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Speaker 1: I feel like I'm like still straight. I'm like hey,

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Speaker 1: and you're like, hey, hey girl, We're gonna be done

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Speaker 1: in like three seconds. Podcast done. You know you told

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Speaker 1: me to start recording when he walked in. I essentially

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Speaker 1: just did that and I didn't tell you. Oh my god,

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Speaker 1: I'm well, I haven't even had coffee. I mean what, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I thought I thought you might must have pounded a

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Speaker 1: pot by now. You know. It's funny like I forget

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Speaker 1: there's a Dunkin Donuts on the way here to add

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Speaker 1: um and I always forget it. And I'm nearly wrecked

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Speaker 1: this morning, thinking like I gotta get in the right

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Speaker 1: hand lte And then I was like, I don't need coffee.

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Speaker 1: I'm wound up a good night sleep last night. I

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Speaker 1: did you know I got a Peloton hashtag? Oh my god,

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Speaker 1: it came in and tell us everything. Thank god, this

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Speaker 1: will be day four and I'm sleeping better already, Like

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Speaker 1: I feel better about myself already, and I'm literally doing

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Speaker 1: twenty minute beginner workouts, but still yesterday I finished. It's

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Speaker 1: for non Peloton users. I don't even know how to

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Speaker 1: explain it yet because it's still so new to me.

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Speaker 1: But when you take a class, you can see like

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Speaker 1: who is currently also taking that class, So there's like

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Speaker 1: a bit of competition. You don't see them. You see

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Speaker 1: it like in a leaderboard. Yeah yeah, like you can

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Speaker 1: see everyone who's ever taken it, and then you can

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Speaker 1: see like who is currently taking it and like so

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Speaker 1: it makes it a little bit competitive. And yesterday I

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Speaker 1: finished first and like what look at you? You know

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Speaker 1: what this means? Right around the corner? Just wear a mask?

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Speaker 1: Can I let's talk about this is so not on topic,

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Speaker 1: and it's just because I watched it this morning. I'm

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Speaker 1: still thinking about it. But MEGANA. Stallion was on SNL

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Speaker 1: last weekend and they did a skit that was called

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Speaker 1: like something about you've got to see the bottom of

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Speaker 1: her face before you actually take her home, because they're

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Speaker 1: talking about how when you meet someone now they are

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Speaker 1: wearing a mask that you don't know what to happen

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Speaker 1: buck teeth, Well that's what they said, Like what if

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Speaker 1: she's missing teeth? What if she turned to this that

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Speaker 1: and she looks like Jay Leno because you know, like

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Speaker 1: or has like a beard like a food man shoo mustache.

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Speaker 1: I mean, it's like so funny. So if you guys

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Speaker 1: haven't seen that yet. Chris Rock was the host, Megan

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Speaker 1: the Stallion was the musical guest, and I heard it

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Speaker 1: was brilliant. I heard them. The skit about the debate

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Speaker 1: was really I need to go watch. I need to

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Speaker 1: go watch. Did you watch the debate last night? Oh? Yes,

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Speaker 1: the fly that's the only thing I ordered, the fly swatter.

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Speaker 1: Biden is selling a fly swatter right now already. Oh yeah,

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Speaker 1: look at that brilliant idea. They had the u r

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Speaker 1: L which she said on air, I will vote dot com.

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Speaker 1: Last night they bought fly will vote dot com and

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Speaker 1: it just read whoever came up with that is they

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Speaker 1: need to raise. That was brilliant. And then there's the

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Speaker 1: fly swatter says truth before flies or something like that.

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Speaker 1: Is so smart. Yeah, it's so amazing. Oh my god, sucks.

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Speaker 1: I mean everyone needs a fly swatter, right. It's like

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Speaker 1: it's depending on what side you're on, obviously you're going

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Speaker 1: to look at the fly as very meaningful for whatever,

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Speaker 1: Like you might buy fly swatter or I've seen other

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Speaker 1: people who are actually voting for Trump and pints uh

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Speaker 1: say that they've been looking up the spiritual meaning of

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Speaker 1: flies and it's like bringing prosperity and all these things.

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Speaker 1: You know. So it's whatever side you're on. I think

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Speaker 1: you can argue that the fly was very meaningful. Well,

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Speaker 1: it's funny because I saw it on Twitter and then

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Speaker 1: I had to google it myself just to like be

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Speaker 1: sure it was the actual water. Well no, um, the

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Speaker 1: biblical meaning of flies, and it's said, and this is

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Speaker 1: from Dreaming and Sleeping dot com. It's some biblical thing

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Speaker 1: in the Bible. Flies have a completely different meaning. They

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Speaker 1: represent everything that is bad. Some even consider them descendants

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Speaker 1: of the devil. Flies represent the worst evil and personification

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Speaker 1: of the worst on our planet. Do you think that

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Speaker 1: this is one of those cases of we make things

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Speaker 1: into whatever it is. But it's like the Joaks right themselves,

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Speaker 1: Like of course, I mean I have seen so many memes.

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Speaker 1: It's all it's been about today. The fly has their

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Speaker 1: own Twitter and its own like Instagram has followers than this. Um, wait,

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Speaker 1: what's the other thing I was going to say? Oh,

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Speaker 1: I mean what I love about the fly swatter is

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Speaker 1: it's kind of taking a page out of Trump's book

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Speaker 1: because remember like when he when there was that whole

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Speaker 1: scandal about like where the hurricane was going to go

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Speaker 1: and he used the sharpie to like drawl it in. Well,

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Speaker 1: then he started selling Sharpie's. Whoever plays you got to

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Speaker 1: play into the check, you know, he sold when the

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Speaker 1: whole thing about like banning straws, and he was like,

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Speaker 1: people are crazy. They started selling Trump straws. I mean,

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Speaker 1: this is this is what I always say about the Kardashians,

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Speaker 1: not to go back to how much I'd love to

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Speaker 1: toot their horn for being smart business people, but they

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Speaker 1: were always in on the joke. And if you're in

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Speaker 1: on the joke, then you just can make a ton

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Speaker 1: of money. Problem with the straw joke is like if

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Speaker 1: feeds the problem and the problem with that and they

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Speaker 1: were like it was like ten straws for fifteen dollars,

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Speaker 1: like plastic sences. Okay, so you're ripping off people but

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Speaker 1: and sort of still hurting the environment. So although I

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Speaker 1: think it's funny and brilliant, like I don't recommend anybody

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Speaker 1: go ship you not. I just got a notification from

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Speaker 1: Cosmo that says a fly lean through a Mike Pence

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Speaker 1: Mike Pence's head during a debate, and the memes are

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Speaker 1: all that anyone's talking about today. It's amazing. Yeah, it's everywhere.

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Speaker 1: Um well, we digress, but I wanted to get into

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Speaker 1: a couple of the messages we got from last week's podcast. First, Um,

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Speaker 1: the Brittany conversation brought. You know, a lot of people

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Speaker 1: have some things to say. She was dope, like everyone

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Speaker 1: loved Brittany. Everyone was also shook about going to the dentist, Like,

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Speaker 1: I seriously feel like we did something really great for society.

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Speaker 1: I have a coworker whose father is a dentist, and

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Speaker 1: she like, before she listened, she was like I think

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Speaker 1: she like, maybe it was something you posted. She was like,

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Speaker 1: I'm scared to listen. What is it? It's like no

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Speaker 1: oral sex before you visit your dad. And then she

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Speaker 1: really started rethinking every time she's ever been to the dentist.

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Speaker 1: I mean, could you imagine it's your dad and he's

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Speaker 1: like or like the deadal High Genesis is like, honey,

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Speaker 1: you need to go home, right. She's like, you know what,

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Speaker 1: you don't need to see your daughter today. Don't worry

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Speaker 1: about it. Everything looks good. Um. So this girl, this

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Speaker 1: is from not Jessica. I want to read her second

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Speaker 1: this one, Oh my gosh, I can't even operate a phone.

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Speaker 1: You're like over here flying and I just can't even

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Speaker 1: go through my phone. Okay, so this says Hey Kelly.

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Speaker 1: So I was listening to your Newest at Casual podcast

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Speaker 1: and when Brittany talked about an STD and blow jobs,

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Speaker 1: it reminded me of something that happened to me. I

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Speaker 1: was hooking up casually with this guy. And then the

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Speaker 1: next day I got a text asking if I had

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Speaker 1: an STD. I told him no, and he said he

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Speaker 1: thinks he has herpies because there's a rash or something

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Speaker 1: on his dick and that he's going to the doctor.

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Speaker 1: I called my BFF drying because herpes is no joke.

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Speaker 1: He then text me after his appointment and said it

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Speaker 1: was bruising from his getting his dick sucked. Homeboy couldn't

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Speaker 1: tell the difference between a b J bruise and an STD.

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Speaker 1: I just need to back up for a second. B

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Speaker 1: J Bruce, So is this common? Am I missing something? Well?

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Speaker 1: You know, bruises are caused by blood, like like he

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Speaker 1: sucked too hard, like a hicky. It's basically a dickie

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Speaker 1: dickie he is We need a really seriously, get a

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Speaker 1: fucking notepad because he's on fire today. I feel like

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Speaker 1: we're going to make billions of dollars. We can't talk

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Speaker 1: about Mike Pence selling I mean Biden selling fly swatters

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Speaker 1: and then you guys pre order the Dickie. I'm just

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Speaker 1: going to film you right now and I will post

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Speaker 1: this for you guys on my Instagram. But Ship is

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Speaker 1: taking down merch ideas. There we go, merch number one, Dicky.

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Speaker 1: We're going to get rich. Great. My mom's going to

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Speaker 1: be so proud when I'm like sending out merch that

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Speaker 1: says things like Dicky or got analse it just keep

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Speaker 1: it a classy over here on that casual Hey, you

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Speaker 1: gotta wear it proud. Yeah. Well, so I just did

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Speaker 1: not understand that bruising was so normal with blow jobs. Well,

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Speaker 1: I mean, I get, look, you can bite it like

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Speaker 1: it can get sucked, but nobody likes to bite it,

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Speaker 1: right Or is that some strick that I need to

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Speaker 1: know about. No, no, no, no, I don't think that

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Speaker 1: anyone likes it being bitten. I mean, there's a little

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Speaker 1: nibbling that can be fun, but you don't want like

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Speaker 1: the teeth scype some people like accidentally do it. Yeah, that.

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Speaker 1: I mean, it's it. Can you know blunt force trauma

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Speaker 1: is real? I mean, would you wake up in the morning.

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Speaker 1: Have you ever seen like a bruise on your dick? Really? Really,

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Speaker 1: you can break your dick? Okay, I can see that,

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Speaker 1: like if a girl was on top, I can see

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Speaker 1: how that could happen. Actually pretty easy, like if it's

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Speaker 1: slipped out and then you went back, but like hit

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Speaker 1: or didn't hit the whole right, trying to not say

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Speaker 1: they knew someone who had broken their dick twice. Okay,

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Speaker 1: if you do it once, that's bad. But twice, I mean,

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Speaker 1: what is this saying where it's like, fool me once

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Speaker 1: you break my dick once, shame on you break my

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Speaker 1: dick twice, shame on me. The rhyme there is, it's

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Speaker 1: a little off. We will work on that. Work on that. Well,

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Speaker 1: here you go, break my dick, wants fuck you break twice?

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Speaker 1: Fuck me? Me? Oh my god? Now here you guys

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Speaker 1: with the note Patigan, I hope other people think this

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Speaker 1: kind of stuff is funny and not just stupid, because

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Speaker 1: I think it's hilarious. Okay, so let's go back to

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Speaker 1: the messages. I'm sorry now I have to scroll through

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Speaker 1: the videos that I have of you. So Jessica wrote

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Speaker 1: it into us about queefing, because we did talk a

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Speaker 1: little bit about that last week as well, and she said, so,

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Speaker 1: I have historically not queaked during sex, but I dated

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Speaker 1: this one guy for a few months and I always

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Speaker 1: queaked during sex always. It was so embarrassing, but it

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Speaker 1: was not good sex. He always made me be on

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Speaker 1: top and I would have to be on top for

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Speaker 1: so long I felt it felt like hours. I don't

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Speaker 1: know how she had the thigh strength to do that,

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Speaker 1: That's my first thought. Um. At one time, my legs

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Speaker 1: were so sore from riding him that I could barely

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Speaker 1: walk the next day, like I did leg day at

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Speaker 1: the gym. I mean, I told this is what I'm saying,

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Speaker 1: This is like a serious workout. I've been with my

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Speaker 1: now husband for almost ten years and never queef no

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Speaker 1: matter the position. I think that was my vagina's way

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Speaker 1: of telling me to dump that boring sex asshole. I

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Speaker 1: love Jesco, but remember I told you I was like something.

