1
00:00:00,040 --> 00:00:13,320
Speaker 1: M h. Welcome to the Therapy for Black Girls Podcast,

2
00:00:13,840 --> 00:00:18,720
Speaker 1: a weekly conversation about mental health, personal development, and all

3
00:00:18,720 --> 00:00:21,400
Speaker 1: the small decisions we can make to become the best

4
00:00:21,400 --> 00:00:25,760
Speaker 1: possible versions of ourselves. I'm your host, Dr Joy hard

5
00:00:25,800 --> 00:00:30,560
Speaker 1: and Bradford, a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. For more

6
00:00:30,640 --> 00:00:34,640
Speaker 1: information or to find a therapist in your area, visit

7
00:00:34,680 --> 00:00:38,760
Speaker 1: our website at Therapy for Black Girls dot com. While

8
00:00:38,800 --> 00:00:42,479
Speaker 1: I hope you love listening to and learning from the podcast,

9
00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:46,080
Speaker 1: it is not meant to be a substitute for relationship

10
00:00:46,159 --> 00:00:57,080
Speaker 1: with a licensed mental health professional. Hey y'all, thanks so

11
00:00:57,160 --> 00:01:00,200
Speaker 1: much for joining me for session of the Therapy from

12
00:01:00,200 --> 00:01:03,880
Speaker 1: Black Girls Podcast. We'll get into the episode right after

13
00:01:03,960 --> 00:01:17,280
Speaker 1: a word from our sponsors. According to an article from

14
00:01:17,360 --> 00:01:20,520
Speaker 1: Very Well Mind, a d h D symptoms and girls

15
00:01:20,560 --> 00:01:23,600
Speaker 1: are often explained as character traits rather than a d

16
00:01:23,760 --> 00:01:27,000
Speaker 1: h D. Girls might be thought of as spacey, as

17
00:01:27,080 --> 00:01:31,319
Speaker 1: day dreamers, forgetful or chatty, and later in life, a

18
00:01:31,400 --> 00:01:33,319
Speaker 1: woman might reach out for help for a d h

19
00:01:33,400 --> 00:01:37,399
Speaker 1: D only to be diagnosed with depression our anxiety. Instead.

20
00:01:37,840 --> 00:01:40,080
Speaker 1: To help us explore what it might look like to

21
00:01:40,160 --> 00:01:42,919
Speaker 1: have a diagnosis of a d h D later in life.

22
00:01:43,280 --> 00:01:46,800
Speaker 1: I'm joined today by two very special guests, Inger Shake

23
00:01:46,880 --> 00:01:50,440
Speaker 1: Colzy and Renee brooks Inger Sha is an a d

24
00:01:50,640 --> 00:01:54,680
Speaker 1: h D coach and psychotherapists specializing in making a difference

25
00:01:54,720 --> 00:01:59,840
Speaker 1: for Black women, executives and entrepreneurs, supporting women through clarity, empowerment,

26
00:01:59,840 --> 00:02:04,400
Speaker 1: and resilience. She has successfully run her practice Alchemy Coaching

27
00:02:04,400 --> 00:02:08,040
Speaker 1: and Counseling as a therapist and licensed clinical social worker

28
00:02:08,120 --> 00:02:12,520
Speaker 1: for fifteen years in spite of being undiagnosed until her fifties.

29
00:02:12,960 --> 00:02:16,679
Speaker 1: She offers the benefits of professional expertise with a lifetime

30
00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:21,560
Speaker 1: of experience. Renee is the founder of Black Girl Lost Keys,

31
00:02:21,600 --> 00:02:24,960
Speaker 1: a blog that empowers Black women with a D and

32
00:02:25,040 --> 00:02:27,960
Speaker 1: shows them how to live well with the disorder. In

33
00:02:28,000 --> 00:02:31,480
Speaker 1: addition to Black Girl Loss Keys, she has also written

34
00:02:31,520 --> 00:02:35,679
Speaker 1: for Healthline and as a patient contributor to Teva Pharmaceuticals

35
00:02:35,800 --> 00:02:40,200
Speaker 1: Life Effects Project. During our conversations, we chatted about the

36
00:02:40,240 --> 00:02:43,440
Speaker 1: impact of being diagnosed with a d D later in life,

37
00:02:43,840 --> 00:02:47,560
Speaker 1: why Black women are commonly misdiagnosed, how a later in

38
00:02:47,639 --> 00:02:51,720
Speaker 1: life diagnosis impacts things like self esteem and identity, and

39
00:02:51,919 --> 00:02:54,919
Speaker 1: some helpful tools and resources for anyone who might need

40
00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:58,080
Speaker 1: them if there's something that resonates with you while enjoying

41
00:02:58,080 --> 00:03:01,720
Speaker 1: our conversations. Please share with us on social media using

42
00:03:01,760 --> 00:03:08,960
Speaker 1: the hashtag tv G. In session here's our conversation. Well,

43
00:03:09,000 --> 00:03:11,160
Speaker 1: thank you so much for joining us today, Anger shame.

44
00:03:11,440 --> 00:03:14,600
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for having me. I'm happy to

45
00:03:14,720 --> 00:03:17,400
Speaker 1: have you as a follow up. So, in session sixty

46
00:03:17,440 --> 00:03:20,520
Speaker 1: six of the podcast, we talked with psychiatrist Dr Dawn

47
00:03:20,560 --> 00:03:23,720
Speaker 1: Brown about some of the fundamentals of a d h D.

48
00:03:23,760 --> 00:03:25,760
Speaker 1: But I love for you to give us a recap

49
00:03:26,240 --> 00:03:28,880
Speaker 1: or refresher for anybody who maybe didn't catch that episode,

50
00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:32,160
Speaker 1: just about the different types of a d h D. Well.

51
00:03:32,200 --> 00:03:34,280
Speaker 1: There are a few types of a d h D.

52
00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:38,080
Speaker 1: There is the hyperactive type, which is what you're used

53
00:03:38,120 --> 00:03:40,680
Speaker 1: to normally saying when they talk about a d h D.

54
00:03:40,800 --> 00:03:43,160
Speaker 1: A lot of times, that is what it is connected to,

55
00:03:43,480 --> 00:03:47,120
Speaker 1: young boys falling out of their chairs and bouncing around,

56
00:03:47,400 --> 00:03:50,600
Speaker 1: and that's what people usually think about a d h D.

57
00:03:50,760 --> 00:03:53,600
Speaker 1: There is the inattentive type, which is port of a

58
00:03:53,680 --> 00:03:58,520
Speaker 1: day dreamer type, where sometimes people seem spafy, people seem

59
00:03:58,560 --> 00:04:01,960
Speaker 1: like they are just not really paying attention, and sometimes

60
00:04:01,960 --> 00:04:04,920
Speaker 1: they just feel like they're introverted or quiet and then

61
00:04:04,920 --> 00:04:08,240
Speaker 1: there's a combined type where you have different parts of

62
00:04:08,240 --> 00:04:10,280
Speaker 1: each of the A d h D. So you can

63
00:04:10,400 --> 00:04:13,560
Speaker 1: have hyperactivity, but as an adult that may go inward

64
00:04:14,360 --> 00:04:18,080
Speaker 1: and manifested anxiety. And then you also might have the

65
00:04:18,120 --> 00:04:21,839
Speaker 1: attentive part of the combined type where you are just

66
00:04:21,960 --> 00:04:25,640
Speaker 1: able to focus on things that might you might need

67
00:04:25,680 --> 00:04:28,120
Speaker 1: to focus on that are not of interest to you.

68
00:04:28,440 --> 00:04:31,560
Speaker 1: M got it, And I'd love to hear more about

69
00:04:31,600 --> 00:04:35,240
Speaker 1: your background Inglishet. So you have background as a therapist,

70
00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:38,080
Speaker 1: but you shifted more towards a d h D coaching.

71
00:04:38,279 --> 00:04:40,560
Speaker 1: I'd love to hear more about how you made that shift.

72
00:04:40,600 --> 00:04:42,760
Speaker 1: Was there something in particular in your practice that led

73
00:04:42,800 --> 00:04:45,960
Speaker 1: you to kind of shift to that specialty. I didn't

74
00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:47,359
Speaker 1: realize that I had a h D. I was not

75
00:04:47,400 --> 00:04:50,400
Speaker 1: diagnosed until I was in my fifties. I was always

76
00:04:50,440 --> 00:04:54,320
Speaker 1: the kid that was had so much potential, so much potential,

77
00:04:54,560 --> 00:04:57,480
Speaker 1: but always felt like they were behind. It took me

78
00:04:57,839 --> 00:05:00,839
Speaker 1: actually eight years to get through undergrad shout out to

79
00:05:00,920 --> 00:05:04,120
Speaker 1: Virginia State University, and my parents just kept sending me

80
00:05:04,160 --> 00:05:06,280
Speaker 1: back because I couldn't figure out how to get my

81
00:05:06,600 --> 00:05:08,599
Speaker 1: sim ex turned in on time or go to class,

82
00:05:09,120 --> 00:05:12,000
Speaker 1: you know, without the structure. But when I finished school,

83
00:05:12,320 --> 00:05:14,120
Speaker 1: like you know, I was able to manage to have

84
00:05:14,240 --> 00:05:17,320
Speaker 1: jobs that sometimes we were great for me and sometimes weren't.

85
00:05:17,960 --> 00:05:20,920
Speaker 1: And I decided to have my own practice. I went

86
00:05:20,960 --> 00:05:24,400
Speaker 1: back to grad school when I was in my forties,

87
00:05:24,600 --> 00:05:27,360
Speaker 1: and I got pregnant at that time, and I managed

88
00:05:27,360 --> 00:05:29,840
Speaker 1: to finish grad school with a baby pregnant and then

89
00:05:29,880 --> 00:05:33,080
Speaker 1: with a baby one time. So who knew that when

90
00:05:33,080 --> 00:05:35,080
Speaker 1: you could get hyper focused that that could help you.

91
00:05:35,480 --> 00:05:38,520
Speaker 1: But I always was just thinking that I wasn't quite

92
00:05:38,560 --> 00:05:40,919
Speaker 1: where I needed to be. I had my practice and

93
00:05:40,960 --> 00:05:43,320
Speaker 1: it was successful and it was fine, but it was

94
00:05:43,400 --> 00:05:45,360
Speaker 1: kind of like uh I called the duck analogy, where

95
00:05:45,400 --> 00:05:47,479
Speaker 1: everything went gray on the surface that was powering my

96
00:05:47,560 --> 00:05:51,200
Speaker 1: heart out underneath. And it wasn't until my son was

97
00:05:51,279 --> 00:05:53,919
Speaker 1: diagnosed with a d h D that I realized that

98
00:05:54,080 --> 00:05:57,080
Speaker 1: I had a d h D and that what was

99
00:05:57,120 --> 00:06:00,120
Speaker 1: going on. I was not able to get treatment for

100
00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:02,520
Speaker 1: like another year or two because I was so busy

101
00:06:02,880 --> 00:06:04,839
Speaker 1: dealing with all the different parts of a d h

102
00:06:04,920 --> 00:06:09,320
Speaker 1: D from my son. But when I got diagnosed, I

103
00:06:09,400 --> 00:06:13,839
Speaker 1: got treatment and I got some coaching. I realized how

104
00:06:13,920 --> 00:06:16,080
Speaker 1: powerful it was to be able to take care of

105
00:06:16,120 --> 00:06:18,599
Speaker 1: that because that is what it wanted me to be

106
00:06:18,680 --> 00:06:22,039
Speaker 1: so much more successful in all aspects of my life.

107
00:06:22,240 --> 00:06:24,719
Speaker 1: And that's why I turned my practice and now I

108
00:06:24,760 --> 00:06:27,040
Speaker 1: do a d h D coaching. It's so interesting that

109
00:06:27,080 --> 00:06:30,480
Speaker 1: you mentioned that ingershe about not knowing that you had

110
00:06:30,560 --> 00:06:33,080
Speaker 1: a d h D until your son was diagnosed. I

111
00:06:33,120 --> 00:06:35,159
Speaker 1: feel like that's a common theme, Like I've heard that

112
00:06:35,320 --> 00:06:38,040
Speaker 1: story several times, right, So what do you think it's

113
00:06:38,120 --> 00:06:40,479
Speaker 1: it's about. Do you think it's just more exposure to

114
00:06:40,560 --> 00:06:42,719
Speaker 1: like the different kinds of symptoms or is there something

115
00:06:42,720 --> 00:06:45,919
Speaker 1: else there what usually happened. So a lot of people

116
00:06:46,000 --> 00:06:49,040
Speaker 1: don't even really know what a d h D is

117
00:06:49,240 --> 00:06:52,640
Speaker 1: or what the symptoms are. A lot of times people

118
00:06:53,440 --> 00:06:57,120
Speaker 1: dismiss what's happening and they just go on about their business.

119
00:06:57,720 --> 00:07:00,760
Speaker 1: You know, especially in the black community, a lot of

120
00:07:00,760 --> 00:07:03,599
Speaker 1: times we don't even want to know that D exists.

121
00:07:03,920 --> 00:07:07,600
Speaker 1: Usually it's your son that diagnosed, and that's when you go, oh,

122
00:07:07,640 --> 00:07:11,280
Speaker 1: that could be me, because it's picked up more in boys,

123
00:07:11,960 --> 00:07:13,720
Speaker 1: and when you feel like like the Connors and the

124
00:07:13,720 --> 00:07:17,120
Speaker 1: different writing scales, it's like, oh yeah, that uh, that

125
00:07:17,200 --> 00:07:20,440
Speaker 1: applies to me. And that is why a lot of

126
00:07:20,480 --> 00:07:24,720
Speaker 1: women are undiagnosed, you know, especially in the Black community,

127
00:07:24,960 --> 00:07:28,040
Speaker 1: because they just are not aware or they'll be able

128
00:07:28,080 --> 00:07:30,160
Speaker 1: to have to deal with that because we've got so

129
00:07:30,240 --> 00:07:33,840
Speaker 1: much minilar things going on m So in addition to

130
00:07:34,320 --> 00:07:36,720
Speaker 1: you know, they're not wanting to necessarily know the full

131
00:07:36,760 --> 00:07:39,200
Speaker 1: truth about the symptoms. Do you think that there are

132
00:07:39,240 --> 00:07:42,120
Speaker 1: other challenges for Black women who are seeking diagnosis and

133
00:07:42,160 --> 00:07:45,760
Speaker 1: then treatment. Oh? Absolutely, I think it's not necessarily even

134
00:07:45,840 --> 00:07:47,880
Speaker 1: just don't want to know it's going People don't know

135
00:07:47,960 --> 00:07:50,600
Speaker 1: about a d h D. Most of the research on

136
00:07:50,960 --> 00:07:54,040
Speaker 1: young white boys, so the fact that you know that's

137
00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:56,400
Speaker 1: where the research is, there is not even research that

138
00:07:56,440 --> 00:07:59,680
Speaker 1: correlates with us. So I know that I'm in my fifties,

139
00:07:59,720 --> 00:08:02,360
Speaker 1: so I didn't even know that a d h D existed,

140
00:08:02,480 --> 00:08:04,600
Speaker 1: and my parents did back then. You just have to

141
00:08:04,600 --> 00:08:07,320
Speaker 1: figure it out, like you know, get your workarounds together.

142
00:08:07,960 --> 00:08:10,800
Speaker 1: Now more people know than ever, but still people are

143
00:08:11,360 --> 00:08:15,640
Speaker 1: walking around undiagnosed and just wondering why they aren't quite

144
00:08:15,680 --> 00:08:18,880
Speaker 1: able to reach the potentials that they think have. I

145
00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:21,720
Speaker 1: try to be out there advocating so that people do

146
00:08:21,880 --> 00:08:25,320
Speaker 1: know that d D exists and exist for women, exist

147
00:08:25,400 --> 00:08:28,880
Speaker 1: for adults. Because there's also that perception that you can

148
00:08:28,920 --> 00:08:31,200
Speaker 1: grow out of a d h D. There's a small

149
00:08:31,240 --> 00:08:35,040
Speaker 1: percentage of the population that does, but most people do not,

150
00:08:35,920 --> 00:08:39,360
Speaker 1: and the fact that that is a misperception. Also there's

151
00:08:39,360 --> 00:08:43,520
Speaker 1: another reason why people aren't able to get diagnoses. When

152
00:08:43,520 --> 00:08:46,360
Speaker 1: the clinicians aren't really well versed in a d h D.

