1 00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:02,280 Speaker 1: You just get blindsided, broke up with out of the blue, 2 00:00:02,320 --> 00:00:04,080 Speaker 1: and he's like, did you do this? You do that? 3 00:00:04,120 --> 00:00:07,600 Speaker 1: And you're like, why didn't you tell me when those 4 00:00:07,640 --> 00:00:18,040 Speaker 1: things were happening? Because feedback is important. Hey everyone, welcome 5 00:00:18,040 --> 00:00:20,520 Speaker 1: back to On Purpose, the number one health podcast in 6 00:00:20,560 --> 00:00:22,360 Speaker 1: the world. Thanks to each and every one of you 7 00:00:22,440 --> 00:00:25,280 Speaker 1: that come back every week to listen, learn, and grow. 8 00:00:25,720 --> 00:00:28,360 Speaker 1: And I am so excited to be talking to you today. 9 00:00:28,640 --> 00:00:31,560 Speaker 1: I can't believe it. My new book Eight Rules of 10 00:00:31,600 --> 00:00:35,280 Speaker 1: Love is out and I cannot wait to share it 11 00:00:35,320 --> 00:00:38,120 Speaker 1: with you. I am so so excited for you to 12 00:00:38,159 --> 00:00:40,320 Speaker 1: read this book, for you to listen to this book. 13 00:00:40,360 --> 00:00:43,040 Speaker 1: I read the audiobook. If you haven't got it already, 14 00:00:43,520 --> 00:00:46,680 Speaker 1: make sure you go to eight Rules of Love dot com. 15 00:00:46,720 --> 00:00:50,640 Speaker 1: It's dedicated to anyone who's trying to find, keep, or 16 00:00:50,720 --> 00:00:53,000 Speaker 1: let go of love. So if you've got friends that 17 00:00:53,040 --> 00:00:56,480 Speaker 1: are dating, broken up, or struggling with love, make sure 18 00:00:56,480 --> 00:00:59,000 Speaker 1: you grab this book. And I'd love to invite you 19 00:00:59,040 --> 00:01:02,680 Speaker 1: to come and see me for my global tour Love Rules. 20 00:01:02,960 --> 00:01:06,440 Speaker 1: Go to Jay shelldytour dot com to learn more information 21 00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:10,720 Speaker 1: about tickets, VIP experiences, and more. I can't wait to 22 00:01:10,760 --> 00:01:13,520 Speaker 1: see you this year and so I've been loving learning 23 00:01:13,560 --> 00:01:17,880 Speaker 1: from anyone who has insights, tips, tricks about dating, about love, 24 00:01:17,920 --> 00:01:20,960 Speaker 1: about relationships, and today's guests are going to give us 25 00:01:21,040 --> 00:01:24,920 Speaker 1: a lot of that. I'm talking about the incredible podcasters 26 00:01:25,000 --> 00:01:29,600 Speaker 1: behind Girls Gotta Eat, a top comedy podcast about dating, intimacy, 27 00:01:29,680 --> 00:01:34,600 Speaker 1: and relationships hosted by Ashley Hesseltine and Raina Greenberg. Rainer 28 00:01:34,640 --> 00:01:38,640 Speaker 1: and Ashley candidly discuss any and all dating related topics, 29 00:01:38,920 --> 00:01:42,520 Speaker 1: ranging from fetishes to finances, and bring in regular guests 30 00:01:42,560 --> 00:01:48,200 Speaker 1: including therapists, comedians, doctors, and authors. Most recently Raina and Ashley, 31 00:01:48,240 --> 00:01:50,760 Speaker 1: I've launched a new company and I'm so excited to 32 00:01:50,800 --> 00:01:53,560 Speaker 1: interview them right now. The company's called Vibes Only, and 33 00:01:53,600 --> 00:01:57,000 Speaker 1: they're in the studio right now. Ashley and Raina, thank 34 00:01:57,040 --> 00:01:58,880 Speaker 1: you so much for being here. Thank you so much. 35 00:01:59,000 --> 00:02:03,400 Speaker 1: So it's such a love intro. You so much, lovely interview, 36 00:02:04,400 --> 00:02:07,480 Speaker 1: so great interview in which she really gets off on 37 00:02:08,360 --> 00:02:10,120 Speaker 1: love that. Wait yeah, wait till we flip in and 38 00:02:10,160 --> 00:02:14,600 Speaker 1: we get to hyper love language. So thank you for 39 00:02:14,600 --> 00:02:17,240 Speaker 1: having us. No, I'm so excited. As I said, my 40 00:02:17,360 --> 00:02:20,400 Speaker 1: whole team are huge fans. Anyone that I told I 41 00:02:20,440 --> 00:02:22,359 Speaker 1: was going to see you today. They were like, oh 42 00:02:22,440 --> 00:02:25,320 Speaker 1: my gosh, wait, please say hello. So there was so 43 00:02:25,400 --> 00:02:28,200 Speaker 1: much energy for us to be together. And I've definitely 44 00:02:28,240 --> 00:02:29,840 Speaker 1: felt like I've been trying to do more and more 45 00:02:29,840 --> 00:02:32,440 Speaker 1: of this where and I think we'll see this when 46 00:02:32,919 --> 00:02:35,120 Speaker 1: we post about it and talk about it. I've been 47 00:02:35,160 --> 00:02:36,800 Speaker 1: trying to sit down with people that people don't expect 48 00:02:36,800 --> 00:02:38,440 Speaker 1: me to sit down with and that people don't expect 49 00:02:38,440 --> 00:02:39,680 Speaker 1: to sit down with me, and I think that's what 50 00:02:39,840 --> 00:02:43,520 Speaker 1: creates this, like really beautiful synergy in getting to know people. 51 00:02:43,520 --> 00:02:45,080 Speaker 1: So I want to get to know you both today. 52 00:02:45,280 --> 00:02:47,400 Speaker 1: I also want all your advice because my audience is 53 00:02:47,440 --> 00:02:50,920 Speaker 1: constantly looking for advice and tips and tricks. But I 54 00:02:50,960 --> 00:02:52,680 Speaker 1: want to start off with just by saying, how's your 55 00:02:52,720 --> 00:02:54,480 Speaker 1: day been so far? What have you been up to today? 56 00:02:54,480 --> 00:02:59,160 Speaker 1: Anything fun? Driving through the hills, about taking a tour. 57 00:02:59,400 --> 00:03:02,239 Speaker 1: But we just moved here, I mean I say moved loosely, 58 00:03:02,280 --> 00:03:04,240 Speaker 1: but we're going to be here for a few months, 59 00:03:04,240 --> 00:03:07,600 Speaker 1: maybe permanently. So wow, congrats paying a new part of 60 00:03:07,720 --> 00:03:10,840 Speaker 1: LA and meeting you, and we were we actually have 61 00:03:10,919 --> 00:03:14,120 Speaker 1: had a pretty exciting day work wise. We booked some 62 00:03:14,160 --> 00:03:16,960 Speaker 1: really fun stuff interviews, we have to go back to 63 00:03:16,960 --> 00:03:20,240 Speaker 1: New York for some things, and it's been a good day. Yeah. 64 00:03:20,360 --> 00:03:23,520 Speaker 1: We're planning our next leg of our tour London, where 65 00:03:23,520 --> 00:03:25,480 Speaker 1: you're from, so we're excited to go there. We'll out 66 00:03:25,560 --> 00:03:27,560 Speaker 1: that soon. Um. Yes, So we did a lot of 67 00:03:27,560 --> 00:03:29,519 Speaker 1: really fun stuff because we're releasing really fun things for 68 00:03:29,600 --> 00:03:34,520 Speaker 1: Valentine's Day far our Intimacy company. Yes, yeah, it's been 69 00:03:34,560 --> 00:03:37,400 Speaker 1: a great day. That's feeling good. Where are you staying 70 00:03:37,440 --> 00:03:38,960 Speaker 1: right now? You said you're in a good area. Was 71 00:03:39,000 --> 00:03:41,960 Speaker 1: the specifically where you're saying? I'm in West Hollywood? Okay? 72 00:03:42,040 --> 00:03:45,880 Speaker 1: And Reynos she can speak for self, but she's in Veness. Yeah. 73 00:03:45,920 --> 00:03:48,040 Speaker 1: I love Venis. Yeah. The first time I and my 74 00:03:48,080 --> 00:03:51,840 Speaker 1: wife came here for work, we stayed in Burbank, and 75 00:03:51,920 --> 00:03:54,040 Speaker 1: my wife was just like, oh my gosh, there's nothing 76 00:03:54,080 --> 00:03:57,040 Speaker 1: to do in LA because we thought Burbank. And then 77 00:03:57,080 --> 00:03:58,960 Speaker 1: the second time we came, we stayed in West Hollywood 78 00:03:58,960 --> 00:04:00,960 Speaker 1: and oh, this is cool. I can go to the gym, 79 00:04:01,040 --> 00:04:03,520 Speaker 1: I can get creation. Yeah, and then by the third 80 00:04:03,520 --> 00:04:05,080 Speaker 1: time she was like, Okay, yeah, we can move that. 81 00:04:05,240 --> 00:04:07,440 Speaker 1: So it took take a process. It's a hard city 82 00:04:07,480 --> 00:04:09,800 Speaker 1: to know. And I came here so many times, and 83 00:04:09,800 --> 00:04:12,040 Speaker 1: it's just I feel like most cities we go to, 84 00:04:12,120 --> 00:04:14,680 Speaker 1: like Charleston or Austin or Chicago, I can know it 85 00:04:14,720 --> 00:04:17,040 Speaker 1: in two days. I'm like, I get it. But La 86 00:04:17,240 --> 00:04:19,200 Speaker 1: is so big and so vast or so many areas 87 00:04:19,200 --> 00:04:21,280 Speaker 1: it takes a minute. But we're really loving it. We've 88 00:04:21,279 --> 00:04:23,239 Speaker 1: been here for two weeks. It's just been really amazing 89 00:04:23,240 --> 00:04:24,960 Speaker 1: to it. I went to the beach for a sunset 90 00:04:25,040 --> 00:04:27,560 Speaker 1: last night. Yeah, and it's just been really nice. I 91 00:04:27,600 --> 00:04:29,279 Speaker 1: love that. I want to start dating here. So we're 92 00:04:29,320 --> 00:04:32,200 Speaker 1: excited about each other other people. Okay, okay, got it 93 00:04:32,240 --> 00:04:34,200 Speaker 1: all right, let's let's let's dive into day let's go 94 00:04:34,600 --> 00:04:38,120 Speaker 1: come out. Yeah. Yeah, when we said we're moving to La, 95 00:04:38,160 --> 00:04:44,760 Speaker 1: everybody's like together, we're like adults. No, but yeah, let's 96 00:04:44,800 --> 00:04:46,640 Speaker 1: let's talk about that. When when it comes to daying, 97 00:04:46,680 --> 00:04:49,599 Speaker 1: I want to hear, what's been the best day you've 98 00:04:49,600 --> 00:04:51,839 Speaker 1: ever been on? Oh? My god, the best? So for me, 99 00:04:51,960 --> 00:04:53,680 Speaker 1: like what defines a good day. It's not like the 100 00:04:53,680 --> 00:04:56,320 Speaker 1: activity necessarily, She's how hard I'm laughing with somebody, and 101 00:04:56,360 --> 00:04:57,800 Speaker 1: then I want to go to like the next place, 102 00:04:57,800 --> 00:04:59,880 Speaker 1: in the next place, the next place, and just like drink, 103 00:05:00,080 --> 00:05:03,080 Speaker 1: dinner or whatever. Um. I had a really crazy date 104 00:05:03,120 --> 00:05:04,479 Speaker 1: that was on my first date in New York City 105 00:05:04,520 --> 00:05:06,600 Speaker 1: ever fifteen years ago. This guy like picked me up 106 00:05:06,600 --> 00:05:08,159 Speaker 1: in a car, which is crazy. You don't do that 107 00:05:08,160 --> 00:05:13,479 Speaker 1: New York. And he took the red flag yeah, and 108 00:05:13,560 --> 00:05:15,640 Speaker 1: he took me to Boodha Bar and we just had 109 00:05:15,640 --> 00:05:17,080 Speaker 1: this like crazy over the tip of New Year. I 110 00:05:17,080 --> 00:05:18,360 Speaker 1: was like, I can't believe I'm doing it. I'm in 111 00:05:18,400 --> 00:05:20,040 Speaker 1: New York. This is a new experience, a new place. 112 00:05:20,200 --> 00:05:22,359 Speaker 1: Is hot. Guy, it's so cool. We just laughed on 113 00:05:22,440 --> 00:05:25,160 Speaker 1: it and we drank. We drank a lot, and then 114 00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:26,920 Speaker 1: we took a car. We left his car. We took 115 00:05:26,920 --> 00:05:28,920 Speaker 1: a car to the airports. We decided we're going to 116 00:05:29,000 --> 00:05:33,520 Speaker 1: fly to the Caribbean on the on the first date. 117 00:05:33,560 --> 00:05:37,719 Speaker 1: And we went to the airport. Were you on once sober? 118 00:05:38,520 --> 00:05:41,240 Speaker 1: We went to We drove out to New York and 119 00:05:41,520 --> 00:05:43,520 Speaker 1: we got to me over York. It was one o'clock 120 00:05:43,520 --> 00:05:45,960 Speaker 1: in the morning and they were like, no flights fly 121 00:05:46,120 --> 00:05:49,520 Speaker 1: out right now, and we were to go back home. 122 00:05:49,760 --> 00:05:51,960 Speaker 1: If you find yourself in an airport in New Jersey 123 00:05:51,960 --> 00:05:54,920 Speaker 1: on a first date, something has gone all right, you know. 124 00:05:55,080 --> 00:05:56,840 Speaker 1: Mean though I like a birth was a little crazy. 125 00:05:56,960 --> 00:05:58,800 Speaker 1: So I was like, this is the coolest person I 126 00:05:58,800 --> 00:06:00,920 Speaker 1: ever met. Also, I was twenty one, but I just 127 00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:03,720 Speaker 1: like somebody who like surprises me. It's fun, good conversation. 128 00:06:04,040 --> 00:06:05,880 Speaker 1: That was like a fun date for me. What's your 129 00:06:05,920 --> 00:06:08,159 Speaker 1: best date? I mean I had these dates when I 130 00:06:08,160 --> 00:06:11,480 Speaker 1: first moved to New York that were just epic, where you're, 131 00:06:12,200 --> 00:06:14,680 Speaker 1: you know, in a basement dancing and then you go 132 00:06:14,839 --> 00:06:17,560 Speaker 1: have like saki and sushi somewhere and you end up 133 00:06:17,600 --> 00:06:19,719 Speaker 1: with late night tacos, you start on a rooftop, like 134 00:06:19,760 --> 00:06:22,600 Speaker 1: all these epic dates. Like I really loved dating there 135 00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:24,279 Speaker 1: and going out with guys that were like showing me 136 00:06:24,320 --> 00:06:25,400 Speaker 1: the city. I mean, I've been in New York a 137 00:06:25,440 --> 00:06:27,520 Speaker 1: million times, but I always say it's a really great 138 00:06:27,520 --> 00:06:28,640 Speaker 1: way to get to know a city is to have 139 00:06:28,720 --> 00:06:30,720 Speaker 1: people take you out. So guys would take me all 140 00:06:30,720 --> 00:06:32,680 Speaker 1: these places and I would take dates there later and 141 00:06:32,680 --> 00:06:34,200 Speaker 1: just act like I was a school girl who knew 142 00:06:34,200 --> 00:06:36,320 Speaker 1: my way around the city so well. But I mean, 143 00:06:37,360 --> 00:06:39,880 Speaker 1: it's just it feels like it's so obvious, Like the 144 00:06:39,920 --> 00:06:42,160 Speaker 1: best date I've ever been almost probably with like the 145 00:06:42,160 --> 00:06:43,840 Speaker 1: person I fell the most in love with, Like the 146 00:06:43,839 --> 00:06:46,800 Speaker 1: first date that was like so casual. It was a 147 00:06:46,880 --> 00:06:48,760 Speaker 1: day date where it was probably gonna roast me for this, 148 00:06:48,800 --> 00:06:51,120 Speaker 1: but he loves a date, you know. I like showed up. 149 00:06:52,000 --> 00:06:54,080 Speaker 1: Though I showed up, he was already eating because he 150 00:06:54,120 --> 00:06:55,479 Speaker 1: was nervous. I was like, this is off to a 151 00:06:55,560 --> 00:06:57,960 Speaker 1: terrible start, you know, and it was like should have 152 00:06:58,000 --> 00:07:00,279 Speaker 1: been so bad. But you're sitting there with someone where 153 00:07:00,279 --> 00:07:03,479 Speaker 1: you're like, oh, this is the real deal. So it's like, yeah, 154 00:07:03,520 --> 00:07:06,280 Speaker 1: it's quarry as it sounds. That's probably the best date 155 00:07:06,360 --> 00:07:09,159 Speaker 1: where you leave it and you're like, okay, this is 156 00:07:09,200 --> 00:07:11,840 Speaker 1: a probably yeah, all right, what's the worst date you've 157 00:07:11,840 --> 00:07:17,040 Speaker 1: ever been? Because I know you're gonna have what's that? Yeah? 158 00:07:17,080 --> 00:07:19,080 Speaker 1: I try to not look at any like so many 159 00:07:19,080 --> 00:07:20,280 Speaker 1: of our listeners are like I don't want to go 160 00:07:20,320 --> 00:07:21,720 Speaker 1: on Baddy. So it's like at least you walk away 161 00:07:21,720 --> 00:07:23,560 Speaker 1: with a story. So that's like the positive is that 162 00:07:23,840 --> 00:07:25,560 Speaker 1: even if you're a day as long as you feel safe, 163 00:07:26,000 --> 00:07:28,440 Speaker 1: if somebody's I bring a little bit like crazy and 164 00:07:28,480 --> 00:07:31,000 Speaker 1: an idiot, I'll stay. Oh I'll see this through. Um. 165 00:07:31,280 --> 00:07:33,840 Speaker 1: The worst date I think I've been on was right 166 00:07:33,840 --> 00:07:35,640 Speaker 1: when we started the podcast. I had met this guy 167 00:07:35,680 --> 00:07:37,360 Speaker 1: at a bar a few nights ago, and he had 168 00:07:37,360 --> 00:07:38,920 Speaker 1: asked me out, so he'd met him before. This is 169 00:07:38,920 --> 00:07:41,720 Speaker 1: not like an online date m. We picked this dive 170 00:07:41,800 --> 00:07:43,360 Speaker 1: bar to go too because they were supposed to the 171 00:07:43,360 --> 00:07:45,040 Speaker 1: best burgers. He said he'd never had them. I was like, Oh, 172 00:07:45,040 --> 00:07:46,680 Speaker 1: we gotta go. There'd be such a fun date. He 173 00:07:46,720 --> 00:07:49,200 Speaker 1: didn't confirm the date the day of, and I was like, 174 00:07:49,240 --> 00:07:51,640 Speaker 1: this is already like kind of rude. I showed up. 175 00:07:51,640 --> 00:07:53,880 Speaker 1: He was already there and he'd gotten himself a drink 176 00:07:54,080 --> 00:07:56,120 Speaker 1: and it was pouring down rain. So I walk in. 177 00:07:56,200 --> 00:07:58,600 Speaker 1: He'd gotten himself a drink, and I walk up to 178 00:07:58,600 --> 00:08:00,680 Speaker 1: the bar and I order a drink and all cash, 179 00:08:00,920 --> 00:08:02,520 Speaker 1: and so I looked at him. This is a die bar. 180 00:08:02,600 --> 00:08:04,720 Speaker 1: The drinks for six dollars. And I looked at him 181 00:08:04,760 --> 00:08:06,640 Speaker 1: because I thought maybe he would like buy me the drink. 182 00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:08,440 Speaker 1: And he was like, there's an ATM like down the 183 00:08:08,480 --> 00:08:11,720 Speaker 1: street in the poor rain. I get my own money. 184 00:08:11,720 --> 00:08:13,680 Speaker 1: And I was like, I guess I'll just saddle up 185 00:08:13,720 --> 00:08:16,920 Speaker 1: and stay. And you did there and came back. Oh yeah, 186 00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:18,520 Speaker 1: I went, I got I got the cash. When we 187 00:08:18,520 --> 00:08:21,560 Speaker 1: started the podcast we had we talked about this on 188 00:08:21,560 --> 00:08:23,960 Speaker 1: the podcast we didn't also how to lose because the 189 00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:26,600 Speaker 1: beauty of what we do. You just stay for the story. Yeah, 190 00:08:27,160 --> 00:08:29,000 Speaker 1: the story. Like I'm like I'll actually pick the tap. 191 00:08:29,080 --> 00:08:31,360 Speaker 1: But that's since the podcast started, not before the budget. 