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Speaker 1: Hi everybody. Hi, it's Chelsea and Catherine.

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Speaker 2: Hi.

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Speaker 1: Hi, we're here podcasting.

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Speaker 2: Here in Los Angeles. It's finally almost summer.

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Speaker 3: Yes, it is summer, even though it's going to be

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Speaker 3: summer all year round from now on because our planet

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Speaker 3: is dying unfortunately.

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Speaker 2: That is correct.

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Speaker 1: Welcome to the show.

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Speaker 2: Just a little uplifting positivity for your Oh.

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Speaker 1: You know who's specially. I watched Hannah Gatsby. Yes, not

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Speaker 1: a new one. No, I watched both of her. I

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Speaker 1: watched her second.

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Speaker 3: I had seen her first one. I didn't realize I

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Speaker 3: had missed one. So there was a second one, which

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Speaker 3: is fucking awesome. And then I watched her third one,

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Speaker 3: which is also awesome. But the second one she has

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Speaker 3: the best closing line.

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Speaker 1: It's so good.

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Speaker 3: The second one is really good. I would really recommend

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Speaker 3: everyone see it. It's called Douglas.

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Speaker 2: I am just looking at this. I saw something about

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Speaker 2: it a couple days ago. I'm gonna have to check

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Speaker 2: it out.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, when we're on the road, we just have like

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Speaker 3: these transport vands. They have TVs in them that we all.

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Speaker 3: You know, it's kind of like a mini tour bus

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Speaker 3: for if it's like a two or three hour drive.

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Speaker 3: So we watch all sorts of stuff. And we watched

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Speaker 3: Jennifer Lopez's Mother. That was absolutely ridiculous. I mean, like, what,

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Speaker 3: it's the same movie that Eric Bannon did when he

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Speaker 3: was stuck in the woods with his daughter, but now

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Speaker 3: it's Jennifer Lopez and it's just ridiculous.

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Speaker 1: First of all, she's too beautiful to pay attention to

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Speaker 1: any storyline.

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Speaker 3: It doesn't I mean, I guess that's why they do

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Speaker 3: these movies, because it doesn't matter.

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Speaker 2: She's just like sparkly and glowy and greta.

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Speaker 1: It was just yeah.

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Speaker 2: So anyway, I love a fun, silly movie. We watched

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Speaker 2: a girlfriend of mine came over and we love to

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Speaker 2: watch horror movies and thrillers. We watched this movie called Fall,

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Speaker 2: which is the entire movie is these two girls stuck

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Speaker 2: at the top of like a TV tower and they

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Speaker 2: have to like figure out how to get down. We're like,

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Speaker 2: how do you set an hour and a half movie

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Speaker 2: up there? But it was actually had a surprising fun

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Speaker 2: twist and was pretty good. I like a good bad

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Speaker 2: movie sometimes, you know what.

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Speaker 3: The best show that I've seen recently, obviously, Succession is

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Speaker 3: in the top five of course all time.

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Speaker 1: H is the Elizabeth also Love and Death, Love and Death.

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Speaker 3: Yes, that girl is so fucking talented and such a

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Speaker 3: good actress.

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Speaker 1: Everyone in that is so good. Yeah, that was great.

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Speaker 1: Great television. Have you seen did you watch Jury Duty? No?

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Speaker 2: Oh my goodness, it's on Amazon. It's like sort of

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Speaker 2: documentary style. It's about like they do a documentary of

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Speaker 2: going to jury duty in la and everyone is an

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Speaker 2: actor except for one guy who doesn't know everybody else's actors.

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Speaker 2: And it is one of my favorite things that I've

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Speaker 2: watched in a long time. It is so fun. James

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Speaker 2: Marsden is in it as sort of like the actor

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Speaker 2: who got hauled into jury duty, and it's it's really really.

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Speaker 1: And everyone else is not a famous actor.

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Speaker 2: No, yeah, like a couple people are from Parks and

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Speaker 2: record this, this, that and the other thing.

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Speaker 3: That's an original idea, right, and it just is the

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Speaker 3: most charming, wonderful thing.

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Speaker 2: The guy who doesn't know that it's all a ruse

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Speaker 2: is like such a sweet, angelic kid who like wants

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Speaker 2: the best for everybody and just as like everything is

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Speaker 2: so many weird things keep happening.

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Speaker 1: It's really really to I.

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Speaker 3: Had something very strange happened, and it was on Mother's Day.

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Speaker 3: My mother is always fucking with me from wherever she

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Speaker 3: is hanging out, which is I think, right over my head.

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Speaker 3: But I have these earrings, these light earrings that I wear.

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Speaker 1: And I woke up in New York. I was in

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Speaker 1: New York last week.

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Speaker 3: I woke up my earring was gone out of one

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Speaker 3: ear and the other one was in one ear, and

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Speaker 3: I was like, I lost that one.

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Speaker 1: I get home that.

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Speaker 3: Night, I don't see it anywhere. I wake up in

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Speaker 3: the morning and the earrings in my ear no. And

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Speaker 3: I was like, okay, well I was either stoned or

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Speaker 3: drunk or something, and I messed that up. The next night,

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Speaker 3: I go to bed, I wake up, the earrings out

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Speaker 3: of the other ear. I go in the bed, I'm

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Speaker 3: looking for like my earring. I don't find it, and

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Speaker 3: I'm like, okay. I come home and I wake up

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Speaker 3: in the morning and my earrings back in my ear

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Speaker 3: That's wow. The second time, I said to my security,

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Speaker 3: I said to my assistant, I said to my crew,

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Speaker 3: I was like, guys, I just want you to know

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Speaker 3: I had no earing in It happened a third time.

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Speaker 1: I go, oh, my earring's missing again.

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Speaker 3: And I said to Carla, I'm like, I'm telling you,

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Speaker 3: this has happened two nights in a row. I didn't

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Speaker 3: say anything because it sounds so so crazy, but so

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Speaker 3: I kept it to myself because I'm like, only I

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Speaker 3: need to know.

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Speaker 1: About these things.

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Speaker 3: And I said, I just want you to know this

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Speaker 3: earring's gone. Right, guys, look at my ear it's gone.

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Speaker 1: And they're all like, yeah, you idiot. Whatever.

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Speaker 3: And then next morning, guess whose earring was back in?

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Speaker 3: Three times it happened to.

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Speaker 1: Me, what what do you think it was again?

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Speaker 3: This one is in and this one's out. I woke

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Speaker 3: up this morning and it's pressing again. What And so

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Speaker 3: I'm just like waiting for something my mother to put

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Speaker 3: it back in my ear It's so crazy.

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Speaker 2: Maybe she really likes that pair of earrings.

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Speaker 3: My mom would totally do. I just didn't think they

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Speaker 3: could touch you, but who knows? Why not touch you?

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Speaker 2: Do you ever have those like oh you do, like

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Speaker 2: those little like stones and crystals and things.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I meditate with crystals like a real mess.

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Speaker 2: Are so brad And I have a reiki lady back

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Speaker 2: in US. We go Illinois and she's like Yeah, when

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Speaker 2: you don't need them anymore, they'll wander off, and it's

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Speaker 2: absolutely true they do, and then sometimes they wander right

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Speaker 2: back into your life. It's the weirdest thing.

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Speaker 1: The people from the little rocks, oh, the little crystals.

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Speaker 2: It's like when you don't need them, they like disappear,

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Speaker 2: and then sometimes they'll reappear, like I keep some in

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Speaker 2: my purse, and like sometimes one of them will wander

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Speaker 2: away maybe never come back, and then maybe I'll come

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Speaker 2: back like a year later. It's the weirdest thing. It's weird.

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Speaker 1: It's weird.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. Even Brad has a little what do you call it,

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Speaker 2: your love rock, You're it's my adventure stone, his adventurous downe.

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Speaker 2: It's a good reminder of good things to come. Chelsea.

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Speaker 2: I have some very fun updates.

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Speaker 1: Oh okay.

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Speaker 2: This email is from Julia. She says I was the

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Speaker 2: private chef considering moving to the Pacific Northwest on the

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Speaker 2: Psychic Medium episode. I made the move, still getting my

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Speaker 2: footage and figuring out a new routine on my own.

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Speaker 2: But I just listened to the Dylan mulvaney episode with

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Speaker 2: Dane who's trans and doesn't have a big community in Portland.

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Speaker 2: I'm a sis woman, but I thought i'd see if

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Speaker 2: he wanted to be connected, just to have a friend,

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Speaker 2: especially since I'm new since February and don't know too

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Speaker 2: many people. I live in Vancouver, so just across the bridge.

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Speaker 2: Thank you again, Julia, and I got so many emails

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Speaker 2: from people being like, I'm in Portland, I'm trans or

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Speaker 2: I'm in Portland. I'd love to reach out to Dane,

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Speaker 2: and so I passed him along all of those.

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Speaker 1: Is that amazing? Yeah, nice listeners, you guys. I just

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Speaker 1: way to build a community.

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Speaker 2: I know, I love it, and I love it. It was

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Speaker 2: just a caller from recently who's going to get connected.

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Speaker 2: Another update from Meg, who had the new baby. She

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Speaker 2: was Mormon divorcing her husband on our Heather Gay episode,

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Speaker 2: so she says, Dear Chelsea, Heather and Catherine, I got

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Speaker 2: to listen back to your advice when the Bad Mormon

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Speaker 2: episode was released and I needed to reach out to

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Speaker 2: thank you. Your advice remains as grounding and centering as

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Speaker 2: the day we met, even more so now that my

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Speaker 2: ex has a new girlfriend. Chelsea was so right. The

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Speaker 2: fear of it was far worse than the reality. We

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Speaker 2: found a place for me soon to be ex husbands girlfriend.

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Speaker 2: Yes outside of their house than uh, it's walking distance

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Speaker 2: from my house, and we'll continue to co parent from

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Speaker 2: a safer emotional distance starting next week. In watching my

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Speaker 2: ex be free and date, I think it's safe to

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Speaker 2: say that, as Heather predicted, my hoore phase has definitely begun.

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Speaker 2: I've found myself a talented, super hot hook up for

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Speaker 2: now who has hey yeah, who has graciously accepted the

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Speaker 2: challenge of scheduling casual sex around a mom's shared custody agreement.

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Speaker 2: I'm not ready for anything serious, but when i am,

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Speaker 2: I'll be sure to use your incredibly kind remarks about

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Speaker 2: my cuteness to hype me up before each date. Please

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Speaker 2: know I was sitting in front of a seasonal depression

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Speaker 2: lamp that would make anyone look super hot. Also, my

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Speaker 2: principal from a school I worked in years ago called

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Speaker 2: me up out of the blue and is working with

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Speaker 2: me to design a position at the school in which

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Speaker 2: I will be a social emotional behavioral coach for students

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Speaker 2: as I apply for counseling psychology programs in the fall,

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Speaker 2: which is awesome because that was like one of her

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Speaker 2: concerns bringing in money and that guy just contacted.

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Speaker 1: Her out of the blood.

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Speaker 3: That is called when you get your ducks in a row,

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Speaker 3: the good things come your way. Yes, yes, when you

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Speaker 3: raise your frequency, people with raised frequencies come your way,

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Speaker 3: and opportunity arises, and then abundance.

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Speaker 2: And this next line I loved. She goes very little

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Speaker 2: is settled, for sure, but so much is taking shape.

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Speaker 2: I'm so grateful for your wonderful advice that helped and

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Speaker 2: is still helping me to stay patient and strong and

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Speaker 2: so many moments of uncertainty.

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Speaker 1: Chelsea.

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Speaker 2: You mentioned in a recent podcast you'd like to hop

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Speaker 2: off the karmic wheel for a while and be a

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Speaker 2: light worker or something.

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Speaker 1: Did I so, I was pretty stoned.

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Speaker 2: I know what you meant, and I hope you're granted

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Speaker 2: a much deserved reprieve next lifetime. But I also hope

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Speaker 2: you know the work you're doing here on Earth now

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Speaker 2: is light work on a grand scale. The ripples go

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Speaker 2: farther than you'll ever get to see. Thank you all

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Speaker 2: for your kindness, authenticity and light in the world. With

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Speaker 2: love and gratitude.

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Speaker 1: Meg, That's nice, very so wonderful, good good.

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Speaker 3: I'm hoping this podcast absolves me of going straight to

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Speaker 3: fucking hell.

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Speaker 1: I think so.

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Speaker 2: Well, Chelsea. We're going to head into our calling in

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Speaker 2: backup segment with Better Help, who is sponsoring this segment,

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Speaker 2: and today Courtney Cope is joining us licensed marriage family

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Speaker 2: therapist and principal clinical operations manager at Betterhelp. Hi Courtney, Hi, Courtney, Hi,

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Speaker 2: great to see you both. Hi well, Angela writes Dear Chelsea.

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Speaker 2: Before I go any further, I just want to point

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Speaker 2: out that I love my mother in law dearly, but

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Speaker 2: I really could use some advice on how to deal

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Speaker 2: with her in certain situations. I need to rewind a

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Speaker 2: bit before I was in the picture. My partner, who

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Speaker 2: now thirty seven, lost his sister to cancer when she

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Speaker 2: was just fifteen and he was ten. As anyone can imagine,

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Speaker 2: this completely broke them as a family and changed them completely.

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Speaker 2: We have a one year old little boy, and since

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Speaker 2: having him, I have so much more empathy for what

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Speaker 2: they all went through. However, every time we're together, his

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Speaker 2: mom breaks down in tears. The crying isn't always about

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Speaker 2: her late daughter. Of course, I will always comfort and

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Speaker 2: listen when she speaks about her. This will never be

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Speaker 2: an issue for me, but it can be over anything.

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Speaker 2: It can be over casual conversation about the weather, about

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Speaker 2: what books we're reading, even what we may be having

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Speaker 2: for tea that evening. A lot of the conversations we have,

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Speaker 2: I find she often puts a negative, debbie downer spin

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Speaker 2: on it. She'll cry and get emotional at other people's

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Speaker 2: problems too, even people she barely knows. But lately, I

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Speaker 2: just feel like every time we're due to see her,

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Speaker 2: I instantly start to feel miserable. It's like I'm anticipating

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Speaker 2: the emotions that are about to come, and I feel

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Speaker 2: like the life and happiness has been drained from me

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Speaker 2: when I leave her. She also has a tendency to

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Speaker 2: make everything about her, which is extremely annoying. I completely

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Speaker 2: understand why she has this dark side to her, given

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Speaker 2: everything that's happened in the past. I'd never want her

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Speaker 2: to feel like she can't talk about her daughter to me.

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Speaker 2: I'll hold her hand and cry and laugh on the occasion,

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Speaker 2: but I can't deal with the constant downing of everything else.

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Speaker 2: So do you have any advice on how I can

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Speaker 2: handle this going forward. I always try and make light

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Speaker 2: of the situations, but it rarely works. Thanks for taking

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Speaker 2: the time to read this Angela.