153
00:08:47,120 --> 00:08:49,360
Speaker 1: They'll look at some of the symptoms and they'll a

154
00:08:49,400 --> 00:08:51,880
Speaker 1: lot of times, you look at black women have biased

155
00:08:52,320 --> 00:08:55,680
Speaker 1: and say, oh, it's bipolar, or it's just oppression, or

156
00:08:55,720 --> 00:08:59,400
Speaker 1: it's just anxiety. And when you treat the m h D,

157
00:08:59,440 --> 00:09:01,640
Speaker 1: if you know about it, then you can treat the anxiety,

158
00:09:01,760 --> 00:09:04,559
Speaker 1: you can treat the depression because once you treat those symptoms,

159
00:09:04,800 --> 00:09:07,719
Speaker 1: it helps to resolve the other commodidities. And can you

160
00:09:07,800 --> 00:09:10,679
Speaker 1: talk a little bit about some of those symptoms that

161
00:09:10,760 --> 00:09:15,040
Speaker 1: are often missed are often diagnosed as something else. Yes,

162
00:09:15,160 --> 00:09:19,480
Speaker 1: so many times because when you feel like you're failing,

163
00:09:19,840 --> 00:09:21,439
Speaker 1: you know, because the a d h D. You might

164
00:09:21,520 --> 00:09:24,079
Speaker 1: find that you are working twice as hard as some

165
00:09:24,240 --> 00:09:25,920
Speaker 1: of the people that you work with, or look around

166
00:09:25,920 --> 00:09:27,200
Speaker 1: some of your friends and it seems like they are

167
00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:30,160
Speaker 1: doing things flawlessly and easily, and you have to work

168
00:09:30,240 --> 00:09:33,200
Speaker 1: twice as hard because you may have an attention to

169
00:09:33,640 --> 00:09:36,040
Speaker 1: many things that aren't important to you because we have

170
00:09:36,040 --> 00:09:39,440
Speaker 1: an interesting based attention system. You may also notice that,

171
00:09:39,480 --> 00:09:41,480
Speaker 1: you know, as women's mothers, like if we're not getting

172
00:09:41,480 --> 00:09:44,560
Speaker 1: dinner on the table on time, and when shame comes

173
00:09:44,559 --> 00:09:48,400
Speaker 1: into play, that leads to depression. When shame comes into play,

174
00:09:48,440 --> 00:09:50,640
Speaker 1: it can lead to anxiety as you you're trying to

175
00:09:50,720 --> 00:09:53,360
Speaker 1: keep up with everyone else. So when you go into

176
00:09:53,640 --> 00:09:57,360
Speaker 1: psychiatrist office or your therapist office, you say I'm depressed.

177
00:09:57,600 --> 00:10:00,280
Speaker 1: You know, I feel like I'm inadequate. They don't always

178
00:10:00,280 --> 00:10:02,559
Speaker 1: look at a d h D, so they will look

179
00:10:02,600 --> 00:10:04,520
Speaker 1: at these other symptoms that they know well and it

180
00:10:04,559 --> 00:10:08,120
Speaker 1: could check those boxes. But when they aren't as well

181
00:10:08,240 --> 00:10:11,079
Speaker 1: versed and how a d h D affects people, they

182
00:10:11,080 --> 00:10:14,240
Speaker 1: will totally in this that that is part of the condition. Yeah,

183
00:10:14,240 --> 00:10:17,520
Speaker 1: So why do you think they go so extreme as bipolar?

184
00:10:17,640 --> 00:10:20,120
Speaker 1: I mean, I do feel like in some ways bipolar

185
00:10:20,200 --> 00:10:23,079
Speaker 1: tends to be like a catch all right when people

186
00:10:23,120 --> 00:10:26,000
Speaker 1: don't quite know exactly what's happening. But do you think

187
00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:29,080
Speaker 1: there's something else there for why the extreme of a

188
00:10:29,120 --> 00:10:32,400
Speaker 1: bipolar disorder? I think some of it may have to

189
00:10:32,440 --> 00:10:36,160
Speaker 1: do with bias when you know, women of color can

190
00:10:36,200 --> 00:10:39,640
Speaker 1: report different things with their emotional regulation. Sometimes, you know,

191
00:10:39,720 --> 00:10:43,480
Speaker 1: just always feeling like someone is not understanding how they're feeling,

192
00:10:43,760 --> 00:10:46,439
Speaker 1: that they're feeling like people are just coming at them.

193
00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:50,320
Speaker 1: Called RSD rejection sensitivity to square that's coined by Dr

194
00:10:50,320 --> 00:10:53,679
Speaker 1: William Dodson's it's not in a DSM. And what they

195
00:10:53,720 --> 00:10:56,679
Speaker 1: don't look at is that the emotional piece of a

196
00:10:56,800 --> 00:10:59,680
Speaker 1: d h D is really one of the biggest triggers

197
00:10:59,679 --> 00:11:02,640
Speaker 1: of what coming on because as our emotions go, that

198
00:11:02,800 --> 00:11:05,440
Speaker 1: is how we're able to regulate all the things that

199
00:11:05,480 --> 00:11:09,800
Speaker 1: are our life motivation and the organization and getting over

200
00:11:09,800 --> 00:11:13,000
Speaker 1: the procrastination. And what will happen is you may end

201
00:11:13,040 --> 00:11:16,920
Speaker 1: up with imposter syndrome, which can then look like or

202
00:11:17,000 --> 00:11:20,280
Speaker 1: disregulated because you are not living into the potential that

203
00:11:20,360 --> 00:11:24,520
Speaker 1: you have. And again Shane, shame and emotilation are the

204
00:11:24,600 --> 00:11:28,520
Speaker 1: hallmarks of a d h D symptoms that are devastating

205
00:11:28,600 --> 00:11:31,720
Speaker 1: when and clinicians can look at that as having bipolar

206
00:11:31,920 --> 00:11:34,280
Speaker 1: especially when the clinician isn't well versed in a d

207
00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:36,719
Speaker 1: h D. And I think the bias of black women

208
00:11:36,800 --> 00:11:40,120
Speaker 1: were told what times we're just too much. We're just

209
00:11:40,360 --> 00:11:43,240
Speaker 1: you're just too much, you see. To calm down over there.

210
00:11:43,320 --> 00:11:47,000
Speaker 1: And when you have that type of bias conscious or unconscious,

211
00:11:47,160 --> 00:11:49,680
Speaker 1: when you're looking at the ways to diagnose, that seems

212
00:11:49,720 --> 00:11:53,280
Speaker 1: to have more often got it. So you mentioned Inertia

213
00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:55,960
Speaker 1: that a turning point for you was receiving A d

214
00:11:56,080 --> 00:11:58,959
Speaker 1: h D coaching to help with your own symptoms. Can

215
00:11:59,000 --> 00:12:01,120
Speaker 1: you talk a little bit of out the difference between

216
00:12:01,200 --> 00:12:04,960
Speaker 1: A d D coaching and therapy and how might someone

217
00:12:05,080 --> 00:12:08,080
Speaker 1: know whether they need one or the other. Well, it

218
00:12:08,160 --> 00:12:11,920
Speaker 1: depends because actually you may need both. So coaching and

219
00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:15,960
Speaker 1: therapy are different. Coaching is where you're going to look

220
00:12:16,040 --> 00:12:19,960
Speaker 1: forward at your goals and different ways that you can

221
00:12:20,040 --> 00:12:23,200
Speaker 1: look at the A d h D and shure up

222
00:12:23,320 --> 00:12:26,040
Speaker 1: the strength because you know, when we delve into our strength,

223
00:12:26,679 --> 00:12:29,360
Speaker 1: that's the reason why we're able to move forward. Sometimes

224
00:12:29,360 --> 00:12:33,560
Speaker 1: we cannot connect what we are actually doing to what

225
00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:35,679
Speaker 1: is going on in our lives. With a d h D,

226
00:12:35,800 --> 00:12:38,920
Speaker 1: there's that disconnect that goes on with that. So when

227
00:12:38,920 --> 00:12:41,280
Speaker 1: you have coaching, we're able to look at the A

228
00:12:41,880 --> 00:12:44,920
Speaker 1: D can be more productive with it. How you can

229
00:12:45,040 --> 00:12:47,800
Speaker 1: use your strengths to be able to help you moving

230
00:12:47,840 --> 00:12:50,679
Speaker 1: forward where you're in therapy, you know you're going to

231
00:12:50,760 --> 00:12:54,120
Speaker 1: actually have a diagnosable conditions that have to be addressed

232
00:12:54,280 --> 00:12:57,839
Speaker 1: in a therapy because coaches are not therapists, and you

233
00:12:57,920 --> 00:13:00,240
Speaker 1: have coach that's trying to be a therapist runtal way,

234
00:13:00,320 --> 00:13:02,680
Speaker 1: because we go through a lot of training to become therapists,

235
00:13:02,679 --> 00:13:04,960
Speaker 1: and I think it's very important to have that distinction

236
00:13:05,040 --> 00:13:08,040
Speaker 1: between the two. You know, actually I live in Pennsylvania.

237
00:13:08,080 --> 00:13:11,280
Speaker 1: You have to actually have two separate businesses to be

238
00:13:11,360 --> 00:13:14,120
Speaker 1: able to do both, because it's just so important to

239
00:13:14,280 --> 00:13:17,480
Speaker 1: make sure that there's a designation between the two, right

240
00:13:17,880 --> 00:13:20,800
Speaker 1: And is that something that's some therapists. I would imagine

241
00:13:20,840 --> 00:13:24,600
Speaker 1: that some therapists do more of that hands on kind

242
00:13:24,600 --> 00:13:27,520
Speaker 1: of future facing, like, Okay, these are the ways we

243
00:13:27,520 --> 00:13:31,080
Speaker 1: can help you to organize. So is there some crossover there?

244
00:13:31,160 --> 00:13:35,640
Speaker 1: Sometimes there absolutely could be some crossover there, sometimes depending

245
00:13:35,679 --> 00:13:37,719
Speaker 1: on you know the therapists and you know what they

246
00:13:37,760 --> 00:13:40,280
Speaker 1: are doing. When you're doing coaching, it's not just we're

247
00:13:40,280 --> 00:13:42,839
Speaker 1: gonna tell you how to wake up tenants earlier so

248
00:13:42,960 --> 00:13:44,080
Speaker 1: that you can get out of the door in time,

249
00:13:44,360 --> 00:13:46,079
Speaker 1: or going to tell you like use of planner in

250
00:13:46,240 --> 00:13:48,640
Speaker 1: order to be able to organize your life when you're

251
00:13:48,679 --> 00:13:51,600
Speaker 1: do coaching. You know, we'll look at your big wife.

252
00:13:52,280 --> 00:13:55,040
Speaker 1: You know why you're doing things, what you're interested in,

253
00:13:55,520 --> 00:13:59,800
Speaker 1: how you're able to then like tether together the different

254
00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:02,760
Speaker 1: parts of your life should be able to be successful.

255
00:14:03,160 --> 00:14:07,000
Speaker 1: What I find happens a lot is that people will

256
00:14:07,040 --> 00:14:10,359
Speaker 1: collapse everything together. People's a d H D are pretentious.

257
00:14:10,360 --> 00:14:14,000
Speaker 1: Thing goes we can collect everything together, like if I'm late,

258
00:14:14,280 --> 00:14:16,800
Speaker 1: then that must mean that I don't care that. You know,

259
00:14:16,800 --> 00:14:19,320
Speaker 1: it must be that I am not good enough. I

260
00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:21,440
Speaker 1: must not care about getting to work on time, even

261
00:14:21,440 --> 00:14:24,000
Speaker 1: though I might be getting fired. It sounds like one

262
00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:26,880
Speaker 1: more time we could collapse all of this together instead

263
00:14:26,880 --> 00:14:30,320
Speaker 1: of being able to parcel them out saying, hey, you

264
00:14:30,360 --> 00:14:34,840
Speaker 1: know my attention span, my TRST base is not necessarily

265
00:14:34,880 --> 00:14:37,480
Speaker 1: allowing me to go to sleep earlier because our started

266
00:14:37,480 --> 00:14:39,680
Speaker 1: teting in rhythms that can be a little different. That

267
00:14:39,960 --> 00:14:42,120
Speaker 1: can prevent us from getting up all the time or

268
00:14:42,400 --> 00:14:46,200
Speaker 1: having the y of oh, I know that this particular

269
00:14:46,280 --> 00:14:49,120
Speaker 1: job is one that really interests me, I can get

270
00:14:49,160 --> 00:14:50,840
Speaker 1: to work on time. We work on things like that

271
00:14:50,920 --> 00:14:54,360
Speaker 1: with coaching, where it sometimes in therapy and work on

272
00:14:54,680 --> 00:14:58,760
Speaker 1: the parts that are more of the shame piece there

273
00:14:58,920 --> 00:15:01,800
Speaker 1: or any different way as in affects your your brain

274
00:15:01,840 --> 00:15:04,200
Speaker 1: and a lot of psycho education. God, I thank you

275
00:15:04,240 --> 00:15:07,080
Speaker 1: so much for that. So can you talk about the

276
00:15:07,160 --> 00:15:10,200
Speaker 1: idea of masking as it relates to a d h

277
00:15:10,360 --> 00:15:13,400
Speaker 1: D and how that develops for people who are trying

278
00:15:13,440 --> 00:15:17,240
Speaker 1: to manage those symptoms. Yes, what happens with masking is

279
00:15:17,480 --> 00:15:19,880
Speaker 1: that again a lot of times will feel like we

280
00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:22,360
Speaker 1: are not able to keep up. We're not able to

281
00:15:22,360 --> 00:15:25,720
Speaker 1: do some of the things like our coworkers do, and

282
00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:29,200
Speaker 1: what we will do is attempt to be just like

283
00:15:29,280 --> 00:15:32,360
Speaker 1: our other co workers as a safety mechanism to be

284
00:15:32,480 --> 00:15:36,960
Speaker 1: able to function in the workplace, so be on time

285
00:15:37,160 --> 00:15:40,560
Speaker 1: or ask people too, sometimes cover up for some of

286
00:15:40,560 --> 00:15:43,960
Speaker 1: our mistakes that we will not be exactly who we are.

287
00:15:44,720 --> 00:15:46,600
Speaker 1: That's a lot of burden that takes up a lot

288
00:15:46,600 --> 00:15:50,320
Speaker 1: of mental energy, and we with p h D our

289
00:15:50,360 --> 00:15:54,320
Speaker 1: bandwidth can sometimes feel a little lesser, so that then

290
00:15:54,520 --> 00:15:56,800
Speaker 1: leads to it. It can be like a vicious cycle

291
00:15:57,160 --> 00:16:00,560
Speaker 1: where you're using all your bandwith trying to pretend that

292
00:16:00,680 --> 00:16:03,400
Speaker 1: you are something you're not instead of doing the things

293
00:16:03,400 --> 00:16:05,520
Speaker 1: that you know you can do that you're really strong

294
00:16:06,560 --> 00:16:10,960
Speaker 1: you've done. Are feeling bad about yourself again? Mm hmmm yeah.

