1 00:00:09,880 --> 00:00:13,119 Speaker 1: Hi guys, and welcome back to another new episode of 2 00:00:13,440 --> 00:00:17,240 Speaker 1: Couch Talks on You Need Therapy. My name is Cat, Welcome. 3 00:00:17,800 --> 00:00:20,440 Speaker 1: Couch Talks is the special bonus episode that comes out 4 00:00:20,480 --> 00:00:23,799 Speaker 1: every Wednesday where I answer questions that you guys send 5 00:00:23,840 --> 00:00:28,080 Speaker 1: into Catherine at You Need Therapy podcast dot com. Now, 6 00:00:28,080 --> 00:00:31,400 Speaker 1: before we get started, a little reminder that yeah, I'm 7 00:00:31,400 --> 00:00:34,400 Speaker 1: answering questions, and yes I'm a therapist, but this podcast 8 00:00:34,840 --> 00:00:38,000 Speaker 1: is not therapy. It's a resource that might help you 9 00:00:38,040 --> 00:00:40,960 Speaker 1: with your own therapy or encourage you to go to therapy, 10 00:00:41,159 --> 00:00:46,320 Speaker 1: but the podcast itself is not therapy. So let's jump 11 00:00:46,360 --> 00:00:48,319 Speaker 1: into the questions. This week, we have two of them 12 00:00:48,440 --> 00:00:51,760 Speaker 1: doing too, so let's start with number one. Hey Kat, 13 00:00:52,240 --> 00:00:55,560 Speaker 1: thank you for talking about grief with Amy and mentioning 14 00:00:55,560 --> 00:00:57,880 Speaker 1: that grief doesn't need to be just about losing someone, 15 00:00:57,920 --> 00:00:59,960 Speaker 1: but losing any kind of thing. For a while now 16 00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:02,600 Speaker 1: out I've been feeling that I'm dealing with the grief 17 00:01:02,640 --> 00:01:05,080 Speaker 1: about losing our planet as we've known it due to 18 00:01:05,120 --> 00:01:08,080 Speaker 1: climate change. I am very concerned about this issue and 19 00:01:08,160 --> 00:01:10,560 Speaker 1: have a strong sense of duty to be informed and 20 00:01:10,600 --> 00:01:13,800 Speaker 1: do something about it, but it also brings up constant grief. 21 00:01:14,160 --> 00:01:17,600 Speaker 1: I've been jumping from denial to anger to depression for years, 22 00:01:17,640 --> 00:01:20,200 Speaker 1: and I feel like I never find acceptance because it 23 00:01:20,280 --> 00:01:22,800 Speaker 1: just keeps getting worse and worse every day, and the 24 00:01:22,840 --> 00:01:25,760 Speaker 1: reality is that we are far away from solving the crisis. 25 00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:28,039 Speaker 1: I've realized that I'm the same sort of limbo that 26 00:01:28,120 --> 00:01:30,319 Speaker 1: is holding me back from actually stepping up and doing 27 00:01:30,360 --> 00:01:33,440 Speaker 1: something to help our planet, because every time I get going, 28 00:01:33,560 --> 00:01:36,440 Speaker 1: I get so overwhelmed. I just stop or numb myself 29 00:01:36,520 --> 00:01:39,520 Speaker 1: with something else. I know the grief will never end, 30 00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:41,640 Speaker 1: But what do you suggest I could do to find 31 00:01:41,640 --> 00:01:44,600 Speaker 1: some acceptance and use this grief in a productive way 32 00:01:44,720 --> 00:01:46,440 Speaker 1: and always thank you for doing what you do. Love 33 00:01:46,480 --> 00:01:49,120 Speaker 1: the podcast, well, thank you, I appreciate it, and I 34 00:01:49,160 --> 00:01:52,320 Speaker 1: appreciate your question. First off, I love that this is 35 00:01:52,320 --> 00:01:56,040 Speaker 1: an authentic example of how grief is about more than 36 00:01:56,080 --> 00:01:58,520 Speaker 1: just the loss of a human being. It's the loss 37 00:01:58,640 --> 00:02:01,520 Speaker 1: or death of anything's So this is something that Amy 38 00:02:01,560 --> 00:02:03,680 Speaker 1: and I talked a lot about in our Grief episode 39 00:02:03,680 --> 00:02:05,800 Speaker 