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Speaker 1: You were like, I mean, I mean, something's going right

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Speaker 1: with the queefing, And I was like, does it though?

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Speaker 1: I don't know, because like Honestly, if I ever queaf,

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Speaker 1: it's usually because the pumping is too much and I'm

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Speaker 1: just not into a pump necessarily. All that. It's air.

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Speaker 1: It's just air, right, But Jessica, don't ever just like

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Speaker 1: let some guy be like he made me be on

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Speaker 1: top all the time? Fuck him, right, bitch, you do

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Speaker 1: all these what you want. Yes, honestly, if you're on top,

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Speaker 1: especially well totally. I mean that's a lot of work

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Speaker 1: being on the top as a girl because you have

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Speaker 1: to use so much thigh strength. I'm telling you, the

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Speaker 1: burn is real. Yeah, it's funny because I feel like

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Speaker 1: guys would assume that it's easier because you're just like sitting.

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Speaker 1: You're not. Like this shows how much you don't have

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Speaker 1: sex with girls. You're not just sitting. I mean you

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Speaker 1: have to use your upper thigh strength, your hips, like

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Speaker 1: your hip flexors get tight. It's a lot. There's like

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Speaker 1: a couple of ways you can do it too. Are

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Speaker 1: you gonna do the podcast? You're gonna keep looking at

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Speaker 1: your phone right now? Oh god, this is It's like

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Speaker 1: you go through drawers, you check your text messages, like,

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Speaker 1: am I just not interesting to you? I'm also managing

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Speaker 1: a band that had a question. Okay, band, I can

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Speaker 1: I can answer it later. Um, I don't even remember

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Speaker 1: what I was saying. You were talking about sitting on top,

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Speaker 1: just sitting now, it's working on top, tip, you're working,

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Speaker 1: You're doing the work you're putting in. Some telling sounds

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Speaker 1: like this guy was like, sit here. But this just

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Speaker 1: the leg day thing makes total sense to me. There's

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Speaker 1: been times where I have done leg Day and I

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Speaker 1: can't be on top that night. It's like that is

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Speaker 1: not gonna happen. It's too hard. The burn is too real,

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Speaker 1: too much like acid. What does that mean? What makes

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Speaker 1: your muscles burn? Oh? Yeah, pump that through your body

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Speaker 1: and wonder if that would bruise. Okay, so this one's

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Speaker 1: from ray Anne. I think that's how you say your name.

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Speaker 1: Thoroughly enjoyed this week's at Casual. Cried actual tears laughing

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Speaker 1: with y'all. We love hearing that. Venus fly Trap had me.

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Speaker 1: I also feel like big brother or whoever keeps tabs

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Speaker 1: on your Google history must be so entertained. I did

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Speaker 1: not think about that until she said that, and then

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Speaker 1: I was like, oh my gosh, this at Casual. Pod

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Speaker 1: Gast has now made my Google search, probably like pretty bad.

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Speaker 1: You might be on a sexophen Literally, I'm like gonna

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Speaker 1: not be able to move by schools pretty soon or something.

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Speaker 1: Do you get like dildo ads and stuff I don't

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Speaker 1: feel like? I mean, I've been working with a vibrator company. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: So then you're saying on your computer, yeah, like, have

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Speaker 1: you noticed like any of your ads changing? Not yet,

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Speaker 1: thank god, now that they're listening to Siri, Oh my god,

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Speaker 1: we're gonna start and keep it in your ad. Could

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Speaker 1: you imagine like you're just sitting there trying to do

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Speaker 1: actual work on your computer and likes you call your

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Speaker 1: coworker and you're like, hey, well can you check this out?

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Speaker 1: And you pull up the thing and it's like all

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Speaker 1: the banners are like sexual related. You're like from theddle

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Speaker 1: and out. It's just like everyone's gonna think you have

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Speaker 1: some real problems. Really no, no, no, no, I was

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Speaker 1: just doing a podcast about this stuff. Every every ad

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Speaker 1: I get is for loft beds. By the way, However,

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Speaker 1: you saying, well, it's a hashtag ad for you know,

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Speaker 1: it's the beds I got. I love them. And then

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Speaker 1: one of your clients also has been working with them.

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Speaker 1: They're amazing. The beds are so soft. I need Oh

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Speaker 1: my god. He's like, Nicole, are you listening? Um, okay,

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Speaker 1: So should we get into the topic for this thing.

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Speaker 1: So last night I was driving home from work and

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Speaker 1: I was thinking to myself because, like my boyfriend and

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Speaker 1: I have been working through like full transparency conversations, which

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Speaker 1: are so difficult, right, Like you can have a really

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Speaker 1: good relationship, I feel, and not be um lying to

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Speaker 1: each other or anything like that, but you're learning how

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Speaker 1: to actually be fully yourself. Like to me, that's like

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Speaker 1: full intimacy, you know, and it's hard. But we've been

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Speaker 1: working on doing that like more and better and trying

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Speaker 1: to be adults in a relationship. You know, it's like

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Speaker 1: real life. And um, I was driving home and I

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Speaker 1: was thinking to myself, I really like that, Like I'm

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Speaker 1: really happy with doing that with him, and I love

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Speaker 1: that we can try to come to each other with

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Speaker 1: real truth all of these things and it is so

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Speaker 1: relieving and you feel seen, you know. And I was

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Speaker 1: just like, I wonder if other people do that, you know.

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Speaker 1: My trying of thought just started going on this the

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Speaker 1: whole thing, and the first thing that popped into my

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Speaker 1: mind about women line, because like there's a lot of

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Speaker 1: articles about women cheating to right, and so that was

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Speaker 1: I was kind of like, I wonder if that's the

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Speaker 1: biggest area that women lie to men. And then I

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Speaker 1: was like, oh my god, I bet it is about

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Speaker 1: faking orgasms. And then that's such a like I was

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Speaker 1: about to say, a daily thing, but I don't know

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Speaker 1: how much people are having sex, but it's like such

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Speaker 1: a natural, probably happens all the time thing within a

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Speaker 1: relationship that I think that women a lot of women

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Speaker 1: probably justify in their head that that's not a lie.

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Speaker 1: What do you think? Yeah, I mean I don't think that.

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Speaker 1: When you sent me the topic last night, I was

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Speaker 1: it was. It struck me because it never occurred to

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Speaker 1: me as a lie. It was a lie. And I

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Speaker 1: bet you one of women have faked an orgasm at

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Speaker 1: some point in my life. I would say probably so

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Speaker 1: in doing my research, a lot of times it's, you know,

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Speaker 1: the first time you have sex, because why would you

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Speaker 1: do it the first time? Though? I think it's just

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Speaker 1: because you don't know any better, Like what you think

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Speaker 1: sex is about is the orgasm and not that actual

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Speaker 1: right of having fun with and connecting with the person

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Speaker 1: and you know, the guy's done in thirty seconds and

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Speaker 1: like did you come And you're like, I mean, you

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Speaker 1: might have to fake the orgasm, but you lied about

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Speaker 1: having one, right, because he doesn't know any better either, right.

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Speaker 1: And that was what was so interesting for me to

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Speaker 1: think about because actually, like when you're talking about the

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Speaker 1: first time, I'm thinking, well, you wouldn't do it the

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Speaker 1: first time because like you don't care if you went

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Speaker 1: down may but you might and um, yeah, It's just

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Speaker 1: such an interesting thought because I guarantee you, like you said,

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Speaker 1: most women have at some point in their life faked

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Speaker 1: an orgasm and they don't look at it as lying

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Speaker 1: because it's just like I just had to do there's

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Speaker 1: some sort of justification. Yeah. So I asked the question

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Speaker 1: on my Instagram to the women, do you guys consider

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Speaker 1: this lying? Do you um do this still? Like are

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Speaker 1: we still doing this here in? And it was really

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Speaker 1: mixed results. So I was actually like I thought a

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Speaker 1: lot of people would be like hell no, you know,

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Speaker 1: like power of the postsegue mentality like here we go.

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Speaker 1: But there was a lot of um women who had

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Speaker 1: the old mentality of yes I do it. I don't

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Speaker 1: think it's lying it's for his own good because I

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Speaker 1: don't want to bruce his ego, right, can you? I mean,

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Speaker 1: I've got in all of my research that was sort

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Speaker 1: of like the main underlying reason why women do it

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Speaker 1: is to like lift their man up. But like, are

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Speaker 1: you really there because it's such a false thing. Well mine,

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Speaker 1: it probably does lift him up, but like the fuck,

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Speaker 1: like aren't aren't you supposed to be deriving personal pleasure

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Speaker 1: out of sex? Like this is on a one sided act,

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Speaker 1: Like it's really like I think I would and obviously

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Speaker 1: it's been a long time since I've had sex with

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Speaker 1: a woman, but like I feel like I would be

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Speaker 1: devastated to find out that, like in the end, there

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Speaker 1: wasn't real pleasure for them. And that's not to say

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Speaker 1: that like the rest of a sexual act is not pleasurable,

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Speaker 1: because there's a lot of ways that you can derive

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Speaker 1: sex pleasure from sex um it should not be all

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Speaker 1: about the orgasm. But at the end of the day,

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Speaker 1: if that's the if that's the truth, then why even

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Speaker 1: lie about it, Like just be like, sweetheart, you have

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Speaker 1: been sucking me for way too long. You stay hard

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Speaker 1: too long, Like that would actually make a guy like

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Speaker 1: proud to like too long. It depends on how you

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Speaker 1: say it. I can you know what I mean, because

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Speaker 1: that was one of the reasons that a lot of

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Speaker 1: women fake orgasm is because we're just tired or it's

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Speaker 1: like it's a more you're having like a morning quickie

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Speaker 1: or an avenine quickie, and like like I can get

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Speaker 1: to work, my lunch hour has been over for five minutes.

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Speaker 1: You know. Um. A lot of the men that wrote

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Speaker 1: in were upset by this because they were like, yeah, absolutely,

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Speaker 1: it's lying, and like I would want to know because

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Speaker 1: I want to know how to get her off, you know.

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Speaker 1: And so if she's telling me that she's having an

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Speaker 1: orgasm but she's really not, then first of all, I

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Speaker 1: feel misled, but second of all, like I don't know

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Speaker 1: how to do it any better than you know. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I mean it's you need the instruction. Yeah, like this

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Speaker 1: guy said, absolutely, it is lying. You're misleading the guy

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Speaker 1: into thinking he is doing something correctly into your satisfaction.

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Speaker 1: I prefer straightforward women. You can't get better if you

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Speaker 1: don't know where you truly stand totally. It's I mean,

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Speaker 1: it's a great point. Yeah, It's like I read a

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Speaker 1: bunch of articles that talked about um, like penetration isn't

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Speaker 1: really how women have orgasms, which isn't always true, by

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Speaker 1: the way, but like it's harder for us to do

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Speaker 1: it that way, like you usually need clitoral stimulation of

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Speaker 1: some sort, and um that a lot of women in

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Speaker 1: when they fake it, Like it's like very obvious really

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Speaker 1: if you know anything about how to give a woman

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Speaker 1: an orgasm, because it's not we're not going to be

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Speaker 1: like two pumps and done, like you said, like it's

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Speaker 1: not gonna be like pump, pump, pump, Right, there might

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Speaker 1: be some women whose body because I do think orgasm

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Speaker 1: is also like a very mental thing. I could say.

