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Speaker 1: My husband of thirteen years is against having our cat euthanized,

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Speaker 1: implies I want to murder the cat for being an inconvenience.

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Speaker 1: This is okop, home to the craziest true stories on Earth.

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Speaker 1: I'm Sophia and Riley. If I was an inconvenience, would

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Speaker 1: you euthanize me? Uh? Well, there you have it, so

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Speaker 1: Throwaway sixty five thirty one twenty five to five one

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Speaker 1: says for context, I am thirty six female and my husband,

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Speaker 1: thirty nine male, has had our cat for seven years.

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Speaker 1: We don't know how old he is, as we adopted

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Speaker 1: him from a deceased neighbor and he was already an adult.

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Speaker 1: We think he's likely pretty old, but there's no way

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Speaker 1: to tell. A year ago, he began acting strange.

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Speaker 2: YEO, how strange?

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Speaker 1: I won't go into it, but we knew something was wrong.

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Speaker 1: Go into it. Why was he acting strange? That's so vague.

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Speaker 1: Was he like speaking in tongues.

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Speaker 2: Or was he like you see him one place and

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Speaker 2: then you see him again and then you're like deja vu? Yeah, matrix, Yeah,

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Speaker 2: remember that in the matrix. I never saw the matrix. Okay,

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Speaker 2: please let me know if you've seen it.

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Speaker 1: I took him to the vet and they decided it

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Speaker 1: was hyper thyroidism.

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Speaker 2: M let's look this up. Guesses. Is that, like in

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Speaker 2: the legs, happens when the thyroid gland makes too much

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Speaker 2: thyro mormones.

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Speaker 1: I don't know where the thyroids are.

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Speaker 2: We're gonna figure it out. Hey, I don't either.

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry I didn't do science classes.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, she was too busy improving.

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Speaker 1: Okay, my guess is it's either I think it's I

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Speaker 1: can't remember what if it's neither.

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Speaker 2: It might be neither. I think it's It feels like

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Speaker 2: a throat. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

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Speaker 1: I want to point out that I said legs and

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Speaker 1: then I was like, no, I think it's the throat.

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Speaker 1: I said throat after I corrected myself to throat.

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Speaker 2: If you're a doctor, please go after Sophia right now.

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Speaker 1: I'm just a poor, lonely theater major. We don't do

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Speaker 1: science and doctor stuff.

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Speaker 2: Do you act like you do? Yeah? Exactly.

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Speaker 1: They give me a script and I say, ah, the

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Speaker 1: thyroids in the neck, And then I already know that

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Speaker 1: because it's in the script anyway, So this cat has

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Speaker 1: something wrong in the thyroid.

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Speaker 2: Wait, did we actually learn what hypers Yeah. Yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 2: so like the thyroid hormones are making too much hormone

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Speaker 2: thyroid thyroid. Yes, got it.

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Speaker 1: This is a very manageable condition. Ah. So they put

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Speaker 1: him on some medication. He didn't get better. He became

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Speaker 1: anorexic and went from nine pounds to five pounds.

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Speaker 2: Oh no, what did he lose?

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Speaker 1: What do you mean?

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Speaker 2: Did he lose some like organs? Like, that's a lot.

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Speaker 1: Of pounds for a cat. We kept adjusting his hyper

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Speaker 1: tea meds, but his T four count dipped dangerously low

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Speaker 1: at some point and he had to be taken off

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Speaker 1: of it. He's now partially blind, partially deaf, can only

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Speaker 1: eat about twenty five percent of what he needs to

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Speaker 1: sustain him, can't get to the litter box on his

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Speaker 1: is racked with severe twitches at all times, lacks the

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Speaker 1: strength to hold his head all the way up or

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Speaker 1: walk correctly, and he walks almost exclusively in clockwise circles.

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Speaker 2: That's the strange things he's been doing.

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Speaker 1: Ah. Yeah, it is heartbreaking to watch him. Sometimes I

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Speaker 1: wonder if he's in there at all, he'll get stuck

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Speaker 1: in an obvious loop. There's no question that there are

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Speaker 1: severe cognitive difficulties going on.

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Speaker 2: All right, I'm calling it right now.

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Speaker 1: Yes, you have to put the cat down.

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Speaker 2: You have to.

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Speaker 1: That's a quality of life thing.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, that's not fair to the cat to like force

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Speaker 1: it to you know, stir alive. Yeah, that's that's horrible. No,

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Speaker 1: that's what happened with my dog last year. His quality

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Speaker 1: of life was going down a lot and he like

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Speaker 1: could have barely walked, and so we had to put

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Speaker 1: him down. He was like thirteen years old, and you know,

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Speaker 1: it's very sad. But if the quality of life isn't

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Speaker 1: there and they can't walk properly, it's this is true. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: our vet, after months of tests and observation, chalks us

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Speaker 1: up to old age and probably brainly. I don't know

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Speaker 1: if I totally agree, but it doesn't matter. What do

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Speaker 1: you mean you don't agree with the vet? Hope He's like, actually,

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Speaker 1: I have a doctorate. I lack the resources to get

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Speaker 1: a third or fourth opinion. We've seen two vets now.

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Speaker 1: I spent thousands since he fell ill bet.

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Speaker 2: Bills after a grand sorry that my.

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Speaker 1: Mom says, She's like, we're not paying thousands of dollars

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Speaker 1: for you know, an old pet.

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Speaker 2: Assue me the way we would deal with that if

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Speaker 2: we had to take them to the vet and it

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Speaker 2: was like pretty bad, they would just go into the

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Speaker 2: woods with dad and never come back.

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Speaker 1: Oh that's so sad. For another dog that he had

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Speaker 1: cancer and the vet was like, you're gonna have to

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Speaker 1: spend ten thousand dollars and we're like, no, no, sorry, buddy. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I've spent thousands since he fell ill, vet bills, lab fees,

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Speaker 1: special foods, medications, supplements, et cetera, and have run out

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Speaker 1: of emergency pet care funds. I have to syringe feed

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Speaker 1: him three times per day. The syringe feeding takes about

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Speaker 1: forty minutes to do. He copes pretty well with it,

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Speaker 1: but it's enormous undertaking. He's on clothline B twelve le

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Speaker 1: sign potassium iron MERR, Relax, and a high calorie supplement

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Speaker 1: which he takes three times per day with each feeding.

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Speaker 1: This does not sound like a pet that wants to live.

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Speaker 2: Obviously, those memes on TikTok where it's like.

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Speaker 1: I can put me out of my misery mother.

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Speaker 2: It's like the eighteen year old dog.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, this is just sad. This is sad, and I

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Speaker 1: totally get like loving your pet that you you know

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Speaker 1: so much that you want to keep it alive.