1: that came out a couple of weeks ago, and this 40 00:02:05,880 --> 00:02:08,480 Speaker 1: is another really good example of what that can look like. 41 00:02:08,520 --> 00:02:10,919 Speaker 1: So thank you for sharing that and sharing the details 42 00:02:10,919 --> 00:02:13,320 Speaker 1: of your grief. This is hard like, this is really 43 00:02:13,320 --> 00:02:17,400 Speaker 1: hard stuff, and even though it's not a direct loss 44 00:02:17,400 --> 00:02:20,560 Speaker 1: of a relationship with a human, this is a really 45 00:02:20,600 --> 00:02:23,119 Speaker 1: serious loss and it sounds like it has been really 46 00:02:23,120 --> 00:02:25,840 Speaker 1: affecting you. So let's talk about it. I have kind 47 00:02:25,840 --> 00:02:28,120 Speaker 1: of like a hunch that part of your limbo is 48 00:02:28,639 --> 00:02:31,000 Speaker 1: in the fact that the grief you're feeling is around 49 00:02:31,040 --> 00:02:33,400 Speaker 1: something that is so much bigger than you and involves 50 00:02:33,440 --> 00:02:36,160 Speaker 1: a lot more moving parts than just you and your 51 00:02:36,200 --> 00:02:38,919 Speaker 1: relationship to that thing. So there are two things happening here. 52 00:02:39,200 --> 00:02:41,160 Speaker 1: You are grieving the loss of something, which is the 53 00:02:41,200 --> 00:02:44,280 Speaker 1: planet as it was, and you are also trying to 54 00:02:44,280 --> 00:02:46,799 Speaker 1: attempt to change something. You're trying to create some meaning 55 00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:49,120 Speaker 1: out of your grief in that as well. And you know, 56 00:02:49,160 --> 00:02:52,639 Speaker 1: I talked a lot about this in the pandemic with clients, 57 00:02:53,120 --> 00:02:55,200 Speaker 1: that we all want life to go back to normal, 58 00:02:55,560 --> 00:02:59,720 Speaker 1: but the reality is we are sitting in something that 59 00:02:59,800 --> 00:03:02,880 Speaker 1: had it's been changed forever, right, So the reality is 60 00:03:02,919 --> 00:03:05,400 Speaker 1: we are sitting in a world that has forever been 61 00:03:05,480 --> 00:03:08,440 Speaker 1: changed and will forever be changed by what we've experienced 62 00:03:08,520 --> 00:03:11,720 Speaker 1: over the past almost two years now, and in many 63 00:03:11,760 --> 00:03:14,079 Speaker 1: facets of our life, what has happened in the last 64 00:03:14,120 --> 00:03:17,480 Speaker 1: two years is going to create long lasting change forever, 65 00:03:18,040 --> 00:03:22,240 Speaker 1: and in that we have to accept that the normalcy 66 00:03:22,280 --> 00:03:24,880 Speaker 1: that we want to go back to it might not 67 00:03:25,080 --> 00:03:27,280 Speaker 1: be an available thing. So when we think about how 68 00:03:27,280 --> 00:03:29,080 Speaker 1: we want life to go back to normal, we have 69 00:03:29,160 --> 00:03:33,200 Speaker 1: to realize that we can't go back to pre prandemic times. 70 00:03:33,400 --> 00:03:35,520 Speaker 1: We can never go back because we would have to 71 00:03:35,560 --> 00:03:38,240 Speaker 1: erase almost two years of our lives and things we 72 00:03:38,280 --> 00:03:40,560 Speaker 1: have learned in those two years and things we've experienced 73 00:03:40,560 --> 00:03:43,520 Speaker 1: in those two years, and so we can't just go 74 00:03:43,640 --> 00:03:46,840 Speaker 1: back to the normalcy we once had. We have to 75 00:03:46,920 --> 00:03:50,160 Speaker 1: open ourselves up to creating a new normal. And that's 76 00:03:50,160 --> 00:03:52,600 Speaker 1: what a lot of grief work is in general. You're 77 00:03:52,680 --> 00:03:55,840 Speaker 1: relearning how to live your life without that thing or 78 00:03:55,920 --> 00:03:59,080 Speaker 1: with the changes. So in tandem, we're grieving the loss 79 00:03:59,120 --> 00:04:01,840 