Speaker 1: Hi.
Speaker 2: What's your name.
Speaker 1: My name is Malachi.
Speaker 2: Malachi. What's up? Malachi has life?
Speaker 1: Dude? Life is nuts. I this is weird.
Speaker 3: I told myself I wouldn't be nervous, but you always say,
Speaker 3: don't be nervous, and it's just a it's just a geck.
Speaker 2: So the central nervous system does not The central nervous
Speaker 2: system does not respond to logic. Only instinct.
Speaker 1: Makes sense.
Speaker 2: It's okay, it's instincts will eventually catch up to the logic.
Speaker 2: It just takes a second. What's up, man? What's nuts?
Speaker 1: Dude?
Speaker 3: I've been dealing with I know you on your podcast
Speaker 3: recently have been dealing with a lot of like existential dread. Sure,
Speaker 3: And I have a perophobia. I don't know if you
Speaker 3: know that is like a it's a fear of eternity.
Speaker 3: And so I know you don't necessarily have, like you
Speaker 3: say that you're not really spiritual or really believe in
Speaker 3: a whole lot. But I'm a Christian, and so it's
Speaker 3: weird for me because it's like the idea of what's
Speaker 3: supposed to be my spiritual inheritance, you know, is like
Speaker 3: the most terrifying thing to me. So it's something strange.
Speaker 3: I've been battling for since I was like a kid.
Speaker 3: And yeah, I.
Speaker 2: Guess that's it interesting. Okay, So tell me what you
Speaker 2: believe as a Christian? Is your spiritual inheritance?
Speaker 3: Yeah, well I believe when I die obviously, if you
Speaker 3: believe that Jesus Christ died in the cross and came
Speaker 3: back to life and you, I mean, repentance is its
Speaker 3: own thing within that, but that you would be able
Speaker 3: to live an eternity forever with you know, Jesus and
Speaker 3: everyone else that debth. And so I guess for me,
Speaker 3: it's just like it's weird. I'll be sitting there and
Speaker 3: I'll think of like, oh, well, it's one million years.
Speaker 3: You know, you're you're there for one million years, and
Speaker 3: it's like, oh, well, it's not just that you're there
Speaker 3: for two million and three million and four million and
Speaker 3: five million, and so it's like, I don't know if
Speaker 3: it's like a weird OCD thing, but I'll start snapping
Speaker 3: where I'm just I'll be like, oh, every snap is
Speaker 3: a billion years, and it will pull me into like
Speaker 3: almost full panic mode where I'm like my wife will
Speaker 3: be sitting there, She's like are you okay? And I'm like, yeah,
Speaker 3: I'm freaking out, but it's weird. And then I'll I've
Speaker 3: been smoking recently to try and kind of combat it,
Speaker 3: but it's sometimes made it worse, almost like more paranoid.
Speaker 2: Right, how old are you. I'm twenty three, and you've
Speaker 2: had this fear for your whole life?
Speaker 3: Yeah, I would say since I was around like the
Speaker 3: ten to twelve age, Like I want to say, it
Speaker 3: was weird, Like I'd start thinking about it and it
Speaker 3: would like really mess me up as a kid, and
Speaker 3: I didn't really know what anxiety was or what you know,
Speaker 3: panic attacks were or anything like that. And then my
Speaker 3: stepbrother passed away. It was kind of messed up, but
Speaker 3: he committed suicide, and so I started getting panic attacks
Speaker 3: even worse than and then it kind of came back
Speaker 3: in to that too. I feel like the idea of
Speaker 3: death really like encompassed everything that I was thinking, and
Speaker 3: I felt like I had to do things out of
Speaker 3: spite to you know, like everything. I feel like everything
Speaker 3: you do in life is like out of spite of
Speaker 3: your death. And so it's coming. You're on the train
Speaker 3: no matter what. There's no way to get around it,
Speaker 3: and so it's weird. Because it's like, I almost the
Speaker 3: idea of me being able to die and there just
Speaker 3: be nothing for eternity, like I wouldn't be conscious, So
Speaker 3: that almost sounds more enjoyable than being conscious for eternity,
Speaker 3: and it messes me up because it's like, well, that's
Speaker 3: directly against my beliefs. So it's very it's very strange,
Speaker 3: and it makes me feel like uneasy. It's like the
Speaker 3: same idea. There was some guy that I was listening
Speaker 3: to literally yesterday at work that you were talking to
Speaker 3: that had like the fear of planets and like the sun,
Speaker 3: like he was a he said he was an amateur,
Speaker 3: a strong.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I remember that. That's that was like, yeah,
Speaker 2: a year and a half ago. I remember talking to
Speaker 2: that guy.
Speaker 3: So it's kind of it's like the same idea of that.
Speaker 3: It's like just how crazily big like that number is
Speaker 3: like with eternity or with other planets and suff because
Speaker 3: I get that the same thing. Like my wife and
Speaker 3: I will go up we live in Tucson and there's
Speaker 3: like a big old mountain up here and sometimes we'll
Speaker 3: drive up, and so it's the higher you go up,
Speaker 3: the less light pollution there is, and I literally like
Speaker 3: I'll get fearful, like I'm going to fall off the
Speaker 3: edge of the earth. Like it's weird. I feel like uneasy.
Speaker 3: It's it's weird and it's been bothering me for weeks since.
Speaker 3: I'll listen to your show and there's people that are
Speaker 3: talking about like the existential dread thing, and I'm like,
Speaker 3: I have been dealing with that horribly.
Speaker 2: M So, well, tell me more about your beliefs, like
Speaker 2: do you I mean this question genuinely, like do you
Speaker 2: do you have conviction in your beliefs?
Speaker 3: Conviction how so like like conviction I'm wrong.
Speaker 2: I'm like, uh, well, well, conviction and your beliefs in
Speaker 2: the sense of like you're talking about death as a
Speaker 2: secession of any consciousness for all of eternity versus your
Speaker 2: belief of Christianity, being that your spiritual inheritance upon death
Speaker 2: is eternity with Jesus Christ in heaven.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I guess it's just pretty it's for me, it's
Speaker 3: just like pretty straightforward. I feel like, like one breath out,
Speaker 3: you're here on earth, Like it's just I don't know
Speaker 3: if this is what you're asking about.
Speaker 1: One breath out.
Speaker 3: I'm dead and then the next breath in, I'm like,
Speaker 3: I just I see the gates, you know.
Speaker 2: That's yeah, so that's that's that's your conviction. Yeah, okay,
Speaker 2: hmm hm hm hmm. I'm trying to figure out how
Speaker 2: I want to have this conversation with you, because I
Speaker 2: I think it's good to well, well, actually, no, I'll
Speaker 2: ask you this. I think you're a smart guy, like,
Speaker 2: do you ever And I don't mean this, I swear
Speaker 2: in my life, I don't mean this in a leading way.
Speaker 2: I genuinely again ask do you ever question your beliefs?
Speaker 3: So for me, the doubts come up a lot more
Speaker 3: with kind of what I'm battling in life, and so
Speaker 3: right now I'm battling there's like a lot of pornography
Speaker 3: that I'm trying to get around. I grew up kind
Speaker 3: of not having a whole lot of confidence in myself,
Speaker 3: and so I viewed sex as like a I love you.
Speaker 3: I guess like if I got that with someone, then
Speaker 3: that meant that I loved me. And so recently it's like,
Speaker 3: if I'm not doing so well, I definitely get the
Speaker 3: doubts of like why am I?
Speaker 1: Like, why am I doing this? What is this what
Speaker 1: is this for?
Speaker 3: Or like right now, I'm like at work, I don't
Speaker 3: like I have a good job, but it's not at
Speaker 3: all what I want to be doing. And I think
Speaker 3: that plays into the dread too, is like I'm like,
Speaker 3: it's Attorney's just going to be me doing things that
Speaker 3: I don't want to do forever and ever endeavor and
Speaker 3: so there, I would say there's definitely those doubts that
Speaker 3: you know, like what if what if it's bad? What
Speaker 3: if it's not all good? Because it says, like, you know,
Speaker 3: God keeps his promises in the Bible like everything is good.
Speaker 3: But for me, it's like a lot of my joy
Speaker 3: if your life comes through like battling and experience and
Speaker 3: growth and saying hey I'm better than I was, you know,
Speaker 3: a year ago. But that doesn't really happen in heaven.
Speaker 3: It's apparently supposed to be just like all good and
Speaker 3: all great.
Speaker 1: And I'm like, what the heck?
Speaker 3: How do I you know, like, and it's always forever changing.
Speaker 3: It says it's never going to get boring, and I'm like,
Speaker 3: am I going to be able to play skate four?
Speaker 1: You know?
Speaker 3: It's like I like, yeah, they.
Speaker 2: Might have heaven is definitely full of skate four setups
Speaker 2: for sure. That's absolutely positive. Yeah, skate four. They got
Speaker 2: grand theft Auto seven up there, it's great. Before my
Speaker 2: death interesting so well, okay, because one of the questions
Speaker 2: I was gonna ask you is like why, I mean
Speaker 2: just the simple one of like why are you afraid
Speaker 2: of eternity? And I guess one of the ways you're
Speaker 2: answering it is like, okay, so in eternity, if everything
Speaker 2: is always great and amazing fucking awesome forever, and we
Speaker 2: live in utopia and there's heaven and everything is an
Speaker 2: orgasmic beam of eternal light and sunshine and harmony for
Speaker 2: all of Attorney forever, and Jesus is there and he's
Speaker 2: jacked and everyone has a billion dollars and whatever the
Speaker 2: you know what I mean, It's like, how how is there?
Speaker 2: How is their measurable growth?
Speaker 1: Right? Yeah?
Speaker 2: And that's what makes you guys, what gives you happiness?
Speaker 1: That's that's a big part. I feel like, you know.
Speaker 3: You can be that's go ahead, go ahead, Yeah, sorry,
Speaker 3: I feel like it's the idea of the sun shines
Speaker 3: brighter the harder it rains.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, like how.
Speaker 3: It's so confusing in my head. One just the idea
Speaker 3: of existing forever, but two, like, how how do I
Speaker 3: measure happiness without sadness? Because like I've seen some i'd say,
Speaker 3: some really bad stuff in my life, like I was
Speaker 3: saying with my brother, and There's been a lot more
Speaker 3: traumatic things as I've grown up. But I feel like
Speaker 3: where I'm at now, Like I just got married. I've
Speaker 3: been married for three months, and like it's like I've
Speaker 3: I feel this thing that like I have so much
Speaker 3: I don't know how to explain it. Like I like,
Speaker 3: I built this thing from the ground up, and so
Speaker 3: I'm proud of the fact of where I've got to.