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Speaker 2: But when it's this much, is where's the line? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: He pees on the floor often because his hyper team

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Speaker 1: makes him drink and urinate very often, and he can't

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Speaker 1: go to the litter box on his own. He's stopped

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Speaker 1: cleaning himself, so I also have to bathe him weekly.

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Speaker 1: He has trouble regulating his body tempt, so I also

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Speaker 1: have to monitor that and keep him heated or cooled accordingly, heating, pad,

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Speaker 1: et cetera. Mind you, I do all of this myself.

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Speaker 1: My husband might refill his water dish or clean up

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Speaker 1: a pedal of urine here there, but that's it. It's

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Speaker 1: an enormous responsibility. At least a fourth of my waking

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Speaker 1: hours are devoted whole to the cat, and most day

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Speaker 1: that's more like a third. I've been doing it since

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Speaker 1: May of last year. No, no, no, no, No, that's your

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Speaker 1: husband's cat, like that's his that's his problem to deal with. No,

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Speaker 1: just based on the title, I'm annoyed, I'm tired. I

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Speaker 1: can't make this cat better. He's never going to be better.

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Speaker 1: I keep putting food and supplements into him so he

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Speaker 1: won't starve to death. And to be honest, I could

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Speaker 1: probably keep him alive like this for quite a while,

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Speaker 1: but to what end. You know, I'm not convinced he

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Speaker 1: still has the capacity for happiness. And for me personally,

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Speaker 1: that's my line. I'm ready to let this cat go.

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Speaker 1: And I want to be clear that it isn't because

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Speaker 1: it's a lot of work to keep him alive, but

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Speaker 1: because the amount of work that goes into it isn't

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Speaker 1: doing anything but keeping him alive. And I feel that

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Speaker 1: it is a selfish reach for a mere technicality. Absolutely.

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Speaker 1: Husband does not agree. Too bad, you're not even taking

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Speaker 1: care of this cat. What. He doesn't believe in euthanasia

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Speaker 1: unless the animal is in clear constant pain. Our cat

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Speaker 1: is not in clear constant pain. He's just not really

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Speaker 1: there at all and hardly able to function.

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Speaker 2: I feel like with the amount of medication you put

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Speaker 2: on there, yeah, there's no way he could feel pain.

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Speaker 1: Yeah he's drugged.

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Speaker 2: Oh my goodness.

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Speaker 1: To my husband, life over death is greater than death.

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Speaker 1: It's incredibly black and white him. He remarks on this

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Speaker 1: often quote. Look at him sitting in his cat bed.

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Speaker 1: He looks happy. He's just a moment. He's sure to

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Speaker 1: appreciate having the opportunity to live.

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Speaker 2: And the cat just says a three thousand miles stare.

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Speaker 1: He's walking in circles. This is very sad.

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Speaker 2: He's making his bed.

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Speaker 1: This is so sad. Oh, he says, uh, okay, if

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Speaker 1: you say so, I'd be willing to have a conversation

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Speaker 1: about this and hope that we can come to some

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Speaker 1: sort of compromise or understanding. But he's honestly being a

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Speaker 1: dick about it.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, he's being selfish. He's being selfish. This cat is

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Speaker 1: in a lot of well maybe not a lot of pain,

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Speaker 1: but like ant walk properly, is forced to be on

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Speaker 1: like fifty different drugs.

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Speaker 2: That's not a good life. No, this is way too soon,

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Speaker 2: too soon over a cat. Let the cat die, please please.

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Speaker 1: Last month we were talking about the possibility of having

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Speaker 1: him put down. He grabbed the cat up and kind

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Speaker 1: of cuddled him to his chest and said to him, Solas,

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Speaker 1: she's ready to just give up on you. I don't

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Speaker 1: know what the voice is.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, kind of offended, but it's fine.

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Speaker 1: It's not exactly southern.

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Speaker 2: I don't think a Southern man would be saying this.

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Speaker 2: He'd probably be like Oh yeah, let's get rid of it.

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Speaker 1: Okay, I'll give him a new voice. What's his voice?

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Speaker 2: English?

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Speaker 1: Sounds like she's ready to just keep.

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Speaker 2: Up on you. That checks out so much, Okay.

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Speaker 1: I told him that was completely unfair and that no

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Speaker 1: one has put in the amount of effort I have

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Speaker 1: to make this cat better at slash more comfortable. It

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Speaker 1: made me cry and I left the room. He eventually

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Speaker 1: came to me and admitted that was an awful thing

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Speaker 1: to say. He apologize and acknowledged that I'm the one

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Speaker 1: in the work and it wasn't his place to make

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Speaker 1: those judgments.

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Speaker 2: I feel like whenever he was doing that, he had

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Speaker 2: the cat's arms and he was like.

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Speaker 1: He's like, oh man, you are ready to give home.

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Speaker 1: I forgave him, but we never continued the conversation because

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Speaker 1: the wound was still a bit tender. Aw Fast forward

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Speaker 1: to last night. He's holding the cat and remarking about

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Speaker 1: how high maintenance he's becoming, kind of jokingly but also

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Speaker 1: in acknowledgment to my having spent a long time that

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Speaker 1: day feeding and cleaning up after him. But then he

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Speaker 1: says to the cat, really clearly, but what not going

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Speaker 1: to mutter? You just because you're an inconvenience guys.

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Speaker 2: I wonder how we would feel about if it was

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Speaker 2: a kid, would he say the same things.

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Speaker 1: I'm hoping that they wouldn't put down the kid. That

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Speaker 1: is a different scenario, because he's like, treat this cat

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Speaker 1: like a kid.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: This cat is also like very old.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: All we know is that they've had the cat for

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Speaker 1: seven years, but that it to an older neighbor.

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Speaker 2: So the cat's had years before that as well.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it was all I could do to not completely

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Speaker 1: blow the f up efing Seriously, I mean sure, that's

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Speaker 1: easy to say when you're not the one who has

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Speaker 1: to do it all. And if we're being frank here,

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Speaker 1: if it were up to my husband, this cat would

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Speaker 1: have starved to death months ago, because there's absolutely no

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Speaker 1: way in hell he'd have the discipline to shovel food

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Speaker 1: into this cat's mouth three times a day, not even

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Speaker 1: efing remotely possible. In fact, he's told me multiple times

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Speaker 1: to just stop syringe feeding the cat, with the implication

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Speaker 1: that nature will run its course. How is that not murder? Wait,

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Speaker 1: he's so hypocritical. He's like, I would rather this cat

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Speaker 1: starve to death than like put them out of their

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Speaker 1: misery in the most humane way possible. Weird, God, I'm

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Speaker 1: getting furious just typing that. How dare he say such

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Speaker 1: a thing? I'm so mad. I understand and respect that

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Speaker 1: he's got some kind of ethical issues about the merit

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Speaker 1: of euthanasia, but at this point I'm hard pressed to

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Speaker 1: give an f I know if I went and had

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Speaker 1: the cat put down on my own, he'd never forgive me.