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Speaker 4: Well, Angela, I can't tell you how many therapy sessions

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Speaker 4: I've had that started off with. First of all, I

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Speaker 4: want to point out that I love my mother in law, dearlief,

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Speaker 4: but so again super common. I want to say, I

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Speaker 4: don't think this is a question about grief. This is

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Speaker 4: really a question about this woman is feeling trapped and

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Speaker 4: not like she can do anything about the situation or

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Speaker 4: that her efforts to change it in the past had

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Speaker 4: been unsuccessful. And ideally, in a situation like this, I

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Speaker 4: would love to see husband and wife sit down to

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Speaker 4: you together, discuss this as a unit, and perhaps even

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Speaker 4: take two to three sessions with a couple's therapists to

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Speaker 4: explore some solutions, because this is really about the husband,

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Speaker 4: the wife, and now their new one year old child

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Speaker 4: as a unit, deciding how they want to move forward

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Speaker 4: with the relationship with his parents in a way that

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Speaker 4: works for their family unit.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I think that's good advice because you do need

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Speaker 3: like a team member because she does feel so trapped,

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Speaker 3: Like the idea of having to hang out with somebody

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Speaker 3: that's such a Debbie downer and knowing that it's an

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Speaker 3: obligation of yours by way of marriage isn't fair. It's

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Speaker 3: just not only to a degree and you've reached your limit.

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Speaker 4: It sounds like right, And the general consensus among most

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Speaker 4: couples therapy experts is that it's really important that an

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Speaker 4: adult child, when they're now engaging in an intimate adult

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Speaker 4: relationship like a marriage, a domestic partnership, they have to

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Speaker 4: choose their partner over their parent. And what I mean

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Speaker 4: by that is, if something isn't working for their partner

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Speaker 4: or something's affecting them partner, they have to prioritize their

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Speaker 4: partner's feelings over their parents in order to be able

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Speaker 4: to move forward and have a healthy, well not only

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Speaker 4: a healthy relationship, but a healthy adult experience, because no

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Speaker 4: adult should be under the thumb of their mother or

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Speaker 4: father's will imperpetuity, right, that would just hinder them as

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Speaker 4: an adult for the rest of their life. So that

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Speaker 4: would be what I would say about that. But also

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Speaker 4: I just of course have to say losing a child

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Speaker 4: is of course considered one of the most ultimate tragedies

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Speaker 4: and of course is going to impact somebody for the

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Speaker 4: rest of their life in.

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Speaker 5: Some way or another.

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Speaker 4: That being said, it is not this person's job to

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Speaker 4: be their mother in law's therapist to sit down and

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Speaker 4: find solutions specific.

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Speaker 1: For their mother in law.

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Speaker 4: So this is really I think about the husband and

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Speaker 4: wife having constructive conversations here.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, absolutely, because it is his responsibility to get the

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Speaker 3: situation started.

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Speaker 1: You know, it's his mom.

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Speaker 2: And when that moment comes and you're like sitting around

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Speaker 2: the table talking about literally the weather, and she breaks

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Speaker 2: down in tears.

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Speaker 1: What's the move?

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Speaker 2: I mean, my instinct is to be like, I'm going

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Speaker 2: to give you a couple minutes, like they're ver, I'm

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Speaker 2: going to give you a couple of minutes and walk away,

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Speaker 2: But like that also feels a little icy cold from me.

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Speaker 2: What's what's the move to like sort of break the

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Speaker 2: cycle that she knows is coming multiple times in every visit.

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Speaker 4: Right, in an ideal world, we would have husband and

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Speaker 4: wife ahead of time, deciding like, hey, if mom starts

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Speaker 4: crying or mother in law starts crying at this visit,

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Speaker 4: husband is gonna step in and he's gonna take over

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Speaker 4: say something. Wife can excuse herself whatever it is, but

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Speaker 4: let's just say it's just her and mother in law.

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Speaker 5: Right.

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Speaker 4: I don't think there's anything wrong with deciding ahead of time,

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Speaker 4: What do I have capacity for if I don't want

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Speaker 4: to go down this road for more than fifteen seconds

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Speaker 4: or thirty five seconds. Doing exactly what you you said,

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Speaker 4: Catherine is totally appropriate, Like I hear you and I'm

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Speaker 4: gonna step outside and get some fresh air. You know,

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Speaker 4: I'm gonna go pour another cup of tea. Anything to

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Speaker 4: pattern interrupt would be really useful. But the other thing

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Speaker 4: I would also encourage is to have husband and wife

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Speaker 4: ahead of time, maybe start looking at the ways they're

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Speaker 4: spending time with mother in law and if there's ways

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Speaker 4: they can redirect that quality time together into avenues that

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Speaker 4: maybe won't bring it about as much. Now I want

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Speaker 4: to acknowledge they might be limited. They have a one

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Speaker 4: year old, so it's not like they can take the

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Speaker 4: one year old and just like go to theater or

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Speaker 4: movies with the mother.

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Speaker 1: About taking your mother's skiing, I hear Chelsea's good at that.

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Speaker 4: So they definitely want to do things that are not

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Speaker 4: just sitting and staring at each other across from their

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Speaker 4: cup of tea, right because that's going to invite probably

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Speaker 4: conversations that they don't want to have. So thinking ahead

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Speaker 4: of time of what they could do having a plan

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Speaker 4: with her husband that if it does come up, what's

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Speaker 4: he going to do to step in. And then the

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Speaker 4: last thing I'll say is, if someone is going to

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Speaker 4: speak directly to the mother in law about her behavior

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Speaker 4: or her grief or how anything she's doing is impacting anyone,

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Speaker 4: it has to be from the husband. I would say

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Speaker 4: it would be very difficult for that conversation to go

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Speaker 4: well if it came from the wife. And if it

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Speaker 4: comes from the husband, him and his mom have a

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Speaker 4: shared experience of grief. They both lost a loved one,

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Speaker 4: and so I think even for him to be able

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Speaker 4: to say, you know, I get it. It's so hard.

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Speaker 4: We lost this person that we love and I'm working

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Speaker 4: to be more in the moment, and I'd love for

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Speaker 4: you to be more in the moment with me. Just

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Speaker 4: something that relates to her instead of shaming her blaming her,

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Speaker 4: I think would be really important here.

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Speaker 2: I really love that. Well, Courtney, Thank you. Courtney Cope

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Speaker 2: is a licensed marriage and family therapist and principal clinical

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Speaker 2: operations manager at Betterhelp. And of course, thank you again

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Speaker 2: to Better Help for sponsoring calling him back up.

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Speaker 4: Thanks so much for having me.

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Speaker 2: Thanks cordingks so let's take a quick break and we'll

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Speaker 2: be right back to take some callers.

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Speaker 3: Okay, and we're back.

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Speaker 2: We are all right. Our first two questions are kind

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Speaker 2: of two sides of the same coin, so I was

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Speaker 2: really curious what you'll have to say about tho, Chelsea.

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Speaker 2: Our first question comes from Michael. He's in Palm Springs.

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Speaker 2: Dear Chelsea, I've been a sex researcher for the past

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Speaker 2: twenty years. In my field, I've worked closely with some

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Speaker 2: of the smartest women possible. I've studied women and men

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Speaker 2: my entire career, from their sexual practices to their relationships,

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Speaker 2: to their use of vibrators and other toys. My research

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Speaker 2: partners have largely been women, and most of my true

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Speaker 2: best friends are women. However, I'm starting to develop a

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Speaker 2: sense of anger at some women, loud straight women, and

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Speaker 2: I can't seem to shake it. A few years ago,

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Speaker 2: I left my academic career to move to Palm Springs

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Speaker 2: with my husband, who got a job offer we couldn't refuse.

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Speaker 2: You know what that means. Literally everyone I interact with

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Speaker 2: is a gay man in this city, and I'm rarely

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Speaker 2: around women unless a friend comes to visit. My husband

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Speaker 2: and I go hiking several times per week in the

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Speaker 2: local mountains. Almost every time we run into a group

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Speaker 2: of young women, loud, screaming women who literally never shut

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Speaker 2: up during the entire hike. They're always screaming about some randomness,

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Speaker 2: and you can just hear their voices regardless of how

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Speaker 2: far ahead we get past them. They are pushing me

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Speaker 2: over the edge. If it's a woman with a man,

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Speaker 2: the woman is always talking. I don't understand why they

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Speaker 2: can't just enjoy the beauty of the desert and shut

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Speaker 2: the fuck up every now and then. And it's not

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Speaker 2: just hiking. For some reason, every group of women that

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Speaker 2: comes to Palm Springs thinks that they are just what

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Speaker 2: gay men are waiting for to make their day. They

400
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Speaker 2: come into gay bars and packs and literally scream the

401
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Speaker 2: entire time, acting like they're doing something original and that

402
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Speaker 2: we should appreciate that they came to a gay bar.

403
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Speaker 2: On a recent podcast, you said you have a friend

404
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Speaker 2: who never shuts the fuck up, so I know you

405
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Speaker 2: can relate, but I do need some advice. Am I

406
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Speaker 2: just being a prick and becoming sexist? Or is it

407
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Speaker 2: really the case that some women just don't ever stop talking?

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Speaker 2: I don't want to confront these women. What could I

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Speaker 2: possibly say? So I'm just carrying around this anger and

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Speaker 2: anxiety about them instead. Any advice you can offer would

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Speaker 2: be much appreciated. Michael.

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Speaker 1: Hi, Michael. First of all, this is a you problem.

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Speaker 1: These women are. They're out in public spaces.

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Speaker 3: I understand that you want your bar to yourself without

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Speaker 3: these loud, obnoxious women, but you cannot. That's too discriminatory

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Speaker 3: to say you can't come in here. I don't want

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Speaker 3: you here on my hike. I don't want you here

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Speaker 3: in my gay bar. Like this reminds me of an

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Speaker 3: article I read over the weekend about they were making

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Speaker 3: in South Korea. They have public spaces that are child

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Speaker 3: free zones where you're not allowed to have children, but

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Speaker 3: it's a public space. And even I don't agree with that.

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Speaker 3: My children are a part of our human family. You

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Speaker 3: don't have to have them, but you can't outlaw them,

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Speaker 3: like if I mean, and this is me, everybody, like

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Speaker 3: we all know how I feel. So like I was

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Speaker 3: just like South Korea, what the fuck? You're in a

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Speaker 3: park and they're like, no children in this area.

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Speaker 1: I don't I'm not.

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Speaker 2: A non smoking that's a private business.

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Speaker 3: If you have a business, fine, you know, and you

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Speaker 3: want to do that, that's that's one thing. But public

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00:20:19,119 --> 00:20:22,679
Speaker 3: areas are for everybody, whether you agree with them or

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Speaker 3: you disagree with them. Now, why you're so irritated by

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Speaker 3: these women is an inside question for you that you

436
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Speaker 3: need to figure out, because sometimes you can tolerate people

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Speaker 3: that are annoying, and sometimes people.

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Speaker 1: Can't tolerate people that are annoying.

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Speaker 3: And I understand, believe me, I'm a highly irritable person.

440
00:20:40,640 --> 00:20:43,399
Speaker 3: But you can't let people that have nothing to do

441
00:20:43,480 --> 00:20:45,720
Speaker 3: with your life impact you that way because they're in

442
00:20:45,880 --> 00:20:48,520
Speaker 3: hearing distance of what you're doing. So you have to

443
00:20:49,040 --> 00:20:53,160
Speaker 3: figure out a way to cultivate more patients. Because if

444
00:20:53,200 --> 00:20:56,199
Speaker 3: I know anything it is that patience is a virtue.

445
00:20:56,280 --> 00:20:58,919
Speaker 3: I have no natural patience. I've had to work on

446
00:20:58,960 --> 00:21:01,720
Speaker 3: it my well, I wouldn't say my entire life, because

447
00:21:01,760 --> 00:21:03,480
Speaker 3: I only came to like grips with the fact that

448
00:21:03,480 --> 00:21:05,760
Speaker 3: I had no patience until you know, later in life.

449
00:21:05,920 --> 00:21:08,920
Speaker 1: But I do exercise patience and it is a practice.

450
00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:11,640
Speaker 3: So you have to figure out a way to let

451
00:21:11,680 --> 00:21:15,840
Speaker 3: yourself not be so impacted by other people's actions, behaviors

452
00:21:15,920 --> 00:21:20,440
Speaker 3: or sounds. You might also have you know, what's called hyperacusis,

453
00:21:20,480 --> 00:21:24,560
Speaker 3: which is which is when you have very strong sensitivity

454
00:21:24,600 --> 00:21:28,320
Speaker 3: to sound. I think that's what hypercasus means. I'm pretty

455
00:21:28,359 --> 00:21:31,440
Speaker 3: sure I have that towards smell. And I also don't

456
00:21:31,480 --> 00:21:34,440
Speaker 3: like loud loud sounds, which is ironic since I'm the

457
00:21:34,480 --> 00:21:37,400
Speaker 3: loudest one in the room. I probably don't like the competition.

458
00:21:38,240 --> 00:21:40,359
Speaker 3: But yes, I think you need to figure out a

459
00:21:40,400 --> 00:21:42,600
Speaker 3: way to work on your patients, whether that's through meditation

460
00:21:43,119 --> 00:21:45,720
Speaker 3: or mantra or going to therapy.

461
00:21:46,160 --> 00:21:48,400
Speaker 1: But you have to be tolerant of other people. That's

462
00:21:48,440 --> 00:21:49,560
Speaker 1: just the way this world is.

463
00:21:49,760 --> 00:21:52,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I do think, you know, while he thinks

464
00:21:52,840 --> 00:21:55,240
Speaker 2: that it's women, I think, Michael, you have to realize,

465
00:21:55,280 --> 00:21:57,760
Speaker 2: like what you actually hate are bachelorette parties.

466
00:21:58,000 --> 00:22:00,520
Speaker 1: Like that feels like what this issue is.

467
00:22:00,600 --> 00:22:03,840
Speaker 3: Yea, And in that case, you need to leave Bomb Springs.

468
00:22:04,400 --> 00:22:07,440
Speaker 3: You need to find a completely different place to live.

469
00:22:07,680 --> 00:22:09,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's where they're all headed.

470
00:22:09,680 --> 00:22:12,000
Speaker 2: I had a little bit of this going on where

471
00:22:12,040 --> 00:22:14,480
Speaker 2: I was like, sometimes young people would be being loud

472
00:22:14,560 --> 00:22:17,040
Speaker 2: or whatever, and I realized, like, I'm getting a little older,

473
00:22:17,320 --> 00:22:18,879
Speaker 2: and I had to reframe a little bit and be

474
00:22:19,000 --> 00:22:21,639
Speaker 2: like I'll remember when I was young and dumb and

475
00:22:21,680 --> 00:22:23,800
Speaker 2: fun and loud, and I was just having a great time.

476
00:22:24,040 --> 00:22:26,040
Speaker 2: And now it weirdly makes me smile. Like when I

477
00:22:26,119 --> 00:22:28,800
Speaker 2: see teenagers and they're just sort of being obnoxious or silly,

478
00:22:29,080 --> 00:22:32,160
Speaker 2: I'm like, you know what, good for them? Like good

479
00:22:32,240 --> 00:22:35,000
Speaker 2: for them, And if you can't outrun them on your hike,

480
00:22:35,520 --> 00:22:38,480
Speaker 2: just stop and look at some beautiful cacti and let

481
00:22:38,520 --> 00:22:41,280
Speaker 2: them walk on ahead, because that way you'll definitely like

482
00:22:41,440 --> 00:22:43,240
Speaker 2: have a better chance of not being able to hear them.