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Speaker 1: So I think if you can get yourself into the

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Speaker 1: headspace where you're like you just sort of like let

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Speaker 1: your body be free. Yeah, but I think a lot

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Speaker 1: of times, like if you've been faking an orgasm for

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Speaker 1: two years with a guy, like you're never going to

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Speaker 1: get there mentally because now you're this is just your approach. Right.

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Speaker 1: I want to actually touch on that topic in a minute,

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Speaker 1: but I'm gonna read through some of these listener responses

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Speaker 1: first because we can so we can get like the

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Speaker 1: different cage of them. But so this one's from Mary Liz.

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Speaker 1: She says, I think so as far as it's lying

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Speaker 1: in a relationship. In a relationship, that is, if it's

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Speaker 1: casual sex and if it's bad and don't plan on

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Speaker 1: sleeping with them again, you can just fake it to

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Speaker 1: be done. Like I actually thought that too, if you're

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Speaker 1: just like I'm never gonna have sex with this guy again,

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Speaker 1: like I just need to be doing yeah, she said,

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Speaker 1: But in a relationship, I think it's important to be

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Speaker 1: honest if you are just feeling not feeling it, or

407
00:21:15,240 --> 00:21:20,159
Speaker 1: if something hurts building communication and trust. Uh, it also

408
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Speaker 1: hopefully improves your sex life with your partner, right. The

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Speaker 1: thing about hurting, that's an interesting thing too, because a

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Speaker 1: lot of women will just try to like suck it

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Speaker 1: up and get through it until the guy comes. But like,

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Speaker 1: this goes back to what we talked about all the

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Speaker 1: time on this podcast about women being more vocal in sex,

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Speaker 1: and like it really is very important because we're supposed

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Speaker 1: to enjoy this just as much as well. I also

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Speaker 1: read that like, for some women, orgasm can actually be painful. Yeah, God,

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Speaker 1: that would suck it, didn't The article that I read,

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Speaker 1: like didn't go into detail about it. It just said

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Speaker 1: that that was one of the reasons some women fake

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Speaker 1: it because the act of orgasming can be what that

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Speaker 1: feels like such a punishment in life. God, um, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I read something about a lot of women are not

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Speaker 1: a lot, but there are women who physically cannot orgasm.

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00:22:13,400 --> 00:22:17,080
Speaker 1: Like it's called an orgasm or something. I should probably

425
00:22:17,359 --> 00:22:21,040
Speaker 1: know the name before in a past life. No, right,

426
00:22:21,119 --> 00:22:24,320
Speaker 1: I mean I think a painful orgasm sounds more like punishment.

427
00:22:24,320 --> 00:22:28,200
Speaker 1: I would just rather like if if that's a good punishment,

428
00:22:28,240 --> 00:22:33,840
Speaker 1: it should come very easily to you know, literally. Okay,

429
00:22:33,840 --> 00:22:37,880
Speaker 1: this one's from Ashley. She said, I'm not faking shit

430
00:22:38,359 --> 00:22:41,400
Speaker 1: if my man isn't giving me what I need honestly

431
00:22:41,560 --> 00:22:44,440
Speaker 1: all the way, either he needs help figuring out what

432
00:22:44,560 --> 00:22:46,640
Speaker 1: rocks your boat or he needs to know maybe it's

433
00:22:46,640 --> 00:22:48,760
Speaker 1: just one of those times where it ain't happening for you.

434
00:22:49,000 --> 00:22:53,080
Speaker 1: Being candid is better than faking my opinion. That's another

435
00:22:53,119 --> 00:22:56,240
Speaker 1: thing is like I don't think women orgasm every time

436
00:22:56,280 --> 00:22:59,639
Speaker 1: you have sex, and like that's okay too, doesn't mean

437
00:22:59,720 --> 00:23:06,560
Speaker 1: you can't exactly the journey too. And if it's like look, sweetheart,

438
00:23:06,600 --> 00:23:08,480
Speaker 1: it's not happening, I gotta get to work or whatever.

439
00:23:09,560 --> 00:23:13,400
Speaker 1: It's okay, you can still enjoy it. Uh, this one's

440
00:23:13,400 --> 00:23:15,880
Speaker 1: for MICHAELA. And she goes, no, it's not lying. It's

441
00:23:15,880 --> 00:23:19,320
Speaker 1: a confident booster, confidence booster for the guy. I think

442
00:23:19,320 --> 00:23:21,439
Speaker 1: that's I think that's wrong. I think you're lying to

443
00:23:21,520 --> 00:23:23,720
Speaker 1: yourself at that point. Yeah, but like, think about what

444
00:23:23,840 --> 00:23:26,480
Speaker 1: a confidence hit it would be if he finds out

445
00:23:26,560 --> 00:23:31,040
Speaker 1: later that you've been lying the whole fucking time. I UM.

446
00:23:31,080 --> 00:23:34,280
Speaker 1: In my research, I found out that like, divorced men

447
00:23:34,840 --> 00:23:41,320
Speaker 1: are sixty seven percent higher, like more likely to fake. Uh. Sorry,

448
00:23:41,640 --> 00:23:46,960
Speaker 1: I'm getting divorced to a woman. Um, you want to

449
00:23:47,000 --> 00:23:49,240
Speaker 1: save it. You want to save it. Okay, okay, you

450
00:23:49,280 --> 00:23:51,080
Speaker 1: want to jot it down that journal right now? You

451
00:23:51,080 --> 00:23:55,359
Speaker 1: got it? Okay, I'm getting ahead of myself. He's just

452
00:23:55,440 --> 00:23:59,240
Speaker 1: so excited today that he can't even hold his feedback back,

453
00:23:59,560 --> 00:24:02,879
Speaker 1: his speed back back. What. Um, okay, for sure it

454
00:24:03,000 --> 00:24:05,080
Speaker 1: is since from Lucy, you should be able to be

455
00:24:05,119 --> 00:24:07,600
Speaker 1: honest with your partner and work through this stuff. If

456
00:24:07,600 --> 00:24:10,600
Speaker 1: your relationship is suffering. In my experience, if you're still

457
00:24:10,640 --> 00:24:12,439
Speaker 1: doing the deed but not feeling it, it will be

458
00:24:12,480 --> 00:24:15,600
Speaker 1: tough to orgasm, it won't be enjoyable. After a while,

459
00:24:16,160 --> 00:24:21,119
Speaker 1: resentment builds, an emotional intimacy wanes. If you're faking because

460
00:24:21,160 --> 00:24:24,160
Speaker 1: you're just they're just not good, You've got to try

461
00:24:24,200 --> 00:24:26,399
Speaker 1: and be open enough to guide them in the right way.

462
00:24:26,680 --> 00:24:30,080
Speaker 1: I don't think there's many things more. There's many things

463
00:24:30,119 --> 00:24:31,680
Speaker 1: more of a kick in the teeth for a guy

464
00:24:31,720 --> 00:24:35,320
Speaker 1: than someone faking their orgasm. That's an ego kicker. I

465
00:24:35,320 --> 00:24:39,040
Speaker 1: wouldn't want to bullshit my partner. Nobody wins there. I've

466
00:24:39,080 --> 00:24:42,399
Speaker 1: said it. That's just my two cents. Yeah, and I

467
00:24:42,440 --> 00:24:46,600
Speaker 1: think too, it's like, this is good advice, just like

468
00:24:46,720 --> 00:24:49,240
Speaker 1: to start with you know what, Like once you get

469
00:24:49,280 --> 00:24:52,560
Speaker 1: into it, do you start lying Like it's really tough

470
00:24:52,720 --> 00:24:56,440
Speaker 1: like that. I've been in that situation before in other relationships,

471
00:24:56,480 --> 00:24:58,600
Speaker 1: like when I was younger, and then you're just like, well,

472
00:24:58,600 --> 00:25:00,400
Speaker 1: how do I do it now? How do I come

473
00:25:00,480 --> 00:25:06,240
Speaker 1: back to coming right the whole time? So then all

474
00:25:06,280 --> 00:25:09,479
Speaker 1: of a sudden you need something super different and he's like,

475
00:25:09,560 --> 00:25:13,960
Speaker 1: wait what It just it's just obvious I feel um.

476
00:25:14,040 --> 00:25:17,040
Speaker 1: Molly says, yes, I did not always feel that way.

477
00:25:17,080 --> 00:25:20,639
Speaker 1: You're only hurting yourself and if this is a long

478
00:25:20,720 --> 00:25:23,280
Speaker 1: run relationship. It was hard for me to break that

479
00:25:23,320 --> 00:25:26,639
Speaker 1: silence and be honest about what wasn't happening for me

480
00:25:26,720 --> 00:25:29,679
Speaker 1: in bed with my now husband. So just be honest,

481
00:25:29,760 --> 00:25:32,600
Speaker 1: be like, dude, we ain't there yet. We'll keep working

482
00:25:32,640 --> 00:25:34,919
Speaker 1: on it. I kind of liked that, like take a

483
00:25:34,920 --> 00:25:37,000
Speaker 1: lot of the like it doesn't have to be so

484
00:25:37,080 --> 00:25:41,400
Speaker 1: fucking serious, but just be like, hey, yeah, but let's

485
00:25:41,440 --> 00:25:43,840
Speaker 1: keep working like that's like a project. Right, You're like, up,

486
00:25:43,920 --> 00:25:45,280
Speaker 1: we have to have sex again so that we can

487
00:25:45,320 --> 00:25:47,560
Speaker 1: figure this out together. I did read a lot of

488
00:25:47,640 --> 00:25:50,800
Speaker 1: articles talking about one of the big problems with women's

489
00:25:50,960 --> 00:25:54,000
Speaker 1: orgasm um. A lot of times it's like they don't

490
00:25:54,000 --> 00:25:55,919
Speaker 1: even know how to get there themselves. So it's like

491
00:25:56,000 --> 00:25:58,240
Speaker 1: kind of not kind of it's really important for a

492
00:25:58,280 --> 00:26:01,600
Speaker 1: woman to know what gets her off too, which is

493
00:26:01,600 --> 00:26:05,040
Speaker 1: an interesting thought you can tell you're really contemplating. Well, well,

494
00:26:05,080 --> 00:26:06,840
Speaker 1: it made me think of that article that I was

495
00:26:06,880 --> 00:26:12,640
Speaker 1: telling you about, um from the Guardian, where it said like, um,

496
00:26:12,680 --> 00:26:15,919
Speaker 1: it says so the Guardian did a study and it

497
00:26:16,040 --> 00:26:18,280
Speaker 1: was it said it first showed that women that were

498
00:26:18,320 --> 00:26:21,399
Speaker 1: felt uncomfortable saying the word clip taurus were more likely

499
00:26:21,440 --> 00:26:24,520
Speaker 1: to fake orgasms. Which would make me think, like someone

500
00:26:24,600 --> 00:26:26,840
Speaker 1: that's scared to say the word clataurus or clip or

501
00:26:26,920 --> 00:26:34,280
Speaker 1: probably even vagina probably isn't using vibrators and dildos and um. Yeah.

502
00:26:34,280 --> 00:26:37,439
Speaker 1: And they also said that heterosexual women in relationships who

503
00:26:37,520 --> 00:26:41,560
Speaker 1: had hostile views about feminism were more likely to fake it.