Speaker 3: And so it's like if I just enter heaven, it's like, oh,
Speaker 3: here's your house, here's your million Jesus dollars, here's your
Speaker 3: you know, like I'm just kind of like, okay, but
Speaker 3: what do I have to do? You know, Like what's
Speaker 3: my sense of purpose?
Speaker 2: Yeah? If I'm going to be there forever, well, I mean, yeah, dude,
Speaker 2: I have I got tons of thoughts about this is
Speaker 2: how did you were your parents Christians?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 3: So my it's kind of crazy. Actually my family like
Speaker 3: two or three generations up actually we're the earliest Mormon
Speaker 3: settlers in the US, so all of Utah and I
Speaker 3: don't know if you know, like I think it's called
Speaker 3: Bear Lake was actually settled by His name is Charles
Speaker 3: Colson Rich And so my family's Mormon coming all the
Speaker 3: way down the line. And then when it came to
Speaker 3: my mom, my mom said screw this U and converted
Speaker 3: to Christianity. And so yeah, it was like kind of
Speaker 3: since I was born, like I was dedicated at my church.
Speaker 3: And I'd say, growing up, I kind of always went
Speaker 3: to church because that's just what my parents had me do.
Speaker 3: But then I dated some girl and was like, I
Speaker 3: want to kind of figure out my own life. And
Speaker 3: after she was she was pretty abusive to me for
Speaker 3: three years, and so after that I kind of, i'd say,
Speaker 3: really like laid my life down to Christ. So that's
Speaker 3: been i'd say two or two or three years, and
Speaker 3: like my wife now I'm at a church and it's
Speaker 3: been pretty good. It's just yeah, i'd say, like, realistically,
Speaker 3: my actual beliefs only started about two or three years ago.
Speaker 4: Do you.
Speaker 2: Do you when did you when did you start to
Speaker 2: believe or I guess arrive at the conclusion that there
Speaker 2: is this definitive eternal life in heaven.
Speaker 3: I'd say probably, jeez, dude, I'd probably like in my
Speaker 3: teens somewhere, I'd say like fourteen to sixteen, did I
Speaker 3: really like because I was going to church with my
Speaker 3: family a lot, and they're always like, you're going to
Speaker 3: go to hell if you you know, if this doesn't
Speaker 3: work out or if this doesn't work out, you need
Speaker 3: to you know, be this way and be you know.
Speaker 3: I guess it wasn't like be this way, but.
Speaker 1: It's like, you know, you gotta believe in Christ and
Speaker 1: go to heaven.
Speaker 3: I'm like, okay, cool, well that's like ultimate goal, right,
Speaker 3: And I'm like, what am I going to enjoy about
Speaker 3: this ultimate goal? And I started really sinking into it
Speaker 3: and it's like it's weird because I've I was talking
Speaker 3: to pastors and stuff and I tell them like I
Speaker 3: felt like I was crazy because I'd be on Reddit.
Speaker 3: I'd be like looking up why do I have a
Speaker 3: fear of eternity? And there's like a Reddit thread called
Speaker 3: a perophobia and there's apparently a lot more people that what.
Speaker 2: Do people on that Reddit thread say? What kind of
Speaker 2: like other people who are dealing with this. What do
Speaker 2: they have to say about it?
Speaker 3: It's well, it's not just for Christianity, it's for everything.
Speaker 3: And so it's like some people have the fear of like, oh,
Speaker 3: when I'm dead, I'm I'm gonna never be alive again.
Speaker 3: You know, I'm just gonna float off into the cosmos.
Speaker 1: But there's other people that do.
Speaker 3: Kind of have the same things. For me, I actually
Speaker 3: read an entire research paper that this guy made for
Speaker 3: his college class. It was for like theology, but it
Speaker 3: was called like four and against Eternal Life, and he
Speaker 3: basically explains, like, you know, how God is as he
Speaker 3: is stated in the Bible, and basically what his fears were,
Speaker 3: and then what the pros and cons were of having
Speaker 3: eternal life, and so it I mean I read it
Speaker 3: in it like kind of helps, but it kind of didn't.
Speaker 1: And so.
Speaker 3: It's just it's weird. It's kind of just people saying
Speaker 3: the same thing. Sometimes people kind of get over over
Speaker 3: time and they say, I keep this thing, And a
Speaker 3: lot of people are just saying, like, if it's within
Speaker 3: your belief, you have to believe that God is greater
Speaker 3: than like what these fears are being stirred up against. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 3: it's like the idea of.
Speaker 1: Letting go.
Speaker 3: And just like like Nirvana, you know, like letting go
Speaker 3: and being in that state and let.
Speaker 2: Me it's sorry, I want to you're Before I cut in.
Speaker 1: I was just gonna say it's weird, but you're good.
Speaker 2: Well, let me say this, for for me to have
Speaker 2: this conversation with you is yeah, you know, I talk
Speaker 2: on the podcast a lot about like existential crisises and
Speaker 2: thinking about death and thinking about eternity and thinking about
Speaker 2: the big questions and really, like you know, I had
Speaker 2: a whole period of time for most of this year.
Speaker 2: I feel, I fucking feel great now. I feel the
Speaker 2: best I ever have. But for most of this year,
Speaker 2: I felt like I was in outer space and I
Speaker 2: took my helmet off and I had to be directly
Speaker 2: confronted with the these like big questions. And I thought
Speaker 2: about like God, and I thought about, yeah, these big
Speaker 2: questions of eternity and death and nothingness and and and whatnot.
Speaker 2: And I I've become increasingly increasingly agnostic because I think that, like, well,
Speaker 2: I think that God and the idea of like like
Speaker 2: the idea of like submission, like what you just said
Speaker 2: when you talked about like God's plan, you know, and
Speaker 2: submitting to God's plan and letting go I whether or
Speaker 2: not I'm I'm not a I'm not a Christian, and
Speaker 2: I don't think I believe in any sort of like like,
Speaker 2: I don't I don't think there's like a dude in
Speaker 2: a heaven necessarily. But gain again, I'm becoming becoming I'm
Speaker 2: becoming further further agnostic towards the idea of there being
Speaker 2: some kind of like unseen plain or dimension or it
Speaker 2: could all just be you know, I don't know. Yeah,
Speaker 2: but anyway, anyway, God's plan, right, okay, And this is
Speaker 2: And by the way, if you're listening to this and
Speaker 2: you're like, what the FI, don't there's no God or whatever,
Speaker 2: it's like, that's not You're not It's not the point.
Speaker 2: It's not about a physical God. There is. Logically, God's
Speaker 2: plan in the sense of the universe continues to march forward,
Speaker 2: not with any kind of like a gentic plan made
Speaker 2: by a God, but it marches forward.
Speaker 1: And you, you, and.
Speaker 2: You and you and you are on it. And it
Speaker 2: contains an unfathomable bull amount of uncertainty. And I think
Speaker 2: God and God's plan is an allegory for that uncertainty, Okay,
Speaker 2: And so there's something to be said about submitting yourself
Speaker 2: to that uncertainty a ka in your case as a Christian,
Speaker 2: submitting yourself to to God's plan. And I think there's something, uh,
Speaker 2: extremely peaceful about that. And I almost think that the
Speaker 2: the crisis. Also, some people never have the crisis. They
Speaker 2: just never have it. I don't know how you live
Speaker 2: on this fucking planet and you never have the crisis,
Speaker 2: but some people.
Speaker 5: Never have it.
Speaker 2: You're blessed, You're You're blessed enough truly to be endowed
Speaker 2: with the gift of the realization of the of the
Speaker 2: of the insane cosmic predicament that you're in. Yeah, and
Speaker 2: it's it's diabolically uncomfortable. It's diabolically uncomfortable. And when I
Speaker 2: was in it, I thought I was going to have
Speaker 2: to kill myself. I thought, I thought, but there was
Speaker 2: no return back to you know, eating a slice of
Speaker 2: pizza and talking about a movie I just saw. You know,
Speaker 2: I thought there was no return. And I since feel
Speaker 2: very returned. I since feel even more at harmony with
Speaker 2: you know, the the fucking matrix or whatever that we're
Speaker 2: living in that we have are uncertain about if you
Speaker 2: know it's it's real. And I can speak on that
Speaker 2: as my personal experience, and I'll say that what people
Speaker 2: are saying in that separated about submission to God's plan.
Speaker 2: And again people get all crazy about like religion and stuff,
Speaker 2: and it's like, you don't have you don't have to
Speaker 2: believe in God to know to like submit to God's plan.
Speaker 2: If you believe God's plan is just an allegory for
Speaker 2: the uncertainty that we have about in the universe, like
Speaker 2: consciousness and eternity and where we you know, uh uh
Speaker 2: how we're able to do all the amazing fucking things
Speaker 2: that we do as conscious beings. But I think it's uncomfortable,
Speaker 2: but you kind of gradually learn to submit yourself to it,
Speaker 2: and uh there's a lot of love and realizing that
Speaker 2: everyone you're in the same unfathomable cosmic predicament as every
Speaker 2: single other living thing and person around you, and you're
Speaker 2: all going to submit together as this collective consciousness and
Speaker 2: it's it's it's kind of beautiful and it's going to
Speaker 2: be whatever it is, and you're not alone. You're the
Speaker 2: universe experiencing itself and you'll be okay, and then you
Speaker 2: can go, uh, you know, fucking watch a movie and
Speaker 2: jack off. I know you're trying to not jack off,
Speaker 2: but you know.
Speaker 1: Yeah, let's not let's not do that.
Speaker 3: No, but I completely understand what you're saying, Like I
Speaker 3: feel like, whether or not you believe or not, you're
Speaker 3: still on this fucking train man, You're you're still marching
Speaker 3: towards the end.
Speaker 2: And so for me, I'm sorry. I mean, it's not
Speaker 2: about it's not about I don't know if it's about belief.
Speaker 2: I think it's about submission.
Speaker 3: Yeah, well it's like whatever, Like yeah, that makes sense,
Speaker 3: Like what whatever it is you have to submit.
Speaker 1: To the train.
Speaker 2: Yes, you have to submit to the.
Speaker 3: Trarain is continually going forward, and then you're just whenever
Speaker 3: you're done, whatever happens. It's like, okay, like you you
Speaker 3: made it to the end of that train ride.
Speaker 2: And there's also sorry, go ahead.
Speaker 5: One of you.
Speaker 1: No, you're good.
Speaker 3: I was just gonna say for me, it's like it's
Speaker 3: kind of cool like you and I both in the
Speaker 3: general sense, have had the same you know, like like
Speaker 3: you were saying, like the I don't know how people
Speaker 3: get through life without having this happen to them. Yeah,
Speaker 3: but it's like for you that brought you to even
Speaker 3: more of going like, Okay, well I'm not gonna I
Speaker 3: don't think there's any like, you know, God in heaven,
Speaker 3: you know type of a thing is just God is
Speaker 3: like the universe, which is nuts because that's actually like
Speaker 3: directly what my brother believes. For me, it's pushed me
Speaker 3: more into it and that makes sense. Yeah, it's like
Speaker 3: gnarly because it's like I'm more uncomfortable as I go on,
Speaker 3: but it's like I do find that sense of peace
Speaker 3: of like I'll watch a movie or whatever and I've
Speaker 3: it's like I almost break the fourth wall in the
Speaker 3: movie and I'm like, oh, yeah, that's just an actor.