483
00:22:43,880 --> 00:22:45,640
Speaker 2: But I do love that he wrote into two very

484
00:22:45,640 --> 00:22:49,480
Speaker 2: loud women up with this question. So our next question

485
00:22:49,640 --> 00:22:51,439
Speaker 2: is a little bit of the flip side of that.

486
00:22:51,640 --> 00:22:54,680
Speaker 2: This comes from Jolene Dear Chelsea. I was at your

487
00:22:54,680 --> 00:22:58,359
Speaker 2: Spokane show and it was great. However, at the show,

488
00:22:58,480 --> 00:23:00,399
Speaker 2: I was on the first level of the bell and

489
00:23:00,440 --> 00:23:02,879
Speaker 2: there was a group of women behind and in front

490
00:23:02,920 --> 00:23:06,240
Speaker 2: who were talking throughout the whole show. I tried really

491
00:23:06,280 --> 00:23:09,280
Speaker 2: hard to ignore it, but my ADHD self couldn't. It

492
00:23:09,320 --> 00:23:12,680
Speaker 2: was very distracting and disappointing. I love going to stand

493
00:23:12,760 --> 00:23:14,480
Speaker 2: up and for the most part, this doesn't seem to

494
00:23:14,520 --> 00:23:16,840
Speaker 2: be a big issue, but when it does, it really

495
00:23:16,880 --> 00:23:20,480
Speaker 2: gets to me. It feels disrespectful. Maybe I'm too sensitive?

496
00:23:20,800 --> 00:23:23,080
Speaker 2: How do you suggest dealing with this? Do I suck

497
00:23:23,119 --> 00:23:25,199
Speaker 2: it up as I did? I know they paid for

498
00:23:25,240 --> 00:23:27,800
Speaker 2: their tickets too, so I don't get any special privilege.

499
00:23:28,000 --> 00:23:29,960
Speaker 2: Should I say something in the future, And how would

500
00:23:30,000 --> 00:23:33,040
Speaker 2: you recommend saying something? The group of women behind me

501
00:23:33,160 --> 00:23:35,840
Speaker 2: was clearly intoxicated, and I didn't want to say something

502
00:23:35,920 --> 00:23:38,680
Speaker 2: that would end up causing further disruption. I know that

503
00:23:38,720 --> 00:23:41,399
Speaker 2: people can be totally unaware of how they're impacting others,

504
00:23:41,640 --> 00:23:43,600
Speaker 2: and I'm sure that there were people around me that

505
00:23:43,680 --> 00:23:46,800
Speaker 2: weren't as bothered as I was. Any thoughts would be appreciated.

506
00:23:46,960 --> 00:23:50,880
Speaker 3: Jolene Well, I would say in that circumstance that it's

507
00:23:50,920 --> 00:23:55,040
Speaker 3: okay to say something to someone because you're at a performance.

508
00:23:54,720 --> 00:23:55,760
Speaker 1: That you paid money for.

509
00:23:56,200 --> 00:23:58,960
Speaker 3: And just because they paid money for their tickets doesn't

510
00:23:58,960 --> 00:24:01,639
Speaker 3: mean that they get to MP. You're being able to

511
00:24:01,760 --> 00:24:05,160
Speaker 3: enjoy the show, right And if they were being really loud, yes,

512
00:24:05,280 --> 00:24:07,919
Speaker 3: you can go and just very nicely say hey, ladies,

513
00:24:07,920 --> 00:24:10,360
Speaker 3: I'm so sorry, can you please? I can't hear anything,

514
00:24:10,800 --> 00:24:12,640
Speaker 3: and you can try and do it in a nice way.

515
00:24:12,680 --> 00:24:13,600
Speaker 1: And if they don't listen.

516
00:24:13,640 --> 00:24:15,479
Speaker 3: Then I would just go get security and be like

517
00:24:15,520 --> 00:24:17,560
Speaker 3: I can't hear, Like that's what security's for.

518
00:24:17,880 --> 00:24:19,680
Speaker 1: Listen. There are a lot of drunk people at my show,

519
00:24:19,680 --> 00:24:20,920
Speaker 1: and a lot of people get.

520
00:24:20,720 --> 00:24:24,640
Speaker 3: Removed when they can't control themselves because you know they can't,

521
00:24:24,680 --> 00:24:26,240
Speaker 3: they're ruining the show for other people.

522
00:24:26,320 --> 00:24:28,880
Speaker 2: So do you think that happens like every show or

523
00:24:28,960 --> 00:24:32,440
Speaker 2: like shows like I've heard this before where people are

524
00:24:32,440 --> 00:24:32,960
Speaker 2: like I couldn't.

525
00:24:33,000 --> 00:24:35,040
Speaker 1: I was sitting by these group of women that were

526
00:24:35,040 --> 00:24:35,800
Speaker 1: so obnoxious.

527
00:24:36,040 --> 00:24:37,680
Speaker 3: I mean, no one goes to a stand up comedy

528
00:24:37,680 --> 00:24:40,960
Speaker 3: show to hear somebody else talk, So like just and

529
00:24:41,000 --> 00:24:42,920
Speaker 3: that's you can say that well.

530
00:24:43,000 --> 00:24:44,919
Speaker 2: And I loved this question too because I had an

531
00:24:44,960 --> 00:24:47,680
Speaker 2: experience like this a couple of years ago, pre pandemic,

532
00:24:47,880 --> 00:24:50,040
Speaker 2: Brad and I had traveled to San Diego. We'd driven

533
00:24:50,080 --> 00:24:52,120
Speaker 2: for hours, we had a hotel room for the weekend,

534
00:24:52,600 --> 00:24:55,040
Speaker 2: and we went to see my favorite murder live and

535
00:24:55,080 --> 00:24:58,760
Speaker 2: like it's a podcast, they're literally just talking. There's no spectacle.

536
00:24:58,880 --> 00:25:02,119
Speaker 2: It's two people talking so in chairs. And the gals

537
00:25:02,119 --> 00:25:03,800
Speaker 2: next to us they weren't drunk, but there were three

538
00:25:03,880 --> 00:25:07,000
Speaker 2: or four gals and they just were talking at full volume.

539
00:25:07,080 --> 00:25:10,520
Speaker 2: The entire time, and I eventually like nicely asked them

540
00:25:10,560 --> 00:25:13,119
Speaker 2: to be quiet, and they were so pissed at me,

541
00:25:13,400 --> 00:25:15,000
Speaker 2: like they were really upset.

542
00:25:15,200 --> 00:25:17,280
Speaker 1: Cares if they're pissed at you, you don't, I know, I know.

543
00:25:17,640 --> 00:25:20,200
Speaker 3: And when I hear anyone at my show, like if

544
00:25:20,200 --> 00:25:23,480
Speaker 3: it's disrupting my perform I always call them out, like, shut.

545
00:25:23,240 --> 00:25:26,479
Speaker 1: The fuck up. There's a thousands of people here that

546
00:25:26,520 --> 00:25:28,879
Speaker 1: want to listen to me. Yeah, like you're not you

547
00:25:28,960 --> 00:25:31,600
Speaker 1: can't get to talk right now. That's not what this

548
00:25:31,760 --> 00:25:33,240
Speaker 1: is about. It's not interactive.

549
00:25:33,720 --> 00:25:35,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, So there's a time and a place I think

550
00:25:35,600 --> 00:25:38,280
Speaker 3: when you say something to people, and absolutely that is

551
00:25:38,320 --> 00:25:40,160
Speaker 3: a time to say something to someone.

552
00:25:40,359 --> 00:25:41,480
Speaker 1: And in a nice, gentle way.

553
00:25:41,480 --> 00:25:42,960
Speaker 3: And if they don't hear you the first time, then

554
00:25:43,040 --> 00:25:45,679
Speaker 3: go get security and say I can't you know, I

555
00:25:45,680 --> 00:25:47,960
Speaker 3: don't this, I'm not enjoying myself. I can't hear anything

556
00:25:47,960 --> 00:25:50,199
Speaker 3: these women. I mean, yeah, people get removed from my

557
00:25:50,200 --> 00:25:51,520
Speaker 3: shows all the time for doing that.

558
00:25:51,920 --> 00:25:54,000
Speaker 2: And I would say, also, Joline, you know you thought

559
00:25:54,040 --> 00:25:56,040
Speaker 2: you were probably the only one having that issue with them,

560
00:25:56,080 --> 00:25:58,520
Speaker 2: like probably everyone else around you was also annoyed. I

561
00:25:58,560 --> 00:26:00,280
Speaker 2: would say, yeah, yeah.

562
00:26:00,040 --> 00:26:02,199
Speaker 3: As long as you don't start everything at like a ninety,

563
00:26:02,400 --> 00:26:04,760
Speaker 3: you know out of one hundred, and like start coming.

564
00:26:04,520 --> 00:26:06,560
Speaker 1: Up going yeah, yeah, I need you to cry.

565
00:26:06,840 --> 00:26:08,640
Speaker 3: You know, like as long as you're not approaching them

566
00:26:08,640 --> 00:26:10,879
Speaker 3: like that, and it's in a careful way, like in

567
00:26:10,960 --> 00:26:14,080
Speaker 3: a thoughtful way, then the reaction should be commensurate. And

568
00:26:14,119 --> 00:26:16,240
Speaker 3: if it isn't, then you know, you have to tell

569
00:26:16,280 --> 00:26:17,120
Speaker 3: on them.

570
00:26:19,040 --> 00:26:19,840
Speaker 1: A little tattling.

571
00:26:19,920 --> 00:26:24,000
Speaker 2: Never heard anybody well. Our first caller today is Lee.

572
00:26:24,800 --> 00:26:29,680
Speaker 2: Lee says, Dear Chelsea, help me decide which direction I

573
00:26:29,680 --> 00:26:31,760
Speaker 2: should take. As I approached this fork in the road

574
00:26:31,920 --> 00:26:35,199
Speaker 2: yet again. I graduated with a BA in psychology, but

575
00:26:35,400 --> 00:26:37,359
Speaker 2: after just a couple of years and a cross country

576
00:26:37,440 --> 00:26:40,439
Speaker 2: road trip, I decided to get my teaching certification. I

577
00:26:40,480 --> 00:26:44,440
Speaker 2: was looking for a dependable, respectable, and stable job. Unfortunately,

578
00:26:44,640 --> 00:26:48,159
Speaker 2: nine years later, this job has been anything but I

579
00:26:48,160 --> 00:26:50,760
Speaker 2: have officially been laid off due to budget cuts four

580
00:26:50,840 --> 00:26:54,080
Speaker 2: times now in nine years. I thought I finally found

581
00:26:54,080 --> 00:26:56,920
Speaker 2: a great school, but after only one year I found

582
00:26:56,920 --> 00:26:59,080
Speaker 2: out I was being let go again, along with forty

583
00:26:59,119 --> 00:27:02,480
Speaker 2: other teachers. I always had the same old lines, you're great,

584
00:27:02,520 --> 00:27:05,119
Speaker 2: it's not you. We'll help you find another position. But

585
00:27:05,200 --> 00:27:08,200
Speaker 2: I've heard it all before and feel so rejected and defeated.

586
00:27:08,840 --> 00:27:11,160
Speaker 2: Is it stupid to return to the classroom at another

587
00:27:11,200 --> 00:27:14,480
Speaker 2: school this would be my seventh school. Or is it

588
00:27:14,480 --> 00:27:16,560
Speaker 2: a sign from the universe to move on to something

589
00:27:16,600 --> 00:27:19,320
Speaker 2: bigger and better. Maybe the universe keeps sending me this

590
00:27:19,440 --> 00:27:21,600
Speaker 2: sign that I keep ignoring. Lee.

591
00:27:22,520 --> 00:27:24,720
Speaker 6: Hi, Lee, Hi, how are you?

592
00:27:24,920 --> 00:27:25,359
Speaker 1: I'm good?

593
00:27:25,440 --> 00:27:27,200
Speaker 7: How are you good?

594
00:27:27,720 --> 00:27:28,040
Speaker 1: Good?

595
00:27:28,440 --> 00:27:30,600
Speaker 2: Nice to see you do.

596
00:27:31,240 --> 00:27:33,320
Speaker 1: I can understand why you're so frustrated.

597
00:27:34,000 --> 00:27:37,400
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's a big hit to the self esteem as well.

598
00:27:38,280 --> 00:27:41,280
Speaker 3: Yeah, I selfishly, I don't think we can afford to

599
00:27:41,320 --> 00:27:43,560
Speaker 3: lose any more teachers. So part of me is just like,

600
00:27:43,640 --> 00:27:45,880
Speaker 3: please just stick with it, but talk to me about

601
00:27:45,880 --> 00:27:46,320
Speaker 3: your life.

602
00:27:46,480 --> 00:27:47,880
Speaker 1: I mean, you say you think it might be.

603
00:27:47,840 --> 00:27:50,159
Speaker 3: A sign that you're in the wrong, you're doing the

604
00:27:50,200 --> 00:27:54,879
Speaker 3: wrong thing. I don't know about that. I think that

605
00:27:55,000 --> 00:27:57,720
Speaker 3: sometimes things get really tough before you get to the

606
00:27:57,760 --> 00:28:00,000
Speaker 3: place where you're supposed to be right.

607
00:28:00,160 --> 00:28:02,920
Speaker 5: And that's what I'm starting to wonder now. But it's

608
00:28:02,920 --> 00:28:05,800
Speaker 5: just like you get jealous of the people who you

609
00:28:05,840 --> 00:28:08,880
Speaker 5: know been able to stay at one school for since

610
00:28:08,880 --> 00:28:12,040
Speaker 5: their whole career, when I've been at like probably six

611
00:28:12,119 --> 00:28:14,440
Speaker 5: in the past nine years. Because there's just so many

612
00:28:14,480 --> 00:28:18,040
Speaker 5: budget cuts, surprisingly in education. What state are you in

613
00:28:18,040 --> 00:28:18,800
Speaker 5: in New Jersey?

614
00:28:19,119 --> 00:28:20,159
Speaker 1: Uh huh?

615
00:28:20,200 --> 00:28:22,720
Speaker 3: And is there anything else that you're thinking about or

616
00:28:22,720 --> 00:28:24,160
Speaker 3: contemplating doing for a living.

617
00:28:24,800 --> 00:28:27,199
Speaker 5: I've thought about going back for guidance counseling, so then

618
00:28:27,200 --> 00:28:31,040
Speaker 5: it's like still in the school or just counseling in general.

619
00:28:31,320 --> 00:28:33,040
Speaker 7: I think that'd be cool, but I don't know.

620
00:28:33,320 --> 00:28:35,199
Speaker 5: I look at my husband and like, my parents have

621
00:28:35,280 --> 00:28:37,960
Speaker 5: these cushy like office jobs, and I'm like, well, that

622
00:28:38,040 --> 00:28:40,240
Speaker 5: seems kind of nice. They haven't been let go ever,

623
00:28:40,480 --> 00:28:42,400
Speaker 5: and I'm let go all the time.

624
00:28:42,960 --> 00:28:46,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, I understand that I wouldn't give up on teaching

625
00:28:46,080 --> 00:28:49,280
Speaker 3: because you're doing such like it's such a major contribution

626
00:28:49,440 --> 00:28:50,160
Speaker 3: to society.

