1 00:00:10,840 --> 00:00:14,520 Speaker 1: Welcome to the Therapy for Black Girls Podcast, a weekly 2 00:00:14,560 --> 00:00:19,320 Speaker 1: conversation about mental health, personal development, and all the small 3 00:00:19,360 --> 00:00:22,520 Speaker 1: decisions we can make to become the best possible versions 4 00:00:22,520 --> 00:00:26,640 Speaker 1: of ourselves. I'm your host, doctor joy hard and Bradford, 5 00:00:27,000 --> 00:00:32,080 Speaker 1: a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. For more information or 6 00:00:32,200 --> 00:00:35,600 Speaker 1: to find a therapist in your area, visit our website 7 00:00:35,720 --> 00:00:39,440 Speaker 1: at Therapy for Blackgirls dot com. While I hope you 8 00:00:39,479 --> 00:00:43,479 Speaker 1: love listening to and learning from the podcast, it is 9 00:00:43,520 --> 00:00:46,440 Speaker 1: not meant to be a substitute for a relationship with 10 00:00:46,479 --> 00:00:57,440 Speaker 1: a licensed mental health professional. Hey, y'all, thanks so much 11 00:00:57,440 --> 00:00:59,600 Speaker 1: for joining me for session four thirty nine of the 12 00:00:59,600 --> 00:01:02,840 Speaker 1: Therapy for Black Girls Podcast. We'll get right into our 13 00:01:02,880 --> 00:01:16,800 Speaker 1: conversation afterword from our sponsors. The holidays can be beautiful, stressful, joyful, 14 00:01:16,920 --> 00:01:21,040 Speaker 1: and overwhelming, sometimes all at once. As we step into 15 00:01:21,080 --> 00:01:23,640 Speaker 1: this season, I wanted to revisit a conversation that so 16 00:01:23,720 --> 00:01:25,679 Speaker 1: many of you have told me was helpful for you 17 00:01:25,800 --> 00:01:29,560 Speaker 1: in the years past. In this throwback episode, I'm talking 18 00:01:29,600 --> 00:01:32,880 Speaker 1: about the holiday blues. I break down what it actually is, 19 00:01:33,080 --> 00:01:35,640 Speaker 1: why it happens, and how to tell the difference between 20 00:01:35,640 --> 00:01:40,200 Speaker 1: holiday blues and major depression. Most importantly, I'm walking through 21 00:01:40,280 --> 00:01:43,120 Speaker 1: six practical tips you can use right now to help 22 00:01:43,160 --> 00:01:46,560 Speaker 1: you move through the holidays with more intention and less stress. 23 00:01:47,040 --> 00:01:50,040 Speaker 1: I hope this episode meet you where you are. If 24 00:01:50,040 --> 00:01:53,680 Speaker 1: something resonates with you while enjoying this conversation, please share 25 00:01:53,760 --> 00:01:57,280 Speaker 1: with us on social media using the hashtag TVG in session. 26 00:02:01,760 --> 00:02:03,520 Speaker 1: We've made it to that time of the year that 27 00:02:03,600 --> 00:02:06,600 Speaker 1: you've either been looking forward to or dreading for any 28 00:02:06,680 --> 00:02:10,760 Speaker 1: number of reasons. Next week officially starts the holiday season, 29 00:02:11,480 --> 00:02:13,600 Speaker 1: even though some of those stores have had their Christmas 30 00:02:13,680 --> 00:02:15,480 Speaker 1: decorations up for at least a month now. 31 00:02:16,200 --> 00:02:19,280 Speaker 2: Heading into the holidays often brings up a lot for people, 32 00:02:19,919 --> 00:02:22,640 Speaker 2: so I wanted to spend some time today talking about 33 00:02:22,639 --> 00:02:26,520 Speaker 2: the difference between the holiday blues and depression, and to 34 00:02:26,560 --> 00:02:29,720 Speaker 2: offer some tips on steadying yourself for the holiday season. 