192 00:08:31,520 --> 00:08:34,320 Speaker 1: But I've always done comedy, so I'm like it's always good. Yeah, 193 00:08:34,400 --> 00:08:36,360 Speaker 1: like the best dates are the worst dates are the 194 00:08:36,360 --> 00:08:39,440 Speaker 1: best dates for the content. Yeah anyway, sorry, Yeah, he 195 00:08:39,520 --> 00:08:41,680 Speaker 1: just he interrupted me constantly and asked me any questions 196 00:08:41,679 --> 00:08:43,959 Speaker 1: about myself any time I would talk for any long 197 00:08:44,120 --> 00:08:46,480 Speaker 1: sixty seconds on myself. He looked so bored. He couldn't 198 00:08:46,520 --> 00:08:48,520 Speaker 1: he just couldn't be bothered. He was just rude. He 199 00:08:48,559 --> 00:08:50,920 Speaker 1: wasn't engaged at all. And then somebody came up and 200 00:08:50,920 --> 00:08:52,880 Speaker 1: like recognized me a place to be a food blogger, 201 00:08:52,880 --> 00:08:54,600 Speaker 1: and this guy was like, oh my god, I follow you. 202 00:08:54,880 --> 00:08:56,720 Speaker 1: And that guy walked away, and I was like, that's 203 00:08:56,720 --> 00:08:58,679 Speaker 1: so cool. Nobody even recognized me back, and that was 204 00:08:58,760 --> 00:09:01,160 Speaker 1: so cool to me. And he just jumped right back 205 00:09:01,160 --> 00:09:03,000 Speaker 1: into his story like no acknowledgement of Like, that's so 206 00:09:03,080 --> 00:09:04,800 Speaker 1: neat that you're you know, people are a fan of 207 00:09:04,800 --> 00:09:07,640 Speaker 1: your work. He just was like rude to start to finish, 208 00:09:07,640 --> 00:09:10,320 Speaker 1: and then he insisted that I split every single round 209 00:09:10,360 --> 00:09:12,680 Speaker 1: at the bar with him. And actually, and I have 210 00:09:12,840 --> 00:09:16,439 Speaker 1: mixed feelings about paying on dates when I don't want 211 00:09:16,480 --> 00:09:18,360 Speaker 1: you to make it weird. I don't think that anybody 212 00:09:18,360 --> 00:09:20,600 Speaker 1: owes me money, but I don't want you to be 213 00:09:20,640 --> 00:09:24,280 Speaker 1: so rude to me, especially again thanks or six dollars. So, yes, 214 00:09:24,360 --> 00:09:26,280 Speaker 1: he was rude. He didn't ask questions. I just didn't 215 00:09:26,280 --> 00:09:28,240 Speaker 1: feel about That's probably the worst date I've ever been on. 216 00:09:28,360 --> 00:09:33,560 Speaker 1: What we never talked again? Musa. They're actually back together. Yeah, 217 00:09:33,559 --> 00:09:36,880 Speaker 1: he moved here with us. Am I is it probably 218 00:09:37,120 --> 00:09:39,800 Speaker 1: like the voice, the catfish voice. I don't know. That's 219 00:09:39,840 --> 00:09:42,520 Speaker 1: pretty okay, I need to know this. Yeah, so this, 220 00:09:42,720 --> 00:09:45,960 Speaker 1: I guess it just started this rule of me not 221 00:09:46,040 --> 00:09:48,160 Speaker 1: going on a date. It actually kind of stopped me 222 00:09:48,320 --> 00:09:50,120 Speaker 1: getting on the apps. Probably this might have been one 223 00:09:50,160 --> 00:09:52,040 Speaker 1: of the very last app dates I did. I actually 224 00:09:52,040 --> 00:09:56,520 Speaker 1: came back to New York from you know, quarantine COVID times. 225 00:09:56,520 --> 00:09:58,800 Speaker 1: I was at my parents' house and when things felt 226 00:09:58,800 --> 00:10:01,640 Speaker 1: safe enough and people were going having like patio dates, 227 00:10:01,920 --> 00:10:04,240 Speaker 1: I was like on the streets like I was in 228 00:10:04,320 --> 00:10:06,600 Speaker 1: like FEMA tents on the street having dates like I 229 00:10:06,679 --> 00:10:08,600 Speaker 1: was like, what is what are we doing out here, 230 00:10:08,640 --> 00:10:10,320 Speaker 1: you know, that's like all you could do. But I 231 00:10:10,320 --> 00:10:12,720 Speaker 1: think people really wanted that connection. They've been inside for 232 00:10:12,720 --> 00:10:14,560 Speaker 1: so long, so they were doing whatever it took. I 233 00:10:14,600 --> 00:10:16,400 Speaker 1: felt like it was a fun time to date. It 234 00:10:16,520 --> 00:10:18,000 Speaker 1: was like the people that were in New York were 235 00:10:18,000 --> 00:10:19,679 Speaker 1: ready to be out there. A lot of people have 236 00:10:19,840 --> 00:10:23,200 Speaker 1: like broken up in the pandemic and so that you know, 237 00:10:23,360 --> 00:10:25,520 Speaker 1: late summer into the fall, and then it kind of 238 00:10:25,520 --> 00:10:27,520 Speaker 1: shut down again. In the Winner of twenty twenty was 239 00:10:27,520 --> 00:10:29,400 Speaker 1: like a dating time, but we were all just out 240 00:10:29,440 --> 00:10:32,360 Speaker 1: on the literal streets, and so there were a few 241 00:10:32,400 --> 00:10:34,120 Speaker 1: times where I was like, I can't do this anymore. 242 00:10:34,160 --> 00:10:36,480 Speaker 1: I'm just like drinking saki out of a plastic cup. 243 00:10:36,520 --> 00:10:38,640 Speaker 1: It's thirty to creeze out, Like what is my life? 244 00:10:38,640 --> 00:10:40,360 Speaker 1: I have a space heater by my feet, like I 245 00:10:40,400 --> 00:10:43,439 Speaker 1: can't in a tent, you know, like in these little 246 00:10:43,480 --> 00:10:47,280 Speaker 1: like structures that they built. But this one really set 247 00:10:47,320 --> 00:10:49,400 Speaker 1: the tone for I'm not going out with strangers anymore 248 00:10:49,440 --> 00:10:51,319 Speaker 1: that I haven't heard their voice, I haven't seen them 249 00:10:51,320 --> 00:10:53,360 Speaker 1: walk and talk. And this guy, we had such a 250 00:10:53,400 --> 00:10:55,920 Speaker 1: good banter. Remember we were bantering all throughout the election 251 00:10:56,040 --> 00:10:58,200 Speaker 1: that the election that lasted a week long before we 252 00:10:58,240 --> 00:11:00,719 Speaker 1: got the results. So we were texting all week and 253 00:11:01,000 --> 00:11:03,240 Speaker 1: his banter was on point. He looked really cute as pictures. 254 00:11:03,240 --> 00:11:07,240 Speaker 1: He was tall and had a job, and we I 255 00:11:07,320 --> 00:11:09,040 Speaker 1: was like, what's the catch here, Because if you're a 256 00:11:09,040 --> 00:11:10,679 Speaker 1: woman who dates New York City for quite some time, 257 00:11:10,679 --> 00:11:12,200 Speaker 1: you know that there's gonna be a catch there just 258 00:11:12,400 --> 00:11:14,800 Speaker 1: is you know, like, what's gonna be wrong with this guy? 259 00:11:14,880 --> 00:11:17,719 Speaker 1: And he walked up. We met on the street to 260 00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:19,600 Speaker 1: walk to this bar. He looked just like his photos, 261 00:11:19,600 --> 00:11:23,760 Speaker 1: and like, what's it gonna be? When he spoke, it 262 00:11:23,840 --> 00:11:27,640 Speaker 1: was the voice of Michael Jackson. It was the most song. 263 00:11:29,040 --> 00:11:33,199 Speaker 1: It was Michael Jackson. I mean it was most feminine, 264 00:11:33,760 --> 00:11:37,800 Speaker 1: teeny tiny boys on a six six man. And I 265 00:11:37,880 --> 00:11:40,960 Speaker 1: was like, fadith And so we go. We sit at 266 00:11:40,960 --> 00:11:43,720 Speaker 1: this place. I've never felt too much like I was 267 00:11:43,720 --> 00:11:46,280 Speaker 1: pulling teeth. Remember one point we were talking about candles. 268 00:11:46,520 --> 00:11:48,480 Speaker 1: I was like, I'm on a date talking about my 269 00:11:48,520 --> 00:11:51,720 Speaker 1: favorite candle. Something that's gone wrong here. He was telling 270 00:11:51,720 --> 00:11:53,000 Speaker 1: me how he broke up with this girl. They had 271 00:11:53,000 --> 00:11:55,480 Speaker 1: a pumpkin carving contest. I was like, this is insane. 272 00:11:55,520 --> 00:11:58,599 Speaker 1: I actually went to the bathroom in the Standard in 273 00:11:58,640 --> 00:12:00,760 Speaker 1: the East Village and took like a sexy selfie in 274 00:12:00,760 --> 00:12:03,640 Speaker 1: the mirror for myself. Like that's with the point that 275 00:12:03,679 --> 00:12:06,280 Speaker 1: I was at that I needed to feel myself because 276 00:12:06,280 --> 00:12:08,160 Speaker 1: I was on this terrible date and we had one 277 00:12:08,240 --> 00:12:10,600 Speaker 1: drink and I insisted on splitting the bill just to 278 00:12:10,679 --> 00:12:12,440 Speaker 1: let him know that he was in the friend zone. 279 00:12:12,480 --> 00:12:14,600 Speaker 1: And we never that was it was just his voice, 280 00:12:15,200 --> 00:12:17,280 Speaker 1: his whole energy, all right. And really, you know, I 281 00:12:17,600 --> 00:12:19,160 Speaker 1: don't know that I could have got past that voice, 282 00:12:19,200 --> 00:12:20,960 Speaker 1: but I can get past a not great voice. But 283 00:12:21,040 --> 00:12:25,040 Speaker 1: the energy was completely off, like I was. It was 284 00:12:25,080 --> 00:12:27,520 Speaker 1: not it was not it. And that's kind of you know, 285 00:12:28,120 --> 00:12:29,800 Speaker 1: we can talk today about whatever you want, but like 286 00:12:29,840 --> 00:12:32,280 Speaker 1: when people always ask us about app dating versus meeting 287 00:12:32,280 --> 00:12:34,360 Speaker 1: people in the wild, and that's one of the reasons 288 00:12:34,400 --> 00:12:36,520 Speaker 1: it doesn't work, because you don't have a vibe for 289 00:12:36,559 --> 00:12:39,319 Speaker 1: a person. You haven't seen how they interact in the world, 290 00:12:39,360 --> 00:12:41,240 Speaker 1: how they walk, how they talk, if you're attracted to 291 00:12:41,240 --> 00:12:44,959 Speaker 1: the way they smell or their posture. You know, little 292 00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:48,439 Speaker 1: things like that you don't know through photos on an app. 293 00:12:48,480 --> 00:12:51,080 Speaker 1: So that was a prime example. Yeah, we really support 294 00:12:51,120 --> 00:12:53,880 Speaker 1: online dating, and not everybody has the option of the audio, 295 00:12:53,920 --> 00:12:56,480 Speaker 1: and Ashley's in comedy club, she's comedian. Not everybody has 296 00:12:56,520 --> 00:12:59,600 Speaker 1: the option to do that. But we really encourage people 297 00:12:59,600 --> 00:13:01,560 Speaker 1: to push themselves to be out into the world as 298 00:13:01,640 --> 00:13:03,360 Speaker 1: much as they can and make eye contact with somebody 299 00:13:03,360 --> 00:13:05,000 Speaker 1: at a bar that you think is cute, ask questions, 300 00:13:05,040 --> 00:13:07,199 Speaker 1: say yes to everything. If if you're the kind of 301 00:13:07,200 --> 00:13:08,720 Speaker 1: person it's like I'm single, I don't want to be, 302 00:13:09,040 --> 00:13:11,560 Speaker 1: then put yourself in situations to meet people. And I've 303 00:13:11,559 --> 00:13:13,360 Speaker 1: had really good luck just meeting people in the wild. 304 00:13:13,400 --> 00:13:15,200 Speaker 1: Everybody I've ever dated it has been somebody I've met 305 00:13:15,200 --> 00:13:18,040 Speaker 1: in the wild. I've gone on like two eating dating 306 00:13:18,040 --> 00:13:20,520 Speaker 1: app dates in my life. It's just not for me. Yeah, 307 00:13:20,559 --> 00:13:23,719 Speaker 1: I get fatigued shopping for people. People like how's your day, 308 00:13:23,720 --> 00:13:26,840 Speaker 1: and I'm like, oh, I don't care about this. So 309 00:13:27,000 --> 00:13:28,960 Speaker 1: I just encourage people to like just get out more, 310 00:13:29,000 --> 00:13:31,440 Speaker 1: even if that means like typically you work inside your 311 00:13:31,480 --> 00:13:33,240 Speaker 1: home all day long, go work at a coffee shop. 312 00:13:33,440 --> 00:13:36,560 Speaker 1: I worked at Intelligency at coffee on Sunday morning, and 313 00:13:36,600 --> 00:13:39,680 Speaker 1: I like met so many people, And it's just it's 314 00:13:39,679 --> 00:13:41,480 Speaker 1: not easy for everybody and need to put yourself out there. 315 00:13:41,520 --> 00:13:43,280 Speaker 1: But if if your pain point is I'm single and 316 00:13:43,320 --> 00:13:44,880 Speaker 1: I don't want to be, then you have to put 317 00:13:44,920 --> 00:13:48,720 Speaker 1: yourself in situations to not be. Yeah, yeah, absolutely I haven't. 318 00:13:48,760 --> 00:13:51,640 Speaker 1: So I haven't dated for and I don't need to. 319 00:13:51,640 --> 00:13:57,240 Speaker 1: Obviously I married, just I haven't break right now. You're like, 320 00:13:57,280 --> 00:14:00,720 Speaker 1: I'm taking a break right now. No, that's this clarifying. 321 00:14:00,920 --> 00:14:04,880 Speaker 1: I amn't dated for fourteen years. Wow, because I was 322 00:14:04,880 --> 00:14:06,319 Speaker 1: a monk for three years and then got married to 323 00:14:06,360 --> 00:14:08,000 Speaker 1: my wife. Well, no, so I started dating my wife 324 00:14:08,000 --> 00:14:10,200 Speaker 1: ten years ago. I did. I did it ten years ago, 325 00:14:10,240 --> 00:14:13,040 Speaker 1: ten years ago. But absolute a thing when I started dating. 326 00:14:13,160 --> 00:14:16,120 Speaker 1: So we met. We met through my sister who happened 327 00:14:16,120 --> 00:14:18,360 Speaker 1: to be our wing person. She's like really close friends 328 00:14:18,360 --> 00:14:20,720 Speaker 1: with my wife now. She was friends with her before 329 00:14:20,720 --> 00:14:22,320 Speaker 1: and she's one of my best friends too. So she 330 00:14:22,360 --> 00:14:25,320 Speaker 1: did the work. But I always wonder, like the closest 331 00:14:25,360 --> 00:14:27,960 Speaker 1: expence I've had to it is trying to recruit during 332 00:14:27,960 --> 00:14:30,200 Speaker 1: the pandemic. So when I was hiring people and doing 333 00:14:30,240 --> 00:14:32,880 Speaker 1: interviews over zoom or interviews over the phone, I was 334 00:14:32,880 --> 00:14:35,840 Speaker 1: just like, Wow, I'm getting no energy from this person, 335 00:14:35,920 --> 00:14:39,040 Speaker 1: Like I'm not understanding. It's impossible to tell someone could 336 00:14:39,080 --> 00:14:41,160 Speaker 1: have the best energy, but through zoom you could never tell. 337 00:14:41,200 --> 00:14:43,480 Speaker 1: And so that's the closest I can relate to that. 338 00:14:43,560 --> 00:14:46,240 Speaker 1: But I'm intrigued by what you're saying, because you're saying 339 00:14:46,240 --> 00:14:49,440 Speaker 1: go to places, how everyone has that one friend who's 340 00:14:49,480 --> 00:14:51,840 Speaker 1: always trying to set them up. Do you have that 341 00:14:51,880 --> 00:14:53,880 Speaker 1: one friend both of you. I feel like all of 342 00:14:53,880 --> 00:14:57,840 Speaker 1: our friends the guy they would date that person, but 343 00:14:58,400 --> 00:15:00,280 Speaker 1: we do ask her friends. We talked about a lot 344 00:15:00,280 --> 00:15:02,880 Speaker 1: of the podcast, like telling your friends I would like 345 00:15:02,960 --> 00:15:04,960 Speaker 1: to be set up and like letting them know I'd 346 00:15:04,960 --> 00:15:07,080 Speaker 1: like you to think of me for this, because not 347 00:15:07,160 --> 00:15:10,000 Speaker 1: everybody thinks that you want that, and some people think 348 00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:12,280 Speaker 1: it might be insulting to suggest that. Well, we did 349 00:15:12,320 --> 00:15:14,120 Speaker 1: a whole episode on it because it's such an art 350 00:15:14,120 --> 00:15:16,400 Speaker 1: form to setting people up. And what we hate the 351 00:15:16,400 --> 00:15:18,400 Speaker 1: most is like, you're single, they're single. You guys should 352 00:15:18,400 --> 00:15:20,440 Speaker 1: be together. It's an insult. It's like, what does that 353 00:15:20,480 --> 00:15:23,200 Speaker 1: even mean? Like just two people existing in the world, 354 00:15:23,280 --> 00:15:26,160 Speaker 1: they're going to match. So I think that it's nice 355 00:15:26,160 --> 00:15:27,640 Speaker 1: when you have friends that actually think about who you 356 00:15:27,640 --> 00:15:29,480 Speaker 1: are as a person who they have that might be 357 00:15:29,520 --> 00:15:32,600 Speaker 1: a fit. But I don't know. You know, it's funny 358 00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:34,560 Speaker 1: because I love that your sister set you and your 359 00:15:34,560 --> 00:15:37,000 Speaker 1: wife up. My brother did kind of set me up 360 00:15:37,000 --> 00:15:38,560 Speaker 1: with somebody and we went on a few dates and 361 00:15:38,640 --> 00:15:41,480 Speaker 1: it was great while it was, and we're still fine, 362 00:15:41,600 --> 00:15:44,440 Speaker 1: but it was Had it worked out, I would have 363 00:15:44,480 --> 00:15:46,840 Speaker 1: loved that story that someone that's so close to me 364 00:15:47,200 --> 00:15:50,800 Speaker 1: set me up with his essentially his best friend's brother 365 00:15:50,880 --> 00:15:52,600 Speaker 1: in law. You know, it was that kind of thing. 366 00:15:52,920 --> 00:15:54,760 Speaker 1: He knew where I was from, we knew the same people. 367 00:15:55,240 --> 00:15:57,640 Speaker 1: So when people like that are really close to you 368 00:15:57,720 --> 00:16:00,560 Speaker 1: and really get you, those I think those are the 369 00:16:00,600 --> 00:16:02,320 Speaker 1: best type of people to set you up. But like 370 00:16:02,480 --> 00:16:04,880 Speaker 1: Raina said, I mean there's also people that have no 371 00:16:04,960 --> 00:16:07,560 Speaker 1: idea that you're looking or you'd be into it. So 372 00:16:08,040 --> 00:16:12,360 Speaker 1: I don't think there's anything wrong with telling everybody you 373 00:16:12,400 --> 00:16:15,920 Speaker 1: know that I'm wanting to be set up. If you 374 00:16:15,960 --> 00:16:19,080 Speaker 1: know anybody, why not make you know? Shoot your shot? 375 00:16:19,160 --> 00:16:21,040 Speaker 1: Should we throw it out right now on the show? Yeah, 376 00:16:21,360 --> 00:16:23,440 Speaker 1: anyone's watching, what should tell them? I'm trying to date 377 00:16:23,760 --> 00:16:26,960 Speaker 1: Dave Bautista. Okay, Okay, Dave, if you listen to the show. 378 00:16:28,160 --> 00:16:30,160 Speaker 1: If I don't know, he might who knows? If anyone 379 00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:34,200 Speaker 1: knows Dave? Okay, can I go, Yeah, what do you want? 380 00:16:34,200 --> 00:16:35,320 Speaker 1: So this is one want you to do? What do 381 00:16:35,360 --> 00:16:37,640 Speaker 1: you want? He's who is it? What do you want? 382 00:16:37,640 --> 00:16:39,000 Speaker 1: What are you looking for? And then what are you 383 00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:41,320 Speaker 1: bringing to the game? And I'm gonna manifest Dave Bautista, 384 00:16:41,640 --> 00:16:43,720 Speaker 1: I like a big guy that's bald with a bear 385 00:16:46,040 --> 00:16:48,880 Speaker 1: of the origin story basically, Raina started hooking up with 386 00:16:48,920 --> 00:16:50,920 Speaker 1: the security cards at our shows and that became her 387 00:16:51,000 --> 00:16:53,520 Speaker 1: tight Why don't you hear any card? Okay, he's really 388 00:16:53,560 --> 00:16:55,800 Speaker 1: bad your own shows. Yeah, I mean if they can 389 00:16:55,880 --> 00:16:58,080 Speaker 1: protect the stage, you know, I'm going to pay them back. 390 00:16:58,240 --> 00:17:02,720 Speaker 1: And so I like guys tattoo sleeves. Um, somebody can 391 00:17:02,760 --> 00:17:05,119 Speaker 1: make me laugh. We always talk about like ranking what 392 00:17:05,160 --> 00:17:07,000 Speaker 1: you want in a person. Um looks or right? Never 393 00:17:07,080 --> 00:17:09,800 Speaker 1: want No, I'm just kidding somebody I was nodding along 394 00:17:11,320 --> 00:17:14,040 Speaker 1: ye bald okay, Um, I think my number one is 395 00:17:14,080 --> 00:17:15,960 Speaker 1: somebody that I'm just inspired by the way you live 396 00:17:15,960 --> 00:17:18,520 Speaker 1: your life. So whatever that is, I want to be 397 00:17:18,800 --> 00:17:20,679 Speaker 1: excited to hear about your day. I want to be like, 398 00:17:20,720 --> 00:17:23,160 Speaker 1: that is dope what you have going on? So whatever 399 00:17:23,320 --> 00:17:26,600 Speaker 1: that is, Um, that's my number one thing I think, 400 00:17:26,680 --> 00:17:28,320 Speaker 1: And I want to like laugh, I want to be. 401 00:17:28,400 --> 00:17:29,959 Speaker 1: I want to be inspired by the people you surround 402 00:17:30,000 --> 00:17:31,959 Speaker 1: yourself with what you do all day long. So that 403 00:17:32,000 --> 00:17:34,359 Speaker 1: but if you're bald with the beard and tattoo sleeves 404 00:17:34,400 --> 00:17:39,720 Speaker 1: also yeah yeah, um that's what Miles teller. If you're listening. Okay, okay, 405 00:17:40,000 --> 00:17:42,320 Speaker 1: We've got a few fans in the office. I'm a 406 00:17:42,359 --> 00:17:47,639 Speaker 1: Philly guy. Um yeah, go birds. I mean I want 407 00:17:47,720 --> 00:17:50,040 Speaker 1: somebody that the same things I always say. I want 408 00:17:50,040 --> 00:17:52,199 Speaker 1: to look up to someone in some way. Again, like 409 00:17:52,240 --> 00:17:53,960 Speaker 1: I don't need to be inspired every day, but I 410 00:17:54,000 --> 00:17:55,840 Speaker 1: want to be able to learn something from you and 411 00:17:55,880 --> 00:17:58,520 Speaker 1: be challenged and entertained because I really have such a 412 00:17:58,520 --> 00:18:00,960 Speaker 1: full life, So I need someone doing hands of life 413 00:18:00,960 --> 00:18:04,520 Speaker 1: that's already very fulfilling and someone that lets me be me. 414 00:18:05,119 --> 00:18:09,000 Speaker 1: You know, we do this. I do stand up comedy. 