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Speaker 1: On this week's episode of A Really Good Cry, we

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Speaker 1: find out what happens when three best friends going through

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Speaker 1: different phases of life sit down together and lay it

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Speaker 1: all out.

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Speaker 2: I can't tell you how many times I go out

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Speaker 2: on a date and it still happens. And one of

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Speaker 2: the first few questions that they asked me is can

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Speaker 2: you cook?

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Speaker 3: I'm like, boy, can you build a car?

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Speaker 4: And finding myself being so hypocritical because I'm sitting there

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Speaker 4: saying I want a guy who's six foot.

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Speaker 5: And muscular and like looks a certain kind of way.

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Speaker 4: But then I would be so mad if a guy

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Speaker 4: said I want a girl who's a size zero or

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Speaker 4: a certain height or something like that.

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Speaker 1: Right, I'm thirty How am I? They two? They two?

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Speaker 1: I'm thirty three, and I have zero rush to have children.

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Speaker 1: And that scares every single person around me except for me.

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Speaker 1: I'm rather Deablukiah and on my podcast A Really Good Cry,

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Speaker 1: we embrace the messy and the beautiful, providing a space

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Speaker 1: for raw, unfiltered conversations that celebrate vulnerability and allow you

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Speaker 1: to tune in to learn, connect and find comfort together. Hey, everyone,

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Speaker 1: welcome to A Good Cry podcast, where we try to

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Speaker 1: have discussions about topics and things that can be sometimes

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Speaker 1: difficult to process alone. Hopefully this is a space where

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Speaker 1: you can cry, you can lean into your emotions and

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Speaker 1: let go and if you really need to have a

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Speaker 1: good cry and don't feel bad about it. So today

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Speaker 1: I have two of my best friends sitting on the

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Speaker 1: couch with me. We've got deep cut in frontcier. We've

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Speaker 1: both been friends for years. I think it feels like forever,

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Speaker 1: but it's been at least five years that we've known

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Speaker 1: each other and we're going to have a good old chat.

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Speaker 1: But to start off, I just want to set the

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Speaker 1: scene for you all. We currently have cookies, homemade cookies,

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Speaker 1: homemade chai that we're sipping on, and frontiers incredible homemade

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Speaker 1: salsa and chips. I'm going to do a bit of

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Speaker 1: ASMR for you. Should we start off with a bit

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Speaker 1: of am Yeah, But.

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Speaker 3: First of all, I got to say, I'm so proud

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Speaker 3: of you. We're over here like cheesing over you. What

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Speaker 3: a good little.

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Speaker 1: Intro face has gone red? Honestly, I guess so nervous

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Speaker 1: doing this to say you like the third podcast we're doing,

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Speaker 1: But yeah, why don't we do that? I want everyone

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Speaker 1: to get the feeling of yourself there. We've both tried

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Speaker 1: different versions of it. Deep you've tried her, Yeah, you.

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Speaker 5: Had like four different versions. But you said you just

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Speaker 5: made this.

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Speaker 3: So I just made this one yesterday.

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Speaker 2: And this one's a little more roasted than what you

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Speaker 2: both have tasted.

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Speaker 1: And what's the difference, like roasted tomato?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, tomatoes, handy? Oh tomato?

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Speaker 2: Can I do that?

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Speaker 3: Or tomat and the chilisia.

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Speaker 1: Okay, let's do it, all right, go for it.

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Speaker 3: I'm gonna have you guys go.

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Speaker 1: First, do it, and then everyone here and pray.

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Speaker 3: Just dipingy in it it.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god, m hm, just do spice you but

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Speaker 1: the right amount of spice. It's got like the sweetness

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Speaker 1: and sourness of the tomatoes, the cilantro Oh my god,

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Speaker 1: it tastes so good.

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Speaker 5: Okay, this was really descriptive. I was just gonna say

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Speaker 5: it was.

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Speaker 1: I want the smokiness in the back.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Okay, guys, this is by far going to be the

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Speaker 1: best seller you've ever ever tried. I can't wait till hopefully. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you've got some of this job. Yes, we also have

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Speaker 1: a bit of masala tie. I feel like we should

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Speaker 1: all do a slap. I feel like we're having chai

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Speaker 1: and salsa right now. I'm not sure that's good.

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Speaker 5: That actually didn't taste weird together.

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Speaker 3: I love this chie so much, but I do I

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Speaker 3: can't tell.

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Speaker 1: The different difference.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: The first time Francie had my chai, it was a

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Speaker 1: homemade massala, and this time I didn't have any left.

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Speaker 1: So we've used a normal massala and it's just not

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Speaker 1: the same. It hits different.

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Speaker 2: Yours is just I don't like chai, but for some

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Speaker 2: reason I couldn't stop drinking at that thing.

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Speaker 3: No, so next time makes some things.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, there isn't. Yeah, it's so good.

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Speaker 5: I'm still going.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I roast them longer, so it could be that

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Speaker 2: smoky so good.

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Speaker 1: You really mastered it.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, doing it since I was eighteen years old, so

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Speaker 3: I hope. So I didn't know it was that good.

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Speaker 2: Well to me, I was like, oh, I can't find

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Speaker 2: salsa that I like, and so I just learned how

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Speaker 2: to make it, and I was I don't know why

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Speaker 2: I was used to be so shy and embarrassed about

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Speaker 2: sharing that before.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and then I just started and people love it.

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Speaker 1: I feel like everyone in the different cultures gets embarrassed

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Speaker 1: when they're younger about their cultural food, and then suddenly

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Speaker 1: it becomes something that's popular in the world. I feel

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Speaker 1: like we both probably had.

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Speaker 3: The same Yea.

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Speaker 4: I didn't want friends coming over because I didn't want

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Speaker 4: them to smell the curry.

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Speaker 2: Oh my god, Yes, because I always had beans at

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Speaker 2: the house and I ate beans every day. And when

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Speaker 2: I brought them to school one time, they sang that

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Speaker 2: song to me, Beans, Beans and make you fine in

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Speaker 2: the morn and I was so embarrassed.

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Speaker 4: I had a friend come over and she asked to

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Speaker 4: leave because she couldn't didn't smell no, And so I

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Speaker 4: was so mortified. I didn't have anyone come over ever after.

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Speaker 3: And where was this in school?

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Speaker 5: In Texas?

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Speaker 3: In Texas? Yeah, this is La too.

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Speaker 5: Ye it was rough, But now I want everyone to come.

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Speaker 1: Everyone wants to be curry.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. Now, anytime I meet any or anyone where, can

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Speaker 2: I get good Mexican or can I try your Mexican?

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Speaker 1: But growing up in a very good way, full circle. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it is the reason I actually was so excited to

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Speaker 1: have you both on is because, just to give you

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Speaker 1: all a bit more context, me and Francis and deepica,

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Speaker 1: whether or on a hike, whether we are in a

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Speaker 1: cold plunge or sauna, whether we are sitting on a couch,

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Speaker 1: we always have meaningful conversations that I feel has helped

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Speaker 1: me grow so much in my life. And it's just

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Speaker 1: so nice to have friends where your relationship is built

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Speaker 1: on talking about things that help us grow versus many

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Speaker 1: other things that we could be talking about. And so

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Speaker 1: I really value that in my life to have friends

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Speaker 1: that I can do that with. And one of the

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Speaker 1: things that I feel that we've all seemed to relate on,

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Speaker 1: no matter what phase of life we're in, is the

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Speaker 1: judgment that we kind of face when it comes to

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Speaker 1: being married and not having kids, being in a relationship

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Speaker 1: or not being in a relationship. And I think there's

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Speaker 1: so many different dimensions to it that we've discussed before.

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Speaker 1: But I really want to talk about it because I

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Speaker 1: think it's something that can relate to so many people

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Speaker 1: across cultures, and yeah, I want to I want to

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Speaker 1: just hear from both of you, like what your experiences

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Speaker 1: have been it and how it's made you feel, what

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Speaker 1: you've done about it.

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Speaker 2: I mean, that's such a huge topic. I mean, I'm single,

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Speaker 2: hold I'm I'm single, not married. Yes, I'm okay, this

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Speaker 2: is single, not married, not even a boyfriend.

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Speaker 3: I'm not crying yet, but I knew it was going

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Speaker 3: to happen at some point. I hope you have tissue.

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Speaker 3: I did.

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Speaker 1: Oh, I did. Actually, I'll get another books.

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Speaker 3: No, it's okay.

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Speaker 2: Well, anyways, I think it was a little more harder

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Speaker 2: for me to accept that at this age I have

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Speaker 2: not even like one prospect, nothing. But at the same time,

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Speaker 2: I'm happier. Yes, some family members have made comments. I

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Speaker 2: think when I was twenty four, an uncle was concerned

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Speaker 2: that I hadn't had a kid yet.

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Speaker 3: I was twenty four.

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Speaker 1: What's normal in your like in your culture of like

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Speaker 1: marriage and well as well, I guess in the older generation,

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Speaker 1: what did they see as being normal of having kids

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Speaker 1: and being married?

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Speaker 3: I mean as soon as you can, So what's.

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Speaker 1: Known as like the expiration date? Like you're done now.

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Speaker 2: I mean you should probably be getting married or at

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Speaker 2: least having a child by the time.

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Speaker 3: You're twenty one.

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Speaker 1: Wow.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, no, unless you go to college. If you go

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Speaker 2: to college, just a different story. But then still by

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Speaker 2: twenty two to twenty three, like you should be popping

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Speaker 2: them out. So it's school and then marriage and then kids,

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Speaker 2: and you're not even allowed to move out of your

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Speaker 2: house until you're married.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: I broke that.

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Speaker 2: Rule in my family, and oh my mom was pissed.

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Speaker 2: I was commuting so much from I lived in Northridge

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Speaker 2: growing up, so from Northridge to Hollywood, I was commuting

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Speaker 2: so much and trying to go to school and trying

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Speaker 2: to do auditions. I was like, I can't do this anymore.

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Speaker 2: So shortly before I turned eighteen, I moved to Loshiela's.

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Speaker 2: And it's just culturally like, no, you don't get it.

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Speaker 2: And I have so many friends that did wait until

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Speaker 2: they got married, and a lot of them got married

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Speaker 2: young because they wanted to leave their house.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and I feel that's the same in all culture.

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Speaker 1: It's completely abnormal to even think about. I mean, you

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Speaker 1: can go to college and you can live away for that,

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Speaker 1: but if you're moving in with a boy, or if

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Speaker 1: you're thinking of moving out. Once I got back from

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Speaker 1: UNI or from college, there wasn't even a question of

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Speaker 1: whether I would live out. And I wish that I

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Speaker 1: had because it would have helped me grow so much more.

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Speaker 1: But in our culture, is just not normal to live

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Speaker 1: with the boy before you're married.

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Speaker 5: It's just funny.

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Speaker 4: They go from stay away from boys, don't ever day boys,

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Speaker 4: to all of a sudden, it's like, why aren't you

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Speaker 4: with the boy?

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Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, that was so true. I've never even

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Speaker 3: thought about that.

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Speaker 4: It's so frustrating because it's like, you actually gave me

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Speaker 4: no tools to know how to do this. Yeah, but

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Speaker 4: all of a sudden, I hit like a certain age

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Speaker 4: and it's like get married tomorrow.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, If you really think about it, the idea of

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Speaker 2: having to wait until you're graduated from college to start

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Speaker 2: dating like that is so much of your life.

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Speaker 3: It is.

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Speaker 1: And also it doesn't give you space to you basically

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Speaker 1: expected to get into to leave college, get into a relationship,

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Speaker 1: and get married within such a short period of time

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Speaker 1: that doesn't actually allow you to get to know the

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Speaker 1: person as deeply as you should. And I know so

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Speaker 1: many people who got married at a young age and

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Speaker 1: have not regretted being married to that person, but wish

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Speaker 1: that they had and I can.

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Speaker 3: I can life.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and I feel that way where I think Jay's

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Speaker 1: a lot older than me, and so he has not

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Speaker 1: a lot He's like three years older than me. But

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Speaker 1: I gave him a good amount of time to grow

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Speaker 1: a little bit more than I had. Yeah, and so

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Speaker 1: I ended up doing the growth in my relationship, which

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Speaker 1: is a lot more difficult on your partner versus me

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Speaker 1: having had that time by my I had never spelt

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Speaker 1: spent time by myself before I got married, and so

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Speaker 1: I'm trying to figure out how to spend time by

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Speaker 1: myself while being married, but while also being in a relationship,

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Speaker 1: figure out who I am, right, I.

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Speaker 4: Think what's so cool? Like you said, I feel like

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Speaker 4: so much. It's nice to hear that you feel like

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Speaker 4: you've grown from conversations with us.

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Speaker 5: I mean, we definitely grow with conversation.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, you always What did you get out of this?

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Speaker 4: I don't know much, but I do think that, like

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Speaker 4: what you and Jay have shown me is that there

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Speaker 4: was some judgment on my end of all my friends

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Speaker 4: because I grew up in Texas. So it's the layer

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Speaker 4: of being Indian and growing up in Texas where you

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Speaker 4: just you get married quick like most of the people

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Speaker 4: who went high school, they're on like baby number three.

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Speaker 5: For me, I thought that I had.

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Speaker 4: A little bit of judgment of people who got married

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Speaker 4: at an early age. Because I felt like maybe it

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Speaker 4: was a little bit of me trying to be rebellious,

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Speaker 4: but also part of it was like, you haven't grown,

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Speaker 4: and there's so much more growth that you can do

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Speaker 4: and figure out who you are without the partner kind

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Speaker 4: of influencing how you're going to grow. But what I

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Speaker 4: realize now is that because I'm just so proud, like

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Speaker 4: even though we're supposed to be having all this shame

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Speaker 4: about being single, I feel like I'm finally at a

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Speaker 4: place where I'm proud that I've developed independently to be

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Speaker 4: who I am through the friends and families, family, and

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Speaker 4: my life, to be who I am today. However, literally,

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Speaker 4: like you said, you and Jay have grown together so much,

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Speaker 4: and it's such a healthy way to see that, Like

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Speaker 4: you can't get married at a young age and grow

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Speaker 4: and be independently two different.

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Speaker 5: People but still together.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, which quite honestly, what i'd seen some examples of

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Speaker 4: is that you end up growing together but not into

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Speaker 4: dependently at all.

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Speaker 5: When you're in a relationship early at early.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, you kind of become the same person. And I

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Speaker 1: think that wasn't possible because we were so far apart

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Speaker 1: in our journeys that it wasn't even possible to mold

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Speaker 1: into one person because that would require him to slow

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Speaker 1: down in his journey and me to speed up at

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Speaker 1: a rate that I wasn't able to. And even now

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Speaker 1: I think, like, even though it is a nice thing

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Speaker 1: that I'm able to do that, it can be very

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Speaker 1: difficult on the other person who's done the work and

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Speaker 1: got into the thing, And then you end up either

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Speaker 1: being babying the other person and trying to help them

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Speaker 1: grow in some way when sometimes that's not really your

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Speaker 1: responsibility as a partner, where you know you're there to

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Speaker 1: mutually give to each other and you can in different ways,

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Speaker 1: but at the same time, it definitely what I'm saying

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Speaker 1: is me being the other person. I can see it

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Speaker 1: puts a lot of pressure on the partner and if

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Speaker 1: they don't have the ability and the space to do

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Speaker 1: that for the other person, which a lot of people don't,

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Speaker 1: which is also fair, I think that can be quite

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Speaker 1: a strain on the relationship if you don't have that.

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Speaker 1: And I also think, like when we're thinking about all

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Speaker 1: of our friends, I think there's such a different and

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Speaker 1: I don't know whether you've noticed this, but of people

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Speaker 1: from here versus people from your hometown, like I have. Again,

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Speaker 1: I get nervous going back home to and I hear

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Speaker 1: between my friend groups. Some of my friends end up

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Speaker 1: telling me where oh this person was asking me, you know,

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Speaker 1: you guys have been married for so long, why have

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Speaker 1: you not had kids? And I'm like, they're on their

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Speaker 1: second baby, and I'm like, Okay, I'm not judging them

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Speaker 1: for having their second baby, but they're fully judging my

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Speaker 1: relationship for not having had a child. And I think

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Speaker 1: the older generation is also like that, where it's like, oh,

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Speaker 1: you've been married for three years, you've been married for

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Speaker 1: five years now, like that's a long time. Then people

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Speaker 1: end up thinking like you've got issues, either fertility issues

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Speaker 1: or relationship issues. Those are the two things that people assume.

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Speaker 1: Whereas here, when I moved here, I just I was

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Speaker 1: someone who wanted kids when I was like eighteen, Like

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Speaker 1: in my mind, I was like, all I want to

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Speaker 1: do is be a mom. All I want to do

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Speaker 1: is have babies. I had zero career goals. I had

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Speaker 1: no aspirations of what I wanted to be. I did

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Speaker 1: things because I knew I had to go to college,

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Speaker 1: not because I wanted to. I studied what I studied

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Speaker 1: because my mum recommended it, Like I had no to

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Speaker 1: be like anything in business or have that of my own.

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Speaker 1: I just so I'd get married, stop working and probably

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Speaker 1: have babies.

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Speaker 3: Yep.

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Speaker 1: And when I moved here, meeting you and meeting you

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Speaker 1: and meeting Pyle and meeting all of our friends who

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Speaker 1: have broken those stereotypes and done it so well to

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Speaker 1: the point where they are so content that they're so

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Speaker 1: happy that they met their partners at a later age.

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Speaker 1: They're so happy that they very healthily had babies at

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Speaker 1: an older age and then people would expect And that

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Speaker 1: for me opened up my eyes so much because I

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Speaker 1: now am at a stage where I'm thirty old? Am

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Speaker 1: I they thirtwo? They two? I think thirty three, and

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Speaker 1: I have zero rush to have children And that scares

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Speaker 1: every single person around me except for me. Yeah, And

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Speaker 1: I think, like it's such a change for me where

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Speaker 1: people are like all you wanted was that, and I'm like, well,

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Speaker 1: And I think allowing people to have changes through their

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Speaker 1: life allows great friendships, which I think we all do

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Speaker 1: for each other too.

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Speaker 2: One of the things I'm trying to accept is it's

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Speaker 2: okay to change your mind and even as someone that says, well,

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Speaker 2: I want to do this, I want to do that.

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Speaker 2: Especially out here in LA you're so afraid to come

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Speaker 2: off as fake or phony to anyone because there's so

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Speaker 2: many people are so you know, I'm a huge person

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Speaker 2: where I'm like, if I say something, I have to

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Speaker 2: stick to it because I have something to prove, and

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Speaker 2: eventually it's like, well what do I have to prove?

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Speaker 2: So anyway, But I think also with your point circling back,

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Speaker 2: I think you have to meet people where they're at.

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Speaker 2: I'm the type of personality I can't grow with someone.

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Speaker 2: I was way too immature and I knew that I

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Speaker 2: had to do it by myself the hard way because

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Speaker 2: of how I grew up.

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Speaker 3: And I think same with you.

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Speaker 2: It's like you, I don't think you'd be able to

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Speaker 2: go or do what you need to do if you

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Speaker 2: had to grow with someone because totally and you and

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Speaker 2: I I'm just gonna say we're similar.

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Speaker 3: When we're in a relationship. We give it are all.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, And You're so good at being independent in a relationship,

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Speaker 2: and Jay's so good at allowing both of you are

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Speaker 2: good at allowing each other to be independent within the

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Speaker 2: relationship and we're.

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Speaker 5: Just yeah, no, I might.

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Speaker 3: I have an example of that.

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Speaker 4: Every relationship I've been and it's been high high low lows,

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Speaker 4: and you come around healthy couples where it just feels

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Speaker 4: like there's and not to say everything, everybody has their

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Speaker 4: hig high low lows, but at least from everything I've witnessed,

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Speaker 4: which I lived with you guys for I lived with

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Speaker 4: the all during the pandemic for like a month, it's

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Speaker 4: like it still is so healthy, even in the fights, right,

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Speaker 4: there's gonna be fights that happen, but it's nice to

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Speaker 4: see healthy fights, which really just means that you allow

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Speaker 4: space for each other, and whether that means that you

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Speaker 4: step away from each other or it's like you decide

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Speaker 4: that you're going to give it a beat before you

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Speaker 4: just address it. I just think it's shown me that

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Speaker 4: it's not normal or healthy to have these high high

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Speaker 4: low low kinds of life. And I don't think I

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Speaker 4: could have been in a relationship in the way that

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Speaker 4: I want to now going forward when I was first

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Speaker 4: starting to build my career. Yeah, that's just me, but

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Speaker 4: there's other people who can do it.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, I just don't.

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Speaker 4: And Jay said this to me once, and I fully

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Speaker 4: feel it is like you can have everything, just.

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Speaker 5: Not all at once.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 4: And I think that now I'm at a place where

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Speaker 4: I like can't wait to date and discover who we

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Speaker 4: will be with a healthy partner.

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Speaker 2: Yes, exactly, now that we know ourselves a little more.

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Speaker 2: Now that we are, you know, growing in our careers

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Speaker 2: and we have a little more control of how that

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Speaker 2: is going now, I mean, I think we're in.

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Speaker 3: A better place.

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Speaker 4: What's also cool is I like talk to my mom

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Speaker 4: about this the last time I went home, and my mom,

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Speaker 4: a very Indian mother who for so long has said

401
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Speaker 4: like she's worried that I'm going to achieve all my

402
00:16:29,840 --> 00:16:32,840
Speaker 4: career wins, but be alone. She actually said to me

403
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Speaker 4: the last time I went home, which was like major growth,

404
00:16:35,520 --> 00:16:38,320
Speaker 4: you know, Dipica, Like, I really recognize. I don't think

405
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Speaker 4: you would have been as happy of where you are

406
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Speaker 4: in your career if you had focused on dating someone.

407
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Speaker 4: I know how much it takes to make a relationship work,

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Speaker 4: and I don't think you could have done both well together. Yeah,

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Speaker 4: And to hear her say that, and she just was like,

410
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Speaker 4: you know, I know you're not going to get married

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Speaker 4: at a traditionally normal age, which also is just annoying

412
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Speaker 4: that that's a thing, but you.

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Speaker 5: Know it's growth. She's an Indian mom.

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Speaker 4: It was such a relief to have her say, I

415
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Speaker 4: don't want you to rush this because she also doesn't

416
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Speaker 4: want to be the wrong person.

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00:17:06,200 --> 00:17:08,760
Speaker 1: No, And I think even just seeing you grow over

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Speaker 1: the past few years, if you think about the people,

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Speaker 1: and no disrespect to anybody, but if you think about

420
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Speaker 1: what you were attracting in your life as you've grown,

421
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Speaker 1: as you've changed, it's kind of like it ends up

422
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Speaker 1: being a measure of what you have within you that

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Speaker 1: you're attracting to yourself. And so I feel like when

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Speaker 1: I've noticed the characteristics of people as you've been growing

425
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Speaker 1: and as you've been becoming so much more comfortable in

426
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Speaker 1: your own skin, it's like you're attracting better and better.

427
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Speaker 5: And I think what you evers to toxic not even.

428
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Speaker 1: Toxic, I just think as opposed to people who like

429
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Speaker 1: If you think about the people you attracted, then it

430
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Speaker 1: probably was a reflection of what you were really wanting

431
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Speaker 1: to like, what you were thinking in your mind, that

432
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Speaker 1: you wanted in your life. But now I feel like

433
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Speaker 1: seeing you more comfortable than your own skin, seeing you

434
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Speaker 1: as someone who feels that way where there is no rush,

435
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Speaker 1: not forcing the situation, and with the growth that you've had,

436
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Speaker 1: it's like the tie of people, whether it's friends or

437
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Speaker 1: romantic relationships. I just noticed you're like attracting a higher

438
00:18:06,760 --> 00:18:09,840
Speaker 1: type of connection with people and people who have that

439
00:18:09,960 --> 00:18:10,560
Speaker 1: to give to you.

440
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Speaker 5: And it took time.

441
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Speaker 4: But I think that whole saying of you can't make

442
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Speaker 4: someone else happy until you find happiness with.

443
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Speaker 3: Yourself is so that is so real. That is so real.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, And you have a lot more grace for people

445
00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:26,120
Speaker 2: when you're happier with yourself. You're understanding of a lot

446
00:18:26,160 --> 00:18:28,040
Speaker 2: more things. When you're happier with yourself, when.

447
00:18:27,960 --> 00:18:31,440
Speaker 4: You're confident with who you are, you attract confident people

448
00:18:31,480 --> 00:18:33,960
Speaker 4: around you. Yeah, And so I realize now that, like,

449
00:18:34,280 --> 00:18:36,639
Speaker 4: because I'm so secure with who I am in my

450
00:18:36,720 --> 00:18:39,440
Speaker 4: business and as a human being. Yeah, right, Like there's

451
00:18:39,640 --> 00:18:41,480
Speaker 4: I also feel like the most I've told you guys,

452
00:18:41,480 --> 00:18:43,720
Speaker 4: Like I just feel mentally, physically, emotionally the best I

453
00:18:43,760 --> 00:18:45,360
Speaker 4: ever have in that entire life.

454
00:18:45,640 --> 00:18:48,600
Speaker 5: But that took thirty three years, you know, thirty three years.

455
00:18:48,640 --> 00:18:50,320
Speaker 4: And so I think anyone who's trying to rush it

456
00:18:50,359 --> 00:18:52,560
Speaker 4: in their twenties and say, like, how can I get

457
00:18:52,600 --> 00:18:54,480
Speaker 4: to this confidence level? I don't think I could have

458
00:18:54,560 --> 00:18:56,600
Speaker 4: without just life experience.

459
00:18:56,240 --> 00:18:58,359
Speaker 1: Right, And I think that way slowly changing. Like if

460
00:18:58,359 --> 00:19:01,280
Speaker 1: you think about our generation of friends, especially the ones here,

461
00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:05,400
Speaker 1: I think that we really are changing that norm for

462
00:19:05,640 --> 00:19:08,280
Speaker 1: the age of things to happen and allowing things to

463
00:19:08,440 --> 00:19:11,399
Speaker 1: like just flow in the direction that is because you know,

464
00:19:11,520 --> 00:19:13,520
Speaker 1: I think about even if all of if you think

465
00:19:13,560 --> 00:19:15,560
Speaker 1: about five of our friends that were close to, so

466
00:19:15,680 --> 00:19:18,879
Speaker 1: many of them have been in relationships or got married

467
00:19:18,920 --> 00:19:21,320
Speaker 1: after the age of what thirty five, thirty six, Yeah,

468
00:19:21,359 --> 00:19:24,480
Speaker 1: I've had babies, second baby that age of forty year plus,

469
00:19:24,520 --> 00:19:26,840
Speaker 1: And I just think that is such a beautiful thing

470
00:19:26,880 --> 00:19:28,199
Speaker 1: to be able to have that. And I know when

471
00:19:28,240 --> 00:19:30,320
Speaker 1: I started changing my mind what you were saying about

472
00:19:30,400 --> 00:19:33,359
Speaker 1: it's okay to change. I used to feel so guilty

473
00:19:33,400 --> 00:19:36,119
Speaker 1: and I still randomly get spouts of like feeling guilt

474
00:19:36,160 --> 00:19:38,639
Speaker 1: for not wanting what I did then and like we're

475
00:19:38,680 --> 00:19:40,200
Speaker 1: not wanting to have a baby as much as I

476
00:19:40,240 --> 00:19:41,560
Speaker 1: did then, and thinking, oh my god, does that mean

477
00:19:41,560 --> 00:19:44,760
Speaker 1: I'm like just not as feminine or as womanly as

478
00:19:44,840 --> 00:19:46,520
Speaker 1: I think I should be, or does that mean I'm

479
00:19:46,560 --> 00:19:49,760
Speaker 1: being selfish in the way that I am wanting to

480
00:19:49,920 --> 00:19:51,760
Speaker 1: build my career or the way that I want more

481
00:19:51,800 --> 00:19:53,960
Speaker 1: time for myself. Like, is there is that a selfish

482
00:19:53,960 --> 00:19:56,240
Speaker 1: thing to do? And I think that's something as women

483
00:19:56,480 --> 00:19:59,600
Speaker 1: we are so used to doing, is feeling selfish. It's

484
00:19:59,640 --> 00:20:02,320
Speaker 1: like your train not to really want career goals, You're

485
00:20:02,359 --> 00:20:04,800
Speaker 1: train not to really want not Well, you can have them,

486
00:20:04,840 --> 00:20:07,720
Speaker 1: but not more ambitious than your partner. You can have them,

487
00:20:07,800 --> 00:20:10,240
Speaker 1: but not to the extent where it jeopardizes your chance

488
00:20:10,280 --> 00:20:12,280
Speaker 1: to have a child. You can have them, but you

489
00:20:12,280 --> 00:20:14,119
Speaker 1: should still be able to look after your family in

490
00:20:14,160 --> 00:20:17,080
Speaker 1: the way that you should as a woman whilst having

491
00:20:17,080 --> 00:20:19,080
Speaker 1: a job and a career. And I definitely saw my

492
00:20:19,160 --> 00:20:21,120
Speaker 1: mom was able to do that. She had a job,

493
00:20:21,240 --> 00:20:23,480
Speaker 1: she looked after us, she looked after my dad.

494
00:20:23,560 --> 00:20:24,840
Speaker 5: How you do it, I don't know.

495
00:20:24,880 --> 00:20:27,639
Speaker 1: It was like a different generation of women and human

496
00:20:27,720 --> 00:20:30,280
Speaker 1: and also different things that they had, Like the distractions

497
00:20:30,359 --> 00:20:32,320
Speaker 1: we have in life now and the things that we're

498
00:20:32,359 --> 00:20:34,560
Speaker 1: able to get done in the day is so different

499
00:20:34,600 --> 00:20:38,480
Speaker 1: because of how stimulated we are and how many other

500
00:20:38,520 --> 00:20:41,800
Speaker 1: things that we have in our life and our social situation.

501
00:20:41,880 --> 00:20:43,600
Speaker 1: We will have so many more friends and our parents

502
00:20:43,600 --> 00:20:44,639
Speaker 1: probably reject them.

503
00:20:44,520 --> 00:20:46,280
Speaker 4: And I also feel like we should be. I see

504
00:20:46,280 --> 00:20:48,719
Speaker 4: it as like I think them. Instead of having this

505
00:20:48,840 --> 00:20:51,040
Speaker 4: like how can I be like her? I more see

506
00:20:51,040 --> 00:20:53,600
Speaker 4: it as like, because of the foundation she laid, I

507
00:20:53,720 --> 00:20:55,920
Speaker 4: now can live a life where I have even more ambition,

508
00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:57,800
Speaker 4: even more of a social life, even more of these

509
00:20:57,840 --> 00:21:00,720
Speaker 4: things that bring me happiness. He didn't do like my

510
00:21:00,800 --> 00:21:03,840
Speaker 4: mom didn't enjoy vacations. That wasn't a thing that they did.

511
00:21:03,880 --> 00:21:05,720
Speaker 4: They just worked into near the kids and cook.

512
00:21:05,880 --> 00:21:08,560
Speaker 2: I have two thoughts before they go away, tell me sorry,

513
00:21:08,680 --> 00:21:12,199
Speaker 2: two thoughts. We are the last generation that's gonna know

514
00:21:12,320 --> 00:21:13,600
Speaker 2: life without the internet.

515
00:21:13,840 --> 00:21:15,320
Speaker 3: No, I know, we are the last one.

516
00:21:15,359 --> 00:21:17,399
Speaker 2: So everything that we're talking about right now is so

517
00:21:17,520 --> 00:21:20,679
Speaker 2: relevant to people in our age range. But thankfully because

518
00:21:20,680 --> 00:21:23,480
Speaker 2: of us, things are changing. So that's a thought that

519
00:21:23,520 --> 00:21:25,320
Speaker 2: I want to discuss because you were saying generation, But

520
00:21:25,359 --> 00:21:29,040
Speaker 2: then we were talking about confidence earlier, saying most confident

521
00:21:29,040 --> 00:21:30,480
Speaker 2: I've ever been in my life, and I know that

522
00:21:30,480 --> 00:21:33,800
Speaker 2: that was something that I kept saying, I'm a very

523
00:21:33,800 --> 00:21:37,080
Speaker 2: confident one very confident, But I didn't know what that

524
00:21:37,119 --> 00:21:41,919
Speaker 2: meant or what it was essentially, so I started changing

525
00:21:41,920 --> 00:21:44,240
Speaker 2: that language. Instead of being like, you know what, I'm

526
00:21:44,880 --> 00:21:48,520
Speaker 2: not as confident as I haven't been before. I trust

527
00:21:48,560 --> 00:21:51,560
Speaker 2: myself now and that with the trust confidence comp and

528
00:21:51,560 --> 00:21:53,680
Speaker 2: now with a man. What I say is I don't

529
00:21:53,680 --> 00:21:55,760
Speaker 2: need a confident man. I need a man that trusts himself.

530
00:21:55,800 --> 00:21:58,560
Speaker 2: Once you trust yourself, then that confidence builds and you

531
00:21:58,600 --> 00:21:59,680
Speaker 2: exude it and then.

532
00:21:59,600 --> 00:22:02,240
Speaker 3: That's what you receive. So it's about trusting yourself.

533
00:22:02,359 --> 00:22:04,360
Speaker 1: And I think confidence is such a like you can

534
00:22:04,400 --> 00:22:06,320
Speaker 1: have so much false confidence and I think I've had

535
00:22:06,359 --> 00:22:09,679
Speaker 1: that so much in my life, where I because of

536
00:22:09,720 --> 00:22:13,000
Speaker 1: the things that I have or because of the person

537
00:22:13,080 --> 00:22:15,240
Speaker 1: that I know I can be, Yeah, I end up

538
00:22:15,359 --> 00:22:17,640
Speaker 1: you end up kind of falsely putting yourself into that

539
00:22:17,680 --> 00:22:19,720
Speaker 1: person or like you you kind of want to like

540
00:22:19,760 --> 00:22:21,680
Speaker 1: be that person before you actually get there. And that's

541
00:22:21,720 --> 00:22:23,399
Speaker 1: a good way to get there. But if you're not

542
00:22:23,440 --> 00:22:25,600
Speaker 1: actually making the journey, you're kind of just faking it

543
00:22:25,640 --> 00:22:27,800
Speaker 1: till you make it. And I personally feel that traps

544
00:22:27,840 --> 00:22:32,400
Speaker 1: you into like being a person that you are pressured

545
00:22:32,480 --> 00:22:35,399
Speaker 1: to become before you've actually made it there. And I

546
00:22:35,680 --> 00:22:38,280
Speaker 1: found that really difficult to like have false confidence in,

547
00:22:38,400 --> 00:22:40,239
Speaker 1: like oh, because you know, I do do all the

548
00:22:40,240 --> 00:22:42,520
Speaker 1: things that un necessary. I eat well, I meditate, I

549
00:22:42,560 --> 00:22:43,960
Speaker 1: do all the things that are great for my mind.

