WEBVTT - Motherhood

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<v Speaker 1>Hey fam, I'm Jada Pinkett Smith and this is the

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<v Speaker 1>Red Table pop podcast, all your favorite episodes from the

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<v Speaker 1>Facebook watch show in audio produced by Westbrook Audio and

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<v Speaker 1>I Heart Radio. Please don't forget to rate and review

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<v Speaker 1>on Apple Podcasts. Hey Facebook family, I like to introduce

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<v Speaker 1>you to two of the most important women in my life,

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<v Speaker 1>my mother and my daughter, Adrian Vanfield Norris really old school.

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<v Speaker 1>Don't let me be the grandma that's running around in

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<v Speaker 1>a mini skirt. Everything is by the book. And then

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<v Speaker 1>we have my daughter, Willow Camille rain Smith Willow seventeen.

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<v Speaker 1>She breaks all the rules. They're both on two extreme

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<v Speaker 1>sides of the spectrum, and funny enough, guess where I

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<v Speaker 1>land In the middle. We will be talking about the

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<v Speaker 1>world around us, about what we're going through, because we're

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<v Speaker 1>all going through something we're going to have. I'm so excited,

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<v Speaker 1>tag put it all on the table or the Red Table.

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<v Speaker 1>Were about the Red Table day. This is our first

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<v Speaker 1>episode and I just had the biggest epiphany. Motherhood and

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<v Speaker 1>everything that comes with it is our red hot topic.

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<v Speaker 1>When I met Will, he had a son. My entry

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<v Speaker 1>point to motherhood was co mothering with Will's ex wife

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<v Speaker 1>Shari and this is the first time I'm sitting down

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<v Speaker 1>to talk about our journey. I want to show you, guys,

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<v Speaker 1>my conversation with Shari. I think it might be really uncomfortable. Bitch,

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<v Speaker 1>you living in a house I picked out. I never

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<v Speaker 1>wanted you to be in that situation, like not date

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<v Speaker 1>Will at all. It has been a hell of a journey. There,

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<v Speaker 1>everybody around the lights pleases, I'm ready, let's do this.

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<v Speaker 1>Here we go. Yes, the table of passion, the table

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<v Speaker 1>of truth, the red table. Today we are talking about

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<v Speaker 1>and celebrating motherhood. When I married Will, I had a

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<v Speaker 1>bonus son that came with that marriage named Trey. And

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<v Speaker 1>with Trey came his mother, Shari. And my first introduction

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<v Speaker 1>to motherhood was actually co mother ing with Shari. Remember

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<v Speaker 1>that I never wanted that for you, I know. So

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<v Speaker 1>I had an opportunity to talk with Sharie about our

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<v Speaker 1>blended family. It has been a hell of a journey.

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<v Speaker 1>This was the first time we did this. I was

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<v Speaker 1>super nervous. You know, how did she feel about doing it?

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<v Speaker 1>You know what? She was super open. Well, I'm gonna

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<v Speaker 1>let you come over here, sit sit next to gam

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<v Speaker 1>so that you guys can so read this is the

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<v Speaker 1>first time to sit down together and talk about this

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<v Speaker 1>blended family situation. And you know, I think it's so

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<v Speaker 1>important because there's so many people that are going through this.

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<v Speaker 1>We've been doing this for twenty plus years. That's a

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<v Speaker 1>long time. That's long. Asked her. The beginning between us

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<v Speaker 1>was rough. And here's the one thing I will say

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<v Speaker 1>in hindsight, because I did not understand marriage, I didn't

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<v Speaker 1>understand divorce, I will say that I probably should have

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<v Speaker 1>fell back. Think I do. And I'm gonna tell you

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<v Speaker 1>why I would have fell back, because I feel like

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<v Speaker 1>when Will and I first started dating, you know, I

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<v Speaker 1>had this thing in my mind was like, okay, well

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<v Speaker 1>you did that, and that's done. You know all you

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<v Speaker 1>thought it was done that part. See, that's where I

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<v Speaker 1>was wrong. Yes, Now being a married woman and if

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<v Speaker 1>Will and I were to get divorced, now, oh my god.