415 00:18:09,119 --> 00:18:12,880 Speaker 1: We're really successful. It can be intimidating, I guess, but 416 00:18:13,280 --> 00:18:14,840 Speaker 1: I just don't ever want to feel like I need 417 00:18:14,880 --> 00:18:17,720 Speaker 1: to minimize myself or be a less aversion of myself 418 00:18:17,840 --> 00:18:20,760 Speaker 1: or toned down my personality or not share my successes 419 00:18:20,760 --> 00:18:23,760 Speaker 1: with somebody. So that's kind of what I'm looking for. Yeah, 420 00:18:23,840 --> 00:18:28,000 Speaker 1: Myles is like like we're a top gun or whatever. 421 00:18:28,080 --> 00:18:31,679 Speaker 1: I don't know you're trying to date Tom. I actually 422 00:18:31,680 --> 00:18:33,639 Speaker 1: said this thing really early on in the podcast. I 423 00:18:33,640 --> 00:18:35,960 Speaker 1: think you said it, I didn't say it that you know, 424 00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:37,960 Speaker 1: you want to find somebody that feels like home, and 425 00:18:38,080 --> 00:18:40,359 Speaker 1: that's like, really what I want is somebody that's just like, 426 00:18:40,720 --> 00:18:43,840 Speaker 1: I'm so comfortable with you, you just being with you. 427 00:18:43,920 --> 00:18:46,040 Speaker 1: I can just exactly be myself and like you said, 428 00:18:46,080 --> 00:18:48,760 Speaker 1: I don't have to like shrink myself make myself smaller. 429 00:18:48,800 --> 00:18:50,720 Speaker 1: I'm humble, but I want to be able to hype 430 00:18:50,880 --> 00:18:54,120 Speaker 1: myself and how hard I work. I don't come from anything. 431 00:18:54,160 --> 00:18:57,000 Speaker 1: I don't come from money, so everything that actually and 432 00:18:57,000 --> 00:18:58,520 Speaker 1: I have we've built ourselves. So I want to be 433 00:18:58,560 --> 00:19:00,399 Speaker 1: able to hype myself. And I want to come home 434 00:19:00,440 --> 00:19:02,520 Speaker 1: and feel like comfort that you're there. I want you 435 00:19:02,560 --> 00:19:03,879 Speaker 1: to be my first call. I wonder that can like 436 00:19:03,920 --> 00:19:05,399 Speaker 1: lean on you. I have a large list, but you 437 00:19:05,400 --> 00:19:07,760 Speaker 1: know what I think, I don't should I get my 438 00:19:07,760 --> 00:19:09,280 Speaker 1: list down. I have it on my phone. Also, like 439 00:19:09,320 --> 00:19:11,400 Speaker 1: a want of a motorcycle, tattoos, all the things. Those 440 00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:14,040 Speaker 1: are surface levels. Yeah, but I also expect that I 441 00:19:14,040 --> 00:19:15,560 Speaker 1: will bring a lot to the table. I think that 442 00:19:15,640 --> 00:19:17,480 Speaker 1: you know, sometimes you hear people being like I want 443 00:19:17,520 --> 00:19:19,280 Speaker 1: this and this and this, and it's like, okay, but 444 00:19:19,359 --> 00:19:21,000 Speaker 1: do you bring a lot to the table? Also, that's 445 00:19:21,000 --> 00:19:23,480 Speaker 1: what I was a question. Yeah, um, and so I 446 00:19:23,520 --> 00:19:26,040 Speaker 1: think I think I do, and I think that I'm 447 00:19:26,040 --> 00:19:28,520 Speaker 1: like a really caring, loving person. I'm fun. Actually I 448 00:19:28,560 --> 00:19:30,240 Speaker 1: have so many friends, like, oh my god, use so 449 00:19:30,240 --> 00:19:33,320 Speaker 1: many friends, and uh yeah, I think your life would 450 00:19:33,280 --> 00:19:35,280 Speaker 1: become do you bring to the table. I don't want 451 00:19:35,280 --> 00:19:37,040 Speaker 1: to bring to the table, but hoviously no, I mean 452 00:19:37,200 --> 00:19:40,760 Speaker 1: I think, you know, I want somebody. I don't want children, 453 00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:44,080 Speaker 1: and I marriage. I could take it or leave it, 454 00:19:44,359 --> 00:19:46,600 Speaker 1: especially because I don't want children. I think that's is 455 00:19:46,760 --> 00:19:49,200 Speaker 1: a big you know, not everybody's reason, but a reason 456 00:19:49,240 --> 00:19:52,959 Speaker 1: why I think people should get married if they want to, 457 00:19:53,080 --> 00:19:56,600 Speaker 1: you know. So I want someone that just wants to 458 00:19:56,640 --> 00:19:59,600 Speaker 1: live a fun life that's not too dependent on me. 459 00:19:59,720 --> 00:20:03,080 Speaker 1: We can and support each other. There's no like codependency 460 00:20:03,400 --> 00:20:06,239 Speaker 1: or fix or upper type of situation. Like. I want 461 00:20:06,280 --> 00:20:09,280 Speaker 1: someone that's kind of already fully formed, that's living their 462 00:20:09,320 --> 00:20:11,520 Speaker 1: own independent life that we can come together and live 463 00:20:11,520 --> 00:20:14,600 Speaker 1: that life together. So I have an awesome life. I 464 00:20:14,640 --> 00:20:18,159 Speaker 1: think that it's really fun to talk to us to 465 00:20:18,240 --> 00:20:20,760 Speaker 1: be around us, to come see us perform, if you 466 00:20:20,800 --> 00:20:23,040 Speaker 1: want to to travel the world to do all these things. 467 00:20:23,240 --> 00:20:29,120 Speaker 1: I am also a carrying, nurturing person. You know, I'm 468 00:20:29,119 --> 00:20:30,679 Speaker 1: a good listener. I can make you laugh. I have 469 00:20:30,680 --> 00:20:32,760 Speaker 1: a great family. People really just want to be around 470 00:20:32,800 --> 00:20:35,639 Speaker 1: me for my family, quite honestly, that's at Yeah, it's 471 00:20:35,640 --> 00:20:37,520 Speaker 1: a huge, huge selling point. I have a new nephew 472 00:20:37,560 --> 00:20:41,159 Speaker 1: named Jay, so that's my favorite name, just so you know. 473 00:20:41,720 --> 00:20:45,359 Speaker 1: But yeah, I think I bring a lot to the table. 474 00:20:45,359 --> 00:20:46,760 Speaker 1: I think I would be a really great partner. And 475 00:20:46,840 --> 00:20:49,040 Speaker 1: I think that I have gotten to a point where 476 00:20:49,040 --> 00:20:51,879 Speaker 1: I I'm a much better partner than I would have 477 00:20:51,920 --> 00:20:54,920 Speaker 1: been five years ago even I mean ten years ago, 478 00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:56,879 Speaker 1: of course, but just even what we've been able to 479 00:20:56,960 --> 00:20:59,800 Speaker 1: learn in the podcast and about ourselves and how to 480 00:20:59,840 --> 00:21:02,360 Speaker 1: be a good partner, and the things that you look 481 00:21:02,400 --> 00:21:05,400 Speaker 1: back on again five ten years ago, three years ago, 482 00:21:05,520 --> 00:21:08,440 Speaker 1: last year and you were like, that's not the sign 483 00:21:08,480 --> 00:21:10,240 Speaker 1: of a healthy relationship, or that's not how to be 484 00:21:10,240 --> 00:21:14,560 Speaker 1: a supportive partner. This is when you're feeling competitive with 485 00:21:14,560 --> 00:21:17,240 Speaker 1: your partner. You're not the same team. There's contempt, there's jealousy, 486 00:21:17,240 --> 00:21:20,240 Speaker 1: all these different things, and so I feel as though 487 00:21:20,440 --> 00:21:23,160 Speaker 1: I'm in such a great place to be a much 488 00:21:23,200 --> 00:21:25,399 Speaker 1: better partner than I have been in the past, and 489 00:21:26,000 --> 00:21:28,680 Speaker 1: that is something that I want this year. And we 490 00:21:28,800 --> 00:21:30,560 Speaker 1: talked about it on our episode, the first episode of 491 00:21:30,560 --> 00:21:33,000 Speaker 1: the year, and what our goals are, and that's really 492 00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:35,199 Speaker 1: what I'm manifesting. And I haven't really said that before. 493 00:21:35,400 --> 00:21:38,240 Speaker 1: It's been very like last year, it was like, I 494 00:21:38,359 --> 00:21:41,080 Speaker 1: want to have more sex, actually, and then I actually did. 495 00:21:41,200 --> 00:21:43,240 Speaker 1: Like before that, it was like, I just don't feel 496 00:21:43,240 --> 00:21:45,280 Speaker 1: like I have room right now in my life for somebody. 497 00:21:45,320 --> 00:21:49,159 Speaker 1: Everything feels pretty full. It's like at capacity, and I 498 00:21:49,200 --> 00:21:51,560 Speaker 1: don't really want to be bothered. And so I do 499 00:21:51,600 --> 00:21:53,080 Speaker 1: feel like I'm at a place that even though we 500 00:21:53,080 --> 00:21:56,200 Speaker 1: are super busy and I do feel quote unquote full, 501 00:21:56,240 --> 00:21:59,640 Speaker 1: I could make the space for somebody. I love that love, 502 00:21:59,720 --> 00:22:02,400 Speaker 1: that help, where those answers are, and it's it's beautiful 503 00:22:02,440 --> 00:22:04,160 Speaker 1: to have that, right. I think so often we ask 504 00:22:04,520 --> 00:22:06,439 Speaker 1: someone in our lives like, oh, well, what are you 505 00:22:06,440 --> 00:22:08,679 Speaker 1: bringing to the table, and and it's kind of a 506 00:22:08,680 --> 00:22:10,520 Speaker 1: hard question to answer for a lot of people that 507 00:22:10,600 --> 00:22:13,119 Speaker 1: people struggle with that because it's not what we've been 508 00:22:13,160 --> 00:22:14,960 Speaker 1: trained to believe, like we've been trained to believe you 509 00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:17,119 Speaker 1: should know what you want in someone, but not what 510 00:22:17,240 --> 00:22:19,119 Speaker 1: you bring. And so I love hearing both your answers, 511 00:22:19,119 --> 00:22:21,160 Speaker 1: and I hope that we've just manifested where you both 512 00:22:21,200 --> 00:22:24,119 Speaker 1: want here on this show right now. So if Miles 513 00:22:24,160 --> 00:22:35,800 Speaker 1: or Dave ever calls really hot, really hot, but she's married, Oh, 514 00:22:37,600 --> 00:22:39,639 Speaker 1: here's a question, because I think today we're living at 515 00:22:39,640 --> 00:22:45,000 Speaker 1: a time where everyone's having varying degrees of success in 516 00:22:45,040 --> 00:22:47,159 Speaker 1: their own way. You're seeing more people experience fame, You're 517 00:22:47,160 --> 00:22:49,800 Speaker 1: seeing more people experience success, You're seeing more people experience 518 00:22:50,160 --> 00:22:53,200 Speaker 1: financial stability. You just have a lot more people having 519 00:22:53,240 --> 00:22:56,040 Speaker 1: a lot more variety of experiences in this way. Have 520 00:22:56,160 --> 00:22:58,760 Speaker 1: you found it harder to date as you become more successful? 521 00:22:59,320 --> 00:23:02,280 Speaker 1: And and and yeah, exactly, And so I want to 522 00:23:02,320 --> 00:23:04,960 Speaker 1: know what are the kind of troubles you've been having 523 00:23:05,040 --> 00:23:07,080 Speaker 1: this time around? And is there a part of you 524 00:23:07,119 --> 00:23:09,760 Speaker 1: that's like, let one go away earlier? And I shouldn't 525 00:23:09,800 --> 00:23:12,560 Speaker 1: have I mean, I feel like a lot of people 526 00:23:12,560 --> 00:23:14,680 Speaker 1: say to us, our men intimidate, but I my success 527 00:23:14,720 --> 00:23:16,640 Speaker 1: by the money I make. And to those people, I say, 528 00:23:16,680 --> 00:23:18,720 Speaker 1: what's the alternative? You know what, you're going to be 529 00:23:18,760 --> 00:23:21,240 Speaker 1: less successful? Because maybe you'll get a partner. You're gonna 530 00:23:21,280 --> 00:23:24,040 Speaker 1: make less money because perhaps somebody will end up with you. 531 00:23:24,160 --> 00:23:26,800 Speaker 1: That's not the answer to this, yes, of course, as 532 00:23:26,800 --> 00:23:29,680 Speaker 1: a woman, it's the inverse. Like men make more money, 533 00:23:29,720 --> 00:23:33,639 Speaker 1: they become work successful, everybody wants you. Women you're dating, 534 00:23:33,640 --> 00:23:36,840 Speaker 1: opportunities do not grow in tandem the way a man's 535 00:23:36,920 --> 00:23:38,679 Speaker 1: probably will, right, So it's more that way. It's more 536 00:23:38,720 --> 00:23:40,960 Speaker 1: of the fact that it's intimidating as opposed to people 537 00:23:41,000 --> 00:23:43,400 Speaker 1: wanting to take advantage. You'll use your network and connect. 538 00:23:43,600 --> 00:23:45,800 Speaker 1: I think that you're dating pool just shrinks, you know, 539 00:23:45,920 --> 00:23:48,000 Speaker 1: and you don't want to put yourself in situations where 540 00:23:48,000 --> 00:23:51,200 Speaker 1: you're competitive with your partner in a negative way, where 541 00:23:51,720 --> 00:23:55,199 Speaker 1: your success emasculates somebody. You're constantly thinking, is my success 542 00:23:55,200 --> 00:23:58,840 Speaker 1: emasculating this person? But I just I think your pool 543 00:23:58,880 --> 00:24:01,320 Speaker 1: gets smaller for sure. But that doesn't mean I would 544 00:24:01,359 --> 00:24:04,400 Speaker 1: ever stop what I'm doing. You know, What's what's the alternative? 545 00:24:04,760 --> 00:24:07,560 Speaker 1: Um And I have to be conscious about how I 546 00:24:07,600 --> 00:24:10,240 Speaker 1: speak about my life, how I speak about money we make. 547 00:24:10,280 --> 00:24:12,240 Speaker 1: Success we have, but I'm not going to pretend it 548 00:24:12,280 --> 00:24:14,879 Speaker 1: doesn't exist either. I just have to be mindful to 549 00:24:14,920 --> 00:24:16,919 Speaker 1: be humble and have you seen people be turned off 550 00:24:16,920 --> 00:24:18,160 Speaker 1: if they don't know who you are and then you're 551 00:24:18,160 --> 00:24:19,600 Speaker 1: on a date and then they figure it out. Well, 552 00:24:19,840 --> 00:24:21,320 Speaker 1: not turned off. Somebody has this the other day. If 553 00:24:21,440 --> 00:24:22,920 Speaker 1: like we would talk about what we do on a 554 00:24:23,000 --> 00:24:25,000 Speaker 1: first date and I would say the name of the podcast, 555 00:24:25,000 --> 00:24:26,760 Speaker 1: I wouldn't be like, it's one of the number one 556 00:24:26,840 --> 00:24:28,840 Speaker 1: dating and relationship pis in the United States. I wouldn't 557 00:24:29,000 --> 00:24:31,880 Speaker 1: lead with that. But not turned off people, or maybe 558 00:24:31,920 --> 00:24:34,200 Speaker 1: they're turned off and that's why it doesn't work out. 559 00:24:34,280 --> 00:24:36,480 Speaker 1: They just don't say it's your face. Maybe I mean, 560 00:24:37,000 --> 00:24:38,840 Speaker 1: I mean some one person one time said to me 561 00:24:38,840 --> 00:24:40,959 Speaker 1: your two public for me, I would never date anybody 562 00:24:41,040 --> 00:24:43,399 Speaker 1: like you, And it really hurt. I remember leaving the 563 00:24:43,480 --> 00:24:45,120 Speaker 1: date and like crying on the street, like really hurt 564 00:24:45,119 --> 00:24:49,440 Speaker 1: my feelings. But that's okay, that's not my person and 565 00:24:49,480 --> 00:24:51,359 Speaker 1: that's fine. And you know, listen, we all bring baggage 566 00:24:51,359 --> 00:24:54,960 Speaker 1: into a relationship. That's my baggage. I think that you know. 567 00:24:55,040 --> 00:24:57,200 Speaker 1: We love this special from Ali Wong where she talks 568 00:24:57,200 --> 00:25:00,119 Speaker 1: about specifically women in comedy, like the way you're a 569 00:25:00,160 --> 00:25:02,720 Speaker 1: woman on stage, you're talking about sex, like your dating 570 00:25:02,720 --> 00:25:05,240 Speaker 1: pool is shrinking. A man and on stage with a microphone, 571 00:25:05,440 --> 00:25:08,479 Speaker 1: his dating pool is growing as he speaks, you know. 572 00:25:08,600 --> 00:25:12,439 Speaker 1: So it's really the inverse and that special spoke to 573 00:25:12,480 --> 00:25:14,960 Speaker 1: me like nothing else in my life, and as a 574 00:25:15,000 --> 00:25:17,480 Speaker 1: female comedian. But I also just think part of it's 575 00:25:17,480 --> 00:25:19,840 Speaker 1: the bar gets higher when your life gets more dope, 576 00:25:19,920 --> 00:25:22,720 Speaker 1: you know, it's like you got to bring more, you know. 577 00:25:23,080 --> 00:25:25,080 Speaker 1: We have this friend of her, this friend of ours, 578 00:25:25,119 --> 00:25:27,560 Speaker 1: she's so funny, Murray Fouston. She's a comedian and she 579 00:25:27,600 --> 00:25:29,879 Speaker 1: did this just random reel or TikTok. One time. She 580 00:25:29,960 --> 00:25:32,919 Speaker 1: was like, if I'm single at forty, the bar is 581 00:25:32,960 --> 00:25:35,280 Speaker 1: so much higher because at this point I've been with 582 00:25:35,320 --> 00:25:38,720 Speaker 1: myself and so I'm happy in my life where it 583 00:25:38,840 --> 00:25:41,160 Speaker 1: is now. And that may not speak to everybody, but 584 00:25:41,480 --> 00:25:44,680 Speaker 1: it does feel like Rain and I have achieved our 585 00:25:44,800 --> 00:25:47,560 Speaker 1: true dream life. We feel as though we have such 586 00:25:47,560 --> 00:25:50,920 Speaker 1: a purpose and we're able to help people every day, 587 00:25:50,920 --> 00:25:52,960 Speaker 1: and the emails we get are such an honor and 588 00:25:53,000 --> 00:25:54,640 Speaker 1: we get to toward the world and make people laugh, 589 00:25:54,720 --> 00:25:58,760 Speaker 1: and it's so good as it is. So it would 590 00:25:58,840 --> 00:26:01,200 Speaker 1: really be someone that is going to enhance any of 591 00:26:01,280 --> 00:26:02,640 Speaker 1: that to fit in our life. And I don't say 592 00:26:02,680 --> 00:26:05,560 Speaker 1: that in like we're so picky, the bar so high, 593 00:26:05,560 --> 00:26:09,320 Speaker 1: but it just is I get it more. Yeah, I do, 594 00:26:09,320 --> 00:26:13,320 Speaker 1: so those two things together and yeah, I mean and 595 00:26:13,359 --> 00:26:14,919 Speaker 1: it's just you know, the way the world, it's just 596 00:26:15,000 --> 00:26:17,840 Speaker 1: you're a woman, You're like you're you get older and 597 00:26:18,160 --> 00:26:20,520 Speaker 1: just as sad as it is, you're dating pull shrinks 598 00:26:20,560 --> 00:26:23,320 Speaker 1: in that way too, you know. Yeah. Um, I think 599 00:26:23,320 --> 00:26:24,920 Speaker 1: that being in love is the best feeling in the world, 600 00:26:24,920 --> 00:26:27,560 Speaker 1: and I miss it and I love being in love, 601 00:26:27,600 --> 00:26:29,600 Speaker 1: but also one of the best feelings in the world. 