504
00:26:41,680 --> 00:26:45,200
Speaker 1: I found that really interesting because I will say, like

505
00:26:45,280 --> 00:26:48,840
Speaker 1: there's some sort of programming in women that We've talked

506
00:26:48,840 --> 00:26:52,080
Speaker 1: about this a lot, but it's like you do things

507
00:26:52,080 --> 00:26:54,159
Speaker 1: a certain way, you're married by a certain time, you

508
00:26:54,200 --> 00:26:55,720
Speaker 1: have a baby by a certain time, and so we

509
00:26:55,800 --> 00:26:57,520
Speaker 1: have all of these things in our head all of

510
00:26:57,520 --> 00:26:59,600
Speaker 1: the time. And I think that one of those things

511
00:26:59,600 --> 00:27:02,240
Speaker 1: that is starting to kind of go away, but it's

512
00:27:02,280 --> 00:27:08,080
Speaker 1: slowly getting there, is um, women owning their sexuality or

513
00:27:08,119 --> 00:27:11,800
Speaker 1: it being okay for women to enjoy sex instead of

514
00:27:11,880 --> 00:27:14,399
Speaker 1: just like doing it to either get pregnant or to

515
00:27:14,440 --> 00:27:17,560
Speaker 1: please their partner. Right. Well, I mean it's the traditional

516
00:27:17,600 --> 00:27:22,080
Speaker 1: patriarchal view of like get married young, have kids, be

517
00:27:22,240 --> 00:27:24,480
Speaker 1: subservient to your husband, blah blah blah. And I think

518
00:27:24,960 --> 00:27:28,880
Speaker 1: this what's interesting about that viewpoint about feminism is that,

519
00:27:28,920 --> 00:27:33,000
Speaker 1: like you know, like the modern view of feminism is

520
00:27:33,520 --> 00:27:35,840
Speaker 1: it's so driven by women now that are so out

521
00:27:35,920 --> 00:27:38,000
Speaker 1: and proud with like the pink pussy hats and things

522
00:27:38,040 --> 00:27:40,879
Speaker 1: like that. But you know, when we first started, like

523
00:27:41,000 --> 00:27:44,359
Speaker 1: when feminism first started to become a little mainstream, it

524
00:27:44,400 --> 00:27:46,840
Speaker 1: was like you kind of assume they were all lesbians,

525
00:27:47,000 --> 00:27:50,000
Speaker 1: you know, was something like a little more gruff about it,

526
00:27:51,160 --> 00:27:54,760
Speaker 1: and um, and I think heterosexual women kind of looked

527
00:27:54,800 --> 00:27:57,639
Speaker 1: at him and we're like lesbians and gave like a

528
00:27:57,800 --> 00:28:01,720
Speaker 1: bad you know, it left a bad east like how

529
00:28:01,760 --> 00:28:03,920
Speaker 1: did you how do you wrap your mind around being

530
00:28:03,960 --> 00:28:06,720
Speaker 1: in a heterosexual relationship with a man and being a

531
00:28:06,760 --> 00:28:08,840
Speaker 1: feminist back in the day. I think it's getting a

532
00:28:08,880 --> 00:28:15,080
Speaker 1: lot easier totally because now men are feminist, right yeah. Um,

533
00:28:15,160 --> 00:28:18,200
Speaker 1: so I think that the view of feminism has changed

534
00:28:18,240 --> 00:28:20,520
Speaker 1: a lot, But I can see where they would have

535
00:28:20,720 --> 00:28:24,080
Speaker 1: arrived at this, like discovery. Yeah, I mean it's uncomfortable

536
00:28:24,080 --> 00:28:26,040
Speaker 1: to think about two if you got married really young.

537
00:28:26,119 --> 00:28:28,199
Speaker 1: Like this is another thing I think that's changing a

538
00:28:28,200 --> 00:28:31,400
Speaker 1: lot in our culture, Like masturbation is it's way more

539
00:28:31,760 --> 00:28:33,199
Speaker 1: Maybe it's just more talked about. I don't know if

540
00:28:33,240 --> 00:28:36,240
Speaker 1: it's more prevalent, but amongst girls, I do feel like

541
00:28:36,280 --> 00:28:41,440
Speaker 1: it's it's more prevalent. I think maybe we're just talking

542
00:28:41,440 --> 00:28:43,960
Speaker 1: about it more easily. I mean I feel like people have, well,

543
00:28:44,640 --> 00:28:46,920
Speaker 1: women have probably started to do it more. I mean

544
00:28:47,000 --> 00:28:50,840
Speaker 1: guys have probably always. Yeah, But like even when we

545
00:28:50,840 --> 00:28:52,800
Speaker 1: were like young, like if there was ever like a

546
00:28:52,800 --> 00:28:55,280
Speaker 1: masturbation scene in a movie or whatever, it was like

547
00:28:56,000 --> 00:28:59,080
Speaker 1: almost something that was meant to be hidden, like the

548
00:28:59,160 --> 00:29:02,280
Speaker 1: embarrassed great in Taboo. Yes, which I do think is

549
00:29:02,280 --> 00:29:04,800
Speaker 1: getting a little less. And people are talking about the

550
00:29:04,840 --> 00:29:09,040
Speaker 1: importance of um self love and like making sure you're

551
00:29:09,120 --> 00:29:10,840
Speaker 1: taking care of your own needs and being in touch

552
00:29:10,880 --> 00:29:12,720
Speaker 1: with your own body and all of these things. So

553
00:29:12,760 --> 00:29:14,320
Speaker 1: I think it starts a lot younger too. But like

554
00:29:14,400 --> 00:29:16,520
Speaker 1: I know, if I had gotten married right out of

555
00:29:16,560 --> 00:29:19,720
Speaker 1: college or something like, I wouldn't know what I wanted

556
00:29:19,760 --> 00:29:22,320
Speaker 1: in sex. I wouldn't even know I wouldn't know how

557
00:29:22,320 --> 00:29:26,000
Speaker 1: to like have an orgasm myself, you know. And I

558
00:29:26,040 --> 00:29:28,480
Speaker 1: think that's something you learn over the years, and especially

559
00:29:28,480 --> 00:29:30,600
Speaker 1: as you age as a woman, like you just get

560
00:29:30,600 --> 00:29:33,400
Speaker 1: more comfortable in your own body and accepting like what

561
00:29:33,480 --> 00:29:36,120
Speaker 1: you want in the bedroom. And so if you got

562
00:29:36,120 --> 00:29:38,040
Speaker 1: married young, like it would be a hard thing that

563
00:29:38,200 --> 00:29:40,040
Speaker 1: what if you've been lying to your husband for like

564
00:29:41,080 --> 00:29:45,120
Speaker 1: twenty years. Yeah, that's a hard conversation to have. Plenty

565
00:29:45,160 --> 00:29:48,360
Speaker 1: of women that like literally go through life never having

566
00:29:48,400 --> 00:29:53,520
Speaker 1: an orgasm. It sounds so depressing, depressing there's any correlation between,

567
00:29:53,680 --> 00:29:57,479
Speaker 1: like you know, when you're younger and you start having sex,

568
00:29:57,480 --> 00:29:59,680
Speaker 1: like you'll kind of suck anybody, you know, So it's

569
00:29:59,680 --> 00:30:05,080
Speaker 1: like you have you have less valleys, whereas as you're

570
00:30:05,080 --> 00:30:10,200
Speaker 1: an adult and you're making you know, more um sound decisions,

571
00:30:10,360 --> 00:30:14,440
Speaker 1: decisions Like you there's probably more lulls in your sex life,

572
00:30:14,600 --> 00:30:17,400
Speaker 1: so you're you have to kind of turn to pleasing yourself.

573
00:30:17,440 --> 00:30:19,720
Speaker 1: So that like it's an interesting thought and and maybe

574
00:30:19,720 --> 00:30:22,160
Speaker 1: that's where you become a little bit more comfortable with

575
00:30:22,160 --> 00:30:25,600
Speaker 1: masturbation in your body. Yeah, um where I think you know, guys,

576
00:30:25,680 --> 00:30:30,960
Speaker 1: it's like what I was gonna say, Yeah, it's so

577
00:30:31,080 --> 00:30:34,800
Speaker 1: much different to me because like, yeah, well this could

578
00:30:34,800 --> 00:30:36,720
Speaker 1: go into a whole another topic. Maybe we should say this.

579
00:30:37,200 --> 00:30:39,800
Speaker 1: I was just gonna say, like masturbation for men and

580
00:30:39,800 --> 00:30:42,200
Speaker 1: women is so different because it's still it's more of

581
00:30:42,200 --> 00:30:45,800
Speaker 1: a process for us. Everything is with this. Although I

582
00:30:45,840 --> 00:30:48,920
Speaker 1: did read in another article that it is a common

583
00:30:48,960 --> 00:30:52,800
Speaker 1: misconception that a woman having an orgasm is so much

584
00:30:52,840 --> 00:30:55,400
Speaker 1: more difficult than a man, and they're like, no, it's not.

585
00:30:55,640 --> 00:30:58,480
Speaker 1: It's usually just that like people aren't going about it

586
00:30:58,520 --> 00:31:01,360
Speaker 1: the right way or educating their partner on how to

587
00:31:01,360 --> 00:31:03,440
Speaker 1: go about it, and so then it's just this frustrating

588
00:31:03,520 --> 00:31:05,640
Speaker 1: like yeah, that feels okay, but like it's never going

589
00:31:05,680 --> 00:31:08,080
Speaker 1: to get you know, I think we should put a

590
00:31:08,120 --> 00:31:10,280
Speaker 1: pen in the masturbation thing, because that could be a

591
00:31:10,280 --> 00:31:13,480
Speaker 1: whole another topic, Okay, because yeah, I think there's a

592
00:31:13,480 --> 00:31:16,160
Speaker 1: lot that we could research on that. Well. We actually

593
00:31:16,360 --> 00:31:19,440
Speaker 1: had gotten an email, this was months ago, and we

594
00:31:19,440 --> 00:31:22,400
Speaker 1: were going to talk about the porn within our relationship conversation,

595
00:31:22,440 --> 00:31:25,719
Speaker 1: which is super tough, but I want to actually that

596
00:31:25,760 --> 00:31:28,600
Speaker 1: one feels like we need an actual expert on because

597
00:31:28,920 --> 00:31:31,800
Speaker 1: I don't know the answer. It's it's like a hard

598
00:31:31,840 --> 00:31:35,480
Speaker 1: conversation still for me within relationships, like as an adult,

599
00:31:35,600 --> 00:31:39,280
Speaker 1: like I think it's like confusing on what what's healthy,

600
00:31:39,360 --> 00:31:42,280
Speaker 1: what's not, what is like should you be threatened by

601
00:31:42,360 --> 00:31:46,040
Speaker 1: what is? Okay, I don't know, And to be perfectly honest,

602
00:31:46,080 --> 00:31:49,800
Speaker 1: like that's not something that I'm really into, right, so

603
00:31:49,840 --> 00:31:52,000
Speaker 1: I don't have a lot of experience with it. Like

604
00:31:52,240 --> 00:31:54,000
Speaker 1: if someone was like, let's put on some porn, it

605
00:31:54,040 --> 00:31:57,920
Speaker 1: would kind of make me giggle, Like are you saying

606
00:31:57,960 --> 00:32:00,480
Speaker 1: to watch together? Are you talking about are you talking

607
00:32:00,480 --> 00:32:03,400
Speaker 1: about like making it? No, I'm talking about like when

608
00:32:03,400 --> 00:32:06,760
Speaker 1: you're in a relationship. Because one of the listeners wrote

609
00:32:06,760 --> 00:32:09,040
Speaker 1: into us and said that she had been having a

610
00:32:09,080 --> 00:32:11,200
Speaker 1: conversation with a bunch of her friends and they were

611
00:32:11,200 --> 00:32:14,360
Speaker 1: all talking about how their husbands watched porn and masturated

612
00:32:14,440 --> 00:32:17,400
Speaker 1: all the time and they hated it, and she was like, well,

613
00:32:17,400 --> 00:32:21,440
Speaker 1: my husband doesn't, and they all started laughing like yeah,

614
00:32:21,440 --> 00:32:24,000
Speaker 1: like all guys do kind of thing. And so she

615
00:32:24,040 --> 00:32:25,680
Speaker 1: went home and asked him again and they had a

616
00:32:25,680 --> 00:32:27,480
Speaker 1: conversation about it, and she was just like I'm like

617
00:32:27,640 --> 00:32:30,080
Speaker 1: not comfortable with that. But is that weird that I'm

618
00:32:30,080 --> 00:32:31,920
Speaker 1: not comfortable with that? Like do I just need to

619
00:32:31,960 --> 00:32:36,200
Speaker 1: be comfortable with it? He said he doesn't, but um, yeah,

620
00:32:36,240 --> 00:32:37,719
Speaker 1: I don't know. And so then there was that like

621
00:32:37,760 --> 00:32:40,840
Speaker 1: do all guys watch porn and masturate all the time?

