Speaker 1: Hello, hey man, what's your name.
Speaker 2: My name's Walter.
Speaker 1: I'm Walter.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm a twenty nine year old male within the
Speaker 2: Northern Idaho.
Speaker 3: A twenty nine year old male living in Northern Idaho. Hot,
Speaker 3: very hot. What's up man, how's it going. What'd you
Speaker 3: want to talk about today?
Speaker 2: Well, I just wanted to tell a little bit in
Speaker 2: my story. Started using drugs around about the age of
Speaker 2: twelve and had some pretty crazy times and got really
Speaker 2: really bad. But I had an awakening. I was probably
Speaker 2: about twenty years old, and I was at this house
Speaker 2: in the best room that they had to offer me
Speaker 2: was a room full of dog shit and dog piss,
Speaker 2: and it was like the middle of winter and there
Speaker 2: was no heating and cold air was like hitting me
Speaker 2: on the face, and I was like laying there high
Speaker 2: and I was just like, oh, yeah, this isn't so bad.
Speaker 2: And then I stayed up for about seven days and
Speaker 2: had a really intense hallucination where I argued with this
Speaker 2: large creature on the side of a wall, and that
Speaker 2: night I decided that I was completely done. Got sober
Speaker 2: within three months. I went to college and now I'm
Speaker 2: working on my master's degree trying to become a professor.
Speaker 2: So I guess I just wanted to share with people
Speaker 2: that you know, it's not impossible to do what you
Speaker 2: want and you're never too late.
Speaker 1: So tell me more about this large creature. What kind
Speaker 1: of creature was it?
Speaker 2: Yeah, So I did a lot of research into that
Speaker 2: because I looked at life from a lot of different perspectives,
Speaker 2: and the closest thing I'd come to was Carl Jung,
Speaker 2: German psychologist. He talked about something called the dark Night
Speaker 2: of the soul and it's something that everybody has inside
Speaker 2: of them and that at one point in time you
Speaker 2: have to confront this dark Night of the soul and
Speaker 2: befriended essentially, because it's not really there to scare you,
Speaker 2: but it's there to help you and you just have
Speaker 2: to learn how to interact with it. So I kind
Speaker 2: of took that away from that interaction and I've been
Speaker 2: living with that ever since.
Speaker 1: So interesting. So you're dark.
Speaker 3: The dark Knight of the soul for you manifested itself
Speaker 3: as a creature on your wall that you argued with.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it was you know, it was death really trying
Speaker 2: to tell me. So, the Dark Knight of the soul
Speaker 2: is your subconscious. So my darkness of soul was telling
Speaker 2: me that, hey, you know this is this has gone
Speaker 2: so very far, and he's like, you know, you just
Speaker 2: you need to stop, like you're going to die very
Speaker 2: very soon if you don't. And I almost died two
Speaker 2: or three times before and I still didn't wake up.
Speaker 2: So that's kind of what it had to come to.
Speaker 3: I guess now, the dark night of the soul, once
Speaker 3: you make peace with it, does it go away or
Speaker 3: do you know, nine years later, still make a stay
Speaker 3: in contact with the dark knight of your soul.
Speaker 2: Yeah? I know, I've definitely made peace with it over time.
Speaker 2: The only trouble that I have sometimes is I take
Speaker 2: some medication for PTSD, and if I get a lack
Speaker 2: of sleep and I'm very stressed, I'll tend to see
Speaker 2: the figure kind of darting through corridors or past doorways,
Speaker 2: or I'll think I'll see it standing in the corner
Speaker 2: of a room, and it's kind of, you know, it's
Speaker 2: kind of there to tell me like, hey, you know
Speaker 2: you're headed in this direction again, maybe you should stop.
Speaker 3: So this is interest because all right, when I think
Speaker 3: of the dark Night of the soul and a creature
Speaker 3: on your wall. It sounds like you and the screen
Speaker 3: like I guess I thought I think of like a
Speaker 3: nefarious being, But it sounds to me like this creature
Speaker 3: is like you guys are. I'll say, it sounds like
Speaker 3: you guys are maybe frenemies, your frenemies with the Dark
Speaker 3: Knight of your soul.
Speaker 2: Well, Carl Jung says that everybody has this inside of them.
Speaker 2: It's something that we all must face it some time.
Speaker 2: And everybody's night looks different. You know, somebody might have
Speaker 2: an eating disorder, or has trouble buying too many Pokemon cards,
Speaker 2: or really loves McDonald's or whatever.
Speaker 4: You know.
Speaker 2: It doesn't have to be an extreme, as you know,
Speaker 2: being a drug addict.
Speaker 3: So that would be crazy if the Dark Knight of
Speaker 3: your Soul was mewtwo and he had to tell you
Speaker 3: to stop buying mewtwoe Pokemon cards.
Speaker 1: So hm hm, So so do you still so?
Speaker 3: When you take medication for your PTSD, occasionally the hallucinations
Speaker 3: will will pop back up, that is correct.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And is that distress for you or is that
Speaker 1: a kind of reminder for you?
Speaker 2: I think it's a little bit of both. I definitely
Speaker 2: feel like I crawled so dark and deep into a
Speaker 2: place that I almost see it as like a scar
Speaker 2: and something that I have to live with for the
Speaker 2: rest of my life. Possibly, So.
Speaker 3: M all right, So I want to hear this because
Speaker 3: you know, you said you wanted to come on and talk.
Speaker 1: About this stuff.
Speaker 3: Uh, sort of as a way of letting people know
Speaker 3: that you know you you can never be too far gone,
Speaker 3: which I actually I think is a really great to
Speaker 3: take away. So tell me you're twenty, You're sleeping in
Speaker 3: dog piss, you have an argument with a creature on
Speaker 3: your wall, and you wake up the next morning and
Speaker 3: you go, Okay, I'm done.
Speaker 1: I'm turning my life around.
Speaker 3: What's the first couple of days of that look like
Speaker 3: for you?
Speaker 2: My mother let me come back to my to my
Speaker 2: childhood house, and I stayed in my room. In the
Speaker 2: first two days, I had these really nasty hallucinations that
Speaker 2: I would see in the glass and in the glass
Speaker 2: that covered my light bulb, and I saw like people
Speaker 2: dancing and pointing at me and laughing. And I guess
Speaker 2: at some point in time, I got a hold of
Speaker 2: a pair of tonail clippers, and I didn't realize that
Speaker 2: I just kept clipping my toenails over and over and
Speaker 2: over again and essentially mutilated my toes. And after about
Speaker 2: a week that kind of died down, and then a
Speaker 2: couple of weeks in I was able to kind of function. Essentially,
Speaker 2: my brain chemistry was pretty out of whack.
Speaker 3: And I guess what would you say it was the
Speaker 3: turning point for you? When was you know, it sounded
Speaker 3: like things had to get a little crazy before they
Speaker 3: got better, Right, what would you say, is the day
Speaker 3: or the moment or even even if there's not a
Speaker 3: day or a moment. And you know, as it typically
Speaker 3: is a gradual process of ups and downs, but do
Speaker 3: you have something that you point to as like, Okay,
Speaker 3: this is this is where we start to go on
Speaker 3: a on a more positive track.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it was just I think I think it was
Speaker 2: just accumulation over time of just a loss of control.