Speaker 1: That's house. Are gonna die? Yep, you know yep.
Speaker 3: And so it's like all of us, we're we're the
Speaker 3: entire generation that we are all living in. It's like
Speaker 3: in one hundred and fifty years we're all gone. There
Speaker 3: will be a complete new cycle of new people that
Speaker 3: will be on there.
Speaker 2: Yep.
Speaker 3: It's weird.
Speaker 2: It's not it's not. It's it's what's your name again, Malachi, Malachi?
Speaker 2: I think you have I still have existential crisises, and
Speaker 2: I'm not like, uh uh, I'm figuring this out with
Speaker 2: you as I'm trying to gain greater clarity on it.
Speaker 2: But I've been thinking about it a lot lately, and
Speaker 2: I think that there is there's a so because you're
Speaker 2: you know what it is. Part of is is like
Speaker 2: your there's a sense of like ego, I think, and
Speaker 2: I have. I have tons of ego for sure, and
Speaker 2: I and I care a lot about like what I'm
Speaker 2: ex experiencing is my own life, especially when I'm not
Speaker 2: especially when I'm not you know, having esoteric conversations and
Speaker 2: I'm just going about my and I'm deeply entrenched in
Speaker 2: the fucking matrix in my day to day, which is
Speaker 2: ninety five percent of the time. But there's something truly
Speaker 2: extremely peaceful because I assume that's what your mind and
Speaker 2: body want, is peace, because you know it's such a
Speaker 2: deeply uncomfortable position. But you'll find I think you can
Speaker 2: find peace in like probably two things, which is one
Speaker 2: is deciding like on the on the ego side of
Speaker 2: the spectrum, is like deciding what is going to give
Speaker 2: you meaning and progression in your own experience of your
Speaker 2: own life, which you talked about already because you were like,
Speaker 2: I like, that's what I like about my life. You're like,
Speaker 2: I built this thing with my life. I'm building this career.
Speaker 2: I that's you know, have heaven sucks ass. It's like
Speaker 2: the game is on, you know, one hundred completion. I
Speaker 2: want to play the fucking game. You're enjoying playing the game.
Speaker 2: So that's good, that's real. That's that's that's where you
Speaker 2: find uh peace on the one part, in the ego part,
Speaker 2: and then on the uh on the flipping on the
Speaker 2: on the uh on the whole thing of like, oh,
Speaker 2: I have to at some point relinquish my ego and die.
Speaker 2: There's something extremely beautiful about submitting to about coming to
Speaker 2: complete terms with the fact that, uh, the world you
Speaker 2: live in is unfathomably beyond you and bigger than you,
Speaker 2: and UH, when you've come face to face with that,
Speaker 2: there's actually a lot of peace in there. I think
Speaker 2: there's a lot of peace in I'm gonna I'm gonna
Speaker 2: just die, dude, and and everything else that's beyond me.
Speaker 2: I served my own purpose that I created within the
Speaker 2: framework of my ego by fucking uh loving my wife
Speaker 2: or raising kids or starting a podcast, or playing Tic
Speaker 2: tac toe or eating a sandwich, and or just or
Speaker 2: just living or just purely just existing. It's fine fucking too.
Speaker 2: And I served my own little the part of that
Speaker 2: I could control within like my ego state. And then
Speaker 2: and then outside of that, I'm just everything beyond that,
Speaker 2: uh is I I fucking accept to be beyond me
Speaker 2: and I submit to it. And there's peace in that.
Speaker 2: I think people want to I don't. I don't get
Speaker 2: why everyone wants to be in control of things all
Speaker 2: the time. You're searching for control. You have control of it,
Speaker 2: you have you have I mean, this is when you
Speaker 2: this is when we start getting into like politics and
Speaker 2: economics and what not. Is in the ego part is
Speaker 2: like how much control do I have over the the
Speaker 2: part of the matrix that I live in, right, And
Speaker 2: that's when you get into That's when you get into
Speaker 2: the politics and economics and whatnot, and that's its own thing.
Speaker 2: And then everything beyond that you but everything everything beyond
Speaker 2: that is you just have to submit yourself too, because
Speaker 2: it's not uh, it's just fucking beyond you. You have
Speaker 2: to submit yourself to it.
Speaker 3: Well, that's like one of the biggest things that the
Speaker 3: Bible does teach too, is like being content with everything
Speaker 3: and right now on earth, like existence as a whole.
Speaker 3: Like there's as a version that says like we return
Speaker 3: as dust, like as we've been made, you know, because
Speaker 3: we're just freaking dirt or part of the earth. Yeah,
Speaker 3: now the earth go back into it. And so it's, uh,
Speaker 3: that's totally makes sense.
Speaker 1: There's just like.
Speaker 3: There's a piece that happens when you just say, screw it,
Speaker 3: I am a little tiny ant on earth that nothing
Speaker 3: really matters. Everything matters. Why not just like eat a
Speaker 3: freaking cheese steak and watch TV with my wife, Like
Speaker 3: why am I worrying about this?
Speaker 5: You know.
Speaker 2: It's it's very funny and interesting to hear you say
Speaker 2: that your existential crisses and realizations and questionings have brought
Speaker 2: you deeper into Christianity. It makes a lot of sense,
Speaker 2: especially when you're reading the book that says like you know,
Speaker 2: from dust to dust. Then you're like, that makes fucking sense,
Speaker 2: and it's probably why Christianity is still I mean it's like,
Speaker 2: I mean, how old. I guess Christianity is technically twenty
Speaker 2: twenty five years old?
Speaker 1: Right? Yeah? No, yeah, I think okay.
Speaker 2: I mean that's why it stood the test of time
Speaker 2: is because it has this like framework of uh answers
Speaker 2: to great questions. It's been unfortunately, it's got a bad
Speaker 2: rap because it's been unfortunately co opted into like for
Speaker 2: like lots of like horrible stupid things that take it
Speaker 2: so deeply, deeply far away from the.
Speaker 3: Yeah, no there, and that's I know exactly what you're
Speaker 3: talking about, unfortunately, And that's the thing that sucks is
Speaker 3: that like for you, for instance, it's like if there
Speaker 3: was anyone else that was you know, like that, they
Speaker 3: can't really have a conversation with other people. They're like,
Speaker 3: you have to believe in this. But like my brother,
Speaker 3: for instance, he believes exactly what you're saying. He's you
Speaker 3: guys are I would like to see that conversation. But
Speaker 3: it's like, shut up, just let people be human. Like
Speaker 3: there is literally averse saying, don't have freaking stupid arguments,
Speaker 3: Like if you're gonna tell any and about me, tell
Speaker 3: them peacefully and then leave them the hell alone. And
Speaker 3: it's like that makes the most sense. Like it's like
Speaker 3: why am I gonna like one of my best friends,
Speaker 3: I brought him to church last week he came out
Speaker 3: as gay to me, but he was like, yeah, I
Speaker 3: want to go to church. I'm like cool, sick. I
Speaker 3: like brought him over. I was like, how is things
Speaker 3: and he's like good, He's like I just want to
Speaker 3: check with out. I'm like cool, have a good night.
Speaker 3: You know, like like why why am why are you
Speaker 3: gonna it sucks?
Speaker 5: Right?
Speaker 6: No?
Speaker 5: Right?
Speaker 2: The ethos of the thing is like a submission, and
Speaker 2: it's like a fucking submission and acceptance of what is,
Speaker 2: and then to use it to like make people like
Speaker 2: feel bad about being gay is like is uh is stupid?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 3: No, Like I had a conversation with him. I was like,
Speaker 3: so with you going here, I was like, that doesn't
Speaker 3: change anything. I'm assuming. He's like, nope, absolutely not. He's
Speaker 3: like I just wanted to check it out. I'm like cool, man, like,
Speaker 3: it's not my place to tell anyone. And even more so,
Speaker 3: it's like that's so stupid. In the Bible, it says
Speaker 3: multiple times like God is the only judge. Why the
Speaker 3: heck are you judging people? Like like it's just and
Speaker 3: then you push them into the sense of existential threat.
Speaker 2: Yeah again, No, I totally. I I from having an
Speaker 2: existential crisis. I get why why it brings you closer,
Speaker 2: but it brought me close to God. It just as
Speaker 2: an it's just as an allegory, like it's a fucking allegory,
Speaker 2: you know, like God. And I've always thought it was
Speaker 2: an allegory. I don't I know, and I don't know
Speaker 2: what your belief is, but like it's not a I
Speaker 2: don't know if I believe in it as like a
Speaker 2: fairy tale. I don't know if there's like a a
Speaker 2: unilateral force or like a higher being or like a God,
Speaker 2: like a you know, a god God. But God as
Speaker 2: an allegory for the answer. God is an allegory for
Speaker 2: then the unknown and the yeah, you know, and at
Speaker 2: all it's it's it's it's funny because it's, uh, it's
Speaker 2: this all this conversation we're having. It sounds a little woo,
Speaker 2: but it's also really not. It's really like grounded in
Speaker 2: the acceptance of the unknown, which is like empirically unknown. Yeah,
Speaker 2: and we don't even know if it can we and
Speaker 2: they and part of part of the undude, the part
Speaker 2: of the unknown is it's unknown if the unknown can
Speaker 2: become known?
Speaker 1: Yeah, man, it's God.
Speaker 2: I know this. I I get. I get where you're
Speaker 2: coming from, man, because this conversation it just really makes
Speaker 2: me want to fucking jerk off and watch a lot
Speaker 2: of porn and and zone out. You know, I get
Speaker 2: you you're struggling with Tell me more about the tell
Speaker 2: me more about the porn thing if you want ship Yeah.
Speaker 3: Oh god, okay, yeah no, that's a that's a loaded question.
Speaker 3: I don't know how time we have, but.
Speaker 2: We have as much as much time as you have.
Speaker 3: Okay, No, man, I just I grew up with a
Speaker 3: lot of really messed up things happening to me. I'd say,
Speaker 3: like I my parents, my dad was gosh, I'm really
Speaker 3: gonna have to be careful.
Speaker 1: Who I show this to if you end up posting it.