627
00:28:50,920 --> 00:28:53,760
Speaker 1: And if you really can, what grade do you teach?

628
00:28:54,440 --> 00:28:57,360
Speaker 5: I've been teaching middle school, but I actually just accepted

629
00:28:57,400 --> 00:28:59,200
Speaker 5: a position in an elementary school.

630
00:28:59,320 --> 00:29:01,040
Speaker 1: So okay, so you're starting a new job.

631
00:29:01,640 --> 00:29:03,840
Speaker 5: Yeah, so I got let go right when I wrote

632
00:29:03,880 --> 00:29:06,440
Speaker 5: that letter, And then you know, I need a job.

633
00:29:06,480 --> 00:29:08,960
Speaker 5: I have two small kids, so I started applying right away.

634
00:29:09,120 --> 00:29:11,400
Speaker 5: And of course the teaching jobs are easy for me

635
00:29:11,440 --> 00:29:13,440
Speaker 5: to get because that's what you know, my resume is.

636
00:29:13,520 --> 00:29:15,480
Speaker 7: So yeah, I got something right away.

637
00:29:15,880 --> 00:29:18,000
Speaker 3: Okay, and is there any way you can do that

638
00:29:18,080 --> 00:29:21,000
Speaker 3: while you're also pursuing getting what would you what kind

639
00:29:21,000 --> 00:29:23,040
Speaker 3: of credentials do you need to become a guidance counselor.

640
00:29:23,640 --> 00:29:26,040
Speaker 5: It's a master's degree, which yeah, I could, but I

641
00:29:26,040 --> 00:29:28,640
Speaker 5: would love for the school to pay, and usually they

642
00:29:28,680 --> 00:29:30,840
Speaker 5: won't pay till you've worked there a couple of years.

643
00:29:32,160 --> 00:29:34,840
Speaker 1: I would say, try and see have you started this

644
00:29:34,880 --> 00:29:35,560
Speaker 1: new job yet.

645
00:29:35,720 --> 00:29:37,680
Speaker 5: No, it starts in September.

646
00:29:37,840 --> 00:29:40,560
Speaker 1: Oh well, that's exciting. I think take this new job.

647
00:29:40,800 --> 00:29:43,800
Speaker 3: Really set an intention about where you want this to go,

648
00:29:44,360 --> 00:29:47,400
Speaker 3: how you want to impact the children, how you want

649
00:29:47,400 --> 00:29:50,920
Speaker 3: to be of use within this school, and what you

650
00:29:50,960 --> 00:29:53,440
Speaker 3: want to contribute right. I think you should start from

651
00:29:53,440 --> 00:29:56,360
Speaker 3: that really, like set your intention so that you're really

652
00:29:56,400 --> 00:30:00,000
Speaker 3: mindful every day going in and really putting your best

653
00:30:00,080 --> 00:30:03,800
Speaker 3: foot forward and see what happens. And if this happens again,

654
00:30:04,360 --> 00:30:07,280
Speaker 3: then I would say, yeah, then you can start talking

655
00:30:07,280 --> 00:30:08,920
Speaker 3: about getting your master's degree.

656
00:30:09,040 --> 00:30:09,680
Speaker 1: I think you can.

657
00:30:09,640 --> 00:30:12,960
Speaker 3: Still start pursuing that anyway to become a guidance counselor.

658
00:30:13,000 --> 00:30:15,480
Speaker 3: I think that's a really helpful, you know, position for

659
00:30:15,520 --> 00:30:18,280
Speaker 3: people to be in. I remember my guidance counsel for

660
00:30:18,360 --> 00:30:20,720
Speaker 3: middle school. She saved my ass so many times. So

661
00:30:20,880 --> 00:30:23,600
Speaker 3: I have very fond memories of that relationship. But I

662
00:30:23,600 --> 00:30:26,920
Speaker 3: wouldn't take like a product of what our society is

663
00:30:26,960 --> 00:30:29,680
Speaker 3: dealing with in the education sector as a sign that

664
00:30:29,720 --> 00:30:32,880
Speaker 3: you're not in the right position. And I think sometimes

665
00:30:32,880 --> 00:30:34,840
Speaker 3: when you stick it out right, when you think you're

666
00:30:34,840 --> 00:30:37,959
Speaker 3: supposed to quit, it's the next thing that comes your

667
00:30:37,960 --> 00:30:39,160
Speaker 3: way that's the best one.

668
00:30:39,920 --> 00:30:42,320
Speaker 5: Yeah, that's I guess what I'm hoping, because I feel

669
00:30:42,320 --> 00:30:44,800
Speaker 5: like I can't make the decision to leave education kind

670
00:30:44,840 --> 00:30:47,920
Speaker 5: of like you're saying, unless it's on my terms, Like

671
00:30:47,960 --> 00:30:50,200
Speaker 5: maybe I get to stay and I work three more

672
00:30:50,280 --> 00:30:52,720
Speaker 5: years and I realized, oh, I'm the one who wants to.

673
00:30:52,760 --> 00:30:56,560
Speaker 3: Ah, yeah, absolutely, and how much I mean, you're willing

674
00:30:56,560 --> 00:30:59,200
Speaker 3: to make a go of this one? Yes, yes, yeah,

675
00:30:59,400 --> 00:31:02,600
Speaker 3: I would say just really go into this so wholeheartedly,

676
00:31:02,680 --> 00:31:05,600
Speaker 3: as wholeheartedly as you've ever gone into anything in your life.

677
00:31:06,040 --> 00:31:07,720
Speaker 1: And really, because I.

678
00:31:07,680 --> 00:31:11,160
Speaker 3: Think I'm not blaming your being you know, these cost

679
00:31:11,200 --> 00:31:14,200
Speaker 3: cuts or you being let go on you, but I'm

680
00:31:14,240 --> 00:31:16,760
Speaker 3: saying when you bring that energy into something and it's

681
00:31:16,800 --> 00:31:20,320
Speaker 3: consistent and it's really mindful, it works for you, and

682
00:31:20,360 --> 00:31:22,280
Speaker 3: you'll start to see the effect that you're having on

683
00:31:22,320 --> 00:31:24,720
Speaker 3: the children, on the other staff, on the school.

684
00:31:24,440 --> 00:31:24,920
Speaker 1: As a whole.

685
00:31:25,680 --> 00:31:27,120
Speaker 7: That's true. That's a good point.

686
00:31:27,280 --> 00:31:27,600
Speaker 1: It is.

687
00:31:27,600 --> 00:31:28,240
Speaker 7: It's just hard.

688
00:31:28,440 --> 00:31:31,160
Speaker 3: We don't give enough credit to like spirituality and to

689
00:31:31,360 --> 00:31:34,480
Speaker 3: energy and to like our vibrations and what we're bringing

690
00:31:34,520 --> 00:31:37,120
Speaker 3: and what we're taking away. You know, you have the

691
00:31:37,200 --> 00:31:40,400
Speaker 3: ability to impact so many little people's brains.

692
00:31:40,800 --> 00:31:42,640
Speaker 1: I mean that is a privilege.

693
00:31:43,280 --> 00:31:46,880
Speaker 5: That is a privilege, and that's my favorite part of teaching.

694
00:31:47,120 --> 00:31:49,760
Speaker 5: I just more than teaching. I love being like their

695
00:31:49,760 --> 00:31:51,440
Speaker 5: guidance counselor almost you know.

696
00:31:51,640 --> 00:31:54,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, so don't give up yet. Don't conflate you

697
00:31:54,800 --> 00:31:57,000
Speaker 1: losing your job with you being a teacher, you know

698
00:31:57,040 --> 00:31:57,440
Speaker 1: what I mean?

699
00:31:58,120 --> 00:32:00,480
Speaker 3: Right, Yeah, I know it's hard to say. That was

700
00:32:00,480 --> 00:32:03,240
Speaker 3: just two separate things. And I get you, like idiot

701
00:32:03,360 --> 00:32:06,280
Speaker 3: is like, yeah, if it happens again, then I would say, okay,

702
00:32:06,520 --> 00:32:08,400
Speaker 3: But since we're talking, I think you should give it

703
00:32:08,440 --> 00:32:09,920
Speaker 3: one more go okay.

704
00:32:10,080 --> 00:32:12,440
Speaker 2: I think also if you have the expectation of like

705
00:32:12,840 --> 00:32:15,880
Speaker 2: this might be for one year and that's okay, and

706
00:32:15,920 --> 00:32:17,840
Speaker 2: then it might be for ten years or twenty years.

707
00:32:17,880 --> 00:32:19,880
Speaker 2: You just don't know. But if you have the expectation

708
00:32:19,920 --> 00:32:21,640
Speaker 2: of like, this is what's happened for the last nine

709
00:32:21,720 --> 00:32:25,080
Speaker 2: years in a row, and then you'll be pleasantly surprised

710
00:32:25,080 --> 00:32:26,120
Speaker 2: if it goes beyond that.

711
00:32:26,800 --> 00:32:27,480
Speaker 7: Yeah, that's true.

712
00:32:27,560 --> 00:32:30,960
Speaker 5: I had told myself this was it, and now I'm like, oh,

713
00:32:30,960 --> 00:32:32,560
Speaker 5: I got one more I guess one more shot.

714
00:32:32,680 --> 00:32:35,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, one more shot. We all agree, one more shot.

715
00:32:35,160 --> 00:32:37,600
Speaker 3: And then and then from there, if that happens again,

716
00:32:37,600 --> 00:32:39,840
Speaker 3: and call us back, and then we'll reroute.

717
00:32:39,480 --> 00:32:41,440
Speaker 2: Yes, please do, please.

718
00:32:41,120 --> 00:32:46,360
Speaker 3: Do, okay, okay, good nucky, So thankfully.

719
00:32:45,440 --> 00:32:45,800
Speaker 7: Thank you.

720
00:32:46,640 --> 00:32:48,600
Speaker 1: Hye by Oh.

721
00:32:48,640 --> 00:32:50,400
Speaker 2: She was so cute. She was like, it's my daughter's

722
00:32:50,440 --> 00:32:52,640
Speaker 2: field day today. I'm like, I remember field day.

723
00:32:52,680 --> 00:32:53,560
Speaker 1: Do you remember that? Yeah?

724
00:32:53,600 --> 00:32:55,360
Speaker 3: When my mom would forget to pack me anything for

725
00:32:55,440 --> 00:32:57,080
Speaker 3: lunch and all the other kids had their shit.

726
00:32:57,240 --> 00:33:00,680
Speaker 1: I remember, Oh, may A field trips so much mom.

727
00:33:00,800 --> 00:33:01,280
Speaker 1: I mean, it was.

728
00:33:01,320 --> 00:33:02,960
Speaker 3: Nice to not be in the classroom, but it was

729
00:33:03,480 --> 00:33:05,520
Speaker 3: I mean, my mom would never come on those field trips.

730
00:33:05,560 --> 00:33:07,320
Speaker 3: You know, have mothers sign up. I'd be like, Mom,

731
00:33:07,360 --> 00:33:09,360
Speaker 3: would you come on a field trip? She's like, oh, honey, no,

732
00:33:11,120 --> 00:33:13,080
Speaker 3: He's like, I've already been to the zoo. I'm like,

733
00:33:13,160 --> 00:33:16,640
Speaker 3: what I don't need to see those, like a Liberty Bell.

734
00:33:16,680 --> 00:33:18,320
Speaker 3: We could ride to Philadelphia together.

735
00:33:18,960 --> 00:33:20,960
Speaker 2: I heard that the Liberty Bell is very underwhelming.

736
00:33:23,640 --> 00:33:24,680
Speaker 1: Well it's pretty big bell.

737
00:33:24,960 --> 00:33:28,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean when they have a little museum, I

738
00:33:28,000 --> 00:33:29,160
Speaker 3: don't think it's underwhelming.

739
00:33:29,200 --> 00:33:30,520
Speaker 2: No, it's on an historian.

740
00:33:31,200 --> 00:33:35,000
Speaker 1: All that shit is underwhelming. Are you a museum person?

741
00:33:35,360 --> 00:33:39,360
Speaker 3: I prefer museum over art. Yeah, I like I like

742
00:33:39,520 --> 00:33:41,920
Speaker 3: history over art. I don't know what I'm looking at

743
00:33:41,920 --> 00:33:43,800
Speaker 3: when I look at art, you know, I just I

744
00:33:43,880 --> 00:33:45,840
Speaker 3: may as well be looking at a juve cover, you know,

745
00:33:46,360 --> 00:33:46,720
Speaker 3: I just.

746
00:33:46,760 --> 00:33:49,160
Speaker 1: Know, like what. I don't know how to interpret it.

747
00:33:49,240 --> 00:33:50,720
Speaker 1: I don't know the language of art.

748
00:33:51,160 --> 00:33:54,440
Speaker 3: I appreciate that it's there. But I'm a philistine when

749
00:33:54,480 --> 00:33:55,160
Speaker 3: it comes to art.

750
00:33:55,320 --> 00:33:57,840
Speaker 2: I like art, but like for a little bit, Like

751
00:33:57,880 --> 00:33:59,960
Speaker 2: I love to look at something beautiful, but then I'm like,

752
00:34:00,080 --> 00:34:01,880
Speaker 2: I'm like you, I'm like ready to move on to

753
00:34:01,920 --> 00:34:02,440
Speaker 2: the next guy.

754
00:34:02,440 --> 00:34:04,360
Speaker 3: I want an hour, and you know, I'll look at

755
00:34:04,400 --> 00:34:06,360
Speaker 3: it art for an hour and then that's it.

756
00:34:06,760 --> 00:34:07,080
Speaker 1: Yeah.

757
00:34:07,160 --> 00:34:09,480
Speaker 2: With museums, I want to read. If I'm interested in

758
00:34:09,520 --> 00:34:12,560
Speaker 2: the subject, I want to read every single plaque like everything.

759
00:34:12,840 --> 00:34:13,359
Speaker 2: I love it.

760
00:34:13,719 --> 00:34:15,719
Speaker 3: You know what a great museum is is the Broad

761
00:34:15,800 --> 00:34:16,960
Speaker 3: Museum in downtown LA.

762
00:34:17,520 --> 00:34:19,560
Speaker 1: I have not been art museum.

763
00:34:19,200 --> 00:34:21,680
Speaker 3: Because they have different collections there and different viewings, and

764
00:34:21,719 --> 00:34:24,840
Speaker 3: it's just so well done. They have a huge art collection,

765
00:34:24,960 --> 00:34:27,799
Speaker 3: the Broad Family, and they have a little restaurant next

766
00:34:27,800 --> 00:34:30,640
Speaker 3: door that's really it's just the perfect day. It's called

767
00:34:30,680 --> 00:34:34,080
Speaker 3: odm Otium, and it's the perfect day to go down

768
00:34:34,120 --> 00:34:35,600
Speaker 3: there to the Broad Museum.

769
00:34:35,680 --> 00:34:37,240
Speaker 1: That's museum, if.

770
00:34:41,440 --> 00:34:46,399
Speaker 2: All right? Our next caller is Celeste. Celeste is forty three.