35 00:02:31,520 --> 00:02:34,880 Speaker 2: The holiday blues might best be described as increase sadness 36 00:02:34,880 --> 00:02:37,840 Speaker 2: and anxiety during the holiday season for a variety of 37 00:02:37,840 --> 00:02:42,680 Speaker 2: different reasons. An article from UC Davis Health indicates that 38 00:02:42,720 --> 00:02:45,200 Speaker 2: some of the reasons we see an increase in sadness 39 00:02:45,200 --> 00:02:49,200 Speaker 2: and anxiety is related to a couple of factors. The 40 00:02:49,240 --> 00:02:52,400 Speaker 2: first is time change. We know that we've just set 41 00:02:52,400 --> 00:02:55,160 Speaker 2: our clocks back an hour, which means we have few 42 00:02:55,240 --> 00:02:58,360 Speaker 2: hours of daylight, which can have an impact on our mood, 43 00:02:58,760 --> 00:03:03,120 Speaker 2: resulting in decreased energy, loss of interest in pleasurable activities, 44 00:03:03,560 --> 00:03:08,640 Speaker 2: and sleep disturbances. A second factor that may contribute to 45 00:03:08,680 --> 00:03:12,840 Speaker 2: the holiday blues is increased alcohol use. So we know 46 00:03:12,919 --> 00:03:16,440 Speaker 2: that many times when we gather to celebrate, alcohol is 47 00:03:16,480 --> 00:03:19,840 Speaker 2: often a part of the equation, and since there tends 48 00:03:19,840 --> 00:03:21,960 Speaker 2: to be a lot of gatherings for the holiday season, 49 00:03:22,360 --> 00:03:25,480 Speaker 2: we may be consuming more alcohol than usual and may 50 00:03:25,520 --> 00:03:28,359 Speaker 2: not really be paying attention to actually how much alcohol 51 00:03:28,440 --> 00:03:32,239 Speaker 2: we are consuming. It's important to remember that alcohol acts 52 00:03:32,280 --> 00:03:34,960 Speaker 2: as a depressant on the system, so if you're already 53 00:03:34,960 --> 00:03:39,000 Speaker 2: feeling a little down, the increased alcohol may actually make 54 00:03:39,040 --> 00:03:43,920 Speaker 2: your mood more depressed. A third factor that may contribute 55 00:03:43,920 --> 00:03:49,280 Speaker 2: to the holiday blues is unrealistic expectations about ourselves. The 56 00:03:49,360 --> 00:03:53,240 Speaker 2: article from UC Davis Health states during the holidays, we 57 00:03:53,280 --> 00:03:56,440 Speaker 2: frequently meet other people that are quite successful and are 58 00:03:56,480 --> 00:04:00,000 Speaker 2: advancing throughout their careers. This may lead us to play 59 00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:05,280 Speaker 2: these unrealistic expectations on ourselves concerning our own accomplishments or 60 00:04:05,360 --> 00:04:09,040 Speaker 2: our perceived lack of them. None of us is perfect, 61 00:04:09,480 --> 00:04:13,480 Speaker 2: and sometimes we develop unrealistic expectations over the holidays of 62 00:04:13,520 --> 00:04:17,479 Speaker 2: what we should accomplish and focus on our failures. Be 63 00:04:17,640 --> 00:04:21,400 Speaker 2: realistic in what you seek to achieve, both personally and professionally. 64 00:04:22,120 --> 00:04:24,560 Speaker 2: Don't label the holidays as a time to cure all 65 00:04:24,640 --> 00:04:28,960 Speaker 2: past problems. The holidays do not prevent sadness or loneliness, 66 00:04:30,200 --> 00:04:33,560 Speaker 2: so as I mentioned earlier, there definitely is a difference 67 00:04:33,600 --> 00:04:37,880 Speaker 2: between the holiday blues and a diagnosis of major depressive disorder, 68 00:04:38,640 --> 00:04:40,599 Speaker 2: and it's important for us to be aware of the 69 00:04:40,680 --> 00:04:43,960 Speaker 2: symptoms of depression so that we'll know whether we're actually 70 00:04:43,960 --> 00:04:48,360 Speaker 2: struggling with holiday blues or something more serious. To meet 71 00:04:48,440 --> 00:04:52,800 Speaker 2: criteria for a