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Speaker 2: Never.

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Speaker 1: What an ft up impossible situation. And this poor cat

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Speaker 1: is stuck in limbo, just making it from one feeding

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Speaker 1: to the next. And now I'm thinking we shouldn't own

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Speaker 1: pets together ever again. And I'm so happy we decided

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Speaker 1: not to have kids. WHOA. I don't think she's implying

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Speaker 1: that you know about needing to put down a child,

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Speaker 1: But I.

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Speaker 2: Think, then why did you mention that last set?

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Speaker 1: I think because she's saying he can't even put in

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Speaker 1: like she doesn't have the discipline to take care of

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Speaker 1: a cat, so.

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Speaker 2: He wouldn't take care of a human, but he would

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Speaker 2: make remarks about.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, her not being able to take care of the kid.

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Speaker 2: Maybe Wow, Yeah, I.

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Speaker 1: Think a pet is a good way to like trial

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Speaker 1: ray the child. Obviously, it's not the same thing, but

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Speaker 1: you know it's it's intro I do.

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Speaker 2: See a trend like if couples get a pet like

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Speaker 2: a dog or something like a year and a half later,

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Speaker 2: there's a kid.

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Speaker 1: There's a kid. They're prepping. But there are some relevant comments.

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Speaker 1: Shortened Sweet thirty three says your husband is being a

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Speaker 1: massive a hole to both you and the cat, making

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Speaker 1: snide remarks accusing you of wanting to murder the cat

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Speaker 1: when you do ninety nine percent of the work to

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Speaker 1: keep them alive. Why is that? By the way, you

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Speaker 1: don't have kids, so you aren't a stay at home mom.

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Speaker 1: I assume you both work. Why are you the one

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Speaker 1: with full responsibility for the cat? How are other household

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Speaker 1: tasks split? Secondly, the cat is alive and presumably not

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Speaker 1: in pain, but that doesn't mean he has any quality

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Speaker 1: of life left exactly. It sounds like he doesn't, and

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Speaker 1: your husband is prepared to accept stopping feeding the cat

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Speaker 1: and having him suffer as he slowly starves to death,

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Speaker 1: but not having him humanly and painlessly put down by that. WTF.

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Speaker 1: This sounds like it is a lot more about his

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Speaker 1: own personal issues and arbitrary moral in scare quotes views

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Speaker 1: than it is about care for the cat or his

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Speaker 1: well being. I literally said that, totally agree. Links are

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Speaker 1: not allowed on the sub, but google pet Quality of

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Speaker 1: Life Scale to get some links to the criteria that

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Speaker 1: that's used to determine if it is time for an

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Speaker 1: animal to be put down. Maybe showing him these resources

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Speaker 1: and having an objective and reasonable discussion will help. But honestly,

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Speaker 1: I can understand why you're furious with your husband and

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Speaker 1: maybe not in the mood for rational discussion. I would

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Speaker 1: be too, But do it for the cat. Yeah, great response.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I I have something to say about the

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Speaker 2: natural course of life. If you really want your cat

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Speaker 2: to live a natural course of life, just put it

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Speaker 2: outside for a night. There you go, There you get.

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Speaker 2: We have different I'm just saying, if he really wants

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Speaker 2: it to be natural, that's what nature will do.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. I'd mean the cad clearly can't survive on its own.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Op says to the question, why is that. By the way,

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Speaker 1: you don't have kids, so you are in a stay

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Speaker 1: at home mom, I assume you both work, Ope responds,

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Speaker 1: we're self employed and work from home, so we're able

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Speaker 1: to be near him. Twenty four to seven other household tasks.

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Speaker 1: Oh man, that's another post comprised of a whole essay.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, those things are mostly me. I think, honestly,

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Speaker 1: this might be grounds for divorce. I think this we

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Speaker 1: might be edging into a divorce edging. And what would

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Speaker 1: happen if you asked your husband which he thought was kinder,

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Speaker 1: to let the poor things starve to death, or to

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Speaker 1: put him down with the best medical science we currently had.

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Speaker 1: And Opie responds, this is the crux of the problem.

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Speaker 1: I know he has a history with a pet being

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Speaker 1: put down before he felt it was necessary, and an

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Speaker 1: experience when he was younger with killing an animal to

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Speaker 1: put it out of its misery. Rural farm thing. Let's see, right,

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Speaker 1: But I wish you'd work through these things instead of

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Speaker 1: projecting them onto me. That's great about the quality of

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Speaker 1: life scale. I'm absolutely going to look that up when

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Speaker 1: things are less emotional and we can hopefully continue this

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Speaker 1: discussion like adults. Then I think it'd be useful. Thank you.

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Speaker 1: And then another commoner says, Mir says, your husband should

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Speaker 1: have been involved in taking care of this cat a

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Speaker 1: long time ago if he really cares about it, like

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Speaker 1: he says he does. It seems like most of your

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Speaker 1: conversations about the cat start with him making these cruel

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Speaker 1: and accusatory comments about the cat, and you're forced to

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Speaker 1: take a defensive position. Start a discussion and make him

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Speaker 1: understand how difficult and exhausting it is for you to

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Speaker 1: continually take measures just to keep this cat functioning, and

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Speaker 1: that surviving doesn't equal living. In fact, you should divide

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Speaker 1: up the tasks to involve him in caring for your cat,

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Speaker 1: because his lack of participation in the care of your

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Speaker 1: cat is enabling his ignorance of the gravity of the situation.

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Speaker 1: And if he gets sick of feeding it and wants

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Speaker 1: to stop, either out of laziness or some belief that

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Speaker 1: it'll die painlessly, then get your vet to tell him

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Speaker 1: how quick and painless an injection can be compared to

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Speaker 1: effing starving your pet to death. I can't even wrap

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Speaker 1: my mind around that logic. And then OPI respond to

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Speaker 1: the quote of him making these cruel and accusatory comments

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Speaker 1: about the cat, and you're forced to take a defensive position.

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Speaker 1: Opie says, maybe the hardest part is that I don't

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Speaker 1: actually want my cat to die. Of course, you don't.