295
00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:13,080
Speaker 1: And I would imagine and I would love to hear

296
00:16:13,120 --> 00:16:16,320
Speaker 1: your input about this that the masking then leads to

297
00:16:16,360 --> 00:16:20,040
Speaker 1: all these other difficulties. Right, So we've already talked about

298
00:16:20,080 --> 00:16:22,240
Speaker 1: how often and this has been your own experience of

299
00:16:22,280 --> 00:16:25,320
Speaker 1: being diagnosed later in life. So can you talk about

300
00:16:25,360 --> 00:16:27,600
Speaker 1: maybe some of the challenges you've experienced as well as

301
00:16:27,640 --> 00:16:31,320
Speaker 1: any of your clients around like identity and self esteem

302
00:16:31,360 --> 00:16:34,600
Speaker 1: when it comes to being diagnosed later in life. Yes,

303
00:16:35,040 --> 00:16:37,880
Speaker 1: I was diagnosed later in life and I had no

304
00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:41,200
Speaker 1: idea and it's really interesting being a therapist. I know

305
00:16:41,240 --> 00:16:43,320
Speaker 1: when I went to school, you know, we didn't get

306
00:16:43,400 --> 00:16:45,160
Speaker 1: much on a d h D. It was a baby

307
00:16:45,320 --> 00:16:48,080
Speaker 1: that atre too, and they realized that it was a

308
00:16:48,120 --> 00:16:50,640
Speaker 1: condition that was more for children. It didn't occur to

309
00:16:50,680 --> 00:16:53,880
Speaker 1: me that I had it. And many of my clients

310
00:16:53,960 --> 00:16:56,640
Speaker 1: coming they they think they may have something. They know

311
00:16:56,760 --> 00:16:59,440
Speaker 1: that they are really running behind. They feel like they're

312
00:16:59,440 --> 00:17:02,240
Speaker 1: are just at their with end. They can't keep up,

313
00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:05,560
Speaker 1: and they wanted me that they can do to finally

314
00:17:05,600 --> 00:17:08,639
Speaker 1: be successful. For myself, I had to set I have

315
00:17:08,720 --> 00:17:13,800
Speaker 1: successful practice. I had child relationship. But I was like

316
00:17:13,880 --> 00:17:16,879
Speaker 1: on a hamster wheel that was killing me. I was

317
00:17:16,960 --> 00:17:20,480
Speaker 1: run around doing everything for everyone, feeling a lot of

318
00:17:20,480 --> 00:17:25,800
Speaker 1: the way responsibly from my clients, my family, and it

319
00:17:25,880 --> 00:17:28,919
Speaker 1: was killing me. Quite frankly. That strong woman thing that

320
00:17:28,960 --> 00:17:31,120
Speaker 1: I was carrying and that was part of my dh

321
00:17:31,200 --> 00:17:34,879
Speaker 1: D was killing me. Once I was able to know

322
00:17:35,000 --> 00:17:36,480
Speaker 1: that I had a d h D, and I was

323
00:17:36,520 --> 00:17:38,560
Speaker 1: able to figure out that I didn't even know that,

324
00:17:38,960 --> 00:17:42,280
Speaker 1: you know, I would collapse things like that, that if

325
00:17:42,320 --> 00:17:45,359
Speaker 1: I did things for people, then maybe I would not

326
00:17:45,560 --> 00:17:48,719
Speaker 1: feel so behind. Once I was able to figure out

327
00:17:48,760 --> 00:17:51,480
Speaker 1: how to get off at hamster wheel and be with

328
00:17:51,840 --> 00:17:55,720
Speaker 1: who I am and have a little self compassion for

329
00:17:55,760 --> 00:17:58,120
Speaker 1: myself and then sure up the things that I need

330
00:17:58,119 --> 00:17:59,399
Speaker 1: to be able to shore up. You know what I

331
00:17:59,480 --> 00:18:02,600
Speaker 1: need to to show up on time and you be

332
00:18:02,640 --> 00:18:04,920
Speaker 1: able to organize and do these things. Once I was

333
00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:08,359
Speaker 1: able to do that and not have any shame around it,

334
00:18:08,800 --> 00:18:11,480
Speaker 1: it was able to blossom and really deal into it,

335
00:18:11,760 --> 00:18:14,200
Speaker 1: delve it to my strength, and actually my practice is

336
00:18:14,320 --> 00:18:17,760
Speaker 1: grown and eventually I have a coaching practice. Do you

337
00:18:17,800 --> 00:18:22,439
Speaker 1: feel like your lady diagnosis incherschet has given you additional perspective?

338
00:18:22,440 --> 00:18:25,280
Speaker 1: And tools that you're then able to pass off to

339
00:18:25,359 --> 00:18:30,480
Speaker 1: your coaching clients. Yes, absolutely, because having to have work

340
00:18:30,520 --> 00:18:33,919
Speaker 1: around all of my life it allowed me to be

341
00:18:33,920 --> 00:18:37,240
Speaker 1: able to have a kind of grit and strength that

342
00:18:37,280 --> 00:18:39,840
Speaker 1: has allowed me to I can pass on to my clients.

343
00:18:40,240 --> 00:18:43,520
Speaker 1: I also hold space for them, letting them know that

344
00:18:43,760 --> 00:18:45,520
Speaker 1: I can see the strength that they have even when

345
00:18:45,520 --> 00:18:47,760
Speaker 1: they can't see it to begin with. And what you

346
00:18:47,800 --> 00:18:49,920
Speaker 1: need to do when you really looking at your h

347
00:18:50,040 --> 00:18:52,520
Speaker 1: D is to get educated and you know what a

348
00:18:52,560 --> 00:18:54,560
Speaker 1: d h D is and how it affects you. And

349
00:18:54,680 --> 00:18:58,680
Speaker 1: because it's consistently inconsistent, it's different for everybody, a little

350
00:18:58,720 --> 00:19:01,280
Speaker 1: different for each person. But when you can figure out

351
00:19:01,359 --> 00:19:05,000
Speaker 1: how your d D affects you is when you can

352
00:19:05,080 --> 00:19:08,000
Speaker 1: then use the strength part of your a d h

353
00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:11,400
Speaker 1: D to be effective. And I've been able to learn

354
00:19:11,480 --> 00:19:15,280
Speaker 1: that through the years having this late stage diagnosis, and

355
00:19:15,480 --> 00:19:18,879
Speaker 1: to also let people know that they too can be

356
00:19:18,920 --> 00:19:21,160
Speaker 1: successful with a d h D. It is not a

357
00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:23,480
Speaker 1: death sentence, as a lot of people feel when they

358
00:19:23,800 --> 00:19:26,560
Speaker 1: have that diagnosis that they're not going to be able

359
00:19:26,560 --> 00:19:31,320
Speaker 1: to be successful. It's one of the most manageable mental

360
00:19:31,359 --> 00:19:34,000
Speaker 1: health conditions there are out there. You're able to have

361
00:19:34,080 --> 00:19:37,440
Speaker 1: a really wonderful, successful life. Can give us a little

362
00:19:37,440 --> 00:19:39,800
Speaker 1: bit of an example of what it's life for you

363
00:19:39,880 --> 00:19:42,600
Speaker 1: to work with a client. So let's say you have

364
00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:45,320
Speaker 1: a new coaching client who has been recently diagnosed with

365
00:19:45,680 --> 00:19:47,800
Speaker 1: h D. What are maybe some of the first things

366
00:19:47,800 --> 00:19:49,720
Speaker 1: that you do with them. One of the first things

367
00:19:49,800 --> 00:19:52,800
Speaker 1: I do with them, uh, normal life, the conditions, and

368
00:19:52,840 --> 00:19:56,640
Speaker 1: I just say it's it's okay here here, and we're

369
00:19:56,720 --> 00:19:59,639
Speaker 1: going to help you to be successful. So many people

370
00:19:59,760 --> 00:20:03,320
Speaker 1: they just feel like they are alone and it's actually

371
00:20:03,560 --> 00:20:06,880
Speaker 1: it saddens me when they come in there. They feel awkward.

372
00:20:07,359 --> 00:20:11,200
Speaker 1: So I can normalize the condition, give them some education,

373
00:20:11,720 --> 00:20:15,120
Speaker 1: and then we begin to work on what would be

374
00:20:15,320 --> 00:20:18,560
Speaker 1: a way that they could be successful. What are the

375
00:20:18,640 --> 00:20:21,919
Speaker 1: things that they have interested in, what are the things

376
00:20:22,000 --> 00:20:26,400
Speaker 1: that light them up, the ways that they are creative,

377
00:20:26,520 --> 00:20:29,760
Speaker 1: the ways they've already had worked around that work for them.

378
00:20:30,119 --> 00:20:32,400
Speaker 1: Many times with a d h D, we weren't able

379
00:20:32,480 --> 00:20:34,920
Speaker 1: to look back and tether the way that we were

380
00:20:34,960 --> 00:20:37,679
Speaker 1: able to be things. When you can look back and

381
00:20:37,720 --> 00:20:40,359
Speaker 1: reflect on that and then bring that to the future,

382
00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:44,520
Speaker 1: that's always very helpful because many times with a h

383
00:20:44,640 --> 00:20:47,639
Speaker 1: D in the way that our interested attention stands are.

384
00:20:47,720 --> 00:20:51,360
Speaker 1: We don't look at how we're successful and how we're

385
00:20:51,400 --> 00:20:54,920
Speaker 1: able to then use that in other realms to be successful.

386
00:20:55,600 --> 00:20:58,760
Speaker 1: When we can tell those two things together, it's really

387
00:20:58,800 --> 00:21:02,440
Speaker 1: it's really helpful. Usually it's the most wonderful thing when

388
00:21:02,800 --> 00:21:05,400
Speaker 1: the client can get to AH be able to tell

389
00:21:05,440 --> 00:21:07,679
Speaker 1: her those things together and realize that they can be

390
00:21:07,760 --> 00:21:10,840
Speaker 1: successful in life because they can see the different ways

391
00:21:10,840 --> 00:21:14,000
Speaker 1: they'd be successful and say, oh, I can take this

392
00:21:14,160 --> 00:21:16,520
Speaker 1: over to here, or I can take this service is there.

393
00:21:16,520 --> 00:21:21,240
Speaker 1: They can be who they actually are. Community is also

394
00:21:21,320 --> 00:21:24,480
Speaker 1: really important because when you're always just feeling like it's

395
00:21:24,520 --> 00:21:27,119
Speaker 1: just you, when you're in a room in a space

396
00:21:27,200 --> 00:21:29,320
Speaker 1: with other people that have a d h D that

397
00:21:29,600 --> 00:21:32,359
Speaker 1: sometimes talk over each other or sometimes for God to

398
00:21:32,359 --> 00:21:34,919
Speaker 1: be organized or their dinner got on the table at

399
00:21:34,960 --> 00:21:37,400
Speaker 1: ten thirty, you feel like you're not the only person

400
00:21:37,480 --> 00:21:39,320
Speaker 1: out there that has these things. And that's where the

401
00:21:39,320 --> 00:21:42,000
Speaker 1: healing begins. And I think that that is what's most important.

402
00:21:42,680 --> 00:21:45,800
Speaker 1: And I'm curious, how are people finding you? Are you

403
00:21:45,920 --> 00:21:49,480
Speaker 1: kind of getting referrals from like the psychiatrists, are the

404
00:21:49,520 --> 00:21:52,760
Speaker 1: other practitioners who are doing the evaluations, Like how do

405
00:21:52,800 --> 00:21:56,760
Speaker 1: people most likely find you simple find me through directories.

406
00:21:57,040 --> 00:21:59,240
Speaker 1: I've been doing a lot of speaking lately. I've spoke

407
00:21:59,280 --> 00:22:02,479
Speaker 1: at the International A NHD conference last year, and a

408
00:22:02,480 --> 00:22:04,880
Speaker 1: lot of word of mouth, a lot of word of mouth.

409
00:22:05,040 --> 00:22:07,760
Speaker 1: You'd be surprised how many people don't know they have

410
00:22:07,880 --> 00:22:10,040
Speaker 1: a d h D. But when they find out, they

411
00:22:10,040 --> 00:22:12,640
Speaker 1: will be like, oh, here is a black woman said

412
00:22:12,760 --> 00:22:16,200
Speaker 1: doing coaching. Because we're not so easy to find. Sometimes

413
00:22:16,200 --> 00:22:20,000
Speaker 1: we were working in silos. We're trying to come together more.

414
00:22:20,200 --> 00:22:23,760
Speaker 1: We're actually starting a national Association for Black A h

415
00:22:23,880 --> 00:22:26,840
Speaker 1: D coaches so that we can be together, we can

416
00:22:26,880 --> 00:22:29,120
Speaker 1: fell ship together. We could have a directory, we could

417
00:22:29,119 --> 00:22:31,480
Speaker 1: have a way that people can find us in one

418
00:22:31,560 --> 00:22:34,680
Speaker 1: space instead of having to kind of look all over

419
00:22:34,720 --> 00:22:36,879
Speaker 1: the place for us. Got it. I'm glad that you

420
00:22:36,960 --> 00:22:39,359
Speaker 1: started there. It sounds like it's going to be super

421
00:22:39,400 --> 00:22:43,040
Speaker 1: helpful for people. Yes, we're very excited, very excited about

422
00:22:43,040 --> 00:22:46,119
Speaker 1: getting it started because I know that even as a

423
00:22:46,200 --> 00:22:49,200
Speaker 1: coach myself, trying to find a coach for my son

424
00:22:49,600 --> 00:22:51,960
Speaker 1: has not been easy, has not been easy to find,

425
00:22:51,960 --> 00:22:54,359
Speaker 1: like a blackmail coach, And that's really part of what

426
00:22:54,560 --> 00:22:57,320
Speaker 1: spurred the song. Also, when I have been to the

427
00:22:57,480 --> 00:22:59,239
Speaker 1: a d h D conference, is not seeing a lot

428
00:22:59,320 --> 00:23:02,040
Speaker 1: of black coach is and I know that we're out here,

429
00:23:02,840 --> 00:23:06,480
Speaker 1: so this way we too can be together and hopefully

430
00:23:06,480 --> 00:23:09,520
Speaker 1: provide like needs and some like BIPOP trainings and things

431
00:23:09,560 --> 00:23:13,920
Speaker 1: like that. Mm hmm. So I would imagine, like most things,

432
00:23:13,960 --> 00:23:16,840
Speaker 1: the pandemic has shifted your work and what the world

433
00:23:16,880 --> 00:23:20,480
Speaker 1: looks like for your clients. How have you had to

434
00:23:20,560 --> 00:23:22,880
Speaker 1: kind of adapt in your work with clients and how

435
00:23:22,880 --> 00:23:26,960
Speaker 1: are you working with them to create new strategies, new routines,

436
00:23:27,200 --> 00:23:30,080
Speaker 1: you know, kind of in line with everything that's going on. Yes,

437
00:23:30,160 --> 00:23:32,760
Speaker 1: the pandemic has affected all of us, but all in

438
00:23:32,800 --> 00:23:37,640
Speaker 1: different ways. Many times having a d h D it's

439
00:23:37,680 --> 00:23:42,040
Speaker 1: already difficult. Some people have really you know, enjoyed not

440
00:23:42,119 --> 00:23:45,040
Speaker 1: necessarily having to go out and be amongst the people,

441
00:23:45,720 --> 00:23:47,919
Speaker 1: taking a chance to kind of like sit down and

442
00:23:48,040 --> 00:23:49,879
Speaker 1: deal with some of the things that are happening with

443
00:23:49,920 --> 00:23:52,040
Speaker 1: the n h D and it's slowed down a bit

444
00:23:52,080 --> 00:23:54,919
Speaker 1: and that's actually been great for them. I also have

445
00:23:55,080 --> 00:23:59,399
Speaker 1: clients that have then had to figure out shifting, you know,

446
00:23:59,520 --> 00:24:02,480
Speaker 1: with children at home and being able to do their work,

447
00:24:02,640 --> 00:24:05,760
Speaker 1: not having the structures that they may have had being

448
00:24:05,800 --> 00:24:09,080
Speaker 1: able to not have that work environment of people together,

449
00:24:09,560 --> 00:24:13,600
Speaker 1: because that work environment of having people together also helps

450
00:24:13,680 --> 00:24:16,440
Speaker 1: to spur getting your work done. So you know, we've

451
00:24:16,480 --> 00:24:20,040
Speaker 1: had to do different things like provide like coworking spaces

452
00:24:20,080 --> 00:24:22,880
Speaker 1: over Zoom provided for people to be able to come

453
00:24:22,920 --> 00:24:25,240
Speaker 1: together and have that kind of commune space to work.

