together, a break up the pan you know, you're 0:15:07.120 --> 0:15:09.640 either living together or you're you're never thinking about breaking up. 0:15:09.800 --> 0:15:12.200 No, No No, I mean during the pandemic. You know, I 0:15:12.200 --> 0:15:14.160 think a lot of people you had to quarantine together 0:15:14.280 --> 0:15:16.680 or not. And so we were one of those couples 0:15:16.720 --> 0:15:19.280 that definitely in the pandemic, we quarantined together, we moved 0:15:19.280 --> 0:15:21.440 in together, and so we had just gone definitely accelerated 0:15:21.440 --> 0:15:23.800 our relationship. And so we went through that stressful time 0:15:24.640 --> 0:15:29.760 right into this um which was you thought the pandemic 0:15:29.800 --> 0:15:35.000 was stressful, this was, you know, tenfold, And so I 0:15:35.040 --> 0:15:36.840 don't ever want to give people the impression that you 0:15:36.840 --> 0:15:40.560 and I just breathed through this. It was very difficult, 0:15:40.800 --> 0:15:45.600 and yeah, we had arguments, We battled. Um. Lauren comes 0:15:45.600 --> 0:15:47.800 from a long line of lawyers, so they love to 0:15:47.840 --> 0:15:51.280 debate and they're very honest. But I appreciated that and 0:15:51.320 --> 0:15:54.120 I needed that because I think far too often you 0:15:54.200 --> 0:15:56.560 end up in an echo chamber, and that's how you 0:15:56.600 --> 0:15:59.120 get in trouble as you just surround yourself by yes men, 0:15:59.240 --> 0:16:04.720 yes women who just say exactly what you want to hear. 0:16:05.800 --> 0:16:12.120 But I have so many regrets about how I advised 0:16:12.120 --> 0:16:14.600 you at that time. UM. I mean, I don't know 0:16:14.640 --> 0:16:16.320 if I could have. I don't think I could have 0:16:16.320 --> 0:16:20.680 done a better job, because for me, you know, you'd 0:16:20.720 --> 0:16:25.440 been famous for almost twenty years, you know, fifteen years 0:16:25.440 --> 0:16:29.040 at least when we first started dating. UM. I I 0:16:29.200 --> 0:16:32.440 worked in entertainment tonight people. Some people knew me from 0:16:32.600 --> 0:16:36.640 my Bachelor recap show Roses and Rose that I started, UM, 0:16:36.680 --> 0:16:39.920 but I was not on the same level by any means, 0:16:40.080 --> 0:16:42.360 and I'd certainly never been through any type of scandal, 0:16:43.040 --> 0:16:46.800 so it was all very new to me, and it 0:16:46.880 --> 0:16:51.680 was a trial by fire of this unprecedented time in 0:16:51.720 --> 0:16:54.440 all of our lives. The stress of that and this 0:16:54.600 --> 0:16:56.280 added So I don't think I could have done a 0:16:56.320 --> 0:16:59.280 better job in advising you. I was just doing the 0:16:59.320 --> 0:17:01.320 best I could with information I had at the time. 0:17:01.760 --> 0:17:04.040 But I do have regrets about some of the things 0:17:04.080 --> 0:17:07.240 that I suggested, or the sounding board that I was 0:17:07.280 --> 0:17:12.439 at the time, what anything in particular, Um, you talked 0:17:12.440 --> 0:17:17.600 about asking your brother to take that letter down. I 0:17:17.680 --> 0:17:20.880 know that I advised you to have him take it down. 0:17:21.480 --> 0:17:24.320 I was coming from a place of worrying about what 0:17:24.359 --> 0:17:26.320 it would do to him, and I didn't want any 0:17:26.400 --> 0:17:32.400 I mean, you know, I've said this to friends. This 0:17:32.560 --> 0:17:36.879 was not the saddest thing I've ever been through in 0:17:36.920 --> 0:17:38.879 my life. I I lost my dad when I was 0:17:38.880 --> 0:17:42.000 twenty two, my sister was nineteen, my brother was fourteen. 