Speaker 2: But I will. I just want to let you know
Speaker 2: because I I I am going to post this as
Speaker 2: a podcast. This is I'm gonna post the podcast, and
Speaker 2: so like for real, you like, if there's things that
Speaker 2: you don't want to share, you don't want to talk about,
Speaker 2: or you don't want to you know, get too deep
Speaker 2: in like don't feel like you have to, or we
Speaker 2: we can we can just bullshit. It's totally whatever as
Speaker 2: much or as little as you want to fucking talk
Speaker 2: about it as you want.
Speaker 3: No, I'm I'm I'm down to talk. It's more so
Speaker 3: like I really I don't have a good relationship with
Speaker 3: my father, but I mean I'm not gonna like show
Speaker 3: him Hey I was a look you know anyway way, Yeah,
Speaker 3: I'm good my dad. My dad was like a crazy, deadbeat,
Speaker 3: drunk dad growing up, and so a lot of stuff
Speaker 3: slipped the cracks when I was growing up, and like
Speaker 3: I've been like sexually touched a lot when I was
Speaker 3: growing up, from like friends and crap. And then my
Speaker 3: dad he like I remember vividly like watching him throw
Speaker 3: wine bottles across my kitchen into the bathroom at my
Speaker 3: mom and crap like that.
Speaker 1: And so.
Speaker 3: Over time, like I realized that I wasn't really getting
Speaker 3: a lot of love at all, and so I feel
Speaker 3: like I tried to search for the best way that
Speaker 3: I knew how to, which growing up was sexually. And
Speaker 3: so I started, like, like I want to say, because
Speaker 3: I lost my virginity when I was fifteen, and I
Speaker 3: think I was in eighth grade, and so it was
Speaker 3: like from there, I was just kind of like whatever
Speaker 3: says goes, you know, like it doesn't matter. I'm just
Speaker 3: trying to find those one off experiences over and over
Speaker 3: and over again. And so it was probably for like
Speaker 3: my eighth grades through like three fourths of high school,
Speaker 3: I just kind of looked for sex wherever it was,
Speaker 3: and if someone wanted to do it, then I was like, Okay, sure,
Speaker 3: I'm down. And it made me feel good about myself
Speaker 3: and it made me feel like I was like loved
Speaker 3: and people actually liked me and that I wasn't some
Speaker 3: like weirdo dude that was just hanging about. And I
Speaker 3: think that really pulled into like pornography as well. And
Speaker 3: so it's like to this day, like I struggled pretty
Speaker 3: badly with like what I would say is temptation on it,
Speaker 3: and it's like something that my wife and I have been,
Speaker 3: you know, we talk about and you know, if I
Speaker 3: mess up, it sucks, and my wife and I go
Speaker 3: through like what I can do better next time, And
Speaker 3: I feel like, regardless of you know, belief or whatever,
Speaker 3: I feel like it definitely like pornography itself has a
Speaker 3: can have a very detrimental impact on your mind. You know,
Speaker 3: like it's like the idea of like Instagram and doom scrolling.
Speaker 3: You you have a new source of material and content
Speaker 3: every five seconds, and it's like with pornography, you have
Speaker 3: a new source of do you know what color hair
Speaker 3: and who and why? And it's just like you don't get.
Speaker 2: Well, I'm curious about this, and I've completely one hundred percent.
Speaker 2: And I think a lot of people, you know, I
Speaker 2: only know it from the male side, but I assume
Speaker 2: both men and women. A lot of people, yeah, are
Speaker 2: like can relate to you on the road of like
Speaker 2: constantly seeking like like novel sexual experiences as a way
Speaker 2: to like like gain self esteem, you know. I mean,
Speaker 2: it's it's it's a it's a huge classic. I'm curious though,
Speaker 2: how that manifests itself in porn, because yeah, novel sexual
Speaker 2: experiences definitely give you that like short term self esteem boost.
Speaker 2: But I don't I've never experienced porn doing that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I really don't know how to, I guess. Let
Speaker 3: me try to fathom and figure out like how I
Speaker 3: don't know how to explain it. I guess like for me,
Speaker 3: I grew up like always kind of chebby and I
Speaker 3: don't know why. But like growing up I've had like
Speaker 3: my brother or you know, people and friends tell me stuff.
Speaker 3: And so when my brother I have two brothers, when
Speaker 3: my other brother ended up committing suicide, and like the
Speaker 3: idea of death really set in and then the existentialism,
Speaker 3: so I think everything that ties into itself too. But
Speaker 3: it was like, I'm going to die, and it's like,
Speaker 3: what's the first thing that everyone's been telling me that
Speaker 3: like I can't die about. And it's like, oh, well,
Speaker 3: if you're overweight, then you know you're going to have
Speaker 3: a heart attack or whatever. And so it's like I
Speaker 3: feel like the overweight side of it. It was like
Speaker 3: if I'm watching porn, I don't have to, you know,
Speaker 3: like be all sweaty and breathing hard over some person
Speaker 3: that I'm attracted to.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 3: It's like I just get the it's a little selfish.
Speaker 3: I just get the good parts of it, like the
Speaker 3: parts that make me feel good and like, you know,
Speaker 3: the dopamine that releases. No one has to see me
Speaker 3: gross and naked and that's cool, you know. And so
Speaker 3: I guess for me growing up, it was like, yeah,
Speaker 3: it was like there was a sense of comfortability within
Speaker 3: that where it's like no one knows that I'm doing this.
Speaker 3: I can do it whenever I want to just feel
Speaker 3: a little better and like and it's like like I
Speaker 3: was saying, like you anything you want, it's there, like
Speaker 3: the flick of your fingertips. Online is crazy. You can
Speaker 3: look up anything and it's just there. And so.
Speaker 1: I guess that would be like the best way I
Speaker 1: can explain that.
Speaker 2: I'd say, yes, yes, well, I mean, yeah, it's it's
Speaker 2: everything that you want and you don't have to involve
Speaker 2: another person in it, and it can just be quick,
Speaker 2: easy and give you the same you know, keep the
Speaker 2: train of whatever it is you were searching for going.
Speaker 2: But yeah, yeah, interesting, So how do you how do you? Uh,
Speaker 2: what's your wife's take on it?
Speaker 3: My wife, I mean, like I said, we're both Christians,
Speaker 3: so the there's a very big idea of you know,
Speaker 3: no sexual immorality and so it's pretty gnarly. Like I
Speaker 3: went from doing a lot of stuff with a lot
Speaker 3: of people too, I went to church, I found my wife,
Speaker 3: and my wife was a virgin and she like told me,
Speaker 3: you know, absolutely not, We're gonna get married and do
Speaker 3: things like the the way that you're supposed to. And
Speaker 3: I said, okay, cool, that sounds.
Speaker 1: Good with me.
Speaker 3: So we went through like our entire relationship where together
Speaker 3: for a year and a half before we got married,
Speaker 3: and then you know, everything happened to her. But along
Speaker 3: that ride of the year and a half, obviously an
Speaker 3: abstaining through like no sex and trying to do no porn, there.
Speaker 1: Was a lot of.
Speaker 3: Sucky conversations and things that would you know.
Speaker 1: Hurt her a lot.
Speaker 3: Obviously. I've tried to explain, you know, like I guess
Speaker 3: how how I feel with it, and that it really
Speaker 3: doesn't have anything to do with her. But dide, I
Speaker 3: honestly could just like ask her and put her on
Speaker 3: the phone.
Speaker 2: We can, we can, we can, we can leave her
Speaker 2: out of it. But can I ask you? I want
Speaker 2: to ask you another thing. Uh, why do you believe
Speaker 2: that there is inherent morality in uh sexuality?
Speaker 3: I don't think there's an inherent in sexuality itself. I
Speaker 3: think it's I think, you know, like, sexuality is obviously
Speaker 3: a gift from God. But I do believe that the
Speaker 3: gift from God is for your person that you marry,
Speaker 3: and it makes things like logically, if you're thinking about
Speaker 3: this people as a whole, like I grew up with,
Speaker 3: you know, my dad and my mom you know, had
Speaker 3: sex before marriage and then they ended up having my brother,
Speaker 3: which my brother is awesome, but it pulled them into
Speaker 3: they felt coerced and forced to be in a marriage
Speaker 3: that really did not work out, and my dad ended
Speaker 3: up becoming very abusive and drunk. And it's like.
Speaker 2: Well, that's like your parents felt coerced into a marriage
Speaker 2: by the fact that they reproduced.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and so well.
Speaker 2: But but but I'm asking about like uh like like
Speaker 2: like like take reproduction out of it, you know what
Speaker 2: I mean, Like where where is the inherent? Where do
Speaker 2: you see inherent? Where do you see immorality in because like, okay, wa,
Speaker 2: Actually I'm curious about this, right, Like I know a
Speaker 2: lot of Christians try to, like you know, they try
Speaker 2: to like fucking like like ban birth control or condoms
Speaker 2: or you know all that, and like why why is that? Where?
Speaker 2: Where is the what's the logic behind that?
Speaker 1: I would say that I have a.
Speaker 3: Condoms and birth control itself.
Speaker 1: I don't have.
Speaker 3: Any direct personally, I don't have any beliefs on I've
Speaker 3: used both, so I don't have any like negatives against that.
Speaker 3: I would say, like I do have a particular idea
Speaker 3: but like behind like abortion itself, but that's obviously political,
Speaker 3: and so I don't know, ah, how much conversation that
Speaker 3: we can have on that.
Speaker 2: Well well well listen, listen, listen. Well let's talk about
Speaker 2: I just like like I mean sex, It's like why,
Speaker 2: like what's the immorality behind like just have like I
Speaker 2: I because I'm I'm I think like with Christianity again,
Speaker 2: like as an allegory for attempting to face and understand
Speaker 2: and deal with the things that are unknown, makes a
Speaker 2: lot of sense to me. But I think that like
Speaker 2: there's certain things like, uh, there's certain things that are known, right,
Speaker 2: which is that human beings are where our brains are
Speaker 2: wired for us to just be crazy fuck machines and
Speaker 2: like have sex all the time and like be like
Speaker 2: so like it's like so so when someone like is
Speaker 2: out like having sex with a bunch of people, like, yeah,
Speaker 2: that makes that makes sense according to the empirical data
Speaker 2: that we have on just the human brain, you know
Speaker 2: what I mean, So like what is the what is
Speaker 2: the the the the I guess the the philosophical opposition
Speaker 2: to that.
Speaker 3: No, yeah, I would just say very much that very
Speaker 3: much is determined, just like just off the belief itself.
Speaker 3: It's kind of like you you either feel it's like
Speaker 3: two sides of a quint. Yeah, they feel like it's
Speaker 3: like why, why, what's the wrong with me, you know,
Speaker 3: doing this with this person and then going and doing
Speaker 3: this with this person, or it's or it's like me
Speaker 3: where I feel like I went from that and then changed,
Speaker 3: you know, halfway through and then said no, I'm gonna
Speaker 3: like try and practice celibacy and do that for my wife.