454
00:24:25,720 --> 00:24:28,760
Speaker 1: I've also been able to just discuss the fact that

455
00:24:28,800 --> 00:24:32,080
Speaker 1: it is a pandemic and all these things have been different.

456
00:24:32,240 --> 00:24:34,720
Speaker 1: You're going to have to figure out just different strategies

457
00:24:35,040 --> 00:24:39,080
Speaker 1: to be able to be as productive, like and bringing

458
00:24:39,080 --> 00:24:42,240
Speaker 1: your sometimes even bringing your children in and be explaining

459
00:24:42,280 --> 00:24:45,400
Speaker 1: to your bosses that this is what's actually happening here,

460
00:24:45,560 --> 00:24:48,280
Speaker 1: like this is what's happening here for us, and this

461
00:24:48,320 --> 00:24:50,000
Speaker 1: is just the ways that we're going to have to

462
00:24:50,040 --> 00:24:53,000
Speaker 1: have work arounds around it. Yeah, and speaking of children,

463
00:24:53,160 --> 00:24:56,399
Speaker 1: I wonder if you can give some suggestions for people

464
00:24:56,480 --> 00:24:59,399
Speaker 1: who may be similar to you right who find themselves

465
00:24:59,520 --> 00:25:01,960
Speaker 1: as a pay parent with a d h D also

466
00:25:02,040 --> 00:25:04,720
Speaker 1: parenting a chowel with a d h D. Are there

467
00:25:04,720 --> 00:25:07,280
Speaker 1: some things that you would share with them? Yes? Absolutely.

468
00:25:07,280 --> 00:25:10,879
Speaker 1: First off, yes, it was a difficult thing and I understand.

469
00:25:10,960 --> 00:25:13,879
Speaker 1: I feel you because when you yourself have n h D.

470
00:25:13,960 --> 00:25:16,720
Speaker 1: As the parents, you are trying to do all the

471
00:25:16,800 --> 00:25:20,120
Speaker 1: things you can for your child, and you also see

472
00:25:20,480 --> 00:25:23,280
Speaker 1: all the things that you know might concern you about

473
00:25:23,280 --> 00:25:26,560
Speaker 1: yourself and your child too, and that can lead to

474
00:25:26,920 --> 00:25:30,920
Speaker 1: sometimes just a little bit of confrontation. But there are

475
00:25:30,920 --> 00:25:33,840
Speaker 1: different ways you have to parent your child. Then maybe

476
00:25:33,880 --> 00:25:37,440
Speaker 1: we are used to parenting that other people might see

477
00:25:37,440 --> 00:25:40,240
Speaker 1: and they might not understand. To really be able to

478
00:25:40,359 --> 00:25:44,040
Speaker 1: drill into the different ways of parenting, CHAD is an

479
00:25:44,080 --> 00:25:46,840
Speaker 1: association that does a lot of parent training. I am

480
00:25:46,880 --> 00:25:50,760
Speaker 1: on the board of Philadelphia CHAD, the Executive Planning Committee

481
00:25:51,480 --> 00:25:55,000
Speaker 1: where they give you different strategies. Actually they have a

482
00:25:55,119 --> 00:25:58,880
Speaker 1: free training right now that they're putting out for parents

483
00:25:59,160 --> 00:26:02,760
Speaker 1: because there are many different ways that you should be

484
00:26:02,800 --> 00:26:06,760
Speaker 1: able to give your children, like a reward system. But

485
00:26:06,800 --> 00:26:09,840
Speaker 1: you know also given their consequent cleanses, the children of

486
00:26:10,000 --> 00:26:13,600
Speaker 1: a d h D, they get like twelve thousand more

487
00:26:13,640 --> 00:26:16,760
Speaker 1: negative responses than positive responses, like I think it's about

488
00:26:16,800 --> 00:26:19,439
Speaker 1: it's done. Their aged ten. So to be able to

489
00:26:19,560 --> 00:26:25,399
Speaker 1: learn how to use the different reward systems, then you

490
00:26:25,440 --> 00:26:28,040
Speaker 1: know you would normally have good way to actually normalize

491
00:26:28,040 --> 00:26:30,800
Speaker 1: even for your child that this is not a bereal condition,

492
00:26:31,400 --> 00:26:34,320
Speaker 1: that this is a brain based condition. And I think

493
00:26:34,320 --> 00:26:36,919
Speaker 1: that that's really important because many people will see a

494
00:26:37,000 --> 00:26:41,640
Speaker 1: child that has impulsivity as a child that they call bad,

495
00:26:41,680 --> 00:26:45,119
Speaker 1: where it's really it's their brain. It's a brain based condition.

496
00:26:45,480 --> 00:26:47,720
Speaker 1: And allowing that to play out and to be able

497
00:26:47,800 --> 00:26:51,160
Speaker 1: to deal with your child on that level versus many

498
00:26:51,160 --> 00:26:54,800
Speaker 1: schools she's disciplined, which is not really effective for children

499
00:26:54,800 --> 00:26:58,480
Speaker 1: with right because it's not a discipline issue. No, not

500
00:26:58,600 --> 00:27:01,640
Speaker 1: at all. Yeah. Yeah, One. Are some of your other

501
00:27:01,720 --> 00:27:05,360
Speaker 1: favorite resources English, things that you think that have been

502
00:27:05,359 --> 00:27:07,600
Speaker 1: helpful for your clients, as well as things that you

503
00:27:07,680 --> 00:27:10,080
Speaker 1: kind of find yourself referring to over and over again.

504
00:27:10,520 --> 00:27:13,800
Speaker 1: I actually I listen to a lot of different podcasts.

505
00:27:13,840 --> 00:27:16,280
Speaker 1: Translating a d h D is one of my favorites.

506
00:27:17,200 --> 00:27:20,800
Speaker 1: One of my good friends Renee Brooks, she has a blog,

507
00:27:21,480 --> 00:27:25,880
Speaker 1: Black Girl off Keys, that's very helpful. I have a

508
00:27:25,880 --> 00:27:29,240
Speaker 1: Facebook group that I provide community for it called Black

509
00:27:29,280 --> 00:27:33,520
Speaker 1: Women with a d h D Executives and Entrepreneurs, And

510
00:27:33,640 --> 00:27:36,680
Speaker 1: in there we have a fellowship and we work on

511
00:27:36,840 --> 00:27:41,199
Speaker 1: goals and we'll have coworking sessions in there. I'm looking

512
00:27:41,280 --> 00:27:45,240
Speaker 1: at putting out a book, like a workbook for black women.

513
00:27:45,800 --> 00:27:48,240
Speaker 1: So we're just trying to build different resources to be

514
00:27:48,320 --> 00:27:53,680
Speaker 1: able to meet and have community and give coaching to

515
00:27:53,960 --> 00:27:57,439
Speaker 1: people who might not be able to afford coaching. So

516
00:27:57,600 --> 00:28:00,480
Speaker 1: that's also part of having the national line of Black

517
00:28:00,520 --> 00:28:02,119
Speaker 1: A d h D coaches want to be able to

518
00:28:02,119 --> 00:28:04,400
Speaker 1: have a portion where we're able to make sure that

519
00:28:04,680 --> 00:28:07,639
Speaker 1: everyone can get any of the help that they need.

520
00:28:08,480 --> 00:28:12,960
Speaker 1: We are also finding that sometimes coaching can be easier

521
00:28:13,119 --> 00:28:17,280
Speaker 1: entry points and therapy for people. It's coaching, you know,

522
00:28:17,480 --> 00:28:21,000
Speaker 1: is a partnership model where sometimes we just explain that

523
00:28:21,040 --> 00:28:23,480
Speaker 1: you have everything inside of you to really be successful,

524
00:28:23,960 --> 00:28:26,959
Speaker 1: and then we can partner in a way that really

525
00:28:27,040 --> 00:28:29,680
Speaker 1: works for the client. You know, some people just are

526
00:28:29,720 --> 00:28:33,200
Speaker 1: so advertse to therapy that you know, you can start

527
00:28:33,200 --> 00:28:35,280
Speaker 1: with coaching and if you find that there needs to

528
00:28:35,280 --> 00:28:38,880
Speaker 1: be therapy intervention, then we can refer. So we're just

529
00:28:39,040 --> 00:28:41,640
Speaker 1: very excited and just have a different entry points in

530
00:28:41,640 --> 00:28:44,200
Speaker 1: different ways for people to get any of the help

531
00:28:44,240 --> 00:28:47,160
Speaker 1: that they need. Typically, like how long is someone working

532
00:28:47,160 --> 00:28:49,160
Speaker 1: with a coach for the A d h D. You know,

533
00:28:49,400 --> 00:28:53,240
Speaker 1: it does depend, it does very wildly. Some people work

534
00:28:53,240 --> 00:28:55,160
Speaker 1: with their coaches for years and now I've been working

535
00:28:55,160 --> 00:28:57,800
Speaker 1: with my coach for years. I started out with a

536
00:28:57,880 --> 00:29:01,240
Speaker 1: three month engagement because change takes a little bit of time.

537
00:29:01,600 --> 00:29:04,320
Speaker 1: But I do have clients that I've had for a

538
00:29:04,400 --> 00:29:07,000
Speaker 1: few years, and I had some clients that I've had

539
00:29:07,200 --> 00:29:09,840
Speaker 1: for six or eight months. So it really does depend

540
00:29:09,920 --> 00:29:12,600
Speaker 1: on you know what your goal is and what it

541
00:29:12,640 --> 00:29:14,640
Speaker 1: is that you would like to achieve, and you know

542
00:29:14,680 --> 00:29:16,560
Speaker 1: when you feel that you are ready to just move

543
00:29:16,560 --> 00:29:19,800
Speaker 1: on and have a successful life. Obviously have people that

544
00:29:19,880 --> 00:29:21,720
Speaker 1: come and they do check ins. A lot of people

545
00:29:21,720 --> 00:29:23,920
Speaker 1: will come and do check in a couple of times

546
00:29:23,920 --> 00:29:26,160
Speaker 1: a year, so you know, it just really depends on

547
00:29:26,280 --> 00:29:29,320
Speaker 1: how you can achieve your goal. Got it, and please

548
00:29:29,320 --> 00:29:31,400
Speaker 1: tell us where we can find you, engershe what is

549
00:29:31,440 --> 00:29:34,280
Speaker 1: your website as well as any social media channels that

550
00:29:34,360 --> 00:29:37,880
Speaker 1: you'd like to share. My website is inger Schet dot com,

551
00:29:38,760 --> 00:29:42,240
Speaker 1: um at inger Schet on Twitter, and I'm at inger

552
00:29:42,240 --> 00:29:46,160
Speaker 1: Sha on Instagram. I have the Facebook group black Women

553
00:29:46,480 --> 00:29:49,720
Speaker 1: with a d h D Executive Entrepreneurs. That's a private group,

554
00:29:50,080 --> 00:29:53,280
Speaker 1: and my my page on Facebook is black Women is

555
00:29:53,360 --> 00:29:55,720
Speaker 1: a d h D Perfect. We will be sure to

556
00:29:55,760 --> 00:29:57,640
Speaker 1: include all of that in the show notes. Thank you

557
00:29:57,680 --> 00:30:00,560
Speaker 1: so much for sharing your expressions with us today. Thank

558
00:30:00,560 --> 00:30:03,000
Speaker 1: you so much for having me today. After the break,

559
00:30:03,200 --> 00:30:06,440
Speaker 1: we'll hear from Renee about her experiences being diagnosed with

560
00:30:06,520 --> 00:30:18,200
Speaker 1: a d h D later in life. Thank you so

561
00:30:18,280 --> 00:30:21,000
Speaker 1: much for joining us today, Renee, Oh, thank you for

562
00:30:21,040 --> 00:30:23,640
Speaker 1: having me. Dr Joy. This is a real treat for me.

563
00:30:23,880 --> 00:30:26,280
Speaker 1: I've been looking forward to getting a chance to sit

564
00:30:26,320 --> 00:30:28,760
Speaker 1: down and talk to you. I love the show. Thank you.

565
00:30:28,840 --> 00:30:30,920
Speaker 1: I'm very excited to have you here to share more

566
00:30:31,000 --> 00:30:34,120
Speaker 1: about your experiences. So I know that something that is

567
00:30:34,160 --> 00:30:37,040
Speaker 1: common is that black women are often diagnosed with a

568
00:30:37,160 --> 00:30:39,680
Speaker 1: d h D much later in life, and I know that,

569
00:30:39,760 --> 00:30:42,000
Speaker 1: of course, is a part of your experience. I'd love

570
00:30:42,040 --> 00:30:44,520
Speaker 1: to hear you just talk a little bit about how

571
00:30:44,720 --> 00:30:48,000
Speaker 1: you started Black Girl Lost Keys and what made you

572
00:30:48,040 --> 00:30:52,000
Speaker 1: want to start it. Absolutely so. When I was seven

573
00:30:52,320 --> 00:30:56,040
Speaker 1: or eight years old, they suggested to my mother that

574
00:30:56,120 --> 00:30:57,800
Speaker 1: I had a d h D. For the first time.

575
00:30:57,840 --> 00:31:02,000
Speaker 1: I actually tested me without her permission, and she was

576
00:31:02,280 --> 00:31:05,320
Speaker 1: not down for that. Told them they absolutely weren't going

577
00:31:05,400 --> 00:31:07,720
Speaker 1: to have a chance to drug up her kid, and

578
00:31:08,120 --> 00:31:10,480
Speaker 1: they dropped the subject. And then they did it again

579
00:31:10,520 --> 00:31:12,360
Speaker 1: when I was eleven, So by the time I got

580
00:31:12,400 --> 00:31:16,320
Speaker 1: to I had no idea all of this was going on.

581
00:31:17,160 --> 00:31:20,960
Speaker 1: And I was on medically from work for a really

582
00:31:21,240 --> 00:31:24,640
Speaker 1: nasty depression that I was in and I just so

583
00:31:24,760 --> 00:31:28,280
Speaker 1: happened to mention it in passing to my therapist and

584
00:31:28,400 --> 00:31:30,720
Speaker 1: she sent me to get evaluated. I found out I

585
00:31:30,760 --> 00:31:33,920
Speaker 1: had a d h D, and then I started looking

586
00:31:34,000 --> 00:31:38,160
Speaker 1: to see what the black experience was and there was nothing,

587
00:31:38,520 --> 00:31:41,440
Speaker 1: so that was frustrating. I took a couple of years

588
00:31:41,480 --> 00:31:45,720
Speaker 1: to kind of learn more about the condition and get

589
00:31:45,760 --> 00:31:48,320
Speaker 1: down what it was that I would need and what

590
00:31:48,440 --> 00:31:52,240
Speaker 1: could help me. And as I kind of got the

591
00:31:52,280 --> 00:31:54,600
Speaker 1: feel for it, I went back and said, well, let

592
00:31:54,640 --> 00:31:56,920
Speaker 1: me try again. Maybe it's been a few years, maybe

593
00:31:56,920 --> 00:32:01,160
Speaker 1: there's something. And there was still nothing more years after

594
00:32:01,240 --> 00:32:05,400
Speaker 1: my diagnosis in and so I said, well, if I'm

595
00:32:05,480 --> 00:32:09,200
Speaker 1: hunting for it this hard, even after all of this time,

596
00:32:09,800 --> 00:32:13,040
Speaker 1: somebody needs to create the resource. I've always been a writer,

597
00:32:13,480 --> 00:32:16,480
Speaker 1: so that somebody seemed like it might as well be me.