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<v Speaker 1>So when I think back about where I was some

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<v Speaker 1>of my insensitivities and my inconsideration just in regards to

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<v Speaker 1>you guys unwinding a marriage and then me trying to

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<v Speaker 1>get in there and like, all right, so we got trade,

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<v Speaker 1>we got okay, so this is what we need to do.

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<v Speaker 1>And you know just I remember like blessed a little hard.

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<v Speaker 1>I remember I was dropping him off and a little

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<v Speaker 1>miss Things said we need to talk about trades behavior.

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<v Speaker 1>I was like, we all need to sit down and

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<v Speaker 1>have it right. I was like, go get his daddy.

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<v Speaker 1>Do you remember that conversation that we had on the

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<v Speaker 1>phone that time? I do. It was fighting word. Very

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<v Speaker 1>few times in my life I can recall being checked

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<v Speaker 1>real hard where I didn't have nothing to say. You

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<v Speaker 1>did that I did, but you weren't out a line.

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<v Speaker 1>You picked a the phone and I wasn't really respectful.

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<v Speaker 1>Trey was at the house. I'm calling to talk to Tray,

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<v Speaker 1>but I had to go through you to get to him. Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>so you basically let me know I don't really appreciate

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<v Speaker 1>your tone, and I was like, I don't amatic, and

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<v Speaker 1>you hung up on me. I called back and I

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<v Speaker 1>happened to say, quote, bitch, you living in the house

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<v Speaker 1>I picked out. You said, it's my house. Now, I

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<v Speaker 1>want you to know will Smith let me have it?

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<v Speaker 1>What was his take? His take was that is trays

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<v Speaker 1>mother and that's just not your place. Yeah. The next

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<v Speaker 1>time I saw you was in the foyer of my

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<v Speaker 1>You took the initiative to make things right. And the

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<v Speaker 1>one thing I will say about you, you would always

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<v Speaker 1>say read I apologize, you always owned it and thank

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<v Speaker 1>you for that. Absolutely. Yeah. One thing that Will has

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<v Speaker 1>always been really clear about, which is really beautiful, is

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<v Speaker 1>the mother dynamic. Basically, his position was I'm always willing

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<v Speaker 1>to hear I'm open ears, but you have to understand

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<v Speaker 1>she's trades mother. It took a lot of maturity because

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<v Speaker 1>I didn't know that, and he knew when to step

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<v Speaker 1>off when he was like, that's between you and Red,

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<v Speaker 1>y'all gotta figure it out. And you know what, I

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<v Speaker 1>think part of my responsibility is to respect you. We

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<v Speaker 1>have to understand that just that level of respect and consideration,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, and that takes a minute to get to.

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<v Speaker 1>What would you say was the most difficult point for

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<v Speaker 1>you in regards to this dynamic. The most difficult part

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<v Speaker 1>was the week he told me he was introducing you

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<v Speaker 1>to Tray and I said, no, I don't think that's

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<v Speaker 1>a good idea, and he's like, well, it's happening, you know.

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<v Speaker 1>So Trey comes home. I said, how did you like

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<v Speaker 1>miss Jada? He said, I really liked her. Mommy, Oh,

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<v Speaker 1>my God, thank you for loving my baby. Oh so

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<v Speaker 1>he comes, he says, I want to get her a present,

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<v Speaker 1>and he wanted to get you a little candle. That

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<v Speaker 1>was a turning point because I did see your heart

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<v Speaker 1>with Tray. You know, I did see that you love

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<v Speaker 1>this kid, you really did, and I saw a woman

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<v Speaker 1>who was doing the very best she could. I'll be

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<v Speaker 1>honest with you, I had my doubts. I'm not ad

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<v Speaker 1>because I do. You remember when you told me it

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<v Speaker 1>was Tray's birthday party and you had invited me, and

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<v Speaker 1>you looked at me and you said, you know he's

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<v Speaker 1>not easy. Right? Was I talking about Willow Trey? You've

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<v Speaker 1>been talking about will was right? So I'm saying, girlfriend,

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<v Speaker 1>just looking at just looking out. But yeah, I knew

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<v Speaker 1>you had your doubt. Everybody did because I know this

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<v Speaker 1>little boy is a lot, and I know this baby daddy.

