1 00:00:00,240 --> 00:00:04,040 Speaker 1: Unforgettable Old French Montana and Sway Lee one or two 2 00:00:04,040 --> 00:00:07,560 Speaker 1: point seven Kiss FM A, Los Angeles. We've got more 3 00:00:07,560 --> 00:00:12,240 Speaker 1: tickets to our private screening of Taylor Swift's Airaostour movie. 4 00:00:13,240 --> 00:00:15,480 Speaker 1: And we've also got another shot for you to get 5 00:00:15,520 --> 00:00:17,720 Speaker 1: your bills paid that I'm gonna be at nine to 6 00:00:17,720 --> 00:00:22,160 Speaker 1: ten Tuesday morning, Ryan Seacrestis and Tania back room. Everybody's 7 00:00:22,160 --> 00:00:27,120 Speaker 1: here this world Mental Health Day. Yes, let me bring 8 00:00:27,160 --> 00:00:30,840 Speaker 1: in therapy Jeff millions of followers. He's a couples counsel 9 00:00:30,880 --> 00:00:32,880 Speaker 1: He's been doing it for two decades and he says 10 00:00:32,880 --> 00:00:35,400 Speaker 1: he sees a lot of the same things over and 11 00:00:35,440 --> 00:00:36,000 Speaker 1: over again. 12 00:00:36,159 --> 00:00:37,839 Speaker 2: Therapy Jeff, Good morning. 13 00:00:38,720 --> 00:00:40,720 Speaker 3: Good morning, How are you well? 14 00:00:41,040 --> 00:00:42,960 Speaker 1: Just lucky to get you on such a very important 15 00:00:43,040 --> 00:00:45,080 Speaker 1: day in your career, in your world. 16 00:00:46,400 --> 00:00:47,760 Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm happy to be here. 17 00:00:49,000 --> 00:00:54,560 Speaker 1: So a therapy Jeff councils couples on a regular basis. 18 00:00:54,600 --> 00:00:55,040 Speaker 2: So good. 19 00:00:55,080 --> 00:00:57,000 Speaker 1: By the way, it's good to do the couples counseling 20 00:00:57,000 --> 00:00:59,000 Speaker 1: before there's an issue, right, I mean it's good to 21 00:00:59,040 --> 00:01:01,760 Speaker 1: be proactive because reactive can be difficult. 22 00:01:02,960 --> 00:01:05,520 Speaker 3: Oh yeah, I encourage everyone to go into therapy as 23 00:01:05,560 --> 00:01:08,160 Speaker 3: soon as you possibly can. Especially a pre marital counseling, 24 00:01:08,560 --> 00:01:10,640 Speaker 3: so we can figure out what's going on before it 25 00:01:10,640 --> 00:01:12,120 Speaker 3: becomes a really big issue. 26 00:01:12,760 --> 00:01:13,080 Speaker 2: Got it. 27 00:01:13,120 --> 00:01:15,640 Speaker 1: And there's only one person here that's getting married soon 28 00:01:15,880 --> 00:01:19,959 Speaker 1: and data who they are. That's right. But in sort 29 00:01:19,959 --> 00:01:24,120 Speaker 1: of recognition of World Mental Health Day, give us the 30 00:01:24,240 --> 00:01:27,600 Speaker 1: five things I understand that you see over and over 31 00:01:28,120 --> 00:01:29,640 Speaker 1: as a couple's counselor. 32 00:01:31,360 --> 00:01:31,640 Speaker 2: Yeah. 33 00:01:31,680 --> 00:01:34,479 Speaker 3: So the first thing is that so many times I'm 34 00:01:34,480 --> 00:01:38,039 Speaker 3: telling people, remember you judge yourself by your intentions, that 35 00:01:38,080 --> 00:01:41,520 Speaker 3: you judge your partner by their impact on you, which 36 00:01:41,560 --> 00:01:44,959 Speaker 3: is incredibly hard to remember. This is just sort of 37 00:01:45,000 --> 00:01:47,240 Speaker 3: like a human thing. We're all doing this. Welcome through 38 00:01:47,280 --> 00:01:51,000 Speaker 3: the world, right, But your partner, your partner has really 39 00:01:51,080 --> 00:01:53,920 Speaker 3: good intentions, even if they're hurting you. And even if 40 00:01:54,000 --> 00:01:56,360 Speaker 3: you have really good intentions, the impact that you have 41 00:01:56,480 --> 00:01:59,400 Speaker 3: on your partner could be really painful. And that needs 42 00:01:59,400 --> 00:01:59,960 Speaker 3: to be a dress. 43 00:02:00,920 --> 00:02:02,680 Speaker 2: Okay, Number two. 44 00:02:03,960 --> 00:02:07,240 Speaker 3: Number two, it's not about never being triggered in a relationship. 