771
00:34:46,560 --> 00:34:50,400
Speaker 2: She says, Dear Chelsea, my five year old daughter masturbates

772
00:34:50,440 --> 00:34:53,440
Speaker 2: with abandon. We've had many talks about it, and she

773
00:34:53,600 --> 00:34:56,400
Speaker 2: knows it's totally normal and fine, but that it's a

774
00:34:56,440 --> 00:34:59,880
Speaker 2: private activity. She usually respects the boundaries we give her,

775
00:35:00,160 --> 00:35:03,080
Speaker 2: but with this she does not give a fuck. She

776
00:35:03,200 --> 00:35:07,440
Speaker 2: finds creative ways to do it at preschool, at restaurants,

777
00:35:07,880 --> 00:35:11,160
Speaker 2: around her older brother and his friends. I don't know

778
00:35:11,160 --> 00:35:13,880
Speaker 2: what else to do without shaming her about her masturbation

779
00:35:14,160 --> 00:35:18,120
Speaker 2: and sexuality. Thank you for being honest about your childhood masturbation.

780
00:35:18,360 --> 00:35:20,640
Speaker 2: What advice would you give to your family who knew

781
00:35:20,760 --> 00:35:22,080
Speaker 2: what you were up to back then?

782
00:35:22,719 --> 00:35:23,359
Speaker 1: Celeste?

783
00:35:24,040 --> 00:35:27,400
Speaker 2: Hi, Celest Hi, how are you?

784
00:35:28,760 --> 00:35:29,280
Speaker 1: I'm good?

785
00:35:29,360 --> 00:35:32,560
Speaker 2: How are you amazing? Tell Chelsea what you told us

786
00:35:32,640 --> 00:35:35,600
Speaker 2: about the particular implement that your daughter has been using.

787
00:35:37,640 --> 00:35:40,239
Speaker 8: Well, it's not just one, I guess for stutts, but

788
00:35:41,200 --> 00:35:44,440
Speaker 8: we have a massage gun, you know, for post workout

789
00:35:44,560 --> 00:35:45,840
Speaker 8: recovery and what have you.

790
00:35:46,040 --> 00:35:47,480
Speaker 1: And she likes to.

791
00:35:49,000 --> 00:35:52,279
Speaker 8: Take that into corners of the living room under the

792
00:35:52,280 --> 00:35:54,120
Speaker 8: blanket during family movie time.

793
00:35:54,400 --> 00:35:54,920
Speaker 1: And just.

794
00:35:58,239 --> 00:36:01,600
Speaker 3: That's I listen, you're not a I did that for

795
00:36:01,640 --> 00:36:04,240
Speaker 3: about two years straight when we called it the feeling,

796
00:36:05,120 --> 00:36:10,239
Speaker 3: and I was. I took whatever utensils or rulers or ladles.

797
00:36:10,320 --> 00:36:12,840
Speaker 3: I once sat at my Thanksgiving dinner with a ladle

798
00:36:12,920 --> 00:36:15,920
Speaker 3: in between my legs, like basically jerking myself off for

799
00:36:16,080 --> 00:36:19,040
Speaker 3: like three hours straight during a Thanksgiving dinner when I

800
00:36:19,040 --> 00:36:21,480
Speaker 3: was nine years old. So I mean, you know, not

801
00:36:21,800 --> 00:36:25,200
Speaker 3: for just so everyone's clear, child masturbation is not inserting

802
00:36:25,239 --> 00:36:28,040
Speaker 3: anything into your joina. You're playing with your little fiddle

803
00:36:28,080 --> 00:36:30,920
Speaker 3: bit doors only, and it's also usually overclothing.

804
00:36:31,680 --> 00:36:32,560
Speaker 1: But I don't know.

805
00:36:32,760 --> 00:36:35,920
Speaker 3: I don't know because when my mom called me out,

806
00:36:36,680 --> 00:36:39,760
Speaker 3: I believe nobody understood what I was doing, right, I thought,

807
00:36:40,040 --> 00:36:43,600
Speaker 3: the longer no one says anything to me, I'm getting

808
00:36:43,600 --> 00:36:46,000
Speaker 3: away with it like, obviously no one could see what

809
00:36:46,040 --> 00:36:50,600
Speaker 3: I'm doing, but my discretion was became less and less,

810
00:36:50,719 --> 00:36:53,840
Speaker 3: like I started to get boulder and boulder, and so

811
00:36:53,960 --> 00:36:57,879
Speaker 3: everyone knew what I was doing. But once somebody said

812
00:36:57,920 --> 00:36:59,520
Speaker 3: something to me, once I was done. But that was

813
00:36:59,560 --> 00:37:03,120
Speaker 3: in a much different era. So I understand not wanting

814
00:37:03,160 --> 00:37:05,879
Speaker 3: to shame your daughter, but it sounds like she really

815
00:37:05,880 --> 00:37:09,600
Speaker 3: needs to understand that that behavior is fine, but she's

816
00:37:09,719 --> 00:37:11,359
Speaker 3: got to be in her room when she does it,

817
00:37:11,719 --> 00:37:14,560
Speaker 3: because I think you have to have a larger conversation

818
00:37:14,680 --> 00:37:17,640
Speaker 3: with her about what it means, you know what I mean, Like,

819
00:37:17,920 --> 00:37:20,560
Speaker 3: that's a private moment and you're totally allowed it, but

820
00:37:20,640 --> 00:37:23,880
Speaker 3: it's just not for family, and it's not for strangers.

821
00:37:24,200 --> 00:37:28,040
Speaker 8: M Yeah, and I guess so the reason I wrote

822
00:37:28,080 --> 00:37:30,319
Speaker 8: in is because I read your book and read that

823
00:37:30,400 --> 00:37:33,160
Speaker 8: part of it. We have had that conversation a lot

824
00:37:33,200 --> 00:37:36,040
Speaker 8: of times, and so if I ask her and I say, hey,

825
00:37:37,000 --> 00:37:37,760
Speaker 8: what are you doing?

826
00:37:37,920 --> 00:37:41,479
Speaker 1: She just kind of like, and I say, coy and Hary,

827
00:37:41,440 --> 00:37:45,560
Speaker 1: are you allowed to do that in private? In my room?

828
00:37:46,400 --> 00:37:48,480
Speaker 2: But she doesn't do that.

829
00:37:49,520 --> 00:37:52,759
Speaker 8: So I don't know how to explain to her at

830
00:37:52,760 --> 00:37:57,600
Speaker 8: that age the possible dangers of doing that.

831
00:37:57,640 --> 00:37:59,160
Speaker 1: How well is she again.

832
00:37:59,120 --> 00:38:03,799
Speaker 2: By uh yeah, wow, you know, so I did a

833
00:38:03,800 --> 00:38:07,120
Speaker 2: little research on this. Basically what they say is like

834
00:38:07,160 --> 00:38:09,600
Speaker 2: this isn't even really about sex for kids that age.

835
00:38:09,600 --> 00:38:12,600
Speaker 2: It's about like, oh, like I don't wear a diaper anymore,

836
00:38:12,600 --> 00:38:15,040
Speaker 2: and I've discovered these feelings and like this part of

837
00:38:15,040 --> 00:38:17,080
Speaker 2: my body feels different than other parts of my body.

838
00:38:17,120 --> 00:38:19,400
Speaker 2: It's just sort of like it can be self soothing,

839
00:38:19,520 --> 00:38:21,360
Speaker 2: which like I know I did as a like a

840
00:38:21,400 --> 00:38:24,640
Speaker 2: little four or five year old. It can be you know,

841
00:38:24,800 --> 00:38:27,239
Speaker 2: just like oh, this is fun and exciting. But one

842
00:38:27,320 --> 00:38:30,319
Speaker 2: of the best recommendations I saw was distraction, so like

843
00:38:30,400 --> 00:38:32,080
Speaker 2: she knows she's supposed to do it in her room

844
00:38:32,480 --> 00:38:34,759
Speaker 2: and there may be is like okay, like maybe it's

845
00:38:34,760 --> 00:38:36,520
Speaker 2: time for some private time in your room or in

846
00:38:36,560 --> 00:38:40,120
Speaker 2: the bathroom, and like having her go do that then,

847
00:38:40,680 --> 00:38:43,200
Speaker 2: but also just distraction like hey, you know what, let's

848
00:38:43,200 --> 00:38:45,640
Speaker 2: go make some cookies or something less time consuming than

849
00:38:45,640 --> 00:38:48,000
Speaker 2: being cookies, Like hey, should we go grab a snack?

850
00:38:48,040 --> 00:38:49,160
Speaker 2: Hey should we go for a walk?

851
00:38:49,239 --> 00:38:49,680
Speaker 1: Right now?

852
00:38:49,880 --> 00:38:51,960
Speaker 2: So it's sort of like redirecting where it's not like

853
00:38:52,080 --> 00:38:54,120
Speaker 2: does you know, not even saying anything about it, just

854
00:38:54,160 --> 00:38:55,839
Speaker 2: like you know, let's go over here and do this

855
00:38:55,960 --> 00:38:59,080
Speaker 2: right now. So sort of like disrupting that pattern when

856
00:38:59,080 --> 00:39:01,920
Speaker 2: she's in public. But the other nice thing that I

857
00:39:02,040 --> 00:39:05,600
Speaker 2: read is as she gets closer to like six seventy

858
00:39:05,600 --> 00:39:09,080
Speaker 2: eight nine, she will naturally start to phase that out.

859
00:39:09,360 --> 00:39:11,400
Speaker 2: That's obviously like in cases like this where it's a

860
00:39:11,440 --> 00:39:13,680
Speaker 2: normal kit, she will start to phase that out and

861
00:39:13,719 --> 00:39:16,120
Speaker 2: be like, oh wait, I shouldn't be doing this in

862
00:39:16,160 --> 00:39:17,360
Speaker 2: front of my nine year old brother.

863
00:39:18,520 --> 00:39:20,759
Speaker 1: Do you have you put Have you done that with her?

864
00:39:20,800 --> 00:39:24,160
Speaker 3: Like when when she is masturbating or whatever, fiddling her bean,

865
00:39:24,520 --> 00:39:26,960
Speaker 3: do you say do you like to say, Okay, now

866
00:39:27,000 --> 00:39:28,400
Speaker 3: we're gonna go in your room, you can do that

867
00:39:28,480 --> 00:39:29,320
Speaker 3: in your room.

868
00:39:29,680 --> 00:39:32,200
Speaker 8: I don't know if I've necessarily tried that approach, like

869
00:39:32,239 --> 00:39:34,160
Speaker 8: I've taken the massage gone away and just been.

870
00:39:34,040 --> 00:39:35,360
Speaker 1: Like, hey, this is not a toy.

871
00:39:35,480 --> 00:39:37,480
Speaker 8: This is for mom and dad, and you went and

872
00:39:37,480 --> 00:39:40,400
Speaker 8: put it on a shelf. But she finds her ways,

873
00:39:40,640 --> 00:39:44,200
Speaker 8: and she I told Catherine this that recently she put

874
00:39:44,200 --> 00:39:46,520
Speaker 8: on she got dressed for school, put on a pair

875
00:39:46,520 --> 00:39:48,680
Speaker 8: of pants and said, oh, there's a hole in my pocket.

876
00:39:48,719 --> 00:39:50,120
Speaker 1: And I said, okay, well, don't put.

877
00:39:49,960 --> 00:39:52,719
Speaker 8: Anything important in there, and she was like, now I

878
00:39:52,760 --> 00:39:54,719
Speaker 8: can touch my vagina and no one will know.

879
00:39:57,800 --> 00:40:00,279
Speaker 3: Well, Also, the way that you said to me when

880
00:40:00,320 --> 00:40:03,040
Speaker 3: you said to her that, you said, what are you doing?

881
00:40:03,600 --> 00:40:03,680
Speaker 6: Like?

882
00:40:03,880 --> 00:40:09,319
Speaker 3: That's very playful. So her response saying ooh, like that's

883
00:40:09,360 --> 00:40:12,439
Speaker 3: also playful. So maybe you need to be a little

884
00:40:12,480 --> 00:40:16,480
Speaker 3: bit firmer instead of without being shameful by shaming her.

885
00:40:16,800 --> 00:40:19,320
Speaker 3: It's not a shameful thing, but a little bit firmer,

886
00:40:19,400 --> 00:40:21,480
Speaker 3: Like I told you, honey, that's not appropriate.

887
00:40:21,560 --> 00:40:23,399
Speaker 1: You know what I mean. You could you can do that,

888
00:40:23,480 --> 00:40:24,280
Speaker 1: but there are rooms.

889
00:40:24,280 --> 00:40:26,279
Speaker 3: This is the zone where you can do it, and

890
00:40:26,320 --> 00:40:28,640
Speaker 3: you can't do it outside anymore. And if she does,

891
00:40:29,000 --> 00:40:31,399
Speaker 3: you can just say okay, if that's what you want

892
00:40:31,400 --> 00:40:33,880
Speaker 3: to do, then you have to be in your room, right.

893
00:40:33,840 --> 00:40:35,360
Speaker 1: And each time, be consistent.

894
00:40:35,440 --> 00:40:37,520
Speaker 3: Don't let her masturbate on the couch, don't let her

895
00:40:37,520 --> 00:40:39,319
Speaker 3: fiddle or bean wherever she feels like it.

896
00:40:39,640 --> 00:40:40,840
Speaker 1: Anytime you catch her.

897
00:40:40,680 --> 00:40:42,640
Speaker 3: Go honey, I'm so sorry, but we're gonna If you

898
00:40:42,680 --> 00:40:44,480
Speaker 3: want to do that, we can. You can go to

899
00:40:44,560 --> 00:40:46,160
Speaker 3: your room and do it. And if you don't want

900
00:40:46,160 --> 00:40:47,360
Speaker 3: to go to your room, then you have to stop

901
00:40:47,360 --> 00:40:47,680
Speaker 3: doing that.

902
00:40:48,480 --> 00:40:48,680
Speaker 6: Right.

903
00:40:49,200 --> 00:40:49,919
Speaker 1: That's a good point.

904
00:40:49,960 --> 00:40:51,000
Speaker 7: I didn't think about that.

905
00:40:51,080 --> 00:40:52,680
Speaker 8: She's following my tone.

906
00:40:53,080 --> 00:40:55,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, and that way what Chelsea said, Like

907
00:40:55,920 --> 00:40:59,000
Speaker 2: the boundary is not masturbating or not masturbating. The boundary

908
00:40:59,160 --> 00:41:01,560
Speaker 2: is you know what looks like you need some private time.

909
00:41:01,560 --> 00:41:03,239
Speaker 2: Why don't you go spend a few minutes in your room.

910
00:41:03,360 --> 00:41:06,320
Speaker 3: It's just like saying I have to urinate. You can't

911
00:41:06,360 --> 00:41:08,680
Speaker 3: just do that wherever you want. I mean you can,

912
00:41:09,120 --> 00:41:11,799
Speaker 3: but somebody's gonna say you need to go in the bathroom,

913
00:41:12,280 --> 00:41:14,279
Speaker 3: like that's where you do that, Just like she goes

914
00:41:14,320 --> 00:41:16,839
Speaker 3: to the bathroom to pee and potty and whatever else

915
00:41:16,880 --> 00:41:19,480
Speaker 3: and brush your teeth, there's a room for her, you know,

916
00:41:19,600 --> 00:41:20,440
Speaker 3: Like you have to make.

