Speaker 1: Attention Shoppers.
Speaker 2: Attention Shoppers Employees Only is an improvised comedy podcast about
Speaker 2: an official big box store. Any similarity to real stores
Speaker 2: or real people is completely cool incidental.
Speaker 3: So it's okay for customers to ride a Rascal scooter
Speaker 3: in the store, but it's not okay for them to
Speaker 3: write a moped in the store. So next time that happens,
Speaker 3: don't take a video. Just ask them to drive the
Speaker 3: moped out of the store, okay. So most important announcement
Speaker 3: is that there's been an anonymous complaint filed with corporate
Speaker 3: And I'm sorry to say this, y'all, but that means
Speaker 3: that I have to show the sexual harassment video again.
Speaker 4: Good god, wait is it, Alista Jennine? I do like
Speaker 4: that one who narked.
Speaker 1: Listen, yeh.
Speaker 3: You know how it always seems like there are only
Speaker 3: five of us in this breakroom talking at any one time.
Speaker 5: Well there are, they're people in here, and.
Speaker 3: Apparently one of them heard something that they didn't lack.
Speaker 4: This is ridiculous. As a woman, we've suffered so much
Speaker 4: harassment that we are actually entitled to harass as much
Speaker 4: as we want without consequences. Like watch this, Hey, Mike,
Speaker 4: your ass looks great in those genes, baby, see, no problem.
Speaker 6: Stakes too, right on, lewis nothing we don't say by
Speaker 6: everything by.
Speaker 7: Honey, I don't see why I have to watch this
Speaker 7: damn video. I'm completely innocent, Arnold.
Speaker 3: Almost every comment that comes out of your mouth ends
Speaker 3: with a reference to anal.
Speaker 1: Sex mm hmmmm.
Speaker 7: This is just another example of the PC police trying
Speaker 7: to penetrate our lives with their politics, and Honey, they
Speaker 7: are not using lou Yeah, okay, I see what you mean,
Speaker 7: but it was classy.
Speaker 8: Well, Jerry, I want you to know that I never
Speaker 8: harass anyone at work.
Speaker 5: Okay.
Speaker 8: I do all my harassment after hours at the local
Speaker 8: bar or the post office. When I'm at work, I
Speaker 8: practice the opposite of sexual harassment. You know, Hey, Liz,
Speaker 8: there is nothing about you that I find attractive.
Speaker 5: I wish you would wear more clothing.
Speaker 1: How's that? I don't know? That still feels like harassment
Speaker 1: in some way?
Speaker 5: That feels right to me, though, Oh.
Speaker 9: My god, you guys are also old and problematic. Okay,
Speaker 9: my generation actually cares about harassment, and we don't think
Speaker 9: it's stupid to learn about.
Speaker 3: Its Timesheeta, I'm gonna tell you again you can't wear
Speaker 3: sweatpants that say get some on the bottom.
Speaker 9: When you're called sex positivity. Jerry, I'm letting the world
Speaker 9: know I'm not ashamed that I'm getting some of that
Speaker 9: good good. This place is like a prison money.
Speaker 1: Where can I get some of them? In a double X?
Speaker 9: Man? I'll send you the link, all right?
Speaker 3: Can we just stop before we get some more complaints. Look,
Speaker 3: we all have to watch this video, so I'll see
Speaker 3: you back here in a little while.
Speaker 5: To get it done by Shilah. You see that last
Speaker 5: Republican debate.
Speaker 9: No nobody did. Nobody watches debates.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and now Fox News is making some kind of
Speaker 4: weird play where they run a debate between DeSantis and
Speaker 4: California's governor Gavin Newsom. He's not even running for president.
Speaker 4: Why why are they talking? We're just trying to have
Speaker 4: some kind of like ultra right ultra left SmackDown on
Speaker 4: Fox News.
Speaker 5: I don't know why, but I'm gonna watch it.
Speaker 8: I love it. I'm drawn to it like a moth.
Speaker 8: In fact, I'm gonna turn it.
Speaker 1: On right now.
Speaker 5: I just gotta get a little bit. I just want
Speaker 5: a little bit right now.
Speaker 4: Men will literally stage a national debate to talk rather
Speaker 4: than going to therapy.
Speaker 8: Yeah, this debate has no consequences, So what guys, No
Speaker 8: debate has consequences.