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Speaker 1: Of course, you don't want your cat to die. I

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Speaker 1: feel like that's not the point at all, and your

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Speaker 1: husband does not get that. OPI continues, and having to

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Speaker 1: sit here and wrap his death into a positive marketing

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Speaker 1: campaign is very hard on me. I lost my mom

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Speaker 1: twenty months ago to brain tumor. It took her six

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Speaker 1: It took her six months from diagnosis to death, and

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Speaker 1: even that was just absolutely brutal. I projected some weird

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Speaker 1: Messiah complex onto this cat for a long while. They

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Speaker 1: shared a lot of abnormal neurological behavior my cat mom,

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Speaker 1: and it was difficult to separate the experiences so close

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Speaker 1: to my grieving. But even I have now come to

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Speaker 1: admit that there is no saving him. I suppose I'm

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Speaker 1: going to have to make an effort to include him

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Speaker 1: more in the care tasks. I think referring to the

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Speaker 1: husband a part of me, and I don't know how

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Speaker 1: unfair it is, suspects that he's going to end up

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Speaker 1: feeling the exact emotions he's been projecting onto me. That

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Speaker 1: this is too much work and it'd be easier to

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Speaker 1: just get it all over with so we can get

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Speaker 1: back to a normal life. I think the first thing

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Speaker 1: that Opie needs to do is get the husband or

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Speaker 1: like force the husband to be involved. Yeah, just be like,

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Speaker 1: I'm not going to take care of this cat, and

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Speaker 1: if you want to keep him alive short but the

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Speaker 1: second that I see you not taking care of him,

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Speaker 1: I'm like getting him euthanized. Yeah, give him anultimatum.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a good ultimatum, because one, the husband has

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Speaker 2: some issues processing what happened to him in the past,

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Speaker 2: but death is such a hard concept to comprehend as humans. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: so he's probably also dealing with that and he needs

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Speaker 2: to take Yeah, take care of the cat.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Live a day in her shoes.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, in the cat's shoes.

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Speaker 2: I don't know if we want to live a day

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Speaker 2: in the cat shoes. Yeah, live in her shoes.

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Speaker 1: If you live a day in the cat's shoes, you're like,

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Speaker 1: oh my.

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Speaker 2: God, this cat is please kill me, please.

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Speaker 1: And then deleted responds. Cats are very good at hiding pain.

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Speaker 1: I think the fact that Kitty is basically starving to death,

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Speaker 1: peeing himself and has trouble walking indicates he's probably suffering

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Speaker 1: tremendously and he may not be bleeding or visibly hurt,

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Speaker 1: but he's slowly shutting down, and while it's not an

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Speaker 1: immediate pain of level eleven type, he must be constantly miserable.

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Speaker 1: What you're suggesting is actually the most compassionate and there

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Speaker 1: is an update.

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Speaker 2: I did not know that that cat's hide pain.

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Speaker 1: I didn't know that either. I've never had a cat

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Speaker 1: because I'm allergic to them.

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Speaker 2: I had a cat once. Yeah, he's very sweet to me.

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Speaker 2: I didn't remember it, but apparently like the cat would

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Speaker 2: let me do whatever I wanted to open. Then I

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Speaker 2: hug it at the end like I was a little Yeah,

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Speaker 2: it never scratched me, and I'd just feel like the

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Speaker 2: cat was like totally, totally. I'll be okay with an

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Speaker 2: outside cat because I'm also allergic to them.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, but you're technically not supposed to have an outside

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Speaker 1: cat because they kill off bird population. They're considered an

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Speaker 1: invasive species.

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Speaker 2: Oh wow, yeah, I mean outside cat. They get mice,

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Speaker 2: they get other things, supposedly like bring them to you

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Speaker 2: and they're like, here's a gift.

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Speaker 1: I feel like on in like a farm or something. Yeah,

400
00:18:41,840 --> 00:18:44,160
Speaker 1: that makes sense, but just like in the neighborhoods, you know.

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00:18:44,080 --> 00:18:45,240
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, no, not in the neighborhood.

402
00:18:45,359 --> 00:18:47,439
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, but on a farm, I'd be like, on

403
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Speaker 1: a farm, go catch.

404
00:18:48,720 --> 00:18:50,280
Speaker 2: The mice, Go catch the mice.

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Speaker 1: But there is an update. Okay, it's been a little

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Speaker 1: over a month since I made that last post, and

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Speaker 1: I want to thank all the commenters for their advice.

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Speaker 1: But one commenter specifically, who I feel really helped me

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Speaker 1: better understand my husband's position, if not his behavior, and

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00:19:04,400 --> 00:19:07,399
Speaker 1: made confronting him about this go a lot smoother. So

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Speaker 1: this commentary, I believe says it sounds to me like

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Speaker 1: he doesn't want to deal with death as anything more

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Speaker 1: than an abstract concept, something that just happens, rather than

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00:19:15,760 --> 00:19:19,439
Speaker 1: something you have to accept and prepare for. If you

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00:19:19,520 --> 00:19:21,840
Speaker 1: just don't think about it, it doesn't seem real. You know,

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Speaker 1: it's scary and difficult, so avoiding really thinking about it

417
00:19:25,400 --> 00:19:28,080
Speaker 1: is understandable. That could be why he's not helping you

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Speaker 1: with the care that would force him to acknowledge the

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Speaker 1: reality of the situation, and why he's hinting that a

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Speaker 1: natural starvation death is better because if the cat dies

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Speaker 1: without you making the choice to help, it's just a

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00:19:38,760 --> 00:19:41,880
Speaker 1: thing that happened he has to accept rather than any choice.

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Speaker 1: Yet to think about I think he needs to talk,

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Speaker 1: really discuss death to try and get to the root

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Speaker 1: of this fear. It's a hard situation and you seem

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Speaker 1: to be dealing it with a completely differently, more realistically

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Speaker 1: for one than him, and he may seem resentful because

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Speaker 1: he can't get to the place of acceptance that you

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Speaker 1: have with the inevitable.

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Speaker 2: Woo oh, that's deep, deep, like all the other stuff's here.

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00:20:04,400 --> 00:20:07,639
Speaker 1: Yeah, that was deep. Whoa, that was the bottom of

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Speaker 1: the iceberg. No, I think this is and Opie does

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00:20:12,400 --> 00:20:14,760
Speaker 1: continue response. But I just wanted to say, it feels

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Speaker 1: like if the husband was like, the husband was given

435
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Speaker 1: a trolley problem and he's like, you know the trolley problem.