Speaker 1: of a previous normal and we're starting to create a 80 00:04:01,960 --> 00:04:04,720 Speaker 1: new normal at the same time. This is very in 81 00:04:04,760 --> 00:04:07,120 Speaker 1: line with what you're talking about as well, and what 82 00:04:07,240 --> 00:04:09,880 Speaker 1: happens also as we tend to get paralyzed when our 83 00:04:09,880 --> 00:04:12,400 Speaker 1: attempts to change or create meaning bump up with the 84 00:04:12,480 --> 00:04:16,279 Speaker 1: reality of how big the world is and how insignificant 85 00:04:16,640 --> 00:04:19,520 Speaker 1: sometimes we feel inside of it. And you may have 86 00:04:19,560 --> 00:04:21,520 Speaker 1: heard me talk about one of my favorite quotes on 87 00:04:21,560 --> 00:04:23,600 Speaker 1: the show before. I feel like I've said it about 88 00:04:23,640 --> 00:04:26,800 Speaker 1: fifteen times. Um, But it's from Margaret Mead and she says, 89 00:04:26,839 --> 00:04:30,880 Speaker 1: never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens 90 00:04:30,920 --> 00:04:33,839 Speaker 1: can change the world. In fact, it is the only 91 00:04:33,880 --> 00:04:37,039 Speaker 1: thing that ever has. And oh my gosh, is that true. 92 00:04:37,320 --> 00:04:39,960 Speaker 1: Like big shifts even start with one. It starts with 93 00:04:40,040 --> 00:04:42,919 Speaker 1: one idea that attaches to maybe another idea that attaches 94 00:04:42,920 --> 00:04:45,760 Speaker 1: to maybe somebody else, and we create a ripple effect. 95 00:04:45,760 --> 00:04:48,920 Speaker 1: But it's allowed to start very small. And this small 96 00:04:49,000 --> 00:04:52,600 Speaker 1: changes make a difference. And when we forget that, that's 97 00:04:52,600 --> 00:04:55,479 Speaker 1: when we stop doing the work that we actually really 98 00:04:55,480 --> 00:04:57,039 Speaker 1: feel like we need to do instead of our hearts. 99 00:04:57,360 --> 00:04:59,320 Speaker 1: It makes me think of things like recycling, which I 100 00:04:59,320 --> 00:05:01,840 Speaker 1: guess has a lot to do with what you are 101 00:05:01,960 --> 00:05:05,120 Speaker 1: grieving in this and honestly, because sometimes I have this 102 00:05:05,200 --> 00:05:07,440 Speaker 1: thought and I don't like it, it's a very honest thought, 103 00:05:07,960 --> 00:05:09,800 Speaker 1: and so I'm gonna share it that me taking the 104 00:05:09,920 --> 00:05:13,280 Speaker 1: time to recycle things doesn't matter. And I'm only one person. 105 00:05:13,440 --> 00:05:17,559 Speaker 1: So I get defeated and I tell myself it doesn't matter, 106 00:05:17,600 --> 00:05:19,040 Speaker 1: and it's not gonna make a dent and it's not 107 00:05:19,040 --> 00:05:21,240 Speaker 1: gonna make a difference. And then I start to do 108 00:05:21,279 --> 00:05:23,279 Speaker 1: the math in my head and I think about like 109 00:05:23,440 --> 00:05:27,160 Speaker 1: simple things like how many trash bags of recyclable items 110 00:05:27,200 --> 00:05:29,919 Speaker 1: would I create over a lifetime. And then if I 111 00:05:29,960 --> 00:05:33,000 Speaker 1: really think about that and imagine how much unnecessary space 112 00:05:33,040 --> 00:05:36,039 Speaker 1: and waste with that take up, It's like, oh, my 113 00:05:36,160 --> 00:05:38,880 Speaker 1: existence here matters, and what I do here matters. I 114 00:05:38,880 --> 00:05:41,840 Speaker 1: have to remind myself that just because I am not 115 00:05:42,200 --> 00:05:45,880 Speaker 1: making the biggest splash in the whole world, and that 116 00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:47,719 Speaker 1: not everybody in the world can see it and tastes 117 00:05:47,760 --> 00:05:49,520 Speaker 1: and smell it and feel it, that it still matters. 