602 00:26:29,680 --> 00:26:31,920 Speaker 1: Is like any email that somebody sends to us that says, 603 00:26:31,960 --> 00:26:33,600 Speaker 1: like you help me to make my life better. You 604 00:26:33,680 --> 00:26:36,040 Speaker 1: help me to do ending, ask or raise, leave an 605 00:26:36,040 --> 00:26:39,400 Speaker 1: abusive relationship, strength in a relationship I didn't want to lose. 606 00:26:39,800 --> 00:26:41,600 Speaker 1: Talk to my mother in a better like. I get 607 00:26:41,640 --> 00:26:43,159 Speaker 1: choked up when I think about the things people have 608 00:26:43,160 --> 00:26:45,440 Speaker 1: said to us, like your voices have filled my homes 609 00:26:45,440 --> 00:26:49,159 Speaker 1: with sound. Um when like my pet tie, I get like, like, 610 00:26:49,480 --> 00:26:51,720 Speaker 1: I know that we have changed people's lives. You've touched 611 00:26:51,720 --> 00:26:53,880 Speaker 1: people in such a deep way, and I can't imagine 612 00:26:53,880 --> 00:26:56,640 Speaker 1: anything feeling better than that. So in the interim, while 613 00:26:56,640 --> 00:26:58,879 Speaker 1: I'm single, why I don't have anybody. You just have 614 00:26:58,920 --> 00:27:01,040 Speaker 1: to make your life good. So maybe you don't have 615 00:27:01,080 --> 00:27:02,879 Speaker 1: a giant podcast you can reach all these people, but 616 00:27:02,960 --> 00:27:05,240 Speaker 1: like you can go make friends, go find horby. You 617 00:27:05,320 --> 00:27:07,080 Speaker 1: just go find other ways to give your life meaning 618 00:27:07,080 --> 00:27:09,280 Speaker 1: and joy. And that's what you do when you're single, 619 00:27:09,359 --> 00:27:11,359 Speaker 1: and then when you find somebody, like, how dope is 620 00:27:11,359 --> 00:27:13,919 Speaker 1: it that you're like a great person? Now? Yeah you know? Now, 621 00:27:14,000 --> 00:27:15,800 Speaker 1: I love that it's coming across very strong. I don't 622 00:27:15,800 --> 00:27:18,400 Speaker 1: think listening to both of you, I just the reason 623 00:27:18,440 --> 00:27:20,720 Speaker 1: why I've been going down this question trail is because 624 00:27:21,200 --> 00:27:23,560 Speaker 1: I'm hoping that everyone who's listening and watching is going, oh, yeah, 625 00:27:23,560 --> 00:27:25,520 Speaker 1: that's I can aspire for that, right, Like, that's the 626 00:27:25,520 --> 00:27:28,120 Speaker 1: point that everyone can aspire for that to feel whole, 627 00:27:28,200 --> 00:27:30,800 Speaker 1: to feel complete, to feel like their life so awesome 628 00:27:30,840 --> 00:27:32,680 Speaker 1: that someone's going to bring some value to really get 629 00:27:32,720 --> 00:27:35,040 Speaker 1: in on it. Like what a great place to be, Like, 630 00:27:35,119 --> 00:27:38,560 Speaker 1: that's that's the biggest achievement of all, right, Like, regardless 631 00:27:38,560 --> 00:27:40,960 Speaker 1: of all the other success that you've had, which which 632 00:27:41,000 --> 00:27:43,960 Speaker 1: is phenomenal in and of itself, I think it's amazing 633 00:27:43,960 --> 00:27:47,960 Speaker 1: to think that you're sitting here expressing confidence at a 634 00:27:48,040 --> 00:27:50,879 Speaker 1: level that you don't always experience, even from people who've 635 00:27:50,880 --> 00:27:54,520 Speaker 1: made it right. So that's it's amazing, Honestly, I'm telling 636 00:27:54,520 --> 00:27:56,879 Speaker 1: you that. Like sitting opposite you right now, I'm like, Wow, 637 00:27:56,920 --> 00:27:59,479 Speaker 1: it's it's incredible to feel, Yeah, my life's dope, my 638 00:27:59,520 --> 00:28:02,359 Speaker 1: life's amazing, and someone's going to add value to it. 639 00:28:02,680 --> 00:28:05,119 Speaker 1: What are some of the mistakes that you think people 640 00:28:05,200 --> 00:28:09,000 Speaker 1: make early on while they're dating someone, especially when it 641 00:28:09,000 --> 00:28:11,840 Speaker 1: comes to that self worth self esteem piece, because I 642 00:28:11,880 --> 00:28:13,919 Speaker 1: think you're coming at it from this we've been working 643 00:28:13,920 --> 00:28:16,920 Speaker 1: on ourselves, but often we find it's the opposite where 644 00:28:16,920 --> 00:28:20,200 Speaker 1: people dive into relationships when they're lonely, when they want 645 00:28:20,200 --> 00:28:23,840 Speaker 1: to be dependent on someone, when they feel that they're inadequate, 646 00:28:24,040 --> 00:28:25,920 Speaker 1: that's why they're alone. So what are some of the 647 00:28:25,960 --> 00:28:29,360 Speaker 1: mistakes you've seen people make early on? Just not working 648 00:28:29,440 --> 00:28:33,120 Speaker 1: on the fear of being alone and loneliness. I guess 649 00:28:33,119 --> 00:28:36,360 Speaker 1: those can be two different things. So you enter into 650 00:28:36,440 --> 00:28:39,480 Speaker 1: relationship with such a desperate need to have someone fill 651 00:28:39,640 --> 00:28:42,360 Speaker 1: a gap or make you feel worthy or make you 652 00:28:42,400 --> 00:28:47,000 Speaker 1: feel value, and so those are big things. You know, 653 00:28:47,040 --> 00:28:49,400 Speaker 1: those just require a lot of work, but they trickle 654 00:28:49,480 --> 00:28:51,240 Speaker 1: down and did the way that you act and the 655 00:28:51,280 --> 00:28:53,400 Speaker 1: way that you feel so desperate if you don't get 656 00:28:53,400 --> 00:28:56,440 Speaker 1: that text back or that someone doesn't like you. And 657 00:28:57,320 --> 00:28:59,320 Speaker 1: you know, one of the things that I can't stop 658 00:28:59,320 --> 00:29:02,320 Speaker 1: thinking about that I listening to you with a recent 659 00:29:02,360 --> 00:29:04,000 Speaker 1: guest that you had on Humble the Poet, and I'm 660 00:29:04,040 --> 00:29:06,720 Speaker 1: sure you've talked about us before, is going into situations. 661 00:29:06,760 --> 00:29:08,160 Speaker 1: I think them do this a little bit more than women, 662 00:29:08,160 --> 00:29:11,280 Speaker 1: but I think women do it too, just wanting them 663 00:29:11,360 --> 00:29:13,480 Speaker 1: to like you and not even thinking about if you 664 00:29:13,640 --> 00:29:16,040 Speaker 1: like them or if they would be a good match 665 00:29:16,120 --> 00:29:18,480 Speaker 1: for you. So you've got come down this road of 666 00:29:18,520 --> 00:29:21,720 Speaker 1: like you've tried so hard to feel wanted, to feel 667 00:29:21,760 --> 00:29:25,400 Speaker 1: desired and not rejected that you haven't even stopped to 668 00:29:25,400 --> 00:29:28,240 Speaker 1: think if the person would be a good partner or 669 00:29:28,280 --> 00:29:31,160 Speaker 1: if you even like them. Yeah, you know, So how 670 00:29:31,200 --> 00:29:33,160 Speaker 1: do you avoid that when someone's telling you stuff like 671 00:29:33,280 --> 00:29:35,640 Speaker 1: oh my god, you're beautiful, like you're so smart, you're 672 00:29:35,640 --> 00:29:39,080 Speaker 1: so intelligent, Like, how do you avoid kind of enjoying that? 673 00:29:39,160 --> 00:29:41,479 Speaker 1: Even what we're talking about earlier, like when you were 674 00:29:41,480 --> 00:29:42,600 Speaker 1: saying that you want to be in a place where 675 00:29:42,640 --> 00:29:44,800 Speaker 1: you feel like home, and I love that definition of 676 00:29:45,080 --> 00:29:48,600 Speaker 1: like a home love or you know, it's I think 677 00:29:48,640 --> 00:29:51,200 Speaker 1: that's a feeling everyone once. But it's hard because when 678 00:29:51,240 --> 00:29:53,000 Speaker 1: we walk into a dating scenario, most of the time 679 00:29:53,040 --> 00:29:55,280 Speaker 1: we're trying to impress each other. We dress our best, 680 00:29:55,360 --> 00:29:58,520 Speaker 1: we look our best. Like that's not really comfortable because 681 00:29:59,040 --> 00:30:00,800 Speaker 1: you know that in this So if you don't look 682 00:30:00,800 --> 00:30:02,320 Speaker 1: like that all the time, or you and set yourself 683 00:30:02,400 --> 00:30:03,920 Speaker 1: up like that all the time, So how do you 684 00:30:03,920 --> 00:30:06,640 Speaker 1: even Hey, how do you deal with someone who is 685 00:30:06,640 --> 00:30:10,680 Speaker 1: actually validating you and it feels good? And inversely the 686 00:30:10,680 --> 00:30:12,560 Speaker 1: other side, like, how do you make sure that you 687 00:30:12,600 --> 00:30:14,800 Speaker 1: are actually finding out whether you're comfortable with someone at 688 00:30:14,840 --> 00:30:18,520 Speaker 1: what stage? So I think that we should be allowed 689 00:30:18,520 --> 00:30:20,720 Speaker 1: to enjoy things right, Like you don't have to go 690 00:30:20,760 --> 00:30:22,800 Speaker 1: into every day being like are they love bombing me? 691 00:30:22,920 --> 00:30:24,440 Speaker 1: Is this too much? Is this is not enough? What 692 00:30:24,480 --> 00:30:26,400 Speaker 1: was the exact amount of time they spent before they 693 00:30:26,440 --> 00:30:28,200 Speaker 1: texted me? And what? You know? I think we are 694 00:30:28,200 --> 00:30:31,160 Speaker 1: allowed to just enjoy things sometimes and to get one 695 00:30:31,240 --> 00:30:34,440 Speaker 1: dat as a time, one moment at a time. I 696 00:30:34,520 --> 00:30:37,719 Speaker 1: think that in order to sidestep putting so many eggs 697 00:30:37,720 --> 00:30:41,600 Speaker 1: in this basket essentially and making this so important we 698 00:30:41,760 --> 00:30:43,440 Speaker 1: do we should do what I was saying before, which 699 00:30:43,480 --> 00:30:45,800 Speaker 1: is build out a life around yourself, so you have friends, 700 00:30:45,800 --> 00:30:47,360 Speaker 1: you have hobbies, you like what you do for work, 701 00:30:47,440 --> 00:30:51,200 Speaker 1: so that this one person isn't so you don't depend 702 00:30:51,240 --> 00:30:53,520 Speaker 1: on them so much to be your whole world. It's 703 00:30:53,560 --> 00:30:56,000 Speaker 1: not so this date's not so important. You know. Every 704 00:30:56,080 --> 00:30:58,360 Speaker 1: day should just be fun and you should enjoy yourself 705 00:30:58,480 --> 00:31:00,480 Speaker 1: and hopefully you other stuff to fall back on you, 706 00:31:00,520 --> 00:31:02,480 Speaker 1: other plants, this weekend, the other things you can sink 707 00:31:02,480 --> 00:31:05,200 Speaker 1: your teeth into, and it just doesn't mean so much, 708 00:31:05,240 --> 00:31:07,360 Speaker 1: you know, like every single thing is not riding on 709 00:31:07,400 --> 00:31:09,800 Speaker 1: this date. And I think that we should be cautiously 710 00:31:09,800 --> 00:31:13,479 Speaker 1: optimistic but also not so hard on ourselves when somebody 711 00:31:13,520 --> 00:31:16,800 Speaker 1: lies to us or manipulates us, because you shouldn't spend 712 00:31:16,840 --> 00:31:20,040 Speaker 1: every interaction going where's all the holes in this? You know, 713 00:31:20,160 --> 00:31:22,800 Speaker 1: we should just be able to be calm and enjoy it. 714 00:31:22,880 --> 00:31:25,160 Speaker 1: And we shouldn't assume every person is going to lie 715 00:31:25,160 --> 00:31:27,880 Speaker 1: to us, manipulate us, ghost us, cheat on us all 716 00:31:27,920 --> 00:31:30,520 Speaker 1: these things. And if they do, that's just the kind 717 00:31:30,560 --> 00:31:32,520 Speaker 1: of person they are, And isn't it isn't it nice 718 00:31:32,520 --> 00:31:34,680 Speaker 1: that they went away? And you know that now sooner, 719 00:31:35,000 --> 00:31:37,160 Speaker 1: you know, so if someone's going to ghost too. Why 720 00:31:37,160 --> 00:31:38,840 Speaker 1: would you want someone like that in your life that 721 00:31:38,920 --> 00:31:40,800 Speaker 1: can do that to somebody. But I had a friend 722 00:31:40,800 --> 00:31:42,840 Speaker 1: that said to me once like, this may not look 723 00:31:42,840 --> 00:31:44,000 Speaker 1: like what you thought it was going to look like, 724 00:31:44,040 --> 00:31:46,920 Speaker 1: because we have these unrealistic views of dating and relationships 725 00:31:46,960 --> 00:31:50,200 Speaker 1: in the first place. And that feeling you've talked about, 726 00:31:50,200 --> 00:31:52,040 Speaker 1: the spark, we've talked about, the spark, we've had guests on. 727 00:31:52,080 --> 00:31:54,640 Speaker 1: But the spark, the butterflies, all that stuff is actually 728 00:31:54,680 --> 00:31:57,719 Speaker 1: just anxiety. And so I think that a healthy amount 729 00:31:57,720 --> 00:32:00,960 Speaker 1: of nerves, of course, I mean I am like that. 730 00:32:01,280 --> 00:32:04,800 Speaker 1: I rarely ever get nervous about anything, and I'll be 731 00:32:04,880 --> 00:32:07,360 Speaker 1: nervous before a first date. So it's not that, But 732 00:32:07,400 --> 00:32:11,480 Speaker 1: it's that feeling that actually is just anxiety. When the 733 00:32:11,760 --> 00:32:14,880 Speaker 1: feeling of someone that is probably a good partner for you, 734 00:32:14,920 --> 00:32:17,880 Speaker 1: that's like a solid, secure person is really comfortable and 735 00:32:17,920 --> 00:32:20,840 Speaker 1: like kind of boring in your body. Like I just 736 00:32:20,920 --> 00:32:22,760 Speaker 1: always say, you just need to listen to your body. 737 00:32:22,760 --> 00:32:24,840 Speaker 1: I think we always know if we're willing to listen 738 00:32:24,880 --> 00:32:26,840 Speaker 1: of like the way someone makes you feel when you're 739 00:32:26,840 --> 00:32:28,760 Speaker 1: in their presence and then when you leave their presence, 740 00:32:28,800 --> 00:32:32,880 Speaker 1: Like I always tap, I always really want to hone 741 00:32:32,920 --> 00:32:35,160 Speaker 1: in on how I feel when I part ways with somebody. 742 00:32:35,560 --> 00:32:37,600 Speaker 1: Do I feel this like sense of anxiety, like what 743 00:32:37,720 --> 00:32:39,160 Speaker 1: am I gonna hear from the next or is this 744 00:32:39,240 --> 00:32:42,760 Speaker 1: like calm, like I'm sure, I absolutely will We're going 745 00:32:42,840 --> 00:32:45,920 Speaker 1: to go out again. And then I guess I love that. 746 00:32:46,000 --> 00:32:48,920 Speaker 1: It's like when you say goodbye, what is the immediate feeling? 747 00:32:49,120 --> 00:32:53,200 Speaker 1: Is it like anxiety or is it like chill? Yeah? 748 00:32:53,200 --> 00:32:56,480 Speaker 1: You know, yeah, Well, in your friends that are in happy, 749 00:32:56,560 --> 00:32:59,040 Speaker 1: healthy relationships around you, Like, what are some of the 750 00:32:59,080 --> 00:33:00,920 Speaker 1: things that you've seen in as that you're like, Oh, 751 00:33:00,960 --> 00:33:03,440 Speaker 1: that's that's really special, that's great, Like what are some 752 00:33:03,480 --> 00:33:05,680 Speaker 1: of the good signs? No, I just I mean I 753 00:33:05,840 --> 00:33:09,160 Speaker 1: when they have fun together, I really just we have 754 00:33:09,480 --> 00:33:11,640 Speaker 1: are I'm thinking of the couple that they're big fans 755 00:33:11,640 --> 00:33:16,480 Speaker 1: of yours also and Sean and Nanushka and just but yeah, 756 00:33:16,520 --> 00:33:20,840 Speaker 1: my other resources. They work really well together. They're a team, 757 00:33:20,920 --> 00:33:23,280 Speaker 1: they do all the things, they have great communication and yaudi, YadA, 758 00:33:23,280 --> 00:33:25,480 Speaker 1: But they just seem like buddies, like they just really 759 00:33:25,480 --> 00:33:28,960 Speaker 1: have fun together. And I think that's also the main 760 00:33:29,000 --> 00:33:33,280 Speaker 1: thing of randonized relationship. It's like you're and you're just 761 00:33:33,360 --> 00:33:35,320 Speaker 1: you're on the same team. Like we talked about this 762 00:33:35,360 --> 00:33:37,560 Speaker 1: on our upcoming episode, is that you don't feel like 763 00:33:38,040 --> 00:33:41,280 Speaker 1: I literally picture it like whatever sport you're into, where 764 00:33:41,320 --> 00:33:43,920 Speaker 1: are you playing against each other or you on the 765 00:33:43,960 --> 00:33:47,520 Speaker 1: same team with a common goal. Yeah. I rarely see 766 00:33:47,560 --> 00:33:50,480 Speaker 1: somebody break up that I'm like, what you know, Like 767 00:33:50,600 --> 00:33:52,480 Speaker 1: I think about my brother and his wife, and they've 768 00:33:52,480 --> 00:33:54,840 Speaker 1: been together for like twelve years. They're just they're friends. 