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00:20:20,080 --> 00:20:22,840
Speaker 1: It's like, basically, you have one got on and then

437
00:20:22,880 --> 00:20:25,520
Speaker 1: five people, but you're headed towards the five people, and

438
00:20:25,560 --> 00:20:27,680
Speaker 1: then you can decide to change the tracks to head

439
00:20:27,680 --> 00:20:31,040
Speaker 1: towards the one person and so but I feel like

440
00:20:31,119 --> 00:20:33,080
Speaker 1: he would just let the five people die because he

441
00:20:33,080 --> 00:20:37,600
Speaker 1: doesn't have to make a choice. This is his trolley problem,

442
00:20:37,680 --> 00:20:41,320
Speaker 1: and Opi continues, you really nail this talent, Fay. I

443
00:20:41,320 --> 00:20:43,120
Speaker 1: think a lot of this has to do with my

444
00:20:43,160 --> 00:20:45,520
Speaker 1: mom dying, which is still very fresh for all of us.

445
00:20:45,880 --> 00:20:48,679
Speaker 1: Her death touched us in different ways. For me, it

446
00:20:48,720 --> 00:20:51,359
Speaker 1: gave me a weird, manic complex about having to save

447
00:20:51,400 --> 00:20:54,040
Speaker 1: the cat. Looking back, that has to be unhealthy for me.

448
00:20:54,440 --> 00:20:56,320
Speaker 1: I can't really stress how much of my time went

449
00:20:56,359 --> 00:20:58,560
Speaker 1: into caring for the cat. And I can sit here

450
00:20:58,600 --> 00:21:00,680
Speaker 1: and say my husband wouldn't help me do any of it,

451
00:21:00,720 --> 00:21:03,359
Speaker 1: and it'd be partially true. But the bigger part of

452
00:21:03,359 --> 00:21:05,760
Speaker 1: the truth none of his efforts would have been good

453
00:21:05,840 --> 00:21:09,960
Speaker 1: enough because my standards were so unreasonably high. I didn't

454
00:21:09,960 --> 00:21:12,920
Speaker 1: really want him involved because his investment didn't match mine.

455
00:21:13,359 --> 00:21:15,600
Speaker 1: I couldn't at the time I made that post, but

456
00:21:15,680 --> 00:21:18,680
Speaker 1: I could admit that now. Some of the blame there

457
00:21:18,840 --> 00:21:21,680
Speaker 1: is my own. For him, my mom's death has made

458
00:21:21,720 --> 00:21:24,520
Speaker 1: him face his own mortality. He turned forty last month,

459
00:21:24,600 --> 00:21:28,000
Speaker 1: and he's been very avoidant of death, almost angry whenever

460
00:21:28,040 --> 00:21:30,840
Speaker 1: I brought it up. You know, I can't really relate

461
00:21:30,880 --> 00:21:32,760
Speaker 1: to how his experience with the cat must have been

462
00:21:33,200 --> 00:21:35,160
Speaker 1: because I was too busy trying to be a.

463
00:21:35,080 --> 00:21:35,880
Speaker 2: Hero about it.

464
00:21:36,359 --> 00:21:39,719
Speaker 1: Wow, this is so deep, this is existential. We were

465
00:21:39,720 --> 00:21:42,760
Speaker 1: both unfairly projecting things onto the cat for me, my mom,

466
00:21:42,960 --> 00:21:47,560
Speaker 1: for him himself. I understand that now, only excepting that

467
00:21:47,600 --> 00:21:49,280
Speaker 1: the cat couldn't be saved and it was just his

468
00:21:49,400 --> 00:21:51,240
Speaker 1: time to go. I think that was good for me

469
00:21:51,560 --> 00:21:53,760
Speaker 1: in a kind of roundabout way. It helped me better

470
00:21:53,800 --> 00:21:54,800
Speaker 1: accept my mom's death.

471
00:21:54,920 --> 00:21:55,399
Speaker 2: Oh wow.

472
00:21:55,560 --> 00:21:57,919
Speaker 1: But for him it was nothing like that. Accepting the

473
00:21:57,960 --> 00:22:00,840
Speaker 1: cat's death, even having a direct hand, it led to

474
00:22:00,920 --> 00:22:04,800
Speaker 1: a much darker place. This is like the cat is

475
00:22:04,840 --> 00:22:08,800
Speaker 1: a metaphor for death. This is what it reads like

476
00:22:08,880 --> 00:22:09,040
Speaker 1: it is.

477
00:22:09,080 --> 00:22:10,679
Speaker 2: I would like to know more about the husband, like

478
00:22:10,880 --> 00:22:13,960
Speaker 2: how old he was whenever he had that traumatic experience

479
00:22:14,000 --> 00:22:14,679
Speaker 2: with putting down.

480
00:22:14,960 --> 00:22:16,520
Speaker 1: I feel like he would pat down.

481
00:22:16,720 --> 00:22:19,919
Speaker 2: Yeah the first time, because working in a royal farm area,

482
00:22:20,119 --> 00:22:23,240
Speaker 2: whenever things like that happened, we don't really talk about it. Yeah,

483
00:22:23,280 --> 00:22:24,960
Speaker 2: we're just like it's a way alive and you have

484
00:22:25,000 --> 00:22:27,080
Speaker 2: to kind of have a cold shoulder about it. But

485
00:22:27,320 --> 00:22:28,760
Speaker 2: my parents did a good job of like giving me

486
00:22:28,800 --> 00:22:31,800
Speaker 2: a different perspective of it. But I feel like he

487
00:22:31,840 --> 00:22:34,080
Speaker 2: didn't have a place to voice that safely.

488
00:22:34,280 --> 00:22:35,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's true.

489
00:22:35,119 --> 00:22:37,520
Speaker 2: This is way of like avoiding it because that's how

490
00:22:37,520 --> 00:22:38,679
Speaker 2: he did whenever he was younger.

491
00:22:38,800 --> 00:22:41,439
Speaker 1: True, But knowing all that, I was able to have

492
00:22:41,480 --> 00:22:44,720
Speaker 1: a more productive conversation with him, he still didn't want

493
00:22:44,760 --> 00:22:47,640
Speaker 1: to do it. I'll make aness. He even openly confessed

494
00:22:47,680 --> 00:22:50,080
Speaker 1: that he knew putting the cat down was the objectively

495
00:22:50,160 --> 00:22:52,840
Speaker 1: right thing to do, and that he understood where I

496
00:22:52,920 --> 00:22:55,479
Speaker 1: was coming from, But he just couldn't get past being

497
00:22:55,600 --> 00:22:58,399
Speaker 1: the direct cause of his death. Playing god, he called it.