Speaker 2: I really felt that I had absolutely no control over
Speaker 2: my thoughts or my actions or whatever direction I was
Speaker 2: taking in life. And I think it just built up
Speaker 2: over time, you know, Like I said earlier, I even
Speaker 2: I almost died once in front of my mother and
Speaker 2: then once at another person in a car accident, and
Speaker 2: I was still like, ah, no, this is this is okay.
Speaker 2: You know, I'm still living a pretty good life. So yeah,
Speaker 2: so it's kind of interesting, I think, Yeah, I think.
Speaker 2: I don't know. I think I've always believed in some
Speaker 2: sort of supernatural and I want to believe that it's
Speaker 2: out there and trying to help us. So I don't
Speaker 2: know if I was just disregarding everybody else in my
Speaker 2: life and now that I've made some sort of contact
Speaker 2: with an entity that I've been looking for, you know,
Speaker 2: hoping would be real. It's like I wish aliens were real.
Speaker 2: I wish they would just land already.
Speaker 5: Or something stupid like that.
Speaker 2: I've just always been a person that I'm ready for
Speaker 2: the world to be shooken up. Like I don't believe
Speaker 2: it's flattered, But if it's flat, that was pretty cool.
Speaker 1: So you said, if the world were just splat, that
Speaker 1: would be cool.
Speaker 2: No, if the world was flat, Oh, if.
Speaker 1: The world was flat? Yeah? You ever think about that?
Speaker 3: Like, do you does any what is there any part
Speaker 3: of your brain that would accept that idea that the
Speaker 3: Earth is flat?
Speaker 4: Well?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean think if you look back in time,
Speaker 2: you know, people used to think that the world was
Speaker 2: the center of the universe and that people who said
Speaker 2: that wasn't true or said that wasn't true, you know,
Speaker 2: they were prosecuted and some of them were killed. I
Speaker 2: don't know if the world is flat, but if it is,
Speaker 2: I'm like, hell, yeah, you know, fucking twenty twenty four
Speaker 2: will be crazy.
Speaker 3: I'm with not I'm with you on that. I think
Speaker 3: it's always. I think, no matter what it's, it's good
Speaker 3: to keep an open mind. I think it's good to
Speaker 3: keep an open mind to facts. Oh, now I sound
Speaker 3: like one of those podcasters. I think it's good to
Speaker 3: keep an open mind to facts. You know, if someone
Speaker 3: tells you the sky is blue, it it could be orange.
Speaker 1: She gives a shit.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so I want to know this.
Speaker 1: Well, how long you been cleaned for.
Speaker 2: I'm twenty nine, so it's been eight years.
Speaker 3: Nice man, Tell me some of the things that fill
Speaker 3: your life in the places that that drugs used to.
Speaker 2: Oh. I fell deeply into making art, so I'm becoming
Speaker 2: a a professor of fine arts and painting. And I
Speaker 2: spent I spent thousands and thousands of hours drawing and
Speaker 2: painting and making collages and sculptures and printmaking and ceramics,
Speaker 2: and I just let it consume me. When I met
Speaker 2: my wife, I told her that I, uh I had
Speaker 2: a second girlfriend, and she laughed at me, and I
Speaker 2: told her that her name was art and all the
Speaker 2: over time she learned that that was very true.
Speaker 3: Ooh, have you ever I would love to see this
Speaker 3: if you have? Have you ever painted the night of
Speaker 3: you arguing with the creature?
Speaker 2: Uh? No, I've.
Speaker 1: I've always been very afraid too interesting.
Speaker 2: I've made a lot of I've made a lot of
Speaker 2: paintings and some very dark ones, but no, I've never
Speaker 2: been able to paint that.
Speaker 1: Can I ask why I come off.
Speaker 2: As like a pretty normal guy, Like I'm a very
Speaker 2: typical looking, like Idaho guy to wear cowboy booths, that beard,
Speaker 2: I wear short hair jeans, you know. But there's this
Speaker 2: whole other site to me that I guess I just
Speaker 2: don't really feel like sharing with a lot of people
Speaker 2: because I I don't think that they'll understand, and I
Speaker 2: don't really want to take that time to explain interesting.
Speaker 3: So you feel like that painting it would be a
Speaker 3: bit too personal for you to have out there in
Speaker 3: the world.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, it's just well, it's just like would
Speaker 2: a catching attraction. I mean, maybe you know, but I
Speaker 2: mean there's a mod of different types of art where
Speaker 2: people have some sort of spooky creature on the wall
Speaker 2: or behind them. It's been done for thousands of years,
Speaker 2: so it's just kind of like a moment for myself.
Speaker 2: I guess that I don't really have to manifest in
Speaker 2: some sort of physical form.
Speaker 3: See, I'm only asking because when you say that you're
Speaker 3: arguing with a creature on your wall, I'm trying to
Speaker 3: imagine what creature it is. And maybe I'm maybe I'm
Speaker 3: biased to this, but I am imagining it as a
Speaker 3: giant lizard.
Speaker 2: Oh, that's very interesting that you say that. No, I'm
Speaker 2: glad you said that, because, yeah, it takes on a
Speaker 2: part of it is a lizard or a dragon or
Speaker 2: whatever you want to call it. And yeah, there's I mean,
Speaker 2: there's many reasons for that, but that would take an
Speaker 2: hour to explain all that. So yeah, there, your your
Speaker 2: intuition is correct.
Speaker 1: Mm hmm.
Speaker 3: I specifically imagine it looking like Rango. Have you ever
Speaker 3: seen the movie Rango?
Speaker 2: No, not quite like Rango. I mean it would be
Speaker 2: a lot more a lot more comic release as it was.
Speaker 3: So you have a tell me about your family. Now,
Speaker 3: are you still close with your mom and your dad?
Speaker 2: I'm close with my mother. There. I met my father
Speaker 2: last year for the first time, and I spent the
Speaker 2: two months last two months of his life with him.
Speaker 1: So wow, yeah, you met him, and you met him,
Speaker 1: you met him when he was dying.
Speaker 2: That is correct. He reached out to me and I
Speaker 2: got to meet him, and I looked exactly like him
Speaker 2: and we had the same exact likes. So there's definitely
Speaker 2: that nature over nurture thing. It was kind of interesting
Speaker 2: to see because I definitely was a lot like him.
Speaker 1: How did you feel when he reached out to you.
Speaker 2: I was very upset initially, Yeah, I was. I was
Speaker 2: very angry and I wanted to say a lot of
Speaker 2: mean things. But by the time I got there, I
Speaker 2: was kind of all dissipated after seeing him, and you know,
Speaker 2: he was he was very sick.
Speaker 1: Mhm. Do you feel like.
Speaker 3: You had a significant shift in perspective after spending those
Speaker 3: last two months with him, and if so, how would
Speaker 3: you describe that shift.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 2: The biggest shift in perspective I would say is that,
Speaker 2: you know, my mother, who raised me, essentially sent me
Speaker 2: a narrative for very long and I got to see
Speaker 2: the other side of that narrative and kind of saw
Speaker 2: where things overlapped and where things didn't. And so now
Speaker 2: my relationship with my mother is slightly different, not in
Speaker 2: a negative way.
Speaker 4: But.
Speaker 2: I approach her and much more mature in manner. I guess.
Speaker 3: You were saying, and I cut you off because I
Speaker 3: wanted to ask you more about your father, but you
Speaker 3: were saying your mother, your father, and there was something
Speaker 3: else you were going to say.
Speaker 1: I believe, Oh, yeah.
Speaker 2: I just had my well, I had my father, I
Speaker 2: had my mother, and my sister and my grandmother. That's
Speaker 2: feeling family that I have.