769 00:33:54,960 --> 00:33:57,760 Speaker 1: They really enjoy each other. They are really fun to 770 00:33:57,760 --> 00:34:00,360 Speaker 1: be around. They're always joking around. They're really like loving 771 00:34:00,400 --> 00:34:03,000 Speaker 1: the same couple that you're talking about, same thing, um, 772 00:34:03,320 --> 00:34:06,320 Speaker 1: another one of UM, like Ashley's other best friend, UM 773 00:34:06,320 --> 00:34:08,279 Speaker 1: and her husband. They're just they're nice that you see 774 00:34:08,280 --> 00:34:10,680 Speaker 1: a friendship in a respect between them. My best friend 775 00:34:10,680 --> 00:34:13,840 Speaker 1: just got engaged and her fiance really has her on 776 00:34:13,920 --> 00:34:15,920 Speaker 1: this like great pedestal. He really looks up to her. 777 00:34:15,960 --> 00:34:17,759 Speaker 1: He thinks that she is just so wonderful, and she 778 00:34:17,800 --> 00:34:20,440 Speaker 1: thinks he's so wonderful. And I listen to how couples 779 00:34:20,480 --> 00:34:22,440 Speaker 1: speak about each other a lot when they're not around 780 00:34:22,440 --> 00:34:25,279 Speaker 1: the other person. Also, and UM, are you proud of 781 00:34:25,280 --> 00:34:27,160 Speaker 1: your partner? Are you excited to do the stuff that 782 00:34:27,200 --> 00:34:29,840 Speaker 1: they that they want to do. So, Um, we I 783 00:34:29,880 --> 00:34:31,319 Speaker 1: think are fortunate to have a lot of really good 784 00:34:31,360 --> 00:34:34,880 Speaker 1: examples around us a positive relationships, and um, I always 785 00:34:34,920 --> 00:34:37,160 Speaker 1: encourage people when you're like, you know, was what's going 786 00:34:37,160 --> 00:34:39,680 Speaker 1: on with me? Normal to look at people whose relationships 787 00:34:39,680 --> 00:34:42,320 Speaker 1: you admire and say, like, what what do I emulate 788 00:34:42,360 --> 00:34:44,640 Speaker 1: from that? You know? And it's important to surround yourself 789 00:34:44,640 --> 00:34:46,920 Speaker 1: with people that have good relationships with everybody, not just 790 00:34:47,000 --> 00:34:50,000 Speaker 1: the romantic partner, but friends and family as well. Yeah, 791 00:34:50,120 --> 00:34:53,120 Speaker 1: I like, I like that nuance, like, like that's a 792 00:34:53,160 --> 00:34:55,439 Speaker 1: really subtle idea of how people talk about each other 793 00:34:56,000 --> 00:34:58,040 Speaker 1: when when the other person's not around and when the 794 00:34:58,040 --> 00:35:00,640 Speaker 1: person is around too. Right of that, when if you 795 00:35:00,840 --> 00:35:02,319 Speaker 1: saw me and my wife together, you think we hate 796 00:35:02,320 --> 00:35:07,200 Speaker 1: each other because bantis so much, because it's such a 797 00:35:07,800 --> 00:35:10,000 Speaker 1: I feel, at least it's a very British thing, because 798 00:35:10,000 --> 00:35:11,759 Speaker 1: me and my friends do this too, like we will 799 00:35:11,920 --> 00:35:13,680 Speaker 1: lay into each other and the more you can lay 800 00:35:13,680 --> 00:35:15,640 Speaker 1: into each other more and love you, And so I 801 00:35:15,680 --> 00:35:17,440 Speaker 1: do with my guy friends who doing my wife like 802 00:35:17,800 --> 00:35:19,359 Speaker 1: and my wife started, by the way, it was not 803 00:35:19,400 --> 00:35:21,359 Speaker 1: my ideas, so it's not something I came up with, 804 00:35:21,440 --> 00:35:24,160 Speaker 1: but literally she sets the tone if she's around me, 805 00:35:24,239 --> 00:35:26,640 Speaker 1: she'll find a way to pick some flow out in 806 00:35:26,640 --> 00:35:29,359 Speaker 1: the most hilarious right, in a funny way. Yeah, yeah yeah. 807 00:35:29,560 --> 00:35:33,880 Speaker 1: Passive aggressive difference between healthy banter and roasting and I 808 00:35:34,080 --> 00:35:37,080 Speaker 1: love that too, and nagging and yeah, actually trying to 809 00:35:37,080 --> 00:35:40,200 Speaker 1: make someone look bad totally impletely yeah yeah, and passive 810 00:35:40,200 --> 00:35:47,319 Speaker 1: aggression yeah around yeah yeah. When they're talking to each 811 00:35:47,360 --> 00:35:50,359 Speaker 1: other in the third person, yeah, oh my god, they 812 00:35:50,360 --> 00:35:52,600 Speaker 1: bring up their therapist. I'm like, how fast can I 813 00:35:52,600 --> 00:35:57,840 Speaker 1: exit this room? What's your take on friends becoming lovers 814 00:35:57,880 --> 00:36:00,319 Speaker 1: and lovers staying friends after they break up up? So 815 00:36:00,440 --> 00:36:02,680 Speaker 1: both way rounds um. We get asked a lot like 816 00:36:02,840 --> 00:36:07,000 Speaker 1: can can your friend turn into your lover? Um? And 817 00:36:07,040 --> 00:36:10,480 Speaker 1: can your lover go back to being your friend? UM? 818 00:36:10,560 --> 00:36:12,040 Speaker 1: I don't know if what I want to take first. 819 00:36:12,080 --> 00:36:14,359 Speaker 1: I mean, I feel like, can you can you? Can 820 00:36:14,400 --> 00:36:16,480 Speaker 1: you be lovers and then friends? I guess it depends 821 00:36:16,480 --> 00:36:18,440 Speaker 1: on how the relationship ended. I guess it depends how 822 00:36:18,520 --> 00:36:21,000 Speaker 1: much time goes by. What happened one of my best 823 00:36:21,000 --> 00:36:22,960 Speaker 1: friends in the world, him and I slept together for 824 00:36:23,000 --> 00:36:25,880 Speaker 1: like maybe six weeks when we first met, and ending 825 00:36:25,880 --> 00:36:28,360 Speaker 1: it was really painful for me because he basically was 826 00:36:28,400 --> 00:36:30,600 Speaker 1: like he was like, I don't want this. He was like, 827 00:36:30,600 --> 00:36:32,480 Speaker 1: I don't want to date anybody. It feels like this 828 00:36:32,520 --> 00:36:34,000 Speaker 1: is where it's heading. I'm just telling you right now, 829 00:36:34,000 --> 00:36:35,879 Speaker 1: you're not gonna like what happens. I don't I don't 830 00:36:35,880 --> 00:36:37,480 Speaker 1: want to be in a relationship with you. And um, 831 00:36:37,480 --> 00:36:40,080 Speaker 1: it hurt a lot in the moment, but the honesty 832 00:36:40,360 --> 00:36:42,880 Speaker 1: and sticking to that is actually what has allowed me 833 00:36:42,920 --> 00:36:45,200 Speaker 1: to be stay friends with him because he didn't disrespect me. 834 00:36:45,200 --> 00:36:46,520 Speaker 1: He looked at me in the face and he said 835 00:36:46,600 --> 00:36:48,640 Speaker 1: I don't want to be in a relationship. And then 836 00:36:48,640 --> 00:36:50,799 Speaker 1: it was probably a little weird and painful. For like 837 00:36:50,840 --> 00:36:52,840 Speaker 1: six months, it hurt to see him with another girl. 838 00:36:53,200 --> 00:36:55,080 Speaker 1: It was really I didn't really want to hear about it. 839 00:36:55,080 --> 00:36:57,959 Speaker 1: If he was dating somebody, it hurt. But with enough time, 840 00:36:58,000 --> 00:37:00,000 Speaker 1: I was like, this is still like I find value 841 00:37:00,040 --> 00:37:02,040 Speaker 1: in this. I really like this person, and he really 842 00:37:02,080 --> 00:37:04,080 Speaker 1: truly is like one of the most important people in 843 00:37:04,080 --> 00:37:06,239 Speaker 1: my life. He took our podcast photos when we first started. 844 00:37:06,360 --> 00:37:08,840 Speaker 1: It was just he is such like an act of service, 845 00:37:08,920 --> 00:37:11,640 Speaker 1: love language person. He's so wonderful. So with enough time, 846 00:37:11,640 --> 00:37:13,520 Speaker 1: if you really want and if you feel I think 847 00:37:13,560 --> 00:37:16,360 Speaker 1: respected in the ending of it. I think you can be. 848 00:37:17,080 --> 00:37:18,799 Speaker 1: But it depends on what happens to relationship. If I'm 849 00:37:18,880 --> 00:37:20,960 Speaker 1: dating somebody and they say to me, yeah, my AX 850 00:37:21,040 --> 00:37:22,520 Speaker 1: and I are best friends, I don't know that I 851 00:37:22,560 --> 00:37:25,000 Speaker 1: love it. It depends on the circumstances. I know. It's 852 00:37:25,040 --> 00:37:26,400 Speaker 1: one of these things. If there are no hard and 853 00:37:26,440 --> 00:37:28,839 Speaker 1: fast roles, and we don't really trust people that say 854 00:37:28,880 --> 00:37:30,440 Speaker 1: that there are. You can't be friends with an X, 855 00:37:30,520 --> 00:37:32,399 Speaker 1: you can never dig your friend shut up, but yes 856 00:37:32,400 --> 00:37:36,840 Speaker 1: you can. I so I think it's all case by 857 00:37:36,920 --> 00:37:41,080 Speaker 1: case basis. But I think of friends that end up 858 00:37:41,080 --> 00:37:43,759 Speaker 1: in a relationship could be really beautiful. I think it 859 00:37:43,960 --> 00:37:47,480 Speaker 1: can totally work. I think it's again not a hot take. 860 00:37:47,520 --> 00:37:50,120 Speaker 1: It goes out saying that you could ruin the friendship, 861 00:37:50,200 --> 00:37:52,600 Speaker 1: but you'd be willing to take the risk, thinking of um, 862 00:37:53,280 --> 00:37:57,200 Speaker 1: love is blind. The Deep Dah Deep Tea and by 863 00:37:57,239 --> 00:37:59,520 Speaker 1: all that was so upsetting. We love that show, but 864 00:38:00,560 --> 00:38:02,400 Speaker 1: that I think kind of like, you know, the friendship 865 00:38:02,400 --> 00:38:05,600 Speaker 1: can can really get ruined, but it can really be 866 00:38:05,640 --> 00:38:07,880 Speaker 1: really beautiful too. My thing with that, I always think 867 00:38:07,880 --> 00:38:10,560 Speaker 1: you should think about what it would actually look like 868 00:38:10,600 --> 00:38:13,080 Speaker 1: if you dated this person. Because I have a guy 869 00:38:13,120 --> 00:38:17,280 Speaker 1: friend that and this was not anytime recentum, but where 870 00:38:17,360 --> 00:38:19,239 Speaker 1: we connected so much. If we were in the room, 871 00:38:19,280 --> 00:38:21,000 Speaker 1: you could feel it. It was palpable. It was just 872 00:38:21,040 --> 00:38:23,440 Speaker 1: like how could they not date? You know, like everybody 873 00:38:23,480 --> 00:38:26,520 Speaker 1: saw it. Everybody could feel it and the chemistry and 874 00:38:26,600 --> 00:38:29,000 Speaker 1: we just felt like a perfect match. But and like 875 00:38:29,120 --> 00:38:32,160 Speaker 1: I knew that too, and I've found him super attractive, 876 00:38:32,160 --> 00:38:34,600 Speaker 1: but I couldn't picture dating him. I couldn't picture being 877 00:38:34,600 --> 00:38:36,800 Speaker 1: like at home with him or something, you know, and 878 00:38:36,880 --> 00:38:40,080 Speaker 1: I probably vice versa, and I took a realistic look 879 00:38:40,120 --> 00:38:42,480 Speaker 1: at it, because you get to that place where you're like, 880 00:38:42,640 --> 00:38:46,360 Speaker 1: should we try and maybe or maybe not? And I 881 00:38:46,360 --> 00:38:48,320 Speaker 1: think it's really you have to be realistic with yourself, 882 00:38:48,440 --> 00:38:50,320 Speaker 1: like can I actually see them as a romantic partner? 883 00:38:50,560 --> 00:38:52,640 Speaker 1: And then staying friends with an X that is really 884 00:38:52,760 --> 00:38:57,200 Speaker 1: also can totally work or not. And it's so much 885 00:38:57,239 --> 00:39:00,719 Speaker 1: about the feelings that each person has. I have an 886 00:39:00,840 --> 00:39:02,960 Speaker 1: X that I wish I could be friends with. I 887 00:39:02,960 --> 00:39:05,239 Speaker 1: could absolutely be friends with him. I think he's the 888 00:39:05,239 --> 00:39:08,000 Speaker 1: best person. I think he's so funny, But I don't 889 00:39:08,000 --> 00:39:10,719 Speaker 1: think he could and I have set a lot of 890 00:39:10,719 --> 00:39:13,799 Speaker 1: boundaries with him because I just don't think it would 891 00:39:13,800 --> 00:39:17,439 Speaker 1: be healthy for him without saying much more. So, it's 892 00:39:17,480 --> 00:39:20,200 Speaker 1: like I absolutely could, we could text, we could be buddies, 893 00:39:20,320 --> 00:39:22,200 Speaker 1: you know, have him on the podcast, But like, I 894 00:39:22,239 --> 00:39:24,200 Speaker 1: don't think it'll be healthy for him, knowing what I 895 00:39:24,239 --> 00:39:26,279 Speaker 1: know a lot about all the way a relationship ended 896 00:39:26,280 --> 00:39:28,359 Speaker 1: in his past and things like that. And I think 897 00:39:28,360 --> 00:39:30,600 Speaker 1: it's so fun to be friends with somebody that you 898 00:39:30,680 --> 00:39:33,719 Speaker 1: casually dated. Like a guy that I casually dated for 899 00:39:33,800 --> 00:39:36,040 Speaker 1: you know, a month, two months right before the pandemic. 900 00:39:36,160 --> 00:39:38,399 Speaker 1: We text all the time. He has a girlfriend. Sure 901 00:39:38,480 --> 00:39:39,840 Speaker 1: she doesn't care on what if you told her or not, 902 00:39:39,880 --> 00:39:42,200 Speaker 1: but like joke around and I'll be you know, it's 903 00:39:42,280 --> 00:39:45,680 Speaker 1: it's like a funny relationship. I find those relationships like 904 00:39:45,800 --> 00:39:48,640 Speaker 1: just kind of weirdly special. I like those. Yeah, I 905 00:39:48,960 --> 00:39:51,239 Speaker 1: want to try something. You've never done this before. So Ray, 906 00:39:51,280 --> 00:39:54,360 Speaker 1: now imagine if you were breaking up with Ashley. I 907 00:39:54,440 --> 00:39:56,160 Speaker 1: want you to try to the best script of what 908 00:39:56,239 --> 00:39:58,680 Speaker 1: you'd like to hear if someone's breaking up with you. 909 00:39:59,239 --> 00:40:01,160 Speaker 1: So you'll going to be the person who's breaking up. 910 00:40:01,200 --> 00:40:04,080 Speaker 1: Ashley's going to be the person who's being broken up with, Okay, 911 00:40:04,360 --> 00:40:07,120 Speaker 1: and I want you to deliver what you'd like to 912 00:40:07,160 --> 00:40:09,759 Speaker 1: hear if someone's breaking up with you. So you've been 913 00:40:10,160 --> 00:40:12,600 Speaker 1: kind of daying for like three to six months, three 914 00:40:12,640 --> 00:40:15,520 Speaker 1: to six months, Yeah, I want to hear. Yeah, oh 915 00:40:15,560 --> 00:40:18,080 Speaker 1: my god, I did my last break and actually you 916 00:40:18,160 --> 00:40:20,360 Speaker 1: respond how you respond? Okay, I have to break up 917 00:40:20,400 --> 00:40:22,760 Speaker 1: with you. Oh my gosh, there goes my bank account. 918 00:40:25,920 --> 00:40:28,520 Speaker 1: Not not as you, guys, as if you dating again, 919 00:40:28,920 --> 00:40:31,520 Speaker 1: not as you. I feel like this relationship has run 920 00:40:31,560 --> 00:40:35,520 Speaker 1: its course. And um, I feel like you already messed 921 00:40:35,600 --> 00:40:37,719 Speaker 1: up because you need to start with your soul. So 922 00:40:38,000 --> 00:40:42,600 Speaker 1: you that I've already messed up once. Already you break up, 923 00:40:43,120 --> 00:40:46,600 Speaker 1: break up with myself. You need to start up. You're 924 00:40:46,640 --> 00:40:55,680 Speaker 1: the funniest, coolest, No, that's one I've ever met. Compliments first, 925 00:40:55,760 --> 00:40:58,719 Speaker 1: You want to hear compliments before someone says our relationships. 926 00:40:58,719 --> 00:41:00,839 Speaker 1: Just like if you just start it and say I'm 927 00:41:00,880 --> 00:41:03,880 Speaker 1: like funny and hot, like it'll be better. It's like, 928 00:41:03,920 --> 00:41:05,880 Speaker 1: it's just better, it'll lessen the blow. I don't care. 929 00:41:05,920 --> 00:41:08,279 Speaker 1: That's funnier and hotter. I wouldn't be breaking up with you. 930 00:41:10,600 --> 00:41:13,520 Speaker 1: That's all I've heard that. I'm just like that sounds chill, 931 00:41:13,719 --> 00:41:18,000 Speaker 1: you know, I don't know the last breakup I did. 932 00:41:18,000 --> 00:41:19,760 Speaker 1: I try to keep it like as vague as possible. 933 00:41:19,800 --> 00:41:22,160 Speaker 1: I said, like, I think this relationships runs course. I 934 00:41:22,160 --> 00:41:23,799 Speaker 1: think we want different things in life. I want to 935 00:41:23,800 --> 00:41:27,520 Speaker 1: be successful and you don't know um that No, I 936 00:41:27,560 --> 00:41:29,200 Speaker 1: just I said, I think we want different things in life, 937 00:41:29,239 --> 00:41:31,120 Speaker 1: and then we expect different things out of life. And 938 00:41:31,360 --> 00:41:33,359 Speaker 1: I said, I still love you and care about you. 939 00:41:33,360 --> 00:41:35,719 Speaker 1: Think you're a wonderful person, You're all the things, You're 940 00:41:35,840 --> 00:41:38,040 Speaker 1: smart and funny, and but I just I think this 941 00:41:38,120 --> 00:41:40,080 Speaker 1: is run. It's course. I've used that line before on 942 00:41:40,160 --> 00:41:42,000 Speaker 1: like a couple of breakups. I recycle that line. But 943 00:41:42,120 --> 00:41:44,160 Speaker 1: there's a couple of things in breakups. I don't want 944 00:41:44,200 --> 00:41:47,439 Speaker 1: somebody to walk away being completely confused. Actually I talked 945 00:41:47,480 --> 00:41:49,239 Speaker 1: about that in my last breakup because I was like, 946 00:41:49,280 --> 00:41:50,400 Speaker 1: what if I said this? And she was like, you 947 00:41:50,400 --> 00:41:52,480 Speaker 1: don't want to like have him walk away thinking he 948 00:41:52,520 --> 00:41:55,000 Speaker 1: did something he didn't. And I agree with that. But 949 00:41:55,040 --> 00:41:57,720 Speaker 1: I also don't need to like burn into the ground 950 00:41:57,800 --> 00:41:59,680 Speaker 1: and be like this is wrong and this is wrong 951 00:41:59,719 --> 00:42:01,200 Speaker 1: and this is wrong. You know, Like I also don't 952 00:42:01,200 --> 00:42:04,080 Speaker 1: need to make you feel terrible sometimes like some vagueness 953 00:42:04,719 --> 00:42:07,160 Speaker 1: is okay. Well, that's the thing that we say when 954 00:42:07,200 --> 00:42:09,880 Speaker 1: people are begging for closure, it's like you want to 955 00:42:09,920 --> 00:42:12,839 Speaker 1: hear the really bad stuff, you know. And I think 956 00:42:12,840 --> 00:42:16,520 Speaker 1: that's one of the best things that we've learned throughout 957 00:42:16,520 --> 00:42:19,640 Speaker 1: the years doing what we do, is sometimes it's just 958 00:42:19,680 --> 00:42:22,279 Speaker 1: that you're not it. You know, you're not the one, 959 00:42:22,520 --> 00:42:25,200 Speaker 1: and it can boil down to some things you may 960 00:42:25,239 --> 00:42:28,279 Speaker 1: not want to hear. And I think it's good to 961 00:42:28,320 --> 00:42:30,640 Speaker 1: reflect on yourself too, Like how many times have you 962 00:42:30,719 --> 00:42:33,080 Speaker 1: been with somebody that just wasn't the person and you 963 00:42:33,080 --> 00:42:35,759 Speaker 1: couldn't necessarily put your finger on it, and then if 964 00:42:35,800 --> 00:42:38,040 Speaker 1: you did, it would come across sounding pretty harsh. So 965 00:42:38,160 --> 00:42:39,520 Speaker 1: I think it's always good to put yourself on the 966 00:42:39,560 --> 00:42:42,480 Speaker 1: other side of it too, Like I'm not so undesirable. 967 00:42:42,600 --> 00:42:44,719 Speaker 1: I have dated people that were great and then we 968 00:42:44,760 --> 00:42:47,800 Speaker 1: had to end it too. So I mean, I would 969 00:42:47,800 --> 00:42:51,080 Speaker 1: hate to be broken up with and totally heartbroken with 970 00:42:51,120 --> 00:42:52,840 Speaker 1: somebody that I loved and then I saw a future with. 971 00:42:52,960 --> 00:42:56,279 Speaker 1: But I know that I would be okay, and I 972 00:42:56,320 --> 00:42:59,719 Speaker 1: can't be knowing what I know now, I would just 973 00:42:59,800 --> 00:43:02,640 Speaker 1: have to take it pretty easily because sometimes it just 974 00:43:02,840 --> 00:43:05,359 Speaker 1: doesn't work out. So that's kind of the thing too, 975 00:43:05,360 --> 00:43:09,600 Speaker 1: when people are just they're so obsessed with that closure conversation. Yeah, yeah, 976 00:43:09,640 --> 00:43:12,440 Speaker 1: I do think you should have closure, but to what extent, Well, 977 00:43:12,480 --> 00:43:14,719 Speaker 1: some people want to have a third breakup conversation, a 978 00:43:14,719 --> 00:43:17,680 Speaker 1: fourth breakup conversation, right like you've you've had the breakup conversation, 979 00:43:17,680 --> 00:43:20,319 Speaker 1: but they want to keep understanding. And sometimes we're that 980 00:43:20,360 --> 00:43:22,680 Speaker 1: person or sometimes that person's doing it to us, and 981 00:43:22,760 --> 00:43:25,359 Speaker 1: you're saying, actually, you're not going to achieve much from 982 00:43:25,400 --> 00:43:28,080 Speaker 1: that extension of conversation. Depends who you are, and you 983 00:43:28,080 --> 00:43:30,000 Speaker 1: know why it ended. It's just I don't know that 984 00:43:30,040 --> 00:43:31,960 Speaker 1: I need to like give you a declaration of hate, 985 00:43:32,400 --> 00:43:35,120 Speaker 1: you know, Like it's just I don't see myself marrying you. 986 00:43:35,239 --> 00:43:36,840 Speaker 1: I don't need to tell you like I don't respect 987 00:43:36,880 --> 00:43:38,719 Speaker 1: the way you live your life. I think it's fine 988 00:43:38,760 --> 00:43:40,960 Speaker 1: to break up, take some time to marinate, and then 989 00:43:41,320 --> 00:43:44,279 Speaker 1: really want that like closure conversation six months later or something, 990 00:43:44,280 --> 00:43:46,120 Speaker 1: because you really can be a little more honest. Tensions 991 00:43:46,120 --> 00:43:49,440 Speaker 1: are lower, but I'm not going to keep unpacking the breakup. 