550
00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:46,040
Speaker 1: But like, do I actually still feel good about myself? Like,

551
00:22:46,040 --> 00:22:48,119
Speaker 1: do I actually still feel confident? Do I still feel

552
00:22:48,280 --> 00:22:50,439
Speaker 1: great walking into a room? I actually start have so

553
00:22:50,480 --> 00:22:52,040
Speaker 1: much anxiety when I walk into a room. I still

554
00:22:52,040 --> 00:22:55,080
Speaker 1: have so many things that I'm working on where I think, like,

555
00:22:55,560 --> 00:22:58,760
Speaker 1: the confidence has to be something that you actually genuinely

556
00:22:58,760 --> 00:23:01,199
Speaker 1: feel inside. And usually what that means is you're quieter

557
00:23:01,280 --> 00:23:03,200
Speaker 1: when you go out and about, like you're not actually

558
00:23:03,200 --> 00:23:06,600
Speaker 1: that person that you exude it, but in such a natural,

559
00:23:06,840 --> 00:23:10,239
Speaker 1: quietless way. It's so powerful, especially when it's through like

560
00:23:10,400 --> 00:23:13,600
Speaker 1: feminine energy versus masculine energy. It's like feminine energy has

561
00:23:13,600 --> 00:23:15,119
Speaker 1: such a power when you walk into a room and

562
00:23:15,160 --> 00:23:17,840
Speaker 1: you're so comfortable with the energy that you have within you,

563
00:23:18,240 --> 00:23:20,960
Speaker 1: it exudes it but in such an attractive way, like

564
00:23:20,960 --> 00:23:22,520
Speaker 1: people are just attracted.

565
00:23:22,000 --> 00:23:24,120
Speaker 2: To you who you are, and you can't say you're

566
00:23:24,200 --> 00:23:26,520
Speaker 2: like that, it's just exactly it just is. And you

567
00:23:26,640 --> 00:23:28,360
Speaker 2: when things don't get to you as much, when you're

568
00:23:28,400 --> 00:23:31,560
Speaker 2: not when your ego isn't bruised, then you know, oh,

569
00:23:31,600 --> 00:23:33,720
Speaker 2: I trust myself because I know what's going on I

570
00:23:33,720 --> 00:23:35,120
Speaker 2: don't have to respond to any of this.

571
00:23:35,119 --> 00:23:36,720
Speaker 1: And I have to respond. I don't have to react.

572
00:23:36,760 --> 00:23:39,480
Speaker 1: I don't have to prove myself. That's something I find

573
00:23:39,560 --> 00:23:41,720
Speaker 1: so hard with. Even when you know, when you get

574
00:23:41,760 --> 00:23:44,160
Speaker 1: comments on your Instagram, it's like all the sweet ones,

575
00:23:44,200 --> 00:23:47,120
Speaker 1: you're like, uh, cut whatever, whatever, that one that one

576
00:23:47,119 --> 00:23:49,479
Speaker 1: that's like, oh how come you and J haven't had

577
00:23:49,480 --> 00:23:51,560
Speaker 1: babies there? Or oh is this like do you really

578
00:23:51,600 --> 00:23:53,000
Speaker 1: think you should be doing this at this age?

579
00:23:53,119 --> 00:23:56,440
Speaker 2: That I'm like, oh when that one hits, and that's

580
00:23:56,440 --> 00:23:59,040
Speaker 2: when I limit my comments and I'm like, I don't

581
00:23:59,040 --> 00:23:59,399
Speaker 2: want to do it.

582
00:23:59,400 --> 00:24:01,359
Speaker 4: But isn't it crazy that we notice the one and

583
00:24:01,480 --> 00:24:04,280
Speaker 4: just kind of remembering like hundreds of other ones that

584
00:24:04,320 --> 00:24:05,400
Speaker 4: are so positive.

585
00:24:05,440 --> 00:24:08,040
Speaker 1: But that's why, you know when something triggers you, I've

586
00:24:08,040 --> 00:24:10,120
Speaker 1: noticed that as if this is triggering me, it's something

587
00:24:10,119 --> 00:24:12,240
Speaker 1: that I have to work on. I know that the

588
00:24:12,280 --> 00:24:15,200
Speaker 1: comments that trigger me are the ones which I have

589
00:24:15,359 --> 00:24:18,119
Speaker 1: stuff to figure out in myself before I end up

590
00:24:18,119 --> 00:24:19,080
Speaker 1: responding or reacting.

591
00:24:19,200 --> 00:24:21,119
Speaker 4: That was really good advice you gave me Once. I

592
00:24:21,200 --> 00:24:22,720
Speaker 4: was talking about a guy I was dating, and I

593
00:24:22,720 --> 00:24:26,040
Speaker 4: remember you specifically saying, why does it bother you that

594
00:24:26,080 --> 00:24:28,879
Speaker 4: somebody is saying that about him, and if I really

595
00:24:28,920 --> 00:24:31,960
Speaker 4: think about it, it's because I'm insecure about that aspect

596
00:24:32,040 --> 00:24:32,400
Speaker 4: of him.

597
00:24:32,560 --> 00:24:35,119
Speaker 5: Yeah, that was like a mind blowing thing for me

598
00:24:35,200 --> 00:24:35,480
Speaker 5: to hear.

599
00:24:35,560 --> 00:24:37,639
Speaker 4: I was like, dang, you're right, because if somebody said

600
00:24:37,880 --> 00:24:40,919
Speaker 4: he's not X enough or whatever, you wouldn't actually be

601
00:24:40,920 --> 00:24:43,000
Speaker 4: phased by it if you yourself were secure with that.

602
00:24:43,400 --> 00:24:45,680
Speaker 4: So clearly that's something I need to work on. Like look,

603
00:24:45,680 --> 00:24:47,280
Speaker 4: and I think it was you who said this, Like

604
00:24:47,280 --> 00:24:49,680
Speaker 4: look in word versus outword is like why is that, Bob?

605
00:24:49,760 --> 00:24:51,520
Speaker 2: Well, At the end of the day, anything that we

606
00:24:51,560 --> 00:24:53,840
Speaker 2: get upset about as humans, it's because it's a trigger

607
00:24:54,440 --> 00:24:55,160
Speaker 2: from something.

608
00:24:55,480 --> 00:24:57,440
Speaker 1: Because if you think someone is like so good looking,

609
00:24:57,440 --> 00:24:58,679
Speaker 1: like I remember back in the day when I used

610
00:24:58,680 --> 00:25:01,560
Speaker 1: to find people so attractive, and someone would tell me,

611
00:25:01,600 --> 00:25:03,280
Speaker 1: oh my god, he's not even that good looking, or

612
00:25:03,480 --> 00:25:06,080
Speaker 1: why do you even like him? No matter how, no

613
00:25:06,119 --> 00:25:09,000
Speaker 1: matter what thousands of people other people would have said

614
00:25:09,000 --> 00:25:11,280
Speaker 1: to me, if I found them attractive, it would never

615
00:25:11,320 --> 00:25:13,000
Speaker 1: trigger me. I'd be like, whatever, he's I think he's

616
00:25:13,000 --> 00:25:15,640
Speaker 1: the best looking guy I've ever seen. But if you're

617
00:25:15,720 --> 00:25:18,840
Speaker 1: if you actually subconsciously don't feel that way, and someone

618
00:25:18,880 --> 00:25:21,480
Speaker 1: says it, You're like, you've tried to defend it because

619
00:25:21,520 --> 00:25:24,720
Speaker 1: it's something that you probably feel in your core as well. Yeah,

620
00:25:24,760 --> 00:25:28,280
Speaker 1: and so yeah, I feel like it's uh, it's difficult.

621
00:25:28,280 --> 00:25:30,320
Speaker 1: But the confidence that you guys, I feel like I've

622
00:25:30,320 --> 00:25:32,160
Speaker 1: seen even your growth from the moment that I met

623
00:25:32,160 --> 00:25:35,240
Speaker 1: you when you were a podcah, my god, see who

624
00:25:35,320 --> 00:25:36,040
Speaker 1: you are now?

625
00:25:36,280 --> 00:25:36,520
Speaker 3: Girl?

626
00:25:36,600 --> 00:25:38,520
Speaker 2: I need to do that podcast again because I was

627
00:25:38,600 --> 00:25:41,080
Speaker 2: so mean to myself on that podcast and I remember

628
00:25:41,160 --> 00:25:43,240
Speaker 2: I was it took everything for me to get out

629
00:25:43,280 --> 00:25:45,400
Speaker 2: of bed. And you know that's true because I didn't

630
00:25:45,440 --> 00:25:47,359
Speaker 2: put on makeup, I was in sweats, I was in

631
00:25:47,440 --> 00:25:47,680
Speaker 2: a hat.

632
00:25:47,760 --> 00:25:49,359
Speaker 3: I was so depressed. I just didn't want to let

633
00:25:49,440 --> 00:25:49,880
Speaker 3: Jay down.

634
00:25:49,920 --> 00:25:52,320
Speaker 1: But no, but so beautiful that you even have that

635
00:25:52,359 --> 00:25:55,919
Speaker 1: as like as like a memory of of this is

636
00:25:55,960 --> 00:25:57,760
Speaker 1: where I was and this is where I've come to.

637
00:25:57,960 --> 00:26:00,639
Speaker 1: Like how amazing that you have that record and you

638
00:26:00,680 --> 00:26:02,359
Speaker 1: even have that memory, like, don't even think of it

639
00:26:02,400 --> 00:26:03,399
Speaker 1: as a negative memory.

640
00:26:03,520 --> 00:26:05,800
Speaker 4: No, it's so cool to think like it season ten

641
00:26:05,880 --> 00:26:08,879
Speaker 4: of your past what we're saying right now and like

642
00:26:09,320 --> 00:26:11,000
Speaker 4: ten episodes from now?

643
00:26:11,040 --> 00:26:14,879
Speaker 3: How we how who were we are? Like remember back then? Yeah?

644
00:26:15,600 --> 00:26:17,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean I feel like you've both done so

645
00:26:17,920 --> 00:26:20,240
Speaker 1: much growth, And I have to say, like, even from

646
00:26:20,760 --> 00:26:25,000
Speaker 1: mine and your conversations that we've had about your about

647
00:26:25,000 --> 00:26:27,879
Speaker 1: everything that you've been through, you feel I feel like

648
00:26:28,040 --> 00:26:32,640
Speaker 1: seeing you now is where you are attracting the most

649
00:26:32,680 --> 00:26:34,480
Speaker 1: in every part of your life. Like you are wanting

650
00:26:34,520 --> 00:26:36,520
Speaker 1: to go out there, and you are wanting to work out,

651
00:26:36,560 --> 00:26:38,040
Speaker 1: You want to go out there, and you want to

652
00:26:38,080 --> 00:26:39,760
Speaker 1: do like all these things that are good for you.

653
00:26:40,040 --> 00:26:41,600
Speaker 1: And I think when you choose to do things that

654
00:26:41,640 --> 00:26:43,440
Speaker 1: are good for you, good comes to you. But if

655
00:26:43,440 --> 00:26:45,840
Speaker 1: that's so true, and it seeps from every part of

656
00:26:45,880 --> 00:26:47,639
Speaker 1: your life, like if you choose in your life that

657
00:26:47,680 --> 00:26:49,720
Speaker 1: I'm gonna and I've noticed in my life whenever I'm

658
00:26:49,760 --> 00:26:53,560
Speaker 1: like comfort of eating and doing activities in my life

659
00:26:53,560 --> 00:26:56,280
Speaker 1: that actually bring me down in some way, it then

660
00:26:56,320 --> 00:26:59,399
Speaker 1: that attitude and that mentality seeps through every part of it.

661
00:26:59,440 --> 00:27:01,720
Speaker 1: So then I'm late in my relationships, I'm lazier in

662
00:27:01,760 --> 00:27:04,280
Speaker 1: my friendships, I'm lazier in my day to day life.

663
00:27:04,280 --> 00:27:07,920
Speaker 1: Because you can't just control being like not bad, I

664
00:27:07,960 --> 00:27:10,119
Speaker 1: don't like using bad, but you can't control yourself just

665
00:27:10,760 --> 00:27:13,159
Speaker 1: being a lower version of yourself in one area of

666
00:27:13,200 --> 00:27:15,240
Speaker 1: your life, because if you are that in one area,

667
00:27:15,320 --> 00:27:17,600
Speaker 1: it ends up trickling into every other area of your

668
00:27:17,640 --> 00:27:19,800
Speaker 1: life too, So you have to elevate in every area.

669
00:27:20,160 --> 00:27:22,040
Speaker 2: One of the things that I love about the three

670
00:27:22,080 --> 00:27:24,320
Speaker 2: of us that we all do is, let's say we're

671
00:27:24,400 --> 00:27:27,320
Speaker 2: venting about something or something triggers us.

672
00:27:27,359 --> 00:27:28,359
Speaker 3: All three of us do this.

673
00:27:28,560 --> 00:27:30,280
Speaker 2: We stop ourselves and we look at each other and

674
00:27:30,359 --> 00:27:32,600
Speaker 2: we say, I know that's ego talking, but that's just

675
00:27:32,600 --> 00:27:34,840
Speaker 2: how I feel right now, or I know I'm just

676
00:27:34,880 --> 00:27:36,880
Speaker 2: being triggered and it means this, but I just need

677
00:27:36,920 --> 00:27:38,879
Speaker 2: to let this out and then we move on. And

678
00:27:38,960 --> 00:27:41,879
Speaker 2: we're so good at calling ourselves out and then letting

679
00:27:41,920 --> 00:27:44,280
Speaker 2: it go, which is now why I'm saying it's important

680
00:27:44,320 --> 00:27:47,680
Speaker 2: to trust yourself because you trust your character so much,

681
00:27:47,720 --> 00:27:49,399
Speaker 2: you trust who you are, You trust who you are,

682
00:27:49,440 --> 00:27:50,120
Speaker 2: You're like, I know.

683
00:27:50,040 --> 00:27:51,639
Speaker 3: Where I'm going with this. Let me just get it

684
00:27:51,640 --> 00:27:53,120
Speaker 3: out and keep it moving and.

685
00:27:53,160 --> 00:27:55,879
Speaker 4: Accepting that there's phases to life, right because when we

686
00:27:55,960 --> 00:28:00,159
Speaker 4: first met, I just started building my company. And I

687
00:28:00,160 --> 00:28:02,159
Speaker 4: think it just because if there's anyone listening to this

688
00:28:02,240 --> 00:28:04,600
Speaker 4: that is an entrepreneur like building their own business, I

689
00:28:04,640 --> 00:28:08,320
Speaker 4: just want them to give grace to themselves too, because Yeah,

690
00:28:08,359 --> 00:28:11,000
Speaker 4: I wasn't healthy. Then I was drinking a lot, I

691
00:28:11,080 --> 00:28:14,119
Speaker 4: was eating like crap, I wasn't sleeping well. I was

692
00:28:14,480 --> 00:28:16,520
Speaker 4: taking melatonin to try and fall asleep, and then I

693
00:28:16,520 --> 00:28:18,679
Speaker 4: would maybe like drink a glass of wine. I was

694
00:28:18,680 --> 00:28:20,880
Speaker 4: doing all these things that I knew was not good

695
00:28:20,880 --> 00:28:23,919
Speaker 4: for my body. That said, I think the journey of

696
00:28:23,920 --> 00:28:27,600
Speaker 4: building a business is so mentally, emotionally physically taxing that

697
00:28:28,600 --> 00:28:32,200
Speaker 4: I'm giving myself grace and knowing that, like, I had

698
00:28:32,200 --> 00:28:34,399
Speaker 4: to do certain things to cope with how I was feeling.

699
00:28:34,480 --> 00:28:36,720
Speaker 4: I'm not saying or excusing or saying that that is

700
00:28:36,760 --> 00:28:38,680
Speaker 4: the way to do it, but I think when you

701
00:28:38,680 --> 00:28:40,920
Speaker 4: reflect on it, you have to give yourself grace and say, like,

702
00:28:41,160 --> 00:28:42,920
Speaker 4: that was a season of life that I went through

703
00:28:42,960 --> 00:28:44,960
Speaker 4: to get to where I am now. To now say

704
00:28:45,240 --> 00:28:48,360
Speaker 4: I'm prioritizing me. It's just too hard to say you're

705
00:28:48,360 --> 00:28:51,120
Speaker 4: doing it all. You can't give you all you want

706
00:28:51,120 --> 00:28:53,720
Speaker 4: to this business that you're literally building from scratch, and

707
00:28:53,840 --> 00:28:56,040
Speaker 4: to yourself and to your friends and to your family

708
00:28:56,400 --> 00:28:59,440
Speaker 4: and to you know, your employees and everything. It's like,

709
00:28:59,520 --> 00:29:01,240
Speaker 4: I think you just have to be okay with the

710
00:29:01,280 --> 00:29:03,680
Speaker 4: fact that there are seasons to life, and you can't

711
00:29:03,680 --> 00:29:07,200
Speaker 4: do everything great at once, no, I think, if anything,

712
00:29:07,200 --> 00:29:09,280
Speaker 4: and this drives you crazy when people think it. And

713
00:29:09,320 --> 00:29:11,480
Speaker 4: that's why I'm glad you're doing this podcast, honestly, because

714
00:29:11,520 --> 00:29:13,640
Speaker 4: everybody is human, even RADI, which I know.

715
00:29:13,680 --> 00:29:16,960
Speaker 5: Is hard for everyone to say that, but she is, no.

716
00:29:17,000 --> 00:29:19,800
Speaker 4: But you are, because like it is interesting to hear that,

717
00:29:19,880 --> 00:29:23,000
Speaker 4: like everybody goes through their journey. She's just more like

718
00:29:23,720 --> 00:29:26,400
Speaker 4: working on herself and it inspires everyone around her to

719
00:29:26,440 --> 00:29:29,560
Speaker 4: work on herselves, like I genuinely want to. I'm not

720
00:29:29,640 --> 00:29:33,120
Speaker 4: a perfect vegan at all, but I try right and

721
00:29:33,360 --> 00:29:35,880
Speaker 4: I feel better when I do it. But it's okay

722
00:29:35,920 --> 00:29:38,080
Speaker 4: if I'm not perfect, and I think that's the key thing.

723
00:29:38,120 --> 00:29:40,440
Speaker 4: I just want like people listening to know that, like

724
00:29:40,600 --> 00:29:42,880
Speaker 4: it is a journey, yes, and that's okay.

725
00:29:43,040 --> 00:29:45,040
Speaker 1: Oh it's so okay. I feel like even though I

726
00:29:45,080 --> 00:29:47,120
Speaker 1: love food and I talk about healthy food, it's like

727
00:29:47,520 --> 00:29:50,360
Speaker 1: my comfort just like yours was maybe wine or yours

728
00:29:50,400 --> 00:29:53,120
Speaker 1: maybe something different, Like I know, mine is always food.

729
00:29:53,160 --> 00:29:55,640
Speaker 1: And so in every single part of thing, like there

730
00:29:55,720 --> 00:29:57,760
Speaker 1: is there is a good aspect to something and there

731
00:29:57,800 --> 00:30:00,000
Speaker 1: is a bad aspect to it, and so over indulging

732
00:30:00,080 --> 00:30:03,240
Speaker 1: in anything, whether it's alcohol, whether it's a stimulant, whether

733
00:30:03,280 --> 00:30:06,320
Speaker 1: it's a melotonin, whether it's food, Everything can have a

734
00:30:06,360 --> 00:30:08,720
Speaker 1: negative effect to you. So for me, it's like my

735
00:30:09,160 --> 00:30:13,200
Speaker 1: uncontrollable nature is towards food. Like I know, when I'm sad, mad, angry,

736
00:30:13,440 --> 00:30:15,280
Speaker 1: I either cry or I eat, Like those are my

737
00:30:15,360 --> 00:30:18,960
Speaker 1: two releases and so and that's not a healthy place

738
00:30:18,960 --> 00:30:20,760
Speaker 1: to be in. And so for me, I'm trying to

739
00:30:20,800 --> 00:30:22,240
Speaker 1: control that. And people may be like, oh, it's just

740
00:30:22,240 --> 00:30:24,280
Speaker 1: food whatever, but it's still a vice, Like it's still

741
00:30:24,320 --> 00:30:27,480
Speaker 1: something that takes control over me. And so I think,

742
00:30:27,720 --> 00:30:30,000
Speaker 1: and it has to be things that you do little

743
00:30:30,000 --> 00:30:31,440
Speaker 1: bit at a time. I know, I've always been that

744
00:30:31,480 --> 00:30:33,720
Speaker 1: person where I wake up and I'm like, today's reset.

745
00:30:33,920 --> 00:30:35,760
Speaker 1: I'm going to reset every single thing in my whole

746
00:30:35,880 --> 00:30:37,760
Speaker 1: entire life. We're gonna eat good, we're gonna sleep good,

747
00:30:37,760 --> 00:30:40,640
Speaker 1: We're gonna for a workout every single day. And then

748
00:30:40,680 --> 00:30:42,520
Speaker 1: you say all the oh, I'm gonna read sixty minutes

749
00:30:42,520 --> 00:30:45,680
Speaker 1: a day, I'm gonna journal, I'm gonna do gallon of water.

750
00:30:45,960 --> 00:30:49,560
Speaker 2: We give ourselves so much responsibility and there's only really

751
00:30:49,640 --> 00:30:50,960
Speaker 2: what twelve.

752
00:30:50,600 --> 00:30:52,320
Speaker 3: Hours that we have energy.

753
00:30:52,560 --> 00:30:55,560
Speaker 1: H disappoint yourself, like I've disappointed myself so much, and

754
00:30:55,680 --> 00:30:58,280
Speaker 1: you know what that does. It makes you not trust

755
00:30:58,280 --> 00:31:00,760
Speaker 1: in yourself and then you actually feel so about yourself

756
00:31:00,800 --> 00:31:01,479
Speaker 1: and I know that.

757
00:31:01,640 --> 00:31:03,680
Speaker 3: Don't set yourself up for failure. And that's what we do.

758
00:31:03,800 --> 00:31:07,320
Speaker 3: Like I send myself three things to do in a day.

759
00:31:07,480 --> 00:31:08,400
Speaker 3: That's even a lot.

760
00:31:08,560 --> 00:31:10,760
Speaker 2: Like if it's five o'clock and I'm done, even though

761
00:31:10,760 --> 00:31:13,800
Speaker 2: that's after work hours, I'm like, I'm there, I'm wasting time.

762
00:31:14,440 --> 00:31:17,120
Speaker 4: It's also the extreams of like saying I'm cutting out

763
00:31:17,160 --> 00:31:19,040
Speaker 4: alcohol complete God.

764
00:31:19,080 --> 00:31:21,560
Speaker 3: And I said and done that I say it.

765
00:31:21,720 --> 00:31:23,760
Speaker 2: I mean, I say I'm not drinking during the week,

766
00:31:23,840 --> 00:31:25,360
Speaker 2: and I haven't seen that totally.

767
00:31:25,520 --> 00:31:27,760
Speaker 4: But like it's it's the extremes of that rather than

768
00:31:27,800 --> 00:31:29,480
Speaker 4: just saying, like, you know what, I'm gonna have like

769
00:31:29,640 --> 00:31:30,840
Speaker 4: a glass instead of.

770
00:31:30,840 --> 00:31:35,120
Speaker 5: A bottle whatever your version of that is right and.

771
00:31:37,160 --> 00:31:37,720
Speaker 3: Exactly.

772
00:31:37,920 --> 00:31:39,800
Speaker 4: So it's like but that, but but then you woke

773
00:31:39,880 --> 00:31:42,200
Speaker 4: up today, we went to hot yoga this morning, and

774
00:31:42,240 --> 00:31:43,920
Speaker 4: like now we're having chi with Roddy. We're gonna have

775
00:31:43,920 --> 00:31:45,800
Speaker 4: dinner at Roddy's, which is obviously going to be cleansed

776
00:31:45,840 --> 00:31:48,440
Speaker 4: and good breast here. I just think it's like, I

777
00:31:48,480 --> 00:31:50,240
Speaker 4: don't want to be so hard on myself.

778
00:31:50,240 --> 00:31:52,280
Speaker 5: We're so hard at ourselves, and.

779
00:31:53,040 --> 00:31:55,600
Speaker 4: It's just so important to remember that, like we're doing

780
00:31:55,640 --> 00:31:58,560
Speaker 4: the best we can and that idea of gratitude, which

781
00:31:58,560 --> 00:32:01,040
Speaker 4: again is something you've taught me, and like reflecting at

782
00:32:01,040 --> 00:32:02,440
Speaker 4: the end of the day to say, I did better

783
00:32:02,440 --> 00:32:04,640
Speaker 4: than I did the day before, and maybe today wasn't

784
00:32:04,680 --> 00:32:05,920
Speaker 4: as great as the day before, but I'm going to

785
00:32:05,960 --> 00:32:06,960
Speaker 4: try again better tomorrow.

786
00:32:07,280 --> 00:32:10,000
Speaker 5: Yeah, but it doesn't have to be so black and white, No.

787
00:32:10,000 --> 00:32:12,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, it doesn't. It puts too much pressure. And you

788
00:32:12,640 --> 00:32:15,040
Speaker 1: have to remember you're comparing yourselves against the best of

789
00:32:15,080 --> 00:32:16,960
Speaker 1: everybody that you see. And I'm going to be the

790
00:32:16,960 --> 00:32:19,720
Speaker 1: first day that I wow comparing yourself to the best

791
00:32:19,800 --> 00:32:23,280
Speaker 1: version that you are seeing of another person, and just

792
00:32:23,640 --> 00:32:25,640
Speaker 1: like the best way to actually take that away is

793
00:32:25,680 --> 00:32:27,840
Speaker 1: compare yourself to the day before and even if today

794
00:32:27,960 --> 00:32:30,200
Speaker 1: is even worse what you're saying, like, even if today

795
00:32:30,320 --> 00:32:33,240
Speaker 1: is worse than it was yesterday, just no better exists

796
00:32:33,280 --> 00:32:35,040
Speaker 1: the next day. And you have to set yourself up

797
00:32:35,040 --> 00:32:37,360
Speaker 1: for the opportunity to do that if you start, like

798
00:32:37,600 --> 00:32:40,280
Speaker 1: every time I have bad bouts of meditation, or like

799
00:32:40,360 --> 00:32:43,000
Speaker 1: I can't concentrate in it, or I feel really distracted

800
00:32:43,080 --> 00:32:45,560
Speaker 1: during the day. I like focus throughout my day a lot,

801
00:32:45,600 --> 00:32:47,440
Speaker 1: and I'm so hard on myself when i get to

802
00:32:47,480 --> 00:32:49,200
Speaker 1: the end of the day and I'm like, why can't

803
00:32:49,200 --> 00:32:51,480
Speaker 1: I just get so much done like Jada's or like

804
00:32:51,520 --> 00:32:53,320
Speaker 1: deep Sus or like anybody else is like why is

805
00:32:53,360 --> 00:32:55,920
Speaker 1: it so difficult for me? And I realize, I'm like, okay, cool,

806
00:32:55,960 --> 00:32:57,880
Speaker 1: even if it's an extra fifteen minutes the next day,

807
00:32:57,880 --> 00:33:00,200
Speaker 1: then I'm sitting at my desk and working, even if

808
00:33:00,240 --> 00:33:02,640
Speaker 1: it is a little bit more attention that I'm paying

809
00:33:02,640 --> 00:33:04,600
Speaker 1: in my meditation the next day. It doesn't have to

810
00:33:04,640 --> 00:33:08,080
Speaker 1: be so extreme, Like it just doesn't have to be.

811
00:33:07,800 --> 00:33:10,400
Speaker 4: Because like you do in our meditation a day, right, Yeah,

812
00:33:10,480 --> 00:33:13,040
Speaker 4: And I am so proud of my five minutes exactly.

813
00:33:13,280 --> 00:33:15,400
Speaker 4: I'm not kidding, because that is five minutes instead of

814
00:33:15,400 --> 00:33:18,320
Speaker 4: grabbing my phone and like doing something. I've been listening

815
00:33:18,320 --> 00:33:20,280
Speaker 4: to the Daily Jay in the morning. That's seven minutes.

816
00:33:20,320 --> 00:33:22,280
Speaker 4: And while it's I'm making my bed, it's not like

817
00:33:22,360 --> 00:33:24,160
Speaker 4: I'm you know what I mean, that's still meditative.

818
00:33:24,200 --> 00:33:24,640
Speaker 5: I think this.

819
00:33:24,680 --> 00:33:26,520
Speaker 4: Idea of like the way that I've seen Rady do

820
00:33:26,560 --> 00:33:27,880
Speaker 4: it where she's sitting there for an hour and half

821
00:33:27,960 --> 00:33:31,840
Speaker 4: chanting is like a dream goal. But I know myself

822
00:33:31,880 --> 00:33:33,720
Speaker 4: and I think, as long as it works for me

823
00:33:33,760 --> 00:33:36,880
Speaker 4: and creates the stillness I need in my day, that's enough.

824
00:33:36,960 --> 00:33:39,720
Speaker 1: That's what I'm a worry for completely. And the comparison

825
00:33:39,840 --> 00:33:42,320
Speaker 1: just has to be between us and ourselves. Like every

826
00:33:42,360 --> 00:33:44,840
Speaker 1: time you do it with anybody else, it's always setting

827
00:33:44,880 --> 00:33:47,560
Speaker 1: yourself up for fat. You can have aspirations and people

828
00:33:47,560 --> 00:33:50,320
Speaker 1: that you admire, but I think like there's a difference

829
00:33:50,320 --> 00:33:53,720
Speaker 1: between admiring and putting someone and idolizing someone to the

830
00:33:53,720 --> 00:33:56,280
Speaker 1: point that you're trying to, like trying to create the

831
00:33:56,360 --> 00:33:58,560
Speaker 1: life they have, because we all have individual lives. Like

832
00:33:58,600 --> 00:33:59,520
Speaker 1: it just doesn't make anything.

833
00:33:59,600 --> 00:34:02,160
Speaker 4: But also think of how completely different all three now

834
00:34:02,440 --> 00:34:04,600
Speaker 4: there's so much same same, but there's obviously so much

835
00:34:04,600 --> 00:34:07,400
Speaker 4: different stuff, right, Like you're not looking at me and saying,

836
00:34:07,440 --> 00:34:09,640
Speaker 4: oh my gosh, I need to learn how to start

837
00:34:09,640 --> 00:34:11,040
Speaker 4: a company and raise X amount of.

838
00:34:11,040 --> 00:34:12,440
Speaker 1: Dollars to stand for it.

839
00:34:13,160 --> 00:34:14,799
Speaker 4: And I admire you for your hour and a half

840
00:34:14,840 --> 00:34:17,360
Speaker 4: in the morning meditation and your your daily commitment to

841
00:34:17,400 --> 00:34:20,160
Speaker 4: exercise and eating well. But I also know that I

842
00:34:20,200 --> 00:34:22,440
Speaker 4: need to make that version for my own life, the

843
00:34:22,480 --> 00:34:24,600
Speaker 4: same way you are doing all these amazing things like

844
00:34:24,640 --> 00:34:27,920
Speaker 4: starting this podcast, writing your book, what makes sense for your.

845
00:34:27,800 --> 00:34:31,200
Speaker 2: Life, but you're not putting the pressure on yourself to

846
00:34:31,239 --> 00:34:33,399
Speaker 2: do it right now. And what I and what I'm

847
00:34:33,440 --> 00:34:36,399
Speaker 2: proud of and I want everyone to understand, is it's

848
00:34:36,440 --> 00:34:38,799
Speaker 2: a goal of yours. You have five minutes, but you

849
00:34:38,880 --> 00:34:41,400
Speaker 2: have other priorities and you're focusing on that right now,

850
00:34:41,440 --> 00:34:42,960
Speaker 2: and you know eventually you want to get there.

851
00:34:42,960 --> 00:34:44,440
Speaker 3: You're not putting so much pressure on yourself.

852
00:34:44,760 --> 00:34:46,719
Speaker 2: We can have goals and we can have dreams and like,

853
00:34:46,760 --> 00:34:48,279
Speaker 2: eventually I want to get here, but we don't have

854
00:34:48,320 --> 00:34:49,760
Speaker 2: to do it right now.

855
00:34:50,280 --> 00:34:52,520
Speaker 5: I'm seeing it with you with this Alsa brand I know,

856
00:34:52,760 --> 00:34:53,360
Speaker 5: so dope.

857
00:34:53,400 --> 00:34:55,880
Speaker 4: Like she's like, right now you're not doing you know,

858
00:34:55,880 --> 00:34:57,960
Speaker 4: you're in between seasons for your show, and it's like,

859
00:34:58,400 --> 00:35:00,160
Speaker 4: you know what, I'm going to focus on some something

860
00:35:00,200 --> 00:35:02,200
Speaker 4: else that brings me join. I'm seeing this whole other

861
00:35:02,280 --> 00:35:04,000
Speaker 4: business side to you that you're tapping in so.

862
00:35:04,000 --> 00:35:05,000
Speaker 1: We didn't even know about.

863
00:35:05,120 --> 00:35:06,440
Speaker 3: I don't know.

864
00:35:06,680 --> 00:35:08,960
Speaker 2: I really do, and I really appreciate when you talk

865
00:35:09,000 --> 00:35:11,120
Speaker 2: about your business. You're very open about it because I'm

866
00:35:11,160 --> 00:35:13,880
Speaker 2: learning and you know, both of you, I've come with questions.

867
00:35:13,920 --> 00:35:15,239
Speaker 3: I'm like, I don't really know what I'm doing.

868
00:35:15,239 --> 00:35:17,480
Speaker 2: This is new, and you guys are so willing to

869
00:35:17,520 --> 00:35:19,480
Speaker 2: share knowledge because you guys want to see me win.

870
00:35:19,560 --> 00:35:21,239
Speaker 3: It's a great friendship to be a part of it.

871
00:35:21,239 --> 00:35:24,160
Speaker 4: I will say the greatest value that has come in

872
00:35:24,160 --> 00:35:26,640
Speaker 4: my life at this age is having a circle of

873
00:35:26,680 --> 00:35:29,359
Speaker 4: friends that want to see you win. There has never

874
00:35:29,440 --> 00:35:31,720
Speaker 4: been a conversation that we have had that is negative

875
00:35:31,760 --> 00:35:34,440
Speaker 4: about others. We have no time to talk about or

876
00:35:34,480 --> 00:35:37,320
Speaker 4: gossip about others because we're too busy focusing on helping

877
00:35:37,360 --> 00:35:39,719
Speaker 4: our You can breathe in each other.

878
00:35:39,840 --> 00:35:42,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, I know, I really I completely agree and I

879
00:35:42,560 --> 00:35:44,080
Speaker 1: one of the things I wanted to ask you guys

880
00:35:44,120 --> 00:35:47,080
Speaker 1: is how have you found building a community? Have you

881
00:35:47,080 --> 00:35:48,759
Speaker 1: had a time in your life where you haven't had

882
00:35:48,800 --> 00:35:52,240
Speaker 1: friendship or community? And then the other thing I wanted

883
00:35:52,239 --> 00:35:55,440
Speaker 1: to talk about was us how you know you are

884
00:35:55,480 --> 00:35:58,279
Speaker 1: a good friend and how how you assess your friends

885
00:35:58,320 --> 00:36:00,400
Speaker 1: as being good friends. So let's the off. Have you

886
00:36:00,440 --> 00:36:03,560
Speaker 1: always had like, have you always had people in your

887
00:36:03,600 --> 00:36:06,279
Speaker 1: life that you feel have got you, understood you and

888
00:36:06,480 --> 00:36:08,160
Speaker 1: been part of your life in a positive way.