Speaker 1: Mm hmm.
Speaker 3: What's what's the deal with the sister and the grandma?
Speaker 3: Are you close with them?
Speaker 2: My grandmother is from she's from Old World Austria, so
Speaker 2: she has a very particular view on the world that's
Speaker 2: not not liked by most. And my sister she's she's whatever.
Speaker 2: She has a lot going on too, she has a
Speaker 2: lot of psychological issues. But yeah, and then my mother,
Speaker 2: she's a psychologist.
Speaker 1: Out of all the things, your mother's a psychologist.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that is correct.
Speaker 3: Yeah, when you when you were a kid, when you
Speaker 3: were twenty, when you were twenty and you said to
Speaker 3: her that you were arguing with a creature on your wall.
Speaker 3: What did she say to you? I guess did she
Speaker 3: have a psycho just point of view on that.
Speaker 2: No, because I've been I've been saying wild things to
Speaker 2: her ever since I was very, very young. It started
Speaker 2: when I was about about like six or seven. I
Speaker 2: used to know sleep at night time, and I would
Speaker 2: stay up all night long, and I was just terrified.
Speaker 2: And I would go downstairs in the middle of the
Speaker 2: night and I would look in the mirror and I
Speaker 2: would touch my face because I couldn't understand what I
Speaker 2: was and I didn't I didn't know what I was
Speaker 2: looking at. So I tried to expect that to my
Speaker 2: mom as a child, and she didn't really understand. And
Speaker 2: as I got older, just more weird things started happening,
Speaker 2: and I just kind of became more withdrawing.
Speaker 1: So how long you've been with your girlfriend for?
Speaker 2: Well, I'm married now. I've been with her for five
Speaker 2: and a half years.
Speaker 1: Oh, your master, she's your wife.
Speaker 2: Yeah, sure, we got married a year and a half ago.
Speaker 3: Maztov, thank you very much. Did you invite the lizard
Speaker 3: creature to the wedding.
Speaker 2: I don't have to invite him. He's always with me.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I bet he would give a hell of a
Speaker 1: best man speech.
Speaker 2: He probably would. He's definitely seen me when most people haven't,
Speaker 2: So I just my wife never has to meet him.
Speaker 3: Are you guys, Are you guys planning on having kids
Speaker 3: or anything like that, Like, what's what is your what
Speaker 3: is your plan for the future.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we would love to have kids, but unfortunately my
Speaker 2: wife can't have kids, and so we have to look
Speaker 2: at the idea of adoption, which cool will probably happen
Speaker 2: in your future.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and you're you are currently a professor of fine art.
Speaker 2: No, I'm getting close. I'm completing my master's degree right now.
Speaker 2: Then the next step is professor.
Speaker 3: Now, when people take your classt's say, I'm a bright eyed,
Speaker 3: soft tongued art student boy and I come into your class. Uh,
Speaker 3: my brain ready to soak in your wisdom. What would
Speaker 3: you say is the the ideology or main idea or
Speaker 3: a thesis that you want to install into people through
Speaker 3: your teaching of the of the arts.
Speaker 2: That's a really good question, Thank you. I want to
Speaker 2: say it in few words as possible, because I could
Speaker 2: definitely ramble, But the basics of it would be to
Speaker 2: you know, explore many many different perspectives, even ones that
Speaker 2: might bother you in some way or form, but also
Speaker 2: to remember that you're human and to be humbled by
Speaker 2: that experience. So, no matter what sort of fame or recognition,
Speaker 2: you get to kind of grasp the idea that this
Speaker 2: moment is a blipping time and that we're here for
Speaker 2: everyone around us and just not ourselves. M I like that, man,
Speaker 2: Thank you.
Speaker 3: What do you have any art projects coming up on
Speaker 3: a personal level that that you're excited about that you
Speaker 3: want to talk about or or yeah, anything like that.
Speaker 2: Yeah. So I'm currently painting a bunch of landscapes with
Speaker 2: really pretty clouds at sunset time for a gallery in
Speaker 2: southern Idaho.
Speaker 3: Very nice, you know. I'm actually I'm seeing a few
Speaker 3: questions in the chat. A few people in the chat
Speaker 3: want to want to talk to you about. So does
Speaker 3: anyone in the chat have any ques questions? I see
Speaker 3: one off the bat and chat. You can feel free
Speaker 3: to ask some questions.
Speaker 1: I'll pick some.
Speaker 3: But somebody says, hey, GEK, can you ask how this
Speaker 3: guy keeps going despite his struggles?
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a really tough one. I think my curiosity
Speaker 2: of being alive outweighs my fear of the unknown. I
Speaker 2: have to stop myself sometimes because I'll have an existential
Speaker 2: crisis about every five minutes just looking at the profoundness
Speaker 2: of everything. It can be very overwhelming, from you know,
Speaker 2: a door to a cat to a person to quantum
Speaker 2: physics and space X and you know it just you know,
Speaker 2: it just snowballs from there. But I'm an extremely curious person,
Speaker 2: very very curious.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: I feel like if you're making art, you got to
Speaker 3: stay curious or else you'll just, you know, pump it
Speaker 3: out like it's content.
Speaker 1: Do you ever look at your art as content?
Speaker 2: Yeah? So the clouds and sunsets that I'm making, I
Speaker 2: call it prairie porn because everybody in Idaho. Everybody in
Speaker 2: Idaho likes fields and sunsets and barns. So yeah, it
Speaker 2: sells really well.
Speaker 3: Somebody says, question, I am twenty two, and I have
Speaker 3: a very similar lived experience. I am in Idaho as well,
Speaker 3: and I wonder if it's good for our mental health.
Speaker 3: I don't know if that's that. I don't actually think
Speaker 3: that's a question. I think the I don't know If
Speaker 3: that's a question, I think the question might be, is
Speaker 3: living in Idaho good for your mental health?
Speaker 2: Oh? Yeah, I absolutely love living in Idaho. I hunt
Speaker 2: and I fish, and I forage for the different berries
Speaker 2: and plums and apples throughout the time of the year.
Speaker 2: And it's a very grounding experience for people who suffer
Speaker 2: from anxiety or PTS or depression. Nature has a very
Speaker 2: chilling quality.
Speaker 3: I like that because I would have thought that moving
Speaker 3: to Idaho, and I'm sorry, but i would have initially
Speaker 3: thought that moving to Idaho would be the cause of depression.
Speaker 3: But now I'm glad to hear that it is. It
Speaker 3: is cured your depression. That actually is a really cool
Speaker 3: life that you're living. Man, You're fucking forging for berries
Speaker 3: and hunting barefoot and doing that is pretty cool. That
Speaker 3: is pretty cool. I wish I wish I could do
Speaker 3: all that stuff.
Speaker 2: Well, I mean, I guess the things that I'm doing
Speaker 2: are just are what's accessible to me. So depending on
Speaker 2: your geographical placement, you know, everybody has different accessibilities. You know,
Speaker 2: whether you live in a city or a small town,
Speaker 2: or next to the ocean or in the desert, you know,
Speaker 2: everybody has something unique that they can interact with.
Speaker 3: It's also I think Idaho's where Napoleon Dynamite was filmed,
Speaker 3: So that's that correct.
Speaker 2: Yeah, my painting professor was from that town.
Speaker 1: All right, We've got one more.
Speaker 3: Who are the people who inspire you the most?