622
00:32:41,080 --> 00:32:45,280
Speaker 1: Like secretly is it? You know? Like, um, if they don't,

623
00:32:45,440 --> 00:32:47,600
Speaker 1: if they're saying they don't or is that actually true

624
00:32:48,160 --> 00:32:51,240
Speaker 1: or I don't know, and like if they do, what

625
00:32:51,520 --> 00:32:53,920
Speaker 1: is an acceptable amount or what means they're not satisfied

626
00:32:53,920 --> 00:32:56,840
Speaker 1: in the bedroom with you. Like, that's a tough one.

627
00:32:56,880 --> 00:32:59,200
Speaker 1: It's a tough one, I know personally, like when I've

628
00:32:59,200 --> 00:33:05,320
Speaker 1: been in relationship, Yeah, why would you really need it?

629
00:33:05,640 --> 00:33:09,920
Speaker 1: That's not to say like it never happened. I think

630
00:33:10,000 --> 00:33:15,240
Speaker 1: most people would prefer sex over masturbation. But like, yeah,

631
00:33:15,280 --> 00:33:17,880
Speaker 1: I mean there's times and you're not together, there's you know,

632
00:33:17,920 --> 00:33:20,600
Speaker 1: whatever it is. But I mean there's also the flip

633
00:33:20,600 --> 00:33:22,720
Speaker 1: side of that where I think, you know, it can

634
00:33:22,760 --> 00:33:27,480
Speaker 1: become a problem, which is becoming very prevalent too. And like, yeah,

635
00:33:27,600 --> 00:33:29,959
Speaker 1: so it's a it's an interesting topic. Maybe we need

636
00:33:30,040 --> 00:33:32,040
Speaker 1: to dive a little deeper into both of those things.

637
00:33:35,360 --> 00:33:37,560
Speaker 1: You actually brought up an interesting point that you've found

638
00:33:37,560 --> 00:33:40,680
Speaker 1: out that a lot of men take orgasms. Tell us

639
00:33:40,680 --> 00:33:45,600
Speaker 1: more about that. So, um, how the fund is that possible? Well, um,

640
00:33:45,760 --> 00:33:48,800
Speaker 1: one of them. One of the main ways that I

641
00:33:48,920 --> 00:33:53,640
Speaker 1: read was condoms, Like no woman wants your condom, you know,

642
00:33:53,760 --> 00:33:55,680
Speaker 1: like you take it and like pull the condom off

643
00:33:55,680 --> 00:33:57,560
Speaker 1: and throw it away. That's true, that's true. That's true.

644
00:33:57,760 --> 00:34:00,000
Speaker 1: But an article that I read on NBC news to

645
00:34:00,120 --> 00:34:03,360
Speaker 1: Com said one in four guys have faked orgasm. Wow,

646
00:34:03,920 --> 00:34:06,440
Speaker 1: that's way more than I would have thought. Yeah. Um,

647
00:34:06,760 --> 00:34:11,239
Speaker 1: the Debbie I'm going to butcher. Last name herban Nick.

648
00:34:11,520 --> 00:34:13,720
Speaker 1: She's the co director of the Center for Sexual Health

649
00:34:13,840 --> 00:34:18,160
Speaker 1: Promotion at Indiana University. University said men tend to fake

650
00:34:18,239 --> 00:34:21,320
Speaker 1: for similar reasons that women fake to help their partners ego,

651
00:34:21,719 --> 00:34:24,200
Speaker 1: to not hurt their partners feelings and to end sex

652
00:34:24,280 --> 00:34:26,560
Speaker 1: so that they can go to sleep or go home. Wow,

653
00:34:27,880 --> 00:34:29,719
Speaker 1: it is so weird because like when you told me that,

654
00:34:29,760 --> 00:34:31,680
Speaker 1: I was like, oh my god, I start rethinking through

655
00:34:31,719 --> 00:34:34,440
Speaker 1: like like what if what if my partner has done that?

656
00:34:34,560 --> 00:34:37,440
Speaker 1: And I would be upset just like what they're saying

657
00:34:37,440 --> 00:34:39,480
Speaker 1: with the men, like I would want to know. Yeah,

658
00:34:39,520 --> 00:34:43,640
Speaker 1: because ultimately it's it makes you be like, was I not?

659
00:34:45,000 --> 00:34:49,120
Speaker 1: Like what was I doing fucking weird? Like did not

660
00:34:49,160 --> 00:34:52,880
Speaker 1: feel good things? When in reality I feel like what

661
00:34:53,000 --> 00:34:54,680
Speaker 1: I heard a lot in that is like most of

662
00:34:54,680 --> 00:34:56,839
Speaker 1: the time people are just tired. But isn't this like

663
00:34:56,920 --> 00:34:59,640
Speaker 1: such an interesting conversation because why do we have such

664
00:34:59,719 --> 00:35:03,160
Speaker 1: a our time owning our truth and relationships? Like that's

665
00:35:03,160 --> 00:35:04,759
Speaker 1: what I was saying about what my boyfriend and I

666
00:35:04,760 --> 00:35:07,759
Speaker 1: are working on right now is just like being authentically ourselves.

667
00:35:07,760 --> 00:35:10,200
Speaker 1: Like that's and it's harder than you would think. We're

668
00:35:10,280 --> 00:35:13,960
Speaker 1: programmed by movies and porn and all of these things

669
00:35:14,040 --> 00:35:17,560
Speaker 1: to like this perfect picture of what sex is, and

670
00:35:17,680 --> 00:35:21,160
Speaker 1: like what you're seeing on the screen is not real sex.

671
00:35:21,200 --> 00:35:23,440
Speaker 1: It's so frustrating to me. We've talked about this a

672
00:35:23,440 --> 00:35:27,160
Speaker 1: lot with porn, but like that is a big fucking

673
00:35:27,320 --> 00:35:31,960
Speaker 1: issue for women with orgasms because like, first of all,

674
00:35:32,000 --> 00:35:34,839
Speaker 1: it's teaching guys the wrong kinds of things that are

675
00:35:34,840 --> 00:35:38,080
Speaker 1: going to actually help a woman. But then too, it's

676
00:35:38,120 --> 00:35:40,640
Speaker 1: like you can watch that and also tell when a

677
00:35:40,680 --> 00:35:43,560
Speaker 1: woman is faking in porn, and it's like how does

678
00:35:43,600 --> 00:35:45,359
Speaker 1: a guy not even how can you not tell? Are

679
00:35:45,360 --> 00:35:49,120
Speaker 1: you joking? Like obviously you've never seen a real orgasm

680
00:35:49,280 --> 00:35:52,359
Speaker 1: because like it's not happening the way that you're doing

681
00:35:52,400 --> 00:35:54,640
Speaker 1: that right there, And then it's not like the just

682
00:35:54,680 --> 00:35:58,440
Speaker 1: the noises even that they make. I'm just like if

683
00:35:58,480 --> 00:36:01,680
Speaker 1: you really that's interesting back and look like a lot

684
00:36:01,680 --> 00:36:04,880
Speaker 1: of it's like overdubbed, and all of the guys are

685
00:36:05,120 --> 00:36:09,600
Speaker 1: rectile pills, like right, like we can actually they don't

686
00:36:09,719 --> 00:36:14,120
Speaker 1: need that, but they do it for the film, like

687
00:36:14,160 --> 00:36:16,800
Speaker 1: and there are there are moments where like a perfectly

688
00:36:16,800 --> 00:36:19,200
Speaker 1: healthy guy like, it's just not going to work tonight

689
00:36:19,560 --> 00:36:20,799
Speaker 1: and you have to work through that. Have you ever

690
00:36:20,840 --> 00:36:23,320
Speaker 1: seen a porn scene where the guys like, sorry, babe,

691
00:36:23,360 --> 00:36:27,200
Speaker 1: this isn't happen now. I'm actually like, yeah, sorry, I

692
00:36:27,200 --> 00:36:30,600
Speaker 1: was about to say something probably really crude, so I

693
00:36:30,760 --> 00:36:33,320
Speaker 1: was gonna be about like, I don't I can't remember

694
00:36:33,360 --> 00:36:35,560
Speaker 1: a time of walking away from sex with a guy

695
00:36:35,600 --> 00:36:38,960
Speaker 1: where he didn't orgasm, So it's like this weird. I mean,

696
00:36:39,280 --> 00:36:44,279
Speaker 1: who knows, I guess checking condos. But like, but I

697
00:36:44,320 --> 00:36:47,560
Speaker 1: think it's like we associate sex with orgasms so much,

698
00:36:47,800 --> 00:36:50,920
Speaker 1: just like you said earlier, and like it's more about

699
00:36:50,960 --> 00:36:53,520
Speaker 1: the whole thing. Like we put so much pressure on

700
00:36:53,560 --> 00:36:57,640
Speaker 1: the ending that that becomes an issue if it doesn't happen,

701
00:36:57,640 --> 00:37:00,799
Speaker 1: And like sex is so much more than just an orgasm.

702
00:37:00,800 --> 00:37:03,919
Speaker 1: It's awesome to have an orgasm, but like the whole

703
00:37:03,920 --> 00:37:06,000
Speaker 1: experience can still be really enjoyable, And I think that

704
00:37:06,080 --> 00:37:08,960
Speaker 1: owning that part of it is actually a step in

705
00:37:09,000 --> 00:37:12,680
Speaker 1: the right direction of communicating about orgasm realness. Because if

706
00:37:12,680 --> 00:37:14,879
Speaker 1: you're a guy, if you're a girl, like maybe you're

707
00:37:14,880 --> 00:37:17,200
Speaker 1: not in the mood that night, maybe you're fucking tired, like,

708
00:37:17,520 --> 00:37:19,279
Speaker 1: maybe you have a headache, maybe you need to wash

709
00:37:19,280 --> 00:37:23,800
Speaker 1: your hair, like, but like, that doesn't mean you shouldn't

710
00:37:23,800 --> 00:37:25,480
Speaker 1: be able to communicate that to your partner. And like

711
00:37:25,680 --> 00:37:28,640
Speaker 1: I'm saying that thinking to myself, and if my partner

712
00:37:28,640 --> 00:37:31,040
Speaker 1: communicated that to me, I would need to learn how

713
00:37:31,080 --> 00:37:33,560
Speaker 1: to not take it personal, because that's to me, the

714
00:37:33,560 --> 00:37:35,839
Speaker 1: biggest issue. But I don't think any of us are

715
00:37:35,880 --> 00:37:39,560
Speaker 1: doing anyone any favors about faking totally. Well this I

716
00:37:39,640 --> 00:37:42,279
Speaker 1: want to go back to this men faking thing because

717
00:37:42,280 --> 00:37:44,000
Speaker 1: I started to touch on this point and then I

718
00:37:44,040 --> 00:37:48,759
Speaker 1: realized I had moved on. Um, So, divorced men are

719
00:37:48,880 --> 00:37:52,759
Speaker 1: sixty seven percent more likely to simulate orgasm than married men.

720
00:37:53,360 --> 00:37:55,520
Speaker 1: Wait wait, wait, waity tied to the idea that they've

721
00:37:55,520 --> 00:37:58,560
Speaker 1: already had a major relationship fail in their life. Oh

722
00:37:58,600 --> 00:38:02,520
Speaker 1: my god, yes, fuck no, I'm really like analyzing my

723
00:38:02,600 --> 00:38:06,520
Speaker 1: relations right and the wait. So here's another quote from

724
00:38:06,520 --> 00:38:11,200
Speaker 1: a doctor who's conveniently named Dr Seth Myers. Um, the

725
00:38:11,200 --> 00:38:13,160
Speaker 1: main reason that men fake is to avoid having to

726
00:38:13,200 --> 00:38:16,239
Speaker 1: talk about any potential sex issue. The fear is not

727
00:38:16,400 --> 00:38:19,080
Speaker 1: having an orgasm and telling the truth about it could

728
00:38:19,120 --> 00:38:22,799
Speaker 1: generate anxiety and their partner and invite endless discussion. Men

729
00:38:22,840 --> 00:38:27,799
Speaker 1: would rather avoid the issue altogether than confront it directly. Interesting, Yeah,

730
00:38:28,560 --> 00:38:32,239
Speaker 1: I think the pride man thing to me. You know,

731
00:38:32,440 --> 00:38:34,440
Speaker 1: we were just talking and we've mentioned it earlier, Like,

732
00:38:34,520 --> 00:38:38,000
Speaker 1: it's not just about the end to me anxiety, all

733
00:38:38,040 --> 00:38:40,879
Speaker 1: of my anxiety and sex. Is it ending too soon?