889
00:36:08,239 --> 00:36:10,120
Speaker 4: I'm so curious to hear you say this because she

890
00:36:10,320 --> 00:36:13,960
Speaker 4: was born and raised in Los Angeles, so it's interesting.

891
00:36:14,080 --> 00:36:17,040
Speaker 2: Yes and no, I mean, I'm one of the lucky

892
00:36:17,080 --> 00:36:19,680
Speaker 2: ones to say that I'm still best friends with my

893
00:36:19,920 --> 00:36:23,480
Speaker 2: best friends from high school. That is like less than

894
00:36:23,520 --> 00:36:26,720
Speaker 2: a handful of people. I've met a lot of people

895
00:36:26,840 --> 00:36:30,160
Speaker 2: in the business growing up. Some I've been close with,

896
00:36:30,960 --> 00:36:33,200
Speaker 2: some I'm not so close with anymore. I've had a

897
00:36:33,239 --> 00:36:36,000
Speaker 2: different season of friends, and then there was a season

898
00:36:36,160 --> 00:36:39,680
Speaker 2: or two or three where I had no friends, and

899
00:36:40,040 --> 00:36:43,480
Speaker 2: I blamed everyone else at that time for those things.

900
00:36:43,719 --> 00:36:46,320
Speaker 2: But again, I didn't trust myself. I didn't like myself,

901
00:36:46,360 --> 00:36:48,239
Speaker 2: and there was no reason I was going to look

902
00:36:48,320 --> 00:36:51,680
Speaker 2: into myself to see what the common denominator was with anything.

903
00:36:52,040 --> 00:36:54,160
Speaker 2: And even around the time, like after I met you,

904
00:36:54,280 --> 00:36:55,680
Speaker 2: like I mean, it took a while for us to

905
00:36:55,719 --> 00:36:58,760
Speaker 2: get close. But I love how long it took because

906
00:36:58,760 --> 00:37:01,880
Speaker 2: that means it was natural and it just flowed easily.

907
00:37:01,960 --> 00:37:03,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, I wasn't forced at all.

908
00:37:03,400 --> 00:37:08,240
Speaker 2: But anyways, so I've learned that there's seasons for people

909
00:37:08,400 --> 00:37:11,520
Speaker 2: and sometimes not only are some people not good for

910
00:37:11,640 --> 00:37:14,640
Speaker 2: you where they're at in life, but I had to

911
00:37:14,719 --> 00:37:16,920
Speaker 2: accept that I just wasn't in a place where I

912
00:37:17,040 --> 00:37:20,600
Speaker 2: was healthy for someone because I was so toxic and

913
00:37:20,640 --> 00:37:26,680
Speaker 2: depressed and just talking crazy and thinking differently. I essentially,

914
00:37:26,760 --> 00:37:28,480
Speaker 2: you know, I grew up with both my parents. My

915
00:37:28,560 --> 00:37:30,880
Speaker 2: dad was focused on work and my mom you know,

916
00:37:31,080 --> 00:37:33,680
Speaker 2: had again other not I don't want to say it's

917
00:37:33,680 --> 00:37:35,960
Speaker 2: about other priorities, but she had two other kids just

918
00:37:35,960 --> 00:37:38,280
Speaker 2: to worry about. And I started working when I was sixteen,

919
00:37:38,360 --> 00:37:40,200
Speaker 2: so I was off on my merry way.

920
00:37:40,239 --> 00:37:42,160
Speaker 3: I raised myself. Yeah, so it took a while for

921
00:37:42,200 --> 00:37:44,160
Speaker 3: me to catch up. So here.

922
00:37:44,280 --> 00:37:46,200
Speaker 2: Yes, there are a lot of friends that were very

923
00:37:46,200 --> 00:37:49,960
Speaker 2: patient with me throughout those rough seasons in my life,

924
00:37:50,120 --> 00:37:53,839
Speaker 2: and then there are those that weren't. And even though

925
00:37:53,880 --> 00:37:56,080
Speaker 2: I'm where I'm at right now, I think it's just

926
00:37:56,160 --> 00:37:57,960
Speaker 2: healthier this way, and I've had to accept that.

927
00:37:58,440 --> 00:37:59,759
Speaker 1: And even the friends that you do have, that guy

928
00:37:59,800 --> 00:38:02,360
Speaker 1: think with us, we had seasons where we were in

929
00:38:02,400 --> 00:38:04,120
Speaker 1: each other's life and then suddenly we had a gap

930
00:38:04,160 --> 00:38:06,000
Speaker 1: where we probably didn't speak for a little bit. I

931
00:38:06,080 --> 00:38:08,120
Speaker 1: remember we had like at least a year or something

932
00:38:08,120 --> 00:38:09,759
Speaker 1: where we were meeting a lot, and then we kind

933
00:38:09,760 --> 00:38:10,640
Speaker 1: of lost.

934
00:38:10,680 --> 00:38:12,719
Speaker 3: Na I never even went to that last house you

935
00:38:12,760 --> 00:38:14,400
Speaker 3: lived in. Yeah, like I didn't even know about it.

936
00:38:14,400 --> 00:38:16,680
Speaker 1: And there wasn't like a serious reason for it. I

937
00:38:16,760 --> 00:38:19,239
Speaker 1: think you just it's so nice to be able to

938
00:38:19,280 --> 00:38:21,239
Speaker 1: flow in and out of friendships, not that you don't

939
00:38:21,239 --> 00:38:23,319
Speaker 1: want to commit to them or show up for them,

940
00:38:23,360 --> 00:38:26,719
Speaker 1: but when it doesn't feel right, it's okay to take

941
00:38:26,760 --> 00:38:28,760
Speaker 1: a step back. I've done that with friends in London,

942
00:38:28,800 --> 00:38:31,799
Speaker 1: where we actually were just fundamentally not getting along and

943
00:38:31,840 --> 00:38:34,360
Speaker 1: we were pushing it trying to like stay friends, irritating

944
00:38:34,400 --> 00:38:35,799
Speaker 1: each other every time we were on the phone to

945
00:38:35,840 --> 00:38:39,200
Speaker 1: each other, just not on the right wavelength at all,

946
00:38:39,239 --> 00:38:40,520
Speaker 1: and it got to a point where we just had

947
00:38:40,520 --> 00:38:42,440
Speaker 1: to be, like, I think we need to Just like

948
00:38:42,480 --> 00:38:44,200
Speaker 1: one of my best friends, we had to have like

949
00:38:44,200 --> 00:38:46,759
Speaker 1: a two year gap where we basically didn't speak and

950
00:38:46,840 --> 00:38:50,680
Speaker 1: now we're best friends again. Every other day we connected again.

951
00:38:50,760 --> 00:38:52,799
Speaker 1: We both had different changes we had to make to

952
00:38:52,840 --> 00:38:56,360
Speaker 1: be able to understand and tolerate and accept one another

953
00:38:56,360 --> 00:38:58,400
Speaker 1: for who we were. But I think it's nice to

954
00:38:58,440 --> 00:39:00,440
Speaker 1: have you have seasonal friends, but then you also have

955
00:39:00,560 --> 00:39:04,000
Speaker 1: seasonal friendships and relationships. Even with us, like we haven't

956
00:39:04,000 --> 00:39:06,240
Speaker 1: gone out of being friends but there will be plenty

957
00:39:06,280 --> 00:39:09,240
Speaker 1: of months where if I'm not here, we won't even speak.

958
00:39:09,239 --> 00:39:11,680
Speaker 1: Well maybe message here and there. Ye, But as soon

959
00:39:11,719 --> 00:39:13,520
Speaker 1: as we're back in contact or as soon as we're

960
00:39:13,520 --> 00:39:16,080
Speaker 1: back in the same place, we reconnect in the same way.

961
00:39:16,080 --> 00:39:19,680
Speaker 1: There's no hard feelings, there's no sense of you weren't

962
00:39:19,719 --> 00:39:21,400
Speaker 1: there for me, or you didn't do this for me.

963
00:39:21,520 --> 00:39:24,439
Speaker 1: I think it's just the understanding of where everybody's at

964
00:39:24,440 --> 00:39:26,160
Speaker 1: and when you put too much pressure, just like in

965
00:39:26,160 --> 00:39:28,520
Speaker 1: a relationship, if you put too much pressure on another

966
00:39:28,560 --> 00:39:31,879
Speaker 1: person and you're in a friendship, it can be so suffocating.

967
00:39:31,880 --> 00:39:33,040
Speaker 1: And I've had that in my life.

968
00:39:32,920 --> 00:39:35,319
Speaker 2: Suffocating that you just wonder, I mean, and maybe this

969
00:39:35,400 --> 00:39:37,120
Speaker 2: is just an LA thing, what are the motives?

970
00:39:37,200 --> 00:39:37,319
Speaker 1: Like?

971
00:39:37,400 --> 00:39:40,880
Speaker 2: That's why I keep talking about how ours wasn't forced. Yeah,

972
00:39:41,160 --> 00:39:43,279
Speaker 2: I mean, neither one of us had a motive behind anything.

973
00:39:43,320 --> 00:39:45,239
Speaker 2: And I've noticed a lot that when people try to

974
00:39:45,239 --> 00:39:48,600
Speaker 2: force a friendship with me, there was alter your motives

975
00:39:49,040 --> 00:39:51,560
Speaker 2: and or vice versa. Sometimes you know, you try to

976
00:39:51,560 --> 00:39:53,200
Speaker 2: force a friendship with someone and like you.

977
00:39:53,080 --> 00:39:54,239
Speaker 3: Have to sit back and be like, why am I

978
00:39:54,239 --> 00:39:54,600
Speaker 3: doing that?

979
00:39:54,719 --> 00:39:57,160
Speaker 1: Yes, but I will say there is something that I

980
00:39:57,200 --> 00:39:58,640
Speaker 1: love about you know, I used to be really shy

981
00:39:58,719 --> 00:40:00,919
Speaker 1: at starting friendships because I to worry of what people

982
00:40:00,920 --> 00:40:03,719
Speaker 1: would yes about, Like, oh, do they think I'm too much?

983
00:40:03,760 --> 00:40:05,560
Speaker 1: Do they think that I'm like want to talk to

984
00:40:05,600 --> 00:40:07,760
Speaker 1: them for a reason? Do they want so I would

985
00:40:07,800 --> 00:40:09,839
Speaker 1: like set my intention of why I wanted them as

986
00:40:09,880 --> 00:40:11,840
Speaker 1: my friend, But then I would go hard. I'd be like,

987
00:40:12,040 --> 00:40:14,400
Speaker 1: come here, go to this place, come to this.

988
00:40:14,760 --> 00:40:16,120
Speaker 3: Did you prove to you that I'm fun?

989
00:40:16,280 --> 00:40:16,520
Speaker 2: Yeah?

990
00:40:16,560 --> 00:40:18,640
Speaker 1: Every single day. But what I mean is once I

991
00:40:18,760 --> 00:40:21,520
Speaker 1: set the intention, it allowed me to just be freely myself.

992
00:40:21,560 --> 00:40:23,640
Speaker 1: So I love when I met someone that I like,

993
00:40:24,000 --> 00:40:26,160
Speaker 1: I will want to Like if I'm by myself and

994
00:40:26,160 --> 00:40:27,680
Speaker 1: like Jay's not here, I will want to spend every

995
00:40:27,680 --> 00:40:29,440
Speaker 1: single day with that person. I'll be like, Let's go

996
00:40:29,440 --> 00:40:31,520
Speaker 1: to this yoga class, this yego class, this yoga Classlet's

997
00:40:31,520 --> 00:40:33,239
Speaker 1: go for a walk, Let's do this the next day,

998
00:40:33,320 --> 00:40:35,160
Speaker 1: Let's go for a meal, come over, hang out.

999
00:40:35,200 --> 00:40:38,160
Speaker 2: Like yes, maybe that is a real thing because I

1000
00:40:38,960 --> 00:40:40,920
Speaker 2: am so full on and I don't think.

1001
00:40:40,800 --> 00:40:41,239
Speaker 5: They're like that.

1002
00:40:41,440 --> 00:40:42,880
Speaker 3: Yeah, I love it, though.

1003
00:40:42,760 --> 00:40:44,759
Speaker 1: I don't like hiding that because I feel like that

1004
00:40:44,880 --> 00:40:46,440
Speaker 1: is part of me. But at the same time, I

1005
00:40:46,480 --> 00:40:48,520
Speaker 1: have to know my intention before I'm doing it. That

1006
00:40:48,640 --> 00:40:51,320
Speaker 1: makes me feel comfortable, and I think it helps to

1007
00:40:51,480 --> 00:40:54,120
Speaker 1: just break the ice so much faster of I like

1008
00:40:54,120 --> 00:40:56,000
Speaker 1: getting to That's the same as I'm in a relationship.

1009
00:40:55,960 --> 00:40:57,600
Speaker 1: But I'm like, listen, let's go in, let's figure out

1010
00:40:57,600 --> 00:40:59,520
Speaker 1: if we like each other, let's spend ten days in

1011
00:40:59,520 --> 00:41:02,200
Speaker 1: a row sick. If we get along, we get along.

1012
00:41:02,239 --> 00:41:04,480
Speaker 1: If we don't, we don't. I going first.

1013
00:41:04,640 --> 00:41:06,880
Speaker 2: That's why I can't date, because the love bombing I

1014
00:41:06,920 --> 00:41:09,080
Speaker 2: fall for and I'm speedy Gonzales.

1015
00:41:09,160 --> 00:41:09,359
Speaker 3: Yep.

1016
00:41:09,560 --> 00:41:11,480
Speaker 1: We do have this thing about like not wanting to

1017
00:41:11,520 --> 00:41:12,880
Speaker 1: go first. And I think even when you're in a

1018
00:41:12,920 --> 00:41:15,400
Speaker 1: room full of people, or you meet someone that you like,

1019
00:41:15,560 --> 00:41:18,360
Speaker 1: or you meet someone as a friend, there's this fear

1020
00:41:18,400 --> 00:41:20,760
Speaker 1: of like I feel like for me, it was ego

1021
00:41:20,800 --> 00:41:22,359
Speaker 1: where I don't want to go first. I don't want

1022
00:41:22,400 --> 00:41:24,400
Speaker 1: to call them first. I don't want to message them first.

1023
00:41:24,880 --> 00:41:27,279
Speaker 1: Relationship or friendship, right, it's kind of like I want

1024
00:41:27,280 --> 00:41:29,879
Speaker 1: to know this person is invested before I invest. But

1025
00:41:30,080 --> 00:41:32,759
Speaker 1: in reality, you have to give to receive. Like if

1026
00:41:32,760 --> 00:41:35,319
Speaker 1: you go into a friendship or a relationship wanting to

1027
00:41:35,360 --> 00:41:39,080
Speaker 1: receive before you want to give, it's you're wanting before

1028
00:41:39,120 --> 00:41:41,120
Speaker 1: you actually want to give, And I think the whole

1029
00:41:41,120 --> 00:41:43,959
Speaker 1: top of it is, well, I don't even know whether

1030
00:41:44,000 --> 00:41:48,920
Speaker 1: it's like a conscious choice of manipulation, and I think

1031
00:41:48,920 --> 00:41:51,440
Speaker 1: it's like we just want to protect ourselves before we

1032
00:41:51,480 --> 00:41:53,960
Speaker 1: get hurt. But if you put yourself out there in

1033
00:41:54,000 --> 00:41:56,240
Speaker 1: that way, you are just opening yourself out to receive

1034
00:41:56,280 --> 00:41:58,399
Speaker 1: the same thing back. So I had to get over

1035
00:41:58,440 --> 00:42:00,440
Speaker 1: the like not wanting to go first, and I was

1036
00:42:00,440 --> 00:42:02,239
Speaker 1: just like, you know what if I go first and

1037
00:42:02,280 --> 00:42:03,960
Speaker 1: it doesn't work, final, at least I know I've put

1038
00:42:04,000 --> 00:42:06,120
Speaker 1: my all into it. Yeah, I wanted to actually touch

1039
00:42:06,160 --> 00:42:08,560
Speaker 1: on I know we were talking about all three of

1040
00:42:08,640 --> 00:42:10,600
Speaker 1: us being so different, but the other thing I feel

1041
00:42:10,640 --> 00:42:14,319
Speaker 1: we all can relate to is our view of what

1042
00:42:14,440 --> 00:42:17,600
Speaker 1: masculine and feminine qualities are in a relationship.

1043
00:42:17,840 --> 00:42:19,880
Speaker 4: It is crazy that you're saying this, because I was

1044
00:42:19,880 --> 00:42:21,640
Speaker 4: going to ask if we can come back to talking

1045
00:42:21,640 --> 00:42:24,960
Speaker 4: about masculine feminist. It is such a thing that is

1046
00:42:25,040 --> 00:42:29,000
Speaker 4: on in all of our conversations, as it's such an

1047
00:42:29,120 --> 00:42:36,759
Speaker 4: interesting discovery of self. Yeah, I find myself always overcompensating

1048
00:42:36,800 --> 00:42:39,959
Speaker 4: in one versus the other in all parts of my life.

1049
00:42:40,000 --> 00:42:43,560
Speaker 4: So I feel like until now, I've really overcompensated in

1050
00:42:43,600 --> 00:42:46,720
Speaker 4: the masculine piece of it because I've built a business,

1051
00:42:46,760 --> 00:42:48,520
Speaker 4: I've had to raise all this money and like to

1052
00:42:48,600 --> 00:42:50,640
Speaker 4: go into rooms with these men that I'm trying to

1053
00:42:50,640 --> 00:42:53,040
Speaker 4: get money from. I've had to extra exert this like

1054
00:42:53,160 --> 00:42:56,239
Speaker 4: masculine side of myself. And now I'm finding myself as

1055
00:42:56,320 --> 00:42:59,000
Speaker 4: I'm like going into the dating world of trying to

1056
00:42:59,200 --> 00:43:02,280
Speaker 4: over exert is feminine side of myself, when in reality,

1057
00:43:02,360 --> 00:43:05,799
Speaker 4: it's like very normal and okay to have levels of

1058
00:43:05,840 --> 00:43:10,200
Speaker 4: both in you and want to exert those parts of yourself. Yeah,

1059
00:43:10,239 --> 00:43:12,840
Speaker 4: And it's a weird journey when you've tried to exert

1060
00:43:12,880 --> 00:43:17,040
Speaker 4: so much masculine energy to discover a feminine energy in

1061
00:43:17,080 --> 00:43:20,120
Speaker 4: yourself because quite honestly, I forgot how.

1062
00:43:20,280 --> 00:43:24,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, and also what we think of what masculine is

1063
00:43:24,360 --> 00:43:26,960
Speaker 1: in other men. So I found that the topic of

1064
00:43:27,000 --> 00:43:29,279
Speaker 1: the conversation that I've had with Deeps and even with

1065
00:43:29,320 --> 00:43:31,799
Speaker 1: you is like when we end up thinking guys are

1066
00:43:31,840 --> 00:43:35,040
Speaker 1: too nice or she whatever, like what we end up

1067
00:43:35,040 --> 00:43:37,360
Speaker 1: seeing like, Okay, we've all grown up in different ways

1068
00:43:37,440 --> 00:43:39,560
Speaker 1: being attracted to different types of men, but the one

1069
00:43:39,600 --> 00:43:41,440
Speaker 1: thing that we all seem to have in common is

1070
00:43:41,480 --> 00:43:44,680
Speaker 1: that we had this perception of what a masculine man

1071
00:43:44,719 --> 00:43:47,160
Speaker 1: should look like, ye, what they should act like, what

1072
00:43:47,200 --> 00:43:50,680
Speaker 1: they should look like, how they should treat us. And actually,

1073
00:43:50,680 --> 00:43:53,239
Speaker 1: when we all discussed it, what we realized was, damn,

1074
00:43:53,280 --> 00:43:56,640
Speaker 1: that was actually pretty toxic. Actually that mascul And the

1075
00:43:56,719 --> 00:43:59,239
Speaker 1: thing is, what we're not used to is seeing men

1076
00:43:59,560 --> 00:44:02,799
Speaker 1: who are actually in tune with their feminine energy, but

1077
00:44:03,040 --> 00:44:05,400
Speaker 1: how that actually completes a massive like They cannot be

1078
00:44:05,480 --> 00:44:07,600
Speaker 1: masculine with that feminine We all have it within us,

1079
00:44:07,880 --> 00:44:10,839
Speaker 1: and what we have found uncomfortable in the past is

1080
00:44:11,280 --> 00:44:14,560
Speaker 1: allowing a man to sit in his being comfortable with

1081
00:44:14,600 --> 00:44:17,920
Speaker 1: his feminine energy, being in touch with his emotions, being expressive,

1082
00:44:18,320 --> 00:44:21,080
Speaker 1: being someone who holds space for you when you have

1083
00:44:21,200 --> 00:44:23,960
Speaker 1: your emotions. But we also want that man, But then

1084
00:44:23,960 --> 00:44:26,160
Speaker 1: we also want the man who is I'm just gonna

1085
00:44:26,200 --> 00:44:29,040
Speaker 1: be When you have the extreme masculine energy, they're shut off.

1086
00:44:29,200 --> 00:44:32,480
Speaker 1: They don't have ability to tune into the emotions or yours.

1087
00:44:32,719 --> 00:44:35,600
Speaker 1: They have a neglectful like feel about them. And so

1088
00:44:36,239 --> 00:44:38,040
Speaker 1: I don't know, it's something that I think all of

1089
00:44:38,080 --> 00:44:38,680
Speaker 1: us have.

1090
00:44:39,000 --> 00:44:42,520
Speaker 6: Definitely me, I've always dated guys who over exerted the

1091
00:44:43,080 --> 00:44:50,120
Speaker 6: definitely because as society, like everyone kind of rewards that energy.

1092
00:44:50,280 --> 00:44:51,919
Speaker 1: Have you seen a guy cry in a movie except

1093
00:44:51,960 --> 00:44:52,560
Speaker 1: for The Notebook?

1094
00:44:52,719 --> 00:44:52,919
Speaker 2: No?

1095
00:44:53,280 --> 00:44:53,720
Speaker 1: Yeah?

1096
00:44:54,080 --> 00:44:54,319
Speaker 5: Right?

1097
00:44:54,520 --> 00:44:55,160
Speaker 1: And have we?

1098
00:44:55,640 --> 00:44:57,440
Speaker 3: I do think it's I don't like seeing guys cry.

1099
00:44:57,480 --> 00:45:00,120
Speaker 3: I'll be honest with you.

1100
00:44:58,440 --> 00:45:01,440
Speaker 1: I don't way it makes you uncomfortable.

1101
00:45:01,440 --> 00:45:03,680
Speaker 2: How I think that's I think what you said. My

1102
00:45:03,760 --> 00:45:05,920
Speaker 2: dad's a little bit of a machista.

1103
00:45:06,160 --> 00:45:07,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, is a cultural thing.

1104
00:45:08,000 --> 00:45:11,160
Speaker 2: So I grew up that way. And people seeing me cry.

1105
00:45:11,160 --> 00:45:13,080
Speaker 2: I cry all the time. I cry all the time,

1106
00:45:13,360 --> 00:45:15,600
Speaker 2: but I hate it. I was because it's too vulnerable

1107
00:45:15,600 --> 00:45:15,800
Speaker 2: for me.

1108
00:45:16,520 --> 00:45:18,759
Speaker 1: And I've always tried to see crying as like we

1109
00:45:18,760 --> 00:45:20,319
Speaker 1: were talking about this in the Sawner the other day,

1110
00:45:20,320 --> 00:45:23,480
Speaker 1: where like crying doesn't have to be something which and

1111
00:45:23,520 --> 00:45:25,080
Speaker 1: I understand what you're saying, like I used to see

1112
00:45:25,080 --> 00:45:27,319
Speaker 1: my dad, I've never seen my dad cry. If my

1113
00:45:27,400 --> 00:45:30,799
Speaker 1: dad was crying when even his grandma, his mom passed away,

1114
00:45:30,960 --> 00:45:33,200
Speaker 1: I remember him going to the bathroom and I remember

1115
00:45:33,280 --> 00:45:34,719
Speaker 1: him coming out. I could tell he'd been crying, but

1116
00:45:34,760 --> 00:45:37,279
Speaker 1: I've never seen him cry. And so I've seen like

1117
00:45:37,360 --> 00:45:39,200
Speaker 1: random tears in his eyes when things have happened, but

1118
00:45:39,280 --> 00:45:41,319
Speaker 1: never seen him cry. And again, I think it's a

1119
00:45:41,320 --> 00:45:45,440
Speaker 1: cultural thing where if you are too soft, too in

1120
00:45:45,480 --> 00:45:47,719
Speaker 1: touch with your feminine side, it doesn't make you a man.

1121
00:45:48,160 --> 00:45:50,000
Speaker 1: And I think that's so sad that we have that

1122
00:45:50,040 --> 00:45:50,680
Speaker 1: in society.

1123
00:45:50,719 --> 00:45:53,279
Speaker 3: Or what My mom never cried in front of me either. Yeah,

1124
00:45:53,280 --> 00:45:54,799
Speaker 3: I get uncomfortable if I do see your cry.

1125
00:45:54,800 --> 00:45:56,880
Speaker 1: But do you think she had to? Like, was your

1126
00:45:56,880 --> 00:45:58,759
Speaker 1: mom someone who had to be strong? Because she had

1127
00:45:58,760 --> 00:46:01,080
Speaker 1: to she went through a lot Like yeah.

1128
00:46:00,719 --> 00:46:02,600
Speaker 5: That's probably why you're you are as well.

1129
00:46:02,719 --> 00:46:02,959
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1130
00:46:03,200 --> 00:46:03,439
Speaker 3: Same.

1131
00:46:03,680 --> 00:46:06,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm gonna get you crying all over the place.

1132
00:46:06,239 --> 00:46:07,120
Speaker 1: You just wait.

1133
00:46:07,280 --> 00:46:09,160
Speaker 2: And that's the thing is I cry all the time,

1134
00:46:09,160 --> 00:46:11,120
Speaker 2: but I get so mad when I cry, and I'm like,

1135
00:46:11,160 --> 00:46:12,600
Speaker 2: I'm fine, I'm just gonna take a second.

1136
00:46:13,080 --> 00:46:16,160
Speaker 1: Wait, So are you both? How is it for you

1137
00:46:16,160 --> 00:46:19,840
Speaker 1: guys in maturing in your mindset of like of a

1138
00:46:19,880 --> 00:46:23,279
Speaker 1: man and what the actual definition of a man and

1139
00:46:23,400 --> 00:46:29,279
Speaker 1: masculinity is for you when you're dating m I think around.

1140
00:46:29,120 --> 00:46:30,520
Speaker 5: Journey, but it's still journey.

1141
00:46:30,560 --> 00:46:33,680
Speaker 4: Yeah, finding myself being so hypocritical because I'm sitting there

1142
00:46:33,719 --> 00:46:36,960
Speaker 4: saying I want a guy who's six foot.

1143
00:46:37,160 --> 00:46:40,560
Speaker 5: And muscular and like looks a certain kind of way.

1144
00:46:40,600 --> 00:46:42,560
Speaker 4: But then I would be so mad if a guy

1145
00:46:42,640 --> 00:46:45,920
Speaker 4: said I want a girl who's a size zero or

1146
00:46:46,040 --> 00:46:48,440
Speaker 4: a certain height or something like that. Right, So, then

1147
00:46:48,440 --> 00:46:50,080
Speaker 4: when you look at it from the other lens, you

1148
00:46:50,120 --> 00:46:52,960
Speaker 4: find yourself being like, that's just unfair to look at

1149
00:46:52,960 --> 00:46:53,719
Speaker 4: a guy this way.

1150
00:46:53,840 --> 00:46:56,480
Speaker 5: And quite honestly, the guys who are six foot.

1151
00:46:56,239 --> 00:46:58,640
Speaker 4: From my experience, haven't had to work on every other

1152
00:46:58,680 --> 00:47:01,960
Speaker 4: part of themselves because they're tall, and Beauciety tells them

1153
00:47:01,960 --> 00:47:05,759
Speaker 4: that there that's true, and so I find that, like,

1154
00:47:05,920 --> 00:47:08,440
Speaker 4: so I've definitely broken that the six foot is the

1155
00:47:08,480 --> 00:47:10,720
Speaker 4: bar of what I need and it's.

1156
00:47:10,600 --> 00:47:11,640
Speaker 1: Time for the short men to win.

1157
00:47:13,280 --> 00:47:14,239
Speaker 3: I should win.

1158
00:47:14,840 --> 00:47:19,040
Speaker 5: Yeah, for the wind, she's still not about it.

1159
00:47:19,080 --> 00:47:20,560
Speaker 1: I feel like you're in the middle. I feel like

1160
00:47:20,600 --> 00:47:22,839
Speaker 1: from all of us, you're in the middle. I've made

1161
00:47:22,920 --> 00:47:26,360
Speaker 1: I've like somewhat got myself to be more accepting of it,

1162
00:47:26,400 --> 00:47:27,560
Speaker 1: and you're still.

1163
00:47:27,680 --> 00:47:30,680
Speaker 2: You know what, because my boyfriend was five four and

1164
00:47:30,719 --> 00:47:31,880
Speaker 2: I'm never doing that again.

1165
00:47:32,520 --> 00:47:34,279
Speaker 1: No, okay, but why do you think it was his

1166
00:47:34,360 --> 00:47:36,560
Speaker 1: height that made him that way? I think it was

1167
00:47:36,560 --> 00:47:38,840
Speaker 1: his height that made him the way he went syndrome.

1168
00:47:39,160 --> 00:47:41,760
Speaker 3: Yes, I wasn't allowed to wear heels.

1169
00:47:41,880 --> 00:47:43,000
Speaker 2: I was like, I don't want to. I don't.

1170
00:47:44,000 --> 00:47:46,000
Speaker 1: He needed to be more like comfortable in his height.

1171
00:47:46,680 --> 00:47:48,960
Speaker 3: It's funny, and I didn't realize how short he was

1172
00:47:49,000 --> 00:47:49,759
Speaker 3: when I was with him.

1173
00:47:50,920 --> 00:47:53,399
Speaker 1: Energy he had like vibrant, and I.

1174
00:47:53,360 --> 00:47:55,560
Speaker 3: Just put him on such a pedestal. Yeah, I had

1175
00:47:55,640 --> 00:47:58,359
Speaker 3: him on a pedestal. Like when people told me, I

1176
00:47:58,440 --> 00:48:00,600
Speaker 3: was so confused. I was like, what when.

1177
00:48:00,520 --> 00:48:02,839
Speaker 1: You talk, I just not show them what do you mean?

1178
00:48:03,200 --> 00:48:05,239
Speaker 3: I was like, why were you talking about? Like you know,

1179
00:48:06,040 --> 00:48:06,920
Speaker 3: it's perfect for me.

1180
00:48:07,040 --> 00:48:08,920
Speaker 2: And then after we broke up and I was with

1181
00:48:08,920 --> 00:48:11,680
Speaker 2: someone six foot, I was like, oh yeah, what a life.

1182
00:48:11,920 --> 00:48:15,080
Speaker 4: So when I realized was again going inward versus outward,

1183
00:48:15,480 --> 00:48:18,480
Speaker 4: the reason I wanted somebody six foot and tall was

1184
00:48:18,520 --> 00:48:19,920
Speaker 4: because it made me feel little.

1185
00:48:20,440 --> 00:48:22,440
Speaker 5: And so when I think about if I.

1186
00:48:22,440 --> 00:48:24,880
Speaker 4: Go deeper than that, it's because I was insecure with

1187
00:48:24,960 --> 00:48:27,239
Speaker 4: my body and what I look like. And so now

1188
00:48:27,239 --> 00:48:29,000
Speaker 4: that I'm at a place where I feel like the

1189
00:48:29,000 --> 00:48:32,200
Speaker 4: healthiest I felt probably in my entire life.

1190
00:48:32,680 --> 00:48:36,560
Speaker 5: Yeah, I'm less bothered. Bring on that shortcare yeah, because.

1191
00:48:36,360 --> 00:48:39,880
Speaker 1: I you know, but I said, all the short men listening,

1192
00:48:40,520 --> 00:48:44,920
Speaker 1: just so you know, anything what show anything below five five? Sick?

1193
00:48:45,040 --> 00:48:49,799
Speaker 1: Let's I'm just letting you know deeps is ready for

1194
00:48:50,080 --> 00:48:51,200
Speaker 1: so many Yeah.

1195
00:48:52,600 --> 00:48:55,840
Speaker 3: Real these days, no shape at anyone.

1196
00:48:55,880 --> 00:48:59,000
Speaker 4: But no, no, no, all, this is just all going

1197
00:48:59,000 --> 00:49:02,359
Speaker 4: back to masking forsu femine in your partner. We do

1198
00:49:02,400 --> 00:49:05,440
Speaker 4: as a society need to allow and applaud men who

1199
00:49:05,440 --> 00:49:08,440
Speaker 4: are vulnerable and cry because otherwise they're not. Literally, the

1200
00:49:08,480 --> 00:49:10,839
Speaker 4: last guy I dated told me he was like, by

1201
00:49:10,960 --> 00:49:13,600
Speaker 4: you not being okay with that makes this is why

1202
00:49:13,680 --> 00:49:15,560
Speaker 4: men don't do it.

1203
00:49:15,560 --> 00:49:17,920
Speaker 2: It's such an interesting question because again I'm going to

1204
00:49:17,920 --> 00:49:20,120
Speaker 2: bring up the fact that we are the last generation

1205
00:49:20,640 --> 00:49:25,200
Speaker 2: to be raised without internet and know the difference because

1206
00:49:25,320 --> 00:49:25,880
Speaker 2: we are.

1207
00:49:25,840 --> 00:49:28,960
Speaker 3: Now learning and unlearning a lot of things.

1208
00:49:29,080 --> 00:49:31,919
Speaker 2: So I can't I mean, I'm still old school when

1209
00:49:31,920 --> 00:49:33,839
Speaker 2: it comes to that, and I know that I'm old

1210
00:49:33,880 --> 00:49:35,919
Speaker 2: school and I've admitted it, and I'm trying to change

1211
00:49:35,920 --> 00:49:37,839
Speaker 2: my mindset. Like at the end of the day, it's

1212
00:49:38,239 --> 00:49:41,520
Speaker 2: about who the person is internally, and now that I'm

1213
00:49:41,600 --> 00:49:43,880
Speaker 2: hitting thirty five this summer, I'm like, all right, listen,

1214
00:49:44,880 --> 00:49:48,640
Speaker 2: I have to really understand my needs versus my wants

1215
00:49:48,640 --> 00:49:50,600
Speaker 2: based on how I was raised. Yes, I want the

1216
00:49:50,640 --> 00:49:53,680
Speaker 2: sixth foot and over, Yes I want you know, someone

1217
00:49:53,719 --> 00:49:55,600
Speaker 2: who's well established. But at the same time, I'm like,

1218
00:49:55,640 --> 00:49:57,640
Speaker 2: I just want someone that has good credit because I'm

1219
00:49:57,680 --> 00:50:00,760
Speaker 2: not going to deal with that.