Speaker 2: I would say, uh, Leonardo da Vinci, Carl Young, uh J. F. Kennedy,
Speaker 2: Albert Einstein, Salvador Dali, Martin Luzu King Junior, and maybe
Speaker 2: my mother.
Speaker 3: That's sweet, man, that's really sweet, you know. Okay, I
Speaker 3: have I have a final question, And if you're not
Speaker 3: comfortable with this, that's totally fine, but I appreciate you
Speaker 3: telling your story. I think you're a pretty cool guy
Speaker 3: and I personally would love to check out some of
Speaker 3: your your paintings and some of your work. Do you
Speaker 3: have a website or an Instagram or anything where like
Speaker 3: people who heard this and think that and also think
Speaker 3: that you're a cool guy and want to hear want
Speaker 3: to see your stuff, anything that we can check out.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I do have a website, so it's Joseph Jeroski
Speaker 2: art dot com. J O S E. S j A
Speaker 2: r O s k i art dot com.
Speaker 1: Great do you are? Is that your Instagram? Too.
Speaker 3: Most I feel like websites, I'm in them. Do you
Speaker 3: do you Instagram at all?
Speaker 5: No?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I I I shy away from social media.
Speaker 1: You know what.
Speaker 3: That's for the best. That's for the best. There's a
Speaker 3: there are a lot of dark knights on social media
Speaker 3: to avoid.
Speaker 1: Give me that, give me that. What spell that out
Speaker 1: for me one more time?
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, So it's Joseph j O. S E. S
Speaker 2: j A R O s k i art dot com,
Speaker 2: Joseph Geroski art dot com.
Speaker 3: Beautiful Joseph. Thank you very very much. I'm sorry I
Speaker 3: doxed you. I know you started this as Walter, but
Speaker 3: I hope that's is that cool?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Yeah, thank you get I I I appreciate this.
Speaker 2: It's uh, it's been a very profound experience that I'll
Speaker 2: like the list of the rest of them.
Speaker 3: Anything else you want to say to the people of
Speaker 3: the computer before.
Speaker 2: We go, remember to love yourself.
Speaker 3: Yeah, thank you, Walter. Having the rest of the night,
Speaker 3: it is back leaving that. That was really cool. I
Speaker 3: really enjoyed talking to that guy that that. Honestly, that
Speaker 3: was one of my favorite conversations I've had on this
Speaker 3: podcast in a long time. Like I was super cool,
Speaker 3: super humble. I'm excited to check out his paintings. Uh, folks,
Speaker 3: if you're listening to this, go check out his paintings.
Speaker 1: I'm I I.
Speaker 3: I haven't I'm gonna I'm gonna take a look myself
Speaker 3: once I'm once I'm out of here recording this. But yeah,
Speaker 3: that was a great story. I like I I do
Speaker 3: love the general message that you aren't you. You can
Speaker 3: never ever be too far gone, that you cannot return
Speaker 3: to a place of of prosperity in life and personal
Speaker 3: achievement and all that stuff, no matter how much dog
Speaker 3: pissed or lying in. So shout out to Walter for
Speaker 3: being the living proof of that, and also shout out
Speaker 3: to Walter for giving me a new personal goal, which
Speaker 3: is to be the creature on somebody's wall that they
Speaker 3: are arguing with during an episode. So if anyone is
Speaker 3: looking for scary lizards to haunt their dreams, please reach
Speaker 3: out to me.
Speaker 1: Hey, folks, this is Lyle.
Speaker 3: I am very excited to announce that I am going
Speaker 3: back on tour in twenty twenty four to do Therapy
Speaker 3: Gecko live all across the country. If you've never been
Speaker 3: to one of my live shows, before. They're basically like
Speaker 3: giant group gecko therapy sessions where people from the audience
Speaker 3: come on stage to talk to a gecko about whatever
Speaker 3: they want, just like we do right here on the podcast.
Speaker 3: Plus I mix in a few stories and presentations and
Speaker 3: little tidbits from my own life. Tickets are available right
Speaker 3: now at therapy geckotour dot com, or you can find
Speaker 3: the link in the episode description. I'm announcing many more
Speaker 3: cities in the second half of the year, but right
Speaker 3: now tickets are on sale. Four Phoenix, Arizona, Louisville, Kentucky,
Speaker 3: Saint Louis, Missouri, Orlando, Florida, Tampa, Florida, Miami, Florida, Boston, Massachusetts, Denver, Colorado, Syracuse,
Speaker 3: New York, Albany, New York, Hartford, Connecticut, Las Vegas, Nevada,
Speaker 3: Salt Lake City, Utah, Nashville, Tennessee, Huntsville, Alabama, Chicago, Illinois, Milwaukee, Wisconsin,
Speaker 3: San Jose, California, San Francisco, California, Portland, Oregon, and Seattle, Washington.
Speaker 3: And you can get tickets for all of those cities
Speaker 3: at therapy geckotour dot com. If you didn't hear me
Speaker 3: say your city, you can still go to the link
Speaker 3: and hit the RSVP button to get notified for when
Speaker 3: I do come to your city in the second half
Speaker 3: of the year. This is my third tour so far,
Speaker 3: and I think it's going to be sick, so I
Speaker 3: hope to see you there.
Speaker 1: Thanks.
Speaker 4: Hello.
Speaker 1: What's your name?
Speaker 4: John?
Speaker 1: John? What's up? What's going on?
Speaker 3: What's up?
Speaker 4: Man? You know, just uh, just living.
Speaker 1: What you want to talk about today, Well, I.
Speaker 4: Really just want to talk about how I'm really addicted
Speaker 4: to porn. HM just can't ever stop watching it every
Speaker 4: single night, every single day. Probably jerk off three times a.
Speaker 1: Day, Holy shows three times a day. Addicted, Well, three
Speaker 1: is a short day, I'm oh.
Speaker 3: I mean, you know I've had I've had several three
Speaker 3: timer days myself.
Speaker 1: So I guess does that make you addicted?
Speaker 4: Well, I mean I don't know if you would put
Speaker 4: it addicted. I mean three times a day, four, sometimes five.
Speaker 5: You know.
Speaker 3: Here's what I've found is I typically typically when I'm
Speaker 3: jerking off three times a day, it's because I'm not
Speaker 3: doing anything, you know, like, what do you what do
Speaker 3: you do all day?
Speaker 1: Because if you've got the trick, the trick is to live.
Speaker 3: A life where you don't have time to jerk off
Speaker 3: three times a day or like you know, you go
Speaker 3: to work at a coffee shop or something, because then
Speaker 3: you can't well I guess you theoretically can't, but you'd
Speaker 3: get arrested.
Speaker 4: Right right. It's not like I'm I'm lazy. I have
Speaker 4: a job, I go to the gym every day, and
Speaker 4: I just still have fine time at work on my
Speaker 4: break in the bathroom. After that, I'll go. If I'm
Speaker 4: at a restaurant for more than an hour, I'll go
Speaker 4: to the bathroom in a restaurant. Yeah, it's not just
Speaker 4: at home, and at home as well, I mean every night.
Speaker 3: Are you excusing yourself from like family dinners did talk off?
Speaker 4: Yeah, every once in a while.
Speaker 1: So let's get all right, why do you think you're
Speaker 1: doing this?
Speaker 4: Well, I don't have a girlfriend, and I think even
Speaker 4: if I did, even when I did, I would still
Speaker 4: jerk off multiple times a day, Okay, and no matter
Speaker 4: if I had sex or not, it was just the
Speaker 4: dopamine release is just too much. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, are you stressed?