45 00:02:07,280 --> 00:02:09,680 Speaker 3: It's about feeling safe when you are triggered. I think 46 00:02:09,680 --> 00:02:14,680 Speaker 3: that a lot of imagine orciety being in a relationship, 47 00:02:14,760 --> 00:02:17,079 Speaker 3: or we're never going to be upset, but if you're 48 00:02:17,080 --> 00:02:20,360 Speaker 3: in an intimate close relationship, it's going to happen. There's 49 00:02:20,400 --> 00:02:21,919 Speaker 3: nothing you can do about it. So you want to 50 00:02:21,960 --> 00:02:24,600 Speaker 3: find somebody to be there for you and be kind 51 00:02:24,639 --> 00:02:26,919 Speaker 3: and compassionate when you lose your mind. 52 00:02:27,120 --> 00:02:30,160 Speaker 1: Mm hmm, all right, this is a therapy Jeff here 53 00:02:30,680 --> 00:02:33,720 Speaker 1: on World Mental Health Day with the things he sees 54 00:02:33,720 --> 00:02:36,640 Speaker 1: most often. So number three, there's five of these with 55 00:02:36,720 --> 00:02:37,440 Speaker 1: couples counseling. 56 00:02:37,480 --> 00:02:37,960 Speaker 2: Number three. 57 00:02:39,360 --> 00:02:41,760 Speaker 3: Number three, I say to my couples, do you want 58 00:02:41,800 --> 00:02:44,120 Speaker 3: to be right or do you want to be connected? 59 00:02:44,440 --> 00:02:46,680 Speaker 3: So oftentimes when you get into a fight, you're trying 60 00:02:46,680 --> 00:02:49,560 Speaker 3: to prove your partner wrong. And there's never been a 61 00:02:49,600 --> 00:02:52,360 Speaker 3: time in any of my couple sessions over the twenty 62 00:02:52,440 --> 00:02:54,560 Speaker 3: years of being a therapist where somebody has been trying 63 00:02:54,600 --> 00:02:57,280 Speaker 3: to prove somebody wrong in session and then their partner 64 00:02:57,280 --> 00:02:59,400 Speaker 3: responds with, like, you know what, you're right? I was 65 00:02:59,440 --> 00:03:02,640 Speaker 3: wrong the whole entire time. How can you possibly forgive me? 66 00:03:03,040 --> 00:03:06,000 Speaker 3: It's not about like, So when you're trying to prove 67 00:03:06,040 --> 00:03:09,160 Speaker 3: each other right, you're divided. But if you wanted to 68 00:03:09,240 --> 00:03:12,919 Speaker 3: sort of like connect and be compassionate and be loving, 69 00:03:13,120 --> 00:03:15,440 Speaker 3: that's the way to go in a disagreement. 70 00:03:16,400 --> 00:03:20,360 Speaker 1: I decided that I'm never right, and sometimes I'm so 71 00:03:20,520 --> 00:03:25,280 Speaker 1: fast to say you're right that it doesn't work, you 72 00:03:25,320 --> 00:03:27,680 Speaker 1: know what I mean, Like I'm just trying to make 73 00:03:27,720 --> 00:03:28,920 Speaker 1: it go away so fast. 74 00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:30,440 Speaker 2: I'm like, you know what, you're right? What are you 75 00:03:30,440 --> 00:03:31,080 Speaker 2: talking about? Your right? 76 00:03:31,200 --> 00:03:31,239 Speaker 3: Like? 77 00:03:31,240 --> 00:03:32,720 Speaker 2: You're right? So I got all right? 78 00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:36,360 Speaker 1: Number four therapy Jeff couple's counselor on the list of 79 00:03:36,440 --> 00:03:37,480 Speaker 1: things that you see all the time. 80 00:03:38,720 --> 00:03:43,200 Speaker 3: Number four, remember that you love each other, because oftentimes 81 00:03:43,240 --> 00:03:45,320 Speaker 3: when you come into couples counseling, you start getting into 82 00:03:45,320 --> 00:03:48,080 Speaker 3: a fight you're really incredibly mean to each other or 83 00:03:48,160 --> 00:03:50,720 Speaker 3: treating treating each other like you're in a boxing match 84 00:03:50,800 --> 00:03:53,400 Speaker 3: trying to get the advantage by hurting each other. But 85 00:03:53,440 --> 00:03:55,600 Speaker 3: if you can remember that you love and like each 86 00:03:55,600 --> 00:03:59,440 Speaker 3: other and that the goal is to feel close and connected, 87 00:03:59,720 --> 00:04:01,880 Speaker 3: and I can make things a lot more easy to navigate. 88 00:04:02,160 --> 00:04:05,360 Speaker 2: Okay, And finally number five, Number. 