734
00:38:41,520 --> 00:38:46,560
Speaker 1: That's my fear. So, like that's there's a fear of

735
00:38:46,680 --> 00:38:51,440
Speaker 1: orgasm sometimes well sometimes that can affect your ability to

736
00:38:51,480 --> 00:38:54,520
Speaker 1: perform too, don't you think you're like stops up stops

737
00:38:54,560 --> 00:38:57,279
Speaker 1: up stops. Yes, Like I've experienced that we can, and

738
00:38:57,280 --> 00:38:59,759
Speaker 1: I would imagine that that's pretty common with guys, you

739
00:38:59,800 --> 00:39:03,399
Speaker 1: know it is, Yeah, especially Yeah, like if you are

740
00:39:03,520 --> 00:39:06,160
Speaker 1: new in a relationship, Like I can think about that

741
00:39:06,200 --> 00:39:08,560
Speaker 1: scenario where it's like maybe you haven't had sex in

742
00:39:08,600 --> 00:39:10,120
Speaker 1: a while, like you're saying, and all of a sudden,

743
00:39:10,120 --> 00:39:11,560
Speaker 1: you're having sex all the time, and you want to

744
00:39:11,560 --> 00:39:13,680
Speaker 1: be able to last long enough for your partner, like

745
00:39:13,719 --> 00:39:16,239
Speaker 1: girls are just slower with this or well, and and

746
00:39:16,280 --> 00:39:20,719
Speaker 1: then you know male gay male relationships, like you're it's

747
00:39:20,760 --> 00:39:22,800
Speaker 1: so easy to compare yourself to the other guy. I

748
00:39:23,080 --> 00:39:30,320
Speaker 1: even think about that, like the waking. Oh my god,

749
00:39:30,760 --> 00:39:35,920
Speaker 1: what an interesting, really great anxiety. Sometimes Wow, when you

750
00:39:35,960 --> 00:39:39,200
Speaker 1: said the thing about um, I mean a man worrying

751
00:39:39,239 --> 00:39:42,960
Speaker 1: about his performance. I wonder if aging has if that's

752
00:39:43,040 --> 00:39:45,719
Speaker 1: any sort of like issue in there, like as you

753
00:39:45,760 --> 00:39:50,160
Speaker 1: get older, because it's such harder for a guy. Yeah, yeah, absolutely,

754
00:39:51,280 --> 00:39:54,480
Speaker 1: there's pills and there's to like, you know, sort of

755
00:39:54,560 --> 00:39:57,800
Speaker 1: enhance that, right. I think that like the stigma around

756
00:39:57,840 --> 00:40:00,160
Speaker 1: that has sort of gone away. I feel like when

757
00:40:00,239 --> 00:40:04,480
Speaker 1: viagra first came onto the market, it was like every

758
00:40:04,520 --> 00:40:06,560
Speaker 1: man was like, I gotta try one of them pills,

759
00:40:06,600 --> 00:40:08,000
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. But it was also one

760
00:40:08,000 --> 00:40:12,279
Speaker 1: of those like you you did? What did it feel like?

761
00:40:12,480 --> 00:40:15,640
Speaker 1: I mean, it works like a raging boner for how long?

762
00:40:15,960 --> 00:40:19,600
Speaker 1: And I think literally the person who should go down

763
00:40:19,600 --> 00:40:21,839
Speaker 1: in the marketing Hall of Fame is the person who

764
00:40:21,840 --> 00:40:26,080
Speaker 1: wrote this tagline for viagra. If your erection lasts more

765
00:40:26,120 --> 00:40:30,879
Speaker 1: than four hours, consult a physician. Why, Because it gives

766
00:40:30,920 --> 00:40:32,640
Speaker 1: the idea that you're gonna have a hard dick for

767
00:40:32,680 --> 00:40:37,560
Speaker 1: four You could have It's not four hours, what was it?

768
00:40:37,800 --> 00:40:40,920
Speaker 1: I mean probably an hour about a long time to

769
00:40:41,880 --> 00:40:44,680
Speaker 1: it doesn't just make your dick hard. Does it make

770
00:40:44,760 --> 00:40:47,920
Speaker 1: everything feel better? No, it makes it gives you the

771
00:40:47,960 --> 00:40:50,719
Speaker 1: ability for your dick to get hard. Yes, like you're

772
00:40:51,120 --> 00:40:54,040
Speaker 1: aware of the blood flow there, you feel it, but

773
00:40:54,160 --> 00:40:57,240
Speaker 1: you're not just like walking around with a big control.

774
00:40:57,840 --> 00:41:02,200
Speaker 1: Didn't understand that. I've thought it literally gave you a

775
00:41:02,200 --> 00:41:04,960
Speaker 1: hard dick. I mean it might for some people. That

776
00:41:05,080 --> 00:41:08,880
Speaker 1: wasn't my experience. So that's why, like I feel like

777
00:41:08,920 --> 00:41:10,800
Speaker 1: I've seen a movie about this where I got pops

778
00:41:10,800 --> 00:41:13,360
Speaker 1: a baggara at dinner or something, because I was like,

779
00:41:13,400 --> 00:41:14,799
Speaker 1: oh my god, would you be walking around with a

780
00:41:14,880 --> 00:41:18,480
Speaker 1: huge bon er then? But no, it's just like in

781
00:41:18,480 --> 00:41:20,200
Speaker 1: the early days of it, it was like a punch

782
00:41:20,239 --> 00:41:23,080
Speaker 1: line too, because I think that that marketing line like

783
00:41:23,160 --> 00:41:25,359
Speaker 1: fed into it, Like holy shit, you mean and it's

784
00:41:25,400 --> 00:41:28,000
Speaker 1: not a marketing line or a warning. I mean it's

785
00:41:28,040 --> 00:41:30,520
Speaker 1: it's it's in the commercial as a warning. But I

786
00:41:30,520 --> 00:41:35,000
Speaker 1: think it's like I think it was intentional. That's not

787
00:41:35,040 --> 00:41:37,759
Speaker 1: to say that it hasn't happened. And you know, there's

788
00:41:37,760 --> 00:41:41,600
Speaker 1: always this case. There's there's always those cases, but you

789
00:41:41,640 --> 00:41:43,799
Speaker 1: know that was the first one to market. Now they've

790
00:41:43,800 --> 00:41:46,400
Speaker 1: got other ones, Like I think see Alice, you take daily.

791
00:41:48,239 --> 00:41:51,320
Speaker 1: You're always ready. It's like a lower dosage that you

792
00:41:51,400 --> 00:41:54,240
Speaker 1: take daily, always ready, never got to get ready. Oh

793
00:41:54,560 --> 00:41:57,160
Speaker 1: my god, what was the thing that you were telling

794
00:41:57,160 --> 00:41:58,840
Speaker 1: me about when we when you first got here. And

795
00:41:58,880 --> 00:42:01,200
Speaker 1: it was a bunch of different people who wrote in

796
00:42:01,239 --> 00:42:07,160
Speaker 1: their one lines about faking orgasms. Ye, so um it was.

797
00:42:07,280 --> 00:42:09,920
Speaker 1: It's from the cut dot com and that you know,

798
00:42:10,480 --> 00:42:13,839
Speaker 1: it's from two thou thirteen, so it's not that new. Um,

799
00:42:13,880 --> 00:42:16,640
Speaker 1: but they did, they got um. They asked a bunch

800
00:42:16,680 --> 00:42:20,279
Speaker 1: of advice columnists about faking orgasms. And I won't go

801
00:42:20,320 --> 00:42:22,799
Speaker 1: into like the longer descriptions, but um, I'll read a

802
00:42:22,800 --> 00:42:25,399
Speaker 1: few of them. Aaron Bradley from The Daily Be said

803
00:42:25,440 --> 00:42:28,400
Speaker 1: faking orgasm is is the same as pretending to like

804
00:42:28,520 --> 00:42:34,320
Speaker 1: his band. This is actually a good piece of advice

805
00:42:34,360 --> 00:42:37,799
Speaker 1: from ask e jen on l fake but fake with

806
00:42:37,840 --> 00:42:42,080
Speaker 1: instructions towards the real thing. So you could be like

807
00:42:42,719 --> 00:42:46,200
Speaker 1: right there, right there, right there, and even you can

808
00:42:46,760 --> 00:42:48,560
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, It's like you're giving the

809
00:42:48,680 --> 00:42:52,960
Speaker 1: right direction. That's an interesting thought. I don't know if

810
00:42:52,960 --> 00:42:55,720
Speaker 1: you have to go full and fake, but I guess

811
00:42:55,760 --> 00:42:57,839
Speaker 1: if you're going to do it. They're saying, like at

812
00:42:57,920 --> 00:43:00,759
Speaker 1: least make sure that they're doing the right thing, like

813
00:43:00,840 --> 00:43:03,719
Speaker 1: push them there, rather than being like, you don't know

814
00:43:03,760 --> 00:43:07,120
Speaker 1: what you're doing, you know, right? That would probably never

815
00:43:07,239 --> 00:43:12,400
Speaker 1: be a good at training a puppy. Interesting. Um, Polly

816
00:43:12,640 --> 00:43:17,239
Speaker 1: esther interesting name from the all is that a real name?

817
00:43:17,560 --> 00:43:20,240
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm sure it's just a pen name confessed

818
00:43:20,280 --> 00:43:23,200
Speaker 1: to faking be vulnerable. You deserve an orgasm? I agree

819
00:43:23,200 --> 00:43:26,239
Speaker 1: with that. Yeah, I do too. Um. This is from

820
00:43:26,320 --> 00:43:30,959
Speaker 1: Anne Clode. The myth of vaginal orgasm fakers make other

821
00:43:31,040 --> 00:43:35,120
Speaker 1: women feel broken. I mean that right there is the

822
00:43:35,160 --> 00:43:38,040
Speaker 1: best point to me, especially if your partner has been

823
00:43:38,040 --> 00:43:41,239
Speaker 1: with someone before you that's like, you know, oh, I'm

824
00:43:41,280 --> 00:43:43,400
Speaker 1: just having an orgasm, so easy, and here goes and

825
00:43:43,400 --> 00:43:44,759
Speaker 1: then they get with you and they're like, what the

826
00:43:44,800 --> 00:43:48,600
Speaker 1: fund is wrong with the Yeah, you're not doing yourself

827
00:43:48,719 --> 00:43:53,720
Speaker 1: or other women favors. And Carrie Tennis from Salon said,

828
00:43:54,200 --> 00:43:57,200
Speaker 1: fake orgasms, like all forms of deception, are a tool

829
00:43:57,360 --> 00:44:01,040
Speaker 1: for emotional control. Okay, that is also interesting, and that's

830
00:44:01,239 --> 00:44:02,880
Speaker 1: that was kind of my point when I posted it

831
00:44:02,920 --> 00:44:04,920
Speaker 1: on Instagram. As we sit here when with our men

832
00:44:05,000 --> 00:44:07,120
Speaker 1: were like, no, babe, tell me the truth, Like I

833
00:44:07,120 --> 00:44:10,200
Speaker 1: want to know exactly what you're thinking, and like, it's

834
00:44:10,239 --> 00:44:12,320
Speaker 1: such a big deal for me within a relationship. And

835
00:44:12,360 --> 00:44:14,080
Speaker 1: I don't know if that comes from like my past

836
00:44:14,239 --> 00:44:16,320
Speaker 1: or you know, of lies in a relationship and whatever,