Speaker 4: Stressed every once? Everyone's stressed, right, Yeah? Sure, I just
Speaker 4: want to find a way to slow down or limit
Speaker 4: myself from four to five times a day to maybe
Speaker 4: one or less.
Speaker 3: You're addicted to the dopamine release. Well, okay, so it's funny, right,
Speaker 3: because this is a problem. I've started to learn this,
Speaker 3: Like I've been listening to this guy, Andrew Huberman, and
Speaker 3: he really makes my podcast look like a first grader
Speaker 3: made it. Because your problem, it could actually be solved
Speaker 3: through like the scientific method, and someone could explain, here's
Speaker 3: why you were chasing this dopamine release, and you know,
Speaker 3: here's ways to fulfill your desires with less as you
Speaker 3: classified destructive behavior. I don't know how to do in
Speaker 3: that stuff because I'm a gecko, but we can try.
Speaker 1: What does anything give you the same feeling?
Speaker 3: Like what releases positive feelings and dopamine in your brain?
Speaker 3: For you?
Speaker 4: Accomplishing hard tasks probably is number one. Doing things I
Speaker 4: don't want to do. After you do them, of course
Speaker 4: you feel so good about it and we're jerking off.
Speaker 4: It's the fastest and easiest way possible. That's why I
Speaker 4: do it so often.
Speaker 3: Ah, I know, right, I know, it's like the classic
Speaker 3: thing of any time. If I have like a difficult
Speaker 3: task to do, or like a difficult day ahead of me,
Speaker 3: I mean that's it, right is you want to just
Speaker 3: you want to find the fastest way to release the
Speaker 3: good chemicals in your brain, and that's what does it
Speaker 3: exactly so, But I mean that's just another like a
Speaker 3: way that we gotta we gotta overcome, no pun intended.
Speaker 3: We got to overcome our tendency to overcome.
Speaker 4: Well, what what advice would you give to stop or
Speaker 4: or slow down?
Speaker 1: Jesus man, I'm because it's not even peorn.
Speaker 4: Sometimes I can just go in the bathroom if I'm
Speaker 4: at a restaurant, it'll be listening to the guy in
Speaker 4: who you're antle next to me, and uh, you know
Speaker 4: they notice, but I just can't stop.
Speaker 1: Well that's the thing, right is I? This is more?
Speaker 3: This is this is a difficult one because if for me,
Speaker 3: I like I like I said, I find that the
Speaker 3: more busy I am, the less I'm jerking off. So
Speaker 3: I'm trying to find more ways to be busy. But
Speaker 3: it sounds like to you, even when you are busy,
Speaker 3: you will excuse yourself from your busy to go jerk off.
Speaker 1: So it's like a busy isn't a problem.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's just the the compulsion of two hours have
Speaker 4: gone by and it's edging at me, literally edging. But
Speaker 4: I don't I bust every time.
Speaker 1: Very cool. Do you have a therapist? You have a
Speaker 1: real one?
Speaker 4: Oh no, no, I don't.
Speaker 3: I'm curious what they would have to say about this.
Speaker 3: I mean, I this is such a platitude. But like you,
Speaker 3: I would fire you. I mean, look up online. Right,
Speaker 3: There's gotta be something. There's gotta be some chemicals going
Speaker 3: on in your brain that just need quick monkey hits
Speaker 3: of dopamine that you just aren't getting.
Speaker 1: I mean, all right, let me ask you this. Let
Speaker 1: me ask you some questions. When you're at a restaurant
Speaker 1: and you're going to go jerk off, who are you with?
Speaker 1: What's what? Set the scene for me?
Speaker 3: Set the scene right before you excuse yourself to the bathroom.
Speaker 4: Okay, okay. The most recent time, three days ago, had
Speaker 4: dinner with my grandparents. We were sitting there. We were
Speaker 4: sitting there about ten twenty minutes in. Food hasn't come
Speaker 4: out yet. I'm sitting there they you know, grandparents. Man,
Speaker 4: No matter what you say, it's just so boring. So
Speaker 4: I'm waiting. I think, well, before my food comes out,
Speaker 4: I can go get a bust.
Speaker 3: In Okay, So this is a dinner that you're excusing
Speaker 3: yourself from to go jerk off because the dinner is
Speaker 3: not particularly engaging.
Speaker 4: To you exactly.
Speaker 3: Okay, all right, I'm gonna go ahead and say that
Speaker 3: doesn't count. That doesn't count as an engaging activity. It
Speaker 3: definitely counts as as jerking off. Okay, And then what
Speaker 3: else are you? You're at work? Right, and I assume
Speaker 3: it you're at work. I don't know if you like
Speaker 3: your job or not. Do you like your job?
Speaker 4: Oh no, it's very boring.
Speaker 1: Okay, So you're born because you're not you're busy with
Speaker 1: like yeah, so you're busy. So you're you.
Speaker 3: What I am hearing from you is that your life
Speaker 3: as it is is not particularly stimulating, hanging out with
Speaker 3: your grandparents and going to this job that you hate.
Speaker 3: So in order to get doping, in order to get stimulation,
Speaker 3: you you you jerk off five times a day.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it sounds sounds pretty right.
Speaker 1: All right.
Speaker 3: So the question is that this is no small question
Speaker 3: to answer, and it is the question, and it's how
Speaker 3: do you find how do you create a life that
Speaker 3: is more stimulating for yourself so that you're not jacking off?
Speaker 3: Every five seconds.
Speaker 4: Well, I could find a job that I enjoyed better
Speaker 4: and like going to, but I still think I would
Speaker 4: excuse myself and find even create time for jerking off.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but you don't. But that's the thing, though, is
Speaker 3: that you can find replacements for jerking off. Like, do
Speaker 3: you know what the flow state is?
Speaker 4: Uh? No.
Speaker 3: The flow state is like the state of mind when
Speaker 3: you're like doing an activity, and that could be like
Speaker 3: working or having a conversation, or playing a sport or
Speaker 3: anything like that, where you are fully engrossed in the activity. Right,
Speaker 3: You're not thinking about anything else. You are fully present
Speaker 3: and where you are, right, do you have anything in
Speaker 3: your life that gets you into that place where you're
Speaker 3: you're really.
Speaker 4: Present the only thing on present in jerking off?
Speaker 1: Yeah, so well that's what we gotta do.
Speaker 3: I I guess we gotta find something for you that
Speaker 3: gets you as uh in the present.
Speaker 1: And that's what we wan.
Speaker 3: That's why orgasm feels so good. That's what all we want.
Speaker 3: All we want is to be in the presence, whether
Speaker 3: it's with people or with heroin, or with a sandwich
Speaker 3: or with jerking off. All we want, all we want
Speaker 3: as people is to just feel like we're actually fucking
Speaker 3: here and we're not depressed about the past or anxious
Speaker 3: about the future. We're fucking here, whether it's because we're
Speaker 3: orgasming or or because when you're having lunch with your
Speaker 3: with your grandparents, your head is in the clouds. You're
Speaker 3: not here, You're in fucking space, and so to get
Speaker 3: your head back down to Earth, you you jack off
Speaker 3: because you're in your there. So so we just gotta
Speaker 3: find like, what what's gonna get you back on planet
Speaker 3: fucking Earth right, What's gonna make you feel like you're here?