major depressive disorder, a person must experience 72 00:04:52,880 --> 00:04:56,080 Speaker 2: five or more of the symptoms below for a continuous 73 00:04:56,120 --> 00:05:00,640 Speaker 2: period of at least two weeks. These symptoms include feelings 74 00:05:00,720 --> 00:05:05,920 Speaker 2: of sadness, hopelessness, depressed mood, loss of interest or pleasure 75 00:05:06,240 --> 00:05:10,080 Speaker 2: in activities that used to be enjoyable. Change in weight 76 00:05:10,160 --> 00:05:16,240 Speaker 2: are appetite either increased or decreased. Change in activity psychomotor 77 00:05:16,279 --> 00:05:22,560 Speaker 2: agitation being more active than usual or psychomotor retardation being 78 00:05:22,640 --> 00:05:28,840 Speaker 2: less active than usual. Insomnia are sleeping too much, feeling tired, 79 00:05:28,920 --> 00:05:33,719 Speaker 2: are not having any energy, feelings of guilt or worthlessness, 80 00:05:33,760 --> 00:05:39,599 Speaker 2: difficulties concentrating and paying attention, and thoughts of death are suicide. 81 00:05:39,640 --> 00:05:43,200 Speaker 2: These symptoms must be present every day or nearly every day, 82 00:05:43,440 --> 00:05:47,240 Speaker 2: and must cause significant distress or problems in our daily 83 00:05:47,320 --> 00:05:51,800 Speaker 2: lives are functioning. So if you notice that you've been 84 00:05:51,880 --> 00:05:55,240 Speaker 2: experiencing some of these symptoms during the holidays and they 85 00:05:55,320 --> 00:05:58,760 Speaker 2: last well into the new year, or if you've already 86 00:05:58,760 --> 00:06:02,080 Speaker 2: been experiencing these symptoms, then it may be time to 87 00:06:02,160 --> 00:06:05,840 Speaker 2: talk with someone about getting some help. Like I mentioned earlier, 88 00:06:06,160 --> 00:06:09,480 Speaker 2: the holidays often bring up a lot for people. Some 89 00:06:09,480 --> 00:06:12,560 Speaker 2: stuff is positive and some stuff not so much, So 90 00:06:12,600 --> 00:06:15,720 Speaker 2: I wanted to offer you six tips for steadying yourself 91 00:06:15,760 --> 00:06:19,880 Speaker 2: for the holiday season. So the first tip is to 92 00:06:19,960 --> 00:06:23,599 Speaker 2: be realistic about your budget. I think there's often a 93 00:06:23,680 --> 00:06:27,200 Speaker 2: tendency to overspend to show the people in our lives 94 00:06:27,400 --> 00:06:29,640 Speaker 2: just how much we care about them, and I think 95 00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:33,080 Speaker 2: we need to question whether this is really necessary. And 96 00:06:33,160 --> 00:06:37,240 Speaker 2: I often wonder if we get into overspending as a 97 00:06:37,279 --> 00:06:40,240 Speaker 2: guilt reaction for not spending enough time with the people 98 00:06:40,279 --> 00:06:43,400 Speaker 2: we love throughout the year. So something for you to 99 00:06:43,440 --> 00:06:47,360 Speaker 2: think about a couple of ideas about being more realistic 100 00:06:47,400 --> 00:06:50,400 Speaker 2: and smart with your money. One, think of gifts that 101 00:06:50,440 --> 00:06:54,719 Speaker 2: you can give that don't have an obvious monetary amount. 