917
00:41:20,320 --> 00:41:21,000
Speaker 1: It that clear.

918
00:41:21,760 --> 00:41:24,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, right, and be firm and be consistent, and I

919
00:41:24,040 --> 00:41:26,720
Speaker 3: bet you if you're consistent like the next ten times, it's.

920
00:41:26,560 --> 00:41:27,760
Speaker 1: Not gonna be a problem anymore.

921
00:41:28,440 --> 00:41:31,239
Speaker 8: Yeah, I think that makes sense. Yeah, I've just been

922
00:41:31,280 --> 00:41:34,040
Speaker 8: nervous about her feeling like it's a bad thing.

923
00:41:34,160 --> 00:41:36,120
Speaker 1: But I do think that I've been.

924
00:41:36,600 --> 00:41:39,280
Speaker 8: Probably too lenient about it, been too careful.

925
00:41:39,440 --> 00:41:40,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, it sounds like maybe you have.

926
00:41:41,520 --> 00:41:44,480
Speaker 2: But yeah, exactly what Chelsea said, minus a shame, but

927
00:41:44,640 --> 00:41:48,680
Speaker 2: like redirecting like either to bedroom or you know, distraction. Distraction,

928
00:41:49,120 --> 00:41:51,799
Speaker 2: like let's go do something else. Yeah all right, well,

929
00:41:51,800 --> 00:41:54,680
Speaker 2: will you let us know how it goes and clean

930
00:41:54,719 --> 00:41:55,960
Speaker 2: off your far agun please.

931
00:41:56,560 --> 00:41:58,879
Speaker 3: Yeah, keep that faragun away from her also, because those

932
00:41:58,920 --> 00:42:01,239
Speaker 3: things are dangerous hunching it.

933
00:42:01,320 --> 00:42:02,080
Speaker 1: Oh my god.

934
00:42:02,520 --> 00:42:05,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, you're not supposed to use those on your neck either,

935
00:42:05,040 --> 00:42:06,920
Speaker 3: because I've heard some stories about people.

936
00:42:06,760 --> 00:42:07,960
Speaker 1: Saying they really hurt themselves.

937
00:42:08,000 --> 00:42:10,719
Speaker 3: Really yeah, like on your spine and your shoulders, like

938
00:42:10,760 --> 00:42:13,440
Speaker 3: you can do it and it gets really violent if

939
00:42:13,440 --> 00:42:15,440
Speaker 3: you put it on that high setting and it can

940
00:42:15,560 --> 00:42:16,040
Speaker 3: hurt you.

941
00:42:16,200 --> 00:42:21,520
Speaker 1: So yeah, keep that away from her anyway. Yeah, yeah, agreed. Yeah,

942
00:42:21,640 --> 00:42:23,279
Speaker 1: treat it like a real gun and put it in

943
00:42:23,320 --> 00:42:27,799
Speaker 1: a locked drawer. Fair enough, Okay, well, good luck. Let

944
00:42:27,880 --> 00:42:28,640
Speaker 1: us know how it goes.

945
00:42:29,000 --> 00:42:33,760
Speaker 2: Thanks Alas, Okay, yeah, okay, thank you, bye bye.

946
00:42:34,120 --> 00:42:36,320
Speaker 1: I was the queen of masturbation when I was a

947
00:42:36,360 --> 00:42:36,920
Speaker 1: little kid.

948
00:42:37,320 --> 00:42:42,800
Speaker 2: Well, our next color is Janelle jen Now says dear Chelsea.

949
00:42:43,680 --> 00:42:46,000
Speaker 2: The past few years have been tough. I know, I know,

950
00:42:46,120 --> 00:42:48,359
Speaker 2: who hasn't it been tough for I worked a good

951
00:42:48,400 --> 00:42:50,680
Speaker 2: amount of issues out through therapy, but I felt as

952
00:42:50,719 --> 00:42:52,920
Speaker 2: though I had reached my limit. I was given a

953
00:42:52,960 --> 00:42:55,840
Speaker 2: note from my therapist for an emotional support animal. But

954
00:42:55,920 --> 00:42:58,800
Speaker 2: I live in a non pet friendly building. My puppy

955
00:42:58,840 --> 00:43:01,319
Speaker 2: to lose. Has there ever been a better dog name

956
00:43:01,320 --> 00:43:01,880
Speaker 2: than to lose?

957
00:43:02,120 --> 00:43:06,120
Speaker 3: Nose to lose, to lose two words, or to lose

958
00:43:06,239 --> 00:43:10,320
Speaker 3: to lose like to lose the track has.

959
00:43:10,120 --> 00:43:12,640
Speaker 2: Made a world of difference. I can get out of

960
00:43:12,719 --> 00:43:15,160
Speaker 2: bed in the morning with purpose. She gets me out

961
00:43:15,200 --> 00:43:17,880
Speaker 2: and about and meeting new people. She's been such a

962
00:43:17,960 --> 00:43:20,640
Speaker 2: joy and I love her so much, but my neighbor

963
00:43:20,800 --> 00:43:24,000
Speaker 2: hasn't felt the same. Occasionally she lets out of bark

964
00:43:24,080 --> 00:43:26,080
Speaker 2: or two when she hears certain people in the hall,

965
00:43:26,280 --> 00:43:29,640
Speaker 2: not everyone, and not all the time. I immediately run over

966
00:43:29,760 --> 00:43:32,279
Speaker 2: to quiet her down. So there really is only five

967
00:43:32,320 --> 00:43:35,360
Speaker 2: to ten seconds of a bark, not excessive in my opinion,

968
00:43:35,719 --> 00:43:38,719
Speaker 2: But the walls are thin, and my neighbor still complains.

969
00:43:39,080 --> 00:43:41,560
Speaker 2: Over the past few months, she left a nasty note

970
00:43:41,640 --> 00:43:44,480
Speaker 2: under the door and has since complained to management twice,

971
00:43:44,520 --> 00:43:48,600
Speaker 2: which has now prompted them to find me find her.

972
00:43:48,680 --> 00:43:50,080
Speaker 2: She had have like a meeting in front of the

973
00:43:50,120 --> 00:43:53,960
Speaker 2: board and everything. Because of this, my anxiety and depression

974
00:43:54,040 --> 00:43:57,680
Speaker 2: has increased tenfold. I had to start medication. I even

975
00:43:57,719 --> 00:44:00,520
Speaker 2: had my first panic attack, which mimicked a heart attack.

976
00:44:01,080 --> 00:44:04,200
Speaker 2: I feel so on edge and uncomfortable in my own home.

977
00:44:04,800 --> 00:44:06,960
Speaker 2: This is a condo building, and I own a unit,

978
00:44:07,000 --> 00:44:09,600
Speaker 2: and I'm starting the moving process because of this, I

979
00:44:09,680 --> 00:44:12,719
Speaker 2: felt bullied enough to move out in the meantime. Do

980
00:44:12,760 --> 00:44:15,080
Speaker 2: you have any advice for how to deal with cruel people?

981
00:44:15,320 --> 00:44:17,719
Speaker 2: What should I do? Janelle Hi?

982
00:44:17,800 --> 00:44:19,440
Speaker 1: Janel Hi?

983
00:44:19,640 --> 00:44:20,120
Speaker 6: How are you?

984
00:44:20,719 --> 00:44:24,080
Speaker 1: Oh? We're good? How are you? This is Catherine Hi,

985
00:44:24,120 --> 00:44:26,640
Speaker 1: and I see you, Catherine. So you're moving out?

986
00:44:27,400 --> 00:44:30,520
Speaker 6: I am, yeah. My place will probably go up for

987
00:44:30,600 --> 00:44:32,840
Speaker 6: sale this week and then it's just kind of like

988
00:44:32,920 --> 00:44:34,719
Speaker 6: the summer to look for a new spot.

989
00:44:34,960 --> 00:44:37,800
Speaker 3: Okay, well, that's that's good. And what's the barking situation?

990
00:44:37,920 --> 00:44:39,719
Speaker 3: How would you rate it on a scale of a

991
00:44:40,080 --> 00:44:41,000
Speaker 3: barking when you're gone?

992
00:44:41,320 --> 00:44:41,520
Speaker 5: Right?

993
00:44:42,280 --> 00:44:45,040
Speaker 6: No, it's when I'm there, so, I mean, and I'm working,

994
00:44:45,200 --> 00:44:47,520
Speaker 6: you know, the same business hours as this woman, my neighbor,

995
00:44:47,920 --> 00:44:51,120
Speaker 6: and she'll hear to loose will like hear something in

996
00:44:51,120 --> 00:44:53,720
Speaker 6: the hall. It'll set her off. She barks once or twice,

997
00:44:53,760 --> 00:44:56,200
Speaker 6: and I immediately run over to calm her down, and

998
00:44:56,239 --> 00:44:59,400
Speaker 6: then that's it. This is not like excessive barking when

999
00:44:59,440 --> 00:45:02,160
Speaker 6: I'm gone. This is just once or twice, like less

1000
00:45:02,160 --> 00:45:03,440
Speaker 6: than thirtys.

1001
00:45:03,800 --> 00:45:08,640
Speaker 1: That's so annoying your neighbor to that, Yeah, that's so annoying.

1002
00:45:08,640 --> 00:45:12,440
Speaker 3: I mean, I mean, listen, barking is very annoying, especially

1003
00:45:12,440 --> 00:45:15,360
Speaker 3: excessive barking. So the fact that you're talking to me,

1004
00:45:15,480 --> 00:45:17,120
Speaker 3: I believe you. And when you say it's one or

1005
00:45:17,160 --> 00:45:18,480
Speaker 3: two barks, like, that's not the.

1006
00:45:18,480 --> 00:45:20,239
Speaker 1: End of the world. And anybody can work a pay

1007
00:45:20,320 --> 00:45:20,520
Speaker 1: on that.

1008
00:45:21,040 --> 00:45:23,759
Speaker 3: And you have to have tolerance for that sort of thing,

1009
00:45:23,920 --> 00:45:25,560
Speaker 3: especially when you're living in a building.

1010
00:45:25,840 --> 00:45:29,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, on top of each other, literally right.

1011
00:45:29,960 --> 00:45:32,560
Speaker 6: Right, I mean, and like this is a building. I'm

1012
00:45:32,560 --> 00:45:34,279
Speaker 6: in Chicago, and so this is a building that was

1013
00:45:34,320 --> 00:45:36,799
Speaker 6: like built in the seventies. The walls are very thin.

1014
00:45:37,320 --> 00:45:40,239
Speaker 6: I have heard this neighbor cough through the wall. I'm

1015
00:45:40,280 --> 00:45:42,680
Speaker 6: sure she's heard me, you know, make a smoothie with

1016
00:45:42,719 --> 00:45:45,920
Speaker 6: my blunder vacuum or anything. So like this thing and

1017
00:45:46,160 --> 00:45:48,640
Speaker 6: you know, to lose letting out one or two barks

1018
00:45:48,719 --> 00:45:50,960
Speaker 6: is I don't know, Like you said, not the end

1019
00:45:51,000 --> 00:45:51,440
Speaker 6: of the world.

1020
00:45:51,719 --> 00:45:54,200
Speaker 1: And when you said they find you, how much money

1021
00:45:54,320 --> 00:45:54,560
Speaker 1: was that?

1022
00:45:54,960 --> 00:45:57,360
Speaker 6: So I have a meeting with the board to be

1023
00:45:57,440 --> 00:46:00,960
Speaker 6: determined when they haven't decided when, but I will go

1024
00:46:01,040 --> 00:46:03,239
Speaker 6: plead my case to them and then they'll choose what

1025
00:46:03,280 --> 00:46:03,920
Speaker 6: my fine is.

1026
00:46:04,520 --> 00:46:06,600
Speaker 2: So this is what I said to Janelle as well.

1027
00:46:06,680 --> 00:46:08,799
Speaker 2: I was like, is there a way that you can

1028
00:46:08,920 --> 00:46:11,600
Speaker 2: discuss with the board, Like is this actually a problem,

1029
00:46:11,680 --> 00:46:14,520
Speaker 2: because number one, you have rights under the Americans with

1030
00:46:14,560 --> 00:46:18,360
Speaker 2: Disabilities Act because she is an EESA, She's an emotional

1031
00:46:18,400 --> 00:46:21,040
Speaker 2: support animal. This is not a pet. This is a

1032
00:46:21,120 --> 00:46:24,040
Speaker 2: dog that is helping you with a mental health issue.

1033
00:46:24,640 --> 00:46:27,319
Speaker 2: And in addition, I think you need to be very

1034
00:46:27,320 --> 00:46:29,879
Speaker 2: clear with them she is not barking all day long,

1035
00:46:30,280 --> 00:46:32,200
Speaker 2: Like it's five to ten barks or five to ten

1036
00:46:32,200 --> 00:46:34,200
Speaker 2: seconds of a bark like you mentioned, and then she's

1037
00:46:34,280 --> 00:46:37,439
Speaker 2: quieted down. And I think you should work with them

1038
00:46:37,440 --> 00:46:40,080
Speaker 2: on like what is a good solution to this issue?

1039
00:46:40,239 --> 00:46:43,840
Speaker 2: And should I advise someone when this issue is happening

1040
00:46:44,040 --> 00:46:45,839
Speaker 2: so that they can come and actually see like she's

1041
00:46:45,880 --> 00:46:48,080
Speaker 2: not barking all day long. I think you need to

1042
00:46:48,080 --> 00:46:50,560
Speaker 2: make it very clear to them that like one person's

1043
00:46:50,600 --> 00:46:53,719
Speaker 2: word is not what is necessarily happening. We used to

1044
00:46:53,800 --> 00:46:55,759
Speaker 2: live above some neighbors who would complain that we were

1045
00:46:55,840 --> 00:46:59,360
Speaker 2: so loud and we walked with really heavy footfalls and whatever,

1046
00:46:59,400 --> 00:46:59,959
Speaker 2: whatever what appen?

1047
00:47:00,800 --> 00:47:02,760
Speaker 1: And what the fuck is a footfall?

1048
00:47:03,040 --> 00:47:05,360
Speaker 2: Like, I know Brad's really tall and big, but like,

1049
00:47:05,400 --> 00:47:08,759
Speaker 2: can you ask me like step quieter like in our apartment?

1050
00:47:09,320 --> 00:47:12,520
Speaker 2: And finally, one day, our building manager asked us to

1051
00:47:12,560 --> 00:47:14,560
Speaker 2: like hang out in their apartment while they were gone

1052
00:47:14,560 --> 00:47:17,200
Speaker 2: because there was like a service person coming. I went

1053
00:47:17,239 --> 00:47:19,239
Speaker 2: down to check out their apartment just to see how

1054
00:47:19,320 --> 00:47:22,480
Speaker 2: loud it was. These people, who were in their twenties,

1055
00:47:22,480 --> 00:47:26,319
Speaker 2: by the way, had their entire apartment covered in antique

1056
00:47:26,440 --> 00:47:30,280
Speaker 2: China dishes with teacups, so every time we would walk

1057
00:47:30,360 --> 00:47:34,239
Speaker 2: it would rattle the teacups all around their apartment. Was

1058
00:47:34,320 --> 00:47:35,480
Speaker 2: that a nuss problem?

1059
00:47:35,800 --> 00:47:35,920
Speaker 6: No?