118 00:05:49,760 --> 00:05:52,000 Speaker 1: That gets to apply to things like this podcast. This 119 00:05:52,040 --> 00:05:54,279 Speaker 1: is not the biggest podcast in the world by far, 120 00:05:55,240 --> 00:05:57,880 Speaker 1: by far, and when I started it it was even 121 00:05:58,200 --> 00:06:01,680 Speaker 1: I mean way smaller. And I could say, because my 122 00:06:01,720 --> 00:06:05,720 Speaker 1: podcast isn't on the top one hundred charts on Apple Podcasts, 123 00:06:05,720 --> 00:06:08,799 Speaker 1: that it doesn't matter and it's insignificant and I should 124 00:06:08,800 --> 00:06:11,600 Speaker 1: stop doing it because nobody cares and I'm not helping anybody. 125 00:06:11,640 --> 00:06:13,880 Speaker 1: But the reality is the amount of people that I 126 00:06:13,880 --> 00:06:16,480 Speaker 1: do help matters, and I would still be doing this 127 00:06:16,560 --> 00:06:19,400 Speaker 1: podcast if it had the same amount of listeners as 128 00:06:19,400 --> 00:06:21,680 Speaker 1: I had when I started. Because to those people that 129 00:06:21,720 --> 00:06:25,040 Speaker 1: were dedicated listeners, it mattered, and it also mattered to me. 130 00:06:25,560 --> 00:06:27,560 Speaker 1: It felt good for me to do it, and when 131 00:06:27,560 --> 00:06:29,480 Speaker 1: I recycle, it feels good for me to do that. 132 00:06:29,520 --> 00:06:32,000 Speaker 1: So when you start to think about in your life 133 00:06:32,040 --> 00:06:34,840 Speaker 1: the changes that you want to make, also recognize that 134 00:06:34,880 --> 00:06:37,039 Speaker 1: if it matters to you, it matters to the world 135 00:06:37,080 --> 00:06:39,919 Speaker 1: because you are part of the world. Things to think about. 136 00:06:40,320 --> 00:06:42,040 Speaker 1: So in your question, you say, I know this grief 137 00:06:42,040 --> 00:06:44,159 Speaker 1: will never end, but what do you suggest I could 138 00:06:44,200 --> 00:06:46,279 Speaker 1: do to find some acceptance and use this grief in 139 00:06:46,279 --> 00:06:48,920 Speaker 1: a productive way? Okay, yeah, you're right, the grief will 140 00:06:48,960 --> 00:06:51,520 Speaker 1: never end because you're you're going to be continuously losing 141 00:06:51,560 --> 00:06:54,240 Speaker 1: old parts of the world. But I want you to 142 00:06:54,240 --> 00:06:58,240 Speaker 1: think about this. Maybe instead of just accepting your your 143 00:06:58,839 --> 00:07:01,800 Speaker 1: grief and gen role, you accept the loss of the 144 00:07:01,839 --> 00:07:04,560 Speaker 1: old planet and accept that things very well may not 145 00:07:04,640 --> 00:07:06,960 Speaker 1: return to where they once were, and at the same 146 00:07:07,000 --> 00:07:10,560 Speaker 1: time acknowledge that what you do can and will make 147 00:07:10,560 --> 00:07:13,200 Speaker 1: a difference, whether that is for good or bad depending 148 00:07:13,200 --> 00:07:15,800 Speaker 1: on your actions. Whether I step up and make the 149 00:07:15,840 --> 00:07:17,800 Speaker 1: changes I want or I don't, it's still going to 150 00:07:17,880 --> 00:07:21,280 Speaker 1: make a difference backwards or forwards, and maybe if you 151 00:07:21,320 --> 00:07:23,520 Speaker 1: can access some of the anger inside of your grief, 152 00:07:23,560 --> 00:07:26,080 Speaker 1: because that grief is not going anywhere, and the grief 153 00:07:26,200 --> 00:07:29,280 Speaker 1: is not ever ending. If you can harness some anger 154 00:07:29,640 --> 00:07:32,840 Speaker 1: around what's going on, that can move you towards action. 