Speaker 1: Hey fam, I'm Jada Pinkett Smith and this is the
Speaker 1: Red Table pop podcast, all your favorite episodes from the
Speaker 1: Facebook watch show in audio produced by Westbrook Audio and
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Speaker 1: on Apple Podcasts. Hey Facebook family, I like to introduce
Speaker 1: you to two of the most important women in my life,
Speaker 1: my mother and my daughter, Adrian Vanfield Norris really old school.
Speaker 1: Don't let me be the grandma that's running around in
Speaker 1: a mini skirt. Everything is by the book. And then
Speaker 1: we have my daughter, Willow Camille rain Smith Willow seventeen.
Speaker 1: She breaks all the rules. They're both on two extreme
Speaker 1: sides of the spectrum, and funny enough, guess where I
Speaker 1: land In the middle. We will be talking about the
Speaker 1: world around us, about what we're going through, because we're
Speaker 1: all going through something we're going to have. I'm so excited,
Speaker 1: tag put it all on the table or the Red Table.
Speaker 1: Were about the Red Table day. This is our first
Speaker 1: episode and I just had the biggest epiphany. Motherhood and
Speaker 1: everything that comes with it is our red hot topic.
Speaker 1: When I met Will, he had a son. My entry
Speaker 1: point to motherhood was co mothering with Will's ex wife
Speaker 1: Shari and this is the first time I'm sitting down
Speaker 1: to talk about our journey. I want to show you, guys,
Speaker 1: my conversation with Shari. I think it might be really uncomfortable. Bitch,
Speaker 1: you living in a house I picked out. I never
Speaker 1: wanted you to be in that situation, like not date
Speaker 1: Will at all. It has been a hell of a journey. There,
Speaker 1: everybody around the lights pleases, I'm ready, let's do this.
Speaker 1: Here we go. Yes, the table of passion, the table
Speaker 1: of truth, the red table. Today we are talking about
Speaker 1: and celebrating motherhood. When I married Will, I had a
Speaker 1: bonus son that came with that marriage named Trey. And
Speaker 1: with Trey came his mother, Shari. And my first introduction
Speaker 1: to motherhood was actually co mother ing with Shari. Remember
Speaker 1: that I never wanted that for you, I know. So
Speaker 1: I had an opportunity to talk with Sharie about our
Speaker 1: blended family. It has been a hell of a journey.
Speaker 1: This was the first time we did this. I was
Speaker 1: super nervous. You know, how did she feel about doing it?
Speaker 1: You know what? She was super open. Well, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: let you come over here, sit sit next to gam
Speaker 1: so that you guys can so read this is the
Speaker 1: first time to sit down together and talk about this
Speaker 1: blended family situation. And you know, I think it's so
Speaker 1: important because there's so many people that are going through this.
Speaker 1: We've been doing this for twenty plus years. That's a
Speaker 1: long time. That's long. Asked her. The beginning between us
Speaker 1: was rough. And here's the one thing I will say
Speaker 1: in hindsight, because I did not understand marriage, I didn't
Speaker 1: understand divorce, I will say that I probably should have
Speaker 1: fell back. Think I do. And I'm gonna tell you
Speaker 1: why I would have fell back, because I feel like
Speaker 1: when Will and I first started dating, you know, I
Speaker 1: had this thing in my mind was like, okay, well
Speaker 1: you did that, and that's done. You know all you
Speaker 1: thought it was done that part. See, that's where I
Speaker 1: was wrong. Yes, Now being a married woman and if
Speaker 1: Will and I were to get divorced, now, oh my god.
Speaker 1: So when I think back about where I was some
Speaker 1: of my insensitivities and my inconsideration just in regards to
Speaker 1: you guys unwinding a marriage and then me trying to
Speaker 1: get in there and like, all right, so we got trade,
Speaker 1: we got okay, so this is what we need to do.
Speaker 1: And you know just I remember like blessed a little hard.
Speaker 1: I remember I was dropping him off and a little
Speaker 1: miss Things said we need to talk about trades behavior.
Speaker 1: I was like, we all need to sit down and
Speaker 1: have it right. I was like, go get his daddy.