Speaker 5: Nobody ever watches a debate and goes, oh hmm, oh, you.
Speaker 8: Know what, I guess I'll change my vote from Republican.
Speaker 5: To Democrat because they made such a compelling point.
Speaker 7: Well, it's all for show, and just everybody knows, Ronda
Speaker 7: Santis ain't got a batshit chance in hell. It's gonna
Speaker 7: be Trump, my boy, because Trump won't debate him. So
Speaker 7: he's got a debate somebody. He's got to pick some
Speaker 7: random asshole from California. If this doesn't work, maybe he
Speaker 7: can set up a debate with Mayor mccheese or Captain Crunk.
Speaker 4: I like Gavin Newsom, but no one's gonna vote for
Speaker 4: a guy who looks like they guessed it on sex
Speaker 4: in the City and they were a dick to Samantha.
Speaker 9: You can keep hating on Gavin Newsom, but like Gavin
Speaker 9: Newsom's ex wife hates him so much she's now engaged
Speaker 9: to Donald Trump Junior. Anyone who inspires that level of
Speaker 9: revenge has to have something going on. You know, I'm
Speaker 9: just saying I think he puts the d N Democrat
Speaker 9: gets up.
Speaker 8: You know what, I think DeSantis rocks. I think he's cool.
Speaker 8: I love how he ships all his immigrants to California.
Speaker 8: Teach those Liberals a lesson. It's like the time I
Speaker 8: kept mailing tampons to my bitchy neighbor. Turns out she
Speaker 8: was just using him because female hydriene projects are really
Speaker 8: expensive and I was providing a service.
Speaker 5: But you know, it felt good at the moment, felt
Speaker 5: real good.
Speaker 7: Now I am a card carrying Conservative, but I will
Speaker 7: watch Gavin Newsom do anything.
Speaker 1: That man is sexy.
Speaker 7: He looks like the hot millionaire who tries to shut
Speaker 7: down a summer camp in a family film. I'll tell
Speaker 7: you what, if I ever got that man alone, I'd
Speaker 7: have him trusted naked on a bed of herbs, like
Speaker 7: one of those French laundry chickens he likes so much.
Speaker 4: Also, he's tall. He should do something that takes advantage
Speaker 4: of his height, like you know, he should just challenge
Speaker 4: dissentis to a volleyball game or something. I'd love to
Speaker 4: see him just spike it on that little torp.
Speaker 8: I think the real debate would be Gavin Newsome and
Speaker 8: Gavin McGinnis.
Speaker 5: Now that would be fireworks.
Speaker 1: Oh he's weird. He's weird. That's too far for me.
Speaker 1: Wait what he's talking about that? Damn proud boy.
Speaker 7: He looks like an advertisement for mustache wax.
Speaker 4: I just didn't know we would ever find the edge
Speaker 4: of Arnold. I never thought we would get to too
Speaker 4: far for you.
Speaker 1: And well, no, he's not too far right.
Speaker 7: I think in some ways he's a little bit too
Speaker 7: progressive for my taste. But I just don't like the
Speaker 7: way he looks. Gavin mcginni's looking like some dapper dan
Speaker 7: Man fool.
Speaker 5: He does look too much like a Republican mixologist.
Speaker 9: Yeah, like a white nationalist mixologist. Every drink is a
Speaker 9: white Russian.
Speaker 1: I see right through Ron de Santis.
Speaker 7: He's going after Disney for all the wrong reasons, saying
Speaker 7: that it's too gay at Disney World.
Speaker 4: Does Disney World still have Pleasure Island? I used to
Speaker 4: really let loose there back in college.
Speaker 7: I don't know if they have it in the park, honey,
Speaker 7: but just outside of it in Orlando, there's a motel
Speaker 7: called Pleasure Island.
Speaker 1: And let me tell you.
Speaker 7: You could get stuck there. You could spend the night
Speaker 7: there and turn into a donkey. I'll tell you what.
Speaker 7: DeSantis might pose like he's the second coming of Trump,
Speaker 7: but he is dumb.
Speaker 1: What kind of fool.
Speaker 7: Would sit down in public and try to say, Hey,
Speaker 7: now we're gonna make the Republican Party anti gay. What
Speaker 7: a stupid thing to do. You can't do a Republican
Speaker 7: party without us gays?