102 00:06:55,839 --> 00:06:58,479 Speaker 2: So can you do things like offered to babysit or 103 00:06:58,520 --> 00:07:01,080 Speaker 2: make a special playlist for the people that you love 104 00:07:02,560 --> 00:07:15,960 Speaker 2: more from our conversation after the break, Two, plan ahead 105 00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:18,360 Speaker 2: for next year by setting aside a little money each 106 00:07:18,440 --> 00:07:21,240 Speaker 2: month for gifts so that there's not a panic come 107 00:07:21,280 --> 00:07:24,440 Speaker 2: November in December and you're trying to scramble figuring out 108 00:07:24,440 --> 00:07:27,239 Speaker 2: what you're going to buy for everybody. The second tip 109 00:07:27,800 --> 00:07:31,520 Speaker 2: is to create new traditions or re examine old ones. 110 00:07:32,920 --> 00:07:36,240 Speaker 2: This may be particularly relevant if for some reason, you 111 00:07:36,280 --> 00:07:39,400 Speaker 2: can't be with your family this year. Can you get 112 00:07:39,440 --> 00:07:41,960 Speaker 2: a group of friends together to do a friends giving. 113 00:07:42,720 --> 00:07:45,360 Speaker 2: Can you volunteer at a shelter to feed those in need? 114 00:07:46,200 --> 00:07:49,600 Speaker 2: I think sometimes we get guilted into celebrating the holidays 115 00:07:49,600 --> 00:07:52,800 Speaker 2: in the same ways that we always have by family members. 116 00:07:53,240 --> 00:07:55,840 Speaker 2: But it's really important to think about what feels right 117 00:07:55,880 --> 00:07:58,320 Speaker 2: to you and how you would like to spend this 118 00:07:58,440 --> 00:08:02,120 Speaker 2: time of the year. A third tip is to make 119 00:08:02,160 --> 00:08:04,560 Speaker 2: a game plan for dealing with the loss of a 120 00:08:04,640 --> 00:08:08,440 Speaker 2: loved one, So dealing with the loss during the holidays 121 00:08:08,480 --> 00:08:12,360 Speaker 2: can be very difficult to manage, particularly related to all 122 00:08:12,400 --> 00:08:16,040 Speaker 2: of the different rituals and traditions that are often surrounding 123 00:08:16,080 --> 00:08:19,520 Speaker 2: the holidays. One really good way to deal with the 124 00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:23,000 Speaker 2: loss is to reimagine what these traditions might look like. 125 00:08:23,840 --> 00:08:27,880 Speaker 2: For example, if your grandmother recently passed and she was 126 00:08:27,920 --> 00:08:31,360 Speaker 2: the one who would typically lead the Thanksgiving prayer on 127 00:08:31,400 --> 00:08:36,320 Speaker 2: Thanksgiving morning, then elect a new person to lead the prayer, 128 00:08:36,760 --> 00:08:40,200 Speaker 2: perhaps using some of her favorite passages, or redo the 129 00:08:40,200 --> 00:08:44,720 Speaker 2: prayer sequence altogether. Maybe instead of a prayer you sing 130 00:08:44,800 --> 00:08:48,200 Speaker 2: one of her favorite songs instead. One of the most 131 00:08:48,280 --> 00:08:51,160 Speaker 2: important things is to plan ahead and not get to 132 00:08:51,200 --> 00:08:54,199 Speaker 2: Thanksgiving morning and be panicked about who's going to lead 133 00:08:54,240 --> 00:08:56,720 Speaker 2: the prayer. You need to have a plan in place. 134 00:08:57,840 --> 00:09:00,200 Speaker 2: I also think that there can be the temptation to 135 00:09:00,320 --> 00:09:03,920 Speaker 2: avoid things Giving altogether, or any of the holidays after 136 00:09:04,120 --> 00:09:07,400 Speaker 2: a recent laws, and I don't think. I think it's 137 00:09:07,440 --> 00:09:12,080 Speaker 2: important that we try not to avoid things, because when 138 00:09:12,120 --> 00:09:14,880 Speaker 2: we avoid them, we never learn that we can actually 139 00:09:15,080 --> 00:09:17,600 Speaker 2: deal with it. So, of course, it will be painful 140 00:09:17,679 --> 00:09:21,400 Speaker 2: to go through a holiday season after you've experienced the 141 00:09:21,480 --> 00:09:25,080 Speaker 2: loss of a loved one, but it is manageable, and 142 00:09:25,160 --> 00:09:27,679 Speaker 2: so you shouldn't have any expectation that is going to 143 