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<v Speaker 1>You know, I chose to walk away from the marriage, right,

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<v Speaker 1>That's the choice that I made, and even to this day,

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<v Speaker 1>thinking that I broke up a family. I didn't give

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<v Speaker 1>trade what I wanted for him. I didn't give him

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<v Speaker 1>what he needed, you know, I didn't give him what

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<v Speaker 1>his brother and sister have. That's hard, but you know,

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<v Speaker 1>that's what I have to live with, and that broke

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<v Speaker 1>me down. It still hurts, you know. We had this

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<v Speaker 1>fantasy in my mind. I'm like, oh man, we're just

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<v Speaker 1>gonna be one big, happy family and we're gonna make

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<v Speaker 1>this work and Tray, this is gonna be seamless for him.

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<v Speaker 1>And it hasn't been, you know, and that it's been difficult,

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<v Speaker 1>especially now as he's older and just seeing some of

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<v Speaker 1>the stuff he has to deal with. Mm hmm. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>but I know you and I both understand that he has.

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<v Speaker 1>We've all come here with our burdens. Isn't it something

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<v Speaker 1>how we can relate because of Tray? And I'll tell

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<v Speaker 1>you on this side of things, my son could not.

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<v Speaker 1>I have a better moment smile. Thank you, Ray, No,

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<v Speaker 1>thank you, he couldn't. And he's got a great mother.

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<v Speaker 1>Thank you. It we did it. So that's it. WHOA.

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<v Speaker 1>That was a great conversation. Really, yeah, that blew my

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<v Speaker 1>mind just watching that. Just really I was always kind

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<v Speaker 1>of seeing the edges of what was really going on

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<v Speaker 1>when you were growing up. Did you feel like tension

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<v Speaker 1>from time to tell when she was around? But it

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<v Speaker 1>was so interesting because I loved going to Shari's house,

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<v Speaker 1>and I loved, you know, cooking with her and sleeping

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<v Speaker 1>over and I loved hanging out with her. Our relationship

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<v Speaker 1>was amazing, But I definitely knew that there was a

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<v Speaker 1>dynamic thing. What has changed watching this interview, I never

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<v Speaker 1>really understood both of your relationship, Like I didn't understand

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<v Speaker 1>that you had a relationship. We really try to keep

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<v Speaker 1>our adult stuff out of the view of you guys,

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<v Speaker 1>even though looking in hindsight, you guys could feel in

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<v Speaker 1>anyway as well. Had a discussion about it, me and

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<v Speaker 1>Jaden what we love Trey and he wanted to be

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<v Speaker 1>around him all the time, and then seeing how he

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<v Speaker 1>reacted just let us know. You and Jaden were here

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<v Speaker 1>and then there was Trey. But we always tried to

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<v Speaker 1>unconsciously close that gay. Yeah, I wanted to close that

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<v Speaker 1>gap too, And I think even through Trey's experience, I

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<v Speaker 1>was trying to heal something about my own experience, you

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<v Speaker 1>know what I mean, Like that I never wanted him

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<v Speaker 1>to feel like he was separate. I didn't want him

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<v Speaker 1>to feel that. When I was sitting at the table

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<v Speaker 1>with Sharie and I watched that interview, I had such

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<v Speaker 1>a healing omen because I realized that with all my expectations,

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<v Speaker 1>how expectations will steal the gifts that are sitting right

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<v Speaker 1>there in front of you because you can't see them,

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<v Speaker 1>because you're so concerned about creating this picture that you

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<v Speaker 1>have in your mind being you can't even see the

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<v Speaker 1>blessing that is standing right there in front of you.

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<v Speaker 1>What do you think gave me? After seeing it? Was

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<v Speaker 1>difficult hearing her say some of the things that she

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<v Speaker 1>said about you and some of the things that you

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<v Speaker 1>said about her. I mean, I know that's what was

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<v Speaker 1>going on, but you know, in my mind, I'm like, well, yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>you shouldn't have been over there saying that or whatever.