1220
00:50:00,000 --> 00:50:04,160
Speaker 1: I just want someone who really loving heart. No, she

1221
00:50:04,239 --> 00:50:05,840
Speaker 1: wants someone with good credit.

1222
00:50:05,560 --> 00:50:08,120
Speaker 3: Because if you have good credit, that tells me you're responsible.

1223
00:50:08,400 --> 00:50:10,839
Speaker 1: It does, but I always, yeah, I also think there

1224
00:50:10,880 --> 00:50:13,839
Speaker 1: are men with good credit who also don't have good credibility.

1225
00:50:14,080 --> 00:50:15,360
Speaker 3: Oh right, right, right right.

1226
00:50:15,280 --> 00:50:17,680
Speaker 1: No, I'm not sure and I said it earlier.

1227
00:50:17,800 --> 00:50:19,719
Speaker 2: You know, I need that as well, But I need

1228
00:50:19,760 --> 00:50:21,560
Speaker 2: to know that you have good credibility and good credit.

1229
00:50:21,680 --> 00:50:23,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I think that also, you know, when I've

1230
00:50:23,239 --> 00:50:25,160
Speaker 1: spoken to you, that also comes from a place of

1231
00:50:25,560 --> 00:50:27,879
Speaker 1: you having and just because I feel like that could

1232
00:50:27,920 --> 00:50:30,520
Speaker 1: be taken in the wrong way, just knowing Francia, she

1233
00:50:30,600 --> 00:50:33,600
Speaker 1: has had to work hard her whole life to make

1234
00:50:33,640 --> 00:50:35,120
Speaker 1: it to where she is right now. So when she

1235
00:50:35,160 --> 00:50:37,600
Speaker 1: says good credit, it's because she has had to work

1236
00:50:38,160 --> 00:50:41,600
Speaker 1: extremely difficult on her own two feet to get No

1237
00:50:41,640 --> 00:50:44,080
Speaker 1: one's handed anything to her. And so yeah, for her,

1238
00:50:44,160 --> 00:50:46,920
Speaker 1: having someone who can also live up to that have

1239
00:50:47,040 --> 00:50:50,120
Speaker 1: that same drive, have that same ambition is really important

1240
00:50:50,160 --> 00:50:52,680
Speaker 1: to you. And I think just a real context behind it, like.

1241
00:50:52,880 --> 00:50:54,640
Speaker 2: That's a real friend, you're putting context behind it. I

1242
00:50:54,640 --> 00:50:56,680
Speaker 2: also know what it's like for someone to mess up

1243
00:50:56,680 --> 00:50:58,399
Speaker 2: a credit oh right, Yeah, and I've.

1244
00:50:58,320 --> 00:51:01,880
Speaker 3: Dealt with stuff like that. That's why I like, I've.

1245
00:51:01,280 --> 00:51:05,200
Speaker 2: Really gotten into finance lately, really learning the ins and outs,

1246
00:51:05,200 --> 00:51:05,759
Speaker 2: and I've just.

1247
00:51:05,800 --> 00:51:07,520
Speaker 3: Understood how important that is.

1248
00:51:07,600 --> 00:51:09,960
Speaker 2: And that just speaks to a lot a lot to

1249
00:51:10,000 --> 00:51:13,440
Speaker 2: me about you know, how someone sees the world, you know,

1250
00:51:13,800 --> 00:51:15,880
Speaker 2: and if it's aligned with how I see it, so

1251
00:51:15,960 --> 00:51:18,840
Speaker 2: I appreciate it. Yes, good friend, yes, but also a

1252
00:51:18,840 --> 00:51:20,480
Speaker 2: good heart that is, at the end of the day.

1253
00:51:20,400 --> 00:51:21,719
Speaker 3: The most important thing. Yeah.

1254
00:51:21,719 --> 00:51:24,319
Speaker 4: And I think it's so deep rooted to let men

1255
00:51:24,480 --> 00:51:28,359
Speaker 4: feel more feminine because even when it comes to women

1256
00:51:28,480 --> 00:51:32,600
Speaker 4: who are earning money on their own and letting men

1257
00:51:32,640 --> 00:51:36,200
Speaker 4: feel okay with potentially being with a woman who earns

1258
00:51:36,239 --> 00:51:38,520
Speaker 4: more than them, how are they going to be okay

1259
00:51:38,560 --> 00:51:41,399
Speaker 4: with that if you don't allow them to exert this

1260
00:51:41,440 --> 00:51:44,840
Speaker 4: more feminine side of themselves. If we're sitting here saying that, like,

1261
00:51:46,120 --> 00:51:49,480
Speaker 4: we work really hard to provide for ourselves and not

1262
00:51:49,640 --> 00:51:51,839
Speaker 4: need a man, but want a man, right, And I

1263
00:51:51,880 --> 00:51:54,879
Speaker 4: think that what I'm finding with dating is that it's

1264
00:51:56,360 --> 00:51:58,680
Speaker 4: really hard to find somebody who's potentially going to be

1265
00:51:58,719 --> 00:52:01,879
Speaker 4: earning more than me or where my goals and aspirations are.

1266
00:52:02,400 --> 00:52:04,840
Speaker 4: And I'm okay with that, but they have to be

1267
00:52:04,880 --> 00:52:06,359
Speaker 4: okay with that. And I think a lot of men

1268
00:52:06,400 --> 00:52:09,440
Speaker 4: aren't okay with that because of what society tells them

1269
00:52:09,440 --> 00:52:11,040
Speaker 4: that they need to be in What the definition of

1270
00:52:11,040 --> 00:52:13,040
Speaker 4: being a masculine, being a man is.

1271
00:52:13,200 --> 00:52:15,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, being comfortable in a room knowing that people are

1272
00:52:15,239 --> 00:52:17,319
Speaker 1: going to be asking you about those things, people are

1273
00:52:17,320 --> 00:52:20,160
Speaker 1: going to be highlighting it. But how comfortable are you

1274
00:52:20,200 --> 00:52:22,920
Speaker 1: with that? And you're right, I think when you don't

1275
00:52:22,920 --> 00:52:25,719
Speaker 1: allow like, if you can't be vulnerable and open and

1276
00:52:25,760 --> 00:52:29,040
Speaker 1: emotional with your partner, then you're never going to feel

1277
00:52:29,040 --> 00:52:31,640
Speaker 1: safe doing it with anybody else. And we've talked about this.

1278
00:52:31,719 --> 00:52:33,680
Speaker 1: There has been so many things which I have had

1279
00:52:33,719 --> 00:52:36,319
Speaker 1: to adapt my view of when it comes to even

1280
00:52:36,360 --> 00:52:38,480
Speaker 1: with me and Jay, like the way that he used

1281
00:52:38,480 --> 00:52:40,239
Speaker 1: to do certain things. I spoke to you about this

1282
00:52:40,360 --> 00:52:42,279
Speaker 1: baby voice that he used to do with his mom.

1283
00:52:42,320 --> 00:52:44,000
Speaker 5: I didn't know we were going to go there on it.

1284
00:52:45,840 --> 00:52:47,879
Speaker 1: There's so much on his podcast now I don't even

1285
00:52:47,920 --> 00:52:50,880
Speaker 1: know goes on there. I don't think that. Just to

1286
00:52:50,880 --> 00:52:53,960
Speaker 1: give context again, when we first started dating. There was

1287
00:52:54,000 --> 00:52:56,200
Speaker 1: this baby voice that Jay used to do. It's only

1288
00:52:56,320 --> 00:52:58,400
Speaker 1: it was like specifically when he was speaking to his

1289
00:52:58,480 --> 00:53:01,040
Speaker 1: mum and his sister they would all do together so

1290
00:53:01,239 --> 00:53:05,000
Speaker 1: sweet as like in theory, but actually experiencing it. It

1291
00:53:05,040 --> 00:53:07,560
Speaker 1: was him going into his like childlike state with his

1292
00:53:07,640 --> 00:53:10,560
Speaker 1: mom and his his kind of vulnerable state with his sister.

1293
00:53:10,640 --> 00:53:12,080
Speaker 1: It was something that they all did together. It was

1294
00:53:12,200 --> 00:53:20,880
Speaker 1: very sick, no, but you know, as I say in theory,

1295
00:53:21,040 --> 00:53:24,120
Speaker 1: it's so sweet when I describe it, but in my mind,

1296
00:53:24,120 --> 00:53:25,839
Speaker 1: and it is sweet now that I think about it,

1297
00:53:25,880 --> 00:53:30,000
Speaker 1: But at the time I had this image of why

1298
00:53:30,120 --> 00:53:32,919
Speaker 1: is a man doing this his sister and his mom.

1299
00:53:33,480 --> 00:53:34,960
Speaker 1: And I used to say to him, you can do

1300
00:53:35,000 --> 00:53:37,239
Speaker 1: that with him. And I feel terrible for this, and

1301
00:53:37,280 --> 00:53:39,920
Speaker 1: I'm sure people won't be happy all your Jay levels.

1302
00:53:39,920 --> 00:53:41,759
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry, But I used to be like, you

1303
00:53:41,760 --> 00:53:43,279
Speaker 1: could do that with them, but please, I don't like

1304
00:53:43,320 --> 00:53:45,560
Speaker 1: the baby boys. Please don't do it around me, Like,

1305
00:53:45,719 --> 00:53:47,719
Speaker 1: don't do that voice around me. It really annoys me.

1306
00:53:47,800 --> 00:53:49,520
Speaker 1: And I used to think that was valid feedback. It

1307
00:53:49,520 --> 00:53:52,560
Speaker 1: annoys me, so don't do it. But then I realized

1308
00:53:52,600 --> 00:53:54,920
Speaker 1: it was taking away this like childish nature of his

1309
00:53:55,040 --> 00:53:57,120
Speaker 1: which he never really gets to express when he's at work,

1310
00:53:57,160 --> 00:53:59,480
Speaker 1: when he's doing all these like different things that he's doing,

1311
00:54:00,160 --> 00:54:04,440
Speaker 1: like vulnerable state that he naturally goes into, and I'm like, no,

1312
00:54:04,560 --> 00:54:06,719
Speaker 1: you need to so then he would start doing, well,

1313
00:54:06,760 --> 00:54:08,400
Speaker 1: I'm gonna say this in this voice because I know

1314
00:54:08,440 --> 00:54:10,319
Speaker 1: you don't like the other voice. Can you please bring

1315
00:54:10,360 --> 00:54:12,560
Speaker 1: me this or like he'll put on a like a

1316
00:54:12,719 --> 00:54:15,319
Speaker 1: more husky voice just so that and he has to

1317
00:54:15,360 --> 00:54:18,160
Speaker 1: think about how he's acting around me, and you shouldn't

1318
00:54:18,200 --> 00:54:20,200
Speaker 1: have to do that. And so and even when it

1319
00:54:20,200 --> 00:54:22,520
Speaker 1: comes to like dress sense or whatever it is, I

1320
00:54:22,520 --> 00:54:24,960
Speaker 1: think you have to be so okay with your partner

1321
00:54:25,320 --> 00:54:27,120
Speaker 1: not necessarily doing what you want them to do, but

1322
00:54:27,200 --> 00:54:29,319
Speaker 1: being happy in their own body, in their own mind,

1323
00:54:29,440 --> 00:54:33,160
Speaker 1: in their own ability to be themselves. If I'm stopping

1324
00:54:33,200 --> 00:54:35,080
Speaker 1: a person, a friend or a person that I'm in

1325
00:54:35,080 --> 00:54:38,960
Speaker 1: a relationship with being themselves, there's an issue because I'm

1326
00:54:38,960 --> 00:54:40,400
Speaker 1: not accepting them for who they are. I'm trying to

1327
00:54:40,440 --> 00:54:43,040
Speaker 1: adapt them based on my likes and dislikes. And I

1328
00:54:43,040 --> 00:54:46,480
Speaker 1: think that that's okay when it comes to like fundamental values,

1329
00:54:46,480 --> 00:54:49,080
Speaker 1: but when it's about them being their own personality, it

1330
00:54:49,160 --> 00:54:51,359
Speaker 1: was so mean of me to do that. I feel so.

1331
00:54:51,400 --> 00:54:52,839
Speaker 3: Bad, but I get it.

1332
00:54:52,880 --> 00:54:54,880
Speaker 2: Like I said, you know, we grew up differently and

1333
00:54:54,920 --> 00:54:57,520
Speaker 2: we're still learning and unlearning, and I think, you know,

1334
00:54:57,560 --> 00:54:58,880
Speaker 2: it's cultural and stuff.

1335
00:54:58,920 --> 00:55:00,600
Speaker 1: So my dad used to be the who would be like,

1336
00:55:00,719 --> 00:55:03,160
Speaker 1: he does all the handyman work in the house. He does,

1337
00:55:03,320 --> 00:55:07,000
Speaker 1: he looks after certain finance. So when Jay couldn't use

1338
00:55:07,040 --> 00:55:08,919
Speaker 1: a screw driver, I was like, bro, But.

1339
00:55:08,840 --> 00:55:12,200
Speaker 2: Also like, I can't tell you how many times I

1340
00:55:12,239 --> 00:55:14,480
Speaker 2: go out on a date and it still happens. And

1341
00:55:15,080 --> 00:55:16,840
Speaker 2: one of the first few questions that they asked me

1342
00:55:16,960 --> 00:55:17,760
Speaker 2: is can you cook?

1343
00:55:18,280 --> 00:55:19,040
Speaker 1: Yes?

1344
00:55:19,480 --> 00:55:21,799
Speaker 3: I'm like, boy, can you build a car? Yeah?

1345
00:55:23,160 --> 00:55:26,200
Speaker 1: And I am someone who loves cooking. I love cooking

1346
00:55:26,239 --> 00:55:29,960
Speaker 1: so much. And what I've realized is actually not because

1347
00:55:30,520 --> 00:55:32,680
Speaker 1: because I'm in tune with my feminine nature. It's not

1348
00:55:32,719 --> 00:55:35,880
Speaker 1: because I am such a good housewife. It's not because

1349
00:55:36,000 --> 00:55:38,239
Speaker 1: I am a great daughter in law who likes to cook.

1350
00:55:38,440 --> 00:55:41,200
Speaker 1: I am so actually, if someone got to know me,

1351
00:55:41,239 --> 00:55:44,359
Speaker 1: I'm actually very different to that stereotype. I just love

1352
00:55:44,400 --> 00:55:47,279
Speaker 1: food and I love cooking. But every time someone hears that,

1353
00:55:47,360 --> 00:55:50,480
Speaker 1: I'm like older generation. When I was in marriage age

1354
00:55:50,680 --> 00:55:52,120
Speaker 1: heard that I love cooking. It was a game chan.

1355
00:55:52,160 --> 00:55:54,080
Speaker 1: It was like every every mom wanted me to marry

1356
00:55:54,120 --> 00:55:56,840
Speaker 1: their son just because they knew I like making Indian

1357
00:55:56,840 --> 00:55:58,600
Speaker 1: food and I could roll a routley, which is like

1358
00:55:58,640 --> 00:56:02,880
Speaker 1: a like a flatbread. But you know, all the simple

1359
00:56:02,920 --> 00:56:05,600
Speaker 1: things of like this is what determines you being a woman.

1360
00:56:05,719 --> 00:56:08,000
Speaker 1: Like if you went into your mother in law's house,

1361
00:56:08,000 --> 00:56:10,480
Speaker 1: would you feel comfortable saying I actually don't want to cook,

1362
00:56:10,719 --> 00:56:12,080
Speaker 1: I don't want to clean, I don't want to do

1363
00:56:12,080 --> 00:56:14,960
Speaker 1: all those things. And naturally it makes you feel uncomfortable

1364
00:56:14,960 --> 00:56:16,400
Speaker 1: even saying that, because you know the judgment.

1365
00:56:16,440 --> 00:56:18,279
Speaker 3: Maybe they're growing up.

1366
00:56:18,400 --> 00:56:22,960
Speaker 2: There's a saying and sometimes like my friends will say

1367
00:56:23,000 --> 00:56:25,160
Speaker 2: as a joke, but like it's not Cooking is something

1368
00:56:25,200 --> 00:56:27,279
Speaker 2: I do enjoy and I do, but it's not something

1369
00:56:27,360 --> 00:56:31,600
Speaker 2: that I go around talking about. And in Spanish, if

1370
00:56:31,600 --> 00:56:33,919
Speaker 2: someone tastes your food and it's good, they say ah

1371
00:56:34,120 --> 00:56:35,280
Speaker 2: ye at the post cassade.

1372
00:56:35,560 --> 00:56:37,279
Speaker 3: I know it's a lot of approval.

1373
00:56:38,560 --> 00:56:42,560
Speaker 2: Say it again, they say ay at the post cassade,

1374
00:56:42,719 --> 00:56:43,799
Speaker 2: like oh this is really good.

1375
00:56:43,840 --> 00:56:44,800
Speaker 3: Now you can get married.

1376
00:56:45,080 --> 00:56:47,480
Speaker 1: Oh yeah yeah yeah, So that was my lot.

1377
00:56:47,360 --> 00:56:50,480
Speaker 2: Of approval, Like I'm a woman, not exactly you can

1378
00:56:50,560 --> 00:56:54,239
Speaker 2: make a man happy. But again it goes I am

1379
00:56:54,280 --> 00:56:56,600
Speaker 2: so quick to argue that like that doesn't that's not

1380
00:56:56,640 --> 00:56:58,480
Speaker 2: what makes me feminine. But yet at the same time,

1381
00:56:58,520 --> 00:57:00,440
Speaker 2: I'm like, well, I would like someone that knows how

1382
00:57:00,440 --> 00:57:02,239
Speaker 2: to hang a frame on a wall.

1383
00:57:02,360 --> 00:57:03,880
Speaker 3: You know, I don't want to do that.

1384
00:57:03,880 --> 00:57:05,759
Speaker 4: That's I think it's the hypocrisy of it, all right.

1385
00:57:05,840 --> 00:57:09,120
Speaker 4: I'm finding that in myself. It's like I want to

1386
00:57:09,160 --> 00:57:10,960
Speaker 4: be taken out on a date and have the guy

1387
00:57:11,040 --> 00:57:13,880
Speaker 4: pay for it, but then I don't want to so

1388
00:57:13,960 --> 00:57:15,839
Speaker 4: then that's the traditional way.

1389
00:57:16,080 --> 00:57:18,240
Speaker 2: I'll go deeper than that. I want you to ask

1390
00:57:18,280 --> 00:57:19,720
Speaker 2: me out. I'm not going to ask you out.

1391
00:57:19,800 --> 00:57:23,280
Speaker 3: Wow. Yeah, I'm old school. I'm like, you call me.

1392
00:57:23,360 --> 00:57:26,120
Speaker 2: I had a guy tell my friend Kathy Kelly have

1393
00:57:26,160 --> 00:57:26,880
Speaker 2: her reach out to me.

1394
00:57:26,920 --> 00:57:31,240
Speaker 3: I'm like, if you're interested, you contact me, And I never.

1395
00:57:31,040 --> 00:57:33,080
Speaker 1: Did with anyone who wants to date Frontier. You better

1396
00:57:33,120 --> 00:57:34,840
Speaker 1: call her, you bet a message her. There is no

1397
00:57:34,880 --> 00:57:36,960
Speaker 1: in betweens. Do not come into my DMS to get

1398
00:57:37,000 --> 00:57:37,560
Speaker 1: in touch with her.

1399
00:57:37,600 --> 00:57:39,560
Speaker 3: Okay, preach, go ahead. I know.

1400
00:57:39,640 --> 00:57:41,800
Speaker 4: I just think that I'm getting comfortable with the answer

1401
00:57:41,920 --> 00:57:43,960
Speaker 4: not being what I thought it was, Like the guy

1402
00:57:44,040 --> 00:57:46,080
Speaker 4: paying for this, and then because then it's like you're

1403
00:57:46,080 --> 00:57:49,000
Speaker 4: saying that you're okay being the person who's cooking at

1404
00:57:49,000 --> 00:57:51,400
Speaker 4: home and doing the dishes, which I am not that human.

1405
00:57:51,600 --> 00:57:58,400
Speaker 3: But at the same time, there's between okay, shoes, makeup, hair, outfit.

1406
00:57:59,480 --> 00:58:01,800
Speaker 3: I want you, I am spending money for this day

1407
00:58:01,880 --> 00:58:02,680
Speaker 3: to look the way I do.

1408
00:58:02,840 --> 00:58:05,120
Speaker 2: You can pay for a damn meal, you can pay

1409
00:58:05,160 --> 00:58:06,640
Speaker 2: for it, and you can pick me up and pay

1410
00:58:06,640 --> 00:58:07,080
Speaker 2: for the gas.

1411
00:58:07,200 --> 00:58:10,160
Speaker 4: Yeah yeah, yeah, And that's again like I'm just starting

1412
00:58:10,200 --> 00:58:12,400
Speaker 4: to date, so I'm like figuring it out. Yeah, and

1413
00:58:12,480 --> 00:58:15,240
Speaker 4: my guy friends and my girlfriends tell me this, we

1414
00:58:15,840 --> 00:58:19,360
Speaker 4: are going to have a tough time dating because because

1415
00:58:19,400 --> 00:58:23,080
Speaker 4: we can get so much to time day were here

1416
00:58:23,200 --> 00:58:25,280
Speaker 4: sitting on this couch. But I think it's because we

1417
00:58:25,320 --> 00:58:26,880
Speaker 4: can do everything for ourselves.

1418
00:58:27,160 --> 00:58:27,560
Speaker 3: Yeah.

1419
00:58:27,600 --> 00:58:30,280
Speaker 5: You know, we just went to know with this last

1420
00:58:30,320 --> 00:58:31,680
Speaker 5: weekend and we were with the group and us to

1421
00:58:31,800 --> 00:58:32,360
Speaker 5: split the bill.

1422
00:58:32,640 --> 00:58:34,600
Speaker 2: Yeah you know what I mean, not just nobu, but

1423
00:58:34,680 --> 00:58:36,720
Speaker 2: remember Soho house too before that.

1424
00:58:36,840 --> 00:58:38,960
Speaker 4: But that's what I'm saying, like men are not used

1425
00:58:38,960 --> 00:58:40,840
Speaker 4: to women who are just like we got this, but

1426
00:58:41,000 --> 00:58:43,120
Speaker 4: we should also normalize women who's just got this.

1427
00:58:43,280 --> 00:58:45,400
Speaker 1: Yes, and let them feel bad about the fact that

1428
00:58:45,440 --> 00:58:47,080
Speaker 1: they didn't have it, Because if you want to be

1429
00:58:47,120 --> 00:58:49,880
Speaker 1: the person who can have it and and give off

1430
00:58:49,880 --> 00:58:52,120
Speaker 1: that persona and the energy that you do have it,

1431
00:58:52,200 --> 00:58:54,520
Speaker 1: sometimes it can get confusing for the other person. It's like,

1432
00:58:54,840 --> 00:58:58,320
Speaker 1: even for me when I I rebelled against the thing

1433
00:58:58,360 --> 00:59:01,400
Speaker 1: that everybody would say to me that oh, you're like

1434
00:59:01,560 --> 00:59:03,640
Speaker 1: the good housewife thing, the thing of being in the kitchen.

1435
00:59:03,680 --> 00:59:06,439
Speaker 1: So I end up fighting against having this feminine energy.

1436
00:59:06,440 --> 00:59:09,560
Speaker 1: Where Jay is so loving and kind and so the

1437
00:59:09,600 --> 00:59:12,320
Speaker 1: person that accepts whatever I am. But every time he

1438
00:59:12,360 --> 00:59:14,440
Speaker 1: tries to be like the person looking after them. I

1439
00:59:14,480 --> 00:59:16,280
Speaker 1: can do things myself, He's like, I'm not saying you can't.

1440
00:59:16,320 --> 00:59:17,880
Speaker 1: I'm just I'm just wanting to do it for you,

1441
00:59:18,360 --> 00:59:20,880
Speaker 1: all right, and fine about that.

1442
00:59:21,280 --> 00:59:23,320
Speaker 5: I just think the coolest part is he never pressures

1443
00:59:23,360 --> 00:59:23,880
Speaker 5: you to cook for.

1444
00:59:23,960 --> 00:59:27,400
Speaker 4: Him, no ever, even though obviously, I mean, we all

1445
00:59:27,400 --> 00:59:30,080
Speaker 4: love it when you do. But it's it's so cool

1446
00:59:30,120 --> 00:59:32,640
Speaker 4: that it is not an expectation like, oh, when you

1447
00:59:32,680 --> 00:59:34,760
Speaker 4: weren't working right when y'all first came, when y'all were

1448
00:59:34,760 --> 00:59:36,640
Speaker 4: in New York and stuff, he was working and you

1449
00:59:36,680 --> 00:59:38,560
Speaker 4: were at home. But it's not like he expected you

1450
00:59:38,640 --> 00:59:39,000
Speaker 4: to do it.

1451
00:59:39,080 --> 00:59:39,200
Speaker 3: No.

1452
00:59:39,240 --> 00:59:41,640
Speaker 1: But and that's what I realized at that time. It

1453
00:59:41,680 --> 00:59:43,960
Speaker 1: was because I had I was so lost that I

1454
00:59:44,000 --> 00:59:45,160
Speaker 1: was like, this is the only thing I know how

1455
00:59:45,160 --> 00:59:47,080
Speaker 1: to do. So I would take him lunch every single day,

1456
00:59:47,360 --> 00:59:50,560
Speaker 1: I would cook dinner every single day, and then he

1457
00:59:50,600 --> 00:59:53,439
Speaker 1: doesn't have that expectation. But I think I put guilt

1458
00:59:53,480 --> 00:59:55,680
Speaker 1: on myself because of what everybody had told me growing

1459
00:59:55,760 --> 00:59:57,680
Speaker 1: up that you should be able to look after all,

1460
00:59:57,720 --> 00:59:59,320
Speaker 1: like his mom being like, oh, I think he's unweld

1461
00:59:59,320 --> 01:00:01,040
Speaker 1: because he's not eating well. And that's when I've like

1462
01:00:01,120 --> 01:00:03,600
Speaker 1: stopped cooking for him. And I understand that concern, it's

1463
01:00:03,640 --> 01:00:06,040
Speaker 1: a mother's concern, but it always felt like it was

1464
01:00:06,080 --> 01:00:08,640
Speaker 1: on me. I felt guilty. He had like health issues,

1465
01:00:08,640 --> 01:00:10,400
Speaker 1: and it was like, because I'm not cooking at home

1466
01:00:10,520 --> 01:00:13,160
Speaker 1: every single meal he had these issues. It always ended

1467
01:00:13,200 --> 01:00:15,040
Speaker 1: up feeling something I was feeling guilty for, and I

1468
01:00:15,080 --> 01:00:17,720
Speaker 1: realized I was putting that guilt on him, getting mad

1469
01:00:17,760 --> 01:00:19,600
Speaker 1: at him for Well, if you had asked me to cook,

1470
01:00:19,600 --> 01:00:20,840
Speaker 1: I would have done it for you don't have to

1471
01:00:20,840 --> 01:00:22,360
Speaker 1: get take out all the time, Like you don't have

1472
01:00:22,440 --> 01:00:24,200
Speaker 1: to get someone else cook for you. And he's like

1473
01:00:24,200 --> 01:00:26,200
Speaker 1: I'm just trying to make good life easier. And I'm like, yeah,

1474
01:00:26,240 --> 01:00:28,400
Speaker 1: but okay, like you know what.

1475
01:00:28,320 --> 01:00:30,280
Speaker 3: Am I gonna say? Triggers?

1476
01:00:30,720 --> 01:00:33,200
Speaker 1: It's triggering because I feel guilty about It's something that

1477
01:00:33,200 --> 01:00:34,959
Speaker 1: I'm insecure about. I'm like, well, if that's not where

1478
01:00:34,960 --> 01:00:36,360
Speaker 1: my worth is, what am I doing?

1479
01:00:36,400 --> 01:00:36,520
Speaker 2: Like?

1480
01:00:36,800 --> 01:00:38,880
Speaker 1: Why is I don't have anything else valuable? But then

1481
01:00:38,920 --> 01:00:41,520
Speaker 1: I'm still neglecting the role that I'm supposed to play.

1482
01:00:42,040 --> 01:00:44,920
Speaker 1: And so I think I've slowly gotten more comfortable with that.

1483
01:00:45,200 --> 01:00:47,240
Speaker 4: But well, because you've done the work on yourself to

1484
01:00:47,280 --> 01:00:49,320
Speaker 4: see what else you want to give to the world.

1485
01:00:49,400 --> 01:00:51,280
Speaker 5: Yeah, like this book, you know, like the things that.

1486
01:00:51,280 --> 01:00:55,880
Speaker 1: You are definitely and I would say even as friends,

1487
01:00:56,240 --> 01:00:58,280
Speaker 1: the one thing that I appreciate is ever like all

1488
01:00:58,280 --> 01:01:01,480
Speaker 1: of us allow each other to just change as people

1489
01:01:01,840 --> 01:01:04,080
Speaker 1: and be like, Okay, cool, you don't want to do

1490
01:01:04,080 --> 01:01:05,520
Speaker 1: that anymore, that's fine. You don't want to be that

1491
01:01:05,520 --> 01:01:06,320
Speaker 1: person anymore?

1492
01:01:06,440 --> 01:01:06,680
Speaker 5: Cool?

1493
01:01:06,720 --> 01:01:08,800
Speaker 1: You want to you want to become Vegan cool? You

1494
01:01:08,800 --> 01:01:11,200
Speaker 1: want to not become Vegan cool either way.

1495
01:01:11,280 --> 01:01:13,200
Speaker 5: Like I did a journey of our whole friendship and.

1496
01:01:13,320 --> 01:01:13,760
Speaker 3: I love that.

1497
01:01:13,800 --> 01:01:15,200
Speaker 2: I think at one point I looked at you guys,

1498
01:01:15,200 --> 01:01:16,560
Speaker 2: I was like, you guys, every time you see me

1499
01:01:16,600 --> 01:01:17,600
Speaker 2: and might have a different date.

1500
01:01:18,040 --> 01:01:20,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I' like that's fine.

1501
01:01:20,120 --> 01:01:22,959
Speaker 1: I was like cool, but like and on that note,

1502
01:01:23,000 --> 01:01:24,680
Speaker 1: I guess I want to ask, like what I've got.

1503
01:01:24,720 --> 01:01:26,360
Speaker 1: I've got a list of all these things of like

1504
01:01:26,400 --> 01:01:28,240
Speaker 1: when I was thinking about what is a good friendship,

1505
01:01:28,280 --> 01:01:31,000
Speaker 1: and what I realized is that for me, you guys

1506
01:01:31,160 --> 01:01:33,280
Speaker 1: tick every box of that and I'll read them to

1507
01:01:33,280 --> 01:01:34,520
Speaker 1: you and maybe we can like have a little bit

1508
01:01:34,560 --> 01:01:36,800
Speaker 1: of a back and forth about them, because I feel

1509
01:01:36,800 --> 01:01:38,880
Speaker 1: like it depicts us a lot. You feel good about

1510
01:01:38,920 --> 01:01:41,720
Speaker 1: yourself around them. You don't feel like you're competing, which

1511
01:01:41,760 --> 01:01:43,640
Speaker 1: I feel like I've never felt like I've been competing

1512
01:01:43,680 --> 01:01:46,440
Speaker 1: in a room when we walk in together, when we

1513
01:01:46,920 --> 01:01:50,480
Speaker 1: are speaking about things that we may even want to

1514
01:01:50,520 --> 01:01:52,840
Speaker 1: do at the same time, Like nothing has ever felt

1515
01:01:52,880 --> 01:01:56,040
Speaker 1: like a competition. There's been genuine support, love and care

1516
01:01:56,080 --> 01:01:59,320
Speaker 1: like and I remember before you would be walking into

1517
01:01:59,360 --> 01:02:01,040
Speaker 1: rooms and people people I would be meeting people, they'd

1518
01:02:01,040 --> 01:02:03,200
Speaker 1: be like, yeah, we know about you. Deepaka told me

1519
01:02:03,240 --> 01:02:05,520
Speaker 1: about you. Deeps was talking about me in like every

1520
01:02:05,560 --> 01:02:07,320
Speaker 1: room she was going into. It was literally like she

1521
01:02:07,440 --> 01:02:08,000
Speaker 1: was my wife.

1522
01:02:08,040 --> 01:02:09,840
Speaker 4: Well, I just felt like these brands were sleeping on

1523
01:02:09,960 --> 01:02:13,720
Speaker 4: RADI I was like, Rebok, come on, like insert every

1524
01:02:13,720 --> 01:02:16,080
Speaker 4: brand in the world, like this girl is it.

1525
01:02:16,160 --> 01:02:17,320
Speaker 1: They would be like, do you want to do a deal?

1526
01:02:17,400 --> 01:02:19,720
Speaker 1: She's like yeah, but could you also do one with

1527
01:02:19,960 --> 01:02:20,440
Speaker 1: my friend?

1528
01:02:20,600 --> 01:02:22,320
Speaker 5: And she was just always it's more fun to do

1529
01:02:22,360 --> 01:02:23,000
Speaker 5: it with your friends.

1530
01:02:23,160 --> 01:02:25,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, it is, but no, you always you always did

1531
01:02:25,520 --> 01:02:26,880
Speaker 1: that for me, and you should.

1532
01:02:26,680 --> 01:02:29,680
Speaker 4: Have friends who are talking about you in rooms. Yes,

1533
01:02:29,720 --> 01:02:32,040
Speaker 4: when you're around in a possible a.

1534
01:02:31,960 --> 01:02:34,720
Speaker 1: Positive way, you want to spend time with them. You

1535
01:02:34,760 --> 01:02:37,760
Speaker 1: don't avoid them. Being able to express how you feel

1536
01:02:37,760 --> 01:02:40,400
Speaker 1: if there's been disagreements without their being offense or being

1537
01:02:40,400 --> 01:02:44,240
Speaker 1: taken too seriously or remembering that negative interaction as part

1538
01:02:44,280 --> 01:02:46,520
Speaker 1: of your relationship, like you can tell the person you've

1539
01:02:46,600 --> 01:02:49,200
Speaker 1: upset me. This really annoyed me, but let's just keep

1540
01:02:49,200 --> 01:02:50,480
Speaker 1: it moving like you resolve it at the.

1541
01:02:50,400 --> 01:02:53,120
Speaker 2: Time, and we haven't had any anything.

1542
01:02:53,200 --> 01:02:54,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, all right, we'll see about that on that.

1543
01:02:55,080 --> 01:02:57,280
Speaker 4: But I think that avoiding what you want to spend

1544
01:02:57,320 --> 01:02:59,760
Speaker 4: time with each other, and you don't avoid each other, yes,

1545
01:02:59,800 --> 01:03:02,600
Speaker 4: but also recognizing sometimes I just don't want to see humans.