00:09:27,800 --> 00:09:31,520 Speaker 2: likely be a joyous occasion, but you likely will be 144 00:09:31,600 --> 00:09:35,360 Speaker 2: able to live through it and tolerate the pain related 145 00:09:35,400 --> 00:09:38,640 Speaker 2: to losing a loved one. The fourth tip should come 146 00:09:38,640 --> 00:09:40,920 Speaker 2: as no surprise to you if you've been listening to 147 00:09:41,040 --> 00:09:44,360 Speaker 2: the podcast for a while. The fourth one is setting 148 00:09:44,440 --> 00:09:47,560 Speaker 2: and sticking to your boundaries. So let me know if 149 00:09:47,600 --> 00:09:50,920 Speaker 2: this sounds familiar to you at all. You're in town 150 00:09:51,000 --> 00:09:54,760 Speaker 2: for five days for the holidays. In those five days, 151 00:09:55,080 --> 00:09:57,959 Speaker 2: you have been invited to a holiday brunch sponsored by 152 00:09:57,960 --> 00:10:02,120 Speaker 2: your college roommate at to Read during Christmas Eve service, 153 00:10:02,960 --> 00:10:05,960 Speaker 2: ask to take Aunt Cheryl's shopping for the last minute gifts. 154 00:10:06,920 --> 00:10:09,440 Speaker 2: They've asked you to make that special peach collar that 155 00:10:09,559 --> 00:10:13,079 Speaker 2: everybody loves. They want you to see your new nephew 156 00:10:13,200 --> 00:10:15,920 Speaker 2: that's three months old, and you have to help your 157 00:10:15,920 --> 00:10:22,520 Speaker 2: little cousin get her college applications together. Girl, this is exhausting, 158 00:10:23,320 --> 00:10:26,160 Speaker 2: and this just describes what might be happening when you 159 00:10:26,200 --> 00:10:29,719 Speaker 2: get to your hometown. This doesn't even account for all 160 00:10:29,760 --> 00:10:33,200 Speaker 2: of the holiday work gatherings and community service projects you 161 00:10:33,280 --> 00:10:35,480 Speaker 2: might have had to tend to before you left home. 162 00:10:36,240 --> 00:10:41,600 Speaker 2: Sis you simply cannot do everything, especially during the holidays, 163 00:10:41,920 --> 00:10:45,680 Speaker 2: It's okay to say no. If you're running around doing 164 00:10:45,720 --> 00:10:49,040 Speaker 2: all of this, then what time are you spending reflecting 165 00:10:49,400 --> 00:10:54,200 Speaker 2: and getting yourself ready to head into twenty eighteen? The 166 00:10:54,280 --> 00:10:59,640 Speaker 2: fifth tip, build some downtime into your schedule just for 167 00:10:59,679 --> 00:11:03,480 Speaker 2: yourself else. Perhaps this means heading back home a few 168 00:11:03,559 --> 00:11:06,640 Speaker 2: days earlier to give yourself a buffer before you have 169 00:11:06,679 --> 00:11:09,760 Speaker 2: to go back to work or school. Or maybe this 170 00:11:09,880 --> 00:11:13,280 Speaker 2: means you do something completely different this year for your break. 171 00:11:14,000 --> 00:11:16,160 Speaker 2: This might be the perfect time to take that solo 172 00:11:16,280 --> 00:11:19,040 Speaker 2: vacation you've been dreaming about, or as to have a 173 00:11:19,080 --> 00:11:23,040 Speaker 2: staycation right in your own home or your city. This 174 00:11:23,120 --> 00:11:26,000 Speaker 2: kind of goes back to creating your own new traditions. 175 00:11:26,640 --> 00:11:29,319 Speaker 2: Just because the holidays have always been done a certain 176 00:11:29,360 --> 00:11:32,000 Speaker 2: way doesn't mean that they have to be done that 177 00:11:32,080 --> 00:11:36,920 Speaker 2: same way now. And the sixth tip, allow yourself space 178 00:11:37,160 --> 00:11:41,200 Speaker 2: to feel whatever you feel. Because there is often this 179 00:11:41,320 --> 00:11:45,240 Speaker 2: expectation that holidays are a time of celebration and excitement. 