Speaker 1: Do you remember that conversation that we had on the
Speaker 1: phone that time? I do. It was fighting word. Very
Speaker 1: few times in my life I can recall being checked
Speaker 1: real hard where I didn't have nothing to say. You
Speaker 1: did that I did, but you weren't out a line.
Speaker 1: You picked a the phone and I wasn't really respectful.
Speaker 1: Trey was at the house. I'm calling to talk to Tray,
Speaker 1: but I had to go through you to get to him. Okay,
Speaker 1: so you basically let me know I don't really appreciate
Speaker 1: your tone, and I was like, I don't amatic, and
Speaker 1: you hung up on me. I called back and I
Speaker 1: happened to say, quote, bitch, you living in the house
Speaker 1: I picked out. You said, it's my house. Now, I
Speaker 1: want you to know will Smith let me have it?
Speaker 1: What was his take? His take was that is trays
Speaker 1: mother and that's just not your place. Yeah. The next
Speaker 1: time I saw you was in the foyer of my
Speaker 1: You took the initiative to make things right. And the
Speaker 1: one thing I will say about you, you would always
Speaker 1: say read I apologize, you always owned it and thank
Speaker 1: you for that. Absolutely. Yeah. One thing that Will has
Speaker 1: always been really clear about, which is really beautiful, is
Speaker 1: the mother dynamic. Basically, his position was I'm always willing
Speaker 1: to hear I'm open ears, but you have to understand
Speaker 1: she's trades mother. It took a lot of maturity because
Speaker 1: I didn't know that, and he knew when to step
Speaker 1: off when he was like, that's between you and Red,
Speaker 1: y'all gotta figure it out. And you know what, I
Speaker 1: think part of my responsibility is to respect you. We
Speaker 1: have to understand that just that level of respect and consideration,
Speaker 1: you know, and that takes a minute to get to.
Speaker 1: What would you say was the most difficult point for
Speaker 1: you in regards to this dynamic. The most difficult part
Speaker 1: was the week he told me he was introducing you
Speaker 1: to Tray and I said, no, I don't think that's
Speaker 1: a good idea, and he's like, well, it's happening, you know.
Speaker 1: So Trey comes home. I said, how did you like
Speaker 1: miss Jada? He said, I really liked her. Mommy, Oh,
Speaker 1: my God, thank you for loving my baby. Oh so
Speaker 1: he comes, he says, I want to get her a present,
Speaker 1: and he wanted to get you a little candle. That
Speaker 1: was a turning point because I did see your heart
Speaker 1: with Tray. You know, I did see that you love
Speaker 1: this kid, you really did, and I saw a woman
Speaker 1: who was doing the very best she could. I'll be
Speaker 1: honest with you, I had my doubts. I'm not ad
Speaker 1: because I do. You remember when you told me it
Speaker 1: was Tray's birthday party and you had invited me, and
Speaker 1: you looked at me and you said, you know he's
Speaker 1: not easy. Right? Was I talking about Willow Trey? You've
Speaker 1: been talking about will was right? So I'm saying, girlfriend,
Speaker 1: just looking at just looking out. But yeah, I knew
Speaker 1: you had your doubt. Everybody did because I know this
Speaker 1: little boy is a lot, and I know this baby daddy.
Speaker 1: You know, I chose to walk away from the marriage, right,
Speaker 1: That's the choice that I made, and even to this day,
Speaker 1: thinking that I broke up a family. I didn't give
Speaker 1: trade what I wanted for him. I didn't give him
Speaker 1: what he needed, you know, I didn't give him what
Speaker 1: his brother and sister have. That's hard, but you know,
Speaker 1: that's what I have to live with, and that broke
Speaker 1: me down. It still hurts, you know. We had this
Speaker 1: fantasy in my mind. I'm like, oh man, we're just
Speaker 1: gonna be one big, happy family and we're gonna make
Speaker 1: this work and Tray, this is gonna be seamless for him.
Speaker 1: And it hasn't been, you know, and that it's been difficult,
Speaker 1: especially now as he's older and just seeing some of
Speaker 1: the stuff he has to deal with. Mm hmm. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but I know you and I both understand that he has.