Speaker 3: And I would say, at least for me from a
Speaker 3: personal sense, the when I was going around and doing
Speaker 3: everything I was doing and being safe with it obviously,
Speaker 3: but you lose a sense of sitting down with someone,
Speaker 3: I feel like for a long time. And I mean like,
Speaker 3: I know people in relationships are like, Okay, well we
Speaker 3: have sex before marriage, and I that's cool. But I
Speaker 3: feel like the idea of marriage first really brings in,
Speaker 3: like you are committed to this individual's totally Yeah.
Speaker 2: I mean there's I think that, Yeah, if that's the
Speaker 2: way that you want to run it, I think it's
Speaker 2: totally legitimate. I think there's there's there's definitely something to that,
Speaker 2: for sure. I think there's definitely something to that I
Speaker 2: don't Yeah, I don't know. I don't know.
Speaker 3: This is again, it's a loaded one for me too,
Speaker 3: because I've like I've been on both sides of it,
Speaker 3: you know, and so it's like I only can explain
Speaker 3: personally how changing has made me feel significantly better about myself.
Speaker 3: And you know, like I have my one person, I
Speaker 3: have my wife that is like well and.
Speaker 2: So well, this is well, this is the beauty of
Speaker 2: the world that we live in. And also part of
Speaker 2: the thing, one of one thing I've been thinking about
Speaker 2: a lot lately is like, isn't it so fascinating that
Speaker 2: different lifestyles and different philosophies and uh, you know, different
Speaker 2: lifestyles and philosophies achieve different results in different people. You know. Yeah,
Speaker 2: So i' mean, look, you went from, right, you went
Speaker 2: from us letting it up around town to you know,
Speaker 2: being a nice, married Christian man, and it seems as
Speaker 2: though that is serving you and that's great. And then look,
Speaker 2: there's probably fucking people who you know, became did the
Speaker 2: opposite way from you, right, and that's serving them. And
Speaker 2: that's actually one of the things I that's one of
Speaker 2: the unknowns about life that I find truly fascinating is
Speaker 2: that we do live in this world where all of
Speaker 2: our consciousnesses are all wired differently and require different solutions
Speaker 2: and different philosophies and different ways of being to be
Speaker 2: compatible with them. I find that interesting. And I guess
Speaker 2: the where things you know, I guess I guess where
Speaker 2: people get pissed off at Christians is way or we're
Speaker 2: honestly not even christ I'm not even Gonnay. I don't
Speaker 2: want say Chritians or people get pissed off at really
Speaker 2: anyone is where they attempt to espouse the philosophy or
Speaker 2: the ideology that worked for them to be the one
Speaker 2: true God. Like the idea of the one true God
Speaker 2: is I think kind of douchey, because there's no if
Speaker 2: there There can't we if we have such different wirings
Speaker 2: in our consciousnesses such that you know, you can you
Speaker 2: can be in a pollocule with five people and have
Speaker 2: a rock and time uh. And you can also have
Speaker 2: you know, the one person that you are is the
Speaker 2: only person you have sex with uh forever and you
Speaker 2: ever you have a rock and time doing that? You know?
Speaker 2: Can there can there really be a a one true anything?
Speaker 2: You can only really stand humbly before. I think. I
Speaker 2: don't know. I guess you can only really stand humbly
Speaker 2: before everyone and be like, hey, this is what I
Speaker 2: think and what worked for me, and then period. And
Speaker 2: then once you start being like, well, everyone should be polyamorous,
Speaker 2: or everyone should be wait until marriage to have sex,
Speaker 2: or everyone should be straight, or everyone should be this
Speaker 2: or that is where you start pissing people off, because
Speaker 2: that's that's incompatible with the world we live in.
Speaker 3: You know, yeah, well that's that's absolutely true. I feel
Speaker 3: like like, at least for me, if my beliefs like
Speaker 3: I'm one.
Speaker 1: I just I don't.
Speaker 3: I wouldn't even say I feel like I'm religious. I
Speaker 3: feel like a lot of religion, like you were saying,
Speaker 3: says to do things. I feel like what I believe
Speaker 3: in is like I feel like someone's explained this to
Speaker 3: you before, but I just like, I just follow Jesus Man.
Speaker 3: I do what I read the Bible and I hear
Speaker 3: what it says, and I try to do that as
Speaker 3: much as possible. But the idea behind that is that,
Speaker 3: like at least in Romans how it explains you, you
Speaker 3: are going to want to do the things that your
Speaker 3: carnal nation, like your your flesh and what like you
Speaker 3: were saying like we're machines, like we're we absolutely are.
Speaker 3: You're going to want to do what your body is
Speaker 3: just wanting to do, and if that makes you feel good,
Speaker 3: then I mean that makes you feel good, and you're
Speaker 3: going to do it either way. I'm not here to
Speaker 3: tell you one way or the other. You know what
Speaker 3: you should be doing. What I am going to say
Speaker 3: is that at least from my change and what I've felt,
Speaker 3: there's a crazy great sense of peace beyond what I've
Speaker 3: felt with anything else. That it's like mastering one's self.
Speaker 3: That's like the idea of going into your carnal nature
Speaker 3: and just freaking I.
Speaker 2: Go, oh yeah, sure, sure, I get I get what
Speaker 2: you mean. I get what you mean. I get what
Speaker 2: you mean.
Speaker 1: You're not a hedonist, not gonna lie.
Speaker 3: I don't know what that means.
Speaker 2: Heist is like, Okay, so you're you. You You get
Speaker 2: off upon the idea that you possess this higher human
Speaker 2: consciousness that can wrangle and maintain and overcome and usurped
Speaker 2: the pleasures of the flesh that are that that your
Speaker 2: consciousness is is is uh a prison to in in
Speaker 2: your physical human body. You know the temptations of fucking,
Speaker 2: uh laughy taffy and and uh, marijuana and porn and
Speaker 2: and but but you have this like higher human consciousness
Speaker 2: that is attempting to break free from the flesh prison.
Speaker 2: And you believe that, uh you you you can and
Speaker 2: you will over overcome and usurped the Yeah, the cardinal
Speaker 2: pleasures or whatever. Yeah, audenis a hedonist would would would
Speaker 2: say the opposite. A hedonist would go, Actually, the cardinal
Speaker 2: desires is the one true God, and the cardinal desires
Speaker 2: are to be are to be indulged and enjoyed. And
Speaker 2: that's we were put up. We are our our biology,
Speaker 2: our instincts are correct. My instincts are telling me too,
Speaker 2: to fuck as much as possible, and to eat as
Speaker 2: much as possible, and to to to uh do this
Speaker 2: and do That's what my biological is. This, My body
Speaker 2: is fucking telling me to do. It's it's real, it's here,
Speaker 2: it's present, it's voices must be correct, and therefore I
Speaker 2: must indulge. And you know what, the hedonist and the
Speaker 2: the the hedonist and the Christian, they both die never
Speaker 2: knowing if they both died never knowing which one of
Speaker 2: them was right. I guess they both have some intuitive
Speaker 2: sense of how their lifestyle. They both have some intuitive
Speaker 2: sense whether or not there. They both have some intuitive
Speaker 2: sense of whether or not their lifestyle is working for them,
Speaker 2: and occasionally they have varying levels of being in tune
Speaker 2: with whether or not there. Yeah, their lifestyle is working
Speaker 2: for them. But yeah, that's why I'm That's why the
Speaker 2: more I think about the world and life and shit,
Speaker 2: I just become more agnostic because there's so many people
Speaker 2: in so many variables, and it's all too complex, and
Speaker 2: so I submit to it and I play Mario Kart
Speaker 2: and I have a good time. What's your what's your
Speaker 2: what's your name? Malachi?
Speaker 1: Yeah? Three.
Speaker 2: I hope you're doing okay, man. I know it's really
Speaker 2: uncomfortable to be thinking about all this stuff all the time.
Speaker 2: I hope you joined the living. I hope you. I
Speaker 2: want you to know something I thought I was and
Speaker 2: who knows what the future is like for me. But
Speaker 2: I've only felt great for like a little over a month.
Speaker 2: But the fact I I I thought I was never
Speaker 2: going to be able to live a life beyond that discomfort,
Speaker 2: and now I, at least for the past month, I have,
Speaker 2: and so I I sincerely wish you a lot of
Speaker 2: uh uh hope and uh you know a lot of
Speaker 2: love in uh returning back to a version of your
Speaker 2: life where you don't feel in such great discomfort and
Speaker 2: that you even feel grateful for the discomfort you went through.
Speaker 3: Yes, I feel like I'm on I'm on the I
Speaker 3: feel like I'm coming around it, Like I definitely like
Speaker 3: I've almost tried to dive into my fear to overcome it,
Speaker 3: if that makes sense. So I'm definitely I'm getting there.
Speaker 3: I'm getting to the idea of, like you know, I'm
Speaker 3: gonna do what I feel like in my beliefs and
Speaker 3: try to be the best person as possible.
Speaker 1: But also like.
Speaker 3: I am an aunt, I also just wanted to play
Speaker 3: Mario Kart and eat a freaking bag of doritosood so.
Speaker 2: Well, which everyone you choose? I wish you good luck, Thanks, Grek.
Speaker 2: Is there anything else you want to say? The people
Speaker 2: the computer before we.
Speaker 3: Go, Everyone says they're not prepared for this, and I
Speaker 3: totally wasn't prepared.
Speaker 1: For this, But.
Speaker 2: You don't have to, Like, you can say no, you
Speaker 2: can say no.
Speaker 3: Well, I feel like I want to say yes, but
Speaker 3: like I want a shameless plug. I'm a photographer, but
Speaker 3: I also I hate doing that ship man, realistically, I
Speaker 3: hate I hate being like, hey, this person you know
Speaker 3: has people that could also see my stuff.
Speaker 2: But you can do it. Yeah, I don't care. You
Speaker 2: can do you can you can do whatever. You can
Speaker 2: do whatever you want, but I'm gonna give you fifteen
Speaker 2: seconds before I hang up on you.
Speaker 3: Okay, uh, limitless dot portraits. If you want to see
Speaker 3: some photos, I think that's cool. If not, I don't care.
Speaker 3: Ghek bless you, gak bless them.
Speaker 2: Thank you. Jeez, dear God, oh man, oh jeez, Rick.
Speaker 2: That was cool. I liked that conversation. That was interesting.
Speaker 2: It's hard to it's hard to have a podcast when
Speaker 2: you're agnostic.
Speaker 1: You have to.
Speaker 2: Fucking whatever. Even even agnostics is a label, you know
Speaker 2: what I mean. If you're truly agnostic, you can't even
Speaker 2: you can't fucking be anything. It's hard because I feel
Speaker 2: like having a podcast requires you to be very not agnostic.