1546
01:03:02,640 --> 01:03:04,800
Speaker 1: Oh, definitely is There's so many times where Deep's has

1547
01:03:04,800 --> 01:03:06,440
Speaker 1: been like, oh yeah, coh, wait, we're gonna hang out.

1548
01:03:06,440 --> 01:03:07,880
Speaker 1: We're gonna hang out. It gets to like ten minutes

1549
01:03:07,880 --> 01:03:09,520
Speaker 1: before she's like, I'm not coming home on my cow

1550
01:03:09,600 --> 01:03:10,920
Speaker 1: to call me bulb it to gap, and I'm like,

1551
01:03:10,960 --> 01:03:11,360
Speaker 1: I mean.

1552
01:03:11,280 --> 01:03:12,080
Speaker 3: Oh my gosh.

1553
01:03:12,240 --> 01:03:14,360
Speaker 2: Or I was the one that got her started on

1554
01:03:14,400 --> 01:03:17,160
Speaker 2: Love is Blind and she the day before text me

1555
01:03:17,160 --> 01:03:18,400
Speaker 2: and was like, let's watch it together.

1556
01:03:18,480 --> 01:03:21,120
Speaker 3: We'll do this, we'll do that. And literally the next

1557
01:03:21,160 --> 01:03:23,560
Speaker 3: day she tells me, she goes, I'm starting it now.

1558
01:03:23,600 --> 01:03:24,600
Speaker 3: I can't get out of it.

1559
01:03:24,760 --> 01:03:26,640
Speaker 4: I want to tell you to sign up for hot

1560
01:03:26,680 --> 01:03:28,640
Speaker 4: yoga and then.

1561
01:03:28,080 --> 01:03:30,320
Speaker 3: You know, not even mad about that.

1562
01:03:30,520 --> 01:03:32,400
Speaker 5: But I have to tell you what a relief it is.

1563
01:03:32,440 --> 01:03:35,120
Speaker 4: I was telling you yesterday, like such a relief to

1564
01:03:35,200 --> 01:03:38,560
Speaker 4: know that your immediate assumption was this girl works really

1565
01:03:38,560 --> 01:03:41,560
Speaker 4: hard and she just passed out instead of saying I

1566
01:03:41,560 --> 01:03:44,120
Speaker 4: can't believe it is, how dare she doesn't care about me?

1567
01:03:44,200 --> 01:03:45,439
Speaker 1: Which happens, and it's so true.

1568
01:03:45,480 --> 01:03:47,680
Speaker 5: I woke up in a panic, freaking.

1569
01:03:47,320 --> 01:03:49,440
Speaker 3: Out Instagram videos.

1570
01:03:49,680 --> 01:03:52,280
Speaker 4: Yeah, like making fun of me as a joke, but like, honestly,

1571
01:03:52,320 --> 01:03:54,160
Speaker 4: it is such a relief. I don't know anyone out

1572
01:03:54,160 --> 01:03:56,120
Speaker 4: there who's listening to this who has friends that make

1573
01:03:56,200 --> 01:03:59,840
Speaker 4: them feel so so bad about those things without recognizing

1574
01:04:00,040 --> 01:04:02,800
Speaker 4: everything has a story behind why the person did it?

1575
01:04:02,920 --> 01:04:04,240
Speaker 5: Just your friends that know you know.

1576
01:04:04,280 --> 01:04:07,840
Speaker 1: You definitely, Yeah, I agree. And the reciprocation that we

1577
01:04:07,920 --> 01:04:10,080
Speaker 1: have as well, Like I feel like even though we

1578
01:04:10,160 --> 01:04:12,560
Speaker 1: may not reciprocate in the same way, like I may

1579
01:04:12,600 --> 01:04:14,640
Speaker 1: give to you, I may cook for you, but then

1580
01:04:14,680 --> 01:04:16,600
Speaker 1: you guys give back to me in different ways, and

1581
01:04:16,600 --> 01:04:20,840
Speaker 1: there's reciprocation that keeps cycling, but but doesn't have to

1582
01:04:20,880 --> 01:04:23,080
Speaker 1: be tip for tat. It's not like, oh, you got

1583
01:04:23,080 --> 01:04:25,880
Speaker 1: my bills. So now I think everything everything doesn't have

1584
01:04:25,960 --> 01:04:27,440
Speaker 1: to be so transactional.

1585
01:04:27,640 --> 01:04:29,040
Speaker 3: There's ever been an expectation.

1586
01:04:29,240 --> 01:04:31,080
Speaker 1: No, it's just you give with your heart and then

1587
01:04:31,120 --> 01:04:33,240
Speaker 1: you don't care whether you get it back. But if

1588
01:04:33,440 --> 01:04:35,520
Speaker 1: but everything is about you choose what you give to me.

1589
01:04:35,600 --> 01:04:37,080
Speaker 1: I choose what I give to you. I'm not waiting

1590
01:04:37,120 --> 01:04:39,480
Speaker 1: for you to give to me. Yeah, And I think

1591
01:04:39,600 --> 01:04:42,120
Speaker 1: you know, I used to be that person who would

1592
01:04:42,200 --> 01:04:44,360
Speaker 1: just want to pour into people. And I used to

1593
01:04:44,360 --> 01:04:45,480
Speaker 1: be like, oh, you know, it doesn't matter if they

1594
01:04:45,520 --> 01:04:46,880
Speaker 1: give to me or not, Like it really doesn't matter.

1595
01:04:46,920 --> 01:04:48,960
Speaker 1: I'll cook for them. I'll do this for them, I'll

1596
01:04:49,040 --> 01:04:51,040
Speaker 1: spend money on their kids. It gets to you, well,

1597
01:04:51,080 --> 01:04:52,760
Speaker 1: it gets to you because there's no growth then in

1598
01:04:52,800 --> 01:04:55,640
Speaker 1: the friendship, Like there's no growth if you don't have

1599
01:04:55,760 --> 01:04:58,600
Speaker 1: a reciprocation cycle going, because then you're just stagnant in

1600
01:04:58,640 --> 01:05:00,640
Speaker 1: one place. It's only so much. And that's the same

1601
01:05:00,680 --> 01:05:02,800
Speaker 1: in a relationship, right, There's only so much that can

1602
01:05:02,800 --> 01:05:05,600
Speaker 1: happen in a relationship if there's only one person giving,

1603
01:05:05,600 --> 01:05:08,280
Speaker 1: if it's a ninety ten split, you're only making that

1604
01:05:08,360 --> 01:05:10,480
Speaker 1: much progress. And so I feel like that's the same

1605
01:05:10,480 --> 01:05:13,000
Speaker 1: in a friendship. I've noticed where I have given everything

1606
01:05:13,040 --> 01:05:16,840
Speaker 1: and they haven't invited me back or reciprocated back. Over time,

1607
01:05:16,880 --> 01:05:18,600
Speaker 1: it just fizzles out because there's only so much you

1608
01:05:18,640 --> 01:05:19,320
Speaker 1: can keep doing.

1609
01:05:19,680 --> 01:05:22,800
Speaker 4: I think that's so important because I remember previously feeling

1610
01:05:22,840 --> 01:05:24,680
Speaker 4: like you give so much to people, and I was

1611
01:05:24,720 --> 01:05:28,680
Speaker 4: like Radie, like stop, like you're just doing so much,

1612
01:05:28,760 --> 01:05:31,600
Speaker 4: And you told me they do so much for me

1613
01:05:31,680 --> 01:05:34,280
Speaker 4: in a different way, and I didn't realize that. So

1614
01:05:34,320 --> 01:05:36,040
Speaker 4: I think this idea of like love languages that we

1615
01:05:36,080 --> 01:05:38,760
Speaker 4: think of romantic partners also exist with friends repress.

1616
01:05:39,600 --> 01:05:40,720
Speaker 5: And I didn't realize that.

1617
01:05:40,720 --> 01:05:43,000
Speaker 4: I was just like you're just giving and giving, and

1618
01:05:43,040 --> 01:05:44,480
Speaker 4: it's like, no, actually, they give to me too. It's

1619
01:05:44,520 --> 01:05:46,040
Speaker 4: not the same way you're seeing me give to them,

1620
01:05:46,600 --> 01:05:47,680
Speaker 4: but they're still giving.

1621
01:05:47,480 --> 01:05:49,640
Speaker 1: And you end up getting for me. I know, I've

1622
01:05:49,640 --> 01:05:53,000
Speaker 1: realized that I get so much more joy from being

1623
01:05:53,080 --> 01:05:55,880
Speaker 1: able to just express my heart rather than subduing it

1624
01:05:56,320 --> 01:05:58,640
Speaker 1: because of how other people react. And I just realized

1625
01:05:58,760 --> 01:06:01,360
Speaker 1: people don't necessarily know how to give like that, Like

1626
01:06:01,400 --> 01:06:03,600
Speaker 1: they don't necessarily know how to be that open. And

1627
01:06:03,640 --> 01:06:06,400
Speaker 1: so over time I've noticed with friends where when I've

1628
01:06:06,400 --> 01:06:08,960
Speaker 1: been like that, slowly it's chipped away at them to

1629
01:06:09,000 --> 01:06:12,520
Speaker 1: then feel comfortable to also be that open and expressive.

1630
01:06:12,720 --> 01:06:14,320
Speaker 1: And I feel like I'd rather be that way than

1631
01:06:14,400 --> 01:06:15,960
Speaker 1: feel like I want to do this. But I don't

1632
01:06:15,960 --> 01:06:17,040
Speaker 1: know how they're going to think, or what they're going

1633
01:06:17,120 --> 01:06:19,240
Speaker 1: to what they're going to do, or how they're gonna feel.

1634
01:06:19,320 --> 01:06:21,240
Speaker 1: You know, whenever I've seen you, guys, if there's certain

1635
01:06:21,280 --> 01:06:25,040
Speaker 1: areas I feel like you are struggling with, like if

1636
01:06:25,080 --> 01:06:26,560
Speaker 1: it was to do with or even me, when I'm

1637
01:06:26,560 --> 01:06:28,600
Speaker 1: struggling with the way that I don't feel good about

1638
01:06:28,600 --> 01:06:31,800
Speaker 1: myself or my health or my meditation, whatever it is.

1639
01:06:32,280 --> 01:06:34,640
Speaker 1: I feel everybody is very instinct to know, you know

1640
01:06:34,640 --> 01:06:36,000
Speaker 1: what you need a little bit more support in this

1641
01:06:36,040 --> 01:06:37,920
Speaker 1: way right now. So I know, if I've noticed my

1642
01:06:38,000 --> 01:06:40,760
Speaker 1: friends struggling with their body image, I'll compliment them all

1643
01:06:40,800 --> 01:06:43,400
Speaker 1: in a genuine way. I'll support the way that like

1644
01:06:43,520 --> 01:06:45,560
Speaker 1: telling them that they look nice in certain things, talking

1645
01:06:45,560 --> 01:06:47,280
Speaker 1: about the hair, talking about the way that they look.

1646
01:06:47,320 --> 01:06:49,720
Speaker 1: Because I think when you notice and you're actually more

1647
01:06:49,720 --> 01:06:52,640
Speaker 1: attentive to your friends, you end up becoming so much

1648
01:06:52,640 --> 01:06:55,760
Speaker 1: more in tune with what they need. So if I

1649
01:06:55,800 --> 01:06:58,080
Speaker 1: know you're lonely, or if I know someone else is lonely,

1650
01:06:58,080 --> 01:07:00,280
Speaker 1: I'll be like, Okay, come over to do this. Yeah,

1651
01:07:00,480 --> 01:07:02,840
Speaker 1: And I just think that's it's not a it's not

1652
01:07:03,080 --> 01:07:05,880
Speaker 1: a calculated thing. It's more of a I'm noticing what

1653
01:07:05,920 --> 01:07:08,880
Speaker 1: my friend needs, let me fill that gap or let

1654
01:07:08,920 --> 01:07:10,200
Speaker 1: me provide that for them.

1655
01:07:10,280 --> 01:07:12,600
Speaker 2: And it's also something that you love to do, Like

1656
01:07:12,600 --> 01:07:14,560
Speaker 2: you love having people come over, so it's not so

1657
01:07:14,680 --> 01:07:17,960
Speaker 2: crazy for you to offer that to someone or even

1658
01:07:18,000 --> 01:07:20,240
Speaker 2: like the three of us we love all.

1659
01:07:20,120 --> 01:07:20,840
Speaker 3: Love working out.

1660
01:07:21,240 --> 01:07:23,520
Speaker 2: Yes, And so that is I feel like that's what

1661
01:07:23,560 --> 01:07:25,600
Speaker 2: really went on a foundation. Yeah, Like I didn't even

1662
01:07:25,680 --> 01:07:28,360
Speaker 2: know that you know you sometimes difficult through a hard time.

1663
01:07:28,400 --> 01:07:29,760
Speaker 2: You walk going through one today and I hit her

1664
01:07:29,840 --> 01:07:32,280
Speaker 2: up and I said, hey, come work out, and we

1665
01:07:32,320 --> 01:07:34,400
Speaker 2: do that for each other. And then it's I mean,

1666
01:07:34,440 --> 01:07:36,520
Speaker 2: it's not all good, but it's a nice way for

1667
01:07:37,120 --> 01:07:39,280
Speaker 2: me to be there as a friend and an activity

1668
01:07:39,320 --> 01:07:41,040
Speaker 2: that I know she enjoys and vice versa.

1669
01:07:41,160 --> 01:07:43,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, agreed. And then when we were just talking about

1670
01:07:43,520 --> 01:07:47,400
Speaker 1: healthy friendships have healthy boundaries, I feel like knowing that

1671
01:07:48,360 --> 01:07:51,000
Speaker 1: you don't have to be everything to one person. And

1672
01:07:51,040 --> 01:07:53,800
Speaker 1: I remember wanting this one friend when I was younger

1673
01:07:53,840 --> 01:07:55,840
Speaker 1: that did everything for me that it was just us

1674
01:07:55,920 --> 01:07:58,360
Speaker 1: to no one else could get in between us. It

1675
01:07:58,400 --> 01:08:00,560
Speaker 1: was like I had to tell her things, sh had

1676
01:08:00,560 --> 01:08:02,440
Speaker 1: to tell me everything. We have to have this like

1677
01:08:02,920 --> 01:08:04,320
Speaker 1: insane close relationship.

1678
01:08:04,400 --> 01:08:05,800
Speaker 3: You can't have anyone else in that.

1679
01:08:06,000 --> 01:08:08,320
Speaker 1: No, And that's another thing that I think. It is

1680
01:08:08,680 --> 01:08:11,720
Speaker 1: a healthy friendship where even if we've even if we're

1681
01:08:11,720 --> 01:08:14,320
Speaker 1: all together, even if I introduced my two friends, or

1682
01:08:14,480 --> 01:08:16,160
Speaker 1: it makes me so happy when people hung out.

1683
01:08:16,200 --> 01:08:17,120
Speaker 5: I got a great example.

1684
01:08:17,360 --> 01:08:20,519
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, we met through you and we're going yeah, yeah,

1685
01:08:20,640 --> 01:08:22,760
Speaker 2: going on a trip to gat Like you know what

1686
01:08:22,760 --> 01:08:23,040
Speaker 2: I mean.

1687
01:08:23,080 --> 01:08:24,840
Speaker 5: It's not a sense of like what.

1688
01:08:25,160 --> 01:08:27,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, No, not even if you guys. I think it's

1689
01:08:27,920 --> 01:08:30,600
Speaker 1: just the feeling of when you feel comfortable in your friendships,

1690
01:08:30,680 --> 01:08:34,000
Speaker 1: when you feel comfortable in how close you are or

1691
01:08:34,560 --> 01:08:37,120
Speaker 1: know where you stand with the other person, there's no

1692
01:08:37,240 --> 01:08:39,559
Speaker 1: sense of like, why didn't you invite me? Why am

1693
01:08:39,600 --> 01:08:40,760
Speaker 1: I not included in this?

1694
01:08:40,840 --> 01:08:41,080
Speaker 3: Why?

1695
01:08:41,240 --> 01:08:42,880
Speaker 1: I think that's just such a and if you want

1696
01:08:42,880 --> 01:08:45,280
Speaker 1: to be just tell them, like, can you just invite

1697
01:08:45,320 --> 01:08:45,639
Speaker 1: me here?

1698
01:08:45,720 --> 01:08:45,920
Speaker 3: Yeah?

1699
01:08:46,040 --> 01:08:47,559
Speaker 4: I think the time, I feel like my cup is

1700
01:08:47,560 --> 01:08:48,800
Speaker 4: filled seeing my friends together.

1701
01:08:48,840 --> 01:08:50,600
Speaker 5: I'm like, great, they're enjoying each other. Yeah, you go

1702
01:08:50,880 --> 01:08:51,280
Speaker 5: take a nap.

1703
01:08:51,560 --> 01:08:51,920
Speaker 3: Yeah.

1704
01:08:52,000 --> 01:08:53,639
Speaker 2: And I feel like we also have the friendship where

1705
01:08:53,680 --> 01:08:55,760
Speaker 2: if like you know, I know you guys are doing something,

1706
01:08:55,800 --> 01:08:56,599
Speaker 2: I just invite myself.

1707
01:08:56,600 --> 01:08:58,639
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, I love that exactly.

1708
01:08:58,840 --> 01:09:00,840
Speaker 1: That's what I mean, Like, rather than taking offense, it's

1709
01:09:00,840 --> 01:09:03,120
Speaker 1: just like knowing that it would never be done intentional.

1710
01:09:03,200 --> 01:09:04,880
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, I just was like I'm coming next time.

1711
01:09:05,120 --> 01:09:05,400
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1712
01:09:05,400 --> 01:09:07,760
Speaker 1: But I've been that friend who has been who when

1713
01:09:07,800 --> 01:09:11,120
Speaker 1: I was younger, wasn't wasn't like comfortable in my friendship

1714
01:09:11,120 --> 01:09:13,240
Speaker 1: where I was so upset when friends would hang out.

1715
01:09:13,240 --> 01:09:15,680
Speaker 1: I would be so upset when they wouldn't invite me

1716
01:09:15,720 --> 01:09:18,679
Speaker 1: places or get very nervous when two people were getting

1717
01:09:18,680 --> 01:09:20,960
Speaker 1: closer to each other, and I was felt like I

1718
01:09:21,000 --> 01:09:23,519
Speaker 1: was going to be kind of taken out of that equation.

1719
01:09:23,800 --> 01:09:26,599
Speaker 2: And that's such an interesting topic because sometimes you are

1720
01:09:26,640 --> 01:09:28,760
Speaker 2: taken out of the wation and and that's happened to

1721
01:09:28,760 --> 01:09:29,559
Speaker 2: me quite a lot.

1722
01:09:29,640 --> 01:09:30,719
Speaker 3: I'm a really good connector.

1723
01:09:30,720 --> 01:09:32,840
Speaker 2: And the amount of friendships that exist to this day

1724
01:09:32,880 --> 01:09:35,760
Speaker 2: and I'm out of that circle, it's crazy. And I mean,

1725
01:09:35,800 --> 01:09:38,320
Speaker 2: I've learned to be okay with it now, but it's

1726
01:09:38,360 --> 01:09:40,680
Speaker 2: definitely a fear of mine. And I even you know,

1727
01:09:40,760 --> 01:09:43,080
Speaker 2: I met deep through you. I was like, I never

1728
01:09:43,160 --> 01:09:46,120
Speaker 2: want writy to feel that way, and whenever I genuinely

1729
01:09:46,120 --> 01:09:48,439
Speaker 2: like hang out with you, but I'm very conscious of that,

1730
01:09:48,479 --> 01:09:50,919
Speaker 2: and I think it's okay to be conscious of that sometimes.

1731
01:09:51,120 --> 01:09:53,840
Speaker 1: And there's different friends for different things. That's what I love. Like.

1732
01:09:54,120 --> 01:09:56,000
Speaker 1: I love that I have my friendship with you that

1733
01:09:56,080 --> 01:09:58,160
Speaker 1: I know if I want to work out, I know

1734
01:09:58,280 --> 01:09:59,880
Speaker 1: I can hear up twice a day and we could

1735
01:09:59,880 --> 01:10:02,519
Speaker 1: go out and work out and do anything. And you're

1736
01:10:02,520 --> 01:10:04,880
Speaker 1: also a spontaneous friend where I can message you last

1737
01:10:04,920 --> 01:10:06,800
Speaker 1: minute and you'll probably be up for doing things. And

1738
01:10:06,880 --> 01:10:09,240
Speaker 1: I'm also that person. I love doing last minute things.

1739
01:10:09,280 --> 01:10:11,240
Speaker 1: But then I also have friends who like things scheduled

1740
01:10:11,240 --> 01:10:14,120
Speaker 1: and everything has to be because of their schedule. We can't.

1741
01:10:14,120 --> 01:10:15,880
Speaker 1: We have to plan a week ahead. And then I

1742
01:10:15,880 --> 01:10:17,640
Speaker 1: have friends that I go to for deep conversations. I

1743
01:10:17,640 --> 01:10:19,200
Speaker 1: have friends that I go to just when I want

1744
01:10:19,200 --> 01:10:21,519
Speaker 1: to have a lighthearted chat, friends that I go You know,

1745
01:10:21,560 --> 01:10:23,880
Speaker 1: there are just so many different categories that friends can

1746
01:10:24,080 --> 01:10:27,640
Speaker 1: can slip into that I think it's okay that. And

1747
01:10:27,680 --> 01:10:29,160
Speaker 1: I know if I want to talk about business, I

1748
01:10:29,160 --> 01:10:31,519
Speaker 1: know exactly who I'm going to. I think it's just

1749
01:10:31,560 --> 01:10:35,360
Speaker 1: being okay with having those different angles with different people.

1750
01:10:35,400 --> 01:10:38,320
Speaker 2: Right now, it's definitely okay. And I think it's just

1751
01:10:38,360 --> 01:10:41,920
Speaker 2: also understanding that there are other friends that maybe a

1752
01:10:41,960 --> 01:10:45,479
Speaker 2: friend will go to like exactly. Yet's say for business,

1753
01:10:45,640 --> 01:10:47,559
Speaker 2: you'll definitely go to deep. Let's say I was in

1754
01:10:47,600 --> 01:10:50,479
Speaker 2: a different place in my life and I'm starting mine.

1755
01:10:50,920 --> 01:10:53,600
Speaker 2: I think, if you're insecure with yourself and you're wondering, well,

1756
01:10:53,600 --> 01:10:54,600
Speaker 2: why wouldn't they come to me?

1757
01:10:54,880 --> 01:10:56,160
Speaker 3: That's something deeper rooted.

1758
01:10:56,240 --> 01:10:58,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, it has nothing to do with the other person,

1759
01:10:58,080 --> 01:11:00,960
Speaker 2: and nothing is personal. And that's what I love about

1760
01:11:01,000 --> 01:11:03,759
Speaker 2: all of us too. Like we don't take anything personal

1761
01:11:04,000 --> 01:11:06,120
Speaker 2: at all with each other. I mean, I think what

1762
01:11:06,240 --> 01:11:08,200
Speaker 2: was it. We were supposed to go to pilates and

1763
01:11:08,240 --> 01:11:09,720
Speaker 2: you were like, oh.

1764
01:11:09,360 --> 01:11:10,960
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go I'm going to a different class.

1765
01:11:11,040 --> 01:11:14,639
Speaker 3: Yeah, and I was like fine, but I was okay

1766
01:11:14,680 --> 01:11:15,000
Speaker 3: with it.

1767
01:11:15,160 --> 01:11:15,360
Speaker 2: You know.

1768
01:11:15,479 --> 01:11:15,599
Speaker 1: Oh.

1769
01:11:15,680 --> 01:11:15,880
Speaker 3: Yeah.

1770
01:11:15,960 --> 01:11:18,160
Speaker 4: Even on Saturday we were like gonna hang out and

1771
01:11:18,200 --> 01:11:19,479
Speaker 4: then we were like, hey, we're probably not going to

1772
01:11:19,520 --> 01:11:19,840
Speaker 4: go anywhere.

1773
01:11:19,880 --> 01:11:20,960
Speaker 5: You're like, yeah, I'm just going to stay in.

1774
01:11:21,479 --> 01:11:25,120
Speaker 3: Yeah. Not taking anything personally is so cute. It never

1775
01:11:25,160 --> 01:11:25,880
Speaker 3: has to do and.

1776
01:11:25,760 --> 01:11:28,160
Speaker 1: It can be difficult, and I think again it stems

1777
01:11:28,160 --> 01:11:30,000
Speaker 1: from where you're at in life, right, and you can

1778
01:11:30,040 --> 01:11:32,320
Speaker 1: go through different flows of that through your life, and

1779
01:11:32,880 --> 01:11:34,680
Speaker 1: and maybe you have to support each other if you

1780
01:11:34,720 --> 01:11:38,000
Speaker 1: want to maintain friendship. You notice when your friend needs

1781
01:11:38,000 --> 01:11:40,640
Speaker 1: extra support and when you need extra support, and it

1782
01:11:40,680 --> 01:11:43,439
Speaker 1: can go through those ups and downs. But I think

1783
01:11:43,479 --> 01:11:46,439
Speaker 1: the essence of it is just if you're not comfortable

1784
01:11:46,439 --> 01:11:48,879
Speaker 1: in your friendships, If anyone feels insecure in their friendships,

1785
01:11:48,920 --> 01:11:51,080
Speaker 1: you have to either have a conversation about it or

1786
01:11:51,120 --> 01:11:52,920
Speaker 1: you have to figure out what is it, where is

1787
01:11:52,920 --> 01:11:55,679
Speaker 1: it rooting from? Because going through friendships in that way

1788
01:11:55,720 --> 01:11:58,599
Speaker 1: are not friendships. Having that as your friendship is not

1789
01:11:58,680 --> 01:11:59,800
Speaker 1: a healthy friendship to have.

1790
01:12:00,120 --> 01:12:03,439
Speaker 2: It's also meeting people where they're at, Yeah, understanding their

1791
01:12:03,479 --> 01:12:05,920
Speaker 2: personality trades and not taking offense to them.

1792
01:12:05,960 --> 01:12:09,160
Speaker 1: No, because everyone's got weeds, they're just different. Yeah, just recognize.

1793
01:12:09,160 --> 01:12:11,000
Speaker 1: Like I always think about this where I just have

1794
01:12:11,040 --> 01:12:12,840
Speaker 1: so much ego about the things that I didn't do.

1795
01:12:12,960 --> 01:12:14,160
Speaker 1: Like I go, I I was like, oh, I don't

1796
01:12:14,200 --> 01:12:17,000
Speaker 1: drink and I don't never take whatever it is, like

1797
01:12:17,080 --> 01:12:19,599
Speaker 1: whatever things I didn't do. And I realize every single

1798
01:12:19,640 --> 01:12:22,760
Speaker 1: person like just because I don't relate to something and

1799
01:12:22,800 --> 01:12:25,000
Speaker 1: I don't relate to someone else's weeds that they have

1800
01:12:25,400 --> 01:12:28,519
Speaker 1: doesn't make my weeds any better than their. Every single

1801
01:12:28,560 --> 01:12:30,400
Speaker 1: person has things that they're working on. I just call

1802
01:12:30,439 --> 01:12:33,439
Speaker 1: them weeds, But every single person has weeds. Sometimes we

1803
01:12:33,560 --> 01:12:35,640
Speaker 1: just think other peoples are worse than ours because we

1804
01:12:35,680 --> 01:12:38,400
Speaker 1: don't recognize them in ourselves or we don't necessarily have

1805
01:12:38,479 --> 01:12:41,280
Speaker 1: them to the same extent. And so I know there

1806
01:12:41,320 --> 01:12:43,360
Speaker 1: may be things in my life that I have which

1807
01:12:43,360 --> 01:12:45,800
Speaker 1: are huge weeds in my heart, and I may not

1808
01:12:45,800 --> 01:12:47,360
Speaker 1: see them in other peoples. And at the same time,

1809
01:12:47,400 --> 01:12:50,160
Speaker 1: I see huge weeds in other people that I don't

1810
01:12:50,160 --> 01:12:52,479
Speaker 1: recognize at all, and so I think they're way worse

1811
01:12:52,520 --> 01:12:55,280
Speaker 1: than mine, But they're so not. Everyone just has stuff

1812
01:12:55,280 --> 01:12:57,720
Speaker 1: that they are dealing with and figuring out. We're all

1813
01:12:57,720 --> 01:12:59,639
Speaker 1: going through the same stuff, but it just looks different

1814
01:12:59,680 --> 01:13:01,439
Speaker 1: in each and that's why you just have to give

1815
01:13:01,439 --> 01:13:02,320
Speaker 1: people so much grace.

1816
01:13:02,479 --> 01:13:05,559
Speaker 2: Right the minute I stopped taking things so personally, I

1817
01:13:05,600 --> 01:13:08,759
Speaker 2: became so much happier. I'm like, Eh, they're in a season,

1818
01:13:08,920 --> 01:13:10,519
Speaker 2: or Eh, they're probably going through something.

1819
01:13:10,920 --> 01:13:12,280
Speaker 3: It's not towards me whatever.

1820
01:13:12,800 --> 01:13:16,439
Speaker 4: I like my friends who are in relationships or have

1821
01:13:16,479 --> 01:13:20,800
Speaker 4: a partner versus are single. I feel like I over

1822
01:13:21,040 --> 01:13:24,519
Speaker 4: check on my single friends because in my brain I

1823
01:13:24,600 --> 01:13:26,840
Speaker 4: used to think of it as they're already taking camera,

1824
01:13:26,920 --> 01:13:29,880
Speaker 4: they already have somebody, and I think, like the intention

1825
01:13:30,000 --> 01:13:32,519
Speaker 4: behind it is right and fair, like it's like, okay,

1826
01:13:32,720 --> 01:13:34,360
Speaker 4: let me just see how this person's doing. Like I'll

1827
01:13:34,439 --> 01:13:36,040
Speaker 4: randomly text you, will call you and just say how

1828
01:13:36,320 --> 01:13:38,920
Speaker 4: how are you doing do because we're both like we're

1829
01:13:38,920 --> 01:13:40,000
Speaker 4: both going through.

1830
01:13:39,960 --> 01:13:41,880
Speaker 1: So I mean, I didn't get those schools or texts,

1831
01:13:41,920 --> 01:13:43,680
Speaker 1: but that's my.

1832
01:13:43,720 --> 01:13:45,920
Speaker 5: Point, right, And then recently, no, I mean it when

1833
01:13:45,920 --> 01:13:47,400
Speaker 5: we recently went on like a hiker.

1834
01:13:47,560 --> 01:13:49,840
Speaker 4: When we were at the honor or whatever, you were

1835
01:13:49,880 --> 01:13:52,120
Speaker 4: telling me things that I was just like, Wow, I

1836
01:13:52,120 --> 01:13:55,439
Speaker 4: guess I just assumed because Roddy it has a husband,

1837
01:13:55,479 --> 01:13:57,439
Speaker 4: and not only just a husband, but like the healthiest

1838
01:13:57,479 --> 01:14:00,800
Speaker 4: husband in the world, that like, she's not going through things.

1839
01:14:00,800 --> 01:14:03,520
Speaker 4: And I think, like it was such a good reminder,

1840
01:14:03,800 --> 01:14:06,040
Speaker 4: and I think again, this podcast existing is such a

1841
01:14:06,040 --> 01:14:08,880
Speaker 4: reminder that every bud he's going through things. So check

1842
01:14:08,920 --> 01:14:11,080
Speaker 4: on all your friends, not just you know that's saying,

1843
01:14:11,240 --> 01:14:12,640
Speaker 4: not just your strong friends.

1844
01:14:12,439 --> 01:14:15,200
Speaker 2: Or you're we yea, all your friends, even if they

1845
01:14:15,200 --> 01:14:17,479
Speaker 2: don't respond because one thing with you for some reason,

1846
01:14:17,560 --> 01:14:19,400
Speaker 2: I was like, I don't even know if you noticed this,

1847
01:14:19,520 --> 01:14:22,400
Speaker 2: but Robbie doesn't respond half the time, by the way,

1848
01:14:23,040 --> 01:14:25,080
Speaker 2: you guys know, she never responds.

1849
01:14:25,120 --> 01:14:27,200
Speaker 3: When she got to you, I did respond, but especially

1850
01:14:27,240 --> 01:14:28,679
Speaker 3: when you're out of town. But that's okay.

1851
01:14:28,760 --> 01:14:30,960
Speaker 2: I don't take it personally though, because I still want

1852
01:14:31,000 --> 01:14:32,240
Speaker 2: you to know that your thought of here.

1853
01:14:32,760 --> 01:14:33,840
Speaker 3: So I'll just text you, like I.

1854
01:14:33,880 --> 01:14:36,000
Speaker 2: Think one time I was going through something with that

1855
01:14:36,200 --> 01:14:39,720
Speaker 2: dude whatever and then I said no, no, I did. No.

1856
01:14:39,800 --> 01:14:41,519
Speaker 4: You don't respond a lot, but it's okay. Jay says

1857
01:14:41,560 --> 01:14:42,920
Speaker 4: you don't respond to him either, so it's like.

1858
01:14:42,920 --> 01:14:46,840
Speaker 3: No, I did, that's why. But I know that about

1859
01:14:46,840 --> 01:14:47,720
Speaker 3: you when you're out of town.

1860
01:14:47,840 --> 01:14:50,439
Speaker 2: I know with your people that I just I'm like,

1861
01:14:50,520 --> 01:14:51,760
Speaker 2: you know what, I want her to know that she

1862
01:14:51,800 --> 01:14:53,599
Speaker 2: still has friends even though she's married.

1863
01:14:53,800 --> 01:14:55,439
Speaker 1: So I'm taking it better of that. I actually will.

1864
01:14:56,160 --> 01:14:58,040
Speaker 5: But you're being present with whoever you're wining.

1865
01:14:58,080 --> 01:15:00,759
Speaker 1: Yeah, that no good. It's something that I'm actually working.

1866
01:15:00,800 --> 01:15:02,000
Speaker 2: No, because if you have to be on your phone

1867
01:15:02,040 --> 01:15:03,880
Speaker 2: all the time, I'm just saying, like, I know that

1868
01:15:03,960 --> 01:15:05,240
Speaker 2: about you, so I go out of my way to

1869
01:15:05,280 --> 01:15:07,720
Speaker 2: text you sometimes even if I know you're not going

1870
01:15:07,760 --> 01:15:09,400
Speaker 2: to respond, just so you know, like I still want

1871
01:15:09,439 --> 01:15:10,519
Speaker 2: you to be a part of my life. I want

1872
01:15:10,520 --> 01:15:12,200
Speaker 2: you to know the update of my life and like

1873
01:15:12,360 --> 01:15:13,479
Speaker 2: we'll talk about it when you get back.

1874
01:15:13,479 --> 01:15:15,479
Speaker 1: It's fine, okay, but I'm also gonna get better at that.

1875
01:15:15,560 --> 01:15:16,000
Speaker 3: Just fire.

1876
01:15:16,439 --> 01:15:18,120
Speaker 1: That was not a way for me to be like, yeah,

1877
01:15:18,120 --> 01:15:20,120
Speaker 1: but I want to be better. Okay, trigger something.