Speaker 4: What do you?
Speaker 9: All of their outfits are terrible. There obviously are no gays.
Speaker 4: Involved, Tony.
Speaker 7: You never saw how crisp and handsome Ronald Reagan looked.
Speaker 7: He sat over there and across from Gorbachev, who looked
Speaker 7: like somebody broke a pin on his head.
Speaker 1: And then Reagan came back looking.
Speaker 7: So handsome, just just walking down that jetway, so handsome
Speaker 7: right there on the tarmac.
Speaker 1: Good God, if I'd been there, I.
Speaker 7: Would have rolled that stairway away and I would have
Speaker 7: got I would have let him walk down me to
Speaker 7: get off that airplane.
Speaker 8: You know, I'm not gay, but I feel the same
Speaker 8: way about Ronald Reagan.
Speaker 5: He could use me as a stare by.
Speaker 4: What you doing there, Arnold?
Speaker 1: I'm doing my scratchers.
Speaker 7: You know how I love to play my scratch off
Speaker 7: pickets just one of the little ways I believe my stress.
Speaker 1: Fucking god, damn it to hell. Bullshit didn't win again.
Speaker 9: Oh did you guys hear about this guy in Florida
Speaker 9: who just won like one point six billion dollars on
Speaker 9: the Mega Millions lottery. I am so jealous. I'd be
Speaker 9: such a good rich person. I already know how to
Speaker 9: treat people like shit. Guys.
Speaker 5: The lottery is a curse. You guys know that, right.
Speaker 8: Our poor people's brain inequipped to handle that kind of
Speaker 8: cash flow. All right, sixty dollars says that guy's gonna
Speaker 8: be found in a week from now, face down in
Speaker 8: a pile of cocaine, next to his pet alligator that
Speaker 8: he dressed in a custom for a coat.
Speaker 1: Well, don't threaten me with a good time, honey.
Speaker 7: If and when I win that lottery, none of you
Speaker 7: will ever see me again. Literally head to toe plastic
Speaker 7: surgery like that show the Swan. I would go in
Speaker 7: looking like this lumpy sack of grain that's taken a
Speaker 7: few poundings in a back alley, and I would come
Speaker 7: out with the young top body of a twenty year
Speaker 7: old yoga instructor. I'm gonna be filled with so much
Speaker 7: silicone I could be used as a life preserver.
Speaker 4: Well, if I were to win the lottery, I think
Speaker 4: i'd take my kids out of the public education system.
Speaker 4: Last week, their teacher shorted and only fans to raise
Speaker 4: money for colored pencils.
Speaker 9: Oh my god, is that teacher tatas I follow her.
Speaker 9: She's so creative. But honestly, if I won the lottery,
Speaker 9: I would buy my mother a house and then I
Speaker 9: would burn it to the ground and collect all of
Speaker 9: the insurance money. Because you can never be too rich.
Speaker 9: It's like never enough.
Speaker 4: But in Florida you can actually get all the money
Speaker 4: at once, or you can do installments, or you can
Speaker 4: send it to Clarence Thomas in exchange for him eliminating
Speaker 4: the constitutional right of your choice.
Speaker 9: I like that In Florida, you stay anonymous for ninety days.
Speaker 9: It's like the government gives you a head start, thrown
Speaker 9: away from all of your shitty friends and family that
Speaker 9: are gonna be hounding you for money. It's like, wow, Grandma,
Speaker 9: five dollars on a birthday car, thank you so much.
Speaker 9: You'll be paying for your glaucoma meds.
Speaker 8: If I won the lotto, I would finally devote my
Speaker 8: time to my band. All right, I'd buy that club
Speaker 8: downtown Deja Vu, and we'd play.
Speaker 5: There every night.
Speaker 8: And if we forced everybody to listen to us for
Speaker 8: an hour before the people they came to see, they're
Speaker 8: gonna eventually come around to love in us.
Speaker 5: And that is the path to success. You force people
Speaker 5: to enjoy what you enjoy.
Speaker 7: If I had one or more billion dollars, first thing
Speaker 7: I'm gonna do is buy this bye well and burn
Speaker 7: it down, raise it to the ground, salt the earth,
Speaker 7: and then over it. I'm gonna put in a giant
Speaker 7: karaoke gay bar and pay Jerry to dance outside with
Speaker 7: a sign that's an arrow pointing into two peach butt cheeks.