89 00:04:05,160 --> 00:04:08,360 Speaker 3: Five, I often say to my couples, why is it 90 00:04:08,400 --> 00:04:11,040 Speaker 3: okay to stay in a relationship with someone who's clearly 91 00:04:11,280 --> 00:04:13,960 Speaker 3: not interested in meeting your needs? And this is kind 92 00:04:13,960 --> 00:04:16,640 Speaker 3: of my like low key way of being like your 93 00:04:16,640 --> 00:04:18,719 Speaker 3: partner is very directly saying they're not going to be 94 00:04:18,760 --> 00:04:20,400 Speaker 3: there for you or they're not going to meet your 95 00:04:20,440 --> 00:04:22,520 Speaker 3: emotional needs. Do you want to stay together with them? 96 00:04:22,560 --> 00:04:24,559 Speaker 3: Or do you want to stay together with somebody who's 97 00:04:24,600 --> 00:04:27,600 Speaker 3: never going to be there for you or with somebody 98 00:04:27,600 --> 00:04:31,400 Speaker 3: that you you know where you deserve better. So it's 99 00:04:31,480 --> 00:04:34,080 Speaker 3: kind of like a wake up call trying to figure 100 00:04:34,120 --> 00:04:36,320 Speaker 3: out like and also me giving them permission that you 101 00:04:36,360 --> 00:04:38,320 Speaker 3: can end this relationship if you want to. 102 00:04:39,160 --> 00:04:44,039 Speaker 1: I just realize how relationship dumb I have been over 103 00:04:44,040 --> 00:04:46,920 Speaker 1: the course of my life at times, right, I mean, 104 00:04:46,960 --> 00:04:49,720 Speaker 1: it's really a learned thing for me. 105 00:04:49,839 --> 00:04:50,120 Speaker 2: It is. 106 00:04:51,640 --> 00:04:53,400 Speaker 3: Yeah, it is a learned thing, and you can learn 107 00:04:53,440 --> 00:04:57,000 Speaker 3: a lot if you follow up therapy Josh on TikTok Instagram. 108 00:04:56,640 --> 00:04:58,080 Speaker 2: And I will. 109 00:04:58,200 --> 00:05:00,479 Speaker 1: Well, I'll see you for our normal session. Joe, thanks 110 00:05:00,520 --> 00:05:06,039 Speaker 1: for coming on. I mean you could tell he and 111 00:05:06,040 --> 00:05:06,680 Speaker 1: I are very close. 112 00:05:06,760 --> 00:05:10,120 Speaker 2: I'm following him right now. No, therapey at good stuff. 113 00:05:10,720 --> 00:05:11,520 Speaker 2: It is good. 114 00:05:11,720 --> 00:05:15,479 Speaker 1: You know, you judge yourself by your intentions, you judge 115 00:05:15,480 --> 00:05:17,560 Speaker 1: your partner by their impact on you. 116 00:05:17,920 --> 00:05:19,560 Speaker 2: That one I need to study a little bit because 117 00:05:19,600 --> 00:05:21,240 Speaker 2: I was. It's a little Yeah, I wrote that one 118 00:05:21,279 --> 00:05:22,480 Speaker 2: down exactly. 119 00:05:23,520 --> 00:05:25,400 Speaker 1: So he just went through the five things he sees 120 00:05:25,440 --> 00:05:26,919 Speaker 1: most often in couples accounts. 121 00:05:27,000 --> 00:05:28,320 Speaker 2: Do you want to be right or do you want 122 00:05:28,320 --> 00:05:30,120 Speaker 2: to be connected? That one is going to be a 123 00:05:30,160 --> 00:05:33,719 Speaker 2: strong Just me, here's what you do today. Just decide 124 00:05:33,800 --> 00:05:37,560 Speaker 2: You're never right. It's so hard for me, but it's 125 00:05:37,560 --> 00:05:39,920 Speaker 2: so but it works. It's so easy for me. It's 126 00:05:40,000 --> 00:05:43,760 Speaker 2: so easy for me. But I know I'm right. But 127 00:05:43,800 --> 00:05:46,080 Speaker 2: it doesn't matter that there's not right or wrong. But 128 00:05:46,160 --> 00:05:46,720 Speaker 2: most of the. 129 00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:49,960 Speaker 1: Time news is matter of fact. Anytime I tell you 130 00:05:49,960 --> 00:05:53,560 Speaker 1: guys you're right, I know you're not right. I just 131 00:05:54,760 --> 00:05:58,240 Speaker 1: I just want to That's it's that easy. Let's come back, 132 00:05:58,600 --> 00:06:02,239 Speaker 1: kiss FM. I have some Taylor movie tickets for you. 133 00:06:02,400 --> 00:06:02,880 Speaker 2: In a minute.