1878
01:15:20,320 --> 01:15:22,880
Speaker 2: You're trying to say that I understand you and I'm

1879
01:15:22,920 --> 01:15:24,280
Speaker 2: not asking for anything.

1880
01:15:24,400 --> 01:15:28,439
Speaker 1: I want to be better. Okay. Another thing, I think

1881
01:15:28,479 --> 01:15:30,880
Speaker 1: this is our first fight. Yeah, I dealt with them

1882
01:15:30,880 --> 01:15:34,960
Speaker 1: pretty Well, another thing that I have found in when

1883
01:15:34,960 --> 01:15:37,240
Speaker 1: I was younger that I used to do which made

1884
01:15:37,280 --> 01:15:39,680
Speaker 1: me not a good friend. In my opinion back in

1885
01:15:39,720 --> 01:15:43,120
Speaker 1: the day was give just because you're close to someone

1886
01:15:43,360 --> 01:15:46,960
Speaker 1: does not mean you have to give your your unrequested opinion,

1887
01:15:47,200 --> 01:15:50,120
Speaker 1: like if they have not requested my opinion, I used

1888
01:15:50,160 --> 01:15:53,160
Speaker 1: to have it. I just need you to know that

1889
01:15:53,200 --> 01:15:54,640
Speaker 1: I don't think that the way that you dealt with

1890
01:15:54,680 --> 01:15:56,840
Speaker 1: this was right or I actually think that you should

1891
01:15:56,880 --> 01:16:00,040
Speaker 1: dump your boyfriend because whatever, like whatever it is, I

1892
01:16:00,080 --> 01:16:03,240
Speaker 1: think unless no matter how close you are, whether it's

1893
01:16:03,240 --> 01:16:06,400
Speaker 1: my sister or my friend, I have now learned that

1894
01:16:06,560 --> 01:16:09,160
Speaker 1: it is not my place just because we are close

1895
01:16:09,600 --> 01:16:13,240
Speaker 1: to give my unrequested opinion, like unless someone asks me

1896
01:16:13,320 --> 01:16:15,280
Speaker 1: for it, there is no need for me to give it.

1897
01:16:15,360 --> 01:16:18,519
Speaker 1: And there's a difference between an opinion and advice. Advice

1898
01:16:18,800 --> 01:16:21,320
Speaker 1: is out of love and careen, like you are giving

1899
01:16:21,360 --> 01:16:23,679
Speaker 1: them something that's going to help them in their situation.

1900
01:16:23,960 --> 01:16:27,080
Speaker 1: Opinion is well, I think you shouldn't be doing this.

1901
01:16:27,360 --> 01:16:29,280
Speaker 1: I think this person is not good for you. But

1902
01:16:29,320 --> 01:16:30,639
Speaker 1: did they ask you for that opinion?

1903
01:16:30,800 --> 01:16:30,920
Speaker 3: Right?

1904
01:16:31,200 --> 01:16:32,920
Speaker 1: And so I think that's been a really hard thing

1905
01:16:32,960 --> 01:16:35,040
Speaker 1: for me to balance because you care about people right

1906
01:16:35,120 --> 01:16:37,599
Speaker 1: like you really want and I think there's a point

1907
01:16:37,600 --> 01:16:39,400
Speaker 1: where you could maybe say, hey, I've you know, I've

1908
01:16:39,400 --> 01:16:41,439
Speaker 1: been thinking about the situation of yours. Do you want

1909
01:16:41,479 --> 01:16:43,640
Speaker 1: to talk about it? Do you want to have a conversation.

1910
01:16:43,720 --> 01:16:45,760
Speaker 1: So even when you'll message me and be like, hey,

1911
01:16:45,760 --> 01:16:47,559
Speaker 1: this happened, I don't want to talk about it, I

1912
01:16:47,600 --> 01:16:50,800
Speaker 1: will literally be like I will not Yeah, i will

1913
01:16:50,840 --> 01:16:53,599
Speaker 1: not mention it until you and I say I'm here

1914
01:16:53,600 --> 01:16:55,080
Speaker 1: for you whenever you want it, but I will not

1915
01:16:55,160 --> 01:16:57,920
Speaker 1: mention it until that person then wants to speak about it.

1916
01:16:58,080 --> 01:16:59,320
Speaker 2: I literally sir, I was like, it's a good thing,

1917
01:16:59,360 --> 01:17:01,559
Speaker 2: We're going to write it today.

1918
01:17:02,680 --> 01:17:05,240
Speaker 1: But I think that that's important as well, because sometimes

1919
01:17:05,520 --> 01:17:08,240
Speaker 1: when people are in a difficult place and you give opinions,

1920
01:17:08,280 --> 01:17:11,000
Speaker 1: they either want you're always giving opinion from your own

1921
01:17:11,000 --> 01:17:12,840
Speaker 1: point of view, which means that it could be right

1922
01:17:12,920 --> 01:17:15,080
Speaker 1: or could be wrong for that person. And two, if

1923
01:17:15,080 --> 01:17:17,160
Speaker 1: they're in a vulnerable state, they're going to take it

1924
01:17:17,200 --> 01:17:20,200
Speaker 1: really offensively. And I've had that with friends where I

1925
01:17:20,240 --> 01:17:22,960
Speaker 1: think I'm doing it for their better, but they are

1926
01:17:23,000 --> 01:17:24,800
Speaker 1: not in a place to want to receive or hear it.

1927
01:17:24,840 --> 01:17:27,280
Speaker 1: And actually it's put a you know, a dampen on

1928
01:17:27,320 --> 01:17:29,960
Speaker 1: our relationship for sure. So I don't know how you

1929
01:17:29,960 --> 01:17:31,600
Speaker 1: guys have dealt with that in your life, being that

1930
01:17:31,680 --> 01:17:32,639
Speaker 1: person and receiving.

1931
01:17:32,840 --> 01:17:35,360
Speaker 3: I mean, I don't receive it well and.

1932
01:17:36,400 --> 01:17:37,479
Speaker 1: I don't receive it by give it.

1933
01:17:37,479 --> 01:17:40,280
Speaker 3: Okay, yeah, no I don't. I mean I think maybe

1934
01:17:40,360 --> 01:17:43,160
Speaker 3: at one point I felt that way. It's crazy.

1935
01:17:43,160 --> 01:17:45,880
Speaker 2: I wasn't really so much allowed to have friends growing up.

1936
01:17:45,960 --> 01:17:49,120
Speaker 2: My parents were super strict, so I did have friends

1937
01:17:49,160 --> 01:17:50,560
Speaker 2: in school, but I wasn't allowed to hang out with

1938
01:17:50,600 --> 01:17:53,559
Speaker 2: them after school or there were maybe the few that.

1939
01:17:53,520 --> 01:17:54,519
Speaker 3: Were allowed to come over.

1940
01:17:54,640 --> 01:17:57,400
Speaker 2: So I've had to really learn friendships as I was

1941
01:17:57,400 --> 01:18:00,120
Speaker 2: getting older. And so I think at some point and

1942
01:18:00,120 --> 01:18:02,120
Speaker 2: I was territorial over best friends and like, you have

1943
01:18:02,200 --> 01:18:04,080
Speaker 2: to tell me everything, and I feel this way, and

1944
01:18:04,160 --> 01:18:07,000
Speaker 2: I'm right because I know you and vice versa.

1945
01:18:07,280 --> 01:18:07,599
Speaker 3: Again.

1946
01:18:07,960 --> 01:18:11,160
Speaker 2: You know, I didn't see the healthiest relationships growing up,

1947
01:18:11,360 --> 01:18:14,760
Speaker 2: so I just thought that's how it was. So I've

1948
01:18:14,840 --> 01:18:16,840
Speaker 2: learned now that when someone's like that with me, I

1949
01:18:16,880 --> 01:18:18,920
Speaker 2: know it's not personal again because I've done so much

1950
01:18:18,960 --> 01:18:22,439
Speaker 2: work on myself. It's just insecurities and some people just

1951
01:18:22,439 --> 01:18:25,000
Speaker 2: need to feel secure in something and I'm.

1952
01:18:24,840 --> 01:18:26,960
Speaker 1: They want to know they've got value in your life exactly,

1953
01:18:27,160 --> 01:18:28,400
Speaker 1: Like I just need her to know this.

1954
01:18:28,600 --> 01:18:31,719
Speaker 2: So I just say thank you for your opinion, Yeah, totally,

1955
01:18:31,800 --> 01:18:33,880
Speaker 2: and then I keep it moving. Now, this is where

1956
01:18:33,920 --> 01:18:37,160
Speaker 2: it's unhealthy, where let's say someone give you an opinion

1957
01:18:37,200 --> 01:18:39,080
Speaker 2: like I think you should break up with them, and

1958
01:18:39,120 --> 01:18:42,080
Speaker 2: then you don't, and then they're like they hold it again.

1959
01:18:42,160 --> 01:18:44,479
Speaker 2: So that's when it's that's when it's toxic, and it's like,

1960
01:18:44,479 --> 01:18:46,519
Speaker 2: all right, it's too much because you're not in a

1961
01:18:46,520 --> 01:18:49,280
Speaker 2: good place and then this it just doesn't feed me

1962
01:18:49,360 --> 01:18:51,439
Speaker 2: right now, especially with what I'm going through this because

1963
01:18:51,479 --> 01:18:52,479
Speaker 2: we can only do.

1964
01:18:53,040 --> 01:18:54,519
Speaker 3: One thing at a time.

1965
01:18:54,960 --> 01:18:57,480
Speaker 2: If you're going through a hard time with a significant

1966
01:18:57,520 --> 01:18:58,960
Speaker 2: other and a friendship.

1967
01:18:58,560 --> 01:19:01,679
Speaker 3: It's too much. Yeah, you gotta make a choice.

1968
01:19:01,920 --> 01:19:04,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, And how many friendships have you, guys seen And

1969
01:19:05,080 --> 01:19:07,519
Speaker 2: I've seen them too, where they're in a toxic relationship

1970
01:19:07,560 --> 01:19:10,479
Speaker 2: and they're not ready to hear where they're you know.

1971
01:19:10,720 --> 01:19:13,320
Speaker 1: So many, so many we just have to I've noticed

1972
01:19:13,320 --> 01:19:15,559
Speaker 1: that I just have to support right and then just

1973
01:19:15,840 --> 01:19:17,000
Speaker 1: be there for them when.

1974
01:19:17,160 --> 01:19:19,640
Speaker 3: And that's what a good friend really does. Yeah, I

1975
01:19:19,640 --> 01:19:20,360
Speaker 3: mean be there.

1976
01:19:20,680 --> 01:19:23,559
Speaker 2: I mean obviously there's different circumstances, but the best thing

1977
01:19:23,600 --> 01:19:25,800
Speaker 2: you can do is just be there and listen and

1978
01:19:25,840 --> 01:19:28,720
Speaker 2: if your opinion and or advice is asked for, and

1979
01:19:28,760 --> 01:19:30,080
Speaker 2: then that's when you give it.

1980
01:19:30,320 --> 01:19:30,880
Speaker 5: Yeah.

1981
01:19:30,920 --> 01:19:33,599
Speaker 4: But I also have found that sometimes and again people

1982
01:19:33,960 --> 01:19:35,840
Speaker 4: friends don't mean to do this, but I've asked for

1983
01:19:35,880 --> 01:19:39,439
Speaker 4: advice and they give their opinion, or if I don't

1984
01:19:39,439 --> 01:19:40,960
Speaker 4: ask for it, they give their opinion, but it's not

1985
01:19:41,040 --> 01:19:44,560
Speaker 4: things that they themselves follow, right, which is really interesting.

1986
01:19:44,800 --> 01:19:46,920
Speaker 4: And again, these are like amazing great friends in my life,

1987
01:19:46,960 --> 01:19:49,280
Speaker 4: but it's like, girl, what are you doing with him?

1988
01:19:49,280 --> 01:19:51,120
Speaker 5: Blah blah blah because he's blah blah blah blah. But

1989
01:19:51,200 --> 01:19:53,120
Speaker 5: then I'm like, oh, like who are you dating?

1990
01:19:53,280 --> 01:19:57,800
Speaker 4: Yeah, it was really interesting. And then again this hypocrisy

1991
01:19:57,840 --> 01:20:01,519
Speaker 4: and hypocritical behavior is something that I really observed and recognized.

1992
01:20:01,560 --> 01:20:04,080
Speaker 4: Everyone's coming from the best intentions, but it's almost like

1993
01:20:04,720 --> 01:20:07,840
Speaker 4: it's the best way to learn and observe and grow

1994
01:20:08,040 --> 01:20:10,680
Speaker 4: is by watching other healthy people in your life and

1995
01:20:10,680 --> 01:20:12,040
Speaker 4: how they live their life.

1996
01:20:11,840 --> 01:20:14,799
Speaker 5: Rather than giving advice. Definitely, like, just let me observe

1997
01:20:14,840 --> 01:20:15,080
Speaker 5: the way.

1998
01:20:15,160 --> 01:20:16,880
Speaker 4: That's how I feel about every single day when I

1999
01:20:16,920 --> 01:20:20,559
Speaker 4: see you, It's like and you, but it's like no,

2000
01:20:20,640 --> 01:20:22,800
Speaker 4: but for real, like honestly, like waking up today on

2001
01:20:22,840 --> 01:20:25,719
Speaker 4: a Monday morning and going to yoga after the weekend

2002
01:20:25,720 --> 01:20:26,120
Speaker 4: we had.

2003
01:20:27,360 --> 01:20:31,200
Speaker 3: It's like, you know, and we were recovering from yesterday probably, but.

2004
01:20:31,240 --> 01:20:32,479
Speaker 5: I wanted to wake up and do it in my

2005
01:20:32,520 --> 01:20:33,760
Speaker 5: trainer canceled, and if you had a.

2006
01:20:33,800 --> 01:20:36,280
Speaker 3: Test, I wouldn't have gotten nothing you want. It felt

2007
01:20:36,320 --> 01:20:37,160
Speaker 3: gross right now.

2008
01:20:37,160 --> 01:20:39,400
Speaker 4: But I think the best way that you can impact

2009
01:20:39,439 --> 01:20:41,639
Speaker 4: my life, rather than giving me advice saying I think

2010
01:20:41,680 --> 01:20:43,200
Speaker 4: you need to go to the gym, is just lead

2011
01:20:43,240 --> 01:20:43,799
Speaker 4: by example.

2012
01:20:43,880 --> 01:20:45,400
Speaker 5: Hey, I'm going to the gym. Do you want to

2013
01:20:45,400 --> 01:20:47,320
Speaker 5: come with me? I think that that is just like

2014
01:20:47,320 --> 01:20:48,280
Speaker 5: a really powerful tool.

2015
01:20:48,439 --> 01:20:49,920
Speaker 4: The other thing that came to mind when you were

2016
01:20:49,920 --> 01:20:51,679
Speaker 4: saying this was so many of the things that we're

2017
01:20:51,680 --> 01:20:55,200
Speaker 4: talking about that you're talking about for friendships apply to relationships,

2018
01:20:55,640 --> 01:20:59,040
Speaker 4: Like no guy i've dated wants me to tell them

2019
01:20:59,360 --> 01:21:01,200
Speaker 4: I wish you have done this. I think you should

2020
01:21:01,240 --> 01:21:02,880
Speaker 4: be doing this the same way. Friends don't want to

2021
01:21:02,880 --> 01:21:05,640
Speaker 4: hear it. So it's really interesting reflecting on the similarities

2022
01:21:05,800 --> 01:21:06,559
Speaker 4: the question.

2023
01:21:07,240 --> 01:21:09,320
Speaker 2: And this is kind of off topic but not a

2024
01:21:09,320 --> 01:21:15,680
Speaker 2: little bit. So you're our married friend now again, friendships.

2025
01:21:15,680 --> 01:21:18,400
Speaker 2: I'm trying to understand. And I've never been married, I've

2026
01:21:18,439 --> 01:21:22,719
Speaker 2: never been engaged, and I just respect people's privacy. Now

2027
01:21:22,840 --> 01:21:26,120
Speaker 2: I have come across it's not so much an issue,

2028
01:21:26,160 --> 01:21:29,760
Speaker 2: just something that I've noticed. A friend of mine said

2029
01:21:29,760 --> 01:21:32,439
Speaker 2: to me, if you're gonna tell let's say, your friend

2030
01:21:32,560 --> 01:21:35,519
Speaker 2: something already, assume that their significant other is gonna know.

2031
01:21:36,360 --> 01:21:37,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, And there are.

2032
01:21:37,040 --> 01:21:41,920
Speaker 2: Times where I specifically say, like, could you please keep

2033
01:21:41,920 --> 01:21:45,040
Speaker 2: this between us because it's something so personal. And one

2034
01:21:45,080 --> 01:21:46,840
Speaker 2: of my friend's husbands got mad and said, can you

2035
01:21:46,840 --> 01:21:48,719
Speaker 2: stop telling my wife to not tell me things about

2036
01:21:48,760 --> 01:21:52,519
Speaker 2: like but this is about me. Why does she have

2037
01:21:52,560 --> 01:21:55,880
Speaker 2: to share my business like that? And so I don't know.

2038
01:21:56,000 --> 01:21:59,000
Speaker 2: And again I'm not married. I could change my mind

2039
01:21:59,360 --> 01:22:01,760
Speaker 2: when I am, if I ever get married, but like.

2040
01:22:02,600 --> 01:22:05,040
Speaker 3: Can you talk to me for us about that?

2041
01:22:05,200 --> 01:22:08,559
Speaker 2: Because I feel like, you know, I understand you're married

2042
01:22:08,600 --> 01:22:10,160
Speaker 2: and stuff, but like, when I talk to you, I'm

2043
01:22:10,160 --> 01:22:11,840
Speaker 2: talking to you, and if something, if it's something I

2044
01:22:11,840 --> 01:22:13,320
Speaker 2: want to share with Jay, I'll tell JA.

2045
01:22:14,040 --> 01:22:16,679
Speaker 1: So we had made it a point from very early

2046
01:22:16,680 --> 01:22:19,160
Speaker 1: on in our relationship because he gets a lot of

2047
01:22:19,360 --> 01:22:22,800
Speaker 1: people coming to him about things, and if we spoke

2048
01:22:22,840 --> 01:22:25,880
Speaker 1: about everything other people spoke about spoke about to us,

2049
01:22:26,200 --> 01:22:28,760
Speaker 1: we would never have conversation about anything else. And so

2050
01:22:28,960 --> 01:22:32,120
Speaker 1: we decided from a very early point enough before we

2051
01:22:32,120 --> 01:22:34,840
Speaker 1: were in married, that we will only tell each other

2052
01:22:35,040 --> 01:22:38,439
Speaker 1: things that people tell us if it relates to us

2053
01:22:38,479 --> 01:22:40,720
Speaker 1: in any way, if there is a reason for us

2054
01:22:40,720 --> 01:22:43,599
Speaker 1: to be telling them, because otherwise there's not. Otherwise it's

2055
01:22:43,600 --> 01:22:46,240
Speaker 1: just dis gossiping. And like, if a relationship is based

2056
01:22:46,240 --> 01:22:50,080
Speaker 1: on gossip, friendship or relationship, it's just there is there's

2057
01:22:50,120 --> 01:22:52,479
Speaker 1: no funct there's not a foundation to build on. And

2058
01:22:52,520 --> 01:22:56,160
Speaker 1: so for us, it was if it's important to our relationship,

2059
01:22:56,240 --> 01:22:58,920
Speaker 1: if it affects our relationship, or if it's something that's

2060
01:22:58,920 --> 01:23:02,000
Speaker 1: going to affect you, then we will share it. So

2061
01:23:02,080 --> 01:23:04,559
Speaker 1: I would say ninety nine percent of the time we

2062
01:23:04,720 --> 01:23:06,880
Speaker 1: do never talk about what other people have told us.

2063
01:23:07,160 --> 01:23:08,280
Speaker 5: I've witnessed it with you.

2064
01:23:08,400 --> 01:23:10,680
Speaker 4: I remember sitting with you and Jay at dinner and

2065
01:23:10,680 --> 01:23:12,320
Speaker 4: being like, Okay, well, Jay, you already know this because

2066
01:23:12,320 --> 01:23:15,559
Speaker 4: I'm sure Raley told you and he literally had no idea.

2067
01:23:15,680 --> 01:23:18,080
Speaker 5: Yeah, And it was really really.

2068
01:23:17,920 --> 01:23:20,000
Speaker 4: Powerful for me to hear that and recognize that those

2069
01:23:20,000 --> 01:23:23,320
Speaker 4: boundaries can't exist between friendships and their partners. Yeah, I

2070
01:23:23,360 --> 01:23:26,000
Speaker 4: have other friends too, and obviously you guys are really

2071
01:23:26,040 --> 01:23:28,960
Speaker 4: the people that people come to to confide in and

2072
01:23:29,000 --> 01:23:29,880
Speaker 4: get advice from.

2073
01:23:30,479 --> 01:23:32,880
Speaker 5: But even my friends outside of these two.

2074
01:23:32,640 --> 01:23:36,400
Speaker 4: Who I just thought that was really really it was

2075
01:23:36,479 --> 01:23:38,240
Speaker 4: just interesting to see, and I do want to be

2076
01:23:38,320 --> 01:23:41,360
Speaker 4: that person that you can have that separate boundary between

2077
01:23:41,360 --> 01:23:41,679
Speaker 4: the two.

2078
01:23:41,800 --> 01:23:44,559
Speaker 1: Well, yeah, I also think with you know, another thing

2079
01:23:44,600 --> 01:23:47,439
Speaker 1: for me with friendships has been if I know I'm

2080
01:23:47,479 --> 01:23:50,479
Speaker 1: spending most of my time with friends talking about other

2081
01:23:50,520 --> 01:23:54,040
Speaker 1: people or gossiping about them, I know, well, one there's

2082
01:23:54,200 --> 01:23:57,320
Speaker 1: a very big chance that whatever, if there's someone that's

2083
01:23:57,320 --> 01:23:59,439
Speaker 1: gossiping with you, that gossiping about you in some way,

2084
01:23:59,520 --> 01:24:02,360
Speaker 1: they feel that once you've broken that barrier of talking

2085
01:24:02,439 --> 01:24:05,760
Speaker 1: about people, you end up having that with You end

2086
01:24:05,840 --> 01:24:08,599
Speaker 1: up making that an easier thing to do about people

2087
01:24:08,680 --> 01:24:11,280
Speaker 1: that you are even close to. And so I think

2088
01:24:11,280 --> 01:24:13,400
Speaker 1: that's the same in relationships, where actually, if I think

2089
01:24:13,400 --> 01:24:14,960
Speaker 1: about it, I didn't even talk about my relationship to

2090
01:24:15,000 --> 01:24:17,880
Speaker 1: other people, and I think I've just gotten so you said,

2091
01:24:17,920 --> 01:24:19,519
Speaker 1: Especially when I was living in New York and I

2092
01:24:19,520 --> 01:24:21,920
Speaker 1: didn't really have people to talk to, I started really

2093
01:24:21,920 --> 01:24:24,320
Speaker 1: figuring out how I can process things myself, and if

2094
01:24:24,360 --> 01:24:26,840
Speaker 1: I can't, then I'll take it to people that I'm

2095
01:24:26,840 --> 01:24:29,160
Speaker 1: close to, depending on who it makes sense to talk to.

2096
01:24:29,680 --> 01:24:32,120
Speaker 1: But I would say just generally whether it's in it,

2097
01:24:32,200 --> 01:24:33,720
Speaker 1: and people seem to think that when it's in a

2098
01:24:33,760 --> 01:24:36,479
Speaker 1: relationship it makes it okay that when we're talking about

2099
01:24:36,520 --> 01:24:39,720
Speaker 1: other people within our relationship, it kind of like it

2100
01:24:39,720 --> 01:24:42,599
Speaker 1: doesn't exist, like it's not as bad as if I

2101
01:24:42,640 --> 01:24:44,720
Speaker 1: was telling you about it or you about it, But

2102
01:24:44,840 --> 01:24:49,080
Speaker 1: actually it is because you're just breeding that energy of

2103
01:24:49,520 --> 01:24:53,519
Speaker 1: discussing other people. And usually we discuss other people when

2104
01:24:53,560 --> 01:24:56,000
Speaker 1: you want to avoid trying to build a relationship yourself,

2105
01:24:56,040 --> 01:24:59,040
Speaker 1: if your foundation is that. That's the same with friendship, right.

2106
01:24:58,920 --> 01:25:00,920
Speaker 2: I feel like it's a form of gossiping your right,

2107
01:25:01,000 --> 01:25:03,640
Speaker 2: it really is. There's so many people that feel differently,

2108
01:25:03,800 --> 01:25:05,280
Speaker 2: and I'm like, okay.

2109
01:25:05,080 --> 01:25:06,920
Speaker 1: But like, what is it. Let's say my friend told

2110
01:25:06,920 --> 01:25:08,200
Speaker 1: me they were going through a hard time with their

2111
01:25:08,240 --> 01:25:11,880
Speaker 1: boyfriend and told me really intimate things about their life,

2112
01:25:11,920 --> 01:25:15,840
Speaker 1: about how he treats her, whatever, what benefit would jay

2113
01:25:15,960 --> 01:25:18,599
Speaker 1: have or what benefit would you have? Or my friend

2114
01:25:18,680 --> 01:25:22,040
Speaker 1: have to know for him to know about it, unless

2115
01:25:22,040 --> 01:25:23,680
Speaker 1: he's going to be helpful in that situation.

2116
01:25:23,920 --> 01:25:24,880
Speaker 3: That's how I feel.

2117
01:25:25,080 --> 01:25:27,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, what's the other side. I'm just curious.

2118
01:25:27,360 --> 01:25:27,800
Speaker 3: I don't know.

2119
01:25:27,840 --> 01:25:31,000
Speaker 2: That's all because I've been, you know, young, because I

2120
01:25:31,000 --> 01:25:33,640
Speaker 2: haven't seen the healthiest relationships growing up.

2121
01:25:33,760 --> 01:25:34,280
Speaker 3: I don't know.

2122
01:25:34,439 --> 01:25:36,680
Speaker 1: It's so we share everything. I think that's that mentality,

2123
01:25:36,800 --> 01:25:39,360
Speaker 1: Like we talk about everything, and I think there is

2124
01:25:39,400 --> 01:25:42,040
Speaker 1: talking about everything and sharing things that make sense to

2125
01:25:42,120 --> 01:25:44,720
Speaker 1: help you both. But there are lots of things that

2126
01:25:45,040 --> 01:25:47,240
Speaker 1: don't make sense and don't and I'm not judging them.

2127
01:25:47,280 --> 01:25:50,000
Speaker 1: I'm just saying from a fundamental point of your friendships

2128
01:25:50,080 --> 01:25:53,960
Speaker 1: or relationships, I don't think that's a healthy place to

2129
01:25:54,360 --> 01:25:57,479
Speaker 1: start from or build. Like every Saturday we're sitting together,

2130
01:25:57,520 --> 01:25:59,559
Speaker 1: we get our time together. But let me just tell

2131
01:25:59,560 --> 01:26:01,280
Speaker 1: you what my friend and let me tell you what

2132
01:26:01,360 --> 01:26:03,280
Speaker 1: happened with this person, and then, oh my gosh, you

2133
01:26:03,280 --> 01:26:03,800
Speaker 1: have no idea.

2134
01:26:03,800 --> 01:26:06,240
Speaker 5: I read this thing about that it feels really silly.

2135
01:26:06,040 --> 01:26:09,640
Speaker 1: Right read and even talking about like celebrities that you

2136
01:26:09,640 --> 01:26:11,439
Speaker 1: don't know. I find there's so many people who be like, oh,

2137
01:26:11,479 --> 01:26:14,400
Speaker 1: and guess what I guess I just read about I

2138
01:26:14,400 --> 01:26:15,960
Speaker 1: don't even know. I don't even name a celebrity, but

2139
01:26:15,960 --> 01:26:18,040
Speaker 1: guess who I heard what I heard about this person,

2140
01:26:18,120 --> 01:26:21,120
Speaker 1: It's like, okay, cool. There may be news and general knowledge,

2141
01:26:21,120 --> 01:26:23,360
Speaker 1: but it's a really like it's a lower form of

2142
01:26:23,400 --> 01:26:25,800
Speaker 1: conversation that actually doesn't elevate you in any way, and

2143
01:26:25,800 --> 01:26:27,680
Speaker 1: you can have banter. You know. There are plenty of

2144
01:26:27,720 --> 01:26:30,040
Speaker 1: times I've been upset about people and I've told you, like,

2145
01:26:30,160 --> 01:26:32,360
Speaker 1: I actually felt really uncomfortable in a room with this person,

2146
01:26:32,479 --> 01:26:35,160
Speaker 1: or this made me feel really upset when this person

2147
01:26:35,200 --> 01:26:37,519
Speaker 1: did this. But I think that was me trying to

2148
01:26:38,200 --> 01:26:41,799
Speaker 1: prevent emotion rather than make, rather than create a negative

2149
01:26:41,920 --> 01:26:45,599
Speaker 1: view for you of that person. And that was more

2150
01:26:45,640 --> 01:26:49,240
Speaker 1: me emotionally confiding in you versus me trying to bitch

2151
01:26:49,280 --> 01:26:52,479
Speaker 1: about them or be like negative about them.

2152
01:26:52,560 --> 01:26:54,760
Speaker 2: Right, I guess I'm wondering too, is it possible to

2153
01:26:54,840 --> 01:26:59,960
Speaker 2: have a friendship with someone you know separate from their

2154
01:27:00,200 --> 01:27:02,560
Speaker 2: spouse or is it just and I might have no

2155
01:27:02,640 --> 01:27:03,599
Speaker 2: problem with either one.

2156
01:27:03,640 --> 01:27:05,200
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm just trying to understand.

2157
01:27:06,280 --> 01:27:08,479
Speaker 1: I think there is but a great agreed. I also

2158
01:27:08,520 --> 01:27:10,640
Speaker 1: have friends who like to tell their partner everything, and

2159
01:27:10,680 --> 01:27:12,320
Speaker 1: I think I'm just aware of that now when I

2160
01:27:12,320 --> 01:27:13,760
Speaker 1: talk to them. There are lots of things I don't

2161
01:27:13,760 --> 01:27:16,040
Speaker 1: want their partner to know, and so I will tell someone.

2162
01:27:15,800 --> 01:27:17,080
Speaker 3: Else to changes your friendship.

2163
01:27:17,520 --> 01:27:20,880
Speaker 1: Well, yeah, it changes what you can go to them about. Okay, right,

2164
01:27:21,320 --> 01:27:22,960
Speaker 1: it changes what you can go to them about. If

2165
01:27:23,000 --> 01:27:25,439
Speaker 1: you if there's certain things you don't want the partner

2166
01:27:25,520 --> 01:27:28,120
Speaker 1: to know, you intimate things, then you know you're going

2167
01:27:28,160 --> 01:27:30,120
Speaker 1: to have to share that with someone else because you

2168
01:27:30,160 --> 01:27:32,680
Speaker 1: fundamentally already know you can't change how they how they

2169
01:27:32,800 --> 01:27:35,640
Speaker 1: communicate with their partners and if the partner has an

2170
01:27:35,680 --> 01:27:38,000
Speaker 1: issue with it, and that's a no go, you just

2171
01:27:38,080 --> 01:27:39,200
Speaker 1: can't interact with that.

2172
01:27:39,320 --> 01:27:41,400
Speaker 2: Yeah, there's a version that does change the friendship if

2173
01:27:41,439 --> 01:27:42,760
Speaker 2: it's they're that person that you.

2174
01:27:42,640 --> 01:27:45,080
Speaker 1: Need to usually for that, it's like, no, it'll changes

2175
01:27:45,080 --> 01:27:48,439
Speaker 1: the dynamic a little bit. But yeah, I think that's

2176
01:27:48,479 --> 01:27:50,519
Speaker 1: something you're not really in control of. You just have

2177
01:27:50,560 --> 01:27:53,719
Speaker 1: to know where you stand and then yeah.

2178
01:27:53,520 --> 01:27:55,880
Speaker 3: That's fine. I'm just curious because you.

2179
01:27:55,840 --> 01:27:57,599
Speaker 1: Know, No, I'm glad you asked that because I didn't

2180
01:27:57,600 --> 01:28:00,360
Speaker 1: really thought about that before. The next thing I wanted

2181
01:28:00,400 --> 01:28:03,639
Speaker 1: to talk about is, oh, I remember this one time deeps.

2182
01:28:03,680 --> 01:28:05,800
Speaker 1: I can't remember when it was, maybe like a year

2183
01:28:06,080 --> 01:28:08,200
Speaker 1: or maybe to know, maybe even during the pandemic. You

2184
01:28:08,240 --> 01:28:10,400
Speaker 1: had come to me and you said my friend told

2185
01:28:10,439 --> 01:28:12,439
Speaker 1: me that I am this type of person or that

2186
01:28:12,479 --> 01:28:15,080
Speaker 1: I don't do this enough for my friends, and it

2187
01:28:15,120 --> 01:28:17,720
Speaker 1: really made me want to change as a friend, like

2188
01:28:17,840 --> 01:28:19,640
Speaker 1: of what I want to be as a friend. And

2189
01:28:19,720 --> 01:28:23,000
Speaker 1: so one both of you, what has something that you've

2190
01:28:23,040 --> 01:28:25,639
Speaker 1: seen other people do in friendships or have you had

2191
01:28:25,840 --> 01:28:27,920
Speaker 1: that that has made you want to do that in yours?

2192
01:28:28,560 --> 01:28:30,720
Speaker 1: Or have you had to change who you are as

2193
01:28:30,760 --> 01:28:34,519
Speaker 1: a friend because yeah, because you've suddenly realized that maybe

2194
01:28:34,560 --> 01:28:36,439
Speaker 1: you need to step up your game as a friend

2195
01:28:36,520 --> 01:28:37,360
Speaker 1: in different areas.

2196
01:28:37,680 --> 01:28:39,760
Speaker 4: Yeah, no, And I think this was probably what you

2197
01:28:39,800 --> 01:28:41,760
Speaker 4: were talking what I was telling you, But I've had

2198
01:28:41,920 --> 01:28:46,400
Speaker 4: multiple friends tell me, but it didn't stick until a

2199
01:28:46,439 --> 01:28:49,280
Speaker 4: partner told me, which I'm not prouder yees, but a

2200
01:28:49,360 --> 01:28:55,080
Speaker 4: guy told me that when I ask a question, he'll

2201
01:28:55,080 --> 01:28:57,360
Speaker 4: be responding to that question. And in the middle of

2202
01:28:57,439 --> 01:28:59,679
Speaker 4: him responding to that question, because my brain has always

2203
01:28:59,760 --> 01:29:02,920
Speaker 4: raised thinking about forty five million things at once, mid

2204
01:29:03,120 --> 01:29:05,400
Speaker 4: him responding to that question, I'll pick up my phone

2205
01:29:05,400 --> 01:29:08,519
Speaker 4: and get on Slack and just start working. And then literally,

2206
01:29:08,560 --> 01:29:10,479
Speaker 4: I know it's ridiculous. When I hear that out loud,

2207
01:29:10,520 --> 01:29:13,680
Speaker 4: I'm like what And I am sitting here saying like,

2208
01:29:14,080 --> 01:29:16,440
Speaker 4: I love that I have friends that are amazing listeners

2209
01:29:16,520 --> 01:29:18,960
Speaker 4: that will like really hear me out. But then I

2210
01:29:19,000 --> 01:29:21,160
Speaker 4: don't find myself to be a good listener. And that's

2211
01:29:21,200 --> 01:29:23,599
Speaker 4: something professionally and personally you want to be. You want

2212
01:29:23,600 --> 01:29:26,479
Speaker 4: to be a good listener for your friends. I think

2213
01:29:26,520 --> 01:29:28,880
Speaker 4: that that's like a really poor quality of mind that

2214
01:29:28,920 --> 01:29:30,920
Speaker 4: I want to work on, right, Like, nobody wants to

2215
01:29:30,960 --> 01:29:32,760
Speaker 4: make their friends feel like they're not being listened to.