155 00:07:33,240 --> 00:07:35,440 Speaker 1: Because anger lets us know when things aren't right. It's 156 00:07:35,440 --> 00:07:37,680 Speaker 1: a justice emotion and it is the reason a lot 157 00:07:37,720 --> 00:07:40,520 Speaker 1: of change happens in the world. So rather than just 158 00:07:40,920 --> 00:07:45,560 Speaker 1: getting over the grief, switching that mindset, accepting that I'm 159 00:07:45,640 --> 00:07:48,000 Speaker 1: not ever going to get back to the world I 160 00:07:48,040 --> 00:07:52,280 Speaker 1: once knew, acknowledging that what I do makes a difference 161 00:07:52,360 --> 00:07:57,160 Speaker 1: no matter what I do, and using the anger involved 162 00:07:57,200 --> 00:08:01,440 Speaker 1: in your grief to push your self forward into the 163 00:08:01,480 --> 00:08:03,520 Speaker 1: direction that you want to go. So that's what I 164 00:08:03,520 --> 00:08:06,400 Speaker 1: would suggest. I love anger, Love it, love it, love it, 165 00:08:06,440 --> 00:08:16,160 Speaker 1: love it, So use it all right, Let's go on 166 00:08:16,240 --> 00:08:18,760 Speaker 1: to question number two. A couple of years ago, I 167 00:08:18,800 --> 00:08:22,400 Speaker 1: reached out for some in person therapy support. Did not 168 00:08:22,480 --> 00:08:24,880 Speaker 1: match with this person, so I moved on. A bit later, 169 00:08:24,920 --> 00:08:27,320 Speaker 1: I tried again and aligned virtually with a person whom 170 00:08:27,360 --> 00:08:30,360 Speaker 1: I really liked. Shortly after we started together, that pandemic 171 00:08:30,480 --> 00:08:33,680 Speaker 1: hit and suddenly I was homeschooling, my husband was working 172 00:08:33,760 --> 00:08:35,760 Speaker 1: from home, and I didn't feel like I had the 173 00:08:35,880 --> 00:08:38,480 Speaker 1: right space to hold such conversations in my house, so 174 00:08:38,520 --> 00:08:40,680 Speaker 1: I hit pause and the sessions. All the while, I 175 00:08:40,679 --> 00:08:43,040 Speaker 1: continued listening to your podcast and felt more drawn to 176 00:08:43,080 --> 00:08:45,600 Speaker 1: your work. So finally, one day I reached out to 177 00:08:45,600 --> 00:08:48,720 Speaker 1: your office and was connected with Stacy. Side notes, Stacy 178 00:08:48,840 --> 00:08:51,000 Speaker 1: is freaking amazing. If you live in Tennessee and you 179 00:08:51,040 --> 00:08:54,640 Speaker 1: need a therapist, email her today Stacy at three Courts 180 00:08:54,640 --> 00:08:58,040 Speaker 1: Therapy dot com. Back to the email. Our first reactions 181 00:08:58,040 --> 00:08:59,960 Speaker 1: felt great and like we would have the potential to 182 00:09:00,080 --> 00:09:03,480 Speaker 1: work well together. I was encouraged. After going so far 183 00:09:03,520 --> 00:09:05,880 Speaker 1: as to making an appointment, it was discovered that since 184 00:09:05,880 --> 00:09:07,920 Speaker 1: I live out of town, she was not able to 185 00:09:07,920 --> 00:09:12,120 Speaker 1: work with me. Equals disappointment. My question to use this 186 00:09:12,360 --> 00:09:14,800 Speaker 1: I live in a small town. I've had several false 187 00:09:14,840 --> 00:09:18,160 Speaker 1: starts with attempts at therapy, and now I'm wondering if 188 00:09:18,200 --> 00:09:20,520 Speaker 1: you can suggest what you might see as the best 189 00:09:20,520 --> 00:09:23,000 Speaker 1: course to pursue. I'm feeling a bit gun shy at 190 00:09:23,000 --> 00:09:25,840 Speaker 1: this point, yet wanting to get some consistency going, not 191 00:09:25,960 --> 00:09:28,360 Speaker 1: just on my eating disorder front, but on other aspects 192 00:09:28,400 --> 00:09:31,160 Speaker 1: of my life as well. Okay, such a good question. 