Speaker 3: And that could be hanging out with people who are
Speaker 3: more interesting than your grandparents, so that you know, people
Speaker 3: who don't literally bore you so much that you need
Speaker 3: to go jack off, or a job that doesn't bore
Speaker 3: you enough that you have to go jack off. Just
Speaker 3: like what's gonna And I don't know, we're not gonna
Speaker 3: answer this on the phone call unless if you have ideas.
Speaker 3: But that's that's the that's my diagnosis to you is
Speaker 3: find something that gets your head.
Speaker 1: On the planet.
Speaker 3: You know, that's why that's why you're jerking off so much,
Speaker 3: just because it makes you feel here and presence. You know.
Speaker 1: That's why.
Speaker 3: That's why, that's why I jerk off when I when
Speaker 3: I get anxious, is because it it takes my brain
Speaker 3: away from the future and away from the past and
Speaker 3: right goddamn here in the orgasm. And that's why I
Speaker 3: eat stuff that that that's bad for you is because
Speaker 3: it takes your brain right away, just just in the presence.
Speaker 3: So what what will get your brain in the present?
Speaker 3: I don't know, but there are things and hopefully you
Speaker 3: can figure them out.
Speaker 4: I hope so as well.
Speaker 3: What's what kind of porn do you watch? No, we
Speaker 3: don't answer that. What's your name again?
Speaker 1: John?
Speaker 2: John?
Speaker 1: John? It was this conversation of Eddie marginal help to you?
Speaker 4: It could have helped.
Speaker 3: What do I feel like you jacked off during the
Speaker 3: whole time while I was talking to you? Don't play
Speaker 3: this game with all right?
Speaker 1: Anyway? All right, John?
Speaker 3: Is there anything else you want to say to the
Speaker 3: people of the computer before we go?
Speaker 4: What do I say to the people love the computer?
Speaker 4: Jack off less? And uh, that's about it. I think
Speaker 4: I was edging the entire call.
Speaker 3: So get the fuck out of here, get the fuck
Speaker 3: out of he all right, Thanks John, God bless you.
Speaker 1: Hello, Hi there. What's your name? Yes, Hi, how are you? Oh,
Speaker 1: I'm okay, how are you?
Speaker 6: I'm good.
Speaker 7: I'm actually shocked that you called me. This is my
Speaker 7: first day trying to call. But I have been listening
Speaker 7: to you for a while now. I started listening listening
Speaker 7: on like Apple podcasts, but now I downloaded Twitch.
Speaker 1: Cool cool cool.
Speaker 3: Well, thanks for thanks for being here, Thanks for you know, look,
Speaker 3: you didn't have to download all that crap, and you did,
Speaker 3: and that's that's that's pretty cool. So I'm gonna call you.
Speaker 3: I'm gonna call you Jessica. That's a fun name. That's
Speaker 3: my dogs. It's my old dog's name. She's dead, she's
Speaker 3: been dead for a while. She's not coming back. But
Speaker 3: you're alive, and your name is Jessica. In terms of
Speaker 3: the conversation, So, Jessica, what would you like to talk
Speaker 3: about today?
Speaker 5: Okay?
Speaker 7: Well, what I text you about was I work at
Speaker 7: a place that's pretty pretty competitive place to work at,
Speaker 7: and it's a lot of opportunity for growth. That's the
Speaker 7: places I work at. I did meet a guy while
Speaker 7: working here and we've been going out for a little
Speaker 7: over a year. I've worked here for almost two years
Speaker 7: and when we first got together. Sorry, I'm I'm nervous.
Speaker 7: When we first got together here at work, which is
Speaker 7: a terrible idea. Don't ever date anyone you work with, ever,
Speaker 7: it's a bad idea.
Speaker 2: But he did.
Speaker 7: He was doing really really well here, you know, like
Speaker 7: he had just gotten a promotion and he was like
Speaker 7: really proud of himself and the job he did. Know,
Speaker 7: And since we started dating, it seems like he's gotten
Speaker 7: you know, like maybe kind of worse than his job
Speaker 7: or just not happy doing his job that he's doing anymore.
Speaker 7: And I've done very well, Like we just we just
Speaker 7: got our like evaluations, you know, and I did fairly
Speaker 7: well and he like buffed the whole year basically is
Speaker 7: what they said.
Speaker 4: Uh.
Speaker 7: And he's worked here for long with than me, So
Speaker 7: I feel extremely bad. But you know, and he also
Speaker 7: kind of like hates on me sometimes when I when
Speaker 7: he does see me doing well, and it's like very frustrating.
Speaker 7: I don't know what to do.
Speaker 1: You know, what is this job.
Speaker 7: I have? Ah? I can't really say because I find
Speaker 7: paperwork saying that I wouldn't say. But it's not like
Speaker 7: as crazy as you think. It's a It actually the
Speaker 7: place I work at sponsors this your show. If that
Speaker 7: gives you a slight hand, you.
Speaker 1: Work at a place that sponsors my show.
Speaker 7: Well, it's like one of the ads.
Speaker 4: You know.
Speaker 1: Oh okay, all right, Well I don't know.
Speaker 3: All right, well I'm not I'm not going to say
Speaker 3: it unless if they're giving both of us a bunch
Speaker 3: of money, So I won't guess. But anyway, uh okay,
Speaker 3: But anyway, So, I mean, so your boyfriend you okay, Well,
Speaker 3: in the text that you sent me.
Speaker 1: It said you have survivor's guilt. What does that mean?
Speaker 1: What do you do your boyfriend get fired?
Speaker 4: No?
Speaker 7: But they've like told him multiple times like if you
Speaker 7: don't picture ads to uh, you know, like they've written
Speaker 7: him up and stuff. So it seems like that's the
Speaker 7: way that it's headed for him, you know. And they're like, meanwhile,
Speaker 7: they're telling me like, oh, you know, you should try
Speaker 7: for a growth opportunity, you should interview for this, an
Speaker 7: interview for that.
Speaker 1: So but so so, Jessica, Jessica, I guess what I
Speaker 1: don't understand is what does this have to do with you.
Speaker 2: That I so guilty?
Speaker 7: And he constantly hates on me when I do good
Speaker 7: at work and so it's like it's frustrating because we're
Speaker 7: extremely compatible outside of work, I feel, but then when
Speaker 7: it comes to work, he's just like a fucking hater.
Speaker 3: You said he hates Okay, he said he hates on you.
Speaker 3: How does that manifest in what way? Does he hate
Speaker 3: on you? Does he like, does he denigrade you? Does
Speaker 3: he like downplay your accomplishments?
Speaker 7: No, never downplays my accomplishments. He's always like he's always
Speaker 7: it's just like, uh, like passive aggressive bloats, you know
Speaker 7: what I mean. Like I got a shout out for
Speaker 7: something the other day and he just became like, uh
Speaker 7: he just like got quiet and like weird about it.
Speaker 7: And then later in the day he was like, oh, like,
Speaker 7: you know our management team so well, And I was like,
Speaker 7: uh huh okay, Like he just like accuses me of
Speaker 7: being best friends with them and like being like a
Speaker 7: suck up or whatever.
Speaker 5: You know.
Speaker 3: Uh oh okay, So this this, this doesn't really look this.
Speaker 3: I don't think this has much to do with the
Speaker 3: fact that you work with this guy. And also, by
Speaker 3: the way, this guy, if this guy sucks at his job,
Speaker 3: that's not your fault, you know what I mean. It's
Speaker 3: his it's his fucking it's not your fault that this
Speaker 3: guy sucks at his job. Yeah, regardless of the fact,
Speaker 3: even whether whether you work at the same job or not.