0:17:42.040 --> 0:17:44.159 That was really hard. It ripped my family apart, and 0:17:44.200 --> 0:17:48.880 it changed me forever as a person. Um. But this 0:17:49.040 --> 0:17:54.000 was the most stressful thing I've ever been through for sure. UM. 0:17:54.040 --> 0:17:56.520 I also have the perspective of at the end of 0:17:56.520 --> 0:17:59.760 the day, I believe that if everybody you love is 0:17:59.800 --> 0:18:05.200 how healthy, then you are blessed. And we had well 0:18:05.280 --> 0:18:07.919 more than a roof over our heads, like we were okay. 0:18:07.960 --> 0:18:11.760 So I kept that perspective throughout everything. But it wasn't 0:18:11.800 --> 0:18:16.480 easy to have people d m n NG you two 0:18:16.760 --> 0:18:21.439 or me to die, um, to kill ourselves to uh 0:18:21.640 --> 0:18:26.800 that were horrible too. UM. You know, that was all 0:18:26.800 --> 0:18:29.800 really hard, and I was worried about that coming for 0:18:29.880 --> 0:18:33.159 your brother. So I but then to hear you, know, 0:18:33.280 --> 0:18:35.480 you say that you felt like asking him to take 0:18:35.520 --> 0:18:44.240 that down fundamentally affected you and made you question yourself. UM, 0:18:44.320 --> 0:18:50.800 it's hard to hear. I I look back on the 0:18:50.840 --> 0:18:55.840 statement that I put out at the time, and I 0:18:55.840 --> 0:18:58.119 wish I'd done it differently. There was a longer version 0:18:58.160 --> 0:19:04.119 of it where I said I know who Chris something 0:19:04.160 --> 0:19:05.840 like I know who Chris is as a person, and 0:19:05.880 --> 0:19:10.159 I know that he you know, did not mean to 0:19:10.160 --> 0:19:12.560 come across that way or I can't remember exactly what 0:19:12.640 --> 0:19:14.080 I said, But there was a longer version where I 0:19:14.080 --> 0:19:18.520 defended you more and I was advised. You talked a 0:19:18.560 --> 0:19:21.240 lot about being advised. I was advised cut that out, 0:19:21.640 --> 0:19:24.000 like keep it shorter, Just keep it short. You have 0:19:24.080 --> 0:19:25.720 to release a statement, so just get it out and 0:19:25.920 --> 0:19:28.800 keep it short. Um, because that's going to be better. 0:19:28.960 --> 0:19:33.119 It'll create less, less problems. Um. And I was a 0:19:33.119 --> 0:19:37.840 part of that conversation. Yeah, but I wish I hadn't. 0:19:38.200 --> 0:19:42.640 I know and and I know that, and I knew that, 0:19:42.760 --> 0:19:46.199 But also you said something that I firmly believe. And 0:19:46.240 --> 0:19:48.800 you and I say this all the time. You can 0:19:48.880 --> 0:19:54.000 only make the best decision in the moment with what 0:19:54.160 --> 0:19:56.080 you know in that moment and how you felt. We 0:19:56.080 --> 0:19:59.120 were making split second decisions. But I do think one 0:19:59.160 --> 0:20:01.480 takeaway I have the Molli's one thing I've learned is 0:20:01.520 --> 0:20:05.760 that you're not gonna make everybody happy. I wish I'd 0:20:05.760 --> 0:20:09.040 read less comments. I wish i'd you feel like you 0:20:09.560 --> 0:20:12.240 should be reading the comments and reading the coverage because 0:20:12.600 --> 0:20:15.280 you want to be aware of the situation. And also 0:20:16.080 --> 0:20:18.399 you know you're the viewers of the show are so 0:20:18.480 --> 0:20:21.600 important to you and to me too that we wanted 0:20:21.600 --> 0:20:23.640 to make sure we were trying to do right by 0:20:23.680 --> 0:20:26.480 people and to make things right. So we were trying 0:20:26.520 --> 0:20:32.879 to listen, um to everybody. But that also kind of 0:20:32.920 --> 0:20:35.600 messes with your head, and especially it's that thing of 0:20:35.760 --> 0:20:37.919 and I think everybody who's on social media knows this. 0:20:38.760 --> 0:20:41.719 You can hear ten nice things, but if one person 0:20:42.880 --> 0:20:45.760 tells you you're horrible or tells you to harm yourself, 0:20:46.960 --> 0:20:53.920 that hits you a lot harder. Um. So I wish 0:20:53.960 --> 0:20:57.480 that I hadn't listen to that as much, because I 0:20:57.480 --> 0:21:00.320 I maybe would have thought a bit clearer. Um. And 0:21:00.359 --> 0:21:04.679 the big takeaway is that you have to feel good, 0:21:05.160 --> 0:21:06.840 