1060
00:47:36,160 --> 00:47:38,920
Speaker 2: But they still complained about us, So, you know, I

1061
00:47:39,000 --> 00:47:40,839
Speaker 2: think you need to make it really clear to them,

1062
00:47:40,880 --> 00:47:43,040
Speaker 2: like this is actually not an issue. I know so

1063
00:47:43,200 --> 00:47:45,560
Speaker 2: and so feels that it is, but I would be

1064
00:47:45,760 --> 00:47:48,480
Speaker 2: very happy to provide proof that this is not an

1065
00:47:48,520 --> 00:47:50,440
Speaker 2: ongoing or persistent issue.

1066
00:47:50,640 --> 00:47:52,319
Speaker 3: I have a question, Well, I mean, what's the point

1067
00:47:52,360 --> 00:47:54,360
Speaker 3: if she's moving out? Well, I mean for the purpose

1068
00:47:54,400 --> 00:47:56,879
Speaker 3: of this interaction, but what happens when your dog?

1069
00:47:56,920 --> 00:47:58,440
Speaker 1: Do you ever leave your dog at home without you?

1070
00:47:58,840 --> 00:48:01,440
Speaker 6: I have one certain twice. You know, I don't think

1071
00:48:01,480 --> 00:48:03,200
Speaker 6: she's allowed in the grocery store, so I don't bring

1072
00:48:03,200 --> 00:48:05,520
Speaker 6: her grocery shopping with me. And I've gone on a

1073
00:48:05,600 --> 00:48:07,600
Speaker 6: date or two and I've left her mind. But I

1074
00:48:07,680 --> 00:48:10,400
Speaker 6: have a camera on her so I can check in

1075
00:48:10,480 --> 00:48:13,400
Speaker 6: like live feed on her, and she's always just sleeping,

1076
00:48:13,440 --> 00:48:15,880
Speaker 6: and I've taken screenshots of it, so I know that

1077
00:48:15,960 --> 00:48:18,040
Speaker 6: she's not barking when I'm not there. It's just that

1078
00:48:18,239 --> 00:48:20,920
Speaker 6: when I'm there, she hears something in the hallway and

1079
00:48:21,760 --> 00:48:23,719
Speaker 6: it's confused, a like who it could be?

1080
00:48:24,880 --> 00:48:25,160
Speaker 2: Right?

1081
00:48:25,760 --> 00:48:27,880
Speaker 3: And when you come home from those instances, does she

1082
00:48:27,920 --> 00:48:29,200
Speaker 3: bark when she hears you coming in?

1083
00:48:29,880 --> 00:48:31,520
Speaker 6: No? M never.

1084
00:48:31,719 --> 00:48:31,919
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1085
00:48:32,040 --> 00:48:33,920
Speaker 3: But so for this hearing, first of all, there should be

1086
00:48:34,000 --> 00:48:35,439
Speaker 3: no fucking fine you're moving out?

1087
00:48:35,600 --> 00:48:39,240
Speaker 1: Like right, I mean you're you've already decided that, or now.

1088
00:48:39,120 --> 00:48:41,200
Speaker 2: Are you for sure you want to do this? I mean,

1089
00:48:41,200 --> 00:48:43,719
Speaker 2: I get it. It's like shitty to come home and

1090
00:48:43,760 --> 00:48:45,879
Speaker 2: be like, oh my gosh, I'm being too loud here

1091
00:48:45,920 --> 00:48:47,840
Speaker 2: and there and everywhere, But at the same time, like

1092
00:48:48,200 --> 00:48:51,719
Speaker 2: to move and sell your condo because of a complaint

1093
00:48:51,760 --> 00:48:53,240
Speaker 2: to one other from another person.

1094
00:48:54,120 --> 00:48:56,279
Speaker 6: This was like the straw that broke the camel's back.

1095
00:48:56,320 --> 00:48:58,160
Speaker 6: There's just like a couple of things that I've like

1096
00:48:58,280 --> 00:49:00,959
Speaker 6: wanted in a new place, you know, just Chicago, old,

1097
00:49:00,960 --> 00:49:03,680
Speaker 6: outdated kind of game. It so looking to upgrade anyways,

1098
00:49:04,000 --> 00:49:06,240
Speaker 6: but this was just kind of like the final straw.

1099
00:49:06,719 --> 00:49:09,360
Speaker 6: And it's not so much that her barking gives me anxiety,

1100
00:49:09,400 --> 00:49:11,480
Speaker 6: because like, I'm not set off by loud noises. It's

1101
00:49:11,520 --> 00:49:13,799
Speaker 6: like the fact that I might see this neighbor in

1102
00:49:13,800 --> 00:49:17,440
Speaker 6: the hallway and she's already know under the door, and

1103
00:49:17,480 --> 00:49:19,879
Speaker 6: I just like I just don't. It got so bad

1104
00:49:19,960 --> 00:49:22,200
Speaker 6: last week that like I actually had a panic attack

1105
00:49:22,239 --> 00:49:24,160
Speaker 6: where I had to go to the urgent care because

1106
00:49:24,200 --> 00:49:26,319
Speaker 6: I thought I was having a heart attack. So just

1107
00:49:26,360 --> 00:49:28,200
Speaker 6: like the fact that I might run into her just

1108
00:49:28,239 --> 00:49:30,760
Speaker 6: really really gives me so much panic and anxiety.

1109
00:49:31,360 --> 00:49:34,360
Speaker 3: Yeah, well you should move a go move to a

1110
00:49:34,400 --> 00:49:37,360
Speaker 3: building where you see other dogs also so that people

1111
00:49:37,400 --> 00:49:40,920
Speaker 3: have an understanding, make sure it's a dog friendly building

1112
00:49:41,560 --> 00:49:45,040
Speaker 3: moving in. And if you're dealing with this already, it's older.

1113
00:49:45,200 --> 00:49:47,360
Speaker 3: This isn't the only reason. There are more reasons. I

1114
00:49:47,400 --> 00:49:49,360
Speaker 3: always think change is good. You know, you want to

1115
00:49:49,360 --> 00:49:51,279
Speaker 3: be around different energy and different people, and for the

1116
00:49:51,280 --> 00:49:54,400
Speaker 3: purposes of this stupid hearing. Make sure you bring up

1117
00:49:54,440 --> 00:49:55,480
Speaker 3: the Disabilities Act?

1118
00:49:55,560 --> 00:49:57,279
Speaker 2: Did emerge with Disabilities Act?

1119
00:49:57,400 --> 00:49:59,680
Speaker 3: Yeah, that you're they have no right, and that you're

1120
00:49:59,719 --> 00:50:03,000
Speaker 3: move You're selling your place because of the stress of this,

1121
00:50:03,040 --> 00:50:05,879
Speaker 3: because of the harassment, and you actually fucking counter super

1122
00:50:05,880 --> 00:50:07,960
Speaker 3: harassed or you know, counter complain.

1123
00:50:08,280 --> 00:50:09,440
Speaker 1: Yeah. I mean, obviously you're not going.

1124
00:50:09,440 --> 00:50:13,080
Speaker 3: To file a lawsuit, but it's like you're you're uprooting

1125
00:50:13,120 --> 00:50:14,239
Speaker 3: your life basically.

1126
00:50:14,440 --> 00:50:16,600
Speaker 1: Yes, So you're not going to pay a fine on

1127
00:50:16,680 --> 00:50:17,640
Speaker 1: top of that. Right.

1128
00:50:18,000 --> 00:50:20,960
Speaker 2: The other thing too, I have a magic bullet hero

1129
00:50:20,960 --> 00:50:23,359
Speaker 2: al so for your next place, because I do think

1130
00:50:23,560 --> 00:50:25,600
Speaker 2: it's a good thing to be like, Okay, I don't

1131
00:50:25,600 --> 00:50:27,759
Speaker 2: have to deal with this crazy person anymore. I know

1132
00:50:27,800 --> 00:50:30,880
Speaker 2: we've moved because of crazy neighbors before. One thing that

1133
00:50:30,960 --> 00:50:34,560
Speaker 2: my brother in law did in Chicago, he's in wicker Park.

1134
00:50:35,000 --> 00:50:37,200
Speaker 2: He had an issue, a sound issue with a neighbor

1135
00:50:37,480 --> 00:50:39,879
Speaker 2: who was complaining about like they were not being very loud.

1136
00:50:39,880 --> 00:50:43,760
Speaker 2: They were complaining about the loudness of the music and whatnot. Well,

1137
00:50:44,000 --> 00:50:46,560
Speaker 2: after a few complaints from his board, he decided to

1138
00:50:46,680 --> 00:50:50,400
Speaker 2: join the HOA board. So now he is part of

1139
00:50:50,440 --> 00:50:53,319
Speaker 2: the decision making process. And he's a respected member of

1140
00:50:53,320 --> 00:50:56,040
Speaker 2: the community. So I would very much recommend that the

1141
00:50:56,040 --> 00:50:59,960
Speaker 2: next place you go, if there is a board, condo, association, board, whatever,

1142
00:51:00,400 --> 00:51:00,839
Speaker 2: join it.

1143
00:51:01,120 --> 00:51:01,800
Speaker 1: First off.

1144
00:51:02,280 --> 00:51:05,320
Speaker 2: And also it's very easy to get to lose registered

1145
00:51:05,440 --> 00:51:09,719
Speaker 2: as an actual legitimate service animal. So if the ESA

1146
00:51:09,880 --> 00:51:12,520
Speaker 2: thing emotional support animal thing is not quite enough for them,

1147
00:51:13,080 --> 00:51:17,280
Speaker 2: go service animal and then you're covered and you're covered

1148
00:51:17,280 --> 00:51:18,040
Speaker 2: for TSA too.

1149
00:51:18,360 --> 00:51:20,960
Speaker 6: Oh that's true. That's a good recommendation. Thank you. Yeah,

1150
00:51:21,040 --> 00:51:21,839
Speaker 6: I appreciate that.

1151
00:51:22,239 --> 00:51:26,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, keep us posted. I would really like to

1152
00:51:26,120 --> 00:51:29,400
Speaker 2: hear what happens after this meeting. But I think very

1153
00:51:29,480 --> 00:51:32,000
Speaker 2: much advocate for yourself, Like, don't just take this all

1154
00:51:32,080 --> 00:51:34,360
Speaker 2: lying down. I think you should say I am uprooting

1155
00:51:34,400 --> 00:51:36,759
Speaker 2: my entire life. Like Chelsea said, I'm not gonna pay

1156
00:51:36,800 --> 00:51:39,759
Speaker 2: this fine. It's actually not an issue, you know, she's

1157
00:51:39,920 --> 00:51:41,960
Speaker 2: she's making a mountain out of a mole hill. But

1158
00:51:42,160 --> 00:51:44,759
Speaker 2: it's enough that I'm, you know, changing my life. So

1159
00:51:45,120 --> 00:51:47,640
Speaker 2: let's let bygones be by cons that I'm leaving.

1160
00:51:48,760 --> 00:51:51,000
Speaker 6: Right. Yeah, no, that makes sense. Thank you. I appreciate it,

1161
00:51:51,040 --> 00:51:52,680
Speaker 6: and I will definitely let you know. I haven't I

1162
00:51:52,719 --> 00:51:54,560
Speaker 6: haven't heard yet. When I'm supposed to chat with them,

1163
00:51:54,600 --> 00:51:56,319
Speaker 6: but I will keep you posted for sure.

1164
00:51:56,560 --> 00:51:56,759
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1165
00:51:56,800 --> 00:52:00,120
Speaker 3: And also, one person's version isn't like what Catherine and

1166
00:52:00,120 --> 00:52:03,880
Speaker 3: said earlier. One person's account of something isn't necessarily accurate.

1167
00:52:04,400 --> 00:52:07,200
Speaker 3: You should show them some video footage or collect the

1168
00:52:07,280 --> 00:52:10,560
Speaker 3: video footage from whatever appy you used to record your

1169
00:52:10,560 --> 00:52:12,680
Speaker 3: dog so you can prove that to louse isn't barking

1170
00:52:12,719 --> 00:52:13,359
Speaker 3: when you're not there.

1171
00:52:13,440 --> 00:52:17,440
Speaker 6: Also, yeah, yeah, I've definitely logged enough screenshots of her,

1172
00:52:17,520 --> 00:52:18,600
Speaker 6: of her snoozing.

1173
00:52:18,239 --> 00:52:21,600
Speaker 3: And her creat Yeah, I'm god, very good, right, perfect, good, Okay, well,

1174
00:52:21,600 --> 00:52:22,480
Speaker 3: good luck with everything.

1175
00:52:23,080 --> 00:52:25,880
Speaker 2: Thank you so much, Thanks Janelle, thanks for calling.

1176
00:52:26,080 --> 00:52:29,000
Speaker 6: Thank you, nice meeting you. Bye hie.

1177
00:52:30,000 --> 00:52:31,759
Speaker 3: Okay, we're going to take a quick break and we'll

1178
00:52:31,760 --> 00:52:33,000
Speaker 3: be right back to wrap things up.

1179
00:52:37,280 --> 00:52:41,080
Speaker 1: And we're back. Okay, everybody, We're back.

1180
00:52:41,440 --> 00:52:44,120
Speaker 2: To lose, to lose, I know it's to lose. Just

1181
00:52:44,120 --> 00:52:45,560
Speaker 2: the absolute best name for a dog.

1182
00:52:45,680 --> 00:52:46,680
Speaker 1: I told you about that.

1183
00:52:46,840 --> 00:52:47,279
Speaker 2: I don't know.

1184
00:52:47,520 --> 00:52:49,879
Speaker 1: It's confusing. What is Telusa's a French name.

1185
00:52:49,960 --> 00:52:53,239
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's French. I'm told Brad. I was like, man,

1186
00:52:53,239 --> 00:52:55,759
Speaker 2: if Wendall wasn't already Wendell, he might be Tolenda's a.

1187
00:52:55,840 --> 00:52:58,120
Speaker 1: Better name than to lose. Douglas is a good name

1188
00:52:58,120 --> 00:52:58,640
Speaker 1: for a dog.

1189
00:52:58,760 --> 00:53:01,160
Speaker 3: That's Hannah Gatsby's dogs name that she talks about in

1190
00:53:01,200 --> 00:53:04,080
Speaker 3: her special Oh I called Douglas Douglas. Yeah, Douglas is

1191
00:53:04,080 --> 00:53:07,239
Speaker 3: a good name. Bert and Douglas. I can't wait to

1192
00:53:07,320 --> 00:53:09,160
Speaker 3: get my new batch of dogs. And I wonder what

1193
00:53:10,000 --> 00:53:10,680
Speaker 3: my dogs.

1194
00:53:10,880 --> 00:53:11,840
Speaker 2: People have been sending you.

1195
00:53:11,920 --> 00:53:12,600
Speaker 1: Some chows.

1196
00:53:12,680 --> 00:53:14,240
Speaker 2: I've been sending them along.

1197
00:53:14,080 --> 00:53:16,840
Speaker 3: So you know I do is watch chow videos on Instagram.