Speaker 2: Like the top podcasters in the world, they just they
Speaker 2: just say stuff. You know, there's no question, there's no
Speaker 2: eternal questioning. You just gotta say stuff. Maybe I should
Speaker 2: start doing that, start saying things. I fully absolutely believe
Speaker 2: that there is a in afterlife where I can play
Speaker 2: Grand Theft Auto seven. No, I don't actually believe that,
Speaker 2: but if I'm lucky, I'll get to play Grand Theft
Speaker 2: Auto six. And I and and I by the way,
Speaker 2: through everything, and you guys who listen to the podcast,
Speaker 2: you guys know this, through everything, through all the existential whatever,
Speaker 2: the through all the oh the Matrix and the God's
Speaker 2: plan and blah blah blah, through everything. Who as long
Speaker 2: as I get to play Grand Theft Auto six, I
Speaker 2: don't give a fuck. Through everything, None of it matters.
Speaker 2: Burn all the bibles. I just want to play Grand
Speaker 2: Theft Auto six. That's all that matters. Hello, Hello, Hey,
Speaker 2: what's your name? Brother?
Speaker 1: Hey, my name's Quincy. Dude. I can't believe I've gone on.
Speaker 1: I've called you so many times.
Speaker 2: Quincy's a cool name. Quincy's like an old guy name,
Speaker 2: but you sound like a young guy.
Speaker 1: I am kind I like to think I'm still young.
Speaker 1: I'm twenty eight, but you know, getting up there, I let's.
Speaker 2: Talk about that. I'm twenty seven and I'm realizing that
Speaker 2: you don't go back. We're only going forward. We're only
Speaker 2: marching towards uh, you know whatever. And part of me
Speaker 2: is was I spent a long part of this year
Speaker 2: specifically being very terrified about that, but I'm coming to
Speaker 2: accept it. I when I walk around I've probably talked
Speaker 2: about this on the podcast a billion times already, but like,
Speaker 2: walking around in New York is fun because you see
Speaker 2: a lot of old people and they're they're living their
Speaker 2: lives and doing things, and you know, it's like I'll
Speaker 2: see like a fucking you know, guy in his fifties
Speaker 2: and he's you know, he's he's out there, he's doing
Speaker 2: his thing, he's living his life.
Speaker 1: So it's uh and hopefully that's gonna be you dude, hopefully.
Speaker 2: I hope. So, man, I hope. I'd love to make
Speaker 2: it the eighty. If I can make it the eighty,
Speaker 2: that would be cool, wouldn't it.
Speaker 1: I dude, Honestly, I don't know. I like see so
Speaker 1: many people that get to up that age like eighty. Honestly,
Speaker 1: mid sixties, mid to late sixties. It seems like that's
Speaker 1: when of all like the health stuff that's in and honestly,
Speaker 1: if if something could take me out before I hit
Speaker 1: like health issues to be sick.
Speaker 2: Really, I but what about like, uh, I don't know. Uh,
Speaker 2: what about mel Brooks? He's making space balls too, he's
Speaker 2: ninety something, he's hanging in there.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: What about the fucking the Six Flags guy? I know
Speaker 2: he's not real, but he's based off an idea.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you ain't lying, you ain't lying.
Speaker 2: What were you gonna say just now? Oh?
Speaker 1: I was just gonna say, like, is that guy in
Speaker 1: good health like mel Brooks? Is he in good health
Speaker 1: making this movie? Oh?
Speaker 2: He'sn't good enough. He's in good enough health. I guess.
Speaker 1: I guess I just don't want to like you know,
Speaker 1: you know, life can be difficult at a young age,
Speaker 1: you know, mentally difficult, like hopefully by the time I
Speaker 1: hit that that age, like I've pushed past all the
Speaker 1: mentally difficult things. But then like I feel like it's
Speaker 1: a slap in the face. You push past the mental
Speaker 1: things and then life just smacks you with physical.
Speaker 2: It's true. Yes, you can never escape conflict of any kind.
Speaker 2: You will always be pushing some sort of boulder up
Speaker 2: a hill.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Sadly, I mean not sadly.
Speaker 2: Not sadly, not so well, I mean theoretically not sadly
Speaker 2: if you're a fucking monk or whatever. You know the uh,
Speaker 2: you know the myth of Sisyphis. We've talked about it
Speaker 2: on the podcast before.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, okay, what that that's basically his punishment is
Speaker 1: just like always pushing that boulder uphill.
Speaker 2: He's always pushing a boulder up a hill, right, He's
Speaker 2: always pushing the Sisyphus. He did something to some guy
Speaker 2: and the thing guy made him push a boulder up
Speaker 2: a hill. And now, I mean that's I guess that's life,
Speaker 2: as you're constantly forced to push a boulder up a
Speaker 2: hill in some way, no matter who you are, because
Speaker 2: you are you're just you're a slave to the drudgery
Speaker 2: of the passage of time. But because pushed, But you
Speaker 2: gotta you gotta imagine that Sisyphus is happily engaging in
Speaker 2: the task of pushing the boulder up the hill. I
Speaker 2: only bring this up because I post I posted some
Speaker 2: clip about I don't know if people remember the firefighter
Speaker 2: who called in and talked about how.
Speaker 1: He uh the volunteer firefighter.
Speaker 2: Volunteer firefighter talked about how he lives life out of
Speaker 2: existential spite, where he said he He said he feels like
Speaker 2: Charlie Brown because Charlie Brown is always having optimism and
Speaker 2: then having his optimism return uh defeated, and then having
Speaker 2: optimistic again, and he's stuck in that cycle. I posted
Speaker 2: a clip somebody on YouTube shorts commented saying, one must
Speaker 2: imagine Charlie Brown as happy as a reference to one
Speaker 2: must imagine Sisyphus is happy. And I thought that was
Speaker 2: really funny. Anyway, Quincy, Quincy, what's up?
Speaker 3: Man?
Speaker 2: Is there something you called in? Do want to talk about?
Speaker 1: Honestly, dude, I've called them so many times. There's so
Speaker 1: many things that I'd like to talk about with you,
Speaker 1: But like I think, I just want to talk about
Speaker 1: what's going on today, please, Like I'm just I'm sitting
Speaker 1: at home. I'm actually tonight, I'm like hosting for like
Speaker 1: I don't know, ten to fifteen people, and I've like
Speaker 1: I've never hosted a single thing in my life, and like,
Speaker 1: I don't I don't know what it is. I don't
Speaker 1: like having people inside of my house. Like it's it's
Speaker 1: like my bubble, you know what I mean. So like
Speaker 1: inviting people inside of my home feels like this huge thing.
Speaker 2: Why are you doing it?
Speaker 1: So okay, why am I doing it? Because so not
Speaker 1: that long ago, me and my old lady met another
Speaker 1: couple that like they always invite us over to go
Speaker 1: do stuff, Like they always host stuff at their house.
Speaker 1: They always like to like invite us to go do stuff.
Speaker 1: So I kind of feel like I need to in
Speaker 1: some sense put effort into you know, this friendship that
Speaker 1: we have by inviting them into my home and you know,
Speaker 1: taking my turn hosting.
Speaker 2: But it's fifth why but you're not You're not having
Speaker 2: like a couple over for dinner. You know, you're doing
Speaker 2: like a fucking fifteen person party.
Speaker 1: Well yeah, yeah, See I have this issue with like
Speaker 1: I can't do anything, like I can't just like dip
Speaker 1: my toe into like we'll invite these people over. See
Speaker 1: how that goes. I have to do like the We'll
Speaker 1: invite a bunch of people over and then I'm gonna
Speaker 1: be stressed out on like but it'll be fine because
Speaker 1: because I know like once I do it, it'll be okay.
Speaker 1: But like it's just get to that point of actually
Speaker 1: doing it, And.
Speaker 2: Why what are you stressed out about?
Speaker 1: I don't know, they're like people in my house and
Speaker 1: like maybe they might let my cats out. Maybe they
Speaker 1: might judge the way that I live.
Speaker 2: Well fuck them if they judge the way that you live.
Speaker 2: Do you like these people that you're having in your house?
Speaker 1: Yeah? Absolutely do so?
Speaker 2: Then do you whantn't you enjoy having them over?
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm going to when it's actually happening,
Speaker 1: but the moment's leading up until you know, you have
Speaker 1: too much time to like think about stuff.
Speaker 2: Sure, sure, I don't understand this. This this makes no sense.
Speaker 2: You're having a party with a bunch of your friends.
Speaker 2: You should be excited.
Speaker 1: Well, Like, I don't want to make it sound like
Speaker 1: I'm not, because I am. But at the same time,
Speaker 1: I'm just like, I don't know. I guess I'm not
Speaker 1: always like the center of attention, and I feel like
Speaker 1: being that at at my house I have to like
Speaker 1: do the whole song and dance of like entertaining and stuff.
Speaker 2: What how does your wife feel about it?
Speaker 1: I think she is fine with it, Honestly, I don't
Speaker 1: think she cares much.
Speaker 2: Okay, well, uh, well, what kind of what kind of
Speaker 2: food are you going to have for these people?
Speaker 1: I'm uh, you know, doing the good old us a cookout,
Speaker 1: having you know hot hamburger.
Speaker 2: Oh, so you keep it everyone outside? This is an
Speaker 2: outside ordeal.
Speaker 1: Well, uh, that was the plan.
Speaker 2: But do you have a lot? Do you have a lot?
Speaker 2: Do you have a do you have a yard or
Speaker 2: a lawn or something?
Speaker 1: Yeah? I have like a small like backpath, Like it's
Speaker 1: not small. I have a back patio that's got like
Speaker 1: a backyard and stuff.
Speaker 2: So can you can you fit fifteen people in that
Speaker 2: back patio?
Speaker 5: Oh?
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, then here's what you do. This is okay,
Speaker 2: here's what you do. Don't fucking let anyone inside the house?
Speaker 2: Is can you get people? Can you get people to
Speaker 2: the yard without having to go through the house. Yes, okay, great,
Speaker 2: don't let anyone inside the house. Okay if they have
Speaker 2: to use the bathroom, then then sure, if they have
Speaker 2: to use the bathroom. But you guide people to the backyard,
Speaker 2: and then you focus only on the yard because right
Speaker 2: now you're stressed out about it. Oh, are they gonna
Speaker 2: let the cats out? Are they gonna h judge the
Speaker 2: crap I have on my walls? But you gotta maintain
Speaker 2: the sanctity of your home by not letting these people
Speaker 2: in it. You just focus on the yard. It'll take
Speaker 2: all your stress right now, your stress is permeating throughout
Speaker 2: the whole house. You only need to be stressed out
Speaker 2: about the yard. That makes sense, makes sense.