Speaker 1: We've all come here with our burdens. Isn't it something
Speaker 1: how we can relate because of Tray? And I'll tell
Speaker 1: you on this side of things, my son could not.
Speaker 1: I have a better moment smile. Thank you, Ray, No,
Speaker 1: thank you, he couldn't. And he's got a great mother.
Speaker 1: Thank you. It we did it. So that's it. WHOA.
Speaker 1: That was a great conversation. Really, yeah, that blew my
Speaker 1: mind just watching that. Just really I was always kind
Speaker 1: of seeing the edges of what was really going on
Speaker 1: when you were growing up. Did you feel like tension
Speaker 1: from time to tell when she was around? But it
Speaker 1: was so interesting because I loved going to Shari's house,
Speaker 1: and I loved, you know, cooking with her and sleeping
Speaker 1: over and I loved hanging out with her. Our relationship
Speaker 1: was amazing, But I definitely knew that there was a
Speaker 1: dynamic thing. What has changed watching this interview, I never
Speaker 1: really understood both of your relationship, Like I didn't understand
Speaker 1: that you had a relationship. We really try to keep
Speaker 1: our adult stuff out of the view of you guys,
Speaker 1: even though looking in hindsight, you guys could feel in
Speaker 1: anyway as well. Had a discussion about it, me and
Speaker 1: Jaden what we love Trey and he wanted to be
Speaker 1: around him all the time, and then seeing how he
Speaker 1: reacted just let us know. You and Jaden were here
Speaker 1: and then there was Trey. But we always tried to
Speaker 1: unconsciously close that gay. Yeah, I wanted to close that
Speaker 1: gap too, And I think even through Trey's experience, I
Speaker 1: was trying to heal something about my own experience, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean, Like that I never wanted him
Speaker 1: to feel like he was separate. I didn't want him
Speaker 1: to feel that. When I was sitting at the table
Speaker 1: with Sharie and I watched that interview, I had such
Speaker 1: a healing omen because I realized that with all my expectations,
Speaker 1: how expectations will steal the gifts that are sitting right
Speaker 1: there in front of you because you can't see them,
Speaker 1: because you're so concerned about creating this picture that you
Speaker 1: have in your mind being you can't even see the
Speaker 1: blessing that is standing right there in front of you.
Speaker 1: What do you think gave me? After seeing it? Was
Speaker 1: difficult hearing her say some of the things that she
Speaker 1: said about you and some of the things that you
Speaker 1: said about her. I mean, I know that's what was
Speaker 1: going on, but you know, in my mind, I'm like, well, yeah,
Speaker 1: you shouldn't have been over there saying that or whatever.
Speaker 1: You know. I can't even message yeah, because that's where
Speaker 1: my head was. Back in the time when we first
Speaker 1: started doing the Christmases together with the entire family, I
Speaker 1: was like, really, yeah, I'm not understanding really why it's
Speaker 1: necessary for Sheer and everybody to be here. Is that
Speaker 1: really necessary? Right? But you know that's some old school
Speaker 1: b s. I love Sari. I would say she has
Speaker 1: really been one of the main people in my life
Speaker 1: that has forced me to expand in a way that
Speaker 1: was beyond anything I imagined. And I'm so grateful. I'm
Speaker 1: sure she would say the same. What was your relationship
Speaker 1: like with your mother? It was great until I got
Speaker 1: into high school and then I started hanging with this
Speaker 1: crowd you know, gave me, had me at your age. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I had graduated from high school year, I was married
Speaker 1: in high school. What was the life for you though? Mom?
Speaker 1: Being a mother? In high school? They were the worst
Speaker 1: years of my life. Wow, worst years of my life?
Speaker 1: Why because I was just so confused, old in a
Speaker 1: rebellious state. I wasn't getting along with mommy and daddy,
Speaker 1: just being really uncomfortable in my own skin and just
Speaker 1: doing whatever I thought I needed to do to be
Speaker 1: popular and be part of the popular crowd. Yeah, you know,
Speaker 1: so that's not an easy thing for someone as young
Speaker 1: as I was. Exactly, I had a baby, buried and
Speaker 1: divorce by the time I was nineteen years old. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: that's real talk. Experience is real talk. And I'm just
Speaker 1: I'm laughing because I can because you've come through so much.