193 00:09:31,520 --> 00:09:34,440 Speaker 1: Finding a therapist can be so hard, And before we 194 00:09:34,480 --> 00:09:35,960 Speaker 1: get going, I do want to say I have a 195 00:09:36,040 --> 00:09:39,760 Speaker 1: highlight on the you Need Therapy podcasts Instagram that goes 196 00:09:39,760 --> 00:09:42,280 Speaker 1: through this process. So if you guys just want general 197 00:09:42,720 --> 00:09:45,520 Speaker 1: feedback on that, go to at you Need Therapy podcast 198 00:09:45,720 --> 00:09:48,000 Speaker 1: on Instagram and you'll see that in my highlights at 199 00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:49,959 Speaker 1: the top of the page. Now I want to talk 200 00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:52,360 Speaker 1: about this again kind of in a different way because 201 00:09:52,400 --> 00:09:55,840 Speaker 1: with the pandemic, almost every therapist became proficient and open 202 00:09:55,880 --> 00:09:59,200 Speaker 1: to doing telehealth therapy appointments. Now it is not my 203 00:09:59,280 --> 00:10:02,959 Speaker 1: preferred method, but it's now an option, and it's actually 204 00:10:03,000 --> 00:10:05,520 Speaker 1: a very helpful option, and I'm very grateful for it. 205 00:10:05,720 --> 00:10:07,800 Speaker 1: If you feel safe and you have the availability to 206 00:10:07,920 --> 00:10:11,120 Speaker 1: do in person therapy in a safe environment, that all 207 00:10:11,200 --> 00:10:12,960 Speaker 1: always is going to be my number one. But I 208 00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:16,360 Speaker 1: also know that in these times that's not always available, 209 00:10:16,559 --> 00:10:18,679 Speaker 1: even if you live in the same city as your therapist. 210 00:10:19,240 --> 00:10:23,120 Speaker 1: And I also respect the decision to create some distance 211 00:10:23,520 --> 00:10:26,440 Speaker 1: with how you're spending time and quarantine and all that. 212 00:10:26,760 --> 00:10:29,600 Speaker 1: So the other part is we still have to follow 213 00:10:29,880 --> 00:10:33,400 Speaker 1: the law and our ethical guidelines, So if we're not 214 00:10:33,600 --> 00:10:37,000 Speaker 1: licensed in your state, we actually cannot work with you 215 00:10:37,280 --> 00:10:41,680 Speaker 1: as a therapist. There are some caveats to that that 216 00:10:41,720 --> 00:10:43,960 Speaker 1: it are not important to get into right here, but 217 00:10:44,120 --> 00:10:47,360 Speaker 1: generally speaking, right now, if you are starting therapy with 218 00:10:47,360 --> 00:10:49,720 Speaker 1: a new therapist, they have to be licensed in the 219 00:10:49,760 --> 00:10:52,160 Speaker 1: state that you are sitting in when you're doing therapy. 220 00:10:52,559 --> 00:10:55,800 Speaker 1: So I would look into widening your search to people 221 00:10:55,840 --> 00:10:57,959 Speaker 1: outside of your city. For anybody who's living in a 222 00:10:58,000 --> 00:11:00,240 Speaker 1: small town and struggling to find a therapist. If they 223 00:11:00,240 --> 00:11:02,720 Speaker 1: offer telehealth, you can see a therapist that might live 224 00:11:02,720 --> 00:11:05,080 Speaker 1: like eight hours away from you, but you can see 225 00:11:05,080 --> 00:11:07,200 Speaker 1: them virtually as long as their license in your state. 226 00:11:07,240 --> 00:11:09,600 Speaker 1: And I will also say I could be licensed in 227 00:11:09,640 --> 00:11:12,120 Speaker 1: other states, I just am not. So there are therapists 228 00:11:12,120 --> 00:11:13,800 Speaker 1: that are licensed in more than one state, and that 229 00:11:13,840 --> 00:11:17,160 Speaker 1: can be helpful. Now I also get the part where 230 00:11:17,559 --> 00:11:20,360 Speaker 1: it can feel weird to do therapy in the same 231 00:11:20,400 --> 00:11:23,520 Speaker 1: space as your family because the privacy is different. So 232 00:11:23,640 --> 00:11:26,599 Speaker 1: if you're at home and everybody's at home, it's okay 233 00:11:26,720 --> 00:11:28,880 Speaker 1: to make arrangements to be outside of the home for 234 00:11:28,880 --> 00:11:30,880 Speaker 1: this stuff. I have a lot of clients that will 235 00:11:30,960 --> 00:11:34,400 Speaker 1: do their therapy in their car, and while that might 236 00:11:34,400 --> 