1198
00:53:16,960 --> 00:53:20,759
Speaker 3: I can't not stop watching chows. I just fucking love

1199
00:53:20,840 --> 00:53:22,799
Speaker 3: those dogs. I was talking to this guy the other

1200
00:53:22,880 --> 00:53:24,239
Speaker 3: day and he was like, you gotta get a pug,

1201
00:53:24,280 --> 00:53:26,359
Speaker 3: and I'm like, no, no, I don't like That's not

1202
00:53:26,360 --> 00:53:26,759
Speaker 3: my type.

1203
00:53:26,920 --> 00:53:28,080
Speaker 1: Visit mine. I'm a type.

1204
00:53:28,160 --> 00:53:30,760
Speaker 2: Yeah, and everyone has the type. You have to follow

1205
00:53:30,800 --> 00:53:33,879
Speaker 2: your heart exactly. Some people love a weenie, some people

1206
00:53:33,960 --> 00:53:34,880
Speaker 2: I love a pug.

1207
00:53:35,000 --> 00:53:35,359
Speaker 1: I love.

1208
00:53:35,800 --> 00:53:39,120
Speaker 2: Half of my Instagram these days is like singing dogs,

1209
00:53:39,280 --> 00:53:41,760
Speaker 2: or like dogs that are kind of howling and people

1210
00:53:41,760 --> 00:53:44,160
Speaker 2: will like write songs alongside them and it's hysteria.

1211
00:53:44,239 --> 00:53:46,759
Speaker 3: I like when dogs cuddle each other, like you see

1212
00:53:46,880 --> 00:53:49,719
Speaker 3: little sibling action and they are just on top of

1213
00:53:49,760 --> 00:53:52,880
Speaker 3: each other, And especially dogs with other animals that cuddle,

1214
00:53:53,000 --> 00:53:54,920
Speaker 3: that are sweet. Like there was this video of a

1215
00:53:54,960 --> 00:53:57,440
Speaker 3: horse and a dog the other day rubbing heads together.

1216
00:53:58,239 --> 00:54:02,760
Speaker 2: I almost climax you Okay, have you been on Safari before?

1217
00:54:02,920 --> 00:54:03,160
Speaker 1: Yes?

1218
00:54:03,520 --> 00:54:05,560
Speaker 2: And is it just the most magical.

1219
00:54:05,280 --> 00:54:07,520
Speaker 3: Its magical trip I've ever been on. You don't even

1220
00:54:07,560 --> 00:54:10,239
Speaker 3: have to care about animals. I mean, I'm an animal lover,

1221
00:54:10,320 --> 00:54:12,800
Speaker 3: but not like crazy, you know, I like my animals

1222
00:54:12,920 --> 00:54:16,080
Speaker 3: pretty much. Yeah, like watching animals, but I'm not like

1223
00:54:16,120 --> 00:54:18,600
Speaker 3: some crazy animal person. And it's just it feels like

1224
00:54:19,120 --> 00:54:22,560
Speaker 3: you're in a different time, in a different world. Yeah,

1225
00:54:22,600 --> 00:54:24,799
Speaker 3: Like Africa's the only place I've ever traveled to where

1226
00:54:24,840 --> 00:54:26,120
Speaker 3: I felt I was I was.

1227
00:54:26,080 --> 00:54:27,080
Speaker 1: On another continent.

1228
00:54:27,200 --> 00:54:30,280
Speaker 3: Yeah, seebe when you're in Europe or even you're South America,

1229
00:54:30,360 --> 00:54:33,960
Speaker 3: Like it's a little it's it's just feels like there's

1230
00:54:34,000 --> 00:54:37,560
Speaker 3: always access to Americanism, you know what I mean. Africa

1231
00:54:37,680 --> 00:54:40,640
Speaker 3: is Africa and there's nothing American about it.

1232
00:54:40,719 --> 00:54:42,960
Speaker 2: Are you going several places or are you going to

1233
00:54:43,000 --> 00:54:43,640
Speaker 2: be in one spot?

1234
00:54:43,760 --> 00:54:46,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, we're going to like three four different camps.

1235
00:54:46,160 --> 00:54:48,880
Speaker 3: Oh my god, my sister and myself and all of

1236
00:54:48,920 --> 00:54:51,640
Speaker 3: our you know, troops, all the girls and uh yeah,

1237
00:54:51,719 --> 00:54:53,920
Speaker 3: my sister's been too a few times. I've been on

1238
00:54:54,000 --> 00:54:57,160
Speaker 3: Safari twice before. Yeah, and it is the trip of

1239
00:54:57,200 --> 00:54:59,759
Speaker 3: a lifetime. And I want to see my nieces in

1240
00:55:00,320 --> 00:55:02,239
Speaker 3: and well not nephews because they're not coming.

1241
00:55:02,800 --> 00:55:03,400
Speaker 1: I want to see it.

1242
00:55:03,400 --> 00:55:06,400
Speaker 3: I was like, Nie, just a niece. I saw my

1243
00:55:06,440 --> 00:55:08,400
Speaker 3: nephews last weekend. They came to my show in the

1244
00:55:08,440 --> 00:55:11,399
Speaker 3: Cats Skills, and they are so big and tall. It's

1245
00:55:11,440 --> 00:55:15,400
Speaker 3: just so I'm just like a little any bitty thing

1246
00:55:15,480 --> 00:55:18,120
Speaker 3: next to them. I mean, it's just so funny. I'm

1247
00:55:18,160 --> 00:55:21,560
Speaker 3: like my Russian sister in law feeds them goulash, and

1248
00:55:21,640 --> 00:55:24,759
Speaker 3: I guess it works because I've never seen boys this thing.

1249
00:55:25,640 --> 00:55:28,920
Speaker 2: Oh my goodness, and it is true, like they grow up.

1250
00:55:29,040 --> 00:55:32,239
Speaker 3: So I mean my one nephew six ' five, oh

1251
00:55:32,239 --> 00:55:33,560
Speaker 3: my god, I know.

1252
00:55:33,760 --> 00:55:35,960
Speaker 1: And the other one like is so ridiculous.

1253
00:55:35,960 --> 00:55:38,880
Speaker 3: He works out so hard, so his chest is like

1254
00:55:39,040 --> 00:55:41,200
Speaker 3: he looks like, I'm like, you do not have the

1255
00:55:41,200 --> 00:55:43,080
Speaker 3: body type for that. I'm like, you look like you're

1256
00:55:43,120 --> 00:55:45,479
Speaker 3: from New Jersey, Like cool it with the working out,

1257
00:55:45,560 --> 00:55:46,360
Speaker 3: it's too much.

1258
00:55:47,200 --> 00:55:50,880
Speaker 2: My nephew, Evan, he he started going to military school,

1259
00:55:51,239 --> 00:55:56,400
Speaker 2: his choice, his choice, and he's like opening doors for

1260
00:55:56,520 --> 00:56:00,440
Speaker 2: his grandma now and like just being very risk spect

1261
00:56:00,560 --> 00:56:05,240
Speaker 2: fall and from military school. It's like learning all these

1262
00:56:05,480 --> 00:56:07,799
Speaker 2: you know, very old school but kind of nice things.

1263
00:56:07,840 --> 00:56:10,520
Speaker 2: It's like we women, we can open the doors ourselves,

1264
00:56:10,520 --> 00:56:11,279
Speaker 2: but like it's nice.

1265
00:56:11,280 --> 00:56:12,960
Speaker 1: I don't feel like opening a door for myself.

1266
00:56:13,040 --> 00:56:14,040
Speaker 2: I love it when somebody opened it.

1267
00:56:14,560 --> 00:56:16,799
Speaker 3: Also open doors for other people too, Like once the

1268
00:56:16,840 --> 00:56:20,279
Speaker 3: door's open, keep it open until the flow is done.

1269
00:56:20,400 --> 00:56:22,120
Speaker 3: And if you're a man, don't step in front of

1270
00:56:22,120 --> 00:56:23,359
Speaker 3: a woman when the door is open.

1271
00:56:23,440 --> 00:56:25,319
Speaker 1: Okay, just that's the least you can do.

1272
00:56:25,600 --> 00:56:28,120
Speaker 2: That is something that is a phenomenon that I never

1273
00:56:28,320 --> 00:56:31,960
Speaker 2: experienced in the Midwest. And we moved here, Chelsea, and

1274
00:56:32,040 --> 00:56:34,480
Speaker 2: like the first few weeks we were like what is happening?

1275
00:56:34,520 --> 00:56:36,200
Speaker 2: Like Brad would open the door for me and men

1276
00:56:36,239 --> 00:56:38,440
Speaker 2: would walk through it ahead of me. And one time

1277
00:56:38,440 --> 00:56:41,239
Speaker 2: where I was like, hey, I wasn't opening that for you, bro,

1278
00:56:41,440 --> 00:56:42,719
Speaker 2: Like I was opening it for my wife, and the

1279
00:56:42,760 --> 00:56:45,160
Speaker 2: guy like did a double take because he truly didn't

1280
00:56:45,160 --> 00:56:45,680
Speaker 2: even notice.

1281
00:56:45,680 --> 00:56:49,360
Speaker 1: He was like, oh, I'm sorry, Like they don't even notice.

1282
00:56:50,040 --> 00:56:54,480
Speaker 1: Ladies first, please, ladies first. Okay.

1283
00:56:54,600 --> 00:56:57,080
Speaker 3: Well that was our episode for today. It was a

1284
00:56:57,160 --> 00:56:59,000
Speaker 3: Catherine and Chelsea special.

1285
00:56:58,680 --> 00:56:59,360
Speaker 1: But sure was.

1286
00:57:00,440 --> 00:57:02,120
Speaker 2: I mean, I think we learned a lot. We gave

1287
00:57:02,160 --> 00:57:04,160
Speaker 2: some very pointed advice, and.

1288
00:57:04,600 --> 00:57:07,759
Speaker 1: I learned that to louse is a very French name.

1289
00:57:08,560 --> 00:57:10,359
Speaker 2: To lose la trek mung far.

1290
00:57:10,680 --> 00:57:12,480
Speaker 1: Who's to lose l trek monba.

1291
00:57:12,960 --> 00:57:17,560
Speaker 2: He was an artist of the Bohemian persuasion as as

1292
00:57:18,080 --> 00:57:21,400
Speaker 2: shown in the movie Mulan Rouge. You'll see him played

1293
00:57:21,400 --> 00:57:25,680
Speaker 2: by John Leguizamoh, okay, that's I think where my generation

1294
00:57:25,760 --> 00:57:28,960
Speaker 2: knows of to lose la track is from Mulan Rouge.

1295
00:57:29,640 --> 00:57:33,160
Speaker 1: Well, thanks for listening, everybody. We'll catch you next week.

1296
00:57:33,400 --> 00:57:35,680
Speaker 1: Bye bye, okay, guys.

1297
00:57:35,720 --> 00:57:39,160
Speaker 3: Also, I have added more second shows to my Little

1298
00:57:39,200 --> 00:57:42,720
Speaker 3: Big Bitch tour. I added second shows in Hollywood at

1299
00:57:42,720 --> 00:57:46,400
Speaker 3: the Pantagious. I am going to be there two nights

1300
00:57:46,520 --> 00:57:49,840
Speaker 3: October twelfth and thirteenth. I added another show at the

1301
00:57:49,920 --> 00:57:54,160
Speaker 3: Chicago Theater October twenty seventh and October twenty eighth, one

1302
00:57:54,200 --> 00:57:56,880
Speaker 3: of my favorite places to perform. I added another show

1303
00:57:56,920 --> 00:57:59,880
Speaker 3: in Portland, so I'll be there November second and third.

1304
00:58:00,200 --> 00:58:03,520
Speaker 3: And I added a second show in Boston at the

1305
00:58:03,520 --> 00:58:07,000
Speaker 3: Weighing Center, so I will be their November sixteenth and seventeenth,

1306
00:58:07,320 --> 00:58:10,800
Speaker 3: I also have two shows in Seattle, San Francisco, New

1307
00:58:10,880 --> 00:58:14,000
Speaker 3: York at the Beacon and Washington d C. I will

1308
00:58:14,040 --> 00:58:17,840
Speaker 3: be there October fifth and sixth, and a special shout

1309
00:58:17,840 --> 00:58:22,640
Speaker 3: out to Phoenix, Arizona, where I'm coming Saturday, October fourteenth.

1310
00:58:23,160 --> 00:58:26,880
Speaker 3: And then I'm coming to Cleveland Columbus in Pittsburgh, So

1311
00:58:26,920 --> 00:58:29,240
Speaker 3: suck on that, you guys. I can't wait to see everybody.

1312
00:58:29,560 --> 00:58:32,439
Speaker 3: Oh and I'm coming to Eugene, Oregon too, everybody. That's

1313
00:58:32,520 --> 00:58:36,880
Speaker 3: November ninth, twenty twenty three, and I will be at

1314
00:58:36,880 --> 00:58:39,680
Speaker 3: the Clubhouse in East Hampton, which is going to be

1315
00:58:39,720 --> 00:58:43,200
Speaker 3: a very intimate show on Saturday, August twenty sixth, So

1316
00:58:43,240 --> 00:58:46,280
Speaker 3: if you are in the Long Island area, that's.

1317
00:58:46,080 --> 00:58:47,920
Speaker 1: Where I'll be the Clubhouse.

1318
00:58:48,960 --> 00:58:53,600
Speaker 2: Courtney Cope's input is general psychological information based on research

1319
00:58:53,680 --> 00:58:56,960
Speaker 2: and clinical experience. It's intended to be general and informational

1320
00:58:57,040 --> 00:59:00,000
Speaker 2: in nature. It does not represent or indicate an established

1321
00:59:00,120 --> 00:59:04,120
Speaker 2: clinical or professional relationship with those inquiring for guidance. Courtney's

1322
00:59:04,120 --> 00:59:07,120
Speaker 2: feedback is in response to a written question, and therefore

1323
00:59:07,520 --> 00:59:11,440
Speaker 2: there are likely unknown considerations given the limited context. Also,

1324
00:59:11,640 --> 00:59:13,520
Speaker 2: just because you might hear something on the show that

1325
00:59:13,600 --> 00:59:17,120
Speaker 2: sounds similar to what you're experiencing. Beware of self diagnosis.

1326
00:59:17,640 --> 00:59:20,520
Speaker 2: Diagnosis is not required to find relief, and you'll want

1327
00:59:20,560 --> 00:59:23,640
Speaker 2: to find a qualified professional to assess and explore diagnoses

1328
00:59:23,960 --> 00:59:26,640
Speaker 2: if that's important to you. If you or your partner

1329
00:59:26,680 --> 00:59:30,240
Speaker 2: are in crisis and uncertain of whether you can maintain safety,

1330
00:59:30,400 --> 00:59:33,360
Speaker 2: reach out for support like crisis hotlines and local authorities

1331
00:59:33,600 --> 00:59:35,560
Speaker 2: have a safety plan that can be done with a

1332
00:59:35,600 --> 00:59:38,960
Speaker 2: therapist too. If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us

1333
00:59:38,960 --> 00:59:42,280
Speaker 2: an email at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com

1334
00:59:42,320 --> 00:59:45,000
Speaker 2: and be sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea

1335
00:59:45,120 --> 00:59:48,640
Speaker 2: is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine

1336
00:59:48,720 --> 00:59:50,680
Speaker 2: law and be sure to check out our merch at

1337
00:59:50,800 --> 00:59:52,680
Speaker 2: Chelseahandler dot com