498
00:22:58,920 --> 00:23:00,920
Speaker 1: He kept saying all these things about how the cat

499
00:23:00,960 --> 00:23:03,680
Speaker 1: could still dream, could still lay in the sun, could

500
00:23:03,760 --> 00:23:05,800
Speaker 1: still be petted and curl up in his bed, and

501
00:23:05,840 --> 00:23:08,639
Speaker 1: if he died, he'd lose those things, Opie continues. I

502
00:23:08,720 --> 00:23:10,800
Speaker 1: read something online, and I don't have a link and

503
00:23:10,880 --> 00:23:14,320
Speaker 1: can't remember verbatim, but it went something like animals don't

504
00:23:14,320 --> 00:23:17,040
Speaker 1: think of the future and don't fondly recall the past.

505
00:23:17,240 --> 00:23:20,320
Speaker 1: They only know what's happening right now. They aren't humans,

506
00:23:20,359 --> 00:23:22,520
Speaker 1: I explained to him. They don't have a concept of

507
00:23:22,560 --> 00:23:25,399
Speaker 1: this might be better tomorrow, that medication might start working,

508
00:23:25,440 --> 00:23:28,720
Speaker 1: a miracle might happen. So it's unfair to project human

509
00:23:28,800 --> 00:23:31,480
Speaker 1: concepts onto them. They don't have the ability to put

510
00:23:31,520 --> 00:23:34,760
Speaker 1: the pleasure of an afternoon laying in the sunshine above suffering,

511
00:23:35,040 --> 00:23:38,399
Speaker 1: because that suffering will eclipse it. Oh my goodness, this

512
00:23:38,480 --> 00:23:40,240
Speaker 1: is OPI is common.

513
00:23:39,960 --> 00:23:41,359
Speaker 2: At him with the facts.

514
00:23:41,640 --> 00:23:44,359
Speaker 1: It wasn't just one conversation. We kept it going. I

515
00:23:44,440 --> 00:23:46,680
Speaker 1: told him how I told him how much it hurt

516
00:23:46,720 --> 00:23:49,000
Speaker 1: to imply I was trying to murder the cat or

517
00:23:49,040 --> 00:23:51,359
Speaker 1: that I only wanted him gone because of convenience, and

518
00:23:51,400 --> 00:23:54,680
Speaker 1: he apologized. He said he felt embarrassed about reacting that way,

519
00:23:54,760 --> 00:23:57,960
Speaker 1: but that it was more internally directed at himself than me.

520
00:23:58,520 --> 00:24:00,919
Speaker 1: I also recruited his mom. We didn't gang up on

521
00:24:01,000 --> 00:24:02,879
Speaker 1: him or anything, but I felt like it'd be helpful

522
00:24:02,880 --> 00:24:05,720
Speaker 1: to have someone outside of the situation speak to him

523
00:24:05,760 --> 00:24:06,959
Speaker 1: about it. And I think it was.

524
00:24:07,080 --> 00:24:08,200
Speaker 2: Oh good, that's good.

525
00:24:08,280 --> 00:24:10,400
Speaker 1: About a week after I made that post, the cat

526
00:24:10,480 --> 00:24:14,879
Speaker 1: began showing blood in his urine. Ooh, this is absolutely

527
00:24:14,960 --> 00:24:20,040
Speaker 1: the time to like, I mean, if not before now, like,

528
00:24:20,080 --> 00:24:23,040
Speaker 1: this is obviously the pain. I told my husband it

529
00:24:23,080 --> 00:24:25,520
Speaker 1: was time. I told my husband it was time. I

530
00:24:25,600 --> 00:24:27,679
Speaker 1: wasn't willing to walk into the vet's office with the

531
00:24:27,680 --> 00:24:31,040
Speaker 1: only intention of treating a trivial bladder problem to what end,

532
00:24:31,520 --> 00:24:33,560
Speaker 1: And I also wasn't willing to watch him straining to

533
00:24:33,680 --> 00:24:37,000
Speaker 1: urinate and be an obvious pain. Neither it was acceptable.

534
00:24:37,600 --> 00:24:40,480
Speaker 1: He agreed that this was the objectively right course of action,

535
00:24:40,720 --> 00:24:42,960
Speaker 1: but it was very hard on him. I made the

536
00:24:42,960 --> 00:24:44,800
Speaker 1: decision on a weekend, so we had to wait for

537
00:24:44,840 --> 00:24:47,800
Speaker 1: Monday morning. This gave us a couple great last days

538
00:24:47,800 --> 00:24:50,360
Speaker 1: with our baby. I felt like my husband mostly avoided

539
00:24:50,400 --> 00:24:53,320
Speaker 1: thinking of it until Monday morning. Though when it came,

540
00:24:53,600 --> 00:24:56,840
Speaker 1: the cat was having a very rare good day. This

541
00:24:56,920 --> 00:24:59,520
Speaker 1: went two very different ways for us. I was glad.

542
00:24:59,720 --> 00:25:01,640
Speaker 1: I thought his last day on this earth isn't going

543
00:25:01,640 --> 00:25:04,040
Speaker 1: to be awful. He ate more than usual, he was

544
00:25:04,080 --> 00:25:07,119
Speaker 1: more alert than usual. He'd be ending his life on

545
00:25:07,160 --> 00:25:10,080
Speaker 1: a positive note. I was relieved, but this caused my

546
00:25:10,160 --> 00:25:13,760
Speaker 1: husband a lot of agony. I'm sure you can imagine.

547
00:25:13,880 --> 00:25:16,440
Speaker 1: Quote he's having such a good day for ones, can't

548
00:25:16,440 --> 00:25:18,640
Speaker 1: he just enjoy it. He wanted to put it off,

549
00:25:18,720 --> 00:25:21,240
Speaker 1: but I said no, because then we just want to

550
00:25:21,240 --> 00:25:24,680
Speaker 1: put it off another day, then another day, then another day.

551
00:25:25,080 --> 00:25:26,160
Speaker 1: There was never going to.

552
00:25:26,080 --> 00:25:26,879
Speaker 2: Be a good day for it.

553
00:25:27,160 --> 00:25:28,800
Speaker 1: He couldn't come with me to have it done, which

554
00:25:28,880 --> 00:25:31,720
Speaker 1: was something I completely understood and was okay with. I

555
00:25:31,800 --> 00:25:34,159
Speaker 1: had another family member ready to go with me so

556
00:25:34,480 --> 00:25:39,199
Speaker 1: that I wasn't alone. Oh that's it. Like I understand

557
00:25:39,200 --> 00:25:41,199
Speaker 1: that he couldn't come, but still it's sad to have

558
00:25:41,240 --> 00:25:41,560
Speaker 1: to like.

559
00:25:41,880 --> 00:25:45,560
Speaker 2: Yeah, drive your cat to the that. Oh yeah.

560
00:25:45,600 --> 00:25:47,959
Speaker 1: Also, there's a thing where, like close to the end

561
00:25:48,000 --> 00:25:50,600
Speaker 1: of their life, a pet can kind of seem more alert.