Speaker 7: And if he didn't get the choreography right, I'm gonna
Speaker 7: make him run around the block every time in chaps.
Speaker 1: Oh.
Speaker 8: I would never do something as wasteful of my time
Speaker 8: and money and peace of mind is playing the lotto.
Speaker 5: All right now, if you excuse me, I gotta go
Speaker 5: update my fantasy teams.
Speaker 7: Bye.
Speaker 5: All right, we got it up on the TV.
Speaker 1: Liz, you can hit play.
Speaker 3: Let's just get through this harassment video as quickly as
Speaker 3: we can welcome.
Speaker 10: To just don't talk by Well sexual harassment training seminar.
Speaker 10: I'm jinning Garoflo from the nineties. As someone who has
Speaker 10: been harassed thousands of times in her career, I know
Speaker 10: about the horrifying depths of depravity that a woman must
Speaker 10: confront anyway. Over the course of this three hour video,
Speaker 10: you'll learn to practice courtesy in the workplace.
Speaker 4: I forgot it was three hours. What is this, Oppenheimer.
Speaker 10: Let's begin by answering this question. Is it ever permissible
Speaker 10: to make comments of a sexual nature at work?
Speaker 8: I'm gonna say yes if you think it will improve
Speaker 8: them around.
Speaker 10: If you answered yes, you're not a good person.
Speaker 5: God, come on, I meant it.
Speaker 8: If you're talking to other guys about chicks, your bone.
Speaker 8: If this video doesn't get that, there's nuances.
Speaker 10: I know we're only a couple of minutes in, but
Speaker 10: at this point it's a good idea to check if
Speaker 10: anyone watching the video has fallen asleep.
Speaker 1: Arnold, I'm watching it. I'm watching it, Jerry.
Speaker 7: Let me guess it said we're not allowed to pray
Speaker 7: at work and we should all be vouting for o
Speaker 7: bomb Ah.
Speaker 3: Just try to just try to everybody can we all
Speaker 3: try to focus Shila off your phone.
Speaker 9: Oh my god? Why uh? I can learn more from
Speaker 9: TikTok and those videos are only thirty seconds long.
Speaker 10: Okay, now let's take a look at a hypothetical interaction.
Speaker 10: Mary is sending a fax when her co worker Steve
Speaker 10: walks in.
Speaker 9: Okay, what the fuck is a fax machine? I need
Speaker 9: my phone just to google what's going on? Jack?
Speaker 4: The sugs so fine. I don't think even Janine can
Speaker 4: save me with this one.
Speaker 5: I gotta go to the bathroom.
Speaker 9: I gotta go anywhere else.
Speaker 10: I am required to mention that buy Well's three strikes
Speaker 10: policy means that failure to view this video in its
Speaker 10: entirety can result in your immediate termination.
Speaker 9: Oh I forgot.
Speaker 4: Okay, I guess we're just getting a four hours of Janine.
Speaker 4: That's I can do it.
Speaker 5: It's not that bad liberal Hollywood for you.
Speaker 1: Might as well just force you to watch Bob's Burgers.
Speaker 4: It's a great show, Arnold.
Speaker 1: Of course it is for you.
Speaker 4: He sells burgers, you sell sandwiches. Arnold. I thought you'd
Speaker 4: have a lot in common with Bob.
Speaker 1: That's the problem with it.
Speaker 7: He's always sitting there trying to sew everything up with
Speaker 7: him two fat kids.
Speaker 3: All right, everybody stop talking about Bob's Burgers and watch
Speaker 3: the sexual harassment video.
Speaker 6: Bye bye.
Speaker 4: You guys keep complaining about this video, and I keep
Speaker 4: telling you we should start a union and strike. Joe
Speaker 4: Biden just visited a bunch of United autoworkers on the
Speaker 4: picket line in Michigan. He's the first president ever to
Speaker 4: join a picket line.
Speaker 1: Oh so what?
Speaker 5: Trump also went to Michigan. He talked to the auto workers.
Speaker 4: Yeah, but didn't he visit a non union factory the
Speaker 4: management invited him. He literally went to go talk to
Speaker 4: the man. The only work he does these days is
Speaker 4: making it to all his court.