you have to feel good about who you are, and 0:21:06.880 --> 0:21:09.600 you have to thank Years from now, am I going 0:21:09.640 --> 0:21:11.480 to feel like what I did represented the person I 0:21:11.520 --> 0:21:15.600 want to be? So that was what I learned. Um, 0:21:15.640 --> 0:21:18.600 I don't think that that statement was full enough to 0:21:18.680 --> 0:21:21.520 represent who I am, and so I wish I had 0:21:21.560 --> 0:21:24.200 I had left those extra bits in no matter what 0:21:25.040 --> 0:21:26.720 ended up getting said, because like I said, you're not 0:21:26.720 --> 0:21:29.200 gonna make everybody happy. If you're try and please everybody, 0:21:29.240 --> 0:21:30.800 you end up please. Now we all see that all 0:21:30.800 --> 0:21:34.359 the time. I mean, mom could post a photo with 0:21:34.359 --> 0:21:36.160 her new baby and somebody's going to say, but where 0:21:36.160 --> 0:21:38.080 are your other kids? And um, then she could post 0:21:38.119 --> 0:21:40.040 a photo with her other kids and somebody will say, God, 0:21:40.040 --> 0:21:42.600 you're really exploiting your children. So there's nothing you can 0:21:42.800 --> 0:21:46.920 do to fully satisfy all. Just announcing this podcast. I 0:21:46.960 --> 0:21:49.840 didn't even really say anything announcing this podcast a month ago. 0:21:50.600 --> 0:21:54.119 There was people that had something to say, right because 0:21:54.119 --> 0:21:57.880 you have to, because what is the use of an 0:21:57.960 --> 0:22:01.440 article that says, hey, I'm really about this. I'm curious 0:22:01.480 --> 0:22:03.639 to hear what he's gonna say. You're never going to 0:22:03.720 --> 0:22:05.920 see that article in a tabloid or on a podcast 0:22:06.000 --> 0:22:08.960 or whatever. You well, that's not true, like Been and 0:22:09.040 --> 0:22:11.280 Ashley and people like that, who are actually good people 0:22:11.440 --> 0:22:15.440 like but it's not what exactly, it's not the click bait, 0:22:15.520 --> 0:22:20.680 it's not whatever. And so you know, the the vocal 0:22:21.080 --> 0:22:24.680 kind of minority that you see on social media or whatever, 0:22:25.160 --> 0:22:27.639 it is. It's easier said than done to ignore that 0:22:27.680 --> 0:22:30.600 and let it go because the majority of like once 0:22:30.600 --> 0:22:32.920 so we announced this and the people that the outpouring 0:22:32.920 --> 0:22:35.160 of love and support, and you know, as you've traveled around, 0:22:35.240 --> 0:22:38.760 we've traveled together, and so many people come up to 0:22:38.840 --> 0:22:41.320 us and we love that and and honestly, they usually 0:22:41.320 --> 0:22:43.119 pushed me aside just to get to Lauren's ema and 0:22:43.160 --> 0:22:48.800 I get that, um and I we've loved that and 0:22:48.840 --> 0:22:52.440 it meant a lot. Well. One of the first things 0:22:52.440 --> 0:22:55.520 I saw when we started dating. You told me very 0:22:55.520 --> 0:22:58.359 early on, because people might come up to you and 0:22:58.400 --> 0:23:00.680 ask for a photo when we were having dinner. I 0:23:00.720 --> 0:23:05.040 remember you telling me, I always take the time for 0:23:05.080 --> 0:23:07.920 every person who comes up to me, because I owe 0:23:09.080 --> 0:23:11.560 all of my success to these people. And you care 0:23:11.640 --> 0:23:16.320 about the fans and the viewers so much, UM, So 0:23:16.920 --> 0:23:19.280 you know, I I in part say that to say 0:23:19.400 --> 0:23:20.960 that was what made all this so hard, as you 0:23:21.000 --> 0:23:23.000 talked about in the first episode, was how much you 0:23:23.080 --> 0:23:26.359 love everybody and trying you and I trying to figure 0:23:26.359 --> 0:23:29.520 out what was the best way to go about reaching 0:23:29.560 --> 0:23:32.760 those people. And that's what was so difficult. We didn't 0:23:32.760 --> 0:23:36.600 have this podcast. I wish you know, good or bad. 0:23:37.119 --> 0:23:40.000