562
00:25:50,960 --> 00:25:53,119
Speaker 1: I don't want to go into everything that happened, because

563
00:25:53,119 --> 00:25:55,679
Speaker 1: it's still a bit fresh and was very upsetting, but

564
00:25:55,720 --> 00:25:58,240
Speaker 1: I will say that watching my husband's last goodbye to

565
00:25:58,280 --> 00:26:02,760
Speaker 1: the cat was probably the most heartbreaking thing I've ever witnessed.

566
00:26:03,080 --> 00:26:05,520
Speaker 1: I've been with this man for almost fourteen years. I've

567
00:26:05,520 --> 00:26:08,880
Speaker 1: seen him upset, I've seen him sad, I've seen him cry.

568
00:26:09,160 --> 00:26:11,560
Speaker 1: This grief was a whole new level. And if I

569
00:26:11,600 --> 00:26:13,480
Speaker 1: ever had doubts about his love for the cat, then

570
00:26:13,520 --> 00:26:16,320
Speaker 1: I was wrong, and I feel ashamed for ever thinking it.

571
00:26:17,040 --> 00:26:20,200
Speaker 1: We buried him together in our backyard beneath a shady tree.

572
00:26:21,000 --> 00:26:21,639
Speaker 2: Is so sad.

573
00:26:22,640 --> 00:26:24,520
Speaker 1: We still have the instinct that we have a cat.

574
00:26:24,560 --> 00:26:26,480
Speaker 1: We still look around our feet when we push out

575
00:26:26,560 --> 00:26:28,959
Speaker 1: computer chairs to make sure we won't run over something.

576
00:26:29,359 --> 00:26:31,320
Speaker 1: I still wake up at three am and get that

577
00:26:31,400 --> 00:26:34,040
Speaker 1: moment of panic that I've missed a syringe feeding. He

578
00:26:34,160 --> 00:26:36,679
Speaker 1: still closes the hallway door, even though there's nothing to

579
00:26:36,760 --> 00:26:39,080
Speaker 1: keep out of the back rooms. I still wake up

580
00:26:39,160 --> 00:26:41,359
Speaker 1: and expect something to meet me when I enter the

581
00:26:41,359 --> 00:26:44,240
Speaker 1: living room. We still find ourselves setting aside little scraps

582
00:26:44,240 --> 00:26:47,560
Speaker 1: of meat on our dinner plates, but quickly eating them instead.

583
00:26:47,840 --> 00:26:50,320
Speaker 1: It's been very difficult, but every day gets a little better.

584
00:26:50,400 --> 00:26:53,080
Speaker 1: It's probably the first time in the last three years

585
00:26:53,480 --> 00:26:56,119
Speaker 1: we haven't had an illness or death hanging like a

586
00:26:56,160 --> 00:26:59,320
Speaker 1: cloud over our lives. Thanks again for all your advice

587
00:26:59,480 --> 00:27:02,399
Speaker 1: and bushes. They really meant a lot to me.

588
00:27:02,560 --> 00:27:05,320
Speaker 3: Oh there is an edit, but oh my goodness, that

589
00:27:05,440 --> 00:27:07,119
Speaker 3: is so sad, so sad.

590
00:27:07,480 --> 00:27:10,520
Speaker 2: The thing that's very interesting to me is the subconscious

591
00:27:10,840 --> 00:27:14,600
Speaker 2: little maneuvers that they're doing. Yeah, like the like computer chair,

592
00:27:14,760 --> 00:27:15,520
Speaker 2: closing the door.

593
00:27:15,720 --> 00:27:17,439
Speaker 1: You definitely have those for a while.

594
00:27:17,840 --> 00:27:20,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, you don't even realize.

595
00:27:19,640 --> 00:27:22,239
Speaker 1: Because it's just it's like muscle memory. You're just you know,

596
00:27:23,080 --> 00:27:25,640
Speaker 1: you expect to see them and then they're not doing dang.

597
00:27:25,960 --> 00:27:27,400
Speaker 2: Especially want a dog now.

598
00:27:27,480 --> 00:27:30,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, losing the cat makes you want to talk.

599
00:27:30,280 --> 00:27:33,840
Speaker 2: But like some take care of Yeah, have memories.

600
00:27:33,400 --> 00:27:35,719
Speaker 1: With Yeah, eventually we'll get a house where we can

601
00:27:35,760 --> 00:27:36,200
Speaker 1: have a dog.

602
00:27:36,640 --> 00:27:44,879
Speaker 3: Yes, okay dog yeah, yeah, okay, okay, uh dogio okay

603
00:27:44,920 --> 00:27:47,120
Speaker 3: doggio And then you spell it out and spells dog

604
00:27:47,160 --> 00:27:48,960
Speaker 3: o oh do Gio.

605
00:27:49,280 --> 00:27:52,320
Speaker 1: That's cute. I can't reply to every single one, but

606
00:27:52,359 --> 00:27:54,399
Speaker 1: I just really wanted to thank everyone for sharing their

607
00:27:54,400 --> 00:27:58,359
Speaker 1: stories about their own experiences with their pets. It may

608
00:27:58,400 --> 00:28:00,679
Speaker 1: seem silly, but those kinds of comments on this post,

609
00:28:00,720 --> 00:28:03,560
Speaker 1: and especially the last one, were such a huge help

610
00:28:03,560 --> 00:28:05,639
Speaker 1: to me. I didn't have much support at the time.

611
00:28:06,080 --> 00:28:08,400
Speaker 1: No one came along and reassured me, you're not making

612
00:28:08,440 --> 00:28:10,840
Speaker 1: a mistake. This is the right thing. I just kind

613
00:28:10,880 --> 00:28:12,840
Speaker 1: of had to be the main advocate and wrap it

614
00:28:12,880 --> 00:28:15,960
Speaker 1: into the prettiest package possible so I could sell it

615
00:28:16,080 --> 00:28:18,639
Speaker 1: to my husband as the right thing. The vet wouldn't

616
00:28:18,640 --> 00:28:20,720
Speaker 1: even come in and talk to me without me paying

617
00:28:20,760 --> 00:28:24,159
Speaker 1: a complete exam fee. No one offered those kinds of

618
00:28:24,240 --> 00:28:26,720
Speaker 1: words to me, so you all have no idea how

619
00:28:26,760 --> 00:28:29,679
Speaker 1: major a support system that was and continues to be

620
00:28:29,760 --> 00:28:34,280
Speaker 1: for me. Thank you so much. Ah this relevant comments

621
00:28:34,320 --> 00:28:35,960
Speaker 1: and the share of picture of the cat.

622
00:28:36,480 --> 00:28:39,480
Speaker 2: Oh really, oh this is so cute.