598
00:32:16,880 --> 00:32:19,720
Speaker 1: And here we are, right, Isn't that how a lot

599
00:32:19,800 --> 00:32:22,400
Speaker 1: of meaningful things happened? Right? Like we are looking for

600
00:32:22,520 --> 00:32:25,720
Speaker 1: something ourselves. I mean, it's very similar to my origins

601
00:32:25,800 --> 00:32:27,720
Speaker 1: or for therapy for black girls, right, like yeah, and

602
00:32:27,960 --> 00:32:30,280
Speaker 1: it's like, oh, this thing doesn't exist. I guess it

603
00:32:30,320 --> 00:32:33,600
Speaker 1: has to be me to kind of started. That's it,

604
00:32:33,920 --> 00:32:36,680
Speaker 1: like we become the resource that we wish we had.

605
00:32:36,760 --> 00:32:40,720
Speaker 1: And you know, I think the biggest part of the

606
00:32:40,840 --> 00:32:44,680
Speaker 1: journey for me was the isolation because you're you're fighting

607
00:32:44,720 --> 00:32:48,240
Speaker 1: against the community and their their mistrust of the d

608
00:32:48,480 --> 00:32:51,880
Speaker 1: h D diagnosis in the first place, so you can't

609
00:32:51,920 --> 00:32:53,760
Speaker 1: really talk to them about the a d h D.

610
00:32:54,040 --> 00:32:55,920
Speaker 1: And then you get into a lot of these neurow

611
00:32:55,960 --> 00:33:00,880
Speaker 1: divergent spaces and they're not trying to hear anything of blackness.

612
00:33:00,880 --> 00:33:03,480
Speaker 1: It's like, oh, well, we all have the same issue

613
00:33:04,000 --> 00:33:06,680
Speaker 1: and race isn't an issue. And it's always funny how

614
00:33:06,720 --> 00:33:09,720
Speaker 1: people who don't have any racial issues want to tell

615
00:33:09,760 --> 00:33:13,440
Speaker 1: you whether race is an issue. We're not, right. So

616
00:33:14,360 --> 00:33:18,080
Speaker 1: I wanted to make sure that nobody felt as lonely

617
00:33:18,120 --> 00:33:21,240
Speaker 1: as I felt, because it's already enough just to take

618
00:33:21,320 --> 00:33:25,480
Speaker 1: in the fact that it almost feels like your whole life,

619
00:33:25,960 --> 00:33:29,360
Speaker 1: you thought that you were one way and you find

620
00:33:29,360 --> 00:33:32,600
Speaker 1: out that you were really another, and so you have

621
00:33:32,680 --> 00:33:35,800
Speaker 1: to relearn your identity, and then you've got these other

622
00:33:35,880 --> 00:33:40,120
Speaker 1: identities within your identity. So this whole journey and it's

623
00:33:40,160 --> 00:33:43,080
Speaker 1: not really a journey that's fun to take by yourself.

624
00:33:43,480 --> 00:33:46,560
Speaker 1: M I'd love to hear you say more about that

625
00:33:46,600 --> 00:33:49,720
Speaker 1: RENEE like the distrust and the lack of Black experiences

626
00:33:49,720 --> 00:33:54,640
Speaker 1: in the neural diverse spaces. So neural diverse spaces are

627
00:33:54,880 --> 00:33:59,320
Speaker 1: very male and very white. Usually a lot of the

628
00:33:59,360 --> 00:34:03,200
Speaker 1: research was performed to discover more about these conditions as

629
00:34:03,480 --> 00:34:06,680
Speaker 1: very white, male centered, as it is for so many

630
00:34:06,720 --> 00:34:10,279
Speaker 1: other things. And then you combine that with the fact

631
00:34:10,320 --> 00:34:13,799
Speaker 1: that the frontline treatment for a d h D is

632
00:34:13,960 --> 00:34:19,080
Speaker 1: stimulant medication, and you take that to our community, you

633
00:34:19,120 --> 00:34:23,000
Speaker 1: find that little black boys are more often diagnosed with

634
00:34:23,080 --> 00:34:25,560
Speaker 1: a d h D, and it starts to look like,

635
00:34:26,280 --> 00:34:29,320
Speaker 1: why are they trying to jam these stimulants into our kids?

636
00:34:30,160 --> 00:34:33,600
Speaker 1: And unfortunately, as you know, I don't have to tell you,

637
00:34:34,480 --> 00:34:38,760
Speaker 1: trauma and a d h D can look very similar,

638
00:34:39,239 --> 00:34:41,719
Speaker 1: and sometimes people don't know to look for the difference.

639
00:34:41,920 --> 00:34:44,520
Speaker 1: Is the child traumatized, does the child have a d

640
00:34:44,719 --> 00:34:47,600
Speaker 1: h D or is it both? Because it can be right.

641
00:34:48,000 --> 00:34:53,120
Speaker 1: So there's this lack of understanding what the condition is.

642
00:34:53,280 --> 00:34:57,920
Speaker 1: There's this lack of communication about whether or not medication

643
00:34:58,040 --> 00:35:03,200
Speaker 1: is appropriate. There's all these issues that are usually issues

644
00:35:03,360 --> 00:35:07,680
Speaker 1: for the community anyway, and then you dumped this diagnosis

645
00:35:07,680 --> 00:35:10,320
Speaker 1: that nobody understands on it and it's just fuel to

646
00:35:10,360 --> 00:35:13,080
Speaker 1: the fire. So Renee, I would love to hear about

647
00:35:13,160 --> 00:35:16,680
Speaker 1: that time between the ages of seven and how old

648
00:35:16,719 --> 00:35:21,239
Speaker 1: did you say when you were Yeah, so what's happening then?

649
00:35:21,360 --> 00:35:23,920
Speaker 1: Like how were you managing and how was a D

650
00:35:24,400 --> 00:35:26,960
Speaker 1: showing up in your life? A d h D was

651
00:35:27,120 --> 00:35:29,719
Speaker 1: all over my life, Like when I look back, I

652
00:35:29,760 --> 00:35:32,840
Speaker 1: can say, Oh, that's the reason the car was always

653
00:35:32,840 --> 00:35:36,280
Speaker 1: getting told that's why I was always overdrawing my checking

654
00:35:36,320 --> 00:35:40,000
Speaker 1: account like I was a bad dr joy. One time

655
00:35:41,000 --> 00:35:44,839
Speaker 1: I actually overdrew my account so badly that it took

656
00:35:44,880 --> 00:35:47,879
Speaker 1: my whole paycheck as a grown woman. It was so embarrassing.

657
00:35:48,560 --> 00:35:54,120
Speaker 1: So I really struggled as a student with organization, with

658
00:35:54,640 --> 00:35:58,640
Speaker 1: social aspect. I had some trouble making friends. That kind

659
00:35:58,640 --> 00:36:01,239
Speaker 1: of lessons as I and through puberty, but a lot

660
00:36:01,320 --> 00:36:06,080
Speaker 1: of children have difficulty making friends. And then there was

661
00:36:06,120 --> 00:36:09,560
Speaker 1: the mess my locker, my desk. I never knew where

662
00:36:09,680 --> 00:36:13,640
Speaker 1: anything was. I was always running into the project at

663
00:36:13,640 --> 00:36:16,480
Speaker 1: the very last minute. And then I got into college

664
00:36:16,520 --> 00:36:19,600
Speaker 1: and it got even worse because you were totally in

665
00:36:19,680 --> 00:36:23,680
Speaker 1: control of your time when you're in higher education. So

666
00:36:23,719 --> 00:36:27,600
Speaker 1: it just progressively got worse until I couldn't even stay

667
00:36:27,600 --> 00:36:29,600
Speaker 1: in school, Like I had to go to my mother

668
00:36:29,680 --> 00:36:33,360
Speaker 1: and tell her the stress it's gonna kill me. I

669
00:36:33,400 --> 00:36:35,560
Speaker 1: don't think this is for me. I need to leave

670
00:36:35,600 --> 00:36:39,160
Speaker 1: this alone. So that was the end of school for me.

671
00:36:39,360 --> 00:36:42,799
Speaker 1: So a d h D took took a lot of

672
00:36:42,920 --> 00:36:46,960
Speaker 1: things from me in that respect. I got them all

673
00:36:46,960 --> 00:36:50,920
Speaker 1: back though. M hmm. Yeah, that's the light at the

674
00:36:51,000 --> 00:36:52,480
Speaker 1: end of the tunnel, right, that you were able to

675
00:36:52,560 --> 00:36:54,799
Speaker 1: kind of figure out what was happening and then be

676
00:36:54,880 --> 00:36:58,600
Speaker 1: able to do something about it. Exactly. I'm so sorry

677
00:36:58,680 --> 00:37:04,560
Speaker 1: that there we go. The therapy dog is back. Yeah,

678
00:37:04,600 --> 00:37:10,359
Speaker 1: really he has something to say today. So something that

679
00:37:10,440 --> 00:37:13,080
Speaker 1: comes up quite often in the d D literature is

680
00:37:13,120 --> 00:37:17,400
Speaker 1: this idea of masking. Are you familiar with that? Absolutely? Yeah.

681
00:37:17,440 --> 00:37:19,760
Speaker 1: So masking is about like all of the different ways

682
00:37:19,800 --> 00:37:22,400
Speaker 1: that you try to perform as if a d h

683
00:37:22,560 --> 00:37:25,759
Speaker 1: D is not like putting your life in shambles, right,

684
00:37:25,840 --> 00:37:28,320
Speaker 1: you develop all of these strategies to kind of present

685
00:37:28,400 --> 00:37:31,120
Speaker 1: as if nothing is going on. I love to hear

686
00:37:31,200 --> 00:37:33,480
Speaker 1: like some of the things that you have learned about

687
00:37:33,480 --> 00:37:37,680
Speaker 1: yourself that we're actually masking behaviors. One of the things

688
00:37:37,680 --> 00:37:40,040
Speaker 1: that I still do it It's a bad habit that

689
00:37:40,080 --> 00:37:43,120
Speaker 1: I'm trying to break, Like, especially now when we're doing

690
00:37:43,200 --> 00:37:46,520
Speaker 1: all these zoom calls, I keep a mirror so I

691
00:37:46,560 --> 00:37:50,680
Speaker 1: can watch my facial expressions, because I feel like my

692
00:37:50,760 --> 00:37:55,000
Speaker 1: facial expressions go all over the place sometimes and then

693
00:37:55,000 --> 00:37:58,160
Speaker 1: to boot I'd never have been able to control them

694
00:37:58,160 --> 00:37:59,799
Speaker 1: in the sense of like if I got to add

695
00:37:59,800 --> 00:38:01,400
Speaker 1: it to you're gonna know it. You're gonna see it

696
00:38:01,440 --> 00:38:04,399
Speaker 1: on my face. So I try to keep an eye

697
00:38:04,400 --> 00:38:06,480
Speaker 1: on those. When I was a kid, you know, you

698
00:38:06,560 --> 00:38:12,040
Speaker 1: find somebody who you can imitate, and then you do that,

699
00:38:12,239 --> 00:38:15,920
Speaker 1: like let me raise or lower my voice based on

700
00:38:15,960 --> 00:38:18,400
Speaker 1: what I'm seeing maybe from the person on the TV

701
00:38:19,000 --> 00:38:22,920
Speaker 1: or from this person who I think is popular. So

702
00:38:23,000 --> 00:38:26,640
Speaker 1: you're you're really kind of parenting. And as you learn

703
00:38:26,800 --> 00:38:30,200
Speaker 1: more about yourself in the context of neural diversity, you

704
00:38:30,320 --> 00:38:34,120
Speaker 1: kind of have to unlearn that. Like it's okay, I

705
00:38:34,160 --> 00:38:37,920
Speaker 1: don't have to hide the fact that my house is

706
00:38:38,320 --> 00:38:40,839
Speaker 1: a bit of a mess. If you're coming over here,

707
00:38:40,960 --> 00:38:42,759
Speaker 1: you know that I have a d h D. I

708
00:38:42,840 --> 00:38:48,080
Speaker 1: have organization issues, and so you're gonna have to just

709
00:38:48,160 --> 00:38:50,319
Speaker 1: work with me here or not come over, because that's

710
00:38:50,320 --> 00:38:54,160
Speaker 1: the option to m So, now that you have been diagnosed,

711
00:38:54,320 --> 00:38:57,120
Speaker 1: besides like the mirror and letting people kind of know,

712
00:38:57,200 --> 00:38:59,000
Speaker 1: are you know the people who already know you know this?

713
00:38:59,120 --> 00:39:01,440
Speaker 1: Are there other things you've been able to do that

714
00:39:01,520 --> 00:39:03,239
Speaker 1: you feel like has been able to kind of help

715
00:39:03,239 --> 00:39:06,720
Speaker 1: you manage some of the symptoms. Definitely, like I've gotten

716
00:39:07,239 --> 00:39:10,279
Speaker 1: and this isn't even masking at this point. This is

717
00:39:10,360 --> 00:39:14,400
Speaker 1: just good housekeeping to keep you in place. For a

718
00:39:14,440 --> 00:39:17,600
Speaker 1: lot of years, I really fought the idea of keeping

719
00:39:18,080 --> 00:39:20,719
Speaker 1: a calendar because it just it didn't appeal to me.

720
00:39:20,840 --> 00:39:24,880
Speaker 1: It seemed almost like corning to me for some reason.

721
00:39:24,920 --> 00:39:27,160
Speaker 1: I don't know why. My brain does whatever it wants,

722
00:39:27,200 --> 00:39:29,560
Speaker 1: but I really felt like, I just don't want to

723
00:39:29,560 --> 00:39:33,600
Speaker 1: do that. That feels very restricting and controlling. I don't

724
00:39:33,600 --> 00:39:35,520
Speaker 1: want to do it. So I had to get into

725
00:39:36,239 --> 00:39:39,600
Speaker 1: using a calendar because I really genuinely thought that I

726
00:39:39,600 --> 00:39:42,680
Speaker 1: would be able to remember dates. And it occurred to

727
00:39:42,719 --> 00:39:45,919
Speaker 1: me years later, like neuerotypical people don't even do that.

728
00:39:46,480 --> 00:39:49,360
Speaker 1: They write stuff down. Why did you think you needed

729
00:39:49,360 --> 00:39:52,879
Speaker 1: to try to remember that, or why did you think

730
00:39:52,960 --> 00:39:55,920
Speaker 1: you needed that that you were ever going to be

731
00:39:56,040 --> 00:40:00,400
Speaker 1: able to when you've clearly got this track record with time.

732
00:40:00,520 --> 00:40:03,480
Speaker 1: And I learned a lot about the value of time

733
00:40:03,600 --> 00:40:07,000
Speaker 1: in general, because, funny enough, my mother has a d

734
00:40:07,200 --> 00:40:09,480
Speaker 1: h D. We found out a year and a half ago.

735
00:40:10,520 --> 00:40:13,640
Speaker 1: So being raised by a person with a d h

736
00:40:13,719 --> 00:40:17,320
Speaker 1: D two, she showed if it wasn't for school or work,

737
00:40:17,640 --> 00:40:20,359
Speaker 1: she showed up whenever she wanted to. And I thought

738
00:40:20,440 --> 00:40:22,839
Speaker 1: that was the way that everybody was because that's how

739
00:40:22,880 --> 00:40:25,360
Speaker 1: I was raised. So I would do it and people

740
00:40:25,360 --> 00:40:29,040
Speaker 1: would get frustrated with me, and I realized, oh, this

741
00:40:29,120 --> 00:40:32,320
Speaker 1: is not how everybody does this. I need to learn

742
00:40:32,760 --> 00:40:37,960
Speaker 1: how to do time. So my life is alarmed because

743
00:40:37,960 --> 00:40:40,920
Speaker 1: I have what they call it time blindness. So I

744
00:40:40,960 --> 00:40:45,319
Speaker 1: have a difficulty with estimating how much time something will take,

745
00:40:45,800 --> 00:40:49,400
Speaker 1: estimating how much time has elapsed, estimating how long it

746
00:40:49,400 --> 00:40:51,920
Speaker 1: will take to get somewhere, which was really a problem

747
00:40:52,239 --> 00:40:54,120
Speaker 1: when you're trying to get to work in the morning

748
00:40:54,400 --> 00:40:56,800
Speaker 1: and you try to explain that to a boss. Even

749
00:40:56,840 --> 00:41:00,320
Speaker 1: after I had my diagnosis, you can try to explain

750
00:41:00,400 --> 00:41:03,520
Speaker 1: to your boss that your disability causes you to not

751
00:41:03,600 --> 00:41:07,160
Speaker 1: be able to get places on time. They don't understand

752
00:41:07,239 --> 00:41:09,879
Speaker 1: and they're not necessarily trying to hear that, even though

753
00:41:09,920 --> 00:41:13,920
Speaker 1: it is something that should be accommodated, right right, More

754
00:41:14,000 --> 00:41:25,279
Speaker 1: from Renee after the break, So, I think that that's

755
00:41:25,320 --> 00:41:28,360
Speaker 1: really interesting, Renee. So your mom also found out about

756
00:41:28,360 --> 00:41:31,600
Speaker 1: her a d h D diagnosis later in life, right,

757
00:41:31,640 --> 00:41:33,960
Speaker 1: So I'd love to hear if you feel comfortable sharing

758
00:41:34,320 --> 00:41:37,200
Speaker 1: like what that conversation was like, both given that she

759
00:41:37,440 --> 00:41:40,520
Speaker 1: was so opposed to you having this testing in any

760
00:41:40,640 --> 00:41:42,359
Speaker 1: kind of treatment. It sounds like when you were much

761
00:41:42,400 --> 00:41:45,759
Speaker 1: younger and then don't know that she also struggled with that.