180 00:11:45,840 --> 00:11:48,600 Speaker 2: There's often a feeling of what's wrong with me If 181 00:11:48,600 --> 00:11:51,680 Speaker 2: we don't feel that way for one reason or another. 182 00:11:52,559 --> 00:11:55,679 Speaker 2: It's okay to be sad about a recent loss, or 183 00:11:55,760 --> 00:11:58,120 Speaker 2: to be so worried about the state of our country 184 00:11:58,160 --> 00:12:01,360 Speaker 2: that you just don't feel so jolly, or if you 185 00:12:01,559 --> 00:12:04,199 Speaker 2: just are not feeling it this year, all of that 186 00:12:04,400 --> 00:12:09,360 Speaker 2: is okay. Give yourself permission to experience your feelings without 187 00:12:09,400 --> 00:12:13,080 Speaker 2: making any judgments about them. You don't have to explain 188 00:12:13,160 --> 00:12:18,320 Speaker 2: yourself to anyone. So I'm curious to know what your 189 00:12:18,360 --> 00:12:21,680 Speaker 2: plans are from maintaining your sanity during the holiday season. 190 00:12:22,480 --> 00:12:24,400 Speaker 2: Share them with us so that we can all get 191 00:12:24,400 --> 00:12:28,079 Speaker 2: some ideas. Make sure to use the hashtag on social 192 00:12:28,200 --> 00:12:32,600 Speaker 2: media TBG in session. And if there's a sister in 193 00:12:32,640 --> 00:12:35,800 Speaker 2: your life who has not heard about the podcast, stop 194 00:12:35,800 --> 00:12:38,760 Speaker 2: whatever you're doing right now unless you're driving, and send 195 00:12:38,840 --> 00:12:41,319 Speaker 2: her a quick text message to let her know about 196 00:12:41,320 --> 00:12:49,840 Speaker 2: the podcast. I'm so glad we could revisit this conversation together. 197 00:12:50,320 --> 00:12:53,240 Speaker 2: For more resources from today's episode, head on over to 198 00:12:53,320 --> 00:12:56,959 Speaker 2: Therapy for Blackgirls dot com slash Session four thirty nine, 199 00:12:57,040 --> 00:12:59,000 Speaker 2: and don't forget to text us episodes to two of 200 00:12:59,040 --> 00:13:01,480 Speaker 2: your girls right now. Tell them to check it out. 201 00:13:02,000 --> 00:13:04,959 Speaker 2: Do you want to share your own holiday experiences or tips, 202 00:13:05,360 --> 00:13:08,120 Speaker 2: leave us a voicemail at Memo dot fm slash Therapy 203 00:13:08,120 --> 00:13:11,360 Speaker 2: for Black Girls. We'd love to hear from you. If 204 00:13:11,360 --> 00:13:13,880 Speaker 2: you're looking for a therapists in your area, visit our 205 00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:17,800 Speaker 2: therapist directory at Therapy for Blackgirls dot com slash directory. 206 00:13:18,840 --> 00:13:21,400 Speaker 2: Don't forget to follow us over on Instagram at Therapy 207 00:13:21,440 --> 00:13:23,920 Speaker 2: for Black Girls and come on over and join us 208 00:13:23,920 --> 00:13:27,240 Speaker 2: in our patreon at community dot Therapy for Blackgirls dot 209 00:13:27,280 --> 00:13:30,960 Speaker 2: com to connect with others navigating the holidays and share 210 00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:34,640 Speaker 2: your thoughts on the episode. This episode was produced by 211 00:13:34,640 --> 00:13:38,760 Speaker 2: Elise Ellis, Indietubu and Tyree Rush. Editing was done by 212 00:13:38,760 --> 00:13:41,840 Speaker 2: Dennison Bradford. Thank y'all so much for joining me again 213 00:13:41,880 --> 00:13:44,960 Speaker 2: this week. I look forward to continuing this conversation with 214 00:13:45,000 --> 00:13:47,400 Speaker 2: you all real soon. Take good care 215 00:13:52,400 --> 00:13:52,480 Speaker 1: What