Speaker 1: Dates, Honney, don't rub it in.
Speaker 7: We all know the Democrats are just making him parade
Speaker 7: through all the courts to try to stack the election
Speaker 7: against him. Can you imagine if they did that to
Speaker 7: any of the liberals day after day, Federal court, state court,
Speaker 7: county court, municipal court, traffic court, People's.
Speaker 1: Court, and then judge duty on top of it.
Speaker 4: People are not giving Biden enough credit for walking the
Speaker 4: picket line. I mean, when you're eighty, the line to
Speaker 4: the bathroom is a crab shoot.
Speaker 9: So true. Why would you strike when you can just
Speaker 9: try quiet quitting Like I'm also not working, but I
Speaker 9: get it chock every week.
Speaker 7: Well, I am against striking period. Hating your job is
Speaker 7: how the system works in this country. Hating your job
Speaker 7: motivates you to work harder so you can get promoted
Speaker 7: to management and make other people hate their job.
Speaker 9: Oh my god, is that why Jerry sucks? That makes
Speaker 9: so much sense.
Speaker 8: Biden's trying to force all these factories to make electric cars.
Speaker 8: I'm sorry, Joe Biden, but we prefer gasoline. Gasoline lets
Speaker 8: us drive more than fifty miles before waiting three hours
Speaker 8: for our car to charge. It also gives us cool
Speaker 8: Nascar explosions and great relations with Saudi Arabia.
Speaker 4: Don't you get it? None of us are gonna have
Speaker 4: jobs if the country is flooded. All these autoworkers should
Speaker 4: learn how to build motor boats or those weird breathing
Speaker 4: tubes they have in Mad Max movies, because that's what
Speaker 4: we're really gonna need. And I know you've got your
Speaker 4: jet ski, Rich.
Speaker 8: I got jet ski and I got a snorkel, so
Speaker 8: I am fine, Thank you very much, Liz.
Speaker 5: Sounds like fun to me, Rich.
Speaker 7: Honey, If that's all you got, it sounds like you're
Speaker 7: doing your vacations upside down, just dragging yourself underwater upside down,
Speaker 7: like fucking inspector gadget on vacation.
Speaker 8: No, come on, Arnold ijet ski to a place that
Speaker 8: looks interesting.
Speaker 1: Coming up with starfish stacked up on your face.
Speaker 8: No, Arnold jet ski away from my family and then
Speaker 8: I hide inside.
Speaker 5: The water with the snorkel so no one can see me.
Speaker 7: Well, as crazy as that is, I do agree with
Speaker 7: you about that. Damn Joe Biden acting like he understands workers.
Speaker 7: What a croc of shit. The man has never worked
Speaker 7: today in his life. His middle name is Robinette. Does
Speaker 7: Robinette sound like somebody who works in a factory?
Speaker 1: To you?
Speaker 9: Robinette sounds like a piece of mid century Scandinavian Frenich.
Speaker 9: He's right here, advertised on a murder podcast, and I
Speaker 9: would like love that in my apartment.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it does sound chic and functional. You're right, Arnold.
Speaker 4: Are you suggesting that Trump knows what it's like to work?
Speaker 4: The only work that Trump is doing these days is
Speaker 4: trying to get to all of his court appointments on time.
Speaker 1: You think Trump doesn't support auto workers.
Speaker 7: Have you seen that man inside a fire truck He's
Speaker 7: almost as happy as I am when I'm inside a
Speaker 7: fire truck driver.
Speaker 8: Yeah, you know what, Liz, I'm sure Trump would have
Speaker 8: loved to walk the picket line.
Speaker 5: Okay, but you know he has bone spurs. Okay.
Speaker 8: The man has to take care of his health, all right.
Speaker 8: He's the next president of the United States.
Speaker 7: Will It's those picket lines. That's how the left bamboozles you.
Speaker 7: You're walking around outside some factory, you see congo line
Speaker 7: full of hot bears and hard hats outside, and you
Speaker 7: go in to see where the party is. Next thing,
Speaker 7: you know, you find out they're all straight and married,
Speaker 7: and you're listening to his speech by Bernie Sander.
Speaker 9: I mean, honestly, my only opinion is auto workers need
Speaker 9: to make cars safer to crash. Like when I've had
Speaker 9: three mares, I could really use one of those Mario
Speaker 9: Kart parachutes that sheets out of the back of your car.