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<v Speaker 1>You know. I can't even message yeah, because that's where

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<v Speaker 1>my head was. Back in the time when we first

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<v Speaker 1>started doing the Christmases together with the entire family, I

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<v Speaker 1>was like, really, yeah, I'm not understanding really why it's

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<v Speaker 1>necessary for Sheer and everybody to be here. Is that

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<v Speaker 1>really necessary? Right? But you know that's some old school

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<v Speaker 1>b s. I love Sari. I would say she has

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<v Speaker 1>really been one of the main people in my life

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<v Speaker 1>that has forced me to expand in a way that

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<v Speaker 1>was beyond anything I imagined. And I'm so grateful. I'm

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<v Speaker 1>sure she would say the same. What was your relationship

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<v Speaker 1>like with your mother? It was great until I got

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<v Speaker 1>into high school and then I started hanging with this

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<v Speaker 1>crowd you know, gave me, had me at your age. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>I had graduated from high school year, I was married

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<v Speaker 1>in high school. What was the life for you though? Mom?

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<v Speaker 1>Being a mother? In high school? They were the worst

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<v Speaker 1>years of my life. Wow, worst years of my life?

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<v Speaker 1>Why because I was just so confused, old in a

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<v Speaker 1>rebellious state. I wasn't getting along with mommy and daddy,

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<v Speaker 1>just being really uncomfortable in my own skin and just

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<v Speaker 1>doing whatever I thought I needed to do to be

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<v Speaker 1>popular and be part of the popular crowd. Yeah, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>so that's not an easy thing for someone as young

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<v Speaker 1>as I was. Exactly, I had a baby, buried and

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<v Speaker 1>divorce by the time I was nineteen years old. Oh yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>that's real talk. Experience is real talk. And I'm just

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<v Speaker 1>I'm laughing because I can because you've come through so much.

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<v Speaker 1>You're a young woman. As you grow older, what are

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<v Speaker 1>your thoughts around motherhood in regards to your own life,

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<v Speaker 1>your own experience. I don't know if this is a

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<v Speaker 1>world that I really want to bring my kids and said, no,

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<v Speaker 1>I thought about that at your age doing my like,

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<v Speaker 1>do I really you know what I mean? Yeah? I wasn't.

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<v Speaker 1>So you know what's unexpecting to like we're very similar,

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<v Speaker 1>So maybe I will end up with a tribe of

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<v Speaker 1>litl youngun's. You know, what would you say is your

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<v Speaker 1>biggest motherhood regret? You know, I think as mother's there's

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<v Speaker 1>so much expectation to be perfect for your kids. It's okay,

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<v Speaker 1>and yeah your kids are gonna be mad at you

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<v Speaker 1>about and yeah they're going to need therapy. Okay, well

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<v Speaker 1>guess what, it's okay. Yeah, what would you say for you?

0:15:38.800 --> 0:15:42.760
<v Speaker 1>I was just so young that I just didn't know

0:15:42.960 --> 0:15:47.680
<v Speaker 1>what I was doing and I didn't know how to mother.

0:15:48.240 --> 0:15:51.760
<v Speaker 1>I wanted to be the hip mother. I wanted to

0:15:51.840 --> 0:15:56.840
<v Speaker 1>be her best friend. But when you're raising a child,

0:15:57.520 --> 0:16:01.800
<v Speaker 1>she has friends, she needs you to be a mother,

0:16:03.120 --> 0:16:07.600
<v Speaker 1>to provide boundaries and security. And God would move out,

0:16:07.760 --> 0:16:11.280
<v Speaker 1>get my own apartment, and then I would get to

0:16:11.280 --> 0:16:14.520
<v Speaker 1>the point where I couldn't afford it anymore. I would say,

0:16:14.560 --> 0:16:18.440
<v Speaker 1>mine need to come home. Your early years, we were

0:16:18.560 --> 0:16:23.280
<v Speaker 1>in and out of her. So do you feel like

0:16:23.320 --> 0:16:26.840
<v Speaker 1>in a way she kind of raised you, like, oh yeah,

0:16:26.880 --> 0:16:31.440
<v Speaker 1>she definitely was a huge part of my fundamental raising

0:16:31.640 --> 0:16:36.920
<v Speaker 1>because I didn't understand the importance of being a mother.