992 00:43:49,719 --> 00:43:52,719 Speaker 1: I think. Sometimes so my I was engaged to somebody, 993 00:43:53,239 --> 00:43:55,920 Speaker 1: we broke up, and we didn't really have any other 994 00:43:56,200 --> 00:43:59,160 Speaker 1: We broke up the day after my engagement party, and 995 00:43:59,200 --> 00:44:01,439 Speaker 1: we never spoke again for three and a half years. 996 00:44:01,880 --> 00:44:04,640 Speaker 1: And three and a a half years later actually, and i'd 997 00:44:04,680 --> 00:44:07,440 Speaker 1: started the podcast about two months after you started the podcast. 998 00:44:08,520 --> 00:44:10,920 Speaker 1: Through a series of things that happened, I ended up 999 00:44:10,960 --> 00:44:12,399 Speaker 1: talking to him and he asked me to go out 1000 00:44:12,400 --> 00:44:14,719 Speaker 1: to dinner and we had this like six hour long, 1001 00:44:14,760 --> 00:44:17,719 Speaker 1: all night closure conversation and he said, you know, I've 1002 00:44:17,719 --> 00:44:19,799 Speaker 1: thought about you every day for four years and I've 1003 00:44:19,800 --> 00:44:21,920 Speaker 1: never really gotten over this, and I hate what I 1004 00:44:21,960 --> 00:44:24,600 Speaker 1: did do, and I'm so sorry. It was a nice moment. 1005 00:44:24,640 --> 00:44:26,719 Speaker 1: It was a nice moment to have it, but I 1006 00:44:26,880 --> 00:44:28,680 Speaker 1: know I appreciate it and helped me to walk away 1007 00:44:28,719 --> 00:44:30,400 Speaker 1: up from some anger and some things I really was 1008 00:44:30,440 --> 00:44:33,319 Speaker 1: still hang on to. But I didn't need it. It 1009 00:44:33,360 --> 00:44:35,799 Speaker 1: was nice to have it. Sometimes that feels really good. 1010 00:44:35,840 --> 00:44:38,240 Speaker 1: But you have to learn to like go to therapy 1011 00:44:38,280 --> 00:44:40,879 Speaker 1: and read books and listen to podcasts, and thankfully today 1012 00:44:40,880 --> 00:44:42,600 Speaker 1: there is so much out there like your show, like 1013 00:44:42,640 --> 00:44:44,560 Speaker 1: our show that people can listen to and hopeall we 1014 00:44:44,600 --> 00:44:48,840 Speaker 1: find some peace. Yeah, I don't know. So the dream 1015 00:44:49,080 --> 00:44:52,239 Speaker 1: is that you're consistently doing relationship check ins if you 1016 00:44:52,280 --> 00:44:54,080 Speaker 1: need them, and you know where you stand and where 1017 00:44:54,080 --> 00:44:57,280 Speaker 1: they stand and so like you're a woman, for example, 1018 00:44:57,320 --> 00:44:59,360 Speaker 1: and you just get blindsided, broke up with out of 1019 00:44:59,360 --> 00:45:01,120 Speaker 1: the blue, and he's like, did you do this? You 1020 00:45:01,200 --> 00:45:03,839 Speaker 1: do that? And you're like, why didn't you tell me 1021 00:45:04,440 --> 00:45:09,000 Speaker 1: when those things were happening? Because feedback is important, you know. Again, 1022 00:45:09,040 --> 00:45:11,279 Speaker 1: I don't think you should beat down someone's door for 1023 00:45:11,280 --> 00:45:13,200 Speaker 1: this closure and tell me everything that's wrong with me, 1024 00:45:13,280 --> 00:45:16,520 Speaker 1: but like it is nice to know, so perhaps you 1025 00:45:16,520 --> 00:45:19,520 Speaker 1: can be better in the next relationship if it's something 1026 00:45:19,520 --> 00:45:23,240 Speaker 1: that was actually valid. Yeah. So I just think there 1027 00:45:23,360 --> 00:45:26,120 Speaker 1: is a happy medium. Unhappy medium, I guess would be 1028 00:45:26,120 --> 00:45:29,560 Speaker 1: the better word. But again, it sometimes it just boils 1029 00:45:29,600 --> 00:45:32,360 Speaker 1: down to this, isn't it? And I think you're a 1030 00:45:32,360 --> 00:45:38,799 Speaker 1: lovely person and all the best you do you think 1031 00:45:38,800 --> 00:45:41,000 Speaker 1: that people? Do you think being blindsided as a real thing? 1032 00:45:41,200 --> 00:45:43,880 Speaker 1: Sometimes when people I'll qualify this when people say like 1033 00:45:44,040 --> 00:45:46,760 Speaker 1: he blindsided me, and I'm like, this person just woke 1034 00:45:46,840 --> 00:45:48,480 Speaker 1: up walking to a room and say good bye, Like 1035 00:45:48,680 --> 00:45:50,919 Speaker 1: I don't know, and I'm sure that does happen. But 1036 00:45:51,080 --> 00:45:53,000 Speaker 1: do you think it happens as often as people say 1037 00:45:53,000 --> 00:45:55,560 Speaker 1: that it does. That's a great question. I mean, I'd 1038 00:45:55,600 --> 00:45:57,239 Speaker 1: love to look at the research behind it. But from 1039 00:45:57,320 --> 00:46:00,840 Speaker 1: what I've experienced, I definitely can say that I think 1040 00:46:00,960 --> 00:46:04,200 Speaker 1: people are blindsided to the degree that people might not 1041 00:46:04,239 --> 00:46:07,520 Speaker 1: be saying much before they do something like that. But 1042 00:46:07,760 --> 00:46:11,080 Speaker 1: i'd say that if you were and I don't mean 1043 00:46:11,160 --> 00:46:13,919 Speaker 1: same as you. I don't mean like interrogating and investigating 1044 00:46:13,960 --> 00:46:16,480 Speaker 1: and having a private investige involved or anything like that. 1045 00:46:16,520 --> 00:46:18,879 Speaker 1: But I think if you're reading the signs of like 1046 00:46:19,040 --> 00:46:21,239 Speaker 1: how close someone is, how distant someone is, like how 1047 00:46:21,280 --> 00:46:24,880 Speaker 1: engaged they are in conversation, like how often you're actually connecting, 1048 00:46:24,920 --> 00:46:27,360 Speaker 1: like I think you can tell. But I think often 1049 00:46:27,400 --> 00:46:29,799 Speaker 1: we think things are great because they look great in 1050 00:46:29,800 --> 00:46:32,719 Speaker 1: our heads, but we're not really looking at what am 1051 00:46:32,719 --> 00:46:34,880 Speaker 1: I actually feeling, what am I experiencing from this person. 1052 00:46:35,120 --> 00:46:37,239 Speaker 1: But I do think people do have that completely. I mean, 1053 00:46:37,640 --> 00:46:40,759 Speaker 1: I literally spoke to someone a couple of months ago, 1054 00:46:40,800 --> 00:46:43,319 Speaker 1: and it's like they've been married for twenty years and 1055 00:46:43,360 --> 00:46:46,000 Speaker 1: then their partner told them that they don't think they 1056 00:46:46,000 --> 00:46:47,880 Speaker 1: were right for each other anymore and that they've felt 1057 00:46:47,880 --> 00:46:52,440 Speaker 1: that way for a long time. Now. That's insanely tough, right, Like, 1058 00:46:52,520 --> 00:46:54,680 Speaker 1: that's so difficult, and so yeah, if I was with 1059 00:46:54,719 --> 00:46:57,200 Speaker 1: someone for twenty years, I would feel blindsided because twenty 1060 00:46:57,239 --> 00:46:59,799 Speaker 1: years a long time. But often people are quiet. I 1061 00:47:00,120 --> 00:47:02,440 Speaker 1: find that a lot of people are like silent or 1062 00:47:02,520 --> 00:47:05,080 Speaker 1: quiet or distant before a breakup. It's not like they're 1063 00:47:05,480 --> 00:47:07,839 Speaker 1: they're telling you they love you right now. And then 1064 00:47:08,160 --> 00:47:10,279 Speaker 1: well maybe, actually, I take that back. That's happened to 1065 00:47:10,320 --> 00:47:11,800 Speaker 1: people too. Every once in a while, you'll have a 1066 00:47:11,800 --> 00:47:15,240 Speaker 1: conversation and then it's couldn't you believe it? We were perfect? 1067 00:47:15,239 --> 00:47:17,359 Speaker 1: And then you take a little deeper and yeah, like, well, 1068 00:47:17,400 --> 00:47:19,960 Speaker 1: actually there's this one thing that happened in Miami and 1069 00:47:20,000 --> 00:47:23,000 Speaker 1: you're like, oh my god, the huge red flags. Why 1070 00:47:23,000 --> 00:47:25,399 Speaker 1: didn't you couldn't you couldn't feel that something was off then? 1071 00:47:25,520 --> 00:47:28,000 Speaker 1: And what you said, you might just think it's perfect, 1072 00:47:28,080 --> 00:47:31,600 Speaker 1: or you're just trying not to be You're you're trying 1073 00:47:31,600 --> 00:47:34,000 Speaker 1: to not be honest with yourself, like you're trying not 1074 00:47:34,040 --> 00:47:36,359 Speaker 1: to see the signs, like wanting it to be so 1075 00:47:36,400 --> 00:47:39,760 Speaker 1: perfect that you don't pick up all those things. Yeah, 1076 00:47:39,760 --> 00:47:41,440 Speaker 1: what are some of the common red flags you think 1077 00:47:41,480 --> 00:47:43,160 Speaker 1: people miss? Like what are the ones that you think 1078 00:47:43,320 --> 00:47:46,279 Speaker 1: people actually miss them completely? Like this is a good 1079 00:47:46,280 --> 00:47:48,799 Speaker 1: example of one where you think you're blindsided, but you're 1080 00:47:48,840 --> 00:47:51,520 Speaker 1: not really because there are hidden messages there. What are 1081 00:47:51,560 --> 00:47:53,000 Speaker 1: some of those other ones that you think we just 1082 00:47:53,560 --> 00:47:56,560 Speaker 1: like just don't recognize. I mean a lot of signs 1083 00:47:56,560 --> 00:48:01,000 Speaker 1: and narcissism. I think that the charming thing, you know, 1084 00:48:01,200 --> 00:48:03,880 Speaker 1: just I think you had doctor Romney on maybe. Yeah, 1085 00:48:04,120 --> 00:48:07,480 Speaker 1: Like that word is always in my head because it's 1086 00:48:07,520 --> 00:48:10,480 Speaker 1: such a positive compliment, and of course it doesn't have 1087 00:48:10,520 --> 00:48:13,399 Speaker 1: to be bad, but the overly charming you feel like 1088 00:48:13,440 --> 00:48:15,879 Speaker 1: a connection, like you're the only woman in the room 1089 00:48:15,880 --> 00:48:18,120 Speaker 1: when you're talking to him. It's like, I don't know, 1090 00:48:18,400 --> 00:48:22,560 Speaker 1: that might not be good. So that's what we all 1091 00:48:22,640 --> 00:48:25,000 Speaker 1: want to some degree, isn't it Like isn't that the 1092 00:48:25,040 --> 00:48:27,120 Speaker 1: feeling that we want to be made to fill out? 1093 00:48:27,200 --> 00:48:29,120 Speaker 1: Or no, you're saying we should never want to feel 1094 00:48:29,120 --> 00:48:31,560 Speaker 1: that even with the it's it's hard. Yeah, it's hard. 1095 00:48:31,920 --> 00:48:33,759 Speaker 1: She described a narcist and I was like, that sounds 1096 00:48:33,840 --> 00:48:36,680 Speaker 1: kind a nice. She was like, if they try to 1097 00:48:36,719 --> 00:48:38,359 Speaker 1: take you on a trip within ten days of meeting, 1098 00:48:38,440 --> 00:48:41,520 Speaker 1: I was like, that sounds great. I don't know, I 1099 00:48:41,520 --> 00:48:44,440 Speaker 1: don't know if it's just like does everyone feel like 1100 00:48:44,480 --> 00:48:47,160 Speaker 1: that that they've met? So, yeah, it can be. It 1101 00:48:47,200 --> 00:48:50,480 Speaker 1: can be tough to decipher. I mean, I think just 1102 00:48:50,680 --> 00:48:53,759 Speaker 1: general bad behavior, like if someone doesn't do what they 1103 00:48:53,760 --> 00:48:56,640 Speaker 1: say they're gonna do, they don't show up, they bail 1104 00:48:56,760 --> 00:49:01,480 Speaker 1: on you, they just immediately like someone does not show up, 1105 00:49:01,600 --> 00:49:04,960 Speaker 1: they don't respond to you, or whatever it is, and 1106 00:49:05,440 --> 00:49:09,239 Speaker 1: you don't pay attention. Yeah, I think you can only 1107 00:49:09,280 --> 00:49:11,120 Speaker 1: blame yourself when that actually turns out to be the 1108 00:49:11,160 --> 00:49:13,560 Speaker 1: demise of a relationship. Yeah, because it was there at 1109 00:49:13,600 --> 00:49:15,719 Speaker 1: the beginning. Yeah, mine's going the other way. We used 1110 00:49:15,719 --> 00:49:17,200 Speaker 1: to text each other all the time, and now we've 1111 00:49:17,239 --> 00:49:19,440 Speaker 1: been married for seven years talking. I have to message 1112 00:49:19,440 --> 00:49:21,760 Speaker 1: seven times to get a text back. Now. My wife's 1113 00:49:21,760 --> 00:49:24,440 Speaker 1: the worst of textings. Literally, she's she's the worst that 1114 00:49:24,640 --> 00:49:27,200 Speaker 1: everyone always to message me going Jeff said, rather this 1115 00:49:27,320 --> 00:49:29,719 Speaker 1: message like three days ago, she's gonna get back to him, 1116 00:49:29,760 --> 00:49:33,239 Speaker 1: like yeah, three weeks like like because literally, Yeah, she 1117 00:49:33,520 --> 00:49:35,960 Speaker 1: loves calls. She can pick up the phone anytime, not 1118 00:49:36,040 --> 00:49:38,880 Speaker 1: a text, not a text, ignore as text. We had 1119 00:49:38,920 --> 00:49:40,960 Speaker 1: a guest on and we talked about different texting styles, 1120 00:49:40,960 --> 00:49:41,920 Speaker 1: and I would say it was one of the most 1121 00:49:41,920 --> 00:49:44,080 Speaker 1: impactful episodes we did of twenty twenty two. It really 1122 00:49:44,080 --> 00:49:46,239 Speaker 1: helped to reframe into my mind that not everybody's like me, 1123 00:49:46,560 --> 00:49:48,360 Speaker 1: you know, like when I like somebody, I want to 1124 00:49:48,400 --> 00:49:50,600 Speaker 1: talk to them more. And it just really put into 1125 00:49:50,640 --> 00:49:53,520 Speaker 1: perspective that people have completely different communication styles and even 1126 00:49:53,520 --> 00:49:55,920 Speaker 1: when it comes to text, and I think it's helpful 1127 00:49:55,920 --> 00:49:58,160 Speaker 1: to remember it doesn't mean someone doesn't like you, but 1128 00:49:58,760 --> 00:50:01,719 Speaker 1: I mean, yes, days later they haven't returned your text. 1129 00:50:01,719 --> 00:50:03,400 Speaker 1: I think that's a pretty clear sign that you're not 1130 00:50:03,520 --> 00:50:05,399 Speaker 1: top of mind and a priority. Or it could even 1131 00:50:05,440 --> 00:50:08,040 Speaker 1: be purposeful, which is even worse. Yeah, like they're trying 1132 00:50:08,040 --> 00:50:10,919 Speaker 1: to put you in your place she doesn't want to be be. Yeah. 1133 00:50:10,960 --> 00:50:13,759 Speaker 1: I really enjoy the very beginning stages. It's a lot 1134 00:50:13,760 --> 00:50:15,960 Speaker 1: of fun. I like finding somebody that like really is 1135 00:50:16,000 --> 00:50:18,839 Speaker 1: engaging makes me laugh and I don't pause to think 1136 00:50:18,920 --> 00:50:21,440 Speaker 1: that often can this person be a good long term partner? 1137 00:50:21,440 --> 00:50:23,080 Speaker 1: And I think there's a good balance. There's a hard 1138 00:50:23,120 --> 00:50:25,640 Speaker 1: balance to strike because I don't want to interview somebody 1139 00:50:25,680 --> 00:50:27,960 Speaker 1: to be my husband on the first or second date either, 1140 00:50:28,000 --> 00:50:30,799 Speaker 1: because that's a fair to another person. But I think 1141 00:50:30,840 --> 00:50:32,560 Speaker 1: what you can do at least is look at somebody's 1142 00:50:32,600 --> 00:50:35,239 Speaker 1: lifestyle and what they do just day to day for work, 1143 00:50:35,280 --> 00:50:37,440 Speaker 1: how they travel, they have friends, and say like, is 1144 00:50:37,480 --> 00:50:40,000 Speaker 1: this a lifestyle I could enjoy long term. You know, 1145 00:50:40,000 --> 00:50:41,560 Speaker 1: if somebody went on a date with me and they 1146 00:50:41,600 --> 00:50:44,399 Speaker 1: were like, I really want somebody home seven nights a week. 1147 00:50:44,600 --> 00:50:46,040 Speaker 1: I want to be that's going to like have dinner 1148 00:50:46,040 --> 00:50:48,520 Speaker 1: with me seven nights a week. I don't want their 1149 00:50:48,520 --> 00:50:51,600 Speaker 1: career necessarily to be primary in their life. I want 1150 00:50:51,640 --> 00:50:53,719 Speaker 1: my career to be primary in our lives. You know, 1151 00:50:53,800 --> 00:50:56,160 Speaker 1: I'm probably not your girl, and that's not I wish 1152 00:50:56,160 --> 00:50:58,319 Speaker 1: people were that clear though, as well, Like, at least 1153 00:50:58,320 --> 00:51:00,320 Speaker 1: that would make it really clear for someone. Yeah, everybody 1154 00:51:00,400 --> 00:51:03,800 Speaker 1: was more clear exactly. Yeah, that would just be a 1155 00:51:03,840 --> 00:51:05,680 Speaker 1: dream if someone said that it makes some sense, Yeah, 1156 00:51:05,680 --> 00:51:07,120 Speaker 1: I'd be amazing. I wish we could all just like 1157 00:51:07,160 --> 00:51:09,399 Speaker 1: interview perfectly in a first date. But I have leaned 1158 00:51:09,440 --> 00:51:11,640 Speaker 1: into situations because they feel good. Because I find somebody 1159 00:51:11,680 --> 00:51:14,279 Speaker 1: that's really nice and I feel really connected with them 1160 00:51:14,320 --> 00:51:17,880 Speaker 1: on like an intimate level. I sometimes stop, don't stop 1161 00:51:17,920 --> 00:51:20,120 Speaker 1: to think, like, what does this look like in six months? 1162 00:51:20,160 --> 00:51:22,360 Speaker 1: Can we live the same type of life? Am I's 1163 00:51:22,360 --> 00:51:24,000 Speaker 1: gonna be proud of this person, and I like the 1164 00:51:24,040 --> 00:51:26,279 Speaker 1: kind of family they have their friends. So I get 1165 00:51:26,280 --> 00:51:28,920 Speaker 1: caught up in the beginning stages because I said this 1166 00:51:28,960 --> 00:51:30,919 Speaker 1: in the podcast on our show recently. My mom didn't 1167 00:51:30,960 --> 00:51:33,000 Speaker 1: raise me to like find find a husband, finds me 1168 00:51:33,080 --> 00:51:35,000 Speaker 1: to pay your bills. My mom was like, you be 1169 00:51:35,040 --> 00:51:36,360 Speaker 1: the person that pays the bills and you'd be the 1170 00:51:36,360 --> 00:51:40,040 Speaker 1: person successful, which I love and she's so empowering. But 1171 00:51:40,400 --> 00:51:42,360 Speaker 1: no one ever told me like when you go on 1172 00:51:42,400 --> 00:51:44,200 Speaker 1: a first date, you should date because you want to 1173 00:51:44,200 --> 00:51:47,360 Speaker 1: do this person long term. So those are some pitfalls 1174 00:51:47,360 --> 00:51:49,480 Speaker 1: for me. I think it don't pause to think, you know, 1175 00:51:49,600 --> 00:51:52,280 Speaker 1: what does this look like in a year? Yeah? You know, Yeah, 1176 00:51:52,320 --> 00:51:54,359 Speaker 1: that's a great show. Thank you for that. I want 1177 00:51:54,360 --> 00:51:56,600 Speaker 1: to dive into a couple of more personal things before 1178 00:51:56,640 --> 00:51:59,160 Speaker 1: we wrap up. Actually, you were saying that, you know, 1179 00:51:59,200 --> 00:52:01,040 Speaker 1: for you, you decide you didn't want to have children. 