Speaker 1: It's like, if you feel like this guy is like.
Speaker 3: Resentful of you for being more successful than he is,
Speaker 3: that's yeah, I mean I would say that that's probably
Speaker 3: not uh, I.
Speaker 7: Will add, I will add he works like much closer
Speaker 7: to our management than I do.
Speaker 3: Okay, that doesn't That doesn't mean anything though that I don't.
Speaker 3: I don't care about that. This is like has nothing
Speaker 3: to do with you. The fact that you guys work together.
Speaker 3: This is he could work at the fucking RB's and
Speaker 3: you could work at the Taco bell and it doesn't
Speaker 3: this does that doesn't matter. This is this is more
Speaker 3: simple than that. Yeah, you know, is is this the
Speaker 3: question of in your relationship with this person, do you.
Speaker 1: Feel as though.
Speaker 3: He is resent just it doesn't matter that you work
Speaker 3: at the same place or not. He's he's when you're
Speaker 3: like excited and happy about things, he's he's resentful towards.
Speaker 7: You, right, Okay, Yeah, I guess I never really looked
Speaker 7: at it like that, like how it would be if
Speaker 7: we didn't work at the same place, and he acted
Speaker 7: like this, you know, I just I've only ever looked
Speaker 7: at it from the position that we're in.
Speaker 2: I suppose you're.
Speaker 1: You're twenty two, right, yeah, hald.
Speaker 7: Say twenty four.
Speaker 3: All right, I feel like, all right, you I mean
Speaker 3: you want to you want to you want to do
Speaker 3: some fake therapy. Let's do some fake therapy. Uh, I
Speaker 3: mean doing that?
Speaker 1: It's it's.
Speaker 3: And again you also, I don't I don't want to
Speaker 3: ship too much on the sky or even on shit
Speaker 3: on him at all, because, to be honest, you keep
Speaker 3: mentioning these things that are passive aggressive, and I don't
Speaker 3: really feel like I've gotten a concrete example of anything
Speaker 3: that he's done that I guess rubs me the wrong way.
Speaker 3: But if that's how you feel, you know, that's how
Speaker 3: you feel. If if if he's doing this stuff, it's
Speaker 3: it's indicative of like his own like insecurity, which I'm
Speaker 3: and and security and dealing with insecurity is just something
Speaker 3: we all gotta fucking do, whether you know, and if
Speaker 3: we it's so and that's his cross to bear, you know,
Speaker 3: And that's we all deal with insecurity and A positives
Speaker 3: and dromin all these things, and so you know, ideally
Speaker 3: this guy figures out his own ways of dealing with
Speaker 3: his insecurity and ways in which he can feel better
Speaker 3: about himself so that he's not you know, taking it
Speaker 3: out on other people.
Speaker 1: That's for his therapy Gecko call.
Speaker 7: But you know, yeah, yeah, I would agree. It definitely
Speaker 7: comes across to me as like jealousy or insecurity, you know.
Speaker 7: And I don't know, I guess, uh.
Speaker 5: Like I said, we're like pretty compatible outside of work,
Speaker 5: like it's all good, you know, So I don't know,
Speaker 5: it's like there's a better way I could be supporting
Speaker 5: him where he feels like, you know, I think he
Speaker 5: will tell you.
Speaker 3: Jess, have you had a conversation with him about any
Speaker 3: of this multiple?
Speaker 1: Okay, Well, how do those go?
Speaker 7: He just says, you know, he admits like his fault
Speaker 7: and how he acts about it. He just says that
Speaker 7: it's a hard situation for him and that and it is,
Speaker 7: you know, like I said, he was becoming successful here
Speaker 7: before I started, and I.
Speaker 1: Don't Okay, Well tell me how does the conversation go.
Speaker 7: Usually it'll start with like, because we work fairly like
Speaker 7: close to one another, so it'll start with like, him
Speaker 7: seeing like interactions that I have with our with our bosses.
Speaker 7: So uh, you know, like I said, he makes jobs.
Speaker 7: So I'll tell him like, oh yeah, I got, you know,
Speaker 7: a shout out hold on.
Speaker 3: Jess jes Es Jes before you go into I just
Speaker 3: if you could focus with me for just a second
Speaker 3: when you say to him, Hey, man, I kind of
Speaker 3: feel like you're jabbing at me anytime I'm you know,
Speaker 3: telling you about a success at work, and I kind
Speaker 3: of feel like, uh uh, there's a problem there, and
Speaker 3: I'm expressed I'm gonna express to you these problems that
Speaker 3: I have that I've been expressing on this phone call.
Speaker 3: When you look into his eyes and you say that
Speaker 3: to him, what does he say?
Speaker 2: Uh?
Speaker 7: He says he's sorry.
Speaker 1: Okay and doesn't hit fall okay. Is that is that
Speaker 1: good enough for you?
Speaker 7: I mean, it could be if it didn't continue to happen,
Speaker 7: you know, but it just seems kind of like a
Speaker 7: a continuous thing that happens. So it's like, how many
Speaker 7: times can we have the same conversation about it?
Speaker 3: Mm hmm, Well, I don't know. Maybe maybe maybe he
Speaker 3: needs to get a new job. Maybe he should get
Speaker 3: Here's what Here's what we'll do is he should get it,
Speaker 3: he should get a different job, and then that company
Speaker 3: can also give me money to talk about them on
Speaker 3: this podcast.
Speaker 1: And that way I win, no matter what.
Speaker 7: Yeah, I've told him, you know, like you need to.
Speaker 7: I've even looked for another job because I wanted to
Speaker 7: get out of the situation that we've we've gotten into.
Speaker 7: You know, I was unsuccessful in my search, you know,
Speaker 7: because I have a good job here and I don't want.
Speaker 5: To give it up for.
Speaker 7: A job that would be less beneficial to me than
Speaker 7: this one is. So he's talked about him being the
Speaker 7: one to find a new job. He said things like, oh,
Speaker 7: I'm going to have my resume reve remade by the weekend,
Speaker 7: and never.
Speaker 3: Good, good, well, and look, I'm gonna just I'm gonna
Speaker 3: just leave you with this, Jess. I I don't like
Speaker 3: telling people what to do, but I I just but
Speaker 3: I'm going to would highly highly highly highly highly highly
Speaker 3: highly highly recommend that you do not. If you enjoy
Speaker 3: your job and if you feel good on your own
Speaker 3: personal level with your levels of accomplishment and everything going
Speaker 3: on with yourself, I would highly recommend against leaving it
Speaker 3: behind to make this guy feel better because his insecurity
Speaker 3: is valid. Of insecurity is a valid thing to feel.
Speaker 3: But it's not your responsibility to make to stop achieving
Speaker 3: in your own life to make this guy feel less insecure.
Speaker 3: So please, don't you know, please make your decisions with
Speaker 3: that in mind. Jess, is there anything else you want
Speaker 3: to say to the people of the computer before we go?
Speaker 7: No, I just wanted to say, I hope you keep
Speaker 7: doing your podcast because you get me through the work
Speaker 7: week all the time. So thank you, and it was
Speaker 7: my top.
Speaker 1: Hey, thank you very much, Jess. Have a good one.