0:16:37.040 --> 0:16:42.040
<v Speaker 1>I didn't understand that every decision that you make will

0:16:42.080 --> 0:16:45.960
<v Speaker 1>affect your child. I just didn't understand that. I do

0:16:46.200 --> 0:16:50.040
<v Speaker 1>tend to focus on all the things that I did

0:16:50.120 --> 0:16:54.400
<v Speaker 1>wrong in regards to you, feeling like you weren't a

0:16:54.480 --> 0:16:57.480
<v Speaker 1>good mother. It's just not true. But there was also

0:16:57.520 --> 0:17:00.160
<v Speaker 1>a lot of healing between us when I had the kids.

0:17:00.200 --> 0:17:02.800
<v Speaker 1>There was so much healing that happened between you and

0:17:02.960 --> 0:17:08.399
<v Speaker 1>I through them because I got to see your nurturing side.

0:17:09.119 --> 0:17:12.320
<v Speaker 1>I got to see sacrifices that you were making for

0:17:12.400 --> 0:17:15.760
<v Speaker 1>them that weren't the same kind of sacrifices you made

0:17:15.760 --> 0:17:18.080
<v Speaker 1>for me. How you were like, no, I'm going to

0:17:18.280 --> 0:17:21.400
<v Speaker 1>be with you in Australia. Yes, I know it's gonna

0:17:21.440 --> 0:17:24.720
<v Speaker 1>be long, and you know what, my husband's not happy,

0:17:24.800 --> 0:17:27.600
<v Speaker 1>but I'm gonna be there. But that was important and

0:17:27.640 --> 0:17:30.600
<v Speaker 1>it wasn't important, and it helped me so much because

0:17:30.720 --> 0:17:33.080
<v Speaker 1>if I didn't have you, I wouldn't have been able

0:17:33.160 --> 0:17:36.040
<v Speaker 1>to do the matrix. I wouldn't be able to keep working.

0:17:37.280 --> 0:17:39.720
<v Speaker 1>You went with me everywhere, and because of you, I

0:17:39.760 --> 0:17:44.480
<v Speaker 1>was able to have my children with me. So thank

0:17:44.520 --> 0:17:52.080
<v Speaker 1>you to all those beautiful mommies out there. I just

0:17:52.240 --> 0:17:57.280
<v Speaker 1>know that you are perfect and lovely and beautiful. I

0:17:57.400 --> 0:18:01.360
<v Speaker 1>know that what we do sometimes we're not as appreciated

0:18:01.600 --> 0:18:06.359
<v Speaker 1>as we should be. We don't appreciate ourselves. We have

0:18:06.480 --> 0:18:10.480
<v Speaker 1>to do better with that. But here, right here, at

0:18:10.520 --> 0:18:14.800
<v Speaker 1>this Red Table today, we want you to know you

0:18:15.040 --> 0:18:25.399
<v Speaker 1>are honored. Happy Mother's Day, the table, the table. Wow, guys,

0:18:25.800 --> 0:18:32.400
<v Speaker 1>emotional an emotional day. I mean, I really like good show.

0:18:34.000 --> 0:18:38.240
<v Speaker 1>Oh my God. On our next Red Table Talk, loss

0:18:38.840 --> 0:18:45.080
<v Speaker 1>is a part of life. I still get really mad. God.

0:18:45.320 --> 0:18:48.760
<v Speaker 1>I get mad at Tuc because he was one of

0:18:48.800 --> 0:18:51.440
<v Speaker 1>those people that I expected to be here. I never

0:18:51.440 --> 0:18:55.000
<v Speaker 1>talked about it because it was such a short, weird

0:18:55.040 --> 0:19:05.320
<v Speaker 1>coin in my life. What yeah, Hey, Facebook family. Follow

0:19:05.400 --> 0:19:08.840
<v Speaker 1>the official show page for new episodes and updates. We

0:19:08.960 --> 0:19:13.159
<v Speaker 1>also see you back at the Red Table where facebook

0:19:13.200 --> 0:19:31.240
<v Speaker 1>watch only. To join the Red Table Talk family and

0:19:31.280 --> 0:19:34.320
<v Speaker 1>become a part of the conversation. Follow us at facebook

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<v Speaker 1>dot com slash red table Talk. Thanks for listening to

0:19:37.720 --> 0:19:41.200
<v Speaker 1>this episode of Red Table Talk podcast produced by Facebook

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<v Speaker 1>Watch Westbrook Audio and I Heart Radio