Speaker 1: You know what, it does make sense. But it was
Speaker 1: gonna be a nice day, but then you know, that
Speaker 1: kind of changed. So now it's a little damp outside,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean?
Speaker 2: How damp we talking?
Speaker 5: Uh?
Speaker 1: Right now it's not raining, but they are talking about thunderstorms.
Speaker 2: You're talking without thunderstorms.
Speaker 1: Yeah, does that mean I should cancel?
Speaker 2: I think you should. Well, I think that, I think that.
Speaker 2: I think I think that in combination with the fact
Speaker 2: that you really don't want to do it, means you
Speaker 2: should cancel. I think that, in combination with the fact
Speaker 2: that you're severely dreading this event, could be a good
Speaker 2: reason to cancel. Yeah, what's you gonna have everyone inside
Speaker 2: your fucking house while it's thunderstorming out?
Speaker 1: I mean, if it come, what will I do? Just
Speaker 1: be like? Yeah, sorry, guys, like you're gonna you either
Speaker 1: enjoy getting wet and eating food out some song et
Speaker 1: ass food outside.
Speaker 2: But bro, just can't just cancel the party if it's raining,
Speaker 2: you don't want to do it, What are you doing?
Speaker 2: Why do you just cancel the party? I gotta fucking
Speaker 2: some what I was gonna go to some party someone
Speaker 2: canceled the other week. It was fine, nothing bad happened.
Speaker 2: I forgot about it.
Speaker 1: How last minute cancelation was it?
Speaker 2: So it was maybe one or two days?
Speaker 1: Yeah? See this is like, you know, a couple like
Speaker 1: two hours.
Speaker 2: Wait, wait, this is happening in two hours?
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah, this is going down.
Speaker 2: It's fifteen people two hours. Ye yeah, Okay, I guess
Speaker 2: you can't really cancel it. I mean you can you go, yeah,
Speaker 2: you can do whatever you want. You know that, right,
Speaker 2: it's completely there's no point. No one cares. No one
Speaker 2: cares about you enough for your actions to matter in
Speaker 2: any real, genuine way, shape or for him. And you
Speaker 2: could say that about kind of anyone.
Speaker 1: Well yeah absolutely, maybe.
Speaker 2: Not really, I don't know. I just said that Eaven
Speaker 2: a little bit. You could probably be the like, I
Speaker 2: don't know, that's just that's just nihilism talking. But it's
Speaker 2: it's a little true. Quincy, Quincy, what do you? What
Speaker 2: do you? What's the food situation? Pizza cooking? Are you cooking?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 2: I'm cooking, like I got cooking for fifteen people you
Speaker 2: really like made this so much harder for yourself than
Speaker 2: I had to be.
Speaker 1: Well, you know, I like the I like to just
Speaker 1: torture myself a little bit at a time, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean.
Speaker 2: You were gonna say, you were gonna say you like
Speaker 2: to cook, in which case I'd be like, that's wonderful.
Speaker 2: But the other part do not?
Speaker 1: I do? I do? But I don't know, man, I
Speaker 1: say it's one of those things for like, I have
Speaker 1: anxiety about it. But I have always kind of wanted
Speaker 1: to be like that guy that's like, oh, come on in,
Speaker 1: come on over, and like I'll do We'll do stuff,
Speaker 1: hang out, like have a big bar, have a cook out,
Speaker 1: but like I just never.
Speaker 2: But you're not you know, you're not that guy.
Speaker 1: So let me ask you this, Yeah, wile, yes, do
Speaker 1: you think that like exposure therapy is good or bad?
Speaker 2: Because like that, I think it's good. I think it's good.
Speaker 2: Don't listen to me. I think it's good. I think
Speaker 2: it's good. I think you should have your party. I
Speaker 2: think I think by the I think I think you're gonna.
Speaker 2: I think you should have your party, and I think
Speaker 2: it'll be fine and you'll have a fun time, and
Speaker 2: then you'll be like, all right, cool, we can maybe
Speaker 2: we'll do that again. It's never going to be stressed.
Speaker 1: Well hopefully you know, maybe something while it happens, who knows,
Speaker 1: but well, we'll think positive thoughts on.
Speaker 2: This one, Quincy, Is there anything else you want to
Speaker 2: say to the people of the computer before we go?
Speaker 1: Get bless you guys? Honestly, this this was this made
Speaker 1: my whole day. Whether I cancel it or I have it,
Speaker 1: just be able to talk to you with sweet dude, Hey.
Speaker 2: Let me the next time you're having it. I want
Speaker 2: to come. Wait where do you live? You don't have
Speaker 2: to give me your thing in Pennsylvania?
Speaker 1: Want Yeah, you want my social too.
Speaker 2: What part of Pennsylvania are you in?
Speaker 1: Soutful? I'm outside of Pittsburgh.
Speaker 2: Okay, all right, no, I'm probably I'm never going to
Speaker 2: come to your house ever.
Speaker 1: Wh dude, you don't like Pittsburgh.
Speaker 2: No, it's what I you That's I don't like when
Speaker 2: people say that I don't like. There's nothing I've loved Pittsburgh.
Speaker 2: I think Pittsburgh is awesome, but I'm not going to
Speaker 2: go there to go to your house.
Speaker 1: Well that's good. It's a fair enough point. Well, Gek,
Speaker 1: I appreciate you taking my phone call.
Speaker 2: Thank you, Quincy, Quincy. I hope you have a good party.
Speaker 2: Don't let don't don't stress yourself out. It will be
Speaker 2: a good time.
Speaker 1: I'll do my best, beautiful.
Speaker 2: Wait, what do you wait? What are you cooking? You
Speaker 2: never said what you were cooking?
Speaker 1: Oh, I told you I was doing like hot dogs, hamburgers.
Speaker 1: I made some like oh.
Speaker 2: Yeah, oh right, yeah, I'm sorry. Yeah, you to tell
Speaker 2: me that. Yeah, yeah, you got a barbecue. Wait, this
Speaker 2: is gonna be awesome. Well, actually I might come to
Speaker 2: Pittsburgh to come to your house. I can't make it
Speaker 2: in two hours, though, but if you have another one.
Speaker 1: Maybe, I mean, if you you know, I'll shoot you
Speaker 1: a d M a couple of weeks and you know,
Speaker 1: I'll give you like a month's notice.
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, better if I see.
Speaker 1: You're playing, like, if you're gonna gonna be doing a show, like,
Speaker 1: I'll just hit you up maybe the next day. How fast,
Speaker 1: hold on, before we go, how fast do you move
Speaker 1: to city?
Speaker 2: How fast do I move city to city?
Speaker 1: Yeah? Like when you're out, like when you're out doing shows.
Speaker 2: It always it kind of depends. It's just like, yeah,
Speaker 2: it always depends. There's no real like set time late.
Speaker 2: I think when I first started, I wanted to spend
Speaker 2: more time in each city, and now now I'm like,
Speaker 2: I'm enjoying. I'm enjoying being at home a little bit more.
Speaker 2: I get that by Quincy, you have a good time
Speaker 2: at your Thanks Gek. I wonder what kind of desserts
Speaker 2: he's gonna have.
Speaker 5: From Jerryanna?
Speaker 2: Hello?
Speaker 5: Hello, is this the Gek?
Speaker 1: Yes?
Speaker 2: Who is this?
Speaker 5: Oh? Snap, this is Jerryana Jerryanawa.
Speaker 2: Yeah, what's up, Jerryanna. How's it going?
Speaker 5: Hey man? The weekend? Just catching up on chores, boring
Speaker 5: shit like that. By the way, I h I like that.
Speaker 5: I mean I love all the conversations on here, but
Speaker 5: the one about you know, religion and marriage, and I
Speaker 5: just kind of wanted to follow up on that because
Speaker 5: it's just so important to our society nowadays. Love. You know,
Speaker 5: we need more to say now, but it's like, well, yeah,
Speaker 5: we do need it.
Speaker 2: What's what was your take on the on that conversation?
Speaker 5: Well, well, the Colors seemed like a really sweet guy
Speaker 5: and he was kind of like wasn't he kind of
Speaker 5: talking about monogamy and how he's kind of like a
Speaker 5: born again Christian something.
Speaker 2: I don't know if he was a born again Christian,
Speaker 2: but a little bit.
Speaker 5: Yeah, okay, okay, So I really believe in commitment to
Speaker 5: the person you love and at the same time, you know,
Speaker 5: two things can be true at the same time. Uh,
Speaker 5: just monogamy is just way too toxic. And no, I
Speaker 5: don't believe in collyamor it works for other people too,
Speaker 5: you know, but which the vibe.
Speaker 7: You know?
Speaker 5: But uh, the Modern day Philosopher, because you know, states
Speaker 5: of love and being, that's like, that's all the School
Speaker 5: of Life, right, Like you're talking about life being loved,
Speaker 5: shit like that.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 5: Have you ever heard of the Modern day Philosopher? Then
Speaker 5: de patonce?
Speaker 2: No, I thought you were just talking about No, no,
Speaker 2: I haven't. Who are they?
Speaker 5: I know'm kind of all over the place.
Speaker 8: But well, he actually founded this.
Speaker 5: University that's like in several.
Speaker 3: Countries.
Speaker 5: I think there's one in Canada too, but it's called
Speaker 5: it literally called the School of Life. And he talks about,
Speaker 5: you know, when it comes to religion, we honestly we
Speaker 5: need to start cherry picking like the good things from it. Yeah,
Speaker 5: and so I'll get back to my whole point. I
Speaker 5: was going to get about monogamy and coxpic and stuff
Speaker 5: like that, but like cherry picking religion because what I
Speaker 5: found fascinating during COVID is like.
Speaker 7: I I I defaulted to practices in Islam without knowing it,
Speaker 7: and then when I realized, I was like, oh shit,
Speaker 7: you know, I'm definitely not Muslim, but this is very Muslim.
Speaker 5: How did you?
Speaker 2: How did you accidentally become Islamic?
Speaker 5: Man? It's so cool, Like I, you know, we're all
Speaker 5: stuck in our damn living quarters and or like scrambling
Speaker 5: for things to keep us entertained, you know, things to do,
Speaker 5: and we need a routine. Where's a routine? Right? And
Speaker 5: I was like, okay, I need to find a routine
Speaker 5: to be saying because I'm going insane. We're all going insane,
Speaker 5: and so I, you know, I'm like, okay, first thing,
Speaker 5: when I wake up in the morning, I'm just gonna stretch' stretch.
Speaker 5: Then the day starts passing, you're like, shit, still like
Speaker 5: cooped up here? What the hell?
Speaker 2: You know?
Speaker 5: You find something to do this or that, and then
Speaker 5: you're like and then you get into meditating a little
Speaker 5: bit here and there, and then I'm like, you know what,
Speaker 5: I need to stretch again?
Speaker 2: I need?