837
00:44:16,360 --> 00:44:19,520
Speaker 1: but like it is so important for me with truth

838
00:44:20,040 --> 00:44:22,560
Speaker 1: and I never thought about that, But I'm thinking about

839
00:44:22,560 --> 00:44:25,120
Speaker 1: all my friends because we talk about wanting to know

840
00:44:25,200 --> 00:44:27,160
Speaker 1: the truth all the time, and it would just be like,

841
00:44:27,160 --> 00:44:28,799
Speaker 1: I just want to know the truth. I just want

842
00:44:28,800 --> 00:44:30,960
Speaker 1: to know the truth. But if you're faking an orgasm,

843
00:44:31,040 --> 00:44:35,000
Speaker 1: you're not telling the truth either. That is not the truth. Yeah,

844
00:44:35,200 --> 00:44:37,840
Speaker 1: well this is interesting because it's another one from Aaron Bradley,

845
00:44:37,840 --> 00:44:39,600
Speaker 1: who is the one that said the thing about fake bands,

846
00:44:39,640 --> 00:44:42,960
Speaker 1: and she said faking is okay because it's your choice, girlfriend,

847
00:44:43,840 --> 00:44:46,440
Speaker 1: and so I don't know about that. Yeah, I mean,

848
00:44:46,480 --> 00:44:48,879
Speaker 1: I'll read what her description is because I think it's

849
00:44:48,960 --> 00:44:50,839
Speaker 1: nice to know the counter argument. She says, you're having

850
00:44:50,840 --> 00:44:54,160
Speaker 1: sex for you and not for the benefit of future generations. Accordingly,

851
00:44:54,560 --> 00:44:56,960
Speaker 1: you need to do what works for yours. Truly, when

852
00:44:57,000 --> 00:44:59,880
Speaker 1: something doesn't feel right, whether it's faking orgasms or salsa

853
00:45:00,040 --> 00:45:02,600
Speaker 1: lessons at the community center, you'll know it and you'll stop.

854
00:45:02,920 --> 00:45:05,440
Speaker 1: Until then keep your head high and the flogging with

855
00:45:05,480 --> 00:45:08,120
Speaker 1: the hardcover copy of our Bodies Ourselves to a minimum,

856
00:45:08,360 --> 00:45:11,480
Speaker 1: feminism is about choices and trusting yourself to make your

857
00:45:11,520 --> 00:45:13,640
Speaker 1: own decisions. I mean, I guess that's fair, like the

858
00:45:13,680 --> 00:45:16,760
Speaker 1: point about the choices, but I guess my question comes

859
00:45:16,800 --> 00:45:21,520
Speaker 1: in with again, intimacy within a relationship and if you

860
00:45:21,600 --> 00:45:26,000
Speaker 1: are asking for that from your partner, the faking piece. Still,

861
00:45:26,080 --> 00:45:28,759
Speaker 1: it just doesn't feel right to me. It doesn't feel authentic.

862
00:45:29,280 --> 00:45:33,360
Speaker 1: Psychology Today said faking is a mate retention strategy. What

863
00:45:33,400 --> 00:45:37,279
Speaker 1: does that mean? It's the likelihood of faking was positively

864
00:45:37,360 --> 00:45:40,400
Speaker 1: correlated to infidelity risks. So oh, I actually read that

865
00:45:40,480 --> 00:45:45,640
Speaker 1: article too. Yeah, so it's you're trying to keep somebody happy. Well,

866
00:45:45,680 --> 00:45:49,759
Speaker 1: it said something about which is again, well, I think

867
00:45:49,800 --> 00:45:53,040
Speaker 1: there's some programming within women that we need to sacrifice

868
00:45:53,040 --> 00:45:55,480
Speaker 1: ourselves in order to keep our partner happy, And like,

869
00:45:55,600 --> 00:45:58,000
Speaker 1: why can't it be both? I just don't understand. Like,

870
00:45:58,480 --> 00:46:00,320
Speaker 1: I read that article too, and I think it talked

871
00:46:00,320 --> 00:46:03,520
Speaker 1: a little bit about the male ego, and this is

872
00:46:03,560 --> 00:46:05,880
Speaker 1: a big misconception. John Rowe had touched on this when

873
00:46:05,880 --> 00:46:07,640
Speaker 1: we talked to him on our podcast, but that men

874
00:46:08,080 --> 00:46:12,319
Speaker 1: are oftentimes way more insecure than women, and so if

875
00:46:12,360 --> 00:46:14,200
Speaker 1: you brought this up to them, they might feel like

876
00:46:14,320 --> 00:46:17,560
Speaker 1: failures or like oh my god and frustrated, or it

877
00:46:17,640 --> 00:46:20,520
Speaker 1: might be a hard pill to swallow. Hopefully you're in

878
00:46:20,560 --> 00:46:23,520
Speaker 1: a relationship with a mature enough guy to be like, well,

879
00:46:23,560 --> 00:46:25,320
Speaker 1: I want to do I want to make you happy.

880
00:46:25,360 --> 00:46:27,080
Speaker 1: I want to do whatever it is, and like, y'all

881
00:46:27,080 --> 00:46:28,960
Speaker 1: can work together. I said to you earlier. I'm like,

882
00:46:29,160 --> 00:46:31,160
Speaker 1: you can make it like a fun project, you know,

883
00:46:31,280 --> 00:46:33,239
Speaker 1: like you're like, oh, we gotta go try to do

884
00:46:33,320 --> 00:46:35,760
Speaker 1: sex again so I can have an orgasm, like figure

885
00:46:35,800 --> 00:46:38,560
Speaker 1: it out together, Like that's fun. Well, what's interesting? Like

886
00:46:38,640 --> 00:46:40,680
Speaker 1: you bring this to a really good point. I loved

887
00:46:40,760 --> 00:46:42,799
Speaker 1: this one. It's from the Only Man on the List.

888
00:46:42,800 --> 00:46:45,920
Speaker 1: It's from Dan Savage, who host Savage Love. I think

889
00:46:45,960 --> 00:46:50,480
Speaker 1: it's brilliant. He said, don't fake period, never admit to

890
00:46:50,520 --> 00:46:54,640
Speaker 1: faking period, and um and this is his explanation. You

891
00:46:54,640 --> 00:46:56,600
Speaker 1: could sit him down and tell him the truth, but

892
00:46:56,640 --> 00:46:58,880
Speaker 1: you'd be running the risk of his never getting erection

893
00:46:58,920 --> 00:47:03,600
Speaker 1: again in his shock shortened life. No straight man can hear, honey,

894
00:47:03,680 --> 00:47:06,560
Speaker 1: all these times that you thought you you'd made me come, Well,

895
00:47:06,640 --> 00:47:10,040
Speaker 1: it was performance art without feeling a little smaller. Here's

896
00:47:10,080 --> 00:47:13,520
Speaker 1: what to do. Stop pretending. Let him think for some reason,

897
00:47:13,520 --> 00:47:17,040
Speaker 1: you've suddenly gone non orgasmic. Getting you going again will

898
00:47:17,040 --> 00:47:19,120
Speaker 1: be a challenge for him, and most boys love a

899
00:47:19,239 --> 00:47:22,440
Speaker 1: challenge within this deceitful framework. To be as honest as

900
00:47:22,480 --> 00:47:25,719
Speaker 1: you can. Think of your vagina as a very complicated

901
00:47:25,760 --> 00:47:27,680
Speaker 1: musical instrument. You have to teach him how to play

902
00:47:27,920 --> 00:47:31,480
Speaker 1: like a mouth harp. Oh I love that mouth harp.

903
00:47:31,600 --> 00:47:36,040
Speaker 1: So you know he's saying, like, just stop faking, yeah,

904
00:47:36,120 --> 00:47:40,360
Speaker 1: but necessarily be like, hey, every time before this of

905
00:47:40,480 --> 00:47:43,600
Speaker 1: faked um. I was reading something and it was from

906
00:47:43,640 --> 00:47:47,640
Speaker 1: an ABC dot com article, but they were talking about

907
00:47:48,320 --> 00:47:50,520
Speaker 1: one of the main things that women do wrong. And

908
00:47:50,600 --> 00:47:52,640
Speaker 1: this is kind of where porn comes in. I think,

909
00:47:52,920 --> 00:47:57,839
Speaker 1: is that jumping right into sex. And this is true

910
00:47:57,840 --> 00:48:00,400
Speaker 1: for me, jumping right into sex, going to have a

911
00:48:00,400 --> 00:48:03,080
Speaker 1: hard time orgasming. The four play is where it's at

912
00:48:03,080 --> 00:48:05,319
Speaker 1: for women, and like if that is kissing, cool, if

913
00:48:05,320 --> 00:48:07,560
Speaker 1: that's going down on her, like all of these things

914
00:48:07,600 --> 00:48:10,040
Speaker 1: we have to have, Like that's like this foundational build

915
00:48:10,120 --> 00:48:12,720
Speaker 1: up that we need and then it's really not that hard.

916
00:48:12,880 --> 00:48:15,440
Speaker 1: Like what it's saying in the other articles, but like,

917
00:48:15,520 --> 00:48:17,239
Speaker 1: it's not so much harder for men. It's just the

918
00:48:17,280 --> 00:48:20,600
Speaker 1: way we get there is a little slower or maybe

919
00:48:20,640 --> 00:48:23,560
Speaker 1: a little more complex, but it can be done. But

920
00:48:23,640 --> 00:48:28,480
Speaker 1: don't skip the four play. Um. One other interesting thing

921
00:48:28,520 --> 00:48:30,319
Speaker 1: that I wanted to bring up because we haven't really

922
00:48:30,320 --> 00:48:34,640
Speaker 1: given them much space in this conversation is lesbians. I

923
00:48:34,640 --> 00:48:37,200
Speaker 1: didn't even think about, so I found an article in

924
00:48:37,200 --> 00:48:40,040
Speaker 1: Psychology today that said that, um, the people that are

925
00:48:40,080 --> 00:48:43,920
Speaker 1: most likely to have orgasms are men and lesbians. And

926
00:48:44,120 --> 00:48:48,120
Speaker 1: the study that they did showed that straight men reported

927
00:48:48,160 --> 00:48:50,600
Speaker 1: that they usually are always have orgasms when they're with

928
00:48:50,600 --> 00:48:55,120
Speaker 1: a woman. By contrast, of women said that they always

929
00:48:55,160 --> 00:48:57,960
Speaker 1: are usually have straight women. Okay, wait, give me that

930
00:48:57,960 --> 00:49:02,800
Speaker 1: percentage again. The man with ye that makes me sad

931
00:49:03,440 --> 00:49:12,400
Speaker 1: report even less lesbian women. Okay, Um, And you know

932
00:49:12,520 --> 00:49:15,120
Speaker 1: they say they attributed to the fact that, like, a

933
00:49:15,239 --> 00:49:18,560
Speaker 1: woman is more in tune with a female boss to say,

934
00:49:18,640 --> 00:49:21,160
Speaker 1: I feel like I would know it probably is more

935
00:49:21,160 --> 00:49:24,239
Speaker 1: willing to explore and try the things that work for

936
00:49:24,239 --> 00:49:26,359
Speaker 1: her on her partner. Well, I think you would also

937
00:49:26,400 --> 00:49:29,239
Speaker 1: know if your partner is faking, because I'm like, that

938
00:49:29,360 --> 00:49:33,960
Speaker 1: wasn't an orgasm? Honey. Yeah, Like that's the other thing.

939
00:49:33,960 --> 00:49:36,360
Speaker 1: I'm like this faking stuff and I mean whatever, I

940
00:49:36,520 --> 00:49:38,879
Speaker 1: know I've done it before in my life, but like

941
00:49:39,480 --> 00:49:42,600
Speaker 1: it's not like how do you not know? There's like

942
00:49:42,640 --> 00:49:46,680
Speaker 1: a whole like your body like contracts, Like I don't understand,

943
00:49:46,719 --> 00:49:48,520
Speaker 1: Like can you guys? I don't know. I mean I

944
00:49:48,520 --> 00:49:50,880
Speaker 1: can't ask you because you have sex with men, But

945
00:49:50,920 --> 00:49:53,879
Speaker 1: I'm like, can you tell? Are you fucking kids? Right? Well?