762
00:41:47,040 --> 00:41:49,880
Speaker 1: Isn't it great because everybody always goes, oh my gosh,

763
00:41:49,920 --> 00:41:53,000
Speaker 1: you convinced your mom, Dr Joey. I did not convince.

764
00:41:53,520 --> 00:41:55,799
Speaker 1: I'm sure that is not what the conversation was like.

765
00:41:56,320 --> 00:41:59,000
Speaker 1: I could be black girl lost keys all day long

766
00:41:59,280 --> 00:42:02,120
Speaker 1: and I couldn't fire a whole bunch of other people,

767
00:42:02,200 --> 00:42:04,279
Speaker 1: But my mom is still my mom, and she's not

768
00:42:04,440 --> 00:42:06,560
Speaker 1: listening to me when I talk about stuff like this.

769
00:42:07,160 --> 00:42:09,520
Speaker 1: She's just like, Okay, all right, I have a d

770
00:42:09,640 --> 00:42:13,480
Speaker 1: h D. Year sure, Renee, So she actually got started

771
00:42:13,560 --> 00:42:18,719
Speaker 1: listening to another podcast about a d h D, and

772
00:42:18,880 --> 00:42:22,200
Speaker 1: she fell in love with the podcast and then started

773
00:42:22,239 --> 00:42:26,880
Speaker 1: to recognize symptoms in herself. And the person who runs

774
00:42:26,960 --> 00:42:31,760
Speaker 1: the podcast, Dr Ri Tuckman, actually practices in our states.

775
00:42:31,800 --> 00:42:33,640
Speaker 1: So I was like, oh, well, if you want to

776
00:42:33,640 --> 00:42:36,680
Speaker 1: go get tested, mom, why don't we just call him up.

777
00:42:36,840 --> 00:42:38,680
Speaker 1: And she was like, oh my god, I can do that.

778
00:42:38,719 --> 00:42:41,040
Speaker 1: And I was like, well, yeah, he's still practices. And

779
00:42:41,080 --> 00:42:43,080
Speaker 1: she's like, oh my god, I'm such a huge fan.

780
00:42:43,200 --> 00:42:47,759
Speaker 1: And I'm like, oh, okay, so it wasn't me, it

781
00:42:47,800 --> 00:42:52,240
Speaker 1: was him. M mmmmm. So she she took your advice

782
00:42:52,280 --> 00:42:54,800
Speaker 1: at least to go and do the testing, at least

783
00:42:54,920 --> 00:42:57,239
Speaker 1: enough to go through the testing. And then she made

784
00:42:57,280 --> 00:42:59,560
Speaker 1: me come along to the test with her, And then,

785
00:42:59,760 --> 00:43:04,040
Speaker 1: like so many people do, she gets into the room

786
00:43:04,160 --> 00:43:07,600
Speaker 1: with the professional and starts telling him all kinds of

787
00:43:07,640 --> 00:43:10,440
Speaker 1: stuff like, do you have an issue with being on time? No?

788
00:43:10,680 --> 00:43:12,759
Speaker 1: I don't have an issue with being on time. My

789
00:43:12,840 --> 00:43:16,319
Speaker 1: mother is three hours late places. Sometimes she is, oh,

790
00:43:16,480 --> 00:43:20,360
Speaker 1: I'm like, you're you're not giving You're not giving him

791
00:43:20,400 --> 00:43:22,600
Speaker 1: the accurate story. And if you don't give him the

792
00:43:22,640 --> 00:43:26,520
Speaker 1: accurate story, he can't help you. It's sometimes I feel

793
00:43:26,560 --> 00:43:29,520
Speaker 1: like we feel like if we get in front of

794
00:43:29,640 --> 00:43:33,080
Speaker 1: professionals and we give them the full scope of what's

795
00:43:33,120 --> 00:43:36,080
Speaker 1: going on, it's like they don't call the people in

796
00:43:36,640 --> 00:43:39,480
Speaker 1: to cart you off to a facility unless like that's

797
00:43:39,560 --> 00:43:43,640
Speaker 1: absolutely necessary. You wouldn't be lucien. It's okay, are you

798
00:43:43,680 --> 00:43:47,879
Speaker 1: a danger to yourself? Then then you're fine? Just be honest. Yeah,

799
00:43:47,880 --> 00:43:49,400
Speaker 1: But I mean, I think that that shows up in

800
00:43:49,400 --> 00:43:52,400
Speaker 1: a lot of ways, right, Like not just with idi evaluation,

801
00:43:52,440 --> 00:43:54,920
Speaker 1: but I think even just in the mental health treatment

802
00:43:54,920 --> 00:43:57,800
Speaker 1: spaces and even just going to like your primary care doctor.

803
00:43:57,880 --> 00:44:01,040
Speaker 1: Right Like, there's something about the authority piece that I

804
00:44:01,080 --> 00:44:03,200
Speaker 1: think brings out a lot of stuff for people that

805
00:44:03,239 --> 00:44:07,040
Speaker 1: they don't even necessarily recognize it's the truth. It's like,

806
00:44:07,360 --> 00:44:10,839
Speaker 1: if I give them this information, how are they going

807
00:44:10,880 --> 00:44:12,879
Speaker 1: to use it against me? I need to be very

808
00:44:12,960 --> 00:44:17,279
Speaker 1: careful about how I told this information out until I

809
00:44:17,320 --> 00:44:20,120
Speaker 1: know that this is someone who's trustworthy. And I think

810
00:44:20,120 --> 00:44:24,920
Speaker 1: it would behoove the community to be aware that sometimes

811
00:44:24,920 --> 00:44:27,239
Speaker 1: when we do that, we're cutting ourselves off from the

812
00:44:27,480 --> 00:44:29,680
Speaker 1: very help that we need. And it would help if

813
00:44:29,680 --> 00:44:34,600
Speaker 1: the medical community understood that the mistrust isn't because we

814
00:44:34,640 --> 00:44:37,719
Speaker 1: don't want help. Or that we're trying to offend them.

815
00:44:37,760 --> 00:44:40,279
Speaker 1: You know, sometimes they take it very personally, and it's

816
00:44:40,320 --> 00:44:47,320
Speaker 1: like we've been experimented on. We've had our children taken

817
00:44:47,360 --> 00:44:51,000
Speaker 1: away by authority figures, we've had our homes invaded. We

818
00:44:51,080 --> 00:44:55,759
Speaker 1: have to be careful. It's not an unfounded fear. Absolutely, yeah,

819
00:44:55,760 --> 00:44:57,760
Speaker 1: I mean, and I think that's where the relationship building

820
00:44:57,760 --> 00:45:00,360
Speaker 1: like you talked about, comes in, right, you know, so

821
00:45:00,440 --> 00:45:03,399
Speaker 1: until mom was able to trust this person, then they

822
00:45:03,440 --> 00:45:05,600
Speaker 1: can maybe become more honest. But you know, you're a

823
00:45:05,640 --> 00:45:08,080
Speaker 1: complete stranger, and I'm now expected to tell you some

824
00:45:08,160 --> 00:45:11,600
Speaker 1: things that I've not publicly shared with anybody before. Right,

825
00:45:11,640 --> 00:45:14,240
Speaker 1: So it is a very weird kind of a setup.

826
00:45:15,000 --> 00:45:18,440
Speaker 1: It is. And then you know, it's embarrassing for some

827
00:45:18,600 --> 00:45:21,600
Speaker 1: of us, Like it was embarrassing to me that I

828
00:45:21,680 --> 00:45:24,840
Speaker 1: was always bouncing my checking account, or that I couldn't

829
00:45:24,880 --> 00:45:27,360
Speaker 1: show up places on time, or that I was always

830
00:45:27,360 --> 00:45:30,880
Speaker 1: a mess. It made me feel like very much like

831
00:45:30,920 --> 00:45:35,880
Speaker 1: I was in arrested development, Like I just couldn't get

832
00:45:35,880 --> 00:45:38,200
Speaker 1: over to the adult side of things, Like I was

833
00:45:38,360 --> 00:45:42,080
Speaker 1: just stuck in this like I'm too old to be

834
00:45:42,160 --> 00:45:46,160
Speaker 1: a teenager, but um not quite able to get into

835
00:45:46,160 --> 00:45:51,320
Speaker 1: these behaviors that I see as adult behaviors, and that's

836
00:45:51,360 --> 00:45:54,440
Speaker 1: a that's a really strange place to be in you

837
00:45:54,440 --> 00:45:58,759
Speaker 1: you don't exactly trust yourself because you're making these mistakes

838
00:45:58,880 --> 00:46:04,279
Speaker 1: that are causing major life issues for you. Yes, you know, Renee,

839
00:46:04,360 --> 00:46:06,160
Speaker 1: that is such a seal your point. I think you

840
00:46:06,200 --> 00:46:08,320
Speaker 1: know so. Of course, in my background as a college

841
00:46:08,320 --> 00:46:10,879
Speaker 1: student mental health professional, a part of what I did,

842
00:46:10,920 --> 00:46:12,800
Speaker 1: at least at the University of Georgia was a d

843
00:46:12,960 --> 00:46:16,839
Speaker 1: h D evaluations and so I often saw students come

844
00:46:16,880 --> 00:46:19,239
Speaker 1: in around your age, maybe a little younger when you

845
00:46:19,280 --> 00:46:22,000
Speaker 1: were diagnosed, and it would be their first time being

846
00:46:22,080 --> 00:46:24,279
Speaker 1: diagnosed with a d h D. And so one of

847
00:46:24,320 --> 00:46:27,520
Speaker 1: the resources that I would frequently recommend that students often

848
00:46:27,600 --> 00:46:33,560
Speaker 1: loved was a book called you Mean, I'm not Lazy, Stupid, crazy, right, right?

849
00:46:33,760 --> 00:46:35,879
Speaker 1: And so I would love to hear from you because

850
00:46:35,920 --> 00:46:38,080
Speaker 1: I think what happened there, and I'm guessing some of

851
00:46:38,080 --> 00:46:40,600
Speaker 1: this happened for you too, is that now you are

852
00:46:40,640 --> 00:46:43,640
Speaker 1: able to look back on your life and think about, like,

853
00:46:43,680 --> 00:46:46,440
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, like this is why this thing was happening.

854
00:46:46,440 --> 00:46:49,200
Speaker 1: And so a lot of times a later diagnosis of

855
00:46:49,280 --> 00:46:52,440
Speaker 1: a d h D comes with a lot of identity

856
00:46:52,520 --> 00:46:55,239
Speaker 1: and self esteem issues. I love something to talk about

857
00:46:55,239 --> 00:46:58,399
Speaker 1: any of that that maybe came up for you. I

858
00:46:58,440 --> 00:47:01,319
Speaker 1: think as I start did to learn and get my

859
00:47:01,440 --> 00:47:05,000
Speaker 1: a d h D under control, it really does feel

860
00:47:05,000 --> 00:47:08,920
Speaker 1: like you're peeling off these layers and revealing this person

861
00:47:09,160 --> 00:47:12,239
Speaker 1: you didn't know existed. Like I always thought that I

862
00:47:12,320 --> 00:47:15,640
Speaker 1: was really bad with money, and I found out, like

863
00:47:15,760 --> 00:47:17,640
Speaker 1: a lot of people with a d h D, I

864
00:47:17,719 --> 00:47:21,920
Speaker 1: was underemployed. I was trying to do things that I

865
00:47:21,960 --> 00:47:25,560
Speaker 1: couldn't necessarily do. So there I am trying to save money.

866
00:47:25,840 --> 00:47:30,239
Speaker 1: You don't make enough money to say you're constantly underwater,

867
00:47:31,200 --> 00:47:34,840
Speaker 1: or how I felt like I couldn't get control of

868
00:47:35,560 --> 00:47:39,360
Speaker 1: the way that I looked as far as you know, styling,

869
00:47:40,360 --> 00:47:45,319
Speaker 1: and it was just a matter of getting organized and

870
00:47:45,640 --> 00:47:49,880
Speaker 1: grouping it differently, like so much of what I saw

871
00:47:49,960 --> 00:47:54,120
Speaker 1: myself as in a negative aspect, we're just symptoms the lateness,

872
00:47:54,120 --> 00:48:00,200
Speaker 1: the disorganization, the extreme emotions that can come sometimes the

873
00:48:00,360 --> 00:48:04,279
Speaker 1: anger or the frustration, or the someone says something to

874
00:48:04,360 --> 00:48:08,640
Speaker 1: hurt your feelings, and it's not just you know, hey,

875
00:48:08,680 --> 00:48:13,080
Speaker 1: you hurt my feelings, it's a huge, you know, meltdown

876
00:48:13,360 --> 00:48:17,680
Speaker 1: crying fit almost. So there was a lot of that

877
00:48:17,760 --> 00:48:21,239
Speaker 1: where I was able to go, oh, now that I've

878
00:48:21,280 --> 00:48:25,560
Speaker 1: got some perspective, how do you feel about yourself now?

879
00:48:25,600 --> 00:48:28,400
Speaker 1: It's almost like when you see them in the movies

880
00:48:28,400 --> 00:48:31,120
Speaker 1: when they do makeovers and they cut your hair and

881
00:48:31,520 --> 00:48:35,160
Speaker 1: you see that person in the mirror and you're squinting

882
00:48:35,160 --> 00:48:37,680
Speaker 1: to see if that's you. That's how it feels. It

883
00:48:37,719 --> 00:48:42,560
Speaker 1: just takes place over several years. Mm hmmm, I can imagine.

884
00:48:42,600 --> 00:48:45,360
Speaker 1: I can imagine. Yeah, So I want to shift a

885
00:48:45,360 --> 00:48:47,719
Speaker 1: little bit, reneed to talk more about your work as

886
00:48:47,760 --> 00:48:50,960
Speaker 1: an advocate and an educator and a community building like

887
00:48:51,000 --> 00:48:53,520
Speaker 1: we've already talked about, and to really kind of talk

888
00:48:53,600 --> 00:48:58,399
Speaker 1: about how your work maybe has changed during the pandemic, right, um,

889
00:48:58,520 --> 00:49:00,720
Speaker 1: So I would love to know if there are ways

890
00:49:00,760 --> 00:49:02,920
Speaker 1: that you have seen a d h D show up

891
00:49:02,960 --> 00:49:05,919
Speaker 1: differently for you now in the pandemic, and what kinds

892
00:49:05,960 --> 00:49:07,919
Speaker 1: of things have you had to kind of adapt during

893
00:49:07,960 --> 00:49:13,279
Speaker 1: this time. Oh okay, So for me, it's funny. At

894
00:49:13,280 --> 00:49:16,399
Speaker 1: the beginning of the pandemic, I was like, Okay, I'm

895
00:49:16,400 --> 00:49:18,919
Speaker 1: gonna have this extra time, so let me make sure

896
00:49:18,920 --> 00:49:21,080
Speaker 1: I've got things to do, and then it finally occurred

897
00:49:21,080 --> 00:49:25,360
Speaker 1: to me. I run a business that's online. I don't

898
00:49:25,400 --> 00:49:31,799
Speaker 1: go anywhere anyway. There's there's no major life change for you.