Speaker 5: And then throughout the day I found myself like doing
Speaker 5: the yoga pose. I think it's called like the something
Speaker 5: cat pose.
Speaker 8: Or the ah or like do you know what yoga poses?
Speaker 3: Do you know what?
Speaker 5: Anyway?
Speaker 2: Sure? Sure? Sure?
Speaker 5: Well okay, so kid yourself. You're on a yoga mat
Speaker 5: and you're sitting there and then you you curl over
Speaker 5: your knees with your arms stretched out but your legs
Speaker 5: are curled under you. Okay, that stretch. And then like
Speaker 5: have you ever done yoga?
Speaker 2: I've done yoga a couple of times.
Speaker 3: Yeah, damn it.
Speaker 5: I wish I knew the name anyways. So and then
Speaker 5: like my cat passed away a while that tragically for
Speaker 5: all these reasons. And so I was like doing my
Speaker 5: yoga stretches in front of in front of my little
Speaker 5: shrine to my cat. And then I'm like, and the
Speaker 5: in front of my fucking shrine for my freaking cat,
Speaker 5: Let me pray. Let me just like pray to my cat,
Speaker 5: who's like my heart, my freaking goddess, Like that's my goddess.
Speaker 3: Like that's.
Speaker 2: Well, why did you why do you? Why did you
Speaker 2: say that? Monogamy is toxic. I'm curious what your philosophy
Speaker 2: is on that.
Speaker 5: Well, I'm going to get back to that, but I
Speaker 5: just want to say about how, like how I got
Speaker 5: into like the practices of his mom.
Speaker 2: Okay, oh wait, sorry, you know what, I kind of
Speaker 2: lost the threat of our conversation in my head.
Speaker 5: And that's okay, because I'm talking about doing yoga whom
Speaker 5: the shrine of my cat.
Speaker 2: Okay, I forgot. Yeah, we're talking about how you came Islamic. Okay.
Speaker 5: Yeah, so I'm pound I'm gonna type egg. Got it.
Speaker 5: So I'm like, so while I'm doing.
Speaker 8: Yoga throughout the day and finding things to do, I
Speaker 8: start to pray after I do my little yoga cat stretch,
Speaker 8: pose and try and I do that like five times
Speaker 8: throughout the day.
Speaker 5: Early morning when when I wake up at five am,
Speaker 5: stretch pray a couple other times throughout the day, and
Speaker 5: by the time the end of the day, I do
Speaker 5: my stretch and pray like five six times. And that
Speaker 5: is actually the amount of times that Muslims pray. It's
Speaker 5: like a five or six. And I'm like and and.
Speaker 4: I because because I was like, oh, I'm just all.
Speaker 5: Of a sudden, I'm praying throughout the day to my cat,
Speaker 5: to shrine, my cat shrine, and I'm like, this seems.
Speaker 9: Like, wait, don't Muslims pray throughout the day?
Speaker 5: Two And I was like, how many times did you pray?
Speaker 5: And it was an exact amount of time and I
Speaker 5: was like, that's crazy. So and that but that really me.
Speaker 5: It centered me. And you know, from that chaos of
Speaker 5: the pandemic, I from their religion. You know, obviously I'm
Speaker 5: not Muslim. I was raised in like a Christian type
Speaker 5: of Methodist thing, which is still not even that, but
Speaker 5: you know, and anyways, the philosopher guys talking about Adam
Speaker 5: de Baton when he who when he was talking about
Speaker 5: you know, takes of being and religion, and he's like,
Speaker 5: you know, religion has a lot of great things in
Speaker 5: it that help us with the complexities of being human,
Speaker 5: you know, like if and so anyways, he said, cherry
Speaker 5: pick the good things. And so I love that about Islam,
Speaker 5: even though I don't believe in whole everything else that
Speaker 5: I don't understand about it.
Speaker 2: But yeah, yeah, yeah, that's yes. Actually you accidentally practiced Islam, I.
Speaker 5: Guess, yeah, yeah, And so okay, and so going back to, uh,
Speaker 5: how I find like monogamy toxic? Is that like even
Speaker 5: though the practice of committing yourself to someone is beautiful
Speaker 5: and needed, because I feel like love equals trust and respect.
Speaker 5: I mean, without that, what do you have? You know,
Speaker 5: if you don't trust the person, how can you really
Speaker 5: love them? If you don't respect them, how can you
Speaker 5: really love them? You got to have those two things?
Speaker 2: And so.
Speaker 4: Uh oh yeah, So anyways, and what were they saying about,
Speaker 4: uh oh yeah, monogamy being toxic.
Speaker 5: So even though you even though committing yourself to someone
Speaker 5: is really important, it's just.
Speaker 9: When you have children, you need to have more of
Speaker 9: a tribe than just one women, like raising.
Speaker 5: All these kids. Yeah, well, it takes a village. And
Speaker 5: the thing is about modern day society is obviously the
Speaker 5: village is not right down the street. You got to
Speaker 5: drive here and there, and then so you have kids
Speaker 5: growing up in these nuclear households that so many of
Speaker 5: us have experience without the grand parent down the street.
Speaker 5: And and thank god, you know, some of us walked
Speaker 5: out and did have those family members down the street,
Speaker 5: which is great, but it's like becoming more and more
Speaker 5: rare and like with that you know, mental health. Obviously
Speaker 5: nowadays we're seeing with the pinnacle of narcissism of Trump
Speaker 5: is so important and we don't have any policies to
Speaker 5: keep these people out and anyway, so you have kids
Speaker 5: being raised by just one person, not getting the eye
Speaker 5: contact that they need to have a healthy core self.
Speaker 5: And sure, I'm you know, I think, like a lot
Speaker 5: of us, we read up on narcissism and things because
Speaker 5: it's just so bad nowadays, which is an understatement, and
Speaker 5: it talks about to have a healthy human psyche.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, you need, you need yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: I'm with you. I I I agree, I agree with
Speaker 2: I agree with the sentiment that you know, I think,
Speaker 2: uh sorry, I'm I've just been I think I'm losing
Speaker 2: conversational steam. I think. You know what it is, every
Speaker 2: every every podcast I have the every podcast, I have
Speaker 2: the energy for one really good conversation that I put
Speaker 2: at the beginning of the episode. And that's how that's
Speaker 2: how I began to format this podcast. Is every every
Speaker 2: every time I go to stream and do a podcast,
Speaker 2: I have the energy for one really good conversation and
Speaker 2: I put at the beginning, and then at the end,
Speaker 2: I'm like and then you know, I start to I
Speaker 2: start to lose steam.
Speaker 6: But I'm trying to well, I totally get it because
Speaker 6: I'm I'm in healthcare and I happen to be I
Speaker 6: happen to provide hygiene, and I have all these patients
Speaker 6: throughout the day.
Speaker 5: By the end of the day they're talking about this that,
Speaker 5: and I'm just like, I'm sorry, the caffeine is wearing off.
Speaker 5: But I heard you.
Speaker 2: I just I care, but I yeah, what's your what's
Speaker 2: your name again?
Speaker 5: My quote unquote name is Jerrana Marianna, uh like Tom
Speaker 5: and Jerry Gianna, Jerryanna.
Speaker 2: Well, listen, Jerryanna, thank you for providing a alterned. I
Speaker 2: do I get what you mean in terms of I
Speaker 2: don't know. Well, here's the thing is is we're about
Speaker 2: to there's lots of people probably in polycules who are
Speaker 2: raising children that way, and so in our lifetime, yeah,
Speaker 2: we'll get to find it's bad. I thought you said
Speaker 2: it was good.
Speaker 5: Wait you said I thought you.
Speaker 8: I don't know what you said.
Speaker 5: I thought you said, like there's lots of people in
Speaker 5: like in like capsules of like raging raising children like
Speaker 5: that like a monogamous way.
Speaker 2: Polycles polycules.
Speaker 5: Oh like the polyamorous lifestyle.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but we'll get to we'll see how those people
Speaker 2: turn out. Maybe they're amazing, maybe they're maybe everyone, maybe
Speaker 2: they're awesome.
Speaker 5: Well, the problem with the poly lifestyle is that they
Speaker 5: should be I think they should be more like with
Speaker 5: with again, going back to cherry picking good things out
Speaker 5: of religion, right, Like I like the commitment with Christianity,
Speaker 5: but with Islam you can also have several wives. And
Speaker 5: I happen to be like bisexual, and I don't understand
Speaker 5: how women are like, oh yeah, I'm just gonna be
Speaker 5: with this man forever. That's it. Like, but also I
Speaker 5: don't want to be going out to different people having
Speaker 5: sexual romantic connections. Like I want to have one good
Speaker 5: good I want to have one good Betty, who's my
Speaker 5: ride or die wife?
Speaker 2: Sure?
Speaker 5: And then also we have our husband, and like, why
Speaker 5: not fucking do that? Like everyone stop going insane with
Speaker 5: one person.
Speaker 2: Stop it nice. That sounds nice, It sounds nice.
Speaker 5: But I know that I'll let you I'll let you go.
Speaker 5: I'm glad we got the chat, and I just want
Speaker 5: to get that out there about uh love. So thanks
Speaker 5: for having me on the show.
Speaker 2: Of course, thank you. And next time you pray to
Speaker 2: your cat, you know, put in a good word for
Speaker 2: me too. In case if your cat I'll tell y'all,
Speaker 2: just in case, if your cat does end up being
Speaker 2: the one true God, I want I want some favor
Speaker 2: with them, all right, man, I will all right? Later,
Speaker 2: have a have a have a I'm sorry, what did
Speaker 2: you say? Your name was? Again? It starts with the
Speaker 2: jay I have a good one, Jerryana YouTube guy. Later, Well, folks,
Speaker 2: that was it. We did a therapy Gecko podcast. We
Speaker 2: talked a lot about life. We learned a lot of stuff,
Speaker 2: like hop in those Spotify comments or those Apple podcast
Speaker 2: reviews or those YouTube comments. I want to know what
Speaker 2: people thought about these conversations. We had some pretty dense
Speaker 2: conversations on this episode. I want to know what the
Speaker 2: people thought. I hope people. I hope people understood what
Speaker 2: we were trying to say. And if not, that's okay too,
Speaker 2: because it's fine. Thank you guys very much for listening,
Speaker 2: Thank you for being here. Thanks for continuing to indulge
Speaker 2: me as I as I do this podcast, and and
Speaker 2: continuing to indulge the people that call in. Uh, this
Speaker 2: is fun. I feel very honored to get to wax
Speaker 2: philosophy with strangers, and thanks for listening.
Speaker 1: Rep KT goes on the line taking your phone calls
Speaker 1: every night.
Speaker 2: The repin Can goes doing a ride.
Speaker 3: He's teaching you about in the middle of your life,
Speaker 3: but he's not really an expert.