Speaker 1: You're a young woman. As you grow older, what are
Speaker 1: your thoughts around motherhood in regards to your own life,
Speaker 1: your own experience. I don't know if this is a
Speaker 1: world that I really want to bring my kids and said, no,
Speaker 1: I thought about that at your age doing my like,
Speaker 1: do I really you know what I mean? Yeah? I wasn't.
Speaker 1: So you know what's unexpecting to like we're very similar,
Speaker 1: So maybe I will end up with a tribe of
Speaker 1: litl youngun's. You know, what would you say is your
Speaker 1: biggest motherhood regret? You know, I think as mother's there's
Speaker 1: so much expectation to be perfect for your kids. It's okay,
Speaker 1: and yeah your kids are gonna be mad at you
Speaker 1: about and yeah they're going to need therapy. Okay, well
Speaker 1: guess what, it's okay. Yeah, what would you say for you?
Speaker 1: I was just so young that I just didn't know
Speaker 1: what I was doing and I didn't know how to mother.
Speaker 1: I wanted to be the hip mother. I wanted to
Speaker 1: be her best friend. But when you're raising a child,
Speaker 1: she has friends, she needs you to be a mother,
Speaker 1: to provide boundaries and security. And God would move out,
Speaker 1: get my own apartment, and then I would get to
Speaker 1: the point where I couldn't afford it anymore. I would say,
Speaker 1: mine need to come home. Your early years, we were
Speaker 1: in and out of her. So do you feel like
Speaker 1: in a way she kind of raised you, like, oh yeah,
Speaker 1: she definitely was a huge part of my fundamental raising
Speaker 1: because I didn't understand the importance of being a mother.
Speaker 1: I didn't understand that every decision that you make will
Speaker 1: affect your child. I just didn't understand that. I do
Speaker 1: tend to focus on all the things that I did
Speaker 1: wrong in regards to you, feeling like you weren't a
Speaker 1: good mother. It's just not true. But there was also
Speaker 1: a lot of healing between us when I had the kids.
Speaker 1: There was so much healing that happened between you and
Speaker 1: I through them because I got to see your nurturing side.
Speaker 1: I got to see sacrifices that you were making for
Speaker 1: them that weren't the same kind of sacrifices you made
Speaker 1: for me. How you were like, no, I'm going to
Speaker 1: be with you in Australia. Yes, I know it's gonna
Speaker 1: be long, and you know what, my husband's not happy,
Speaker 1: but I'm gonna be there. But that was important and
Speaker 1: it wasn't important, and it helped me so much because
Speaker 1: if I didn't have you, I wouldn't have been able
Speaker 1: to do the matrix. I wouldn't be able to keep working.
Speaker 1: You went with me everywhere, and because of you, I
Speaker 1: was able to have my children with me. So thank
Speaker 1: you to all those beautiful mommies out there. I just
Speaker 1: know that you are perfect and lovely and beautiful. I
Speaker 1: know that what we do sometimes we're not as appreciated
Speaker 1: as we should be. We don't appreciate ourselves. We have
Speaker 1: to do better with that. But here, right here, at
Speaker 1: this Red Table today, we want you to know you
Speaker 1: are honored. Happy Mother's Day, the table, the table. Wow, guys,
Speaker 1: emotional an emotional day. I mean, I really like good show.
Speaker 1: Oh my God. On our next Red Table Talk, loss
Speaker 1: is a part of life. I still get really mad. God.
Speaker 1: I get mad at Tuc because he was one of
Speaker 1: those people that I expected to be here. I never
Speaker 1: talked about it because it was such a short, weird
Speaker 1: coin in my life. What yeah, Hey, Facebook family. Follow
Speaker 1: the official show page for new episodes and updates. We
Speaker 1: also see you back at the Red Table where facebook
Speaker 1: watch only. To join the Red Table Talk family and
Speaker 1: become a part of the conversation. Follow us at facebook
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