623
00:28:40,040 --> 00:28:43,040
Speaker 1: Oh the cat's name is Sasha. This cat is really cute.

624
00:28:43,080 --> 00:28:46,600
Speaker 1: OPI pays cat tax I would love to share some

625
00:28:46,640 --> 00:28:49,160
Speaker 1: pictures of Sasha. Thanks so much for asking. He was

626
00:28:49,200 --> 00:28:51,240
Speaker 1: such a good cat. He never got into trouble or

627
00:28:51,280 --> 00:28:53,720
Speaker 1: went out of bounds. Very chill and laid back.

628
00:28:53,800 --> 00:28:54,040
Speaker 2: Dude.

629
00:28:54,600 --> 00:28:57,040
Speaker 1: A couple of pics of here, of him here with

630
00:28:57,080 --> 00:29:00,760
Speaker 1: our hamsters, who he was convinced were strangely caid kittens.

631
00:29:01,360 --> 00:29:04,840
Speaker 1: That is so adorable. And then Flip Shield says, you

632
00:29:04,880 --> 00:29:06,920
Speaker 1: did the right thing by your furry pal. It's effing

633
00:29:06,960 --> 00:29:11,120
Speaker 1: hard and it effing sucks. More hugs, Opie says, oh man,

634
00:29:11,400 --> 00:29:14,320
Speaker 1: but if this isn't a concise and accurate summation, a

635
00:29:14,360 --> 00:29:19,280
Speaker 1: little thank you for the hugs. Aw, I'm sending hugs

636
00:29:19,280 --> 00:29:19,400
Speaker 1: to you.

637
00:29:19,560 --> 00:29:21,080
Speaker 2: Ape hugs, hugs, hugs.

638
00:29:21,320 --> 00:29:23,360
Speaker 1: It's really really hard to lose a pet. But I

639
00:29:23,360 --> 00:29:24,960
Speaker 1: think at the end of the day, we've said this

640
00:29:25,000 --> 00:29:27,560
Speaker 1: over and over, you can't let your desire to have

641
00:29:27,640 --> 00:29:29,560
Speaker 1: a pet outweigh their quality of life.

642
00:29:29,680 --> 00:29:34,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, this is true. Yeah. If you're really feeling sad, though,

643
00:29:34,120 --> 00:29:37,040
Speaker 2: please join our discord and we have a pets channel

644
00:29:37,640 --> 00:29:39,160
Speaker 2: and you can go look at more pets.

645
00:29:39,280 --> 00:29:41,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, please do pets.

646
00:29:42,000 --> 00:29:45,160
Speaker 2: This this is really tough. Back home, we would have

647
00:29:45,360 --> 00:29:47,680
Speaker 2: definitely taken care of this cat. We would have been

648
00:29:47,680 --> 00:29:50,240
Speaker 2: an outdoor cat to start with, and then nature would

649
00:29:50,240 --> 00:29:52,440
Speaker 2: have had its way and we've been like, dang, what

650
00:29:52,600 --> 00:29:54,400
Speaker 2: happened to old kitty.

651
00:29:54,360 --> 00:29:57,280
Speaker 1: Old kiddy? Uh, never came home.

652
00:29:57,400 --> 00:29:59,720
Speaker 2: But this is really sad because I mean, if they're

653
00:29:59,760 --> 00:30:01,960
Speaker 2: living with you and stuff, it's it's a family member.

654
00:30:02,160 --> 00:30:04,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, no, it definitely is hard. But just the fact

655
00:30:04,120 --> 00:30:07,120
Speaker 1: that I'm still like kind of wary about the fact

656
00:30:07,120 --> 00:30:10,160
Speaker 1: that the husband wasn't helping out because OPI was like, oh, well,

657
00:30:10,200 --> 00:30:12,000
Speaker 1: you know it was taking kind of the blame for

658
00:30:12,040 --> 00:30:15,040
Speaker 1: that and saying, well, he wouldn't have you know, done

659
00:30:15,080 --> 00:30:17,800
Speaker 1: it to my standards of taking care of the cat.

660
00:30:18,080 --> 00:30:21,520
Speaker 1: But Opie also mentioned how the husband wasn't doing other

661
00:30:21,560 --> 00:30:25,160
Speaker 1: household chores. Yeah, there are some other red flags in

662
00:30:25,200 --> 00:30:28,840
Speaker 1: this relationship that I think need to be addressed.

663
00:30:28,880 --> 00:30:31,400
Speaker 2: Some insights I see with the husband is he has

664
00:30:31,560 --> 00:30:35,960
Speaker 2: trouble taking lead with things that he knows needs to

665
00:30:36,000 --> 00:30:37,800
Speaker 2: be done, and if he can't do it, he's just

666
00:30:37,840 --> 00:30:40,080
Speaker 2: gonna put it off, Yeah, and put it off and

667
00:30:40,280 --> 00:30:42,840
Speaker 2: until it's you know, I don't know when he'll even

668
00:30:42,880 --> 00:30:44,800
Speaker 2: take care of the problem. But yeah, he just seems

669
00:30:44,840 --> 00:30:48,200
Speaker 2: to keep delaying it. A procrastinator, He's a procrastinator. I

670
00:30:48,240 --> 00:30:50,440
Speaker 2: think the dead thing has to deal with his childhood

671
00:30:50,480 --> 00:30:50,840
Speaker 2: for sure.

672
00:30:50,920 --> 00:30:52,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, and it might also. I mean he talked about

673
00:30:53,200 --> 00:30:55,360
Speaker 1: or Opie said that he kind of had to confront

674
00:30:55,360 --> 00:30:59,080
Speaker 1: his mortality when Opie's mom died, So maybe there's just but.

675
00:30:59,080 --> 00:31:02,400
Speaker 2: He would get angry when or She would bring up death. Yeah, huh,

676
00:31:02,400 --> 00:31:04,120
Speaker 2: this is an interesting just one.

677
00:31:04,480 --> 00:31:06,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, No, I think he needs to go to therapy.

678
00:31:06,320 --> 00:31:09,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, therapy, join the men's group, get a new cat,

679
00:31:10,160 --> 00:31:12,880
Speaker 2: have someone hear you. Yeah, because I don't know how

680
00:31:12,960 --> 00:31:15,520
Speaker 2: often he was sharing his emotions, but yeah

681
00:31:15,560 --> 00:31:17,440
Speaker 1: Well it seems like she was like, oh, he would cry,

682
00:31:17,520 --> 00:31:20,440
Speaker 1: see him crive, see him be sad, but this level

683
00:31:20,480 --> 00:31:21,960
Speaker 1: of grief was new, gotcha,