00:11:37,520 Speaker 1: not be their number one choice, it also is a 237 00:11:37,600 --> 00:11:39,440 Speaker 1: choice and it helps them get their needs met, and 238 00:11:39,520 --> 00:11:42,280 Speaker 1: so you kind of have to pick the path of 239 00:11:42,640 --> 00:11:46,760 Speaker 1: least resistance in a sense. I also want to normalize 240 00:11:46,760 --> 00:11:49,640 Speaker 1: having a hard time finding a therapist. You might hear 241 00:11:49,640 --> 00:11:51,120 Speaker 1: a lot of people talking about how much they love 242 00:11:51,160 --> 00:11:54,040 Speaker 1: their therapist, but that's not always the case in the beginning, 243 00:11:54,480 --> 00:11:56,400 Speaker 1: and it can be kind of like dating. You have 244 00:11:56,480 --> 00:11:59,400 Speaker 1: to find someone who is competent in the area that 245 00:11:59,440 --> 00:12:02,320 Speaker 1: you're looking to work on, and also you just got 246 00:12:02,320 --> 00:12:04,800 Speaker 1: to like drive with the person. The relational aspect is 247 00:12:04,800 --> 00:12:07,000 Speaker 1: so important, and so it's okay if it doesn't work 248 00:12:07,040 --> 00:12:10,480 Speaker 1: out the first couple of times. That's actually really normal. 249 00:12:10,720 --> 00:12:13,040 Speaker 1: Like I really want you guys to hear that it's 250 00:12:13,080 --> 00:12:16,120 Speaker 1: frustrating that as that is, and it's time consuming and 251 00:12:16,160 --> 00:12:19,080 Speaker 1: it's disappointing. Think of it like dating, Like it's normal 252 00:12:19,160 --> 00:12:22,080 Speaker 1: to not just click with the first or second person 253 00:12:22,600 --> 00:12:26,880 Speaker 1: that you meet. I also would suggest see them more 254 00:12:26,920 --> 00:12:29,120 Speaker 1: than once before you decide that they're not for you, 255 00:12:29,840 --> 00:12:33,200 Speaker 1: unless they just flat out do something inappropriate that you're like, 256 00:12:33,280 --> 00:12:36,640 Speaker 1: this is a red flag. I'm not doing this sometimes 257 00:12:36,640 --> 00:12:39,080 Speaker 1: though the relationship takes a little bit of time to build. 258 00:12:39,559 --> 00:12:41,640 Speaker 1: I also want to say, like dating, no one's perfect, 259 00:12:42,040 --> 00:12:44,760 Speaker 1: no one's going to have everything you want, and you 260 00:12:44,760 --> 00:12:46,760 Speaker 1: know I really do I will. I will say, because 261 00:12:46,760 --> 00:12:48,480 Speaker 1: I'm a human, I really do love reading all the 262 00:12:48,520 --> 00:12:50,679 Speaker 1: comments about people who say they wish they could work 263 00:12:50,720 --> 00:12:53,600 Speaker 1: with me, because I'm a words of affirmation girl. So 264 00:12:53,640 --> 00:12:56,120 Speaker 1: I do enjoy that. But at the same time, a 265 00:12:56,160 --> 00:12:58,520 Speaker 1: lot of people they like me as a podcast host 266 00:12:58,640 --> 00:13:00,600 Speaker 1: or they like the content I putting on Instagram, But 267 00:13:00,840 --> 00:13:03,679 Speaker 1: as a therapist, you might hate me, you might not 268 00:13:03,760 --> 00:13:06,760 Speaker 1: get along with me, because the fullness of me is 269 00:13:06,800 --> 00:13:09,320 Speaker 1: it cannot come out in in a podcast. Like there's 270 00:13:09,320 --> 00:13:12,520 Speaker 1: a difference in sitting with somebody and feeling their energy 271 00:13:12,520 --> 00:13:15,240 Speaker 1: and all of that. So I don't want any of 272 00:13:15,280 --> 00:13:18,320 Speaker 1: you guys to go into a therapy process with a 273 00:13:18,360 --> 00:13:20,560 Speaker 1: skewed idea of what you're looking for and not that 274 00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:23,160 Speaker 1: the person who sent this email is having that. I 275 00:13:23,200 --> 00:13:25,240 Speaker 1: think you are really