Speaker 9: But also, like just in general, yuck to this whole thing,
Speaker 9: because who wants to keep their job building cars. I
Speaker 9: won't even change a tire. I just leave my car
Speaker 9: for dad and then I call my ZEDI. My dad
Speaker 9: might not be in the picture, but a retired contractor
Speaker 9: named Keith This yes, gets up.
Speaker 5: Why can't I have a zombie?
Speaker 8: I'd love to have his zombie pick me up on
Speaker 8: the side of the road and have sex with me.
Speaker 5: Thank you, zombie, bye way.
Speaker 8: Oh oh, look at this end of an era. Hey, Liz,
Speaker 8: you want to feel old, just read Netflix is getting
Speaker 8: rid of their DVDs by mail service.
Speaker 4: They were still doing that somewhere. Red Box is like, yes,
Speaker 4: now we've got the dementia market all to ourselves.
Speaker 9: Okay, I give up. What is a DVD? Is it
Speaker 9: something you use with a fax machine?
Speaker 7: Well, this sucks. I'm still on the DVD by mail plane.
Speaker 7: In fact, I just upgraded from the Baes by mail plan.
Speaker 1: They snatched it away from you, and they snatch it again.
Speaker 4: You know, I do miss Blockbuster. There was a limited selection.
Speaker 4: Once you picked something that was it, it didn't matter
Speaker 4: if you didn't like it, that's your weekend. It really
Speaker 4: helped prepare me for marriage.
Speaker 7: Well, honey, I was a diehard Blockbuster man. Over here,
Speaker 7: hanging out near the shelf where they kept the top
Speaker 7: gun tapes was a real great way to meet closeted dance.
Speaker 1: Love them. They never overstayed. They always had to leave
Speaker 1: to pick up their kids.
Speaker 5: DVDs are over all right.
Speaker 8: Modern kids will never know the terror of watching your
Speaker 8: mom reach for that Father of the Bride DVD case
Speaker 8: where you hid Big Asian Butts three.
Speaker 9: No, you're right, Rich, I only do the latest tech.
Speaker 9: I watch all of my streaming on my VR helmet.
Speaker 9: I've walked through like three screen doors and two windows,
Speaker 9: but like, it's so worth it. I really feel like
Speaker 9: I'm on f Boy Islands.
Speaker 8: Can you get Big Asian Butts three on the VR headset?
Speaker 9: It's like the latest, it has everything.
Speaker 5: Okay, cool?
Speaker 7: Guess the only thing I'll be mailing in now or
Speaker 7: my Colo guard stool samples. It's gonna be a sad
Speaker 7: day now at the post office every Tuesday, Arnold.
Speaker 9: You're sending in steel samples every week? What is happening?
Speaker 4: His ass is going through a lot. I think weekly
Speaker 4: makes a lot of sense.
Speaker 9: That's true.
Speaker 4: Honestly, I cannot believe you still do Netflix, Arnold. If
Speaker 4: I saw somebody pulling one of those red envelopes out
Speaker 4: of their mailbox, I'd be like, are you just recovered
Speaker 4: from a coma. Do you know what year it is?
Speaker 4: Who is the president?
Speaker 1: You know, Well, you can't trust red Box. They're in
Speaker 1: bed with Publics and Kroger.
Speaker 7: You go down to a red Box, you're just you're
Speaker 7: giving money straight to Hillary Clinton.
Speaker 8: No, you know what, they're definitely not getting mission impossible.
Speaker 5: Three back.
Speaker 8: Time to put it with my bon Jovi tapes from
Speaker 8: Columbia House and my overdue Goosebumps books.
Speaker 7: Well, to tell you the truth, I don't need the
Speaker 7: whole Netflix thing. I only ever put on The Muppet Show.
Speaker 7: I could just get it on. I guess I like
Speaker 7: to have on something wholesome in the background when I
Speaker 7: have a gentleman over at three am and they seem
Speaker 7: to be disarmed when it's just Gonzo and the rest
Speaker 7: of him, Gonzo and Kermit hopping around up there, and
Speaker 7: then you can start wrestling.