1180 00:52:01,280 --> 00:52:04,880 Speaker 1: How have you tackled explaining that to potential partners to 1181 00:52:04,880 --> 00:52:07,000 Speaker 1: your own family, Like, how's the reaction been? Because I 1182 00:52:07,000 --> 00:52:10,120 Speaker 1: always feel like when we make things that like break 1183 00:52:10,239 --> 00:52:12,600 Speaker 1: a tradition or pattern, like it's like a big thing 1184 00:52:12,600 --> 00:52:13,759 Speaker 1: to say, like, oh I don't want to do this 1185 00:52:13,760 --> 00:52:15,480 Speaker 1: and it shouldn't be a big thing, but it is 1186 00:52:15,520 --> 00:52:17,960 Speaker 1: seen as a big thing, right, Like even even for us, 1187 00:52:18,000 --> 00:52:20,520 Speaker 1: like we've been together for seven years, and in our community, 1188 00:52:20,520 --> 00:52:22,360 Speaker 1: it's like, that's a long time to be together and 1189 00:52:22,440 --> 00:52:24,640 Speaker 1: not have kids. Yeah. Yeah, And so it's like even that, 1190 00:52:24,800 --> 00:52:28,520 Speaker 1: even if the conversation is still open. So I guess 1191 00:52:28,520 --> 00:52:29,880 Speaker 1: I'm interested in that because I think there are so 1192 00:52:29,880 --> 00:52:32,440 Speaker 1: many people who are listening and watching who are changing 1193 00:52:32,440 --> 00:52:35,280 Speaker 1: the way relationships look, who are changing the way love looks, 1194 00:52:35,520 --> 00:52:38,160 Speaker 1: who are changing the way what matters to them looks. 1195 00:52:38,200 --> 00:52:40,160 Speaker 1: And so I want to hear from you, like how 1196 00:52:40,160 --> 00:52:42,480 Speaker 1: did you a come to that conclusion yourself, whatever you're 1197 00:52:42,480 --> 00:52:44,920 Speaker 1: comfortable sharing, and then how did you share that with 1198 00:52:44,960 --> 00:52:48,000 Speaker 1: the people in your life that matter? It's been I've 1199 00:52:48,040 --> 00:52:50,960 Speaker 1: never just want I've just never wanted children. We did 1200 00:52:50,960 --> 00:52:52,520 Speaker 1: a whole episode in this. It took me months to 1201 00:52:52,520 --> 00:52:54,520 Speaker 1: feel comfortable even doing it because I wanted to approach 1202 00:52:54,560 --> 00:52:57,160 Speaker 1: it very sensitively to women who are struggling to have 1203 00:52:57,239 --> 00:53:00,440 Speaker 1: children or that are struggling with the decision. And I 1204 00:53:00,480 --> 00:53:02,160 Speaker 1: don't want to be flippant about it, like, oh, it's 1205 00:53:02,160 --> 00:53:03,440 Speaker 1: no big deal, Like I just don't want them, and 1206 00:53:03,520 --> 00:53:05,560 Speaker 1: that's what it is, you know, because I actually feel, 1207 00:53:06,080 --> 00:53:08,399 Speaker 1: I say, so many women, especially as they get older 1208 00:53:08,400 --> 00:53:11,440 Speaker 1: into their thirties forties, that like don't know, you know, 1209 00:53:11,480 --> 00:53:13,239 Speaker 1: I don't really have to think about it, and so 1210 00:53:13,280 --> 00:53:15,359 Speaker 1: I've always felt that way in my adult life. Maybe 1211 00:53:15,360 --> 00:53:18,000 Speaker 1: when I was a kid or in college, I was like, 1212 00:53:18,000 --> 00:53:19,560 Speaker 1: of course I'll get married and have kids. You just 1213 00:53:19,600 --> 00:53:21,719 Speaker 1: don't know any better. And then I slowly started to 1214 00:53:21,719 --> 00:53:24,000 Speaker 1: realize as I became to adults one that I don't want. 1215 00:53:24,040 --> 00:53:26,200 Speaker 1: I can't picture it on any level, any part of it. 1216 00:53:26,800 --> 00:53:30,480 Speaker 1: And my family, again, it's just one of those I'm 1217 00:53:30,560 --> 00:53:33,160 Speaker 1: lucky that they just support me and don't expect me 1218 00:53:33,200 --> 00:53:36,680 Speaker 1: to live a traditional life. They never have. So glad 1219 00:53:36,680 --> 00:53:38,319 Speaker 1: that my brother has chosen to have children, have a 1220 00:53:38,320 --> 00:53:41,440 Speaker 1: brand new baby nephew named Jay, and more to come hopefully, 1221 00:53:41,680 --> 00:53:44,479 Speaker 1: so they're going to get their their grandkids. But I've 1222 00:53:44,480 --> 00:53:46,879 Speaker 1: never felt an ounce of pressure from them to do 1223 00:53:46,960 --> 00:53:51,480 Speaker 1: anything besides be myself, and luckily I have achieved success 1224 00:53:51,600 --> 00:53:54,759 Speaker 1: and I can show them them letting me fly was 1225 00:53:54,840 --> 00:53:57,560 Speaker 1: not for nothing, so that's never been an issue. I 1226 00:53:57,600 --> 00:54:02,239 Speaker 1: think I just am a confident person and I am 1227 00:54:02,320 --> 00:54:05,880 Speaker 1: steadfast in my decisions. No one ever really throws me 1228 00:54:05,960 --> 00:54:09,160 Speaker 1: shade or makes me feel uncomfortable about it. And maybe 1229 00:54:09,200 --> 00:54:12,359 Speaker 1: I just don't pay attention because I don't care, you know, 1230 00:54:12,440 --> 00:54:14,520 Speaker 1: like those little slights of like, well, you might change 1231 00:54:14,520 --> 00:54:16,160 Speaker 1: your mind. It's like, oh my god, shut up. You 1232 00:54:16,160 --> 00:54:18,640 Speaker 1: know when people put those things on you, that's because 1233 00:54:18,680 --> 00:54:21,279 Speaker 1: it's they're feeling some sort of way that you've chosen 1234 00:54:21,280 --> 00:54:23,640 Speaker 1: to make a decision that they have in So I 1235 00:54:23,640 --> 00:54:26,520 Speaker 1: don't let those things bother me. I just know it's 1236 00:54:26,520 --> 00:54:33,000 Speaker 1: a decision that's right for me, and I don't feel 1237 00:54:33,000 --> 00:54:35,120 Speaker 1: like it's a big deal, you know. So it's like 1238 00:54:35,280 --> 00:54:37,239 Speaker 1: that just makes it me easier to flow through the 1239 00:54:37,280 --> 00:54:39,680 Speaker 1: world with this decision. But I feel for people that 1240 00:54:40,239 --> 00:54:42,359 Speaker 1: are struggling with it, whatever it may be, And those 1241 00:54:42,400 --> 00:54:45,759 Speaker 1: are just conversations that you have to open communication and 1242 00:54:45,800 --> 00:54:47,520 Speaker 1: conversations you have to have. We're so lucky to have 1243 00:54:47,520 --> 00:54:50,400 Speaker 1: so many different resources today with podcasts, internet, books of 1244 00:54:50,560 --> 00:54:52,600 Speaker 1: how to even the language to use when it comes 1245 00:54:52,600 --> 00:54:53,880 Speaker 1: to this type of thing, and you can sit and 1246 00:54:53,920 --> 00:54:57,799 Speaker 1: rehearse it if you need to. Potential partners. Again, it's 1247 00:54:58,920 --> 00:55:02,640 Speaker 1: just something that I feel comfortable sharing. Um, I wouldn't 1248 00:55:02,640 --> 00:55:04,640 Speaker 1: want to get down a road with somebody where I 1249 00:55:04,680 --> 00:55:06,839 Speaker 1: felt like things were getting serious and hadn't come up, 1250 00:55:06,920 --> 00:55:09,359 Speaker 1: because I wouldn't even probably start to date somebody if 1251 00:55:09,360 --> 00:55:12,960 Speaker 1: I knew they really wanted a family. So that's been 1252 00:55:14,120 --> 00:55:15,600 Speaker 1: It was like a fear of mine that I would 1253 00:55:15,640 --> 00:55:17,840 Speaker 1: find somebody that I really felt for that really wanted 1254 00:55:17,880 --> 00:55:21,120 Speaker 1: a family, and it hasn't happened. Jed and I've dated 1255 00:55:21,160 --> 00:55:23,919 Speaker 1: guys that either didn't want children as well or could 1256 00:55:24,000 --> 00:55:25,920 Speaker 1: go either way, and it wasn't really something that was 1257 00:55:25,920 --> 00:55:28,480 Speaker 1: so important to them. So I am fine if it 1258 00:55:28,480 --> 00:55:31,520 Speaker 1: comes up date one. Yeah, it comes out sometimes if 1259 00:55:31,520 --> 00:55:34,560 Speaker 1: it's in a conversation. It's been part of someone tried 1260 00:55:34,600 --> 00:55:36,040 Speaker 1: to insult me one saying it was part of my 1261 00:55:36,040 --> 00:55:39,960 Speaker 1: personality at this point. Yeah, it is. So it's like 1262 00:55:40,400 --> 00:55:43,319 Speaker 1: it comes up, and if I'm asked, I'm open about it. 1263 00:55:43,400 --> 00:55:46,480 Speaker 1: So I think these things you just have to own them. Yeah, 1264 00:55:46,840 --> 00:55:51,560 Speaker 1: you know, like that's just what it is, you know, 1265 00:55:52,680 --> 00:55:56,680 Speaker 1: seeing so many more women chair that they don't want to. Yeah, 1266 00:55:56,760 --> 00:55:59,240 Speaker 1: it's not you know, we're out there. Absolutely. I always 1267 00:55:59,280 --> 00:56:01,359 Speaker 1: think it's funny when people say, like, you'll change your mind. 1268 00:56:01,360 --> 00:56:02,880 Speaker 1: It's like when you tell me you want kids, I 1269 00:56:02,880 --> 00:56:05,800 Speaker 1: don't tell you to change the mind. It's so funny 1270 00:56:05,800 --> 00:56:07,840 Speaker 1: to me. And we did this episode and it was 1271 00:56:07,880 --> 00:56:10,520 Speaker 1: really so beautiful and we tried really hard to not 1272 00:56:10,760 --> 00:56:13,120 Speaker 1: judge anybody's decisions because we don't. We don't care. If 1273 00:56:13,120 --> 00:56:14,759 Speaker 1: you want to be a mom, that's amazing. If you don't, 1274 00:56:14,960 --> 00:56:17,440 Speaker 1: then don't be a mom. Um. But the amount of 1275 00:56:17,440 --> 00:56:19,440 Speaker 1: people that wrote us and said I grew up never 1276 00:56:19,480 --> 00:56:21,319 Speaker 1: knowing I had a choice, I thought this was a 1277 00:56:21,360 --> 00:56:23,920 Speaker 1: foregone conclusion. I'm one of those people as well, just 1278 00:56:23,920 --> 00:56:25,600 Speaker 1: always thought like, well, of course a lot of kids. 1279 00:56:25,600 --> 00:56:28,279 Speaker 1: Everybody has kids, you know. So many mothers wrote us 1280 00:56:28,320 --> 00:56:30,960 Speaker 1: and said like, I love my kids, but I don't 1281 00:56:31,000 --> 00:56:32,520 Speaker 1: know that I would have chosen this if I knew 1282 00:56:32,840 --> 00:56:36,080 Speaker 1: that I could have had another options we got were heartbreaking. 1283 00:56:36,320 --> 00:56:39,880 Speaker 1: Yeah for mothers. Yeah, then we're like, I don't think 1284 00:56:39,880 --> 00:56:41,640 Speaker 1: I should have had kids, you know when that, like 1285 00:56:41,719 --> 00:56:43,799 Speaker 1: Rana said, I love my kids, but we were like whoa, 1286 00:56:44,160 --> 00:56:48,040 Speaker 1: Like yeah, yeah. People felt like it was a safe 1287 00:56:48,080 --> 00:56:50,920 Speaker 1: space to share the type of guilt that they feel. 1288 00:56:51,120 --> 00:56:53,600 Speaker 1: It's not a big community that exists that you can 1289 00:56:53,600 --> 00:56:56,920 Speaker 1: tell your other mom friends like I hate this, you know, 1290 00:56:57,040 --> 00:56:58,839 Speaker 1: and I can't really because I'm not a mother. I'm 1291 00:56:58,840 --> 00:57:00,799 Speaker 1: not in these mom forums. But I know that there's 1292 00:57:00,800 --> 00:57:04,000 Speaker 1: a lot of judgment, you know, I'm sure it's not 1293 00:57:04,000 --> 00:57:06,840 Speaker 1: a very popular thing to say, like I made a mistake. 1294 00:57:07,480 --> 00:57:10,080 Speaker 1: You know. Um, it's a huge decision to make, and 1295 00:57:10,160 --> 00:57:12,640 Speaker 1: to each their own, it's not necessarily a decision I'm 1296 00:57:12,719 --> 00:57:15,359 Speaker 1: gonna make, um, But yeah, it was. It was hard 1297 00:57:15,400 --> 00:57:16,880 Speaker 1: to see a lot of people say, you know, I 1298 00:57:17,080 --> 00:57:18,600 Speaker 1: just didn't know. I didn't know that I could make 1299 00:57:18,600 --> 00:57:21,760 Speaker 1: another decision. And there's been so much writing, especially since COVID, 1300 00:57:21,840 --> 00:57:24,560 Speaker 1: that so many women are foregoing having children, and I 1301 00:57:25,000 --> 00:57:27,320 Speaker 1: love that, like we can talk about this now and 1302 00:57:27,360 --> 00:57:29,959 Speaker 1: it's not so taboo. And I remember when I told 1303 00:57:29,960 --> 00:57:31,560 Speaker 1: my mom I didn't think I wanted to have kids. 1304 00:57:31,560 --> 00:57:34,640 Speaker 1: I'm not at one hundred percent like Ashley is, but um, 1305 00:57:34,680 --> 00:57:38,800 Speaker 1: I'm aging out of kids. So you're not freezing your eggs. 1306 00:57:39,080 --> 00:57:41,520 Speaker 1: I'm not freezing any eggs. I told my mom I 1307 00:57:41,520 --> 00:57:42,920 Speaker 1: didn't think I wanted to have kids, and it was 1308 00:57:42,960 --> 00:57:46,240 Speaker 1: a really bad situation, and I don't think I think 1309 00:57:46,280 --> 00:57:49,680 Speaker 1: I approached it really flippantly and I insulted her choice 1310 00:57:49,720 --> 00:57:51,760 Speaker 1: to have children, and I think I said something like, well, 1311 00:57:51,760 --> 00:57:53,320 Speaker 1: I don't need to have kids to make my life 1312 00:57:53,320 --> 00:57:55,720 Speaker 1: mean something, and she was like, you think you think 1313 00:57:55,760 --> 00:57:58,400 Speaker 1: my life didn't mean anything without you like, you know, so, 1314 00:57:58,480 --> 00:58:00,280 Speaker 1: I think that I was kind of hurtful in my 1315 00:58:00,320 --> 00:58:02,320 Speaker 1: words and I didn't think about it, and I was 1316 00:58:02,320 --> 00:58:04,000 Speaker 1: just like, what's the difference. My life means a lot 1317 00:58:04,040 --> 00:58:05,760 Speaker 1: to a lot of people. And she was like, so, 1318 00:58:05,840 --> 00:58:07,800 Speaker 1: I think that you do have to you know, tread 1319 00:58:07,880 --> 00:58:12,640 Speaker 1: lightly with family and also sharing that yeah, no, yeah, 1320 00:58:12,760 --> 00:58:16,160 Speaker 1: ultimately going to approach it with compassion. Yeah. I did 1321 00:58:16,160 --> 00:58:18,320 Speaker 1: not choose my words while it was a really bad 1322 00:58:18,360 --> 00:58:21,440 Speaker 1: fight because I insulted her choices in life. And my 1323 00:58:21,480 --> 00:58:23,960 Speaker 1: mom accepts anything. Our parents were really lucky. Our parents 1324 00:58:24,000 --> 00:58:26,960 Speaker 1: just accept whatever we do. But I think that you 1325 00:58:27,040 --> 00:58:29,080 Speaker 1: just tread a little bit lightly. And you know, my 1326 00:58:29,120 --> 00:58:31,040 Speaker 1: mom wasn't mad that I said I didn't want kids. 1327 00:58:31,040 --> 00:58:33,800 Speaker 1: She was mad at my delivery about it. Yeah. That's 1328 00:58:33,880 --> 00:58:36,320 Speaker 1: such a great point. I mean, I think so often 1329 00:58:36,360 --> 00:58:38,680 Speaker 1: you could be making a really good decision for yourself. 1330 00:58:39,360 --> 00:58:42,720 Speaker 1: But it's what you just said. It's reflected and projected 1331 00:58:42,760 --> 00:58:45,840 Speaker 1: in a way onto our insecurity about them, or a 1332 00:58:45,880 --> 00:58:47,800 Speaker 1: flow we see in them, or a challenge in them. 1333 00:58:47,840 --> 00:58:50,400 Speaker 1: And I love that you brought that point out because 1334 00:58:50,880 --> 00:58:53,480 Speaker 1: I think it's so important to communicate and say it 1335 00:58:53,480 --> 00:58:55,720 Speaker 1: because it's for us, right it's about you. It's about 1336 00:58:55,720 --> 00:58:58,160 Speaker 1: you as the individual. Even the way you were saying Ashley, 1337 00:58:58,200 --> 00:59:00,720 Speaker 1: I think there's so much strength encourage when you're like, 1338 00:59:00,720 --> 00:59:03,560 Speaker 1: this is my decision. I'm owning it and I'm dealing 1339 00:59:03,640 --> 00:59:05,440 Speaker 1: with it and how it reflects on me. But thank 1340 00:59:05,480 --> 00:59:07,480 Speaker 1: you for opening up and sharing that, because oh yeah, 1341 00:59:07,480 --> 00:59:10,280 Speaker 1: people love this topic with us. And it really was 1342 00:59:10,280 --> 00:59:13,040 Speaker 1: actually approach the topic originally, but my mom it was 1343 00:59:13,160 --> 00:59:14,760 Speaker 1: she was just sort of like, oh, you think you're 1344 00:59:14,800 --> 00:59:17,240 Speaker 1: so successful you don't need kids, but I needed them. 1345 00:59:17,320 --> 00:59:19,680 Speaker 1: You know. It came off not very nice. Yeah, so, 1346 00:59:19,960 --> 00:59:24,360 Speaker 1: but I will say having a new nephew, I get it. 1347 00:59:24,360 --> 00:59:26,760 Speaker 1: It doesn't make me one kids, but I feel different 1348 00:59:27,040 --> 00:59:29,640 Speaker 1: down the inside, Like the love that I have for 1349 00:59:29,800 --> 00:59:32,200 Speaker 1: this baby is like I can't I could like cry 1350 00:59:32,280 --> 00:59:34,600 Speaker 1: right now. Just was I miss them so actively every day? 1351 00:59:34,680 --> 00:59:36,680 Speaker 1: Like it did not make me want to have children. 1352 00:59:36,680 --> 00:59:39,080 Speaker 1: Would be very clear. It's still no part of it 1353 00:59:39,160 --> 00:59:41,760 Speaker 1: I'm interested in, but it's like made me understand it 1354 00:59:41,800 --> 00:59:45,200 Speaker 1: more or something where I'm like, yeah, I really I 1355 00:59:45,240 --> 00:59:47,439 Speaker 1: get it, y'all. And those I feel for you even 1356 00:59:47,440 --> 00:59:48,960 Speaker 1: more that are kind of struggling with this in the 1357 00:59:48,960 --> 00:59:51,920 Speaker 1: first place because it's really beautiful. It made me want 1358 00:59:51,960 --> 00:59:53,960 Speaker 1: them and not want them. I'll tell you why. He's 1359 00:59:54,000 --> 00:59:56,680 Speaker 1: the cutest. He just brings so much love to the 1360 00:59:56,800 --> 00:59:59,160 Speaker 1: room and everyone. It just brings everyone together in such 1361 00:59:59,200 --> 01:00:02,880 Speaker 1: a beautiful wh Your sister in law, like it's around 1362 01:00:02,920 --> 01:00:05,040 Speaker 1: the clock. I see how hard she works to just 1363 01:00:05,320 --> 01:00:07,360 Speaker 1: you know, be a great mother. And christ dinner and 1364 01:00:07,680 --> 01:00:09,480 Speaker 1: she cooked this great Christmas dinner and then she had 1365 01:00:09,520 --> 01:00:11,840 Speaker 1: to go upstairs and feeling and eat this dinner. And 1366 01:00:11,880 --> 01:00:15,360 Speaker 1: I was like, I don't want that nightmare last to eat. 1367 01:00:16,560 --> 01:00:19,560 Speaker 1: And I cooked it and paid for it no thing. 