trying, and you're trying really hard 276 00:13:25,240 --> 00:13:27,320 Speaker 1: to find somebody, and I really want to validate you 277 00:13:27,360 --> 00:13:30,640 Speaker 1: for that and encourage you for that, because I do 278 00:13:30,760 --> 00:13:33,280 Speaker 1: think that you will be rewarded for your efforts at 279 00:13:33,400 --> 00:13:36,440 Speaker 1: some point if you stay in this and also I 280 00:13:36,480 --> 00:13:40,720 Speaker 1: think sometimes our journeys with therapy, and maybe our even 281 00:13:40,800 --> 00:13:44,240 Speaker 1: journey to get to therapy, that can be therapeutic in itself. 282 00:13:44,640 --> 00:13:48,040 Speaker 1: Your ability to continue to attempt to try and get 283 00:13:48,080 --> 00:13:52,200 Speaker 1: what you need despite the difficulties and the setbacks and 284 00:13:52,360 --> 00:13:55,280 Speaker 1: the left turns and the right turns and the pauses. 285 00:13:55,640 --> 00:13:58,960 Speaker 1: Your ability to continue to believe and try and put 286 00:13:58,960 --> 00:14:01,480 Speaker 1: the effort into getting your needs met is important. And 287 00:14:01,559 --> 00:14:05,079 Speaker 1: that process is therapy in itself. So with all of 288 00:14:05,120 --> 00:14:09,920 Speaker 1: that said, my encouragement to you would be to widen 289 00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:13,800 Speaker 1: your search out to your entire state. Look up on 290 00:14:13,880 --> 00:14:16,560 Speaker 1: psychology today. You can look up, you can Google search, 291 00:14:16,600 --> 00:14:18,960 Speaker 1: you can ask around, but that might be the next 292 00:14:19,000 --> 00:14:21,920 Speaker 1: best option for you. So you don't feel like you 293 00:14:22,040 --> 00:14:24,560 Speaker 1: are limited to just the therapist in your town if 294 00:14:24,560 --> 00:14:27,160 Speaker 1: that town is small, and if they're doing virtual then 295 00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:29,680 Speaker 1: you don't have to travel hours away to see them, 296 00:14:29,920 --> 00:14:32,760 Speaker 1: which I will say that is a plus that therapy, 297 00:14:32,840 --> 00:14:36,320 Speaker 1: and just I think the health world in general has 298 00:14:36,320 --> 00:14:38,840 Speaker 1: gotten out of the pandemic is the ability and the 299 00:14:38,840 --> 00:14:42,880 Speaker 1: availability and the willingness for more people to do virtual appointments. 300 00:14:43,200 --> 00:14:46,120 Speaker 1: So there's my encouragement to that. Thank you for your question, 301 00:14:46,320 --> 00:14:49,000 Speaker 1: and again I just want to validate you on the 302 00:14:49,120 --> 00:14:51,640 Speaker 1: search and I do think you'll figure it out. You 303 00:14:51,640 --> 00:14:55,160 Speaker 1: will find the person that wraps up couch shocks today. 304 00:14:55,280 --> 00:14:57,560 Speaker 1: If you guys have a question yourself that you would 305 00:14:57,560 --> 00:14:59,480 Speaker 1: like me to answer, you can send it to Catherine 306 00:14:59,480 --> 00:15:02,920 Speaker 1: at you need the RP podcast dot com and one 307 00:15:03,000 --> 00:15:04,920 Speaker 1: day I might bring it up on the show. Also 308 00:15:04,960 --> 00:15:07,280 Speaker 1: a reminder, I don't email you guys back when I'm 309 00:15:07,320 --> 00:15:09,560 Speaker 1: going to answer your question. You just got to stay 310 00:15:09,560 --> 00:15:13,080 Speaker 1: on your toes and listen to the episodes. So I 311 00:15:13,120 --> 00:15:18,120 Speaker 1: will be back on Monday for the regular scheduled episode. 312 00:15:18,160 --> 00:15:20,520 Speaker 1: It's a good one. I'm excited about it and I 313 00:15:20,560 --> 00:15:22,240 Speaker 1: hope you guys have the rest of the week. You 314 00:15:22,240 --> 00:15:24,480 Speaker 1: need to have catch you Monday.