899
00:49:31,800 --> 00:49:33,879
Speaker 1: You in the house, then, you in the house now.

900
00:49:34,760 --> 00:49:39,760
Speaker 1: But what has changed is that there are so many

901
00:49:39,840 --> 00:49:43,120
Speaker 1: more people in needing, so many more people who are

902
00:49:43,160 --> 00:49:46,160
Speaker 1: discovering this for the first time. Like it makes me

903
00:49:46,200 --> 00:49:50,640
Speaker 1: wonder if this pandemic has been the first time that

904
00:49:50,680 --> 00:49:53,840
Speaker 1: people have really been able to sit with themselves and

905
00:49:53,880 --> 00:49:57,160
Speaker 1: their emotions and look at their life. Like it's easy

906
00:49:57,200 --> 00:49:58,960
Speaker 1: to stay out of the house if the house is

907
00:49:59,040 --> 00:50:01,000
Speaker 1: too messy in it for us straight you, but not

908
00:50:01,120 --> 00:50:05,960
Speaker 1: when you can't leave. So then you're sitting there and

909
00:50:06,000 --> 00:50:09,239
Speaker 1: you're trying to pull it together and you find that

910
00:50:09,280 --> 00:50:12,200
Speaker 1: you can't. Why can't I take care of this mess?

911
00:50:12,680 --> 00:50:15,319
Speaker 1: Why am I still late to work even though I'm

912
00:50:15,320 --> 00:50:17,239
Speaker 1: on a zoom call now and I don't have to

913
00:50:17,320 --> 00:50:20,760
Speaker 1: leave the house. So there are a lot of these

914
00:50:20,800 --> 00:50:26,399
Speaker 1: things that regular life would allow us to mask or

915
00:50:26,480 --> 00:50:30,080
Speaker 1: excuse away that aren't there anymore. And can you say

916
00:50:30,120 --> 00:50:33,160
Speaker 1: more about like the additional need for resources? So what

917
00:50:33,280 --> 00:50:36,480
Speaker 1: have you seen change? More people like reading your blog pole,

918
00:50:36,560 --> 00:50:39,400
Speaker 1: So how have you been able to recognize the increase,

919
00:50:39,880 --> 00:50:44,080
Speaker 1: more people reading blog posts, more people reaching out with questions,

920
00:50:44,160 --> 00:50:48,080
Speaker 1: more people signing up for coaching services or looking for

921
00:50:48,200 --> 00:50:52,640
Speaker 1: a coach, way more questions. Especially people have a lot

922
00:50:52,680 --> 00:50:56,960
Speaker 1: of questions about learning questions for their children now, but

923
00:50:57,080 --> 00:50:59,600
Speaker 1: I work with adults. But you know, of course, you

924
00:50:59,719 --> 00:51:02,160
Speaker 1: still want to funnel people to the resources so that

925
00:51:02,239 --> 00:51:05,360
Speaker 1: they can get the help they need. And a d

926
00:51:05,520 --> 00:51:08,960
Speaker 1: h D parents need support too, because you're trying to

927
00:51:09,040 --> 00:51:11,520
Speaker 1: support and most likely if you have a d h

928
00:51:11,600 --> 00:51:15,239
Speaker 1: D your child does, you're as likely to inherit a

929
00:51:15,320 --> 00:51:18,040
Speaker 1: d h D as you are to inherit eye color.

930
00:51:18,480 --> 00:51:22,759
Speaker 1: So you've got maybe a mom who's finding out that

931
00:51:22,760 --> 00:51:24,640
Speaker 1: her child has a d h D and it starts

932
00:51:24,680 --> 00:51:26,560
Speaker 1: to sound familiar. So you've got a lot of newly

933
00:51:26,760 --> 00:51:31,520
Speaker 1: diagnosed people because they're finally realizing, like, this is not

934
00:51:31,880 --> 00:51:34,719
Speaker 1: me having to be outside, this is not anything but

935
00:51:34,960 --> 00:51:38,000
Speaker 1: something that I don't understand, let me go find out.

936
00:51:38,040 --> 00:51:43,200
Speaker 1: So there's a lot of newly diagnosed people women, especially Yeah, yeah,

937
00:51:43,440 --> 00:51:45,680
Speaker 1: I mean, and we know, you know, in session sixty

938
00:51:45,760 --> 00:51:48,360
Speaker 1: six when Dr Brown was here talking about a d

939
00:51:48,560 --> 00:51:50,760
Speaker 1: h D, we know that it often looks very different

940
00:51:50,800 --> 00:51:53,760
Speaker 1: in women and girls right, So it is often missed,

941
00:51:53,760 --> 00:51:56,759
Speaker 1: which is why people don't often get diagnosed until later

942
00:51:56,800 --> 00:52:01,680
Speaker 1: in life. Absolutely, and to for a lot of us,

943
00:52:01,840 --> 00:52:05,000
Speaker 1: because we are outside the box thinkers were able to

944
00:52:05,040 --> 00:52:08,640
Speaker 1: fly under the radar because like for me, yeah, I

945
00:52:08,680 --> 00:52:11,879
Speaker 1: didn't necessarily always have my homework done, but I could

946
00:52:11,880 --> 00:52:15,280
Speaker 1: go into class barely pay attention and still aced the test.

947
00:52:16,160 --> 00:52:19,399
Speaker 1: So you can fly through a lot of things like that.

948
00:52:20,160 --> 00:52:25,440
Speaker 1: And now we're finding with this pandemic, you can't do

949
00:52:25,560 --> 00:52:27,120
Speaker 1: it the way that you used to do it. You're

950
00:52:27,160 --> 00:52:30,240
Speaker 1: having to learn in a new way. You're having to

951
00:52:30,320 --> 00:52:33,440
Speaker 1: attend work in a new way. And you know, you're

952
00:52:33,480 --> 00:52:37,160
Speaker 1: trying to set up your work space. It's halfway set up.

953
00:52:37,520 --> 00:52:42,279
Speaker 1: It's not comfortable, the clutters everywhere. You need solutions. I

954
00:52:42,400 --> 00:52:45,600
Speaker 1: love to hear in a how the black experience with

955
00:52:45,680 --> 00:52:48,919
Speaker 1: a d h D has changed since you started Black

956
00:52:48,920 --> 00:52:51,440
Speaker 1: Girl Lost Keys, Like, what kinds of things have you

957
00:52:51,480 --> 00:52:54,880
Speaker 1: noticed that have improved or been worse since you started

958
00:52:54,880 --> 00:52:58,200
Speaker 1: the site? You know, I think we're still at the

959
00:52:58,280 --> 00:53:01,880
Speaker 1: beginning of the work to a certain extent, Like I

960
00:53:01,960 --> 00:53:05,560
Speaker 1: feel like my work has moved the needle. There's other

961
00:53:05,640 --> 00:53:09,240
Speaker 1: people who are moving the needle. As well. There's still

962
00:53:09,760 --> 00:53:14,120
Speaker 1: so much room for the experience to be shared, and

963
00:53:14,160 --> 00:53:17,160
Speaker 1: there's still so much cynicism when it comes to the

964
00:53:17,200 --> 00:53:21,239
Speaker 1: diagnosis that I think there's more than enough work to

965
00:53:21,239 --> 00:53:23,960
Speaker 1: be done. Still, we're not at the very beginning of

966
00:53:24,000 --> 00:53:26,960
Speaker 1: the work, but we still need to raise awareness. We

967
00:53:27,040 --> 00:53:30,680
Speaker 1: still need to get the truth out about what the

968
00:53:30,719 --> 00:53:34,400
Speaker 1: condition is. Like it's not a plot to medicate children.

969
00:53:34,800 --> 00:53:38,040
Speaker 1: It's actually a tool to help them get where they

970
00:53:38,080 --> 00:53:42,759
Speaker 1: need to go if they have this condition. Yeah, and

971
00:53:42,840 --> 00:53:46,319
Speaker 1: you know, I think that that like mistrust that we

972
00:53:46,480 --> 00:53:49,320
Speaker 1: have related to like oh, they're just trying to punky

973
00:53:49,320 --> 00:53:52,760
Speaker 1: as full of medication is one that really has stuck around.

974
00:53:52,840 --> 00:53:55,520
Speaker 1: It seems a lot. I think some of that is changing,

975
00:53:55,560 --> 00:53:57,920
Speaker 1: you know, with different kinds of approaches. And we know

976
00:53:57,960 --> 00:54:01,520
Speaker 1: that there are non stimulant medications you now that they

977
00:54:01,560 --> 00:54:03,640
Speaker 1: allow kids to try. But I'm curious to hear your

978
00:54:03,680 --> 00:54:06,400
Speaker 1: thoughts about what other things might help to reduce some

979
00:54:06,520 --> 00:54:08,680
Speaker 1: of that cynicism related to a d h D in

980
00:54:08,719 --> 00:54:12,200
Speaker 1: the community. I think we need education and I think

981
00:54:12,280 --> 00:54:15,960
Speaker 1: we need to know, Like when we're talking about the

982
00:54:16,160 --> 00:54:18,960
Speaker 1: symptoms that d D can result in for children, a

983
00:54:19,000 --> 00:54:21,640
Speaker 1: lot of times people see it as a discipline problem.

984
00:54:22,360 --> 00:54:25,520
Speaker 1: So it's like spank the child. Like, as we know,

985
00:54:25,840 --> 00:54:29,759
Speaker 1: we're learning that spanking children is not the thing to

986
00:54:29,840 --> 00:54:33,200
Speaker 1: do to begin with. But even so, if that's your

987
00:54:33,200 --> 00:54:35,839
Speaker 1: mode of discipline and you're spanking the child and it's

988
00:54:35,880 --> 00:54:39,160
Speaker 1: not producing the result, like the assumption is often that

989
00:54:39,200 --> 00:54:42,440
Speaker 1: the child is just obstinate. What child wants to be

990
00:54:42,560 --> 00:54:46,520
Speaker 1: in trouble, you know what I mean? Right, So there's

991
00:54:46,800 --> 00:54:50,640
Speaker 1: I think we need to shift the way that we

992
00:54:50,800 --> 00:54:55,239
Speaker 1: think about children. I think we could stand to remember

993
00:54:55,360 --> 00:54:59,800
Speaker 1: that children are not you know, little soldiers that we

994
00:55:00,160 --> 00:55:03,920
Speaker 1: man their people with thoughts and feelings, and they expressed

995
00:55:03,960 --> 00:55:06,920
Speaker 1: them in different ways. And sometimes I feel like as

996
00:55:06,960 --> 00:55:10,239
Speaker 1: a community, we don't we don't let our children be

997
00:55:10,400 --> 00:55:15,200
Speaker 1: people their children, you know. M Yeah, I think something else,

998
00:55:15,200 --> 00:55:17,120
Speaker 1: like you mentioned earlier, you know, so much of this

999
00:55:17,239 --> 00:55:19,719
Speaker 1: research has been done just on you know, white men

1000
00:55:19,800 --> 00:55:22,640
Speaker 1: and boys. I think that there are lots of black

1001
00:55:22,640 --> 00:55:25,080
Speaker 1: scholars and other scholars of color who are doing more

1002
00:55:25,120 --> 00:55:27,520
Speaker 1: research in this area. Um and I think that that

1003
00:55:27,560 --> 00:55:29,640
Speaker 1: will go along way, you too, in us helping to

1004
00:55:30,160 --> 00:55:32,760
Speaker 1: recognize like how a d h D does look different

1005
00:55:32,760 --> 00:55:37,080
Speaker 1: in our communities. It does, it does and you know,

1006
00:55:37,760 --> 00:55:41,719
Speaker 1: sometimes I don't know. I just feel like I think

1007
00:55:41,760 --> 00:55:45,120
Speaker 1: there is something to be said that little black boys

1008
00:55:45,200 --> 00:55:48,239
Speaker 1: are sometimes diagnosed with a d h D when they

1009
00:55:48,280 --> 00:55:53,120
Speaker 1: don't have it. You know, it's difficult when you do

1010
00:55:53,239 --> 00:55:56,719
Speaker 1: have evidence that this is happening, but it's not happening

1011
00:55:56,800 --> 00:55:59,720
Speaker 1: the way. It's like we're getting pieces of the story,

1012
00:55:59,760 --> 00:56:02,600
Speaker 1: we're not getting the whole story. And then when you're

1013
00:56:02,600 --> 00:56:05,680
Speaker 1: talking about a d h D, when's the last time

1014
00:56:05,719 --> 00:56:07,880
Speaker 1: you heard them talking about little black girls with a

1015
00:56:07,960 --> 00:56:11,680
Speaker 1: d h D. We don't even enter the conversation. Yeah,

1016
00:56:11,680 --> 00:56:15,080
Speaker 1: I mean often the attention is about how often black

1017
00:56:15,120 --> 00:56:19,600
Speaker 1: boys are over diagnosed, right, but black girls are completely

1018
00:56:19,640 --> 00:56:22,800
Speaker 1: out of the conversation. It's like we don't even exist.

1019
00:56:22,880 --> 00:56:26,319
Speaker 1: And because don't exist, we're not getting the help that

1020
00:56:26,360 --> 00:56:29,560
Speaker 1: we need at all, but we are getting plenty of criticism.

1021
00:56:29,640 --> 00:56:34,840
Speaker 1: That's another thing culturally, when we're late, when we're messy,

1022
00:56:35,400 --> 00:56:40,160
Speaker 1: we're reinforcing these stereotypes. So you're being seen as someone

1023
00:56:40,640 --> 00:56:46,480
Speaker 1: who's intentionally being late, being slavish, and playing into these things.

1024
00:56:46,719 --> 00:56:49,279
Speaker 1: As a community, we're gonna work harder to curtail that

1025
00:56:49,400 --> 00:56:51,799
Speaker 1: in you. And then you can't how do you not

1026
00:56:51,960 --> 00:56:55,080
Speaker 1: feel like you've failed. M You know, a lot of

1027
00:56:55,120 --> 00:56:57,200
Speaker 1: a d h D symptoms really kind of fly in

1028
00:56:57,200 --> 00:56:58,920
Speaker 1: the face of what it is supposed to me to

1029
00:56:58,960 --> 00:57:01,000
Speaker 1: be a young black girl, oh and a black woman

1030
00:57:01,040 --> 00:57:04,400
Speaker 1: in the world. Yes, like we're supposed to be organized,

1031
00:57:04,440 --> 00:57:07,080
Speaker 1: we're supposed to manage the household, We're supposed to be

1032
00:57:07,160 --> 00:57:10,319
Speaker 1: able to do all these things. As a I'm divorced now,

1033
00:57:10,360 --> 00:57:13,120
Speaker 1: but as a wife, it was like, look, I'm not

1034
00:57:13,320 --> 00:57:18,840
Speaker 1: gonna take over and do everything while all you do

1035
00:57:18,920 --> 00:57:22,400
Speaker 1: is go to work and come home. And then not

1036
00:57:22,520 --> 00:57:24,360
Speaker 1: only did I not want to, it turned out that

1037
00:57:24,480 --> 00:57:26,840
Speaker 1: was never gonna be a fit for me to have

1038
00:57:26,880 --> 00:57:32,280
Speaker 1: a relationship where that was expected. And because black women

1039
00:57:32,320 --> 00:57:36,200
Speaker 1: were sometimes a victim of how dynamic we are, like

1040
00:57:36,440 --> 00:57:40,800
Speaker 1: we do everything, we do so much, and because we

1041
00:57:40,920 --> 00:57:44,360
Speaker 1: do so much, people don't often give us this space

1042
00:57:44,560 --> 00:57:47,200
Speaker 1: to not be able to do certain things. It's like

1043
00:57:47,320 --> 00:57:49,120
Speaker 1: I can't do that. It's like, yes, you can, just

1044
00:57:49,160 --> 00:57:53,040
Speaker 1: try harder. You do everything, and it's like this particular

1045
00:57:53,080 --> 00:57:56,480
Speaker 1: thing I can't do for you. Yeah, So I would

1046
00:57:56,560 --> 00:57:58,560
Speaker 1: love to know, Renee, if this has come up in

1047
00:57:58,600 --> 00:58:01,200
Speaker 1: your work. One of the things you know and you've

1048
00:58:01,200 --> 00:58:04,200
Speaker 1: already talked about like how like keeping a house organized

1049
00:58:04,240 --> 00:58:06,560
Speaker 1: and clean can be really difficult for someone with a

1050
00:58:06,640 --> 00:58:09,280
Speaker 1: d h D. And I know that it's likely that

1051
00:58:09,440 --> 00:58:12,040
Speaker 1: something that people will rely on is like bringing in

1052
00:58:12,080 --> 00:58:15,000
Speaker 1: outside help, right, so someone to help clean the house,

1053
00:58:15,080 --> 00:58:18,000
Speaker 1: come with someone to help organize. But I know from

1054
00:58:18,000 --> 00:58:20,320
Speaker 1: my own experience and working with black women, that is

1055
00:58:20,360 --> 00:58:23,520
Speaker 1: something that we will sometimes leave as a last resort, right,

1056
00:58:23,600 --> 00:58:26,400
Speaker 1: Like you know, our moms and grandmoms, you know, it

1057
00:58:26,440 --> 00:58:28,160
Speaker 1: felt like they could do it all, and so there's

1058
00:58:28,200 --> 00:58:32,600
Speaker 1: often some shame around like requiring additional help. Has that

1059
00:58:32,680 --> 00:58:36,320
Speaker 1: come from the conversations with your community? Oh my god? Yes?