946
00:49:53,920 --> 00:49:56,799
Speaker 1: This says um. It ends the article saying, based on

947
00:49:56,840 --> 00:49:59,319
Speaker 1: these results, one recommendation would be for straight men to

948
00:49:59,360 --> 00:50:02,160
Speaker 1: consult with Asian women to teach them how to satisfy women.

949
00:50:02,640 --> 00:50:06,560
Speaker 1: This could also give an economic boom to lesbians. They're like,

950
00:50:06,719 --> 00:50:10,680
Speaker 1: you know how you do it? Um, an interpersonal sensation.

951
00:50:11,480 --> 00:50:16,640
Speaker 1: They're like scissoring. That's where it's at all of a sudden,

952
00:50:16,680 --> 00:50:19,480
Speaker 1: your your husband comes home when he's like, Babe, I'm

953
00:50:19,480 --> 00:50:22,839
Speaker 1: gonna try to scissor you tonight with my balls. Well,

954
00:50:22,840 --> 00:50:25,680
Speaker 1: it's like I could imagine like a married woman being

955
00:50:25,719 --> 00:50:29,880
Speaker 1: like accusing her husband of like having a lesbian fantasy

956
00:50:29,920 --> 00:50:33,120
Speaker 1: when he's really just trying to like get some education

957
00:50:33,200 --> 00:50:36,799
Speaker 1: to please his wife. Better. Remember when back in this

958
00:50:37,120 --> 00:50:39,359
Speaker 1: first beginning part of us talking about so much sex

959
00:50:39,360 --> 00:50:41,000
Speaker 1: and dating when those women were telling us they watch

960
00:50:41,120 --> 00:50:45,239
Speaker 1: lesbian porn. This is an interesting thought because this is

961
00:50:45,320 --> 00:50:48,040
Speaker 1: why I seriously think that, because remember they were like,

962
00:50:48,120 --> 00:50:51,000
Speaker 1: I'm straight, Like I'm not at all interested in like

963
00:50:51,080 --> 00:50:53,120
Speaker 1: cooking up with a girl, but for some reason, like

964
00:50:53,719 --> 00:50:56,040
Speaker 1: if I want to watch porn, I would watch lesbian

965
00:50:56,080 --> 00:50:59,680
Speaker 1: I wonder if in lesbian porn you're actually seeing real

966
00:50:59,760 --> 00:51:04,480
Speaker 1: organ and there's something about like that, you just know

967
00:51:04,600 --> 00:51:08,320
Speaker 1: there's a constinctually like you're seeing like real pleasure for

968
00:51:08,360 --> 00:51:12,640
Speaker 1: the first time. Fascinating. Well, I mean not to harp

969
00:51:12,680 --> 00:51:14,440
Speaker 1: on the porn stuff too much, but I do feel

970
00:51:14,440 --> 00:51:17,000
Speaker 1: like to when we talk about like the heterosexual stuff,

971
00:51:17,000 --> 00:51:20,520
Speaker 1: it's most secured towards the man having an orgasm, so

972
00:51:20,600 --> 00:51:24,160
Speaker 1: it's again not I mean, that's like the programming that's happening,

973
00:51:24,200 --> 00:51:26,840
Speaker 1: which is so bizarre that you can have all of

974
00:51:26,880 --> 00:51:31,120
Speaker 1: this feminine, feminist conversation happening and at the same time,

975
00:51:31,160 --> 00:51:36,359
Speaker 1: on the other side, you're like having porn that's being

976
00:51:36,360 --> 00:51:39,239
Speaker 1: made that's completely not at all about the woman at all.

977
00:51:39,800 --> 00:51:42,040
Speaker 1: It's fascinating. Do you have anything else you want to

978
00:51:42,040 --> 00:51:46,080
Speaker 1: add to this? I overall think that faking is a lie.

979
00:51:46,360 --> 00:51:49,680
Speaker 1: I think so too, and I think it's um it's

980
00:51:49,680 --> 00:51:55,440
Speaker 1: detrimental to both people. Yeah, so you know, sometimes little

981
00:51:55,480 --> 00:51:58,560
Speaker 1: white lies are good for both parties. I think in

982
00:51:58,600 --> 00:52:02,239
Speaker 1: this case, honesty is best. See when you even said that,

983
00:52:02,280 --> 00:52:05,319
Speaker 1: I was like, like like, what kind of white less you know? Like, no,

984
00:52:05,480 --> 00:52:07,399
Speaker 1: that shirt doesn't make you look fat? Well that's what okay.

985
00:52:07,440 --> 00:52:10,799
Speaker 1: I did read an article that someone said faking an

986
00:52:10,920 --> 00:52:14,879
Speaker 1: orgasm is is okay because it's equivalent to like, hey, babe,

987
00:52:14,920 --> 00:52:16,920
Speaker 1: does this dress make me look fat? And you don't

988
00:52:16,920 --> 00:52:21,200
Speaker 1: ever want them to say yes, but no, your fat

989
00:52:21,239 --> 00:52:25,080
Speaker 1: body makes you So you just gotta be honest there too,

990
00:52:25,239 --> 00:52:28,480
Speaker 1: I guess. But yeah, I just like this to me

991
00:52:28,560 --> 00:52:32,400
Speaker 1: feels different because by faking, I think you do yourself

992
00:52:32,440 --> 00:52:35,080
Speaker 1: the desservice of not having an orgasm. So it's like,

993
00:52:35,840 --> 00:52:37,720
Speaker 1: I don't know, it just feels different because like, don't

994
00:52:37,719 --> 00:52:41,279
Speaker 1: you want to enjoy sex? Yeah, it's crazy to me,

995
00:52:41,440 --> 00:52:44,480
Speaker 1: I don't know. I'm all for it. Power of the pussy,

996
00:52:44,760 --> 00:52:49,399
Speaker 1: have those orchis, and men make your ladies come, and

997
00:52:49,480 --> 00:52:52,640
Speaker 1: also men ask. Yeah. Just I think it's as simple

998
00:52:52,680 --> 00:52:55,040
Speaker 1: as being like, hey, what what can I do better,

999
00:52:55,120 --> 00:52:57,240
Speaker 1: or what do I need to do and like start

1000
00:52:57,360 --> 00:53:00,000
Speaker 1: if your girl is not starting the conversation, maybe you'ld

1001
00:53:00,000 --> 00:53:02,120
Speaker 1: should I have a question for you? Okay, oh god?

1002
00:53:02,600 --> 00:53:04,600
Speaker 1: Do you think men should call women out when they

1003
00:53:04,600 --> 00:53:10,080
Speaker 1: think that they're faking it? Actually? Do? Yeah, we just

1004
00:53:10,120 --> 00:53:14,319
Speaker 1: did this side It's like I do, because then it's like,

1005
00:53:14,840 --> 00:53:17,200
Speaker 1: first of all, either then her performance is going to

1006
00:53:17,280 --> 00:53:20,319
Speaker 1: have to get like really fucking good, or she's gonna

1007
00:53:20,360 --> 00:53:24,360
Speaker 1: have to get honest and be like, yes, okay, fine,

1008
00:53:24,560 --> 00:53:27,520
Speaker 1: I'm faking and I can't get off like I don't

1009
00:53:27,520 --> 00:53:29,960
Speaker 1: know what's happening, but it's not working for me. And

1010
00:53:29,960 --> 00:53:32,239
Speaker 1: then it either starts the conversation and you'd start to

1011
00:53:32,280 --> 00:53:35,879
Speaker 1: go through it together or like I said, you either

1012
00:53:35,960 --> 00:53:37,919
Speaker 1: move on or she's going to have to really up

1013
00:53:37,920 --> 00:53:44,080
Speaker 1: her stella. When Harry met Sally like eight hundred times,

1014
00:53:44,520 --> 00:53:46,520
Speaker 1: I mean, any guy who thinks that that's what a

1015
00:53:46,560 --> 00:53:50,680
Speaker 1: real orgasm? No? Well, and I think too. It's like guys,

1016
00:53:50,760 --> 00:53:53,080
Speaker 1: if you're going to call out your partner on it,

1017
00:53:53,160 --> 00:53:55,520
Speaker 1: like you have to do it with some give them

1018
00:53:55,560 --> 00:53:58,600
Speaker 1: some grace because you do it because you want like

1019
00:53:58,719 --> 00:54:01,480
Speaker 1: approach it because you want to be pleasing them because

1020
00:54:01,520 --> 00:54:03,480
Speaker 1: you want the satisfaction of knowing whether or not they

1021
00:54:03,480 --> 00:54:07,000
Speaker 1: were lying. Right. It's a tough conversation. All of these

1022
00:54:07,000 --> 00:54:08,759
Speaker 1: things are hard. I think that if you go in

1023
00:54:08,840 --> 00:54:12,520
Speaker 1: with the gentleness and kindness of knowing your partner probably

1024
00:54:12,520 --> 00:54:15,719
Speaker 1: has good intentions on both sides, um, it can make

1025
00:54:15,760 --> 00:54:17,600
Speaker 1: it a lot easier. And then the sex ends up

1026
00:54:17,640 --> 00:54:20,960
Speaker 1: better for both of you exactly. And who doesn't better sex?

1027
00:54:21,239 --> 00:54:25,120
Speaker 1: Who doesn't want better sex? It's always fun? Um. All right. Well,

1028
00:54:25,160 --> 00:54:26,839
Speaker 1: I think that's all we have for you guys this week.

1029
00:54:27,320 --> 00:54:29,640
Speaker 1: Keep the questions coming. We really do need to dive

1030
00:54:29,680 --> 00:54:33,880
Speaker 1: into this porn and masturbation conversation. I feel, yeah, I

1031
00:54:33,920 --> 00:54:36,399
Speaker 1: think because it's like a tough one. All of these

1032
00:54:36,440 --> 00:54:39,160
Speaker 1: things that we talk about we talk about because we

1033
00:54:39,160 --> 00:54:41,080
Speaker 1: don't think they should be taboo to talk about. Like

1034
00:54:41,200 --> 00:54:43,880
Speaker 1: I think, to me, it's just like I need to

1035
00:54:43,880 --> 00:54:45,680
Speaker 1: know the answers to this stuff. And I know a

1036
00:54:45,680 --> 00:54:47,160
Speaker 1: lot of my friends and I talked about it, so

1037
00:54:47,239 --> 00:54:49,080
Speaker 1: like why are we not? Why are we making stuff

1038
00:54:49,120 --> 00:54:51,080
Speaker 1: so hard to talk about? Because I think this is

1039
00:54:51,120 --> 00:54:54,360
Speaker 1: why exactly why things like faking orgasms is happening to

1040
00:54:54,920 --> 00:54:56,959
Speaker 1: And look, if you would have asked me a year ago,

1041
00:54:57,000 --> 00:54:59,600
Speaker 1: if this is what I would be doing, I would

1042
00:54:59,600 --> 00:55:01,720
Speaker 1: have been funk. No, I'm not talking about that ship

1043
00:55:01,800 --> 00:55:03,680
Speaker 1: so people can hear me talk about it, so it's

1044
00:55:03,719 --> 00:55:07,520
Speaker 1: like I'm feeling the I'm feeling the effects of just

1045
00:55:07,600 --> 00:55:10,080
Speaker 1: talking about it. It's good. It's helping you get more

1046
00:55:10,120 --> 00:55:13,640
Speaker 1: honest too. Well. I hope you guys got some information

1047
00:55:13,640 --> 00:55:15,359
Speaker 1: out of us, and I hope you are all having

1048
00:55:15,480 --> 00:55:19,160
Speaker 1: orgasms by yourself or with someone else, and keep the

1049
00:55:19,239 --> 00:55:24,960
Speaker 1: questions coming. Have a good weekend. Always remember to act

1050
00:55:25,120 --> 00:55:29,120
Speaker 1: casual unless it means faking an archasm by