1368 01:00:20,800 --> 01:00:23,200 Speaker 1: So she is such a good mom. And I think 1369 01:00:23,280 --> 01:00:26,040 Speaker 1: sometimes good parenting is looking at that and going I 1370 01:00:26,040 --> 01:00:28,720 Speaker 1: wouldn't be good at that, and I'm not gonna do that. 1371 01:00:29,320 --> 01:00:31,560 Speaker 1: I don't want to be bothered. Okay, I'm eating first. 1372 01:00:31,800 --> 01:00:33,160 Speaker 1: That's what it is. Right when you're looking at the 1373 01:00:33,160 --> 01:00:36,000 Speaker 1: baby for two hours a day, it's very different than yeah, 1374 01:00:36,040 --> 01:00:37,440 Speaker 1: being with the baby. I will say, I want to 1375 01:00:37,440 --> 01:00:39,120 Speaker 1: tell you this. I just feel like you'll appreciate it. 1376 01:00:39,160 --> 01:00:41,080 Speaker 1: Is that we talked about this on the episode of 1377 01:00:41,120 --> 01:00:42,880 Speaker 1: Like there's this tiny thing in the back of your 1378 01:00:42,920 --> 01:00:44,800 Speaker 1: head that you just don't want to die alone. You 1379 01:00:44,880 --> 01:00:48,000 Speaker 1: know like you may not be with your spouse if 1380 01:00:48,040 --> 01:00:50,040 Speaker 1: you ever got married, or your friends could be dead, 1381 01:00:50,160 --> 01:00:52,480 Speaker 1: or you won't have your parents anymore, like your family, 1382 01:00:52,800 --> 01:00:55,240 Speaker 1: your immediate family has gone, and so there's that little 1383 01:00:55,240 --> 01:00:56,520 Speaker 1: thing in the back of your head that you know. 1384 01:00:56,560 --> 01:00:59,040 Speaker 1: For me, it's like I watched my mom tend to 1385 01:00:59,080 --> 01:01:00,920 Speaker 1: my grandmother when she is dying, and we all had 1386 01:01:00,920 --> 01:01:03,800 Speaker 1: a very close relationship, and it's like what happens when 1387 01:01:03,840 --> 01:01:06,440 Speaker 1: I'm in my grandmother's place, or when I'm dying, or 1388 01:01:06,440 --> 01:01:08,800 Speaker 1: I'm in hospice or I'm sick or whatever, And so 1389 01:01:09,480 --> 01:01:11,240 Speaker 1: it doesn't make me want to do it, but there 1390 01:01:11,320 --> 01:01:12,680 Speaker 1: is that thing, at least in my head, and I 1391 01:01:12,680 --> 01:01:15,680 Speaker 1: think in other people's too. And we did this episode 1392 01:01:15,680 --> 01:01:18,080 Speaker 1: and we got this maybe I shouldn't have brought this up. 1393 01:01:18,480 --> 01:01:21,440 Speaker 1: We got this email from this hospice nurse and she 1394 01:01:21,760 --> 01:01:23,800 Speaker 1: was like, I, your fears are so valid, but like, 1395 01:01:23,880 --> 01:01:25,760 Speaker 1: I just want to tell you too that you will 1396 01:01:25,800 --> 01:01:27,960 Speaker 1: have people with you at the end and you've built 1397 01:01:27,960 --> 01:01:30,040 Speaker 1: this life for yourselves and you'll be surrounded by people 1398 01:01:30,080 --> 01:01:32,880 Speaker 1: that you love. And it took me out, like I 1399 01:01:32,960 --> 01:01:36,440 Speaker 1: was like, what a beautiful message to ease those fears 1400 01:01:36,520 --> 01:01:39,800 Speaker 1: and that you will have people around you and you 1401 01:01:39,800 --> 01:01:42,320 Speaker 1: will be surrounded by love in your final days. Like 1402 01:01:42,400 --> 01:01:45,240 Speaker 1: morbid as that sounds, but it was really nice to 1403 01:01:45,280 --> 01:01:49,080 Speaker 1: hear from someone who witnesses those things happen every day. Yeah, 1404 01:01:49,120 --> 01:01:51,240 Speaker 1: and the really the greatest gift of this podcast is 1405 01:01:51,640 --> 01:01:53,720 Speaker 1: it has given me better friends, given Ashley and I 1406 01:01:53,920 --> 01:01:56,800 Speaker 1: a reason to travel and tour and reconnect with friends 1407 01:01:56,800 --> 01:01:59,640 Speaker 1: from college and high school. And it's made my relationship 1408 01:01:59,680 --> 01:02:02,840 Speaker 1: with my parents better, my brother, it just it's made 1409 01:02:02,840 --> 01:02:05,920 Speaker 1: me a better person. And I think about her daughter, sister, friend, 1410 01:02:05,960 --> 01:02:08,280 Speaker 1: all of that. So that's such a gift. And now, yes, 1411 01:02:08,360 --> 01:02:10,120 Speaker 1: I know I'll be surrounded by people because I've used 1412 01:02:10,160 --> 01:02:13,160 Speaker 1: this podcast is therapy for myself. And we get to 1413 01:02:13,160 --> 01:02:16,960 Speaker 1: interview people like you, our listeners. Yeah, they're at the end. 1414 01:02:18,560 --> 01:02:24,400 Speaker 1: I'll do a live stream. Yeah, I'm gonna stream my dad. Okay, 1415 01:02:24,720 --> 01:02:28,720 Speaker 1: people can call in. Well, I'll be a lot of 1416 01:02:28,760 --> 01:02:30,440 Speaker 1: feed like in the zoo or you watch the penguins 1417 01:02:31,440 --> 01:02:37,400 Speaker 1: at the hospital. Yeah, anyway, No, thank you for taking today. 1418 01:02:37,440 --> 01:02:40,800 Speaker 1: I mean, honestly, I can tell why people are addicted 1419 01:02:40,880 --> 01:02:45,280 Speaker 1: listening to you both. It's very addictive, it's contagious, it's 1420 01:02:45,600 --> 01:02:49,840 Speaker 1: it's amazing energy. I fully agree that whoever you decided 1421 01:02:49,840 --> 01:02:51,600 Speaker 1: to choose to be with and your chooses to be with, 1422 01:02:51,600 --> 01:02:53,440 Speaker 1: both of you are going to have such a great relationship. 1423 01:02:53,480 --> 01:02:56,600 Speaker 1: Think I've such a great time, just just love spending 1424 01:02:56,600 --> 01:02:59,960 Speaker 1: this time with you. And even to hear how reflective 1425 01:03:00,080 --> 01:03:02,520 Speaker 1: than thoughtful and how deep and just the amount of 1426 01:03:02,560 --> 01:03:05,720 Speaker 1: self work that you've both done is unbelievable. And to 1427 01:03:05,760 --> 01:03:08,600 Speaker 1: see it in display in this way is is really inspiring. 1428 01:03:08,600 --> 01:03:10,200 Speaker 1: And I hope that everyone who's listening on watching can 1429 01:03:10,200 --> 01:03:13,000 Speaker 1: see that you can have fun and think deeply at 1430 01:03:13,000 --> 01:03:15,920 Speaker 1: the same time, which is which is important because I 1431 01:03:15,920 --> 01:03:18,280 Speaker 1: think there's this belief that like, oh, you can just 1432 01:03:18,320 --> 01:03:20,120 Speaker 1: be silly and stupid, or you can be really thoughtful 1433 01:03:20,160 --> 01:03:23,280 Speaker 1: and reflective, and I think you both walk that path 1434 01:03:23,360 --> 01:03:26,280 Speaker 1: really wonderfully. So that really means the world, you know, 1435 01:03:26,640 --> 01:03:29,840 Speaker 1: it really does, because it's like people are dynamic, and 1436 01:03:29,880 --> 01:03:32,160 Speaker 1: you can go on stage and do all the stuff 1437 01:03:32,200 --> 01:03:33,400 Speaker 1: and at the end of the day still be like 1438 01:03:33,400 --> 01:03:37,320 Speaker 1: an intelligent person with depth and you can have conversations 1439 01:03:37,320 --> 01:03:40,040 Speaker 1: like this. So I really appreciate that really means a lot. 1440 01:03:40,080 --> 01:03:41,720 Speaker 1: We'd try to make our show like that. That's we 1441 01:03:41,760 --> 01:03:44,080 Speaker 1: call it a comedy show about dating and relationships, and 1442 01:03:44,440 --> 01:03:47,439 Speaker 1: we've done really wild episodes with porn stars, but we've 1443 01:03:47,440 --> 01:03:50,680 Speaker 1: talked about sexual assault and abortion and really heavy stuff. 1444 01:03:50,720 --> 01:03:52,600 Speaker 1: So we're really proud of that. We hope that I 1445 01:03:52,640 --> 01:03:55,520 Speaker 1: came across, So thank you for saying yeaheah, definitely, No, definitely, 1446 01:03:55,720 --> 01:03:57,360 Speaker 1: I'm hoping this will be the first of many. So 1447 01:03:58,160 --> 01:04:00,680 Speaker 1: today's Today's a good intro for anyone who doesn't already 1448 01:04:00,720 --> 01:04:02,800 Speaker 1: love you and follow you. But we end every episode 1449 01:04:02,800 --> 01:04:05,600 Speaker 1: with the final five, and so I'm gonna have to 1450 01:04:05,600 --> 01:04:07,160 Speaker 1: ask you, but you can decide who goes first. I 1451 01:04:07,200 --> 01:04:10,080 Speaker 1: don't wind, but you will have to answer the same questions. Okay, 1452 01:04:10,120 --> 01:04:14,640 Speaker 1: so question number one, what is the best relationship advice 1453 01:04:14,640 --> 01:04:17,400 Speaker 1: you've ever heard, received, or given? So I think the 1454 01:04:17,440 --> 01:04:19,600 Speaker 1: best relationship advice we've heard, or I can give it 1455 01:04:19,720 --> 01:04:22,800 Speaker 1: one of one sence. Yeah, this is going to sound counterintuitive, 1456 01:04:22,840 --> 01:04:24,320 Speaker 1: but the thing that's going to make you the best 1457 01:04:24,320 --> 01:04:26,240 Speaker 1: partner is building a life for yourself that you are 1458 01:04:26,320 --> 01:04:29,480 Speaker 1: proud of. That is our that's our whole show's montra, 1459 01:04:30,440 --> 01:04:32,600 Speaker 1: it's yours, it's yours right now, own it. It's actually 1460 01:04:32,600 --> 01:04:36,280 Speaker 1: has to come up with their own one. Now, actually 1461 01:04:37,760 --> 01:04:40,280 Speaker 1: watch that clip. Make a list of the person you 1462 01:04:40,280 --> 01:04:45,360 Speaker 1: want and be that person. No, I think it, but 1463 01:04:45,400 --> 01:04:47,200 Speaker 1: that's what I think will make you the perfect partner 1464 01:04:47,240 --> 01:04:49,840 Speaker 1: and the best version of yourself you built. You've already won, 1465 01:04:49,880 --> 01:04:53,360 Speaker 1: You've already won the second place to fine, I mean 1466 01:04:53,400 --> 01:04:57,320 Speaker 1: listen again. It might sound counterintuitive to like manifesting and visualizing, 1467 01:04:57,360 --> 01:04:59,480 Speaker 1: but I really do stand by it might not look 1468 01:04:59,480 --> 01:05:00,720 Speaker 1: like what we thought was going to look like. I 1469 01:05:00,840 --> 01:05:04,920 Speaker 1: love that anything you know, your life, but your relationship. 1470 01:05:05,600 --> 01:05:10,240 Speaker 1: Just relax, just chill, I'm not even so heavy. Just relax, 1471 01:05:12,320 --> 01:05:15,960 Speaker 1: all right. Second question, what's the worst relationship advice you've 1472 01:05:15,960 --> 01:05:19,200 Speaker 1: ever heard, received or given? Change yourself defend to somebody 1473 01:05:19,200 --> 01:05:22,920 Speaker 1: else's life right now with The quick answer is absolutely 1474 01:05:23,160 --> 01:05:25,760 Speaker 1: just stupid stuff like don't sleep with someone up to 1475 01:05:25,880 --> 01:05:29,640 Speaker 1: like fourteen dates rules. Yeah, any rules like we just 1476 01:05:29,680 --> 01:05:33,120 Speaker 1: really try to. I think sex rules. I think it's 1477 01:05:33,200 --> 01:05:35,680 Speaker 1: crazy and we have like I'm not saying you should 1478 01:05:35,680 --> 01:05:37,160 Speaker 1: always sleep with them on the first I mean I 1479 01:05:37,200 --> 01:05:41,760 Speaker 1: just think those things like bog you down. Question number three, 1480 01:05:42,040 --> 01:05:44,280 Speaker 1: what's something you used to value in relationships that you 1481 01:05:44,320 --> 01:05:46,880 Speaker 1: don't anymore? I mean, I guess you don't need to 1482 01:05:46,960 --> 01:05:54,320 Speaker 1: play a d one or pro sport that I only 1483 01:05:54,400 --> 01:05:56,160 Speaker 1: used to want to be with athletes. You don't have 1484 01:05:56,200 --> 01:06:00,920 Speaker 1: to be an athlete, Okay, got it. I don't know. 1485 01:06:00,960 --> 01:06:02,400 Speaker 1: I feel like I just keep adding to that because 1486 01:06:02,640 --> 01:06:04,800 Speaker 1: the bar started so low. It was just like do 1487 01:06:04,840 --> 01:06:09,080 Speaker 1: you have a pulse? No, I don't value anymore because 1488 01:06:09,120 --> 01:06:11,160 Speaker 1: I was never one of those girls. Was like a 1489 01:06:10,880 --> 01:06:12,880 Speaker 1: day guy with money and finance, Like I wasn't one 1490 01:06:12,880 --> 01:06:15,800 Speaker 1: of those people. Like it's really it's gone backwards for me. 1491 01:06:15,920 --> 01:06:18,760 Speaker 1: It's just you don't have to be a pro. Yeah, 1492 01:06:18,800 --> 01:06:20,840 Speaker 1: I just had the bar was so low before, so 1493 01:06:21,000 --> 01:06:26,680 Speaker 1: nothing just keep adding question Numberfore, what's one episode on 1494 01:06:26,680 --> 01:06:29,320 Speaker 1: your podcast that you'd love everyone to listen to? Oh, 1495 01:06:29,600 --> 01:06:32,240 Speaker 1: it's just what are you looking for for this community? 1496 01:06:32,240 --> 01:06:35,640 Speaker 1: For this? I liked this episode we did called You're 1497 01:06:35,680 --> 01:06:37,600 Speaker 1: Not the One because I feel like it goes in 1498 01:06:38,280 --> 01:06:40,760 Speaker 1: cannon with this today and it's just about breaking up 1499 01:06:40,760 --> 01:06:44,080 Speaker 1: with those people that are not the one. Yeah. Um. 1500 01:06:44,160 --> 01:06:46,440 Speaker 1: We did do an episode with Lane Moore um in 1501 01:06:46,440 --> 01:06:48,120 Speaker 1: the New year about um, what do we what do 1502 01:06:48,160 --> 01:06:49,960 Speaker 1: we call it's not being how to be alone? How 1503 01:06:50,000 --> 01:06:52,840 Speaker 1: to be alone? Along that line last year twenty twenty two, 1504 01:06:52,840 --> 01:06:54,200 Speaker 1: and we're going to talk to you about that on 1505 01:06:54,240 --> 01:06:56,960 Speaker 1: our show as glum. But yeah, I mean so much 1506 01:06:56,960 --> 01:06:58,840 Speaker 1: of this is just checking with yourself being a good 1507 01:06:58,920 --> 01:07:02,120 Speaker 1: version of yourself. We did do a relationship with Lori Gottlieb, 1508 01:07:02,160 --> 01:07:05,720 Speaker 1: who's a psychotherapist about Yeah, we love her, she's been twice. 1509 01:07:05,960 --> 01:07:07,680 Speaker 1: Both the episodes with her were great, but we did 1510 01:07:07,720 --> 01:07:11,360 Speaker 1: wanted to fall about strengthening your relationship mother daughter relationships. 1511 01:07:11,440 --> 01:07:14,720 Speaker 1: It's applicable to any parent relationship, but it really, I 1512 01:07:14,760 --> 01:07:16,480 Speaker 1: think helped a lot of people. So if you're looking 1513 01:07:16,480 --> 01:07:18,360 Speaker 1: for anything like that, I think it's really special. And 1514 01:07:18,400 --> 01:07:20,440 Speaker 1: everything's on our website every one episode we've ever done. 1515 01:07:20,440 --> 01:07:22,640 Speaker 1: You go to girls scotta dot com. fIF the final question, 1516 01:07:22,640 --> 01:07:25,040 Speaker 1: what's your biggest piece of relationship advice for each other 1517 01:07:25,320 --> 01:07:27,760 Speaker 1: this year twenty twenty three. I feel like my piece 1518 01:07:27,800 --> 01:07:30,320 Speaker 1: of advice for Raina has always been about the same 1519 01:07:30,360 --> 01:07:33,160 Speaker 1: and it's just don't go down the road with people 1520 01:07:33,200 --> 01:07:35,520 Speaker 1: that are not emotionally available and wouldn't be a good match. 1521 01:07:35,560 --> 01:07:37,360 Speaker 1: And I feel like I can sometimes see it on 1522 01:07:37,440 --> 01:07:39,640 Speaker 1: answer more than one sense, but I can kind of 1523 01:07:39,640 --> 01:07:41,600 Speaker 1: sometimes see that when she can because she's in it, 1524 01:07:41,640 --> 01:07:43,960 Speaker 1: and so I just would continue on that road if 1525 01:07:44,000 --> 01:07:47,120 Speaker 1: like pick partners. That makes sense, Um, I think for 1526 01:07:47,240 --> 01:07:50,160 Speaker 1: you because you just in the past and just said 1527 01:07:50,200 --> 01:07:51,680 Speaker 1: I don't care about being a relationship this year. Just 1528 01:07:51,720 --> 01:07:54,720 Speaker 1: to prioritize it this year and to just give yourself 1529 01:07:54,760 --> 01:07:57,000 Speaker 1: some grace that you don't need to work seven days 1530 01:07:57,000 --> 01:07:58,960 Speaker 1: a week and you don't need to work at ten pm, 1531 01:07:59,480 --> 01:08:02,040 Speaker 1: and like you're allowed to take days off, and you're 1532 01:08:02,080 --> 01:08:04,440 Speaker 1: allowed to prioritize yourself and just be in the moment 1533 01:08:04,480 --> 01:08:06,880 Speaker 1: and be happy, and you don't need to just be 1534 01:08:07,000 --> 01:08:10,480 Speaker 1: working all the time. You're allowed, perfession to stop working. 1535 01:08:11,560 --> 01:08:14,680 Speaker 1: Love it. When she told me, actually, you run the company, 1536 01:08:14,720 --> 01:08:16,680 Speaker 1: you don't work today, and I was like, what, I 1537 01:08:16,720 --> 01:08:20,360 Speaker 1: don't reminder this company? She was like, I feel really stressed. Yeah, 1538 01:08:20,360 --> 01:08:22,559 Speaker 1: I really backed down. I was like, we own the company. 1539 01:08:22,720 --> 01:08:25,680 Speaker 1: You could take the day. But I think that you know, 1540 01:08:26,240 --> 01:08:28,080 Speaker 1: she has a really full life, as do I, but 1541 01:08:28,360 --> 01:08:29,960 Speaker 1: just talking about her, she has a really full life 1542 01:08:29,960 --> 01:08:32,120 Speaker 1: and all these friends, and she works really hard, and 1543 01:08:32,120 --> 01:08:33,519 Speaker 1: so it can be easy to be like, I don't 1544 01:08:33,560 --> 01:08:36,320 Speaker 1: have anything left in the tank today. So you you 1545 01:08:36,320 --> 01:08:38,080 Speaker 1: your intention is to date, so I think you should 1546 01:08:38,080 --> 01:08:41,400 Speaker 1: do it. I'm trying to energetically make space beautiful. I 1547 01:08:41,479 --> 01:08:44,720 Speaker 1: love that, Rna. Actually, this has been so fun to 1548 01:08:44,720 --> 01:08:46,719 Speaker 1: talk to you. Everyone has been listening and watching. Wherever 1549 01:08:46,760 --> 01:08:49,080 Speaker 1: you are, make sure you tag Rna, Ashley and me 1550 01:08:49,240 --> 01:08:52,639 Speaker 1: with your biggest insights, takeaways, tips, moments that made you laugh, allowed, 1551 01:08:52,680 --> 01:08:55,599 Speaker 1: whatever worked for you, and stuff that you're practicing trying 1552 01:08:55,600 --> 01:08:57,920 Speaker 1: out this year as well, And make sure that you 1553 01:08:58,000 --> 01:08:59,920 Speaker 1: go and listen to and subscribe to Girls Got to 1554 01:09:00,040 --> 01:09:02,200 Speaker 1: Eat as well if you want more of Raina and 1555 01:09:02,240 --> 01:09:04,880 Speaker 1: Ashually in your life. Raina actually, thank you so much 1556 01:09:04,920 --> 01:09:08,280 Speaker 1: for the opportunity, the joy. So grateful to both of you, 1557 01:09:08,360 --> 01:09:11,360 Speaker 1: and thanks for joining on purpose. Thank you, thank you. 1558 01:09:11,640 --> 01:09:14,200 Speaker 1: If you love this episode, you're going to love my 1559 01:09:14,280 --> 01:09:17,720 Speaker 1: conversation with Matthew Hussey on how to get over your 1560 01:09:17,760 --> 01:09:20,720 Speaker 1: ex and find true love in your relationships