1060
00:58:36,480 --> 00:58:40,520
Speaker 1: And like especially this week because my grandmother has been

1061
00:58:40,560 --> 00:58:44,000
Speaker 1: in the hospital and I've been thinking about and talking about.

1062
00:58:44,360 --> 00:58:46,920
Speaker 1: You know, I grew up as her shadows, so when

1063
00:58:46,960 --> 00:58:49,520
Speaker 1: I got into adulthood, I was like, Okay, I need

1064
00:58:49,520 --> 00:58:52,800
Speaker 1: to run everything like my grandmother did. She ran a

1065
00:58:52,920 --> 00:58:56,720
Speaker 1: successful business, she worked the full time job, she babysat

1066
00:58:56,800 --> 00:58:59,760
Speaker 1: my brother, and I did all the supply work, took

1067
00:58:59,760 --> 00:59:03,360
Speaker 1: care of the family. Almost killed myself from exhaustion trying

1068
00:59:03,360 --> 00:59:06,680
Speaker 1: to be that woman. And I think so many of

1069
00:59:06,760 --> 00:59:09,520
Speaker 1: us we live lives that are very different from the

1070
00:59:09,600 --> 00:59:13,080
Speaker 1: lives that our mothers and grandmothers lived, and so we

1071
00:59:13,160 --> 00:59:17,320
Speaker 1: need tools that they didn't have, and probably they needed

1072
00:59:17,360 --> 00:59:20,760
Speaker 1: access to some of those tools too. So when we're

1073
00:59:20,760 --> 00:59:25,720
Speaker 1: talking about how, you know my grandmother did it all,

1074
00:59:26,560 --> 00:59:30,680
Speaker 1: she did all, but I think she was frustrated, Like

1075
00:59:30,760 --> 00:59:33,200
Speaker 1: she didn't do it out of joy. She did it

1076
00:59:33,280 --> 00:59:37,040
Speaker 1: because nobody else was gonna do it, and there's frustration.

1077
00:59:37,440 --> 00:59:40,640
Speaker 1: I really try hard not to emulate that, but of

1078
00:59:40,680 --> 00:59:42,480
Speaker 1: course the guilt still there. You know. I told my

1079
00:59:42,520 --> 00:59:44,720
Speaker 1: mom once that I was looking for a housekeeper and

1080
00:59:44,760 --> 00:59:46,800
Speaker 1: she was like, well, I could help you with that,

1081
00:59:46,840 --> 00:59:48,560
Speaker 1: and I'm like, no, I don't want you to help

1082
00:59:48,560 --> 00:59:50,720
Speaker 1: me with it. I want somebody to come over and

1083
00:59:50,760 --> 00:59:54,120
Speaker 1: do it. I'm like, I'm not doing it, and you're

1084
00:59:54,200 --> 00:59:57,680
Speaker 1: not doing it. We're taking labor away from us, not

1085
00:59:57,880 --> 01:00:02,040
Speaker 1: creating a shared labor project here, we're taking it away.

1086
01:00:02,440 --> 01:00:05,280
Speaker 1: I've expressed to her like, if I were to have

1087
01:00:05,360 --> 01:00:08,440
Speaker 1: a child, I want to have a nanny or a

1088
01:00:08,480 --> 01:00:11,160
Speaker 1: helper that comes in to help me with the overnight

1089
01:00:11,600 --> 01:00:13,960
Speaker 1: because sleep is too important to me. If I don't

1090
01:00:13,960 --> 01:00:16,480
Speaker 1: get sleep, I'm done. And she laughed, and I'm like,

1091
01:00:16,720 --> 01:00:20,240
Speaker 1: you laugh, but you probably should have had a nanny too,

1092
01:00:22,040 --> 01:00:24,120
Speaker 1: you know, it's like, Okay, yeah you did it with

1093
01:00:24,160 --> 01:00:28,400
Speaker 1: that one. I think you deserved the help. You deserved

1094
01:00:28,480 --> 01:00:31,160
Speaker 1: the help. So that's usually the response that I give,

1095
01:00:31,200 --> 01:00:33,480
Speaker 1: and then they look a little taken aback, like, oh,

1096
01:00:33,760 --> 01:00:37,160
Speaker 1: maybe I did deserve the help. What a shame that

1097
01:00:37,200 --> 01:00:41,160
Speaker 1: nobody gave it to you, right right? So I love

1098
01:00:41,240 --> 01:00:44,000
Speaker 1: that your I G page is like a wealth of resources.

1099
01:00:44,000 --> 01:00:46,320
Speaker 1: So one post that I loved was you had a

1100
01:00:46,360 --> 01:00:49,040
Speaker 1: post that said, if I had a life remote control

1101
01:00:49,560 --> 01:00:51,760
Speaker 1: that you could use, you would make use of the

1102
01:00:51,800 --> 01:00:55,320
Speaker 1: rewind button and apply the knowledge to your younger self.

1103
01:00:55,400 --> 01:00:58,040
Speaker 1: And I would love to hear what message you would

1104
01:00:58,040 --> 01:01:00,640
Speaker 1: give to your younger self. Go to of the doctor

1105
01:01:00,760 --> 01:01:07,360
Speaker 1: you got it. But really, like all of these things,

1106
01:01:08,080 --> 01:01:10,560
Speaker 1: the frustration that I would feel with myself when I

1107
01:01:10,600 --> 01:01:13,800
Speaker 1: would be trying as hard as I could, Like you know, academics,

1108
01:01:13,800 --> 01:01:16,360
Speaker 1: of course, like so many of us, that's a priority

1109
01:01:16,360 --> 01:01:18,680
Speaker 1: in our household. You better get in those books. If

1110
01:01:18,720 --> 01:01:21,200
Speaker 1: you knew those books like you knew that song, you

1111
01:01:21,240 --> 01:01:23,640
Speaker 1: would do so much better. So I felt like I

1112
01:01:23,680 --> 01:01:26,320
Speaker 1: was and I wasn't even a bad student, but I

1113
01:01:26,440 --> 01:01:29,200
Speaker 1: just felt like the amount of effort that I was

1114
01:01:29,240 --> 01:01:33,560
Speaker 1: putting in wasn't giving me the result that I wanted.

1115
01:01:34,160 --> 01:01:37,320
Speaker 1: And working hard is important, but there's such a thing

1116
01:01:37,320 --> 01:01:39,920
Speaker 1: as too hard. I wish I had known that I

1117
01:01:40,040 --> 01:01:43,520
Speaker 1: was working too hard and that it wasn't that I

1118
01:01:43,640 --> 01:01:46,320
Speaker 1: needed to try harder, it was that I needed to

1119
01:01:46,400 --> 01:01:51,080
Speaker 1: try differently. Mm hmmm. What a powerful message that would

1120
01:01:51,080 --> 01:01:54,160
Speaker 1: have been as a young person, right, yeah, I think

1121
01:01:54,160 --> 01:01:57,919
Speaker 1: it would have helped me to realize that I wasn't bad,

1122
01:01:58,880 --> 01:02:01,560
Speaker 1: because that's how I felt. I felt like the teachers

1123
01:02:01,560 --> 01:02:05,360
Speaker 1: were frustrated with me, my parents were frustrated with me.

1124
01:02:06,240 --> 01:02:09,320
Speaker 1: It just felt like I didn't fit in anywhere, that

1125
01:02:09,360 --> 01:02:12,000
Speaker 1: I couldn't get it right like other people were able

1126
01:02:12,000 --> 01:02:15,120
Speaker 1: to get it right and I couldn't. So that must

1127
01:02:15,240 --> 01:02:18,800
Speaker 1: mean whatever negative conclusion you want to come to. And

1128
01:02:19,120 --> 01:02:23,120
Speaker 1: that's the part that people are missing when their children

1129
01:02:23,160 --> 01:02:26,680
Speaker 1: are being diagnosed and we're going, nah, I don't believe

1130
01:02:26,720 --> 01:02:30,200
Speaker 1: that we were trying to avoid a label. You're still

1131
01:02:30,200 --> 01:02:32,400
Speaker 1: going to get one. Just like the book said. You mean,

1132
01:02:32,440 --> 01:02:35,680
Speaker 1: I'm not lazy, crazy, or stupid, but that's the label

1133
01:02:35,680 --> 01:02:39,880
Speaker 1: of your child's gonna get lazy, crazy or stupid. Right,

1134
01:02:39,920 --> 01:02:41,680
Speaker 1: And it may be an internal label. It may not

1135
01:02:41,720 --> 01:02:45,360
Speaker 1: even be from someone else. That's it right there, and

1136
01:02:46,160 --> 01:02:49,960
Speaker 1: the label of a d h D gives them access

1137
01:02:50,040 --> 01:02:54,040
Speaker 1: to help and support. Those other labels don't do anything

1138
01:02:54,120 --> 01:02:56,920
Speaker 1: but shame them and cut them off from support, make

1139
01:02:57,000 --> 01:03:00,560
Speaker 1: them feel like they're not even worthy of support. So

1140
01:03:00,640 --> 01:03:03,240
Speaker 1: what have been some of your favorite resources renewed? Besides

1141
01:03:03,280 --> 01:03:05,440
Speaker 1: your blog? Of course? What are some other resources that

1142
01:03:05,520 --> 01:03:10,720
Speaker 1: you find yourself recommending frequently are really enjoying? Okay, so

1143
01:03:10,960 --> 01:03:14,720
Speaker 1: there's Healthy a d h D. That's a blog better

1144
01:03:14,720 --> 01:03:17,240
Speaker 1: friend of mine run. She is very, very thorough. She

1145
01:03:17,280 --> 01:03:19,640
Speaker 1: does a lot of stuff with a d h D moms.

1146
01:03:19,680 --> 01:03:24,320
Speaker 1: It's fantastic. Cameron God is an a d h D coach.

1147
01:03:24,400 --> 01:03:27,680
Speaker 1: He does a podcast called Translating a d h D.

1148
01:03:28,360 --> 01:03:32,800
Speaker 1: Phenomenal resource. She's gonna be on this show today. Inger

1149
01:03:32,880 --> 01:03:37,040
Speaker 1: schet Cozy, who is also a friend of mine, fantastic

1150
01:03:37,080 --> 01:03:38,640
Speaker 1: a d h D coach. I tell her all the time,

1151
01:03:38,680 --> 01:03:40,960
Speaker 1: you help me tuck my brain back in when it

1152
01:03:41,080 --> 01:03:45,959
Speaker 1: starts to come loose. So there's a lot of good

1153
01:03:46,000 --> 01:03:49,000
Speaker 1: resources out there. The a d h D Good Life.

1154
01:03:49,440 --> 01:03:53,120
Speaker 1: It's a podcast run by by my buddy Sandra, and

1155
01:03:53,200 --> 01:03:56,400
Speaker 1: she does a fantastic job too. Those are the places

1156
01:03:56,440 --> 01:03:59,320
Speaker 1: I go when I need to to learn something new.

1157
01:03:59,720 --> 01:04:02,840
Speaker 1: Her picked. So tell us where we can find you.

1158
01:04:02,960 --> 01:04:05,240
Speaker 1: What's your website as well as where we can connect

1159
01:04:05,240 --> 01:04:07,920
Speaker 1: with you on social media. It's black Girl Lost Keys

1160
01:04:07,960 --> 01:04:11,080
Speaker 1: dot com. You can find me on any social media

1161
01:04:11,680 --> 01:04:14,120
Speaker 1: under black Girl Loss Keys. If you're trying to find

1162
01:04:14,120 --> 01:04:17,040
Speaker 1: me on Twitter, they won't let me have all my characters,

1163
01:04:17,040 --> 01:04:21,480
Speaker 1: so it's b LK Lost Keys dot m as the handle,

1164
01:04:22,320 --> 01:04:24,600
Speaker 1: and if you google black Girl Lost Keys, it will

1165
01:04:24,800 --> 01:04:27,920
Speaker 1: bring up anything that's related to me. Perfect well, I

1166
01:04:27,920 --> 01:04:30,360
Speaker 1: thank you so much for sharing with us today, Renee.

1167
01:04:30,360 --> 01:04:32,720
Speaker 1: I appreciate it. Thank you so much for your time.

1168
01:04:32,920 --> 01:04:35,760
Speaker 1: I appreciate it. This was really an honor. Thank you

1169
01:04:35,920 --> 01:04:42,000
Speaker 1: very much, Dr Joy, thank you. I'm so glad Ingerschet

1170
01:04:42,080 --> 01:04:44,640
Speaker 1: and Renee were able to join us for today's conversation.

1171
01:04:45,240 --> 01:04:47,840
Speaker 1: To learn more about their work, are the resources that

1172
01:04:47,880 --> 01:04:50,760
Speaker 1: they shared. Visit the show notes at Therapy for Black

1173
01:04:50,760 --> 01:04:54,800
Speaker 1: Girls dot com slash session one and please text two

1174
01:04:54,840 --> 01:04:57,640
Speaker 1: sisters right now and tell them to check out the episode.

1175
01:04:58,240 --> 01:05:00,160
Speaker 1: Don't forget that if you're looking for a therapy it's

1176
01:05:00,200 --> 01:05:03,200
Speaker 1: in your area. You can check out our therapist directory

1177
01:05:03,200 --> 01:05:06,680
Speaker 1: at Therapy for Black Girls dot com slash directory. And

1178
01:05:06,720 --> 01:05:09,560
Speaker 1: if you want to continue digging into this topic or

1179
01:05:09,640 --> 01:05:12,760
Speaker 1: just be in community with other sisters, come on over

1180
01:05:12,800 --> 01:05:15,840
Speaker 1: and join us in the Sister Circle. It's our cozy

1181
01:05:15,880 --> 01:05:18,880
Speaker 1: corner of the Internet designed just for black women. You

1182
01:05:18,920 --> 01:05:21,880
Speaker 1: can join us at community dot Therapy for Black girls

1183
01:05:21,960 --> 01:05:24,360
Speaker 1: dot com. Thank you all so much for joining me

1184
01:05:24,360 --> 01:05:27,680
Speaker 1: again this week. I look forward to continuing this conversation

1185
01:05:27,720 --> 01:05:30,240
Speaker 1: with you all real soon. Take it care