Speaker 3: You too, have your boyfriend and uh get a fucking
Speaker 3: job at Taco Bell and that way he can recommend
Speaker 3: them to sponsor the podcast. Hey, if you're listening to
Speaker 3: this anyone and you know somebody at Taco Bell, let
Speaker 3: them know. I would, I would, I will, I will
Speaker 3: like somebody, let them know, let them know that if
Speaker 3: they want, I will interrupt somebody crying to me about
Speaker 3: the death of a family member on this podcast to
Speaker 3: do an ad for a Dorito's Locos Tacos. That's that's
Speaker 3: how far I'm willing to go for them. So I'm
Speaker 3: just throwing that out there.
Speaker 6: Oh hello, Hi, Wow, holy crap, how's it going?
Speaker 3: Geck?
Speaker 1: Hi, what is your name?
Speaker 6: My name is Jess, Jess, Jess, Jess.
Speaker 1: You said my name is Jess not Jess. Oh do
Speaker 1: you mean Jeff.
Speaker 6: No, my name is Jess not Jess.
Speaker 3: Yes, Jess. What's up, Jess? How's it going? How's life?
Speaker 6: Life remains? Interesting?
Speaker 3: Well?
Speaker 6: So, wow, okay, sorry, hold on. My my partner called
Speaker 6: you around Thanksgiving ish while we weren't together at that moment.
Speaker 6: His name was Matt and he was living with his
Speaker 6: uh well, he still is living with his great aunt
Speaker 6: and he's just been dealing with a lot and wait.
Speaker 1: Is it was?
Speaker 3: Was he the guy who he was living with his
Speaker 3: great aunt and taking care of her, and it was
Speaker 3: kind of having to having difficulties of like, oh, I
Speaker 3: don't know, if you know, I want to go live
Speaker 3: my own life, but I kind of can't because I
Speaker 3: have to take care.
Speaker 1: Of my aunt.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 6: He remember him a very lost individual, and I kind
Speaker 6: of wanted I'm shaking, dude. I wanted to thank you
Speaker 6: because and I know he would too. And if he's
Speaker 6: listening to this, he's absolutely shitting his pants.
Speaker 3: But maybe maybe maybe his aunt can maybe that's a
Speaker 3: good opportunity for his aunt to pay him back. You know,
Speaker 3: she he canna, she canna cleaned the ship out of
Speaker 3: his pants for once.
Speaker 6: Maybe, so that would be that would be appreciated. I'm sure.
Speaker 6: But like what you said to him, like really got
Speaker 6: through to him. I don't think you get to hear
Speaker 6: this very often. But like he when you said that,
Speaker 6: like you just hope that every day he wakes up
Speaker 6: and this is the choice that he makes. Yeah, he
Speaker 6: that really like he's he's really taken that to heart.
Speaker 6: And he's actually really like stood up for himself and
Speaker 6: told like his family, like I can't do this anymore.
Speaker 6: We need to have a new plan. We need to
Speaker 6: figure something out because I can't do this.
Speaker 1: Very cool, very good, good good, yeah good?
Speaker 3: And so wait, so so so you you you started
Speaker 3: dating you?
Speaker 1: Did you meet him after I called? After we talked?
Speaker 6: No, so we at the time that he called we,
Speaker 6: I guess weren't like speaking.
Speaker 2: It's really weird.
Speaker 6: We've been very on and off for the past I
Speaker 6: mean really ever since I moved out. I moved out
Speaker 6: of the house in August, and I've really been taking
Speaker 6: steps to build up like my life in a sense,
Speaker 6: like just I've never lived by myself like this, and
Speaker 6: it's a really huge privilege to do so, so I'm
Speaker 6: really trying not to take it for granted, and so
Speaker 6: I've just been doing that, but it's been it's made
Speaker 6: me very less able to give him the like attention
Speaker 6: that he's needed or like meet his needs. So it's
Speaker 6: just been hard, like there have like and it's it's
Speaker 6: not without good reason though that Like, I really tried
Speaker 6: to get out of that house because we really like
Speaker 6: being we were cooped up together for three years essentially
Speaker 6: like because of COVID, and we started being able to
Speaker 6: go out last and less together. So we're just on
Speaker 6: top of each other and getting on each other's nerves,
Speaker 6: and it's just been it was tough.
Speaker 3: Well I'm glad that because I'm well, I'm glad that
Speaker 3: that guy is a girlfriend, because he just sounded like
Speaker 3: his entire life was centered around taking care of his
Speaker 3: aunt and he wanted to, you know, get out there
Speaker 3: and start developing some form of a life for himself.
Speaker 1: So I'm happy to hear that.
Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, no, I'm it was so surreal to hear
Speaker 6: his voice. I mean, he he called me on Thanksgiving
Speaker 6: and like told me about the phone call, and so
Speaker 6: when I got to listen to him on the pod, like,
Speaker 6: that was absolutely bananas. It's just so cool, and now
Speaker 6: it's very cool.
Speaker 5: Well this is doubly cool.
Speaker 3: Well tell tell him, I said, Uh, I'm glad that.
Speaker 3: Tell him, I said, tell him. I said, I'm glad
Speaker 3: he made a life change, and I'm sorry that it
Speaker 3: took the therapy gecko to do it.
Speaker 6: I'll let him know. I'll certainly let him know. So, yeah,
Speaker 6: how are you doing. I don't know if you saw
Speaker 6: my text, but I am looking for a lizard to
Speaker 6: haunt my dreams. Would you like to apply?
Speaker 3: Oh?
Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't know.
Speaker 3: I have a lot of dreams to haunt. I might
Speaker 3: be too busy. Well, uh well, okay, here, first of all, well, okay,
Speaker 3: thanks for updating me about your boyfriend. I like a
Speaker 3: good update, and I'm it actually doesn't makes me feel
Speaker 3: very happy that, uh, some something I said on this
Speaker 3: stupid podcast caused a positive thing in the universe.
Speaker 1: So that's cool.
Speaker 3: Is there anything in particular that you wanted to talk
Speaker 3: about where we go or or anything on on on
Speaker 3: on your brain aside from just this update.
Speaker 1: If not. It's totally fine, but I thought i'd ask, you.
Speaker 6: Know, I yeah, nothing really that I can think of,
Speaker 6: but I you know, I'm just I'm out here having
Speaker 6: a good time, and I yeah, I just wanted to
Speaker 6: say hi to you, thank you to you, and.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well thank you, Jess. I hope that. Uh.
Speaker 3: I gotta stop starting sentences without knowing what the fuck
Speaker 3: I'm going to say.
Speaker 1: At the end of them.
Speaker 6: Oh, that's so real. That's me all like, very often,
Speaker 6: I just going to see where it goes and hope
Speaker 6: for the best.
Speaker 3: But I got but I guess that one, like I
Speaker 3: could I start Okay, So I started that, I said
Speaker 3: I hope that, and then it's like, well, all I
Speaker 3: gotta do is say something nice. You know, I'm not
Speaker 3: gonna say I hope that your children die. I just
Speaker 3: got to say something good. So it shouldn't have it
Speaker 3: should have been easier than it was. It was hard
Speaker 3: for some reason. So let's do this. I hope you
Speaker 3: have a good rest of the day. That was easy.
Speaker 6: Thank you.
Speaker 2: You too, have a good one, Jess, you too have
Speaker 2: a good stream By.
Speaker 3: Never Beacon goes on the line making your song calls
Speaker 3: every night, every Beacon goes to Asie's teaching you aloud
Speaker 3: in the mean of your life.
Speaker 1: Nice, not really an expert.