2216
01:29:32,880 --> 01:29:34,639
Speaker 4: And honestly, he said it in a way that really

2217
01:29:34,680 --> 01:29:38,320
Speaker 4: taught me, like it's about respect. Yeah, Like he literally

2218
01:29:38,360 --> 01:29:42,160
Speaker 4: even said, I don't mind that you're working right now,

2219
01:29:42,640 --> 01:29:44,320
Speaker 4: because it was a middle of a workday, right and

2220
01:29:44,360 --> 01:29:46,920
Speaker 4: we were driving and whatever. It was the fact that

2221
01:29:46,960 --> 01:29:49,000
Speaker 4: you literally asked a question in the middle of me

2222
01:29:49,120 --> 01:29:52,599
Speaker 4: responding to it, you just stopped listening. But I said

2223
01:29:52,600 --> 01:29:54,679
Speaker 4: this to one of my friends afterwards, saying like, Wow,

2224
01:29:54,680 --> 01:29:56,639
Speaker 4: this really taught me I want to be a better listener.

2225
01:29:57,080 --> 01:29:58,760
Speaker 4: And one of my guy friends was like, oh, yeah,

2226
01:29:58,800 --> 01:30:00,200
Speaker 4: you do this all the time. I've kind of just

2227
01:30:00,200 --> 01:30:02,599
Speaker 4: like accepted that about you because we know that you're

2228
01:30:02,680 --> 01:30:05,840
Speaker 4: hustling and grinding and working really hard. But like, as

2229
01:30:05,880 --> 01:30:08,320
Speaker 4: a human being I don't care how busy I am.

2230
01:30:08,600 --> 01:30:10,920
Speaker 4: I'd rather just not be spending time with that friend

2231
01:30:11,000 --> 01:30:13,599
Speaker 4: or that significant other than Like that was my lesson learned.

2232
01:30:13,880 --> 01:30:16,920
Speaker 4: Don't even spend time. And I think you talk about

2233
01:30:16,920 --> 01:30:18,759
Speaker 4: this too. It's about the quality time, not the amount

2234
01:30:18,800 --> 01:30:19,080
Speaker 4: of time.

2235
01:30:19,160 --> 01:30:19,479
Speaker 1: Yeah.

2236
01:30:19,520 --> 01:30:21,320
Speaker 4: So like when I am there, if I am sitting

2237
01:30:21,360 --> 01:30:23,320
Speaker 4: here with you, be present in that moment and actually

2238
01:30:23,320 --> 01:30:23,799
Speaker 4: be there.

2239
01:30:23,640 --> 01:30:25,599
Speaker 1: And cut that meeting short to then do what you

2240
01:30:25,600 --> 01:30:26,000
Speaker 1: need to do.

2241
01:30:26,120 --> 01:30:27,760
Speaker 3: It's really hard. It's really hard.

2242
01:30:27,800 --> 01:30:29,880
Speaker 4: Being present is the thing that I'm working on more

2243
01:30:29,920 --> 01:30:31,760
Speaker 4: than anything, because I think it makes you a better

2244
01:30:31,760 --> 01:30:34,040
Speaker 4: friend and a better human being and for yourself and

2245
01:30:34,080 --> 01:30:37,639
Speaker 4: for the people around you. But yeah, I'm not proud

2246
01:30:37,680 --> 01:30:39,320
Speaker 4: to say it, but like I want to be a

2247
01:30:39,320 --> 01:30:39,880
Speaker 4: better listener.

2248
01:30:39,960 --> 01:30:42,720
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I love that you even had the It

2249
01:30:42,800 --> 01:30:46,639
Speaker 1: takes a lot of swallowing your ego to one take

2250
01:30:46,680 --> 01:30:49,880
Speaker 1: that feedback on board, and two to even feel comfortable

2251
01:30:49,920 --> 01:30:51,880
Speaker 1: being like this person just said this to me and

2252
01:30:51,920 --> 01:30:53,840
Speaker 1: I think they might be right. Like, all of that

2253
01:30:53,880 --> 01:30:57,320
Speaker 1: takes so much. It takes you to want to be

2254
01:30:57,320 --> 01:30:59,519
Speaker 1: a better person to be accepting of that. Because a

2255
01:30:59,520 --> 01:31:01,599
Speaker 1: lot of the time we can get feedback, especially from

2256
01:31:01,600 --> 01:31:03,840
Speaker 1: our partners where our ego just comes up and you

2257
01:31:03,840 --> 01:31:05,559
Speaker 1: you just don't want them to be right about that

2258
01:31:05,600 --> 01:31:07,200
Speaker 1: because you don't want to be seen to be a

2259
01:31:07,240 --> 01:31:09,479
Speaker 1: bad person, will have negative traits.

2260
01:31:09,680 --> 01:31:11,120
Speaker 5: But but what do you say to this?

2261
01:31:11,240 --> 01:31:15,360
Speaker 4: Because I absolutely when somebody gives me feedback, I immediately

2262
01:31:15,479 --> 01:31:18,840
Speaker 4: I have no ego. No, so I don't have any

2263
01:31:18,880 --> 01:31:22,960
Speaker 4: ego about it. I'm very much like, oh wow, yeah great,

2264
01:31:23,040 --> 01:31:25,760
Speaker 4: let me fix this. And what someone told me was

2265
01:31:25,760 --> 01:31:28,480
Speaker 4: that that's a very female thing to do to immediately

2266
01:31:28,560 --> 01:31:31,879
Speaker 4: want to fix it and solve it and just accept

2267
01:31:31,880 --> 01:31:34,679
Speaker 4: that I did this, rather than even taking a step

2268
01:31:34,680 --> 01:31:36,519
Speaker 4: back and saying, is there some truth on the other

2269
01:31:36,600 --> 01:31:40,120
Speaker 4: side that makes that other person insecure? Not this specific example,

2270
01:31:40,160 --> 01:31:43,000
Speaker 4: but I find myself anytime I get feedback from friends

2271
01:31:43,080 --> 01:31:46,120
Speaker 4: or people I work with, I immediately am like, yeah,

2272
01:31:46,120 --> 01:31:47,840
Speaker 4: you're right, I need to work on that. I'll get better,

2273
01:31:47,920 --> 01:31:50,160
Speaker 4: because I think that's the control person in me. That's

2274
01:31:50,160 --> 01:31:52,640
Speaker 4: like I have control of fixing myself. So I'm just

2275
01:31:52,640 --> 01:31:54,120
Speaker 4: going to work on it and make it better because

2276
01:31:54,120 --> 01:31:56,840
Speaker 4: that solves the problem, rather than like even taking a

2277
01:31:56,880 --> 01:32:00,000
Speaker 4: second to reflect outside of that and say, yeah, maybe

2278
01:32:00,160 --> 01:32:01,960
Speaker 4: there is some truth to the fact that I need

2279
01:32:01,960 --> 01:32:04,639
Speaker 4: to work on this. However, let's take a step back

2280
01:32:04,640 --> 01:32:07,719
Speaker 4: and see if that person is projecting something. Yeah, and

2281
01:32:07,760 --> 01:32:09,760
Speaker 4: not the example about listening, but there's just been things

2282
01:32:09,800 --> 01:32:12,040
Speaker 4: in my life. So I'm curious if you think, like literally,

2283
01:32:12,280 --> 01:32:15,240
Speaker 4: somebody said to me that it's a female characteristic to

2284
01:32:15,320 --> 01:32:18,280
Speaker 4: immediately take the blame on something rather than just like

2285
01:32:18,360 --> 01:32:21,720
Speaker 4: potentially taking a step back and saying there could be

2286
01:32:21,760 --> 01:32:23,400
Speaker 4: some truth to it, but there could also not be.

2287
01:32:23,720 --> 01:32:26,040
Speaker 1: I think it's such a beautiful quality that you have.

2288
01:32:26,320 --> 01:32:28,720
Speaker 1: But at the same time, I think it's taking on

2289
01:32:29,560 --> 01:32:32,760
Speaker 1: when someone tells you something, Who is the person telling you?

2290
01:32:32,800 --> 01:32:34,720
Speaker 1: How much do you trust in? How much they know you?

2291
01:32:36,000 --> 01:32:38,680
Speaker 1: How what is the situation they're talking about. Like if

2292
01:32:38,680 --> 01:32:40,760
Speaker 1: someone's telling you at work, you're not listening to me,

2293
01:32:41,000 --> 01:32:44,400
Speaker 1: I'd say, well, I like there's a time and place

2294
01:32:44,400 --> 01:32:46,000
Speaker 1: for them to be coming to talk to you, So

2295
01:32:46,160 --> 01:32:48,040
Speaker 1: are they coming to you at the right times for

2296
01:32:48,080 --> 01:32:50,680
Speaker 1: you to be able to be a good listener. But

2297
01:32:50,840 --> 01:32:53,200
Speaker 1: I think fundamentally, I think it's an amazing quality, Like

2298
01:32:53,240 --> 01:32:55,120
Speaker 1: it's something I wish I had where I don't have

2299
01:32:55,240 --> 01:32:58,240
Speaker 1: ego come up when people give me feedback. But I

2300
01:32:58,280 --> 01:33:00,880
Speaker 1: think it's time, place circumstances like and how well does

2301
01:33:00,920 --> 01:33:04,160
Speaker 1: this person know me? And what are they in? What

2302
01:33:04,320 --> 01:33:06,160
Speaker 1: scenario are they telling me? Because if someone says to

2303
01:33:06,160 --> 01:33:07,759
Speaker 1: you in a work scenario you're not a good listener,

2304
01:33:08,000 --> 01:33:09,880
Speaker 1: that doesn't mean that you're not a good listener. Or

2305
01:33:09,880 --> 01:33:11,880
Speaker 1: if someone says that to you and your partnership, that

2306
01:33:11,880 --> 01:33:13,680
Speaker 1: doesn't mean you're not a good listener at work. And

2307
01:33:13,720 --> 01:33:16,439
Speaker 1: so I think you have to play it according to

2308
01:33:16,560 --> 01:33:19,439
Speaker 1: who the person is and what they're basing it off.

2309
01:33:19,560 --> 01:33:21,559
Speaker 1: And then I think that time in between is exactly

2310
01:33:21,560 --> 01:33:25,160
Speaker 1: what you need to reflect on. Okay, this has this

2311
01:33:25,200 --> 01:33:27,000
Speaker 1: amount of truth to it, But at the same time,

2312
01:33:27,040 --> 01:33:29,160
Speaker 1: I am busy and I do have a lot going on,

2313
01:33:29,200 --> 01:33:30,879
Speaker 1: and so maybe that means I just need to organize

2314
01:33:30,880 --> 01:33:33,400
Speaker 1: my time better. It's not a reflection of me just

2315
01:33:33,439 --> 01:33:34,439
Speaker 1: not being a good listener.

2316
01:33:34,680 --> 01:33:37,120
Speaker 4: Yeah, Because again I had somebody say to me, like,

2317
01:33:37,120 --> 01:33:39,120
Speaker 4: in the middle of a work day, just talk to

2318
01:33:39,160 --> 01:33:40,800
Speaker 4: me for like five minutes. And I was like, wait, what,

2319
01:33:40,840 --> 01:33:42,639
Speaker 4: it's the middle of a work day, Like I can't

2320
01:33:42,680 --> 01:33:44,040
Speaker 4: just call you in the middle of the day to

2321
01:33:44,080 --> 01:33:46,519
Speaker 4: talk on the phone. But that was just fundamentally a

2322
01:33:46,560 --> 01:33:48,920
Speaker 4: difference that we had and I realized because I know

2323
01:33:49,040 --> 01:33:51,680
Speaker 4: I can't be fully attentive to the conversation, so I'd

2324
01:33:51,760 --> 01:33:52,200
Speaker 4: rather just.

2325
01:33:52,160 --> 01:33:52,600
Speaker 3: Not have it.

2326
01:33:52,760 --> 01:33:54,680
Speaker 5: Yeah, so it's just interesting.

2327
01:33:54,240 --> 01:33:56,800
Speaker 4: How I don't know, but being a listener, I guess

2328
01:33:56,840 --> 01:33:57,679
Speaker 4: is my summary ANTEA.

2329
01:33:57,720 --> 01:33:59,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, what's yours?

2330
01:33:59,439 --> 01:34:01,680
Speaker 3: Oh my god? I mean I've definitely had a.

2331
01:34:01,640 --> 01:34:04,520
Speaker 1: Lot your top one right now that you're working.

2332
01:34:04,280 --> 01:34:07,240
Speaker 2: On well with feedback, I tend to shut down, so

2333
01:34:07,280 --> 01:34:08,960
Speaker 2: I'm trying to be better about not doing that. But

2334
01:34:08,960 --> 01:34:11,320
Speaker 2: I guess also just accountability. I was very good at

2335
01:34:11,320 --> 01:34:17,160
Speaker 2: pointing fingers rather than owning up to my shortcomings, and

2336
01:34:17,240 --> 01:34:18,960
Speaker 2: I feel like I almost do it too much now

2337
01:34:19,000 --> 01:34:21,559
Speaker 2: where I blame myself too much that I really need

2338
01:34:21,600 --> 01:34:25,559
Speaker 2: to find a balance because I still shut down. But

2339
01:34:25,840 --> 01:34:28,040
Speaker 2: I feel like I'm definitely learned to be a better friend,

2340
01:34:29,720 --> 01:34:33,800
Speaker 2: and I've been better at accepting good friends and just

2341
01:34:33,840 --> 01:34:35,000
Speaker 2: meeting people where they're at.

2342
01:34:35,040 --> 01:34:37,920
Speaker 3: But yeah, I need to stop being so hard on myself.

2343
01:34:38,040 --> 01:34:40,160
Speaker 1: I think you think it's a Leo tray. I think

2344
01:34:40,200 --> 01:34:44,480
Speaker 1: it's a Leo tray probably, well, no, the defensing su Yeah.

2345
01:34:44,479 --> 01:34:45,479
Speaker 3: That's probably the real thing.

2346
01:34:45,560 --> 01:34:47,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, because I'm like you two, where I need a

2347
01:34:47,120 --> 01:34:49,559
Speaker 2: second before I have a conversation because I.

2348
01:34:49,520 --> 01:34:54,200
Speaker 1: Definitely need that. Yeah, mine's obviously communication seeing as that's

2349
01:34:54,240 --> 01:34:56,120
Speaker 1: what both my friends here are telling me. No, I

2350
01:34:56,120 --> 01:34:58,639
Speaker 1: have also done. I've definitely wanted to do communication better.

2351
01:34:58,680 --> 01:35:01,040
Speaker 1: I think I have a really bad habit of like,

2352
01:35:01,240 --> 01:35:03,360
Speaker 1: for example, if someone says me a voice no, if

2353
01:35:03,400 --> 01:35:05,439
Speaker 1: I'm doing something in the middle of something, I will

2354
01:35:05,680 --> 01:35:07,559
Speaker 1: think I will get back to them when I get

2355
01:35:07,560 --> 01:35:09,599
Speaker 1: into bed and I'm like, got time, and then I

2356
01:35:09,720 --> 01:35:12,040
Speaker 1: just completely forget. But what I've realized is that's also

2357
01:35:12,120 --> 01:35:14,519
Speaker 1: non excuse. So now I'm starting to like if I

2358
01:35:14,560 --> 01:35:16,320
Speaker 1: do do that, I write on my note section of

2359
01:35:16,360 --> 01:35:18,120
Speaker 1: like people I need to get back to, or like

2360
01:35:18,320 --> 01:35:21,040
Speaker 1: reminders or you can do stuff on like your messages

2361
01:35:21,080 --> 01:35:22,880
Speaker 1: to bring them to the top. Just trying to like

2362
01:35:22,880 --> 01:35:25,960
Speaker 1: figure out ways to become a better communicator, because I

2363
01:35:26,000 --> 01:35:27,280
Speaker 1: do want to be there for you. If you message

2364
01:35:27,320 --> 01:35:28,760
Speaker 1: me and you send me a message about something that

2365
01:35:28,800 --> 01:35:30,600
Speaker 1: you're going through. It's never that I don't want to

2366
01:35:30,640 --> 01:35:33,880
Speaker 1: be there for you. It is my lack of again

2367
01:35:33,960 --> 01:35:37,599
Speaker 1: attentiveness or like being present or me being so scattered

2368
01:35:37,600 --> 01:35:39,760
Speaker 1: in my mind that prevents me from doing what I

2369
01:35:39,800 --> 01:35:43,679
Speaker 1: actually want to do. So for me, it's communication, being

2370
01:35:43,720 --> 01:35:48,400
Speaker 1: better at responding, checking in with people, and yeah, like

2371
01:35:48,720 --> 01:35:51,559
Speaker 1: piace knowing that like we're not no, but but for

2372
01:35:51,680 --> 01:35:54,720
Speaker 1: me as we're no, I know you're not.

2373
01:35:55,160 --> 01:35:56,599
Speaker 4: And I think it's probably it probably goes a step

2374
01:35:56,640 --> 01:35:58,920
Speaker 4: further of like over committing yourself and having so much

2375
01:35:58,920 --> 01:36:01,559
Speaker 4: on your plate. Then when the day happens, it's so

2376
01:36:01,640 --> 01:36:03,400
Speaker 4: hard to get back to everything because we're human.

2377
01:36:03,520 --> 01:36:04,479
Speaker 3: Yeah, the amount of texts.

2378
01:36:04,520 --> 01:36:06,559
Speaker 2: I also sam being like so sorry, I'm getting back

2379
01:36:06,560 --> 01:36:07,920
Speaker 2: to you like blah blah blah, And I want to

2380
01:36:07,960 --> 01:36:09,120
Speaker 2: be better about not having.

2381
01:36:08,880 --> 01:36:09,320
Speaker 3: To do that.

2382
01:36:09,400 --> 01:36:11,439
Speaker 2: Like if my friends know me and I get back

2383
01:36:11,479 --> 01:36:13,880
Speaker 2: to you, I agree with that, then yeah I got

2384
01:36:13,920 --> 01:36:15,000
Speaker 2: back to you, but I don't want to have to

2385
01:36:15,040 --> 01:36:16,439
Speaker 2: explain why I was busy.

2386
01:36:16,520 --> 01:36:18,880
Speaker 5: Yeah yeah, yeah, Okay, how do you know this is random?

2387
01:36:19,240 --> 01:36:21,439
Speaker 4: When someone said text you happy birthday and you know

2388
01:36:21,479 --> 01:36:22,520
Speaker 4: it's your birthday.

2389
01:36:22,200 --> 01:36:24,599
Speaker 5: And you get a million a million? Can the rule

2390
01:36:24,640 --> 01:36:26,960
Speaker 5: be that, like, are you expected to respond to every

2391
01:36:26,960 --> 01:36:28,000
Speaker 5: single happy birthday text?

2392
01:36:28,040 --> 01:36:29,920
Speaker 1: I said it if it's like above a certain amount

2393
01:36:29,920 --> 01:36:32,519
Speaker 1: of lines, then I'll be like, yeah, okay, I'll respond

2394
01:36:32,560 --> 01:36:34,800
Speaker 1: to that. Past it's like if it's just a happy birthday.

2395
01:36:35,040 --> 01:36:37,960
Speaker 1: Sometimes I don't There are people yeah, yeah.

2396
01:36:37,840 --> 01:36:39,360
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think I either just harded and I'm not

2397
01:36:39,400 --> 01:36:41,720
Speaker 3: going to respond on my birthday. I'll probably take yeah,

2398
01:36:41,720 --> 01:36:42,479
Speaker 3: a week to respond.

2399
01:36:42,640 --> 01:36:45,599
Speaker 2: Sometimes I'll put up a post like thank you to everybody.

2400
01:36:45,600 --> 01:36:47,920
Speaker 2: Then there are some people that write like such sweet messages,

2401
01:36:48,000 --> 01:36:50,439
Speaker 2: and I feel bad when it's a week later. But again,

2402
01:36:50,520 --> 01:36:53,679
Speaker 2: if you know me and I respond, yes, it's because

2403
01:36:54,080 --> 01:36:55,759
Speaker 2: I was busy, but I took the time to respond,

2404
01:36:55,760 --> 01:36:57,120
Speaker 2: So please don't make me explain myself.

2405
01:36:57,240 --> 01:36:58,960
Speaker 1: Yes, and don't feel bad like I always think we've

2406
01:36:58,960 --> 01:37:01,559
Speaker 1: put such an in time limit to when things have

2407
01:37:01,640 --> 01:37:05,160
Speaker 1: to be just love la. It's just so sad though,

2408
01:37:05,200 --> 01:37:07,640
Speaker 1: because like, even if it says delivered, even if it

2409
01:37:07,680 --> 01:37:10,120
Speaker 1: says seen or read, why do we get so upset

2410
01:37:10,160 --> 01:37:12,639
Speaker 1: and angry when someone doesn't respond within like five minutes

2411
01:37:12,720 --> 01:37:15,120
Speaker 1: or they're online and they don't respond. It's like we

2412
01:37:15,160 --> 01:37:16,880
Speaker 1: have you have to be okay with giving people the

2413
01:37:16,880 --> 01:37:19,040
Speaker 1: benefit of doubt. We have to send letters in the past, Okay,

2414
01:37:19,160 --> 01:37:21,360
Speaker 1: we had to send physical letters that took days and

2415
01:37:21,439 --> 01:37:22,320
Speaker 1: days to get to each other.

2416
01:37:22,360 --> 01:37:23,200
Speaker 3: Amount of times.

2417
01:37:23,280 --> 01:37:26,360
Speaker 2: I won't post on Instagram because I don't want people.

2418
01:37:26,160 --> 01:37:29,640
Speaker 3: People to know that way on my phone.

2419
01:37:30,000 --> 01:37:32,600
Speaker 1: It's so annoying like that, like I think we have

2420
01:37:32,800 --> 01:37:35,439
Speaker 1: I actually think that actually what I think everyone should

2421
01:37:35,439 --> 01:37:39,760
Speaker 1: do is slow down to my pace so that everyone yeah, no, no, no,

2422
01:37:39,800 --> 01:37:42,280
Speaker 1: but we should slow down with our communication because I

2423
01:37:42,320 --> 01:37:45,120
Speaker 1: think there's too much of an instant thing of I've

2424
01:37:45,200 --> 01:37:46,920
Speaker 1: sent this person, like if deep doesn't reply with it

2425
01:37:46,960 --> 01:37:48,719
Speaker 1: now and like, hey, did you get this? What happened,

2426
01:37:49,080 --> 01:37:52,360
Speaker 1: I'm like, relax, Like she's probably driving, or she's got

2427
01:37:52,400 --> 01:37:54,960
Speaker 1: this happening, or she's in the middle of a work meeting.

2428
01:37:55,000 --> 01:37:56,800
Speaker 1: It does not need to be even within an hour,

2429
01:37:56,920 --> 01:37:59,240
Speaker 1: even within three days, Okay, And this is something that's

2430
01:37:59,439 --> 01:38:02,439
Speaker 1: you need a response to straight away. Give people a

2431
01:38:02,439 --> 01:38:04,479
Speaker 1: bit of breathing space to like take their time to

2432
01:38:04,479 --> 01:38:06,240
Speaker 1: get back to their phone. I think we expect everyone

2433
01:38:06,280 --> 01:38:08,599
Speaker 1: to be glued to their phone, and even if they are,

2434
01:38:08,640 --> 01:38:10,240
Speaker 1: maybe that's just not the biggest priority.

2435
01:38:10,360 --> 01:38:10,920
Speaker 3: And that's the thing.

2436
01:38:10,960 --> 01:38:12,719
Speaker 2: It's like I know who's glued, and I know who's

2437
01:38:12,720 --> 01:38:14,360
Speaker 2: now like, yeah, take offense.

2438
01:38:14,400 --> 01:38:15,960
Speaker 3: But I tend to be glued to my phone.

2439
01:38:16,040 --> 01:38:18,280
Speaker 2: I just sometimes have an under not disturb which is

2440
01:38:18,280 --> 01:38:19,320
Speaker 2: the best thing in the world.

2441
01:38:19,479 --> 01:38:22,240
Speaker 1: Yes, or I just don't feel like talking exactly and

2442
01:38:22,280 --> 01:38:24,800
Speaker 1: that's a valid reason. You don't need that is such

2443
01:38:24,800 --> 01:38:27,160
Speaker 1: a valid reason. And sometimes even like if you've messaged me,

2444
01:38:27,160 --> 01:38:28,519
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, I really want to put thought into this,

2445
01:38:28,640 --> 01:38:30,160
Speaker 1: or I need to write along a message back. I

2446
01:38:30,160 --> 01:38:31,720
Speaker 1: don't have energy for that right now. I'm going to

2447
01:38:31,720 --> 01:38:32,240
Speaker 1: do it after.

2448
01:38:33,080 --> 01:38:34,800
Speaker 3: I hate when people hit it with the question mark.

2449
01:38:35,080 --> 01:38:40,000
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah, not that urgent question question question mark.

2450
01:38:40,760 --> 01:38:43,520
Speaker 5: That's so annoying. I'm never going to do that to you.

2451
01:38:43,520 --> 01:38:44,800
Speaker 1: I'm going to do that all the time.

2452
01:38:44,840 --> 01:38:48,800
Speaker 4: Do you know in our group chat probably I love

2453
01:38:48,880 --> 01:38:51,320
Speaker 4: voice notes because I love voice notes too.

2454
01:38:52,360 --> 01:38:55,519
Speaker 1: I like voice notes make me respond faster.

2455
01:38:55,680 --> 01:38:59,400
Speaker 2: Just that's why I like hearing the inflection behind your voice. Yeah,

2456
01:38:59,400 --> 01:39:01,320
Speaker 2: me too, telling the stories.

2457
01:39:01,560 --> 01:39:04,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, messages are such a like dead way of communicating.

2458
01:39:04,000 --> 01:39:05,880
Speaker 1: I was thinking about that the other day, Like we

2459
01:39:06,000 --> 01:39:07,760
Speaker 1: end up even with you. It's like, if I want

2460
01:39:07,760 --> 01:39:09,439
Speaker 1: to talk to you about something, I'm probably gonna call

2461
01:39:09,479 --> 01:39:11,240
Speaker 1: a message you even if we're in the same place.

2462
01:39:11,320 --> 01:39:13,000
Speaker 1: And like back in the day, you'd go over to

2463
01:39:13,040 --> 01:39:15,880
Speaker 1: your friend's house, you'd sit, you'd have eye contact, you'd communicate,

2464
01:39:15,880 --> 01:39:18,200
Speaker 1: you'd feel each other's energy, you'd be able to reciprocate,

2465
01:39:18,240 --> 01:39:21,080
Speaker 1: so differently, and I think we do kind of dead

2466
01:39:21,120 --> 01:39:24,120
Speaker 1: conversations a lot, or the depth that you can get

2467
01:39:24,120 --> 01:39:28,240
Speaker 1: to just by messages. I really hate communicating by a message.

2468
01:39:28,240 --> 01:39:30,120
Speaker 1: And if I am, I'm very sure. I always sometimes

2469
01:39:30,200 --> 01:39:33,600
Speaker 1: read back our conversations and I'm like, yep, no, and

2470
01:39:33,760 --> 01:39:36,439
Speaker 1: yeah it's very short, but that's not a reflection of

2471
01:39:37,160 --> 01:39:39,559
Speaker 1: how much love I'm actually feeling for her at the time.

2472
01:39:39,600 --> 01:39:41,760
Speaker 1: It's just like I'm not gonna I'm gonna do ten

2473
01:39:41,960 --> 01:39:43,120
Speaker 1: hot emojis to you.

2474
01:39:43,120 --> 01:39:45,280
Speaker 2: You know what bugs me? And like my ex boyfriend

2475
01:39:45,360 --> 01:39:47,400
Speaker 2: got so mad at mea for this. He would call

2476
01:39:47,439 --> 01:39:50,400
Speaker 2: me when we live together. He would call me before

2477
01:39:50,439 --> 01:39:53,200
Speaker 2: we were about to see each other and he wanted

2478
01:39:53,240 --> 01:39:57,240
Speaker 2: to hear about my day. And I'm like, I'm about

2479
01:39:57,240 --> 01:39:59,840
Speaker 2: to see you. Can we talk about this or like

2480
01:40:00,080 --> 01:40:01,800
Speaker 2: be on the phone with my friends, and I'm like,

2481
01:40:01,960 --> 01:40:04,280
Speaker 2: we're doing yoga later, we can talk about this later.

2482
01:40:04,640 --> 01:40:06,840
Speaker 3: Well, I just want to hear about it. That's such

2483
01:40:06,880 --> 01:40:10,000
Speaker 3: a waste of time right now. I'm going to see

2484
01:40:10,040 --> 01:40:12,160
Speaker 3: you later or talk later.

2485
01:40:12,400 --> 01:40:14,800
Speaker 5: The same about that. Yeah, I feel the same, like.

2486
01:40:14,760 --> 01:40:16,720
Speaker 3: I don't want to Like time is money. I don't

2487
01:40:16,720 --> 01:40:18,160
Speaker 3: have time to talk about this. I'm going to see

2488
01:40:18,160 --> 01:40:20,639
Speaker 3: you later. We could talk about it later. Like, nah, look.

2489
01:40:20,400 --> 01:40:21,200
Speaker 5: At this CEO.

2490
01:40:21,479 --> 01:40:25,760
Speaker 1: I know sell the Queen, I get it.

2491
01:40:25,800 --> 01:40:26,960
Speaker 3: I mean, what did I hear that?

2492
01:40:27,720 --> 01:40:29,320
Speaker 2: I think Bill Gates or someone said at one time,

2493
01:40:29,320 --> 01:40:30,960
Speaker 2: like if a twenty dollars fall is on the floor

2494
01:40:31,160 --> 01:40:33,240
Speaker 2: and you stop to pick it up, you just wasted.

2495
01:40:33,600 --> 01:40:35,400
Speaker 2: You just lost one hundred thousand dollars, Like you got

2496
01:40:35,439 --> 01:40:37,519
Speaker 2: to keep going. You don't have time to pick up

2497
01:40:37,560 --> 01:40:38,200
Speaker 2: twenty dollars.

2498
01:40:38,600 --> 01:40:39,960
Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, you're like I felt that.

2499
01:40:40,800 --> 01:40:43,240
Speaker 4: I just feel like, it's so nice that because I

2500
01:40:43,800 --> 01:40:45,720
Speaker 4: would say, the first time I lived in LA and

2501
01:40:45,720 --> 01:40:47,320
Speaker 4: then the pandemic hap and I went to Texas and

2502
01:40:47,320 --> 01:40:50,920
Speaker 4: now I'm back, I'm way more open to new friendships,

2503
01:40:51,320 --> 01:40:53,160
Speaker 4: which I would have never thought I would say at

2504
01:40:53,160 --> 01:40:55,160
Speaker 4: the age of thirty three, going up thirty four this year,

2505
01:40:55,720 --> 01:40:59,320
Speaker 4: because I'm so like, I want fewer, better, stronger, deeper,

2506
01:40:59,439 --> 01:41:01,280
Speaker 4: meaningful relationships and friendships.

2507
01:41:01,800 --> 01:41:03,960
Speaker 5: But if I had said that, like, we wouldn't be

2508
01:41:04,000 --> 01:41:04,479
Speaker 5: this close.

2509
01:41:04,680 --> 01:41:06,040
Speaker 3: That's true, you know what I mean.

2510
01:41:06,120 --> 01:41:09,160
Speaker 4: So being open to new friendships is important even at

2511
01:41:09,200 --> 01:41:12,360
Speaker 4: this age and then in my forties too, because what

2512
01:41:12,439 --> 01:41:14,960
Speaker 4: I do realize is is like I also have friends

2513
01:41:15,000 --> 01:41:16,760
Speaker 4: from high school, but I have like a friend or too.

2514
01:41:16,800 --> 01:41:19,519
Speaker 4: It's like every chapter of my life, I've collected great people,

2515
01:41:19,960 --> 01:41:22,040
Speaker 4: but very few of them, and this is a new

2516
01:41:22,080 --> 01:41:23,760
Speaker 4: chapter of my life in LA. And I don't want

2517
01:41:23,760 --> 01:41:25,800
Speaker 4: to just say, oh it's La. I'm shutting down to

2518
01:41:25,880 --> 01:41:28,000
Speaker 4: like people in the industry, because then I.

2519
01:41:28,000 --> 01:41:28,800
Speaker 5: Would to meet you like.

2520
01:41:28,840 --> 01:41:30,680
Speaker 4: So I think it is just like even just a

2521
01:41:30,800 --> 01:41:34,200
Speaker 4: conversation is such a reminder that you can make new, real, meaningful,

2522
01:41:34,240 --> 01:41:35,120
Speaker 4: deep friendships.

2523
01:41:35,120 --> 01:41:38,599
Speaker 3: And every child, I just met your college banfast and yeah.

2524
01:41:38,600 --> 01:41:41,360
Speaker 4: It's connected so easy, and so I mean, yeah, it

2525
01:41:41,400 --> 01:41:42,400
Speaker 4: was all the Spanish talking.

2526
01:41:42,600 --> 01:41:45,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, I've no I love. I actually have noticed that too,

2527
01:41:45,960 --> 01:41:48,200
Speaker 1: because as my time has changed, and as I moved

2528
01:41:48,200 --> 01:41:51,200
Speaker 1: to different places, I've had to put myself out there

2529
01:41:51,240 --> 01:41:53,680
Speaker 1: to create friends, to like date girls and go out

2530
01:41:53,720 --> 01:41:55,080
Speaker 1: and try and figure out who I'm going to be

2531
01:41:55,080 --> 01:41:57,240
Speaker 1: friends with and build a community. I didn't have that

2532
01:41:57,280 --> 01:42:00,479
Speaker 1: in New York much, but I felt like I got

2533
01:42:00,479 --> 01:42:03,280
Speaker 1: more and more comfortable with what I had to offer

2534
01:42:03,320 --> 01:42:05,680
Speaker 1: other people. It made it so much easier to just

2535
01:42:05,760 --> 01:42:07,680
Speaker 1: put myself out there and make friends. So now I

2536
01:42:07,720 --> 01:42:09,720
Speaker 1: feel like I make it a new friend every single month.