Speaker 9: Honestly, Arnold, I'd say it's weird, but that sweetish chef
Speaker 9: really gets me going. It's like, oh my god, he
Speaker 9: cooks and he's single.
Speaker 7: Oh honey, you're telling me Grndy Ferndy, Burndy Derndy.
Speaker 1: That's my safe work.
Speaker 8: I had a great uncle who sounded like the sweetish chef,
Speaker 8: but turns out he was just having a stroke.
Speaker 6: Bye bye, Hello Elizabeth.
Speaker 8: Do you mind if I sit myself at the table
Speaker 8: of adjoining yours. I will maintain a respectful distance of
Speaker 8: at least eight feet and I will not look at you.
Speaker 4: I agree to your request. Rich Shard Arnold, Do you
Speaker 4: care to have a conversation that doesn't pertain to politics
Speaker 4: or sex?
Speaker 7: Yes, Liz, that would be okay with me. Well, the
Speaker 7: rain has been coming down.
Speaker 1: That is nice.
Speaker 5: I like it when it's wet.
Speaker 4: Eh, what Shine, watch a video three hours?
Speaker 1: Put that pecker back in your pants.
Speaker 5: I mean, I just like it when I can stay inside.
Speaker 9: You save that for your wife.
Speaker 3: So you know, even though I'm technically not supposed to
Speaker 3: look into it, I figured out who made the complaints.
Speaker 1: It was Mike, Liz.
Speaker 3: He really doesn't like it when you compliment his ass.
Speaker 4: Wait what you're telling me that I'm the harasser?
Speaker 5: Wow?
Speaker 9: It's your name, Liz or Lizzo?
Speaker 4: Does Mike know that I'm a woman. We can clear
Speaker 4: this up.
Speaker 1: Mike's a reasonable guy.
Speaker 3: He said he's willing to rescind the complaint if he
Speaker 3: gets an apology.
Speaker 4: Okay, yeah, okay, sure, Mike. I'm sorry, Ry buddy, it
Speaker 4: won't happen again.
Speaker 1: I appreciate that, Liz. I know you're a woman.
Speaker 4: Thank you, Mike.
Speaker 5: I appreciate that.
Speaker 3: So we shouldn't be in hot water with corporate anymore.
Speaker 1: If Mike's gonna rescind the complaint, we can.
Speaker 5: All relax now a little bit, just let it all
Speaker 5: hang out. Does that mean we can expose ourselves.
Speaker 1: No, it doesn't.
Speaker 4: No, nobody wants to see your droopy balls.
Speaker 5: Rich, It's a very funny when my balls come out.
Speaker 3: Oh god, damn it, my flies un zipped again. God,
Speaker 3: I really didn't. I just meant it as a euphemism.
Speaker 4: Oh, Rich, you know I have a meaning to tell you. Also,
Speaker 4: I read an article about a new treatment for men
Speaker 4: with micro penis. I'm sure you have a Google alert
Speaker 4: for micro penis, but just in case you missed it,
Speaker 4: I wanted you to get that article.
Speaker 5: Thanks, Liz. You know it's too bad.
Speaker 8: There's no treatment for women who have a huge, empty
Speaker 8: vagina that's deserted and spooky, filled with cobwebs, like a
Speaker 8: haunted house.
Speaker 4: Like I haven't heard that one before.
Speaker 9: Oh my god, we just got in a shipment of
Speaker 9: Spiderspray if you want some for your who Hala is
Speaker 9: Bye Well.
Speaker 11: Employees Only is produced by Imagine Audio and Pretty Fast
Speaker 11: for iHeartMedia, produced by Timothy Furnara. The associate producer is
Speaker 11: Wesley Hayes. It is executive produced by Ron Howard, Brian
Speaker 11: Grazerkarra Welker, Nathan Cloke and Jared Logan. Editing by Timothy Furnara,
Speaker 11: mixing by j Palizi, casting by Sherry Henderson. Original music
Speaker 11: composed by Alloy Tracks. Liz is played by Kara klink
Speaker 11: Rich is played by Kurt Brunneller. Victor is played by
Speaker 11: Ross Bryant. Marcia is played by Madison Shepherd. Arnold is
Speaker 11: played by James Odomian. Mia is played by Keisha Zoler,
Speaker 11: Shilah is played by Suba Argowall, and Darry is played
Speaker 11: by Jared Logan.