2537
01:42:09,760 --> 01:42:12,680
Speaker 1: It's like every event that I have, every you do,

2538
01:42:12,920 --> 01:42:14,559
Speaker 1: I just end up bringing like you.

2539
01:42:14,479 --> 01:42:18,439
Speaker 3: Know this One night Rady hit me and she was like,

2540
01:42:18,600 --> 01:42:21,000
Speaker 3: I'm bar happy tonight. Y don't even drink? Could you know?

2541
01:42:21,160 --> 01:42:24,680
Speaker 1: My friend the weirdest going to tex My friend was

2542
01:42:24,680 --> 01:42:28,639
Speaker 1: going through a divorce and it was a really rough divorce,

2543
01:42:28,720 --> 01:42:30,800
Speaker 1: and she was like, I just need a night out.

2544
01:42:30,840 --> 01:42:31,920
Speaker 1: I was like, you know what, I'm going to make

2545
01:42:31,920 --> 01:42:33,840
Speaker 1: this the best night. I have no idea what I'm doing.

2546
01:42:34,080 --> 01:42:35,439
Speaker 1: I'm going to make this the best night. I've never

2547
01:42:35,439 --> 01:42:37,240
Speaker 1: been to any of the bars. She wanted to go out,

2548
01:42:37,280 --> 01:42:38,640
Speaker 1: so I was like, cool, we will go to this

2549
01:42:38,760 --> 01:42:41,799
Speaker 1: first place. We meet these girls who are just on holiday.

2550
01:42:41,840 --> 01:42:43,639
Speaker 1: I'm like, do you guys just want to hang out tonight?

2551
01:42:43,680 --> 01:42:46,160
Speaker 1: And just like yeah, have fun and they're like yeah.

2552
01:42:46,320 --> 01:42:48,360
Speaker 1: So then there's four of us. Then I call you

2553
01:42:48,439 --> 01:42:51,000
Speaker 1: and I'm like, listen, my friends. My friends just had

2554
01:42:51,040 --> 01:42:52,920
Speaker 1: a divorce. She needs a really good night. We're going

2555
01:42:52,960 --> 01:42:55,599
Speaker 1: from one place to another. Meet us there. She turns up.

2556
01:42:55,760 --> 01:42:57,120
Speaker 1: I then call a few of my other friends. I

2557
01:42:57,120 --> 01:42:57,920
Speaker 1: think I messaged you.

2558
01:42:58,640 --> 01:43:01,680
Speaker 4: I turned around and I had some other work thing

2559
01:43:01,720 --> 01:43:04,160
Speaker 4: and then I was like but Roddy's at a bar.

2560
01:43:05,400 --> 01:43:06,360
Speaker 2: I know the thing.

2561
01:43:06,360 --> 01:43:07,519
Speaker 3: It's like, she's at a bar.

2562
01:43:07,640 --> 01:43:09,760
Speaker 2: This I was gonna go to bed, Remember, I wasn't

2563
01:43:09,760 --> 01:43:11,040
Speaker 2: gonna go out, and I was like, but she's.

2564
01:43:10,920 --> 01:43:11,320
Speaker 3: At a bar.

2565
01:43:11,400 --> 01:43:13,240
Speaker 5: This is a suspectacle I need to see.

2566
01:43:13,360 --> 01:43:15,400
Speaker 3: Yeah, but it was so fun man, And that night

2567
01:43:15,520 --> 01:43:16,080
Speaker 3: I remember.

2568
01:43:16,160 --> 01:43:18,680
Speaker 2: It's so funny because that night, just so you guys know,

2569
01:43:18,760 --> 01:43:20,679
Speaker 2: there was a gentleman I had with me. But every

2570
01:43:20,680 --> 01:43:23,240
Speaker 2: time I talked to him about that night, he was like, yes,

2571
01:43:23,360 --> 01:43:24,639
Speaker 2: you and all your best friends.

2572
01:43:24,680 --> 01:43:25,839
Speaker 3: I'm like, I didn't know.

2573
01:43:25,640 --> 01:43:28,400
Speaker 2: Those girls a guy I only know yet, and they're

2574
01:43:28,439 --> 01:43:31,800
Speaker 2: like literally watching this man love Bobby, and I was

2575
01:43:31,880 --> 01:43:34,799
Speaker 2: like asking all of their opinions and they're so invested.

2576
01:43:34,920 --> 01:43:36,760
Speaker 3: And by the time the next day Roddy's like, I

2577
01:43:36,800 --> 01:43:37,479
Speaker 3: don't know any of them.

2578
01:43:37,520 --> 01:43:39,680
Speaker 2: I was like, they just were such a part of

2579
01:43:39,720 --> 01:43:41,040
Speaker 2: a personal part of my life.

2580
01:43:41,160 --> 01:43:43,720
Speaker 1: I love collecting people, not even in about not even

2581
01:43:43,960 --> 01:43:46,120
Speaker 1: the way that it sounds, but I just love I

2582
01:43:46,160 --> 01:43:48,040
Speaker 1: just love interacting with people now, I really do. I

2583
01:43:48,080 --> 01:43:50,680
Speaker 1: love having conversations with people. And it might last just

2584
01:43:50,680 --> 01:43:52,439
Speaker 1: for that night, which it did that day, or it

2585
01:43:52,520 --> 01:43:54,280
Speaker 1: might be something where I've met someone in a lyft

2586
01:43:54,439 --> 01:43:56,599
Speaker 1: and they've become one of my closest friends back in London,

2587
01:43:56,640 --> 01:43:59,000
Speaker 1: Like I've had those moments too, So I think now

2588
01:43:59,040 --> 01:44:01,880
Speaker 1: I'm just so much more open to the opportunity of

2589
01:44:02,160 --> 01:44:03,920
Speaker 1: we have plenty of space in our heart, we have

2590
01:44:04,000 --> 01:44:07,160
Speaker 1: plenty of space in our lives to create new relationships

2591
01:44:07,160 --> 01:44:09,519
Speaker 1: in different ways, and I'm just so like, I'm happy

2592
01:44:09,560 --> 01:44:10,439
Speaker 1: living my life that way.

2593
01:44:10,800 --> 01:44:12,439
Speaker 2: But you know what, I think it's easier for you

2594
01:44:12,479 --> 01:44:14,759
Speaker 2: guys too because you're not from la So as someone

2595
01:44:14,760 --> 01:44:17,680
Speaker 2: that grew up here, I mean, I'm now understanding and

2596
01:44:17,680 --> 01:44:21,320
Speaker 2: accepting of that of change and new seasons and friendships

2597
01:44:21,320 --> 01:44:21,639
Speaker 2: and stuff.

2598
01:44:21,640 --> 01:44:24,400
Speaker 3: But it was so hard, especially because.

2599
01:44:24,200 --> 01:44:27,200
Speaker 2: I haven't left, yeah, to go through that when certain

2600
01:44:27,320 --> 01:44:31,120
Speaker 2: when I grew apart from certain friends and gaining new

2601
01:44:31,160 --> 01:44:33,839
Speaker 2: ones and like, Okay, I have to do this again.

2602
01:44:34,000 --> 01:44:36,720
Speaker 4: And that's so hard for friendships, Like when you go

2603
01:44:36,840 --> 01:44:39,960
Speaker 4: in you're like very loyal and very there, and I

2604
01:44:39,960 --> 01:44:42,200
Speaker 4: think that that also makes it like that much harder

2605
01:44:42,240 --> 01:44:43,760
Speaker 4: if they the fallout happens.

2606
01:44:43,560 --> 01:44:45,720
Speaker 2: Yeah, especially if they're still in the same city. So

2607
01:44:45,760 --> 01:44:47,599
Speaker 2: many people got to get away.

2608
01:44:47,720 --> 01:44:49,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, I got away from London, so I was like

2609
01:44:49,200 --> 01:44:50,160
Speaker 1: whoever I'm leaving behind.

2610
01:44:50,200 --> 01:44:50,840
Speaker 3: I'm leaving behind.

2611
01:44:51,200 --> 01:44:52,760
Speaker 2: But you were more open to having friends, so I

2612
01:44:52,800 --> 01:44:55,840
Speaker 2: can't imagine people that you know still live where they

2613
01:44:55,840 --> 01:44:56,360
Speaker 2: grew up.

2614
01:44:56,439 --> 01:44:58,960
Speaker 3: Like inviting new friendships in is hard, and.

2615
01:44:58,960 --> 01:45:00,960
Speaker 1: The intention that, like what we were saying, like, you

2616
01:45:00,960 --> 01:45:02,920
Speaker 1: don't know sometimes what people are becoming friends with you for.

2617
01:45:02,960 --> 01:45:04,880
Speaker 1: And I used to have so many people. As life

2618
01:45:04,880 --> 01:45:07,719
Speaker 1: has changed and grown in different ways, the first question

2619
01:45:07,760 --> 01:45:09,800
Speaker 1: people would ask me when I create new friendships is like,

2620
01:45:09,840 --> 01:45:11,360
Speaker 1: are you sure they're friends with you for the right reason?

2621
01:45:11,439 --> 01:45:14,559
Speaker 1: Like yeah, And I you know, my mom said that

2622
01:45:14,600 --> 01:45:16,760
Speaker 1: to me throughout my life because I used to be

2623
01:45:16,760 --> 01:45:18,719
Speaker 1: that friend that just would want to plan their birthdays.

2624
01:45:18,720 --> 01:45:21,000
Speaker 1: We want to do just everything for my friend. And

2625
01:45:21,080 --> 01:45:23,040
Speaker 1: I realized I say this time, my mom, over and

2626
01:45:23,040 --> 01:45:24,800
Speaker 1: over again, because you asked me the same question every

2627
01:45:24,800 --> 01:45:27,240
Speaker 1: single time. And I'm like, whatever they're coming to me,

2628
01:45:27,360 --> 01:45:29,479
Speaker 1: whatever intention they're coming to me with as a friend,

2629
01:45:30,080 --> 01:45:32,800
Speaker 1: that if their intention is to get anything out of me,

2630
01:45:32,960 --> 01:45:35,679
Speaker 1: that's going to run out really fast because that friendship

2631
01:45:35,720 --> 01:45:37,840
Speaker 1: can only last for so long if it's based on that.

2632
01:45:38,080 --> 01:45:39,760
Speaker 1: But I know, if I'm going in just to have

2633
01:45:39,800 --> 01:45:42,800
Speaker 1: a good time to build a connection to not have

2634
01:45:42,880 --> 01:45:45,200
Speaker 1: it for face value, but be a real meaningful relationship.

2635
01:45:45,200 --> 01:45:47,200
Speaker 1: If they're not wanting that, and I'm giving them that,

2636
01:45:48,000 --> 01:45:49,800
Speaker 1: we're not going to be friends for very long. And

2637
01:45:49,880 --> 01:45:51,960
Speaker 1: so I'm like, let me go all in and if

2638
01:45:52,000 --> 01:45:56,000
Speaker 1: the other person is somehow changed through that interaction, then great.

2639
01:45:56,160 --> 01:45:57,479
Speaker 1: If they're not, it's going to be an in and

2640
01:45:57,479 --> 01:45:59,439
Speaker 1: out friendship. It's not going to last that long anyway.

2641
01:45:59,479 --> 01:46:02,360
Speaker 1: So yeah, I think the intention is what intention you're

2642
01:46:02,400 --> 01:46:04,840
Speaker 1: putting in, whatever intention they're putting in, you just have

2643
01:46:04,920 --> 01:46:06,840
Speaker 1: to you kind of end up finding out in the

2644
01:46:06,840 --> 01:46:07,719
Speaker 1: long run anyway.

2645
01:46:07,840 --> 01:46:10,680
Speaker 2: So and just for anyone listening, like, there is a

2646
01:46:10,760 --> 01:46:14,400
Speaker 2: difference between intentions when people are trying to offend you

2647
01:46:14,479 --> 01:46:17,719
Speaker 2: and then just someone who just wants to offer help

2648
01:46:17,880 --> 01:46:21,680
Speaker 2: as friends, Like we all, you know, have businesses that

2649
01:46:22,120 --> 01:46:25,000
Speaker 2: we all benefit from and we're so willing to help

2650
01:46:25,040 --> 01:46:27,360
Speaker 2: each other out. But there was no but we all

2651
01:46:27,400 --> 01:46:29,920
Speaker 2: know that wasn't the intention when our friendship started.

2652
01:46:29,960 --> 01:46:31,680
Speaker 3: So just to anyone listening, like.

2653
01:46:31,720 --> 01:46:33,559
Speaker 2: Don't ever you know, if you've been friends with someone

2654
01:46:33,600 --> 01:46:35,720
Speaker 2: for five years, it's okay to be like, hey, I

2655
01:46:35,760 --> 01:46:38,000
Speaker 2: started this venture, like can you help me out?

2656
01:46:38,080 --> 01:46:39,680
Speaker 3: Or can you advise me don't feel like, Oh, I

2657
01:46:39,680 --> 01:46:41,759
Speaker 3: don't want them to feel like I take that way.

2658
01:46:41,720 --> 01:46:43,320
Speaker 5: You know, And I think in the beginning, I mean,

2659
01:46:43,439 --> 01:46:45,080
Speaker 5: especially in this LA world.

2660
01:46:44,880 --> 01:46:48,400
Speaker 3: That well, that's what I'm saying. When it's too fast, Yeah, when.

2661
01:46:48,240 --> 01:46:49,920
Speaker 5: It's too thought hyper sensitive.

2662
01:46:49,920 --> 01:46:52,479
Speaker 4: When you were saying that earlier, like I remember we

2663
01:46:52,479 --> 01:46:54,439
Speaker 4: were voice noting back and forth in our early parts

2664
01:46:54,479 --> 01:46:55,679
Speaker 4: of our friendship and you.

2665
01:46:55,600 --> 01:46:57,959
Speaker 5: Were like, girl, send me some of your lift into products.

2666
01:46:57,960 --> 01:47:01,720
Speaker 4: And I would never have done that, yes, said that

2667
01:47:01,920 --> 01:47:04,679
Speaker 4: I would never have because we were too early in friendships.

2668
01:47:04,720 --> 01:47:07,200
Speaker 4: I never wanted you to think that the reason I

2669
01:47:07,240 --> 01:47:09,240
Speaker 4: was excited to like grow a friendship with you had

2670
01:47:09,360 --> 01:47:10,639
Speaker 4: anything to do with some.

2671
01:47:10,479 --> 01:47:11,120
Speaker 3: Sort of clout.

2672
01:47:11,479 --> 01:47:14,559
Speaker 4: I think it's like in this world of LA, I'm

2673
01:47:14,640 --> 01:47:16,720
Speaker 4: just super And even when you said about going up

2674
01:47:16,720 --> 01:47:18,320
Speaker 4: to people when you're at events and things like that,

2675
01:47:18,920 --> 01:47:20,880
Speaker 4: I am way more of that person you said that

2676
01:47:20,920 --> 01:47:22,760
Speaker 4: when I first met you, you too like, I'm very

2677
01:47:22,840 --> 01:47:25,880
Speaker 4: like come up to people and introduce myself. But after

2678
01:47:26,040 --> 01:47:30,160
Speaker 4: years of LA, I don't ever want to make anyone

2679
01:47:30,240 --> 01:47:33,599
Speaker 4: think that like I need something from them. So it's

2680
01:47:33,760 --> 01:47:35,960
Speaker 4: so important to have it organically happen. And it's up

2681
01:47:35,960 --> 01:47:39,000
Speaker 4: to you and that friendship to recognize when that time is.

2682
01:47:39,080 --> 01:47:42,280
Speaker 4: Because You're right, you shouldn't also be scared to say hey,

2683
01:47:42,360 --> 01:47:44,519
Speaker 4: I need your help. I actually message Roddy the other

2684
01:47:44,600 --> 01:47:46,720
Speaker 4: day and I've never done this, and I said, oh

2685
01:47:46,760 --> 01:47:48,800
Speaker 4: my gosh, we didn't meet our like sales goal for

2686
01:47:48,840 --> 01:47:51,360
Speaker 4: the month, but can you like she loves our SPF

2687
01:47:51,360 --> 01:47:53,280
Speaker 4: And I was like, can you just like post it?

2688
01:47:53,720 --> 01:47:57,080
Speaker 4: And I felt so weird. You literally said like, do

2689
01:47:57,120 --> 01:47:58,720
Speaker 4: I have a code? Like can I post it to

2690
01:47:58,800 --> 01:48:01,040
Speaker 4: all of my followers? I was more saying to send

2691
01:48:01,080 --> 01:48:02,160
Speaker 4: it to you so you can text it to your

2692
01:48:02,200 --> 01:48:04,360
Speaker 4: friends personally, and you were like, do you want me

2693
01:48:04,400 --> 01:48:05,960
Speaker 4: to just post it to everybody? And I was like

2694
01:48:06,000 --> 01:48:08,160
Speaker 4: that was just so sweet. But again it was like

2695
01:48:08,360 --> 01:48:11,280
Speaker 4: I had a pit in my stomach to like ask, but.

2696
01:48:11,240 --> 01:48:11,880
Speaker 3: I know what you mean.

2697
01:48:11,880 --> 01:48:13,679
Speaker 1: I feel the same way about the podcast. You guys

2698
01:48:13,680 --> 01:48:16,240
Speaker 1: are the only people that I felt comfortable like with

2699
01:48:16,439 --> 01:48:19,120
Speaker 1: people just reaching out to you because you though, you're

2700
01:48:19,120 --> 01:48:21,240
Speaker 1: the only two people that I've had that with everybody else.

2701
01:48:21,280 --> 01:48:24,559
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm being really mindful about like can

2702
01:48:24,600 --> 01:48:27,280
Speaker 1: I ask them? Should I not ask them? Like just

2703
01:48:27,320 --> 01:48:29,200
Speaker 1: does it feel like I'm asking too much. And I

2704
01:48:29,200 --> 01:48:32,400
Speaker 1: think because of Jay and how what his life is,

2705
01:48:32,960 --> 01:48:34,880
Speaker 1: I was saying this to you, I never like being

2706
01:48:34,920 --> 01:48:37,360
Speaker 1: invited as a plus one. I never like being I

2707
01:48:37,439 --> 01:48:40,120
Speaker 1: never asked for invites to places that he gets invited to.

2708
01:48:40,200 --> 01:48:41,960
Speaker 1: I have no desire to be in them if I'm

2709
01:48:41,960 --> 01:48:45,160
Speaker 1: not invited myself, right, And I think there's this like

2710
01:48:45,479 --> 01:48:47,680
Speaker 1: there's this feeling of never wanting to be in a

2711
01:48:47,720 --> 01:48:50,479
Speaker 1: space where you're not welcome or invited, and in the

2712
01:48:50,520 --> 01:48:53,360
Speaker 1: same way, never asking too much of someone. I've had that.

2713
01:48:53,640 --> 01:48:55,240
Speaker 1: I feel like I still have that friendship with a

2714
01:48:55,240 --> 01:48:58,240
Speaker 1: few people that he's become friends with where I know

2715
01:48:58,479 --> 01:49:02,040
Speaker 1: I'm not close enough to ask them or to expect

2716
01:49:02,040 --> 01:49:05,040
Speaker 1: anything from them. And I think there's again partner differentiation

2717
01:49:05,080 --> 01:49:06,400
Speaker 1: of like, you can be close to people, but that

2718
01:49:06,439 --> 01:49:08,519
Speaker 1: doesn't mean I am. And I can be close to people,

2719
01:49:08,520 --> 01:49:10,519
Speaker 1: but that doesn't mean you are, and it doesn't it's

2720
01:49:10,520 --> 01:49:12,760
Speaker 1: not interchangeable. I can't expect someone to be friends with

2721
01:49:12,800 --> 01:49:14,920
Speaker 1: me if I haven't invested in them in the same

2722
01:49:14,920 --> 01:49:15,719
Speaker 1: way as he has.

2723
01:49:15,800 --> 01:49:16,000
Speaker 3: Right.

2724
01:49:16,600 --> 01:49:19,559
Speaker 2: Tricky in friendships at the end of the day, it's

2725
01:49:19,560 --> 01:49:21,240
Speaker 2: super tricky. And I think you just feel it and

2726
01:49:21,280 --> 01:49:23,599
Speaker 2: you just know if you're a good person, it's easy.

2727
01:49:23,840 --> 01:49:26,559
Speaker 1: Yeah, agreed. Yeah, Okay, So to end the podcast, I'm

2728
01:49:26,560 --> 01:49:28,840
Speaker 1: going to ask you, guys, what type of crier you are,

2729
01:49:28,880 --> 01:49:31,519
Speaker 1: and I basically categorize the types of criers. I'm going

2730
01:49:31,600 --> 01:49:33,080
Speaker 1: to tell you and then you have to give me

2731
01:49:33,120 --> 01:49:35,599
Speaker 1: your best version of it. So there's a loud, ugly,

2732
01:49:35,720 --> 01:49:39,519
Speaker 1: ugly crier, which is just kind. That's the ugly crier,

2733
01:49:39,800 --> 01:49:45,120
Speaker 1: loud and ugly, the breathless, which is just what Okay.

2734
01:49:45,600 --> 01:49:49,800
Speaker 1: The third one is the sniffler and snotty that's like, yeah,

2735
01:49:49,840 --> 01:49:52,960
Speaker 1: it comes out of every single hole, the hype, the

2736
01:49:53,040 --> 01:49:56,720
Speaker 1: high pitched, which is I just don't know why. We've

2737
01:49:56,800 --> 01:49:59,639
Speaker 1: got those friends who just yeah, first you is then

2738
01:49:59,680 --> 01:50:04,040
Speaker 1: there that I'm not crying, you're crying. I have something

2739
01:50:04,080 --> 01:50:07,080
Speaker 1: in my eye. And then there's the silent crier where

2740
01:50:07,120 --> 01:50:09,280
Speaker 1: they go to the bathroom they come up with puffy eyes,

2741
01:50:09,320 --> 01:50:11,360
Speaker 1: but no one will ever know and they will never

2742
01:50:11,400 --> 01:50:12,040
Speaker 1: admit to them.

2743
01:50:12,560 --> 01:50:13,880
Speaker 3: Okay, that's probably true.

2744
01:50:14,280 --> 01:50:15,719
Speaker 1: O can be you're an actress, Can you do something

2745
01:50:15,800 --> 01:50:19,320
Speaker 1: like I can out? Yes, I can and go the

2746
01:50:19,360 --> 01:50:22,439
Speaker 1: silent cryer? Everyone by Francier. It's been a hard day.

2747
01:50:22,600 --> 01:50:25,160
Speaker 1: She's been through a lot. She runs to the bathroom.

2748
01:50:25,880 --> 01:50:28,800
Speaker 1: She has a weep, tears stream from her eyes. She

2749
01:50:28,880 --> 01:50:32,960
Speaker 1: walks out. She's welcomed by many faces staring at her,

2750
01:50:33,560 --> 01:50:38,559
Speaker 1: and this is what she looks like. I feel sad

2751
01:50:38,600 --> 01:50:42,160
Speaker 1: now it was really good. Oh my god, he's still going,

2752
01:50:43,040 --> 01:50:44,360
Speaker 1: Oh my.

2753
01:50:47,320 --> 01:50:50,280
Speaker 5: Guy, Oh my gosh, give her an oscar.

2754
01:50:52,320 --> 01:50:52,800
Speaker 3: Oh my god.

2755
01:50:52,840 --> 01:50:54,080
Speaker 1: I've actually got tears in my eyes.

2756
01:50:54,160 --> 01:50:55,880
Speaker 5: Say I hate seeing friends cry.

2757
01:50:55,920 --> 01:50:56,439
Speaker 3: It makes me cry.

2758
01:50:57,640 --> 01:50:59,840
Speaker 5: Francia, Wow, I always wondered to help.

2759
01:51:00,240 --> 01:51:00,559
Speaker 3: Did that?

2760
01:51:02,040 --> 01:51:04,160
Speaker 5: Okay, first of all, I'm not an actress.

2761
01:51:06,600 --> 01:51:12,640
Speaker 2: Okay, that was really so that was the sixth.

2762
01:51:12,400 --> 01:51:14,400
Speaker 1: Wait, that was the silent crier.

2763
01:51:14,120 --> 01:51:17,040
Speaker 3: But like, wow, the silent cry that you'll never say.

2764
01:51:17,040 --> 01:51:18,360
Speaker 1: It's a silent but powerful.

2765
01:51:18,760 --> 01:51:22,480
Speaker 5: After her, I'm the second one, you are the breathless.

2766
01:51:22,640 --> 01:51:22,920
Speaker 3: Yeah.

2767
01:51:22,920 --> 01:51:25,760
Speaker 4: So, like I think because I have a business, people

2768
01:51:25,840 --> 01:51:29,280
Speaker 4: think I'm Leo, but I'm cancer. I'm July fourthe yeah,

2769
01:51:29,320 --> 01:51:32,160
Speaker 4: And I'm very sensitive and I think that like nobody

2770
01:51:32,160 --> 01:51:35,320
Speaker 4: expects that from me. So anytime friends hurt me, I

2771
01:51:35,360 --> 01:51:37,719
Speaker 4: think people expect me to be this like hard ass

2772
01:51:37,800 --> 01:51:40,519
Speaker 4: person who's just like I'm fine and pretend like it

2773
01:51:40,560 --> 01:51:42,680
Speaker 4: didn't hurt me. But I still the memory of a

2774
01:51:42,720 --> 01:51:44,559
Speaker 4: friend we've talked about before that like I'm no longer

2775
01:51:44,600 --> 01:51:47,519
Speaker 4: friends with that. I literally like in the middle they

2776
01:51:47,560 --> 01:51:49,040
Speaker 4: were trying to be like more hard about it and

2777
01:51:49,040 --> 01:51:49,840
Speaker 4: be like, well you didn't do.

2778
01:51:49,840 --> 01:51:50,920
Speaker 5: This, and blah blah blah blah blah.

2779
01:51:50,960 --> 01:51:53,519
Speaker 4: I was like, look like it just I couldn't even

2780
01:51:53,520 --> 01:51:55,360
Speaker 4: get the words out because I was like, I'm just hurt.

2781
01:51:55,560 --> 01:51:57,080
Speaker 5: That's literally it. I'm just hurt.

2782
01:51:57,400 --> 01:51:59,599
Speaker 4: It's not like I'm angry about it or anything. I'm

2783
01:51:59,640 --> 01:52:02,920
Speaker 4: literally hurt that you would do this to me. But

2784
01:52:03,040 --> 01:52:04,880
Speaker 4: I remember we like went to get food and like

2785
01:52:04,920 --> 01:52:06,760
Speaker 4: try to talk it out, and I couldn't get a

2786
01:52:06,800 --> 01:52:09,000
Speaker 4: word out because I was just like choked up on

2787
01:52:09,080 --> 01:52:09,559
Speaker 4: every word.

2788
01:52:09,600 --> 01:52:12,040
Speaker 5: And yeah, I'm like a very sensitive person.

2789
01:52:13,400 --> 01:52:15,599
Speaker 4: But I like, I don't know if that's the second

2790
01:52:15,640 --> 01:52:17,080
Speaker 4: one or the one where you're trying to hide it.

2791
01:52:17,160 --> 01:52:18,960
Speaker 1: Are the breathless or trying to hide it?

2792
01:52:19,400 --> 01:52:21,880
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's definitely somewhere in between the two.

2793
01:52:21,880 --> 01:52:25,080
Speaker 1: And I didn't give us a little bit of into it.

2794
01:52:25,160 --> 01:52:27,000
Speaker 5: You like, did you make the other people? Did you

2795
01:52:27,000 --> 01:52:27,160
Speaker 5: make it?

2796
01:52:27,960 --> 01:52:30,240
Speaker 1: She did it, Yeah, she was, but all the actresses

2797
01:52:30,240 --> 01:52:32,400
Speaker 1: seemed to be like silent cries, where she was just like,

2798
01:52:36,320 --> 01:52:39,240
Speaker 1: wasn't she Yeah, so Alexis so she was a silent one.

2799
01:52:39,280 --> 01:52:40,920
Speaker 3: Well, the silent is what you assigned me.

2800
01:52:41,000 --> 01:52:42,760
Speaker 2: So that's what I did, but I decided to do

2801
01:52:42,800 --> 01:52:45,759
Speaker 2: that in public, that's what I'll do, but in private,

2802
01:52:45,880 --> 01:52:46,640
Speaker 2: I let it go.

2803
01:52:46,880 --> 01:52:49,759
Speaker 5: So it's like a hardcore one. But okay, I can't

2804
01:52:49,800 --> 01:52:51,479
Speaker 5: do it. You can, I can't.

2805
01:52:51,520 --> 01:52:52,960
Speaker 1: Oh God, is it a breath? If it's a breathfa

2806
01:52:53,160 --> 01:52:55,080
Speaker 1: I just did all of them for you as an example.

2807
01:52:55,200 --> 01:52:57,680
Speaker 4: But but so you asked me to look for a

2808
01:52:57,720 --> 01:52:59,240
Speaker 4: picture of me crying.

2809
01:52:59,360 --> 01:53:00,360
Speaker 5: I was that.

2810
01:53:00,360 --> 01:53:01,960
Speaker 4: I had a photo like from a couple of weeks

2811
01:53:02,000 --> 01:53:03,840
Speaker 4: ago of just like a tear coming down my face

2812
01:53:03,840 --> 01:53:05,680
Speaker 4: and it was on a plane. So I definitely was

2813
01:53:05,680 --> 01:53:07,960
Speaker 4: that second one where I was like trying not to cry,

2814
01:53:08,000 --> 01:53:10,840
Speaker 4: but it was just crying. Because again I think like

2815
01:53:10,880 --> 01:53:12,479
Speaker 4: I just like hold all of it in, so like

2816
01:53:12,600 --> 01:53:13,240
Speaker 4: even trying to.

2817
01:53:13,200 --> 01:53:14,439
Speaker 1: Do it right now, Okay, now you don't have to

2818
01:53:14,439 --> 01:53:15,720
Speaker 1: do I feel really uncomfortable.

2819
01:53:15,800 --> 01:53:16,400
Speaker 5: But I'm glad you.

2820
01:53:16,320 --> 01:53:18,559
Speaker 1: Brought up the picture thing because I do want everyone

2821
01:53:18,600 --> 01:53:20,960
Speaker 1: to just feel from doing this. The reason I wanted

2822
01:53:21,000 --> 01:53:23,280
Speaker 1: to end with this is because I want everyone that's

2823
01:53:23,320 --> 01:53:26,559
Speaker 1: listening to just feel so much more comfortable with releasing emotion.

2824
01:53:26,680 --> 01:53:28,640
Speaker 1: And the reason I asked you to take pictures and

2825
01:53:28,720 --> 01:53:31,080
Speaker 1: also send me your pictures of you crying because I

2826
01:53:31,120 --> 01:53:33,800
Speaker 1: think we document so many happy moments in our life,

2827
01:53:33,880 --> 01:53:35,760
Speaker 1: and sometimes we're sad and we end up taking a

2828
01:53:35,800 --> 01:53:38,080
Speaker 1: picture of us happy because of the circumstance that we're

2829
01:53:38,080 --> 01:53:40,680
Speaker 1: in and we have to get into a picture. But like,

2830
01:53:40,800 --> 01:53:43,000
Speaker 1: if we want to be more real with ourselves and

2831
01:53:43,040 --> 01:53:45,400
Speaker 1: with everybody else around us, like be okay with taking

2832
01:53:45,439 --> 01:53:48,120
Speaker 1: pictures of yourself also feeling sad. I have so many

2833
01:53:48,160 --> 01:53:50,639
Speaker 1: on my phone just to remember those moments, but also

2834
01:53:51,240 --> 01:53:53,960
Speaker 1: to feel okay with seeing myself in that way and

2835
01:53:54,360 --> 01:53:57,600
Speaker 1: recognizing crying is not necessarily a terrible thing or a

2836
01:53:57,600 --> 01:53:59,479
Speaker 1: bad thing. It's actually just such a beautiful thing for

2837
01:53:59,560 --> 01:54:03,920
Speaker 1: us to go. So I totally understand Deeper doesn't want

2838
01:54:03,960 --> 01:54:04,200
Speaker 1: to do it.

2839
01:54:04,280 --> 01:54:08,519
Speaker 4: I'm gonna sometimes crying is not sad tears like I remember,

2840
01:54:08,640 --> 01:54:11,080
Speaker 4: like at your thirtieth birthday, Jay had us all go

2841
01:54:11,160 --> 01:54:14,200
Speaker 4: around the picnic and every person cried when they talked

2842
01:54:14,200 --> 01:54:17,080
Speaker 4: about you, but because it was tears of joy.

2843
01:54:17,280 --> 01:54:18,840
Speaker 1: That was I know. I'm said, you miss it. You're

2844
01:54:18,840 --> 01:54:20,600
Speaker 1: gonna be the next one there, But that's true, like

2845
01:54:20,800 --> 01:54:24,760
Speaker 1: tears are so. All emotions, well, not all emotions, but

2846
01:54:24,840 --> 01:54:27,720
Speaker 1: all physical representation of your emotions can be in such

2847
01:54:27,720 --> 01:54:30,880
Speaker 1: different ways. People laugh sometimes when they feel uncomfortable. My sister,

2848
01:54:30,920 --> 01:54:32,560
Speaker 1: when we were growing up, she used to laugh when

2849
01:54:32,640 --> 01:54:34,440
Speaker 1: She used to laugh when it was in sad moments.

2850
01:54:34,440 --> 01:54:36,520
Speaker 1: It was her way of releasing And so I think

2851
01:54:36,600 --> 01:54:39,880
Speaker 1: let's not categorize the way that we release emotion for

2852
01:54:40,000 --> 01:54:43,120
Speaker 1: a specific emotion. It should be free for all, depending

2853
01:54:43,160 --> 01:54:45,000
Speaker 1: on who you are and how you want to release things.

2854
01:54:45,040 --> 01:54:46,720
Speaker 3: Oh girl, i'd laugh too, it's so bad.

2855
01:54:47,160 --> 01:54:48,360
Speaker 1: Do you laugh an awkward situation?

2856
01:54:48,560 --> 01:54:51,840
Speaker 2: Yes, especially like uncomfortable ones, like where someone's hurt and

2857
01:54:51,880 --> 01:54:52,800
Speaker 2: I just can't help it.

2858
01:54:52,840 --> 01:54:54,040
Speaker 3: I start laughing because I don't know what to do.

2859
01:54:54,160 --> 01:54:56,360
Speaker 1: That's what my sister does. But thank you all so

2860
01:54:56,480 --> 01:54:59,080
Speaker 1: much for listening to another episode of a good podcast.

2861
01:54:59,120 --> 01:55:01,200
Speaker 1: I hope this has helped to get in tune with

2862
01:55:01,200 --> 01:55:06,160
Speaker 1: your emotions, understand friendships better, understand relationships better, and ultimately

2863
01:55:06,200 --> 01:55:08,440
Speaker 1: help you become the best version of yourself. So thanks

2864
01:55:08,440 --> 01:55:10,200
Speaker 1: again for listening, and I'll see you next time.